People Look Around For Answers In These 'Am I The Jerk?' Stories
22. AITJ For Ignoring My Soon-To-Be-Ex Husband's Requests To Train His Staff After Our Separation?
“My soon-to-be-ex husband owns a business. I’ve always been helping him where necessary for free and I’ve never been paid. It was a personal favour and I even went for a couple of in-person courses to learn whatever was needed.
I’ve been helping out for 7 years now (since the relationship started) but it wasn’t really in any official capacity, it was more like a filler role where I help them create emails and email banners.
Now that we’ve separated, I sent him all the passwords and information already but he keeps asking me to hand over stuff to the next staff.
This isn’t rocket science information. It is basic email creation that they could Google. I went for a course because I just wanted to do it the best I could.
However, he keeps asking me for help.
In an email to me, my husband wrote: “I have in many occasions requested you to handover all of your work to (staff).
You refused citing that they are not the right fit for the job.
Regardless, you assured me that moving forward you will not let our issues prevent you from performing the work currently handled by you.
I sent you an email requesting you to have a personal handover session with (staff) to which you never replied.
Are you seriously intending and hoping for the work to get disrupted or stalled out of spitefulness for me? I understand it is not reasonable or logical to ask you to do this anymore but you are doing the very thing I anticipated and wanted to prevent when I asked you to hand over.
Can you assist with the current requests, and meet with (staff) anytime this week to handover? I will get them to come to you so it is easier for you. All I ask is for a proper handover. After that, I will ensure this never troubles you again.
Promise”.
He also wrote in a follow-up email: “(staff) updated me that you’ve informed her that the work has been handed over to me hence you will not be doing it.
As I said, I understand that you will not be doing it henceforth but you have not handed it over yet.
I will ask one final time: I will drop by your place today and can you hand it over to me? I will not bother you after today for anything”.
I have not replied to any of these emails and even the thought of seeing him makes me feel like crying.
I don’t think it is fair because if he sat down and thought about it he would realize that I did help him as a personal favor and now that our relationship no longer exists, I don’t see a need to help him.
AITJ for ignoring his requests?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but a quick follow up of, “I sent you the information you are requesting on such and such date (whatever date you sent the passwords and the information). I am not required to send that same information to your staff, as that would be your responsibility.
If your work has been disrupted and stalled because you have failed to do so, I suggest you look into doing so at your earliest convenience. Do not contact me about this matter further, as it was closed on (repeat the date you sent the passwords and information) when you received the passwords and information you have requested repeatedly.” If he continues, it becomes harassment at that point, and you should consider serving him with a cease, before ramping up to pressing charges.” BeautifulPhantom1
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You were never formally employed so the standard 2-week notice type of handover would not apply nor should it be required. Based on your post you have already handed everything over. I would tell him you’re not going to train his staff as that would go far above and beyond your responsibility to him and his business.
I would also just reiterate that you have already handed over all relevant documents and if anything is outstanding he needs to stop being so vague and let you know exactly what document/password it is so you can see if you still have access to it for forwarding.” Mundane-State-7306
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Since you were never an official employee, reply that since he already has all the necessary information for HIS business you will be willing to assist as a paid consultant. This is only if you’re willing to go the route if paid.
If you’re not simply reply with the fact that you handed everything off to the owner, him, and are under no obligation to train anyone else and will no longer reply to anything concerning the matter. Advise him that if the line of harassment continues, concerning work, that you will seek some sort of restraining order.” [deleted]
21. AITJ For Petting A Dog In A Store After The Owner Gave Me Permission?
“An interaction I had earlier today has left me dumbfounded.
I was out shopping for a few things I needed at a well-known hardware store. I come to have my items checked out at the cashier when I stand behind a woman with a dog on a harness and leash.
It should be known that this store is very pet friendly (or at least this certain store is) so people bringing in their pets is commonplace. I told her how sweet and well-behaved the dog was. The owner thanked me and started to cash out.
I asked if the dog was friendly and if I could pet her. The owner replied that it was okay to do so. So I kneel and start petting her. The dog starts licking my hand and leaning into me scratching behind her ear. Her rear leg even started that cliché thumping on the ground.
I stand back up after petting her and the dog promptly rolls over onto her back.
As soon as this happened, the owner started shouting at me. “What do you think you’re doing?” I was confused and just responded with “Sorry?” She then proceeded to say that the dog was a working dog and that I was being a distraction to her by petting her so aggressively.
I responded that I didn’t know and she shot back that I should’ve known since she had a working vest on. I saw that she did even initially but it was purely blank and gave no indication of the dog being a service/working dog: it looked to me like any other harness one would put on an ordinary dog.
I said it was a misunderstanding, I apologized and she just walked out of the store.
I moved up to the cashier who witnessed everything and just shrugged it off and said she was being over the top and that she could’ve led with that.
I’m not sure how I should’ve handled myself in this situation. Had she said it was a service dog or even if she just said no, I understand enough to not be distracted from their work. But I also don’t know enough to know if I crossed the line in something I did otherwise, especially after getting consent to interact with the dog and not knowing it was currently working.
Did I cross a line that I don’t know about in regards to service dogs, was this that she felt personally upset about how I interacted with the dog, was this just a misunderstanding? I figure at the very least this opens up an opportunity for Reddit to discuss and educate people about this issue, myself included.
I just want to pet some cute puppies respectfully”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Normally, it’s a huge no-no to pet a strange dog, but you specifically asked if it was okay for you to pet the dog, and you were given permission. If she didn’t want you ‘distracting’ a service dog, then she should have said so to begin with, rather than yelling at you when she had said you could pet it.” WolfGoddess77
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. The dog wasn’t labeled, so you asked. Appropriate. She said yes, with no caveats. You aren’t a mind reader! I have a service dog. I was doing a thing this weekend that required I not have him labeled. However, almost everyone we saw (literally hundreds of people, I was demonstrating craft stuff) who wanted to pet him, asked before touching him.
They were all respectful when I said no. I only told some he was a service dog, and they mostly apologized for even asking, but I reassured them that he wasn’t labeled, how would they know? And, if I do tell someone yes, I expect them to give him a good scratching.
Why wouldn’t I? Isn’t that the *point*?” Neenknits
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You asked for permission and were offered it. Reading this as a Service Dog handler, I have to wonder whether this individual set a bit of a trap for you. We don’t give people permission to pet our Service Dogs and tell them off for doing exactly that.
I don’t usually let people pet my Service Dog as it’s not an association I want him to have with those around us, but you deal with that by drawing boundaries straight away…not by telling someone off for not petting your dog the **right way**.” [deleted]
20. AITJ For Locking My Daughter's College Fund After She Used It To Attend A Convention?
“My daughter is seventeen and applying for colleges. We have a college fund saved up for her that we’ve been adding to since she was an infant. It’s a good sizeable chunk of money and a lot of donations from family have gone into it as well as her savings occasionally.
We have always made it clear that the money in there is for college only. She never had to put her savings in there (has a separate savings account) but did so anyway.
Anyway, her partner lives in Australia and they are both insanely big Supernatural fans.
They have both wanted to go to a convention for years – at least five that I can remember.
Two of the main guys are going to be at a convention in Australia. She begged me to let her go, I said no, but the con is set for after her 18th.
I can’t stop her if she pays for it. (I assumed she would use her savings).
I checked the college account to add some in and noticed a chunk of money missing.
I went to speak to my daughter about it and she admitted to using the money to pay for the convention.
She bought herself plane tickets, her partner’s plane tickets (another end of the country), and both of their con tickets as well as booked a hotel. The con is three or four days but she’s planning on staying for a couple weeks and making a vacation out of it.
All in all, she’s taken about 10k.
I lost it, honestly. Demanded she cancel which fell on deaf ears. I tried to cancel for her but she won’t be refunded everything so I’m hesitant to do so.
She’s insisting that it’s her money and she can do what she likes with it.
Claims she still has enough for college and this is a once-in-a-lifetime experience.
I believe this has shown her extreme immaturity and inability to manage her future and money. I am so incredibly angry that she would go and do this.
I told her she could say goodbye to the rest of her college fund and have locked the account – I’m now the only person with access.
She’s said she’ll pay it back but it seems unlikely.
My wife thinks I’m being harsh and that she’s right – she put at least 5k into the account herself, so she only took 5k (which my mother-in-law has since said she’ll pay back). I think this just teaches her she can pay her way out of messes.
I was certain in my decision but everyone is acting like I’m the jerk. She’s a teenage girl and her entire life shouldn’t revolve around college.
I’m still uncertain. So here I am. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“I say NTJ if you are going to make her pay back $5k.
I don’t think she should have had access to withdraw from the fund in the first place but I guess it was set up in her name and could be withdrawn from at 18. The money was set aside for school not just for whatever she wanted. I think the rest should stay for school only she’s lost the privilege of unrestricted access to the account.” pnutbuttercups56
Another User Comments:
“I’m not going to say NTJ yet but you’re getting close. So first off letting her intermingle her savings into the college account and have direct access to it was your mistake. You should never have allowed either of those to happen and the fact that you did is now greatly complicating things.
I think you need to calm down and try to have a rational discussion with your daughter. She’s almost 18 now and if you mess this up then it’s going to have massive repercussions for your relationship with her down the line. Yes, she messed up but that’s no reason to utterly destroy your relationship with her.
I think the sensible thing to do here would be to keep the lock on the college fund account so that you and your wife can control the disbursement of funds, and help her open her account that is completely independent of you so that she can start to manage her savings.
Then the three of you need to sit down and have a rational discussion about what her college fund will and will not be used to pay for when she goes to college to set expectations. I don’t know exactly how much money is in the account but it sounds to me like she’s spent the “entertainment” portion of her college fund already and so while the college fund can be used to cover essentials in the future (tuition, books, groceries, rent, etc.) there won’t be any excess “fun money” in it.” Radeon
Another User Comments:
“I don’t think you should take the rest of her college fund away from its originally intended use, but it’s good that it’s locked down now (she never should’ve been able to access it). If she only really took 5k because the rest was what she put into it, you should get that much from her trip refunded and tell her she can come up with the rest because that money is for her education.
If you just let her use what she took and go to the convention and her dream vacation, she still gets what she wants.” champagneformyrealfr
19. AITJ For Accusing My Aunt of Exploiting My Mother's Grief For Profit?
“I’m 16 and caught up in a family situation that’s pretty complicated. Due to problems at home, I’ve been moving back and forth between my dad’s and my nan’s places.
My aunt, Alice, is 29, and she occasionally stays at my nan’s. We have a bit of a rocky relationship because she’s not exactly cozy with my mom.
A couple of years ago, my mom had a baby named Charlie, who, unfortunately, passed away on the same day.
Even though we couldn’t bring Charlie home, he’s a significant part of our family. We celebrate his birthday, and there’s a little memorial for him in our front room.
Now, things get messier. Alice got pregnant a year later, and she and my uncle approached my mom.
Alice admitted she liked the name Charlie but felt uneasy about her son sharing the name with a “deceased kid.” My mom got really upset and said, “He’s not just a ‘deceased kid,’ he’s your nephew.” After a two-month showdown, Alice gave in and picked a different name to avoid any more arguments over the baby’s name.
Here’s where I may be the jerk. A few days ago, I noticed Alice was selling these resin baby figurines for Baby Loss Awareness Month. She tagged my mom in the comments, which upset me a bit as not even the day prior ( C’s bday ) she told me my mum was lying about grieving Charlie for pity points.
That night I was at Nans, and Alice suggested I buy one for my mom to put next to the “shrine of her deceased kid”, and I just got really upset. I called her out and said she was profiting off other people’s pain and choosing to believe my mum only when it made her money.
I also reminded her that if she wanted to be part of our family, she should at least use Charlie’s name and show some empathy.
Alice argued she couldn’t understand what my mom went through because she hadn’t lost a baby herself. I told her she shouldn’t pretend to get it while talking negatively about my mom behind her back.
I also said that if she really cared about people who’ve suffered like that, she should donate to charities that help grieving families instead of pocketing the money. She brushed it off, saying money doesn’t help with healing. I lashed out and called her a shallow mean person.
Our argument got pretty intense, and my nan had to send me to bed. Now, Alice wants me banned from my nan’s place, saying my “presence is causing emotional distress to her and her baby boy.” My school advised against staying at my mom’s, so I’m not sure if my nan will ask me to leave on the days I’m supposed to be with her.
So, am I the one in the wrong here (AITJ)?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You lost a brother, too, which your aunt is conveniently forgetting (of course). I am truly sorry for your loss and the pain you feel. I think what you should do is approach your nan before Alice can sob to her, and speak to your nan honestly and in a mature manner about all that has occurred. Make sure you bring up what your school said, and that being allowed to stay at your nan’s place is beneficial to you (as long as that is what you want, vs being at your dad’s full-time.) I’m sorry for what you’re going through, on all levels.
Your aunt is a horrid person. No one gets to dictate someone else’s grief or how long they can grieve. And no one should be profiting off of someone else’s grief. That’s just evil. Hang in there <3" PuttPuttCatButt
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. The pain of losing a child is indeed hard to explain, but that doesn’t mean you can’t still feel empathy for someone’s loss. The fact that Alice keeps referring to her nephew as “the deceased kid” is horrible. I also agree that she seems to be trying to profit from other people’s losses.
If she donated the money she got, that would be one thing, but that’s clearly not what she’s doing, based on your post. If your “presence is causing emotional distress”, then she should be able to understand why calling her nephew “the deceased kid” is also distressing to you and your mother.” WolfGoddess77
Another User Comments:
“NTJ You don’t have to have lost a child yourself to be empathetic, you will never understand the pain and hurt of course, but understanding, listening, there is a lot you can try do for somebody who is processing their grief The way your auntie talks of your mother and the loss of your brother, is frankly disrespectful consistently referring to him as a “deceased child” is harsh, there are many ways she can support baby loss awareness month, starting with those around her and those calling out for support.
Not by selling off resin products for financial gain” MegRea678
18. AITJ For Defending My Friendship With A Longtime Family Friend To My Possessive Partner?
“I (19m) recently got a new partner who’s kind of possessive.
Two days ago my family had dinner with my mom’s best friend’s family, my mom and her best friend had been best friends for 23 years and we’ve been hanging out with the best friend’s family since I could remember.
This time my partner came with me since we already had plans when my mom told me about the dinner and when I tried to cancel with my partner she just said that she would come too.
I’m the closest to my best friend’s youngest daughter since her brothers aren’t very social, I talk to them and we’re friends but we’re just not as close.
When we got to the best friend’s house her daughter was the one who opened the door for us, she hugged everyone but my partner (obviously) and then she and I started talking more about something that she heard at school.
My partner gave me a look when I continued to talk to my friend ( I will call her S cause it’s easier) and I thought she just didn’t know who we were talking about since she wasn’t in the same school as us (S is still in school and I just graduated and this year has started college) so I just explained quickly the who the people we were talking about are.
As we were sitting down to eat I was going to sit next to S but my partner kind of pushed me to sit next to my dad and her.
I didn’t care since when we eat we always have big discussions with the whole table so it didn’t matter.
I and S continued to talk with her brothers too after we ate and tried to engage my partner in the conversation but she was just on her phone and giving one-word answers. I chose to let it go since I was having a good time and I haven’t seen them longer than I’m used to since I started college.
When we left my partner was supposed to sleep over at my house.
When we got to my room she immediately started ranting about how S is so annoying and how it’s obvious I have a “crush” on her and scolded me about being with her when I have feelings for someone else.
I told her that I don’t have a crush on S, she’s like my sister and 15, so it’s wrong in all kinds of ways, then I told her that I didn’t want her to come exactly because of how possessive and annoying she gets when I talk to other girls.
She glared at me and just left after that, she hasn’t talked to me since and I’m starting to feel bad
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ your partner is overly possessive…she invited herself to the dinner and then refused to engage with the hosts.
Then creating an inappropriate crush on your almost sibling relationship is not good. If you already find her possessive and annoying perhaps this is the red flag you needed to see.” SadFlatworm1436
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She invited herself. She didn’t bother engaging with everyone and getting to know them.
I would have dubbed you the jerk if you completely ignored her presence when you guys got there, but you did try involving her in conversations and she just chose to be possessive for no reason. Though I will say, choosing to sit next to your friend and not your partner when you come with her and she doesn’t know anyone there you isn’t the greatest, just a side note.” kraighyowla
17. AITJ For Not Wanting To Make New Friends After Past Traumas?
“I 29F used to be very open with people. The “Wear your heart on your sleeve” type, I used to try to make friends with a lot of people. I unfortunately had a very traumatizing life full of getting backstabbed by family and friends the worst of this happened three years ago which exploded into me being stalked, harassed, etc..
Because of this I became very secluded I closed off from new relationships and if friends left I didn’t care or let more people in. I was fine with losing people and was fine with being alone. I ended up finding comfort in solitude with the very small group I have now (about 5 people I am very close to).
Now onto where I might be the jerk – My husband 27M is very extroverted. He had a traumatizing background like I did. I recently got him into a Discord server I was in that had a lot of people in it (I used to frequent this Discord before the major mental shutdown).
He became fast friends with a group of people and I would often come home from work to him streaming or gaming with them. Which I didn’t have a problem with. Today I was playing BG3 and he commented on how the group of friends was awesome.
I just said oh okay I’m happy for you. He said they kept asking about me and wanted to be friends. I told him that I was not interested. I was fine with him being friends with them but I didn’t want to. I felt nothing for these people.
He got upset and started talking about how I needed to open up more and try to have friends.
I told him every time I let people in before I got hurt. I didn’t want to let anyone else in and I was happy with the wall I had up.
He pointed out I needed more people than just my small group and my dog and no wonder they say I’ll end up as a crazy cat lady. I got upset and it turned into a full-blown argument with him saying he’s been hurt too before and forgave people and me saying I was happy with how things were.
The argument ended with him telling me to drop my ring(Which was a part of a wedding set I inherited and loved so much I wanted to use it for my wedding ring too).
I don’t know if I’m the jerk here. I am pretty positive I am happy the way things are but I don’t think it should’ve exploded into an argument.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – he overreacted and should have respected your boundaries. He should not insult you either as “crazy cat lady”. To me, 5 friends is a lot lol. But you maybe can positively communicate your boundaries so as not to escalate the argument if you want to.
e.g. express that you’re happy with a small close-knit group of friends (positive), rather than you’re afraid of getting hurt (avoiding negative). Because when you sound like you’re just avoiding it, he may feel like he needs to “push” you for “you’re good”. But he’s still the jerk here for blowing it up.
What did you mean about the ring? I didn’t get that part” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“There are none here. He’s right though, not about having to befriend these specific people but about how the wall doesn’t work. I tried being open too. I stopped trying to hide my disabilities.
I expressed my feelings. I had a hobby I loved and love still and I got hurt, I got very hurt. I am extraordinarily hurt and they are hurting me still, but they’re just evil people. There are people in the world who are that way but even a bitter cynic like myself has to admit I am much happier with an open heart.
Sure it’s a huge risk but the world would suck even more if there weren’t people willing to take it. Make friends careful who you confide in and be kind especially when others are not. I wish you the best.” Ducklings
Another User Comments:
“NTJ- but the whole get rid of your ring is a major flag.
Breaking up over every argument is very manipulative and suggests this isn’t the only area in your life he expects you to bend to his will. I would suggest, individual counseling for both of you. You have some trauma to deal with and so does he.
His response shows he hasn’t healed the way he thinks he has. Also want to point out, that if he doesn’t change his fighting style he will be showing any future kids it’s ok to emotionally mistreat loved ones during an argument.” Shiel009
16. AITJ For Allowing My Adult Kids To Speak Negatively About Their Dad?
“My (39f) ex-husband (43m) and I divorced almost 2 years ago. We have 2 children who are now 18(f) and 21(m). One of our issues, when we were married, was that I felt my ex wasn’t very involved with the kids as they grew into adolescents.
As younger children, he was fantastic, but as they got older and needed more discipline/structure and had typical teenage moods/behaviors, he was just kind of there. When our kids did approach him for things he would often get irritated or seemed on edge.
Our kids would often come to me and express how they feel their dad wasn’t very approachable or they felt like they were a bother to him. I expressed this to him many times and encouraged him to maybe spend quality time with each kid, as well as talk with them about this.
I told him that he only had “x” amount of time with them before they would be gone and how much this could hinder their future relationship. The kids would also say bad things about their dad and I would always correct them or defend their dad.
Well fast forward to now. He often complains about how little the kids call or see him. That he doesn’t feel important to them, that they care very much, and how much it hurts him, etc. Now I don’t remind him about our talks I will just say, “Well maybe try reaching out more” or “I’m sure they’re just busy living their lives”.
The 18yo is away at college and the 21yo moved out when we sold our house during the divorce, so he’s been on his own for almost 3 years. I’ve asked the kids about now seeing their dad and they say not-so-great things about him except now I don’t correct or defend their dad.
I don’t join in, but I don’t discourage it. I feel like they’re adults who are expressing their frustrations and emotions regarding how their dad’s behaviors impact them and how hurt they are by them. He can honestly be disrespectful of their feelings, pretty selfish at times, and self-absorbed.
I had a friend tell me that I shouldn’t allow them to speak that way about their father and should instead encourage them to talk to him, which I do, I just don’t defend him or tell them they need to stop, just that they should talk to him.
Both kids however feel that the ship has sailed because they’ve attempted to off and on throughout the years and nothing has changed. She also said that by allowing it I’m essentially agreeing with them. I mean I do agree with them, I just keep my comments to myself.
So, AITJ, for allowing my kids to speak freely about their dad even if it’s negative?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. They are adults and can think and feel whatever they want. You have no duty to try and talk them out of whatever opinion they may have of their father.
Not sure why your EX is complaining to you about his communication (or lack of it) with the kids. That’s his problem to solve.” SatelliteBeach123
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your ex has the relationship he’s created with his kids. That has nothing to do with you other than your kids talking to you honestly about how they feel, which is the relationship you’ve created with your kids.
It’s up to him to fix it, and your friend doesn’t know what she’s talking about.” wcs4696
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Not saying anything doesn’t mean you’re agreeing, that’s not how it works. I think you understood perfectly when you said they’re adults now and entitled to their own opinions on their father’s behavior.
Also, you’re encouraging them to talk to their father already. What else should you do? Give an ultimatum? Again, they’re adults, they make their own decisions.” [deleted]
15. AITJ For Letting My Military Partner Intervene When I Was Assaulted at Work?
“I 19F am a ground attendant and I have a partner who is in the military services. He lives abroad and he often comes to my country for work.
If I am working he always passes by me at the airport. 2 days ago he came to the country with the team. I have met his team several times and they are all very sweet and caring. He calls me and asks where I am.
I was at the gate and told him he could come straight to me and we could walk together to the exit as I was almost done. I was about to start boarding when I saw this man who was walking back and forth in the back like crazy.
I walked up to him and asked if he was ok and needed help. He looked very confused but proceeded to say he was ok. So I was boarding with my colleague when this man started to flip and yell at random people. I have had mad passengers before but this time there was no reason for him to be mad.
He started cussing and yelling and threw his suitcase and took other people’s bags and threw them at us. Everyone was scared and there was complete chaos at the gate. This man was clearly in some shock or something because he wasn’t acting like a normal person.
At this point, security was called.
This man walks up to me and starts yelling. I asked him to calm down and offered to call someone for him and he lost it. He grabbed my throat. He caused complete chaos and just a few seconds later my partner came running to me with the team.
Now mind you my partner and his team they were carrying. They took the man off of me and just a minute later security arrived. After we explained the situation it was all ok. Usually, my partner has to let someone know before they operate but his commander got involved and it was all fine.
My team leader and manager also came to the gate together with some colleagues. Some colleagues told me that I should have told my partner to not get involved because now I am putting the security of our airport in a bad sight. She said that people will now think we have bad security and that I am the jerk for causing that and that I am also the jerk for having my partner come to the gate so we can walk together.
So AITJ for letting him and his team get involved and AITJ for inviting my partner to my gate so I could walk back with him?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Your partner happened to be in the area when you were physically threatened and he intervened. You didn’t call him to assist. For all you know anyone in the area might have stepped in.
Did your colleagues expect you to get hurt to save the feelings of your security? As for comments about him coming to find you and walk together – these reek of green-eyed monster. He’s there, you’re there, why wouldn’t you want to spend a few extra minutes together?
Your colleagues don’t seem like happy people.” VioletDaisyAMJ
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You were being choked. How are you supposed to know that your partner was going to get there in that moment and how were you supposed to stop him? Dealing with angry or jerky customers is one thing, but this guy assaulted you and anyone jumping in to help you is fine.
Your coworkers are putting too much on you.” friendlily
Another User Comments:
“NTJ- so you were supposed to ask your partner not to get involved while this man had you by the throat?? Forget that. If I saw someone assaulting my partner I would intervene no matter what.
You are not to blame for this man’s behavior. Nor should you be expected to endure an assault and wait until airport security arrives rather than accept help already available. Are you alright?” [deleted]
14. AITJ For Quitting My Job After Being Underpaid and Expected To Be Available 24/7?
“I’m a non-traditional college student. I applied for a role that offered $15/hour, I got offered the role for $11.50.
I inquired about the pay and she told me that it was a “range” However, I specifically was applying to jobs that had a minimum, so if it said “range” I would’ve inquired on that first. She offered me $12.50, I accepted the role because I felt like maybe she wanted to see who I was for the remainder of the semester then increase it to the desired amount I needed.
Two weeks into the role, I was given tasks, my boss made it clear that she was checking out because she was not offered to keep her role for the following year. She begins assigning me her cleaning duties (I didn’t sign up to clean microwaves that haven’t been cleaned in years) and we’re kind of starting in a manner that is distasteful to me by her being very open about tasking me with her undesirable tasks.
Last week I was tasked with updating staff lists, I edited the list and sent out a mass email to the team asking them to update their information, and they did it. Great.
Rather than responding to the email that we originally began discussing this topic, she texts my phone after work hours and asks me all these questions about what I did, saying we had the information on file and all this stuff, including that she needed to update it also.
Requested that I send a follow-up email telling the team to disregard the email from yesterday and informing me she felt I was disrespectful because I didn’t respond to her email the way that she wanted.
I informed her that I don’t get paid enough for her to have access to me 24 hours a day.
She “Girl-ed” me and told me they were all underpaid. In my mind, while she accepted that for herself, that has nothing to do with me… And I still won’t be responding to anything like that outside of my work/school hours.
The “head” leader wanted to take a break from the meeting as she felt that emotions were high, but that’s the thing… I wasn’t being emotional. It’s a fact I don’t get paid enough, It’s a fact you texted me when you could’ve emailed me for me to quickly refer to the email chain to give accurate answers, and I’m not disrespectful for not doing what you wanted on my time.
I kind of quit during that meeting, I woke up sick and irritated lol but I wasn’t expecting to be name-called… I do not like that and I don’t like her attitude and entitlement towards me, my time, and what I’m supposed to do.
AITJ?
Am I not seeing something here?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It’s reasonable to expect to be paid a lot more to be available for work problems outside work hours. During the last 10 years of my mom’s career, she worked a position where she could be called in for emergencies any time of day for 2/4 weeks, and she got a 25k pay bump for that even though she got calls maybe 8-10 times a year, and only 1-2 were late night ones.” KaliTheBlaze
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. All work and work-related things are on work hours only, unless you signed a contract agreeing to be on-call (or whatever, for whatever reason, but I highly doubt this). Work emails, calls, texts, and whatever communication, all of them should be through work emails and phones, not personal emails or phones.
Look over your list of job duties and responsibilities, and question yourself whether whatever tasks your boss assigned you, “is it a priority?” And you got completely lowballed. If you wanted 15/hr, you should’ve stuck with 15/hr, because they’ll never increase it. You must have a pay or salary expectation for yourself.
Based on your skills, how much do you want to earn? Don’t tell them what it is. Ask them first what their range is, take their top pay, and haggle a bit. If they won’t budge, go somewhere greener.” MacCatios
13. AITJ For Skipping My Sister's Birthday Dinner To Attend My Son's Soccer Game?
“My sister’s (29F) birthday was a little over a month ago. She said previously, a few times, that she didn’t want a birthday get-together this year.
I’m (32F) usually the one who plans hers, but if it’s not me, then it’s either our other sister or my BIL.
This year, she wanted to go to a concert, so her husband got her those tickets and they went. My brother and SIL kept their children for them. Because she said she didn’t want a celebration, and she had plans to go to the concert, I didn’t plan a dinner.
Nobody else did, either.
A little over a week later, our dad said he was going to have a cookout for my sister’s birthday because he does it for everyone else. I now live almost 200 miles away. I was in my hometown to collect some things from my old house on Thursday and Friday that week, but my (foster) son had his first soccer game on Saturday morning, so I told them I wouldn’t be able to make the dinner.
As a side note: I borrowed her couch while I lived in my trailer. She is using my chest of drawers. She knew for weeks that I was moving and never made an attempt to get her couch, even when she knew I was in town packing.
One of my little brothers (23 M) was helping me pack and said she had gifted the couch to him, but he didn’t have room for it. I didn’t either, so I left it in the trailer but didn’t tell my sister. This happened at the same time this was all going on.
My sister was LIVID. “I’m so glad to see that after everything, you can just turn your back on me and your family when you get your own little family. Shows me how much you care.” She told me to enjoy my new life and we haven’t spoken since.
It’s been 27 days.
My SIL (23F) told me later that my sister was talking very badly of me at our dad’s house for skipping her birthday dinner to go to my kid’s game. SIL also said that my brother (25M) defended my choice, stating that the kids come first and she would’ve done the same if it had been any of her three children.
I grew up with a parent who didn’t attend my school events or art shows or anything, and I remember growing up thinking they didn’t care enough about me to show up. I didn’t want my boy to feel that way; but was I wrong for not going?
I would have had to drive almost 200 miles back home to see an hour-long game just to turn around and drive back to my hometown to have dinner for maybe 2 hours, and then drive back that evening.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ She said she didn’t want anything like that and then got mad because you didn’t change plans for it??
That’s a very selfish mentality for her to have and she needs a timeout. I hope your son had a great game but you are NTJ. Do not second-guess yourself. Your sister will either have to figure it out for herself or continue in her sulk.
Either way, you are not at fault for having to miss last-minute plans.” Ms_Saphira
Another User Comments:
“You know, I have a birthday month, sometimes it’s a season. As an adult, you get together when you can with who you can. So next time you drive 400 miles for the roundtrip, you get lunch or tea or dinner or coffee and give her her presents.
I mean, My birthday is in October, and last year I got presents from one brother on Thanksgiving, and my BFF and I met up on Black Friday more than a month later. They didn’t love me less for our schedules not meshing up for a bit.
Such a lot of drama over such a little thing.” 2dogslife
12. AITJ For Asking My Copycat Cousin Not To Join My Movie Outing With Mom?
“Am I the jerk? So I have that one cousin, we’ll call her Nora. Nora is just a bit older than me. She doesn’t travel much. So I wanted to go next week on Wednesday to watch the new FNAF movie with my mother because I enjoy watching movies with her only, family bonding time.
We haven’t done that in a few years. And my cousin, Nora, asks her mom to go to the same city, on the very same day, to watch the same movie. Her mom would be with my mom all day if that happened, meaning that would ruin my bonding time with her.
Whenever I want or have something, Nora immediately wants the very same thing. I just want bonding time with my mother, who’s a very busy person. But Nora wants to do the absolute same things as me, I feel like she wants to steal MY life.
Whenever I get something, anything, she wants the same.
Whenever I go somewhere, in the next few days, she’s there too. Even the school I chose for myself, she wants to be in it as well. Our older brothers were in the same high school and same apartment, but they didn’t copy each other’s lives.
She wants to do anything I do, to have anything I have, it’s making me uncomfortable. Very. Her coming, would ruin my whole bonding time with my mother, because my mother’s attention would be on Nora’s mom and Nora, and I’d be ignored, like always.
Whenever I want something, she just has to ruin it. I mean, the city I wanna go to is two hours away from where we live, there are nearer places. She could go to another city, or just go another day, but no, she has to do exactly what I do.
So I confronted her about it, and she yelled at me saying that she’d do whatever she wanted and told me I’m selfish and too spoiled. She said “You can spend time with your mom anyways, I wanna go, I will go. It’s none of your business, I’ll do whatever I want.” Whatever she wants to do is always something related to what I wanna do.
I just want a life separate from my cousin. I’ve been dealing with her for 12 years straight. She comes to my house every weekend, lays on my bed as if it’s hers, and the first thing she does is watch Tiktok, she doesn’t even talk to me, she’s just here for the WiFi.
I just had to share this, to say something. I know my acts are a little selfish. Am I the jerk for asking her to not come with her mom?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It seems you have 2 issues: wanting bonding time with your mother and spending less time with Nora.
Assuming your mothers are sisters, this is going to come down to your mother understanding what you want and agreeing. So, forget about Nora and start explaining things to your mother – that you cherish private “girl time” with her, and that you need her help in limiting time with Nora.
If she’s not supportive, it’s going to be difficult to achieve your goals. If your mother is blind to this because she likes spending time with her sister, can your father speak to her on your behalf about Nora?” NGDGUnpunished
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. But this is your mother’s fault.
“Her coming, would ruin my whole bonding time with my mother, because my mother’s attention will be on Nora’s mom…” – why do you accept this as a given? Tell your mom you want her attention on you. Why isn’t it? And as far as your cousin, simply put your foot down.
Tell her she’s not invited into your room, she bothers you, and you don’t care if she understands or not. Time to stand up for yourself, OP.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It’s probably too late for this trip because the mothers will already be together that day, but in the future, I will start telling Nora fake plans.
Hopefully, your mom can keep her mouth shut and not tell her sister all the information about the actual place you’re going.” InflationAccurate332
11. AITJ For Refusing To Lend My Mother Funds Anymore?
“I (27F) have decided not to give my mother (47) any more funds anymore. She has this bad habit of not being reliable about this topic.
Almost every time she has asked me for money, she didn’t give it back to me on time, usually with tons of excuses (“It’s raining so much, I can’t go to the bank this way”, “I was busy”, “I didn’t get paid”, “My legs hurt”…).
If she says “I’ll give it back tomorrow”, then it becomes “I couldn’t do it, it’ll be on Monday”, and on Monday it will be “Next week” and so on. I feel disrespected because this hasn’t happened just once or twice, which could be true; this is the expected at this point, and I don’t think she’d be so irresponsible regarding someone else’s money if I wasn’t her daughter.
I feel like she’s taking advantage of me. And most of the time that I get my money back, it’s not the whole amount. For example, I gave her 110 euros and she gave me back 80 because “Your grandma needed money”. I mean, I’m the first one that wants to help my grandma, but at least let me know.
You have no right to give MY money without my permission, even if it happens inside the family. My mum also has this victim complex that she always uses to get what she wants. It used to work with me, and made me feel so guilty if I dared to say “no”, but not anymore.
Also, these things with my grandma aren’t new. I love her, but she’s not the most reliable one around money either. And apart from my mother, she has my aunt and uncle, and she never asks them for money. The poor one who’s always helping and over-giving is my mum.
I don’t think that’s fair. She has another daughter and a son, and she’s always using my mum with the “poor me, my other kids don’t help me” attitude (and they have reasons). My mum is well aware that my grandma takes advantage of her, and that she’s always giving and giving and putting anyone else before her, even when she can’t, in order not to disappoint anyone, but she does nothing to change this.
Like that time when she asked me for money because she promised my brothers to buy them a new videogame and she couldn’t. Nothing against video games, I play myself, but, is that an urgent reason to ask for money? They can wait, it’s not a need.
So, I’ve decided that until I don’t see real changes and compromise on her part, I won’t be giving her more money. I can advise her to stop being a people pleaser and start putting herself first and not letting my grandma manipulate her (which I’ve done), but I can’t do it for her.
AITJ for this?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Just don’t do it. Alternatively, just throw her excuses back at her. “It’s raining so much, I can’t go to the bank this way”, “I was busy”, “I didn’t get paid”, and “My legs hurt”… She’ll understand if those are real reasons not to give money to someone.” diminishingpatience
10. AITJ For Wanting To Care For My Abusive Mother From Afar While She Battles Cancer?
“I am 35f and my mother was diagnosed with breast cancer a few months ago. And has since had a mastectomy and is about to start chemo in a few days.
I’ve been staying at her house for a few weeks, cooking, cleaning, and helping with anything she needs help with.
It’s been rough on me since I’ve always lived alone and I’m starting to resent her a lot.
I’ve lived on my own since I was 16. Before the age of 16, my mother was emotionally abusive and didn’t take care of me. Her days were filled with work and nights spent arguing with my stepfather over his unfaithfulness.
My mother made it her mission in life to let me know how much she hated me, wished I was never born, and how much I messed her life up. When I moved out I moved in with my dad who was a substance user and my life was a series of events that shattered me.
But now I’ve put the pieces back together.
All of this to say that my mother was never a mother to me, even as an adult she would say things like “Make sure your life insurance is up to date, I can’t afford a funeral” or “Don’t get sick because there’s no one here to take care of you” we (meaning her and my brother) have our lives to live”.
My younger half-brother is the child she loves because he got everything and was spoiled rotten. One time I had surgery and she saw me the day of and never after that while recovering.
Now that she’s about to start chemo, she wants me there at the house 24/7 running every time she calls, catering to her every need. I work from home so my job to her isn’t a real job.
I have no privacy. She tries to control my every move from what I do with my hair to what I eat, typical mom stuff I get it, but she’s never been a mother. I’m an introvert by nature and I need time alone to get my mind right, but at her house, I can’t even be alone, I can’t shower without her barging in and, she’s always searching for my things.
Honestly, I know she’s my mother, and I want to do my duties and help her out, but I can’t stand to be near her. My brother gets off scot-free and gets to live his life and I’m stuck being a caretaker to someone I barely like.
I’m willing to pay someone to clean and cook for her and help her out a few days a week. And I see her on weekends.
Am I the jerk for wanting to love my mother and be supportive from afar instead of living with her?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Tell her you need to concentrate on your work and go home. It’s time for your brother to step up or for her to connect with services that support those going through cancer treatments. Considering your relationship with your mom, you’ve done more than enough.
Don’t let her guilt you. Protect your mental health,” Ariesinnc3017
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Escape. RUN. I am 41 and am still trapped at home with my toxic narcissist of a mother, who did/said similar things to me (with the added joy of being adopted, so she always told me I should be “grateful” she adopted me, etc.) I’m trapped. I work at the family business.
I have no privacy. Take a lesson from my life – RUN. If your mom is terminal, sure, spend time with her, but it’ll be for YOUR emotional health (so you won’t have regrets) and NOT for her. If she’s not terminal, forget her.
Your half-sibling can come to be Mommy’s servant.” PuttPuttCatButt
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I permit you to leave. I’ve been through what your mother’s been through. She is being a pain. She may need a ride to chemo. She will need someone to clean for her.
She isn’t going to feel like eating and she’s going to be nauseous. She’s going to sleep a lot. So food is going to be hit or miss. Have plenty of ginger ale on hand. Have easy things for her to eat. Go with her to her oncology appointment and get suggestions.
Unless they specify that she needs someone to stay with her, for your mental health, please don’t.” Jeweler-Medical
9. AITJ For Not Wanting My Mom To Visit Me After A Cat Bite Incident?
“Last week I was bitten by a cat at a shelter where I volunteer. The bite was on the fleshy part under my thumb and I had tried squeezing out the wound as much as I could, then treated with antibac ointment.
I ended up waiting about 6 hrs before seeking treatment because by then I couldn’t move my fingers without excruciating pain. The ER gave me an oral antibiotic and sent me on my way.
The next day, I took off work because I was still in intense pain and unable to type on a keyboard.
I went to the pharmacy to pick up my prescriptions and I went straight back home. I had just taken photos of my hand and sent them to my Mom and partner (25m), both of which realized that I had a red streak moving up my arm and called me to say I had to go back to the ER.
I was admitted into observation and discharged the next afternoon.
This is where I may be the jerk: Mom was calling me constantly to make sure I was okay. This was fine until she asked where she could stay. I said she couldn’t stay in the hospital because visitor hours end at 8 pm and she couldn’t stay in my apartment because I had the only set of keys.
She was of course upset that I said this, but understood the circumstances.
Once I said I would be discharged the next day, she began saying how she was all packed to come down and take care of me. Something worth mentioning is how I have been in therapy for two years for mental illness and some emotional mistreatment growing up.
I had tried to be nice saying “I will be fine to take care of myself, I can still stand up and walk around. Please don’t worry about me. The nurses are feeling confident about my recovery.” She wouldn’t take the hint, so I said “I will be just fine without you, this will be all over soon.” We ended up arguing that I didn’t respect her as a parent since she wouldn’t be okay without checking up on me and she doesn’t respect me as a person because I had told her “no.”
I had been fine enough to drive, so I saw no reason for why I should have someone come take care of me; especially when it’s my overbearing mother. Now she is upset with me and making small quips about how she could’ve just visited if I had let her.
I’m feeling guilty. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Initially, I would’ve thought she had good intentions but this: > I didn’t respect her as a parent since she wouldn’t be okay without checking up on me That’s manipulative and exhibits the truth: it’s not about you and what you need, it’s about her and what she needs (in this case, she needs to see you and verify you are okay, for her peace of mind, so whether you need her visit or welcome her presence is secondary).
Your therapy worked, you did a wonderful job establishing and maintaining your boundaries even in a stressful and mildly vulnerable moment. Go you!” Jolly_Tooth_7274
Another User Comments:
“Ntj respect goes two ways. Not listening to you when you made it clear you did not need help was very disrespectful to you.
Her causing you stress when you were in the hospital is inexcusable. Her need to check on you is her issue to deal with not yours. If she wants respect from you she has to respect you. Don’t back down or she will learn she can walk all over you.” Ok-Squash5826
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Your mom is trying to manipulate you and guilt you into doing what she wants. You didn’t ask her to come because you don’t need her there. The fact that she can’t respect your “no” is all the more reason to make sure you have firm boundaries with her.” Live-Pomegranate4840
8. AITJ For Not Wanting My Younger Sister To Visit Because She Isn't As Independent As My Other Sister Was?
“My mom has been pressuring me (37f) lately to have my younger sister, Heidi (16f) visit my wife and me. She says Heidi has been pushing for it, especially because I live close to NYC and she wants to see more of the art scene.
I’ve been trying to politely avoid the subject and have just said that she’s too young, but they won’t let it go. Now they’re throwing in my face that I didn’t think my other sister, Dawn, was too young when I was taking her for summers, and she was almost a year younger when that started.
I don’t see it the same way. Yes, Dawn was almost a year younger when I was taking her for entire summers, but it was a completely different situation. For one, when she was 15, I was 19. When Heidi was born, I was 22. Dawn is and was my peer, not someone who could easily be my child.
Two, the situation was completely different. I was taking her for entire summers because unlike Heidi, Dawn and I didn’t have parents. We had a stepdad who demanded that we be as invisible as possible (a different guy) and a mom who was completely on board with that, which meant that the entire expectations around it were different.
Also, as much as I don’t want to act like 2004 was a different world, it kind of was, and there were specific subculture things that made it even more of a different situation. Three, maybe because of who we are, maybe because of the world and what was happening at home, but Dawn at 15 was so much more independent and self-possessed than Heidi is at 16.
Dawn was running around the country with paper maps, a flip phone, and dreams with no issues. I saw Heidi stutter trying to order at McDonald’s two months ago.
Dawn didn’t spend her life expecting me to hold her hand through so much as the mall while Mommy and Daddy called me every two hours to check-in.
We were peers who could still both live our lives and just hang out, and it didn’t come with extra intrusions. So yeah, I was a lot more okay with having Dawn with me for summers when I was in college and now don’t even want Heidi coming to visit me alone for even a week.
I’d like it to be different, but it’s just not the same thing.
Now my mom is mad at me for treating my sisters differently. She’s crying that I don’t love Heidi the same as Dawn, that I’m not giving them equal opportunities and punishing her for not being born earlier.
I don’t think I’m in the wrong here. I think that the time has just passed and unfortunately, we are just going to have a different relationship.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You’ve changed, you’re at a different stage of life now (you’ve lived almost twice as long now!), and you don’t have the same relationship with Heidi that you had/have with Dawn.
Your mother can’t compare the two. Perhaps your mother is in desperate need of a break and had already promised this to Heidi, and frustration got the best of her. But it’s still not okay for her to guilt you or be mad at you.” embopbopbopdoowop
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but uh, you’ve come down hard on Heidi here and I don’t think she deserves it. Don’t take her for a break, by all means, but don’t judge her for being more timid than your sister. You make fun of her stuttering, for pity’s sake.
I can almost guarantee that her home life isn’t great, even if it’s neglectful in a different way. ‘Mommy’s and daddy’ calling every two hours sounds suffocating. Your mum is the issue here. You don’t have to treat Heidi the same, you don’t have to love her the same (sad though that is), just be kind.” NiceButton7
Another User Comments:
“NTJ I am super outgoing and grew up in a rough neighborhood as a latchkey kid. My sister could barely order from a stranger who was a waiter in a restaurant and lived with our parents until she was like 24. I love my sister but we’re almost 20 years apart and I swear my stepmom died with the umbilical cord still attached. My sister is 26 now and learning some stuff, but at 16 I wouldn’t send her to the grocery store for bread and milk.
I love her, but no. Also, to be clear, you sound like an AirBnB in this scenario and nothing more.” Tomboyish717
7. AITJ For Disliking My Mom's Partner and Wanting Them to Break Up?
“My parents split when I was young, and they stayed friends after they split.
My mom has seen a handful of men since they split, but my brother(19m) and I have never really liked them too much.
Mom has been seeing her current partner “Joe” for almost 3 years now. Joe is one of the better partners that Mom has had, but he’s not the best. He doesn’t treat Mom as well as my brother, and I think she should be treated. Joe moved into our house only a few months into their relationship because he could not afford the apartment that he was living in.
Ever since Joe moved into our house Mom has made him pay rent (about ⅓ of the property tax), there have been MANY months where he hasn’t paid rent or even his phone bill (he makes the most money in the house per month).
My brother and I cannot joke around with Joe.
He takes any joke as a personal attack (our family jokes around a lot). Joe also purposefully starts fights with Mom over nothing (making lasagna when he’s gone for work).
Joe is a VERY picky eater, the only “vegetable” he will eat is corn( specifically cream corn).
We have changed the meals we eat at least once a month to different meals just so Joe will eat supper. He is also very against trying new foods(we love trying new foods in our house)
Joe purposefully creates situations where mom has to pick between him or my brother and me.
He also does not like when mom talks to my brother and me “too much”. On weekends Joe will get up before sunrise just to go to the couch and fall back asleep to use the TV (there’s one in mom’s room that he can use, but we can’t use it because he feels uncomfortable with us being in there)
Joe is also constantly complaining to Mom that there is not enough privacy for him and he wants more( he’s the one living in our house) there have also been a few times when he has been caught talking to other women. Joe also has accused Mom of being unfaithful to him MANY times.
He also hates that Mom still talks to Dad from time to time( she mostly only talks to him for something related to my brother or me). My mom has told me that she is pretty much only with Joe still because she doesn’t want to die single.
So am I the jerk for disliking Joe, I’ve been thinking about confronting my mom about wanting them to break up. Some of my friends that know this have said that I am a jerk for thinking this, but I don’t think so.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You should try to create an opportunity to talk with your Mom and let her know your concerns for her. Suggest that she go to counseling to work on self-love, setting boundaries, being assertive, etc. Tell your Mom that you love her and you want her to live her best life and you don’t think she can do that with Joe.” Raku2015
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Guy sounds like he is… not that great. This is pretty common for moms to get with another dude who is not that awesome (and dads too) just to have a companion. Can you live with Dad instead? Have a chat with your mom about being careful if she decides to choose Joe over her boys.
You two will be there forever and Joe may not… but I don’t think she’ll respond well” Innerouterself2
Another User Comments:
“You are almost an adult, if you dislike your mom’s partner then just move out, go to college, find a job, find a partner that you like, and create a family.
You don’t have to like anyone, even your family members. Many people can’t be alone and need someone so they don’t die alone, the biggest problem is that these people rarely will stick with them till they die but just use them while it is convenient, like not paying rent, etc. You could tell your mom that she has you and you will never leave her, but if she stays with her current partner that you have no relationship and dislike then you will leave and might not never come back because you want to create your own family.” forgeris
6. AITJ For Returning A Gifted Signed Book To The Original Owner?
“Over a decade ago I was unceremoniously let go from my place of employment after 11 years for something really stupid. The result was being unemployed for 4 months. I was living paycheck to paycheck, so I was extremely worried that I’d lose my home if I couldn’t find a job fast. Thankfully I managed to find the job I’m currently at and I couldn’t be happier.
During those 4 months of unemployment, I was gifted a book from one of my friends. It was signed by the author (one of the most popular horror novelists of all time, I’m sure you can surmise who I’m talking about), who is one of her all-time favorites.
She met him in person to get the book signed. The idea behind the gift was that I could sell it if I found myself in a financial bind. I felt bad that she was parting with this prized item to help me out, but she insisted I take it.
I did. Thankfully I found employment not long after that and I didn’t need to sell the book, but I did forget about its existence once I started the new job.
Flash forward 12 years and I’m downsizing the things I collect and come across the gifted book.
I’m still close friends with the gifter and her husband, so I decided to surprise her and give the book back. We all met up to see a movie and when it was over I said I had a surprise for her and handed her back the book.
She looked at it like it was a bag of poop or something and her demeanor immediately changed. She asked why I was giving it back and I told her the reasons I described above, and that I felt that keeping it wouldn’t feel right to me once I realized I still had it.
She tossed it in her car and gave me a sarcastic “thanks” before they left to return home.
That was last year. Ever since then whenever we meet up I feel she kind of ignores me and when we interact there is a tinge of snark from her in the conversations.
We see each other often and it’s started to bother me as, like I said earlier, we are close friends and I’m wondering if giving back the book was a bad idea. It had the opposite effect I expected. I thought she’d be excited that I didn’t sell it off and that she’d be able to add it back to her collection.
I don’t want to bring it up with her because it is something that upsets her, and the last thing I want is a close friend mad at me.
So I’m wondering AITJ for returning the book to its rightful owner?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
You gave it back with honest intentions. She misunderstood. Sometimes that happens. Since she’s a good friend, I do think it’s worth sending her a message or card, saying basically what you’ve said here – that you gave it back as a sign of how much you appreciated the original gift, that it meant a lot to you that she gave it to you at such a rough time, and how you might not be in such a good place now without the support of good friends like her through the rough patches – and you hope you can return to the friendly relationship you had previously.” Te_Whau
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here, but I think it was more HOW you gave it back to her. You could have said “I’m downsizing, and I came across this book. While it means a lot to me that you gave it to me, unfortunately, I no longer have space for it.
But I didn’t want to get rid of it without offering it to you first. I know you went through so much effort to get it signed. Would you like to have it back?” FuzzyMom2005
5. AITJ For Speaking Russian In English Class After Unfair Seat Change?
“I genuinely wanted to be able to share my concerns since I am still startled by my teacher’s behavior. Both my friend and I speak Russian.
The situation occurred about 2 weeks ago, in October 2023, when my friend and I walked into English class while the passing period was still in effect.
There were not many people in class, so my friend and I went to our seats until I noticed someone sitting in my seat. My teacher said that she had changed my seat because someone couldn’t see the board. My seat was in the back, so I honestly didn’t understand why my seat was changed, this was the only class where I could see my friend because we didn’t have courses together other than English, so I was clearly frustrated. My friend and I were not noisy, and we would instantly stop talking when the teacher began speaking, we always turned in our work on time.
We had no issues, and now she’s relocated me. Even better since the guy she moved sat to the right of me but my teacher decided to move me to the farthest corner of the room. Because Russian is my first language and comfort language, I naturally begin speaking it when I am distressed or unhappy.
So there I am, speaking Russian with my friend, voicing to her how unfair the seat change was, trying to laugh it off.
Clearly, my teacher took note of this as both my friend and I were speaking a different language now rather than English as I go to my seat across the room.
The next day, as soon as the 5th-period class begins, I am called to an office where my English teacher and guidance counselor meet me. I was the only one called in, not my friend, just me. My English teacher then mentioned how my guidance counselor would be present to observe the conversation.
She begins to describe how hearing me speak Russian in her class made her feel threatened, attacked, and violated. Now hearing this I completely froze. My guidance counselor just looked at me and started saying how I am not in trouble, saying how my English teacher could have escalated this situation and talked to the deans about this and could have gotten my parents involved. After that, I decided to ask my friend whether she had been sent to the office by our English teacher, to which she said no.
So I gave her the entire story about what occurred in the office, and she absolutely turned red, she was enraged. All of my other friends were furious too, they said that our English teacher was discriminating against me since I was speaking Russian. Our school’s motto has the word “equality” in it, but clearly it’s not the case.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ I’m sorry your teacher feels “threatened and attacked” by hearing a language she doesn’t speak. That makes her pretty ridiculous, and also the jerk here. That said, talking in class is disruptive. Nobody else wants to hear your chat – they want to participate in the class.
Your seat could have been changed for all kinds of reasons, and it probably wasn’t about you. Often, teachers will move people because there’s some personal issue between two students, and they’ll swap one of the students with someone else. Perhaps you’re someone else. Or someone needs to sit near the board for some accommodation or something, and other people get shuffled around to make space.
Frankly, if I was the teacher, and you and your friend spent my class chatting to each other, then I’d move you apart, regardless of what language you were chatting in.” _mmiggs_
Another User Comments:
“Everyone’s a jerk here. You are not a jerk for speaking Russian/Ukrainian.
There is nothing wrong with being able to speak two languages and choosing to have a conversation. However, I don’t think it matters what language you’re speaking. Unless you’re being given group work to do, you shouldn’t be talking in class to someone else.
If you’re having full-blown conversations with a classmate, then you’re distracting the people around you. I personally find it really distracting when someone is talking, even if the teacher isn’t. It’s really hard to pay attention for some people and I think politeness dictates you don’t talk at all in class unless it’s something to do with work.
Or at least don’t talk enough to have a full-blown conversation in another language that people picked up on and asked you not to. That being said, your teacher, feeling threatened by your speaking, Russian is overly dramatic and truly the villain of the story.
There is nothing wrong with the language.” TriviaHag
Another User Comments:
“Everyone’s a jerk here While the teacher overreacted, it is reasonable that the teacher expects you to speak in English during class so that she can monitor behavior, or for the teacher to expect you just not to talk with friends during class time.
If you’re speaking another language the teacher can’t speak, she can’t monitor what’s going on.” thirdtryisthecharm
4. AITJ For Inviting My Dad's New Partner To Our Family Christmas Gathering?
“My parents divorced when I was in my late teens and my sister in high school. Dad had jumped ship and set up with a ready-made family.
By ready-made, I mean the one he kept secret for several years. Including 2 children.
Because of other previous family politics worthy of Jeremy Kyle (for US peeps, think Jerry Springer) episodes, I personally have never had Christmas with Dad in the last 20 years. So earlier this year, I proposed that everyone (13 adults, 4 teens/kids) get together this year and we have one big ‘family’ Christmas as well as celebrating 4 big birthdays that are happening either side of the holiday season.
Much to my surprise, everyone agreed and so the accommodation has been booked and paid for, for the last 4ish months, lodges allocated accordingly to mitigate needing police intervention, gift lists posted, food arranged, etc. Costs had been split equally per person.
This all sounds great doesn’t it?
Well, it was until Dad asked a question.
Please can he bring his new partner to stay with us all over Christmas? Who he had been seeing for only 1 week prior to asking. Being the good son I am, and because I am now immune to anything considered unconventional regarding families, I said yes – providing he tells both Mother and Step-mum as well as the half-siblings ASAP.
It’s taken a month for him to build up the courage to do it, but he managed to speak to the mothers this morning and now my WhatsApp has been lit by Step-mum, my sister, and my half-brother all demanding to know why I thought it was okay to say yes and I have a voicemail from Mother which I dare not listen to as no doubt that will be more of the same.
My husband’s parents think it’s a hoot and have ordered popcorn accordingly. His brother and his wife are questioning their decision to give up Lapland to join us this year. Step-mum is refusing to come now, as is my sister and her family and I am 95% certain that my half-brother will refuse to come too.
I’ve pointed out that we can’t get a refund for everything as it is now too late, to which I’ve been told and/or Dad needs to reimburse them as this is our/his fault.
I want to tell Dad that the new partner can’t come.
If I retract the invitation, I am aware that Dad will then mope like a teenager. But otherwise, the whole thing will fall apart, and this was supposed to be a Christmas I could spend with Dad without all the other politics from the last 20 years as everyone had, until now, been acting like the adults we’re supposed to be.
Would I be the jerk by telling Dad his partner can’t come now?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ You knew this was not a smart idea, and instead of telling your Dad, you said, fine, just tell everyone. You knew the answer but you didn’t want to tell your father no. At the least, you could have told him you would check with the family and see how they felt, but NO. You created this monster by not addressing the issue immediately.
GF should never have been allowed in light of the “politics” and a 1 week relationship coming to a multi-level and explosive familiar situation is CRAZY. Especially because it seems your dad is the MAIN culprit in infidelity and relationships. It’s a nice try on the family get-together, but you let the fox run the chicken coup, and it’s all on you.” catskilkid
Another User Comments:
“Lmao this one is gold. YTJ. The fact that the stepmother and your bio mom are cool with having Christmas together is already amazing. You now want to accommodate your unfaithful father and let him bring his new partner around for a holiday with the family?
Your husband’s family is right to get the popcorn and you really did not think this through. Tell your dad absolutely not, apologize to everyone, and try to salvage the situation. If your dad does not like it, oh well!” caucasian88
Another User Comments:
“NTJ to rescind the invite YTJ for creating the situation though.
You knew this was going to be the reaction that they would explode like this, which is why you put it on your dad to tell them. Let it be a lesson learned in the future if something like this happens it’s not “sure she can come but you tell everyone” it’s “If you get approval FROM everyone she can come”.
Your dad can mope like a teen for the holidays if need be, it’s not about him it’s about his children and them having their parents and siblings with them for their birthdays and holidays. If he cannot put them first and follow through then don’t just disinvite the partner, disinvite the father as well.” North_Cantaloupe_470
3. AITJ For Planning a Trip Over Our Wedding Anniversary?
“I (31F) am planning to go visit my sister (34F) in about a week and a half, she’s in Toronto Canada. I’m flying out on the 28th and I’ll be gone for 12 days, returning on Nov 9th. Mine and my husband’s (49M) wedding anniversary is on Nov 1st, so I’ll be up with my sister.
My husband has been saying to me recently(as in the last 3 days) how he can’t believe that I would do such a thing and take a vacation and go 3000 miles away on the day we got married. He keeps saying how I ripped his heart out and that I’m being a mean person.
Except when I was originally talking to him about taking a trip, we also started talking about what to do for our anniversary. He says the usual thing about how he doesn’t care about anniversaries, and how I should know he doesn’t like to “celebrate” them and only women care about stupid stuff like that.
Also, I have ADHD and I am not great at remembering a lot of dates, and he always confuses me with the date by saying the wrong one (he ALWAYS says 11/11, not 11/1).
So when my sister (who paid for my entire trip) booked my flight, I made sure to be home before the 11th so we could be together for our anniversary, even if we weren’t doing anything.
And I didn’t realize until weeks later about the date confusion. By then, my 6-year-old nephew was already super excited that I was coming for Halloween, and I had taken the time off of work (which is hard to do since I’m a hairstylist), and the tickets are not refundable.
And I figured that since he didn’t care about our anniversary, it would be fine. Especially since it took a lot of convincing for him to do something on our “relationship” anniversary on 9/9 (he slept through most of it, and I had to drag him out to dinner.
He wanted to doordash it). I told him the dates of when I was leaving and coming home over 2 months ago and he was 100% on board (I showed him what I marked off on the calendar), so it’s not like I sprung the dates on him.
I’ve been talking about this trip and how excited I am since then. And now he’s refusing to drop me off at the airport.
AITJ here?”
Another User Comments:
“So, tell me exactly what you get out of this marriage. He sounds insufferable.
You pay the bills. You clean the house. You are the caretaker… he is a freeloader and he is dead weight. Sis, you could have almost any man out there – why are you staying with the freeloader? NTJ. Go on this vacation and while there do some life-choice reevaluation.
I think you could do so much better and I think you know it.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“Sounds like a sad relationship. You describe him as an unemployed useless loser. What was the appeal to find an older man who wants you to play his mommy??
But anyways, YTJ, because all the excuses make it clear that you knew that you were booking this trip knowing it was over your anniversary, and you were just banking on him either not noticing or not caring.” AgitatedDot9313
2. AITJ For Choosing To Attend A Halloween Party Over My Dad's Birthday Camping Trip?
“I (18F) haven’t been having the best relationship with my father (49M) lately.
He has been treating me as if I’m the bane of his existence; getting irritated and mad at me for small things. When I try to talk to him about it, he never apologizes and excuses his behavior for my brother never hanging out with us.
It’s always me who apologizes in the end.
My father’s birthday is coming up, and he wanted to go camping on the public holiday coming up. However, I have exams that week, so I told him I couldn’t go because of them, and that I needed to focus on studying.
My dad threw a fit because it’s for his birthday and he’s upset that I can’t go. He eventually decided to let me stay home for that long weekend so I could study.
But then my friend decided to have a Halloween party that weekend.
My friend lives fairly close to my house as we live in the same small town. It’s a 30-minute walk to get there, but my friend offered to pick me up and drop me off when it’s over.
My partner (17NB) is also invited to this party, but the party ends at 11 pm, and due to living around the other side of our state’s second biggest city (my town lives on one side their town lives on the other), my partner asked if it was okay to stay at my house for the night and leave in the morning, going on the train back home.
I thought this would be all okay since this was a 4-day weekend, it would only be one day without studying (or I could just study before the party), and the party wasn’t going to involve substances. But after talking to my father about it, and said no, and that me getting driven to a party and then dropped back off would be like me riding out to sea, my motor getting damaged on the way, and being unable to get help.
I believe this is an exaggeration, as it’s not like being picked up and dropped back home after a party in the same small town with my partner would get me badly injured. It’s not like I’m going to be leaving the house unlocked either, as I have my keys to the house.
This caused a fight between me in my dad, as my dad got upset just by even asking the question. In the end, my dad threw another fit, saying that I ruined his birthday. I told him that it wasn’t a good idea to go on vacation whilst I had exams to do, to begin with, but he just told me to get out.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Eh. Your dad’s comments seem overly cautious based on the limited information we have here, but looking at it from his perspective, I wonder if the real issue is that you’ve told him you won’t take a holiday with him — to celebrate his birthday — because you have to study, and then you turn around and show yourself willing to blow off this important studying for something else you want to do that weekend.
I can see how he’d feel hurt. And it doesn’t sound like you’ve acknowledged that to him.” Dazzling-Impact5571
Another User Comments:
“ESH reading through the angst your dad wanted to go away for his birthday and you said no. Then you tell him that you want to go to a party that night instead of studying like you said you needed to.
On top of that, you want your partner to spend the night while no one else is home. You say that there aren’t going to be substances but he can’t exactly confirm that. I might end up changing my answer but you are acting like a brat.” [deleted]
1. AITJ For Wanting to Join a DnD Group With All Girls?
“So me and my partner(now fiance) have been seeing each other for over 2 years and she knows I’m quite nerdy with some things.
One of those things is dungeons and dragons. Sadly due to my work schedule, I haven’t been able to play almost at all. The few times I’ve been able to play for short sessions that were hosted by, planned by, or consisted of only my family.
She came with me to all of them to try the game out and she found it boring and dumb.
So a few months ago I got invited to join a campaign. The invite came from people that I was friends with all through high school and I was excited and I told them I would love to join.
I did not consult her because I got the text late at night around 1 am after I got off work. We do not live together and I didn’t think it was a big deal. It was. She got really mad because the dnd group consisted of all the girls.
(one of them I’m not sure but haven’t asked) she was adamant that I could not go and that she was not ok with it. We talked and fought off and on for a few weeks before we came to a compromise that I could go but at least the first time had to be over Facetime.
Due to unavoidable circumstances, I wasn’t able to go to the first 2 sessions I was invited to. When the 3rd session came around I was able to join over the phone but only for an hour or so. And in the 4th session, I finally got to stay on the call for the full session.
(We were playing once every 2 weeks on Sunday nights due to people’s work schedules.)
Then our DM got a better job but had to work weekends but has Wednesdays and Thursdays off. Due to many scheduling problems, we are taking a 6-week break before one of our members finishes classes and then we should all be able to play Wednesday or Thursday mornings.
But my partner is once again adamant that I can’t go. (we usually spend every morning before I have to go to work together) she is using the same arguments as before saying she trusts me but doesn’t trust them.
AITJ for wanting to go and not seeing a problem?
From my point of view if she trusts me then I feel like she should trust me not to do anything to betray that trust at dnd. She feels like they might try something with me.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Unless one of the girls in your dnd group has some sort of history with you that you’re omitting from this story, your partner is being too overbearing.
Strong relationships are built on trust, so if she can’t trust that you won’t be unfaithful to her via DND, then the relationship isn’t very strong. I hate the “I’m not worried about you, I’m worried about them” excuse. Even if all of the people in your group were flirty with you and wanted to get with you, she should trust you enough to shut that all down.
I advise you to try finding common interests that you can bond with your partner through. It doesn’t sound like you two do anything specific together that makes both of you feel excited and interested. If you don’t have any common interests, then reconsider the relationship.
She’s supposed to feel like your best friend, not an obligation.” biennium
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your partner doesn’t get to decide who your friends are. This is controlling behavior and it’s not healthy or fair to you. The fact that she doesn’t trust YOU to be around other women in any capacity is a big jerk move that needs to be dealt with.” BetweenWeebandOtaku
Another User Comments:
“YTJ You are making your partner uncomfortable and putting yourself into a position where you are MUCH more likely to be unfaithful. Multiple women, with the same passion, regular occasions. I mean I am totally on her side. Sorry bro.” CapableAioli5862
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