People Can’t Stop Debating These Juicy ‘Am I The Jerk?’ Posts
21. AITJ For Telling My Partner The Exact Amount Of Calories She Consumes Daily?
“My partner is on the bigger side, which is something I do not mind.
I am on the more fit side, I’m pretty lean, have well-defined muscles, and probably around 15% body fat. I used to be about 40 pounds heavier and lost the weight pretty simply.
My partner always complains about her weight and her body. I told her I found her attractive for so many reasons outside her body and it didn’t matter to me whether she got bigger or smaller.
Eventually, when she decided she wanted to lose weight, I offered him, and when I pointed out things she could be doing better gets mad at me. She isn’t losing weight currently and in fact, says she is gaining a few extra pounds.
I ask her what exactly she eats in a day, she says she eats healthy so she should lose weight.
I question that and the argument. I tell her that if she wants to show me, let me just spend a day with her and see what she eats in a day. She said only if I don’t make comments on what she’s eating as she’s eating it.
I agreed.
Now by the end of the day she had consumed, a plate of avocado toast that was about 400 calories, a coffee that was 110 calories, an 800-calorie salad from Chick-fil-A, and a fry (as a “reward” for the salad), and veggie burrito that was about 500 calories.
Along with snacking a bit throughout the day. Her total consumption was about 2200 calories.
At the end of the day, I explained this to her. My exact words were that the amount of calories she is consuming is the amount I need to maintain my weight as a man 5 inches and 20 pounds bigger, who is constantly active.
So chances are she’ll slowly gain weight eating like that and eating healthy isn’t going to guarantee she’ll lose weight.
She got super angry at me and told me I wasn’t helping her and was just shaming her. I told her I wanted to help her but she did not listen.
AITJ”
Another User Comments:
“I’ve learned from personal experience it never goes well when a loved one talks about weight/diet.. the best way is for this information to come from an outside source. (Has she tried any of those diet apps? Or could she afford a nutritionist?) Editing to correct: dietician is better (thanks to the comments below..
my brain typed the wrong word when I posted this)” Lower_Ground_Score
Another User Comments:
“I know you want to help but the way you went about it wasn’t what she needed. Ask her how you can help her. Maybe cook together and meal prep healthy foods.
Go on walks together to help burn calories. Ask if she is using any tools or would like help researching tools to help be healthier. Some apps or journals help track and encourage people to be healthy and lose weight. Let her lead in her journey and be there if she needs help and/or encouragement.
But don’t try to take over or tell her she is doing it wrong, that will just hurt her and make her not want to talk to you about it in the future.” needabook55
Another User Comments:
“The reason your input is a problem for her is that it was unsolicited. The fact that you had all this advice ready in your head, and chomped at the bit to give it to her, indicates you are not as fine with her physique as you claim to be.
You judge her for it and you couldn’t wait to make that clear. While you may be factually correct about her diet, you didn’t go about it in a very constructive way.” Independent_Prior612
20. AITJ For Asking My Husband To Set Boundaries With His Overbearing Family?
“Our family was scheduled to travel for Thanksgiving and our plans changed. My MIL decided 4 days before Thanksgiving that we should host at our home. Hosting included my MIL, her husband, my stepdaughter, 6 of his nieces and nephews, my BIL, and his new partner. All of these people coming to my home to stay.
My BIL (who has 14 kids by various women) lives about 7 hours north of us, while my MIL lives about 5 hours south.
When my husband suggested going to her house, she threw one of her usual tantrums. He gave in and said we would host. The plan was for them to arrive on Wednesday at 12 and depart on Friday morning.
Wednesday, they show up at our house at 9 pm. The BIL, & partner didn’t show until this morning, & they brought her kid. My husband was at work, so I spent the day cleaning & trying to keep the house entertained. It became clear as the day continued that they had no intention of leaving.
I contacted my husband & explained what was going on & nothing. Long story short, they’ve now decided to stay until Sunday. (It’s currently Friday night) They’re going out tomorrow but will be back tomorrow night. I’m upset because my husband should have taken control of the situation.
He keeps saying things like “So what if it happens once every few years”, “At worst it’ll be over on Sunday”, and “You’re never happy when they come.” I’ve tried to express myself, but he keeps saying This isn’t worth it to me”, it won’t happen again, and gaslighting me I feel.
He says he understands my feelings, but he loses either way in this. As he said, this type of visit is never exciting, but I’m always accommodating enough. I was prepared to host until Friday, not for this to turn into the entire weekend.
I want my space, my peace, & my time before jumping back into the world next week. He says I’ll have all day Sunday, but that shouldn’t be the case.
To put the icing on the cake, she brought my stepdaughter (18) up here with the expectation that she’s moving in with us.
She recently completed a certificate program in her hometown and they thought she’d have better opportunities here. We hadn’t discussed this at all but my MIL informed me that they have been working on setting up interviews for the coming week. I don’t mind her coming, but adding an adult to our household without discussion is unacceptable.
My husband tried expressing this, but it fell on deaf ears.
Am I the jerk for asking him to put down some boundaries and stop being a pushover?”
Another User Comments:
“ESH You because you’re allowing this to happen. Your husband because it’s not affecting him since he’s gone.
So he doesn’t care. And his family, because they made all the decisions without informing you. This is your house too. Tell them they all have to leave, today! Neither of them stated the weekend or the stepdaughter moving in was previously discussed with you.
This is unacceptable and if your husband has a problem with them leaving, he can join them. Not sure why you are allowing them to walk all over you in your own home. Your husband doesn’t have a spine and it seems you don’t either.
Either kick them out or go get a hotel until Sunday. Stepdaughter can’t move in until there is an actual discussion and plan in place.” EnfysMae
Another User Comments:
“NTJ for feeling this way. I hope you are not on a septic tank. If you are, after this, you need to get it pumped sooner rather than later.
You DO need to take control and do what your husband has not. There have been a few times when I needed to state house rules, say NO firmly, and be the chief jerk. I proudly take responsibility when I have to do that. YOU need to tell them all that they need to leave ASAP so the traffic won’t be so bad driving home.
Just thinking of their convenience you know. YOU need to firmly say NO ONE IS MOVING INTO YOUR HOME. please be firm and direct.” WatermelonRindPickle
19. AITJ For Refusing To Let My Negligent, Cancer-Stricken Mother Move In With Me?
“I (27F) was asked by my mom (57F) to move in with me because she has cancer and cannot work because of it.
I said no.
My mom and I have a bit of a tense relationship because growing up, as soon as I was able to do a chore, she stopped doing it. Meaning my brother (29m) and I had to do everything in the house by the age of 10.
That’s all the cooking, cleaning, laundry, etc. If we didn’t do it, it didn’t get done. She also does things that are very detrimental to her health, like smoking three packs a day and not taking care of her diabetes. Everyone around her told her to stop, including doctors, but she wouldn’t.
And once we got old enough to work, we paid the bulk of the bills.
I went away to college at 18 and came back for the summer. It was unbearable. It was back to the same thing, I did everything. But she was so hard to live with.
She was so loud without a care of anyone in the house. I moved out right after.
Throughout the years, she neglected her health to the point where she couldn’t work because she would neglect her diabetes, wouldn’t work to lose weight, and wouldn’t stop smoking.
She’d miss so many days she couldn’t pay her bills and would rely on us to catch her up. When we moved out, she just never picked up any slack.
Now she has cancer very likely due to her choices. She can’t work.
She needs a place to go. She asked my brother, he said no because he has a baby. So she asked me, and I said no.
If I say yes, it will affect my partner I own a house. We have 2 bedrooms but no space for her.
It would be miserable for both of us. But I also know she won’t change. And if she goes into remission, she still won’t leave. Taking her in now means taking her in for life and I am not ok with that.
My family heard I said no and they came at me saying I was heartless and abandoned my mom.
Living with her after I left for college was a major burden on my mental health. If I take her in, she will never leave. And I don’t want to have to evict my mom. She won’t take any steps to help herself, even when we do most of the work.
She will never support herself again because she knows someone else will do it.
AITJ for not taking in my mother with cancer?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – Tell any family who suggests you are abandoning your mom that they are welcome to take her in.
I’ve heard that being a caregiver is one of the hardest jobs out there. It is emotionally draining and physically exhausting, you’d probably have to quit your job. If you’re not emotionally in it you won’t be a good caregiver to your mom, and you’d be a jerk to yourself and your partner.
It is okay to prioritize your mental health.” nicold_shoulder
Another User Comments:
“No matter what anyone says do not take her in because I promise you’ll regret it for the rest of your life. It’ll break you, your relationship, and your mental health forever.
I do not care if they say you’re selfish. You did everything for her when you lived with her and she got herself here. She gave herself cancer. This wasn’t a sad accident or just one of those things where some people get it even if they’re healthy, she deliberately neglected her health for decades and this is no one’s fault but her own.
Do not take her in. NTJ” MoonSimpArt
Another User Comments:
“Wherever she is receiving treatment get in touch with their social worker and give them the lowdown. They should know she has nowhere to be discharged etc so they can start working on a plan before she’s out on the street.
Whatever government resources are available they will know. NTJ you seem to have a realistic grasp of the situation short and long term. She sounds awful. Don’t mince words with her, extended family, or the social worker. They may not want to hear it but they all know it’s true” Firm-Molasses-4913
18. AITJ For Banning My Mother-In-Law From Our Home After She Called My Autistic Son Weird?
“I’ve watched my in-laws (mother-in-law, sister-in-law, sister-in-law’s husband, etc) talk negatively about their family for years (including her autistic grandson who is now an adult). I usually say it’s not appropriate to walk away or don’t engage in the conversation.
I’ve told my husband many times if she ever speaks that way about our family, she will not be welcome around us anymore.
She’s at our house for Thanksgiving. She lives multiple states away and we only see her once or twice a year although she’s been discussing purchasing a house near us.
My son is a teenager and autistic. She is well aware he is on the spectrum. My son was in the basement running on the treadmill talking to himself loud enough for us to hear (which isn’t super loud because the stairwell from the basement to where we are is open space).
Mother-in-law said, “What is he doing?” I replied “talking to himself.” She said, “Why?” I said, “Because it makes him feel good.” She says “he’s weird.” No joking, no jest. Very straightforward. I told her she was weird and walked off.
I went upstairs shaking and told my husband what happened and that she was no longer welcome in my son’s home.
This is his safe space. He masks and keeps it together outside of these four walls all day every day. If he wants to talk to himself in his own home, he should not be subjected to judgment. Also, if she feels comfortable enough saying this to my face, what is she saying behind his back?
My husband said he would talk to her. I told him to ask her to leave tomorrow (it is dark and she doesn’t drive in the dark so she can’t leave today). He went and talked to her and came back up and said she realized what he’d done was wrong and was sorry and wouldn’t do it again.
He said that no one has ever called her on it before and she didn’t know it was a problem before and we shouldn’t just cut her off and give her another chance (this is false, every time she’s said inappropriate things about others family members I have told her it isn’t ok).
The fact that an adult has to be told it’s not ok to call an autistic child weird is pretty wild. I want to protect my children from her.
My husband is now insisting we discuss this right now and that I will be willing to work through this and not just cut her off (which I am not – I am saying she’s not welcome in my home).
Teaching her manners is not my responsibility. My son’s well-being is my responsibility. If she wants to work on herself, come back later to apologize, and demonstrate she won’t say things like that again, I will be happy to welcome her back. But until then, she is not welcome in my house.
AITJ for no longer welcoming her in my home?”
Another User Comments:
“You are between a rock and a hard place. You won’t accept your MIL being in your home, your husband won’t accept your MIL being banned. I wonder if it would be helpful to give your MIL some resources about autism.
I’m a teacher for an ASD classroom and have some resources that might help. The other idea is to have your son tell her what it’s like to have autism. I don’t want to judge your post. I do think this black-and-white take you have on the situation is going to cause resentment.
I think you have to find the gray. You are well within your rights to tell your MIL she will not be welcome in your home if anything like this happens again. While you’re at it, tell her to quit talking negatively about the rest of the family.
I can’t decide if she’s mean or incredibly obtuse. I am sorry you’re in this position. I’m all on the side of you and your son. I just don’t know if your husband will ever get there.” Aware_Welcome_8866
Another User Comments:
“Hmmm, it sounds like she is willing to have a conversation and apologize so tell husband you’re willing to have that conversation with her, not through him. See what she has to say. If you’re to the point of kicking her out you have nothing to lose by having the conversation.
Don’t let your husband speak for her. Hear her out. Is she sincere? Is she intolerant? I think you will make a lot of progress with your husband if she proves herself a jerk OR if she sincerely apologizes and shows some humility. Good luck ” Firm-Molasses-4913
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but I would talk to her and give her a chance first. I’m not saying don’t protect your son. My son is autistic too. You should give her a chance to do the right thing before cutting her off. I’ve been there.
My son has “weird” behaviours. He also has older siblings who call him names. I do my best to discourage/redirect/discipline them, but he has learned how to stand up for himself too. He calls himself weird and tells people he doesn’t want to be normal. I am his safe place, and I always have been.
Anyway, you don’t like her, it’s obvious, but for the sake of your family, give her one chance. If she continues, then you tried and are valid in cutting her off.” No_Nobody2274
17. AITJ For Calling My Mother A Toddler And Telling Her I Can't Trust Her With My Money?
“I (19F) went grocery shopping on Thanksgiving (yesterday) for the household, which I couldn’t afford, operating on the assumption that my mother would reimburse me the cost as she had agreed to before I left. I kept it under $150, as also agreed upon.
However today, she gave me only a portion of that money, and in the note, she left me notifying me that she had given it to me, implying that I had been lying about the cost to get more money out of her. I showed her my recent transaction history proving I wasn’t.
She then accused me of misremembering what she had agreed to; “I never said I would cover everything, I only said I would give you some money!”
(An important thing to note: she’s convinced I’m lying about everything because when I was younger, I had manipulated her various times out of desperation in an attempt to hang out with my friends and comb the city for extracurricular activities (my school didn’t offer anything I liked).
She was one of those crime statistics-obsessed parents who never allowed me to venture beyond a mile away from home regardless of the time or day; as a result, the nature of my friendships was shallow given that I didn’t have the opportunity to cultivate more meaningful bonds beyond the confines of school.)
Though the loss is admittedly small, I’m a broke college student on financial aid whose pay was docked this month due to my boss’s absence. Together, both my grandmother and I cover the majority of household expenses. Every dollar counts and now I’m in an even bigger hole.
But I was more upset about the fact that she’s gone back on an agreement, especially given how contemptuous she is of me for having done the same in the past. I told her as much and she predictably launched into a tirade about how I’m perpetually dishonest (I haven’t lied to her since the previously mentioned moments).
I said it was unfair for her to judge me according to (1) an amalgam of my worst moments and (2) continue to resent me for exhibiting developmentally appropriate behaviour that she’d reacted to in an immature manner disproportionate to the offense (stormed away, door slammed, refused to talk to me for 48 hours, accused me of “wishing she hadn’t been born” when I tried to explain why I’d felt compelled to lie to her).
I asked if she would berate a baby for crying in public or scream at a toddler for climbing something they weren’t supposed to.
I said if she’s too much of a toddler to understand why it’s ridiculous to hold a grudge against your child for doing something children typically do, it’s not my problem and I don’t care to waste my time trying to get back in her good graces.
I also thanked her for teaching me a valuable lesson: not to trust her with my money.
She stormed off to her room. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. OP you called it exactly like it is, complete with the toddler-like tantrum in the end. I’m surprised that she didn’t throw herself down on the floor wailing and beating her fists on the floor in a full-blown temper tantrum.
Do not trust her with anything at all! Why isn’t she working? Why is Grandma supporting her and enabling her? If anyone’s the jerk, it’s your mom.” FAnna-Banana
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Stop trusting her. Period. Also, why is she not working so you and your grandma aren’t supporting her, especially when you’re “a broke college student?” Don’t give her any money and insist on money upfront when she asks you to go to the store for her.
Buy your essentials, of course, but nothing for her unless she gives you the money first. Pay for your groceries so she can’t throw that in your face, too. Don’t eat anything of hers.” LoveBeach8
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your mother is extremely emotionally manipulative, emotionally abusive, emotionally immature, and was never fit to be a parent.
You will never have a healthy relationship with this woman. It’s better to accept that now and go to therapy if you can. Further contact with her will be detrimental to your mental health. She gaslights, deceives, and manipulates. The 3 big destroyers of mental health.
She is hypocritical as well. As a mother, I am deeply ashamed of this woman. You deserved far better. NTJ You were spot on with your assessment of your mother. You surpass people your age when it comes to emotional maturity and the ability to express yourself.
You should be proud of the person you have become DESPITE your mother.” Longjumping-Pick-706
16. AITJ For Calling Out My Nephew's Sabotage During Our Thanksgiving Board Game?
“A tradition for my family is that we play board games after we eat the Thanksgiving meal. This year we played Landmarks which is a word association and strategy game.
We were having a good time.
I (55F) was the guide for my team of my Nephew JC (33M) and his cousin CS (33F). [The other team was JC’s mom (56F), and two sisters (28F, 25F).]
I gave them a word that could only go one of two places on the board.
They picked the one I didn’t want. No worries because the next turn there would be only one option. CS immediately wanted to put the tile in the correct place and JC steered her away, arguing that I didn’t want them to go to the space CS wanted to and directed her to a different space.
Rinse and repeat the next turn. CS wanted the right space, and JC talked her out of it. On the fourth attempt, they put it in the correct space. I was so happy. Finally!
Then JC stood up and proudly announced that he knew that I wanted them to go there the last two turns but deliberately led CS to the wrong space.
Queue the stunned silence. I was the first to speak and asked him why. He guessed from my tone that I was not happy.
JC explained that I was “indicating” what I wanted with my facial expressions too much so to play “fairly” he “acted” like he didn’t know what I wanted them to do.
I responded that no, he didn’t. What he did was sabotage his team and gaslight CS. He could have 1) said something to me – but he didn’t. 2) he could have done nothing to steer CS to the wrong space, instead he lied and gaslit her.
I pointed this out again that if he thought I was being overly expressive then he should have said something. The right answer was definitely not to sabotage his team and to lie to CS. His mother of course started to defend him and attack me.
I let it drop but it’s still bothering me. I didn’t say it at the time but he came across as incredibly self-righteous and entitled – and proud, very proud of his conduct.
JC and his mother think I’m the jerk here for disagreeing with his ethical approach, wanting to play the game fairly, and calling him out for his behaviour at Thanksgiving.
Well, am I?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ, partly for misusing “gaslighting”, but mostly because you sound insufferable and self-righteous in your post. Normally it would be an E S H but if your post is trying to portray yourself in the best possible light, I can see why your nephew was proud for thwarting your game manipulation tactics and not giving you the easy win.
If you can’t take it, don’t dish it out. Maybe also don’t play competitive games.” Lovethemdoggos
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. You were telegraphing your desire and your nephew saw it. IN THE MOMENT he made a decision. Had he called you out on it then it would have affected the gameplay as well.
It may not have been the BEST decision but when on the spot like this with no clear course of “best” action we all make quick decisions that may not be the right one. You should have just laughed, said something along the lines of “duly noted” and moved on.
You escalated it unnecessarily and now here you are.” kraegm
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If he wanted to be fair, he would’ve kept his mouth shut and let CS place the tile. It’s clear he caught on to your facial expressions, but CS didn’t, so what he did was handicap his team without them agreeing to it.
I wouldn’t make a case out of it, but next time they want to play a game, just say “Not if JC is on my team, last year he intentionally screwed over his team”.” ncslazar7
15. AITJ For Leaving My Partner After He Blamed Me For Our Issues?
“Been with my partner for just over 2 months. It seemed things moved a bit quickly (possible love bombing) and was too good to be true. Anyway, I found out he has a lot going on with his ex and child- he’s in the right and I have seen the evidence.
I was willing to support him through this. Something happened and he got very snappy with me last weekend. I was a bit taken aback. He then accused me of ignoring him which I apologized for as I didn’t realize I was ignoring him- he then questioned what I was doing.
I tried to do a refresh with him. We had a nice night planned and he fell asleep. Then when I fell asleep he was wide awake. I woke up to him on his phone with lights on etc and couldn’t get back to sleep.
Morning things are a bit frosty.
At lunchtime, he falls asleep for 5 hours and I get an hour nap. He wakes up moody. Plan another chilled evening and again he falls asleep, the same thing happens as yesterday. At 2 am I ask him to turn the laptop down and he does, I say it’s too bright with the phone and laptop.
He asks and I say it’s too bright, I try to sleep. 5minutess later, I quietly get up and go downstairs to try and sleep. He messages me asking where I am and says downstairs. The next morning things were not good, we agreed to talk and blame the weekend on me.
I apologize and say I’ve been a bit short but so has he. He proceeds to say I’m blaming everything on him. I’ve not apologized for my actions. He said I ignored him and stormed off like a child and it’s immature to go downstairs, he didn’t know where I was.
I apologized and said I could have told him where I was but I didn’t ignore him and I quietly went downstairs.
He said I was justifying my actions not apologising and I should have said that I was sorry for being immature and childish and going downstairs.
I tried to tell him that he’s been off with me too and he wasn’t taking any responsibility. I was apologizing left right and center and he didn’t own up once. He was gaslighting me saying that he didn’t believe I hadn’t had much sleep, he didn’t say things that he did and I had so much anger.
I was raising my voice but not shouting. He was so smug. I gave him his key, said I couldn’t do it anymore and I was fed up with having to apologize and justify myself when he was taking no responsibility. Later on, I went into Netflix and he started ‘villain’ to come up on my continued watching.
I logged out! Did I overreact? I also had concerns with him not respecting my boundaries but put them aside.”
Another User Comments:
“Years ago, I was about to meet this guy for a nice date at a coffee shop kind of place. He messaged me and told me that he couldn’t make it at that time.
Two days later we were talking on the phone and he commented that we could have met earlier if I hadn’t cancelled the date! I messaged him a couple of hours later that it’s best if we go our separate ways. I always feel I dodged a big gaslighting bullet” Spiritual-Bridge3027
Another User Comments:
“Break up with him. Why are you even sharing space with someone you’ve only known for two months? Stop apologizing. If you have to apologize to appease someone regardless of the scenario you are not in a good situation. You would be the jerk if you don’t break up with him. ” incospicuous_echoes
Another User Comments:
“You’re not the jerk, please trust your instincts. This is not the man for you (or anyone probably). He will try to love-bomb you back into his life. There will be promises made and declarations of love declared. Do not believe him and please value yourself enough to step away from this and not get sucked back in.
Anyone who treats you like this (which is incredibly rude and irrational) is not worth having. He was projecting madly. Everything he accused you of, he was guilty of.” pixie-ann
14. AITJ For Being Hesitant To Accept A Car From My Stepdad?
“I’m 25 f and within the last month my car has been out of service gratefully I have been able to use my parent’s backup car in the meantime.
They recommended that I save enough money for a down payment to finance a car since we found out my car isn’t fixable like we originally thought. I agree that is my best option although I am slightly worried about being able to afford a car payment, apartment, and school in this economy, at least I would have a safe car for my child and me.
Quick backstory on my last car. My stepdad flips cars on the side for extra cash, and my last car was through him. We agreed on monthly payments and when I went to pay for the car he told me that he didn’t want money from me and wouldn’t accept my payment.
I was recently pregnant at that time and he told me that he wanted me to use that money towards my child I was extremely grateful and thanked him immensely. However, within months of accepting the car whenever he would get in a bad mood or upset about anything, even things not about me, he would bring up to my mom and other people how I never paid him back for the car and owed him money.
It made me feel like he was holding that against me to throw it in my face and he’s had a pattern of doing this with other family members, and my mom. When my mom brought it up in a family meeting about him yelling at her about me never paying back for the car he got super angry and said “We will discuss a price later” left for the day and never talked to me about it again.
Now fast forward to the present. He knows my car is unfixable and he randomly bought a car for me after we all agreed that I was going to finance a car. When my parents told me about the car I instantly got anxious, tensed up, and didn’t express clearly how I felt about it.
My stepdad left the room out of frustration, my mom following him. My mom came back crying saying how I was ungrateful and hurt his feelings for being hesitant on the car. After letting my stepdad cool down I told him in private my concerns of accepting the car because of what happened the last time I accepted a car from him and I felt it would be used over my head.
He acted like he never held my old car over my head and made me feel like my hesitations were unreasonable and not valid. He’s been upset with me since. Now I’m worried that I’m being an ungrateful brat but I’m also worried about taking help that has strings attached. AITJ for not wanting to take the car?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your stepdad’s got a history of using “gifts” as emotional leverage. He’s done this before and you’re right to be wary. Trust your gut and stick to your original plan of financing your own car.” User
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. True gifts don’t come with financial manipulation, strings attached, or gaslighting.
Decline the “gift” and go with your plan to finance your car. “Stepdad I’m declining the car. I’m going to continue with my plan to finance my car.” I’d decline simply because I won’t be responsible for a car I didn’t choose. It’s pretty presumptuous to think he knew everything you’re looking for in a car.” ApprehensiveBook4214
13. AITJ For Screaming At My Family Over My Brother's Chronic Lateness?
“I (16F) feel like I’ve hit my limit with my older brother (17M).
Over the past two weeks, I’ve had mock exams at 8:40 AM. When my dad is home, he drives us instead of taking the bus. You’d think this would make things easier, but my brother ruins it every single time.
I told him to be ready by 8:05, but he was late every single time, usually by 10 minutes or more.
He’d blame my mum for his late breakfast or say he couldn’t find his clothes. When I pointed it out, he’d tell me to “just take the bus” instead of owning up. But when my dad is home, I’d rather not waste money on the bus or stress about whether it’s on time.
During his exams, I was ready early every morning and sat at school 40 minutes early just to help him. But now that it’s my turn, he doesn’t care. He told me to wake him earlier if I wanted him ready, but why should I?
I can get ready in 20 minutes. He takes over an hour and still blames everyone else.
He never faces consequences. My school starts earlier, and my teachers are strict because I was often late last year. If I’m late now, I’m humiliated in front of my class and given a 30-minute detention.
Meanwhile, his school doesn’t punish lateness much, so he doesn’t care.
It’s not just about school. We had doctor’s appointments booked 10 minutes apart. I let him take the earlier one since he wanted to get to school faster. He had two hours to get ready but still made us late because he was brushing his teeth at the last second.
If we missed the check-in, we’d have waited hours, but he didn’t care and said, “I’ll just take your appointment.” Once again, his lateness would have had me take on the consequences.
This happens all the time, and I’m exhausted. Between exam stress and constantly cleaning up his messes, I finally snapped. I screamed at him and my parents, calling them all incompetent.
My parents allow his behaviour and treat a 17-year-old like a baby. My mum makes him 3 dishes for breakfast, packs his lunch even though he already eats at school, and cooks two dinners for him—one before and one after his gym session. He demands every meal of his has to have protein in it.
If his football clothes aren’t ready, he yells at her.
He does nothing for himself because he knows my parents will pick up the slack. He spends hundreds of pounds every Christmas and birthday but won’t lift a finger for anyone else. Whenever I try to talk about it, my parents tell me to “let it go” because “talking about it won’t change anything.”
I’m sick of being punished for his selfishness and being treated like my frustration doesn’t matter. All I’ve done is try to stay organized, but all the consequences land on me while they don’t affect him at all.
AITJ for screaming at them after everything I’ve been through?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ… …But I don’t think yelling at your parents will ultimately get any change (feel free to do it anyways just for fun if you want). I’d just always plan to take the bus, handle everything for myself on my own, and just focus on handling myself.
Even if your dad offers to drive you, just tell him Noo, you’ve made me late too many times, I can’t be late again and I can’t trust that you’ll be on time.” It’s unfair but at this point, they aren’t going to change. and you’ll probably be moving out in a couple of years anyway.” Tdluxon
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. They needed to hear it, though I doubt they’ll do much. Your brother is the golden child and they have coddled him way too much. It’s sad because they have done him such a disservice. Your brother is going to be in for a very rude awakening when he realizes that, unlike his parents, the rest of the world won’t tolerate his BS.
I would figure out how to separate yourself from being reliant on your brother for anything. It’s beyond him simply being inconsiderate. This is weaponized incompetence. It’s almost like he’s trying to sabotage you just to make the point that he can do it and get away with it.
Shame on him and shame on your parents for raising a toddler in a teenager’s body.” HandBananasRevenge
Another User Comments:
“You’re learning a harsh lesson of life: sometimes, friends and family just aren’t reliable people. The second lesson is that you can love someone, but not like them.
You’re also about to experience something almost every woman and a lot of men have dealt with: checking out of the relationship. You’re at home still, you still civilly talk to your family, and you may even have fun now and then, but overall, you put up a wall to protect yourself.
You need to become independent because you’re learning that the only person you can currently rely on is you. Even if your dad offers to drive you, take the bus. Don’t just stop giving way to your brother, but stop doing anything with him. Taking your example of the doctor’s appointment, don’t go with your family.
If you need to see a doctor, arrange the appointment yourself, for a day and time that you can get there by yourself. NTJ. Yelling at your parents has likely done nothing, and their behaviour won’t change. They won’t realize what an entitled little jerk they’ve created until he either fails to get a job and move out, or he moves out and still expects them to take care of him and pay his bills.
Meanwhile, you’ll be living your best life, and won’t need them. They will only be in your life if you want them.” User
12. AITJ For Being Upset Over My Partner's Family Changing Their Guest Room Rules?
“I (24F) and my partner Nathan (26M) have been together for 6 years.
This year, we travelled to his parents’ house for Thanksgiving. For context, Nathan is one of four brothers: Alex (single), Jack (married to Jill), Nathan (me), and Luke (married to Millie, with a nearly 2-year-old). Everyone lives out of state except Luke and Millie. Nathan and I have the longest drive at 9 hrs.
Here’s the issue: Nathan’s parents, Mary and John, have only two guest bedrooms. Three couples tend to visit at a time, meaning someone has to sleep on an air mattress in between the rooms. The first year I visited, I was told they’d rotate who gets the air mattress to keep it fair.
But after three years on it, we were told it was now “first come, first serve.” Nathan’s job doesn’t allow much holiday time, so we’re almost always last to arrive and stuck on the air mattress. While annoying, we understood—it seemed logical.
This year was different. Nathan and I got Monday through Thursday off and would arrive first. I talked to Mary about how we were to finally get a bedroom, and she laughed, saying, “Yep, first come, first serve.” Millie, who I’ve grown close to, knew we were thrilled about the prospect of getting a bed this year.
She even decided to come early too so we could hang out, and we planned I’d take the twin room, and she’d take the queen.
Here’s where it gets frustrating. The day we left, I texted Mary our ETA. A few hours later, Millie texted me, saying Luke had spoken with Mary, who mentioned Jack and Jill would get the queen room and Luke and Millie the twin room—leaving Nathan and me on the air mattress again.
Luke called Mary out, reminding her of the “first come, first serve” rule, but she suddenly claimed she “never said that” and justified her decision because Jack and Jill would be staying an extra day. (For context, Jack and Jill were arriving a day later than us, so this reasoning felt like an excuse.)
When we arrived, Nathan brought up the rule again, but Mary got defensive, claimed she didn’t remember ever saying it, and refused to budge. I made several sarcastic comments as I felt this was unfair. I pointed out rules are rules until they didn’t serve Jill.
And that we always do it a certain way UNTIL that means Jill has to take the air mattress and she could come up with any justification but that doesn’t make it fair. I even pointed out it’s silly for us to now have to board our dogs and drive 8 hrs before anyone else got here just to change the rules now.
She had plenty of time to bring this up with our many conversations leading up to this. She became increasingly sassy about the situation, leaving us feeling defeated and, frankly, a little targeted.
AITJ for speaking up over thinking Mary unfairly changed the rules to suit Jack and Jill, and that we’re always stuck with the short end of the stick?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and honestly, I’d just leave if it were me. Every time you guys dance their dance, they think it’s okay. I’d go home to my nice bed, get the dogs, order a half-baked pizza tomorrow, and cook it up on Thursday.
They are being rude and if this is their status quo for the foreseeable future, you want none of it.” fernswordgirl432
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but stop playing their game. Either stop going or get a hotel – frankly, you should have turned around and left. If your partner has a problem with this, tell him to sort it out with his parents.
Keep in mind that this is how it will go on forever so long as you put up with it.” DinoSnuggler
Another User Comments:
“You’re NTJ and frankly, your partner needs to step up and handle his family. If he expects to spend time with his family for the holiday consistently, then the responsibility to make that arrangement comfortable for you is on him.
Maybe it’s time to spend it with your own family. Or with friends. Or even just alone. You didn’t mention Alex’s sleeping arrangements so I’m assuming he either lives with your parents or gets a more rudimentary option (like the couch) since he’s single. That’s all fine and well.
However, the other two attached brothers seem to be getting priority. You also didn’t mention the age breakdown but in any case, whether it’s because Nathan is a younger brother or because the two of you happen to not be married, his parents are likely favouring the others.
Nathan needs to make clear that you and he are not to be treated as second-class offspring just because he was possibly born later or will possibly be married later.” Bomdegety
11. AITJ For Wanting To Confront My Aunt About Taking My Dad's Thank-You Gift?
“Let me give you guys some context before I get to the main situation.
Last weekend I woke up to my bank account being hacked and most of my money gone. I had to contact my bank and they told me it could take 10-30 days to get my money back.
The problem was that last week was the worst week for me to be out of money, due to so many birthdays and other gatherings I needed to buy gifts for.
My dad was very kind and he helped me out by lending some money until I was financially set again to pay him back.
My dad is in love with Lindor chocolates, so while I was out shopping I bought him an expensive box of Lindor chocolates as a way of thanking him for saving me last week.
My aunt was staying with us for a week and was telling me how she and her grandchildren love Ferrero Rocher’s chocolate. I thought I’d do something nice and grab her a box of Ferrero Rocher. (Keep in mind the specific chocolate brands)
When I got home I unloaded all of my groceries and grabbed the box of Ferrero Rocher I explicitly told her “I got these Ferrero Rocher chocolates for you and your grandkids” and she was very thankful and happy.
My dad was very grateful I got him the Lindor box
.
My cousin came to pick her up on Thursday and as she was leaving I saw the Lindor box that I had gotten for my dad in her bag. After she left I asked my dad if he gave her the Lindor box and he said he thought I gave it to her.
He told me that she was probably confused and assumed both chocolate boxes were for her. But how when I explicitly said, Ferrero Roch?
I’m quite upset because it wasn’t just about the chocolate box, it’s about thanking my dad for getting me out of a possible hole last week.
Also since I know it was deliberate, and if she needed it all she had to do was just ask and I would have given it to her and just bought another one for my dad.
This situation came up while me and my friends were discussing family and Christmas.
I expressed how I wanted to send a text saying “Hey have you seen the chocolate box I got for my dad I can’t seem to find it”.
My friends said it would be a jerk move because at the end of the day, it’s just chocolates, also if she needed them so bad that she had to take them I should be more understanding.
I thought I’d come and ask AITJ if I sent that text?”
Another User Comments:
“So your friends want you to be a doormat to a thief because she’s ‘family’? Nice friends you have there. As I said, she’s a thief and needs to be called out like one.
You asked nicely and I can’t tell if she responded or not, but now you know not to leave anything out around her that you wouldn’t mind her taking. NTJ.” GirlDad2023_
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Your friends lack logic. Family is not an excuse to steal, she didn’t need them, and it doesn’t matter what was stolen as much as it matters *that* it was stolen.
If you ask her the whereabouts, she will either respond genuinely that it was a mistake, or she will lie but know that you are onto her. Win-win.” CandylandCanada
Another User Comments:
“You’re NTJ but I don’t think sending the text would be a wise move.
Aunt is clearly in the wrong here, but you will be the one who looks like the bad guy to the wider family if you say anything over a box of chocolates. It will also likely cause drama for your dad, which I’m sure you don’t want.
I think the better plan is to not say anything but watch out for her sticky fingers whenever she visits in the future. And buy your dad another box if you can.” WaterDreamer12
10. AITJ For Wanting To Spend Holidays At Home Instead Of With My Husband's Family?
“My husband and I have been together since 2013, married since 2015. For ten years I have asked to stay home for the holidays and not once have we. My mother usually takes Christmas Eve at her house (6 blocks away) and his mother takes Thanksgiving and Easter too sometimes.
Not once have the kids had a Thanksgiving at home. They’re 6 and almost 8 now and they’ve never gotten to help make Thanksgiving dinner except cookies with my MIL (the same kind of cookies they make for at least 1-2 other holidays such as Christmas).
My husband immediately becomes defensive and angry when I tell him I want to stay home for holidays, which is pretty much every holiday, but he never listens to me and thinks it’s a slight on his family (to be fair, I don’t much enjoy their company but I’ve always grinned and born it for him).
He has always chosen them over me.
Three major cases in point:
1. One month into our relationship, I became pregnant (we were young and dumb), when I told him he said “I don’t want my very Christian mother to find out.” So I had a medical procedure when I wasn’t sure I wanted one.
I just felt pressured.
2. A few months after the birth of our first child, his dad and stepmom wanted to visit. The problem was my dad had just gotten out of the hospital and our baby was sick. I was also postpartum and working 1.5 hours away.
We were living with my parents. It was a very hard time. So when his dad and stepmom wanted to make a surprise visit, I said “maybe” since the baby was sick. His dad texted my mom to ask for permission to see the baby.
I called him to let him know directly that any decision about our child must come through us. I made sure not to yell scream or do anything that could be misinterpreted as me being the bad guy. Well, I hardly got two sentences out before his dad screamed at me, and told me I would keep his grandchildren away from him “over my (like me, not him) dead body”.
I was so upset and scared that I filed a police report just in case. And the kicker was he sided with his dad, never once supporting me, for 7 years. I cut contact while he continued texting with Dad. I finally just this year allowed him to come back into our lives.
To his credit, the dad has behaved. So far.
3. Now, when I ask to stay home for holidays he says he will just take the kids and go without me (which is very much a rude gesture to me because he knows there’s nothing I can do to stop him.
AITJ? I don’t know what to do.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, There’s absolutely nothing wrong with wanting to celebrate holidays in your own home, especially with children. What happens in 20 years when the kids are grown and left and both your parents are no longer with you, you’ll have no memories of family holidays at home.
The grandparents already had this time with their children, it’s selfish to demand that from grandchildren too. Remember the road always goes both ways, nothing stopping them from visiting you” TermAggravating804.3
Another User Comments:
“Your problem is only with your husband. He doesn’t seem to care about what you want.
For this problem, I would focus on the marriage first because you wouldn’t have this problem if he supported you. I’d find out why he doesn’t care about your needs. ” Expensive_Visual_594
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – I don’t understand how people don’t realize that once they have kids, THAT is your immediate family.
Everyone else is now extended. You wanting to spend a holiday with your immediate family is not a big ask. Q: Are his grandparents part of his family get-together? Or is it just his parent’s immediate family and their spouses?” ch33sebby
9. AITJ For Not Wanting My Partner's Sister To Stay In Our Tiny Flat?
“So my (M30) and my partner (F26) live in a country far away from both of our families. We live in a tiny one-bed flat which is a studio (glass partition wall), it’s pretty cramped even with 2 of us. I also pay all the rent, my partner covers food and a couple of bills (far less overall and far less throughout our relationship due to me earning considerably more).
My partner has just spent a couple of weeks seeing said sister in another country. Her sister is doing some travelling and then had planned to come and stay with us. I’ve been given no dates and wasn’t asked if this was OK or even how I felt about it.
I was pretty stressed about it. I work long hours in a stressful position which includes once a week on average 14 hour shifts and two sets of night shifts (so needing to sleep during the day) during the time she plans to come. I’m a very introverted person and value my free space.
I would have to go to the bathroom to get changed because of the glass partition. I eventually told her how I was feeling, and explained that I wanted her to spend with her sister, but asked that we consider others around. She was disappointed but seemed to understand to some extent.
Today just before she boards her flight home she tells me she’s sad, that she’s crying and I ask why, because she’s gonna miss her family. I’m like, well you’re gonna see your sister again in a few weeks hey! To which she responds with a screenshot of her and her sister talking about how upset they are, that they just wanted to spend time together but since I’m ‘stressed’ then they will have to just cut their time short together and how much this sucks for them.
Immediately after she’s offline and on her flight.
They have just spent 2 weeks off work together and her sister is planning on travelling for 3 weeks alone before coming here, she just got a promotion doubling her salary. I feel that if it was so important to spend time together her sister should sacrifice some of her personal travel time and pay for her accommodation here and my partner could contribute what she can also.
But no, it’s my fault they can’t have fun together.
I feel incredibly guilty tripped and annoyed that she didn’t even think to ask me or consider how I might feel about this. If we had space I would have no problem, her friend stayed last year for a month when we had 2 bedrooms.
I still don’t even know when she is planning to come, for how long, or where she will sleep (our sofa is not big enough for an adult to sleep on).
Anyway, I went on a bit of a rant explaining how I felt about the whole situation.
Am I being unreasonable in thinking this is not cool?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, your partner invited her sister over despite the logistical limitations without discussing it with you first, it’s your home too. It doesn’t seem there’s a budget issue as you mentioned said sister recently got promoted and doubled her salary which means your sister could have booked a nearby hotel and your partner could have stayed with her few days.
Worst I think is your partner throwing you under the bus in her exchange with the sister instead of acknowledging her part of creating this situation in the first place.” ThrowRA_oddcat
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Studio apartments are tiny and meant for no more than two people.
Having a 3rd person staying would be insane. Tell your partner that you are happy for her to spend as much time as she wants with her sister when she visits, but there is no room to accommodate her in your small apt. She’s not being very thoughtful in expecting you to tolerate her sister parking herself in your home.
Let her rent a room at a hotel.” Aggressive_Cattle320
8. AITJ For Rejecting My Biological Father's Gifts After He Refused To Meet His Daughter?
“I, 32m, have recently reconnected with my biological father after many years of almost slim to no contact. For context, he has been in and out of my life for the past 30 years.
When I was younger, my mom, who was single and raising two boys,( my older brother and myself.) and only was able to make about 32K a year. So throughout our lives, my biological father would always try to bribe my brother and myself with random gifts and or gestures to go against our mother for the littlest things.
Flash forward to a few years ago, it had been almost 10 years since he had contacted me, or my brother for that matter. He always resented my brother because he did not have the same dad as me, so it made him my half-brother, but I didn’t care.
When it came to our future, our mother tried to do the best that she could to keep us in line for a better future than her. Though now my brother is married and has a wonderful wife and two wonderful kids, he still holds resentment toward my biological father for several different reasons.
Well, last year, I found out that I have had a sister after she had reached out to me through social media and when it came time for us to finally meet after a very careful investigation, I reached out to my father to let him know that he has a daughter.
He decided to tell me to leave him alone about the situation due to several different family members reaching out about it. Well, as of December last year, she sadly passed away from a very aggressive cancer issue. Well, after she passed, he decided to reach back out and say he wanted to meet her after saying that he did not want to meet her in the first place and proceeded to be upset and upset at me for not pushing further or harder, so he decided to bring gifts and other items as some type of way of apologizing, but, I decided to be against it and told him I did not want his gifts.
He got mad, and told me that I needed to grow up, even though I just bought my first home with my fiancé., And I needed to grow up about the emotions about him for not meeting his daughter and me being upset about it.
So I am here to ask, AITJ for rejecting my father since he got mad because I wanted him to meet his daughter and because she wanted to meet him as well, and when he did not, after it was too late, I denied his gifts?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. He is a raging jerk and you would be perfectly reasonable to prefer that he has NO place in your life now, or ever.” LawyerDad1981
Another User Comments:
“Absolutely NTJ… your sperm donor made his choices. He cannot expect you to want a relationship with you after so many years of him wanting a relationship with you.” soloturtledove
7. AITJ For Refusing To Go To My MiL's Late Dinner Because It Disrupts My Daughter's Schedule?
“I want to preface this by saying that I am on the spectrum, and therefore struggle with nuanced social situations. Which is why I’m reaching out for some third-party insight.
My MiL has recently moved back to our hometown after finally escaping from her ex.
My husband and I were unaware of the severity of the situation (because MiL made efforts to hide it), and I know that my husband is feeling very guilty about it.
But MiL is doing better and has her little apartment in town and has been working and rebuilding her life.
We’ve made efforts to support her as much as possible, but we are in a tight spot financially, so what we can do is limited.
For the past few couple weeks, my MiL has been inviting us over to her place for dinner multiple times a week.
She has always loved to cook and says she is excited to get to cook for her family again. Plus she gets to spend time with our toddler.
The problem is that she has consistently told us to be there around 66 pm only for her to not have dinner ready until 9 pm or later.
And she refuses any help in the kitchen.
This is a major issue because we wind up staying out passed our daughter’s bedtime. Her whole nighttime routine gets thrown off, and it makes it harder to get her down for bed. Not to mention how cranky she gets waiting for the food.
I’ve tried to gently talk to my MiL about this, but she has always been critical of me and my parenting. She thinks it’s outrageous that I keep my daughter on such a strict schedule, and insists that when her kids were little, they didn’t have schedules, and just ate when they were hungry and fell asleep when they were tired and it worked out just fine.
I asked my husband to talk to his mom about it, but she told him the same thing. Then went off on him about how she was just trying to help us out financially by providing a few meals for us, and how it was terrible of us to try to make her feel bad for just wanting to spend time with her family.
So he dropped it, and we’ve been back to her place for dinner a couple more times since then. And it’s still been served at 9 pm. And she’s been making passive-aggressive comments about how I need to loosen up and how I can’t expect the world to stick to my schedule.
My husband thinks we should just put up with it because his mom has been through so much, and he feels partially responsible because he was unaware of the situation and wasn’t able to protect her. But after a particularly critical phone call with her yesterday, I told my husband that I didn’t want to go to her place for dinner anymore.
He insisted that she’s just stressed because of everything she’s been through, and we need to show her some leniency.
I told him that she could come over to our place for dinner now and then, that would be fine. But I’m not going to be held captive at her apartment anymore.
We didn’t agree, though. And I’m thinking that maybe I’m being too harsh on my MiL, and torturing my husband in the process.
So, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Childrearing theories have evolved over the decades since your MIL raised free-range children. If you absolutely cannot refuse the invitation (which is not a summons, BTW), pack some dinner for your little one and stick to your bedtime routine so she isn’t cranky and fussy.
If MIL still has a problem with it, because waiting for 3 hours past a specified time isn’t rude at all, then you need to present a united front with your spouse so that your daughter will have a structured routine. Info: what does she make that requires 3 hours of prep time?” CheeseMakingMom
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Good sleep schedules for young children are important. It would be one thing if she was having the kid sleep for a bit at her place. That would be ok. The kid easts on arrival plays with grandma for an hour, goes to sleep in a playpen or something similar, and you guys eat dinner at 99 pm It’s not perfect, but it would do for every few weeks or so.
But keeping the kid up til 9 pm on grandma’s say so? No, grandma only gets to have that say so if the kid is staying and grandma’s and you’re not there. Even then, it’s borderline, but if you’re there, you set bedtime. If your hubby still wants to go, that’s great.
He can go on his own. If she wants to come see you for dinner and keep to your schedule, that’s fine too. If she wants to feed you upon arrival at 6 p.m., keep the kid up till 8:30 pm, and then let her sleep in the car a bit… that would work for me too, but you’ll set that for yourself.
MIL may have been through some trauma but she doesn’t get to download it on to you and your kid. She needs to accommodate your schedule, at least somewhat, if this is what she wants. Also, just to say it: what’s with the 6 pm start?
Do you guys not have any days that you could start earlier? I get that schedules are all over the place these days, but you could fix all of this by having her make brunch or luncheon one day.” rockology_adam
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Let me sum this up for you: MIL made a series of choices, some of which had consequences, all of which she hid from you.
Now that MIL is in a different situation, she is making new choices, which she expects you to accept unchallenged, while at the same time, she criticizes the choices that you are making for your family. She expects you to adopt her life choices because they worked out so well for everyone.
Nope, non, na, uh-uh to all of that. She doesn’t have all the answers for herself, let alone your family. Husband can go alone to the Neverending Meal if he wants, or she can come to your house where dinner will be served at 6.” CandylandCanada
6. AITJ For Using A Silly Phrase To Calm My Kids Despite My Husband's Disapproval?
“I (38F) have 4 young kids with my husband (40M).
They are 5 years old, 4-year-old twins, and a 1-year-old.
Our kids are well-behaved in general. Anyone with young kids can confirm sometimes they have tantrums or get upset. Sometimes it’s over big things and sometimes it’s over something silly.
For example, our 5-year-old was upset this morning because his shoes weren’t blue. They’ve never been blue, they’ve always been green. Today I guess he just felt like having blue shoes.
A phrase I use when calming my kids down over smaller issues is What’s the story, macaroni?”
They love it when I say this, even when they are fussy or upset. I’m not sure why, but maybe it’s just as simple as they think I see them as macaroni. Maybe it’s the silliness of it. I can’t remember where I heard it.
It’s effective and helps them work through their emotions so we can work on communicating why we’re upset and what can be done to fix it. For those wondering, in my 5-year-old’s case, the solution was letting him put stickers on his shoes. All is well again lol.
My husband hates it when I say it. He has asked me several times not to say it because to him it sounds too childish. His approach is more strict and he doesn’t take the more kid-friendly approach. He would tell our 5-year-old that his shoes won’t turn blue just because he is upset and he shouldn’t throw a fit over something he can’t change.
(This would have upset our son further, not made him stop fussing)
I feel like sometimes kids have very big and valid feelings but might not know how to express them constructively. I prefer to take the silly approach for these smaller issues. My kids respond positively to it and it works.
I don’t use it for every situation but on smaller issues, I feel it is fine.
I have tried not to say it around my husband as he doesn’t like it. The kids love it and the oldest will sometimes even ask me to say it even if he’s not upset so I can’t always avoid it even when he is there.
I might be the jerk because it’s clear my husband doesn’t like this phrase.
AITJ because I haven’t stopped saying What’s the story, Macaroni”?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You have a parenting tactic that works because the children like it and it calms them down.
Your husband has a parenting tactic that doesn’t seem viable with children your age. He rationalizes it, but the whole point is that the issue at hand (like the colour of the shoes is the same as it always has been) is not rational and the problem is not a rational one or a lack of understanding.
It is fine if your husband uses his tactics when HE deals with the situation. Including the aftermath. He should carry the damage of his approach as well (like they still cry. Problem not solved or even worse.). In the same way, you have to deal with the consequences of your approach.
What never works is doing what the other wants, while his approach is theoretical and he never gets to enjoy the consequences of his theoretical best approach. Also, your husband should be informed that children of the age of 1, 4, and 5 are childish. They are supposed to be.” Jocelyn-1973
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It honestly sounds like a trigger now for your kids to know that mummy is listening to them and has their undivided attention. That’s a *good* thing. And will this be an appropriate response as they age? Maybe not, but it sounds like you’ve got enough common sense to know that as your kids age, the language changes with them.” coastalkid92
Another User Comments:
“I’m the boss applesauce, don’t get wise bubble eyes, see what I mean jellybean, what’s the trouble bubble, you’re a poet but didn’t know it, but your toes sure show it because they are Longfellows…..these are the things my dad said all the time.
NTJ” Solrackai
5. AITJ For Kicking Out Our Troubled Adult Stepdaughter To Protect Our Younger Children?
“Are we (my husband, 44M, and I, 45F) the jerks for kicking out our oldest child (my stepdaughter, his BD, 21F)?
**Important: We are a happily married couple with steady full-time jobs. We live in a stable environment, own our home (not rich, just hardworking), and have since had 2 boys together – 8 and 12 years old.
The backstory: My husband has always had full custody of his daughter. We got together when she was 17 months old, and her visitations with bio mom were spotty at best, and often nonexistent when she was growing up.
From a very young age, she exhibited signs of mental illness, and we tried to get her help over and over.
Stealing from us turned into shoplifting, and lying to us (about literally EVERYTHING, even when there was no point in it) turned into pathological lying – even to teachers, counsellors, therapists, friends, and friends’ parents. Her behaviour out of the home was stellar; inside our walls, she refused to follow rules, ignored boundaries, called both of us names, or just refused to speak to us.
She began running away whenever we tried to enforce rules or deliver consequences for breaking them. Ex: If we took away wifi access as punishment, she would just leave and not come home for days/weeks on end.
She would bring and smoke substances inside our home.
Then, she began telling the school and her friend’s/partner’s parents that we would withhold food and medication from her (not true), and threatening to call CAS on us.
Eventually, she aged out of being able to use CAS against us for herself and started threatening to call them on behalf of our oldest son.
He has been diagnosed with ADHD and autism and is on meds for the ADHD She started claiming that we’re “just sedating him to make him easier to deal with”, and telling him not to take his meds.
At that point, my husband kicked her out.
Not on the streets, her friend’s mom allowed her to stay there.
But we decided that it’s one thing to live with her abusive nature and deal with it as best we could, but another thing to allow her to turn it on her siblings.
It was a heartbreaking decision, but we felt it was necessary.
So, are we the jerks?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It sounds like you’ve done everything you could to support your stepdaughter through her mental health struggles and difficult behaviour but at some point, you had to protect the well-being of the rest of your family her behaviour became too harmful especially when it started affecting your other children.” No_Moment_9451
Another User Comments:
“NTJ at this point your primary obligation is to protect your minor children. The fact that she acts one way with others and another way with you says she’s altering her behaviour to suit the circumstances and therefore she knows what she’s doing.
She’s an adult and has made some poor and intentionally hurtful to your children.” corgihuntress
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Sometimes love is not enough. It’s heartbreaking to have a child who rejects every effort made to give them a good life, but your priority has to be on your younger children.
She’s an adult now. If she wants to wreck her life she can, but you aren’t obligated to let her wreck yours, and more importantly, it’s your responsibility to not let her wreck the lives of your young children.” savinathewhite
4. AITJ For Telling My Husband He's Acting Like His Absentee Father?
“My husband (35M) and I(35F) have been married for 14 years.
We have twins. One daughter and one son. Both 10. When we first met, my husband always said he wanted to be a dad. He grew up poor and his dad wasn’t in his life much. He probably saw his dad once every few years. He always talked about wanting to be there for his future kids.
I always wanted kids, so my husband was happy. When we had kids everything was great. When they were babies, he did everything he could for them and more. He went all out on making sure they had the best he could buy.
As they got older, he became less and less involved. He would work, come home, and say hey to the kids.
Ask how school went. Have a quick 5 minute conversation and that would be it. Every week he gives them money to get whatever they want. If they ask him to buy anything, he just does it. Never anything deeper. Never spent any time with them.
When suggested, he would say no. He believes he’s doing a great job with them as they are taken care of.
I tried to explain to him that giving them money and buying them nice things is only one part of taking care of them.
I’ve tried so hard to explain that you need to interact with them more or they would see you as a piggy bank and not a dad who they could talk to.
This all came to a head when I was taking the kids out to eat, but he didn’t want to go.
I told him he hadn’t spent time with them since they were babies. This led to an argument and we both got mad. It ended when I told him he was not acting any different than his dad. I’ve never seen him look and sound angrier in my life.
That was all yesterday.
AITJ for telling him he’s no better than his dad?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, and here’s why. Nothing with them for years besides a check-in, constantly gently pushed to follow through on QT and after numerous gentle attempts, she slapped him in the heart with a fact.
He’s NOT doing them any favours by making excuses not to spend time. If he died next week what would his kids remember of him? Not much. We don’t keep our memories from infancy very often. They aren’t going to remember doting daddy when they were small.
They’re going to remember that he never spent time with them, mom told him he needed to, and no matter how many times he was asked he NEVER did.” IAlmostPetRexy
Another User Comments:
“NTJ I can confirm that this doesn’t end with a relationship between kids and a father.
Mine was a pilot and he provided quite well for us. He is now 80 and I am around out of a sense of duty and love for my mother who has dementia. She’s the one who raised my sibling and me. She’s the one who knew who we were, our likes and dislikes, our traumas and joys.
To this day I barely know who the man is, how to have a conversation with him, or have any deeper connection to him other than the income he provided for our family.” Dame_Twitch_a_Lot
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Sounds like my ex.
He also said he didn’t want to be like his self-centred father(narcissist these days). Yep, he turned out the same even worse. I told him many times that he acted like his father and he’d curse me out. His behaviour never changed. I divorced him and got the kids full-time, and he had little interaction with them.
Now he’s in a nursing home, in MS, and while at my youngest daughter’s house, she was asked when she last saw her dad. The youngest saw him 4 years ago, the son saw him 3 years ago, and the oldest saw him 2 years ago. I asked how they felt about not visiting him.
The younger two, son and daughter, said they could care less as when they had visited him, he ignored them just watching TV like he did when they were kids. The oldest daughter, an RN Supervisor in cardiac care who’s usually very sympathetic, said she had it with him hollering at her two young daughters (6 & 3) that they were too loud and not to touch his stuff.
They only stayed for 10 minutes. He has never seen his other 3 grandchildren as my kids don’t want him to mistreat them. My kids are doing fine although my son always asks, “I’m not like Dad am I? He’s not, I’m sorry his dad couldn’t be a better man and father but there’s nothing I could do about it except finally leave.” Wild-Strategy-4101
3. AITJ For Not Inviting My Stepmother To My Wedding Dress Shopping?
“I went shopping for my wedding dress last weekend and picked a dress.
I brought my two best friends and my two grandmas. My stepmother saw our photo on the bridal store’s page and she was upset I didn’t ask her to come. Two of her sons are married and their wives didn’t invite her either Her third son is gay so it was her only chance to experience this because she has no daughters.
She told me she wanted to come and wanted to know why I wouldn’t invite her. She claimed she became my mom when I was 10 (which is when she married my dad) and she had no other girls so having me leave her out was extra hurtful.
She vented about her daughters-in-law not including her in that process either and how one went solo even though she was free and close by to go with her.
For reference, I do not consider her my mom and I never considered her in a parental light.
She’s married to my dad and makes him happy so I appreciate that but I never liked how she seemed to obsess about me being a girl and having a mother/daughter relationship. My mom died so it made me more protective of who claims that title for me.
But even still I do not feel like she would have made any effort to be a mom to me if I were a stepson vs a stepdaughter.
I wasn’t going to include her in anything wedding-related. She’ll be invited as my dad’s wife. She’ll be in the photos because they’re married. She’ll be seated with him for the same reason.
But she’s not the mother of the bride or anything. And I don’t have a relationship with her where I would ask her to help with wedding-related stuff. I’m no longer that close to my dad either so I don’t see them often anyway. But she has been making her point about being left out and asking me why I excluded her.
She’s unhappy.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You can invite or not invite anybody you want or don’t want there to watch you pick out a dress. What I found odd in this post is this part: “*My stepmother saw our photo on the bridal store’s page*”.
Do people follow bridal shops’ social media pages if they aren’t getting married soon themselves? Maybe it’s just me, and I am open to being wrong about this, but that strikes me as unusual.” twothirtysevenam
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She is projecting all of her hurt and offence from the other children onto you.
You’re not obligated to do anything for her since you didn’t marry her or ask her to be your stepmom. I think it’s your job to be a decent human being, as you would to all people, but there’s such a cultural standard of needing to treat “family” special from everyone else and that’s simply not the case.
Particularly at your wedding in which you and your spouse will be forming your family unit, not melting back into previous units and creating one mega family. She has poor boundaries and expectations. Just continue to be respectful obvi and not take any of her junk onto yourself.
Super NTJ. I think how your stepmother is feeling is unfortunate for her and may indeed be a bummer, but it’s not justifiable or fair to place those feelings onto you in any way, shape, or form. She needs to work through her disappointment and misplaced expectations herself.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You have a mom. Just because she died doesn’t mean your stepmother can snatch her place. How can anyone even begin to replace your mom? She can be hurt about it, but that’s on her, not on you. I’m so tired of step-parents trying to force a parental bond between them and their stepkids.
We wouldn’t ask a fully grown adult to suddenly love and respect someone just because they married into the family. Then why should kids be forced to love their parent’s new wife/husband?” Alarming_Energy_3059
2. AITJ For Wanting A Father-Daughter Lunch Without My Step Mom?
“This weekend I am celebrating getting my university ring and I told my dad I wanted him to be there.
He currently lives 7 hours away from me with my stepmom and I have only seen him 3 times since last September. The last time was in May and it wasn’t a great visit considering it was me, my dad, and my stepmom attending a funeral and I got no actual time with him.
Recently I’ve been trying to plan for the weekend celebration by texting my stepmom what kind of food she liked and that we could even order it to go and eat somewhere else since she does not like being around people all that much. I was planning a lot with her, trying to make her feel included and accommodated. I then texted my dad the idea of lunch with just him and me so I could get some father-daughter time alone since the last time I had gotten that was last Christmas.
My dad told my stepmom later that day about my plan to have lunch with him and she got upset and felt left out. My dad told me that night that we weren’t going to leave her alone and that she was his wife and it was unfair to her.
I was very upset, both deeply hurt and sad since I felt he was prioritizing her feelings over mine and I was having to fight tooth and nail just to have some alone time with my dad. I’ve discussed it more with my dad since then and when I asked what the issue was and I didn’t understand why she wouldn’t let us have something as simple as maybe 2 hours together, he said she was feeling left out of everything.
I got very upset and personally think that is a nonsensical conclusion to come to since I have been very open with including her and thought 1 meal with my dad was a fair compromise. Now she’s not even going to come which I honestly don’t mind but I don’t feel like I’m in the wrong at all here even though she says she wouldn’t do the same to me.
So, AITJ for leaving her out of 1 meal so my dad and I could catch up?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ for wanting some alone time with your dad. It’s reasonable to want to catch up after not seeing him for so long. You tried to include her which is nice.
Just a lunch isn’t too much to ask. Your dad should understand that having a moment just for you both is important too.” giddy_pixyo
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. But consider asking her this: “Why am I not allowed to have quality father-daughter bonding time?” Record her answer, and if it is petty or messed up, play the recording for your father.
There is also the possibility that she misunderstood your intent and didn’t realize that you just wanted time to bond with your father. So, asking this question could clear up the possible misunderstanding.” TheGoodJeans
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I’m a stepmom and would never even think of stopping my husband from spending quality time in person or on the phone with his kids.
When the kids only see their dad 2-3 times a year, you would want to encourage as much time as they can get together. It is unbelievably selfish of your stepmom and it is coming from a place of insecurity.” Divine_in_Us
1. AITJ For Revealing The Truth About My Brother's Fake Meeting With Daniel Radcliffe?
“When my younger brother (20 now) was 6, he went through a huge Harry Potter phase. He loved the wizarding world and believed he might meet ‘Harry Potter’ (Daniel Radcliffe) or the other characters on a family trip to Scotland since Hogwarts was ‘there.’ No one promised him this, but he convinced himself it could happen.
Sadly, the trip was canceled after our grandpa passed away, and my brother was devastated for both reasons.
To cheer him up, I decided to craft a ‘souvenir’. I was 16 and had just discovered Photoshop, so I edited a picture of my brother with Daniel Radcliffe to make it look like they’d met.
I printed it, framed it, and gave it to him without telling him it was fake. He loved it and fully believed he’d met Daniel. Soon, he had an entire story about the meeting; what they talked about, how Daniel hugged him, etc. It was so sweet, and none of us (my family and I) had the heart to tell him the truth.
Fast forward 14 years, and my brother still didn’t know that the old, low-quality picture of him meeting Daniel Radcliffe was fake. I never told him because his memory of the fake meeting felt so real to him that it became one of his proudest stories.
Over time the memory became less important and the framed picture had been packed away in some box, and my brother has long outgrown his Harry Potter obsession. Yesterday, however, we were at our parents’ home and we were bringing up old memories, you know how it goes.
The story of meeting Daniel Radcliffe came up, and thinking it was harmless, I told him the truth. I thought he’d laugh but instead,d he got visibly upset. He didn’t want to believe me at first, thinking I was messing with him.
I told him the real story of how and why I did it. He told me that it feels like I robbed him of a real childhood memory that he cherished, and he feels embarrassed thinking about all the times he’s told people about meeting Daniel Radcliffe in person, even recently.
We ended our conversation on a semi-good note, though. I apologized for not telling him sooner because I do feel bad that it meant so much to him even now. But I don’t regret it. Back then, it made him so happy during a rough time, and I don’t regret giving him that joy.
I just didn’t realize how much it still meant to him. So I’m just wondering, am (or was) I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It’s like Santa. You did it with good intentions and he never met him. He was 6, now he is 20.
Maybe disappointing, but he’s 20 years old…. It would be worse to continue the fantasy for an adult. I am sure no one ever thought at the time this would be the result 14 years later, sounds like he just never got the memo it wasn’t real… much worse things that can happen as an adult.” Miss_Judge_and_Jury
Another User Comments:
“I don’t get why people are comparing this to Santa… this feels so extreme that everyone kept up this lie for so long. You are almost 10 years older than him, why didn’t you or anyone else tell him sooner? Your grandfather died, he was a child grieving, this false memory would have been so easy for a young kid to cling to in the midst of all that.
It seems so cruel to do this for years… ESH except your brother. ” SpaceAceCase
Another User Comments:
“YTJ for not telling him sooner. This is not like Santa or the Easter Bunny or unicorns or anything like that. This is something that could have happened and there was no way for him to know it didn’t happen.
There are better ways to cheer up a kid than lying to them. This is seriously insane that you allowed this to go on for so long. If my family had told me I met someone or had visited a specific country as a kid and had a photo that looked real I would believe it I don’t have much of a memory at that age and anyone who says they do probably have false memories like your sibling.
This is a horrible and weird thing to do to someone you care about.” inquisitivemind79
