People Attempt Manipulation In These 'Am I The Jerk?' Stories
25. AITJ For Being Upset That My Partner Deleted My TikTok App And Lost My Drafts?
“My partner and I have been together for about 5 months now.
We were also friends for a few months before that. In the time we’ve known each other, we have had so much fun and have made so many amazing memories. We spend almost every day together. I genuinely love being with him. My partner knows I struggle a lot with self-confidence at times.
He is always so reassuring, and sweet and compliments me all the time. I’ve never had someone who reminds me of my beauty as much as he does. I know I also spend far too much time on social media which contributes to some of my struggles.
My partner hardly does. He doesn’t have any social media and what he does have, he doesn’t use very often. He’s always told me that I should try limiting the amount of time I spend and thinks it would help me be more productive and help with my anxiety, overthinking, insecurities, etc. I honestly think it would too, but I continue to use them.
Especially TikTok. He has communicated with me a few times about how he doesn’t like how much I use it. I’ve told him how I would want to try and use it less but I don’t think I could ever delete it because it would be too hard given the amount of time I’m using it right now.
Well, tonight I was over at his place, and at one point he had used my phone for this game we were playing together and he was trying to help me win. I wasn’t paying much attention and was doing something else. But later I noticed I couldn’t find the TikTok app.
I instantly knew he must have deleted it. At first, I just laughed it off. But then I realized how many drafts I had saved to my account and it was no longer funny. I asked him if he deleted it and he told me he did just to see how long it would take me to notice.
I proceeded to tell him how deleting the app gets rid of all my drafts (he was not aware of this since he never uses/doesn’t have TikTok). I had over 1000 drafts. He felt bad right away and kept apologizing.
He told me he only did it to try and prove a point on how often I go on my phone to open the app and really just wanted to help me try and use it less.
I started to cry, only because I realized how many memories I had just lost. He spent all night trying to help me figure out how to get them back, googling things, comforting me, and apologizing multiple times. I know he truly does feel bad, but I can’t help but wonder if I still have a right to feel angry with him for going into my phone and doing something like that without me knowing, even if the intention wasn’t necessarily “malicious”.
Long story short, you can’t recover drafts. So he’s the reason I’m missing 5 years of video memories and I’m sad about it and am not sure how to feel/what to do. It was late so I told him we would talk more about it tomorrow and I just left. I don’t like feeling controlled by anyone and I don’t think that’s what he was trying to do but it still really bothers me and I couldn’t help but be upset with him about it and I still am.”
Another User Comments:
“He took control of something that he had no place in. He’s deciding he knows better than you and he acted without even discussing it with you. Is this what you want for the rest of your life? What about a place to live?
What if he cancels your lease because he’s over the apartment? What if he deletes your contacts from your phone because he thinks that those people aren’t worthy of you? What if he decides your job is not the right job for you so he phones HR and quits for you?
Who is he to take action on something that doesn’t concern him in the least? He’s replacing his judgment for yours and I think that is a clear dealbreaker. I don’t even know you and I think you can do better than him.
NTJ” Straight_Coconut_317
Another User Comments:
“What he did was wrong. You’ve explained to him how bad the consequences are. He understands that. He has responded with appropriate regret. But it’s understandable that, since the consequences were so dire, you still feel a sense of loss and betrayal. I’d suggest using this as a teaching moment to establish boundaries.
It wasn’t just the loss of the memories, it was his lack of respect for your property and your choices. You can continue to grieve what happened. But if you are going to continue with the relationship, it’s probably best to accept his apology and try to forgive his blunder.” ThatguyIncognito
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and I guarantee you this won’t be the last controlling thing that he does. It WAS with malicious intent; the fact that he didn’t hide it is irrelevant; plenty of abusive and controlling people are blatant about their actions to condition you into thinking there’s nothing wrong with their behavior.
It’s “just” the pictures now, but I bet you’ll be finding other red flags soon enough.” wetcherri
24. AITJ For Feeling Disrespected After My Family Ate Thanksgiving Dinner Without Me?
“So, first and foremost, I’m going to say I am a people pleaser. I am trying to work through that and I think that’s why I may be feeling like I’m the jerk or entitled. I’m here to see if I am making mountains out of molehills.
So I have no contact with my entire family. After years of mistreatment, the minute MY children were targeted, I went no contact and that was that. I even legally changed my name. That said, we do all our holiday stuff with my husband’s family.
Now, we were a military family and my husband got out two years ago so that’s about as long as we’ve been dealing with this type of thing.
Yesterday, Thanksgiving, we were at the function and my MIL had brought her press-on nail collection so everyone was going through that.
I realized that I had forgotten the deviled eggs. No one was ready to eat and none of the food was out yet so I decided to run home and get them. I live a few minutes down the road. I was gone for less than 20 minutes.
When I came back, everyone was just about done eating and about three people made comments about the “party foul” I committed by forgetting the eggs. I’ll be honest, my feelings were extremely hurt. I did not say a word, I sat down for maybe 10 minutes before my husband’s grandmother called out to me from across the room by my old name asking if should take the rest of the eggs home.
My husband corrected her with my new name and she responded with “I’m not calling her that she will be *old name* for me.” (mind you this woman has known me in person for only 2 years) This is the same woman who asked me if they “left another one in there” the day I came home from the hospital after having my second child.
He and my MIL both got on her and at that point my husband and I packed us and the kids up and left.
I feel blatantly disrespected. If the food was out and everyone was ready to eat, I wouldn’t have gone to get the eggs or I wouldn’t have been upset that they went ahead and ate.
It was the fact that in the 20 minutes I was gone they took all the food out, displayed it, fixed all their plate, and then ate without having everyone there. I think it upsets me because I would never have done that as a host, I postponed the festivities at my children’s birthday party because the same family members who hosted Thanksgiving were late to their party and I didn’t want them to miss out.
I feel that it’s super inconsiderate.
*before someone says “Well why didn’t your husband say something when they started fixing plates?” He wasn’t paying attention and was talking to his mom’s new bf. It was his FIRST family function with us and he made the turkey and these people COMPLAINED that his blackened Cajun turkey was “burned” – it wasn’t…it was phenomenal.
Am I right to feel disrespected or am I being entitled right now?”
Another User Comments:
“The concept that I’m old so I get to say whatever I want needs to go. It’s extremely narcissistic for people to be cruel for the sake of enjoyment or superiority.
Remember, you teach others how to treat you. So don’t allow yourself to be used this way again. It may be time for your family to develop holiday traditions that are kind and welcoming. Then you can invite those who will support those efforts.” Jaded-Moose983
Another User Comments:
“Your story doesn’t make sense. No one could’ve known you would have had to leave the house once you got there. No food was put out when you left but in 20 min the food was served and eaten by everyone including kids.
Either you’re grossly exaggerating the time or your in-laws hate you. Who finishes eating in 20 minutes, let alone a whole family? Not enough info to pass judgment.” Majestic_Register346
23. AITJ For Not Spending Thanksgiving With My Dad After He Prioritizes His New Partner's Family?
“I (28F) got into a fight before Thanksgiving with my dad (60M) and ended up not going to his partner’s house this year.
He met this woman a year ago and I have had very few chances to truly get to know her.
I’ve been upset as my dad has been different since being with her. He seems more judgmental with her and will barely speak to my sister and me. He laughs and jokes like it’s no big deal with her and then is mute and distant to us.
I don’t ever get alone time with my dad. We have a very small family and after our grandma died, it was just me, my sister, and him. I liked our small family and was never used to a massive family. The past year I have tried multiple times to blend and mingle with his partner’s family.
Her adult children always treat us as if we are awkward, beneath them, etc. These gatherings are awkward and I’m no longer having fun with family holidays.
My dad has barely contacted us outside of these gatherings. A once caring father who would try to host Sunday dinners together and call us to check in now does none of this and spends all of his time with his partner and her family.
Frankly, it feels like he’s found a new family and seems happier with them.
I’ve been patient but this past Wednesday I was fed up. I asked my dad about the Tday plans since I hadn’t heard a thing and said I was assuming we weren’t spending it together.
When I found out the details I told my dad I felt uncomfortable, overwhelmed with the last minute plans. I told him I felt like it would be more comfortable to just stay home with my husband and have dinner to ourselves. He went off on me saying “Whatever, you should just know by now what the plans are” and was upset at the idea of me not going.
We also wouldn’t be able to go until 5 pm and everyone would have eaten around 1 pm. It just felt out of place showing up hours late somewhere we don’t even feel welcome.
The plans have been the same for the past 20+ years and suddenly they change yet it’s my fault I don’t just know this.
I tried to explain to him how that was unreasonable and he told me “Sounds like someone needs to grow up.”
This is where I went off on him and told him I’ve been patient with him for too long but I’m fed up now.
I said his head is too far up his partner and her family’s backside to see how this is affecting his daughters and he seems content with his new family. I told him I don’t even feel like I have a dad anymore at this point.
I was met with guilt-tripping from him about how I made him cry and my sister about how life is fleeting. For further context, my dad has a 70% heart blockage and refuses to get medical treatment so we don’t even know when our last day will be with him.
I felt like I had to keep my sanity and maintain my boundaries. The guilt is getting to me though and I am wondering if I was too harsh with what I said and how I lashed out. I also have never missed a holiday with my dad and this was the first time that broke my heart.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“No, you are not the jerk. Many men do this after divorce or the loss of a spouse trying to fit into the new family. You have a family now. Use your existing traditions in your own home. Invite your family.
If they don’t come, that’s their problem. Then invite friends who you are closer to. There is more to family than blood. Let your dad and sister know you love them but are not comfortable with going to strangers’ homes and pretending. At minimum Dad should alternate years.
1 at hers 1 at his.” BGS2204
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You might have gone overboard, and you can apologize for that, but you should tell him how you feel and maybe offer some ideas about getting some time to connect on one. Don’t stop trying to connect to the partner, but it’s understandable to want to keep your relationship with Dad as well!
And it’s ok if her kids never feel like siblings… sometimes family is just people you have to see every so often. Offer some curiosity and don’t take their opinions personally. At some point or other many people start having some holidays with their own nuclear family or friends or in-laws.
There’s some guilt the first time but it’s a pretty normal development. I’m sorry it seems to have happened due to poor communication this time.” Grouchy-Mulberry-339
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. My dad met my stepmom when I was 2. She had 3 kids and then they had one together.
As soon as my sister and I left the house we were barely a second thought. Now if we bring up how we’re not included or not heard, it’s an onslaught of excuses. In my experience, it gets old begging for love, but it’s up to you to decide where you are in that journey 70% blockage is concerning, but we have multiple arteries so one being partially blocked isn’t a guaranteed death sentence, it does mean he is at risk for a major event so your concern is warranted. But I’ve seen patients with multiple vessels over 70% doing just fine for years.
Just saying this so it can maybe ease the guilt you have and you can see clearer about what you want. Perhaps he will come around in time. Perhaps you won’t want him to. Perhaps he’s in a honeymoon phase and he’ll be seeing clearer one day, and it’ll all work out.
I wish you luck I know it’s tough” Sarahtonin12691
22. AITJ For Exposing A Creepy Regular At The Bar I Work At?
“I (25f) work in a small town bar.
The majority of the customers are from the town. I started working there 3 years ago when it was taken over by a new owner. It went from an old man’s bar to a more modern bar. The regular customers that drink there have been there for years.
There is one particular group that I am very fond of. It is a group of 7 people. 5 men and 2 women. The problem is one of the members, ‘T’, is a creep. Like a really big creep.
For some context on T, nobody knows anything about his background.
He is not originally from the town, if I had to give a guess on an age I’d say maybe 50.
About 2 years ago there was a young girl(18) who was a waitress. We would talk to this whole group, all the same, we thought they were nice so didn’t think much else.
T organizes competitions in the bar. Everyone entering the competition is in a WhatsApp group chat, so he has everyone’s number. T would text the waitress random things. Then one night while she was working he tried to kiss her. She freaked out and called me the next day and I told her to report it to our supervisor.
He wasn’t around for a bit, he came back, and she quit. One night she came in, and he kept trying to pull her to speak to him. She said no, and went out to the smoking area. He followed her kept apologizing, and asked if they could meet for coffee so he could explain.
She said no, she forgives him, but wants him to leave her alone.
A year later, he sent a birthday card to her house, saying things like “Happy birthday angel”, “miss and love you loads” and “See you soon?” And didn’t sign his own name.
He did the same this year. Apparently, he’d also text some of the young girls from the WhatsApp group links to love songs at 3:00 am.
So this brings us to the weekend just gone. I was speaking with another member of the group, “G”.
I passed a comment on T being a creep, and he asked me why. So I told him this story and he looked horrified. He said he had heard about the kiss thing off of T, and that it was in a different location, and pretty much it was her coming onto him.
G said he was thinking of distancing himself from T already, and this gave him more of a reason.
While at work last night, another member “N”, asked if could he speak to me. He said G had told him about things that T has done, and that he is disgusted. They do not want to associate with somebody like that.
The members of that group are old enough to be the girl’s fathers and we should feel safe with them, not uncomfortable. He said he and G wanted to have a meeting with my supervisor, as they didn’t want someone like that in the bar.
T seems to get along with everyone, and I now feel like I was wrong to say anything in the first place. I didn’t realize they didn’t know. They said they wouldn’t mention me, so I don’t need to worry, however, they can’t sit back when this is not okay.
AITJ for telling these people that their friend is a creep?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ creeps need to be called out on their behavior, preferably by their friends. One girl already quit her job, which she may have needed and enjoyed because of him. You are protecting yourself and future coworkers.
Politeness goes out the window when you’re dealing with a creep.” likeahike
Another User Comments:
“NTJ people have a right to feel safe in public places and warning people about potential creeps is the first step to dodging a bullet. If you hadn’t warned someone, that friend could have done much worse like assaulting someone then it would be on you.
All you are doing is stopping it before it gets the chance to start.” Fun-Competition8210
21. AITJ For Not Wanting To Pay My Mother-In-Law's Full Rent When My Sister-In-Law Can't Contribute?
“My mother-in-law rents an apartment for $1,500/month, but her savings are running out, and she can no longer afford it.
This was expected, and my wife and her sister always planned to support her when the time came—splitting the cost at $750 each per month.
My wife and I have money saved to cover our share.
Here’s the issue: my sister-in-law (SIL) recently decided to send her son to an expensive college in the U.S. (we’re not from the U.S.), even though he could attend excellent schools in Europe for a fraction of the cost. Now, SIL says she can’t afford her $750 share, doesn’t want to dip into her savings, and knows we have more money set aside.
As an alternative, SIL suggested that my MIL live with each of us for six months at a time. This is complicated because we live in different countries, and my MIL’s health makes international travel and health insurance a challenge.
Another factor is that my SIL housed my MIL for six years before she moved into her current apartment (we were living abroad at the time).
Although my MIL covered most of her expenses during that period, SIL believes she contributed more than my wife did and feels we should now pay a larger share.
Am I the jerk for thinking it’s unfair for me to shoulder the full $1,500? My wife doesn’t work and expects me to pay for everything, partly because her sister helped more in the past and housed their mom for six years.
This situation could last at least five years since SIL’s son won’t graduate until 2029—and possibly longer if he pursues a law degree or master’s.
I offered to pay the full $1,500 for five years if SIL agreed to pay me back gradually after her son finished college (with no interest), but she refused. I also suggested splitting the cost 66/33, which she also declined. SIL’s husband has money, but she refuses to involve him, saying she works and earns her own income.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ for how you asked the question, but that doesn’t mean you can demand your sister-in-law keeps paying half when she has said she can’t afford it right now. Her higher priority is to her own children. She’s allowed to make that decision.
Your wife can get a job to pay for her mom’s apartment. Her mom can move in with you. Or maybe her mom can move into a less expensive living situation. This is something you’ll have to discuss with your wife and decide. You aren’t the jerk for not wanting to pay for it by yourself.
But you would be the jerk if you keep pressuring your sister-in-law to pay when she has already determined she can’t afford to and she’s not willing to while her kids are in college. It sounds like you want her to force her kid to go to a different school, have her kid forced to take on loans or force her to take on debt.
You don’t get to decide that for her. You get to figure out what you and your wife are willing and able to do/spend on your mother-in-law and go from there.” RulerOfNyaNyaLand
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Someone else in this post suggested you give the $750 and tell them to figure out the rest. I agree.
But you also need to be clear that no more money will be coming from your household. And you and your wife need to be on the same page. It is great that your wife recognizes her sister helped her when she was younger. But that has nothing to do with Mom.
Sis is choosing how to spend her money. That is her right. You have the same right. Her son going to college or her vacations and new cars are irrelevant to her mother’s situation Talk with your wife about her sense of obligation to her sister.
If she wants to pay sis back in some way, she should. But that is a separate issue. Sis has no right to back away from Mom and place the entire burden on your wife and your family Good luck.” Caroline0541
20. AITJ For Refusing To Attend My Dad's Thanksgiving Due To Racist Comments?
“Every year my (33f) stepmom sends a group text to my siblings and all of her family. She usually asks about how many people will be attending and the usual of what dish you want to bring.
I hate being in group texts and usually ignore them to text her separately.
A little backstory, my dad married my stepmom maybe 6/7 years ago so I’m not super familiar with all of her family and their phone numbers. Previously I’ve had issues with her family not accepting my siblings and myself around the holidays.
I usually go because my dad wants me there and he’s the only parent I have. My mom passed away about 10 years ago this December. Ever since my dad married my stepmom she has said things to me about not wanting to take my mom’s place.
Cool. But she likes drama and talks about me and my siblings behind our backs.
Back to the texting, someone sent a photo of a black Santa in the group text and said they would only come if the Santa was white. I instantly was appalled and my sister (28) replied that she wouldn’t be attending Thanksgiving this year and was leaving the group chat for obvious reasons.
As soon as she left the group chat they kept talking about how my sister was fragile. I instantly blocked the texts (not sure how to get them back to show them). I texted my dad separately and told him I would also not be attending Thanksgiving and just left it at that.
My dad has not talked to me about the issue and I have refused to answer his calls.
So AITJ for not wanting to attend Thanksgiving at my dad’s because of racism and feeling unsafe?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ I strongly believe that not saying anything when people are obviously racist, sexist, or otherwise discriminatory is as good as supporting that behavior.
I wouldn’t want to be around those people either. If your father wants to arrange a separate meal with you and your sister, maybe that would be a good alternative.” Forward-Wear7913
Another User Comments:
“Well, then your brother can go listen to everything that they say about you.
Do you know if your dad stands up for you and your sister? NTJ Tell your dad that he knows why you and your sister aren’t coming. Do you live nearby? Close enough to invite your dad and sister to lunch? If so and you want to see him when he asks about her coming just say something like “I haven’t seen just you for a long time.
Is it ok if she stays home this time?” Ignore your brother.” Mulewrangler
Another User Comments:
“I stopped seeing my dad and his new family for the same reason, they are racist. I hate sitting around listening to them talk about certain races being disgustingly or dirty and honestly, when it’s entrenched family behavior there is so little one person can do to stop it, and then you spend the holidays feeling bad and being ostracised. I still talk on the phone to my dad.
He would be devastated to find out I have a partner and stepkid, extended family, etc but I don’t tell him and I keep them separated because my partner is not white.” lift_ride_repeat
19. AITJ For Not Wanting To Invite My Cousins To My All-Girls Birthday Party?
“I’m turning 16 in a few days, but I’ll be celebrating in two weeks with a private gathering of me and six of my closest friends.
The issue started when I told my parents who I wanted to invite to the celebration (if it could even be called a party). I named six of my friends (all girls) but didn’t include my cousins, Aaron (16M) and Ethan (17M).
My dad got really upset because he’s very close with their parents and believes I should be close with them too, especially since they’re my age and my first cousins.
We used to be really close, especially Aaron and me—we were like siblings—but about a month ago, things changed. The three of us had an issue involving our parents where Ethan lied a lot and tried to shift the blame onto me. Aaron and Ethan are best friends, so Aaron has kind of distanced himself from me since then.
My dad told me there wouldn’t be a birthday celebration at all if I didn’t invite Aaron and Ethan. I’d be willing to suck it up and invite them for one day if it keeps the peace, but here’s the bigger problem:
- I’m inviting Sarah (15F), who is Ethan’s ex and doesn’t like Aaron at all (and the feeling is mutual).
- I’m also inviting Uma (14F), who doesn’t get along with either Ethan or Aaron (and they don’t like her either).
- Emy (16F), another friend I’m inviting, used to be best friends with Ethan’s current partner, Kennedy (18F). Emy and Kennedy had a major falling-out over something involving Ethan. While they’ve recently patched things up and don’t hate each other anymore, they’re still not friends.
There’s no way I’m disinviting any of my friends—they’re my closest people, and this is my birthday. But now I’m stuck. If I have to invite Aaron and Ethan, should I also invite Kennedy? We’re friends, and she’s really nice, but I hesitated to include her because of her history with Emy.
How can I resolve this with my dad? Should I invite Kennedy? And is there any way to manage the drama between my friends and my cousins? I feel completely lost—any advice would help.”
Another User Comments:
“I would try to sit down and have a convo with your dad, and if that doesn’t work just go hang out with your friends don’t really have a party but just go to a mall or something maybe ice skating.
Tell your parents it’s just a hangout, so they can’t really say no. It’s your birthday you shouldn’t have to feel pressured to invite them especially if you guys are not on good terms. But on another note, it might be good to talk with them as well maybe you can figure things out and all become good again?” No_Storage_2657
Another User Comments:
“NTJ… your cousins are boys and you are inviting six girls, your cousins do not have to be invited to everything. If dad wants you to have a relationship then you can do so but that doesn’t mean you have to invite them to your birthday party.
Sit down and talk with Dad and let him know why you wouldn’t mind seeing them again, your birthday party is not the time to do it. You are turning 16 and are a girl and inviting five other girls and are planning to do girls’ things.
Does he want to come and participate with the girl things? Then why would he think your male cousins would want to do the same?” Worth-Season3645
18. AITJ For Lying To My Mom About My Thanksgiving Plans To Avoid Conflict?
“I (31 F) am the oldest of 3 sisters and our parents have been divorced for about 20 years (since my youngest sister was one). It wasn’t a pleasant divorce and my parents do not communicate with each other and have not been in the same room until my wedding almost 2 years ago.
Through the divorce agreement, my sisters and I always alternated holidays as children (if we spent one year Christmas Day with my father the following year we would spend Christmas Day with my mom, and so on and so forth).
My father got remarried about 10 years ago to my stepmother and I am lucky to have a good relationship with her and her family.
This means my now husband and I started getting invited to her family’s holiday gatherings as we have gotten close with my stepmom’s family during holidays spent at my father’s house. It was during this time that I (now in my 20’s) decided that I would like to spend some holidays with my father and stepmom’s family instead of just my mother’s side.
It’s not that I don’t love my mother but her side of the family lives far away and for the holidays it’s just her and her partner (not our favorite cup of tea) and my sisters if they decide to spend it with my mom also.
Unfortunately, my decision to spend that first holiday (Easter) at my stepmom’s family’s home brought out the ugly in my mom. I gave her plenty of notice that I wouldn’t be around this holiday and when I told her I would be spending it with my father and stepmom’s family instead she lost her temper.
Told me I was selfish and I have always loved them more and canceled plans we had to spend time together for our birthdays later that month.
This has become a pattern over the last few years when I would alternate holidays outside of her home with her making me feel like a jerk and then forgiving her after not speaking for a while.
Well, this Thanksgiving my husband invited my in-laws and his grandparents to my father’s house, they live 3 hours away and I’m pregnant with our first baby and traveling is getting tougher on me. We spent last Thanksgiving part of the day with my mom and my dad is having quite a large gathering this year.
I lied to my mom about my Thanksgiving plans and said we were traveling up to see my in-laws this year. I just don’t need the added stress and am trying to avoid it. I keep expecting different results.
Like I’m a 31-year-old with a husband and a baby on the way and I have to lie to my mother about my life because she flies off the handle.
I mean I told her we weren’t going to be around because we were spending the holiday with my husband’s family which is the truth….we are just gathering at my father’s house.
Well, now I am feeling guilty and waiting for the bomb to drop if she finds out I’m at my dad’s house.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“You’re NTJ, but this is going to do nothing to solve your problem. Tell your mother her behavior makes you less inclined to spend holidays with her, and if she wants that to change, then she needs to treat you like an adult with some respect and understand that you have TWO parents you want to spend time with for the holidays.
And then don’t give in to her guilt trips. She sounds like a child who needs to learn a lesson, and she won’t right now because you keep giving in to her tantrums.” fiestafan73
Another User Comments:
“If you lie then YTJ. You’re over 30 years old, a married woman with a baby on the way.
Just tell the truth. Lying never helps matters and adds tons of stress. And it isn’t necessary, telling the truth is always easier in the long run. Be kind, telling the truth doesn’t need to be cruel. But don’t sugarcoat things either, be direct and compassionate, and then let the chips fall where they may.
Doing the right thing should never be mourned, no matter the outcome.” toreyj01
Another User Comments:
“NTJ at all. It doesn’t sound like there is anything to be gained in being honest with your mother. As adults, we all do this whenever it’s necessary. Your mother no longer deserves the “truth” of the situation, she lost her rights to that a long time ago.
Would it be better to put you both through emotional trauma for the sake of honesty? Absolutely not IMO – what a waste of both of your times. You’re doing the RIGHT thing for everyone’s sake.” tarahlynn
17. AITJ For Standing My Ground Against My Mom's Manipulation Before My Marriage?
“I (23M) am in the military and am about to propose to my partner (23F) Gloria on this next block of leave.
I visited my mom and dad with Gloria for leave last year and it didn’t turn out well because my mom made it all about her and left a bad impression on Gloria and put me in a situation where I had to stick up for Gloria.
I am an only child and was a mama’s boy but I wasn’t about to let my mother disrespect her like that. Ever since then, Gloria has been hesitant about any meeting with my mom. Gloria and my dad get along well but ever since my mother disrespected her their relationship is rocky.
I told my mom that I was proposing to Gloria. She was supportive, but very sad that we weren’t having a wedding due to me being military. It’ll be easier and cheaper for us both if we elope so that she can go with me to my next duty station.
I also told her that I wouldn’t be visiting home that I wanted to focus on our relationship and that I wanted to meet Gloria’s family while I was on this leave block. She keeps trying to convince me to visit home and have Thanksgiving with the family, even though I’ve been to Thanksgiving at home every year prior.
She also keeps passive-aggressively blaming Gloria for not visiting. I let her know a month in advance that I already spent 2K on a trip back to the US and what dates I would be able to see them before I visited Gloria’s family and she kept trying to get me to buy a plane ticket across the US to visit and keeps guilt tripping me for standing my ground and saying I want this period to be about me and Gloria since we are going to be newlyweds.
My mom tried saying she would pay for my ticket but not Gloria’s and I told her I wouldn’t do that and she kept pushing and saying I wasn’t making an effort even though I told her my availability ahead of time.
If I let her pay for my ticket and keep letting her do this then it’s going to enable this behavior in the future.
Am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“Former military here: nip this stuff in the bud now or your mommy will demand you spend all your leave with them. You are going to want to travel and do things in the various places you are stationed at and SHOULD!
Enjoy this aspect of the military ND with the friends you and your wife will make. Be young because you are only young once. Also? Planes and roads travel in both directions.” iloveducks101
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, you sound like you have your priorities in the right place.
Actually, my answer would be the same even if there was no friction between your mom and your fiancee. Your mom is just going to have to realize that you are an adult now, you have commitments to a career and a relationship, and she and Dad simply do not have the top claim on your free time anymore.” CoverCharacter8179
16. AITJ For Wanting A Service Dog Despite My Brother's Partner's Disapproval?
“I (18F) have been talking to my psychiatrist lately about getting a service dog for my chronic anxiety.
We began talking about this 6 months ago and I have been doing a ton of research about service dogs.
About a month ago my brother’s partner began staying with us out of nowhere, not even asking my mom for permission and my mom wanted her out, because my brother was going into the military and we were moving to a 2 bedroom apartment down the street from my college.
Plans have changed and now she’s pregnant and my mom is willing to let her stay. To say this girl is annoying is an understatement, she cries over EVERYTHING and has been extremely rude to me all because I accidentally sent her mail back, I need glasses and apologized when I realized I read the name wrong but she still constantly insults me.
We were doing another apartment tour for a 3-bedroom. I was asking the office lady about breed restrictions, ESA, and service dogs and if they need proof. When my brother’s partner overheard us she interrupted saying how she doesn’t want a dog to live with us and at that time I ignored her because I really don’t care what she wants, she’s not even supposed to be living with us…
Yesterday I was puppy-sitting my dad’s dogs (A French mastiff who she already met because he used to live with us) and a puppy Chihuahua. When she saw the dogs she began to scream and cry which was super annoying and loud and both dogs were literally in my room sleeping.
Now my mom doesn’t want me to get the service dog saying I’m just faking it and to just go outside and meet people, but I’m dead set on this since all my doctors already approved.
So, WIBTJ if I still get a service dog even when she doesn’t like them?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Don’t sign the lease, say you’ll move out, and see how quickly they will change their position. The girl doesn’t pay anything, and your mother pays less for the rent than you. Don’t put your name in a contract with people you already have issues with.
Living with entitled people is a pain. The girl doesn’t pay a single dime and thinks it is okay to insult you, the one paying part of her bills.” SuspiciousAmoeba12
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You’re getting a needed medical assistance animal, not a pet. Not getting one isn’t an option.
You’re seriously being taken advantage of. Don’t sign the lease. Find your own place. Don’t tell them until you’ve signed the lease. As an adult you no longer need mom’s permission for anything. You’re informing them as a courtesy. If they’re the type to damage your belongings don’t tell them until the day you move out.” ApprehensiveBook4214
15. AITJ For Skipping Ahead In The Queue At The Halloween Store?
“My husband (41M), daughter (8F), and I (40F) went to Spirit of Halloween for some decorations. When we were ready to check out we walked toward the registers. The store has a queue set up for the line to trap you with all sorts of little last-minute impulse buys.
As we enter the queue, there is a solo woman in front of us slowly meandering, looking at all the items.
My daughter stopped to look at something so we paused. When we turned back, the woman had stepped up into a corner where the queue turned and was looking at some items. She was facing away from us.
We walked up behind her and awkwardly paused behind her for probably about 20 seconds. I slid slightly in front of her where I thought she could see me trying to catch her eye.
At this point, there is no one at the front of the line, just two parties at the registers.
I pause another 10 seconds waiting for her to either notice or motion us ahead. My husband shrugged his shoulders at me, so I just walked to the front of the queue. She is still clearly shopping at the point where I make the decision.
When I get to the queue, she huffs a breath and is staring daggers at me.
I said, “Oh, I thought you were shopping. Go ahead,” and motioned to the front. She responded in a snide tone along the lines of “Oh, no, you’re already there, might as well go.”
AITJ here? If the roles were reversed, I would either (a) be cognizant of holding up people who were ready to check out, or (b) motion people ahead of me if I was not done shopping.
What I would not do is expect the people behind me to wait while I finish my shopping in the line. Yes, I probably could have said, “Excuse me” but it was strange – like her body language was she was purposely avoiding us so I just assumed she did not want to engage.
I’m totally second-guessing myself.”
Another User Comments:
“So you couldn’t just ask her if she is next in line and explain you don’t want to jump ahead of anybody. Sounds like she was waiting her turn and captivated by all the items surrounding her.
I would have assumed she was distracted. You expected her to notice you creeping up behind her. It was on you to be sure. Going with YTJ.” pensaha
14. AITJ For Refusing To Show Affection Towards My Family Due To Past Trauma?
“For some backstory, I (20F) was a very energetic, social, and loving kid. At age 11 I went through some trauma that made my personality do a complete 180. I became very closed off, sheltered, and depressed. The trauma was physical so I physically could no longer touch/hug anyone without cringing and feeling dirty.
It was also at the hands of a close family member so I couldn’t get myself to say the words “I love you” anymore. As said before I am 20 now, and my entire family has gone 9 years without touching me or being told they are loved by me.
Oddly it’s only a family issue or when my family is around. If I’m alone with friends or a partner I have no problem with hugging and saying I love them. My family has rarely mentioned this being an issue and when it does come up it’s just small comments like “Can I have a hug” or “I can’t even get a hug for [holiday]” to which I just reply no and we move on.
However, this is now a bigger issue. At dinner earlier today I was talking about my job and mentioned how I love my boss and my mom said “You can say you love your boss but not your mother? That doesn’t make sense” and my response was “I just can’t” and it escalated to a whole argument about how it’s been 9 years and she deserves it and all I could say was I just can’t.
I don’t have an explanation for why I am this way, for the most part, I have moved on from the trauma but for some reason, this issue remains. I can imagine the hurt of not touching or being loved by your child but under the circumstances, I thought it was understandable.
I understand her feelings but I physically cannot bring myself to do those things, I have no idea what type of reaction I would have if I did but I doubt it would be good. So AITJ? And if I am, how do you suggest working through the issue?”
Another User Comments:
“I can relate to you in some ways. I’ve dealt with trauma throughout most of my life, but much of it stemmed from mistreatment in childhood. I also had a difficult time telling anybody I loved them (except for my kids) and didn’t feel comfortable even saying it back to my mom until late in adulthood.
If these family members are connected to your trauma in some way, this could explain a lot. When we deal with this kind of treatment from family members, our feelings are invalidated, or when things are swept under the rug, it often leads to feelings of betrayal and resentment.
With that said, whatever it is, I totally get it and understand. If I can make a suggestion, therapy may help a lot if you decide to seek someone out. I’ve been going through therapy and psychiatry for many years due to PTSD, and it has been such a wonderful thing in my life.
It has helped me work through healing from the trauma in ways that I couldn’t before I got help. Either way, NTJ. Like my psychiatrist always says, if someone hasn’t been through it, they’ll never understand.” CyclonicHavoc
Another User Comments:
“NTJ You’re an adult.
Stand your ground. Your body. Your feelings. Your boundaries. It’s all up to you, not them. I don’t say “I love you” to my parents due to similar reasons. I’m okay with them, but I limit contact. I’m not saying you should limit contact, but it works for me because I get stressed around my parents sometimes.
Other people here suggest you should try therapy, and I agree. Surround yourself with people who actually care and respect you as well. You’re young. Live how you want to. Good luck.” SerBeeb
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. Can’t see how people are saying NTJ as that would mean your mother/family are jerks when they seem to have been extremely patient and accommodating for many years.
What you’re doing is perfectly understandable and unintentionally hurtful so I don’t think you’re a jerk. However, they aren’t either since this is very hurtful even though it’s understandable and unintentional. Of course, they’re going to react sometimes to being hurt.” liljackiejnr
13. AITJ For Refusing To Clean My Parents' Spare Room That I Don't Use?
“I’m F21, I live alone. My parents and sister all live together in the next town over.
They had a 3bd house custom built but it took years longer than expected. It was supposed to be done in 2019-2020, but it was finally done in 2022.
I moved out for school in 2021 so I never actually got to live there.
One of the bedrooms was supposed to be mine, but like I said I moved out before it was finished. Now it’s just their spare room for guests and some extra storage.
I have a few things in there like spare clothes and stuff, but it’s like one drawer’s worth of items.
My grandparents are visiting in a few days and they will be staying in there. My mom has asked me to come over and clean it up.
I work a full-time job in the nighttime and also have a side job for extra money. Of course I could make time, but there are other factors.
So my sister uses “my” room for crafting and clothing storage sometimes. More of her stuff is in there than mine.
All the stuff to clean is hers. Also, she lives there and doesn’t work so it would make more sense for her or my parents to clean it.
Instead, everyone got annoyed when I said I could come over last weekend because I had plans.
Not work plans, but still. They said I need to come over and do it by the day they come, but I have a lot going on and just don’t see why it’s MY responsibility.
I could just suck it up and do it, and I probably will.
But the point is that I think there are more convenient ways to get it done, without me having to get up early in the day (for me) while they’re home to go clean a room I didn’t make a mess in.
I didn’t like to lash out or anything, I just told them I work the next few days and had plans last weekend.
They’re just annoyed and upset that my grandparents will be here soon and it’s still not done.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ They are trying to take advantage of your feeling like you need to doubt yourself or make nice. Perhaps you should go take away everything that is yours and cheerfully inform them that what’s left is your sister’s so she’d know best where to put it and leave.
Alternatively, you can just scoop up your sister’s stuff and pile it in a box that you could stuff in the garage. After all, they wanted you to “clean the room”, not “clean up for your sister” latent
Another User Comments:
“NTJ It’s not fair for your family to expect you to clean a room that you didn’t use, especially when your sister lives there and contributes to the mess.
You’ve got a lot on your plate with work and other commitments, and it seems much more logical for someone who lives there (like your sister) to clean it. If you do help, it should be out of kindness, not obligation…..” scarlettlovexo_
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Take your drawer’s worth of stuff back to your place so there is nothing of yours left there. If you do decide to clean the room, inform your sister that if she cares about any of her items then she better put them away because otherwise it will all be put into a big garbage bag and placed in the garage…..
You will not be sorting anything out or putting anything away.” KitchenDismal9258
12. AITJ For Wanting To Tell My Mom About Our Foster Sister's Struggles?
“For context, I live in a country where ‘foster care’ is prevalent, though it’s not formal foster care. When low-income families can’t afford to care for their children, they often give them to wealthier families.
These families cover schooling, food, and shelter in exchange for help around the house.
In this case, my grandma had a foster daughter, K, who helped out in her shop. When my grandma moved to Canada, K had nowhere to go, and her family couldn’t take her back.
So, my mom, being the eldest child, took responsibility for K, even though she was reluctant. We only have four bedrooms, and it would be another mouth to feed. K had already applied to university, and without my mom paying the tuition and dorm fees, she wouldn’t have been able to attend.
Now, K comes back to our house during every university holiday. She helps out around the kitchen, mainly washing dishes, though she wasn’t specifically asked to do so—it seems more out of courtesy. She also cooks with us since it’s expected for women to be in the kitchen in our culture.
Recently, K got a nanny job, and she works weekdays, coming home by 5 p.m.
One day, after my mom returned from a conference, she asked K to cook dinner. I passed by the kitchen and overheard K on the phone, crying. She was telling her friend how my mom doesn’t give her a moment of peace.
She mentioned she hadn’t even had time to shower before being asked to cook. This surprised me, as it’s rare for her to be asked to cook since I usually prep meals during my university break.
Now, I’m wondering, WIBTJ if I told my mom what I overheard?
I don’t want to snitch, just let my mom know so she can take it easy on K. But I’m unsure how she’ll react. She might get defensive, saying things like, “I pay for her uni fees, her dog, her phone, her clothes, and even though everything’s more expensive now, she still lives here for free.” I’m worried she might stop supporting K if she gets upset, though my mom is usually very kind.
I just don’t know how she’ll react.”
Another User Comments:
“YWBTJ. I suggest you keep this to yourself. Maybe K had a bad day or was simply very tired having gone to school and then to work. If you tell your mom, especially given the ‘reluctance’ you mention she’s had at having to care for K, it could backfire.
You can try to influence your mom more subtly if you feel she’s being too demanding of K, or otherwise try to support and be kind to K, help her out with her tasks, etc. if you feel she’s not being treated fairly. It seems like a tough life for her to be honest, though I can also see why she’s lucky – she is working hard and feels indentured to your family to do chores and housekeeping to ‘earn her keep’.
Lead with empathy.” owls_and_cardinals
Another User Comments:
“YWBTJ It sounds like the only reason K is ‘okay’ with this arrangement is because she has nowhere else to go. Don’t snitch on her to your Mom, nothing good will come out of it.
Your Mom doesn’t want her there and feels as if she can overwork K since she’s providing housing for her. If anything, I would say absolutely NOTHING but start trying to help K out to give her a break now and then. You could be her friend instead of her adversary.” EJ_1004
Another User Comments:
“YWBTJ. K is allowed to be tired or to have a bad day, and to “vent” to her friend on the phone. It doesn’t require an intervention. If you want to be supportive of K, then the thing to do is to wait for her to get off the phone, wait a minute or two so she does not suspect your eavesdropping, and then go into the kitchen and offer to help make dinner.
Oh, and also stop listening to other people’s conversations.” 1962Michael
11. AITJ For Wanting My Roommate To Pay For Her Dog Eating My Expensive Medication?
“To preface: her dog is a 2-year-old beagle terrier mix. Generally well behaved, but undisciplined, and eats everything in sight, as the same day she tore open my cat’s bag of food and ate the entire bag, and ate her poop out of the litter box.
Now, my roommate and I work in healthcare and regularly work 12+ hour shifts, and because I have a cat I keep my door open to allow her in and out of my room where her food is. She recently started leaving her dog out of her room while we were at work without letting me know, and I have a low-sitting nightstand where I keep my medication.
I was recently prescribed an expensive (nonsteroidal) eczema ointment and came home to her having torn it open and eaten the entire thing.
Naturally, she had explosive diarrhea for the rest of the day but was otherwise okay. As the tube was full I asked her if she could reimburse part of the medication cost as it’s hundreds of dollars, and she went on a tangent about how it’s my fault for leaving it where she could reach it and I should be happy enough knowing her dog is fine, when it was in my room, on my nightstand, and she has a gate she chooses not to use because ‘limiting her space is abusive’ which is why she doesn’t keep her in her room anymore, despite her having accidents all over the apartment and eating from the litter box and hundreds of dollars of cat food.
Every time I bring it up to her she picks up her dog and speaks to her in a baby voice saying she did nothing wrong and I’m a jerk for speaking to her like she’s an animal and not a family member, and for expecting her to pay for something that I ‘allowed’ and is ‘my fault’.
I get it, people love their pets, I love my cat, but she doesn’t inconvenience my roommate or damage anything.
So, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – but also it would not be ok to shut a dog in a room all day. If the dog can’t get over the gate but the cat can it might be sensible to put the gate on your bedroom door for now as a stop-gap measure while you look for a new place….
End of the day I think it’s time to move out. She should pay towards the medication.” Competitive-Sail6264
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Given your work schedule, a dog is an inappropriate pet. It is cruel to leave a dog alone 12+ hours a day without human interaction.
They get stressed, get bored, and adopt destructive behaviors like eating expensive medications. Cats on the other hand are by nature solitary creatures and do quite well left alone. Your roommate should give up the dog to someone who can care for it properly. As that isn’t likely to happen the next best thing for you is to get a different roommate.” Waste_Worker6122
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Beagles are…..special dogs. I had a beagle for 15 years and loved him to death, but it was like living with a toddler with a substance addiction. It’s been several years since he passed and I still reflexively push food back from the edge of the counters and never leave anything on the coffee table.
Your roommate’s dog needs to be confined, for his safety as much as to prevent destruction. Because she works such long hours, either you can let him out under supervision or she can hire a dog walker. No amount of training will keep him from the cat food and litter box so you need a baby gate.
Tip for all beagle owners, 5ml or 1 teaspoon of hydrogen peroxide per 10lbs of dog to induce vomiting.” Pikachu
10. AITJ For Not Lending My New Game To My Friend For Free?
“I (M19) just recently bought a PlayStation 5 and was excited to play the new “Astro Bot” game, when it was released a couple of weeks ago. I had pre-ordered the game and started playing on launch day.
A day or two later, a friend (M18) of mine asked me what I thought about the game so far and I told him it was amazing. He then went on to ask me to lend the game to him once I finished it myself.
I told him that I thought it would be unfair for him to play the game for free at launch while I had to pay 70 bucks for it. I then went on to make an offer to sell the game to him for half its price so we would both benefit from the situation as it would be just like us buying the game together with both our money combined. He got really mad at me and told me that I didn’t know how friendship works and that it would be a no-brainer to lend something to a friend.
I told him that I wouldn’t be lending the game to him for free that close to launch and he ended the conversation and hasn’t talked to me since.
From my POV, I felt like he was trying to use our friendship in order to get to play the game for free at launch and afterward tried gaslighting me into giving in by telling me that I’m a bad friend.
However, it has been bugging me this whole time and I am starting to second-guess myself. I know, arguing over a game is kinda childish and stupid and there are more important problems in the world, but I just have to know if what I said was unreasonable.
So, AITJ for not lending a game that just came out to my friend?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. You are never under any obligation to lend someone your things when you don’t want to. But your friend is right; you don’t understand how friendship works. Your logic that it’s not fair for him to not have to pay for something when you did and that he should buy it from you used, is very cold and not very friendly.
He didn’t ask you to give it to him. He asked to borrow it when you were done. When you lend someone an item, the deal is you get it back. When a friend asks to borrow something, the thought in your head shouldn’t be: what can I gain from this? This would cost you nothing, and your friend would appreciate it.
If you’d just said no, that would be one thing, but you tried to charge a friend who wanted to borrow something. That’s cold. ” dryadduinath
Another User Comments:
“YTJ you very much don’t know how friendship works. It being close to launch doesn’t matter.
He said once you beat it and are done with it. So it’d just be sitting on your shelf, no loss to you. If he played it for a couple of days and gave you it back (presumably in the same shape it came in), you could still sell it within the launch window to someone else.
You’d be losing nothing and letting a friend play the game, which is what a friend should do. If you don’t want to lend it out at all, that’s one thing. The excuse and trying to sell it to him is the jerk part. He’s also not gaslighting you.
You don’t know what that means.” WilsonStation
Another User Comments:
“I’m sure I’ll get downvoted, but I’m going with a soft YTJ. That’s just a pretty mercenary move for a friend. Usually, the way these things work is you let him borrow it when it’s convenient for you, and later he lets you borrow something or do you some other favor.
You’re well within your right to say you don’t want to let people borrow your stuff, but this just seems like you handled it in a way that made it antagonistic and did more harm than good.” l33t_p3n1s
9. AITJ For Not Dropping Out Of Homecoming Queen Nomination For My Ex-Best Friend?
“I (17 f) am going through a falling out with my best friend (17 f).
From my point of view we were fine then after a function we went to I got a text saying “We should take a break, we don’t want the same thing for each other.” I was hurt, but I said “okay” and was just going to wait it out until she was ready.
Until the nominations for homecoming came along, she had wanted homecoming queen for a long time. I voted for her to be nominated then we went back to class. 10 min later two other girls and I found out we got nominated for homecoming queen and she wasn’t one of them.
About 2 hours later at the end of class she came in and said “Hey can we talk?” and I said “Yeah.” Then we went out the door to talk to her and she was just going on and on about how she wanted it.
Then when she stopped I said then said, “ I voted for you there’s nothing I can do.” she said “Well, someone needs to drop out or something.” and stormed off.
Then she left the second class period she left and went home. 2 days later she was talking about me and the other two girls that got nominated saying “They didn’t vote me in because they knew I would win.” Then at the end of that week, I found out she asked my crush about homecoming.
I was so upset. Then I texted her and said “This shouldn’t be just a break.” she agreed and we started arguing and she started saying that I should have dropped out of the running for homecoming queen so she could have it. Then she admitted that she only asked my crush to homecoming because “It would hurt me just as much as I hurt her” Then I just stopped texting her and I unadded her.
We haven’t talked since. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. OMG, teenage drama. I think I know why she wasn’t nominated for homecoming queen. It makes sense that OP got nominated partly because she wasn’t expecting it. Asking your crush to homecoming was a low blow, for sure.
But then the obvious question becomes, how is it that your crush didn’t have a date for homecoming already? While you are NTJ, the fact that your crush is going to homecoming with another girl is partly on you. Ya snooze, ya lose.” OkHovercraft4450
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – God I am so glad to not be a teenage girl anymore, I remember these weird politics and intense friend breakups and they were awful. This is part of the territory, everyone is hormonal and poorly socialized and has trouble seeing beyond themselves.
Your ex-friend especially so though. From what you’ve said, you’ve done nothing wrong and the jealousy and power plays are red flags that she’s not a good friend at all. Do what you need to keep the peace, but distance yourself as best you can.
8. AITJ For Wanting To Adjust Payment To Reflect Actual Hours My Mother-In-Law Works?
“I (34M) and my wife (39F) have been married for 10 years and have two kids: an 8-year-old son on the spectrum and a 3-year-old daughter born deaf with cochlear implants.
Our lives are hectic, and we’ve depended a lot on my mother-in-law (“Grandma”) for childcare support, especially with my unpredictable schedule as a cinematographer and my wife working part-time as a nurse.
We moved to Chicago in 2017 to be closer to Grandma, who has been a big help with watching the kids over the years.
We’ve always paid her $150/day, even if the time was less than a full day, as a courtesy since she runs her own dog grooming business and has always struggled financially. Over the summer, she had a serious accident that required surgery, and we covered the $15,000 cost since she didn’t have health insurance.
We also cared for her during her recovery, taking care of her animals and bills.
Recently, our childcare needs have shifted. Our daughter started school for half the day, so Grandma now only watches her for 3 hours in the afternoon and picks up our son from school.
We suggested paying her for the actual hours she works instead of the full-day rate. That’s when things escalated.
Grandma has been verbally abusive to my wife, claiming we’re punishing her for how she’s reacting to the new terms. She also says that her time is worth $50/hour, which is more than we’d pay a professional caregiver in downtown Chicago.
This has been incredibly frustrating for me, especially since we’ve continued paying her, even when I’m not working or getting paid myself.
We have now blurred the line between family support and paid care too much. Grandma is family, and we’ve always tried to help her financially, but now her demands feel more like a business transaction, and the relationship is suffering.
It feels like the dynamic has shifted from her being a supportive grandmother to a hired caretaker with increasing demands.
So, AITJ for wanting to adjust the payment to reflect the actual hours she works, or have we crossed a line where family support has turned into a complicated financial arrangement?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Grandma got used to the gravy train and didn’t want it to end. If there’s a chance you think she honestly believes 50/hour is a legit price then you could always show her what trained Nannies with degrees, certifications, etc. are paid in your area.
Otherwise, I would stand your ground.” BirthdayCookie
Another User Comments:
“NTJ….It is now time to find another babysitter that fits and meets your needs. You have done more than enough for your MIL, so much, that you have made her dependent on the income you do provide.
I would discuss with your wife what you both would like to do. You both have to be on the same page. I would decide together what you are willing to pay for your children’s needs now. If Grandma has a fit, then she has a choice.
Accept what you decide or you will find other care. But, I would probably do so anyway. If she is verbally abusive to you, I hate to think of how she is either the kids.” Worth-Season3645
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Much of the point of using grandparents as childcare is that it costs less (normally nothing), if she wants more money than a good childcare place with other kids costs then she can just see the kids less often.
The kids would benefit from being around other children.” mlc885
7. AITJ For Not Supporting My Best Friend's Rushed Marriage To An Addict?
“My best friend of 20 years, Alice (26F), has always been a hopeless romantic, so when she told me she was getting married, I wasn’t surprised. What did shock me was that she was marrying John (32M) after only two months of going out.
I found it odd how pushy he was about it.
John lived in his parents’ basement and shared custody of his three kids with them. Shortly after the wedding, Alice found out she was pregnant. She already has two kids, and with his three, they were in no position to handle another child.
John moved his kids into Alice’s tiny apartment but doesn’t help with anything. He’ll make himself food, leave a mess, and let the kids fend for themselves until Alice gets home from work. In the three months they’ve been married, he’s had seven jobs, claiming issues like “racist managers” or “there wasn’t any work.” She also discovered he’s an addict and frequently leaves to buy substances, sometimes stealing cash from her change jar to fund his habit.
John isn’t working now, constantly picks fights just to leave the house, and drives Alice’s car because it’s newer than his. It’s clear to me that he’s taking advantage of her. I told Alice she needs to prioritize herself and her children—including the unborn one—because John definitely isn’t.
To me, it seems like he deliberately targeted her and “found a sucker to lick.” She insists she loves him and made a vow to stay, but I think she’s just scared of being alone.
Now Alice is mad at me because I refuse to visit while John is there.
The last time I did, I made him uncomfortable by asking how he planned to support a family of eight if he’s unemployed and smoking away their funds. Alice says I should love him the way I love her, but I made it clear that I’m not his friend and don’t care about him.
So, AITJ for not supporting my best friend’s marriage?”
Another User Comments:
“You’d be a horrible friend if you did support their relationship. You’ve described a horrible situation for her to be in. I hope she opens her eyes up to the truth.
All you can do now is not push her too hard and do your best to keep the door open to her because she’s eventually going to need a place to land when this blows up. NTJ” Odinallf_ther
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but if you’re in it for the long haul with her, like some of the other people said it’s important to keep the door open for her and try your best to be nonjudgmental if she comes to you about something (especially if this dude starts trying to isolate her).
My friend had a friend in a situation similar to this – it took a few years before she finally gained the confidence and self-worth to leave him (fortunately there was no marriage yet or kids so separating was easier). I’m hoping your friend realizes she’s worth more soon.” stressbakingcookies
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – ask her what she’d do if she saw you in the same situation. If she’s your friend, she’d want to protect you, just like you are trying to protect her. She needs to decide if she wants the baby because she will be supporting it herself.
She also will be completely supporting him. He is going to spend her cash on substances and he is not going to hold a job. She now knows why he was living in his parent’s basement. He pushed the marriage to get out of the basement.
He is going to put her in debt and ruin her credit. She needs to get out now. If she refuses, she needs to keep all her finances separate. Do not give him access. What vows did he give? Is he living up to what he promised or what she thought he would?
It’s ok to admit you made a mistake. She just needs to fix it now. Make sure she reads this thread.” pointermom1
6. AITJ For Declining A Suspicious Art Project Proposal?
“Recently a guy named Chris messaged me on Instagram asking me if he could use one of my photos for an art project and that he was willing to pay me $500 for permitting him to use it.
He had a feeling I didn’t trust him so he assured me that he was going to pay me $500 without fees just so he could use my picture for the project. I believed him for a while however he asked me if I could send $100 through the cash app but then I referred back to our previous message of him saying that I do not have to pay for anything else so that was the first strike.
The second strike was that he said I could send the funds through the Cash app regardless if it was $100 and the profile I saw was of a woman in an inappropriate outfit. Second strike.
The third strike came in when he asked me to still pay the funds yet he wouldn’t show me a picture of the supplies that he said he was going to use it for.
All he said was to give him the funds and then he’ll show me a picture of the materials. I asked him if he could show me the materials first, and he still insisted that I pay first, so I called off the deal.
His client also contacted me saying that the girl in the picture was his partner but by then I already made up my mind, so I told the guy that the deal’s off and that for the love of God please show your girl some respect and change the picture. Overall, AITJ for declining this guy my picture for his project?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I had someone message me about using one of my photos in a mural. Somehow it didn’t click until they said that the client would send ME the check for the full amount, and I would send this muralist their portion.
Yell at them and block them. Report if you can, but they just go dark for a while and/or change their name.” cherubim
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. They asked YOU if they could use your picture as a reference. Why should you pay anything?
It was a scam. You can tell a lot from a person by how they treat and show off their partner. So if they are showing their partner inappropriately then it’s best not to interact with them.” valentinekieran
5. AITJ For Comparing My Non-Existent Thai To A Vendor's English?
“I (35M) live in Canada and run a business that works with partners across the world. Recently, my business partner and I were on a video call with a new vendor from Thailand.
The vendor seemed nervous, probably because it was our first meeting, and English wasn’t his first language. However, he was speaking very well, though he apologized a few times for his English not being “good enough.”
At one point, after apologizing again for his English, I tried to ease the tension by saying, “Honestly, your English is way better than my Thai, so I appreciate the effort.
I should be the grateful one.” I thought this was a nice way to acknowledge his effort and put him at ease, especially since I know how intimidating it can be to communicate in a second language. He seemed to relax after that, and the call continued without any further issues.
I thought things went pretty smoothly.
However, after the call, my business partner pulled me aside and told me that my comment was patronizing and that it came across as infantilizing. He said I should have just responded with something like, “No problem, your English is fine,” instead of comparing his language skills to my non-existent Thai.
My partner felt that what I said might have made the vendor feel worse or embarrassed, even though that wasn’t my intention at all.
I honestly thought I was being polite and showing empathy, especially since working with people across different cultures and languages is something I do regularly.
I’ve used similar phrases in the past with other international partners without issue, but now I’m wondering if I misread the situation this time.
My goal was just to show that I appreciated his effort and didn’t expect perfect English, but now I’m second-guessing myself.
Was my comment patronizing or offensive? Should I have just said, “No problem,” and left it at that?
AITJ for trying to ease his nerves by comparing his English to my (non-existent) Thai?”
Another User Comments:
“I have been in similar situations and have said pretty much the same thing, in the same effort to show appreciation for the effort the other person is making and to reassure them that they are doing fine.
Unless you made your remark in a tone of voice that contradicted your actual words, I think you are innocent of the charge of being patronizing. In addition, if the man you were speaking with did indeed relax and feel more comfortable, then it would appear that he did not take any offense from your comment—and he is the one whose opinion matters.
NTJ” Catsbirdshorses
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here because you genuinely seem like a good person, but what your business partner said is kind of true, and I’m saying this as an ESL speaker. If somebody spent years and years learning a language, or at least trying to deal with it constantly, it *may* indeed come across as tone-deaf to compare their knowledge to your nonexistent command of a language you don’t know even remotely.
That said, most people are used to this formula and won’t read too much into it. So you’re only better off avoiding it in polite company, but otherwise, no need to give yourself any hard time about it.” Rukenau
4. AITJ For Yelling At My Brother's Partner After Our Parents Favor His Ex?
“My (24M) parents have mostly accepted my little brother Derek (19M) as gay since he came out in 8th grade. However, we’re from a rural area, and the only guys Derek has been with were country boys like him—guys who played sports, wrestled, hunted, etc. Some of these guys weren’t particularly “nice” to Derek, but my parents dismissed it as “boys being boys.”
Now, my parents don’t like Derek’s current partner, Zak (18M), who is very feminine. They go out of their way to make Zak feel unwelcome, constantly bringing up Derek’s ex, Cody (20M), from high school. They always talk about how perfect Cody was, asking why they broke up or mentioning how much our younger brothers loved him—all in front of Zak.
Derek usually stays quiet when this happens.
Things came to a head at Derek’s birthday party last weekend. My parents invited some of his old friends and football teammates, including Cody. They spent the whole night doting on Cody, which upset Zak because Derek just stayed quiet and distant.
Zak ended up spending most of the party hiding upstairs.
For context, Cody was not a nice person to Derek. In fact, Derek was so scared of him after their breakup that I had to step in and make sure Cody left him alone.
After everyone left, I heard yelling upstairs.
When I ran up, Zak was going off on Derek for not standing up for him, and Derek was starting to have a panic attack. I was furious because Derek’s been through enough yelling in his life, so I glared at Zak and screamed at him to never yell at Derek like that again.
Zak looked scared and sat down while I took Derek with me to calm him down.
Once Derek had relaxed, he told me I shouldn’t have acted that way toward Zak because Zak didn’t know about Cody or Derek’s past trauma. Now Derek wants me to apologize to Zak.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ for yelling at Zak. I understand you were defending Derek, but yelling didn’t make things better. Both Zak and Derek have been bullied or worse, Derek by Cody, and Zak by your parents and probably a lot of other people.
This is a difficult situation. Derek and Zak are very young to build a mature relationship while also processing and coping with their ongoing trauma.” TrappedInHyperspace
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Less so than your parents, but you and Derek both just sat there and let them mistreat Zak.
Honestly, I think you both are jerks, and I don’t blame Zak for going off on Derek. If you noticed Derek having a panic attack, you could have told Zak to back off and give him a minute without yelling at him. He was the victim here.
Honestly, your whole family mistreated Zak here, and I hope he realizes that and moves on from Derek.” reattach
3. AITJ For Wanting To Take A 5-Day Trip To Vegas Despite My Husband's Objections?
“I’m a mom of two (ages 3.5 and 1.5) and work full-time in the medical field, putting in 50–60 hours a week. My husband also works full-time in retail with similar hours. Our routine is exhausting: I handle mornings, daycare drop-offs, most of the evening routine, bedtime, and all the indoor chores (cleaning, organizing, shopping, laundry).
He does the “outside” chores, picks up the kids from daycare, and is supposed to cook dinner twice a week but often gets takeout instead. We usually only get one day off together each week.
I can’t remember the last time I had even two hours to myself.
In over 3.5 years, I’ve only been away from my older child for seven days total and from my younger child for three days. Now, I’m asking for five days to go to Vegas with my mom for Cowboy Christmas and the National Rodeo competition, events that won’t be in Vegas next year.
My husband has flat-out said no because it falls during his blackout period at work, and he’s planning to switch jobs, which would require out-of-state training that could overlap with my trip. When I bring up my request, he gaslights me, making me feel guilty for wanting to leave the kids and claiming his job is more important.
Meanwhile, he frequently takes trips for hunting, fishing, or out-of-state work meetings, and I always make it work—I’ve never told him no. He says I should plan to go to Vegas another time, but that defeats the purpose since these are the events I want to attend.
Should I go ahead and plan the trip anyway or continue putting my needs on the back burner, as I’ve done for the past four years?”
Another User Comments:
“So having read the few replies I’d like to chime in with my idea. If it were me I would be saying: So I’m heading to Vegas with my mother and here are the dates I’ll be gone so you need to figure out how you’re going to handle it because I’m not asking you, I’m telling you.
We know who the jerk is here and it’s not you. Oh and if he tries the’ my job is more important line just counter with the old ‘more important than having a wife and children?'” Lay-ZFair
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, you both work full time but you get the lion’s share of the child raising.
He has picked up two days a week dinner, the latter he shortcuts on by getting take out. He needs to step up in the childcare department. You don’t want to burn out, but he somehow finds the free time to do his things.” lemon_charlie
Another User Comments:
“I mean, the average weekend is only 2 days and you are asking for 5, but still… Your husband is either unwilling or incapable of taking charge. That’s problematic in itself, and you will want to shut that down before your kids get old enough to notice it. (If things remain as is, they will end up losing all respect for one, or both of you, by their teen years.) I’d suggest a real conversation about how often his hobbies are keeping him out of the house.
Whether it be about the disproportionate time you get to yourself – or if that might be negatively affecting his ability to parent the kids solo. Either way, I would be making it clear that you do plan on taking some time to yourself before his next hunting or fishing excursion.
NTJ.” aj_alva
2. AITJ For Prioritizing My Baby's Safety Over My Mother-In-Law's Wedding Plans?
“My mother-in-law is getting married in 2 weeks. They started planning the wedding in July. My husband, our 6-month-old daughter, and I had been invited before there were any concrete plans for the wedding.
This weekend we visited her for lunch and finally found out what the plans actually are.
There will be a ceremony at 3p3 and after that, all guests are invited to a phone-free wedding party in a close-by restaurant/hotel. She told us they already reserved one hotel room for the guests to leave phones and other things and later for our daughter to sleep while we party with them until morning.
I refused to stay overnight. I explained that our daughter needed a baby monitor because she stopped breathing a few times before and the monitor saved her. I’d need my phone for the baby cam but she wouldn’t make an exception. Also leaving her alone in a hotel room while any of the inebriated wedding guests can freely enter the room isn’t something I’m comfortable with.
I’d stay up there with her anyway and at that point, we can just take a 10-minute walk home.
My husband said we’ll attend the ceremony and the dinner after it but me and the baby will leave when people start drinking. He’ll stay until morning.
I’ve tried my best not to offend her but I was very unsuccessful. She took it as me saying that her friends (guests) would do something to my daughter. Told me that baby monitors are useless, they didn’t have these modern things and both her sons are still alive.
She also accused me of conspiring with Katie. My husband has a brother and Katie is his fiancee. They argued two weeks prior and both refused to attend the wedding.
Lastly, she told us that she would consider if we’re even still invited. Her fiance refused to help us move until solved it.
I understand it’s an important day for her and she’s angry that it’s not going exactly according to the plan. But she could’ve asked before making it a plan. Also, all the guests are strangers to both me and my husband. I know that being a first-time mother makes me way more anxious about my baby’s safety but I don’t think I’m exaggerating this time.
AITJ ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ at all. Holy moly the nerve of your MIL to expect that you leave a baby unattended in a hotel room without your phone or a baby monitor and with inebriated party-goers around? You have all the right reasons to be anxious and hesitant about this.
As for a way to proceed, I’d suggest don’t engage in any logical conversations or arguments. If this woman cannot see how unreasonable she is being and how risky a proposition she has for the sleeping arrangements of your baby, I doubt you can find any logic to convince her otherwise.
Don’t interfere with her plans, let her proceed and you can just quietly slip out with the baby as per your plan. If she gets salty afterward, eh, well she was gonna be a pain anyway. At least you avoided a whole drama and got your way.” VioletLily2
Another User Comments:
“Wtf NTJ I love a good party! I would be amazingly uncomfortable if any human would leave a baby in a separate hotel room, unsupervised, with access from literally 100s of inebriated adults! Jesus That sounds like a jail sentence for the parents when something goes wrong!
Noooo” LetsGetsThisPartyOn
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your MIL sounds like a real piece of work. She rudely passed judgment on your parenting and twisted your goal to keep your baby safe into a personal affront to *her*, all because she was annoyed you wouldn’t drink all night with her and her friends.
Why is that so important to her anyway?” Strange_Shallot8833
1. AITJ For Letting My Partner Interject In An Argument With My Mother?
“For context: I (M29) live with my mother, because my situation is quite difficult (I work in different schools, but I’m still saving up to buy my car, so I drive my mother’s car or use public transport when available); I don’t think I could live independently as of now.
My partner (M32) visits almost every weekend, and my mother has expressed that she’s fine with it. Now, my relationship with my mother is kind of a rollercoaster. Every time I do something she doesn’t like, she gets mad, insults me, and stops talking to me.
Now onto the situation at hand. I was called yesterday to go work at a school that’s half an hour from my home. I told her, and she said we would talk later about it. Today my partner visited, and during lunch, she started asking why I accepted the job, and how I was planning to go.
I told her that was the only good option I had, and I could simply take a bus if she needed the car. I guess she didn’t care about what I said, because she kept going about how I don’t think things through, that I only think about myself.
My partner interjected, saying the same thing as me, that I could take the bus and there was not any problem with it. She started crying, and I told her that if she had a problem with my partner she could just talk to him.
After a while in silence, she left.
A couple of hours passed and she told me that I couldn’t use her car and that my partner had no business butting in our arguments.
I told her that if she didn’t want him to say anything, she shouldn’t have brought up the conversation in front of him.
She disagrees, saying that we’re in the wrong and that it’s not normal for him to butt in, that he should’ve stayed quiet.
I’m fine with my partner stepping in the argument, but I have to wonder if she has a point and we’re the jerks here?”
Another User Comments:
“It sounds like, from the crying, that your mother would prefer that you not become independent from her and leave her. Both your partner and your ability to earn are seen by her as threats, enabling your independence from her. I doubt talking will change things.
It is high time you left the nest, as difficult as it might be. Please continue to work toward your independence, while being kind but firm with your mother. She will try to make you feel bad but let that be her problem, not yours.
NTJ.” WEM-2022
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but take a hard look at your current living situation. Is your mom as cool with your partner as you think she is because it seems like she is trying to drive a wedge in there? Is she upset that you still live at home and going about expressing her feelings in a passive-aggressive way?
If you don’t have the money for a car, you probably don’t have enough to pay rent but start looking at what you are doing and what you could be doing differently to change your situation because it seems like your mother is not being truthful about how she feels about your situation.” PokeyWeirdo12
