People Feel Left Out In These 'Am I The Jerk?' Stories
20. AITJ For Considering To Stop Financially Supporting My Irresponsible Father?
“I am a 35-year-old Asian woman, so cultural context is important in understanding my situation. In our culture, it is customary for parents to support their children’s education, and for children to care for aging parents.
Growing up, my dad didn’t own or rent a home and left us when I was 11.
He didn’t contact us for five years. My uneducated mom worked daily wage jobs to support us, but with no help, I eventually moved in with my aunt, who agreed to fund my education. However, she was emotionally abusive, and my mom worked as a maid in her household.
Due to financial constraints, I couldn’t pursue my desired degree and graduated in a more affordable field. Despite this, I excelled academically and secured a stable job with decent pay after graduation.
My dad reconnected with us during this time and sent a small amount of money for groceries.
After finding a job, I left my aunt’s home, and my mom moved in with my dad. He wasn’t happy with the responsibility, but in 2014, I invited both parents to live with me as they aged. Since then, I’ve been financially supporting them.
My dad stopped contributing due to lack of income, although he did give me and my sister some small savings. My divorced sister now lives with them, and I send her money monthly to cover household expenses since she doesn’t have a stable income.
I also cover my dad’s medical and personal costs.
Recently, a 20-year-old bounced check case from my dad’s past resurfaced, and I must pay the plaintiff to prevent him from going to jail. While I’m willing to cover this, I was shocked to learn that my dad recently pawned jewelry I gifted him to take out a loan, which he invested in cryptocurrency.
He has no proof of this investment or where the money went, and now I have to repay the loan as well. Worse, he shows no remorse and doesn’t respect my sister because she can’t contribute financially.
I feel resentful at times, remembering my childhood struggles.
Once I resolve the bounced check issue, I plan to stop giving my dad money and instead send funds to my sister for his medical expenses. However, this decision leaves me conflicted. He’s 75, and while I love him and cherish some childhood memories, I feel torn about cutting financial support.
AITJ for considering this?”
Another User Comments:
“The biggest lie ever told to children is that they should be there for their parents “no matter what”. If blood really meant so much to your father, he wouldn’t have skipped out on you and your mother for half a decade, leaving you both in a terrible situation.
Sounds like his only interest is himself, so stop feeling guilt about doing what is best for yourself. He’s acting like a child, so treat him like one. Children who can’t be trusted with money don’t get given it to misuse. NTJ, but your father has been his whole life” Spartan_Fartan
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. There’s a difference between enabling and helping. You’re not saying you won’t cover his needs – you’re saying you won’t give him money to throw away irresponsibly. There’s nothing wrong with that decision. It is YOUR money. You can choose to care for his needs as your culture expects, but that does not mean you need to allow him the opportunity to disrespect you by wasting your money.” Evening_Produce1070
Another User Comments:
“NTJ But consider letting him experience some consequences here. Sounds like his financial irresponsibility is getting worse, he needs consequences for some of it. He can handle the cheque or do time. You need to untangle yourself from that whole mess, you will end up waiting for them all to die to take care of yourself, and you’ll be lucky if they don’t work you to death first.” Ok_Homework_7621
19. AITJ For Expecting My Roommate To Help Clean Our Shared Apartment?
“I (20F) live on my college campus apartments with my randomly assigned roommate, we’ll call her Lily. I’ve been living here for 2 years now and when Lily moved in at the start of last Fall semester, she immediately threw a fit about the cleanliness of the place.
Now, I’m not a hoarder, nor do I let my rooms get very messy. There was nothing on the floors except some of my dog’s (she is a registered ESA for my mental disabilities) fur. I have never lived in a room where you “cannot see the floor” and I tend to keep things to a certain standard of cleanliness.
Anyways, recently, we had sanitary inspections, which happen twice a year and can be pretty exact. They mostly want to make sure that you aren’t trashing the place since most people only live here for a year or two. However, there is a 20-dollar fee associated with failing the initial inspection.
Knowing this, I dedicated a few hours the day before to doing the dishes in the sink, cleaning and degreasing the stovetop, and scrubbing the insides of the oven (which are all mandatory). I made sure to sweep so that none of my dog’s hair had built up around the apartment, and I also took out the trash and reminded my roommate to make sure she didn’t have any candles out as those are prohibited.
The day eventually comes and Lily isn’t there when the inspection happens, but we fail. The reason is that the drip pans under the stove weren’t cleaned, and the shower also wasn’t sufficient. Additionally, Lily had some string lights that are prohibited because they can potentially be a fire hazard.
I took note of things and then decided I’d work on them later as I had classes and homework to do.
While I was out, my roommate texted me telling me that we didn’t pass inspection and that I needed to keep things cleaner. At this I get kind of upset because I tried, I took the time to make sure that as many of the demands as I remembered were met and even ended up washing some of the dishes she left in the sink to make absolutely sure everything would be fine.
I texted her back that I would appreciate some help keeping communal areas clean since all she cleans is her room, and her sink in the bathroom. She didn’t respond and things have been tense since. I think that she has delegated the responsibility of cleaning the communal areas to me because of my ESA, which I don’t think is fair.
Due to this and other issues, my friends have said that I’m not a jerk. But I feel like Lily might have a point. I mean, my dog does shed a lot as she is a long-haired dog but I mostly keep her in my room and she is very well-behaved. That, along with the fact that I do tend to be messier than she is, I feel like I might be not doing enough.
I don’t know, am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ And I’m even blaming you for the drip pans, even if she also uses the stove. Since you undertook to clean it, you were responsible for cleaning it thoroughly. But she’s equally responsible for cleaning the shower (I mean, your dog doesn’t take showers, does she?) and her string lights were part of the failure, so for her to hold you 100% responsible is unreasonable.
So split the fine in half, and sit down with Lily and discuss chores. Clean up splashes and spills immediately, wash dishes immediately after meals, and then alternate weeks on a more thorough cleaning of the bathroom and kitchen. Garbage should be taken out daily; you can also alternate on that.
If I were you I’d agree to sweep more frequently to keep the dog hair under control.” SamSpayedPI
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You make sure to clean up after your dog. You cleaned your room and the communal area. It was one of her things that was prohibited. You tried, it is completely valid for you to ask her to clean your shared space as it is both of your spaces.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“I’d say that you are NTJ. You said that you cleaned your apartment. But at the same time, I don’t know how clean your apartment is. It could be messy for all I know. Your roommate seems to not be cleaning around the house as you put it.
Can you try asking her in person to try and clean outside of her private space? You both share the apartment after all. Also, I don’t know how not cleaning your drip pans means failing sanitation inspection. Yeah, I may suggest that you clean it, but I don’t think it would warrant failing the inspection unless it’s hosting an entire non-rent-paying colony.
Secondly, how bad is your shower? You said that the inspectors found it insufficient. Plus I don’t think having a dog would make your apartment that dirty, just try to clean up after it regularly. And just because you have an ESA doesn’t mean all the housework should be delegated to you.” Suspicious_Studio_43
18. AITJ For Refusing To Pay For A Party I Wasn't Properly Included In?
“I was recently invited to a birthday party out of state by a friend of a friend. I don’t know this person but have heard of them. It was a 2-hour drive for me. At the restaurant, myself and another person could not fit at the group table and they did not accommodate us so we had to just wait around until a two-top opened up near the group table but we never got to join the group.
I didn’t complain because I wanted my friend to have a great birthday and it’s ultimately not about me. The next part of the event was not at this business and we had to travel to another business across town. The next day, I drive home and everything seems normal. A couple of days later I got a text from the person who planned the party/event.
Keep in mind, although I met this person at the party briefly, I have never talked to or received a text message from them before (party details were through the grapevine which is why I had next to none). They’re asking me if I can help pay for the event since it was a couple hundred dollars.
I was shocked! I didn’t get to enjoy eating with the group and I even brought a gift and booze. Now, she’s asking for money? I thought the common social convention was to let people know that there is a cost upfront I politely told her my reasoning for not taking responsibility for the cost of the party.
If I had known there was a cost associated with attending, I would have likely declined due to all the other costs associated with traveling and not retting to see my friend that the party was planned for. They never replied to my message, but I assumed they thought I was unreasonable and unfair.
I soon learned from another friend of mine that other people were texted and asked for money as well. On principle, I was not going to give her the money. It’s poor taste in my opinion and I wasn’t involved enough to take any responsibility for the cost I didn’t even know about.
I thought it would blow over and they live in another state so I wouldn’t have to see them.
More recently, I found out that our mutual friend found out about it. I sort of expected them to see my point of view but was shocked when they said “Well, I think you two both thought you were right” and then cited my OCD as a reason why I “want things a certain way” … That also took me aback.
They then added that “we always ask each other for money afterward.”
I have never heard of that being a social rule of thumb and would never expect that of anyone. I don’t think I did anything wrong but now it seems like their friend says I’m a jerk and MY friend excuses my “jerkiness as my OCD… Am I the jerk??”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You are correct; it was poor planning to not let folks know in advance how costs would be split and it was in poor taste to do it afterwards. How much do you value this friendship? If you do not, stop responding.
If you want to smooth things over, cough up the money, but I would add a note about poor planning and taste. In the future, best to ask if such details are not volunteered first.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ That comment about your mental health was uncalled for and also just not applicable.
If it is a tradition for everyone to share the bill, your ‘friend’ who invited you to tag along to this should have told you beforehand. There was no space for you to sit at their table so you weren’t part of this party so you don’t owe them anything, assuming you paid your bill.
I would never drive 2h to a party of a friend of a friend. Too much effort to see people I don’t know. I’d learn from this.” almalauha
Another User Comments:
“Ok, look. You were invited to a party, with absolutely no mention that you would have to “help pay for the event”.
And then, days later you are asked to help pay up. And told you are “wanting things a certain way”, yea… no kidding, WTF And you didn’t even know the celebrant, you were invited by a friend of a friend, to drive to another state-how were you supposed to know that friend group had a tradition of throwing a party and then submitting an invoice?!
And you didn’t even get to eat dinner at the same table at the restaurant, (I guess you should be happy you weren’t asked to split the check). But you and some random other birthday celebrant had to sit at a table by yourselves.
I know that’s what I look forward to doing when I go to a group dinner. Sitting alone with some rando and not interacting with the birthday person or the group. (s) Don’t pay. And if your “friend” can’t understand why you wouldn’t want to pay-dump them.
NTJ” YouthNAsia63
17. AITJ For Only Allowing Supervised Visits For My MIL Due To Her Disregard For Boundaries?
“My husband (39M) and I (38F) have told his mother she can no longer have visits with our 3 children (under 12) without one of us present. We are not the only ones, my BIL and his partner are doing the same for their 2 children (under 5). They are 2 of 4 children (all over 30) of my MIL, with the youngest having mental health issues.
After an incident, the family intervened and sought the courts to place SIL into guardianship. Medical professionals said SIL needs to be in a treatment facility but nothing is available, still a year later. SIL has dealt with mental issues over the last 12 years. My MIL is widowed and is semi-retired. She is a very poor housekeeper and gives our kids money for “picking up” messes that they may not have made.
She also has several indoor pets making messes frequently. She shows up late to many things our kids are participating in and spends more time visiting with the other parents and grandparents than watching. She doesn’t take a firm stance with my SIL and is not financially stable.
BIL and his partner took in SIL for several weeks after hospitalization with some very specific rules. MIL assisted SIL with rule breaking and what they saw as “loopholes” and against medical advice. After SIL damaged the property, BIL told her guardian to find another placement.
This created another short-lived hospital stay.
At that time my husband informed his mother, that if she took in his sister, MIL would only be allowed supervised visits with our children. SIL is also not allowed any interaction with our children after she stated she didn’t need “us” to be part of her life in a mediated family meeting.
MIL keeps claiming that we are keeping her grandchildren from her. She is not respecting our boundaries which we were very clear on several months ago. She even threatened to not attend Christmas as SIL was not invited, again due to SIL’s comments.
We don’t want our children in a place where manipulation is the primary interaction and an unstable mental state.
We will not and do not hide behind closed doors on this topic with our kids. We have very open discussions with them and let them make their own decisions.
MIL was upset about not being invited to a tournament. Our oldest was competing both academically and athletically.
The first competition was 6 am-noon. The next started at noon and ultimately lasted until 7:30 pm. My parents and other kids didn’t attend. Our oldest requested we not invite her to their next sporting event. Tournaments are typically close to an hour’s drive for MIL and the majority of time is spent watching other teams compete.
MIL’s most recent stunt was to be “sick” for the next competition and not attend. She had several hours but she didn’t communicate that until after the game had started. Now MIL is harassing my husband and stating we are alienating her grandchildren.
Our younger two have birthdays coming up and she wanted “alone” time with them. My husband told her no. Are we the jerks?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – and I would double down to cut her off altogether. She only cares now because she looks like the terrible grandmother she is and she can no longer manipulate your kids.
The only reason she wants alone time is to manipulate them. She can have a perfectly reasonable relationship with them with you present. But she doesn’t want that because why..? To manipulate them. To tell them things she doesn’t want you to hear.
My grandmother was like her and my parent kept her in my life way after I would like out of guilt and “but the family”. I had distanced myself from her a decade before my parent cut her off, and it created resentment in me toward my parent for keeping her around and pushing her at me during “family events”.
Don’t be like my parent, protect your kids now.” miriandrae
Another User Comments:
“Esh – so ok NTJ for wanting your kids safe. However, you are the jerk for looking at this as disrespecting your boundaries. The woman (whether misguided or not) is trying to help her daughter.
Having a mental health issue is nobody’s fault. If you had cancer would that be your fault? Even if you had lung cancer through smoking we’d still treat that person with compassion. Imagine struggling with mental health and the people you should rely on scorn you and show no empathy.
So again NTJ for needing to keep kids safe or wanting to be present but the way you expressed yourself – you have no kindness. You guys are saying no to her based on her involvement with SIL. Yet all this narrative about her being late, poor housekeeper etc. You just don’t like her and appreciate her even if there was no SIL issue.” RLS2023
16. AITJ For Warning My Japanese Friend About The Risks Of Eating Raw Chicken?
“I’m a woman in my late 20s, currently studying Japanese, though I’m far from fluent. Since last year, I’ve been chatting with a Japanese man in his late 50s to practice Japanese while helping him with his English.
We’ve gotten along really well, often sharing details about our daily lives and bonding over a shared love for cooking.
We even exchanged pictures of our meals regularly. Recently, we both decided to focus on eating healthier and exercising more, so our conversations shifted to discussing healthy ingredients and eating habits.
During one of these chats, we talked about how making leftovers is useful, though he mentioned that sashimi isn’t good to eat as leftovers.
Knowing he loves sashimi, I brought up something I’d heard about raw chicken sashimi being popular in Japan. When I asked if he eats raw chicken, he admitted that he does.
Concerned, I told him to be careful, mentioning that I’d seen warnings—both from foreigners and within Japan—about the risks of food poisoning and salmonella.
He dismissed my concerns, saying that warnings from Japanese people in English hold no value and that food poisoning from raw chicken is extremely rare. He also made a comment about foreigners criticizing raw chicken, claiming it was something about Chinese people pretending to be Taiwanese, which I didn’t fully understand but assumed was a political reference.
I grew up learning that raw chicken can carry salmonella and that even minimal contact with raw chicken requires careful cleaning. While I understand that cultural food practices differ, I’d also read that some Japanese people get food poisoning from chicken sashimi yet still continue eating it.
This worried me for his safety.
He became very upset, saying that Japanese chicken is cleaned and prepared carefully, and accused me of disrespecting his country’s food culture. I understand now that I came across as critical, which was not my intention. I was just genuinely worried for his well-being.
Feeling terrible about this, I apologized multiple times and tried to explain my concern, but he refused to accept my apologies or clear up any misunderstandings. I even researched articles—both in English and Japanese—that stated about 10,000 people in Japan get food poisoning annually from raw chicken.
Unfortunately, he told me that he wanted to end our friendship over this, which broke my heart.
AITJ for worrying about my friend’s safety regarding raw chicken, even though it’s a delicacy in his country?”
Another User Comments:
“Your location (and his) in this situation is important.
If you are criticizing Japanese food, in Japan, then yes you are definitely the jerk. But in North America, with our sloppier standards and food handling practices, your concerns about raw chicken are definitely warranted. You just may not have expressed this opposing opinion in the most sensitive way.
Remember that you are younger (and therefore, ‘subordinate’) to this person, and in Asian society, directly challenging his opinion would be considered much more rude than in North America. (I’m not saying this is right, but it is what it is). Japanese people are fiercely proud of their unique food culture and Americans have a long history of expressing racism through food; so it’s understandable why your friend got upset at what he perceived to be criticism of a favorite national dish.
If you want to repair this relationship, may I suggest that you reach out in writing, PROFUSELY apologize again (because that is the Asian way), and explain that it is North American chicken that you believe is unsafe to eat as sashimi and that you didn’t mean at all to insult and judge Japanese chickens and Japanese cuisine.
Even if you don’t get an answer, you at least try. Don’t try to defend your position nor convince him of the correctness of your argument; at this point, it’s become about national identity & pride, it’s not just about chicken anymore. I’m sorry that this argument happened. Everyone’s a jerk here” busyshrew
Another User Comments:
“I’ve eaten several chicken sashimi dishes in Japan and I’ve never been sick. You’ve got to realize that the absolute garbage we have here in the USA is barely chicken. It’s so highly commodified, kept in tiny dirty cages, and not fed appropriate diets that it ceases to be a natural animal. In Japan, those chickens are specific; eat and walk around freely, and are harvested and butchered on-site by professionals who make sure that this is a dish that won’t hurt anybody.
I would venture to say that more people get sick eating cooked chicken in the USA than chicken sashimi in Japan, especially since a lot of foreigners try that while traveling. I’m not sure if you’re a jerk or not, but not everyone has the all-powerful USDA to regulate industries (poorly) and there is absolutely no way I’d eat chicken sashimi in the US, I hardly eat restaurant-cooked chicken anyway since it’s really disgusting most of the time.” theLIGMAmethod
15. AITJ For Wanting My Classmate To Stop Touching Me With Her Legs?
“I (18F) am in CompSci in a non-US or European country. Our computer labs are small and we have a seating plan, which means whoever you’re sitting next to will be your seatmate for the school year. I’ve been in these classrooms for other classes besides this particular one, and I never had anyone’s legs touch me, including tall men who sit open with their knees apart.
Which is the problem I’m having now.
In this one class I have, my seatmate (20ish? Trans Female) recently got a revision for her previous SRS. She was talking openly about this, where I’m from it’s uncommon but not accepted to be transgender (I live in a more open-minded part of my country) So we were all willing to accommodate her while she recovers.
I’m assuming she got the revision before the school year started because I didn’t notice any long absences but maybe it’s a simple and quick surgery, so I’m not sure how recovered she is at this point (I heard these surgeries take a long time to completely heal).
This is mostly why I’m worried about my complaint…
While sitting, she unfortunately has to keep her legs spread far, which means her leg is besting on mine. Neither of us is too tall (I’m 5’1 and she’s a few inches taller than me) but it’s still enough for us to be smooshed against each other, her knees are open 180 degrees to the side.
I tried warning her but she just sorta shrugged and said she couldn’t help it. She was also constantly moving her legs, I have RLS too so I can understand but it’s really hard to focus when someone is shaking their leg onto yours. I told her how much I dislike being touched >!(I was diagnosed with Autism at a young age and I think that may be the reason, I never liked hugging or handshaking etc. I feel very weird at most physical contact but I try not to be rude and go with it in public.
I don’t say this to try to excuse myself but as context)!< but she just showed me under the table and said ''There's no space for me to put my legs, I can't do anything'' I don’t want to seem disrespectful, so I even tried mentioning to her other seatmate to maybe warn her as well (he didn’t and said he wasn’t bothered) I don’t want her to think I’m being bigoted, I truly would be disturbed if it was a biological woman too, I simply don’t want to be touched while I’m trying to focus.
I considered asking for the teacher to seat me elsewhere while she recovered, but in my mind, felt wrong if I asked him ”Please seat me elsewhere, I don’t want to sit near someone who’s healing” I don’t want my words to be misconstructed.
So yeah, WIBTJ if I just tell her to close her legs and stop bothering me?
Am I being transphobic or a rude individual? Sorry if this is a mess, I’m not a native English speaker.”
Another User Comments:
“This has nothing to do with her surgery or recovery. Someone is touching you and it’s making you uncomfortable. It’s disruptive.
I would bring that to your teacher or her but completely leave out any references to the surgery or her legs. Why she’s touching you is irrelevant. She needs to manage her personal space so that it does not disturb you. You would not be the jerk for requesting she not touch you.
You would be YTJ for asking her to ‘close her legs.’ Edit: clarifying that I’m voting specifically on the wording of your question.” Major_Barnacle_2212
Another User Comments:
“You should explain the issue to the teacher and ask for a different seat. Seating plans usually aren’t set in stone if there’s a legitimate issue.
Explain that you can’t focus and you have issues with being touched and having her legs in your space is making it difficult to be fully present in class but that you understand she has surgery and can’t help out and you’re hoping that perhaps you could sit somewhere else for the comfort and focus of all parties.” slayerchick
Another User Comments:
“YTJ if you say it like that. Saying ‘keep your legs closed’ in English has a very strong undertone. That may have gotten lost in translation. But, her need for groin space to heal does not come before your needs not to be touched. Please tell her kindly that you do not want to be touched and suggest you go to the teacher together to get accommodations.” Then_Pay6218
14. AITJ For Missing My Best Friend's Birthday Party Due To A Health Scare?
“My (25F) best friend’s birthday party (24F) was this past weekend. While getting ready (4:30 pm) I experienced a cardiac episode (a minute of palpitations/wrong heart rhythm). I have had slight palpitations recently but not like this.
I was dizzy, and couldn’t catch my breath, also my mother had a heart attack, along my father passed away a few years ago when his heart gave out. My friend who was visiting convinced me to go to the hospital. When texting her what was happening, she asked if I was alright but upon mentioning I was going to the hospital she got very dry in her replies, she proceeded to turn her phone onto Do Not Disturb for 4 hours, and not answer any text messages while I was in the hospital with my other friend who took me.
(I’m okay but have to get more testing) When leaving for the hospital I packed a change of outfit, makeup, and her card in my bag in case she wanted me to come, and when messaging her I was leaving, I heard no response.
When I returned home (8:30 pm), she finally texted me and said that she was glad I was okay and to “have fun” with my other friend (who took me to the hospital??).
The next day was her actual birthday, I messaged her in the morning wishing her a lovely day.
She said thank you, and a few hours later she messaged again asking how I was feeling, I told her right, and I asked if she was mad at me and if she’d like to discuss it that day or another time. She replied, “Let’s talk another time”.
I did not push back, I just said “Okay”.
A few hours later she messaged me saying “I’m making her more upset with how I’m acting today” (in bed, recovering) “It was one thing I didn’t come but I didn’t invite her over to hang out (with my friend who was taking care of me) and ‘make up’ for the fact that I wasn’t at her party” she also was mad I didn’t post her on my story and “she didn’t act like this on my birthday” (which was the weekend prior) she said “her phone was on DND because it was connected to the speakers at her party” and “you have had multiple tests on your heart and each time they assure you it is okay” (I have gotten a few tests for palpitations but must get more) and she was mad because “even though I didn’t show up yesterday I wasn’t making it up to her today”
Her birthday gift was also supposed to be an all-expense paid trip to NYC, which we were supposed to go on the next week together (she knew about this trip) so it’s not like I wasn’t celebrating her. On top of the fact that she’s not shown up to my housewarming (sad about her breakup 3 months after), canceled Galentines, or other plans the day off because she’s tired. All of which I understood and had no issues with.
I never go to the hospital unless it’s extremely serious. I would’ve still shown up if I was feeling horrible and wasn’t scared of the danger.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“I think she pretty much thinks you are being a hypochondriac about your palpitations and that you are doing it for attention.
However, you have a strong family history of heart disease and it seems unlikely that your doctors would continue to do tests on a healthy young woman if they felt there wasn’t a chance that there’s an underlying organic cause that should be treated. Hopefully, further testing will show that your palpitations are benign, but you don’t yet know that to be the case.
Good luck to you on that! Also, you ARE celebrating your friend’s birthday with a really big gift. And, as you point out, she has failed to show up to some of YOUR life events just because she was tired. So it’s also possible that she has a little bit of “main character syndrome” (great label, I love it).
In which case, you can ignore her and maybe find some more awesome friends?” Reasonable-Sale8611
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your health takes more importance than her party. I had to make the choice between seeing my grandmother on her birthday in September 2021 over quarantine to be sure I didn’t get sick prior to yet another surgery.
I chose quarantine and got chewed out for it by my mother. I needed to have a stent changed. My common bile duct had been cut during surgery to remove my gallbladder in April 2021. I’d had the stent replaced in June – less than 5 months prior to the September replacement!
I wanted to be healthy again and see everyone when I wasn’t terrified I would have a bile leak and go septic again. Was it worth my mother’s anger? Absolutely. I’d been septic twice already, and I wasn’t going to FAFO.” midnightsrose77
13. AITJ For Accusing My Co-Worker Of Faking A Disability?
“I know a girl who we’ll call Cassie. We are both 19f, we are coworkers, we go to the same university in our hometown, and we have been sort of friends since we were 12.
Our university has an event where a few disabled students are commended for doing incredibly well “despite their disabilities”. They have to give a speech and whatnot.
Cassie was one of the three people chosen. She made a speech about this vague story about being in and out of the hospital, dealing with lots of pain, and constant bullying as a child.
She ended it with how she’s happy to represent those with invisible disabilities because “you still get to be attractive”. She said this alongside two visibly disabled students. The big catch to this is that Cassie does not have a disability. There’s nothing wrong with her.
I would believe it if she hadn’t been in a hospital since the day she was born. She got this because of nepotism. Her mom set this up, she works for the faculty and wants people to view her as a saint of some sort.
She and a few of her buddies have always been trying to out-good each other through straight-up lies at least since I looked her up for the first time. She lies about having disabled kids, running a horse rescue, and spending most of her free time volunteering.
Her mom is also one of the five or so people in charge of this program so that’s how I am 99% sure this is true.
After this, my roommates and I were going to eat dinner and watch a movie at home together. I brought up Cassie by calling her a nepotism baby and went on about her not being disabled and her mom.
I thought they were going to agree with me but they got upset at me apparently for being ableist and how she’s so brave for dealing with all of that. Somehow she’s not ableist for saying you “get to be attractive” if you’re not visibly disabled. This escalated even further and one of my roommates told Cassie about it and how I’m “being a jerk”.
I feel like I’m going insane because anyone who knows Cassie knows she hasn’t “been in and out of the hospital all of her life” and has never mentioned having any specific issues.
I wonder if I’m the jerk for saying it to my roommates.
It’s the difference between seeing someone fat in public and thinking they are fat and saying they are fat. My roommates, who are some of my closest friends, are pretty upset at me and I might lose my job if Cassie and I’s boss catches wind of this.
I don’t think my roommates are jerks because they think she legitimately has a disability when I know she doesn’t. I don’t think I’m the jerk either because I know there’s nothing wrong with her and I’m just stating what I know. I would like to know what people think about this.
What’s the verdict? Am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. For a minute, I’ll play along with you that somehow, despite not meeting Cassie till you were 12 (so you’ve only known her one-third of your lives), you know her entire medical history for those 12 years.
What benefit is Cassie reaping? What program or faculty is her mother involved with? Are other people being denied accommodation in favor of Cassie? Do you believe you need to tell everyone all the details about your invisible disabilities to have them or be believed about having them?” TemptingPenguin369
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. It’s not your place to set the verdict on whether or not someone truly has a disability. Were you around Cassie 24/7 growing up to rule out that she might have been in and out of hospitals? Maybe she kept it private and didn’t want anyone to know.
Let this also be a lesson not to speak poorly of a coworker (even if you are friends) without irrefutable proof if it gets raised to HR. As for being ableist – your friends are right. Just because you are “sort of friends” with someone doesn’t mean you know them.
And if Cassie is truly lying, things will come out eventually – but it’s not any of your business. My best friend claimed she suffered from seizures, but I know and her partner know that they are pseudo-seizures. They’re still a very real, emotional-trauma response condition.
That does not mean I go around telling everyone she doesn’t have seizures.” blueteamoon
12. AITJ For Ignoring My Mom's Non-Emergency Calls While Trying To Improve My Mental Health?
“I had recently asked my family to refrain from contacting me unless it was an emergency.
I’ve been having issues with my mental health and just wanted to try and heal on my own without the constant phone calls. (My family is very close, we talk A LOT).
My immediate family was very supportive of my decision and they let me know they were there if I needed them.
Except for my mom. She immediately called and texted me asking what was going on (which was detailed in the message I sent in the group chat). She wouldn’t stop, but I held my ground and ignored her attempts at contact.
For context, my mom and I have a very rocky relationship.
Going back to childhood she made very blatant comments about my weight, my choice of friends, same-gender partners, and my jobs. She is the type of person who believes that she can fix everything with money and is upset when her children aren’t immediately satisfied with a gift or money after a disagreement.
She’s a master manipulator, loves to guilt trip us, and is never wrong in her eyes. I do everything to help her when she needs it. I’m just now trying to stand my ground because my mental health is being severely affected.
My mother called me a few days after the initial message in the group chat.
She then texted me when I didn’t answer and said, “Call me, it’s important, and don’t take too long either.” Now I didn’t have to answer but she said it was important so I asked her to text me. She immediately refused, “No I said call me I’m not texting a book.” I calmly explained that I didn’t want to speak on the phone and asked her to send a voice memo if she could.
She again said no and insisted I call her. At that point, I calmly explained that I would not be calling her and that if this was an emergency to let me know. I then explained if this was not an emergency she could reach out to her other two children or anyone else in the family that could help.
At this point, she was very angry and called me a whole bunch of names including ungrateful, and said it was sad that I didn’t want to help her. She then called my sister and screamed at her for not getting me to help her.
After speaking with my sister, I learned my mother needed help watching my two nieces for a couple of weeks while my sister was out of town and she also wanted help watching her dogs while she was out of town for a weekend.
First of all, that is something she could have texted. And second of all I never said I would not help her.
She just never asked. Now she is blaming me for not being able to attend a baby shower across the country because I “refused” to help her watch her dogs for the weekend.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Her goal was to create a “fake emergency” to have the phone call that you didn’t want to have.
You are correct: She could easily have said, “Can you watch the nieces in 2 weeks and my dogs for the weekend.” That is not a book. Also, it sounds like your mom has a history of game-playing. You are wise to reduce contact with her.” SushiGuacDNA
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. There was nothing she could not have conveyed in the text. She wanted voice so she could interactively push and guilt you into compliance. Also, none of what she wanted was an emergency. You should have refused to help because you should not reinforce her for crying wolf.
Send her a last text “In an emergency, have someone else from the family contact me”, then block her.” extinct_diplodocus
11. AITJ For Not Sharing My Pregnancy Journey With My Mom After She Blamed My Miscarriage On Early Gender Reveal?
“Christmas time we went to see family and they had known I was pregnant and I miscarried, and the time it took with IVF and that I would be trying again and starting the process in January 2024.
Backstory my childhood friend was also pregnant, and she gave birth to a healthy, baby boy. She chose not to find out the gender until he was born. We’ll call her Sarah. The camper my husband and I were staying in my mother and dad were also staying in.
I noticed my mom had brought some things with her to my sister‘s house for Christmas and saw baby gifts. They were all western themed which I love I grew up riding horses, and I was starting to assume they had been for me and she still planned to give them to me.
But I know the saying they say about assuming so I decided to bring it up. I asked my mom about the gifts and asked who she had got them for and she said for my friend Sarah. Then she asked if I saw what Sarah had done with her pregnancy how she didn’t find out the gender and waited for the baby to be born.
She said you should try that next time that was very cool of her. I said that my husband and I were happy to find out early as this is a very exciting thing for us and I get extremely anxious about planning so I will want to be planning for what gender we are having as soon as I’m able to.
Then my mother told me that if I’m going to find out the gender again early, not tell her what the gender is because she doesn’t wanna know what I’m having. She said it was wrong to find out early and that’s when things can happen.
She suggested that my getting an early gender blood test could have caused me to miscarry.
My blood just began to boil and I excused myself to go outside and I took a breather. My sister and I are very close and when I came back in and she asked if I was OK I said yes just what had happened with what Mom had said, and how I felt her comparing my situation to Sarah to be more like her.
She had told me that when I had left, my mom had told her I think I made her upset. Since the incident, my mom has not brought it up to me and I have not brought it up to her because I am worried about arguing with her about it.
I have spoken with my therapist about this, and have decided that I won’t be sharing my IVF journey with her, and still finding out the gender of my baby early and sharing the gender with everyone, I did previously but my mom. If she doesn’t wanna know anything, I’m not gonna tell her she can find out like everybody else.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, OP, it sounds like you have made a reasonable decision that will suit both you and your Mother; Mom doesn’t want to know & you are respecting that. Your choice is to know the gender of your baby and you are respecting your wishes too.
Excellent! Your Mom has some unusual beliefs & preferences. I can appreciate your feeling upset; I suspect Mom is thinking that she is being helpful by sharing her opinions. Ouch!” stephnetkin
Another User Comments:
“I had three successful pregnancies and never wanted to know the gender of the child.
A. It didn’t matter to us, we just wanted healthy. And B. It would make the baby more real than hypothetical and would cause more heartbreak to us. NTJ and good luck to you!” voyageur1066
10. AITJ For Interfering In My Ex's Parenting Of Her Stepson?
“Me (36M), My son Odin (5M), Ex Kathy (32F), Kathy’s Wife Mary (30F), Mary’s son Jacob (12M).
Me and Kathy had our son Odin and around 2 years ago we split up because Kathy came out as gay. I ended up with majority custody. Kathy met Mary, and Mary came with her son Jacob.
Jacob is a great kid with no male influences in his life. When we met he found out that Jacob and I shared a lot of hobbies and interests and he gravitated to me quickly. We kind of have an Uncle/Nephew relationship. It’s a strange family dynamic, but the kid is truly wonderful and loving.
To get a break from his mom and the overwhelming estrogen, Jacob sometimes spends the weekend with me and my son Odin. Over time, Jacob has come to me saying that they are using some truly questionable parenting tactics. They have taken away his privacy, socialization, game systems, bike, etc. They seriously only allow him to draw and watch TV.
Whenever Jacob has to go back to his mom’s, he cries and wants to stay with me.
I attempted to carefully broach the subject with Kathy and Mary asking what was going on. They tell me things like he’s misbehaving. His crimes are: “Being too clingy”, “Wanting to roughhouse”, Calling from his friend’s house when he was supposed to be at a different friend’s house, and not doing chores (his chore list is insane.
Literally ALL housework because moms work for a living), and engaging in curious conversations with his peers.
I told Mary that many of these things are perfectly normal 12-year-old boy behavior, and taking away his hobbies is going to lead to more outbursts. He is demonstrating responsibility by letting you know he changed plans and called you to let you know.
Other things, like engaging in curious conversations should be a conversation and not something to be punished for. Very quickly, Mary said to me “You are NOT his parent, it’s NOT your business”. I said fair enough and kept my mouth shut.
This weekend, it was Kathy’s turn to have Odin and I went to have a boy’s weekend with Jacob.
Jacob wanted to hug his mom and kiss goodbye, and they told him to “Go Away” while showering my son with undivided attention.
I am worried because Jacob is going to see his moms shower my son in love and affection (among other things) and that could lead to feelings of resentment and potentially result in a dangerous situation for my own son.
I brought this up calmly today, and Mary and Kathy both told me to stay in my lane and if I want time with Jacob then I should mind my business. I told her Jacob isn’t even my child and that Odin’s safety is my priority whether it is in my house or theirs.
Maybe I watch too many movies, but I’m worried that this could escalate and Jacob could take it out of my Odin.
Am I overstepping? Or should I continue to press the issue out of what I feel is best for my son?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – but a few things. There is nothing wrong with a same-gender couple raising a child. Your ex and her wife don’t seem to take an interest in Jacob’s interests and that is the main problem. He shouldn’t be punished for being too clingy.
“Roughhousing” while normal, is one of those subjective words so I’ll leave that out for now. Unless you have reason to believe that Jacob is a psychopath, I’d be more worried about him hurting himself, becoming active, and/or getting into trouble as he turns 13 over hurting Odin.” This1-chick
Another User Comments:
“I wouldn’t worry about Jacob hurting your son. He loves you as almost a father, knows you love Odin, and probably wouldn’t do anything that would hurt you. You’re a wonderful man for taking Jacob under your wing and I realize it hurts to see how mistreated he is by his mothers, but until they physically harm him there isn’t much you can do.
Just keep being there for him and letting him know someone cares for him.” Clean-Fisherman-4601
Another User Comments:
“It almost sounds like Jacob is being punished for being a boy, and your ex and Kathy have two different parenting styles for Jacob and Odin. Jacob likes being with you because he gets to be himself.
Mary sounds like she doesn’t understand boys or activities boys like to do or disproves these activities. It comes across as an almost ultra-feminist way of bringing up a boy. God knows what they are going to do when he starts exploring himself. All boys should be doing activities that burn energy.
A little roughhousing is okay as long as no one gets hurt. The question is, is what Jacob is experiencing mistreatment?” Dalton402
9. AITJ For Not Going Back To Unlock The Door For My Roommates?
“So to start things off I(22F) have two roommates( both females not sure of ages) and they share a room because they are a couple then there’s me.
It’s a 2 bed 2 bath we stay in. A few months ago they lost their house key as they shared one key between them when one went out and vice versa. It has gotten to the point where I get texts/ calls to unlock the door.
I was in the shower and all I heard was banging on the door until I got out to go unlock the door. I was napping and was woken up because I needed to unlock the door. Etc etc. I don’t know about most people but how I was brought up, you always lock the door.
I was out of town for one week and they informed me they kept the door unlocked because they didn’t want to get a replacement key for whatever reason. I understand the situation but I don’t want to risk anyone coming into our apartment taking or messing up their stuff and most importantly my stuff.
They told me once we got our refund from school back they were going to buy a replacement key. I thought this was the end of it. It’s been almost 3 weeks since we’ve gotten our refunds back and they still have yet to get a key or 2 for both of them.
Today, I was on lunch from work and I had to run home due to some complications. I did what I needed to do and left to go back to work. My roommate’s car was outside so I assumed they were home.
While I was driving I noticed I was getting texts from one of my roommates explaining she was at our leasing office and she couldn’t get back into the apartment due to it being locked. This is where I may be the jerk.
I didn’t text back or open the text at all continued eating my lunch and went back to work. I honestly didn’t know they weren’t in the apartment. I told myself one of these days this situation was gonna happen and today was the day.
I feel like it’s immature of me to not respond and have them wait til I get off to open the door but at the same time, it’s been almost two months of them not having a key. They haven’t even asked me to make them a copy of my key.
And I was close to going out of my way to buy a copy of the key for both of them so we wouldn’t have this problem. It’s not like I’m trying to teach them a lesson cause today was an honest mistake but I don’t feel I should go out of my way to drive back home and open the door, cutting time from my work.
I’m hoping this situation is gonna convince them to finally buy a replacement key. As of right now, I don’t know if they contacted the leasing office and got into the apartment. Am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. First, they lost the key.
Second, they didn’t get a new one made. Third, they felt okay with you getting out of the shower, being woken up, etc. They needed to learn that there are consequences to behaviors, and IMHO, you did exactly the right thing. So have they gotten a key made?” ClothesQueasy2828
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Are they so cheap that they can’t go to a Lowe’s or Home Depot to get a key cut fo a couple of bucks if it’s just a simple metal key? They just need to go to a Lowe’s/Home Depot employee and say they need to get a key copied. You don’t have to ask the leasing office to make copies of the keys. Honestly, your roommates need to grow up. I suggest you move out/ not renew a lease with them because they are never going to change and you will never have peace.
8. AITJ For Getting My Adopted Son's Cousin Suspended For Bullying Him About His Hoarding Problem?
“My wife (31F) and I (31M) just became parents to Sterling (11M) about 2 months ago.
Sterling is the son of our high school friends Sean (31M) and Morgan (31 F), we were very close to Sterling and were named his godparents when he was born.
A few years ago, we had a mutual old friend pass away from cancer and that’s when Sean and Morgan made a will, listing us as who they wanted to take care of Sterling if they passed away.
About 2 months ago, Sean and Morgan were in a fatal car crash.
Sterling was not in the car when they were hit. It’s been chaotic ever since, we are working with a lawyer to make sure we can adopt Sterling, and everyone in the family has been cooperative. We were given the house in the will, my wife and I are financially stable anyway, but both my parents and her parents have offered to help pay any costs associated with the house.
We have been slowly cleaning out the house with Sterling’s other family in the past few weeks, Sterling asked us not to touch his room until he was ready.
Emotionally, he’s been doing fine according to his teachers, grief counseling, and therapist. Sterling has an amazing group of friends from basketball and these boys have helped him through everything.
He’s also had his coach help him grieve. Sterling never stopped doing his sports and other activities and says just crying it out “with the boys” helps him, and he seems genuinely happy. He started calling us mom and dad within the first 2 weeks.
However, he’s also an extremely busy kid and hasn’t had time to clean out his room. He was free on Saturday and told us he’d come to clean his room. When he opened the door for us, we were shocked, he had mountains of basketball memorabilia, and you could barely see the floor.
Sean and Morgan always told us not to go in Sterling’s room because it was “messy”, then he told us there were more memorabilia in the basement and the attic. My parents have also taken him shopping multiple times in thrift stores and antique stores for basketball memorabilia, my parents love him because he’s their first grandchild.
We’ve since figured out Sterling has a hoarding problem, and he has told us he and his parents used to argue about how much he “collected” (his words), no one on either side of his family knew about the extent of this problem. Morgan’s sister has a son Sterling’s age, Nate (11M).
Sterling and Nate have never got along, Nate is a quiet kid in school, kinda geeky. He’s had past issues with bullying kids and racism.
On Monday, Nate started telling everyone in their grade about Sterling’s hoarding and mocking him. Sterling and his friends told us about this that night, and we called the school on Tuesday to let them know since no one reported it.
Nate got suspended for 2 weeks. My parents found out about this and said we were jerks for getting him in trouble as “he’s dealing with losing his aunt and uncle”. They said we shouldn’t have acted on Sterling’s behalf. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Bullying is bullying and should never be tolerated. It’s not like you called the school and asked that Nate be suspended. You were reporting something that needed to be addressed. Sounds like this should be an off-limits topic of conversation with your parents if they can’t understand why you did what you did.” Stranger0nReddit
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – But the school’s response does seem extreme, in my opinion, seems like a good opportunity for an olive branch, talk to Nate’s parents and get him to apologize, then get the school to reduce the punishment. Probably be worse for Nate to lose his 2-week vacation from school but it would help repair your new relationship with his parents who I’d imagine are not doing okay having just lost a sister.
You should have had an actual conversation with Sterling about what he wanted to do before involving the school admin, 99% of the time they just make things worse.” Common_Joke85
7. AITJ For Not Attending My Brother-In-Law's Weekday Wedding Due To PTO Limitations?
“My wife (30f) and I (32m) have known each other for 4.5 years, married for 1.5 years. When we got married we decided to elope to our happiness. I work from home (WFH) while my wife works part-time/is going to school for an advanced degree. We live in the Midwest close to most of her family, 1hr away, and about 6hrs from mine who live in the Northeast.
My wife’s brother who lives out West is going to school/working part-time recently got engaged to his fiancé who is from where they live, also going to school/working part-time. They have begun the process of wedding planning and set a date. They are planning to get married near where they live, which we anticipated since her family is mostly paying for the weddinghase more invitees.
However, we didn’t anticipate the time of year or day of the week. The set date is the week after Thanksgiving on a Thursday. The issue isn’t finances (though we are on a strict budget saving for a house) or closeness or anything other than my PTO for the year has been allocated and where we will be traveling from is quite remote.
I have 10 days of PTO/year with 8 booked. I have a long-standing tradition with my family to go home for Thanksgiving/the following 2 weeks for regional festivities with plans to work from there since I only have 2 PTO days.
My wife has not previously been able to join, but this year she got PTO and school arrangements for her school to join for the first time.
We are planning to move in 2025 so this may be the last time doing this because of geographical restrictions/wanting kids. Travel from where my family lives flights one way are 15-20hrs with 3 layovers. We would be expected to be there Wednesday-Friday which means using 4 days of PTO that I do not have.
Had the wedding been on a traditional Saturday or even Friday, attendance would not have been an issue, but because of what I consider to be poor planning for essentially a destination wedding to those not local expecting everyone to make it is logically impossible and not reasonable in my opinion.
I’ve tried to come up with other solutions. I can’t WFH because of time zone issues/wedding commitments. Cutting the time short by visiting my family isn’t an option, it’s essentially all or nothing and doesn’t solve the PTO issue.
I don’t think it’s reasonable of me to ask them to consider a different date, though no one knows why the selected one was chosen (could have meaning to them) but it seems to be a cost-saving tactic. My by brother-in-typically chooses to do things the most difficult way for those around him, but this has us caught off guard.
I’ve told my wife my plans not to attend which she supports as she has her doubts about attending. While I have a significant amount of good favor/IOUs built up with my wife’s family they tend to be more emotional than rational and I’m worried they won’t understand that I can’t attend due to PTO limitations.
AITJ for not attending?”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here – Weekday weddings, like destination weddings, are even more optional than weddings already are (it’s an invite, not a summons). They might be hurt that you and possibly your wife are not able to attend and that is ok, but they don’t get to give you a hard time or make you feel guilty.
They haven’t done that yet (though it seems like you haven’t told them yet) so currently the situation is No jerks here. Generally speaking – Engaged couples need to understand that if certain invitees’ attendance at their wedding is going to make or break their experience (e.g. “My wedding will be ruined if my sister doesn’t attend”), then they need to coordinate with those people when choosing a date/geographic area for the wedding.
It is not reasonable to pick a date/location and then tell invitees that they will ruin the wedding or irrevocably damage their relationship with the engaged couple if they cannot make that date/location work. It is completely fine for an engaged couple to choose a date/location based only on their needs/preferences, but that means they are accepting that important people in their lives may not be able OR willing to attend.” Forward_Squirrel8879
Another User Comments:
“NTJ this is your BILs wedding. There’s no reason to turn your life upside down trying to accommodate it. Sounds like you fully support your wife going if she wants to and she fully supports you not attending, that’s all that matters.
I would decline and not give it another thought.” Mommabroyles
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – Don’t pivot your explanation on PTO limitations only because one could argue take time off without pay. You two allocated all time off for 2024 and the wedding falls on when you are out of the country (?) with your family in a remote area to partake in annual festivities.
The full explanation demonstrates the conflicts of dates are more complicated than PTO. Best to you!” DesertSong-LaLa
6. AITJ For Demanding Reparation After An Uninvited Guest Broke My Vintage Chair?
“I’m a collector and I especially love acquiring vintage furniture.
My home is like a little museum and I keep everything in immaculate condition. Recently, I inherited a bunch of old furniture from my grandfather, including a beautiful 1950s Eames chair that I’ve had my eye on for years. This particular chair is worth a lot of money, but it’s also very sentimental for me.
It wasn’t in the best condition, so I took it to a guy who restores furniture. When he was done, it looked brand new. I asked him if he knew what the approximate weight limit was, and he figured about 250 lbs.
Now, onto the problem.
A couple of days ago, I decided to have a small dinner party with 10 of my close friends. Unfortunately, one of them brought a mutual friend that I’m not the biggest fan of. We shall call him “David.” The friend who brought him, “Arnold,” did not tell me ahead of time, he just showed up.
I was annoyed but didn’t want to make a big deal, so I allowed David to stay. I should mention that David is VERY large. Not just tall, but extremely heavy. I would guess well over 300 lbs. He’s also clumsy and stumbles around a lot, which is why I’ve never invited him over before.
I don’t want him to break anything. Well, not 5 minutes after he arrived, he sat down in my grandfather’s chair and broke it. ABrokeis an understatement. He essentially crushed it, to the point that the wooden frame snapped in half. I didn’t see him sit down, so I don’t know if he sat down too aggressively, or he was simply too heavy, but the chair was pretty much ruined.
Now, I usually avoid confrontation, but this sent me into a rage. I started screaming at David, saying that he wasn’t even invited and if he wasn’t so huge and clumsy, he wouldn’t have destroyed my grandfather’s chair. I told him to get out immediately.
I understand that my words were pretty harsh, but I’ve seen him break stuff in other people’s homes before and I just snapped. He yelled back at me that I shouldn’t own furniture that can’t support normal-sizedd people.” We continued shouting at each other until Arnold stepped in and eventually left with David.
After they were gone, my friends let me have it. They said I was way out of line for essentially calling David fat and shaming him for his size. I responded that David has broken things before due to his carelessness, and was unapologetic each time.
Also, he wasn’t invited. They said it didn’t matter. It was an accident and I needed to apologize to him for being so rude and insensitive. I said that I would apologize when he paid me the $7,000 that the chair was worth. They called me ridiculous and said, if my house was so precious, then I shouldn’t have people over.
My friends are now refusing to talk to me and from what I’ve heard, David is unapologetic and refusing to pay a dime. Should I just apologize and move on?”
Another User Comments:
“I am going to go against the grain and say NTJ. You have every right to be upset.
David can’t be ignorant of his weight, especially if he has broken things at other homes, as you stated. He is just trying to pretend he is like everyone else to soothe his self-consciousness. He broke something precious to you and very irreplaceable. If you want the money for it, you need to take him to court.
Otherwise, he will never pay you for the item. I am always of the opinion that when you negligently break something in someone’s home, you need to take responsibility for it.” EsharaLight
Another User Comments:
“Everyone’s a jerk. Starting with Arnold for bringing an uninvited guest, David for being careless with another person’s belongings regardless of the value or sentiment, and lastly, you for your reaction.
David didn’t know the value or the significance of the piece. I’m judging this as someone crushed just imagining an Eames chair destroyed by that oaf but it doesn’t change anything. If I had one (a dream!) it wouldn’t be out as general seating where it could be destroyed by people who wouldn’t appreciate it.
If that happened during a party I’d recognize I took on the risk of leaving it out as a seat and choke back tears as I sent a request for money to repair it to David. Maybe he would chip in out of embarrassment or kindness if he hadn’t been confronted like that.
Edit: also, you didn’t tell a *friend* that he was too big. That would have been potentially embarrassing but would have solved it if youhad doned it in advance. You yelled at someone you don’t like afterward for being too fat. That’s kinda different.” Major_Barnacle_2212
Another User Comments:
“Everyone’s a jerk. The whole situation was a complete mess, but I don’t get why if you are so attached to the chair, tyoudidn’t put it in another room for safety during the party. Anything could have happened, from a spilled drink to a clumsy person.
And no matter how angry you are, you should never shame someone for their weight. He sucks for turning up to a party he wasn’t invited to (in fact Arnold sucks more at this stage) and not apologizing when he broke the chair. His comments back to you though – not surprised.” Nessie51
5. AITJ For Wanting My Roommate's Partner To Limit Their Visits And Stop Using My Things?
“I, (23 F) live with a friend (22 F), and more recently her partner has been staying over, for days at a time.
, at first, I had no real issue with it, my previous roommate would have their partner over but usually only for a night or two at a time.
She typically asks in advance or lets me know they plan on having them over, which I appreciate, but the more it happens the more I have grown uncomfortable and irritated with it.
At first, it was little things, such as being loud during the night, which was whatever I was able to ask her politely to have them keep it down. Then I’d notice things of mine being used or outright missing. Which, again at first it was just some of the food I recently purchased for my work lunches going missing and upon bringing it up, she’d say she’d talk to them about it and offer to replace it.
Then my stuff in the restroom would clearly be used or moved around when I’d get off of work or wake up in the morning, which was no issue when her partner wasn’t staying over so much, she would never use my things without at least asking.
So, there’s an odd one out here.
My towels would be used, my hair supplies would also be clearly used and when I’d move them off the sink they would be brought back out.
Again, I’d bring it up politely and ask about it, she says her partner just assumed the items were her and she would again talk to them about it.
But, these things would continue to happen, mostly in the restroom, to the point I’ve started just removing my things from the restroom to avoid it from happening when I know they plan on staying over.
I try to stay open-minded, but it’s clear that even with her communicating with them certain things are not hers, etc. They are just upright and inconsiderate, especially when eating food that I make for lunches, using my towels I use to dry off after a shower, consistently randomly being loud (banging things around, slamming cabinets, yelling) after 10 PM, I’m at the point I want to ask her to cut their stays down to only a night, maybe two.
Because they extend for upwards of a week sometimes, with only a small break in between. Sometimes I outright just want to ask her to stay at her partner’s house because it gets so exhausting, but her partner does not have a job and I believe they still live with their parents, so I don’t think it’s even an option.
So… AITJ if I ask her to cut her visits short or ask her to stay at their place instead?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, I know it’s difficult to confront them but I think you need to send them a text along the lines of, “Hey, can we talk about your partner staying over at the apartment?
I’d like to talk in person about it but I think we need to find a middle ground about how often they are staying over and discuss them using my things.” I don’t know how “understanding” your roommate is, but if you can negotiate to one night of sleeping over, I think she’d have to understand that.
Her partner isn’t paying rent, you are. If she doesn’t agree or continues to be inconsiderate of what you guys discussed, I would tell her that you are going to speak to the landlord. (I’m not sure what options the landlord has, however, maybe that will slap some sense into her).
The last resort option is to start being petty and do things that would make her partner NOT want to come over— but that could get messy.” gleamgoddess
Another User Comments:
“NTJ You set boundaries & they are not being respected. No one should feel like they should have to hide towels, products, or food in their own house.
Who uses someone else’s towel?? Someone who is still mooching off their parents & now their gf & her roommate. You just need to be honest & firm with her & if it continues, it’s time to find a new roommate.” Irak00
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your roommate’s partner needs to learn some manners. He is a guest, but he is acting like he lives with you and your roommate! Write out some rules, sit both of them down, and discuss them like adults. If needed, find compromises to your rules.
And then you all three sign these rules! It’s the Sheldon Cooper way to deal with this, but it’s also binding! And if they don’t follow the rules assigned, you should look into replacing your roommate!” mabji-goose-1610
4. AITJ For Wanting To Skip A Family Birthday Party Due To Grandma's Exclusionary Behavior?
“My mom (51f) was born a day after my great aunt’s (65f) birthday (born February 9th and February 10th) and I (19nb) was born a day after my mom’s birthday (born February 11th).
Ever since I was 12 years old my mom and great aunt had made it a tradition to celebrate all three of our birthdays at the same time.
My mom has a strained relationship with my grandma (72f) and has minimal contact with her while she has a great relationship with my great aunt.
My younger brother and I have a pretty okay relationship with my grandma for the most part but there are moments where she does treat us like the black sheep of all of her grandkids. My relationship with my great aunt on the other hand is just as strong as my mom’s relationship with her to the point I would consider her my third grandma.
The thing is, my grandma is the kind of narcissistic who thinks she’s right and doesn’t take criticism well. She originally cut off my great aunt and my two great uncles because they all dared to help her after the loss of my uncle 12 years ago.
However, she only got back in contact with them a few years ago after finding out my great-aunt’s health had been declining. Ever since then my grandma has been trying her best to help out my great-aunt but everyone sees right through her and knows deep down she’s only doing it to seem like she’s the better person for being there for my great-aunt.
This leads us to this situation.
My great-aunt wanted to go to a BBQ restaurant for all of our birthdays (which will happen on my mom’s birthday) and everyone started planning for that day. Originally the invitation that one of my mom’s cousins sent said “You’re invited to come celebrate my great aunt’s name, my mom’s name, and my dead name’s birthday”.
However, for some reason, my grandma changed the invite to say “You’re invited to co-tome celebrate great aunt’s name birthday” completely removing my and my mom’s names from the invite. According to one of my great uncles, my grandma even planned to bring a cake that would only say happy birthday to my great aunt, and when she was asked what about me and my mom she threw a hissy fit about it.
Ever since hearing about all of this, it has been bothering my mom a bit. So far aside from talking about it with my great uncle who first told her about the cake she had only talked about it with me, my dad, and my grandpa, and she hasn’t talked about it with my great aunt and doesn’t know if she should or not and has even thought about skipping the party since my grandma has very obviously been trying to exclude us but isn’t sure yet.
What do some of you guys think? Should I convince my mom to skip the party and do our own thing? And should I convince my mom to talk about it with my great aunt?”
Another User Comments:
“I would. Then you can celebrate another time with your Great Aunt.
The difficulty, though, is that not going could upset your great aunt who will miss you. I think your best bet is to call your Great Aunt, explain the situation, and tell her that you and your mom will not be there, but would like to celebrate together with her on her actual birthday, the day after the BBQ day, or another day.
Or get together for breakfast that day. I wouldn’t otherwise bring it up with your grandmother because she seems to be itching for the fight. NTJ” corgihuntress
Another User Comments:
“I would not go because going and allowing this just reinforces the behavior of people like your grandma.
Not reacting and distancing yourself from a narcissist is the best way to deal with them and, bonus, it annoys them the most because they don’t get the attention they crave. However, I think your mom WIBTJ if she doesn’t talk to Great Aunt (or her Aunt).
Does Great Aunt even want this to play out like it has? Does she want your grandma there? These are things your mom needs to find out. If Great Aunt is willing to go along with these shenanigans, then I think you and your immediate family should make your plans.
Maybe even start a new tradition of celebrating people individually and not using your dead name ever.” friendlily
Another User Comments:
“YWBTJ, if you let your grandma win. Your great-aunt has been on the receiving end of her behavior before, so talk to her and work out a plan to ensure grandma’s attempts are thwarted. For example, take your cake with all 3 names and instruct the restaurant to ONLY bring that one out.
Get your aunt to resend the invites, clearly outlining that grandma “forgot” to address them correctly, and add your names. Make sure aunt, you, and mum are sat at one end of the table while she is at the other end.” [deleted]
3. AITJ For Not Refunding My Ex-Friend's Concert Ticket After He Dropped My Partner From The Group?
“So this is long and convoluted but here we go. My partner and I were in a friend group together with two other people. Things were fine until the beginning of the semester when my two “friends” decided that they were going to completely drop my partner with no explanation.
Neither myself, nor my partner knew why they did this and were under the impression that everything was fine. For the record my partner is known all around campus for being, kind, thoughtful, and empathetic, so I can’t possibly imagine the reasons for them being dropped.
Now the real problem arises after this happens. Before my “friends” dropped my partner, I had bought the four of us concert tickets, everyone wanted to go and asked me to buy them, I just bought them all at once for convenience and then everyone paid me back.
The plan was to go as a friend group. After my partner was dropped, one of the “friends” began messaging me asking me to try and resell the ticket so he could get his money back. I had no problem with this and tried multiple times to resell the ticket or get someone I knew to buy it.
I had no luck and wasn’t able to get anyone to buy it. I explained to him that I couldn’t get him a refund And I was sorry but there was nothing else I could do.
He starts to get increasingly aggressive and tells me that I need to pay him with my own money because it is not his fault that I can’t sell it back or return it.
He tells me that I “uninvited” him from the concert so it’s my responsibility to give him the money back. I told him that I had nothing to do with his decision to drop my partner and that he basically uninvited himself and therefore none of this is my responsibility.
I didn’t say he couldn’t come, he made it clear that he didn’t want to come by removing himself from the friend group. He asked me to initially buy the ticket for convenience, and if he had bought the ticket himself, he wouldn’t have been able to sell it either.
He then accuses me of keeping his money from him when he has nothing to buy food with, saying that I’m putting him in a horrible financial situation. (He got paid the day after he accused me of this and also has a meal plan at our school.) The concert ticket was $30 and because I knew he wouldn’t let up I just sent him the money out of my own pocket so he would stop accusing me of things.
I am more financially well off and can afford to lose $30, so I gave in. Since then I have not spoken to him because he accused me of intentionally putting him into financial hardship, holding me responsible for his actions, and manipulating me into paying him.
On top of that, he was quite rude to my partner by dropping them with no explanation. Am I the jerk?
For clarification, the ticket was bought digitally and I had no way to just send it to him to deal with on his own or else I would have.”
Another User Comments:
“If you uninvited him because he stopped being friends with your partner then you should’ve paid him back. You shouldn’t get to keep his ticket and his money because he doesn’t wanna be friends with your partner anymore. That part of the story isn’t explained really well.
It says he thought he was uninvited and you said that he uninvited himself by not being friends with your partner but then you also say you never uninvited him so which is it? If he was gonna still go and paid for his ticket and then you turned around and wouldn’t let him go and were going to keep his money and his ticket, YTJ.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“YTJ for trying to sell the ticket for him. “the ticket was bought digitally and I had no way to just send it to him to deal with on his own or else I would have.” When he asked you should have said he was free to find someone to buy it and give you their information. There was no reason to try and sell it for him. Tell him you’ll reimburse him after he pays you for the work you’ve done on his behalf.” ApprehensiveBook4214
2. AITJ For Forgetting My Friend's Wedding Due To My Memory Condition?
“Sarah (25W) and I (25W) have been friends since birth. We went to school together, and she even lived with my family for a year. We were very different people, but I loved that about our friendship. She was always a little manipulative though. She would sometimes try to catch me in a “lie” or guilt trip me if I didn’t give her the ‘right’ reaction to something.
I never purposely lied to her about anything, so I didn’t understand why she did this.
Sarah got married about 4 years ago. I was a bridesmaid. Our families were there, Sarah looked like a goddess, and we all got a bit rowdy and had a wonderful time.
At least, that’s how I tell the story. The thing is though, I don’t remember Sarah’s wedding day at all.
I have a condition called Severely Deficient Autobiographical Memory (SDAM). This means I’m unable to mentally re-live past personal experiences from a first-person perspective. Any ‘memories’ I have are just re-imaginings based on facts I know about them.
I haven’t told many people about it, because I understand how ridiculous it sounds, and it’s not a well-known condition.
I can’t contribute to conversations about shared memories. It often confuses, surprises, or upsets people when I’m honest about not remembering something we did together, or getting important details wrong.
So most of the time, I’ve learned to just go along with it and let them lead the convo. This tactic finally bit me in the backside.
Sarah and I were having lunch with some other childhood friends, and the conversation turned to fond memories, including Sarah’s wedding.
At one point, Sarah said to me, “Oh my god, remember how my nephew accidentally lost our rings at the ceremony?!”
I had no recollection of this whatsoever. I didn’t want to draw attention to myself by saying no, so I laughed sheepishly and said “Oh, yeah, that was funny.”
Everyone suddenly went quiet and stared at me. Sarah paused, then said, “There were no kids at my wedding, M (me). Why the heck would you try and lie about that?” I was stunned, but I tried to laugh it off and say “Oh, silly me!
I thought there were, I guess after 4 years some things have kind of faded.”
But Sarah wasn’t having it. She started accusing me of ‘always lying about things’, saying ‘if I cared about her, I would remember her darn wedding’. Some of our friends agreed. I tried to explain that I wasn’t being malicious and that I just had a really bad memory, and didn’t want to hurt her feelings.
She said she was sick of my excuses and didn’t want to waste time being friends with someone who didn’t care about her.
I felt ganged up on and was tearing up, so I excused myself. Sarah messaged me later saying I embarrassed us both.
I apologized but said I was also really hurt. She left me on read.
I feel like she overreacted, but I also feel bad for not being fully honest about my memory issues.
So, AITJ for forgetting my friend’s wedding?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Honestly, I don’t have your condition and I can barely remember details.
You especially can’t be the jerk since you have a condition. Frankly, I, think your friend is the jerk to purposely try to trick you and then call you out and overreact. But why hide the condition? It’s easy to go google-able” karstcity
Another User Comments:
“I get what most people are saying, but I think your memory problem has caused Sara to wonder, obviously you have slipped up a few too many times with her and you have not realized it which has caused her suspicion. I don’t understand why you would not tell a select few of your friends so that they have your back in social situations and can help steer you in the right direction.
Who knows how many times you have slipped up so people just think you are a lying sociopath” withloveandgratitude
Another User Comments:
“I am afraid I have to go against the stream here. Yes, she acted like a jerk, but according to you, she doesn’t know you suffer from SDAM as you didn’t disclose it to you.
So, she is noticing that things are off with the stories and thinks it is because you don’t care. That is not strange in itself. So, she tries to find out if it is true, and of course, you mess up the story (not your fault).
This is probably not the first time she found that you didn’t remember something important to her and she starts to feel it is personal. This could have been avoided if you (and her as well) communicated better. If she was your close friend from birth, she should have been told that you suffer from SDAM.
So, everyone’s a jerk here. I must say that I have some doubts about this story, it is almost impossible that your SDAM would not have come to light earlier if you were that close for 25 years.” Toxaris-nl
1. AITJ For Calling Out My Parents' Judgment Towards My Fiancé's Older Parents?
“I’m (27f) the oldest of three.
My parents had us all by the time they were my age. For whatever reason they feel like this makes them “better” than my fiancé’s parents who had my fiancé, their only child, in their 40s. He’s also an only and my parents have made comments since meeting my future IL about infertility and the fact they “clearly kept trying” when MIL was too old to be having babies.
I told them they shouldn’t make assumptions and should cut the judgment They waved me off and said nothing more than at the first time. But then the comments continued when they would hear I was with my future ILs or if they saw my future ILs and my future ILs spoke to them.
I told them they were being judgmental.
Their comments were stuff like; my future ILs were selfish, my fiancé must be so glad I have young parents when he’s stuck with old folks, they have implied my fiancé must have been raised badly and spoiled to the worst degree because of his parent’s age.
They even commented on the fact they’ll get to see their grandkids grow up while my fiancé’s parents will be bones before my kids would remember them.
My sister had a small family birthday dinner the other night and I went but my fiancé couldn’t because he was working.
My parents started on my future ILs again and they were gloating about how jealous my future ILs must be of them, to have been parents at the right age and they did such a great job and weren’t selfish about it like my future ILs were.
They were loud enough that other people could hear and it bothered me so much. So I called them out for their nasty comments and being needlessly arrogant about it when they have nothing to be so arrogant about. I told them they could have learned some things from my fiancé’s parents, like better patience with their kids and enjoying even the small stuff they had with us.
I told them my fiancé’s parents remember so much about my fiancé’s childhood and have so much fondness for some of the smallest stuff and they hardly soaked up anything we did as kids. Even nice stuff we did for them they forgot if it wasn’t huge.
My parents started to cut me off and tried talking over me to make me feel bad. But I told them I wasn’t going to feel bad for it and they weren’t looking like such amazing people or parents at that moment. I apologized to my sister for her birthday dinner, and I left.
My parents were furious and told me I basically disrespected them in favor of people who didn’t raise me. I told them they were disrespecting lovely, kind, amazing people because they feel so superior for having kids in their 20s and I told them it was the worst reason.
They said I owe them an apology and should realize how my words came across.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Your parents sound insecure and defensive. They are jealous of what your partner’s older and more established parents were able to offer him. There is no reason for them to disrespect your future in-laws, how does this even get brought up, repeatedly, and even at a birthday party?
Your parents aren’t “better”, they don’t even know how to behave in public. At least your partner wasn’t there to hear them, this time. NTJ” YouthNAsia63
Another User Comments:
“NTJ however I would’ve handled it differently. Hear me out. For whatever reason, your parents feel insecure about your ILs.
You worsened that by telling them ways in which your ILs are better than them. In other words, instead of reinforcing that they shouldn’t compare themselves to your ILs, you compared them to your ILs – and told them they don’t measure up!
Now they’ll feel even MORE threatened. You would have been better off telling them to STOP comparing themselves your your ILs, that comparison is the thief of joy. You should have told them you love them and that, just because you love your ILs, it doesn’t mean you love your parents any less.
Then you should have set a boundary: from now on, any time they bad-mouth your ILs, you’ll hang up the phone/walk out, whichever applies. And follow through when it happens.” Ok_Perception1131
Another User Comments:
“Everyone’s a jerk here – your parents are being judgmental and seem to be oddly obsessed with your in-laws.
You needed to call them out on this, maybe even publicly. But you didn’t call them out on that, you insulted them instead. I understand why you lashed out but I think you do owe them an apology, and they owe you one and they need to stop being so judgmental” jrm1102
