People Insist That We Hear Their Side Of Their "Am I The Jerk?" Stories
17. AITJ For Threatening To Kick My Cousin Out If She Refuses To Mind Her Own Business?
“I (26F) have a lovely husband (28M). I’m a stay-at-home mother to our little boy who’s six months old and my hubby works as a lawyer.
Unfortunately, my husband used to suffer from a restrictive eating disorder.
He’s struggled for most of his life and as his wife, I want to help him recover. So, I make him lunch to take for work. I usually pack him a variety of foods like a tub of fruit, the main meal which is usually pasta or rice, meat, and a few snacks.
It’s definitely too much for one person to eat at work, but the idea is that there’s a variety of foods for him to try so if he isn’t feeling the pasta, he can try the meat or the fruit.
When he gets home, I usually feed whatever is left over to either our cat or dog (only if it’s safe for them), eat it myself, put it in the compost, or occasionally throw it away.
I try not to waste food but it happens sometimes.
My cousin, (25F), is currently staying with me. She moved in because the lease on her apartment ended and she couldn’t find a new place within her budget range so now she either needs to relocate or get a higher-paying job.
She contributes to our expenses by giving us $300 a month. She shares groceries with us and she’s generally pleasant to have around. My little one loves her.
She’s very annoyed about my lunch system with my husband.
She thinks it’s wasteful and she thinks he should either come home for lunch or buy lunch outside. I’ve told her that it’s none of her business.
This morning, she saw me packing my husband’s food.
I made him pasta with steak fingers, two sandwiches, and a fruit salad plus a few snacks. She started saying that I was babying him and that a grown man shouldn’t need a whole variety of foods just to get him to eat.
I replied ‘back down’. I wasn’t about to get into an argument at 6 am after suffering a whole night of insomnia. She continued and said it was extremely wasteful and selfish of us to be doing this because some people can’t afford food right now and here I am babying a grown man.
She’s aware of my husband’s eating disorder by the way. I replied ‘shut up or I’m kicking you out, I don’t have the energy for this’. She shut up and went back to her room.
She left for work two hours later.
I then received a phone call from her mother, my aunt, calling me evil and selfish for threatening her living arrangement security over a minor disagreement.
I told her that her daughter was butting into my business with my husband and she was overstepping. I received another phone call from her twin brother saying that I was being a jerk for threatening his sister when she was going through a difficult time.
I know I’m not wrong for being irritated but I may have handled it wrong. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ… you’re doing what’s best for your husband and you. You’re also doing her a favor.
She offered her input multiple times and you set a boundary. She continues to push that boundary and you snapped. Though it’s not okay necessarily to hold the favor of letting her stay, especially since she is paying, over her.
I would sit her down when she’s home, talk it over, and say that though you appreciate her concern you and your husband are doing what’s best for you two and she should respect it and stay out of it.
She doesn’t have to agree or like it. Also maybe establish notice, etc cuz it’s never nice to feel like you could be kicked out of your home in a snap.
Next time your family calls tell them your cousin is threatening your husband’s recovery as well as the peace and sanctity of your home.” RLuna911
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If your cousin was the one with the eating disorder and your husband was the one making comments like this your entire family would be up your butt about him being an awful person.
Also, the line that really got me was ‘because some people can’t afford food right now’. She’s only giving you $300 a month, technically she’s the one not paying for food since I’m pretty sure it’s probably costing you more than that to feed and house her.
The truth is that she’s found a good housing deal and you see it as short term but she may be thinking much longer.
Sit down with her. Let her know that the food comments will stop.
It’s your husband’s home and food, and it’s your choice of how to handle meals. It’s your relationship and just because she’s living in your house does not give her a say in anything that either of you does.
And finally: give her a date. ‘You’ve been living in our home for a while now. It’s not working out. You’re interfering in my home, relationship, and family. You have X weeks remaining here.
That means you will need to move out on Y date. Whatever you’re doing to figure out your situation you need to be doing it faster.'” Natural_Garbage7674
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Her opinion means very little in the face of an eating disorder. If everyone’s eating disorders could be treated by simply being around someone who had an opinion of how easy it is to not have an eating disorder, well, there wouldn’t be any would there?
Her $300 isn’t being ‘wasted’ and her $300 isn’t paying all the bills so she needs to, as you say, back down. If she’s worried about what other people can and can’t afford these days, she’s more than welcome to find accommodations and living situations that will help ease that burden for someone else.
If she’s in that position, she should be grateful and just say thank you.
If her mother and twin are so busted up by it, they can send her the funds so she can live by herself.
These choosy beggars need a reality check.” SunMoonTruth
16. AITJ For Not Wanting To Shave My Head?
“I’m (17F) extremely insecure and ashamed of my body, but I really love my hair. I have long, curly, golden blonde hair and I love it, even tho taking care of it isn’t easy.
My mother’s friend (50F) has a 16-year-old daughter who has cancer. She had to shave her head because of chemo and her mother did the same to support her, which I think is really sweet.
The problem is: my mother’s friend tries to force everyone to shave their head to support her sick daughter, and when people refuse, she just cuts them out of her life and spreads awful rumors about them.
She always talks about her daughter not having any friends because people are evil and hate cancer patients.
A few days ago she came to visit my mother and her daughter was there too.
I and her daughter never got along for the dumbest reasons, which is usually her trying to steal my clothes, makeup or rings, or other personal items.
I was in my room while my mother, her friend, and her daughter were chatting in the living room and my mother’s friend suddenly called my name, so I head to the living room.
I just join the conversation and chat about normal things: school, hobbies, etc. and that’s when my mother’s friend brings up her daughter’s cancer again.
She told me how helpful it would be if I shaved my head too and how that would make her daughter feel better.
I politely refused, but she kept insisting for another hour. She then added ‘Oh, so you’re just as evil and selfish as everyone else’ and that’s when I lost it. I told her that I was never going to shave my head for someone I barely speak to and to please stop thinking that everyone MUST shave their head so that her daughter could ‘feel better’ (info: the daughter doesn’t care if someone shaves their head for her and would make fun of them for being manipulated so easily).
I also told her that her daughter doesn’t have any friends because she’s a selfish thief and bully and not because of cancer. They then got upset and left. My mother grounded me for being insensitive and rude to her friend’s daughter, but I don’t think I’m in the wrong and someone had to make them face reality.
I won’t deny that my words were harsh, but life isn’t only made of sweet and understanding words.
Many people are calling me a jerk but many other people are on my side.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Your mom is a jerk for not defending you and even punishing you makes it worse.
Mom’s friend is a jerk for demanding it, pushing you after refusal, and all the terrible things she did to all the other people who dared to refuse her demands.
The kid is a jerk for the things she did and a bit if it is true that she makes fun of people who give in to her mother’s demands, but I also kind of like it if she makes fun of those people as they kinda deserve to be made fun of for not having a backbone.
Good job showing you do have a backbone. You gave some valid reasons to not give in to her demands, her demands seem to be an ego trip rather than some genuine support for her kid.” DRTvL
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your mother should not have let this go on for an hour. But since your mom is a jerk and her BFF is a jerk, here’s a little advice.
Do your best not to engage with people like this at their level. If you’re forced to sit there and listen to their nonsense, just respond with non-committal things such as ‘I’m sorry that won’t be possible.’ and if they ask why the answer is ‘it just won’t be possible’ and think of ways to get out of the room.
In this case, even though you don’t like the daughter, you could have invited her into the kitchen for a snack, or to your room to hang out. (She’s not going to steal stuff with you there.) Then you get out of the room and put lie to the things the adults are saying about you because you are a NICE person who is being kind to the daughter.
Unfortunately, by losing your cool and saying mean things (even though they’re true) you gave them ammunition to use against you. It’s not fair, but it’s how jerks like this justify their own behavior.
Give them nothing next time. Hold your head high, and don’t lower yourself to their level. Behaving as they do will only hurt you in the long run.” nodumbunny
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Sometimes the truth hurts but still must be said. Your mom’s friend was completely out of line. Her shaving her head is a nice gesture as a mother supporting her daughter. However, expecting anyone she happens to know to also shave their head is ridiculous.
When you said no, she should have dropped it. Trying to guilt you into it by harassing you for an hour is unacceptable. And as to how the daughter behaves, I expect she learned this behavior is okay from her parents.
They both needed to be told off. The mother in particular. Maybe if more people did so, she would stop acting that way.
I would tell your mother that her grounding you is unacceptable.
She should have defended your decision and ended the harassment before it escalated. This is on your mother and her friend, not you.
As to the daughter, having cancer doesn’t make her a better person.
She doesn’t get a free pass to misbehave. She is still a jerk, only now she has cancer, too. You do not need to coddle her or pretend that she all of a sudden is a good person.
Do not associate with her or her mother, and make it clear to your mother that you will not. Should they come over again while you are home, ignore them. Stay away from them and do not respond to them, but do not feel you have to stay locked away in your room, either.” TrevMeister
15. AITJ For Getting A Dog Even Though My Parents Think It's A Bad Idea?
“I’m a 22 M and have my own apartment that I share with my partner (18M). I recently got a dog. Currently, I’m a student and I work part-time as a waiter. In general, since it’s my 3rd year at uni and I usually work 3 days a week for 6 hours I have quite a bit of time on my hands.
The pay from my job is very good as well making roughly 2x the minimum wage with half the hours.
I told my parents I got a dog and they got very angry at me.
I take good care of the dog, I go out with him, buy him food, teach him, play with him, etc. When I told them about it they got furious basically treating me like a child about it saying I’m irresponsible and won’t have enough time for it.
Truth is I’m out of the house for a maximum of 4 hours when I have uni or 6 when I have work. Since my partner has a home office job he’s here most of the time meaning the dog is almost never alone.
My manager also said if I will have issues I can bring him over and he can stay in the office at the restaurant. Everybody’s being very angry and mean about it, my parents got furious, brother texted me saying I’m an idiot and that the dog will have a very bad life.
Unfortunately, they react like this about every little thing I do eg. A tattoo, a new hobby basically any decision that has to do with me.
I told them that I thought about it long and hard and I have enough time to take care of it and also I have quite a secure job.
So my question is AITJ for getting a dog?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
First off: you live in your own apartment with your partner, so it’s none of their business who or what lives in your place.
And it seems like you talked with your partner about all the responsibilities that come with owning a dog and both of you agreed. That’s the only thing that matters. The fact you considered both the financial aspect as well as time and the basic needs of a dog means you are responsible.
You also said you took your time with this decision.
Your family sounds really controlling and they are the jerks here. You can be lucky to no longer live with them .” Star_Inferno
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but you have to stop telling them anything that goes on in your life.
‘Unfortunately, they react like this about every little thing I do’.
You know they will do this yet you open yourself up for it every time.
Put them on an information diet, tell them unless things, like it’s been a long week or things are fine but nothing about anything you actually do. They are never going to change no matter how much you wish they were the type of family you could share with and they could be happy for you.
They enjoy putting you down and belittling you I mean they learn this one thing and they are bombarding you, verbally abusing and swearing at you, which you say is the norm.
Please shut these toxic abusive people out of your life.
No matter how much you think you are used to it or it doesn’t matter. It does and it will be affecting you emotionally and they will be making you miserable every time you talk to them.
I guarantee if this is the norm that they have caused mental damage which you haven’t fully realized yet. It took many years before I went to a therapist and discovered how I’d subconsciously been trained only after years of it affecting everything.
Enjoy your fur baby and live a great life without them, I guarantee you will find it so much better without their constant mistreatment. As that is the truth they have been emotionally and verbally abusing you for years.” Sweet-Interview5620
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You’re a 22-year-old man not living with your parents. Your decision to get a dog doesn’t require any work for them, and I’m sure you’re mature enough to make this decision without your family’s input.
While it is true that people don’t realize how much money and time a dog takes, if it becomes a problem, you can deal with it. I wouldn’t mention the dog again when talking with your family.” ClothesQueasy2828
14. AITJ For Laughing At My Mom's News?
“I (27m) have a beautiful wife Amara (26f).
When I was 17 I had a partner who had an affair with my brother.
We’d been together since kindergarten, and even though our relationship was fake in elementary school and middle school we decided to make it official in high school, but after a year of making it official, my brother tells me that she and he were seeing each other behind my back.
I was extremely hurt especially since my parents knew but they thought the relationship was still a playful one even though I told them the news first.
After that, I decided to just focus on school and move out of my parents’ house, especially since they didn’t have the decency to at least be romantically involved in private.
She still tried to apologize and ask if we could be friends but I just ignored her.
After I graduated I moved to Texas at age 19 and only contacted my family on holidays, after two years of being there I met Amara at a bakery her mother owned and we became friends first due to us both having trust issues but we made it official a year after meeting.
The relationship was great, I loved her family and they loved me. The wedding was absolutely wonderful even though my parents and brother didn’t come even though I sent an invitation and called them the day before.
I realized that if my wife were ever in an argument with someone even if she was wrong I’d always have her back.
Now a week ago my mother called me to ask if we could talk, she was on speaker since Amara and I were cooking, she knows about what my family has done and how they backed up my brother so I didn’t mind putting the phone on speaker since the only conversations I have with my family are about my brother.
Well my mom goes on to tell me how my brother and my ex are getting married and he wants me to be his best man, it was silent for a bit and Amara burst out with giggles and I joined in after her.
My mom hung up and I didn’t bother calling her back and enjoyed my night with my wife.
The next morning I was bombarded with angry texts from my brother and dad about how I hurt my mother’s feelings and made her cry by not telling my wife to not laugh.
I don’t think I did anything wrong I technically didn’t do anything but I can somewhat say that it was childish but it was a spur of the moment.
So AITJ for not backing up my mom?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – apart from anything else your brother isn’t ready to get married if he doesn’t even have the guts to ask his own best man to do the honors and needs his mama to do it for him.
But I suspect that your brother didn’t actually want you to be his best man and this was all your mother’s idea, and she’s hurt on her own account and not his that her genius plan to reconcile you didn’t work.
Otherwise, your brother would be telling you that he’s hurt on his own account and that you turned him down, rather than being mad that you made your mother cry.
Having a grudge with your brother ten years later over a girl that you were only actually with for like a year or two (yeah you had the whole childhood thing but it really doesn’t count or make her your property, dude, when you weren’t actually a couple, so only the ‘official’ bit is important here) is kinda extreme, but if that’s the way you feel, you are not a jerk for finding this pathetic and disrespectful way of reaching out to you laughable.” redcore4
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Good grief.
They are all trying to soothe themselves by trying to force you to pretend that you have a decent relationship with them after how they treated you.
This is about them and how they feel and what they want. It’s not about you at all. It’s about them trying to use a sentimental occasion to make you come back for photo ops, so they can pretend they didn’t treat you badly.
They want you to be a cardboard cutout of yourself so that they can save face for the photos.
It IS a laughable situation.
They didn’t come to your wedding. They want you to be involved in his?
Ridiculous.
He didn’t call you to ask, he had mommy do it for him? Ridiculous.
He’s marrying your ex, after showing no remorse for how he treated you, for the betrayal and pain?
Ridiculous.
Honestly, laughter is a great response. It’s a healing response.” blueberryyogurtcup
13. AITJ For Restricting My Partner From Our Shared Bank Account?
“Almost 3 years into the relationship and we decided to put away some funds in order to be able to rent a house together in the near future.
She is an animal lover. She helps strays.
I recently saw small (relatively) amounts withdrawn from our shared bank account and transferred to veterinary clinics. She told me it’s always for a good cause. I went to the bank, changed details as the card belonged to my name (although it’s ‘shared’), and told her the rest of the funds, we will use them as promised.
She demanded her funds back but at this point, I don’t know which is hers. We had fights and it’s like our future seems less important than her helping a cat. Or should I put it that there was also money earned by me in there?
Anyway, AITJ for restricting her from our shared bank account?
(We are in our mid-20s, so not a so stable job, etc.)
EDIT: She withdrew small accounts leading up to 300€+.”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ
You made a singular decision to take control of a joint account. You did that without talking to her about the issue and trying to figure out a different solution. In doing so you are trying to control the funds on your terms, and therefore controlling her.
You should have talked to her first and tried to resolve the conflict. This was a move about power and control, and that is red flag behavior.
If you have done this once, I can only imagine what other singular decisions you have tried to make in the relationship.
Remember that when you do this, you are responsible for creating a rupture in your relationship. A successful relationship means being part of a team. Operating on your own is a sure track to being on your own.” Kawaiidumpling8
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
It was a shared account for saving towards renting a place, it was an account that had a specific goal in mind and shouldn’t have been used for anything else.
She didn’t discuss using this fund to help animals BEFORE she took the money.
How long would it have taken her to blow through the whole lot – both hers and yours?
What would have happened if you saw a place you liked and you went to put the deposit down and discovered there was no money there?
My first reaction would totally be to protect my half of this nest egg by restricting her access. I wouldn’t want to run the risk that she spends my funds on her wants without me ever agreeing to the donations.
This is NOT financially abusing her in my opinion because she SHOULDN’T be spending funds from this account in the first place!
I would then be sitting her down and telling her how betrayed I felt that she had misused the funds and that the account is going to remain ‘frozen’ with no one putting anything in or taking any more out until I had worked out how much money I had been putting in and making sure my money is rightfully returned to be put in a separate savings account, she could have what’s left.
And I would absolutely be making her pay me back if she had spent more than she had put in.
This is not someone you will ever be able to trust with shared finances.
Be careful before signing any sort of rental contract with this woman because if she can’t stop spending her funds looking after strays guess who is going to be footing the bills so you aren’t evicted?
YOU!
I honestly think this is the first sign of her selfishly financially abusing you, not the other way around.” mythicalkitten
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here. She used funds from the shared account without your knowledge.
Spending it on something that was not agreed upon.
You have restricted her from accessing the shared account which is just as wrong. This is taking advantage of the authority and why was her name not added to the account?
As it is her money also. I would suggest finding a way to break down what each person has contributed and dissolve the account. Neither of you is ready for a shared bank account.” Voidg
Another User Comments:
“You’re both jerks in a way.
She’s the jerk if clear boundaries have been set about what the shared account is for. I do think she isn’t doing it to be mean or harsh she just seems to have a heart.
I think you should separate accounts and only place funds in the shared accounts for bills. Then her money is her money to spend as she wishes and you are the same.
You’re the jerk for changing things on a shared account.
You should have discussed this with her and now at this point look at the history of what you both have put in. Half it, if it seems fair, and give her the money.
You can’t withhold her funds if she wants them.
At this point, you both need to sit down and discuss financial matters. If the shared account is to be used for buying a house, bills, holidays, etc then a clear spreadsheet is made so you can both see what’s put in.
You need to be open with communication or you will just go in a downward spiral in your relationship.” *****************
She took money out of the account and spent it without talking about it to OP first on several occasions.
She knew what the funds were for, but kept taking money anyway.
OP took the drastic measure of shutting her out of the account without even sitting her down and talking to her.
Technically part of that is her money, and she shouldn't be shut out of it for any reason.
They both need to sit down and talk this whole thing out in order to have a chance to straighten it out.
Communication is the key to potentially solving their issues.
12. AITJ For Being Upset That My Partner Didn't Like My Pumpkin Pie?
“I (26m) have been with my partner Laura (32f) for about a year now. (Yes, we have an age gap.) We were talking about fall and our favorite foods, and she mentioned how much she missed her dad’s pumpkin pie.
While according to her his recipe is pretty basic, her parents live out of state and she doesn’t get to see them often, and recently she’s been missing them a lot. I decided to surprise her by making a pie for her.
On Friday night, we were going to have dinner and watch a movie at her place. Once I got off work, I got right to making the pie. I’m no chef, but I stuck close to a recipe I found online, and it smelled delicious when it was ready.
Once we finish dinner, I showed Laura the pie and put it in the oven to warm up as we started the movie. When it was ready, I cut us each a slice, and she took one bite and grimaced. I asked her what was wrong with the pie, and she said something to the effect of ‘At least you tried, but please don’t ever make another one.’ She started laughing, and I immediately looked away, admittedly a little hurt by that comment.
Laura noticed and tried to console me by saying ‘But you’re good at so many other things’ and stuff like that, but it felt more like she was mad that I was offended.
We watched the movie, and I left once it was done. Laura never apologized for the comment she made, even doubled down saying ‘Make sure the pie goes with you, or I’m throwing it away.’ Maybe she was trying to be lighthearted there, but her comments really, really hurt my feelings.
I gave her a quick kiss on the cheek and left. Texted her that I was home, said good night, and that was that.
This is where I may be the jerk. The next day, Laura called me 3 times and I let it go to voicemail each time.
I didn’t really feel like I wanted to hear from her, at least for the rest of the day. Truth be told, it wasn’t about the pie. It was more about the fact that I tried to surprise her with something special that she specifically mentioned, and she threw it back in my face.
I also gave the rest of the pie to my neighbor and his wife, and they told me they really enjoyed it without even knowing what Laura said about it.
We’re talking again today, but the air is not clear.
I’m starting to think maybe I was being too petty, but I was also raised with the understanding that if someone cooks for you, you eat the food and thank them for it even if you didn’t like it.
ETA: I did try the pie and it was fine to me. My neighbors said they liked it the day after I gave it to them – They were very genuine about it.
Some people might say I wanted Laura to ‘lie to me’. If she didn’t like the pie, yes I want to know, but laughing at it and making fun of it wasn’t the way to communicate it.
Also, we talked about the incident and apologized to each other, and everything’s back to normal now. I just probably won’t be trying to make pumpkin pie again, at least for her.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but I suspect you’re more emotionally invested in this relationship than your SO is.
You tried to do a kind and thoughtful thing for someone you care about and your SO openly mocked you for it.
This isn’t something that people do in loving relationships. It’s not about the pie; it’s about the intent. Even if the pie was truly terrible, the gesture was a sweet one.
A caring partner would have taken the gift in the spirit it was meant, not threatened to dump your gift in the garbage. Think about what you want out of this relationship because this won’t be the last time your SO reacts this way.” throwawaynoise97
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – You tried and your effort wasn’t appreciated. I generally steer clear of ‘memory foods’. That’s what I call foods ppl associate with a memory because no matter how hard you try, you can’t duplicate a memory.
As for your partner’s reaction. Wow. I’d have thanked you and given you a hug and kiss for taking the time to make a pie, but not everyone is grateful or shows appreciation in the same way.
I do think you were right not to talk to her while you feel how you do. When you’re calm and want to talk, then do so. But it’s quite alright for it to be on your time when you are ready to do so.
Hope you both work through this moment to reach a better place.” Sea-Tea-4130
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Even if she really didn’t like it, or it was not up to her high standards of her dad’s recipe, she was extremely rude about it.
Saying ‘at least you tried but please don’t make another one’ and laughing. Then the ‘make sure the pie goes with you or I’m throwing it away’.
She lacks a combination of basic manners and decency, you eat a few bites and say you’re full from dinner but you can’t wait to have more later.
She could’ve thrown it away after you left if she truly absolutely couldn’t stand it and told you she ate the whole thing. That’s what nice, normal people do.
It also shows a complete lack of appreciation for your thought and effort in making it.
At the beginning of your story, you seemed concerned about what we would think about your age gap. Not really that big of a deal, but I think your relationship has far bigger problems.” dart1126
I know the pie likely didn't taste exactly like her dad's (because let's face it, it's virtually impossible to make a sentimental food taste exactly like the one a special person made), but she could've at least showed appreciation for the gesture and thanked OP.
11. AITJ For Not Bringing My Partner's Brother's Friend Home After Camping?
“Going camping with my partner’s family. We have two cars on the lot. One is mine and the other is my partner’s mom’s. My partner’s brother brought a friend to camp with us.
His friend’s car is parked at a golf club down the road.
They’ve been extremely disrespectful the whole trip. We are leaving in an hour or so and to avoid multiple trips I’ve offered to let my partner’s brother’s friend ride with me to the golf course.
When I caught them carving into a tree I had enough. Not only were they carving into a tree in our lot but in a state park. I told them to stop but they refused and my partner’s mom refused to stop them and said she wasn’t sure.
She’s already stressed because my partner’s brother refused to do crap but also because he continues to back-talk her. They also egged the site at one point, continued to leave food out, wouldn’t pick up after themselves, and used half of our wood supplies in one sitting to make the biggest fire and used tons of lighter fluid.
AITJ for telling my partner’s mom to take my partner’s brother’s friend back to his car because I’m mad?
Update: My partner’s brother told us we were lazy for taking a 5-minute break after spending about an hour taking something down and picking it up while he rested in the tent.
My partner and I said screw this and picked up only our stuff and put it in my car and we left. The look on their faces was hilarious. His mom wasn’t impressed but annoyed. She kept telling my partner he was the only one who could put down this tent thing but we just pointed and said the other boys’ names.
They’re the same height as my partner and just as strong. Just jerks that don’t listen. My partner and I agreed we are getting our own site next year.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
OP, getting the heck out of Dodge was the best move.
Yes, for future trips, get a separate campsite. Don’t volunteer to be any sort of driver for your brother or his friends even for short distances, either.
When reserving a site, consider reserving one away from your partner’s mom and brother, not adjacent. May not stop the mischief, if it’s going to happen. But it will make it clear that anything that might happen between the brother & cohort is deliberate.
Besides, it will give you a way to get some peace and quiet if needed.
Also, do not be afraid to report problematic behavior to the park rangers. Tree carving, the egging, the huge fire.
All worth letting rangers know about. Just be sure that they know of the family connection when reporting so that they’re prepared to deal with that aspect too.
They are really lucky some of what you mentioned didn’t get reported this time.” hard_tyrant_dinosaur
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
As a former campground manager, I can tell you that reporting that even if you were staying in the same site would have kept you from getting in trouble if somebody else had reported it or if the park, ranger, or campground manager had seen you in the campsite with all that.
Also, it would force your mother-in-law to take responsibility for the actions of her underage child. It sounds to me like she doesn’t discipline him and that’s why he acts the way he does.
He needs to learn that there are consequences to his actions and apparently she is not showing him that.
I don’t blame you guys for leaving and not wanting to be a part of that.
Next time get you a campsite away from them and I’d suggest more than one or two sites away from them. Also don’t allow them in your campsite and if they do come to your campsite and cause any damage or anything like that you need to report them because otherwise, it will come back on you.
It’s also unfair to other campers in the area that they have to put up with disrespectful teenagers. Their big fire could have caused a forest fire if it had gotten out of control.
Your mother-in-law really needs to have some kind of discipline for this child.” Whiskeygirl81
10. AITJ For Leaving My Mom At A Club?
“I (22F) am the youngest of two from my parents (both in their 50s). I live at home with them because I dropped out of college in 2020 and now I work, I’ve made my way up to management and get one weekend off a month.
This weekend is my October weekend off.
My mom and I plan to hang out on these weekends off because she’s literally my best friend. She told me the plan for tonight was that the three of us go to the small ‘downtown’ type area nearby, shop around, go to dinner, then go home to watch movies.
We ran into some people from our neighborhood (that my parents used to be good friends with) and the lady (let’s call her Tina) got my mom and me Hurricanes. Mom finished all of hers, but I did not.
Mom was hammered before dinner (the drinks were huge and mostly rum), and after dinner, she mentioned we were going to meet up with the neighbors on their ‘bar crawl’ with their family friends.
We went to two bars and stopped in a club, where my mom repeatedly screamed in my ear. I suffer from eardrum damage and wear hearing aids, and I have to be careful of sudden loud noises in my ears.
Screaming in them is PAINFUL and she knows that but she’s wasted on drink 4.
Let me mention that we got to the downtown area at around 5, we were at this club at around 11:30 when we had only planned to be out till about 8/8:30.
I went to the restroom at this point to kill time, and when I came back, mom made friends. They said they had just graduated and my mom was nodding enthusiastically. They said that she told them I had just graduated from college too.
I said, ‘uh no I left in 2020?’ And mom got a strange look and started talking to the neighbor on the other side of her.
My mom is my best friend and she’s always understood my reasons for leaving school and working.
But this made me feel like she was embarrassed by me and my choices. Mostly because the girls were adamant about her saying I graduated college.
I finally decided to text my brother (since an Uber was $50 to get home) and he came to get me (the real MVP).
Mom was upset and dad was livid (but covering in front of his friends).
I left because I just was done with the night, my ears were hurting, I was questioning if my mom is embarrassed by me, and I was tired. I think I’m going to ask her about it tomorrow (if she even remembers).
Am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Not to be overly judgemental but it would be a good idea to have a friend or peer around your own age. Life pro tip – If you think your mother is ruining your social life, she is.
I am 32 yrs old and I cannot think of something more cringy than being 22 yrs old and on a bar crawl with my parents and their friends. Seriously OP, this isn’t a healthy relationship if she’s manipulating you, dragging you around to bars as if she’s the 22-year-old, not to mention she is forcing you to do what she wants to do on your one weekend off.
Your mom has some serious issues if she’s lying to complete strangers to make herself seem like a ‘better’ parent. Why are your 50ish-year-old parents at a CLUB? I wouldn’t absolutely survive if I was in your shoes.” OkOutlandishness1363
Another User Comments:
“NTJ you’re allowed to go home when you wanna go home and it also sounds like your parents had planned a night out drinking without telling you, and were total jerks about you not finishing college.
Your Mom isn’t your best friend, best friends don’t lie to their friends’ faces about supporting their decisions and they don’t lie to other people about that decision to save face. Best friends don’t expect you to stay in painful environments when they know your problems, and when you wanna leave they’re pleased to see you’re getting home safe.
Find a better best friend.” bench11201
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. People calling it a night when they’re hitting the town because they’ve had enough or aren’t feeling so hot is beyond the standard.
You spent the whole evening with them, they got to show you off to their friends, and they can stay out as late as they want. Don’t even sweat it, you didn’t do anything wrong.
I will say that the danger of going out with moms is that they sometimes get mom-wasted. LOL. I gotta imagine that it’s hard to keep in all the thoughts/emotions that come from being a parent.
My mom hits me with weird or heavy stuff, after two beers, on a regular base. The things we speak while intoxicated are not always sober thoughts, it could’ve just been an odd temporary line of thinking.
How much of your intoxicated chat and emotions do sober you stand by? It was a weird thing to say, but talk to her about it and decide if you wanna let it slide.” CBEANorCBEAR
9. AITJ For Telling My Mother-In-Law That Her Son Picked Me And Not Her?
“My MIL is one of those i********s mothers who is in love with their sons.
When my husband finished school he moved out as soon as he could for that reason and kept his distance. Well now that we have a daughter, we both agreed she can spend more time around us for our daughter.
She’s very good with her. And honestly, at first he saw a difference, she had changed, but lately, she has been making comments and kinda going back to her old ways.
Well, yesterday she came over just before my husband came home from work and since he wasn’t around she thought she could talk trash about my appearance and the mess in the house.
I was breastfeeding my daughter so I just brushed her off. When my husband came home he came up to me and kissed my and our daughter’s foreheads and asked how are my beautiful girls?
Before I could answer my MIL said she is good and (my daughter’s name) is okay for now. My husband turned to her and told her that he was talking to me but is happy to hear she is good too.
My MIL then said as you can see (my name) isn’t okay, she looks like a mess.
Honestly, I was tired and over it so I told her we’re not gonna do this and if she has a problem she can leave.
My house wasn’t even a mess. She got upset and started arguing and then said give it time my son will come back to me. Before my husband could say anything I called her jealous and weird and told her, her son loves me and picked me.
This obviously upset her more, but before she could open her mouth my husband politely told her to leave. She left after some time. My husband said I said what had to be said and she won’t be allowed back until she learns boundaries and respects me.
Since then my husband’s siblings and my FIL have been calling and messaging him calling us both jerks for how we treated his mom. My husband blocked his family on my phone and said we did nothing wrong but I kinda feel awful for ruining things with his other family members that he got along with by being immature and petty.
So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Sounds like your husband is out of the fog.
That being said, time for you to go no contact with his family. And to have a long discussion with him about their behavior and what will and will not be tolerated around the child both of you created.
You are a new mother, so having a perfect house, is out the window. And her expectations and comments pretty much show you that she will never change at all. So part of the conversation really also needs to include how involved they are going to be in the child’s life.
Also, change the locks, if the inlaws have a key, cameras are a good idea, and start to document everything that is witnessed, and take notes during phone calls. Save emails, text messages, and voice mails.
That being said, the only other thing, is for him to go low contact/no contact with them and for both of you to consider moving a bit further away from them, that way the distance will be good for the relationship, and them not having the address is not a bad idea.
The less information they have, the better, so be careful on social media.
Also, make sure that the kitchen has food and that the house is reasonably clean. No telling how far she will go to harass you and what organizations she will talk to and leave out key factors to cause you that kind of trouble.
Also, you may want to, in your spare time, find a good family lawyer who you and he can retain if necessary. She is not going to go down without a fight, and even after losing, she is still going to be in trouble.” JCWa50
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Follow your husband’s lead on this. He laid a boundary and it’s now your job to back him up in the same way he’s backing you up. If that means he’s cutting her out for good, so be it.
There’s no reason for her to attack you. The rest of his family is upset because you rocked the boat and now they have to figure out how to smooth things over again instead of letting her tip over and learn how to swim.” Misty5303
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your MIL was completely out of line and also creepy. It is obvious that she is jealous of you. For her to say that he will ‘come back to her’ is akin to wishing for the breakup of your family, which makes me wonder how much she actually cares about her new grandbaby.
What a terrible thing to say! On top of the other awful things she said. I am so glad that your husband recognizes how toxic she is and backed you up by asking her to leave.
What a witch! Your husband sounds like a good guy. Congrats on the baby.” Aggravating-Humor-63
8. AITJ For Asking A Friend Not To Wear A White Dress To My Wedding?
“I (F24) am overjoyed to say that I’m going to be getting married to my partner (M24) in November.
So, ever since I was around 10 years old, I’ve been super into alternative subcultures (goth, punk, grunge, etc). I dress pretty alternatively, and I’m heavily tattooed. I know my look isn’t everyone’s cup of tea, but it’s what makes me feel like me.
For the wedding, I’m going to be going a bit against tradition and wearing a black dress. I’ve purchased my dress already and I couldn’t be happier with it, it’s so beautiful and flattering.
I have a few bridesmaids, but I’m not doing the matching dresses thing, I told them to pick what they think looks good.
One of my friends, Kat (F24), is one of the bridesmaids and she recently went dress shopping and sent me a photo of the dress she’s going to wear to the wedding.
I was shocked.
So let me describe the dress. It was a long-sleeved dress that was completely white, except for a singular blue flower on the back of each sleeve.
I told Kat that I really don’t want her to wear this dress to my wedding, as she was going to look like the bride as the dress is mostly white except for the flower designs on the back.
Kat was really disappointed and said she loves the dress. I told her it was a lovely dress but please not for the wedding. Kat started to get mad and said I’m not wearing white anyway, so she should be allowed to wear the dress, plus it’s not completely white.
I told her I still don’t want her to wear it.
She’s really angry and told everyone I’m being a bridezilla and said if I don’t let her wear the dress she’s not going to attend the wedding which I thought was really drastic.
But AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Doesn’t matter if you’re wearing white or not. There is a general rule: Unless the bride states otherwise, no one but the bride wears white. Maybe (and I’m not sure of what you did/didn’t say obviously) she assumed ‘wear what you think looks good’ meant even something white because you didn’t specify it couldn’t be and you weren’t wearing white.
But then she should have checked if it was an okay choice with you before she purchased it. Just to make sure the normal rules didn’t apply. I get she might be disappointed after finding a dress she liked, but going so far as to say that she’s not gonna attend the wedding is a little extreme.
And clearly, she hasn’t met an actual bridezilla because those gals be crazy about their wedding rules and stuff. haha. It’s sad to think she finds her getting to wear that dress more important than being there, at your wedding, on your special day celebrating YOU (which is what the day is about lol).
I hope she changes her mind and decides to move past this and attend your wedding to support and celebrate you!” Light_Seeker90
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
While you may not wear the traditional white dress, she still should not wear it because she then could still be mistaken for the bride by guests (though not very likely) or by people who would look at pictures of your wedding in the future.
Simply put: you just don’t wear anything that could be mistaken for a wedding dress (and a single blue flower doesn’t change this) at the wedding of someone else – unless the bride specifically allows it (I recently came across a picture of Prince William and Kate’s wedding where I saw that her sister was also wearing a long white dress).
Depending on how you personally feel about it, you may also want to ask your bridesmaids – or even the guests as well – not to wear a black dress to make sure that you as the bride are still the only person wearing a dress that color.
Your friend saying she won’t be attending if she can’t wear the dress she wants, is also absolutely unacceptable and might be a sign that she doesn’t really value your friendship. As a friend, she should realize that your wedding is about you and that she should respect your wishes for it as long as they aren’t completely unreasonable – which they are not.
You can also point out to her, that since traditionally the bride chooses the bridesmaid’s dresses, she could have ended up having to wear a dress she didn’t like anyway if you went that route.
But you gave them free choice expecting them to choose a traditional bridesmaid’s dress, especially since it sounds to me like you’re going for an overall traditional wedding where you just make a statement with your dress rather than having a themed wedding.” Temporary-Deer-6942
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Not only is it wrong for somebody else to wear white to a wedding that is not their own but it’s your wedding and it’s your choice. You gave them a choice of dress to wear.
Anybody with half a brain would know that you do not pick a white dress to wear to somebody’s wedding, especially when you’re a part of the wedding party.
If she is going to throw a fit because she can’t wear a white dress to your wedding and decide that she’s not going to show up to your wedding, then replace her.
Find another friend. Make them your bridesmaid. A real friend wouldn’t do this. Don’t let her ruin your day. Let her sit at home and sulk.
If she still shows up wearing white then she’s going to look bad.
Everybody’s going to talk about her in a negative way because she is making herself look bad.” Whiskeygirl81
7. WIBTJ If I Don't Invite My Siblings To My Wedding?
“I am estranged from my family. That includes both my parents and my younger siblings. I was the oldest of four kids and growing up, I was in a family that believed family comes before everything, school, friends, work, and anything else, even your mental health.
I’m the only person who did not agree with the severity of this. We always had to prioritize family time over time with friends. Even birthday parties were considered less important. Sometimes I would get permission to do something and then would be told no right before because they decided to do something as a family or one of my siblings wanted to do something and so my parents decided it should be all of us together.
A friend and I were given awards together in school. We wanted to do a joint celebration with both our families. My parents said no way. They wouldn’t even let me hang out after for an hour to be with my friends.
We had to go and celebrate as a family.
The worst one, and the thing that led me to estrangement two years after, was my best friend. She’d battled cancer since we were 12 on and off.
At age 16 we were told it was terminal. She was in the hospital. The day my younger sister was due to get surgery for a stomach issue she had, we got the call that my friend wanted to see me and there would be no other chance.
My parents made me go to support my sister. I never got to say goodbye to my best friend. She died while I was still in the other hospital. I would have made it to say goodbye too.
Her dad had even offered to pick me up. I would have maybe gotten a couple of hours with her. She had wanted me there. Then I got crap from my parents and brothers because my sister wanted to see me and was crying for me, and I stayed in the waiting room.
I never forgave my parents for that.
I didn’t speak to any of my family after I moved out. Then my siblings reached out a few years ago. But they were the same as my parents.
They wanted to meet up, wanted to reconnect, I was open at first. Then they wanted me to cancel a vacation I had planned with friends to see them for a few hours.
I said no. They offered days that worked for me, they offered another one that didn’t (my friend’s wedding day). They told me they were my family. They should come first. My sister told me I owed her for making her hospital stay worse back when she had her surgery.
I decided that was it for me, I was better off without any of them.
I got engaged recently. Two weeks later I got contacted by my siblings who asked why I didn’t tell them and they told me they wanted to be at my wedding, and that they don’t like how I take my issues with our parents out on them.
They found out because of a friend’s parents, who mentioned it to my parents and I guess they mentioned it to them. They told me they have done nothing to deserve this. That I never gave them a real chance and it would be wrong to leave them out when they want to celebrate me.
WIBTJ if I don’t invite them?”
Another User Comments:
“No matter what, it’s YOUR wedding and you and your SO are allowed to invite (or not invite) whoever you want. NTJ.
That being said, if you’re on the fence, I’m guessing there is some time still before the wedding as you just got engaged (congrats by the way!) which should give you some time to think things over.
Invite them for a coffee, spend a weekend together if possible and something you are comfortable with, and try to get to know them as adults and not as younger copies of your parents, although the sister is giving off some jerk vibes for bringing up the hospital visit, that is horrible… You may connect with all of them, just one or none, and then decide if you want them there for your big day.
Just remember that day is for you and you don’t want to stress about a sibling wanting time with ‘just you’ since they are family.” MissDrop33
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Part of being an adult means curating the people in your life to ensure you can live your best life.
You don’t owe them any more family time than you’ve already been forced to give. Not seeing your sister after her surgery was harsh if her surgery was major, but it was COMPLETELY understandable given the circumstances and especially so given you were still a kid.
Your sister can learn to get over not seeing you while you were grieving the loss of your BFF and the additional loss of not getting to say goodbye.
If your siblings are intent on continuing the family-first attitude and that’s a deal breaker, you can communicate that to them, or you can just say screw it, no time for crap, and move freely about your life.
Do what’s right for you. If you feel their presence at your wedding means a mental health strain or even that their attitude would lead to sabotage or even that you just don’t want to see them there, don’t invite them.
It’s your wedding, and you have a legitimate beef with the way they want to dictate your relationship.” snarkbeastie
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Family is not a matter of genetics, it’s those people who love and support you.
It sounds like your siblings haven’t been real family to you for a long time. The fact that they are pressuring you just like your parents used to shows that they not only are just like them but that they are not concerned about what you want or need – only their needs.
They were raised and had pounded in their head by your parents that ‘family always comes first’ – something that you broke out of. And this ruins their image that they have the perfect family.
So, they are pressuring you to come back into the fold so they can have their vision of the perfect family back again. In short – they don’t really care about you. They only care about their ‘perfect’ family.
That is why they are complaining that they don’t ‘deserve this.’ Ironically, this means that they actually do deserve this.
Ultimately, if you aren’t comfortable with them, don’t invite them to your wedding and do so without guilt.
And, you should probably have someone at your wedding assigned to keep a lookout for them. As selfish as they are, they may feel entitled to show up anyway, because ‘family comes first’ and ‘they don’t deserve this.'” bamf1701
6. AITJ For Not Wanting My Mom To Invite Guests Over?
“I’m 18 M and I’m going to the army in two weeks. For me, it means not being able to see my family often (once a week if I’m lucky) so I asked my family to spend some more time with each other till then.
There’s this Jewish holiday today and as a religious family, we celebrate it with a big family meal. Now that’s awesome if not for my mom’s constant need to have guests over.
We have guests every 3 weeks or so and tbh I’m not a fan of it. I have nothing against having people over I myself proposed we ask my grandma and aunt to come over for the holidays but my mom loves to invite HER friends and their kids, people we went to school with in the past but are not really in contact with anymore.
I and my dad don’t like it but every time I voice my objection my mom just says she wants the house to be full of people and that because I don’t own this house I have no say in it (but I do have to sweep the floors every week and do chores), but whatever.
I can handle them coming over on weekends but with this being a big holiday and me only having two weeks left until I enlist I asked my mom beforehand if we could just be us five (me, mom, dad, and my two younger sisters) with no guests.
She just smiled and walked away.
Today I found out she invited people. What’s worse is that it’s the people that I least tolerate and I know it will put a damper on my day.
I started fighting about it with my mom and then the fight escalated into a screaming match until my dad stepped in and said there’s no reason to fight because it’s already done and it’ll be rude to cancel.
I told my mom that she was selfish and stormed off.
Later today they asked me to bring my fan out of my room because we’ll need it for the dinner due to it being 30 C and we are eating outside.
I said as long as the guests come they won’t see me or my fan. Now I know I acted childishly but c’mon she knows I don’t like having guests over, I asked her beforehand and she completely ignored me just because she wants to have guests.
A couple of clarifications, it’s MY fan that my grandma gave me when she got a better one, my mom has a few different ppl that she likes to invite but the ones she did are not even really our friends, the mom is a friend of my mom that’s it, and lastly, I love my mom and this is just a thing we disagree on.
Am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, you’re leaving in two weeks, and from my understanding of the military, it will be quite some time before you’re able to see them if it’s basic.
Even if it’s possible for once a week, your mom should have wanted to spend the holiday with you and maybe your grandma/aunt… not friends. You responded immaturely but I can’t blame you.
You’re 18 and your feelings were entirely disregarded when your and their life changed in two weeks. I’m sorry your mom wasn’t more understanding about this.” Cookies_2
Another User Comments:
“YTJ.
Your mom is right… It’s her house. Doing chores doesn’t give you a say… That’s part of contributing to a household where I’m going to guess with absolute certainty you don’t pay a penny to live in.
Your mom likes to have people around, and she can do that. Once every 3 weeks is nothing. I have company over twice a week lol. She doesn’t have to conform to your wishes just because you asked. Sure, you can hide away in your room.
But throwing a fit because you didn’t get your way isn’t how a soldier should act. You’re in for a world of hurt in the military if that’s how you act.” Aquarius052
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Sure you’re being childish but aren’t we all sometimes? And you’re 18, just barely an ‘adult’, she’s your mother. She should be supporting you, not making you feel uncomfortable in a time of change.
Surely you all (especially your mom) could benefit from better listening skills and communication.” witchysimp
5. AITJ For Wanting My Son To Enjoy Family Meals?
“My son is nine and has ARFID (Avoidant restrictive food intake disorder). We are working with many therapists in all areas but it’s slowly developing.
He has very few safe foods and they are all super processed ‘junk’ food.
He used to have more foods, but when it changes/tastes different he will no longer eat them. He ate one sour grape seven years ago and still cries at the thought of eating another – it’s bad.
Anywho, we used to have family meals with my wife’s extended family relatively often – a few times a month, maybe. We stopped when we realized eating in groups was making our son worse.
Recently we have had a huge milestone, meaning he can eat in public again – he’s super excited about it, and we’ve eaten out a few times since. McDonald’s, mostly, but he’s still in public.
Anywho, my wife called her sister and asked if we could join their family meals again – maybe just once a month to build his confidence.
She said yes initially, and my wife told her we’d bring his food up so he could eat comfortably.
My sister-in-law then backtracked, saying that wasn’t going to be feasible.
She claimed it was too unfair on the other kids to have to eat proper meals while he gets to snack on junk food.
Which we obviously understand, but the youngest of the children is eight, and I feel like at that age it’s easy to explain that he has additional needs.
Which I mentioned to her – my wife got upset and left me to deal with the conversation.
I told my SIL straight that this wasn’t him being treated better, it was a serious medical situation and it wouldn’t be that hard to explain to the rest of the children that he has a different diet from them.
She got increasingly upset, claiming that her children shouldn’t have to be forced to watch him eat nicer food.
I then told her my son shouldn’t be forced to miss out on family meals at which point she hung up.
She later messaged my wife to inform her I was rude and ‘wouldn’t take no for an answer’.
My wife said I should have just accepted it when she hinted at not wanting him there, but I disagreed – I think he’s just as deserving as everyone else.
She got annoyed with me and now I’m just wondering if what I said was really that bad. AITJ?
ETA; We have decided to not press the family get-togethers and are instead trying to organize smaller ones with my family.
But I do just want to clear some things up – some people seem to think we are pushing ourselves onto my SIL’s family meal – this isn’t true. It is a family thing.
My wife’s parents and two other sisters with their kids, although they are all older teens.
Regardless of who offers to host the family, the SIL mentioned in this post consistently turns down everyone.
The rest of my wife’s family are not interested in meals without SIL present because it feels like they’re going behind her back.”
Another User Comments:
“My initial reaction is to say NTJ, because if he can’t eat other food, then he can’t eat any other food.
Whilst I disagree partly with your SIL, I can, in some ways, understand where she’s coming from.
I don’t agree with you in saying that an eight-year-old would understand this, which is why I think that if the kids were to have to watch your son eat that food if they didn’t get sad, they would at least get annoyed at him.
I mean, you’ve got to think about your son here too. I doubt he’ll be too popular if he’s eating junk food whilst they’re stuck with vegetables… They’re too young, I think. So, for that reason, I’d say no jerks here.
But, to propose a solution, what if, to just start off this family meal business, everyone ate the food that your son is comfortable with? It doesn’t have to end up being regular, but to slowly build up your son’s confidence, and to stop the other kids getting upset, one or two family meals where everyone eats some junk shouldn’t be a big issue, should it?” sarcast1c_0ne
Another User Comments:
“Soft YTJ. Her kids aren’t going to be understanding that this is a serious medical condition for your kid that deserves their empathy, they’re going to understand that there is a medical condition – recognized and respected by adults – that means you get to eat junk food.
Then, they’re going to ‘develop’ that condition, or at least try it for a few weeks. You mentioned that your kid will eat mac and cheese, I think that’s probably a good compromise if your SIL is ok with it, but expecting to bring Mcdonald’s for your kid and not have this cause issues with the others is just unrealistic.
Good luck and I’m glad your kid is eating more.” tigerlantern
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I honestly don’t understand why you even have to state that you would bring his own food.
Our son is on the spectrum and has a sensory processing disorder, many textures he won’t eat, and has a limited diet. All friends and family know when we come over we bring his meal. It has NEVER been an issue.
I think the main problem is if your sil was actually being supportive she wouldn’t question this at all and would kindly explain to her children the situation. That’s not a big ask, we have friends with 8-year-olds and they never complain that they don’t get chips too if that’s what my son will eat because they are understanding.
I wouldn’t want to bring my child around such unsupportive family members and risk making things worse.” Pink_monkey79
Another User Comments:
“YTJ
Insisting on an invitation when the host has said they are not comfortable with the situation it would create is entitled.
She doesn’t want to feed her kids junk food. Your son is only willing to eat specific junk foods. She has little kids who won’t understand that your son has an eating disorder, and this will cause her stress.
Preparing and hosting a large meal is stressful enough, so she has drawn the line here. Respect her boundaries.
Offer to host if you want the kids to see your son. Or meet at a restaurant he’s willing to eat at.
Don’t demand that she deal with tantrums.” Sweet_Baby_Grogu
I get your sister's point although strongly disagree with her perspective that her kids would be watching him eat "nicer food" when actually they would be watching him eat really crappy junk food.
4. WIBTJ If I Refuse To Babysit My Nephews And Nieces?
“My (30F) older brother (35M), Enoch, has five children—Franklin (11M), Edison (8M), Blanche (5F), Vera (2F), and Abraham (2M)—with his wife (35F), Ette. Despite having a rather strained relationship with Enoch, I appropriately love all my nieces and nephews, though I routinely acknowledge that they’re a very difficult/complex bunch to be with.
Recently, Ette informed me that she and Enoch were going to go to a ‘Jimmie Allen/Neon Union’ concert on the fifteenth and that they would need a babysitter to watch over my nieces and nephews.
I could sense that she was going to ask me if I could watch over their children, so I managed to slip in a ‘cool—I’m actually going to see ‘Anastasia’ that same day!’, which I was.
I would have outright informed her that I couldn’t watch over her and my brother’s children, though I felt that it would be inappropriate to do so, as she hadn’t actually asked yet.
As our conversation started to wrap up, my aforementioned sister-in-law slipped in an, ‘oh, (MY NAME), could you babysit the children when Enoch and I go to the concert?’ Despite already having told her that I was going to see ‘Anastasia’ that day, I decided that she must have forgotten, so I just politely declined.
But, then—before I knew it—she kicked into an entire thing about how ‘Blanche had been asking why her aunt doesn’t love her’, and why I was going to ‘refuse to allow Enoch and me (her) any free time’, which—if I didn’t know—gets ‘completely stripped away when they had children’, which I wouldn’t understand as an ‘immature person without any kids’.
I had decided to just leave the conversation and go back to my house, but Ette’s been messaging me since, and I’m suddenly feeling like I’m in the wrong, as it’s only one day, and I’ve seen ‘Anastasia’ four times prior.
I sort of want to reply to all her messages and tell her that I’m not going to watch over my nieces and nephews, though I don’t want to hurt my sister-in-law, brother, or nieces/nephews.
So, WIBTJ if I refused to watch over my sister-in-law and older brother’s five children, causing them to miss a concert?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
It’s disgusting to try and use children’s emotions against you and make you feel guilty when you have no obligation to be their own personal babysitter.
And you literally let them know that you have your own plans too, and they just decided to ignore that! Go to the concert, it doesn’t matter if you’re seeing the artist for the first or the hundredth time, it’s always exciting and another nice memory stays in your mind for a long time.
Seriously, don’t miss it. You’re not obliged to watch over them, you have your own life and those aren’t your children after all. You have all the right to spend your time however you want, and it certainly doesn’t make you a bad aunt, or whatever.” Master-Fox5518
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – You already have plans that day and she’s trying to steamroll you into babysitting for them instead.
Stand your ground on this or they’ll think you’re a soft touch and that they can just do this over and over.
At the end of the day they are right – they had five children and you did not. But they chose that and they are the parents so the responsibility is theirs, not yours.
Watch that they don’t try a ‘drop and dash’ on you. If you think they might try it you may consider warning them in advance that you will call the relevant authorities for child abandonment.
Yeah I know it’s basically dropping a nuke, but some people just don’t back off! (There was even a recent post where the brother dropped the kids and dashed even after being told no and she only saw the kids on camera a couple of hours later and she had to call the cops as she was out of town.
Some parent’s entitlement knows no bounds!)” Catatomical
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Your free time is your free time, and you are entitled to spend it as you see fit – even if it will be the 5th time you have seen a show.
You clearly declined the very first time they asked you. This isn’t a situation where you said yes and then backed out the day of for anything less than an emergency.
You are not the one causing them to miss the concert.
You are simply not available to watch the children. Besides, it doesn’t sound like they are offering anything in exchange. If you already had your tickets, you would have been out that money.” Working-on-it12
3. WIBTJ If Don't Allow My Sister To Be A Part Of Her Daughter's Life?
“I (28m) have a daughter (technically niece, Ellie) who just turned 10. The backstory is that my sister (31, Abbey) was/is a junkie. We had an awful childhood and turned to substance use to cope – Abbey when she was 15 and she then got me into it shortly after at 12.
I was able to somewhat turn my life around when I was 16/17, Abbey however did not. When I was 18, Abbey just turns up at my apartment one day with the newborn Ellie and begs me to help take care of her, so I agreed on the condition that she doesn’t bring illegal stuff into the apartment.
Over the next year or so Abbey would disappear, sometimes for weeks on end, and only show back up when she needed funds which I didn’t have much of at the time. Eventually, I got sick of her nonsense, so the next time she was begging me for funds I gave her an ultimatum; I’ll give her the funds she was asking for if she lets me officially adopt Ellie and then get out of our lives for good.
This may sound extreme, but I was terrified that Ellie would end up growing up in a situation similar to ours. Anyway, she agreed and I took a loan to give her the funds she was asking for.
A few months later I got a promotion at work and the option to transfer to another state which I took.
Fast forward to today and Abbey tracked me down on social media and sent me a message saying that she’s clean and wants to be a part of her daughter’s life.
The problem is that she had pulled this stunt with me back when Ellie was a baby, she’d disappear for a week then show up and claim that she wanted to spend more time with Ellie and act more like a mom, then when I let her back in, she’d beg for financial help and when I gave it to her, she’d be gone again the next day.
I’m worried that she’s just pulling the same stunt with me again and since Ellie is completely unaware that she’s my niece and not my daughter, I don’t want to bring Abbey back into her life and have the conversation with her, only for Abbey to beg me for funds and disappear again.
I don’t want to change it, especially while Ellie is too young to properly understand the situation but old enough to be crushed if Abbey pulls her usual stunt.
WIBTJ if I say no?
Edit: I need to tell Ellie the truth about me being her uncle and not her father, I’m going to find a therapist and work on that first.
I’ve messaged Abbey back, letting her know that I’m willing to let her meet Ellie, provided that she can prove that she’s clean and in a stable situation first. I also plan to meet her on my own first to test the waters.
The adoption was legal and official, we saw a judge and I still have the papers stored in a box in my attic. Me taking out the loan to give Abbey the funds she was asking for was a separate agreement between me and Abbey.
Ellie has asked about where her mom was in the past and I was truthful, saying that we moved away from each other when Ellie was very young. She has also asked a few other things about her mom and I’ve tried to be as truthful as possible, without going into the substance abuse stuff and keeping it child friendly of course.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. That said, you’re in a tough spot…
What you two must have gone through as children is horrible, and we can’t blame either of you for using it to cope with your trauma.
That said, you got clean and she didn’t. As sad as that is, Ellie is EXACTLY where she’s meant to be, with you. You stepping up to father someone else’s child is a boss move!
You broke the cycle and allowed her a chance at a better life. So did Abbey, by recognizing she was unfit at the time…
The question is, is she really clean this time?
Maybe you could meet with Abbey to gauge her condition and take it slowly from there. The ball is in your court bro, you have the legal rights here, and you decide how involved you’d like her to be.
There’s no easy way to approach this, but family comes in all shapes and sizes, and it’s not unheard of for two grown siblings to parent a child, if it comes to that.
But if it doesn’t, that’s okay too. You have to look out for yourself and your daughter first… I’d at least hear Abbey out though…
Take care of yourself man, and I wish you all the best.” ssradley7
Another User Comments:
“I think YWBTJ in this situation (selectively).
Ellie is 10. She deserves some say in this situation. I think you need to explain to her that she is adopted. I’m no expert here, but I’m sure there are resources that you can find that would help with this conversation.
Once she knows she is adopted, I’m sure she will have questions about her birth mom, and many other types of questions. But I truly think it’s worth telling her about now.
You don’t want her to make it all the way to her teenage years and then find out that not only was she adopted, but her mother has also been wanting to reconnect with her all of these years and you have kept it from her.
That would be an incredibly messy situation. Considering Abbey was able to find you, someday she will be able to find Ellie.
Also, depending on how the adoption went down, this question may also be better suited for a lawyer.
Something I won’t even touch because I don’t know anything about adoption laws.
However this goes, I wish you and Ellie (and even Abbey) the best of luck. Maybe you can start by reconnecting with your sister (leaving Ellie out of it) while you get a feel for where your sister is in life.
It seems like it’s been an awful long time since she reached out to you. Maybe she is clean and has been for a while. I really hope for the best-case scenario.” Critical-Musician630
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but you’ve got some hard truths to deal with here. Ellie’s birth mother is an addict who abandoned her as an infant. It’s horrible, but it’s part of Ellie’s story and she’s entitled to know it.
An adoption-competent therapist can help you tell her the truth in an appropriate way. Don’t discount the fact that you were a very young adult from a hard background with no support system when you stepped up for Ellie.
You may not have handled the situation perfectly, but you handled it.
As for allowing visitation, you can and should set boundaries around it. It’s reasonable to expect Abbey to be clean before allowing contact.
Since you mentioned moving to another state, it’s reasonable to require Abbey to travel to you and find her own place to stay, assuming Ellie wants to see her. Otherwise, it’s possible that you could travel with Ellie to visit Abbey, only to find that Abbey is using or has disappeared, and then Ellie would be crushed.
Good luck! It’s a tough situation, but Ellie’s well-being comes first.” steampunk_ferret
Another User Comments:
“YTJ for not talking to your kid about adoption. Telling your child they’re adopted is a process and starting when they haven’t yet fully grasped the concept is the best as far as I can tell.
If your sister recognizes that it is best for Ellie that she is not the mother but can still love her, care for her, and visit her like an aunt, then maybe it’ll be good to at least introduce them to each other.
Not saying you should lie about her being the biological mother, but just to make the dynamics clear so that your daughter won’t be confused and get hurt when your sister ends up leaving again.
It just feels like a waste if your sister actually has gotten better.
I also fear that this will end up in serious drama once your daughter is older and finds out that you have denied the contact.
If the biological mother turns out to have lied, then try to cut all ties again and let your child decide when she is ready to meet her biological mother. It must be scary to let them meet each other, but once your daughter has reached an appropriate age, let Ellie see for herself how her childhood would’ve been if she had grown up with her biological mother/if she had known her biological mother during her childhood.” Mammoth_Novel_3168
Don't listen to Critical-Musician630 or anyone else who suggests including your daughter in the decision as to whether or not to see her bio parent. That child needs to continue to be PROTECTED from your sister, as she can't protect herself. You've done a wonderful job taking care of this child; don't start second guessing yourself now. Good luck!
2. AITJ For Not Caring About My Neighbor's Allergy?
“My (26F) fiancé (26M) and I live in an apartment where dogs and cats are allowed. It was actually the main reason we moved in over a year ago.
This is the first time in my life I have lived in a place where pets are allowed because they are in very high demand and are much more expensive and there aren’t that many of them.
I was on the waiting list for 5 years.
So about a month after we moved in we got our puppy. She is a sweet mostly well-mannered Landseer (European continental) albeit still quite hyper as she is still young.
So the other day as we were coming home from one of our daily walks our next-door neighbor stopped us to say that the dog hairs our dog sheds in the shared staircase are giving her a rash around her mouth.
I was not having a great day so I just said okay and went inside.
However, I am confused as to what she wants me to do about it since the rental company has cleaning people coming by once a week to clean the staircase.
And it’s not like I’m brushing my dog out on the staircase. I also don’t understand why someone would move into a building with pets allowed if they are allergic to dogs especially as I said they are more expensive and harder to find than those where pets aren’t allowed and they would’ve had to be on the waiting list for a while to get the place.
But since then our neighbors have been sweeping all of the dirt away from their door and leaving it in front of ours. I’m guessing it’s supposed to be a passive-aggressive way of getting us to remove the few dog hairs from the staircase but the cleaning people cleaned it Thursday when they were here and it doesn’t really bother me.
Also, a week before my neighbor talked to me we found a small ball of dog hair in our mailbox and I’ve been thinking it might have been that neighbor who did it.
I don’t think it is my job to clean the staircase and I can’t completely ensure my dog doesn’t shed out there and I already brush her once sometimes twice a week.
But I’ve been wondering if maybe I am a jerk for not doing anything about it, I do feel bad my neighbor is experiencing rashes and probably discomfort. AITJ?
Edit: I don’t know how the neighbor is getting a rash around her mouth or if I misunderstood and she meant her throat is scratching.
It can be hard to understand them since they are an older middle eastern looking couple who speaks very little Danish.
It is very easy to see the hairs are from my dog since she pointed directly at some white dog hairs between our two doors and the other dog in the building is a Yorkie who lives on the floor below us.
They do not own a cat, only one other neighbor in this building has a cat, but I know a few others from the 2 other buildings in our department have cats as well.
If they wanted any other small pet like fish, rabbit, guinea pig, small snakes, or whatever they could get that any place they wanted even places with ‘pets not allowed’ since that is allowed by law in Denmark unless otherwise stated in the rental agreement which it rarely rarely ever is.
A lot of people (actually most it seems) are encouraging me to report this behavior and since so many agree I will take that advice and do that via email. If anyone is wondering why I didn’t consider this as escalating harassment I will mention that here in Denmark people are often much more passive-aggressive than confrontational. At least in my experience.
And putting stuff in people’s mailboxes isn’t seen as that big of a deal, we even have a hated tradition where teens and immature adults blow up mailboxes every New Year’s Eve.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Your neighbors moving into an apartment that allows pets despite being allergic to dogs is a pretty stupid thing for them to do. Not sure why she has to do what she has done but I think she knows she can’t do anything about your dogs since pets are allowed, so she settles with the passive-aggressive stuff.
Report to the building manager about what’s happening but don’t point fingers yet. If lucky, the investigation might catch your neighbor red-handed. As for you, just go on with your day as usual.” Bibingka_Malagkit
Another User Comments:
“NTJ! If you have a pet allergy, go live in a building with no pets. If their allergy was so bad, how are you able to handle fur when it’s convenient?
I’d complain to management and ask them to speak to her. This is harassment. Tell your neighbor all of this leaving fur around your doorstep and mailbox is about to be a real problem.
I’d start leaving the fur at their door after the pup’s grooming sessions. If petty isn’t your thing, get a ring doorbell.” Suggahsweet1
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. ‘Giving her a rash around her mouth.’ Why is your neighbor licking the staircase?
That’s a really weird allergic reaction to have to a dog. Maybe she should see a doctor and bring the apartment management a statement about her allergies so they can move her elsewhere.
Mention to management that this person is harassing you about a dog that’s on your lease, and also that she’s leaving piles of dirt in front of your door and possibly stuff in your mailbox.
That is over-the-top behavior they need to know about. You might even find that she’s harassing other neighbors as well.” MmeHomebody
1. AITJ For Humiliating My Grandparents In Public?
“My Dad’s parents are both self-centered jerks. Their #1 priority has always been for people to think they have this ‘perfect’ family with ‘perfect’ kids. They didn’t care at all about Dad’s happiness and just wanted him to be the perfect trophy son who they could rub in their friends’ faces.
They forced him into activities that made him miserable. My Dad got a knee injury that still affects him now from a bully on the wrestling team that my grandparents forced him to join.
They blamed Dad for the bullying and only cared that he wouldn’t be able to do sports anymore.
Their falling-out happened when my Dad stood up to them and told them that he was not going to be a doctor or lawyer.
They didn’t come to his college graduation or wedding. Dad gave them one last chance to change their ways and be in my life, but they refused because I was being raised by my father and would turn out ‘bad like him.’ My uncle is nine years younger than Dad, he also was a natural academic/athlete, so obviously my grandparents were very different parents to him and were thrilled to be grandparents to my cousin V.
Now my grandparents are always annoyed with V because she isn’t a straight-A cheerleader or whatever they want to impress their friends with. V says they still complain because when V was six, she did Ballet, and they could impress their friends with her.
V was one of the people who cut her hair to show support for cancer patients at her school’s cancer awareness rally. Our grandparents literally threw a temper tantrum because V changed her OWN hair without their input.
My grandparents barely even talked to me before, but they’ve suddenly been super friendly (only to me, they still ignore my Dad) and show up to all my events. Whenever they try to make conversation, I just politely say ‘That’s nice’ and that I have to get back home and work on homework.
Earlier this week I had my choir concert where I got two solo songs. My grandparents were there, and after the show ended were loudly saying ‘You did so well, honey! That’s OUR grandchild!’ I tried to again leave by saying I had to go, but they stopped me and said how they just wanted to say they were so ‘heartbroken’ by V’s ‘spiteful rebelling’ and how they were so proud of me succeeding ‘despite your father.’
This really set me off, so I loudly told them they need to stop pretending to be amazing grandparents when they were only interested in me because their golden grandchild stopped being perfect enough for them.
The other attendees pretended not to pay attention, but I noticed several whispering. My grandfather just snapped that they were leaving and my grandmother looked like she was going to cry. Several acquaintances have said even though the way they did it was unhealthy, my grandparents were ultimately trying to do what they believed would be best for us.
And I was out of line to publically humiliate my elderly grandparents, who even if misguided, were trying to show support and pride in me. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“How are these people finding out about these events of yours, to begin with, if they went no contact with your father?
Anyway, NTJ here.
It sounds like they only swoop in to take credit for their perceived views on success, rather than showing up to support their family. The fact they also bring up your father and V’s failures to live up to their expectations at a moment when you had a moment to be celebrated is also quite poignant — they sound like narcissists who use their approval/disapproval as tokens to spread amongst their family.
Kudos to your dad for staying true to himself and raising a human who’s willing to draw their boundaries.” happytobeherethnx
Another User Comments:
“Yes. YTJ.
They are old. You have no idea what’s going on inside their head.
You are making assumptions about what they are thinking and why they behave(d) the way they did (do).
Again: they are old and going to die soon. Just let them live the rest of their life without you throwing a fit at their expense.
If you don’t like being around them, then avoid them at all costs. Go to a different church, avoid family gatherings, etc.
Do what you got to do to make the final days of these old people’s lives decent.
And really, you being around them, thinking the way you do, is upsetting to you also. So why are you doing it?” Embarrassed_Ad9552
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
You are not the one who made this a public issue, they did.
Tell the truth to anyone you want, if your grandparents really think they haven’t done anything wrong, they won’t care. If they feel ashamed because people know about their own actions, that means they believe those actions are shameful.” InternationalAide137
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here.
Your grandparents: they’re on the back nine of life, and the clubhouse is probably in view, so now they’re making a last-ditch effort to have some semblance of a relationship with you after a lifetime of trashy behavior.
You: Only for the fact that you did it publicly and inflicted your family drama onto innocent onlookers. While public humiliation can be instantly gratifying, all it really does is bring attention to your family drama and leave the bystanders feeling awkward.” BadBandit1970
