People Are Hungry For Our Thoughts On Their "Am I The Jerk?" Stories
23. WIBTJ If I Change The Delivery Date?
“I’m part of a creative team and we’re waiting to receive proofs for our new book.
The production of the physical book is possible due to us having received funds after I applied for a grant for us. The money and therefore the order came through me and therefore uses my home address.
The proofs are due when I’m on holiday, with maybe 3 days to wait till I get back.
The rest of the team is so keen they want to collect the proofs while I’m away, I’ll have a friend looking after my house so it would kind of be possible for me to coordinate this while I’m away, but, and here’s where I might be the jerk.
I don’t want to organize it!
There are a lot of different things for this house sitter to take care of that are essential, and they are really doing me a favor to look after things. I don’t want to also hold them to receiving this delivery, contacting me, then waiting for someone they don’t know to come for these proofs.
I’m also a bit peeved because I’ve invited members of the team to my place a few times for social occasions etc. and never had any takers, yet they’re practically planning on camping on my doorstep while I’m away.
I suggested we all wait till I’m back and look at the proofs together, but apparently, nobody else wants to wait for me.
The possible benefit of not waiting is to approve the proofs ASAP, so production can start, but I’d also like to see it before it’s approved so I think they’ll have to wait in any case.
WIBTJ if I just change the delivery to a day that I’m going to be there, even if some of the team want it sooner?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Everybody just sounds jittery-excited about the book. Just tell them to wait, it’s only a few days.
Checking the proofs together is great, you share the work and the excitement.” James_of_London
22. WIBTJ If I Take My Sister To A Theater Audition?
“My (24f) current roommate ‘Andrea’ (23f) and I have been friends since high school. The summer she graduated high school, my mother (50f) invited Andrea to live with us because her mother was unable to support her.
I was away in college most of the time but for the next couple of years, we all cohabited well. Somewhere two years ago things went south. My mom, who loved having Andrea around, eventually grew bitter towards her, called her ungrateful, and tried to make her out to be lazy.
(I can say with confidence having lived with her in our own apartment for almost a year that this is not true. She’s awesome and works way harder than I do lol.)
Things came to a head last summer when our whole family went on vacation.
Mom was a nightmare to deal with and complained about everything. (She’s got a laundry list of things I could say about her, but that’s too much to unpack right now.) While on the trip, Andrea and I decided to move out, and I told my mom over dinner.
She exploded on me when we got home, felt I had betrayed her, etc etc., and Andrea was never welcome in her house ever again.
Now, only 10 months later, Andrea has started a theater company and is hosting auditions for her first show.
My sister (15f) also loves theater and asked our mom if she could try out. Today my sister sent me this:
‘Ok so I want to audition for Andrea’s show but when I asked mom she said ‘only if she apologizes for lying and admits she was wrong.’ What do I do?
Can one of you help me talk to mom or something?? I would like to go to the audition tomorrow.’
I think what my mom means by ‘lying’ is when Andrea opened up to my mom about feeling stressed, my mother made a comment so bad that I am not allowed to mention it here.
There is A LOT of debate in my family about the way this was worded and what was said, Mom has her story and Andrea has hers. Andrea says Mom said the horrible comment, Mom insists Andrea was lying to me about it and that’s not how it went down.
I’m not asking Andrea to apologize for speaking her truth, she is much better without my mom in her life.
Based on previous conversations with my mom about Andrea, I know she will not budge if I try to convince her to let my sister audition.
I’ve asked my sister to approach our dad about it first, because he doesn’t have a problem with Andrea, but I’m worried he’s just going to let mom get her way and prevent my sister from trying out for something I think would be a good opportunity for her.
If my parents don’t support my sister, WIBTJ for taking her to the auditions anyway? Or should I just let it go?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, your mother is putting her own selfish insecurities above her daughter’s career possibly, at the very least her fun.
It costs your mother zero to let her child do this activity. Andrea in this instance doesn’t even act as your friend that your mom has a problem with, but in an official capacity as this is her job.
If she was a doctor and your sister needed emergency surgery, would your mother refuse if Andrea were to perform it?
I say talk to your sister and your dad about the fallout but give her a ride and support her.
So many people have no real idea what to do with their life, if your sister knows what she wants, her family should help her instead of putting her down.” _SeleNyx_
Another User Comments:
“YWNBTJ
Your mother shouldn’t be punishing your sister for a disagreement between adults, BUT be prepared for some major fallout if you just go behind your mom’s back.
I would try talking to your dad first to maybe get an idea of how best to approach your mom because while you can just shut your phone off at the end of the day your sister has to go home and it doesn’t sound like your mom is above taking things out on her.” InfiniteSpaz
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but I think you need to talk to Andrea first about how, if you do bring your sister, your mom is likely going to be taking out her anger about this on Andrea, not your sister.
If Andrea isn’t willing to invite this danger, then don’t do this or you’ll be a jerk to Andrea.” Kittenn1412
21. AITJ For Being Angry At My Sister-In-Law For Putting Me At Risk Of Having An Allergic Reaction?
“I (26 F) am 7 months pregnant with my first baby and happen to be horribly allergic to peanuts (I’ve gone into anaphylactic shock a few times, mostly when I was younger.)
My husband has been very understanding of this to the point that there are little to no nuts that have entered our house, especially with the baby on the way. This was completely fine until my husband’s sister lost her job and moved in with us, mostly staying at her partner’s place and the guest bedroom but we still had an extra person.
When moving in she agreed and understood my allergy – no peanut butter, peanut oil, or peanuts in general, which admittedly can be a big lifestyle change (you’d be shocked how much stuff I can’t have). The problem arises when I began to find tins of mixed nuts in our SHARED pantry, peanut butter cracker wrappers in the guest bedroom when I went to clean her filthy mess, and freaked each time, making my husband pick it up for me.
My husband had told me he talked to her about this, but it still continued to happen. I would have to wipe down the counters before I made food, avoid certain sides of the pantry, and generally tiptoe around my own house – call me paranoid but I prefer that than potentially miscarrying.
I confronted her about it when I noticed she was very obviously eating a handful of peanuts (IN HER HAND) and then going around touching everything. I told her to stop, clean up and wipe down the things she touched, and throw out all the peanut foods unless she wanted to be kicked out.
She freaked on me and said that I had ‘barely noticed’ and was probably overreacting, saying I had no right to kick her out since I was just a stay at home ‘wannabe’ mom.
I was pretty upset about this and told her to get out, stay with her partner or something while trying to stay away from her peanut-riddled hands.
She said ‘fine’ and started to pack up while screaming at me.
When she finally did, she called my husband and told him to ‘deal with me’, which caused a fight between the two of us. He said that I had EpiPens and that I had reacted severely when I was in my teens, that I was most likely over it by then and to get over myself.
He’s now staying at a hotel – so AITJ?
Update: Husband called me later and apologized for lashing out (he and his sister are twins) and talked about how close the two were so seeing her kicked out ‘without warning’ was upsetting.
The rest of the convo was just him trying to back up what he said and offering to pay for ME to stay in a hotel until his sister got back up on her feet if I’m ‘really that uncomfy around her’ and that ‘I don’t get how hard things are.’ I got angry at him and packed a bag so I’m currently at my parent’s house (my mother also has a severe allergy) while my dad screams at my husband over the phone in the next room.
His entire excuse is that they’ve been together longer. I’ve already begun to contact my lawyer and allergist, thanks to everyone for the advice. SIL and husband have moved back into the house.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ in any way.
You have a serious allergy. AND YOU’RE PREGNANT! You allowed your SIL to live with you with one rule. No peanuts. It would be understandable if she bought something that she didn’t realize had peanuts. But PB crackers and ACTUAL PEANUTS are not a mistake.
This woman cannot be in your house.
The most disturbing fact here is that your husband did not support you. What?? What if your child also has peanut allergies?
I’m so sorry that you are going through this. Your husband should be 100% in your corner here.
His actions are unforgivable. He needs to recognize his error, apologize immediately and do better.
Your child is the priority here and you are rightly doing whatever it takes to protect the little tyke. It’s very disturbing that your husband is not.” Aylauria
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. AT ALL. As someone who also has allergies to peanuts (and other things), I know how scary it can be when you might be exposed, especially when people aren’t even being considerate to ensure no cross contamination occurs.
While some people can live in homes with their allergen, she obviously wasn’t even being careful since you were able to find the items mixed with your things.
Besides any potential effects on the pregnancy, she could have put your life in danger, and I find it alarming that your husband didn’t stand up for you more and that he justifies it because you have EpiPens and are ‘most likely over it’.
Unless you have been tested and done food challenges to prove you are not allergic – you need to keep acting like you are allergic. From my understanding, the effects of EpiPens can sometimes last just minutes, so it is not like it is an automatic cure if an allergic reaction occurs.
I had an ex who accidentally bought an item that had eggs listed as an ingredient (I’m allergic) under the lid. Before he finished cooking, he checked again and right away threw out the food and thoroughly cleaned the kitchen/pot he was using.
He was so apologetic about the entire situation, that’s the standard I would expect if someone could have put my life in danger. I’d suggest your husband stay at a hotel until he truly understands that his sister’s actions could have killed you, which he doesn’t seem to grasp.” Slothy13eva
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your husband is either really stupid or a jerk. Maybe both. I work with a lady who has a severe wheat allergy and she tells me all the time about how dumb people are about allergies.
Fast food places giving her a ‘bunless burger’ that had been on a bun, online grocery orders that offered regular bread as the substitute for gluten-free bread, people not washing their hands after lunch and getting wheat particles on the things they touch, and a bag of flour exploding in the backroom once upon a time, preventing her from being able to go back there for several weeks.
I’m not sure if he understands the gravity of what a reaction could do to you or the baby.
Even if the baby survives the allergic reaction, which could deprive its brain of oxygen, an EpiPen is basically pure adrenaline, which could destabilize the baby’s heart rate.
That’s the same reason you’re not supposed to chug Monsters while pregnant. Not to mention it’s harmful to you, his wife, for the same reason??” mrscheiwe
20. AITJ For Being Mad At My Friend For Ditching Our Plans?
“My friend and I have been planning to go to our first pride parade together for about 5 years but 3 years properly planning.
We’re able to go this year but my friend suddenly told me that they’re going with their cousin and with this club. I don’t like going on trips like when I was in school. I would never go on trips 1) it’s not needed, 2) rather stay home, 3) I feel anxious and paranoid since there are restrictions, such as time limit and all.
So I can’t join that club. I was just really sad, I wanted us to go together, only us two, I think I’m pretty selfish for wanting that part. And it was going to be both our firsts but now I’m not even going since I have no one to go with.
I don’t want to go alone I feel even more paranoid.
I’ve gone numb to it now, so it’s not a big deal but AITJ for being upset over them just socializing with people? I mean I am able to go, I’m allowed to join them all but I’m choosing not to so it’s not their fault, I don’t know, man.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. This was something you two have planned for a long time, so I’m also assuming the friend knows of the fact you wanted it to be a together thing? It was pretty lousy on their part.
If you didn’t tell them you wanted it to be private then I wouldn’t lash out or anything. It’s totally valid to be upset about this though, I would be too. Also, express that to them in the event of another plan.
Like hey, could this be an us thing? Just a thought.” Jazzpizazzz
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – you are never the jerk for having feelings, whatever they are. You are only the jerk if you act on those feelings inappropriately.
I’m sorry this happened to you. It’s completely understandable that you don’t want to go under these circumstances and that you would be disappointed.
Have you told your friend you are disappointed and asked them if they would consider going with you and the cousin on your own trip instead of joining a club?
Would that even work for you?” Aylauria
Another User Comments:
“NTJ for how you feel. That’s a disappointment for you. But that’s a lot of time and people grow and change and I can see why they are excited to go with a group.
It’s not the same as a school trip. Maybe see if you can meet the group prior to see if you feel comfortable around the group.” Delicious_Wish8712
19. AITJ For Not Attending The Party My Mom Planned For Me?
“I do not have a laptop and have been using a lent Chromebook from my school since 2020.
There is a password on it but my mom knows it as well because it is my school-assigned password. This Chromebook was how I do my online work and I used it to apply for colleges as well. I had all my college usernames and passwords automatically saved. I leave my Chromebook at home because I do not need it at school and if I did, I would use the ones the teacher had.
Last month was when colleges were releasing decisions. I came home one day and my mom was smirking and she said ‘I told you to volunteer more.’ It was so out of the blue and I was so confused. And then she goes ‘I saw your -insert uni name- decision but it’s not good news.
Maybe if you listened to me more, things would have been different.’ I got really annoyed and told her that was an invasion of privacy and she told me to stop projecting my rejection onto her.
Since then, I have not talked to her.
I got rejected from 2 other colleges, but accepted into the rest of the colleges I applied for and am going to attend a really good university I got half-tuition off for, which I am really happy about. She was very happy about this one and tried to hold a congratulations party which I didn’t attend.
My dad thinks that everything turned out well and I am being a jerk for ignoring my mom and has asked me to make up with her but I don’t want to. I’m still angry about how she invaded my privacy and treated me with my first rejection.
AITJ?
Edit: The first school I got rejected from was UC Davis which my mom didn’t regard as a hard school to get into so she thought I was pathetic for not getting in. My second decision was also rejection and the entire time, although I was ignoring her, she kept telling me why I didn’t deserve to get in and how all her friends’ kids got in.
The one that I got into and will be attending is USC and I got a half-tuition off scholarship because I was a National Merit Finalist. I received a few side scholarships as well that made USC a really affordable choice for me.
As soon as the USC decision and financial aid came out, all of a sudden I wasn’t pathetic anymore and she started acting so proud of me, posting it on her social media, telling her friends, etc. Our family doesn’t celebrate Easter so she threw a party on that day to congratulate my college acceptance and invited a bunch of her friends and family.
I was never informed about this party until the day of and skipped it because I knew she just wanted to gloat more.
Before she was gloating about my rejection to make me feel bad and now she’s gloating about my acceptance to make herself look good in front of others.
She never apologized and told my dad that the party was her ‘apology’ and I was the one who didn’t attend it and I’m being petty about it. I am going to be paying for college on my own and I’m most likely going to go NC with her as soon as I move out.”
Another User Comments:
“The fact she wanted to rub your face in your ‘errors’ is what stands out to me. People get rejected from colleges for all sorts of reasons – many of which amount to ‘we’re just not a good fit for each other’.
You didn’t need to volunteer more – you got a scholarship to attend a university you’re happy to go to. She just wanted to feel right and superior and for you to feel bad and that’s a truly bad parent, right there.
You’re right – it was an invasion of your privacy. I hope you celebrated your acceptance in a way that made you happy. Because it is a feat worthy of honoring. But it didn’t need to be from her.
I hope that you get many internships that keep you from ever returning home to the hornet’s nest during your college summers.
NTJ.” veggiecoparent
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, your Mom has absolutely no regard for boundaries when it comes to you because to her you’re her daughter and that means you’re not entitled to privacy. I mean seriously, how nosey can you be to use your personal computer to look at your private college registration information?
And for her to then blame you for getting upset at her blatantly violating her privacy shows just how much of a narcissist she is. Congratulations on getting into College and for getting such a huge scholarship as that’s no easy accomplishment!” desolation29
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I can’t understand why she would say something so immature and so mean-spirited. I think the reason that you are still feeling this way about her is it was such a big time in your life for her to be so intentionally hurtful.
She showed you who she was at a pivotal moment. That was so important to you. That you had worked toward for so long. That’s not petty. That’s you realizing that she can really be thoughtless and mean to you without thinking twice about it.
Without even blinking. That’s horrible.
The problem is that when somebody says or does something horrible unless they realize they made a mistake or they want to talk it over with you or they regret something, otherwise, it’s right there between you.
Forever. And they become the person who did it.” mcclgwe
18. AITJ For Causing Issues Between My Brother And His Wife?
“I (19f) am visiting my bro (30). I have twin nephews (3) that we took to the neighborhood park. There was a mom there with her kid and they started to play with my nephews, after about an hour the mom asks my bro about a play date.
He wouldn’t take her number. He gave the woman my SIL’s social media name and said to get in contact with her there.
Out of curiosity, I asked why he couldn’t take her number. He said SIL would freak if he took her number, and she sets up the playdates.
When I asked why he couldn’t he said he didn’t want to step on her toes. So before we left I got the number from the woman and I just texted it to him. He seemed not to notice.
A few hours later I’m playing with the boys and they start fighting because she went through his phone.
So my bro got upset and said I overstepped. Which I understand if he feels that way but he should direct his anger at his wife for going through his phone and that her behavior is toxic. I decided to go stay at a hotel because I didn’t want to cause more drama.”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ
Being family does not excuse you from needing to understand and follow boundaries that your brother and his wife put in place.
You’re upset that his wife is controlling? You’re literally no better because ‘no’ is a full sentence.
He said no. You ignored him and decided to go above his autonomy as a human being and veto his decision. You’re just as controlling then. You couldn’t respect the decision he made, so you made a different one FOR him, undermining his authority and crossing his boundary.
You did the SAME EXACT THING you’re mad at his wife for doing. You just did it in a different way.” RissaRay113
Another User Comments:
“YTJ
I don’t know how you can call your SIL controlling and not spot the blaring hypocrisy while you were typing this out.
He told you NO, you pushed, he gave you a couple of answers as to why he didn’t want to take her number when he didn’t need to give you a reason at all, and then you still took it upon yourself to decide what YOU thought was best for him, did what YOU wanted because you don’t like your SIL, therefore crossing boundaries and causing unnecessary drama.
You don’t know all the details of their marriage. You don’t know what goes on behind closed doors.
Your brother is a big boy. He can decide how he feels about your SIL and how he wants to handle things in HIS marriage.” ConferenceDecent4222
Another User Comments:
“YTJ
Maybe he likes her having that responsibility. Relationships are different for everyone – some spouses go through one another’s phones, and some never do. He took care of the play date by telling her to contact his wife.
Hopefully, there is a lot more that you did not say in the post that leads you to judge their relationship. Ie, you do not say he is not happy so I have to think he is happy and content with his relationship.
And if he is, be happy for him.” crbryant1972
I make the play dates for the kids. Not my husband. I keep the family calendar. I take the kids to friend activities.
17. AITJ For Being Jealous That My Friend Is In A Relationship With Her Crush?
“I (13FTM), and my 2 other friends (13F and 14F) all have a crush at the moment. Both my friend and I were getting closer with our crushes, putting in actual effort to try and befriend and possibly go out with them.
While our other friend tried nothing at all to get closer with her crush, granted she does have crippling social anxiety and overthinks things to an inhumane level but what happened next is the exact reason why I’m jealous.
One random day during science her crush asked for her snap, when we heard she declined we were very confused, why would she deny getting her crush’s snap?
So naturally, as the good friend I was, I took matters into my own hands and added him on snap and texted him what the deal was. A few hours later at home, he responded with resistance, but with a bit of prodding and pushing I found out that this dude liked her back.
Fast forward a week until now, they confessed to each other and talk regularly, and he even asked her out today. Now the reason I’m so conflicted is because I’m accused of being ‘mean’ to her in response to all her luck (I also feel it’s worth mentioning she found 4 4-leaf clovers in 2 days).
But I’m being ‘mean’ because while she’s getting her happily ever after love story, I’m having horrible luck and a less-than-great friendship with my crush. So when my ‘lucky friend’ comes up to me in the morning saying stuff like ‘I’m so happy’, ‘he asked me out’ and ‘we fell asleep on facetime’ it instantly kills my mood and all I can respond with is ‘Oh yeah that sounds nice…’ knowing that I’ll probably never have that, it seriously breaks my heart into a million pieces.
Don’t get me wrong, I’m seriously happy for my friend, she got what I can never get, but how am I supposed to express my excitement for her relationship when I know full well that it’ll never happen to me?
I mean, I try so hard to text my crush, start convos, and even call him to get closer with him. And all she had to do was wait around? It’s just so unfair, why didn’t that happen to me?
It should’ve happened to me, what’d she do that I didn’t? Nothing, that’s the thing, she got her happy ending without doing anything. While I’m out here busting my butt for weeks with no progress. And I’m not afraid to admit it either, I’m so envious of her, very happy for her, but so so envious.
But even I got chewed out for saying that stuff, and now when I respond with a ‘that’s nice…’ that’s not okay either?
I can’t catch a break anymore, even when I say I’m happy for her no one believes it.
Apparently, I can’t say it without bursting with enthusiasm, because when I don’t I’m being ‘mean’?
So, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ… but because you are interfering in someone else’s business. You do not take matters into your hands unless it’s in regards to YOUR life.
Get over your jealousy and focus on your own things.” RideAnotherDay
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. I understand that it sucks to be unlucky when it comes to relationships but you should also try to be happy for your friend.
I got dumped by my longtime partner almost two weeks ago and my best friend just recently go into a relationship. I am not envious at all, I enjoy seeing her happy and I like to tease her. I hope that your friend can also see how you may not be so enthusiastic about her relationship.” FLOOFPOOF101
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Even if it never happens to you (which I highly doubt, cause you are barely starting life), you should feel genuine happiness for your friend. Some people are lucky, some people aren’t. Her success with ‘love’ has nothing to do with your ‘lack of success’, so why would you be mean to her?
It’s childish, which it’s normal for your age. Don’t be so narrow-minded.” andreaali04
16. AITJ For Wanting To Stay In A Bigger Room?
“I (28F) often go on a yearly vacation with my fiancé (30M) and his family. He’s the oldest of three boys, his brothers are 25 and 22 and are both single. His parents often generously pay for a big vacation rental with 4 bedrooms. They prefer we all stay together even though we’ve offered to get our own hotel rooms in the past.
On our last vacation, his parents (obviously) took the master bedroom. My fiancé and I ended up with the smallest, kids’ bedroom that barely could fit the two of us. (All of the rooms were equally beautiful, just different sizes.) I asked my fiancé if we could potentially switch bedrooms with his brother since he had taken a large room that had a bigger bed. I thought it made sense since there are two of us and his brother doesn’t have someone with him.
I didn’t demand or expect anything since I’m on a nice vacation, but I thought it was just common sense. We could hardly fit our two suitcases in the room. (And if his brother had a significant other or kids with him I wouldn’t even ask to switch.)
Well, the youngest brother said yes we could switch, but apparently got so offended and quietly went to his mom to complain that we ‘demanded’ the room. She went off on my fiancé and honestly it all felt like they were children again being scolded by their mom.
My fiancé is the most easygoing person and it was so hurtful that she yelled at him, especially since he’s a grown man. He would sleep on a couch or on an air mattress and it wouldn’t bother him a bit.
I was mortified since we truly did ask nicely, and wouldn’t have even asked if he had such a problem with it. I’m definitely not a high-maintenance person. In the end, we didn’t switch rooms and stayed in the small one.
But his mom and brother were so mad it ruined the entire night.
In my family we divide up the rooms based on age (usually the oldest gets a bigger room) and if you have a significant other or children with you.
This happens on so many of our vacations with his family and I’ve come to see that his youngest brother is truly treated as the baby of the family. AITJ here for causing a fight? I didn’t think it would cause a commotion.
I keep my head down on all vacations now and try to avoid anything like this. But recently I’ve been pushing to book our own private room to avoid his family drama.
(I’d like to add that we always try and give a portion of the house rental money to his parents, and they typically refuse.
So we help in other ways like buying groceries, paying for group dinners and vacation activities.)”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
And as a person who plans group vacations, I try to pick houses that can accommodate everyone (with me getting the master bc YES I will pay for that bathroom).
It gets hard because there are often many ‘kids’ bedrooms with bunks or whatever but many have pyramid bunks or a pullout couch that can convert to a full/queen in one of the rooms. Anyone else can join (Anyone who hasn’t paid for a room) but they better be okay with the couch or bring an air mattress
I may be a bit biased though bc I have grown a disdain for people who try to host things and never think of the people they are inviting. It’s exhausting, to say the least. Like I get it, you want to host and whatever but half these people don’t actually like hosting.
They just want people to show up and have fun and don’t realize they have to put in the effort… like any effort. It’s late. I’m tired so I’m ranting but my point still stands.” enjoyingtheposts
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here.
If I were one of the brothers, I’d be annoyed at a sibling getting a bigger room just because they had a partner. Not only do they get an extra person, but they get a nicer room.
Also as someone who travels solo a lot, the vast majority of hotels I’ve stayed in have double beds.
Small rooms and yes you couldn’t keep 2 suitcases open all the time, but double beds and room for 2 people to squeeze.
Why isn’t MIL getting a place with equal-sized rooms, why is this conversation happening on a recurring basis?
Why aren’t grown adults paying their way?
I’m going on holiday this summer with my mum’s stepfather and 18yo siblings. I’m paying for my flight. I’m paying for my own hotel room (I’m paying extra because it needed to be bigger so my siblings can fit). I had control and picked the hotel room and upgrades I wanted. Paying is the grown-up thing to do, it also gets you a say in the holiday as you don’t have to be slavishly grateful.” Competitive-Proof410
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
I would say if two people are sharing they should get the larger room.
At the very least the smallest room should be rotated between the three sons (and whatever partner they have with them.)
All of the sons are adults.
They are all being treated to a vacation. Your fiancé asked politely. Little brother said yes then went and told a manipulative lie to his mother. That’s pretty toxic behavior.
If it were me, I’d either pay for my own accommodation; or not go on vacation.
I work so I never have to manage other people’s icky behavior because they paid for something.” winsomebunny
15. AITJ For Turning Off The Hot Water From The Sink?
“We are a big family in my house, having hot water running only through solar power. Obviously, we learned to manage it and not waste it so each of us has can shower and use it when needed.
My grandma came to live with us for a while and it is really hard to manage the hot water now. She uses it to clean her hands, face, for her personal laundry, and more. Every time she enters the bathroom, (which happens more than 10 times a day) she opens the water to full power and keeps waiting for it to heat up so she can use it.
We always end up having to shower with cold water.
The water bill also gets really high and we tried reasoning with her many times but she keeps insisting that she doesn’t waste anything and it’s the kids’ fault. We bought her an electrical water heater so she could use it but she still continues to waste the tap’s hot water.
I got really tired of having to take a cold shower so I cut off the hot water completely from the sinks and only left the cold one. She kept asking who removed the hot water and I told her it doesn’t matter anyway since she has an electrical heater she can use.
I thought I was doing the right thing but now I kind of feel evil. What do you guys think?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Does she have dementia? If she doesn’t have any memory issues there’s no reason she can’t learn to share.
She’s even been further accommodated with an electrical water heater.
The fact there were no issues with overuse of the hot water before grandma came says that grandma is the one overusing. It’s pretty rotten of her to blame the ‘kids’ when clearly the kids knew how to share.” winsomebunny
Another User Comments:
“YTJ
It sounds as if no one in the house except Grandma uses hot water for washing laundry or their face and hands, even before Grandma came to live with them.
That sounds like the solar hot water does not produce enough hot water for the household to use for normal daily use.
There are backup systems that can be used to supplement the solar so that there is enough hot water for everyone, all the time. Installing one of these would also eliminate the problem of Grandma wasting water by running it until it is hot.
Grandma is being blamed for a flaw in the system. Everyone has been working around this flaw for so long, it feels normal.” krankykitty
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, it’s your house and your bills. You have every right to put your foot down when a guest refuses to listen.
You’ve provided a reasonable alternative for her and if she refuses to use it then it’s her problem. If your kids can understand conservation of hot water then a fully grown woman should have no problem with understanding it.” Hexcaster505
14. AITJ For Affecting The Dress Code?
“I’ve (23f) worked at this restaurant for 1.5 years. I love my coworkers and managers so it’s genuinely been a good experience.
One of the owners, Todd, will periodically come in, but I have only worked with him a handful of times and don’t have much of a relationship with him besides exchanging greetings.
His wife, Julie, will also come in sometimes but just to eat. I have never been introduced to her, and I couldn’t point her out.
Around 8 months after working at this restaurant, one of the managers approached me to let me know that Julie didn’t like how I was dressing.
My dress code was just jeans and whatever top I wanted as I was hostessing at that point. I guess Julie was really insistent on talking to me about it, but my manager told her that wouldn’t be necessary.
She didn’t want me to wear tank tops which was confusing because some of the servers wear company tank tops. She also didn’t want to see my bra strap which also confused me because I don’t wear them.
She also wanted me to wear longer shirts which I understood, I never had my belly button out but I know in some outfits there would be a little of my torso showing if I were to raise my arms.
I was a little annoyed because I had worked there for a while and had never been told what I wore was inappropriate by any manager or by Todd. I also kind of felt like it wasn’t Julie’s place to comment, but I started wearing body suits with my jeans and had no problems.
I’m now serving and was told the dress code was black bottoms and the company shirts. I typically wear my black jeans or bike shorts like most of the girls I work with.
About a month in, my manager pulled me aside and said that Todd had told him he didn’t want me wearing bike shorts.
I asked if they were see-through or too short, and my manager said no. I was a little taken aback at that point because I had specifically been told to wear bike shorts and had seen all my female coworkers wearing them as well, but I agreed to no longer wear them and my manager said it was fine if I wore my jeans or leggings.
I have no idea how leggings are different than bike shorts but I digress.
I noticed that the other girls were still wearing bike shorts, and it annoyed me because I didn’t understand why only I couldn’t. I complained to a bartender and she said she would speak to Todd because it didn’t make sense to her either.
She basically told him that she hoped he wasn’t singling me out and that if it’s a rule for me, it needs to be a rule for everyone. Now no one can wear them.
I have been feeling pretty guilty that I got them banned because it’s really hot where I live and when you’re running around a restaurant, leggings can even feel pretty heavy.
I feel like the jerk because if I had sucked it up they wouldn’t be banned. I also feel like if Todd had spoken to me himself about why I specifically couldn’t wear them I would’ve respected it.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – I suspect that Todd’s wife is the one who has a problem with you and you are being unfairly targeted. The policy should be the same for all servers, either you are all allowed to wear bike shorts or none of you are.
Normally I would suggest talking to your manager about the issues and how warm it can be but as Todd is one of the owners I am not sure you will get much satisfaction out of such a conversation. Depending on the laws where you are at Todd’s behavior could amount to harassment.
As he is seemingly singling you out, my best guess is based on your looks. It might be time to find another job.” SmallTownAttorney
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, you’re absolutely right that if they’re going to make dress code demands on you then it should be a company thing and not a single individual. That’s discrimination and management can get in a lot of trouble for that.
Also, you’re right that it’s odd that you went a solid 8 months wearing clothes and then all of a sudden it’s an issue? The dress code should’ve been clearly outlined at the time of you accepting the position. I work catering so I feel your pain about wearing heavy clothes when it’s hot out and for the most part, my wardrobe is relaxed unless we work events, and those standards were clearly outlined for me before I started working.” purplebutterfly0615
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Todd didn’t speak to you himself because he was singling you out, that’s what I think. I doubt he wanted to have that conversation ‘I don’t want you to wear bike shorts. I don’t care if everyone else wears them, but you can’t,’ so he passed that job on to someone else.
Most likely Julie had something to say about it. She may even be trying to get you to quit.” disruptionisbliss
13. AITJ For Not Going To My Sister-In-Law's Birthday?
“About 4 years ago my SO and I got invited to a family function about 6 hours away over 4 days. I already had commitments and even though it was assumed we would just attend I said no…
I already have plans and I do not want to travel six hours on a bus (bank holiday so no trains and I didn’t have my car that weekend plus SO doesn’t drive so it would all be me) to a function for a family member (to this day I still have never met this person and still don’t know how they are related to SO’s family).
It was all paid for which was nice but as I said I had plans, I hadn’t actually said I would go, and once I put my foot down and said no it was a huge deal… Got into a huge argument with SO which led me to go to my parents for a few nights.
We patched things up but I explained that I work full time and run a house so my free time and the plans I make are important to me even if they aren’t to SO. Also please bear in mind that SO’s parents are retired and SIL only works part-time so they can plan events for whenever and I will usually make sure I can attend family parties etc, they also live 10 mins up the road.
So cut to today… MIL shows up and explains that it’s SIL’s birthday party this weekend. It’s her 40th which I understand is big but up until today, there hasn’t been anything mentioned, no social media, etc. They want to have a party at a lodge on Sunday… okay.
I kind of have plans this weekend but nothing concrete so I can move things around. It’s at 2 pm… not bad most of the afternoon and early evening… Sounds good. Oh but it’s 2 hours away!!! I’m sitting here thinking… No, I don’t want to go.
It’s not that I don’t like them or don’t want to celebrate but they have no consideration for anyone else’s time, why a Sunday when on Monday I’ll be heading to work for 7 am (which they know) 4 days beforehand so I couldn’t realistically arrange some annual leave.
So it’s 180 miles round trip on a Sunday afternoon where I will have to do all the driving, not be able to drink or celebrate and then drive back in time to get sorted for work the next day. It may not be a big deal but AITJ if I refuse to go?
Even though SO has already said we have to?
Please note I don’t necessarily need the annual leave but driving long journeys makes me somewhat anxious so I like to give myself plenty of time to find routes etc and then time to unwind after (this is after some very unpleasant, very long journeys including 8/9 hours behind the wheel).
It wouldn’t be so bad if we could split driving or if they’d planned it for a Saturday or even a Friday afternoon but I don’t feel like I have to say yes. But I also feel like I can say no.
Edit: if this was my family I do give him the choice of attending things, we have different families and he’s a little more introverted so if he doesn’t want to do big functions he’s not expected to attend. Btw this is the second time in 10 years that I’m saying no.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, BUT you need to understand that his family is going to see this as a ‘pattern’ of you not wanting to come to their events. It would be a reasonable assumption, and their feelings might be hurt.
Your SO might also be upset at you, which would be reasonable. If you can live with those consequences, you’re not the jerk, but if you expect everyone to be totally happy with your continued nonparticipation in their family, then YTJ.” claireofication
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, hopefully, they will start to consider others but I doubt it. Tell SO to hitch a ride on Sunday with his folks and enjoy your day.” User
I wouldn't have gone either. Being gone from 11:30am until who knows when is a deal breaker for me. If it was on a Saturday I'd have gone but stayed overnight to get a good night's sleep. Big out to eat breakfast, leisurely drive home, stopping along the way to go to a sale or stopping to see nature things. I would have made a get away out of it.
12. AITJ For Climbing A Tree At A Park?
“I 15 m love to climb trees and other things.
I’m at the local town park where many families come and there’s a great climbing tree there I sit in it all the time usually with no trouble. Though today a middle-aged lady yelled at me to get out because of the little kids.
I was sitting in ‘my tree’ reading with music playing when she comes up to me.
‘Young lady you can’t be in that tree it’s against the rules.’
‘First ma’am I’m a guy (I’m trans it happens) and second I do this all the time and I know one of the guys who ‘works here.’ They pick up trash and clean, unpaid, there’s no rules against it.’
‘Well, there are young kids who will see you and do the same.’
‘It’s a park. Kids will climb, your kid is literally climbing the equipment right now and has been since before I got in the tree.’
She gets mad and walks away but not before kicking over my bike and leaning against the tree so I get down and sit under the tree and now I’m typing this soo AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“The world is full of these twits who want to impose their rules on everyone else.
This middle-aged lady probably runs an HOA or something where she gets to put people under her thumb and she didn’t like that you wouldn’t do it.
Climb back up the tree and if she tries to vandalize your bike again, record her doing it and give it to the cops.
NTJ” sucksatchess666
Another User Comments:
“This is nuts. First off, if the kids are there with their parents, the parents can be the ones to tell the kids ‘don’t climb in the tree’. That is what parents are for, to enforce the more arbitrary family rules.
I’ve never seen a sign at a city park that prohibited tree climbing. I loved climbing trees as a kid and our son enjoyed it as well when he was younger. Enjoy! NTJ. (p.s.– a paper towel with a little olive oil will get the pitch/sap off your hands if they get sticky).” pdxflwerpwer
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You’re not responsible for what other kids want to do, and it’s the parents’ responsibility to determine if it’s okay for their child to climb trees. This lady is just entitled.” ZestycloseMetal7186
11. AITJ For Asking My Parents To Pay For My Car Maintenance?
“I’m a full-time high school student and am 17. I pay for ALL of my gas and help pay for my car to the best of my ability.
I also pay for a lot of stuff on my own, basically, anything that isn’t a necessity. The issues with my car have been going on since my mom had it in 2019. My car has not been looked at by a professional, not even once, just a scan to confirm the knock sensor issue, and by a friend who fixes cars as a hobby.
I cannot afford to pay for all of the repairs. I can’t work full-time because of school and extracurriculars. However, I’ve expressed my willingness to help save up for it many times.
So, my car’s knock sensor went out in 2019 when the car belonged to my mom (2014 Hyundai sonata… am I right).
She never got this fixed, not even after scanning to see if it was the sensor. On top of this, the car has 114k+ miles on it due to my mom driving it for work like crazy, and she never got it serviced regularly; maybe 3 oil changes since 2017.
After researching a ton, I’ve concluded that it’s probably spark plugs going out (my car gets 15 MILES TO THE GALLON if I’m lucky… it’s a Hyundai), the engine mounts going out (I cannot accelerate without it shaking), and something with my suspension or steering column (my steering wheel rattles like wild).
It hardly goes 55 mph anymore, accelerates like dog poop, and it’s stalled out before. I need a way to get to work, school, extracurriculars, and act/sat/dual enrollment testing, and my car isn’t safe. I’ve almost gotten in so many accidents or dangerous situations because of how bad the car runs.
My family isn’t exactly poor or disadvantaged. my mom just got a new car and is paying for it just fine, my dad chooses to drive an older one, the bills are paid, and we have a bunch of stuff we want, but don’t need. Had this been 5 years ago, I’d understand financial stuff.
However, we aren’t financially disadvantaged anymore, and I’ve offered to help pay. But they just WILL NOT have anyone look at it.
Recently, I’ve been much more vocal about getting it fixed, and my parents just get mad at me when I try to push forward about it more.
I’ve said I don’t feel safe driving anymore, it runs awful, I’m scared to drive, etc., but money is brought up, or it becomes ‘ask your father,’ maybe ‘bring it up later.’
Am I the jerk? I really don’t know anymore.
I try to bring it up politely and I’m extremely grateful to have a car, but I won’t have a car anymore if it keeps running like this, y’know? I feel really guilty because we’ve had monetary issues in the past, but I sometimes feel like my life is in danger when I drive.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your parents are being too hard on you I think, as long as you’re getting good grades and doing everything you’re supposed to be doing and not being lazy I don’t see why not if they have the money… but my take on this as a 25-year-old is to run that thing into the ground.
Don’t get it fixed, stack your money, and the day you turn 18 apply for a credit card, you don’t even have to use it just build up your credit age… and in the meantime save up your money for a down payment on a better car.
A Hyundai with over 100k miles is not a good thing, save up for a decently used car maybe 30-60k miles preferably a Toyota or a Honda, doesn’t have to be anything fancy just something to help build your credit so when you graduate college if that’s the plan you should have it paid off by then and enough credit built up for something very nice… sorry for ranting that’s just my take.” nls726
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. I doubt you really know how financially stable your parents actually are. Save your funds and take your car to a garage to have it evaluated, probably only run ya about $40 to have them tell ya what is actually wrong with it.
Once you figure it out buy some tools and watch YouTube videos on how to fix each item on the list. Most sensors are super easy.
You will save funds and learn valuable car stuff. Your parents are not obligated to fix your car.
Also, 118,000 miles ain’t something on a car these days so no worries there. You don’t need permission to save your money to have it fixed. If you don’t wanna do it yourself save the funds and just take it to a garage and have them fix it without telling your parents.
Time to put your big boy pants on.” mo8414
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, I will give you some life advice that was passed onto me by my dad who was born in the 30s. Learn to work on a car.
At his age, they did not have auto parts stores or the internet. They had a book if they were lucky. He never bought an alternator, he unwound the thing and fixed it. Growing up I bought my very first car, a VW golf.
I did all the maintenance on it because I was a high school student with a beer fund.
You can literally find out how to repair your car in the time it took me to type this. When you get a bit older and advance in your career then sure, pay to get that oil changed. My daughter learned to swap plugs at the age of 6, last month at the age of eleven she helped me swap a blown head gasket in my Jeep.
Took us four hours and about 30 bucks. If you can follow instructions you can repair a car and it is a vital skill.” x22sm
10. AITJ For Arguing With My Husband About Contact Photos?
“My husband bought a new phone last week. Before that he used to have one of those old phones that didn’t have many features. I was happy for him and helped him learn how to use some features he’s never seen before.
Yesterday morning. I couldn’t find my phone before I went to work. I woke him up to ask him to call me so I could find it but he handed me his phone and told me to do it myself.
I took his phone, opened the call log, and searched for my contact number. I saw that he had a picture of me (my face) for my contact photo. I was mad and I woke him up again to ask why he did it.
He said it was normal and he did it with his family and friends even. I told him I didn’t give him permission and he should’ve asked if I was comfortable with having my picture there. He said I have a ton of pictures of him on my phone but I keep them in a hidden app so no one sees them and this way, I’m protecting his privacy.
Besides, I got his permission for every single picture before saving them.
I demanded he removes it but he fought back and said I’m being bossy and controlling. I told him my face was in there, he again said it wasn’t a huge deal and that I should chill.
I snapped and said I wasn’t going to let him convince me to be okay with my privacy being violated. He said ‘get out, it’s not like I put inappropriate photos in there’ but still. We fought some more and he removed the picture then kept pouting and venting about how I keep trying to dictate how he lives and what he does and said it’s become too much.
I live in an area far from home and I don’t know anyone here yet and I was worried if he loses his phone, my info will be linked to my photo.”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. It seems as though your husband actually cares about you and enjoys being reminded of you throughout the day when he sees your picture on his phone.
If you’re so concerned about privacy, I’d like you to try and think of every photo you’ve inadvertently seen on a stranger’s phone while in public.
If you can’t think of any instances like this or if you can think of one but you can’t remember the exact photo or who was in it- your ‘privacy’ concerns aren’t valid and I feel like you might be using it as an excuse rather than addressing the real issue, whatever that may be.” Madison_M_M
Another User Comments:
“YTJ
This is a completely normal thing for people to do. If you had simply waited until he was awake and said ‘Hey, I know this is a weird request, but could you please remove my contact photo on your phone?
The idea that it could get stolen and they’d be able to tie my face to a number makes me anxious,’ that would have been fine. You are allowed to ask for something like that, but you’re acting like he should have known when you’re the one asking for something unusual.
You woke him up angrily and started accusing him of violating your privacy. You turned what could have been a simple request into the most confrontational situation it could be.” Extension_Ad_972
Another User Comments:
“YTJ, not because of the reason but the way you handled it.
If it’s something you’re uncomfortable with and he doesn’t know that simply tell him and ask him to remove it. It sounds like this situation escalated where it didn’t need to and you should have taken a moment to collect yourself before you confronted him about it.
You’re well within your rights to be uncomfortable, and it’s an entirely different situation if he knows you are uncomfortable and does it anyway. But you have to set those boundaries before he can know whether or not they’re being crossed. At the end of the day, it’s not a huge deal one way or the other, so if you explain and ask him to remove it IMO he should.
But you should not assume he can read your mind and guess that you would be uncomfortable.
I highly suggest apologizing for snapping and asking to sit down and explain why having your picture there makes you upset, be honest about how you feel, and do not be mad about a boundary being crossed if no one knew it was present in the first place.” ihateusernameskillme
Guess what? If someone gets his phone and goes through his contacts they will have access to your contact information.
Your number, name, email-especially if he has an email app. They'll have access to his pictures and gallery. Private messages. Every aspect of his life, they'll have access to.
Your reaction is peculiar and over the top.
9. AITJ For Wanting To Be With My Partner Despite My Family's Objections?
“I’ve (30M) been in a 3-year long-distance relationship with my (29F) partner.
Due to various reasons, we have met only once each year since first meeting. At first, I didn’t include my family in my relationship out of privacy and embarrassment.
My parents and little brother live with me, I am the sole breadwinner taking care of them.
They found out about my relationship after a couple of years through the g*******e. I didn’t participate in my engagement with my partner either with my family. I regret not informing them sooner as this would have saved me many headaches with my family and partner.
Late last year, my partner bought a ticket to come to visit me. My family pressured me into telling my partner to cancel her trip to break up with her. I succumbed to their pressure. Their reasons were that she controls me, my finances, she is too old for me, too ugly, not good enough, her profession (kindergarten teacher) and income, and disapproves of her family (she comes from a poor, single-parent home).
Through all of this, I have been planning a business with my older sister. She threatened last year to not be my business partner if I continued with my relationship.
Earlier this year, I got back together with my girl.
I visited her last month for 1 week against my family’s wishes although with their assurances that they would not intervene. This month I had 2 weeks of paid time off where I planned to stay at my partner’s place (she’s not on PTO).
Throughout all this, I have been working on my business, filling out all the necessary paperwork, creating the business plan, searching for contractors, buying equipment, etc (my sister has not contributed at all financially, but has promised to contribute to 50% of the buildout and space rent).
Finding a contractor for the build-out has been difficult and I had to buy a new plane ticket with a later departure date to meet with several contractors. After multiple dead ends, I found one who seems ideal, unfortunately, he could not meet me prior to my new departure.
I have spoken to the contractor and described my ideas, providing him with a rough sketch and the flyer for the space. I recognize that ideally, I should meet the contractor in person. I told my partner before my departure that I wouldn’t make it, which upset her and she stated that again I was succumbing to my family’s pressure as I had done last year.
She said she understood my situation but that she was tired of dealing with me and my family.
I made the decision to visit and travel with my partner for 10 days. My family accused me of prioritizing my partner over the business and that I am not focused on the business.
My sister then stated that she would have to meet the contractor instead of me and stated that all her confidence in me was gone. I informed her that I could follow up with the contractor and any other business issues while away, which she said I couldn’t.
I feel that no matter what decision I took, I would upset someone. I feel terribly guilty in all of this.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Of course your family doesn’t like her, they see her as the end of their free ride.
You need to decide on some boundaries with your family and enforce them.
Your sister needs to pony up some contributions to your joint business now because it sounds like she’s positioning herself to provide nothing using the excuse that you have to prove you’re committed to the business.
You also have to prioritize your partner over your family if you want to continue being in a relationship. After the first breakup, I wouldn’t have taken you back so you have a rare second chance. Don’t blow it.” TreeCityKitty
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, you are a grown man. Do yourself a favor, focus on YOUR business WITHOUT your sister (trust me on this, you can do it on your own and you do NOT want to have to let her make decisions for YOUR business.)
Then cut the strings. You’ve financially supported your family enough. Focus on your business, they need to support themselves. They made that decision when THEY decided they had any right to interfere in your relationship.
Give them 10 days, or whatever is fair to you, and make it very clear that they are on their OWN after that.
Make very clear they did this to THEMSELVES by trying to tell you who you can have in your life.” Tricky_Dog1465
Another User Comments:
“If she makes you happy, then don’t listen to anyone else. I get family is important, but if you are as serious about this girl as enough to propose, then you should know you’re going to be starting your own family with her.
Your parents and siblings should have a limited amount of influence in your personal life.
From the position you’re standing, you are letting them steamroll you into doing everything for them. Do what’s best for you and make yourself happy.
NTJ.” WhacksOffWaxOn
8. WIBTJ If I Let My Significant Other Go Home Alone?
“A friend of mine is having a wedding across the country and my friends and I have been saying how we want to travel around the area and hike/camp after the wedding.
My SO was invited with me to go but the only problem is that my friends want to hike/camp for a day or 2 while we’re out there after the wedding.
She isn’t liking the idea of wanting to do that, which I completely understand, the idea to have to spend a day or 2 hiking and camping and then drive around after isn’t appealing to everyone, especially in her case where it’d be me and my 2 guy friends.
The hiking part is fine but the camping adds a bit more stress to the situation in regards to equipment and food. She feels like it’d be better where the trip is just only for hiking and camping and not mixed in with a wedding and seeing the city.
So my SO is saying she may just go back home, a day or 2 after the wedding before the camping. I feel like this way would be easier since we’d still have the stuff to do 2 days before the wedding and some stuff to do after.
She says and acts like she’s fine with it and then will say something like ‘or you could just have them go camping and we go off’ in a joking way.
So I can tell from that that she’s secretly hoping I back out of the camping and we do our own thing.
But I do want to do this, my friends and I talked about wanting to do it for a while.
But now with me getting vibes that she wants me to back out of camping and my mom saying it seems wrong of me to have her go home early by herself and worried what her parents would think of me, I feel like I’m in a lose-lose situation where either my SO gets potentially upset for going early or I ditch my friends after talking about doing the trip.
So now with my mom hinting I would be the jerk after already feeling guilty about it, I feel like I would be the jerk for staying behind while she goes home early.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ! You invited her and she said no!
You are allowed to do things on your own with friends, it’s healthy! These little remarks she says are passive aggressive and I would be annoyed. Tons of people travel alone, I don’t see the problem with that.
You have different interests than her, and are not forcing her to join.” HistorySweet9902
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. I understand this camping idea fell together but you took your partner on a trip to a wedding. You need to finish the trip you took her on and take her home.
Your mom is right. If my partner took me out of state for a wedding trip and then changed it and made me fly back alone, I would not be happy.” Delicious_Archer_273
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She was invited and declined. You have every right to still go and if the tables were turned people would call you controlling by trying to make her not go.
It’s not even a separate trip but just an add-on to an existing one she is part of. It’s important to keep friends and have your own experiences without your partner.” skorforsure
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here – I say this because it seems like you two have not had an honest conversation about what you both want.
Absent some special circumstances, there is nothing wrong with wanting to spend a couple of days with your friends. And if your SO doesn’t want to do that, adults fly alone all the time, so I don’t see an issue with that.
But, are you choosing to camp with your friends instead of spending time in the area with your SO? Could that be the issue?
You are never going to be able to resolve this without each of you being direct and forthcoming about what you want.
This is good practice for the many things that will come up in any relationship. You are just guessing here at what she wants and she is being passive-aggressive. This is a recipe for total disaster. Who knows? If you guys actually talk about this, maybe you can resolve it.” Aylauria
7. AITJ For Being Mad That My Friends Did Not Come To The Emergency Room With Me?
“I was on a trip with some friends this weekend. To be fair I think I may have been a bit of a burden cause I got tired often and my knee would hurt so they would have to slow down to pick up my pace.
Today (the last day) I twisted my ankle and it didn’t seem like much at first so I stood up after a bit and kept going with my day. But on the way back, between buses, it started to hurt while walking so they had to slow down again because of me.
When we finally arrived at our home city my ankle was swollen and hurt so much that I couldn’t really walk so I took a taxi and came right to the hospital. They helped me get into the taxi to get to the ER and then went home.
We are all international students so I literally had no one else who could come for support. I was very anxious so I didn’t really think of asking for help. When I got to the ER I called my mom and she was annoyed that none of my friends came with me.
After talking to her I realized that it was kind of rude. To some extent, I get that they were tired and the ER is a long wait (still here) but if it had been someone else I would have offered and insisted to go with whoever got hurt.
I sent a text in the group chat when one of them asked how I was doing and I said that I felt sad that none of them came with me. At the same time, I feel like I’m making them feel bad while acting entitled. AITJ for telling them?”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. You would be the jerk if you continue to guilt them over this, however. If it didn’t bother you then, it’s probably not worth hassling them over. Just tell them you could use more support next time, it doesn’t hurt to ask for help.” mps435
Another User Comments:
“YTJ – a little bit. You aren’t in a life-or-death situation, or even critically injured, so you will be awake, alert, and able to make all your own decisions. Your injury is a low priority in an ER – so you will be waiting around for a very long time.
WHY would you need anyone else to babysit you? Plus hospitals really don’t want extra useless people hanging out there. As long as you are able to get a ride home, no one else is necessary. Yes, it would have been nice if they had been more caring and offered to come.” TrainingDearest
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here, it is common courtesy to accompany someone (friend, family) to the emergency room. Even if they couldn’t have come in, they could have driven you there, wheeled you up in a wheelchair (they do have those outside most hospitals), and then gotten you settled into the ER to wait.
Then you could have called them to get you back when you were done.
However, maybe they weren’t instilled with these courtesies when they were growing up…” NotShockedFruitWeird
Another User Comments:
“YTJ for sending it in a group chat. I know my best friend from college drove me to the ER once in college because he offered to, but I didn’t make my other friends feel bad for not doing that.
Especially today, I’m not about to do that for all of my friends and I certainly am not going to respond to a group chat guilting me about not doing that.” Substantial-Ice-7340
6. AITJ For Making A Comment About My MIL's Bragging Issue?
“So, my mother-in-law is always bouncing from job to job, can’t hold down a job for anything more than like a year… yet still manages to land well-paying jobs… she is constantly bragging about how much money she will be making at this or that new job, rubs it in peoples faces and just straight up enjoys gloating about her proposed income.
Well, the other day I made a comment along the lines of ‘oh yeah she likes to brag about the money she will make in a year but can’t even hold down the job for a whole year’. To which my husband was like oh that’s rude, that’s not nice, blah blah blah… he doesn’t seem to think that her going around bragging about her pay is rude though but my comment is.
I guess it just comes down to how differently we were raised, but I was always taught that announcing and bragging about your income level and tax bracket was rude and unnecessary.
While I do think I should have held my tongue, I just don’t feel like I’m the only jerk here but maybe I am who knows…”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. It was a snide remark. Just because something is true it doesn’t necessarily need to be said. You were bringing yourself down to her level.” 4682458
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You just have to let people like her ramble on.
She’s getting older and it’s the best thing for her to do to feel better about herself.” OGwiggum
Another User Comments:
“Ehhh. YTJ, minor league. What she is saying really shouldn’t have much effect on you. Save complaining about your MIL to your husband for times when she does things that are actually detrimental to you.” nannylive
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here. Just because she comes across as rude to you doesn’t justify you being rude about her behind her back. I’d be annoyed if my husband talked about my mother like that.” imjusthereforaita
5. AITJ For Neglecting My Studies?
“I’m (F19) a student in nursing college. Just to say right away that I didn’t have a good relationship with my parents. I was a rebel child and always got punished for things, taken my social media away, etc. But I was not the jerk kid type.
I always did my best to do what my family wanted me to and always wanted them to accept me (they come from strict conservative homes). Before I continue let me tell you a little about my school. I take one anatomy course for 14 weeks straight, learning 12 body systems back to back which would make around 1 week per system that is covered within 2 lectures.
It is not your basic biology/anatomy course in high school, it is a microscopic and chemistry anatomy type. The other school my friend goes to takes 3 body systems and distributes them for 14 weeks; repeat until all are learned.
Now about the program.
In the first semester you take 7 courses, 5 out of them are mandatory to move to the next semester and continue studies. I was a very good student and got high marks in 6 of those courses; one being anatomy that I miserably failed. Talked to my parents, and decided to take another semester of 4 courses 1 of which was anatomy to re-do.
Now, what I’m about to say is not me trying to justify what I do and how things turned out, just to give you an idea.
Half of the students in my class were from the previous anatomy class. School itself is one of the worst to study nursing in.
I also did my best to do well in it but again, failed it along with 80% of the other students. Now comes yelling, screaming, and crying in the family. I took this semester once again with a psychology course and… not doing well in it.
The same kids are in my semester from the very beginning. I got a tutor, paid for it myself, did sessions, paperwork, etc. Anything to try to do well.
Towards the end, I just felt hopeless. I already struggled with depression and s/h and this was one of the worst times of my life.
I didn’t want to continue anatomy, I did not want to look at the school website, didn’t want to look at the textbook. Did not want to have anything associated with the pure nightmare I was going through.
My mom just said if I dare to fail it, I’m going back to my hometown where I haven’t been in for 8 years.
I don’t want to. I want to work with kids, I want to draw and animate, do theater, and find a stable income (while keeping the aforementioned as hobbies). Nursing at first seemed like a good idea and I did well at first. I am lost and don’t know what to do with myself and how to move forward.
AITJ?
UPDATE: I live with my parents, have an income, help pay the bills/food, and pay for school myself.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Things happen and it’s awful to add a harsh reaction to an already hard situation. It seems you have worked hard and so you shouldn’t feel bad if you don’t get the results you were hoping for
I hope things work out for you.” goldarkrai
4. AITJ For Telling My Mom She Has To Leave Her New Family To Reconcile With Me?
“I am now 22M, when I was 19 I found out that my mom (39 now) had an affair and got pregnant with twins (2M). I was hurt by this because I always had a different image of who my mom was and saw my parents’ marriage as ‘the perfect one.’ She left my dad and married her affair partner who was her boss.
I have to acknowledge that even if she was under no legal obligation to ‘house me’ she attempted several times to make me be part of her family, meet her husband, spend time with them, join for holidays, and even invited me the last Christmas to go to Austria with them (her husband’s native country) but I declined every time because I just don’t feel comfortable with it.
I don’t want to meet her husband or her sons, but she seems not to understand and texts me almost every day to ask how I am. Last year, I told her that it’d be better if we just go NC because every time we meet I hurt her, and she hurts me because when I look at her face, I see nothing but her betrayal. But even though she and her husband keep insisting; they send me gifts, cards, texts, etc.
So I haven’t seen my mom in 6 months, I don’t usually reply to her messages, I love my mom very much but I can’t just separate her betrayal from her new family. I’ve tried to understand why she did what she did.
I know she owes me no explanation but I’ve opened up and asked her if she was mistreated by my dad, or if she was unhappy, or unsatisfied (which I know is an important thing). I’ve asked her these things to see her affair differently and see it as her happiness and maybe I want to be part of that happiness too but she just refuses to talk about it, so I told her once, ‘Fine if you refuse all I can see is a petty woman who didn’t care about her marriage nor what her son thought’; It hurts how she betrayed my dad who was a perfect husband and dad (as far as I know but she doesn’t want to talk).
My birthday was two weeks ago, I didn’t invite her and didn’t know she was going to show up, she came with a car as a gift from ‘MY family’ and she seemed surprised about the party. She asked to stay and I said OK.
When everything was over she was seemingly upset and started asking me why I hate her, I don’t hate her but it’s just hard to be around her, and then she stated that she wants me to be in her life, so I said:
‘You want to have a relationship with me again? Fine, divorce your husband and disown your sons.’ This was, of course, a joke, I’m not expecting her to do it, I don’t even want her to do it and I know she won’t do it because she doesn’t have to do it.
She started crying and called her husband to pick her up, her husband arrived (the first time I met him) and called me the jerk for being so rude to my mom, everyone even my partner calls me the jerk.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. This was a betrayal and she is refusing to acknowledge that or respect and address your feelings on the matter which is something she needs to do if she wants to have a relationship with you.
It sounds like you’ve given them this opportunity but she has rebuffed any serious talk and just wants the relationship to go on, which it can’t because the feelings of hurt and betrayal aren’t going anywhere without a lot of work, and it doesn’t sound like she’s willing to put in that work.
She kept pushing and you kept gently rebuffing, and finally, she pushed you into snapping back at her. You’re NTJ because you tried not to be the jerk until she pushed you into being the jerk. That’s on her.” Lycanthro_1433
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I think it’s obvious it was not a serious request (although I wouldn’t call it a joke more like exasperation that she’s not accepting your position). I think actions have consequences and her affair brought you to a place where you don’t want a relationship with her.
If she had simply got divorced and then started going out and married her boss and had kids would you still have a problem?
It seems like your problem is the betrayal of her family without caring what it would do to you or your dad.
I think that’s reasonable. If you don’t want a relationship and have articulated it on what seems like numerous occasions then her continuing to push it was only ever going to end badly. You can’t force someone to want you to be a part of their lives, be yeah I’m sure your mom’s feelings are really hurt but only you get to decide who you want in your life.” Katreborn
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You were badgered and said something crass. I agree with your overall premise. If your mother wants a relationship, you have the right to decide what the terms of that relationship are. For some people, it’s Christmas presents and birthday calls and for OP it’s an explanation.
If your terms are that she must explain so that you can decide if she can have a relationship with you, then those are the terms. You don’t get to negotiate. You don’t get to bypass and try and get what you want without meeting the terms.
She needs to explain so he can decide essentially if his mother, as an adult woman and not in relation to him in the parent-child dynamic, is the kind and quality of human being he wants to be in a relationship with.
If I had a friend who was unfaithful to their husband, had kids, and couldn’t tell me why they did that, I wouldn’t be their friend anymore.
OP is basically looking at his mother as an equal bc he is an adult.
If this adult wants to be in a relationship with OP, another adult, they need to meet the criteria for the quality of human being that OP feels is required to be in a relationship with him. He cannot decide if she is the quality of human being he wants to be in a relationship with until he finds out her motives for what looks like terrible behavior.
This is completely reasonable. Take the mother-son part out bc this is really a conversation between a 20-something and a 40-something adult. Do these adults want to be in a relationship is the question at hand.” User
3. AITJ For Not Inviting My Mom Friend To Events?
“I (f27) have a close friend who I’ve known since college.
Out of our entire friend group, she’s the only one with a child. I try to invite her out as much as possible just so she doesn’t feel like we’ve turned our backs on her now that she’s a mother.
She reached out to me saying that she wanted to do something for her birthday but needed a few ideas. I didn’t mind helping so I suggested a few restaurants/lounge spots and she chose one that she liked. Keep in mind, that this friend has a history of canceling and/or making excuses as to why she can’t come.
For the record, she does co-parent with her child’s father who is involved in the child’s life so he can watch the kid in the event that she’s busy.
Anyway, the day for her bday celebration arrives.
Reservations are at 7. I text her around 4:30-ish recommending that we all leave early to avoid traffic. She lets me know that her car had broken down and that she was in the process of getting a tow. While I did care, it was obvious that I was frustrated. Just because I’d run across town to get her birthday balloons, a gift, etc just to make it a special day only for her to bring this up last minute.
Long story short, I ended up just canceling because she let me know that she wasn’t going to be able to make it. She was suggesting last-minute ideas but by that time, I was over it.
Well, the next day she texted me and said that I’d hurt her feelings because I didn’t show concern for her car issue, which she’d had to pay a lot for.
She also denied being a flake, saying that most of the time she is able to make it however she’s only crucified for the times she is not. I apologized for making her feel that way but she never apologized for wasting my time and consistently being a flake.
I really don’t think I was wrong and I’m probably not going to invite her to events moving forward. AITJ for this?
Edit: As for her trying to come up with last-minute options, keep in mind she wouldn’t have had transportation.
All of our friends were already on their way to the birthday celebration which means that I would’ve had to tell them to head to yet another spot and also drive to get her which would have inconvenienced them.
This is why I declined! Also, keep in mind, that this is not the first time she’s flaked or used car issues as an excuse. This is a common occurrence.”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ – From what I can understand here, your friend has a small child.
The father is involved but does not live with them. You do not seem to have much empathy for her struggles. It is hard when friends cancel, but could she really control her car breaking down? If you care about your friend, have a talk with her about how you can minimize cancellations.
But if you just don’t care, then let the friendship fade naturally. Then she can find people who don’t blame her for inconveniencing them by having her car break down.” Aylauria
2. AITJ For Not Wanting To Change My Wedding Venue?
“My fiancé and I have been engaged for about 6 months and have recently decided where we want to get married; on a cruise in summer 2024.
We’ve cruised before and really like it and it costs less than doing a wedding in the town we live in. If we do it where we live, we’d pay separately for everything whereas on the cruise it’s a whole package for between $3500-5500 depending on what location we choose.
Of course, there are upgrades but the base package has a lot of what we want.
I told my parents yesterday of our decision (they’ve never cruised but LOVE the beach) and told them the save the dates will be out in a few weeks.
They’re not involved much in the process and that’s fine with me. Idek if they’re contributing financially (are able to, just haven’t had that talk).
I asked stepmom what my dad thought about it and his response via her ‘well, I have two years to decide to get on the ship or not.’ He’s missed out on a lot and I thought for sure he’d be there like he’s been for both my older brothers for their weddings.
Both of my brothers and SIL most likely won’t go because of stipulations by the cruise line/international travel. No other of my family would be going, just siblings and parents.
I’m really upset to think that my dad won’t be there to walk me down the aisle and that I won’t be potentially able to share this day with my brothers.
I told my fiancé I’m not changing my mind on the venue… but AITJ for not making it ‘easier’ for them?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You can choose to be married anywhere you want. But you cannot be mad at anyone who chooses not to go.
Some people do not want to spend thousands of dollars. Some people’s idea of a terrible time is to be stuck on a cruise ship. Some people don’t want to spend several days in a floating petri dish.
Plan the wedding you want.
Have a great time. Be disappointed, that’s fine. But don’t hold a grudge. Celebrate with your dad when you get back.” Aylauria
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. It’s your wedding and you get to decide where you want to have it.
Your brothers are not jerks for being unable to attend due to the stipulations and your father isn’t a jerk if he isn’t comfortable with attending based on the fact that you are getting married on a cruise ship.” AdministrationThis77
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but having a wedding on board a cruise ship will cause a lot of people not to go. Before 2020, my BFF planned a wedding on a ship (well, you know the actual ceremony takes place in the cruise terminal in an office).
The plan was her and fiance, me & sibling, her sister & husband, her brother & his wife, her neighbor & wife, and one other couple. One by one, they dropped out due to finances. Eventually, the cruise and ceremony were canceled there.” NotShockedFruitWeird
Another User Comments:
“YTJ
Cruise ships are completely different animals. They are Petri dishes of diseases. The fear of something happening and you drowning or being caught on fire. I have worked on a cruise ship and it’s not for everyone.
If it’s what you want go for it. If your dad decides not to come you need to respect his decision without being mad. That’s a lot of money and hoops you have to go through for something you’re not sure you’re going to enjoy even for your child’s wedding.” Prize_Patience_2552
The other parties costs wouldn't be that high because they wouldn't be paying for the wedding, just their own rooms, right?
One can choose to stay in the least expensive rooms and save. All their food and transfers and stuff would be included in their bill.
I think I would sit down with each sibling and parent with costs written out, with various levels of room costs. Getting to the port is also a cost. We would drive if possible. I've never flown.
I think putting it out there with a final cost is a good way to alleviate worries that it won't be affordable.
1. AITJ For Wanting My Partner To Taste My Cooking Without Ketchup?
“I (33F) and my significant other B (33M) have lived together for 5 years, I do 95% of the cooking. Lately, we’ve been more health conscious so I’m putting a lot of effort to plan nutritious meals that are not processed. B loves ketchup probably more than the average person.
He’ll have ketchup on any meat for dinner. A few times over the years when I’ve put extra effort into making food from scratch I’ll ask him to just try some without ketchup because I really want him to taste all the effort I put into the flavor.
He declines and I just kind of laugh/shrug it off.
But the other night I made this incredible stew. Honestly, it was so good and took 4 hours to come together with many steps and layers of flavor. As we were getting our bowls he brought out that massive bottle of ketchup and just douses the stew in it.
I say ‘babe can you please just try one bite without the ketchup – this literally took me so long to make I just want you to taste it without the ketchup.’
He says he can still taste the stew and this is how he likes his food with all the ketchup.
I reiterate that I’m not asking him to eat the whole bowl without ketchup I just literally want him to try one bite so I can feel like he can really taste and appreciate all the effort I put into it.
This went back and forth another time and then resulted in him getting visibly angry – he said to stop trying to control him and he doesn’t have to try a bite without ketchup if he doesn’t want it.
So AITJ? I literally am not asking him to stop having meals without ketchup – it would just make me feel appreciated that he humored me for one bite after all the time and effort I put into homemade meals.”
Another User Comments:
“I mean, technically YTJ – you shouldn’t be trying to control what other people eat. (I get that you just wanted him to try one bite, but still…) But you’re not wrong about his palate, and now you know how cooks and chefs feel, for example, when they grill up a nice steak and then some dork pours ketchup all over it (or worse, A1 steak sauce).
Lol, some people like to ruin their food that way and I can’t explain it either.
BUT, that doesn’t give me the right to criticize. Fine, he doesn’t appreciate good food. Just leave him alone about it, and honestly only put the effort into cooking that you want to.
Maybe just do it for you and not for him, and if you don’t feel like doing it for you, don’t do it. I personally like to cook up dishes I find delicious, and if someone else ruins their plate with excess sauce or whatever, that’s on them and I literally never pay attention to it.
I’m going to settle with NTJ because you didn’t do anything egregious here. Neither is he, although I question his taste in food. But this probably isn’t worth fighting over.” Karma_1969
Another User Comments:
“NTJ: it is not unreasonable to expect a thirty-something to try their food first without adding condiments.
Actually, it’s pretty much a societal expectation. I would be upset if my partner refused to even try my food without ketchup or refused to do something out of their comfort zone (which wasn’t physically dangerous) in general to please me… and vice versa.” StunnedinTheSuburbs
Another User Comments:
“Soft YTJ. Your significant other is never going to not want to eat everything smothered in ketchup. It seems this is more about feeling underappreciated, like his act of putting in the ketchup is a slap in the face.
You put a lot of effort into the cooking and do basically all the cooking and it’s going unacknowledged. But also does he ask or require you to put in the effort?
As a chef, I find it abhorrent and offensive to add ketchup or anything to a meal that required a lot of effort after I’ve made it.
BUT I’m not going to stop someone from doing it. I would just put way less effort into their food since they don’t seem to mind anyway. Or ask them to cook for themselves. If your partner doesn’t have the courtesy to show appreciation it probably means he doesn’t perceive cooking as any kind of effort that needs acknowledging.
He doesn’t understand or care. If someone is of that opinion, stop trying! He’s not going to change and he doesn’t have to. Let it go or go out with someone else.” alycestone89
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here.
It is bad manners to immediately sauce or season food someone else made for you without even trying it first.
But even still… What is with so many people getting so invested in what’s on other people’s plates? If he’s only tampering with the portion on his plate and not touching the main portion/leftovers then you ultimately should just ignore it and move on.
Stop making a big deal about what other people eat, if it’s not going in your mouth then it doesn’t really matter (health and safety exceptions do apply).” SnakesInYerPants
