People Get Mistrustful In These 'Am I The Jerk?' Stories
23. AITJ For Wanting My Family To Accommodate My Birthday Plans?
“So my birthday is Sunday. I know it’s childish but my birthday is very special to me as it’s the only day people pay attention to me and do nice things for me.
Every other day of the year, and especially holidays, I’m kind of put on the back burner with my family. I love my birthday because I love sharing the things I love to do with my loved ones and this is the one day they’ll go and do it.
Usually.
It’s been really hard trying to make plans with my mom and sister for it. Everything I want to do, they turn down or complain about. Originally, I wanted to go to Carowinds. I saved up for tickets for us and all the extra bells and whistles to make the day easy but my family said no. They don’t want to walk around all day.
I was disappointed but didn’t pout. I let it go and decided that maybe going to an art museum I love would be a nice afternoon out. It’s an hour away but the drive is nice and I would pay for tickets. My sister has been complaining about going all the way there and how she hates walking around the museum and she doesn’t want it to be an all-day ordeal.
This weekend there’s a book warehouse I’m obsessed with that does 70% off a warehouse full of books the last weekend of every month. I’ve been saving to do a big birthday haul. I love reading. And this lets me branch off and try new authors and genres for cheap.
So I begged and begged for them to go with me. We would be home by 1 probably and I would leave them alone. The thing is that it’s an hour and a half away. And it’s incredibly popular. So I like getting there 20 minutes early to slip in before the crowds.
I’m there for 2 hours and go before people start rolling in. Especially since people are in church. My sister has been upset about waking up so early to go. I feel selfish for asking this of them but it’s my last idea. At this point, I’m ready to say forget it, leave me alone for my birthday but I know they’ll be upset.
I don’t want to spend it at home all day. Would I be the jerk to ask them to go with me early?
Edit: forgot to mention I have offered solutions that don’t involve walking but they were shot down immediately so I forgot to include them.
I asked to see the new Deadpool movie but my sister hates theaters and I also asked to do a day trip to look at waterfalls in the mountains. Just driving. But my mom wants to wait till fall for that and they don’t want anything that lasts all day.”
Another User Comments:
“I’ve gotten to the point where I tell others “I’m doing this on my birthday. You’re welcome to join.” If they complain they don’t want to do it, I do it anyway. It’s my birthday and I’m going to celebrate my way.
When they do something similar, I just do it as I want to celebrate with them and I don’t complain about it as it’s THEIR birthday. If they complain about what I want to do, that tells me where I rate in their life and I involve them less and less.
Note: If they have a medical condition preventing what I want to do, I do keep that in consideration when I plan out what I want to do IF I want them to celebrate with me. NTJ. It’s your day, you do what you want.
If they want to join, they’ll join. If they want to complain, “Your choice. This is what I’m going to do to celebrate my day. You’re welcome to join.” Life gets better with a smaller group of very close friends you consider family.” User
Another User Comments:
“Here’s my suggestion, if you can drive or if you have a friend that can drive. Get up early, and go to the book warehouse. Buy as many books as you want. Then grab a snack and head to the art museum. Enjoy the quiet after the bookstore.
Get dinner, and then off to the theater for DEADPOOL AND WOLVERINE. Or any combination of the activities you want to enjoy, either with a friend or alone, but what YOU CHOOSE.” BaffledMum
Another User Comments:
“Well, it sounds like there are things they would rather do and it’s their day too so they should get to choose!
If we were in another dimension maybe. But we aren’t. It’s not their day, it’s the one day you should get to choose something you enjoy doing and they should just do it without complaining because they love you and want to spend time with you.
They’re being incredibly selfish shooting down everything you want to do to enjoy YOUR birthday and trying to make it about themselves. They are the jerks, not you.” toucamsann
22. AITJ For Being Rude To A Door-To-Door Salesman Ignoring My 'No Soliciting' Sign?
“At our home, we have an “Absolutely no soliciting, unless you are selling girl scout cookies” sign directly next to our front door knob/bell. We just had a salesman from a home security system knock and start to give his spiel, “Hi, are you (literally not even my right name)?
I noticed you had an ADT sign in the yard and a Ring camera and I’m with (company)..” I immediately cut him off and said, “Oh, is reading part of their training process?” And proceed to point to the sign so close to where we are standing in the door frame that I don’t even have to extend my arm from my body and then say, “Thanks, but please leave and have a nice night.” And shut the door.
I make it about 3 strides into my living room and the doorbell rings… I re-open the door and he immediately states (literally) “You don’t have to be a jerk.” My rebuttal is, “Well, it’s blatantly posted we don’t want soliciting and you are here attempting to sell something, and I’ve already asked you to leave.
Your options now are to leave as I’ve asked, I can call the cops and say you are harassing me, I can call (company) and provide them with your name and that you are cursing at me, or I can go grab some “toys” from the safe in my bedroom we can “play” with?
He looked dumbfounded and proceeded to saunter off to his vehicle. When I stepped back inside my (lovely/kindhearted kindergarten teacher) wife said I was extremely rude, and so on, & so on.
For some background, I work in a large, badge-access lab and constantly have to turn away medical vendors who sneak in behind employees.
In our last home while I was at work one day my wife called and said, “Someone from the water company needs to stop by tonight to do something.” When I got home the person who showed up, and I allowed in, was a salesman with pamphlets about a 5k water softener who got about 20 minutes into a presentation before I could usher him out.
I understand everyone needs a job, but when it’s 6 pm on a Friday, and you interrupt my peace in my place of dwelling with signage posted blatantly not to; you’re gonna have a bad time. (Insert South Park skiing meme).
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
The sign is clear. Respect the sign or deal with curt annoyed people. I’m honestly surprised we still have door-to-door sales and mailers. I just throw that stuff away and don’t talk to them. I got into an argument with a Comcast lady who would not take no for an answer.
She’s like why won’t you use Comcast? So I told her the truth, when my grandma died, they made us prove it to turn off her service. They had zero compassion in our grief. We were canceling TV, not oxygen to a hospital room. I can’t stand these people.” EffectiveOne236
Another User Comments:
“So, this schmuck ignores your sign and then gets on his high horse when you politely ask him to leave? Then he rings your bell again and wastes more of your time by complaining that you turned him away from your doorstep the first time.
I’m a relatively even-keeled person but I would have likely told him to get lost in a less pleasant manner than you did. NTJ Also, it sounds like your wife is too nice; someone is going to take advantage of her, bless her sweet little heart.” JHSMesq
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, although the safe toys comment was too far. Telling him to get lost or I’ll call the company and the cops was enough. Threatening that you own and will use a freedom boomstick was disproportional to someone who’s a jerk and not a credible threat.
If he tried to push in then the toybox would open, but he was just someone mouthing off at your door.” verminiusrex
21. AITJ For Offending My Older Coworkers At The Clinic?
“Long story short, we work at this one clinic where we do x-rays, my coworkers are both older ladies in their 60s and have been working here for like 10 years so everyone in this facility likes them and will take their side in any arguments.
I’ve been working here for over 6 months, my first argument with coworker #1 was after I accidentally said the acronym for the hospital name instead of the full name so she shouted at me from another room to correct myself, which I did, I went up to her and asked “oh people don’t know the acronym?
I thought it was well known” (Now I’m aware I sound stupid and I was wrong) and she shouted that patient didn’t know it and asked aggressively “then I guess I’m stupid for not knowing it” which I never implied.
2nd argument was today with 2nd coworker.
For reference, she works 5.5 hours and I work 7.5 hours. Today it was only her and I and she ended her shift earlier than me obviously, so when it was 30 minutes left till her shift was over she said “ok it’s your time to work”. We both take turns, one works on the computer and the other takes care of the patient.
Most of the time at work talks on the phone loudly, takes 4 food breaks, is lazy, and often mentions it so that comment about how it’s my turn to work was weird since she barely did any herself.
But I was used to it so I jokingly said “You still have 30 mins left”.
But it wasn’t obvious to her it was a joke because then she gave me a silent treatment and right before she was leaving she told me I’m lucky she’s not the other coworker because she would yell at me, tell me they both have the high ground here and I should let her know I’m joking because I’m again rude and I should watch it.
I’m a very sensitive and anxious person. If I hurt someone’s feelings I think about it for at least some days and cry when I’m alone because the anxiety gets so strong about it so I’m trying to be nice and not disrespectful. Am I the problem?
I hope it’s not very worded as to favor me in these situations but I don’t know.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but you’ve learned well that here’s two ladies who aren’t going to be your friend. I would look for another job or ask for a transfer if I were you because both of these broads will be looking to blame you for everything and anything that goes wrong around there.” Thedudeabides470
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Shouting at someone over a minor error is never OK. “Please don’t shout at me” is a reasonable request. Document their behavior and do not get into any arguments with them. Let them know how you would like to be treated in a calm voice and document what you have requested. Sounds very unprofessional.” magsy3
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. And I would just ignore them. Just do your work and don’t engage with them beyond work needs. Don’t try banter, don’t try to be their friend. Don’t be rude, but stop trying to be friends with them.
They sound like old, angry ladies and that’s on them. I doubt everyone at work likes them. They probably are just scared of them because they have experienced what you have.” lifeofyou
20. AITJ For Making Jokes About My Brother's Intelligence?
“My brother doesn’t go to college. His partner does. I don’t know how they met since they’re honestly extreme opposites but whatever works for them I guess.
I generally don’t care about them but I’ve noticed that his partner is quite nerdy. Like she doesn’t seem like it but gosh she talks a lot and her nonstop talking makes it pretty obvious that she knows a lot academically. My brother literally failed a bunch of classes in high school and doesn’t know much more than 1+1 or who his favorite hockey player is so their relationship feels like something out of a corny movie.
My sister and I often make jokes wondering what they even talk about LOL.
My dad brought up some random history fact during dinner the other night and my brother’s partner quite literally lit up. She started talking about it and my dad was happy to entertain her.
She then said “I was trying to tell Josh (my brother) about this but he didn’t get it” and I said, “Yeah that sounds like Josh.” My brother’s partner immediately got annoyed and said “Well no, not really.” I didn’t expect her to get so heated since my brother didn’t react so I was like “Yeah I’m just joking.”
She doubled down and was like “It’s not funny.” I just said I don’t care and she went on a rant about how my brother is smart and she’s tired of us acting like he isn’t, even joking about it is bad apparently.
My sister said “he failed grade 9 English, he’s not exactly the smartest” and his partner was like “I failed grade 9 math who gives a darn? You two are just jerks.” I told her to calm down, that no one was making fun of her, and that my brother knew we were joking.
But she just left and my brother went after her.
Now my mom’s on my case about embarrassing him and that making fun of him and his lack of brains is wrong and bad when she didn’t care either until his extremely righteous partner said something.
I think my parents just want her validation because I swear to you, my brother does not care. He even makes fun of himself.
But everyone’s mad now and even my sister thinks that we should apologize just to keep the peace. I think they can go suck it.
I’m not changing the perfectly normal way I interact with my brother because his partner thinks he’s a victim. But I’ll bite, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“A couple of things. Your brother probably isn’t as dumb as you think. You and the rest of your family have made him feel like he is, but I’m assuming he’s not dumb.
I get why the partner got her hackles up. She’s likely tired of y’all running him down like he’s a dummy. You’re standing in the way of his success. Good for her. My wife is smart as heck, smart enough to make my dumb self feel like I’m the most brilliant man on Earth.
That arrangement works out pretty well. Would you prefer your brother to have a partner who is giggling along with you about what a dumb guy he is? YTJ.” User
Another User Comments:
“YTJ it’s pretty clear that your whole family is. You’ve been ridiculing and putting your brother down for so long that you all feel entitled to do it whenever you want, then when someone calls you out you’re offended. I feel for your brother.
His family is a pack of jackals who use him as the butt of their jokes. He’s found a partner who values him and sees the best in him, then you carry on mocking him right in front of her. ” lux_roth_chop
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. I’m going to make this clear – if he makes jokes about himself? It doesn’t give others the right to make jokes. I’m physically disabled, and have hand deformities – I’m allowed to make jokes like “lucky fin” (finding Nemo reference), that I’m using my “strong hand” etc. Do you know what absolutely wouldn’t be okay?
Someone else making those jokes – including family. Too many people think that when someone makes a joke at their own expense it is an automatic pass that allows them to make jokes about them. The difference is when someone makes jokes about themselves. They are laughing with you.
When you make jokes about someone? You are laughing at them. I’m honestly glad she’s stood up for him.” crochetandmead
19. AITJ For Being Upset That My Husband Worked All Day On My Birthday?
“It’s my birthday today. My husband has been home before dinner for the other 51 Mondays of the year. Today he left at 6 am, just home at 6 pm.
For all other birthdays in our family, we (I?) always make it special. Cake for breakfast, early, and fun dinner out (simple yet fun to make the person feel it’s a special day).
He told me last week he’d booked this job for today. I said, “Oh that’s my birthday”. He said he hadn’t looked at the date, so didn’t realize it was my birthday. He said his client was getting the keys to his new house today, so he wanted all the electrical work done (his husband is an electrician) and had booked in 2 other people to work with him.
He said, “We’ll get something for dinner”.
5 pm comes, the kids are hungry, toilet training 3-year-old is grumpy and I literally can’t cook anything other than boiled eggs and toast safely while I have him on my hip. To add insult to injury he’s just been away for 2 days because I told him he looked exhausted and needed a break.
He works hard to maintain the finances for our family. I had a big corporate job before kids which I had to leave when we had them (or else I’d never see them). But I have worked my backside off teaching myself a new profession and have just started turning a profit.
I’m so mentally exhausted and my youngest is so attached to me I can’t even use the restroom without him touching me (bless his heart). Pre-kids, I had lots of social interaction. I loved it. I feel so isolated and I often go a full day or more without talking to someone over the age of 5.
He knows I struggle with this.
AITJ for being angry at my husband for working all day on my birthday? Feeling so gutted I had to take a walk when he came home and left the kids to him.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ for being angry based on your normal, but we do birthdays the weekend before or after.
The day off during the week always has a huge risk of conflicts for us so we just don’t do that, beyond wishing each other happy birthday, and usually but not guaranteed, that evening we’ll get a cake for after a regular dinner. My wife paused her career for 5 years with the birth of our second because trading almost half her income for much worse care than she could provide was not worthwhile for us.
Birthdays during this period were particularly tough.” rileyyesno
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. It is normal to be upset. But as you said, your husband is the main breadwinner and works hard to support your family. He booked a job and didn’t realize it was on your birthday.
Things like that happen. And you also admit that you knew it’d be a big job and that he booked extra people to come and help him so I presume rescheduling wasn’t an option. His actual options were to go ahead with the planned job or cancel and probably lose it altogether.” katbelleinthedark
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. You say your husband is working hard to provide for your family, based on his job and being the sole income earner I can understand why he may prioritize work over a birthday, especially since the birthday doesn’t appear to have been a significant one with a planned celebration to mark the occasion.
And you say you knew when he told you days before that it would be a big day … so I can’t understand why you wouldn’t have shifted the celebration to another day. I can understand your disappointment to a degree, especially if your husband habitually forgets your birthday or events important to you, but as an adult, there are other priorities in life more important than celebrating a birthday on the actual day.” ElectricalTip4614
18. AITJ For Blowing Up At My In-Laws For Not Using My Son's Middle Name?
“A little background. My husband and I have been together for 5 years, married for 3. We have 2 kids together and I have 1 from a prior relationship. My son was named after my uncle and this was a very meaningful thing for me, my son does not have a middle name.
The thing is my family is not from America and as such we do not have American names. This caused some issues with my husband’s family originally but they eventually got over it besides the occasional comment here or there now about all my kid’s names.
When my husband and I had our 1st child together we agreed I’d pick her first name as a tradition in my family but my husband could choose her middle name and she’d go by that thus the children were not solely using names I chose.
The problem now is 2 months ago we welcomed our 3rd child and decided to do the same thing we did last time. This time my husband chose the first name and followed his family’s naming tradition, and I chose the middle name. We made it clear to everyone that our son would be going by his middle name like our daughter does.
My husband’s family has been calling him by his first name though and every time it gets brought up we’re told that the name is too difficult to remember, too difficult for the younger children to say, or that it’s ridiculous for him to be using his middle name when my eldest son goes by his first name.
I finally had enough of it and blew up. I told them they’ve had no issue calling our daughter by her middle name and if they can’t remember our son’s name they can use his nickname which is short, easy to remember, and easy enough for the young children to say.
I told them I was sorry their son didn’t marry an American but I’d had enough of their nonsense especially my sister-in-law who gave her son 3 names one of which isn’t “American” and how I’ve never had any issues remembering any of her kid’s full names and the unique spelling she chose to give them and how if everyone can remember them then it shouldn’t be too hard to remember my son’s name.”
Another User Comments:
“Good for you! You’ve dealt with your in-laws xenophobic nonsense for long enough. My only issue is that every word that came out of your mouth should have come out of your husband’s mouth, and words in the same vein should have started coming out of his mouth the first time his family talked nonsense about your kid’s names.
His family grumbles about all those “not American” names, he smacks them down. They do it again, he smacks them down again. It continues, he threatens to deny them access to the grandchildren. Particularly if you have a strong and happy marriage, talk with your husband.
Let him know how his family’s behavior is affecting you and how you’re concerned it will hurt and undermine your children. Then let him know that you want him to deal with it in a strong, assertive way every single time. It doesn’t matter how much hubby standing up to his family will upset his family, or how huffy they’ll get.
They’re the ones who are doing something wrong. You’re the wife, and he’s supposed to have your back. NTJ! (And for the love of God, Do Not Apologize. The people who need to apologize are your in-laws.)” Nester1953
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Unacceptable behavior from the in-laws and needed to be called out.
I wish your husband had done so, your son’s name was your and his choice and he should have been defending his family from such disrespect (because it was coming from his family members), in my opinion.” Cakeliesx
17. AITJ For Ignoring My Insulting Mother And Step-Father At Dinner?
“I (21F) recently went out with my family to have dinner at a public restaurant.
I was raised by my grandparents after my mother gave birth to me at 18 and left me with them. Years later, she met a man whom my grandparents disliked for his bad behavior but she eventually married him and had my half-sister (14F) whom I adore.
During dinner, I did not speak to them at all because the last dinner, they decided to insult me by saying I was fat and that I became too arrogant just because my grandparents raised me. My step-father then insulted my grandparents by saying that I should have never been brought up by them because they raised me badly.
They praise my little sister for being the best since she does sports, while my grandparents raised me to focus academically. They insult me by telling me the course (architecture) I chose was useless and that I was arrogant, just because of it. I love my course and I love studying it, so it hurt that they would insult me just because my grandparents supported me for doing what I like and they didn’t.
My grandparents also dislike my stepfather because of his rude behavior toward them. So my step-father insulting the people who raised me also hurt because not only do my grandparents support them financially, but they even gave them jobs in their businesses, basically paying them a generous salary while even paying for their RENT as they do nothing but sit around on the job.
With this in mind, I decided to stay quiet and ignore them, because if I didn’t, I might say something that would make them angrier. Now they took me aside just to complain and force me to apologize for ignoring them and “creating a gap” and that if I don’t apologize, I would be considered prideful and arrogant.
They even threatened that I wouldn’t be able to see my half-sister anymore because I was a “bad influence”.
I don’t want to be the one to break familial ties with them, I tolerate my mother and step-father because I love my half-sister. I also love my grandparents and they don’t deserve getting insulted by them.
Was I rude for ignoring them? Or should I have done something different?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I’m not going to fault you for a defense mechanism when they seem oddly intent on denigrating you and those who raised you while your mother shirked her parental duties and abandoned you in favor of a man who disrespects her child and parents openly.
Stop exposing yourself to these people. They do not deserve your time and attention. If they are threatening your relationship and ability to spend time with your half-sister, consider writing her a letter or email explaining that you love her and she is in no way at fault for any of this.
Given their behavior, it doesn’t seem outside the realm of possibility that they will lie to your sister to make themselves look better.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and I say get your grandparents to get full custody of your sister. Because what if she grows up and doesn’t want to do sports?
They’ll tear her down and she’ll take her anger out on you. Or at least get someone in the family to get her away. I know it might be very harsh, but I can’t help but think that she’ll be wanting to do makeup and stuff instead of sports and they’ll take their anger out on her.” KickOk5591
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Record them and play them for your grandparents. Maybe they won’t have their rent paid and such cushy jobs after that. Make sure you talk with your sister to explain how much you love her and if for any reason you ever stop seeing her that it’s not your choice, but her parents that are keeping her away from you. So if they do end up cutting you off forever defending yourself, she’ll know you love her and would never willingly stop seeing her.
That way when she turns 18 she’ll hopefully reach out to you to reconnect if that happens. ” SirDidymusTheGreat
16. AITJ For Wanting To Kick My Narcissistic SIL Out Of My Baby Shower?
“I (25F) am 36 weeks pregnant with a boy. My family and most of my in-laws have been very excited for my partner and me, however, his sister has been more problematic.
My SIL has been rude to me on multiple occasions, making snarky comments about how our household will change with a baby, about how when she gets pregnant she’s going to make sure that they have a stable house and income (I cannot currently work for medical reasons but I am trying to get around this) and also comments about how our child won’t be her family.
She is a very big narcissist. She seems to find a way to make everything about her, be it FIL or MIL’s birthday (I’m not allowed to call them my parents around her or she throws a tantrum), a simple family day (has to make comments about how she’s going to be a better parent, etc) or any other event.
She has to be the center of attention.
Now around 2 weeks ago, my SIL announced that she was also pregnant, and it might be twins. They do not have the stable home, etc that she had so proudly made me feel bad about. But that’s their business, I’m not going to start rubbing that in her face.
Our baby shower is today and it is also doubling as a celebration for my birthday. I have multiple family members coming from a 3+ hour drive away for the baby shower which I am very excited about. My MIL who I have a fantastic relationship is hosting the baby shower and has been very excited to do so.
I don’t want a big fuss made over my birthday, I couldn’t care less. However, this baby shower is so we can celebrate OUR BABY BOY. Not me, not SIL, and not her potential twins. She will get her turn. But I am worried that she will try to make it about her and/or her pregnancy.
I’ve been extremely patient with her until now. I’ve never called her out or made her feel intentionally like an outsider. But at this point in the pregnancy, I have started getting a lot more hormonal and I am truly over her nonsense by this point.
WIBTJ if I kick her out of the baby shower, should she attempt to make it about her or her pregnancy?”
Another User Comments:
“My advice is: don’t borrow trouble. You’re worrying about something that may not even happen. Every time I go into something watching out for someone to behave poorly, I find what I was looking for.
If I go into it expecting that I’ll have a good time with the people I love, I find that. So when she acts like a narcissist, just laugh and say, “I knew you’d do this.” And move on to enjoying the rest of your day.
Most people don’t like to be laughed at, but especially egomaniacs.” Excellent_Seesaw_566
Another User Comments:
“Engage some of your friends and family in the strategy for the day! If she goes off as you expect she will have your friends prepped to jump in for you.
You should not throw her out, you can appear magnanimous while others make comments like, “Wow, so excited to hear YOU’RE pregnant too but we’re all here to celebrate OP’s baby, right?” “Oh so you’re pregnant too, how nice for you” while turning their back on her.
I’m also a big fan of the “bless your heart” and pivot our southern friends have mastered to address social awkwardness. If this approach is universally applied it will shut her down. Or has she asked to go help in the kitchen/serve cake/pick up wrapping paper kinda thing… “After all, this party isn’t about you now, honey, is it??
OP will of course return the favor when it’s YOUR day!”” spaetzlechick
Another User Comments:
“I’d pull your mil aside and be like listen my family is really happy and excited for this and it’s supposed to be mine and my baby’s day.
If SIL does anything to ruin this or steal attention my family won’t be happy and they will rip her a new one so you might want to have a word and make that clear to her. Then tell your family to do just that.
I did it for my cousin’s wedding. I put her SIL in her place so she didn’t have to and her in-laws were well warned it would happen so they had no one to blame but themselves. NTJ” goddessofspite
15. AITJ For Expecting My Sister To Leave Work To Pick Up My Sick Child?
“I 29F inherited a house from my maternal grandma.
It’s near the city, so I can get to work and it’s big enough for me, my two kids and my husband. Even on our two salaries, my husband and I wouldn’t ever be able to afford a home like this, even though we are pretty frugal and have savings.
The housing market is tough, and we were extremely fortunate.
My half-sister Ella 25F from my dad and I are very close, and she landed a new job in the city center. On her salary, she can’t afford to rent a place in the city center area, and living on the outskirts and paying for a train there and back isn’t cost-effective.
She asked me if she could move in, as this was her dream industry and although the pay wasn’t great it was for experience and once she’d saved enough she could get on her own feet.
Ella got laid off around Christmas and had been trying hard to find work, so I offered her the guest bedroom.
She said she’d help around the house.
She’s been here a month, and been busy with her new job. I’ve asked her occasionally to help out make dinner or put the kids to bed if me and my husband are running late and it’s been fine so far.
I asked her on her WFH day to pick up my youngest from school as the nurse said she was sick. I couldn’t reach my husband, there were major train delays so it would take me at least an hour and my house is a 5-minute walk from my kid’s school.
Ella texted me back to say that she was working but she’ll try and pick up her niece when her meeting finished. I got upset- my daughter was sick and Ella said she would try and pick up her after her meeting.
I called her to tell her boss that she needed 20 minutes to pick up her niece after a family emergency, and then she could continue.
Ella argues that she still had to work for the rest of the day and she didn’t have time to babysit her niece.
I told her that I expected her to help around the house when she moved in, and she said that she wasn’t free labor.
There’s tension in the house now, and I wanted a second opinion.”
Another User Comments:
“You don’t get to decide when people get to take off work to do things. It’s not your job, you don’t understand the dynamic between her, her colleagues, and her boss, and you don’t know the conditions under which she is allowed to miss work.
You cannot order someone to take care of your sick children and expect them to put all of their responsibilities aside to do so. This is your kid, so YOU take off work and YOU go take care of YOUR kid. Helping around the house is cleaning, sweeping, doing dishes, processing laundry, you know, actual housework.
Helping around the house does not mean taking responsibility for your children.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“YTJ Your kids are not her responsibility. If it was such a rush, you could have taken a cab or taxi. How dare you call her work after she had given you an answer. If she wasn’t there working you would still be responsible for your child.
If you want to set up a schedule of help, that’s one thing, but you don’t get to compromise her work for your problems. WFH is not “free to do whatever.” You SHOULD be harassing your husband and his work about his kids – not your sister. Why didn’t you call your husband or harass his workplace?
What is your plan for if you can’t get ahold of anyone? She could have ignored your calls appropriately. ” Ok-Classroom5548
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Helping out around the house doesn’t mean putting her job on pause. That’s the job of a parent. Sure, she should be paying rent or doing chores.
But you don’t get to dictate “Take time from WORK RIGHT NOW because I can’t reach my husband, whose job it is to take care of our children with me.” NotCreativeAtAll16
14. AITJ For Refusing To Cook For My Dad's Stepkids?
“My parents are divorced. I (16m) now live with mom and visit dad every other weekend.
The change happened about a year ago. The judge won’t let me stop going on those weekends but I wish I could. I have a younger brother (14) and a younger sister (11). My dad’s married and has a stepson (10) and a stepdaughter (7). He asked me a couple of weeks ago to come to his house after school and make food for them before going home.
He asked this because he found out that I sometimes make food for my siblings when my mom works. He asked me about it the next weekend I was over there. He wanted to know why I never did that at his house. I said I just didn’t.
He told me I could have made food for all four of the kids. I told him no, that wasn’t happening. He asked why and I said because I don’t mind making something for me and my siblings but I’m not making food for just anyone.
He told me his stepkids are my siblings too just not by blood and I told him they’re not my siblings and I never said they were.
Then two weeks ago he asked to go and cook for his stepkids after school. This is during weeks my siblings are home with me and mom and weeks they’re with him.
I told him no and he made that weekend annoying as heck. My mom told him to leave me alone, I’m a kid, and I already chose not to keep 50/50 custody so he’d want to cherish the time he has with me. He told mom to shut up.
I didn’t do what he asked. He then mentioned it to me Sunday and that’s when I told him he’s crazy if he thinks I’m going to his house for the week just to make food for his stepkids. He told me if I can do it for my siblings I can do it for them.
I told him I love my siblings. That’s why I do it. Then it was like he focused on me calling him crazy and he said it’s not crazy to expect family to treat each other the same and how I’m showing blatant favoritism for my blood siblings and not my siblings through marriage.
He told me it’s cruel to be so blunt about it.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Have this conversation again but be sure to be really mature in your wording, like I just want you to be clear dad. Because I make food for my sibling that I live with, you want me to leave my home, go to yours, and make food for kids I have no relationship with?
You are angry because I don’t want to. I have told you the last 100 times you asked my answer is no. I have no time for this especially because I have to focus on school, not your step kids. Record it! Bring it to court or a mediator, or a guardian ad litem, and tell them you do not want to go back because your father spends the whole weekend fighting with you and it is affecting your mental health.
That you feel anxiety going there anticipating his next argument. He won’t take no for an answer. Say he is destroying what little relationship you had with him, he just wants you to be a servant to his stepchildren.” VastConsideration126
Another User Comments:
“Man, the more of these I read where the step parents are insane or the kids get dragged into unpleasant situations like this, the more thankful I am my dad got a vasectomy after my parents got divorced and my stepmom didn’t have any kids from her previous marriage.
She also didn’t try to force any kind of relationship on us either. She did the right thing. Unfortunately 40 years later her dementia has turned her into a complete raging jerk but up until then at least things weren’t too bad. But keep up your boundaries with your dad and don’t give in, cause if you do things will only get worse.
I don’t know what the circumstances are if his marriage with your stepmom, but that seems suspiciously fast after the divorce. What he’s doing isn’t right. Don’t let him set the tone.” smappyfunball
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and keep records of this in case it escalates and you can tell the judge.
Especially when young kids are home alone, the courts may love that tidbit. The parents are perfectly capable of having ready made snacks available to them. Plus I’m assuming you need to get home to study and maybe have after school activities. All he’s doing is pushing you away and I’m betting his wife is pushing this narrative.
We are technically related to a lot of people but that doesn’t require us to have to associate with them.” KeyHovercraft2637
13. AITJ For Not Wanting To Invite My Fiancé's Rude Cousin To Our Wedding?
“My fiancé and I (M & F 27) are planning a medium-small wedding for summer 2025, probably about 80 guests.
Our venue and budget could accommodate more, so this is not about trying to keep the size small.
Originally, we’d planned to invite all of our cousins and their children. However, this summer at my fiancé’s dad’s family’s annual camping trip, my fiancé’s oldest cousin (we’ll call him Greg, 40M) acted in a way that makes me want to exclude him.
I wasn’t on this trip because it coincided with an unmissable work opportunity, but multiple other cousins have verified what my fiance says happened.
Greg lives near where they camp. The family always divides up the various logistical tasks for camping, and Greg is always in charge of picking up the food they purchased for the week and bringing it to the campsite.
My fiancé and his brother are responsible for organizing and funding the whole event. This year, Greg was hanging around the camp consuming substances and drinking, and my fiancé asked him when he was going to get the food. Greg said he’d do it later, and my fiancé pointed out that the store closed in 45 minutes, and was 30 minutes away, so that wouldn’t work.
Greg lost it. He screamed at my fiancé for blaming Greg for forgetting the food and literally said “screw you, you’re not in charge.” Greg stormed off into the woods. Greg’s mom ended up going to get the food. Later, Greg texted my fiancé “screw you for telling my mom I wasn’t going to get the food.
I was going to get it. I’m not incompetent.” Greg’s mom was present when Greg had his initial outburst and stormed off, so no one told her anything. Later, we learned Greg was under the influence during this episode. He has not apologized but is acting like nothing happened.
I don’t want to invite him. In my opinion, someone who speaks that way to my future husband has no place at my table. My parents are paying for the wedding, so I get to make this decision. My fiancé supports it, but he’s worried that Greg’s mom would be angry at me, my fiancé, and my fiancé’s dad (her brother) for excluding her only child from the wedding.
Since every other cousin would be invited, it would be clear that we were singling out Greg. I think it’s justified, but I know it could appear rude and could ruffle feathers. WIBTJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Since the incident was witnessed by apparently the entire family, I don’t think anyone would blame you for excluding Greg for his rude behavior.
You’re not being rude. His actions have consequences. Maybe offer an olive branch and say that if Greg offers a sincere apology for the camping incident then you’ll reconsider a wedding invite. If he’s unwilling to apologize then it’s on him and not on you.” sour_lemons
Another User Comments:
“NTJ…Greg has had ample time to apologize and prove he’s not that guy who saw freak out. Unfortunately, he has not taken the opportunity, so all you can assume is that he IS that guy. Nobody would want that guy at their wedding.” RoyallyOakie
Another User Comments:
“NTJ But honestly, even if your fiancé wants you to make the decision, he needs to make it! If there is social fallout then he needs to stand up for you and tell everyone that it was his decision. His family is his to manage!” Signal_This
12. AITJ For Not Attending My Sister's Child-Free Wedding Because She Doesn't Spend Time With My Family?
“My (29m) sister (26f) and I have a.. challenged relationship. Primarily personality differences which have led us to be relatively low contact over the last several years. However, a shift occured during my wife’s (29m) recent pregnancy. My wife gave birth ~6 months ago to a baby boy, and during her pregnancy, my sister and her fiance were very supportive and appeared to genuinely show compassion.
Fast forward to now, and despite trying to make plans to see them since our son was born, every attempt has been rebuffed. They live ~15 minutes from us so it’s not exactly a difficult task for them to spend time with my wife and me and their nephew.
My sister and her fiance are getting married in a few weeks in a destination wedding requiring flights/hotel etc. We received the invitation ~2 months ago, where my wife and I were named invitees and our son was not. I inquired as to whether he was included, or if we should make other plans.
The ultimate answer (after some handwringing to get one out of them) was they decided on a child-free wedding, except for one of my sister’s fiancé’s nephews who was to be the ring bearer – we took slight issue with that but ultimately we understand that’s someone’s personal choice.
It just involves a little more coordination for my wife and I being able to attend.
Using that discussion as a catalyst, I proceeded to ask them if there was any particular reason they had spent zero time with the three of us since our son was born.
The answer I received back was unfortunate (but not unexpected) that she and her husband intentionally haven’t wanted to spend any time with us, and as a result they haven’t seen their nephew at all.
On this basis, my wife and I have determined if they can’t be bothered to go 10-20 minutes out of their way to spend any time with us in 6 months, that it’s lofty for them to expect us to figure out 3-4 day childcare to fly 5 hours (or take our infant to a relatively remote destination and arrange local childcare or have my wife miss the wedding) to attend a wedding of someone that has not wanted to be around us for half a year.
Disappointing, but that’s the state of the world right now apparently. So, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Have they given you a reason for why they didn’t want to spend time with you? Nonetheless, they should’ve made the effort to at least spend several minutes with their newborn nephew.
If they plan to keep this up in the future as well, I don’t see why you should make the effort to accommodate them especially since they also banned your nephew from attending.” BlackFlash3003
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Even without the background you’ve shared, many people decline an invitation to a destination wedding because of the extra expense, time off work, and hassle, especially trying to figure out childcare.
With the background, it looks like your sister and her fiancé do not want you and your family in their life anyway, and it would be a real drag to be present for their happy day knowing this.” Auntie-Mam69
Another User Comments:
“I am at a loss to explain why your sister and her fiancé have changed their behavior for a time, but it appears that your sister has decided to go very low contact again.
The wedding invitation was probably sent out of obligation and not from a true desire to have you and your wife there. It sounds like there will be no regrets on either side if you and your wife skip. You two have a new baby, which is quite expensive.
The destination wedding would have just added to the financial strain. And your baby is young enough that exposure to the germ factory that we call flying is probably not a good idea. Better to stay home and enjoy the crying, diaper changing, and sleepless nights.
The reality is that you don’t become friends with everyone you meet, including siblings. Sometimes especially siblings. No jerks here” User
11. AITJ For Wanting To Tell My Brother The Truth About Our Parents' Death?
“I’m a 20-year-old guy and I’m struggling with a difficult situation involving my 17-year-old brother. My brother and I, who I will call Carson, have always been very close growing up and we were raised by our grandparents.
Carson has always been obsessed with finding out what happened to our parents, especially once he became a teen. He was always told that our parents loved us and, as much as I love our grandparents, they led him to believe that our parents were still alive.
Our parents died when I was 9 and Carson was 6 in a car accident. I was at home with my grandparents and Carson was in the car. Somehow he survived despite the accident being so bad. My parents weren’t so lucky. When we got to the hospital, my grandparents were taken to Carson and he was asleep for a while.
I was still pretty young and can’t really remember everything, but I can remember that it took him a couple of days to wake up. Once he did, he had no memory of being in the car. His last memory was what he ate that morning.
The doctors said it might be trauma and that it was best to let him take in a bit of information at a time.
My grandpa insisted we never tell him about our parents to spare him the pain and I listened. Over the years, I watched them lie to him and he started to develop this bad image of our parents who were amazing people.
Now at 17, he’s really poking around and I’m sure he’ll figure it out sooner or later. I’ve been helping “look” for our parents. It really hurts me because whenever I want to tell him, I’m afraid he’ll go mad or something.
The only reason my parents went out with him that day was because he threw a tantrum and wanted to spend time with both of them and I was sick so I couldn’t go. Everyone in my family calls it a miracle but in my head, it really wasn’t.
I’ve decided to tell him recently but my grandpa says that if I do, I’m a horrible brother because I would be making him relive his childhood trauma. I truly believe he should know and I really can’t keep it a secret anymore.
I feel like a horrible person. So, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and your grandparents have put you in an awful position by doing this. They could easily have told him your parents had passed away without including all the details. You should tell him the truth, leave out the part about the tantrum – just that your parents died in a car crash – and apologise to him for your part in hiding the truth from him.
It’s not your fault your grandparents put you into this really bad position but he’s going to struggle to see it that way, so be prepared for him to be really angry at you for a long time. But if you at least come clean now, you might be able to salvage your relationship.
If he finds out by himself, he will probably never forgive you.” Fthebo
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. He’s 17. He deserves to know. And he’s gonna figure out pretty darn soon that he can just request a death certificate from the state anyway. Then he may hate you for keeping the truth from him for so long.
Do you think it’s less painful for him to go his entire life thinking his parents walked out on you guys? What ridiculous story has the family even told him that his parents love him and are very much alive but haven’t wanted to see him from age 6 to 17?
The story you guys are telling is way more hurtful than telling the truth.” Meldivian
Another User Comments:
“This is above your pay grade. It is definitely above your grandparent’s pay grade. It is time to involve a therapist. That person can help you/Carson.
Probably ask for a referral but do not delay. You guys withheld important details from your brother and his emotions will be all over the place. It could not have been ‘easy’ but he should have known years ago his parents died. It is a big betrayal to him that his loved ones lied to him.
And it’s not fair to you that you were not allowed to properly grieve over the years.” BarTony670
10. AITJ For Trying To Sabotage My Roommate's Relationship Over Jealousy?
“I moved into college last year and became friends with my roommates. One roommate (Alec) recently got a partner (Olivia) and soon after, we met this girl (Jenna). Jenna was pretty and so I invited her to hang out. We became friends and so she met my roommates.
We started hanging out all together and I noticed them being extra friendly, almost flirty. It made me incredibly angry especially because he had a partner. I was actively trying to pursue her and I feel like things started to change once she met him.
The dynamic was off even though Jenna swore she didn’t like Alec. One day I was supposed to meet up with him and when he got there, Jenna was there with a bunch of her friends. I thought it was weird so I texted Olivia saying that Alec was with a bunch of girls.
Later on, we kept hanging out and Jenna was sitting next to Alec in a circle.
It bothered me that he seemed interested in the girl that I liked and introduced to him, so I sent a picture of them sitting together to Olivia with a message that said I was sorry I had to be the one to tell her this.
I only implied that it was a possibility, and it was. I did kind of hope it would cause Olivia to ask him to stay away from Jenna and maybe things would go back to normal. It kinda worked and they fought, but it didn’t last long and they were back to talking within a week.
I decided to try it again and see if maybe the second time Alec would really take it seriously and stay away, again, it worked a bit. I kept doing it to see if it would do something and at a certain point it just became a habit for me to do.
I did it for a few months every time they hung out. They both found out and are incredibly upset telling me that it was a horrible thing to do to two of my closest friends. I know it maybe was not my place, but I was only trying to help and maybe I had my selfish reasons, but it just didn’t sit well with me.”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ, what you did was repeated behavior to try to manipulate them to break up. That is quite toxic and manipulative behavior, I wouldn’t want to be friends with someone who does that. Perhaps the next time you get jealous of a friend interacting with the girl you like, just talk to the friend about it?” Effective-Case7980
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. So you start hanging around a girl you like and never talk about your feelings with her? Mistake right there. You then get jealous of the time she’s spending with another guy because of the vibes? Because he has a partner?
With zero evidence of being unfaithful, you decided to stir up drama in his relationship by making the partner insecure for months. And still never talked to her about your feelings. That is some kind of manipulative psychotic behavior. I don’t know what kind of self-esteem issues you got, but get therapy and learn to act like an adult and just ask someone out.” The-good-twin
Another User Comments:
“YTJ You were jealous that a girl you wanted, liked your friend, and rather than acting like the young ADULT you are and telling him how you feel you decided to try and be sneaky. Telling the partner wasn’t necessarily wrong IF you had only intended on making her aware of a potential situation, but that wasn’t your goal. Your goal was to try and get her to keep him from even being friends with someone that wasn’t into you in the first place” Your_Daddy1972.
9. AITJ For Demanding Info From The Women Who Hit My Car And Then Followed Me Home?
“I (20F) was driving back home after getting my nails done. I was stopped at a stop sign and waiting to take a left onto a main road. Out of nowhere, a car crashed right into me from behind me. I stepped out of my car to get their information.
The car that hit me was filled with three women; all in either their forties or fifties. At this point, I was a little heated and very scared but I think I kept myself pretty calm. The driver stepped out and immediately disregarded the damage that was done to my car.
She was saying there was no damage and everything was fine. I asked if I could still get her information and she kept insisting that there was no reason for me to get it. The other two women in the car were telling her not to give me her info because I was just going to raise their insurance.
I said that I didn’t know what kind of damage could be done to my car internally so I still needed her info. This is when I pulled my phone out to get a video of the accident and her plate number.
They all started to raise their voices at me and when I responded that I had to document this for my safety I was told to not get snippy with her.
I feel like I was being respectful and I only raised my voice because they were all yelling at me. There were some scratches on my car, and part of my bumper was moved outward. Sorry that my description of the damage isn’t great as I don’t know a lot about cars.
My car is also 17 years old, and there could be something wrong internally that I wouldn’t realize until later. This was my first ever car accident and I didn’t know what to do but one thing I’ve always remembered is to take videos and get the other person’s information.
I gave up on getting her name, got back into my car, and drove back home to my campus. As I took another turn onto my campus I realized that they had been following me the whole time. They followed me to my dorms and once they saw where I lived, they honked the horn at me, yelled at me, and flipped me off.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, except to yourself for not threatening to call police on the spot if they didn’t provide their info. They are obligated by law to provide you with their information. They are trying to get away from the damage they caused. Report the accident to police ASAP, state that they refused to provide insurance information, and ask for help with getting it.
Provide them with a copy of the video. Also, report the incident to your insurance. Do not communicate with them. Claim with insurance.” Pesec1
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Always get info, always get video, always get plates and names of witnesses/ passengers if you can.
Get a front/rear dashcam too, and never tell the other party you have one. File insurance and police reports always, no matter how small the damage. Write down what happened in a notepad on your phone or record a voice memo. I’ve been burned on letting someone go like this, they claimed I brake checked them, were claiming neck injuries, loss of wages, physical therapist, the works.
Too bad I had a rear dashcam and had taken note of their plate, everything. Sent that over to my insurance, their insurance, and police. Never heard anything from them again but pretty sure they got slapped with some fines and fraud charges.” gazorpianc137
8. AITJ For Feeling Overwhelmed By My Partner's Obsession With A Music Artist?
“My partner has a strong passion for one dance/electronic/hip hop artist. When we first met, he tried to get me interested, and although it wasn’t my cup of tea, I was supportive.
I even bought my tickets to concerts to attend with him to show interest. I liked a few of their songs and didn’t mind listening to them together.
However, over the years, his obsession has consumed almost every aspect of his life. We now live together, and our apartment is covered in posters from the artist’s shows.
He spends weekends traveling to their concerts, often taking time off work for them. He frequently buys hundreds of dollars worth of merchandise at a time- hoodies, hats, blankets, t-shirts, completely random stuff, but when it comes to spending on us or our time together, he won’t make the same effort.
His obsession extends to our daily life. The apartment is filled with his merch- aside from the posters, there are band blankets all over our furniture, and he constantly plays the artist’s music in our living room. I can’t make the bed and decorate it nicely with my blankets without him throwing one of his on top.
Even when we go on trips, he prefers to listen to this artist for hours. He’ll listen to replays of shows and has memorized time stamps for his favorite parts. His response to my complaints is that I should just listen to my music with headphones.
I feel overwhelmed and trapped by the constant presence of this artist’s music.
Recently, after a weekend at one of the artist’s shows, I hoped we could spend some quality time together. Instead, he spent the evening rewatching the show and engaging in an artist-focused social media group for fans.
I feel like my needs and preferences are being ignored, and I’m growing resentful because my efforts to be understanding haven’t been reciprocated. He does not compromise on music whenever he’s driving us somewhere but asks me to play “mutual” music in my car.
We work down the street from each other and have the same hours and can’t even carpool because I can’t tolerate this artist any longer and he’s not willing to compromise.
I’ve tried discussing my feelings with him, but he doesn’t seem to care.
I’m not considering ending the relationship yet, but his obsession is causing tension and frustration. AITJ for feeling this way?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, it’s more of an addiction at this point. I get it, you can like one artist, but make it your whole life?
You’ll only find acceptance in the echo chambers with people like you. Either you guys talk it down to earth and find a compromise, or it’ll start affecting your everyday life even more.” This_Scar2232
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – His refusal to compromise at all and unwillingness to hear you are eroding the foundation for your relationship.
It’s not just about a band, it’s about him not wanting to let you into his life. He covers every inch of what should be a shared space with his wants, his interests, and his way until it smothers you. A relationship can’t be sustained that way and it just isn’t how co-habitation works.
He has zero respect for you, your comfort, your wants, your needs, anything to do with you. And that’s not acceptable in a relationship, where you put forth all the effort and he puts forth none. This relationship has become a burden to you.
You don’t have to bear it any longer.” CrimsonKnight_004
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It’s an addiction now. You’d probably be better served cutting your losses and leaving this guy. He’s never going to prioritize you over this obsession. I wouldn’t be at all surprised if he blew off something as important as his wedding to attend something related to this band.” Dragon_Queen_666
7. AITJ For Not Checking My Phone During My Party, Causing A Friend To Leave?
“I organized a party at my parent’s house because they were on holiday and I had the house to myself. I don’t live in the city but rather in the Countryside.
This isn’t as bad as it seems since I live in a very small country and even the countryside most of the time isn’t too far away from the nearest city. Also, the train connections are very good, we have 4 trains/per hour going to the city during the day and by night (especially on weekends) it goes down to 1 train per hour.
Still, one of my friends who lives in the city decided to come by car. Which is fine, that’s her decision to make.
At 7 pm when the party started, I plugged in my phone and left it in the living room while the guests who were already there and I went out into the garden.
At that moment I saw a message from her “I will be there at 7.30 pm” so I sent her a thumbs up as a response and went to talk with my friends.
At around 8 pm, I went back in to check my phone only to find 8 new messages from her and 3 missed calls.
In the messages, she said she didn’t know where to park and she’s now waiting outside my house and can’t reach me. She waited for almost 30 minutes and then left again and went back home.
The road in front of my house is a very small and quiet road with almost no cars and if there are cars they’re very slow because there’s usually a bunch of children playing there.
My friend could’ve just put her car on that road, gotten out of it, and come ask me where she should park for real. Nothing would have happened if she did that. There was also a WhatsApp group with all the people in there who were already at the party.
She could have texted or even called the Whatsapp group and someone would have seen that message, told me and I could have gone to help her. Also since my parent took the car with them their usual parking spot was empty she could have just parked there and then come ask if that’s okay.
AITJ for not checking my phone for an hour at my party because of which she had to leave again and go home?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. This feels way below the level of jerk. I mean, when people are coming to your house, it might be nice to keep your phone on you.
But sometimes phones need charging! And as you say, your friend could have left her car on the road and popped in to check.” SushiGuacDNA
Another User Comments:
“Definitely NTJ. You are supposed to leave your phone and go be involved in the party. You would be a bad host if you had your phone on you, checking messages, etc. Anyone with common sense would realize you’re too busy to be checking and answering text messages.
Your friend was being a tantrum-throwing brat, and it’s probably better that she did go home.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“I don’t think you’re the jerk here. It’s your party, and you shouldn’t have to be glued to your phone constantly. It sounds like you were busy with your guests and didn’t see her messages until later.
It’s a bit much for her to expect you to be instantly available, especially if she could have tried a bit harder to reach out or figure things out on her own. Maybe next time just let your guests know to call or text a specific person if they have trouble finding you.” Lynnasworld
6. AITJ For Screaming At My Mom After Being Constantly Involved In Their Marital Issues?
“My (20F) parents (55M and 55F) have been going through a rough patch in their marriage for some time now. It’s been almost a year since my grandfather passed away which has led my dad to spend more and more time with my grandma.
He has also been through stress at work and usually decides to spend his day silently doing work or playing squash. My mom and dad have been arguing almost every day because she feels neglected and wants him to go back to his lively self.
In the past year, I have been subjected to various conversations about their marriage and cracks in their relationship in general. My dad tries to convince me that he doesn’t have time to spend with us because he’s busy (this upsets me equally if not more than my mom because I’m very very close to both of them) and my mom has a long monologue about my dad and how he has no time for her, thinks she is boring and would rather spend all his time with my grandma.
I have heard both of their statements and tried to maintain an empathetic bond with both of them throughout. Both by lending an ear as well as trying to offer them advice.
Today, I told my mom how done I am with hearing the same story again and again.
I don’t have the emotional capacity anymore and can’t handle any of this. I told her I was not involved in the situation and didn’t want to talk about it anymore because it was getting too much for me. My mom told me that I was trying to escape the situation, she said “You’re a copy of your dad and grandpa.” My mom disliked my grandfather because he was always cruel towards her and said some nasty things to her.
This hurt me very much because I have done nothing but try to offer them some respite from their lives and listening and listening and listening to the same thing every day. I slammed the door and screamed at her that I don’t care about her marriage and don’t give a darn about the situation anymore.
AITJ for screaming at her?”
Another User Comments:
“Your parents are jerks for setting inappropriate boundaries with you, and what seems like venting about the other parent vs. working out their marital differences with one another. Your outburst was pretty insensitive, but given how much you tried to be a listening ear, you tried to set boundaries (by saying you do not have the emotional capacity to handle their problems), and you got lobbed an “emotional bomb” (the “you’re just like your father/grandfather” – hello generational trauma!), I don’t blame you for your outburst, especially given your age.
NTJ” Independent-Length54
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Parents should not involve their kids in any of their relationship struggles, period. The only reason they are doing this is because they are trying to get you to pick a side, and that is just cruel. There is a reason that a fundamental rule for separation in any divorce is that both parents need to agree to not harm the other to their kids.
It’s pathetic, manipulative, and just bad parenting. There is nothing wrong with setting a boundary with both of them to leave you out of their relationship struggles. That said, you are a little old to throw a temper tantrum, slam your door, and scream at them.
That’s the behavior of a child. I’ll let it slide since their issues are much more serious than this, but just something to think about in the future. Mature adults calmly, and rationally, talk through their problems with respect. It doesn’t sound like you have had many good examples of mature adults in your life, so I feel for you.” Responsible-End-6371
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Parents shouldn’t be complaining about each other to their children. Your mom needs a therapist or an adult friend to confide in and shouldn’t keep repeating the same things to you. It’s not ideal that you lashed out, and in the future, when you feel frustration building up, you should try to have a conversation about it before you explode.
The whole situation is still not your fault though.” dreamingpotatoes
5. AITJ For Prioritizing My Education Over Financially Supporting My Family?
“I am a working student, and I live with my family.
For context, my mom and dad got divorced. My dad supports us, but not enough since we are a lot in the family, which led me to work, and last year I started working in June 2023, and I also stopped school for a year. At that time, I was able to give freely (financially) to support my mom, even though I was not happy with it because hard-earned money should be for my school, but she told me that she’d pay me back.
But guess what? That never happened. A lot of things happened at my work, and I stopped working at my previous company in January 2024, so I was unemployed and doing nothing and kind of helping my mom with her eatery for like 3 months until my mom pressured me so much to get work, and until May 2024, I tried to apply, and fortunately I succeeded. I’m still giving my mom a part of my salary, but not that much since I’m preparing for school this year.
There was this one time when my mom told me not to go to school and just provide my money to my siblings (22M, 17M, and 13F) who are currently enrolled. Well, I said no and still enrolled myself. I provide my tuition fee, school uniform, school supplies, and everything about my school and work.
I’m also forced by my mom to pay for my sister’s (13F) tuition fee. Then again, I slightly felt good because I was able to help my sister, but I wanted to pay my school first so that I have no problems in the future.
This August my mom kept on shouting at me that it was hurting her I wasn’t able to give money to her. The reason I wasn’t able to give it to my mom was that I paid my debt to my sister and brother-in-law. I have to pay for my books (my book costs at least 500 PHP per book, or 25 USD), and my ID (it’s not included in my tuition fee).
I also have to buy my PE uniform. This makes my money 2000 PHP or 107 USD, and I have 15 days for my next paycheck to come, and I still have to go to school and work.
Note: It feels like I’m not being transparent. I have four other siblings.
(27F, 22M, 17M, and 13F). My BIL (26M) is the one who fixes my computer. My sister is married and has a daughter (1F). She is supporting our finances, but not all the time. Since she doesn’t have work and is a stay-at-home mom for my niece, she helps our family when she can.
My mom wanted her to be obligated when helping with our finances and to get a job since my BIL is only giving allowances to my sister, but since my sister already had a family on her own, a house on their own, she had to prioritize her family first. ”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your sister should get a part-time job to help pay for her own expenses/costs, or at least just as much as you are doing. You must take care of yourself; if your mother cannot accept that, then maybe you need to move out and live with roommates or live on your own.
CLARIFICATION: Everyone who lives there should pitch in with the financials. What’s not clear is if OP’s brothers still live at home or if they have moved out. My comment was because the specific focus of OP’s assistance was the sister going to school.” Individual_Ad_9213
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It’s a fact of life that when you decide to have children, you are committing to provide for them. Your mother had a large family. That’s a huge financial risk. But the risk is hers and your dad’s. If you live at home, give your mother a portion of the rent.
If five people are living there, pay exactly 1/5 of the rent utilities, and food. Not one dime more. Your mother doesn’t seem to care about your education or well-being. Since that’s the case, take care of yourself. And that means going to college. Don’t let her bully you.” ElmLane62
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Girl, trust me: look after yourself first. Otherwise, you’ll spend years supporting relatives with money you’ll never see back to you. You need to get your degree to improve your chances at a better job and *maybe* start helping a little bit more without setting yourself on fire to keep them warm, don’t screw your situation up.” ManagementBetter6050
4. AITJ For Feeling Like My Mom Prefers Her New Family Over Me?
“My (16M) mom(36 F) and my dad(37M) had me and my twin brother when they were like 20. They were too young so my grandma and grandpa had to help too sometimes, but overall they did a good job, except they divorced when I was 5 and since then my mom re-married. She has now a ‘new’ family with her husband, they had their kid 5 years ago and she also lives with his two step-kids.
I currently live with my step-mom and dad, and I get along with both, my stepmom is a really sweet woman. But I never saw her as my ‘mom’. My mom visits every weekend and we do things together now and then. Recently I was starting to miss her, so I started visiting her more, I got my DL recently, and yesterday I drove over to her house.
I have met my step-siblings before but I don’t have a relationship with them. The whole time, I felt like an outcast and I was jealous of my mom’s relationship with them, she’s closer to them than me.
When we were alone talking, my mom was telling me about their trip next week to the Bahamas and I was so sad she didn’t invite me or my brother.
I asked her if we could come too, but she said the tickets were already paid or whatever but if she had told me sooner she would of course invited us too. At that moment I couldn’t keep my emotions together so I asked her if she preferred them to me.
She laughed and told me of course not but I didn’t believe her so I started crying and I was telling her that I missed her and that she didn’t love me, she tried to hug me but I just left.
I drove back home and I told my dad what happened he tried to confront me and tell me that we could go together whenever I wanted, but that wasn’t the issue, the issue was that I wanted my mom to stop considering us her ‘second’ family.
Then her husband called my dad and told him that I made HER cry for what I said and I should be more careful with my words. My dad kind of brushed him off and hung up but I was ashamed and felt guilty. Am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your mother didn’t even think of you and your brother while planning the trip, so for her to say “if she had known” is disingenuous. Her husband should have butted out because there is no reason why you need to watch how you phrase things during a conversation but she can be nonchalant about proving your point by her actions as well as words.” ahopskip_andajump
Another User Comments:
“Oh dear heart you are not in any way responsible for this. NTJ. Your mother should be giving you time with her and including you in their life with your half-sibling and step-siblings [if you get along]. She should also be giving you time just with you and her and your brother.
Just because she has another family does not mean that you should be pushed aside. Did she explain at all why she did not invite you and your brother to the trip? Was it money or? The husband of your mom should not get involved and he may not know the entire reason as to why she was crying.
He needs to understand that her behavior towards you is hurtful too. I would take Dad up on a trip for you and your brother so you can reset and recharge and have some fun.” mynameisnotsparta
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – Do not feel ashamed and do not feel guilty.
I’m assuming your mom meant what she said when she told you that she would have invited you and your brother if she knew you were interested. She knows that the reason you didn’t say anything in time was because she didn’t tell you about it.
She should have cried once that reality hit her. Or she’s crying because she’s feeling guilty over knowing that she didn’t mean it when she said it. Either way, you are completely correct in feeling the way you are feeling. I don’t like the fact that you call your stepmom ‘stepmom’ but the jerk who tried to get you to feel guilty for your mom being in her feels BECAUSE SHE SHOULD BE IN HER FEELS is just ‘her husband’.
I’m betting you can tell more stories about how he makes you feel…” [deleted]
3. AITJ For Blaming My Brother For Family Tension Over His Ex-Partner?
“So my brother was with his ex for almost 10 years, high school sweethearts. They divorced in their late 20s, no children either since I know that will be a question.
While my family wasn’t super fond of the ex, we tolerated her. She wasn’t a horrible person, just didn’t fit our family very well.
After about 2 years, my brother finally got enough confidence to get back out onto the social scene and met Kayla.
Now my family absolutely adored Kayla, mostly our mother. They bonded very quickly and became friends. They would see each other at least once a week to shop, grab dinner or do cross-stitching, which she and my mom both love. They were together for about 2 years.
Out of nowhere around 6-7 months ago, my brother decided to end things with Kayla. Where did you go he ask. He and his ex-wife decided to get back together to give it a second shot. Kayla was heartbroken, but with my mom’s support and her friends, she’s been getting through it.
To say I was upset with my brother would be an understatement. I was already angry at him for going back to his ex. But within the last month, he’s been telling my mother that he will have low contact with her if she keeps Kayla around as her friend.
He says her being around all the time makes him uncomfortable, and she needs to reduce the friendship or he is going low contact. (For the record my mother doesn’t invite her over when he is. It is on her personal time she does this)
My father, who doesn’t want to lose contact has been trying to convince his mom to do it because he’s family, but my mom is obviously upset because she doesn’t want to lose a son or her friend! She and my dad have been arguing about it according to her.
I talked to my brother the other week and told him that all these problems stem from him and that they are his fault. Telling Mom who she can be friends with is awful. He told me that he isn’t comfortable with it, and if she’s willing to give up a relationship with her son for someone she’s known only 2 years, that’s her prerogative.
He hung up on me after that.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“I think it’s pretty bizarre your mother was the one helping the ex through the breakup. I understand your mom was close to her and I agree that your mom is allowed to have friends and a relationship with the ex, it’s also really strange Honestly you all just seem upset that he decided to go back to his ex.
It’s his life. Has nothing to do with you. You need to stop blaming him. You also all need to understand boundaries cause you lack them majorly. Your brother didn’t ask your mom to contact you completely, but maybe your mom needs to stop being this woman’s therapist in overcoming a breakup.
Your brother isn’t to blame at all.” starrynight764
Another User Comments:
“YTJ your brother can be uncomfortable with your mom straight up showing that she prefers Kayla and being around her. Asking her to not hang out with an ex that she has no ties to (no kids) isn’t weird, but.
Expecting your son to still want to talk to you when you choose to talk to his ex he asked you not to is. She can want to keep talking to the girl you all say you like more. That doesn’t mean your brother will keep talking to your mom.
it’s not his fault he was with 2 people and your mom only liked 1. It is your fault for being a jerk.” Sweetcilantro
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. Your brother wants a second shot with his ex-wife. That is their business. I’d suggest to your mom that if she wants to continue a friendship with Kayla, then she can do so, but not involve the rest of the family.
Your brother has a right to not have distractions around while he’s working on mending his previous relationship. Your mom, if she is capable (no info on how well she keeps secrets), should also not bring up any mention of Kayla to your brother.” Srvntgrrl_789
2. AITJ For Refusing To Help My Sick Mom Because She Favors My Sister In Her Will?
“My mom has cancer. My older sister Lynn with 3 kids never left home. My mom called the rest of the siblings saying she is changing the will because she is leaving the home and its contents to Lynn.
After all, Lynn does so much for her.
My older brother and his family don’t do anything for Mom because of Lynn and went no contact years ago. I haven’t even met their youngest kids but I hope they are living their best life.
I’m single but have my studio just trying to save up money and splitting the home with me would have helped but I have little contact with mom and sis because it was always something with them for Lynn or her kids.
I’m not the father of those kids and I told my sister that a few years ago.
My mom randomly calls and asks if I could come stay a week (that means I would have to take off work and my OT hours) to help her with a surgery she’s having because Lynn can’t because she’s busy with the children and she could put a bed in the garage for me.
I told Mom I doubted I could get the time off to do that in such a short amount of time. Mom told me she already got the FMLA paperwork from the doctor so they have to give it off.
I asked Mom about her will and the house.
She told me that’s because Lynn has helped her so much. I told her good Lynn can help you with this because I’m not. My mom started crying that surgery would help her with her quality of life and I could pick some stuff out around the home to take back with me.
I asked Mom if I could pick out a bedroom to sleep in (there are 4) and she said she couldn’t move Lynn and her kids around “It’s their home” At that I kind of flipped out on my mom and said tell Lynn to help you because I’m not taking off work.
My mom said she’s dying and just trying to make her life more comfortable with this surgery and I should do this for her. I told her she should have treated us all with the same gloves she had treated Lynn with and that is her legacy.
I refuse to talk to my mom anymore about it.”
Another User Comments:
“She wants you to take time off from work and sleep in the garage? That would be a big no. It will be much more convenient for her if Lynn is in charge of taking care of her.
Lynn gets to sleep in the house, so can hear if Mom calls out to her. You need to look after your future, not hers. Losing your job because you insisted on taking time off to help her is not taking care of your future.
Losing a week’s wages isn’t either. NTJ” JaneTheCane
Another User Comments:
“Sorry YTJ. I am going to get downvoted but this is just sad to read. Your mom has cancer, crying that she needs help..and what you care about is to be petty and bring some issue about the will.
Like does it matter when someone has cancer and needs to get surgery done? I honestly don’t understand how cold-hearted a lot of people are on Reddit. Always surprises me. It is always about what’s logically right and winning some argument” Enamoure
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Your mother is dying a slow painful death and you provide no help, even when is crying for help for a surgery that will give her some of her quality of life back? Because of a house on an inheritance? This sounds harsh. You have not spent time with her or with any cancer patient.
Sure, if she was a terrible mother and that’s you punishing her for a life of trauma, that’s a different conversation. But that’s not what is said here. (Who hurt you all here in the comments?)” avocat
1. AITJ For Continually Inviting My Brother's Ex To Family Events?
“Like I mentioned in the title my brother’s ex-Maya went out of her way to bring my niece to a different country so she could spend the summer with my family.
I know it couldn’t have been easy for her and I felt bad that she was stuck all alone so I started inviting her to do things with us.
Sometimes my niece would be there, which is when everybody was okay with me inviting her, but other times it was just us (my brother, family, and friends) which is when people started having issues with it.
The first person to bring it up was my brother’s best friend. He told me to stop getting her to tag along because “nobody” wanted her there. I told him he should stay home if he had an issue with it because I wanted her there.
We had multiple arguments over it and eventually other people started joining in and siding with him.
A lot of them were expressing faux concern for my brother but he hadn’t said anything about me inviting Maya along at this point. Now I know my brother probably has unresolved feelings for Maya because she’s the first person in his life to leave him and he proposed to her so I get it… but at the same time, they have a daughter together now so they need to be okay with being around each other and I don’t want my niece to think we dislike her mother.
Eventually, my brother did tell me to stop inviting Maya but he tried to act like he was saying it out of concern for her and not because it bothered him. He reasoned that Maya was a “homebody” and I was “most likely” making her uncomfortable and she felt like she had no choice but to accept my invites because she was a guest in our home which I think he just made up.
After all, she could’ve said no.
The reason I’m making this post is because towards the end of their visit, my brother kept getting angry at me over the slightest thing and I know it’s because of this. He also joined in when his friends were complaining about me in front of my partner (his friend).
Usually, he wouldn’t let his friends say a bad word about me which is how I know I’ve made him angry.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ You have been asked to stop inviting the other person. You continue to extend an invitation. Your justifications are just that, justifications.
If you want to spend time with Maya and her daughter, ask them to go do something without the rest of the family. It is not your job to police your brother’s interactions with others if he is an adult.” cs24385
Another User Comments:
“YTJ Involving the ex who left your sibling is like rubbing salt in an open wound.
You felt like you knew better than anybody what is the right thing. You don’t, you have made a painful situation for your family. You are the jerk, go spend time with Maya if you want by YOURSELF. Stop your nonsense.” SliceEquivalent825
Another User Comments:
“So, when you go through a painful breakup, you’ll be cool with your brother bringing your ex around, regularly? And you’ll accept him presuming to dictate to you how you should feel about it? Listen I get that maintaining a relationship between your niece and extended family is important, and it sounds like Maya is being very gracious in accommodating that.
It doesn’t mean your brother should have her presence forced on him continually, especially when it’s not a co-parenting event. ” wombatdancing
