People Get Irritable About These "Am I The Jerk?" Stories
22. AITJ For Deliberately Speaking In Different Languages To Upset My Friend?
“I (17F) have a friend group of four girls and two boys.
One of the other girls (let’s call her H) and I both know the same four languages. For both of us, the language of the country we live in is our fourth and weakest. We’re fluent, but it’s a very difficult language, so while we can communicate and people understand us, our speech isn’t perfect—we make mistakes and sometimes forget words.
When H and I talk to each other, we mix all four languages, which is obviously very confusing if you don’t understand them.
When we talk with other people, we obviously use only the language of our country, but sometimes, if we forget a word, we’ll say it in another language and look to each other for help translating.
One of our friends has recently started complaining that we speak in languages she doesn’t understand and that it’s rude. At first, it wasn’t a big deal—she’s known for teasing us as her love language, so we didn’t take it seriously.
A few days ago, our group met up, and H and I started talking about K-pop. I got excited because there’s a new group I like, and I had been wanting to tell her about them for a while. In my excitement, I blanked out in the local language and decided that, since no one else in the group cared about K-pop, I could just speak in another language.
I didn’t even get five words out before this friend blew up. She started yelling at me, saying I need to learn to speak the language because I live here now (in much ruder words). I don’t like being yelled at, so I kind of froze and went quiet.
The others calmed her down, but it was awkward afterward. I wasn’t talking much, and everyone else was short with her. We all went home about an hour later.
When I calmed down, I called H, and we decided that from now on, whenever this friend is around, we would only speak in languages she doesn’t understand.
We’ve been doing that since, and she has been losing her mind. She’s yelled so much that she’s started to lose her voice, and four teachers have told her to stop.
At first, our group laughed and played along, pretending to understand us, but in the last two days, they’ve started telling us that we’re taking it too far and that she’s genuinely upset.
Are we in the wrong?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Your ‘friend’ articulated how she felt, and you and H chose not to take her seriously. You could have pushed back on what she was saying, considered a compromise…but you didn’t. You kept doing it; she lost her rag – all predictable.
She shouldn’t have yelled, but equally, you should have listened to her the first time. Up to this point, my judgment would have been E S H. But then you and H started deliberately doing this to wind her up. You absolutely intended to upset her.
That is jerk behaviour. I don’t think you should be calling her a friend because it simply isn’t honest.” happybanana134
Another User Comments:
“ESH. As a bilingual person myself, I understand being excited to speak in a language you understand and another person understands to communicate your excitement.
I do think that your friend has some issues. Have you asked her what she’s having issues with? Does she think that you’re talking about her? Does she feel left out of your friendship duo? I do think YTJ when you kept being petty for how she’s reacting; she’s just communicating her frustration and just going about it the wrong way.
Friendship takes communication! Edit: turned from NTJ to ESH” Sensitive_Main_6447
Another User Comments:
“I work with a group of immigrants from one country who all speak the same language. Our workplace has an English only policy, as we’re in Canada. They speak their native language amongst themselves constantly.
I am often surrounded by 4 or 5 people speaking a language I don’t understand. On the evening shift, when there are only 4 of us scheduled, I can go an entire night without understanding a single word being spoken and not being able to engage in the conversation.
It’s very isolating and exclusionary and quite rude. And frustrating because I’m friendly with most of them. What you are engaging in with your friend is bullying. You need to talk to her and apologize for your behavior, and she needs to find a way to express her frustration more appropriately.
Albeit unintentionally, you’ve been antagonizing her for quite some time and are now intentionally and constantly doing so. Stop it.” ptheresadactyl
21. AITJ For Not Wanting My Partner To Share My Sacred Bed With Her Friend?
“My partner (F34) and I (M35) are living together. We are renting a 2 bed 1 bath apartment.
One room is for guests as we often have friends come around so they can sleep over if they want, although it’s just one queen bed. The lease is under my name, and I pay 2/3 of the rent and bills while my partner takes care of the remaining 1/3.
Although we are not married yet, we are planning to get married sometime this year or next year. So, I’m a big believer that our room, where my partner and I sleep, should be our sacred space. I never let any of my friends even come into our room, let alone sleep on our bed. It’s my (our) personal space, sacred even.
It’s where all my stuff is, and it’s where we make love (obviously). There have been a few instances where friends did enter our room, but they never slept on our bed.
Currently, I am out of town, and my partner had her friends come over for a sleepover.
They are all females, and they are my friends too. The thing is, our place is small, with only two queen beds, and there’s one small couch in the living room. We do have some extra comforters and pillows, so sometimes when more than three friends are sleeping over, we can let them sleep in the living room—either on the couch or on the floor (with comforters, pillows, and blankets)—and, of course, two or three friends can sleep on the queen bed in the guest room.
Tonight, my partner calls and tells me she plans to let one female friend sleep with her on our bed. The other three girls are sleeping in the guest room. I am not comfortable with this at all. I can compromise by letting her sleep on our bedroom floor (with blankets and all, of course), but not on our actual bed. In fact, there’s a couch in the living room.
She flipped out on me. Even her friend asked if I was comfortable with her sleeping on our bed. I told her, “No, I’m not comfortable.” It’s my space, my bed. I don’t want other people to get into my safe space. So, am I the jerk for not letting a female friend sleep on our bed with my partner and asking her to sleep in the living room?
My partner says that this would waste a perfectly good bed. Bear in mind I am not even there. I’m just not comfortable.”
Another User Comments:
“So when did this sub start going against a person’s wishes in their own home? It’s not an insane request, not everyone’s cup of tea, but that’s besides the point.
And another aspect, this reads as if the partner already knows the partner’s preferences. So wouldn’t she already know the answer before asking the question? NTJ.” Harlequin_Duck
Another User Comments:
“This is wild to me, but I understand this is something that varies widely across cultures.
I am super weird about my space too. I don’t like people coming over; when they do, I don’t like it when they go upstairs. If they do go upstairs, I hope they don’t go into my bedroom. But I cannot fathom telling a guest to sleep on the floor or couch when there is a spot on a bed, especially when they are a friend or family member (a strange new person is kind of a toss-up).
They are not displacing your sleeping space if you are not there. You can wash sheets and blankets immediately. I don’t know if it’s a friend of yours; I’d let them sleep there with no questions asked. From a guest’s perspective, I really wouldn’t care either way, but I’m usually just thankful they have a spot for me either way.
But I also know some cultures will sleep on their floors for their guests, where I would never do that. So I really can’t say if YTJ or not… I am happy you two came to an understanding!” Worth_Holiday_217
20. AITJ For Quitting As Maid Of Honour After Friend Demanded Excessive Wedding Expenses?
“Emma, 23, female, and I, 21, female, have been friends since kindergarten. Despite her being 2 years older, she’s always been nice to me, but in present times she got engaged last year and asked me to be her maid of honour, to which I agreed. I’ve been helping her with wedding planning at her engagement party.
I was told that I was responsible for buying her wedding dress, the cake, the bridal shower, and the bachelorette party. I personally thought that it was too much to expect from one person.
I started making a budget for the expenses. After speaking to her about the cake choices, I reached out to an old acquaintance and asked her to bake the cake for me, which I got at a reasonable price.
Two weeks after ordering the cake and making down payments, we went dress shopping. I told her that the budget for the dress would be $2000 to $3000, as I knew that she could get a nice dress for that price, and she agreed. Then, while at the bridal shop, she fell in love with a dress that she said she must have.
After the salesgirl told her the price, I gently reminded her of the budget. She got angry and started shouting, calling me all sorts of horrible names. Then, she told me that I’m cheap and that I’m not a good maid of honour. I was hurt and started to cry, and then I left the bridal shop.
After speaking with a friend about it, she suggested that I step down as the maid of honour, to which I agreed. After a week of taking a break from wedding planning, I took Emma out to lunch. I broke the news to her, and she said that I’m a jerk for even considering it and that it’s too late for me to back out now that the wedding is six months away.
I said that I will still finish payment on the cake, but I will only be attending the wedding as a guest. Her response was that I will either attend as the maid of honour or not at all. So, am I the jerk or not.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Not sure where you are from but here in the US most of those are NOT costs that a maid of honour is normally responsible for. Emma is being completely irrational and it’s in your own best interest to simply not go to the wedding.
Perhaps your friendship with Emma should be a closed chapter in your life.” Stranger0nReddit
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but your friend sure is. You don’t pay for the dress and the cake! You plan the bridal shower and bachelorette party and get some financial assistance from the other bridesmaids.
She is really taking advantage of you, and she doesn’t care. Walk away from this friendship, please. She is using you. Don’t even go to the wedding. Her demands are ridiculous and insulting.” goldenfingernails
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – Who in the heck pays for the bride’s dress, cake, etc.?
She does not, the MOH. You’re probably the friend with the most money; stop giving her money and doing everything for her when you have your own life. Tell her you’ll go to her next wedding as she is only 23. Stop letting her walk all over you, and don’t pay for the cake either.
She has no respect for you. Anyone who talks crap to me because I’m not spending my money on them will learn real quick to shut their mouth. Block her and move on.” Clear-Ad-5165
19. AITJ For Pressuring My Partner To Get A Credit Card For Our Travel?
“Me, M26, and F23 have been in a relationship for almost three years. We love to travel together, and do so as much as we can, and our savings allow us to.
In not that long, we are going to a very touristy island, and I’ve seen many people online say that they have experienced their cards being hacked and money withdrawn out of nowhere on purchases they haven’t made, etc., and therefore it would be useful to have a credit card so that if we are unlucky it isn’t our money someone is getting, and insurance will cover it.
When I was 18, I got a credit card, and failed to pay it in time (quite a big amount) and due to some other factors. I was very financially immature and therefore didn’t see the consequences of this. I have paid everything back, and I now have a good-paying job, and I know better than to let it get to that point ever again.
But because of this and an agreement with my bank, I cannot get a credit card for another while, and I therefore asked my partner if she could take one out in her name to use on our travels, but she doesn’t want to.
She is from a family where both her mother and brother are buried in credit card debt, and she is understandably very scared of getting into the same situation.
She is very aware of her financial choices because of her family, which of course is very good, and she never uses money she doesn’t have. I tried to explain that we would pay it back right away, but it would work as a safe transfer so that our money is safe.
She still said no.
I brought it up again a little later, but she told me to stop pressing her about it and said “What would you know, you screwed up with it once as well”. She says I don’t know what I’m talking about, and that it has gone well other times and that it doesn’t matter.
She is now quite annoyed at me, and I can’t understand if I am the jerk here.”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Let’s review. At 18, you racked up so much debt that you still can’t get approved for a credit card 8 years later (weird btw, since collections fall off your credit report in 7 I think).
Your partner comes from a family that shares the same money habits, so she’s seen the consequences firsthand and wants to protect herself. You’re over here going “c’mon babe, it’ll be different this time” and continuing to press her after she said no?
If your partner needs to get a credit card in order for you to book travel, you can’t afford that trip right now. I’m sorry. It sounds like you could still use some financial literacy lessons.” nefarious_planet
Another User Comments:
“It is a good way of thinking and I think it seems like you are more aware of your financial choices now.
You shouldn’t have put that pressure on her, it’s ultimately up to her and there is no reason for her to have a cc if she doesn’t want one. But I feel like people in these comments are blowing it out of proportion.
It doesn’t seem like they can’t afford a trip, he was suggesting a way to keep their money safe. Of course, other ways to go about it tho!! But it doesn’t seem like he is asking her to get a cc so he can use it for himself.
But as others have made him aware, there are different options for this, so I think that’s the smartest thing to do here.” Original-Salt-3429
Another User Comments:
“YTJ, you messed up your credit and now you want her to get a credit card so that you can both use it.
I don’t know if I would trust you with paying me back for the expenses on the credit card. I did this with my partner once and I ended up $3,000 in debt that he still hasn’t paid me back for. She’s also seen from you and her parents what happens when you have a lot of debt and it’s understandable that she doesn’t want to have a credit card.
My mom’s got herself in a lot of credit card debt. When she finally got it paid off, she didn’t get another credit card and only paid for things in cash. Even things that required a check, she paid for in cash so that she knew the money was out of her account and she could only spend what she had.” Electrical_Ad4362
18. AITJ For Needing Alone Time In An Overly Clingy Relationship?
“My partner and (both 23) have been in a relationship for about 2 months at this point, and I’d see each other an average of 4–5 days a week.
Personally, I am more introverted and need more alone time to mentally and emotionally recharge than most people probably would; however, my partner, on the contrary, doesn’t want alone time and wishes to be around me even more often than we are. It’s gotten to the point where I feel like every time we hang out at night, she asks me to sleep over, whether at my house or hers (we both still live with our parents; the only thing is her parents love me, while mine, on the other hand, HATE me spending time with her).
Regardless of how my parents feel, although it doesn’t help, after being with her all day multiple days a week, sometimes I just want to go home and be by myself; but any time I bring that up to her, she has a mental breakdown.
It’s happened so many times where I’ll say I want to go home, and she’ll take it very personally and say things like I’m never there for her and no one ever is, that I don’t care about her as much as she cares about me, among a whole bunch of other things, and she says every time that she “can’t keep doing this.” This puts me in a spot where I either have to leave her upset and crying at around 4 A.M. or reluctantly choose to stay with her overnight, even if I’m completely drained, which she doesn’t seem to understand—even though she says she does and that she’ll give me more time to myself—but then she’ll ask to hang out the next day after all of that.
And it’s even worse on nights when “something” happens and she gets upset, which is more often than not because she has a hostile relationship with her parents and is constantly sick and in pain because she has gastroparesis and possibly fibromyalgia (although the doctors aren’t sure yet), which ends up making her physically check out for sometimes hours because of the pain.
I just kind of have to sit there and wait for her to be done, but either way, it makes me feel like crap regardless of what I do when she’s like that. I feel like I have to put my foot down and just leave sometimes, or else she might start being conditioned to the idea that crying = I stay.
I honestly just don’t know what to do, and I don’t know if I’m the jerk here for trying to set this boundary and telling her I want to spend less time with her, even though I really do care about her.
Sometimes, it’s just a lot for me to handle.”
Also, for more context, I think it’s important to add that right now I work part time and plan to go full time soon, while she does not work. But sometimes, me going to work upsets her, and I told her that I don’t like sleepovers when I have work in the morning.
She also doesn’t have any friends who live in-state, so I’m literally the only person she has, which I feel puts a lot of pressure on me to compensate for that.
Another User Comments:
“You’re NTJ — yet. If you stay with her, however, you’re doing a great disservice to both of you.
You are an introvert and you know it. You need downtime to recharge. She is a class-1 clinger. She wants you with her every minute. Nothing is particularly wrong with either approach, but you are entirely incompatible. (I know it’s lame, but there’s a reason your parents don’t like her, and it’s probably that she’s so clingy and they know she’s not a good fit for you.
Her parents probably love you because you take her neediness off their hands.) The fact that she has full-on meltdowns and guilt trips you into staying — disregarding your own needs — is a massive red flag. You have the right to what you feel and need — you have the right to protect your peace and mental well-being.
You need to walk away from this.” LininOhio
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but your partner definitely is. You have needs (alone time) and she’s completely disregarding that. Plus, her reactions to your requests to meet your needs scream manipulation. She says she understands that you need alone time, but her actions show that she doesn’t actually care and is unwilling to compromise.
More simply, you need more alone time; she needs more together time. You may not be compatible in that way.” InjectedMusic2Brain
17. AITJ For Demanding My Independence Instead Of Accepting My Sister's Unsolicited Help With My Cooking?
“To preface, I (24M) and my younger siblings still live with our mommy and daddy for a myriad of reasons I can’t be bothered to get into. I’m waiting on a “Yes” or “No” from a bunch of applications so I can start the process of leaving.
It all just makes me feel like crap in ways 13, 17, 20, 22-year-old me could not even conceive.
Anyway, to the incident. I’ve been cooking for myself for a while and noticed a level of disdain and spite, primarily from my sister (~22F) and mother (~50F).
They call me obsessed, say I’m “starving” myself but also insist I’m gluttonous. Because you need to eat higher volumes of healthy food—food I paid for with my own money, the money I’ve been rationing since I was let go—to stay healthy instead of trying to starve myself off half a handful of Cheerios and hot dogs.
Sorry, straight to the incident. I was meal prepping and peeling off foil paper to wrap potatoes. My younger sister walks in. Around the same time, I accidentally tore off too much and split it into two. A useless strip that now must be wasted. She says, “You can’t do that!
You’re wasting foil paper,” grabs the container out of my hand, and starts peeling it for me. I tell her I was using it, and she tells me, no, “I’m trying to show you how to tear it right so you don’t make that mistake again.”
So I sit there, watching her tear it off for me, a 24-year-old man. She pulls a ton out. I tell her, “That’s too much.” She shortens it. “Is that enough?” I just tell her to let me tear off my own foil. She says, “No. I’m trying to show you how to not make that mistake.
Is this enough?”
This is where I may be a jerk: I felt like I was being treated like a toddler. This happens repeatedly—when I try to cook, sign up for classes, or clean up after myself—she or Mom will interject and do it for me, claiming I can’t do anything for myself.
So I grab the foil, pull downward, and finish wrapping my potatoes.
Immediately, she has tears in her eyes, saying she can’t believe I would do that, that she was trying to “help” me, and I’m weird and wrong for not accepting her “help.” That I never listen, and no one can “show” me how to do anything.
I told her three things while she was following me around the house, screaming: You inserted yourself into my business. You don’t have a right to be upset if it doesn’t affect you.
I don’t like being treated like a child. You don’t need to “show” me how to tear foil, clean up, or open a can of beans (that I bought with my own money).
You’re a grown woman and need to stop aggravating yourself. This had nothing to do with you.
I go upstairs while she’s still yelling, and I overhear her, still with tears in her eyes, telling Mom and Dad how I never listen, how I upset her on purpose, and how “You can’t teach him anything.”
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ it was a power play by her to make herself feel superior and needed. Screw that, she should get back in her lane and not interfere in your business. I bet she would blow her stack if you tried to teach her the “correct” way to do anything if she made a small mistake while doing something.” FlappingHeck
Another User Comments:
“Please for the love of god, don’t say ‘mommy and daddy’ if you don’t want people to immediately be like ‘something freaking weird goin’ on here’. That said… something freaking weird goin’ on here. NTJ tentatively but like… what the heck is your family?
What is it with people all around the world being unable to stand up for themselves to their families? They are just people. Treat them like you would literally anyone who wasn’t them for about 5 minutes and you’ll quickly realize that you give them far too much ground.” Spare_not_the_guilty
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, it sounds like growing friction as you all age, OP. Just try to keep things level and chill in the near future until you get that job (Because you will, keep at it.) and can leave. It happens when we get bigger and more independent, all that space that seemed so vast when we were young suddenly gets so, so tight.
Family dynamics change and not everyone adapts to them. When the family is still all together, that lack of adaptation continuously grates. Let’s be real, you didn’t get frustrated at your sister over the foil. It was over every other little way she and your mother seem to still treat you like a kid who needs help.
To that note – escalating into screaming and following you to scream at you is just wild. That’s some crazy behavior no adult should be participating in, even if you acted harshly after being treated like a toddler after a common kitchen mistake.” SnickeringSnack
16. AITJ For Not Picking Sides When A Friend Tried To Force Change?
“I (34F) have two friends (35F and 35M) who have always joked around harshly with each other.
I’ve known her since we were 13, and they met when they were 17. She included him in our group, and after some time he became my friend because we had a lot in common. We have all traveled together and everything.
The thing is, recently, she changed (became more spiritual and also a mom) and we, of course, understand it, but it seems like she wants the others to change along with her.
(By the way, her husband is not a problem here; he is also a friend of the group, and our friend is gay, so it is not about that.)
She told him that she no longer wants to joke around, and he understood. However, he told her that if something slipped out, she should understand that changes aren’t immediate.
In the end, he didn’t change the way she wanted, and she even feels like he’s doing it on purpose to hurt her. (He says he is not and that she exaggerates because she doesn’t like that behavior anymore.)
As for me, I’ve never joked like that with either of them.
We have a great friendship; we tell each other everything, etc. She stopped talking to him. Recently, she told me she felt betrayed because I continued talking to him. She even told me that he was her friend and I was hers, and yes, but like 18 years ago—I mean, after all that time, we became friends for other reasons, not just because we know her.
He’s still my friend; we’ve traveled together to concerts, and now we have a new group with other people we recently met, and with her, I still have the original group, and we remain friends, but she still makes little comments about the situation.
He hasn’t done anything to me, and personally, I don’t think he did anything unforgivable to her to the point where I should end my friendship with him. Am I wrong for not picking a side and being friends with both? By the way, it doesn’t bother him that I maintain my friendship with her, nor has he made any comments about it.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Some friendships just drift apart as people grow up and change. She has no right to tell you you can’t be friends with her. If I were you, I would tell her she needs to get over the fact that you two are still friends, and that it is not up for debate so stop bringing it up.” 13tharcher87
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She has no right to tell other people to change just because she’s decided to, and she sounds like she’s become very controlling. Just because she ‘saw him first’ doesn’t mean she gets to dictate his friendships with anyone from the group he met subsequently.
She hasn’t been taking psychedelics by any chance, has she? It’s like a mirror, and sometimes people become enamoured with the reflection of their own ‘more spiritual than thou’ attitude. They can become quite intolerable. If she tries to force an ultimatum, I would choose his friendship over hers.” Keely369
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Unless actual harm is involved, a friend who tries to guilt you into dropping another friend is a jerk. I don’t see harm here. Contextually, I think that M-friend probably didn’t try to change that much. Even the original ask was questionable, but your examples of things put a pretty nice point on it.
What your F-friend wants, now that she’s newly spiritual and becoming a conservative mom, is to not be called out on objectionable things. The comment about not letting a son wear girls’ clothes, in a group that includes LGBTQ+ people, is easily objectionable. She should have been called out there.
While there are social circles that she can access that would support that, I don’t think the old circle is that group. And I suspect that M-friend got that vibe and so has not actually put effort into the changes she wants, because the changes she wants are permission to be more socially conservative around friends who will object to that.” rockology_adam
15. AITJ For Leaving My Shared Dorm Room Unlocked Even Though My Roommate Has Strict Security Rules?
“I’m currently a dorm student who has one other roommate. My roommate has a lot of rules when it comes to locking the doors and windows.
She’s insistent that I keep the door locked at all times and the windows locked whenever we’re not at the dorm. Our window is a sliding window with a mesh screen to let air in, and it’s barred from the inside, secured with a lock.
But because our window is always kept closed when we’re not in the dorm, it’s always hot and humid inside the room when I get back, even if it’s freezing outside. I suspect this is from a lack of air circulation in the room.
For the most part, I can understand where she’s coming from. One day, I went downstairs to our dorm lobby to use the microwave. When I come back, I realize I left my key in the room and the door is locked. I knock on the door, assuming that she would open it for me.
I even said that I forgot to bring my key with me downstairs. I received no response, so I approached our dorm staff to see if I could borrow a spare key. They let me borrow one, and I got inside. To my surprise, she was in the dorm the whole time.
She’s sitting in her bed, which is located right next to the door. She makes no comment when I get inside and completely ignores me. I let this whole situation pass without saying anything.
A few days ago, I ordered some food to be delivered and I’m eating it in the room.
I go outside to grab it, lock the door as I leave, but I forget to lock the door once I am back inside. She comes back from her classes and sees the door is unlocked, but she walks and sees me. She complains about the door being unlocked and how I could’ve potentially let in other people.
I didn’t see what the big deal was since I was inside anyway, but I knew I still owed her an apology, so I apologized.
Just today, both of us left for class, but I accidentally left the window open, though I still locked the door.
She sends me a long message once she gets back and sees the window open, saying how people could’ve gotten in and stolen her laptop that she left right at her desk. She tells me how her things could’ve gotten damaged, although I don’t see how.
She calls me irresponsible for leaving the window open. I tell her that she’s overreacting, since our window is right across the other side of the room from her desk. There have been other issues with her, like taking up the majority of the space and overall being disruptive, but my parents told me I should just let those things slide to avoid conflict.
I’ve done my best to just nod and apologize, but I draw the line with her calling me irresponsible just because she is overreacting.
For a little bit more information, I’m confident in our dorm’s security. The whole place has a gate where you have to scan your fingerprint to prove you’re a resident, or list your name and leave an ID at the gate if you’re a visitor.
Not to mention, our building has another fingerprint system to ensure that you’re a resident of that building before you can get inside.”
Another User Comments:
“Her taking up most of the space in a shared room is an issue, and her being disruptive (I assume while you’re trying to sleep?) is also an issue.
Both of these are things you should take up with her — separately — from any conversations you have about the “locking up” issue. But YTJ specifically for not locking the doors and windows. Sure, security may prevent shady folks from outside the school from getting into your room… but it won’t prevent classmates from getting into your room.
If I learned anything in college, it’s that college kids are just as petty, if not pettier than high schoolers, and some of them will steal or mess with your stuff if you give them the chance. Locking up is a basic necessity of living in a space with a large population.
If stagnant air is the issue, get a box fan.” Guilty-Supermarket51
Another User Comments:
“YTJ, It might not be a big deal to you, but this is a shared space. You have to respect the request of your dormmates as long as they are reasonable.
Do the dishes, clean up, don’t party after 10. And locking up when you leave is a big one. Granted if you are just popping down to grab some DoorDash, keeping it unlocked in my opinion is not a big deal, but if it is for your dormmate, then you gotta either move out or respect it.” JRSwampFOX
Another User Comments:
“ESH… I think she was overreacting and being rude with the long message and by not letting you in (if she heard you), but that doesn’t mean you can just leave stuff open. Taking keys with you and locking doors and windows is an important habit to hold onto no matter how safe you think you are.
Not only that, but she doesn’t feel safe and I can understand why, even if the security is good. It doesn’t hurt you to lock the doors and windows. It could hurt her to leave them open.” BathroomTight6112
14. AITJ For Telling My Friend His Dog Can't Be Allowed On My New Carpet?
“So I (38M) have known my friend (40M) for a year or two. I met him because my wife (37F) found him in an online group and we hired him to help us move.
Anyway, we hung out once or twice since then. It was nice to have a late night drinking buddy. I got in touch not so long ago because I’m moving again and have renovations to do, and I wanted to hire help with them. We hung out once or twice before moving.
He has a LOT of moving jobs and accumulates a lot of used stuff that clients don’t need. He offered to give me some of that stuff and sell me some of it too. Very generous of him. Last night, he called to ask if I was available for him to drop off some stuff.
I said he should come around and join me and my wife for the movie we’re watching, and I asked if his wife (40ish F) wanted to come over too.
He arrived in his truck, sans wife, but did bring his dog (8M) with him.
The dog is a cute little thing. Not exactly a poodle, but not a big dog either. Pretty non-threatening. My friend said repeatedly that the dog was very clean and only ever lives inside, so I let them both in. After hanging out for a few minutes and bringing in the stuff he dropped off, we migrated from a couple of rooms (entrance and office with ceramic and vinyl flooring) to another (living room with carpet).
That carpeted room appears to have new carpet, from what I can tell. I don’t know; we just moved in. It looks clean and nice.
The dog seemed to be clean; it was hard to tell. But he did smell. Not awful, just a regular dog smell.
I’m feeling a bit ambivalent about having this dog in my new house with the new carpet. Smells can linger. And if I’m not exactly a dog guy, my wife REALLY doesn’t like dogs. She’s not allergic, but she got knocked over by a pack of strays when she was a child, and she’s been dog-phobic ever since.
She wasn’t too scared of this particular little dog, but she was still a bit nervous, maybe. And she’s pretty sensitive about the carpet; she told us both to take our shoes off when we went inside on moving day. But she’s not going to speak up for herself in this situation until afterward.
So I said to my friend, “Look, can the dog wait outside while you’re here?” I’m not sure if he understood me to mean out in the other room with ceramic flooring (it’s sort of an entrance room to the house) or to sit out in his truck.
I meant just to stay in the other room. It’s a bit colder in there too, maybe like 60–75 degrees instead of 70 inside. But perhaps he understood it to mean his truck. It’s quite a bit colder still out there; it must have been like 45 degrees outside here last night.
He’s like, “NO, dude, this dog is like my child. I had him for eight years; he’s my inside dog, not like my other messy dogs. If you can’t handle my dog, I’m not hanging with you!” He stormed off. He was so angry. He told me not to contact him again.
I’m not considering cutting him off (posting about that would be an r/AITJ violation), but he told me he’s cutting me off.
Am I the jerk for telling my friend his dog has to stay off the carpet?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It’s your home, you get to decide whether or not you want dogs in the house, on the carpet, etc. More than just smell, even the best-behaved dogs are capable of damaging stuff, so it’s perfectly reasonable to set that boundary, especially in a new place.
Your friend, in that case, is also well within reason to want to go home if his dog is not welcome. He should have asked to bring the dog anyway, as it is not reasonable to expect everyone to just be okay with random dogs.
But storming off and using this to say he never wants to see you again was an immature response on his part, and I don’t think you’re missing out on anything by him cutting you off.” Fun_Effective6846
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. A respectful dog owner should never assume their dog can just come to someone’s house without checking with them ahead of time.
I considered my dogs my kids, but I also understood some people are uncomfortable around dogs and/or have allergies, and I respected that, as one should. If he wants to end the friendship over this, that’s too bad for him, but you did nothing wrong.” Stranger0nReddit
Another User Comments:
“A responsible dog owner ASKS before bringing their dog to your home, regardless of how long you have been in said home, the age of the carpet also being irrelevant. Now, if you’ve known this guy for eons and have an established routine that involves him bringing his dog over, that’s a little different.
Assumptions can safely be made under such circumstances. The situation you described is NOT this circumstance! NTJ.” mumtaz2004
13. AITJ For Setting Boundaries With My Overbearing MIL Over Baby Ultrasound?
“My husband and I are expecting our first baby in June this year.
It is the first grandchild on both sides of the family. My MIL was always a bit crazy prior to me getting pregnant, but she seems to have gone up a notch now. She has said things like “I can’t wait to tell people I’m going to be a mum again,” told someone I was pregnant, and when they doubted her, she reassured them by saying “no, look at how fat she’s getting” while I was standing beside them, and made a complete song and dance about how she needed to be the first person to buy our baby clothes and our “it’s going home from hospital” outfit.
The list goes on about how she’s amazing and that no one will ever birth children like she did.
What really tipped me over the edge recently was the scan of the baby. For context, we live in the UK and you are provided with two ultrasound scans—one at 12 weeks and another at 20 weeks.
They will usually print three or four pictures of the scan for you to take, but these are the ones they choose, and you’re given what you’re given. When we went to visit, I had shown the first 12‑week scan and she demanded to keep it.
I explained that as it’s a free scan with the NHS, we only get a few, and she can’t keep it as it is special to us. I did, however, take a photocopy of it to give to her. This is no longer good enough for the 20‑week scan, and she is now calling me and telling my husband that he needs to bring her one of the scan photos as it’s her grandchild too.
I am now fed up having to explain to my husband how this woman makes me feel horrible by calling me fat and now demanding that she gets one of our scans that really means a lot to me. He doesn’t get it and ends up in a fight.
AITJ for telling her that I do appreciate that she is excited about my child, but that she needs to back off because it’s our child and not hers?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your MIL is off the wall. You and your husband need to set up boundaries quickly, or it will become worse.
When the baby arrives, she is going to act like she is the mother. With regard to clothes, etc., tell MIL that you have already bought things and immediately hand the clothes back to her. Your husband needs to protect you from MIL for both your health and sanity.
Do not tell her when you are in labor, do not tell her which hospital you are going to, and be prepared to tell her NO when she demands to be in the delivery room with you. No more scans for MIL. This is your medical procedure.
I suspect she would just go around and show everyone the scan. By the way, the comment about “you being fat” is disgusting and shows no respect for you. If your husband won’t stop MIL, you need to develop a shiny spine and say no when needed. Do not take any crap from her.
Do not let her trap your baby. Be vocal and don’t be afraid to protect your baby and yourself from MIL.” Wild_Midnight_1347
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You need to have a serious sit-down with your husband now. He needs to decide this second if he’s on your team or not.
He needs to PROTECT HIS WIFE AND CHILD from the stress of his psycho mother. You might need counseling together—do it fast, well before the birth. This woman needs to be blocked from the hospital and given NO information about your birth. If she isn’t put in her place immediately, it’s going to get much worse.
He needs to handle this. I’m so sorry you’re going through this.” cyan_hit333
Another User Comments:
“Tell your husband: ‘Your mother is upsetting me. That’s not up for debate. It’s a fact. Since she’s your mother, you handle her, and I’ll handle mine. I need you to get a backbone and stand up for me.
I’m your wife. I’m supposed to be first in your life.’ First, tell her she’s getting a photocopy of the ultrasound, not the original. If that’s not good enough, the other option is nothing. ‘I don’t want you calling her when I go into labor.
I don’t want her stressing me out in the hospital. You can call her when the baby is born.’ She needs to call and ask if she can come over—no drop-ins. That’s going to be the rule for everyone. Can you handle that?
As for you, it’s okay to stand up for yourself. When she says she’s excited about being a mum again, tell her no: you’re going to be a grandmum. I’m the mum.’ When she demands that you choose her outfit for the baby to come home in, say, ‘We’ll see.
It depends on our choice since it’s our baby.’ NTJ.” wordsmythy
12. AITJ For Inviting My FWB Over And Causing A Fight In Our Shared Flat?
“I’m a 20-year-old living with my best friend of six years. We’re both in our second year of university and have been sharing a flat this year, which has mostly worked well until recently. My flatmate’s partner has started staying over frequently.
She has some health issues, including seizures triggered by stress. I’ve been accommodating when he has asked for her to stay over, even when I wasn’t comfortable, because it’s a shared flat, and I understand compromises need to be made.
However, things have become frustrating.
When I started seeing someone (a FWB with emotional aspects), my flatmate was reluctant to have them over, saying he didn’t know them and didn’t want them staying over. I respected that but found it unfair since I’ve compromised for his partner many times.
One night, my FWB stayed over unexpectedly after missing their bus. We stayed quietly in my room, not disturbing my flatmate at all, but my flatmate slammed doors and stormed out at 3 a.m. He later accepted my apology, and I thought things were resolved.
Yesterday, I brought my FWB back to the flat for food and a smoke after we had been hanging out. I checked with his partner, who was staying at the flat while my flatmate was at work, and she said she wasn’t fussed if I brought my FWB back.
We smoked in my flatmate’s room with her consent, as I asked her several times if she was sure that we could go in there, as I wasn’t sure if my flatmate would like us in there. I offered to smoke in the lounge instead, but his partner said it was fine.
My flatmate came home from work early (I think his partner texted him about my FWB being back at the flat), and he immediately started yelling at me, accusing me of disrespect. I stayed calm, but when he continued hurling insults, including telling me to kill myself, I stood up to ask him to stop.
He pushed me, which led to a physical altercation that my FWB had to break up.
His main issue was that I brought my FWB back, despite agreeing they wouldn’t stay over, and that we were in his room. I had cleared that with his partner and wasn’t aware of any rules beyond “no staying over.” My FWB was only back at the flat for some food and a smoke.
There was no plan for them to stay over, as I had agreed with my flatmate. He claimed his partner was stressed and might have seizures because of meeting a new person, but I don’t think that’s my responsibility, especially considering we could have stayed out of her way if she had told us, as I did ask.
This is our flat, not his and hers. I feel like I’ve constantly compromised, but he refuses to do the same for me. Every time I ask, he says he doesn’t want my FWB staying around but wouldn’t mind them staying another time, yet that time never seems to come around.
AITJ for feeling this way?”
Another User Comments:
“The partner is a guest. She’s not a tenant. She doesn’t get to make rules in YOUR house. If she’s uncomfortable with who you have in YOUR house, she needs to go to HER house. You did set yourself up for part of this, though.
Smoking in his room was moronic. You shouldn’t have asked her or done that under any circumstances. Your living arrangement is already precarious. Don’t do stupid stuff like smoking in your roommate’s room without his express permission,” fancyandfab
Another User Comments:
“ESH. Your flatmate sounds like he needs to live alone – it’s ridiculous and unfair for him to have a rule that he can bring guests over but you can’t.
You also suck because checking with his partner if you can bring your FWB over and smoke in his room is not the same as checking with him, and I bet you knew that, which is why you asked her instead.” Mean_Introduction543
11. AITJ For Not Letting My Mum Stay In My New House?
“My mum has been living with my family and me for about 7 months, while she was supposed to be looking for another house.
In this time, she did not go to a single inspection. I suspect she didn’t even apply for anything either. We had a separate room, detached from the main house, where she was staying with her cats and dogs. While this wasn’t ideal, we weren’t in each other’s living spaces and it was okay.
We have just moved house. I gave 2 months’ notice that this was happening. It was only then that she applied for public housing and tried to get help for being homeless, but she didn’t continuously follow up to get the proper assistance. I’m now being blamed and guilted because I won’t make space in my new house for her to stay.
I would, but she doesn’t respect boundaries. She regularly goes off her antidepressant/anxiety medication, and doesn’t look after or clean up after her animals or herself. We had a strict no smoking policy in the property (outside was fine), and she still smoked inside, where occasionally she’d fall asleep with a smoke and had burn marks on her bedding.
There was no smoke detector in that space, so it really put our lives and her grandchild’s life at risk. I brought this up several times, and she said she wouldn’t smoke inside there, but just did whatever she wanted.
She wouldn’t clean up after the dogs.
She would leave poo everywhere until I had to ask her to clean it. She wouldn’t keep the cat litter boxes clean. She even dug dirt out of my garden beds because she couldn’t afford cat litter, since she’d spent all her money on smokes.
She wouldn’t pay the small $100 a month I was asking for electricity. She would borrow money and then not pay it back.
When we moved, the room and the areas around it were disgusting, and she’s in denial about the state she left them in.
Now this is where I might be the jerk (and I really feel like one). We now have a bigger house; however, all rooms are designated, and I don’t want to give up space when I know it’s going to be trashed and not respected. I also know it’s going to cause drama between my partner and her because she doesn’t respect him and doesn’t like him.
Plus, I have trauma from childhood and early adulthood, which she will never admit to. So, it’s very triggering to be living in the same house as her. I feel my mood drop, and I am not a good partner or mother to my child.
I moved out of home before I was 22 because my mental health couldn’t cope with living with her and my brothers. I feel our relationship is very strained because of this.
But, at the end of the day, she is my mum. I do love her, and I don’t want her staying in a car without air conditioning.
I know she would make room for me if the situation were reversed.
So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“So, to summarize, your mother poses a health and safety threat to your family, as well as adding a great deal of mental and emotional pain. NTJ.
It is very unlikely your mother will suddenly turn a corner where she takes her depression seriously and does something about it. Unless you can somehow get her committed to a mental health facility, I don’t see that you have much choice” Necessary-Economy888
Another User Comments:
“People like that are survivors. She’ll find someone else to house her, but she won’t even begin to try until you have convinced her that she can’t make herself and her situation so pathetic that you come to her rescue. Again. Buckle up. It’s going to be a ride.
NTJ. She’s likely going to load up all the pets into her car and then park it and live in front of your new place and make a big performance of begging to use your bathroom, or something.” _s1m0n_s3z
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Just because it’s your mother, it doesn’t mean that you need to be responsible for her housing. She’s not putting your family first by doing what she says she will do and is putting them in jeopardy. You have her more than enough time to sort herself out and didn’t do it.” overlytiredmum
10. AITJ For Calling My Friend Slow And Dumb For Not Understanding A Simple Video?
“I have a friend whom a lot of people know is really slow and dumb.
When I talk to her, I get so annoyed sometimes because of how slow she is, and the questions she asks are just so…stupid… Also, a lot of people call her slow and dumb, and I know it annoys her. We have English class together, and she needed help with one of the assignments.
There is a video showing instructions on what to do, and everyone watches the video and completes the assignment, but she needed my help, which is totally fine.
However, the questions were not making sense, and I was getting so mad. After I showed her what to do, she kept asking, “Okay, now what am I supposed to do?” I told her to watch the video because the man literally shows and explains what to do, and she’s telling me she just doesn’t get it.
Everyone knows how to do it because they just watch the video! My response to most of her questions was, “You need to watch the video because he literally shows the step-by-step instructions on what to do,” and she would say, “I know, I watched the video like eight times and I don’t get it.
Can you just show me what to do?”
And I hadn’t even finished my assignment yet, and she was asking me to help. I know she is slow, so I didn’t want to ignore her, and I did want to help, and some people call me dumb sometimes too, so I understand how it feels to be called that all the time and not understand some things that others do.
But she was just being overly stupid and not even willing to learn. It was common sense.
At that point, she just wanted me to physically point out where she had to click, so basically I would do the assignment for her, but she was the one clicking it.
I was trying so hard to be patient with her, but the questions were just so dumb and she was being so dumb that I was getting extremely annoyed. I said, “I don’t really know what else to tell you; the video is literally what you have to do.
I don’t know how I’m supposed to explain it to you if you can’t understand what the man is saying without me just doing your assignment for you.”
Our other friend was beside us, and she called her annoying for asking dumb questions, and I didn’t call her annoying, but for some reason, it seemed like she was more annoyed at me than at her.
When I was the one trying to help her? And I know that saying “just watch the video” isn’t much help, but if she can’t understand a professional explaining things, how am I supposed to help without doing everything for her?
Then she got annoyed and told me, “Never mind, just forget it.” After she said that, I felt guilty because I knew what it’s like for people to be annoyed at me when I don’t understand something.
I said that I wanted to help her but couldn’t if she wasn’t willing to try and learn and watch the video again—like, just try to understand it, you know? It was very obvious that she was frustrating me, and I was getting somewhat mad at her, so then she got annoyed at me and stopped talking.
And it’s just so irritating.
I try to be patient and help, but not when you’re so slow to the point that I get mad when you talk. Sorry. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here, it’s not on you to help your friend, but it seems like your friend really needs help.
Have they been assessed for learning disabilities? Some neurodivergent people really struggle mentally to break tasks into subtasks, and it seems like that’s where the disconnect could be. It isn’t on you to make sure she gets the help she needs, but maybe it’s worth talking to your teacher or school counselor about what’s happening.” PossibilityHuman3617
Another User Comments:
“YTJ for calling her a friend. If you were really friends, you would have known better how to help or respond from a place of care. Even the way you write about her suggests that you feel less of her. There might be a reason for her to grasp things more slowly than others.
That does not make her a dumb person, however. Now to the subject: You could have simply said that you were not in a position to help because you had to focus on your own work. Or, if you offered to help, you could have walked through the video together with her to see what in the video she was having a hard time understanding.
It might as well be the phrasing or just a lack of familiarity with the words being used. By your story, you seem to be young. But just a little share: asking questions—no matter how simple they may seem—does not make someone dumb.
In fact, asking questions is a sign of curiosity, a willingness to learn, and critical thinking. Many great discoveries and innovations have come from people asking questions that others might have considered “dumb.” The smartest people are often those who are unafraid to ask questions and seek understanding.” Free-Ideal-5541
Another User Comments:
“Your friend is either placed in a class that she is really not able to handle, or she is playing dumb out of laziness. It’s hard to issue a judgment on her without knowing which it is. I have tutored people with learning disabilities, but I haven’t ever come across someone who was unable to do the classwork to this extent.
I do think that you are a slight jerk for how you treat her and talk about her. I wouldn’t ever speak of a friend this way, or even just a classmate who may have a learning disability. But I also wouldn’t continue to be friends with someone who tries to take advantage of my kindness without putting in their own effort.
So slight YTJ, but if we were able to get her honest viewpoint on the situation, it might alter my verdict.” polyetc
9. AITJ For RSVPing No To A Friend's Expensive Midweek Wedding?
“My partner and I (27M & 29M) have been invited to the wedding of my friends (both 30M). When they told us about the venue, they said it was out of their budget to have a weekend wedding there, but since it’s their dream venue, they are getting married on a Wednesday to save money.
We are also invited to stay at the venue with a few close friends a day either side of the wedding.
We received the RSVP a week ago, advising that if we wanted to stay for the whole thing (three nights) we would be charged £400 for food, drink and accommodation (the wedding day food is free).
It’s an expensive area, so I don’t mind contributing, but to me this is higher than I would expect considering the food on offer is very basic. It also doesn’t make sense for us to just come for the day, since it’s a nine-hour trip and we would have to arrange our own more expensive accommodation away from the venue.
I have researched transport options, since we do not have access to a car, and the cheapest return train journey is £350 and takes nine hours from our house to the venue. A coach is cheaper, but I am prone to car sickness, so it’s not an option.
We would also be paying around £50 in taxi fees on both ends, bringing the total cost of this wedding to £850. A lot of our friends are looking at similar costs, with one couple looking at a bill of close to £1,000.
Since the RSVP said to reach out if costs were an issue, I texted one of the grooms-to-be explaining that we are struggling to make this work.
He said he was looking into paying for taxis from the local train station since a lot of guests are coming by public transport. Obviously, that’s kind of him to offer, but for us it’s a tiny fraction of the bill and doesn’t change much.
I don’t want to offend the grooms since we have been friends for a very long time, but my partner and I really can’t make ends meet here. We are already travelling for the stag party a few weeks before the wedding, so we would still be able to spend some time with the grooms. But WIBTJ if I RSVPed no to their big day due to the affordability?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If you can’t afford it, or it puts you in an uncomfortable position financially if you tried to, then it is utterly reasonable to send your sincere regrets that you cannot attend, but wish them every happiness on the day. Anybody having a destination wedding has to accept that they will lose some of their guests because of the financial stress involved in attending.
It goes with the territory.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Remember an invite is just that, an invitation. You don’t HAVE to go—it’s not a summons. If you can’t afford it then that’s that! It’s sad you’ll miss it but if this is what the couple want then they’ll have to accept that not everyone is going to make it.
Especially a midweek wedding, a lot of people will not want to waste holiday on a wedding that’s hard to get to. I know it’s awkward but just RSVP no.” FlyGuy1922
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – If you choose to get married on a weekday you’re immediately making the decision to prioritise the cost over people attending (teachers, for example, can’t just take off in the middle of the school week).
Given the prices you reference I also wouldn’t be shocked if they’ve worked out a deal with the venue to reduce their costs if X number of guests take them up on overpriced lodging. Obviously speculation, but tbh it feels like they’re trying to get married at others’ expense and you absolutely WNBTA if you decide you can’t afford to do so.” Elivercury
8. AITJ For Calling Out Amanda's Premature Aging And Immaturity?
“I (20f) have a younger sister, “Kristine” (18f) who just started college. For most of middle and high school, Kristine was friends with “Amanda” (18f) and used to have a crush on her.
Amanda seemed nice at first, but I saw over time that she was actually very manipulative.
Amanda could tell Kristine had a crush on her, and she took advantage of my sister in a lot of ways. During their junior year, Kristine set boundaries with Amanda, and the “friendship” dissolved as soon as Amanda wasn’t able to use Kristine anymore.
Towards the end of the school year, Kristine’s school hosted a ceremony to give cords to all the students in the school’s honors chapter and award scholarships to a select few.
Every student came on stage to claim their cords, and Amanda was one of them.
This was the first time I saw Amanda in about three years, and she has not aged well at all. Amanda is only 18, but she looked over 30 or maybe even 35. Her body did not look like that of a teen or young adult, either. She could have easily passed for one of the parents at the event.
Kristine was one of the students who was awarded a scholarship. Amanda crossed her arms and refused to be a good sport by clapping. So clearly she still hasn’t matured much.
To celebrate Kristine’s first week of college, our parents took us out to dinner.
Kristine and I were teasing each other about embarrassing crushes we used to have in school. Kristine said that she couldn’t believe she used to like Amanda, and I replied with something along the lines of “Yeah, you definitely dodged a bullet there. Now her looks match her attitude.” Kristine laughed, and our parents didn’t say anything.
But they both came into my room when we got home from dinner to talk to me about it.
They said a lot of girls Kristine’s age act the way Amanda does, but they grow out of it, and at my age it isn’t acceptable to speak negatively about a teenager’s appearance.
It’s not as if I said this to Amanda’s face, though. But I would never make any negative comments about Amanda or anyone else if they were nice. I feel you aren’t obligated to only speak positively about someone who isn’t or wasn’t a nice person.
But are my parents right that I am the jerk and should have just bitten my tongue.”
Another User Comments:
“I’ll go with a mild YTJ. Don’t think ages here have much to do with this; it’s just not nice in general to look down on people because of their appearance.
You don’t know what they are going through; lots of things can age someone prematurely. I say mild YTJ because I don’t think you really meant this in a malicious way, but it does reflect a bit badly on you that you are judgmental of others’ appearances like this” smorkoid
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, it was between you and your sister. You both were just talking, celebrating, and having fun. The main thing is you weren’t saying it on her face but to your sister, and we talk like that among sisters/cousins. Seriously, no big deal. I don’t know why people are making such an issue out of it as if they’re all saints and haven’t complained about someone.” Cute-Specialist2791
Another User Comments:
“Light YTJ. It was sibling talk, so I get it, but I’m of the perspective that you should leave things people can’t change about themselves (appearance, disability, etc.). Sure, you’re never obligated to do anything, but your parents were right for correcting that habit before it gets worse.
And your parents are also right that kids in HS are just immature and could grow out of it.” sudsyotter
7. AITJ For Calling My Ex-Friend Out On Living With His Mother?
“I (24M) had a friend, Mark (25M), of 10 years with whom my ex-partner, Sarah (25F), was unfaithful last year.
Sarah was the one who told me, and she said she didn’t feel the same way about me after she was unfaithful, and that she was now in love with Mark and wanted to break up with me. I held back my tears and said that I wouldn’t beg her to stay with me, so she could just leave.
They announced they were in a relationship on social media, not even one hour after she left my house.
I was crushed that she was unfaithful to me, but I was far more disappointed in Mark because he was like a brother to me. After a few hours, I texted them both, saying that while I could understand they were in love, I could never forgive them for what they did to me, and that I never wanted to see them again.
This is where I might be the jerk. A friend of mine, Lucas (25M), invited me out for drinks and said he had invited some other friends of his too because he had big news to tell us and wanted to do it in person.
When I got to the bar we’d decided on, I instantly saw Sarah and Mark sitting together, and my first instinct was to leave. Lucas followed me outside and asked me what that was about. I explained the situation, and he asked me to tolerate them for just a few minutes while he said what he wanted to say, and afterward, if I wanted to, I could leave.
I said, “Fine,” went back inside, and sat as far away as possible from them. As soon as I sat down, Mark smirked and asked, “So, still hung up on our relationship, are you?” That stung, and I just wanted to humiliate him, and I remembered that he is very self-conscious about still living with his mother.
I responded, “So, still living with your mother, are you?” Mark turned red, grabbed Sarah, and left. So now Lucas is mad that I ruined the night he had planned with his friends.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Mark hooked up with your partner and then taunted you after you met up again only proving why you didn’t want to meet with him, then he cries when you insult him.
How sad, screw Mark, screw Sarah, and rethink that friendship with Lucas” spindoraptor
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Lucas is a selfish friend. He was more concerned about everyone hearing his announcement than your feelings. When you told him the issue, he should have let you go.
He could have reached out later. He then expected you to accept insults from the person that stole your partner.” Wise_Entertainer_970
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. But listen, man, this is a time in your life when you realize what friends are worth keeping around and what aren’t.
Being friends with someone in college and high school doesn’t mean you have to be friends forever. As an adult, you get to meet people and judge their character instead of being friends due to proximity or familiarity; you’re not stuck with the friend group you have now.
All that to say, no one in this story sounds like your friend, and if I were you, I’d slowly ditch them. No need to send an angry text and block them and start drama; that’s immature crap. Just stop hanging out with them” Top_Reveal_847
6. AITJ For Sticking To A California Thanksgiving Despite FIL's Demands To Include Everyone?
“Thanksgiving has traditionally been a nuclear family holiday as we were a military family for over 20 years and never lived close to relatives. The only consistent visitor was my mom. Otherwise, our annual leave was spent flying to CA and driving up and down the state to visit various relatives.
This became difficult once we had kids, especially considering no one else planned centralized reunions/visits. So we started using the 2-week leave for our own family vacations instead of visiting relatives. My siblings do take nuclear trips on their own throughout CA/NV, but when I’ve tried to plan a group thing, no one can agree on logistics.
Now that we are no longer moving every few years and have relocated to the Midwest, we’ve invited family to our place for Thanksgiving for the last few years. This year, we thought we would try something different. Two of our kids go to college out of state (CA).
This year, we planned to fly to CA, rent an Airbnb, and have Thanksgiving there for a change. We invited my FIL, who lives in CA, my mom, and my CA siblings to join us for dinner since we don’t see them often. We only invited those who live in CA.
My FIL tells my husband we need to invite my husband’s sister’s family and her husband’s family, both of whom live across the country (GA and FL).
We did not mention our Thanksgiving plans to my SIL as they do not live in CA and their family travels for most holiday breaks.
We do not know my SIL’s husband’s side of the family at all. My FIL ranted for four days about how we need to invite them all. He called me during the workday and texted us daily.
I did eventually reach out directly to my SIL’s husband about their plans.
They already had travel plans in place (for months) that they had previously told my FIL. So, my FIL knew they already had plans but insisted on telling us to invite them and their relatives. When confronted, he said he was “Just trying to close the rift because your sister, just like any good parent, would do.
No good deed goes unpunished. (Next day) Have you calmed down yet? Must be something in your water…” We have not responded to the group text. He has reached out separately to my husband on WhatsApp, “Get over your fit yet?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – He does not get to decide who you invite and why the heck would he keep pushing it, knowing that they already have other plans!?
His attempt to make it seem like you and your husband are the problem, for pushing back is icky and makes me think of my narcissistic ex – this is exactly what he would do every time I tried to set boundaries! (Sorry for any grammatical errors or wrong use of words, English is not my first language)” ErHerBare
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I live in a country that doesn’t have Thanksgiving so I have no skin in this game. But I did live in the USA for a year and have some knowledge of the ritual. FIL is a jerk. If he wants a family get-together, he should plan and organise it.
His dream is ideological, yours is practical. You are doing the legwork, so feel free to tell him to go stuff a turkey.” anemoschaos
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You know, when someone’s being a major pain in the neck, you do what you gotta do for your own sanity and well-being.
Don’t ever substitute his judgment for yours. You did the right thing and he should be in time out until you are forced to deal with him at Thanksgiving.” Snoo-32071
5. AITJ For Reporting A Coworker For Unethical Data Sharing?
“This happened a few weeks ago, and I’ve been grappling with feelings of guilt ever since. I work at a medium-sized company, and our team is like a tight-knit family. One of my coworkers, let’s call them Alex, had always been friendly and helpful.
However, over time, I noticed Alex engaging in some unethical practices that I couldn’t ignore any longer.
Alex had access to sensitive information, and I discovered that they were using it for personal gain. They were sharing confidential client data with a friend who had a competing business.
This unethical behavior not only violated the trust of our clients but also put our company at risk of legal repercussions.
At first, I didn’t know what to do. I felt conflicted because I didn’t want to betray a coworker, but I also couldn’t stand by and watch this happen.
I tried talking to Alex about my concerns, hoping they would stop, but they brushed it off as harmless. Their attitude made me realize that they might continue their actions unless someone intervened.
After agonizing over the situation, I decided to report Alex’s actions to our supervisor and provided concrete evidence to back up my claims. I knew that this decision might put their job at risk, but I felt it was the right thing to do to protect our clients and the integrity of our company.
My supervisor took the matter seriously and initiated an investigation. The evidence was enough to confirm Alex’s unethical behavior, and they were promptly fired from their position. The company is now taking steps to prevent such incidents from happening again and to strengthen its data security protocols.
Since then, the office atmosphere has been tense. Some coworkers have openly expressed their disappointment with my actions, saying that I betrayed Alex’s trust and didn’t give them a chance to rectify their mistakes. They argue that I could have talked to our coworker’s supervisor or confronted them once more before escalating the issue.
I can’t help but feel guilty about my decision. On one hand, I know I did what was necessary to protect the company and its clients. But on the other hand, I wonder if I could have handled the situation differently. Did I jump the gun by reporting Alex without giving them a chance to change their ways?
Am I the jerk in this situation?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ your coworkers that are disappointed are morons. You did give Alex a chance to stop, but he continued, which is more than what I would have done if I was in your situation. If Alex continued leaking info to competitors, the company would lose money and end up closing, and everyone would lose their jobs” bendytoepilot
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You didn’t get Alex fired. Alex did that all by themselves. What Alex did is called Industrial Espionage, and let me assure you this rodeo is far from over. Industrial Espionage is both a felony and a Federal Offence, and if you hadn’t reported it, you could have been prosecuted and would have been fired when someone else found out what Alex was doing.
And let me assure you it would have come out; stuff like this always does. Also, Alex, the person he was selling info to, and the company that person works for are about to get the crap sued out of them by your employer. Be glad you are not a codefendant and on a one-way trip to bankruptcy while having your entire professional life nuked from orbit.
And as for all the people who say you shouldn’t have reported Alex, now you know who not to trust because they have ethical shortcomings as well.” Solid-Feature-7678
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. The attitude of your coworkers shows that they don’t take their responsibilities or careers seriously enough.
Maybe the unethical behaviors are more widespread? It’s a far stretch to claim that someone who was behaving so dishonestly lost their job, but it was your fault. That makes no sense. I would also like to point out that your company has failed in its duty to you by allowing it to become known that you were the one who reported your coworker.
They have created a toxic workplace for you when, in fact, you should have been protected and discreetly commended for your actions. They owed you a duty of care that they neglected big time. In your shoes, I would seriously consider making contact with an employment lawyer.” Purple_Paper_Bag
4. AITJ For Rejecting My Wife's Homemade Snack Ideas On Our Summer Road Trip?
“My (39m) dad and I go on a road trip most summers for about 5-7 days. We typically spend about 20-30 hours driving, split over several days, with a few specific destinations along the way and hotels at night. We’re planning to leave for this summer’s trip in a couple days.
Tonight, my wife (37f) got the idea to provide us with some snacks for the road. First, she suggested that we take some chocolates she recently bought, which I turned down because I was worried they’d melt any time they were left in the car.
She countered by offering to make some trail mix, which I enthusiastically (I think) accepted. After that, she kept wanting to go bigger – a cooler with homemade drinks (like lemonade or something of the sort), brownies, sandwiches, etc. I let her know that the trail mix sounded good, but we didn’t need anything more than that.
She responded sadly, explaining that she just wanted to make something that my dad and I would like, as she never has the opportunity to do this kind of thing for her family (they all live out of state and she doesn’t have a particularly close relationship with any of them), and ultimately, she just seemed hurt by my response.
I tried to tell her that, truthfully, we just don’t really snack a lot on the road, and I don’t want her effort to be wasted. I also didn’t want to have to explain to my dad why I showed up with a bunch of snacks when that’s not the norm for these trips.
Part of the appeal of the trip is finding interesting restaurants along the way, so most of our eating is done at meals. Frankly, even the trail mix would be something we wouldn’t normally bring, but I tried to accept enthusiastically because I thought it would be meaningful for her.
I know that cooking and providing for others is one of the ways she expresses love, so I tried to allow for that—I just wanted to rein it in a bit when it felt like it was going too far.
All that being said, the end result seems to be that I hurt her feelings.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. Having snacks on YOUR annual road trip isn’t, well, how you roll. She’s projecting her wants and needs onto you but not in a mean or demanding way. Promise to take her on a little road trip together soon so she can use her culinary talents to good use just for the two of you!” LoveBeach8
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. She is trying to be thoughtful and is possibly feeling left out and wishing she did similar trips with her mom? You and your dad enjoy seeking out new restaurants to try. That’s cool. Be appreciative and maybe ask if she is wanting to plan a trip with you or her parents?
Either way, no one is a jerk here. Enjoy your trip!” Interesting_Order_82
Another User Comments:
“Yeah, I wouldn’t want to deal with a big cooler of stuff. Ask her to make special to-go cups for you and your dad at the beginning of your journey.
That, along with the trail mix, will make her feel more appreciated. Acts of service sound like her love language.” 7fishslaps
3. AITJ For Expecting My Partner To Share Cooking Responsibilities?
“I live with my partner and we divide chores 50/50. For the dishes, we alternate days for who does them and for cooking, we used to cook together.
A couple of months ago, my partner temporarily had her work pattern changed, so she started and finished later. This meant she was getting back later, so we agreed that I would cook for this period, and we still alternated the dishes.
Three weeks ago, my partner’s pattern went back to normal, so we said we would go back to cooking together.
I work from home, but my workload has increased recently, so work has been more stressful, and I’ve been working slightly later. Every time it comes to food, my partner says she’s tired and goes on about how much effort everything is.
She says she’ll help, and then, once I’ve started, she’ll conveniently take a nap.
She’s said it’s because she’s that tired she needs to, but I pointed out that she shouldn’t be getting as tired as she is each day, so maybe she should see a doctor about it; however, she refuses. It has started getting to me that I’m stressed at work and then expected to go and cook for both of us because my partner wants to take a nap, and then I still have to wash the dishes 50% of the time.
I sat down to talk with my partner yesterday and told her that I’d like her to start helping more with the cooking, since we agreed we’d both be doing it, and so far she hasn’t helped at all. She said it’s not her fault she’s tired, and I pointed out that she only seems to be tired once cooking has started and that if she isn’t going to help with the cooking, I think she should be the one doing the dishes.
She disagreed and said I was being unreasonable and that she does intend to help, but I just pointed out that if she intended to help, she wouldn’t go and lie on the sofa or bed when cooking starts. She said I was being unfair and using her tiredness as an excuse to start an argument, but I just repeated that either she helps with the cooking or she does the dishes.
She said I was out of order and having a go at her for nothing. AITJ for saying I am going to cook less?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – But like, does there need to be joint cooking? And does it need to be done together?
I mean, it’s cute, I guess that you guys used to cook together, but to me, that actually seems like more trouble than it is worth. If I’m responsible for dinner… I’d rather have my wife out of the kitchen so that I can do my thing, and when she cooks, it is the same.
Why not just take turns every other day or something? Personally, I don’t need a “warm/cooked” meal every day for dinner. If you feel like it is too much work and she’s not helping, then make it easier. Dinner tonight is a baguette with some sliced ham, cheese, and salami.
It takes 3 minutes to prepare and still tastes good.” mejok
Another User Comments:
“Cooking is a real hassle. If it was up to me, I would just eat a sandwich or something that’s easy to make. Now that I am married to my wife, she expects a plate of food, and the only reason why I agreed is because we split the cooking task.
Half of the week she cooks and the other half I cook. Whoever cooks does the dishes. That is just how we do it, and I think it’s fair. I would not indulge a person who does not do his/her part. So, in short, if my wife did what your partner did, I would say fine.
I will grab myself a sandwich or whatever, and you do you. I think she is taking advantage of you. NTJ” h3llios
Another User Comments:
“NTJ… You cook, or you clean, or you both do both together. That’s just common courtesy. Unless you dirty everything under the sun to give her more work, you are NTJ… Partners mean 50/50 in the relationship, but sometimes 100/0; you cook 0% of the time, you clean 100% of the time.
Isn’t this a commonly done and known rule?!?!?!” pandatron3221
2. AITJ For Telling My Partner To Get His Son Under Control?
“So like the title says, I told my partner to get his son under control. I’ve had countless private conversations when it comes to his son destroying the whole house when he comes over every other week. The conversations usually go as follows:
Me: I am tired of cleaning up your son’s messes.
You are not properly supervising him, and I think we should downsize on toys or you need to start setting up rules and expectations, and if those rules are broken then there needs to be a consequence.
Partner: You need to stop complaining. He’s only 7 and he’s autistic, so he doesn’t know any better.
Me: A child being autistic doesn’t exempt him from cleaning up after himself. I work with children ages 4/5, and some have been autistic, and when instructed to clean up, they do it nicely and without issue. When I ask your son, he ignores me and continues doing what he wants because of your inability to parent him properly.
Partner: Well, you can tell him to clean up.
Me: I have, and not only did he not listen, but I ended up getting a nasty message from his mom telling me not to parent her child. You do not get to shove your responsibilities onto me, so you need to get your child under control or I’m no longer going to make your life convenient, and I’ll move out of this house, leaving you to live with dirty laundry, pee-covered toilets, dirty dishes, and no food, as all the food in that house is mine that I paid for, and then you’d no longer be able to avoid responsibilities.
He then proceeded to leave the room and say, “I’m being emotionally abusive,” and has not addressed anything, which is what he usually does. He likes placing blame on our 2-year-old, and I have documented and taken pics of how the house looks when his son isn’t there, and on the days his son is there, the difference is undeniable: the house is basically messy, with nowhere to walk, and unlivable.
I understand a little bit of mess because my house isn’t always perfect, but to have a whole house completely destroyed in a few hours is unacceptable. Every conversation I’ve had with him has been in private and not around the kid, and I usually limit my contact with the kid because of how rudely he talks to me and tries to tell me, an adult, what to do in my house.
So AITJ for demanding my partner get his son under control? I feel I might have too high of expectations for a 7-year-old, and the way I address this situation isn’t always the nicest.”
Another User Comments:
“This story is so confusing. Why are you cleaning up after his kid?
Why are you buying all the food? It sounds like you are cleaning up after two children, and complaining about the messier one. Because if your partner lifted a single finger ever, the threat that you would move out and he would have to deal with dirty dishes, pee-covered toilets, dirty laundry, and no food would be an empty threat.
So ESH. You’ve accepted a situation where you are single-handedly responsible for your partner’s house, and he has no responsibilities. Now you want him to take responsibility for something, and he’s shrugging and walking away and calling you emotionally abusive because you’re the one changing the terms you never should have agreed to in the first place.
So renegotiate terms or move out.” Esmer_Tina
1. AITJ For Blocking My Daughter's Overseas Trip With Her Stepmom?
“I 44F have been divorced from my ex-husband 41M for the last 13 years. We have 2 kids, 15M and 13F, together. He is remarried to 33F and has 2 additional boys with her. They are 11 and 10. They have been legally separated for the last 2 years and live in different states.
She has continued to be in our kids’ lives and we all have agreed to keep the sibling bond strong among all 4 kids.
Last year, she started taking the kids on separate trips but 2 at a time to celebrate their birthdays. One of her boys and my daughter went to Las Vegas (out of state for all of us) with her for their birthdays.
And she took my son and her other son on a white water rafting trip for their birthdays. Again, out of state for her and her son.
A couple of days ago, out of the blue, my daughter was on FaceTime with stepmom and my daughter asked to go on an overseas trip with just her stepmom for 4 days over spring break.
I asked if we could make a girls’ trip so I could also go, and my daughter said no. I suggested something in the county, just the 2 of them, but step-mom is refusing that idea. My ex asked if he could go and my daughter said no. She just wants to spend time with stepmom alone.
She claims to be a last-minute planner and does not currently have a booked or planned out itinerary. And when I told stepmom I wasn’t comfortable with my daughter going alone with her, she lost her mind. She is claiming I am robbing her of this amazing experience out of jealousy.
I feel as if she is buying her affection and overstepping every parenting boundary there is under the sun and completely disregarding my parenting decisions and disrespecting me as mom.
My ex supports my daughter traveling with her alone and has basically washed his hands of the argument.
She is ready to bring this to court to force my hand. I hate this. I am not okay with my 13-year-old dictating travel plans without my input or consent. Everything in me says this is not a good idea. I don’t trust stepmom, and I don’t trust air travel right now, and with the state of the world, I don’t think traveling without my biological parent is a good idea.
So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“She could take you to court all day long, but at the end of the day she is NOT the parent of YOUR child. If your daughter has a passport, keep hold of it locked up. If you say no, she can’t go, then she can’t go.
YOU are the parent, she’s just a step-parent. Doesn’t matter what the bond is, it’s still YOUR say. Keep an eye out during spring break if step mom wants to take her… just for some shopping or some other nonsense… track the location of your daughter and if she goes near the airport, notify security that your child has been kidnapped and the kidnapper is trying to take your daughter out of the country.
To heck with her if she tries that nonsense and goes to jail, she’d deserve it for going against the child’s MOTHER. Best though to tell your daughter that either you go with her, or she doesn’t go at all.” GardenSafe8519
Another User Comments:
“I think technically, for her to fly internationally with a child who is not hers, she will require a letter of consent or they can be stopped from traveling.
So let them know you will not be providing that letter. Is her passport in your possession? That would also make it easy to stop. NTJ btw. The stepmom is definitely overstepping.” Traditional-Load8228
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, you also need to tell your ex to get in line.
He should be putting her in her place, especially when she’s threatening court. I’d now be worried she may try parental alienation and try to poison your daughter against you. I’d be sitting your daughter down, too, to explain why it’s not okay.
She might be disappointed because her ex-stepmom is offering a fun trip, but you and the father offered reasonable compromises so she could go. Ex-stepmom needs to know there are boundaries in place. Document everything—texts, phone calls, just in case.” Redd1tmadesignup
