People Try To Get Out Of Mistreatment In These 'Am I The Jerk?' Stories
23. AITJ For Refusing To Watch My Ex-Wife's Kids With Her New Partner?
“A little background information, my wife and I separated a few years ago. It was a bit tumultuous because she was pregnant with our second child at the time and the pregnancy was causing a lot of issues.
I had endured her mood swings during the first pregnancy but this time was different. She friggin hated me, and we’d get into fights in front of our first born who was four at the time. It got to the point where I couldn’t even go home without getting into some kind of confrontation so I got us counseling which didn’t help despite how expensive it was.
We separated shortly after. Once the second baby arrived we were able to peacefully divorce and I ended up with split custody. My ex and I have been rotating weeks with the kids ever since and it’s honestly worked out okay. Until recently that is.
See, she’s since had two more kids with her new partner, and the other day I was on the phone with her to arrange pickup because it’s my week and she asked if I could also watch her two other kids cause I guess her partner is going on a hunting trip or something, she has to work and there’s no one else who can do it.
I said no and we got into yet another fight. First fight in years. She started yelling at me over the phone about how her two youngest get sad when their big brothers leave for the week, how they feel like they’re missing out, how I’m selfish for not accommodating them, and how it’s not their fault and blah blah blah… I didn’t give a reason as to why I wasn’t going to watch her two youngest, I just said no, and that was that.
Anyway, I feel guilty now. She had some good points. Her two youngest didn’t ask to be born, all the stuff their mother and I went through isn’t their fault, and they deserve to be safe and happy just like all other kids, but I just can’t bring myself to do it.
I’m sure I could, but I’m picturing all four boys sitting in my living room and I’m thinking about how seeing those two kids who aren’t mine sitting there in my home would be a crushing reminder of everything that went wrong between myself the person I thought I’d be spending the rest of my life with.
It hurts just thinking about it.
Anyway, am I being a selfish jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You are not being selfish. You are not denying your two boys anything. It is unreasonable for your ex to assume you can watch four kids on short notice. She got mad at you because you wouldn’t solve her problem for her.
She’s trying to manipulate you and using your kids to do it. Learn to be zen when she comes at you with this stuff. You sound like a good dad and have empathy for your boys. They’ll be fine. So will you. ” cascadia1979
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You’re not a free babysitter when it’s convenient for her.
Also, it’s not about excluding kids that are not yours. It’s more so about her audacity of mistreating you, breaking up the family, and still expecting you to jump when she says. I’d also say no. ” DistantDaughter325
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You aren’t her babysitter and this isn’t even an emergency.
Her partner scheduling a trip when they didn’t have childcare arranged was irresponsible. The whole “I’m great friends with my ex and their new partner and all of our kids all hang out, kumbaya” stuff that a few people have is very much the exception. You’re not a jerk for not including kids who are not yours in family time.” GhostParty21
22. AITJ For Not Including My Husband's Kids In My Life Insurance Policy?
“I 37F have been married to my husband 40M for about a year, together for 7 years. I have 3 bio kids (21, 18, 10) and he has 7 bio kids, none of which are ours together. We have most of the kids every weekend, holidays, time off from school, etc, and try to be as involved with all of their lives as possible.
I pay all our household bills (mortgage, electric, car payments, etc) as I have a steady salary and we live off my husband’s income (trips, groceries, gas, Christmas, birthdays, etc) as he’s self-employed so his income isn’t as expected as mine, it works for us for the most part. I generally go along with maintaining equality amongst all 10 kids even though I don’t agree with it at times, like at Christmas when he thinks all the kids should get equal gifts and I think my kids should get more (side note I was a single mom before meeting him, I haven’t had communication with my kid’s bio dad in almost 10 years, I get no financial support and never have, not even sure if he’s alive to be honest, all they have is me) as his kids will get Christmas with their moms and then with us, mine won’t.
He says that’s not fair and not his kid’s fault, that we’re one family so whatever, I’ve let it go.
Now for the main, most recent problem. I have multiple very sizable life insurance policies on myself and as we recently got married, at open enrollment I was able to get a policy on him and we needed to fill out papers for it.
He noticed on the paperwork that for my policies, the beneficiaries are him and my three children, him getting 40% and my kids each getting 20%, and that for his policy I’m the sole beneficiary. He is upset saying that he should either get 100% of mine and he’ll disperse it amongst all the kids or that I lessen the amount my kids get and share it equally among all of them, to which I refused saying it’s their mom’s responsibility to leave them life insurance, not mine.
He followed up by wanting me to include his kids on his policy since mine are on mine and again, I refused, I’m paying for the policy and it’s a very small policy, and wouldn’t leave very much after a funeral is paid for anyways. He’s mad and thinks I’m the jerk.
Am I? Should I just add all the kids? I do want “one big happy blended family” but also, I’m all my kids have, and it’s my responsibility to take care of them. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – you’re one person and he’s one person. You got your side and he got his side.
You provide for yours and he provides for his. Since you don’t have kids together then that’s the most fair. Don’t let him gaslight you into thinking his side should get more simply because he has more kids, he’s just using excuses because his side will benefit more.
If he wants to be unreasonable then either ignore him or be unreasonable like him and demand his ex to start getting gifts for your kids to make them all get equal amounts of gifts and see how fast he changes.” Enviest0
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. But you two don’t seem to be on the same page in communication skills and perhaps a couples counseling session or two will help.
He sounds a bit insecure. You should have a big family Christmas and give your kids 1/2 their presents. When his kids have left for their mother’s Christmas, give your kids the other 1/2 of their presents. Help him find an insurance policy he can pay for and split with his kids.” SerenityPickles
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Oh man, hoping OP sees this as I’m still dealing with the fallout from my Dad’s death and his awful choice of a second wife, three years later. I just want to mourn in peace. Don’t give in to the husband, I already feel some type of way about him getting 40% when as far as I understand he doesn’t have your kids as a financial priority and it doesn’t seem like he’s thinking about helping them and looking after them if you were to pass first. He’s just concerned with what he and his kids will get.
Think of your kids, no one else will care for them like you do.” persistentthoughts
21. AITJ For Being Upset That My Mom Gave Away My Grandma's Sewing Supplies For Free?
“My(32f) grandma(83f) has been showing signs of dementia and is in poor health because of a recent fall and arm break. My Mom (61f) is in the process of getting moved out of her house and into a nursing home where she will have supervision and a better quality of life.
This means downsizing and selling a lot of her things. My grandma is an avid sewer and crafter and because I’m the only person in the family who enjoys sewing and appreciates her craft and skill in quilting I inherited all of her sewing stuff. I took all of the pieces that she had already started working on some good basic fabric that I can use to make a few quilts and also a bunch of tools that I can use like scissors, needles, thread, etc. The rest (and there’s a lot of it) I left for my mom to sell at a garage sale that will help pay for her nursing home and general expenses.
I offered to organize the fabric that I didn’t take into different categories so it could be more easily priced and sold. My mom said not to bother, that it would all get handled. Today was the first day of the garage sale.
My mom just texted me and said they’ve made over $1000 on the first day and they’re pretty happy with that.
I asked her if she sold any of the fabric yet and she told me that they were giving the fabric away to anyone who wanted it because “that’s what she would have wanted”. I feel completely and utterly betrayed by this. Not because I want the fabric, but because it feels like they aren’t valuing this huge lifetime passion that she had.
Giving it all away for free feels so incredibly disrespectful to both me and her that I am breathtakingly angry right now and told my mom as much. I don’t know if I can even be friendly to someone who disrespects the passion of a loved one and who so fundamentally doesn’t understand where I’m coming from.
Am I being a crazy jerk? I know that anger can be a part of the grief process and everyone grieves differently but this already feels like something that I will never forgive her for. Are there any quilters or crafters out there who understand what I mean? Am I just grieving and letting my emotions get the better of me or is this completely heartless behavior?
I feel completely powerless to stop any of this.”
Another User Comments:
“You’re the jerk. Are you mad that they gave away the fabric that people wanted instead of forcing others who have the same passion as you to pay for it? Because it’s disrespectful to your passion? This makes no sense whatsoever.
She is being charitable to your fellow sewing enthusiasts. Why are you upset?” anonimoose0567
Another User Comments:
“You’re the jerk – Your mom was one running the garage sale. She gets to make the call. The goal here is to get rid of stuff. If the fabric is still sitting there at the end of the garage sale, then it is probably going into the trash.
Giving it away is better. The giver and the receiver both get a little stroke of pleasure.” Irrasible
Another User Comments:
“Your mother is dealing with so much right now – having to watch her mother’s mental capacity deteriorate before her eyes, having to move her out of her home and into an assisted living facility, and all the sadness, guilt, and pain associated with that.
The last thing she needs is her 32-year-old daughter having a tantrum over fabric. If you valued the fabric so dearly, you should have taken it and disposed of it in the way you regard it as acceptable. I suggest that you support your mother and grandmother through this very difficult time of their lives rather than adding to their burden.” Holiday_Newspaper_29
20. AITJ For Expecting My Wealthy MIL To Contribute More Financially?
“My (35f) MIL (65F) decided back in 2020 to sell all her assets and show up at our front door for a temporary stay until she found some new living arrangements. This was not during any crisis but when things had started to normalize again. She was awful and slept on our couch for two years rent-free.
She was constantly in our space and drank to pass out excessively. She was throwing my mail away and talking about me under her breath. My husband(36M) never really stood up for me and it was going nowhere with any discussion of her leaving. There is a lot more backstory to this but to keep it short, my husband felt like he needed to take care of his mom.
He purchased a larger home with a higher interest rate to accommodate his mom so she could have her bedroom. We are not rich people. This move ends up costing us $52000 in just the mortgage alone from our previous mortgage of 15,500 per year. His mom contributes 1000 a month to rent now but we are struggling.
This is not sustainable for us in the long term and we are running through all savings and I feel like our relationship and life is falling apart.
Anytime I bring this up we argue. We fight. His mom has sold all her assets to 3 homes, regularly contributes to political candidates and churches, has all cleaning done for her by me, utilities, internet, everything is easy for her.
She won’t work and has been sitting on 400000 in an IRA and I have no idea about her funds or other investments. She just applied for SS this year and could have been getting widow’s benefits for years but hasn’t because she had plenty of money. My husband refuses to make a plan with her.
She pays 700 a month for the storage unit as well. She could have afforded her place but chose to place this burden on her son and yes he allows it! He gets mad at me for saying anything and threatens to leave me. He is all over the place and moody and blames me for all his problems. I just want my life back or things to be fair.
Is it okay to ask his mom to contribute a little more to help our family? We also have three kids and if she had just moved out we would have not had to move!”
Another User Comments:
“You need to start making exit plans, OP. See a lawyer; prepare a chronology of events – the timeline of what’s happened to get to this state in your relationship with your SO.
Your SO has already threatened to leave you – take that seriously and get your affairs in order, because as long as he allows his mother to run his life – and ruin yours – things will never improve. I would have suggested marriage counseling, except that this has been going on for *four years* and your SO has shown no sign that he supports or even cares about you.
You have three children to consider and that is why I said you need to see a lawyer. Separations/divorces are never totally uncomplicated, but they are very complicated when you have property and custody arrangements to make.” StarryNorth
Another User Comments:
“NTJ! Honestly I would talk to a lawyer.
He needs to choose. You have been INSANELY accommodating and they are both taking advantage of it. If you leave him now you can protect half of the assets. Only his half will be subject to her mooching. If you stay, she’s going to eat up your life savings.
People automatically just yell divorce. I am not one of those people. And I’m not saying you have to do that. But you should start researching it. And you need to set an ultimatum. You’ll be so much happier without all this stuff to deal with.” FindAriadne
Another User Comments:
“NTJ for expecting someone to contribute, but why are you still in this situation? This has been going on for FOUR years, and you’re still expecting a different outcome after your husband has put your family in a bad financial situation and threatened to leave you over his mom?
You can ask for money all you want from her, but it’s not happening. You have no leverage in this situation and your husband is not on your side. Aside from the fact this is a toxic situation, your husband seems to be enabling your MIL’s heavy drinking.
Get your kids and leave. File for divorce. If your husband wants to care for his mom, he can do it alone. Maybe then she’ll contribute.” screamqueen57
19. AITJ For Snapping At My In-Laws For Overstepping Boundaries With My Son?
“So I (30m) and my partner (27f) have a beautiful 20 month old son, and another on the way.
I have an issue with the behaviour of her father and sister.
I am the main provider to our family and have worked incredibly hard to earn a decent salary to support us.
We do a great job of raising our son, he’s very happy and has the most wonderful personality.
Due to my partner’s father living very close by, he comes over most days to watch our son while I work in my office.
I have found out that, behind my back, he and my partner’s sister (who lives 80 miles away) have discussed in their own group chat, organised and paid for a toddler group 2 days a week at a place round the corner from our house.
The issue with this is that I am immunocompromised due to treatment for a chronic condition, so I become extremely unwell when picking up the common cold etc. I have explained numerous times that, at the moment, I do not want him in classes every single day as it is not necessary and he is doing just fine developmentally.
(He still goes to other toddler classes every week a couple of days).
I have respectfully explained this situation many times to him. So yesterday, when he told me that they had enrolled and paid for 3 months of additional toddlers classes elsewhere, I snapped.
I said ‘How many times do I have to say this?
I am his father. Do you have an issue being able to respect the decisions I make for my son or do you just not respect me?’
He looked a bit taken a back. I immediately felt horrible. He’s extremely sensitive and I know he took it extremely personally.
I know they’re trying to help, but it feels like there’s a committee making decisions about my son that I’m not part of.
Again, I know they’re only trying to help, but this isn’t the first time they’ve made decisions about what they think is best. I’ve told my partner that our son is our son, and we as his parents make the decisions.
I have tried politely setting boundaries numerous times, it’s not working. I just want them to understand the decisions I make are for my son and the benefit of our family.
I’m tired of being the bad guy.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your son isn’t human to her father, he’s just a cute little trophy to show off to everyone who will look.
Find someone else to look after your son and make it absolutely clear that under no circumstances is anyone other than you or your partner to collect your son. No debates. Do not let them continue to push your boundaries and force their ideals on your family. Go LC if you need to and warn that NC is on the table if they still refuse to respect your paternal role.” Dragon_Queen_666
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. He steamrolled over your clearly laid boundaries and then looked fake-shocked when called out on doing so. He fully expected you to go along with the thing you explicitly told him not to do because now there’s money involved. NTJ for sticking to and enforcing your boundaries.” joe-h2o
18. AITJ For Not Paying For My Fiancé's Sisters' Hotel Rooms At Our Wedding?
“I (31F) am marrying my wonderful fiancé (30M) in Vegas next year. We are going more budget-friendly getting married at the little white chapel, and not having an actual reception/party afterward, we’re paying for everyone’s dinner at a nice buffet so there’s something for everyone. It’s just going to be a couple of friends and immediate family.
Our family lives all over the place so there isn’t a central location to have a wedding that’s “convenient” for everyone, and we’ve both talked about having a Vegas wedding since we met.
We did agree to pay for our parent’s hotel rooms so they are in the same hotel as us and where we’re having dinner after the wedding, they just have to pay for their plane tickets.
Kind of pricey, but my parents don’t have the funds to spend on the hotel, so we figured we’d be fair and pay for both sets of parents to be there.
After hearing we’re paying for the parent’s rooms my fiancé’s sister (F 23) is reaching out asking if we’re paying for her room as well since she doesn’t have the funds for it.
He explained that we’re only paying for the parents, but she can ask to share with their parents since there are two queen beds in their room. She wants to bring her significant other and his parents won’t allow her to share a room with them and him (their choice).
She said it’s unfair to only pay for some of the guest’s rooms and not others and if he wants her there he’ll pay for her and her significant other’s room. He explained it’s not in the wedding budget and she’ll have to come up with the funds for a room if she wants to come.
Now his other sisters are telling us that we should pay for her room if we want her to be there since my fiancé knows she’s bad with funds. He’s told them attending isn’t mandatory and while it would be nice if the whole family could attend, he understands if they can’t afford it since it’s a “destination wedding”.
He suggested the three of them share a room, but they all have significant others they want to bring so they don’t want to share rooms. Now all three sisters are saying they aren’t coming because we’re too good to pay for his little sister even though we’re paying for my parents to attend.
I feel like they’re just trying to guilt trip us into paying and it’s working because he feels guilty for only paying for some people’s rooms. I’m holding firm that we aren’t paying, but he thinks we might be in the wrong here.
AITJ for paying for the parent’s hotel rooms and not others?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ It is a destination wedding, and that always comes with people being unable to attend. His sisters feel so strongly about it, they can pay for her then. You’re under no obligation to pay for his little sister. After the threats not to attend I’d go with: “Thanks for letting us know you can’t attend, it’s too bad.
If you change your mind you are welcome to still come, but I understand if you can’t make it”” BulbasaurRanch
Another User Comments:
“NTJ It’s Vegas, they gotta have budget hotel options for cheap. If you pay for her hotel, then she’ll say you should pay for her plane tickets, then her food, then her drinks, and on and on.
You have a budget, and her room is not in the budget. Stand your ground. If your other two SILs have such a strong opinion that she can’t afford it, maybe they should all chip in to pay for her. And again, SHE could still go without her significant other and stay in her parent’s room, so if she doesn’t value seeing her brother get married enough to do that I don’t think you want her at the wedding anyway.
It sounds like she wants a free fancy vacation rather than to see you two get married. Stand. Your. Ground.” throwawayvh61
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and those sisters sound like brats. As soon as someone says, “It’s not in the budget,” the other person should quiet down and leave it.
Paying for your parents is lovely. Parents should be at their child’s wedding. Congratulations on the nuptials! I hope the sisters calm down and come to their senses. If not, I hope you and your fiancé stop engaging in the conversation. “Asked and answered,” is one of my favorite phrases for shutting down nonsense.” tawstwfg
17. AITJ For Refusing To Apologize After My Family Mocked My Food Portion?
“Last night, I (18F), cooked dinner for my younger brother (14M) and me. For the past 3 weeks, I’ve struggled with my appetite and have barely managed one meal a day. It’s been so bad that I’ve been called in for a last-minute hospital appointment to do some investigations. I won’t go into detail but it’s not a good sign.
I had barely eaten anything yesterday (2 pieces of toast and a bag of crisps). I cooked dinner and when serving it, my brother only wanted a small portion. I hate food waste so I put the rest in my bowl. I probably wasn’t going to eat all of it.
The moment I sat down, my mum looked at the bowl (it’s one of those stupid fancy bowls that are 2 cm deep so barely fit anything) and said “That’s a massive portion” and scoffed. I told her that it wasn’t it was just a shallow bowl.
She insisted the bowl was huge and there were loads in there. I said I had roughly the same portion as my brother who also scoffed and said “You don’t, that’s huge”. I said that the meat (it was bolognese) had all fallen to the bottom which was propping my spaghetti up to which my dad started laughing at me.
She kept saying how huge the portion was, so I left all my stuff and went to my room. As I left I heard my mum say “Just let her strop” and then “But look at it, it’s a humungous portion” and they all laughed.
I went to my room and over the next few hours, I didn’t receive any apology and had also left my phone so they knew they couldn’t text me.
It is now the next day. My dad is telling me to apologize to them for “storming off” and leaving my food. I won’t. I always end up apologizing for being upset with the things he or she says to me to keep the peace but for me, this was too far.
I can’t prove to you that the portion wasn’t “massive”, you’ll just have to take my word for it however even if it was, I don’t think that’s an excuse for what was said. I’m not overweight and I’m also struggling to eat. My mum should’ve been happy that I was eating.
I’m being called all kinds of names for not just apologizing and I’ve been told that she doesn’t want to speak to me until my doctor’s appointment in 3 days. AITJ for refusing to just get over it and apologize to keep the peace?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ You shouldn’t be made to keep the peace all the time.
Family is a give and take; one person can’t bend and bend until they break so the rest can stand up, and swim. If you have to address it, you could say it got under your skin. Don’t bother trying to argue about portion size, they’ve ganged up against you.
Just say that it bothered you and they kept harping on it.” BeMandalorTomad
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Who cares if it was a big portion or not? Some days, I feel like I’m starving so I eat a lot. On other days, I’m just not hungry. That’s normal. Your mom knows you’re having food-related medical issues and it was rude to make snide comments.
If you were my daughter and you had served yourself a larger portion than you normally eat, I would have asked if you were feeling a little better, gently, and said that whatever you didn’t finish could be boxed up as leftovers. You don’t owe anyone an apology for making snide comments about your food.” BoundPrincess84
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. They were all bullying jerks. This is one way people end up with eating disorders. You have nothing to apologize for you have feelings that are valid whether they like them or not. Luckily you are 18 so you can take steps to be completely independent from them anytime you want and start focusing on creating a healthy life, career, relationships, and future where you don’t have to deal with this treatment.” Antelope_31
16. AITJ For Getting An Officer To Retrieve My Rented PS5 From My Brother?
“I (24 F) mistakenly rented a PS5 from a website. I thought I was paying for it over a year and I’d get to keep it.
Turns out, I’d have to send it back at the end of the year. 45$/month.
Initially, I wanted to send it back, and I should have. My brother’s (25 M) fiancé (25 F) however had just lost her job, and with that the TV and PS5 they were paying on.
I was persuaded to give the rented PS5 to him by my mother and his fiancé. I told him he could keep it as long as he paid the rent for it every month on time and gave it back at the end of the rental period. He accepted. This started around Christmas last year.
Every month (besides one) he has been late on paying it. And when he did, he was borrowing it from our parents or somebody else. He doesn’t have a steady income (he isn’t good at holding down a job) so I kinda expected that… It came to a head today when I asked him for the rent money because I’m completely broke from having to pay the rent for him.
He said he doesn’t understand how my being broke is his fault, and thinks my asking for my money so I can get groceries is stupid. (I know 45$ can’t get me much, but it could at least get me something to get through.)
He said when he got the money, he’d let me know and to stop nagging him about it.
I told him I’d stop if he gave me the PlayStation back. He then responded by saying “You won’t period when I block your number.” I told him he’s been late with the payments, that it’s due on the 5th and it’s consistently late every time.
I never got a reply back via text.
After that exchange, I decided I had enough. I didn’t feel safe going over there by myself and I didn’t have any friends that could go with me, so I got an officer to ride with me over to his house to pick up the PS5.
He gave it back, but the entire time he was telling me he wasn’t in a good mood and that he never wanted anything to do with me again. My family was also perplexed as to why I had an officer over and kept asking me why I felt the need to have one present.
I felt numb during the whole thing, and I kept combing over the situation in my head. I feel like I did something wrong and that I overreacted. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I think you have been pushed by your brother for so long, that’s why you didn’t feel safe going alone.
He sounds very rude, and you were right to get help getting it back because I don’t believe he would have handed it over. NEVER loan out things you rent, because you are on the hook. You’re better off without that toxic person in your life, and don’t let anyone make you feel bad for having help.
If they had reined him in when he was young, he might be a nicer human. Stay strong” Less_Ordinary_8516
Another User Comments:
“ESH. Why are you renting playstations when you’re struggling to even afford groceries and rent? You and your brother need to get your heads on straight. Also, in fairness to your brother, his sounding like a jerk(which he is) doesn’t necessarily explain why you felt unsafe, and nothing in this post made it sound like he’s ever threatened you in any way.
But seriously, what a mess you’ve described.” deefop
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. But I am so, so confused about this PS5 situation. Do you somehow have a PS5 you own and one you rent? And you think you’re good with money? I didn’t even know you could rent PS5s lol, I’m not sure why you would if you can’t afford groceries and have a PS5 you own….
But hey, you say you’re good with money so I guess you’re good with money lol.” camelCaseCoffeeTable
15. AITJ For Not Fighting To Sit With My Best Friend At Her Mom's Funeral?
“So my best friend’s mother passed away a few days ago and we had the funeral yesterday. The moment my best friend called me, I was on the next flight out. My best friend’s mom was like my mom. I had a rough childhood growing up and both parents were never around.
However, my best friend’s mother’s side of the family disliked me. I honestly never knew the reason. They constantly told her I was just another mouth to feed and it broke me. However, she still always made sure I had enough in life. She went to all my big moments in life.
My best friend and I were an unstoppable duo. Even now we still are, at least that’s what I like to think. When I had made it to the house, I went inside and her family was surrounding her and she didn’t even look all the way there. The moment she saw me, she ran to me and hugged me.
We both cried and I helped her around the house, helping her pick out what she wanted her mom to wear. Her family had a lot to say to me about how there weren’t enough people to stay at the house and wanted me to get a hotel.
Since only the family wanted family there, my best friend wanted me there but she was looking after her brother’s kids since they were in the room with her.
So I ended up getting a hotel room. Which is okay. I understood and brushed it off. When we got to the funeral, the family sat in the front row. I was planning on sitting next to my best friend but there was a whole scene with her family and my best friend looked tired and so done.
So I decided to sit at the back since I didn’t want to cause any more disruption. Once the funeral was done, my best friend and I got into an argument. She told me I never cared about her mom and how I should have fought them back to sit next to her.
She told me I was a jerk and to not speak to her again, my heart was shattered by her words. I’m currently still at the hotel. I leave in a couple of days and I don’t want to leave with this big fight between us. What should I do?
Was I the jerk? She’s the only person I have left and I don’t want to leave things this way between us. Any advice is appreciated!”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ She is grieving and hopefully with a little time she will cool off and realize how moronic and hurtful she is being.
You were being respectful by not wanting to cause a scene at the funeral. Why should you have to fight HER family’s ignorance when you too were grieving? Give her space and time and if she still believes the horrible things she said down the road then she is not worth having in your life.” Laines_Ecossaises
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Getting into a fight with her family at the funeral would have been a bad idea. You did nothing wrong by taking a step back and not engaging with them. Try not to take her reaction personally. Your friend is grieving, hurting, and probably exhausted after planning a funeral and having to look after her brother’s children amidst it all.
I can also see her point of view that she may have felt that her only real support abandoned her at the funeral service. Grief makes people react in strange ways. She’s likely lashing out at you because it’s easier than fighting with her horrible family. Give it a day for her to cool down, then reach out to her in person.
Take her out somewhere and talk, remind her that you flew straight out to attend and support her, let her know your reasons for moving seats, and reminisce with her about how much her mother meant to you.” Pure-Philosopher-175
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and if you have time, I’d invite her out for an apology, just the two of you. Once you have a little space from her family, gently apologize and tell her how you were trying to not create more stress for her with her family fighting with you.
Ask her how she would like to be loved and supported, and if she asks you to fight her family and you’re comfortable doing it, do it. They sound draining and awful and may be taking advantage of the death of her mom to pull your friend in while she’s vulnerable. If she reacts with anger or is being unreasonable, still apologize, tell her you love her and loved her mom like she was your mom, and that you’ll be there for her when she’s ready.
Then take space for yourself. You’re also grieving. ” imyourkidnotyourmom
14. AITJ For Feeling Upset After My Partner Cancelled Our Secret Anniversary Trip For A Beach Trip With Friends?
“My partner and I are keeping our relationship a secret from everyone (our friends and family) because of homophobia reasons. Last year before we got into a relationship, we were both figuring out our feelings for each other which led to her ditching her friend group to spend time with me.
Fast forward to this year, I had planned out a trip since early March for us to go somewhere and spend our anniversary together (we were long-distance for college). By mid-late April her friends said that they wanted to do a beach trip which was week long and covered the day of our trip.
At first, she chose that she would do half of their beach trip and then come back for our trip but when we both came home from college she said she wanted to go with them for the full week and wouldn’t compromise to come home a day earlier to make our trip.
I do understand that she was trying to make things up to them but I took a lot of effort to plan this and was booked to go (I ended up just canceling it when she was on the trip).
Right before and at the beginning of her trip with her friends, I felt like reality hit me and I was so insanely upset because I couldn’t understand why she just didn’t do both.
She acted very cold on the entire trip and we barely texted the day of our anniversary. I was honestly just done with things and I was going to end things but when she came back she apologized and wanted time to prove that she was going to make it up.
The thing that was more tough on her was that the week after her trip she started her 9-5 job and she is having trouble balancing her friends, her family, and our relationship especially because no one knows about it. It’s just difficult for me because I feel like I always put her first and always put effort into us when she doesn’t put the same effort in.
I’ve told her the way I’m feeling and she said she needs time to show me. 3 weeks later, I thought she was gonna have something planned for our first anniversary tomorrow and she just asked me what we should do. I love her and I know she loves me I just feel like she can be very independent with her actions and I want to work through it I just don’t know if I’m being too much.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It’s completely understandable for you to feel upset about your anniversary trip being canceled, especially after you put so much effort into planning it. While it’s great that your partner wants to make amends and prioritize your relationship, it’s equally important for you to communicate your needs and expectations clearly.” precious_george2
Another User Comments:
“NTJ….that was incredibly rude of her to change plans and cancel on your trip when it was already booked….I would personally end things and find someone who makes you as much a priority as you make her….she doesn’t seem invested in this relationship….find someone who will give you what you give them….a relationship should be 50:50 in effort….it sounds like you are the only one putting any effort in….also she is keeping you a secret from her friends and family, that is a huge red flag right there” Afraid-Leg3311
Another User Comments:
“I’m not certain if reality HAS hit you yet. You are essentially her ‘side piece,’ a convenient secret for when her friends aren’t around. If you complain, ‘Give her another chance, she’ll do better/prove her love.’ and she strings you along some more. She can’t reveal your relationship because ‘HoMoPhObEs.’ – A valid worry, but she CHOOSES to hang around with said homophobes.
She could cut them loose, or come out, but either way, your relationship is not high on her list of priorities. She can cut you loose at any time because nobody knew about you in the first place. You may be her LITERAL side piece. Her behavior is classic abusive, and so long as you put up with it, it will continue.
NTJ, you know you deserve better.” DryPoetry6
13. AITJ For Refusing To Work A Double Shift At Lower Pay?
“I’ve been working at this very popular brunch restaurant for over a year and have been unproblematic; showing up on time, never calling out, and always working the busiest areas because I am fast and reliable. Recently, this restaurant opened at night.
This place is known for its breakfast, so the nights have been dead (making $30-$40 per shift). I have been scheduled during the week to work nights because the owner is overstaffed and he trusts me to work the bar at night. Since the servers and I have not been making as much money as we would in the morning, the owner agreed to pay us $15/ hr in “tip-make up”.
However, these are 5 hr shifts so I’m not even making $100 a day.
Yesterday, a co-worker and I switched shifts because she had an appointment in the morning. The shift went well. However, more than halfway through my shift the manager (who is 17 years old) asked me if I could work a double (the shift would be 7:30 am -8 pm).
FYI no one called out, the owner just understaffed the holiday. I initially agreed. She went to tell the owner that I agreed and 30 seconds later I asked the manager if I would be making $15 for the evening part of the shift or just whatever I make in tips. She told me that I would only get what I make in tips because I made so much in the morning (over $15/ hr) I told her that I changed my mind because I would not work for $6 per hour (the hourly wage as a server) she went to tell the owner.
After my shift ended the owner pulled me aside and told me to stop manipulating the schedule and that I am a “money-hungry” “selfish” and “tacky person”. He continued to tell me that “he views me through this lens now. He then asked me if it was my or (co-workers) idea to switch shifts.
I told him it was co-workers’ idea and he replied, “I’ll give you that then.” The owner then proceeded to say that because I told him two dates where I couldn’t work nights I am telling him this, so he can only schedule me in the mornings. I replied saying that wasn’t the case and that I had prior commitments.
The owner said he doesn’t care and that’s how he’s viewing me. To top it off, the manager then proceeded to ignore me and not talk to me even though we’d been always friendly.
So, AITJ? Open to questions and feedback.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and if I were you I would look to find another job in the industry that will treat you well.
Service is understaffed everywhere and you should always prioritize yourself and your financial well-being over a company that sees you as replaceable. Stand your ground, the fact that they trust you to be competent means that they’re trying to squeeze you of everything you have until you won’t have anything left to give.
The name-calling alone is the biggest sign of this.” Bellajust
Another User Comments:
“I worked in the restaurant industry for 12 years. It never got better. I would recommend looking for something in sales. The money is better, the benefits are better, the hours are better. The stress level is comparable.” justanotherreader85
12. AITJ For Sleeping In The Same Room As A Guy With A Partner During A Trip?
“I (19F) went to Costa Rica. I went by myself and I was staying with a host family. There was another guy who was also staying in the house with me, Ashton (18M). At times, Ashton and I were the only English speakers in the house. We pretty much spent every day together, had meals together, went to the beach together, etc. As a social person, I need friends and human interaction to be able to function.
Ashton had a partner, and sometimes I felt confused because I didn’t want to overstep in his relationship but we were in a unique scenario where we were kind of forced to spend a lot of time together. During the beginning of the trip, I had a horrible time sleeping.
It was so hot at night, and even with fans blowing on me and no covers, I could not sleep. Ashton was sleeping in the only air-conditioned room in the house, and he had a bunk bed in his room. So one night I asked him if I could sleep in the top bunk in his room.
I said if he felt weird about that he could say no and it’s no big deal. He said yes and so I spent a few nights in his room. Nothing fishy went on: we didn’t stay up late talking, or change in front of each other; I had no ulterior motives.
But, I started to feel kind of weird because the family could see us getting out of the same room in the morning and some of them knew he had a partner that’s kind of suspicious and so I decided to just suck it up and sleep in my room.
But he did say anytime I wanted to sleep in his room I could.
Later on in the trip, I found out that Ashton was convinced that I liked him and he told his partner this. He told me that he lied to his partner about me sleeping in his room.
Then I felt bad. I didn’t want him to lie. But also, it’s his job to set boundaries for his relationship, not mine. But, if I’m being honest if I had a partner I wouldn’t love the idea of him sleeping in a room with another girl, especially one I know nothing about.
A few of my friends thought that it was my bad to have slept in his room. So AITJ? (I know this happened last year I’m just curious about what y’all will think). ”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It’s not like you were in the same bed; it was a bunk bed. The host family knows that there’s a bunk bed in there, and it’d be wild of them to assume that just because you two are in that room there’s funny business going on.
It’s hot and “his” room was the only one available with AC. You shouldn’t have had to suffer just for fear that your partner may think something was going on. Ashton could have offered to take the non-air-conditioned room if his partner was so displeased about you two sharing a room.
As for Ashton assuming you were into him at all when you weren’t…. that’s not on you at all.” fallingintopolkadots
Another User Comments:
“NTJ he never lied to you telling you he didn’t have a partner. You both got along as friends. He had an open bed in a better room than yours.
Neither of you had any motives other than sleeping. He should not have lied to his partner but that’s his problem, not yours. I am tired of people feeling like interacting with the gender you are attracted to is something you need to be careful of if you are in a relationship.
If neither person does anything to violate the relationship then nothing was done to violate the relationship Gender of the people involved should not matter. Sadly, his partner made him feel like he had to lie to her. (To be clear I’m not blaming her he still lied) If his guy friend switched rooms for the AC his partner would not care but because his friend happens to be a woman it’s a problem.” Dance_Problem333
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, as his relationship wasn’t your responsibility and you didn’t intend on doing anything anyway. It also looks like he’s misread things and probably agreed to share his room on that assumption/hope that you didn’t have entirely innocent intentions. The slight caveat is, even with you saying it wouldn’t be a big deal for him to refuse, it’s difficult for him to say no when he’s a guest anyway.
You’re not a jerk, but you didn’t give him a free choice.” FewAnybody2739
11. AITJ For Not Making My Attention-Seeking Sister My Maid Of Honour?
“I (26F) just got engaged to my long-time partner (27M). We got engaged on a holiday in Europe – super romantic. I called my sister (23F) a couple of hours later to tell her the exciting news.
She did not say “congratulations” but simply “I knew you’d get married before me” in the most monotone voice possible. My sister has always undermined any achievement or happy news of mine since we were young, so this reaction didn’t surprise me. My fiancé thinks that she is probably upset because our engagement is not about her and she loves attention.
This was about two months ago and since then my fiancé and I are starting to make wedding plans. I decided to make my best friend (25F) my maid of honor because, although we have only been friends for 18 months, we have been by each others’ sides through some horrible incidences at work as well as personal life.
My best friend was also incredibly happy about our engagement news, which was the complete opposite reaction from my sister.
I told my parents that I was making my best friend my maid of honor and they were not too pleased that I chose “someone I’ve known for a year over someone I’ve known my whole life (my sister)”.
I have explained that not only has my friend been by my side through some tough situations (my parents are aware of this), but she was/is happy for me whereas my sister was not. My dad is ok with this, but my step-mom thinks I am very selfish that I have not chosen my sister to be maid of honor.
My sister found out a couple of days later (stepmom told her even though I asked her not to – I wanted to tell my sister myself) and she is livid. She also thinks I am incredibly selfish and how could I possibly do this to her?! She called me horrible and started crying saying she would never do this to me.
I find this typical of my sister and manipulating because she always does this (cries and blames) whenever something doesn’t go her way.
Also important – my sister currently lives on the other side of the country. She has told me she will fly home for the wedding but will not be here for other parts of the wedding including dress shopping and the bachelorette party.
Am I the jerk for not making my sister my maid of honor?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your wedding, your choice. Your sister is acting like an entitled jerk, and it sounds like your whole family is very used to that. It’s not her day, it’s yours. You get to choose who stands up for you.
The logistics are just the icing on the cake–of course, she wouldn’t be doing MoH things. Why would you give up those things? Let her cry. Maybe assign a close friend (or close friend among your family) to handle her during the wedding & reception so that she doesn’t cause problems. Good luck.” Tangerine_Bouquet
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Traditional parents often expect that siblings will take priority in the wedding party but that tradition is just about dead. Your wedding party should be people who love and respect you and have supported you. Your sister seems to hit none of those categories. The maid of honor also has added responsibilities and can’t be a role someone who doesn’t live there and won’t be traveling back for anything except the wedding can fill.” Weird-Jellyfish-5053
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your sister’s comment is bizarre considering you’re older than her so it would not be a surprise that you get married before her. Plus, as she’s not living nearby or able to make the trip back for anything but the wedding, it wouldn’t make sense for her to be the MOH.
Is she by any chance your half-sister (I.e. step-mom’s bio kid)? It would make sense as to why both your stepmom and sister are creating needless drama. Either way, you’re about to get married and it’s your responsibility to protect your new family from these drama queens.
Start setting very clear boundaries around behavior and expectations now or it’ll only get worse.” Pleasant-Koala147
10. AITJ For Standing Up To My Godfather Who Is Financially Helping Me Start A Business?
“My godfather (70M) decided to help me (30F) open a business. He’s always been a rude guy, thinks he’s the smartest person in the room, and loves telling people what to do.
If anyone disagrees with him, he immediately thinks they’re stupid and says so.
But he does have good qualities. He tries to help family members, especially financially, since he has a lot of resources.
When he offered to help me start a business, I knew it could be tough dealing with him, but I needed the help.
I asked if he wanted any part of the business or to be partners, and he said, “I don’t want any part of this. I don’t even have the time since I have my own very successful business. This will be your business and your responsibility. I will just give you the resources and guide you and you will pay me back.”
During our meetings, he’d say stuff like, “Do you even have a brain?” or “Do you even have an education?” I decided to let him be rude without reacting because I was grateful. I’d just take a deep breath and not say anything.
This went on for about three months until he crossed the line by making decisions that weren’t up to him.
He decided on a TERRIBLE logo and name for the business on his own without even consulting me. For context, I’m a graphic designer, and he’s a physicist. Plus, he’s just lending me the resources for MY business, so why would he get to choose these things?
I felt like he was taking more and more control because I wasn’t standing up for myself. He even wanted the business bank account to be under BOTH our names and got mad when I said it should just be under only my name for convenience.
In the last two meetings, I started standing up for myself.
Here are some examples: He said, “Since you’re a girl, you only care about aesthetics.” I replied, “That’s not true. I’ve shown you all the research that went into the functional part of the business.” He got angry.
He asked, “Who is your target audience?” I started to answer, and he interrupted with, “I’m NOT ASKING YOU!!!” I said, “You just asked me.” He got angry.
You get the idea. Now I’m standing up for myself and not letting him call me stupid or cross boundaries. I feel better, but at night I wonder if I’m being the jerk for talking back and making him angry when he’s helping me financially. He helped without being asked, and I appreciate it, but I don’t know if it’s out of kindness or his need for control.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ…tell him flat out that you are very grateful for lending you the resources. However, I was under the impression due to what he told you that he didn’t want any part of this other than some guidance. Instead, he is trying to take control and demean you in the process.
Let him know that your boundaries can’t be bought.” Sugarlessmama
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You offered him part ownership of the business and he declined. Instead, he gave you a loan, and your only obligation is to pay it back as per the terms you agreed on. That’s it.
If he was a part owner, he would have a say in the business decisions (although his rudeness would still be wrong), but again, *you offered him that chance and he specifically declined.* I don’t even think he should be allowed to attend your meetings, let alone have any say in the running of the business.
EDIT: OP mentioned in a response to a different comment that their uncle did *not* give her a loan. Instead, he has the resources and whenever the business needs something, OP has to have a meeting with him to explain what and why before he releases the resources to her!
Seriously. What was she thinking? So of course she’s still NTJ, but my and 99% of other people’s advice to just cut him out of the running of the business is not gonna fly. She’s completely beholden to this controlling jerk, who could torpedo the business at any time on the merest whim.” CoverCharacter8179
Another User Comments:
“You are the proprietor. He wants nothing to do with the business. Lock him out. Be as cordial as you can. Thank him profusely. He may do nice things but this is so he can have control over others. It is like someone giving you a Visa gift card for your birthday but telling you it is so you can buy a new pair of shoes then being upset when you used it for something else.
You need to remind this man that he gave you resources for the business and you’ll get a logo that you want and not what he thinks you should have. You are not a jerk, but you need to buck up and tell him how the cow ate the cabbage.
” ICXPDQ
9. AITJ For Not Wanting To Share My Full Life With My Younger Cousin?
“I have many cousins on my mother’s side; however, I am the closest to four cousins on my mother’s side of the family.
My cousins’ mother, my aunt, and my mom are sisters, and they have been close forever, so naturally, our families are very close. When I was in college, I would spend holidays and breaks with my aunt, uncle, and cousins because my college was closer to their home.
Despite the age differences, my cousins and I have always been close.
We share a special bond. We know each other very well. We share inside jokes, and we enjoy spending time together. We have been there for each other through good times and bad times. I have seen them grow up. They’re my cousins but I look at them as siblings/best friends.
They are my ‘posse’.
My (19M) cousin finished his freshman year. He loves his school. I visited him at school and he was excited to show me around the school. I also met his friends and roommate. We talk very often. He tells me all about his college life.
Recently, we were talking about relationships in college, and the topic of intimacy came up.
My cousin told me everything about his love life including the number of girls he connected with, the events surrounding the encounters, etc. Some of it was toxic but I tried to provide advice when needed without being judgmental. I told my cousin to be safe and to be mindful.
I also told him that intimacy is a serious thing and it’s not wise to use girls for that. My cousin asked me about my love life in college. I kept it respectful but told him that I made some mistakes but I learned from it. It was getting late, so I told my cousin that we’ll talk later.
I love my cousin and I want him to make the right choices. We have a very deep and close bond, but I am not sure how to navigate this. Though I didn’t ask for him to disclose this information, I am glad he feels comfortable confiding in me about these things.
On the other hand, I feel weird talking to him about my college relationship/intimacy life. This is my little cousin. He always tells me everything but this is new to me.
My cousin looks up to me and I want to make sure I choose my words carefully but still be transparent with him.
WIBTJ if I didn’t disclose my full relationship/intimacy life history to my cousin?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. At all. No one is a jerk here. The only person who *might* be entitled to those kinds of details is your partner, and even then, I think most people would agree that they aren’t entitled to all of the details, especially if it is distant history or doesn’t affect them in any way or put them at risk.
It’s good that he’s able to talk to you, and it sounds like you gave good advice without being too judgy. Keeping that line of communication open is great since he might feel more comfortable coming to you if he gets himself into trouble. But that doesn’t mean he needs details about your love life that you aren’t comfortable disclosing.” Dr_Neuron_77
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here it’s not weird, being the little cousin sometimes it takes the elder saying “Aht slow your roll.” We can have real conversations without you giving too much, especially since bro looks up to you already anything you say will be taken deeply regardless.
Be real about your experience but also your need for privacy about the nitty gritty details of things & it’ll be fine. A family love like that would win over the awkwardness every time.” WynnieBbyy
8. AITJ For Giving A Socially Awkward Classmate A Ride Without Asking My Friends First?
“My friends and I (all 18F) are on a grad trip with our entire HS senior class for the weekend, there are around 100 of us in total. One guy (let’s call him Matt, 18M) in our class is also on the trip, and he’s always been kinda socially awkward – he doesn’t have friends at school and is pretty much an outsider.
I can see why to a certain extent, he’s not malicious but he’s very gauche with bad manners which is understandably off-putting, our class is usually very welcoming and everyone has friends except him, but I’ve always been nice and inclusive towards him. To clarify, I’m not saying that he deserves to be socially ostracised as I’ve experienced it myself in middle school, but not having clean habits and generally being gauche is on him, to be fair.
The other day, 5 of my friends and I went out for dinner, and Matt was sitting across from us alone. I asked him if he’d like to sit with us, and though he declined he did come and eat some of our food (after asking). The thing is, my friends don’t know him, and they felt visibly awkward – but in his defense we’ve all been in the same school for the past 4 years, so it’s not like he was a total stranger either.
When we were leaving, I asked if he had a ride back to our hotel, to which he said ‘No, I was kinda expecting that you would take me back since we’re staying at the same place’. I didn’t ask them beforehand whether we could take Matt home with us because it was a spur-of-the-moment thing and I didn’t want Matt to be left alone without any transport back.
Still, what he said was bizarre to me because we’re at a resort town, not our home city – why wouldn’t anyone plan a route home from a place they’ve never been to for safety’s sake?
On the way back, none of the other girls were talking to Matt and were texting my friend sitting next to me up front as a liaison, because they didn’t want to talk to him directly for whatever reason, which I felt was mean.
When we got home and he left the cab, they said to me that they didn’t want to take someone back at random without consulting them first, especially someone they barely interacted with. Which I reminded them that it was a spontaneous decision and it would be far better than leaving our classmates alone in a new place, regardless of whether they liked Matt or not – I didn’t have time to consult them anyway.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You’re a very kind and thoughtful/ generous person. I understand not wanting to leave him all alone in a place he’s not familiar with as anything could happen to him and you wouldn’t want to be at fault. Instead of the girls complaining about not knowing him, during that whole car ride they could’ve got to know him rather than being on their phones texting.
You did the right thing.” Strange-Put-6234
Another User Comments:
“NTJ it’s your car, you were being kind. Unless he did something to truly offend or make them feel unsafe they don’t get a say and should be kind as well. I’d highly recommend finding new friends, these don’t seem like nice people.” AnimatronicHeffalump
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If it was a stranger then your friends would have a point, and he did seem a little entitled if he did say “I was expecting” and not something like “I was hoping you could”. But he’s just a dude you all know, even if he’s kind of annoying it’s not like there’s any likely danger, so you did the right thing.” Its_Big_Fungus
7. AITJ For Waking Up My Dad To Pick Up My Younger Brother Because I'm Tired Of Being The Primary Caregiver?
“I (20yr F) have three siblings, the youngest (13yr M) I have taken on my responsibility to take care of him. For example, I make him eat and to my other brother (18yr M), to the oldest, it is just yelling that he is done but to the youngest, I repeat, thirteen years old, it is to make sure that he serves everything, eats vegetables and washes his plate, in addition to reminding him several times of his homework, exercise, etc.
Now today, Friday after a super exciting week at the university, I just wanted to relax and watch my favorite series, which I fell asleep watching. I woke up to a message from the mother of a friend of my little brother that the school activity was canceled and if we are going to go get him because it is already late.
I asked my brother (18yr M) to let him know what had happened and his response was, “no, he is asleep.” I got angry because it is not the first time that I asked him to help me with something about our brother and he said no.
So I had to go wake him up (it was 2 pm and my dad had not been able to sleep because he had an activity).
I also add that I was tired of always being left with that responsibility and that my little brother had not done his homework. The day before, even though I reminded him several times and his mother offered to pick him up, we could pick him up in a square that is very close to our house.
I understand that he is my brother and that I can take care of him from time to time but God I swear that he is a bigot and my parents never correct him. I have tried to change that attitude towards myself and other people, but I repeat, I am already married to being the one to take care of those things, I can’t do it anymore.
I’m crying as I write this because sometimes I feel like it’s more my son than theirs (my mom and dad).
For those who have doubts, my mom was out of town but her phone does work and she could fix it, but it doesn’t make much difference because even when she’s here I’m the one who does it.
Am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Sounds like your parents started prenotifying you while you were still a kid. You didn’t choose to have a kid, so you shouldn’t be shouldering the majority of the responsibility for raising him. If your parents were asking you to manage occasional pick-ups and drop-offs or meals once in a while, those would be reasonable asks.
But giving you responsibility for his day-to-day maintenance and supervision is completely unfair. If a person has a kid and chooses to not give them up, they will have primary responsibility until that kid grows up unless another adult agrees to step in.” KaliTheBlaze
Another User Comments:
“NTJ one bit.
“I repeat, thirteen years old, it is to make sure that he serves everything, eats vegetables, and washes his plate, in addition to reminding him several times of his homework, exercise, etc.” You’ve been parentified. Not ok. It’s on your Dad to be the parent, not you. They’ve both evaded responsibility & your brother is a jerk as a result.
“I also added that I was tired of always being left with that responsibility and that my little brother had not done his homework.” Your Mom & Dad should stop pulling this B S & listen right up. You have a right to live your life for you & enjoy your college years.
Not to be under such strain you’re reduced to tears. If at all possible please seriously consider moving out. Get support from extended family & friends if you can.” Apart-Ad-6518
6. AITJ For Making A Sandwich Instead Of Eating The Dinner My Stepdad Prepared?
“I (15f) am plus-sized. It runs in our family as well as diabetes.
I got bullied in school relentlessly to the point I am now homeschooled, having panic attacks if I even pass by the school. The memories are too much for me. Due to the bullying, I have a rocky relationship with food, I don’t eat anything other than dinner (because I’m forced to), and I won’t eat at a friend’s house or in public period.
Tonight I decided that I didn’t want to eat the dinner that was prepared by my stepdad (54m) as it was just too much for me and I knew I wouldn’t eat most of it. (I didn’t want to go another night getting yelled at for not eating all the food that he plated for me.) Instead, I made a sandwich, something I was more comfortable eating than the pork, peas, and pasta salad.
I planned on cutting the sandwich in half and saving the other half for something else. When I finished preparing it I was about to grab a knife to cut it.
A little background on my stepdad, he’s a recovering heavy drinker and has been emotionally and mentally abusive towards me since he started seeing my mom (50f).
My mother is a narcissist. So, whenever I’m doing something in the kitchen with food (due to the times he’s harassed me for “eating too much” when I haven’t even put anything more than a small scoop of mashed potatoes on a plate) I freeze if I hear footsteps.
He walked in and looked me up and down from where I was frozen in place, he looked disgusted. “You don’t think that’s a little much?” He eyed the sandwich I had made (two slices of ham, cheese, and salami).
“Maybe…) I was scared so I muttered it, and he got angrier.
“Why did you make this? I made dinner!” He was red in the face, he looked like he was trying not to yell at me.
“I didn’t want it…” I didn’t look at him in the eyes, I was shaking, afraid.
“I want you to take half of that off and put it away, you don’t need to eat all of that, it’s a waste of good food!” Then he stormed out, going upstairs to complain to my mother (who works from home) about how horrible and ungrateful I am or whatever.
This put me off eating at all so I bagged the sandwich and put it in the fridge then went to my room. Now I’m starting to think I should have just eaten what he made because I feel like I hurt his feelings. Am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“This is far beyond our pay grade. Please seek help from both a therapist for your panic attacks and food issues as well as a nutritionist to help you set out a balanced eating plan. Eating once a day, and just a few bites at that isn’t good for you.
I’ve had a difficult relationship with food, so I know how difficult a struggle it can be, but honey, at your young age, you need good nutrition, and I’m concerned that you’re not getting it. Please speak to your doctor ASAP to get a referral to a nutritionist.” darkling-dawns
Another User Comments:
“Girl, NTJ and a half! You deserve a victory dance with a giant hero sandwich in hand (or maybe two half-sized ones, whatever feels right!). Sounds like your stepdad’s portion patrol is a little intense, and making a sandwich you could stomach was a power move for your well-being. Nobody should be forced to eat pasta salad when they’re already battling a food monster.
Plus, think of it this way: you saved him some dishes! Win-win! Now, how about this? Maybe talk to your mom when things are calm. Explain your food anxieties and see if you guys can work out a system where you can both be happy – you with a healthy, non-traumatizing meal, and your stepdad (hopefully) with less yelling and more high fives.
Here’s to conquering bullies, bad food vibes, and overly enthusiastic portion police!” Ok_One501
5. AITJ For Not Letting My Stepdaughter Spend Her Savings On Roblox In-Game Items?
“I (m46) and my fiancée (f41) live with my son (18m) and stepdaughter (13f) in the UK.
Both of our kids are a bit spoiled and get pretty much everything they want for birthdays etc. As a result, my stepdaughter has managed to save up £200 since Christmas – not because she’s not buying things she wants, but because she didn’t want anything. She got very into reading, and we just bought her the books she wanted because we think it’s a great thing to encourage.
She likes Roblox and has been trying to explain to us that there’s an offer right now for £200 (approx $250) that would get her 22,500 Robux (the in-game currency) rather than the normal amount of 20,000. This would also get her some special golden headphones (in the game, not in real life), and she would be able to buy this (apparently) super prestigious outfit called the Korblox Deathspeaker.
It’s a way of showing off how much money you have in the game. But she only wants the leg – the outfit has one tiny leg which other people would be impressed with, so we’ve been told. I saw a post saying “Korblox is a toothpick for rich people to have on their leg.”
We’re stuck on what to do with this. On the one hand, it’s her money, she saved it up, and if she spends it on this then she won’t have any money left. And maybe she should have the autonomy to do that if she wants.
But on the other hand, her pocket money would come in, so it’s not like I think she would feel any kind of impact from it.
And it’s £200 for a tiny leg. I can’t even type this without feeling so ridiculously embarrassed to ask the question. Some families live on less than a week. How can we talk about the value of money and approve of something like this? My fiancée and I are aligned on this.
So, would we be the jerks if we told her she can’t buy this thing?”
Another User Comments:
“This right here shows just how predatory that game is. A 13-year-old asking to spend 250 bucks on some cosmetic items in a game for kids. I dislike the whole let her learn her lesson mentality, you don’t need to hurt your children to teach them a message.
A proper explanation of why this is bad should be enough. If you feel bad let her do it but make it known that no more money will be spent on this game, this is “it”.” Jashuawashua
Another User Comments:
“Have you as a parent researched Roblox? It has a horrendous reputation, firstly for using manipulative and addiction-forming methods to extract money in huge sums from kids (case in point) but also as a breeding ground for unsavory people looking for easy access to kids.
You wouldn’t be a jerk if you prevented the purchase, but seriously look into this more deeply and maybe make sure she’s being safe in a more general sense. This game is grim.” Comfortable-Gold-982
Another User Comments:
“You wouldn’t be a jerk. You’re the parent, your decision. However. I parent differently.
I let my kids do dumb stuff with their own money. I feel they need to learn how to budget and the consequences of dumb decisions. I’d rather her learn these lessons at 13 than at 25. Once they hit 7th grade, my kids had to come up with a budget for all their clothes for the year and follow it.
They had to make a spreadsheet justifying it. We decided on $500 twice a year. We now buy them zero clothes (including uniforms, and sports apparel…). It’s on them. They did what they wanted with the money. They could buy no clothes and spend $500 on candy. Fine. Don’t ask me for new soccer cleats.
It’s amazing how much they learned from that. Two are in college and I feel they are truly responsible with their money. The earlier they learn and are allowed to fail, the faster it sticks.” SWC8181
4. AITJ For Wanting To Get Rid Of Our Dad's Broken Car That My Brother Insists On Keeping?
“My sister and I (19f) are twins.
We have an older brother (37).
You probably notice the age difference. My brother is a very stereotypical only child who has always got his way and our family has enabled his bad behavior his entire life. No matter the inconvenience something may be for others, he has to have his way or he pouts and throws adult tantrums. (Ex: Mom passed away last year.
My Sister and I arranged the funeral, but he didn’t come to help until we told him we were going with a less expensive casket. It was still nice, but it worked better for our budget. He cried about it until we got her a nicer one that put us back a few thousand.
No, he didn’t make up the difference).
Our dad passed away two months after our birth. He was repairing his first vehicle with my brother before his death. Now that car has sat in the garage for 20ish years. It’s a two-car garage, but the lawn mower and snowblower take up one part, while the broken car takes up another.
My brother has insisted this entire time he’ll fix it. Our mom wanted to get rid of it. He threw a fit, so she kept it. After Mom passed away, my sister wanted to get rid of it so one of us could finally park our cars in the garage.
Brother said he’d try to find someone to work on it. Nothing ever came of that.
I’m leaving for college and my sister had been pressured by my brother to stay living at the house. We had chosen to sell our portion, as we didn’t want to stay living there, but our brother refused to sell his portion.
He was threatening to divorce his wife if she didn’t move into the house with him, so my sister ended up staying so that wouldn’t happen (again, everyone enables him). I wanted to at least get rid of the car before leaving, and my friend offered to haul it for free.
I no longer talk to my brother, but for this, I let him know and told him it was unlikely the car is repairable, it’s taking a spot for my sister’s car, and I’ll give him 60 days to find a place to store it or else it’s gone.
He flipped out on me, but also got my sister involved. Due to his constant whiny and texting, she is now telling me I should have just shut my mouth and let the car stay because he’s going to keep pouting at her.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – what you and your sister need to do is get a lawyer and a real estate agent and force the sale of the home. Just because he owns 50% of it doesn’t mean that you can’t override him. He’s going to go ballistic but he needs to learn to stop calling the WAHmbulance (it goes Waah Waah Wah as it goes down the street) whenever he doesn’t get his way.
You and your sister have a life as well and this is a great opportunity to take a stand. All the best, OP” slap-a-frap
Another User Comments:
“NTJ in any way. You gave a warning. 1) You and your sister want to sell, but he doesn’t. Get a lawyer and force the issue.
Can either sell to a 3rd party or he can be forced to buy you two out based on an appraised value. 2) Since he doesn’t want to do anything with the car, on day 61, have it towed. Once both are done, block and move on. He is not much for the family.” User
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but why do y’all keep falling for his manipulation? It doesn’t even sound like y’all are close so stop dealing with him. Who inherited what when your mom passed? Was or is there a lawyer administering the estate? If this is in the States and there is an actual will, wouldn’t the probate courts be involved?
If there is no will they should be involved. Your brother has been enabled his whole life but everyone around him is just as bad for enabling him. ” Winter_Raisin_591
3. AITJ For Leaving My Niece's Birthday Party After Being Ignored By The Hosts?
“I need a reality check
So the following happened last weekend and I want to know if I am the jerk.
It was my niece’s birthday (upper single digit) and we (wife, younger son, and I) arrived half an hour after the beginning, which was communicated and no problem. After letting my wife and son out of the car I went to fetch our older son (the same age as my niece) from his sports activity.
We arrive there approx 20min after letting my wife out.
The oldest jumped right into the kids’ party and I went to the table where every adult was sitting. I realize there is no plate set for me, weird. So I went past the table into the kitchen looking if they had them there buffet style.
Nope, none. Since my wife realized I had no plate she gave me her used one, while full on display in front of SIL and her husband (the hosts). I mean, I have no qualms about using my wife’s plate or using her fork, but this somehow triggered me a little.
I resolved myself to finger food that was still on the table since dinner would be 2 hours later.
10 minutes after I arrived they cleared the table, including the cakes, plates, and finger food. Nice. No more food for me I guess. 30 minutes later some in-laws of the hosts arrived. They immediately get asked what they want for a drink and get a new set of plates and the cakes are brought back for them.
By this point, I had neither food nor a drink nor anything.
So I just got up kissed my wife said goodbye to her and went home to make me some food. I went over 4 hours later to get the youngest since he was tired and told my wife on arriving there, that I was upset at the difference in hospitality and what she had to say about it.
She said I could have spoken up, my stance is, that if I am a guest I don’t beg to get food or something to drink since everyone else gets the same without asking. I was sitting next to SIL, so no excuse.
So AITJ for just leaving or justified. I know my SIL and her husband are terrible hosts but this took the cake so far, and it’s not the first time some ended at the short end of the stick.
Last BBQ they had not enough meat for all people for example.”
Another User Comments:
“I will allow there may be cultural differences. But if in the US then YTJ. This is a family event and it was in a family member’s house. If you want a plate then you just open up the cupboard and find one.
Ask someone if you can’t find where they are kept. Then when foods are getting cleared and you aren’t done you say “Hey let me grab some of that” and then get what you want so they can clear the rest. If you are sitting right there and let the food get taken away, then the general thought would be that you didn’t want it.
Yes, they maybe could have asked if you wanted to grab something, but if you were just eating finger food then it could appear to them that you are just snacking since it is in front of you and that you don’t care.” NeptunianCat
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here.
In my family the closer you are the worse you would be treated, in a sense. What I mean is that a close family member who is liked would be expected to sort themselves out, only a person we were not comfortable around would be served, etc. So without knowing your family dynamics, it’s very hard to judge.
Unless you have a history of them mistreating/disliking you, you probably overreacted.” whynousernamelef
2. AITJ For Not Inviting My Mom's Friend's Daughter To My Birthday Party?
“My mother is very overbearing and controlling. I just returned from college and it’s my birthday in a few days, so I want to celebrate by calling my one very close friend and hanging out at the mall.
My mother insisted that I also invite another person who is a close family friend from childhood because my mom is very good friends with that person’s mother. I understand she’s close with her mom but I’m not very close to this person even if we know each other from childhood… only my sister is closer to her.
Nor has this person ever invited me to her parties. I just don’t want to invite her, it’s my birthday so I get to invite who I want, isn’t it? I told my mom that no I don’t want to invite that person and she needs to stop being selfish and make my birthday about her friendship.
She lost her mind and started crying even because I was cruel to her apparently and didn’t care about her friendships.
Why is my birthday about her friend? She’s worried that if my mom posts my birthday pics on social media, her friend will see it and feel bad.
By the way, I don’t know if I should add this but I always found her friend to be a toxic mother herself. So it’s no wonder they’re good friends. My mother then said that there was no party and I should just go away, she didn’t care what I did on my birthday and just started crying and ran off to her room.
Like… all because I’m not inviting a person? I just don’t get why I’m being villainized here. My birthday isn’t for her to keep her friendships, she hardly invites that person’s mother on her birthdays or worries about them seeing her posts on social media even though she’s very “close” with her.
Why is only my birthday so important for this? She ruined one of my previous birthdays as well by destroying my hair, I don’t know if it was on purpose or by mistake, but all I know is that she didn’t care or take responsibility for it. She was all glammed up and ready herself and did not care that I was crying about my ruined hair on my birthday, and again cried when I didn’t want to party anymore.
Why is my birthday, the day I was born so unimportant to her to the point that if I don’t listen to her demands she won’t even bother celebrating it? Am I the jerk here?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ… I agree with Candyland on this. She cares about her feelings.
Be prepared if you get to the party she will invite her friend’s kid on your behalf. I hope you get to celebrate your birthday with the people who care for you. Happy birthday honey.” ChapterPresent4773
Another User Comments:
“NTJ let your mom be a spoiled brat throwing her tantrum.
Time for you to be assertive and stand up against your mom who will never respect boundaries. Read up on personality disorders so you know better techniques on how to defend yourself against your mom’s tactics.” DietrichDiMaggio
1. AITJ For Feeling Offended By My Future Father-In-Law's Jokes?
“I’ve been with my partner for almost 6 years. We have a great relationship and recently got engaged.
Over the time we’ve been in a relationship, his father has made comments and jokes towards me, often when others aren’t around or in crowded environments which come across as hurtful and condescending.
For example; my partner and I play league ten-pin bowling every week. His parents love coming down to watch him play. I play on a different team so they will come over and say hi and have a little chat between bowls. It’s nice. The last time they came to see us, my partner’s father came up to me while I was watching my team play and just said “Not good” while looking at my team scores on the screen.
When I asked him “What’s not good?” He just said, “I’m only joking, only joking!” Without actually explaining what the joke was or what he meant. It made for an awkward moment.
Another time at bowling I was having a great night and scored well. I was chatting to my team about how well we all went when my partner’s father came over and said “Oh your scores are good!
The other guy must have left!” Insinuating that it wasn’t me that got the good score, someone else scored that with my name against it. It was received as a poor joke at my expense.
Last year, my partner and I adopted our second rescue dog. We had already adopted our first one together 3 years earlier and had brought them both over to his parent’s house to introduce them.
When I was chatting with his dad, he said to me “It’s great that you have your dog now”. I asked him what he meant by this because he knew that we had adopted both dogs together as a couple. He just said, “It’s just nice to see you have your dog now”.
Again, this made for an awkward moment with me quite literally being lost for words.
Am I the jerk for wanting to bring this up with him? Or am I just being too sensitive? I’ve brought this up with my partner and he has told me his dad means no harm and I’m being too sensitive.
He of course loves his dad and his dad isn’t an inherently bad person, but I feel very anxious about planning to spend the rest of my life with someone whose father makes subtle digs at me and makes me avoid events or situations where I am obliged to engage with him.”
Another User Comments:
“My first thought before reading your second paragraph was that you’re being too sensitive. It sounds like FIL has a dry sense of humor, but that he’s actively trying to joke around with you, which is a good thing… I can picture that specific type of boomer which initially is a little hard to read, but if you can kind of give it back to them in jest, they will respect you more.
And these all seem like harmless little digs, not anything substantive, which means there is likely no malicious intent. No jerks here” jmgolden33
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here maybe it’s because I’m Australian but this just seems like banter to me. And quite light, gentle banter, at that. But you’re NTJ for being offended. Not everyone communicates that way or has experience with it and that’s ok.
Just have a conversation with him. “Hey, when you say things like “x”, I feel humiliated/hurt (however you want to express what you’re feeling).” See what he says.” LudwigsEarTrumpet
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here You are being too sensitive. You don’t even know why you feel offended, you just feel you should be.
All of your examples end with, there was an awkward moment. You feel awkward, you don’t know what to say, but he’s not saying anything offensive. Maybe something is lost without tone or facial expressions, but he’s not saying anything bad or mean. Even the “other guy left” thing could have been in good fun.
And if you had a bad bowling day and he said not good, why are you confused about what he’s talking about?” EffectiveOne236
