People Get Grumpy About These 'Am I The Jerk?' Stories
26. AITJ For Asking My Dad To Pay Rent While Living In My Apartment?
“I never grew up with my dad and we were never that close.
He put me on the back burner while he had 3 boys with my stepmom and completely left me out of his life right up until he and his wife went on bad terms. I was mistreated growing up by my stepdad and constantly begged to live with him and he never let me.
(I feel like this is important before you answer)
Story: my dad got kicked out of his house by his wife because he is a heavy drinker, she then put a restraining order on him so he can’t see my brothers nor go to the house for any reason.
This happened in early February.
I let my dad stay here because he had nowhere else to go thinking he was gonna go home sooner but yet he’s still here. He eats the food here, uses the toilet paper, sleeps on the couch, drinks every night, and just overall has killed the vibe between me and my fiance!!
He judges how I live, as in my weight, when my apartment is messy, and what I spend my money on. He hasn’t offered to pay any rent and has taken our daughter’s room leaving her sharing a room with us.
He makes 120,000 a year so it’s not like he’s broke….He travels for work and is gone at least 1-2 weeks out of the month but he is still using our daughter’s room as his storage and his stuff is taking up our space.
We live in a two-bedroom apartment that’s only 900 square feet, so it’s small.
My question is, am I the jerk if I ask my dad to pitch in $300 a month for rent? I feel like it but I need some validation. I feel like if I needed somewhere to live, there would be set terms for paying rent and doing chores.
PLEASE HELP!”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ You’re not the jerk for asking for rent. You are the jerk for asking for an amount that barely covers what he eats and uses. But, most importantly, you’re the jerk (to yourself and your family) for even allowing the heavy drinker, manipulative, abusive leech to stay there.
Don’t enable him anymore. Just evict him already.” Alarmed_Jellyfish555
Another User Comments:
“You’re being a jerk to yourself. Kick him out. All his contributions to your home are negative. You are also being a jerk to your daughter and fiancé. And unless you want to permanently damage your relationships with both of them you need to get rid of the parasite you brought into the house.
Kick him out. Never mind charging him rent. He has enough money to get his place or get into a shared house. Let him know he has outstayed his welcome and he needs to leave in the next few weeks. Tell him that next time he travels for work, any items he leaves in your daughter’s room will get taken to the dump.
Then follow through, change the locks, and block him on everything.” Ok-Map-6599
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but don’t start a rent conversation…its time to start him moving out conversation. This was only ever a temporary measure and his time is up. He shows you no respect and is abusing your kindness.
If he’s making that salary he’s perfectly able to afford his place. Stand up for yourself and your family.” SadFlatworm1436
25. AITJ For Asking My Sister To Leave After She Disrespected Our Home Rules?
“My sister Maddy (24) became pregnant with this guy, who was a huge red flag, and moved out of my parent’s house to live with him.
She recently moved into my and my wife’s apartment, and I cleaned up my old home office for her and the baby, who’s six months old.
Maddy was told that we are not babysitting and to stay out of our hair while she get on her feet to find her place. She hasn’t found a job yet and doesn’t clean up after herself. Due to my and my wife’s schedule, we have a cleaning lady every two weeks, and Maddy thinks we don’t need to clean in between times.
Maddy said she would help with food, but it’s her food stamps, so it’s not helping. She has repeatedly asked my wife to watch the kid, and that’s against our agreement. So it was our anniversary, and my wife and I went on a nice date to a lovely steak house.
We also stayed in a hotel away from Maddy. My wife confessed that she never feels like it’s her home and doesn’t know if she can do this anymore. A fun thing for an anniversary talk.
We get back and Maddy throws a temper tantrum about how we live it up and throw it in her face.
How we never help with her baby and she feels like her life is over.
My wife packs her bags and goes. I don’t blame her. I talk to my parents and they agree to take Maddy to their place. Maddy argues that she has rights and we can’t kick out parents and babies, throwing another huge fit.
My dad said if we got the courts involved Maddy would be dead to the family and if my wife divorced me (she’s not at this point) Maddy would be on the streets. My dad rips into Maddy about her being selfish and how it has destroyed everyone’s life in the room including her baby’s.
I feel bad for Maddy but if she wasn’t selfish this wouldn’t be going on.
Maddy cries and tells me how I’m such a tattle tale for getting my dad involved and how she has rights but I’m the selfish jerk and she hates our father.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You and your wife were more than nice enough to give your sister a place to stay rent-free from the sounds of it. You laid out your conditions for her staying there and she thought she deserved more from you which she didn’t and that cost her a rent-free room.
I just hope you and your wife can move past this without splitting.” Don-SalC
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but Maddie is. You and your husband, as well as, your parents don’t owe her anything. She’s a grown woman. She needs to put on her big girl pants, get a job, put the child in daycare, take the baby’s daddy to court for child support, get her place to live, and go to work.
I feel sorry for the baby.” Capital_Ad_6580
Another User Comments:
“How lovely your sister is. You take her in and she treats you like trash to the point your wife leaves, then talks about her “rights” when she has your parents to go to.
I would have nothing to do with Maddy again. If you need to legally evict her then do so and have nothing more to do with her. But she needs to be gone. NTJ” Dogmother123
24. AITJ For Not Telling My Dad That My 18-Year-Old Nephew Was Drinking?
“I (24m) have a nephew Leo (18m) from my older sister.
My sister had him in high school and Leo’s dad has never been in his life since he was around 3. My parents raised Leo, so we grew up together, more like brothers than uncles and nephews. My sister has been living with her partner in another country for almost 6 years and sends funds for Leo and visits twice a year.
Two years ago I moved back home because 1) my mom passed away and 2) I started grad school not too far from home. Leo is a good kid but as a teenager, I know he can do stupid things, so I told him that if he’s ever in trouble or in a situation he is uncomfortable telling my dad, I’m here for him.
I’m willing to help him out, no question asked.
Leo turned 18 earlier this month. He’s graduating and going to a nice college. A few nights ago, Leo called me, intoxicated, asking me to pick him up because he couldn’t drive. I brought him home, no questions asked. I also drove him to get his car the day after.
The car was parked a couple blocks away from the house where he partied.
The night he was intoxicated, however, Leo was spotted by one of my dad’s friends. She recently told my dad and he exploded on me and Leo. He had a private talk with both of us.
When it was my turn, he told me he was disappointed I would keep such a thing from him. That Leo lives under his roof and drinking at 18 is illegal.
I told Dad I promised Leo I would help him out in sticky situations such as this.
Also, Leo is 18, a legal adult, so Leo can decide for himself if he wants to tell my dad or not.
My dad said I was disrespecting his house and was a jerk. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. 18-year-olds drink and your dad is lying through his teeth if he says he never drank before the legal age.
Your nephew did everything that adults have been preaching for years to do. He realized he couldn’t drive and he called someone to pick him up. He should be rewarded for good judgment.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – Remind your father, that had Leo not been able to trust and rely on you, he might have attempted to drive home while intoxicated possibly killing himself and/or other(s).
Get the nephew some numbers for Uber / Lyft etc drivers. You can give him an Uber gift card for emergencies such as this (hopefully he won’t need a ride to not DWI often). That way you are not involved.” CatnipHigh766
Another User Comments:
“I’d say NTJ….while it might not have been the smartest decision for your nephew to make, he felt comfortable enough to make a safe choice when he was in need and that is way more important.
Also, I completely agree that your nephew is an adult and it is not your responsibility to be tattling on a full adult man. Kudos to you for being a safe person for your nephew” Ecstatic_Mud_7063
23. AITJ For Wanting To Quit Taking Care Of My Independent Mother-In-Law?
“My mother-in-law is 74f and I’ve been taking care of her since the beginning of this year.
I started taking care of her because she has had 2 other caregivers with bad experiences and at the time when she didn’t have one 5 months ago I quit my toxic job and decided to take over and help her. She never wants me to help her.
She only wants me to do the basic cleaning. She broke her arm and foot over a year ago so that’s why she needs assistance but doesn’t accept it. She complains that she’s in pain because she always does things but doesn’t want me to do anything.
Yesterday I didn’t go to help her because I had a gastric flare-up. I was in pain so my husband went over to help a bit.
Today when I went over my usual time to help she told me she had deep-cleaned everything and I asked her why she was bored. She said no she didn’t want me to do anything because I was sick.
She has told me to only clean once a week and I did this past Friday. It was Monday yesterday and she decides to deep clean knowing she’s going to hurt herself. I’m at the point where I don’t want to work for her anymore I’m frustrated doing nothing I feel useless I’m just there doing absolutely nothing.
I do take her shopping etc but I’m there doing nothing most days. I want to quit and find a 40-hour-a-week job I only get 28 and it isn’t enough. The husband just wants me to help his mom and doesn’t want anyone’s help.
We tried having her live with us and she doesn’t want to yet she gets depressed with she’s alone. At this point I don’t feel bad for her anymore she’s doing this to herself. I feel bad because I don’t want to feel this way!
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here but she sounds lonely more than anything. Have you considered looking into independent living communities where she can retain her independence but be around other people her age and have additional support with cleaning and care?” CharmingGarlicky
Another User Comments:
“If she can do these things for herself then let her. It’s better to stay as independent as possible the older you get. 74 is not that old anymore, and there are people still working at that age. Maybe what she needs is not help around the house but company.
Maybe look into a retirement place or an assisted living complex. My mother was 87 when she passed suddenly. She lived in an assisted living complex. She had her self-contained flat where she was still able to cook and clean after herself (like she wanted) while having staff on-site in case of emergencies.
And the bonus of a communal lounge where she could also socialize with others her age ( not that she needed it, she had a better social life than I do lol). NTJ” InternationalCard624
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. Get a full-time job that you will enjoy.
You and your husband can visit his mother and see if or how much help she needs. If she wants to deep clean her house, let her. It doesn’t sound like she’s complaining to you about it, nor is she blaming you. It’s her home.” ParsimoniousSalad
22. AITJ For My Sister's Misunderstanding About Our Parents' Plans?
“This weekend was a lot for my 50F family. There was a celebration of life for a family member of my husband’s we were very close to, and an anniversary for my parents, on the same day.
There is a lot of backstory but my dad was friends with my husband’s family before I ever knew my husband, so they were attending the COL as well. I was helping with the COL as well as cleaning up from the storms in the Midwest.
I received a text from my younger sister 48 asking what I was doing that evening, and I responded with my plans. When we got to the restaurant/bar my sister her husband and her son were there. We waited for her son to change clothes in the car before going in to eat.
When she got to us she started asking me where our parents were and I said I don’t know if they were coming for dinner or just for the COL, she said “That is the whole reason I’m here to spend time with my parents.” I said, “I sent you information about my plans you never asked about our parent’s plans, you should have checked with them.” She was mad at me for her misunderstanding, mind you this is not the first time she gets what information suits her from talks and messages and it is always someone else’s fault when she misunderstands and doesn’t request clarification.
She is telling my whole family that I told her our parents were going to be there but never even asked them. I have the texts proving this is incorrect and have sent them to the now four relatives who have sent me messages or called me telling me how inappropriate I am for trying to make it so my sister didn’t see her parents on their anniversary.
So AITJ for answering a direct question with a direct answer that she chose to interpret incorrectly?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You do what you can, but some people just insist on becoming victims one way or another. Look, you’re both old enough to know better about these things.
But she’s just not getting it. So too bad for her. Continue to show the texts to any concerned family members. In the future, double-check what she wants (“Are you asking because you want dinner with me? Or do you want dinner with our parents?”) so that this hopefully doesn’t happen, or if it does, you have further proof of what happened.” SquallkLeon
Another User Comments:
“NTJ She’s got the nerve to play the victim over something she could have easily apologized for, And any family who immediately chastised you without knowing the full story should be told to stay in their lane Unfortunately OP I think you’ve learned with your sister to ALWAYS get things in writing since she twists the narrative to turn herself into the victim” ColdstreamCapple
Another User Comments:
“I’ve always wanted a big family. Sometimes I still like the sound of it. But then I hear stories like this and I’m like… thank goodness I don’t have a big family because this is some annoying, trite nonsense. NTJ. It was a mistaken communication.
Sister doesn’t need to be upset at you, but I can understand being bummed *at the situation*. But it was a goof, sounding like it’s a regular goof on her part, but it’s not that serious.” StellarPhenom420
21. AITJ For Wanting To Donate My Ex-Roommate's Abandoned Belongings Instead Of Returning Them?
“My wife(26TM) and I(26M) just had to evict our now ex-best friend and roommate(F24) from our home because she had been freeloading over the past 2 years she’s lived with us and her mental health had become so bad.
After we kicked her out she bought two big suitcases, filled them, and left as fast as she could.
After we took her to the airport we came back to look at her room expecting to find lots of damage as she had been screaming and hitting things the night prior(she broke some drawer handles but nothing major) but when we went in instead we found all her stuff.
I have no idea what she packed and now I’m stuck with everything. At first, I was thinking I should send it all back that’s the proper thing to do but after she left she’s been texting my mom weird stuff and being weird to my little sister and I just don’t want to help her anymore.
She moved in with her parents and we were thinking of driving to their house and dropping all the stuff off on their front lawn. It’s gonna fill up my car and I have to drive 6 hours to get to her parent’s house. It’s so much stuff I don’t think the suitcase I’d have to pack to stay overnight would fit with all her junk.
So I’m kinda at the point where I will pack up anything super important and the rest goes to a thrift store or something.
Should I send back her stuff or forget her she keeps telling my mom how I never did anything for her I should just keep her stuff as payment for food and board for 2 years for free.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – just be careful about selling or disposing of ex-roommate’s property. Most states have specific rules about abandoned property — especially in this case where ex-roommate can claim you were the landlord. In a lot of states, you have to give written notice (send it certified) and a defined period where you have to keep the property stored and safe until the grace period is up.” scrapples000
Another User Comments:
“I think you’re totally in the right and would not be the jerk if you didn’t return the stuff, especially because she consented to you getting rid of it. But it sounds like some of this stuff might be of at least some value (I collect plushes, figurines, video game garbage, so I know how expensive this useless trash can be) and she may change her mind in the future.
For the sake of really severing ties with her, it might be wise to give it all back. She sounds unstable and I’d be willing to put one last amount of effort in if it meant this person not having a reason to bug me again.
Especially since she contacts your mom and sister? I can just picture her causing some nonsense in a year because you got rid of her Easter Harley Quinn funk-pop or something.” whitecatconfection
20. AITJ For Not Covering My Coworker's Shift So She Could Attend Her Grad Party?
“I (17m) work at a theatre with a couple of friends and some other people; the coworker I’m talking about in this I’ll name Belt(17f). So last Thursday I went to work to change out the signs to put up new movies and take down the ones we got rid of.
This usually takes about an hour or two depending on how many movies I need to put up or take down, and I start at around 7 pm. I then finish putting up the signs and just chill for a while. I then checked my phone and saw that Belt had texted me and asked to pick up her shift for Friday which was the following day; because she had her grad party.
However when telling me why, she never mentioned a grad party and simply told me that she needed to sort out college stuff before 6 pm. I decided to just leave it until the next day.
So then the next day I told her I couldn’t pick up the shift and that I had a date that I had already planned earlier that week and I assumed that would be it with no troubles.
So I went along with my day and as I was texting one of my friends who was on shift that night; he called me a jerk for not taking her shift and that was when I was told about the grad party. This was at 4 pm and I was going to pick up my date at 6:30 and we both were already getting ready.
Yes, I did feel like a jerk that she couldn’t go but I feel as if it isn’t my fault and stand by that decision. I don’t exactly know if she only asked me or what, but I know there are multiple things she could’ve done to not be put on shift, such as: putting the day as unavailable because of the grad party or even asking in the workplace group chat.
The managers are super chill and definitely wouldn’t have put her on if they knew beforehand. Though I can see how I could be seen as the jerk I don’t believe I should be to blame.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Why did she ask you the day before?
Sounds like she thought you’d be a pushover. The party was planned, she should’ve requested the day off. Your other coworker is also a jerk for basically saying you should’ve canceled your date with barely any notice just because the girl was irresponsible. You would’ve been the jerk had you canceled on your date to pick that shift up.” busy_midnight113
Another User Comments:
“What’s the saying? “Poor planning on your part doesn’t constitute an emergency on my part.” Or some such. NTJ, but it was kind of a mean move to wait until the last second to tell them no when you had known for days that you had a date planned. You aren’t the jerk within the parameters of your question, but you aren’t completely clean of this, either.” Cataclysmus78
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but shouldn’t scheduling be the responsibility of the theater manager? Sounds like your co-worker knew she wouldn’t be allowed to change shifts so she asked you directly instead of the appropriate supervisor. I’d prefer her to query the manager in the future and what they say goes, then they could be the jerk.” OpinionatedinVermont
19. AITJ For Choosing To Sleep On The Couch Instead Of Sharing A Bed With My Partner?
“So recently, my significant other and I got into an argument. The argument was because I have been sleeping on the couch recently and he just doesn’t like it.
There are several reasons I prefer to sleep on the couch and none of them are because I don’t want to share the same bed as him (which I explained to him).
My reasons for sleeping on the couch are:
1.) Having to work at 5 am, which means I have to get up at 3 am.
And out of respect for him and not wanting to wake him up, it’s easier to just sleep on the couch.
2.) We have 2 dogs, and they both sleep in the bed( I know this might be a bad habit but I don’t know what to do about it) both dogs hog the bed and I am always the one who is being kicked and or having the blankets ripped off of me, so this results in me not getting good sleep.
He never deals with this issue because the dogs like to sleep up against me.
3.) We also have two cats, who LOVE to cuddle and sleep with me, and they never get the chance to because my significant other wants them out of the room, and we sleep with the door closed. But I feel so bad for them and I feel like when I’m able to cuddle and sleep with them it makes them so happy.
My cat gets excited and waits for me to lay on the couch with him.
4.) We don’t have to align off days sometimes, and so when I’m off the next day I like to lay in the living room and stay up pretty late, watching TV, reading, playing games, etc.
I think I’m being considerate, towards him, my cats, and myself by choosing to sleep on the couch. But he doesn’t seem to think so. He gets so angry at me and when I try to tell him why and explain 1 of the 4 reasons why I want to sleep on the couch, he says that I have too many excuses.
And then continued to be angry at me for the rest of the night.
This might sound silly or dumb, but I just don’t know if I’m the one out of line here.
So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Those are all valid reasons.
It shouldn’t be a big deal to not share a bed, I know several couples who sleep separately for various reasons (different schedules, snoring, sleeping better alone, etc). Sad that your significant other has to get mad about it.” troppo
Another User Comments:
“All of your reasons for wanting to sleep separately are excellent.
Have you listened to your significant other’s reasons for why he doesn’t want you to sleep on the couch? Is it sleeping on the couch he objects to or not sleeping with him? Would it make more sense to plan towards getting a 2 bedroom apartment and another bed so that you can sleep separately, *in a bed* when you need to?
For example, I wouldn’t be happy with a partner regularly sleeping on my couch, unless they were putting down mattress protectors and sheets every time. It would also make it awkward for me if I was having trouble sleeping because I like to get up and sit in the loungeroom when that happens.
But that’s an entirely separate issue from them not sleeping next to me all the time. No jerks here unless he continues to refuse to talk about it. Edit: changing judgment to NTJ based on the response below. He wants OP to sleep in bed with him because that’s what he wants” Equivalent-Board206
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your significant other is completely unreasonable. Your reasons all make sense, though if he insists your cats are out of the room, you should insist his dogs are out of the room. That would fix one problem. As long as he’s choosing his dogs over you, he can stay quiet.” [deleted]
18. AITJ For Missing A Student Government Lunch Because I Wasn't Informed Of Its Importance?
“As a Student government member, I have helped collaborate with other members to start a “field day” event.
I try my best to make it to every meeting, event, etc. that comes up. I’m well respected by our sponsor/teacher who runs Student Government (I’ll call her Ms. P). I don’t mean that selfishly, and hope it doesn’t come across like that.
The way we have planned our event is that Student Government Members all help out a bit.
Now, field day falls during teacher appreciation week, and SGA planned to deliver gift bags to classrooms. I was uninformed by other members that field day was the day of gift bag delivery.
No one. Not Ms. P, not any SGA members, no emails, no nothing. So I go on throughout the day, until lunch, when two government members ask our teacher to go to lunch with SGA and Ms. P. I ask the two members if I have to go to the lunch, and they reply no. Lunch goes by, and 6th pd rolls around.
This is when field day was almost about to start. I go to Ms. P’s room and get ready to go to my station. She hits me with “No, you can’t help because you were too lazy to help with teacher gifts earlier.” I was confused. I was looking forward to helping.
Wondering what she was talking about, I explained the situation. Ms. P shrugged in reply, and said something like, “Oh well”.
She said I should have shown up regardless. I didn’t want to argue though, and I don’t want to be petty and be like, “Well they said!
Blah blah blah”, so I just went along with Ms P. She acted like I was in the wrong. I’m guessing the lunch was to do some last-minute prep or something like that. Am I in the wrong here? I can see how Ms. P thinks I should have showed up to the lunch, and I will admit, looking back on it, it’s not my best choice, but again, I was told it was optional, and I wasn’t even told in the first place about the gift bags.
From her point of view, it may have seemed like I slacked off, but after I explained the situation, her reaction was still the same. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but I would never miss something you were told was optional without first clearing with the head of the event, or whoever it would be that you would frustrate by not attending.
Peers don’t always have the right answer and you can always default back to a conversation with the authority figure on their directions easier than directions related through another student.” supersalt12
17. AITJ For Not Spending Enough Time With My Sister-In-Law's Pets While Pet-Sitting?
“My partner and I live around five minutes away from my partner’s sister and husband and we agreed once we moved here that we would be happy to occasionally pet sit for each other.
This weekend it was our turn. They have two outdoor cats (not a problem) but one gigantic St Bernard they treat as their baby.
Their flat is small, and he is primarily kept in the living room all day. He usually goes for massive daily walks though. It’s very hot here and my partner and I are small women so they said it was fine to not walk him while we pet sit.
So we pop down in the morning around 9 am and stay till 11 am, everyone’s fed, played with, and happy.
Pop down again around 6 pm, and only stay for around 45 minutes.
Now here’s where it all goes downhill. Between visits. Asked my partner to do the last evening check after her work, she hadn’t eaten all day for the nine-hour shift and she just popped in for ten minutes at 10 pm to give dinner and make sure the cats were home safe and the dog had been out for the bathroom.
As she gets home we get a message asking how they were this evening. I said they were good. Then SIL messages ‘Let me rephrase we know you only visited for five minutes we saw on the camera can you go back down and spend actual time with him, we are seriously disappointed.’
So we message back saying he was completely fine, but she began blowing up my partner’s phone with messages about how let down she was, how anxious she was about the animals, how we shouldn’t agree to pet sit if we won’t do it properly.
We explained I had spent nearly 3 hours with them today, she fired back that he usually spends 24 hours with someone so 3 hours is nothing. I get that. But we only were told to visit occasionally and now I’m feeling like a bad person.
We were very uncomfortable with the idea that she was watching us on the camera probably every time I was there, she should be enjoying her holiday.
We said, again, that we understand the anxiety. But they have had their needs met. But no, she went off again saying he needs people’s time and that one of us needs to back down and watch an episode of a TV show or something with him.
Which, I mean, baffling. He’s not an anxious dog he gets over-excited and doesn’t settle when I visit. He paces and can’t relax.
To avoid my partner falling out with her sister I said I’ll go back and sit with him. From 11 pm till 12 am I sat and watched TV then left. He was so tired he was slipping all over the place and didn’t settle.
I think I did more harm than good being there personally, but it’s not my dog and my SIL was on her 70th ‘I’m disappointed in you, I have extreme anxiety, you’re letting us down’ but thankfully stopped once I said I was going again.
So now I’m sitting with him this morning again, and things just feel bloody awkward between the four of us. And I can’t stop glancing at the cameras. AITJ here?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ It’s on them for not communicating what they explicitly wanted. Don’t feel bad.
Her anxiety is not your problem. When I hire pet sitters I am very clear about how long I want them to be around and my expectations eg someone has to come to the house and be alone with them. Don’t let them sit for her again or ever offer.
She sounds entitled and rude” Ok-Bullfrog5830
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If she has anxiety, she should get medicated, not put the burden on you to manage it at the expense of your sleep schedule and comfort. If she can’t handle petsitters spending only 4 hours a day with her dog she should give up leaving town til the dog passes on.” Kitastrophe8503
Another User Comments:
“Her expectations of how you handled spending time with her dog were expressed beforehand and you handled things differently. Given the fact that she has anxiety that you all are aware of and has previously used pet-sitters explains the pet cam and her looking at the footage.
Sounds like you did what you thought was best and she had higher expectations. A conversation with her about your boundaries and managing her and your expectations going forward is necessary. No jerks here” Listen_2learn
16. AITJ For Not Wishing My Estranged Mother A Happy Birthday Or Mother's Day?
“I have so many mixed feelings about this month. I had no contact with my mother since last October and she would reach out occasionally by reacting to my stories and posts on social media.
(I restricted on social media her a month ago so she can’t see my stories or new posts anymore). Long story short, she was unfaithful to my father and continuously chose her unemployed, man-child partner over her kids for the past 20 years. My sister and I have tried to be cordial with them, and raise our concerns with our mother privately many many times.
But they are both controlling, toxic, and narcissistic.
Anyway, I got engaged in February and didn’t tell my mother directly about it and announced it on social media. My sister is still in contact with my mother but she now lives in another country so she doesn’t have to deal with her directly.
My sister told me that my mom felt hurt that I didn’t tell her about my engagement and my sister responded to her by telling her that she’s not the victim (lol). I didn’t want to break my no-contact boundary since she knows exactly why I went no contact but refuses to acknowledge/own up/change.
If I reach out to her about milestones/celebrations, she will use that as an excuse to say “Hey everything is ok and I can sweep all the pain I caused under the rug once again.”
However, this is the first Mother’s Day since I’ve gone no-contact and it’s her birthday this month as well.
For me, it was an easier decision to not reach out to her about my engagement, but this feels different. I want to keep my no-contact boundary but I still can’t help but feel guilty or like a jerk for not reaching out and wishing her a happy birthday or Mother’s Day (even though she is a poor mother).
Would I be cruel for not reaching out? Should I send a short message and block her right after?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It’s normal to have these feelings when you have no contact with a parent. But I wouldn’t contact her unless you just really want to.
You’re no contact for a reason, and you don’t owe her anything. You should tell your sister that you don’t want to hear about your mother or anything she says or does, too. Your sister needs to learn to respect your boundaries, and you need to be more firm on them, for your own mental well-being.” fckinsleepless
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Your feelings are valid. So conflicted. But you are right when you say she’ll see this as the way to sweep everything under the rug. No, you would not be cruel not to reach out. It would be more cruel to reach out and then block her.
Like inviting her in and then slamming the door in her face. Tell your sister not to report back on your mother’s feelings. You’re NC for a reason and you don’t need her life updates.” embopbopbopdoowop
Another User Comments:
“You need to decide if you are NC or LC Both are acceptable.
You have a good reason not to want to deal with this man and by association your mother. As such it is acceptable to ignore events in her life and not to communicate with her. Don’t feel guilty. Prioritize your well-being. She will not. NTJ” Dogmother123
15. AITJ For Publicly Calling Out My Sister's Exclusionary Behavior?
“We were at my cousin’s birthday party and there were two more of my cousins, which we’ll call Charlie (celebrated person sister) and Angelina + my sister and me.
Basically, at this party, the four of us stayed together the whole time. But my sister always has to make fun of me whenever she’s out with her friends or, apparently, even our cousins.
She always did this even with her friends because she wanted to look cool or something, and I could never do anything about it because she’d get offended if I did (Ex.: she made fun of my scars, I have dermatillomania, so of course this is very hurtful for me because they are literally on my face, so I can’t hide them if not with lots of makeup, which she also makes fun of.
I got tired of this and said something about her pimples and she started playing the victim).
The point is, at one point I got fed up because she kept humiliating me like she always does. We were all together, in front of other family members, talking about our age differences because Angelina thought me and my sister had 2 years of difference when we have just 1 but almost two and some other stuff, and at one point I said to my sister, who celebrated her birthday a couple of months prior: “she would’ve known if you had invited her to your birthday party.” And she threw me a look, as well as my mother, while my Charlie said I was right.
I want to say I’m not sorry for this since also Angelina doesn’t usually invite us to her birthday parties (we did meet her in restaurants with some other cousins but not us), and I am not mad at her for this because it’s her birthday party and she has the right to, but my mother still complained because “saying stuff like this isn’t nice”.
The point is, I feel like I just paid her back for years of being humiliated, but both she and my mom said I shouldn’t have done that. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ seriously, you haven’t mentioned your ages, but I hope and pray you can become financially independent soon and be far away from your toxic parents and sister.
Your parents have enabled her (golden child syndrome) also it may be that they are shallow people who give more preference based on appearances. They repeatedly ignored you and your boundaries. If you continue to live with them, you have very limited options – either to just not converse with any of them (which is practically impossible) but if you can in some way just not show that it affects you, it will make your sister look like a fool.
Like I’m not asking you to be a doormat and not defend yourself, but make her realize that her saying something doesn’t make it true, and you don’t care about her. Or you can continue to give it back to her, I would say increase the viciousness and make it hurt, and don’t defend yourself to your parents.
like, let them say anything. This will show them that she has to stop attacking you or you will destroy her. Strong wording, I know. But neither option is going to be easy, I wish you luck” The-Creativo_xyz
Another User Comments:
“Gotta point out some stuff so I won’t have to answer comments and there’s also some need for backstory for me, but I will answer questions if I have to.
I did talk about this with our parents, and they didn’t do anything about it. I didn’t talk about this event specifically because I feel like I cannot talk to them anymore, since whenever I do I get yelled at. My sister will start playing the victim and make me look bad, and they will stay on her part because I’m ‘aggressive’ (I have no idea where this came from, but probably from the fact that they say I have too much-repressed anger or something and that’s why I have dermatillomania).
Once, she even beat me up, and then, when I defended myself because she was hurting me, she played victim again, started crying, and called my parents and told them I beat her. I know this looks like I am trying to make her look bad, but it’s just true, and I have no idea why she keeps humiliating me in public.
I did try to talk to them about my problems and how I felt that it was unfair that that’s how they treated me compared to my sister and I swear they started yelling at me that my sister was having it harder than me and they denied me a therapist when she has one, and that’s why I should’ve been respectful to her because she had problems who were bigger than mine and I wasn’t helping her when they NEVER told me before.” gimmethatratjuice
Another User Comments:
“You are the jerk. This is very close though. The reason you are the jerk is that you did not communicate your feelings to the sister (as far as the post says). You should have told your sister to stop and if that did not work try having your mom talk some sense into her.
Still, this is very close for me” [deleted]
14. AITJ For Inviting Both Of My Partner's Divorced Parents To My Birthday Party?
“So about two years ago my partner’s parents got divorced. My partner (18M) and I (17F) have been together for three years.
His parents were still together when we were together but it was obvious that it wasn’t a healthy marriage. They got divorced and birthdays and Christmas for my partner have been pretty easy since the divorce. On my partner’s 18th birthday, we all went out to eat, my family and his including both of his siblings (15M) (14F) his brother, and himself switched between houses his sister didn’t talk to his dad but they were all there for him.
This was a little over a month ago. My birthday is in a month. I have quite a large family. My parents got divorced when I was very young so I don’t remember my parents being together plus they always got along. I felt it was only right to invite both of them considering the venue for my party is larger than just a family dinner which they just dealt with each other for 2 hours a month ago.
My mom made a post for my party and my partner’s dad was one of the first people to respond “going” Keep in mind I’ve always been at least civil with them both. I knew that his father would be there and after a couple of days of some family that I knew would probably be coming, I started to message people.
His mom included. I told her that I would love for her to be there if she wanted to come and informed her that he would be there and that I understood if she didn’t want to be around him. She never responded. Over this weekend my partner’s grandmother’s pipes froze so we went to go fix it.
While we were there I brought it up again and she twisted my words and made it seem like I wanted him there and not her when that was so far from what I said or how I felt. She decided that she wasn’t coming because she doesn’t want to be in the same room as him.
Did I say the wrong thing or is she just being petty?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – You weren’t showing favorites to your partner’s Dad you were being courteous. His Mom is just being petty because she wants you to take sides, her side. You’ll never win in this type of spat so don’t bother trying.
All you can do is put the invites out there and declare that this is the guest list, either you can come, or not for whatever reason. You are not picking any sides here. Their choice and you have to just hope for the best. And if one or both wants to be warring toddlers, well you aren’t their Mother and the party isn’t being held at the daycare center.” Mustng1966
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, it doesn’t sound like you said or did anything wrong or to imply that you’d prefer him there to her, you were just giving her a heads up. Sounds like the divorce is still fresh and she’s projecting at you, I’d just say you’re both invited and welcome to join and have been all along, it’s up to you if you decide to join or not” According_Pizza8484
Another User Comments:
“NTJ she’s being sensitive and rude by trying to make you feel guilty. A word of advice from experience, if you want to keep everything kosher then just ignore the situation as best you can. It’s of course not your job to fix anyone else’s issues but for the sake of peace in your relationship just continue to invite both parents to events and treat them both the same.
Not saying the mom deserves your kindness after how she acted but this is for your peace, not to save her feelings. If the way she treats you gets worse or if it goes on repeatedly then maybe create some distance from her, but for now just give it some time because 2 years is still kinda fresh for a divorce (depending on who you ask) and she may improve how she acts in these situations as more time passes.” Affectionate-Joke917
13. AITJ For Leaving Work On Time Despite My Replacement Being Late?
“So I [22f] work in a pizza place, and things can get crazy on Saturdays. I flatten the dough, poke holes in it, and then place it neatly on a metal circle so cheese and toppings can be applied.
I work in the mornings, I start at 10 in the morning, and I end around 4 PM.
I stick around a little after four to make sure my replacement for the night comes in. The thing is though, I haven’t learned how to drive yet due to life circumstances, so my mom gives me a ride. To be polite to her, I have set down a boundary with my bosses that I must be done with my shift by 4:15.
I don’t want to keep my mom waiting in the car for me, wondering what’s going on. My bosses, for the most part, understand this, and my relief for the night usually comes before then.
Unfortunately, today we were swamped. We kept up well in the kitchen.
So many customers, as well as the nature of said customers, can often flare tempers. I have fallen victim to such frustrations on a few separate occasions.
It edges to 4:11. I have finished my work for the day, and made quite a few flattened doughs to satisfy the cooks, yet my replacement is not here.
They assure me that’s quite enough until my replacement does get here. He’s running late. It happens.
My two shift leaders [Ter and Ash] are in the office talking with the door closed. That’s unspoken code for “we are talking privately and don’t want to be disturbed at all.” I go and tell my general manager, [Ber] that I have made quite a few doughs and that my relief is not here.
She tells me to ask my two shift leaders. I figure they won’t be out for a few minutes, and I do some clearing of plates to wait.
Eventually, they do come out, and I ask Ter if I may go. Maybe it was my tone??
I was a little tired from the day, but I didn’t feel angry. Maybe I looked angry?? I don’t remember, it happened so fast. Ter starts to get snippy with me, asking who’s in the kitchen, and if my replacement is here, and I just kind of mumbled that I don’t know who’s in the kitchen, and that my replacement is running late, and she rants, saying she doesn’t have x-ray vision, and to go ask the current cook if they need anything from me.
I ask the current cook, and they say no. Finally, Ber comes to me and says I’m good to go.
Ter and Ash argued in the office, so maybe that’s why she got like that. Maybe I sounded angry even though I didn’t feel angry and didn’t mean to come off that way.
Am I in the wrong here??”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You need to talk to your boss. Tell him/her that leaving at 4:15 pm will be happening and going forward you will be treating it as a hard stop. This means you’ll let X know before you leave, but you’re not staying if your replacement is late.
They need something else in place.” ApprehensiveBook4214
Another User Comments:
“Next time this happens – and it probably will – ask the kitchen if they need anything – know who your replacement is and why they haven’t shown up and give that info to your manager when asking if you can leave.
Your timing was off but not your fault. If the managers argued she probably didn’t want another problem tossed at her right away. Let it go….get your driver’s license.” omeomi24
12. AITJ For Not Taking My Kids To My Fiancé's Nephew's Games On Weeknights?
“My fiancé (M29) and I (F27) have been together for a little over a year and are engaged. I have 2 kids that are 6 and 7 from a previous marriage and I have full custody of them.
Family is important to both of us, but I also have my own to take care of at home and I work 50-60 hours a week at a physically demanding job. I take kids to and from daycare every single day. I have livestock and other animals that require quite a bit of my attention as well in the morning and evening.
He works a loose schedule from 8-9 am to maybe 5 or 6 pm only 4 days a week and it is not a physically demanding job. Truthfully, I just don’t think he understands how exhausting it is to keep up with everyday life as it is and I’m trying not to hold that against him.
He’s never been married and has no kids of his own.
We go to each other’s family events together without any issues, but here lately he’s been upset with me because I don’t want to drag my kids and me to his nephew’s games on weeknights.
His sister lives 45 minutes away from us and you never know where they’re gonna have the games. I wouldn’t expect his sister to drag her 2 kids to watch mine doing extracurricular activities, and I feel like she would understand. But for some reason, he doesn’t understand and is mad at me and pulling the rude comments out saying I’ve made it clear that I don’t care about his family and that I refuse to go even though that’s not what the issue is at all.
I’m just tired and unfortunately, I have more important things to take care of at home.
Not to mention, my 6-year-old has ADHD and by the time we get home around 5:30-6 pm, his meds have worn off and he gets wild. I don’t want to force him to sit in a seat and try to make him be still because it’s not fair to him and it’ll just be a fight that’s not worth having.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I would be deeply concerned about marrying anyone who has that little understanding of how ADHD works. I can’t imagine taking either of my ADHD kids when they were little to another child’s games on a weeknight unless I had no other choices.
Seriously, is this a man who should be a stepfather to an ADHD kid? As your first responsibilities are to your children, and he had not bothered to learn ANYTHING about the disorder. It sounds like he had very unrealistic expectations. Are there any support groups nearby?
How is your son’s first-grade teacher? If they are good, it might be worth asking the teacher to meet with you and your fiancé to discuss strategies to help your son. Can you suggest that your fiancé take your son out on one to get more of an idea of what it’s like when you are not there to manage it?” ContentContact3254
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. But the real issue is what to do about it. Try to sit with the sister at the next game. Then ask/tell the sister that going to the games has helped you feel a part of the family. But, things need to be a little more calm at home, so would she mind if you & the kids just did the weekend games?
Say all this in front of fiancée, but don’t give him a heads up. Then when she says of course it’s OK, he won’t be able to say a word. Don’t hold it over him that you were right, just tell him you feel like you and his sister have a great relationship and let him decide if he wants to go & sit with Sis or stay back with you.
Your kids are getting to the age where they’ll have their sports & lessons so change is coming anyway.” OhioPhilosopher
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Tell him weeknights/school nights are for being home. An occasional weekend game is fine but no more than that for you and the kids.
If he wants to go, he can go alone. If he can’t handle that, maybe he isn’t such a good fit for your family. You’ve only been together a year. Slow things down with him and don’t get married until he can understand what life together really means.” Fearless_Ad1685
11. AITJ For Asking My Wife's Friends To Stop Enabling Her Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms?
“To be very very clear, I love my wife more than anything on this earth and the last thing I ever wanted to do was hurt her, but I feel like what I did was necessary and correct.
My wife experienced a lot of childhood trauma that caused her to develop codependency issues. She has terrible separation anxiety and a poor sense of boundaries. Like, she’ll stay up and out all night with friends even when she has work the next day because she doesn’t like saying goodnight to them or ending the good times.
She also gets very inebriated when she’s out. This isn’t an issue in itself – she doesn’t endanger herself or anyone else. But she’s told me that her go-to remedy when she’s down is to drink and that worries me.
I wish she had healthier ways to cope.
I asked her if she shares any of this with her intimate friends, so they’re aware and can look out for warning signs. She responded that she didn’t want to ruin the vibes or be seen as weak or a burden.
So I didn’t see what else I could do aside from having a group call with them all explaining things as plainly as possible without divulging too much of her private issues. I didn’t tell them explicitly to avoid her, but more to not enable her.
So like for example I said, “If she calls you for a night out, maybe suggest a non-boozy outing.” “If she’s a little pushy, don’t be afraid to tell her no”. Some of them took that as an instruction to not spend time with her at all, which took a huge toll on her emotionally.
And then eventually, she found out what I’d asked. I don’t exactly know how but my guess is my wife laid the guilt on pretty thick with one of our friends and then it came out.
She’s very angry. Was I wrong?
I only wanted what was best for her without trying to infantilize her. Maybe I should have organized a proper intervention. I don’t know.
Yes, she has a therapist she’s been seeing for years. She’s asked me not to talk to the therapist without her permission, which is why I didn’t go to them first.”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Your intentions might have been good but your actions were a breach of trust, a negation of her agency, and a failure of communication. If you wanted her friends to know, you talk to HER about letting them know. Going around her like that and messing with her friendships is controlling, infantilizing, and damaging.
You messed up.” BetweenWeebandOtaku
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. She needs to be able to stand up for herself or deal with the consequences. It’s a balance and she either learns it or suffers through it. It’s not your place to go behind her back to her friends and talk about her issues with them without clarity and dumping. that on them.
They aren’t responsible for her either.” villanellechekov
Another User Comments:
“Yes, YTJ. For a second, I thought this could have been my fiancé writing this. But my fiancé talks to me about how he’s feeling and would NEVER go behind my back and get my friends to stop talking to me/spending time with me.
When your wife does finally feel comfortable facing her trauma and unhealthy relationship with drinking, she is going to need those friends. I recommend you apologize to her profusely and explain that you were worried about her and handled it in a seriously inappropriate manner but have learned from your mistake.
And then KEEP TALKING TO HER about this.” [deleted]
10. AITJ For Adopting My Neighbor's Injured Cat Without Their Permission?
“In January, a kitten wandered into my backyard. I started feeding, playing with, and bonding with him. Over time, he began spending days at my house, often sleeping in my yard. I assumed he belonged to my new neighbors, as I occasionally heard them calling for him and banging on a tin, which made him run to them.
Once, I caught them feeding him through a hole in our shared fence. I covered the hole because I felt they were invading my privacy and encouraging him to keep visiting my house. After that, I stopped feeding him, but he continued coming back for attention.
Two weeks ago, I saw him struggling to jump over the fence. I immediately got worried because he’s usually good at climbing roofs, fences, and trees. After he eventually climbed down, I noticed he was limping, his right leg bent, and he had small scratches all over.
He came over to me, crying in pain, and since it was raining heavily, I brought him inside to check him over. He immediately ran to my kitchen and onto a chair, something he’d never done before. As I examined him, I realized his whole body was sore, and he was crying out in agony.
I felt terrible for him.
My family and I assumed he’d been hit by a car due to the nature of his injuries. That night, I let him lie on the chair for as long as he wanted, as he wouldn’t let me touch him, so picking him up wasn’t an option.
I put a towel from the dryer on him and sat with him for hours until I couldn’t stay awake any longer. I left the back door open so he could leave when he was ready. I debated going next door to tell my neighbors, but honestly, I’m scared of them.
For the past two weeks, he’s been at my house almost constantly, only going home briefly before returning. It’s been freezing, so I’ve let him sleep in the same spot with the back door open, allowing him to come and go as he pleases.
I stopped feeding him and even put him in their front yard, hoping to encourage him to go home. I uncovered the hole in the fence, but he still won’t stay home for longer than 20 minutes. I thought about talking to my neighbors, but I’m intimidated by them and feel guilty for feeding and bonding with their cat.
Three days after I discovered his injuries, my neighbors stopped calling him and tapping tins. Since I know he’s been “home,” I assumed they either don’t care or don’t want to pay the vet bills. Too much time had passed for him to heal on his own, so today I took him to a vet.
He wasn’t microchipped, so he was admitted as a stray. I left my contact information and asked to be notified if he’s put up for adoption. After he’s treated, he’ll go to the local pound, and if no one claims him, he’ll be available for adoption.
Am I the jerk if I legally adopt a cat that I assume belongs to my neighbors? Should I leave a note in their mailbox and give them a chance to claim him? Is he being neglected? Should I give them a chance to take responsibility?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ This has been problematic from the start. You shouldn’t be feeding a cat that isn’t yours, especially if you know or at least believe the cat belongs to your neighbors because this can always lead to accidents happening, which will ultimately be your fault.
Also, why are you scared of your neighbors? I can appreciate you taking the initiative to bring the cat to the vet to receive medical treatment, but you should still reach out to your neighbors and engage in a face-to-face conversation about this cat. They very well could have stopped calling for the cat because they might have assumed it ran away or had died. The least you could do is ask them if the cat is theirs without mentioning the fact that you’ve sent it to the vet.
If they deny the cat is theirs, then you should be free to adopt it if you wish because that’s confirmation that they don’t want it or own it.” phreshmilky
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. There is no reason you couldn’t have gone to your neighbors and said ‘Hey, is this your cat?
I think he’s injured. Bring someone with you if they’re ‘scary’. What you’ve done is go behind their back and make assumptions that suit what you want. I.e. you want to keep the cat so you justify this by assuming they wouldn’t want to pay vet bills- based on what?
You haven’t even spoken to them!” happybanana134
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Cats don’t understand “ownership” by humans – in their minds they own us. They are also very opportunistic in terms of food and shelter. We had one cat that would eat at ours, and then get fed by 2 or 3 other houses around us.
Another cat that lives with us now was living rough for a bit and eventually sought out shelter in bad weather. A third stayed with us for 3 weeks then presumably went back to its family somewhere else.” Hot_IT_Guy
9. AITJ For Not Wanting To Drive And Not Having A Job At 17?
“I’m a 17-year-old student in high school. I get all A’s and I participate in quite a few extracurriculars.
My friends are all telling me that I need to grow up.
Mostly it’s because I don’t have a job, and therefore do not drive to school. This is also because I don’t WANT to drive to school. I have a car, and I have a license.
My parents did pay for it. Not only am I scared of it, but I’d genuinely much rather ride the bus. I like it more.
I do not need a job right now, either. I’m well-off and my parents are paying for college. I save everything from Christmas and my birthday, which are very close to each other anyway.
I sell some stuff for my mom sometimes.
I rarely spend money as a result, either. I don’t ask them to buy me anything (although sometimes they do) but I save like crazy and will not spend money when I’m out.
I also have a full schedule instead of only taking 1-3 classes like them, yes partly because I don’t want to drive, but also because I want a higher GPA (it’s already well above average, but still).
They say that my schedule choice is ridiculous.
They bring this up consistently. They work about five days a month in total.
I believe I could be the jerk because I’m 17 and most people do this stuff already at this age. I might be a jerk because I don’t contribute anything.
I don’t advocate for myself very much and although I’ve applied to schools, I completely blank out when asked to do some things or think about my future. Admittedly, I am pretty lazy in general and I want to have free time in the afternoons after school.
AITJ for not growing up and participating in adult-like activities?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, I’m European, here nobody has a car at 17 and nobody drives to school, everybody takes the bus or their parents take them to school. Why is not driving a car not mature enough?
It makes no sense. Don’t worry about it, believe me, it’s not an issue anywhere in the world. You should study, do your schoolwork, and get good grades. Go to a good university, get a valuable degree, and don’t bother with their nonsense. It’s more mature to think you’re saving money than spending it on unnecessary things.” HecateLeFay
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. There might be times when not having a job would make you a jerk, but it depends on the reason you don’t have a job – and you have good reasons why you don’t. You have a busy academic and extracurricular schedule and are preparing for college.
It’s not like you are doing nothing. And having some time to yourself to do nothing and relax is healthy. Your friends need to back off and stop nagging you just because you have different priorities than they do.” bamf1701
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
You’re still a kid, even though many people your age don’t have the luxury of feeling that way (or they don’t want to appear that way – often due to peer or cultural pressure). You have the opportunity to choose how you want to spend your time, and you’re doing just that.
In addition, the things you are choosing are a really good investment in your future and show a mature sense of knowing what you want. You have plenty of time to “grow up.” You don’t need to rush it to satisfy people who are not the ones supporting you while you do normal teenage things.” Illustrious-Shirt569
8. AITJ For Reporting A Cookie Scam Panhandler To Campus Security?
“I go to a community college in a mid-sized city. I’m used to panhandlers dotting intersections and on busy streets and I’m used to it, I understand that times are difficult and people need to get by.
This semester and last at my community college there’s been a bit of a scam going around. Someone will go to Walmart, get some cheap cookies, then walk around the building with a small note that says something along the lines of “Hi my name is so-and-so.
I’m homeless and (insert tough sad story here) and need help. Please buy my cookies for 10$.” (And I should be clear, these cookies are like 3 bucks for a case of them, and they will sell them for 10 for one of them.)
It happened today when we were in the den (the hangout area in the middle of the building) and one of them walked up to me, I waved him off and immediately went to campus security/public safety to report it and they went to look for him.
My friends were not happy with me, claiming that “people are struggling” and that I was a jerk for reporting it, but honestly, I don’t feel safe with people doing that inside the building, I get nervous enough when someone walks up to my car and does it.
And panhandling is not allowed inside the college. I hang out here am I supposed to just let random people off the street come in and try and panhandle from me?
Was I the jerk for reporting this person?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If people can get access to your campus in this manner, sooner or later others will join, but to steal for example.” Haunting_Being
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. A study was done in my city a few years ago. Live in the SW US. Panhandlers were earning a minimum of $400 a day. Most are not the poor homeless soles we are led to believe. I used to work by a place where in the morning a van pulled up and let a man and a dog out with a sign saying he was homeless and needed help.
At 5 pm the van came back and another man with a dog would get out, and take the sign, the first guy and dog got in the van and it drove away. This went on 7 days a week. Nope, it is a scam. Good for you for reporting him.” BestMeasurement3236
Another User Comments:
“NTJ I think it’s fair to expect peace at your place of education. I teach at a community college in a city and at times homeless people come into campus to use our facilities. As long as they are not bothering anyone or being disruptive I don’t report them.
But if anyone who is *not* a student or faculty member is being disruptive or making people uncomfortable on campus, that warrants a call to security” Long-Operation3660
7. AITJ For Refusing To Lend My School Supplies To A Classmate Who Never Returns Them?
“I (15F) have this popular girl in class named Lily (14F), who was a top student the previous school year.
I’m having suspicions that she is taking advantage of my kindness. I am usually the one who brings a lot of things to school, and I let people borrow them when they are in need. But here’s a problem: Lily constantly borrows my bullpens.
Here’s what happens if she borrows them; lose the cap, leave it at home and forget to return it, or straight up owning it. In addition to that; she is quick to judge that the ballpen has run out of ink if it randomly stops applying ink for just a few seconds.
It’s been happening for weeks, and she doesn’t bother buying her school supplies. Instead, she spends the money on hanging out in food chains. (She became the valedictorian for the wrong reasons; being dishonest. She asks for answers, takes a glimpse of her seatmates’, etc. She has been witnessed doing those things, but wasn’t reported due to her reputation.)
And because of this, I had multiple trips to the bookstores just so I could restock my stationary supplies. Just recently, she forgot to return my two bullpens; to the point that I had to threaten her that even if she doesn’t return it, I will never let her borrow any of my things.
I informed her of how I felt and how I almost snapped. But she tells me that she has been running tight on money. I asked her why she didn’t buy her stationary supplies.
I’m not sure if this is considered gaslighting or not but; she told me that has her reasons, and that I shouldn’t make a big deal with it.
I was told that I am being selfish, that I am no longer the most generous person in class; and that I am a crybaby too. Another thing; she has been doing this to other classmates during the previous school year, UNTIL TODAY. This creates even more trust issues.
When the class found out about our argument, most of them stared at me negatively; almost as if I was a criminal. I could no longer hang out with anyone, without them ignoring me. I ruined my reputation, and I studied in this school back in elementary.
Am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – this is a very dramatic situation (trying to believe it isn’t fake). You do not need to lend her any item of yours, so simply stop doing so. She can ask someone else & become their problem.
If pens are causing reputation issues with your friends, maybe think about getting new, supportive friends.” HoneyCrispCrumble
Another User Comments:
“NTJ She sounds irresponsible and anyone would get annoyed with her antics. Suggestion: maybe make a deal with her that for every one thing she returns to you, she can borrow one more, even if “the ink is gone” which by your words seems like it just stopped and you can still use it.” LiolaCharm
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – this reminds me how much high school sucks. This is a toxic dynamic and you’re NTJ. Lily is abusing her good reputation to get away with this bad behavior. You unfortunately can’t escape it. You can stand your ground and talk back to her (if you’re a crying baby at least you’re not a thief), you can play it sneaky and stop having ball pens for a while (you let them at home) or continue to supply the girl for free.
I’m sure there are other solutions but you get the idea. Hang in there. Karma is a jerk (thanks social medium for allowing me to see what my childhood bullies became).” Timely_Proposal_1821
6. AITJ For Not Wanting To Move Out With My Partner?
“So a quick Introduction. I (22M) met my partner (22F) about 8 months ago, and we’ve been together ever since. She moved from Myanmar to seek a better life, leaving behind a civil war. Currently, she works as an assistant building manager in the city, but her hours are restricted due to being a student on a visa.
She has applied for a refugee visa, but there’s no guarantee. Now, let’s discuss our living situation.
I live with my parents in the suburbs, while my partner resides in a student accommodation building in the city where she works. Since she doesn’t have a car or license, I travel to her place almost every night to pick her up and spend most weekends at her place.
Initially, I disliked driving into the city due to anxiety, but love has made me overcome that.
Her lease is ending soon, and the rent is increasing by almost double. Considering my plans and the desire to save money for a comfortable future, I’ve decided against moving out.
I offered to let her stay at our house, and my parents were okay with it. However, she doesn’t want to rely on that option, fearing what might happen if we break up. Additionally, commuting from our house to work would be quite far, although it would be cheaper than living alone in the city.
My partner has always lived in shared houses and dislikes them, so she wants her place. However, the cost of living is currently high. She became angry with me for changing my mind and accused me of being selfish and not caring about her. I believe she’s trying to guilt trip me, saying she has nothing to fall back on since she’s alone here.
She believes it’s selfish of me not to move out with her because I’m only considering what’s best for me.
So in Conclusion. AITJ (Am I the Jerk)?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She wants to live her life and can’t afford it’s not your job to come and save the day so she can live the life she wants to live, but can’t on her own.
If you don’t want to move/moving isn’t convenient for YOU don’t do it.” Comscigrl
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Your partner is lucky she has you for support but if push comes to shove, you should put yourself first and she should realize that she is in no position to make a demand that she gave you.
She wants her place? Too bad, so sad. A beggar can’t be a chooser. She’s angry? If she does not like the choice given she can do it herself without you and your parent’s assistance and it may be a good idea to rethink your relationship with her.” macross1984
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. Each of you is looking out for yourself. That’s normal. I mean you met 8 months ago, it’s not like either of you expects to walk over hot coals for the other. Maybe you can find a compromise, maybe you split up, such is life.” SuccessfulLobster771
5. AITJ For Wanting To Drop AP Spanish Even Though It Might Affect My College Admission?
“I’m a senior (17F) and I’m applying to JMU in Virginia. I want to major in Cybersecurity, and I’ve already taken 2 years of a Cybersecurity class in my sophomore and junior years, along with Dual Enrollment classes, Honors, and AP classes.
I have a 3.8 GPA and this year, I’m taking more AP classes, Dual classes, and Honors classes. One of the AP classes is AP Spanish.
Now here’s the thing, JMU has a 70% acceptance rate, and it’s the #1 school that I’m applying to.
When she was in school back then, she didn’t get into JMU but she took 5 years of a foreign language. (3 years Spanish, 2 years Latin). However, she didn’t have the rigorous courses I did, or the GPA, so that could’ve been a factor too.
She believes that I should stay in AP Spanish simply because it’ll be one of the main reasons I get into JMU. She’s like “They love it when you take 5 years, and if you have 4 then it is what it is.” Making it seem like they’ll overlook me if I don’t take 5 years in a foreign language.
However, every time I walk into my AP Spanish class, I shut down. I hate it, and I can’t lie, I was dishonest throughout my Spanish year since my freshman year started online, and then my sophomore year it was in person. Junior year it kind of got better but still was at a Spanish 2ish level.
So I agreed with my teacher when she even said my Spanish isn’t as advanced as AP Spanish. My mom then agreed that I could drop the class, but in a way where she made it seem like it was the end of the world and that if I dropped it it could ruin ALL CHANCES of me getting into JMU.
Anyways, no, I don’t want to major in anything Spanish-related, and no I don’t want to major in anything business-related international-wise. Just Cybersecurity/Computer Science.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ; Drop Spanish, you will not do well on the AP exam if you are already being dishonest. Your mother is out of touch and dropping a class that is tangential to your curriculum is far better than a poor grade.
Unless you were planning on studying Spanish at JMU, 5 vs 4 years does not matter beyond the often required 3 years of a foreign language for many universities.” CarbonS0ul
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Maybe ask your guidance counselor to talk to them. IME, she is focusing on one thing, and your GC likely has a better idea.” NewtoFL2
4. AITJ For Being Upset When My Work Friend Included Me In A Gossip Channel Without Asking?
“I (26F) made a friend at work, Sally (F24), a while ago. We work remotely, so we’re online friends who sometimes chat outside of work hours. Sally is part of a larger team, while I am the only person in my department. Because of this, the larger team has sort of adopted me as an unofficial member, but sometimes they forget to include me in some stuff, like signing birthday cards or buying someone a present, etc. Although this sometimes stings, I understand it’s not coming from a bad place, and it just happens.
It’s hard to keep track of everyone working remotely, especially if you don’t talk to them every day.
The other day, Sally asked me if I had seen what Margaret said on the gossip channel on Slack. I told her I was not on that channel.
Sally was shocked by this, and I made a joke along the lines of ‘I’m never included!’ But I quickly made it clear I was just kidding and that I didn’t mind. A minute later, our boss added me to the channel and reached out, saying he was sorry I was not included before, yada yada.
Honestly, I was upset. I asked Sally to please ask me before doing things on my behalf, that I appreciated her wanting to include me, but that it made me feel weird that she reached out to our boss for me. She apologized profusely and said it was not her intention to make me feel weird, and I said that it was fine.
But now she’s been avoiding me, and all our interactions at work feel forced. My best friend said I was right to make my boundaries clear and explain I didn’t like people speaking for me, but my partner said ‘It’s not that deep.’
Now I feel like I should apologize to her.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“You seem to want it both ways. You’re upset when you’re not included and yet you’re upset when you are included. I can see why things seem forced, she doesn’t know where she stands or even what to do or say to you because she doesn’t know how you’re going to react.
Also, why can’t you just leave the Slack channel yourself if you don’t want to be part of it? YTJ” MrJeanPoutine
Another User Comments:
“I‘m confused, and I can understand why your coworker is now distant. It stings you to not be included, but you’re mad that someone effected a change to include you.
That’s the very definition of passive-aggressive. I wouldn’t necessarily say you’re a jerk, but you were off-putting to someone who solved a problem that you verbalized to her. Honestly, if I were your coworker, I’d probably steer clear, too.” SFGuyCMT
Another User Comments:
“YTJ But only soft YTJ. What you said as a ‘joke’ probably wasn’t a joke or you wouldn’t have said it. Once you pointed it out your friend at a guess felt pretty crappy for you not being included so she did what she thought was best and made sure that you are now in the know it seems to even me that you wanted to be and now you’re upset about the effort and your friend trying to make sure that you are happy and included. It seems like she can’t win in any situation.
Awkward that you aren’t included when you are included. I doubt you’ll ever have the same type of friendship again for making her feel bad for trying to help” [deleted]
3. AITJ For Taking My Previous Date To A Wedding Instead Of My New Exclusive Partner?
“I (25m) am in a bit of a pickle here. I met one girl (22f) we had 5 dates but hadn’t yet discussed exclusivity, my friend is getting married in a few weeks (was weeks ago I asked her to be my plus 1 and she accepted, but it’s out of town so she had to buy a plane ticket (I’m a broke grad student and could only afford my own and the hotel room, it’s a destination wedding) plus she took off work.
However, I shortly met this other girl (26f) who I just hit it off right away, nothing wrong with a previous girl I just had a much stronger connection with the second girl and we had 3 dates and became exclusive. I planned to break it off with the first girl after the wedding because she already forked over the cost and I can’t afford to reimburse her, and plane tickets are nonrefundable or transferable (even if they were I’d feel like a huge jerk asking her to transfer it to another girl).
But I didn’t want to be unfaithful to my new exclusive partner so I told the first girl I was ill but “should be better by the wedding” and I just told her I didn’t feel well enough to be intimate (so I don’t be unfaithful to my girl), then break it off with her after.
But I (stupidly) took the new girl to meet some buddies of mine who are also going to the wedding and they opened their big mouths asking her about being there, obviously, she had no idea what we were talking about.
I had to come clean and explain the situation, she’s upset with me and thinks I should just ditch the other girl but I agreed to this before I met her and I can’t afford to reimburse her for the plane tickets, but I showed her the texts claiming to be ill (so she wouldn’t get suspicious as to why I wasn’t meeting with her) to prove I wasn’t being unfaithful.
My girl is giving me an ultimatum that she’ll break up with me if I don’t make her my plus 1, but I already am tied down to my first plus 1.
AITJ? If so how do I un-jerk myself?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Honesty is the best policy, and quite frankly you should’ve considered this before jumping into a new relationship, knowing you had already committed to plans with the previous girl.
You might just risk becoming a supreme jerk if you wait until after the wedding to come clean to this girl, especially if she genuinely likes you. Hint: she does, considering she took time off of work and forked over funds for a plane ticket to go to a destination wedding with you.
Never mind the fact, that up until your friends let the cat out of the bag, you had no intentions of being completely upfront and honest with either girl. It’s time to come clean to your plus one regardless. Play stupid games, win stupid prizes.” Basic_Fold_9217
Another User Comments:
“You owe it to the girl to break it off before the wedding. If she cancels a flight, it’s possible she can have the credit for future use. If she can’t have a credit, you will have to Paypal, Zelle, or Venmo her the value of the ticket – you’ll have to borrow some $.
YTJ still, but less of one because you won’t have tricked her into flying out to see you and spending an uncomfortable weekend. And then you can go with your new partner if she doesn’t break it off with you because YTJ!” Visible-Scientist-46
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. You should’ve just been honest with everybody as soon as you became exclusive with girl #2. It’s not fair to string along girl #1 and is also unfair for your partner to sit at home while you spend time out of town with another female at an intimate event/hotel with your friends.
The best bet is to apologize to girl #1, explain the situation, and pay her back over time.” RandomReddit9791
2. AITJ For Calling Out My In-Laws' Parenting Style And Causing Family Tension?
“So I (25F) have been married to my husband (25M) for almost 2 years now.
I’ve always managed to maintain a good relationship with my in-laws up until this point and they were always very friendly to me.
I come from a family where we discuss issues openly regardless of whether it hurts feelings or not and my husband’s family literally never talk about issues and they just bottle up and bottle up causing all this hidden resentment.
We’ve learned to find a middle ground in our marriage. My husband’s parents also have a pattern of making very reckless financial decisions in search of “greener grass” and don’t take accountability for the effects that it has on their children. They like to blame it on the fact that life is hard and they’re ‘trying their best’.
They have also made a few questionable decisions regarding their one daughter who I am so close with I consider her a sister, not sister in law.
Anyway, I called them out on quite a few incidents that took place and how they have never created an environment where their children feel comfortable to express how they feel with them.
I acknowledge that I was very angry when typing this message. My husband then went afterwards and acknowledged that my tone was harsh but everything I said was factually correct and I am addressing issues that he and his sister have never felt comfortable addressing with them.
They completely attacked us and are questioning my husband for marrying such a “horrible woman” and saying marrying me was the worst mistake he has ever made, his mother is also saying she has never approved of me. They also got upset with my sister-in-law questioning where I “got my information from”.
They even have his grandmother and aunt turned against me.
I eventually apologized to them because I was shocked that they chose to block out their children because of what I said and tried to make peace for my sister and husband’s sake but my husband has asked that we rather go no contact.
Am I the jerk for speaking out of place and ripping this family apart?”
Another User Comments:
“You will get a lot of NTJ as how you present it most people would feel you are right. However when you look at it from your in-law’s perspective YTJ.
Why would you try and make them feel bad about how they raise/treat their children? They don’t need an outsider coming in and telling them they are not good.” User
1. AITJ For Being Upset With My Partner Over His Ex's Parenting Choices?
“For context, we have been living together 6 years, my partner owns his own business, and his life was upside down riddled with outstanding bills his ex-wife had left.
So since I’ve moved in I’ve sorted all the bills out and have pretty much paid the mortgage and bills since I came here.
My partner’s business has struggled since his retired parents have bailed it out several times.
Now at least for the past 4 years, we have spent the majority of the time having his son with us seeing his mum very rarely or when she can be bothered. She recently started back work and sees her son 3 nights a fortnight always a midweek, and will send him back if she’s going out at a weekend.
Just for reference child is 17 in a few months and just about to sit his GCSEs.
For context I’d like to say I work 3 jobs and work full time I’m up at 6 am and not back until 5 pm, and my partner rocks up at his work around 10 am.
So I feel physically exhausted most days. None particularly help in the house both lie in bed all day when not in school or work and just complain they’re hungry.
We tried to enforce taking his gaming off him for a few hours a night after an awful parents’ evening so he could revise which caused WW3’s mum to call us bullies and the child stayed with her for 2 weeks to punish his dad.
Dad now doesn’t say a word.
So child has been at his mum’s since Sunday after being here for two weeks. I was informed at 7pm Wednesday night he was coming back the following day. Shattering my dreams of a peaceful weekend. I was then informed he’s staying for 3 weeks as she is going on holiday….
AITJ for one feels like she’s taking the absolute crap out of us and two. I’ve ripped my partner to shreds over it because I feel like we don’t have a relationship whilst the mother swans around without a care about her child again. And being told the night before…..”
Another User Comments:
“Everyone’s a jerk here. I don’t understand why you are complaining about your stepson when your biggest problem is the good-for-nothing husband. I say everyone’s a jerk here because every single person in this post is at fault, you should stop focusing so much on the terrible mother and lazy kid and realize the husband problem you have.” Otherwise_Nerve4332
Another User Comments:
“NTJ for being frustrated, but it is not the kid nor the ex you have the issue with. They are symptoms of a major partner issue. As a minor, your partner is still as responsible as his ex to provide for him.
The fact is that your partner is not carrying his weight as a partner or a parent. That leaves you to do all of the heavy lifting in the relationship and creates both frustration and resentment on your part. Instead of complaining about his kid, tell him how you feel, and set firm boundaries about what you expect from your partner and the consequences that will happen if he does not start pulling his weight as a partner and a parent.
Make sure that when you set these expectations you follow through with the consequences should they not be met.” Grannywine
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