People Imagine The Worst In These 'Am I The Jerk?' Stories
19. AITJ For Wanting My Son To Settle For DO Schools Instead Of MD?
“My son got his bachelor’s in biology last year, and since then he’s been applying to medical schools. He applied last year and got rejected, and is applying again. From what he’s told me, it wasn’t an issue with his grades, but just that getting accepted to med schools is a crap shoot.
He said he has “a 515 MCAT and a 3.7 GPA”. To be honest, I have no idea if that’s good or bad.
Anyway, I’ve been talking about his plans about what happens if he doesn’t get in this year. He mentioned that there’s an entire group of schools that he hasn’t applied to, that he might apply to next year as a backup if he doesn’t get in!
They’re called “D.O. schools”. There are multiple degrees that doctors can get, and the MD is better than the DO. He didn’t apply to DO last year and isn’t going to apply to DO this year even though there’s still time.
I asked him what was wrong with DO schools. He said that he wanted to do surgery and that DOs couldn’t become surgeons. He said that doing non-surgical careers wasn’t as interesting and that they paid less. First off, I don’t know who he’s trying to fool, but I know for a fact he has wanted to be a psychiatrist since he was in middle school.
According to him, that’s a career that DOs can do. Second, I asked him how much money non-surgeons make. He said they make around $250,000 – $400,000! I was a single mom when I was 18 years old. We survived off my $30,000 and my father’s $50,000. I don’t know where he got the nerve to think that $250,000 isn’t a blessing directly from God, and I kind of got angry when he said he wanted a minimum salary of $500,000.
I tried pushing into his reasoning a little bit more. He said that DOs were kind of looked down on. I didn’t even know that there were multiple types of doctors five minutes ago. He said he didn’t want to live with a chip on his shoulder for the rest of his life.
He has wanted to be a doctor his whole life, and now suddenly all these obstacles are popping up, as if prestige or reputation matters. It started when he went to college, I think. He got a full-ride scholarship to a private university near our town.
I’ve met his friends, and they’re from rich families. I think they got into his head and are making him focus on the wrong things.
I want him to get on with his life. I don’t think spending years chasing two different letters is a good use of his time.
Also, based on the stories he’s told me of surgeons spending 7 years with 120-hour weeks, I secretly don’t think he’s cut out for surgery. I’m thinking that I’m going to tell him that he needs to get his stick out his backside and apply to these DO schools.
I get that he has dreams of being a surgeon, but his dreams can’t get in the way of a life without financial struggles. WIBTJ if I tell him to just suck it up and apply DO?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Cute that you “didn’t even know that there were multiple types of doctors five minutes ago” but you know better than your son what type he’d like to be.
People change their minds; you’re not the arbiter of legitimacy, and I’m guessing your doubt in him as a surgeon isn’t as secret as you think. If you want more money, YOU go make it. Stop putting your ignorant judgments on your son. ” Brainjacker
Another User Comments:
“YTJ – it sounds more like you’re upset he’s pursuing a high-paying degree. For one, maybe survival isn’t his goal, maybe being comfortable in a highly inflationary environment is – or maybe he’s thinking of working in a larger city where COL is insane.
Even in your comments, you sound jealous of him, repeatedly saying he should ‘drop his ego’ – is it HIM who needs to drop it, or you? Is your ego so bruised by his making rational long-term decisions that you want to pull him down too?” CatPhDs
Another User Comments:
“YWBTJ – If he asks for your opinion you can share it with him, but telling him what to do or pressuring him is wrong. He is an adult, he is free to make his own choices. There ARE differences between MDs and DOs and while they may not matter to you, they matter to him, and since this is his life, not yours, he gets to decide.
He has made his decision AND explained why to you in great detail. You’ve expressed your feelings, now it’s time to drop it. Meanwhile, it doesn’t matter whether you think the salary or prestige or any other difference matters. Again, it is HIS life and HIS choice.
18. AITJ For Wanting Privacy And Control Over My Room In My Parents' House?
“I’m a M22, and this is a problem that I’ve been dealing with since my early teenage years.
I grew up in a household with little respect for privacy, often rationalizing it as cultural or based on how my parents were raised. However, it became frustrating, especially when it came to my room.
Despite being a clean and organized person, influenced by my mom’s OCD-like tendencies, I’ve had ongoing disagreements with my parents about the boundaries of my space. My mom’s strict cleaning and organization patterns have led to constant conflicts over how I choose to maintain and decorate my room.
Flash forward years later, I have gotten older and am now a young adult (22) preparing and saving to move out and start the next chapter of my life. However, my relationship with my parents has only worsened. The boundary of my room being “off limits” to my mother has been an ongoing argument ever since the day I decided to go against her style of decorating and organization.
Whether it was to hang up LED strips, tapestries, or posters along my walls; it was an issue. Whether it was to buy new chairs or bean bags for my room, it was an issue. Even recently about a year ago I bought two new rugs for my floor, and that was also an issue for some ridiculous and outlandish reason.
It’s done nothing but cause some of the most heated verbal conflicts between me and my parents, drive a wedge in the relationship.
8 months after I had bought the rugs and displayed them, I returned from a 5,000 mile road trip across the country just to find my rugs removed and my room almost completely rearranged. Everything was changed and reorganized, from where I kept my very important migraine medication (I have severe chronic migraines and always keep extra strength Excedrin accessible), to where I keep my collection of shoes.
I come home and find the boxes that I keep thrown away in the recycling, my medication is nowhere to be spotted and my entire room doesn’t look anything like it did when I left. To make matters even worse, I had recorded what my room looked like right before I had left for my trip, so I had literal video proof of the issue which only made me angrier and angrier.
After developing a severe migraine, I couldn’t find my medication because my mom had rearranged my room. I was in intense pain for two hours, unable to reach my parents. When my mom finally came home, she pretended she hadn’t touched anything but eventually found the medication, jokingly blaming me for misplacing it.
I got extremely upset and confronted my dad, but he just told me to deal with it or move out. I feel disrespected and frustrated, as I believe I should have privacy and control over how my room is organized.
Am I wrong? AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“You are 22 – time to accelerate your move out of the house. Instead of spending money on a 5,000-mile road trip, you should have put that money towards getting your place. You know your mother will not change – you’ve had privacy issues your whole life (based on what you write).
You must know by now nothing with changed. You have two options – suck it up and continue to live like this – or move out now. Your mother is not going to change.” No-To-Newspeak
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Keep on track to move out.
I would keep your medication on you at all times. I don’t know what your mom’s issue is, but it’s not for you to fix. Quit spending money on stuff to decorate your room since your mom is just going to toss it anyway. If you do buy stuff, keep it in a separate storage.
And also, (I cannot stress this enough) when you move out, DO NOT GIVE THEM KEYS TO YOUR NEW PLACE.” ivylass
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but the name of the game from now to when you move out is to keep your head down. You are not going to change your parents.
They are not going to wake up one day and see you as a full, independent person who deserves privacy and respect. They’re *definitely* not going to do that while you are living with them. I’m not saying that your mom’s behavior is healthy or rational, but it’s not a problem you can fix.
What you can do is start packing now. If your decorations are in sealed boxes, she can’t mess with them without you knowing immediately, and they can’t offend her delicate design sensibilities. I highly recommend numbering the boxes instead of labeling them, and keeping a document on your phone with the list of what’s in each box.
That way the boxes become less appealing targets for your mother.” thatsunshinegal
17. AITJ For Wanting To Socialize Outside My Dorm Roommates?
“I (18F) got placed in a temporary triple at my university. One of my roommates (17F), Kelly is my childhood friend but didn’t keep in touch during high school. Betty (18F) is an international student but fluent in English because she went to an international school in her home country.
All 3 of us are of the same ethnicity and I am fluent in the language that roommate 3 (Betty) prefers. A temporary triple is a room meant for two but turned into three (1 bunk bed, 1 single). The dorm room only has 2 desks.
First 3 days of college, I was welcoming and thought it’d be nice for us all to get to know each other.
We would explore campus, go to events, and eat our meals together. However, 1st day in Betty already seemed disorganized. She didn’t have schedules, tuition payments, or credit cards figured out and I helped her make phone calls. She also seemed very introverted and was pretty quiet when we made small talk.
I felt that our personalities didn’t exactly match either. Every time we held a conversation, it would be me asking questions and her answering. My roommate’s friend, Kelly, was also similar as she was also quite introverted and didn’t make many friends in high school.
But since we were already friendly, we would carry on the conversation and it was comfortable enough.
After a few days, class started and I opted to socialize with people outside of my roommates since I’ve been with them 24/7 since I moved in. Plus, it’s college!
It’s an opportunity to make connections and meet new people. However, I realized Kelly and Betty might not feel the same way. Betty has been mostly in the dorm and only going outside for classes. She mentioned that she made some other international friends but she doesn’t want to hang out with them & rather be in the dorm.
Kelly has been going out & making new friends so it’s been better!
Betty would text our group chat for lunch or dinner together every day. Initially, I rejected it because I was out with other people but sometimes it was just excuses because I preferred to be alone since I see/live with my roommates all the time already.
Now I end up ignoring the text more often than not. They came to find me outside my dorm when I declined lunch. I did initiate a conversation about socializing/personal space. I mentioned that we should do online classes outside the dorms to give everyone alone time (especially in the morning.) Everyone agreed. However, Kelly has been passive-aggressive whenever I socialize with other people (whether purposely or unintentionally.) I invited them down to the dorm lounge to interact with people that I knew and eat some food but they just awkwardly stood to the side and stared at me.
Later, Kelly commented how I had time to socialize and eat there but couldn’t go with her at 11 PM to run an errand. Also said “I thought you weren’t hungry” after I came up from eating in the dorm lounge with others.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your roommates are not your friends. They can be, if everybody chooses that, but they don’t have to be. You just live together, which means being friendly and courteous to one another, but it does not mean you have to also see each other socially, and it certainly doesn’t mean you have to justify yourself whenever you go do social stuff without them.” DutchDaddy85
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here It sounds like you and your roommates have different comfort levels when it comes to socializing and navigating college life, and that’s okay. It’s important to remember that everyone adjusts to new environments and experiences at their own pace.
While it’s understandable that you want to branch out and make new connections, it seems like Betty and Kelly may be struggling with this adjustment and might feel left out or uncomfortable in social situations. Their behavior, such as Betty’s preference to stay in the dorm and Kelly’s passive-aggressive comments, might stem from feeling excluded or anxious about making new friends.
It doesn’t seem like anyone is intentionally trying to be a jerk; it’s just a matter of different personalities and adjustment paces” HazelAbigail
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here I wouldn’t try so hard and I would stop overthinking it. Not everyone goes to college to socialize and make friends.
I would much prefer my roommates keeping to themselves, especially in that tight of living quarters lol.” SarahLynn
16. AITJ For Speaking Up About My Dislike For My Dad's Partner's Son?
“My parents are separated, and my dad has been seeing a new partner for about eight months. Recently, she moved in with her son, who’s just a few months younger than me (f15), and I really don’t like him. I’ve told my dad how I feel, but he moved them in anyway.
Even though this guy hasn’t directly done anything to me, my younger brother has told me that he’s seen him hit or kick my cat, which makes me dislike him even more. Since they’ve moved in, my relationship with my dad has gotten worse, mainly because of issues involving them.
I often feel excluded from activities because it’s always about what his partner’s son wants to do, and my dad and his partner seem to talk to him way more than they do to me. It hurts to live there half the time and feel ignored by everyone, but I’ve been keeping quiet and just tolerating it.
It was my birthday a few days ago, and I asked my dad if we could spend the day together with just his partner, without her son. He agreed, but when the day came, he mentioned in the car that her son would be joining us.
At that point, I was tired of biting my tongue, so I said I didn’t want to go anymore. We ended up staying home and ordering food later, and he promised we would go out another day without him.
The next day, we went out, but I was feeling sad about the whole situation.
My dad’s partner noticed and kept asking me what was wrong. I tried to brush it off, but she kept pushing, so I finally told her how I felt about her son. I explained that since he moved in after I’d only met him twice and seemed to take over my house, I wasn’t a fan of him.
I was calm and didn’t yell or anything, but I felt like I had to be honest, even if it might hurt our relationship.
She got emotional, saying she doesn’t feel welcome in the house and feels uncomfortable around me. Then my dad came upstairs, and he yelled at me, saying I was selfish and that she might move out now, leaving him with nothing, and that it was all my fault.
I got really upset because I was just expressing how I’ve felt for months, so I packed a few bags and went to my mom’s house.
My dad called me later, saying I should’ve kept biting my tongue to keep the peace, and that I was selfish and ungrateful for saying what I did.
He thinks I should apologize, but I don’t think I should. I was miserable living there, feeling alone all the time, and I don’t think I could’ve kept biting my tongue much longer. The only thing I feel sorry for is how it might have come across or the results of what I said, but I don’t regret expressing my feelings.
So, am I the jerk for speaking up?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ You’re absolutely NTJ here. It sounds like you’ve been dealing with a lot of changes at home, and it’s completely understandable that you’re feeling hurt and excluded. You tried to communicate with your dad about your concerns, and it seems like those concerns were brushed aside.
It’s really unfair for your dad to expect you to keep quiet when you’re feeling miserable, especially when it’s affecting your mental health…..” AbigailSparks
Another User Comments:
“NTJ- I’m so sorry you’re going through this. Your father should have talked to you and given you more time to get to know these people before moving them in.
That was not fair to you or your brother. You have every right to voice your feelings. That was your home. You are not feeling happy or comfortable in your home. You deserve to be heard. I would also tell them about the mistreatment of your cat.
Good luck. I hope things get better for you.” Kikibear19
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Your dad is the jerk. It was his responsibility to ensure the new family dynamic worked, before moving the partner AND son into the home. He should have had a private conversation with you about your feelings.
Your father failed to prepare all parties for the move. Your father lacks in giving his time one-on-one with you. It appears he can’t be bothered to make you any kind of priority. That’s not to say that you should be his only concern.
You need to feel like a part of his new family, with equal time. Let him know how you feel. Stay away from the situation until you feel you have been heard and see some change (like one-on-one time with him). If you don’t ask for respect, you won’t get it, at this point.” Nonwokeboomer
15. AITJ For Pulling Out Of A Trip Because I Have To Drive Alone At Night?
“So we have a trip planned where someone has invited our friend group to their holiday home ( 4 girls including me, and 5 guys) out of town. It’s not too far (around a 4-hour drive) so it’s just for a short trip/weekend.
For context, we’re all at the age where we’ve finished uni, some people including my partners went traveling and some people are working, including myself.
The persons whose home it is said we can come anytime and stay however long we like from weds-Sunday.
I spoke with the girls and they asked if I was taking days off work, and I said I could drive us up Thursday evening after work as I work from home on Fridays anyway so can just log on on Friday whilst out there as Fridays are usually very chill, so no days off.
They said Thursday evening is fine and they’re happy to do that, as I’m the only one who drives/has a car. So this was the plan.
One of the girls has now said she can actually take her dad’s car and she doesn’t work yet, and neither do the rest of the girls, and said she’s going to drive up in the morning on Thursday if we wanted to get in her dad’s car.
I said I obviously can’t go in the day, as haven’t taken that day off, and one of the girls, let’s just call her Megan, said Thursday evening is still better for her and so she’ll come with me then and the other two to drive up Thursday in the morn.
She’s now messaged me, bearing in mind it’s Tuesday, 2 days away from the trip, saying she’s now decided to go with the other girls on Thursday in the day as her partner isn’t coming to see her so she would just be doing nothing during the day now.
I’m annoyed because it means I now have to do that 4-hour drive by myself in the dark after work, where I would be tired after a long day in the office and no one to keep me company, plus the extra cost of petrol I can’t split it anymore.
(I could go Friday eve after work but it’s the same situation, and Saturday only means I have one night there which seems a waste)
So I got annoyed and said well if that’s the situation I don’t want to come anymore and I’m a bit frustrated that they’ve changed the plans and now left me to make the journey on my own.
They’ve said to me I’m being difficult overreacting and it’s not a big deal, and to just drive up on my own and someone will come with me on the drive home.
I think it’s unfair as they’ve changed the plans so last minute as I potentially could’ve got Thursday off work if I knew in advance, but now it’s too short notice, but they’re acting like I’m being the jerk for now not wanting to go, as we haven’t been able to do a trip together for ages.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – they’ve changed plans last minute forcing you to do something you’re not comfortable with (making that drive alone at night). I’d be annoyed too. Especially since you COULD have made arrangements to leave earlier if they had said something earlier.
The “friend” that can’t spend a few hours alone to make sure her friend doesn’t have to travel alone kind of sucks for that.” Sixteen
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. They’re within their rights to change plans and you’re within yours to not want to go anymore.
I think you’re kind of making a mountain out of a molehill though, and your friendship will probably suffer if you do decide not to go.” TaigaTaiga3
Another User Comments:
“NTJ You’re already a day down. I won’t be traveling on Thursday after work.
It’s a 4 hour drive so chances are that you won’t get there till 10 pm anyway. It would be far better to get up early on Fri and drive down then after a good night’s sleep. But they changed the plans and you can too. You can either be truthful and say that you just don’t want to take that long drive on your own… or you can lie and say you aren’t feeling well.” KitchenDismal9258
14. AITJ For Wanting To Change My Game Account Password After Friend Ignores Me?
“I’ve been close friends with someone, let’s call him Sam, for 9 years. Earlier this year, Sam mentioned he wanted to play games but didn’t want to spend. Since I have a few games on my Epic account and we’re close, I let him borrow my account.
Here’s the situation: whenever our friends plan a trip, Sam either doesn’t respond in our group chat or refuses to go. This has been happening for about two years. Last year, we planned a camping trip, which coincided with my birthday, and invited Sam, but he declined. Since we were chatting a lot about the trip, we created a separate group chat so he wouldn’t feel left out.
Although this group chat was meant only for the camping trip, we ended up using it whenever Sam refused to join our plans.
In April, one of our friends mentioned a limited discount on plane tickets in the group chat that didn’t include Sam.
She asked if we wanted to go to the beach, and we quickly booked our flights since the slots were limited. We forgot to invite Sam initially, but one friend suggested inviting him later, even though it wouldn’t be at the discounted price. Knowing Sam’s situation—he was unemployed and likely to prioritize necessities over leisure—I agreed, thinking he might decline.
I reminded our friends to invite him anyway, but two months passed, and we forgot. We went on the beach trip, and in hindsight, we were somewhat relieved that Sam didn’t join us because the prices were high, and the activities, though fun, were exhausting.
Sam isn’t into outdoor activities and prefers to chill.
When we returned, we posted some photos on Instagram. I noticed Sam liked a friend’s previous trip but not our beach photos. I didn’t think much of it. A few days later, I messaged him to ask how he was doing, but he didn’t reply or see my messages.
I wanted to explain why we hadn’t invited him, but he continued to ignore me. I kept sending him memes and reels, but he never responded or viewed my IG stories. I started to worry that he was cutting ties with me, as he’s the type to easily cut people off.
I understand he might be hurt that we didn’t invite him, and I feel at fault for forgetting.
After two weeks of being ignored, Sam suddenly messaged me in our Disney+ group chat, asking for a code. To give you some context, I own the Disney account, which he and his family use, and we split the bill.
I wasn’t sure how to respond after being ignored, but I gave him the code since he paid his share. After that, he still didn’t talk to me. My other friends don’t seem bothered that he’s ignoring us, but I’m the only one worried about him.
It’s been two months now, and we still haven’t communicated. I’m starting to feel less concerned about him, so I’m considering signing out of my Epic account from all devices and changing the password so he can’t play the free games anymore.
WIBTJ if I sign out and change the password?”
Another User Comments:
“I would never have shared the account to begin with, but since you have let’s use that as the baseline. You (possibly unintentionally) left your friend out of the group. And you can see by his behavior since then that it has likely upset him.
But you have not indicated that you have reached out to apologize to him, only that he doesn’t reply to you. Instead of sending him a message to apologize and explain the situation that you know is the issue, you have sent him memes. And now you want to kick him off entirely from playing games that you’ve already allowed him access to.
Because now you feel some type of way about him not reaching out to you, a “friend” who has (to him) shown that you can and will exclude him to your heart’s content. YTJ. You need to speak up and apologize to your friend, and not expect him to come groveling to you for an explanation of why you left him out of the friendship in the first place.” StellarPhenom420
Another User Comments:
“Do whatever you want to do with your Epic account, I could argue YTJ either way on that one tbh, but where you truly shine as the jerk is by calling it an accident that you didn’t invite Sam on this trip.
It’s a group chat, you have access to this chat nearly 24 hours a day with a device that’s probably in your pocket. If you wanted to invite him, you would’ve sent the message when you realized he hadn’t already been invited, it wouldn’t have been continuously put off and put off until the week before the trip when it was too late.
It’s okay that you didn’t want to invite him, honestly, sounds like he’s a pretty reclusive person and probably didn’t want to go anyway, but you don’t get to call it an accident to let yourself off the hook. Own your mistake and apologize if you’re worried about your friend.
Kicking him out of your EPIC account doesn’t show concern, it shows pettiness.” Rhodes
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. You left Sam out of the group for at least a year and went on a group vacation without even inviting him. Even if he declined the invite, there is such a big difference between being invited and declining versus not even knowing there was anything to be invited to.
You didn’t just forget to invite him, you arranged and went on the trip entirely in secret from him! And now you’re wondering why he ignores your IG stories?? Sam should buy his videogames but I don’t think it makes him a jerk to use an account that you let him use, at least for the moment.” ninja_throwawai
13. AITJ For Being Upset That My Husband Didn't Visit Me In The Hospital After My Ankle Surgery?
“My husband had just left for work and I was outside and ended up falling and breaking my ankle. It was very obviously broken and the first thing I thought to do was call my husband to come back.
He came back within minutes and called an ambulance. When the ambulance took me, he said bye and to let him know any updates and he went to work. Him going to work at this point I understood as he has his own business and it’s only him and another guy, plus it’s a broken ankle nothing worse.
He texted me an hour later saying “Call me when you get out I’ll pick you up” as if picking me up from work lol.
I planned to keep him in the loop via text as much as I could, and I’ll admit I was scared at one point because I didn’t have pulses in my foot so a bunch of people came into my room explaining they needed to reduce the fracture immediately.
So they put me out while they did that, thankfully a kind nurse held my hand until I was asleep lol.
Once I was awake and back to baseline, I was in a hallway bed waiting for the ortho who eventually came to me and said I’d need surgery that night.
I asked him to bring me some things but they wouldn’t let him in he tried but ended up leaving.
Once I was in a room it was late-ish but I told him visiting hours are 24/7 come whenever or tomorrow (because we haven’t heard about when they were to do the surgery yet).
He said ok he’ll stop by tomorrow but he has to go to the bank at 930 so he’ll see when he can come pick me up. I never said anything about picking me up lol. Anyway, I said ok, I’ll keep you updated.
An hour later I text him I’m going into surgery. No answer. I text him when I’m awake after surgery. No answer (to be fair it’s 1 am lol). HOWEVER. I later learned he did not have his phone on the ringer and the surgeon tried calling him, but he didn’t pick up.
Fast forward the next day he eventually picks me up in the early afternoon, and I learn he ended up not going to the bank or anything. He never came to the hospital to see me all morning or afternoon, only came to pick me up.
Anyway, a week later I told him I was upset about him not being there or having his phone on (what if something in the surgery happened and she needed to reach him?). He was sorry but didn’t know it was a big deal because no one came to see him when he was in the hospital (which was before we even met, like 15 years ago).
I said that I was his wife, he should’ve been there at some point for me, I was scared, I had to have surgery!!!
Anyway, he seemed upset that I was so upset with him which made me feel bad lol.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, not at all. Surgery and anesthesia are ALWAYS risky, especially if you’re at the point where you’re calling an ambulance for a broken ankle (or maybe you’re just not American oop). He should have not only been there physically but at the very least been a ring away as soon as he found out you would need it.
And then to not follow up AT ALL? Until 12 hours AFTER? You’re completely valid in feeling like he wasn’t there for you. Show him what I said, or put him in contact with me. I’ll lay into him for you. Completely dropped the ball as a spouse.” violate
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, I understand at first your injury did not present as something serious, but the minute surgery was involved he should have been by your side. His reasoning for not doing it is also wrong because you asked him to come, so there’s that.
Who cares what happened to him 15 years ago? You asked him to visit you during a difficult time at the hospital and he didn’t. The phone being on silent mode is the cherry on top. Unreal. Has he no concern for your safety? Any kind of surgery that requires anesthesia is no joke.
Let’s hope it’s a lesson learned and he will be more attentive in the future, but make sure you talk to him about this, not caress his hurt ego. He was in the wrong here and should apologize and promise to do better in the future.” LessComfortable1980
Another User Comments:
“NTJ when my mom collapsed in Vegas and had to be taken to the hospital my dad and I hopped in a car and drove over 5 hours at 100+mph to get to her. We made it to the hospital as she was being discharged (luckily it was just low potassium mixed with too much booze and not enough food).
We took her back to her hotel, spent the night, and then my dad drove his car back home and I drove mom in her car back home. Your husband has zero excuse for not being there for you when you had to undergo surgery, let alone having his phone off/silenced so the surgeon and medical staff couldn’t even contact him about your condition.
That’s ridiculous.” JazzyCher
12. AITJ For Not Allowing My Sister's New Partner's Daughter At My Child-Free Wedding?
“Me (F33) is getting married soon (Nov 2024) which has been planned for the last 2 years. My sister (F36) has just split with her husband and started a new relationship with one of her colleagues (We will call him Brandon) who I have briefly met a couple of times before but don’t know very well, he’s nice enough but my FH has never met him and like I say I don’t know him myself.
My sister mentioned to Brandon that she is my maid of honor and that I will be getting married in November within the first week of their new relationship. Before my sister and her husband (let’s call him Rhys) split they were both invited to the wedding, as they’d been married for 15yrs so Rhys was a big part of the family.
Brandon automatically assumed he was invited to the wedding in Rhys’ place, which I didn’t like but sort of accepted that she’d want a plus one, and Rhys wouldn’t want to come now anyway given the situation, so I let it go. She then informs me that Brandon has told his daughter Kelly (F10) who he co-parents with his ex that they’re both coming to my wedding so Kelly is excited.
I reminded my sister that we are having a ‘child-free’ wedding which was communicated to everyone who was invited to attend, as we don’t have children, don’t want children and so don’t want children at our wedding which all our family and friends have been fine with.
I’ve met Kelly, and she is unfortunately a complete brat and not a child we would want at our wedding regardless of whether we’re having a child-free wedding or not. My sister thought our refusal was down to the cost of adding her as a guest when we’ve already reached maximum numbers, so initially offered to pay for her place.
I told her it was not about the money but because firstly I don’t like Kelly and secondly Brandon overstepped by assuming his child could come without even trying to talk to my FH first. I also calmly told her that she knew we were having a child-free wedding and should have told him straight away to avoid this happening.
It’s also not fair to our other friends and family members who have arranged childcare for their children to respect our wishes.
She’s now calling me a jerk because it’s ‘going to make things difficult’ for her when she tells him that he can’t bring Kelly as she’s excited about going to a wedding.
I told her that wasn’t my problem as I was not responsible for him trying to muscle in on a family event he wasn’t even invited to in the first place.
I’ve offered to talk to him for her, to keep the peace, but she said I’d just end up being ‘more of a jerk to him’ than I am already for telling her that her new partner’s child can’t come to my wedding.
So… Am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You didn’t have to tell her you don’t like Kelly. It’s enough that you’re having a child-free wedding. It’s not your problem he made this assumption. It’s not your problem your sister didn’t automatically correct him.
Let her tell him. If he doesn’t want to come, so be it. If she decides to step down, let her. Do not give in to any “keep the peace” arguments. You will regret it. If you think he’ll bring his daughter, make sure there’s someone to turn them away from both the ceremony and reception.
He may try the “but she’ll just eat from my plate” trick.” FuzzyMom2005
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Kelly is a brat because I bet you anything, in the wake of the divorce, one or both parents decided to stop saying no to keep her happy and be the “cool parent” rather than be a *real* parent.
Brandon is proving this by the fact he just assumed he was invited, then, when was talking about it with his spoiled kid, the kid demanded to come and he couldn’t say no because he’d forgotten how to stand up to his kid. The point is.
Not your monkey, not your circus. Your wedding, your rules. Period. Tell is if he shows up with the kid, you will be kicking all three of them out. Zero tolerance. And follow through by hiring security.” R4eth
Another User Comments:
“NTJ at all and with how pushy your sister is do you still want her to be your MOH?
She invited her new fling without consulting you and then proceeded to invite her fling’s kid. She is way out of line and is trying to make you into the bad guy instead of owning up to her mistakes. If you still want her at the wedding, it may be time to have a frank conversation with her and set some clear boundaries.
Remember, you don’t have to give her a +1.” JuggernautOnly695
11. AITJ For Making A Joke When My Ex Told Me He's Gay?
“So backstory 10 years ago I met my now ex (broken up for 7 years now) and we didn’t have the best relationship. We were both going through stuff at the time, me being diagnosed with BPD and him with very serious substance issues.
After one incredibly explosive argument, I decided to end the relationship. However, at the time I stated I would still be there for him no matter what but strictly as friends, and we still kept in touch throughout the years until 2 years ago when we just lost contact and fully started to move in different circles.
This brings us to last week. I have just finished work and am walking home thinking about getting ready to curl up in bed as I’m shattered. When I’m walking I always have my headphones with my music blasting out loudly. I would also like to point out that I am currently not wearing glasses (waiting for my new pair to arrive) and unless you are standing right in front of me, I won’t be able to tell who you are.
So there I am walking when I suddenly feel a tap on my shoulder and I see my ex. To be honest, I was stunned. The first thing I thought though when I saw him was he was using again. So we do the stunned how are you quick catch-up talk.
However, the more he explained how much worse his life had gotten the more my eyes widened and the more speechless I became.
After a couple of minutes, I noticed a guy standing right next to him and he noticed my eyes flicking to him where he told me this was his partner and he finally realized he was gay.
Now this wasn’t a huge shock to me, however, after all the information he had just dumped on me, I decided to add humor to the situation and exclaimed ‘Well you always liked stuff up there’.
This is when my ex gets very mad at me and starts shouting I haven’t changed and I’m still as childish as ever (true, but I believe I had major word vomit).
I would like to point out that the new partner is currently laughing at this telling him I have a point.
Now I have told my friends about this and they are split into 4 groups. Group 1 thinks I shouldn’t have even given him the time of day and should have left it.
Group 2 think it was a jerk thing to say. Group 3 thought it was as funny as anything. Group 4 said given my relationship history I should have seen this coming (this is now the 5th guy that has now announced they are gay) and have started calling me the professional beard.
So AITJ for what I said or did I have an unfortunate case of word vomit.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, he wanders up to you and trauma dumps, at that point most of the rules of ‘polite conversation’ fly out the window – but also: girl you shouldn’t be walking around with your 2 most vital ‘warning’ senses (sight and hearing) impaired, that’s super dangerous.
I mean look how easily he snuck up on you, that’s kinda terrifying. I know it wasn’t the question but sometimes my inner mom comes out and feels the need to make sure everyone gets home safe.” Mixedupmay.
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. If it’s the fifth time this has happened to you I’d have thought you’d have the reply perfected. I don’t think it’s necessarily a massive deal but idk why you have needed to ask so many people about it.
You said something a bit weird and not nice, whether it was funny or not doesn’t figure into whether or not it was right to say. You also mention him again, not sure of the relevance particularly. You’ve asked everyone to consider the whole situation from *your* perspective, but maybe you should try seeing it from his.” Difficult_Falcon1022
Another User Comments:
“I have a feeling that this is gonna be split into 2 sides in comments but to me, it seems that I’m having too much trouble deciding as I just want to shout how ‘homophobic that is’ even though it’s not you just being a homophobic person and knowing it ain’t homophobic, while also knowing that your ex is a jerk, and it was just word vomit you accidentally said… so I think I’m gonna just say NTJ for now” theurbanlegendhunter
10. AITJ For Being Upset About My Parents Having Another Child?
“My parents have 7 kids. There’s me (16m), Cayla (13f), Robin (12m), Sam (10m), Laci (8f), Zoe (6f) and Robbie (4m). They only ever intended to have two kids and even with me and Cayla alone, they’d still struggle. My parents don’t have great jobs. We never had much space in our house to begin with and now we’re all crammed in.
I started working at 13 to get funds so I could pay for stuff I needed, like a laptop, which I didn’t have access to when my school first shut down. We didn’t even have internet then. My parents swore they were done with Robbie they’d get us back on track and that I wouldn’t need to work just to pay for stuff I needed for school.
The weight of being the oldest is already a lot and I have paid for stuff before. I babysit so my parents can work nights or get a break. I take care of the house most days so they can focus on earning funds. But it’s a lot and we’re too big of a family for what we can afford.
My parents get help from the government but it doesn’t go far because they’re not good with funds or with buying groceries.
When no baby came right after Robbie I thought they were serious and I started to think about my future. I’d love to learn to cook better and work in a restaurant.
Not college exactly because we could never afford it and my grades aren’t good enough but something.
Then Monday my parents sat us down and told us they were having another baby and mom was like 14 weeks pregnant. They knew for 7 weeks and didn’t want to tell us until they were ready.
My siblings were mostly surprised but me? I said not again. I think I even cried a little which caught me off guard because I’m not a crier usually. This was apparently enough to break me though. My parents got so angry at me and told me to check my attitude.
I told them they gave me this attitude by being so reckless and putting so much on me and now they’ve broken their promise and we’re going to struggle even more than before. They told me to stop acting like they were doing something to me, that accidents happen and they’d never end a pregnancy, even if they could.
They told me to focus on making things okay and less on being so negative.
I know people say that having funds isn’t as important as long as you have a loving family and maybe that’s true for some people. But mine feels like a weight I have to carry and not something I’m blessed with.
They’re a responsibility on me, a burden. And maybe that’s awful to say but it’s how I feel. I hate worrying about what’ll happen if they can’t afford the bills or if my laptop breaks and I can’t afford to fix it or get a new one.
Or what if we can’t afford food or we can but I have to pay for groceries instead of saving?
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. This is a no-win situation. You do not have to ever babysit your siblings. That is not your responsibility. But then, if you didn’t watch the kids, there would be less funds to feed the kids.
Essentially, there are 3 parents in this household and two of them are acting very irresponsibly, which is increasing the workload of parent number 3. You should consider enlisting in the Air Force or the Navy when you are old enough. Even a good line cook won’t allow you an income to leave home.
So that’s a trap where you will still live at home and be pressured to watch the kiddos. Study hard for the ASVAB, and get a high score so you can get good training for a skilled job. Then enlist for four or six years (whatever the minimum is) get out and go into government contracting.
There’s good funds there, and it’s fairly safe, in terms of job security.” OkHovercraft4450
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I had a similar reaction when my parents announced they were having #5. I was the oldest at nearly 15 at that time and our house had been torn up in a massive renovation.
I don’t think I cried but I wasn’t happy. It’s been 33 years. The house isn’t finished (and probably won’t be while my parents are alive), I’m childfree, and don’t have a close relationship with my parents. My advice: * Keep working and try to save some of those funds.
* Look into local food banks, diaper banks, and other services. * Don’t completely discount college especially if you think your parents can get it together enough to fill out the FAFSA form. Your family probably qualifies for a lot of financial aid, to the point where you may not have to pay much at all.
* Move out as soon after high school as you can do it. * Know where your critical documents (SS card, birth certificate, immunization records, etc.) are and try to keep them yourself. You really should not move out without them.” C_Majuscula
Another User Comments:
“NTJ look after yourself and get out asap.
Are they religious? I know plenty of kids from huge Catholic families with baby boomer parents, mostly with good incomes though – and what has surprised me is how the majority of them have made opposite decisions as adults- small families or no children at all.
The pressure of having so many siblings took the shine off “family”.” Due_Replacement1570
9. AITJ For Asking My Overstaying Roommates To Pay Rent Or Leave?
“Some background. My (26F) and partner (26M) who we will call Bean, decided to move into a house my father just bought. Before moving in, I learned that my roommates Amber,(24F) and her mom Crystal,(57F) were getting kicked out of their house due to it being unliveable.
So I agreed they could stay at my father’s house with me for a little bit. (My father agreed as long as if it wasn’t longer than 3 months). I told them, “They just needed to help with utilities”. The closer the moving day came, I kept learning things I didn’t like.
Such as Amber, had a partner Mandy, (21F) who was going to be moving in with us, and they had 2 dogs. One who wasn’t trained at all and another whose training was lacking. I just kept telling myself it was okay because it was only going to be for a month or two.
I gave Amber and Mandy a room upstairs and Crystal a room downstairs. Then I let them use the whole garage, all the walking space upstairs, over half of the fridge, and about half of the cabinet downstairs in the kitchen. All I asked was if their dogs make a mess clean it and if they mess anything up fix it.
Once again thought it would be okay as long as it was only 3 months tops. So now I’m sitting here 2 and a half months later. Crystal leaves at the end of this month. I will miss her, she was great but Amber and Mandy haven’t set a leaving date and say they might be for another 4 to 5 months.
Their untrained dog made a mess on the carpet so much in front of the bathroom that I had to remove it. It tore off part of the siding of the house when it was outside and tore a big hole in the shed door outside so now I have wild animals in my shed. My father came to me and told me either they needed to be paying rent or they needed to leave because it had been over two months and there was now more damage to his house and he was mad.
So I told Mandy when she came home from work that they needed to pay some rent. Nothing too big like 200 maybe 300 a month that’s it but she kept saying they couldn’t do that because they had other bills (such as a phone car and medical bill) and they couldn’t pay those and save money.
Even after I told her we could talk about it more later when Bean and Amber were home. She wouldn’t leave it alone. And kept trying to “talk through it and fix the problem”. Her words literally. So I yelled at her that there was nothing to fix!
Either pay the rent or get out. I feel bad for yelling at her but don’t think I was in the wrong for asking them to pay more. By the way, they haven’t paid any of the utility bills due to my father paying them all in advance for me.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You’ve got squatters, and maybe need to get some legal help with this. Hopefully, you can get them out on your own, but I’m guessing you didn’t get anything in writing, and you may be in for a long, difficult lesson.
You didn’t go ‘back on your word’, the original agreement was for 3 months – they’re the ones who’ve never honored the agreement to pay utilities, clean up after the dog, etc. The time to be a nice, sweet pushover ended the first time they missed a utility bill or didn’t clean up after the dog.
Now is the time to find your backbone and get these squatters out. I’m willing to bet that their sob story about their previous living situation was either a fabrication or damage caused by them in the first place.” TrainingDearest
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You offered to let them live in the house for two months to let them get back on their feet.
You did *not* offer them the house “until they get back on their feet”. You didn’t sign up for “2 months or whatever”. Tell them that the time is up, that you can’t support them anymore, and that they’ll have to find another solution.” ThingsWithString
Another User Comments:
“NTJ The deal is this. Amber and Crystal were allowed to move in for 3 months (they brought Mandy and dogs but you accepted the additions). They were required to 1. help pay utilities, 2. couldn’t stay longer than 3 months, 3. Clean up messes/Fix items if necessary. Crystal seems to be the only one who kept her end of the deal of moving out and being responsible.
Amber and Mandy have/are not keeping their end of the deal. They need to either a. Pay you back damages and utilities (honor the first deal if still possible) or b. Accept your new deal (They can stay but they need to pay a portion of rent and item 3), or c.
leave. If your dad is the owner/landlord of the house, He has every right to kick them out with cause (damages are enough of a reason), Be prepared to write an eviction notice. If they do agree to the new deal, get it in writing (like a contract) so that if they break it, you can evict them and they can’t fight it.” Argylesox95
8. AITJ For Refusing To Meet My Partner's Mother's New Partner?
“My (25F) partner (24M) and I have been together for 3 years now, and I originally thought his mom (59F, I will call her Mary) liked me, but ever since she initiated her divorce, there is always tension when she’s around.
This all started around Christmas last year when Mary started fighting with my partner’s other mom (63F, will call her Jane) and insisting Jane has always been emotionally distant my partner and Mary started getting upset and excluding her from family time because she’s causing their marriage to fall apart.
By February, they decided to separate and then divorce, and then it came out that Mary fell in love with a woman who had rented out their house while the family was on vacation and that she ALSO divorced her spouse. Mary and her companion are now living together and the divorce hasn’t started yet.
Honestly, not my circus, not my monkeys, but my partner is much closer to Mary than he is to Jane, so when Mary rants about the latest inconvenience in the divorce, regardless of how valid Jane’s concerns or demands are, he’s very quick to defend her while refusing to speak to Jane at all.
It’s his relationship with his parents, so I’m not getting involved but I’m often shocked at the current dynamic.
My partner and I had an unrelated fight, and Mary took the opportunity to tell him how much she didn’t like me.
She told him that I have too many needs and, I quote, that I “should find a proper job first and won’t find anyone who will be with me properly until [I’ve] figured out how to have fewer needs”. By needs, she’s referring to the fact that I’m not in contact with my parents and that I often need to send my sister money while being in a PhD program rather than working full time (plus I am actively in treatment for an autoimmune disease at the moment), which I just thought was extremely weird because it’s not like my partner is involved in those problems. On top of that, she’s developed this habit of asking me questions and then talking over me before I can answer, and when she wants to have coffee with me, all she talks about is my partner when he was a kid and when he was a baby.
So I just stopped hanging out with her because it felt more like she was initiating some kind of contest with me than building a relationship.
My partner told me that for Christmas this year, we will probably spend it with Mary’s family, which is fine, Mary and I are cordial enough.
But I told him that if Mary’s companion is there I will not be attending and that I will not be attending any kind of event or dinner where she’s there.
I think it’s too much emotional energy for me and not my business to get to know her, especially with the drama attached. Second of all, I feel like Mary has been incredibly unhinged lately.
AITJ for refusing to meet Mary’s companion?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ While it’s not your circus, not your money, the circus tent is encroaching over your property line the monkeys are getting into your house to use your bathroom, and your partner is visiting the circus regularly.
Mary has already said she doesn’t like you and your partner is very close to his mom and she is actively trying to split you up, that’s a massive red flag, and refusing to meet with Mary’s new partner isn’t going to do you any favors.
So while you might be protecting yourself from getting further dragged into the crazy one of those darn circus clowns is probably going throw a confetti fire bucket full of crazy into your life sooner or later.” DFTgamer
Another User Comments:
“NTJ to not want to be involved in their drama and to avoid being treated poorly.
But avoiding holidays won’t necessarily fix this. Your partner is bringing the drama to you. He is very close to a woman who dislikes you. He’s talking about you with her (how else would she know about your sister, etc.) and she’s not supportive of your relationship.
Why did he tell you what she said? I have to wonder if he was using her words to indirectly criticize you. Given all that- What sort of future do you envision with your partner? Spending holidays apart forever?” HowlPen
Another User Comments:
“I’ve had some of those monkeys and it’s going to get worse, you’re going to get hurt, and the relationship will end anyway.
Mary had outright said she doesn’t like you and is actively trying to turn him against you. You’ve seen the dynamics between your partner and his parents even after knowing his mom was unfaithful he still defends Mary and has nothing to do with Jane.
That says so much about him and his lack of protecting you and your relationship says more. You can’t avoid holidays and Mary’s new partner forever. It’s not realistic considering how close your partner is to Mary. I realize you’ve invested 3 years of your life in this relationship, but you need to reevaluate things.
You’re no longer compatible. NTJ” Outrageous-forest
7. AITJ For Calling My Best Friend's Partner When She Was In Danger?
“This happened around a week ago. My (22F) best friend (28F) called me at 3 am to tell me she’d been out all night with some of her other friends and they’d been separated. I usually go with her as a DD, but I wasn’t involved that night.
It was impromptu. They originally meant to go to one bar, but they ended up hopping and going to some of the more wild clubs in the city.
I saw her location on the phone during the call and realized that she was in one of the worst parts of town, a ways from the bars she’d said she was at.
When I asked her where she was going, she said she was going home with her supplier. I asked her why she didn’t just ask her partner for help getting home or one of us, and she said she didn’t want to bother us.
She told me explicitly not to tell her partner what she was doing.
As you can guess, this is where I am probably the jerk. I called my fiancé and asked for some perspective. He immediately begged me not to go pick her up and told me to call her partner.
My friend was intoxicated and high on the phone in a different state with a man I didn’t know, and I wouldn’t have been able to get her as I don’t have access to my car, nor would my fiancé allow me to drive in that area at that time to get her.
I tried to find an Uber or a Lyft, but of course, no one would service that area at that hour. So, I called her partner hoping he would help her get home or reach out to her and convince her to come home.
I didn’t mention that she was with a supplier or anything other than she’d been separated from her friend group and was resting at someone else’s place and that I couldn’t go get her.
He told me he’d been trying to get ahold of her since midnight and that she’d told him she’d already headed home before then. When I sent him her last known address, he thanked me and hung up. All he did end up doing was calling her starting a shouting match, and accusing her of being unfaithful.
She didn’t get home until mid-morning.
I realize had I not done anything, they may have never fought. I’ve covered for her before, but it was never this serious. She blames me for the night and all the chaos that came between her and her partner, and I regret it.
Maybe I shouldn’t have let my fear get to me, and I should’ve stayed out of it. But, she’s my best friend, and I was afraid she was in danger.
She’s safe now, but I think it’s over between us.
She doesn’t call or text, and in our last conversation, she was rightly angry at me and said she couldn’t trust me anymore. It feels genuinely horrible to have let her down and lost her so easily. Am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Her safety took priority because you are a decent human. You are not responsible for the consequences of her choices. And I don’t think she was ever actually a good friend, no real loss there. Sleep with a clear conscience- you definitely wouldn’t be able to if she had been the victim of a crime or found dead in a ditch somewhere because you were worried about her being angry and had done nothing.
Accept the undeserved anger from your still-living ex-friend and call it a win.” Antelope_31
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You didn’t force her to hop bars, you didn’t force her to be with a supplier or to be in a sketchy part of town. Her partner finding these things out (and even more so a watered-down version, no details, etc) and having this reaction is completely her problem.
She made her bed, now she has to lie in it. If the argument was that bad, chances are he’d probably talked to her about it before. Either way, she chose to go that route and she has to face the consequences of her actions.” JustADiamondPickaxe
Another User Comments:
“Your friend was making some seriously bad calls and putting herself in danger. You made the only good choice you could and acted to protect her. She might not see it right now but you are a good friend and a good person.
Well done. NTJ” RoadToRuin86
6. AITJ For Not Wanting My Family To Visit My New Home?
“I 17M will be moving out next year once I’m done with high school, I will most likely finish closing on a duplex by 06 of 2025. I am financially blessed to be able to support myself, my income is steady. I am wonderful at managing my monthly expenses and saving, no issues with that.
I like my family, they’re on both ends of the spectrum. While growing up my dad was a jerk sometimes but also helped me out in ways. I wouldn’t be where I am without him, it just sucks that his impulsive actions and child-like behavior in his 20% of the time ruin the good man he is the other 80%.
I’m moving out because I genuinely cannot stand living with my family. I am nocturnal just to avoid them.
Like I said, I’d fight tooth and nail for my family but I hate living with them, we just don’t share many ideas and lifestyles.
I also don’t share religions with my parents but I’m yet to tell them, the entirety of my family is Muslim but if I told them I wasn’t Muslim they’d be upset for a long time but eventually get over it while trying to get me to revert.
My parents are aware I plan to move out and while talking about it my wonderful older sister decides to chime her big head in “Well when you move out you’re letting mom and dad sleep over and visit and stuff right” I said no, I used the excuse that the house would be my “new office” and I don’t want people in and out of my office.
My parents went on a rant about how they always knew I’d abandon them and throw them away once I finished using them. I’ve adapted to the mentality that if I treat them like mentally ill children throwing temper tantrums it usually works out okay.
For the next 2 hours, they were arguing with me about how I can’t just leave and how I won’t be around as often I said I obviously wouldn’t and I let them know that when I’m gone I’ll see them less and less often.
By the way: My dad is currently in his “silent treatment” stage for my decision.
My family’s values and mine simply don’t align, they want me to get married, but I don’t. They want me to go to college, but I don’t. They want me to live at home till I’m 25, I don’t. They want me to get a normal 9-5 job, I don’t.
By the way, I want a dog when I’m out, I’m thinking about adopting but I’d prefer a dog that doesn’t shed so that when they eventually do visit when I’m 23 or something they won’t know I have a dog. Any recommendations on breeds? Peace!”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Buy yourself some time. Move into a uni dorm — assuming that is where you’ll be moving to. You’ll have the opportunity to meet and to live with other same-aged people; who knows, they might become life-long friends. [Are you going to college?
You’re not clear on this point.] Move into your place (purchased with your own money) at the end of your first year. By then, you’ll have a much better idea of how your parents are likely to behave once your physical absence from them has started. Then, you can decide whether going n/c or providing them with your living information is the better alternative.” Individual_Ad_9213
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I’d go with option B. Also, be aware of/do these. Set up a bank account in a different bank from your parents. Not just a different branch of the same bank. Be sure you have all your important documents. Have your mail forwarded to a PO box at first, if possible.
Make sure you regularly check your electronics for tracking apps and keystroke capture software and be sure all are secured, preferably with biometrics. Also, check for airbags and similar tracking devices in your vehicle, inside anything you carry (wallet, backpack, laptop). Things keep getting smaller!
If you can afford it and not arouse too much suspicion, rent a small storage space and start moving things out a bit at a time. First, those important documents! You can also start buying things for your new place & store them so you aren’t inviting questions.
Best of luck!” JewelCatLady
5. AITJ For Writing A Note To My Parents About My Struggles With Friendships And Their Reactions?
“I (18F) wanted to go to a friend’s graduation party two months ago and they didn’t let me. I decided to write a note trying to explain to my parents why I value my friendships and they completely flipped out on me. For starters, I’ve written my parent’s notes before as I wanted to be clear and not emotional, and they were not the nicest and they were mean rants so this time I wrote a nicer one, focused more on me rather than what they did.
I even asked trusted leaders in my life to find any disrespect and they said it was okay and straightforward. My parents, however, flipped out and started yelling at me.
The note summarized my experiences. I’ve always felt like the odd one out in friend groups and never felt like I fit in.
I switched schools in 7th grade to a K-12 school and it was abrupt and I struggled making new friends when everyone was established. In 8th grade, I did not talk to me as I did not have a cellphone. I only spoke to my family and didn’t talk to my friends.
Luckily in 9th grade, I caught up with my old friend group and had fun with them but they left the school to different high schools. It was lonely the first few months because I knew people but they weren’t close to me at first and they already built relationships online.
During this time, I had secret social media accounts because I felt like I was going insane and my parents got mad and wrote it off as me being sneaky and bad. The situation and moving schools had affected my ability to make friends and I struggled with mental health.
My parents were also fighting a lot and I had no escape and I felt like I was going insane.
I thought my parents would understand but they were livid. I had a small section in my note about how I felt like my parents weren’t the easiest to talk to, but I didn’t say anything negative about them.
They told me I had bashed them and was being dramatic because “everyone went through the situation” and I wasn’t special and told me I would have to make new friends regardless in life. My mom told me how she felt I hated the family and thought nothing of them.
I haven’t been the kindest to my parents over the years though and I’ve been acknowledging that. My parents are Nigerian so they believe in corporal punishment I was hit a lot and screamed at as a child. I’ve internalized that anger and take it back to them.
Sometimes I wonder if I am being dramatic and holding onto grudges for longer than need be and am bashing my parents. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Hitting you, degrading you, isolating you, and forcing you to strip for ANY reason, is all mistreatment. Your parents are abusive, not strict.
Cultural differences do not apply here, this is mistreatment. You are not the jerk, but you should do whatever you can to be independent of them.” Idiot_Parfait
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, you have been mistreated, unfortunately, and trying to communicate maturely with emotionally immature and abusive parents, will get you nowhere.
I’m not sure what made you think they would be understanding in this instance, given how they’ve treated you in the past– your only priority should be figuring out how to get as far away from them as possible, and then getting therapy so that you don’t attract or replicate the trauma in your future relationships.” in_formation
4. AITJ For Confronting My Sister About Her Autistic Son's Homophobic Behavior?
“I (26F) have a sister, Brenda (29F) who has 6 children with her husband, her oldest 2 are in the same middle school, they’re Melvin (12M) and Jensen (11M).
They go to a private middle school and in our state, there are no curriculum requirements for private schools.
Jensen and his friends from his basketball team all took as many sports-related classes as they could to avoid more academic classes, one of those classes Jensen and his friends are in is Dance 1. The class is mixed gender, but the class Jensen and his friends are in is mostly male, however, there are only a few males in the class not in his basketball friend group.
One of these boys is named Liam (11M). I have met Liam a few times before as he will be at my sister’s house with Jensen and the rest of his friends when we go over there for dinner. Liam is a good kid, he’s very sweet and respectful.
Liam is also on the more feminine side, liking more traditionally “girly” things like the Stanley tumbler, dance, skincare, and being a Swiftie. Brenda and her husband are fine with this and say they don’t care what he likes.
The issue is Melvin. Melvin and his friends have bullied Liam both at home and at school, calling him the f slur, calling him gay and “zesty”.
Melvin and his friends have gotten detention and suspension for their homophobia and misogyny multiple times before.
The issue is Brenda and her husband dismiss this and don’t punish Melvin because he’s autistic, and a very nerdy/geeky kid. They say stuff like “Melvin and his friends just don’t understand, they shouldn’t be punished for a lack of social skills.” They have said that autistic boys will just naturally be “edgy”, and that all the parents of boys in autistic social media groups report their sons having similar issues.
I’m neurotypical but am getting my Master’s in Disability Studies, on Friday, I was at Brenda’s house and Melvin made a homophobic comment to Liam, then Jensen told him to “shut the jerk up”. Brenda told Jensen to “be respectful to Melvin, you know he’s different”, I asked Brenda if I could speak with her in private.
I told her I was concerned about Melvin and how I felt that she was using his autism to dismiss his behavior and how that was harmful, I mentioned what I have learned in my classes. She said that I should stop “talking over Melvin” and that as a Disability Studies student, I should know “not to be a neurotypical speaking over an autistic kid”.
She said I was “talking over” my nephew and how Melvin has told her that autistic culture is about embracing his differences and how he just “speaks the truth”, I decided to stop pushing back after she called me ableist.
A bit after I got home, she texted me asking for an apology for “speaking over” Melvin, I said I would think about it because I didn’t think I did much wrong.
Since then, she and Melvin have been saying that I was causing harm to him and I should apologize.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Nope. Autistic children can learn right and wrong. Your sister is choosing to believe that the only option is for her son to do what he wants and for everyone else to live with it and be respectful of the disrespect Melvin is doling out.
I would distance myself but if you wanted to give it another shot, you could compare the things your sister does choose to discipline Melvin over vs what she doesn’t. It seems she thinks it’s fine for her son to use homophobic slurs because he is “speaking the truth”.
Sounds like your sister harbors those same feelings and just doesn’t voice them so Melvin saying what she is thinking doesn’t feel wrong to her.” Zamastyle
Another User Comments:
“Of course NTJ. Neurodivergent or not, kids need to learn basic respect and decency and the difference between bullying and joking around among friends.
Autism isn’t an excuse for being a jerk. If his parents aren’t teaching him then one day he’ll pick on the wrong kid who will retaliate and maybe he’ll learn then. If they’re not calling him out then maybe someone else will.
As a parent, I’d be embarrassed if my kid was spouting language like that. Or, maybe it’s a sign that they’re just okay with the homophobia so they don’t see it as such a big deal? How exactly is asking to speak with her in private “talking over” him?” AnchovyZeppoles
3. AITJ For Moving Back In With My Parents When My Sister Can't?
“I’m 24F and my sister is 26F.
At 18, I moved abroad for 6 years – 3 years studying and 3 working. I’ve always struggled with depression and found ordinary life events more challenging than my peers. I’ve worked hard to manage stress, but recently, I realized I needed more support and decided to move back to my home country.
My parents took me in as I had built my adult life elsewhere and had nowhere else to go. Renting in my home city is tough, and it can take months to secure a place. While I’ve been looking for a rental, my parents suggested I stay at home for a year or two to save up for a deposit on my place, which many of my childhood friends have done.
It’s easier to buy than rent here.
We agreed on some conditions: I need to get a job, contribute to bills (though they won’t charge me rent), help out around the house, and if I’m out later than 11 pm, I should stay at a friend’s to avoid waking them.
My sister had a different path. She studied locally and stayed home, but got into partying. She often came home noisily in the early hours, which clashed with my quiet, introverted parents who value a clean house. As she got older, tensions grew. She got messier, and louder, especially when drinking.
The final straw was when she started using recreational substances, and my dad found some in her room. This led my parents to ask her to move out as the substances went against their values. Other issues like taking money, lying about grades, and repeating a term added to it.
They helped her find a new place, but she was evicted within the first year and then was asked to leave a friend’s house. She now lives in government housing, which she doesn’t like, but she’s been stable there for a few years.
When she learned I’d be moving back in, she was upset and commented on how she’d love a year or two rent-free to save for a deposit.
She’s asked my parents before, but they’ve always said no because her lifestyle hasn’t changed much. Plus, she’s in a lot of debt, so she isn’t in a position to save, as most of her extra cash goes to paying off debt.
Last night, while getting food, she told me she thinks I should move out because it’s unfair that I get an advantage. She said it was favoritism and that her opinion of me would lessen if I stayed with our parents. I understand her feelings; I’d be hurt if the roles were reversed.
However, I also see my parents’ side. She was difficult to live with, came home late, was often intoxicated or high, brought substances into the house, which could have jeopardized my mother’s job, and wasn’t very responsible with money or property. Despite this, my parents have always supported her, helping with rent, packing, and moving each time she was evicted. We all spend time together, and they show her love often, so I’m not sure it’s favoritism.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It’s not favoritism. It’s the law of natural consequences at play. You make different choices, you get different outcomes. You’ll be kicked out too if you copy her choices. You are making different ones and it’s your life, not hers.
Your parents have agency over their choices and decisions, just like she does and just like you do. She is jealous and trying to emotionally manipulate you to act against your self-interests so that you’ll be as miserable as she is, too. Her opinions are irrelevant.
You have nothing to feel guilty about in any way, and your sister made her mess, doesn’t care at all about your welfare, and doesn’t respect your parent’s right to decide about what kind of home/life they want in their own home.
You aren’t children.” Antelope_31
Another User Comments:
“NTJ This is not favoritism. She had the same privilege/advantage as you and she blew it. The fact she was kicked out of two other places kind of solidifies the idea that your sister’s behavior was the problem, not your parents.
She is jealous and misery loves company, don’t let her try to drag you down instead of doing the work to pull herself up.” DramaGirl6155
Another User Comments:
“I’ll be controversial and say No jerks here. If she’s been in government housing for years, it means it’s been years since she’s been kicked out.
Her lifestyle may not have changed, but her attitude toward respecting your parent’s rules may have, and I think it’s valid for her to be a bit frustrated. However, that frustration has nothing to do with you, and you shouldn’t have to move out just because she’s jealous of you.
This is an issue for her and your parents to work out amongst themselves” im-Gwen-Stacy
2. AITJ For Serving My Roommate's Partner's Leftovers At My Dinner Party?
“My roommate, Dave, has been seeing this girl, Lisa, for a few months. Lisa is an amazing cook, and whenever she comes over, she whips up these incredible meals. The thing is, she always makes way too much food, and they leave a ton of leftovers in the fridge.
Now, Dave never eats the leftovers. I’m not exaggerating when I say that every few days, I have to go through the fridge and clean out all the old food Lisa leaves behind because it just sits there until it starts to go bad.
A few weeks ago, I decided to throw a small dinner party for some friends.
I’m not much of a cook, so I was getting stressed about what to serve. I thought, why not ask Lisa to help out? She’s always cooking at our place anyway, and I’ve always complimented her food. So, I casually mentioned it to Dave, asking if Lisa might be cool with cooking for my party.
Dave seemed a bit taken aback but said he’d ask her. The next day, he told me Lisa wasn’t comfortable with it because she didn’t want to feel like she was being taken advantage of. I was surprised but told him no problem, I’d figure something else out.
The night before the party, Lisa comes over and starts making dinner for her and Dave, as usual. I’m in the kitchen, hanging out with them, and mention that I’m still trying to figure out what to serve at my party the next day. Lisa doesn’t say much but continues cooking, and I notice she’s making a LOT of food – way more than just for her and Dave.
After they finish eating, they leave the leftovers in the fridge. Given the history of these leftovers going uneaten and just taking up space until I have to clean them out, I get an idea. The next day, I take out the leftovers, heat them, and serve them at my dinner party, along with a bean dip I made.
My friends loved the food and kept complimenting me on how great it was. I just smiled and thanked them without giving too many details.
That night, Dave comes home, orders pizza, and goes to bed without even checking the fridge. Two days later (after Lisa has already come and cooked another dinner), he notices the leftovers are gone and asks me what happened to them.
I told him I used them for my party. He gets super mad and says I had no right to take the food Lisa made. I argued that it was just leftovers, and since they never eat them, I figured it was better than letting them go to waste.
Now, both Dave and Lisa are pretty upset at me, saying it was a jerk move to “steal” her cooking for my party. I think they’re overreacting because it was just food that was going to end up in the trash otherwise.
So, AITJ for serving my roommate’s partner’s leftovers at my dinner party without asking?”
Another User Comments:
“Eh, Everyone’s a jerk here. You know what you did, she told you she was uncomfortable. Also, you lied. Also, you took something without permission. Also, you held a dinner party without knowing the night before what you were making; what would you have done if she hadn’t cooked?
They need to take responsibility for their leftovers. You shouldn’t be finding them going bad and having to throw out food from a shared refrigerator. As soon as they’re depending on you to manage the food build-up, they’re muddying the waters. But seriously, you know what you did.” MaybeMabelDoo
Another User Comments:
“YTJ, but for a different reason than everyone else is saying- it was weird for you to ask Lisa to cook for your party in the first place. That’s a pretty big favor to ask from someone who, let’s face it, you don’t know that well.
Thinking you could just request that she cook a fancy meal for you and all of your friends when you’re just her partner’s roommate is pretty wild. Now, if you had asked her to help you out by recommending some easy recipes for beginners or to give you pointers on cooking, that would be a different story.
But the request was pretty out of pocket. I do agree that they need to be more conscientious about their leftovers. But I think you need to think about boundaries and what’s cool to ask of someone that you don’t know that well ETA: OP isn’t answering a basic question- why didn’t he ask her to teach him?
Why didn’t you try to learn yourself ?” thrwy_111822
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Not only was it not your food (and you didn’t ask either of them if you could serve the leftovers), but you also didn’t know what was in the food. What was the plan if someone had an allergic reaction to one of the ingredients?
Apologize, move on, and stop trying to argue about why you think you’re not the jerk in the comments. It’s not about the food, or that it would have gone to waste. Lisa said she wasn’t comfortable making food for your party and you went behind her back to get what you wanted. That’s a lousy thing to do and you know it.” rivendell101
1. AITJ For Not Allowing My Half-Brother To Visit Our Father's Resting Place?
“My (40F) father (76) passed away over two years ago. I suspected he had a second family so was emotionally prepared when a woman (~50yo) arrived at the wake with her children “Art” (then 23M) and “Kate” (11F). She was a former secretary at my dad’s work and her two children were my half-siblings.
When security tried to make them leave, the woman demanded that they had the right to be there, especially Art, who she called the “*unico hijo*” and “the most important person” there.
My mother (70) and her sister (F72) were shocked, and those words hit my mom hard.
Unlike his mother, Art was thoughtful. He understood when I said I needed to prioritize my mom’s physical and mental health, and he got his family to leave, which I appreciated. The next day, I took my mom away for a few hours so they could go to the wake.
Mom knew what was going on, of course, and was plenty mad at me. I was stressing about another confrontation at the funeral, so was relieved when Art texted that “out of respect for (my) mother” they would keep away. He asked to visit the Columbarium later and I said of course, whenever he wanted.
Fast forward 2 years. Art and I both work abroad. We communicated during the distribution of my dad’s estate (money/shares, no property since our house/land are all mom’s family). We were efficient and civil, and we hadn’t talked in over a year.
No acrimony, just no longer any need.
So I was surprised to get an angry message from Art a few days ago. He was back home, went to the columbary vault, and learned that my mom moved my father’s urn. I called Mom and learned that she and her sister had a chapel built on their private land way outside the city.
There is a vault with my dad’s urn, and Mom said it would eventually house her urn too. I asked if there was any way Art could visit the chapel and she exploded. She is still angry about the *unico hijo* comment and accusations Art’s mom made during the distribution of Dad’s assets.
My mom said Art’s family got too entitled because of me. And that if I kept insisting, I was going to give her a heart attack. My aunt added it was time for me to think of my mom first.
I told Art that I would no longer press my mother about this and for the first time, he blew up at me too.
We screamed awful things at each other during the phone call. Now that I’ve calmed down, I can see his side. But if I weigh this against causing my mom any more pain, I’ll choose my mom every time. Art said that after everything he did to be considerate, how could I not even let him visit his father’s resting place?
He said that I’m finally showing my true self, and I’m just like my mom.
I feel like any action I decide, I would end up being the jerk to someone, so I choose to prioritize my mom. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ.
But you are right, you would be a jerk to somebody, no matter what you did. At least in their eyes. You need to back up a bit and realize. It was your father who started this mess. While both families associated with your father are victims of your father’s irresponsible and selfish behavior… Your mother is further victimizing Art and his family by denying them (essentially) closure.
And I suspect that is a deliberate action on the part of your mom. The urn was moved to private land specifically so Art and his family could not visit it. While your mom may state a different reason for moving the urn, the main reason was specifically to punish Art and his family for simply existing.
Either the urn needs to be moved back to somewhere that Art can visit it, or Art and family need to be welcome to visit the urn exactly where it is now. I can understand you not wanting to confront your mom. But somebody has to.
Who else will do it?” OkHovercraft4450
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. The real jerk is your father. Considering the gap in your half-sibling’s ages, this was no brief affair. He was with his second family for over ten years, so his children, legal or not, must have known him as their father.
I sincerely hope that he made some provision for his eleven-year-old daughter. That said, I don’t fully understand your mother’s attitude toward his remains. Why is she so possessive over the ashes of a man who stepped out on her for over ten years?
Does she think that preventing his children from viewing his remains is going to somehow undue his infidelity? It’s almost as if she feels that she was unable to hold onto your father in life so she’s going to cling to him in death.
Your father’s kids didn’t ask to be born illegitimately- fighting over who gets to keep or view an urn just seems petty and mean-spirited.” Excellent_Hunter_210
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, because it does not sound like you have the power to allow this visit.
It also sounds like you wanted to allow it, and were searching for a compromise from the initial meeting. Your father was the first jerk, and now your aunt and mom are both being jerks. Perhaps you can tell Art you will continue to advocate for his visit but that you don’t physically have a way to allow him to visit.
As far as your mom, I’m surprised she wants a resting place on private land. Seems like it can be sold once she’s gone. Her grief may be clouding her judgment. Edit: your title says you’re keeping him from visiting but it doesn’t sound like it’s really up to you.” Major_Barnacle_2212
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