People Worry About Their Instincts In These 'Am I The Jerk?' Stories
21. AITJ For Insisting My Son's Preschool Teacher Doesn't Share Information With Our Mutual Family Friends?
“Tomorrow I’m meeting with my son’s preschool teacher for a 1 on 1 meeting before school starts. We already had a group meeting (all the parents and teachers with assistants etc) a little over a month ago. Everything was great, but then she pulled me aside after we were done.
Long story short: we know each other but I didn’t remember. Our dads have been besties since high school. They are each other’s oldest friends, and as very young children, we played together. This was all in State #1, my family moved to State #2, and then she and her family visited us there on their way to move to State #3.
We are both now in State #4. (For non-US, these are very far distances. #1 is at least 10 hours from #2, probably a 13-15 hour drive from there to #3, and I know for a fact that it’s 14 hours from #2 to #4.)
She figured this out because my email has my maiden name.
She recognized it and asked her dad, who confirmed with my dad that it was me. The problem? I’m in NC with my dad. His wife did horrific things to me, and last March I realized that he wasn’t blameless in her actions, and to protect my children from seeing how they still treat me (even though I’m in my mid-30s…) I cut them off completely.
They haven’t met my younger son, and honestly, I’ve felt so free and happy since then (crazy how stressful it was to try to ignore her to have a relationship with him).
At the time, I made a polite comment along the lines of “Just so you know, we’re not in contact anymore.” Then I immediately called my little sister, AND SHE ALREADY KNEW, because my dad had told her.
So basically, before even meeting me, the news had gone from her to her dad to my dad to my sister and I was the last to know.
I want to find a way to emphasize that under no circumstances do I want info about my son to pass from her to her dad to my dad.
I have nothing against her personally (like I said, I don’t remember her), but this is important to me. I don’t want to trauma dump, don’t want to share details, and don’t want to cause drama. However, I need to find a way to emphasize how important it is that she respects our privacy.
WIBTJ for strongly telling her to keep our info private and not tell her dad about us? I don’t want to make a bad impression, and I want my kid to love preschool.”
Another User Comments:
“You would not be the jerk for setting these boundaries.
Maybe bring her a coffee or something if you’re going to have a face-to-face. And I would just be as honest and direct as possible(without divulging more than you’re comfortable). But since you are worried about how you will seem to her, it is probably better to take her into your confidence as much as you comfortably can.
Chances are, if she is a tender-hearted person, (as most preschool teachers are) she will empathize with you, protect your privacy, and hopefully you will never have to speak of it with her again.” mom-a
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Is there an option to get in a different class?
If not? “I understand your curiosity, but you could have asked me before going to your father. Your actions have put me and my children at risk. I am telling you now that you cannot tell *anyone* outside of the requirements of the school, myself, and my spouse about my child.
No anecdotes, no updates, no passing on what I or my child say. Not to your father, and most certainly not to mine. “I take my privacy very seriously. Your actions have already caused me significant disruption and harm. I understand that you didn’t intend to do so, and I acknowledge that your opinion on certain people may differ from mine.
That is irrelevant. I am telling you not to share information about my child. “If I find out that any information about my child has been made available to anyone outside of this room, I will be forced to take action. If you do not believe you will be able to maintain my child’s privacy as you are required to do, I am asking you to report that fact to your employer, so that we can begin to find a solution that does not negatively affect the safety of my family.” Natural_Garbage7674
Another User Comments:
“NTJ I’d schedule a meeting with her one day, and just give her an overview of your situation, and why it’s important that information not be relayed to anyone besides you and your listed contacts. Tell her this is a preemptive step to avoid a bigger problem in the future, and then thank her for understanding the delicacy of the situation.
I would assume she didn’t know the history and just thought this was a fun reconnect when she asked her parents about this.” CaptainSneakers
20. AITJ For Refusing To Spend Time With My Mother's Stepchild?
“My mom has always been a mess. When I was 4 she told the man she was married to, who believed he was my dad, that he wasn’t, and a DNA test proved mom was telling the truth. They’d been separated for 3 years at that point and he stopped fighting to see me to get the divorce and I never saw him again.
My mom has no idea who my actual father is. She said there are so many potential fathers for me.
When I was 6 my mom got pregnant and had my (half) sister Emmy (16). Emmy and I grew up close because of how much of a mess Mom was.
Mom’s on-and-off husband of the last 14 years is Adam and he’s a jerk. He and his mom never divorced but they have separated three different times since they got married (after only a month of knowing each other). And there are times they have smaller breakups too.
But I lost count of those. Adam and I had a toxic relationship and we butted heads a lot. My mom always put Adam before me and Emmy and as a result, I had no respect for her. But she also gave us a poor childhood.
We rarely had what we needed, she and Adam would fight a lot and she’d stay even when all the fighting made Emmy cry. I asked her to leave Adam when I was 12 and focus on me and Emmy and she told me that she would never let us break them up.
She told me he was too important.
When I was 16 I was taken into foster care but Emmy was kept at home. I stayed in foster care until I turned 18. I kept in touch with Emmy as much as I could and I ended up not doing college and instead focusing on a trade so I could get stable and help Emmy as much as possible, but I was never going to be able to get custody and I did try but was refused.
So since I left Mom and Adam broke up again and Adam had a daughter with someone else who he and Mom are now raising together. I think she’s 5. Or something like that.
I’m in extremely low contact with Mom. I only don’t block her in case she stops Emmy from seeing me at all.
But now she wants me to take her stepkid who she calls her daughter. She told me I should spend time with both of my “siblings”. I replied that I had one sibling; Emmy. She told me I shouldn’t take our issues out on her youngest and I could easily have them both over for a movie or a pizza night like I do with Emmy.
She’s putting pressure on Emmy to take the kid with her when she visits me. I told Mom it wouldn’t be happening and that the younger child had nothing to do with me. And I want to clarify that I have never met the kid.
My mom said she would do more to stop Emmy from seeing me if I didn’t agree. Emmy told me we could figure it out. She doesn’t always know when she’s with me. Mom also told me I should be a hero to both the girls.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Emmy is your sister. Your mom’s stepkids are not your responsibility, nor do you owe them anything. Can you be cordial if you ever see them? Absolutely. Can you help Emmy make them a gift for a birthday or something if she ever asks?
Sure! Do you owe that stepchild one time or time with you and Emmy? No way. Now if Emmy asked you genuinely if the stepkid could tag along, that might be different.” Juniperdrops
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – First, I’m sorry for your mother’s behavior and the hard times you went through growing up.
That you are still trying to protect Emmy and were even willing to take her in is a sign of what a good person you are. Second, you have no relationship with Adam’s child and no reason to have one. You should be able to still see Emmy without having to take the other child as well.
Document your mother’s threats as much as possible. If they are in text or email save copies. If they are in voice communication write down when they happen. Present that information to the relevant authorities. Even if they can’t remove Emmy from your mother’s care they should at least be able to help ensure you can still see her.
Also, make sure Emmy has a copy of your contact info stored somewhere safely. She’ll soon be 18 and free of your mother’s control. Even if your mother is temporarily able to block her from contacting you as soon as she is 18 she’ll know how to find you again.
Hang in there, 2 years seems a long time now but it will be here before you know it and both. You and Emmy can go to NC with your toxic mother forever at that point. ” Dschingis_Khaaaaan
Another User Comments:
“I think your Mom is looking for a sitter, not a sister.
You owe Mom nothing. Take care of your sister as much as you can. Be nice to the kid if you cross paths. I hope mom doesn’t use your sister, but I assume she will. Hopefully, your sister will make her own choices since she is older now.
Being 16 I believe if she went to court to try and be with you she may have a good chance. Good luck stay strong” Archie3874.
19. AITJ For Stepping Down As Maid Of Honor Due To Constant Fights Between My Niece And Her Soon-To-Be Stepsister?
“My sister and her fiancé Mark have known each other for 5 years. At first, they knew each other as parents of kids in the same class, they started seeing each other two years ago and they got engaged 6 months ago.
My sister’s daughter is Lily (14) and Mark’s daughter is Gemma (14). The girls weren’t big fans of each other before my sister and Mark started seeing each other. There was no bullying or serious bad blood before but they weren’t friends and they didn’t want to be.
Once my sister and Mark started seeing each other? Oh boy did things change? Fighting at school, fighting when they’d all meet up to spend time together, fighting at home after they moved in together, they fought at the engagement party and again at the engagement dinner, which was just for the family.
My sister asked me to be her maid of honor and I said yes. At the time I wasn’t aware my sister and Mark were forcing the girls to be bridesmaids and when I learned this, my sister told me one of my maid of honor jobs was to keep on top of the girls during wedding prep and on the wedding day.
She wanted me to make sure they were smiling for photos, to make sure they didn’t argue, and to make sure they didn’t ruin their dresses or anything out of spite at the wedding.
I told her that was a big ask and she told me a maid of honor must ensure things go perfectly.
And it won’t be perfect if the girls look angry in photos or start yelling at each other. She said it also wouldn’t be any good if they refused to stand near each other. I told her that’s an impossible task given they fight all the time.
She told me I could figure something out and as the young, cool aunt I could find a way. I tried once. We went dress shopping for the wedding dress and the girls were fighting the whole time. Gemma told my sister she looked disgusting in every dress which made her and Lily’s fighting worse.
It was crazy and even when I sorta got them separated it was clear they were ready to fight some more.
So I stepped down as maid of honor and told my sister it was not a job I would do. She became angry and told me I needed to step up here as her sister and who else would do it.
I told her nobody in their right mind would and just because I’m her sister it doesn’t mean I’m willing to be miserable like that for her. She accused me of trying to ruin her wedding and her happily ever after.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“From one cool aunt to another, no, NTJ. Your sister is a little delusional thinking you can wave your magic cool auntie wand and make these girls stop fighting/arguing/yelling. Gemma isn’t a fan of your niece *or your sister* based on telling her that she looks disgusting in the dresses she tried. Happily Ever After is not coming; at least not shortly, and I guarantee that these girls will continue to be an ongoing source of stress for your sister and Mark.
Speaking of . . where is Mark in of this and how is he trying to help with the girls? If ever a family needed to get some kind of therapy, your sister, Mark, and these girls are prime candidates.” All7AndWeWatchEmFall
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. But you should tell your sister, she should stop with the wedding planning and take the girls to therapy.
Or to at least live separately until the girls are grown up and out of the house. But this is – I understand that the girls are acting out. If they don’t like each other but their parents think ‘We have to play family now whatever you think, we don’t care.
You are just kids.'” Trevena_Ice.
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your sister’s expectations of a maid of honor are absurd and unreasonable. She also thinks she can simply force the two girls to like each other and to like the blended family and she just can’t.
She needs to take the blending a lot more slowly. She needs to get family counseling. She needs to stop pretending everything is fine. You are doing the right thing by not enabling her ridiculous behavior.” cascadia1979
18. AITJ For Calling My Mom's Partner Dumb After He Damaged My Fishing Gear?
“He always does stupid stuff all the time. He doesn’t respect me or my sister so I don’t respect him.
Anyway, my mom wanted me to drive up to a dealership so she could drop her car off and I could pick her up in my car. We get to the end of her driveway and her partner pulls up and starts talking to my mom.
I’m putting letters in the mailbox so I didn’t see him get in my mom’s car. Fast forward to when they get there, her partner gets out and I’m like uh what? My back seat and truck bed is full of every tool/ supplies imaginable and it has been like that for months because of my job and school.
He opens the door to the backseat and I got a lot of expensive fishing gear back there too. The most expensive being the reels being 260 a piece. I was already sweating bullets cause this guy doesn’t care about anyone’s belongings.
So I get out and go back to the rear passenger door and I say let me move my stuff “Nah it’s fine I can manage” I can’t ever argue with him either because my mom defends him no matter what he’s done.
Then my mom gets in the passenger seat and we drive home. They both complain about how uncomfortable they are on the way home. Then we got to the driveway and I let her partner out while getting out he knocked out one of my reels(with the box around it) on the ground and without looking back I knew what happened. He doesn’t say a word except “Hold on don’t leave till I get this back in your truck” I was pretty upset and I still am.
I would have thought a sorry? Or is my bad? Or anything like that would have been appropriate. Is that bad of me to say? The box the reel is in isn’t very thick but the reel has no bubble wrap or anything to protect it inside.
And the reel is fine I’ve looked at it, although the box is a little rough. I then drive my mom and me up to the house and I get out I called her partner dumb while I was looking at the box and the reel.
She said “I’m sure it’s fine. Don’t ever call him that again.” and again it was fine but nobody seemed to care about my stuff. And I spent a lot of money on the reel and worked hard for that money. But oh god if I did something like that my rear end would be beat.
My mom talked to me when we got inside too and she just made me feel like I’m the problem and I don’t know if I am.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, does he disrespect her as much as he does you and your stuff, not knowing your age it’s tough to say much, but time to move out.” demon803
17. AITJ For Not Telling My Injured Friend About My Secret Wedding?
“So Lynn is a girl I’m in adult ballet class with and we get along very well. I’d say she is a good friend but we often don’t see or hear each other for bouts of time since we have different lives outside of the class and it sometimes just isn’t easy.
Nevertheless, we are very open and I consider her quite a close friend.
In June, Lynn got into a car accident and moved temporarily back to her parents. When I just heard about it, I immediately texted her and asked if I could do anything and she told me it was very hard for her to text with the injuries.
Then throughout the summer, I did not hear from her nor contact her considering she was too far away for me to be able to help and that she had told me it was so hard to text. Furthermore, I was going through a lot of turmoil at my job and career changes and did not want to bother her with this.
I also had a long business trip on which I was often without data or wifi. And I was quite miserable there as well due to it being the last few weeks at my job that was exploiting me.
Then I went on my holiday and went offline most of the time.
And at the end of it, I had planned a secret wedding ceremony with 4 friends. This is something that I did with my husband because we did not want the stress and expectations of a real wedding but just wanted a private night celebrating our love and hosting a party the year after, without the classic reception and ceremony so less stress less hassle, very us.
No one knew about this except the four people who were with us. Not even my family. We did however take pictures because it was a beautiful day and we decided to share them on socials after because we were proud and we did want to tell people that we had the ceremony.
We just didn’t want prying eyes. And also it served as a good prompt to tell people that there will be a party next year and that they are invited.
Now before these got posted, I texted Lynn the day I arrived back home from holiday.
Asking if she recovered, telling her I had a chaotic summer and was sorry I had not found time earlier to check in, and asking if it was possible to meet up in any capacity. This was August 20.
She did not reply. On August 27 I posted my pictures on social media and Lynn texted me saying “You got married?????” And I replied “Yes hee hee it was really fun but more importantly next year there is a party and you have to be there !!!!!” (I always text this way a bit silly)
She did not reply. Today I asked her again how she was and can she meet up. I then received a 5-minute voice note telling me it was outrageous that I “went no-contact” and that she had to find out about the wedding via Instagram, that she expects friends to check in with each other, and that I did not tell her stuff.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ: But you kind of made your mess. A friend is injured and you don’t talk to her for months. If she’s severely injured so she can’t text she’d have a lot of time on her hands. Of course, it would feel to her like you dropped her when she could have used a friend.
A few quick phone calls and texts would have gone a long way. Your social media post should have explained that you had a secret wedding and only four people knew beforehand. You are completely oblivious to the fact that Lynn is just the first person who is feeling ostracized. I expect you will be meeting friends in the coming weeks who will be quite distant towards you.” housepost
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, even if she was perfectly healthy, you had no obligation to tell her, as you said there were only 4 people, does she think that she’s more important than both your family and your husband, and the friends you and husband have for many years?
Also, she keeps treating you like a jerk and then expects you to treat her well…” Specialist-Leek-6927.
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Communication is a two-way street. Both people in the relationship need to make an effort to keep it going, it can’t just always be the burden of one person to continuously reach out to the other person.
In reading your post, it sounds like she ghosted you as much as you ghosted her. You reached out to her and she blew you off. Then when she didn’t hear from you for a little while, she never made an effort to reach out to you.
That to me is someone who is not a friend. OP, you did nothing wrong, and you should move on from this acquaintanceship. If she couldn’t reciprocate your efforts and reach out to you and find out that you were struggling and offer support to you, was she ever really a true friend?” NoodlesMom0722
16. AITJ For Not Inviting My Friend To The Gaming Convention After His Unappreciative Behavior?
“So every year I go to a multi-day long gaming convention and for the past few years, I’ve been taking a friend (mf) and his brother(jp) with me. We’ve gone to several different conventions with all 3 of us together and never had an issue.
However, this past year’s convention happened and mf had gotten on my nerves so badly, that I didn’t want to invite him to another outing ever again.
Mf and Jp showed up at my place a day before we were leaving for the convention and Mf had zero money.
No money for the hotel, no money for food, and no money for activities. So I ended up bankrolling through the whole thing. Normally, I wouldn’t particularly mind if he had told me beforehand, but he lied to me about it and only found out when we got there.
He did eventually pay me back, but it was pulling teeth.
Throughout the convention, Jp and I were pretty much inseparable. We did everything together. Enjoyed the convention, partied with other friends, and had a blast together. We tried to include Mf in everything we did, but Mf wanted to spend most of the time in the room.
The day comes when the convention is ending and we eventually have to leave. Mf wanted to go meet a girl he matched with on a social platform. Cool! Great! I specifically looked him in the eye and told him not to take off for hours.
2 hours and then we had to head home. He agrees. Mf turns his phone off and we can’t get a hold of him. 5 hours later, he finally calls saying he’s picking up his stuff from my car. We waited for this dude for another hour in this empty parking lot.
He shows up finally, barely says anything, and takes off. Jp and I had an absolute fit the whole way home.
Fast forward to now where I have to plan details for the next convention. I reached out to Jp asking if he was on board and we both agreed to exclude Mf from the plans and not invite him.
On one hand, I feel like a jerk for going behind MF’s back and devising a plan to go around him, and on the other, I feel so burned from this past time. I did try to talk to him about it but was met with complete indifference.
While we are still friends, I judge that he doesn’t appreciate any of the work that goes into planning, paying for anything, or considering anyone else who’s in the group. Honestly, I’d rather not risk having to deal with that again. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ I would be completely honest with him if he complains. This is because of his behavior which you don’t want any sort of repeat of. If he wants to come he has to pay for himself and there can be none of the same selfish jerk behavior.
He pays, he joins in, and he is considerate. If he even starts to argue about it tell him *that’s it* he is not invited. He was already on thin ice and he just stamped his foot on it. He is the one risking damaging the friendship by acting like a selfish jerk.
You reacting to that by acting to prevent it from happening again is not you creating trouble. It’s you heading off to trouble. The bottom line is he has to change his attitude if he wants you to include him in things like this. Last time you even paid for him to come and he paid you back with a headache and nonsense.
Why would you want any sort of repeat of that? You wouldn’t improve the friendship by enabling him anyway. You’d just build up more resentment and he would become even more entitled. He needs to learn that this attitude and behavior leads to him being left out and having no favors done for him.” kurokomainu
Another User Comments:
“NTJ mf was really rude last time – he did not respect your time or your money. It also sounds like he was not very into the event if he spent most of the time in his room. He might be a little hurt that you have not invited him but I think you and JP will have a much nicer time without him.
You are not obliged to invite people to events if you do not want to.” cakelin99
Another User Comments:
“I think you are NTJ for not inviting them because you’ve tried talking to them. However, although I understand your irritation both at the time and afterward I suspect not inviting Mf is a friendship ender.
Redditors are generally very happy to recommend divorce and no contact resolution to issues but I’d suggest you take a deep breath and reflect I’d point out that this was the first convention where there was an issue. I’d highlight you have a shared history of going and having a good time.
And, that sometimes even friends can have a bad day or week or year but that doesn’t mean you have to cut them off sometimes it means you should go back and talk to them again and confirm ground rules like: pay your share up front, we leave at x o’clock, bring your own spending money.” Famous_Specialist_44
15. AITJ For Planning My Proposal And Wedding Close To My Friend's Dates?
“I, (28M) am planning on proposing to my partner in the next few weeks.
I am very excited, but just found out not everyone is. 5 months ago, my friend proposed to his fiancé (March of 2024). Right after, he had an engagement party with close family, so me and my friends did not celebrate with him that day. His fiancé and he planned another, larger engagement party at his house for next week.
Coincidentally, my partner’s birthday is the same day, so. I had previously booked a trip for her birthday, during which I plan on proposing (not the same day, and she has told me she would love it if it was on the trip. She knows I’m proposing in the coming months.) I had other ideas to propose, such as in October at more local places, but availability and vision didn’t work out, so I decided to do it on the trip.
Some background too, my friend is getting married on August 8, 2025. My partner and I have kind of started planning a wedding in her home country, and we picked the latest date possible for the “non-rainy season”, which is October 4th. I have somewhat kept my friends in the loop that this was the plan.
Yesterday, my partner texted my friend’s fiancé informing her we wouldn’t be able to make it, and that we wanted to send something from their registry. Fiancé texted back that it was ok and we’d all get together soon, which seemed fine. My friend texted me 10 minutes later asking to talk.
His fiancé is upset I am proposing the week after their engagement party. He didn’t explicitly say she was upset about the wedding dates, but he hinted that she’s also upset the wedding would be close to theirs (August 8th vs October 4th).
I understand not wanting to feel like your day isn’t special, I’m just kind of upset about the situation. We don’t have any mutual friends really, since all the people that will be at their party/wedding are not my friends nor will they be at my wedding.
The only overlap is my friend and his fiancé, and 3 of our close childhood friends. The rest of their 140-something guests are not crossovers, nor are my 45 other guests. Also, I thought their first engagement party was a serious one because it was at a nice restaurant and was expensive, but I probably misunderstood this and shouldn’t have, since they sent the formal invitation for the engagement party next week.
I would never purposefully try to plan my events near my friends’ events, and I tried not to do it here, but due to the pre-planned trip, it seemed to make sense.
Am I the jerk here?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your friend doesn’t get to lay claim to all these dates and dates somewhat near their celebratory dates – the spread of their entitlement is just ridiculous.
You have a trip and a date that is significant to you – for your reason – and it has nothing to do with their event. You are just trying to live your own life. You’ve done nothing wrong, even your possible wedding date is reasonable.
Go, enjoy your trip, and don’t stress out about nonsense. Congratulations to you.” TrainingDearest
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Oh my gosh. When are people going to realize that the world doesn’t revolve around them? The date might be special to them… great for them. But also: it’s not even the same darn day.
What the heck? Does she think weddings two months apart are not enough? What the heck? They get one day. That’s it. Gosh, I can’t stand people like that.” DogsReadingBooks
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Their engagement was about half a year ago so that’s on them for waiting so long to have a public party.
Regarding the wedding, I could see the issue if it was a 1 or 2-week back-to-back, but 2 months is a good enough separation where there should be no issue. Your friend is being unreasonable and acting like everything has to stop for a few months so they feel special.” HolSmGamer
14. AITJ For Confronting My Inappropriate FIL Despite His Cancer Diagnosis?
“My FIL makes me extremely uncomfortable. From the 2nd time I met him he would stand next to me, put his arm around my waist, pull me into him, poke my side when he walked past me, would poke my belly when I was pregnant.
I’m extremely uncomfortable with this and I try to move but I feel very awkward. I don’t want any man but my husband to touch me, ever.
A couple of months ago while taking my baby from my arms his hand slowly brushed across my chest, I was so shocked, we were at a big family reunion, and I’d had a few drinks so I felt like I couldn’t say anything.
I knew he’d just brush it off as an accident.
He doesn’t listen when it comes to my daughter, I’ll say only kiss the top of her head, he keeps going for the face. I asked for only grandparents to visit the hospital, he brought his grandson (18).
He just does whatever he wants, regardless of what we say.
I planned to avoid him as much as possible and it’s been working for the most part but now he’s been diagnosed with cancer and of course, everyone wants to spend more time together now.
I dreaded seeing him, Yesterday he showed up at our house uninvited, my whole body tensed up and I wanted to cry.
My new plan is to pull him aside and tell him that he makes me extremely uncomfortable, I do not like him, and list the reasons why.
Makes it very clear I do not believe the hand grazing my chest was an accident and tell him that if we are to coexist peacefully in this family he is no longer allowed to take my daughter from my arms, I’ll no longer be kissing/hugging him to say hello or goodbye..
and some other boundaries. If he doesn’t comply, he won’t get to see his granddaughter.
Side note: this is very triggering for me, being forced to be around a man who makes me so uncomfortable. It’s bringing up a lot of trauma. I just want to find a way to not come between a family going through a difficult time, and support my husband, while keeping myself safe emotionally, mentally, and physically.
Before anyone asks about my husband, he’s in a very awkward position where he wants to protect me but can’t do anything about me just feeling uncomfortable and I’ve never told him about the chest grazing incident.
So would I be the jerk for calling out a guy with cancer, putting him in his place, and threatening to go no contact with my daughter if he breaks a boundary or does anything inappropriate to me again?”
Another User Comments:
“You need to tell your husband everything. Absolutely everything. Preferably before confronting him. And my suggestion is to confront him with your husband both as a witness and for support. It shows you are unified and that everything is in the open.
But NTJ. And by the way – forget about the cancer. It has nothing to do with anything. It’s not a license to be a jerk or do anything he has done.” Major_Barnacle_2212
Another User Comments:
“NTJ For standing up for yourself and your boundaries.
For protecting your daughter. For considering going no contact. YTJ For giving your husband a pass on not living up to his duties as a husband. Accepting your husband’s lack of meeting his obligation as a parent. For NOT telling your husband about the chest-grazing incident.
Talk to him. I am sure that he is going through a tough time. If you withhold what’s happening with you and his father. You are not being fair to him. Good Luck UPDATEME” Nonwokeboomer
13. AITJ For Confronting My Stepfather About His Lax Parenting?
“I live with my mom and stepfather, as well as my younger brother (4).
I will be keeping my age confidential for the sake of not being taken less seriously, but I am underage.
My younger brother will be five soon, and my mother and stepfather have always been very soft on him, even when he did something serious.
Whenever my sister or I expressed concern about this, they’d always brush it off as us being moody teenagers, and respond with “You’re not the parent.”
Tonight I was lying downstairs in our house, and he ran in trying to spray his friend with the hose.
I told him to not spray it inside, so he dropped it and started to run off, before tripping. I’ll admit, I giggled at the sudden display of immediate karma.
He got angry and started running around the basement spraying things, all my clothes, my device, my school papers, and my sketchbook.
I ran upstairs to grab my parents after quickly putting away everything I could (that being my laptop and phone) and told them what was going on.
They ran downstairs to stop him and told him off. We had a friend over that night, the mother of the friend of my brother’s I mentioned before, and she as well as my stepfather ran downstairs to stop him.
After getting things cleaned up, I sat on the deck with our family friend and talked to her about it.
My stepfather came outside after a few minutes and stopped me to talk. I’ll admit I went off on him a bit. I was calm though, I knew he wouldn’t respond even semi-seriously to anything else.
I explained to him why we’d get upset in situations like these, and how messed up it was for us to worry about him like that, as he often said, we are not his parents, nor are we adults. After a few minutes, it seemed like he was genuinely receptive until I repeated myself and he just told me to shut up.
I went downstairs, a bit annoyed that he once again brushed me off. My mother came down later and said that what he’d told her was that I was ‘lecturing him’ She went off on us, how rude and stupid we were, how messed up it was (her words) that we were commenting on it, how ungrateful we must be.
My sister was the main one to do the talking, as I was a bit scared in all honesty to get reprimanded by the much more emotional and harsh parent. She told my mother that she was being childish, (and she was) and my mother responded by calling her a jerk and storming away.
Now she is claiming to start ‘ tough parenting’ (again, her words) tomorrow. I am a bit confused, as my stepfather initially thanked me for speaking my mind, but now I was being punished for it.
So throughout all of this, was I in the wrong?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – sometimes people don’t like having their failures shoved in their face. It sounds like your mom and stepdad are entirely too lax with your brother but expect everyone else to just accept the consequences of his bad behavior. It must have been embarrassing for them to know another adult witnessed their feral child’s behavior and their lack of proper response to it.
And someone with a fragile ego (like maybe stepdad) couldn’t handle the criticism, then took it out on your mom who is, like your sister said, entirely immature, and took her frustration out on you. Sorry, your mom’s a jerk. Hopefully, you won’t have to wait much longer till you graduate and can get out.
But you did nothing wrong expressing your frustration with a situation that makes your living space unlivable at times. You were not yelling, shouting swearing, or name-calling you simply expressed your feelings. Not sure how that’s a lecture but to someone as fragile as your stepdad sounds perhaps that’s how it felt.” louisianacat1
12. AITJ For Wanting My Partner To Contribute More Financially Instead Of Spending His Tax Return On A Solo Vacation?
“Several months ago my partner moved across the country to live with me after years of maintaining a long-distance relationship. He earns far less than I do, so I recognized that I would need to shoulder the majority of the financial responsibility – house, food, utilities, etc. and that he would contribute what he could.
He already owed me funds from the long distance years and I’ve rarely brought it up. Since living together, household costs have gone up three or four times more than I was paying before – far more than I originally thought we would be spending when he moved here; and I also pay for the majority of the food for both of our dogs, so dog expenses have doubled as well.
It is now to the point that I have wracked up a fair amount of credit card debt to compensate for the additional costs, of which he is aware. He consumes a lot more electricity (leaves lights on, etc.) and eats at least three times as much as I do, to the point that when I go to make breakfast or lunch, the food is gone and I have to dine out or pick up even more groceries.
He always seems to have funds for booze and fast food when he’s on his way home from his part-time job but is unable to commit to a monthly amount to contribute to bills, etc. When I have brought up the idea of a regular monthly household contribution, or cost-cutting measures such as turning out the lights when not in a room or leaving me half of whatever food may be in the fridge rather than finishing it all off (leftovers, for example), he gets upset and it almost always results in some sort of argument.
So here’s the thing – he has recently discovered that he is going to be getting a considerable tax return and has started to plan to use the funds on a vacation for himself, without me. While I recognize that he should be able to treat himself to something fun or nice, I also feel that he should be at least offering to pay me back for a portion of the debt I’ve incurred these past few months.
However, he hasn’t offered to do so and doesn’t seem to understand why I don’t like the idea of him choosing to blow the majority of his tax refund on a trip when our household costs are so high and he is in debt (both to me and others).
AITJ for wanting him to contribute more to our household rather than blow his funds right away on a trip for just himself?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Sounds like you’ve got an ungrateful mooch. It’s entirely reasonable to expect that your respective shares of the household budget should be a ratio of your incomes, but he’s not willing to even commit to a consistent amount each month!
He has plenty of funds for his wants, but none for your needs. A relationship where one person’s wants take priority over the other person’s needs is unbalanced and unhealthy.” KaliTheBlaze
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, he should give his part on it, if that continues you will go broke in no time.
Tell him to pay for his part, he even has some plans for himself alone so you should also start planning on what to do with your debt, so the best choice is to get him to pay for some of it when his funds arrive.
If he refuses to then live on your own, that then he might realize things.” thefemaleboss_
Another User Comments:
“NTJ seems like your partner is just leeching off of you and intentionally using you for your funds. It is entirely reasonable to expect your partner to contribute financially but in this case, it seems he doesn‘t even care about you or what you sacrifice for him (financially).
An honest partner would try to repay you in any way they could even when they are under a financial strain for a while” loumie23
11. AITJ For Wanting To Stop Further Edits For A Difficult Bride?
“I’ve been a wedding photographer for 7 years, managing it part-time alongside a full-time job. My clients have generally been fantastic, but my recent experience was quite challenging.
In fall 2023, a mutual friend connected me with a bride and groom who had a $600 budget. Despite my lowest package being $1750, I offered them a significant discount (against my better judgment) understanding the financial pressures.
The bride sent a $300 deposit, and I provided the contract and questionnaire on November 27. By April 19, I’d received only the questionnaire back.
On the wedding day, the bride was immediately confrontational, loudly arguing with her wedding party and the videographers. I managed to get through the day despite the tension, but things took a turn when I went to get the couple’s dogs for photos.
They had already left for the next location.
I arrived at the new location at the same time as the couple, but the bride screamed at me for missing photos of her leaving the parking lot—a detail I hadn’t been informed about. I was so shaken that I had to step away.
The bridal party later apologized for her behavior.
It started raining, and I used my umbrella to ensure I could get photos of the couple. I reminded the couple to ensure umbrellas were packed the day before the wedding. They forgot.
I stayed 2.5 extra hours beyond the 6-hour contract to capture all key moments for free, even though the bride had already been unkind to me, the DJ, the videographers, etc.
The following day, I reached out to offer additional photos missed due to the rain, but received no response. On August 13, seven weeks after the wedding (per my contract), the bride inquired about the photos. I informed her they were ready but would be sent once the contract was signed. She signed the contract on August 16, and I promptly sent 358 photos.
The bride then complained about 75 black-and-white photos (many of which had a color option included) saying they made her sad and reminded her of a funeral. Despite my contract stating that editing is at my discretion, I added 25 more color photos. They were still unhappy and insisted on all photos in color.
Her husband called, mentioning family health issues and offering more money, but I declined, saying it wasn’t about money anymore.
The bride continued calling late at night.
I feel I’ve done more than enough to meet their expectations and am unsure if I should continue making changes or consider the matter closed.
Given that it’s peak wedding season and my other clients have been respectful, am I wrong for wanting to end further edits?
More details can be provided should readers wish. Thank you.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, I’m not even sure how you could think you’d done anything wrong.
You essentially worked for $75 an hour, not including edit time. I paid $2800 for 6 hours of photos for my wedding two years ago. I’d send a nice note that just says “Per our contract, which was offered at a heavily discounted rate, I will not be providing any more edits.
I hope you have a wonderful and long-lasting marriage.” Aur3lia
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, my daughter is a photographer who does weddings in the US and Europe and her fee is not cheap. The number of acquaintances and long lost family that ask for free or heavily discounted services for themselves or their randos is off the chain.” Ellamatilla
10. AITJ For Not Planning Extra Visits With My In-Laws And Preferring My Parents' Assistance With My Newborn?
“So my daughter was born a few months ago and I feel like everything about fairness started when I only had my husband and my parents in the room for my delivery (my dad left before I gave birth via induction).
Since then we have seen both my parents and in-laws at least once a week. My husband and I both work for my family’s business and he works super late on Sundays so I stay with my parents (they have a nursery guest room with everything we could need in it) that way I’m not stuck alone with my newborn for 12+ hours.
So I can have time to eat, shower, or just sit down and relax. My mom is naturally good with babies and she is so calm when my mom holds her to help me. We spend the night and my husband comes over to sleep when he gets off work and the next day we go home when he wakes up.
We see my in-laws any random day through the week usually for at least 2 hours a visit.
I know it’s not as long as staying the night with my parents and sisters but I wouldn’t feel comfortable staying the night and day at their house alone.
My husband and I can tell it’s making my mil annoyed, but I make all the plans with my side of the family and my husband never plans anything and I feel he’s expecting me to plan things for his side too. I don’t have much motivation to plan anything since anytime we do see his parents my husband goes off with his dad and my mil keeps the baby the whole time (the baby screams the entire time) and she doesn’t want to give her back, even when the baby is giving hunger queues she keeps her.
I feel uncomfortable asking to see my baby when we are around them because Mil has made it clear she’s upset with me and doesn’t feel she gets to see the baby enough.
It’s been causing a lot of fights between my husband and me, and I don’t want to argue with him.
He says he sees both sides but doesn’t think his mom has a right to be mad about anything. I think his mom being so upset about it is stressing him out. I don’t feel like I’m keeping the baby from her, considering we see Mil every week.
I just don’t plan anything extra. But it’s honestly already not a good time for the baby or me when we go over there every week. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“DH needs to not wander off with his Dad when you visit in-laws.
DH needs to stay and tell his mom to hand LO back to you when the baby is crying. That lets you off the hook for making MIL feel bad for requesting the baby back to Mom. If DH is not capable of staying with MIL explain you will not let MIL hold a crying baby and that you are not going to spare his mom’s feelings.
Honestly, MIL is already angry she is not getting equal access to the baby so what difference does it make if you take your crying child? MIL is already mad, at least your baby will be happy. My child’s happiness and safety always was more important than how anyone else felt.
Protect your child.” Slightlysanemomof5
Another User Comments:
“NTJ at all! Your MIL is being petty and immature access to the baby is not a contest. However, since you don’t feel comfortable alone with MIL, it would be very generous of you to invite MIL to join your family on a Sunday evening….if you want.
Since your husband is choosing to nope out of this situation instead of handling his mother, it’s up to you. It sounds like MIL is going to be upset no matter what you do, so do what’s best for you and the baby and ignore the consequences.
Good luck.” Due-Signature-3311
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your husband should be responsible for ensuring his side of the family gets time with the baby. If that means having them over for dinner an extra evening or something then he should plan for that. You’re not his assistant.
Let him know that when you go to his mom’s he needs to stay nearby and assist with turning the baby back over to you when needed as she isn’t taking the hint at time and the baby is fretting. If he doesn’t want to then have his parents come to your house and then you can just invite them to leave if they’re too overbearing.” TheBougie_Bohemian18
9. AITJ For Not Wanting To Attend My Grandmother's Funeral In Nigeria On My 16th Birthday?
“I (15f) am having my 16th birthday in seven months, as soon as I turned 15 I started talking about it. I’ve always wanted a big birthday party and have never had one. However, my parents have agreed that this one can be a big one since sixteen is a very big thing in America.
My parents are both immigrants and is not a significant part of their culture like in the US.
Unfortunately, my grandma (79f) passed away two weeks ago, in her home country Nigeria. My mom (47) did not have a great relationship with her mother, and putting into words things she has told me about her family she was emotionally neglected by both parents and was a “black sheep”.
The last time she spoke to my grandmother, about something other than my grandmother asking for money was years ago. My extended family has all rallied together to make funeral arrangements, it is traditional for the oldest child to plan the funeral, hence my uncle planning the funeral on my birthday.
However that’s not all, the funeral is planned for the week of my birthday and the following week. When I was informed, I was disappointed as I have been looking forward to this birthday since I was younger.
However in my dad’s words “My birthday is not important.
This (funeral) is important”. One solution offered to me was staying with my dad’s partner while they both traveled abroad. The catch is that my mom is not okay with that and is pushing me to join her. She has acknowledged that it’s dangerous for me to go to Nigeria, but that I have to do, what I have to do.
My mom has also mentioned that my aunt (61) also has her birthday the week after mine, the day before the funeral festivities end. I’ve talked to friends and got mixed reactions some saying I can celebrate on a different day, and some agreeing it’s not fair.
To give the most amount of context I recently had a big surgery, (three months ago) and I’m still recovering, but with this surge had less than a 1% chance of survival. My doctors were so shocked, that I’ve already had three reach out for the use of my story, interviews, and medical papers recording this ‘phenomenon’ as I’m the youngest person with my underlying conditions to go through this surgery.
Hence why celebrating my birthday on the day I was born, with people I love, in the place where I was born is so important to me. I think my parents didn’t realize they could be burying two people instead of one.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“The bigger issue here is that they’re pushing you to go to Nigeria when that is dangerous for you. You need to investigate whether you have legal options to protect yourself from being forced to go to Nigeria against your will, given the health risks.
Also, is FGM a risk for you if you go to Nigeria? Is there any possibility your parents are trying to take you there specifically for that purpose? If so, you may have special protections under federal law as well as the law of your state.
I’m not sure whether you’re the jerk if you are willing to go but fight to get your uncle to change the date. But I am sure YWNBTA for refusing to go to Nigeria regardless of the date or for seeking every legal recourse to protect yourself from being put at risk of death or, if applicable, FGM.” philautos
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. I am not Nigerian but I have spent over a year there. As you no doubt know, funerals are a really big deal throughout the country/different ethnic groups. They are far more important than they are in the US – while in Nigeria, I attended funerals that lasted multiple days.
Meanwhile, birthdays are not as big of a deal in Nigeria compared to the US – rich people will put on big parties for significant years (like 50), but kids’ birthdays tend to be more chill. Your family in Nigeria isn’t going to understand the significance of you turning 16.
It makes sense you are disappointed, but there is nothing your mom can do here – regardless of her relationship with her mom, she wants to maintain a relationship with her siblings/broader family, so it will be very important that she goes to this funeral. As for what you should do – well, certainly your health comes first. But assuming you are recovered and healthy in seven months, I would encourage you to go.
The dangers of Nigeria are greatly exaggerated. But I’d make sure your tickets are refundable or don’t buy them unless you’re fully recovered. Perhaps you could make your 17th birthday a big deal?” 2ndgenerationcatlady
8. AITJ For Making My Husband Cancel His Work Trip For My Medical Appointment?
“Husband’s a pilot (42), I work from home (43), married for 12 years with two kids. I’ve been coughing for 4 months now- and have been through a barrage of doctors and exams including X-rays and chest CTs and the thing where they put a scope up your nose, the final one is in a month for an endoscopy to see if there’s an issue in the esophagus.
One of the possibilities (though uncommon) is cancer. I do have GERD and have been on 80mg of omeprazole for about 6 weeks but it hasn’t eliminated the coughing.
Husband works full time with an “on-demand schedule” so is often gone (for instance he’s gone for two weeks now), and is usually home for less than 10 days in a month, in addition to that, he also takes contract trips to make extra money to fund an airplane that he purchased (about 150k), he does between 1-4 trips a month for that.
I’m not sure that it matters because I support him having his hobbies- but I don’t love to fly- and the plane he has is cost-prohibitive to take for fun. Meaning it’s more convenient but it’s much more expensive to fly somewhere in it than to drive or fly commercially.
Just mentioned that because the plane he pays for isn’t a family purchase. Its benefits are really for my husband.
I asked my husband if he could take off for the date of my endoscopy, and he said yes. Then a week later, I noticed that he had a contract trip planned (which is an “on the side” job- that money goes towards the plane he purchased) on the day of my appointment and checked in with him.
He’s upset with me for not checking the schedule when I booked it (this was a cancellation I squeezed into- the next normal opening is in an additional 3 months since my cough is 4 months old – I’m very excited for answers and treatment- whatever it might be.)
He said that the trip is worth 4k to him (each day trip is 1k, and he frequently books these- 1-4 a month), and he’s not canceling it.
Because the only appointment available is for 6 am, and I’d need to leave at 5 am, I’d need to book a babysitter for 5 am to get our kids to school and find a friend to bring to an appointment at 5 am (they’ll need to take off of work to do that).
For clarity- the money for the trip during the appointment goes directly to his airplane hobby- not the budget and doesn’t benefit the family in any way.
From my perspective- he has to cancel the trip, or find a replacement pilot, and take me to my appointment.
From his perspective- I’m overreacting and it’s up to me to figure out my appointment.
Am I the jerk for making him cancel?”
Another User Comments:
“He blames you for not double-checking the schedule he agreed to? That’s huge. You are not overreacting.
If you do have cancer or another serious condition, this likely indicates how he would be through that challenging experience and the countless appointments you would have. I feel for you. This does not bode well for the future. Take care of yourself as well as you can!” Short-Sleeves
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Don’t make him cancel his trip because he will be stroppy and therefore no comfort or support for you; you’ll just end up being stressed *and* upset. I would rather take a friend or family member instead. But lo, I am petty AF and the next time I wanted to go somewhere/do something over his objections, I’d tell him that I don’t see why I should prioritize him more than he prioritizes me. ” VisionAri_VA
7. AITJ For Calling My Dad Names After He Yelled At Me For Being Nauseous?
“Yesterday my parents (65 yo) and sister (25 yo) picked me (18 yo) up from my job. Something to know about me is that I tend to get car sick, and it gets worse if there are really loud noises.
Something to know about my dad is that he talks very loud, especially when he’s on the phone. I was already feeling a bit nauseous when he started a call with my grandmother, and my mom kept showing me images of things she wanted to buy online.
The nausea was starting to get bad and I was getting overwhelmed by the noise, so I told my mom I couldn’t keep looking at the images because I was feeling nauseous.
My dad ended his call and asked what the commotion was about (my mom tends to overreact to things and was passing a bag back like I was gonna barf that moment), and when my mom and sister told him I was feeling nauseous partly because of how loud he was, he shook his head and started mumbling angrily.
This irritated me because like no it’s not conventional but I didn’t feel well. He knows this is a thing and my sister even agrees that his loudness makes her feel unwell too.
Some amount of time passed when my dad was talking with Mom.
I still didn’t feel well but was getting better when I let out a burp. My mom raised her voice and asked him to lower his voice because it was going to “make her throw up”. I never said this, I had no issue with him talking and was about to express this when he started yelling at me, asking if his talking was gonna make me throw up and how ridiculous it was.
I was already irritated and said it was ridiculous to get mad at me for something I didn’t even say. He continued to get on my case, I repeated that I wasn’t even the one to say anything about his volume and then called him a jerk.
He blew a fuse and started calling me a jerk and a mean person and that I should never speak to him that way. I know that since he is my father I shouldn’t call him a jerk, I recognize this and know that I was wrong here, but it’s so frustrating living in a house where I can’t feel ill without being chastised for it.
That being said he has been going through a hard time these last few months (we’ve lost a lot of close friends/family recently) and I’m starting to think I should have just kept it in. Neither my mom nor sister are on my side, and I’m starting to doubt myself.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“No, you shouldn’t have called him a jerk. Even more no he shouldn’t have called you a jerk and a mean person. I don’t care what he’s going through, using that language to you was completely wrong.
Your family needs to start respecting each other. Have you tried sitting in the front seat? Sometimes that can help with motion sickness. Of course that’d put you right next to your dad where it’s loudest, so maybe not. There are wristbands that’ll help with motion sickness too.” Global_Look2821
6. AITJ For Leaving My Rude Younger Sister At School After She Refused To Go With Me?
“I (17f) just started my senior year of high school. My sister (14f) started her freshman year at the same school, and since I have my license, I drive her to and from school pretty much every day.
My sister and I aren’t close since we’re very, very different people. Having to drive her has been miserable. She’s usually a few minutes late getting into the car in the morning. Once we get to school, she complains about having to walk alone to the main building and doesn’t want to get out of my car because she wants to wait for her friends.
Getting home after school is grating. She either takes forever to get to my car (up to 20 minutes late) or gets there before me and spam texts/calls me to hurry up.
Today, my friends and I were hanging out and chatting for a bit longer than usual after school, and I expected a bunch of texts telling me to get to my car but didn’t get any, so I assumed she was getting picked up by someone else and had already left. But when my friends and I started walking to the senior parking lot where I was parked, I passed her and a few of her freshman friends in the hallway going the opposite direction of the senior lot.
I said something along the lines of “Hey, come to senior, we’re leaving now.” She responds with “Do I look like I’m going to senior?” in a rude voice. I genuinely thought I’d misheard her and got confused, so I asked if I was supposed to be driving her home.
She said “Are you driving me? Are we in a car right now?” in the same voice. She wasn’t joking. All her friends were giggling when she walked away and ignored me when I was like hey what?? Because I was so taken aback by how extremely rude she was for no reason.
My friends who were with me were equally shocked. I was so annoyed, between that and a cumulation of the smaller stuff from the past two weeks, that I just got in my car and left her at school. I was halfway home when she texted me, not apologizing or saying she had another ride home.
She rudely asked me if I could move my car to the front of the school to pick her up because she didn’t want to walk to the senior lot.
I didn’t feel bad anymore once I read that and ignored her call when she realized I had left. Once I got home, I told my mom what had happened and she immediately called my sister and chewed her out before going to pick her up.
My school is only about a mile away from my house, but traffic backs up so badly after schools let out that it can take more than 20 minutes for me to get home, so my mom was annoyed that she had to get her. My parents said they’d talk to her and “set expectations” for her.
So, am I the jerk? I understand that she’s in the weird young teen phase and probably gets annoyed at me having to drive her too, but I feel like she’s been unreasonably rude for the past few weeks and the incident today annoyed me.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ- parents should have made her walk or take public transit home. I’d set expectations of if you are not in the car at the set time then you walk. If I am not at the car after school don’t spam text me just let me know you are waiting.
Then you can reply with an eta. If you pay for the gas and the insurance then you have to say, if parents pay these things then you listen to parents’ expectations.” nutty_cake
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I was in the same situation back in my senior year of high school.
My sister was a year older than yours, but she often pulled the same kind of stuff. One day she was super rude (don’t remember exactly what she said, but it was bad, and she was making me late for work *again*). I left her at the school, too, only my mom chewed ME out instead of my sister and made me turn back around to go get her.
(Sister was a constant bully; she was diagnosed with borderline personality disorder years later; everyone in the family was expected to “not rock the boat” for her.) You’re lucky your mom has your back! Hope your sister has learned her lesson.” BlueBumbleb33
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Time for a family meeting. Set rules, boundaries, and agreed-upon consequences. Be on time in the morning. If not in the car by X time, you get left behind. Get out of the car after it’s parked at school. No sitting in the car waiting.
The car needs to be locked. OP, you’re the driver. You’re responsible for locking the car. Establish a window of time between after school and when you’ll leave. If you’re not there by X time, I’m leaving without you. We meet at the car where it’s parked. If there’s an emergency or unforeseen delay because of school business, communicate immediately.
If you don’t communicate with me respectfully, and you’re not at the car, I’m leaving without you. Lay it all out so everybody is on the same page.” Babziellia
5. AITJ For Leaving My Job Immediately After A Rude Interaction With HR?
“So I (24f) had already handed in my notice over a week ago but hadn’t heard anything back.
Yesterday I sent an email to our department’s HR rep, asking if she knew when my last day would be/when I should return my equipment.
Today I saw her out of the office was on, so in general conversation, I queried the Assistant manager if she knew. The assistant manager went and asked HR on my behalf without my presence.
She then called me back and said that I could choose whatever day provided I gave them a certain amount of notice so they could calculate my final pay.
She said that I was to email the HR main department email to query this. So I took her advice and did that.
A few moments later I was invited to a meeting with the HR representative (60f) who was displayed as out of the office.
I joined this meeting, expecting a short, informative discussion, but instead was faced with a berating on how stressed she is and how I am ‘selfish’ for asking this question only 9 days after my resignation was put in.
When I asked her what was wrong with what I asked, she shouted at me, saying ‘Shut up, I am talking, you are listening’.
I then asked her who her manager was as I no longer wish to deal with someone who sees that kind of behavior to be professional. She then proceeded to say ‘Are you really that stupid? You KNOW who my manager is. The thing is, I didn’t know.
So I then raised a formal grievance against this HR rep. I couldn’t deal with this through my manager due to 2 reasons.
1 being that my line manager is on leave and the other being that she is best friends with this HR rep.
I have devoted 4 years to this company which has not been the easiest for me.
I had major surgery which was meant to be a 12-week recovery policy, except I went back after the second week against my doctor’s advice because I wanted to ensure the company wouldn’t be overwhelmed.
When I nursed my grandfather for 3 days as he passed away even when I had gained prior permission to do this when the time came back when he first got diagnosed with terminal cancer, I got a call from my line manager to tell me that I was unreliable for the fact I had taken these three days to nurse the man who was like my father, as he died.
After this call with the HR rep, I then sent a short message to the assistant manager and stated that I would no longer be working for this company and that my notice period was now null and void.
I also sent a formal letter of complaint to this HR rep’s boss (I found her through our system in the end).
I will not be logging back on and devoting any more of my time to a company like this.
Am I the jerk for clocking out?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ…this is a common problem.HR departments are rarely professional. And often crooked…..my sister was having mental health problems several years ago and went to.HR with her psychiatrist’s note stating he was putting her on rest for one week and she couldn’t work.
The HR manager told my sister’s personal health information to my sister’s supervisor ( they were buddies also) by the time my sister returned to work the entire office knew all about her personal information including the meds she was taking !! You owe them nothing.! By the way my sister sued the company for breach of the privacy act and she won two hundred thousand dollars!” Global-Fact7752
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Sometimes you just need to leave. Had sort of a similar situation recently. Was told that it was policy for tips to be shared with everyone, that would be fine if I wasn’t the only one receiving tips and additionally the only one doing the work.
Gave my notice over that policy and then lost it on a coworker who was being disrespectful since I pad her paycheck. When I informed the manager that she needed to deal with problem behavior she dismissed my complaint and then said I was reacting aggressively.
She took me to talk to another manager and tried telling her some other BS. I had enough and clocked out. Good riddance to all of it.” Hoodbarmaid
4. AITJ For Refusing To Host Thanksgiving This Year After A Decade Of Doing So?
“I’m 40F, and I have six sisters. My two older sisters are 44 and 47, and my four younger sisters are 38, 36, 34, and 32.
We’ve always been a close-knit family, and for the past decade, I’ve taken on the responsibility of hosting Thanksgiving at my house. I enjoy having everyone over, but it’s a lot of work, especially since we all have at least 2 kids each (all in the age group 5-15).
It’s chaos, but joyful chaos. My husband helps out, but the majority of the planning, cooking, and organizing falls on me.
This year, I decided I needed a break. Life has been hectic, and I’m feeling burnt out. Between work, taking care of my kids(10,11M), and other responsibilities, I’m just not up for the task of hosting a big family gathering.
So, I suggested that one of my sisters take over hosting Thanksgiving this year.
I brought this up in our family group chat, thinking it would be a reasonable request and it’s plenty ahead of time. However, my two older sisters, Sarah (47) and Emily (44), were not happy with the idea.
Sarah has a busy job and a smaller house, so she feels she can’t accommodate everyone comfortably. Emily argued that she’s been dealing with a lot of stress lately and doesn’t have the energy to host. They both suggested that since I’ve been doing it for so long, I should just keep the tradition going, especially since my house is the most spacious and I’m the one who “knows how to do it right.”
My younger sisters were more understanding, but they also hesitated to take on the responsibility. My sister Jessica (38) said she would be willing to help out more with the preparations if I hosted, but she wasn’t confident about hosting the entire event herself. The other younger sisters offered similar compromises, but no one was willing to take on the full load.
After some back and forth, I stood firm and said I needed someone else to host this year. I suggested we could even make it a potluck to ease the burden, but Sarah and Emily were still upset. They accused me of being selfish and abandoning a family tradition that I’ve upheld for years.
They argued that I’m the one with the most experience and that Thanksgiving just wouldn’t be the same if I didn’t host. Now, there’s tension in the family, with my older sisters feeling like I’m letting them down.
I feel like I’ve done my fair share over the years, and it’s not unreasonable to ask for a break.
But at the same time, I understand that my older sisters are also under a lot of pressure and that hosting Thanksgiving is a big deal for our family.
So, AITJ for refusing to host Thanksgiving this year after doing it for the past decade?”
Another User Comments:
“Oof, they have nerve. No. Of course, you’re NTJ. You’ve been doing the lion’s share and want a break? How dare you! And your sister using the excuse that she’s stressed? Guess what? Welcome to adulthood. We’re all stressed here.
You may consider mentioning once more the possibility of a potluck at someone else’s house, and maybe even offer your guidance for whomever decides to take on the task. But that would be it. You’ve done more than enough.” LaurelCrash
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. My family is larger than yours. My oldest sister hosts because she has the space AND is willing to do it. Potluck, everyone tends to bring the same thing each year. After eating, the men, including nephews do the dishes. Same thing at Christmas with a different host. We always bring food to family gatherings no matter the occasion.
My kid’s birthday party and my siblings are bringing food. It makes hosting so much easier.” ptfancollector
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It’s a lot of work for a 30-minute meal. My family does a potluck and hosts the larger home for the large family.
Everyone now has an active role in preparation and cleanup. Like my FIL who sits on his duff does. It’s either he helps or he isn’t invited. He can’t cook at all – he brings half a case of wine and helps clear and loads the dishwasher.
Even a 75-year-old “traditional” man can learn new tricks upon threat of no Thanksgiving leftovers” Notdoingitanymore.
3. AITJ For Giving Extra Attention To My Husband's Niece Who Needs It?
“I (32F) am married to “Todd” (35M). He comes from a large family with a lot of nieces and nephews.
Family gatherings took some getting used to as I’m an only child of two children, but it’s fun. Todd and I don’t want to have our kids so we’re the cool aunt and uncle. We also have pretty successful careers and make way, way more between the two of us than anyone else in the family so we try to spoil the kids a little at birthdays and Christmas.
One of the nieces “Ashley” (13F) has a more difficult situation than the others. Ashley’s mom got pregnant right out of high school and the father bailed. Her stepdad does a decent job and I think he does try to treat her like her siblings, but it’s clear that Ashley knows she’s different and has feelings about it.
Her mom has 2 other kids under 4 right now there’s not a lot of spare attention or money in the house.
When the younger kids were born and I could see that Ashley was having trouble with it, Todd and I started offering to have her over at our place more so that her mom could focus on the babies and Ashley could have a break.
Her mom has always been grateful for the help. I occasionally send her back with a new outfit books or a souvenir I bought her on a work trip. The extra attention has helped her settle down and she’s doing better in school and seems to be coping with her siblings.
I guess it didn’t occur to me or Todd that the rest of the family didn’t know we were doing all that and it came to a head right before school started. I was going to go to the beach for a few days while Todd was traveling for work and I invited Ashley to come with me for a “girls trip”.
She rarely gets to travel and her parents were happy for her to have the opportunity, so we had a blast. I had sent her mom a lot of pictures and she posted some in the family group chat. Some of the other kids saw them and were hurt that they didn’t get invited to go and the parents were kind of mad.
Todd explained to them individually that we feel like Ashley kind of needs the extra attention but his siblings are now mad that we’re playing favorites and kinda mad at Ashley’s mom for accepting so much from us. His parents said that they know we’re trying to be nice, but we shouldn’t do more for Ashley than the rest of the family because it stirs up a lot of bad feelings and jealousy.”
Another User Comments:
“Nuh uh hun you are NTJ. Sure you have money to spare but it’s your decision how to spend it and if it’s on only one niece. That’s ok. Because it’s not like you completely neglect the other kids? They get their Christmas gifts and stuff right,t?
Your husband’s family needs to be more understanding in my opinion especially the adults cause the kids I understand but are adults saying you are showing favoritism? Come on man. It’s not like you are trying to stir up resentment and jealousy because the rest of the family didn’t even know.
I think your family needs to understand that you would’ve done it for any of the other nieces/nephews if they were in the same position and laid off.” tapsisdumb
Another User Comments:
“Well, I sure hope you’ve learned your lesson…. about posting things to the group chat.
NTJ. Parents and grandparents should treat kids without favoritism. You are not a parent or grandparent here. The thing is, the extra attention you’re giving Ashley is because she needs it right now. Maybe 5 years from now, it will be another kid who needs it, or you’ll form individual bonds with your other N&Ns in different ways–that is if the adults in your family don’t ruin it first.” JeepersCreepers74
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You stepped in and did the right thing. Do the siblings take their kids on vacations? As it stands right now, you’re doing a lot towards keeping Ashley on an even keel and making her feel special. I’ll bet she never felt like that around the other kids.
This is finally about her, and now everyone wants to take that away. Everyone else seems to have a pretty stable home except for her, which also may have made her stand out in school except for your help with clothes and things the other kids take for granted. I hope you keep being there for her.
Just get all the kids together for a fun day somewhere. Beware entitled ones!!!” Less_Ordinary_8516
2. AITJ For Calling My Best Friend A Lazy Parent?
“So me and my best friend (both F 24) have been BFFs since we were 10. We were fortunate to have our little girls so close in age, or so I thought.
Let’s call my BFF Stacy.
Stacy’s daughter is 16 months older than my daughter and there’s a huge difference in how we parent. I try not to be judgmental, but when it starts to affect my kid, I can’t help it. For example, my daughter is 14 months old and has little to no screen time.
Occasionally she’ll watch an episode of something low-stim but that just started about 2 months ago. Stacy’s daughter, however, has had an iPad in her face playing Coco Melon & Mickey Mouse since she was 4 months old (I wish I was kidding). But, whatever, that’s her parenting choice.
My issue is, why does she need it while she’s supposed to be having a playdate with my daughter? Or why does she need it while we’re at the park? Or in a store? Or at a restaurant? Or at the aquarium??
The other day we were at a restaurant and the babies were next to each other in high chairs.
Stacy’s daughter had a phone playing a show loudly and naturally, my daughter was intrigued. But Stacy’s daughter got angry when my daughter started grabbing at the phone and she hit my baby right in the face. I took the phone away and said “Well we don’t need this right now anyway” and Stacy’s daughter started having a fit.
Her solution to that was to give her the phone right back, and she also didn’t correct her behavior at all after she slapped my baby in the face.
I let it go and a few days later (yesterday) we were playing at her house.
My daughter was playing with a toy while Stacy’s daughter was watching a show on her iPad. Suddenly she walks over to my daughter yanks the toy from her and pushes her down and my daughter hits her head. Stacy did absolutely nothing but say “I guess she wanted her toy” with no correction of behavior.
No teaching her to apologize. I did call her out for this and she said “She’s just a baby she doesn’t know any better” to which I replied “And who do you think is supposed to teach her better.” Then, she just ignored me so I grabbed my daughter and our stuff and said “I’m leaving because I can’t deal with the lazy parenting anymore” and I left.
There have been many other similar situations to these two that always end with my daughter getting hurt and I’m just not feeling the play dates anymore. Even though my daughter is only 1, I always correct her behavior when she does something unsafe, especially to another child.
So, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. The constant stimulation from the iPad is one thing; the failing to correct her child harming, and stealing from, yours is quite another. Your comment seems to be in response to her response to her child’s response to not having the toy your daughter was holding.
That was an appropriate response to give to her for how she handled that. Not planning to have any more playdates for a while is an acceptable solution, and probably the best one.” Surosnao
Another User Comments:
“YTJ- Just because you don’t like her parenting style doesn’t give you the right to call her “lazy parenting”.
You insulted her instead of talking to her before things got out of control. Do you know how many women have postpartum depression? Do you realize how many suffer in silence? Do you know how many people have no idea how to interact with a baby?
Do you know how many people don’t know how to correct a baby? Yes, she may be lazy. There are also other explanations. Try having a conversation.” Appropriate_Art_3863
1. AITJ For Wanting To Choose My Own Concert Seat Instead Of Sitting With My Sister?
“I (19F) have two younger sisters (17F) and (14F). Recently over the past few weeks, I have been interested in a group of artists’ music but I’ve only recently found out that they are having a concert in my area later this year and became interested in going.
These tickets had already been out for a few months and I had only decided to go about 2 or 3 days ago. I would like to preface and say that these tickets are not cheap. The majority of the more reasonable seating is around $250-300 with the more expensive ones being closer to $400.
(Not American $250=$170 USD)
I offhandedly mentioned to my middle sister that I was interested in going to this concert when she told me that she and her friend along with her friend’s mum had also bought tickets to this concert a few months ago. They’re not in a bad spot but I have found a few better single seats that have a slightly better view for around the same price in a different section.
While I was doing all this my youngest sister mentioned that she would also like to go. The only problem is that the seat that I want to get doesn’t have one next to it and my middle sister also doesn’t have an available one next to her.
My parents asked if I could choose a seat further back in my middle sister’s section (as there isn’t any double seating in the section I’m looking at) so that she can come with me (I’m not expected to pay for her ticket).
This is where I may be the jerk.
I don’t want to pick one of those seats. This is my own money that I’m spending and it’s a lot of money. I don’t want to spend around the same amount for a worse view further back. My parents and my younger sister however see this as me purposely excluding her and bullying her just because I don’t want to spend time with her.
My decision has nothing to do with her.
Some additional information that might be relevant. All three of us are going to see a different artist next year together which we all booked together. My parents won’t allow my sister to go on her own (very understandable).
My parents themselves don’t want to go and spend that much money on artists they don’t know so won’t take her themselves. Also, both sections are in the stands on the same level which are slanted.
This has all happened over the past 2 days and we’ve already talked about it a few times but they still disagree with me.
I haven’t bought my ticket yet but I do plan to do so within the next day or so.”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here in my opinion. Your parents’ perspective makes sense, your sister is not going to go most likely if you don’t get a seat with her.
That said, your desire for a better seat is perfectly fine given that you are the one buying your ticket. You shouldn’t be forced to sacrifice that experience. I don’t think you have to go with your sister, but I think it wouldn’t be a bad thing to do.
Ultimately your decision, but would you have as much fun by yourself versus sharing the experience with her? My concert experience has been more fun with someone else than by myself, but if you feel differently then by all means go ahead with the seat you want.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ The only concession I would make is accepting the worse seats if your parents pay for them.. but that’s not going to happen because they could pay for their ticket to accompany your youngest sister. I would either get the ticket you want and go to the concert on your own and don’t tell them (you could say you decided not to go) or just give this one a miss as much as you probably don’t want to.
Maybe it might be worth going to the next concert even if you need to travel. But don’t tell your sister your plans if you do, do this. You have only said that you were interested in going, not that you were going. You could say that you decided that it was too expensive for you at this time.
Who is paying for your youngest sister to go?” KitchenDismal9258
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. A slightly better view at a concert that you didn’t even care that much about till recently is more important to you than your flesh and blood. I hope when you need your sister to do something for you, maybe when you’re older and need her help, she treats you with the same consideration you have for her.” PigletTechnical9336
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Though TBH she should get a mild warning from her manager over this, it is NOT acceptable or professional.
Have a chat with her. She doesn't need to know details, and you should probably not go in with cannons firing the first time as she was probably thoughtless rather than malicious, but you do need to make it clear to her that if there is any more of it, you will report her and there may be legal action aswell.