People Try To Listen To Criticism In These 'Am I The Jerk?' Stories
22. AITJ For Blaming My Dad And Stepmother For My Stepsiblings' Hurt Feelings?
“My dad and stepmother got married when I (17f) was 7 and my brother (19m) was 9.
My stepmother had two kids of her own who were 2 and 4 at the time. Our other parents are dead. Their dad and my mom. Their dad died while my stepmother was pregnant. My mom died 19 months before my dad remarried. The only extended family my brother and I had was our mom’s side and when dad remarried he insisted my stepsiblings had to be included or they couldn’t see us.
Grandparents’ rights were not available at the time so my grandparents agreed but they made it clear to dadthat they were only including our steps because they loved us and wanted to see us.
So whenever we saw our grandparents, my stepsiblings did, and they grew attached despite my grandparents never feeling any different.
My stepsiblings were a way to see my brother and me, not more grandkids or family in any way than my grandparents. It was the same for the rest of my extended family. They were treated fine but they were never loved or wanted.
Grandpa died in 2020 and my grandma died a month ago.
Grandpa’s funeral was done over Zoom but Grandma’s wasn’t. My stepmother tried to send my stepsiblings up to the grandkid section at the funeral but an aunt and uncle stepped in and said it was only for grandkids. After the (nonreligious) service each grandkid got our “grandkid inheritance” which was a lovingly made memory book that our grandparents did for us and had entries up until the day before grandma died.
My stepsiblings got nothing.
This devastated them and there has been an atmosphere ever since. My dad and stepmother were furious and went crazy on my aunts and uncles about letting it happen. Then my dad told me I needed to show some sibling love and loyalty and take a stand against my extended family but I refused. My dad told me that wasn’t okay and that I could not be so selfish.
My stepmother said I owed it to my stepsiblings. I told them none of this was my fault and I would not turn away from my family over it. They said I was choosing my extended family. I told them they were my family. I will not push them away.
They said it was cruel what they let happen. I said it was their (dad and stepmother’s) fault in the first place. I told my stepmother she knew my grandparents only included her kids because they wanted to see me and my brother and that dad had made them do it.
I said they should never have let the kids believe they were grandkids to my grandparents. They were the cruel ones knowing my family had never loved the kids. And I said I would not stand against my family over this.
They flipped over me blaming them and they said my brother and I lacked empathy and compassion like our extended family did.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Essentially your dad held you and your brother hostage and forced your grandparents to accept and entertain the children of the woman who married their son-in-law, not even 2 years after their daughter’s death. What a horrible thing to do.
This mess is entirely your dad & stepmom’s fault. Did they also force you to call her mom?” Apprehensive_War9612
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I’m with you on this; Dad messed up. He made it incredibly difficult for your grandparents to form any real relationship with the kids, since he was using you as a cudgel to force them in where they weren’t welcome, and also gave the kids an expectation of a relationship that never really had a reason to exist. The kids didn’t do anything wrong.
You didn’t do anything wrong. Your extended family didn’t do anything wrong. Your dad and stepmom managed to engineer the worst situation and they’re blaming everyone else for it. It is *rich* to tell someone they can’t see their departed daughter’s children unless they also see her husband’s new stepkids and then turn around and accuse *you* of lacking empathy and compassion.
I’m sorry for your loss.” dryadduinath
Another User Comments:
“I know that you are not going to like what I have to say but I feel so bad for your step-siblings. They have loved your grandparents from such young ages and when they were growing up they would not understand the dynamics of everything going on.
I have a step-grandmother, and though we have a great relationship and we are close there have been a few times she called me step-granddaughter and it killed me.” Logical_Read9153
21. AITJ For Hating My Late Mother's Best Friend Who Is Now Going Out With My Abusive Father?
“I’m 16, I’m the oldest of three(4 and 15) about one year ago my mother passed away from ALS, her death was coming but unexpected for my sister and Imeas no one told us what she had (I didn’t find out until three months after her death that she even had ALS).
She was my favorite person in the world, she was kind and forgiving, and just everything good a person could be. Her death hit me hard and it genuinely broke something in me. The night she passed away her best friend Susie (fake name) came over to tell us and support us, I called some of her other friends and they all came over and we talked about her and everything we loved about her.
Here’s where the issue starts. About one month after her death I noticed my dad and her “best friend” Susie had become a lot closer. It was obvious they were flirting and it made everyone in my family super uncomfortable.
After a bit, I confronted my dad about it and he told me they were together.
They have been on and off, fighting, threatening to call the cops on each other, calling each other horrid names and all that. My dad is not a nice person; he is a manipulative abusive jerk and I can’t wait until I’m 18 so I can leave, I never doubted he was treating Susie the same way.
That being said she keeps coming back, there was one night I told her everything he had done to me and she told me she would help me get emancipated (they got back together about a week after that.) Every time my dad is with her they fight, he becomes hostile and mean and it’s gotten to a point where even if he doesn’t tell me I know they are back together because of how he acts.
We are constantly getting into fights and they always result in him telling me I’m the jerk because “it’s common for people to see their late best friend.” He says that they both went through horrid things (she was broken up with when my mom died. Not the same at all) and they bonded. I don’t know what to do anymore, he is constantly yelling and fighting with everyone in my family when he’s with her, she pushes me out and interrupts me when I try to talk, and she is trying to get my 4-year-old sister to see her as her mom, she even lies to my dad saying things like “they were talking negatively about you when we went on that trip” and she said SHE was the one to call all of those people over the night my mom died which is a lie as I was the one who did.
Am I the jerk for hating her and fighting CONSTANTLY with my dad about it?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. What you are is a grieving child who had lost her mom. Your dad and mom’s best friend are grieving her loss too, but probably not in a very healthy way.
Since they are making it harder for your kids to grieve your mom disregarded them and their feelings, they are SUPPOSED to be the adults who take care of the kids and they are failing miserably. Tell them that you need grief counseling. If they don’t listen tell an advisor at school, keep telling people until someone gets you and your siblings into therapy.
Tell any aunts, uncles, grandparents, cousins, teachers, coaches, clergy… until it happens.” Lovebeingadad54321
Another User Comments:
“NTJ At this point though, I’d just keep out of it, focus on school, getting a job, and getting the F outta there. I’m sorry about your mom, I lost mine a couple of years back and even at 40, it’s been the hardest thing ever, so I understand that.
I’m also sorry that your dad isn’t very nice and that you’re having to deal with this BS at just 16.” [deleted]
20. AITJ For Refusing To Pay For A Plumber My Father Initially Offered To Cover?
“I (23M) currently live in an apartment that is in my father’s name but was supposed to be our (me and my brother’s) inheritance.
So, the idea is to sell the apartment and split the proceeds between me and my brother, as my father once intended. Currently, he is showing more and more signs of second-guessing the decision to leave the proceeds to us, instead claiming that he also should have a third split of the proceeds, while also dictating the “rules” on what we will do with our share.
So, now that you have some context on the current situation, let me explain what happened this week. I got a notice from the neighbor below that there was water dripping from my apartment to theirs since it was a rough month and I currently have almost no money left, I talked to them and explained that I couldn’t afford a plumber right now, but was sure the issue was my washing tank or my laundry machine, based on where the dripping was happening, and so they agreed to wait while I promised to not use any of those things in this period.
So, here comes my father, who already knows about the issue because the neighbor also contacted him (they know I’m his son), b explained the situation and said that I would wait a little bit until I got the money, but he offered to pay for the plumber since it is a problem with the apartment itself, I agreed.
Fast forward to today, the plumber showed up in the middle of my work time as I work from home, he explained that was here for the dripping problem so I let him in knowing my father probably sent him but forgot to warn me.
After he is done, he exits the apartment and then I get bombarded with messages from my father claiming that he will not pay for the plumber since the issue was caused by, in his words, irresponsibility (the problem was the washing tank was clogged).
He said that I should know that the washing tank should only be used with water and only water. I let him know that HE was the one who sent the plumber and offered to pay the bill even when I was willing to pay if he would just wait a bit.
So, here’s where I might be the jerk: I refused to pay and said that he was not a man of his word if he said he would pay and now isn’t. I even told him to try to not lie the next time, and this got him angry, so angry he swore at me and called me a son of a mean woman and told me to go for myself.
Now, he and my brother are saying that I overreacted and could have chosen different words to not offend him this much.
So, am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. If this was real life and you were renting that apartment – the super would have called in a plumber immediately to protect the tenants under you, and YOU would have had to pay the bill for the appliance that you aren’t maintaining properly.
Grown-ups take responsibility. Your father is under no obligation to gift you that apartment and is likely rethinking that whole idea.” ChillyFootballChick7
19. AITJ For Letting My Kids Choose To Live With Me Full Time?
“I (40m) have been divorced from my ex-wife (38f) for 10 years. We share two children ages 13 and 12. Per our court-ordered custody order, once the children are 12 (or older) they have the right to say no to going to the other parent’s house and as long as we send that decision in written format (email, through the app or letter that has a copy) to the parent the children do not want to stay with anymore.
I chose to use the co-parenting app to communicate our kids’ decision to stay with me.
My ex-wife hates the decision and has accused me of coming between our kids and her family and not promoting a healthy home life for our shared children. Of course, she’d be upset and wouldn’t like it.
This is not the first she knew they felt this way. Last year she complained that the kids had asked to stay with me instead of going to her house. But she accused me of making the decision for them and letting them avoid their family.
Some background to explain dynamics: Our divorce was not due to infidelity or any mistreatment. We were just not a good couple and we’d mostly married for the wrong reasons and tried staying together because she got pregnant twice. But it wasn’t working. She remarried 8 years ago and has three additional children who are 5 and under.
I brought our kids to meet their half-siblings at the hospital or set up Zoom calls for them to meet after birth (during a difficult time) because I had custody when my ex had her three other children. I was blamed for our kids’ lack of enthusiasm even though I did bring them and I even brought a small gift from our kids to their new sibling.
My kids never liked my ex-husband. He avoided me completely so I never spoke to him (and I did attempt to once or twice) but I also know my ex’s sister hates him and she and my ex no longer speak because of this. My kids and ex’s relationship struggled since the birth of their first half-sibling.
They use half. She hates it. She punished them for using it and they said they weren’t doing anything wrong which drove her crazy. She took me back to court and asked for full custody at the time because she believed it came from me.
The judge dismissed her claims. But it didn’t change how much the kids hated being there. I think the only reason our oldest didn’t ask to stop a year ago is because of their sibling.
My ex has mentioned how all of this is my fault and if I had nipped the half in the bud and made them see they have two dads, none of this would be happening, she’d have the family she deserves.
And she said that I was denying her younger kids the chance to know their siblings by letting our kids live with me.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Blended families are always a delicate balance. The moment she started pushing for her idea of what her children should or should not feel, she forfeited the game.
If your court order stipulates that it’s up to the children at X age, then it’s up to the children at that age, and if she has an issue (especially a problem she caused), then she can go back to court to ask for family counseling.
No way the court will issue mandated visits unless she can prove there’s more going on than “my kids hate me because I suck at parenting” savinathewhite
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but I’m confused about ow you can communicate the decision through the app.
Did the kids not have to tell a judge their decision? That opens her up to blame you so of course she did. Regardless, you sound pretty decent, bringing a gift for the new siblings was thoughtful. The best for everyone would be if you can maintain custody since that’s what they want, but encourage them to visit from time to time and form relationships with the stepsibs, and with her as much as possible.
Promise you will come get them any time they want. The kids are still very young and encouraging them to form family bonds on the other side is worthwhile. If no good comes out of it after a year or so, stop for a while but then try again.
Let them know your goal is for them to be happy, and you don’t want them to have regrets later. That it’s okay to love them, and if it needs to be with boundaries you will help them enforce those boundaries. They may worry that if they find anything they like about being with that side of the family they will be made to live there, so help them understand that is not the case.
You WANT them to enjoy time with their mom & sibs but as long as they decide to stay with you, that’s how it will be. Good luck.” Ok-Position7403
18. AITJ For Ignoring The Locksmith Who's Making Me Uncomfortable?
“I (23f) have a terrible habit of locking myself out of the house and have had to call a locksmith twice in two months.
This older man showed up (I chose his company as it was far cheaper than other quotes – he has 50 Google reviews that are all glowing) with his two grandchildren the first time, can’t get the deadbolt open and drills it open for me.
Yesterday, I had to call again for the door lock, and he came and opened it.
He always makes some small talk and I’m too anxious to not continue chatting, but I thought it was a fairly normal interaction, and he asked if I wanted him to replace the deadbolt he drilled into the last time. I tell him I can’t afford it, assume that’s it, and then he leaves.
This is where it gets sketchy, he texts me afterward “Nice to meet you again” as he texted me after the first time but I never responded as I was busy. I text back, “Thanks!”, and suddenly he asks if I’d like for him to replace my lock for free.
I was slightly taken aback and asked “Are you sure?” as I definitely couldn’t afford it but would feel safer with the deadbolt, to which he said of course, do you know why? And makes me guess why he wants to help me. This was probably the point I should have told him never mind but I honestly didn’t think he meant harm.
English is not his first language.
He asked to come now, which I said sure as I was home, but then asked if he could bring me food which I was not okay with, and politely declined. He arrives, starts fixing my door, and asks me questions about what I do for work, etc, I’m more sketched out and concerned at this point so I redirect and ask about him.
He tells me he doesn’t have a wife and doesn’t live with family, and then all about the band he’s in and says I should come to watch him play sometime, to which I decline, which he doesn’t accept (???). He insists that I should play with them sometime and I say oh…..
maybe, since I don’t want to confront him. As I leave and say sorry I have plans, he continues to say we will keep in touch and chat, talk to you soon, etc.
He texted me “Good morning. How are you” this morning, which I didn’t want to respond to nor know how to respond.
He followed it up in the afternoon with “I texted you good morning but you didn’t respond. Sad face. Have a good night.”
I am so so so uncomfortable but I don’t know what to do. I don’t want to respond, but what if he is just a lonely old guy?
But what if he’s dangerous and now he knows my address and how to get into my apartment?
WIBTJ if I don’t respond to him at all??”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. He’s way overstepped himself and seems to think you making friendly chit chat was you flirting with him.
If it were me I’d just block him, but you could also send a quick “Thanks for the help, I’m not interested in anything, have a nice life” or whatever and then block him. If possible, hide a key somewhere outside in case you lock yourself out again, since it seems to be a bad habit.
They sell fake rocks for this, or you could stick it somewhere only you know. Even an extra key in your purse/backpack may work.” Caspian4136
17. AITJ For Refusing To Teach A Neglected Kid How To Swim At The Pool?
“I (23f) go to a swimming pool once or twice a week. It’s a way for me to do physical exercise and to take my mind off school or just life in general.
The pool that I go to has two pools: one for fun and one for “real” swimming if you see what I mean.
The “real” pool has two different sides, one where people swim seriously and one where people learn how to swim. I normally go to the “serious” part. You aren’t supposed to stop in the serious one or to go if you can’t swim well because it’s pretty deep (3-4 meters I think).
Yesterday, I was swimming as I usually do, and at some point, I started doing backstroke. At one point, I felt my hand hitting something, so I turned back to see what it was and I saw a kid that was about 6 or 7. I apologized for hitting him because I didn’t see him, and told him that he was not supposed to stop in this lane because other people might hit him too.
As I talk to him I notice that he isn’t swimming well and is struggling a lot. I decide to get out of the pool with him and look for his parents.
After looking around the pool for a while I find his mother. At this pool, if you’re accompanying a child you can get in for free if you don’t swim, and that’s what the mom did so she wasn’t swimming and was waiting while looking on her phone.
I told her that she should look after her son because it was pretty dangerous for him to be in such a deep pool when he couldn’t swim very well and that he could get hit by swimmers.
She looked at me a bit annoyed. She said, “It’s okay he’s just a kid”.
I told her that I wasn’t upsetwitht him and that I was just concerned for his safety. She told me that if I was so concerned, when I saw a child struggling to swim I could’ve helped him and taught him. I simply said that it wasn’t my role, but she sort of insisted, said that she saw me swimming pretty often, and asked that I teach her son.
I told her that I wouldn’t because 1. I’m not a swimming instructor, I have zero training for this 2. I don’t want to be responsible for the boy’s life, if anything happens it’s on me and that’s more pressure than I want 3. I’m not getting paid to do that and 4.
I come here to relax, not teach kids.
She told me that it wasn’t nice that I wasn’t helping her because she couldn’t teach her son (she can’t swim) and I was a good swimmer so it wasn’t difficult for me. I know that I could’ve helped, and maybe at least taught him the basics for like an hour, and a part of me thinks that I should’ve, but also I had my reasons for refusing.
I’m not sure if that makes me a bad person or not… AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Let the lifeguard/pool do their job. Inform them that an unsupervised minor is struggling to swim, blocking the swim lane, and creating hazards for himself and others.
A disappointed kid is better than a dead one – poor mom can get off her phone long enough to learn that lesson *without* having to watch her kid go through CPR.” Kaynico
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – do not let her guilt you into teaching her son swimming.
Apart from the fact you aren’t trained? I guarantee anything goes wrong then you’ll be made out to be the reason. If she wants her son to learn how to swim? She can find a qualified and insured instructor!” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Let me get this straight: this mother brought her son to a pool. The son can’t swim. The mother can’t swim. The mother can’t be bothered to pay attention to her son at a pool, where the potential for him to injure himself (or worse) is significant.
When you, a stranger, bring this mothertoo er son and explain where he is and why it was a bad idea for him to be there when he cannot swim, this mother decides it’s acceptable to suggest that you (again, a stranger who does *not* work for the pool) teach her son how to swim.
If I have that right, then your course is clear. Report her to the pool staff. They’re in a much better position to deal with her nonsense than you. Again, just to be clear, you are NTJ.” Nevermore_Novelist
16. AITJ For Hiding My ADHD Diagnosis And Treatment From My Doctor Mother?
“I always felt ostracized since I was a kid.
Often dealt with people my age rejecting me. I was almost always the black sheep of the classroom (Talking too much, obsessing over stuff, acting “weird” and hyper”).
– Also had problems focusing and was emotional
– Ended up developing social anxiety in high school. Limited my talking unless I was very comfortable with my interlocutors.
– All chaos broke loose in the first year of college. My dog (best friend) died suddenly, leaving me very depressed.
– Meet with a psychiatrist for the first time and he gave me a very tame anxiolytic (Nothing like Xanax)
– Show the prescription to my mother (which was passing by in my college town at the time).
My mother is a generalist doctor takes it away without telling me.
– The psychiatrist gets me a new prescription that I keep secret from my mother
– A few months later, I wonder whether I have ADHD. The psychiatrist thinks it is a possibility and asked me to get tested so he can help me
– Ask my mother to help me pay for the test and tell her about my ADHD suspicions
– She proceeded tell me that there had been suspicions since I was 5 but they (her and my dad) never did anything about it. When I say that I want the treatment she tells me that this is not for me.
That the treatment is for extreme cases (Which is not true at all) of kids who can’t function in society without it. She told me Ritalin would make me addicted and that it wouldn’t help me at all.
– I cried because I had been feeling awful.
I’m hurt that no one told me I potentially had ADHD. I’m hurt that I’m being denied help
– I guess she felt bad because she agreed to help me pay for the test. Turns out I HAVE ADHD (and depression but that’s beside the point)
– She doesn’t accept the diagnosis, saying it’s probably not true anyway (I believe she is in denial)
– So I continued to seek treatment alone and in secret for ADHD. Now I finally got my hand on Ritalin and I’m pretty pleased about it.
My mother doesn’t know I continued seeking treatment.
I don’t like keeping secrets like that, especially since she is a doctor too. I would like to tell her about it and I feel sad that I have to keep information from her. Besides, she paid for ADHD tests and currently pays for therapy (Once every 2-3 weeks currently) which I’m grateful for.
But I’m pretty sure she will be upset if she learns I disregarded her opinion in favor of the psychiatrist’s. Especially since she took one of his prescriptions, doesn’t believe I have real mental health issues, and thinks Ritalin will be bad for me.
I don’t want to damage our relationship, I don’t want to argue.
So basically, I think I plan on not telling her. But I feel like I’m a jerk for doing that when she always took care of me and paid for the ADHD test.
So WIBTJ ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. The fact that you could have had a diagnosis and treatment for your ADHD nearly 15 years ago and your mother, who should have known better, withheld that from you is at least in part why you’re struggling so much now.
She is essentially forcing you to keep this secret by trying to keep you from getting the help you need, which is abusive and gross. Particularly the fact that she took away the medicine you were prescribed by a doctor. You are not her patient and should not be her patient.
You are an adult now, which entitles you to privacy when it comes to your health. Protect yourself and your wellbeing.” hannahkelli
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I know that it can sometimes be comforting to share medical concerns with your parents, but in this case, your mother does NOT have your best interests at heart.
She only cares about her opinions, regardless of how that affects you. Grey rock her, keep the diagnosis priva,te and let her go on imagining whatever it is she needs to prove to herself that you’re a normal, neurotypical person.” Dragon_Queen_666
15. AITJ For Getting Back With My Partner And Ruining His Friendship With Our Mutual Friend?
“My friend (we’ll call her Millie) and I have been friends since high school, and our partner (we’ll call him Owen) has been together just as long.
Millie and I always had a kind of rocky friendship. She was your classic crisis friend, and she had done sneaky things through the years around my partner that I overlooked way too quickly. Eg: as most high school couples do, we broke up once after we went la long distance, he came back to town and she took a picture with him and sent it to me.
Secretly went and met him behind my back.
Anyways, around 3 years ago Owen and I moved in together, and in typical crisis friend fashion, she needed a place to stay and moved in with us for about 6 months waiting for her new place. There were a few signs I overlooked during that time too, but I wasn’t too worried as I trusted Owen completely.
After that, we were basically inseparable. They ‘both’ like cars, and so more often than not we were all out for drives together.
We broke up early into the year due to a few reasons, and a few months before had both fallen out with Millie after she was rude and extremely disrespectful to him while he was (once again) fixing her car for free after another crash.
We both made up with her on our own and were both fine with the situation until she started mentioning one to the other.
After a month or so of this, Owen and I began reconnecting and sorting things out, which she didn’t seem too happy about.
We eventually began discussing her and figured out she was doing more than smack-talking both of us, she was intentionally trying to get us with other people knowing just how hurt we both still were over each other, and on top of that, she had been trying to make moves with him.
Neither of us spoke to her for a few days as I wasn’t sure how to handle it, and he didn’t want to start anything in case she kicked off with me. She texted him asking ‘what was going on’ and at this point, I told him to do what he wanted, so he confronted her.
I got a different ‘I’ve reached out too many times take care I’m blocking you both’ type message. I texted her back telling her I wasn’t ignoring her to be rude, I just didn’t have the energy to deal with the situation and couldn’t understand why she’d intentionally try to hurt us both.
Owen never got a reply, but she went MAD on me. Calling me jealous, saying I ruined their friendship, ‘wormed my way back into his life’ and all sorts of names. I feel like I’m right, but something about it just eats at me.
So, AITJ for getting back with him and ruining their friendship?”
Another User Comments:
“You’re not at fault. Millie’s behavior crossed boundaries, and you had every right to prioritize your relationship. Her reaction shows she wasn’t a true friend, so don’t feel guilty for distancing yourself.” Macy-Eden
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Why have enemies with friends like her? Seriously, will you just wait for her to make a move on every guy you see? Block her everywhere and move on with your life.” crystallz2000
14. AITJ For Being Upset Over My Dad's Hurtful Joke?
“So, my dad had made a joke while cooking, he said “I only have one more try with my kids. The other two are worthless.” He has three kids, me and my two brothers. After he said that I practically stormed downstairs sobbing. Before that, I was playing games with my friend and told him I couldn’t help with dinner.
He mumbled a bit about me, saying “Oh it’s so hard to just stop playing games” etc. and that you know, that’s a joke.. it wasn’t offensive or hurtful to me. But once he said I’m worthless, I don’t know, I felt horrible.
My heart dropped and I just didn’t know how to react. Everything I’ve ever wanted from him was validation, but he gave the opposite. I messaged my stepmom saying how that made me feel and she backed him up sby aying, it’s only a joke, he didn’t mean it.
I know all jokes are some version of the truth. I’m very aware of that. So I explained that and they just won’t listen. They tell me I’m valid for feeling how I feel but it was only a joke.
Jokes are supposed to be funny though.
Jokes are supposed to make someone smile. I know I made him feel rad about what he said and I sort of feel ashamed, but he still hasn’t apologized for saying it. I feel like maybe I should get over myself and accept it was just a joke, no matter how mean and hurtful it felt.
It’s just he knows my mental health has been on and off, I’m nowhere near stable. I’m taking medication for it and looking for a therapist. But knowing how I am, he said I’m worthless. I don’t want to look at him, after he said that to me I don’t even feel like trying anymore.
I’ve come to notice when I do things that they don’t realize, it never actually happened. So everything I’ve done and worked on, if they’re not aware of it they gossip behind my back and say I never do anything, I’m such a disappointment.
And the good things I do never seem to matter much if I do one thing wrong. I understand I need to learn but I just don’t see how never praising me and only telling me everything I need to do better will ever help.
I’m going to be 18 in a year and I still don’t know whether or not I’m doing anything right. I only know what I’ve done wrong and I can’t seem to fix it even when I try. Like cleaning my room, it always goes back to dirty…
I got my friend’s advice and they told me no parent should say something like that to their child. I agree but I’m not sure how to approach it.
When I talk to my dad about how I feel he makes me seem like I’m gaslighting him and I’m making him the bad guy.
So I can’t ever get through to him… but maybe I am? Am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“No, NTJ regarding what your dad says. That was childish and uncalled for on his part. The two of you need to sit down and have a heart-to-heart, explaining that what he says hurts you and asking him why he always finds fault with what you do but never praises you for the good things you do.
Counseling would also help. However, you are a jerk for not pausing your game and helping him. You’re 17! Show some responsibility. The game will still be there afterward.” Alicat52
13. AITJ For Refusing To Babysit My Sister Because My Parents Neglect Me?
“My parents had me (15f) when they were 18 and 19. They always made it so obvious they resented being parents so young and added to that they never tried to be good parents. I typically spend most of my time at friends’ houses. I don’t have extended family to rely on, they disowned my parents for having me so young, so friends’ houses were a positive in my life that made me feel more comfortable than being at home with my parents.
My parents never did the typical parent stuff like helping with homework or showing up to support me at school. I don’t think they ever attended a parent conference for me. They ignored a lot of stuff I needed to get signed and I’d have to get right in their face on the last day to get signatures.
My birthday and Christmas have never been a big deal or celebration. They do celebrate their wedding anniversary but that’s a them thing.
When they told me two years ago they were expecting a baby it surprised me but then it hurt because sometimes they said stuff that made me feel like I didn’t exist. Like how they were SO excited to have a baby and how they couldn’t wait to be parents.
A friend of my mom’s did remind her of me but then she and Dad said I was the too-early practice run and this was the real deal. When my sister was born they were so attentive to her that I ceased to exist completely.
I got sick and my school was trying to call someone to pick me up early but they ignored the calls and when I got home they had taken the baby out for a family day. When they got home they hadn’t even realized the school called because they turned off their phones to “enjoy family time”.
My mom quit her job a month after my sister was born. She wants to be a SAHM and she and Dad want at least one more kid. My dad leaves work early on Fridays so he can spend more time with the family (mom and sister).
My parents tried to have another kid for over a year and mom isn’t pregnant yet so they’re jumping to fertility treatments. They told me I needed to watch my sister for a few hours every week while they attended those appointments and they gave me this detailed list of stuff she needed and what I wasm going to do with her.
I told them I wouldn’t and that they had her so they needed to take care of her because she’s not my kid. My parents told me it’s a few hours a week and not a huge deal. Dad told me I needed to look at it as paying back all they did for me.
I said no and told them they don’t give a crap about me so why would I want to help them.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Tell them you’ll do it if they can name your favorite food, favorite color, and best friend. When they can’t, tell them you’ll be giving their baby exactly as much attention as they have given to you over the years.
Give them that wake-up call. They need it. NTJ.” fiestafan73
Another User Comments:
“NTJ start planning your escape now. Also, tell your teachers or guidance counselor about your home life. Tell your parents flat out you will abandon your younger sibling and then call the police if they try to force you to babysit.
Ki,d they are already neglecting you and making your life difficult, what motivation could you possibly have to watch their child? Instead, ad focus on getting certified in a trade or getting into college and getting out of there when you turn 18.” Super_Reading2048
12. AITJ For Telling My Neighbor To Stay Off My Property And Not Caring About His Fence?
“Neighbor clears forest (on his property) up to my back door, and installs one of those wire fences, supported with those green metal fence posts. In the process of his land clearing, he comes onto our property and pushes trees over a trail that I had cut out to transport my kayak to the river (our property)Also digs out a large hole in the beginning of the trail, in my opinion, to clearly show that he doesn’t want me using it.
I show the man fire insurance (GIS) maps of the surrounding land plots which clearly show that he has messed up something on our property. He argues that “the maps are outdated I own that land”… When I pointed out to him that the map was updated at the beginning of the year, the only reply I receive is crickets.
(I believe he filled in the massive hole he created with stones (fair… thank you for trying to fix it).
A year goes by, and I notice that he has begun cutting down bushes and small sapling trees on my side of the fence (where we can’t directly see anything from inside the house) and just leaving them there on our property, (I assume he did this because he has some planter boxes near there and was worried about these small bushes and saplings blocking sunlight.
(from planter boxes that didn’t have anything in them) I very politely explained to him through text that although I am a renter, I have been at that property for over 10 years (not any of his business but was trying to explain where I am coming from) and that I, nor anyone else that lives in our home, would go onto his property, and start cutting bushes and trees and just leaving them there in the yard.
He sends a very short “I understand” text back, no apology…..
4 more months go by. It is Spring. Only had 2 opportunities to mow our massive lawn before the riding mower breaks. So our grass is long at the moment, as I am trying to find a used ride for cheap.
The neighbor sends me a text along the lines of “Do you mind getting your grass off of my fence”…. Mind you the other side of the fence (his property) is mostly dirt, with random piles of junk lying everywhere that we have had to look at for the last 7 or 8 years (never mentioned anything about this to him….
I try very hard to keep to myself, and mind my business)….. Now, after these things considered (and a couple of other incidents I didn’t list here) my text response back to him was not so polite. I explained to him that his fence was not my priority or responsibility.
And I couldn’t care less what happens to his wire fence…My thought is that have politely asked this guy to stay off of my property… That he’s just going to make things difficult for me. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Can you contact your landlord and tell them you’re having some issues with the neighbor and the propety?
Will the landlord you’ll pay for a land survey if he/ she can approve it? Or contact the township and see if they have the most updated land survey for BOTH properties?” somebodysmom67
Another User Comments:
“Get a surveyor to mark the property. It’s not cheap but the authorities respect it.
Give him a copy and tell him you are ready to take legal action. I did this with a neighbor on a rental property I own and it was expensive but ended that problem. If you ever sell you can’t have any ambiguity.” Bubbly-Dinner8462
11. AITJ For Wanting To Confront My Father-In-Law About Stealing From Us?
“My husband and I just found out that in the past two months, his father has stolen in total about $800 from his banking account, $400 of which was between September 28th-October 8th. He had been pulling the money out the day he got paid so we didn’t realize (before anyone asks how he had access, they opened up the account together when he was 14 and he didn’t expect his father to steal from him so he never made it a point to take his name off the account).
On October 8th he pulled out $200, and it was the first time we noticed, which is what caused me to look and find all the other transactions. He called his dad who made some nonsense response that he needed it for bills and would get it back into our account the next day (which didn’t happen).
We hit a rough patch in early September due to my being ordered on bed rest, we very quickly went from a two-income household to a single income and we had to scrape things together to make it work.
We thought we were struggling, but it turned out my husband’s father was just stealing from us.
I can’t even imagine how vile of a human being you have to be to listen to your son and his 8-month-pregnant wife talk about their financial struggles, all the while knowing you’re taking food from their mouths. I can’t even imagine the pain and anger my husband is dealing with right now.
FIL and his wife got into a pretty massive argument last month because she had been sending him money for all the bills (she’s the breadwinner) and he had been going and spending it all on his “coin collection”, leaving their mortgage and electric bill unpaid.
From the time that argument happened to current, he has taken about $600, so I can only assume that he’s doing it to save his face and marriage.
There’s no way his wife has any idea about this, she has truly been a blessing to my husband and I throughout all of this, and she would rather starve herself than take money from her children (I had stayed with my in-laws a few weeks while we were moving and she refused to let me pay rent for the time I was there).
She is already on her last leg with him.
So, would I be the jerk if we confronted him with all the transactions in front of his wife? I want her to know exactly the kind of man she married. Part of me wonders if that’s too far, but the other part of me is honestly too angry to care.
I just cannot believe a person could be so foul to his flesh and blood.”
Another User Comments:
“You need to secure your finances and lock your credit. You needed to secure them yesterday. After that, you can make any decisions as to what you want to do.
I suspect you will find the situation is way more complicated than it seems, the “coin collection” could be the least of the issues. Once your FIL doesn’t have a secondary source of funds or a “safety net” I suspect he will come begging and you will start to see at least a tiny bit more about what is going on.
Even at that point, I doubt you will see it all. At that stage, it might not be a case of telling the wife “because he is a bad person” but more of a case of needing to audit the finances for a rescue. God only knows if there is credit card debt, various loans, redraws, or sale of assets, see what I mean?
Secure your finances, lock down your credit, and then see where this all takes you. Oh NTJ.” Something-bothersome
Another User Comments:
“You would not be the jerk. His wife deserves to know that he’s stealing so that she can protect herself. Otherwise, he’ll ruin *her* finances too.
You would not be blowing up his life. *He* is the one blowing up his life by stealing. You have no obligation to protect him from the natural consequences of his bad choices. Here’s a saying I heard once that sums that up: “The light is never to blame for the roaches in the pantry.” It’s okay to tell his wife facts about his misdeeds.” eefr
Another User Comments:
“If it’s a joint account, the law says it’s not theft. He can take and spend whatever, legally. Get the account changed or open a new one. But if he’s taken 800 from you and 600 from his wife, something’s wrong: bad habits, gambling, bad debt to a loan shark, *something*.
An obsessive coin collection is possible, but weird. Whatever it is, however, his wife has to be informed. Too much is at stake. I think you have to tell her, at least, even if it blows up their lives. You would not be the jerk.” _s1m0n_s3z
10. AITJ For Asking My Friend To Change Her Risqué Halloween Costume For Trick-Or-Treating?
“I (21f) have been friends with a girl I’ll call Ellie (21f) since we were like 12. We’re very close, but we are also very different. She loves going out, being with her friends, going to clubs, and getting inebriated, and I love being with my family, having chill nights with my friends, or going to brunch.
That being said, there is absolutely no judgment, she’s in college, and it’s normal to want to have fun.
We were discussing our plans for Halloween and she told me she’d love to do something together. I was planning on going trick-or-treating with my younger sister (9f), and she said she had planned on going clubbing with friends.
We both wanted to spend Halloween together, so we decided on a compromise: she would come trick-or-treating with my sister and me, and then we’d go clubbing together.
This was a while ago, maybe two or three weeks. We also talked about what costumes to wear, and she told me she already had an idea of what she wanted to wear.
I just told her nothing inappropriate”, jokingly, with the winking emoji.
Yesterday, she FaceTimed me to show me the outfit she had chosen. I was shocked with how it looked. She looked awesome, but I told her that her outfit wasn’t appropriate to trick or treat with children.
I told her that it was amazing for the club, but maybe not to be around children and parents. She told me that there was nothing inappropriate, she was dressed as a devil like many people/kids. I said that I felt like it wasn’t very appropriate and asked if she could wear a different outfit to go trick or treating and then change at my house before going to the club.
She got very mad at me and said that I was calling her a loose woman and that I was just jealous because I couldn’t pull off this outfit and wasn’t as pretty as her, and I didn’t want her to get more attention than me.
I barely replied because I didn’t know what to say. I’m saying this again, I have no problem with the outfit itself, and this is not me trying to control what she can or can’t wear. I’m just saying, we’re going to be surrounded by children so it feels inappropriate.
I don’t necessarily feel like my request was unreasonable but I can understand why it feels controlling to her. I don’t know. Am I in the wrong here?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your concerns all revolve around what the (young) kids will be exposed to.
There is a time and place for that outfit, but not with 9-year-olds. It’s a mark of your maturity that you can see that. You also approached her respectfully, explaining why her costume wasn’t the best choice for trick-or-treating. You put the consideration of others first. And in this case, since her R-rated costume wasn’t child-friendly, you were the adult in the room when your friend wasn’t.
Your friend’s blown-up reaction is also telling of her maturity. It was her wants, above all, and she had a tantrum when she didn’t get her way.” 4th_chakra
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Different activities have different standards for how to dress, and what is or isn’t appropriate.
She knows it’s a risque costume and is being defensive because you pointed that out. Saying “it’s just a devil” and acting like it’s the same as any other devil costume is playing dumb so she can act like you’re in the wrong, for telling her something she didn’t want to hear.” ElBurroEsparkilo
Another User Comments:
“Ntj. Anyone who wears that kind of outfit around young children on purpose is kinda icky. It’s great for adult company and clubbing, but 100% not the correct fashion for an event with multiple minors. And the comments made to you after?
This girl is not your friend. You’re the frumpy accessory she uses to try to make herself look even hotter by comparison.” Miiesha
9. AITJ For Clashing With My Friend Over Our Different Values And Communication Styles?
“I (M26) have known this friend (F 28) for a few months now.
We used to see each other a bit, but nothing exclusive or too serious and we stopped a few days ago. She always tended to cut me off to correct me on the type of language I used. Sometimes because I’m being too vulgar for her taste, other times because she feels like I’m imposing my opinion when I’m just expressing it.
(For instance, one time, I said I liked the architecture of the neighborhood we were in and thought it’d be nice if the city I live in had a more diverse architecture. She corrected me, telling me I should not want to change the world to fit with my pastes).
She invited me to her friend’s birthday. I did not know anyone but her there, and I was excited to meet new people. I arrive and I start chatting with the people around me. I overhear the guy in front of me commenting about how ridiculous one of his coworkers is for wanting to quit her job, which requires 9 years of school, to become a hairdresser instead.
The type of degree she would have to get is the one my brother got (he’s not a hairdresser, it’s just the same type of formation), he was not good in school, and a lot of people around us looked at him for that very reason.
My friend is aware that this is the kind of thing I take seriously. I don’t like it when people look down on others for doing low-paying jobs, not getting higher education, or deciding to focus on something besides money and prestige. I decide not to react to it right away, but everything this guy says is of the same type.
He talks about how cool it is that everything administrative in my country is going online, I point out that it’s an issue for people who can’t read and the elderly. He answers “Well, you can’t have a revolution without sacrificing a few people”.
I start feeling myself get angry, and I can see he’s enjoying it, which annoys me even more.
As we’re leaving the bar, I take my friend aside to tell her I was annoyed by his original comment, the one about hairdressers. Her answer is “You don’t have to agree”. After every time she corrected me for my way of talking, this annoyed me.
So I answer “Yeah, everyone has the right to a be huge jerk”. And then I leave the party, saying I’m tired to her friends. We’ve been fighting over texts since, she insists that I should just have taken it as a joke, that it’s all in good f, un, and that he’s like that with everyone.
I’m hurt that after every time she chose to correct me on speech, she does not see any issue with that. I would have taken the joke, but not from someone who insists my way of talking is wrong.
We’ve cut the relationship off since, but I feel guilty.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – so everyone (her friend for eg) is entitled to an opinion, but you need to provide evidence for yours and argue for its validity, and also you need to just laugh it off when you feel hurt or belittled?
Oh and you also can’t challenge the views of anyone you disagree with, but she absolutely can and does, and shames you by suggesting you’re controlling and domineering? This is hypocrisy and she can’t have it both ways. Either we all accept our opinion is just our opinion, discuss and agree to differ, or we debate the rights and wrongs of every position we take and then cut people out who are opposed. TLDR; she’s not a consistent person and it seems like she enjoys knocking your corners off.” MystickPisa
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – she, like the jerk friend of hers, likes to feel superior. You liking architecture and wanting to have more of it that you can enjoy is not demanding that the world changes for you, that is ridiculous. This ex-friend constantly puts you down and makes up stupid excuses to tell you that you are “wrong”, even expecting you to repeatedly accept being insulted by her friends.
She has issues of her own, whether it is simply a superiority complex or she feels inferior to her friends, taking it out on you. Either way, she treats you and the people that you are standing up for, terribly. Stop allowing her to mistreat you – point out that she is the one who refuses to stand up for others, instead only saying belittling things to pretend that she is “right” and then explain that this is the reason that you are cutting her off completely.
OP, she is not a good person, not even a half-decent one – it is not just her friends that look down on others, she has her head so far up her backside that stomach acid has dissolved the empathetic part of her brain. You deserve better than her, my take has always been that people putting others down to get their way and to feel superior only place themselves below the targets by their own awful, ill-intentioned behavior.” BENSLAYER
8. AITJ For Not Wanting To Attend My Estranged Grandfather's Funeral?
“I (21F) have lived with my Maternal Grandmother pretty much my whole life. Her husband passed away about a decade ago so it’s pretty much just been me and her. My parents never had much to do with me. My mother is a whole other story but this is about my paternal family.
My father had substance use issues from when I was born till maybe I was 17 and at some point ended up moving back to his hometown (which is 4 hours away from where I live) and he never consistently kept in touch nor visited. His parents only came to visit maybe twice a year if I was “lucky”.
They have other grandchildren who have grown up in the area that they see practically every week, but I’ve always thought in my head they only came out to see me when they needed an ego boost. I may just have my head screwed on the wrong way about it, but they just came to town and tried to fix my problems in a day.
To put it in perspective, I haven’t seen them since my high school graduation. They always had condescending comments whenever they called me (I’ve had to work 2 full-time jobs since I was 17 to support myself, so when I had no “super fun” life updates, they always said I was a stick in the mud and needed to live a little)
This leads me to today, my “father” called my maternal grandmother yesterday and said his father passed away. Tragic, yes. But now I am expected to take off work from both of my jobs to drive 8 hours (round trip) for this funeral. I genuinely don’t want to go and start drama (I’m not a touchy nor emotional person, so I think I would just go, sit in the back away from everyone, and leave without saying a word the second it’s over) plus I haven’t seen my father in years and I don’t want him to think with me going that it opens a door for him to communicate with me.
My paternal family is huge, I just have nothing to do with any of them and I don’t really think I’ll be missed. My maternal grandmother (while I love her to death and she is my best friend) is practically guilt-tripping me by saying “I NEED to be there”, which led to a bit of an argument between us, in which she said I would regret not going, which I think I would regret going more than not.
But I just genuinely don’t feel like it’s worth the trouble for people who didn’t necessarily put in the effort for me. I mean at the end of the day these people saw what my father did to me my entire childhood and still defended him and never understood why I felt/feel the way I did/do, and still tried to force a relationship when there never was one.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“You would not be the jerk for having a schedule that doesn’t allow you to attend. Life (and death) happens inconveniently. And there is no relationship there to be missed. That may sound a bit cold but, they haven’t invested in your life even at this point, why should you drop everything to honor a relationship that doesn’t exist?
I will say though, this could be an opportunity to start building g relationship with that side of the family if that is something you want. Either way, you are NTJ.” IamIrene
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You have no feelings about this grandfather’s passing, and as such, don’t need to attend his funeral. It might be different if you had feelings for anyone who was going to be there, so any member of your paternal family, but it doesn’t sound like you do.
It’s also valid to say that you’re not going to go to avoid opening doors with these people. They aren’t your family. I get what your grandmother is saying about potential regret, but I don’t think it applies here. She’s from an older school where familial obligations were paramount, whether you liked them or not.
I’m old enough to believe in some familial obligations, but they go downstream not up. No one in your paternal family has been part of your life in any meaningful way. So, there’s no need to pretend that you have any interest in partaking in their events.
And really, that’s what this funeral is. If you ever have any inkling of reconciling with your dad, or you are open to the idea that he may want to, then maybe you consider going. Otherwise, you skip it.” rockology_adam
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
My father had a tense relationship with my grandfather. I’ve never seen my grandfather, and only have a few pics with him as a baby. He wasn’t a very good man. When my grandfather passed away, my dad decided to “do the right thing” and fly out to the funeral. He regrets going because on the tombstone my grandfather made for himself before he passed (he had cancer), he only mentioned his loving other son and not my father.
It was almost like a last F U from him to my dad. Terrible people don’t deserve any of our time and I doubt you’ll ever regret this decision if you choose not to attend. Funerals are a way to pay respect, but some people don’t deserve it.” VmBahabug
7. AITJ For Wanting My Roommate To Pay For A Cleaner Before She Moves Out?
“I (f28) have been living with my roommate (f34) for just over 2 years now. We were friends before and when I moved in things were great. 10 months ago she lost her job and has been kind of looking for work since but she comes across as unprofessional and refuses to take advice from any of her friends on this so as a result hasn’t found anything.
She is not from my country and after 10 months has run out of money and has to move home. The possibility of her moving home has been on the table since she lost her job but she would not commit to telling me when this would happen.
In my country tenants must serve 2 months’ notice when they are leaving a rental and I think I’ve been pretty nice by not demanding she serve this notice and pay the rent for this time. I have organised for my partner to move in but we have been waiting on the green light from her for the entire 10 months which is stressful as we don’t know when exactly this can happen making it impossible to plan and organise.
To add to this, I’m taking professional exams to become a lawyer and have been preparing for them for months. She is well aware of this and I have asked her regularly to please consider the stress I’m under when she’s considering her timeline for moving home.
Well of course when my exams are next week she tells me that she will be moving out the week of my exams. She has a tonne of furniture to sell and 5 years of a life in this country to pack up so the place isn’t exactly going to be an ideal place to study and sit these extremely difficult exams.
Now having lived with her this long I know her habits how messy she is and honestly how incredibly lazy she is. She’s saying she’s going to pack everything up and clean the place within 2-3 days WHILE I HAVE three separate 4-HOUR EXAMS that I have no other option but to sit from our place during this time.
I know she will get everything she needs packed up to bring home with her but the stuff she’s not attached to or doesn’t think she can make money off of is going to be left behind and dirty. I also know she won’t thoroughly clean her room the way it would be expected to be handed over if she was giving the place back to the landlord or new tenants she doesn’t know.
So I’m left wondering WIBTJ if I demand she pays for a cleaner to come in and do the work or if she doesn’t, the bills are currently in her name and linked to her account so if she refuses to have it cleaned I’m thinking I just refuse to pay my share of the bills for the final bill as that’s around the cost of a cleaner coming in.”
Another User Comments:
“Do you have security deposits where you live? I think you’d have the most luck working with your landlord to deduct the cost of cleaning from hers if you do. You can demand all you want, but making someone pay for something when they don’t want to is a whole new mess in itself.
Declining to pay your share of the utilities could work, but it’s messier than just getting her money from the account that was hopefully set up for this very circumstance. Anyway, NTJ. People are responsible for their messes, one way or another.” IndividualAd8597
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I agree that she is a selfish sloth. Do you have other places to study and relax? You mentioned a partner. Maybe there or the library? I’m only thinking of all the hard work that you have put into your schooling and would hate you to have to put any of that into jeopardy.
I agree with her having to pay the cleaners and that you deduct the cost of the cleaning from your portion of any amounts you owe her. Good luck as you embark on your new career.” swadsmom2023
6. AITJ For Hoping My Friend Leaves Her Disrespectful Partner?
“My friend (19F) and her partner (18M) have been in a relationship for two years and our whole friend group despises him. He was always known to be touchy, talky, and flirty with a ton of girls to the point I thought he was fruity.
Before he got with 19F, he was talking to a girl in Ohio. When things didn’t last, he said to his buddies, “I guess I’ll choose 19F.”
While they were in a relationship, he was caught on camera stealing from a LOCALK-popp store exposed on Instagram.
He once told me, “I don’t even know why I picked her,” and looked at her and then laughed about it.
He always jokes and tries to bring her down. He once said “Did you know she has no survival skills?” when talking about how he threw her in a pool, knowing couldn’t swim.
He has been caught liking a bunch of girl’s pics on Instagram and also following 30 of them. 19F confronted him about it and he said he doesn’t think when he likes their posts. He would unfollow them if she wanted him to but she didn’t give him a direct answer because she was scared, so he just ignored the whole situation.
Months later, we asked her if he ever unfollowed them and she said no and broke down in tears saying she would feel controlling like she was going to cry every time she tried to bring it up. It’s off-putting because why would she feel so scared bringing up something that just sets boundaries?
We kept reassuring her that she was setting boundaries for herself and that he should understand that. She gained the confidence to confront him and he ghosted her the entire night. He told her that he had a bad day and saw her text which made him even more of a disappointment.
He also said it was bad timing because he “was planning their anniversary hangout all day” that day. She was balling her eyes out trying to confront him and we are not happy that he made it such a big deal and ghosted her the entire night, and then made it about himself.
He said he was proud of her for speaking up which means he knew he had been doing something wrong and never fixed it. He’s been seen around campus touching other girls. He’s also been seen eating lunch alone with other girls, and out at restaurants with his EX- PARTNER.
Every time we confront her about him, she ghosts us and is always silent about her relationship. We wonder what happens behind the scenes if she is crying about confronting him for something reasonable. We feel as though she could thrive with someone better. He treats her terribly.
We want the best for her but is the best for her someone like this??”
Another User Comments:
“You might want to take a break from both of them. If you want you can tell her you’ll be there for her if and when she’s ready to leave him, but you needn’t be involved with any of it if it’s causing you stress.
It sounds like on some level she’s more ok with all this than not, but that’s on her. Hopefully, she’ll see the light.” paul_rudds_drag_race
Another User Comments:
“It’s hard to watch a friend stay in a toxic relationship, and it sounds like this guy is disrespectful and manipulative.
Wanting better for your friend isn’t wrong, especially when she’s struggling to set boundaries and speak up for herself. It’s natural to hope the relationship ends if it’s causing her harm. Just be there for her and offer support whenever she’s ready to make a change—you’re coming from a place of care.” BabyAli_
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but she’s not listening. Hopefully, she will eventually see he’s not a good person. Is she the type who does the opposite of what people say? Constantly telling her he’s not good for her could make her feel she needs to prove her judgment and keep seeing him.
Back off for now and be there for her and pray. Pray for wisdom, discernment, and for her eyes to open and to see the truth and the courage to break up with him when she sees the truth. Also, pray for the first two for yourself so you know when to speak and when to be silent.” TimelyApplication723
5. AITJ For Refusing To Help My Dad's Wife During My Mom's Parenting Time?
“My dad and his wife are expecting a baby together. She has a 10-year-old daughter already.
Dad has me (16m). They’ve been together for about 7 years and married for 4. It’s been 5.5 of knowing them for me. I don’t like my dad’s wife. I find her bad at respecting boundaries and overly pushy. When she was still only seeing my dad she showed up to be a parent chaperone for my class field trip even though she and dad knew mom was doing it and I had already said no to her.
She kept trying to make me walk closer to her than my mom. When I ignored her mostly she got upset about it. Dad told me I could have appreciated that she wanted to be there for me.
When they were engaged she made me come dress shopping with her and kept pushing for me to give feedback on the dress.
I said repeatedly I didn’t care. She told me I should help my new “bonus mom” find the perfect dress. I pulled a disgusted face and she asked what that was for. I told her she wasn’t my bonus mom and I hated that title.
She told me she didn’t want to be my stepmom. She wants to be my bonus aka second mom and I didn’t have to like it but I had to lump it and one day I’ll love her back.
When schools were online and I had to go to my grandma’s house while mom worked she showed up at grandma’s house and tried to take me to her and dad’s house.
My grandma threatened to call the police on her because she wasn’t supposed to be there. A few times she brought her daughter to try and make us give in. Didn’t work.
So yeah, I don’t like her. I just about tolerate her. But I don’t care about her at all and I’m not super worried for her now.
Her pregnancy is high risk and she was diagnosed with a pretty risky illness/condition. It’s her kidney and something else. But after she found out she was pregnant she started getting sick and this diagnosis makes the pregnancy high risk too. She goes to the hospital three times a week for treatment and has to stay in bed when at home.
When dad has parenting time he makes me get lunch ready for me, his wife, and her daughter, and I’m supposed to see if she needs anything. I do it as a chore not because I care. But now they expect me to go to his house for a bit after school when it’s mom’s parenting time and make lunch for her and her daughter.
I refused and Mom had my back. Dad told me I should be doing more to help because this is my family and my unborn (half) sibling at risk and my “bonus mom”. When I didn’t give in Dad told me I should be more mature and understand compassion and helping family.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Tell your father that you’re not his slave, his wife is *not* your bonus anything, and you are only there because you are forced to be. If he wants someone to take care of his wife, he can step up himself, not try and bully you into doing it for him.
That is despicable parenting. Shame on him. Frankly, at 16, you can decide where you go and who you see. If you don’t want to go to your dad’s, you don’t have to. The police won’t do anything about it, and if your dad takes your mother to court, the judge will ask you what you want and then act accordingly.
Think about it.” Cursd818
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It’s your dad who should be more mature and understand compassion and help your family by treating you and your relationship with your mother with respect. You are not a pawn to be passed to the woman your dad dates and then marries, and used as her son.
He doesn’t get to share you with her like you’re some object he owns. You are your own person, and your father and stepmom have no claim on your emotions. They can demand you do the chores around the house while you’re there, chores being making lunch for people until you’re old enough to leave, which will be soon, but they can’t force you to be there when it’s your mom’s parenting time, and they can’t force a feeling of the family towards this woman on you.” Auntie-Mam69
4. AITJ For Confronting My Mom About Her Gender Disappointment And Favoritism?
“My mom never wanted a boy. She wanted girls. Her dream was 4 daughters. But she had me (16m) first. I have seen photos and videos of the day I was born. She cried hysterically when they told her I was a boy. Then she refused to hold me.
After we were cleaned up she cried about not using the name she had chosen and said she didn’t know how to move on from it. All this was caught on camera. Eventually, my paternal grandma took me and she was the person to hold me in photos and videos taken during the rest of our hospital stay.
My paternal grandma was my sole parent figure for the first 8 years of my life. She took care of me and I spent so much time at her house. Sometimes I was there for weeks. Then she had a brain bleed and died. So I was left with a mom who wanted girls and not a boy and a dad who wanted to be a provider and nothing more.
My mom had my sister “Lily” two years after me. So mom got her girl and Lily got all her attention. I had grandma until I was 8 and then nobody.
My mom and Lily are super close and mom adores Lily. Lily got the bigger bedroom, she got the gifts, she got all her favorite snacks, she got to do all the extracurricular activities she could ever want and her birthdays were parties with huge gifts.
Christmas she gets at minimum? 25 gifts from mom alone. Mom typically gets me one… never anything I’d like or want but you know, thought that counts (which is zero).
My mom’s family isn’t too interested in making up for my lack of parental love. In the last couple of years, Mom and I have argued more and I give her a hard time.
Dad’s never around to give him one. But mom? If she wants to ignore me then she can hear how bad it is and if she wants to treat my sister like a perfect angel then she can hear about it. Mom has mentioned how I ruined her dream of four daughters.
We were at Mom’s parent’s house Friday and Mom gushed about Lily doing good on a project and the scooter she got Lily to help her get around more easily. She got Lily a custom helmet and a personalized lock for her scooter. She couldn’t stop talking about it and I told her she does love to shower her favorite with gifts and praise.
My mom’s family told me I should take it easier on her and said I should understand we had “some little troubles” because of mom’s gender disappointment. I told them I didn’t owe her anything because she had gender disappointment and that I didn’t ask to be born to a mom who only wanted daughters.
They told me I lacked adult understanding and compassion.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your mum is toxic and extremely shallow. So many out there are desperate for a healthy baby… regardless of gender. She’s blessed with just that & rejects it. I’m so sorry your mum is like that and for the loss of your grandmother.
The good news is, you’re almost an adult. My advice is to focus on yourself and work hard so you can get out of there. Then you can choose when you see her & in what capacity. Side note: I hate the concept of gender disappointment & feel it’s becoming more obvious with these huge trendy gender reveals.
Nobody needs to see their parents batting because they’re not what they expected. People need to grow up & realize what’s important in life.” Front_Scholar9757
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your mother needs to grow up. You are in no way responsible for mitigating her disappointment that the fantasy she created in her head (long before you even existed) didn’t materialize.
Her inability to cope with reality should have never been your problem. It is grotesque to expect a child (who you are at 16) to be “understanding” of a mother’s immaturity. Continue to call your mom’s behavior. Speak up for yourself. (And go NC with her and anyone else defending her BS as soon as it is legally and financially possible)” Outrageous_Fly_4296
Another User Comments:
“NTJ That’s not ‘gender disappointment’, that’s some disgusting & cruel neglect on your ‘mother’s’ part. I had to use quotation marks because no real mother worth her salt would ever do such a thing. I always wanted to have boys growing up because I was a huge tomboy as a child & now I’m the mother of two girls.
I only felt slight disappointment when I found out my oldest was a girl. From the moment she was born, I had this entirely new vision of what life would be like sharing it with a daughter & fell in love with being a girl mom.
That’s the way it should be. I loved the experience with my oldest so much that I was just as happy to get a second daughter. If I’m ever blessed to have a son, I know I’ll love him just as much.
That’s what parenting should be.” llama-momma-
3. AITJ For Being Upset About My Widowed Mom Remarrying So Soon After My Dad's Death?
“I am in my 40s. My parents are/were in their early to mid-70s. My dad passed away in March last year.
He was seemingly healthy, checked out by doctors on the regular, went into the ER for what we thought was pneumonia, and passed 3.5 weeks later after a heart attack with stage 4 lung cancer. My family was devastated. I was devastated. I am still devastated. I live in the same city as my parents but my sisters do not.
Family, friends, and neighbors came together to be there for my mom. I was executor of he estate. I did all the things I had to do to get his affairs in order and transfer things into her name, etc. We sat as a family and agreed together no big changes for a year.
Since then, it has been nothing but big changes.
My mom reconnected with a friend of theirs from their 20s and 30s. He is also a widower but has been for a few years. He gave a speech at my dad’s celebration of life about their time working closely together.
This was in June. In the summer, my mom took off. They went RV-ing and traveled around and were at his place a few hours away in between. At the beginning of August, 4 months after my dad passed, she asked me to come to his house.
She told me they were in love and were getting married. I cried immediately but pulled myself together. They’ve booked a date for spring 2025.
I understand that she is older and doesn’t have much time left. If there’s ever a time for her to be selfish it’s now.
The more love in the world the better. Maybe she’s scared/lonely to live on her own. Maybe she can’t afford to live on her own. But I am just so angry because she said it’s for love. 50 years together and she’s in love 4 months after he dies.
In September they took another trip and eloped. She said originally their spring wedding was important that they had their kids and grandkids with them. But then they eloped. So was it important? They are still having the “wedding” celebration in the spring. She put her condo up for sale a few weeks ago and is back with him at his house.
She didn’t even tell me she went back, I heard from my sister.
I’m feeling lost. I’m feeling angry. I’m feeling grief for both my dad and feeling like I’m losing my mom. She is always at my kid’s birthday, she missed it this summer.
My dad’s and my birthdays are a few days apart, she was away for both. Their anniversary was only a few days after when she eloped. I don’t want to lose my mom but I feel like I’ve already lost her. Is it worth it to suck it up and just pretend to be okay with everything because I don’t know how much time is left?
Life is short why be angry? But I am. WIBTJ if I didn’t attend my mom’s “wedding?”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. Your mom loved your father and he passed away. She met someone who gets her out exploring, having fun, etc. This is exactly what you should want for your mom. My MIL had been single for over 10+ years.
The love of her life died. Ended up meeting a loser and they’re together. She gets to do things she swore left and right she’d hate. Now she begs him to go enjoy those activities together. We don’t like him but we’re relieved she’s happy. Your mom is starting a new adventure and you don’t recognize this person because it’s not the person you’ve known all these years.
Be cautious and worried but also happy for her if you can. She deserves to find happiness again and looks like she has. ” archetyping101
2. AITJ For Defending Myself After Being Kicked Out Of DnD Group Over Tone Issues?
“Recently, my friend and I had a big argument, and it ended with him removing me from our DnD group and kicking me out of the group chat.
It all started when I asked how he was doing since he had been ignoring me. He mentioned that he wasn’t doing well, which I said was understandable because of the stress we’ve both been under. However, he then told me I was making everyone uncomfortable and acting “uncool.”
I was confused because I hadn’t noticed any issues, so I asked for examples. He said it was my tone, and could only really give me one instance where this affected him. For context, I’m autistic, so controlling my tone can be difficult for me, but I’ve asked people to let me know if something I say comes across as hurtful so I can fix it.
It took 3 or 4 times of me repeating myself before he finally acknowledged that he would tell me when my tone was affecting him. When he did, I apologized and tried to explain myself. Instead of giving me specific feedback, he told me I just needed to “be nicer.”
I apologized multiple times, but I was also hurt that he had never told me about this issue before. The conversation escalated, and he called me a jerk, which made me more upset. Then, things got worse when he called me delusional. I didn’t get mad until he brought up my mother, saying my apology was “textbook” for not taking responsibility.
I mentioned that my mother says “I’m sorry I hurt your feelings” all the time, and he responded with, “Your mother has never been sorry in her life” and later added after I told him that was hurtful, “Well, your mom doesn’t know how to act.”
I was so overwhelmed that I ended the conversation, blocked him so I could cry myself to sleep, and went to bed.
After the argument, I sent him an apology, taking responsibility for my tone and explaining that I’ve been under a lot of stress lately.
I said I didn’t want to escalate things, but I just wanted him to apologize for how hurtful his language was and acknowledge that the way he brought up the conversation wasn’t respectful.
Later, one of my friends sent me a screenshot of what he said to the DnD group chat.
In the message, he called me toxic and said I couldn’t recognize when I was wrong. He said I was adding to his stress and making the DnD sessions uncomfortable for others, so I wasn’t welcome anymore. I’m also really hurt that he has cut me off from my DnD friends without giving me a chance to explain my side of the story.
Here’s where I might be the jerk: I told him he was being verbally abusive and berating me for something I had already apologized for and said I would fix. I wasn’t trying to provoke him; I just wanted my feelings to be acknowledged.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. That friend talked behind your back despite acting like it was cooled off, he’s not being upfront with you about his situation or his emotions. Why talk behind others’ backs and then purposely isolate yourself from the rest of the group that has nothing to do with the friction between you and him?
He milked your feelings and moods, expecting you would bend over for his authoritative actions, or just rage-baiting you and act like he’s not the one in the wrong. This person should not be an obstruction for you to keep connection with other friends in the group, if they had any understanding, they would distinguish the differences between him and you, and not make groupthink decisions over how they perceive your situations through his perspective, moreover, he’s the one who projecting that toxicity.” Motor_Pie_6026
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I’m on spectrum as well and I struggle with regulating my tone as well. It’s always astonishing to me when I offend someone in conversation when I thought I was being playful or bantering but my tone was off.
They never tell me why. They just get mad and act like I should know what I did wrong. Your friend reminds me of these encounters. You’re not a mind reader and autistic or not communicating like an adult should’ve been your friend’s first move.” Fun-War6684
Another User Comments:
“Everyone’s a jerk here. You use autism and your mother’s inability to apologize, and I don’t know what else, to avoid taking responsibility. That is enraging. Stop using excuses, apologize honestly (without trying to explain, sheesh, that’s just lame excuses), and see where this takes you.
You said you got your feelings hurt, and you seek acknowledgment, etc, but you’re the one who blocked him, you’re the one who is unable to properly apologize. What about their feelings? And for goodness sake, stop using your autism as an excuse. Maybe you two are not compatible as friends.
Accept it and move on” derrymaine14
1. AITJ For Wanting To Remove Myself From My Mother's Food Assistance Plan?
“I (18) and my mother (40) have never gotten along. Honestly, since I can remember. Within this year, a main problem has been food. I will come downstairs and all the food for meals would be gone and when I tell her about it, she just says oh well.
But that is not the only thing. Even with knowing all of this, she will call everybody down to eat besides me. I know I’m 18, I can just go do it myself. But it’s even when I’m right there in the kitchen with her. Not even joking, she would look me dead in my eyes then make plates for every single person in the house and even sometimes her friends and just stand at the stove until I left and went upstairs.
I have to come back later in hopes that there is no food left. I got tired of this and started staying in my room not coming out to eat and just avoiding her.
The longest was three days and my brother was concerned and came to check on me.
But when I finally came down the stairs, my sister pulled me to the side and said that our mother had been telling everyone that I was eating all the food. So when she told me that she needed my schedule since I started college so that she could keep me on the food stamps, I told her I would just get my own.
(I do not need my own, I barely eat anyway). Which I thought was fine since by that point she had been loudly going around the house saying that I would have to figure out my own. She got angry about a month ago that I didn’t give her my papers which confused me.
But then she admitted while yelling at me that she never took me off the assistance. But I would be a selfish jerk and my siblings would starve if I wasn’t on the assistance. I just listened and said a few words to stall for time.
But today she asked about it again so I just told her “I don’t know how to tell you but I don’t want to be on it anymore.”
She was upset and told me that I was selfish for hiding it. And that I could just come and tell her.
Before grabbing her things and telling me that after this month not touch anything in the kitchen(I didn’t plan on it but she wouldn’t let me say anything). And stating that if I didn’t want to be on the assistance then I didn’t need to be on anything.
She came in a bit later because she “left” something. Just to stand at the bottom of the stairs and say “marking off children one by one. Thank you, Jesus.” And leaving. I don’t have anyone to talk to about it. So I just want to know AITJ.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Technically, if you don’t eat meals with her & she’s not providing you with food she shouldn’t have you listed as a dependant for food assistance. The one issue I see is that you may also have medical assistance tied to the same paperwork so you may risk losing healthcare if you don’t have all your paperwork in order when removing yourself from your mom’s assistance & getting your own.
Then, if you find yourself not using it much, you can choose to get additional food for your siblings (but the food is expensive, so cover your food needs first)” VironLLA.
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. One thing that might be going on is that she thinks that as an adult now, you should be doing more things for yourself.
In other words, don’t count on her to mother you. Another thing is do you think she may want you to move out? Sometimes when you live with someone and they start making your life uncomfortable it’s their way of encouraging you to move out.
She might not want to tell you to move out because then she’d be the bad guy.” Deep-Okra1461
