People Feel Let Down In These "Am I The Jerk?" Stories
22. AITJ For Leaving Dinner After My Dad Called Me Disgusting?
“I (19 female) have a partner who comes every Saturday night to have dinner with my family and me. My family was downstairs talking and waiting for me, I showered and went downstairs. My shoes were a bit wet but no big deal according to me.
My dad saw that a few drops fell on the floor (literally a few drops) and said I am so disgusting and I have to clean the floor now. I quietly took a mop and cleaned the floor while my dad was talking to my partner about how bad and disgustingly dirty I am and that he will realize this once we get married.
I would normally respond to a comment like that but I was numb, I took my things, put the mop in its place and went up to my room, and locked myself in to cry. My partner made up an excuse and left. Was I a jerk?
Childish? Should I have stayed?”
Another User Comments:
“Based on the information given, NTJ. However, even in toxic situations, I have trouble believing this is the entire context. I have trouble believing someone called you disgusting over a few drops of water… It feels like info is being left out.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your father is disgusting. I have no other words and I’m sorry that you have to put up with that. Abuse is abuse and I hope you have a plan to get out and away from that man.” Particular_Elk3022
Another User Comments:
“In a comment you said that they usually call you dirty so today you decided to look clean and took a bath. Do you normally have bad personal hygiene practices? Cause that could be a sign of depression or another underlying condition that you should think about getting help for.” Greedy_Information96
21. AITJ For Refusing To Pay More For Utilities Because I Cook And Shower More Than My Roommate?
“I (24F) live with a roommate (20s F). We are not in the US and each of us has her own lease. Per the lease, the water, electric, and gas are divided 50/50.
For a week now, she has been pestering me to amend the leases.
She wants me to pay for 80% of the water bill and 75% of the gas bill. The electric would still be the same.
Her reasonings are as follows: she never cooks at home, so she doesn’t use as much gas as me. I shower every day (she showers 2 times a week), I cook almost every meal at home (so I use more water to cook and clean my dishes), and I drink tap water while she buys bottled water.
I see where she is coming from, but I still refuse to amend the leases. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, and in my experience, little things like showering, drinking water, etc. don’t affect gas and water bills much. It’s the big stuff like watering lawns in 95-degree summer heat, running the furnace in winter, etc. that really swings bills one way or the other.
Example: our water bill ranges from $30-35 late fall/early spring even when we have guests, had a baby and laundry and daily baths increased, etc. It goes up to $50-60 in the summer because of lawn maintenance. Same with our gas bill, which is minimal in warm months but then can go up to $200-300 in winter months when the furnace/radiators are on most of the day.” Bizzy1717
Another User Comments:
“I hate roommate scenarios because EVERYONE has their own unique “rules” that all seem fair to them. In that spirit, here’s my verdict: NTJ. You both agreed to the terms of the lease at the time of signing. She KNEW she didn’t cook at home and only took 2 showers/week, so if she wanted the balance to be offset she should have spoken up before signing anything.
That being said, if she wants to negotiate a new percentage when you resign the lease that could be fine. She just has to understand that you also must be on the same page as her.” abuko1234
Another User Comments:
“Info: how did she come up with the percentages?
Seems a little extreme and the arguments may not be really valid. If you use a bucket of water per shower daily and she runs the shower continuously for half an hour 2x week it may be the same amount of water or even higher.
most water consumption is on laundry loads and if you have any garden or lawn that gets watered regularly – is she not doing laundry either? It’s also how much water is flushed with the toilet, and how much water you use to wash your face in the morning or if any of you lets the water run while brushing your teeth – did she count that also?
Unless she metered that and has the metered readings for the last few months it’s a guess in her favor and end of the day the lease is 50/50 so she should follow the agreement she signed. How does she know it’s not 60/40 or 65/35? Realistically it’s impossible to monitor the exact split of bills and it tends to balance out.” Puzzlehead_geek007
20. AITJ For Saying My Fiancée Died In A Fake Accident Story To A Scam Caller?
“My (M23) fiancée (F24) and I received one of the “have you been in a recent accident that wasn’t your fault” calls, (we don’t own cars as we like to walk) and we are on a rotation of who gets to say something funny but not true.
This happened yesterday around 1:20 pm and it was my turn so I told my fiance what was happening and she sat next to me.
I tell them a story about how I was driving on a cliffside and a pigeon came and lifted my car off the mountain, flew us to France, and dropped us, but I also said my fiancee was in the back seat and was killed in the accident.
I then looked up to see her glaring at me and then she walked out of the room. She is right now sitting opposite me and hasn’t talked to me since, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here – honestly telling them the person they’re looking for died is one of the best ways to get on their do-not-call list. But this isn’t a situation where being right matters.
Seems like she may have been shocked that you killed her off in your story and she may feel it was insensitive, especially since you told her the plan beforehand and seemingly glossed over her character’s death.” RandyFunRuiner
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. My mother was tired of telemarketers (back in the days of landlines and rude, pushy salespeople interrupting dinner) and once sarcastically said, “Next time they call, tell them I’m dead.” My youngest sibling was too happy to oblige.
Mom started to get mad when my brother said, “She’s dead dude,” after answering the phone. Sister and I were laughing hysterically and had to remind Mom she actually told him to say that. No idea why she got upset.” Ahkhira
Another User Comments:
“Everyone’s the jerk.
Where you were a little jerk-ish – A lot of people are very superstitious about death (my aunt very firmly believes that you can speak it into happening), and even some people who don’t actually believe that rationally can get an uneasy feeling about Where your fiancée is the jerk – per your comments it sounds like you have apologized to her multiple times and she is being very unreasonable in not accepting your apology, discussing how she feels about things like this being said, and moving on.
Good luck op.” RideTheWindForever
19. AITJ For Not Liking A Disabled Person Who Behaves Badly?
“This happened about a day ago when my family and I were playing card games and my mum asked me how Bob was doing.
I said that he was a jerk and I didn’t like him. My mum said to pity him and ask how he was instead of ignoring him.
For context, he has cornered a girl while lifting up his top and has just generally been mean to people.
I have known him for about seven years and for five of those years we never liked each other but I had to go to his house because I was friends with his sibling. I tried to listen to my mum’s advice and pity him but he’s never improved and eventually, I just started ignoring him.
My mother said that he probably had a disability through childhood trauma and to be nice to him (he probably does have something but he still attends class like normal and isn’t low functioning) and I said that it doesn’t excuse him from being mean.
My whole family took my mother’s side so I’m wondering, am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“You are NTJ and you are right that being disabled is NOT a free hall pass for behaving badly and being mean to people. You did the right thing ignoring rather than engaging with or confronting him.
I am sure you are not the only one at school who does not like him but just that many people are too afraid to say it. It is so hard for me to fathom at your mother to excuse his bad behavior.” KangarooOk2190
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. A wheelchair-bound man messaged me when I was on the apps. It became pretty clear right away we wouldn’t get along because he was very abrasive and we had absolutely nothing in common. Most of our convos were him ranting about things. I politely declined a date and he went berserk, accusing me of being prejudiced against disabled people.
I was like…no dude… Me not wanting to go out with you has nothing to do with the wheelchair. I simply don’t like you as a person.” Zorrosmama
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Has he been diagnosed, taken medication, goes to therapy, has special support at school, etc or is he just horrible??
I’m sorry but they are horrible people in the world and if you ask most people will be able to name that person from their own school, I certainly can. I don’t agree with pitying people, I have physical and medical disabilities and I would be angry if I found out someone pitied me it is condescending.
People I know feel for me, are disappointed for me because of things I am unable to do, etc, and support me to do the most I am able. Pity is looking down on someone. You might have known him for years but as you grow you both go in different directions and grow into different people, just because you knew someone when you were little doesn’t mean you should remain friends/friendly for the rest of time.
If you don’t like him, feel uncomfortable by his words and actions (I wouldn’t blame you if you were, his words are awful) then avoiding him is the best thing to do. Do what is best for you, just don’t actively be cruel to someone else unless they are cruel to you.” Fun-Attorney4071
18. AITJ For Not Wanting To Train New Staff Without A Pay Raise?
“My boss keeps hiring new staff to fill a role that we will be short at soon.
I appreciate the forethought in not allowing us to reach the point where we are short-handed, but at the same time, I am very introverted. My job is not hard, but there is a lot to learn. There are a lot of situational things to learn in addition to the basics of the job.
Because of this, nobody wants to train new people.
I have been here longer than all the staff in my position except for one. My boss has asked me if I would mind training the new staff, but I really don’t want to. It’s not in my job description and would slow me down in a fast-paced work environment where we already are overworked. Plus I am introverted and don’t really like people too much.
WIBTJ if I refuse to train new staff without a pay raise?”
Another User Comments:
“You need to tell him either 1) you’re an introvert and would prefer not to train staff, period, or 2) training is not in your job description but you would be happy to train for compensation or 3) you buck it up and help train, then remind them how you pitched in when it comes time for a raise or promotion.
But only mention the introvert thing if you just want to straight-up decline doing it. No one will pay you extra because you are an introvert who’s uncomfortable. Good luck!” Winter-Travel5749
Another User Comments:
“Before you have a conversation with your boss, be honest with yourself about what is so upsetting with this expectation.
Be honest with yourself about your feelings, and be accepting of your boss’ decision. Are you upset because you feel extremely uncomfortable with the task of training new staff, or are you frustrated because you feel you need to be compensated for your trouble? Some people are very good at their jobs, but not very good at teaching or training others.
Some people find forced social exchanges so painful that they would rather quit than be thrust out of their comfort zone.
At one place I worked, all employees were forced to “cross-train” fellow staff members, and we all knew it was for the purpose of downsizing.
In another setting, a colleague resigned rather than explain her process to a small group as she feared public speaking that much. If you are good at your job, and the idea of training someone is the real problem, your boss may be understanding of your fears, but you may be asked to do it anyway.
Perhaps you can make the process easier by writing things down or using technology. Ask for some time to practice how to clearly explain procedures. If getting paid extra for training is the reason, consider if you are being asked to do anything outside of your regular work hours (for which you are already being paid) or if you will be penalized for not completing work or keeping up your typical pace while training others.
There may be some funds set aside for training or others who can help during training. If you like your job, you want to avoid making demands. If you trust your boss, you should voice your concerns in a calm manner and try to be a team player.
Given the state of the workplace, as you described, I bet your boss will be accommodating if you are willing to be honest.” GladysKravitz21
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. But, I would put some more thought into how you want to approach this. Your boss may argue that you’re doing this on company time and it shouldn’t matter.
You will probably have better luck asking if he will reduce your workload for the time being to free up training time or ask for OT if you would have to work beyond your hours to meet your primary responsibilities.” shuckyducked
17. AITJ For Using A Picture With My Nephew On My Profile?
“My sister, nephew’s mom, saw my profile recently and demanded I take the picture I have of me with my nephew down. She says she doesn’t want pictures of him on apps and I have even less of a claim to use it because I’m not a parent.
I didn’t think it was a huge deal because it’s a cute picture and it did help me get more matches. I told her that, but she went crying to our family and now they’re spamming me telling me to remove the picture. Even her friends have started with it.
I took it off my profile, but I don’t understand why they’re so mad. Nothing about the picture was inappropriate.”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. You shouldn’t ever post pictures of kids without permission, but some people don’t think of that before doing it.
If you just didn’t think of how it could be damaging, then you wouldn’t be the jerk, but you don’t want to remove a photo of your nephew when your sister has asked just because you’re getting more matches and it’s “cute.” That’s honestly very selfish and inconsiderate, which makes you the jerk.
Ask someone if you can pose with their dog or something. Using a kid just to improve your romantic life when the parents don’t want the photo up is not nice. And that lack of consideration and not niceness could be why you’re still on apps and not in a relationship.” kawaiisadist
Another User Comments:
“I’d think of it like this: you weren’t the jerk for adding the picture. You became the jerk when you pushed back against taking it down. Your reaction should have been an immediate “Oh, so sorry. I thought it was a cute picture and it hasn’t gotten any weird replies.
I’ll take it down if it bothers you, though.” Bottom line, it’s a picture of a kid and his mother doesn’t want it posted there. She gets the final say. YTJ for this one, sorry.” SunstruckSeraph
16. AITJ For Getting A Restraining Order Against My Ex's Partner?
“13 years ago, I met who I thought was the love of my life. 13 years fast forward…. wasn’t him. Anywho life moves on, and well his new partner acted a little too crazy for me. I got a restraining order against her protecting myself and my children.
Why did I get a restraining order? It wasn’t her cutting off my kids’ dad’s truck in the middle of the street, because he didn’t answer the phone. It wasn’t just because she hit my car at the kid’s school. It was most definitely because she threatened me at work with my children present again….
to GET MY BUTT after work. All because I asked her not to come seeking my children out when not with dad. She is very disrespectful… doesn’t speak to me…
So, I said if the kids aren’t with dad, no need to come to where we are to speak….
mind you she has to say hi more than once for my kids to respond. She blows up “I can say wtf I want, I’m going to speak to your kids right now to see what you’re going to do.”
I went to get a restraining order and won.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ for the restraining order. You will be the jerk if you do not fight for full custody of your kids. Why are you allowing them to be around this violent woman?” Reddit User
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – That person is NUTS.
She definitely needs a restraining order after she threatened you. Make sure you take care of your kids. I have a bad feeling there about her.” tbear714
Another User Comments:
“Definitely get a restraining order. She sounds crazy. Keep records of everything and try to get full custody.
Nowadays people try to hurt others by using their kids against them.” victoria5784
15. AITJ For Selling My Sister's Car After She Stopped Making Payments?
“My sister (19f) wanted a car last year and due to having no prior credit she couldn’t get one on payments. So I (26m) offered to put the car in my name and she would send me the money for the payments.
She sent the first 4 months without an issue but then started missing a month here and there. Then 3 months ago she stopped paying entirely. I covered it for 3 months but decided to sell it before the 4th month because I can’t afford to run two cars.
I did warn her I wouldn’t pay for a 3rd month and she didn’t send me the money anyway.
Now she’s upset because she needs the car for commuting to work and now has no transport. She might lose her job without a vehicle so apparently that makes me a jerk for not giving her adequate warning even though I think I was justified. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You repossessed the car. Any other lender would have after three months. Presumably, she knew that she was not paying and that she had not paid for three months, and you told her that you would not continue making payments – did she think you would wait for the repo to be on your credit?” Scstxrn
Another User Comments:
“My initial response is to want more information. For instance, when you warned her that you “wouldn’t pay for a 3rd month” did you also let her know that you would be selling the car? Did she know that was at stake?
Also, did you only warn her once? Or multiple times? While I do think you were in your right to sell the car (it’s yours technically), I would think you’re partially the jerk if you didn’t make it clear that you would be selling it or if you literally only gave her one warning before selling.
Either way, she is also a jerk for not making the payments to you on time.” KingEmanny92
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and a good lesson for your sister about being responsible with her money. She would absolutely have the car repossessed if she didn’t make payment to the bank.
You did her a favor and she took it for granted and caused you to lose money. Good lesson for you as well to not ever co-sign or lend money to family or friends. She made her bed so now she gets to lie in it.” MissKrys2020
14. AITJ For Correcting My Husband's Exaggerations In Public?
“My husband has a tendency to exaggerate a lot. Whenever he does this in front of others, I end up correcting him in front of everyone. My husband seems to think that what I do is undermine him all the time by doing this.
I keep telling him that he should work on himself first by improving this habit of constantly exaggerating and sometimes even compulsively lying in front of others. He tells me that perhaps I should refrain from correcting him all the time as well. However, he can’t seem to stop his habit and I can’t stop myself from correcting him either (comes to me involuntarily).
Today he started a big fight with me over this issue. He keeps telling me that I keep on undermining him. But he seems not willing to make any moves to fix this trait of his either.
Am I really the jerk here? Should I perhaps try to control myself better and let him know my options while we are alone together and go along with whatever he is saying in public?
Just a note, the things he makes up tales about are usually always non-consequential stuff. Should I perhaps learn to let it go more?
Two examples from today that my husband is mad about.
1. To further justify why he disliked a client at work (whom I also happen to dislike) he was saying stuff like she (this person) had gone and escalated one of my husband’s colleagues to the other clients by saying unfavorable things about this man.
As far as I knew this did not happen (I work in the same office) and so I asked when did that happen, and I did not recall anything of this nature.
2. He was showing a cute picture of us to a friend who asked if we kissed after that picture.
He said that we did but he wouldn’t show her the picture. I mentioned that we did not kiss after that picture and have no such photos.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but girl you need to go in the opposite direction with this. The next time he’s like “I caught a big fish” you need to be like “No, it was an eel!
Remember? You kept telling me it was a fish and I kept telling you it was an eel. Then I made you google it and you were so embarrassed and then those fishermen laughed at you? They made up that song called “The eel is not a fish” and they got some of the locals from the bar to join in?
Then that parade came through and they told them and then the whole parade started chanting “An eel is not a fish, HO HO!”? Then they lifted you onto the passing float and honored you as the village idiot?” I don’t know, girl, just GO OFF.
He wants to make a tall tale then you just make it taller.” slackerchic
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your husband needs professional help – there’s a reason ‘why’ he has this need for habitually lying (the exaggerations are lies too), and until that gets addressed, he’s not going to change.
You are right to correct him, because it’s disrespectful to the other person to be fed lies – especially things like the incident in the office where someone may ‘use’ that false info or share it further. As for the people who seem to think you should talk to him privately when he does this: NOPE.
He knows exactly what he’s doing, these aren’t simple mistakes – it’s his chosen social pattern. It’s dishonest and WRONG for him to do this to these other people, and if he wants to dish out that disrespect, then he has earned the consequences. My MIL was a habitual liar about details too.
It was awful because she would re-write everything, either edit it down or spin it up, depending on what she ‘thought’ you wanted to hear. It’s exhausting.” TrainingDearest
Another User Comments:
“I’ll be honest, I’m like the husband. The fish in the story is always bigger than the fish in real life.
Things I do are always a little cooler than they actually were. Maybe it’s the Texan in me or maybe because I’m a natural storyteller, but exaggeration is just something I do. But the big sticking point is: it has to be inconsequential. Lying about the size of a fish to a friend a year later?
Who cares, it’s expected. Lying about it during a fishing contest? Obviously different. I also get annoyed by being called out for it sometimes (though of course I play along when it’s all good fun) because I’m not trying to pass it off as the truth.
When the truth matters, I don’t lie. By calling me out, it feels like you’re essentially accusing me of malicious behavior where malice wasn’t intended, and that makes me sad. At the end of the day, I will admit to exaggeration if specifically asked. The examples you gave don’t sound inconsequential to me, they sound like they could actually hurt someone, and that’s no bueno as far as I’m concerned. I think that that’s the crux of the issue I have with your husband.
Those examples don’t feel like good-natured exaggeration, but rather actual lies that could have consequences.” Esosorum
13. AITJ For Telling My Dad I Don't Consider My Stepmom And Her Kids As Family?
“I (F 26) was talking to my dad on the phone. For context, he remarried when I was in my early 20s to someone who was really an extramarital partner. Anyway, I’ve let that go but have had issues with her overall entitled nature (along with that said nature in her children as well).
My dad seems to see it mostly only in my technical older stepsister. He talked to me about how he spoke with his wife about issues (basically stood up for me and my brother). We also talked about the older stepsister and I having a recent message exchange about Thanksgiving, where we were cordial with each other.
He said it’s good I don’t get too close but also am cordial. I’ve come to accept he’s a “keep the peace” type.
Anyways when he mentions something about them still being family. I immediately said they aren’t. He said something like don’t stoop to their level and antagonize, what about when we kids have weddings and such occasions – it won’t look nice, etc. I immediately said people do when they’re old enough (as I am and have been the only financially independent one thus far too).
Am I right about that, that people don’t owe time or invites to even supposed family members they no longer want contact with? He said okay in our native language in a semi-convinced way.
But yea AITJ for saying that? Also relevant is I did tell him before that going forward I want family time I’m involved in to be me, him and my brother only.
Hard to say how serious he realizes I am about pretty much wanting no or low contact with technical stepfamily.”
Another User Comments:
“I would say that you invite your dad as expected and he gets a +1 like everyone else. It’s fair as I see it and fully reasonable.
You were never raised by this new woman, nor did you grow up with the kids. I would say that could change things in theory, as where the line is drawn in regards to invitations for different events like a wedding, birthday, and so forth.
Would be reasonable to be cordial and invite even if you never were on board with a stepmom and step-siblings, but still growing up like that. Anyway not your case, just saying. NTJ.” HuffN_puffN
Another User Comments:
“OP, just as a point of clarity and context, what culture do you and your father come from, and what culture do the stepmother and her kids come from?
Cultural differences are a massive contributor to situations brought about by remarriages. That being said, you are NTJ. If you, as a free adult, do not wish to interact with your stepmother’s family or consider them part of your family, there’s nothing legally obliging you to do so, especially if animosity exists.
You go live your life, and have your father explain it to his new wife.” Dragon_Werks
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, sort of. There’s hosting family, and hosting FAMILY. There are large family gatherings when a spouse is expected to accompany their partner. If there are dependent steps, they would be expected to attend with their parents.
I’m not sure at this point that you’re going to be hosting family reunion-type gatherings, so it may be a moot point. Basically, if it’s a large, “bring your +1” gathering, I’d expect your step-mom to be there as your dad’s +1. I understand you consider her as much family as Cousin Susan’s SO of the Week, but if he’s there, it’s reasonable for her to be there too.
Smaller, intimate family gatherings, however, ban them as much as you please. You really have no reason to consider her family. Even without the added stress of the extramarital affair, she married him after you were an adult. She is, essentially in the “friend of a friend” category.
In this case, one you don’t particularly get along with. Cordial low contact is good.” Suitable-Tear-6179
12. AITJ For Loudly Refusing To Invite My 'Aunt's' Daughter On My Camping Trip?
“My mom and “Jenny” have been best friends since they were little, we aren’t actually related but I still call her “Aunt Jenny.” Jenny’s daughter “Ellie” is also 16 and Jenny is sadly the kind of mom who thinks Ellie is never wrong.
Here are some examples from over the years:
Ellie stole a hair ribbon from another girl? The other girl was lying because she was jealous of Ellie.
The teacher gave Ellie an F because she didn’t do the work? The teacher is also jealous of Ellie.
(Also yeah I know there are bad teachers out there and have had a few myself. But every single one and all the time? Really?)
Ellie’s sister “Annie” hasn’t talked to Ellie since moving out? Nothing happened and Jenny has no idea why Annie is refusing contact.
(Jenny is so in denial about this one especially. Something obviously happened that Jenny doesn’t want to admit to.)
Mom notices this too, but she usually just changes the subject away from Ellie but never says anything about it directly to Jenny because she doesn’t want it to hurt the friendship.
Jenny usually takes the hint and changes the subject.
Mom took me to a baby shower where Jenny happened to be, so they obviously talked and my mom mentioned that me and my friends have a camping trip planned soon. Jenny was openly hinting that she wanted me to invite Ellie too.
Mom picked up on it and basically tried inviting Ellie along. So before she finished her sentence I loudly said “Oh heck no!”
Jenny clearly wasn’t happy, and Mom told me that my trip was canceled. By the time we got home, she luckily changed her mind about canceling the trip but was still upset at me.
I said that she and Jenny have been friends forever, but I didn’t choose to be Ellie’s friend and didn’t want her coming along.
Mom said she knows I don’t have a great opinion of Ellie and that she knows Ellie has plenty of issues, but I should have declined respectfully instead of embarrassing Jenny and was capable of saying something like “Sorry, I would prefer nobody else come since we don’t have room or supplies for another person/my friends aren’t comfortable with someone they don’t know well coming along.”
I realize I could have been more respectful, but I was also trying to put a stop to that immediately. Also, we got some looks, just because I admit I was pretty loud, but everyone outside of Jenny and Mom seemed to move on almost immediately.
So I think she’s turning the “embarrassment” into a bigger deal than it actually was. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Yeah, it’s easy to say you could’ve been more tactful in hindsight, but 1. You’re 16, I can’t expect you to always remember to be mindful and tactful, especially in situations like this when you’re being pressured. I can easily imagine a 16-year-old overreacting and not being aware of their surroundings.
2. Your mother is the one who turned this into an awkward situation. You were ignoring Jenny’s hints rather well until your mom butted into the situation and escalated it. Not only did she not even give you time to come up with a proper excuse, but she also added more pressure on you to invite her.
In hindsight she can say “Oh you could’ve come up with an excuse,” but how would you have known at the time she would’ve let it go and accepted the excuse since despite knowing how you feel about Ellie she decided to try and invite her on the trip as well.
Your mother has previously been completely capable of turning the conversation away from Ellie in the past, so why didn’t she use this skill to support her daughter? She added the pressure and made the stakes higher, your overreaction is probably the only thing that stopped them from pushing more because it feels like even had you come up with a polite excuse, they would’ve still pushed the issue, but your “Oh heck no,” made it awkward and impossible for them to keep it going.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“Jerk? No. Tactless teenager? Absolutely. You are learning. Prefrontal cortex isn’t fully developed as of yet and it’s your mom’s job to be one until yours grows. “I realize I could have been more respectful, but I was also trying to put a stop to that immediately.” And next time you’ll know to wait until they finish their sentence and say no thank you tactfully.
“She luckily changed her mind about canceling the trip but was still upset at me.” I’m glad she changed her mind. Because the “punishment” doesn’t fit the crime. Just go apologize NOT for not wanting Ellie there but for interrupting, raising your voice, and diverting attention, albeit for a minute or two, and not phrasing your words tactfully.
The apology is “adequate punishment” for a minor mishap. NTJ.” KimchiAndLemonTree
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.. some situations, but more so some people, need the lack of tact. They will not respect tact, they will try to use the ‘softened approach’ to understand your stance and find loopholes to force their way.
Lack of tact and audible statements make it abundantly harder for them to find a way to maneuver because other people notice the situation, and there are now witnesses they’d have to navigate as well. You don’t owe them the easier path to whatever it is they want over your own needs.” WickedNope
11. AITJ For Texting My Best Friend's Partner And Wishing Her Happy Birthday?
“I (26M) was on vacation with my partner and I got a text from my best friend’s partner – my parents happened to be in her hometown because my dad was traveling for work and my mom tagged along, so my best friend’s partner texted me asking what they were doing there (she follows my mom on snap and saw her story).
For context, I have known my friend’s partner longer than my own partner and we developed a friendship over the years so she texts/snaps me once in a while but not often. Also, my friend has no problem with this and he knows there is no funny business between her and me.
My partner, however, was furious that she texted me asking about my parents. She said it was not her business and I needed to respond with something like “why are you asking about my parents” or “that’s not really any of your concern” which I think is incredibly rude, especially to my friend’s partner.
I understand that my partner doesn’t love the idea of me and her having private messages, but it was only about 5 back and forth texts (me explaining to her why my parents were in her town) and I showed her the entire conversation to ease her doubts.
Then my partner found out that I had been wishing my friend’s partner happy birthday for the last few years and got so mad she basically broke up with me. I am so frustrated and confused. Is this not an okay thing to do when I have a partner?
I know it’s another girl but it’s my best friend’s partner, not just a rando and we have been friends for years and I don’t want to burn bridges. I assured my partner there is absolutely nothing going on between us but she says she can’t accept this.
She also now demands that if she texts me I should give the phone to her to text back, which I think is pretty crazy. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I had an ex like this. Had a girl I had been friends with since like 10 and no matter how innocent our messages were she couldn’t accept it.
One time broke up with me just because this girl was at the same gym as me and I didn’t mention it to avoid a fight. Dump her. It’ll never get better. She feels the need to be a warden. Not a partner. Don’t be a prisoner.” Select-Garbage251
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your ex is insecure and you’ve done it the right way, by being open and transparent about it. Showing her the texts should have been enough, especially when the convos are clearly innocent. Given the history of that friendship, which pre-dates your ex, she’s out of line.
Not to mention, your best friend is aware and fine with the interactions. Your ex then unreasonably demanding that SHE be the one to respond to any texts from your friend is controlling. As you already know, she’ll tank that relationship faster than the Titanic.
Nope, she did you a favor by breaking up with you. Let that sleeping dog lie, my dude.” SkyBluReign
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It’s hard for new people in your life to accept relationships you had with you longer. We have a close relationship with my best friends and their partners because we have all been classmates since elementary.
It is harder for us to adapt and so will our newer relationships. I think your partner hasn’t gotten to know your best friend’s partner yet too much and she immediately thinks there’s an ulterior motive at first. Personally, I type in prolonged words at the end like ‘Hiii’ or ‘Thank youuu’ if they’re someone I truly know since young.
But it could be mistaken as flirty by people who don’t know me too much.” SimonSai1
10. AITJ For Refusing To Return Or Pay For Furniture Gifted By An Ex-Friend?
“Last year I moved into a new apartment, it was unfurnished. I went to my friend’s house right after receiving my keys to celebrate.
During our conversation, she mentioned her extra couch and TV in her garage and that she would like me to have it, I insisted that I don’t take it and that it was too much. However she insisted right back that I take it, and after a few minutes of a back and forth I finally agreed (wish I didn’t)
Next day comes around, the moving guy helps load the couch and TV into his van and we drove back to my new place and unloaded it there. I thanked her for giving me the furniture. A few months passed by and I and this friend got into an altercation, and our friendship ended there.
A few more months passed by, and 2 days ago she sent a mutual friend between us to speak on her behalf, her message consisted of her telling me that the moving truck would be here in a few hours and that I had to give her back the couch and TV or pay her for it.
(Mind you I’ve had the furniture for over a year now)
I told her no, I will not be giving her the furniture or paying her back, because it was a gift. And I’m not obligated to return to her now that she’s angry at me from our previous altercation before summer started. The altercation itself that happened was because I genuinely needed to cut her off for my own safety, I had many reasons as well as her being disrespectful towards me and the people I love.
Her reaction after I told her that I wouldn’t be giving her the furniture back was to threaten me with calling the police. Which is like… I’m not sure what they can do about that lol, but probably nothing. What bothers me now is that she’s sending so many people to talk to me on her behalf, I’ve been getting calls from “no caller ID” numbers and they’re accusing me of stealing the furniture.
I’m not sure how I would carry a couch and TV on my back and go unnoticed but oh well.
What worries me is that our friends that we have in common probably heard from her that I “stole her stuff” and I don’t really want to go up to each one of them and explain myself.
I really dislike how the people she sent are urging me to return her stuff so she could stop bothering me, however, this is my dilemma…this person disrespected me, started rumors about me, and threatened me…wouldn’t I be “weak” or “submitting” by returning a gift that she gave to me over a year ago?
But also if I didn’t, I don’t know to what lengths she’s willing to go.
Personally, I don’t view the furniture as hers because I’ve had it for over a year. And if she had asked me for money back then I would have given it to her.
I think it’s unfair she’s demanding I return the stuff or pay her, a year later. On the other hand, I do feel guilty. What are your thoughts? What type of action should I take?”
Another User Comments:
“Keep the furniture. Forget about her threats.
If your friends have been involved by way of her telling them, then don’t be loading more crap of “she said, she said” on to them. If they ask? Pass it by like you don’t want to talk about it.. There is no way you can “win” on this one.
She gave you the furniture. She’s obviously still hurt and angry over the fight but instead of saying “I’m hurt over this fight let’s sort it out” she’s being immature about it and dragging people into it. Try talking to her but don’t let her “jabs” get at you.
Try approaching from a compassionate level.. But that’s only if you want to reconcile your friendship. Otherwise, ignore it all and carry on.” Reddit User
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and absolutely do NOT cave. You can explain your side to the mutual friends and whoever doesn’t want to understand your side is free to walk right out of your life.
You’re right, if you give back the stuff then you are only proving her right that if she threatens you enough she can get whatever she wants out of you. File a report with the police and tell them she’s harassing you and give them every single one of the numbers that’s contacted you.
You can tell her this, there is no way she can legally get the stuff back from you so she can go ahead and try to waste her time finding a lawyer to take the case. But tell her that YOU have the option of taking legal action because she’s literally harassing you.
I cannot stress this enough, a friend purge is not a bad thing. If you have friends who know your side of the story and are not willing to side with you and support a maniac who is harassing you out of pettiness, then you don’t need them in your life.
Don’t ever be afraid to do what’s right or stand up for yourself out of fear of losing friends. They’re not actually your friends if they can so quickly turn on you.” non-creativ3
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If she was your roommate, and she moved away a year ago and left her stuff in your apartment, it would be considered “abandoned.” It would be yours to do with as you like, even if she never told you that you could have it.
She gave these things to you as a gift. Now she wants to make it a “conditional gift”, that must be returned if the friendship ends. The only thing recognized as a “conditional gift” is an engagement ring. If the engagement is broken, the ring should be returned. Even in the case of an engagement ring, if the fiance didn’t ask for the ring back for over a year, a judge might say it was NOT a conditional gift. All that said, I don’t think you’re “weak” if you decide that you don’t WANT her stupid couch and TV.
You can decide to de-escalate the situation and return the items. That makes it clear that SHE is the crazy, cheap, vindictive one.” 1962Michael
9. AITJ For Asking My Actress Partner To Practice Singing Elsewhere?
“My (29M) partner (26F) and I are living together.
Her lease expired at the end of October, but I still have a few months left in mine, so before we can find a proper place for both of us, we agreed she’d move into my current apartment.
Here’s the thing: she’s a trained actress and singer who’s always auditioning for roles in musical theater, and my apartment is not big enough for her to practice her singing – and I’m talking about full-on belting, it’s REALLY loud, like songs from Wicked – without distracting me completely or interfering when I’m on a call (I work from home).
I asked her if she could find somewhere else to practice, and said that when we look for our next place we’ll make sure it can accommodate both of our needs. She got mad because I knew she had to practice her singing (it’s true, I did, but I didn’t think it would interfere so much until after she moved in), and said that if I’m the one uncomfortable, I’m the one who should find a co-working somewhere.
AITJ here?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. 1) If she’s belting she’s going to land you guys a noise complaint from the neighbors. She needs to book rehearsal space – it’s not reasonable to move into your partner’s apartment and assume you can turn it into your rehearsal studio.
2) It’s not reasonable to move into your partner’s apartment because your lease expired and then tell him to boot his WFH butt out. Not to cast shade but she isn’t quite handling this like the gracious adult I’d want to be in a relationship with.
More like a petulant teenager whose parents have supported her unquestioningly.” capmanor1755
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, I’d like to say no jerks here but I don’t think your SO’s perspective towards you is fair. You are temporarily living together – I do not see her as a guest – and I see it as both your faults for not talking through the logistical challenges of living together more thoroughly.
MANY couples/families have had to go through this when their work lives have involved needing to both be working from home. But I can’t blame you for not having a full understanding of what her practice would consist of, how long, how loud, and at what times of day.
And even if the space is now yours together, she was the one moving into a space that you were already using, and I think she should have been more forthright with the obvious disruptions to your work that her practice would bring.
I feel her saying essentially that you’re the one with the problem is not good because it’s not a good partner-oriented way to approach the conversation.
If she feels she doesn’t have anywhere else to practice, there are other things that should be discussed, like a way to schedule practices between your calls, noise-canceling headphones for you, or other temporary soundproofing, etc. If you met her energy by cranking up loud music during your workday and telling her she should leave if she has a problem with it, it would be really unfair.
Meaning, the disruption is not stemming from both your works, it is her work that is disrupting yours, and yours is not disrupting hers so there is more burden on her, in my eyes, to find a way to minimize it.” owls_and_cardinals
Another User Comments:
“INFO: is this her paid work? Or is she trained and seeking these roles as a hobby? If it’s her work, you both need a separate space half the time. Your two jobs can’t be done in the same place at the same time, so you need a co-working space part-time and she needs a rehearsal space part-time.
No one’s work trumps the other. (But also I do feel bad for your neighbors. It’s part of living with other people but it still sucks). If it’s her hobby, then it wouldn’t make sense for her to ask you to pay for a co-working space to do your job.
But you could figure out a time for her to practice at home like after your work hours or on weekends.” [deleted]
8. AITJ For Wanting My Key Back After My Ex Deducted Money For A Drain Stopper?
“I (45F) am separated from my husband (41M). We have two kids in primary school.
The kids and I moved into a house in March while my husband stayed in our old apartment. We made a commitment to co-parent as collaboratively as possible. I gave him a key to my new home to make co-parenting more comfortable for him when I’m out of town for work.
Since I moved out, I have been covering all expenses for the kids (clothes, food, school costs, etc.). I asked if he could start contributing financially because it was getting tough to do it all on my own. In August, he started giving me $200 every two weeks for the kids.
A few months ago, the shower caddy in my bathroom fell and it broke the drain stopper in the tub. I bought a new one, but had trouble with it. My husband came over to look at it and said I bought the wrong one.
He said, “Don’t worry – I’ll take care of it for you and the kids.” He purchased a new drain stopper and came over to install it. One week later, he sent me $180 on Venmo with an emoji of two kids (suggesting that this was the money to help with the kids’ expenses).
He then sent me a text that said, “I sent you $180. I deducted $20 from the $200 to cover the drain stopper I bought and installed.”
I told him this was a miserable move on his part, but he insisted that he shouldn’t have to pay for the drain stopper for my house.
He deducted $20 from his kids’ financial support to pay for something that his kids benefit from. So, now I want to ask him to give me the key to my house back. If he is going to nickel and dime, he should not have access to my home.
The kids have everything they need at his apartment, so they actually do not need access to my house while I am out of town.
So, WIBTJ if I ask for my key back? I am afraid it might come across as petty. Do his actions warrant me taking my key back and not giving him access to my house?”
Another User Comments:
“In general, I would not recommend co-parents having keys to each other’s homes. Why? Because it leads to misunderstandings (like yours) or worse (like someone coming in to ‘spy’ on the ex). NTJ – but you both need to do a better job at communication.
Your husband is a jerk because he took the money for the drain out of the $200 without discussing it with you first. You’re not a jerk for being surprised by the change – I would have been surprised as well. But I think you need to take back your key to avoid future misunderstandings.” KatFrog
Another User Comments:
“YWNBTJ IF you’re ready to end separation and go to divorce. OP the hard fact of the matter is that once he’s not ‘your man’ he does not have to provide for you or fix your problems. He may move on one day, as will you, and I’m certain neither of your future partners will appreciate you continuing to act like you’re together.
Y’all can handle matters with the kids together but home repairs…look for a handyman. If you reverse your positions and he asked you to fix and pay for something at his home wouldn’t you want reimbursement as well? He’s not being petty, this is just a welcome to the new reality.
He doesn’t have to handle tasks for you in a home he isn’t living in, and never may again. His obligation is to his kids. End of.” EJ_1004
Another User Comments:
“So first off, your STBX is a jerk, period. What kind of man doesn’t contribute financially to his darn kids?
But….YWBTJ asking for the key back in retaliation for him charging you for the drain stopper—it would, in fact, be petty. It doesn’t really have anything to do with the situation at hand, which is that he’s a deadbeat dad. Don’t get me wrong, he doesn’t need a key, and you should certainly get it back.
But tying it to this particular situation would come across as just petty. You’re better than that (and him). Get the key back, but don’t reference the drain stopper. Then take the deadbeat to court, please.” torrentialwx
7. AITJ For Refusing To Follow My Roommate's 'No Lights After 9:30 PM' Rule?
“I (19F) live with 2 girls in an apartment for school (22- F with OCD and 23- passive aggressive F).
My roommate claims she has OCD and says lights going into her room bothers her.
I do not want to follow my roommate’s curfew rules of not being in the common area past 9:30 pm, specifically not having lights on at all in the common area past 9:30?? I don’t mind her having OCD, and like that isn’t the problem but she won’t let me have lights on in the common area in the apartment that we all pay the same for.
My roommates and I don’t get along, they are mutual friends and knew each other before me moving in, and I moved in late so they had to make room for me. We have had problems in the past, but I have tried my best to move on and have still remained respectful even if they disrespected me.
I had gotten groceries late last night and had to put them away because my days are so long and I do not have time to do everything before 9:30 PM as a college student, and woke up the next morning with a sticky note (they did a sticky note because a week before I had left a sticky note on the fridge saying “may we please make sure we clean up after ourselves” because they leave crumbs out and grease all over the stove and it’s gross since it’s in the common area) on the fridge saying “Reminder – no lights on past 9:30”.
I just don’t see it as fair (and also don’t see the 2 sticky notes to be comparable because cleaning up after yourself is the bare minimum and expected as a roommate but having no lights on past 9:30 ever is impractical in my opinion), since I have not set any rules for them and let them do whatever they want because I don’t know them.
Each time we have had meetings they have both ganged up on me and are very hypocritical and do not take any blame for what they did and just accuse the other person. They claim I am being disrespectful because I don’t want to abide by their rules set for me, but I honestly think no one has stuck up to them and they aren’t used to it.
In my eyes, I feel that if lights were such a big deal then she could have lived somewhere that accommodated her needs. I use the dimmest of lights when in the living room and I don’t want them to feel like they have power over me.
I sent a message in our roommate group chat saying this and my roommate laughed at the message but claims it was an “accident”:
“In regards to the sticky note – it’s a little bit impractical to never have the lights on past 9:30 because I have long days where I’m out all day and don’t even have time to eat until I’m home or don’t have time to do anything till I’m back.
I will try my best to be respectful of noises like I have been doing. We had agreed to not have the super bright lights on and agreed that the lights above the island were good, so I’ve been using those past 9:30. I pay just as much as y’all do to live here, so at this point I’m thinking that if there’s still a problem with lights on, then you should invest in something to help that (ex – there’s light blockers that you can put under your door) because I don’t know what else to do and it’s a common area for a reason.”
I thought this was very straight to the point and I am glad I stuck up for myself. At this point, I think I will just live life in silence because I don’t know what else to do. I feel crazy but I don’t think my argument is unfair at all.
I am constantly stressed all the time and feel a hole in my stomach every time I walk into my apartment.”
Another User Comments:
“I have OCD. This is not an OCD problem. I’m not saying she doesn’t potentially have OCD, but this is unrelated. If the lights genuinely were triggering her OCD, she wouldn’t be asking, she would be forcefully turning them off, otherwise she would likely have a complete mental breakdown.
OCD is not a cute disorder where little things like lights being on after 9:30 pm bother you. It is a complete loss of self-control in a desperate attempt to stop your thoughts from torturing you 24/7. This is not OCD.” TiredOfTheInfections
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I have OCD.
Actual OCD involves intrusive, irrational thoughts and compulsions. The intrusive thoughts are extremely upsetting for people who have OCD, and someone with OCD isn’t going to be forthcoming about what they are. I have counting and checking compulsions. Also, folks with OCD know that the thoughts and things they are afraid of are irrational. I once walked past a bat lying on the sidewalk.
I spent nearly three weeks obsessing over the idea that I had somehow contracted rabies. I was nearly 30 years old and an officer in the military. I have a college degree. I knew how rabies was spread, but I was in a constant state of anxiety over this.
I also knew it was completely irrational. Additionally, I’ve been obsessively checking the stove and electrical outlets since I was four years old. Your roommate’s behavior has nothing to do with OCD. It has to do with being self-centered and entitled, and she’s using “OCD” to bully other people into accommodating her demands.
If her problem was actually OCD, she’d be obsessively shutting off the lights herself at 9:30 pm on the dot. Also, 9:30 pm is ridiculous. When you live with other people, you have to accept the fact that everyone living in the house has a right to be comfortable in their own home.
She can wear an eye mask if she’s that bothered by it. Even if she DOES have OCD (which I doubt), it’s up to her to get the help she needs and manage it; it’s not up to the people around her to disrupt their own routines or bend over backward to give in to her demands.” Necessary-Prize-7526
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, your roommates suck for obvious reasons. Tell them that their request for lights out at 9:30 has been considered and has been rejected on the grounds that: a) it’s an unreasonable ask for any demographic and especially for a collegiate one; b) she has many alternatives to managing her OCD (not that this is OCD anyway this is just some controlling bs) that doesn’t infringe on your rights as a full roommate; and c) it’s not stipulated as a rule on the lease.
She and your other roommate have zero claim and can pound sand. If you want to consider a compromise for the sake of peacekeeping, offer to keep the noise down after 9:30. If they don’t accept that, petty me recommends you be less quiet with all the lights on (without infringing on posted quiet hours) because that’s your best leverage and brings the most joy” specialklmn
6. AITJ For Insisting On Paying My Half During A Date?
“I (26F) barely go out since I’m always working and trying to save money to move out from the place I am in. I live with my mom and her partner, however, I don’t live off her.
There is a difference. It’s how to get a place. Anyway, I went out with a guy a couple of nights ago and I had a great night. Or I thought. I told the waiter to split the bill so I could pay for my own food.
But the guy snapped at me for saying that. However, I said again to the waiter I’m paying for my own bill. And I did. The guy told me that I’m selfish for paying for my own food when it should have been him since he’s a gentleman and he should have paid for his and my food.
For people to understand my POV, since I got a job at the age of 15, I have always paid for my own items since my dad taught me to never expect a man to always pay for my items. But now, I feel guilty for paying for my half of the bill since the guy told me he didn’t want to take me out again.
AITJ for paying for my half of the bill? Or am I being selfish?”
Another User Comments:
“There is nothing selfish about paying your own way. Not saying it isn’t nice to be paid for but some people (men and women) think that because they paid you owe them something and that mental tally increases each time.
I would advise, though, that in the future you let the date know beforehand that you’ll be going Dutch. For him to be that outraged and ill-mannered makes me think that he likes to be in control a little too much so I wouldn’t worry about no second date.
NTJ.” East_Parking8340
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You did nothing wrong by paying for your half. It’s great that you were raised to be independent and not expect someone else to pay for you. If he had an issue with it, he could’ve communicated that respectfully instead of snapping at you.
Expecting someone to follow his personal “rules” without even discussing it first is not cool. It sounds like you dodged a bullet better to find someone who respects your independence rather than guilt-tripping you over it.” Foxysockzgirl
Another User Comments:
“A gentleman doesn’t pay for his date.
Rather, a gentleman follows the custom of what the person they are with is most comfortable with, which might or might not involve paying. Note that, for me, “gentleman” is like “dude” – while it tends to be a term referring to males, people of any gender identity and presentation can be gentlemen.
Someone who insists on paying over the objections of the person they are with is a jerk at best. Oh, there can be genuine misunderstandings of whether this is a ritual, “No, please, allow me”, “No, I insist, it is my treat,” “Can we at least split it?” “Why don’t you get the tip and you can pick up the check next time?” Once you get to that line, that last line is actually asking about whether this was successful enough to warrant another date, or at least an actual being friends and seeing each other again even without going out.
But that’s not what the jerk did, was it? He tried to weaponize manners to force you into a situation you were uncomfortable with.” IanDOsmond
5. AITJ For Not Allowing My Messy Brother To Move Into My New House?
“My (25F) mom (49F) and my brother (30M) all lived together in a small 2-bedroom apartment in the city. My mom and I each take a room and my brother lives in the common space.
I moved in with my mom in 2018 since she lived less than a mile down the road from the college I was attending. In 2019 my mom forced my brother to move in after an accident.
In 2020, my mom lost her good-paying job so I got a part-time position at a bar near our home to help cover costs.
Since classes had been moved to an online platform I was taking longer to finish my degree but I am happy to say that back in May I graduated and got a great job as a traveling nurse.
My brother on the other hand has done absolutely nothing to help either of us out and even seems to make things worse.
Before the accident, he was attending university and had a job but since he moved in all he’s done is sit around and play video games. He sleeps all day and is up all night. He never cleans up after himself and is a slob in general. I know he didn’t live like this before so I’m not sure what caused the change in him.
I will come home after days away and the house is absolutely trashed, dishes piled in the sink, trash overflowing, dirt trashed throughout the apartment. When I bring it up he always says he’s too tired or he forgot. My mother is starting to get old and honestly shouldn’t have to clean up after my adult brother.
So I’ll spend the next few days cleaning up but once I leave and come back it’s dirty again.
After a lot of overtime and saving I have a decent amount for a downpayment on a house and last month I signed the papers to a nice 4 bed 2 bath house with a small 2 car garage and sits on a decent 3 acres of land.
I am proud to finally have a place to call my own. I told my mom she is more than welcome to come live with me since I know she won’t be able to afford the apartment on her own but my brother can’t move with her because I want my new home to stay nice and I know he would just trash it like he did the apartment.
She and my brother are calling me a jerk for not letting him move with us. My extended family have chimed in with the same thought but I honestly feel like I’m not.
So AITJ for not allowing my brother to move with us?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – good for you on your new house, it sounds lovely! It’s beyond time for your 30-year-old brother to get going on his own life and you sure don’t want that level of mess in your new house. It was nice of you to offer to house your Mom, but it seems that she is an enabler of your brother and is actually holding him back from moving on with his life.
Send your extended family a few pictures of the mess level your brother leaves and suggest that perhaps they could provide living arrangements for him.” DS3333
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You don’t owe your adult brother a place to live. Period. What you do owe him is concern about why things might not be going well for him.
Is he depressed and thus not taking care of himself properly? Does he have a pathway to a successful future for himself, to live self-sufficiently? Is he developing other friendships? These are the kinds of things you can try to help him with in a positive way as a sister, but housing him is not your responsibility and frankly might not motivate him to make the changes he needs for his life.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, and hold firm on this stance. He is a mooch and he needs to pull his own weight in life. If you can afford it offer your mom a small apartment in a retirement community or let her know she is the only adult you feel a responsibility towards and there is no circumstance in which your brother will be allowed to move into your home.
There should be no bargaining for your brother (ex: if he gets a job, agrees to do certain chores, etc) cause as soon as he’s in the door what’s to say he won’t go back on his word? For those relatives running their yap ask them to which one of their homes should you send your brother’s things since family?” Winter_Raisin_591
4. AITJ For Refusing To Bridge The Gap Between My Dad And Step-Grandfather?
“My step-grandfather “Tom” is my dad’s stepfather, but Dad calls Tom his mom’s husband. My dad does not like Tom and does not have a good relationship with him. According to Dad’s cousins and aunts and uncles, my dad and his two siblings never liked Tom and never wanted much to do with him.
Tom married my grandma after my grandpa passed away. My dad was 8 when his dad passed away, his siblings were 4 and 5. My dad was maybe 10 or 11 when my grandma and Tom got married. I don’t know the exact age. I know my dad feels like Tom had no respect for his dad’s place in his life and wanted to take over everything.
He never told me but I have heard him talk about it before.
With my dad and his siblings being adults now they have a really minimal relationship with Tom. They still speak to Grandma but we don’t see her often either because she wants Tom to be included and they don’t want to see him.
But she also doesn’t want to lose out on her kids or grandkids.
My dad let me and my siblings call Tom our “step-grandfather” vs grandma’s husband. But we’d call him Tom to his face, not Grandpa.
My aunt has her kids say grandma’s husband and Tom.
My uncle has his kids just use Tom and he has no role/title for them at all.
My siblings and I see him and grandma the most, but not a lot either. But now that I’m older (oldest grandkid overall) I see them a little more often.
Or I did. I stopped going as much because Tom wanted me to help him with Dad and he wanted me to act as like a go-between and to ask Dad to accept Tom. He wouldn’t stop asking me when I’d see him and grandma and I did ask several times.
I told him I didn’t want to be used in their issues but he said dad loves me and I could be the person who helps bridge the gap. He said he’s tired of being Tom to all of us and he wants to be dad and grandpa.
He told me my dad was the ringleader and the reason my aunt and uncle never liked him. He said if he can get through to Dad they’ll follow along. I said no so many times. Then I stopped going. Tom called me and asked where my visits went and if had I asked Dad for him yet.
I told him it wasn’t my job to help him with Dad. He lectured me about respecting my elders enough to help them.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. But someone should tell Tom that this pushing behavior is the reason why he is just Tom or step grandpa.
Yeah, he raised your dad, uncle, and aunt and it is sad that they were not able to see him as a parent and didn’t allow you to take him as a full grandparent – but by his pushing, I assume that is the reason.
Maybe tell him ‘Hey Tom. We had a good relationship and I liked visiting you and grandma. But your focus on the name issue and trying to push me to talk to my dad, when I already told you no several times, is what made me stop.
So if you and Grandma want to continue a relationship, stop pushing and appreciate what we have. A relationship. You can’t force people to call you some sweet name.'” Trevena_Ice
Another User Comments:
“Tom is manipulative, he thinks you could be more malleable and when it did not work, threw a tantrum.
I am not surprised your dad uncle and aunt have at best a distant relationship with Tom. I would tell your dad what Tom asked of you. Tom is pushy and will continue asking if you visited your grandma. NTJ, you are not comfortable with what Tom asked and stayed away.” No_Cockroach4248
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. This is an overall bad situation. You shouldn’t be “allowed” to call Tom your step-grandfather. Relationships should happen organically. Unless Tom was abusive or inappropriate with your father and his siblings, they should not perpetuate the hatred towards your grandmother’s husband and enforce that on their kids.
It seems your father and his siblings never got over their mother remarrying and that is sad in itself (again, as long as he wasn’t abusive). But no, you shouldn’t be put in the middle, but unless you know specific details stay out of it.
But that doesn’t mean you can’t accept Tom as part of your family no matter what you call him.” NoDaisy
3. AITJ For Introducing Meat Into My Vegan Children's Diet?
“I was with my ex “Venus” for over 10 years, from when I was 15 until I was almost 26. I am currently 31. Venus was raised a vegan and has never (to my knowledge) eaten meat or any animal product.
While we were together, we had 3 boys, M11 “Mercury,” M9 “Jupiter,” and M7 “Mars.”
When I first got into the relationship with Venus, I started to follow the vegan diet because she wanted me to, and I’ve mostly followed it even after we broke up, mainly out of habit.
During this time, I had to be very careful with what I ate to ensure I got the proper nutrients, and my food bill every month was sky-high. I also had a lot of issues with depression and anxiety. About 3 months ago, I slowly started to reintroduce meat into my diet, and since then, I’ve felt so much better.
I haven’t had to buy loads of vitamins or carefully plan my diet to ensure I got every amino acid or avoided deficiencies, and my food bill dropped.
I also started doing research into kids who are raised vegan and found some things that made me nervous.
I read that vegan kids can sometimes be shorter and might need supplements for things like B12, calcium, and iron if they aren’t getting everything they need from their diet. None of my boys have started puberty yet, which might be okay, but since I hit puberty at around 9, it got me worried about Mercury.
They’re also all in about the 5th-15th percentile for height and weight, which made me want to check in with the doctor, which also made me very concerned after I learned that their vegan diet could have impacted this. I was never a short kid, but I don’t know I think I just assumed they were just short for their age.
When I brought my concerns to our GP, he recommended introducing meat and animal products into their diets first to see if it would help with growth before considering other options.
So, following that advice, 6 weeks ago I decided to slowly introduce animal products into their diets whenever they had their time with me, but it has been slow.
I don’t want to introduce it too fast and I gave them the choice with all the information I had and with what the doctor said. I informed Venus about this and she was furious with me, saying how I’m just doing it to be vindictive toward her, when I’m not.
And that if I don’t stop she is going to go back to family court and get the Child Arrangements Order changed so she has full custody of the boys and I only get visitation.
I told her that this was recommended by their GP and she said I had ‘no right in going to the GP without her’, when that is not true, it was during my time with them I am entitled to do whatever I want.
She’s calling me cruel and she’s been telling our boys that they should refuse to eat any animal products and to say I’m forcing them. When this isn’t true and every time they’ve been over they’ve loved trying new foods like real milk, eggs, etc. some they don’t like which is fair.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ I don’t agree with a vegan diet for young children. Your doctor recommended meat products I would go with that. Just a heads up… Veganism is sometimes used as a manipulation or alienation tool against the other parent. The reason I know… This happened to us.
We were the meat-eating family and the stepkids’ bio-mother was a vegan. They began seeing our house as the bad house that eats meat and began “lecturing us” etc. Just something to keep an eye out for if it happens and she uses the veganism against your household.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“I am vegan and believe that you can bring up healthy vegan children. I also believe that when you have joint residency, you have to accept that the other parent will have their own rules. I had shared residency with my two older children (until the ex got bored of them).
I didn’t like the way my ex parented. The kids didn’t have an issue with different rules in their different homes and have grown up fine. I also expect my children to make their own choices once old enough. For example, I think McDonald’s is an unethical junk food company, but at 13 my youngest wanted to try the McPlant burger, so I let them.
I don’t think you should eat animals, but it is a legal, socially acceptable choice, and your ex has to accept that.” Existing-Tax7068
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She’s off her rocker if she thinks a judge will grant her full custody to feed her underweight children a vegan diet against the advice of their pediatrician.
No judge will force a family to adhere to one parent’s diet on the other parent’s time UNLESS there are serious medical issues involved. Choose to be vegan – as an adult, with the finances and ability to ensure you’re getting a balanced diet.
It is extremely hard to feed growing and pubescent kids a vegan diet alone. It IS expensive, it IS difficult to ensure all needs are met, and it IS actually just as costly environmentally when you consider the amount of global shipping and third-world poverty of food/spice items that are not local. The HEALTHIEST for the environment is to eat a completely local diet like indigenous people all around the world do.
The HEALTHIEST diet for a human is what works with their body. Diet is not a one-size-fits-all and she’s damaging her kids with her attitude. Keep the receipts! Track their diet and their growth. Get bloodwork done and add in thyroid and vitamin D which are usually separate lab tests.
Keep track of their energy levels and how they’re feeling.” Jmfroggie
2. AITJ For Not Apologizing To My Brother After He Missed My 30th Birthday Party?
“I (30f) have always loved celebrating my birthday. My parents were not amazing parents but my mum always made sure on our birthdays a big deal was made.
I got married quite young (21) and didn’t have a lot of money at the time so our wedding was very cheap, it was even BYO. I still loved it but always regretted not being able to pay for a big meal for everyone. So for my 30th, because I’m in a way better financial position, I wanted to do something where I paid for everyone’s food and drink and we all had fun.
I told everyone about it months in advance as I had to pre-pay for the venue and let them know about catering. It got to a month before my birthday and my brother (26m) hadn’t RSVPd yet so I messaged him to ask. He said that he wouldn’t be coming as he and his partner had just bought a puppy and could not leave the puppy unattended that long.
I responded by asking him if there was no one else who could look after the dog to which he responded the dog was “his responsibility, not anyone else’s.”
I explained to him how upset I was as it felt like he wasn’t even trying to come.
He said he didn’t see what the big deal was and I always make him uncomfortable by guilting him about stuff like this. For context, I have gotten mad at him before for not attending my son’s birthday party and not letting me know he wasn’t coming.
We argued a bit about other history that’s not relevant. What made me mad more than anything was his complete inability to empathize. He made me feel like I was being the difficult one for being upset with him.
5 years ago I would have lost it and told him to get out of my life forever but I’ve done a lot of therapy in that time and I simply said I wasn’t going to let him make me feel bad for having a valid response to my own brother missing an important birthday to me.
I said I needed a break from talking to him so I could enjoy my birthday and I loved him. We left it at that.
It’s been 6 months, it is now coming up to my son’s birthday and I sent him an invite as I don’t believe in withholding my kids from someone because I’m mad, my parents did that a lot.
He hasn’t responded and when my mum asked him if he was coming he said he was waiting on a conversation with me first.
In my family, that means I will be the one that has to call and he will expect me to apologize for being upset with him or he won’t come to my son’s birthday.
He is more stubborn than I am so it will have to be the way it goes for him to come. AITJ if I just don’t apologize and continue the stalemate?”
Another User Comments:
“I’m going with YTJ/ESH here mostly because I suspect that the “history that isn’t relevant” is in fact very relevant.
You think he owes you an apology and he thinks you owe him one. Your birthday is important to you. A 30th birthday is a big birthday and it is understandable you want to celebrate. But it sounds like this isn’t a one-off, that you have always done big birthday things, and that that now applies to your son.
Just because this is important to you doesn’t mean other people’s social calendars have to revolve around it and my YTJ assessment is based on the fact that you refuse to understand that. An invitation is not a summons. Your brother said he couldn’t make it, and so fixed the thing you were annoyed about for your son’s birthday (him not telling you that he couldn’t make it).
If he says he can’t come to your son’s birthday this year, how are you going to react?” Pretend-Sundae-2371
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. An invitation is not a “must say yes” kind of thing. Invitations can be refused and you don’t call/contact people and ask why and try to make them change their mind.
If someone does not RSVP, then you do not expect them to show, period. You let them live their lives. And you stop taking it as a personal affront. That said, your brother was impolite to not RSVP for your birthday and his excuse about the puppy was just silly.
He’s showing you that he does not care to celebrate as much as you do or maybe simply not WITH you. Stop inviting him, you won’t have to worry about his RSVPing anymore. Don’t let him control you with his desire for a “conversation”. LOL.
Just move on.” hadMcDofordinner
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. You sound immature, self-centered, and exhausting. It sounds like he really doesn’t WANT to interact with you. It seemed like he wasn’t trying to come because he wasn’t. He even told you why. He has a history of not coming over.
You get mad and try to guilt him over it. Rinse and repeat. You have had similar conversations before. Apparently, you have a history of going nuclear at people who displease you. And while YOU feel you have made strides, maybe he remembers it all too well and wants no part of it.
Even now, you went NC with him until YOU deem him worthy. This sort of behavior is probably why he has no interest. Your invitations are not summonses – He doesn’t need to come, or even pretend to care. He didn’t think it was a big deal, because it is not important to him.
(It was important to you, but that doesn’t carry over to anyone else.) Remember, when you act the jerk and go NC, people aren’t waiting for you to say ‘I’m not mad anymore.’ They are saying ‘Thank Goodness’ and waiting for an apology. Or not – If it’s OK for YOU to cut them off, there’s no reason for them to start talking to you again.
If you want to have a brother again, apologize and mean it. Stop acting so entitled, and consider other people’s feelings.” DryPoetry6
1. AITJ For Asking My Partner To Quit Rugby?
“I (23f) have been with my partner (28m) for about two years. He has played rugby for the entirety of our relationship and started about a year before we met. Rugby is the third person in our relationship, so I asked him to stop playing.
Was I wrong?
Every Saturday “is rugby day” where he wakes up, watches a game, plays a game with his team, and then watches another game after, usually followed up by highlight reels on YouTube until he goes to bed. He has a two-hour practice every Tuesday and Thursday.
He coaches a high school team. He assistant coaches a college team.
After every game, practice, scrimmage, etc. he comes home with some sort of injury or is just in general debilitated by pain. Covered in bruises and cuts. He has been to the hospital for a separated shoulder, a split open eyebrow, a split open lip that went all of the way through his muscle and fat, and the most recent was he got a bunch of turf beads in his eyelid and was almost blinded (not exaggerating) by it.
He will take off work for games and practices, he will cancel dates for games and practices, and he will miss important events for games and practices. My family home caught on fire – we had a fundraiser – he tried to skip it for a game (the game got canceled so that’s why he showed up).
We were out to my birthday dinner and he asked if we could rush it so that he could make his practice after. We can’t go out and do anything on a rugby day, we can’t be intimate on a rugby day, he can’t function on a rugby day.
And his excuse is “it’s tough on rugby days”…. well his “Saturday is a rugby day” has turned into every day is a rugby day.
He gets stressed out financially because where we live is extremely expensive. But, he has money for new cleats, new studs for his cleats when they break off, tape for his joints for games, team memorabilia.
Basically, he has money for rugby like an addict has money for his fix.
I want to say I’m glad he has something he enjoys. I’m glad he coaches and that his students look up to him and that it makes him feel good about himself.
We’ve both met some incredible people through the rugby community.
But, the phone calls at 1 am that he’s in the hospital due to an injury, getting yelled at because he’s broke, having to cater to him whenever he plays because he’s sore, consoling him when he’s bawling his eyes out because he lost a starting position and having to eat sleep and breathe rugby because he does….it was too much.
He freaked when I asked him to leave. Told me I don’t appreciate the things he cares about, said I should be thankful he has rugby or else he would be dead. That he has nothing else. I feel horrible. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and this is as a former college football player who then played rugby (at a pretty high level) for years after college (before retiring from active participation to prioritize my career, relationship and starting a family). What you described is a not-uncommon example of rugby culture.
Rugby is a great game and community and it can be addictive. It gives men a positive masculine outlet and bonding that is rare in our society today. However, you’re NTJ for asking someone who is years into a relationship to prioritize the relationship over their hobbies.
It’s part of life and it’s his choice to make. Of course, the flip side of that is he is not the jerk if he chooses rugby over you. Y’all are both adults who need to have an honest conversation with yourselves and each other about your relationship and where it is going.
The only way anyone is a jerk here is if y’all lead each other on and are not honest about your needs and life plans moving forward.” GuidanceClean6243
Another User Comments:
“What I’m reading is that he’s deeply and truly passionate about rugby.
I don’t know how to rule on this exactly. On the one hand, if you’re asking and not demanding, there’s merit to that. On the other, it’s obviously important to him. Similarly, if you’re concerned with his well-being, I fully get that.
And in the same breath, you also sound like you’re a bit jealous that rugby is so important to him. I love animals. I’ve worked with some potentially dangerous dogs (think rescued fighting dogs) I’ve never been hurt, but it’s not impossible.
If someone asked me to give it up, I’d be absolutely crushed and honestly, probably more keen to give them up than my passion.” BeMandalorTomad
Another User Comments:
“I was prepared for you to be a jerk but this is 100% NTJ. He doesn’t have a sense of balance between you and the sporting community and his priorities are out of whack.
Not to mention, he doesn’t sound like a safe player. I have played very high-level rugby since I was 11, injuries do happen, including weird rogue ones. But to be on a constant rotation of high-level injury means that he doesn’t know how to properly make or take tackles and is playing like a man on a mission to get hurt.
Those people are scary and those people are ones that shouldn’t be on the pitch.” coastalkid92
