People Spill Their Most Mischievous 'Am I The Jerk?' Stories
23. AITJ For Not Offering My Small Flat To My Visiting Brother?
“My (26M) brother (35M) who lives 700 miles away approx messaged me 2 days ago saying he’s visiting my city for a week for work and he’s pulling up on the 4th of September. I responded by saying it would be nice to see him one day or a couple of days but I have quite a busy week that week so let me know when he’s around.
A few hours later my mum called me and told me I was being incredibly rude and a selfish brother for not immediately offering my brother to stay at my place. I had just assumed he was being given accommodation by his work and she told me that his work thing was only 2 out of the 8 days he was staying and the rest of the time he had wanted to see me, which had not been made clear in his text.
I have a tiny flat. It has 2 rooms, a kitchen with a pull-out sofa which is where I sleep, and a bathroom which is just a toilet and a sink. I don’t have a shower or bath and I wash myself in the sink every day.
I do not have room for guests ever. My mum suggested that I stay with a friend while my brother stays at my place (all my friends have similar living situations or aren’t close enough that I could ask, as there is a bit of a housing crisis in our area), or that I pay for my brother’s hotel as I am being selfish or that my brother stays with me and sleeps in my bed (there is almost no room).
I explained why none of these would be possible and she said I was just offering problems rather than solutions and that I was making it difficult on purpose for my brother but I don’t see why I have to drop everything for him to have this trip but he is just guilting me saying he will have nowhere to stay so AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ….Your brother is 36. Old enough to make his own arrangements. And he and your mom are lying. If he was truly coming to see you, he would have called and arranged ahead of time so you could have time off of work.
Brother just wants a free place to stay. (And even if you did let him stay with you, no way should you give up your bed. Beggars can’t be choosers. Couch or floor for him.). Stick to saying no and do not feel guilty.” Worth-Season3645
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your mom wants you to move out and give your brother your flat during his “visit”? How did you stop laughing after she suggested that? I thought the plan was to spend time with you. Why on earth would you be responsible for his hotel bill when you didn’t even invite him??
If you plan on visiting someone, you make plans with the person BEFORE you book your tickets.” cassowary32
Another User Comments:
“What the heck? This is the most ridiculous thing I ever heard. YOU should either go stay somewhere else or pay for a hotel for HIS trip simply because you don’t have the space to accommodate?
Are people this entitled? NTJ. Also, you know how you and your brother aren’t close? You should keep it that way and probably lump your mom into that group too” TheAnonymoose69.
22. AITJ For Uninviting My Judgmental Family From My Wedding?
“I (30F) have never really gotten along well with my uncle (married into the family), his wife is my aunt and sadly I think he’s rubbed off on her and they’ve raised their kids with their mindset and values. Naturally. Largely this stems from his political views which are gross but, he also has this demeanor of being better than everyone and if you’ve been to Tenerife he’s been to Elevenerife.
Anyway, over the years I’ve had plenty of pointed remarks from my uncle about my perceived booze intake. I did party a lot during college but, having grown up whilst I still like to party I leave it to special occasions. He has implied I am a heavy drinker before.
My aunt has also made pointed remarks independently.
My eldest cousin from that set has made pointed remarks. He was too young to remember my college days but it appears his parents have said something.
Fast forward to now, we went out for a family birthday dinner and my youngest cousin from that set said “You’ve always got a drink in your hand, haven’t you?” To which I replied to say I only ever saw them at celebrations, we see each other less than twice a year.
He then called me a heavy drinker to my face. I called him out for it and he looked mortified. He did then call me and apologize and it was a very good apology.
I am not fond of this part of the family for many reasons but, having had it from all angles I am truly fed up.
The fact that the two cousins are so comfortable talking about what they think I drink tells me his parents have spoken about it at home. Whilst the youngest has apologized, none of the others ever have. I had invited them to my wedding reception to keep the peace with my dad and grandparents but, they can go and whistle IMO.
So, AITJ for inviting my family to my wedding?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – It’s YOUR wedding, you should surround yourself with people who love and care about you and your happiness. They have made it pretty clear that they do not fall into this category, and that was their choice.
You should be proud of yourself for not only recognizing that these aren’t the kind of people you want around you on your special day but for actually acting on it and not having them there. Hopefully, the cousin that apologized will rub off on the rest of them.
But until that happens (if it ever does) protect your peace!” cupcake-snail
Another User Comments:
“This holier than thou uncle sounds like a barrel of fun. Some families seem to need to demonize another family member. Do not invite them to what should be a happy day for you without any judgment.
Tell them that there will be drinking at the wedding and you don’t want to make them feel uncomfortable. That they should plan another small reception for you with them at a future date where there will be no booze. I hope you have a great wedding.” Shashi1066
Another User Comments:
“Why should you be miserable on your wedding day? Why should you invite people who will monitor you the entire time with snide remarks? Why should you be doing damage control to your reputation on your wedding day? There is no answer good enough to justify inviting those people. If you are enough and mature enough to get married, you have the right to exert your power over who comes and doesn’t come to your wedding. If you can’t do that, you’re not ready to get married. The only ones who matter are you and your fiance. BTW….keeping the peace is always at your expense and never the person wanting you to keep the peace. BUT… the one making the peace ALWAYS regrets it afterward.
So don’t do it. Uninvite all of them. If comfortable with the youngest who apologized, you can let him come. Anyone who has been giving you grief up until now, ban from thy wedding. NTJ” Outrageous-forest
21. AITJ For Not Attending My Stepdad's Cancer Celebration Due To A Prior Engagement?
“So my (41f) mom (61f) and sister (31f) had a party to celebrate my stepdad who is beating cancer.
I was unable to attend due to a prior engagement with my partner. Now everyone is hurt and upset that I didn’t come.
My mom had told me a couple of months ago that they wanted to have dinner with the family since my brother who lives out of state would be around and the date she told me was the date we had plans for (it was a fundraiser event and it was quite expensive.) When my mom initially brought it up to me, I told her we had plans already and could we do it on a different day, the following day I already planned to be in the area for a reunion on my dad’s side of the family that had been planned months prior.
I live a few hours away in the summertime with my partner.
I had spoken with my mom a few times and suggested we do dinner another night, and she told me she’d let me know. And then a couple of days later my sister created an event on social media and it’s an actual party.
I called my mom and again told her I couldn’t come that day, she reassured me that they understood and it was fine. It wasn’t fine.
We had dinner the night after when I was in the area and everyone was very icy and cold, my sister was mean and left early.
My partner noticed it too, but no one mentioned anything to me. I finally reached out to my sister and she was very upset and hurt that I didn’t attend her dad’s party- (she’s my half-sister) claiming I don’t like her dad (we have never been super close, but I don’t hate him or even dislike him).
But we did talk it out and I apologized for hurting her feelings, and we probably should have talked before the party. I also spoke with my mom and we yelled at each other she thought I was being disrespectful and should’ve come to the party and skipped my prior engagement.
My partner doesn’t think I did anything wrong, but I don’t know anymore. Was I a jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ But take note: In the future, for any plans related to your stepdad or stepsister, do NOT rely on your mom to handle any arrangements or communications affecting you.
I feel pretty confident that your mom chose to not say a word about your schedule conflict, and not make a single attempt to find another date. She just didn’t want to bother with the effort of saying a word to your stepsister or finding a different date; she figured she’d get you to adjust your schedule and/or she’d just blame you for not doing so.
When your go-between proves as unreliable and – well – ready to hang you out to dry as your mom is, do not trust them again.” swillshop
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You are not a mind reader. You let them know it was a day you could not attend and your mom said she understood.
Their hurt feeling is not your responsibility. If they were angry they should not have told you it was ok to miss, or they should have rescheduled it to a time everyone was available. Hopefully, it will blow over, but it feels a bit like your mom is feeding off your sister’s anger.” NoDaisy
Another User Comments:
“Your mom is a jerk. You told her immediately that you had a prior engagement, bought expensive tickets, and non-refundable. Your mom decided to keep the date. She set you up. This was a power play, she wanted to tell you how high to jump, and she lost. Explain the expensive non-refundable tickets and her waffling in changing the date. It wasn’t that important to her that you be there. Let everyone know that, know everything. Let your stepdad know too.
Those that are still icy and cold towards you after learning the truth, go low contact with. NTJ” Outrageous-forest
20. AITJ For Accepting My Grandparents' Car Despite My Epilepsy?
“My (f24) grandfather passed away back in February, and my grandmother recently passed away a couple of weeks ago (so less than a year span apart).
My grandfather had a car: a 2009 Buick Lucerne, which he got sometime around the end of when I was in elementary school or the beginning of when I was starting middle school. And right from the beginning, I immediately fell in love with the car.
It’s this pretty cherry red color, and it was also way more “high-tech” at the time he got it than any other cars I’d seen.
Now, my grandfather when he was alive had said that the car would be mine someday when or if he got a new one because he knew that I liked it, and a couple of months ago I found out that my grandmother was in full agreement.
She called together my mom, my two aunts, and my uncle for them all to hear that I was going to get the car after she passed away, that it was not in the trust but that it was one of her final wishes.
Something I need to explain is that I have epilepsy, and cannot currently drive.
Where I live, if you want to drive/keep a license, you must be seizure-free for six months. I have now gone two months without a seizure, and only four months from being able to drive again. Still, I was told that the car was going to be gifted to me.
As much as I’d like to say that this is sunshine and rainbows, the car gift is causing problems with some members of my family.
My uncle believes that the car is worth over USD 10,000 (it is not, I looked it up) and that it’s vintage, so he was nearly livid when he found out that the car is going to be given to me and not sold with the divided amongst everyone.
He had this to say about it: “She’s going to have a seizure behind the wheel, and I’m going to laugh.”
I was actually kind of shocked, but then I began to wonder if he was right. AITJ or selfish for taking a car I can’t currently drive when it could be sold and split amongst the family?”
Another User Comments:
“I suspect your uncle got a lot more than $10k. But he is an utter jerk for wishing harm on you. Make sure he knows that if you die, he’s going to get mentioned in the service as the witch who wished harm to you.
If your seizures are controlled and you have a use for the car, then fantastic. No hassle in waiting around long enough to find out. A car is always useful. You may want to post the book value and with the split share online – Uncle wants me dead for $1k.
Even if you can’t drive it, your grandfather left it to you so sell it and keep all the value for yourself. Your grandfather wanted you to have it.” Timely_Egg_6827
Another User Comments:
“Are you under the care of a neurologist? Don’t know what state you’re in..here in California, as long as you’re under the care of a neurologist and your epilepsy is managed, there’s a standard form the doctor fills in for the DMV.
I have epilepsy and it is managed with medication, the DMV knows and I can legally drive. If you are NOT medicated or if medication is not able to keep you from seizures you should not drive period. Seriously. ” EducationalSplit8876
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and good on your mom for getting this done right away!
So excited for you to get this car and to be able to drive it soon. I looked up the rough worth of the car and I can’t imagine it being worth more than 5k even unless its in perfect condition and has more miles on it.
5k doesn’t go far when you split with a few people lol your uncle has lost his mind. Besides, its YOUR car, if you do sell it every single penny of that money will go to you and you alone.” tarahlynn
19. AITJ For Evicting My Unemployed BIL Who Disrespects Our Home?
“My (m30) BIL (m44) has been unemployed for over a year and a half and lost his rental back in May, so my wife (m32)(his sister) and I let him move in with the stipulation that he would get an (any) job within two months.
We almost immediately regretted the decision. His dog bit our cat and dog within the first 2 weeks because he doesn’t train her; honestly, he ignores her all day. He always creates a disaster in the kitchen and then has cleaned the kitchen maybe 10 times in the last 3 months and normally only when we ask.
He’s also a heavy drinker, he drinks half a dozen beers a day every single day. He also takes a bunch of psychiatric meds and THC. Finally, he hadn’t found a job; he entered a 15-week coding boot camp so he could force us to let him stay longer.
He cried crocodile tears to beg us to let him stay 6 months. Otherwise, he just plays video games all day and night. *HE IS 44 BY THE WAY*
He’s even asked me to apply for jobs for him (I told him I would help him revise his resume and send him a couple of listings, but he had to apply himself).
He’s also refused to do gig work or work retail/food service jobs. His resume is rough; he’s gotten fired or laid from 6 jobs in 8 years, usually because of behavioral issues. He’s got ADHD, anxiety, etc. and his brothers think narcissistic, but they all hate each other, so idk.
Last weekend, he freaked out on my wife for asking him to *check notes* clean a pan after she spent a bunch of time cleaning the kitchen and he made a mess almost immediately after. Since then, he’s been sending her walls of texts with demands not to contact him if she was just “going to nag him” and called her controlling and a micromanager.
I put my foot down and gave him his notice. He signed a week-to-week lease with us so he has to be out soon or I’m going to file for ejectment. My wife wants him out too but feels guilty since he was going to be homeless back in May if we didn’t let him move in.
AITJ for making him homeless?”
Another User Comments:
“Dude, I was in an eerily similar situation. We ‘helped a BIL get on his feet’, but it turned into a 5-month of chaos that featured the same lack of consideration, disgusting hygiene habits, avoidance of responsibility, and put massive stress on our home life.
The difference is my wife kicked him out after he refused to keep a job. He never wanted to get on his feet, he wanted to play video games in our basement for eternity. He’s a grown man and he can figure his stuff out.
Good on you for helping him, but if he isn’t going to help himself he’s just going to cause you and your partner crazy grief.” cndnsportsfan
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You aren’t making him homeless, he’s making himself homeless by his failure to get a job and behave properly in your home.
For him to be pushing back on your expectations says to me he’s behaving as if he’s a teenager in your home who you are responsible for. Doesn’t sound like he appreciates what you have tried to do for him. It’s really simple: You tried to help him and it hasn’t worked out.
His continued failure to be considerate of your expectations while residing in your home is not acceptable, and understandably so. He needs to figure out, like the adult he is, how he can make his way elsewhere. Now. He likely needs some booze and maybe substance addiction help, but that too is up to him, not you.
You cannot help him if he does not care to help himself.” Realistic_Head4279
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If you don’t evict him, nothing is going to change and you are going to live with this situation forever. You tried to be nice and help him and he has broken every promise he has given you.
You can’t force him to be responsible. I’ve had to deal both with heavy drinkers and deadbeat roommates, so I feel for you. But you can’t help someone who refuses to be helped.” bamf1701
18. AITJ For Not Inviting My Aunt To My Wedding After She Triggered My Sister's Breakdown?
“I (26m) had an engagement party last week that ended badly.
My sister Tanya (28f) went through a lot in the last few years. She broke up with her partner because he wanted to move to Georgia and she didn’t want to leave California. She also quit her nursing job and is now a flight attendant.
This didn’t go well with the rest of our family then. Everyone was harassing her for what she did and she ended up cutting off contact for a while.
So my other sister threw an engagement party for me and my fiancée and invited everyone.
And I mean everyone.
At one point, Tanya had a nervous breakdown. It took a while to calm her down but when we asked what happened, it turned out one of my aunts was harassing my sister and asking when she would grow up. Things like when she was going to settle down and go back to nursing.
No one could calm her down and she had to leave early.
I’m honestly really angry at my aunt. She’s always been a helicopter aunt who can’t mind her own business but this time she took it too far.
My sister had a mental health crisis thanks to her.
When it’s time to send out the invites, I’m not planning on sending one to my aunt because what if she pulls this stunt again at the wedding?
My mom, her sister, doesn’t agree. We don’t have a big family, to begin with, and my aunt never had kids so she treats her niblings like the children she never had (ie controlling).
She thinks that it wouldn’t be fair to exclude her when everyone else is invited.
My wife is on my side. My sister says that she doesn’t want to attend, and I’m going to respect that unless she says otherwise. My aunt, I am not interested in having it because what if she does this again?
My mom says if I don’t invite my aunt, then she might as well not come either to support her.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. However, I’m a bit confused: Your sister says she doesn’t want to attend, so how can your aunt do the same thing again?
Anyway, NTJ, aunt needs to stay in her lane, and even if she would feel like it’s her job – it isn’t – to talk to your sister in such a condescending way, and let’s say she has good intentions for that, even then the right time & place to do so is **not** at a family gathering.” DutchDaddy85
Another User Comments:
“NTJ This is your wedding so invite who you want. I can see controlling and manipulative runs in your mum’s side of the family so if she wants to not attend her own daughter’s wedding in support of her sister – who caused her other daughter mental distress – then so be it.
I hope your sister feels strong enough to attend. And I hope she is having a great time in her role as a flight attendant.” Individual_Metal_983
17. AITJ For Not Letting My Younger Sister Come To College Parties With Me?
“My sister “Leah” (16F) and I (18F) grew up very close since we are only two years apart and I consider her one of my best friends. When we were younger she was shy and had trouble making friends, so she ended up hanging out with me and my friend group a lot.
In high school whenever I went to parties she would often tag along. There were never any issues, especially since my friend group was relatively tame (i.e. no booze, illicit substances, etc.) and I didn’t feel like I had to go out of my way to look out for her.
This year I am starting college and Leah is going to be a junior in high school. I am still living at home and commuting to school. I have already started attending some orientation events and was invited to a few parties. I have noticed that the vibe of these parties is quite different from what I and Leah are used to.
For example, there was drinking, some people were using substances, and some of the guys were very flirtatious / forward.
Leah has asked if she can tag along to some of these parties and got upset when I told her that the parties I’m going to now aren’t appropriate for her age.
She said that I was being condescending and overprotective. However, I think there is a difference between the high school parties we went to where we played video games and ate chips with people we had known all our lives versus the college environment where people are testing and pushing various boundaries.
AITJ?
Her point of view is that we have always been 2 years apart, so it doesn’t make sense that I am now suddenly saying she is “too young” to be in the same social circle as me. However, I think that college is a big jump and it would be better if she waited to experience it when she is 18 and going to college.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. On the contrary, you would be an irresponsible jerk if you *did* take her to these parties. Whether Leah likes it or not, the two years between you now make a huge difference: you are an adult moving into adult social circles, while she is still a minor.
And in any case, it’s past time that Leah started finding her own friends and social group, and developing a bit more independence from her big sister.” Jyqm
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Approach it a different way. For the past couple of years, yes, she’s been able to come with you, but these next years in school, she’s gotta figure it out.
She can’t isolate herself by coming to parties that for sure others her age are not going to be at. It’s not just that guys will get predatory, but it is more that she has to find her path and figure out who she connects with.
You can also say that you need this too. You need to break free a little in this new territory and see how you fit in, and having her there as a crutch essentially will make you respond and act differently. You want to be able to be able to explore and not worry about anyone else.
It is fine to say that she can take care of herself, but when you love someone, you can’t help but worry, and that also changes things for you.” OhmsWay-71
Another User Comments:
“You’re an awesome sister. NTJ. The age difference between the two of you isn’t huge.
However, a 16-year-old shouldn’t be partying with people who are possibly 24-25 years old. You don’t know these people well enough yet, and you don’t know what kinds of people you may meet. They may seem great right now, but get some booze involved, and what happens if that forward 24-year-old guy corners your sister and she is suddenly in a situation where she doesn’t know what to do?
You need to experience things on your own. Your sister will, too. Enjoy this new phase of your life.” All7AndWeWatchEmFall
16. AITJ For Asking My Friend To Uninvite Someone To My Halloween Party?
“Every year I host a Halloween get-together for my closest friends and me at my home.
I spend my time and money making and buying food, games, decorations, you name it. It’s always a small group because I only invite the best friends who put the time and effort into being friends.
Recently, the friends I am inviting and I settled on a date for our Halloween party.
Everything was great. This year we were planning on making our own personal Halloween pizzas, personal-sized carrot cakes, a bonfire, playing a crime-solving game, watching movies, etc. The majority of the activities/food are bought by me, and my friends have the option to bring something as well, or just show up for a good time.
All these festivities take place at my home, and along with that comes loads of cleaning and prepping to make sure my home is suitable and ready for my friends to come over.
Then suddenly and needless to say, RANDOMLY, I saw a message in our group chat that said: “I invited ____ to our party”.
The person invited hasn’t spoken to me in years.
Being the very demure person I am, I messaged my friends privately and asked if they were being serious. They responded and told me they ran into a person at the store and just invited them.
I then messaged my friend and politely said I didn’t think that was a good idea. To which my friend responded and asked why. I was then informed that said person still talks to a mutual friend of ours, I was stunned. I then reiterated that this was not a current friend of mine, as they chose to stop responding to me years ago, and that I didn’t want them invited into my home without my knowledge or permission.
Now my friend is ignoring my last message mentioned above and won’t respond to any messages in the group chat either. So, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. This is common rude behavior by your friend, though. These kinds of people go through life with a look of shock on their face that you are offended by their offensive behavior.
Sadly, unless you put a public stop to this behavior, others might follow suit. Put it in the group chat: Your house. Your guest list.” National_Pension_110
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I feel like they were not being DEMUR and wanted to put you on the spot by saying that in the group chat rather than messaging you directly.
What was everyone else’s response? Were they happy about it? Not that that matters, your house, they should have asked your permission before inviting others to your party, that was rude and unacceptable.” MrsNobodyspecial67
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Send a message to the group: *This is not a party ALL of us are hosting.
I am hosting this (at my house, with the majority of food and things provided by me). I appreciate any food or other supplies you contribute, but please be clear: No one else is invited to the party or should be. If you have invited someone, you need to tell them it was your mistake and they are not invited to my home or the party.*” swillshop
15. AITJ For Being Upset Over Not Being Invited To My Partner's Family Holiday?
“I, 18F, have been seeing my partner 18M (who I will call Max), for 2 and a half years. We both still live with our parents and rely on them for housing food etc.
This year, for the first time, my parents extended an invitation to Max to join us for two weeks in Italy.
My parents agreed to accommodate and feed him for free, but he would need to pay for his plane tickets and other expenses. Max’s parents refused to pay for his ticket since they thought he should fund it himself (they are quite comfortable money-wise, and Max does have a job), nonetheless, the tickets were still expensive, and since my parents offered to pay for mine, Max and I agreed that I would pay for half of his.
Shortly after we returned, Max found out that his parents were planning on having a short holiday, within the country. They are renting a boat and will be traveling along the coast for a few days. Max tells me this and I get excited as this means we will be having two holidays together.
I told him I would be happy to contribute to food etc. Fast forward a few days and he asks me if I would be available to cat-sit for them for the week they are away. After this I found out that I was never invited on this holiday, despite talking to Max about it numerous times, meaning he purposely withheld this information and didn’t ask his parents if I could come.
We argued about it, and I refused to look after the cat while he was away.
He tells his mum that I’m upset about it, despite me asking him not to, and she explains that there is not enough space for me on the boat.
Then, proceeds to show me a plan of the boat which shows 3 single beds and 3 doubles. For context, Max has two sisters, a brother, as well as his parents, which makes 6, not including myself, so there is enough room for me.
Another thing to mention is that she thinks it is inappropriate for her son to share a bed with me, even though we are both adults and have been seeing each other for almost three years.
AITJ ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ he doesn’t care about you. You went out of your way to make sure he could go on the trip with your family but he couldn’t even be honest and said you weren’t invited when you two were talking about it.
I mean, you two have been seeing each other for 2+ years, I’m sure he knew what kind of person you are and how you would react. He leads you on to believe you are invited and then dares ask you to cat sit. He then proceeded to make it sound like it was your fault and make a problem with his mom when it was his fault for not communicating in the beginning.
One can say you two are still young but this is who he is. Imagine years along the line with him. You want someone who can empathize and have your back.” User
Another User Comments:
“Your partner got you to pay for half of his ticket then strung you along when you assumed you were invited on his family’s holiday before trying to rope you into catsitting.
You probably shouldn’t have assumed the holiday, but it looks like your partner is taking advantage of you. Take a good long look at your relationship history. Are you mostly the giver and him the taker? If so, that’s a red flag.” ghostoftommyknocker
14. AITJ For Playing Video Games After Work Instead Of Spending All My Free Time With My Partner?
“To get started my partner (21) and I (20) moved in together in late January after a long distance for a year due to going to different colleges.
We are high school sweethearts and have been together for 4.5 years.
The issue:
This started about a month ago. I work 10-hour days and don’t get home till about 7 PM. My partner has had no job for the past 2 months and just got a part-time job but hasn’t started yet.
When I get home I always greet and hug and kiss her and we talk about our days. After that, I’ll go play my game for about 2-3 hours. Then we’ll eat dinner and I’ll watch a movie or a show or something with her.
So we end up going to bed around 12 am-1 am after we watch a couple of episodes and a movie or something.
Last night the issue came to an eruption. She had a friend over from about 6 pm-9 pm so I played my game while she was over and towards the end around 9 pm I got on with a friend to play 1 round of a game that lasted about 30-45 minutes.
She got upset with me because after I got done we ate and watched something like we always do but I had to call it in a little earlier because I had a long day at work. This was at 11:30
She starts to lose it saying that I never spend time with her anymore or show her attention.
I was completely baffled by this because I do spend time with her after work and on my days off we always do whatever she wants to do.
I guess my question is am I the jerk for spending 2/5 of the hours I have to myself after work playing games with myself and friends rather than spending it with her?”
Another User Comments:
“This is one of those No jerks here or everyone’s a jerk sort of situations. Given that circumstance, it seems odd that she had a friend over and then got on you for not hanging out. That said, you seem to be in a pretty boring routine.
Here’s a question, when you’re playing your games for 3 hours a day, do you know what she’s doing? Not in the “she’s up to no good. Do you KNOW WHAT SHE’S DOING?”, sense. But a “this is your partner, do you know what she’s into?
How she’s filling this nontrivial amount of time every” sense.” SoImaRedditUserNow
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, as a girl who games myself, I hate the idea that once you get a partner or start living with them you aren’t allowed to enjoy alone time or still do activities by yourself anymore.
Sometimes it’s also an introvert thing, even if we love our partner, we need some time alone too. Everybody deserves to be able to destress by themselves too. Or to have some hobbies that they don’t spend with their partner the entire time.
The only thing I can think of is maybe try and introduce her to some games she might find interesting. So maybe you guys can play together occasionally, like once or twice a week, etc. Even then, if you’ve already tried or if you don’t want to, I can’t fault you for that.
Sometimes you just want to be able to do things by yourself.” JDoubleGi
Another User Comments:
“Well, when I was married at your age I stopped playing video games altogether… Now looking back it was not the smartest decision but if you want to keep your relationship going then you have to sacrifice something.
Your partner is lonely the whole day and then you come home and she still is pretty much alone, she has all the right to be upset and even dump you, so don’t be surprised. This is why we need to build relationships with the right people – if you prefer playing games over socializing with your partner then find a gamer partner who shares your passion, don’t try to build something with people who don’t feel the same.
I will say No jerks here, but your partner should find a better man (for her) and you should be single or find someone who shares your passion for games instead of having a relationship that pretty much will lead nowhere unless you change your habits.” forgeries
13. AITJ For Being Upset My Mom Said She Feels Like A First-Time Mom With My Half-Brother?
“I (24M) have a good relationship with my mother (40F) even though, as you can tell from our age, she had me when she was very young and lacked the maturity to raise me, so I lived with my grandparents, who were then below the poverty line, for most of my childhood while my mother moved away to get her college education.
I don’t blame her for her choices, I know she worked hard to improve herself and to get to a place where she would have the means to raise me right, but it wasn’t until I was 11 or 12 that she was stable enough to get me to live with her (bio dad was never in the picture).
Anyway, now, my mother is financially comfortable and happily married. She gave birth to her second son a couple of weeks ago. I don’t live with her anymore (we’re not in the same city, it’s a 2-hour drive), so it wasn’t until yesterday that I managed to visit her and see my half-brother for the first time.
I noticed she was surrounded by a lot of fancy accessories, so I was like “What are those?”, and she was like “That’s the baby’s Lexus stroller and Louis Vuitton diaper bag of course”. So I said something like “You went overboard huh?”.
And then she said something that hurt me.
She said she now had the chance to experience motherhood for the first time, and that she was feeling like a first-time mom because, when she had me, she was so young and unprepared and financially vulnerable. So I told her she was not a first-time mom, and I couldn’t understand why she’d say something like that to me.
She tried to argue that she didn’t mean it like that, but I was still upset, I just didn’t push it because my stepfather arrived.
She texted me after I left, but I didn’t reply yet. I also didn’t pick up when she tried to call me.
AITJ for holding on to this?”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here I understand why her words hurt you. Yes, she was already a mum before her second child. But it sounds like she wasn’t your primary caretaker until you were over a decade old.
I’m extrapolating here, and I apologize if I’m wrong, but she wasn’t able to spend the amount of time with you as a baby that most mums do. She didn’t get the experience of buying baby stuff, making the decisions, controlling the environment, and being responsible for a new, little life.
I don’t think she’s wrong for being happy that she can now have that experience. I also don’t think her comments mean that you don’t matter to her, or that she doesn’t consider you to be her child. It sounds like seeing the financial stability and comfort your half-sibling has been born into made you feel some things, and your mum’s comments pushed you over the line into being upset.” Tattedtail
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. Your feelings are valid. But to be fair, in your own words, your mother said she was FEELING like a first-time mum, not that she WAS. Your post states that she spoke about how the experience makes her FEEL like she’s experiencing motherhood for the first time and let’s be real, that is what is happening, kind of.
She was young when she had you, left you at your grandparents, and didn’t raise you. By her own choice, she didn’t get the mum of a newborn/infant experience with you. I think she knows that her phrasing hurt you and is trying to talk to you and apologize.
I don’t think she was trying to be mean or to imply that you are any less her child.” katbelleinthedark
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. That must have been an incredibly painful thing to hear and it’s okay that it hurt you. You can’t be a jerk for having your feelings hurt.
However, I can understand what your mum probably meant here, but phrased awfully. It sounds like your mum wishes that she was in the position she is in now when she had you. She wishes she gave you more than what she could but because she was so young and unprepared, she did not do as good of a job as she felt she should have.
Noting as well that your grandparents raised you, she probably really regrets missing out on that time with you and just said it so poorly. It’s something that I don’t think is worth ruining the relationship for. I think you should when you are ready, have a chat with your mum about what she meant and what kind of regrets/fears she has about parenting you.
I did that with my mum and as painful as it was at the time, it was also very healing. I heard a lot of thoughts I had about my mum being validated at the same time understanding the trauma that came before. Good luck.” Lonely_Second_55
12. AITJ For Telling My Dad My Cousin Is Homeless?
“I (F30) feel terrible and kind of annoyed. My cousin (F34) called me tonight to say she and her daughter were homeless and driving around our town.
I am living overseas and all of our family, besides my dad (my step-dad but her bio-uncle) are asleep, as it is early morning in the States. I ended up paying for a hotel room for 2 nights but messed up and put my dates (I am 1 day ahead) instead of hers.
The hotel will allow her to check in but needed her to pay $50.00. I offered to send her the money but she doesn’t have a bank account, only Cash-App. I can’t send money through the cash app since I don’t have it set up and I am not in the States, it doesn’t recognize my APO.
So, I called my dad. It would be an understatement to say he was totally upset. He told me to have my cousin call him but she refused because she did not want anyone to know. Mind you, she only called me because I am the only one out of our cousins with a job and no one had money to give her.
My dad ended up calling my cousin and now she is upset with me because I had to tell my dad what was going on. She is mad because she doesn’t trust my dad, which I have no clue what that is about. He barely even talks to anyone, so who knows?
Also, she still checked into the room that I was paying for. I only gave her the money because her daughter was with her (I spoke to her on the phone) and is somehow supposed to go to school tomorrow. I am not going to leave a kid out on the street but she does not seem to understand that.
As her mom, I would think you would want your kid somewhere safe even if it hurts your pride, but what do I know? So am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ it was an emergency, you were kind. This is, or should be, time for your cousin to look at options for women’s shelters.
These can be incredibly great places to support families getting back on their feet. Helping your cousin look for work, supporting children in school, helping get apartments, and setting up a home. The women using these services often are enormous sources of support for each other, and their children.
Shelters can offer more support than you can. Your cousin is desperate and will likely try tapping you for more funding for the hotel just until……! You would be throwing your money away at that point. Shelters are set up exactly for your cousin’s situation.
They will help her take responsibility for her own life. The rest will be up to her.” Red-phone-box
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. This may be wildly unpopular.. how well do you know her, day to day? I had a friend, a close friend, that did things like this.
She manipulated a group of us for a while, and we were clueless until one of us broke her confidence and shared the story. Turns out, a few of us were simultaneously ‘helping her’.. she was doing everything to avoid doing anything. I’m not saying this is her story, just offering a possibility.
Once we all started talking, we discovered a heap of lies. She had kids, so of course we all jumped in to help. Once we were knowledgeable, she reached out to others, further outside our circle and did the same thing. If your cousin truly needs the help, you did the right thing.
It may be embarrassing, and that sucks. But I’d rather be embarrassed briefly than have my kid in an unsafe, unsettling situation.” mildchild4evr
Another User Comments:
“Everyone’s a jerk here. I’m assuming there’s no way you could have known that she wanted to keep it a secret, but I also understand her embarrassment; it can be quite difficult to admit that you need help, especially when it comes to providing a home for your children.
Not to mention the possible child welfare/social services implications of being homeless. However, she can’t expect you to know something is supposed to be secret unless she tells you it’s supposed to be secret.” Playful_Yesterday642
11. AITJ For Wanting To Rent An Apartment Instead Of Living In The House My Parents Bought?
“So I, 18M, just started college, and I’m going to the same college as my sister, 21F. Two years ago, my parents bought a house so that eventually my sister and I could live in it together and go to school. My sister was the one who chose the house, and I didn’t have any say since I was 16 and I wasn’t even sure if I was going to the same college, to be honest.
My problem is that the house is 40 minutes away from campus, and parking at my school is a nightmare. I have always hated driving and have expressed this to my mom and my sister, and expressed my concerns about doing this every day for the next 4 years, but my mom tells me that I’ll just get used to it.
But I don’t think I even want to get used to it. I don’t want to spend 80 minutes every day stuck in a car and finding parking every day, and I feel like it makes the campus experience 10 times worse for me.
Financial aid and scholarships cover all of my tuition costs, and I get a lot of money refunded that I think is just enough to cover rent+utilities during the school year, although I would definitely either need to rely on my mother for other expenses or get a job, which I’m willing to do.
I feel like I’m being spoiled though since my parents are paying so much for this house, and I wouldn’t even be using it. I also don’t even know if this is a good idea since I’d be spending all my scholarship money on housing rather than saving it up.
I did tell my mom that I thought about transferring to a different school in a different city where I would live in a dorm or something (partially because of this, but mainly for other reasons) and she seemed okay with that idea. But I haven’t asked her about the possibility of renting an apartment.”
Another User Comments:
“You wouldn’t be the jerk. You can make your own choices about where and how to live. However, I don’t think it would be a smart choice if you end up going to a university that is within driving distance from that house.
If you have money back from your scholarship and already have rent covered, I think spending 80 minutes on your daily commute is a fair price to pay. This is a normal commute for many people, you won’t always live super close to where you work.
You could use the extra money from the scholarship and working make sure you are independent, have a better lifestyle, or save up so you can start a new life wherever you may work in the future (support yourself while you look for a job, change cities, a start to saving to buy property, etc.).
This is a luxury that not many have.” Dizzy-Potato3557
Another User Comments:
“You’re not the jerk. Your parents bought your sister a house. That’s great for her! You could have gone to a different college or decided (for good reasons) not to live in that house.
Your parents’ largesse doesn’t bind you to that situation. Commutes are a pain. Talk to your parents about what they’re willing to support *you* with (as opposed to your sister, or you as a package deal/afterthought). It may be nothing, and you’ll be in the same situation as many others, looking for a roommate, a part-time job, or student loans.
This is one of the decisions you get to start making as you become an adult. Just a thought: If you would get space in that house, couldn’t it be rented out? So your sister gets a roommate, and you get to live elsewhere, and somebody gets some income from rent.
Surely there’s somebody who’d love a good setup, with whom your sister be happier to live than with her younger brother! Work on options.” Tangerine_Bouquet
Another User Comments:
“You have classes every day? Sounds like you planned your schedule poorly. Typically you can put your courses on two or three days a week, meaning your travel is limited. You have free rent covered, free tuition, and you’re planning on turning your nose up at it because you don’t like driving and rather go into debt potentially.
Have you struggled with anything yet? Most would keel over for the opportunity you’ve described, and you’re shying away from it because it looks hard and you didn’t get to pick your free home. Don’t ask your parents for more. Step up and drive.
Imagine how much extra driving you’ll do to get from work to school to home. Not to mention be more financially stressed. You would be the jerk.” November-8485
10. AITJ For Wanting To Park In My Allocated Garage Space Despite Neighbor's Pregnancy?
“I live in a 4-unit condo. We have two large garage doors. Each bay holds two cars. Think of like a normal garage at a normal house but they are wider to fit two cars. We each are allotted 8 feet 1 inch of space. My neighbor drives a large 4runner.
She parks 9 inches over the space and it prevents me from parking my car in the garage. I usually manage but she sometimes parks further and I literally cannot fit into the garage.
If I street park I get a ticket. So first time this happened I called, texted, and knocked on her door to move her car over.
No response. I then texted her saying that I would be parking in the driveway as I got a ticket for street parking sorry for any inconvenience. She apologized the next morning and said no worries.
One week later the same thing happens. I park in the driveway again and send a nice text message again saying “Hi there, I hope you’re doing well!
I wanted to mention that I’ve been having a little trouble fitting into my garage, and it seems like we might be using a bit more space than we’re each allotted. I want to keep things positive between us, so I thought it might help if I shared the survey with you so we can both see the exact space we’re supposed to be using.
If it’s helpful, I can also arrange for someone to come by and mark out each spot. Thanks for understanding, and I’m sure we can sort this out smoothly ”
She responds at midnight saying she is pregnant and can’t fit otherwise. That morning she called me 8 times at 5 am and I did not pick up as I was asleep.
As soon as I woke I moved my car.
Was wondering if I am the jerk here for trying to park in my garage space. I think I will have someone come to mark the spots in the garage to prevent this issue.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Her logic is she can’t fit so she needs your spot leaving you screwed with no options. Get someone to mark the line. It’s only going to get worse because next she will claim she cannot get the car seat in and out without parking over the line.
I’d message her one more time saying, that I am sorry you are struggling but that you cannot prevent me from accessing my legal parking space. I suggest you consider other options.” GCM005476
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Sounds like she is the car on the left side, parking forward with the driver’s door to a wall?
What if she backs into the garage, passenger side as close to the wall as possible? Then both of you could get in and out of the car. Or you could switch the places, at least during her pregnancy? But it is not your fault she is pregnant (I guess), and it is not your fault her car doesn’t fit into her parking space either.
You could also try and talk to your landlord…” Pretend-Pint
Another User Comments:
“NTJ It is good etiquette to be considerate of other people, especially those who are pregnant, elderly, or otherwise less able. But being considerate of someone’s condition is not the same as rolling over and letting them wantonly requisition your property for their use.
If she is having trouble getting out of her car within the space allotted to her in the garage, it is up to her to request your help if reasonable, or find another appropriate solution. I would also definitely recommend standing your ground here – she wants consideration now because she is pregnant, but I can only see this continuing once she has to get a small baby into the car, strap a toddler into their seat, and so on, so it is not as if this will just be a temporary thing until she has her child…” Crysis
9. AITJ For Changing My Mind About Letting A Friend Rent A Room Due To His Uncomfortable Behavior?
“AITJ if I back out of letting someone move in my house to rent a room because they keep saying and doing things that make me uncomfortable? I have a friend who is in a bad living situation. I am a female and I have a 3 bedroom house.
My friend is a guy, and that is all I see him as. He asked me several weeks ago if he could rent my couch from me and I told him no. I thought about it for a while and then on Friday, I told him maybe we could do a trial run.
Now he thinks he’s going to be staying here permanently and is trying to tell me what is going to happen with certain things. Then earlier today he told me he loves me with a kissy face. It’s not the first time he’s sent me one either.
I just don’t see him like that. I got a divorce last year and have been alone since and have come to value my peace. I’m not interested in a relationship at all and I am in therapy for things that happened in the past. My mother also says it is a bad idea.
For some background, I am in my 40s, but I am on the autism spectrum. I tend to be a people pleaser and get taken advantage of quite a bit. I have been working on boundaries, though. Anyway, I have made it clear that I am not interested in him as more than a friend, but he keeps insisting that he likes me and I will eventually feel the same way.
I told him to be honest I don’t ever want to be in another relationship again.
I know I told him ok, but WIBTJ if I changed my mind since he makes me uncomfortable? I’ve known him for almost a year but we’ve only met and hung out in person twice.
He’s also saying that he would like to share my bed instead of sleeping on the couch. It just doesn’t feel right. How should I tell him I don’t want him to move into my house? He’s pushing to move in on Wednesday (today is Monday).”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ You don’t owe anyone lodging, let alone someone who makes you uncomfortable, let alone someone who kept asking you after you repeatedly said no, let alone someone who insists you will return his romantic feelings. Also, major correction to a word you keep using in your post: he is NOT your friend.” embopbopbopdoowop
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and please don’t let this guy into your house. He will never leave and he will constantly push your boundaries. He is giving me the ick and making my skin crawl. You barely know him, he wants to be in a relationship and control his “free” house, sleep in your bed, and make the decisions.
I think he will end up taking advantage of you. Do not let him move in. Step away from him. This does not feel safe at all. Your instincts are spot on.” Timely_Egg_6827
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Do NOT let him move in. He will take over your home, rearrange all your stuff, ruin your food, and expect you to clean up behind him. Be honest and let him know that after some thought, you’d rather not have your home life changed. It is a horrible feeling to feel uncomfortable and trapped in your own home because a guest won’t respect boundaries. ” JMarchPineville
8. AITJ For Losing It Over My Roommate Not Returning My Ice Pack?
“A couple of years ago I hurt my knee badly and when I went to physical therapy over it, I fell in love with this ice pack.
I bought this ice pack, and it was no cheap item—I’m talking about 40/50 bucks for a large ice pack that can comfortably wrap around a knee.
Anyways, I don’t use it all the time but I always keep it in the freezer just in case.
A couple of months ago my roommate hurt her knee, and, knowing how good the ice pack felt, I told her she could use it as long as she put it back.
Surprise surprise, I always have to put it back. Literally every single time.
But she’s my friend, so I don’t want her in pain. To make a long story short, I fell at work and busted my ankle pretty badly and I just kind of lost it on her when I came home and found out it was in her room, again, completely thawed out, again.
She told me to use frozen vegetables.
I started crying and had a bit of a meltdown, and I yelled at her for being selfish, and inconsiderate enough to pull my icepack out of the freezer all the time without ever putting it back. I can admit that I probably overreacted, but I was in so much pain and the only thing she could say is use frozen vegetables.
Like, I want to use the darn 40-dollar ice pack I brought to wrap around my ankle, not a darn tiny pack of vegetables that don’t even work.
She started crying and went to her room, then her friends started blowing up my phone and calling me ableist and stuff for…idk, holding an adult accountable for their actions??
She’s not chronically ill, her knee hurts sometimes but she walks fine without any kind of aid, so I have no idea why accusing me of ableism is even in the picture.
But I do feel like junk for reacting so harshly. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Honestly, it’s reasonable to be upset when someone keeps using your stuff and doesn’t bother to put it back, especially something as important as an expensive ice pack you rely on for pain relief. Your reaction might have been a bit intense, but you were in pain and just wanted to use what you paid good money for.
The whole “use frozen vegetables” thing from your roommate was pretty dismissive, and the ableism accusation is just over the top. You’re not wrong for wanting her to respect your stuff and your needs. Also if she wants to use it that badly she can just BUY one of her own.
Thinking she has priority over you to use YOUR item is nuts” jpawn37
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If she doesn’t want you to have a meltdown, don’t let the ice pack have one. (Sorry, lol) Anyways, even putting the ice pack aside, it’s her dismissive attitude, complete lack of empathy, refusal to apologize, and then immediately running crying to her flying monkeys that put her solidly in jerk territory.
TBH, your “friend” kind of sounds like she sucks. I wouldn’t let her use it anymore, and her friends are welcome to buy her one of her own since they feel so strongly about it.” JC_Tiberius
Another User Comments:
“You don’t owe anyone an explanation other than your roommate but if you do feel the need to explain, inform them that it wasn’t about the ice pack, it was the buildup over the frustration she’s been causing you with her selfish disrespect towards you these last few months.
That’s what the blowup was about. Stop focusing on the price of the item or any other detail; plain & simple, your roommate was disrespecting you. Ban her from using your things and when she bothers you about it, you know what to say, “Use frozen vegetables.” NTJ ” Majestic_Register346
7. AITJ For Wanting To Fine My Sibling For Messing Up Our Shared Bathroom?
“I (F18) am living with my family through college as my college is close by and due to scholarships, I can go to school for almost free. In my family, we have always had chores.
My sibling (16) and I both have dishes 3 nights a week, they sweep the kitchen and I have to keep our bathroom clean, clean sinks, shower, toilet, mirror, floors, and organize.
I am a generally tidy person and I always clean up after myself when using the bathroom.
My sibling on the other hand is not. They leave clothes (sometimes with period blood) and towels on the bathroom floor, leave pad wrappers on the ground next to the toilet when there is a trash can next to the toilet, they have smeared blood on the floor and generally, they leave the bathroom in disarray.
I would let it go if it was once a month but they trash the bathroom every time they use it.
I just deep cleaned and reorganized our bathroom which took 2 days to do and I only finished today. After a few hours of finishing, I walk upstairs to see it covered in clothes, our sink covered in their hair products and my towels on the floor.
This led to me going into my sibling’s room and I discovered they had been using my towel to dry off instead of grabbing their own. Ew! This same sibling has also only showered twice in the last week even though we all did things such as fishing and hiking.
Even more new!
Where I might be the jerk is telling my family I am instating a bathroom code of conduct, where breaking the rules leads to fines (of like $10). These rules are simple: flush, clean up your clothes and towels, return the bathroom to how you found it.
My mom said I was nagging my sibling too much about keeping clean and it is my job to clean the bathroom, which ticked me off because my sibling only has to sweep a room, which takes 10 minutes.
AITJ for wanting to fine my 16-year-old sibling for destroying our bathroom?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, they are 16, they are old enough to keep a basic level of hygiene. It may not be egregious things but these are not hard to take care of. Talk with your mom and let her know that you aren’t asking for a lot, just basic things.
I don’t recommend escalating (it can go south very quickly), but if that conversation fails, you could just leave wrappers/clothes/towels out in the living room or something, and see what happens when you make a mess in an area that your whole family inhabits and see if it’s still not a big deal.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. This is disgusting! Seems your sister is deliberately doing this. Talk to your mom again and point out how disgusting your sister is and she is doing it on purpose. This is not normal behavior. You should not have to clean up disgusting trash and deliberately smearing mess.
This is unsanitary. And requires her to deliberately do this. Does your mom know what is going on.? This is unsanitary living conditions – tell your mom the health dept should come to see this. Blood is considered a biohazard. Your sister needs help. Where is your dad??” HikingAndPics
Another User Comments:
“I think the solution would be to get in her ear about how disgusting and nasty she is and imagine if her friends saw it. Don’t let up on it give her horrible nicknames even. Pretend to get sick because of her blood since it’s a biohazard lmao.
Call her a slob. Inconvenience her heavily on her chore days. Whatever it takes. I’m just curious about why your parents don’t care?” redditpaigereddit
6. AITJ For Considering Not Inviting My Friend To A Trip Due To Her Strict Parents' Rules?
“My friend Tina and I have a 3rd friend Stella (all 25f) from college who has very strict parents. Lately, every time we plan something that isn’t convenient for Stella, it ends up being stressful for all of us and she ends up mad at us because we won’t bend over backward for her parents’ rules.
Some of the rules include:
* She cannot be out later than 11 pm
* She cannot drive the family car or get her own
* She cannot sleep over at anyone’s house
* She cannot use Uber
* As her friends we should always drive her home even if it’s 1 hour+ out of our way or they call us bad friends despite the fact they won’t even drive 5 mins to pick her up from the train station and make her bus/walk home from there.
We all do feel really bad for Stella in this situation because we know she’s under a lot of pressure from her family, but at the same time, it has gotten exhausting and stressful to always try to accommodate her. One time recently she assumed one of us would drive her back after a party despite the fact we were drinking and getting our significant others to drive us home, we didn’t want to leave by 10 pm, and driving her home would turn our 30-minute drive home into 1.5 hours.
Then even though we never agreed that we would drive her (the party was at her significant other’s house so we assumed she figured something out with him), she flipped out at us at 10:30 pm for being late and then didn’t talk to us for a week after.
Another time she got upset that I planned a New Year’s Eve party at my house because even though her parents agreed to let her stay out until midnight this one time, it was still too far for her to get home easily and everyone was planning on drinking and spending the night.
She was mad we didn’t plan something closer and more convenient for her but she isn’t allowed to have us over at her house and didn’t have any other suggestions on what else we could do near her. It felt like she just didn’t want us to celebrate at all.
In both cases, her significant other ended up paying for an Uber for her home and she just lied and told her parents that we drove her and then was angry at us after. She still regularly brings up the first event as an example of how unreliable we are.
Now, we are trying to plan a day trip out of the city about a 2-hour drive from us and we are debating just not inviting her. We already know if we do invite her she won’t have a ride, will demand we have to leave early, will want a ride home even though her house is 40 minutes in the opposite direction (and will not offer gas money), and will probably be mad at us for planning something so out of her way in the first place even though it is a very common tourist destination in our state.
We are thinking of just making it seem like a last-minute plan since her parents always say no to last-minute plans and that way she won’t be able to come. We both feel really bad about it but we just don’t want to have our trip ruined by her parents’ rules and/or have us be angry with us for weeks after the fact.
Are we the jerks?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She’s a 25-year-old adult with a developed frontal lobe. She is more than capable of moving out and living her own life vs being treated like a child in her parent’s home. She CHOOSES to stay home and be a passenger princess.
Maybe it’s time to rethink the friendship….if she’s not providing value and is a pain to hang out with, what’s the point?” ZeusMcFloof
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You aren’t obligated to change all of your plans for one person. I haven’t seen anywhere that she’s changed her plans to accommodate anyone else or made plans so she can determine the timing, it’s all about people changing plans for her.
When she has to be home and how she gets there is not your problem. When I plan a gathering or an outing with multiple people, I let them know where and when and they are welcome to join. Adjusting plans slightly to accommodate someone is one thing, one person expecting the event to drastically change for their single needs is entitled.” verminiusrex
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, however, I feel for her. Let her know you are there for her and want to plan things with her and that you value your friendship with her, however, be open and honest and let her know there are plans you guys want to make that she won’t be able to participate in.
Acknowledge how bad her situation is but communicate that it feels like she takes a lot of her stress and anger out on you guys and that that isn’t fair to you either. For this specific trip though, I just wouldn’t mention it. She would get FOMO and it would just make things worse, just go without her and then have the conversation.” Melanie8ee
If she doesn't want to listen, then tell her that you will invite her to things but she needs to make her own transport arrangements.
5. AITJ For Wanting To Charge My Adult Siblings For The Food I Buy And Cook?
“We all live at home with our parents and I’m the only one out of my siblings who contribute to food items. My parents also do the majority of the grocery shopping and they have no consideration when it comes to that .. they will have the same food item 5 times a day and finish it (leaving none for me) instead of cooking something else because they both do not like to cook.
When there is little food in the house or only items that need to be cooked (can’t throw in the oven/ air fryer) they complain about there not being any food in the house but refuse to go to the grocery store and buy any items for the house.
They have money for themselves and their extracurriculars but they never have any money to put towards food and they just depend on my parents to always cover food.
Then I come in; I always buy food to make, and I cook at least every day or every other day if there are leftovers.
Then I am expected to share the food I make and buy with my own money with everybody in the house (I don’t mind sharing with my parents). But I feel at this point I’m taking care of grown adults who purposely chose not to contribute because they assume someone else is going to do it, and it’s starting to get to me especially now because I am pregnant.
I want to start charging them if they decide to eat the food I make; because #1 They never contribute #2 They both rarely cook #3 They have no consideration when it comes to the food in the house #4 I’m pregnant — so I should be saving my money for my child instead of taking care of my grown siblings..
Let me know your opinions and what you would do if you were in my shoes.. thanks:)”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your siblings are acting like teenagers, not grown adults. It’s not cool that they just mooch off your parents and you. Especially with the baby coming, you need to be focusing on yourself and your health!
Charging them is fair. Maybe talk to your parents too. They might need a gentle reminder that it’s not okay for your siblings to act this way.” dashing_smiiith
Another User Comments:
“You are NTJ here…but their attitude of ungrateful behavior and expectation of others taking care of them is because of your parents allowing this to continue under their roof.
They need to stand up and tell these grown moochers enough is enough. But as for you…you are not wrong for not wanting to share if they do not help. I would not be making them any kind of food. They need a major attitude adjustment.” Hopeful-Material4123
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. However, why are you not moving out? Regardless, have a family meeting and make some arrangements that you can all agree to. You are all adults. Try just communicating.” OhmsWay-71
4. AITJ For Cancelling My Wedding After Discovering My Fiancé's Affair?
“I (29F) and my now ex-partner (32M) have been together for 5 years and agreed to get married. Time for some backstory.
Me and my partner met at a bar and we immediately hit it off. We texted and went on outings for about 2 months. What I didn’t know back then, he had a partner (22F) of his own who didn’t know about us, and the same thing for me.
So after 2 years, I got suspicious that my partner was always away every other night. I am the financially stable one and supporting him instead of him supporting me. He talked to me about wanting to be a house husband and always trying to practice cooking.
He insisted on it.
Fast forwarding to 2 later he finally agreed to get a job but was a bit moody after coming back from his job (a teacher) I work in finance by the way. And I talked him to not get moody and it felt like I was talking to a 5-year-old to not suck his thumb.
He eventually did get better but stopped being intimate weekly and now it’s more of a once-a-month thing. I did feel bad the first month getting rejected by him but this year we planned things out and it got better. But back to his partner, what his partner explained to me is what I’ll continue with.
He got into an argument with her and threw a tantrum, so that’s why this year he respected me and was intimate with me.
Four Weeks ago. Or what felt like four weeks. We were supposed to have a wedding but! I got a text from a random girl on a social media site that I didn’t know.
She told me that my partner had been unfaithful to her with me from the start of my relationship with her. She broke up with him after finding out about our relationship and wedding. She called me a lot of bad stuff for getting with him in the first place.
So I did something I think I shouldn’t have done, stupid. I told my partner and he denied everything about that but I can tell from his voice he was lying. I broke down crying and went to my parent’s house. I told them I wanted to cancel my wedding for this.
They yelled at me because I told my parents they should do some planning for the wedding because I was bad at that. And I think this is where I think I’m the jerk. My parents had been planning my wedding for about 7 months (December) and so did my partner’s family.
I told them to quiet down and not yell at me, they had enough of me and decided to not talk to me for the whole day. By the way, the whole wedding would’ve cost me around 50k which my parents aren’t contributing to. Just me and my partner.
A lot of people including half my family and all his family are calling me names because my partner spread lies that I left him because of ‘money issues’ As I said I’m financially stable and don’t need to have a man support me in any way, just need a man with a job so they can at least take care of themselves instead of me taking care of a man that doesn’t do anything.
Am I the jerk for canceling my wedding for an unfaithful person or am I overreacting?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your ex was lying to you and being unfaithful to you for YEARS. If your parents want you to be with someone who did this to you then you have terrible parents.
Don’t listen to anyone, take a clean break, and enjoy your life. Use this as a learning experience to not ignore all the warning signs next time.” Independent-Wheel354
Another User Comments:
“I truly don’t understand why you are even asking if you should cancel your wedding with a childish and lazy person being unfaithful.
If you saddled your parents with all the wedding planning, you should help them handle all the cancellations and not expect them to deal with the cleanup. The fact that he has been unfaithful to you throughout your entire relationship is enough of a reason to cancel and you don’t have to bring finances into your explanations at all.
Surely your family does not expect you to stay with a man who was unfaithful to you even before the wedding?” Maximum-Swan-1009
Another User Comments:
“NTJ ALL THE WAY!!!!! CANCEL YOUR WEDDING AND DUMP HIM! You didn’t overreact at all. He wanted to be a househusband (it’s fine because my late husband was Mr. Mom for several years after losing his job) and learned to cook.
He had a job and wasn’t happy? He didn’t want to be intimate with you yet he’s running around with other women. So that tells me about his intention of being a househusband so he could have fun with his future affair partners. Just dump him….you’re better off.
Tell your family just to leave you be. It is your life, not theirs.” MischievousBish
3. AITJ For Yelling At My Sister After Constant Unfair Treatment From My Parents?
“I (16m) have a younger sister (14f). My parents are toxic to me. I don’t know why, I don’t know if I’m some affair baby or a kid they adopted and then they got pregnant with my sister afterward. I don’t know if they wanted a girl.
But my parents are bad parents to me. They are the worst. I know teenagers say that all the time but I am positive my parents despise me.
They’re short-tempered with me, they have no patience for anything I do. If my sister does something wrong, like she breaks something or does her chores badly I get yelled at.
Not her, me. They blame me for her making mistakes and if I make mistakes I get yelled at and punished. They berate me for getting Bs and Cs. They call me stupid. They tell me my sister was more intelligent at 2 than I ever was.
They display her grades on the fridge. They even framed some of them. They’ll boast about us to other people and then tell me I’m an embarrassment when people leave. If I want to do something it’s an automatic no while they say yes to my sister most of the time.
My parents started calling me stupid a few years ago and my sister copied them. She tells me all the time they’re great parents and I should be nicer. She scolds me for complaining about them. She had the nerve to tell me I should be nicer after she broke one of Mom’s vases and mom yelled at me.
She told me Dad was amazing after he pulled the office chair I was sitting on away from the computer and deleted my almost finished homework because he felt like it. I think I called him a jerk and she acted like I was the worst person ever.
My dad’s parents are more aware of the way I’m treated now and they try to spend more time with me and they call Mom and Dad out for it. My sister told me I should defend them.
Last week I was helping a neighbor with some chores.
My mom yells for me to come home and then she yells at me because my sister shrunk the laundry. For like 10 solid minutes she berated me. I got mad and I went up to my room. My sister followed me and told me I needed to stop getting so mad at Mom and Dad.
I told her to go away. She told me how I always act like they’re the worst when they’re the best. I told her they’re the best to her but treat me like garbage. She kept berating me and I kept telling her to leave.
I ended up losing my temper and I yelled at her that I hate her, I hate mom and dad, I wish I didn’t know any of them and the happiest day of my life is when I never have to see them again. I told her she was the worst sister ever and I hoped one-day Mom and dad treat her the way she treats me, I hope she feels as bad about herself as me because I hate her so much and I feel disgusted being around her.
My sister cried so hard. I ended up being sent to my grandparents that same day and I’m still here. My parents sent me a video of my sister crying yesterday and told me that’s what I did.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I was going to ask if you could go to your grandparents, so I think it’s good that you’re there now.
Can you stay there permanently? Your parents sound like jerks. But so much so that I would like to hear with they’re thinking because that behavior is straight-up bizarre. Deleting your homework for no reason? That doesn’t even make sense from a parent because ultimately they’re going to be the ones the school calls if it makes a significant impact on your grades.
What exactly do they say about why they’re such jerks? And I would record (even just the audio) if you do end up having to go back to them, especially when it’s a case of your sister breaking something and you get blamed. Some people are blind to how much of a jerk they are until they watch themselves being lunatic about something.
Then, if you’re lucky, they apologize and try to do better, but stubborn jerks will often double down in their defensiveness. I’m sorry it’s a parental situation for you; if it were a romantic partner, then at least you could break up.
” User
Another User Comments:
“Totally NTJ, honestly I’d threaten them that their beloved daughter will be crying every day if they won’t stop treating me as garbage, that I will treat her the same way as they treat me if they don’t see anything wrong with it.
Or just use this threat to stay with grandparents, also discuss with grands how they can protect you from returning, maybe that can go to court, you old enough to have say at court Sorry that it’s happened to you” Hot-Ambassador4191.
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It sounds like you’re dealing with a tough situation at home. It’s clear that your parents aren’t treating you fairly, and it’s also affecting your relationship with your sister. When you’re under that kind of constant pressure and criticism, it’s hard to handle things perfectly.
Your outburst was a reaction to a lot of pent-up frustration and pain. While it might not have been the best way to express your feelings, your feelings are valid. Your parents need to acknowledge how they’re treating you and how it affects everyone in the family.” Miss_Ellise
2. AITJ For Not Including My Stepmother's Email For School Updates?
“I’m (16m) not back to school yet but yesterday my high school opened for students who wanted to prep for the year ahead.
While I was setting up my locker and confirming my classes I was asked to write my parents emails for the school newsletter and parent updates. I wrote my dad’s email. My mom died when I was 8 so it was always dad’s details only that were given for this stuff.
The reason this is now a big deal is because my dad got married 10 months ago and my dad got the confirmation email but his wife didn’t. They asked me why and I said because I only gave Dad’s email. They wanted to know why I didn’t put both and I said it was for the parents and dad’s my parent.
He has been my only parent since I was 8.
My dad told me I have two parents again and both of them should be included in things like that. I told him he’s my parent and she’s his wife but she’s not my parent. His wife said dad is listed as a parent for her kids.
I said that’s what she and Dad chose to do, and her kids are younger. I told them nothing was stopping them from getting in touch with the school but I wasn’t going to ask for her to be added.
Last night Dad told me I should have added both and to think about his wife’s feelings at being dismissed so quickly by me.
He said she’s willing to be there as a parent for me and I should let her.
For context because I’m sure people will ask. I don’t hate my dad’s wife. They went out for two years before they got married. But I don’t accept her as another parent.
She’s married to my dad. She’s fine. But I won’t be calling them my parents just because they’re married and just because she wants to be my parent.
I woke up this morning and Dad got another email first thing and his wife was upset about it.
She told me I could email the teacher I spoke to yesterday easily and give them her email too.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ I think from your post it’s clear it wasn’t done maliciously to hurt her feelings. You just don’t think of her as a parent, and so when they asked for your parent’s information you put down your dad and only your dad.
Now from a logistics point of view, it might be useful for her to have your school info updates, but as you said they can contact the school and ask for her to be added if they want. Rather than complaining to you, your dad should just call or email them and ask to have his wife added, because you said you were fine with that.
Your dad said you needed to think about his wife’s feelings being dismissed, but I feel like they’re dismissing yours. You don’t feel she is a parent to you yet (or maybe ever), why is that less important to them than her feelings?? There seem to be so many posts from people on this sub from kids/now adults whose parent/step-parent tried to force them to see them a certain way, and it ends up having the opposite effect.” Onetypical
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – The school asked for your parent’s email address(es) and if you don’t consider this person your parent then why on earth would you list them as such? Besides if you are not legally adopted by this other person then legally the school shouldn’t be contacting them for anything concerning you as you are the sole responsibility of your father.
So it’s all good.” PumpkinPowerful3292
Another User Comments:
“NTJ- it sounds like Dad and Stepmom should have sat you down and had a discussion about what you would like. I asked my stepson if I could be a contact; he agreed it was a good idea.
Would you be able to sit the two adults down and have a discussion? Explain your needs/wants and listen to theirs. Maybe there is a compromise/solution here. It may not be bad for step-parent to be on as an emergency, however, that should be discussed first. Good luck in your new year!” Velma88
1. AITJ For Refusing To Return My Sister's Laptop That Was Given To Me As A Punishment?
“I (23f) am starting grad school this year. My laptop recently broke and I couldn’t afford a good one, my mother said my little sister (16f) has been “acting up” recently and not listening and she’d like to give me her laptop since “she’s been horrible lately.”
Now my mother tends to spoil her so it is her fault my sister turned out this way (of course she’ll hear none of it), she has a bad habit of not following through on punishments and “canceling” them when my sister pitches enough of a fit.
I asked my mom “Are you sure you aren’t going to call me later and ask for it back when she pitches a fit? Because if I’m gifted this I’m not giving it back unless you buy me one of equal or greater value.” She said “Yes I’m sure I’ve had enough of her antics” so I went over and picked up the laptop when my sister wasn’t home and that was that or so I thought.
It only took about a day before my mother called me begging for the laptop back because my sister had become unbearable and I said “Are you going to buy me one of equal or greater value?” And she just kept begging for me to bring it back she couldn’t stand it anymore, I told her no she never follows through on disciplining her sister and it’s her fault the way she turned out it’s about time she followed through on a consequence and I’m not giving it back we had this discussion, and it’s her fault for dragging me into this in the first place.
She then screams at me and hangs up and now won’t speak to me.
Dad always gives into whatever mom wants “happy wife happy life” and is telling me to “be the bigger person” and give it back, I said I’m sticking to my guns and he’s sent me several nasty texts and emails because now mom is on his case and he can’t stand it and he’s saying it’s all my fault and this had just hugely blown up.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Everyone’s a jerk here. Your mother is the real jerk here but accepting your sister’s laptop as a “gift” to punish her is kind of weird, you’re too old to be getting involved in this and could have just gotten a laptop within your budget and stayed out of all of this.
You knew it would be exactly as messy as it is but you wanted your sister’s nice laptop anyway.” giraffesinmyhair
Another User Comments:
“YTJ because you are 23 years old and you took your 16-year-old sister’s laptop. What did you expect? Of course, she wants it back.
Does she use it for school? Buy your laptop next time and don’t let your mom give away things that are, essentially, not hers to give. Plus what kind of “punishment” is it to take expensive things from one child and give them to the other?
Stop enabling your mom’s flaky parenting and buy your own devices. ” Serious_Sky_9647
Another User Comments:
“Everyone’s a jerk here your parents suck for giving in easily and you suck for accepting the laptop KNOWING this would happen because you needed one and took advantage of the situation with the deal. It is fine to punish a child by removing their favorite thing but giving it away is not right, it is hers, not yours and she could have very personal stuff in it that she cares about.
You are holding it hostage for a free laptop, give it back they are not your problem.” Shadou_Wolf
