People Lost Control In These 'Am I The Jerk?' Stories
22. AITJ For Letting My Moms' Friend's Daughter Exploit My Apartment And Vacation?
“Mom’s friend’s daughter was moving to my city, and her new job was starting 3 weeks before her lease. She desperately texted me asking to stay in my tiny 1 bedroom apartment for 3 weeks. For context, I haven’t talked to this girl for 15+ years, but our moms are besties of 40+ years.
Our moms were bridesmaids, helped each other through family death, etc. Because of this, I felt a lot of pressure to say yes to letting her stay. The daughter, as I learned, is a bratty spoiled 23-year-old who expects people to do everything for her for free while she spends her parents’ money on $900 shoes and $1000+ designer homeware.
Red flag #1: After I agreed to let her stay, I proceeded to ask her the details of her arrival, assuming she would be considerate enough to give advanced notice. Turns out, she only gave me literally TWO DAYS of notice of her 3-week stay.
Red flag #2-6: She then proceeded to freeload off of me for almost an entire month, living entirely for free in my apartment.
She did not offer to cover any apartment costs. She threw away my food from the counter. Broke items including my travel memorabilia – Left moldy food on my dining table. Lost my spare house key within 5 hours of her arrival, then asked to take MY PERSONAL key to get in/out of the apartment.
I had to spend an evening running around Home Depot and locksmiths.-
Red flag #7: The falling out. The falling out came with a weekend getaway to Maine I planned for my own vacation. When she asked about my weekend plans, I mentioned the trip. She then invited herself to “tag along” (which for her I guess means free).- I paid for the rental car, the hotel, the gas money, the national park entry fees, and drove the entire trip (~12 hours of driving in total).- When it came time to pay for gas or any shared trip costs, she turned the other way.
But then I watched her buy a $40 dollar disposable camera, $8 lattes, and other exorbitant things for herself.-
After the trip ended, I split the trip cost in half ($200 each) and told her she can pay me back when able. She got mad and gaslighted me.
Said she didn’t think she would have to split costs, that she is “not in a position” to split, and that she contributed “in small ways” (ie paying a 4 dollar parking pass and 1 coffee).
I let out all my frustrations and ended by calling her a freeloader.
She left the apartment angry and got her parents to book her a hotel room. Moms are super mad and their friendship is now quite tense. – From my end, maybe I should have communicated problems from red flag #1, said no more, or be explicit about trip costs.
I was trying to avoid conflict and never thought someone would be bratty enough to freeload my vacation. Am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You rightly called them out and have absolutely NOTHING to apologize for. And if the moms’ friendship is ruined over this, then it was superficial anyway.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. But this daughter is being enabled by her mom, and it sounds like they were looking to you to help with that. My guess is that she thought that because you were paying the road trip costs anyways, you shouldn’t have asked her for her share.
The road trip might be the breaking point, but you were in the right to evict her because she’s a rude houseguest that’s not respectful of your space.” Snackinpenguin
Another User Comments:
“Trying to avoid conflict by not telling her the truth about her being a nuisance and being indirect about costs is kind of manipulative.
You made nice and went along until you couldn’t anymore. Did you think she would magically read your mind and know when you felt used or disregarded? ESH. I think obviously the girl who stayed with you is awful but truly you have ownership over letting her use you and then getting mad about it only down the line.
This could have been prevented. Why you would let her muscle in on this whole trip with not one convo about money or boundaries is beyond me.” xyz_Street_483
21. AITJ For Breaking My Lease And Leaving My Freeloading Family Behind?
“For context, I (24M) live in a decent 3 bedroom place with my partner (21F), and my family. Initially, my plan was for my partner and I to rent our own place since she was living in a toxic environment and I was sleeping on my cousin’s couch.
But my mom (50-something F) was sleeping in random friends’ houses and my sister’s (30F) living situation was frankly terrible. So I thought I could hit a couple of birds with one stone. I could barely afford the place when I moved in, and having my sister (and her car) around would help out when I wanted to go somewhere and with expenses in general.
Luckily for me, my income has increased to such an extent that I felt pretty comfortable spending for literally everything (rent, electricity, internet, gas money, groceries, and we even hired a helper to come in every day and help with the cleaning/cooking/laundry).
I earn significantly more than my sister, and my mom is not working at all, my partner is a student but helps me out with my work on the side (I pay her for it too).
This has been our situation more or less for the past 2 years, and apart from half a month’s worth of groceries, my family does not contribute jack crap.
Even when a lightbulb goes out, I gotta be the one to pay for it. My sister offered the job to our helper, and when we talked about how we were gonna pay for her, she offered wages that our helper could probably make begging on the streets; it was that low.
I pay her way higher, and my sister pays me half of what her initial offer was (if she remembers to pay me lol). I don’t like asking her to pay me crap like half of the rent or the bills, because not only does she make me feel guilty for asking her, she tells me that it should be my responsibility because I earn more.
On top of all that, they make my partner’s life a living heck. They talked crap behind her back to the rest of my family up until the cousins of my cousins lol. They make her feel unwelcome, and they make her feel like she’s only with me for my money.
(We started hanging out when I was broke, and one of our most cherished memories is that we walked a few miles back to her house in the middle of the night from an outing because we couldn’t afford public transportation). Now, we found this amazing place and I wanna take it.
The problem is, I still have a lease. I am planning to talk to my landlord about terminating my lease early. I am hoping that my landlord will allow me to only pay up until October instead of the summer of 2024. This leaves my sister and my mom potentially homeless if they don’t find a place by the end of October.
AITJ”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your mom & sister are not only taking full advantage of you and your generosity but also disrespecting you, your partner, and your relationship!! Instead of me crap-talking gossip, they should be putting that energy into finding jobs and fully supporting themselves as adults normally do.
But they have a nice, comfy life while you pay for everything and they get to treat your partner like crap. I don’t understand why you would pay someone to come in and clean for you when you have two fully capable adult women living with you for absolutely free; they should be keeping the house clean while you provide a roof over their heads.
Stop letting them treat you like their piggy bank and your partner like absolute trash!!!” jacksonlove3
Another User Comments:
“At first I thought your sister was a child but she’s over 30! If she and your mum are not working, why do you need a housekeeper?
I’m sure if you work it out, the cost of breaking the lease will be lower than continuing in this situation. Just pay to break it, leave, and don’t let the freeloaders know your new address. NTJ” HelloAll-GoodbyeAll
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You tried to help and got yourself into a terrible situation by doing so.
Tell them they have until the end of the lease to come up with something (rob a bank, find a roommate, stumble upon a pot of gold) and head on to a better life. Your partner is a saint for putting up with this.” LaCaffeinata
20. AITJ For Being Upset Over My Twin Sister's Special Treatment?
“For the context of this story, I (F18) have a twin sister.
We’re extremely close and have done everything together, and we are very like-minded and love each other; however, I’ve been slowly losing my mind because I think I’m being treated differently. First, it began when we dropped out of high school to get our GEDs.
I couldn’t get my GED because my family said I had to wait for her to want to go, because she won’t go get it alone; so we waited almost a year to get it. Second, every time I didn’t want to go to the store or shopping, I would get yelled at; but she didn’t, she was allowed to not go out.
Then, when I didn’t have a job for a couple of months (I was working since 16 and worked overtime the moment I turned 18), I was constantly asked and called lazy for not having one. But to this day, my twin has not had a job; she doesn’t want one and they don’t expect her to get one.
There’s always an excuse why she doesn’t have one—either her hair’s a mess, or she doesn’t like fast food, or she doesn’t want to work in retail, or she is feeling anxious. It’s always something, so they said it doesn’t matter. Then, before I got my license, it was always “I need to get it” and pushing me, but they said she doesn’t need it and that I can just drive her to where she needs to go.
Finally, I reached my final point. I always pay for my own stuff, but recently, my car broke and my older sister paid for it to get fixed because I didn’t have enough. I have to pay her back, which I’m okay with, but now she always brings up how I’m so expensive and if she pays for my food while we’re out, I have to pay her back.
But for my twin, my family paid over 180 dollars for her to get a whole wardrobe of clothes and makeup so she can “get a job,” and she doesn’t have to pay back a single cent. I got jealous and mad. Why do I have all these expectations, but she can live at home and do nothing?
She doesn’t have any pressure on her and gets what she wants. This is where I might be the jerk. I got so mad that I just ignored them, and I wasn’t supportive; I kept making offhand remarks about how if I wanted something, I would have to pay.
I should be happy for her; I know I should. I should want her to have things that she wants, but I can’t help but feel like she doesn’t have what I have on my shoulders. Am I a jerk for not being happy or wanting her to get all this treatment?”
Another User Comments:
“You’re definitely being treated differently for whatever reason. I’ve seen this happen a lot with siblings. Honestly, they aren’t doing her any favors. You’ll end up being the successful one. Have you ever tried calling your parents out on this and asking why?
Even though you already have more drive and life skills than her, it’s messed up and I would want to know why.” 7fishslaps
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here is not a vent forum. Just leave the situation. Obviously, you are more of an adult than her, so what’s stopping you from leaving except yourself?
(The what’s stopping you is a rhetorical question and I don’t need an answer or explanation).” Victor-Grimm
19. AITJ For Not Fulfilling My Wife's Comfort Food Cravings During Her Cancer Treatment?
“My wife is 15 weeks pregnant and has triple-negative breast cancer. Fortunately, we detected the cancer very early due to the pregnancy and the doctors remain optimistic about her treatment. She already had a lumpectomy and goes in for chemo in another two weeks.
For the past 4 months, she has also experienced a terrible case of morning sickness that leaves her in bed moaning in pain every other day.
To be quite honest, the morning sickness has been more debilitating than any of the cancer treatments so far. Understandably, I’ve been doing 100% of the shopping and about 70% of the chores (she won’t allow me to wash dishes). She is Japanese, so this includes locating very obscure ingredients from very specific brands in the local Japanese market.
It also involves deciphering the labels with Google Translate to ensure nothing is made in mainland China (her rules).
I’ve been preparing all meals until recently when my work became unreasonably demanding. I’ve been working 12–16 hours a day with little to no breaks for the last few months.
My company went from public to private ownership, and the transition has been marked by a cascade of layoff rounds every 6 months or so (I’ve survived about 8 so far). I’m the primary source of income and the only source of insurance. Needless to say, the fear of losing both during a pregnancy with cancer has been beyond crippling.
The result has been me no longer able to cook any meals since I’ve been tied to my desk. I try to at least make her breakfast, but sometimes that falls through as well.
This is where I think I’m the jerk. The ordeal has left my wife in tears on many occasions.
She’s upset I’m working myself to death while being unable to cook the Japanese food that would bring her comfort during these scary times. Instead, we have been relying on doordash regularly, which she hates. Here’s the thing: I suck at making udon, hayashi rice, or yakuniku to her strict specifications.
Before the pregnancy, I refused to cook some of these dishes because she would be so critical. I leaned heavily into “I go out to find and pay for these things, you can make them” as an excuse to avoid her criticism. I just can’t tell if my overworking is some deep psychological excuse for the same reason.
Her family is far away in Japan, and these dishes would go a long way to calm her during her battle with cancer.
I could totally prep these dishes during the weekend, but I’m so drained of energy that I end up doing nothing.
I can’t shake the feeling that I’m not doing enough and that I’m using work as a crutch to avoid responsibility. However, my manager has two job openings available for my direct support and has voiced concern that I’m overworked—so maybe I’m not?
I dunno. I feel like I could do more to accommodate my wife, but my mind is foggy. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Would it be possible to find someone local who can prepare the dishes she’s craving? It might require some creativity, but you could try Nextdoor, your city’s social media page, your local Craigslist, etc. That would give her her comfort food without putting as much work on your plate.
If you prepped all the ingredients, would she be able to do the actual cooking? That’s another compromise that might work. I think No jerks here, but you’re both in a really tough situation.” KaliTheBlaze
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I hope things improve soon for both of you; this has to be one hard life right now.
You mentioned there are Japanese markets in the area. Have you thought about going there and talking to the owners about finding competent Japanese cooks/companions in the area, possibly there is a mature adult who enjoys helping in situations like this and could use the extra money (obviously you will need to compensate them)?” Life-Composter
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. You’re both in a terrible situation and doing your best to navigate through it together. You’re working yourself ragged trying to provide everything she and your child will need. You’re stressed and overwhelmed, which is completely normal. I also understand that she is scared, overwhelmed, sick, and can’t do these things for herself.
But you’re only one person. You also need to take proper care of yourself in order to be able to care & provide for her. Is this an internal question you have, or coming from your wife?” jacksonlove3
18. AITJ For Wanting To Keep My Own Last Name In The Workplace After Marriage?
“Me (21f) and my partner (23m) have been living together since August 2021. I’ve known since I’ve met him that I want to marry him. At first, I didn’t want to marry anyone. It seemed like people would just do it for the title and there is nothing more to it.
Well, that changed a lot since I’ve met this man. He’s just great. He’s caring, loving, and funny. And even though we’ve had many ups and downs in which our relationship was tested, we are our own persons after all with different backgrounds and upbringings.
We know we are compatible and want to share our lives together. We both have decided we would want to marry but in the future. I’m still a student and we both feel too young to get married. Now comes the tough part. I am a teacher and my students (11-15 years) call me by my last name.
I feel very proud of what I have achieved and I want to show off with my own name. It is something in my life where I know I did so well and made it work. And it’s probably one of the only things that feels like me.
I also want to accomplish more in life. I don’t know how yet, but I would like to research a certain part of education and publish the results (in a book?) for other people to also learn from it.
I told my partner that I wanted to take his name legally, but also I would want to keep my own last name at the workplace.
So I could be called Miss Van Dijk (not my real last name). I would even be okay with just being called Miss Van Dijk, but be registered as mine and his name at work. So if his last name is Pollen (also not real) and my last name now is Van Dijk, I want my name to be Pollen-Van Dijk.
But my name at work to remain (Miss) Van Dijk. Well, he didn’t take that well. He told me that there’s no point in marrying me then. He doesn’t even want to marry me in the future if I want to keep my own last name at work.
I don’t know if he’s mad, annoyed, or disappointed. But it really sucks. I’m really torn because it is something I have accomplished in my life and I want my name “on it” as a figure of speech. But I also really want to marry him in the future and take the next step in our relationship.
I really don’t know if I’m in the wrong, but it really feels like it. I just need to know if I’m being unreasonable or a jerk. Where could I be the jerk? I don’t want to take my partner’s name in the workplace as a teacher.
AITJ for wanting to keep my own last name in the workplace after marriage?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ what you are considering doing is very common and unexceptional. But: You really need to think hard about the attitude that makes him think that marriage is pointless unless you change your name, and what that indicates.
It is a very territorial statement and shows that feeding his own ego is far more important to him than supporting you or accepting and understanding your feelings. The marriage is unlikely to be happy for you if that’s the attitude he takes into it, so be very clear in your mind about whether you find that acceptable before you commit to this person, and if you don’t want that, hold off on the wedding until he has had the opportunity to work on that aspect of himself and you feel confident that he will listen to and respect you.” redcore4
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. But be very, very careful – if he thinks the only reason to get married is to slap his name on you, then he thinks of marriage as a way to make you his property, not his lifelong partner.” Most-Particular-8392
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. The last name you choose to use is your business, not his. That he’s making such a big deal about a nothing issue is very concerning about how he’d behave regarding an actual thing you’ll need to compromise on. Like, say, how to raise children.” Stormschance
17. AITJ For Getting Upset At My Friend's Request For Free Medical Assessments?
“So my partner and I run a medical clinic where people come in for their assessments and treatments. We take 60 minutes for each new assessment and ensure patients are getting the best care. Many of my friends have come out and supported me along with their families, and I would say 90% of them had medical insurance coverage, so they never had to pay out of pocket.
The remaining 10% would always try to pay me, but I never took payment and did it pro bono because they were close friends and family.
I have this one close friend that messaged me today asking if it’s okay that her brother comes in for an assessment.
I said, “For sure.” We set up a time, and I booked him in. I asked if he has medical insurance, and she said, “Is it possible for him to get an informal check and to have a little review of it? He doesn’t have insurance, so I’m not trying to have him pay for an initial consultation fee… Is it okay to have a quick look at it?” I was pretty surprised because none of my friends have ever asked for a free consultation—yet this one is coming from my friend’s brother, with whom I have no relationship.
I would have offered if she said no to the medical insurance, but she straight out asked for it to be free. I was a little jaded, but I said, “Lol, we don’t do things informally—we try our best with the assessment, but if he doesn’t have insurance, don’t worry about it.
You don’t have to pay anything; I just need to know so that I can let the front desk know not to collect money.”
She then said, “Hahaha, I see! My dad has more severe issues actually. Do you think he has time to come with my brother tomorrow?
My dad also doesn’t have insurance. I’ll buy your meal next time we hang out. I’ll treat both of you to dinner.” Just a note: I also do not have any relationship with her dad, nor do I know him personally.
Now I’m extra shocked and confused about how someone can just ask for things to be free.
I have had many friends bring their parents, and I always ask if they have insurance—if they didn’t, I would do it for free. Never have I had someone straight up ask me to assess them for free. I feel like she’s taking advantage of me and my “kindness” because I have a hard time saying no. I don’t want to tell mutual friends in our friend group in case I’m actually overthinking things and being upset.
AITJ for getting upset at my friend?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ But you should know giving out free treatments like this can really run afoul of insurances that you are in network with, especially Medicare/Medicaid, if they find out. You really shouldn’t be giving out any free treatments at all, and Medicare has in the past made doctors repay all reimbursements paid out to them for this reason.
It also devalues what you do. Now, there are financial hardship forms you can have patients fill out that usually will require some kind of proof of income, but you shouldn’t be giving anyone (other than other medical providers) free treatment if you accept Medicare/Medicaid.” Thevoiceofreason823
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – You need to decide as a business how much charity work you can do. Everyone knows someone who needs … Where will it stop? Would you pay for a friend’s brother, or father to see someone else? You need to learn to say no. Every successful business does; hence, decide how many pro bono patients you can handle without putting undue pressure on your business.
It may be you can do one a week for assessment, but who is going to pay for any treatments? You need to draw a line.” MumSquared
Another User Comments:
“YTJ for running your business the way you do. The word about your generosity has gotten out, and all your entitled friends are gonna be lining up demanding freebies.” lonnielee3
16. AITJ For Exploding At My Family Over Forced Relationship After Losing My Partner To Cancer?
“I (25F) have never been a relationship person. So I didn’t go out during high school. Then during med school, I met someone.
He (27M at the time) was quirky and overall a very kind and funny person. We went out for coffee a few times. Then we started going out. Mind you, I never told my parents or anyone anything about him. Both he and I wanted to keep it down to the ground.
To keep it short: 2 and a half months into going out he started to feel funny, developed some health problems, and went to the doctor. Diagnosis: cancer, stage 4, non-operable. That was 4 years ago. After his (M27) death, I threw myself into my studies even more.
Only now I am starting to feel the scars heal and be able to look back at memories without bursting into tears. Well, at the last family gathering (grandma’s birthday with a lot of family and guests), my dad tried to set me up with a family friend’s son (M26).
I have told them before I don’t go out.
Since I am now 25 I count as an old maid, and here that is a big deal, so the pestering had increased even more. My aunt started saying things about me that struck a chord: You need to be more feminine.
No man likes a hard-headed and strong woman. You need to stop pushing everyone away because how else would I be able to get married and have children? No one is going to love you if you keep acting like men are the scum of the earth.
I regret to say I blew a fuse. I told not only my aunt but everyone else to go stuff one up where the sun doesn’t shine. I told them that if they even cared about me and not what the people said, they would know that I wouldn’t go out because I lost my partner to cancer.
I told them all the tear-jerking details of what we went through. There was more, but I was just emotionally exhausted after the last outburst, so I just left and drove home.
The next morning I was bombarded with messages from both my immediate family and relatives.
My parents were more worried than wronged, although my dad and brother were sad that I did not trust them with what happened. Resume of the messages from other family members: I was told I should have taken my dislike for my aunt and talked to her privately or to grandma and not had an outburst. That I should really be old enough to control my emotions.
My grandma, who is basically the family matriarch, told me I was out of bounds and had embarrassed her and the family in front of guests. That I should at least give M26 a chance. At this point, I am thinking about just blocking out my family and only having contact with my immediate family and a few others.
So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your extended family would not stop harassing you. You finally had enough and told them off. Now they are butt-hurt that their behavior had consequences. I think that avoiding the extended family would probably be best based on your comments.
Conservative Christian groups tend to value female subservience and I get the impression that you are not interested in that. If you do have to interact with them at a later date, just go off on them again whenever one of them crosses boundaries. Like a gunfighter in the old west, your reputation will spread and all will cower in fear that they might be the next target.” theoldman-1313
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, you don’t need that crap in your life. I’m so sorry for your loss. You’re not obligated to go out with anyone, you can live an entirely fulfilling life while single, and it’s not your family’s business. I’d cut off the lunatic grandmother and her cronies, but maybe opening up to your dad or brother could be a good idea, because it sounds like you’ve been carrying this weight alone for a long time and that’s not good for the soul.” emmetdontpullout
Another User Comments:
“I don’t know about the situation at the get-together, but I really hope you get some support from your immediate family and some time to think about why you didn’t want to tell them when it happened. Love and grief are nothing to be afraid of sharing, and hopefully you will be able to share some of your life with your parents in the future if you would like to.” [deleted]
15. AITJ For Not Supporting My Friend's Self-Destructive Cycle?
“I (26F) recently had a falling out with my friend, Tasha (26F), of 10 years, because, according to her, I wasn’t supportive enough during her 5-year—emotionally abusive relationship.
I know it sounds bad at first, but hear me out. Tasha was in a relationship with Tyler (28M) for about 4-5 years. They were always breaking up and getting back together, but I never said anything about it because I didn’t think it was my place and figured it was just typical tumultuous young love.
Well, in the 4th year of their relationship, after breaking up again, Tasha informed me that Tyler had been verbally and emotionally abusive for most of their relationship. I comfort her, offer her a place to stay, and start helping her plan to move out.
Well, she never ended up moving out. She told me a week later, “I don’t see why I have to be conventional – I know plenty of couples who break up and still live together.” I obviously had concerns, given this would put her near him, and started asking her questions such as, “Do you think this is healthy for you?” “Don’t you think you might just get back together?” She didn’t like this, which I can understand.
I had never been critical of her relationship choices until this point, but knowing she was in an abusive cycle, I didn’t feel like I could call myself a good friend while supporting this decision. We ended up arguing but reconciled the same night, seemingly having come to understand each other’s perspectives.
They ended up breaking up and getting back together a few more times after this, and each break up was preceded by a similar conversation/scenario to the one above, where she would break up with him but then want him still in her life somehow, and I would vocalize concerns.
Months later, during an unrelated argument, she brings up our “resolved” conflicts about Tyler and ends the friendship by telling me I’m an unsupportive terrible friend and person because I should’ve just agreed with and encouraged her in her choices. Then she blocked me.
This felt like such a slap in the face after 10 years of friendships. To me, watching her in that relationship felt like watching someone you love tell you they can fly, so you watch them jump off a cliff and cheer them on, and then they get hurt, but they keep going to the top of the cliff and jumping off.
After the fifth or sixth time, as a bystander, it felt like by not trying to prevent her from jumping off the cliff, I was enabling the situation and, therefore, partially culpable for any injuries she obtains. I thought in raising those questions, I was being a supportive friend, but it sounds like that isn’t the support she wanted, so AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. No good deed goes unpunished, OP. I’m sorry to be the jaded word of advice here, but it’s true. When you have someone in your life who is heck-bent on being The Drama and will not listen to reason, then it’s probably better to drift apart.
Otherwise, by sticking around you are still enabling, even if you do push back on their stupid decisions. Because it tells them that no matter how much drama they bring upon themselves and into your life, you are there for them. I don’t give my own family that kind of leeway when they’re being so self-destructive, let alone a friend.
If someone is biting and scratching me while I’m holding my arms around them so they don’t jump off a cliff, eventually I’m going to let them. Don’t compromise your morals by supporting someone in an abusive relationship, but I wouldn’t want to be their friend if they insist on going back, either.
I’d just let them know they’ve got my number, and call me when they sincerely want out.” beanfiddler
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – She didn’t want support, she wanted a yes woman. You were a friend instead. What she wanted is a shallow relationship where you always agree with her every choice and pick her up when she again falls off that cliff.
More than likely she is planning to do some more really self-destructive things in the future so she jettisoned this friendship because she knows she is making bad choices. Honestly, she did you a favor here, because she doesn’t know how to have a true friend.
I know that doesn’t make it hurt any less, but you reacted out of love and concern for your friend and she acted out of pettiness.” jaybull222
14. AITJ For Taking My Time Finding A Parking Spot With My Kids In The Texas Heat?
“For a bit of context, I am the designated shopper for my family of 4.
I spend a lot of time in parking lots looking for parking, lol. Of course, I drive up and down aisles to see what options I have, and sometimes I find a good spot. I like to take my time, scope out what’s available, find my spot, put up my sun guard, get my list, make sure I have everything, and then get the kids out.
I have 2, and usually, the 5-year-old is in tow. (She’s my little shopping partner.) I take the same time to get back in after shopping. (Grocery shopping is usually massive, and there are usually lots of bags, water jugs, bulk items—what have you.) I put the groceries in, return the cart, strap the kid or kids in, and then crank up the a/c and pick our driving music.
Again, I usually take my time to make sure I have everything I need to avoid an extra stop.
So… Today (and I’ve noticed this more and more lately) I found a choice spot and was grateful since the kiddos are with me and it’s literally 110° in Texas today.
Yuck. Anyway, as I was unloading my groceries, another shopper looking for parking stopped right as I began to unload. I figured he’d see all the bags, kids, and what all was needed to do before I actually pulled out of that spot and moved on.
Nope, he waited… and waited. I began to get a little uncomfortable because people were stuck behind him, but I kept unloading. I finished the groceries took the cart to the cart return, and then proceeded to put the kids in. Someone behind him honked. He stayed put.
Then it happened… He honked at me. I didn’t even have the kids in their seats yet. He honked again… It irritated me, and I turned around and gestured for him to keep going because I wasn’t ready yet. He flicked me off and still stayed. I continued. I put the kids in, got in my seat, and turned on the car.
I did what I always do, checked the kids, cranked the air, and we found our driving jams. Then, and only then, did I pull out. All of this took about 8 minutes. He waited it out and made a point to again flick me off as I was pulling out, not even considering that the kids were seeing this encounter.
I was raging inside but kept my cool because of the kids. I’m here now asking: Was I in the wrong? Did I take too long? Is there an unwritten rule I am aware of regarding the length of time to get out of your spot?
Should I move faster considering there were other people stuck because of this? I usually move along if someone has a large load or if they are taking too long and cars are waiting behind me.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. He could’ve gone to literally any other spot.
There’s no “rule” for how long you can take to pull out of a parking spot unless it’s one of those 10-minute parking spaces anyway. The fact that he was honking/flicking you off in front of your kids, too, makes him even more of the jerk.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. The other driver I had to wait, you were already in the spot and very clearly had your hands full. I find it just as fast to park a little farther out instead of scoping the parking lot and driving for the prime spot.
It takes me less time over the long term, and the other driver should have used this approach. I did the same thing with both of my kids and found that other drivers never waited for me (didn’t have a prime spot but was close enough).
I am one that doesn’t want to wait and doesn’t want to make others wait as well. It’s hard with kids, particularly with the heat.” CapsFan1066
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You have to be extra careful when shopping with kids. Take your time, make sure they’re strapped in correctly and don’t get rushed for anything.
You have a lot on your mind. You’re setting a great example for your kids, too!” notcontageousAFAIK
13. AITJ For Sharing My College Experience With My Friend's Son?
“I (32F) recently moved back to the UK after 14 years abroad. I moved to the US for college when I was 18 and stayed there until earlier this year, moving back to my hometown for family reasons. When I came back, I reconnected with an old friend, Kate (32F).
We arranged to meet for coffee, and she brought along her son, Marcus (16M).
I hadn’t seen him since he was literally a year old and had a great time catching up with the pair of them. He asked me a lot of questions about what it was like living in the US and what school was like there, and I told him the truth: I had a great time, it was the best decision for me, and I don’t regret it at all.
Marcus told me he wanted to work as a mechanical engineer, inspired by a love of Formula 1 racing, and had been looking at colleges in the US. I told him that was great and that I’d be happy to tell him more about what the application process was like, with a caveat that I applied a long, long time ago and he’d probably have more luck getting advice from a teacher at school about the UK university process.
Later that night, Kate sent me a furious text message, telling me that I was completely out of order for telling Marcus I’d had a great time at college in the US and for “pushing him to go to university.” She said that she was trying to get him to steer away from higher education because “it’s a waste of time and money” and “you only need a degree if you want to be a doctor or something like that.” I replied and said I was only answering his questions truthfully and that it wasn’t fair for her to be so adamant about deciding what her son does with his own life.
What followed was a few more messages from Kate, telling me that university is for “fools” and her son is better than that. I hit back that it wasn’t fair for her to push her own limitations on her son and that her hatred of higher education was weird – even if he doesn’t go to university, he’ll have to do some form of education in order to become a mechanical engineer, surely?
I woke up the next morning to discover Kate had blocked me on social media, and blocked my number. A mutual friend told me I was a jerk for even mentioning college to Marcus because it wasn’t my place. I’m truly stuck here, feeling like a total idiot for having a conversation that I thought was completely harmless.
I didn’t make any promises to him or tell him that he should move 6000 miles away from home like I had done, just told him I liked my college experience and would explain the process to him. AITJ for having that conversation with him?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ You are together with both Marcus and his mom and you all are having a get together after about 15 years and a 16yo asks you a question about University IN FRONT OF HIS MOTHER and you tell him the truth, but in no way encouraging other than some basic advice AND his Mom thinks you’re the jerk.
WOW does she anticipate everyone is clairvoyant on what they are allowed to speak to her son about in her presence. It seems Kate does not want Marcus to know that she is trying to keep him from looking into University. She is the jerk and probably is not telling the whole story to other mutual friends.” catskilkid
Another User Comments:
“NTJ at all, he mentioned his career aspirations and that HE had an interest in college; all you did was say that you’d be happy to give your personal insights. You did nothing wrong. I honestly can’t stand people who feel the need to berate those who want to/have gone to college.
I agree that it’s not necessary for everyone, but to call it a ‘waste of money’ or ‘only for doctors and lawyers’ is a horrendous lie. I have a Bachelor and Master’s degree, and it was completely worth it to me. On the flip end, I know lots of people who do fine without a degree, or who tried college and found it wasn’t for them.
At the end of the day, it boils down to a specific person’s goals. But if this young man wants to be an engineer, he will absolutely need further schooling.” swishystrawberry
12. AITJ For Calling The Neighbors To Help With My Brother's Baby And Embarrassing My Parents?
“My little brother did the stupidest thing a guy his age (18) could do.
Get a girl pregnant. Well, my brother has his daughter 95% of the time, and our parents are getting mad at him for everything. They were okay when he had her for two days a week, but crap happened, plus my niece is colicky.
My dad, in particular, kicks them out of the house every time she gets a little too much.
My brother usually stays on the porch or takes a walk. But he always calls me, and I usually keep him company through the phone. He’s clearly exhausted, especially after this transition of having her all the time. He can’t even go to work because his mom refuses to babysit a baby so difficult, so he’s relying on them financially, so he can’t say anything to them.
I try to help out as much as I can, but I have two kids of my own and I live an hour away.
I had it when my brother called me twice in one day. The second time it was around 11 pm, and he was incredibly angry.
He was going “Freak this crap”, “freak everyone”, etc., and I could hear my niece screaming in the background. He told me that Dad’s telling him to take the baby on a walk, but he’s tired, and Dad can freak off. I was concerned, but could not drive over as my son was ill, so I called my parents’ neighbors.
They’re an older couple, but they are almost like second parents to us. I asked them if they could check on and help my brother out with the baby for the night. I felt terrible, but they were so kind and said, “Of course.”
They sent me a picture of my brother and his baby passed out in their daughter’s room, and that was it. My mom called me the next morning and immediately said, “Was it you? I mean, of course, it was—did you have to embarrass your father and me like that?” Long story short, she’s mad at me for calling the neighbors.
Apparently, they were judging them the whole time, making snarky comments, etc., and my brother was making quite the scene, so they couldn’t even turn them away as they essentially forced themselves in. She told me she was disappointed in me and couldn’t begin to understand why her own daughter would put her in such a humiliating situation with zero warning.
She told me that when my brother came home, the neighbors were with him, and she swears one of them called her a disgrace. She insists that I gave them the wrong idea, knowing how dramatic I am, and now my brother’s being shameless too.
I didn’t know the neighbors would act the way they did, and I didn’t mean to humiliate my parents. But I suppose I was stupid to not think of the possible consequences of my actions (my parents being humiliated). I don’t really feel sorry, but AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your parents embarrassed themselves. If your mother’s ashamed that the neighbors know what she did, she shouldn’t have done it in the first place. Your principal duty is to protect the baby, not your parents’ freedom to mistreat your brother in secrecy.” south3y
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. The resentment is a big one with your parents. They want to punish the 18yo for their stupidity. They also don’t want anyone to know they’re crappy grandparents. Ta-da! They failed. The resentment may now be even bigger. I’m afraid your brother will need new living arrangements and the support of some friends or the child’s mother or grandparents.
Solo Dad to a colicky baby with no income… Complicated.” cityflaneur2020
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If it’s humiliating for your parents to have their neighbors know how they’re treating their son and grandchild, maybe they shouldn’t treat them so shamefully. You saw that your brother needed help, and made sure that happened. Good call, OP.
When parents are frustrated, and completely exhausted, with a colicky baby, alone… That is when shaken baby incidents are the most likely to occur. Calling for help was a matter of safety. They say it takes a village to raise a child. You made sure someone was there to be his village when he needed it most, and the rest of the family wasn’t willing to step up.” JustheBean
11. AITJ For Not Paying The Injured Cleaner For Extra Hours?
“Half a year ago, I hired a house cleaner through an online cleaning service to do some regular cleaning in my apartment. The cleaner showed up saying they had an injured hand and might work slowly as a result. I couldn’t tell what injury they had on their hand since they were wearing gloves.
I thought it was a bit strange that they showed up injured, and I told them I can reschedule for another time if that’s better, but they refused and said they could still clean, just gonna be slower. So I went with it.
The cleaning session I booked was for 2 hours.
I was working from home then, but had back-to-back meetings that afternoon and couldn’t check on the cleaner as a result. I realized they hadn’t done around the 2-hour mark, but I just assumed that was because they were slower. Then, another 2 hours later, after I finally got a break from work, I realized the cleaner was still there.
They ended up staying at my place for almost 4.5 hours.
They asked me to pay for the additional 2.5 hours. On the one hand, I felt bad that they had to do cleaning work when injured, although on the other hand, I thought it was unprofessional that they stayed longer than the booked time without notifying me and wanted extra money for it.
Either way, I agreed to pay them an additional 2 hours of the cleaning fee. I told them I could pay them as a tip through the online website, but they refused, saying they didn’t want to pay tax, and demanded me to pay them through Venmo.
I said sure, just send me your Venmo ID, but they never sent me their Venmo ID, only insisting that I pay them through Venmo with their phone number, which I don’t think is supported by Venmo.
In the next few weeks, they kept messaging me demanding Venmo payment.
At first, I asked for their Venmo ID again, but they never gave it to me, and I got tired of the harassment and decided I didn’t want to pay them anymore. So 2 months after the cleaning, they complained to the website about me not paying.
I explained the situation, and the website never contacted me again.
Today, over half a year after the cleaning session, they texted me and threatened to rob my home. I’m traveling and won’t be home for another few days. I have reported this to the police.
In a way, I feel I was getting scammed since I never agreed to them staying extra hours, not to mention I wasn’t entirely happy with the cleaning result. I felt like they took an extra long time without doing a better job. On the other hand, it’s also not the amount of money that I couldn’t afford, and since they did work the extra hours I felt I should have paid them anyway.
AITJ for not paying them for the additional hours?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – then being injured isn’t something that you should have to pay 2 hours extra for. It should have been discussed beforehand that either they’re going to take longer (but same rate) or they’ll have to reschedule.
Also refusing to have it through the website and only wanting Venmo to avoid taxes seems scammy” Ok_Job_9417
Another User Comments:
“No. You scheduled for two hours. They should not have sent an injured person in the first place. Cleaning is a physical activity, and if she had hurt herself further by cleaning while injured you could have had more trouble than you bargained for.” Fuzzteam7
10. AITJ For Publicly Calling Out My Friend's Makeup Misogyny?
“I (18f) have been close friends with a girl I’ll call Emma (19f) for 9 years. We are part of a larger friend group of 7-8 people, but I’m a bit closer with her.
As most tween girls do, I went through a massive phase of hating my body/appearance.
I used to be the kid who wore large winter coats year-round because I hated how I looked. I was definitely on the chubbier side, which didn’t help my self-esteem at all, and I was bullied multiple times throughout elementary and middle school because of it.
Come end of high school and I put a lot of time and effort into myself, taking up multiple sports and working out on my own time. I’ve lost quite a bit of weight and I’ve started dressing differently. I really like how I look now and I’ve been experimenting with make-up, like mascara, eyeliner, lipstick, and even some natural looking false lashes, but I’m not very confident in them.
Emma has always been kind of against makeup in a way. She’ll sometimes make comments about how she could never wear makeup, but within the past 4 months it’s really escalated, especially since we’ve graduated and we hang out a lot more.
She now says stuff that seems pointed, like “I’m not high maintenance enough to wear makeup every day” or “I just don’t understand girls who need to get all dressed up to go places— we’re getting coffee, like, why are you putting on jeans?” when I was wearing a nice top and jeans, and she was in sweat pants.
She’ll do this in front of other members in the friend group as well, and many comments seem to single me out compared to others. Yesterday we hung out as a group of five and she made a comment about “girls that go all out with lipstick and eyeshadow are so vain” because you have to stare at yourself in the mirror for so long.
It was the first time I had tried some blue eyeshadow to match my shirt.
I was upset and told her, “Well, girls that put down other girls are the real problem. I mean, stop spending so much time being a misogynistic douchebag and let people be happy, right?”
She got really mad and claimed she wasn’t doing that, and I said I never said SHE was, just that girls who put down other girls are like that. Obviously, I know I was calling her that; I just wanted her to admit that she was putting down other girls.
She stormed off crying after a bit more back and forth and now won’t talk to me. Most of our friend group thinks that I was in the right, but some of them thought I was too harsh.
I may be the jerk because I never told her in private that it bothered me and then called her out when other people were there.
And she is a really lovely girl despite this.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Wearing makeup is totally fine. Not wearing it is also totally fine. Shaming others for their makeup choice is NOT fine; it is misogynistic. You said the right thing. And while you haven’t told her explicitly in private that you’re uncomfortable with her comments, her reaction to your words made it perfectly clear that she understands that’s what she was doing.” Ladimira-the-cat
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Sounds like Emma got her comeuppance. She chooses to share her opinions publicly, so why shouldn’t you? She got a taste of her own medicine and, it turns out, it’s pretty bitter. Emma was trying to tear you down, little by little, to appease her own insecurities.
She thought she could avoid accountability through general phrases and omitting names. What a coward. Emma is NOT your friend.” Hapnhopeless
Another User Comments:
“Sooo you’re coming up in looks and maybe she doesn’t like that. She started it, so I’m going to say NTJ.
You could have played it off like how she did to you and be like ‘my make up’ and watch her be like ‘oh I didn’t mean you.’ Same thing. You’re good.” Antique-Sherbet-7733
9. AITJ For Asking My Husband To Stop Suggesting Holistic Treatments For My Mom?
“This situation happened today, but I’ve included some past details for context. Few years ago, my (35f) mom (60sf) was diagnosed with a brain tumor.
At the time, it wasn’t causing her any additional symptoms. It was found during a scan for unrelated issues. Her doctors opted to wait and continue to monitor it rather than perform more invasive tests.
Fast forward to now. The tumor has grown. My mom’s doctors recommended a surgery to remove it and test it to see what it is.
My mom is, understandably, afraid of the surgery and is really going back and forth on whether or not to get it.
I shared this news with my husband (35m). The family has held off on letting our daughter (4F) know about the situation, so I made sure to speak to him privately.
To give some important background, my husband is a big believer in holistic medicine and “natural” solutions and believes that people should be accountable for the things leading up to their diagnosis. I personally take a more traditional route, though I do acknowledge that medication or surgery isn’t always the best solution.
I have had great success in treating my anxiety and depression with lifestyle changes. My husband has offered his opinion on several medical events in my and my family’s past. I’ve asked him not to repeat them to the people affected or continue to share them with me, as I find them upsetting.
1. When my sister was diagnosed with thyroid cancer, he stated that the culprit was unmanaged stress and suggested meditation.
2. When my dad needed emergency treatment for internal bleeding, he said the same thing.
3. When I needed to go to the emergency room for chest pain, he said it was my anxiety and did not go with me.
I later found out I needed additional testing.
4. Our daughter was diagnosed with allergies and put on allergy medication. He said the cause was her staying inside too much and that codependency can manifest as lung issues.
When I told him about my mom’s results and my fears that it could be something malignant, he said that breathwork cures brain cancer.
He would not get surgery of any form or medication if it was him and instead do breathwork and try to figure out what in his life caused the cancer.
I asked him not to tell that to my mother and to support me instead.
To ask if I was okay or offer emotional support. He said that he could not do that while I continued to dismiss his treatment ideas. At this point, I was upset and ended the conversation.
So, AITJ for telling him not to offer unsolicited holistic treatment options to my mom or continue to comment on my mom’s treatment to me?
As an important note, I have never asked him for his treatment ideas in the situations mentioned above, only for emotional support.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but your husband is a moron and sounds destructively gullible and naive about things he knows nothing about. My dad had a long battle with pancreatic cancer and he called me one day talking about some crap he’d seen on social media about a dentist who discovered some homeopathic cancer treatment involving puréed asparagus.
I tried to gently explain that it was just some sensationalized nonsense that floats around social media, but he latched onto the idea and wouldn’t let it go. So crap like this really freaking annoys me because it creates false hope for people who are desperate for a glimmer of it.
Tell him to back the heck off with his uninformed opinions.” Grand-wazoo
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but OP’s husband sure is one judgmental, condescending jerk. Wife has chest pains and husband won’t go with her to the hospital because he’s decided it’s anxiety?
If he really thinks it’s anxiety, why wouldn’t he comfort her and go with her so she’ll feel less “anxious”? He blames his 4-year-old child for her own allergies and describes her as ‘codependent’? Codependent 4-year-old? Really? Next time he has a health issue, tell him it’s not real, just a manifestation of his total lack of empathy.” klc123
Another User Comments:
“NTJ not even a sliver. His ego is larger than most stadiums. His rigid focus is to validate himself when he should have enough insight to support you, which includes not spouting off his opinions to mom. Everyone has autonomous ability to choose medical care, and he will only accept one choice: Quite a jerk stance.
His position is not acceptable, which may cause you to forbid him to visit or talk to your mom. You have enough to deal with without adding managing him. Please remain diligent to seek medical care for yourself and daughter as the years go by since he is entrenched in ideologies that can exacerbate health symptoms. Best to you!” DesertSong-LaLa
8. AITJ For Refusing To Bail Out My Brother Even Though I Know His Kids Might Suffer?
“I (39M) have an older brother Ed (42M). Ever since Ed first moved out of our Mum’s place in his early 20s, he’s had a repeating problem of getting himself into a lot of debt, and my parents have found ways over the years to bail him out to avoid him or his kids having to suffer (he and his partner have four kids).
My parents have bailed him out at least 5 or 6 times over the years, most recently about two years ago. Neither of my parents is wealthy, and they’ve done it by borrowing money themselves, but their incomes could cover it. Ed works very hard and earns the equivalent of around USD 60k.
His partner works part time because their kids are at school, but earns a small amount.
Part of the problem is that each time he gets into debt, it’s a bigger and bigger total amount of money needed each time to bail him out.
The largest bail out was for the equivalent of about $20,000.
Now my parents are retired, so they now have minimal income and no longer have the ability to borrow money to help him if he gets into debt again. On the other hand, I’ve managed to work my way to a good income and could now afford to bail him out if he gets into more debt, comfortably.
I’ve always been good with money, and I’ve never needed help.
I love Ed and my nephews and niece. However, I worry that he’s never had to learn how to manage his money properly because my parents have always come to his rescue.
My parents have had a running joke for the last 10 years or so that one day I’ll have to take responsibility for him, and I’ve always said absolutely no chance.
Sadly, it’s inevitable that he’ll get into debt again. All attempts the family have made over the years to sit down with him and help him to budget and manage his money have never worked. So I fail to see how me taking over from my parents will actually change anything, without something drastic happening, like him being forced to stand on his own two feet more.
Problem is, I hate the idea of seeing his kids having to suffer when I could easily afford to help him.
WIBTJ if I refuse to bail him out when he next gets into debt, even if it means letting him go bankrupt and the potential harm that could cause him and his kids?”
Another User Comments:
“YWNBTJ to break the expectation that a family member will gift your brother a big wad of cash every 4 to 5 years to pay off his debt so he can start running it up again. Imho, the best thing you could do for him is hook him up with a good financial advisor that he might actually listen to.
He wouldn’t listen to your parents’ advice and he won’t listen to yours. I’d hate to have to raise 4 kids on $60k, but there are many families who do that and do it without subsidies from their parents or siblings.” NanaLeonie
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Do not give him money. Personally, I would tell him, ahead of time, that you will not bail him out if he gets into debt again. He might need to see a debt advisor or learn how to budget and manage finances. It depends on your family dynamics, but you might want to have a quiet word with your parents and let them know you will not finance your brother’s irresponsibility.
Not even once. If he mis-manages his finances and goes into debt again, he will have to suffer the consequences. He has shown that he does not learn and keeps repeating the same mistake. However, this may damage family relationships.” katlurkin1
Another User Comments:
“NTJ do not bail him out.
He and wife need to learn the consequences of their actions. Your nephews will not suffer. They will make do with what they have. Enough is enough. Help him and Y W B T J. Snap out of it. Your parents enabled his behavior and now expect you to do the same.
Don’t! I’d go low contact with him since he will harass you till he wears you down.” AlarmingDelay3709
7. AITJ For Throwing My Wife's Scented Pregnancy Pillow Down The Stairs?
“My wife (37F) and I (35M) are happily married with 2 kids and 1 on the way…. We are currently having a ridiculous argument about a fragrant pillow of all things… My wife knows I am highly sensitive to “fragrance” smells… It kind of runs in the family, my mom is allergic to perfumes and colognes, and it’s been passed down to her kids for the most part.
All the women and wives in my family mostly go fragrance-free on just about everything. It can cause headaches etc…
The one thing my wife enjoys, however, is scented laundry detergent. It bothers me, but for the most part, we get by. Occasionally (often) she wears my clothing, like t-shirts, and they end up in her laundry, where she washes them with “her” detergent (scented like “fresh rain” or “pleasant meadow” BS), and it annoys me, and I politely tell her to not wash my stuff with hers or use the fragrance-free stuff.
She is pregnant and just started using her trusty pregnancy pillow this week. She took off the liner things and washed them with a NEW scented detergent that she got from her sister. I can smell it immediately upon entering my basement. I think it might be making me ill, as I’ve had stomach issues the last few days.
When I walked upstairs to the bedroom, I could smell from the stairs.
Last night while she was walking the dog, I asked, “Did you start using a new scented detergent?” And she says, and I quote (I have texts to prove), “omg omg omg omg… yes guilty, I washed one thing and tried to hide it.
Smell my pregnancy pillow.” Bingo, smells awful to me, super potent, basically scenting our bedroom out to the hallway. It was late (too late to wash), so I said, “OK, we can’t sleep with this in here,” which set her off. We argued (stalemate), and the pillow stayed in the room but on the floor (?).
This morning I said, “What are you going to do with the pillow?” to which she replied, “What are YOU going to do with it?” I said, “Put it outside to air out?” She really flipped on this and then said, “If you hate it so much, you re-wash it.” I declined. She left for work, and I threw it down the stairs of the basement so it didn’t stink up the bedroom all day.
Tonight, thinking she would have relented or calmed a bit, said, “Ok what are you doing with the pillow tonight? It’s at the bottom of the basement stairs,” and THIS was the worst of it all.
I have relieved myself to the downstairs couch for the night (first time in 5 years of marriage!) because I 1) don’t want to be in the room with the pillow and 2) don’t want to be in the room with her currently in this state.
I’ve written it off as the dumbest argument ever, but I can’t help but wonder: AITJ or is she?? She knows the “rules” with this issue, but she is very very angry about it and how I apparently handled it. So, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“You’re not the jerk for being sensitive to fragrances, but YTJ for being a petulant child. Just wash the pillow, what does it take 7 seconds to throw it in the washer and then the same later to put it in the dryer? As well as she is the jerk for weirdly insisting that she put smelly things in the area where you sleep even if she’s not using them.
It’s not like she requires scents, there’s no downside to her just not using scented detergent.” SteevesMike
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Why would you approach this in such a condescending and argumentative way? Once confirming there was a new detergent, you could have politely let her know that it was severely negatively impacting you, washed it yourself and proceeded with your life.
Instead you went down the jerk route. Wash the pillow, buy your wife flowers, and try to remember that she’s growing your kid inside of her so she deserves extra kindness from you.” musical_mellon
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. I am like you, incredibly sensitive to certain smells, and laundry detergent is one of them.
So I was actually with you until she suggested you washed it and you “declined”. And then threw it down the stairs like a child having a tantrum. And then you lost me completely with “I’ve written it off as the dumbest argument ever”.
You were so disrespectful, throwing her pillow down the stairs, and continue to be disrespectful by completely invalidating her being upset with your behaviour. This is not ok. Wash the pillow and apologize.” ItsAllALot
6. AITJ For Canceling A 3-Week Trip To Protect My Mental Health?
“A few months ago, my parents proposed the idea of taking a 3-week long trip to our home country to visit my grandparents, as they are getting old.
This past year has been awful for me in terms of mental health, and my depression has never been worse. So, when my parents proposed the idea, I told them it was not a good idea for me to go, as my mental health was extremely fragile, and I needed the summer to focus on getting better.
The next day, my parents bought the plane tickets anyway, because (according to their words) I’ll feel better if I just went on the trip with them.
Any time over the next few months I tried to bring up my concerns to them, they would shut it down immediately, saying I had no choice.
I came home from college about a month ago, and we are leaving for the trip next week. I barely feel like I got a break after what has been the most stressful year of my life. I couldn’t even get an appointment with my psychiatrist because they were booked until the dates of my trip.
To make matters worse, I have to go back to school immediately after I come back from the trip, sending me straight from one stressful situation to another.
I have tried so hard to put a positive spin on this trip. I’ve even made itineraries to try to get myself excited, but I just can’t.
My depression is at a point where I just don’t have the motivation or energy to do anything. With my current mental state, I genuinely don’t care about exploring the country. I don’t care about going to museums, seeing historical sites, trying local cuisine, or whatever.
I can’t even get myself out of the house most days, so I don’t see how I’ll enjoy this trip. Last week, I had a bad mental breakdown in front of my parents, where I was sobbing and heaving on the floor for an hour straight.
After witnessing that, my parents told me I didn’t have to go on the trip.
However, they said they don’t want to go on the trip if I don’t go. So, if I choose not to go on the trip, I would be taking away my parents’ chance to see their aging parents.
I would feel AWFUL doing that. Plus, I’d be wasting $4,000 in plane tickets. Thinking about that makes me feel SO guilty. However, in spite of the guilt, thinking about going on the trip sends me into despair. I’m crying as I type this post. Everything about the trip, from the 15-hour flight to having to put on a “happy” face for my relatives for three weeks straight, sends me into a panic.
I’m genuinely afraid that if I go, I will end up institutionalized there.
So, I think I will tell my parents that I will not go. WIBTJ if I did that?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but you can do a telehealth visit with your therapist and get a prescription to take on your trip!
You’ve worked yourself into an uneasy state. Focus on something else, take a walk or watch TV. From a parent’s perspective, they probably don’t want to leave you at home alone. That’s why they went ahead and booked the trip even when you said no. We know our kids and love them regardless.
They recognize there’s a problem but also wish to see their aging parents.” spatty250
Another User Comments:
“NTJ if you are not in the right place to be going on the trip now then don’t go! I would still urge ur parents go without you but I understand why they want to be with you.
What about the options of shortening the trip or you going for the middle week and them going for the full 3 weeks? You guys can FaceTime or Zoom while ur home alone too! If you cancel your flight you are not just wasting the money, it will be a credit to use at another time within the year, at least for the airlines I’m aware of.
Please take care of your mental & physical health first” DryContract8916
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, your parents are trying to pressure you to fly, by guilt-tripping you. They are going to fly anyway, regardless if you come along. Do yourself a favor and stay at home.” 19Miles84
5. AITJ For Covering My Colleague’s Class And Earning Extra Hours When They Took A Vacation?
“So I am a full-time teacher, and I elected to teach summer school this year for the extra cash and to stay engaged during the break.
It is a 5-week, 4-day-a-week program. You have to interview for the limited positions, and the subject I teach only has 2 classes (~5hrs per day). We get paid per diem (hourly rate equivalent to our salary).
I was asked by the administration if I was ok splitting the position, to which I agreed, although I wish they had just given me the full time.
People will split the position by weeks (one teaches 2 weeks, the other 3), but the colleague I am splitting it with and I agreed to split it by class (I teach one block; they teach the other, each day, all weeks).
We had talked before finalizing, and the administrators left it up to us if and how we wanted to split.
I explained I wanted, if we split it by week, to have the first few weeks, but they couldn’t agree to that because they had a vacation planned for the last week and I would need to cover it. I wanted to not work the last few weeks because I am taking grad classes, but it was not an option.
So we went with the aforementioned deal of splitting by class.
Now, my colleague basically said I should take one week off of the weeks we teach to “make it even” because of their trip. I said I would think about it if a trip came up, but I did not have any planned. The weeks came and went, and I took no days off, and now they are gone for the week and I’m covering their class, earning the hours—meaning ultimately they are losing out on a total of about 10 paid hours (because they chose to go on a week-long vacation during the program).
Note: There are maybe 100 hours total in the program, and this would mean I got 60; they got 40, roughly.
The colleague never expressed contempt or animosity about this towards me, but another colleague of ours (who is objectively their “buddy” and definitely just a friendly acquaintance of mine) today really gave me a hard time, asking things like “Why didn’t you give them more planning hours?” “You defrauded them out of their hours, like $500,” “To your own teammate?
I wouldn’t do that, blah blah blah,” and lots of really targeted and passive-aggressive exclamations. Overall, it made me really uncomfortable and felt like I needed to defend myself. I get that we “agreed” to split the program, and we have! They just chose to forfeit a week of hours.
But the third party is making me feel like I did something wrong.
What do y’all think? AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Teacher here. You’re fine and the other teacher’s friend is a jerk. You split the job the way your co-teacher wanted and then the co-teacher took a week off, leaving you to cover.
You did them a favor by covering their class and that’s how you need to answer the jerk going forward. ‘I did them a favor by covering their class.’ No more, no less.” AssistantNo4330
4. AITJ For Dancing With A Stranger Even Though My Friend Wanted Exclusivity?
“Jack (25M) and I (23F) have been friends for 2 months. Initially, he pursued me as a romantic partner and we kissed a couple of times but settled on being just friends (I told him I’m not looking for a relationship).
He invited me to go drinking with his friend group, and when the bars closed, Jack, another friend Anthony, and I decided to go to an after-party.
All 3 of us walk to the after-party and get drinks, start socializing with other people. I start talking to a guy next to the DJ booth, and Jack comes up to me and says something snide about me flirting with other men.
I walk away to find Anthony and sit next to him on the couch. Later on in the night, Anthony leaves and I get up from the couch and head to the bathroom. I pass by the small dance floor and see Jack dancing with a girl (like spinning her around).
I didn’t think anything of it, and after a couple of minutes of waiting in line, he came up to me and asked me if I’d get home safe. I said, “Of course, you don’t need to walk me home; I can do it myself.” He says he’ll walk me home at the end of the night, and then I go to the bathroom.
I walk back to the small dance floor and don’t find Jack or Anthony. I sat down on a chair and started talking to a guy who was standing and dancing. We hit it off, and he asked me to dance, so I said yes.
We danced, and I threw it back on him on the dance floor. Jack saw, came up to me, and said he was leaving and to block his number and never talk to him again. I said, “OK,” excused myself from my dance partner, and headed straight out the front door to walk home.
I walked about 15 feet, and Jack ran out, stopped me, and said he couldn’t do this anymore. It hurts him to see me be with someone else and that he brought me to the party, and he expected the bare minimum for me not to dance with other people.
I apologized and asked him if he wanted me to stay or leave, and he said, “It’s not my party.” I asked again, and he said he wanted me to stay and he knows that I am single. I can do whatever I want, but he expected all 3 of us to hang out and not flirt with other people.
I truly don’t know what the solution is. I want to go out and have fun, but am I supposed to not dance with any guy ever when we go out?
AITJ for dancing with a stranger and WIBTJ if I ended our friendship trying to look out for his best interest?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Jack is not your friend. He’s a possessive Nice Guy who believes that if he bestows you with enough generosity, you’ll eventually reward his efforts with intimacy/a relationship. Remove this guy from your life. This won’t be the last time he’ll treat you like a piece of property who owes him something simply for bringing you along to parties.” ImStealingTheTowels
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, in my experience it’s best to cut ties with someone who has feelings for you. I went on a few dates with this guy that I decided to just stay friends with, thinking it’d be ok, but it turned out he still wasn’t over me.
At the end of the day, staying ‘friends’ with someone that you like is just hurtful, so I suggest cutting ties with him.” jenny-ohh
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but you shouldn’t be friends with Jack. He is, in fact, not your friend. Right now, he is a predictor biding his time until you ‘give in’ to him.
This is not how friends work. You may be his friend, but he is not yours, and you should cut ties before he gets scary—and he very, very likely will.” queltheicequeen
3. AITJ For Crying Because My Dad Forced Me To Go Swimming Despite My Phobia?
“I 16f have a hard time connecting with my family. I don’t know why this is, but it is hard for me to spend time with the people around me. I’m uncomfortable with doing certain things and just wish my family would understand that.
So for a bit of context, my grandmother is visiting for a while and she’s a little much for me at times, but I deal with it because I love her. My dad is big on family and will make everyone spend time together.
So yesterday I got a call from him saying that we’re going to go school shopping with everyone; that didn’t bother me because my mom already said that he was going to take me. This morning I got another call from him saying that things have changed and nobody wants to go shopping anymore, and that we’re going to the pool instead.
Let me emphasize that I don’t like pools. I’m actually terrified of water due to a near-drowning experience when I was younger. On top of that, I just think they’re gross.
My father knows all this, but to him, fear shouldn’t exist. It’s just another thing you need to get over.
Fear isn’t an option. I tried to come up with an excuse to not go, like I have an athlete’s foot. I do have that because of a pool I went to. My mother even told him it probably wasn’t a good idea to go/I shouldn’t go because of it.
Yet he doesn’t care. Let me just say that I can’t say no to this man. Like, if he wants to do something, then I feel as if I can’t say no because I feel really bad afterward, I don’t know, but it’s just that he didn’t care.
Like, saying no isn’t an option. I have no say in it unless I get my mom to intervene. I’ve been treated as an adult most of my life, and yet when I try to act like one, or make a decision, or try to express my discomfort, then and there is when I get treated like a child.
Like, it doesn’t matter. I eventually gave up trying to get out of this, so I just started to cry and get ready to go, but then I got a call from my dad.
D: “Yeah”
Op: “What?”
D: “You stay your butt home.”
Op: “What?”
D: “This is obviously such a big thing for you if you’ve been complaining about going this whole time.”
Op: “…”
D: “Lemme just say this, you only got one dad and one grandma and I’m trying to get you together and that’s obviously not what you want, so you can stay home and do whatever you want, but WE’RE going swimming.”
Op: “..Ok.”
And he hung up. After he did, I just started to cry. It’s not like I didn’t want to spend time with them; the plan was changed and I felt like I was being backed into a corner, but maybe I should’ve just sucked it up and went.
I feel like such a pos. Idk AITJ? I feel like one.”
Another User Comments:
“As the parent of a 16-year-old, I can offer the world to encourage spending time with family, and I’ll always be the pushy, inconsiderate jerk who ‘doesn’t get it’ and be given 1000 reasons why it’s stressful, hard, unfeeling.
News flash, we’ve all been 16; we didn’t get it then either, but god, is it embarrassing to look back now on how we acted. Grandma’s a bit much? So is the attitude of 16-year-olds. Shopping was fine for you. You don’t like swimming?
Go to the pool and take a book—no one’s going to force you to swim. Family isn’t around forever—harsh, but choose your hill to die on. YTJ—you can’t be upset about not wanting to spend time with family when you don’t want to spend time with family.” Haunting-Juice983
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I know how you feel, OP. I’m like that too. I have a really hard time connecting with my family, and spending time with them always leaves me exhausted and anxious. Most of my relatives don’t understand that, especially my dad and my aunt.
It took my psychiatrist telling them to leave me alone for them to stop. I’m sorry your father doesn’t even make an effort to understand you.” Brilliant_Ticket_355
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. The reason all the adults around you are a bit much is because they’ve been forced to grow their personalities when they weren’t comfortable.
Frankly, I think swimming is something you need to get really comfortable and good at so that you DON’T drown. You’re not a POS, this is just part of the process of growing.” Petefriend86
2. AITJ For Changing The Locks And Denying My Wife's Family Open Access?
“My wife (25F) and I (26F) are in the process of buying her grandparents’ home. The house has been in my wife’s family for nearly a century, and everyone is super excited to see the house belong to the next generation. This house is a dream, and the whole family is wonderful, but as someone who has married into the family, I am struggling to adjust. As we’ve been moving in and the grandparents moving out, I have been constantly hearing all the stories about people growing up in the house, which rooms belonged to who, what incidents happened where etc. At first, I loved learning the history of the house, but as more distant relatives have been stopping by, the more overwhelmed I’ve become with exactly how much this place means to everyone.
It’s made it very hard for me to picture this house as mine and my wife’s and not someone else’s place that we are simply staying in.
To make matters worse, the grandparents have always had an open-door policy. The immediate family all have a copy of the house keys and are used to being welcomed over any time they like, even when the grandparents aren’t home.
I didn’t think anyone would still follow that rule once we moved in. However, we’ve lived in the house for a week, and I have already had a couple of people stop by simply to visit. At one point, Grandma stopped in to use the bathroom and scared me and my dog.
I have been freaking out. I knew we would be close to my wife’s family since they all live in the same town, but I never expected that we would basically have to share the house. I talked to my wife about changing the locks, and she agreed. She knows that I am uncomfortable with people dropping by unannounced and is aware that boundaries don’t exactly exist in her family.
I’m just not sure if we should inform them that we will be changing the locks. On one hand, it would be smart to tell them so no one panics when their key doesn’t work, but on the other hand, what if they all ask for a copy of the key?
That would defeat the purpose.
Another concern is my mother-in-law. She’s married into the family, so she didn’t grow up in this house. However, my wife is her only child, and she is extremely clingy to her. Before we even moved into this house, she occasionally stopped by unannounced at our apartment and crossed that boundary.
I’m worried that if she has a key to the house, she will let herself in whenever she wants and practically move in with us. It’ll be worse if we ever have children (which I don’t really want), as all my MIL has been asking for is a little tiny.
I’m not sure which route is best because I love my wife’s family, but I want our privacy and personal space. So, WIBTJ if we change the locks?”
Another User Comments:
“Ntj. Change the locks. I’d get keyless entry so no one is copying keys.
If someone visits, you can set a temp code for that period of time. Or get fingerprint access. Since you still don’t own the house, you can’t do much other than add an additional lock. But the day you sign those papers? Change them all.
And put up cameras.” Msmediator
1. AITJ For Telling My Stepson That He Needs To Grow Up And Be Independent?
“My husband has a son (6) with a very unique woman.
3 years ago she lost primary custody of their son because of her unique parenting. She’s only allowed strictly supervised visitation once a month. I’ve tried my best to fill in the role of his mom. For about 7 months, his behavior changed drastically. He used to be like any other 4/5-year-old, but lately, he has been extremely clingy and attached to me.
For example, he wants to sleep between us more and more; he is not really paying attention to his dad anymore, and he wants to literally do everything with me. We are also expecting, and I haven’t told my stepson yet because I’m unsure how he’ll react.
I’m very worried his behavior will worsen if we don’t teach him how to be apart from me or share attention with a younger sibling.
My sister’s friend, whom my husband isn’t very fond of, has also expressed concern. Her son also used to be like this, but he was 3.
She told me to leave him with family for short periods of time so he’ll get used to being around people without his parents and to stop letting him have his way.
He was invited to a birthday party this coming Sunday, and usually I stay with him, but I wanted him to be a bit more independent.
I talked to him about it and said that while he’s at the birthday, I will be going to the hair salon. He whined and said he wanted me there and that I must be there. I responded by telling him that his dad will be there.
He continued to whine that he wanted mommy and daddy to be there. I then told him that it will be good to be apart for a bit and that he’ll be a big boy soon. I then talked about him making new friends and how much fun it’ll be to play with new friends at the party, that he won’t even notice that I’m not there.
I finally told him that we need to spend less time together so he’ll grow to be strong and independent, that in the future he’ll be all grown up and won’t need me anymore.
He burst into tears and was inconsolable; no matter what I did, he kept crying until his dad came home.
My husband was in bed with him until he fell asleep. My husband came out of my stepson’s room furious and accused me of telling his son that I didn’t want him anymore.
I, of course, tried to clarify that I didn’t say that at all, but he said he didn’t care what I said and that it came across as me not wanting to parent his son anymore.
This is absolutely not the case and I just wanted to help him have more time with his son. He’s been really cold to me for the past few days; I feel like he’s overreacting since his son was completely fine the following day. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. So instead of looking for the root of the problem and talking to a professional, you broke a little boy’s heart? You think the kid is completely fine just because kids are good at masking their emotions because they don’t understand them.
They don’t understand why they feel insecure or sad all of a sudden, and they can shift to happy in a snap, but they haven’t resolved the other issues, and it piles up. That’s why there’s adults with deep emotional trauma that they have no idea where it came from; it’s because of parents thinking ‘oh my kid is fine!!’ Go to counseling, look at the root of the problem, and find a professional to help you with attachment and the issues that can develop if you don’t handle it delicately.
Kids are strong, but this is not the way to handle this.” WatercressSmall8570
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. The child has abandonment issues. Whatever his mother’s parenting style did to him, he still would have loved her. He’s afraid of losing another mother, which you just told him he would.
Even strangers on reddit can see this. I also see a woman with a needy stepson who is going to have her own child. That poor little boy needs therapy, and so should you. He’s probably figured out you’re having a baby, which is why he’s acting clingy again.
Your husband sure knows how to pick ’em.” Historical-Goal-3786
Another User Comments:
“YTJ – if this unique parenting was enough to get the kids removed it was almost certainly bad enough to mess him up. He’s got anxiety and feels safe with you. You need to work through this with a doctor or other help in a way that’s appropriate to his age, not just tell him he can’t be around you so much.” BenynRudh
He's at liberty to make himself sick but he doesn't get to inflict his delusions on anyone else.