People Are On Edge In These "Am I The Jerk?" Stories
21. AITJ For Being Blamed For A Birthday Bus Mix-Up?
“I (20F) was invited to my friend’s (22NB) birthday celebration back in October. They wanted to go to a bar that checks IDs after 8:00 pm, and since one other person and I were under 21, they wanted to arrive before 8:00 pm. They told me to arrive at our meeting spot to catch the bus “around 6:30-6:45” because they “weren’t sure what time the bus would be coming.” I had to walk about 15 minutes to the meeting location, so I texted our group chat that I was on my way at 6:30.
They texted back saying they were “just leaving” their apartment and were “running late.” They have a longer walk than I do, so I’m under the assumption that I’ll get there before them anyway.
About 5 minutes later, they text the group chat saying that they’re waiting for the bus.
At this point, I’m confused because I thought they had just left their apartment due to the nature of their text, but I assumed all would be well because I’d be getting there at 6:45 anyway. Then, about one minute later, they text the group chat again saying that the bus is already there.
I stated that I didn’t mind getting an Uber or walking to the bar if they wanted to grab the bus without me, but they refused. Once I got there at 6:45, they told me that was the last bus and they missed it because of me.
I felt awful and apologized. My friend started crying and wouldn’t talk to me. They eventually started swearing and yelling, saying that they’ll “just freaking drive us there” and complained that they “have no gas.”
Once we got to the bar after an uncomfortable car ride, we saw a sign on the door that stated the bar is paid entry only tonight (a $40 cover per person).
Even though it’s before 8:00 PM, we wouldn’t be able to go anyway because none of us wanted to pay that amount. I checked the bar website, and it states that tonight is paid entry there, too. The way I see it, my friend should have looked this up beforehand, as it was their birthday plans.
They started crying again because their “birthday is ruined” and we went to a bakery and got them cookies to try and cheer them up. It seemed like after we ate, everyone was fine and enjoyed the rest of the night despite the hiccups we had.
About a week later, I got a text from this friend stating that I “ruined their birthday” because I was “inconsiderate and showed up super late,” which caused them to miss the bus and have to drive. They told me that their “feelings were hurt” and they haven’t been able to let it go.
I was super confused because their plans were incredibly loose and no matter what we wouldn’t have been able to go to the bar that night because it was paid entry. I told them I was sorry but didn’t think it was my fault because they didn’t even know what time the last bus was coming until after it had left. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. 1) Was it your fault the last bus was at 6:45 pm? No. 2) Was it your fault your friend chose to meet you between 6:30 pm and 6:45 pm without knowing it was the last bus? No, she could have planned to tell everyone to be there at 6:30 pm as a precaution (although you could have planned to be there at this time by yourself since you didn’t know the exact time the bus would be).
3) Was it your fault your friends missed the last bus? No, they chose to wait for you even though you told them not to. 4) Was it your fault the bar made a paid entry? No. 5) Was it your responsibility to plan the meeting time, know the bus schedule, and find out about the bar’s arrangements?
No (but it was your friend’s). Your friend is choosing to take their frustration out on the wrong person. Instead of acknowledging they should have planned their birthday better and that it was also just bad luck, they chose to make you the scapegoat. This is unfair to you and clearly shows this friend has issues to deal with on their own.
Be aware that this kind of situation may happen again in the future and that you will have to take the blame again when something goes wrong. It is up to you to decide whether you want to continue a friendship with someone who may use you as a scapegoat over and over again.” mimi0108
Another User Comments:
“I do feel like if friend says the bus is between 6:30 and 6:45, the appropriate thing to do is arrive at or before 6:30 so you are sure to make the bus. Or to look up the schedule. But this is fairly minor, and overall friend is the one who picked the venue without verifying all of this and was super negative about everything and blaming you, so NTJ.
However, I do think that you should have firmed up these plans, including checking the bus schedule and the venue admission times/general schedule (really friend should have done this but since it seems like it was clear to you that they didn’t, it devolves to you to do your due diligence if you want to avoid unpleasant surprises).
So, you get the info that the bus is between 6:30 and 6:45 and rather than shrugging and going with it, you take 5 minutes to look it up and then text friend that you’d both better be there by 6:30 to catch the last bus and then, knowing that there’s a possible issue with admission to the bar, I’d have looked that up, and checked back in with friend after seeing that there was that cover charge to see if they wanted to make other plans.
Why does this fall on you when it’s not your idea or anything? It’s because not everyone is responsible about things and if you don’t check things out for yourself and make sure you are knowledgeable about what you’re doing, you can end up having a crappy time or spending extra to Uber home or pay the surprise cover charge or whatever.
You absolutely did not ruin things, but I think you (and people generally) will be happier in life if you are less of a passenger and take more initiative in looking out for yourself.” Kit_Ryan
Another User Comments:
“”Be at the bus stop at 6:30-6:45.” OP gets to the bus stop at the agreed time of 6:45.
“What the heck? You’re super late and have ruined everything.” OP no. You didn’t do anything wrong. Your friend is being a drama queen. If they’re planning an event somewhere specific, they should have looked to see if there was any entry fee, and what time the last bus leaves if that’s how they’re planning on getting there and tell people the right time accordingly so they can get there on time.
They ruined their own darn birthday and are looking for someone to blame. Don’t accept that blame. NTJ.” mallionaire7
20. AITJ For Demanding A Separate Room When My Husband Invited His Mother On Our Vacation?
“My husband and I had our honeymoon in Japan. We were there for around 5 days, and as soon as we left, we knew we would like to come back.
Fast forward to the following year, I told him that we could visit (this year) for 10 days; we would just need to save money.
We bought the tickets, and as we were telling his parents about this, his mom offered to pay for our hotel, which I was so grateful for, but my parents have taught me that these types of things usually come with strings attached.
Well, 3 months ago, I found out that his mom paid for a hotel for the days we were going, which was like yay! The catch? She was coming too for 3 days. I did not say anything because I tend to stay silent and take time to fully understand how I am feeling (I am an introvert who gets mentally exhausted from interacting with people – my husband is aware of this).
Well, last month, my husband was on a call with his mom. It turned out she’s staying with us for 6 days. After he had hung up, I decided to voice how I was uncomfortable about this because his mom might say we could do our own thing, but I am thinking we would have to be considerate and spend time with her since she is paying for our hotel for 6 days.
Then the second shoe dropped. She is staying with us for 6 days in the same room. I talked with my husband about all this—how I did not feel okay, how now I have to be mentally prepared to have an extra person that I need to talk to on my vacation, and how there is not really a winning scenario because if he cancels with her, she will know something is up, and while she is still going, I don’t get to relax during the last days of my vacation.
Tonight, I found out it was my husband who invited her. He said he didn’t mean it literally; he just mentioned it in passing like “Oh, the flights are cheap and food is good.” Mom said, “That’s nice, I would like to go,” to which he replied, “Then come.”
My main issues are: I was not asked if I was okay, and he didn’t set a boundary saying that she cannot be in the same room as us.
Now I’m thinking about getting my own room. I don’t mind spending extra money so I can feel comfy during my vacation, and he gets to spend the night since it is not a big deal and he has always done that (before marriage, according to him, it is an Asian thing).
So WIBTJ for getting my own room? I don’t want to come out as a brat for not being grateful for her paying for a room for us.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but your husband is a jerk for inviting his mother on your vacation without asking.
That alone would be enough for most spouses to cancel the trip. But inviting his mother to stay in your hotel room with you for all six days without asking you is such a serious failure of basic human courtesy and decency to one’s spouse that I’m going to assume your marriage has much, much bigger problems than what you’ve posted here.
I don’t know anyone who would even think of doing this, no matter how enmeshed they are with their mother, and I don’t know anyone who would react as calmly as you are now. Most people’s reaction to a spouse telling them “Momma is going to in our bedroom every night” would be to rush the spouse to the ER for neuropsych testing and evaluation.” JTBlakeinNYC
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. The very first time I was meeting my future in-laws, I told my partner that I didn’t feel comfortable staying in their guest room and we agreed to get a hotel room. However, ten minutes after take-off, it was sprung on me that there was no hotel and we would be staying at that home.
In retrospect, I should have immediately booked a flight and gone back home. It was the most uncomfortable and unwelcoming experience I ever experienced. There is no way that I would advise you to get involved in this if it’s not comfortable for you. Most men won’t protect their wives from their family, and you’ll feel scrutinized in ways that he won’t even recognize.” SnoopyisCute
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Honestly, I’d be contacting the MIL and say thank her for the tickets, but since it was supposed to be a romantic trip with your husband and you’ve now discovered all these changes have been made without including you, now not only is it no longer a romantic holiday but now suddenly you will all be sharing a room with MIL.
So, since it’s clear your husband and she see this as a holiday for the two of them only, you will no longer be going. You would not want to get in their way or spoil it for them and hope they have a good time.
You will be arranging your own holiday for just yourself whilst they are away so they don’t have to worry. Even if you get yourself a different room, it’s allowing them to walk all over you and ruin your holiday and not give a darn.
So, don’t let them cancel your trip and refuse to back down. You go on a trip you want to without them. Don’t just stay at home, as that will be showing your husband he can do what he wants and it is you who suffers.
Send the same message to MIL and to him, and buy a ticket or deposit for the holiday you want. When he tries to get you to cancel, tell him you won’t be losing the deposit. He’s made it clear you don’t matter to him and only what he and his mum want is important for the holiday, so you’re making sure you get a holiday you want without him.
He can’t keep disrespecting you by changing arrangements behind your back and hiding it all from you. Then get mad when you refuse to go. He caused this by repeatedly going behind your back, and that’s on him. Be careful: if he keeps putting his mum above you and your marriage, he will soon end up with his mum as much as he wants and no marriage will be left.” Sweet-Interview5620
19. AITJ For Refusing To Come Out Of My Room Because My Mom Embarrasses Me?
“I (15F) am the kind of person who is too shy to even speak to their parents about private things.
My mother always forces me to go say hi to her friends when they visit and that is fine, but she then forces me to have a whole conversation with them. She then makes fun of me to entertain her guests. This has been going on since I was 9, and I’ve gotten tired of it.
Now I refuse to come out of my room when her friends arrive. I told her why, multiple times. She never changed.
Once, while she was making fun of me in front of friends, I got up and said, “Mum, I’m tired of you making me feel like an idiot in front of your friends.
90% of what you say about me isn’t even true,” then walked out. My friends/cousins call me a jerk because I shouldn’t embarrass my mum like that.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You are not required to sit still and be the target of abuse.
You’re taking up for yourself, and that’s a positive step. If your mom takes exception with your actions, it’s easy enough to say “If you don’t want me to talk like that, then stop trying to embarrass me for the entertainment of your friends.
If you are cordial to me, I will be cordial to them.” Hang in there. She will get the message.” havartna
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Sometimes, as a parent, we need to be told off when we don’t respect our kids’ requests. You are not a trained monkey or performer for their amusement, and it almost seems like your mom is doing this to get a rise out of you, which is rather cruel; we should want to help our kids feel like their best selves, not humiliated. You aren’t a jerk — I have a kid the same age and even when my best friend (his auntie) comes over to visit, he pops out and says a quick hello, then disappears.
Very normal. His life does not revolve around mine. Forced conversations to what purpose? Not so much.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, at all. I totally empathize with you. At your age I was the same way. Whenever company came around, I went straight to my room.
I didn’t like dealing with people, relatives included. It wasn’t out of hatred, I just wasn’t fond of being around a lot of people. As for being someone’s punching bag for humor, yeah I’ve been there too. Every time I went out to get something to drink or eat, my brother would start up on me and then my dad would start up not too long afterwards.
And they never understood why I avoided them. I hope that your mom eventually gets the hint and leaves you alone.” Silentlaughter84
18. AITJ For Requesting My Husband Cut His Late Night Game Nights?
“My husband (m40) and I (f34) have been having this same argument for a few years now.
We started a weekly Saturday board game night as a way to get to know more people and other families since we were new to the area. It would usually end around 10 PM, maybe later until midnight if there was a longer game. Well, I got pregnant in 2019, and I would dip out around 9 to sleep, and slowly, game night evolved into being his game night.
I was primarily responsible for the kids. He has encouraged me to go out with friends, but my small circle has dwindled to zero as they moved away, plus we cannot afford for me to go out regularly.
My main complaint is that game night goes past midnight.
Sometimes they stay up until 2-3 AM; rarely, they can go up to 6 AM. When our toddler was a baby, they would get loud and sometimes wake her up. Sometimes, they still wake me up.
My husband thinks my request to have midnight as the cutoff is unreasonable.
It’s only once a week, and I don’t have a good reason other than I don’t like it and I can’t plan things for early on Sundays since he needs to catch up on his sleep. I think playing from 6–12 AM is plenty, and maybe they shouldn’t try to fit more than one game in each week.
So… insight please?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, it’s not only once a week, it’s freaking ONCE A WEEK. Who has time to spend every Saturday evening (until well into the night) with their friends when they have a baby and a partner? It’s so unbelievably selfish and disrespectful of him to have even continued in the same way with these after you could no longer go.
Him staying up until 2–6 AM with his friends every Saturday night doesn’t just take away Saturday family time, it also ruins Sunday family time. Shouldn’t most Saturdays be spent doing family activities? I just can’t imagine being okay with every single Saturday. My husband hung out with his friends every Sunday until our baby was born.
He still gets together with them sometimes, but would never think it was okay to monopolize our entire house every single weekend. I’m just blown away that he thinks this is okay. I’m so tired of the played-out “dad is not responsible for the children” nonsense.
Lots of dads know it’s not cool to spend every Saturday night with their friends. Your husband is being a major jerk.” MrsSophiaBrown
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, and your husband sounds grossly disrespectful. “I don’t have a good reason besides I don’t like it” not only raises red flags but also isn’t true.
First, not liking something is a reason, and he nor anybody else should be telling you different. There are no such things as good or bad reasons for not wanting to do something. Second, you listed many reasons as to why these hooligans should leave: they’re here past the agreed time, they’re waking you up, they’re waking your child up, it’s encroaching on your Sunday plans, and most importantly, you’re not comfortable.
I don’t know what (if any) compromises you guys have tried, but perhaps you guys could work on having multiple shorter game nights a week, alternate 6–12 and 6–12+ game nights by week, or plan games that are still fun/fulfilling but don’t result in overstaying welcomes.
This situation doesn’t sound fair at all that you’re taking care of the kids and he’s being a kid.” leeseri
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It’s reasonable to set a cut-off time when you have young kids in the home. But I see a larger problem here where your social outlet has been cut off because you have to do all the childcare.
Why? I think you should participate and expect your husband to do the Sunday morning childcare. Invite couples. Get some friends for yourself too! Asking for an earlier end time because you want him to be awake earlier on Sunday doesn’t sound like a good reason.
Ask him directly if you want him to be doing things earlier on Sunday and let him make the choice about how late the (quieter) game nights can go.” ParsimoniousSalad
17. AITJ For Using My Employee Discount On My Last Day Of Work?
“I’ve been working two jobs now. One full-time and one on the side to make as much money as possible before college. Both of my employers know of each other. After a while, due to personal reasons, I wasn’t able to keep up with the hours at both jobs, especially after both demanded more.
So a 40-hour week became a 55-hour week minimum. So, I talked to my manager at the side job and asked her to cut some of my shifts, and said that I would have to quit if we couldn’t find any other way. But she insisted on the right to schedule my shifts the way she wanted.
So, fast forward a couple of weeks to the end of the month; I decided for myself to quit, but I knew two things. If I quit the day before the new month, they would keep my holiday payments and also I wouldn’t be able to make use of my employee discounts.
So, essentially, the store I was working at was a large retail store and had a very strict dress code. In order to comply, we were given a 50% discount on a handful of very select items in a very select quantity to purchase them and use them as work clothes.
However, since my employee discount card came late, I instead bought the stuff I needed for work at full price. And, at the end of the month, when I was given my discount card, I bought similar items for myself, like black jeans, with the discount.
I quit the next day.
When I was called in to bring back some stuff I was given, like the said discount card, I was called into the manager’s office, and she basically called me a bold jerk for using up the discount one day before quitting.
By the way, said multimillion-dollar retail company still made profits off that 50%, and, like I said, the discounts were only on a very few select items. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Clearly NTJ. You’re still an employee during your last day of work. By their logic, since you’re apparently not entitled to employee status on your last day, they’re also the jerk for making you work on your last day.” SootheYourSoul
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Perks of being an employee is using the discount. If you had been given the card when you should have, you would have made those purchases earlier. But you would have made them, period.” voluntold9276
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Cheap business makes you buy your own uniform instead of providing it.
They deserve this. All they have to do if they want to avoid this is provide the clothes for the workers. Then they can get them back.” [deleted]
16. AITJ For Refusing To Take In My Husband's Troubled Best Friend?
“My husband has known his best friend “T” for nearly 20 years now and they’re super close.
T is a great guy. He’s got a heart of gold, would do anything for us, and has honestly never done anything to upset or offend me.
Well…He’s also a mess right now, for lack of a better word. He went through a very traumatic event where he could’ve lost his life, and he did witness someone lose their life, for which he feels responsible.
Literally everyone knows he did the best he could besides T. The physical wounds have healed, but mentally and emotionally, he has changed. I can’t fault him for this, obviously, but it doesn’t take away the fact that he’s like a totally different person. Sadder, quieter, and drinking a lot more.
As if that’s not bad enough, his (soon to be ex) wife chose about 3 weeks after the “event” to tell him she’d been having an affair for 6 months. So they then separated last October, and he’s been alone ever since. My husband checks in on him a lot, and we try to include him as we always have, but I think everyone feels awkward around him at this point, my husband included.
So fast forward to now. T called my husband in the middle of the night last weekend, basically on the verge of a breakdown. My husband has never been great at relaying details, so I don’t have the full story, but whatever happened has him really, really worried, and he says T doesn’t need to be alone anymore and he wants to extend the offer for him to move in with us.
I love T too, and my heart breaks for him, but I don’t think we are in a position to deal with all of this, as horrible as that may sound. We have one kid going to college in the fall and another going into their senior year, an autistic 10-year-old, and a close relative whose health is deteriorating so we’re on the hook being there for them, etc. I just don’t know that it would be good for any of us, and I explained this to my husband.
Our household has a lot going on at any given time, and I don’t know that it’d be good for T anyway.
My husband’s pretty upset and accused me of turning my back on T just because he’s going through a rough patch. I guess I can kind of see how it looks like that, but what’s the alternative?
I feel like if he moves in, then everyone’s focus is gonna shift to him because it’s not like it’s gonna be a magical cure for his issues, and that’s not fair to our kids.
Things have been tense all week now because my husband has convinced himself that moving in is what’s best for T, and now I’m standing in the way of that.
Is he right, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. I think you and your husband need to have a serious sit down about this between yourselves and work out what exactly is going on in your lives right now and work out how feasible or unfeasible it is to have T there, and if T is there, you would need to work out ground rules and the like.
If it turns out that it’s not feasible, maybe something else can be arranged? Like visiting T where he currently lives at predetermined times or inviting him over for dinner on a regular basis? It’s not an easy situation, and I hope T and your family are okay.” AdamOfIzalith
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Breakdowns are really, really hard on the surrounding families. I would strongly urge you to discuss how traumatizing a mental break is for children that witness it and, as you have a vulnerable kiddo, you can’t risk that. Besides, if he’s drinking, neither of you knows how his personality changes when he’s in his cups.
Can’t risk that, either. As well as the basic fact that none of you are qualified to help someone who is feeling self-destructive. It’s very traumatizing to be around someone that is in such a dark place and again you have vulnerable kiddos. Your friend needs therapy.
You all are unqualified to assist him.” EvolvingWren
15. AITJ For Withholding The Truth About My Mother's Affair And My Brother's Paternity?
“I (32F) have six other siblings. My parents’ marriage has had its ups and downs. My father has always stated my mother was being “unfaithful.” No proof, but he felt it from her actions throughout the marriage. She stated he was always working. True to an extent that there are seven of us and she didn’t work at all during their marriage.
I never held it against him. During my senior year, my mother had an affair with a family friend that ended with my parents separating for a while. It caused turmoil among my siblings, me, and my mother, but over the years we rebuilt our relationship with her.
Two years ago, my parents reconciled. They even renewed their vows. Out of the blue, my grandparents stopped talking to my mother. No one seemed to notice, or, better yet, they turned a blind eye to it. I didn’t. It wasn’t until I asked my mother why—or rather, when I confronted her—that she confessed that this family friend is the biological father to my youngest sibling (28M).
The family friend told my grandparents (her parents).
I begged my mother to tell my father, but she hasn’t. She told me she wasn’t going to break our family up again and that if I did, it would be on me if my father didn’t take it well.
I’m torn. I don’t know what to do. I feel that if I told my father, he would literally pass away. His health hasn’t been the greatest these past years. Then there’s my baby brother, who’s a vet and suffers from PTSD. I’m afraid that by telling him, it will set him back mentally.
My father has always been a tremendous man to us! I wouldn’t dare strip him of that! I’m losing sleep at night because of this! Torn in Texas.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, I’m the product of an extramarital affair (I’m biracial but was raised white…it’s actually a really funny story).
I found out when I was 21. Let me be super clear about this: This is not your burden to bear. You know a secret…yes. But it’s not your responsibility to tell your dad or your brother. You didn’t create the situation and you don’t have to fix it.
You just keep on loving everyone like you always have. If you think about it, nothing has changed. Your dad is still your brother’s dad. The other guy was a sperm donor, that’s it. Best of luck to you. It’ll all work out.” Ghostmama
Another User Comments:
“I know there will be people who insist that you need to tell the truth here, but I beg you to consider what telling the truth will give your father and brother right now. Truth is helpful to those searching for it in these situations, but for it to blindside them and turn your family upside down, it is worth considering timing and what it will give them.
Your mother did a horrible thing, but I don’t think it will be her who suffers the most if you tell them the truth. Feeling happiness and peace is more important towards the end of someone’s life (for your father)… But in saying that, if your brother finds out later in life, that can also be damaging.
If he is not in a good place at the moment, though, I would consider the timing. Your father might reach the end of his life without finding out, but it is unlikely your brother will because these things never stay secret. It is a heavy weight for you to carry, but the domino effect of revealing this may create even more sleepless nights.
I don’t think there is an easy solution here for you. But you’re NTJ either way really.” moonsherbet
Another User Comments:
“Your brother deserves to know, and it sounds like the secret is now on the loose. You know, and your grandparents know, and his biodad may have told any number of people.
It’s possible that your dad may already suspect your brother’s paternity, but loves him too much to want to say anything. My father has always stated my mother was being ‘unfaithful’. I hate to even type this, but maybe some of your other siblings have different parentage.
This may open a real family drama. It might help for you to speak with a mental health professional, OP, and to get their opinion on how difficult this revelation would be on your dad and brother, and how they should be told.” Swedishpunsch
14. AITJ For Being Mad That My Fiancé's Mom Prioritized Her Pregnant Daughter Over My Wedding?
“I have always felt judged and unwelcome by my fiancé’s mother and sister (Dad isn’t in the picture, so it was the three of them growing up).
His sister is a couple of years older and already has two children. She just started telling people that she’s pregnant. A few weeks ago (before she told my fiancé), his mother told him that she “might need to take care of her grandchildren and wouldn’t be able to come to the wedding.” He quickly deduced that his sister is pregnant.
His mom then asked if we could move our wedding date so they could come (even though his sister had previously gotten mad at my fiancé and me and said that she wasn’t sure if she would even come to the wedding at all).
We had already paid our deposit and gotten our lodging, so we agreed that we couldn’t move our wedding, especially since we’d have to move it by several months to accommodate his pregnant sister.
After that phone call, we assumed his sister was due within a couple of days to a week of the wedding since his mom was already planning on staying with her.
We figured that the sister wouldn’t want to travel in the last month of her pregnancy, but that his mom wouldn’t miss the wedding unless it was a close due date.
But when his sis told my fiancé that she’s pregnant, she told him her due date is 22 days after our wedding.
His mom still hasn’t mentioned the wedding again, even when she visited us last week.
To be fair, I’m not sure if the sis usually goes into labor early and I totally understand wanting your mom there when you’re having a baby.
But my fiancé’s mom said she had to take care of the children. The father of the children also has parents and family that could help with childcare, so that my fiancé’s mother could attend the wedding of her only son.
AITJ for being upset that my future mother-in-law isn’t even pretending to plan on coming to the wedding when her daughter isn’t due until three weeks after the wedding?
I understand if she goes into labor early and their mom has to stay and would have to miss the wedding. But couldn’t she at least pretend to care about her son half as much as her daughter?
Also, this is her third kid and they want to have at least one more.
We’re planning on this being our only wedding so…”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – but let it go. She doesn’t want to come to the wedding because she doesn’t want you taking her place as her son’s go-to person, as it should be since you are marrying him.
Take the high road… Sorry, you can’t be there, MIL. We will be happy to let people know you had a more important commitment that day, watching your grandkids. Say it sweetly like a nice Southern lady would. Don’t ever be mean to her, but do be like a nice sweet southern lady and irritate the crap out of her….
Don’t let on that it bothers you. It’s her loss, not yours. By being nice and delivering subtle, seemingly honest, caring comments, your husband will see her pettiness come to light.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. 22 days is 3 weeks. 37 weeks is considered a full-term baby.
Also, did your future MIL say that she plans on not coming or that it’s a possibility depending on what happens? My parents are at a wedding tonight (granted, not nearly as close as their own child getting married). I gave birth on Monday, but had I been in labor today, they wouldn’t have gone to the wedding and would have told the couple that in advance.
Was she saying “I can’t go,” or “If your sister has complications or goes into labor early, I might not be able to make it”? Also, do you actually know if her husband’s family is supportive, or are you just assuming? My husband’s parents aren’t bad, but they aren’t in a position to watch our toddler, and we wouldn’t be comfortable with that.
My parents are a lot more involved.” Usrname52
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. And I mean this as kindly as I can. She told you upfront when you mentioned the date that she might not be available—it’s not like plans have suddenly changed due to pregnancy.
SiL announced her pregnancy to MiL before your date was announced. She’s honouring the word she gave to watch the kids, made before your wedding date. It sounds like your MiL is the designated carer of the children for when your SiL goes into labour so the husband can be there for her.
Due 22 days after your wedding will mean she’s considered medically full term on/around your wedding date. Your MiL will be on emergency alert from even a few weeks before your wedding, I’d imagine, so I can see her hesitancy—as she needs to book flights based on your comments, she won’t be readily available if the time comes during the wedding week and isn’t comfortable being so far.
I would say go easy on her. She made a prior commitment and was upfront about it. She tried to make a compromise by asking if you could move it and, yes, you can’t change your date now and shouldn’t have to, but she doesn’t have to change her commitment made before the date was announced either.” DeeDee-MayMay
13. AITJ For Being Angry At My Sister For Claiming To Be An Only Child?
“On my most recent trip to see my family, I learned from one of my nieces that my sister was an only child.
I thought it was funny, honestly. I told my sister about it later, joking about the crazy things kids say. My sister got mad and told me not to tell her otherwise, which kind of threw me off. It turned into this whole argument, and I left pretty annoyed and upset by it.
I admit I live pretty far away from most of my family. I don’t get to see my sister and her kids very often. I usually visit every other year or so, but I know that can seem like a long time for kids. Even so, telling them that I don’t exist at all seems messed up to me.
I mean, I’ve been sending those kids gifts for years. What happens to those? I even tried talking to my mom about it, and she told me I was overreacting and that I just needed to apologize. Basically, I don’t know what to do right now.
It really doesn’t seem like I should be the one apologizing. Am I the jerk here?”
Another User Comments:
“You are NOT the jerk here. My sister and I haven’t spoken since my son was 2. I still tell him she’s around and just has done some bad things to Mommy so we can’t trust her.
Communication is everything, and it’s pretty nonsense for your sister to claim being an only child unless you guys had some sort of serious fallout that went unmentioned in your post, but from the way you phrased everything, I doubt that. Also, as a mom, there’s never a good reason to lie to your kids about crap like that.
It’s ridiculous and also pretty wrong.” alienqueendri
Another User Comments:
“Your mom is… not right. NTJ. This is so off-putting that it almost feels like you accidentally fell into a different dimension. So what the heck, your sister’s kids just… aren’t even aware you exist?
You’ve been sending presents to them for years that haven’t gotten there or have been outright confiscated? And your mother is… fine with this? Why would your sister tell such a strange lie? Did you have some sort of falling-out that would make her consider disowning you?
This is beyond bizarre. Check your dimension’s serial number to make sure you’re still in the right one.” one_1f_by_land
Another User Comments:
“I get the feeling that OP isn’t telling the whole story. 1: OP seemed angry, rather than confused that his sister said she was an only child.
(I would be like what the heck, rather than outraged.) 2: The mother agreed with the sister and said he should apologize. Why does she agree with the sister, and apologize for what? To judge, I think we need more information.” doggirlie
12. AITJ For Not Speaking With My Abusive Mom Despite Family Demands?
“I haven’t spoken with my mom since June 2023. She’s always been pretty awful to me, but in June ’23, she finally said some things that made me snap.
Long story short, I had taken two weeks off work to go to my hometown to take care of my ailing grandmother.
I was happy to do this as I wanted to help my grandma because she had always been there for me and I missed her, but on the last day I was there, my mom decided to tell me that I needed to move back home and take care of her full time.
When I told her I couldn’t because I have my own responsibilities, she proceeded to call me every name in the book and insult me constantly. She even started insulting my 17-year-old cousin, who was with me for the two weeks, because the room she stayed in ‘was so dirty’ (my cousin cleaned the room before we left).
I recorded a good portion of her berating me.
This is a pattern for her, where she loves you and says you’re the best person, but then when you tell her no or something else she doesn’t want to hear, she flips and makes you out to be the worst person ever and paints herself as the victim.
I finally had enough and stopped talking to her. I still talk to my stepdad, my two younger sisters, and my twin little brothers. My mom is literally the only person on that side of my family I have blocked.
Today, my stepdad’s mom called me to tell me about some issues one of my sisters is having.
It turned into her telling me that I need to speak with my mom, that she made a mistake, and that I should find it in myself to forgive her. I explained that I wouldn’t be doing that, and she continued to press me about talking with my mom.
She said something along the lines of, “I just don’t understand, I can forgive people who have made mistakes, why can’t you? You must not have it in your heart,” among other things, and I lost it. I told her I would not be talking with my mother.
I told her about the abuse her son dealt with from my mother, and how my little sister had told me that our mom was part of the reason she was having so many issues. It definitely upset her, but she continued insisting that I speak with my mom.
I finally gave up and hung up, but AITJ for still not talking to my mom even though I know my little sister is having issues?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. What it sounds like is your mom may be taking out her frustration on your younger sister, and they are using that as an excuse to have you try and rekindle a relationship with your mother.
You know what’s best for you. Be there for your little sister as much as you can. Protect your peace. I haven’t talked to my father in almost 20 years. It’s a decision I didn’t take lightly, but it is one that has made my life exponentially better.
They are not entitled to a relationship with you, especially if they are toxic.” a_bowl_of_bananas
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. We have someone in our family who sounds much like your mother. Sometimes, you have to draw a line in the sand and refuse to be abused. In my opinion, that’s a healthy move.
You are so good at making sure you keep contact with your stepdad (who I am sure understands) and your siblings. Your step-grandmother meant well, I assume, but this is not her situation to manage, and you did not invite her opinion. She overstepped. In no way are you a jerk.
Just reach out to your little sister and do what you can to help her.” Realistic_Head4279
Another User Comments:
“Look, if dealing with your mom is unhealthy for you, then don’t deal with her. Do, however, make sure that you are reaching out to your siblings, especially this particular sister, as it sounds like she is having a tough time.
You already know what a dragon your mother can be. If she is half as nasty to your siblings as she has been to you, you know what they are dealing with, and it’s not good. Continue reaching out to everyone else and let them know you are available and interested in maintaining contact.
Just avoid Mom as much as possible. Stick to your guns. Just because my stepdad’s mom is forgiving her doesn’t mean anything — she has likely had very different experiences with your mom than you have. NTJ.” mumtaz2004
11. AITJ For Refusing To Loan Money And Enable My Sister's Irresponsible Spending?
“I (29M) have a younger sister, Sarah (24F), who has always been irresponsible with money. Growing up, she’d blow her allowance on random things and never learned to budget or save. I tried to give her advice over the years, but she never listened. Fast forward to a few months ago, when Sarah came to me in tears saying she was drowning in debt.
She had credit card bills, personal loans, and even payday loans just to get by. She said she was struggling to pay rent and was about to lose her apartment and car.
At first, I wasn’t shocked but was concerned. I told her I’d help her come up with a plan to get out of debt, but I wasn’t going to just give her money.
She then begged me for a loan, claiming she’d pay me back soon. I told her no. I didn’t want to enable her bad financial habits. I offered to sit down with her and create a strategy to pay it off, but she didn’t like that response.
Now, she’s asking again, saying the situation is even worse. She claims she’s “learning from her mistakes” but still wants me to bail her out. Our parents think I’m being too harsh and selfish for not just helping her out this one time.
They’ve always been the ones to step in and cover for her, and I’m the one who’s always tried to teach her responsibility. But I feel like if I give in now, she’ll never learn.
I’m torn. I want to help, but I don’t think it’s my responsibility to fix her financial mess when she hasn’t made any real effort to change.
AITJ for refusing to give her money?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It is better for her to learn a lesson. If you help her, she will probably not learn the lessons and will be back in debt soon and will ask you for help again.
She’s 24; she needs to learn how to be financially responsible. You’re not being too harsh; you’re just being realistic, and by teaching her how to get out of debt she will probably become better at money management. It’s a win-win situation for both of you.” Gloomy_Friend_1383
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Giving her more money won’t solve your sister’s underlying problems. Continue to tell her that you won’t give her money, but will help her to figure out how to budget and pay down her own debts. If she refuses, that’s her choice.
Also, nothing terrible will happen to your sister if her debts don’t get paid. In the US, lenders may stop lending her money, she could be evicted if she fails to pay her rent, and she could have her car repossessed if she doesn’t pay her car loan.
But she isn’t going to be hurt or jailed. She may have to move back in with Mom and Dad and take the bus, but maybe that’s what it takes for her to learn responsibility.” teresajs
Another User Comments:
“Your parents have no opinion on how you manage your money.
I am not trying to be harsh here. The truth of the matter is, if your parents think she should just be given money to bail her out, let them do it. I promise you, if you do this, you are doomed. It will never end.
Every single time you tell her no, the situation will become worse and worse because she will become increasingly entitled. I am so sorry; we went through this exact situation with my husband’s sister. She told me that when I said no, it didn’t really matter what I said because he was her brother, and she knew just how to get what she wanted from him.” curiously_anna
10. AITJ For Refusing To Share My Sibling Tattoo With My Dad?
“My older brother and I got matching Star Wars lightsaber tattoos, they are in the same spot but different colors and handles. They have a lot of meaning to me and his bonding growing up.
We got them back in 2018.
Since then, my dad and mom have begun the process of a very messy divorce. Long story short, he two-timed (again), and as his own children were now all about to graduate high school, he didn’t think twice about getting up and leaving to start a new family.
A whole lot of drama unfolded, which led to my brother scolding him severely via phone call and completely cutting contact. (This could honestly be a whole thing on its own in terms of a post.) My sister and mom moved in with me, and to keep the peace for my mother during this process, I have been answering phone calls and messages from my dad, more out of obligation than desire to have contact.
Fast forward to right before Christmas, and my sister and I got trapped into a much too lengthy lunch we weren’t anticipating. After a long and very forced conversation, he asked to see my tattoo. He has asked me to create a matching one for him (just changing the color and handle) so he can get it tattooed as well.
He wants it in the same spot as well. At this point, my sister and I made heavy eye contact since we thought it was a little crazy. He had said for years that he didn’t want to get another tattoo when he was with my mom, so it was a little out of nowhere.
My sister hasn’t gotten this tattoo and wasn’t sure she wanted to get it to join the sibling grouping, but definitely doesn’t want it if he gets it.
I know this doesn’t change the meaning or significance of my brother and I having the tattoo.
It’s not a big deal to design it either, since all I did for my brother and I in terms of sketch for the artists was just show the handle and the roughs of the watercolor effect we agreed we wanted. I did tell my brother but didn’t get much opinion other than a disbelieving chortle.
Should I just suck it up and continue to keep the peace and send him the drawings? AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. The tattoo is a symbol of the bond between you and your brother. Your brother is not even speaking to your dad. I don’t think it would be wise for your dad to share a tattoo with you both while the relationship is so contentious.
“Dad I love you but after some further thought, I’m not sending the tattoo images. (Brother Name) and I got these together as sibling tattoos and I would like to keep it that way. If you want to get another tattoo in the same space in the same form I can’t stop you but I won’t be assisting you and I hope you can respect that.
I’m perfectly fine drawing a different tattoo for you (if you want maybe you all can get a tattoo together) but I don’t want to match on this one with you – that’s just for me and (brother’s name).”” EJ_1004
Another User Comments:
“So instead of suggesting a tattoo to help bridge the rift that he has caused, he’s trying to take the lazy route and not just make you do all the work, but also try to latch onto something that doesn’t involve him whatsoever. Tell him no, the matching tattoo design is for you and your brother, not your dad.
It’s not even a sibling tattoo, it’s nowhere near a family one. Personally, I’d ask him what makes him think you want a matching tattoo with him of all people, but I’m petty and more than happy to cut off family.” Remote-Passenger7880
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Do not. This isn’t keeping the peace, this is putting off the drama and causing more hurt feelings. Imagine how your mom will feel when he throws this in her face. Or your brother when his dad that he went NC with gets a matching tattoo to force bonding.
Instead, grab your shiny back bone, use the force, and like Luke and Leia – don’t accept your dad’s crap! “Dad, sorry, this is for the siblings only. You caused a lot of hurt and honestly I’m not comfortable with this. I can’t stop you from getting a tattoo, or where you get it, but this is for us siblings, no parents allowed.” If you cave, at least have the guts to make his Darth Vader’s as a dark side joke.” Bibliophile_w_coffee
9. AITJ For Being Mad That My Partner's Mom Rearranged My Closet And Invaded My Privacy?
“My partner and I were on a month-long trip away.
For two weeks, my sister watched our cats, and for the final two weeks, my partner’s mother watched the cats. She took it upon herself not only to clean the house, but also to reorganize my closet and drawers. Basically, she reorganized my entire bedroom.
When I saw the extent of her reorganization, I became livid. My partner agrees that she did something wrong and violated my privacy, but thinks I’m overreacting and we’ve basically been fighting for 24 hours.
Am I crazy for thinking it’s a big deal that she touched and moved my stuff without asking me?
I’m thankful that she cleaned the house and watched the cats, but she could’ve done that without opening my drawers. My partner is now saying never to ask her for anything again. Ugh.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, her actions were inappropriate and invasive. You mentioned he agrees but thinks you’re overreacting… Like what reaction specifically does he think is over the top?
Honestly, his response not to ask her for anything again seems unreasonable. Is he genuinely saying he feels this is a sign that she cannot/should not be in your home unsupervised? Is he unwilling to say anything to her about it? Or is this more of an angry or resentful response on HIS part, towards you, where he’s kind of criticizing you for having the nerve to dislike the invasion of your privacy?” owls_and_cardinals
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, this is not just a privacy violation (although it’s bad enough just as that) it’s like a marking of territory. It’s a message. She considers that she has the right to go through all your things and do what she wishes with them.
She is asserting that “right” as the mother of her son, as if this were his childhood room and he were still a minor, with you not recognized as having any right to privacy and your own space, under your control, that she should respect.
Plus, it’s about whether your partner will submit to her and play down what she did or take a stand with you against her actions. Regardless of her intentions, if your partner plays this down instead of laying down the law on this, then she will get the message loud and clear that her baby is on her side and you don’t have control over that territory or the loyalty of her son.
Your partner needs to factor in the subtext.” kurokomainu
Another User Comments:
“Speak up! It only gets worse from here. She felt entitled to go through your belongings & move them to other places under the guise of being “helpful.” She is clearly old enough to know that this is highly inappropriate.
Your partner needs to speak up to his mother on this or she will continue to cross boundaries and disrespect them. Thank her for watching the cats, but also explain to her that you don’t like your personal items being rifled through. My father-in-law used to walk into our house through our back door.
That is where our bedroom & shower are. It felt like a complete violation of privacy every time he did it. My husband spoke up, and he sometimes still uses the back door, but he always knocks. If she’s a normal person, she will apologize and be more considerate.
If she gets angry, that’s very telling of what type of family you are getting into.” AndromedasLight17
8. AITJ For Letting My Son And His Best Friend Go To Disneyland Without Asking My Ex?
“My brother Randy has crazy money and likes to spoil my kids with random things. He asked if he could surprise my 11yo son Reed and if Reed wanted to bring his friend Luke.
Luke is a foster kid, and my son has been best friends with him since they were 6. Reed is actually my ex’s biological nephew, but we adopted him when he was 3.
We told the boys that they had a special surprise that they would get before school.
Luke’s parents dropped him off with his bag at my house, and Randy picked both kids up. I told my son’s teacher that he’d be missing school, and she thanked me because fewer kids on a Friday before a holiday is better.
My ex called me up and asked why Reed wasn’t at school.
I said because he’s at Disneyland with Uncle Randy and Luke. She said I should have asked her beforehand. I said, “Should have asked or told you.” She said, “Asked.” I said his trip is on my custody time (one week on, one week off), so no, I don’t have to ask for your permission.
I don’t ask you to ask me for permission when Reed goes on a sleepover. Plus, Luke has never been to Disneyland, and neither kid has stayed in a $1,500-a-night suite. I said maybe I should have told you, although we generally don’t tell each other about sleepovers, but I’m not apologizing for not asking for your permission.
I tried to understand her logic. She said she wasn’t comfortable with a non-relative adult taking Reed on a vacation. I said Randy is his uncle. She said, “You know what I mean. He really isn’t.” I said I wasn’t going to continue this conversation with her, and she can kiss my behind.
Randy was family enough to accept money from him. The irony is that I’ve raised that kid more than her because I’m a remote worker who can do most of my job on my phone, so Reed is growing up with a SAHD.”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Yes it is your time and you have the right to make all the “normal” decisions during this time. You and your ex should decide together before allowing your child to miss school for fun. Allowing your child to travel overnight without a parent is something it would be polite to discuss.
IMO, women in general are much more aware of the potential for intimate assaults than men. I’m not saying that your brother should automatically be assumed to be a predator. But a child in foster care and a child with a challenging start to life are more vulnerable to exploitation.
Traveling and staying at a hotel is not equivalent to having your child sleep over at a friend’s house.” LAC_NOS
Another User Comments:
“ESH, but you more. Your ex for saying Randy isn’t really Reed’s uncle; he’s just as much Reed’s uncle as you are his parents.
You for: 1) Sending your kid on an overnight trip out of town without telling your ex, especially when that trip is without you, his parent. It doesn’t matter if it’s your custody week, telling her is basic courtesy and good co-parenting. This is not equivalent to a regular sleepover.
2) Letting your kid skip school for a vacation without at least giving your ex a heads-up. 3) Acting like being a remote worker makes you a stay-at-home parent or better parent than her. It doesn’t. 4) Telling her to kiss your behind. So mature.” ShadowsObserver
Another User Comments:
“ESH. No, your ex doesn’t get to demand you get permission. She doesn’t get to say that Randy isn’t the uncle. She can express discomfort, but she doesn’t get to call the shots. However, this is not a sleepover at a local house.
Since this is a vacation and it needed the kid being pulled out of school for a day, giving her a heads up about the kid being out of town would have been the right thing to do. Put yourself in her shoes a little—you’re doing your thing and you get a notification that your kid isn’t in school.
You don’t know why. You call your ex and find out that your kid isn’t there because he’s out of town. Do you really think you’d be happy to know you weren’t told at all?” Goda6511
7. AITJ For Confronting My Coworker For Removing Her Shoes In The Office?
“I’m a first-year law student. In my country, after high school, you typically attend law school for a five-year degree, take the bar exams, and then begin practising law. My college has given us an internship break until February, so I’m currently interning for two months.
I (F17) have been interning with a firm since December. A new intern (F20-22) joined in January. For context, we’ve had minor arguments since her first day, when she made a comment about my financial background, implying I don’t need to work because I “must have daddy’s money lying around,” since my particular law school is quite expensive.
Over the past few days, she has been taking off her shoes while working. Since we share the same table, the smell becomes unbearable. (She wears shoes without socks, and with the building’s elevator out of order, we’ve been climbing five flights of stairs daily in 31°C/87.8°F weather.)
I’ve been addressing this issue privately for a few days now—starting with subtle hints and eventually directly asking her to keep her shoes on. Today, the same issue arose, but this time, I confronted her in front of other coworkers (who happened to be her juniors from the same college).
The conversation unfolded as follows:
Me: Hey, I hope this doesn’t come across the wrong way, but I’ve noticed you sometimes take off your shoes in the office. I understand wanting to be comfortable, but since this is a shared space, it might be better to keep them on to maintain a professional atmosphere.
I hope you don’t mind me bringing this up again.
Her: Why does it matter to you? You already said the same thing the other day.
Me: It’s just a bit uncomfortable to see your feet while working (we have glass tables).
Her: Then don’t look.
Me: You’ve also been kicking me under the table, which is really uncomfortable. Could you please stop?
Her: No, I’m wearing heels, and they’re uncomfortable to wear all day. I’ll continue to take them off.
Me: I get that heels can be uncomfortable, and I understand wanting to be at ease.
Maybe you could try wearing sports shoes or office shoes like the rest of us? It must also be tough to climb the stairs in heels. But could you please keep your shoes on? The smell can get a bit overwhelming.
Her: No. I would know if my feet smelled.
Another coworker (to me): Show her some respect. She’s three years older than you, jerk.
AITJ for asking my coworker to wear her shoes because I don’t want to see her feet?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. The real issue here is the unbearable smell from her feet—something you cannot hide or ignore (like the sight of her hideous feet).
In my company, I would just use the HR representative of my department to file a complaint so I wouldn’t have to deal with the employee myself. Is that something you can do in your firm too? Confronting another employee is never a good thing, and finding her other excuses to avoid offending her would help either.” edebby
Another User Comments:
“ESH. You handled this the wrong way. You should never have said anything in public. Her shoes are generally not your business—what makes it your business is that her feet stink. You should have either addressed the actual problem with her discreetly or, ideally, privately asked a supervisor to intervene.
Your beating around the bush by criticizing her ‘professionalism,’ which is her supervisor’s business and not yours, got her defenses up; now she won’t acknowledge the real problem, which is her stinky feet. And now, if you go to her supervisor, the whole office will know it was you.
You have already antagonized a bunch of people by confronting her publicly—a bad move. But yes, she shouldn’t be prancing around in a shared space with bare feet and stinky feet. I am a lawyer, and many women in my office wear sneakers or flip-flops to work, depending on the weather, and then change into their heels in the office; the heels only go to court.
At this point, you should talk to the supervisor, acknowledge your mistake in discussing it publicly, but also tell him how she has been treating you and how the coworker called you a ‘jerk’.” stiletto929
6. AITJ For Refusing To Call An Uber For My Roommate?
“My (32F) roommate (28F) got stranded at work today. My husband (33M) was still at work for another 45 minutes. I asked her if she could wait, and she said they wouldn’t let her wait inside, which doesn’t sound right for a popular fast food chain.
So, she asked me to send her an Uber, which would cost $23. I told her she could wait for a ride because I know there was no way I’m getting that money back on her first check. She already owes back rent for being here for a month and contributing nothing.
She called me heartless, then told me not to worry because she sees what kind of friend I am. She said it was freezing outside and she could die of hypothermia. We live in the South and it was 43°F.
Later, she called me right before my husband was going to come get her and said “someone was nice and is giving me a lift home so save your precious gas.” I shrugged it off, but she’s not talking to me.
So, am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. My first thought is “Why doesn’t she get her own Uber?” But if it’s a new job and no prior income/was already borrowing money, well that point’s answered. But it’s weird that she’s not allowed to wait inside at work while waiting for a ride.
That would beg the question, WHY isn’t she allowed to wait inside? Did she do something that got her kicked out of the building? (At which point she might not have the job anymore anyways.) Or is she just stubborn and refusing to walk back inside because “I’m already outside, going back inside would look weird.” (At which point she’s just being a stubborn brat and needs to realize nobody cares about her social appearance that much.)” neophenx
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, she is a grown woman acting like it is someone else’s responsibility to care for her, as if she is owed something the second she asks for it. She had the option of a ride and chose to be impatient.
I get it’s cold, but that’s what happens when you don’t have a car. And I live in the South too, she can deal. Also, she is probably saying she can’t sit in the fast food chain so that you feel some sense of urgency to get her that Uber and get her way.
I don’t think that’s true either.” tgifreakyou
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It sounds like your roommate has been taking advantage of your kindness and hasn’t been fulfilling her responsibilities, especially with the back rent. You offered her a reasonable solution by asking her to wait a little longer for your husband, and her asking for an Uber seems excessive when it’s not an emergency.
Her exaggerating about hypothermia and calling you heartless when you’ve already been accommodating is manipulative. It’s understandable to set boundaries, especially since she still owes you money. She’s clearly upset because her request for an Uber didn’t go through, but it’s not your responsibility to keep enabling someone who isn’t pulling their weight.
If she’s not speaking to you now, that’s on her. She’s likely more upset about having to face the consequences for her own actions than the situation itself. Keep your boundaries firm, you’re not in the wrong here.” world_of_zoe
5. AITJ For Moving On From A Friend Who Won't Commit To Traveling With Me?
“Jessica and I are pretty good friends.
We have known each other for years. We made plans to travel together back in 2020, but it never happened; every year after, she couldn’t commit because of finances. (We were planning a big Euro trip.) No biggie, it happens, except that she has the funds to do literally everything and anything else under the sun, whereas I was saving up for the trip.
I wasn’t trying to be a watchdog, but I just took note, asked her one last time about it, and she said she couldn’t afford it, so I decided I would go without her mentally.
Recently, she started seeing this guy Robert, and they’ve been traveling together, flying up to see each other.
It irked me because we had our plans set forever and she didn’t commit, but she’ll go with this guy.
I got the hint. I moved on and asked my friend Kira if she wanted to travel, and Kira said yes. So we did our travels, had a good time, and we’re planning more.
Jessica is salty that I traveled with Kira (Kira and Robert are also exes, and it didn’t end well between all three of them, as I’ve since learned, but that’s not my drama).
I pointed out that she never commits, and she said she never has funds or time off (but plans vacations with Robert all the time) and is mad that I’m traveling with Kira instead.
It’s not just travel either. We live in the same city. Jessica never wants to explore or try new things with me, or she will flake, but she will with Robert. I tell her to watch a new show, and she ignores it. Robert says the same, and she watches it.
I say, “Let’s go on a mini trip and do a wine tasting;” she agrees but never follows through or brings it up, unless I put in an effort to plan. Robert says the same, and she starts planning everything.
I’ve decided not to worry about it anymore.
This happens every time she has a new partner/fbuddy. I’m over it.
I fear I might be the jerk because when it was brought up and she tried to say I was being shady, I told her, “It’s not my fault you get preoccupied with intimate encounters and only want to do stuff with men.
I’m not going to wait for you to break up and be in your single era again.” Your priorities clearly lie in seeking intimate encounters, and I’ve adjusted accordingly.
She got very mad and said I’m just bitter over being single/never having a partner (I won’t deny it, but I also have other friends in relationships who are able to do stuff without me, without their partners, and friends in relationships with whom I can hang out, and their partners, no issue; it’s just her).
I said that’s true, but at the end of the day, she ends up just as single as I am after seeing someone crappy men, so what’s the difference?
All our conversations since have been tension-fueled passive aggressiveness. We have a mutual friend group, so we see each other quite a bit.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She kept blowing you off for a new guy but did everything with him (trips, shows, etc.). You did your own thing, and boom, she’s mad? She can get over it. Sounds like you need to just sit back and see if she calls or texts.
Be cordial, but not overly enthusiastic. Don’t make plans. She can handle that if she wants to get together. Preoccupied with intimate encounters is my new favorite word for this, so thanks, OP.” ChicagoWhiteSox35
Another User Comments:
“If this is a pattern with her, it won’t stop since she doesn’t see a problem.
I feel like you could’ve addressed this with her sooner and focused on the friendship instead of her seeing someone. Maybe you did, and didn’t mention. Basically, saying she’s seeing someone crappy men and focusing on intimate encounters will only make her defensive. Instead, you could have reached out and said that you value your friendship, but her actions don’t reflect that, and you are hurt and miss her as a friend.
If she denies and continues her behavior, you tried. Basically, you chose a low blow comment, so she did as well. She doesn’t sound like a good friend. She doesn’t seem to invest any energy in the friendship—no spending quality time, no reaching out.
You might be better off seeing her for who she is and then adjusting your expectations. Maybe you come to the conclusion that the friendship has run its course and you don’t need that in your life, or you accept that she is only available when single and match her energy.
Certainly don’t count on her for things you want to do; do them with someone else or by yourself and enjoy! Maybe one day she realizes that dropping friends for a relationship is not good, but she’s clearly not there yet.” SweetNothings12
Another User Comments:
“ESH. So surprised at all the NTJ comments. Your friend is pretty awful, and you should not wait for her to travel or make plans if she keeps blowing you off. But I kind of feel like you knew what you were doing when you chose to travel with her partner’s ex of all people.
Like, was there really no one else you wanted to travel with? I can’t help but feel that this is not a coincidence but a choice you made to deliver a sort of dig at her, and that was confirmed when you ranted about her being preoccupied with intimate encounters.
If you are traveling and doing what you want, why do you even feel the need to go back at this person and tear them down? You seem very bothered by her, and you’re giving the entire issue way too much energy at this point.
Move on, and enjoy traveling.” YearOneTeach
4. AITJ For Wanting My Cousin To Leave The House That My Grandma Gave Me?
“I (25) have a house in my name that my grandma gave to me because she didn’t want either my brother or my dad to have it.
I took legal ownership of the house at 18, and when I turned 24, I wanted to move to the house with my partner. My cousin on my mom’s side was living there for almost 10 years, paying little to no rent. I asked my parents to talk to him about moving out.
Long story short, they gave him one year to move out. I wasn’t okay with it, but the house was renovated by my dad, and even though the house was mine, I didn’t feel like the full owner.
Well, the year passed and I talked with my parents about the house and we talked with my cousin too; he agreed to move out on the first day of December.
The months passed and he didn’t give any indication of moving out. I talked to him and he told me that he had to buy a new PC for his job, so I gave him a little more time. Time passed again and he still didn’t move out.
I kept talking to him and he gave me more excuses.
Last week, I talked to him again and he told me that he was having a very hard time because of money and that he couldn’t find homes within his price range. I sent him a lot of listings, and his response was to block me.
Time passed and he avoided me like I was the plague. Today, I talked to him again with my dad, and he told me that I had harassed him and that he doesn’t want to talk to me again because I was too insistent on him moving out.
AITJ because I want him to honor his word? He had a whole year to save money or something and now he’s doing this? The main problem is that my parents didn’t make him sign a contract, and my mom could very well have big problems with his siblings because I want him to leave.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ at all. This is fully your house. There is a reason your grandmother gave YOU the house. He has had 10 years living there previously and had an entire year to save up, knowing he had to leave. You not only gave him extra leniency, but you sent him listings.
His response was to block and avoid you. Even if there was no contract, he and others knew he was supposed to move out. You could have him removed for trespassing. I would look into squatters’ rights in your area. He will never move out until you make him.
He is either financially very irresponsible or doesn’t want to have to start paying rent. Regardless, he definitely doesn’t respect you. He can start paying rent and become a roommate in another house. There are several people out there looking for roommates if the cost of renting an apartment or house is too much.
He’s a grown adult.
You are NTJ and you have full ownership over the house. It doesn’t matter if there were renovations made; those were very kind. But they are crossing your boundaries and not only violating your space but also the space of your partner.
I would look into those squatters’ rights, as he may have some legal ability to stay depending on where you live—for example, 30 days. You would file something and then he would be given 30 days to move out. If there are no squatters’ rights, then I would just give him a week or two.
He has zero respect for you. If this causes issues with your mom and her siblings, the blame should be on the cousin. Is there seriously no family member he can mooch off of? If they’re going to point fingers at you, why can’t they take him in?
You can also contact the siblings and say that this is your choice to keep your mother out of it. You’re a grown adult and he’s a grown adult. He’s very entitled. I understand the housing market isn’t terrific right now, but there are rooms he can rent for cheap.
You won’t be throwing him out on the streets. It is his financial responsibility, especially after a YEAR. He also should have savings having lived rent-free or close to it for 10 years. If he doesn’t, that’s his fault for not saving properly.” bluebloodmoon22
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You are the legal owner of the house. You will need to take the required steps to evict him formally. It will cost a few hundred dollars in fees. Research tenancy law in your state, province, or country for the procedure.
He doesn’t have a lease, so depending on the law in your area, you may be able to serve him with a seven-day ‘notice to quit’ letter, which is the first step in evicting someone, as soon as you can type one up. Most likely, it will get to the point where he has to be removed by the police after you obtain an eviction order from the court.
He had the gift of no rent or cheap rent for a decade. He could have saved his money toward a down payment on his own house, but he didn’t. The main problem that you have is that you have been housing this relative for a decade, which kept him from being a problem for the rest of the family.
He’s going to need a place to go, and no one wants to take him in. This is the main reason that our mother’s relatives will be angry. Look into social services and shelters for him. It’s not harassment if he is not living up to his end of the deal. That he had to buy a PC for work is suspicious.” No_Philosopher_1870
Another User Comments:
“If you have legal ownership, then no one can take the house from you, provided that you are being responsible for it. Look up your landlord’s tenancy laws for your area. Call or email them if you have questions. Still confused? Hire a lawyer who specializes in tenancy.
In most cases, you or someone acting on your behalf needs to issue an eviction notice in accordance with the tenancy act. From there, you need to follow all the steps, as if you screw up, it can bite you in the butt. Don’t screw around.
It sounds like your family doesn’t have your best interests at heart in helping you. So you need to take ownership of this and get it done. And get it done right, or you’ll be even worse off than you are now.” Sunnyok85
3. AITJ For Asking A Fellow Passenger To Move His Carry-On?
“I was flying business class (non-pods) from California to Canada (6-hour flight). I only brought my laptop bag for easy access to my electronics. When I got to my aisle seat, however, I noticed that the window seat passenger had placed his carry-on bag in front of my seat instead of his.
I asked him if he could move his bag to the seat in front of him, and he replied that there wasn’t enough space for him because he’s tall. He told me, “You just have a suitcase, so what’s the big deal about putting it in the overhead bin?” I told him, “No. I want easy access to my laptop and would like to use the space in front of me.” As this encounter was occurring, other passengers started agreeing with him and saying that I was being unreasonable!
I told him, “Why do you get access to the space in front of you, instead of me, when we both paid for business class seats?”
Things started to get heated, and I was about to call over the flight attendant; eventually, he moved his bag.
I was shocked that the other passengers agreed with him!
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, can’t believe people agreed with him. Although when I was flying with my 6- and 8-year-olds, someone put a small carry-on suitcase in front of my 6-year-old, saying she doesn’t need much room and that there is no room in the overhead bins.
She didn’t even ask me, but then also said my daughter should cross her legs because she doesn’t want me to rest her legs on it since it has fragile items in it. I told her to move it, and a person behind us said I was being unreasonable.
My daughter might not take up as much room, but I paid the same price for her ticket as everyone else. I told the person behind me to put it in front of them if they felt like helping out so much. Don’t stress about it, OP.
You haven’t done anything wrong.” sandgroper_westie
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, y’all are in business class, which means early boarding. He could have put his own crap in the overhead. When you purchase a seat that has under-the-seat space in front of it, that space is yours.
Literally, no one has the right to take it. When the overhead is full, they still let you bring your personal item to put under the seat unless you’re in a bulkhead or an exit row (and even then, they typically get priority in the overhead above their seats).
It sucks that airplanes are uncomfortable for tall people, but that’s his problem to manage, not anyone else’s.” Arctic_Puppet
Another User Comments:
“NTJ at all, that’s extremely weird of that guy and the other passengers, and I will share with all of y’all the Magic Words for this or any other kind of ridiculous situation you may find yourself in… Although it’s our natural instinct to explain and discuss with other humans what our reasons are for things, those interactions are reserved for situations where it’s personal. This was not a personal discussion; it was business.
He had no business putting his crap in your space without asking, no business trying to push you to keep it there for him, and the other people involved certainly had no business having big fat opinions. What the heck? The Magic Words are: “I am not comfortable with that.
No, I’m not comfortable with that. Remove your luggage from my space/I will not trade seats/your child may not play with my iPad, whatever – I am not comfortable with that.” And just keep repeating that crap, and they will quickly get the message.
When you talk with entitled people like the person in this scenario, they only interpret your reasons as justification to keep debating, hoping to pressure you into caving in. I am not comfortable with that. No, I don’t care to explain; I am simply not comfortable.
Shall I call over the flight attendant? It is the super polite and socially acceptable way to say screw off. I am not doing this with you. They get that message much quicker.” maeryclarity
2. AITJ For Beating My Partner's Brother In A Game When He Started Insulting Me?
“When I would visit my partner’s house, I would sometimes play games with her little brother, who is 12. When I played competitive games against him, I would normally let him win (Call of Duty, etc.).
I was visiting again a few days ago, and her little brother had two of his friends over, and I overheard him talking about me.
He was telling them how bad I was at games, and it must mean that I have a cognitive impairment to be so bad (he used more offensive language). He said my partner must be stupid to be with me too. I could hear his friends laughing about it.
It was quite hurtful as I had tried to be friendly with him.
A bit later, I said to him, “Want to play some games, buddy?” and he acted polite, but I could see his friends laughing to themselves. I played Call of Duty against him and did not go easy.
His friends were now laughing at him, and he was on the verge of tears before he stormed off to his room.
My partner wasn’t happy. Later, in the car, she accused me of deliberately making her brother cry. I told her I wasn’t trying to do that; I just didn’t like how he was talking about me or her.
AITJ? She said he is just a kid, and I should have just left it.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Children being mollycoddled is the problem here. They shouldn’t be shielded from things like not winning, they need to learn how to deal with those emotions.
A 12-year-old storming off to his room is a bit sad, a 25-year-old doing it is just bad. He got a bit full of himself and he was brought down a peg or two. He will get over it, and hopefully he will learn something from it.” alien_overlord_1001
Another User Comments:
“My oldest daughter (8) likes to play a specific racing game. I dust her as hard as I can. No quarter, no mercy, no going easy. She would get sideways now and then but get excited about second. She started getting a lot better recently after figuring out a couple of techniques by watching.
She beat me yesterday. Straight up. I have never been so proud of losing, and I told her how awesome she was and how far she has come. She was on cloud 9 all day because she knew without a shadow of a doubt that she bested me.
I even got a little smack talk… which made me giggle. On that note, I need to go practice; she is just going to keep getting better, and I have to at least make it a challenge. My reign is coming to an end.” Fungiblefaith
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It is one thing if you had let him win, and he did so gracefully. It became something else when he not only trash-talked you but even made personal comments about you and your personal life (like why your partner was with you).
Like you said, you had tried to be friendly with him, but he betrayed that for no other reason than to puff himself up in front of his friends. Your partner was wrong – you should not have just left it. Her brother learned a valuable lesson about treating people with respect and dignity.
After all, if he had not been so rude, not only would you have not beaten him so badly that day, but you would have allowed him to keep the illusion that he was better than you at Call of Duty, and he could have saved face in front of his friends.” bamf1701
1. AITJ For Refusing To Sleep In The Basement When Relatives Stayed?
“I (16M) have been told by my parents that I need to sleep in the basement to accommodate my younger cousins who are sleeping over for a week.
My relatives have recently moved to where we are and they are still settling in. My family decided to help them by letting them stay over for a week or so. Our house isn’t that big, so I don’t know why my parents even decided that.
And FYI, I am an only child.
So it happens: they settle in our house, but the problem is that literally the entire house is cramped at this point. Luggage and bags are everywhere; my uncle and aunt are sleeping in the living room; my cousin, who’s around the same age as me, is sleeping in a small one-person DIY guest bedroom (it’s just a small unused room that barely has any space); and my two younger cousins are going to be sleeping in my room.
Now, my room is also pretty small when combined with my desk, bed, closet, and more. Only two people can sleep in it, so my parents asked me to sleep in the basement and my aunt and uncle agreed.
I flat out refused. Our basement isn’t the worst, but it’s dusty and cold in there.
And even if I had, I would have had to sleep on an uncomfortable mattress with nothing but a thin blanket and probably a pillow, which would have been extremely uncomfortable. I wouldn’t want my younger cousins to go through that too, but it was MY bedroom.
I asked if I could sleep in my parents’ room instead, but as I said, every room in our house is pretty small; my parents’ room is also filled with the different stuff they had when they moved.
My parents got kind of upset with me, and we had an argument.
It ended with me going over to a friend’s house and sleeping there for the entire week that my relatives were there.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, you solved the problem. Just remember when this continues to come up to say something like: The house was filled to over capacity, I was expected to make all the concessions (being shoved in a cold damp basement) and since no one else wanted to sleep down there, even though it was apparently good enough for me, or I should be the only person exiled, I made arrangements to sleep somewhere else for the week.
WHY are you mad at me? Then they will call you rude, because that is what happens when you call someone out for their bad behavior. At that comment, you simply say I see. Then walk away.” Tinkerpro
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I hated that crap.
Parents would volunteer my room to relatives when they came to visit when I was a kid. I had to share a bed with my mom. And I hated it. I get helping out. But your parents are idiots for cramming more people into an already small house.
Parents or Aunt/Uncle should have slept in the basement and you take their space. Goes to show that they would rather sacrifice your comfort because they can. If they won’t sleep in the basement, why should you have to? And before anyone says, “it’s family, it’s only for a week.” Forcing someone to sleep in the cold basement because relatives are staying over is a freaking stupid idea.
At least you have a good friend and their family looking out for you.” shadowneko003
Another User Comments:
“Let me guess – for the week that you’re evicted from your room and don’t have access to your proper work/study space, and the house is full of noise and distractions, you’re still expected to stay fully on top of all your school work.
While imposing this expectation, Dad will use the excuse “I still have to work, so I need my space/sleep” to justify keeping his room. NTJ. In the same situation, where I was a guest, I would absolutely insist on the host family not being displaced, and this would have been communicated clearly beforehand.
In the situation where I was the host, this would have been discussed with my kids and an appropriate accommodation agreed upon ahead of time.” Rye_One_
