People Don’t Leave Anything Out In These “Am I The Jerk?” Stories
21. AITJ For Wanting My Husband To Address Our Friend's Inappropriate Behavior?
“I (female, 35) and my husband (male, 40) have been friends with another couple that we met through our kids at school. Recently, I’ve been feeling uncomfortable due to the behavior of my friend (female, 38). She has a personality that craves attention and has been making comments about her body that are obviously untrue (like, being fat and ‘having a huge butt’).
During a recent get-together at their pool, while we were all a bit tipsy and playing beer pong, my friend made several inappropriate gestures towards my husband. While she also does similar things to me, it is starting to make me feel uncomfortable. I don’t see her exhibit these behaviors towards anyone else.
Not sure if they are just incredibly comfortable with us or something? I am aware that both she and her husband have a raunchier-than-normal sense of humor, which to be fair, so does my husband but it seems like this is happening more often and she even jokingly called my husband ‘daddy’ when he purchased something for our group the other day.
I discussed my feelings with my husband, questioning his reaction to her behavior, which led to an argument between us. We haven’t spoken for two days now and I’m unsure how to address the situation. I do value our friendship, especially since our kids are in the same small class, but I find myself wanting to distance myself from this couple due to the uncomfortable situation.
So, am I the jerk for wanting my husband to say something to her or to tone down the behavior? Any advice on how to navigate this situation would be greatly appreciated.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Ask your husband how he’d feel if your friend’s husband acted like that.
This should be the wake-up call for him to apologize to you for devaluing your feelings and immediately getting distance from the other couple. But if, instead, he starts making excuses, saying it is all in your head, you’re exaggerating, you’ve no sense of humor, you’re offending him with your lack of trust in him and your friend, there, you have the answer.
And you should run. And oh, you say “I do value our friendship”… nothing to be valued there, she is not your friend and neither is her husband with his raunchier sense of humor.” Artistic_Thought7309
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, That’s inappropriate behavior of your friend.
Maybe talk to her about it too. It sounds like one of two things is happening with your husband. Either he likes it when she does that and is upset that you want it to stop. Or he doesn’t know how to stop that behavior without insulting her or making a situation awkward.
Is he a people pleaser? Distancing yourselves from this family for now sounds like a good idea regardless.” Prudent_Fold190
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, you’re trying to establish boundaries about something that makes you uncomfortable and you’re being blown off. if you’re comfortable with her husband, I would reach out to him first to see if there’s a way you can approach this with her as she would probably have an extremely negative reaction to you saying something to her if she’s that level of attention-seeking.
BIG BIG red flag that your husband doesn’t see anything wrong with what’s happening and is disregarding your feelings about it.” Professional-Bad-820
20. AITJ For Not Allowing My Step-Nephew To Spend Time At My House Due To His Bad Behavior?
“My brother Nick (35m) is married to Rachel (34f) and is stepdad to her son Colton (9m). Rachel and her ex split custody of Colton so he’s at their house 50% of the time and the other 50% he’s with his dad’s family.
Something that is kinda relevant is Nick does not play an active parenting role in Colton’s life. He’s basically the backup, the fun uncle figure, but parenting is only between Rachel and her ex and Nick is not allowed to discipline Colton or handle parenting matters.
So I have been dealing with Rachel alone on this issue.
I have two boys. My oldest is 8 and my youngest is 4. Because my oldest and Colton are so close in age Rachel wanted them to spend as much time together as possible and she asked if we could take Colton after school in an informal agreement.
We had agreed he could come to my house until 5 pm but when it came into practice, he would be here until 7 pm or later and Rachel never picked Colton up before then even if I called.
Colton was taught that if you’re in a family member’s home you can take what you like and don’t have to ask.
So while he was in my house he ate and drank so much of our stuff. In one day before he drank an entire 6 pack of Sprite that he went outside to get a big share bag of Doritos, three chocolate bars, a bag of gummy candies and cookies I had left out of the way for later.
I spoke to him and said he should ask before taking in the future and he told me he didn’t need to ask and his mom said he should eat when he wants to. I talked to Rachel about this and she scolded me for bringing this to Colton at all.
She said if it’s in my house he should be able to eat or drink as much of it as he likes.
There was also the added fact that he was here for dinnertime and I couldn’t just let him sit there day after day and watch us eat so I started making enough for him too but then he’d take the things he liked off my sons’ plates and he’d leave what he didn’t like (veggies and meats usually unless nuggets).
Again this was a conflict with Rachel because I told Colton not to do it and tried to make him apologize. Colton told Rachel about it and she was mad at me for trying to discipline her son.
I tried for a few weeks but it wasn’t working so I pulled the plug on him being here.
And now I say no and I have told her he can’t spend time at my house anymore. Rachel told me if he was my real nephew I wouldn’t dismiss Colton so quickly. She also told me I’m taking my issues with her out on him and he’s sad he can’t spend time with his bestie cousin anymore.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Have you gone to her house and emptied her fridge, freezer, and pantry yet? (On a week the kid is with his dad.) Since you are family you don’t have to ask and can take whatever you want, right? Or at a family event, wait until she has a plate of food and just take it off her?
Because family, right? She is ridiculously entitled AND refusing to parent her ridiculously entitled child. He is far too old to be acting that way. Just how much was she paying you for the after-school child care? How much extra for the additional 2 hours a day that she was late picking up her child?” Heeler_Haven
Another User Comments:
“Wow Rachel’s a freeloader. You’re not parenting him or disciplining him other than telling him rules in your own home, which he’s supposed to follow. She’s raising an obnoxious child. You’re telling me what’s going on and she’s laughing it off saying oh he can grab whatever he wants that’s in your house.
That’s not how it works. You did the right thing and she’s trying to guilt you. If she will not abide by the hours and keep leaving him there on purpose to get free dinner, of course, tell her he can stay. It’s $50 a day for food and babysitting.
And if she ever brings up the real nephew nonsense stuff, tell her, if he was my real nephew I could tell him not to do things and not get yelled at about it. Since you want me to treat him differently I have to.
She can argue all she wants, but when you take advantage of a good person’s generosity you get to the breaking point. There is usually no going back. NTJ.” Even_Enthusiasm7223
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – I’ve done that before to a niece. She is rude, grabs things, is rude to adults, etc. She’s 11 so not too young to know better.
One time I corrected her and her mom tried to go off on me. I just told her that I am not there to teach her kid manners, she should teach her and I am not part of her “family team” as she calls it.
I also let her know that I told my child that if someone is rude/mean to her, she has a right not to engage with them and no longer play with them, regardless if they are cousins or not. That kind of freaked her out because, surprise surprise, her kid has no friends.
She’s a bit better now but still rude.” SDRAIN2020
19. AITJ For Demanding Payment To Babysit My Younger Siblings Regularly?
“I just turned 14 and no longer require a babysitter to stay home with me and my little brother and sister (5/7).
I have a step-sister who never once babysat us. She is 20 and off for the summer. She isn’t working and her dad is paying for her to go to Europe for two weeks.
My mom and dad are making me babysit now. Which I do not have a problem with. I even took the babysitting course. But they won’t pay me. They said it’s my job as a big sister. My stepdad even said it’s how I earn my keep.
I asked why Danielle never had to babysit us? And how the littles are going to earn their keep since I know they won’t be having more kids. I actually know why Danielle didn’t have to babysit. They tried and she called her mom to come get her.
It was a huge fight.
So I have just made sure the littles are safe and not much more. I don’t help them with homework or keep them away from screens. Last weekend I let them watch Infinity War with me.
I got in trouble for not being responsible and doing a bad job.
I said people with jobs got paid. They said I had to do it properly or I would be in trouble. I said that they could always just pay our old babysitter and leave me out of it.
They decided to pay me but they aren’t happy.
My dad set up an account for me and I put my money in there.
My mom said I’m causing problems where there don’t need to be any. She says her husband supports us. I said I would do it for free if she gave me all the child support my dad pays.
That didn’t go over well.
I don’t think I’m wrong but maybe I just don’t understand their view.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I don’t think you’re wrong, either. When my son was your age, I might ask him to make sure his little sister (she’d have been 8 then) was ok while I ran to the store, and not think that needed payment, but to babysit on a regular basis?
Yes, if they are asking you to do this you absolutely should be paid. The “earning your keep” statement was ridiculous. Are you going to be in charge of them all day, 5 days a week, during summer break? Definitely you should be paid for that.” Own_Lack_4526
Another User Comments:
“You are 14, not the parents of your siblings. “Earning your keep” isn’t relevant here as they are required to care for you. If they want to use words like “earn your keep” then they better be paying you for it. Do they want to teach you to do labor for free?
Again, you did not have these kids, you are a kid yourself and they are REQUIRED to take care of you. Put that money in some HYSA or some stocks and let it be (assuming it’s legal for you to do so). NTJ.” 2012DOOM
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. No parent should tell you that you need to “earn your keep” – this isn’t the 1800s. Reminding you to pitch in around the house is one thing, but they’re basically guilt-tripping you for existing. It’s their responsibility as parents to care for their own children and that includes you.
No child is required to earn a roof over their head; that’s supposed to be unconditional and the suggestion that you would not have security if you don’t babysit is absurd and wrong. Babysitting is not your responsibility and they should be grateful to you for doing so and saving them the money.
You didn’t sign up for this and if it’s demanding your time then you should be fairly compensated.” Mossy_Heart
18. AITJ For Refusing To Adjust My Kids' Custody For My Ex's New Long-Distance Relationship?
“My (40F) kids’ father (45M) got a new partner in Canada. We were together for 12 years and separated last year. Rocky days.
We have shared custody of the kids (8M and 10F) on a 2-2-3 days schedule when he works normal hours, but sometimes he has to work irregular 12-hour shifts as he is a security guard.
When that happens, I have to have the kids and we then adapt the schedule so that he can have them more on his days off, keeping the 50-50% custody.
The kids don’t like to spend a lot of time without seeing one parent and we agreed that this plan was for the best, even though he was always more inclined to go for a 2-2-5-5 schedule.
He now has a partner who lives in Alberta, Canada (we are both from Oregon), so he’s been traveling up there every other month, one week every time. She doesn’t come. The kids stay with me when he’s away, which already was a battle because he wanted his 78-year-old mother to take care of them while he was away so I wouldn’t see them more than he would.
Now he wants to change the custody so that when he leaves, the kids can stay with me BUT they have to stay with him for the same continuous amount of time when he gets back.
I refuse. The kids have made it clear that they don’t like spending long stretches of time without seeing me or their father.
He chooses to leave, that’s his thing, but I don’t see why the kids would have to also be separated from me for a week just for the sake of the 50-50.
I’m ok with having the kids with me when he’s not there, they’re my kids and I enjoy my time with them, so I don’t mind if I have them more.
I feel like he should choose the moments when he visits her that have the least impact on his time with the kids and that I shouldn’t have to be even more flexible because he chose a partner from a different country.
On the other hand, I’m wondering if the kids will be badly impacted by my decision in the long run because it will in fact mean that they be with me 18 days more per year (until she comes to live in the US).
So, AITJ for refusing to adjust the calendar?
Note: I have a better income and I give him a 4000$/yr stipend, so he cannot be afraid that I will ask for money if I spend more time with the kids.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. He is CHOOSING to not have the kids during his custody time.
He knows that they don’t want such long stretches without seeing the other parent, but he thinks what he wants somehow matters more than what they have clearly stated they want. Odds are decent the kids will relax into the separation once they’ve had more time to get used to it (it’s only been a year, after all), but by “forcing” the long separation from him every couple of months, he’s not giving them the time they need to acclimate and is likely adding to their stress/anxiety which is going to make them cling even harder to routine and seeing each of you often.
His partner could come here at least for alternating visits or he could do shorter visits, at least until the kids feel comfortable and “safe” enough to go to a 2-2-5-5 schedule. He’s really rushing things from their perspective, and it’s going to cause other, potentially bigger, problems.” ProfPlumDidIt
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You guys have a court-ordered parenting plan. He doesn’t get to just change the agreement at his whims. Your children don’t want to be away from one parent for that long, and he’s choosing to force that on them, but you don’t have to do the same.
If he wants to change the agreement he can pay to take it back to court, but I highly doubt a judge will rule in his favor to accommodate visits to his long-distance partner. And as a side note, 18 days more per year is really not a significant difference in parenting time.
I think you’re doing the right thing for your kids by taking into account their feelings on long stretches without seeing one of you.” Fun-Rip-4502
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. The entitlement of men. If he’s that worried about his time with the kids, then he needs to prioritize them.
The fact that she doesn’t come visit here is really telling honestly. And in the course of a year, 18 days isn’t enough to justify adjusting custody. Here in Indiana, we have what is colloquially called “first right of refusal”. Which means whenever a parent (dad) needs childcare during his parenting time, he has to offer it to the other (mom).
This time is not available for any make-up time, which he is demanding. He can either go for shorter periods and not miss time with the kids, or he can get over himself.” FierceFeyreisa
17. AITJ For Refusing To Help My Stepbrother Get A Job With My Dad's Best Friend?
“I (16m) work for my dad’s best friend. He owns his own business and was best friends with my dad and knows me really well so when I started looking for a part-time job two summers ago he was willing to let me work for him.
He’s basically my uncle and I really love working for him. He’s got a great reputation for being a pretty awesome boss but he only takes a few teenagers on in the summer and he’s very selective about who he takes on because of bad past experiences.
He sees me as family so he gives my opinion on potential hires a little more weight. I don’t think he exactly bases stuff off me alone. Though I have more pull with him than a lot of others would.
My mom is remarried and I have a stepfather and a stepbrother.
Stepbrother is the same age as me and wanted to get a job for the first time this summer. My mom and her husband were really hoping he would get to work for my dad’s best friend. He really wanted to as well and he did like an early application thing for a position.
But in April my mom and her husband told me I needed to speak to my dad’s best friend and convince him to hire my stepbrother because he was guaranteed a job then. I told them I wouldn’t do that. My mom said she and Dad’s best friend never got along and it got worse after Dad died so she can’t do it.
I told her that’s not my problem and stepbrother had to go through the same stuff everyone else did. Her husband told me I got a job without any interview, etc. I said the difference is I’m family to him and he wanted me to work for him.
They said my stepbrother is family. I ignored that point and said I wouldn’t talk to Dad’s best friend for him.
He didn’t get a job with my dad’s best friend. He sent in the application and got rejected. Two others were hired instead. He was bummed and my mom and her husband were annoyed. They said they know I didn’t talk to him because if I had, my stepbrother would have gotten the job.
I reminded them that I told them I wasn’t going to do it. They said I should be helping my “brother” and be a better “sibling” to him. They told me it was a small ask and I had no good reason to refuse.
Mom threatened to stop me from working for my dad’s best friend over this.
I told her I just won’t work. Which annoyed her and her husband. My stepbrother got a different job but his boss isn’t great so that brought all this back up and I was reminded yet again that I was wrong.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It’s understandable that you’re in a tough spot with your family dynamics. You did the right thing by maintaining your integrity and not letting personal pressure influence your dad’s best friend’s hiring decisions. It’s important to keep professional relationships professional, even when family is involved. Your mom and stepfather’s reaction, while frustrating, doesn’t change the fact that you handled the situation fairly.
Stay true to your principles, and hopefully, they’ll come to understand your perspective in time.” Reddit User
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You did nothing wrong. You have nothing to feel guilty about. 1) You were right in not imposing on someone doing you a favor. Mom and hubby are wrong for insisting you do.
2) Dad’s best friend is watching over you out of love for you and love for your dad. That has nothing to do with step. 3) Step is not family to Dad’s best friend so there is no reason to do him a favor. Not sure why Mom and hubby think the family argument will hold weight considering #4.
4) I’m assuming he knew he was your step when he saw the application. So your “word” may not have overcome the fact that Mom and Dad’s best friend don’t/didn’t get along. 5) You did not bad mouth step so you have nothing to feel guilty about.” LouisV25
Another User Comments:
“You did nothing wrong. If you had gone to your “uncle” and asked for this, you would be imposing on him. Second, your reputation would be on the line with how well your step-brother worked. It is professional not to be involved in the process until you are asked to be involved. Your stepfather wants his son to be thought of as family by your “uncle.” That is nonsense.
He is nothing to your “uncle.” Your “uncle” has a relationship with you, not your mom, and not her husband. Your mom and stepdad are pushing you because you did catch a break. It sounds like you worked hard and tried to do well to show your “uncle” his belief in you wasn’t wrong or wasted. NTJ.” Aggravating-Pain9249
16. AITJ For Refusing To Give My Parents Photos Of My Deceased Brothers?
“I, 25, have recently been in contact with my parents after many years. My parents had 5 kids, two boys, then they tried for a girl but ended up with triplet boys who they didn’t want instead. They told us this “jokingly” every chance they got but I think it was true.
I lost my brothers when we were 16. They died in a car accident due to our uncle being intoxicated.
About two months later I got home from school to my parents in the backyard burning all of our pictures and baby stuff. They had completely cleared out our room leaving only my things.
I was only able to salvage one baby photo (I don’t know of who) and parts of baby blankets. I still don’t know what they did with their ashes. I probably cried as hard as the day they died.
The reasoning I was given was that my mother needed to let go of everything to move on.
My older brothers fully supported this. The crazy part is she still kept up photos of her brother who was the cause of everything which led to me shutting down. I hardly ever spent time with them from then on.
My parents and oldest brother continued on with life like everything was fine, they didn’t miss them and would never talk about them.
Only my second oldest brother would reminisce with me sometimes but as time went on even he seemed to forget them. My extended family also got rid of any pictures and refused to talk about my brothers for fear that my mother would get upset.
It was all in the interest of her mental health but no one cared about mine.
Then when I was graduating at 18 my best friend asked if I didn’t want to submit any photos of my brothers for my senior page in our yearbook since they were given in memory blocks in the book since we attended a k-12 school and all the teachers knew them.
After telling her what had happened she apparently got our entire class and the AV class to dig through years of video and photos from school events gathering everything they could find with us in it. Which they gave me at our pre-graduation party. I never shared this with my family.
I moved out the day after graduation and have barely spoken to them since.
My oldest brother passed away two months ago. I didn’t attend the funeral or reach out to my parents and then earlier this week my parents showed up at my door.
Demanding that I give them the photos and videos that I have of my brothers.
My mother was sobbing on my couch about how sorry she was and that we could go to therapy. My father seemed just as remorseful saying that my oldest brother’s death hit them hard and they want a better relationship with the last two kids they have.
I felt nothing for them. I told them no and that I would like for them to leave. I don’t know who told them about the photos but my phone has been blowing up ever since with random people berating me for treating my grief-stricken parents so awfully so am I the jerk here?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I’m sorry you went through so much so young. Your parents have repeatedly failed you and your brothers. While I understand they may be feeling remorse, your first duty is to protect your own heart. The fact that family is now giving you more grief makes me question how genuine this change in them is.
Maybe one day in the distant future you could send digital copies of the photos, but only if you feel it’s right for you. But for now, protect the photos, protect the memory of your brothers, and protect yourself. It’s what your parents should have been doing all along.” perfidious_snatch
Another User Comments:
“What a heartbreaking story. Of course you’re NTJ. You’ve stepped away for your own health and you have every right to do so. I’m no contact with the majority of my family. It’s hard sometimes. Not because I miss them.
I don’t. But because I miss having a family. What your parents did can be unforgivable if you think it is. Ignore the people who tell you “It’S fAmiLy”. No. Friends are the family you choose. Letting toxic people walk all over you is never required. They didn’t stand up for you or ask what you wanted when you had needs.
So why should you consider their feelings now? Do what feels right to you. Change your number if it helps. Get a new email address. Cut off any avenues of contact they abuse. Big giant hugs!!! This is difficult stuff. I’ve had the privilege of therapy and it’s helped a lot.
But it took years and years before I was ready to go to therapy. You stand up for yourself and the rest of them can stuff it.” fanofthethings
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. That had to be so traumatizing on top of your loss, I can’t even imagine.
I don’t blame you for not being willing to have a relationship with your parents. BUT… losing a child is about the most terrible thing a parent can go through. Their grief took a bad turn when they destroyed all the pictures of your sibs instead of just putting them away if it was too unbearable to see them.
So it compounded the loss. I’m so sorry. I suggest you make copies of the photos you have and give the copies to your parents. That way you’re showing compassion by doing what they ask, but without having to start a relationship with them again.
You can hand over the photos and walk away if that’s what you want. I’m so very sorry for your loss.” Global_Look2821
15. AITJ For Refusing To Share My Train Seat With A Stranger's Dog?
“I (31F) was traveling on a MetroNorth train from Connecticut to NYC. I found a large seat at the very back and, while the train was relatively full, I put my handbag down next to me because no one was going that far back and I figured I could always move it if someone came along wanting to sit.
About 20 minutes later, a man holding a huge fuzzy-haired dog in his arms came down from the other end of the train. He asked if he could put his dog next to me while he sat where he was sitting. I said no not because I did not want to move my bag but because I did not want to sit next to a dog without its owner or knowing its character.
I’ve never had a dog and would not know what to do if it started barking and misbehaving. I tried to explain as much but the man thought I just didn’t want to give up my extra space and called me a bad name because “seats are for living beings, not bags.”
AITJ? Would putting my bag somewhere else have changed anything?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Unless he’s a service animal, dogs are to be in some kind of container (bag, kennel, etc,) or securely controlled on a leash (i.e. leashed and sat in between the owner’s legs/out of the way of passengers).
Seats are for people, you can rest your bag and move it if a person wants to sit. I think it’s fair to assume this wasn’t a service dog? So he wanted to have his dog sit next to a stranger…you’re not the jerk for not allowing the dog to sit next to you because you’re right you don’t know the temperament of the dog and also probably don’t want to deal with dog fur all over you.” chaenukyun
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I have straight up paged the attendants to get overbearing people like that rude man and his dog away from me when I’ve been in those kinds of situations. I paid money to not be in those situations. The attendant is the one getting paid to fix those altercations before they escalate with other passengers being rude and harassing me.
I’m not obligated to put up with a toxic person’s entitlement. Neither are you.” DietrichDiMaggio
Another User Comments:
“Why do people think they need to bring their dogs everywhere and expect accommodations? I can’t stand dogs, I’ve been attacked by multiple and while I was out in public a few weeks ago I watched a random dog start mauling a random lady’s ankles.
(I say random because the two did not know each other at all) It was a small dog so I don’t think she was severely injured but definitely injured. The owners were elderly and just laughed and said “boy, her shoes really got you worked up huh.” NTJ at all.
I would say don’t put your bag on a seat on a busy train but it sounds like it saved you from having a random dog that was probably poorly trained by an irresponsible owner sitting next to you, so maybe it was your intuition.” Dugturt
14. AITJ For Confronting My Friend About Misused Money During Our Kids' Playdate?
“My mom’s friend, Emma, has 4 kids ranging from 13 to 2 years old. Two of her kids are the same age as mine (9 and 6) and we often have playdates.
One day she invited my kids to a local indoor amusement park while I had to work. My kids were excited to go so we set the play date up. She informed me that it’d be 20 dollars for both kids to go to this park.
I gave her 50 dollars in cash so it would cover admission plus arcade games or souvenirs my kids may want to get. I offered to pay for gas, but she politely declined.
The day of this event, I get a text from Emma saying the kids spent more than the fifty bucks, and asked me for an additional 30 for reimbursement.
I sent it to her without hesitation. Stuff is expensive. I get it. A couple hours later, she informed me they were headed back (it was about a half-hour drive away), and she asks me for ANOTHER 20 dollars to cover the costs for McDonald’s. I thought it was weird, but again I sent it.
Here is the part where I start to feel conflicted. I picked my kids up and on our way home I asked them, “how was your day? What did you do? Let me see the stuff you bought!” Etc etc. My oldest informed me they didn’t get anything from the gift shop because “they didn’t have any money”… I asked them about the arcade.
They said “Emma told them maybe next time..” I didn’t push the subject further with them, but now I’m left thinking “WTF did I just spend 100 dollars on.” My husband (Tim) comes home and I voice my concerns to him. Tim asks me where the receipts are and I inform him I didn’t ask for any.
WIBTJ if I ask my friend what she did with the money? I don’t want to be offensive or damage our relationship over 100 dollars.
My kids shared a burger and small fries. Emma’s oldest went to the arcade while the little kids played.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Did Emma forget that kids talk? “Hey Emma! You told me that my kids spent over the $50 I gave you for them on souvenirs and games, and then you asked for more so I sent it. When the kids came home, of course I asked them to show off what they got and tell me about their fun time and they said they didn’t get any souvenirs, play in the arcade, and that at McDonald’s they only shared a burger and small fries.
I’m sorry to have to ask, but what did all of the money I sent you go to if not the things you said they were for?” And see what she says.” fallingintopolkadots
Another User Comments:
“Sounds like she ripped you off. The same thing happened to me as a kid.
I was invited to go with a friend and her family to watch the older brother play his baseball game. The plan was to get Wendy’s for dinner on the way. (Now this was the late 80s so things were cheaper then.) My mom gave me $10.
At Wendy’s, I asked for a kid’s meal. The friend’s mom said I didn’t have enough $$. I was given a biggie fry and a cup of water. Back then biggie fries were $1. I don’t remember what my friend got. At the ball game, we went to the snack stand.
I was told all I had money for was a .25-cent blow-pop sucker. When I got home and my mom found out I was only allowed to spend $1. 25 of my $10, she was upset. Never said anything to the other mom, but we still talk about this story.
Some people are jerks!” ThisLoad7495
Another User Comments:
“That’s weird to me. You gave her a 50, she should have said you’d get change after, or if the kids wanted something, sent you a text and said “kids want this, you good if I spend the 30 leftover after the tickets?” When they wanted something more, I would have said “they are wanting ….
But they are out of money, you ok with that”. The fact that your friend felt entitled to spend your money is worrisome. Now, there are times when kids do forget what they have spent money on. But to spend $30 each and have nothing to show… a little strange.
I get not everything has receipts. But this whole thing feels a little off. Try asking for pictures and then mention what your kids said and ask about the food as they were still super hungry when they got home. NTJ.” Sunnyok85
13. AITJ For Threatening To Tell My Landlord About My Roommate's Unauthorized Renovations?
“I have been living with a couple of guy roommates for about a year now. We all get along just fine and we haven’t had many issues living with each other. Lately, one of the roommates, who has been feeling a little down lately, has all of a sudden wanted to make huge physical changes to the house.
He wants new ceiling lighting in the living room and his bedroom. New cabinets and a new sink. He even wants to extend one of the side walls where our laundry sits and make it wider so it’s easier to share. Mind you, this is all very expensive and costly stuff to be deciding on, but apparently, his dad renovated his own place and would help my roommate do it with little cost.
One day I came home to him tearing out the ceiling lighting in the living room and taking out all of the wiring. I asked what he was doing and he said that he had ordered discounted ceiling lights that were way better than the current ones and he wanted to get a jump start on replacing them.
I asked him if he had gotten permission from the landlords to which he turned around and said to me “why wouldn’t they want this change when it’s going to make the house better”. First, I believe you don’t make changes to someone’s property without asking them first. Second, he hadn’t even consulted with us first if we liked the change or not and now in the meantime, we have barely any lighting in the living room since he ripped them all out.
I told him that it was wrong and he needed to ask permission first. He, again, told me that his way was going to be better anyway.
Lately, this roommate has been going through some rough patches and he’s become slightly selfish over time but never to the extent of just making huge changes to OUR living space without consulting anyone first. I was upset at the amount of disrespect so I told him that if he continued I would call the landlords and let them know what he was doing.
He basically told me that even if they came over, they would see these changes are better and it wouldn’t be an issue.
I don’t know if I really want to call the landlords because I don’t want to cause drama but I hate how selfish and entitled he is acting.
I am moving out in a month and as long as he doesn’t touch my room then do whatever you want and I believe karma comes around in the future to people who act selfishly.
So AITJ?
My name is not on this lease, but the other two guy roommates are.
I live in a smaller room in the house that was supposed to be an office but was given to me as a bedroom so that they could lower their cost of rent, which the landlords were ok with as we consulted them about it before I moved in (I made sure of that).”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – that is completely improper and regardless of it being “better”, you will all be responsible for all costs associated with returning it to its original condition. The landlord would absolutely be within their rights to claim damages. He is being extremely reckless.
If anything, I’d immediately get him to sign a document saying he is alone responsible for the changes… to protect yourself from the landlord.
Just realized he’s messing with electrical too. That is WAY out of line. He is making unauthorized electrical changes without a qualified electrician?
Fire hazard and massive liability issues. Tell your landlord NOW.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“Tell your landlord immediately. The “improvements” might be better than what is there right now, but the landlord has no way of confirming the wiring is up to code or the plumbing won’t leak without tearing out drywall or waiting for a leak or an electrical fire or who knows what.
If I was the landlord, yeaaa, I would want a heads up. This isn’t like painting the walls a bold color without permission. If and when you report your roommate, he will definitely see you as a jerk. But maybe you won’t get evicted or taken to court to pay for damages.
I would be willing to make a roommate mad at me to avoid those consequences. NTJ.” YouthNAsia63
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – and add another vote for telling the landlord. So I’m going to take this from a different perspective. Your roommate is messing with unapproved wiring.
There is a reason that inspections are required. If your roommate improperly installs unapproved, un-inspected lighting, there is a high probability that it could cause a fire. If there’s a fire, people can get hurt or worse. Your roommate would be responsible for that. If you know about it, you are equally responsible for it.
If you don’t tell the landlord, would you be ok knowing that you could have prevented the harm?” litza5472
12. AITJ For Refusing To Share My Recipes With My Rude Sister-In-Law?
“I (34m) love to cook. It’s a passion of mine. I really enjoy cooking for others and making my own recipes.
Having kids with my husband (33m) made me decide to start my own recipe book so that I can better keep track of stuff our kids love lol. It’s also nice to think I could share it with them someday if either loves to cook like me.
My husband’s sister aka SIL (37f) and I got along really well for years. We occasionally talked about cooking but other stuff was more her thing and therefore “our thing”. Our relationship changed when my husband and I welcomed our oldest child into the family.
My husband believes SIL was jealous of our daughter’s name because she knew it was his favorite for a girl for several years and she did not get her favorite girl name with any of her three daughters. So she took it out on me because clearly I should have said no and made sure neither of them got their favorite girl name.
I can see that being true. I also think she maybe judges the fact I’m the stay-at-home dad, while my husband gave birth to our kids but became the working dad (he’s trans, hence giving birth).
Regardless, SIL has not been the same with me since and shows so much attitude!
She tosses regular sarcastic comments my way, she’s always slightly rude or demeaning to me now. She also insulted my cooking which she always complimented before, saying she had lied all those other times and it always made her feel sick afterward. I’m sick of it.
We hardly ever see her anymore because of this, so much so that I would consider us low contact.
For the last two family dinners we had with my husband’s family, I helped MIL out and did the cooking because she’s dealing with some bad arthritis symptoms now.
The first time I made a veggie stir fry and the second time I made a chicken curry. Food went down really well. SIL’s kids loved the food I made and she got super frustrated because apparently they don’t ever eat well for her or enjoy what she makes.
She alluded to this when she asked me to share the two recipes with her. I told her no. I suggested she look up recipes she thought were similar but I told her she didn’t get to be rude to me, insult me, and my cooking, and then come looking for my recipes.
She called me petty, arrogant, and mean and claimed I should “grow up.”
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If she asks again, remind her that she said your food made her feel sick, and that you can not in good conscience give her the recipes.
It could have been different if she hadn’t insulted your cooking specifically. Sometimes family tensions affect relationships, but food is meant to be shared and I cannot see veggie stir fry or a chicken curry being so secretive that you’re guarding them jealously for your own kids and no one else, even if she had been rude about other things.
Food could be something that heals those burned bridges. But she specifically insulted your cooking. She can do her own research. I assume she has functional digits and internet access. She said your cooking made her feel sick. She gets nothing.” rockology_adam
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. My BIL is the gourmet; his cooking is delicious. He loves cooking for my sister & their toddler daughter. Sister took up baking as a hobby. They’re letting Niece help out with cooking & baking, & she loves it. BIL doesn’t guard his “recipes” (he doesn’t write them down), but he’s shared a few with me when I asked & I’ve Googled some more (Sister is fiercely protective of her chocolate chip cookie recipe; people devour them).
BIL taught me to make a few things because I treat him respectfully. Your SIL can’t treat you poorly & expect something from you. Can’t have it both ways.” GreyJediBug
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, I love to cook for friends and family, and just food in general (born to be a hobbit maybe?).
If anyone asks, I happily give them the recipe. However, they generally ask after liking/loving the dish, not after theatrical gagging and insulting because their partner didn’t like something my partner and I do. It’s asinine to take that out on y’all. I do wanna know what the names were that she wanted that her husband vetoed out of curiosity alone.” _green-queen_
11. AITJ For Refusing To Reimburse My Ex-Wife After Our Son Accidentally Used Her Debit Card?
“I recently bought my 13-year-old son a Fortnite gift card. Apparently, when he was redeeming the card, he accidentally purchased 25 dollars worth of the game credits, using his mother’s debit card, which is saved on his computer for whatever reason.
I didn’t find out about it until she texted me about 2 hours after the incident, explaining what had happened, and that I now owe her $25. Which, by the way, she wanted me to immediately Venmo to her.
I replied with a few laughing emojis (which maybe I shouldn’t have) and said there was no way I was responsible for him making that purchase on her debit card.
She insists that it is my fault and that I should pay up. Am I the jerk if I don’t pay her the $25?”
Another User Comments:
“Ultimately it’s sad to see people co-parent with this level of contempt (on both sides). My parents didn’t do this, and I credit their maturity with our family’s ability to move past & rise above their divorce.
It’s your ex-wife’s job to control the use of her debit card. Nevertheless, this all transpired because you gave your son a gift card for online use, and didn’t (a) supervise that use or (b) demonstrate to him how to properly redeem it. Your ex-wife shouldn’t have hit you up for the money.
You should have responded by offering to help (figuring out how to reverse the transaction & re-purchase with the gift card, which can likely be done on a Google search & six clicks.) You’re both acting like jerks. Her request is absurd and responding with emojis is just as infantile.
Exercise some common decency and solve the problem instead of barbing each other about it. Everyone sucks here.” aemondstareye
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here for entertaining for one hot second the idea that your 13-year-old “accidentally” bought 25 dollars worth of stuff on his mother’s card and then fighting about it.
You shouldn’t have been rude. She shouldn’t have left her card saved on her kid’s computer to be an attractive nuisance. Both of you should parent your son and require him to pay the money back (immediately, if he has an allowance/savings that will cover it, or over time if that’s more feasible).” Scrabblement
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here. If her debit card was on his computer, he could make whatever purchases he wanted. You can’t be responsible for that. And she’s a jerk for trying to make you pay it. That said, it’s clear your co-parenting sucks.
Laughing emojis shouldn’t be used AT anyone, least of all your co-parent. My ex was always trying to get extra money out of me. I made a lot more than her, and I paid alimony and child support accordingly. But I would still pay for extra stuff for the kids directly, reimburse her promptly for out-of-pocket medical expenses, etc. It’s worth something to maintain the peace and not argue with your co-parent about small things.
In this case, I would agree to pay her the $25 with the understanding that it was her responsibility to keep her debit card info safe and you would not reimburse her again for a similar issue.” 1962Michael
10. AITJ For Not Wanting To Help My Financially Irresponsible Family With My Savings?
“I am 34, the oldest of 5, and am married with 1 kid. My wife and I keep our finances separate.
She knows I have money but I don’t think she realizes how much I have put away over the years.
My siblings, in-laws, and parents are awful with money. They buy a new vehicle every couple of years they can barely afford, and spend money on unnecessary stuff and vacations.
Recently my sister told me her car is 3 months behind and she keeps borrowing money from my parents to pay for it. My parents told me they maxed out their credit card and aren’t sure how to go about it. They didn’t mention the amount, my in-laws said money is tight, and are 4 months behind on their mortgage.
My brother says he defaulted on a $4k loan that sounded like a predatory loan.
It makes me sick to think about especially when they confide in me these things, and I feel like I should help them because I can but I worry about being taken advantage of.
I also feel like they put themselves in these situations, my parents have plenty of “toys” (boats, kayaks, 2x campers, etc) they could sell, my in-laws both drive very expensive SUVs including a new BMW X5. My sister put a whole trip overseas on a credit card.
I watch them spend money in shops. One has 4-6 Stanley water bottles because they want colors to match their outfit.
Meanwhile, I have everything paid off besides the house. I have $82k in savings, $250k in 401k. My income is very good and I think my family suspects that because they know what I do for work.
I was planning on continuing to save and buy a Boxster cash (obviously keep some leftover).
But my guilt factor is telling me I should help my family before getting a fancy car I’ve been wanting. I would hate for my in-laws to lose the house and have my nieces and nephews on the street or worse while I drive a new car around, I also (as bad as it sounds) don’t want anyone moving in with me.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. The fact that all your relatives are in debt but continue to spend money like they aren’t should tell you that if you bail them out now, nothing will change. And when they get in debt again, they’ll expect you to help again, and again.
Their debt is nothing new, you’re just now hearing about it. They won’t sell the boat and kayaks, they’ll still take lavish trips and buy new cars every few years. The best thing you can do is tell your parents to sell the toys.
Clue your sister in that the parents are just as broke as her so she needs to stop going to them. If your other sibs have nothing to sell, then say nothing. Have your wife speak to her parents, stay away from that.” Mentalcomposer
Another User Comments:
“NTJ with a caveat. Your parents and in-laws have the means to dig themselves out of debt, they just need to bite the bullet and unload some of their status symbol toys. The next time they mention the sad state of affairs have a list of remedial financial consultants suitable for their actual income bracket.
It’s up to them to cut back their spending and start living within their means. Your siblings probably have unaffordable status symbols as well but if you think they would be open to you suggesting financial counseling, suggest it and if they get on board wholeheartedly you might consider helping them expedite paying down their debt.
If neither is interested, you have no obligation to help anyone not willing to help themselves. This allows you to buy your expensive new toy without feeling guilty. But I think it’s concerning that you and your wife keep your finances separate with no knowledge of each other’s assets.
Why? Do you not trust her? Does she not trust you? Does this mean there’s no joint account as well? How are household expenses paid, or do you take the total of everything and divide by half?” Lhamo55
Another User Comments:
“Hi there. I have some family members who are the same.
I tried to help in every way. Giving them money to clear arrears, helping with missed payments. Years of it. I had to stop and back away because the reckless spending continued. You aren’t responsible for them. Don’t feed into it, don’t feel guilty for being sensible.
If you start with one then where do you draw the line? I also really think that they confide in you because they know you have money. If you give in to the guilt then it will not end well. They won’t change, they’ll get worse.
What I started doing when my family members complained, was mirror them. I let them know that they had gotten everything from me that I could give. I started to complain about the cost of living, I told them I had to get a new car on finance, I told them I was struggling….
They’re still buying new cars, still taking nice holidays… I tell them that I envy them. Best of luck with it.” ConsiderationDue2261
9. AITJ For Wanting My Sister To Sell The House I Helped Her Buy?
“I (27f) let my sister (37f) use my name to buy a house because her credit was all messed up because of student loans.
I originally got approved for a certain amount but she wanted more so paid off some of my debt (against my protesting because I didn’t want her to) with the agreement I pay her back half of it 2.6K over 12 months (which I ended up paying her back in 5 months after being late a few months giving her the money) and she sells the house or gets it out of my name in a year.
Well, the year rolls around and I ask her about her plans and essentially said she wanted to keep it for 2 years.
I was like no. I’m about to get out of the military and what if an emergency happens and I need to get a loan etc?
I can’t do that now because my DTI ratio is way too high because it’s showing this 140k house on my credit (120%), along with my car loan, and a few credit cards that I pay off in full every month. She had the audacity to tell me I don’t need to be getting loans but getting my debt down.
She then gave me excuses about me making her life a pain the whole time she had the house. Aka my being late a few months and giving her 2k after 5 months, put her in a financial bind this past year and 3 months I guess.
I also said I might want to buy a house in Germany because if I stay here I’ll be here for 5 years. Then she said I never mentioned buying a house before and now I want the responsibility.
I said I didn’t realize I needed to communicate my life plans with her to get approval. She said when it turns her life upside down I need to communicate it with her.
The thing is we had an agreement only a year she would have this house but now she wants to go back on her word so I need to plan my life around that.
I’m putting my foot down and holding true to the deal.
And then she hit me with well you can tell your niece she will be homeless.
I’m not throwing her out on the street. She has had well enough time to figure out a plan for the house like our original agreement, but she lied when she told me she knew what she was doing and she had a plan and everything would work out.
Now I need to adjust my life and put my plans and progression on hold because I did her a favor and she trying to take advantage
I normally don’t air my family’s dirty laundry but I need to know if I’m the jerk.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Sounds like you really went the extra mile here for somebody who’s basically an entitled, manipulative ingrate. You repaid her what you agreed & in less time. “…she sells the house or gets it out of my name in a year.” You didn’t make them homeless.
She’s doing that by not adhering to the agreement you made. Using your niece to guilt trip you shows she’s a jerk as well as a liar. Get legal advice if you have to. I hope you get this resolved so you can move on with your life.
Best of luck.” Apart-Ad-6518
Another User Comments:
“NTJ however you are being incredibly naive. The loan is in your name. Are you 100% sure she has made all the payments on time? Because all late payments go against your credit record. I would immediately tell her to pay you the rent, and you take over the mortgage payment.
Given her history, I fully expect that she will start being late on payments until September when her deadline comes up. She will use the excuse she needs to save for a new place. Also, serve her formal notice to vacate the house by September.
I would put the house on the market with the stipulation the tenant stays until the end of September. I think if you are not proactive in this situation, you will be in a bad place soon.” Oh_Wiseone
Another User Comments:
“I-n-f-o: did you use your VA home loan to get your sister a house?
If so, then you may not be a jerk, but you are a moron. I am not sure she even CAN get your name off the loan. Or sell. Those loans have so many rules, including that the home you buy be your primary residence for a period of time, that there’s a cap on the benefit and a thousand other weird rules that could constitute fraud on your part.
And that’s not even mentioning the “first-time home buyer” benefits that are just gone now. Before you pressure her to do anything further, check with someone who’s an expert in VA home loans that you’re not doing anything illegal or anything that will risk your future benefits.
Please reach out ASAP and figure it out. Mind you, that’s only if you used your military benefits to do this. If the answer is no, then NTJ, but still a moron.” Alternative-Job-288
8. AITJ For Wanting My Partner To Leave After An Unexpected Visit During My Exam Study Time?
“My partner and I both live in different EU countries, however, he just visited yesterday at around 8:30 pm without telling me he would do so beforehand. He has asked me whether I would be fine with him doing surprise visits, and while I generally am not against them, I made it clear to him multiple times already that he should not do them until July.
Just for context; he visited me in my dorm room. I am a medical student and have an important upcoming exam I need to study for. I really do enjoy his company and he even brought me an expensive gift, but I cannot help but feel not listened to in the sense that I clearly did tell him I needed space and time to study for my exam over the next 2 weeks.
AITJ for wanting him to leave tomorrow morning without having spent much time together at all?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. This is beyond whether you have exams or not. This is about him not listening to you, not respecting your boundaries, not respecting your personal space.
He brings you an expensive gift convinced that with that, he has earned the right to your time and space. He may be a great guy but in relation to you, he seems carelessly and selfishly invested. You can ask him to leave tomorrow morning with due explanations given respectfully.
And if he still does not get it, well, then you have a clear idea about the shape of your relationship in the future.” Artistic_Thought7309
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. This reminds me of when (a very long time ago) my SO at the time insisted on picking me up from a long-haul international flight and had planned a whole “surprise” evening for immediately after I landed. He got mad that I was jet-lagged and exhausted and didn’t want to go sit through a 2-hour orchestra concert!
(also an expensive “surprise” gift that he held over my head) All I wanted to do was sleep and he simply could not/would not understand that. The relationship did not survive. Your partner is being selfish. (btw, I refused to go to the concert) Same partner later got angry that I wouldn’t postpone a surgery and go meet his family instead, in case you’re wondering where behavior like this may lead.” MentalBox7789
Another User Comments:
“”Oh what a shame! I told you that I couldn’t do visits until July because I can’t do visits right now. I wish I could spend time with you, but I simply can’t. Let me know where you are staying and I’ll see if I can squeeze in some time tomorrow for breakfast or lunch.” You explicitly told him when you did not want him to visit.
He intentionally disregarded your wishes, and instead of being apologetic and providing an explanation for why he would be so disrespectful to someone he cares about, he brought an expensive gift, possibly to distract you. NTJ and in fact, he is very lucky that you didn’t already tell him he needed to stay at a hotel.
By all means, send him home with a clear conscience (and if he acts pouty, then you’ll know that he ignored your wishes intentionally in an attempt to manipulate you… If he is apologetic and doesn’t make any attempt to guilt you, then it was probably a misguided attempt to be kind).” DinaFelice
7. AITJ For Telling My Friend We All Dislike Her Fiancé?
“I (31F) have a close friend (28F) who I’ll call Tina. She’s been seeing her partner (33M) who we’ll call Matt for 2 years.
Matt is generally a jerk, flakey, and inconsiderate, for example not even getting Tina a present on her birthday because “she had enough stuff”. Great guy, I know.
Last week, Tina announced at dinner their engagement. I was horrified and talked to our other friends about it the next day.
They all hated Matt but loved Tina and didn’t want to hurt her, so they told me not to say anything.
I couldn’t do it. A couple of days ago, Tina and I had a planned lunch. My ability to stay quiet grew thinner and thinner until she started talking about the wedding, and I couldn’t take it anymore.
This is where I might be the jerk. I broke, telling her marrying Matt was a mistake. He didn’t care about her and didn’t deserve her. She blew up at me, telling me I ‘barely knew him’, that she was the love of his life and he of hers, and that I was a terrible friend.
I tried to explain that I was only telling her to save her from this marriage, and not to hurt her.
She said that just because I was ‘jealous’, I shouldn’t ruin her special day, and I got mad. I told her it wasn’t just me, to find someone who actually likes him, that we all hate him, and stormed out.
She called our friend group and told them what I said. I woke up yesterday morning to texts from all of them saying I shouldn’t have involved them or said anything in the first place, and I was a jerk. It’s starting to get to me, so AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ for speaking for the group when they told you not to. You can hate Matt, you overstepped when you involved the group. Now everybody gets to be mad at you instead of Matt (the real issue). You’re a great friend for telling Tina that Matt is not liked and why.
Tina wasn’t ready to hear that. What did you expect? For her to thank you and break off the engagement? Situations like this have to be handled delicately and you should always be prepared for the worst. Tina reacted badly to information she didn’t want to hear but then you doubled down and made it worse for everyone involved, now Tina knows her whole friend group doesn’t like her partner and that they lied (by omission) for quite some time about it.
Your congrats weren’t genuine and that’s going to backfire as Tina may not rely upon her supportive friend group…but instead may turn to Matt who you were hoping to get rid of.” EJ_1004
Another User Comments:
“NTJ — People too frequently sit by while the people they love and disrespected and poorly treated. Something needed to be said, unfortunately, it may be at the expense of your friendship with Tina.
Hopefully, she’ll wake up and realize that he may not be the person for her. It’s also sad to see how your other friends all agreed he was terrible, but chose to remain silent. Obviously, Tina is going to be hurt and respond angrily, and yes you saying something may not change the status of their relationship, but it’s better than remaining idle while she drives into a car wreck.” chaenukyun
Another User Comments:
“Light YTJ – when someone’s in an unhealthy relationship, as frustrating as it is, telling them they’re making a mistake – that they’re the problem, that they are doing something bad – never has the outcome you’re hoping for. The best thing you can do is to not stand by during the moments your friend is disrespected. Hold the partner accountable in the moment they do something bad.
Validate your friend when they feel hurt or taken for granted. Stay curious about the goings-on in the wedding planning process. Make yourself a safe space, a person they can trust to not judge them. Righteous tirade about how you know best for them – while may be true sometimes!
– never pans out. Their bad partner will be right there to use that to further control and isolate them from their friends. You definitely don’t have to be excited about the engagement, you don’t have to lie! But don’t put your feelings ahead of your friend’s feelings.” gecko189
6. AITJ For Reporting My GM For Wage Theft?
“I have been working at a fast food place. Last month, I was able to pick up work at a sister store, after the GM scheduled me for 4 hours for the entire week.
I’m supposed to be a FT employee.
When I was there, I saw that the manager wasn’t tipping himself out. When I asked, he said it was against company policy. Meanwhile, the GM at my home store had been making everyone include her in the division of tips if she was in the store.
I googled it, and not only was it against company policy, it was a violation of federal and state law. And it’s considered wage theft. The sister store’s GM suggested I report it to the DM. I did, and he said he would correct it immediately.
For me, this job was just to get some money coming in while I was job hunting. I recently started at a new position in an office, that has better pay and some of the nicest, most down-to-earth managers I have ever met. Which means, I could now afford to do and say something (I had asked the DM not to mention my name to my GM, but it would have been really obvious).
I had to reduce the hours I could work, due to the new job, so I obviously expected them to get cut down from FT, at this point. The GM texted me 2 days before my Saturday shift, asking if I would be in. At this point, it was a 4-hour shift. The day before, I get a text that the schedule has changed, and I’m now only scheduled 2 hours.
I asked her why, mentioning her dishonesty regarding my hours previously. I then ask her if this is retaliation for reporting her for wage theft. I mentioned the laws and the company policies she’d broken.
(I should mention that before this, she worked in a restaurant for over a decade, same state.
Very unlikely she didn’t know the rules.)
When the upcoming schedule came out, I asked more questions, including ones that specifically mentioned that she stole from everyone. Turns out, I’d been messaging the work chat this entire time. Whoops.
What was weird though, was that my coworkers started attacking me.
They said I was being toxic, and were acting like this was a problem specific to me. They acted like I was publicly taking “my frustrations” out on her. But they were the ones I was actually mad on behalf of – not that I ever said it.
I had only been there a few months, but there were long-term workers who had kids, who had to take up second jobs. This was their primary source of income. For the GM to steal from them, was just appallingly wrong. It might sound like I’m being ridiculous, but I viewed saying something about this, as a moral imperative.
But a lot of them are now getting angry at me, so I need to ask AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Call the DM and report the retaliation, just be honest, that since the wage theft was reported, you have been facing retaliation from the GM and some of the employees at the store.
A good DM, or one who just wants to protect the company, will get that GM sorted real quick.” PenBoom
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and I think you’re a rockstar for what you did! There’s so much toxicity that goes unpunished in jobs like that, and you did the absolute right thing by exposing your GM for what they were doing.
Your coworkers sound like legitimately insane, unwell people and I can’t wrap my head around the logic that you’re bad…for exposing your manager from stealing from you and your coworkers? NTJ, your coworkers are delusional.” WiseOldBMW
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. You started off handling the situation perfectly then went flying into unprofessional. You alerted the DM, the DM said they would handle it and they did.
You say you don’t need the job anymore, and that’s why you spoke up. You then put your coworkers in an awkward position attacking the manager (over something that is being/was handled through the proper channels) by saying all that in the group chat.
You will not last long anywhere, blasting this kind of stuff around your workplace no matter how wrong management is. You handled it and there was no reason to say more. Completely unprofessional and unnecessary on your part. You were being toxic because they need this job.” [deleted]
5. AITJ For Refusing To Go Out To Lunch With My Friend Until She Pays Her Half?
“My friend and I are both teachers at the same community college and occasionally grab lunch together on break.
I like her but I’m feeling annoyed that she never picks up the tab when we go out.
She will order multiple courses with drinks and not even pay for just herself. She always runs to the bathroom or has to take a phone call once the bill arrives.
I let it slide the first few times but one time I told her it’s her turn to pay and she said she forgot her wallet.
I paid then told her I enjoy her company but I cannot continue to do lunch with her if she won’t contribute to it.
She apologized and agreed next time it’s her turn. Next time came and at the end of the meal she started texting frantically and told me there was an emergency at home with her dog and she needed to leave right at that moment.
Later I texted her to ask how her dog is (not well, unfortunately) and sent a digital request for the price of half the meal (not in the same message but around the same time).
This upset her and she let me know it’s insensitive of me to ask her for money while she is caring for her sick dog.
I apologized and left it alone but it’s been two weeks and she has not sent her half.
Today she texted asking if I want to go out to lunch and I responded I could if she sent the previous payment request. She ignored it and avoided me at lunchtime
I don’t want to throw away a friendship over a few euros but I’m feeling like her lunchtime sugar momma. Am I the jerk for refusing to go out to lunch with her again until she sends me her half?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She’s deliberately taking advantage of you. And since this has been going on for weeks, I’m sure it’s added up to more than “a few euros.” One thing I’d do with deadbeats like this is to only bring enough cash to pay for myself when I go out with them.
But I don’t think I’d care to be friends with this person.” stroppo
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but also… just don’t pay for her? Like ask for separate checks at the beginning or go somewhere you pay when you order. Just because she got up to take a call or to the bathroom doesn’t mean she can’t come back for her bill, like she would if she was eating by herself.
She just wants free lunch from you, and she got it way too many times. She was never your friend.” 1568314
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – but what friendship? I can’t imagine going out with her is any fun, especially since you’ll be stuck with the check.
You can try asking for separate checks and when she does a runner give the establishment her contact information- other than that find a new friend. I’m sure she’ll just move on to the next victim ” Ok_Homework8692
4. AITJ For Telling My Pregnant Future Daughter-In-Law To Clean Up Or Move Out?
“My son and his partner have been together since college. They graduated last year and are 22 and 23.
They used to share an apartment but soon found out she was pregnant. I was not happy when they informed me. I knew they could not afford it, but they wanted to keep the baby. They also are planning a quick wedding soon.
Soon after they asked to move into my home.
It is a large home with plenty of space. They wanted to save money for the baby. I made it clear they will need to do chores and buy their own food. They agreed and are so messy. I have talked to both of them before and they keep telling me they will do better.
My son has been traveling for a job and it became clear that she is the one being a mess. In short, she is a slob, she leaves dishes out constantly, her stuff is all over the house, and her bathroom is so gross.
I have talked to her over and over again, I have talked to my son and he has talked to her.
She is 8 months pregnant and her excuse is she cannot clean… well she hasn’t been cleaning since she moved in 6 months ago.
I came home with groceries and tripped over her shoes. I had enough. I told her that she isn’t giving birth to Jesus and if she doesn’t clean then she can get out of my house.
She started to cry and my son is upset at me. I reminded him that I am doing them a huge favor and doubled down on cleaning.”
Another User Comments:
“I’m going to reluctantly say NTJ because technically you’re in the right but really you should have dealt with this months ago, after she has the baby she’s not going to get to a full night’s sleep for months and she sounds like she’s high risk for PPD which yeah… Not sure what your living situation is but if I was in your shoes I’d divide the house up and put one of them or myself in an apartment and then just start charging them rent if they’re so messy it’s damaging your property.
Ignore the people that are going to tell you to kick em out. Don’t do that to your grandson.” Conscious_Hotel_5538
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. There are women out there who are (or were) ready to pop, taking care of a house and toddler on their own while working.
I personally know a few. You ARE doing them a favor. It’s not your job anymore to take care of them and definitely not your job to take care of their baby. While it is nice to have a grandparent that’s involved, that doesn’t mean a grandparent that is playing maid, chef, landlord, or part-time parent to adults and baby.
You gave them the conditions on which you’d house them. They are no longer following them. If you want to completely cover your butt because I don’t know what kind of people your “DIL” and son are, start doing things in writing. They have until X to clean up and continue to maintain their part of the house to a minimum standard or else they can no longer live in your home.
This is assuming they could actually claim certain legal ‘tenant’ rights in your location. However, if they decide to name their baby Jesus, I would have to laugh.” Beneficial_Local1012
Another User Comments:
“Maybe this is an annoying perspective but like… maybe she’s never had to clean up after herself and she’s just so oblivious to it… I know she’s been asked but she’s still so young and is dealing with an unplanned pregnancy.
We’ve been given no info about how she’s doing mentally right now. Is she even okay? I’m a full-blown adult and my anxiety was so bad with my last pregnancy, I felt useless. Where are her parents and support people? When you talk to her about cleaning up, how are you talking to her?
It sounds like you weren’t happy with this situation from the start… wondering how much that contributed to this arrangement not going well. She’s hardly an adult and in a really vulnerable place. I guess I feel like her side of the story would be insightful.” insomnia1144
3. AITJ For Not Wanting My Cousin To Bring My Ex To My Wedding?
“My cousin is currently seeing my ex, with whom I ended things amicably.
Although I no longer have feelings for him, I do not want him at my wedding, a day that is incredibly important to me. I do not want him there to potentially overshadow the happiness of the occasion. Additionally, their relationship is still quite new, and I worry that if they break up, my cousin will be glad that he is not in any of the photos.
When my cousin brought up the issue of bringing her partner as a plus one, I told her that she could not bring him. She became upset and tried to argue her case. Feeling frustrated, I finally told her that if she insisted on having him there, then I would rather she not be a bridesmaid or be there at all.
Now she is angry with me.
I understand where my cousin is coming from, but I feel that she is not considering my feelings and the feelings of my own partner, whom I also have to consider when planning my wedding. Am I in the wrong for standing my ground on this issue?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – it’s your wedding and you get to decide who attends. I think it’s fine for her to have asked you as you did end amicably with him but she should have accepted your no straight away as it’s your wedding.
If she comes back to you and says she is sorry and leaves the matter alone then you might decide to keep her as a bridesmaid. If she continues to bring this up and continues to be angry then I completely understand why you wouldn’t want her as a bridesmaid anymore.” louises1987
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You can invite who you want to your wedding. I wouldn’t want an ex I was friendly with at my wedding. My husband actually decided that would be a rule for us both when we were making our guest list. It wasn’t an issue of jealousy or any worries about the exes.
We just didn’t want to look out at the crowd while we were up at the altar and see someone we’ve had a romantic relationship with before. It was just nah. I’m not sure how you’re setting up your tables, but we’re set at the front of the room with our wedding party and their SOs.
So they’re in all our pictures during the dances, toast, and dinner. I would not want my ex who is a date of my bridesmaid and not in what seems to be a serious relationship (yet) in my pictures. I do see her side that she wants to bring her SO.
That makes total sense to me. But maybe she should just come as a guest and bring him that way? You definitely should have thought about this before you asked her. I don’t think she should be kicked from the entire wedding, but it may be more comfortable for all if she’s not in the wedding party.” Sometimesitsamonkey
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. This is your wedding and your comfort that matters, nobody wants an ex at their wedding that they’re not actually friends with. If she can’t grasp that it’s not about her then don’t even engage about it. Say, “I’m not allowing this to be an argument, I’m not having an ex at my wedding, I’m sorry, I asked you before you started seeing him, and really if you had been when I asked I wouldn’t have.
I’m truly sorry if you don’t understand this is a day about me and my partner and not your new relationship.”” sayitsooth
2. AITJ For Expecting My Paralyzed Partner To Help With Household Chores?
“My partner and I have lived together for almost 2 years now.
He never helps with household chores and even when we were working the exact same job the house always fell to me. I cook, I clean, I take out the trash and I go around and tidy the house every day.
Two months ago my partner became paralyzed in his legs and can currently not walk.
He still has use of his arms and is getting better every day but he’s tired and I know it’s hard for him. My problem is this: he was never a helpful partner before his accident and now I’m doing all the house things in addition to caring for him full time.
Even little things like “hey can you pass me that water glass” he defaults to “no” even though he is able to do that. If he does anything around the house he expects me to act like he’s doing me some big favor.
My main issue is this: my partner still has the energy to pester me for intimacy and constantly saying suggestive things and grabbing me when I walk by but somehow has no energy for doing housework that is still in his ability to do (no heavy lifting just small tasks).
I feel like I’m his mom not an equal partner to the best of our current abilities.
AITJ for expecting my partner to help in the ways he is still physically able?”
Another User Comments:
“So I’m going with NTJ. And I’m going to make an assumption here that I feel is pretty safe to make.
It sounds like you may have already been reaching your limit with him and possibly even began thinking of ending it and now that his accident happened you’re feeling guilty about leaving him because he’ll say you left because of his injury. Because yes you will be his primary caregiver.
I’ll just say this, that man could kill your best friend and he’d still say you left because he’s paralyzed. Saying this as a guy, you should either address this sternly. Or… leave because it most likely isn’t going to get better either way.” AppropriateListen981
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – I am a caregiver for my husband and my dad. I have to set boundaries. The idea is that they should do everything they are capable of. I am paid through the aged and disabled program. It is tax-free and considered not income.
$1400/month. Check and see if your state has the benefit! Also, you need to take time for yourself. I started hiking with my friend 1x a week minimum. People will sometimes try and get you to do everything. You need to enable him to do the things he can for himself.
Like I will pick my dad’s meds up and organize them into an organizer but he needs to remember to take them 2x a day. Ask him to do whatever he is capable of in terms of housework he needs to contribute. See what help you can get from family, friends, etc. Get into therapy yourself.” No_Produce_423
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You should have dumped him a while ago. Working the same job he should have been helping the same amount. You got yourself into this and now he has a legitimate (somewhat) excuse and you are going to look terrible if you dump him.
Here is my advice. STOP doing for him the things he can do. Do not fetch anything for him unless it would be impossible for him to lift. Get him a grabber for stuff on the floor. So like, he wants his dinner, he goes in the kitchen and gets it.
Don’t serve him. Likewise, put food like cereal and bowls and such on lower shelves so he can get his own lunch and breakfast. It might help to sit in his chair and rearrange the kitchen so that it is usable for him. Then stop helping him in there.
Whether he is with you or not, he has to learn to do for himself. People in wheelchairs learn how to do everything for themselves and can be completely independent in their own homes. With practice, he should be able to learn how to do most cleaning.
I would let him know now you are done babying him, especially since you have been doing it your entire relationship. ” Personibe
1. AITJ For Not Cancelling Part Of My Annual Trip To Move Into Our New House?
“I (35M) and my wife (31F) recently began construction on a new home.
Thankfully everything has gone smoothly and we are nearing the completion of the home. Our closing date is set and we are scheduled to get the keys to the brand new house in the next couple of weeks.
Unfortunately – I have a scheduled vacation the week of our closing date.
This trip of mine is a guy’s trip that is annual. Every year the guys and I rent a cabin and spend a Wednesday – Sunday board gaming. Our closing day falls on the Friday of my trip. What I plan to do is drive home to complete the closing and sign all the paperwork (it is only about an hour’s drive) then drive back to rejoin the rest of my group.
This trip was planned well in advance – before we ever began construction on our home – and has long since been paid for.
Here is the issue: My wife wants me to go on my trip on Wednesday and then leave my trip on Friday, canceling the rest of the vacation and not returning to the rest of the group.
She wants me to be present for the move-in. While I completely understand not wanting to move into a house by yourself – I have already gotten this taken care of. I have arranged for a friend of mine who owns a moving company to complete the moving of our stuff into the new home.
I have also arranged for TVs to be hung, mirrors to be hung, curtains to be hung, internet to be installed, etc. All of this is scheduled.
My wife is very angry with me that I won’t cancel my trip and I think it is unreasonable for her to ask me to cancel.
This is the one opportunity I get every year to get together with my guy friends to do something we love and it is important to me. I have tried to explain that to her, but she says I am leaving her hanging. Of course it sucks our closing was scheduled in the middle of the trip but that isn’t something I could help.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. She is asking for a compromise, not for you to cancel the trip entirely. Moving into the house you had built together is a big deal. You say your trip is something you love and is important to you, how important is your wife and how much do you love her?
This is setting the tone for how you prioritize her in the future. It is not about the details of setting up the house.” Katie_Rai_60
Another User Comments:
“You’re focusing on the fact everything will be moved, fitted out, and handled in your absence.
Let’s pretend that’s true and that nothing will go wrong and that your wife won’t have to make different decisions on the day and that it won’t be stressful. You’re still missing the fact it’s your absence that hurts.
That you’re sending the message that moving into the house you’ve built together, getting it set up and starting to turn it into a home, and spending that time with your wife isn’t as important to you as your boys’ weekend. A boys’ weekend you do every year.
That she’ll spend the first night in your new house alone. You’re telling her you’re not willing to miss part of just one of those boys’ weekends to experience this milestone together. YTJ.” embopbopbopdoowop
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. It sucks that these two things are happening at the same time, but your wife should take priority over friends.
Moving into a new home is a big deal and I get why she wants you two to do it together. She would be the jerk if she were demanding you cancel the whole trip, but she only wants you back for the actual closing and move-in.
I’d have more sympathy if this was some super special trip (like a best friend’s wedding), but a yearly guy’s week getting cut short isn’t that big a deal.” Born_Rabbit_7577
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