People Can’t Handle The Stress Of Their “Am I The Jerk?” Stories
23. AITJ For Refusing To Babysit My Cousin's Child For Free While She's On Vacation?
“So my cousin booked a trip for 14 days and called me today saying she will need me to watch her daughter for these days. I ask what’s going on, what’s the emergency because I haven’t talked to her in nearly 5 months plus they don’t ever watch my kids for free, come to parties no nothing.
So she then goes on to say “I will need you to drop her off and pick her up every morning,” then laughs and says, “you will already be at the house you don’t work a regular 9-5” because I have a business.
I stopped her and said, “for one you didn’t even ask me, you’re straight up telling me what I’m going to do when in fact I’m not.”
She says, “well the trip is already paid for.”
I told her, “well take the child with you.”
To note, she charged me for the time she watched my child and that was an emergency (life-threatening) so I asked her how much will she provide.
She says, “ohh I used all my money for the trip and since we are cousins it should be free.”
She then made a post saying how if I don’t watch her daughter she will never talk to me again like no, I do not care.
I made a post and said people only call me when they want something. Now the family is making it seem like I’m the problem and come to find out it’s a whole girl cousin’s family trip that I wasn’t invited to that I found out from my auntie.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You were not invited on the trip because she wanted you to be available to babysit her child. She is a user, who somehow feels entitled to your services. Tell her no. And go away for a few days starting a day before she leaves for the trip!!
So that she cannot just show up (in spite of your saying no) and dump her child on you, guilt you into taking care of the child.” bkwormtricia
Another User Comments:
“NTJ your cousin is selfish and a huge jerk. They should have asked you not told you that you were going to watch their kid.
You don’t owe her free childcare at any given time. It’s insane she made you pay to watch your child during an emergency but she can’t even be bothered to ask to pay for her kid while she’s gone so many days. The family that’s on her side that expects you to drop everything for her can start helping your cousin out from now on because she’s ungrateful and you’re done being taken advantage of.” CODE_NAME_DUCKY
22. AITJ For Locking My Garage To Keep My Nieces And Nephews Out?
“I (38m) am married to my wife (36f) and my nieces and nephews (her nieces and nephews) have been staying with us for a bit since their parents are…not in the best state.
I know they’re going through a lot, so I offered for them to stay with us. They’re all good kids, but the problem is they like to roam around, especially in the garage. I have a decent amount of stuff in there I probably wouldn’t want them around like our cars and sports equipment (BAD BAD COMBO) and also and paintball guns, bikes that are hung up on walls (I will be in serious trouble if anything falls on them) and it’s organized in a pretty certain way, I wouldn’t want them messing it up.
On Saturday, they were in there. They were almost going to touch a grill I was painting, but I caught them and asked them to leave which they did. On Sunday, same thing. Poking around in the garage. So I asked them to leave, but before I went to bed, I decided to lock the garage door so they couldn’t get in the next morning.
My wife found out when she was heading to the gym and couldn’t open the door and when she found the key, she didn’t hesitate to ask what the heck was up with me before she left, and even now as I’m home and we’ve discussed it, she thinks it’s no big deal for them to be in the garage and I’m just being extra about it.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You always keep the door between your home and any attached garage LOCKED. Garage doors are perilously insecure. From a burglar’s perspective, they might as well not exist. The more that I think about this, the more confused I am, though.
Why would the door to the garage need a key on the house side? Aren’t the locks usually thumb-turn on the interior?” StAlvis
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. The fact is, the paintball guns, bikes, cars, etc. are YOUR personal property. Your nieces and nephews do not have any right to hang around in the garage if you do not want them to be there.
Kids are naturally curious and if they damage or break something, you will be forcing their parents to be liable. Please convey this very clearly to the kids and tell your wife that you need her to be on the same page. I don’t know how old your nieces and nephews are, but they need to know that they will be facing consequences, even if any of your property gets damaged by accident.” Popular_Document1399
Another User Comments:
“If the kids can’t keep their hands to themselves, it sounds like they either are too young or too immature to be trusted in the garage by themselves. All of those things can be a major safety risk if they got too handsy with them.
Not to mention the more likely potential damage to property. Just because they’re staying with you doesn’t mean they have free range to the whole house. Do they have free range to your bedroom? Can they go through your drawers and closets without your supervision?
I’m assuming not, so obviously it’s normal to have some level of boundaries even with your own kids. As long as there’s nothing in the garage they need or might reasonably use (eg extra fridge with snacks or drinks), there’s no need for them to go in there.
She can be upset all she wants but I’m sure if they broke or scratched something, she’d be the first to say OP can’t be mad because they’re just kids. Perfect reason to remove the risk from the equation.” Sharp-Stay4217
21. AITJ For Being Upset At My Dad For Posting My Kids' Pictures On Social Media Without Consent?
“I told my parents years ago that I don’t want my kids “Jack and Sally” on social media and they said they wouldn’t post anything.
A few hiccups and reminders here and there and fast forward to this week and Dad said that he hasn’t posted Jack and Sally on social media since I asked… come to find out he has blocked me and my spouse and has been posting little Sally’s happy birthday pic anyway.
When I confronted Dad that he has no consent of the parents (me) to be posting my kids, he says it’s not a big deal, basically that I’m being dramatic, doesn’t acknowledge it upsetting me, that it’s disrespectful and violates our privacy, and rambles on that he’s so proud of them and it’s the only way family far away can see them grow, that I’m basically ungrateful and I always make him feel bad like he did the worst thing ever and what kind of daughter am I and that I need psychiatric therapy.
Whoa what? Then he makes me feel bad that he’s done all the things for me growing up etc.
A simple “sorry I’ll ask you first next time” with follow-through would have been great but instead, I got “you need psychiatric help.” Am I supposed to be giving more grace since I was given all the things growing up… AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Of course NTJ. He is trying to make you feel guilty. He did something that he knew he was not allowed to do. He also planned it. Your father doesn’t simply put some photos of your kids on the internet, he firstly blocked you off (and your partner), so you wouldn’t be able to see it, and then put their photos.
If I were you I would have reported those photos to social media that they were put without your knowledge. It is the parent’s obligation to raise their children. They are bound by law to do it if they decide to have one. Nobody has forced them to have you.
He is clearly guilt-tripping you. He was lying to you and now he is trying to pose as a victim when you found out. Do not let him do it.” Hopstorm
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If parents say no photos of children on social media, everyone should follow these rules!
Your dad tried to get likes for your children’s pictures and tried to guilt you after you found out. He knew he did something he wasn’t supposed to do – by blocking you and your husband. If possible tell him and your mom (I think, she knew unless he blocked her also, and didn’t tell you) that they are not allowed to see their grandkids or get any photos unless they respect your decisions as parents and apologize for what dad did and for what he said.” Trevena_Ice
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, go ahead and tell your family all about him, and stop having him come around your children. He’s your dad, but you’re the parent to your kids, and he doesn’t get to overrule you and your wishes. It’s perfectly reasonable to want to keep your kids off the internet.
It’s perfectly fine if you want to share them too, there are good arguments for both. But what there’s no good argument for is disrespecting the wishes and decisions of the parents who want their kids’ pictures to stay offline. The ungrateful one is your father, who has been getting the privilege of seeing his grandkids regularly.
Time for that to stop.” SquallkLeon
20. AITJ For Not Wanting To Travel With My 3 Month Old To Meet Family?
“I (21f) am currently 35 weeks pregnant. With the baby coming soon we have been trying to coordinate with family and friends on when they can come and meet our little one. My husband’s (22m) family lives in Kansas. We are in Idaho. Originally, my husband’s aunt and grandma were going to travel to us in June (I am due in May) to meet her.
However, just this morning my MIL informed me that they would most likely not be able to make it. They (MIL, aunt, and grandma) were hoping we would fly down to Kansas in August with our baby so everyone (cousins, uncles, etc.) could meet her.
They would pay for our airfare and lodging. Our baby would be around 3 months old at the time.
I am completely against this idea for multiple reasons, the biggest being her weakened immune system and being around all the people in the plane and airports.
Not to mention how difficult it would be to travel for so many hours and get set up in a whole new location and time zone all with a newborn. When I voiced my concerns to my MIL she said “I didn’t realize you guys were planning on isolating” and “so you’ll plan a Christmas trip with your family but won’t go down to meet our family” (she would be 7 months old around Christmas)
I feel really bad but I don’t feel comfortable taking my newborn that far just so people can meet her. I’m a first-time mom and I’m just not sure if I’m being over dramatic and being the jerk or if my reasons are valid here.
So, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It’s your call and you don’t have to justify yourself to anyone. MIL is revealing that she’s going to be a pain in the butt. “Didn’t realize you were isolating” = passive-aggressive. “So you’ll visit your family for xmas but not ours” = manipulative attempt to induce guilt.
If you’re prone to guilt you’re gonna have to stiffen your spine real quick if you don’t want this joyful milestone to be a misery. One option is to tell her what you’re willing to do with rigid, specific boundaries. Like “it’s fine for you to come visit during X window of time.
After the first 6 months, we’ll assess at that point.” Don’t engage her carping — including comparisons to your family.” Justsaying0000
Another User Comments:
“You reply to MIL: No, I am not saying we are isolating. I am saying that baby won’t be traveling until she has had all her shots and it is safer for her to be around strangers.
I understand that you and grandma/aunt/whoever, is disappointed about the delay, I’m just not comfortable exposing the baby to extra germs at such a young age. August won’t work for us, how about October? Don’t bother to engage or argue.
Avoid saying that the baby will be passed around to strangers. Because his family aren’t strangers, they are, technically, family. But to your baby they are strangers. With germs she hasn’t been exposed to yet. Let MIL be cranky, tell her she is welcome to come in August and visit, you will still be happy to go in September.
I understand where you are coming from. I also have taken newborns to funerals and on trips. But we all make the choices that are best for us. Other mothers, even MILs are not allowed to try and berate or change the mind of another mother.
We support each other.” Tinkerpro
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I was going to say no jerks here, but your MIL’s guilt trips about “isolating” and your Christmas plans make her a jerk. I think it was pretty nice of them to offer to fly you down so everyone can meet the baby at once.
However, it’s understandable that you’re unsure of what you’ll feel comfortable with at the time. Right now, it sounds like a terrible idea to you. Three months post-partum, you may feel the same, or you may be really eager for an opportunity to get out and see other people.
If I were you, I would express this to MIL. Tell her that, at this point, you don’t feel comfortable with the idea of taking the baby on a national tour. But ask her to check in a month or so after birth and see if your perspective has changed. If she’s worried that the price of the flights will go up, tell her she can make plane reservations so long as they are fully refundable and she understands that, as of right now, your answer is no.” JeepersCreepers74
19. AITJ For Not Wanting My Mom's Colleague At My Graduation?
“I (18F) am graduating next week. I’ve been really excited about this for a long time (as my 8th-grade graduation was effectively canceled), and have therefore had a very clear idea in my head of what the events leading up to it, as well as the actual day, would be like.
I have also known that the guest room in our house was going to be occupied by one of my mother’s colleagues/distant relatives — let’s call him Jack. I don’t remember ever meeting Jack, and I definitely don’t feel like I know him in the slightest, though my mother says he has stayed in our house before, around 7-8 years ago.
Two days ago, I was celebrating an award with my family when the topic of Jack was brought up, this time with the added idea that they wanted to bring Jack to my senior dinner. I said I felt no reason for him to be there, as his plane would land just before the dinner, I didn’t know who he was, and we had already RSVP’d spots for all three of my family members.
My father agreed, and my mother didn’t bring it up again.
Until today. This morning, my mother told me she wanted Jack to go to my senior dinner, forgetting I’d mentioned I didn’t want him there. My mother asked why, finding that since the “host allowed, I should too.” I said that since she has a habit of completely ignoring/brushing me aside when she brings colleagues to these events, and again, I don’t know him, I still didn’t want him attending.
I continued, rhetorically asking if he was going to come to my graduation, too. She said yes. I told my father that she wanted to bring this guy to graduation, and he agreed that she would likely make the event about him and that it was weird she brought it up again.
When she got home, I mentioned it again, in a fairly angry tone (as we had already discussed his non-attendance two days prior), and said that since I didn’t know this guy, I didn’t want him there. She claimed that since he was going to NC only to visit us (and that the talk he was giving at the nearby university and the subsequent dinner with the dean were purely coincidental), he should be able to come.
I reiterated that since I didn’t know the guy, he could not attend. I also gave an ultimatum — either she could come without him, or she can’t come at all. She said she would rather not attend. I was shocked and angry, and asked (in a moment of teenage dramatics) if “she really cared about him more than me.” She said yes.
I lashed out at her, yelling that I couldn’t believe she would really rather him be there than come to my graduation without someone I’ve never met.
AITJ for not wanting him there? Was I being too dramatic with the ultimatum, even though I also know that my ultimatum ultimately meant nothing, as I now know that my mother will attend with Jack whether I agreed he should be there or not.”
Another User Comments:
“This is very strange. What does your dad say about this? It’s your graduation, why does your mother think she has the right to override your wishes about not wanting someone you don’t know at your graduation? I really don’t know what you can do about this except enlist your father to change his wife’s mind.
She sounds overbearing. NTJ.” tuffyowner
Another User Comments:
“Wow she called your bluff. Did your mother invite Jack to come at this time? Or did he just show up? I suppose it’s awkward to have a guest and exclude him from everything. His attending seems a bit awkward for you though.
NTJ but not sure this is the hill you want to die on. Hopefully, Jack will stay fairly quiet and you can just introduce him truthfully as a family friend.” Both-Ad1586
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Sorry your mother is such a self-centered person. You deserve better.
This is YOUR graduation. Aren’t tickets required? Make sure you only have the 3 you need. Tell your dad to make sure they don’t bring him. Tell Jack you don’t want him there. If necessary, tell the school you don’t want him there.” Fearless_Ad1685
18. AITJ For Not Inviting My Sister's Partner To My Fiancé's Graduation Dinner?
“My (27f) fiance (26m) just graduated from college with his BS, to celebrate he wanted a small dinner with the people he was closest to. Originally it was just going to be my parents, his brother, and SIL. That was all he wanted. He’s also close with my sister and our shared friend so I asked him “Are you sure?
What about sister and friend?” To which he responded, “yeah that’s fine but just them, nobody else.” I said okay and made the group chat with everyone about it.
About a week later I received a text from my sister asking who was all going.
I told her who was invited and she responded with a text saying “and (partner).” I told her no, it was just supposed to be her, no extended company. She got defensive saying that it was weird he couldn’t come and that she had already invited him.
I told her I don’t know why she did that when he wasn’t invited and that it’s Fiancé’s dinner and he’s allowed to invite whoever he wants. She continues questioning me saying that now it will be weird because she has to uninvite her partner.
She then texted my fiance again asking if she could bring her partner to which he responded no, she then said she wouldn’t be coming. Our mom said my sister should be able to bring her partner and she agrees with my sister that it’s weird he can’t come.
A couple of other people agreed with my sister and now they’re saying I’m a jerk. So, AITJ for not inviting my sister’s partner to a dinner for my fiancé’s graduation?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It’s your fiancé’s celebration. It’s up to him to decide who should come.
If he doesn’t want your sister’s partner to come, that’s fine. It’s not up to everyone else to decide who to invite or for them to pass judgment on who is or isn’t coming. Was it clear up front that only your sister was invited and she was not to invite anyone else?
It’s possible this was a misunderstanding on her part and she just assumed she could invite him. However, her subsequent reaction is kind of unfortunate.” goldenfingernails
Another User Comments:
“Your fiance should just cancel and reschedule on a different night, minus the sister. And the sister need not be informed of the new dinner plans.
Sister shouldn’t have been inviting anybody else to somebody else’s celebration. Obviously, she and her partner will figure out the partner isn’t anybody’s favorite guy, or he could have been accommodated, (restaurants are good about that sort of thing). But that isn’t your problem.
Eating out is expensive and the new graduate shouldn’t have to include anybody if they don’t want to. NTJ.” YouthNAsia63
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Since you didn’t make or control the guest list, you can’t be expected to include someone specifically denied by the person hosting the event.
You were loyal to your fiancé’s directions and your sister was simply being loyal to her partner, so she isn’t a jerk either. This created an impasse that nobody wanted to resolve enough to compromise or change their position. I struggle with the question of inviting only half of an established couple to family events, unless there is a valid reason.
I don’t really see one in the OP, where the sister’s partner’s worst traits are; not a friend, introverted and has their own opinions. Regardless of any how contentious his differing views are, it’s your fiancé’s party and he has made his decision. Your sister is standing by her man and letting everyone know that he is her choice for a partner and he isn’t going to be replaced by someone that you may like better.
You and your fiancé will have to learn to accept her choice (and him) if you want to keep your relationship with your sister intact.” Ungrateful-Dead
17. AITJ For Standing Up To My Parents' Criticism About My Academic Choices?
“I (17F), my dad (49M) and my mom (50F) live together.
I will enter one of the most important exams in my life in three weeks.
I am anxious but I try to keep calm. However, my mom is making this very difficult for me. This is the national university admissions test I will be entering. I am a science and mathematics student with good grades. But my mom isn’t content.
Yesterday, I got accepted to a university in New Zealand with my own efforts. After learning this, I shared the news with my mom. For me, getting into a university from a system that I didn’t even prepare for is insane! But she started screaming at me.
She told me, “Do you really hate me that much that you applied to these places? You want to go far away? Guess what? Love is always conditional. Once you turn 18 then, bye sweetie, you are out.” I recorded the things she said just in case.
This morning, one of my advisors from my cram school called my mom to ask how I am doing, informing her about the changes made in the schedule. There was a review class I decided not to attend, I know the topics very well. I made this decision on my own and didn’t inform her.
She screamed at me again today, for not informing her. Supposedly, I needed to inform her about this as I am not an adult yet. We had a fight again. I told her she always tries to be the victim and I am tired of her behaviour.
Then, I asked Dad for help. He told me it is just fine, I should just say okay and not pay attention to her. I didn’t think it is fine. I also told him how my mom threatened to throw me out and he didn’t believe me.
I showed him the record and he told me “Eh, she is just like that sometimes. I’m sure she didn’t mean that, she loves you.”
For the rest of the day, she kept storming into my room telling me how far I am from where I should be now (which I know is very wrong.
I try my best NO MATTER what and that’s why I came so far in the first place). Finally, I stared at her, locking my room immediately. I kept it locked. For dinner I went to the kitchen, this time both my parents stated their distaste for my current state in academics (with my mom in an aggressive manner and my dad being passive).
I told them I will never be grateful for this, how I wanted their support for once, and told them I will leave home immediately and never return after getting accepted to a university. My mother told me I am a horrible daughter and how other children are amazing.
I looked at my dad for help and he apologetically stared, then left.
This much pressure in 21 days is insane even for someone resilient like me. I am not able to understand whether this behavior is okay or not, and all of this “froze” my study efforts today.
I have assignments and lectures for tomorrow. I am still confused if I did what was right.
AITJ? Please tell me what you think. I need to hear someone’s opinion. Thank you.”
Another User Comments:
“You are NTJ. Your mother is mentally sick in the head & no matter what you do she will NEVER be happy.
Go to whatever school is the one that will help you fulfill your life dreams, goals, career & desires. Seek out the people in whatever you do. Celebrate you for who you are & support you. Leave behind the people (even family) who do not celebrate you, Good luck and go out and live an awesome life!” WolverineBackground7
Another User Comments:
“NTJ I know your mom’s behavior all too well, though mine was less “gtfo” and more like “why are you always treating me like the bad guy” kinda vibes. My feelings were rarely validated and she was abusive. It was only recently that she finally woke up and took accountability.
I’m 42, she’s 74. My point is, you’re in a very rough environment, and I’m so sorry you grew up in that. Please know that you’re incredibly wise beyond your years, which, I’m sad to say, is in part due to your traumas. You were forced to grow up fast to survive.
I know how that is, as well. Our brain is quite amazing, especially when it wants to protect us from external threats. In your case, you have a very abusive mother and a negligent father with no spine. I wish you so much luck in NZ.
You deserve everything you’ve accomplished. I know I’m a complete stranger online, but I want you to know that I’m genuinely proud of you. You’ve done so much while under so much stress. Once you leave that terrible home and settle into your life in NZ, please learn how to really breathe.
Deep, long, satisfying breaths that let your brain know that you’re safe now. When you return to your home country, seek a therapist if you can. You have a lot to unpack. You’re gonna be okay, hun. Keep repeating to yourself that you’ll be outta there very soon.
Block your mom once you do. Your dad might grow a spine at some point, so don’t block him unless your mom takes advantage of it.” Golden_Enby
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Please, just breathe. You need a steady, calming mantra to combat this abusive behavior.
Mine is I am strong, I am powerful, I am everything I need to be. (it is for when I am working out and it’s getting hard and I don’t think I can finish) Clear your mind and daydream about your studies, and how good it feels to know all that you have accomplished. YOU did all this, no one else.
You have what it takes to create a wonderful University career and a fulfilling life going forward. BIG congrats for focusing on what you love!” randomgirlG
16. AITJ For Leaving The Bridal Shop After Finding Mean Texts About Me?
“I have two friends: Gaby and Shelly. All of us are 23, if that matters. We were roommates in college and stayed in the same city after graduation. While the three of us are close, I’ve always known that Gaby and Shelly are the closest. They have a really sweet friendship.
Shelly is getting married. Gaby is the maid of honor and I’m one of the bridesmaids. Over the weekend, I went with Shelly so she could look at wedding dresses. Gaby was supposed to come with us but got called into work last minute.
I helped Shelly pick out some dresses then she went with the consultant to try them on. Shelly asked that I take pictures and videos on her phone to send to her mom and Gaby. I was getting the camera ready when a text from Gaby came through.
I didn’t mean to click on it and was instantly going to click back out when I saw one of my Instagram pictures in their private chat from earlier that morning. Both were making fun of me for the face I was making and my outfit choice.
It didn’t appear to be very good nature.
I admit, curiosity got the best of me so I searched my name in the chat. I found multiple pictures that I, my partner and my mom have posted of myself, absolutely ripping them to shreds.
Ranging from selfies to posed shots to even a few baby pictures. They’d also make fun of me in general in terms of the way I talked, wore my hair, and the way I ate. This went back as far as I could tell, at least a year.
My heart broke. It all felt so juvenile and high school. While we all joke around, I would never do this to them nor have they ever even tried to instigate these types of conversations with me about the other one-on-one. I was in tears.
As someone who was bullied all through middle and high school, it just brought me back to a horrible place. I put the phone in Shelly’s purse and brought it to another employee, telling her to tell Shelly that I had to go. I drove home and had a long cry.
Shelly texted me by the time I made it home asking where I went. I said I was going home and we could talk later. When she did call a few hours later, she was understandably confused and hurt that I left. I told her what I found, explaining that I only looked further because of the initial text I accidentally saw.
She went off on me for looking through her private texts and said those were none of my business. She also told me I shouldn’t have left the store without saying anything. I said I didn’t want to make a scene but also knew I couldn’t fake being happy for her.
Shelly told me the texts were “all in good fun” and clearly she loves me because I’m going to be her bridesmaid. She added that I’m only hurt because I chose to read all those texts. Later on, Gaby called to tell me that I invaded Shelly’s privacy and hurt her by walking out.
My partner and mom think I did the right thing by walking out. But obviously, they’re a little biased. I just want some unbiased opinions: was I a jerk to look through the texts and then leave?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If I was in your place, I think I’d drop out of being in the wedding.
It’s one thing to jokingly make fun of someone 1 time but seems like they have done this to you a bunch of times. And it doesn’t seem like it was light-hearted. If I was you I wouldn’t feel bad about looking through those messages at all, she handed her phone to you and feels like fate took the opportunity to expose them to you for who they are.” hereforyounot
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Searching her phone was maybe crossing the line, but that line is far less important than two supposed friends spending months making fun of you behind your back. The all-in-good fun excuse doesn’t hold water because you were not a party to it.
You don’t hide things like that from people unless you’re aware of the fallout that would happen if you didn’t. I can guarantee you that the vast majority of the people who will comment on this thread would never make fun of their friends to other friends behind their backs.
This is mean girl behavior. It’s passive-aggressive, it’s mean-spirited and it’s not how real friends treat their friends. They were making fun of you because they’re mean and not very nice people. And they hid it from you because they are mean and not very nice people.
She made excuses and blamed you for the situation because she is mean and not a very nice person. You should drop them both like a hot potato because they’re mean and not very nice people. My only caveat here is if you engage in similar behavior with either of them, having private chats and making fun of other friends.
If you do, then everyone’s a jerk.” Lendyman
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Neither of these girls is your friend. They are deceitful mean girls who didn’t even have the decency to apologize after you found out that they were being mean to you and secretly ganging up on you.
They are bullies and you are doing a disservice to yourself to continue relationships with either of them. Take out your phone, block their numbers, and take the time to find real friends who love and respect you. You don’t need them and they certainly don’t value you so don’t give them a single second more of your energy.
Love yourself and respect yourself enough to know that you deserve better.” saintandvillian
15. AITJ For Telling My Classmate To Stop Using My Seizures As An Excuse To Leave School Early?
“So I am 15 (f). I have epilepsy. I have seizures once or twice every week or so. My classmate 15(f) often uses this to go home early. Let’s call her Emma. So I have seizures in school.
Emma likes to use this to go home. She was ranting to other people in my form class last week about how scary it is to witness a seizure and that she gets so much anxiety that she has to go home. The thing is I would understand that she was scared but everyone is so focused on her that I get little help.
For example, I had hurt my head while having a seizure. I had minor bleeding but I was still bleeding and Emma was crying and nobody was there to help me.
I got frustrated when she came up to me the next day and said “It was so scary seeing you have a seizure.
This happens so often. You need to take better care of yourself and realize you’re harming others too.” I lost it and said “at least I don’t go home after seeing/hearing about my seizures.”
For context – Emma has only seen one of my seizures as she is often in late/or just skips class.
She has heard about them more and still goes home.
So AITJ??”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. And the fact that you aren’t getting serious medical attention because it is a VERY big deal. If she has a problem, then the school needs to set something up where she can leave the class and go straight to the counselor’s office, etc when you seize.
Because her reactions in class are a danger to YOUR health. You also need to go with your parents to the school and address the fact that the teachers are not responding to your medical emergency. And that you need to be responded to FIRST, before they check on other students.
As what’s happening right now is a safety concern.” AffectionateMarch394
Another User Comments:
“Before you talk with Emma, you need to talk to your teacher or a guidance counselor, they need to be looped in, maybe she’s just being a jerk and looking for any excuse to skip, or maybe she really does have severe anxiety and seeing you have a seizure is traumatic for her.
But you need to let your teacher know that your needs aren’t being met when she starts crying and you’re being left unattended. Maybe you need to have an aide with you at all times, or even just have a teacher’s assistant/parent helper to help keep things from turning into utter chaos.
Now I’m hesitant to suggest this, but do you have one or two trusted friends that can focus solely on you if/when she freaks out so you have help? The reason I hesitate to suggest it is because it shouldn’t be the responsibility of a couple of teenagers to care for you, it should be an adult.
This is NTJ or possibly no jerks here, depending if Emma is really struggling or being a jerk.” Equal-Brilliant2640
14. AITJ For Going Wedding Dress Shopping Without My Mom After She Body-Shamed Me?
“My mom and sister took me wedding dress shopping and my mom had already given me a budget and told me she was gonna pay for my dress but when we were trying on dresses she was being really rude about everything.
My sister was telling her to stop and telling me I looked beautiful but she was just mentioning different aspects of the dress that made me start to feel insecure, especially since all the dresses I stepped out in I felt confident in. The attendant really tried with me but when my mom saw me in the dress she made comments like “that dress really accentuates the fact that you need to lose weight.” “You look short and overweight in that dress., that’s the worst combination” (writing it down, my mom does sound horrible but she is just a blunt person, not a horrible person).
My mom’s only requirement for buying my dress was that she wanted to experience dress shopping with me but I knew if she went along with me I wouldn’t be happy so I told her I didn’t want her to pay for my dress and basically told her that she didn’t need to pay for my dress.
Now I’m a dad’s girl and I was crying to my dad about not finding a dress and not knowing how I’m going to afford a dress because wedding dresses are crazy expensive. He told me that it’s okay and told me he would pay for my dress and took me shopping.
He took me dress shopping with my brother and little cousin (they’re 14) because my aunt couldn’t get them from school and believe it or not I had a really good experience, my dad cried and that was the first time I had ever seen him cry.
My brother and cousin were making jokes and complimenting me on every dress, maybe because they don’t know much about fashion so they couldn’t really nitpick.
I got a dress, adjustments are still going to be made but it’s my dream dress and I’m happy with it.
I went home with my dad and brother and we told them we got a dress for me, and my sister and mom looked visibly upset. I knew my mom was gonna be upset but I didn’t really expect my sister to be mad at me.
They felt like I was excluding them and I was trying to hurt my mom’s feelings, my mom was also upset because she felt like I always make her the bad guy. I understand why my mom feels that way because I have always been closer to my dad but I have always been midsize (160lb at 5’6) and my mom has always been someone to dwell on beauty, dieting, makeup, etc I don’t know if that’s just how she is but she does come from a Slavic background so maybe that’s how she grew up herself.
While my dad has always never really cared for that stuff and always been like I look healthy and I have always just identified with his hobbies more.
I don’t feel like I excluded them, since we did go dress shopping together but everyone but my dad and brother thinks otherwise.”
Another User Comments:
“Stop trying to validate everybody else’s feelings and make the statement you did exclude them from your dress shopping. Because the first time they went your mom was being a complete mean girl and making you feel awful in every dress you picked out.
Your dad was happy to see you feel and look beautiful and you got the dress that made you feel great. Let everyone else see what they want. It doesn’t matter, it’s your day. Tell your mom and say if you’re going to be this crazy and you don’t like the dress, then don’t come to the wedding.
And watch her change her tune immediately. You don’t have to be a people pleaser. It’s your day! Make yourself happy and stop listening to people who bring you down. NTJ.” Even_Enthusiasm7223
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Maybe I’m missing something, but while I don’t understand why you excluded your sister as it didn’t seem like she had any fault in your mom’s criticisms, it doesn’t mean that you’re excluding them, as you already took them out for dress-shopping.
Just because your mom didn’t like any of your dresses and also made an out-of-place comment about your weight, doesn’t mean you’re excluding her, when you proceed to take your dad with you the next time. Wanting to have a supportive parent rather than a ‘blunt’ one by your side is nothing to be ashamed of and I would encourage you to tell your mom and sister how her comments made you feel.” poisoned_poison
13. AITJ For Throwing Away My Partner's Moldy Emotional Support Water Bottle?
“My partner (F26) has had the same ’emotional support water bottle’ for approximately 3 years.
She takes it with her everywhere. And only drinks water out of that bottle.
I (M25) found out a month ago that she doesn’t wash it. Just refills it once it runs out.
So I washed it, and holy moly. There was mold growing inside.
I tried my best to clean it, but I couldn’t get it all out no matter how much I tried. I told her about the mold and that I think she needs to get a replacement water bottle. She said no. That it was her decision.
I kept bringing it up and she kept saying no.
So I went out and bought four different water bottles. One identical one and three that are really similar. Gave them to her and tried to explain that drinking out of a moldy water bottle is going to affect her health.
She relented and started taking the identical one to work. But she said she wanted to keep the original, just to have.
I backed off.
Well, yesterday I found the water bottle I bought with the lid still sealed and the original bottle half full.
I chucked it right then and there. I threw it in the bin and told her what I did. I said she can’t keep drinking out of that and putting her health at risk.
She is angry. Extremely angry. Her friends are all angry at me too, but her parents and siblings are all on my side.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Everyone’s a jerk here. Not your call mate. I totally agree with you that it is unhealthy and should be tossed. But, it wasn’t yours to throw away. You could ask her to do it, you can plead with her to do it.
You can even tell her it goes or you go. But, throwing away something that was obviously important to her was a jerk move.” baloo1970
Another User Comments:
“Not the jerk but also this woman needs therapy immediately. I don’t know what’s going on in her life, but no mental illness justifies literally drinking mold for the last 3 years.
If she truly can’t let go of a water bottle that is making her sick, then there is something much worse going on here. Tell her enabling friends to back off, and see if you can get a family member or 3 to back up your side and get her in to see a PCP for some tests as well.
I wouldn’t be surprised if she has lingering health effects from this. To everyone in the comments acting like she’s an adult and can make her own decisions, did you know that drinking mold can give you respiratory infections like bronchitis? Also, if she’s drinking mold and not brushing her teeth every time she drinks from her water bottle, OP is also being exposed to the mold.” ConstructionNo9678
Another User Comments:
“Some people in this comment section need to do a little more research before commenting, the whole “It’s only localized to her” argument is completely invalid. Mold is not something to have around food or water containers under any circumstances, mold is a fungal collection and as such the way it spreads is mainly through spores, tiny, microscopic spores that can cause serious health issues if consumed or breathed in.
This problem is more than just “my partner has a dirty water bottle that might hurt her and now she’s sad” this is more a “my partner tried to insist we have a biological health hazard in our house and is angry that I don’t want to put my own health at risk for her ’emotional support bottle.'” Not the jerk but seriously, get your partner some professional help, not necessarily a psychiatrist but certainly a therapist to deal with whatever she’s clearly not dealing with.” Leach1999
12. AITJ For Kicking Out My Sister's Fiancé After He Made Inappropriate Comments About Me?
“I (34f) am a surgeon and my sister Kelly is 25f. My sister and I aren’t related by b***d. I was adopted by our parents and I’m black while Kelly is white. My sister is currently getting married to a man named Jeff (29). I don’t like Jeff very much as he’s very suggestive at times to me but I’ve always brushed it off as long as he doesn’t cross a line.
I have told Kelly about this but she says he’s just joking and that’s his humor. Now we all had a gathering to celebrate their upcoming wedding at my house and Jeff was a bit tipsy and said he wished he was getting married to me as I’m “exotic” and I probably have a nice bank account due to my job.
This was very humiliating as it was in front of our family and I kicked Jeff out but Kelly left with him.
Kelly is mad at me as she says it’s my fault and I should do something about myself and of course Jeff is backing her up.
I responded that her insecurities weren’t my issue and how it’s not my responsibility to control other people’s fiancés. Now I’m uninvited to the wedding. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“W*F does your sister and her idiot fiancé think you can change about your skin tone and successful career path?
Don’t apologize for being a contributing member of society who gets paid well. You went through a lot of struggle and effort to get your MD. Saying her insecurities aren’t your issue wasn’t the right move but neither was her it’s your fault and you should do something about it.
That idiot fiancé saying in front of everyone he wishes he was marrying you for being exotic and financially stable is what your sister and family really need to address. NTJ.” Remarkable-World9396
Another User Comments:
“You’re absolutely NTJ. She doesn’t care enough to hold him accountable for his “jokes” and comments, even when it gets as explicit as that.
She’d rather try to hold YOU accountable for his actions…makes no sense, but it tells you something about their relationship dynamic. She’ll probably ignore/minimize 1000 red flags just to stay on good terms with him. And especially because you’re Black, she’s willing to dismiss harm done to you/not do any labor to protect you…even when her fiancé is openly disrespecting her.
(I’m also Black FYI.)” WhimzyWizard_
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Can’t imagine having grown up in a household with a mother that makes you carry the blame for something so ridiculous. Were you always made the scapegoat of your sister’s bad decisions? You sound protective of her even now.
She’s not a victim. She’s making choices that give her bad outcomes. She’s emboldened to expect you to change yourself so you won’t be appealing to a man who should only have eyes for her. Your mother is on your sister’s side. You grew up in that?
You’re holding on to that? Whatever you do, wherever you go, seek therapy. Even had you not gone into medicine, you were always better than that. You were always worthy of more. You have nothing to prove and owe nothing to your naysayers. Girl.” Special-Stage13
11. AITJ For Not Inviting My Recovering Addict Sister To My Wedding?
“I (F29) have had a horrible relationship with my sister Ella (F27) since our dad passed away 9 years ago. She fell in with a bad crowd, got involved with illicit substances, had legal issues, stole, and made racist comments about my Asian partner Sam (M28).
Mum has remained as close as possible with Ella and always encourages trying to repair the relationship. In the last year, Ella’s gone to rehab and begun trying to repair her relationship with our family, with positive results from most.
I’ve hung out with Ella a few times in groups and while it’s been ok so far, I don’t forgive her, I don’t trust her and I still hold a lot of resentment towards her.
As a result, I haven’t invited her to my wedding.
I told mum and she’s upset, saying that it’s horrible to exclude her after everything she’s been through, especially since she’s been trying so hard to turn her life around.
I admit she has improved, but I just don’t want to risk sour memories of my wedding day.
Sam supports me, but Mum told the rest of our family about the exclusion and everyone is saying I am being a jerk. That by excluding Ella, I am just worsening the issue.
I feel like since it is my wedding, it should be my choice but everyone is saying that by excluding her, I am hurting everyone.
I haven’t spoken to Ella, but I know she knows and Mum says she is really upset about the situation.
Am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – it is your wedding, you get to choose who you invite. Not that you need a reason but, she has made racist remarks about your partner, you don’t trust her and you still have resentment towards her.
Your wedding is not the time or the place for you to repair your relationship with her. Your sister is living with the consequences of her actions and while she is trying to repair relationships, which is commendable, she hasn’t been clean for very long and trust has to be rebuilt and relationships have to be reformed and that is going to take time and your family needs to understand that you aren’t there yet. ” Happy_Elephant4225
Another User Comments:
“Former addict here, been sober for probably about 11 or 12 years now. I wasn’t invited to a lot of things after going sober. Was even left off my grandmother’s obituary as a surviving relative while my siblings and cousins were put there. It hurt and still does, but I always understood.
I hurt a lot of people during my addiction, so it is what it is, I guess. That being said. I know my family regrets not including me in a lot of these things. I still get the occasional apology because they still feel bad about it.
NTJ with whichever choice you make. There’s a chance this could destroy any possibility of you two having a relationship in the future. There’s a chance where she could be like me and understand her actions led to this choice and be upset, but understand why you made this decision.
There’s also a chance you will regret this decision later on in your life. Bad situation to be in for sure. Wish you the best.” WiptyWap
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – your sister has caused you considerable stress and trauma and while she is trying to clean her act up – you have been willing to be around her – that’s enough – Your mom is the jerk for pressuring you to sweep it all under the rug and just act like nothing ever happened. Shame on her for pressuring you to move through complex emotions and issues at a speed with which you aren’t comfortable and for trying to force a relationship with someone who has hurt you deeply and on your special day.
Boo Hiss to your mom.” Hippy_Dippy_Gypsy
10. AITJ For Refusing To Lend My Car To My Brother Who Still Owes Me For Past Damages?
“I’m 27M. So about three months ago, I lent my car to my younger brother (25M) for a quick trip for the groceries. Unfortunately, he ended up rear-ending someone because he was distracted (idk what really happened there tbh). The damage wasn’t severe and thank goodness no one got hurt, but it was still a hassle to get everything fixed and deal with insurance and everything… it wasn’t cheap.
My brother promised to pay for the repairs, but he has only paid back about half of what he owes me so far.
Fast forward to last week, my brother asked if he could borrow my car again. This time, he wanted to take his partner out for a special date night.
He assured me he’s become a more attentive driver, but I was hesitant to just lend it to him because of what happened last time and also the fact he hasn’t fully paid me back yet for the repairs.
At the time, I told him no, explaining that I’m not comfortable lending out my car until he’s paid off his debt from the last incident.
I thought I said this pretty gently and sensitively, but he got very upset, calling me selfish and saying that I was ruining his plans (but why was he making plans around the assumption that I was gonna lend it to him?). My parents think I’m being too harsh and that I should just let him borrow the car to keep the peace.
I feel like I’m just trying to protect my property and ensure I’m not put in a difficult situation again. But now, I’m being made out to be the bad guy in my family… AITJ for refusing to lend my car to my brother?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Bold of him to assume you would let him borrow the car again. Not sure why your parents think they should insert their opinions – if they think you are being so harsh, they could offer up their own car(s). Years ago my sister borrowed my car and crashed it.
I’ve never let anyone borrow my car since. I don’t feel bad about it and you shouldn’t feel bad for saying no either.” Stranger0nReddit
Another User Comments:
“NTJ your brother sounds like an entitled brat and I’d tell him you’re going to put him on a repayment plan if he misses his payments you will charge 5% interest since that’s what you could get for that money if you had it in a savings account.
And I would tell your parents it’s their own behavior that encourages his bratty entitlement and that you are under no obligation to lend your property to anyone, let alone someone who has damaged your property and not fully repaid you. And that your brother needs to take responsibility for his own actions, and it’s sad you have to be the one to teach him the lessons instead of his own parents.” PigletTechnical9336
Another User Comments:
“No you’re not what you told him was a more than fair deal aka him possibly being able to borrow once the debt is paid off because if he gets you a photo radar ticket or gets into another accident then you’re the one paying out of your pocket once again just adding to the debt he owes.
You’re not the jerk & I hope you show him all these comments via screenshots so he can give his head a shake lol he can save up for his own car if he’s going to be upset at that very overly reasonable request that his debt has to be paid off in order to potential borrow your car.
Absolutely not lol ESPECIALLY when he’s at fault for the crash. Rear-ending someone is 100% his fault even if the driver immediately stopped because you’re supposed to be stopping distance and your insurance will likely get raised if it has not yet already.” bbyxmelia
9. AITJ For Laughing At The Driver Who Hit Me And Then Asked Me To Move My Car?
“I was recently in a car accident…
I was in a parking lot, waiting for a car to finish pulling out of a space, when another car decided to back out of their space into my car. I had seen them start to back out and immediately laid on the horn, but to no avail.
They just kept backing up and crunching up my poor Rio. It should be noted, the car that hit me was illegally parked in a handicapped spot. Once I hung up with the police dispatch, one of my passengers informed me that while I was on the phone, the driver of the other vehicle had switched seats with the passenger.
The “driver?” then stepped out of the car and asked if I had called the police, to which I replied that I had. They seemed a little upset and asked if I could move my car, so they could move out of the handicapped space.
I legitimately almost laughed myself silly at them. They told me I didn’t have to be a jerk. I simply explained they were the ones illegally parked before deciding to ignore the blaring horn while driving gung ho in reverse, one could only assume without looking, into a car with two children (3 yo and 3 mo) in the back seat, feel the cars crunch, continue to push my car sideways, ask me to help remove evidence, “and I am the jerk?” So, I guess what I am asking is, am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. This same thing happened to me years back. I laid into that horn like I was Miles Davis and they still didn’t stop pulling out of their space. Fortunately, everything was cool and orderly from there on out. BUT, had they made the same inquiry after such shenanigans, I would have reacted the same way.
“L***O — Oh… oh wait… you’re serious? Heh, no…. I won’t be moving. You stay right there, pumpkin.”” consolelog_a11y
Another User Comments:
“First of all: I Am Not A Lawyer. NTJ. If the person didn’t want to be stuck in the position their car was in then they shouldn’t have gotten themselves into an accident.
They chose to take actions that were likely to result in the accident. I believe, though don’t quote me on this, leaving the scene of an accident is illegal. I suspect the person who swapped with the original driver wanted to actually leave the scene of the accident before the police would arrive.
I don’t think your laughter makes you a jerk but I suppose it isn’t the most mature response in the world. I personally would have probably made a half-joking response to highlight the ludicrousness of what the driver asked for but hindsight is 20/20 and it’s easy to say after the fact.
In the moment, were you the jerk? No. People who break the law should not expect potential witnesses to cover for them.” RealAluminiumTech
8. AITJ For Not Wanting My Estranged Father To Be Involved In My Wedding?
“I (F33) am getting married in June. Wedding planning has been going surprisingly smoothly until last week. I was estranged from my father for 16 years due to some spectacularly bad parenting on his part. We didn’t start trying to repair our relationship until the start of this year and because of that, I have never imagined my father playing a role in my wedding.
Instead, I asked my uncle (who I am very close to) to walk me down the aisle, and my grandfather to do my father-daughter dance. I never considered asking my father and I’ve never imagined it any other way. My fiancé supports me in my decision.
Because I’ve never imagined it any other way, it never occurred to me to inform my father because it never occurred to me that he’d think he would be involved. Why would he be? We’re not close and we’ve been estranged for a large portion of my life.
Until he brought it up at dinner last week. He was extremely unhappy when I told him, and hasn’t spoken to me since. Word has spread to his side of my family and a few people have rescinded their attendance until I let my father be involved and I’ve told them that’s not going to happen.
It’s causing lots of infighting and the blame is on me. AITJ here?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your wedding your rules. “I asked my uncle (who I am very close to) to walk me down the aisle, and my grandfather to do my father-daughter dance.” Good for you.
Why wouldn’t you want people who’ve been there for you to take these roles? “I’ve told them that’s not going to happen.” Let the bullies go kick rocks. I hope you both enjoy your special day.” Apart-Ad-6518
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If people don’t want to attend because of this, consider it a win.
You don’t have to pay for their meals and drinks. If you’ve always imagined your uncle and grandfather having those duties at your wedding, and you still feel that way, stand your ground. Your dad has no say whatsoever over this. He doesn’t get to step in after he’s been gone for years.
If people wanna be mad, too bad. Enjoy your wedding day.” Gattina1
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and the people who are declining to attend because you are making a strong choice about this, disregard them. Use the money you’d spend on them to attend on something else.
Your dad has been a poor dad and now wants to pretend he hasn’t been by getting the glory moments. Stick to your guns. Anyone that has a problem with it, remind them what a poor father he has been and how you are choosing to honor those who have been present for you in your life, not just recently.” SlowLime
7. AITJ For Calling My Friend Delusional For Blaming Me For An Unavoidable Car Accident?
“I was in a bad wreck last year and was deemed 100% not at fault by both insurance and police. Some of my friends came to check on me immediately that same night, excluding this one friend we will call Kevin. I honestly didn’t really expect anyone to come see me, but it really did help me emotionally and mentally.
I didn’t have anything against Kevin for not coming to see me.
This wreck happened about 6 months ago and in last night’s convo, he mentioned how he would never lend me his car (not that I wanted his) because I cause wrecks. Everybody in the group and I instantly gave him a W*F look and he started explaining how I should drive safer.
This accident was in no way avoidable as I was going downhill at 45mph and it was raining. He kept saying that even though the other driver pulled out in front of me, I should have slowed down or swerved.
We argued for quite a bit… just me and Kevin while the others were silent, and I got mad so I called him a delusional jerk and stormed out.
I ran into Kevin today and I tried to get him to explain further his delusion and he kept saying that I was wrong for calling him that and walked away.
It really annoys me he blames me for this wreck and that he is butthurt over me calling him that.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Welcome to the same sort of invalidation people often encounter after an assault or abuse. It sucks. Often people hearing about a negative event don’t like to acknowledge that anyone could be a victim and there is no actual way to avoid that negative outcome.
Because if they recognize that, it fundamentally means they are not as safe or in control as they want to believe they are. You’re NTJ, but your friend is also not doing anything unusual. People will go to huge lengths to believe bad things can’t happen to them because people actually bring the bad thing on themselves.” thirdtryisthecharm
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It hurts, but he instantly outed himself as not actually being your friend. Also, from what you’ve commented, he’s envious of you whether you drive a suped-up car or a crapbox lol? It’s like he was waiting for an opportunity to make himself feel better and paint you as the idiot he’s always wanted you to be, except he’s twisting the story to fit you in that box and you all called him out for it so now he’s embarrassed.” ashcat_marmac
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I used to be friends with a guy who got into legal trouble because he had poor self-control, which wasn’t helped by being neurodivergent. Anyway, while he was in jail for like 6 months he went to therapy and ended up having the mindset that everyone is responsible for anything that happens to them.
Basically went from the extreme locus of control being external to completely internal. Pretty sure it was how he was able to gain control of himself, but it turned him into a person I didn’t like. Basically, it sounds like that may be the mindset (though probably a different cause) that your ex-friend has.
That anything bad that happens to you is your fault. ” Random-CPA
6. AITJ For Moving My Daughter's Laundry When She's Not Home?
“My wife (39f) and I (36f) have a daughter (technically my stepdaughter but I’ve raised her since she was 5) (19f) from a previous relationship of my wife’s (her father is not in the picture) who has come back home after her first year at uni.
She’s picked up a new (and problematic) issue since she was last home for an extended period of time, surrounding laundry.
Basically, she has established a “boundary” where nobody is to touch her clothes. Her reasoning is that she’s concerned something will go missing/get damaged, thinks it’s just gross for us to go through her stuff, and is an adult who deserves privacy.
All fine, we have 3 young children in our home (9f, 9f and 2m) so plenty of washing to keep us entertained.
The issue is that she has a habit of monopolizing washing facilities to the extent that we’re effectively prevented from being able to get any other laundry done.
For example, last weekend she put a wash in before work and hung it out on the line at around 11 am. She then left for work (12 pm-10 pm) – her wash was dry within an hour, and obviously, she wasn’t going to be back all day.
We had a few days’ worth of washing to get through, so my wife (her mum) took everything off the line and folded it. We got through 5 other loads that day.
She was NOT happy when she got home, and said that she’d been very clear that we weren’t to touch her things.
When we explained the situation above, she said it was “first come, first served” (not something we’ve ever said) and that since the next day was due to be nice also, we should’ve just waited to get through it the next day. That really upset us.
We’ve offered her a weekly laundry day, where we’ll avoid using the machines so she can have the freedom to do as she pleases on that day, but she said once a week won’t cut it. Fair enough, but there are 5 other people in the house that need clean clothes/bedding/towels.
Other than that all we can really suggest is that she keeps on top of her washing. If she’s at home we’ll ask her to clear her clothes from the machine/dryer/washing line as needed, but like any 19-year-old, she has a social life/work commitments and is often busy.
She’s upset because she says we’re not respecting her boundaries, whereas we’ve pointed out that while “don’t move my clothes” is objectively reasonable, it’s not fair for her to do so at the inconvenience of everyone else in our home. Essentially the last conversation we had ended up with her in tears because we said as long as situations like Saturday keep occurring, we’ll continue to move her stuff.
Just FYI, we do fold her clothes carefully, and leave them in a basket in a communal living area so they’re kept together, in good condition, and we’re not going in and out of her room.
We normally have a good relationship with her, so this is all a bit unusual. We’ve asked her if everything else is okay, and she says yes and seems otherwise normal in and of herself, and she’s normally reasonable so – are we being unreasonable?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. This is insane, you can respect her boundaries but she needs to work within YOUR rules/schedule, etc. She can’t just dictate something and then make it impossible to go about your own business. It’s ludicrous. The good thing is, you have the upper hand here.
If she doesn’t want her stuff touched, then she’d better get it off the line before you need to use it. 1 – Ask for her input on timing, but being clear there are 6 people living in the house and she gets the equivalent of 1/6th of the available time to do her wash.
2 – If she fights it, assign her a time 3 – Respect that time, and don’t do any of your wash during her scheduled time (so she can’t come back at you that ‘your stuff was in the wash’ 4 – Go about your business. If her stuff is in the wash/on the line and she’s not around to move it, you move it.
DONE. PERIOD. This ******************* nonsense has to stop. You are the parents, and it’s your house.” Canadian_01
Another User Comments:
“I hate the weaponization of psychiatric terms. Not everything you don’t like hearing is a trigger and not everything you don’t like happening is a boundary.
She doesn’t like you touching her clothes? Fair enough. You don’t like her leaving her stuff and blocking laundry? Also fair enough. But by framing it as a violation of her boundary, she’s made it a borderline assault, you can’t negotiate from there and your reasonable needs make you wonder if you are the jerk.
You are NTJ.” kimba-the-tabby-lion
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She’s applying her college life to your home lol. That’s very similar to what you experience in a college dorm. However, your home is NOT a college dorm. She needs to do her laundry when she is home to retrieve it if she doesn’t want anyone touching it and that’s just it.
I don’t like my husband doing my laundry either (always afraid he’s gonna dry something that can’t be dried lol) but if I forget about my laundry and leave and he moves it so he can do his stuff – well that’s my problem, not his.
Best of luck OP!” DoraTheUrbanExplorer
5. AITJ For Complaining About My Husband's Unbearable Odor Due To His Bariatric Surgery?
“I F 34 and my husband M 45 have been married now for 8 years. His body, breath and for years his bowel movements smell horrible. He had bariatric surgery and all his symptoms are out of his control but I reached my limit.
The whole house can smell after each bowel movement. He never made an effort before to keep the air fresh. I had to hound him to clean the toilet after every use, use sprays, air fresheners, and turn on the air filters. I even bought a $300 air filter to help with the odor.
Just put into perspective an old portable bathroom that’s been used and abused smells so much better compared to my husband’s bowel movements.
NOW finally he takes care of it. But the smells are still there!!!! I get he has no control but it’s horrible!!!!
Now he doesn’t listen that his sugar intake and drinking don’t help him. It actually makes it worse!!! So I’m constantly smelling this horrible smell!!!! I can’t take it! The worst part of it is he takes sooo many vitamins now his breath smells horrible.
I feel like his skin does too! He even got a new body wash “Old Spice” and I told him that reminds me of my grandfather for him not to use it. He still uses it and now I don’t even want to be touched by my husband.
These different smells are horrible. His body odor is the issue.
I’m at my breaking point. I love him. But idk what to do anymore. So I brought it up to my husband. Telling him to take care of his bad breath, smell from his bowel movements, and to throw away the body wash.
He won’t. He is annoyed by me and doesn’t understand my point of view. He basically feels judged and that I am insensitive for not realizing he has a medical condition. Keep in mind… If I accidentally fart he flips and screams at me saying it smells and I’m disgusting.
Yet he doesn’t seem to notice his odors or decide to make a change to make the people around him comfortable. So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. As someone who’s had bariatric surgery, I know exactly what some of the smells are that you’re explaining.
His diet (sugar and drinking) is the main cause of these smells. A Bariatric patient has a specific diet they need to stick to for the rest of their lives. The surgery is not a miracle cure for weight loss. You need to maintain the proper lifestyle changes.
The sugar and drinking make bowel movements putrid, and I completely sympathize with what you’re smelling. He needs to get his bariatric diet back on track so his bowel movements return to normal. If he’s following his bariatric diet properly, the smells should just be “normal”.
I can’t comment on the vitamins making his breath smell horrible, because I’ve never experienced that. Maybe he needs to look into different vitamins. Does he take ones specifically made for bariatric patients?” itsaquagmire
Another User Comments:
“I had a relative who had to get a colostomy bag due to cancer.
Smells were horrible and literally made us gag. Smells from the colostomy and the cancer and urine. Just AWFUL. Family was taking turns caring for him, but the smells made it a nightmare. The doctor suggested we get “liquid chlorophyll drops” on Amazon. Give 1-2 droppers a day mixed in a little water after a meal, and drink it down, followed by juice or something that tastes good.
Said it fights odors from anywhere in the body. I can’t even tell you the difference. From nightmare, horror to acceptable. Not 100 % gone, but so much better! Give it a little time to work, but then you will be amazed. You must be faithful every day and give it a try.” Sea-Code-9866
4. AITJ For Telling My Persistent Neighbor To Leave Me Alone?
“I met a girl because she knocked on my door and told me she wanted to be my friend because she was also a foreigner. I’m visibly foreign in this country (white), she is not to my eye (she’s Mongolian), so I was surprised by her approach.
I came over to her apartment and had a very uncomfortable conversation where she told me about her negative experiences with people from my country and her university performance. She also made a point of asking about my salary and said she really ought to make more than me because her Japanese skills were stronger than mine.
I didn’t like spending time with her but I agreed to meet again at an event.
The next day I had a friend over and the neighbor rings my bell. She’s got a snack. In retrospect, she had seen me arrive home and wanted to be invited over specifically because I had another foreign friend over.
I said thank you, that’s lovely, here’s my friend X but we’re busy, I’ll message you later. She would not leave. I said variations on “I’m busy right now” and “now isn’t a good time” multiple times, in both of our mutual languages, and she just wouldn’t leave.
I ended up shutting the door on her.
Two days later, same friend is over, and the neighbor rings. I see her on the camera. We go silent and wait. She rings again, again, and texts me saying that she saw me arrive home.
At that point, I felt really freaked out.
The neighbor tried to come by the next day as well, a few minutes after I get home, and I’m now confident that she’s actually watching for me to get home. That day I got home late and immediately went to bed, lights off, and I was outright mad she’d try to come over when I’m trying to sleep.
My friend advised me to report it to the local police so that they’d ask her to stop harassing me. I’ve had good experiences with them but tbh I’m “the right kind” of foreigner and I think that she is not, and I suspected she was in violation of her visa based on what she said to me about her work on that first night we met.
Getting someone deported for being invasive seemed a bit much.
I stew over it. The next day is the day we’re meant to go out together. I messaged her a few hours before and said I don’t want to meet her anymore and that her coming by made me very uncomfortable.
She replied and seemed very sad, said she was lonely. Came by and knocked. I ignored it. She messaged to apologize and said she was having a hard time in this country. I said “please leave me alone.” I blocked her and I never saw her again.
All this happened over the course of less than a week. I feel bad because I think she was harmless and probably somewhat unwell. She genuinely scared me with her persistence but I think that’s because of my own issues.
Why I might be the jerk: I don’t think she had bad intentions and I literally told her “stay away from me” and listed what she’d done that I felt was rude but her cultural norms might have been very different.”
Another User Comments:
“Oh man, OP. You were “Nice”. Nicer than I would have been. This all could have gone wrong if she was nuts and accused you of something abusive. This is why I have a Google Voice number that I give out to non-family members.
Lots of versatility without sacrificing my actual carrier number which my family has. She’s still watching you through that camera though. I hope you didn’t eat that snack either!!!!!!! With her acting like that, I would have thrown that snack straight in the bin.” S*************y
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. No is a complete sentence. You gave her a last chance and were open with her. She STILL decided to harass you. If she does it again, don’t hesitate to inform the police. Her potentially being illegal is her issue, not yours.
Don’t try to make yourself guilty here. She started with being racist and derogatory. She continued with not getting DIRECT messages that you want to be left alone. She started stalking you and checking when you arrived home.” Lepetitgateau90
3. AITJ For Calling My Friend Misogynistic Over His Comments About A Proposed Holiday Destination?
“I have a group of friends who are planning to go on holiday after my A levels. I’m a broke college student and can’t really afford much and so not only would I like something cheap, but I would like to spend my money on something I’d actually enjoy.
I immediately ruled out things like camping or caravaning as they aren’t enjoyable to me and can be quite pricey. I have also countless times said that I would skip this trip as I’d quite like to save money anyway. I suggested a really good travel deal that was in budget and also fun but that was turned down as the airline was too budget.
This is all quite filler information but it provides context as to why I was getting so mad.
I then decided to suggest Ibiza as it seemed like a fun holiday for just finishing college. I was met with the response of ‘that’s an awful place to go, only low-tier women would go there’, I asked about why these women were low-tiered and again was met with ‘Women who choose to sleep around and party are lower in society and I would not want to spend my time near those women who don’t respect themselves.’
I told him that this was quite misogynistic as a woman who sleeps around when they’re young and single is not very uncommon and honestly, it is harmless. He blew up at me and said I was a jerk for even insinuating he was misogynistic and that he’s allowed to not want to go out with women like that.
While this is understandable, it’s completely contradictory as he wants to find someone on holiday to get with who is pure in his eyes. It’s all really odd to me and is sort of the first time he has presented these ideas so I don’t know.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and really re-think if you want to be friends with someone like that. That aside, those comments going “you sound demanding” – What? If I were to spend my money on a holiday trip, I also would only spend it on a trip I’d actually enjoy or would skip it just like OP said.
I think some commenters here really don’t read properly. If you guys would throw out your money on a trip you’d hate, that’s on you – but wanting to actually enjoy the trip and suggesting a different trip is not “demanding.”” Joubachi
Another User Comments:
“NTJ on the real subject of this post. You are right, OP. Your friend is misogynistic. He seems to think it’s ok for a man to sleep around, but if a woman does the same, then she’s wrong??? He’s not someone you should be friends with.
On the other hand, your insistence on going to a place like Ibiza, against the will of the rest of the group, is not really fair. It is fair that you don’t want to go camping. It is fair to want to go to Ibiza.
But then you should go either alone or with someone willing. Not try and force the rest of the group to do something they don’t want to.” YakElectronic6713
Another User Comments:
“I don’t think you are a jerk here, but I’m struggling to make sense of camping being too expensive and a viable alternative being going to Ibiza.
Your friend sounds like a red piller so I’m not backing him here. I am however a little bewildered by the options you tossed out that were reasonable vs the ideas you were on board with.” Zamastyle
2. AITJ For Trying To Relate To A Customer's Pain Despite My Invisible Illness?
“I was working and a lady came up complaining and asking for help.
I was happy to help and listened to her complaints, I really don’t mind giving people a hand and being a listening ear. She was complaining about pain and having done physical therapy. I told her I can’t imagine what she’s going through and I remembered my personal physical therapy pain so I’m happy to help.
She looked at me and goes “you don’t understand you’ve never had anything like this” and I said “no I don’t understand your situation exactly and I’m sorry if it seemed like I was trying to match your pain, I just remember the pain after my physical therapy sessions and wanted to offer support.”
She looks me up and down and goes “you’re perfectly fine there’s nothing wrong with you so you clearly have no idea what you’re talking about”. I genuinely wasn’t trying to argue but being young with an invisible illness I hide well is hard so I said “actually I have a genetic disorder that causes issues with all of my joints so sadly I’ve been in physical therapy a lot, is there anything else I can grab for you or help you with?
I’m happy to carry it out to the car as well.”
She scoffed and said “well if you have such an issue how do you even do your job.”
At this point I realized I made a mistake trying to engage at all, apologized, and again offered any additional help.
She looks at me and goes “kids these days are so dramatic. I hope you have real pain someday so you can understand” and stormed out with her product unpaid for. I was stunned and felt horrible. My genetic disorder causes issues with all of my joints so they dislocate daily, I’ve had 6 surgeries in 3 years due to it.
However, I do understand I shouldn’t have tried to relate. But was I the jerk for trying to let her see that you can’t judge a book by its cover in a way?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You were offering to help, and trying to show her you understand how physical therapy can be painful.
You didn’t say anything wrong, and you explained what you meant well so she couldn’t possibly have thought you were trying to be rude on purpose. The person who says “I hope you have real pain someday” is immediately the jerk. Ignore her.” Lucy-star-cat
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You were trying to help and be compassionate AND you apologized (even though I don’t think you really needed to). As someone who also suffers from an invisible illness, it actually makes me pretty mad. It was super rude of her to judge based on appearance and age only, and just because you’re able to work a job now doesn’t mean you always were.
I could go on and write a novel about this. You’re definitely NTJ.” Fun_Charge_8311
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Misery loves company and miserable people live to make others miserable. Not sure where you work or how old you are but even being an able-bodied adult (30s) I have to deal with older people (50-60s coworkers) in a professional (fortune500) environment who just live off misery and make the younger workers anxious and miserable.
Honestly, it doesn’t get better with age my mother has an invisible illness, she needs a cane and handicap plates. She still gets called out, insulted, and disrespected in her 50s for not looking disabled or old enough. ” Alternative-Gur-6208
1. AITJ For Not Apologizing After Insulting My Sister And Her Husband?
“I recently broke up with my significant other of 6 years, it was not a pleasant breakup. My mom has started to see a man 20 years younger than her and invited us over for dinner to meet him, and by us I mean my sister, my brother and me.
There has always been bad b***d between my sister and me, long story but we have never been close at all.
I want to make clear that I have not gotten over my ex yet, so regarding my feelings, I might be more sensitive than usual. My sister brought to the table the children topic, that she might want to have another child and stuff related to that.
My mom decided to make one of her “spicy” jokes mentioning how she also practices making children without getting pregnant, to which I responded that I found it inappropriate what she was saying in such a serious conversation.
All of a sudden my sister calls me salty and envious, and says the words that really triggered me “It’s not mom’s fault he left you”.
I instantly got in full fury mode and I had to tell her “Yeah sure, if I’m jealous it’s certainly not of you, with a husband that’s an inch far from becoming part of the furniture and thinking about raising ANOTHER child functionally alone.”
She called me names and left with my mother behind trying to calm her down, I left afterward.
My mother has written me saying she does not want me anywhere near her house (I don’t live there, she means visiting or talking to her) unless I apologize to both my sister and her husband for what I have said. I have no intention in doing so.
Why doesn’t she have to apologize as well for being a witch? Would I be the jerk here?”
Another User Comments:
“Everyone’s a jerk here. Good grief, this was exhausting to read. So your sister mentioned that she is considering having another child. You, being upset about a serious breakup, chose to interpret this as a dig at you.
Your mom (to defuse the tension, perhaps?) makes a joke that you consider inappropriate. You respond by chastising your mom. When your sister accuses you of being “salty and envious” – which, by the way, seems to be an accurate diagnosis of your attitude – you throw an absolutely hateful personal attack at her and her husband.
Yes, your sister could have been more sensitive. Yes, your mother could probably have made peace between you without resorting to a tasteless joke. But you absolutely overreacted, lashed out, and hurt your sister and her husband, possibly causing permanent harm in their marriage. Acknowledge that you messed up, and deal with the pain of your loss without causing everyone around you misery.
Refusing to apologize is childish.” mohugz
Another User Comments:
“Everyone’s a jerk here. I get the feeling you weren’t so diplomatic in your response to your mum’s joke. She made a joke to your sister, why get fussed about that? I doubt your sister escalated so much out of nowhere for a reasonable comment.
And I’m interested in knowing exactly what’s behind your bad b***d with your sister? Hiding why tends to suggest it’s not just a matter of incompatible personalities, or her being the reason.” lil_red_irish
Another User Comments:
“You’re the jerk. You went nuclear over a joke very fast. Your sister defended your mom to your response and you lost it and acted like a brat.
You don’t have to love your sister. You don’t have to respect your mom technically. If you want nothing to do with your family keep going down this path. They have every right to draw boundaries. How you respond may shape all future relations with them.” Dry-Reception-2388
