People Can't Move Past Conflict In These "Am I The Jerk?" Stories
22. AITJ For Wanting To Keep My Sparkling Water To Myself?
“Early on in our marriage, I shared with my wife how my parents would buy treats and not share them with us kids.
We were dirt poor to the point of going hungry, and sometimes they would buy things like ice cream or Fritos or something like that, and it was hands-off for the kids.
So now here we are with four kids of our own. We are not poor, but we are not rich.
We have an overstocked snack cupboard and the kids don’t want for anything. They are free to get snacks as they want. We rarely deny them what they ask for. When we have a treat everyone gets it.
I really enjoy sitting down and drinking a cold sparkling water.
Like a Bubly or a La Croix, etc. It calms me down. My therapist even recommended it as a way to restart. The thing is the kids also love sparkling water, so when we buy a 12-pack, it is gone in less than two days.
Sure, I’ve had a couple, but when I want one again, they are all gone. Sometimes, we will go crazy and buy a couple of Costco packs, which just means that everyone drinks them at double the rate, and when I want one, they are once again gone.
Even if I had expected there to be some.
I don’t think it’s a wise budget move for everyone in the family to constantly be drinking sparkling water, especially when we are trying to save money, but I want one when I want one. My wife and kids think this is selfish, and my wife will remind me what I told her about my own family.
I want to be able to enjoy a sparkling water when I want, without the fear of them being gone. Sometimes, I will hide a couple in the fridge and be extra upset when I discover they are gone. Shouldn’t I, at age 44, be allowed to have something of my own like sparkling water!?
I’ve considered buying my own mini-fridge, but that seems ridiculous, and it’s not cost- or energy-effective, and how would that be different? I’ve asked my family to help me resolve this, and they just think I’m being selfish and should just go without sparkling water when everyone else goes without, and have some when everyone else is having some.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, I don’t think it’s wrong to want your own treat and not have to rush to beat others to it. I came from a family where everything is game and married into one where you gotta ask if someone bought something for themselves.
I like the way the family I married into does it. There’s nothing wrong with setting boundaries on things you buy for yourself as long as you’re cool with the kids and wife also doing that for themselves. But that sort of thing would need to be agreed upon with your wife in order to take effect.
You should talk to your wife about everyone getting to buy one thing that no one else touches (without at least asking first). It’s good to learn boundaries and learn that not everyone’s food is your food.” frickinsleepless
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but the point of a treat is that it is exactly that.
It’s not something that’s on tap (excuse the pun). 1) Get rid of the treat cupboard to start. The fact they can have anything they want, whenever, means they aren’t appreciating it. 2) Go shopping as a family. Give EVERYONE either a budget or a treat limit that they can purchase as they wish.
3) Be clear that these are their treats, and once they are gone, they are gone until the next week. You don’t get to dip into other people’s treats, including your water, unless they are specifically offered to you by the owner.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. When we were kids, my mum always had a bottle of Ribena (gorgeous blackcurrant cordial) that we were never allowed. It was her favourite and we would have downed that bottle in two days. We wanted it. The answer was no. There were plenty of other drinks to be had, and they were ours.
I would get a SodaStream or a similar item from another company. Your kids need to learn that they can’t have everything just because they want it. Sharing only goes so far, and you should be allowed to have your own treats.” PersimmonBasket
21. AITJ For Giving My Friend A List Of My Other Friend's Interests To Help Them Connect?
“My (18f) friend John (18m) confessed that he liked me two months ago, but I rejected him.
He took it respectfully; he did not try to pressure me into changing my mind or anything, and he just continued to be my friend and hang out with me.
Last week, my new friend Violet (18) told me she likes John. I’ve known John for much longer than she has, so she asked me about his interests, wanting something to talk to him about.
I still feel bad about breaking his heart and thought he might be able to move on with her; we have similar personalities and physical appearances, so I can see him falling for Violet.
So I gave her lists of his favorite authors, novels, anime, and songs.
At first, it seemed to work. But then he got curious about how much they had in common, with her ‘liking’ a lot of the stuff he does. He made a comment about this when we were having lunch together yesterday.
I got nervous and fidgeted. He noticed this and asked me what’s wrong.
I broke down and told him what I did. He said, “I know you don’t want me but do you have to give me away to someone else?”
It stung because it kind of described what I did and sounded kind of messed up when put that way.”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. I think, or at least hope, you had good intentions, but you went about it totally wrong. The thing is, if you’re being approached by a potential partner, you want to feel like they are interested in you. You want them to get to know you and also put in the effort to find all this out.
Effort is attractive. If she was so, so interested in him, wouldn’t she want to find out these things herself? Showing interest in that person’s likes and hobbies just shows you are genuine. Your friend basically wanted to skip the whole ‘get to know’ part and jump right into immediately being a perfect match for him, without all the work, which is not only silly but also sort of manipulative.
She was wrong to take the list and you were wrong to offer it. Maybe if you told her one hobby or one book—something that she could open with—I’d understand. But a list? That’s way overboard. And even if it wasn’t your intention, it does seem like you tried to pass him along.
“I rejected you but look, here’s this girl that knows everything you like! Get her!” Ultimately, your intentions don’t matter here because the outcome is that everyone is hurt and your two friends lost a chance at building a genuine connection without meddling.” Turning18bad
Another User Comments:
“NTJ for trying to help your friends out; however, her faking interest in what he likes is bizarre. I know people do this; I’ve been on the side of it being done to me, and it usually doesn’t work out. Next time, my advice to you would be just to tell her his general interests.
For example, he likes anime and reads these kinds of novels, and then just let her discover from there. If he caught on, it’s definitely because she was pushing too hard with these facts.” SmallBearDaddy
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Yikes! Sounds like my dude dodged an immature, childish bullet TWICE!
There’s a difference between introducing two people and informing your friend about some shared interests they may have in common. It’s a whole other thing to give your friend a list of this guy’s interests with the sole purpose of lying to him and getting him off your back, and that’s assuming he’s still pinning.
The good news is, I’m pretty positive you don’t have to worry about that anymore. You say your friend is interested in this guy; then why didn’t she show that she was interested in him by actually getting to know him? And how is he supposed to find her interesting when he doesn’t actually know anything about her?
Did you two really think it was a good idea to build this “relationship” on the back of a bunch of lies? Did you both really think those lies wouldn’t come out eventually? How is this any different than some jerk lying to your friend to get into her pants?
I feel really bad for this guy, thinking that he had found a connection with somebody, only to find out that they’d been lying to him the whole time. Don’t be surprised if this man never speaks to you or your friend again.
You’ve given him every reason not to.” Sweet_Maintenance317
20. AITJ For Not Inviting My Step-Sister's Partner To My Birthday Dinner?
“I (17M) am planning a small birthday dinner at a nice restaurant with my family and friends. My stepsister, B (17F), has been seeing this guy, M (18M), for a couple of months. I have met him a few times.
He does not come to our house much, and to be honest, I just do not like him. He is loud, always interrupts people, and is overall very rude.
When I sent out invites for the dinner, I told everyone it was for my family and friends.
B asked if M could be an exception since “he is going to be possibly future family.” I told her no and explained that I did not feel comfortable with him being there. She got upset and said I was being unfair because other people’s partners have come to events before.
I tried to explain that this was my birthday, and I just wanted to enjoy the evening without feeling irritated by someone I do not get along with. B said it is not fair for me to exclude him.
My mum is on my side, saying that we should respect my wishes, and my stepfather is neutral. B has been ignoring me for a couple of days now, and I am starting to feel mad and somewhat bad about it lmao.
AITJ for this?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It is a birthday dinner for you at 17. Your stepsister is being ridiculous, saying her partner of a few months will potentially be family and should be included. This is an intimate dinner, not a banquet hall of all your friends and family.
Just a small group. Someone that is loud and rude really does not have a place at your birthday if you feel they would ruin it.” Voidg
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It’s your birthday; you get to have who you want there. Nobody gets to decide otherwise, and if they do, they’re freaking rude and entitled. And if they keep pressing on it, tell them they’re not welcome either.
I don’t really comprehend why people try to hang out and be close to siblings when the siblings are not very polite or nice, or try to take advantage of you. It’s your birthday. Really, anyone who says otherwise is a fool and rude. And you should not be asking your mother’s opinion or your stepfather’s; it’s not really their place either.
It’s your life, your event, and I’m assuming everybody pays their own way, so this is just a gathering that you control.” R0ck3tSc13nc3
19. AITJ For Leaving My Sick Self And Kids With My Parents While My Husband Went To A Party?
“I (30) have been with my husband “Samuel” (33) for 9 years, married for 7… We have three children: 6F, 2F and 6 months old so as you can expect our household is… busy.
I’ve not been sick a lot in my life, maybe once since I got with Samuel?
Lately though my hair has been falling out, and the right side of my face has been hurting, but I’ve been pushing through it. A week ago, I woke up feeling sick.
I wasn’t even sick during my pregnancy… I stripped the bedding and asked Sam to look after the children the following day, as he was off.
When I woke up, absolutely feeling awful, he was gone; he texted, saying he knew it was his friend’s birthday and he’d taken over when he got home (he wasn’t gone too long, left around 7 a.m. and was back around 4 p.m.).
However, as ill as I felt, I asked my parents for help, who insisted I stay with them. I basically slept for 3 entire days while they helped with the children… I still feel awful, but duty calls. My parents kept Samuel updated, and he was more than welcome to come visit or take the children home; he didn’t.
Usually, parenting is a 30/70 split, so he does help, but he works a physically demanding job; he’s upset that I left when he would have taken time to help after the party, would have taken time off work, but he just wanted a few hours when it was his first day off in ages.
He’s still upset (I’m not looking for medical advice!)
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – What is he upset about exactly? He snuck off to a party for 9 hours leaving behind his sick wife with a text. He didn’t call, didn’t check in. If he was so insistent about taking care of the kids afterward, why didn’t he go pick them up from your parents?
If he wanted to take time off to take care of it, what stopped him?!! Does he need you there to hold his hand while he phones his boss or something? What exactly were you supposed to do? Just power through being sick while he was off eating cake with friends?
He wanted time off? With kids? Why is he so butthurt that the grandparents stepped in? I’ll tell you why, it shows he is a bad dad and a horrible husband. And now he’s sulking? Lady, grow a spine and get angry at your husband, now is the time because this is wroooong.” LemmePet
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Ignore the random medical advice. See a doctor because it could be dozens of things. You were too sick to safely care for the children alone. Your husband did not, and still does not, care. Think about that. Think about that hard.
Stay at your parents’ for longer and take them up on the help because you need it. It takes 2 years to fully recover from a pregnancy, and you had 2 in less than that; that’s hard on your body and mind.” AdGroundbreaking4397
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
But your husband is. He has responsibilities and he failed to be present and an active participant in the family he helped to create. Your illness could not wait 5 minutes, let alone an entire day… Did you somehow choose to get sick? He is lucky you came back.
He is LUCKY you aren’t dead or hospitalized. He should be thanking your parents and begging for forgiveness. “I don’t want to be a husband and father right now because you KNOW it’s my friend’s birthday and being a friend is a lot more fun and a lot less stressful than spending time with our 3 young children.” He needs to get over himself.
He’s tired? You’re tired! You slept 3 days. You didn’t dump the kids on him and take off on your friends’ 3-day birthday trip. This relationship doesn’t sound safe.” mama2babas
18. AITJ For Asking My Family To Explain Suspicious Mortgages?
“In 2000, my grandparents sold their home and bought a condo, but instead of having the deed in their names, it was quickly deeded to the husbands of two of their children (my uncles).
Over the next few years, the uncles took out several mortgages against the condo, none of which my grandparents were aware of—or benefited from, as far as I know.
In 2006, the uncles quickly deeded the property back to my grandparents, who then took out a reverse mortgage.
The proceeds from the reverse mortgage were used to pay off the last mortgage my uncles had taken out. Now, years later, my grandparents have passed, and we are in foreclosure proceedings due to the reverse mortgage not being paid off.
When I found out all of this, I asked my family what happened and why the property was handled this way.
My goal was to understand how this all came about, but now everyone in the family is upset with me. They claim they don’t remember or are acting like I’m causing unnecessary drama by asking. Some have even accused me of stirring up trouble for no reason.
I feel like I’m being gaslit just for asking for an explanation about something that directly affects the entire family.
AITJ for pressing my family to explain these decisions, or should I just drop it?”
Another User Comments:
“It’s easy. Your uncles stole from your grandparents.
Rather than reporting the matter to the police, the family covered it up. This is not at all uncommon, both because the people who were defrauded are embarrassed and ashamed and also because family doesn’t love putting other family members into jail.
“Who then took out a reverse mortgage.
The proceeds from the reverse mortgage were used to pay off the last mortgage my uncles had taken out. Now, years later, my grandparents have passed, and we are in foreclosure proceedings due to the reverse mortgage not being paid off.” I think you’re using the wrong words here.
That would be a traditional mortgage, not a reverse one. A reverse mortgage is one where the property owner gets paid every month, then, when they die or the agreement ends, the bank owns the property. It’s almost impossible for a reverse mortgage to end in foreclosure.
It sounds like they revoiced a large amount of money upfront (to repay the uncles’ mortgage) and then had to make monthly payments to the bank. Failure to do so resulted in the property going into foreclosure.
But the short story of what happened here is likely this: They were trying to be sneaky to get around some kind of tax situation by deeding the property to the uncles while continuing to live in it themselves.
The uncles took out a mortgage on the property and kept the money from those mortgages. Once this was discovered, your grandparents wanted the property back, but it now had debt attached, so that debt had to be repaid, hence the new mortgage. Since they were old and retired, they had issues paying for this mortgage, so now it’s been foreclosed on.
In terms of where the theft comes from, the proceeds from the loans that your uncles took out were kept by your uncles.” Miliean
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – And your family is definitely covering up shady nonsense, but unless you were supposed to get the property, it’s not really your business, especially since it seems like your grandparents lived out their last years in their house.
You are probably curious (I would be too), but trying to find out what happened is going to involve bashing your head against a wall or involving the IRS (the police probably won’t get involved because, first, your grandparents are dead and, second, they weren’t foreclosed on and made homeless while they were alive).
So, this is probably one of those things you really want to know but aren’t going to find out. The lesson you need to learn here is: Never get financially involved with any of the people involved in that or anyone who told you to mind your own business.
They have all proven financially untrustworthy.” Dante2377
Another User Comments:
“There was almost certainly some kind of criminal fraud involved in all this, which is why they are so resistant to anyone pursuing the truth. They may not have deceived your grandparents (or maybe they did initially), but you can’t take out multiple mortgages without disclosing to the bank other claims and mortgages that were already on the property.
If you want to know the truth, you’ll need to involve the police. NTJ.” HarveySnake
17. AITJ For Backing Out Of My Sister's Constantly Changing Dinner Plans?
“My sister asked me to book dinner reservations for her partner’s birthday, which she was supposed to organize. I secured a 5 PM reservation for 7 people at a popular restaurant and informed everyone three days in advance.
The night before, she asked if I could move it to 6 PM because her partner had taken a last-minute work shift and wouldn’t make it at 5. We were both frustrated, and she likely argued with him over it. Since the restaurant was always booked, I told her I’d try but warned it was unlikely.
When I asked about a backup plan, she said that I should just cancel it. She added that her partner was annoying for not being able to say no to work and that she was tired of doing things for people who couldn’t be bothered to help out.
The next morning, I called the restaurant, and they couldn’t move the reservation, so I canceled it, assuming the dinner was off. But then my sister decided we should still celebrate at 6:30 PM at another restaurant. At this point, I was frustrated by all the last-minute changes and questioned why we were going out of our way for her partner when he didn’t seem to care.
She defended him, saying he had no family here and would have to spend his birthday alone and that we shouldn’t blame him for taking an extra shift to make more money.
I suggested a restaurant, but she rejected it, choosing one she’d previously dismissed for “bad ambiance.” When I pointed this out, she got defensive, citing her exhaustion and travel.
I asked why she planned dinner on the same day she was traveling, and my other sister and I suggested Sunday lunch, but she refused, saying her partner wasn’t available. When asked if dinner was canceled, she exploded, blaming us for not helping and claiming she had no Wi-Fi on her flight.
Later, she said her partner was available again, making me question why I’d canceled the original reservation. She yelled that no one could get ready for a 5 PM dinner and accused us of not caring, even though I’d followed her instructions. My other sister, who had rearranged her schedule, was also frustrated.
She also gave us the impression that if we weren’t able to secure a 6:30 reservation at the original restaurant, then we should just cancel. She swore at us for misunderstanding that is what she wanted. My sister then lashed out, saying she’d tell her partner that no one cared about him.
I reminded her she told me to cancel and had proof, but then she denied it and said we just assumed. She exploded, swore at us and ranted about being the only one making an effort, despite me working two jobs and our other sister having a child to take care of.
She said she booked a restaurant at 6:30 PM, but we were so repulsed by her attitude that we decided not to attend. It would have been awkward, and knowing her, she would have made several sarcastic remarks and given off a nasty vibe. I did get her partner a present though and sent it to him.
My sister lost it, saying she was sick of convincing people and ended with a rage-filled message, telling us to go screw ourselves and saying she hopes we live a life of trouble and misery. I called her a spoiled 40-year-old princess who always has to get her way, and she called me a waste of space and a loser and basically told us to go to heck.
I tried to accommodate her, but she kept changing plans and blaming everyone. AITJ for refusing to keep adjusting and backing out and not attending her partner’s birthday dinner?”
Another User Comments:
“Just STOP engaging in the drama. You’re enabling her and frustrating yourself in the process, and then overthinking whether you’d be a jerk.
For your own sake, just STOP doing this. This is something that was on her to arrange, and by her attitude, I’m highly doubtful that it’s the first time that she’s thrown her toys out of the pram because you or your sister weren’t dancing around her when she pulled the strings of her puppets.
You’ll probably think I’m being harsh, but if you learn to say NO, your life will become so much better. And if Little Miss Entitled doesn’t like it, let her have her tantrum and IGNORE it.” Ameglian
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but you do know you’ve enabled her by doing crap for her that she could do for herself.
Take some time away from her. Actually, send her one last text telling her that you want the next text from her to be an apology, and any other texts will be ignored. She’ll send some nasty text back. Ignore it. She’ll keep trying to bait you and sending awful messages and trying to call.
Ignore the texts and don’t answer the calls. Take this time to practice saying no. Then mark a date on your calendar. One year from now. She doesn’t get a single favor from you in this one year. Then look back and see if she did even one thing for you.
My guess is no. All the stress that she is causing and all the demands are just a price you pay. It’s a price that everyone around you pays too. Including your other sister’s children.” DubiousPeoplePleaser
Another User Comments:
“You might not realize this because you are used to this insanity, but your sister swearing and screaming about a dinner reservation is not okay or normal. She pushed the task on you and then fought with you about the way you did it.
Now she is trying to make you feel bad after all the verbal abuse you got from her. If she blows up like this over a dinner, I don’t want to know what she is like when something bad happens. Don’t do favours for her anymore.
She can organize her partner’s birthdays and you’ll show up if she manages to behave like an adult. I’d question how much time I want to spend with her anyways.” SweetNothings12
16. AITJ For Not Wanting To Babysit My Grandkids All The Time?
“My son (M38) stays with me full-time after the breakup of his marriage. He has 3 kids all under 13, and he was granted custody of them.
Their mum (F37) has them on the weekends from Friday to Sunday.
My house is full again, and I love it. I love having the kids here. But sometimes I’m just tired. I feel like I have gone back 30 years in time and I am back to waking them up for school, making meals, doing laundry, homework, etc.
So when they go to their mum’s at the weekend, it is a break for me as well as my son.
But in the last month he had met a new partner and he now wants to go out with her all the time. He had been asking more and more for me to babysit.
It turns out his ex isn’t going to have the kids for 3 weekends this month for some reason, and he wants me to look after them. He’s also been asking every night during the week.
I sympathize, everyone wants to socialize, but my point is, they are here full-time; when they are away, it is a break for me too.
And at the end of the day, they are not mine. Why do I have to look after them every day?
I say to him, “Go out when they are away at their mum’s or at school,” but he says I’m being unfair and I have a grudge against his new partner.
(I don’t, I don’t know her.)
Now I’m being asked to have them on Valentine’s Day, so I guess I can’t make plans for myself.
AITJ? I’m feeling like an extra in my own home at the moment and just needed to vent and ask opinions.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your son is absolutely taking advantage of your presence. Take a few hours and think about what you’re willing to do. Are you okay with taking care of the laundry and cooking but not helping with homework or waking everyone up (as an example)?
Tell your son EXACTLY how you are willing to help and stick to it. Call him out on his attempted manipulation (a grudge against his partner) and inform him that if he continues acting that way, you will (fill in a consequence you’re willing to enact… maybe you’ll start charging for your services or he has to leave your house).
His children are HIS to raise and YOURS to love. Make those plans for Valentine’s Day, and any other day you want.” PretendDuchess
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. He uses the word unfair. It is unfair of him to burden you with his kids. You raised your kids.
These are his children to raise. It is selfish and thoughtless of him to throw them to you just because you all live together. He is taking advantage of you. You need to tell him as much. I’m sure he is all giddy and lovey with this person, but his kids are his responsibility and not yours.” livinlikeriley
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. What would he do if he didn’t have your generosity of housing and helping with his kids to the extent you already do, to begin with? He made babies with someone and needs to first and foremost be a parent.
I was a full-time single dad for several years. I had no help. You give things up. It’s part of the job. So is the loneliness. The kids come first. He’s being selfish and doesn’t seem to appreciate how much harder this could be for him.” HandBananasRevenge
15. AITJ For Refusing To Pick Up Another Player For My Son's Football Team?
“I am a volunteer football coach of my son’s team. Another father, who has been a coach with me in the past and has a child on my son’s team, has decided not to coach this year. We live across town from each other, and the school is in the middle.
Besides being casual acquaintances and having kids in school together, we do not socialize or interact much at all.
The first game, this father called me and said he was away and asked me to bring his son home from the game. I had a lot going on, but my wife decided to help them while I was working/coaching.
Now, the second week he called me again and asked the same thing, saying they are away and can’t. He said, of course, I could always ask them the favor, but I had to say to him that I can’t be responsible and I have enough things going on.
My wife said she would take him home, and that’s fine, but I am slightly offended and may have been rude. I messaged him that I’m sorry and that we could take him home, but not pick him up. I don’t know how to handle this situation.
Am I the jerk for saying that I would never ask him to do this because I’m across town and show up for obligations? IMHO, one time is fine, but to get the call during the first two games when I have to coach, I feel I need to stick up for myself and say no. I can’t have this every week.
Also, these parents go and party away with their friends every weekend and leave their kids at home.”
Another User Comments:
“INFO. “I had to say to him that I can’t be responsible and I have enough things going on.” So, this was your response to “Any chance you could pick him up/drop him off again”?
Did you say anything else to this guy? I think what you’re doing is using 2 instances to establish a pattern; you’re acting on preemptively. You probably could have just told him, “Sorry, it doesn’t fit into my schedule this week.” He offered the same service in return, so I don’t think he’s trying to take advantage of you; you just simply don’t need what he’s offering.
Why burn a bridge before you get to it? “I felt I had to stick up for myself,” but you’re not being taken advantage of when you have the ability to very politely say “no” without making it a big thing.” NoSalamander7749
Another User Comments:
“Twice doesn’t feel like it rates coming down on this guy like you did. You could just say no. “Sorry man, can’t do it this week. Running late as it is.” I don’t know what the actual threshold should be, but it doesn’t seem like 2 instances are really enough.
If this was like the 5th week in a row or something, that’s when the “Look dude… I have things going on, and I cannot keep going across town to pick up your son.” Conversation can reasonably take place. Doubly so if he’s consistently calling you the day of the game.
I dunno if you’re necessarily a jerk… but it feels like you’re a bit premature.” SoImaRedditUserNow
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. You keep talking about how you don’t know this guy and he doesn’t go to your church and you’re not friends and he parties all the time.
You aren’t doing this guy a favor. You’re doing this favor for a kid. You’re driving out of your way so a kid can be part of a team and play a sport he presumably enjoys. Maybe he just has crappy parents or maybe there’s stuff going on at home you don’t know about.
I used to be that kid who missed out on so much because my parents weren’t around and engaged. I’m almost 40 and I still remember the parents who drove me around and were excited to see me and didn’t make me feel like a burden.
Just pick the kid up, dude, and maybe when he’s 40, he’ll remember that cool football coach who didn’t mind going out of his way.” Historical_Fish_3372
14. AITJ For Not Letting My Friend Try On The Pants I Bought That Don't Fit Me?
“I (24f) bought some pants a couple of months back from an online thrifting website. The pants are unique and I paid a reasonable amount for them.
I asked for the measurements and they should fit my size. I was super excited to receive them. I’ve struggled my whole life finding pants that fit my body type and this time yet again they didn’t fit around my hips.
My friend (25f) is smaller than me.
I’ve given her pants and other clothes before when I couldn’t fit into them. Not that long ago, I gave her some unique pants, again found while thrifting online, and they fit her perfectly. She got to buy them for a cheap price.
She loved them and wore them often, and it honestly hurt to see the pants I was so excited would fit me actually fit her.
So this time around, I got some pants that, of course, yet again are too small. Instead of showing them to my friend first, because she’s a smaller fit, I decided to put them on sale online instead.
I showed her my profile on the online thrifting website, and she saw the pants and now insists on trying them on.
I’m well aware that I’m playing into my insecurities and my jealousy when telling her that I’d rather sell them online for a stranger to wear instead of her because it hurts too much to see her wear the pants I was excited would fit me.
I have explained this to her and she thinks I’m being very unreasonable.
So, am I the jerk for not letting my friend try the pants I recently bought – instead, I want to sell them online? Am I playing too much into my insecurities?
Should I let her try the pants and let her buy them if they fit?”
Another User Comments:
“As someone who is a pear shape with a small waist and big hips, I feel this. However, this is really unhealthy behavior. I think you need to work through this and your body image issues.
You’re still young, so I think with time you’ll get there, but there is really nothing good that can come of being jealous of your friend’s body and insecure about your own. My college roomie (and best friend 20 years later!) had a totally different body shape and I was so envious.
It’s just not worth that energy and will damage your relationship in the long term. One thing I recommend is just not showing her this stuff if it bugs you while you work on your own insecurities. In a way, you’re bringing this totally on yourself by not showing self-restraint and just not mentioning it.” quackerjacks45
Another User Comments:
“The weirdest part of the whole post is that you made a point to show your friend the listing for the pants. It doesn’t sound like she’s an entitled person who is demanding the pants. It sounds like you have made them a symbol of your self-worth or something, and then you deliberately showed them to her and said, ‘No, you can’t have them.’ Like you want her to see the pants as a symbol like you do, to prove her friendship.
Your feelings are your feelings, of course. But it isn’t healthy to ask other people to bolster this kind of response. Insecurity can make people self-centered because they are so focused on their perceived flaws that they lose empathy for others. You sound like you have a bigger issue than the pants and that’s what you need to be concerned with.
Your friend is probably upset more about being jerked around than by the pants. YTJ.” 17Girl4Life
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. I completely understand getting clothes and then having to give them to someone else because they don’t fit. It happens. If you want to get your money back for the pants, that makes sense.
But if your friend would be willing to buy them from you, I don’t see why you wouldn’t let her at least try them on. Buying clothes that fit your body is hard. It’s hard for a lot of people. But it’s weird to get upset about a pair of jeans that don’t fit you.
They’re going to someone else anyway. It feels like you’re beginning to resent your friend just because you can’t find pants that fit you, and that’s not fair to her at all. She hasn’t done anything wrong.” tummyhurtsobad
13. AITJ For Excluding My Sister From My Wedding Party?
“I (24M) excluded my sister (28F) from my wedding but not my other sister (26F) and upset my entire family.
I am getting married to a really wonderful man we’ll call Max (26) this summer, but my sister will not be in my wedding party. Here’s why:
I have two sisters, Macy and Penny. We grew up close, but with no brothers, I felt excluded. My sisters would go on “girls’ trips,” and I wasn’t invited. My father isn’t in the picture, so mostly, Mom would leave me with Grandma. Sisters and brothers are different: Penny and Macy fight, but they always make up.
Penny is a lesbian, and as a gay man, we’ve bonded more as adults. Overall, I love both my sisters, even if the relationships are painful.
About seven years ago, Macy married her fiancé Michael. Penny was her maid of honor, and Michael asked me to be a groomsman.
Her wedding party included our female cousin, but also Penny’s partner Joanne (26F). Max and I were together, but he was not in the wedding. I barely knew Michael, and all his groomsmen were strangers. I told my sister that I would rather support her on her wedding day, but she said that “isn’t the way things are done.” She was right, but I saw no reason why it needed to be gendered. I should have stood with my family.
She was the bride, so I didn’t bother her about it again.
I was excluded from everything leading up to the wedding. I missed the bridal parties, dress selection, and bachelorette activities, not to mention the fact that I had to leave my house and get ready at her fiancé’s hotel because she didn’t want any men around while she was getting ready.
Two years later, Penny married Joanne. Of course, Macy was the maid of honor, but I also got to be a “bridesman” and was with her every step of the way. Partners were excluded on both sides.
Before the wedding, Macy kept making snide remarks about how I didn’t belong there.
There were no “bachelor parties,” but I think Macy thought that without a groom, men shouldn’t be in the wedding. I was invited to Penny’s bachelorette party, much to Macy’s chagrin.
Now Max and I are getting married, and we weren’t going to have a wedding party, but Max insisted because he’s close to his brother Marshall.
When I made Penny my maid-of-honor, Macy was offended. When I told her that she was going to stand with Max and Marshall because my best friend Kohl is going to be in it, she was furious!
Macy said she needed to be there for her “baby brother’s big day” and felt slighted. I told her that if I had to stand with strangers, she had to.
Besides, we needed even numbers.
My mother took her side when she complained, and even my grandmother called me spiteful. Angry, I shouted that if Macy had a problem, she needn’t come. Should I relent and let her stand with me? I feel like this is a total double standard because when Macy was married, the answer was “it’s her wedding.” Am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“Info: you are angry about not being involved in the dress shopping and stuff when you were 15? And you were in the wedding, but not on the side you wanted to be? I mean, gender aside, a lot of 15-year-olds are left out of that stuff.
No jerks here. She didn’t do anything wrong by having her wedding the way she wanted it. You are not doing anything wrong by having your wedding the way you want it. If you are excluding her specifically because you want to get back at her or punish her, that might be worth thinking about.” tinyahjumma
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but you had me in the first half. She made you stand with strangers instead of with family at the wedding so she’s a hypocrite for being upset that it applies to her. However, to be clear, “I missed the bridal parties, dress selection, and bachelorette activities.” is a jerk opinion as the men in the family are typically not included in those activities — those are usually the bride’s female relatives/friends.
Those are traditionally gendered activities. You may be gay, but you’re a guy. People can, of course, do what they want to, but you’re taking issue over being excluded from activities that male family members/friends are not usually included in where it’s still more unusual or non-traditional when they are.” similar_name4489
Another User Comments:
“ESH, though mostly you. Macy was obnoxious with her comments at Penny’s events. But you are a walking stereotype of “I’m gay, so no one should do anything with gender norms!” Macy did some “girl stuff” like getting ready. It’s fine to be comfortable with only other women when getting ready, clothing shopping, etc. I think it’s fine for wedding parties to be separated by gender.
I think it’s fine for them to be separated by the person they are closest to. She did the former… you didn’t do the latter. You put her on your “husband’s side” purely out of spite.” Usrname52
12. AITJ For Refusing To Help My Friend Move After He Didn't Help Me When I Needed It?
“Alex (30M), a close buddy of mine (30F), recently asked for my assistance moving to a new apartment.
Normally, I would say yes without hesitation, but here’s the thing: I begged Alex for help a few months back after going through a difficult period. I asked him to help me organize a few things around the house because I was starting a new job and finding it difficult to balance everything.
I later learned that he binge-watched his favorite show that day, but he excused himself by saying he was too busy.
Now, Alex is asking me for help, and I just don’t feel like I owe it to him after what happened. I told him no and reminded him about the time I needed his support and didn’t get it.
He got upset and said I was being petty and should just let it go.
Some of our mutual friends are siding with Alex, saying I should have helped because that’s what friends do, while others think I’m justified in saying no. I’m not sure if I’m being overly sensitive or if Alex is the one in the wrong here.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“These kind of things can be hard, perhaps your friend was absolutely mentally fried the day you asked for help, and was going through his own crap that he needed to sit on the couch and watch TV, and perhaps he was just being a selfish jerk and simply didn’t want to help.
You never know what someone is going through, you definitely don’t have to help him. But ask yourself a question, is your close buddy normally a crap selfish guy who never helps you, or could this have just been a time where he didn’t give you his time for another reason?
Sometimes it’s hard for men to say I’m struggling and can’t help you today, so they just say they are busy. I would have helped him since he asked, but then maybe just kept a little mental tally for the future if a situation ever arose and he couldn’t help you again after you have helped him.” Imaginary_Panic9583
Another User Comments:
“Well, I think everyone might be the jerk here. Friendship isn’t about what you gain from the other person; just because he didn’t help you shouldn’t mean you won’t help him… But it was also crappy of him to not help. Did he commit to helping you when you asked and then flake?
Or did he say he was busy from the get-go? Maybe take a step back and ask yourself what type of friendship you want with him going forward and go from there. Try being honest with him about being hurt when he flaked so, in turn, you were butthurt and decided on not helping him.” Jenboslice
Another User Comments:
“Friends help friends. If what he did (not helping you) was bad enough that you will no longer be a friend to him, then he’s not a close buddy, is he? NTJ but don’t lie to yourself that this is still a friendship.
If you want to stay civil for mutual friends’ sake, that’s fine, but it’s not really a friendship. Also, did you talk to him about what happened when you found out? I’m interested to know what his explanation was. Maybe he was being a jerk, maybe he was busy recovering from burnout (by watching TV).” TheGreenPangolin
11. AITJ For Snapping At My Mom Over Her Controlling My Candy Intake?
“My mom (57f) lives with me (31m) due to socioeconomic issues. We both escaped an abusive household. She can’t work due to her disability and lack of qualifications (she dropped out of school as a teenager. She tried to go back and finish her studies as an adult, to give me a better life, but my controlling father kept sabotaging and downright forbidding it).
I am also disabled, but I’m retired, so I can afford to pay for our living arrangement. It’s tight, but manageable.
Anyway, about 2 weeks ago, I went to the dentist for the first time in my life and found out I have 8 cavities. Not bad for never having gone to the dentist before, right?
Anyway, the doctor gave me the standard speech of “brush your teeth, avoid candy, avoid soda,” and so on.
Ever since then, my mother has not let me eat candy. I know it sounds weird, I’m 31 years old, I’m an adult, I should be able to make my own darn decisions.
But my mom has a way of controlling me when she wants to. She’s not subtle, either. We’ll be at the grocery store and I go “I think I’ll buy some chocolate,” and she immediately responds with “if you buy candy, I will cry and make a scene.”
I’ve been telling her to stop the whole time. That I’m an adult, that I can make my own decisions, that if I want candy, I will eat candy, but she makes a face like she’s gonna cry and cuts me off.
Today, I couldn’t take it anymore.
After we left the grocery store (once again without my freaking candy) I told her to cut it out because it was getting on my nerves and that it wasn’t fair because I don’t tell her how to live her life. She responded with “I’m just concerned for your health the dentist said no candy” and I snapped and said “Well every freaking doctor ever says ‘don’t smoke’ but you still smoke a pack a day.
Should I stop buying smoking products out of concern for your health?!”
She looked genuinely taken aback that I’d speak to her like this and was on the verge of tears. But I held my ground. Things are tense now.
For context, I am a recovering heavy drinker and only really got into candy after I quit drinking.
It’s how I deal with my cravings. She knows this.
So, am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“There are so many places this could have gone differently.. 1. Stop going to the store together. For real. It’s a one-person job. 2. Stop announcing you’re going to buy chocolate.
Just do it. It’s your money. 3. If she threatens a tantrum, respond “OK” then walk away. And I’ll just point out here that for a couple who is so tight on money, cutting out smoking products would save A LOT of money. For that matter, why does she know what the dentist said to you?
Stop going everywhere together and sharing every single thing.” SingleAlfredoFemale
Another User Comments:
“NTJ I hate parents like this personally. Trying to tell their grown child what to do. In my opinion, this is less about stopping cavities and more just her trying to have any power she can over you, no matter how small.
And the fact that she smokes (which is infinitely more harmful than indulging in some candy) but wants to stop you from having a “cavity” or whatever crap she thinks she’s stopping proves that. Good for you at snapping back, good for you for sobering up, and enjoy some well deserved chocolate” PERCElVlNG
Another User Comments:
“This is easy: 1. Go to the dentist. Get cavities filled, schedule cleaning, start brushing and flossing. You don’t want all your teeth to fall out. Dentures suck. Try really hard to imagine having to wear these big plates in your mouth to eat.
And your smile with no teeth. Then with good teeth eat chocolate. Life is short, enjoy the little things. 2. Don’t live with your mom. Social Services, low-income housing, someone somewhere, but not you. Again life is short, you don’t need this crap. 3. Recovery: keep doing the steps.
Me too, sister. I can’t imagine being in recovery and having my mother around pushing all my buttons! You need to take care of your mental health and this ain’t it. It is very kind of you to help your mom. I know you can’t just throw her out.
Maybe have a good talk, even find someone to work as a mediator—someone to give her an outside perspective? You know the definition of insanity…” Moki_Canyon
10. AITJ For Wanting To Return My Wife's Gift For A Better Quality Record Player?
“My lovely wife bought me a record player for Christmas, a Crossly Suitcase 3-1 player. I went to turn it on today, but it did not work. I looked online, and it appears that for the relatively high price, these record players are prone to breaking.
I suggested that we simply return it to get our money back and I purchase one on Amazon of slightly better quality.
My wife became really offended that I did not want to exchange it for the same model. I argued that there are many reviews online stating that these players have a limited lifespan and that returning it for a new one would likely cause the same issues.
She seems to think I am being ungrateful, but I have literally been in love with the product until today, buying records, even asking my dad for his old collection, etc.
I definitely see her point, but I do not see myself as being ungrateful.
But perhaps I am completely off. AITJ for trying to get a slightly upgraded version even though my wife was really thoughtful and got me this awesome gift?”
Another User Comments:
“As a vinyl-only guy, do not use that turntable with any records you care about.
They look cool. They seem cool. Vinyl is best experienced on an old-school stereo. It sounds pricy, but it’s not. You can get a decent turntable for about $100. Audio Technica is a good modern brand, but I prefer vintage gear myself. Go to a thrift shop or antique mall and get an older receiver WITH a PHONO input.
The one I had to buy to quickly get one in here was only $50. If it doesn’t have a phono input, don’t fret and get a phono preamp on Amazon. They are as low as $15. Tell your wife that you really love how she created a burning love of this medium with the gift. You just need the right gear.” Curious_Raise8771
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, although I almost went with no jerks here. Because, in general, of course it can be hurtful if someone returns a gift you got them and gets something different. In this case, though, OP is exchanging it for a very similar item with the key difference of being more likely to continue functioning as intended. If I were talking to the wife, I would say, ‘Look, I get why your feelings are hurt.
But frankly, it’s reasonable for hubby to want an item that won’t break down. Maybe it will help you feel better if you focus on the fact that he is really enjoying owning/using a record player, and he will continue to do so even if it’s a slightly different model, and you got him that experience.'” CoverCharacter8179
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You loved and appreciated the gift! I get why she might feel hurt, but it’s not like you are returning an album she bought for sentimental reasons. I recognize that gifts come with feelings, but from a logical perspective, it doesn’t make sense to re-buy something that is prone to breaking again.
Reinforce your love and appreciation, let her know you value her thoughtfulness, tell her her gift-giving instincts were spot-on, but you want to be sure you enjoy the gift for years to come, and the way to do that is to choose another brand. Maybe even involve her in the selection process so she can feel like she still chose it for you.” [deleted]
9. AITJ For Calling The Police After Mistaking My Aunt's Dishwashing For A Robbery?
“I (13 f) was staying with family who live in Spain for the holidays. I get a pretty much free holiday in the sun and also get to spend time with my aunt, uncle, little cousins, and whatnot.
One night before bed, my aunt told me that when I woke up, the kids would be at camp already and she and my uncle would be at work, so I should walk down to the bar whenever I wake up. She told me to make sure to lock the doors when I leave because there have been a lot of robberies lately.
No problem. I went to bed.
I woke up to insanely loud banging noises. I started freaking the heck out. I knew they were robbers. I crawled into the wardrobe, shaking. I grabbed a butter knife, a bottle of deodorant, and my phone so that I was guarded. I prayed to every god out there while sobbing and mentally saying goodbye to my family.
Any moment now, these people would enter the bedroom and find a sobbing girl with only a butter knife and deodorant to defend herself with. I tucked my spending money into my pants and felt relieved that I could at least give my relatives that if I survived. I was mentally preparing for the worst. I was too scared to even ring.
Eventually, the banging stopped, the door slammed, and I heard a car drive away. I was still too scared to leave.
Eventually, still in the wardrobe, I called the police. I explained what had happened but didn’t know the address, so I gave them my uncle’s number.
I soon heard the door open and my uncle calling for me. I threw on a dress, still shaking, and braced myself for the chaos I was walking into. But everything was normal. My uncle asked me if I was dreaming. Definitely not.
We got to the bar, and my aunt ran out very flustered and told me it was her doing the dishes.
In fairness, it was a very echoey house, and the pots and pans sounded insane.
My uncle thought it was very funny; my aunt, not so much. My mother wasn’t happy when she found out. The police also questioned my aunt on why I was left alone, to be fair, my voice probably does sound younger.
But she told me that I would wake up alone and there would be burglaries around. I felt really bad, but also… what else was I supposed to do?
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You’re 13. Someone unknowingly put the thought into your head that the only person who could be in the house when you wake up is a burglar.
Your aunt is entitled to feel embarrassed and that might come out as angry. It could have been avoided if she told you that she’d be leaving at a certain time and would ‘probably’ be gone before you woke up. But that’s all for hindsight now.
These things happen; don’t dwell on it. Let it be something to laugh about together.” 1DontKnowWhatImD0ing
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. I was in a similar position once when I was your age – Mom used to be very paranoid about intruders, then one night when I was in bed and it was just her and me in the house, I heard a man’s booming voice and then silence.
I hid in my closet and wished I had a phone to call the police. Turns out she had just turned the TV on and muted it as fast as she could because she wasn’t expecting it to be on so loud. I stayed in my closet for hours, terrified. You had every right to be scared. Your aunt also surely didn’t expect her doing the dishes to cause this.
Yes, she put the idea in your head, but it’s also fair if there have been break-ins in the area to make you aware of precautions to take. Understandable all around, and I’m sure you’ll move past this as long as you’re both open and understanding.
It’s okay for you both to be embarrassed.” ellia4
8. AITJ For Letting My Son Sleep With A Doll?
“My son is 7 years old and autistic. He likes to sleep in the bed with his father and me. When he was younger, he was very angry and aggressive, but after therapy and changing our chaotic lifestyle, he became the sweetest and most compassionate person.
It is really a big change.
Anyways, we are encouraging him to sleep in his own room. So I gave him my doll that I had since I was 2 years old. He cares for it, really likes it, and it helps him sleep in his room.
His father doesn’t agree and thinks he shouldn’t carry this doll around because he feels it will cause problems. I asked him to clarify, and he said our son will go to school and tell other kids he sleeps with a doll and get bullied. Am I wrong?
AITJ??”
Another User Comments:
“There is nothing wrong with your son learning to love and care for a doll, especially if it brings him comfort. My son always played with dolls with his sister, and he’s growing up to be the sweetest, kindest boy.
Men need to stop obsessing over this and realize that boys will be husbands and fathers someday and could use lessons in being a bit maternal. Again, especially if it’s bringing comfort to your boy, your husband taking it will only hurt and confuse your son.
You’re doing the right thing.” Reddit User
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your husband is remembering how he bullied kids because he is from an era where insecure masculinity was still considered the norm. It still is the most common mindset, but only when taught.
So screw guys like me who didn’t understand that kids turn out just fine, even if they have comfort devices. This is universal kindness crap that we were taught to deny. We’re able to be better and teach better, so let’s try. These kids these days get it right.
They don’t put up with our old crap. I’m proud to say I have learned kindness from my daughters, and I love continuing to get better as a parent doing so.” Analyzer9
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I’ve also got an autistic kid who sleeps with his comfort/security stuffed animal. (Side note: It’s more than one, and he makes a nest and sleeps under them.) Your husband is probably projecting his own childhood experiences when he was bullied for this behavior or even bullied others for it.
It is not right, but it is the way it is now. I worried for years that my kid was going to be bullied. Let me tell you a couple of stories: One time, kiddo was carrying a big box for school and refused my help.
One of the high school football players said, ‘Hey little dude, need some help?’ Kiddo replied, ‘No, I’m strong!’ Then the player said, ‘Yeah, I can see how strong you are, but it’s also okay to ask for help,’ to which kiddo accepted his help.
Second, during a class party, kiddo had headphones on and was happily coloring. A mom there was asking questions (bordering on being so polite that it became rude), and before I could say anything, his classmate said, ‘That’s rude! We don’t ask those questions! He’s fine and not hurting anyone!’ The point is, the kids are probably (or hopefully) going to be alright.
Your husband is simply projecting his own experiences. You’re doing fine, and if your kid is happy, healthy, and safe, let it be.” adorablecynicism
7. AITJ For Refusing To Move In With My Sister To Take Care Of Her?
“I (M28) have been living downtown for the past year with my partner. My parents recently accepted a new job in Florida, which will require them to move there. However, my sister currently lives with them. Knowing that my parents will be moving to Florida, my mom asked my partner and me if we could move into their current house and stay with my sister (F23) until she graduates college next January.
I have a good relationship with my sister. However, she is very loud, messy, and has a tendency to be rude. On top of that, she has a dog that she just doesn’t take care of. I feel like this will cause my partner and me a lot of added stress.
Am I the jerk for declining to move home?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. From the sounds of it, your parents have babied your sister so she has no real life skills (cooking, cleaning, job, paying bills, etc.). My guess is that they want you to move in to keep an eye on her so that she doesn’t turn into the super party wild child that drops out of college and trashes the house.
I’m also guessing that they expect you to clean up after her, cook her meals, pay for all the utilities and food. All so their “precious little baby” doesn’t have to do anything on her own or for herself. Tell them no. When they push, tell them that it’s their fault and responsibility that they don’t trust a 23 YO adult on her own, and the answer remains no. It also sounds like they fully expect to sell the house once she has graduated, so again they want someone to keep her from destroying it and reducing its value.
Suggest that they go ahead and sell the house and get her a 1-year lease on an apartment that she will then be required to maintain herself after graduation, and make sure that they DON’T put their names on said lease.” ToriBethATX
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I’m confused as to why your parents want you to stay there. Your sister is 23. She’s an adult and should be able to take care of herself and her dog. If she can’t, then that is poor parenting on your parents’ part (welcome to the consequences of our actions!).
It’s not something you should be responsible for or have to clean up after.” starry_nite99
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your sister is an adult at 23 and is not your responsibility at all. If your parents feel that she can’t be trusted to live by herself, that’s their problem.
She’s an adult and legally responsible for herself. Don’t put your life on hold or relationships at risk for her.” bevymartbc
6. AITJ For Not Inviting My Insulting Sister To My Birthday Celebration?
“It’s my 36th birthday. I was supposed to spend it with my family. I wanted a simple celebration, watch a movie, and eat something nice. However, there was an issue with my 26-year-old sister.
Flashback: Some months ago, my sister and I had an argument regarding the shared space of the family house.
It got out of hand, and she insulted me. Not worth repeating; just leave it at that. She called me very nasty things. I said it is valid to have disagreements regarding the shared space in the family home; however, I do not allow disrespect toward me as a person.
Mother tried to flip it into a “you both said things.”
Despite being angry, I specifically refrained from calling my sister names too because I knew that in the aftermath, it would become “but you called her names too.” So no, I did NOT call her names; she called me nasty things, and I did not.
I brought up the subject some other day, saying that I deserved an apology.
She said that she did not feel like apologizing, and my mother supported that.
So back to my birthday. I said that I would only accept people who respect me at my birthday celebration, and there is no place at my table for people who think it’s okay to insult me.
My mother said, “talk to your sister.” But I could not because she had blocked my number and social media. So, my mother decided to invite her anyway and play pretend that we are a happy family, and accused me of disturbing the family unit.
She insisted that my sister is part of the family and should not be excluded. I got very angry because my mother completely disregarded my attempt to set boundaries regarding respect. If I would not allow my partner to disrespect me, why would I allow my family?
My mother became absolutely enraged about this. She shouted at me and turned me into the villain real quick. Mother never questioned whether my sister was wrong to have called me names; quite the opposite. Mother defended her right not to apologize if she did not feel like apologizing.
So, I said that maybe I did not feel like having people who insulted me at my birthday celebration. So, my mother said that in that case there would be absolutely no celebration.
My sister came around anyway, and we discussed it. She half-admitted that she disrespected me but claimed that I provoked her.
I said that was a narcissistic half-apology, as she never admitted any wrongdoing, but rather she just tried blaming me for her behavior. I said it is like the abusive husband saying, “I would not hit you if you did not provoke me to hit you.”
Then, my mother proceeded to dump evidence against me, as if I were on trial. She brought up everything I had ever done wrong — that one time, 15 years ago, I also insulted someone…
Officially, I am the bad guy for attempting to break the sacred family union, and apparently, I deserve to be insulted. There was no birthday celebration at all, and my mother said that I could forget about not only the celebration but any gifts or, in fact, ANYTHING at all from her ever again.
So, what do you think? AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“INFO: What kind of insults did she throw at you? Right now, this seems like an ESH situation, but that does depend on what kind of insults you’re holding this grudge over. At the moment, it seems like a silly argument over something trivial that blew out of proportion, and you’re too focused on being right to consider whether you contributed to this situation.
From the sounds of it, this should have blown over months ago. Everyone else had moved on except you, and now you’ve blown it up again. But it’s hard to tell if holding a grudge for this long is justified since you didn’t share what your sister actually said.” KittikatB
Another User Comments:
“At best, ESH. Most likely, YTJ. I notice you’re purposely vague about what the fight was over and are using therapyspeak to try and position yourself as the bigger person. That alone tells me you’re probably manipulative and weaponize people’s emotions against them.
Your sister was a big enough person to come to you and try to apologize. You’re using tone policing to try and make her grovel at your feet. Even if she was really in the wrong about whatever this is, your handling of it feels petty and wrong.” cleancurrents
Another User Comments:
“I could have written the same post and my sister and I are in our late 20s (she’s younger). NTJ for not inviting your sister and for your reasons, BUT I agree with the sentiments of the other commenters. The whole post reads childish, and it’s because your family (including you) has crappy conflict resolution skills.
Stop playing their games, stop explaining—they will never agree with you and will never apologize. I thought that I could use logic to get out of stupid situations with my family, but when the other people involved do not want to see reasons, it won’t do any good.
The way you explained your situation, I can tell this is what’s happening. You’re rocking the boat, and if your sister did this behavior with other people, she wouldn’t get away with it. The only solution is to walk away and stop feeding into it.
They won’t change, but you can.” Izadore9618
5. AITJ For Not Letting My Mom See My Newborn If She Won't Watch My Other Kids During Labor?
“I’m 38 weeks pregnant, and early on, I asked my mom if my MIL could be my second support person, as she has never been involved in the birth of a grandchild, and this will be the last chance she’ll have. My mom said that was perfect because she doesn’t know what she’d do with her dog (this is a whole other can of worms I am not going to go into).
Also, side note: my mom doesn’t work, so she doesn’t have anything else going on.
The doctor said today that the baby is on the way. I’m 3 cm dilated, 70% effaced, and the baby is in a -2 position. I also have an induction set for next week, so the baby will be here very soon.
I sent group texts to my mom and MIL, and my mom never responded to anything, so I called her. She said she was busy and didn’t have time to respond. Then she stated that there is so much snow where she is (2 hours away) that she may not be able to come watch the kids for us when I go into labor.
She said this, knowing that no one else can do it except my MIL, whom I’ve already told can be in the delivery room with me and is so excited.
I would understand her reasoning, except my dad has a one-ton Dodge truck, and they came out on December 16th to drop off presents to store for Christmas (they live in a camper) and on Christmas Eve, and both times they were in a blizzard with several inches, if not feet, of snow.
But now it’s too dangerous? For instance, you drove 2 hours one way in the snow just to drop off presents and then turned around and went back home.
So WIBTJ if I tell my mom she can’t come see the newborn until snow season is over if she can’t come to watch the kids when there is snow on the ground?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. This feels petty and like a power move. Definitely let her know you’re worried about her safety too, and she should wait till the chance of snow is over, so like May. Let her know you’ve got other friends and family you can rely on, so she can stay at home and prioritize whatever is making her so busy.” electricabyss
Another User Comments:
“INFO: When did your mom agree to watch the other kids? Was your mom going to bring your dog to her house? How did the conversation go? She said she didn’t know if she could come, and then ended the call.
Did she say what she expected you to do instead?” GhostParty21
Another User Comments:
“YTJ, your mother is not mandated to help with your kids. Her job was to raise you and not your children. If you want your mother-in-law there, then ask your husband to stay with the kids and have the two of them switch off after the birth.
Any time your parents take care of your kids, it’s a privilege, not a responsibility. And I hate that this generation holds children over loved ones’ heads to get what they want. You are selfish.” wisdom0712
4. AITJ For Telling My Mom About My Dad Accusing Me Of Smoking?
“I (16) got home from school around 3 PM and went to my dad’s (53) room to tell him I was home. He told me to take off my glasses (that he bought me) and proceeded to tell me that my eyes looked too glossy and too red. Right after, he accused me of smoking substances, which I never had done despite having friends/classmates who have.
He kept telling me that I had smoked substances and that I was too defensive not to have done it. He suggested that we go get a substance test so that he could prove me wrong. I, of course, agreed since I was eager to prove him wrong.
Fast-forward to around an hour later, we had gotten the substance test at a pharmacy and were on our way home when I decided to text my mom about the situation. She had texted back, telling me that “he was too much.” My dad caught me texting my mom and asked if I was telling her about what was happening.
After I told him yes and what she said, he responded with, “I knew she was going to say that.” After a bit, he called off the test and said, “Never mind, I am too much,” and proceeded to get angry at me for wanting to still take the substance test.
I’m now sitting in my room, writing this post and wondering if telling my mom was the wrong move or if my dad was just overreacting.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I would hope your father would have told your mother himself—but, regardless, you’re not a jerk for telling your mom as it was in process.
I think your dad realized he was overreacting. He may have gotten angry when you insisted on taking the test because he felt embarrassed/bad, realizing he overreacted and then also noting your insistence no doubt meant you were sure of your innocence. He may also have felt bad for doubting/questioning you.
I have a feeling that your dad’s fears came from a well-intentioned place (such as caring about, worrying over, and wanting to protect you). Nevertheless, he made a big leap from glassy/red eyes to substances (I get tired eyes from allergies and too much screen time).
I’m sorry you had to deal with this, OP.” Fresh_Process6822
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. My mom would accuse me of smoking too, even though I too had never smoked substances. So frustrating. It’s completely understandable why you would want to prove to him that the substance test would be negative.
Without it, he will always wonder and probably think that you did smoke, but with it, he will know that he is wrong and maybe he won’t be so quick to doubt you in the future, right? Regarding telling your mom, your dad should not do anything or say anything that he would not want your mom to know about.
They are your parents; they both have the right to know what’s going on. You did nothing wrong in this situation.” Ok_Winter_262
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You made good decisions. Your dad wasn’t expecting you to double down, and once you both bought the test he probably wasn’t happy about the prospect of you taking it; as time went on, it became increasingly clear that his suspicions were wrong, you were being honest, and you were capable of standing up for yourself.
The idea of coming up with nothing and catching grief from your mom on top of it yanked him back to reality. Those kinds of moments I’ve likened to a bucket of cold water, except the mess ends up being way worse. The thing is, your dad already knows he bit off way too much to chew.
He probably sees you wanting to take the test anyway as you trying to rub it in. It’s just wounded pride. Leave it alone, but don’t forget this if he isn’t a sufficient adult to apologize to you. Don’t demand anything; just don’t forget anytime soon that he couldn’t be the adult in the room.
And if he expects some kind of apology from you despite not offering one to you, it’s probably not a good idea to refuse outright; better that you ask him to quantify what it is that you should be apologizing for. If he can’t even say it without realizing he sounds like a jerk, he’ll probably drop it.
If he does the right thing and apologizes, it’s best to accept and write it off. Everyone has bad days and isn’t always in the best frame of mind to make wise decisions. That’s not permission for anyone to act like a jerk, but it is reason to accept someone’s apology when they realize they were acting like a jerk and say they’re sorry… provided they mean it.” BlaqHertoGlod
3. AITJ For Asking My Roommate To Pay For My Damaged Blender She Lent Out Without Asking?
“I returned from visiting family for the holidays, and I noticed that the blade of my blender was severely damaged (wavy with large burrs) and that the body had 4-5 deep gouge marks in the plastic.
I asked my roommate about the damage, and she explained that she hadn’t touched the blender but had lent it out two times while I was away. I told her that I wish she had asked before loaning it out, and I suggested she give me money to replace it ($175, which is a ton of money for both of us), and she agreed.
Now, she is having second thoughts, doesn’t think it’s fair, and seems to be hinting that maybe the damage was there before she lent it out. Besides being unprovable, I feel confident that it wasn’t like this before I left for the holidays. I fear that this conflict will escalate due to her suggesting an unprovable alternate scenario, and at its core, I just don’t want her to lend out my valuables without asking.
Additionally, this isn’t the first thing she has damaged, broken, or lost of mine, but it is the first time I’ve ever asked her to replace something. This situation just kind of crossed a threshold for me, and I truly felt relief when she took accountability and agreed to replace the damaged one.
Now that she is revealing second thoughts, I feel really confused, sad, hyper vigilant, and insecure in my home.
OK, maybe I’m a jerk for owning a Vitamix, but I do, and I love it.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Assuming her story is true, she waited until you left to lend it out because she knew you wouldn’t agree with it, basically theft. I would suspect, though, that her story is crap, and that she just damaged the blender herself, probably by sticking something really dumb in there, and was too embarrassed to admit it.
Because who lends out someone else’s blender? Even as a jerk, it just sounds so random to lend someone else’s blender.” JoffreeBaratheon
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She DID ‘touch’ the blender when she decided to lend it to someone else. Those people damaged it, and she is responsible for replacing it.
She had no right to let someone borrow an item that did not belong to her. She failed to ask permission, and the damage is her fault. And let her know that you do NOT give her permission to lend out any of your personal belongings.
If she does it again, I’d find another roommate.” Aggressive_Cattle320
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She’s having second thoughts because it’s so much money. The fact that she had the audacity to lend something out that wasn’t hers, received it back damaged, and didn’t say a word is insanity to me.
Add in the fact that this has happened before… Nope. Maybe she should be more careful with things or not use things that don’t belong to her. Also, do not shame yourself for buying a Vitamix, and do not let anyone else shame you for it either.
You are allowed to purchase an expensive item with your own money, especially if you are getting so much use out of it and love it. If others are guilting you about it because they can’t afford it, they are the jerk. Not you.” starry_nite99
2. AITJ For Leaving My Stepmom's Beach House Due To My Spider Phobia And Her Harsh Words?
“My parents, 54m and 56f, have shared custody of me, 16f, so I stay one week at my dad’s house and one week at my mom’s house.
My dad and mom both remarried; my mom married Josh, 57m, and my dad married Alice, 50f.
I have always had a good relationship with my stepmom; she always treated me nicely and insisted that I mustn’t see her as a mom but as a friend.
Keep in mind that she is much wealthier than my dad and purchased his house and the beach house they currently own.
For Christmas, my sister, Selena, 19f, and I decided to go to my stepmom’s beach house with my dad and step-sibling. Also, keep in mind that the beach has insects and spiders, as it is very tropical, and I have a serious, debilitating phobia of spiders, which all of my family knows about.
Every day, I used to find spiders in my room, which was really hard to deal with since I would just try to pretend I didn’t see them until I could find someone to get them out. Regardless, one day, my stepmother was helping me remove a spider that was in my pillowcase.
Of course, I freaked out.
I suggested that I could get an Uber to my mom’s place, which isn’t far away, since I really wasn’t enjoying the vacation because of that, but I could see them in the city for New Year’s Eve.
She got extremely upset at that, saying that I was nothing more than a spoiled little jerk, that I was a cow, and that I could just call my mom but nobody wants me in their house anyway. I started ugly crying. This wasn’t the first time she had called me such things, but we had a friendly relationship at that point.
I called my mom, and she threatened my dad. My dad defended my stepmom while my mom called him a bad father, and now she is fighting for full custody of me. That really hurt my father.
I know that this has caused a strain on my dad and stepmother’s relationship and that if they divorce, my father will lose the house and a place to live, as he doesn’t work or make money anymore.
My sister is blaming me, saying I could have stayed a few more days, but my mother says that no matter how I freaked out, Alice could never say these things to me.
Was I the jerk? How do I navigate this?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your sister is plain wrong. You are a minor, and you need your parents to protect you. What your stepmom said to you was what started all of this. If she hadn’t said that, then nothing else would have followed. The problem is that your stepmom spoke cruelly, not that you didn’t hide that from everyone.
Whether she said more than she really meant in frustration or she was showing her true colors, the responsibility for what she said is fully on your stepmom. Your mother is taking this seriously because what your stepmom said was in no way appropriate. Your sister is not thinking like a parent would and is misplacing blame.
If your father has indicated no concern about what your stepmom said to you, then that is bad parenting on his part. He doesn’t get to just abdicate his parental responsibilities because of his new marriage and living situation.” kurokomainu
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. 1. No situation justifies Alice being this mean to you.
Your suggestion was quite reasonable and would not hassle anyone. If she freaks out like this when things don’t go her way, she’s the spoiled one. 2. Your father should have taken your side there. So what, because she’s rich and pays all the bills, does she get to act crazy towards his family?
His sense of family shouldn’t be for sale. 3. Whatever happens to your father/Alice relationship is not your fault at all. His financial arrangements, and the fact that he allowed himself to be in such a delicate position, are also not your responsibility.” silentjudge_
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It was a reasonable suggestion to go to your mom’s in those circumstances. The way your stepmom spoke to you wasn’t okay, and your mom needed to know, so you were right to tell her. Your mom’s reaction isn’t your fault. Your stepmom was in the wrong here.
There may also be more to this between your mom and dad than you know. Stepmom should never speak to you that way, no matter what. Being that afraid of something that much that’s constantly around is also awful. You should have just been allowed to go to your mom.
Your mom needs to manage the situation with your sister, and she and your dad need to be guided by their legal advisers about what’s best here. This situation isn’t your fault, and I’m sorry it happened. I hope things get better for you soon.” Apart-Ad-6518
1. AITJ For Letting My Daughter Order A More Expensive Meal Than My Father's?
“My (F 44) dad (68) has always been frugal. His frugality has served him well. He has a beautiful home, savings, and he’s been retired for over 10 years, with multiple rental properties, etc. Recently, my daughter (15) and I drove up from Phoenix to visit him over the weekend.
Typically, my dad cooks breakfast every morning; however, on this particular morning, he didn’t feel like it and told us we were going out to breakfast. This is a little unusual since he does not like to eat out due to the expense. He took us to a local diner-type place and we all ordered.
My daughter ordered the chicken fried steak. I heard my dad mumble something like “the things you order.” I thought he was just referring perhaps to the portion size since my daughter is so small, but it didn’t seem like a big deal at the moment.
We all ate; my daughter finished all of her food, and we both said thank you before and after our meal and were very appreciative.
Later on that day, while I was cleaning out his refrigerator, my dad said, “I can’t stand it anymore!” He got out of his recliner and came into the kitchen with us.
Then he went into how our lack of manners needed addressing. He has this “rule of etiquette” that says that if someone invites you to a meal out, you should never order anything more expensive than the person who is paying. I think it’s rude to put that responsibility on a guest. Of course, moderation in all things is important; for instance, I think it’s rude if I took someone out to dinner and they ordered a bunch of drinks for themselves or an outrageously priced meal, but this was chicken fried steak at a diner, not a magnum of champagne.
I was surprised when he brought it up. My daughter had told me that he’d mentioned it to her while visiting him at his winter place a few years ago, and I told her to let me know if it happened again and I’d talk to him about it.
I got extremely uncomfortable with the conversation because I don’t want to be disrespectful to anyone in their own home. I tried to be as careful as I could be while still defending my daughter. I reminded him that if he had a reprimand for her, to let me know, and I would handle it.
However, we would respect his rule when we were with him and apologized for any disrespect he felt, as that was definitely not our intention. However, no, that’s not an etiquette that my ex-husband and I are going to impart to her. He seemed pretty miffed about it, saying that it’s a normal rule of etiquette and that we would feel the same way if it happened to us (we would absolutely not feel put out if a guest ordered chicken fried steak, lol).
And for context, my daughter is a fantastic person. She’s kind and respectful; she still goes and visits her grandparents. She’s patient with his stories and helps him; they cook together and do all kinds of nice things. She’s a delight and does not need to be taught a lesson.
I’m going back to my dad’s house this weekend. If it comes up again, am I the jerk here?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. ‘You should never order anything more expensive than the person that’s paying.’ If your father is such a stickler for manners, I’d wager that when ordering he defers to let women at the table order first (or at least as the seating arrangement allows, but still letting a woman at the table order first), in which case how would they know what the supposed price limit should be?
It’s true that common etiquette would be that you don’t order the most expensive thing on the menu when being treated, but this is a diner, not a fancy steakhouse. I can’t imagine the price spread is that great between a chicken fried steak and an omelette.” Unable-Category-7978
Another User Comments:
“Your dad is a jerk for being so cheap over a reasonable meal that wasn’t wasted. Does he plan to take his wealth with him when he dies in about 15 years? I’d limit my visits (definitely stay at a hotel to save him $3 in the extra water you used for a weekend) and insist on paying for my and my child’s meals since he insists on freaking out over an extra $5 or so for a meal. NTJ.” Confident-Broccoli42
Another User Comments:
“Ugh, my father was like this. If we ordered something that cost more than his meal, then we would be treated to a whole lot of passive-aggressive, nasty comments and attitude for days. Even though I’m the youngest and being young, it took me a while to understand what was going on; I learned to wait for him to order and then order something myself.
When I got to be in my teens, I got exhausted from accommodating him on all his controlling foibles, and he would ask me what I wanted, and I would say, ‘Well, I’m going to wait until you order and then I can decide what I’m allowed to order that’s cheaper than that, so thank you very much, you go first,’ and I’d say that in front of the server and he would get really angry, but I didn’t really care at that point.
I didn’t want to see him after I reached age 18 and pretty much did not see him again until he passed away.” Pink_leopard7
