People Try To Clear Their Names In These 'Am I The Jerk?' Tales
19. AITJ For Asking A Woman To Not Let Her Child Stand On A Chair At A Concert?
“So, at the time (17 F) went to a concert with my partner (19 M). I saved up to buy us these tickets for his birthday. We waited 8 months and drove to another state to be able to go. By the time we got to our seats, this family arrived and sat in the seats in front of us, it was a woman probably in about her 40s, two daughters one probably about 16 and the other 12/13, and then there was what I am assuming was the father.
We had some problems with them from the beginning, they were taking very obnoxious selfies where I was in the photo more than they were, so I pointed it out to my partner and he politely asked if they could try to be more mindful while taking photos, the father then turns around and with lots of attitudes says “I guess”, the mom then proceeds to say “I didn’t know you guys were like that’, also with lots of attitudes.
They proceeded to take photos this way. They also got into a bit of an altercation with 3 girls because they were sitting in their seats, 5 of them came to this concert but only got 4 seats. Fast forward to when the headliner came out, she let her 12/13-year-old daughter stand on the chair in front of me.
I am not a tall person, I am only 5’2 and was already having a bit of a hard time seeing, but I did not mind as my partner could see; The daughter was my height, so I couldn’t even see the screen, Now I wouldn’t have minded if it was for a minute or two, but it was easy to tell she was planning on staying there.
As the headliner began to play, I tapped on the mom’s shoulder and politely said “I am so sorry but I cannot see anything with your daughter standing on the chair”, she turned around and said, “Deal with it, it’s her birthday!” So in defeat, I backed off and decided I wasn’t going to bother her anymore, as long as my partner could see I was happy, although a little sad because this is both of our favorite artists.
The daughter heard this altercation and proceeded to sit in her chair and pout, the mom then turned around and began to scream at me, saying “Thanks for making her feel like a jerk you’re a jerk.”
This set my partner off, and he proceeded to scream at her until she sat down and began to pout as well.
She then stands up and tries to yell at me again, setting my partner right off, and screaming at her even more to leave me alone. At this point, we were getting looks from others and I was wondering if I was in the wrong.
My partner reassured me and I began to have fun. But the mom then saw me recording and started putting her hands up to block my phone, and flipping her hair in my face, my partner took my phone to record for me because he was a lot taller than her and she could not block his view.
This went on for a few songs, as she finally backed off but I kept receiving dirty looks from the dad. By the end of the concert, I had some girls come up to me and say they’re glad my partner yelled at her and I didn’t do anything wrong.”
Another User Comments:
“Everyone’s a jerk here- Screaming and cussing in public is unacceptable. That’s what all those people with uniforms that say usher, security, employees etc… Everyone around you didn’t appreciate the drama all night. I’ve been that person who couldn’t enjoy a show because of a situation like what you described. I complained to security.
Both sets were observed and removed from the venue. Our entire section cheered!” Appropriate_Art_3863
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Just this last weekend went to a concert with two friends for one of our favorite bands, and I spent most of it crying because I too, am 5’2, and while my friends could see over everyone in front of them, I couldn’t.
I couldn’t even switch seats with my friends because they wouldn’t have been able to see over the lady in front of me, and I still was too short to see over the people in front of them. The only difference here is that this family and the daughter/mom specifically were being awful and obnoxious, and thus you had a right to ask them not to be.
They decided to escalate, not you. In my case, the woman in front of me was just taller than me and wasn’t doing anything wrong, making me one unlucky bean.” pro_angry_bean
Another User Comments:
“NTJ I was just at a concert and this group 2 rows in front of me stood their kid on the chair arm thing the ENTIRE TIME forming a wall of people.
I could hardly see and had to swap with my taller friend (he was so kind about it because he’d seen the show before.) Talk about inconsiderate and main character syndrome. I would’ve found an usher and tried to have them removed once they started yelling” ImpossibleJedi4
18. AITJ For Wanting Privacy While Recovering From Surgery And Dealing With Family Drama?
“I’ve had a tough year – two major surgeries affecting my spine, haven’t been able to work for a year, mobility seriously affected. I found out my partner of 1 year was being unfaithful but I lived with him so was stuck there after my surgery.
I live abroad with no family here. My sister has come to London to look after me post-surgery, so my parents have paid for everything for her. Expensive lodging, flights, etc. The plan was for me to stay in this lodging with her. She asked our parents to book a 2-bed flat because she didn’t want to share a bed with me.
My only requirements are no stairs and a walk-in shower as I am not mobile at the moment. After booking this she organized the same flight as her friend and then told me the friend would also be staying there (for free). I told her that I would be recovering from surgery, was not in a good mental space, and would not feel comfortable with a stranger staying with us.
I also told my parents this but they ignored how I felt, said the friend was only staying a couple of nights here and there, and that I was being silly. I said ok. I have been staying at my flat with my ex-partner until the friend leaves.
The friend had been there 3 days, but then the next person she was supposed to stay with (also for free) canceled so she will just stay in our lodging for another week. She did not ask my sis if this was ok. I asked my sister if she was ok with this, and she said no. So I told her to message the friend, say she could stay another evening but if she could please look for some alternative accommodation for the following day.
I have been staying with my ex-partner which is very uncomfortable to give her time to find a place.
Now the friend has found a hotel and is not speaking to my sister. My parents say this is all my fault. I was having a breakdown before with my surgery and the pain plus the breakdown of my relationship but I can’t cope with all this extra stress now.
I communicated that I wasn’t comfortable before but they went ahead anyway and my father says I am incredibly selfish and that I have ruined my sister’s holiday. Now the friend has left I have come to the lodging to stay in the second bedroom.
I noticed the shower is not walk in so I cannot use it without difficulty or risk of falling, this was only one of 2 requests I had. There are plenty of lodgings in London and I was even happy to share a bed with my sister but she picked a place that was not suitable for my basic care.
I think she picked the two-bed place, which is much more expensive for my parents, just so the friend could stay too. I am feeling so awful but also like my sister is taking advantage of the situation, having a free holiday with her friend.
Now all my family is saying it’s my fault but I can’t move anywhere without assistance. She has spent the majority of this time she has been in London with her friend. Even today she has gone out to meet the friend for breakfast and left me at the lodging alone, miserable and without food.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If your parents could spend all that to send your sister to “help” you, they could have hired a part-time caregiver instead to come in and you could have stayed in a place that worked for you. Is there no rehab facility you can stay at there, though?
You shouldn’t be alone with no help at all. The whole plan of your sister taking a vacation seems like it isn’t conducive to getting your needs met since she doesn’t seem to realize that you have needs. Sorry, you’re having to deal with this – trying to recover from major (spine) surgery that affects your mobility really sucks already, and you need support afterward.
I don’t see how your family doesn’t understand this.” ParsimoniousSalad
17. AITJ For Refusing To Let My Brother Vent To Me About His Failing Marriage And Parenting Struggles?
“My brother is on the way to getting divorced and he’s also opening his eyes to the problems in his family. I let him vent a couple of times but it felt like I was being vented at instead of to, and it also felt like there was a layer of blame being put on me that I didn’t like.
My brother was in this complicated relationship for like 10 years with Grace. They had a daughter together Milly (8). When Milly was 5 Grace died in a car accident. My brother was used to relying on Grace for all the day-to-day things with Milly so he asked if I’d step in and help him and I did.
She was at my house most of the time. I mentioned to my brother on a few occasions that Milly was having trouble coping with her mom’s death. But he ignored me. About 16 months after Grace died my brother told me he was seeing someone else.
He wanted me to tell Milly and I told him he needed to be the one to tell her. He waited three or four months and then he decided it would be easier to have Steph move in with them. Of course, Milly didn’t cope well with that either.
Then Steph became pregnant so my brother and Steph got married at the courthouse.
Steph tried hard to reach out to Milly and act as a parent to her. But Milly was angry and lashed out at Steph a lot. My brother decided Milly shouldn’t spend as much time with me because it would prevent her and Steph from getting closer.
During Steph’s pregnancy, she tried to get Milly excited about the baby and I think she was truly hoping Milly could accept her and the baby. I don’t think she handled things perfectly but I also think she was very unsupported by my brother just like Milly was.
Steph confided in me during the later stages of the pregnancy that she regretted getting involved with my brother and moving in because Milly hated her and was so mean.
Once baby Lily was born it was just a matter of time before Steph had enough.
My brother was still leaving everything to Steph. Milly was still angry and lashing out and rejecting Steph and Lily. It took Steph telling my brother she was so close to done for him to do anything and they started therapy together. But the longer they are in therapy, the more Steph wants to divorce.
But my brother doesn’t want that. He’s now realizing how much Milly is suffering too. How angry and sad she is. He’s paying attention to all the times she yells at Steph that she’s not her mom and she wants her mom back. Or the times she says she feels like her mom was forgotten by almost everyone because she knows I haven’t.
My brother has vented about this to me a couple of times and like I said, I feel vented at and like some blame is being put on me. Thursday he called and tried to start that again after therapy and I cut him off and told him I wasn’t going to listen to this again.
I told him I’m not his therapist and I refuse to take any blame for what happened. He told me I was supposed to be his sister and I should care about his feelings too. He accused me of abandoning him.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ in the slightest. Your brother has done a great injustice to all 3 of you. You did what you could to advocate and be there for your niece and her needs, especially when he wanted to introduce Steph to the mix but he thought throwing Steph and Milly in the deep end would work out super great for everyone and wouldn’t cause Milly to detach even more and take it out on Steph.
His blaming you for Milly’s dislike of Steph because you were there for her and listened to her when he wouldn’t is ridiculous. He is to blame for his relationship with his daughter and his divorce. The fact he thought removing you from the picture would help is completely beyond me, he removed part of Milly’s crucial support network.
I hope Milly can get the help she deserves and you can rebuild your relationship with her.” rackoftheyear
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You stepped up immediately when Grace died and were completely there for your brother and niece. You told him that Milly wasn’t coping and he ignored it over and over again.
He has handled this diabolically and can well understand why Steph wants out. Nothing in this is your fault; it’s down to his inattentiveness to his daughter’s needs, which, despite his grief, he should have placed first. I hope you have a good relationship with Milly because she needs you in her life.” mousepallace
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I think you’ve already done a lot for your brother by taking care of Milly after she lost her mom. You’ve already told him it’s his responsibility to introduce Milly to his partner. He ignored your advice and forced the mix.
He cannot take responsibility and handle the situations that have got them to where they are now. He’s accusing you of being heartless because he can’t take responsibility.” DestronCommander.
16. AITJ For Kicking Out My Sister's Partner From Our Vacation Home?
“My husband “Ky” and I own a vacation home on Lake Michigan. We both own it technically, but it was his before we got married (this becomes relevant later).
My sister “Lia” has been using our vacation home since Ky and I started seeing each other. We don’t mind, she is always clean and courteous and leaves it better than she found it. However, she started seeing her partner “Al” about a year ago, and I can’t say the same for him.
Al is a total slob. He leaves dirty dishes, empty bottles, etc everywhere and expects Lia to clean up. He has split custody of two young kids from his ex, who he just lets run free, expecting Lia to do the work even though they’re HIS kids.
On top of that, he’s told Lia to get him a beer while she’s busy and he’s watching TV a few times in front of Ky and me, so I can’t imagine how he treats her when we’re not around.
Their house is always a mess because Lia works 60 hours a week and doesn’t have the time to take care of two small kids and Al, cleans and works long hours. Yet somehow, I think Lia loves Al. She looks at him like he is the only man in the world.
When she talks about him, her eyes light up and her voice is sweet and melodic.
That’s why when Lia asked if she and Al could use the vacation home this week, I said yes. I figured what’s the worst that could happen.
Plus, Ky and I already planned on going three days after them, so we’d overlap.
When Ky and I got there, the vacation house was a pig sty. It smelled like rotting food. There was a mountain of dirty dishes in the sink, the floor was sticky and there were drawings on the walls with crayons.
We got to the living room, where lo and behold Lia was scrambling to pick up toys and Al was drinking a beer in a rocking chair. I immediately snatched the beer from his hand and asked him why he wasn’t cleaning the mess he made.
He asked why I assumed it was him and not Lia. I said it’s because I’m not an idiot. He just chuckled and said Lia was doing the cleaning and there didn’t need to be two people cleaning. His nonchalance ticked me off, so I told him he and his sticky kids had an hour to pack up their things and leave before I called the cops.
Al looked at Ky and Ky was like, “What are you looking at ME for? Go pack!”
At this point, Lia was really upset with me. She said they were looking forward to unwinding and I walked in and ruined it in 5 minutes, not even considering other resolutions to the conflict.
Plus I had no claim to the house since I didn’t buy it myself. I told her there was no conflict–Al is deadweight and that’s that. As for the house, Ky “owns” it and he was with me. She said if Al was leaving, she was leaving too.
That night, I got a call from my mom asking why I kicked Lia out. I told her I kicked AL out and Lia followed. My mom told me I needed to be more accepting of new members of the family and that not everyone has the same living style as me.
Now she’s mad, and Lia won’t talk to me. Was I a jerk in this situation?”
Another User Comments:
“Very mature to go crying to mommy about it and make it a family affair. “Different living style” and letting your kids draw paintings on somebody else’s walls are not the same. Yes, threatening to call the cops was a little OTT, if you ask me, other than that, I would have done the same.
If he can’t behave and control his kids in your home (original owner or not, permanent residence or vacation home), he can’t visit. What your sister tolerates in her home, is her decision, your home – your decision. Now I’m at the end of my post and your mom still ticks me off.
I would never watch my daughter be treated like a maid and her love being taken advantage of like this and shush others, who speak up.” Isinoyb
Another User Comments:
“Lia can accept whatever disgusting behavior she wants from her guy but expecting others to put up with it, especially when you gave them a place to stay, is ridiculous.
Your mom needs to stay out of it, you aren’t kids fighting over a toy. Your sister appears to be extremely forgiving of Al when most people would’ve kicked him to the curb ages ago. She has zero self-esteem if she puts up with him but that’s not your problem.
NTJ for kicking him out” TaylorMade2566
Another User Comments:
“I went on a houseboat with a couple of friends and another couple. My friend’s husband and I did the cooking, and his wife would wash up. But one night, my friend just slept the whole day and didn’t even get up for dinner.
So after everyone had finished eating, we took our dishes to the sink, and the other couple’s husband just sat there staring at me and his plate. When I thought about it, I realized his wife would always play “housewife” to his Neanderthal. I don’t recall what she was doing at the time, but this jerk expected me to get up and take his plate to the sink.
So I know the type. My friend’s husband and I washed up left him and his plate at the table and went fishing. NTJ” Charming-Industry-86
15. AITJ For Prioritizing My New Job Over A Group Vacation?
“Beginning last week, I let my group of friends know that I would not be going on vacation with them for a few days at the end of the month.
I gave the reason that I do not have all of my uniform items accounted for or ready for a new job that I have coming up beginning in September. There was a lengthy discussion where I explained that this job is very important to me and that I want to make sure that I have time to make corrections to any items that are messed up or wrong and that depending on when we would get back on Friday (08/30/24) I would not have time to make any adjustments as the following day starts a three day weekend in the US.
Fast forward to the next day and I get a box that contains most of my uniforms, upon reading the packing label I notice that there are a couple of items on backorder including the uniform dress shirt. I mentioned this to my friend Jane who told me that I should let the people organizing the vacation know that I have most of my uniforms and let them know if I changed my mind or not about going.
I said that they were right about that, but I got busy the rest of the day and forgot to talk to the friend organizing the vacation.
The next day (Friday), my friend Joe called me to tell me that he picked up his uniforms and asked if he could pick mine up if they were there, he was told that I had already picked them up by the employer.
Joe and his partner then call Jane and start asking Jane why I am still not going on the trip. At this point, Jane reached out to me to tell me that I should talk to Joe and his partner about why I was not going on vacation.
I called Joe and his partner separately since I knew they were together to talk to them but only got voicemails, eventually Joe’s partner called me back and I talked to them about the trip. I mentioned that while I have most of my uniforms I do not have them all and I still need to make sure that my protective equipment for the job comes in and is all correct, I reiterate that I do not have set days for when these things show up and that if they arrive while we are on vacation that I will not have time to correct them until after my on-boarding starts where I need the uniforms and equipment.
Joe’s partner explains that this trip would be the last one in a while for the friend group we are in as we are all venturing out and taking new jobs etc. I explain that I get that, but I am just exhausted by the fact that I repeatedly need to explain and defend my decisions to the group and that I don’t want to spend 3 days with them since it feels like the dynamic of the group changed from us all being supportive of each other now to I have to defend myself constantly.
I also made the point that if Joe and his partner have questions about my choices they should call me and not someone else.
So, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Whoooo-weeee what a drama. I’m going to say NTJ, your friends shouldn’t need you to provide any reason at all why you can’t or don’t want to go.
You are an adult and can choose to do or not do whatever you want. If they were adults as well, they wouldn’t be harping all over you about why you can’t go, etc, and leave it at that. If I had any friends that made me feel like I have to provide them with an explanation that they deem suitable for why or why not I am doing or not doing something, I would ditch them in a New York second.” MChand87
Another User Comments:
“Yes and no. Making an excuse was understandable to avoid any hard feelings, but honesty would’ve been a better decision. You don’t necessarily have to tell your friends that they exhaust you; instead, you can simply say that the idea of a cruise doesn’t appeal to you.
Once you get caught in a lie it causes unnecessary drama and tension. Ultimately though, your actions are still understandable.” Key_Beautiful6318
14. AITJ For Refusing To Pay For My Friends And Their Dog's Expenses?
“I (30f) have had a small group of friends since the age of 17 we get along well. There is Katie 29 f, Dan 30 m, and Kirsty 29 f all are unemployed and expect me, Jo 30m, Jack 30 m, and Sophie 29 f to pay for them every time we go out.
Katie also has adopted an Akita with aggressive tendencies. I have met the dog and each time the dog was aggressive and growling. The dog has previously bitten twice. Katie refuses to put “her baby” in a separate room because “it’s his house”. The dog has to come everywhere with us.
Dan lost his job due to having a lot of time off. Kirsty is unemployed and refuses to go anywhere unless anyone else is driving/paying etc.
The last time we planned a meal with some other friends. When the bill came round we all rounded up and left a tip.
Kirsty felt sick and went home before paying. Katie went to the toilet and said that the tip everyone left covered her meal and that she “would just buy someone a drink”. Katie then said she couldn’t afford it and against better judgment, Sophie, Jack, and Joe split Katie and Kirsty’s bill.
Dan then left us to try to chat up girls and kept downing a shot whenever he got rejected. By the end of the night, Dan had been kicked out as he was intoxicated. He insisted I drive him home as I was parked in the car park.
His reason was I only had 2 drinks and if he threw up in my car it was better than a fine for vomiting in a taxi. I am against intoxicated driving and I refused and made my way home via a taxi. The next morning I woke up to missed calls and messages of how Dan had vomited in a taxi and it had cost £80 fine plus fair and it was my fault for leaving him even though he was with Katie.
As a group, we planned to attend a gig and needed to book hotels and go on a train ride. Jack and Joe shared and so did Sophie and her partner. Katie suggested we all book a dog-friendly hotel which we did. We got to the hotel before Dan and Katie.
We then receive a group message asking us to meet outside. There was Dan and Katie with the Dog. Dan and Katie said they couldn’t afford a hotel room and they were hoping they could sneak into mine with the dog. Katie would need the bed and they had brought me a sleeping bag to use.
This is where I may be the jerk. At this point, I had had enough and refused which caused an argument leading to Katie having a panic attack and Dan screaming at me how they couldn’t afford it and I should do this for them as Katie was ill and couldn’t be without the dog (it is not a service animal).
Dan expected me to pay for a room for them and the dog. I had distressed Katie so much. I then refused and said if the dog bites me I will press charges. Katie and Dan spent the night at the train station. The group is on my side but am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ at all, is this a joke? Your friends are massive jerks, to just expect you to constantly pay and go out of your way for them, wanting to steal a server tip to cover their share of a bill, before you and others have to cover it, getting wasted and throwing up in a taxi incurring a fine, which is your fault, because you should have just let him throw up in your car?
Insisting you book rooms at a dog-friendly hotel, where they then not only don’t get themselves and their dangerous and uncontrolled dog a room, but just assume they should be allowed to sneak into your room, AND THAT THEY SHOULD GET THE BED?!?! And YOU SHOULD SLEEP IN A SLEEPING BAG???
This is just wild, if true you need to dump these users masquerading as friends, the only way you’ll be the jerk is to yourself if you keep allowing them to walk all over you like this. They are not friends.” Simple_Knowledge6423
Another User Comments:
“This is legit a hot mess that they created for themselves. No, you are NTJ. Why are they going out repeatedly on everyone else’s dime expecting that everyone else picks up the tab? Why are they constantly bringing their poorly trained dog out with them everywhere and expecting everyone else to make concessions?
No one forced them to drink until they were intoxicated. Sounds like they did because someone else was picking up the tab, but they’re adults and should know better. Please stop hanging out with these people. They’re users.” Snackinpenguin
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
If Katie is ill she needs to stay home, not go to a hotel. I think you need to rethink these relationships. They seem like users and the relationships aren’t mutually beneficial anymore.” ApprehensiveBook4214
13. AITJ For Wanting To Take Back The Car I Co-Own With My Irresponsible Ex?
“I (24f) got a car with my ex (23f) and once we split we decided that as long as all the bills were paid by her she could have it as I already had a car, she did not.
She didn’t have enough credit to get a car on her own so I’m the main title-owner/lienholder. Months later I got a license suspension pending letter for both our licenses for unpaid tolls. I notified her through text (our only communication way this whole story) and she paid them.
It happened once again for tolls but she paid that too, so I thought nothing of it.
A month later after that, I got another license suspension pending for not paying insurance for 3+ months meaning she canceled her insurance or just stopped paying. I texted “That’s not what we agreed. You’re risking my legal driving ability because you won’t be responsible.
We have to get my name off or do something to figure this out so I won’t have any more issues.” She got new insurance and fixed it, so I gave her until the end of Sept (as she works as a teacher) I gave her time to get back to work and see if she could get a bank loan so we could transfer the title/loan to her and we can figure this it cordially.
I texted her that if I got any more mail regarding my liability I would see her next in court though. She stated would love to get this figured out and agreed to it but that I shouldn’t be mad at her. I ignored them cause she’s always been manipulating like that.
She’s an immigrant so any legal problems could get her citizenship revoked. I thought that would wake her up enough to be responsible. 4 months later I got another suspension for a red light ticket she never paid. When we got the car It came with a tracker app and I put my email and password under it.
When we broke up I gave her the info but once I got the first suspension warning I changed the password for the app so I could continue to have access to where the car was as I was 2 hr away. I told her I would give her the info once we got the title transferred over or the loan paid off.
She agreed but the next day said she didn’t feel comfortable and asked for the new password so we could “share” the account. Mind you she can cancel and delete the account with the login info so I didn’t respond as wasn’t feeding into it anymore.
So my friend and I came up with a plan to go get a spare key and get the car back and either keep it and pay for it myself and keep the car or voluntarily revoke it. I know she will try and shame me for it so I wanted to come in here and ask if I’m going too far with this as once she comes in contact with me I might give in to her shaming even if I’m right as it happened in the past. Haven’t gone through with it yet but I’m just so tired and scared of what might happen so I’m asking y’all.
So would I be the jerk for doing this or am I just protecting my peace?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – Take the car back. She has gone back on the original deal by constantly putting you and her in jeopardy of license suspension. She will of course beg, plead, threaten, and all other types of coercion to try to get it back.
But tell her, fine once she pays all outstanding tickets, fees, and the balance of the car and goes to transfer it in her name only then she can have it back. Not before. Enough of her nonsense.” PumpkinPowerful3292
Another User Comments:
“I was in a similar situation.
Take the car, hold it hostage, name your price, and she can have it with a title transfer when she pays for it in full. Sell it for a price that is cheaper than what she can buy on the market. Have a contract in place and a time limit.
Don’t budge. If it’s not completely sold by [X] time, you’ll be keeping or reselling it. Her immigration status is irrelevant, you’re her ex, not her parent. She’s an adult. It’s HER responsibility. I say this as a child of immigrants who did everything they could to stay in this country.
They would’ve been terrified to get deported. You’re NTJ but you also need to take action so you don’t have any regrets or legal issues if and when she has a bigger mess up. I get you’re a nice person and just want to help, but you can’t help people who won’t help themselves.” OkieDokiePokieeeee
Another User Comments:
“Wow. NTJ you are patient. The second violation would be me giving an ultimatum. The third will be repossession on my side. No waiting, no arguments. Fail me three times. Everything is terminated” Crazy_Past6259
12. AITJ For Refusing To Cook For My Sister's Event At My House?
“My sister and niece asked my mom (f65) if she could contribute to an event they are having by making a traditional Mexican dish.
The food they request is very tedious and takes a long to prepare. The problem is my mom doesn’t have a kitchen to cook in. She has a property but only has a small RV she ripped apart and made into a huge bedroom.
No bath and no kitchen. She is a single woman who depends on herself financially. I recently got her onto a side hustle which she has made into her full-time job and she does it all day. When my niece asked her for the favor she couldn’t say no, and of course they didn’t take into account that she had nowhere to make the food.
I brought it up to my sister and asked her if she was aware that she didn’t have anywhere to cook. She quickly said, “Well she can go to your house.”
I said well maybe she can go to hers and she said no she doesn’t have time.
My mom called me and asked me to go ahead and start on the food and she would come to start preparing it. Mind you the event is four days away. I told her it was too soon and I had other things I needed to do.
She responded to just go ahead and get it started so it can be ready. I was upset because I had some good news come in and was planning on having a little celebratory dinner with my little family. Well needless to say I was in the kitchen all day and she never came.
On top of everything I still have mommy duties. This morning she called me as usual to see if I started everything and I said yes but that she needs to tell my sister that next time she requests her cooking she needs to do it at her house and she can help prepare this dish.
My mom got upset and said I was making a big deal of nothing and I was complaining too much. I told her I’d just go ahead and talk to my sister and she got defensive and said “No don’t tell your sister anything, leave her alone and just help me with this.” I said I would help but she needs to learn to tell my sister no when she asks for things.
My mom never tells her no and they always include me without asking. The other problem is that she is addicted to her side hustle and does not take time off to get things done. Therefore, she was gonna leave me hanging making pretty much everything and I still had to clean up after.
I talked to my sister and she also went off on me saying that I had time because I’m a stay at home mom. So is she but she doesn’t have babies and she just doesn’t like to be inconvenienced. I said why can’t she do it at her house and she said she doesn’t wanna deal with all the mess and they were already having the event there.
They are both mad at me but I don’t feel responsible for any of this.
I feel guilty now for putting my mom in an awkward position and now I feel like the bad guy. But I didn’t sign up for it and I’m tired of being a doormat and being ignored. So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“ESH. Honestly, don’t finish cooking it. You are enabling her behavior by doing what she expects you to do, therefore ESH. Tell her to come pick the food up and finish it elsewhere, or it’s going in the trash. But don’t hand the food over until she’s paid you for everything you spent on ingredients.” Katiew84
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – But you need to do exactly what you are telling your Mom to do when your sister ropes your Mom into these ridiculous endeavors and that would be NO. Tell both your Mom and sister NO the next they go ahead and assume you will just go along.
If you don’t these people will continue to take advantage of you. If you want your Mom to say no to your sister, you have to say no yourself to your Mom.” PumpkinPowerful3292
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Ok, so your mother decides that you should help her because SHE says so, and then you don’t go because SHE decided not to go.
Oops, start rejecting those attempts to get you into that situation, if they want to do something, let them do it themselves and not drag you into things you never agreed to.” Roroin
11. AITJ For Considering Skipping My Ex-Partner's Memorial?
“My (49M) ex-partner from college and after, Elizabeth (48), died of cirrhosis after years of heavy drinking.
We got together freshman year and were together for seven years, living together after college for two. Long story short: We were budding heavy drinkers. Elizabeth was 21 when her mother died from a booze-related illness. Her father died from heavy drinking. My family has untreated heavy drinking.
Eventually, Elizabeth left me and moved out over my drinking, and several years later she led an intervention that got me into rehab. I’ve been sober for 22 years. The last time Elizabeth and I spoke was about 20 years ago when I made amends to her.
She thanked me politely and told me she was happy for me, and that she never wanted to see me again. At the time, she was engaged to a guy I knew to be a jerk, and I warned her against it. As you can imagine, that nugget didn’t go over well and she married him.
(Note to people making amends: Don’t talk about anyone but yourself and the person you’re speaking with.)
Elizabeth died the day after Christmas 2023. She was found alone at the bottom of a stairwell in her home after our mutual friend from college (and mine since high school, Circe, 49F) called in a wellness check.
Circe informed me about the circumstances and told me she’d keep me up to date on plans. She also told me that Elizabeth lost everything: Her husband (who left her for his younger assistant, I kid you not), custody of children, home, job, money, everything.
Last week I got an email from a different mutual friend with plans for the memorial. Circe called me soon after to say she hoped I’d be there (FWIW, I see Circe and her family several times a year and we rarely discuss Elizabeth; my choice).
I told her I’d have to think seriously about it.
Circe suggested the memorial would be a good time to let Elizabeth’s friends and remaining family, particularly her children, know the positive effect she had on so many people as a result of the intervention 22 years before.
Because Elizabeth got me sober, I could talk about all the people I got sober (friends, a couple of relatives, my best friend from high school who has dedicated her life to working with heavy drinkers as a result) who are quite literally countless.
I said I thought that was a great idea in theory, but the message I always got from Elizabeth after we split was that I was an unwelcomed person to her and that a few of her friends and family, including her ex-husband, definitely felt the same way.
She said they’d put it aside for the memorial, but I can’t help thinking there would be a lot of resentment that I was able to get sober and stay sober, live a relatively stable life afterward, and Elizabeth’s life, from what I understand, was one long, slow spiral.
So: WIBTJ if I skipped the service(s)? The memorial is at the end of September.”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. The last thing you understood was that Elizabeth never wanted to see you again. You have no way of knowing how many of her friends and family she expressed that too.
There’s a caveat in Step Nine about, as long as it would not cause any more harm (I don’t know exactly how it’s worded, but I have been the recipient of two Step Nine conversations). I think that’s a good rule here too.
There is every potential that this devolves into a scene that harms everyone, including you. Take care of yourself. Please consider reaching out to your sponsor and/or going to a meeting. You will have processing and grieving to do, no matter how long it has been.” Independent_Prior612
Another User Comments:
“I think going off the last contact you had with her is the way to go. Unless she put it in her will that y’all are cool or a family member reaches out and personally invites you. If you’d like, you can write a nice letter focusing on the positive things you remember, and maybe Circe or someone can read it at the memorial if the family is cool with that.
Or just have her give it to the family and they can read it on their terms. Send your condolences and best wishes to the family and maybe some flowers and say that you are respecting Elizabeth’s wishes as best you understand them from the last time y’all spoke but you will always be grateful for her intervention.
No jerks here.” burnbeforeburning
Another User Comments:
“You would not be the jerk. You have been estranged for 20 years, and your sobriety is not a trophy or theatrical event to show off at someone else’s request. Congrats on your sobriety, my condolences on the loss of someone very important in your life at one point, and don’t feel bad about not taking part in an event for someone who went from a loved one to someone that you used to know.” verminiusrex
10. AITJ For Kicking Out My Disrespectful Freeloading Friend?
“A few years ago, I (27 non-binary) offered to let my friend (27 m male) move in with me and my wife (27 female), because he was miserable where he was living, and we agreed he’d stay with us for a year or two until he had some money saved up.
We paid for the plane ticket, helped him get a job, and drove him around since he didn’t have a car.
We agreed on a rent price just to help out with bills and groceries. Everything seemed fine at first, but then he stopped helping out with chores, his room started getting more and more disgusting, and he’d leave trash all over the house.
We talked to him about helping out with chores, and even offered to try a chore chart or something like that (we’re all pretty neurodivergent). Nothing would stick more than a week or two, and when we would talk to him about it, it “wasn’t his fault that he couldn’t remember.”
It was getting so bad that our whole house started to smell bad because he wouldn’t shower. We asked to know when people would be over, especially since he was on the night shift and would hang out with people while we were gone. But there were several times when we caught him lying about having people over without telling us.
Finally, a few months ago, we told him it was time to look for a place to live outside our house. He found a place on eBay, moved out and a week later he was told he had to move out at the end of the month (it wasn’t exactly clear how legal everything was, but he didn’t want to do anything about it).
A week after that, he was let go from his job. He was on unemployment and getting a severance package.
We agreed to let him move in for a month, rent-free, to try to get his feet under him, but only for one month. We got it all in writing and everything.
He was immediately as messy and gross as he had been, he never left the house, and he ate only takeout for all month. He kept telling us he was applying for jobs, but he never seemed to get any calls for interviews. Whenever we would ask if he wanted to move home, he yelled at us that we couldn’t force him to go back home.
We let it go. We offered to pay for a plane to him get back to his hometown if he wanted, but said that he still needed to out by the end of the month. Well, the month passed, and he didn’t have a plan.
He refused to buy a plane ticket home (due to car troubles we couldn’t afford it anymore) because he didn’t have any money and he couldn’t take all his stuff on a plane by himself. We offered to ship anything back that he couldn’t take.
He didn’t like that. So finally my wife told him that he needed to call someone and find a place to go, and he refused to leave. They had a screaming match, he refused to call anyone, and ultimately he ended up going to the homeless shelter nearby.
It’s been a week since then, and his parents just came and picked him and his stuff up. They didn’t talk to us as they picked up his stuff.
Am I the jerk for kicking him out?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You can’t adult for another adult, and you did more than was necessary.
You’d be the jerk if you kept at it because it’s harder to hit rock bottom at 37,47, or 57 than it will be today at 27 for him.” Petefriend86
Another User Comments:
“Now you know why he was miserable where he was living. There was backlash over his ridiculous conduct and lack of it.
A couple of idioms apply here. One is don’t bite the hand that feeds you. The other is ‘Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me. NTJ.” Scenarios
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You were more than generous. You’re not obliged to have your life so severely impacted by a friend’s behavior forever, with not even a plan on when it will end or how to make it better.
His parents didn’t speak to you about it because they are upset with you but at the same time, they know they don’t have a good reason to be. And they know what it was like to live with their son, so they could also be just plain embarrassed about the whole thing.” 1962Michael
9. AITJ For Wanting To Confront My Ex About Favoring Our Son Over Our Daughter?
“My daughter (16f) lives 50/50 with myself and her dad. This year her birthday (16th) fell on a day she was at his house.
I asked her well ahead of time what her plans were and she said she would be going to the city with friends for food and shopping.
She has struggled to form good friendships and I was delighted for her that she was settling into a group and spending time with them.
The day before her birthday she called me late in the evening, very upset. She explained that all her friends had bailed and said they couldn’t go out with her for her birthday, they all had random excuses and my daughter was understandably upset.
Then she told me that she didn’t know what to do instead, as her dad and brother (my son 14) had told her that they didn’t want to go to the city and had already made plans to spend time together, without her. Her dad told her also that as he was taking our son out for his birthday soon he couldn’t afford to take her on a birthday outing too.
I had to bite my tongue. I was devastated for her. To be rejected by her friends and then coldly rejected by her father and brother must have felt harsh. I didn’t want to stir up trouble by saying anything mean about her dad (I will speak to my son directly about his part in this when I see him next – I’m sure he was following his father’s lead, as he and my daughter are actually very close).
Anyway, I took my daughter to the city, we shopped and lunched and had a nice day and made her 16th memorable and fun. But, I’m so hopping mad with her dad. He is a difficult man, so even though I sometimes disagree with his parenting choices I stay out of it, but this feels harmful to our daughter, especially as he expressed he would be spending time and money to celebrate our son’s birthday.
I feel like I want to bring it up with him and help him understand how hurtful it was for him to act this way with her. My daughter is so manipulated by him that she felt guilty having been expecting him to take her to the city instead, she was all “Poor dad he can’t afford it and he didn’t want to go and now I feel bad that he feels bad” and it made me scream inside to hear this, cause this is exactly the kind of invalidating gaslighting stuff he did to me – despite being badly let down on her 16th birthday, she had somehow ended up feeling bad for him!
There is no question that her dad could afford it. He spends a lot of money on our son, takes him on a long weekend fishing trip, buys him the best sports gear for his hobbies and even takes him abroad, twice, to watch the Football Championships (very expensive trips), but makes no effort with our daughter.
He seems blind to the fact he is setting the benchmark for all her future relationships and it leaves her feeling worthless and she can’t even articulate that. She cries a lot, says she is lonely, and has very low self-esteem and I’m starting to understand this may be a big part of the reason why.
WIBTJ if I confronted him about it?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. My heart breaks for your daughter that she experienced that on her birthday, but good on you for trying to make up for it. Her Dad is coming off like he has no care for her feelings at all.
It was HER BIRTHDAY. Her “friends” bailed on her. Surely he could have rescheduled whatever he had planned with his son and tried to save the day and make her birthday special. To tell her he was saving up for *their son’s birthday* so couldn’t afford to take her on her birthday is so messed up.
Like she is less than her brother. Ugh. This absolutely warrants confronting him. He needs to be made aware of the emotional/mental impact this likely has on his child.” Stranger0nReddit
Another User Comments:
“NTJ get it in print! Do it over text and save them then ask if your daughter wants to not visit him.
Adjust both custody time and child support. Maybe having to pay more money in upkeep will motivate him to be a father and ground your son he is on the path to uselessness. Your ex is teaching him by example that women don’t matter and guys get everything ” New_Day684.
Another User Comments:
“Your daughter is old enough that you can tell her what you just wrote here. Make sure to stay calm but tell her your experience and how it affected you and that you are worried that she is feeling it too. Offer if she wants to go to therapy with or without you and make sure she feels heard.
Amazingly, you are trying not to be mean about her dad around her but you can be truthful and focused on her.” BigLilLinds
8. AITJ For Not Letting My Friend Stay At My Place Due To Her Family Drama?
“I (21f) am a senior in college trying to earn my bachelor’s in illustration. I’m living in a two-bedroom apartment with a new roommate, with my parents paying half of my rent, and I’m currently stuck with a problem with a friend I’ve known since my sophomore year.
I’m just going to name her Erin for now.
I’ve known Erin (35f) since she started working at McDonald’s. I worked there for about a year when she joined. Erin was the only employee I could talk to, becoming close friends in the process. Besides my roommate, she was one of the only people I could talk to, especially as most of my support group doesn’t live in the same city as me.
Now, as we have separate jobs, we still hang out together. However, there has been a feud in Erin’s family that has caused her apartment to get involved. I don’t believe I need to speak about her issues online but there was a criminal dispute with her brother and partner that caused the apartment to step in.
With Erin’s eviction court date tomorrow, it’s most likely she’ll completely lose her apartment. She’s on a waiting list for other places but she’s quite low on that list, possibly close to being stuck in a shelter.
Here’s the problem, the drama with her brother and dad is so complicated and if I’m willing to take her in, I could possibly get into that drama and be stuck with two deadbeats that could possibly try and take over my place.
I’ve been doing good to stay out but Erin has been enabling their behavior for years that I’m scared they’re going to get me involved and I could get kicked out of my own apartment because of them. Her partner is the only one I trust in this situation but because of his current criminal charge, because she enables them, I don’t want my apartment to also step in and kick me out too when I’m so close to the finish line.
I need to finish school badly and I feel like this situation is not only stressing me out but it’s causing me to regress in school when I’m so close. I’m also 21, I’m still trying to find my own fitting and I feel like I’m getting thrown into a whole lot of family drama that’s possibly older than I am.
I’ve talked to her about my concerns about the drama but she’s been silent for most of it.
I feel like I could be the bad guy for saying no, and I don’t want to lose my close friend over something I can’t control. My parents and other friends are on my side, including my dad who’s been through this stuff, especially working as a police officer.
However, I don’t think they realize what I go through and think it’s easy, but it’s not easy. Her partner seems to be stuck in the middle, which I completely understand. He wants the best for her but knows the concerns with the drama and my possible final decision.
I think getting help from others might help me move forward as the court date approaches.
Would I be the jerk for not letting my friend stay at my place because of a drama I don’t want to be involved in, and could possibly be kicked out because of it, despite her situation of possibly being evicted?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Read your lease. It almost certainly says something about not allowing overnight visitors for long periods of time. That’s pretty standard because landlords don’t want people renting apartments and then filling the apartment a lot of other subtenants. Letting others stay with you could get you evicted. Also, your roommate only agreed to live with one roommate (you), not you and whomever needs a place to lay their head.
“Sorry, it’s against the terms of my lease to let others live with me.”” teresajs
Another User Comments:
“NTJ…Just tell her no. She is being evicted for a reason. You cannot take a chance on the same happening to you. Would she even be allowed to live with you?
I am pretty sure your lease might state otherwise. She has a partner. Why can’t she live with him?” Worth-Season3645
Another User Comments:
“It’s hard to say if the “drama” is a risk to you since you won’t give details but regardless you don’t need to house your friend.
As you said, you’re young and need to focus on school. I’m sure your roommate doesn’t want extra people in your place either.” LongjumpingSnow6986
7. AITJ For Wanting To Switch Roommates Over Her Messy Habits And Lack Of Communication?
“I, 18F, have a roommate 18F. We moved into college dorms last month, and I am having problems. She is dirty and hasn’t cleaned since we moved in a month ago.
She leaves food everywhere, her hair is all over the ground, never does laundry, and she has trash under her bed. The trash is often overflowing. I don’t really care about her side it’s gross but not my business.
I filled out our roommate’s contract and asked her to read it and either add to it or just sign it.
In the contract, I stated that we would take turns cleaning the shared areas (bathroom and hallway/sink) and taking out the trash, emphasizing that we would not let it overflow. She started helping with the trash a bit but now isn’t doing it again.
The floor is covered in her hair in every single corner, and I have to vacuum every day. She even left a glob of shampoo on the shower floor. Last week, she had to look through the trash after losing her dorm key (which she accused me of throwing out and she later found in her pocket) and left the trash she had gone through at the door.
All she has to do is take it down the hall to the trash chute.
I’m not saying anything because I don’t like telling people what to do, she may be depressed or something so I don’t want to make it worse if that’s what it is, and feel guilty since sometimes we get along.
My friend and I have been brainstorming ways to approach the topic, but I’m worried that after last night, I may have made things worse.
Last night, I was doing my hair with my lamp on and the lights off; it was around midnight.
She went to sleep for a couple of hours, then woke up, which she often does. While she was sleeping, I had the lights off and my desk lamp on, but when she woke up and was talking on the phone, I turned the hallway light back on to see better.
I finished at 5 a.m., and she never mentioned that the light was bothering her. I understand it was late, so I was mindful, but when I realized she wasn’t sleeping, I felt comfortable turning the light on. Today, I cleaned as usual while she did nothing.
I decided to leave the shower and bathroom to see if she would do it and went to study. She did not clean but was talking on the phone, so I said nothing. That’s when she told me I kept her up all night with the light, and I had to apologize.
She said she was on the phone because she couldn’t sleep but never told me the light was bothering her. I don’t understand why she didn’t say anything last night which is another reason I am uncomfortable as she is very standoffish toward me and only talks when she feels like it.
Now if I say anything about her habits, I will come off as petty. I’m now considering switching roommates because I believe she should be more responsible, and I don’t want to teach her how to be an adult. I also know that I am getting to the point of anger and believe my words will come out harsh.
Am I in the wrong for having the light on, and is it unreasonable to switch roommates without saying anything?”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here Honestly it sounds like both of you just don’t know how to live with other people. That doesn’t make either one of you a jerk, but it also doesn’t mean you don’t need to work on a few things.
Living with any other adult means you have to communicate with them. It sounds like you have been subtly trying to tell her that you need a cleaner space, but have you ever just straight-up verbally said that? The way you are getting irritated but not willing to talk about the problem is likely how she felt about the light being on.
You have got to have a conversation or else the resentment will just fester until it erupts. There is nothing wrong with needing a new roommate but chances are they are going to have annoying habits as well. Take this opportunity to try to work through your struggles, and if you still need a new roommate afterward at least you can walk away knowing you tried everything to make it work.” GildedPoison
Another User Comments:
“NTJ for moving out. You are not obligated to tell her the reason why you are moving out and at 18 that’s a tough conversation to have. I would however ask if her mental health is doing okay as this seems like a person who is struggling.
I would notify the dorm manager and have them do a mental health assessment when you ask to move out. That being said, I would be pretty annoyed if you turned a light on at 5:00 am, but she could have asked you to turn it off.” Lonely_Second_55
Another User Comments:
“Nah, YWNBTJ. Had a similar experience, except both me and my roommate are M. The Dude was a nightmare, never wanted to clean anything, and just threw trash all over the place. I was a naive boy and kept cleaning and tidying, trying to convince him to do his part, and kept getting empty promises.
What’s even worse is that we were BFFs at the time. At one point I stopped trying and let it all go to garbage. The apartment looked like a landfill (except for my corner) and, of course, he went with the “aren’t you gonna clean this mess” approach.
I moved out the next day, although I did inform him. So no, you ain’t the jerk. You’re not obligated to be someone’s cleaning lady, nor to put up with bad attitudes.” LovecraftsCat666
6. AITJ For Not Inviting My Estranged Sister To My Elopement?
“To give you a brief backstory, my sister and I are two years apart and she despised me growing up. And not just the normal sibling hate, she truly despised me.
When I was 18, I was seeing a guy from our friend group. He ended up being unfaithful to my best friend and being an jerk. When we broke up, he told the whole friend group a bunch of lies and everyone exiled me from the group.
My sister included, she believed everything he said. I ended up seeing another guy from the group a while after. He was the only person who would talk to me and would be nice to me but was someone my sister had a crush on.
He had no feelings towards her and never liked her. We were together for about a month or two. It’s important to note my sister and I worked at the same daycare at this time. She decided to write in our group chat that I was a loose woman and a man stealer.
(She did have a partner at this time.)
A year or so go by and we end up living together for a short period of time and we get along pretty well for the first time. Her partner was kind of demeaning towards me and always made jokes that made me sound stupid, but I always just shrugged it off because they were jokes.
Flash forward she’s about to get married and she wants me to be the maid of honor and officiate the wedding. I said yes because she said it would be really important to her because I know their love story the most apparently. The whole thing was a mess because I’d never done any of that before and she only wanted to communicate through text.
She always took what I was saying as having an attitude when I would just be asking questions. The wedding was also a mess and she was a total bridezilla the whole day. She called me stupid periodically when I asked her what she needed. Had me do a bunch of the wedding party hair because I’m a hairstylist, but never paid me.
Which is fine, but I didn’t plan to do that and I had a lot of responsibilities that day.
Now flash forward to my elopement. I bought a dress from a marketplace alone, with no one. But wanted to try on dresses with my mom and when we did, I ended up finding a dress that I wanted so I bought it.
I sent it to everyone afterward saying sorry they couldn’t be there, but I wasn’t planning on buying a dress. Everyone was super excited. Except for her, she was upset. She told me that she wasn’t going to talk to me until she was ready because she was upset.
Months go by and she doesn’t talk to me. She only talks to me at family events. I talked to her a few times but that’s it. Then I got a text about a month before the elopement saying how dare I not invite her.
I tried to be nice at first and said it was just because we only had the parents and our closest friends going. But she doesn’t understand and continues to argue so I told her I simply don’t want her there and she says that I’m a mean person.
So.. am I?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ She is your sister and yet she doesn’t act like one. More like a bully you had no choice but to grow up with by the sounds of it. I suggest low contact with her so you can focus on living your life with peace without her voice pestering you.” FunSizedKola
Another User Comments:
“Everyone’s a jerk. Despite your joint animosity, she invited you to her wedding and even made you MOH. However, months went by without her talking to you because “She told me that she wasn’t going to talk to me until she was ready”.
That makes it rather difficult to invite her.” extinct_diplodocus
5. AITJ For Being Upset My Mom Crashed My Dinner Date After Vacation?
“So me (25F) and my partner (30M) had a nice dinner planned for the both of us after I had been to Greece with my mom on a vacation for 8 days. My mom and I had the best time and had a lot of fun and deep conversations and I told her I was going to go get dinner with my partner of almost 6 years today after the vacation to talk about the vacation and tell and show him everything.
My mom then subtly inclined that she would also love to be there to talk about the vacation with us, where I politely declined and told her that after 8 days of not seeing my partner I would love to have dinner with him alone to catch up after everything because I missed him very much and that I would love to catch up with the four of us (my dad includes) next week or so.
The vacation then went on and when we arrived back 2 days ago everything was fine, till 5 hours ago. I was looking forward to this evening and was preparing everything to show my partner and was excited as we pulled up to the restaurant in the car, but then I saw my parents’ car also parked there, I pointed it out to my partner who thought not much of it and I also thought that because we were going to dinner my mom must have been jealous and choose to also go to another restaurant in the neighborhood or to the same dinner but still respect boundaries and ask for another table.
We then walked over to check in where they had the papers with names on them and I quickly checked to see her name above mine. My heart instantly sank as I just wanted a quiet evening with my partner talking about the fun we had.
So I was a bit disappointed and also frustrated that my mom did not respect my boundaries. When the waiter led us to our table I saw my mom and dad smirking. While walking to the table I blurted out: I do not like this, I do not like this at all.
(In Dutch) Which honestly could have been more tactic than this but I was also high in emotion. My mom then stood while I was sitting down and said angrily that if I did not like it she would leave and stormed off while I said to her to sit down so we could talk about it.
She then stormed off to the car while my dad stayed seated and also called after her, he then said to me that I knew how my mom was and that it would be okay but that he was going to follow her now. Leaving my partner and me stunned.
I understand that my mom wanted to surprise me and to talk about the vacation together but she did not respect my boundaries and went to do this without communicating with either me or my partner that she wanted to come. But I did hurt her feelings by reacting this way.
She also does not want to talk to me at the moment and ignores my calls and messages meanwhile my dad said to give her a few days that I know how my mom behaves and to try to talk it out later. So am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. what, did she call and add herself to the reservation??? You clearly expressed your desire for one-on-one time with your person and even offered up another option (dinner next week, plus dad can join) and she went behind your back to do what she wanted anyway.
And your dad enabling that behavior makes me angry for you. She crossed a MAJOR boundary and expected you to thank her for it, that can’t be excused with a “you know how your mom is”. Maybe you could apologize for your reaction if it makes you feel better but I don’t consider what she did acceptable.” hotguysarehot
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Your mother is an adult and a parent. If she has to throw a public fit because you want a dinner alone then you can wait for her to calm down. She isn’t a toddler or an animal, you cannot and do not need to soothe her.
No offense to your mother, of course, but if her hurt feelings mean she needs to make a whole public thing out of it then you would be harming yourself to try to fix that. Only she can fix that.” mlc885
Another User Comments:
“NTJ I would’ve rolled my eyes, turned around, and gone to a different restaurant instead of going in.
Like I get she’s so excited to talk about the trip as well, but maybe find someone else to share it with, or wait another week until you all get together?” Wickermoss
4. AITJ For Texting My Male Neighbor About Police Presence At His House?
“I (30F) moved into a neighborhood about three and a half years ago.
In the first few months, I often had my parents over to help with yard work as the backyard was a huge undertaking. A neighbor (50+) down the street would often pop by while we were out to talk and even gave me his number if I needed anything (I was living alone at the time).
During the landscaping overhaul, I was getting rid of a ton of river rocks that were scattered throughout the backyard and said neighbor mentioned he wanted them. So I would text him when we had another load of river rocks to get rid of and then he would come pick them up.
He is a very nice guy and made me feel super welcome in the neighborhood. He would always stop and say hello when he drove past me in his car, and I was out walking my dogs.
A few months into living here, I noticed there were cops at his house, so I texted him something along the lines of “Hey, saw the cops at your place.
Hope everything is okay.” He responded that he was out of the country, but it was good to know, and he would check in with his wife.
Since living here, we would do the occasional pleasantries when he would walk or drive by. Up until today, I’ve never met his wife or even seen her.
I was out walking my dogs and happened to pass my neighbor who I assume is his wife. When I walk the dogs, I typically have my AirPods to listen to music. I didn’t think much of it when I walked by them, did the neighborly smile, and kept walking until I heard my name.
My neighbor yelled my name and asked about my dogs, I answered and then kept walking.
All was fine until I got a visitor at my front door about 30 minutes later. I go outside to chat as my dogs are barking, and the lady introduces herself as my neighbor’s wife.
She starts talking about how I “called” (not true) her husband while he was out of town about the police being at her house. Truth be told, I completely forgot about it until she detailed it a little bit more. She goes on to tell me she’s been “angry for the past three years” about this and wanted to clear the air.
Confused, I explained that my intent in the text was to just say that I hoped everything was okay and was not done in a prying manner. She said regardless, if I cared, I should have come up to their house and knocked on the door to check on them.
My neighbor’s wife then goes on to say that “as a woman” I should have gone to her and not her husband. Again, I’ve never talked to or seen her and only had her husband’s number at the time. I explained that, but she said it was still inappropriate that I reached out to her husband as I’m a woman.
I thought I was doing the right thing to check on someone who had been super nice to me, but the way she talked about it and the fact that she has been “angry for the past three years” is really making me think I did something wrong.
AITJ for texting my male neighbor to check to make sure he was okay?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – You didn’t even know he had a wife until recently and not before you texted him on the police. You were never formally introduced or anything.
You should have told her this when she went off on berating you and asked why didn’t SHE come and introduce herself over the past three years if she was bothered. Surprised they are still married given their two extremely opposite personalities.” PumpkinPowerful3292
Another User Comments:
“Showing up in the middle of what could be a bad situation with cops around and getting in the way of whatever is happening?? Noo. Texting to say hope all ok, yes! It’s courteous, and safer, doesn’t stick your nose in like going over to see what’s happening would.
NTJ. It sounds like the wife didn’t know who you were either until she saw your dogs and put it together maybe? Like the husband said the neighbor with the dogs told me, and the wife didn’t know that was you – might not have even known you were a woman until she saw you out with the dogs.” Rare_Sugar_7927
Another User Comments:
“NTJ you were being nice and checking in to make sure everything was ok. Text was the easiest way to do that. If you HAD gone up to the house she would have had a problem with it as he was out of the country at the time and then she would have seen it as you being noisy.
There was no winning with this in regard to her reaction. You did nothing wrong.” FlashySong6098
3. AITJ For Asking My Mom To Get Off Her Phone During Our Dinner?
“A couple of years ago, I (25F) accepted an offer to my dream job which was several states away from my hometown. I planned a quick trip to my new city to go apartment hunting.
Before the trip, I did a lot of research on the area, narrowed it down to my top choices, and then set up tours with those apartment complexes. I asked my mom (45F) to go with me on the trip. We were very close and I thought it would be nice to spend some quality time together before I moved away.
I booked (and paid for) our flights and hotel.
We went on the trip and toured the apartments as planned and everything was going well. After the tours, the choice was pretty easy for me so I was excited to have found an apartment and was looking forward to spending the rest of the trip just having fun.
We headed to a restaurant to eat and when we got in the car, my mom jumped on her phone and started googling apartments in the area and suggesting new places to look. I patiently listened to her suggestions, thanked her for her help, and just told her that I liked the one we already went to so I was just going to go with that one.
She continued to google more places. I tried pointing out cool things about the city along the way, but she was so into her phone that she wasn’t paying attention.
We sat down at the table for our meal and she immediately got her phone out and was still looking at apartments in the area.
I was trying to be polite and respond positively but I could tell she was frustrated/hurt that I wasn’t taking her suggestions. I tried to mention again that I had already decided and then tried to change the subject a couple of times but she still wouldn’t get off her phone and barely made eye contact with me the whole meal. By this point, I was hurt and said something along the lines of “Hey, I love you and I know you’re trying to help but can you please get off your phone and just spend some time with me?”
She was livid and said she couldn’t believe I dared to ask her to get off her phone. She called me ungrateful and told me I had control issues for trying to tell her what to do. She said she felt criticized and that nothing was ever good enough for me.
The evening ended with her telling me she doesn’t know how I have friends at all because she doesn’t know how anyone could want to spend time around me.
Today, my mother doesn’t talk to me, and when I ask why she says it’s because I’m unbearably mean and references examples like this.
I feel heartbroken for hurting my mom and often kick myself for not just keeping my mouth shut, but I also feel like it was a reasonable request and if the roles were reversed, I would want my daughter to say the same thing to me.
I’m happy to answer any clarifying questions and genuinely thankful for your response.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your mom is the controlling one who uses emotional manipulation and silent treatment to try to shame and coerce you. Please read Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents.
You’ll see her more clearly. You were doing exactly what a healthy parent would be cheering their adult children on to do, and be encouraging, happy for them, and proud of them. She made it all about her. Focus on living your life without misplaced guilt, grieve the loss of the mom you thought you had, and wish her well in your heart, but do not fall prey to her toxic behavior.
Healthy adults/parents do not act like this, and you can’t control her behavior, but you can control how you respond, and protect your mental health and wellbeing.” Antelope_31
Another User Comments:
“NTJ you had already made your decision and your mother couldn’t accept that and continued to go against your wishes of not continuing to look for apartments.
If I was 1 on 1 at dinner with someone else I would want them to put their phone away as well and spend time with me, not to mention you seem to have said it nicely and respectfully. Her response was childish and she needs to learn that she will not always get her way and not everyone wants what she wants, and also that twiddling on your phone while eating out with someone is rude.” Ok-Formal-8078
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You were old enough to be moving to a new city and making these decisions for yourself. You thought it would be a good bonding experience, and she was the one that ruined it. Maybe she couldn’t handle losing control, but she’s gone about this the wrong way and has manipulated you into making you feel guilty.
She is wasting valuable time on this earth, not talking to you, who she successfully raised to be independent. Her loss” baobab77
2. AITJ For Telling My Bridesmaid To Stop Making My Wedding About Her Loss?
“For backstory, my bridesmaid Lucy (F22) and I (F21) were supposed to grow up together because our parents were friends but they moved away when we were little.
We reconnected, and Lucy planned to move closer to me to attend school so our friendship grew even more. Her dad passed away unexpectedly right after we graduated. I was there for her every step of the way, no matter what she needed I was there.
I knew her dad, but not well (this is important later). Flash forward 3 years, and I’m getting married to my high school sweetheart, Lucy was of course asked to be a bridesmaid because she is one of my best friends, and my maid of honor is my little cousin Maggie (18).
Now Maggie and I were inseparable as kids. My aunt and uncle treated me like their own, I was always at their house and went on family trips with them, my uncle even taught me how to ride a bike because my driveway at home was too rough we remained close our whole lives.
I always told my fiancé that if my father passed away then my Uncle (Maggie’s dad) would walk me down the aisle. Well, a few months ago my uncle passed away in a tragic accident. Our family is still absolutely devastated. I planned a bachelorette trip for my bridesmaids and me which seemed like a great opportunity for me and Maggie especially to let loose and have fun.
I asked my dad to drive. Lucy had made comments to my dad about how she wished her dad was here with us to give him someone to hang out with, as the night wore on the comments had gotten more frequent. She said things such as Man if my dad could see his second daughter getting married, then she started talking about saving him a seat at the wedding (which I had no problem with) however, Maggie was starting to feel uncomfortable.
As the night wore on, the comments worsened.
Finally, Lucy said, I know he (Lucy’s dad) is going to be on your other arm, walking you down the aisle for your wedding day I took one look at Maggie, and we both started crying.
Maggie and I had each gotten tattoos with her dad’s nicknames for us on our wrists, and when we got them we had talked about how he’d be with us on both of our wedding days. After this I had enough of Lucy’s comments as my dad was comforting Maggie, I pulled Lucy aside and told her I understood she missed him, but she needed to stop talking like I was super close to her dad, I told her I wasn’t, the man who was like a second father to me just died, and it’s still hard to think, or talk about him.
I told her the last thing I wanted for Maggie tonight was for her to get upset, and not be able to enjoy herself. I told her that we just wanted to have a fun night and forget our loss, but she wouldn’t stop making it all about her.
Lucy took an Uber, went home, and me and the rest of the bridesmaids still went out and had a good time even Maggie. Lucy hasn’t talked to me since even though I texted her multiple times that I’m sorry. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Odd flex from Lucy, to make it about whose “dead dad” was closer to you. That is bizarre. She sounds pretty immature…but then you all are very young. I think you set appropriate boundaries. Maybe you could have been a bit softer while doing so to spare Lucy’s feelings as she was obviously feeling left out and perhaps jealous of that– if so, apologize for being harsh, but what is described isn’t bad in a really strange scenario.
NTJ–unless you were mean while you talked.” User
Another User Comments:
“You’re not the jerk for standing up for your cousin’s feelings and setting boundaries. It was your special night, and, understandably, you needed to address Lucy’s upsetting comments. It’s tough, but sometimes you have to prioritize the well-being of those closest to you.” Ok-Reward-7193
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Had you just said “These comments about your dad are making us think of the loss we just experienced. Please no more talk about dads.” Instead, you told her you weren’t that close to her dad and said she was making it all about her.
These things are true, but saying them like you did was unnecessarily hurtful.” Miserable_Dentist_70
1. AITJ For Keeping Child Support Money For My Son's Future Instead Of Giving It To His Dad?
“So I have a kid (13M) with a man that I was never married to. We broke up and of course, I found out I was pregnant a month later. We have co-parented since day 1 since my ex wanted to be a father.
As most exes do, we fought often so in the course of the first 6 years of my son’s life, my ex took me to court 3 times. Each time it was with the idea of him being granted full custody and me having to pay him child support.
Well…each time my ex was awarded less time with my son (the original agreement was my ex got him every weekend) and had to pay me more money (the original agreement was $200).
So now he gets him every other weekend, one day during the week, and pays me $500 a month.
Recently my ex has asked me for more time with his son and since I work every weekend, he’d like to get him Friday night-Monday morning every week. I’ve let him know he’s welcome to take him extra if he’d like because I am at work and his son would like to see him.
This then quickly turned to if he takes him “close to 50% of the time” then he shouldn’t pay me child support and he needs that money back to alleviate the financial burden of having his son more. Here are my issues with this.
1. It’s not close to 50% of the time, it’s 2.5 days a week.
Which ends up being two extra days a month than he currently gets because he doesn’t want the 1 day during the week anymore.
2. My son has a Venmo debit card that I put $150 a month onto so that way when he is not with me and his dad wants to go out to eat, my son can pay his part because my ex is always “broke” despite having a nicer car and nicer things in general.
3. My ex has said he’d start paying half of all my son’s expenses, but when I mentioned half of a car, half of car insurance and half of college, he made it clear that he would not be paying half of that because our son should work hard and pay his way.
He said he’d pay for half of his clothes and half of his school lunches instead of paying child support.
Now my guilt comes in because my son LOVES his dad and all the financial stuff and child support I keep from my son. My ex though has made comments to my son about how he can’t afford to take him on trips or do fun things because he gives me all his money.
So here I am having a son that wants to see his dad more and an ex that has said he’d take him more…IF I pay him. While knowing that any major expenses that come up will be handled by me and my ex will most likely tell me he’s broke.
Financially I am doing better than I was 13 years ago, so I’ve finally reached the point where the child support money isn’t being used for bills but instead is in a high-interest savings account for my son for car and school. So I don’t NEED the money but I also am sure that if his dad has that money it won’t be going towards my son’s future.
So AITJ for keeping the child support money for my son’s future at the cost of my son getting two extra days a month with his dad?”
Another User Comments:
“Courts consider child support to be the child’s right, not the parent’s right.
Tell your cheapskate ex no to dropping child support, and tell him that if he tells son ‘you take all his money’ one more time, you’ll let son know how baby daddy pays for support and how much he’s whined about it. NTJ” voyageur1066
Another User Comments:
“My ex complained about paying £300 a month for our 3. I offered to split things 50/50 with him and sent him an itemized bill. His payment would have more than doubled. He stuck with the£300. Didn’t stop him from telling our kids I was a money-grabbing leech, though.
Kept saying that until my eldest pointed out he took his wife and her kids to the Caribbean for 3 weeks every year whilst I went without lots of things just so my kids could participate in clubs and school trips. You are not being unreasonable.
He is prioritizing his car, etc, over his son. Point out that every penny he gives is for his child. Tell him if he wants to pay less, it is up to him to take you back to court. He’s being cheap. And he knows it!” Alwaysorange1234
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You are the consistency in your son’s life – the one he can count on. How about if on his “off” weekends he gets Saturday or Sunday during the day only? That way your son can see his Dad but you are not beholden to giving up every weekend with your son nor are you beholden to cut child support.
The fact your ex won’t even pay for a meal for your son on his days with him speaks volumes.” ZombieHealthy2616
