People Long To Be Enlightened About Their "Am I The Jerk" Stories
21. AITJ For Not Telling An Employee's Schedule To A Customer?
“I (M32) run a small shop and have one employee (25F). We are basically here by ourselves for the whole day when we work as it’s about a 10-hour shift. We have quite a few regulars who know us through the shop.
A few days ago a lady (Upper 50s?
F) I had seen once, maybe twice, came in and was disappointed my employee was not there that day (despite her never having worked on this day and having the same schedule since she was hired in October). The customer then asked me what days and hours my employee works which I responded ‘I am really not at liberty to disclose my employee’s schedule’.
She was immediately upset and quite adamant that it was unprofessional of me to deny her request and cited how she’d worked at a large company where she would have been fired for refusing to disclose such information to a customer. I think it is a safety concern to discuss my employee’s comings and going from the store with a person who is, by all rights, a complete stranger.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Giving out employee schedules has gotten people killed. And the customer was acting weird.
She could have left a note for your employee. Or asked you to relay a message. Or waited until she saw the employee working again. But she didn’t do that.
She didn’t even give a reason why she wanted to see the girl! She just started yelling and insisting she could run your business better.
I think your gut was right. Good for you for protecting your employee.
But check in with her during her next shift to make sure this customer hasn’t been harassing her.” gottaloveagoodbook
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
I would be rather alarmed. Forget that it’s a woman in her 50s, imagine if it was a man in his 50s demanding and reacting like this.
No mentally sound person demands to know when a person is working because they want to encounter them and then snaps when they don’t get that information.
There’s no difference just because it’s a woman doing it. I would warn your employee and talk to her about this if I were you.
You don’t know what intentions this lady has, and it could be a safety risk if she indeed finds your employee working alone one day.” Roux_Harbour
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I think I remember specifically being trained NOT to give out personal information about other coworkers at my job at a large, corporate-controlled chain fast food restaurant. Her claim that that would be a fireable offense is nonsense.
Sure, this person could be her mother, or a friend, or just a friendly local hoping to catch your coworker for a lovely chat.
But this person could also be a stalker, abusive parent, abusive ex, etc. You don’t know.
You did perfectly. Any questions about a coworker – either ‘I don’t know’ or ‘I am not at liberty to say’, or ‘let me check if there’s someone here by that name’ and let your coworker know that someone of X description was asking after them so that THEY can reach out – and if they don’t want to be contacted, then ‘I am sorry, but I don’t know that anyone by that name works here’.” whozitsandwhatsits
20. AITJ For Telling My Fiancé Not To Offer To Pay The Bill?
“My fiancé is the type of person who will always pay for everybody. The only time he doesn’t offer is when his parents invite us for dinner. I wouldn’t normally ask him not to but during a previous dinner, my stepsister’s husband made a big deal over my fiancé paying the bill before he could offer.
So this time I decided to tell my fiancé not to even offer to pay since her husband was so desperate to pay the last time. I could see my fiancé felt bad so I made us leave early because I knew when it came down to it, he wouldn’t be able to help himself and he would offer to pay.
My stepsisters have been complaining about us leaving without paying our share since my stepdad made a comment that made my stepsister’s husband feel like he had no choice but to pay the bill. They expect me to pay her husband back but I’ve been ignoring them for now.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. The dance about who’s picking up the check is a time-honored tradition that some people get really into. Especially among certain types of men, it’s a huge deal. My dad has been known to call the restaurant up in advance and give them his credit card number in hopes of beating everyone else to the bill and winning the honor of paying it.
You undercut the check dance and made it look like you’re not putting in your fair share and also prevented your fiancé from beating his chest to his future brother-in-law.
Leaving without even offering to pay is a jerk move. If you don’t want to participate in the check dance, you don’t have to, but don’t keep your fiancé from doing it.” User
Another User Comments:
“Soft ‘everyone sucks here’ I think. You meant well but ultimately did pull a dine-and-dash so at least paying him for your share would be the right thing to do since it sounds like there was no pre-discussion about splitting the bill.
Your BIL I think was attempting to seem generous and wealthy when he knew he wasn’t actually going to pay, but when you forced the opportunity on him he had to admit he couldn’t actually pay for everyone and needed help. This of course would be humiliating for stepsister and her husband, and it’s not surprising her dad backed her.” i_am_the_ginger
Another User Comments:
“YTJ, you decided what your family members were going to think and feel at the end of the meal and thinking what your fiance might do. All you needed to do was ask your fiance to give other people a chance to pay if they seemed inclined to do so.
Instead, based on your imagined ideas of what other people were going to do, or say you contrived a situation where you made you and your fiance leave early, which then caused drama with your family by running off and leaving them to pay your bill and acting in a very rude way.
Girl, you need to stay out of other people’s heads and stay in your own head. Start thinking logically about your own behavior and stop trying to people please. ‘Oh, they must think that they must think this, so I must stop other people from doing such and such.
Caring about what other people think beyond yourself lies in disaster. Maybe get some therapy.” NovelRemarkable7136
19. AITJ For Kicking My Mother Out Of My Home?
“My wife has two sons with her ex-husband (13 & 17), I have two daughters with my ex-wife (10 & 12), and together we have an almost two-year-old son together. All our kids get along well, and we have a good relationship with each other’s children.
My parents are very doting grandparents to my 3 bio kids but have always been standoffish with my stepsons. There have been lots of little things over the years that have shown how little they care for them. They have never once bought them a birthday present (my wife’s parents get my daughter’s gifts) and at Christmas, they are always given the most pathetic/cheap gift. It’s not always bad as there have been times when, my dad, in particular, has been good at engaging with them.
In November he came with me and the boys to watch a football game and go out for lunch and everybody had a great time.
Last week my mom stayed with us as it was my daughter’s 10th birthday. She stayed in the 17-year-old’s room and he slept on an air mattress in his brother’s room.
Not only did she never think to thank him, but she also tried banning him from going in the room at all when he occasionally needed to. One morning he knocked on the door to ask if he could go in to grab his sneakers and she said no and wouldn’t even pass them to him.
I had to intervene and get them myself. Despite this, he was nothing but polite to her face. If I listed every passive-aggressive thing she said/did to the boys during her stay it would make this post too long.
On Friday, the 13-year-old and toddler were playing outside with a basketball.
At one point 13-year-old threw the ball a little too hard at his brother and knocked him over. My mom had been outside and saw what happened and started to berate the 13-year-old and grab him hard by the arm. When his mom came outside to see why the baby was crying my mom continued to say foul things about my stepson and called him an awful brother and dangerous to her grandson.
When stepson told his mom what he had accidentally done, my mom started raving about him doing it on purpose.
When I got home my stepson was sulking in his room. My wife had told me what had happened, so I went to see him, and we talked. He vented about how my mom had made him feel the whole week and asked me why she hated him and his brother.
This made me angry and after talking with my wife, I decided to ask my mom to leave and told her she wouldn’t be welcome back until she corrected her attitude toward my stepsons. Of course, she didn’t take this well and after she argued with me for over an hour she left. Later I got a call from my dad who was livid, he wouldn’t let me explain myself, so I hung up.
I feel I did the right thing to protect my stepsons, but my siblings are also upset with me. They think I am a jerk for treating our mom badly and overreacting. Even my wife thinks we shouldn’t have kicked her out but instead talked to her and given her a chance to change her behavior.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ because you finally took action to stop her behavior, but you’re trending on the side based on this continuing for years without response.
If you back down, you will be a jerk because this is purely nonsense behavior you’ve overlooked for far too long.
Your bar for your dad being a good companion on an outing is such an underwhelming standard. You knew your mom was heinous and an while a guest in your son’s room before she laid a finger on your other son or maligned his character and integrity.
You need to reckon with the damage here, the kids witnessed so much favoritism and ostracizing from your family, they know good and well how little love your family has for them.” wildferalfun
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Your first priority are those kids. And, as I think anyone with children can attest to, you’re not always going to see eye to eye with family and friends about your parenting choices.
They deserve to feel safe and loved in their home. You made a tough call for the sake of their well-being.
It sounds like your parents have treated your sons pretty poorly. I think you made the right call.” sambot02
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Her behavior was appalling.
She repeatedly did things that were mean.
You did the right thing. Your children know that you are fair, and will protect them, all of them. Your mother knows that you won’t let her attack your stepchildren, or let her control things in your home.
You didn’t treat your mother badly. You told her that her behavior was not acceptable and that you weren’t going to allow her to mistreat your children in your home, so the visit was over. Reasonable. Protected the kids from someone who was repeatedly hurting some of them.
Discussing it wouldn’t have worked. Would you and your wife have been able to supervise her every minute that the kids were awake, to correct each and every new attempt to mistreat the kids? Of course not. The priority was to protect the kids, not to make your mother feel better about being caught being mean to children.
You did the right thing. It’s reasonable to not let her visit again until she gets therapy and learns how to see what she did that was wrong. Until she can admit her behaviors were wrong, there’s no point in discussing this with her. She should already know what she did wrong if she’s capable of seeing it.
All that petty cruelty is still cruel. Her behavior, and her attitude, should change before she’s allowed around any of the children again. She should apologize, a real apology, with remorse, with showing that she knows what she did wrong and that it was wrong to do.
And without blaming others for her cruel choices to hurt children.
You did the right thing. These other people are blaming you, instead of holding your mother accountable for her choice to behave badly to children. They should all be ashamed of themselves, for not holding her accountable.
You didn’t overreact at all. You did the job of being a good parent. You protected the children from someone who was behaving in ways that are manipulative and heading towards emotional mistreatment.” blueberryyogurtcup
18. AITJ For Telling My Father-In-Law To Get Out Of My House?
“I (28M) have been married to Lia (28F) for 3 years but we’ve been together for 7.
Lia had been diagnosed with insomnia before we were together, I was genuinely baffled to know she would only really sleep 1/2 hours, or sometimes not at all. She tells me not to worry about it, but sometimes I can’t help it when I randomly wake up at say 4 am to turn and see she’s still awake just staring at the ceiling.
She used to take medication for it, but it had some side effects so she stopped.
My FIL (58), I think he should just be called Mr. Sperm donor since he did nothing to earn the title of ‘father’, left MIL (54) when my wife was 7 handing all rights, no child support, no visits, no nothing, just left without saying a word at night.
She was so devastated that she, a 7-year-old would email him every day for 3 months asking him to come back, and of course, he never replied.
2 years ago, he contacts Lia and guilt trips her saying he failed as a father, he wanted more experience, and that he needs since he lost his job.
Lia has a good-paying job so gives him 3k, and wanted to rekindle their relationship, I was hesitant, but she said that he apologized and she now has a chance to have her father back.
A week ago, he calls saying his new job required a trip to the city that we live in for 4 days, and to make ‘accommodations’ in our home for him, she happily complies.
Context, he is a real health freak, exercises every single day, does yoga very early in the morning, that kind of stuff, he knows about her insomnia.
On 3rd day he was here, Lia slept longer than she did usually, sleeping from 8 am to 2 pm.
It sounds bad but it’s a big progress for her. Usually, on days when she sleeps like that, I let her sleep because she will sleep in for a long time, kind of making up for the loss.
He asks where Lia is, I tell him that she’s sleeping, and this man runs up the stairs and starts loudly knocking on the door and shouting at her to wake up.
I explain everything to him and ask him to let her sleep. He tells me it’s not healthy and she shouldn’t be sleeping in this late, I direct him downstairs and repeat everything I said in the last paragraph also adding that her doctor also encourages it, he doesn’t budge, starts going on tangents, shouting to wake her up, until I finally crack and tell him to pack his bags and get out, he has a friend in the city, I tell him to go there, and if he doesn’t comply, I will call the police.
Threatening to call the police I guess did it for him and he starts saying disgustingly vile things about me and Lia, through the ruckus of it all, she woke up and heard everything he said and cried telling him to leave, so he did.
Now her aunt, uncle, and paternal grandparents are posting on their social media how he was only looking out for Lia’s health, and how I am trying to tear away a father and daughter.
All this makes me wonder what a stranger’s opinion on it all would be, so, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. His ‘concerns’ about her health make absolutely no sense. Sleep is vital to your wife’s short-term functionality and long-term health. The fact that 6 hours is considered a really good sleep for her (and that those 6 hours started at 8 am, meaning she was most likely up for 20-24+ hours awake beforehand) is incredibly concerning.
If he was actually concerned for her health, he would have let her sleep as long as possible, hoping she finally clocks 8-9 hours even if it was in the daytime.” Just_Abies_57
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, your ‘FIL’ wasn’t looking out for Lia’s heath he was trying to alleviate his own guilt at being an absent parent by acting like he understood her health needs and had a responsibility to guide her lifestyle.
She isn’t a defiant teenager sleeping away her days who needs her dad to step in and teach her better. She’s a grown-up woman with a serious medical condition and a husband who has supported her care for years. He doesn’t get to ignore that to make himself feel better.” DazzlingAssistant342
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I have insomnia too. Not quite as bad as your wife, but I know just how crucial it is to let someone sleep when they are actually getting decent sleep for once. FIL is completely insane and a total jerk. He is using her for money.
He doesn’t care about his daughter. The first thing he asked for was money. Then a free place to stay. This would have continued. You were perfectly right to throw him out and you are a good partner. I can only hope to find someone so understanding of my sleep issues.
FIL is so out of it he thinks because he is now back in his kid’s life he gets to dictate how she lives. And apparently, he thinks he knows better than her doctor.” YettiChild
17. AITJ For Calling A Kid "Dummy"?
“I have two nieces. One is an angel (Sophie), and one is a spoiled brat (Audrey). Audrey is the eldest and gets everything she wants, always her way.
Well, both my nieces were over. We were playing charades, having a very nice time and Audrey rolled off the bed onto my cat tree and straight annihilated it.
Like, she’s a skinny girl, but she completely destroyed the thing. When I asked her for an apology she blamed Sophie and said Sophie broke it. I was bewildered and responded, ‘I saw you do it, dummy!’
Audrey didn’t like this response. Usually, if she blames Sophie she gets away with it, so she called her mom crying about how mean I am, telling her what I called her.
The mom took her side and said ‘kids break things. It’s what they do,’ insulted me, and when I asked if she could help me buy a new one, she poor-shamed me ‘what, you’re too broke to buy another?’ Which is unfortunately true.
Then the dad texted me more insults and said I had no right taking care of any children because of my foul language (while his language was pretty colorful itself). I could’ve not cussed and taken a different approach but I was honestly fed up.
Now I am out of a cat tree and my family is very angry with me. Am I the jerk?
Edit: I did apologize to Audrey for my choice of language. I explained why I reacted the way I did, that I reacted in anger which was inappropriate, and I told her it was wrong of me to call her a name.
I told her I really just wanted her to own up to it and apologize, to not lie and blame others but take accountability for her actions. She said ‘you do not even know what I’ve been through, jerk’ so I am not sure I got my point across, but I did attempt to make it right on my end!
Also yes, I was babysitting for free!”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Yes, ‘kids break things, that’s what they do’, which is why as a parent you have to have some reserved to repair/replace items their kids damage/break. And asking for an apology is very fair, of course, she can’t pay for a new one herself but she could be asked to go to the shops with you and pick out a new cat tree together and pay for it with her parents’ money.
Her mother should have absolutely apologized too and offered to buy a new one, she’s the biggest jerk in this, in my opinion.
About the dummy comment, I think it’s a bit of an overreaction but it seems like you’re fed up with your niece’s behavior and you only insulted her when she (stupidly) tried to blame an innocent party for it.
People say things in the heat of the moment, I do not think it’s a big deal, but it’s valid if she’s upset by that word. For this, I think an apology is a good idea, only about that specific word. And again, the family should provide you with a new tree/money for one.” mariarty_221b
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here. A lot of non-parents in this thread, I suspect.
Audrey’s parents suck, for not teaching her to take responsibility, for making her the golden child and Sophie the scapegoat, and for refusing to replace the property their child damaged.
You suck, for calling a child a dummy.
Audrey sucks, for trying to place blame on her sister, but I will argue this is a dynamic that has been encouraged and reinforced by her parents.
Insulting a child and calling her names is a bad look on an adult.
It’s your job to help them behave better. Instead of telling them they’re a bad person (e.g. dummy), focus on the bad behavior.
‘You and I both know Sophie didn’t do that. I was right here watching you when you did it.
Now help me pick up the mess, and then I want you to apologize to your sister.’
If she refuses, then it’s time to call her parents to come to pick her up and tell them you won’t be allowing her back over until she (and they, as it turns out) accepts responsibility for what she did.
You can also assure Sophie she did nothing wrong.
The goal is to help her improve her behavior—not to make yourself feel better at the moment by calling her names. From the sound of her parents, she needs all the help she can get.” dirkdastardly
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
At that age Audrey should be able to recognize when she has messed up, take responsibility and apologize. That was all you were asking for. Instead, she blames her poor sister and gets mad when you call her on it. My younger sister used to always try this on our parents, ‘Big Sis did it!’ but they 100% knew better and wouldn’t let her get away with it.
Her parents have made life difficult for the rest of the world by allowing Audrey to get away with this behavior for so dang long. She is going to be terrible to deal with when she isn’t able to get her way in the real world or be able to blame her sister for her own poor decisions anymore.” Accomplished-Dog3715
16. AITJ For Not Offering My Umbrella To A Woman?
“I (32M) was standing by the bus stop whilst it was pouring down with rain though 10 minutes earlier it was not.
The bus stop is one of the ones without a roof so if you didn’t have an umbrella you were screwed.
This old lady comes over absolutely soaked, she didn’t have a coat or umbrella with her (I don’t blame her if she lives far away because when she left it was pretty warm and sunny, but there is a weather app to tell you when it will rain.) another lady went up to her and offered her her coat for some protection and asked I give her my umbrella to give to the old lady as I already had a raincoat on, I denied and said I bought the coat & umbrella with my so it is my right to use them, the lady called me a jerk and stayed in the rain until our bus came.
I do feel a bit bad for the old woman, but it is my right to use MY umbrella no? AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ, you have the freedom to make that decision, but it makes you a jerk.
Our society works well when we look out for each other, most particularly those weak (like the elderly, sick, or children).
Now your personal experiences of being taken advantage of might have caused you to stop caring about your fellow community members, but regardless of the reason – you are not holding up your end of the social contract.
I’d you want to be only out for yourself, then go and live as a hermit, but if you want the advantages of a community, then you also take on the responsibilities of being in that community.” HappySummerBreeze
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. No one expects you to share your towel at the beach. You don’t have to share an umbrella in the rain. She was fine to ask, but shouldn’t have expected that you would hand your property over. You are well within your rights to decline.
I feel for the older lady. Personally, I would have offered for her to stand under my umbrella with me, but I don’t think I would have given the umbrella over entirely, which is what it sounds like happened here.
I think OP could have acted with more compassion by sharing or handing over the umbrella.
And not being obligated to do something is not an excuse to avoid kindness like the plague. However, I don’t think that in this situation OP’s behavior was unreasonable, so I have to say NTJ.” Cactus_deluxe
Another User Comments:
“YTJ
This is a model case of being a jerk.
You do you of course and potentially can live with that you are a jerk but not helping someone because of being selfish is a major jerk. Being soaked of course can dangerously lower body temperature and can cause many different health issues. But this situation is just a case of I could help a fellow human but I chose not to.
Do you have the right to do so? Absolutely. Jerk much? Yes.” zsebibaba
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here (except for the old lady).
Even the smallest umbrella can be easily shared by two people standing still (when moving it’s more difficult) so you were selfish to refuse to share with an old lady in obviously uncomfortable circumstances.
For old people getting cold is a direct threat to their health. You didn’t have to legally. That is correct. You were still a jerk for refusing.
The other woman had an initial good intention to help the old lady, but she didn’t go about it in the best way.
It was fine to ask you to share, but perhaps she should have been more ready to suggest sharing rather than use the words ‘give’ which get people’s hackles up unnecessarily. Once you declined, the only reasonable response was to accept it, know you as a jerk in her own head, but not cause more fuss which didn’t help anyone.
I don’t get why her final decision was to stand unprotected in the rain herself rather than share her coat over the head of both herself and the old lady. Maybe it wasn’t practical, sharing a coat is harder than sharing an umbrella.” Rikutopas
We should also consider that this woman has a hero complex. In her mind, if she does not do something or help someone in every single situation and interaction, she will not receive the attention and praise she needs. She did not get the reaction she wanted. She probably tells her family and friends about how this poor old woman was stranded at a bus stop, soaking wet, at death's door, and she single-handedly saved her life. My mother is like this and, for many, many reasons, much worse than this, I cut her out of my life. My MIL is also like this and spending any amount of time with her, at all, is exhausting. I learned not to react to her stories, so she just sits and seethes, telling about how everyone else applauded her efforts (in real life, she actually uses the, "and everyone clapped," nonsense we all make fun of online).
Please remember, elderly people are not incapable of solving their own problems just because they are elderly. If she had all her faculties about her and she was able to take unassisted trips to do what she wants, she was ok.
15. AITJ For Creating A Tech Support Help Desk For My Family?
“I (F24) am studying computer science and I am currently doing an internship at a medium-sized company that hasn’t laid off 30% of its employees (yet).
So, since I am the one who knows about computers, my family sees me as their personal tech support. And my family is B.I.G. I live with my mom, my little brother, 2 of my aunts, and their kids. The kids are lazy when it comes to tech because they know I will do it for them, but my mom and aunts are beyond tech illiterate, they’re tech morons.
I am constantly interrupted in my studies or work because my cousins forgot their Disney Plus profile pin, or my mom needs to reset her email password again, I actually set up a cloud password manager for them that they do not use because they always forget that it is an option.
So a few weeks ago, one of my little cousins wanted me to help him reset a password after he got locked out of Google, and he aggressively knocked on my door demanding that I help him. I asked him, ‘Do I look like TS to you?’ and he said yes with a straight face.
So I got a domain and set up a help desk. Then I told my family that if they wanted any help from me, they should go to the website and submit a ticket for my help. My aunt said I was being ridiculous, but I was deadly serious.
In the following days, I would give them the cold shoulder if they tried to come to me with technical problems, and just tell them to submit a ticket and I would send them the solution by mail. Forgot your mail password? Too bad, use someone else’s mail.
Fortnite is lagging? Get a ticket and wait till I am home. That helped me a lot.
But then yesterday I came back from the university and the whole house was sitting in the living room telling me to sit down. They were doing an INTERVENTION on me!
WHAT!? They said I was rude, cold, condescending, and unhelpful. My mom said she’s tolerated my ‘manly ways’ (no idea where that comes from) because I am helpful with technology, but now they won’t stand up to my disrespect and I am treating them like children.
I said no, I am treating them like customers.
The discussion got heated and turned into a screaming match. I said I would move in with my ex-stepfather because he doesn’t ask me to do anything, I am still with my family but I feel like everyone hates me now, but my ex-stepfather says I am on my right to be annoyed by them.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You have a life and a job of your own. Helping occasionally is a fine expectation for them to have, as it is normal to help people you have a close relationship with. But for them to expect you to help ANY time anything goes wrong especially a forgotten password, is insane.
They have access to the internet. They have google. Resetting a password isn’t even hard; most websites literally walk you through it step-by-step. The adults are being lazy and choosing not to read. You’ve even helped set up a password manager for them that they choose not to use.
The children especially should be learning this stuff, since this is something they’re growing up with. If I was able to reset my webkinz password at 9 years old, they can reset their google password. I was doing netsh wlan in cmd to find my friends’ wifi passwords at 9 years old.
If the kids are old enough to play Fortnite, they’re old enough to learn basic computer literacy.” INeedAHoagie
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and I suspect you’re going to go far in your career before too much longer!
Your family is behaving like spoiled, entitled, obnoxious jerks, and your mother’s whole thing about ‘manly’ just means she hates the fact that you aren’t being a submissive doormat and kowtowing to their every demand as if you were nothing more than an unpaid servant.
I seriously hope that you are able to make a change in residence and it’s probably time to block phones and media access and let them figure out how to deal with the modern world on their own. A few weeks of that might (but it’s a really weak might!) make them appreciate you and treat you and what you do for them with more respect.” Dipping_My_Toes
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
From the limited info, ex-step-dad sounds like a better person to live with. If I had a situation like this that escalated to having to move out, I’d never help them with these things again. Not even advice on how to figure it out themselves or find someone else to help.
You’ve given them every opportunity to figure things out and make a system that works for everyone.
From my perspective, they’re treating you like a free service, not a family member. They’re being selfish, expecting you to drop what you’re doing the second anyone has a problem.
They do not even have the slightest hint of respect for you if they’re interrupting you when you’re studying. Yet, they expect you to do everything for them, as soon as they want it, just because they do not want to utilize the solutions you’ve already freely given to them.” -Curious-Rabbit
14. AITJ For Making My Daughter Wear Revealing Clothes On My Best Friend's Wedding?
“I (F45) have a daughter Julie (16) and we have recently been invited to my best friend Cassie’s (F42) wedding.
Cassie is Julie’s Godmother and they have always been extremely close so when Cassie asked Julie to be her bridesmaid she was very excited. Cassie’s fiancé is from a different culture than ours and they’re planning to encourage cultural dress which Julie and I thought was great as we love experiencing new cultures.
When Cassie showed the outfits and Julie tried them on she started crying, the outfit was a beautiful two-piece (slightly short shirt, long skirt all embroidered), and said it was too revealing. Now I personally would understand that however, Julie basically only wears crop tops that are in all honesty even shorter so I thought it wasn’t a weird excuse excuse.
When Julie asked Cassie if she could wear something else Cassie suggested that she put a scarf on top as she wants a theme for bridesmaids Julie then sulked away and I told Cassie I would sort it out, I tried discussing why Julie was uncomfortable but she just stayed saying it was too revealing which made zero sense.
This weekend is the wedding rehearsal and when getting ready Julie started screaming about how I was a terrible mom for making her wear clothes she is uncomfortable with.
EDIT MORE INFO/UPDATE: Julie wants to wear a more revealing outfit (the dress she wants to wear is from homecoming that she couldn’t attend) that is not cultural (HOWEVER HER REASONING IS DIFFERENT THAN I EXPECTED)
I have told her that the three options are to just wear the outfit, wear whatever she wants but drop out of being a bridesmaid or not attend.
Relating to her making a hole in the wall, I now have the full story and context of that.
My daughter is not a racist by any means.
Julie has been recently very sad all day, today she let me comfort her, and when I brought up the outfit topic she burst into tears and explained her real reasoning, she apologized for making this an issue and told me she doesn’t think the outfit is ugly, her real reasoning is that her (now ex) partner had an affair with Cassies fiancé’s niece Sara (16) (we live in a small town) who is also in the bridal party, Julie feels that if she wears the same outfit as Sara she will look ‘ugly’ and it will remind her why he lied to her, and when in the fitting room, she thought Sara looked way prettier than her.
She also explained the hole in the wall was from throwing a gift her ex gave her which is not a full excuse but understandable. She gave me a hug and I told her that she is beautiful no matter what she wears and that if she wanted I could alter the outfit to cinch her waist in more (as she likes that style and Cassie doesn’t mind alterations fitting-wise) she apologized for making it a problem.”
Another User Comments:
“Soft YTJ after finding out your daughter is insufferable and does not want to wear what the others are wearing. Learn how to tell your child no. She has two choices. Be at the wedding and wear what the bride wants or be a guest. Stop letting your daughter be the center of the world.
Grow a spine. My daughter has bodily autonomy and is allowed to express her feelings. She does not get to decide to be the focus of another person’s wedding. Seriously.” Healthy-Review-7484
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – your daughter can have whatever opinion of the outfit that she wants, she just absolutely is not allowed to voice it outside of your house ever because it’s extremely rude.
She’s clearly unable to appreciate your friend’s culture and isn’t mature enough to understand the role of a bridesmaid so she’s not in the bridal party anymore. It’s that simple. Weddings are expensive and difficult to plan, the last thing the bride needs is a bratty teenager throwing tantrums because she’s not getting her way.
To be honest, I am worried about how she will behave at the wedding itself. Maybe she needs to be told that she’s not a child anymore, she needs to start communicating better and if she’s unable to have level-headed conversations and be respectful of others, she will not be attending any events as important as your friend’s wedding because you absolutely don’t need a loose canon like that.” mhm94
Another User Comments:
“Life isn’t always fair. 16 is too old to be throwing a temper tantrum like this. She was given reasonable options. For now, it’s up to her. Maybe a gentle (on not so gentle if it’s needed) reminder that if her poor behavior continues, she may be kicked out of the bridal party entirely, causing irreparable harm to her relationship with her godmother.
Being lied to sucks. Being lied to in a small town sucks even more.
However, if she stayed with the guy after he had an affair, then she’s made the choice to put it behind her. Pulling out all her drama at her Godmother’s wedding is not the time or place.
If she chose not to stay with him, this is the perfect time to show him what he will be missing (remember, it’s a small town, so even if he’s not a guest, he’s likely to see pictures). Provided she agrees to be mature about the situation and continue being a bridesmaid, I’d recommend getting a glow-up for the wedding.
Get her hair and makeup professionally done so she looks extra cute on the day. Either way, you are NTJ. You’re not forcing her to do anything other than act her age.” URtheWeakestLink975
You're NTJ, and Julie is a tiny one, but she's 16, and hurt feelings are a new and unpleasant thing to deal with. She should have been more forthcoming with you about her reasons for not wanting to wear the outfit, but again, 16.
Sounds like all ended well and everyone learned something.
13. AITJ For Refusing To Pay For My Friend's Wedding Dress?
“My (29F) best friend (27F) is getting married in a few months, and she recently told me that she found the perfect wedding dress.
The only problem is that it costs $5,000, which is way more than she had budgeted for. She’s asked me if I would be willing to contribute $1,000 towards the dress, as an early wedding gift, since I am her maid of honor and we’ve been friends for over a decade.
While I am happy to support my friend on her wedding day, I just can’t justify spending that much on a dress that she will only wear once. I’ve already spent a lot of on the bachelorette party, bridal shower, and other wedding-related expenses, and I am not sure I can afford to add another $1,000 to the tab.
My friend is a little bit of a bridezilla, and she’s been very focused on having the ‘perfect’ wedding. I am worried that if I don’t contribute to the dress, she will be upset with me and it could put a strain on our friendship.
On the other hand, I don’t want to compromise my own financial stability just to please her.
Am I a jerk for not wanting to pay for my friend’s expensive wedding dress?”
Another User Comments:
“Oh, the age-old tale of bridezilla and the reluctant wallet.
Let’s break this down, shall we?
First, let’s address the fact that being someone’s maid of honor does not automatically make you their personal ATM. Your role is to support your friend emotionally and help with wedding planning, not to bankroll their extravagances. It’s perfectly reasonable to have a budget for wedding-related expenses, and it’s okay to stick to it.
Now, let’s talk about your friend. It’s understandable that she wants the perfect wedding, but she should be aware of her budget and make decisions accordingly. Asking you to contribute $1,000 to her dress is a significant request, and it’s not fair to expect you to cover that cost, especially when you’ve already spent on other wedding-related activities.
So, are you a jerk for not wanting to pay for your friend’s expensive wedding dress? Absolutely not. NTJ. It’s essential to prioritize your financial well-being and set boundaries with friends, even when they’re walking down the aisle. Try explaining your situation to her calmly and honestly, and offer your support in other ways.
If she’s a true friend, she will understand and appreciate your honesty.” User
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It is not the bridesmaid’s job to pay for a wedding dress.
Comments like this where the bridesmaid is being asked/required to pay for the bridesmaid’s dress, bachelorette party, bridal shower, and/or other expenses make me wonder whether the bride asked their friend to be a bridesmaid because they wanted the friend in the wedding party, or because they wanted the friend to help foot the bills for the wedding.
When you consider all the other expenses, being asked to contribute one-fifth of the cost of the bride’s dress is just a cherry on top of the very expensive (wedding) cake.” Ok-Status-9627
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your friend has a lot of audacity to ask for a specific monetary ‘contribution’.
Being at a wedding party is super expensive, it’s a significant burden, and she was insanely presumptuous to suggest you’d already be planning to spend that much on a wedding gift for her (ie, framing it as an early gift). She has NO right to expect or demand that her bridal party pay for her wedding ensemble.
I hope you’re able to politely decline without it turning into a big thing but don’t be steamrolled by a bridezilla.” owls_and_cardinals
Tell her that you won't be contributing to her dress fund, and that you're a little surprised at the request. I guarantee she'll pitch a toddler level tantrum and start screaming about how ungrateful all her attendants are, she expected better of you, and that you're no longer in the wedding. At which point you should make your escape and congratulate yourself on having dodged a bullet.
12. AITJ For Telling My Brother To Be Nice To His Future Stepdaughters?
“My brother is engaged to Maddy. My brother has my niece Ella (17f) and Maddy has two girls Naomi (6) and Niamh (7). Naomi and Niamh have had a pretty rough early life. Their bio father walked out when they were babies, their bio father’s family didn’t want to know them and Maddy’s family didn’t want to know her or the girls because they never approved of the girls’ bio father and wanted nothing to do with the family.
They have been homeless in the past and one of the girls has stomach issues so there’s been a lot going on.
Just like them Ella’s had her struggles. Her mom died when she was 9 and she and my brother were never super close, he wasn’t the best dad to her, and she’s detached from him.
In the last year or so she’s been clear that she won’t hang around him once she’s 18. I already told her she can always live with me if she ever needs/wants to. She and I are close despite her and my brother not being close.
I think because even though I am her dad’s sister, I knew her mom well and talk about her mom with her. My brother has heard her say she’s moving out on her 18th birthday and won’t stick around. He’s heard her say he’s not her family.
Yet he and Maddy have hyped Naomi and Niamh up to expect Ella as their big sister. The girls wanted to go to the wedding with Ella, want to sit with Ella, want to go dress shopping with her. They even talk about after the wedding and how she will be their sister.
My brother and Maddy not only encourage this but have told them Ella will do this stuff and how it’ll be great when they’re all officially sisters. They have also promised the three of them will be kept together during the wedding and these little girls are so excited.
I find it so cruel to the little girls because Ella does not give a crap about them. She’s been one foot out the door for more than a year and those girls change nothing. I am not even sure she’s spent any real time with them and she couldn’t tell you the first thing about either of them.
She also has no idea what her dad has promised them.
I tried to talk to Maddy and she didn’t seem to have any issue with the idea her girls would end up hurt. She believes Ella will be madly in love with them by the wedding and even if she doesn’t talk to her dad, will be the sister they need. My brother shrugged when I brought it up to him.
He told me that blended families all have bumps in the road. I told him not to be cruel to those little girls when he knows Ella won’t be around in seven more months and that he is letting two small children who have lost so much, and been rejected so much, get their hopes up for a sister he knows won’t be sticking around.
My words were not received well (not hugely surprised but you know) and he told me I was being an by calling him cruel when he’s doing good by Naomi and Niamh.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. That’s a powder keg/fireworks that’s been left unattended and just waiting to explode.
You’ve warned them both that their lies are going to be exposed harshly and they are choosing not to listen or just think that burying their heads in the sand will make things turn their way.
I am sorry that your future step necessary are going to be caught in the crossfire after you’ve warned them and it’s not fair for all 3 girls, to hype the younger 2 up while putting pressure and expectations on your 17-year-old niece whose going to be out of the house in around 7 months who will be made the scapegoat.
I’d strongly recommend that they get both of the younger girls into counseling asap for the shots and how that’s going to happen to them both.
As for your niece at least she has you there for her.” G8RTOAD
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your brother’s behavior is deplorable.
I can see why Ella wants nothing to do with him. I feel sorry for her and the two little girls that he is actively hyping up about having a big sister, knowing full well that his poor parenting means the big sister is literally counting down the days before she can get away from him.
That is so cruel of him to do. His fiancée is also guilty of that, but I suspect it is borne out of naive hope rather than anything malicious.” HammerOn57
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. All you can do now is to tell Ella their crazy plans.
Ask her to tell the children nicely, but directly, that their grownups are misrepresenting the situation, and she isn’t going to be around, so, she won’t even be there to be their sister. She can tell them that she is sorry they’ve been lied to, but she isn’t actually available.
Ella doesn’t have to have a relationship with the kids, but it would be decent of her to tell the children in advance that the grownups are jerks.” Neenknits
11. AITJ For Not Taking My Wife's Baby Name Suggestion Seriously?
“My (35M) wife (32F) is pregnant. She is due in 2 weeks and I am beyond excited because this would be my first child and I’ve always wanted to be a dad.
Yesterday, we were in bed together, talking about our baby. All of a sudden she jumps up excited with a huge smile on her face. She told me to stay in bed because she had a surprise for me. She went into our closet and grabbed a box.
It was decorated with ribbons and bows so I assumed it was a gift for me. She handed it to me with the same big grin on her face. It was obvious she was excited to see my reaction. I asked her what it was but she just kept on saying ‘open it open it!’
I opened it and inside was a blue onesie with the name ‘Bartholomew’ in cursive stitched on the middle. Now, I had agreed that I’d let my wife name the baby since she was the one giving birth and I felt as if it would be something really special for her so I trusted she’d name my son something at least normal. I asked her what it meant and she said ‘surprise!
That’s going to be his name.’ She sounded so happy and enthusiastic so I knew she was serious. I busted out laughing to the point of tears. I honestly could not believe she was going to name our son that. What kind of name is ‘Bartholomew’?
She got really silent and started tearing up. When I noticed this, I sat up and stopped laughing. She snatched the box off me and stomped back to the closet. I asked her if she was serious and she said yes.
Apparently, she has decided to name our son after her grandfather who she was very close with before he died. I told her that she should think about this because it’s an ‘outdated’ name.
She started yelling at me saying I was judging my son before he even came out of the womb. She stormed out and is now staying at her mom’s. I honestly can’t believe she was serious. Her dad called me yelling at me because apparently she has told on me.
I’ve been called immature and a joke so far. I will probably just apologize but there is no way I am calling my son by that outrageous name. I am currently thinking of a nickname to call him, any ideas? AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here
Both partners need to come up with the name for the baby together. This is a decision that requires TWO yesses, not something that one person can just pick because it’s really unfair to have one person love the name and the other person detest what their child is called.
I think the idea of honoring her grandfather with Bartholomew is lovely, but perhaps you should do so as a middle name. Pick out a first name that is more commonly used now for his first name, and that way the gesture is still there, but without the spelling headaches for the kid’s entire life (trust me, he does not want to be named something weird that he has to spell out three times every time he calls to make an appointment for everything for the rest of his life.)” avocadosdontbite
Another User Comments:
“YTJ
You should not have laughed, period. Seeing how excited she was made it clear this was important to her.
You should have apologized as soon as you saw how upset she was.
You definitely should have apologized after finding out it was her grandfather’s name, who you know she was close to.
If you are truly that concerned about him being made fun of, then use a little tact, something as simple as a ‘Honey, I know you want to honor grandfather by naming son after him, but I am scared he will be bullied. What if we use Bartholomew as a middle name instead?’ would have been a million times better.
Finally, look up popular boy names for 2022, the top ten have multiple older/traditional names like Theodore, Benjamin, William, and Henry. The girl names are very similar, with older names becoming more popular again as people are naming their children after their grandparents and great-grandparents.
Call her and apologize for laughing, and then explain your reasoning for not wanting Bartholomew to be his first name, calmly and respectfully.” SilverPenny23
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You did give her permission to name the baby so that was a mistake, but that’s not really an enforceable contract.
You are a couple and you are going to be parents so it’s not fair of her to expect that you wouldn’t get a say. Personally, I like old-fashioned names and Bartholomew is a name with a lot of history, but NTJ for telling her that you don’t like it.
The poor kid will be called Bart Simpson for the rest of his life, not to mention Fart Bart.
Bartholomew could be a decent middle name to honor her grandfather.” Top-Pea-8975
Another User Comments:
“YTJ
Bartholomew is not my personal style, but it has history, substance, and meaning, especially for your wife.
Better than yet another tired, dated defunct medieval-occupational surname as a first name.
And it’s one thing to diplomatically express your dislike, but you had this poor woman in tears. Both parents should be comfortable with their child’s name, but there’s no need to belittle or mock her.
You say you thought it was a joke but you must have known it was her grandfather’s name.
You owe her an apology. Bartholomew is a fine name.” Nemesis0408
10. AITJ For Sabotaging My Sister-In-Law During A Bake-Off?
“Sophie (SIL, 26F) has been married to my (29F) BIL since late 2021. Whenever we have had holidays she has spent it with her family, and my husband and I only go back to his hometown during the holidays – so I don’t know her well.
Anyway, we have a holiday coming up in just over a month. For the first time, Sophie’s parents will be away so she will be celebrating with us.
That’s all background. As is the fact that my MIL is a trained patissier. I promise it’s relevant.
I happened to be in town this week and MIL started putting together her list of ingredients for the stuff she will make. She was consulting me, and my husband’s sister Zara, about what to make and also delegated a couple of things to each of us.
Sophie came into the living room and said ‘oh I can definitely make better brownies, tartlets, and whatever else than (my name)!’
Now my MIL takes desserts very seriously. I said okay you can make that stuff but MIL said no we need to have the nicest sweets.
There was a back and forth and Sophie suggested what I can only describe as a bake-off.
So we made brownies, tiramisu, and lemon meringue, and the family judged between us and everyone voted in my favor.
Sophie got mad at me and said I’d hidden the fact that I know how to bake from her to which Zara said neither of us really bakes when MIL is around because she’s amazing but that we both can if we need to.
Now Sophie is mad at me for both hiding my ability from her and for purposefully embarrassing her in front of our in-laws. I think she’s stupid – she wanted the silly bake-off right up until she lost, it’s not my fault she has an ego.”
Another User Comments:
“So she wanted to challenge someone she thought had no baking abilities to a competition?
Something that would be of no interest to her unless she wanted to try and humiliate/drag you, OP, and is upset the plan didn’t work.
Surely she should have used common sense to figure out you know how to bake, seeing as you agreed to bake without complaint. Most people don’t take on tasks they can’t do.
So she’s not very smart and a wannabe bully, charming combo.
NTJ, the fact you even accept the challenge was an admission of ability, not your fault she’s thicker in the head than her brownie mix.” Obvious-Accountant35
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, you didn’t sabotage your SIL but also why the heck is she being both so aggressive and so competitive?
It’s baked goods for a family event, like sure everybody wants to have the best and most delicious stuff out but also, so long as everybody enjoys themselves and eats everything (or a significant amount of it) that’s all that matters.
Anyway, your SIL being so aggressively competitive actively against you feels somewhat like a red flag.
Especially as this is the first time she’s meeting her husband’s side of the family.
On the other hand, maybe she meant this all in a joking way and hey you guys got a bake-off contest out of it (maybe you can all do it regularly cause like – competition AND eating baked goods) and it could be a new family tradition?” ftjlster
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, dear OP, NTJ! It is not your fault that your SIL did not ask you what your level of expertise in baking was (or bothered to ask her husband, for that matter!) before challenging you to a bake-off. Had she bothered to sit still and listen for a few minutes, she would have realized that the family had pretty much ‘set roles’ when it came to family dinners and thought to ASK what she might contribute before she embarrassed herself, which she did all on her own.
Next time she brings it up and accuses you of sabotaging, gently tell her that she did that all on her own but even so, you are willing to forget all about it if only she will let you. It can be difficult to figure out one’s role in the family when one joins family members that have been together long enough to have ‘set roles’ and as one who has done that, I strongly suggest ‘asking before insisting’ is the best method to use if one desires to be welcomed into the family.” Proverbs21-3
She messed around and found out. Not on you or anyone else. What a fool. Girl needs to learn to read the room.
9. AITJ For Refusing To Pay For A Baby Shower I Was Invited To?
“I was invited to my cousin’s baby shower last weekend by one of her friends from college. It was a small group of women at a restaurant for brunch.
We played a few games, she opened presents; it was nice. The hostess paid the bill with her credit card and this is where it got weird. One of the other guests said, ‘Oh, hostess, how much do I owe?’ I assumed she was just being polite.
The hostess replied that she would Venmo everyone to settle up.
I was honestly a little shocked. I was under the assumption that if you host a baby shower, you pay for everyone’s meal. Everyone thanked the hostess for organizing before we all left. Monday morning I get an email listing everyone’s names, what they ordered, and what they owe down to the penny.
She split the tax, tip, and future mom’s meal between everyone. The total bill for the entire group would have been about $200. AITJ if I don’t pay up?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but you probably will be branded as one as whoever invited you didn’t state this and maybe splitting the bill is how they do it within the group.
It’s too late now for the ‘I didn’t know’ argument, so better to pay up and check next time you get an invite. Else either the hostess would be out of pocket or everyone will be, both of the ways won’t make you look good along with the bad publicity.
You can take this privately with the one who invited you if you want to.” SPolowiski
Another User Comments:
“YTJ, if it is a hired room with a buffet provided, then it is normally provided for the guests free of charge. If it is a set menu everyone is being served, then that could be free to the guests, but not always, in which case there is usually a set charge that you would be told beforehand and a small choice of meals, like fish, meat, or vegan.
If it is a sit-down meal in the restaurant proper with a full menu, then it is usually paid for your own, or it is split between those attending. Pretty much if you are seated in the main restaurant with a main menu, be prepared to cough up some funds.” NovelRemarkable7136
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Wow, this is bizarre and rude. If the expectation was that everyone pays for their share (as well as a portion of the guest of honor’s share) then that should’ve explicitly been put in the invitation (maybe double-check that it wasn’t mentioned).
That way everyone would be aware of how much they were spending or be able to decline the invitation if they can’t afford it. No, it is not traditionally expected for anyone other than the host to pay for a party.
That being said, if you can afford to pay your share, I would if only to save the relationship.
However, I would keep in mind to always ask if you’re expected to pay anything before you attend another party hosted by anyone else in this group.” cbm984
Another User Comments:
“Very soft YTJ. This seems like an unfortunate miscommunication. And probably a regional thing – I for instance would always expect to cover my and part of future mom’s bill at such an event.
Kinda suck if the hostess deliberately left out this information from you, but looks like it could’ve been an honest mistake – maybe in their friend circle things always have been this way. I don’t think it’s a hill to die on, avoid drama and pay if you can afford it.
If you can’t, talk with the one who invited you and explain your case.” wild_chiken
8. AITJ For Not Wanting To Come To An International Trip Without My Partner?
“Around 2 months ago my best friend (20F) mentioned that she wanted to go on an international trip with me and a few other friends next year.
I agreed happily, as I love traveling with my friends. She never mentioned anything about partners coming on the trip so I assumed it would be a girl’s trip.
I found out a couple of months later that the other two girls were bringing their partners, so I automatically assumed that I could bring mine.
Out of the 4 of us, 3 are in relationships; one has been for 2 years and I and the other girl have been with our respective partners for ~4 months.
I casually brought this up to my friend while talking about the trip and mentioned how my partner had found a cheap hotel and she started saying that he wasn’t allowed to come.
I was confused and mentioned that the other girls were saying they’d bring their partners, so it must have been a miscommunication.
She clarified that no, they would be bringing their partners, she just didn’t want me to because she wanted me to spend my time with her there.
I asked her why she specifically singled me out and she said it was because I have been with my partner for the least amount of time. I pointed out that the other girl has been with hers for the same amount of time as me, with only a few days difference.
She insisted that it ‘wasn’t the same’ and that ‘she didn’t feel comfortable with my partner coming because she doesn’t know him well’ despite not knowing the other girl’s partner well either. I explained that if something were to happen and we were to break up I’d be happy to go with her alone, but as of right now, I was planning on bringing him, as the other girls were.
I told her the way she was treating me wasn’t fair and she kept insisting that I needed to come alone with her because she wanted to spend time with me and share the hotel room with me. I told her we’d never agreed to that and whenever I travel I get my own hotel room, but she kept insisting.
I finally snapped and told her that she was treating me unfairly and that I wasn’t going to go if he didn’t go. She ended up calling me a jerk and now the group is calling me an because I am ‘bailing on them’ and she was saying she doesn’t even want to go anymore.
AITJ for refusing to travel internationally without my partner?
Edit: My partner and I talked about it and we realized no matter what the friend isn’t going to be happy that we’re going, and since I won’t go without him, I withdrew from the trip.
He and I are taking another trip during that time – one we’ve both wanted to go on for a while! I am not sure if she is in love with me, but I know she tends to be a control freak. Our mutual friend didn’t react well to this alongside her but it is what it is.
I am not spending an insane amount of to be babysitting someone else’s feelings.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – there are expectations she has that she isn’t communicating with you (your can’t come; we share a room, etc) and that’s fairly controlling behavior.
If she would have communicated those from the start, that might make sense, but now you’re too far down the pike and you have demands placed on you that the others do not? Something is off here, and it’s not you.
Do not go, and inform the group of the demands being placed on you.
You’re an adult, and you make your own decisions. Not anybody else.” vmikeb
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
She was being both controlling and lacking in logic.
If she can’t handle the adjustment of you in particular being in a relationship, maybe she needs distance from you.
She is not going to re-find her footing by strong-arming you into excluding someone who should be included in all fairness.
If she wants to flex that she planned the trip so she gets to determine who goes, that’s within her rights, but then you’re also well within your rights to see that other people with partners are welcome to bring them.
I understand not wanting to feel like a hanger-on in your own trip, but then it should’ve been kept to a girls’ trip.
Your friend needs to learn how to communicate her actual feelings.” einsteinGO
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Stand your ground. Unless she is paying, or somehow crowned the adult in charge she doesn’t have the right to veto your partner out of anything.
Side perspective? It kinda sucks being the only single girl in a group vacation, she’d end up being alone in everything, no matter how much y’all promise to treat her equally. She could just be (terribly) trying to stop that from happening, but there’s a way to do things.
Try talking to her from a curious perspective, and see if she was being honest, cuz clearly something is up. Perhaps it’s about your partner, perhaps it’s about her.” Big-Bug6427
7. AITJ For Not Taking Care Of My Niece And Nephew?
“My sister and her husband had a 5-day long trip planned, and my sister’s mother was supposed to babysit the kids (4 and 7 years old). She got sick a few days before the trip, so my sister asked me to do it. I refused because I don’t really like kids, and I don’t have any experience with babysitting.
My niece and nephew are usually nice, but they can be really difficult sometimes (just like all kids I assume).
My sister asked me why since I am home all week with no plans anyways. She had asked me if I had plans for that week before asking me to babysit.
If she had just asked me to babysit first, I would’ve lied and said I have plans. I tried to explain that I don’t really know anything about kids or how to deal with them, but she got mad at me and called me selfish.
They had to cancel the trip since no one else could babysit the kids on such short notice, and my sister definitely blames me. This happened last month, and I heard that she’s still mad at me from our brother. So, am I the jerk here?
EDIT: My sister and brother are my half-siblings. Same dad, different mom. I barely even know their mom.
My brother and our dad had work, so they couldn’t babysit. The kids were on a winter break so they would’ve been with the babysitter all day every day.
I was unemployed at the time. I don’t know about the husband’s family.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, looking after kids is a big responsibility, and doing that for 5 days when you aren’t comfortable isn’t a thing to be taken lightly. They could get sick, fall off stairs, get into a fight, or maybe choke on something.
Unsure how old you are but although it sounds easier to look after 4 and 7-year-olds, there are things that could go wrong as well. So forcing that responsibility on you is not a nice thing.
Your sister could have taken the kids with her or what about the kids’ dad’s family?
Also, you say your sister’s mother, so assume she’s your step-sister? She can be as mad as she wants and don’t take on the responsibility you aren’t comfortable with. They aren’t your kids and they aren’t your problem to solve.” SPolowiski
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, if it were that important of a trip, they should’ve had a plan B in place.
It takes a bad parent to want to leave their children for an extended period with someone with no childcare experience just for what sounds like a vacation. Yeah, I wouldn’t do it either.
5 days is a lot. I wouldn’t do that for anyone unless I was close to them and in a medical emergency.
I’ve stepped in for people before. It’s ok to have limits. Most people don’t get a lot of time off — I wouldn’t use what little time off I have to provide free, last-minute childcare so other people who didn’t plan better could go on vacation.” paul_rudds_drag_race
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She asked about ‘your plans’ to undermine your autonomy to refuse her extremely intrusive request/demand. So she could devalue and dismiss whatever you planned for your week compared to her precious kids. As she did. She placed you in a position where she wants – to be child-free for a week – were ‘more important’ than your needs for a safe and private space at home.
Of course, the supervision and care of her children is the PARENTS’ responsibility, not yours. That’s some real sleight of hand trying to put that duty onto a relative inexperienced with and unwilling to do long-term child care.
4-year-olds need constant supervision. You are wise to refuse on safety grounds alone.
Even in their own home, you’d have no idea what dangers from which the parents ‘automatically’ shield their preschoolers. Neither kid is old enough to be safe ‘on their own’ with a loving but inexperienced adult ‘around.’
Your sister was so caught up in her own desire for a vacation from her children that she was willing to risk the comfort and safety of all three of you to get it.” curious382
6. AITJ For Not Allowing My Nephews To Sleep On My Bed?
“A family friend was getting married nearby to me, so my sister asked if she and my nephews could stay with me because hotel rooms in the area are expensive.
The house I am currently living in I bought a few months ago. I barely have any furniture in it and do not plan on buying any more for a while because I plan on renovating and do not want it in the way. The only things to sleep on are my bed and a couch.
I told my sister that. She said it was okay and that she would bring an air mattress for her sons to sleep on and she would sleep on the couch. I also told her that the couch was really small (loveseat sized) and uncomfortable.
She said it would be fine for one night. I also told her to bring their own bedding because I really do not have much aside from what I use.
The night of the wedding my sister’s sons are tired so they leave the reception early around 9 pm.
I wanted to stay longer so I told her would get a ride home from someone else and gave her the keys to my house.
When I get home around midnight my sister is watching tv in the living room. Her sons aren’t there. She explains to me that her air mattress wouldn’t inflate.
so she put her sons in my bed and said since my bed is big enough she could share with them and I could sleep on the couch.
I said that wasn’t happening. The couch is way too uncomfortable to sleep on and way too short for me.
I would be hanging off the end. I already have enough trouble sleeping and I had stuff I needed to do the next day. I tried to get the air mattress the work, but it wouldn’t turn on. So I got my spare blanket and set it up on the floor along with a sleeping bag.
My sister reluctantly got the boys up and off my bed. Once they were all in their spots I went to bed and quickly fell asleep.
The next morning my sister was in a really bad mood. They all didn’t sleep the whole night because the blankets I set up on the ground weren’t thick enough and it was uncomfortable.
My sister tried sleeping on the floor, but her sons fought about sleeping on the couch because there wasn’t room enough for the both of them. My sister said I could have at least checked up on them or let the boys sleep in my bed with me, but to me, that’s really weird and I would not have been comfortable with that.
Plus I am used to sleeping alone.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
You compromised & let her stay. You warned her that the couch was too small for a grown human, and to bring extra bedding. She didn’t heed your warning.
Then she just ‘decides’ that you get the couch while she takes your bed w/her children.
Since it’s ‘big enough’ (and so? Doesn’t matter if it’s ‘big enough’ it is your bed & you’d already told her you were sleeping in it.)
Her entitlement is unreal, and you are not the jerk for not catering to that entitlement.” ashleighbuck
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You told your sister about the limitations of your furniture arrangement. Despite this, she insisted the couch would be fine for her and that her boys would sleep on an air mattress. That was her arrangement. It’s not anyone’s fault the air mattress didn’t work, but it was an option your sister introduced, so it is her burden.
For her to put her kids in your bed and assume you’d take the couch is pretty rude on her part. If you’d offered to do that, then fine, but it doesn’t sound like you ever did. Your sister was the jerk.” Kuch7
Another User Comments:
“So NTJ! She invited herself to save and then tried to take your bed. When that didn’t fly, she tried to guilt you for not checking on her kids. I do not think so. What makes people think that they can invite themselves into less-than-ideal conditions, that they are warned about and then complain about those same conditions not suiting their needs and that the person who was doing exactly what they said they could, didn’t do enough to help with the situation?
It was her responsibility to make sure the air mattress she brought worked. You told her that the couch was too small to be comfortable and then she wanted you to take the couch that was way too small for you.” TimelySecretary1191
5. AITJ For Messing Up My Mom's Makeup?
“I (F 16) got a job last summer and I started buying my own skincare stuff and makeup.
And I take very good care of my things. They all have a place and I like when they are clean.
These past weeks my mom (F 49) has been taking my makeup things. And using them. And then just throwing them on my makeup table.
Not only does she does this, but she tells other family members that the only thing I use my on is makeup and clothes. Like she is shaming me for doing that.
I have talked to her multiple times. First, I told her to not touch my stuff.
She didn’t listen and she kept just throwing the things she used on my makeup table, and they were so nasty. Her foundation was over the whole brush and on the stick to hold the brush.
Then I told her, that it’s okay if she touches my stuff as long as she at least puts them correctly in their places.
She didn’t listen. And it’s been building up in me. I feel so disrespected.
Today, I came home. I see my makeup laying messy on my makeup table. I even see that some of it are missing. It’s messy. Then I see that my duvet is missing from my bed. And my room smelled. I call my mom and turns out that she let the cat inside my room when she was taking my makeup, and the cat peed on my bed.
It was my last straw.
I went to her makeup table. And I ruined some of her makeup. I glued her lip liner together. I broke her powder. And I sprayed lots of dry shampoo on all of her products. I do not know what I was thinking I just wanted her to respect my things.
Note: I am usually a very calm person and I never do stuff like this. But she ruins my things so I ruined hers.
I am starting to feel bad about what I did. I do not even think that she will notice that something happened. Her makeup table is messy and dirty.
I am thinking if I should clean up her make-up table. But I feel like that will show her that she can disrespect me and step over me again and again.
UPDATE: I just got a text from her saying that I have to do the laundry and clean up the house.
And if I do not, she won’t drive me to school tomorrow.
I was going to do the house chores anyway but the way that she ‘black mails’ me to do these things is so messed up.
UPDATE WITH MY MOM: I hid my makeup in my back and I took it with me to school.
My mom called me today, and she was sooo mad. She said ‘where is MY makeup.’ Bro, it ain’t yours. I just hung up.”
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here.
You’re not going to convince your mom to respect you by doing what you did.
She will just blame you for acting out and not see how she contributed to it.
The best thing you can do is to put all your makeup in a locked drawer and make sure your mom does not have the key.” bmyst70
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, you shouldn’t have tried to destroy her stuff. That was childish but technically you are still a child and what she’s doing with your stuff is way worse because she is old enough to know better. the mature way to do this is to lock up your stuff so she can’t use it anymore and if she complains then tell her nicely that since she wasn’t respecting your stuff that you will no longer be making it available for her to use and please do not trust that she will miraculously do better just because she says she will.
Also, it’s not hygienic to share makeup so you can just solve it easier by locking it up and saying you won’t share because it’s not good to share makeup it can cause infections.” gravegirl48
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here for obvious reasons.
This is a clear case of ‘two wrongs do not make a right’ – I hate the cliché most of the time, but it’s perfect here.
I can definitely understand why you did it, I can’t say I would do better in the situation (I would be really, really, upset, based on what you described) – but I can’t justify it.
Going forward, get some kind of lockable container to keep your makeup in, it’s clear there is nothing you can do to get your mother to behave like an adult.” JsCTmav
4. AITJ For Giving My Partner A Cheaper Gift?
“I and my partner come from very privileged backgrounds. Our parents are rich-ish and we always had to spend, so we’d go out on fancy dates, and spend a lot on gifts, etc,…
I recently got a job and I am very proud of myself and my newfound independence, it’s an entry-level position so I am not making a lot, just enough to get by. I am just glad I do not need to depend on my parents anymore despite the drastic change in my lifestyle.
I’ve talked with my partner about this and he was very supportive but refused to cut down on date nights and fun activities so he has been footing the bill every time.
We usually plan each other’s birthdays and we end up spending way too much.
This year, for his birthday, I got him a new tie and a watch and we had dinner at his favorite restaurant. He looked disappointed the entire time and at the end of the date, he asked me if that was it. I told him yes and asked if he didn’t like it he said he loved it and thanked me then left.
He has been short with me lately and one of our mutual friends told me my partner was deeply disappointed and felt like I didn’t put enough thought and effort into it. But I can’t help but feel this is about and that I didn’t spend on him as much as I usually do.
I can afford to throw him something more elaborate like before but I would be broke till the end of the month.
I don’t know. Am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It sounds to me like he is used to living off of his parents and possibly you were at some point as well.
The difference being that you want to get away from that and earn your own and he sounds like he is totally okay with this lifestyle without earning it. It sounds like what you did was very nice and if he can’t appreciate that then he may be in the wrong relationship.
There is no reason why he shouldn’t support you in your decision to be independent.
That being said It sounds like you need to sit down and discuss what is causing his changed mood. Communication is always key and I would be willing to bet It could help solve this problem you are having.” Tristan-Dilts
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Sitting down with your partner and having a serious discussion about what you both want might be a good idea. You’ve obviously had a realization that you want some independence and to pay your own way – even if your parents still support you.
He might not have the same ambitions as you so it’s possible your paths may diverge. Then again, I have no idea how long you’ve been together or how serious your relationship is so I can’t judge but I hope you get to be with someone on the same page as you who respects your choices and the consequences of what you’re doing to further yourself in life.
You do not deserve to be disrespected or made to feel less because of the changes you’re making in your lifestyle. Good luck!” EyesoreEye
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and I am bewildered by the privileged entitlement here. Being there for someone on their birthday is already a meaningful gift. Expecting any items, expensive or not, misses the point of gift-giving, which is that it should be a gesture from the heart and not something you demand from someone else.
If there are physical gifts, wonderful, that’s very nice of them. If there aren’t physical gifts, also fine, as long as your loved ones are making you feel loved and valid.
This is bratty, entitled behavior that I personally wouldn’t tolerate. Red flags for any partner who demands this level of monetary pampering from you.
You being there should’ve been enough for him.
Have a serious talk about how much his reaction hurt you and do a vibe check to make sure you are still compatible/your expectations in the relationship still align.” one_1f_by_land
3. AITJ For Letting My In-Laws Eat Some Of My Special Fudge?
“My in-laws always tell stories about when they were young. How they went to Lollapalooza and burning man before it got all commercial.
I like hearing their good old days stories. They are amusing. My favorite is how my father-in-law missed seeing Nirvana in some dive bar because he never heard of them.
I make my own edibles and they are pretty strong. We do not have kids yet so I am okay just leaving them out with a warning sign for my wife. My edibles should carry a warning label ‘do not make any plans for a while’.
My in-laws were over this weekend. They said they wanted to try my fudge. I said they were welcome but that they should try just a quarter of one of my fudge pieces.
That is what my wife usually takes. It is enough to have a great night but still be able to function the next day.
My in-laws decided they were old-school cool and I was shining them on. They each took a full piece. That was Friday night.
They didn’t move from the couch until Saturday afternoon.
They had plans that went sideways. I am not sure how that’s my fault.
They literally took four times as much as I recommended.
My wife is upset with me and so are my in-laws. They ended up staying until Sunday when they felt normal. I tried to explain that the stuff I grow is stronger than whatever they are used to from the 90s but I am still in trouble.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
They are adults (the parents of adults!) and responsible for their own actions.
They are visitors to your home, consuming something you took time to prepare.
You gave them adequate information on recommended dosing, but they chose to ignore you because they thought they knew better (even though you made the item in the first place and would know best).
No one made them eat the fudge. No one even asked them to eat the fudge.
I assume you weren’t planning to have them stoned off their butt on your couch for most of the day either, so they are potentially inconveniencing YOU and your plans
They’re being immature and inconsiderate, and owe you an apology for each of those things. If they want to be angry at someone, it should be aimed internally.” RigsbyLovesFibsh
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here. Don’t get me wrong, them way more than you, but I am not fully convinced you did your due diligence in warning them of just how strong the fudge was.
I am not saying you had to cause a whole ordeal, but I think generally giving your recommendation based on what your wife typically has, isn’t quite sufficient given that has changed significantly in potency in the past 30-some years. If you explained all that, reiterated your recommendation, suggested that if they start with 1/4, and if it’s not enough, they can take more in a couple of hours, Then I would say you’re NTJ even if they insisted and ultimately went through with taking a whole fudge piece.
I am more than happy to change this to NTJ if I am mistaken and this was truly explained to the in-laws, but I get the sense that you gave your initial recommendation, they pushed back, and you immediately yielded.” ashtree20
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, or at worst, everyone sucks here.
You’re all adults. You gave them your recommended dose, they ignored your warnings as the dude who made it and got sent to space.
The only thing I’d do differently is not let them serve themselves.
But ultimately they’re the ones who decided you were joking, they messed around and found out.
I am sure they’ll laugh at this when they no longer feel ashamed of themselves for being beat into Sunday by their SIL’s edibles.” bunyanthem
In the 70s, THC content was around 1% in the flower, but, if you were lucky, you might have gotten your hands on some 3%. In the 80s, it averaged 4%. In the 90s, 4.5% was average. The 2000s averaged 8%. The 2010s averaged 12%. Now, average is around 19% and the really good stuff is 25-30%. That is just the flower! Extracts and concentrates are 95-99% THC. I am saying all of this because what they remember would not even affect many of us. They went straight from a toddler's tricycle to a Harley Davidson, despite being warned and likely carring powerful computers in their pockets which they could have used for a few minutes first, if they did not trust your warnings. They used irresponsibly and are trying to blame you for the fact that they did what parents warned us all about when we were young. They also somehow forgot that actions have consequences. NTJ!!!
2. AITJ For Using My Kid's Diapers On My Nephew?
“I (29m) have been with my wife (28f) for 5 years.
We have two children together ages 3, and 6 months. My wife has a sister Rachel (26f) who also has a baby a few weeks apart from our youngest. A few days ago Rachel had asked my wife to babysit for a few hours, to which my wife agreed but had told her she had to take their father to an appointment later that day.
As the time approached for my wife to go, Rachel texted and said her client for work was late and the meeting was going to take longer and asked if I could watch the baby while my wife goes to her appointment, and I agreed.
It came time to change my nephew and he didn’t have any diapers left in his bag, so I just used one of our sons. I didn’t think it’d make a difference, but I was wrong. After my SIL picked up my nephew and brought him home I was getting spam of texts about how my nephew now has a rash, because I put him in the wrong diapers.
I tried to explain it was because he was out of diapers and she should’ve packed enough, but then she argued and said I should’ve texted her before putting him in a random diaper. She complained to my wife and when my wife defended me, it caused a big argument between the sisters, and Rachel called us ‘careless parents.’
I feel horrible because obviously, I didn’t mean to give the kid a rash, but how was I supposed to know it would? I have 2 kids, but neither of them dealt with that. I didn’t even know they made ‘special diapers’.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
First off, it’s a diaper rash. P*****e will be fine. It is true that switching brands around could make it more likely, but it’s not like you had a choice. She should have packed more diapers. I am also willing to bet that at no point did she ban you from using other diapers.
But, and you know this, raising a baby is hard. She’s also working. You’re likely the target of frustration and exhaustion. Stand your ground that you used what she had provided and had no choice, but do not let it be a relationship killer.” Rhewin
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Okay you changed him and he got a rash because of something you were unaware of, but if you hadn’t changed him, he’d have been sitting in and probably gotten a rash anyways.
Either way, a rash was happening, and your SIL is just choosing to be a jerk about it because the entire situation is because she didn’t come prepared for her kid.
She doesn’t want to confront the fact that she messed up in the first place by not giving you enough supplies, so it’s easier to blame you.” RubyJuneRocket
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – you’re watching a baby, the baby needs a diaper. The baby has no diapers, but you have diapers.
You did what most people would do in that situation without even thinking because what other solution is there? Even if you were to call the mom, there’s still no diaper and the baby needs one so not sure what good that would do. Ultimately, she should be understanding, and thank you for watching her baby.
Then she could let you know in the future what you could do differently or she could just pack more diapers and everybody gets along. I mean this is a bit of an overreaction on her part and I am being really generous here with that statement.” Orphan_Izzy
1. AITJ For Pushing Myself Into The Family Business?
“My mother moved me during the divorce and against my father’s wishes. I was 8 at the time. She moved 3 hours away because she needed a support network.
Clearly, she was wrong but I was a kid and adapted. My father started legal proceedings against my mother and the whole thing took 6 years.
I would visit my father for half of the summer vacation and many holidays. But I really loved my life with my mom.
When I was 14, my father basically threatened to have my mother arrested if she didn’t let him have custody of me.
So against my own wishes, I was forced to move back to my dad’s home full-time.
I hated it here and I essentially lived a separate life from my dad and his family.
When I was 16, my grandad died and left his company to his two sons (my dad and uncle) and me. We all got third ownership.
My dad and uncle had more kids but my grandfather never updated the will.
My family says it’s because he got too old to remember.
So here is where I think I am the jerk. Since I was 16, I didn’t know any better and my dad and uncle just ran the company themselves.
But when I turned 18, my dad and uncle talked to me about splitting the company 50/50 between them so they could split it fairly among all the grandkids instead.
I would get a payout of $300k for my share.
But I talked to a lawyer on my own and refused to agree. In addition, I asked for my share of the profits for the past two years and that I’d be part of the business going forward while I was going to college.
This has made life extremely difficult for my dad. My uncle is extremely resentful that only one grandchild gets a huge stake. And my dad is now paying me my share of the profits for the past two years out of his own pocket just to keep the peace.
AITJ? Maybe if I was on better terms with my father, I’d be open to their plan.
But I feel that he decided to force me to give up my life with my mom and he can deal with the consequences.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, there might be a small moral element to this if there wasn’t one huge hiccup.
They didn’t already have things set up to accrue your share of the profits, they were just taking them for themselves! Not to mention, I wouldn’t believe for a second that they’d be planning on sharing the business with your cousins. Maybe in their own wills, but either way everyone except them would be shafted!
I strongly suggest you get your lawyer to handle any further discussion of the business and make sure you keep getting your third. Then enjoy your college experience and stay with your mother during the holidays now that you’re an adult!” Remarkable-Intern-41
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
whatever the reasons – you need your full one-third entitlement back to the day you inherited and your inheritance is yours yours yours! – and likely to be worth considerably more than your father and uncle have offered so far. Get a fair legal valuation of the business as a going concern and let them buy you out in a tax-efficient way so that you do not have to stay in contact, be part of the daily running of the business or be liable if they run things into the ground – then go and have the life you want to have securely set up for life if done right.” Seriouslydude-no-way
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and this is about business. It may be a family business but business nonetheless. Grandpa not updating his will is his fault. If it was an issue then they would challenge it in court but they haven’t. As far as you being an active member of the company be careful and do what’s in your best interests.
That may be being an active partner or just monitoring the books every quarter to make sure your share of the profits isn’t being misused or cut short and everything is on the up and up. It’s for you to decide.” WinEquivalent4069
And I'd bet much that the reason they're putting so much pressure on you now is they've been doing shady stuff and don't want to be caught. I'd also bet much that that's why they haven't contrsted the will, because that would probably trigger an audit and they'd be found out. Stick to your guns and don't cave on anything.
Good luck!
