People Anticipate Opposing Viewpoints Regarding Their "Am I The Jerk?" Stories
24. AITJ For Having An "Adults-Only" Baby Shower?
“I (F 30) organized a last-minute baby shower as a way to catch up with family and friends before I give birth in 4 weeks. 36 weeks pregnant and a first-time mom.
My partner and I put in a lot of effort to organize it, but we didn’t really have much time to plan, I had been having complications previously so we were unsure if it was going to be a good idea to have one or not.
The night before the shower, my sister (f 29) let me know that she wouldn’t be able to make it, her babysitter had canceled due to being sick. I let her know that it was totally ok, I would save some party favors for herself and her kids, she has 6. 5 different fathers.
The next morning, I woke to find that she had made a social media post about me, saying that it was pathetic that she wasn’t ‘allowed’ to come due to my not allowing her to bring all 6 kids, doubling the number of guests that would be attending, with next to no notice at all.
It had been discussed that no kids were invited due to it being an adults-only event. She was more than welcome to come, she could bring her youngest as they are only 7 months old. This way the youngest would still receive the care that they need, and myself and my guests could still enjoy the party without having to keep an eye on the other 5 kids (all under 10).
I spent the whole day of my shower trying to ignore my phone blowing up with people commenting on what a bad sister I am for not suddenly catering to an extra 6 kids. These people were talking about how being ‘family’ I should have welcomed them all regardless. Not one of these people offered to help my sister out by stepping up to watch them for an hour or 2.
These kids have special dietary requirements too, so it would have involved going out and spending more money on special food for them, which she wouldn’t have offered to bring or pay for herself.
Our mother decided it was between us, and didn’t step in to try and calm the situation, all she said was, ‘Oh well, she’ll get over it’.
My sister hasn’t had the best luck with partners and has been a single mother on and off for 10 years. I and the rest of my family have been extremely helpful whenever she needed anything. She recently just left her last partner 2 weeks ago due to him being abusive.
I can see why she is upset, as I’m sure she just wanted to come to the shower and relax a little bit.
I can’t understand why she decided to make a post about me with only half of the info, and let people bad mouth me online for the whole day, calling me a bad and selfish person. This kind of ruined my day, and really upset my partner as all he wanted was for me to have one nice day with people I loved before life changed for the both of us.
Should I have just let all 7 of them come, and put up with 6 kids running around with little to no supervision at an adult event? Or did I make the right decision by sticking to my original plans and not backing down?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It sounds like the ‘adults-only’ part was set up in advance and when your sister called she was fishing for you to make an exception for her without actually asking for the exception.
Because you’re not a mind reader you didn’t catch it and your sister decided to drag you through the mud for not kowtowing to her unasked question. The day is supposed to be about celebrating the new life that is joining your family, as sad as it would be you might want to consider canceling the shower to avoid the extra stress.
You’ve said you’ve had pregnancy complications in the past, that’s the only reason I’m throwing that idea out there.” LavishnessGeneral
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
It is a shame that she is burning bridges. And honestly 6 kids and single parent? She does have my fullest respect. She just shouldn’t slash out on her family. She is not the center of the world only because she has kids.
And then post it whether it is true or not on social media. She wants to be a victim and pitied by everyone asking for attention. See I have 6 kids and I am not allowed to go to the baby shower because of them. Look at me poor thing… You should just leave and ignore her.
She needs to get over herself.” MakeupAdvice
23. AITJ For Refusing To Apologize To My Sister For The Baby Shower Our Mom Threw For Her?
“So on Friday night my mom calls me and says she has to come over to tell me something important. When she comes she tells me that my little sister (20) is pregnant. I was super shocked and excited and was about to call my sister. I was surprised she didn’t tell me since she tells me everything.
My mom said that my sister was planning to announce it tomorrow to the family but she wanted to throw her a small baby shower celebrating the pregnancy at the house so it’s a nice event to have with the immediate family and some cousins after she announces the pregnancy. How my mom explained it is that my sister would tell us she’s pregnant and that’s when we’d lead her out to the backyard that would be set up.
It sounded like such a sweet idea.
We quickly planned it, bought some decorations and baby supplies, and threw it together. We invited the immediate family as well as some cousins and aunts we are close to and our grandparents. My mom had me take my sister out of the house yesterday so when we’d come back everything would be ready.
While we were together I asked her if she had a significant other or anything since last I knew she didn’t. She said no.
Anyway, we got back to the house and it was just me, my mom, and my sister in the house. I was assuming that’s when she’d say something to us but all of a sudden my mom just told her there was a surprise waiting in the backyard.
I was confused since I thought my sister would say something but we just went outside. Everyone ran up to her hugging her and congratulating her and she just looked so confused. I was surprised when she started crying and ran into the house cussing out my mom.
Come to find out she told my mom she was pregnant and wasn’t sure what she was going to do a few days ago and was going through a lot.
My mom had some plan to surprise her and tell everyone so she would have less of a chance to not keep the baby. I also started screaming at my mom for lying to me and went outside to awkwardly tell everyone to leave.
My sister is now demanding I apologize to her even though I didn’t know what was happening and I refused. My other sister said I’m being a jerk and even if I didn’t know right now she’s emotional and all she can see is that I threw the party and took her out to ‘deceive’ her.
AITJ for refusing to apologize even though I was also lied to?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. You should apologize. You were not as responsible as your mother, due to not knowing the whole situation, but you played a part in it. If you thought your sister was planning to announce her pregnancy, why did you think it was okay to take that moment from her and tell everyone before she could?
Your mom is the biggest jerk, however. I hope your sister can remove herself from the family.” Sweet_Baby_Grogu
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Just apologize for your part in the messed up situation. You didn’t realize what was happening. However, you knew your sister tells you everything and she clearly hadn’t told you she was seeing someone or pregnant.
It should always be up to the pregnant woman to share with whoever she wants whenever she wants. Surprise baby showers should be planned after she shares the news. No reason to do it so soon. Baby showers usually happen in the last trimester anyway.” DashingSquirrel
Your mother screwed up royally and what she did was twisted and selfish.
Your mother wanting to throw your sister a surprise baby shower days after she found out she was pregnant, should have been a red flag. The fact that your sister didn't tell you when you say you're close and she tells you everything, should have been red flag.
22. AITJ For Calling My Niece Spoiled After She Broke My Sunglasses?
“My (25m) 3-year-old niece gets whatever she wants and has no boundaries.
My sister, her husband, and my parents let her get away with it. She will routinely climb on shelves to take stuff that isn’t hers and always wants our (my and my wife’s (24f)) baby’s (5 months) toys. We try to tell her no but she doesn’t listen to me or my wife.
Her parents and my parents do nothing to stop it either.
At Easter, she took my sunglasses multiple times after being told no by me and to not play with them. I put them up on the counter so she couldn’t reach them and found them later on the floor (she must have climbed or someone gave them to her), and the lenses were scratched beyond repair.
She also took our baby’s new book out of a bow and tried to open his Easter basket while he was napping. When we left I had to take a new teething ring of his from my niece which she screamed about. When I got him I sent my sister a picture of my glasses (not worried about it too much, they have a warranty and will be replaced free of cost) and she just said that I should’ve put them up higher.
I was upset about this cause I just wanted her to know it’s an issue and I was blamed for it. That’s when I told her the kid is spoiled and gets whatever she wants.
My parents called me later and said that I was in the wrong for saying anything and that she was just 3 years old.
I told them that I just wanted my stuff respected and her to be told no by her parents or mine because she refused to listen to me or my wife. We have been annoyed about this kind of stuff for a while and now that something actually got broken I just wanted to bring it up, but was accused of trying to start fights.
So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You do have to expect at least some chaos from 3-year-olds (some of them are worse about getting into things than others), but if your sister’s kid broke your stuff she should apologize profusely and double up on efforts to teach her child what is okay and not okay to touch.
And if the kid still won’t listen, you take her home. You don’t subject other people’s homes or children to your own kid’s wild behavior.” AccessibleBeige
Another User Comments:
“Have a talk with your sister about not only the daughter’s behavior but her own.
Tell her she can do whatever she wants with her daughter in her house, but in your house, there are rules that need to be followed. If either of them can’t or won’t obey the rules, then they won’t be invited over.
Don’t yell, be calm and insistent. Do not argue with her – hard and fast rules/boundaries aren’t to be argued over. If she continues, simply tell her that this isn’t up for discussion and any further argument will be construed as her saying she won’t obey the rules.
NTJ
Your house, your rules even for guests.” pcnauta
I'm worried about that kid. If nobody continues to teach her basic things, I'm worried for her future.
21. AITJ For Refusing To Let My Husband Come Home After He Went Out To See His Sick Mom?
“MIL moved away five years ago. Of course that is her choice and she should do what makes her happy, but I also feel she should make more of an effort to visit us as she chose to move, she doesn’t have little kids, and she just has a lot more freedom than we do.
MIL doesn’t like this and has been trying to make us visit her. This has been a battle for five years. My husband did visit once, so she finally agreed to come to us. We went to pick her up at the airport and I had my kids (6 and 4). MIL kept her distance and was honest that she began feeling sick when she got on the plane and it hurts to swallow.
I thanked her for being honest and kept my kids away from her.
We went to lunch and I sat at another booth. She ended up going to urgent care and getting a strep test, and I made her get a hotel while she waited for the results. She did have strep, so I refused to let her in my house.
My husband said I was crazy and she isn’t touchy-feely anyway, so we should be fine. He ended up wanting to spend time with her, so I said I support that but he can’t come home. He was mad but got a hotel room (which MIL had to pay for because we couldn’t afford it).
They went out every day and did stuff, but he thought he should be able to sleep at home.
Apparently, MIL was bad-mouthing me to him and calling me a control freak and a narcissist. MIL’s husband got strep as well because he doesn’t do personal space. They left this morning and my husband is still in a hotel as I don’t want him around us right now.
I told him that I wished he didn’t hang out with her as it isn’t fair to me, but I respect his choice. He won’t even talk to me and says I’m cruel and insensitive and just hate his mom.”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ and a control freak, you were way over the top. You complain about his mom not visiting and when she does you act like a jerk to her.
She was taking antibiotics, you all would have been fine. Now you’re punishing your husband because instead of spending time with you he went and visited his mother, who flew in to visit your family. You are being unfair to your husband, his mother, and your kids. He should probably take this time he’s not allowed to be at home to rethink his marriage to you.” chelsea8794
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. I can’t begin to say how much of one. You’re mad that she moved. Relationships are a two-way street. She visits you visit. Just because she moved she isn’t more responsible for visiting. Are you mad she isn’t around to use for babysitting? Why so hostile? He doesn’t have strep.
You’re using this to punish him for visiting his mom. It’s his mom, why are you so jealous? You sound miserable to be around. You owe your MIL and husband a huge apology and you need to figure out why you’re so bitter.” jgl1313
This was just a lame excuse. You're lame and petty.
ETA: I just read OP's comments. The ACTUAL reason she's upset has nothing to do with strep. She's upset because when her MIL comes to visit, MIL wants to spend time with her son. Which OP sees as a break for Husband, and more "work" taking care of the kids (?) for her. So pathetic. And I stand by my lame comment. SMH
20. AITJ For Telling My Brother's Fiancée Off After She Invited Herself To The Trip Our Family Was Planning?
“My (F 25) (step)brother Nico (29) has recently got engaged to a woman called Jenny after being together for two years.
We all tried to welcome Jenny, especially knowing that she grew up in the foster care system and didn’t have a family. We tried to get to know her, but she seemed to want an instant intimate connection rather than building one. My younger (step) sister Chelsea (22) and I bore the brunt of her neediness but our parents have also expressed concerns.
Since she met us she has been trying to insert herself into pictures, family disputes, and social events. She has no boundaries. We’ve all talked to Nico about it so many times, even sitting him down as a family and he keeps saying he will talk to her but nothing changes, and it’s got worse since the engagement.
She tried to make me her Maid of Honor, demanded my mother throw her a bridal shower, started calling my parents Mom and Dad even though they asked her not to, and reached out to distant family members that we don’t even talk to to tell them about the engagement.
Last week we were all (Chelsea, Nico, me, and our partners) staying at our parents’ place.
Jenny, Nico, and my partner were the only ones not up yet and the rest of us were in the kitchen. Chelsea, my mum, and I were talking about taking a weekend trip. Jenny came in, having overheard us, saying it sounded like fun, and proceeded to invite herself along. I was pretty annoyed by this and said she couldn’t just invite herself.
Jenny said why wouldn’t she be invited? I said because marrying Nico doesn’t give you a blanket invite to every single thing all his family does. Jenny got upset and said she would really like to be included in our family since it was the only one she knew and she doesn’t have a proper family.
I said I know that and we all sympathise but that doesn’t mean we owe you a new one.
The whole room was silent and Jenny got up and went back upstairs. She didn’t come out the rest of the day but Nico came down to chew me out over what I said.
Our parents defended me saying he had an opportunity to talk to Jenny and he didn’t. He and Jenny left the same day and he’s now only keeping low-level contact with everyone.
When I’ve spoken to him since he’s just said I went way too low with what I said to Jenny, that I’ve set her back mentally, and that she’s really down.
I do feel bad, but I also feel like Jenny has been overstepping. We are all open to a relationship with her (we all have good relationships with partners in the family) but she never really made a genuine effort to build relationships with us, she just decided she was entitled to them, which I think isn’t fair.
I don’t know if I should reach out to Nico or Jenny with a more fervent apology, which I will if I have really screwed up here. I don’t want to be the reason Nico stops talking to us. I just feel like he dropped the ball by letting it get to this point.”
Another User Comments:
“Well, Jenny was just going to keep pushing until someone pushed back, so this moment was more-or-less inevitable. You named the elephant in the room: Jenny’s neediness, which your whole family had noticed.
I don’t know whether Nico failed to talk to her in private, or whether he did and she failed to heed his warnings.
I also don’t know if getting to join what she perceived as a close-knit family is a large part of what makes Nico attractive to her.
But I do know that your comment stung deeply, and Jenny won’t stop feeling it for a long time.
It’s not impossible that this precipitates a break-up between Nico and Jenny, and if it does, it is highly likely that the blame is going to come your way, so an apology is in your strategic interest, regardless of whether your comment was justified, or not.
I think my final vote is going to be ‘everyone sucks here’; Jenny for being pushy, Nico for not warning her that her pushing wasn’t going unnoticed, and you for saying something really wounding.” south3y
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. I can not blame you for snapping and I can not blame Jenny for wanting a close family.
Growing up in the way she did can result in an intense longing for connection and safety and a lack of proper communication skills.
She shouldn’t insert herself in everyone’s business like that, but she also seems to not understand why. I hope she and your brother can work through that together.
On the other hand, I completely understand that it feels very invasive if someone does this to you, even if you understand where they are coming from.
The way you said it was a bit harsh, but I assume tension has been building up over time.
I do think it’s good to talk it out with her once all the emotions have settled and I hope your brother can facilitate the process. She needs to learn the nuance of being welcome, but not overstepping boundaries and it not being a sign of people not caring about you.” Fit_Permit
You guys need to find someone who does understand, and have them explain everything to her. And try to be patient with her.
19. AITJ For Shutting Down My Friend's Confessed Feelings For Me?
“I’m getting married in two weeks. Last week was my bachelor party and several of my friends attended, women and men. During the party one of my female friends, let’s give her the name Kelly, got very wasted and confessed to me how she’s not happy that I’m getting married and that she thinks my future wife is not a good match for me.
She also confessed she’s been in love with me since we were 21 (now we are 27) and that it hurt her feelings how I never realized and never did anything about it.
Due to the fact that she was wasted, I completely ignored what she said and I was like ‘Fine ok whatever’ at that moment.
I waited till she got sober to see if she’d say anything about this again.
Two days after the party she texted me and asked me if I thought about what she said. I told her to elaborate just to make sure she was talking about her confession. She was indeed talking about it. And I told her exactly what I thought.
I told her I didn’t care what she thought about me and my fiancée being a good match and she was not the best judge of that since she claimed to be in love with me. I also told her that I truly don’t care about her feelings towards me and I don’t know what she expected to achieve.
She was shocked to see me responding like that and she was like ‘You don’t need to be rude about this’. I replied telling her that of course I’ll be rude. She’s trying to ruin my wedding by thinking confessing to me will change anything. Told her to come back to reality and realize she’s not playing in a movie and her confession was embarrassing and instead of letting it go and blaming it on the booze she pushed it and expected to see whether she’d actually have succeeded. I told her at this point I don’t care about her at all.
That girl apparently exposed me to our friends. She didn’t tell them the whole story and I had to explain to everyone what she really said and expected. My friends kept insisting that I acted like a jerk and that just because I was getting married that gave me no right to invalidate my friend’s feelings towards me.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Are you kidding me?! How did this confession not result in you telling Kelly you have been in love with her as well but never revealed your true feelings out of fear she’d not reciprocate? Then you and Kelly fall into bed and you break off your impending nuptials!?
Oooooh… because that scenario is a nonsense bad storyline from every trashy romance ever written and/or produced!
Kelly sucks. She has no respect or care for you as a friend. A real friend would support you and keep their silly crush to themselves. A real friend would have told you of their feelings LONG before you were in a committed loving relationship and heading towards marriage. And your friends backing Kelly suck also.
Friend or not we should not cosign people’s messed up behavior.
You are NTJ. I wish you and your fiancee a beautiful wedding and a long marriage filled with infinite love, laughter, and prosperity.” Jovon35
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – I would disinvite her from your wedding. I don’t think the confession was that terrible, although she should have left out the part about you and your fiancée not being a good match and kept it purely about her own feelings.
But the fact that she is dragging your mutual friends into this non-argument is a huge red flag. There is no reason for her to be in your life anymore.” User
18. AITJ For Refusing To Host My Sister-In-Law's Baby Shower?
“My husband’s sister is expecting her second child (first with her new husband).
My MIL texted me last week and requested that I host a baby shower for SIL in the next couple of months.
MIL said she wanted to do it herself but heard it’s ‘not appropriate’ for the grandma to host a shower. I asked if SIL’s friends or anyone was already throwing a shower or sprinkle and MIL said no one was – and since MIL thinks it’s inappropriate for her to host, it sounds like if I don’t host, there will be no shower.
The other issue surrounding all of this is my husband and I have been married for 12 years and unfortunately, we’ve experienced miscarriages and many years of infertility. I do go to baby showers when I feel up to it. We both feel genuinely happy for our friends who have babies. With that being said it can be really difficult to attend baby showers while experiencing infertility and some days the pain of our miscarriage losses is not something I can button up and smile through.
At those times I politely decline shower invitations and it has nothing to do with jealousy or not being happy for the expectant parents – it’s just me managing my emotions and limiting my exposure to a topic that is tied to my most traumatic and painful personal experiences.
So I was taken aback that my MIL would make this request to host a baby shower.
But I also care for my SIL and wanted to make sure I wasn’t being petty or taking away her special occasion by making it about me and my struggles. I needed a minute to decide and to sort through my feelings. I responded and told MIL I needed to check my schedule and I was very clear in my response that I was not ready to commit to hosting the shower but would reconnect with her in the next few days.
Now for the twist – I had also just found out I’m newly pregnant! It’s the first positive test we’ve had in about 7 years of trying and since our only previous pregnancies ended in miscarriage this is a hopeful but also scary time for me and my husband. I’m planning (and praying) that this pregnancy goes full term, but if it doesn’t the next few months will be a difficult time for me to host SIL’s baby shower.
My husband and I went to his parents’ house to announce our good news (this was 4 days after we texted about the shower). MIL said, ‘So do you think you can still host the baby shower then?’ I was thrown off by the question because it was in the middle of a separate conversation and she stated it as if I had already agreed to host which I never did.
I responded that I was not sure I could and would still need to confirm.
After getting home I ultimately decided that while I really want SIL and the new baby to be properly celebrated I don’t think it’s a good idea for me to take on hosting the shower right now even though I realize that may result in her having no shower at all.
AITJ for saying no?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, it is in no way for a sister-in-law to host a baby shower, especially if they have their own hangups around fertility. MIL is leaning on old-fashioned nonsense to get out of doing her job since it’s normally her, a sister, the child’s other grandmother, or a close friend.
If she wants a shower she can throw it herself but putting pressure on you is definitely a jerk move.” captgabesparrow
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, congrats on your pregnancy. I always heard that it’s inappropriate to host your own party but there’s nothing wrong with her mother throwing the party. It sounds like she’s just saying that and putting it all on you because she doesn’t want to host. It’s more inappropriate to throw a whole party for a second pregnancy.
It’s usually more of a sprinkle or a nice lunch to toast the new addition to the family but expecting you to host a whole shower for someone who already has just about everything they need for a baby is ridiculous.” baker8590
17. AITJ For Helping My Stepdaughter Through Her First Period?
“My husband was called into work early the other morning and as a result, I had to drop my stepdaughter off at school. This usually isn’t a problem as I work from home, however she came to me in tears after she woke up because she had started her first period and she didn’t know what to do, (She didn’t have any menstrual products to use when she was with my husband and me from her mom, and she didn’t know if there were any that she could use at our house) so I found pads for her to use, had her shower, and put her clothes in the wash… pretty basic things.
After I called my husband about it, I gave my stepdaughter the option of staying home from school for the day and I asked her if she would rather be with her mom because we could work something out if that would make her feel more comfortable. She wanted to stay home from school and she said that she would rather spend the rest of the week with her dad and me.
She said that it was hard for her to talk to her mom about things like this because her mom tends to make her feel awkward. She was distraught so I tried my best to comfort her and told her that what she was going through was normal and that she didn’t need to be scared or embarrassed.
I talked with her for a while about basic feminine hygiene, and what she should expect going forward. I answered the questions that she had the best that I could while still being honest. I told her that if she ever needed anything her dad and I would always be there for her, then I left the topic alone.
She went to school the next day without any problems, and the rest of the week went fine. I checked in with her before she went back with her mother and made sure that she was alright with handling the rest of her period, gave her pads to keep at her mother’s place, and told her to call me or her dad if she had any problems. She told me that she felt okay and thanked me for helping her.
Within a few days of my stepdaughter going to her mother’s, I got a call from her mom furious that I overstepped with her daughter. She said that it was inappropriate for me to talk to my stepdaughter about her body and that I should have called her or my husband instead of handling it myself.
I tried to explain the situation to her, and that my husband was actively involved but had to be at work. She told me that I probably didn’t understand that I crossed a line because I don’t have kids or a daughter of my own, and it should’ve been common sense to ‘give her a heads up’ and let her ‘do the talking with (her) daughter’ along with a bunch of other uncalled for hurtful comments.
In her defense, maybe this was a conversation that my stepdaughter should’ve had with her mom, and my husband and I didn’t call anything to her attention… but if anything I feel like it was my husband’s place to communicate with his ex, because she has a history of being hostile towards me, and I honestly thought that I was just being there for my stepdaughter.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – I am typically all for respecting bio mom’s boundaries when it comes to a lot of step-parent relationships however you informed your husband who had no issues with it so you clearly discussed it with one of her bio parents but the biggest factor is your stepdaughter asked for YOU.
She was scared and vulnerable and expressed that her mother made her feel uncomfortable and awkward and she wanted YOUR help. You made her feel safe and helped her at what can be a really scary time for young women and there’s nothing wrong with that.” Flimsy-Dragonfly-178
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
You were perfect.
And you’re right to respect your stepdaughter’s wishes and not force her to deal with her mother when she doesn’t feel comfortable doing so.
There’s no biological right to be the person your kid turns to. It’s not your job to make your stepdaughter trust her mother. It’s not your duty to betray the poor kid’s trust in you by forcing her to talk to her mother.
What kid would want to share something so personal with a parent who saw that as a right rather than a privilege and only wanted it for ego gratification?” Revolutionary-Dryad
16. AITJ For Not Standing Up For My Friend When We Were Getting Banned From A Historic Bar?
“My (26m) best friend (26m) and I were hitting up a historic bar that is very important to people who like beat poetry and literature like Allen Ginsberg or Jack Kerouac.
He’s not always been a huge fan of those authors, but this was a day that I planned out and I wanted to go to this bar to experience it. It’s not a super clean or new place, but there’s a lot of thought that goes into the decorations, the tables, the atmosphere, and definitely the history.
Most people in my city see it as like a casual bohemian hangout, but he’s more into the rowdy street scene. He was complaining a lot about the place and asking me why I cared so much about these authors, but we had a good time and then decided to leave.
As we were leaving the bar, one of the bartenders caught up to us and asked if we were sitting at a table upstairs which we were.
He said one of us had tagged one of the tables. My friend spoke up and said he did it, and the bartender proceeded to tell him, me, and another friend we were with that we were never allowed at this bar again. I was devastated and super angry when he said that he was the one who did it, and while we were walking back – all while he was shouting expletives back at the bartender saying stuff like ‘I don’t care about this place anyway, I’m never coming back, screw that guy,’ etc. At some point, he turned to me as we walked back to his car to I guess get some support or whatever.
But instead, I said I thought it was ridiculous, selfish, and deeply disrespectful to do what he did.
We rode home about an hour from the city in almost complete silence, and when we got home he confronted me in my room about how I wasn’t being supportive of him at that moment and that if it had been me getting yelled at by someone he would’ve stepped in and done something about it.
I told him I felt similarly to the bartender and he got super mad.
AITJ for telling my best friend he’s immature for tagging a historic bar?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You don’t seem to have that in common with your friend. That’s ok as long as your friends aren’t crapping all over your favorite things, which are an expression of your deep values.
It’s a bit of a complete relationship ender that he wants you to not only tolerate something anathema to you but also support him.” Commonusage
Another User Comments:
“This is about much more than just him vandalizing the table, which is bad enough, and no, NTJ for not standing up for him; his action, his consequence.
He chose to belittle something meaningful to you in his whining about not enjoying the place (I bet you go to a lot of places he prefers and don’t make a fuss about it) and digging at you for being into these writers. Friends don’t do that. What he did to that table was really about disrespecting you, not the venue.
Again, friends don’t do that.” LipstickRevenge
15. AITJ For Choosing Sleep Over Playing With My Sister?
“My (14m) younger sister (10f) is a SPOILED BRAT. I’m not exaggerating when I say this either. She gets everything she wants, whereas I am forced to work for what I want. One clear example of this is that I wanted a gaming console to play Fortnite with my friends in September 2019.
When I saw that Nintendo had just made a new console, I asked my mom for a Switch Lite for my birthday. She looked on Amazon and said they were way too expensive, and if I wanted one, save up on my own. So I did just that. 11-year-old me saved up 200 dollars for a Nintendo Switch Lite, and I bought it in March 2020, just before the global crisis hit.
My sister, on the other hand, saw me using it and asked my mom for one. She immediately agreed and bought her one, and said it was because ‘she’s too young to know how to earn money’.
Anyway, back to the story. My mom (43f) expects me to bend over backward for my sister to play with her, cook her food, and just generally obey her every wish.
It may not seem like much, but it’s gotten to a point where I have to hang up the phone with friends oftentimes to service her, and my first significant other broke up with me because I can’t spend any time with her.
Today, I had just come back from a summer camp my grandparents had sent me to, and was exhausted from the 4-hour drive back.
I came home, and lay down on my bed, about to fall asleep, when my mom came in with my sister in tow and started yelling at me to get up and play with my sister. While half awake, I told her, ‘I’m done giving my life up for (sister), please leave and let me sleep’.
My mom and sister both started crying, and my mom has been yelling at me, telling me I’m a jerk for choosing sleep over my family. My dad who divorced my mom a few years ago texted me telling me I did what was right for me, and it’s good I’m finally sticking up for myself.
So, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You are not a replacement dad. Your mum is trying to make things better for your sister & in turn, you resent your sister. This is your mum’s problem. She will ruin your relationship with your sister if she muddies your role & responsibilities. You are supposed to enjoy each other, not serve her.
You stood up for yourself & this will happen more as you grow up & get older & realize your mum’s expectations are not appropriate.
I hope your sister doesn’t take advantage of her relationship with your mum by throwing it in your face. If she does then your sister is a problem as well.” phoenixbubble
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
It is okay for you to establish firm boundaries and at 10 it is WAY past time for your sister to hear them.
Decide what you are willing to do for your sister and that is what you do. No more, no less (unless you are being paid to babysit).
Tell mom that you are sick of being sister’s parent and you are sick of her behaving like a spoiled brat.
Tell her that you SHOULD be able to be a 14-year-old kid and part of that is having your boundaries respected and respecting the fact that you need time and space away from your sister. That you will engage with her on YOUR terms but not just because she wants you to. Do it politely but get your dad and grandparents to back you up.
It sounds like they are VERY well aware of what is going on.
Good luck and hang in there.” User
Also, you're 14 now. You should be able to have a say in who you want to live with. If you want, and if it's an option, tell your dad you want to live with him and ask him to petition the court. Or maybe your grandparents can be a respite for you?
I really hope you don't have to put up with these people who treat you like crap (mother and sister) for 4 more years. I really hope you can get away and have the childhood (teenagehood?) that you deserve.
14. AITJ For Being Angry At My Husband For Photoshopping My Photos?
“My (26F) husband (31M) is an amazing photographer.
He is a professional and does this (and more) for a living.
We recently had a picnic (us and our two children) and he took a bunch of photos of us throughout the day. I am not against photoshopping a picture. All previous pictures that he has photoshopped have been so delicate that you don’t notice the changes and it still looks like me.
He showed me the pictures today and he totally changed almost everything about me. I now have a rounder face shape, a smaller nose, a cinched waist, and a bigger bum to name a few things. I don’t recognize myself.
I (initially) calmly told him that these photos looked nothing like me and he told me ‘I just made you look beautiful’.
I was/am extremely hurt by this. These things he edited are things I am insecure about. I know my nose is big. I know I am not as fit as I was before (my youngest is not even 1 yet and I haven’t lost all the baby weight yet).
I explained to him that I don’t like it and that it makes me feel bad about myself and insecure about things I can’t change (nose for example).
He called me ridiculous and that’s when I blew up at him. I said that I know I am not perfect but he used Photoshop to change me into something ‘more beautiful’ by taking away everything he knows I am insecure about. I called him a jerk and told him that what he did showed me what he actually finds attractive and it surely isn’t me because that isn’t me in those photos.
He called me a jerk because he spent all day photoshopping all the photos for us and that I don’t trust his professional opinion and because I started a fight over small edits he made.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your husband is an unbelievable jerk! ‘I just made you look beautiful’?! Really? How did he think that comment would go over?
The guy changed everything about you to transform you into his ridiculous vision of an ideal woman and is angry at YOU?
Hun, I would find someone who’s also good at Photoshop and ask them to change his picture completely. Make him thinner, with broader shoulders, bigger muscles, and a cucumber in his pants. Then show them to him and tell him you’re going to frame this one because it ‘makes him look much more handsome.'” cbm984
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
You expressed your displeasure about his editing and he tried to gaslight you and make it your fault. Heck no! What he did was create a creature that isn’t you. You are you, ‘warts’ and all. Nobody wants to look at a picture that is supposed to be them but doesn’t look like them.
It doesn’t matter how many hours he spent editing. Put it back.
Hubby needs to apologize, change the picture, and not do it again.” Ducky818
13. AITJ For Banning My Mom From Our Family's Thanksgiving?
“My wife always hosts Thanksgiving and she takes it very seriously. For the past two years, my mom has come with her partner, now fiance, Leo. I don’t know Leo too well as he doesn’t really engage, but the first year my mom came in with a huge bag and was acting really weird and secretive.
When we sat down to eat, I noticed that Leo’s food looked slightly different from ours. I saw my wife giving it funny looks as well and I asked. At first, they tried to lie. Then my mom admitted that she had snuck Leo food from home. I didn’t let it go and wanted an answer.
She finally admitted that he hated our food and she wanted him to enjoy the holiday.
I was annoyed but waited to take her aside. She was told to never do that again. This year she brought Leo again. Neither ate much and they only stayed a little over an hour. When I confronted my mom she admitted that she was going home to have another dinner with Leo and some friends, because she feels so guilty knowing he is willing to spend his whole holiday doing something that makes him miserable for her sake.
My wife called her a pick me. My mom didn’t know what that was, so that was an interesting conversation. My mom finally admitted Leo grew up very poor and that is why he hates our food so much, because it reminds him of his mother’s cooking. I don’t even know what that meant, but I could see my wife’s b***d was boiling so I told my mom she wasn’t allowed to come back with Leo.
She asked who spends the holidays without their partner, but I said she had to choose between the two of us. I ended up banning her and she called me a jerk and the whole family is furious with me. They say I’m being irrational and should just ignore it because he makes her really happy.
Oh, we are also uninvited from the wedding.”
Another User Comments:
“Lots of people spend a holiday in two places and lots of people are picky eaters. You and your wife are making a mountain out of a molehill. So someone doesn’t care for your wife’s cooking, hardly the end of the world. However, if you want to ban your mother from your home and holidays for such a ridiculous reason, it is your business but YTJ for taking such an extreme measure because your wife got butthurt because they think she’s a lousy cook.” penguin_squeak
Another User Comments:
“YTJ, man I know it sucks that your wife’s cooking doesn’t feel appreciated but come on! Sure they could have brought it up and said they wanted to bring in their own food so you’d know ahead of schedule. Yet all they did was do their best not to inconvenience you.
They didn’t ask you to buy anything specific for Leo.
Didn’t ask you to be his personal chef for his own meal. Didn’t even bring it up to the family. They tried to be discreet by bringing him his own food. Tried to just eat less of something he didn’t enjoy eating so he could go meet with some other who may matter to your mom and to Leo for food.
You and your wife blew it up to this. You felt like the meals you provided weren’t good enough. So you lashed out hurt. Kinda pitiful.” Old-Strategy-672
12. AITJ For Wanting My Mom To Stay With Us For Six Months Every Year?
“I (f 26) have been living abroad for five years, and my husband (m 34) and I have been married since last year. I have recently found out that I am pregnant, and since my husband comes from a wealthy background and has a very high-paying job we have decided that I would be a stay-at-home mom for the most part until our child starts school, and will also be working part-time on side projects (more as a hobby than by necessity, as this extra income would be totally useless to us but it’s still important to me to have some sort of career rather than solely being a mom).
I know that it has been very difficult for my mother to be away from me for all of those years, and it would be important for her to be close to her future grandchildren. She is retired, my father has been deceased for seven years and my brother does not have any children yet so I thought it would be a good idea to raise the idea to have her come live in the country I live in for half a year for the next couple years.
That way she could help me with the kid, I would be able to spend some quality time and bond with her, and our child would be able to get to know his grandmother and learn my native language from her (we are planning on raising him or her in English and Korean as those are relevant languages in the country we are living in, but my mother only speaks French so having her in the house will allow the child to hopefully grow up trilingual).
However, my husband has been against the idea and has argued that I should not have made the offer to my mother before consulting him first (admittingly he is right on that part). He said that he loves my mother, but that he is not comfortable having her around the house for half of the time because he would have a very hard time communicating with her because of the language barrier, and has offered to fly my mother over for a few weeks at the time a couple of times a year without having her move in with us.
Furthermore, he also pointed out the fact that I have also once told him that I was not open to the idea of his mother moving in with us at any point. However, although I love his mom she is a lot more bossy and conservative than my mother is, and since I will be the one who will be spending most of my time at home I’d rather be around my own mother, who would not even be here full time anyways and would be a lot more comfortable for me to be around 24/7.
Our house is also really big and there is plenty of space for my mom, who is also going to be more than happy to help around the house and with the baby. Having her to help out would also allow me to concentrate a bit on my side project rather than taking care of the baby all the time, but my husband has pointed out that it’s not even necessary for me to work at all in the first place since he is making plenty of money.
I’m pretty upset that my husband is closed to the idea as my mother and I were really looking forward to having her come over. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ for not clearing it with him before you ever brought it up with your mother. You are an even bigger jerk because you are not ok with your MIL living with you, that makes you a massive hypocrite.
Your husband is supposed to be comfortable being around your mom 24/7 but you wouldn’t be comfortable being around his? If there is plenty of space for your mother there should be plenty of space for his mother. Do you not see how that makes you a massive hypocrite?” annoymous1996
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. I get that it’s your mother and everything and if it was just about you guys having a separate place for her to drop by and sometimes visit you I guess that’d be cool, but let’s be honest here, you don’t want your mother.
You want a babysitter. And I guess that paying for a professional would be way less stressful for your husband than having to open his house 24/7 for 6 months for his mother-in-law.
And… doesn’t your mother have like… a life in her own country? Friends and everything? I guess I find it weird she’d be willing to drop everything to just help you with the baby.” Hopeful-Pride
11. AITJ For Not Wanting To Cook Fish In My House?
“My wife (32F) and I (30F) organized a lunch on Good Friday. I’m an atheist and she’s a vegan.
I invited my friends and before they accepted, I said: 1.
there will be red meat and chicken (barbecue); 2. I won’t make fish or seafood (I don’t even like the smell of fish, I feel like throwing up and I’m extremely allergic to seafood); 3. there will be a vegan option for those who do not want to eat red meat or chicken, but if they want fish, they were free to make homemade; 4.
I wouldn’t be sad if they didn’t want to go.
Most said it was fine, including the restricted Christians that day and they all wanted my wife’s food (she is a chef specializing in vegan food).
My sister (33F) was one of the guests, but I didn’t expect her to accept it because she always spent every year with my parents on that date.
But she got divorced 2 weeks ago and my vigorous Catholic parents turned their backs on her and my nephew, so now she only has me. And I added to her saying that I didn’t want her to make the fish at my home, but at hers, because I know that my family prepares all the food in the same house.
She agreed to this.
My sister arrived early (a common thing) with my nephew and I saw that she brought several things. When I asked, she said that she still didn’t have a stove in her new house (my other brothers and I bought her a new one, but it will arrive in 1 week), so she brought it to make it here at home because fish is an annual tradition for our family and it was a quick thing (it wasn’t, I know my family very well on that), so she didn’t think I would have a problem with it, because I know she couldn’t do it at her house.
I said it wouldn’t happen because I made it very clear to her that I wouldn’t make fish in my house. I know she didn’t have a stove, but at my house, it wasn’t a tradition anymore and there was a vegan option for those who were restricted that day.
My sister reacted badly, saying that I couldn’t impose my religious beliefs and that I was being intolerant of hers.
She left and hasn’t spoken to me ever since.
I don’t know if I was a jerk… but I hate fish, I almost always threw up when my parents made fish because I didn’t like it and I didn’t want my house to stink of it.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Very lapsed Catholic here.
Fish on Friday may be her personal desire, but it’s one incorrect interpretation out of many of the ‘rules’ about abstaining from meat on Fridays during Lent. It’s not a rule of ‘you must eat fish on Fridays’ but more of a ‘let’s define meat as coming from a warm-blooded animal and then we can still eat fish on Fridays.’ So you weren’t intolerant of her religious beliefs.” TemptingPenguin369
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
You owe it to your guests to set realistic expectations before they make plans to come over. You did this. You don’t owe it to them to cater to any and everything they want. Your sister knew what to expect, and chose to ignore that figuring you would feel too bad to hold her to those expectations.
If she tells you off for it again, remind her that you aren’t trying to force your views on her, but you don’t appreciate her trying to force hers on you. She was free to have fish, she just couldn’t cook it at your house.” dave7243
10. AITJ For Asking My Partner For Money?
“When I (23 F) met my partner (26), we both had stable jobs. I had a full-time and a part-time and he just worked a typical 9-6 job. We paid for our own things and when we went out or did anything it was whoever picked up the tab. More often than not I usually offered to pay.
I grew up that I shouldn’t owe anyone anything so I should just pay for myself.
Anyway, we got pregnant and decided I should move in with him. He doesn’t pay rent because he lives in his parents’ house. But it’s separated, top floor is his parents and downstairs we have our 2 rooms, living room, bathroom, and another room.
He doesn’t even pay his phone bill. At first, I found it weird but his parents said they did this for all their children and that they don’t demand rent. So I hesitantly agreed to stay there while we save up.
When I was 7 months pregnant there was a mold issue at my job and we both spoke and agreed I should just stay home and that we weren’t comfortable with daycare so I should be a stay-at-home mom for the first year.
When I was 8 months pregnant he lost his job. Instead of looking actively for a job he relied on unemployment, did Uber Eats once a week for money, or side jobs. Btw he’s a mechanic, he just chose not to actively look for a job.
He eventually gets a job 2 months after I give birth.
It’s a 9-6 job and at least twice a month he does his side job of working on people’s cars which pays him a good amount. And while I wanted/needed money for things, I stood quiet. His mom spoke to both of us saying he should give me $50 a week if I need anything.
I agreed and told him some money would be nice. He shrugged it off. Every time he got paid he would laugh if I brought up the $50 and make it seem like it wasn’t a big deal.
I finally had enough and demanded he give me some money. I am already looking for a job but it’s hard when every daycare I call doesn’t have a place for a baby.
My baby is 5 months. I have called 4 different towns/cities. He said things like ‘What do you need money for?’ ‘I can’t afford that’ ‘I’m going to send you money but I want to see what this stupid $50 can do for you’. I told him if $50 was too much he could always give $20.
But I know he could afford $50 when he is always buying car parts, doesn’t pay rent, orders food daily, spends $80 on Pokémon/Yu-Gi-Oh cards every other week, etc. I just blew up and told him I didn’t need his money and that if I had to go to a woman’s shelter with my baby I would and how dare he act selfish.
We received a good amount for taxes, I claimed the baby and we split it down the middle. Yesterday we went grocery shopping and I paid $100+ for it. Meanwhile, I don’t have an income. When I called him out on it he said I’m the one who wanted groceries. Are we supposed to starve?
Anyway, I don’t want to talk to him, and frankly not sure if I should be with him. Am I the jerk because I demanded money?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and you need to get a job and move. And you need to be preparing yourself to be able to support the baby without his financial support.
He isn’t reliable and you’ll probably need to go through the courts to get child support but I wouldn’t depend on that being regular. He seems like the type who would become unemployed to not pay and be spiteful.” niennabobenna
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
You don’t have one child, you have two. He is babied by his family, luckily they seem not to play favorites from your story and even his mom can recognize his wrongdoings.
The problem is, he does not care for you or the baby. Does he interact with the baby? Does he treat you?
A man who complains about getting groceries for the mother of his child and his child is a jerk. That’s the truth. You need to leave, there’s no point in staying with someone who doesn’t respect you.
He clearly doesn’t, not if he can regularly spend money on less significant stuff without hesitation, and then when it comes to his baby, suddenly he’s restricted?
I would leave him and apply for child support if possible. If he isn’t giving it, force him. Because your child is entitled to it.
He agreed you’d not work for a year, but he can’t support you? You need a man, not a child.
Question, when bringing up the woman’s shelter, what was his reaction and response? Also, you claimed for the baby, why did you split this with him? He obviously doesn’t provide for the baby, I would state this and ask for it back.
If you have a good relationship with his parents, I would suggest speaking to them and telling them how he treats you, his spending habits, and how he neglects his baby. They obviously are in a good financial position and if they care for their grandbaby, maybe they would be willing to help you until you find a job.” Effective-Pair-3633
9. AITJ For Not Wanting My Niece's Friends In My House Anymore?
“I (29f) am an aunt to my niece and nephew (14f and 14m). They are the children of my sister (34f).
I love them very much and see them multiple times a week. My husband (29m) is extremely well off due to his parents and job, I don’t work and we don’t have any kids (for now), so I love to spend time with my niblings and spoil them.
My nephew is a gymnast and cheerleader.
While he’s a feminine guy, his best friends are the dudes on the football team. They often go to the gym with him. They love seeing him cheer for them and are extremely sweet boys. They also constantly encourage him to go to extra help and are positive influences, but they’re also the type of boys whose entire personality is sports.
One of them wants to double major in sports management and sports journalism and take business classes at a college. A few want to be gym teachers. They’re all freshmen in high school now.
These boys are really sweet like I mentioned, and also not afraid to show their emotions. They’re the type of students who take P.E.
class extremely seriously. A few days ago, the kids were playing basketball in the gym. One of the boys was on the losing team. He got upset and at the end of the class, went to some of his friends and cried to them. He didn’t make a big scene or yell at anyone.
He was just confiding in them, and they tried to make him feel better. A few of my niece’s friends are in the class. After the kids left the locker rooms, the girls started to mock him for his crying, called him names, and teased him. The boys told the teacher what the girls were doing and the girls ended up getting detention.
My niece defends her friends insisting the boy needs to ‘toughen up’.
I told her yesterday I didn’t want her friends coming over anymore. The reasons I gave were that they bullied one of the boys who come over to our house and that I think they’re a bad influence on her. She got really mad at me and is now claiming I favor her brother and has called me a jerk and other names.
She asked how I would feel if I raised a kid who cried ‘just because he lost in gym.’ AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but good on you for being firm with your niece. These girls need to realize that boys can be as emotional as girls are and bullying is unacceptable. Her actions could be the result of peer pressure so it would be beneficial for her to distance herself from that gang.
Let her know if she continues being with this gang when she messes up or does something inexcusable, they will ostracise her and won’t be there to ‘back her up.'” simonareggae
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It’s your house and you can choose who to allow in it. You have good reason to not allow rude teenagers, and it shows your nephew that we can stand up to bullies and set boundaries without shouting, etc. We can choose who we allow into our lives, and we should take bullying seriously.
Not to mention that the whole toxic masculinity nonsense society forces on men is nonsense that should be ignored.
On the other side, this could harm your relationship with your niece. You’re not a jerk for it, it’s simply a possible outcome of your actions. Given how she acts though it sounds as if she needs a wake-up call as to which type of person she is starting to turn into.
She herself is the only one who can decide whether to become one or not, but now she sees that someone thinks that kind of behavior is wrong and that there are consequences.
You can compromise and tell her that they can come back in, for example, three months if you don’t hear about more bullying or other disturbing behavior from them, but you don’t have to.” eiroai
8. AITJ For Not Wanting To Babysit For My Sister-In-Law Anymore?
“I’ve lived in my camper for the last 4.5 years traveling with my husband for his job. We had 2 kids and 2 dogs until recently when we rescued a third. (Space is fine, we spend lots of time outside). When my SIL had her baby last October, we moved our camper to their property so I could be her childcare.
My husband was still traveling, and we only saw him once a week. We were staying there for free so I didn’t expect her to pay me.
Fast forward to March of this year. I told her I missed my husband and would be going back on the road until my son started school this year.
Told her she needed to find childcare by April first because that was when I was leaving. She didn’t find childcare until the day before we left. We came back last weekend for my son to start school, and there were some mix-ups with the RV park we were supposed to be staying in back here in our hometown, and we didn’t have a spot once we got there.
SIL says no problem, you can come back here until you guys can get in. I asked if I needed to watch the baby or can we just pay rent, and she said ‘Don’t worry about it!’
When we left in April, I told her she needed to get her baby on a waitlist for daycare because I would be too busy to take care of her if we moved back.
She didn’t. She had her husband’s sister keep the baby and never found a daycare. She’s been having issues with the sister taking the baby to strangers’ houses and getting stranded with no gas in 110° heat so I said I would keep the baby ONLY until she got her into a daycare. She said ‘No, it’s fine.
I’m looking into daycares now’ so the night before last, she came to me and said ‘_____ got a job. Can you start keeping her next week?’ I told her I could but she still needed to find a daycare. She said, ‘I’m not finding anything that’s in the price range I want to pay’.
Ended up keeping the baby yesterday and after realizing how HARD it was going to be on me with a puppy, toddler, one starting school, and a mobile baby, I told her I couldn’t mentally handle it and we could discuss rent for the remainder of our time there. She said ‘You’re my only option’.
The thing is we’re about to buy a house. It’s not my problem that she keeps waiting to find childcare until the last minute. I can’t schedule buying a home around her being a procrastinator. I’m so fed up with her that I want to leave today and force her to figure it out.
She never looked into childcare costs when pregnant because she always just assumed the stay-at-home sister-in-law would keep the baby. She wants to pay $800/month. CHILDCARE HERE FOR AN INFANT IS AN AVERAGE OF 1200/MONTH! I feel trapped.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Full-time childcare costs lots more than rent. Live-in nannies are PAID as well as getting room and board.
Your SIL was taking advantage of you. She parlayed lot rent into the much greater benefit of your full-time care of her baby, while still leaving you feeling beholden for a place to park. You have given her a tremendous gift by watching her baby for so long. That does not create an obligation for you to continue to do it.
Her devaluing your ‘free’ labor and treating it as her right is insulting and demeaning.
You PAID to park your RV in her yard. You overpaid. Instead of acknowledgment and appreciation, she’s complaining that her serf is moving on.” curious382
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You’re only feeling trapped because you haven’t dealt with this with the right attitude yet.
Refuse to babysit clearly and uncompromisingly. If she comes knocking, don’t answer, if she drops the baby off at your doorstep, take it right back to her place. If no one is home or answers, call the police and let them take care of it.” 295Phoenix
7. AITJ For Not Wanting To Be Part Of My Parents' Vow Renewal?
“My parents both two-timed each other after I became an adult, and it was traumatizing for reasons that anyone who has experienced this can most likely understand.
They were about to file divorce papers after my mom got my dad fired by storming into his office at work and confronting him and the woman he was seeing. This of course was after she had already been caught in her own infidelity with someone at her own workplace.
Throughout the 5-year ordeal, she would inappropriately vent about my dad to my sister and me, further traumatizing us as we grappled with our family falling apart.
She also used my husband’s access to job perks (he was unwitting) to get her side-piece tickets to an event—where he then hung out with my husband, who had no idea.
Just a few examples of the absolutely crazy, selfish behavior that has me requiring therapy to recover from.
In a nutshell, the whole ordeal was crazy and put us through a lot.
It broke my heart and my spirit greatly.
So fast forward to two years ago, I had a baby. And they fall so in love with their grandson that they recommit to each other, our family, and being better people. They believe my son was a gift/sign from God and now they are reconciled and are wonderful grandparents.
Problem is… I am still pretty tender after getting my butt beat by their years-long drama. And it seems to me like they are going out of their way in unnatural ways to ‘prove’ they are in love again.
Primary example: they are doing a vow renewal. Seems like a nice idea… but…
They hired the random pastor who married my husband and me 10 years ago.
Like the guy has no connection to our family other than the fact that he married my husband and me.
And they want my son to walk them down the aisle.
I am like… Listen you guys do whatever you want but I don’t want to be part of this wacky attempt to prove you are in love now.
I want my memories of my wedding untainted by this craziness and I don’t want my son involved at all.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
CRAZY sounds like a good description of this scenario. I’d stay far away as you plan to do. Let them demonstrate their re-found love for one another with their actions over time.
Unless they’ve really changed, their grandson will not be enough to keep them together.” Ducky818
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here
I would reconsider your support for their efforts. You have every right to keep it as minimal as you wish but it feels like, weirdly, they look up to you now. You are not responsible for being your own parents’ role model but it seems like that is the position life has put you in.
With great power comes great responsibility.” MangalugAC
6. AITJ For Not Telling My Daughter About Her Half-Brother?
“My (40f) ex (46m) and I have a daughter (14f). When she was 3 I found out he had an affair and left with her the same day I found out. He tried everything to get us back and when I refused he got so aggressive about it that we ended up in a women’s shelter for 3 months.
He insisted that nothing ever happened with that woman and that she was a stalker and a drinking addict who just made things up, but since he had a history of infidelity, was a notorious liar and because that woman knew a lot about his habits and behavior I believed her (also, before I found out he always lied about where he was until I found out because he crashed my car when he was visiting her).
He said he had ended things, but after a while, she called me and told me she was pregnant. He still lied about it and even had her removed from his property by the police when she wanted to ask for support with the baby.
The baby was born and a paternity test proved it was his.
He refused to be a father to this boy, didn’t pay child support, and even gave him up for adoption when his mother was found unfit to be his parent (he had special needs).
During that time I was building up a new life for my daughter and me and although I felt bad for the mother and the kid, I didn’t want to get involved in any of that mess, but they both kept calling me and gave me updates about what happened. My ex also told me the boy was his ‘business’ and that I had no right to tell our daughter.
I never did. Even though he was a crappy partner he always tried to be a good dad for our daughter and I wanted her to grow up knowing that she was loved by both parents. I supported their relationship as long as he was treating her well.
Now she is 14 and has started to realize what kind of person he is.
Last year he got aggressive towards her, too, (for the first time), so she doesn’t want to visit him anymore and I support her in that. And now I wonder if I should have told her about that kid (so she would have known she had a brother, but also what kind of person he was earlier), or if I should tell her now?
I wouldn’t even know how to find that boy and my ex would not help, but seriously freak out if I did.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, you did everything you did to protect yourself and your daughter. I don’t know if you need to tell her everything just yet. Maybe tell her that as she gets older she may see things about her father she has questions about and that you’ll answer anything she wants to know.
Tell her that when she is a little older you’ll share everything with her but that you love her and will be there for her.” gjwtgf
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here – as your daughter is the other party and she certainly isn’t a jerk. I will say, my half-brother connected with his half-siblings after their father passed and I saw how much it meant to him.
Just something to think about for the future, maybe.
It is good that you didn’t tell her as a way of showing her what type of person he was. Children often love both parents… until they don’t. I am not sure one parent revealing the painful qualities of the other ever works the way it’s intended. She knows how she feels from her own experience now, and it’s great that you’re supporting her.” mikrokosmosmoonchild
5. AITJ For Not Paying For My Daughter's College Tuition?
“I (40s F) have been remarried for the past 3 years to my lovely husband (40s M). Together we have 4 kids: my biological daughter from a previous marriage (16), and his three children (16M, 15F, 14F).
My daughter lives with us pretty much full-time except for a monthly weekend visit with her father (I tried to allow him more custody, but as soon as we divorced he was pretty uninterested in parenting).
The thing about my ex is that he’s very wealthy and comes from money.
When we were in a relationship he would often try to manipulate and control me with his money. Currently, I think he’s still trying to do that, but by turning my daughter against me and her stepfamily. My husband showers my daughter with gifts (makeup, clothes, the newest technology, the best schools, even a new car).
This has led to several fights, such as my daughter’s schooling (since she lives with me, I was the one who had to drive her every 30 minutes out of our way) or how my daughter treats her step-siblings (my daughter is of the firm opinion that anything bought by her father is hers, but anything bought by anyone in our house is everyone’s.
This led to a weeks-long argument over lotion, in which I had to buy each girl their own set). I’ve tried to compromise, but anything just leads my daughter to threaten to live with her father.
I’ve just given in and adjusted accordingly. If her father’s going to buy it anyway (normally something nicer than I can afford), there’s no reason for her to have two things she won’t share with her siblings.
This has led to some conflict. We give each of the kids money for lunch on top of their allowance. I stopped giving my daughter hers because her father gives her a ton, and she liked to rub it in her siblings’ faces. She accused me of punishing her for being rich, but I think it’s just a waste of money especially because she spends the extra on her already rich, private school friends.
In the course of this argument, it came out that I’m technically not saving for her college education. (To explain, my husband and I put all of our money in a joint account. Part of that fund gets put into a potential college fund. I currently don’t plan on giving her any part of it).
She’s livid and saying I’m choosing my new family over her. In my opinion, she has every opportunity (good school, good tutors, good college application manager, good technology) that she can use to get a fantastic scholarship. If she goes to an exclusively need-based, then her father can pay for it. Her step-siblings don’t have that because their mother is dead.
Our income is the only thing they’ll have.
My daughter is livid and is now choosing to live with her father full-time. AITJ for not paying for my daughter’s college tuition?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You are saving what you can afford for all your kids and will use it as it is needed. If her father meets her needs, your savings are not needed. This is a perfectly reasonable approach and if she goes on thinking she is entitled to have more than everybody else, she’s not going to be a very pleasant adult someday.
I think you should avoid discussing your finances with her. She’s a minor and it’s not really her business. It would be good if one of you could find out what, if anything, her father is prepared to contribute towards college. That ought to help her make plans about what she wants to do.
If she wants to go live with her dad, let her try it. I doubt it will go as well as she imagines but she might learn a few things about what a parent looks like.” sparkledotcom
Another User Comments:
“YTJ to your daughter. Your new husband’s kids are not her siblings. It is a HUGE adjustment for an only child to suddenly have to share space and time with their parent with three other kids that they don’t have a personal relationship with.
Of course she prefers her father’s house, where she gets given expensive things that she isn’t forced to share; where her thoughts, feelings, and opinions are given priority; where she doesn’t have to compromise and adjust her life; and where she has privacy and feels secure. I don’t know any of you and I would 100% prefer to live in her father’s house than in yours.
And YTJ for how you are handling the college-saving thing. From an early age, all children should be told what their parents’ plan is for saving for their college, and what they’ll be expected to provide for themselves (through loans and/or working through school). Even if you were only contributing $50/month to your daughter’s college savings while your ex was contributing 10 or 20 times that much, you BOTH should have been contributing, and there should be a plan exclusively in your daughter’s name rather than some joint savings that your husband’s kids get a claim to.
Please sort this all out before you totally lose your daughter.” Allimack
4. AITJ For Threatening To Get A Divorce If My Husband Doesn't File His Taxes?
“First of all, I acknowledge that I entered this marriage ignoring the red flags. We’ve been married a year, and have a daughter (I have three other kids from a previous marriage). I make significantly more than he does, and I knew he was financially insecure (irresponsible?) when we got together.
Anyway I’ve owned my own home for years, I’ve got a good savings built up, so his lack of money hasn’t been a big deal. But… inflation hit and my business has had a difficult few months.
I filed as Head of Household for years before we got married, and last year I had to file Married Filing Separately because I knew he was going to owe (he’s a musician and gets paid mostly 1099).
I lost significant tax benefits by filing Married Filing Separately.
Anyway, fast forward to now. I need my total household income info (tax returns, etc) for my kids’ private school tuition financial aid application and I asked for his taxes. Turns out he hasn’t filed in two years. I lost my mind. I called him irresponsible and immature, I said I was embarrassed to be married to him.
Not my best moment. Then I told him he needed to get himself together or we needed to get divorced – not that we have to break up, but we have to file a divorce, etc so I can get my head of household status back and be able to handle my finances without me needing his financial info.
He would pay me rent, get a child support order, etc just so I could be financially free and have the proper documentation for financial aid, etc.
He started crying and is now filing his taxes angrily. I feel awful. I didn’t want to hurt his feelings but this has been going on for years, and if I ever bring up money it leads to a fight.
He says finances make him anxious, I offered to do the taxes for him and negotiate with the IRS (I’m an attorney). He refused my help. I suggested ways he could avoid tax debt and offered to set up a limited liability company for him with proper withholdings. Again he refused my offer. Am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, because you’ve offered to do this for him and he has refused.
For most of your post, I was baffled why you haven’t taken on all the tax filing responsibilities for both of you (and then he takes on equivalent work elsewhere in the marriage so that you’re still contributing equally to the partnership).
He’s clearly hopeless at it and you’re clearly great, so you can each lean into your strengths and away from your weaknesses here, which would be ideal. But you’ve offered and he refused?! Madness.” Jaded_Lab_1539
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and it sounds like more than financial anxiety if he’s refusing help and it’s been two years of negligence.
Clarify to him that the relationship is not in jeopardy, just legally bound to his financial situation. Therapy for the two of you would probably be really helpful to get a better understanding of what’s happening on both sides. From here it looks like there’s probably more going on than perhaps either of you realize around the emotions about money.” Ambitious_Rush_6851
3. AITJ For Wanting My Cousin To Pay For My TV Her Kids Broke?
“I (22 M) come from a large extended family (around 40 if you count partners/kids of cousins). We all gather for holidays, but occasionally like to meet up for special occasions.
One of my cousins (F 30s) has two boys (4 and 2). I personally don’t really like them, but I think it’s because I was always one of the youngest and did not always have to deal with younger cousins/siblings.
However, last weekend really proved my point
We gathered for a family gathering at my house for a birthday, and almost everyone came, including my cousin and her kids. I brought my TV from my room down for a little kids’ area we set up. I was hesitant but decided what the heck. During the party, the boys were watching a movie, and the 4-year-old wanted to change it and tried to take the remote, but with no success.
He decided to turn off the TV, but was fighting off the other kids, and pushed it off the table, shattering it. I was livid. I took the already broken TV, threw it against the ground then ran off. I let myself cool down, and returned to the party, but kept my distance. The cousin kept apologizing for the incident and promised to discipline her boys, which really didn’t matter to me.
When looking for a new TV, I found one around the same price as my old one (maybe 20 bucks more?). I took a picture of the TV I had been interested in and sent it to her asking for her opinion. She was confused. I explained my thinking, and she responded with this. ‘I’m sorry the boys broke your TV, I really am, but I should not be expected to buy a new one for you, as my money can and should be spent on my family.’ Keep this in mind, if she was a struggling parent, I would not have sent this to her, as she should keep her pennies.
But she isn’t. She has a great income as well as her husband, and they live in a wealthy area of our town and have season tickets to our town’s sports team. I asked how her reasoning was fair, as it was not that expensive of a TV ($160), and how she expects to not pay for her boys’ actions.
She called me a jerk and reported me to my mom and siblings.
My immediate family is on my side, but others think while I am in the right, I should just let it go for the sake of ‘family’. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Holy cow, NTJ at all. As a mom myself, it is absolutely basic decency to replace something or offer to replace something at someone’s house if your child breaks it.
Something as big as a TV you shouldn’t even have had to go through the effort. She should have gotten the information on the spot to replace it. Obviously, there could be extending circumstances if money were tight, but since it isn’t in this scenario, this is just horrible behavior on her part.” Federal-Scallion-627
Another User Comments:
“Her expenses include her children. Her children’s actions broke your TV. Her kids can’t compensate you for the situation. The correct discipline for that action would be to replace your TV. She has to spend money on her kids/family who broke your TV. It was her responsibility to watch over her kids to prevent accidents like this and she failed, therefore, she herself has to compensate you for the costs of the TV.
She is entitled and truly not taking accountability for the situation. If her kids broke their home TV, computer, or fridge they would pay to replace it, they owe others the same respect.
You are NTJ.
That said your approach to it was a bit cringey. You could have reached out to your cousin directly and said, look your kids broke the TV, and while that’s okay, and I forgive them, I do expect you guys to cover the cost of it or replace it.
It cost XYZ amount. And if she pushes back you stand your ground.
Sending her a TV link without first addressing your expectations is a bit cringe, to be honest.
Also unrelated but important… Kids make mistakes and they’re hyper and do things. Things happen. Things break. Get a grip — you should have more control over your emotions so that you don’t throw a TV back on the ground when kids mess up.
This doesn’t have much to do with your original question but you are kind of a jerk for doing this in front of kids at a party. You chose to put your TV there knowing young children would be there, it’s a calculated risk.” Opposite_Yam_5511
2. AITJ For Refusing To Be One Of My Brother's Fiancée's Bridesmaids?
“My brother’s fiancée asked me to be one of her bridesmaids, however, I respectfully declined. She and my brother were in a toxic relationship and even had a restraining order out against him because of how horrible it got.
They randomly got back together (which no one saw coming) and she moved into my house after only 5 months of being together. Then they got engaged 5 months after she moved in.
Over the course of her moving in, she was extremely rude and acted as if it was her own house while not paying the bills.
When I was getting my own place to move out she kindly threw all the stuff I had downstairs in the kitchen in a box and put it on the table for me. She has been continuously rude and I’ve even heard her call my mom a witch and tell my brother how much she hates her.
I have no respect for her or for their relationship.
I’m still traumatized from having to experience the magnitude of their fights and how horrible it could be. I can’t imagine when they have children one day, it absolutely breaks my heart to think they will fall back into those same old patterns considering that they act as if all the horrible things between them never happened.
My mom doesn’t know all the things his fiancée has said about her so she is making me feel like the most horrible person. Telling me that this will ruin my relationship with my brother and that I’ll never get to see any of my nieces or nephews. I’m tired of always going along with what my family wants and trying to push me to do things I don’t want to do.
I genuinely don’t think she deserves for me to be in her wedding. Regardless, am I the jerk for not wanting to be one of her bridesmaids?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Maybe you need to enlighten your mom about the things she’s said about her. It’s very hard for her to relate to how you feel because she doesn’t have all of the same information that you have.
You could even say to your mom. ‘Look, I don’t want to be really specific and I don’t want to repeat the hateful things I’ve heard but I won’t be a bridesmaid for anyone who has ever said nasty things about my mother.’
And let that sink in. Nobody is entitled to have you as their bridesmaid and if you think it’s an unhealthy toxic relationship, that’s even more reason to not want to be part of the wedding party to support the joining of these 2 people.
They should consider themselves lucky if you even attend this wedding, honestly.” jammy913
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Why on earth are you chasing suffering? You lived with her, saw how she is, and you are wondering if you want to be a part of the Bridezilla express train heading for a major wreck?
She is making threats, the question is can her butt cover the check her mouth is writing?
So this is what you do, tell her No. Say that you have made other plans that can not be changed, and have no real way to accommodate both, and since you made these plans long in advance, they take precedence.
Then go and get professional help for yourself. You can not change her, and you can not help her or the relationship, but you can change yourself, you can get help and a toolset to deal with her.
If she was that bad, and you were that traumatized that it was toxic and abusive, you could use it, and that is far more important than her wedding.
And it sounds like the biggest reason she wants you there is either to abuse you financially, expecting you to help pay for the wedding and events, or to use you as leverage against your brother, so that way you are no longer involved in that process or apart of the relationship.
And it also removes you from being a scapegoat should anything go wrong and since you are not around, can not use you as an excuse if the relationship between her and your brother falls apart.” JCWa50
1. AITJ For Calling My Stepsister Ugly After She Got Into A Car Accident?
“I (27F) am engaged to T (30M). We met when I was 8 and became BFFs, but lost contact when I moved in with dad, stepmom (SM), and stepsis V (29F) when I was 15.
4 years ago, we found one another again and discovered we’d each had feelings for the other but were too afraid to say anything. I was afraid of ruining our friendship. T had insecurities about his appearance and believed I deserved better. T had an accident that caused injuries to his face, neck, and shoulder. Between surgeries and the accident, he has scarring and a f****l prosthetic.
He’s struggled with self-image due to other people’s perception of him and it took a lot to convince him that I do find him handsome.
V and SM are obsessed with appearance and judgmental of anyone who doesn’t fit their beauty standards. I won’t go in public with them because they berate strangers. My dad knew T, but I was hesitant to introduce him to SM and V because I know how they are.
When T proposed, my dad insisted we visit for a celebration dinner so T could meet them. I warned T in advance and told him we didn’t have to go but didn’t want to disappoint Dad.
At one point, SM asked if we were planning to have a photographer at our wedding and if we’d thought about a date closer to Halloween because ‘We could all wear masks!
Wouldn’t that be fun?’ Cue SM and V giggling. I was annoyed and T was uncomfortable. Then, V turned to T and asked, ‘Seriously. What happened to your face? It looks like someone set it on fire and tried to put it out with a hatchet.’
I lost my mind. T had to carry me from the house because I would’ve hurt her.
T told me to relax and that it was fine. It wasn’t. You don’t insult the person I care about, who has been nothing but cordial, and expect me not to retaliate. Dad blew up my phone trying to apologize. I told him how hurtful they’d been, and how disgusting it was that two adults can degrade another human over something they have no control over.
He told me SM was upset that I’d hurt V and expected me to apologize. I told him that wasn’t happening. 2 weeks later, Dad told me V was in a car accident and ended up with a nasty laceration on her forehead.
This is where I may be the jerk. I went to Dad’s to get some stuff and V was lying on the couch crying on the phone about how her life was over because she was ugly and disfigured and on and on.
I could’ve ignored her but didn’t. I said, ‘Now your outside matches your inside. Next time you feel the need to insult someone’s looks, maybe take a look in the mirror first before you open your mouth.’
V burst into tears. SM came to see what the ruckus was, and I told her that after seeing V’s face, the idea of a Halloween wedding was growing on me.
That didn’t go over well and caused a meltdown at Dad’s house. He’s upset with me for upsetting V during ‘a very vulnerable time’ and SM accused me of lacking empathy. They’re demanding I apologize. I’m refusing. T understands why I did what I did but believes I shouldn’t have kicked V while she was down.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. That comment was awesome, props to you for saying it to her face. I know it may sound bad at first, but you really are helping her, as well as getting much-needed vindication for what she initially did. We often are not aware of certain things we do that are perceived negatively.
This does not excuse those behaviors. V likely was unaware of how truly mean and vicious her personality was, and by teaching her exactly what it felt like, she will likely never make fun of people for their appearance. Her being upset at your comments is good, she now knows what it feels like to be on the receiving end of comments like that.” lockedarmer11
Another User Comments:
“You’re not wrong, but everyone sucks here. Ultimately the best thing is to consistently keep your behavior in line with your beliefs – you know it’s wrong to tear someone down over their appearance. Did she deserve it? Absolutely. But there are ways you could make the same point without doing the same thing she did.
You don’t owe her the kindness but if you’re asking you did choose the jerkish way over the kind way. I think I would have done the same.” User
