People Leave A Mark In These "Am I The Jerk?" Stories
21. AITJ For Calling Animal Control On My Neighbors' Nonstop Barking Dogs?
“I live in a county where animal control thankfully isn’t useless.
Around this time last year, my neighbors got a new dog. No big deal. I like animals in general. But the problem is, the dogs are constantly barking. Like barking nonstop for 6 hours, not in few-minute increments. I’ve talked to multiple neighbors and everyone I’ve talked to is annoyed. A lot of them WFH so the dogs barking constantly like that doesn’t help.
We’ve tried to talk to those neighbors multiple times but it hasn’t been fixed. Eventually, we started keeping track of when we talked to the neighbors and how long/when the dogs barked. The problem is they also barked very late at night and early in the morning too.
Animal control has been called a few times. At first, I’m assuming they had to go through a process and try to talk to the owners first. Then it got to the point that animal control threatened to take the dogs away. Then eventually animal control took the dogs away last week, plus a lot of animals they’ve been hoarding.
Now those neighbors are harassing everyone who was involved in it and calling everyone else jerks. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ!!!!!! This is a HUGE quality of life issue, for the whole neighborhood, and for those dogs. While all dogs bark some of the time, no dog should bark all of the time (or for six hours straight).
It’s a sign of stress or anxiety or frustration. You did right for yourself, your neighbors, and the dogs. The former owners can go pound sand, too.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. My animal control IS useless and it takes so many jumped through hoops to get help.
But I would do the same. My neighbor’s dog barks, incessantly, up against the fence our yards share. He wakes my six-year-old up, he wakes me up over my giant fan and noise machine. Dogs only get to the point of barking like that IF they’re left alone to their own devices to just bark like that.
Chances are it’s worse than you know if animal control is making threats. I hope you get some peace and quiet!” Wild-Psychology7603
Another User Comments:
“I have four dogs, who consider protecting my home to be their calling in life. To the extent that should a bird even contemplate flying over my home, they will quite vocally express their disapproval. I have a doggie door, so they move freely inside and outside.
Yesterday, a neighbor was working on a project in their backyard. A very noisy project. And all four objected, strenuously. You know what I did? Lock the dog door. My neighbors don’t need to be bothered with 12+ hours of barking. NTJ.” SparklesIB
20. AITJ For Being Upset That My Husband Said He Loves His Mom More Than Me?
“My husband (32M) and I (32F) have been married for almost a year, together for 2, and have known each other for around 10. While we were teasing each other the subject of “how much do you love me” came up.
I know it sounds childish and I kind of feel embarrassed asking about this but his response really crushed me. He said he loves his mom the most and I am in his top 5. Then, he corrected himself and said I’m his second.
While I understand that I cannot compete with his mom I feel super hurt about his comment and was visibly upset.
I don’t know, I just don’t feel like a priority and am starting to question our relationship. He feels confused about the whole situation and I am wondering whether I am overreacting. I cannot help how I feel but should I have kept my frustration to myself?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Girl run! First off the only person that should ever come before you or your husband should love more than you is their child. And that’s a whole different love. 2 – there will be a time no matter how “wonderful” your mother-in-law is you will have a problem with her.
No one gets along all the time. When this happens your husband will side with his mommy. It will be your fault and this will cause you major problems. He has no problem telling you now his mommy is number 1 in his life. He will have no problem throwing you under the bus for his mommy.
3 – I honestly don’t mean this to be cruel, however, you are the third wheel in your marriage. You are a guest. That is all you will ever be. So if I were you I would tell dearest hubby that since he loves his mommy more than you to pack his stuff up and move in with her.
And also tell him that NO woman will play second fiddle to their mother-in-law! Then find you a husband who will put you and your future family above anyone else. And by the way, I say this with 30-plus years of experience with my husband.
I may not always agree with what he says and does and vice versa but we always have each other’s back. And I know without a shadow of a doubt our children and I come before anyone else in his life. And I feel the same about him and our children.
I wish you the best of luck and I truly hope you find someone to cherish and love you like you deserve.” Lonely_Shelter_4744
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and that’s messed up and gross, mom’s supposed to be no.2 when you have a wife, and further down the line when you have kids the spouse should always be numero uno. I would be personally rethinking my relationship because that would make me feel very unstable in my position as a spouse.
Also who compares their romantic partners with their mothers? Only loners and mommas boys and people with really bad enmeshment issues. That is really weird.” DesconocidaKush
Another User Comments:
“Completely NTJ. Your husband sounds like a momma’s boy. I get loving your parents and family but it’s a different kind of love, you and your kids(if you have them) should be his first priority as he chose you as his partner, doesn’t matter that you are not his blood family, you are his chosen family.
Also the top 5 comment is ridiculous, I’m sorry to say it but it doesn’t sound like you rank that high in his life. I personally wouldn’t want to be someone’s afterthought, you deserve to be with someone you are no. 1 to.” Puzzleheaded-Ant-150
19. AITJ For Being Upset My PTO Request Was Ignored For A New Hire?
“I work for a place and I show up every day and am never absent even when I am sick. I have been here for almost 7 years. I am a hard worker with no write-ups.
I requested two days of PTO back in February for something.
So this week I checked the schedule, not only do I have only one of those days off but it is not PTO. One is for one of the days and my other day off is two days later.
We recently hired a new girl and she asked for those days off and they gave them to her. My boss told me the other girl is moving that weekend.
I know for a fact she is not moving because she told me herself. She is in charge of a festival and will be there on the days I requested off.
My boss said if I could find a workable schedule then I could do that. Then not only gives me a second shift that goes until 11 pm but then I have to be back for the 7 am the next day!
AITJ for being mad about it?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. TELL your boss that you put in for those days off well in advance and he needs to redo the schedule he made because you won’t be there. It isn’t your responsibility to find coverage, it’s his because HE made this mistake.
You can further tell him that Coworker isn’t moving but is attending a festival and you won’t miss out on your plans because he chose someone with less seniority. Be polite but firm. This is his problem and he needs to fix it.” teresajs
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. First, go to HR and report this. Second, tell your manager that he better redo that schedule because you are not going to be there and that’s how it is. Third, start looking for a new job, if they’re going to take you for granted then they can miss you.
But before you do, either take all your PTO or ensure that you’re going to get paid out for that time. You worked for that PTO and you should take it.” JCBashBash
Another User Comments:
“Sounds like OP needs to call off “sick” on the days they requested. But, for future reference, the company rarely appreciates the folks who come in even when sick.
Just start going ahead and taking your sick time, because now you know how they will treat you anyway. NTJ.” bb3244
18. AITJ For Giving My Friend's Partner Sourdough Starter?
“I (16M) recently met my friend’s (17M) significant other (16F). We got into cooking, which I love, especially baking bread (screw any other forms of baking though), and she mentioned how she liked it too and wanted to try making sourdough but had no idea how to develop a strong starter.
There’s a sourdough starter in my family that my aunt gave me some of which is dozens of years old so I offered to give her some. She said sure, so I arranged to deliver it with a couple of kilos of its favorite flour and instructions on how to maintain it and actually bake the bread.
Afterward, though, my friend texted me that he doesn’t want me “hanging out” with her, and would rather I didn’t. I texted back that it’s just delivering sourdough ingredients. He said he just doesn’t want other blokes hanging out with her and I called him possessive and a jerk and blocked him.
I did deliver the starter. I’m reasonably confident I’m not the jerk, he was acting like a right jerk in my opinion, but want to check.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Ah, yes. The old seduce-them-via-baked-goods trope. Your friend is obviously correct – the only possible reason anyone shares ingredients and/or recipes is to get frisky.
Some of us are known far and wide for our “free-loaf” baking proclivities and have left a swath of broken hearts in our floury wake. Carry on, you sourdough Casanova, you. NTJ.” SnarkyBeanBroth
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You share an interest with the girl and he feels insecure.
Understandable but he could have put it better than “I don’t want you to hang out with her”. Also a major red flag for the significant other in my humble opinion.” TwoSwordsUser
Another User Comments:
“NTJ: some men can’t deal with their woman saying nice things about other men.
You probably made her very happy and that is what he didn’t like.” thoughtsfromafar
17. AITJ For Asking My Brother Not To Wear His Profanity-Laden T-Shirt To My Birthday Dinner?
“Mum has suggested that we go out for dinner for my birthday tonight or tomorrow night. I’m all for this idea.
However, my brother’s favorite t-shirt is something he’d wear to it just to be awkward.
He wears it with no coat or hoodie in winter just to enjoy the scandalized looks from anyone who sees the back and disapproves.
It’s band merch, from a pirate metal band I like too. The t-shirt references one of their songs, quoting the title/first line of the lyrics where the first word is literally a swear word (and the fifth is another swear word).
I don’t care what he wears, as long as it’s clean, covers all the appropriate parts, and isn’t that one specific T-shirt.
WIBTJ if I insisted he wear literally anything else?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It’s fine for there to be dress codes for events and “no profanity on your clothes” is an extremely low bar for a dress code.
As long as you make the request respectfully (so not, “I hate that stupid shirt, don’t you dare wear it”), you are not a jerk and he would definitely be a jerk if he wore it anyway. But teenagers, and grown men who think they are still teenagers, often choose the jerk-ish path just to prove you can’t tell them what to do.
So if you want some advice, I would encourage you to not make a prohibition on the specific shirt, but instead try something like, “I’m excited about the dinner and I think it would be nice if we dressed up a little bit… Do you still have (shirt you know he owns) or something like it?” or “I’d really like to get a nice picture during dinner.
I’m planning on wearing (color), can you wear something that is (list 2 or 3 colors that are different than the offending shirt) so it will look nice in the picture?” But that’s just a suggestion. Asking in a straightforward way is not jerk-ish at all.” DinaFelice
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Unless your birthday dinner is planned for a dive bar, that is simply not appropriate attire for a restaurant. Period, full stop. Most places nice enough for a birthday dinner would have a dress standard that would not include t-shirts, let alone ones with four-letter words on them.
It’s kind of sad at his age that he does 13-year-old boy stuff so he can enjoy scandalized looks and cast a shadow over his sister’s birthday dinner. Is he otherwise responsible, kind, and socially appropriate?” Unit-Healthy
Another User Comments:
“I think it depends on how you ask whether or not you’d be the jerk.
I think if you simply tell him as the title implies, you would be the jerk. I think if you tell him that for your birthday, you’d like to see him wear something besides that tee shirt, you would not be the jerk. Ultimately, it’s his body and his choice.
Best way to get him not to wear it is to have the dinner at a place with a strict dress code though. Formal attire.” jammy913
16. AITJ For Not Giving My Selfish Brother Christmas Presents Anymore?
“My brother has never gotten me a birthday present. He doesn’t like to give presents but likes to receive them. He has the money but he would just rather spend it on himself.
I have bought him birthday presents and Christmas presents every year. He’s older than me too.
These past few birthdays of mine where he didn’t get me a present I expected it, but not only does he not get me a present – he acts mean towards me on my birthdays.
However, I still get him a birthday present regardless.
I know Christmas isn’t about presents but the fact that my brother has had money and was supposed to buy me and everyone presents but never has and spent it all on himself kind of made me want to not give him the presents I got him, since like I said I’m always giving him things and stuff but he never does it back.
I asked him if he had bought a Christmas present for me and he hadn’t, he hadn’t bought anyone in my family anything. Since he never does, I scribbled his name off the presents and put my dad’s name on them instead. He still won’t buy us anything.
It’s just the thought of doing it for us yet he would rather buy drinks and spend it on his friends at nights out. I don’t have a lot of money but I still manage to get something for everyone.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ I just don’t understand why it took you so long to stop.
Your brother sounds super selfish. I’m also surprised why your parents never told him that his selfish behavior had to stop. You don’t state your ages but if he has money to go out and drink, I’m guessing that he’s old enough to know better.
Treating you badly on your birthday is unacceptable. “Acting mean” is probably his way of deflection, hoping you’ll think he’s mad at you for some reason with it being your fault, leading you to believe that you don’t deserve a gift. At least, in his own mind.
Don’t scribble his name off of presents to give to your dad instead. It’ll make your dad feel like he’s second best, an afterthought. Instead, rewrap the gifts and put your dad’s name on them. Ignore your brother and don’t say anything about not getting him anything.
Let him realize it on his own. THAT’S the best little reward!” LoveBeach8
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Rewrap/relabel the gifts for your dad rather than scribble. When your brother asks where his presents are, simply ask, “Oh, so you brought presents to exchange this year?
I took it from your lack of presents in previous years and your confirmation you’d bought none for anyone to mean you weren’t into exchanging.”” bean05059
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If he says anything about not receiving gifts tell him that he clearly doesn’t want to exchange gifts so you stopped buying him gifts.
And put fresh tags on the gifts that are now going to your father.” YoshiKoshi
15. AITJ For Not Wanting To Share My Limited Food With My Family?
“Everything is SO expensive including groceries. It doesn’t help that I live in an expensive state. I’m in college and I commute and I also work. I don’t make a lot of money.
My parents like to think we’re not that poor but we are. The fridge is empty right now and I’m not even joking. Just soy sauce, 2 jugs of milk, and mayonnaise.
My mom scolds and yells at my siblings when someone hides food when we have some but can you blame them?
Also my siblings eat food just because it’s there. Think about it this way, if my mom bought a box of cookies and there are 4 left, even if you’re not hungry or don’t want any they feel obligated to eat it cause they know that the next sibling will eat them all.
But if the pantry always had that box of cookies stocked I know for a fact no one else would act like a savage and it will last.
I have $20 and was thinking about getting pasta, cheap rotisserie chicken, and sauce to make something to eat but that means that I have to share.
Yes, if you make something, you have to make some for everyone. I feel super guilty cause I don’t want to share with anyone else. I used to be fit and worked hard to gain weight and I lost it all cause there’s no food.
I’m struggling in school cause I can’t concentrate. I want to go to the store and make something cheap and I literally don’t want to share with anyone else at all. My mom said that we all have to look out for each other but in my head, it’s survival of the fittest. Can you blame me?
I don’t qualify for food stamps if anyone wants to know.
At work, I “eat” in my car cause most of the time I either didn’t bring anything or it’s just white rice. My job had a holiday dinner when everyone had to bring in one food dish.
I lied and said I forgot and told everyone that I brought lunch and just sat in my car till my break was over. I just want to graduate college and become a doctor but that’s not going to happen. I can’t do this anymore.
I’m literally failing and struggling. I don’t want to share food with anyone else at all and I hate that I feel this way. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Starvation makes desperate people. Why is your mom not on government support? If she can’t feed her dependent children, this is a major issue, separate from yours.
If this is a pride thing, this may actually be worthy of CPS. As for you, see if your college has a food pantry. Use it. Get on the internet and find every local food bank and put them on rotation. Look for any and every chance to get a free meal. Colleges often offer free breakfast or free lunch for various things.
Take advantage of it. Lose any pride you may have over this. Your goal is to get your degree. Then you can donate to those places that supported you.” WhereWeretheAdults
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I experienced a somewhat similar survival mode type situation when I was younger and it’s extremely hard.
It shouldn’t be this way but there are two things to do, the first is practical solutions to make sure you are getting enough to eat right now and the second is changing your circumstances. First off, practical things. Canned soups can be single-serving and cheap to stretch your funds.
Find other shelf-stable things you can acquire in single servings like a cup of noodles. Something to abate the hunger but stretch your funds. It sucks, but experiment to see if you can find flavors that you can handle but that everyone else dislikes, it will limit them taking your food.
Pasta is also something that you can make last a long time that is really filling. If you have control over a car, you can also hide food inside the trunk in the spare tire well or under the seats. Go by the grocery store in the evening, at that point, delis will mark down leftovers from the deli counter and you can get things cheaper.
Second, explore options with social services or workforce development programs. My spouse did a workplace training program that included a grocery stipend. This can help you with your job options and with getting food. Food pantries and kitchens can help. As long as you can keep your living situation viable, put everything into setting yourself up to leave.
I know student loans are terrifying but they can be manageable. I have student loans and I’ll be paying them off for a long time but it’s how I got out. I got out, got to school, and got a job. Paying the student loan sucks but it was the cost of freedom.
My spouse did a workforce training program to go into a trade. Either way can work. I’m sorry you’re going through this and in a way that makes you feel alone instead of part of a family working together to survive. Don’t let your parents’ pride and fear keep you down.
Use social services, use your resources. You don’t have to live like this forever.” rebelcompass
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Frankly, you might consider eating the rotisserie chicken in the car. No, you shouldn’t have to do that, but it sounds like you’re literally starving.
I’d also suggest hitting up whatever food banks or community food pantries you have nearby. Tell them your household size & you can get plenty of basics (pasta, rice, beans, cereal, sometimes vegetables & meat) to help lessen the strain. Even some gyms like the YMCA provide a food pantry.
You don’t need to explain where the food came from. Frankly, your parents are putting their pride above their children.” The_Bunny_Brat
14. AITJ For Getting Sick Before Christmas Despite My Precautions?
“My partner is very paranoid about him, myself, or our daughter (3yo) getting ill for Christmas.
He’s been really focused on making sure our daughter has a great day, which, of course, I want also. For some context, I’m quite prone to chest infections this time of year. Despite being as careful as I can—sanitizing my hands and trying to avoid germs—my partner says I’ve potentially ruined Christmas because I’ve gotten sick.
He’s angry at me for not being “hyper-vigilant” enough and blames me for getting ill. I’ve had a chest infection on Christmas before (last year, in fact), but it didn’t impact him or our daughter, and we still had a lovely day.
The past few days, I’ve felt a cough coming on, but I was worried to say anything because I knew how he’d react.
I finally told him (I couldn’t really hide it anymore), and as I expected, he’s furious.
I work in an office and often go to the supermarket, where I touch trolleys and baskets. I’ve tried to explain to him that getting sick isn’t something I can always control.
I’ve also acknowledged that maybe I could’ve been more careful, but I already feel awful about it. Now I feel like a terrible parent for being sick at the “wrong time.” I also feel like I’m trying to downplay how unwell I feel because I don’t want to make a big deal out of it which is really taking its toll.
We’ve now learned that both my sister-in-law and my mum are also unwell. He’s convinced I caught whatever I have from them during the wreath-making event we all attended a few days ago. He called me selfish and stupid for not asking if anyone was ill before going.
However, nobody mentioned being unwell before, during, or after the event.
So, am I the jerk for getting ill before Christmas?”
Another User Comments:
“Your husband sounds like a controlling nightmare. You can’t help getting ill. It’s winter and there are sick people everywhere. Does he expect you to stay indoors and not go anywhere just so you don’t get ill?
How does he act the rest of the year is he this controlling the rest of the time? The fact he was insulting you is bad. There are all sorts of red flags flying here. You need couples therapy or a divorce. NTJ.” Broken_Reality
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but your husband is. You can’t control getting sick. As much as we can take tons of precautions, illness happens. You didn’t get sick ‘on purpose’ to ‘ruin’ Christmas. Your husband is being not only unsupportive but unreasonable. It sounds like his concerns about illness and his belief that the risk of illness can be completely controlled and that people who get sick did something wrong and are to be blamed for being sick are crossing a line into a concerning level where he may need professional mental health help to deal with this and reset to a more rational and realistic mindset.
How old is your child? Is your kid in school? Because if she isn’t yet your husband is going to have some real challenges once he finds out just how much of a petri dish for illness a school or daycare is. He needs to deal with his issues around sickness before it causes him to attempt to restrict your child’s life and contacts to “protect” your kid.” CuriousEmphasis7698
Another User Comments:
“My husband has gotten me sick two times in two months. I’m careful using masks and hand sanitizer, but those are things he won’t do. He gets the bug at church, coughs without covering his mouth, and sure enough, four days after he is symptomatic, I’m sick.
I am sick right now. I am supposed to be hosting Christmas for extended family. I’ve been cleaning and cooking for two weeks (the two weeks I was well) and today I can’t stand up without feeling like I’m going to fall over. I have no idea if I’ll have to cancel on my family and even if I don’t, it won’t be as special as I wanted if I have to be in bed for days.
I’m reading this thread and think I must also be a jerk, but I hate him.” WantToBelieveInMagic
13. AITJ For Choosing My Dog's Health Over A New Relationship?
“I rescued a shepadoodle just about 12 years ago from an Amish farm where he was very abused and neglected. When I rescued him he was 45lbs and currently 115lbs (he’s perfectly healthy.
My vet just called him “an oldie but goodie” as he’s almost 13). I can’t go into details of the abuse but it was so bad he had seizures from TBI and some lasting trauma. One of the things they did was cause harm to him when he tried to eat or drink.
Because of this to this day, he will only drink in private… In the toilet is his favorite. I’ve tried many other things including putting a bowl of water in the bathroom but my Benny will not have it. I’ve had to take him to the vet multiple times for dehydration.
Eventually, my vet said, “if it’s between Benny dying and drinking out of the toilet, let him drink out of the toilet. Just keep it clean.”
Now my dad, who is an “I don’t like dogs” guy, went and built a bathroom in our basement just for our dog.
It’s not a place for him to go to the bathroom but is a bathroom just for Benny. It has a toilet just for him to drink out of. No human is allowed to use it for any reason. We have two other bathrooms for that.
We’re all happy and most importantly, my Benny is happy and healthy.
More background. I’m almost aromantic. I like the idea of romance but really I just don’t want to be inconvenienced by a relationship. I like intimacy and I’m a unicorn (iykyk) so a relationship is not needed. So I really do not care if I’m in a relationship.
Once in a while, I’ll get that “maybe I’ll see what’s out there” desire and quickly remember why I prefer being single. Stupidly, I decided to see what’s out there.
A few months ago I met a guy who seemed fun and we started loosely seeing each other.
He was over and we were in my basement when he saw my dog sneak into the bathroom. This jerk goes into the bathroom and starts yelling at my dog. We don’t yell at Benny. EVER. I told the guy to stop. And he says “the dog’s drinking out of the toilet.
It’s disgusting”. I said, “so is yelling at a traumatized animal. And that’s his bathroom. No one uses that bathroom”. He goes in to say “it’s still a toilet!”
So remember, I don’t care about relationships. I tell the guy to leave and that this isn’t working out.
He gets all upset saying that I’m choosing a dog over him. I say, “yes. I will ALWAYS choose my dog over you”. He’s yelling so loud my Benny is about to go all half German Shepard on him and even my dad is yelling down asking if I need him.
Guy finally leaves in a huff. But now I’m getting mysterious texts saying I’m a jerk for choosing a dog over a guy (whom I’ve known for a whopping 6 weeks) and that I’m disgusting for letting my dog drink out of a toilet (it’s Benny’s toilet).
So… AITJ for choosing my dog’s health over some rando? AITJ for letting my dog drink out of his personal toilet?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ look, he has a private bathroom. You have two others. It’s a clean place out of the way for him to drink. Tbh would you really want to stay with this guy?
He yells at you, tries to control the house he is just visiting, yells at the dog, and views his needs/trauma as irrelevant and even competition(“you’re choosing a dog over me”) He either is texting you or has a buddy texting you.
Of course they’re going to say you’re the jerk. It’s better it’s at the beginning rather than him waiting to take issue with Benny down the line.” Worried-Good-7952
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and I’m cracking up over your beloved Benny having his own loo solely to drink out of.
I would have been yicked out too seeing a dog drinking out of the toilet but I’d do what I think most reasonable people would do and that’s bring it to your attention so you can decide how to deal with your own dog.
That would be your opportunity to explain the situation to me. Simples. Why would you yell at a sweet dog for doing something as harmless as drinking toilet water?” pixie-ann
12. AITJ For Not Sharing Completed Homework With My Brother?
“I (16m) and my brother are in the same world history class, and a week ago we got an assignment that doubled as a study guide for our final exam. Our teacher gave us plenty of time to complete it and went over it and the answers, elaborating or explaining what needed to be clarified in the class following.
My brother failed to complete it, and a “missing” (0%) went into the gradebook. Our teacher is very lenient when it comes to missing or late work, so my brother was just going to procrastinate and do it at the cut-off for the semester.
Fast forward to two days ago, my brother asked me for the study guide/assignment in front of my mom.
I responded with something along the lines of it’s on Canvas (similar to Google Classroom) and all the resources that have the information is on there as well, to which my mom added that I should just send it to him. I obliged, and sent the assignment, without answers on it, because I thought it would be no use to him if he didn’t know the information on it.
My mom went upstairs, and our evening continued, and I was listening to music while studying for my exams, when my brother got my mom, saying that I just sent him a blank document. She came downstairs and yelled at me, saying I was being a jerk and unkind person by not sending it to him with the answers, and that I was just playing games with him.
She took my phone (it was sitting on the table), and told me I was not allowed to go to my grandparents’ house, or golf with my grandpa for the foreseeable future. She had him take my computer, and send the version of the document with the answers.
Part of me thinks I should have just sent him the document and let him suffer from the consequences of not knowing the information, but the other part of me thinks that he had every opportunity to complete the assignment in class or at home like myself and other classmates did, and it wasn’t my fault he didn’t.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your teacher WILL know that he didn’t do the work, and will already have an inkling of where the correct answers came from. Justice will, eventually, prevail. My wife is a Math teacher. She can tell the difference between kids who know the work, but get the answers wrong, and the ones who don’t know it, copy the answers from somewhere else, and get 100%.
She has occasionally been known to congratulate these kids, and invite them to the board to show how some of the more complex questions should be answered…” ProfessionalEven296
Another User Comments:
“Your mother and your brother are being dishonest, and involving you in it. Quite aside from the moral implications of being dishonest, this is a terrible way to learn.
Students rarely retain much about what they have merely copied. If they assemble and write down the information themselves, they are much more likely to retain it. And of course if they get away with this, they’re likely to take lazy shortcuts the rest of their lives, with predictable results.
NTJ for being reluctant to involve yourself in this.” SavingsRhubarb8746
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your mom is enabling your brother’s laziness (academically). Tell her you’re very disappointed in her enabling and throwing a temper tantrum. Until she has calmed down and is able to act like an adult you’re staying with your grandparents.
Make sure both the teacher and your grandparents know what happened. Have a cloud service to back up your info. Lock the computer every time you leave it. See if your grandparents are willing to buy you a prepaid phone (or get a job and buy it yourself).
The only reason I’m not saying to just take the phone back is because that could be considered theft (legally) and I don’t want to risk your mom being unhinged enough to call them.” ApprehensiveBook4214
11. AITJ For Not Inviting People My MIL Added To Our Wedding Guest List?
“I (F28) and my fiance (M32) have been together for 5.5 years and are getting married in the Spring. We have invited many of his family members I have met or formed a relationship with. Today, on our address collection list, I noticed the names of 4 people I have never met or heard of.
My future MIL forwarded our address collection form to family members (without asking us if she could) and even worse, after we told her we didn’t want to invite his cousin he has not talked to since he was 10.
AITJ for a) not inviting these people after she sent them the address collection form and b) asking her to dish out more $ since already 1/3 of our guest list is family she wanted there and we agreed to invite while less than 1/4 of the guest list is my family.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Something like this happened to me, where a family member forwarded the save the date RSVP to family I hadn’t seen in 20 years. I called EACH person and apologized that they were not formally invited or they would have received a physical save the date and not a text from an aunt, I explained they were not invited and apologized for the misunderstanding of this aunt’s presumptive overstep.
It was awkward but I kept the calls short. I then texted the aunt. She was embarrassed I think by being called out for her own behavior and never expected I’d have the spine to call them and I’d roll over. When you look back at your wedding photos or memories, it should be people who you actually KNOW showing up and supporting your marriage.” hyperfixmum
Another User Comments:
“I’m not sure what I think. It was rude of your MIL to gather addresses of people not on your list, but it’s just an address, you still have the option not to invite them, or send a “wedding ceremony only” invite if they are people you don’t know and your fiance has no relationship with them.
It’s your wedding, invite who you want. But as far as asking MIL to put up money for additional guests, that’s not fair either. If you invite them, you pay, and I’m assuming the cost is related to catering at the reception. With respect to the “percentage of invitees” that are his family vs.
your family, family sizes vary, so you control the cost for “his relatives” vs. “your relatives” with your invitations. If you invite them, then you don’t ask someone else to pay. In the end, there shouldn’t be any “his guests” vs. “your guests, just “our guests.” And remember you can send out wedding invitations only to some people, and not include the reception in their invite.
That being said if there are “special requests” to invite additional people to the reception, from his mother or yours, such that you would just be accommodating your parents’ wishes by sending them with the invitation to the reception, then asking for a “contribution” to supplement your “already stretched budget” is not totally out of line.” brit953
Another User Comments:
“This is YOUR wedding so it should be about YOU. WHO do YOU want there? If you’re footing the bill, you have absolute authority over who can and cannot be a part of your day. If you’re going to allow those people to attend, mil needs to step up and foot the bill.
If she doesn’t pay, they’re off the list. If you allow these extra people though, I’d also cap the list so she can’t keep adding-especially without asking. With either choice, you and your fiancé need to set a budget and stick to it.
If you’re not down for the extra people, there’ll be some awkward convos explaining the runaway mil, but she isn’t in charge of anything. You def need to remind her of that. This is not her day, nor her event to plan.” Beautiful_Release3
10. AITJ For Feeling Uncomfortable Around My Absent Father Who Bought Me Expensive Gifts?
“I (15) have had very minimal contact with my father as my parents divorced when I was a toddler and I was raised by a very loving mother and grandparents whom I adore.
My father told my mother through email abruptly that he was flying to the city we live in because he had some work-related stuff here. From what I’ve heard he tried pretty hard to get this opportunity (for context he’s a college professor and pretty known in his field so he came here for like educational conferences or something I’d imagine.).
And he asked to meet me (and complementarily my mum).
When I first heard this I was just a bit surprised and a bit annoyed. I’d never even spoken to him practically my entire life, maybe once or twice at most as a kid. Additionally, this is never voiced but I’m a minor and I have always had an unexplainable fear around adult men.
They make me uncomfortable unless they are a family member (which I don’t consider my dad to be) or like a service worker. But I obviously try not to visibly show it.
I didn’t want to go, but I feared that would be impolite. It felt obligatory since he flew all the way to ‘see me’.
He wanted to get a Christmas present for me, and my mum and I went to pick him up at a university and we drove to a shopping center. The entire way I just felt so..disgusted by him and I just played music in the car so I wouldn’t feel so awkward.
I didn’t say anything the entire ride.
My mum had told him that I really wanted these headphones for Christmas and he offered to get them for me. I was surprised but happy, I guess, and I thanked him since the headphones were very costly.
He also got a few books for me, and ended up spending around a thousand dollars for my ‘present’.
You see, I don’t know how to feel about this, but I still thanked him since he was buying me stuff. It was only right to remain civil and grateful.
He then asked the bookstore manager to take a photo of us together. He wanted me to stand in the middle but I felt weird so I went to stand next to my mum. He then asked if he could take a photo with me and I declined. It didn’t feel right at the time but I still should have been nice anyway and just taken the photo.
He’s been absent for most of my life and I don’t know him, yet he spent a thousand dollars on me – which is nothing compared to what my mum and family have done for me throughout the past 15 years obviously, but it’s still no small amount.
I rarely spoke today, and now that he’s probably on a flight and that I’ll never see him again for a few years I’d imagine I feel horrible. I still don’t see him as anywhere close to family, but I think I could’ve at least spoken to him more and made him feel less unwelcome.
Since we were sort on time it was basically pick him up -> buy stuff for me -> drop him off at where he needs to be. I feel bad for making this seem purely transactional almost. This has been weighing on me more than I’d like to admit.
So am I a bad person for this?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your feelings are valid. Buying you gifts does not make up for not attempting to see you or be in your life for 8 years. He does not get to buy the “father experience”.
I give you much credit for even meeting him and taking the one pic together. I don’t think I would have even participated in that. You were not under any obligation to take a pic with just him. I hope you give yourself the space to process all this because he is a stranger to you.” tatersprout
Another User Comments:
“I think I have a different way of phrasing the emotions that might help you be more accepting of your choices. I USED to do, as in I no longer do and am probably out of practice, family therapy and I often saw this dynamic with absent parents.
Your father is not your DAD. He does not know you. He has not invested in you as a person. To him, you are something between a coat in the closet and a young child. Once you were that little sprout and showing up with gifts might have been ok.
He expected to slot into the DAD space without ever seeing you as a real person. Rejecting the picture was your way of guarding yourself. You are not a coat waiting until he feels like taking you out of the closet. You are not a baby to be bought off with bobbles.
He was ok photobombing your life and pretending to be your DAD but you were not. Good for you. If he wants to invest in a relationship with you, then he can earn the right to space in your heart, at your pace. NTJ.” venturebirdday
Another User Comments:
“I didn’t read other comments, so this all may have been covered elsewhere. First and foremost NTJ. My question for you is, has anyone commented on your behavior or are you just internalizing guilt? He is the grown up and you are a child and one who was ultimately abandoned by a parent.
It was a long time ago and you have coped in whatever way kids do. Kids are super resilient. My parents split when I was 3. I saw my dad once when I was 6 and not again until I was 21. We’ve had a few conversations since then (I’m 37 now), I don’t harbor ill will, but I am also not going out of my way to foster a relationship.
He knows he needs to do the leg work for that. I am going to bet this man was actually very happy you were willing to spend a few hours with him. That probably means a lot more to him than you will know. If he does indicate being disappointed with you, you owe him nothing.
He was the one who kept his distance because of whatever his reasons were (even if it was an issue of other adults influencing him, your mom, his family, his friends) it was not on you that he wasn’t in your life and that is not your responsibility to change.
If you BOTH want to consider a relationship, I recommend starting with letter writing. It gives you physical distance and time to be able to share and learn on your terms and takes out all other aspects of communication like body language and pacing and keeps it at a slow pace where responses take time and don’t have to be overwhelming.” SnooChickens1598
9. AITJ For Refusing To Apologize For Past PDA I Don't Remember?
“I (24F) have been with my partner (26M) since we were in high school. At the time we met, I was going through a lot at home that led to some pretty intense memory repression and I can often only recall anything prior to turning 18 through photographs.
Because of this, people need to remind me of things I said or did all the time, so all my friends are aware of my memory loss during school and have been since it happened.
Recently, a couple of friends in my social circle (27M and 29F) started seeing each other and began putting on grand displays of affection with the rest of us.
I didn’t mind at all until things began to get inappropriate. We couldn’t even go to the movies without an uncomfortable comment being made every 10 minutes towards each other.
I finally asked them to tone it down, that it made me uncomfortable to hear the details like that and I don’t want to know about that personal aspect of their relationship.
The guy went off on me on a long rant that I was being a hypocrite for telling them they couldn’t do PDA. I was confused, and asked what he meant, needing a memory refresher.
He told me that when I was 15, I often did PDA with my partner while the rest of the group was there.
When I asked if it was inappropriate, he said it wasn’t, but the type of PDA didn’t matter, because I was still telling him to stop when I did the same thing.
While I didn’t agree with that, I told him I couldn’t change the past, but I was an immature kid and we’re all adults now.
He told me he wouldn’t stop unless I apologized for the PDA I did back in high school.
This is where we reached an impasse because I refused to apologize. I told him that I didn’t remember any of that, and I refused to apologize for something I had no memory of because it would be disingenuous and only what he wanted to hear.
I did say I was sorry I forgot, but I didn’t remember what I would be apologizing for so I wasn’t going to do it. I offered a different way to make it up to him in the present, but he refused.
He got angry at me and walked off, and the uncomfortable inappropriate PDA continued on despite my clear discomfort.
He does know I’m uncomfortable because he teases me about it often, but they don’t stop.
I asked my partner, and he confirmed we used to have some level of PDA, but it wasn’t to the extreme and as uncomfortably sensual as our friends do every time we hang out together.
I still won’t apologize though, I truly don’t think it’s right to do when I don’t remember exactly what the apology is for. I’m frustrated I forgot the details and that it seemed to upset my friends without me knowing it. I don’t think I’m in the wrong here, but he’s still upset nevertheless.
AITJ for refusing to apologize for the public display of affection I did in the past because I forgot I did it?”
Another User Comments:
“I’ll offer a perspective from someone with DID (Dissociative identity disorder). Then, I’ll offer my judgment. They are separate.
Firstly, it’s not nice to think you don’t have to apologize because you don’t remember doing something and that will lose you friends. From your perspective, maybe some part of you remembers doing that, but it isn’t you, and they aren’t here to apologize, so that seems fair.
However, from the perspective of an outsider, even one who knows you have some form of psychological amnesia, you all share one body and you hurt them. So, do the right thing for your friends and your friendships with them, and apologize when one is deserved. Now, onto this scenario.
An apology isn’t deserved here. You were slightly obnoxious teenagers. They are inappropriate adults. That is different. For that reason, NTJ.” AndromedaZ
Another User Comments:
“Let’s unpack this. You are NTJ, your friend is. The level of PDA between 15-year-olds and what you describe your friends engaging in very much does matter.
Your friend is gaslighting you by insisting that it’s the same thing. It’s not. You are not being a hypocrite here. More importantly, this is absolutely nothing to apologize for. Your teenage PDA from years ago didn’t and doesn’t affect him in any way and didn’t cause anyone any harm or hurt, hence it’s not an offense and doesn’t require an apology.
That being said, if you grievously hurt someone’s feelings and they call you out on that, having no recollection of saying or doing the hurtful thing does not absolve you of owning what you did to them. This is not the case. This guy doesn’t sound like someone you want to hang out with so much, for a number of reasons.” Content-Plenty-268
Another User Comments:
“Info: is it possible your friends resent you because you did hurtful things during your teens but no one can confront you because you’re traumatized and don’t remember? I doubt this is about teenage pda. Teenagers can be really awful and emotionally damage even their closest friends.
Lifelong friends address such issues over the years but in your case, nothing can be addressed. You also seem to think not remembering gets you off the hook even if everyone else does. Instead of refusing to apologize, have you sat down with your friends to find out how they feel?
And if you did things they still hold against you but can’t address due to your memory repression. Honestly, if this is a lingering issue, you may find that if you and your partner broke up, you’d have no friends.” Specific_Impact_367
8. AITJ For Making Roasted Garlic Mayo For The Office Party Despite My Partner's Opposition?
“I have been at this job for about 4 months now and it is my first office position, I spent most of my work in warehousing and as a line/lead cook. My office has certain months where units can sell items to other units and offices to fund fun things like the upcoming Christmas party and my unit decided on Tortas.
To contribute and to help get my name out there along with the work I have been doing I wanted to make some roasted garlic mayo as I have wanted to make it and I do enjoy cooking, but my partner does not want me to because it is me potentially catching the eye of some women in my office.
She was married previously for 7 years and her late husband would accept food women would make for him and he did have affairs a lot and she didn’t find out about most of it until he passed. I have not had an affair or talked to any other woman since we started seeing each other and I am not bringing food for any individual. She thinks we comprise by me not making it.
I was going to because it is something I signed up to bring.
Am I a jerk for still making the mayo?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. This is a pretty wild take that communal garlic mayo is gonna be a catalyst for a tryst. The food is not the reason her husband deceived her.
This reeks of that dumbest “people who share food want to have intimacy” nonsense. I would try to have a frank conversation with her and personally, I see this as something she should go to therapy for. She can’t be expecting you to deceive her for garlicky Mayo dip at the office Christmas party.” Canned_Spaghettiboss
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It’s ridiculous to allege that mayo might “catch the eye of women”. She’s punishing you for her ex’s behavior. He deceived because he was a deceiver, not because he was offered food. She isn’t able to trust you and will expect your relationship to cater to her insecurities over something you’ve never done.
Think carefully about if this is something you want long-term. I’ve been to hundreds of food-centric workplace events throughout my career, and never once was a workplace affair sparked by a man contributing food to the event.” Obtuse-Angel
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your partner can’t make you pay for the sins of her ex.
If you give in to this, her controlling nature is just going to escalate. She’s probably already complaining about you attending functions that aren’t strictly about work. I also have to wonder what turns her on if she suspects garlic mayo is enough to turn you into the office gigolo.
The man that wields the immersion blender drives ALL the women crazy…” cassowary32
7. AITJ For Refusing To Drive My Adult Child To Their New Job Daily?
“My 20-year-old child was offered a job 45 minutes from our house. They have no driver’s license yet, and a car that was given to them, but they do not drive due to having no license.
They were just offered a job at a location 45 minutes from our house. Taking them to/from work every day would take me 3 hours. I work from home, and I have responsibilities. Also, I just do not want to drive for 3 hours every day. I wouldn’t do that for ANY job.
My kid says I should be supportive and drive them, but I am just not going to do it. I told them that this was an unreasonable request and that I’d be willing to do one trip (1.5 hours) only. There isn’t running public transportation here either.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“My kid wrecked my car and I got a new one that he wasn’t allowed to drive. He got a beater but it broke down quickly and it didn’t make a bit of sense for me to pay to fix it.
I gave him time and a deadline to find a ride to/from work. It was 45-60 minutes there and back every Saturday and Sunday, meaning about 3-4 hours per day for me to do drop off and pick up. It cost me more in gas than he made.
He was SO mad at me for “making” him quit, I really think it took him a long time to stop being mad about it. You have to do hard things sometimes. And it sucks to be seen as the bad guy. NTJ though.” ODB247
Another User Comments:
“I’m gonna say this. I did not get my driver’s license until I was 24. I lived outside of DC, and all of my jobs were accessible by public transit until I was 23. I ended up getting a job at my mom’s company.
The problem was that I moved out when I was 21. She lived 20-30 minutes from work, and I lived 15-20 minutes from work in the opposite direction and had to be at work an hour earlier than the first bus arrived. She was 30-40 minutes from my place.
What my mom knows about me. I don’t like being a burden, I work, I take work seriously, and with the right motivation, I can do what needs to be done. My mom KNOWS that I wouldn’t make her struggle to help me without doing everything I can to stand on my own.
She let me stay in my old room while I went to driving school, then got up three hours early for my shift, drove 30 minutes to me, had me get my driving hours by driving us to work and to my house, and then drove home through DC traffic every day until I racked up enough hours to take the road test. All and all five months of supporting me until I got my license and another month until I bought my own first car.
She literally dropped me at the dealership and said, “You only leaving if you got a car!” And sped away. She knew I would do what I needed to do to keep a good job. All that to say, you KNOW your kid. You know what they can do and what they will most likely do.
The hardest part is balancing your own sacrifices with their abilities and potential.
I say NTJ. Let them know if they can find a reasonable plan to get them one way, you’ll help them with the other. They need to know you aren’t hanging them out to dry, but you aren’t letting them take over your life anymore.
That time is over for them. They’re an adult now. They have to figure out how to get to and from work like everyone else.” RainbowEagleEye
Another User Comments:
“Looks like you’re in Maryland. (My home state—yay!!! Best flag of all 50 states!!!) Since kid is over 18, they need to get their learner’s permit first. Then enroll in a 30-hour driver’s Ed course with 6 hours of practice driving.
They only need to have this for THREE MONTHS (not 18 months). During the 3 months, they need to get 60 hours of behind-the-wheel practice with a licensed driver over 21 and track it in a log. 10 of these hours need to be at night (defined as 30 mins after sunset and 30 mins before sunrise).
You could likely fudge a bit—count 45 minutes of practice as an hour—but don’t fudge by much because it’s critical to get this experience! (Fun fact: in 1984, I took Driver’s Ed in Annapolis, and our instructor took some of us out for practice on the Baltimore Beltway the day before Thanksgiving!!!
Including merging onto it at one of those wicked short merge lanes where people are also merging to get off the Beltway in like 75 yards of lane!!!) So in under 4 months, kid could have their license! But yeah: no to you driving them. They can stay at their current job until they are licensed.” OnMyVeryBestBehavior
6. AITJ For Asking My Husband To Maintain Basic Manners?
“I (30M) have been married to my husband (41M) for 10 years. I miss when we were just seeing each other and we had a certain amount of manners around each other.
It’s a huge turn-off for me to have him belch, fart loudly, sneeze without covering his mouth/nose to where I can smell the sneeze, chew loudly, talk while eating… None of these things were done while we were seeing each other or even in the first few years of our marriage.
I understand it’s all basic human functions, but they all just repulse me and I would not have married him if he did these things while we were seeing each other. I asked him to be more polite around me and he said it was weird for a spouse to ask something like this.
I know spouses should be comfortable with this stuff around each other, but I also don’t want to feel the ick about my spouse.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Speaking as someone who works with children and parents, I can tell you that manners are off the wall any more.
Generally speaking, the public is disgusting. Your husband is not being respectful of you or, even worse, himself, when he acts like he does. He is being slovenly and lacks personal discipline. I am not sure how to ask a grown person to mind his manners, though.” Outrageous_Emu8503
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Start leaving the room when he’s being gross. Get yourself totally out of the house away from him to engage in activities you enjoy and to be in the company of people you find pleasant and who make you happy. If you find yourself loving life more the less time you spend with him, make spending time away from him permanent!
There’s no way I’d condemn myself to a lifetime with someone who just plain grosses me out. He pulled a bait ‘n’ switch on you. Don’t feel bad–you never agreed to love the gross version of him.” EnvironmentOk5610
Another User Comments:
“If he has to fart he is in his house … he can do that wherever he wants to.
If you decide to leave him and see another person, that person might also get to a point where he feels comfortable to fart next to you. But even these normal bodily functions are expected to be done with boundaries. You want to sneeze do that using tissue paper, be it in a relationship or not, sneezing and spraying is awful.
I am not leaving my chair to fart but I won’t do that when I’m in bed with my wife. If I’m sick for instance and know that the smell will be god awful that’s when I would excuse myself and run to the bathroom.
If I am sick and cannot leave the bed from a flu let’s say I would warn my wife and she would giggle out an “oh lord have mercy on my soul” as she runs out of the room. My point is that these things are expected to happen eventually in a relationship but even still, a person should be mindful.
Chewing loudly is not an issue for me, anyone can chew loudly next to me but it came to my knowledge a while back that some people are genetically unable to tolerate that loud open-mouth mastication sound for some reason, I’m not going to fact-check this now but it might have something to do with your DNA make-up.
Look into it. No jerks here, in my opinion, just a little bit of communication and it can all be solved. Don’t ask him to be more “polite” around you lol, just communicate it all to him respectfully.” HesperNox
5. AITJ For Getting Upset At My Mom For Giving My Cupcakes To My Cousin Without Asking Me?
“My cousin (17m) is living with my family since his father doesn’t want him and his mother isn’t fit to look after him.
Despite this, he tries to live with his mum anyway.
Okay, so I (15m) was baking a lot of cupcakes last night, since today I was supposed to go to a Christmas party that one of my out-of-school activities was hosting. I planned on making 36, and I still need to make one more batch so I made 24 last night, one batch (of 12) was gluten-free and one was just normal. So, I was obviously sleeping in a little this morning, when I woke up to my mum opening the door to see if I was awake.
Which I was, we were talking a little bit when she made an offhanded comment “Oh yea, I gave two of your cupcakes to (cousin’s name) since he came back” which caused me to pause and tear up a little because I had put a lot of work into those cupcakes for the party which I was excited about.
I asked her “what do you mean” and she kept saying “oh but we’re family, and family comes first” and things like that, but it still hurt! I put a lot of effort into those! And now she isn’t even allowing me to bake another batch!
And because of this I got upset, I told her “Mum you can’t do that!” And “you should have asked me first” which, just ended up with her talking over me which, inherently made me more upset so I began talking louder, and louder!
And before she left my room she said “fine, I’ll just punish myself by not eating your food” in a sad tone and like.
Now I feel even worse! BUT UGH! She keeps doing this and it’s so annoying! Like, I keep trying to bake things for other people but she keeps on giving it to my cousin! It’s all about my cousin’s feelings and never mine! I just!
I just want her to not do that! But AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your mom sounds like more of a child than you. She is yelling and then pouting? That’s ridiculous. If you made them for an event with a certain number of people, I would be frustrated. And then she wouldn’t let you make more?
That’s just even more toxic and controlling. “Family comes first” gets me too, you aren’t withholding food from your starving cousin. It’s a cupcake, he doesn’t NEED one (or two). However, if you know this is an issue and she is going to continue doing this.
Maybe make a few extra on the side and slab some frosting for “family cupcakes” and don’t worry about what they look like. It may not be fair, but sounds like the only thing you can do that is in your control as you are a minor.” Miss_Judge_and_Jury
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, she’s ignoring you and your feelings and justifying it with bs, such “family comes first.” She should have listened, acknowledged, and tried to create a solution with you to make the best out of a mistake (i.e. letting you bake another batch).
Also side note it was extremely kind and thoughtful of you to make gf cupcakes too. I have celiac and as a kid in school never could eat things kids brought into class and trust me it sucks to just sit there and watch. extreme props to you.” marlingeetar
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Sorry, my mom was very much like that, a victimized drama queen every time she did wrong. Sometimes she got ahead of us in rehearsing her injured lament so we didn’t even know what she was on about until later. Learn to find some private humor about the dramatics.
Hang in there until you are financially independent and have your own place. She’ll still try to take things from you and throw performances, but it will be easier if she can’t get into your home. The sad thing is that your mom really does feel bad and injured. She thinks all bad feelings are forced on her by others.
When people grow up without learning to regulate emotions, they seldom change. They are also seldom trustworthy people, so be careful.” dontlikebeige
4. AITJ For Leaving My Mom's House To Avoid Her Overbearing Partner?
“When I (15M) was 13 my mother (a bisexual woman) was unfaithful to my dad with one of her female friends from college she reconnected with. My parents divorced, and my mom married her partner.
I’m an only child and I live with my mom during the week.
We’re quite close. Her partner makes a lot of money. So much that my mom thinks it doesn’t make sense for her to work and she’s a stay-at-home mom.
My relationship with my mom’s partner is tense. At first, I didn’t mind her.
Since my mom doesn’t work her partner provides for her. As long as she provided for my mom and made her happy, I didn’t care. My mom provides for me with child support money from my dad.
Issues started quickly arising when my mom’s partner started intruding on my life.
She tried to look through my laptop but couldn’t crack my password and demanded I open it for her. I refused. There was a massive argument and my mom took my side which caused tension between my mom and her partner. Next, she started judging me for my eating habits and weight.
She started making comments about how I’m “looking chubbier than usual” and should stop eating so much fast food. I literally eat what my mom cooks at home. She also demands since it’s her house, I always keep my room clean and organized. I have no issue with this, she is right.
What bugs me is that she will come into my room at like 6 am and yell at me while I’m asleep to start cleaning.
All this nonsense results in a lot of daily arguments between us. I’ve started going to my dad’s after school instead.
This causes my mom to freak out and beg me to go home to her. I hate doing that but I love my mom and do it for her.
A few days ago, my mom sat me down with her partner and asked both of us if we could figure out a way to get along.
A couple of hours of discussion and there was an agreement to try to be more respectful. Despite this, a lot of the same behavior keeps going on. And today, on the birthday of my mom’s partner my mom asked if I was going to celebrate with them.
I thought about it and said no. My mom told me I don’t have a choice since her partner provides for her we both owe her basic decency and respect. She told me to get ready and dress nicely since we were going out to eat.
I had an “I’ve had enough” moment so when my mom went to shower I decided to leave the house and walk to my dad’s place.
My mom freaks out and calls me. I don’t pick up so she calls my dad and he tells her where I am.
There is a huge argument between the two and at the end of it my dad congratulated me on standing up to my mom and her partner despite being such a jerk to them. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your mother’s partner doesn’t treat you with decency or respect, from the sounds of it ever.
She oversteps boundaries all the time despite not actually being your parent. Your mother didn’t treat you with decency or respect when she was unfaithful, tore you away from your stable family, and turned your childhood upside down: you clearly still resent this. You need to talk about it.
You and your mother. First without her partner present if necessary. She needs to be prepared to listen to you so you work this out, parent to child. If she isn’t prepared to do that, she’s a pretty massive jerk.” crazyheather345
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Also at 15 a judge would probably listen to your input as to which home you wish to live in. That isn’t nice for your mother but it was her choice to marry her affair partner and move you both in with her. You had no choice with this.
As with all step-parents, your stepmother does not have a right to have access to your laptop, does not have the right to criticize you and does not have the right to make decisions for you. Decisions are made between your mother and your father.
I am wondering if the fact your mother is now solely reliant on her wife’s income is why she will not stand up for you. Even if this is the reason your mother will not stand up for you that does not excuse her for failing in being a parent.
Parents are supposed to protect their children but unfortunately, I’ve seen way too many cases where a parent has a new partner and they let that partner get away with such behavior.” Inallea
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. The question you need to ask your mum is “mum, what are you going to do to stop your partner from mistreating me.” A follow-up question may need to be “mum/dad, would it be OK if I live with dad full-time and only see mum outside the home, to protect me from the mistreatment.” Or even “dad, I need adults’ help to protect me here.” Waking you up and yelling at you at 6 am is abusive.
Laying into a teen about their weight, especially when this is clearly not coming from a place of love, is dangerous. Making you part of your mum’s keep partner happy so they’ll fund our life deal is… uncomfortable. You’re a child. It is your parents’ responsibility to provide for you.
How your mum chooses to do that is up to her. If she and her partner want her to stay at home that’s down to them, you are not party to that deal. Your mum is responsible for you.” Cevanne46
3. AITJ For Not Revealing Baby's Gender Or Names To My Overzealous In-Laws?
“I, a 38-year-old female, am 6 months pregnant with my first child. I do not have a great relationship with my in-laws, but it’s not horrible. They are very, very active on social media and it drives me crazy. I’m talking 4 or 5 posts daily. I initially didn’t tell anyone I was pregnant (including my husband) until I passed the 12-week mark.
I am a high-risk pregnancy and I didn’t want anyone to get their hopes up. Thankfully everything is running smoothly as can be.
Over Thanksgiving weekend both sides of our family were asking for gender and wanting to talk baby names etc. My own mother knows we don’t want to share and has been very supportive.
My own siblings and in-laws however have been hounding me. I’ve told them I don’t know the gender (and don’t want to know because it doesn’t really matter either way) and we are set in our name choices. I refuse to share our picks because they have a tendency to post stuff all the time.
Besides, we have several names picked out, but we might change our minds when the child is born. They keep accusing me of pushing them out, but honestly, I just don’t trust them based on how they act/post. My husband is 110% on the same page.
Here’s the jerk part, the questions and suggestions wouldn’t stop. I’ve calmly and politely asked them to stop, I’m no stranger to newborns as they have been my life’s work for over 20 years. I finally got fed up and said if they didn’t stop the hounding I’ll name the baby Rudolph.
My MIL said “why can’t you ever do anything normal, this is the fun part and you’re ruining it for all of us.” I could tell I hurt her feelings but everything I do ends up all over social media which isn’t something I want for my child.
My husband quickly told his family to back off and if they wanted to be involved then maybe actual effort instead of badgering me and trying to constantly give advice would be a better start. It blew up from there with decades-long crap getting dug up.
We left and of COURSE his sister posted about it on her Instagram… proving my point. I did however unintentionally make it worse. We currently have our phones off because I keep getting called the “mean person that made mom cry”. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“I heard a totally believable urban myth that happened to a friend of a friend (of course). This lady went into labor, and her sister took it upon herself to splash the news all over social media. Sister’s name is in labor, can’t wait to meet my new nibling, not long now, that sort of stuff.
Tragically, the baby was stillborn. This lady, instead of coming home with her baby, came home to a load of congratulations messages when her baby had died. Her sister was nowhere to be seen, while this lady (at the worst point in her life) was left to explain what had happened. The moral of the story is DO NOT share other people’s news on social media, and don’t share your news with someone who wouldn’t think twice about sharing it before you.
NTJ. You’re completely in the right, and who gives a luck about their fun.” pixie1947
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, and valid in your reasons. It seems like your MIL is excited for you, and probably herself too, new grandbaby! Is there a way to set boundaries, while offering an olive branch of some kind?
Have a sit-down convo with her and your husband, lay out (again) why you don’t want to give any names yet, and kindly and firmly explain your stance on social media; but “we love how excited you are to welcome this baby into the world!
They are so lucky to have a grandmother like you waiting to meet them. We don’t want you to feel like we don’t care, but we will not budge on the names, or anything to do with our child being online. Instead, would you like to (help with the baby shower, help with the nursery, baby proof the house with us, go baby shopping with us, go to one of those sonogram places where they have the couches for family and meet the grandbaby for like 15 minutes, help me meal prep before the baby comes, insert stuff you do when a baby comes here)?” Hold your ground, but offer something else instead that you are comfortable with.
If she says no, well, you tried!” makethatnoise
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If people cannot respect your choices for your family and children they do not have to be a part of your life. This goes for blood relations as well as friends. I never told people I was pregnant until week 12 or later.
It’s really none of their business. I never found out the gender. Even if I had, I would have kept it secret. I never shared my list of names, because I didn’t have one, I waited to see my babies until naming them.
But even if I had a list I would have never shared it. I barely post my kids and everyone knows to not post them without my permission. They can take pics and videos of course but share them with me privately and do not share them with anyone else.
People have been cut out of my life entirely for violating my rule about this. Also, it should be up to them whether they want their pictures plastered all over the internet or not.
Unsolicited advice is bogus. That’s not being involved. That’s being nosy and pushy.
Being involved would look like them being excited for the baby! Asking if you need anything. Helping to organize a meal train for when you deliver. Coming up with a schedule for cleaning your house and running errands for you when the baby comes so you’re free to sleep and bond with your child.
Buying items you need. Setting up a cloth diaper service or disposable diaper delivery.
I am glad your husband is sticking up for you! He is a good man. Listen to me! You have done nothing wrong. Nothing at all. You didn’t make it worse.
They are 100% at fault for this. And not you. And calling you a jerk? Well what about all of them upsetting you by blatantly disrespecting you and your wishes for your child? None of them have to be allowed to participate in your child’s life.
That is a privilege, not a right you and your spouse extend to people you deem fit. You are most definitely NTJ!!! Cut out any toxic people now before that precious baby gets here. Peace is worth everything.” Disastrous-Level-420
2. AITJ For Not Giving Up My Bed To My Pregnant Cousin?
“My (38F) aunt (60ishF) hosted Thanksgiving this year at her fairly large house.
She was really eager this year to have my mother’s family join this year, including me and my sister, her husband, and her kids because we haven’t seen each other in a while. She was insistent that we all stay at her house so we could spend more time with each other.
Before I agreed to go, I confirmed with her that I would be able to sleep in a bed, in a room with a door that closes. I’m ok with sharing a bed or a room, but I need an actual bed or a room.
I am the only one of my siblings or cousins who is single or childless/childfree. Because of this, historically I have been relegated to the living room couch or floor during holidays. It has always sucked. I am overweight so I wake up with back pain.
I have had air mattresses deflate on me overnight due to a hole. I can’t fall asleep until the younger adult family members finish hanging out at 1 am and then I get woken up at 6 am by someone making coffee. People keep on moving my luggage.
I get only a couple of hours of bad sleep and wake up in pain. I have pledged to myself that if I wasn’t able to get a real bed in an actual room, I would get a hotel room.
Thanksgiving week arrives and I’m pleasantly surprised that I was assigned a room and a Queen bed to myself.
All of the adults had beds they shared with their SO. It was great for the first night.
But the day before Thanksgiving my cousin (35M) arrives with his partner (28F) who is 6 months pregnant as a surprise. He had originally told my aunt he wasn’t going to be able to make it because of work, but he just wanted to surprise her.
But now, there aren’t enough beds for everyone. My mother said that I could give up my bed to the couple and sleep on the air mattress in the den, but my aunt insisted I stay in my room. My cousin ended up on the couch and his partner on an air mattress.
My mother is now lecturing me about being a bad guest. She thinks I should have insisted that my cousin and his partner take the bed, especially because she is pregnant.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. You weren’t a bad guest. You have been given the short stick many times and had needs you helpfully communicated in advance.
You could not have anticipated additional guests. I think the only possible jerks here are the cousin with the surprise pregnant partner, it’s a nice gesture but if he wasn’t sure there would be room for them to stay it was poor of them not to make hotel reservations nearby and graciously decline any offers that your aunt could ‘make room’ for the unexpected additions.
If the expecting cousin couple had done that, this would have been a non-issue. I don’t feel that you should have insisted on giving up your spot over this.
EDIT: I originally felt there were no jerks here but I agree with others that your mom volunteering your space and then giving you a hard time is jerkish, and secondarily the surprise guests expecting accommodation without having arranged it in advance also are.” owls_and_cardinals
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Since your cousin was coming as a surprise, he should have known that there wouldn’t be enough beds and planned ahead by getting a hotel, or telling someone else who was in on the surprise and made some sort of arrangements with them.
Showing up with someone who is 6 months pregnant and has no plans for where they will sleep is pretty dumb on his part. Also, if your mom is so insistent on you giving up your bed, why didn’t she just give up her bed?” Tdluxon
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You communicated early about your requests for an actual bed in a room with a door that closes, and that you wouldn’t mind sharing a room or a bed. Your aunt agreed and took that into consideration when making the sleeping arrangements and assigned you a bed in a room.
Your aunt, who is the host, didn’t budge when unexpected guests arrived asking for a bed. The only jerk in this is your mom because she’s amongst those people who think that singles should always get the short end/that couples take priority. She could’ve just as easily offered her spot in a bed (and I’m guessing your father’s or her partner’s spot as well) to her nephew and his partner but didn’t.
The cousin might also be a jerk if he assumed that you would automatically give up your bed, and he and his partner could’ve easily booked a hotel since they were coming in as a surprise and knew that not having a bed would be a risk.” xaledonia
1. AITJ For Not Inviting My Unreliable Nephew On Family Trips I Pay For?
“For the last 20ish years, I’ve planned a family trip.
I love to travel and this is a way to include my siblings and their children (10 people) in my passion and a fun way to spend time together. I cover the cost of the tour and transport to the destination and they cover the tips/incidentals.
So far, we’ve gone to Turkey, South Africa, Vietnam, Croatia, Panama, Mongolia, and Iceland. It’s typically about $4000-6000/person and requires months/years of planning and budgeting. I poll the family on their availabilities about 18-24 months prior to the planned trip.
My nephew (late 20s) has RSVPed yes for the last 4 trips, only to back out at the very last minute (the week prior) such that I can’t recoup the cost of his fare, and the reasons he doesn’t make it are never acceptable for a travel insurance claim.
(work emergency (he’s an accountant), friend’s wedding, concert tickets, high school 10 yr reunion)
I’m currently planning a Galapagos cruise for October 2026 and decided not to extend the invite to my nephew because he’s so unreliable.
Now most members of my family are outraged and, though not actually boycotting the trip, incessantly vocal on their displeasure at my ‘targeting’ my nephew.
I’ve tried to compromise by requesting that he give me a deposit with the plan that I return it if he actually comes but this only seemed to make people angrier. I mentioned canceling the entire thing and now only my younger sister is speaking to me.
She tells me that the family is in uproar about my “selfishness” and discussing “writing me off permanently” if I actually cancel the trip. I’m in tears and just don’t know what to do. I love my family.
Was it a jerk move to exclude my nephew?”
Another User Comments:
“So in the last four years, your nephew has wasted somewhere between $16k and $24k of your money and no one in your family thinks there’s anything wrong with that? They clearly think you have endless amounts of money and feel entitled to it.
I would absolutely refrain from planning further vacations for them since they are treating you so badly. His parents should be mortified that he has repeatedly done this and offered to cover any nonrefundable costs since he has not had the grace to do so himself.
You are definitely NTJ. How does your family treat you when you are on these vacations? How do they treat you over the course of your day-to-day life? Their current behavior does not trend with people who are appreciative and gracious. It would align more with people who are selfish and entitled.
The issue for your nephew is that he has no skin in this game. He did not find out about these conflicts the week before, he just didn’t tell you about them. Sounds like when it came down to it, he just didn’t really want to go on these trips.
Does he not realize you incurred nonrefundable costs? Did he accept the invitations or did his parents accept on his behalf without consulting him? If they accepted on his behalf, maybe they are reacting poorly now out of guilt because this is actually their fault, not their son’s.
Assuming you still want to go on trips with these people, I would talk to him directly and explain all the costs incurred on his behalf over the past several years. Tell him that you will include him this year if he pays last year’s non-refunded costs.
Tell him the date he has to let you know if he intends to back out. After that point, he won’t be invited again unless he pays those nonrefundable costs. And by the way. This is all very disrespectful and not how you should treat someone who is giving you a free vacation.” Human-Obligation3621
Another User Comments:
“Of course NTJ. “I poll the family on their availabilities about *18-24* months prior to the planned trip. My nephew (late 20s) has RSVPed yes for the last 4 trips, only to back out at the very last minute (the week prior) such that I can’t recoup the cost of his fare.” What your nephew does is totally unacceptable.
More so because you’re taking the financial hit each time. Despite that, you’ve even been reasonable enough to suggest a compromise re him paying a deposit. “She tells me that the family is in uproar about my “selfishness” and discussing “writing me off permanently” if I actually cancel the trip.” This is a massive projection.
You’ve done a lovely thing in planning/paying for these trips. You’ve kept inviting nephew despite being out thousands of dollars. Let them pay for him & see how it feels to have their money sluice down the drain. The way your family is treating you is bluntly, disgraceful.
They don’t deserve you & I’m so sorry you’ve been hurt over this.” Apart-Ad-6518
Another User Comments:
“Let me get this straight… you plan, book, and PAY FOR an insanely huge family vacation every year. There’s one person who always wastes your money, you don’t want to waste money on them, and now your family is saying if you don’t CONTINUE to pay for the insanely expensive vacations, they will disown you?
Your family sucks. They’re, at best, entitled. At worst, abusers who are using you for your money and ready to dump you the moment you aren’t useful to them anymore. NTJ, tell them you won’t cancel the trip, but everyone can pay their own way.
When they threaten to cut you off, say, “Nice, saves me the cash.” Bunker_Rodz
But I am honestly intrigued as to whether or not it's an Alestorm shirt...