People Seek Our Opinion On Their "Am I The Jerk?" Stories
15. AITJ For Giving A Guest An Uber Budget Instead Of Driving Them To The Train Station?
“My BIL (28) came to spend a week with my husband and me.
He came in on Tuesday and left last Monday.
On Sunday, he told us what time his train left and I agreed to take him to the station since my husband had to leave for work prior to him leaving. His train left at 7:00 AM and I told my BIL to be ready to go by 6:45 AM since I too had to be at work that morning.
He said he would be ready and it wouldn’t be a problem.
On Monday morning I wake up early so I can shower and get ready for work and my BIL is just waking up. No big deal, we still have a half-hour before we have to leave. At 6:30 AM I asked him if he will be ready by 6:45 and he said yes. At 6:45 he literally gets into the shower, so I texted my husband and told him that BIL is just now showering and getting ready and that we had to leave so I can go to work.
At 7:00 AM BIL was still in the shower. I texted my husband and said I had to go or else I would be late for work. I got on my Uber app and calculated how much it would cost for him to be taken to the station from our house and left coins, including enough for a tip. I also left a note and apologized that I couldn’t take him but said that the cash was for an Uber.
When my husband found out he flipped. He told me that it was rude to do that and I should have waited. I explained that I had a 45-minute commute to work and if I had waited I would have been late. My husband thinks that I should have just sucked it up and went in late but I disagreed and said that it wasn’t fair to me to have to burn my leave time because his brother couldn’t be bothered to get ready to leave as we agreed.
AITJ for not taking him to the station and leaving uber budget?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your BIL was the rude one in this situation. He should’ve gotten his laziness behind in gear so you could leave at the agreed time. You shouldn’t be penalized for his tardiness and inconsiderate behavior. It’s not like you left him hanging without a way to get there or left it up to him to have to pay for it himself.
IMO you did nothing wrong, and if your husband feels the need to be mad at someone, he should be mad at his brother.” Tamstrong
Another User Comments:
“YTJ – you should have neither given him a ride to the station nor paid for his Uber. If a grown man can’t get out of bed in time you shouldn’t have to worry about him. He can walk to the station.
He’s got plenty of time because he’s missed his train anyway. I go with YTJ as you are enabling this childish behavior. Why leave a note to apologize when he’s the one in the wrong?” JustMMlurkingMM
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but your husband and BIL sure are. ‘Yep, I’ll be ready at 6:45! (gets in the shower)’. Your husband should have your back on this, you told them both flat out that you weren’t willing to be late to work.
Your husband should have been late himself and taken his own brother to the station. They both suck. You did more than enough by leaving him money, he should have paid for it himself!
What really cracks me up is that he was still in the shower when his train was scheduled to leave!” D***********5
14. AITJ For Refusing To Let My Husband Eat Dinner With Me And The Kids?
“This might sound silly but my husband loves food, not gaming not YouTube, he’s weakness is f.o.o.d.
I don’t hold this against him in any way but he eats a lot (he’s fit and regularly attends the gym) and sometimes I find myself cooking a bigger portion of food because he’d attempt to eat from our daughter’s plates leaving them still hungry. We always run out of snacks as well so there are times when I have to cook twice a day.
Yesterday at 4 p.m. I was out with the girls to get new haircuts. I already prepared dinner and left it in the fridge till we get back. I told my husband that I’ve put his portion aside for when he got back from the gym so he could go ahead and eat if the girls and I were going to be late. I called him at the salon and he said he got home and had his dinner and was doing some work in his office.
At 8 p.m. the girls and I returned home and I quickly went into the kitchen to reheat dinner because we were so hungry. I opened the fridge and the food I prepared was gone. I asked him and he said he felt hungry after eating early and eating our dinner. I was angry, kept thinking about what we were going to eat. I kept looking for other options and when I asked about other foods he kept shaking his head saying we already ran out of this and ran out of that.
I bluntly said he was selfish to eat the girl’s dinner. He said he couldn’t help it, he’s always hungry.
I went to order food from the restaurant for just me and the girls. When our order arrived, I called the girls and sat to eat. A few minutes later he walked out of the office and was upset that we didn’t call him to join us for dinner.
I told him he already had dinner not once but twice and that I did not include him in our order since he’s already eaten. He lashed out saying that I was doing this deliberately ordering food from his favorite restaurant (pretty much all restaurants are his favorite) and excluding him from dinner AND teaching the girls to treat him as he was unwanted at the dinner table.
I called him selfish, this dinner was for me and the girls since he had already eaten our previous dinner that I spent time making. He admitted he was wrong to eat our dinner and said he felt bad afterward but said it was totally worth it.
There’s no doctor, therapist, or pastor that could help him out with this ‘problem’ he’s just a man who loves food.
But I was behaving passive-aggressive towards him and implying that him licking food is a problem which is incorrect. We argued for minutes then he went back into the office saying I should feel bad for excluding him from our meal. Needless to say he hasn’t spoken to me ever since and keeps teasing the girls about no longer sharing his snacks with them since they were okay with ME excluding him from dinner.
AITJ here?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ for letting him do this to your children. I never got enough to eat growing up because my mom was morbidly obese and ate enough for 3 adults leaving a smaller amount of food for 3 children to share. I used to steal food as a child and eat extremely fast causing digestion issues. As an adult, I binge eat. I’m getting better at controlling myself but am still always hungry.
Despite all my issues with food I still will 100% go hungry to ensure my child gets enough to eat. Your daughters will most likely develop eating disorders. If they tell teachers they are hungry because their dad is eating their food cps will be called because it is literally abuse.
Get your kids out. He obviously doesn’t give half a darn about them or you.
Food insecurity is so incredibly damaging for a child. Do your job as a mother and protect your children from his abuse.” User
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
If he has eaten his food, and your food, and the kid’s food, and is still hungry, he is capable of ordering more food for himself and not expecting you to provide a second meal.
In fact, if he eats all his food and all the extra on the table, and is still hungry, he is capable of going and making himself a sandwich rather than starting in on other people’s plates.
I agree with others that he needs a full physical, as being this hungry is not normal, and maybe a symptom of something wrong, especially if he isn’t gaining weight.
In addition, if he is on any kind of medication, check to see if the medication can increase hunger. Steroids such as prednisone, for example, can leave one very hungry all the time. If he needs medication that causes hunger, you’ll want to have a lot of bulky, low-calorie foods to let him snack as needed, such as fresh fruit, low-fat cottage cheese, or even roast a skinless turkey breast for him to make sandwiches on light bread or sandwich thin rolls, with low-calorie condiments such as mustard rather than rich mayo.
But no matter the cause, he should be responsible for prepping any food he needs beyond an ordinary meal. My suggestions in the previous paragraph are for things to add to the grocery list, not things that you should be expected to make and serve on demand.” Jazzlike_Humor3340
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here except the kids.
This is more than just the food.
Re-read what you just wrote. Your husband is eating off your child’s plate… and you haven’t done anything about it except enable it to continue. He ate everybody else’s food… and then did not give a darn about how you and the kids would eat, as if it was your problem to deal with. Do you seriously want this to continue?
My friend’s Dad was like this.
I once bought my friend a beautiful box of chocolates because she’d finally got her appetite back after a bad illness. She didn’t get to eat any. Her Dad saw the box whilst he was left alone for 20 minutes, and he ate the whole d**n box. They were in the kitchen where she’d left them with other presents she’d received. She was annoyed but shrugged it off.
I was annoyed, those were not for him. I did not spend £20 on him. Do you want your daughters to have to hide their food if they want to enjoy them? Do you want them to have to eat their food quickly so that he does not take it from their plate as they are eating? Do you want them to have digestive problems and eating disorders because of this?
Because that’s where it’s going.
Do you want to alienate them from their friends because when my friend said that once her school friends realized she never got to eat the sweets she was given at Christmas, they stopped giving her anything that could be eaten, because they weren’t buying them for her Dad? You need to protect your children and you need to pick yourself up and say enough is enough.” User
You may compromise for his overactive metabolism by cooking for 5 instead of 4. Not the best solution, but you did sort of indicate he is basically fit. If anything is left over, that could serve as a snack for him. Or, even add an extra side that is a veggie at meals. Don't specifically cater to him as much as acknowledge his need for more food. It literally could be an overactive metabolism. He sounds like an spoiled a*s in how he handles it, though.
13. AITJ For Wanting My Husband To Help With Our Baby During Weekends?
“My (21F) husband (26M) works 5 days a week for 10 hours a day with a 30 min. break. He is a manager at a restaurant and easily gets overwhelmed and burnt out from the work he has to do, and sometimes has to skip his breaks and work over 12 hours due to low staff.
I’m currently a stay-at-home mom with a 5-month-old, and still am adjusting to mom-hood and only occasionally go out to see my mom for help if needed.
For the most part, I do everything myself. I change his diapers, put him down for naps, make his bottles, etc. all day and he is all around a good baby, it just can be tiring. My husband gets off work at 4:30 pm and when he gets home he is exhausted and unwinds by playing video games, but he plays all day until he goes to bed at 9:30 pm.
He will occasionally help me make a bottle, or change a diaper here and there, but mostly plays his games and then complains about how tired he is and then goes to bed. I try and understand that he is working and providing for us, and has to wake up every morning at 4 am to shower and get ready, so I am the one that takes care of our baby in the middle of the night as well.
Today I asked if he was willing to make a compromise and help me more on his days off, Saturdays and Sundays. I asked if he could practice changing diapers, feeding him, putting him down for naps, because since I do it more often, our baby has a hard time letting him put him down for naps and he just gives up and has me do it.
He basically refused and said it wasn’t fair since he is the parent that works and is exhausted from his job, while I get to stay home and be with the baby all day. We talked and he basically told me that we could take turns changing his diapers and making bottles, but won’t necessarily do it more than me, and says that if he needs help with putting him down for naps then I need to step in and put him down for naps.
I got upset with him and told him it wasn’t fair that I have to basically take care of our son more than he does, and he got mad at me for me thinking he doesn’t help at all.
AITJ?
EDIT: I forgot to mention that I clean our house as well and he rarely helps me clean unless our baby is sleeping and we both clean together.
I take care of our son, clean the house, do laundry, etc. while he works so I’m also pretty exhausted by the time he gets home.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Once he is home from work he is a father and husband and needs to be part of the household responsibilities as both. You don’t have to be primarily responsible 24×7 which is what he seems to expect.
One thing I recommend is having him get more involved and making sure to leave him alone with the baby, especially during naptime and/or bedtime. If you are there it is too easy to give up and have you do it. It is also hard for you to not criticize if he doesn’t do it exactly the way you would do. The longer you put off husband and baby being alone regularly the harder it gets and the more you get cemented into the role of The Only One Who Can Deal With Baby.
My kid is 1.5 years old now and though the toddler definitely prefers me when going to sleep or sick, I can leave the toddler with my husband when I need to, and even if the toddler goes to sleep later than is ideal and my husband does activities to fill in the time that I don’t love, it is not unsafe and they have a deep and good relationship and bond.
This past weekend I made my husband pack for the toddler when we went for a short overnight trip as a few weeks ago. I had to pack myself, toddler and all the food up, and my husband only packed himself and ranted and moaned about how long it took me to finish packing (when he had decided last minute we should do the trip so it wasn’t like I knew about it a week in advance!) and about any little thing I didn’t think to bring.
When he only brought 2 outfits and one of the pants he brought didn’t really fit and by wonderful (not) luck the toddler had a stomach problem so we were out of clothes before we left to go home (toddler got to wear pants that were food-stained and we did have enough shirts but there was no clean onesie left!), I got to be the complaining one this time and my husband learned some lessons (baby was safe, we were only a short drive from home and it would have been just fine having only wearing a diaper on the short (20 min) car ride home in the absolute worst case!).
The only way to learn is to do it…
Also, my husband likes to tell people he is ‘babysitting’ sometimes when they call him and hear the toddler in the background. I tell him he is a father and not a babysitter!!! Grrrr.” sbg-sbg
Another User Comments:
“NTJ!!! You’ve explained that it’s hard on you as a new mom to do the impossible job of cleaning, taking care of the baby all night and day, and never being able to go out with friends to have a good time.
You’ve even acknowledged to him that you understand that he is overworked as well but he can’t take into account that you’re working around the clock 24/7 for the child you BOTH have and decided to bring into this world. You’re up at night with the baby, up all day with the baby, as well as cleaning and your husband gets home from a 12-hour day max so sit on his butt and play a video game.
It’s more alarming to me that he doesn’t want to bond with the baby as well as it seems he doesn’t really care to put in the effort. He sucks!!! I’m so sorry. ALSO. if he wants to compare saying ‘you get to stay home with the baby’ working at a restaurant is nothing compared to running around attending to an infant’s needs all while trying to manage your own needs, houses needs, etc.” User
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
Parenting is a 24/7 job. There are no ‘breaks’ or ‘downtime.’ You are working 24 hours/day. He works 10-12 hours/day with 48 hours of off time per week. His financial contribution to the family does not excuse him from his parenting responsibilities. If you were to divorce him, he’d have to pay child support + child care during his visitation. I’d remind him of that when he brings up his job as an excuse to get out of taking care of his child next time.
You could even get a quote for a housekeeper/cook to get your point across. If you were being paid for what you’re doing, you’d be making more than him, easily.” RaisinProfessional27
The baby is his as well as yours and the responsibility of looking after them belongs to you both.
Might be time for you to simply grab your handbag and go out on a Saturday afternoon, leaving him to it. Go get a massage, have your nails done, have coffee with friends. Then maybe he might gain an appreciation of the fact that you actually work d****d hard, and that he is being an entitled a**e.
12. AITJ For Offering Only $35,000 For My Daughter's Wedding?
“My wife (65F) and I (65M) are retired and financially comfortable. Our older daughter (f31) and her fiance (m32) live together at a high cost of living in the city. They recently got engaged and are planning a wedding for between 80-100 people to take place in about 18 months. Only about 15 will be from our family.
We have given my daughter a check for $35,000 to help pay for the wedding.
She believes we should pay for the entire wedding, around $70,000. We have given our daughter approximately $300,000 since graduating from college for living expenses and continue to give her $20,000 annually. We intend to continue to give her this money after marrying. We pointed out if she saved the money we give her between now and the wedding it would total another $30,000. She states she felt the annual budget was for her personal use and shouldn’t have to be used for the wedding.
Also, she and her fiance make about $220,000 combined. AITJ for not paying for the whole wedding when we can afford to pay?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
The tradition of the bride’s parents paying for the wedding presupposes a young girl, still living at home/under her parents’ protection, without resources of her own, and not a grown woman already living with the groom.
In that scenario, the parents host the wedding and make decisions about the venue, guest list, style, and budget and I somehow suspect that your daughter wouldn’t be open to your planning the wedding with only moderate input from her.
In addition to your absurdly generous annual stipend, your contribution to the wedding expenses is more than adequate.
Even in today’s housing market, 35 grand is a respectable down payment on a single-family home or a unit in a decent building.
Your only failure here, and it is a doozy, is that your daughter has no sense of proportion or restraint when it comes to finances.
Now is as good a time as any to try to teach her about choices and priorities.” rapt2right
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here. Your 31-year-old daughter shouldn’t be needing an ‘allowance’ anymore, and continuing to support her and her fiance’s chosen lifestyle will not encourage her to stand on her own two feet. They need to learn to live within their means, especially since they’ll soon be a married couple.
You may feel like you’re helping them by giving them all this money, but what you’ve really done is prolonged your daughter’s emotional immaturity and dependence on you. That’s why she’s not grateful for the very generous $35K and is instead stamping her feet demanding more. Thus, my vote is ‘everyone sucks here’ instead of N T J, because you’ve been enablers and have created this problem for yourselves.” AccessibleBeige
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here, put a stop payment on the check if it’s not too late and stop opening your wallet to your entitled, self-absorbed daughter. She is a grown-ass adult. You say she and her fiance make six figures. So she is clearly self-sufficient and yet, she’s determined to milk you dry… Because you have clearly enabled this behavior.
You have given her HUNDREDS of thousands of dollars to live on, you say you intend to continue giving her allowance after she gets married, but suddenly you’re baffled because she’s demanding more for her wedding???
You can either cave to her demands or cut her ungrateful butt off and force her to start fending for herself. If she wants nice things, she needs to work for them, like I’m presuming you did.” itvisvobiscum001
Another User Comments:
“YTJ for financially enabling her for far too long, so you’ve created this attitude in her when it comes to finances. She’s 31yrs old and as you’ve said between her and her fiancée they make around the $220,000 combined and she’s now demanding that you pay the entire $70,000 wedding bill, and you’ll still be giving her $20,000 yearly.
She’s learned that she’s entitled to your money.
Time for her to learn to stand on her own two feet and cut the bank of mum and dad off. If she wants a $70,000 wedding then between her and her fiancée they can come up with the other $35,000 and if she doesn’t like it too bad. Her wedding, her wants, her responsibility.
You’re now reaping what you’ve sown.” G8RTOAD
11. AITJ For Changing My Netflix Password?
“I (17f) have an active Netflix subscription that I decided to share with my friends and also have them pay their parts of the payment but eventually I ended up paying for them cause some of them couldn’t afford it. Anyways one of my friends ‘Rose’ has this cousin who is also of the same age let’s call her ‘Plum’. So Plum hates me cause her current bf had a crush on me way before they were together, She has shown open hate towards me and would talk trash about me to rose.
So one day, Rose texted me saying how her cousin wanted to watch her favorite series and if I was okay with giving her the password. I was okay as long as she used Rose’s screen so I said yes without thinking much about it. For a few days, I didn’t use my account because I was busy with school work and on the weekend, I decided to watch something.
I noticed that Plum has created her own screen. I was obviously annoyed but thought of making her pay her part and went off to watch my movie but the screen limit was full. I decided to call Rose and confront her about this but she said I was overreacting and told me to adjust my watch time so that it won’t interfere with theirs.
I told her that I am not the one to adjust here as I am the one who’s paying the majority as none of them pays their equal parts. She said I was being a spoiled brat and how everything is easy for me and how broke people suffer every day and I should be thankful rather than complaining about a petty issue.
I hung up on her and decided to change my Netflix password and after that, they tried texting me but I ignored it.
Almost after a week, my mom texted me saying I should stop acting like a brat and ruin friendships and give back my password to my friends. Apparently, they called my mom and told her a completely different story of how I have issues with Plum and I’m being jealous of her getting close with my friends. They told my mom I bragged about paying their parts and being in a financially stable position and how they should be thankful to me and act as I say.
Anyways I told my mom what actually happened and she wasn’t mad anymore. But she said that I was overreacting and I should apologize to them as I may have hurt their feelings.
So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
They wanna complain about you being entitled because you’re not poor? I don’t think a Netflix account makes you rich… or being forced off YOUR OWN PAID FOR Netflix account makes you entitled. You hurt their feelings so what?
They wanna mooch off you then complain when things don’t go their way and LIE to your mother about it like you’re in middle school or something. Crazy. Pls get new friends some of the ones you have arent it. Your mother has no say if it’s your account and mostly your money your using to pay it with.
Your supposed friend’s logic just doesn’t exist and I think Rose isn’t actually your friend, likely more loyal to her cousin plum from what you said.
It’s the ‘little’ things like these that are red flags to the beginning of bullying and stuff.” PiccoloLongjumping70
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
These aren’t friends of yours, they’re scums who leeches off on you. Your mother needs more awakening since she clearly still doesn’t get you’re the victim here and is not overreacting.
You did the absolutely right thing to kick them off your account since they overstepped their boundaries and try to push you off using your own account whenever you want to.
Being broke doesn’t give you the right to sponge off others and overstep, so much for telling you to be thankful when they aren’t thankful at all to you.” denasher
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. And tell your mother that apologies are in order if you did something wrong, and you feel remorse for it, and want to make it right. A simply ‘sorry’ when bumping into someone where it’s not clear you’re the offender is also OK, but proper apologies should be saved for when you actually did something that is not just dislikeable, but something you regret.
If you apologize because you’ve hurt their feelings, they think it’s normal that some outside source is to blame and take responsibility, for their hurt feelings. That is not the case. Hurt feelings are a ‘Them’ problem. Being wronged (by you) is a ‘You’ problem, but the hurt feelings directly caused by it are still a ‘Them’ problem. Since you believe you didn’t wrong them (and for the internet reader with only your story to go on, no way to check whether that’s true), you don’t owe them an apology.” Mercator1234
10. AITJ For Not Wanting My Friend To Give My Address To The Guy She Met Online?
“My friend has developed a new addiction to talking to guys online. I’m saying addiction because it’s a bad dude.
She’s talking to like 20 guys online at the same time and it is so exhausting. I have to admit she’s actually met some guys that seem pretty cool. She met up with one online guy (it was in a public place and I was with her for protection) and he seemed pretty nice and I was happy for her because I thought the online thing would finally stop.
Wrong! She talks to so many guys because she gets bored extremely easily and it is extremely annoying to keep up with everyone she’s talking to.
But at the end of the day she’s a grown woman she’s not stupid and I know she’s not going to listen to me anyway so I just let her do her thing.
But today she asked me if she could send my address to a new guy she’s talking to.
Because apparently, he wants to buy her a gift. She can’t send him hers because she lives with her stepdad and he’ll find out she’s been talking to guys online. I said no. I am not giving a random person on the internet my address. And she literally said ‘it’s only a one-time thing’ ‘I’ve known him for two months it’s okay’ and I still said no and now she’s mad at me.
I told her she could open a P.O. Box but she says she can’t. I don’t know why. I’m pretty sure she can but she’s just too lazy. So am I the jerk for not wanting my friend to give out my address so she could get a gift from her new ‘man’?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ at all: This screams ‘You take the risk, I take the reward’, this is potentially dangerous.
Not only do you not know this guy but it sounds like you don’t trust a friend’s judgment either (no blame here, talking to 20 plus strangers is nuts). Don’t do this, you deserve a better friend” randomirlperson
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, at all. She’s not risking anything by you putting your address out there, but you are, you don’t know this guy, you don’t know his intentions, sure he could send the gift, then what?
He still has your address, what if she angers him? He has your address and you know her so there’s a scenario that could go wrong really quickly.
It’s your address, not hers, she can be mad all she wants.” thsgrygntlmn
9. AITJ For Refusing To Exchange Seats With The Newly Weds?
“I booked a window seat and beside me was a lady who is the wife of the guy on the seat in the middle row. Apparently, they are newlyweds and they want to be seated together. They asked me if they can change seats with me to which I politely refused and gave them my reasons. One of the reasons was my size and aisle traffic.
I always get bumped by someone when I am on the aisle seat.
One time, my elbow was badly hurt because the trolley hit me. I avoided the aisle seat ever since. Also, being the second and the longest of the 3 flights I was taking that day, I wanted to sleep and relax. The other guy who is seated with the husband tried to persuade me to change seats too making a scene as if I was the scrooge in the couple’s honeymoon.
I didn’t budge and all the people around me, including the crew, looked like they hated me.
Am I wrong to refuse to change my seat? IMO, if it is your honeymoon, I would assume that you made your reservations in advance, why in the world didn’t you book seats where you will be seated together in advance instead of bothering other passengers? Should other passengers adjust because it is your honeymoon?
When I had my honeymoon, I pre-booked my seats and never bothered anyone. So what do you think?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. I know it’s a hot take and many will disagree with me, and you had every right to decline since you booked that seat in advance, but these were newlyweds on their honeymoon for crying out loud. Maybe they were too busy with all the craziness around a wedding to plan ahead enough to reserve seats together.
You could have done something that would have made such a positive impact on them during such a special time in their lives, and they likely would have remembered you and your kindness for the rest of their lives/marriage. It would have been a very minor inconvenience for you. Very selfish of you IMHO.” mistaNUMBthumbs
Another User Comments:
“Not the jerk. You paid for it, you scored it, it’s yours.
They wanted to sit next to each other, they can purchase side-by-side seats. If they fly Southwest, that’s always a possibility they won’t be seated next to each other. In my mind, you don’t even need to explain your reasons why. I have to have a window seat or I risk getting travel sickness. I book Southwest, check-in at the soonest moment and that ensures I get a window seat, tho sometimes it’s towards the rear of the plane.
One time, the kid behind me reached ahead and closed my window. Sorry, kid, you might want to sleep, but I’m not gonna puke. I raised the window back up. He tried again, I held it open and he gave up. My seat, my window, I paid for it, I checked in ASAP, I earned it.
Bravo to you for standing your ground, you make it easier for the rest of us in the future.
Bravo to you for standing up to the peer pressure as well.” justmeMcghee23
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. That’s a crappy situation for everyone. It’s very possible they booked their seats together and something got messed up, that happens all the time. I generally would trade seats on the plane for this kind of thing, but I am very very small and can sleep basically anywhere.
So it’s a little easier for me to be flexible.” Kek238
8. AITJ For Letting My Daughter Wear An Expensive Dress At My Sister's House?
“I, my husband, and our 15-year-old daughter Georgia went to my sister’s place for lunch this weekend.
Georgia is very bright. She completed her exams early and is now studying more advanced material. She’s a big fashionista, a lot more than I was at that age. She loves pretty clothes and outfits, and we’re happy to get her as much as we can, provided she behaves well and keeps up the good grades.
The lunch with my sister was fairly casual, but Georgia wore her new pink dress.
My sister isn’t as well off as we are, unfortunately. She is raising three children on her own and her job isn’t a high-paying one. In the past, she asked me if Georgia could ‘tone down’ her outfits when we come to visit because she doesn’t want her kids being upset because they can’t afford things like that.
I do get my sister’s point but it’s not down to me to police what Georgia wears. I have spoken to Georgia about it but I left the final decision to her.
Anyway so we went for lunch, and Georgia ended up getting into an argument when my sister’s 13-year-old, Lucy, asked about the dress and where it was from. Georgia answered that it didn’t matter because Lucy couldn’t afford it anyway.
We told Georgia to shut up as soon as the comment left her lips, but it soon ended up with Georgia and Lucy screaming at each other.
My sister made the kids vanilla milkshakes, and Lucy decided to throw hers all over Georgia, ruining the dress. Georgia burst into tears and to be fair my sister did bring her a change of clothes. I said that if the dress was permanently ruined, I wanted my sister to reimburse us.
My sister has refused and said that it was ‘our responsibility’ because my daughter wore an expensive dress despite being warned not to.
That dress cost a couple of hundred and washing it has failed to completely remove the stains. Frankly, I don’t care about my sister’s warnings. We can’t make Georgia wear what she doesn’t want to, and it’s not our problem that she can’t control her child and stop her from ruining a beautiful dress.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Yes, it is your job to police what your child wears when it’s directly related to her bad behavior. Your daughter wore an expensive dress to your sister’s house because she wanted to rub it in her cousin’s face. She used it as a prop to be hateful and snotty. That is the person that you have raised this child to be.
Your sister has asked you to stop this and you have done nothing. Did you never question why your daughter continued to choose to wear her most expensive clothing to visit her cousins when she knew it made them feel bad? Well, now you know that it’s because your daughter enjoys making them feel bad.
Should her cousin be in trouble for throwing a milkshake on her?
Sure, because that’s not the appropriate way to handle a bully. But you raised your child to be a bully and did nothing about it, and now you’ve learned a $200 lesson about what happens when you don’t parent a child and allow her to behave like a spoiled brat. Instead of demanding money from your sister because of her kid’s reaction to your child’s bullying, maybe focus on being a better parent and putting a stop to the bullying.” SnakesCantWearPants
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here.
The girls are young, your daughter said a snotty thing and it started a shouting match. It’s childish, but they’re children.
You and your sister tried to calm it down, and her daughter escalated a serious verbal issue into a physical one, with expensive damage.
My ex can lie to me all she wants, it doesn’t mean I won’t be responsible for damages if I key her car.
Your daughter needs to learn, and I expect she has, that human beings can lash out when they’re treated badly, and your niece needs to learn that someone being a jerk doesn’t give you the right to assault them or damage their stuff.
You say you can’t make your daughter wear something she doesn’t want to, and you’re right, you can’t.
What you can do though is talk about being a decent human being.
People’s financial situations differ, and it isn’t kind to dramatically overdress just because you can when the people around you cannot afford to do so and it’s not necessary. People get uncomfortable and self-conscious and sometimes jealous when you do that, and if you are so up your own a*s about being technically right that you want to do it anyway, you will have zero friends if you then decide to be snotty about what you have and they don’t on top of it.
But she’s still learning that balance, and you have a responsibility not to make your sister and her kids uncomfortable in their own home. So you can have the conversation with your daughter, and if she doesn’t want to dress appropriately for where you’re going, she can stay home.
Your sister needs to learn that once two people are screaming at each other, there’s no real high ground most of the time.
And her daughter is going to have a hard life if she responds to every snotty person who has something she doesn’t by destroying their stuff and thinking it’s fine.
You can still be wrong to a jerk. You can still have to apologize to a jerk. You can still go to jail for giving a jerk what you think you deserve. Your sister will not do her daughter any service by letting her think this kind of thing is fine.
It builds on existing resentment and will begin a lifelong cycle of unfairness and jealousy and trouble.
Your daughter will grow up into one of those girls whose designer dresses are real and whose friends are super fake. She’ll think they’re her friends until something falls apart and they won’t be there, and she’ll have alienated everyone else.
You did tell her to shut up, and people are commenting on that saying she has just picked up your attitude about your sister and hasn’t learned to be subtle.
Maybe that’s the case. Maybe you guys worked hard for everything you have and genuinely were shocked that your daughter would behave like this. Either way, the adults handled this bad start to finish, and the children were snotty and jealous and petulant.
Here’s my suggestion: the niece has to pay your daughter back for the dress. Your daughter can’t buy another dress with it.
She needs to find a use for that moolah that does something kind for someone else. Truly kind, and helpful.
Her behavior I don’t think comes from being a bad person, just a sheltered and as a result entitled and selfish one. So rather than punishing her, and I’d make it clear it isn’t punishment, that you love her and realize there are ways you’ve failed her here, find her some way to volunteer.
Free tutoring for kids who are struggling, for example.
And going forward, I’d indulge her love of expensive fashion when her behavior and her grades line up, not just the grades.
I’m a smart person who used to be a jerk. I had a brain injury. I’ve recovered, but the way people treated me while I was recovering, and the financial impact rehab and treatment had on me were extreme.
It changed the way I saw people and life and how we treat each other.
You all suck here, for different reasons, but you all can fix it.” LexChase
Another User Comments:
“I really wanna say NTJ since that was a completely spiteful act your niece did. And I know her hope was in fact to ruin the dress.
But I grew up rather poor as well.
And despite that, friends who were better off never said anything as rude to me as what your daughter said to your niece. Let it sink in that people, not of my b***d who was way richer than me, never once made me feel so poor and inadequate as your daughter probably made her cousin feel in that moment.
Also whilst I do not approve of policing your child’s clothing once they hit a certain age (unless the outfit is absolutely completely inappropriate for their age of course) you can make your daughter tone down how much designer or fancy stuff she wears when around her cousins.
My mother does this with me when I try and wear my more alt stuff around my religious grandmother. And I’m an adult. Your daughter obviously, is completely ignorant in the fact that her cousins probably feel like absolute garbage every time she rubs her fancy clothing in their faces. Because depending on their ages, they probably know that they’re poorer than you.
I’m sorry you’re possibly out hundreds of dollars but your daughter’s words are a direct reflection of your parenting.
You need to explain to her why what she said was wrong instead of defending her. Yes, your niece shouldn’t have poured the milkshake on your daughter but she’s 13, a 13-year-old is gonna be spiteful like that because I was like that when I was young too. But your daughter needs to see that sometimes the things you say or do are going to have consequences and she’s probably going to hate them.
But having unwavering support for crappy decisions is going to teach her it’s okay if I treat people poorly forever because ‘My parents will always support me no matter what! So even if 100 people say I’m wrong, I can’t be that wrong because my parents say I’m not wrong!’
If you want to teach your daughter a lesson, every time she flaunts her expensive (and let’s be honest most fancy clothing is disgustingly overpriced) clothes in her cousin’s faces, she loses the ability to get another outfit, and instead you’ll buy your nieces/nephews something nice instead because that’s your daughter intentionally being a jerk to them.
Also, you put a dress that cost several hundred dollars in your washing machine? Why didn’t you take it to the dry cleaners? They probably would have gotten more out, if not the entire stain. It’s set in now, I don’t think they can fix that.
Anyway, YTJ, majorly.” JinxTheEdgyB
Shame on you. You were supposed to raise her up to be a productive member of society. She can have all the grades and pretty clothes she wants, but that can't cover ugly on the inside.
7. AITJ For Telling My Local Bookstore That Amazon Is Way Cheaper?
“I’m a huge fan of the ‘Sandman’ series by Neil Gaiman. Lately, I’ve been looking around for the Absolute Editions, which are essentially the nicest, most expensive versions of certain graphic novels or comics.
My local comic shop had all five volumes in stock priced at $125 a piece, so, had I bought all of them, it would have been $600 plus tax.
While I was browsing I looked up the price on Amazon, and they’re going for $72 a piece, so, $360 plus tax for the entire lot.
Meanwhile, the owner of the shop came over to me and asked if I needed help with anything.
I said no but went on to explain my interest in the Sandman Absolute Editions.
Then he got kind of pushy and kept dropping hints that he wanted me to buy them (likely since they’re so expensive and so marked up). I’ve bought more expensive comics from this store on numerous occasions and so the pushiness kind of got under my skin.
I told him that I love the books but that I can’t justify buying them from here, like a lot of other products of theirs, since they were nearly twice as expensive as Amazon.
He seemed pretty offended and went on to tell me, condescendingly, that ‘you know I’m running a local business right? What did you expect? We can’t sell things at the same price as Amazon,’ and walked off in a huff.
It wasn’t that big of a deal but he clearly wasn’t happy that I brought up the price difference. I’m feeling weird about it because I’ve been a regular at this place for years.”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. This is controversial apparently but. It’s not your job to spend an extra $300 for something that brings you joy. I’m extremely anti-Amazon for the reasons your comic book owner stated but 1. I’m in a place financially where I can do that and 2. Amazon owns a million and one things and I’ll never be able to completely avoid it. Oh and 3.
It’s impossible to cut every single evil corporation out of our lives so we shouldn’t shame people who make exceptions here and there. On the other hand, it must be incredibly hard to run a small business in late-stage capitalism, and he probably hears this a lot. It’s only natural that he’s frustrated to hear it from a regular. It’s a cramps situation but neither of you is at fault or are invalid in how you feel.” gaybrokeandtired
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. They aren’t marked up, that’s the retail price. He is trying to survive in a small business. He has to pay for employees, rent, utilities, taxes, a million things. He doesn’t do large volume business. This is why he can’t slash prices as a huge global corporation can. Considering that you have been a regular there for years, it seems that maybe you can appreciate the value that his store brings to your community?
Thus, maybe you could imagine paying the retail price (instead of a huge markdown) for comics there, to make it possible for a small business like that to exist and allow you to browse comics and talk to other comics fans, and so on.
Merely observing that Amazon is cheaper with no understanding of why is not helpful. That doesn’t mean you have to buy these books.
A polite way to get out of the purchase might be ‘I have to think about it,’ ‘I don’t know if I can afford it,’ etc. But he barely put any pressure on you, you had no reason to be annoyed with him.” MargotLannington
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. The MSRP is $99.99 anyway. If you’re going to be buying the whole set anyways, then swinging the price around makes sense.
It’s a huge difference in price for the consumer anyways. I wouldn’t be able to justify that price difference. All these keyboard warriors wouldn’t be able to justify spending $$$ just for a business that is likely to flop anyways in the next decade to be replaced with a different comic store.” lmmyers12
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here. Kind of tactless all around. You’re not wrong but it would’ve been politer to keep the specific thought to yourself, and he can’t expect you to spend that much additional money just to support his business.” InterwebHero20
They offer all sorts of things that Amazon doesn't. Face to face service. Someone who will get to know you and suggest books you might like. The ability to get your book RIGHT NOW.
Try telling your local artisinal baker that cookies are cheaper at Starbucks. Or telling your local restaurant that burgers are cheaper at McD's. You wouldn't, would you? Or tell the artist at a gallery that you could just buy a poster from IKEA instead of their painting.
It's fine to say "Sorry, but this is maybe out of my price range I will need to think about it".
6. AITJ For Telling My Friend To Leave My House After 5 Days?
“We became friends in college but I knew he was interested in me romantically. I’d always insisted on just being friends because I wasn’t attracted to him. After college, we parted ways, but 6 months ago I reached out to him to wish him a happy birthday and we then exchanged a few texts.
He then asked me if he could visit my home city (think DC) during Memorial Day weekend, where I live alone in my parents’ house.
I reluctantly agreed because I was lonely (I’ve been working from home for 1+ years) and I’d previously hosted another guy friend two years ago and had a great time. This guy was also an attorney but he has been unemployed for a year (he rage quit) and is still living at home- even so, I assumed he’d have the funds to travel.
His plane ticket was only $50 and he said when I picked him up at the airport that he’d bought a one-way ticket. That made me uneasy because I’d assumed he’d be here for just Memorial Day weekend. I insisted that he leave the weekend after Memorial Day at the absolute latest, but he said he wanted to keep his options open and would book a flight later.
I wanted him to leave after Memorial Day weekend was over because I have a busy job. He wanted to stay longer because the plane ride was 2 hours each way (aka a long one).
I became more uncomfortable after he hugged me and squeezed my butt the first night. He went a little too far. I locked my bedroom door every night. One of my friends staged an intervention after I told her that he wouldn’t pay for anything such as museum tickets, ate my food/drank most of my booze (drinking my $50 wine without offering to buy wine when we were at the grocery store), and wouldn’t confirm when he was leaving.
I’d bought him Starbucks coffee the first morning he was here, and he didn’t even offer to pay for mine two days later.
After I told him he had to leave, he sobbed and called me ‘terrible’ for making him buy an overpriced return plane ticket ($100) for the next day. He said I misled him by influencing him to think I wanted to be his girl and that he came all the way to visit me (and I live near DC where there’s a lot to do) and not to see landmarks.
I still woke up at 5 am to drop him off at the airport because he said he’d prefer to not pay $25 for an Uber. AITJ here for agreeing to let him come in the first place? He’s been unemployed for almost a year and was making six figures before, so I assumed that he’d be a good visitor.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ at all.
If anything, you were far too accommodating. I’d have booted him after the butt-grabbing situation, personally.
Regardless, you were more than accommodating. He visited under false pretenses. He asked for the weekend but then changed it to a week. After that, he still wanted longer. He essentially attempted to trap you into, IDK, a relationship? He was counting on you being too nice to say no. Thank goodness your friend gave you that ‘intervention.’
I encourage you to work on your being the type of person who says ‘no’ and means it. If it makes you uncomfortable, do NOT put up with it even if it might inconvenience or upset someone. ESPECIALLY in your own home. I say this with love, OP, but if you don’t learn to stop being so accommodating to others at your own expense, it will cost you business opportunities, promotions raises, etc. It is also the type of thing that leads to people finding themselves in abusive relationships and not knowing how to escape.
I know this can/will happen if you remain this way bc those things happened to me and I’ve seen it happen to many of my female friends (and a few male friends).
Unfortunately, women in society are often raised to be accommodating, meek, and submissive… especially to men. We are taught that our feelings matter AFTER everyone else’s. We are taught it is rude to raise our voice or speak up if it might make others uncomfortable or upset.
It is our job as adults to shed this societal grooming.
You DESERVE to feel comfortable. You DESERVE to be respected. You DESERVE to not be groped period but especially not in your own home. YOU DESERVE BETTER THAN YOU ARE GIVING YOURSELF.
Again, I’m saying this all with the absolute best intentions. I’ve been in your shoes. It is hard to break the habit but, it is so worth it once you do.
Sure, some people will not like it. You might lose a friend or two. You might have a coworker who hates you. You will feel better, though. You will be less anxious. You will feel more empowered. Please, PLEASE take time to work on this. It’s one of the best things you’ll ever do for yourself.” Miss_Hallmark
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
I mean this in the nicest way but good lord do you have to learn how to stand up to yourself.
But here’s the good thing about this horrible experience: you can learn from it.
I do want to warn you that I’m asking a lot of questions (not necessarily for you to answer me but just so you can’t think about them). Depending on how you’re feeling about the whole situation, it could be a little intense.
You say that you reluctantly agreed because you felt lonely.
So here’s my question: why were you reluctant? Someone who’s lonely would probably be excited at the prospect of seeing an old friend. So why weren’t you? You say you insisted on just being friends – did he react badly and get pushy? Was the reluctance because he had made you uncomfortable in the past? If so, you had a gut feeling.
You maybe didn’t consciously realize but you still knew this was a bad idea. You need to listen to this feeling especially when it comes to having people over. Your house is your safe space – only people you are comfortable with are allowed in. The thing about those gut feelings is that you risk very little by following them (if you’re wrong, then you missed out on a fun weekend) and a lot more by not following them, as you experienced. When it comes to your safety, it’s better to be safe than sorry.
Next, he doesn’t get to dictate how long he stays; it is your house and you decide. The people who are pushy are the ones who we need to tell no to the most. A reasonable person will not take offense and will happily accept it if you say they can only stay x days – so setting that boundary isn’t scary. An entitled (or, at worse, predatory) person will get angry – it makes sense to be scared of telling them no. But you need to get those people as far away from you as possible so it’s paramount that you be really strict with them.
Otherwise, you show them that they can slowly claw in and get more and more. At this point, it would have been justified to tell him he couldn’t stay with you. Basic courtesy is to not impose your presence – someone who is not capable of respecting such an obvious boundary should not get access to your house.
Before I talk about how he made you uncomfortable, I just wanted to be clear about the fact I do genuinely mean this with kindness.
I’ve been in situations like these where you feel like such an idiot afterward and I really don’t want to contribute to that feeling. You are the victim in all of this and I absolutely don’t mean to make you feel judged for how you reacted.
The fact that you describe having to lock your door is heart-wrenching. I’m repeating myself here but your house is your safe place.
No one is allowed to make you feel unsafe in your house. You are in control of the place – no one else is. I hope you see that, at this point, the sensible option was to kick him out. But even if you don’t feel comfortable doing so, that doesn’t mean you have to keep yourself in the situation. Call a friend.
Explain what’s going on and ask if they can come to pick you up because you don’t feel safe. It’s not all or nothing. It’s not ‘I have to tell a friend I don’t want him to stay when he was so excited to see me’ or ‘I have to lock my door at night because I feel unsafe’. You have the third option of removing yourself from the situation.
The rest of your post is the same as you give so much to a guy who has actively made you feel unsafe and emotionally manipulated you. And I have to ask, why? And I am genuinely asking. Did you realize it was wrong while it was happening? Did something, in particular, provoke a realization? If so, why not act on it? Was it a fear that you were overreacting?
Is this from an old pattern you developed where you just go with it and hope it works out? Did you ever feel like you had a way to kick him out? And if you didn’t realize and only started really considering it with this post, do you believe it now? Do you feel like we’re overreacting? How would you react if a friend came to you with that story?
All of these answers are the crux of the issue and working on these is going to help you feel secure in asserting your boundaries. The point isn’t that ‘you need to toughen up and grow a spine’. The point is that you need to find the tools that will allow you to feel confident in saying what you want and don’t want.
It’s to not even think about saying anything else than ‘Hey I’ll need you out by X’ because, well, you do.
And until you’ve figured it out, rely on your friends. Tell them about this struggle you have. Ask them for advice. Whenever you get that reluctance you had at his coming over, check in with them and ask them what they think.
You don’t need to figure it out alone.” JustHereToRedditAway
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Now you know you are perfectly in the right to rescind any offers of staying at your place right when your spidey senses start tingling. You did not feel safe in your own home! You are entirely within your rights to kick any man to the curb when he starts creeping you out.
You sound really sweet, but I’m glad you stood your ground. It kinda sounds like he was trying to establish squatters’ rights in your home. I would absolutely cut this guy out of my life, he purposefully misled you, gaslighted you, then pulled a DARVO (Deny, Attack, Reverse Victim, and Offender).
This dude has some serious issues, nobody got time for that. You should not feel bad at all, you should be proud that you were smart and strong enough to disentangle yourself from this deranged man.
He should be ashamed of himself for what he put you through, but he is deranged and will seek out another victim. You may have lost your wine, but you will walk away from this trusting your instincts and acting on them even quicker if ever faced with a manipulative lying moocher loser again.” Ema630
5. AITJ For Not Giving Up My Table To Other Patrons Who Were Asked To Leave?
“There’s a cafe, right next to where I work, that I’ve been going to every day at the same time for about four years. I order the same thing every day, to the point where the waitress runs my order as soon as I walk in the door, she doesn’t even ask. I’m friendly with the staff, I get to hear about what’s going on in their lives, and most importantly to this story, I always sit in the same spot (if it’s available).
The tables range in size and number of seats. The ones in this particular corner have four seats, but really are too small for four people.
Well, yesterday morning I went in to get my bacon and eggs, said hi to the waitress, and took my seat. The inside was busier than usual because it’s winter and it’s really cold outside.
Four ladies then entered after me, placed their orders, and sat down at the four-seater next to me.
Now, these ladies were all a little larger and had ordered food as well as coffee, so the table would not have been a comfortable size for them.
The first lady turned to me and asked quite politely if I could move to another table, as I was alone, so they could push the tables together. Before I could answer, the second lady interjected, demanding the same quite rudely.
I refused, and suggested they could move, as there were several larger tables outside, although again they would have to brave the cold. This second lady became quite demanding, saying I was being selfish, and her friends were obviously embarrassed. She raised her voice to the point the waitress asked them all to leave for ‘hassling the regulars’.
So now I feel torn. On the one hand, this lady was rude, and I was a paying customer who didn’t want to sit outside in the Winter air.
On the other hand, the other ladies weren’t rude, and I was occupying a table they could have used. If I had moved, they could have had their food in peace instead of getting kicked out.
So, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – They came in when it was busy and were seated at a table for 4. Cafes notoriously use little tables. If they didn’t like what they were offered, they could have waited until someone else left. It was never for them to ask to switch with you, though.
They needed to raise it with the cafe staff.
It sounds like a great place, though, if they’ve got such an efficient way of dealing with abusive customers. No one is entitled to abuse others like that.” airazaneo
Another User Comments:
“Unpopular opinion but YTJ. The other ladies seemed to be polite and just wanted to sit down and enjoy a meal, and there must’ve been another smaller table inside you could’ve moved to or up by the counter.
I understand the second lady was rude and obnoxious but you should’ve tried to ignore her, or fight back with kindness, or even just outright tell her she was being rude and you aren’t doing this for her you’re doing this so her friends can have somewhere to eat.” Person31905
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – You didn’t get them kicked out. One of their party got them kicked out for being rude to you first. I get the feeling that before #2 showed herself, you would have acquiesced, a*suming there was another spot open close enough that it wouldn’t get sniped, I might have considered the polite request. But you get what you give.
If you want to be a jerk and demand that I get up simply to accommodate you, I’m gonna plant my a*s as long as I can.” inn0cent-bystander
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here. Honestly, it’s kind of rude for one person to take up a 4 person’s table unless the business is quite empty. It appears this restaurant only had 2 four-person tables, and you were occupying one.
The second lady shouldn’t have been rude, but probably felt you were out of line occupying a 4 person’s table as one person, especially as they clearly needed more space, and you didn’t.
It also appears the restaurant was full. So you were taking up 3 extra seats you didn’t in fact need. Sounds like you are a nice, cool, regular, but literally, even without these ladies, 3 people couldn’t sit inside cause you wanted a bigger table to yourself.
Not cool, op.” stiletto929
4. AITJ For Allowing My Son To Use His College Fund As A Down Payment On A House?
“Our son just graduated college. He was extremely studious in high school and was able to get a full scholarship to the school of his choice.
The college fund we saved for him, therefore, went untouched.
Our daughter is a couple of years older than our son. Despite our best efforts, she was never the greatest student, so while she was able to go to college, she received no scholarship funding. The college fund we saved for her (which actually amounted to a little more than we saved for our son) covered about half her tuition, with loans making up the rest.
Our son did extremely well in college and graduated with a great job. We, therefore, decided to gift him his college fund to use as a down payment on a house (and with the stock market’s gains over the last four years, it’s grown quite a bit since he went off to school).
Our daughter was furious when she found out that our son’s college fund went towards him buying a house.
She said that he’s already way ahead of her in life (since he graduated debt-free with a much better paying job than our daughter’s), and it’s not fair to put him even further ahead. She maintains the ‘fair’ thing to have done is to have put our son’s fund towards paying off her loans.
Both my husband, our son and I think our daughter is being entitled but she told some of our extended family how ‘unfair’ we’re being and they are taking her side.
Are we somehow the unfair ones here?”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here.
Sure, technically, you saved the funds for your son. Technically, he didn’t need it for college since he got scholarships. Technically, your daughter got more funds for college. You can go technical all you want, but I think you need to consider the daughter’s point of view. Her very intelligent brother graduated from college debt-free and now has a down payment on a house.
She still has debt and yet he gets a house payment? I can feel why she is upset. Sure, you could say she didn’t work as hard as him. However, it’s also fully likely that she did work incredibly hard but wasn’t naturally gifted. It’s a very poignant example of fair vs equal. Either way, someone feels punished. She’s being punished for not getting scholarships and he’d be punished for getting them.
What you need to decide now is how important your relationship with your daughter is to you. You need to consider the very real possibility that despite the argument of right or wrong, she may not want contact with you or her brother again if there’s no reconciliation between you all. So many people are claiming she’s entitled, but there is a huge gap here.
She’s literally entering life behind her brother. If he was always the smart one who she couldn’t keep up with, who is now stuck with debt while he gets a down payment on a house… I can see valid reasons for major resentment. Even if she made poor choices that got her to where she is (or she just wasn’t as gifted and had to fight for it), she’s your daughter, and you sound more worried about who’s right and who’s the a****e than anything else.” Mathsteacher10
Another User Comments:
“YTJ a bit… I can understand your position thinking that equality is what you think is fair. But equality isn’t equitable.
Let’s say you can afford two bicycles or one wheelchair. Your son is able-bodied and your daughter is paralyzed. You give them both a bicycle. Is that fair? Your son is now spring boarding even further ahead riding on his bicycle and your daughter is stuck trying to figure it out on her own with inadequate assistance.
You’re also hanging on to a lot of this decision that impacts your adult daughter on her teenage behavior. Teenagers are hard to reason with and she might have suffered at a comparison to her brother, likely she was doing her best. People learn differently and have different skillsets and sometimes being pushed to achieve can be stressful and it was her best even if it appeared she didn’t care.
I would rather have both children debt-free than one struggling and one thriving. I feel bad for your daughter even if she does seem to be a bit entitled she’s got a point. If you’re dead set on helping them both you could have offered your son the original amount and offered your daughter the profit you gained from investing it. She needs more help.” BackPackaroniNCheese
Another User Comments:
“NTJ both kids had the same starting point and I’m sure the son worked hard in school to get the full scholarship. I think when it comes to finances it should be up to the kids to decide how they want to use the fund. Yes, the son has an advantage now, but this is based on the choices he’s made and the work he put into it.
If he doesn’t get the fund that was specifically saved up for him, I think it would send the wrong message and disregard his achievements.
In hindsight, maybe there would have been more options to support the daughter with tutoring to help her get better grades to make things fair. But then it should still not affect the college fund they both got.
My younger brother is an engineer and will always earn more than me with my business degree.
I’m proud of his hard work and work ethic because it was not easy for him to get his degree. My parents paid for his uni, while I did a co-op program where I was a paid apprentice and the company paid for tuition + gave me an apprentice salary. So my parents gave me the equivalent of what they paid for my brother instead later on in life.
(Note: this was not in the US and tuition in my country is very low, you basically pay mostly for living expenses in another city, but the principle is the same)
In my family, it has always been like this with monetary help or loans, etc. If one kid gets help financially, all other siblings get an equal amount to spend or save as they please.
That doesn’t mean everything else is always split equally or that other physical gifts will always be the same price etc. Essentially my parents would rather help me out now with things I really need, rather than wait for an inheritance that they won’t be there to see us enjoy if that makes sense.
All of this goes hand in hand with teaching kids from a young age to handle finances responsibly.
If I wasn’t responsible my parents would probably not give me money.” German_Kat
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here.
I think you all suck for several reasons.
First of all, your son’s opinion on this shouldn’t be part of your equation. He’s the beneficiary of this. And it pits the three of you against her.
You are ignoring the windfall that hit the account and how that rubs salt into the wounds of your daughter.
Your daughter is highly entitled. She wants all of the moolah for herself.
However, since you have kept control of this finances all along, it would be more fair/equitable to view it as it’s presently valued.
So, an equitable distribution to son could be:
Current fund value divided by two, plus what was already spent on daughter minus what was already spent on son.
You cannot ensure equal life outcomes between your children but you can provide equal support.” pukui7
NTJ
3. AITJ For Not Accommodating My Brother-In-Law During My Birthday Dinner?
“I (26F) recently had a birthday. Some family and I went out to dinner to celebrate. The guests were me, my husband, my parents, his parents, my two brothers, and sister, and my husband’s brother.
So here’s the deal. My brother-in-law is weird about eating out. He’ll only order a burger or fries and chicken nuggets in a food place, no matter how fancy, no matter how much choice there is.
He goes so far as not even looking at menus in places and will ask for nuggets and fries by default and will be very difficult if a place doesn’t have those on the menu. I know this but I won’t accommodate it when it comes to something I’m supposed to enjoy. When my husband and I were discussing the dinner, I told him to let his brother know they didn’t do burgers or fries at this place.
Cool. He still says he’s showing up.
The dinner arrives. Everybody’s looking at the menu except him. He waits and waits and when we’re all ordering he asks the server for fries and nuggets. He explains they don’t have those and then my brother-in-law asks about a burger. They don’t do those either. He asks could they make up some fries just for him and the server explains they can’t accommodate those.
He starts sulking and my husband makes apologies and says they’ll get the final order to them asap. Brother-in-law goes off about how trashy it was I didn’t think of him with dinner and we should have made sure there was something for him to eat. I pointed out he was told and he chose to come. That it was not my job to accommodate for his pickiness when eating out and that his taste was not a priority during my birthday dinner.
Brother in law calls me a selfish jerk and walks off. My mother-in-law tries to excuse his outburst that he’s hungry while my father-in-law can’t stop apologizing. My husband confronted his brother after, his brother said he was still annoyed at me, my husband said we were the ones annoyed and he’d made a scene during my birthday dinner. Their mom is saying I could have been more accommodating and it’s only fair to consider guests when inviting them out.
On one hand, I’m annoyed that he acted that way but on the other, I don’t want to cause any trouble between us and my husband’s family.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
It was your birthday and therefore your choice where to eat, which you let him know in advance. Not only did he choose to come anyway, but he also went about the ordering process as if he was unaware of the menu, blamed you for having no options even though you did your due diligence and let him know in advance, made a scene on your birthday, and called you a jerk on your birthday.
He couldn’t be less selfish for just your birthday?
The best-case scenario is he has some undiagnosed mental issues. The worst case is he’s completely self-absorbed and has been enabled all his life by his family. I feel sorry for your husband has had to deal with such a sibling his entire life. If I were you, I would insist the brother seek professional help, whether to see if he truly has a mental issue that causes him to behave this way, or to help him see that he needs to be less selfish in life.
No one except his parents will want to deal with this kind of behavior. Even they should have done something long ago so that he didn’t end up like this at 30. If he doesn’t seek help, then I see no reason for you to have to suffer through any other birthday celebrations with him as a guest.” ladyblue56
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here.
Why invite someone to someplace you know they won’t eat?
I’m vegan so there are a lot of things I won’t eat.. I’m also a picky eater. My brothers and their wives if they invite me out make sure there’s something I will eat. I met my partner’s mum and she doesn’t agree with my choices but she wanted to go for food and sat for a while finding places we could all eat.
I don’t even kick up a fuss, I tend to say ‘pick where you like and I’ll just come for the celebration’ but not once have they ever expected it. One of my brothers is the same as your BIL he’ll only eat a burger when out, so it gets more complicated.
Why would you pick somewhere to eat that doesn’t accommodate your guests’ food?
I get it’s your birthday but my family just say they can eat there with their partners anytime, the whole point of a family celebration is to celebrate with family. You’re excluding him. He either goes and doesn’t get to eat what he’d enjoy or doesn’t get to go. If they did that to you people would call them a jerk.
He shouldn’t have kicked off, it’s disgusting behavior and not mature, he knew they didn’t have what he wanted. I think he has every right to be annoyed at you tho because he’d look like a jerk for never going for meals with you.” Quiet_Tourist_9199
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, he reacted poorly, but with a caveat to my judgment here:
This sounds like ARFID (Avoidant/restrictive food intake disorder). I have ARFID and it sounds strikingly close to my own experiences as well as the experiences of other people with ARFID I know or I have talked to.
You mentioned that he only acts this way in public. This does not discount ARFID as a possibility, IMO. ARFID can present in multiple ways and be caused by multiple factors–the most common factors are sensory processing issues (my own situation) and/or food-related fears or traumas, such as fear of food contamination, fear of choking, or fear of vomiting (there are other reasons, these are the main ones).
In all of these cases, people with ARFID can and often do look much more ‘relaxed’ at home than they do in public. At home, you often have much more control over and familiarity with the food you have. You can choose what you’re eating, you can prepare it when and how you want, you can eat in privacy if you want or with people you trust. At restaurants, a lot of problems pop up: you have much less control over the food, but there’s also highly stressful social pressure happening.
Most (all that I know?) people with ARFID hate eating in public–people judge you, often loudly. You are treated as a burden, immature, annoying, childish, or freakish. Eating to me is very vulnerable; I avoid doing it in public at all because eating food I can’t handle can literally result in my body freezing up on me and shutting down. I can often go into a panic attack, shut down, throw up, or dissociate.
People often ask uncomfortable or invasive questions and rarely ever (basically never) take ‘no, I don’t want to talk about this’ as an answer. Etc. It’s humiliating and exhausting.
My ARFID symptoms, and many people’s, are exasperated when we eat in public or at restaurants. There are so, so many factors here. The way he acted wasn’t okay and jerkish, but I also have total sympathy for snapping at people or feeling frustrated or embarrassed when you go out in public to eat with people, expecting to be able to eat and can’t.
It’s literally something I have nightmares about; it’s humiliating and exhausting and embarrassing. God knows I literally cried on my sister’s 18th birthday in front of her man and had to leave to go into the bathroom because I thought I’d be able to eat where we were going and I couldn’t. My reaction is often fear and anxiety and embarrassment, but I can see anger too.
He might not have ARFID either, but IMO… regardless of your reasoning, dealing with dietary restrictions and food limitations in public is a deeply embarrassing, frustrating, and exhausting thing to deal with regardless. I can’t imagine why anyone would choose this. The attention it gets you is not good, even for people who like/seek negative attention for any reason. There are much easier ways to get people’s attention and ones that make you much less of a pariah.” eighteencarps
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. According to you, you knew he was picky, knew you didn’t want to accommodate him and knew he would throw a fit when he couldn’t get his way. This entire confrontation was predictable. Don’t invite someone to a dinner where you know they won’t eat anything on the menu, whether that’s by choice, religious restrictions, health reasons, or whatever. Just don’t invite them and leave the option open for them to celebrate with you at another time.
And the way this reads, you wouldn’t want to hang out with him anyway.” Mindless_Routine_820
2. AITJ For Getting Upset At Something I Had Originally Said Okay To Regarding My Wedding?
“I was supposed to get married last year but due to the obvious issue it had to be canceled and we moved it to this year.
I’m getting married in a month and I couldn’t be happier. I have a no kids wedding and I had notified everyone that it’s a no kids wedding so they could tell me whether they’ll be able to attend or not. I said it’s fine if you can’t find a babysitter for the day and I won’t judge if you can’t afford to have a sitter or you can’t find one and you won’t be able to attend, I just said I’d like to be notified at least two weeks prior to the wedding because that’s when I’m gonna give the list of the guests to the venue.
4 of my friends and a cousin of mine called me earlier this week to tell me they won’t be able to attend because they can’t find or afford a babysitter. They wished me well at the wedding. I got very upset.
They knew for an entire year that I was planning a no kids wedding and they couldn’t figure something out which tells me they don’t actually care about me.
The phone calls of the 4 friends were separate and happened in the span of 2 days and my cousin actually visited me to give me the wedding gift and tell me she won’t be able to attend. My cousin was the last one to tell me and I went off. I told her how I feel like my wedding is not important to them if they can’t figure out how to leave their kids alone for one day.
My cousin then said how I’m being unfair because I had previously said it’s fine if we can’t attend because of the kids for whatever reason and then I said that I’m being notified last minute and she pulled the argument that they notified way before the two weeks notice before the wedding and that they notified more than a month before it. I told my cousin to leave my house because I needed to think.
I called my mom to ask for advice and also consulted my fiancé but they both told me that I’m overreacting because the girls met my wishes and notified me one month prior and how I was the one that said it’s not a problem if you can’t attend because of the kids. I said I felt it was unfair that they’d put their kids above my wedding when it was just for one night and my mom scolded me and said I’m being too entitled to expect people to put their kid’s needs or their financial issues aside because I’m getting married and that my wedding might be the most important thing to me but it’s not the most important thing to everyone else and if someone has to attend 10 weddings a year it’s natural they won’t be able to meet the needs of every single one.
So AITJ for getting upset at something I previously said I wouldn’t mind?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ-
Everyone is doing more than what you asked them to do. Not only did these folx inform you waaayyyy before the two-week deadline, one even brought you a wedding present. You specifically told people that it was okay to not attend if they weren’t able to come without their children.
You specifically told people that if there were issues to let you know two weeks before the wedding.
And so because people are doing exactly as you asked you feel entitled to lose it at them?
I get it. You’re stressed. It’s been a horrible year. The health crisis has and will continue to affect everyone as globally the number of people immunized is still very low.
You are now deciding that you know people’s emotions better than they do base on them doing exactly what you asked them to do. Would you feel more loved if they showed up with kids? Would you feel better if they told you ‘too bad it’s adults-only, my kids have to come? Probably not.
You asked people to do exactly what they are doing and now you want to punish them or judge them for doing what you told them to do.
It’s a no-win situation for anyone invited to your wedding.” JetItTogether
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Your wedding should not (and apparently isn’t) be more important to your friends and cousin than their kids. Fact of life, the fact of parenthood. My kids come before anyone else.
You chose to have a child-free wedding. It’s a completely legitimate decision and I don’t fault you for it at all.
HOWEVER, when you choose a child-free wedding, you have to accept that there could potentially be a lot of people who can’t or won’t come. The reasons will carry from they can’t find or afford a sitter to they get very little free time with their kids as it is and don’t want to give that up to go to your wedding.
Any of those reasons for it going are acceptable.
You told everyone that you completely understood if they couldn’t come because of kids and just asked they give you 2 weeks’ notice. Every single one of these people did that, your cousin even being kind enough to bring over a wedding gift, but you turned around and then got angry and became a nasty bridezilla.
The world doesn’t revolve around you and your wedding.” Adulting2020
Another User Comments:
“YTJ but I understand the pressure surrounding weddings. You’re spending so much budget and time that it becomes your whole world which can sometimes cause you to lose perspective. These cancellations all in a row could make you feel like nobody cares about you. That’s simply not the case, they just have a lot going on in their lives right now, and sometimes that life stuff can shift priorities.
Remember the health crisis has uprooted everyone’s lives and sense of reality. They may even be feeling intimidated by attending a large gathering after avoiding them for over a year.
Focus on the wonderful parts of your wedding day. There will be wonderful parts. Celebrate with your other friends and cousin when it works for you both, and enjoy your future with your spouse and your loving and supportive friends and family.” Nellie_blythe
1. AITJ For Refusing To Return My $400 Wedding Dress As My Fiancé Requested?
“I (f27) have been with my fiance for 2 years. He’s 32, a divorced doctor, and lived in another town but we moved in together 7 months ago and got engaged. Unlike my exes, he’s a decent, level-headed guy though he can be a bit overdramatic when it comes to financials.
Growing up I’ve always dreamed of what my wedding dress will look like.
I went wedding dress shopping with friends although my fiance wanted to go with me like he always does but of course, he couldn’t. I purchased a really really nice wedding dress that I instantly fell in love with. It is perfect in every aspect and it only cost $400 and that’s a great deal since wedding dresses tend to be expensive here. When I got back and was so thrilled my fiance asked to see it then asked how much it cost. When I told him he was in dismay and started complaining saying I wasted that much on a colorless dress that I’ll wear for just a few hours and should’ve bought a 150$ dress or less.
I said wedding dresses are a huge deal to every bride. He argued about how weddings and everything that come with them are just part of the laws our society keeps enforcing on us and that only smart brides save funds instead of blowing it all on… a dress.
I replied that I didn’t appreciate how he belittled my joy with the dress and he said he didn’t think he is entering a marriage with a financially responsible woman which is a huge problem and demanded I fix my mistake and return the dress and get a cheaper one asap.
I said that was ridiculous since I worked and paid for the dress with my coin and also I care about the type of wedding dress I want to wear on my big day and every bride wants to look their best in their dream wedding dress he obviously has no idea. He laughed at me asking if I was even listening to myself talking like a spoiled 16-year-old about her ‘future dream wedding’.
He said I was wrong for not consulting him about the dress before buying it otherwise we wouldn’t even be having this discussion.
Long story short I refused to return it and he pitched a fit calling me irresponsible and childish for being okay with spending that much on a dress even though we’re doing well financially but he was having none of it. He left after saying I have XYZ days to return the dress and we’ll talk.
He texted saying he doesn’t understand how I’m choosing a dress over him and acting inconsiderate of his feelings since he’s the one I’m marrying and not the darn dress.
He hasn’t talked to me since then and keeps redirecting my messages and calls. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, he exhibited controlling behavior. He doesn’t get to decide what you do with your money and he can’t force you to return things you buy.
His opinion doesn’t matter more than yours. He seems to think otherwise, which indicates a more profound problem. His attitude to decision-making is inherently flawed. He is at the top of the hierarchy and you’re at the bottom. Don’t you see that? I don’t know why he thinks this way, maybe because he’s a man, maybe because he’s a doctor, etc. Your balance of power seems off.
He can veto your purchasing and decisions later in life, in every aspect. He thinks that he’s entitled to rescind your decisions. He thinks he knows best and he’s the decision-maker. I can imagine it in the future when your decisions will involve your kids, and then it’ll get complicated.
He’s also frugal, so frugal that he controls your finances this way, even though it’s not even his.
Also, that’s a really good price for a wedding dress, they’re vastly expensive nowadays.
You were 100% right to stand your ground and not to bail. You deserve to get married in your desired dress. If you will bail, you’ll remorse it later in life and always feel bad about the missed opportunity and your compulsion to wear a cheap dress that you don’t even like.
I wonder why he got the first divorce, such a lovely man.” Compensate1995
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. He sounds utterly clueless about what things actually cost. I designed and made my own wedding dress, and just the materials alone cost $150, and it was only that LITTLE because I opted for the cheaper $16/yard synthetic material instead of the $30/yard real silk.
This reminds me of my grandfather, who thought goods and services in the 2000s should cost the same as what they did in the 1960s, and who confiscated his wife’s paycheck every payday and then gave her an allowance of $20/week for groceries to feed them.
Grandma had to save the leftover pennies to afford to get her hair done. He cheaped out on everything, then complained about the inevitable shoddy quality. Does your fiance do the same? Buy a $5,000 car then spend $10,000 every year just keeping it running? Have you pointed out that his argument is double-edged, in that he is prioritizing his obsession with money over you and the control of YOUR OWN CASH?
If you stay in this relationship – and I am not saying you should – you need to do 3 things before the wedding: 1. Joint financial planning and counseling. 2. Full financial disclosure of assets and liabilities. Is his behavior because he is sitting on a hidden pile of debt? 3. PRE. NUP. They can be used to protect debts as well as assets, so if you divorce, each party doesn’t end up liable for the other’s debt.
Personally, I’d tell him to go pound sand and find someone who will appreciate his bride’s delight in her dress and the great deal she got on it.” QueenMAb82
Another User Comments:
“Okay so for my vote I think ‘no jerks here.’ I do think though that OP made a mistake with buying this dress right away. So hear me out! It sounds like OP normally has finances around for shopping which means normally spending is a joint decision.
Because of tradition obviously, he couldn’t go with her. However, it also sounds like she went and bought a dress before they discussed a wedding budget. Which should always happen before anyone buys anything for the wedding. This way everyone involved with planning the wedding is on the same page.
Also, it means you can make sure all the parts of the wedding go together.
You don’t want to buy a million-dollar dress to go to a hundred-dollar reception because that would look so dumb. And once the overall budget is done you break it into sections like ‘rental hall’, ‘pictures’, ‘food’, ‘dress’, ‘tux’, and so forth. And that is when some women do need to make the groom realize how expensive wedding dresses can be. But! That doesn’t mean wedding dresses have to be that expensive.
For my wedding, we spent maybe $400 on my dress & over the dress, hubby’s outfit, and the outfits for the wedding party. (Okay so I made the stuff for the wedding party out of some nice but not overpriced silk). Also, OP keeps saying they are doing well financially. But does she know the ins and outs of his finances? (she should if she’s going to marry him but I’ve learned on the internet not everyone does this before the big day).
Being able to do some fun stuff doesn’t necessarily mean he has money to burn. And she already said she knows he can be ‘over dramatic’ about finances (which actually reads to me like she has no problem spending a huge amount and he does). So she should have known he wouldn’t like a $400 price tag on a dress. So it should have been a discussion first.
Also, reading the end, anyone else thinks that if she doesn’t return the dress she’s not going to have a chance to use it? Because it seems fiancé has learned something about OP from this that he doesn’t like.
Also having an inexpensive wedding isn’t a bad thing. Mine ended up that way just because of chance. Also just because she has a dream of what her wedding will be like doesn’t mean it matches his dream.
They have to come to a compromise first before they can do anything. (Luckily my hubby loved my idea for a wedding so it was easy talk). I saw comments that are making assumptions on what they think he’s going to want and are making it sound bad. Not everyone wants a huge wedding. And that’s okay.” Cayachan82
