People Want To Make Sure They're Not At Fault In Their "Am I The Jerk?" Stories
19. AITJ For Calling The Police On My Partner's Uncle?
“I live with my partner’s family and last week my partner’s parents and little brother went on holiday. My partner and I were left to look after the dogs and the house which is fine. Except for one problem.
My partner’s uncle, we will call him T.
T is not a good person. He is incredibly inappropriate. The first time I met this man, he told me to get in the kitchen and make him food as a woman should.
He made some other comments of the same caliber for 15 minutes before he was told to leave the house by my partner’s father. This sort of harassment has continued for the last year.
The main problem is whenever my partner’s parents go on vacation, he shows up uninvited and always shows up wasted. I obviously do not want him in the house which has sparked multiple arguments with my partner’s mother.
I also have had to threaten him to get him to stay away from me.
My partner’s parents went on vacation last week. Before they left, they told T to not come around while they were away. He didn’t listen.
He showed up on Saturday (16th April) uninvited. We didn’t know what to do considering he wouldn’t listen to us telling him to leave. So we called my partner’s mother and she had to sternly tell him to leave over the phone.
While on the phone with her, I said if he shows up again, I’m ringing the police. After that, he did leave, but he would return on Tuesday.
I kept my word, the moment he rang the doorbell, I dialed 999.
He tried to access the house from the garden because I didn’t answer the front door. The moment he heard the police were on the way, he bolted. I spoke to the policewoman and they gave him a warning to not come back – which worked. He hasn’t come back since.
My partner’s mother was not happy he showed up again, but she was also angry at me for ringing the police because, in her eyes, she could’ve resolved the issue, which isn’t true. If she could stop him from coming round just by saying they don’t want him there, he wouldn’t have come back or come round at all.
The entire week I had been paranoid and felt unsafe knowing he would come back. I was running on 4 hours of sleep for 2 days.
So am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
Why are you the one having to sort out this stressful situation?
Your partner and his parents are doing the least and it’s not fair on you.
T is a creep and seemingly a heavy drinker, and more should be done to protect you from his behavior, and let’s not forget that his trying to get into the house from the back is an attempt at breaking and entering.
Good for you for calling the police and getting a formal warning in place for him.
As for the mother, I wouldn’t be surprised if she has also dealt with T’s misogyny and creepy behavior for a long time, but this doesn’t remove the fact that your partner, partner’s parents, and T are the jerks in this situation.” TastyDragonfruit3000
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
The guy’s mother was coddling her brother, and no doubt badmouthing you to him on the sly, telling him that it was okay to keep abusing you by not enforcing boundaries.
Uncle here knows that the police won’t tolerate his garbage and he’ll end up with a record.” ComprehensiveSir3892
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. He knows exactly what he’s doing. He only shows up to harass you when the parents are gone. And your partner’s mother is wrong. He was harassing you and you didn’t feel safe. You had every right to seek help from the police.
It’s a lot harder for him to ignore them than to ignore her.” ComprehensiveBand586
18. AITJ For Not Talking To My Annoying Brother?
“My (16M) dad has been encouraging me to talk to my depressed, autistic brother (18M). The thing is, I don’t want to, and I have my reasons for this.
My brother is not the best person in our family. He just recently got diagnosed with autism and has meds for his depression. He has problems with spending, as he tends to order online when he has no money.
He ends up asking our parents for money, and they give him money, at least, until recently. They stopped giving him allowance just a few months ago because they were conscious about how much he’s spending (it’s equivalent to around 500 USD a month).
Because they stopped giving him an allowance, he resorted to stealing coins. He stole coins from my mother’s own wallet and the funds she earned for business. He even stole from me when my wallet was unattended. When my dad confronts him about it, he cries and says that he should just die.
He screams at my dad about how no one cares about him. It takes a while but our dad calms him down and takes the money back in exchange for him giving my brother allowance from his own pockets.
This has happened multiple times. He even went to our grandmother to ask for money (he only goes to her when he wants something) and she’s too nice to refuse.
He is also very loud. He talks to himself often but his volume is loud and mildly annoying to me.
I tell him to keep it down but he never listens. And so I have to deal with him screaming all the time. When he talks to me, he also screams. It is because of him that I feel scared and anxious when someone screams at me or around me.
I can’t defend myself because he just screams to get his way and I’m not the type to encourage conflict so I just keep quiet.
I once turned off the PC and he screamed at me for it because he was going to use it.
I have recently distanced him from my mental health because he makes me feel stressed. Even as I’m doing that he still makes me feel stressed because he screams when he talks to himself. He’s taking advantage of our parents’ lenience toward his actions to keep abusing what he can do.
Our parents can’t exactly discipline him because he doesn’t listen to either of them and he reacts negatively. He says sorry whenever he steals and gets confronted about it but he doesn’t seem to mean it and steals more stuff still.
Recently, he stole funds again to pay for his online purchases and argued with my dad when he tried to take the money back. It was then my dad asked me to talk to him as much as I can because we are family and I apparently have to take responsibility for him and his actions.
I think should be more understanding of his situation so am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
I’m autistic. Sometimes I have reactions to things that I can’t control. That doesn’t mean I’m not accountable for the consequences of those reactions, whether they hurt others or hurt me.
And it doesn’t mean I’m not responsible for trying to do my best to find healthy ways to manage more destructive behaviors that are wired in the intersection between autism and trauma.
Situations like this are never black and white where autism = a get-out-of-jail-free card for not making any effort on behalf of the people around you.
Your brother has the cognitive capacity to make purchases, to ask for things, etc.–which means he has the cognitive capacity to be conscious of his behavior patterns and try to implement coping mechanisms so he’s not harming others.
As neurodivergent people, we have every right to ask our family and friends to understand that we don’t function the same way as neurotypical people, don’t communicate the same way, and don’t always have the same capacity. We do not have the right to forget that as humans, we live in a collaborative society that asks everyone to make certain concessions in order to maintain cohesive social function, and we need to try to cope where we can vs.
giving up and just screaming all over people.
And you are not obligated to dismiss your stress and trauma because he’s autistic. The effects of long-term exposure to his behavior do not automatically wipe away and stop impacting you because they were caused by an autistic person.
Sometimes people push this damaging mindset of ‘If you really understood my disability, the hurtful things I do wouldn’t hurt you.’ That’s not only super toxic, but it’s also wrong.
Your brother is in the wrong. He’s behaving badly.
And it is not your responsibility to somehow prevent him from that when your parents had 18 years to teach him that stealing is wrong, and so are screaming tantrums.
At this point, he needs professional intervention from a therapist to start teaching him healthier behavior.
You are not a therapist.
This is not on you.” ColloidalSylver
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
I’m autistic (Asperger syndrome) and your brother needs professional help. His behavior is beyond acceptable if I did that my dad would be furious.
He need help or he will not be able to live on his own. I don’t know where you live but if he doesn’t improve he could have to care home in his adulthood.
Talking to himself is normal I do that too.
But he needs to learn to talk without yelling if possible there is a difference depending on where on the spectrum you are.
Also if he screams at you for turning the PC off again because he was going to use it later tell him, ‘I’m sorry I didn’t know that you have to tell me this because I can’t read your mind.’
Anyway, good luck to you and I hope things gets better.” ExcitingCattle925
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
I realize that two years seems like forever, but just avoid him until you can get out of the house.
And since he has a theft addiction, I’d suggest doing a lot of ‘planning’ and ‘anticipating’ cool things you’d like to get, even maybe making up scrapbook(s) of your research on such cool items, but don’t buy anything you don’t need to, and get cheap versions he couldn’t steal and sell.
If you do want something cool, try going on a trip for memories, since those can’t be stolen.
If he decides to make fun of you for that (COUNT on it), just tell him that you’ll get nice stuff when you have your own place so he can’t STEAL it, and you’re willing to be patient.
It’ll set him off, but he has to take responsibility for himself rather than victimizing all those around him he can, and AT LEAST you can radically reduce his ability to victimize YOU.
Any cool stuff you HAVE to have (sports uniforms/gear, varsity jacket, etc) should be put into a very secure, double-locked steamer trunk.
Even better, hide the steamer trunk. Or get a small space at a storage facility (still with two different kinds of lock).
It’s crappy that such is necessary, but right now it’s all about enduring and managing the situation until you can escape.” ComprehensiveSir3892
17. AITJ For Telling My Story?
“I am a 25-year-old Indian woman. I have two older brothers (38 and 24). I was married off at 18 to my ex-husband (he was 26 then). My parents had to give less dowry (a payment, such as property or money, paid by the bride’s family to the groom or his family at the time of marriage) as my in-laws wanted to marry off ex in a hurry.
After marriage, all I had to do was cook a meal, stay with my MIL during the day and sleep with my husband at night. Then I found out my husband was having an affair with his long-term partner.
I told MIL, I was asked to ignore it or make sure he loved me so he would not stray. His partner got married, and the husband started sleeping with everyone that he could and drinking. I was blamed for his behavior.
After 2 years we realized I was not getting pregnant, and could not get pregnant. I’m not gonna lie, I was relieved. My in-laws were not. Nobody would talk to me, I spent my days in silence.
My mother was happy I was married off, she did not care for my problems. My father could not care less as his responsibility was done.
Then my father passes away. My older brother moved back to India. I saw him after my wedding for the first time.
My father’s business is now being handled by my brothers. I have not left any inheritance or shares, but my brothers gave me part of theirs and said I should divorce my husband.
My older brother came to my house and created a huge scene and took me to his home. I lived there till my divorce was finalized. I have been divorced for a year now.
My brothers bought me a nice apartment to live in, my SILs are very nice.
But I am a failure, I have no brains. All I do is watch dramas, cook twice a day, and go to the mall. I tried going out with people but got harassed by a man who found out I was a rich divorcee.
I sometimes am invited to get-togethers of the community. I do not mince my words when I talk about my husband or my mother. My husband and FIL had requested me to keep quiet about divorce, but I went ahead and told everyone I met.
When people ask me why I stayed in that situation for so long, I tell them that my mother tattled on me to my husband when I told her what was going on. She gave her husband and in-laws permission to take away my phone and to limit my movements.
My in-laws are suffering because I am running my mouth, and my mother cannot face anyone in our family. She has not been to any function in the last 8 months. My mother and in-laws are calling me a jerk for being shameless.
I do not know how wrong or right I am.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
Time to look after yourself. Get enrolled in a community college or the equivalent where you live. Build your self-esteem. See if you can get a job.
The thing to do now is to decide how you are going to move forward and deal with these people anymore. I imagine there are cultural issues at play here, so I don’t know what to advise there.
If you can put the marriage and these people behind you, it might be best for you. Your in-laws brought their suffering on themselves. Your mother seems to be suffering because she did not support you, the question is whether she feels bad about not being on your side or people finding out that she was not on your side.
Your brothers and SIL sound wonderful. You’ll be fine. Don’t be so hard on yourself.” stropette
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and you did nothing wrong plus you are telling the truth. Shame on your mother and your ex-husband and they are the real jerks here.
I do not believe you are brainless and please do not believe anyone telling you that. No, you are not a failure either and there is nothing wrong with you. You may be a divorcee but you are a free woman all thanks to your brothers.
Free away from your useless ex-husband and the in-laws. Consider that the divorce is a second chance for you to start life anew and take control of your life where you can finally allow yourself to grow and make up for whatever time you lost all because you got married young at 18.
Have you thought of seeing a therapist or a counselor help you heal? A counselor or therapist would be helpful for you to unload any emotional baggage you have. With a bit of resources, you got thanks to your brothers, you can spend a bit of the money to go for courses and classes to enrich your mind and develop new skills.
I wish you all the best and again NTJ.” KangarooOk2190
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and you are not a failure. Not all intelligence is the same. You were able to recognize how terrible your situation was and know that your life is worth more than how you were being treated. You neither owe those people anything nor should you feel guilty about it.
You are able to have a good sibling relationship and are not hesitant to speak out about how people behaved towards you, which may in turn help someone else feel brave enough to acknowledge their own situation.
You were married off at a young age but you clearly have interests, and with what is available on the internet nowadays if there is a subject you like or a program you want to learn about you have every ability to do so.
The brain can adapt and you are still very young and don’t have to feel like you’re missing something.” cato314
16. AITJ For Being Mad At My Mom For Announcing My Pregnancy?
“I (24F) am 12 weeks pregnant and this is my first pregnancy. I have known that I was pregnant for a while, however, I was in denial, and my family suffers from fertility issues.
I actually tested when I was 8 weeks and was later confirmed by my midwife.
I told my husband (32M) first, and then I called my mother. She was ecstatic. She is so excited and that is why I have been so lenient with her in the last 4 weeks.
However, I have learned that she majorly overstepped and it has really upset me.
My grandmother is my favorite person and she was the one person that I wanted to tell myself. My mum begged me to tell her sooner so she could talk about it, even promising me that she would let me tell her.
This is not my mother’s parent but her in-law. Just for context.
Long story short, she didn’t keep her promise. When I told my gran she teared up and congratulations us however, I just knew that something was off.
She knew. After prodding more, she confirmed that my mother told her days prior. I was crushed.
When confronting my mother, she said that my gran seemed down that day and that she was worried about my grandmother’s mental health, but I don’t think that is an excuse.
My friends understand why I’m upset but said this is not the hill to die on.
So… AITJ?
EDIT – UPDATE
My husband and I lost our son back in May at 16 weeks. We are heartbroken but we are getting on with life.
This whole experience has changed my life and my relationship with my mother.
My husband and I are not going to be trying again until the new year and my mom will be the last to find out when we are expecting again.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
You’re absolutely right, the ‘gran seemed down that day’ is a nonsense story your mother tells herself to try and justify her breaching your trust – that is exactly what she did. She betrayed your trust. This absolutely is the hill to die on – is she going to rush and blab information to your child too (ooh, he/she seemed sad that day so I had to tell them x, y & z even though I specifically said I wouldn’t; I know it was supposed to be surprise party/treat/vacation/outing, etc. but you know – me, me, me – my needs come first. Your mother is a giant jerk.
When she asks in the future ‘how come I didn’t know about this or that’ you can tell her – because I can’t trust you!” yesnomaybe123
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
And now you need consequences. Your mom will be the last to find out the gender, the last to find out about the birth.
The last to find out about the name.
And when she starts whining, you tell her that it’s because she betrayed your trust about the announcement. The last to learn of any and all future pregnancies. Better yet, tell the people you tell before her that it’s okay for them to discuss with your mom.
Let her find out from other people.
Let her be the last family member of immediate relatives who get to meet the baby.
This is how you handle your anger.” jammy913
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your mother is just making up an excuse because she couldn’t control her own excitement.
She has overstepped, and you have every right to be mad at her. This is not a small offense. This is your first pregnancy and it’s a BIG deal. She has no right to make the announcements for you and worse: she promised not to and then still did it.
I wouldn’t turn this into a full-fledged yelling match, but I would make it very clear that she crossed a line and if it happens again there would be consequences.” TrainingDearest
15. AITJ For Being Mad At My Wife For Buying A New Mattress?
“My wife and I (28m and 26f) have been married for over two years now.
We both have promising careers but neither of us is making a ton of money yet; we’ve been largely living paycheck to paycheck since we got together.
We’ve been sleeping on a way too old mattress and box spring since we got married that she inherited from some family member, and we’ve both been complaining about it.
My side in particular has had a bad spring which was constantly digging into my side or lower back. We’ve both been researching mattresses and have agreed that we need to buy something new and better as soon as we are able.
So, anyway, a couple of weeks ago, I went back home to attend my cousin’s wedding. My wife wasn’t able to go because she couldn’t get off work. When I got home, my wife told me to go look in the bedroom.
When I went, I saw a new mattress on top of a new adjustable frame. It was wrapped in a red ribbon. My wife followed me in and said ‘Ta-da!’ When I asked her what was going on she told me that she had been slowly socking away funds from her paychecks to buy a new bed and that she had gone ahead and bought a nice, new, hybrid mattress with an adjustable frame so that we could watch TV in bed together.
She seemed really excited about it.
I, however, wasn’t happy. I told her that a mattress was a major purchase and that we should have decided together to make sure that it was something that we both liked. She said that she was really disappointed in my response and that she’d wanted to surprise me by saving up her own funds and buying something nice that we needed and that she’d thought I’d be happy.
She said that surely the new bed was better than the old one and that I should just be grateful to be sleeping on something better since I didn’t have to put any money in. But I think it was a major purchase and she should have talked to me first, even if she did use her own funds.”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. On the financial side, she did a very nice thing, and you should appreciate that. BUT as someone who is on our 3rd mattress in as many years, YOU NEEDED TO TRY OUT THE MATTRESS YOURSELF FIRST!
There are so many different types available now and they can be very different. What my husband thinks is comfortable, I do not. While I know she meant well, it was all a loss if she bought something that you can’t get a good night’s sleep on.
Hopefully, she bought something that you had previously tried out and were considering.
For those who still don’t get it, it’s like someone else buying you a pair of shoes that you never tried on. Just because it’s in your size doesn’t mean it will fit.” TrainingDearest
Another User Comments:
“YTJ.
Grow up, OP. She did you a favor, took initiative to get something to benefit both of you and this is what you have to say about it. She buys it with HER funds, doesn’t come asking for half the $ or anything like that and you don’t thank her, you just belittle her lol.
You don’t like the new mattress? Feeling like you should’ve had some say? Go dig the old one out of the trash and die on that hill. Let your wife sleep in peace on the new mattress.
You sound like a child OP. ‘Well I know I wanted a bed but I wanted to pick it’. Grow up. Apologize to your wife. Thank her for purchasing the bed and frame and getting it all set up for you.
Then apologize again for acting like an entitled child. YTJ YTJ YTJ” unknowncomet73
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. I’m very surprised at the number of people saying YTJ. Yes, you should show appreciation to your wife for taking initiative and purchasing a life-changing upgrade, but as many other people have said, mattresses are very personal, and, seeing as you are going to be spending a third of your foreseeable future on this bed, should be a decision you both made together.
That being said, your wife was clearly proud of herself for taking the initiative and you might have wanted to take some of those social cues and reciprocate that excitement, even if it’s solely in regards to not sleeping on a garbage mattress anymore.
Most mattresses have a 90-day trial period, so you could have tested it out and formulated an actual opinion before expressing disapproval – at which point you could have returned the mattress and chosen something that would work for both of you.
Regardless, your wife was clearly excited to demonstrate a large romantic gesture, and it is something that you two have discussed before. I understand where you’re coming from, but try the mattress out prior to expressing unhappiness, and express some gratitude towards your wife for taking both the physical and financial initiative to make a significant life upgrade for the both of you.” fullmetal-13
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. You can’t tell how comfortable a bed will be until a few weeks to a month in when your body gets used to the new support. Regardless of which bed they purchased they have to figure that out after the checkout line.
OP’s wife stopped the foot-dragging with her own funds and obviously did so in love. OP could also have handled it so much better. Be happy, then if it’s uncomfortable say something then. That way it’s the mattresses not you having the issue.
Regardless, seems OP is more concerned about their wife spending her own money than her feelings.” krenotenze
14. AITJ For Not Staying At My Grandma's Wedding?
“My nan’s first husband (my bio grandad) passed away a few years ago, we’re talking 5+. well, she got engaged at Christmas and is getting married in September, and I’m very happy for her!
But the thing is, she’s getting married on my birthday.
The reason I’m so upset is that I’ve never had a real birthday (apart from my 18TH). I have a narcissistic father who always made me cry on my birthday, I’ve never had a party and I’ve never had a single birthday be a happy one, the only difference being my 18TH as it was fully controlled by my friends who threw me a party hours away from my family.
My nan and I have always been close, we get along well and she’s probably my favorite non-immediate relative, but here’s where I started to feel betrayed. She messaged my mother saying ‘keep the day free!’ With the date of her wedding, but the date was my birthday.
My mum was taken aback and said, ‘well the girls have that day booked off as it’s OP’s birthday’ and she said ‘great! I’m glad it’s free.’ This is my last birthday as a teen and I was really hoping for it to be special.
After discussing with my parents and showing how upset I am, I said I was going to leave shortly after the ceremony and then go celebrate my birthday with my friends, I’ve been told this is very disrespectful and that I should stay for the entire wedding.
My dad is angry that I won’t stay, and my mum (who I adore) is also upset and wants me to stay. My sisters were originally with me and said we could leave and celebrate but have since decided that it’s rude and that I should stay.
(I’m unable to celebrate the day before or after) So, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. Is it essential to celebrate on the DAY of your birthday? Why not just the following weekend? Trust me, your Nan won’t be around forever, or your parents and these special occasions can become special memories.
There will be many more birthdays, but only one wedding for your Nan. While I understand that it’s upsetting, these things happen. Yes, she could have been a bit more sensitive about the date, but it can be hard to get venues, etc. Plus at her age, I don’t imagine she ever expected to get married again.
She’s probably beyond excited.
On the day of my 21st birthday, I had to attend the funeral of my aunt who died of leukemia. My dad died three days before my 40th. Birthdays can be special but not as special as your loved ones.
Try putting your Nan’s happiness first for one day. And then ask her to celebrate your birthday with you on another day. This way, you can both feel special.” Light-Dragon888
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
I’d first confirm DIRECTLY with your nan that she was told it was your birthday.
With your folks saying that discussing it with her would be ‘disrespectful’, I would bet they DIDN’T tell her, and lied to you about it, as one more act of abuse against you.
If your nan is fine with getting married on your birthday, tell her that while you love her, you’ll be living around your same-age friends a LOT longer, so you’ll be spending the day with them.
It’s a little brutal, but so is getting married on your birthday heedless of how your parents have ruined your birthdays your entire life to date.
If she can make choices that overrule previous appointments, then you have the right to choose to keep your previous commitment.” ComprehensiveSir3892
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here, but this is kinda immature. You’ll have lots of birthdays but not a nan for the rest of your life. You’ll also find that when you get older, very few, including you, care about your birthday.
Most of us miss our grandparents though.” jennythom20
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, I don’t see anything wrong with you leaving afterward. You are supporting her by attending, but you are also fulfilling your birthday wishes by doing you.
It’s a great compromise, I don’t understand why they have a problem with it. Unless they are planning to surprise you with a cake there, but it doesn’t even sound like they are going to acknowledge your birthday.
I think you should do what you think is best. It’s your birthday have fun and enjoy your day!” Potential-Thought253
And for a soon to be adult, you sound immature.
13. AITJ For Not Changing My Shirt?
“My (36f) sister has a high superstitious belief like she has tons of collection of crystals to which she believe gives her energy from different types while I (25m) is the exact opposite of her.
My sister wasn’t like this before. Her belief was mild and bearable but after my brother’s passing about 4 weeks ago, her belief has become extreme. She believes that everything that’s related to the color black is bad luck.
And today I was wearing a black storm trooper shirt while I was in my room and she came in and asked me to change it while I was busy working, I told her a simple ‘no’ and continued to work.
The reason why I told her no is just that it’s a waste shirt and I’m tired of washing more clothes for tomorrow that’s all. Now she’s angry at me for refusing and ignoring her. Am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here.
She’s grieving in her own way and reaching out for support. However that doesn’t mean you need to alter every aspect of your life to accommodate it, you’re grieving too and you need the freedom to breathe while you navigate life without your brother.
Try not to be cruel to her though, definitely see if you can compromise. Maybe don’t wear black when you’re specifically out and about with your sister, but wear whatever you want when you’re in the comfort of your own home and own room.” SmthingFairlyClever
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Sister is probably trying to control what she can. In this case, she may be trying to ‘save’ her remaining sibling. She needs professional help to sort out her anger, frustration, and grief. You going along with her fixation on the moment isn’t going to help her; in fact, it may make things worse.
She can’t control everything such that no one else close to her will die, so she needs another coping mechanism.” CandylandCanada
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here.
We all deal with grief in different ways and it manifests differently for everyone.
This crystal thing might be some sort of safety blanket for her and it’s escalated because of the loss of your relative. I don’t know.
Sorry for your loss.” hey-bish
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
She can’t just go around telling people they can’t wear black shirts.
I understand she’s grieving, but that’s over the top. Tell her to go play with her crystals.” tatersprout
12. AITJ For Telling A Woman To Leash Her Dog?
“Picture a medium-sized, open playground for kids.
Then a row of benches. Then a small calisthenics park, with a row of bushes separating it from the low-traffic road. Then across the road a fenced dog park. It’s designed to be a shared space, so it’s common to have parents working out in the calisthenics area while (older) kids hang out in the playground, or have parents let the dog run in the dog park while kids play, etc. Depending on where you come from (obviously) you have to pass the playground to get to the dog park.
For what it’s worth, I’ve seen dogs both on and off leash approach the dog park, so I have no idea what the local leashing laws are.
There’s a regular lady whose dog is just badly behaved. It’s not dangerous (thankfully!) but it ‘loves kids’ and expresses this by running and jumping up on them.
I’ve seen this (unleashed) dog terrify kids and sent them running (not dangerous, but that’s impossible to tell when it’s racing towards you), straight up knock them over including a toddler on a training bike, and stand under the climbing ropes to excitedly bark at kids high out of reach.
I was sitting on the benches enjoying the sun when the dog races up to another child who screams for their mom to pick them up. Dog lady comes up after the dog, apologizing and saying ‘he just loooooooves kids so much!’ I usually don’t say anything because of not my circus, not my monkey.
I was in an off mood today tho, so I snap ‘You need to socialize your dog or leash it.’ The lady was clearly taken aback, and she says ‘I AM socializing it! What do you think I’m doing here?’ to which I reply ‘I think you’re letting your dog terrorize a bunch of children.’ She made some indignant noises, I give her my full-on witch stare, and she grabs the dog to make off towards the dog park.
I apologize to the mom for cursing in front of her kid.
I think I’m in the right that this dog needs to be leashed around kids. I don’t know anything about dogs, but I’m highly skeptical that letting it run free to bowl kids over is ‘socializing’ it.
HOWEVER it’s literally the first time ever I talked to this woman & I think snapping, cursing, and giving her the witch stare may make me the jerk. Also, again–not my circus so I could have just minded my business.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She needs to realize there is a proper way to socialize with any animal and letting it run up, knock down, and scare kids is not socializing, it is uncontrolled and dangerous. While it may not be aggressive, it is hurting small children because it hasn’t been trained.
I HATE when dog owners say ‘oh they want to say hi’ ‘they are friendly’ and ‘they love kids!’ while the dog runs like a banshee or acts out of control. NO. this dog is not trained and she/them has no owner control and likely no voice command over it as well if it does go too far.
You did the right thing, keep calling her out. Even with leash laws, you aren’t in an off-leash dog park, the dog running at large in a playground isn’t right and would be seen as an issue for the bylaw.” Cyberdyne-800
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, and if her dog seriously injures a child (and with a dog that weighs twice what a toddler does is a real possibility) she is going to get sued. This is an accident waiting to happen.
I would recommend contacting park staff and letting them know this is a persistent issue because there is a liability for them if a child is injured while in the park. Dogs should never be off-leash, except in an enclosed area like a dog park or your own backyard.” sandcounty
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, someone had to say something to this woman and you did. Perhaps this will have her think twice before she just unleashes her dog on an unsuspecting park of children. She is not socializing with her dog, she’s just being indulgent and giving him terrible habits.
No one has been hurt but it sounds like it’s a situation of when rather than if. Even if the leash laws are lax, and honestly they’re usually not but people are terrible, it’s not intended for people to have 0 control of their dogs.
You apologized to that Mom for your language so I think you can go on with a clean conscience.” Carikos
11. AITJ For Wanting To Use My IPad More Often?
“For my (15F) recent birthday, my parents got me an iPad. As I really wanted to get back into digital art, it was a great tool for helping me in terms of improvement.
However, my sister (12F) started using the iPad. It started off as a minor occurrence, then every other day, and now she uses it for 2-3 hours daily. She started neglecting her homework to use the iPad. At the moment, she has a math test and 30-40 pages of extra-curricular due this week.
She’s also stopped letting me use the iPad. The only time I get with it is about an hour a week, maybe half an hour, when my sister has music lessons. Improving at art is a long-term goal of mine; I understand it won’t change overnight, but it’s something that requires constant practice in order to improve.
As soon as my sister gets back, she demands the iPad back.
I can’t refuse her. I’ve learned my lesson, many times. Call me a people-pleaser if you want, but my sister, when she’s angry, is really a force not to be reckoned with.
She’s manipulative, a guilt-tripper, unempathetic, and just toxic in general. She likes to give ‘constructive comments’ that never make me feel better about my accomplishments.
Recently, I got mad at her for this reason. I completely lost my temper and said a few hurtful things regarding her personality, popularity, and ‘persona’ at school, and what she really is like, which I still regret.
She responded with an even harsher, ruder retort, and went on a yelling spree. Basically calling me the jerk, not letting her use the iPad (because she can’t use her phone) while I use my phone, calling me selfish, manipulative, dumb, ugly, etc. She did say that I will never improve, I will stay an ugly loser forever, and my friends will never like me again.
I did apologize to her for what I said, but I still think she had some justification to call me the jerk. So AITJ? And what can I do about this problem in general?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
First, change the passcode and don’t give it to her. Get prepared for the tantrum, and take the iPad and go to your room and don’t engage with her, and protect your valuables so she can’t destroy anything.
Simply refuse to engage with her- don’t yell, don’t keep explaining yourself, just retreat, protect your belongings in case she wants to destroy stuff, and stay calm.
Second, you have to stop letting her tantrums and bad attitude win.
She will continue to act like this because it works. And she is saying mean things because she can see that it impacts you. Don’t let what she is saying bother you- she is saying it because she gets the reaction she wants, not because it is true.
Tune her out and don’t engage.
Please stand up for yourself and you can do that by saying no, staying calm, not letting her words impact you, and not giving in when she throws a fit.” mfruitfly
Another User Comments:
“NTJ for defending your boundaries, as she’s a young child and needs boundaries consistently and rigidly enforced in order for those sorts of lessons to sink in. You should apologize for saying hurtful things to her (you don’t need to hurt her feelings in order to defend your right to use your own property), but from now on you need to stand firm and not let her use your iPad, even if it means hiding it somewhere and not using it yourself for a month.
You are young, so it’s not your responsibility to parent your little sister into understanding that her behavior is selfish, manipulative, etc. Have you brought up the issue and how it’s affecting you up with your parents?” illumikitten
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
It’s yours, you have the right to something that was gifted to you. The fact that your parents haven’t given her a time limit even though she’s neglecting her responsibilities is a problem, so I’d suggest speaking to them about it if you haven’t already.
Honestly, the closest age gap between me and my little sister is 15 years, so I don’t fully understand the power struggle between you two. What I do understand is that when I have a reasonable request, my sister turns it into a tantrum, which I can imagine is the same case here.
Hope you get everything figured out, keep pursuing your interests!” Frogdog145
10. AITJ For Not Paying For My Sister's Medical Bills?
“When I (18) was 6, I pushed my sister (16 then) down the stairs while playing hide and seek, which caused her some physical issues with her leg.
She was also diagnosed with depression afterward, although I suspected that she had always been depressed.
In the years following that, my parents had to drop all her therapists because of some poor financial decisions they made. So after Secondary School (16), I had been working to save up for my Tertiary.
A few weeks ago, my sister fell down. It wasn’t anything serious, but they wanted to monitor her because of past trauma and wanted to make sure things were okay. The staff also said that my sister probably needed to go for physical therapy again.
My parents immediately asked me for financial help. 6,000 dollars which to me is a lot. And I am already enrolled, so I cannot risk not being able to afford school.
I didn’t say no, but I talked to the doctor, and he said that he was willing to lower costs and if he just charged us for the ambulance fees and the stay in the hospital (not for the night) it would be less than 3000 (My budget).
I told my mother about this and she told me I shouldn’t prioritize my education over my sister’s well-being, and that it was my fault that she was in this state. She blamed everything on me, the injury, the depression, and the fact that she was a ‘useless’ mouth to feed, despite being nearly 30.
I tried to tell her about the workarounds but she just kept at it, until I blew up and told her that I felt like my sister had been depressed way before the incident and that she wasn’t trying her best to get well, considering it’s been more than a DECADE and she is still in the same condition as back then.
I said that she couldn’t blame me, I was a child, and that if anything, it was both my parents’ fault that they didn’t take care of us and that if she hadn’t trusted that rando with our funds, we wouldn’t be in this situation.
After I said that, I kind of regretted it because my mother started crying and my father looked at me with disappointment. But I was in that ‘angry’ state so I said that I was moving out, and went home to pack up.
My mother has been calling (I’ve been ignoring her). My father called me once and told me that he was immensely disappointed and that he raised me better. I wanted to tell him that he didn’t even raise me but I kept quiet.
My sister has not reached out to me and I’ve not reached out to her either. Maybe it’s the guilt. But my father told me that she’s still utterly miserable now.
I’ve been living with a friend and doing their housework as payment for letting me live there, and I’m grateful to my friend for not saying anything about the situation, but this is eating me alive.
Am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
Man, y’all were kids when that happened. My brother and I beat each up all the time as kids. I distinctly remember climbing a slide at the playground, and my brother being at the top, and he kicked me in the face so I wouldn’t get to the top.
Kids do hateful things to each other. And I doubt at 6 years old you understood the bad things that could have happened with a fall like that.
You don’t owe your parents anything, they should have been making proper financial decisions to keep helping your sister.
And clearly, they failed because your mom had to gall to say she was a ‘useless mouth to feed’.
Save your funds. Maybe reach out to your sister if you can, she might want to hear from you.” Emmiburr
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, lots of kids accidentally injure each other while young and playing… My sister and I are a great example, when we were about… I don’t know, maybe 7 and 3 or 8 and 4, one of the two, I was practicing playing softball, practicing swinging.
My little sister was against the fence line beside me, but far enough that she wouldn’t get hit, and I would warn her when I was about to swing.
Well, I went to swing and told her ‘stay put, I’m swinging’ I looked over and she was still sitting beside the fence, next thing I knew, tossed the ball up, went to swing, and… ‘SMACK’ right into her head, the full force behind it.
I felt awful, but there were absolutely no long-term effects, tho we both remember that one to this day. She gives me crap over it every once in a while, especially when someone says I’m nice/sweet, she’s quick to say ‘but don’t give her a baseball bat’.” immadriftersbody
9. AITJ For Letting My Significant Other Pay For My Old Phone?
“Years ago my SO’s phone was practically falling apart and she was in need desperate need of a new phone. She’s living on a minimal income so she asked if I could buy a new phone for myself so she could have the phone I was currently using.
She didn’t want to buy a new phone because the ones she wanted were all too expensive.
I wasn’t planning on buying a new phone for myself anytime soon, I just purchased a higher-end model just a year ago and was planning to keep on using it at least for another 2 years.
I’m living off a middle-class income, saving to pay off my student loan, and also saving to purchase a house, so I’m not able to spend this much on a new phone for the second year in a row.
I did want to help her out so I proposed for her to buy my current phone for a very low price. The price I proposed was basically the same as the lower-end budget phones. For this small price, she would be able to get a very nice high-end phone and for me, it wouldn’t hurt as much to buy a new one.
She wasn’t really fond of this idea and thought I was being a bit of a cheapskate but went ahead with my proposal. Later, this topic came up with different family members and all of them think I am the jerk and just should have given her my phone for free, this includes her and my parents, her siblings, and my siblings.
I think our family’s opinion really affirmed her own opinion, this happened 3 years ago but she still uses this situation sometimes if we’re having an argument about finances.
I think everyone else is completely wrong and I was even helping her out.
I could easily have said that I couldn’t afford to buy a phone just a year later after my previous purchase and that she should look for a very cheap/second-hand phone. It basically only hurt me financially because she could easily afford my proposal and she got a perfectly fine high-end phone while I had a big financial setback, even with her contribution.
They all think I am the jerk, are they all right? Should I have given her my phone for free? AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I normally keep my phone for years, and the few times I’ve changed mine or my wife’s phone for a higher-end one, I sell the current one.
You didn’t sell her a spare one that you didn’t use, you had to buy a new one. Would it have been nice of you to give it to her for free? Of course! But if your economy doesn’t allow it then it’s kinda dumb to go into debt.
In the end, it was all because she wanted a higher-end model, not a random one. Beggars can’t be choosers!” Mituche
Another User Comments:
“It was very transactional for a long-term relationship (in a comment you said you’d been together for 5 yrs and living together at the time).
I know that some people do have very transactional financial relationships with romantic partners, but many don’t, instead opting for a more team-like approach. It sounds like you have a different view of relationship models than your gf and family, but it doesn’t make you a jerk.
It may make you incompatible financially though.
No jerks here.” psatty
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – I don’t think you were in the wrong. She could have bought a less expensive phone like most people do when they’re in a bad economical situation.
Honestly, some of the phones that go for 150€ these days do more than enough for a normal person. About everyone else it sounds a bit like ‘a man is supposed to take care of his woman’ kind of talks to me… maybe it isn’t but that’s what it sounds like.” MarcoX8i
8. AITJ For Wanting My Mom To Ask Permission First?
“I (26) moved in with my mom after I decided to move to the same city as her.
I had a job opportunity and I knew she was struggling with being a single mom to my sisters after she divorced my stepdad. I was going to buy a place, but the market is really rough right now and I am waiting for it to go down, which she is ok with.
She has recently lost her job and is trying to start her own business. My stepdad still pays the bills for the house, but she is responsible for her car payments, half the groceries, and other odds and ends.
She is getting money from various sources (tax refund, cashing in investments, divorce settlement, etc.) but these take time and she needs funds now. I have offered to loan her some money, which she has accepted. My issue is that now she takes funds out of my bank account without letting me know.
My bank account is linked to hers as I have had it since I was 15.
I do not feel comfortable with her taking it without asking first. I have no issue loaning her funds, as I have quite a bit saved up, but I would like her to let me know before she takes it.
It feels weird that she feels so comfortable treating my account like her own. She also does not keep track of how much she takes and has tried to forget that she has taken money before, so I want a record of how much she borrows and when.
When I confronted her, she goes on about what she needed the money for and that I was making too big of a deal about her not asking and I should just get over it. I have considered changing banks so she would need me to transfer the funds to her, but this could cause delays in emergency situations and would be a headache with my automatic payments.
I also feel I should not have to go to such lengths just to have control over my own funds. Am I overreacting to the situation? Should I just accept her borrowing funds at any time as a new condition of living with her?
If not, how do I get her to understand why this upsets me?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
You need to get your own bank account and put the majority (if not all) of your funds into a separate account.
I would either close the shared account or keep a very small amount in there and tell her it’s for emergency only and to stop taking funds out because you won’t be replacing the emergency fund.
You are her daughter. Not her personal ATM but because this account is shared, she is using it like one and doesn’t care.
There was a post somewhere that I read once that a parent had a shared account with a child and that child grew up and never got their own separate account.
The adult child was saving just like you and that parent went into debt and they took all of the money from that shared account to pay the parents’ debt. The adult child’s savings were wiped out and never recovered.
So yes it’s a pain in the butt to set up automatic payments again but your funds would be protected from that type of situation if your mother makes bad financial decisions. You have already loaned her funds and she continues to take more and more out without asking you, therefore, abusing access to this account.
You will only have yourself to blame if she drains it all. Her financial problems are not your responsibility.” cattripper
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. There are few requests more reasonable than to ask someone to ask you first before they take your money.
All the excuses she gives – that she needs it, that she is having a hard time, all that is irrelevant.
Ultimately there is a name for when someone takes money from someone without asking: theft. She is stealing from you.
As well as making it impossible for you to budget for your own life.
As far as things like payments and such: this will simply involve more planning and forethought on her part. Asking for some more effort on her part is not a big ask.
After all, you are doing her the favor. She needs to stop being so entitled to your money.
Yes, you should definitely get a new bank account that she doesn’t have access to.” bamf1701
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
OP, STOP.
You have to get control of your finances now. This is not about how much you love your mother or not, this is not about whether you will or will not lend her money, this is about decision-making authority and respect.
Yes, it might be a pain in the neck for your auto payments to be transferred to a new bank account, but big deal, take care of it once and you’re all set. Yes, it might cause a slight delay for your mother when she needs cash, but how many emergencies does she really have?
And if she has that many emergencies that access to funds are going to be a problem then you really need to move your funds before she spends it all.
This is your possession, when she discusses the reasons why she needs the money, she is completely ignoring the fact that she should be asking instead of telling.
You need to set boundaries with her, you need to establish that you moved in partially because of the market and partially to assist her and that you need to be recognized for your contribution to the household.
You diminish and marginalize yourself by accepting this. This behavior will not change through a discussion, you must absolutely cut off access to this account or accept the fact that she has access to it and will use it as she sees fit.” CTDV8R
7. WIBTJ If I Snitch On My Lying Partner?
“I (18m) am going out with a woman named Annie (fake name, 19f) and we go to the same college together.
We were talking about Annie’s hair and that she wants to get a haircut. Ok, no biggie.
Her hair is stunning as is, but she can do whatever. The problem is it’s going to be a non-essential appointment that would mean she isn’t in college. It’s pretty much expected for you to be in college unless you had a valid reason not to be (IE an essential/urgent medical appointment, you’re sick) and you can get in a lot of trouble for skiving college, which is essentially her plan.
She told me she was going, to be honest, but then when she realized that she requested time off would be (rightfully) declined, she actually told them she had an interview. I know it’s not the case and I even have proof that she did, in fact, say it was to get her hair done next week.
I told her her hair was already beautiful as it is, but insists that she needs a haircut as she apparently hasn’t had it done in 2 years.
I have been told she has been told by the person taking her that college beats haircuts on the importance scale.
She did have a dramatic medical episode the Sunday after the college broke up for Easter, but was already back to work by the last week of the Easter break, so something tells me she could have tried to get it done then.
We are also closing in on the end of the college year, so if she failed, she would have had until September to sort it out after getting signed off. She also had to have a knee operation, which would have held it back a bit, but again, she had the entire 2nd week of it, considering she’d pretty much recovered from both occurrences at this point, but she didn’t.
I did say I wouldn’t snitch, but I’m wondering if I actually should, even though I’d have been lying to myself. She is apparently one warning away from getting permanently removed from her course and most if not all college courses will not take her on.
She’d also lose hope of a childcare apprenticeship if this is enough for that to happen. She might even lose hopes of a job, but if she’s gonna skive and pretend it’s a valid reason, she might not be a fit for the workplace.
WIBTJ?”
Another User Comments:
“She is apparently one warning away from getting permanently removed from her course and most if not all college courses will not take her on. She’d also lose hope of a childcare apprenticeship if this is enough for that to happen.
She might even lose hope of a job, but if she’s gonna skive and pretend it’s a valid reason, she might not be a fit for the workplace. WIBTJ?
Are you a full quid? You know it could screw our life up but still think you should do it?
Are you Captain Morals, the superhero who has 4 social media friends and who isn’t invited to his sister’s wedding because you will object when asked because she’s not a virgin and according to the Bible that means the wedding isn’t valid?
If you do this, you could put some hemorrhoids around a black hole and still be the bigger jerk. YTJ.” Wetnosedcretin
Another User Comments:
“YTJ for being in her business. For wanting to snitch on someone you are seeing for such a stupid reason.
For deciding that someone may or may not be fit for the works lace because they want a haircut. For being judgmental. For thinking that 2 weeks after a knee operation, you are healed. For acting like you have never done anything wrong.
Call this girl, tell her that you are a jerk and that you do not deserve to date her. Maybe in the future, you will be ready for a relationship, but not right now.” sarahlampi
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here/maybe YTJ, she is a grown woman. She needs to learn how to weave through a life of priorities and consequences. As long as she isn’t harming anyone else with her decisions, you should stay out of it and watch it play its course.
She either will get caught and get in trouble or she may not. I’ve skipped college classes before… I haven’t ever been in a state where my grades and attendance were in poor state for it to matter though.
I think transitioning from high school to college is a big change. The high school controls students where they don’t learn to make priorities/schedule decisions by themselves. The college you are free to do whatever you want and have to understand the consequences.” PleasantSpace6267
6. AITJ For Telling My Partner I Can't Come To Her House Because Of My Phobia?
“My (17m) SO (17f) and I have been together for 4 months and her parents have recently said they want to meet me.
Usually, this is absolutely no problem and I would in a heartbeat, however, the problem resides in the fact her family owns a dog which I have had an extreme phobia of since I was 3 years old when a dog bit my face and nearly ripped my nose off.
My SO did know about my phobia prior to this.
I have tried loads of different methods to try and get rid of this phobia and over the years, have been able to get to the point where I no longer cross the street when I see a dog on the lead.
However, I still can’t be around a dog without a leash as I get very panicky and have occasionally had panic attacks when one gets too close.
I have informed my SO that I am happy to meet her parents but I can’t be around the dog due to my phobia.
My SO then got upset saying that the dog is a part of her family and she even wanted a new dog one day. I told her that I can’t be near a dog and that I’m sorry.
I worry that I may make a bad impression on her family due to this fear and am worried that they won’t like me for it
AITJ?
Edit: I spoke to my SO about this and she said she understands my phobia and she’s going to take steps to make sure I don’t have to encounter the dog.”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here.
The relationship isn’t gonna work though. I love dogs. I would not be with someone who is afraid of them because living the rest of my life without a dog is unacceptable to me.
It is, in fact, one of the first things I address when I start seeing someone new. I make it very clear that I will be a lifelong dog owner, that my dogs will be inside dogs, that my dogs will sleep in the bed with me and be on furniture, and that I will own more than one dog at a time if it is feasible.
I also make it clear that I will be responsible for bills, training, care, etc of the dog/dogs but for me, not being allowed to own dogs and live with them in the manner I prefer is a deal breaker.
I suspect your partner didn’t genuinely consider what your phobia meant and is now being forced to confront the reality that you cannot and will not be around dogs. And that if she wishes to remain with you long term, she will have to sacrifice future dog ownership.
It’s tough but better to know this now.” chaosandpuppies
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
Some people don’t realize the gravity of phobias, in her mind she sees the dog as her family member who she dearly loves and she’s translating your condition into not wanting to meet the dog she loves.
Remind her firmly, that you have a physical response and you genuinely cannot be around them and you have been trying all your life to get past. I’m sure they can leave the dog in one room for you to meet her parents and have a good time.
If that doesn’t work and she still feels offended then, unfortunately, there’s a compatibility issue and that could rock the foundation of your relationship, and you might have to reconsider it.
Wish you all the best my g.” Abstract-Minded
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. You have a phobia, not a fear, and those are different things. I encourage you to work with a therapist who specializes in phobias because a phobia of America’s most common pet is going to definitely cause issues for you going forward.
As an adult, you may want to make sure to never date or get involved with someone who loves dogs, because that will end up being a deal breaker for both of you. For now, just focus on being able to be around them.” Euphoric-Round-5182
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, and excuse me if I am challenging how you self-identify, but I don’t think phobia is the right word in this case. Phobias are by definition ‘irrational’ but having g had a genuinely traumatic experience when you were younger makes this a substantiated fear.
If someone slipped and fell while hiking and was almost seriously injured, and they chose not to go hiking, watch hiking movies anymore, or go to outdoor sports stores because it was triggering that trauma, I don’t think it’s a phobia.
In this analogy, if their partner asked them to come hiking to meet their parents, I think it would be completely reasonable for them to say no, even if hiking was their family pastime or tradition.” ctonj
5. AITJ For Getting Offended By My Partner's Criticism?
“So I had to write a short story of about 400 words and in just 30 minutes. After coming back and texting my bf about the story, he didn’t feel satisfaction at the end of the story. But throughout he loved my description and hidden puns in it and was excited about the build-up but then he seem to not understand the end and ultimately was disappointed. He told me the story was good and he liked my creativity but the ending was devoid of depth.
So expecting genuine criticism, I ask him what could I do at the end to make it better for the next time. To that, he told me how could I elaborate the story and add more plots to it and create more than 1 twist. I started to get annoyed by the fact that he didn’t understand the word limit and asked me to add more plot points.
Then I explained to him that it is not a novel but just a short story that should be two pages long. But he insisted that the end wasn’t good and it didn’t have any depth.
I was getting a bit annoyed and talked in a tone but I corrected and started to explain the nature of the story and what can I do to make the existing story better. What plot points should I cut and what should I add to make a better story but he insists on extending the plot?
So I ask him to understand the word limit and I will have to cut out some things to make it what you are asking me. Then it just escalated to him telling me that I am overreacting too much about the story and I talk in a very bad tone and I accept my tone was bad before but I am trying to explain that when he tells me that my story is not good it makes me a bit discouraged.
He is entitled to give his opinion because I literally asked for it but his point is that the story wasn’t satisfactory and I should add more words. It made me annoyed and offended as he didn’t listen to my point.
When he started to call me dramatic, I also got annoyed and said I will text in a while. He says he didn’t say anything wrong and I should chill and it makes me think that I am not able to take criticism.
Am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. You asked him for constructive criticism. From what you’re describing, that’s exactly what he gave you. Sometimes a story is just flawed, or it’s not going to work unless you’re able to turn it into something longer, and you need to set it aside and try something else.
Or if you really can’t do that or are convinced the thing you’re getting criticism on isn’t actually the problem, then you need to get a second opinion or simply dig into what you think needs improvement.
Reviewers can give you ideas and suggestions, but ultimately it’s your story, and you need to be the one to figure out how to make it better. They can’t do all the work for you.” mm172
Another User Comments:
“YTJ.
You asked for his opinion and he gave it to you. You started to feel annoyed right from the start and started talking in a bad tone as you yourself admit.
You didn’t agree with his opinion, fair enough.
You getting annoyed by it is not someone who embraces criticism, positive or otherwise.
It sounds like you wanted someone to pat you on the back instead of an honest opinion.
Btw, he doesn’t have to be able to say how it could’ve been better.
He’s giving you his opinion and doing his best to help you. He can’t do more than that.” ExcellentPatience298
Another User Comments:
“Mild YTJ.
You asked for feedback and he gave it to you the best he could.
Maybe he isn’t an expert on the subject, so his feedback isn’t that valuable to you and your craft, but it seems like he did his best. He gave you his time and his thoughts. What more can someone ask?
Sure, he didn’t understand what you meant but maybe that’s just because this isn’t really his thing. Anyone can read a book and have opinions about it – but not everyone can write a book.
It is what it is. Next time don’t grill people. If you understand they don’t really know what they’re talking about, maybe don’t take their tips so seriously to the point where you get upset and it escalates to a fight.” hey-bish
4. AITJ For Not Having Integrity With Our Deal?
“Just to clarify, I really like my partner. The time we spend together in person is great. This post is just about our current conflict and isn’t reflective of our relationship as a whole.
I hate texting. I hate it.
My partner texts constantly. Early in our relationship, she became offended several times by how long I would go without answering her texts on weekdays. It’s the only thing we’ve ever seriously argued about, but it upset her so much that we almost went on a break.
Instead, we came up with a compromise.
The deal is this. I have to text her when I wake up for work. I have to text her when I get to work before clocking in. I have to text her when I leave work and when I arrive home.
I have to text her right before going to bed. Between getting home from work and going to bed (about sixish hours) I have fifteen minutes maximum to respond to any texts she sends me.
She wasn’t happy with this deal, because she thought fifteen minutes was too long, but I couldn’t go lower than that.
Anyway, I hate this deal. I feel like I’m tied to my phone. I have to take it with me everywhere I go. She’ll text me, I’ll respond, and then she’ll immediately text me right back. I’ve started setting fifteen-minute timers when her texts come in to delay the next one.
I feel like I can’t fully immerse myself in any enjoyable activities or focus on anything because in the back of my mind I know I need to stop in fifteen minutes.
My partner is also upset that I’m taking fifteen minutes to respond to almost all of her texts.
She says it feels intentional (which it is). I know I’m not honoring the spirit of our agreement, but even the current amount of texting is too much. I get that a text every fifteen minutes over six hours is only 24 texts, and if they were all in one back-to-back conversation, that would be fine, but the constant texting throughout the entire afternoon makes me miserable.
I want to renegotiate for a two-hour break in the middle, maybe agreeing to a five-minute limit in exchange, but I know she’ll say that 6 hours is only 25% of the day, and I’m being a jerk for wanting to devote even less to her.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Communication quantity and quality can’t be governed by strict rules like this. If you’re not on the same wavelength regarding basic communication issues, this may not be a workable relationship. You shouldn’t have come to this agreement in the first place, as it was only going to create resentment on your part, and she shouldn’t have asked you to.
She obviously has needs that your style of communication isn’t meeting. That doesn’t make you a jerk and it doesn’t make her a jerk, standing alone. But what does make her a jerk is seeking to enforce a strict agreement.
She’s also a jerk for getting upset when that agreement isn’t sufficient for her needs.
That being said, I know many people in happy relationships with different texting frequencies. My wife, for example, texts me all day long about random stuff.
I usually just respond with short messages acknowledging her comments, like ‘okay’ or ‘oh no!’ I don’t feel obligated to provide long-winded responses to her long-winded text messages, and she doesn’t get mad at me for failing to meet her level of texting intensity.
We’re just different, and we accept each other’s differences.
If she can’t accept your texting habits, or you feel overwhelmed by her texting needs, this may not be the right relationship for either of you. Communication is perhaps the most important part of any relationship and both of you should seriously examine what kind of life you want to live in this regard.
NTJ.” bLaZe_iT_420_69
Another User Comments:
“God, that’s a lot of texting. I wouldn’t be able to do that for even a day.
NTJ. You’re just different. Different needs, different communication styles, different levels of phone addiction (lol jk but not really)
But on a serious note, she does sound absolutely bonkers. Controlling, argumentative, and unwilling to compromise. I read one of your responses in the comments saying she hates phone calls so you don’t do that. But at the same time, she’s more than willing to subject you to something you hate just so she doesn’t have to be the one who’s uncomfortable.
That’s majorly selfish and strange. You really wanna live your life like this? Someone being awesome in person doesn’t remove the fact that she is a lunatic on your phone.” hey-bish
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, bordering a bit on ‘everyone sucks here’ only because if you make a commitment (which a deal is), you should always honor it.
But you are technically honoring it, albeit you’re stretching a bit to do so, hence why I’ll stick with NTJ.
However, you two don’t really sound compatible. Communication is a major key to a healthy relationship, but this doesn’t sound healthy at all.
Your deal was an effort to compromise, which is also a major key, but it doesn’t seem like it’s enough and it doesn’t seem like she’s willing to compromise further either. She sounds extremely anxious and needs constant communication to alleviate that anxiety, but that’s not healthy for either of you.
I want to hope you can get to the real bottom of why she needs you to text her every second of the day when you aren’t together, but it’s possible that she might need help from a therapist to try and do that.
Either way, it’s not fair to you that you can’t do anything in your personal life, including taking a shower, without feeling like you have to text her back every 15 minutes or sooner, and I think you need to start thinking about some harder choices (such as couples/individual counseling or breaking up) to protect your mental health.
Because all of this is going to do is lead to excessive amounts of resentment and other negative feelings, and that will not lead either of you down a good path.” SweetAshori
3. AITJ For Being "Rude" At My Brother's Wedding?
“My brother and my family have always had some unknown issue with my husband. They don’t like him so much but they are willing to provide when needed. We lost our apartment because of debts and my family offered to take us in.
My husband was excluded from going out with the family under the excuse ‘your husband is working so he could save funds for an apartment, we don’t wanna distract him.’
My brother’s wedding was some days ago, I was told to let my husband stay home because again ‘he needs to keep working so we can get our own place,’ even though my husband said he had free time.
I didn’t want to leave him behind, I told mom that I didn’t wanna go unless my husband comes along, we either go together or we stay together. Mom was having none of it. She said this is my brother’s wedding if I miss it the entire family will be upset with me.
I caved in after a lot of pressure.
Here’s what I did; Since I didn’t wanna be there but had to go, I just isolated myself and refused to engage in any activity, take pictures, or take part in toast, instead, I become somewhat hostile towards my family and had a frown on my face.
Basically, I was so out of the mood it affected others. My brother tried to take pictures with me but I declined, they invited me to join the dance floor but I refused. Mom came to me and said I was behaving terribly, like a child who didn’t want to come.
I told her this is me at the wedding they insisted I attend without my husband. She started berating me calling me pathetic bringing a bad vibe and ruining the atmosphere of my brother’s wedding and making the guests uncomfortable all because I’m butthurt my husband couldn’t come.
Dad started asking me questions about whether my husband is giving me grief about it and if I was afraid of his ‘fury.’ I ignored them and remained silent and kept a frown on my face.
After the wedding ended, mom said it was shameful and disgraceful that I behaved this way as my brother’s only sibling.
She said I ruined the wedding in a way and will have to apologize for acting juvenile. I went inside the room and shut the door. My husband said he understood my frustration but insisted that I should’ve just enjoyed myself and tried to not get my family upset with us.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ because I’m willing to bet there’s a good reason your entire family dislikes your husband. And since you said they asked whether you were scared of him that makes me think you aren’t telling the full story to make your actions sound reasonable.
Either way, it was your brother’s wedding, one of the most important days to him, and you should have respected that he didn’t want your husband there. It’s HIS day and you had the option to not go.
You’re not a toddler, you can make your own decisions. And you decided to act like a child in front of everyone.” Ok-Drag-5929
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here. Except for your husband.
Your brother for that weak reasoning at not inviting your husband.
If your husband is too busy working, he’ll decline the invitation. That’s no reason not to extend one.
You for going even though you didn’t want to go. You’re old enough to be married, you’re old enough to not be somewhere you don’t want to be.
Instead, you attended and made sure your displeasure and anger were visible. That is far worse than simply not going. Don’t be a Debbie downer at a wedding because you didn’t have the courage to decline the invite that excluded your husband with weak reasoning.
Your mother for harassing you into going, when it was 100% your decision to make.” jammy913
Another User Comments:
“YTJ in multiple ways. Your family is taking care of you and your husband and you wonder why they are hostile toward the man that is supposed to take care of their daughter.
You have made the situation worse by behaving as a juvenile in situation. You’re ungrateful and misguided.
Most parents don’t like taking care of grown children but are willing to help their offspring get over a rough patch.
But you display resentment toward them and fail to read the lines. I’ll interpret what they are saying back. You seem slow… He isn’t invited to have fun because he needs to work to earn enough so he can get out of their house.
Most people hate freeloaders. Why weren’t you working? And you sulked the entire wedding ruining the family moments that can’t be redone.” spatty250
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here.
Staying home with your husband and not participating would have been fine.
Going and being happy for the wedding of your brother (even though you would have been sad your husband wasn’t there) would also have been fine.
In both of those cases, it comes down to sometimes, for family, you do things that you don’t like.
What you did do? You acted like a jerk. You ruined the wedding for everyone else because of issues between you and your family. The other guests were not involved, had no idea what was going on, and you ruined the wedding for them.
For Pete’s sake, even your husband, the person who was told he couldn’t come, is calling you a jerk.” mudbunny
2. AITJ For Refusing To Split Rent Again?
“So I (22m) live in a 3 bed 3.5 bath duplex with myself and two other people listed on the lease.
One of my roommates (25F) is single and doesn’t have anyone living with her. The other (19F) has her SO (19M) living in her room with her. Recently my partner’s (21F) lease was up and we are going to be getting a new place together at the end of July because that is when my lease here is up.
So she’s going to be staying here splitting my portion of the rent for the next three months until we move out.
My single roommate, whom I’ll call Beth, and I do not get along. She tweets about anything I supposedly do wrong on a Twitter account that she doesn’t know I know exists.
In the past, Beth has tweeted that I don’t take care of my dogs because they got fleas and I’ll admit it took me a day or two to get treatment for them.
Anyways, Beth recently texted me asking if my partner would want to take over her lease for the rest of the summer or for us to start splitting rent 5 ways instead of 3 so that she wouldn’t have to pay double rent since she is moving out sooner to a new place.
I told Beth no because it wouldn’t make sense for her to take it over since we are only using my room and it wouldn’t be fair for us to split the rent more because the 3-way split is based on bedrooms, not occupancy.
Especially since another roommate has had her SO living with us for almost a year now. I have no issues with it him being here, they pay their rent and bills on time.
Beth then asked if my partner could at least start paying utilities since there are now two people living here who are not on the lease.
I don’t see how it is my problem that she decided to rent another place earlier than our lease here was up. I did agree to start splitting utilities and internet 5 ways since that’s going to be more laundry, showers, phones charging, etc.
The next day, I decided to check her Twitter account and sure enough, she’s complaining about me not wanting to split rent 5 ways. Nobody follows her because nobody likes her, I used to feel bad for her, and I would have considered her my friend at one point.
Not anymore.
So AITJ for not splitting rent 5 ways?
Edit – So a few points have come up.
The bedrooms are all the same size and each has a private full bath. So that is the reason for the even 3-way split.
For each party, if you will occupy an equal amount of space.
The parking situation is that there are three designated parking spots that only the people on the lease use. The other two park on the street.
Beth trashes the common areas, so the 4 of us never use the living room or dining room. We use the laundry and I have recently started using the kitchen again.
I cleaned the fridge last week after months of not using it due to Beth trashing it.
There was rotting meat and vegetables. B***d was covering the bottom racks and had turned to b***d pudding. There was a roast or steak or something in there that was so old that the packaging was fading to white.
Beth regularly brings foster animals home to care for but leaves replacement milk and bottles everywhere for days at a time between her half-hearted attempts to clean them. Nothing else gets cleaned that she uses.
Beth orders booze via delivery, gets black out wasted almost every night, and falls asleep on the couch.
I’ve seen her throw up into a wine glass, and then continue drinking from it.
She goes through about 10 of the large Franzia boxes of wine a week. The box says it holds 34 glasses of wine. She’s also stolen booze from me before and tried filling a crown bottle back up with water so I wouldn’t notice.”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ.
Honestly, I feel bad for Beth. OP is nasty to her, she’s stuck paying 1/3 of the rent while everyone else is paying 1/6. I’d be upset too if I was the only one paying double the rent as everyone else living there.
She went from sharing her apartment with two other people to four, which means now bathrooms and living spaces are more crowded and taken up.
And when Beth tries to even things out, OP throws ‘rent is based on bedrooms, not occupancy’ in her face.
If you’re going to get pedantic, rent is based on the lease which lists 3 people. Your SO shouldn’t be living there.” QuackLikeMe
Another User Comments:
“Beth honestly sounds like a nightmare to live with and I see where you’re coming from.
But imagine this.
Say your rent is 900 (I don’t know, the actual number this is an example.)
Split 3 ways that are 300 each. When your guy’s partners moved in you and your other roommate had to pay 150 with your guy’s partners paying 150 as well while Beth is still at 300.
Does that honestly seem fair to you?
Even if you barely use the other parts of the house you still do at times. There is no way you have gone this long without using something kitchen or the bathroom.
You shower, relieve yourself, wash your hands, cook, heat up, food turn on lights in other parts of the house. As does everyone else living there.
I was in a situation like this. We lived in a 3 bedroom and originally I split rent 50/50 with my 1 roommate until my partner moved in.
Then rent was split 3 ways. Another friend of mine moved in and took the empty room. Rent was split 4 ways. When his SO moved in rent was split 5 ways even tho it was only 3 bedrooms. I went from paying 600 bucks to 240 a month for rent.
Doing it that way keeps things fair.
When you live with roommates, you have some sort of agreement as to who does what and who pays what. When someone else moves in you reaccess and split evenly.
When you split things evenly there’s no room for anger or resentment and everyone is paying a fair share.
You all live there. Regardless of how rooms are split and how your dynamics work, everyone should be paying their fair share of rent and utilities.
Everyone sucks here, you’re being unfair but so is Beth with her Twitter, her mess, her not saying anything about the other roommate’s partner moving in but saying something about yours.” Late_Lock8617
Another User Comments:
“YTJ – and breaking your lease agreement. There are three of you on the lease. If you allow other people to stay in the apartment, all original roommates need to be ok with it and the additional people need to pay rent.
Beth signed up to live with 2 people, not 4. Doesn’t matter what you assumed or thought, you’re all being a jerk to Beth.
If none of you use the common areas, should you just ask your landlord to reduce your rent by that percentage, because it’s going unused?
So your argument of we’re only using my bedroom doesn’t hold water for me.” SherbetAnnual2294
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here. It sounds like Beth is a nightmare, especially with her trashing the common areas. I lived in an apartment like this for a few months with my partner and I hated it.
At the same time, I can see where Beth is coming from, wanting to split rent 5 ways. You would have been the bigger jerk if you weren’t willing to split the utilities five ways.” MaraTheBard
1. AITJ For Letting My Kids Curse?
“We have two teenagers who curse a lot and trash talk (in jest, nothing that hurts feelings) when they do online gaming and outdoor games such as volleyball.
They get it from us, LOL. We all have a good time and know how to be appropriate in public, like at work and school.
Even though we don’t make noise outside past 9 pm, my husband thinks we shouldn’t curse in our own backyard because it could offend our neighbors.
Nobody has ever complained, but he doesn’t want any ill will in case we ever need neighborly help, like with finding a lost pet or in some other emergency, or about a shrubbery on the property line.
He tends to care more than I do about what other people think. He may be right, but I kind of feel like we should be able to do whatever we want. It’s not like we are having ragers until 3 am!
I agree that would be unreasonable and grounds to confront a neighbor or for calling the police.
If it helps my argument, there doesn’t seem to be young children on either side or behind our house.
He says we don’t need to curse to have fun.
So AITJ if I allow my teenagers to scream obscenities when playing in our own backyard?
EDIT: I am going to tell the kids to tone down the cursing outside because I really don’t want to offend the neighbors.
But I think the sounds of neighborhood kids playing and having fun are like lawnmowers or construction. It can be annoying, but if it’s at a reasonable time of day, that’s life. My kids are respectful at school, etc., so it will be easy to explain that if people outside our yard can hear it, it’s ‘in public’.
Inside, as long as they’re not cursing each other out, just exclaiming about a game or a stubbed toe, they can say whatever they want to.
The worst part of this situation is that I will have to concede that my husband was right.”
Another User Comments:
“I’m a swearing-inclined person in a culture where the f-word can be every second word, and ‘jerk’ is a term of affection.
I still think it’s a little rude for your family to be screaming curses in your yard loud enough for neighbors to hear.
The point of swear words is to be transgressive. That means they’re going to offend some people and aren’t right for every context.
Is it a huge deal? No. Personally, I think the screaming is more annoying than the swearing.
But as arbitrary and silly as it might be, some people do get genuinely offended by screaming swear words. Those words hit harder for them than they do for you and me.
I think it’s… a little trashy I guess?
to prioritize screaming the f-word over not disturbing your neighbors, when other words can do just fine. I also think it’s good to teach kids to be mindful of when swears are fine or not.
So on that basis, the barest of YTJ if your kids are running round screaming a blue streak.” Left-Car6520
Another User Comments:
“You’re both right. I think you should be able to scream as much as you want in your own backyard during daylight hours – if construction noise is legal then why not. But, you could be annoying people who don’t want to say anything in case they think you’re going to target them, or who are just shy.
In fact, I probably know more people who would silently think poorly of you than would let you know it’s bothering them.
Do a distance test yourself to see how far away you can hear the swearing. If you’re up for it, actually ask your neighbors what they think (although you lose the ‘I didn’t realize’ defense).
If you think they can hear your kids swearing in the backyard, they’re probably bothered by it, and if you voluntarily toned it down, you’d be being considerate.
For the moment, YTJ.” Arc_Nexus
Another User Comments:
“YTJ.
Like it or not, if you’re like most of us, homes are so close together that noises made in yards, on decks and on balconies are ‘in public.’ If people on other private properties or on public sidewalks or roads can hear them, they are effectively cursing ‘in public’, so the same ‘in public’ cursing rules you have in place should apply.
I, personally, wouldn’t care, but your husband is right that there are some who do.
I would also think it would be good for your teens to think of cursing & slinging insults as appropriate when, say, indoors gaming or when among peers at a friend’s house, but not when you’re in an outdoor setting where ‘ear-space’ is shared with people of all backgrounds and ages.
Finally, some ppl may associate cursing with anger and violence, due to past experiences in which those things went together.” User
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