People Can't Find Any Luck In These 'Am I The Jerk?' Stories
20. AITJ For Refusing To Drive My Siblings To Their Distant School On My Day Off?
“Some context: my family moved from City A to City B last year in May, and City B is 28 miles from City A. Because my youngest siblings (twins FF17 and M15) didn’t want to have to start over at a new school and leave their friends, our dad agreed that they could still attend school in City A 28 MILES AWAY.
He said it “wasn’t a big deal” because when he goes to work, City A is on the route to his job so he could take them to school. But this was very short-sighted because school starts at 8:30 and he usually goes to work as early as 4 or 5 am.
Meaning I would actually have to take them to “help him out”. However, our grandma lives less than 1 mile from the school in City A, and sometimes when dad is unable to pick them up after school, they walk to her house until he gets off, and/or they have to spend the night when he knows he’ll be unable to take them in the morning so grandma can take them instead.
The story: I (F21) have always thought allowing them to continue school in City A was a dumb idea. Yes, starting anew with making friends is hard and I empathize with that…but so is driving 56 miles round trip to drop them off every weekday, and then another 56 miles roundtrip to pick them up.
I live in California, and gas is NOT cheap. And since school starts at 8:30, to beat traffic we have to leave by 7:35 but 7:45 at the latest.
I work the PM shift (3-11 pm) at a hotel and came home around 11:40 last night. Twin #1 complains to me about how they had to be ready for school by 4 am this morning (Tuesday) so dad could drop them off at grandma’s house on his way to work.
I had today off work, so technically I could’ve volunteered to take them to school. But I hate taking them for the reasons listed above, and because Twin #2 is always inconsiderate of my time and takes forever to get to the car. So instead I just said “That’s tough” to Twin #1 and kept the fact that I was off work a secret.
She complained about how 4 am was still too early, but I just ignored her and prepared to settle down for the night.
Around 12:30am-ish, I was on Facetime with a friend and we were discussing our work schedules because they recently got a job. We were planning the next time we could hang out; without thinking, I said I was off work and could visit them later on.
I share a bunk bed with Twin #1; she heard me from the top bunk and said, “You’re off? Can you take us to school so we don’t have to wake up at 4?” I said no, she kept asking me why, I told her that I didn’t want to and I would be asleep.
She said along the lines of “I don’t wanna get up at 4 tho” but I just dismissed her and said no because again, this is the consequence of her wanting to go to school 28 miles away.
Today went by and as originally planned, they left for our grandma’s at 4 am.
Twin #1 undoubtedly told our dad about the fact that I could’ve taken them but refused, because they all came home with attitude today and were distant towards me. So I’d like some outside perspective: AITJ for not offering to take them to school?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. This decision was made without your input, you aren’t on the hook for it. Ask the kids if they’d rather get up later but go to a different school. Life is about sacrifices and choices. We usually can’t get everything we want, and they are old enough to understand that.” partanimal
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I used to take my siblings to school since I’m the oldest with a single mom. I did it to help her out, but I still hated it lol Just because they’re going to school so far away doesn’t mean they should expect you to take time out of your day and waste gas.
I live in SoCal and traffic for 28 miles is easily an hour. I also agree with your point that if they want to keep their old school, they have to sacrifice their sleep or change their schedule to sleep earlier. You are not responsible for your siblings, they aren’t your kids.
Parents need to realize this, especially if you’re over 18.” xxtragarlic
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You didn’t sign up for the 28-mile chauffeur gig, your dad did. Sure, you could have gone out of your way to be helpful, but they are certainly not entitled to it.
I enjoy being helpful to people who are not taking my help and my time for granted.” Djorgal
19. AITJ For Having A Friendly Chat With My Neighbor's Husband?
“Last Wednesday, I (23F) moved into my first apartment. On that day, I introduced myself to my new neighbour (32F), “Anna.
“She was immediately very warm and welcoming. She mentioned that she and her husband (“John”, 47M) worked from home during the day while she worked retail in the evenings (until 10 p.m. each night). I came over one more time that day to ask a few additional questions, and I also met John.
Next Wednesday evening, I am making chocolate chip cookies for myself. I texted Anna whether she wanted me to drop off some fresh cookies at her place around 8 pm. She said that she was at work, which I fully forgot she said she had, but she told me I could leave them with her husband, who was home.
I go downstairs, hand over the cookies, and the husband and I end up talking for about an hour in the living room. He does something similar to me for work and we’re both into fantasy novels so that’s what the conversation was about. He then notices it’s time to pick his wife up from the train station, so he lets me out and leaves.
The next day (Thursday) I get a string of angry messages and a call from Anna. She said she didn’t appreciate me being alone with her husband in their apartment. I apologize that this was a boundary I didn’t know I was crossing and that I wouldn’t do it again.
She gets upset and tells me they had a big fight about it yesterday. Apparently, the fight escalated and he went to stay at a hotel. She starts crying on the phone and I feel really bad for causing this fight, so I ask if she wants to come up and have some tea.
Anna sat on my living room couch for an hour, crying about her relationship and giving me some very intimate details that I absolutely did not ask for. He’s been divorced twice and has kids from a prior marriage. She’s upset by the thought of his past wives.
Her family doesn’t accept the age gap. She doesn’t have anyone to talk about this.
I refrained from attempting to give any advice other than telling her that I thought she would really benefit from some therapy – to which she agreed. I listened to her and gave her a hug and some more cookies and then when she left she apologized profusely for the messages she’d sent me and asked me to just delete them, please.
I once again assured her that there was nothing to be sorry for, she seemed to really be going through it.
On Friday she texted me again, for what I now hope is the last time lol. She said “You will not contact me or my husband ever again.
You will mind your limits from now on and in case you have any emergency, call the landlord directly.” and a few other things. I have no clue what happened since our last conversation but presumably, they had another fight (?). I don’t want to excuse myself from initially behaving inappropriately—I should not have stayed at the apartment that evening, I get it.
However, I do think that she is now being unjustly rude to me.
So, am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. A couple of things are scary here, and it’s not what you think. It’s scary you needed internet confirmation that you’re good, and even more scary that you think you caused this and behaved inappropriately.
It’s scary because I’d be shocked if Anna doesn’t contact you again in an “emergency”, and you’re coming across as someone who would try to help. Do not do this. Clearly, this is a very toxic marriage, and you don’t know the whole story. That means you owe nothing to either of them and this could pose a risk to you.
She should already be blocked.” maricopa888
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You did nothing wrong, you had a nice conversation with a neighbor about a common interest. His wife is extremely jealous and I’m willing to bet one of the details she gave you was that he left his wife for her so she is well aware he is unfaithful.
Simply do as she asks. You don’t need that kind of drama in your life anyway. At some point, they will break up and one or both of them will move out.” Glinda-The-Witch
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and you did nothing wrong! Their marriage issues have absolutely nothing to do with you and if she’s insecure in her marriage, that’s her issue to deal with.
I’m going to take a guess that she did a complete 360 From venting to you to telling you to leave her & her husband alone because she embarrassed herself and her insecurities are once again getting in the way…but that’s my guess. I’d just stay “friendly” when you see either of them, a quick wave kind of thing, and nothing more.
I definitely wouldn’t try to befriend her or anything cause she’s a bit crazy” jacksonlove3
18. AITJ For Making My Cousin Grill His Own Specialty Meats At My Party?
“Last weekend, my wife and I hosted approx. 25 family members for a wedding shower and then a pool party.
The ladies all had the shower at our house while all the guys went golfing in the morning, then we had a swim party afterward. Dinner time came and I fired up the grill, which we usually do when we have people over to swim.
I sent my lovely assistant (daughter) out to get everyone’s order from the grill (typical midwestern American grill food options: ham/cheeseburger, hot dogs, brats) and I heard my cousin ask her if cheddarwurst was an option. In case anyone doesn’t know, cheddar wurst is essentially a brat stuffed with cheese.
I didn’t think much of it because he’s kind of a loudmouth and figured he was just giving my daughter a hard time for the fun of it.
However, about 35 minutes later, as I was in the middle of cooking the burgers, his wife came up to me at the grill and handed me a pack of cheddar wurst and said he (her husband) told her to give them to me to grill.
Turns out, he made her go to their house about a 10-minute drive away to get them and he wanted me to grill them for him.
Now, at this point, I was nearly done with the grilling, which I have to do in stages. I don’t have a super large grill and the brats and hot dogs were all done first so the kids could eat first. My patience was thin from spending the past half-hour+ standing at the hot grill in the hot summer sun.
I was tired, hungry, and just ready to get inside to finally eat for myself, so I yelled out to him that the grill would be ready for him in a few minutes. I finished up the burgers and on my way to deliver them to the kitchen I told him the grill was all his.
He was surprised and mildly incredulous that I was making him grill them, but he got up and did it with no problem.
There have been a handful of times in the past when something like this has happened while I am grilling for a party, and it has always struck me as rude of the person to bring the specialty item and expect me to grill it for them.
Mind you, I don’t mind providing for people’s dietary concerns, but in each of these cases, it was simply someone who wanted something different from what we were offering. The first time it happened, someone brought a giant ribeye steak for me to grill when we were offering hamburgers and hot dogs.
In each of these past instances, I did grill it for them. This time, however, I had finally had enough.
Anyway, I thought everything was fine and I was happy that I finally spoke up against it and it went really smoothly. But, not long after dinner, I overheard his wife complaining to one of my sisters-in-law that I was rude for making him work the grill at our party.
Am I the jerk for not being a good enough host, or am I right in being annoyed when people bring their own specialty meats for the grill because the options I have on offer aren’t to their liking?”
Another User Comments:
“I think it is rude to bring steak to another’s grill and not bring enough for everyone, or at least the hosts.
I think you handled this situation with the cheddar wurst tactfully. Why should you delay your meal for someone who brought their own food, and brought it late.? NTJ” Aggravating-Pain9249
Another User Comments:
“NTJ the only rude one is the cousin, he could’ve talked to you before the cookout to see if you would make them.
Then he made his wife go to get his food and expected you to make them for him. This guy expected everyone else to do the work and is annoyed at you for being “rude”. A lesser host would have just shut off the grill, however you were very polite about offering him the grill.
If you go to someone’s party you eat what they have or don’t, expecting a change so far into the event is ridiculous.” Specific-Caramel1142
17. AITJ For Trying To Break Up My Mum And Her Abusive Partner?
“I am 15 F and my mum is 32 F and we live with her partner who is 40 something (M).
I know it’s not really my place to pry into my mother’s relationship
Before I get to why I am trying to break them up (not by force, etc) Please do let me know if I am out of order or bratty I just need to be told.
My mum is a great woman and she’s very kind, thoughtful, and selfless she is partially deaf- she was diagnosed with the hearing of a 70-year-old
My close relatives (nan, grandad, and her brother/my uncle) disapprove of him. My mum’s partner on the other hand I really just don’t like him:
-He’s narcissistic what I mean by this is me having a problem with my feet (it’s not severe by any means) but on days standing up can be really painful (especially when stationary) and I struggle with my balance if I say my feet are aching (we often adapt to my feet) he complains and “one-ups” me.
(I’ll call my mum bf R) R runs as his hobby even when he has an injury with his foot or in extreme (30-degree heat) we’re from the United Kingdom where we don’t usually experience this and it can be dangerous to run in it he always complains after his run saying *his* feet are aching.
Whenever I tried to strike up a conversation with him he would always either tell me to “go away” or “shut up” because he’d have a headache from work and if I said “Why don’t you have paracetamol” I’d be met with an angry look or “shut up”, “go away” or “don’t answer me back.”
-When it was my birthday this year he was angry and once we went to get something to eat me and my mum went to get some food R apparently said something to my mum as we were getting something (I didn’t hear him either) and he was angry in the restaurant, shouting at her in front of people and when I tried to say something I was ignored.
-He dislikes me: every time I go downstairs he always tries to tell me to “go upstairs” Every. Single. Time and if I do stay downstairs he looks visibly angry and makes rude remarks which he calls jokes about me being and humiliates me saying I speak too much and he’s fixated on “joking” about me getting a job (one of his favorite things to “joke” about)
As of today, I’m scared of him: My mum suggested having two holidays next year since we normally go a week away (I’m very fortunate that I go away) and my mum’s partner started shouting (all while I was downstairs). My dog Arlo started to hide looking sad and distressed at this point I was really upset and just said “My mum meant me and her could just go” and he FLIPPED on me and started screaming, swearing at me, and insulting me calling me a “bully.”
I don’t handle shouting well at all (if I’m getting told off and getting a “normal” shout that’s fine but it was full-on screaming) I’ve never handled it well and it makes me get panic attacks and he is completely aware of this.
After this, I had stayed to text my mum that she deserves better AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. He seems very, very predator,y and seems like he snaps easily. I’m starting to see a lot of parallels between him and my stepfather (he was very violent). If he ever gets physical call the police immediately. Your mother and you are likely not his first victims.” TheTate410
Another User Comments:
“If you want to go nuclear, record discreetly, voice only, all the rude things he says to you and your mother. Then call Child Protective Services. Tell them you have an aunt to pick you up. Let it burn. Hope dozens of posters prove me wrong, but tbh that’s what my 16yo would do.
I’m a sweetheart nowadays, but was very scheming at that age. I thought the world was fair and it was my place to fix it. I was wrong.” cityflaneur2020
16. AITJ For Wanting To Kick Out My Recovering Addict Mother?
“I am 29 and my new husband is 30. Almost 3 years ago, I moved my mom in with us. My mom was addicted to substances almost my entire life. I moved away from my hometown in Florida when I was 23.
Mom and I have always been strained, and I was raised by my dad mostly. She was in and out of my life, think little girl, mom promised to see her, little girl left crying at the window when she never shows, repeat. We have gone years where I didn’t know if she was alive or dead.
Fast forward to 2020. My grandma died, and I know mom can’t deal with it monetarily or emotionally. I had extra money at the time, so I drove to Florida and took care of Grandma’s funeral and stuff. Mom is skin and bones. Definitely under the influence.
She corners me at the end of the week and basically begs me to take her with me back to TN. Says she owes a dealer money and can’t go back to her trailer. I’m a doormat and a people pleaser, and I finally give in.
(Also, I have never used substances)
So she moves into our TINY townhouse and all is great but she doesn’t have a room, she’s in our living room. We know she’s sick as heck, so she is not going anywhere anytime soon. My then partner and I decided to DOUBLE our rent to get a house so she has a space.
650 to 1265. We do this having discussed with her that she can simply help with housework, do the cooking, and when she is able, find part-time work and give us 200 a month.
So we nurse her back to health, double her body weight and she has had 3 or 4 jobs in the time she has been here, all of which she quit as soon as she got her first paycheck after one week.
She started drinking heavily and stealing my husband’s booze. We have talked to her many times about it.
Recently, we have been smelling smoke coming from her room. She says it’s not her. I found a pack in her dresser drawer (maybe I shouldn’t have been looking but with our history can you blame me?) So if she’ll lie about something legal, what’s to stop her from hiding substance use?
Anyway. She’s so mean to us sometimes, but other times, she’s an angel. I have since become disabled and she resents doing more around the house because of my health. She says things to my husband like, “You’re too nice to her, tell her to get off her butt.” And gets so intoxicated she doesn’t remember ANYTHING the next morning.
I have been thinking about asking her to leave for so long. She was supposed to be with us for a few months but now it’s almost 3 years. I haven’t done so because I know she can’t afford the price to live anywhere, and I can’t bring myself to put her on the street.
But I think we came to a breaking point. She’s talking about moving out now, and I kinda wanna use this momentum. But I don’t know what to do because neither of us has money for a facility. She’s 59.
I just wanted to give her a chance to live.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You’ve done absolutely everything you could when you were never responsible for doing anything. At some point, you have to have to give yourself a chance to live.” StarIcy5636
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – For the sake of your marriage, your mental health, and sanity, your Mom needs to go.
Her presence in your home is destroying your peace. Three years of trying to help an addict is enough. She is not helping herself. As painful as it may be for you, time to let her go. You can’t continue to live like this anymore.
I bet when Mom moves out, your health & state of mind will improve. Good luck!” sunset-tx-armadillo
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. This doesn’t sound like a healthy environment for you, and I’m assuming your fiance as well. Do yourselves a favor and look up local eviction laws and proceed with giving her proper notice.
I know it’s a hard decision to make, but clearly this living situation isn’t working, Don’t put that pressure on yourself to be your mom’s savior, she has to be ready to fix her life.” Stranger0nReddit
15. AITJ For Not Losing Weight Despite Regular Gym Workouts?
“I (23m) am overweight and have been ever since I was a kid. My father has always given me grief about it.
He’s a runner and takes his fitness pretty seriously, and I think it bothers him that we are so physically different. When I was younger he would pressure me to go running with him, and then get frustrated when I couldn’t keep up. He forced me to do sports which I was terrible at, so my teammates bullied me.
When I complained, he’d say that if I wasn’t serious about my weight, it would get out of control and I’d die. He eventually gave up harping me about my weight or forcing exercise on me, though I could tell he was still disappointed.
Last year I returned home from college heavier than I’d ever been.
My father looked at me with complete disgust. I don’t think we had a real conversation for months after I got home.
Then on my birthday six months ago he gifted me a membership to a nice new gym that opened in our town. It’s not cheap, but he said it was worth it if I committed to finally losing some weight.
He was very serious, it felt like an ultimatum. I wanted to really try this time. I didn’t like being fat either. And I didn’t want to keep disappointing him.
Turns out I REALLY love that gym. It’s a beautiful facility, and the people who work there are really supportive.
I can go anytime, and it’s really freeing to work out without my dad watching me. I did everything: treadmill, pool, machines, etc. But I really took a liking to weightlifting. I’m actually great at it; I’ve been building strength at a good pace, and get a real high when I graduate to heavier weights.
I’ve gotten to know other weightlifters there who give me tips and encouragement (and are even impressed with how much I can squat!). And I’ve built a lot of muscle in my arms, shoulders, and legs. I can’t remember ever feeling as confident or energetic as I do now.
The problem is, I haven’t lost weight. My body (to me) looks different and stronger, but I still have the same belly, I still have my double chin. But I’m feeling so much better, both physically and mentally. So it doesn’t bother me as much.
The other day, though, my father blew up at me at dinner. I put seconds onto my plate (lifting has given me more of an appetite) and that set him off. He said that he was wasting his money every month on the gym but I keep getting bigger.
He said I was supposed to be losing weight there. I tried to tell him how much I liked it, and that for the first time, I can be athletic in my own way. But he kept emphasizing that I wasn’t losing weight. The reason I was there was to fix my being fat.
He acted like I’d taken advantage of him. Though he didn’t say it, he implied that I owed him the gym fees for not losing weight as I’d agreed.
I guess I could have focused more on running or swimming or something like that instead of lifting.
And I did commit to losing weight when he first gave me the membership. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You are exercising, and it’s great that you’ve found something you love! I have no doubt that you have actually lost fat, but you’ve gained muscle, which weighs more than fat does.
Your father is being harmful, and he doesn’t seem to understand or care that a person’s health is about more than “just” how large they are or look.” beneficialmirror13
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your father is being controlled. Do the exercises that make you feel good in your body.
If you want to lose weight do it of your own accord and talk to a nutritionist. If he can’t interact with you without being abusive cut him out of your life.” NeeliSilverleaf
Another User Comments:
“NTJ I’m so glad you’re learning how to be comfortable in your body and enjoying the physical activity.
That needs to be the focus. Your father is controlling and (borderline?) abusive for haranguing and insulting you over and over. He needs to learn that he can’t force you to be a younger version of him. He’s the jerk a million times over.
I’m sorry you have to deal with his issues” sashas2369
14. AITJ For Refusing To Pay My Brother After He Neglected My Dog While I Was Deployed?
“I (24M) am an officer in the US Army; I’m not sure how this could blow up in my face but I’m not taking any chances.
I deploy to foreign countries sometimes. I often have to ask my family to take care of things back home.
I asked my brother (22M) to take care of my dog, Churro (3M). He was to visit Churro each day, and to feed him every day for one year (with the exception of my 2 week R&R leave.) I would pay him $5,000 cash.
Last night, I came home for my mid-deployment R&R.
At the airport, my brother would not make eye contact with me until I asked him to. He wouldn’t tell me what was wrong when I asked, so I decided to drop it.
When I got into my apartment Churro came barreling into me, clearly excited to see me.
I thought for a moment that he was maybe skinnier than I remember, but I brushed it off. We hugged and wrestled a little bit, and then I brought him dinner.
Churro freaked out and dived for the food bowl. Confused, I reached for him to calm him down and he bit my hand hard, drawing blood.
He pulled back immediately, looking apologetic.
I called my brother to ask him about this behavior and if he knew what was going on. He was really dodgy at first and kept trying to change the subject. I got frustrated with him and demanded he tell me what he knew.
It was then that he confessed that he “may have missed a day here and there”. I yelled at him for putting Churro and myself in danger, and his only question was “You’re still going to pay me, right?”
I said “I’ll think about it” and hung up on him.
An hour later, I got a call from his wife, begging me to console him. She said he broke down sobbing at the mere thought that I wasn’t going to pay him. I politely told the wife that I hadn’t decided yet, but even people who miss a day or two of work still get paid for the days they worked.
That’s when she dropped a huge bomb. My brother’s wife said something along the lines of “One or two days? Sometimes he’d skip an entire week.” (I have no idea why she would throw him under the bus like that but she did.) Immediately I heard my brother wailing and calling her names, and said “Hang up the phone you stupid woman”)
I lost it. I yelled “I’m not paying you, you’re lucky if I ever TALK to you again.” and hung up.
Since then, he, his wife, and my mother have been blowing up my phone. My brother with texts and voicemails begging me for forgiveness and telling me how much he needs the money, his wife trying to say she misspoke and “it was only 3 days” (as if that was any better) and my mother trying to convince me that my brother is more important than my dog.
I’m not budging and I told my mother that if she doesn’t stop taking his side in this, I would stop talking to her too. But when I got another voicemail from her sobbing about breaking up the family, I began to wonder if I might actually be the jerk here.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Everyone Sucks Here. You are not in any position to own a pet. Even your instructions to your brother are not appropriate. The dog only gets a visit once per day, which limits socialization and the need for company, and then a once-a-day check for food.
You need to rehome the dog. That does not excuse your brother not holding up his end of the deal and visiting every day. You will have to make other arrangements (hopefully a rehoming of the dog) while you are on R&R.” sheramom4
Another User Comments:
“Everyone Sucks Here the dog needs a stable home, unfortunately, you are not able to provide this. Ye,s the brother was horrific but you entrusted this person, you’ve known him your whole life, and I find it hard to believe there was no indication that he was ill-suited to this task.
also, the best case is that the dog lived alone aside from daily feedings. for a flipping year? Even if everything went as planned your plan was cruel and abusive to Churro.” Cultural_Section_862
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I’d have been furious to come home from a deployment and find my pet was being neglected by a family member.
But in the future, please look into Dogs On Deployment for volunteers who will board your pet while you deploy. They’re amazing.” Anxious-Ocelot-712
13. AITJ For Not Inviting My Sister To My Wedding Because Of Her Immature Behavior?
“I, 25M, am engaged to my fiance, 23F, and we are currently in the process of planning our wedding. I am one of four siblings and am fairly close to all of them with the exception of one of my sisters, Jenny 39F. Jenny has created a lot of drama for our family in recent years.
We believe she is having a midlife crisis of sorts. She married and had children quite young and has decided to ‘reclaim her youth’ at the detriment of her now ex-husband Martin and her children Chris 17M and Miranda 15F. She frequently spends her weekends partying with a group of her coworkers who are much younger than her and has sparked up a relationship with Oliver 28 M.
We met Oliver late last year at a family gathering where it was revealed that he is the ex-partner of my other sister, Rachels, and wife, Emilia. The dinner was a nightmare and ended with lots of yelling and tears from pretty much everyone in attendance.
After the dinner, Rachel explained to our family that Oliver and Emilia were together until Emilia came out as Bi, and Oliver homophobic-ally attacked her. They have not been in contact since. Our older brother Jason, approached Jenny and explained the situation as he is the closest with her and she began to throw a tantrum about how we do not support her and how we should just ignore Emilia and Rachel to make her happy as well as some other mid-life crisis nonsense.
Since this event, the family has made it clear to Jenny that as long as Oliver is around and she continues this inappropriate and immature behavior she will not be welcome.
Now the time has come for Ellie and I to organize who we will be inviting to our wedding.
We are very close with Rachel and Emilia so it was a no-brainer for us to invite them rather than Jenny and Oliver. Invites were sent out a couple of weeks ago and it has gotten back to Jenny that she will not be invited. She claims that we are being cruel by not allowing her to reclaim her youth and have the fun she should have been having in her 20s while she was raising children.
Her outrage only increased when she discovered we had invited her ex-husband and her kids as well as her ex’s new partner.
I truly love my sister with all of my heart and it pains me to see her in this state. However, I also love my SIL and my fiance and do not wish for their evenings to be ruined due to my sister’s unhinged behavior.
I’m wondering if I was too harsh by not inviting her and perhaps should have invited her and not allowed her a plus one. I am also concerned that I was out of line by inviting her ex and his partner. Martin and I were close when he was married to Jenny and his partner has been an amazing support to my nephew and particularly my niece while their mum has been living it up with 20-year-olds.
I understand my sister’s pain however my niece and nephew are still children who need their mother’s support and the way she has gone about everything has been extremely detrimental to their mental health as well as her own. So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
Jenny needs to act her age, not her shoe size. Her kids are 17 and 15, they need a mother, not some party girl. This is entirely on her. She chose to have a family at a young age. It’s good you didn’t invite her. Jenny needs some time to think about what she wants in life; a supportive family or a younger group of party people.
She can’t expect to abandon her kids and have everyone say “Oh it’s fine as long as she’s having fun”. Life doesn’t work that way.” Wonderful-Lie-650
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. As you suggested you could have invited her and not allowed her a plus one.
But it sounds like she is extremely selfish at the moment. And not mature enough to let her problems be for a – your day. And as you wanted to invite your niece and nephew as well as her ex-husband. It seems better this way.
Maybe if you see any change, that she is able to behave herself, you might invite her for tea or coffee before and explain the situation to her again: ‘You don’t want her partner there, because of your SIL. You don’t want any drama, although you invite her ex-family.
You don’t want your wedding to be any excuse for her, that she can re-live her youth (no booze excess, no party games you don’t like). And if she is willing to act like an older sister and support you, she will be invited.’ – but even if you will do that, have one of your friends or siblings on ‘Jenny duty’ to watch her and throw her out of the wedding, if she wants to start any drama” Trevena_Ice
12. AITJ For Not Wanting To Use My Investment Money For My Husband's New Car?
“My husband & I have been married for 3 years. When we got married he had a nice car that he was making payments on while I had one that was fully paid off but was not very nice.
About two years ago I started thinking of getting a new car because I was making better money at work and I really thought I deserved something better. I had been driving my old car for 5 years with no payments because I bought it in cash for $4,000.
You can imagine what type of car it was.
Since we’d have to finance a new car, my husband fought me tooth and nail through the entire process. He wanted us to save and buy a vehicle in cash. I wanted a new car from the dealership and it would take us 3 years to save that kind of money.
We ended up buying my dream car ($35k, nothing too fancy) but again, he disagreed with this decision fully so it was bittersweet. Right now I owe $20k for the vehicle and the payments are super easy to make. For context, I make $70k and he makes 100k.
When I bought my car, my husband decided to downsize his. He sold his previous car for a profit and bought himself a very humble car that needed a bunch of repairs but it gets him from point A to B. His old car used up a lot of gas and he works from home so it’s not like he needed something nicer.
He just wanted to have as little debt as possible.
Anyway I feel like that context was needed but getting to the point;
Now, my husband wants a new car. I’m on board with it but we don’t have the money to buy the one he wants cash (36k).
For about 5 years I’ve been putting away small amounts of money weekly into an investment account that has given me some nice returns. Part luck, part consistency. There’s about $12k in that account but I don’t really have a plan for it. I thought of maybe using it to buy myself a new ring.
My current engagement ring is very modest (worth around $300) because my husband is a modest man. I love him and the ring, but someday I wanna wear a big rock lol. The money is also there for an emergency, or if we ever wanted to buy a house.
Like I said I don’t really have a solid plan for it.
Well, my husband thinks I’m selfish because I don’t wanna sell my investments for him to buy a new car and thus lower the amount we have to finance. He hates debt and wants as little of it as possible.
I told him we have good jobs and our life is modest. We own a home (condo), have no kids, and have good jobs. We can finance the car and make the payments with no issues.
Also for additional context, we pool all of our money into our joint account.
All our finances are combined except this one account. My weekly investment is part of our budget since I had been doing it before we got married and I wanted to continue it. He also puts money into his own investment account but doesn’t have as much as I do.
Maybe 1/3 of it.
Now he’s not talking to me. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – Do not give him your investment money. Your post stated he had some saved money also, let him use that. Help him make the monthly car payment, as I assume he helped you from your joint account.
But I am biased, married for 35 years. The only joint account we have is our mortgage. We maintain separate accounts & it works well for us. I think women should have their own finances & learn to manage money in case something happens in their marriage.
Good luck OP!” sunset-tx-armadillo
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Is he liquidating his investments? If not, he shouldn’t ask for yours. If you can finance his car just fine, then do so. He’s at liberty to get a second job to help pay his car note” Emotional_Bonus_934
11. AITJ For Taking My Neglectful Neighbor's Inbred Cats To A Shelter?
“I (29f) moved into my home a little over 4 years ago. My neighbor down the street (62f) has always had cats. When I first moved in she had four cats and claimed they belonged to her nephew (17m). I didn’t mind the cats at first because he kept them fed and they seemed to stay around their house.
About a year later I noticed one cat seemed to have kittens. Perhaps it was an accident litter and they just didn’t get the cat fixed or her nephew rescued it that way. Fast forward to 6m later and now those kittens have had kittens.
They’re all one giant inbred cat family. In passing, I bring up a local organization that does free spay/neutering for cats. They would just need to carry the cats up to the facility to get them signed up and surgery started. She complains that she didn’t have a vehicle right then and her nephew has work and school so she’s unable to get him to take her.
I offered to take the cats on one of my days off so she wouldn’t have to worry about transportation. She said she’d talk to her nephew, so I left it at that.
Two years go by and what started out as four cats has now become thirteen.
She hasn’t made any effort to get the cats fixed and is now avoiding me. The cats are now wandering our street and doing their business on everything. I have lost a few planters because cats are knocking them off their stands. My other neighbor said they’re doing their business in his BBQ grill.
One night my husband found one of the cats writhing in pain in the middle of the street in front of our house. It had been struck by a car. Then, I decided something needed to be done and I wasn’t going to wait on them to decide.
The cat died in my arms as I was trying to scoop it up to take it to the local animal hospital. My husband and I being animal lovers ourselves decided to bury it near our fence line so the children didn’t have to see it while walking to the park.
As my husband is digging the hole my neighbor drove by, backed up, and then told my husband to stop and wait until her nephew got home so he could identify the cat. She didn’t know when he would be home so we had to wait until she decided it was okay.
I wasn’t going to wait around for her, as in the past, that hasn’t been anything in the immediate future. At that point, I lost it. I told her to take a photo of the cat if it was that important and we’d bury it.
Nearly immediately she started cussing and yelling before driving off.
Since that day, any one of the cats that has wandered into my yard I’ve carried off to animal services without hesitation. They are going to a no-kill shelter and a few are in foster homes.
She could go and pick them up if she wanted to. Some of the cats do have defects due to the inbreeding. At this point, I’m at a loss for what to do as the city won’t do anything. They say the animal’s basic needs are met (water, food, shelter) so they are unable to make her surrender the animals.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She’s being cruel to them by letting them inbreed when there are *literally free spaying services* near you. If they’re all in no-kill shelters or at least being fostered, that’s an enormous improvement. You’ve probably saved some of their lives, seeing as the owner lets them wander around where they can get killed by cars.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ I’d say whenever you can take them – you’re saving them from neglect and cruelty. She and her nephew don’t deserve them, and those cats deserve better! Please just keep saving them – and I would go as as trying to anonymously warn people not to sell/give their animals to these guys.
You’d be saving a living thing from pain, neglect, and inbreeding. If the authorities can’t do anything then someone needs to – within the allowed framework!” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – she sounds like a pet hoarder. My husband’s family used to live down the road from one and the animals were in a horrible state.
Eventually, the RSPCA raided her house and seized the animals, some had to be put down as they were so unwell and inbred. One of my cats was a rescued from a hoarder, she’s a lovely girl but clearly has trust issues and walks with a limp where one of the dogs on the property mauled her before she was rescued and she didn’t get vet care.
I only wish your city council would step in and remove the rest and ban her from keeping animals.” Popular-Syllabub-491
10. AITJ For Considering An Ultimatum Due To My Fiancé's Declining Mental Health?
“I (24m) have been with my fiancé (24f) for almost 5 years, engaged for about 9 months. We met in college and she studied journalism while I studied engineering. Coming out of school my starting salary was just over twice what hers was, and we had moved into a rental house together, so we agreed to split our shared expenses (rent, utilities, meals) proportional to our income.
I paid 2/3 while she paid 1/3.
That worked fine until about 6 months ago when she lost her job because she was calling out too much (at least once a week) because her mental health was heavily declining. Severe depression runs in my family, myself included, so I know how heavy it can feel.
Luckily I got the right medications while I was a teenager and have been thriving ever since. The next day we were talking about it and she decided that she needed a break from work to just better her mental health since I love her, I told her I fully supported her in that and we referenced our earlier agreement that our contributions would be proportional to our income so I would take over the entirety of the shared expenses….
that was fine then but she has gotten much worse in the following months. It is to where she really doesn’t take care of herself as a functional adult.
She usually sleeps 14-16 hours a day and whatever time she is awake is usually spent on TikTok or watching Netflix.
I do my very best to help her with a love and support structure, and to get her involved with therapy and to see a psychiatrist to potentially get on medication but she has stopped going to therapy and every medication they put her on has only made her feel worse.
I have taken on doing the cooking, cleaning, yard work, house maintenance, and taking care of her two high-energy dogs (that have kinda un-officially become my dogs because of the state she is in) in an attempt to relieve any extra pressures that might make it harder for her.
I have tried to confront her about our state of living and that I don’t think that things are getting better in the current situation. I have a full-time engineering job and am also working on starting my own side business so for the past few months I have been working 12-15 hours most days.
Any other time I have is spent on house duties, taking care of the dogs, or spending time with her if she is awake. It is exhausting for me to handle everything by myself on top of taking care of her, not to mention draining my financial savings, so I am starting to become bitter towards her.
I have tried to approach her gently about it but she has said that talking about it makes her “feel even more like a failure” and makes her depression worse. I know that the marriage vows that I plan to take soon say “in sickness and in health” and that mental health is included in that, but I am really considering throwing an ultimatum in the mix and telling her that she needs to figure out how to be an adult or else I will have to reconsider our relationship.
WIBTJ for taking this approach?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I would suggest not issuing an ultimatum. Sometimes the ultimatum overshadows the intent, which is she needs to get help. Let her know her behavior and actions are now affecting your mental health and you are struggling.
If she can’t get help for herself, you don’t think you can continue to carry on, because of how mentally and physically exhausting it is. You are laying it on the line, but no ultimatum is getting in the way of her understanding what you are saying.
Good luck OP.” LuckystPets
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but I wouldn’t phrase it as “figure out how to be an adult”. Unfortunately, depression happens, and it is terrible. You can be as mature as you want but it doesn’t matter. Phrase it differently, for example, that she needs to get help and reconsider therapy or you would reconsider the relationship.
Taking care of someone who has health issues is difficult and sometimes we feel like we have to stick with them, but we need to remember to take care of ourselves as well, and if that means breaking up, so be it.” Ksanral
Another User Comments:
“Another talk is going to have to happen. I wouldn’t give any ultimatums, rather be fully honest and transparent with how things are affecting you as well. You can tell her how much she and her well-being mean to you. Those things have started to take a toll on you, and it’s more than you can take on by yourself.
Suggest that she really gives herself a chance by going into therapy and sticking with it. At the end of the day, you cannot handle this all on your own. Let her know that. She has to want to try and get better in order to start the journey of getting better.” Dry_Dragonfruit_4191
9. AITJ For Not Wanting My MIL To Take My Child To Her House For Childcare?
“I 40-F am married to 40-M we have an 11mo child. We both work unpredictable hours and decided my MIL was the best fit for childcare as she would have more flexibility in hours and needed the income. She usually nannies for about 8hrs M-F, but on occasion we need her for 10hrs on one of those days.
The agreement was that she would be in our home with him. I get to stop home for lunch every day and see him but it’s not uncommon for me to work past 10 pm and that’s past his bedtime. This convenience costs us more than regular day care and I am happy to pay for the 1on1 interaction and care that only a grandmother can give.
This has worked fine for all of us for 9 months. However, my MIL took it upon herself to come up with a new arrangement where she takes him to her house every day all day. I will not be able to see him at lunch anymore.
At first, she proposed it as an option for us to consider however when I expressed my concern and said I didn’t like it she decided she was going to do it anyway.
We only have 1 car seat base and it stays in my car as it’s a pain to install.
I take a different vehicle to work so my MIL has that car for emergencies, quick stops at the grocery or what have you. I have allowed these outings with the understanding that she should let me know when and where she is taking my child and my car.
Lately, she has stopped informing me of the trips and just expects me to accept it. She also expects me to let her continue with her new plan that I am not a fan of.
There will be even less communication and accountability from her in her environment.
I feel that she is trying to gain more control over my child than I want to give. She manipulates the situation to make herself the victim whenever we disagree. “I have depression and you need to consider that.” I took Friday off to deal with all my emotions and think about my expectations in this situation so we can sit down and discuss the options on Saturday.
I did tell her that I am considering taking more time off until I can get alternate daycare established. This was a huge fight and she called my husband crying that I was threatening to take her grandson away from her and terminate her job.
I think that my expectations and boundaries are reasonable because it’s my kid. I have been noticing some narcissistic tendencies and manipulation from MIL. When I call her out on her behavior I’m told that I misunderstood her. I don’t want my kid to think this behavior is acceptable as he gets older.
I was raised to be blunt and direct with my communication. Friends have told me that I come off as insensitive sometimes and I try to be as gentle with her as I can.
Essentially 100% want to say “It’s MY kid, IT’S MY WAY OR THE HIGHWAY.” Quitting my job to SAHM is not an option at this time and if I did she would just say I did it to spite her.
Am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, I ask your husband would he put up with an employee not listening to their boss? If not why would he allow it with MIL? You guys are paying her. Ask him how would he feel if he didn’t get to see your child after he got off work.
Losing that time during lunch is something you can never get back. She is taking that away from you. She is taking advantage of you guys. This is a two-day situation. Either MIL follows the rules regarding her job or she will be fired” lilwildjess
Another User Comments:
“Many questions, none you have to answer, but there’s so much left out. – Can you buy another car seat? – Is MIL’s house too far from home to go for lunch? – Is MIL uncomfortable at your house? – 10 hours is a long time to watch a baby.
Is it possible she’s tired and wants to be at her home? – Is the baby sleeping at her house now or is she bringing them to yours? It seems like clear rules and expectations need to be set. If you can’t agree, then you’ll need to find another nanny or compromise.
No jerks here” WielderOfAphorisms
8. AITJ For Not Forgiving My Mom's Partner After He Screamed At Me And Threatened To Sabotage My Custody Case?
“Three years ago, I left my daughter’s father because he was a narcissistic jerk and did not want to do anything with his life.
I re-met my, now, fiance shortly after. When I separated I moved back to my father’s and my ex got obsessed to the point where he filed a complaint against me for child mistreatment out of spite. That summer my mom and her partner invited me to go on vacations with them.
At first, I didn’t want to go ’cause I couldn’t afford it (I was unemployed since my ex forbade me from working) but my mom insisted she would pay for everything.
Long story short, I asked my mom if she would be willing to meet my at-the-time partner during the vacation since he had a day off and could meet us there.
She asked her partner and he said no problem, that we could all go for a coffee after dinner. I’m not sure where it went wrong, but my mom and her partner got into a fight. When my fiance arrived, my mom and her partner were upset so he didn’t want to go for the coffee as planned and my mom decided not to go either.
I brushed it off and said I was going. My mom said if I wanted I could put my daughter to sleep and she would watch over her. I found it very odd, as she had never suggested such a thing, but I accepted it and left at around midnight.
Not twenty minutes later, my mom called telling me to return home because her partner was screaming that I was irresponsible and just wanted to abandon my daughter to go get tipsy. I was very shocked by the situation. When I walked inside the house, my mom’s partner was screaming in the hallway as my daughter was sleeping in the room right beside him about how disrespectful I was, bringing my partner into a house I didn’t pay for, for leaving my child to go out partying, called me multiple names and said that neither I or my fiance were welcome in the house anymore.
Now, let me just say this was the first time my mom ever looked after my daughter. Also, me and my fiance went out for a simple cup of coffee, not to party.
At that moment, I did not want a confrontation with him because he was clearly getting heated. Also, my main concern was to get my daughter away from the situation.
The next time I entered the house to get my personal belongings, my brother was standing between them. I told my mom and my brother to grab their stuff, cause we were leaving. It was a mess, but my mom decided to stay and at around 2 AM, my daughter, my fiance, and my brother were on the road doing the 200 miles back home.
After that, I found out some nasty things he said, like he was going to help my ex build the case against me and lie if he had to to get his revenge on me, etc. We had no further contact after that and my relationship with my mom suffered a lot since he never apologized, still defends he’s right and my mom takes his side.
AITJ for not forgiving him?”
Another User Comments:
“Your mom’s partner is terrifying and manipulative. He sounds straight up dangerous and I’m worried about your mom too. Stay far away from him. NTJ.” sofacy
Another User Comments:
“Absolutely positively NTJ. He sounds abusive, and controlling, like he has anger issues and is just toxic.
There was no reason for any of what happened and your mom defending him and siding with him is vile!” jacksonlove3
Another User Comments:
“Obviously NTJ! People cannot demand forgiveness from you. Forgiveness is only given by the victim when they feel like they can.
And it may be never. Nothing wrong with that. What is wrong with your mom’s partner??? what triggered him? What is the issue?” CZTachyonsVN
7. AITJ For Kicking Out A Colleague From My Car For Mocking My Disease?
“We’re in grad school and there was a conference in our field about 4 hours away. A group of us agreed to go down together. I’m not too close with these people but we’re in the same program and consider ourselves to be colleagues.
I’m a little older and the only one with a car, most of the people in my program are only a couple of years out of undergrad, I’m not sure about the ages of the 3 other people in this story but around the mid-20s.
So I was gonna drive 3 other people down and we’d split expenses. It’s important to note that the person I ended up kicking out is presenting a paper at this conference. The 3 of us were not but were attending for networking.
I go to pick them up at the agreed-upon spot and as they’re getting in the car, someone makes a comment that we’re running a little late.
Not a complaint, really just a comment. At that point, I told them, hey, I have ulcerative colitis which is an IBD, and so I may not make frequent bathroom stops which might make us late. I then warn them just in case it happens, that it’s possible I won’t make it in time and not have control and might accidentally mess myself in the car.
So the one guy gives a little laugh when I said that. I said it’s not a joke. He responds, wait, you actually might mess yourself up in the car, can’t you try to hold it? I’m thoroughly annoyed at this and the situation gets more tense.
I’m not in the mood to explain my condition to this person so just say no, I can’t hold it. He responds “That’s disgusting, but whatever.”
At that point, it was over. I said get out of my car, you’re not driving with us.
The guy tries to back peddle, first saying he was joking, then apologizing. I only say you’re not getting in the car. He’s refusing to leave. We go back and forth where I tell him he can take the train. The 2 other guys are trying to mediate and asking me to drop it.
I say if he comes, we’re not going. I said I might mess myself which is too disgusting for him to handle so he can take his chances with the train.
He eventually realizes I’m not playing so he gets out. We drive down as the 3 of us.
The other guys don’t want to press it, the only thing they said was that I may have overreacted, but I don’t think they wanted to get too involved. The other guy was upset and texted me to please turn around, it was not fair that I agreed to be the transport and didn’t follow through.
He ended up not being able to go and did not present his paper. He said I messed with his career by making him miss it. Other people our program are saying I should be practical with my career and not burn bridges with people I might need in the future.
Did I go too far? I feel bad the guy missed his panel but he really upset me off with that comment about my disease. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Yes, you went too far. This looks incredibly bad on you professionally and is not an appropriate way to treat someone you consider a colleague.
You should’ve planned to arrive extra early so if you did need to stop for the bathroom, you wouldn’t make everyone late. His response was rude, but frankly, you over-shared and it was just not appropriate at all.” jmaeww
Another User Comments:
“YTJ On what planet is it weird to be grossed out by a literal mess?
You’re insulted that people aren’t okay with feces? And why didn’t you tell anyone about this before allowing them to rely on you for their ride and commit to being in a car that, at any moment, could have a mess in it that they’d have to smell and ride with until the next rest-stop, however long that would take?
And why didn’t you leave early, fully knowing you have this issue and it would likely impact your drive time and make you late?” DerpDevilDD
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. The guy was rude and dumb — if the fix was as simple as “holding it,” it wouldn’t be the problem it is, would it?
However, if your disease is bad enough that you do occasionally mess your pants, either you shouldn’t offer people 4-hour rides, or you should let them know IN ADVANCE that that’s a possibility. Springing it on people as they’re getting into your car is a jerk move.
I would be just as concerned about your relationships with the colleagues you gave rides to and the rest of your department, as the one colleague you kicked out.” ggcc789
6. AITJ For Blowing Up At My Roommate Over A Lego Set?
“I (F22) ended up going off on my roommate (M21, Sam for this story) for breaking my Lego set.
Background – Sam and I moved into an apartment last year.
We were friends from school (but I was always closer with our other roommate we moved in with, F21)
I have quite a few Lego sets so I put a few on shelves in the common area (with approval from them both of course.) After I put them out I noticed that Sam would mess with them a bit, the mini figures would be in random sets and weird positions, but really I had no issue with that.
He seemed interested in new builds and I was just excited to have someone to talk about them with as I built them. However, there seemed to be a point where he lost a sense of carefulness with them and the issue progressed. There was a few times I came home and a larger piece would be broken off.
I tried to brush it off and when I brought it up he seemed slightly apologetic but I would still find pieces nonetheless.
-Now before you all say “Well sit down and actually talk to him about it directly!” – I did. So many times.
Started more lighthearted at first “Hey please be careful if you touch anything!” eventually turned to “Please don’t touch the sets.”
I had recently gotten the Daily Bugle set as a birthday present and was over the moon to build it. It had been my most sought-after set for months and I was very vocal about my excitement for the set when I started building it.
I usually build my sets in my room but the Bugle set is quite big. Has tons of parts and is overall a really detailed build. Because of this, I needed more space and decided to build it on the table in the dining room (which we absolutely never use.) When I started building I noticed Sam’s interest in the set.
We first bonded over our Spider-Man tattoos when we first met so I was more than happy to let him watch and show him the cool pieces. I spent hours building as much as I could and got about 85% done with the build on Saturday afternoon.
I went out with my friends for lunch and was so excited to finish the set when I got back.
Except I returned to it shattered on the floor. I’ll be honest, I snapped. When I walked in to see the two levels of the building shattered on the ground I saw red. He walked out of his room and tried to play it off by saying he was just trying to see inside the floors when it slipped but I just started yelling.
I called him a jerk and inconsiderate but he immediately switched from his phony apology to saying I should “be happy I get to build it again” and took it further by saying “I shouldn’t care about pieces of plastic that are a waste of money.” Sam just refused to see how his breaking the set could possibly bother me.
I walked off before it could get any worse and immediately felt guilty but I was also just so angry and defeated. I don’t want to cause issues in the apartment and I know I could rebuild the set so AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ I’m not sure what his angle is here. Does he see joy out of destroying it because it makes you happy? Is he jealous that you have a hobby and he doesn’t? IDK, but what I do know is he wouldn’t be my roommate anymore and I would move my stuff to the bedroom and get a lock.
If the other roommate doesn’t get on the same page as you, then you move out. You have every right to have your things not messed with or touched, even if they are in the common areas.” JackedLilJill
Another User Comments:
“Wholly NTJ. I am really unsure how you view this as your fault.
It’s your property. Also, Legos take time to build, and pieces can get damaged or lost if they fall to the ground. He shouldn’t be dissing you for your spending choices anyhow (some Lego sets and mini figures are collectibles and can rise to astronomical prices, so he’s super wrong on that count lol.
Even if they don’t have sentimental value).” missdillydally
Another User Comments:
“NTJ at all. I bought the daily bugle for my son (15m) when it came out as a Christmas gift. It took him 8 hours straight to build. We all including my special needs child know it’s never to be touched or messed with and we all respect that wholeheartedly, same respect they don’t touch my Lego sets (home alone house and friends, waiting for hocus pocus) your roommate is a toddler, has to be there cannot be any other explanation.
And btw… our 4 cats who go in and out of his room don’t even bother it lol” Acelley5
5. AITJ For Asking My Sister-In-Law To Pay Her Own Bills?
“I’ve known my wife for almost 8 years. We have a 3 yr old. The expression of when you marry your wife you marry your in-laws rings especially true in this situation. I have a sister-in-law who has been a constant mooch since I met her.
For context, when I first met my wife my sister-in-law would third wheel on our outings. I would pay for her portion too. When I was renovating my condo in order to sell it we moved in together. The house was jointly owned by my wife and sister-in-law.
Despite my sister-in-law getting married, I was disproportionately paying for groceries. We were living together for about 3 months. These were not regular grocery runs. I’m talking Costco $500-$600 a pop. Hindsight this bit me in the backside. She would still tag along for meals and I would pay for them 95% of them.
The exception is if her husband was there. In that case, she would ask him to pay. Otherwise, it’s always me who ends up eating the bill. Over the years, I’ve probably dropped over 2-3k in meals just to cover her half.
Despite my family income being 3-4x her family’s, I’m becoming very jaded. It’s not the money, it’s the opportunistic and shameless leeching.
For additional context, my sister-in-law not only mooches from me but also from the government. She evades taxes and in the process commits Medicaid fraud while claiming food stamps.
She has two kids and the federal government paid for both births. She avoided legally marrying my brother-in-law to continue to maintain those benefits. She recently bought a new house (360K) and living in a quiet suburb in the metro Houston area. For those to say she is broke, this is not the case.
She has money and will continue to scam to get by.
Culturally my family is all Chinese. I was born in the US while my wife’s side grew up in mainland rural China. Thankfully my wife came here when she was young and assimilated well with American culture/went to college.
I can’t say the same for my in-laws.
The most recent situation was when she came to visit for my kid’s birthday. We went out 3x over the week. I paid for all meals amounting to 500+. As I’m sick of her never paying, I sent her a message and said thanks for coming but please do not have the expectation that I will be paying going forward.
She has taken advantage of my generosity for years and it needs to stop. We will either split the bill or she can cover. I stated the facts. I’m not rich. I work hard for my money. I ground away professionally for years to get to where I am today.
After telling my sister-in-law to front her own bills, WW1 broke out in my household. Turns out my in-laws are like NATO. An attack on one is an attack on all. My wife is downplaying the amount and is mad I disrespected her family. My sister-in-law is saying the same thing and feeling disrespected. My mother-in-law now hates my guts too.
They are downplaying the amount I paid and calling me cheap. I don’t feel like I did anything wrong. I spoke my mind. Am I a jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. I read the whole thing, but my judgment is based on this much: “For context, when I first met my wife my sister-in-law would third wheel on outings.
I would pay for her portion too. When I was renovating my condo in order to sell it we moved in together. The house was jointly owned by wife and sister-in-law. Despite my sister-in-law getting married, I was disproportionately paying for groceries. ” OMG, you are your own worst enemy.
Other people may say ESH, and I would not dispute it. But I think YTJ is more to the point, as you are a jerk to YOURSELF. SIL third wheel on outings, expecting you to pay. And your GF at the time was OK with that?
How do you ignore such an obvious red flag? Most guys would have balked at paying for SIL the very first chance to do so. Or if that didn’t work, the guy would have simply moved on to the next chick by the 3rd or 4th date, if they even got that far.
But you married into this mess?!?!?!?!?!? YTJ” North_Badger6101
Another User Comments:
“I don’t fault you for derailing the gravy train but did you discuss the plan to put your foot down with your wife before you made your pronouncement? If you have combined incomes she may feel that “treating” her sister is well within bounds as part of her familial relationship.
I agree with your decision but would suggest she may be feeling some frustration because based on what you’ve written it looks like you made the decision about her family without considering her.” FeistyMuttMom
Another User Comments:
“NTJ as you gave advance notice the mooching is at an end.
It would be different if you went out to eat, split the bill, and left her there if she couldn’t pay. It’s also different if you invite her out and say it’s your treat. If I go out with family I always expect to pay my share and order accordingly.
If they choose to treat me it’s a happy surprise and I offer to either leave the tip or at least contribute toward it.” User
4. AITJ For Cleaning And Using The Room I Sublet?
“I (26F) rented a room from someone (23F) as a sublet. I’d seen the place once before and we agreed via text that she would empty it out a bit so that I had some space for my belongings. However, when I entered the room after she left I was pretty shocked: the closet was still full of clothes, dirty sheets on the bed, more clothes shoved under the bed, dust everywhere, and even some laundry in the corner.
There were also 2 mountain bikes, 2 snowboards, a pair of skis, and many more things in the room.
In short, it looked like she just packed for her trip and left. There was zero space for me to live. I was annoyed but what could I do, so I cleaned up, washed the sheets, did her laundry, moved the clothes and skis to a closet in the hallway, and put some of her stuff in a box so that I had some space to live.
I lived there for 3.5 months and cleaned the room before I left.
However, after I moved out, I received a long text message from her. She was very upset and in her words, she never experienced anything like this before with a sublet. It made her really uncomfortable that I touched her stuff and it included a list of the things that I ruined:
* Apparently she gets her sheets dry cleaned only, and by putting them in the washing machine, they were less soft and had completely lost all their value to her. (I don’t live in a world with this type of luxury and I did not think about this.
But it turns out they were very expensive and now I feel awful about myself for using them)
* From the clothes that I moved, a dress now has a wrinkle in it.
* The skis acquired a new scratch (could be, I didn’t check, but if so, very understandable that she’s upset about that)
* I used her coffee that was in a Tupperware on the desk and left some new coffee in the kitchen, but apparently it was very expensive and she can’t believe that I used it.
* etc., the list goes on.
It almost seems like she didn’t really realize that I would, you know, *live* there.
She left the room as a mess, how did she expect me to not touch anything? And if she didn’t want me to use/touch specific items, why didn’t she tell me?
She’s acting like I intentionally ruined all her belongings for her, which was of course never my intention.
I just.. didn’t think about it (and maybe that’s my biggest fault here). Of course, I would have never done that if I knew the value that some items have (to her). My friends tell me that she’s acting like an entitled rich girl, supported by the fact that I paid rent to her dad, not to her, but of course, they’re on my side.
She wants to be financially compensated for all the damage. We don’t have a contract so she doesn’t have anything to fall back on (I’ll pay her anyway for the things that I feel are fair; skis for example and some extra for whatever), but it’s not about the money for me.
I’m at a point where I start to tremble every time I receive a message from her and I just want to know if I’m wrong here. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Obvious NTJ. She’s out of her mind. The craziest one for me is the sheets.
What did she expect was going to happen? You’d just sleep on her sheets for 3 months without changing them? You’d throw them into a dirty heap until you moved out? Washing and storing them seems better to me than both of those options, but I feel like she would have been upset no matter what you did.
Just bizarre behavior by someone who doesn’t understand how the world works. I wouldn’t even pay her for the skis, I really doubt you were the one to damage them.” Old-Smokey-42069
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, what was she expecting? Did you take photos when you moved in?
I would send her those and say, “What was I supposed to do with all of this while I lived here? ” I wouldn’t pay the money unless there is something really specific, you feel guilty for. Not dry cleaning sheets? What was the arrangement? Do you supply your own bedding or use hers?
If it was to use hers she should have set it up ready or left different sets for you. I wouldn’t be paying to replace sheets, a or wrinkle on a dress, can’t she iron/ steam/dry clean it out? Were you just supposed to step over her clothes continually?
There could possibly be more info missing, but sounds, pretty straightforward NTJ” Pink-glitter1
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Tell her that you will pay her for everything that you damaged despite her telling you not to. I think this brings the list down to the scratch on the skis.
Ask her for a photo. Then ask yourself if you did anything that could cause that amount of damage. It does indeed sound like she had no concept of what she was doing. Don’t feed her entitled behavior.” theoldman-1313
3. AITJ For Ignoring My Rude Roommate's Texts And Refusing To Help Her Move Out?
“I am a 20-year-old female living with 4 other people in a house while I’m at college.
It’s not easy, but I manage. Currently, I have one roommate who is legit, a total nightmare. For the past year, even before I moved in, she was so messy and rude to my other two roommates. She will steal our dishes/pots/pans etc. And then complain when there are no dishes left. But she never cleans, never takes the trash out, nothing.
After I moved in, she started being extremely rude to me. One time, she saw me crying in my kitchen after my breakup. I was preheating the oven to make some dino nuggets, and after a brief “conversation” said, “Please try not to cry on the floor.
I don’t wanna get my socks wet later on”.
Well, she has been trying to move out for about a month. She waited until probably the very last second and then realized she messed up her lease. She was supposed to be out of the room by Tuesday.
But her lease didn’t start until the following Thursday. So she asked the 3 of us who still live here if she could stay on the couch. RM#1 said “You could even sleep in my bed if you wanted, because I’m gonna be out of town those days” and since that’s the last thing anyone told me, that’s what I assumed happened.
Since then, I have gotten non-stop texts from her because of things that are very minor, and said in a very aggressive manner. For example, Roommate# 2 has a cat, and she’s out of town as well. She asked me to watch her and I said I would.
At about 9:21 pm I turned on the light that goes over the stairs. I promptly get this text “Hey girlie, please stop turning on the big light, especially when someone is sleeping. I get that it’s dark up there but it’s ridiculously bright down here”.
I apologized, and she blamed me for waking her up on purpose when she had work in the morning. I asked if she was staying in RM#1 room and she decided on the couch. I apologize, did the stuff for the cat, no big deal, and moved on.
Now, this cat is really good at opening doors. And last night, I double, even triple-checked that she couldn’t get out. But she apparently did and woke this girl up, and she freaked out on me over text. Yelling at me, saying it’s my fault that she got out.
(I do not have a key to the room)
I have decided to disengage from this person, by ignoring her texts. Since we are in a sorority together, we still have to be civil to one another. However, over the past 2 months I’ve lived with her, she has been nothing but hateful to me in specific, and tries to nitpick anything I do.
I have spent hours in my room crying about it, and had multiple conflicts concerning the lack of control over her dog. This all started last night, however since then, I’ve been getting increased texts expressing frustration with the fact that I’m ignoring her, and not helping her move out anymore.
(I said I would help her move out yesterday, but after this conflict, I decided not to). But I’m wondering, am I the jerk for not responding to her texts?”
Another User Comments:
“Ignoring things will not help you in the long run. A firm response is needed. “I won’t be able to help you move.
Your behavior has been unacceptable and it’s clear that my support is not what you want or need. Good luck with the move and please don’t contact me again.” THEN, you can ignore all future attempts at communication.” OkSeat4312
Another User Comments:
“The only part in this that you’re being a jerk is being passive.
Just say what you mean. You’re being rude and I don’t want to help you. Stop texting me and figure it out yourself. Or just say something has come up and you can’t help and leave it at that.” subBarre
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Ignore her, cut ties.
Put down your foot to your other roomies and say she shouldn’t visit. I had nightmare roommates throughout my life, and the best thing is to cut them off and be done with them. These people are not worth your time or worth engaging in their text-spams.” Complex_Machine6189
2. AITJ For Wrestling My Husband And Proving I'm Physically Stronger In Front Of Our Kids?
“So some background: I (32F) grew up an athlete, played 3 varsity sports in HS, and went on to play D1 softball in college. My husband (33M) played sports casually as a kid, then did a few seasons of high school football, and nothing in college.
We met shortly after graduating college, and while we never tested it at the time, I think we both just “knew” that I was likely stronger than him.
We got married and started working full-time and both fell off on our fitness goals. My husband naturally took on the traditional male role of a “heavy lifter” around the house.
After our two children, however, I began to work out again to lose baby weight, and I haven’t stopped. Fast forward several years and it’s back to being “known” in our relationship that I am stronger than my husband. So much so, that he will often wait for me to get home to move something heavy around the house for him.
It’s even been a joke around our long-term friends that I can kick his butt (We all had an arm wrestling contest recently, and only 1 of the guys out of the 5 couples was able to beat me).
Now though to the subject at hand…Last night my hubby and I each had a few glasses of wine.
We were watching some random show on TV where the main female fought several men at once, and won. My 6-year-old son and 8-year-old daughter began to debate the topic which led to a family discussion about gender roles and all of that stuff. Which eventually led to our kids talking us (me) into wrestling my husband.
My hubby was weirdly all-in right away, but I had reservations. So, my husband gave me a look which I took to mean “Come on babe, it’s okay this is a learning opportunity, let’s see what you got”. But apparently he was trying to communicate “Just let me win and be the “alpha” in the family, to our kids even though I know you’re stronger”… If you’ve stuck with me this far, you probably see where it is going…
My husband and I rolled around on the floor, fighting for position for 30, maybe 45 seconds before I was able to pin him down. Luckily for him, the kids thought that as soon as I got him pinned for even a second, I won. So he didn’t have to struggle there for long.
Our daughter started cheering and laughing, our son looked like he had seen a ghost.
For some dumb reason, my hubby’s first words were: “I let you win, let’s have a rematch so I can show the kids how strong daddy is”…I’ll admit I maybe should have picked up on this one, but my adrenaline was pumping and my daughter and I were having a like “girl power” moment.
So on round two I got my legs around him and began to squeeze. The squeal/scream and frantic tapping-out that came from him was so loud and dramatic that it made his loss look rough. This time our son cheered for me too and gave me a high five.
That night in bed, my husband freaked out and said “You emasculated me in front of my own son, you are such a jerk! I hope you didn’t just screw him up by watching his daddy get beat up by his mom”…AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. This was a real FAFO moment for your husband. Also…I kinda doubt he “knew” you were stronger. It’s like those guys who think they can beat professional female tennis players just because. He never actually communicated that you should throw the fight and also… That’s an insane thing for him to just assume.
What message would that even send other than “Look kids men are stronger” even though it’s a lie in this situation? It’s probably time to have more conversations about gender roles and make sure your kids aren’t picking up on your husband’s misogyny.” Sarissa32
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, if his masculinity is so fragile it relies on you pretending to be something you’re not/ weaker than you are that’s his issue. Maybe he should be focusing on teaching his son that it’s ok if a woman is stronger than him and both people in the situation are valid regardless of their physical ability” Stardust_Shinah
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your husband is just throwing a tantrum because he couldn’t get what he thought would be a default win and an easy moment to gloat. He needs to learn that you have to take the L gracefully if you come out the loser when competing against someone who has a higher skill level and is better than you.
Good life lesson for your son, regardless of gender.” LurksAroundHere
1. AITJ For Expressing My Feelings About My Family To My Therapist?
“I (18F) am going to college very soon and have had difficulty dealing with the stress. Some background, I had a terrible childhood and was diagnosed with PTSD and depression.
When I was adopted, my adopted mom required me to go to therapy and I still continue to this day. My family has been constantly bombarding me with questions about my future and about college. A few weeks ago, I had a therapy session via Zoom while my family was at my house, my therapist Maria and I were catching up on my week.
I mentioned that I have been feeling stressed and anxious due to my family’s constant nagging and question bombing. I told Maria that although I understood that they were looking out for me, I hated their backhanded comments. They would say things like “I can’t believe you’re going to college.” whenever I didn’t answer their questions correctly.
I mentioned that it hurt being put down even though they were doing it for my own good. I told Maria that it felt hypocritical of them to judge what I hadn’t done yet when my cousin didn’t move out until she was like 35 and one cousin still lives with his parents along with his wife and two kids.
What I didn’t know is that apparently my Aunt Emily had been eavesdropping and recording my session. When I finished and stepped out into the living room, I noticed that everyone was looking at me. My Aunt Emily looked at me and started playing what seemed to be voice recordings of my session with Maria, when she was done she looked at me and asked “Care to explain yourself?” I was hurt and baffled that she would record me during a THERAPY SESSION and I asked her why she would do something like that.
My cousin Sophia asked me why I would lie to my therapist and make my family out to be the bad guy. I asked her what I lied about and she said that I clearly misconstrued their words to Maria. I told her that I didn’t misconstrue anything and told my therapist how I felt in what was supposed to be a private session.
Everyone in my family, including my mom, started saying things to me.
“After everything we have done for you.”
“We welcomed you into this family and this is how you repay us?”
I was crying by this point and told them to back off because they shouldn’t be judging me for something I felt.
Then my Uncle Derek said something that sent me over the edge. “You’re going to turn out like trash anyway, I don’t know why we bother with you.” I stood up and started yelling things at them, I was so angry I don’t remember half of what I said but I told them that “at least I’m going to college and trying to get ahead so I don’t become a factory worker”
No one in my family has spoken to me. My mom said that I was old enough to find a place to live and I should move out unless I apologized and told Maria in front of my family that I was a “liar”. I don’t feel like I was in the wrong for talking to my therapist about how I feel but my family’s reaction has led me to think otherwise.
So, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“ABSOLUTELY NTJ. I do not have words to describe what your Aunt did. Well I do, but they’d get me banned. That is a horrible, evil, truly messed up thing to do. It might even be a violation of law in some places (and if not, it should be).
Get away from these people as soon as you can. They are bullies and gaslighters. Run. Do not walk. RUN.” BetweenWeebandOtaku
Another User Comments:
“YOU ARE DEFINITELY NTJ! You could actually get legal with this. I’m pretty sure eavesdropping on a PERSONAL therapy appointment and especially recording it is illegal. They invaded something that is meant to be very private, this shows they have no respect for you.
I would not leave unless you totally have somewhere to go. But if you don’t try to talk it out with them at a later time, if they are still being stubborn just apologize so they don’t kick you out. Also congrats on getting into college with your luck!” Best_NarutoFan
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Recording and listening to your therapy session is just not okay. Nothing they did here was okay. You have every right to be furious. I’d tell them you accepted them as your family and this is how they repay you. It’s not like you chose to be adopted, you were a kid.
Your mother however chose to adopt you, meaning she vowed to take care of you and love you unconditionally. Emphasis on *unconditionally*. Of course, she can feel hurt, but she does not get to say “After everything I’ve done for you”. I’m so sorry this happened to you.” gooser_name
