People Just Want To Make Things Right In These “Am I The Jerk?” Stories
21. AITJ For Telling Store Employees Not To Help Me?
“I (M24) was in town yesterday, trying to find a good water bottle because my old one went bad (yes water bottles can go bad). I like plastic ones with the sorta chewy tops, you know the ones.
So I stopped by a few stores to look, then went to this sports shop. I mean obviously, they would have water bottles, right?
Well, I was looking around the aisles and didn’t really see any and I suppose an employee saw me rushing around and offered to help.
I told her I didn’t need any help and kept looking by myself. I hate talking to employees, it’s honestly just a waste of time.
All fine and good…except like 10 minutes later a separate employee goes up to me again?? I was honestly getting kind of annoyed at that point because the other woman JUST asked me the same thing.
Were they just watching me? Like leave me alone, dude.
So I started to get creeped out and felt like I was being followed so I got my water bottle (which I successfully found!) and spent the next minute or so going around the store telling everyone I could find wearing a name tag to not talk to me because I DO NOT NEED ANY HELP.
I got a few weird looks, but honestly was I really acting so strangely? I feel like it should’ve been the first employee’s job to tell the rest of them that I’m fine shopping on my own.
Anyway, I told my partner about it casually when I came home and she said that was incredibly rude and I “embarrassed myself”.
I don’t know how to feel about this, I’m pretty sure I’m in the right though??”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ bro, that’s how it works in most stores, they ask you if you need help because you literally needed the help. You were just too stubborn to actually take it.
I get not liking to talk to people, I like limited interactions when I’m outside, but I don’t get mad at the employees. If you visibly look lost, which you probably did since you couldn’t find the bottle in like 10 to 15 minutes, they’re going to come and try to help.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. So I used to work at Target and we were trained to go up to every single guest and ask if they needed help and it’s not like an entire department or store is going to call out that they helped a red-headed guy with glasses so don’t ask him.
I was once the third or so person to ask an older lady if she needed help and she basically did the same thing you did. It’s a flaw in how people are trained to ask everyone no matter what. The department and I eventually quit asking everyone unless it looked like they were lost and that solved the issue.” deathfromace1
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. It is the employee’s job to ask every customer if they need help finding something. It is not their job to inform the other staff members, some do it out of curiosity but most don’t. What you did was extremely rude, childish and you absolutely did embarrassed yourself to every staff employee there, and are most likely the joke for their shift. If you dont want an employee asking you something that partains to their job, then don’t go into retail stores.
They weren’t harassing you, they were doing their job. Clearly you need to learn some manners when it comes to retail employees and what they have to do for their job.” Demons_EnthusimQueen
20. AITJ For Being Upset That My Mother-In-Law Shared My Pregnancy News Without Permission?
“I’m pregnant! I just reached the end of the first trimester, and I’ve been so excited to wait until the end of the ‘danger zone’ to start telling extended family. The greatest mistake my husband and I made was being so excited that we told our immediate family soon after I found out (at 5 weeks) and best friends (at 6).
It’s our first child and the first grandchild, so we were a bit overwhelmed and excited!
Come Mother’s Day last week (in the US), MIL texts husband around 5 am “Can I start telling people yet? I’m too excited to wait!” It was a day off, so hubby and I slept in, didn’t respond until 8 am or so.
Come to find out, she already told around a dozen people ‘she’s going to be a grandma’, and one of them within 5 minutes of her text.
I was mad. This was our announcement to make, our news to share, and she took that from us by telling these family members.
Not only that, but it was still in the first tri (which I was very paranoid about), albeit only by a week. And she did this on Mother’s Day (her argument being I’m not a mother yet and she’s a 1st-time grandma, she deserves to tell people her news).
Her birthday was exactly a week later. We didn’t see her for Mother’s Day because of scheduling, but we went for her birthday… where she said she told 4 more people over the week. I blew up at her, saying she’s intentionally breaking my wishes of holding off until we’re ready to share our news, and that she’s overstepping and ruining this for us.
Hubby calmly told her that we’re upset, she was wrong, and we left.
Hubs is equally upset by this, but he is a calm angry where I’m explosive. I thought our anger was completely justified until I spent the last 2 days receiving messages from family members who shouldn’t have even known I was pregnant yet, saying we’re jerks for ruining her day and that I should be grateful to have such an excited MIL.
That I’m wrong because it’s her right to be excited and tell people she’s a grandma. That we broke our own rule by telling friends (our 2 best friends and best men at our wedding). That we are stuck up and ruining her happiness. 2 days of messages and I’ve been thinking I shouldn’t have been so upset and yelled, that I’m blowing it out of proportion and am being ungrateful.
Husband is literally sick with guilt since his mom called him crying, and we both just feel bad, to be honest.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, and I think you should tell those people to stay out of your business. You aren’t ruining MIL’s happiness, because it’s your baby, your happiness and you have the right to share the news with whomever you please and you shouldn’t have to worry about someone taking that away from you.
I suggest you grey rock MIL for the rest of the pregnancy and go low contact, and keep your answers brief if she tries to pry it out of you. It’s wonderful that she’s excited, but that doesn’t excuse the fact that she overstepped your boundaries and disrespected you and your husband by doing so.” Reddit User
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She was in the wrong the minute she started telling people before she had communication from you that it was okay, and she knows this because she knew enough to ask for permission in the first place. She ruined her own day by destroying your special event and thinking she would get a free pass because of what day it was?
I predict she will be one of those overbearing grandmothers who ‘knows best’ and doesn’t follow any of your rules….” TrainingDearest
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You had every right to be mad. Even if you broke your own rule, you’re not breaking the law, you’re parents-to-be impulsively announcing it to your friends, which you have every right to do.
It is your choice. Sorry for the intermittent all caps, but I am annoyed on your behalf. Grandma is either guilt-tripping you or upset and deservedly so. Or both. Re-reading it says that she is definitely trying to guilt-trip you by saying you should be grateful that she’s so excited. I won’t go the typical route of this sub and say she’s a narcissist, but she’s making it all about her.
You should not feel guilty in the slightest.” Reddit User
19. AITJ For Getting Upset At My Partner's Excessive Drinking?
“My partner (34) and I (33f) have been seeing each other for a little over a year.
He has always been a heavy drinker – honestly, he doesn’t know how to control it and then there’s me, not a big drinker so much. I can go out for an evening and just drink water or a pop and not care.
Last night we went out with another couple. Obviously, they were drinking to get hammered, but as the responsible adult, I don’t have a drink while driving.
I was okay with the beers my partner was drinking, whatever, but then he got into hard liquor and I told him I would go home if he continued taking the shots because I get uncomfortable when he gets overly intoxicated.
He got so mad at me and started an argument in the bar in which his friend made a comment about him always seeing crazy girls.
I worry about him when he drinks a lot especially since he has high blood pressure and I worry about his other triggered addictions when he drinks.
This morning he was so angry at me saying that he is ready to be done with me because of our interactions at the bar yesterday.
I feel like I’m the jerk because I judged him. I feel like I shouldn’t have said anything and just let him do what he wanted to do and I feel like I’m nagging him but it’s always for good reason and the safety of him.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ for being upset about the way he treats you when he drinks too much. He has to take responsibility for that. If he has a problem, the responses you get on here will not convince him of that. You have a big decision to make now.
Either you stay with him but accept that he may not stop drinking anytime soon or you step away and when you are ready find someone who does not drink.” Whatsideofchange
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. But I hope you see this. “I feel like I’m the jerk because I judged him.
I feel like I shouldn’t have said anything and just let him do what he wanted to do and I feel like I’m nagging him but it’s always for good reason and the safety of him.” The way this section is worded, this doesn’t sound/feel as if it’s coming from the truth that you already know.
Trust your initial instincts here… “I get uncomfortable when he gets overly intoxicated.” That’s your gut telling you to get away. Sounds like it happens too much. I believe you when you say that you are the “responsible one.” By that alone I feel you should know that your priority is taking care of yourself, first. You’ve got the warnings, and now it looks a lot like he’s manipulated you into believing all these “I” statements…but again, you’re smart and here you are looking further.
Trust yourself. He doesn’t seem like a good guy. Read your last paragraph again and just be honest with yourself. I think you’re looking for a better man. One who you don’t have to babysit. Good luck.” thmjim
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Get out now before the verbal violence turns physical. Unmingle any finances, start a new account in your name only, and change your direct deposit to the new account.
Take whatever you put into any joint checking and savings and move it to your new account, and take your name off those accounts. It’s best to sit down with someone in one of the bank offices and tell your story – you’re preparing to leave your violent, heavy-drinker partner and you need your own accounts separate and safe from him.
The employee has probably dealt with something like this before and can be super helpful.
Are both of your names on the lease? That means you have to tell the landlord that he’s become violent as he’s become a heavy drinker, and you fear for your safety.
You may be able to get your name off the lease with no penalty that way. If you have enough money, get a new place and move everything that belongs to you out while he’s at work. Obviously, this requires friends, or at worst pro movers.
If you don’t have enough to get into a new place, put your things in storage and stay with a friend or relative as you save.
Contact your cell phone provider and ask for a new number, again telling them you are leaving a violent heavy drinker and don’t want him to be able to contact you.
Inform work, which I know is embarrassing, but they need a picture and they need to know he’s violent and you’ve left him. They can’t help you if you don’t keep them in the loop. I know this is hard, and probably feels impossible, but you can do it.
I’ve had friends who have left violent men, and this is the basic template for a ‘how to’. Others may have experience or suggestions to add. You do have to leave before he hurts you because he’s so intoxicated he doesn’t know what he’s doing.
You can do this, and there’s lots of support available that’s been listed already. I’m sure folks will add even more. He’s not a wounded bird that you can heal if you just love him enough. He’s a man choosing to indulge his disease despite the consequences to you and himself.
Nothing you do will fix him, so save yourself now and don’t let him do something that can’t be undone. I truly wish you the best.” Viola-Swamp
18. AITJ For Letting My Parents Arrange Matches Knowing I Will Reject Them?
“I (24) come from a somewhat conservative background, so most of the people here get married via arranged marriages where the parents select the guy/girl and then the families meet, and if they think the 2 could be a match they proceed with it.
Let’s be clear, my parents are not forcing a guy on or deciding the guy for me, I will have the final call always if I want to marry a particular person or not, but they feel that I would need to marry anyway.
Meanwhile, I am just not interested in marriage, neither am I seeing anyone nor wish to do so.
I just don’t want to marry anyone, be it a guy of my choice, or a guy my family chooses. My family insists that I would feel the need to get married when I see my friends get married and have a kid and feel lonely and sad then but by then it will be too late, but I just feel like I am happy the way I am and don’t wish to change this for anything.
I have had this conversation with my parents time and again but they don’t listen, so I have devised a plan.
I would not stop them from finding matches for me, or tell them anything, but I would decline these matches when I meet them for any possible reason.
In this way, I would get rid of the daily quarrels and arguments over the topic and they would also keep being fake hopeful that one day it might happen for real.
I think I’m the jerk because I’m giving them a sense of fake hope here, but I can’t deal with the same argument every single day.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. At least not to your parents. The prospective groom can probably handle the rejection as well as long as you are kind and considerate. They aren’t the ones making your life difficult with daily arguments. Maybe you can find someone who wants more of a friend/roommate situation.
And you both get to live your personal lives free from parental interference. I don’t know how likely or difficult that is and if it is even any better because someone would always be around.” Few_Improvement_6357
Another User Comments:
“You are 24..and your parents will bring you down with their emotional barging..happens every time in this culture(mine too).
I was 23 once and thought the same, that I will outsmart my parents. They weighed me down with parents going to die argument. Got me married at 25. Lasted 4 months. I am 34 and happily single now. Yes, being single after 30 comes with challenges, a lot. Not only in our culture but everywhere (was in New York when a 27-something asked me ‘how does it feel to be 30 and without a ring’).
You will get judged by women, and men will hit on you creepily. I honestly do not mind them, the pros outweigh the cons. And you will too. Marriage isn’t the absolute necessity and you will have pretty awesome stories to tell!” Competitive-Bar-9419
Another User Comments:
“Gentle YTJ. I’ve been in almost your exact same situation, and actually went through with meeting a guy (I’m a lesbian, and my parents wouldn’t accept it). Honestly, the guilt kept me awake at night. The guy I ended up meeting actually didn’t reject me despite my best efforts lol, and my parents wouldn’t let me reject him for the longest time, and the whole thing ended up a huge emotional awful mess.
In the best-case scenario when meeting a guy, you’ll be wasting his valuable time, but in the worst-case scenario, you really could end up hurting him. That being said, I can’t say I have a solution. My “solution” was asking my parents to give me a year of being single, which is almost up.
We’re all living in denial. So yes, ultimately YTJ, since you’re selfishly choosing your convenience over these guys’ well-being, but I get why you’re making this decision, and there’s no easy path here. I’m sorry you’re going through this.” HopingForAWhippet
17. AITJ For Wanting To Confront My Ex-Wife About Pressuring Our Daughter To Share Her Therapy Sessions?
“My daughter (10) sees a therapist.
She hates therapy. We’ve tried 5 or 6 therapists that would last a maximum of two sessions. She never opened up and it was a waste of time for all involved.
Recently, we found a therapist she absolutely adores. Things have been going well, and she finally started opening up.
After her last session, I mentioned to my daughter that if there’s ever anything she wants to ask me or share about therapy, I am always here to listen, but that under no circumstances should she ever feel like she has to tell anyone what she talked about in therapy.
I was very pointed in telling her that I am not now, nor will I ever ask what they talk about.
She looked embarrassed and I asked her what was wrong. She told me that her mom asks her what they talk about in therapy and that she feels pressured to tell her, and always ends up caving.
Yesterday I spoke with the therapist about it before their session and expressed that not only is it inappropriate to ask/pressure, but that I’m worried my daughter is going to end up shutting down again, and never continue long-term with a therapist because she’s never going to feel like she has a private and safe space to do it.
At the end of the session, and the therapist (with my daughter’s consent) spoke to me about the situation and how my daughter feels about it.
The rundown was:
1) She admitted that she still doesn’t fully share all of her thoughts, and has lied about a couple of things because she is scared mom will find out.
The therapist (in an appropriate way), told her she can’t do that anymore, as it will make it impossible to help.
2) She feels that her mom manipulates her into doing things she doesn’t want to do and her mom is “always going to do everything to get her way.”
3) She is worried that her mother manipulates me, and while she shares things with me, and trusts that I won’t tell anyone else, is nervous that her mom is going to somehow manipulate me into telling her too (which I assured her would never happen).
4) She wishes sometimes (when she’s at her mom’s) that we weren’t divorced so that she had someone there to stop her mom and to stand up for her before she gives in.
The problem is, I want to call my ex-wife out on all of that, but I know that it’s only going to put my daughter in the middle, and there’s really no way of me bringing it up to her without it being obvious that she shared all of those concerns.
I’m worried that it will only make things worse between the two of them.
I also don’t want to throw the therapist under the bus, because I know from experience that finding a therapist that matches your needs is super hard to find, and she’s done the best job by far of making my daughter feel heard, important, and respected. I’m also pretty sure my ex will want to ban her from seeing my daughter (I’d still let them meet on my time).
So WIBTJ for potentially throwing one or both under the bus?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Can the therapist tell your ex not to interfere? Sometimes it’s better to let someone else be the bad guy. I had something similar with an ex and the school nurse.
He wasn’t listening to me because he was dismissive about everything I said at one point. The nurse offered to be the bad guy for me and it worked. Your ex has to put this aside for her daughter’s sake. No one can explain it better than the therapist. It holds more weight coming from a professional. The therapist may go along with it because it is actually harming your daughter’s progress.
Present it to her as that and see if she’s willing to discuss it with your ex. Do not let this therapist go. It’s so hard to find a therapist. I’m struggling with the same and I’m on 3 different wait lists because my daughter did not like her therapist.” Liss78
Another User Comments:
“There’s no real right answer here imo. I’m no expert on anything in this subject but here’s how I see it. You are both a soft jerk and also a soft no jerks here. You are the jerk because: If you call out the mother she could somehow rain havoc on your daughter and cause her mental health to plummet more, and make her feel more guilty as you said, doing a call-out puts your daughter in the middle.
This could also destroy the trust she has placed into you. It should also be on the therapist to make sure no one is interfering with what happens in that room.
However, you are NTJ because: Leaving things as is could mean that this safe space your daughter has is unnecessary causing her to close up again.
Her mother interfering also destroys her mental health so good on you for trying to look out for your daughter and make sure she has a good head space. What happens in that room stays in that room, it’s like Vegas, and you’re trying to ensure that.
You’re in a rock and a hard place. Your heart is in the right place but there’s no correct answer I can see in this situation. Granted I’m not living it so I don’t have all the deets so I can’t give a correct answer, but from the outside looking in you’re going to have to choose a path that causes the least amount of damage while also ensuring your daughter can get the help she wants/needs.
Must say, I don’t envy you being in that situation.” That_on1_guy
Another User Comments:
“Maybe get your daughter involved? It’s entirely about her anyway and hopefully with her there in the room with you, it will help keep you calm and remind both of you that this is for her (instead of devolving into old marital disputes).
Don’t coach her or anything, but ask her how she’d feel about having a sit-down with mom together so she could tell her how she felt while being comforted by your presence (like feeling like she has someone in her corner). Don’t even mention the therapist themself at all, just focus on mom respecting your daughter’s privacy.
We don’t know mom. She could be doing this out of concern and has no ill-intent or doesn’t even realize she’s pressuring her. Obviously, there’s credence to what your daughter is saying or you wouldn’t be taking them as seriously as you are, but we can only speculate so much.
But the three of you talking it out together could be what is needed here. NTJ, but do this carefully and consider your daughter every step of the way.” echoCashMeOusside
16. AITJ For Calling Out My Uncle's Failures After He Made Fun Of My Inexperience With Girls?
“I (14M) obviously, have never had a partner, and everyone in my family knows that I’m not ready to start seeing someone, because I’m not a good-looking person, nor am I tall or athletic, most of the things girls want.
Despite that on Easter this year, my uncle (38M) decided to bring up my not having a partner and said it was “weird” and he’d “had many by the time he was 14.” I was at the table with my sister and younger cousins, while my oldest cousin and the adults were on the couches eating (my grandparents have a very small dining room, which is connected to the family room) so when I heard this I turned around and said: “I may not have ever had a partner, but at least I haven’t gone through 4 wives at 38.”
He didn’t seem fazed by it, but why I’ve never seen anyone is obvious and something I was very self-conscious about, so I was extremely upset that he brought it up, so I decided to hit him where it truly would hurt. I followed up my comment with “you’ve probably had so many wives because no one wants to stay with a criminal for long.” He was noticeably upset by that, but not hurt, so finally, I said “makes sense that you don’t think about what you’re saying; you’re too busy trying to be financially stable again after that leg amputation.”
Now he had very obviously regretted what he had said and apologized, but my mom was upset with me, not enough to ground me though. I accepted his apology and apologized for mentioning things he was self-conscious about, but I think I had a good reason because he had done the same to me many times.
This time I had just reached my breaking point. Anyway, am I the jerk for this? My cousins and my uncle’s wife think I am, but everyone else sides with me.”
Another User Comments:
“I’m a bit worried by your conception of what girls want.
Girls are not shallow, one-dimensional beings who are only interested in ‘Chads’. They’re whole human beings with dreams and interests and insecurities just like you. They’re worried that they’ll never have a partner because they’re not pretty enough (and society values women for their looks far more than men).
This is a bad place to be so if you’ve been sucked into this ideology have a critical think about it. I can tell you unequivocally that girls are not attracted to this sort of entitlement.” Enough-Builder-2230
Another User Comments:
“NTJ sometimes relatives will mercilessly tease kids but forget that one day those same kids will one day bite back.
Today was the day. Girls don’t care about height or looks. It is all about confidence, poise, and an IT factor. Something on the inside that shines on the outside. Look at films where a guy plays a nerd, then swaps to a hero, he is the same actor.
He doesn’t grow, or get more handsome, it’s all in his demeanor. Think about that. Helen of Troy had what it takes to start a war, but she wasn’t pretty.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“LOL NTJ YOU LITTLE LEGEND so here’s the thing: You’re 14.
Don’t worry about what you look like right now. Most of my friends were ugly little things until my mid-late teens. Finally, even if you don’t suddenly turn into a swan – work on that silver tongue humor you’ve got because trust me – we women love a great sense of humor.
I’ve seen so many different types of guys – short, tall, fat, thin, different ethnicities. They all were funny. Same with my friemds. And not to brag but we aren’t that ugly. I’m not a model but some of my friends have been and you’d be surprised how some of these guys look.
If you’re a kind person, funny as heck, treat women with respect, and aren’t a slob women will appreciate that. Your self-esteem is low because you’ve got jerks around you who think it’s funny to pick on a kid (it’s not) and probably the culture you’re growing up in.
But personality goes a really long way as long as you aren’t creepy and entitled around women I think it will all work out fine for you! I’m going to add to anyone who thinks it’s not ok to make fun of a person’s disability.
I’d usually say I agree. But if a disabled person makes fun of someone for something they can’t help to prop themselves up and make themselves feel better. In my opinion, it’s open season. Only dish out what you can take. Being disabled doesn’t mean you have a pass for being a jerk.” lending_ear
15. AITJ For Leaving My Parents' House After My Mom Took My Newborn To Visit Relatives Without My Consent?
“I’m visiting my parents for a week with my newborn. My mum is very “family is everything” and was talking about visiting her first and second cousins with the baby once we arrived. I told her I don’t want to because my baby is still small, her relatives don’t listen to boundaries like not kissing the baby on the face or mouth and also I just want to have some time for myself to relax for the first time since giving birth.
She dropped it, or so I thought and volunteered to take care of my baby while my dad drove me to my hair salon to get a cut. We got home a little while ago and nobody was home. Dad called Mum while I panicked and she said she’s taken the baby to her cousins’ houses and she will be back soon.
In Dad’s defense, he demanded she come back right now or he would get the police involved.
She brought back the baby and started acting like I am overreacting and being too protective. I couldn’t deal with her nonsense so I packed our bags and booked a hotel for the couple of days before my flight home.
Mum blew up my phone saying I’m taking her grandchild away from her and even my dad called to ask me to go home and said we could sort everything out calmly if I didn’t run away.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I went through a similar situation with my mother.
Grandmas getting grandkids is not a right, it’s a PRIVILEGE. And the “you’re taking my grandchild away” is a line I know VERY well. It’s a manipulation tactic. I would never allow the baby to be with your mom unsupervised. You would be completely justified in not allowing her near baby ever again.
As for your dad, there’s no “resolution”. She purposely broke boundaries and then gaslit you to believe that your boundaries are bogus and you’re doing too much. Absolutely not. Stay strong to your word and if I were you, turn your phone off/block them.
This is a critical time for you a baby. Take care of yourself OP and that baby. Wishing you the best.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“I was born a little premature in late October and my parents were very protective until the family wore them down that I just had to have my Christening and meet everyone at church over the holidays.
Then it was passing me around and kissing me because you can’t tell old women not to pass around Catherine’s first grandbaby. My first New Year’s was spent under an oxygen tent with Pertussis. My lungs are still scarred. Every winter my entire life has hurt because of it.
I am especially challenged by anything that gets into them and have been hospitalized multiple times over the years from pneumonia. You can imagine how much fun the past few years have been. Protect your baby. You are their only advocate. Displeasure won’t hurt adults.
Getting sick hurts babies.” Reddit User
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I have a 12-week-old granddaughter (she’s amazing I love being a grandma at 40) and when I have her I tell them every time I leave my house with her so they always know where we are.
Also, I ASK if I can take her places but I also go with how THEY parent. Being a grandmother is a privilege, not a right to do whatever you want with someone else’s child. She broke your trust and the one boundary you put to her.
She then came home and instead of apologizing, she doubled down acting like you’re overprotective. You took your daughter because she would have just kept it up and berated you. So at the very least no more unsupervised visits for Grandma until YOU feel able to trust again, even if you never do.
This is the consequence of her actions. She CHOSE to ignore you and leave as soon as she could. You say she’s all family is everything. So why aren’t YOU coming first as her daughter?? Why isn’t her grandchild coming first over some cousins? Maybe it’s time to sort out some boundaries for you and your child and the consequences they will face for breaking them.
Start as you mean to go on. BTW even IF you are overprotective, as a mom that is YOUR RIGHT!!!!!!!” Reddit User
14. AITJ For Trying To Comfort My Grandchildren After Their Mother's Death?
“My son was married to “Carrie” but they divorced two years ago. They have two children, 9 and 7. Three nights ago Carrie passed away in her sleep of what we suspect was a stroke but we don’t have the autopsy results yet.
The children were at their mother’s home when she passed but fortunately, they did not find her (her sister found her). Her sister called 911 and then called my son, who called us. The police took the children to the police station because their aunt was in distress and taken to the hospital. My son had to return from where he works so he asked his brother to pick the children up.
He arrived at our house first and we were comforting him when our other son brought the children into the living room. The children immediately ran to their father. Wanting to comfort the children I opened my arms to them and said words to the effect of, “come here, babies, it’s going to be okay.
You’re going to be okay.”
My son shot me a dirty look and turned the children away from me. Later on, when he’d put the kids down for a nap he told me that I had overstepped and was trying to usurp his position as their father and the person who is supposed to comfort them.
He accused me of overstepping.
All I was trying to do was comfort my beloved grandchildren. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. The kids were being comforted by their father. This was appropriate and you tried to interfere. He probably also needed them in his arms. You can’t tell someone that everything will be okay in a case like this.
They will be okay eventually, but they are not okay now. Their mom just passed. They are upset, heartbroken, and traumatized. The right thing to do would be to either sit quietly or leave the room and give them space. Trying to take them from their dad was making it about you.” tatersprout
Another User Comments:
“YTJ your manipulative language in this post is very telling. Stripping it back from all your loaded language you called his children to you so you could comfort them without letting their father control this situation. You said they immediately ran to their father and you actively called them away from him, stealing both his comfort from them and their comfort from him.
That’s active and purposeful action, you stepped between them in a time of trauma and tragedy, you attempted to turn their trauma into a bonding moment for yourself rather than letting them go to who they wanted comfort from which is what they needed. If they want your comfort offer it, don’t ask for it.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. You sit there and you wait until their embrace is over. You shut your mouth. And you don’t lie to them. It will never be okay. They are 7 and 9 and their mother is gone. Life will go on, the pain will become bearable, and they will learn how to live with a gaping hole in their hearts but it will never be ok.
I’m in my early 30’s and my dad passed 2 ½ years ago and guess what? It’s not ok. My dad’s gone. I can live, it didn’t happen at such a devastating age but it’s not ok. Why? Because my dad is gone.
Plain and simple. Now, I would be more forgiving if the parent that passed was your kid, as opposed to your kid’s ex. Why? Because then your own unimaginable grief would be playing a much larger role here. Your only job here is to support your son and grandkids and shove your own feelings and ego aside whenever they need you to and to never again tell them it’s going to be ok that their mother is gone.” mazzy31
13. AITJ For Not Standing Up For My Partner Over My Brother's Wedding Rule?
“My brother (33M) is getting married soon. In his invitations, he clearly stated that there’s no plus one to bring to the wedding except for official couples.
Not gonna lie, it irritated me knowing my partner won’t be able to attend but I figured he wouldn’t care since he hates weddings so much.
His reaction was the complete opposite when I told him. He asked me how I could be to let my brother exclude him just because we’re not an official couple after 5 years of being together.
I said I understood how he felt excluded but at the end of the day it’s my brother’s wedding and he gets every right to set whichever rule he feels like. My partner threw a fit telling me to wake up because it’s not some “stupid wedding rules” but because he claimed that my brother doesn’t like him – never has and said that I shouldn’t be okay with it.
He told me the moral thing to do is to not go since he’s not invited. I said no, I have no intentions of missing my brother’s hopefully once-in-a-lifetime event because of how close we are and how our relationship might get damaged because of it.
My partner responded by asking if I was okay with our relationship getting ruined because of it. I told him he was overreacting really because he already said that he hates weddings but he said he felt like he was unaccepted and excluded from my family after doing his best to get on their good side, but apparently, that is still not enough.
I told him he was taking this whole thing a little too personally but he told me to stop talking and went outside.
We haven’t really talked after this argument. He thinks that I’m not standing by him when my family constantly tries to exclude him.
Official Couples mean legal (married or engaged).”
Another User Comments:
“I think YTJ. I understand your brother’s rule but I feel like it’s more applicable to distant relatives’ went out-for-2-months partner. You and your partner have been together for five years. That’s a significant amount of time not to mention you are one of the closest relatives to your brother (genetically speaking).
There are many partners who don’t subscribe to the typical marital thing so you can’t really regard the rule as “if we’re not engaged/married then you can’t come”. You could have at least spoken to your brother about it and requested (not demanded) that your partner attend.
If your brother says no I honestly would start wondering why. Five years man…” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here – you don’t count as an “official couple” after 5 years, I’m guessing just because you’re not married? That’s a bad attitude on your brother’s part.
Your partner is justifiably upset and is obviously seeing a pattern of behavior here that you aren’t. I feel he’s overreacting a bit, but he’s the one I sympathize with most here. Which brings me to you, OP. Your partner is upset by your brother’s bad treatment of him, and instead of having his back, you’re taking your brother’s side.
You’re right that your brother gets to invite whoever he wants to his wedding, but he’s disrespecting your relationship and you’re going along with it. That’s a jerk move.” Venetrix2
Another User Comments:
“Mostly NTJ. It’s true that you can’t force your brother to invite your partner.
If your partner thinks you should take some stand by not going to the wedding, that’s not reasonable either because he’s still your brother. It’s wrong of him to ask you to choose. I do agree with your partner on one thing though.
People usually make exceptions for family members and not inviting your sister’s partner of 5 years is pretty surprising. Your partner is probably right about them not liking him or thinking your relationship will last. I have so many questions! Have you asked your brother if he could make an exception for you?
Given the option, would you even want your partner there? Would you have more fun without him? Why does your family not like your partner? Has your relationship been rocky?” Used_Mark_7911
12. AITJ For Not Paying For A Co-Worker's Phone That Broke Due To An Unstable Bench?
“There’s this new bench at work for the smoking area and it’s seriously unstable. If you sit on one end of the bench, the other end goes up like a seesaw. Said bench is also on a slight slant just because of how the ground is.
I went outside and sat on the bench. All of a sudden I hear a noise to my right, and see that someone’s phone had dropped screen-first onto the floor. Said girl picks up the phone and sees that her phone had smashed in the bottom corner, but only in the corner.
She had put it on the end of said unstable bench, and I had sat towards the end without realizing her phone was there. Also, the bench was only a day old by this point so I don’t really know the level of its unstableness.
Turns out also that her phone is new and she doesn’t have a screen protector. I apologize immediately and she ignores me.
The next day, she tells me I need to pay her £200 to repair it. But I just feel like I don’t because why would you put your phone there anyway if it’s new?
Maybe if I had grabbed it and thrown it to the floor I would have been responsible, but it was an accident? I’m going to report the bench as a hazard at some point at work and discuss this, but I just wanted to know WIBTJ for not paying?”
Another User Comments:
“I wouldn’t pay to be honest. Report the bench and she may go and report the bench and incident due to the negligence of persons who placed the bench and didn’t ensure its stability and safety. This was clearly an accident. This is why phone cases and screen protectors exist. Does she have insurance?
Maybe she can claim it. NTJ.” Tired_Agent_644
Another User Comments:
“She shouldn’t keep the phone there unless she’s sitting next to it. You could have stolen the phone and it would take time to realize. NTJ honestly I feel like the damage was already there and she wants you to pay even though it probably caused a slight scratch on the SCREEN protector.” TRB_AlphaRabbitX
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. An ‘accident’ doesn’t necessarily preclude anyone from responsibility. That depends on various other factors (for example, negligence can still make a person responsible for an ‘accident’ – even when it’s unintentional). But in this case, you don’t seem to hold any responsibility.
You did nothing ‘negligent’. Sitting on a bench isn’t negligent, when you don’t know any property is even there to harm. It’s not reasonable to assume everyone sitting on a bench should check for any property first, ‘in case’ the bench is faulty. That isn’t in the realms of ‘reasonable’ predictability.
So it’s not like driving a car (and not looking at the traffic) for 30 seconds – in order to mess with a text message. That is PREDICTABLE in causing risk/damage (negligence) – and neglects basic standards, whilst driving. If anyone is responsible here, it’s whoever owns the bench/repairs it.
They are responsible for making sure it’s in good working order.” NoSurprise82
11. AITJ For Refusing To Be The Best Man At My Dad's Wedding After He Insulted Me?
“I (17M) have divorced parents, they get 50/50 custody and recently I have been staying at my mom’s house during my dad’s week. This is because when I go there he and his fiancée are always yelling at me and telling me “you’re useless” or “I’ve failed as a parent to raise you” or something along those lines.
Of course I find it incredibly hurtful and try to express my feelings to them about it. I’m aware I can say hurtful things as well when I’m upset but try to apologize after these arguments.
My father and his fiancée believe that they can do no wrong and that I am the problem.
They believe this because half the time they respect my gender and pronouns. (I’m ftm) So they believe they are amazing but did not support me in my medical transition whatsoever. My dad has been harassing me with calls and text messages, threatening me with suing me and my mother, and his fiancée has been harassing my mother with horrible text messages as well.
So after all of this, I am fed up and recently when we were arguing outside of a diner and he said “you know what? Screw you. I failed to raise you as a father. You’re a rude and arrogant piece of junk and I can’t believe I raised you.” Which caused me to burst into tears and in a fit of rage I screamed at him “Screw you!
I’m not going to be the best man at your wedding if you treat me like this, count me out, I hate you and your stupid fiancée!” He scoffed and left and then his fiancée yelled at me over the phone calling me a heartless jerk.
So, am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Why would anyone expect you to be the best man at a wedding of a father who treats you like garbage and a fiancée who also treats you like garbage? Please, don’t back down OP.
Treat people the way you want to be treated. They treated you bad, now they get that in return.” mquindlen81
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. What are they threatening to sue you and your mother over? I mean, you’re 17. Given the way that courts are backed up in most places right now, even if they filed something regarding custody, you’d likely be 18 before the case landed before a judge, and the whole thing would be moot and likely dismissed.” PurpleMarsAlien
Another User Comments:
“NTJ! I want to say so much that is wrong with them – I don’t know where to even start. They’re awful parents and very transphobic, you have every right to do what you said/did. I’d make sure everything you own/have that’s special to you at your mom’s, and perhaps cut contact or keep low contact.
I hope things don’t escalate than they already are, but you’re definitely NTJ for any of this – this is your dad’s (and his fiancée’s) own doing and choice.” KingPiscesFish
10. AITJ For Calling Out My Brother's Fiancée's Homophobic Comments?
“Dante, my brother came for a visit and brought his fiancée Meg to meet our family. For context, our cousin Rose is gay and has been married to Kath for 14 years. Over the course of their visit, I witnessed Meg say several things that came across as homophobic:
- Saying Rose and Kath are “pretty” and “girly” which surprised her
- Saying her life would be easier if she was a lesbian because she understands women more than men
- Trying to make a joke about women in the armed forces being lesbians because they are manly (Rose and Kath met and married while serving)
Before they flew home, I pulled Dante aside, repeated what I witnessed Meg saying, and told him he needs to talk to her about it. Dante said Meg didn’t mean them in a bad way but she’s never met a gay person before. I don’t believe that but okay.
I said she came across as homophobic and I was trying to be discreet by giving him the heads up first. Next time I will call out Meg. Dante was already mad and I found out Rose chewed Meg out because Meg said or asked Kath something along the lines of knowing she is a lesbian if she’s never slept with men (which is also a complete assumption by the way).
Dante is mad I interfered and thinks we’re ganging up on him. I had no idea Rose talked to him and under normal circumstances, I would leave Rose to deal with it if it bothered her. But I don’t like homophobia.
Am I wrong here?”
Another User Comments:
“Not the jerk. I’m a lesbian and people have been saying this kind of nonsense to me since I came out at 13. It’s incredibly annoying and I wish more straight people would tell each other it’s not okay because they don’t listen to us.
I honestly didn’t think you went far enough. I would have called her out on the spot and made her defend the nonsense she was saying. Tell your brother that homophobic nonsense still needs to be corrected even if she “didn’t mean it” because it’s still hurtful.
Meg deserved to be chewed out. Encourage your brother and fiancée to listen to some lesbian comedy, watch some lesbian TikToks, just expose her to more diversity. She probably didn’t know better because she’s gotten away with saying this sort of stuff all the time.
Once lesbians start to seem more three-dimensional to her and she realizes why the things she said were messed up, she’ll probably be a better guest. Always remember: call out the bad behavior, find out where it’s coming from, and aim to educate those about the harsh reality of life within marginalized groups when they say offensive things out of blissful ignorance.” hysteriaisntreal
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but… I think instead of judging her, it’s now a missed opportunity to educate her. Now she leaves without being educated and probably feels reprimanded for being clumsy. This is how someone can actually double down on their values and reinforce a possible dislike because she reacted poorly to a first-time exposure.
Hate is born from confusion more often than not. Now her first exposure to a gay person isn’t a positive experience and may linger for a long time. From now on she could say hateful things like “oh the gays, gotta always walk on eggshells around them” which is not true but it’s now her experience.
She doesn’t seem to have hate, she just seems slightly misogynistic probably due to lack of sexual and social education.” PeonyBijou
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I don’t think it’s homophobia per se, but ignorance. And yes, I think it’s totally a good idea to pull her aside and let her know how problematic she is coming across.
She may have come from a super conservative background for all we know and she may genuinely not have been exposed to a lot of LGBT people/shows etc and just doesn’t know what’s appropriate. I think though her jerk status depends on how she reacts/what she does going forward.
Does she keep saying the same things going forward? Or does she take the time to educate herself and do better?” Midnight_Dreary_Mari
9. AITJ For Not Telling My Co-Workers I'm A Vegan?
“I work in software and we are coming back to the office. We have been hybrid for the last three months, two days in office if that matters.
I’m meeting everyone in person for the first time.
When I’m at work I’m a bit of a “junk food” vegan. I eat “chicken” nuggets, vegan burgers, vegan mochi, vegan mac and cheese. So you can’t really tell that my diet is entirely plant-based. I promise at home I cook everything from scratch most days so I’m not completely unhealthy just most of the stuff I make doesn’t reheat well.
I’ve never said anything because when I switched to being a vegan I decided I wasn’t going to be one of those vegans that like to rub it in people’s faces like they are superior to meat eaters. I just quietly do my thing.
So here is where I may be the jerk. Last week was my birthday and I didn’t know that they were planning a party for me. They had a cake and pizza and a bunch of stuff I obviously won’t eat. I tried to play it off and say that I’m not hungry but when it came time for the cake the pressure really started. “Just a small piece, it isn’t a birthday without cake” etc. That’s when I told them I can’t, I’m a vegan.
The room kinda got quiet and some of my co-workers who I have shared food with in the past few got angry with me for not telling them the food was vegan. Some people were mad at me for ruining the entire party and not just eating stuff to keep the peace.
I don’t feel like a jerk but a lot of people I work with think I am. So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. No one asked you if you had any food preferences or dietary restrictions before planning the party, which should be a standard ask.
It is NOT your job to make everyone else comfortable by eating surprise food that is against your diet. As for your co-workers who are mad that they unknowingly ate vegan food? Give me a break! Again, people who care about what is in the food will ask!” SentimentalO
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Unless someone has food allergies or other restrictions (in which case, they should never be eating something without asking what’s in it), it shouldn’t matter that what you shared with them is vegan. It’s not some weird cult food that means you secretly converted them.
Heck, if the bread doesn’t have dairy or egg products in it, PB&J is vegan. And, on the flip side, if they were going to make food for you, they should have asked if YOU had any food restrictions.” Terrie-25
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It sounds like you work with children. No one could have assumed you were vegan, from what you’ve said. But it’s not like you were supposed to advertise it to the universe — if anything, you deliberately didn’t widely publicize it in an effort to NOT be the jerk.
So that would have been a no jerks here situation. Anyone getting upset at you about it is being unreasonably the jerk. Further, the people upset at you for sharing your food and not telling them it was vegan ahead of time are being extra weird and unreasonable about it.
The only reason I could think of is someone has a food sensitivity/allergy to a common meat substitute. I suppose there are people like that out there – folks with soy sensitivities or gluten sensitivities so certain vegan foods would not be ok but meat would be fine.
But if you’re that sensitive to food, typically you would ask what’s in something before plopping it in your mouth. OP you did nothing wrong. If you want to be extra careful moving forward, you don’t have to tell the world you’re vegan but if you’re going to share vegan food, or any food really, you should volunteer the ingredients if they aren’t obvious from looking at it.” TahiniInMyVeins
8. AITJ For Not Wanting To Call The Cops After Hearing A Kid Crying Late At Night?
“My partner and I were on a late-night walk with our dogs, about 12:30 at night. (I work until midnight so this is usually when I do it, she just joined this time.)
Anyways as we come around a circle in the neighborhood, one of the houses caught our attention. A couple of lights were on, but what really got our attention was a kid crying. Quite loudly. Like sobbing and really upset.
She suggested that we call the cops because she thought the kid was being mistreated.
I told her that the kid sounded really upset. I continued by saying the kid probably just got scolded for doing some late-night stuff he wasn’t supposed to be doing.
I also said that the chances of the kid being caught doing something he wasn’t supposed to, and being a little dramatic maybe, are probably higher than the chances of the kid being mistreated to a point where police need to be involved.
She said that we should because we “should be concerned and caring citizens.”
I then told her that she is more than welcome to call them, but I’m not going to. Like I said the kid wasn’t screaming bloody murder, he sounded just upset, it’s a school night and he was probably caught on his iPad and got scolded.
I should also add that there wasn’t any other noise that we could hear. No other yelling or anything, just the kid.
After I told her she was more than welcome to call them, she then went quiet and gave me the cold shoulder.
AITJ for telling her this?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. There’s being a concerned citizen and being nosey. Your partner is being a little nosey. Unless you both have hard proof that this child is being mistreated she really needs to mind her own business, I get her concern but kids cry over anything.
Everything. My nephew screamed bloody murder because we had to take away the fork he insisted on playing with and stabbing people around him. Screamed for hours, inconsolable. Maybe take a different path for a while if it bothers her so much, I understand her concern but NTJ for telling her you won’t get involved.” totallynotavamp
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Children have meltdowns. Your “neighbors” could have been sleep training a child, the child could have awoken from a bad dream, the child may have been throwing a fit because they had to go to bed, the child could have been upset or angry for a variety of reasons.
Not every angry toddler or child is being mistreated. If your partner wanted to call the police for a welfare check that’s her choice.” Shaggymaggie
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. Kids crying in the middle of the night randomly isn’t a concern. A kid crying repeatedly and regularly late at night is.
Your partner just might be over-concerned. A good middle ground would be to ask her to accompany you on your next walks to see if it’s consistent. Even then it might not even be indicative of mistreatment. I’ve had a neighbor before who had a permanently sick child so they would cry in the middle of the night about once or twice a week.
Of course they told me beforehand because I was their neighbor, but I don’t think anyone who hears it from the street would know about it.” [deleted]
7. AITJ For Being Upset At My Mother For Only Caring About Hair Care After Her Own Hair Curled?
“I’m freshly eighteen and I am a Native American and also African American on my father’s side. My mother is COMPLETELY white and actually came over to America from the UK a little before my elder brother was born. I have really curly ethnic hair and have for years, she is the exact opposite having grown up with very thin and fine hair like most white women.
My stepdad is also white with the same texture of hair.
I have been extremely white-washed my whole life, I wasn’t allowed ANY contact with my father or my colored family who knew the culture of how to take care of ethnic hair. I was forced to conform to white people’s hair care and was never taught my hair was different or how to care for it.
Both parents openly said they weren’t going to put in the work to learn because I was being raised by white folk and my hair would eventually “calm down”. In late 2018 my hair started to fall out in big chunks due to the mistreatment it had received over the years and my hair had to be shaved off which is a big no-no in Native culture from what I’ve read.
This took a big toll on my mental health and I started to really feel regret about allowing my mother to treat me like I was white for so many years and ruin one of the only things that made me special.
Here’s where the question (AITJ) comes into play.
About six months ago my mother got a haircut, she cut her hair extremely short for the first time in about ten years. For some reason, when she cut her hair, it curled up. Not tight curls like mine, really loose ones, almost like waves.
When this happened she suddenly started buying a bunch of curly hair care products for her hair. She suddenly bought me a hair pick? She also started blabbering about how to properly care for curly hair and apparently did a bunch of research on the topic.
Of course, I was angry. It took her 18 years and HER hair curling up to get her to give a darn about my hair which she’s ruined. I feel like this is very jerkish of her, I mean I am her child and she’s only just caring about something so basic like hair because it has to do with her now.
I tried to ask my brother about it and he became enraged, yelling at me and calling me things like a selfish jerk who was forgetting everything my mother had done for us. I have yet to confront her about it because I’m scared of her being mad and yelling at me.”
Another User Comments:
“Holy crap NTJ. If everything you say is true, you have every right to be angry. Even before she started taking care of her own curls. Every single one of my friends who is white and has biracial children made SURE they learned how to take care of their children’s hair properly.
The fact they didn’t take any steps to care for something that means so much to most women has me angry with you. I’m so sorry. You are 18. You now have control of the future of your hair and soak up all the knowledge you can.
The power is finally in your hands now.” Helpful_Emotion_1764
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You have every right to be upset but perhaps she learned. I mean perhaps she is selfish, but from one text post, I can’t really tell that in the grander scheme of things, so I’ll stay with NTJ, especially because there’s some trauma there.
Also, several white women get loose curls as they age. My mother, after menopause, had her hair change; menopause can really change the body’s physiology. My sister now also has curls but is far away from menopause. Based on the way my hair has been behaving it seems likely I will also end up with curly hair.
You’re right though, it shouldn’t have taken her own needs to realize that you had a different consideration than she did, which is also why NTJ.” SordidMorbidCreature
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Uh, your mom has to take care of you because she made a choice to get pregnant.
Your brother should have CALMLY explained to you why he had a different opinion if he had one. But normal people usually don’t blow up like this, so either your family is a bunch of jerks, or your mother had some BAD experiences with your father or his family.
I am not saying it is good to have ruined your beautiful hair, but is it possible that your mother has a lot of issues with your father and projected them onto his race? Still not the NTJ, mind you. Just…Maybe your mom has a lot more issues than you realize.
Moving forward might mean addressing these and that your heritage is yours and makes you who you are.” Ancient_List
6. AITJ For Refusing To Make A Birthday Cake For My MIL After My Husband Volunteered Me Without Asking?
“We were at my mother-in-law’s place for dinner and while we were talking, my mother-in-law took a minute to remind us of her birthday which will take place next week.
My husband looked at me and said “Oh no need to get a cake! OP will take care of it”. I was taken aback because, for one, I work long hours and will be too busy next week and don’t even know if I will be able to attend.
And two, I never agreed to make the cake nor do I have the time or money for it since it’s probably expected to be “fancy.”
I couldn’t just take it when he basically offered my service without consulting me. I looked back at him and said “I never agreed to do such a thing….can you tell me why I should do it?
You never do anything for MY mom.” The table went quiet and everybody looked at my husband awkwardly. Given his argumentative nature, it was strange seeing him quiet like that.
Once we got into the car he yelled about how I embarrassed and humiliated him and how I disrespected his mother at the table.
I told him he was the one who offered my service but he said that I should’ve agreed or showed I was on board initially then told him my “honest opinion” at home and in private.
We got home and he started sulking saying he can’t even look his family in the face after the childish nonsense I pulled at their house.
AITJ.”
Another User Comments:
“ESH. First of all, obviously, he shouldn’t have volunteered you, he should have asked you privately (or not at all) and then told his family if you were willing. But why was it necessary to say it to him like that?
He’s your husband. Do you like this man? Because honestly, it sounds like you already were mad at him about something and decided to air your grievances in front of his family for some reason. “You never do anything for my mom” sounds like a conversation you were waiting to have with him and decided to have it right then and there at family dinner.
You made dinner awkward for everyone, not just your husband. You could have said “Oh, I’m afraid I don’t have time!” and then had whatever conversation you needed to have with your husband later.” BeJane759
Another User Comments:
“ESH. Your husband is obviously the far bigger jerk for volunteering you.
If he wanted to make a grand, generous gesture for his mom, he should have volunteered to take care of the cake himself, or worst case scenario even said, “WE’LL bring the cake,” and then sorted it out with you after the fact, which at least would have put some of the responsibility on him.
Volunteering someone else to do something without asking them always makes you a massive jerk. On the other hand, you were also a jerk, not for embarrassing your husband (he totally deserved that and worse), but for being so unbelievably obnoxious about it specifically in a manner (“…why should I do it?
You never do anything for my mother…”) that was humiliating for HIS MOTHER, who didn’t do a darn thing to deserve it. She was just sitting there, totally innocent, having invited you to her birthday, and you basically said, “Why on earth would I do something nice for your mother?” RIGHT IN FRONT OF HER.
I’m not sure you could have been more rude or hurtful if you’d tried.
You literally could have just said, “You know what, that’s a really lovely idea but I’m going to be crazy busy next week and I’m not sure I’ll have time to deal with a birthday cake.
Other arrangements should probably be made because I don’t want to let her down!” You absolutely could and should have said no to cake duties, but without crapping on your MIL, which was completely unnecessary. You and your husband both sound awful. ESH.” FoolMe1nceShameOnU
Another User Comments:
“NTJ depending on the level of fancy, making a cake can take days (I made the orange cake from OFMD with my housemate and that took two days between making the cake, syrup, glaze, buttercream, creme fraiche and assembling it) and cost a bunch.
Even a simple cake can take hours between getting ingredients, baking, cooling, icing, and cleaning up. There appear to be a lot of people who don’t bake or are legitimately fine being publicly volunteered to spend 2-4+ hours doing something they don’t want to do while they’re busy with work and spending money they don’t have at short notice or don’t respect the work that goes into baking a good, let alone fancy, cake.
Your husband does not respect your time or your skills or how much financial pressure you are under or your job but wants to benefit anyway. You sound stressed and underappreciated with a lot of expectations which is a bad combo and I hope this is unusual behavior for him (impulsively offering stuff he does not have to other people).
Maybe volunteer him to mow other people’s lawns (I mow the lawns and bake and yardwork is 1,000% easier) or suggest he bake the cakes for your families in the future.” HannahAnthonia
5. AITJ For Calling My Wife A Jerk For Cancelling Our Family Camping Trip Last Minute?
“A couple of months ago, my daughter and I went on a daddy-daughter camping trip. My wife was supposed to come but she had her period so she didn’t come. We had a great time and when we came back my wife was disappointed that she missed out.
She insisted on going camping so we booked for the same place for today. We timed it so that she wasn’t on her period. Well as we’re all getting ready to leave, my wife decides that she doesn’t want to come anymore.
I get super upset and said that this whole trip was planned because she wanted to go, I spent the last couple of days getting supplies ready and everything and she says that she doesn’t want to go because she is on a roll with cleaning and organizing the house.
This is a trip I’ve been looking forward to going on as a whole family.
So I call her a jerk for canceling last minute and not letting me know earlier that she had no intention of going the past few days. She says that I’m a jerk for not being understanding of what she wants to do.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but your wife is sure being one! Getting ready for a camping trip that she demanded you take is no small amount of preparation; to back out at the last minute for no legitimate reason is really not good of her.
It’s also pretty suspicious; is there another reason she wants you and the kid out of the house? If I were you, I’d go with your daughter and have a fantastic time. But this is not good, I’m sorry.” trashpanda44224422
Another User Comments:
“NTJ because I get why you were upset. I don’t think you should have called her a name because that’s usually not healthy for a marriage. But, still I get why you were annoyed. Aside from that, I’m going to offer a suggestion for why she said she didn’t want to go because she was on a roll cleaning and organizing the house.
I immediately understood that reason. I don’t know why, but I do this too. Once I am in the “zone” for any activity, I am almost obsessed and I don’t want to stop until it’s finished. I especially do this when organizing the house. It starts with one small closet to look for something and before I know it, it’s a full-blown project for every room in the house.
I am in my element then and nothing short of an emergency will stop me. It could be your wife is like this, too. She could also be similar to me in that she likes the “concept” of doing something, like a camping trip, and enjoys planning it, anticipating it, etc. But then when it comes time to actually execute the activity, she realizes she just wants to stay home in her cozy familiar home.
She also might just like having the house to herself every so often. All three of those reasons are me to a T, so I might just be projecting and this doesn’t describe your wife at all, but the details you provided for why she declined both trips really make me think she is like this, too.” Bleu_Rue
Another User Comments:
“When I was a child, I was having a sleepover. I was probably 5. My friend asked to go over to her house quickly to grab a game she wanted to play. She was literally my next-door neighbor, so when 20 minutes passed and she didn’t come back, I was getting ready to go over to her house and make sure everything was OK.
Instead of coming back to my house, she was outside with some adult neighbors sitting and talking, and said she didn’t want to sleep over at my house anymore. Which like, fine that’s her choice, but 5 year old me was really upset and really petty over it.
So the next time I slept at her house, I ended up pulling the “I don’t know I wanna go home” card and she was just like “…..really?” And it sounds like what your wife is doing here. In the first event, she was excited and ready to go but couldn’t.
Instead of you guys canceling the trip, you went anyway which upset her. So she created a second event for everyone to be excited about and then decided to cancel it on her own whim so you’d know what it was like for her to be excited about something and then lose out.
Congratulations, your wife is on the level of pettiness that a 5-year-old had. NTJ.” TroubledGamestress
4. AITJ For Smearing Cake On My Daughter's Face On Her Birthday?
“My daughter’s 18th birthday was yesterday. On the eve of her birthday, my son (who is 16) told me about his idea to smash cake and whipped cream on his big sister’s face when she woke up.
I thought this would be funny and make my daughter laugh first thing on her birthday, so I agreed to do it with my son. I would say my biggest regret here is not letting my wife know about the plan.
My daughter woke up at 8 yesterday and when she first came to the breakfast table, my son and I were waiting.
We pounced and we each grabbed a slice of chocolate cake and smeared it onto her face and I yelled happy birthday. My wife came to our daughter’s rescue and started yelling at me all the while my daughter was just dumbfounded and shocked.
My son and I realized we made a mistake and we apologized, and my daughter went to take a shower. The rest of the day was smooth sailing and my daughter had a fun birthday besides the morning incident but she was clearly upset at her brother and me.
My wife lectured me before we slept about what happened. I get the feeling that my daughter is still upset at my son and me. AITJ? We thought we would make her birthday more memorable.”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. A guy did that to his bride at the reception when she had specifically told him not to.
She walked right out the door, she’s getting an annulment. You’re a grown man, with at least 2 children. You’re listening to and taking direction from a 16-year-old boy. Let that sink in. Talk to your wife and figure out how you’re going to even partly make this up to your daughter.
You violated her trust. The one man alive who is supposed to protect her did this and on her birthday. So for her 18th birthday, she got violated by the males in her family. How do you make that right?” MaryAnne0601
Another User Comments:
“YTJ.
How imbecilic, are you 8? And you actually let your 16-year-old son – her brother – talk you into it. Think about that for a second. Did you ever stop to think why he’d be talking you into something like that? He used you, lol. I can’t believe you even posted this here, to be honest. How embarrassing for you.
If I knew you in real life, my respect for you would drop about 10 notches upon hearing this story. This was funny to you; how would it be funny to her? And yeah, I suppose it’ll probably be memorable, but not the kind of memorable you were hoping for.
Apologize profusely and promise to never do something so idiotic ever again. Pranks suck, got it? Pranks are only good for people who you absolutely KNOW are ok with pranks. If they’re not, or if you don’t know, don’t prank.” Karma_1969
Another User Comments:
“YTJ.
I am going to be kind-ish here. There ARE people who would have enjoyed this prank. Now… I am going to take a WILD guess here and argue, that, had you stopped a moment to think on it, maybe just checking if your daughter is that type of person, would have come up with a no. Now… okay… let’s continue to be kind-ish.
The second you and your son pounced and that cake was all over her face… did you check to see if she was laughing? If the other party is NOT laughing, you did not pull a prank, you did something extremely unfunny. Now, depending on what type of girl your daughter is, there is even a chance that she had picked out a special birthday outfit as that was a special birthday.
So, if she came out in anything other than her PJs, odds are, that outfit was part of her day plan. I mean, maybe there was a SLIM chance that your daughter’s humor stretched far enough, to endure a violation of her bodily autonomy. Maybe there was a sliver of it going “Yeah, the best way to feel like a young adult is having cake smeared all over me.”
But you know who – other than your daughter – got caught up in it: Your wife. Your wife is the person, who likely at some point ran interference on your behalf and soothed your daughter. Your wife is the one, who organized or maybe even baked the cake, your wife is the person who needs to get the chocolate stain out of your daughter’s clothing – at least she likely is.
You and your son owe your wife an apology. Then, you and your son go out shopping. For a gift card for your daughter’s favorite clothing store, a set of her favorite skin care products. Then you go home, and you bake – yes BAKE … a cake together.
Then you present all of that plus the permission that she can cake her brother when he turns 18, provided it leaves him enough time to change for school. And then you apologize again. And all of that is considered a “We’re sorry for being immature boys” gift, not a birthday gift. GOT IT?” GrassTerrible5262
3. AITJ For Uninviting My Mom From My Wedding After She Mocked My Fiancée's Proposal?
“I’m engaged to the absolute love of my life. Unfortunately, my mom is not a fan. Obviously, my relationship with my mom isn’t great right now, which has been hard on me, but I fully get that your partner comes first. Honestly, even my mom seems to get it and understands the distance.
My dad got engaged to “Ashley” recently. My mom and my dad are divorced but on very good terms, and in the past he has overstepped when it came to defending her to me. My fiancée is the type of girl who likes to do everything huge and over the top, so she decided to propose back to me and make it a truly grand affair.
My mom finds that personality type super annoying to begin with. My mom also claims she is all into gender equality, but is pretty old-fashioned about relationships and probably judges the proposing back concept. My mom was slightly rude about it, so I gave her a warning and she was fine.
Well, I later found out that my mom tried to get Ashley to prank my dad by proposing back to him to see his reaction. Ashley actually got on her knees but then couldn’t do it and just began laughing. My dad was talking about how mortified he would have been if she had done it.
Even though I didn’t witness it, I was so upset to think of them all laughing at my fiancée.
I confronted my mom and she said I was overreacting because it had nothing to do with me. I said she was mocking my fiancée, so yeah it does.
My mom said I don’t get to police her life. I was so hurt that I uninvited her from the wedding. I really didn’t want to, but at this point my fiancée knew, so I felt I didn’t have much of a choice. This is one of the hardest decisions I’ve ever had to make and my mom’s partner yelled at me and kicked me out of their house.
She hasn’t said anything, but my dad did his typical thing of coming to her defense and told me I’m overreacting and will regret this.”
Another User Comments:
“Pranks like this are stupid. However, if you want to go ahead and pull an idiot stunt like this, you usually do it with a couple of your like-minded friends.
Putting your fiancee, who your mom doesn’t like, in this situation, is not a prank. It’s an attempt at public humiliation. Good for you for standing up for your fiancee. I honestly don’t think you went far enough in expressing that this is not okay.
Uninviting your mom from the wedding seems mild, compared to what she tried to pull. I hope you realize, even if she denies it, that this was just as much an insult to you as it was to Ashley. NTJ.” Total-Being-4278
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
Your mum doesn’t need to be a fan of your fiancée but she does need to accept your relationship. Taking the mick out of your fiancée and how she proposed to you is pretty childish and disrespectful. Good on you for making a stand.
Perhaps your mum might start to take things a bit more seriously. On the wedding issue, see what your fiancée says, if she is ok with it then invite your mom and make it clear that it was your fiancée who convinced you to have her back.
If your fiancée is uncomfortable with the whole situation, then continue to make your stand. Good luck.” Nessie51
Another User Comments:
“YTJ, I think the “prank” was more about your parents’ “old fashioned” ways, and your mom and Ashley thought it would be funny to pull on your dad.
They did it in private, not at a venue in your presence to mock you. They should never have let you know, since the prank failed anyway. I have a feeling this was just the catalyst for built-up bad feelings you have about your parents, them supporting each other against you, your mom not getting along with your fiance.
If you are punishing your mom for the prank, are you also punishing Ashley and your dad for things they have done or participated in? I think this is much bigger than the prank and if you don’t address everything then all anyone will remember is that you would not have your mom at your wedding over a harmless “prank”.
Also, this is a huge deal, are you ready to have this hover over your whole relationship with your parents forever? This isn’t something you can take back once the wedding happens. It is your choice, and a tough one, but think about the rest of your years as well.
Good luck!” Odd-Ad-9472
2. AITJ For Telling My Mom I'm Tired Of Dealing With My Younger Sisters?
“I (15 F) have two younger sisters (ages 5 and 7,) who I’ve never really gotten along well with.
We fight a lot, but that doesn’t mean I don’t love them. Our parents left for the weekend, leaving us with our 22-year-old sister who’s staying with us for a bit.
I ended up getting sick over the weekend, so naturally, I wasn’t feeling fantastic.
When I don’t feel good I get really irritable, so dealing with little jerk kids was not what I wanted. My older sister and I both agreed that taking care of the kids felt like a nightmare. It’s even worse when you have to take care of both of them, alone.
Our parents came back late Sunday night. The next day we went out with our mom to go grocery shopping, and guess who had to parent the kids? Me! My mom was right there, and let me handle the kids all on my own. She saw that I was struggling with a temper tantrum from the youngest, and did absolutely nothing to help.
I’m talking screaming and crying on the floor of a packed Kroger.
At home, I finally took meds for my cold and I was told to take it easy. I then made a passing comment to my mom, something along the lines of “Good I need a break, I’m tired of those kids.”
Mom was not happy with that comment, she said “They’re your sisters.”
As if that would mean anything?
And I told her that “the fact that we’re related by blood means nothing to me, I can still be sick and tired of dealing with them.”
My mother then proceeded to tell me how ignorant and selfish I was for saying such a thing. So am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. WHY was your parent bringing an old-enough-to-be-home-alone sick child out into a packed grocery store in the first place?
Nobody wants that. Not you, and not the people who might catch whatever is making you miserable. Hope you feel better soon. Kids can be annoying. You have to do your best to keep your siblings alive, and not deliberately hurt them. You don’t have to like them all the time, or like taking care of them.” Meghanshadow
Another User Comments:
“NTJ some parents simply cannot take responsibility for their children, you are not those kids’ parent, you never asked for the kids, you also never asked to be the older one to take care of them. I’ve been in the same position with my little brother.
You’re not her babysitter, you’re her child.” satanlovesurmom
Another User Comments:
“Everyone’s a jerk. Your mom’s a jerk for not parenting your sibling, especially in public. You are for going out while ill. Stay home when you are sick. Have you learned nothing from the last 2 years?
No one wants your cold.” Edcrfvh
1. AITJ For Not Giving Up My Bus Seat To A Woman With A Stroller?
“I (15f) am on summer break, so for my break, I decided to go to this art school type thing.
They basically just do art and it’s like school but a bit different.
When I was coming from “school” I decided to take the bus as usual, I sat down and went on Instagram and TikTok until this lady with a stroller came in. The bus was pretty full, but there was still an empty seat next to me that anybody could sit in.
This woman out of nowhere started saying out loud “wow so nobody is gonna give
their seat up for a woman with a stroller?” While giving me a death stare, mind you. She just kept on repeating that and later said “Wow I’m very disappointed in the generation” or something like that.
She kept looking at me weirdly and I was trying my absolute best to keep my cool, I just sat there and kept going on Instagram. Later this old man who was listening to the whole thing started talking smack. “This generation is really lost” while also staring at me.
Now let me also mention that 7 other people asked her if she wanted their seat, and she declined but kept on complaining so I could get up.
She was later sitting across from me, and if anybody knows me, I’m petty. A pregnant woman came in and I asked if she wanted my seat (which she did) which I gave to her, she was obviously very mad and when it was her stop she just stormed off, and the old man was VERY angry.
He didn’t say anything but he didn’t know how to hide all his anger.
My mom thinks I was wrong for not giving her my seat, my sister thinks it was deserved and I did the right thing…. but I don’t know.
So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – the lady with a stroller acted entitled and declined other seats, therefore you were not obligated to also offer also given her verbal announcement to the entire bus trying to shame you into moving is ridiculous. I don’t believe you were in the wrong and I believe some old people are also darn right rude as according to them “in their day they wouldn’t have acted like that” yet believe is appropriate to act like that!” Dry_Distribution_964
Another User Comments:
“NTJish. It’s nice to be someone who offers it to someone else who could use it. And I guess I kind of see the logic behind someone who is more likely healthy should be first in line to do so. Buuuut. A full bus is going to be full of people fit enough to stand and singling out just one person is super jerk behavior.
Especially for a group. And they can get lost about generations seeing as how younger generations didn’t cause any of our big societal issues, the older generations did. So how great are they exactly? I absolutely love the petty response of giving the seat to a pregnant woman though.
A good friendly troll is the best! Hahaha.” Sparred4Life
Another User Comments:
“I am going to go with YTJ. You didn’t specify where on the bus you were sitting, but it was most likely a priority seat. You could have quite easily got up when this woman boarded the bus and sat somewhere else, as you said there were other seats available, without needing anything to be said.
The woman and old man were right to be irritated by your attitude, but they went about it the wrong way. It had nothing to do with ‘this generation’, you were just being a jerk. The woman with the stroller should well have asked rather than say petty comments too, but again, you should have just got up when you first saw her get on the bus.” SugarP48
