People Try To Make Sense Of Their "Am I The Jerk?" Situations
22. AITJ For Making My Germaphobe Daughter Sleep In The Backyard After She Bullied And Framed Our Housemaid?
“My M46 daughter (16) is a high school junior. I noticed recently that she’s been behaving in a bad manner constantly commenting on other people’s looks, belongings, calling them stuff that isn’t cool and just being insensitive. It’s like she lost a filter or something because usually she’s polite but my wife suspected that our daughter’s sudden misbehavior occurred after she started hanging out with new girls from the school.
Basically the mean type and has picked up on their behavior. I’ve sat with my daughter and had many discussions about how her behavior has been negatively affecting everyone around her. Our housemaid is the person most affected here and my daughter has chosen her to be her target for hair, clothes, and “etiquette” criticism.
She has complained about our daughter calling her offensive names like filthy and gross for cleaning certain areas in our house. I took a stand and explicitly told my daughter I’d punish her if she ever said stuff like that to our housemaid again.
Last week my daughter had a party to go to, earlier that day she called our housemaid “filthy” so I grounded her by not letting her go to the party.
She threw a fit and called our housemaid a liar saying she never called her that. That was the end of it.
Days later my daughter came to me saying she couldn’t find her iPhone after looking everywhere. She asked me to call her number and I did.
My wife and I were stunned to discover that the iPhone was ringing inside our housemaid’s bag. I had a confrontation with her immediately and she denied and cried saying she never touched the phone nor had any idea how it got there. I noticed my daughter calling her thief repeatedly so I told her to stop and go to her room.
I checked the indoor camera before continuing the argument and saw my daughter place her iPhone inside our housemaid’s bag, I was livid. I apologized to the housemaid and gave her the rest of the day off. I then showed the video to my daughter and she was absolutely speechless.
I said what she did was immoral and straight-up offensive to tamper with that poor woman’s livelihood over a petty party she couldn’t go to. I told her she was grounded and will have to spend the night in the backyard (she is a germaphobe) but she cried begging me to not make her sleep with the dirt, insects, and hot temp.
I refused to discuss it or I’d make it 2 nights. My wife said I should go easy on her but I said calling people filthy and accusing them of stealing wasn’t ok in fact it was the absolute worst, I then went through with my punishment.
The reason I chose this punishment was because of the fact that my daughter says she is a germaphobe and uses this as an excuse to insult others’ hygiene and appearance, our backyard has dirt and bugs in it and these kinds of things get her uncomfortable but other than that the backyard is 100% safe.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your daughter deserves a DEFCON-1 level punishment. That’s some messed up stuff she did. That said, I’d probably pick something besides making her sleep in the backyard. Too temporary, too unusual, too easy for her to make herself out to be the victim.
It’s both too much and not enough. Spend one weekend per month of her Grounded-Without-Phone Year picking up trash on the side of the road with her.” K-no-B
Another User Comments:
“NTJ I’d sell her phone, and give the proceeds to the housemaid as well as an extra week’s salary which your daughter has to pay for by either working/doing chores around the house or paying back to the community.
Buy her a Nokia brick if she needs a phone to keep in contact with her.” Maleficent-Signal295
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but the punishment should fit the crimes. No phone for a year, a month grounded doing all the housework on her own (pay your housekeeper the whole month, she deserves a vacation!), plus another month grounded to keep her away from those other girls.” La-Belle-Gigi
21. AITJ For Eating A Piece Of My Mother-In-Law's Birthday Cake Before The Party?
“So my husband m32 and I f24 are expecting our first baby together (I’m 7 months in). My inlaws are lovely people. My mother-in-law had some not-so-major fight with her husband and has been staying with us for a few days.
Her birthday was yesterday and because of her emotional and mental state, my husband decided to throw her a surprise party and invite his siblings. He got everything ready and I was home alone when the cake arrived from the bakery. To give info the cake was big and had my mother-in-law’s favorite flavor (strawberry).
I asked my husband for some snacks I was craving really badly but he didn’t get them. To be honest I got a bit tempted whenever I looked at the cake and decided to cut a small piece of it. I didn’t think it was a big deal til my husband saw it and flipped out asking why I ruined the cake and cut a piece of it.
I said I was sorry but was craving something sweet. He said that was supposed to be his mother’s birthday cake and I embarrassed him by taking a piece of it instead of waiting til the party in just a few hours. I said he should have been the one to handle it if he didn’t think I was up to the task but he went off saying he couldn’t believe how childish I was with 0 impulse control to be blaming him instead of checking myself and not be unsupportive.
This made me upset because there was a ton of other stuff he asked me to do and I did it. He kept arguing saying I just caused him the price of cake and an utter embarrassment when his mom sees that I ate from her cake.
I looked at him and told him he overreacted over a piece of cake and asked if a piece of cake was more important than his son and that I was sure his mom will understand that I took my piece of cake in advance because I really couldn’t help myself but he said this wasn’t about me and I have to just admit I messed up and ruined his work then went upstairs.
I refused to come out of the room to celebrate after he told me to stay there and I explained to his mom what happened and she didn’t say anything though I noticed she was bothered. He keeps telling me to apologize otherwise he won’t speak to me nor acknowledge my presence in the house.”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ, I understand cravings, but you are an adult and not a 3-year-old unable to control herself, and if you were craving something sweet so bad just call a delivery service or whatever is available and get something for yourself instead of ruining a cake meant for someone else.” mespinozamedrano
Another User Comments:
“YTJ don’t be so manipulative. To act like they don’t care about your son because they are angry about the cake is a real jerk move as well. YTJ for that too.” PixiesGem
Another User Comments:
“YTJ, are you really trying to make it sound like this is a life or death situation, and if you didn’t eat that cake then you would starve (thus bring harm to your baby)?
Lady, no. You are absolutely the jerk. Apologize to your husband AND your MIL.” imarebelpilot
20. AITJ For Drinking A Beer At Lunch At My New Job?
“I started a new job last month. At my previous employer, they were very relaxed and laid back. They had work-sponsored beer Fridays at the end of every week, and they served beer at the work cafeteria, with a limit of one per person during the work day.
That being said, I usually drank a Busch Light or an IPA every day with my lunch for the past 2.5 years.
During the interview process at my new job, they asked me what I liked about my (then) current employer, and I mentioned that they were very relaxed and the interviewer said “Not to brag, but we’re known for having a very relaxed culture here as well.
I would bet we’re more laid back than your current employer”. This was a relief to hear. I’ll skip past the boring parts, but after a few more interviews at this place, I got an offer and took the job.
Upon accepting the position, I was mailed an onboarding packet with the employee handbook.
I read the handbook from front to back and didn’t see anything about a no-booze policy in the book. This along with the mention of a “very relaxed work culture” had me thinking not many things would change from a culture standpoint from my old job to my new one.
The first few weeks were a lot of training and the training usually ran over lunch, so they would provide us with a variety of sandwich options/pizza that were catered, as well as drink options (waters, sodas, juice, tea, coffee, etc.) so I would just help myself to whatever they provided. Later in the month, my boss scheduled a lunch at a restaurant with our vendor to introduce me to them and explain my new role, and at this lunch my boss was the first person to order a beer, and the rest of us followed suit.
This was another good sign.
Fast forward to last week, training was over and I was starting to settle into a routine and working more on my day-to-day tasks. That being said, I packed my own lunch, and included in my lunch was a Busch Light.
I ate the first few lunches at my desk, undisturbed by anyone else. I didn’t think anything of it. Eventually, I was invited to eat lunch in the lunchroom upstairs, so I joined some colleagues upstairs for lunch. I unpacked my lunch and opened my Busch Light.
Immediately I could sense a “What the heck is this guy thinking” vibe from my colleagues, but no one said anything. I brushed it off. Later that day HR stopped by along with my boss and called me into the HR office. They said what I did was unacceptable and that “I’m lucky I’m not getting fired for that type of behavior.” I mentioned the vendor lunch and my boss shot me daggers.
We ended the meeting with an agreement that I would refrain from drinking booze on the job again.
The next day, my boss chewed me out for “throwing him under the bus” and asked me “what the heck I was thinking”. I don’t get the big deal, no grown adult gets inebriated or even buzzed off one single beer with lunch.
I was following his lead and thought it was acceptable! So much for “lax.””
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. I have never heard of a workplace that permits drinking in the middle of the day. A business lunch is different. Lax is one thing, irresponsible is another.
You should have asked what they meant by lax.” JuiceEdawg
Another User Comments:
“YTJ are you serious? If you happened to work somewhere that encouraged drinking during work hours, you should know they were in the minority. Was that the only job you’ve ever had?
A lax work culture does not mean anything goes. It should be common sense that the majority of professional work environments do not want you cracking open a beer in the lunch room.” idreaminwords
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. If you feel the need to drink a beer every day during work that could indicate you have a problem with booze.
It shouldn’t have to be spelled out in a handbook that drinking on the job isn’t allowed.” Historical-Piglet-86
19. AITJ For Not Letting My Nomadic Brother Live In My Driveway During Winter?
“I have a brother who lives as a nomad in his van full-time and travels all over the country. With winter coming up he wants to spend the winter here where I live.
He says he has some court fines to pay off and he’s running low on funds in general so he wants to park here while he figures things out. His request included parking in my driveway and using my bathroom, washing machine, and things as needed for the next 5 months.
I said no as there are several problems with this: In both my state and city (Miami) camping in residential areas and sleeping overnight is illegal. My wife is pregnant and due in April. My brother wants to stay until April. I don’t have room for him in the house unless he slept on the couch but I don’t want my wife to have stress or a stranger in the house during this time.
My brother sleeps all day, drinks and smokes to excess, and is a slob. He’s free to live how he wants and I don’t argue or try to stop him but that doesn’t mean I want it here. He is mad I said no. He won’t lay off and has gotten my parents into the asking.
Apparently, winter will be hard for him if he can’t stay here. My parents gave him my address even though I told them not to. Is it a terrible thing for me to deny his request as he’s family and this is his best option?
Other facts: I’m 34, so is my wife, my brother is 33 and my parents are in their 50s. My brother has lived as a nomad for the last 15 years. He gets funds from odd jobs, other legal and illegal hustles, and from my parents when they can afford it.
Apparently, they are tapped out now and want me to jump in to help.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, forget that, tell your parents to let him camp at theirs, see how they like it. He chose his lifestyle, you chose yours, I’m sure yours didn’t include a grown man bumming off you and your wife for months at a time.
Set boundaries early and don’t budge.” RoundThing-TinyThing
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. The van situation is illegal and would be putting your little family at risk. If he comes into your house, 5 months would turn into a tenant situation, and getting him out at the end could have enormous legal issues right at the time your wife is giving birth.
Don’t do it.” Distinct-Confusion
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If he shows up anyway, have him trespassed from your property. This is ridiculous – if your parents are so concerned, he can winter at THEIR house. You owe him nothing, and if you let him in, he might never leave.
Congrats on your upcoming child, and keep that baby and your wife safe from your freeloading brother.” Alarmed-Hamster-4047
18. AITJ For Being Upset That My Mother Completely Rearranged My Kitchen While I Was Away?
“My history with my mother (M) is rocky at best. She is separated from my dad, who pays for everything, including her renovated Dodge Ram van. M lives wherever she wants, whenever she wants, doing whatever she wants. Because she is attractive and lives a youthful lifestyle, she sees much younger men and is praised high and low by most people she meets.
I asked her to watch my cats while I was visiting my husband’s (H) son out of state, which she happily agreed to. When M arrived to cat sit I told her she could reorganize the two corner cabinets if she wanted to. I didn’t have the time to do it then, and we were ripping out all the cabinets in a couple of months anyway.
Talk about the organization of our home as a couple is done with careful consideration and respect for shared space. I hadn’t thought much about my suggestion for her to reorganize the cabinets because the kitchen was mostly my domain. We made sure to set rules about not allowing anyone else in our home when we were away and left it at that.
M hinted at some organizational items she ordered while we were away and I mentioned to H she was rearranging a few cupboards. I felt nervous but tried to dismiss it as we were caring for H’s son. We felt secure knowing she was staying busy and not inviting random dudes over.
Communication with M is limited at best. I tolerate her presence out of a sense of duty, but I am easily triggered by her behaviors. I frequently blow up on her and have been told my entire life to just deal with it, because she is incapable of change.
My siblings have told me that’s just the way she is and I am the one who needs to change my behavior to accept that. Limiting exposure seems to be the best way to do that, and I double-check every text I send to her to make sure I’m playing nice to the woman who told people that I “was easier to deal with if you pretend she’s disabled” as a child.
A week later H and I arrive home to our house littered with homemaking gifts (candles, throw pillows, tacky Christmas towels, etc.) and the entirety of our kitchen reorganized. Items that had been stored because of their lack of use were now on our bookshelf.
Honey poured into a jar next to other tiny jars. Salt in my favorite coffee mug. My toilet brush next to the sink in the container where my utensils were. Literally every item has been moved. There is an entire drawer of items missing. A box of items labeled “idk what to do with this”.
My food storage I had spent the last two years cultivating and meticulously planning had been moved into separate cupboards, mixed in with daily food. The storage I had has been replaced by THE EXACT UNIT I chose not to buy. She took each item out of the bag (flour, pasta rice, sugar, etc.), cut off the labels, and put them into individual plastic containers.
I didn’t do this to save space and desire to not use plastic/wash unnecessary items and was in the process of eliminating all plastic storage. I now have 50+ new items of plastic.
H was distraught and immediately asked if the gifted items could be donated. H is a minimalist, very private person with clear boundaries.
H says this is her flexing on me, and she is the manipulative, controlling, selfish type to do so. However, I am told to be grateful I have M who wants to be involved in my life and to just deal with it.
I live in constant doubt I am in the wrong when it comes to M and I feel awful because I don’t want to be justified in thinking she’s a narcissistic jerk.
It’s Thanksgiving day and yet again, my mother and I are locked in battle. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Aaaaaaaaaaargh. NTJ for being upset. Who is telling you that you need to be grateful? However, if you weren’t very clear on the “this much and no more”, then you might need to be fairly gentle when it comes to asking M to take everything back and never, ever do that again.
Some people struggle with the idea of ‘no one true way’. On the other hand, if you were clear, feel free to rip her a new one, because you expressed boundaries and she trampled them. No more staying at your place unchaperoned if she can’t respect your space.
(Also, this horrifies me on so many personal levels.)” Rowanever
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. The description she used about you as a child was enough for me, she’s a piece of work and you would be totally justified in cutting all ties with her. I’d be mortified too – toilet brush by the kitchen sink is a low blow.
Don’t feel ashamed, the only one who should be is her. Do not trust her, ever, in your home again. If you stay in contact with her (and I wouldn’t) keep your boundaries strong. But I think your husband would be very happy if you cut ties.” LillytheFurkid
Another User Comments:
“Don’t even mention it to her, don’t say you liked it, or didn’t. This is what she is waiting for. take it as an expensive lesson. Give away everything she added, put everything back in place, and NEVER trust her with your home again.
When she asks “what did you think about the organizing?” “oh, did you do anything? I haven’t noticed.” NTJ but barely because you stated that this is a regular behavior. Stop giving her opportunities.” Ryuloulou
17. AITJ For Defending My Fiancée Against My Brother's Fiancée's Haircare Advice?
“So I will start out by saying that I normally don’t have a problem with my brother’s fiancee but when she started on my fiancee it changed because of course I would defend her. My fiancee is a hairstylist. Since we started seeing each other she cuts hair for lots of people in my family.
I’ll say at this point that my brother is engaged too. The incident that led to the fight between me and his fiancee. Our cousin was asking my fiancee for hair advice and my fiancee was telling her she shouldn’t wash her hair every day because it will make it oily and greasy faster and how to train her hair to make less oil.
I was right there and I heard everything. But later our cousin told my fiancee that my brother’s fiancee came up to her and quietly said greasy hair is from hormones and how much you wash it because it is about hormones and genetics and hair training is a myth.
She had told our cousin this later on in the day because she heard what my fiancee was saying and our cousin said his fiancee quoted a bunch of science journal stuff because she’s a dermatologist when she told her (our cousin).
My fiancee was really upset when she found out.
She doesn’t think it is any of my brother’s fiancee’s business and that she should stay out of it because obviously dermatologists don’t know jack about haircare. I agree with her and we both felt like my brother’s fiancee thinks she’s above my fiancee because she is a doctor.
My fiancee and I told her to mind her own business and stop giving advice she doesn’t know anything about and also acting so self-important just because she’s a doctor.
Well, my brother didn’t like that and now neither of them is talking to us.
My brother didn’t care that my fiancee got insulted. His fiancee has no idea what she is talking about. I think my brother is upset that my parents told him they can’t afford to help them with their wedding because they can’t afford 2 at the same time and we are also getting married. I remember he was upset when the same thing happened for college.
His fiancee decided they should move to another state like 3000 miles away once she gets out of the Military this year and she wants to elope which my parents and I aren’t happy about. I think my brother doesn’t care that his fiancee insulted mine because of sour grapes about the wedding.
His fiancee made him go for unnecessary therapy which I think has just muddled things more.
For the record my parents agree with me. They have been wary of my brother’s fiancee since the engagement. They are upset my fiancee was insulted even though she didn’t do anything?
I’m just wondering if I was too hard on them because usually my brother is much calmer, steadier, and easily apologizes when he is wrong. So was I the jerk here and should have just left well enough alone or what?”
Another User Comments:
“There’s a lot to unpack here.
YTJ. Your brother’s fiancee didn’t insult yours, in fact it sounds like she respectfully kept quiet and didn’t call your fiancee out in public but instead quietly corrected the information to your cousin afterward. Dermatologists are absolutely more trained in the mechanics of oil secretion from the scalp than hairdressers.
It’s not the hair that produces the oils, it’s the glands in the skin. It’s not about who is “above” whoever else, it’s simply specializations in training. If she was trying to act superior she would have called your fiancee out publicly and to her face, but she didn’t.
Your parents are blatantly playing favorites with you over your brother regarding paying for weddings and college and you think it’s just sour grapes that he’s upset about it. And when your brother decides to elope, because he can’t afford a wedding like you can, you judge him for that too.
Wow that’s some Cinderella-level sucky.
Why do I think you are upset with your brother getting therapy because his therapist seems to be encouraging him to actually stand up for himself? Everyone can benefit from therapy, it’s not some nefarious thing that should be avoided unless “absolutely necessary”.
Your brother’s fiancee did nothing wrong, and your fiancee is just embarrassed that she was found to be spreading misinformation.” Aenthralled
Another User Comments:
“YTJ and so is your fiancée. Of course a doctor knows more about oil production in the body. Your future SIL could have been a jerk if she stepped in and corrected your fiancée in a rude manner.
Dr SIL instead waited and privately corrected the misinformation.” Huahuamama
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. I don’t see where your fiancee was insulted. I think you’ve all been “wary” of your brother’s fiancee and are looking for things to be upset about. Your brother has the right to be upset that your parents chose to pay for your schooling and wedding, but not his.
I’m also not sure why anyone’s upset they’re eloping if no one is offering to financially contribute anything to their wedding. Good for him for growing a spine! And a dermatologist would likely know more about hair follicles than a hairdresser. I think you’re just irritated she’s more educated.” JuniorFix3344
16. AITJ For Being Upset My Roommate Didn't Disclose He Was Bisexual?
“I (25F) live with my cousin Bree (27F) in a small 3 bedroom townhouse and last year we welcomed in another roommate “Claude” (25M) to rent the 3rd room.
From the very beginning, Claude told us he was gay and had a long-distance partner. Both me and my cousin assumed by “gay” he meant he was exclusively attracted to men and NOT women. With us, Claude would only refer to himself as gay … never bi or bisexual. Obviously, we just assumed he was male-attracted only.
Because we assumed our roommate Claude was gay, Bree and I let our guards down when it came to clothing…
We’d walk around the house in skimpy clothing and undergarments all the time, especially when it was a hot day. We felt comfortable coming out of the shower in a small towel and walking around the house or sitting on the couch with only a small towel wrapped around our bodies to cover us.
We’d also often walk around in just a shirt and undergarments.
Claude was perfectly okay with this (we checked with him to make sure he wasn’t uncomfortable and again, we assumed he was male-attracted only so no issue…
So recently Claude broke up with his long-distance partner.
He’s been on a social platform and yesterday he showed me a picture of someone he’s going out with this Saturday and …she’s a woman???
I was obviously confused and asked Claude “umm, why are you going out with a woman? I thought you were gay??” Claude laughed and said he was actually bisexual, but usually just referred to himself as gay.
I admit, I got pretty upset. I asked why in the 12 months he’s been living with us he never told us he was bisexual? He asked why it was a big deal and I said that I would never have walked around the house like I do if I knew he was also attracted to women.
I also told Claude he should’ve known better and been upfront that he was bisexual when moving in with 2 women. Because if you just say “gay” of course we’re going to assume you mean male-only attracted unless you state otherwise.
Claude was upset and called me biphobic … but I told him I wasn’t, I was just upset that he didn’t disclose he was also attracted to women when moving in with 2 women… especially considering Bree and I were walking around in our undergarments all the time under the assumption he only liked men.
Why wouldn’t he just clarify he was bisexual with us earlier ???
So I guess I wanted to ask, am I a biphobic jerk? Maybe I am and I’m just not seeing it…”
Another User Comments:
“I don’t really see that Claude’s exact s*******y is any of your business.
You chose to walk around the house in skimpy stuff and asked him if he was comfortable. He said yes. I don’t see what the big deal is… from your post you never mentioned him checking you out or making you feel uncomfortable so he’s obviously not attracted to you and getting his excitement from seeing your shoulders in a towel or whatever.
YTJ.” Leland_Gaunt_
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. You are assuming that all female-attracted people would automatically be attracted to you because of the way you dress, and in turn act inappropriately due to that attraction. Not everyone is going to be so overcome by your attractiveness that they lose control of themselves.
You asked if it bothers him, it doesn’t. If he hasn’t given any indication of wanting something from you because you dress skimpy then I don’t see the issue. His s*******y isn’t really any of your business.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. You clearly didn’t think he was checking you out or you would have said something about it.
People of different genders can cohabitate while scantily dressed and not be complete pigs. I understand where you’re coming from but I’m a queer woman who also calls myself gay bc I’ve chosen not to go out with men despite being attracted to them. You asked him if you made him uncomfortable and he said no. He probably assumed you were comfortable and wanted you to be able to wear what you wanted. Gay men are perfectly capable of crossing boundaries with women but you gave no indication he did anything except not tell you he occasionally goes out with women.
It’s very common in the queer community to call yourself gay even if you aren’t strictly homosexual.” Exact_Roll_4048
15. AITJ For Eating Food I'm Allergic To At A Friend's House To Avoid Wasting Money?
“So I (18f) have a thing going on with my group of friends for pretty much all of high school that we hang out on Sunday evenings at someone’s house, the hosts change week to week, whoever is able to host that week.
Anyway, the agreed-upon thing was that we all chip in like 5 dollars for food, usually pizza and stuff. Some gave more if someone else was in a rough spot and it always works fine.
One friend Carla’s (18F) parents own a pretty successful restaurant so they like to cook rather than just order pizza which is great on its own, we all still chip in 5 dollars or so for ingredients.
The problem that happened is the dad who likes to cook doesn’t take criticism well and always makes something I either can’t eat due to allergies or just am not into. I stopped joining in/chipping in money when they would host so I wasn’t a letdown for a while.
I had definitely been as clear as an awkward girl can be about what my issues/allergies were.
My family has never been very wealthy and well we ended up homeless for a while so the hangout nights became a night I could eat something special without worrying too much plus my friends were always great about sending me back with leftovers if they could.
So Sunday I decided to join in on the meal at Carla’s house again. I gave money for it per usual. It turned out to once again be something I’m allergic to.
I wanted to cry because essentially I wasted 5 dollars that I could have used. Not wanting to confront them about getting the money back or being a party pooper, I ate some.
Now the allergy wasn’t anaphylactic, but I broke out in hives, my face was very red and swollen. I took some Benadryl and was as discreet as possible but my one friend Alex (17M) noticed and asked if I was okay so I kinda casually mentioned it.
Suddenly the room exploded. Some people were concerned for me saying I shouldn’t have to do that. Carla got very upset and went to tell her dad who came in and asked me why I didn’t just not eat it to which I replied I didn’t want to be a burden or waste my 5 dollars.
He grabbed 5 dollars and gave it to me, telling me not to eat there again. Carla was upset I embarrassed’ her dad? Two more friends told me I was being an attention seeker and someone else told me I ruined nights at Carla’s house.
So AITJ?
I didn’t want this to happen at all and I don’t want to lose my friends.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, why would her dad be embarrassed over you having an allergic reaction? I don’t get how you having an allergic reaction would be attention-seeking.
Teenagers crack me up. If her dad knows about your allergies and continues to make stuff you’re allergic to without making something separate for you then he is the jerk. His reaction to tell you not to eat there again is super rude.” AdDouble9058
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here. If you haven’t been eating at Carla’s for a while, it would have been good to remind her of your allergies. It also would have been fine to ask for the money back once you found out what it was (you also could have asked beforehand).
Above all, it was really stupid to eat it anyway (I don’t think you’re the jerk for this, but just don’t purposely do that to yourself). Carla and her dad seem… Odd? I can’t imagine not accommodating a guest’s allergy.” Kakiston
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here.
You said you didn’t chip in whenever Carla hosted because her dad completely disregarded your allergies. Why did you think this time would be different? Then, you ate knowing you were going to have a reaction. You should have sat this one out like you’ve been doing.
PS The dad is a bigger jerk, and the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree. They need to get over themselves.” needtoknowbasis92
14. AITJ For Allowing My Brother To Propose At My Wedding And Telling Off My Aunt For Complaining?
“My wife and I got married last week and like a few months before my brother talked to me. He asked if it would be ok if he proposed to his partner at our wedding and he made sure I knew there wouldn’t be any hard feelings if we told him no. And yeah I know to some people they might think that’s him trying to be cheap or “hijack” our wedding (I’ve seen some posts like that).
But for us we didn’t see it that way and it was kind of exciting to be part of their story. We actually coordinated with everyone else who was gonna be there so he could work in his proposal. The plan was when it was time for my wife to toss the bouquet, his partner would catch it and then he’d sneak up behind her to propose with a ring.
That’s why we told everyone else so nobody else would try to catch it (plus my wife is tossing it in her direction).
Everyone went along, it was a success. She caught it, my brother was able to surprise her and it worked out perfectly.
Happy ending right? Well that was until one of my aunts wouldn’t shut up about it during the reception. I don’t know what the big deal was. My brother asked us, my wife and I were more than happy to go along.
We were at my parents’ table eating.
Like 2 hours after the proposal she was still complaining about how tactless and cheap it was for my brother to use his own brother’s wedding. Normally everyone ignores her because she’s known to be super negative about everything. But man this time was so annoying.
And that’s why I said something like: “oh my god can you stop complaining for once? It happened already, move on and stop being so bitter for the rest of my wedding.” She was more mad at the fact that I called her bitter because according to her she’s never bitter.
But she’s allowed to have opinions and she doesn’t think it’s right that he didn’t pick a more appropriate time to do it himself.
It feels so stupid because both my wife and I wanted to do this. My mom does think it was pretty rude so that’s why I’m here asking.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ 1. Your brother was forthcoming and politely asked first 2. Both you and the bride liked the idea, supported it and helped him plan it. 3. Everyone seems happy about it but aunt who had no say on the wedding. Congratulations on your recent wedding and congrats to your brother and future SIL on their engagement!!” TwoCentsPsychologist
Another User Comments:
“NTJ everyone is entitled to their opinion, but that doesn’t mean they have a right to express it. If she’d been polite and kept her thoughts to herself then there wouldn’t have been an issue. She was just a guest, this wasn’t her wedding to decide what was acceptable, she deserved to be put in her place.” mygreyangel
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your brother asked before your wedding for your blessing and you gave it and helped out with his proposal. If the bride and groom are happy with the arrangement then no other opinion matters. She should’ve picked a more appropriate time to voice her unwanted opinion.” [deleted]
13. AITJ For Telling My Family To Help Or Stop Complaining About My Father's Care?
“My father is in his 80s. A couple of years ago, he had a fall and while he’s recovered some, he’ll never be able to walk without assistance.
He isn’t paralyzed, but cannot handle anything from the waist down on his own. He can’t use the bathroom alone, needs help bathing, etc. After leaving the hospital, he was sent to a rehabilitation center. After several meetings and evaluations, it was determined that my father would likely never be able to live alone again, he’d always need round-the-clock care as well as attending physical therapy to keep his strength up.
This was very hard on him and his mental health has declined since, but he also refuses to speak to a therapist.
My sister and I both work long hours, have children of our own, and neither of our houses are really equipped for him to live in.
Even if we could get approved for a nurse for the hours we and our spouses work, it would not be an ideal situation. My father has even said he doesn’t want to live with us, he wants to be in his own place. He doesn’t understand why that’s not possible, despite several people explaining it gently (us, doctors, social workers, etc).
We tried to look into getting him a new apartment (he had to give it up when he initially went to rehab) along with financing through the state for round-the-clock care but financially, we would still have to pay too much out of pocket. My father gets social security, has a pension, and has savings, but it still would only cover it for a few years and then we’d be back to square one.
The only thing all three of us can afford is the nursing home. It’s a great place, we vetted it a lot and check in on him regularly. I understand the stigma, but it truly is the safest place for him.
My father is still miserable and will make that clear.
I often get calls from family members (his siblings, my cousins, etc) asking me why I won’t help him. I explain they don’t know everything and even when I explain, they claim if I really cared, I’d work it out. Recently, my aunt reached out and said my father had called asking if he could move in with them.
She was very upset and asked why I wasn’t doing more. I laid it all out for her and she still insisted that if I really cared, I’d do more. She then went on to say that my father worked two jobs my entire childhood to provide, I should break my back to make it work.
I got upset and told her to “put up or shut up”. She was flabbergasted and I continued, saying if she was really a caring sister, she would’ve helped more than guilt us over the past few years. So until she was ready to give money or emotional support, she could get lost.
My dad’s side of the family is livid with me. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Dealing with elderly family is alway a tough situation. Worse so when someone is against leaving or receiving care. The family has no right to demand anything that they themselves will not supply.
As it sounds you have gone through all the hoops of finding good care that suits his needs (as outlined by a medical professional). Unless the family can come back with a real reason (neglect by facility, etc.) do not worry you are doing your best. Continue being there and best of luck.” Helpful_Candidate_92
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Taking care of older family members is hard and can be financially draining. Which is why conversations about what ifs in the future should happen when everyone is healthy and in the right mental state of mind. I’m forever grateful my grandfather saved saved and saved some more so when he passed he had plenty of money to take care of himself and my grandmother without having to rely on their children for financial help.
So we were able to provide the emotional support without excess stress. I couldn’t imagine what life would have been like for my mom and her siblings if they had to take on everything like you. I’d stop answering their calls. Protect what peace you have.” PettyLabetty
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your Aunt should have asked the question awhile back “how did you come to the decision to put him in a nursing home” and then actually listen to what you had to say. Instead she reacted emotionally to what her brother said by attacking you, instead of really trying to understand what was going on.
This is tough on all of you, I’m sorry. Your dad must find all of this just overwhelming. And many men of his generation won’t see a therapist. Good luck.” PilotEnvironmental46
12. AITJ For Pressuring My Wife To Attend Work Social Events Despite Her Discomfort?
“I work in a job where socializing and networking is very important.
I make good earnings as of right now, but have a lot of ambition to rise higher at my current company. My wife stays home with our two children (2M and 4M).
The company is owned by “Eva” who my wife really struggles to be around.
Eva inherited the company from her dad and is very princessy and spoiled, and I get why my wife doesn’t like her. I actually do like her, but it is an acquired taste. The other woman my wife doesn’t like is “Claire” the CEO’s wife.
Due to my position she had to entertain Claire a couple of times over the summer and hated it. She said she is annoying, spoiled, and “setting women back.” We also had to attend Eva’s birthday party a couple of months ago, and my wife told me after the fact how uncomfortable it made her.
She feels like it is a fashion show and she can’t compete with the other women and she feels like Eva and Claire are laughing at her, but does not have specific examples.
Honestly Eva is gorgeous. Claire is not really my type, but I hear men around the office drooling over her.
I don’t know if my wife feels insecure, so I try to boost her confidence. She feels that Eva doesn’t like her and that she doesn’t fit in with the other wives, but again doesn’t have any examples. Saturday was the company Christmas party and she really didn’t want to go due to not having a cocktail dress, but I told her how important it was.
When we got there she whispered to me that Eva looked like a woman of questionable morals, so I knew that it wasn’t going to be a great night.
When we left the party, I could tell that my wife was fuming. She said that Eva made a joke about her being vanilla in bed. I believe her because Eva blurts out some weird stuff.
Honestly I think Eva got that from the guys at work but obviously she should not have said that. She also said that Claire “mom shamed” her for not having a nanny and implied we should prioritize date night over our kids. She admitted that she didn’t think Claire meant that maliciously and they were just talking about life.
I know Claire’s husband pretty well and he is pretty old-fashioned about his wife coming way before his children, not really our thing, but I don’t think Claire was trying to be mean.
I validated that Eva and Claire should be more careful about what they say and thanked my wife for sucking it up for the night.
She said that was the last work social event she would be attending. I said I know she hates them, but it is very important to my career. The people at the executive level all have spouses who fit in well and socialize. She said she didn’t care and she would no longer be making herself uncomfortable.
I ended up snapping at her that she was being selfish and somewhat childish. I know it isn’t fun, but lots of things in life aren’t fun and this is the nature of my job. She was very upset and said I was invalidating her feelings, though I don’t see it that way because I agreed that neither of them should have said what they said.”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. You’re the one who is being selfish here. The woman you describe as “gorgeous” said something completely inappropriate to your wife, and you’re planning to subject her to that again. You are invalidating her feelings. The women you work with sound shallow and mean, and your wife doesn’t need to be around them anymore.
Out of curiosity, how would you have reacted had a male boss or boss’s spouse made the same comment to your wife?” MalsPrettyBonnet
Another User Comments:
“YTJ on so many levels. Your wife is your wife, she isn’t the First Lady. If you enjoy your toxic workplace, go nuts, but it’s not her job and she doesn’t have to entertain your coworkers or go to parties with them.
You also claim your wife can’t give examples of how these women are to her, but she gave you two just from one night. Also– am I reading right that Eva made that comment because YOU’VE BEEN TELLING GUYS AT WORK YOUR WIFE IS VANILLA?
If so, I hope she files for divorce immediately.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. “Honestly Eva is gorgeous. Claire is not really my type.” I hope to whatever higher power this post is fake, or else I hope your wife leaves for someone who doesn’t make such disturbing comments about women in his company being “his type”.
Please divorce your wife so she can find better.” Amarenesiac
So you stick to the toxic ******** workplace and wife files for divorce cos you end up as toxic as your boss and her chicane of mean girls the you bets hope they work round your visitation schedule and give you a payrise to compensate for your child support and spousal support
11. AITJ For Confronting My Sister About Favoring One Daughter Over Another?
“My (40m) sister (39F) has a daughter ‘Bethany'(17F) that lives with me and my wife (40F).
The reason she lives with us is because we are currently supporting her schooling and education. My sister has no idea how important the right support is, and has completely failed to give it.
She learned from my mother, so not her fault.
Today my sister called my niece to wish her Merry Christmas, it’s a nice thing to do, I appreciate that she wants to speak to her daughter on Christmas day. I am happy she made the effort.
But while on the call she tells Bethany about the expensive presents her sister ‘Jo’ (10F) got. All the while Bethany received nothing from her mother.
After I told my sister that it was a jerk thing to do, that she could have at least sent her a card, or messaged me to ask her to pick up a small gift for Bethany.
I said that by not making any effort beyond an easy video call she might as well have told Bethany that Jo is the favored child.
A short while later my brother messages me telling me I’m a jerk for saying this, and that I’m trying to drive a wedge between them.
I have been incredibly careful to keep any of this from Bethany, and have also been very careful in not telling my sister how badly my niece feels, (not just today, but has for a while.)
I probably spoke to my sister more harshly than I would have other people, but she only understands conflict.
She is the kind of person who thinks shouting is the only way to get your point across.
So, am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Just because people don’t like being told they’re being jerks doesn’t mean you’re a jerk for telling them.
Also, in this case, it feels a lot like you’re essentially filling a co-parenting role with your niece, and this is a valid and important conversation for a co-parent to have.” extensionpanic8366
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You have nailed the point entirely. She is alienating her daughter by doing stuff like this.
There’s no gentle way to put it. She can either accept it, and try to grow from it, or she can throw a tantrum and try to blame you instead. Sounds like she went with B. Sounds like the time for kid gloves is over.
Stop trying to make excuses for her poor behavior, and stop trying to shield your niece from it as well. Bethany has already likely come to the same conclusion. She doesn’t need your protection, she needs your support.” dmbase
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I also have a teen living with me whose parents aren’t stepping up.
Your responsibility is to your niece, not your sister, because you have taken on the role of nurturing your niece. You aren’t driving a wedge between them because you aren’t putting them against each other. You are telling your sister what she needs to hear.” tinyahjumma
10. AITJ For Rejecting An App Development Deal That Undervalues My Work?
“Last night, I (23F) met with a friend of a friend (30ishM) who had an idea for an app.
I’m a software engineer and have built a bunch of apps at work and in my spare time. I enjoy it and will work on my own stuff on the side. I’ve also built stuff for other people and a lot of the time they have big dreams, I sink a ton of time into building their app and then they give up on it when it comes to marketing the app to get users.
This really irritates me because it really feels like they don’t value my time.
This guy came to my apartment pretty late (late for me anyway lol. like 10 pm). I saw when he parked he had a Tesla so I assume he must have some money.
Anyway, he came in and told me his idea, and I was a bit skeptical about the idea itself, it is something that I felt comfortable building – just a standard cross-platform mobile app, database, serverless lambda functions for the API, etc…
We go through the idea and I ask some questions about it, I told him it would take me about 1000 hours to build, which is on the high side, but I like to leave some wiggle room for when the requirements change or when new features are wanted. I told him I charge $50 an hour.
He said he would want to offer me 5% equity in the company instead of paying me. I asked him how much he was investing, and he said he is just paying for things as they come up, but this is a billion-dollar app and 5% would make me millions of dollars.
I told him I would be putting $50k worth of my own time into it, so I would expect him to put $950k into the company so that I’m not being undervalued.
He said that was outrageous, that if he put $950k into the company he would just hire developers on the margin (what does that even mean???).
That I was being greedy and this idea will be worth a ton, so he is being very generous with his 5%.
I replied to that and said, in that case let’s do 50/50, and he said there is no way that is fair, it’s his idea and he has to do all the legwork figuring out how to get the app into the Google Play store and apple app store (I’ve done this a bunch of times, its not hard…).
He then said the best he could do is 10%, but I would have to put $10k in too. I just said no, nothing is stopping me from just building this app and giving 50% to a marketing person to hustle and build a user base.
That made him a bit angry and he said that me suggesting that I would steal his idea makes me a jerk and I’m incredibly immature, and he is just going to figure out how to outsource building it so he doesn’t have to deal with my poor attitude.”
Another User Comments:
“If the app flops you lose 1000 hours if it does well 5% ain’t ish. NTJ. It sounds like he is capable of selling the concept after you made it and you lose and he gets something. Get legal advice cause I feel like he is trying to take advantage of you OP.” King_Tik
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. He clearly has no idea what your time and skills are worth, but he’s got a very, very high valuation of his own. He brought up replacing you because he could make more money, and you did the same. But his offers were really just “you do all the work, and I’ll give you 5% of my fantasy.”” JurassicParkFood
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – I have no idea if the rates you suggested are competitive, but let’s assume that you’re asking for a ridiculous hourly rate just for the sake of argument. Even if this were the case you still would not be the jerk because his counteroffer of “0 dollars, but 5% share of my nonexistent product that you’ll be making for me” is laughable.
You offered him two really generous outs in case he was actually serious – the 950 investment or offering you 50%. After he rudely declined both and asked you to invest 10k, he can’t be surprised that you laughed him out of the room saying you’d just make it yourself and cut him out if you were that bothered. Also info – I bet the idea was something that already exists?
Did he at any point say “I’m more of an ideas guy?”” TheOtter91
9. AITJ For Asking My Stepchildren To Help With Thanksgiving Costs After My Husband's Illness?
“I f47 have been married to my husband m55 for 16 years.
I have no children of my own but have developed a close relationship with my stepchildren (obviously pseudonymous) Jane 28 and John 25.
Including assisting to support them through college.
My husband and I were established middle-class professionals until my husband got severely ill earlier this year.
My husband spent four months in hospital in critical care several weeks of that on a ventilator.
When he got home he had to go through intensive rehabilitation to be able to walk and breathe normally again.
He’s only recently been able to return to work.
The long period off work (including time I’ve taken off to care for him) coupled with enormous medical and rehabilitation bills has decimated our savings and left us with a pile of debt.
Now that we’re both back to work we are hoping to pay it off and rebuild our savings.
We host Thanksgiving every year for our families and it’s always a huge party.
Unfortunately, we just aren’t in a financial position to afford that at the moment.
I asked my husband if we might scale it back to just us and the kids but having almost passed away he really wants all of his family there and for it to be the same big event it always was.
As Jane and John are successful in their own careers and doing well financially I brought up asking them to help pay for some of the expenses.
My husband was adamant that we not ask them.
I know them very well and knew that Jane in particular would be upset that we would not be honest with her about our financial position.
I reached out to them against my husband’s wishes and explained the situation.
They were both happy to know the truth and offered to help before I even asked.
John works in finance and even offered to look over our situation over the holidays and try and help us build a better plan to get back on track.
My husband was furious when I told him. He said it wasn’t my place to meddle in their relationship.
I’ve never seen him this angry in all the time we’ve been married and I’m really starting to think I did the wrong thing.”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here – 1st. I’m so sorry you and your family have suffered this. That must have been an awful time. 2nd. It’s lovely you have such a great relationship with the stepkids 3rd. You asking them isn’t “meddling” with their relationship with their father – it’s odd that he isn’t referencing you as part of that family unit – you’ve been a part of their family for over half their lives!
4th. Your husband’s demand put you in an impossible situation. I understand where his demand is coming from, though – he wants things to be back to normal- but they’re not normal. I wonder if he’s received any trauma counseling considering what he has suffered.” TeepShow76
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Firstly, I’m so sorry for what you and your husband had gone through; that’s awful. Having said that, your stepchildren are adults and you’re showing respect for them and your relationship by being honest with them. Your husband shouldn’t have said you meddled in his relationship with his kids because it implies you’re not part of that relationship, and that you don’t have your own relationship with the kids.” EatLePie
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. John and Jane are adults, and a. wouldn’t want you and your husband to be struggling, and b. would be used to pitching in for shared events, rather than expecting daddy to pay for anything, unless they have been totally spoilt.
Not ideal to have got into a position where you did something your husband explicitly didn’t want to happen – but you two do need to have serious, honest conversations about money, and what your real position is.” Ok_Smell_8260
8. AITJ For Not Asking My Parents What They Wanted For Thanksgiving Dinner?
“Some background info, I am 28 and live on my own. Growing up I never celebrated Thanksgiving; my parents are estranged from their family, my mom is Eastern European and never celebrated it and my dad is just a loner who hasn’t talked to anyone in his family for 30+ years for reasons unknown to me.
I decided to have Thanksgiving ‘lunch’ at my apartment and invite my parents because again, never celebrated Thanksgiving and I wanted to.
I made two small, 3-lb turkey breasts, green beans, corn, mashed potatoes and gravy, rolls, stuffing (the kind from a box lol), mac and cheese (I used a recipe my friend made) and peach cobbler (store-bought) with vanilla ice cream.
My parents begrudgingly came over and literally complained about EVERYTHING even though I thought my food tasted good.
My dad wouldn’t eat the turkey because he doesn’t like turkey and said he would have preferred if I had made meatloaf. Would not eat the rolls I made because they were not Hawaiian rolls.
My mom was upset that the dessert was store-bought from Walmart and that she would have preferred Polish poppyseed cake, my dad also didn’t like the mac and cheese because it wasn’t Velveeta from the box lol. Then they proceeded to tell me that I was rude for not calling them beforehand to ask them what they wanted for Thanksgiving and that I didn’t buy beer for my dad (I don’t drink).
They didn’t finish their food and left without even thanking me or saying anything.
I’m alone in my apartment crying because I just wanted them to be happy and proud of me and for us to enjoy a meal together and now I keep ruminating about how I should have asked them what they had wanted to eat instead of just cooking things that I wanted to.
I feel like a jerk. Was I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“I guess you know now why your father hasn’t talked to anyone in his family for over three decades. It’s because nobody wants to talk to him. And your mom isn’t any better.
Just wait for when they invite you for whatever (Christmas?), and turn the tables on them. Then cut their toxic selves off. Oh, and try to get in contact with the relatives your father is estranged with. NTJ.” melympia
Another User Comments:
“Yiiiiiikes. NTJ. I realize that your mother in particular is probably fairly unfamiliar with a traditional Thanksgiving dinner, but hey, I live in Australia and I understand what you did.
Also, I think you might now have some insight into why your parents are both estranged from family. I guess there are cultures around where “phone your guests and ask them for food orders like a needy restaurant” is a thing, but I have never personally come across it.
Many blessings upon the universe for THAT small mercy. Yeeesh. Sorry that your gesture was so unappreciated. In the future, I’d suggest saving your effort for people who’ll actually say thank you.” Rowanever
Another User Comments:
“I’m so sorry. It sounds like a lovely meal. It’s too bad your parents are such jerks.
NTJ. Hosts should inquire whether their guests have any dietary restrictions (obviously, there’s no need to if you know them as well as your parents); but otherwise, hosts do not ask their guests what they want to eat when invited for a meal. Polite guests, if they don’t like something, just don’t take any of that food, or take a tiny portion and hope the host doesn’t notice.
Polite guests also don’t complain whether a particular food is to their taste and certainly don’t complain that something isn’t homemade or that they would prefer something else instead. Even if the meal is atrocious, polite guests just eat what they can, claim they’re “too full to eat another bite,” and thank their host for the delicious meal.” SamSpayedPI
7. AITJ For Pointing Out My Step-Mom's Double Standards Towards My Step-Brother And Me?
“When I (19F) was 15, my stepbrother (Jake-17M) began living with us. Us being me, older sister (20F), dad (44M) and stepmom (42F). My stepmom is the only mom I’ve ever known, I call her mom but for clarity I’m adding the step.
Anyways, Jake started out meh but after a few months he became annoying. He was aggressive and always had a really nasty attitude and although it was mostly directed toward my parents, it still sucked.
Plus my parents never actually punished him. And surprise surprise his behaviour worsened. He began stealing, drinking, and was a nightmare at school.
My parents were always being called to pick him up because he always managed to get into trouble.
Because of Jake’s behaviour, my sister and I became last-minute thoughts and my parents barely ever talked to or about us. It was always Jake this and Jake that.
Now, despite his behaviour, Jake isn’t all that bad. We hardly talk but he’s nice. He only fights with my parents and has helped me out a few times. My problem isn’t with him necessarily but with the way he acts out and how my parents prioritize/baby him.
Now the incident:
Jake lost a hockey game and came home upset. My stepmom asked him to relax and he told her to go away. He went out later and came home again but this time he was intoxicated.
My stepmom just let him sleep and even kissed him goodnight.
Now this upset me. I told her that when I came home slightly tipsy ONCE when I was in high school she grounded me for two freaking weeks.
She told me now wasn’t the time but I told her that she has some serious double standards.
That I get that he’s her actual son and I’m not her actual child but this was all so unfair.
She told me that the “actual child” comment was uncalled for and that she had raised me for most of my life and deserved better than that.
My dad who had been listening the whole time told me not to be rude but I ignored him and her and then went to my bedroom.
This happened last night and she’s acting like everything is fine but my dad is giving me the silent treatment.
I asked him if he was being serious and he said that I wasn’t allowed to say those things and that I should apologize because my stepmom is so upset.
I refused and am confident I’m not the jerk but I do feel a little regretful about mentioning our b***d relation.
Say what you will but she did raise me after all.
So, am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, double standards like that aren’t okay. Ask her what would happen if you came in the house told her to go away then went out and came home intoxicated. How would she react to that?
Kiss you and tuck you into bed? Ask your father the same.” MadQween
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, I wouldn’t feel like she cared about me as her ‘actual child’ either if she did that. I’m really sorry you and your siblings are going through this, even your brother, they’re enabling a very dangerous life path for him.
I wish I had some better advice, but the best I have is to move out ASAP, you can try to help your brother a bit but in the end there’s only so much you would be able to do.” Tokyolurv
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but you are understandably upset about what’s been going on and how you feel pushed aside so you lashed out at your step-mom in a way you know would be hurtful (and you definitely knew so yeah tiny bit jerk).
The big issue here is the way your parents are enabling your stepbrother AND simultaneously making you and your sister afterthoughts in the process. Ask your stepmom for some one-on-one time together out of the house and away from others. Start by apologising for saying something so hurtful about your b***d relation.
Then talk to her about how sad you feel over the way you get ignored and your stepbrother gets so much attention even when he’s awful.” Substantial-Fox-4905
6. AITJ For Reading My Mom's Psych Assessment After She Lied About My Birth Certificate?
“I (18f) have a complicated relationship with my parents. They’re divorced and have been in and out of court for years, and I have gone through periods of wanting to disown both. At the moment I live with my mom and visit my dad occasionally.
I planned to go to Europe this September to work as an au pair, but, because I was under 18 when I applied for the visa, I needed my birth certificate. Both parents claimed not to have it and sent vile messages to each other because they were convinced the other had it and just wanted to make the other look bad.
I tried to be neutral, but I knew (based on who had the documents last) that my Dad most likely had the originals, so when he tried to fight with me about it I defended my mom by saying that if she had them, we would definitely know because she is good at organization.
We couldn’t find it in time, so I’ve had to delay my trip by 2 months (I could apply once 18)—not to mention the extra time, money, and stress it’s caused. It also meant I couldn’t go to bars/pubs with my friends as my passport (the only ID I can get atm) had to be kept at the embassy until I could reapply.
Last week, when I was looking through files trying to find my national insurance number (with permission). I found copies of my birth certificate in the first folder. It was the first thing I saw. I was literally shaking I was so angry—so I text my mom to confirm what I was looking at, then my dad and my sister (hers were missing and then found as well).
Turns out my mom had sent even more nasty texts than I thought, as well as accusing my sister (16) of stealing and destroying them.
I saw red—4 months of my life were ruined because of her, I couldn’t go to goodbye parties for my friends going off to uni, I nearly lost my job as an au pair because of it, plus all the money, etc wasted. The worst thing was that I trusted her so implicitly that I’d defended her—even when she was being horrible to my dad, I believed her when she told me she didn’t have it.
The next document I saw was the psych assessment. This was an in-depth analysis of both my parents’ psyche (though my mom only had access to hers + a summary of my dad’s). It was court-ordered in 2020. When she got it, my mom read me parts and then summarised the rest. She would say that I’d read it when fighting with my dad, which, as far as I was concerned, was basically true.
When I saw it, I thought, how do I know she’s telling the truth about it if she could lie about the birth certificates? If I’m going to say I’ve read it, shouldn’t I actually read it?
So, I read it.
It was condemnatory. My mom had left out MASSIVE parts. When she got home, I decided to tell her I’d read it—I didn’t want to, but I wanted to be honest. She thinks I’m the jerk, even though she admits she would’ve done the same, and ‘so would 99% of people’.
Now she keeps waffling between ‘trying to make it up to me’ and extreme anger.
So, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Normally reading other people’s medical information is very bad. However, your mother already read parts of this report to you, and she claimed she had shared the entire report with you.
Let me guess, she shared whatever painted your dad in a bad light and left out issues of her own? She can’t rightfully complain about privacy after trying to weaponize the assessment. NTJ.” nwfn
Another User Comments:
“She was telling both you and your father you’d read it, and made it seem like it was information she’d consentingly already shared with you, so how would it have been inappropriate to glance at it?
You were trying to make sure you weren’t making the same mistake – of trusting her honesty and being misled, and that she wasn’t involving you in deliberate lies/warfare. It’s the only reasonable action I can see from here? What should you have done?
Told her you’re not sure she’s lying, now, about her psychological assessment, and to please tell you, but you respect her too much to check directly? That wouldn’t have gone better. NTJ.” zimrose
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She already read parts of it to you before, she left it somewhere that she knew you were looking, and you aren’t telling everybody what exactly was on it.
All of that, with the fact that she says she would’ve done the same, completely NTJ.” kittakxna
5. AITJ For Wanting To Display My Deceased Sister's Painting Despite My Husband's Discomfort?
“I (34F) had one sibling (25F when she passed) who died in a car crash just 3 months after her wedding. It has now been 12 years since her passing. We were very close and more like best friends than sisters. My now husband (38M) “Adam” (my sister’s widower) was a constant presence in my family’s lives even after her death as he would visit my parents regularly and they dote on him very much.
5 years ago we started getting close and got married 2 years later.
My sister used to paint as a hobby and had left behind 8 paintings, my parents took 2 for themselves, I took 3, and my parents gave away the rest to her close friends. They offered Adam to take any he wanted but he refused. I really liked the 3 paintings and displayed them in my apartment proudly before getting together with Adam as I felt closer to my sister but once we became a thing the paintings seemed to upset him so I kept them in storage instead.
I understand everyone grieves differently and for Adam anything associated with her triggers him and he goes back to that awful day when he found out she was gone. We have no pictures of her at our house or any mementos left by her.
All this time I’ve been understanding but I feel like I’ve completely erased her from my life and brought up the subject of displaying one painting to commemorate her in our house the other day.
Adam shut the idea down immediately and refused to even hear my side. I was hurt by this as I’ve been considerate of him all these years but he didn’t even think to consider my feelings about the situation. It worsened when I suggested grief counseling together today which made him even more upset (he wasn’t yelling but was clearly distraught by me continuing the subject) he said he already went through grief counseling and my insistence is just opening old wounds.
I was angry at the time and told him why did he ever consider marrying me when the thought of her makes him this upset and knowing how much she meant to me. He told me he can’t handle me or this conversation anymore and went to his brother’s to cool off as “he doesn’t want to say anything he’ll regret later”.
Now all alone I’m thinking I might’ve taken things too far.
AITJ here?”
Another User Comments:
“ESH. You married your late sister’s husband? That’s just wrong. Did he marry you because you look like your sister? Because clearly he wasn’t ready to be in another relationship if he hasn’t healed from that one.” throwaway9455370
Another User Comments:
“Surely, the fact that your husband was once married to your deceased sister is a contributing factor here. I’m not saying there’s anything wrong with marrying a sibling’s spouse after they pass on, but I have to imagine that the particular situation creates nuances that are not typically present.
No jerks here, bordering on NTJ. You are allowed to remember and honor your sister, and your husband is allowed to grieve his late wife. I wish I could tell you how to do those things simultaneously. Best wishes – it’s tough, but I’m sure you will find a way to make it work.” If-By-Whisky
4. AITJ For Threatening To Leave My Mom's Birthday Dinner Over Her Complaints?
“My (35) mom’s birthday was in late July. It’s a tradition to go out to dinner at the place of their choice. My dad was pushing that we go out and my mom didn’t seem really in the mood but said okay. As the hostess is leading us to a booth, my mom is ragging in my ear every five seconds not to tell them that it’s her birthday (they’d announce it to the whole restaurant, grab lighting fixtures, and wave them around, all that jazz) and I laugh but don’t say anything.
You can hear others are getting their birthdays shouted out. I laugh, shake my head, and look up at our fixture. I wonder if one’s ever fallen down. This prompts Mom to hiss at me again while she’s showing coupons for a free appetizer for her birthday to the server.
I laughingly say, “Why would I need to tell them? You already have.”
After the appetizer is served, she’s still sniping about it. This has gone on for nearly 30 minutes. I’m sick of hearing it.
What did I do? I tell her quietly but firmly, “If you don’t stop with this, I’m going to ask them to box up my meal, pay for it and I’m going to get an Uber home.”
She immediately stops talking and doesn’t say anything for the rest of the meal. Neither does my dad. I realized she’s probably embarrassed but I don’t apologize. We’d told her we weren’t going to say anything at least twice. Since she doesn’t seem interested in talking or being nice at all, I don’t address her for the rest of the evening.
Fast forward to my birthday on October 1st, a Friday. I have been expecting the whole day that we are going to go out for a meal but I don’t feel well. I tell my dad that I’d like to go out for my birthday during the weekend.
He tells me we’ll be ordering whatever I want to go and eat here. I insist that I do want to go out, I’m just not feeling up to it that day. He repeats what he said before. I’m tired, I’ve had a lousy day at work, I’ve got a headache and I don’t understand what’s happening.
My mom then tells me the same thing. We’re not going out for my birthday, period. By this time, I’m in tears because my head hurts so bad and I’m confused and hurt. Then she tells me why:
“We’re never going out to eat on anyone’s birthday again because mine was so horrible.
No one spoke to me. I’m never doing that again.”
I cried but I went along with it this time.
She is basically punishing us by destroying a tradition we’ve had my entire life because she had one birthday that she was unhappy about. She does this kind of thing for everything where she’s unhappy with how things went for her.
Someone makes a comment she doesn’t like about her singing? She’s never singing again. I have examples like this that can go on forever.
Now I’m livid. I want to call her out for her petty behavior. I want to tell her that one bad birthday for her doesn’t mean she gets to ruin everyone else’s birthday for the rest of our lives.
WIBTJ?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Are you for real? You claim you are 35 years old but are carrying on like you are 2. If you want to go out for your birthday, go out but don’t cry like a big baby.” gentle_mama
Another User Comments:
“Everyone’s a jerk here. Nobody is acting their age at all. You’re both overreacting. Also: “my mom is ragging in my ear every five seconds not to tell them that it’s her birthday (they’d announce it to the whole restaurant, grab lighting fixtures and wave them around, all that jazz) and I laugh but don’t say anything.” If you simply just said you wouldn’t, you’d have likely avoided the whole mess.
Laughing makes it look like you’re setting her up to have them make a big deal about it. Then snapping at her out of nowhere while previously dancing around it just seems like another overreaction.” Kare6Bear6
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Wow. As someone who would be mortified if my family had the restaurant staff sing to me I feel for your mom.
All you had to say was ‘Don’t worry, we won’t do that’. Instead you laughed her off and looked at the fixture above your table. You know what you were doing. You spent your whole post talking about how you felt, did you even consider what your mom was feeling?” k2aries
3. AITJ For Being Upset Over My Partner's Haircut?
“I’m 25 M and my partner is 24 F. She has waist-length brown hair, it looks great. She takes care of her hair a lot for it to look the way it does.
She complains frequently about her hair, that it’s hard to keep it out of the way, it’s heavy and she’s starting to get headaches, hard to brush, etc. I tell her she could keep it in a bun most times so it’s out of the way but she never does.
Past week she started talking a lot about getting a trim, to get rid of the dry ends and I don’t have a problem with her doing that, hair needs to be trimmed up anyway. Well 2 days ago I was at work and she was off work and I came home and I looked around for her and she was in the bathroom so I knocked on the door.
She said to come in and she had a surprise
I walk into the bathroom to see that her hair is completely butchered. This is relevant, she’s not in cosmetology or has any knowledge on hair cutting that I know of. It was a little shorter than bob length and she tried to put some type of layers in it (think of a botched Karen haircut), one side was uneven by at least an inch and a half.
The bangs she tried to put were choppy and literally poking her eye. The back was uneven with some parts of the hair longer than the other.
I couldn’t help but stand there and cringe, it looked so, so bad. I told her straight up to please go to a salon to get it fixed, I’ll pay for it.
I was not going to lie to her about it so I told her it looks horrible. She was genuinely happy about her new haircut and I’m in disbelief. She got upset that I didn’t like it and that I was only with her for her “long hair”.
I told her that was not the case, it’s just that she completely botched her hair. She’s still mad at me for saying her hair looks horrible. Idk what to do, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ “She got upset that I didn’t like it and I was only with her for her “long hair”.
I told her that was not the case, it’s just that she completely botched her hair.” She doesn’t believe you and neither do I. First, the title of your post is “AITJ for being upset that my partner cut her hair?”, not “AITJ for being blunt about my partner’s bad haircut?” Second, you mentioned that she doesn’t like her hair being long because it’s difficult to maintain and gives her headaches and your response wasn’t to be supportive of her cutting it, which would actually solve the problem, but to suggest that she wear it in a bun sometimes.” Opagea
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. “I don’t have a problem with that, hair needs to be trimmed anyway.” Lol it sounds like you were into her hair. But guess what at the end of the day, she was the one that was going through all the pain to maintain, and let me go all cliché here, but not your body, not your choice, and hair grows.
You sound a little controlling.” Fancy_Table_2743
Another User Comments:
“Oof, this one is rough. On the one hand, it’s her body and her choice – she can cut her hair if she wants to and does not need your approval to do so. On the other hand – she tried to cut waist-length hair with no experience and bungled it completely.
In all honesty, your cue to reassure her was when she started dropping hints about a “trim” a while ago. The time to suggest she go to a salon and you could pay for it was then, not after she “butchered” her hair and came to you proudly about it.
All that said, YTJ for telling her “it looks horrible,” as there are a million other ways to say that without saying it. For her to be so excited about it and you to basically kick her in the face verbally is a jerk move, even if it did indeed look as bad as you say.” Schrute_Farms_BednB
She obviously is going through something if she has hacked her hair off with no actual experience of hairdressing or did she go to her usual place amd the sty.ist refused to cut her hair as short as she wanted it? This happens
2. AITJ For Kicking Out My Sister Who Doubted My Son's Paternity Based On His Skin Color?
“Back in April I (29M) was contacted by a past fling telling me we have a 2-month-old baby and since we only met a few times it took her a while to find me. We already got confirmation just to be sure that I’m the father and we’ve spent a lot of time together so my son can get used to me.
My mom and sister are still unconvinced he’s mine because his mother is Mexican and his skin color is almost the same as hers except a little lighter. But we have so many other similarities there’s no way (even if there hadn’t been a paternity test) he’s not mine.
Now they think I’m taking pity on the girl by taking in “another man’s kid.” For this, we stopped talking because I didn’t like that kind of attitude. I moved and am settled now in my new apartment closer to them and my son has started staying with me overnights.
My sister reached out because she was interested in meeting him. I took it as she’s coming around finally.
She showed up late and I had just put him down for a nap. Then I got a message from his mom that she was heading back to my place because we forgot she was supposed to drop off the car seat I left at her place last time.
So they were there at the same time. Off the bat, my sister was questioning her like if she was trying to catch her in a lie. Asking where we met, was she with any other guys, some comments about my son’s looks, and if she was with anyone of the same “ethnic background” as her around that time.
It got me pretty fed up since it was making her uncomfortable. Not like we haven’t been over the paternity test thing before. To me there was no reason to question her when we already have the physical proof I’m his father. The whole thing had soured my mood and I had my sister leave before my son even woke up.
So she’s pretty mad for kicking her out before even having the chance to meet him since she drove almost 4 hours over here. My sister says she just wanted to make sure I wasn’t getting played, again her suspicion is based on his skin color, and she has a right to demand answers since she’s only looking out for me.
And just wasn’t cool the way I acted over it. Now it’s like I’m a bad brother according to her and at least she cares about making sure I’m not raising someone else’s kid.
I’m still pretty mad about it honestly so that’s why I’m having doubts if I was really a jerk or not.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your sister and mom are being racist and insensitive. It’s pretty safe to assume that if they say that now to your face when he’s a baby, they’re going to continue saying that to him as he grows up.
Keep them at bay until and unless they begin to genuinely change. Congratulations and enjoy your baby!” Am_0116
Another User Comments:
“Ntj. Your sister didn’t drive 4 hrs to meet your son. She drove 4 hrs to question your paternity. People seem to forget how genetics work.
My daughter is mixed (father is white and I’m latina). My daughter is white. The next kid might be my skin color. Either way, both your mom and sister are being racist and I would go NC with them until they can get their stuff together.
Right now they will never be able to accept your son and it’s for the best to go NC than him growing up hearing stuff about his race and his mother “being a gold digger.”” plo84
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Yeah bro your sister’s questions are more liable than a proper paternity test, sure.
Your sister and mom are misogynistic and racist. I wouldn’t leave the child alone with them in any case. Tell her that you already got a test and you don’t need her rude questions for checking if the son is yours or not.” [deleted]
1. AITJ For Not Allowing My Roommate To Get A Service Dog Due To My Allergies?
“I (27f) live with my roommate(J) (30f). I own the house but she helps with bills and stuff.
J has seizures and anxiety. She takes medicine but it doesn’t always work and it’s really bad when it doesn’t.
She recently went to her doctor and they recommended that she get a service dog that would alert to her seizures and do deep pressure therapy.
Over the weekend she brought it up to me and told me what the doctor had told her. She said she had reached out to someone who bred service dogs already.
I was upset when I found out.
I am allergic to dogs, really badly.
It gets hard for me to breathe if I go into someone’s house and they have a dog. I can take some medicine but if there’s dog hair everywhere then it’ll only make it better and it’ll still be uncomfortable.
I told her that, and she had known that when she moved in.
She said that she would get a nonallergenic dog like a poodle or a Goldendoodle.
I still have allergies to those. It’s better, but still pretty bad and, again, medicine doesn’t completely help.
I told her that she has gotten on so far without one, and that if she got one it either couldn’t come inside or she’d have to move out.
J said that was unfair as she can’t afford to move anywhere else, and it’s something possibly life-threatening compared to discomfort.
She hasn’t made a decision yet but my family asked about it because she’s friends with them.
They think I’m being a jerk for threatening to kick her out when she has nowhere to go, and that she’d be getting a dog that wouldn’t cause allergies anyway.
J is also pretty upset with me about this.
I’m starting to think I should just let her get the dog and take the allergy pills and mild discomfort but I don’t know.
Am I the Jerk for saying she can’t stay with me if she got a service dog?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ I am disabled but I would never force someone with allergies like yours to live with a dog. Allergy meds eventually become less effective. You shouldn’t have to live like that in your own house. Dander and hair will hang around for years after.
She needs to make a choice and stick to it. Wouldn’t surprise me if she ambushes you and claims discrimination.” Fit-Distribution-252
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. You both have medical conditions, hers is a good reason to get a dog and yours is a good reason not to live with one.
It sucks, but it doesn’t seem like there’s any solution to this other than her moving out. It’s your house after all, you’re not obligated to suffer through allergic reactions because she thinks she can’t afford any other place.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here.
She has good reason to want a dog but it’s incompatible with her living situation since you are allergic. You shouldn’t be made to live with a dog and suffer. Unfortunately, it seems like the best solution is for her to find another living arrangement.” leftyontheleft
