People Are Intrigued If We Will Side With Them In Their "Am I The Jerk" Stories
18. AITJ For Putting A Lock On My Kid's Room?
“I got a lock for my four-year-old’s room. My son is only four but he’s super at collecting things.
(He has autism) He has probably every single monster jam monster truck ever made, he has every single Marvel/DC/superhero action figure you could think of, and he’s really into setting up these huge marble runs. Everything is organized and put away nicely and my son likes to keep it that way.
The problem is that every time my best friend’s kids or my nephew comes over, they b-line it to his room and trash everything. Literally from ripping off legs to The action figures, ripping off tires to his monster trucks, and just trashing every single toy that they can get their hands on in general. I’m not even talking about just normal wear and tear these kids are destructive and they will destroy almost everything they put their hands on.
The marbles end up all over my house and lost. He also has a collection of those squishy toys and one of the kids literally will not keep their hands off of them and bites a hole in one every single time, ruining it.
I used to go through his room and have to hide everything before they came over to try to avoid this but I have literally had it at this point so I told them they are no longer allowed in my son’s room period.
They can play with the huge bin of toys that I have in the living room or one of the hundreds of toys outside etc. Of course, it didn’t go over well and the kids started throwing a fit because they know what was in his room and the toys ‘aren’t good enough and they were bored’.
and my sister and best friend are both saying that I’m being too much and saying that they’re just toys. But these toys are expensive, we spent hours building the marble run just for it to get torn down the absolute second they walk in the door.
And after everyone’s gone and the room is trashed and all his toys are broken and misplaced he’s really upset over it. Rightfully, in my opinion. They say I am teaching him not to share and to be greedy but I disagree.
I think they need to teach their kids basic respect for other people’s stuff and to not throw a fit when they can’t have something. I wouldn’t have a problem with them going in there and playing with the stuff if they were even the least bit respectful about it but proven time and time again that they can’t handle it.
Now they don’t want to come over with their kids because they think I’m being a jerk and I honestly don’t care. I also believe that you should teach your kids to share but not everything HAS to be shared you can have specific things to just keep for yourself.
I’m just curious as to what everyone else thinks am I the jerk or not?
UPDATE: I’m just not gonna have them over anymore. I explained to them and while they agreed, nothing will ever change. (With my best friend, my sister is 100% on board) They came over (bestie’s kids) two times since the incident and now that they’re not allowed in the room they just find other things to get into in the house.
The next best thing to get into this time was the pantry.
I just come to realize that these kids are monsters it doesn’t matter what situation they’re put in they will find a way to be horrible.
Everything they do is because she allows it at her own home. Claims she doesn’t but the kids wouldn’t act like that if she were telling the truth. I don’t want to ruin my 15-year friendship because I do love my best friend I just hate her kids so I don’t know what to do.”
Another User Comments:
“HOLY CRAP, NTJ.
Your sisters are beyond jerks though.
You’re not teaching your kid to be greedy or not share. You’re teaching your kid that he has a right to his own space and to set proper boundaries with people who disrespect him or his space.
Your sisters seem to have taught their kids that it’s okay to destroy things that aren’t theirs, though, and that’s terrible.
Your son has a right to say NO. He’s a person (even if he’s a young person!). Because he’s a child, you as his mother have a right to say NO on his behalf.
Also, if your sisters have a crap about YOUR kid, they would’ve taken the time to do the most general research on autism and would therefore recognize how important environment and personal spaces can be to a lot of individuals on the spectrum.” TheBoundlessProject
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
You’re completely correct. If you let them have their way with anything (and everything) that your kid has, you’d be teaching your kid to be a doormat and that having boundaries is wrong.
I’d basically set the standard for your son that, if he is playing with certain toys in front of friends/relatives, he should be willing to share those toys with the friends/relatives.
If he does not want to share, that’s fine, but those are put away while the others are over. The only one who gets to decide is him.
The lock on the door is unfortunate but necessary since those other kids don’t have parents who want to bother teaching them right from wrong.” JsCTmav
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Even if your son didn’t have autism this is unacceptable behavior on the part of the other kids and esp the parents. To be honest, your son having autism doesn’t even factor into it for me (although it does of course add more context).
Purposely destroying toys at 6 & 8 years old is not ok. At 6 & 8 they know better. (Or they should if they were taught better.). And parents being ok with that behavior is infuriating and very poor parenting. They should be teaching their children better manners and basic respect for property.
And they absolutely should be replacing everything they actually damage.
Keep the lock. Also, if you cave now it will only get worse and the kids will become even more disrespectful.
Ask yourself how close a relationship you actually want with these women.” SomeKindofName42
17. AITJ For Not Letting My Daughter's Mom Back Into Her Life?
“I (19M) used to be in a relationship with my daughter’s mother Ashley (19) through high school. We didn’t use protection as she told me she was on birth control (I know now very stupid on my part).
Her parents moved so she had to move high schools.
She broke up with me and I hadn’t heard from her until two years ago when she showed up at my house with a newborn. She told me she was mine and said she didn’t want her and that she was giving up her parental rights.
My parents went mental with me obviously.
Fast forward two years and we have had the paternity done, confirmed that I am the father, got her parents involved who didn’t even know that she had had a baby, and been to court and been given sole custody of Lia with the help of my parents.
Her parents wanted nothing to do with Lia so custody wasn’t an issue. My parents have been brilliant and now I am legally an adult sole custody has been given to me.
Ashley now wants to meet her daughter.
I have said no for now as I don’t trust that she’s not going to walk away again when she gets bored of Lia. I’m not ruling it out at all but I don’t want to put my daughter through losing her mum again.
I asked my case worker and she said after speaking to Ashley that she wasn’t convinced she really wanted to have a daughter either. She made it seem like she thinks it would be cool to have a baby which is not the reason for getting in contact.
My case worker and lawyer have both said that I am under no obligation to allow her back into Lia’s life as she signed her rights away and so did her parents.
I have explained how I feel to Ashley and why I said no but she calls me a jerk.
Her friends have also been calling me a jerk around my college. Ashley doesn’t go to my college but now everybody knows what happened with her friends. Some people didn’t even know I had a child before all this.
I just want to know if I am a jerk.
UPDATE: I have been drinking a lot. Lia’s not with me before anybody says anything. She safe with my mom.
Had a long day today. I was at college and my mom phoned saying she needed to drop Lia off as she had an emergency.
My professor told me to bring her into class with me and she will watch her while I work.
I go and grab Lia off my mom and as I’m walking back in Ashley and her minions turn up.
They all start shouting at me saying I should let Ashley look after her while I’m in class. She laughs and agrees so I said ok here you go then. Everything you need is in there.
By this time there is a big crowd watching and the dean has been called. Ashley just laughs and says I don’t think so.
Look how ugly she is. I wouldn’t be seen dead touching a baby like that. I lost it with her and the dean held me back. I must admit I said something I shouldn’t have.
Long story short, the dean doesn’t want any more drama in his school and suggests I take some time off if I can’t get my emotions under control.
My mom was angry with me and said I shouldn’t have spoken to Ashley the way I did and told me to look at myself. She told me to think about what I did. I walked out saying I needed to think about stuff.
I am at my friend’s dorm and got wasted. My mom has phoned me 147 times but I haven’t answered her yet. I’ve listened to her messages and Lia’s fine. I’m not that stupid. I messaged her to tell her I’m fine and will be home soon but I can’t go home until I’d sobered up a bit.
I have never done anything like this before. I’ve always been there for Lia but today was just my breaking point. I feel at my lowest and I’ve lost everything I worked so hard for.
My dad’s working away but he said to ignore everyone and my mom didn’t mean to upset me.
Final thing. I’m never sleeping with a girl again
Just to make things clear. I would never of left Lia with her. I was just bluffing.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. When you sign away your parental rights, it is because basically, you don’t want to be a parent.
Period. It is not to give people time to think if they really want to be a parent or to have a casual relationship with their offspring. No. She stated she didn’t want to be a mother, she should leave it at that.
And legally, you’re under no obligation to permit your baby’s mother back into her life, no matter how harsh it may sound. You are very right in your concerns about her just getting bored and leaving your daughter motherless… again.
So no, you’re NTJ, but baby’s ‘mommy’ and her friends are jerks.” Dancing_figs
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Even the social worker said Ashley seems insincere in her reasons. The fact Ashley immediately sicced her ‘posse’ on you instead of acting like she understands the seriousness of the situation by asking you and the social worker what she can do to prove she has Lia’s best interests at heart and then doing those things proves she is only doing it for attention and because it’s somehow cool to her to be seen as a mother.
You are acting in your daughter’s best interests; Ashley is, yet again, acting selfishly and would not be a positive influence in Lia’s life.” ProfPlumDidIt
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, OP, you are a loving, protective dad and you did the right thing when you defended your daughter.
Ashley clearly does not care about Lia, it’s horrific for anyone to call a child ‘ugly’ and ‘cancer’ alone their own parent. This is wrong. Lia needs to be protected from anyone who speaks abusively about her, even if it’s her own mother.
You also deserve to be protected with a restraining order to stop Ashley from harassing you.
Yes, you lost your cool and got drawn into a confrontation with Ashley, and it wasn’t the best or most mature response. But your reaction came from a place of love and fear for your daughter.
You are only just an adult yourself and you made a mistake in a time of serious stress – it happens, don’t beat yourself up.
Be proud of what you have achieved. Your dad’s common sense and safety radar are spot on because you correctly judged that Ashley wasn’t sincere and you didn’t let her friends bully you into changing your mind.
These strong boundaries and spidey sense are the number one thing kids need to grow up emotionally and physically safe. OP, you are a good dad.
Sleep off the hangover, then go home and tell your daughter you love her and thank your folks for babysitting while you needed to blow off steam.
Get your folks to give you a hug too. Then all of you make a plan with the caseworker of how to protect Lia and yourself from this situation repeating in the future. Best of luck.” TheWuzzy
16. AITJ For Telling My Aunt She Will Never See My Daughter Again?
“My (28f) daughter (1y) was born a chubby baby, I don’t do anything about it cause she is a baby but she does eat healthily, and honestly it doesn’t bother me, I assume she will grow out of it.
My aunt however seems to be offended by my baby’s weight. Every time she sees her she calls her either fat or remarks that she is a fat cake and needs to be put on a diet. Yesterday she went in on her again, calling her fat.
Everyone ignored her which seemed to make her fish harder for anyone to agree with her, I finally snapped and told her ‘we get it you think she is fat let it go’. She responded by saying you should put her on a diet.
I simply said if you continue like this when she is older, you will never see her again cause you will damage her self-image.
She got super angry saying I’m the one with a problem, the baby doesn’t even understand what she is saying, and she is merely calling her what she is, fat.
Then she left. My mom says I overreacted.
Am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. And you are right, fat shaming a child could lead to eating disorders. Hopefully, a 1-year-old doesn’t understand, but soon she will be beginning to understand and it is important to keep that kind of negativity away from your child.
As long as you follow the advice of the health professionals that your daughter sees, you should not listen to anybody else. And the idea of putting a baby on a diet is ludicrous.” SnooSprouts6712
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Of course, babies are fat, they’re babies!
That’s the point! They will double their height in only 4 years, and their brain is also learning how to be little humans, which takes an amazing amount of energy. And energy is stored in fat. One of my nephews was literally made of fat rolls when he was 6 months old, and stayed chubby as a kid (while eating a balanced diet and having the amount of exercise an active kid has); then he hit his teenage years and he grew a lot.
He’s now about 6’1/2 and 165 lbs.
Protect your daughter, protect yourself. If auntie can’t become civil, no more grand-niece. And have a serious discussion with your mom. Respect towards family members goes both ways.” Booky_Cat
Another User Comments:
“NTJ… your aunt likely has some body issues… Does not mean you have to own them.
Protect your baby, go mama bear mode, and keep the claws out until a well-deserved and fully unreserved apology flows your way. Write her a little letter, advising her that you will not be treated that way and that if she cannot keep her comments to herself.
That is her problem and she will be removed from the situation, entirely. She should come around.” Max-Powers1984
15. AITJ For Telling My Sister She's Rude?
“I gave birth to mine and my husband’s first baby in June.
We named her Rosie. My sister ever since we announced our daughter’s name has purchased personalized stuff with the names Rose, Rosemary, Rosalie, and Roseanne. But never her actual name. Our daughter’s full legal name is Rosie, not any of those.
None of those are what anyone calls her. I thought the first one with Rose was a genuine mistake but she keeps buying these gifts with the wrong name. I brought it up to her and she said it’s no big deal since most people will assume Rosie is a nickname and not her legal name.
I told her that didn’t mean her own family should use the wrong name for her.
She told me she would never understand the decision anyway. I told her that she was making it a much bigger deal than it needed to be.
She told me I was. That’s when I told her what she was doing was rude and that she should stop. She accused me of being rude when she’s giving gifts and I’m pointing out ‘mistakes’. She also told me I was making too big of a deal out of it and making this a fight.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
The best solution might be to tell your sister that you want her to stop and that any gifts with the wrong name (ie not Rosie) will be tossed out. Then if she keeps doing it, never acknowledge it but just toss it out.
If she makes a fuss, tell her you warned her and refuse to continue talking about it.
If you have a family that likes to stick their nose into things that don’t concern them, let them know as well and tell them you don’t care if your sister ‘understands’ or not.
If these are supposed to be gifts, she should be able to respect that certain things aren’t welcome.
It is as if you were to keep buying her pink things after she told you she didn’t like pink. It’s not a gift at that point, just a pain in the butt.” nopefoffprettyplease
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Your sister is passive-aggressively criticizing your daughter’s name. You can try to ignore it but that might not work. I would suggest that you stop accepting gifts from her. If she can’t give appropriate gifts then you don’t really need them.
If she hands you something and says it’s for Rosie thank her and just set the gift aside and ignore it. If she asks if you are going to open it or look at it tell her that you aren’t.
When she asks why tell her it’s because the gift likely has the wrong name on it so it obviously isn’t for your daughter.
If you want to take it a step further then take the gift when she hands it to you and then throw it in the trash.
You could also just donate the gifts and when your sister asks where the gift is tell her you donated it so someone with that name can actually use it.” Ranos131
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
If it’s not a big deal, why can’t she just say yes to your (perfectly reasonable) request to use the kid’s actual name?
It’s your baby, not hers. If it’s possible to find personalized items that say all those different variations, how hard can it be for her to find things that say, Rosie?
I think just stop accepting her gifts. Tell her it’s okay that she doesn’t understand your decision.
And it’s fine if she doesn’t like the name.
But you like the name, which is why you chose it, and as such, you want people to use it. She can either give gifts that are not personalized with any name or stop, for the time being, giving gifts.
Your daughter can decide when she’s older whether she would like being called any of those names by her aunt–you know, family members sometimes have nicknames for younger relatives, that are kind of special to that relationship? She can do that when the kid’s older.
But for now, you’re just going to recycle anything that has the wrong name on it.” TimisAllia
14. AITJ For Walking Around Comfortably In My Apartment?
“I (f20) live in a shared apartment with two roommates.
Our apartment is really, really warm because our downstairs neighbors always have their heat on full blast. It feels like an oven if we don’t have the windows open 24/7.
My two roommates are also girls and I frequently walk around the apartment in my comfy clothes because it does get very warm in the apartment and it helps me keep cool.
It’s a habit I’ve had since we all moved in around 4 months ago and no one has seemed to mind.
Last month, one of my roommates, Kelsie (f22) got a new guy who she has over in the apartment quite often (which is against our contract but I’m not gonna report her unless she escalates, yes our contract has strict rules on guests and yes it is ridiculous).
I don’t mind him being here but Kelsie has asked me to stop walking around in my comfy clothes altogether. She said it was inappropriate because of her SO and that she could have him over at any time.
I asked Kelsie if she could just text me with some warning if her SO is going to come over then I’ll make sure I’m wearing pants.
Kelsie said I’m being unreasonable and that I’m trying to rob her of being spontaneous. I told Kelsie she can be spontaneous but that means I might be in my comfy clothes.
Kelsie called me disgusting and made a rude comment about my hairy legs (can’t always be bothered to shave), she compared my legs to a bear’s.
I’m a naturally hairy woman so I’m used to such comments but this conflict is getting under my skin a bit.
I talked to my other roommate and she agrees with Kelsie and thinks I should just not walk around in my comfy clothes at all and that it is kind of out of line when Kelsie’s SO is here.”
Another User Comments:
“Your roommate definitely should not have made those comments and I do agree that a little heads up when bringing her SO over should be given out of courtesy, but I don’t think you should be in your comfy clothes in communal spaces.
You mentioned that you’ve done this for 4 months and no one said anything. But are your roommates actually okay with this? Yes, no one said anything, but is that how they really FEEL? It might not be something they feel comfortable bringing up with you.
But judging by your other roommate’s comment about this matter, they don’t like you doing that. Yes, you do have the right to comfort in your own apartment, but THEY also have the right to feel comfortable in their apartment as well.
You can wear shorts if the temperature of the apartment is causing you to be warm, but your roommate requesting you to not walk around the apartment in your comfy clothes is not unreasonable.
Therefore, YTJ.” snobbybadger
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
It’s unreasonable of her to expect you to always wear more clothes than you’re comfortable with in your own home. Her bringing a guest is inconveniencing you, and you have the courtesy to actually wear more stuff when he’s around.
It’s on her to give you notice so you can change (which you aren’t obliged to in the first place).
If it’s so important to her, then she can text you as soon as she knows they are coming over.
This doesn’t really prevent her from being spontaneous unless her SO always takes her to your apartment and he only ever comes in when they both feel like it. But even in that case, she can just tell him to wait a minute, go inside, ask you to change into clothes and as soon as you’re in your room, he can come in.
She isn’t willing to make any effort to make this work and makes it your responsibility to accommodate her when she brings guests, which is just entitled jerk behavior. Again, this is your living space and if her having a guy over ever means you have to be uncomfortable all of the time, then she can’t have her SO over.
Imagine if this was about having a vegan/vegetarian friend over, and she’d insist you can never cook meat again because she doesn’t want her friend to be exposed to people preparing or eating meat. There would be no question that she is being unreasonable.
Tell her that if she wants to bring her SO and wants you to be dressed fully, she either needs to send a heads-up text or he needs to wait outside for a minute while she asks you to change.
His existing as her SO is no grounds to permanently change how you use your shared space.” Voeglein
Another User Comments:
“YTJ, walking around in your comfy clothes with zero prior discussion with your roommates is not okay. Presumably, you’ve never met these women before moving in together.
It seems like you’d only be reporting your roomie’s SO out of spite of her reasonable request that you wear clothes. You even agree that the guest policy is strict and the other roommate doesn’t have an issue with the guy.
2/3 have an issue with you not wearing clothes and 1/3 has an issue with your roommate’s SO. I really think the guy was just the catalyst for a long overdue confrontation.” lavenderpotato14
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here.
They’re paying for the place as well, and the two of them agree that walking around in your comfy clothes around their partner(s) is something they’re not comfortable with.
Out of respect for your roommates, dress appropriately (as you would in a public setting).
If heat is an issue, get a loose tank top, and a pair of men’s shorts. Personally, the tightness of women’s clothing often makes it hotter.
And their tendency to get eaten by the c*****e makes it uncomfortable. Men’s shorts are looser, cheaper, and, more importantly, in your case, they breathe.
Your roommate is out of line for body-shaming you. What exactly is wrong with a lady having hairy legs?
Honestly, I admire your confidence to show the abundance of it.” LostPhilosophy2989
13. AITJ For Not Giving My Personal Info To My Estranged Sister?
“I haven’t spoken to most of my family in over 10 years after my abusive mother kicked me out.
Lines were drawn and sides were chosen. One of my sisters has been very vocal about her hatred for me. Today, the only sibling I still have contact with (let’s call her N) texted me asking me for my personal information.
When I asked why she needed it, she said her hate sister needed it for a security check. I refused to give the information. The convo went as follows…
Me: Right. So, respectfully, I’m going to go ahead and say she can mark me as estranged.
N: She can’t. Sorry but I don’t understand what the problem is.
Me: I’m sure there is somewhere she can indicate that she has no contact with me. You don’t understand why I would refuse to help someone who wrote me off and, by your own admission, has been very vocal about her hate for me?
N: Yeah I don’t. Sorry, I don’t hold grudges against ppl. I don’t associate with ppl who’ve hurt me or done me badly. But it’s wasted energy and stress to hold onto things. And I do help whoever because I am who I am.
I will tell her to mark something. I don’t know if they actually check these things.
Me: The fact that you would make such a passive-aggressive comment instead of understanding my feelings really just speaks volumes about your respect for me.
But that’s cool, what you call ‘grudges’ I call ‘boundaries’ and ‘self-respect’, and I’ll go ahead and keep those. You do you though.
N: Not passive-aggressive at all. Nothing to do with not respecting you. I just don’t understand. Your comment could be viewed as what you said but I don’t take it that way.
We have different definitions of boundaries and self-respect. No one is wrong. Just bc I help someone doesn’t mean I don’t respect myself. I respect myself not to lower my standards to anyone whether they’ve been good or bad to me.
Just bc someone was bad doesn’t mean I have to be bad.
Am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It also sounds like N wouldn’t know what boundaries or respect were if they hit her in the face.
Respecting someone’s feelings is taking them as they express them, not insisting on your own interpretation, and then passing judgment.
Also, personally, I wouldn’t give any personal info to anyone who had expressed such animosity toward me, and never reached out to apologize.
Without an indication of growth, it’s fair to assume she’s the same person she was before and keep your distance. N clearly has an empathy problem and I’d take any of her judgments with a grain of salt.” nololthx
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. They can leave that blank and explain that they don’t have it. Depending on the level of the security clearance, they would have an interview with her and can make her case for why she doesn’t talk with you.
She wouldn’t be the first person who has estranged family members working in a position that requires a clearance. The investigators, if they really need to talk with you, can find out your information somehow, especially with the internet. But you’re not required to give that information and you shouldn’t if you don’t want to.” Jwborg35
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – Just as an FYI – If your sister is in the US and doing a security check for the federal government, she would need to list all of her immediate family members, their birthdays, and their contact information.
She cannot opt-out or explain that you’re estranged (at least not on the form… if she has an interview later then she could explain). She could enter your last known address though. Also – your other sister wasn’t passive-aggressive.
She seemed to be pretty direct from your exchange. Where she went wrong was not accepting your answer in the first place.” Remarkable_Buyer4625
12. WIBTJ If I Try To Keep My Partner Away From Her Friends?
“My partner (22F) and I (26M) have been together for 6 months.
Originally, we had met at the gym where I am a personal trainer. She was younger, a bit awkward, and plus-sized so I was weary at first, but as I got to know her I found that she was a really fun and smart person.
She loves planes and legos so we spend a lot of time going to the local airport and watching planes take off. The point is she is an oddball, but unapologetically herself, and I really admire that.
I met her friends after three months of being together and they have always rubbed me the wrong way.
My partner is a very kind person and they seem to exploit that. Always being the one buying dinner or being the designated driver or just always being the one to help.
My partner was invited to a costume party by her friends and they emphasized this fact.
She was really excited because she is not usually invited to these parties because ‘she doesn’t know these people’ or something to that effect. I had a friend in town so I wasn’t able to attend with her, but we were going to match and wear white onesies with this goose hat that looks like a head.
She was super proud of it.
She called me crying not long after she got to the party because was embarrassed that it wasn’t a costume party and it was just her all dressed up. I offered to bring her a change of clothes but she passed and went home.
I stopped over at her place on the way back from the bar and she was really upset. It seems like her friends purposely did that to make fun of her. She didn’t want to talk about the details, but since then it seems like she is trying to dull the things that make her so unique.
Like we were going to go to the airport after work yesterday and watch the planes come in and take off and she doesn’t want to do that anymore (a week ago, she would NEVER have passed up that offer), she’ll ramble a bit and then catch herself and seems to really be upset with herself when she does that and put herself down, I had to talk her out of throwing out her stuffed animal she sleeps with.
The point is she is not herself and I think this party is what started everything. I have never liked her friends. They always make digs. When she first introduced me, the first thing her friend said to me was ‘are you doing charity work or something?’
I want to encourage her to distance herself from them as it is now tolling on her mental health, but I don’t want to come across as trying to do that maliciously. I had a talk with her friend once about how they treated her and they got better, but now they’ve done this.
Clearly stepping in hasn’t worked and I don’t want to see her hurt anymore. However, I know how it’s going to look even my roommate said it would look bad and could be a red flag and even destroy her connection with them.
WIBTJ for distancing her from her friends?”
Another User Comments:
“YWBTJ but not for the reason you think
It’s clear this girl needs better support. You’re trying to be better and I appreciate that. But your mindset is still stuck in the same place her ‘friends’ are.
Viewing her as less and a charity case. Someone who is helpless to navigate her own life. That’s not fair to her.
You were wary of her because of her outward appearance which she doesn’t have complete control over.
And you’re more focused on controlling her life than on actually being supportive. You actually do love her for her right? Allow her autonomy. Have faith in her.
People need to pick their own friends. For better or worse this is how people learn how to find good relationships.
Controlling who she sees is not going to fix the mental health issue. It’s just going to mask the deeper issue. Your partner needs self-love to be able to be herself even if people make fun of her. And she needs to learn how to find proper friends.
And part of that starts with having a partner who loves her no matter what, instead of a guy she had to convince to overlook her appearance. Ya goofed. But you can be better going forward by just encouraging things she likes.
Keep asking her to go see planes. Keep telling her you to love her stuffed animals. And let her figure out the friend thing on her own. The only thing she needs from her partner is unconditional love and support.
If you want to be proactive in helping her find better friends then bring her to events where she has a good chance of finding better ones.
But your friend is right. Trying to dictate her friendships is going to hurt the relationship.
And you don’t want that.” Graveheartart
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Just be very mindful of how you move forward so that you’re not isolating her because I’m sure she feels like awful friends are better than none.
Help her find her worth because there’s a deeper reason why she keeps these people around. Encourage her to keep being herself. Remind her that you came to love her because of her quirkiness and that others should love her as she is, that she shouldn’t feel the need to change for anyone.
Encourage her to find new friends by volunteering or joining a club/group of sorts. Plenty of adults like watching planes and building Legos. (I’m 34F and LOVE Legos.) Maybe take a class together (cooking, pottery, etc) in hopes of finding another couple to hang out with.
Maybe she’d like to hang out with you and your friends and/or one of their significant others/sisters/cousins? If you want to help her to realize she deserves better than her current ‘friends’, you’ll need to help her find other people who will enrich her life and not bring her down.
Let the distancing be her decision, but definitely guide the way.” 10_ol
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You’re watching out for her which is awesome. DO try and get her some decent friends. She sounds like she might be on the autism spectrum, so try and find some local or online groups of similar adults.
Get her into clubs, from plane-watching ones (they exist!) to D&D to knitting, whatever her interests are. Right now she doesn’t want to be alone and crappy friends are better than no friends.
So, if she struggles socially?
Don’t alienate her so-called friends… replace them. Get her into a hiking/walking/biking/something group, ballroom dancing, or ANYTHING she’s interested in and can connect with other people over. I suspect that, if she’s as sweet and forgiving as you say, she’ll win over some new friends who appreciate her ‘oddball’ personality as much as you do.
You’d be the jerk if you pulled her away from her friends and left her with no one but you. But, helping her get new and decent ones? Stellar SO behavior.” maroongrad
11. AITJ For Asking My Partner's Best Friend To Take Me To The Emergency Room?
“My partner (19M) and I (18F) have been together for a year and have been living together for 3 months. Yesterday I had horrific pelvis pains and was in a tremendous amount of pain from it.
I asked my partner if he could take me to the ER and he told me no since he was at work and couldn’t just take work off, despite the fact that he’s called in sick multiple times and his boss doesn’t care if he takes work off.
That being said, he still refused to take me to the ER and ended the argument with ‘You’re going to get me fired.’ So I asked my best friend, let’s call her L if she could take me. She is 17 and her mom told her that she can’t take me because of a family emergency they were having which I understand.
My only other option was my partner’s best friend, we’ll call him K.
K (18M) and I have known each other since me and my partner have been together and we have grown relatively close in the friend department. I asked K as my last resort to take me to the ER and he immediately drove me to the ER.
Now, this is the part I may or may not be the jerk. I have severe anxiety and abandonment issues and have had these since I was 10. My partner knows this and has since he met me. I am deathly afraid of being alone/ with strangers.
I had asked K to stay with me because my anxiety was through the roof. K, knowing I have these issues stayed with me through the entire process. He was an amazing friend and stayed with me during my ultrasound since my anxiety spiked and I asked him not to leave.
I was completely covered and K is respectful and wouldn’t look even if he wanted to.
I get home from the ER after K dropped me off and my partner came home 30 mins later angry. My dad had called so I picked the phone up and told him what had happened in the ER and that I shouldn’t be worried about anything.
I hung up after and my partner was still angry. I asked what was wrong and my partner blew up saying that I was disgusting for talking to my dad about that and how inappropriate I was for asking K to be in the ER with me, let alone be in the room when I was having my ultrasound.
I didn’t want to escalate things further so I apologized and he called me inconsiderate and a jerk. So, AITJ for asking my partner’s best friend to take me to the ER since my partner refused to take me?
Edit: My family lives a few states away and those are the only 3 people I could have gone to.
Update: Finally got out of that relationship. I’m safe now. L, K, and I are still good friends. L jokes that she’ll be my K instead of the actual K. K and I are still not together even though my family loves him dearly.
K and L helped me get out of my ex’s house. K helps me feel like my old self again just by existing. I can’t thank him enough. And L, L is right up there with him. They are the best friends anyone could ever ask for.
Although I have an inkling that K is possibly falling for me, I’m not planning on pursuing it. And if I fall for him I’ll be screwed. Fingers crossed I won’t fall for him.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, there’s a whole host of red flags.
The work thing just sucks. But getting angry that you had someone else talk you to the ER (he should be happy to have a friend so respectful and caring, most people would be), and thought you shouldn’t talk to your father about it… why?
Because it’s a ‘woman’s issue’? Get to the bottom of that, now. Find out why it’s ‘disgusting’ for informing your father of a health issue. You were in pain, confused, and didn’t know what was happening, and ultrasounds suck, even if you’re not actively in pain.
Your partner not being more caring, asking if you’re okay, and instead scolding you like you’re a child is unacceptable behavior.” Proper_Garlic3171
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. This is almost as bad as one where the girl has a seizure while taking a shower her roommate’s partner who was there broke the door down and then waited outside the door while the roommate covered her up and then they took her to the er.
When her partner found out it happened, all he is worried about is that the other guy might have seen her exposed for a split second during a medical emergency. So needless to say your partner needs to grow up.” ScubaLance
Another User Comments:
“At the end of the day, your partner should be the person who drops everything and sticks by you no matter how uncomfortable they are. K did everything your partner should have. Your partner only thought of himself, first how it would be inconvenient for his paycheck to take time off, and later jealousy and guilt for having someone else do what he should have and chose to take it out on you.
This is not something your relationship can recover from. He has shown you who he is when things get serious, and that isn’t going to change. Don’t waste precious time of your youth on this jerk.
NTJ” Encartrus
10. AITJ For Being Honest To My Relatives About My Grandma's Left Inheritance?
“In 2014 my grandma was diagnosed with breast cancer and she moved in with my family. When she got better she moved out and I would stay at her place during the weekends and holidays.
And then a few years later she was diagnosed with a distant recurrence. My mum and I would spend hours with her in the hospital. When she spent a month in hospice before passing, I spent the entire month with her, every night.
When she passed she had all her things in order. She already told my mum and me who got what and gave her jewelry and prized possessions to us and my sister. The family heard about this and were upset about it but kept most of their thoughts to themselves.
What they didn’t know is that my grandma had money she kept out of the will. She gave my mum some money and I got some too. My mum and I were the two people who cared for her the most, we spent all of our time with her.
My grandma knew that her brothers and my mum’s brother would contest the will and give us pain if they knew about the money, so she organized all these years before she passed.
Well, it has been a year since she passed and my great-uncle held a family dinner at his place.
Since my grandma’s passing, we’ve kept our distance from everyone but they kept on pestering my mum until she said yes. At the dinner, my great uncle and my mum’s brothers confronted my mum and me about the money. We have no idea how they found out.
My parents stood up and were ready to tell them back off but I thought it was all ridiculous that they had the audacity to find out and not tell us how they found out and also question it after everything so I told them the real reason.
My grandma went through a lot in her life and did everything for everyone as the eldest daughter of an immigrant family and when she needed her family the most everyone left. They would only show up at the hospital for half-an-hour max and once a week.
And when they came they would only ask about her possessions. Everyone knew how stressed my family was, I was still in high school and started uni, and my mum had given birth to my baby sis and stopped working at this time.
No one would ever volunteer to help or anything. When she died no one contacted my mum to check up on her. And my grandma knew this which is why she left nothing to any of them.
This turned into a huge argument, everyone called me disrespectful and inconsiderate of their lives.
That they had things going on and I’m just a child so I wouldn’t understand. We left and all of our phones have been blowing up with messages and calls from the family calling us names. I’ve blocked all of them, and my dad has been telling my mum too but she reads every message.
That is what hurts the most, they’re calling her a bad mum and talking trash about me to her and I feel like it’s all my fault for opening my mouth. So maybe I shouldn’t have told them and just denied it.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. First of all, I just have to say you’re amazing, and well done for standing up for yourself, your parents, and your wonderful grandmother. Well done for having the strength and courage to tell them exactly why you followed your grandmother’s wishes and instructions.
(Also, taking such care of her although I know for you, you would have never given it a second thought about it. Honestly, I’m so in awe.)
Secondly, this ‘dinner’ was always going to be an ambush, they had no intentions of any sort of mending bridges and reconnecting.
It was tactical so no matter what you said, they were going to twist it, snap back and be vile. They were spoiling for a fight.
Thirdly, I’ve had similar experiences with family on both sides (mam and dad’s) and I have acted the same way as you.
Unfortunately, my mam still takes to her brother, but he will never dare be in my presence. So I get where you’re coming from but my last point is this… you’ve done nothing wrong. Your grandmother knew what she was doing and why.
She wanted it this way for that reason and if they found out some of it, all you’ve done is shown them why she’s done it. They’re vultures clawing for anything. Cut them out of all your lives for good.
Sending love.” Elora_Ada_Danan
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. So sorry for the loss you and your Mom are going through. That is the priority. Your Grandmother loved you and your Mom and she knew how deeply she loved you.
She was very capable of deciding who got what and ‘who got nothing!’ The family is annoyed because they wanted money and stuff and did not prioritize love over things. You and your Mom owe them nothing.
For your Mom’s health and well-being, she really needs to block their calls/messages.
Reading garbage and lies will serve no healthy purpose. Right now she needs to grieve her loss. Tell her to be kind to herself and change phone numbers if she needs to. If it were me, I wouldn’t have them in my life anymore, they aren’t healthy for her.
By the way, you aren’t just a child. You are more mature than they are. You did the right thing, they needed to be put in their place for being such hateful and selfish people.
I might have even said, ‘Hey, Grandma knew what kind of people you are, she made this decision on her own and she was very happy with it.
Your actions in the past and right now are proving her right!'” Photo-7
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Your grandmother was not obligated to leave anything to anyone. She CHOSE to leave most of her worldly possessions to you and your mother, her daughter, and her grandchild.
You were the ones who cared for her.
She had no reason to give anything to her siblings – no reason at all.
My guess is her sons saw your mother’s caring for their mother as ‘woman’s work’ and assumed they would receive whatever there was to receive because they were men.
She sure showed them! Good for grandma!” Algebralovr
9. AITJ For Not Visiting My Parents Every Weekend?
“So my partner (32M) and I (26F) have a ridiculously cute 7 mo daughter. She is absolutely wonderful. It’s my mother’s first grandchild and my father’s 4th (he was married before my mom and had a child in his previous marriage)
My parents have always struggled deeply with money and have rarely ever helped me out even in the slightest, especially when I went off to college. I’m my mother’s only child. I of course always understood and never held it against them, it was hard to support myself from age 15 on but I did, and it definitely taught me some great lessons.
Now that I have a baby, my partner and I work full-time trying to support her and ourselves. We have someone who cares for her throughout the week but it’s financially killing us. My parents don’t feel comfortable watching her other than a day sometimes throughout the week so we don’t have much help from them.
They also have never asked if we need help with formula or diapers or anything of the sort, even clothes. Not that I feel entitled to that, but I feel it’s normal to offer support in that way, even if it’s just cooking a meal for us and bringing it over during our work week.
For context, my partner is from France and his entire family is there and we’re living in the states so my mom and dad are the only support we have here.
My parents have always been deeply insecure and controlling, recently we have been going to their house (a 45-minute drive) on Sundays to have dinner together.
Sunday is the only day my partner and I have off together and we have decided that we won’t be going to my parents every week, maybe once every two or three weeks. We are pulling back because we feel very alone and feel little support from them, and we’re also tired and want time as a family.
My parents are of course welcome to come to our home whenever though.
With us telling them this, it’s created a huge issue and my parents are angry and think we are leaving them out and neglecting them and they have told us that they’re lonely.
Every time I talk to my mom she says she misses me and is weird it’s me. We have been tense and weird since, and always on the verge of fighting, but I low-key don’t care. My parents think I’m beingcold-hearted and can’t understand why I’m stepping away.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – any relationship is a two-way street. And it sounds like you’re relationship with your parents is one way (you going to them). They need to be understanding that for you to leave is a trip, you have to pack up things for the baby.
It’s not like you can just get in the car and go, you need to make sure you have everything you need for the kid. (I have a son, and I remember what an ordeal it was to pack up the kid’s stuff to visit family for the weekend when he was younger and we would make the 2-hour drive to visit my parents or my ex’s parents).
You have already made it clear they can come to you.
Stand your ground, if they want to see the kid every weekend, they can come to visit you more.” Thisisthatguy99
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – you are not responsible for your parents’ emotional well-being.
if they are lonely, that is on them to do something about it, like get involved in volunteering or start a new hobby.
Your baby is not their emotional support animal.
When you talk to them and they say they are lonely, suggest that they volunteer or start a new hobby.
Remind them that they are responsible for their own happiness.
Given that you and your husband only have one day a week off together, visiting your parents once/month is completely reasonable. I would suggest every 4-6 weeks. You need those other Sundays to spend time as a family unit together.
That’s where you build memories with each other. It’s fall time, so one of these Sundays should be going to get a pumpkin… find family fun things to do on Sundays…
Your parents are the ‘you must come to me, I will not go to you’ grandparents… well, then that is their choice and their loss of time with their grandchild.
You should not force the, or guilt them into, doing things they don’t want to do. At the same time, you should not feel bad that you are spending enough time with them. That’s on them, not you.
I think what your mom misses is raising you. When she was raising you, you were home all the time. Her life purpose was raising you. Now that you are grown and building your own life, she misses raising you.
She never got the memo that raising kids is a temp job with a termination date of the child becoming an adult and going off to build their own lives. She never made the transition to the parent of an adult daughter.
She is an empty nester, and needs a new purpose, and needs to accept that she is no longer in charge of your life and that if she wants to see you, she needs to meet you on your terms. That is the opposite of a parent of a minor child.
I would suggest that you think about this as you have a baby, and what lessons do you want to impart to her before she becomes an adult and leaves? How do you want to react to your child growing up and leaving, because it is a temp job for you too.” Buttercup303
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
You and your husband are now a family unit with a small child. Time with each other and your daughter is absolutely necessary and come before driving hours on your only day together to visit your parents.
It is absolutely normal for the two of you to make that time a priority.
If your parents want to see you – they can come and visit you. Period. The road travels both ways, and you have a little person that soon will be mobile and will hate being in a car seat for that long.
Your parents need to come to terms with the fact that you and your husband are both adults, and can make decisions about your life without their input and permission.” Electronic-Cat-4478
8. AITJ For Not Letting My Daughter Take The Public Bus To School?
“My husband’s company offered him a contract in Germany and he accepted so we moved to Berlin recently. By we, I mean, my husband (m40), my daughter, Katie (f12), and I (f34).
Katie started at a local school and things have been going well, she made some friends (really impressed by how well kids speak English here). But lately, she has been pushing for me to stop driving her to school. She’s been asking to go on a public bus with her friends.
I said, absolutely not, it’s too dangerous and she’s only 12. We can talk when she’s 16.
But she wouldn’t let it go and keep pestering me about this, telling me I am babying her. I said that if something happens, I wouldn’t forgive myself and she keeps bringing out that her friends have been doing it for years.
I said that if their parents are irresponsible, that’s their prerogative but she’s my child and she’ll do as I say (not my proudest moment but I’ve had enough).
My husband was on a work trip to neighboring Austria recently and he just came back and Katie ran to him to tell him what’s happened.
He approached me telling me it was safe and we could try for Katie to travel alone, all the kids are doing it here. But I refused.
I spoke with my sister who’s back in Iowa and she 100% agrees with me but one of my ex-pat friends suggested that I should try it with Katie and go on a bus with her a few times to see and that she’s feeling left out.
I said that I don’t think her feeling left out justified her risking it. But she said to think about this.
When I got home, Katie tried again, and when she heard no, she threw a tantrum yet again and is crying in her room.
She lost her phone privileges for calling me a buttface but I can’t help but wonder if I really am an overprotective buttface? AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. You’re wildly out of touch with the German transportation system. Trains and buses are THE normal mode of transportation for most families in large European cities.
Kids her age routinely travel together to school. Your sister in Iowa knows exactly nothing about how to travel responsibly in Europe. And even in the US kids commuting on buses, to school and public, are vastly less likely to end up in the hospital. The risk of car accident injuries in a private car is way underestimated and stranger danger, while a thing, is vastly overestimated.
Apologize for your poor international adjustment skills. Take the morning bus a few times until you better understand the feel of the neighborhood and the route. Ask if there are friends she can travel with.” capmanor1755
Another User Comments:
“Yep, YTJ, you labeled other parents as irresponsible for letting their kids ride.
That alone makes you a jerk. Maybe try learning about local cultural and societal norms and what the environment is like before crapping all over it with your American attitudes.
You aren’t superior, and you just look ignorant and arrogant by assuming all other parents are doing a poor job of looking after their kids when you know less than nothing about where you currently live.
This isn’t America, and you have a lot to learn. Also, socially isolating your daughter from her friends with your poor decisions is not going to help her settle in, so you aren’t even being a good parent.
And then, after making sure she can’t join in on the daily socialization on the bus, you decided to double down and make sure she is now excluded from them digitally as well. Oh yes, you are so protective of what’s good for your daughter, and this isn’t about your pride and ego at all rolling eyes.” Lilitu9Tails
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Plenty of American kids her age ride public transportation in cities with good systems. If her friends’ parents, who know the area way better than you, are allowing their kids to do this, you should reconsider your stance.
Sorry, but you really are being an overprotective buttface (but she should still get punishment for calling you that). You’re stifling your daughter’s opportunity to learn about another culture in an amazing way. And you’re stifling her learning to grow into a self-sufficient adult who can make decisions and navigate the world around her.
And let me ask you this. Have you made use of the bus system? It’s one of my favorite things to do when I visit new places, ride the buses and trains. It’s a whole new way to see a place.” Mrs_Weaver
7. AITJ For Not Giving My Notes To A Classmate?
“I (F21) am taking a fairly difficult upper-division biology class this semester. On the second day of class, a girl sat next to me and asked to borrow my notes since she had missed the first day of class due to scheduling conflicts.
I agreed and shared the Google Doc with her. I never saw her in class after that, but she could’ve just been sitting in a different spot, so I didn’t think anything of it.
I always intended to remove her from the doc once a few days had passed and she had enough time to get the notes down on her own doc, but classes caught up with me and it slipped my mind until yesterday.
I finally removed her from the doc and literally less than an hour later, she emailed me out of the blue asking if I wanted to study together. Keep in mind, we have a midterm worth a large portion of our grade in just a couple of days.
I thought it was just a coincidence and I’m always looking for study buddies, so I agreed and met up with her.
We made small talk and then I asked if we should get down to business and study.
I asked her where her notes were and she looked really awkward at that point. She said she had been using my notes to study and didn’t have any of her own because she hadn’t been to class since the second day.
But since I had revoked access to the doc, she couldn’t study anymore. She then asked if I could give her access back because she was very stressed out about the midterm.
Even though I was upset, I tried to be nice about it.
I said that I had worked very hard on my notes (which is true, I’m pretty detailed and organized with my note-taking) and that I wasn’t going to just hand them over to someone who hadn’t even gone to class.
The class is recorded, so there was nothing stopping her from rewatching the lectures she had missed and taking her own notes.
She looked like she was about to cry at that point and said she didn’t have time to rewatch all the lectures (they’re all 2 hours long and there are 15+ lectures) before the midterm because she was too stressed out with her other classes.
I said it was her own fault for not attending class in the first place and waiting until 2 days before the midterm to study. At that point, she actually started sobbing and said she was diagnosed with severe depression which made it hard to get out of bed to attend class (it was 8 AM).
I told her I was sorry and that I understood what she was going through since I also have depression, but she had weeks to learn the material on her own and I wasn’t just going to hand over my notes that I spent hours on.
Finally, she just called me cruel and left.
What’s made me doubt if I’m the jerk or not is that a few of my friends said that I could’ve just given her access to my notes until after the midterm and then taken them away, so I don’t know.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She sounds like she has more problems than just depression and I wouldn’t be shocked to find out that she was conning other people into taking notes for her in other classes. She tried to manipulate you into gaining access to your notes by asking you to study with her and only revealed that she had no notes of her own because she was forced to.
She may have very well chosen to sit next to you because of the fact that she saw you taking detailed notes. She may have depression but that doesn’t make people manipulative.
I’ve had depression since I was 9 and that’s never made me try to manipulate anyone into doing my work for me.
By trying to use her depression as leverage to get access to your notes she displayed even more entitled/manipulative behavior. She may have even made up the depression as a leverage tactic and cried to try and get your sympathies.
It’s on her to make sure she passes and you doing the work for her isn’t ok of her to ask. She’s not paying you for your time and hard effort in creating a detailed synopsis of the lectures. She has the means to fix the situation herself and is choosing not to in lieu of taking the easy route – which is getting you to work for her for free.
I wouldn’t be comfortable giving her my notes either with how many red flags she’s raised in your interactions with her. She’s the kind of person to not contribute to group projects but expects to get the grade anyways. Focus on your school work and don’t worry about keeping others afloat.
It’s not the nicest approach to life but if you spend too much time stopping others from drowning you drown with them.
You gave her good advice by telling her that the lectures are available to her. She can speak to the professor about extra time etc given her supposed hardships.
She needs to take care of her own life and not expect others to carry her. It would be more unkind in the long run to carry her just in the fact that life doesn’t work that way and if everyone caters to her she will continue thinking it does.
Better she learns now than later in life when it will matter far more.” aintbrokedontfixme
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Those are your notes, your work, and technically you only gave her permission to use them for the first lecture, not all subsequent ones.
You have no obligation to this girl at all.
If she wanted the notes, she should have made a personal copy (if possible with your sharing options). I wouldn’t rely on someone else’s cloud storage for something so important, I’d have an offline backup.
And if she couldn’t attend classes (because of illness or otherwise), she could watch the recordings, drop the class, and get accommodation from the professor. None of her several options to handle her issues have anything to do with you or your notes.” Fortressa-
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You’re in college to learn and part of learning is you go to your classes. If you’re severely depressed enough that you can’t attend classes, then you need to take medical leave until you’re well enough to cope.
She was taking advantage of you, and calling you names is seriously using her own depression as an excuse.
If you can’t attend a class you shouldn’t take it, and if she’s struggling she should talk to the professor, not dump this on another student.
Not your problem, and again, NTJ.
Also, you can download a copy of Google docs at any time. She hadn’t even managed to do that? It’s like, two mouse clicks.” Tim-oBedlam
6. AITJ For Yelling At My Mom For Accusing Me Of Stealing Her Credit Card?
“My (13f) mom noticed her credit card was missing. She immediately came into the room and started blaming my sister and me.
She took away my computer and phone and took my sister’s computer and tablet. She told us as soon as she finds her credit card we can have them back. I think it’s ridiculous because I have a couple of school assignments I need to submit before this Friday which is the end of the quarter.
But I can’t do that without my computer, which means I’m gonna get f’s on all my assignments.
It’s so frustrating because I don’t think I should be punished. After all, she can’t find her card. Obviously, My sister nor I didn’t take her credit card.
I really don’t know what to do because we looked everywhere and it’s stressing me out and causing me to panic because I’ve always had straight a’s. I tried to express my concern to my mom and she said ‘That’s too bad, guess you should find my credit card then.’ I really need the straight a’s because I’m applying for a scholarship that you need to have straight a’s from middle school all the way to high school.
If I don’t get these assignments in, it’s gonna ruin everything.
The main problem is my mom refuses to admit that she could possibly be wrong, and I really don’t know what to do. Anyways earlier today I asked her if I could just use the computer for one minute to turn them in and we got into a full-blown argument.
I ran out of the house and down the street to my neighbors (they’re family friends that I’ve known since birth) to ask them if I could use the computer. They agreed, but my mom came running after (which I can understand) and now I’m grounded from leaving the house for a whole month.
I really feel terrible for scaring my mom like that, so I need to know. AITJ?
Edit/Update: I talked to one of my teachers and he let me skip one of the assignments that didn’t matter as much to finish my other assignments.
My mom found her credit card at her work (never apologized) but didn’t give me my computer back because she said that I was still grounded for running out of the house.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your mom is being unreasonable by taking the laptop you need for school and then saying ‘you should have thought of that’ because she lost her credit card.
Your mom grounding you for running away when she was yelling at you instead of addressing her behavior is also unreasonable.
Unfortunately, at 13, there is very little you can do to fix the issue. Is there anyone who can talk some sense into your mom?
Your father, grandparent, other family member, or even your neighbors, or family friends.
Lastly, I would highly recommend talking to a counselor at your school or a trusted teacher about the situation with your mom who may be able to help you submit your assignments.
Good luck.” Worth-Ad776
Another User Comments:
“I’m so sorry kid. Definitely NTJ, and I wish there was anything I could do to help. Like, yeah, I’d go do your assignments for you if it were possible. Your mom needs mental help and that’s not a healthy environment for you to be in.
I’d say take everyone else’s advice and speak to a school counselor and your teachers about an extension. And see if there’s a way for you to stay after school and do your work from now on even when you get your laptop back so she can’t put you in this situation again.
Your mom can’t be trusted to not interfere with your schooling and I’ve gotta wonder if it’s not intentional. Sabotaging your kids so they don’t leave the nest is unfortunately common.” aintbrokedontfixme
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your mom is not handling this well (which happens to all of us sometimes).
Wait until she’s calm and try talking to her about school and the scholarship and ask again if you can use your computer for school assignments. Try to help her find the card.
If that fails, contact your teachers and let them know you temporarily don’t have a computer and they may give you an extension if you ask in a mature/respectful way.” Fun-Parsley5540
5. AITJ For Telling My Family Not To Come To My Graduation If They Don't Accept Me?
“I (23F) recently have started coming out to my family as bi, speaking with them individually (my parents, then my aunt, grandparents, etc). My parents are very openly against my being gay but have agreed to support me. When I came out to my aunt and asked if I could bring my SO to her thanksgiving dinner, she said that my SO is not welcome because their family/house ‘honors the lord Jesus’ and will not condone our relationship.
I told her if my SO is not welcome then I don’t feel welcome and I am no longer going. The rest of my extended family either had mixed reactions or I have not told yet but plan to talk to them soon.
I am graduating in December with a master’s degree, and a lot of my extended family is planning to go (this has been the plan for a long time). I want to celebrate my graduation with a dinner, and I want my SO to be there.
I told my family I refuse to not invite her to make them feel more comfortable because she is important to me, and that my being gay is not going to change because it’s not just a choice that I’m making, it’s me.
It hurts because my family has always gathered for a celebration meal after important events, and they are obviously an important part of my life. They seem to see it as me picking her over them, but I genuinely feel like it’s more that I’m picking myself and my happiness by allowing myself to be who I am and stop hiding from it.
I really want them to be there because I put a lot of value in my family’s support, but her coming is more important to me than appeasing their disapproval of my being gay by pretending like I’m something that I’m not.
Am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, you are NEVER the jerk for not standing for bigotry. Another point: ‘honors the Lord Jesus’. The same Lord Jesus that was friends with thieves and bad people and had dinner and washed the feet of the man that betrayed him, because he believed everyone deserved unconditional love under the eyes of his father?
The one who always supported those who were outcast and minorities? I get so irritated with people cherry-picking what part of Christianity they want to use and then ignoring the rest.
You have every right to choose who comes to your graduation dinner/party and you have EVERY right to set boundaries.
If they can’t respect you being gay they don’t respect you point blank, and thus do not deserve sympathy from you, much as it may hurt you.” RedditUserIsUnknown
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If they refuse to invite your SO because of their antiquated views, I’m not sure why when the tables are turned and you invite your SO to YOUR event, they get to have a say.
Tell them your SO is coming and they are welcome to show up or not. That’s their choice at that point and don’t let them turn it around on you.
I would send out invites asking folks to RSVP if they are coming or not so you know how many to account for.
They are welcome to not show up if that’s their prerogative. It sucks they care more about their bigotry than you as family, but if they can’t fully accept you and your SO then they don’t need to be in your circle.
Hopefully, some of them will realize they actually care about YOU more than caring about who you share your life with. Let them sever the ties on their own so they can’t wiggle out of taking accountability.
I would say have Thanksgiving with your SO and don’t even dwell on your aunt’s party.
Either with her family or just the two of you. Don’t let them ruin things for you. You will probably have a much better time than having to be stuck listening to their bigotry all night.” CloverLeafe
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
I think this is a very difficult situation, you have plenty to be thankful to your family in terms of their support, also because you are used to big family celebrations. Unless you can change their minds, you will have to make the decision which you prefer: your family there but hiding yourself and denying your SO or vice versa.
I would also add that this is a fairly new relationship.
That said they are now thinking of you as less than others because of your s*******y and this is never right. Honestly, their attitude sounds so toxic, it will only be a matter of time before they drive you away anyway.
There is no right decision (in so much as some will pick one way and others will pick another and neither is wrong) but I do think the fault lies squarely with your family.
One thing I would say though is your comment ‘and that my being gay is not going to change because it’s not just a choice that I’m making, it’s me.’ whilst this may be correct for some, I am not sure you should pigeonhole yourself.
For some, s*******y can be fluid and you don’t owe them an explanation or to deny yourself if you find yourself attracted to other people.” TheVoiceofOlaf
4. AITJ For Asking My In-Laws To Talk To My Son In English?
“We’re currently visiting my in-laws and have been here for a week. From the first day we arrived, my son has been unusually clingy to me. He also gets upset and pretends he doesn’t understand them when they speak to him in Italian, even though his dad almost exclusively speaks to him in Italian.
Yesterday my husband’s uncle kept trying to speak to him in Italian and he got scared and started crying. I decided to ask my in-laws to speak to my son in English as they all can and I think it would help him feel more comfortable around them.
Some of my husband’s family are perfectly okay with this but some members of the family are very unhappy with my request, my husband and his dad included.
My husband thinks this is a good chance for our son to practice speaking Italian and that the issue isn’t the language but because my son knows he can cling to me when he doesn’t want to do something.
He wants me to leave our son alone with him and some of his family for a few hours which I told him was a horrible idea. My father-in-law thinks I don’t understand how important it is for him to know Italian and to appreciate and honor his heritage.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“I’m leaning towards ‘no jerks here’.
Your husband and his family want the safety net cut because they want him fluent in Italian. That’s why they want him only speaking Italian when he’s actually with relatives who speak it.
The culture – including the language – is very important to your husband, and he wants him to be truly half Italian, even if he doesn’t see that part of the family as often as yours. I’m assuming you’ve known this expectation as soon as you discussed how prospective children would be raised.
But… you’re not wrong. If he’s actually traumatized and not just temporarily shy, that’s another story. I’m sure it’s frustrating -possibly even heartbreaking – to your in-laws, especially your parents-in-law, but he simply doesn’t know them that well due to where you’ve decided to make your lives.
I hope you can all be kind to each other. I’m sure that not seeing them at all during the height of the global crisis hasn’t helped the situation, and that’s another factor to consider. Try to remind your husband as gently as possible that even his parents can’t come on like gangbusters, because he probably doesn’t know them at all.
I’ll bet he’ll finally start warming up to them just when it’s time for you to go home, which will be another tough moment for them.” Pale_Cranberry1502
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
A three-year-old boy wants the safety net of having mom and dad around while he’s around unfamiliar territory.
He’s in a new place, around a lot of new people and a language he only has some familiarity, its a lot for an adult, never mind a toddler.
I think the goal right now is for your son to build a bond with his grandparents and extended family.
Feel safe. And then work on language skills.
He’s only three, and his primary language isn’t there yet. As long as dad keeps speaking to him in Italian at home, maybe putting on Italian children’s tv at home. I see no point to try to throw him in the deep and see if he can swim yet.
It could backfire on the husband and the kid will not only not feel safe around his grandparents, but then struggle with attachment issues with you, since you left him when he was already scared.” Intelligent-Ad-4568
Another User Comments:
“Very soft ‘everyone sucks here’.
This is an amazing opportunity. Are you in the US? Far too many of us don’t know more than just American English (and too many don’t even know that very well).
I think you should approach this more from a stance of ‘this is kind of frightening him, can we approach it in a slower way and ease him into it?’
Based on your post, it seems that it’s that he’s kind of being bombarded with it and it’s that, not the language itself, that’s the problem.
Your in-laws seem a little too eager to get this show on the road.
If your son has never been exposed that much before then it’s a little much for him to suddenly be thrust into a situation where everyone is jabbering stuff at him he doesn’t understand.
You should all have a nice calm discussion about it, on your part, that you’re not opposed, but just want it to be a gentler more gradual thing, and on their part, you can listen and show appreciation for their bi-lingual (or more) abilities.
EDIT: Apologies, I missed the part where your husband speaks Italian with your son already. This is most likely a ‘strangers are scaring me’ thing more than an ‘I can’t understand the language’ thing. You need to address the whole issue from that standpoint rather than coming at it from a direction that could insult and alienate people.” c**********2
Another User Comments:
“Soft YTJ, have you ever worked with little kids at a school or daycare? They could be having the time of their life and being pretty independent–until their mom comes in. At this point, they forget every group rule they were previously following and become weepy and clingy.
It’s the nature of some kids and while you shouldn’t ignore his distress you shouldn’t necessarily try to fix the problem for him -especially because the problem seems to be more about meeting new people who know him when he doesn’t know them and not just because of the language.
Imagine if a stranger came up to you and started talking to you like they had known you all your life. That’d be pretty weird. That’s on you and your husband for not preparing him enough, but it’s not some huge parental crime.
Just make sure to do better next time.
Work with him to solve the problem, be a supportive presence by being calm, and not working him up more. Give him context by talking about these family members a lot more if you know that they are coming and how they will be so excited to see him and how much Dad’s told them about him etc.” UrHumbleNarr8or
3. AITJ For Publicly Embarrassing My Mom During A National Conference?
“I (18f) have always had a rocky relationship with my parents, especially my mom. My mom very consistently lies about me for attention and it makes me very upset, but I never really called her out on it.
I decided my senior year that I was not going to college for personal reasons (finances and I already have a career path I like). My mom didn’t like my decision at all and was very very actively against it.
So my mom invites me and my partner and to help her at this national conference (for privacy reasons, I will not be disclosing any more information about the conference itself besides it was a business conference). It’s about a 10-hour drive away and she said she would drive us there, pay for our room and food, and give us about $500 to go for the week.
We both agreed and go a few weeks later. It was a lot of very physical labor all at once and then sitting and doing nothing for hours, so we frequently wandered around the conference.
We were walking around and ran into my mom talking to her colleagues (a pretty large group of people, I don’t remember how many).
She introduced both of us to her and her colleagues asked me what my future plans were. I said I wasn’t planning on going to college and wanted to do something like personal training (I’ve been a competitive lifter since I was 15 and have built a following in my area).
My mom quickly cut me off and said I was taking a gap year.
After she finished I said, in front of everyone, that I had no plans of going to college or taking a gap year and I have told my mom that.
My mom tried to laugh it off and said I was taking a gap year. I said I was working towards certification and that I never had any intentions of going to college. Her colleagues were visibly uncomfortable but my mom kept talking.
She mentioned that I graduated first in my class and could go to college wherever I wanted (that is not even close to true, I barely got through my senior year and almost didn’t graduate because I missed so many days).
I corrected her again, saying I did not graduate first in my class and that (valedictorian) graduated first in my class. She tried to laugh it off and said I was close. I corrected her and said I wasn’t even close.
Her colleagues then excused themselves and left. I and my partner also left and explored the conference more.
Later, she got really mad at me and yelled at me because I embarrassed her in front of her colleagues. I told her that if she didn’t lie it wouldn’t have happened. She said I always embarrass her and I just need to keep my mouth shut.
I got so angry I started to tear up and I and my partner left to go to the hotel. My partner says my actions were justified and he is proud of me for standing up for myself. I am still second-guessing whether that was the right thing to do.
AITJ?
EDIT: My mom lied about this a lot before. People come up and ask and it creates confusion. I had asked her to stop before and she clearly had not and that’s why I chose to confront her then.”
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here.
Your mum was wrong to lie about you and your future plans. If she didn’t lie this definitely wouldn’t be a problem.
But I think once you knew that your mum had told them something different, you should have kept quiet.
These people are your mum’s colleagues/customers. She may have reasons for saying what she did and even if she didn’t by embarrassing her you may have put her role in jeopardy.
If you were angry, you should have spoken to her separately.” TheVoiceofOlaf
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but next time don’t attend events like this with her or go anywhere with her for that matter. She’s never going to stop and put her aspirations on you.
Also, I don’t want to freak you out or anything but in high school, I did not want college and was also looking into going into fitness and nutrition and it did not go well – it’s very much a gig economy with no benefits when you are starting out.
If you do not want to do college you will need to find ‘survival work’ as you work towards building your brand and reputation. We are also coming out of a global crisis -getting paid clients are tough, especially keeping them on.
Honestly, I know it’s not your thing but either a 2nd job or part-time in college until you get a degree will better sustain you in the long term, especially around health insurance and the inevitable unemployment between slow times/minimal income.” TravelPenguinLAX
Another User Comments:
“I’m going with ‘everyone sucks here’.
Should she lie absolutely not, that was a jerk move because she wanted to look better in front of her work friends or whatever.
Could you have just rolled your eyes and said sure mom whatever and moved on which would make your disagreement clear to everyone there but not embarrassed your mother, yeah?
So taking it that far I would say is a jerk move.
Both of you made the jerk move of involving random people in your family issues and arguments instead of hashing it out at home like polite people do.
People want to impress the people around them. When you’re a parent one of these is bragging about the success of your child. Is it right, not really? Is it annoying, usually? But it is a very human thing to do.
So I understand why your mother did it, just like I understand how annoying it is that your parent doesn’t find your passions good enough.” lesbianbell92
2. AITJ For Not Wanting To Wear A Skirt At My Sister's Funeral?
“I (19, assigned female at birth, non-binary woman) was raised extremely religious in a culty catholic sect. My parents are in this sect still. Recently, my preteen sister died in a tragic vehicular accident. They did the funeral in the catholic cult tradition.
All women were required to wear skirts. Due to religious trauma and gender issues, on top of what I was dealing with, I could not deal with putting on a skirt. My family knows I refuse to wear skirts which is why they made that a requirement to attend her funeral.
It’s not my fault my little sister’s funeral was being said in this rite, and I’m an adult I can choose what to wear. I wasn’t going to miss my own sister’s funeral, So I attended the funeral in a nice pants suit.
After the funeral, my dad screamed at me saying I ‘can’t even be respectful of my own sister’ and ‘would’ve hurt me to put on a skirt for a couple of hours?’ I said does he have anything else to be worrying about rn than what I, an adult, wore.
My moms not talking to me, but my siblings are taking my side.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. They don’t make men wear skirts, a non-binary human shouldn’t be forced to wear a skirt if they’re uncomfortable or pants if they’re uncomfortable the other way.
You wore funeral clothes you were comfortable in and from your other sibling’s reactions I’m betting your sister would have been just fine with your choice too. I’m so sorry for your loss OP, at the end of the day the clothes don’t matter as long as you can live in them and I’m sorry your parents didn’t understand that.
You deserved better. All of you are hurting and this should be a time where you grow together, not apart.” FridayNightQueen
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here. Your parents are clearly focused on the wrong things and should love you the way you are.
But also the tone that you speak about your family and the way they want to live is extremely rude and blunt. If you want them to be more accepting of who you are, maybe try to practice the same acceptance you are asking for.” BigPeace888
Another User Comments:
“‘they made that a requirement to attend her funeral.’
They tried. Says a lot about whoever had this idea, that they took this opportunity to try to make this a demand, which means it’s about control, not about respecting your sister, at all.
It’s what terrible people and manipulators do, try to get control when we are vulnerable.
You were there to show respect. Your presence and your attitude were showing respect.
His wasn’t. He wasn’t able to give you any respect, as an adult who makes your own decisions for yourself, because his drive for control was more important to him.
NTJ.” blueberryyogurtcup
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here.
On a day that was supposed to be about a poor girl that lost her life, you and your parents decided to focus on your own life and clothes. They shouldn’t have lost their minds for you wearing pants and it literally was just a few hours, you could have worn shorts under it.
Trauma is a thing but you only get to bury someone once.” bloodandash
1. AITJ For Missing My Father-In-Law's Funeral?
“I (f31) and my MIL don’t have a close relationship.
She’s civil towards me but can be a bit passive-aggressive at times and we tend to disagree oftentimes.
We live in a different state. FIL passed away suddenly and MIL told me and my husband to come to attend the funeral. She booked our tickets to fly to her state.
But the issue started when my husband told me that we couldn’t sit together on the plane because his mom had booked him a first-class ticket while I got economy. I was flabbergasted by this. I tried asking him why but he urged me to ‘s*****t up, and we’ll talk about it later’.
At that moment, that particular moment I felt so much humiliation and contempt. I felt like she was treating me as less than even in her hard times. I decided to not go and just go back home. My husband was shocked by my decision to go home and tried to convince me to just go but I declined.
He went alone and I ended up missing the funeral. He was livid just calling me and texting nasty things calling me petty and spoiled. He said that I should be grateful his mom paid for my ticket, to begin with then said that she doesn’t OWE me anything.
I argued about how she could’ve just booked us both in the economy if money was an issue but he called me pathetic for thinking about it when his dad just passed away. He said it was cruel what I did and that his mom and family will never forget that I missed the funeral for ridiculous reasons.
AITJ for going home over this?
ETA. One of the reasons I didn’t settle for the economy ticket was that I wanted to sit next to my husband and support him. He sobbed the whole ride to the airport and I didn’t want to leave his side.
I was shocked when he told me we couldn’t sit together, and how he said it like he had no issue with it.”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Yes, it was VERY awful of your MIL to book you in economy class, while your husband was in first class.
But you let a petty quarrel with your MIL prevent you from supporting your husband when he needed you the most.
Your husband has every right to be mad. You basically told him that your grudge against your MIL is more important than supporting him.
Edit: no, I won’t say everyone sucks here. The husband doesn’t suck. And the MIL just lost her lifelong partner, have to pay for plane tickets for 2 people, and wanted to pay a little treat to her son… I am giving her the benefit of the doubt that she did this to spoil her son, not to annoy her DIL.” MaybeAWalrus
Another User Comments:
“YTJ
I get where you’re coming from, mom probably thought she could do something to divide you from her son in his time of grief. But, y’know you fell for it hook line, and sinker, right? She drove a wedge between you and your husband and, ensured the family will remember you as the wife who didn’t go to her husband’s dad’s funeral, and it doesn’t sound like your husband was lost on the issue: he just asked you to hang in there for one plane ride in the economy.
He knew she was doing something awful, but also knew it was not like he can refuse to GO TO HIS OWN DAD’S FUNERAL.
You played right into her hand better than she could have ever hoped for, and then made sure she got to spin whatever narrative she wants while your husband is left holding the bag.
Do you think he’s gonna say ‘she didn’t come because her paid-for ticket wasn’t first class like mine.’? What is he even going to be able to do?
It’s just about supporting your husband when everyone around him is in a time of grief and you did more damage than a petty MIL to your relationship with him and his family.
It was the exact reaction she was hoping for from you.” Anarchical-Sheep
Another User Comments:
“YTJ
You know going in that your MIL and you don’t get along. Your husband’s father PASSED AWAY, and you couldn’t swallow your pride to be present for your husband in his time of grief.
Was the flight full and these were the only two seats available at the last minute? Could you have exchanged your ticket and gotten a first-class seat yourself if you paid the difference?
If she did it maliciously, you played right into your MIL’s hands.
Instead of being the bigger person, you abandoned your husband to sulk. You lose and she wins.
The biggest loser of all is your husband. He’s grieving and has to deal with the two most important women in his life fighting instead of coming together as a FAMILY.” Savings_Ice_5856
