People Feel Gross About These "Am I A Jerk?" Stories
24. AITJ For Not Paying For My Moocher Friend's Airfare?
“I (57M) and a good friend (47) have been friends for over 20 years. We used to be very close, but different paths have created distance. He is a creative who has been fruitlessly pursuing the big time in NYC for decades, with very limited to no success, and is now broke, as he often is.
I’m a corporate cog who lives a conventionally stable life and has been his lifesaver many times over the years.
His next big plan is to move to Los Angeles. He has convinced someone to sublease their apartment to him with no money down, and he has no apparent income, network, or leads for work.
He works in film, which is very much shut down right now due to the strike.
He won’t take regular work outside the industry and even sees film crew work as beneath him because he is supposed to be “a mogul.” He sits in Starbucks by day and bars by night, writing mediocre scripts, hitting people up for funding, sitting on hookup apps 24/7, and doing who knows what else.
His plan in L.A. is to “get to the right people, get in the right rooms, pitch,” and voila—success, just like him and every other person in L.A.
I never understood how he has survived all these years, but I think he’s into some dodgy stuff that he never talks about—only humble brags to me about “taking meetings with funders over cocktails,” “going to Sundance/Cannes/Berlin Film Festival/yadda” (yeah, he’s been to all those places but was funded by business partners who don’t pay him and end up taking advantage of him), but meanwhile he is couch surfing or otherwise swinging from vine to vine.
He’s also an insufferable snob and whiner who can be tough to be around.
So, finally, the point: He recently asked me to cover his airfare to L.A. I honestly am tired of the friendship and his pompous delusion, and resent that he lies by omission about his life so often yet calls me his “brother.” I don’t want to perpetuate all this by paying for his travel, but I also don’t want to be the reason he is stuck in NY.
I feel like crap, but honestly just want to call it a day on the friendship.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. This post made me sigh heavily. This guy, this “friend,” is a mooch. And he’s going to continue mooching from you until you finally set a boundary.
So… SET A BOUNDARY. You can be his friend still, a listening ear, but zero money and no couch surfing. He’s got to grow up and figure this out, and as long as people like you, good soul, keep funding his ass, he’s never going to hit rock bottom.
He’s 47 years old, for goodness’ sake. He needs to hit rock bottom.” jippyzippylippy
23. AITJ For Turning The Traditional English Trifle Into A Meat Surprise?
“I M23 and my friends decided to have a fun potluck.
Because we are a bunch of nerds, we decided to have a theme. LoL, the food, desserts, and drinks would be from old movies, TV, or books.
Because some people have allergies, or religious objections, we insisted that all ingredients be listed beside each dish.
My best friends are a couple and they splurged and brought Fried Green Tomatoes and Ribs. “The secret is in the sauce.” My partner made Twin Peaks apple pie. My roommate made Pan Galactic Gargle Blasters. My sister made ratatouille. There were a few more things.
I thought it would be funny to make the traditional English trifle that Rachel screwed up on Friends. I used all the right ingredients except I substituted shredded coconut mixed with Nutella with chunks of kiwi and slivers of pear for the ground beef sautéed with onions and peas.
I thought it looked pretty good.
I also printed out a picture of Joey and his quote “I mean, what’s not to like? Custard, good. Jam, good. Meat, good!”
Please note I absolutely did print out a list of the ingredients and have them beside my “savory” dessert.
A few people got the joke and played along, but some of my friends thought it was gross to have ground beef in a dessert and didn’t try it.
Close to the end of the night, we were all talking about the food and my friend mentioned it was a good thing they didn’t have a nut allergy because my trifle was so good.
The people who didn’t try it said there weren’t nuts in the trifle. I asked them if they read the ingredients. I went over to the table and grabbed the paper.
They were upset that I had a picture up insinuating that there was ground beef with onions and peas mixed into the dessert.
There was still a little left and they tried it and agreed it was tasty but that I’m a jerk because they didn’t get a fair share because they thought it had meat in it.
I honestly just thought the Joey quote was too perfect not to have.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. They just didn’t get the joke. I wouldn’t have gotten the joke either, but if it’s a silly-themed potluck you bet I’m going to at least try a bite of anything there that I’m able to because stuff like that is just great conversation moments.
Refusing to try something because it “sounds gross” I think misses the whole point of an event like this.” neophenx
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Not gonna lie, I read the title and burst out laughing. I might have woken up the doggo and scared him.
And I really thought you actually made the Rachel version of it as well until I read it. I would have made a smaller one serving version that had a do not eat sign on it for full effect, but this was a great read.
Your friends, who sounds like, just might be avid book readers aren’t very good at reading I guess.” liquidsky72
22. AITJ For Prioritizing My Dad's Milestone Birthday Over My Partner's Homesick Trip?
“I (M43) had an argument with my partner (F32) about a trip to her home country. We both live abroad, work full-time, and contribute to shared expenses, but I earn more and cover almost all our bills. I also pay for all our travel (usually alternating between visiting her home country and mine each year) and am the only one saving for the future.
She spends about a quarter of her salary on shared expenses, with the rest going to herself and her family.
Travel is expensive, and after bills and savings, it takes up all my disposable income. This year, my dad is turning 90, and I’m planning something special for him, which means traveling to my country.
It’s a milestone birthday, and I want to go all out because I don’t know how many more he’ll have. It’s a huge expense, but to me, it’s worth it. Every penny I save is going toward this, and even then, I probably won’t have enough saved in time.
My partner, however, recently said she wants to go home this year too, even though it’s not her turn. I told her I can’t afford two big trips, but I could just about manage to buy her a ticket and send her alone if I cut back on my own personal spending.
She refused, saying she doesn’t want to travel alone and insists I come with her.
I suspect part of the reason is financial, because if she goes alone, she’ll stay in her family’s cramped home, but if I go, we’ll stay in a hotel that I’d be paying for.
On top of that, I’d also be expected to cover expenses, including meals out with her friends and family. I don’t mind doing this once a year when I’ve planned for it, but this year, all my savings are going toward my dad’s birthday.
I told her I can’t afford both trips, but she insists I have more money than I claim because I save while she doesn’t. I told her we could work together to save up for the trip later in the year, but she insists she has to go in the next two months (not enough time to save the required amount) because the weather in her country gets bad after that.
I feel like an ATM rather than a partner at this point. If this were an emergency, I’d find a way, but I don’t think I should have to dip into savings or take away from my dad’s milestone birthday just because she suddenly decided she is homesick.
AITJ for saying no?”
Another User Comments:
“You don’t just feel like an ATM, you are. She spends all her money, and when she wants more, you pay. Three options: walk away. Have a very serious talk and rebalance finances. Or keep suffering and working.
Right now, she’s on a mission to drain your savings.” lord_de_heer
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Be a good ATM and reject the transactions with a ‘limit reached’ message. You shouldn’t pay her family and village. Also, it’s unfair that she spends a large part of her income on her family while you pay more into the household.
This way, indirectly, you are financing her family. You should talk to a lawyer/expert about how you can safeguard your assets in case she decides to divorce. I bet once you close the money tap, she’ll consider that.” Mediocre-Metal-1796
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, she saw you were going to invest a lot in your trip with your dad, and now she wants that money to go see her family and be spoiled. You are an ATM; she uses all your money, and you pay her bills.
She should sell her luxury items if she wants to go home so badly.” CarelessEquipment426
21. AITJ For Burning Emergency Firewood And Escalating Campfire Chaos?
“I (22m) went on a camping trip with a huge group of people (30+) as part of a nature group. This group is a friend-of-a-friend-of-a-friend group, so we all know someone, and that person knows someone.
On day two of this three-week trip, my friends and I were asked by the leaders to collect logs and cut some for later use in the week with a few other campers, and my group and I were ecstatic. A group of five guys with axes in the woods cutting wood is a wonderful time.
Fast forward to a week later, and my friends and I were intoxicated off our asses on the beer we brought and decided to make a fire just like any other day on the trip, although normally we would scavenge for logs and twigs in the woods.
As we were about to leave to get some, my buddy said, “Wait, what about the logs we cut early in the week?” We got really excited to put our hard work to good use.
We rushed over with a small basket to get the logs.
Eventually, we got the fire going, and after a few more beers and some good laughs, we heard some commotion. To our surprise, another group of people we didn’t really know was yelling at us about how we used the firewood and saying that it was for emergency use only and that we were not permitted to use it.
After my group and I spewed some intoxicated nonsense about how this firewood could be used for emergency use when we were surrounded by more firewood, things escalated so badly that everyone was looking at us. One of the confronters ran to the nearby river with a bucket, collected water, and dumped it on the fire, splashing my friend and me in the process.
After that, I said, “Dude, what the heck,” and my friend threw his cup of beer at the woman with the bucket, effectively escalating the situation to a full-on screaming match with everybody involved. My friends and I were asked to pack up our stuff and leave.
After pushing back, we decided to pack up our stuff, sleep it off in our car for the rest of the night, and drive home in the morning. Upon arriving home, we all got an email saying we were kicked out of the group and to never return.
Now I am left asking, “Are we the jerks for burning firewood?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. I’m going to break this down. The first cutting of firewood is always used as an emergency in case of a storm or a cold front. The whole idea is to not overuse the said wood so that the wood can actually grow without you guys tearing up the campsite.
You have to do some form of conserving the natural bounty here. You guys basically got intoxicated and just started to screw around with things without talking to anyone or working it out with the group. So yeah, you guys should’ve been kicked out and you’re lucky you didn’t get beaten up.” GhostPantherAssualt
Another User Comments:
“YTJ for the wall of punctuationless text. And I hope you and your intoxicated jerk buddies weren’t cutting down living trees for your firewood. You sound pretty irresponsible and you should thank whatever deities you pray to (Dionysius?) that no one was hurt.” TheFilthyDIL
Another User Comments:
“ESH. You said you got intoxicated off your asses, so probably not the safest thing around a fire. That said, if I’m camping, I want a fire… and probably a few drinks. It seems like a conversation should have been had. Freaking out and dumping water on the fire sounds unhinged. Nobody I’ve camped with acted like that.” Crzy_Grl
20. AITJ For Not Selling My Chair To Accommodate My Ex's Broken Loveseat?
“I was with my ex for 6 years. We broke up, and he moved out but remained friends, and after 2 years of separation he moved back in (as friends) so we could share rent and he could be with our cats more often than we were together when we were still a couple.
He’s been back since January. We are both in our early 30s, if it matters.
When he moved in, we agreed that he would be renting my second bedroom, which came partially furnished with an armchair and two desks that he uses for his TV and computer.
The chair is large and fairly comfortable but isn’t a recliner or anything fancy, and it did cost me $300.
My loveseat in the living room broke badly a week ago, so I went out and bought a new one that is being delivered later this week (my mother very kindly helped me financially to get it).
My ex/tenant/roommate asked if I could sell the chair in his room so he could have the broken loveseat. I told him how broken it is (the entire back wooden piece is snapped and it sags now, and the broken wood is dangerous), but he insisted he could fix it enough to be comfortable.
I told him no because I’d have to sell the chair, and I didn’t want to sell it because I like it, and if and when he moves out, I still want it in there.
He picked a big fight, stating that I must not care about him or his comfort, and that I care more about furniture than I do about him.
I explained that I am on disability and don’t have a lot of money, and I don’t want to rebuy a more expensive chair when he eventually moves out (he often talks about moving away). It’s also worth noting that he previously wanted me to sell my $1700 nest chair in the living room (undoubtedly at a huge loss) so he could put his 65-inch TV and game system in the living room, which I also said no to.
I’ve explained many times that we are not together anymore and he is renting a room off me that came partially furnished, and he can’t force me to sell my belongings because he wants his stuff in its place, but he disagrees and thinks that I should do it anyway as a friend and for his comfort, as he says he feels isolated in his room because that’s where all his stuff is.
I tell him all the time that he can hang out in the living room on his phone, laptop, talking to me, watching stuff on my laptop, or using the small game nook I have, but he refuses because it’s not his stuff and he apparently doesn’t like my stuff.
The reality is I just don’t want to sell my stuff, and I feel like he should respect my belongings, finances, and the fact that he is renting a room from me, not co-renting a place. He feels I should care enough about him to sell the furniture so he can be more comfortable.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, he isn’t entitled to demanding you sell your possessions to give him more space when he is renting a room and not a full roommate. That being said, you’re an idiot for re-enmeshing yourself with someone who used to be a partner.
Even as a couple, there is still that expectation of equality. I would highly recommend you consider whether or not this is healthy for the two of you.” knight_shade_realms
Another User Comments:
“I’m gonna ignore the whole moving back in with your ex.
INFO: He’s in the wrong to demand you sell your chair. He is renting a room; you’re not sharing your home with a partner. That being said, I would try to accommodate within reason. Can you stash the chair somewhere else while he’s there?
In another room, or even have a trusted friend take it temporarily? I don’t think it’s unreasonable to let him use the broken loveseat in the room if you can make space. I can understand him wanting his room to be more comfortable.
I’d want the same if I were renting a room somewhere.” JillOfAllTrades21
19. AITJ For Ignoring My Best Friend's Gatekeeping Request Over Her Favorite Show?
“I (20M) want to watch my best friend’s (20F) favorite show at the moment after she kept talking to me about it and I eventually decided I wanted to check it out.
When I told her I wanted to, she told me not to, as she likes to keep her favorite things private so they feel more special and personal and so I don’t potentially criticize them (I have a long history of being a bit heavy handed when criticizing, to be fair, but I’m a lot better now than I used to be) because she says any criticism will ruin it for her.
For a bit more context, my friend and I are pretty much each other’s only friends, just because we’re both fairly weird and asocial and don’t go out to meet new people much, and we both have our fair share of flaws which we don’t mind about each other, and we’ve been friends for about 6 years.
We both like anime and talk about it quite a lot, and she has been talking to me about this new one for a couple of months to the point where I wanted to watch it and see if I’d like it as well.
My friend has a weird thing, however, in that she likes to keep her most favorite things personal to herself (from me, the only person she shares them with) so that they feel more unique and special for her, and basically she just gatekeeps them, which I’m normally fine with as we’ll still talk and yap about them anyway even if I haven’t seen them.
This show is one of those things she likes to keep personal, and we keep on yapping about it, and she shows me clips since I’m the only person with whom she can’t really share it. Eventually, everything has convinced me to watch it, but she’s always insisted that I don’t, and we’ve been through this specific debate a couple of times now, yet we still keep yapping about the show happily anyway.
Despite that, I have started to watch it, as I don’t really want to let her just gatekeep it from me, and generally I don’t think media or culture is something that should be kept behind any bars. It’s also not even about embarrassment, as she never would have talked to me about it so much, and from everything I’ve seen of it so far, it’s completely fine considering how well we know each other.
I probably won’t ever tell her I’ve watched it at all, as I know she’ll just get upset by it; having known her for about 6 years, it’ll be a whole ordeal that will just be a pain and ultimately mean nothing.
This is the only time it has really come to me actually wanting to watch it and for her wanting to gatekeep it, and the only thing I’m really curious about is if other people think I’m being a jerk by not listening to her or if she’s just gatekeeping the show and I shouldn’t care.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. This is a really out-of-line demand from her. This is a show made for audiences to watch; it isn’t unique or personal to her. The creators of the show would be thrilled to hear your friend liked it, and now you want to watch it, that’s how pop culture works.
It would have been reasonable for her to ask you to not criticize the show if you happened to not like it, but asking you to stay away entirely is not a reasonable request.” cofencehopper
Another User Comments:
“ESH. She shouldn’t be so controlling, but it sounds like you have a habit of criticizing things she likes.
I used to do that. You need to stop and let people enjoy their crap. She also needs to tell you to shut up and not worry about what you think.” MarzipanBoleyn1536
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. What the heck is wrong with these people who want to hoard experiences that are public for themselves and get upset when anyone around them dares to also want to experience the same thing?
So if she likes, say, white chocolate strawberry cream cheesecake and decides that’s her thing, does that mean no one else in her family, immediate friends, work colleagues, the person who catches the same bus as her, and the postal worker who brings her mail can ever have this cake?
This is so bizarre” aikigrl
18. AITJ For Not Letting My Fiancé Take Mocha To His Mom’s Filthy Hoarder House?
“My fiancé (28M) and I (26F) have been together for five years, living together for the last 2.5 years. Our relationship has become an emotional dead zone—we haven’t been affectionate or intimate in a long time, and our home is a complete disaster because, honestly, we just weren’t ready to be on our own.
We’ve both been struggling with our mental health, so we’ve decided to move back in with our parents, live separately for a while, and work on ourselves while still staying together.
We have two cats: Mocha (2F) and Coffee Bean (1.5M). Coffee Bean is bonded to me, while Mocha is attached to my fiancé.
Mocha was my first-ever pet because every animal I had growing up technically belonged to my mom. Mocha was also my fiancé’s first pet since his parents were allergic. We both love her deeply, but I don’t feel comfortable letting him take her when we move.
Here’s why: 1. His mom’s house is filthy, including her bedroom and the dining room. When his late mother (mom and mother, yes) was diagnosed with dementia, his mom had to take care of her, and the house fell into complete disarray. She hasn’t been able to get it back on track since her passing.
His room is the worst of it. He goes over daily to clean, but according to him, the place is knee-deep in garbage, rotting food, spiders, and cockroaches. Not only does he not think he can get it done by the end of the month when our 30-day notice is up and needs me to hold on to her while he finishes his room, but she won’t be able to roam the house freely and will be trapped in his room.
I cannot, in good conscience, send Mocha into that environment.
2. He gets overwhelmed by Mocha wanting attention. When she wants to play or cuddle at a time he isn’t in the mood, he gets frustrated, yells at her, and brings her to me with her toy.
She’ll run back to him because she loves him, but instead of engaging, he just gets more frustrated. When she begs for food, he goes into meltdown mode instead of just handling it like I do. He has to lock her out of the gaming room to eat sometimes.
Meanwhile, I don’t have this issue with the cats. If they beg, I give them a tiny treat, and they move on. When Coffee Bean gets pushy, I play with him for five minutes, and then he chills. I call him my “naughty snuggle buggle” while throwing his favorite toy, and once he’s gotten his energy out, I can go back to whatever I was doing.
The complication: Technically, both cats are legally mine. Their Banfield memberships and microchips are in my name. I don’t want to hurt my fiancé, and I know he loves Mocha, but I genuinely don’t think she will be safe or happy at his mom’s house.
When I brought this up, he got upset, and we had a fight. Would I be the jerk if I refused to let him take Mocha?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It isn’t humane or safe for the cats to live in a hoarder’s house.
You’re also not breaking up with your fiancé, so it’s not like he can’t come over to visit the cats. If your fiancé has trouble accepting this (which I think would only happen if he’s incredibly stupid/selfish), have him look into “flat cats” (huge TW for animal death and the horrors of neglect) and the fates of other pets living in hoarding situations.
Best of luck in working on improving your mental health and your relationship with your fiancé!” alidoubleyoo
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. He wants you to take Mocha until he gets a space cleaned to keep her in. In my experience with my kids: 1. The cleanup never happens.
2. They realize they can’t afford to feed or take the pet to a vet, and realize how much of a pet commitment they don’t want. So my temporarily keeping the pet just means the pet will be mine if I don’t rehome it. I’m pretty sure your partner probably won’t ask for the cat back.
If they do at that point, point out all the issues you shared here. Got to say though I’m pretty sure your partner asking you to take the cat was them trying to slip the leash of responsibility without making themselves look bad. Because splitting the pets based on who the pet is most bonded to is the obvious solution, but they don’t want to look bad.” becoming_maxine
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I think your partner having terrible mental health and moving into a hoarder house is already an awful idea; he’s not going to get better by living in that. That’s quite apart from everything with Mocha. I 1000% think you’re in the right here; he sounds like he can barely stand to be around her when she isn’t quiet and non-annoying as it is.
What is he going to do when she’s annoying and he can’t pawn her off on you? It would be cruel to take her into such an unsafe environment. If your fiancé and his mum can’t look after themselves, how are they going to look after a ‘needy’ and ‘annoying’ cat?
Also, you mention that he didn’t have pets as a kid because of parental allergies. Was that just on his late mum’s part? Is the mum that he’s moving in with okay around animals?” Fiigwort
17. AITJ For Asking For My Money Back From My Mom After The Car Sale?
“So about October of last year, my mom and I (17) both split the cost for my new car. It was about $2,000 (cash only) with me paying $800 and her paying $1,200, with a promise that I’d pay everything back once my job picked up again (the construction company I recently started working at can’t operate the machines effectively during the winters, so I couldn’t work during those months).
We bought the car knowing it needed a new battery and a couple of other things so that it could be safe to drive around.
The problem came when my mom actually drove the car and realized she didn’t like it at all. I didn’t have a problem with it because, in my head, it was just something to get around town with.
She wanted to sell it from the beginning, and since it still needed so much work to be done (including registering the thing), she didn’t let me drive it. Every couple of weeks, she’d make comments about selling it, how it was too small for her, and how much she didn’t like it.
Now… I understand to some degree the action of selling the car, as I still didn’t have my permit. I was prohibited from using the car until everything was fixed up, so in my head I didn’t see the point in getting the permit to drive it.
I’m okay (although I didn’t want to be) with selling the car, but I’m really here because my mom feels like I’m being a jerk for asking $600 back from the sale. She had sold the car for $2,200 (cash only) while I was in school and began telling me that she was owed the majority of the initial $800 I gave her, and we began arguing about the money I had given her.
I really do believe her taking $200 is more than a fair deal considering:
1. She did pay for the new battery ($175), an oil change ($50), and a window that was broken by the mechanic for a discounted fee ($200).
2. The car was sold for more than it was bought for.
3. She’s the one who decided to sell the car, not me.
Am I in the right asking for my $600 back, or should I just shut up, stop complaining on social media, and be grateful that I’m even receiving any kind of money from the sale.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – So, including repairs needed at purchase, she put in 1625, with the total cost then being 2425. So it wasn’t really sold at a profit. But yes, you should get at least 600 back of your 800. Assuming you’re not missing any repairs and my math is right, the loss is 225.
Seems like a pretty good deal for her to only have to eat $25 of that loss especially since she is the only one who drove it. I’d say your ask is generous to her ” a_lee4
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – As it’s a joint investment, you should pay half the expenses (oil change, battery, and windshield) and also split the profit.
That said, she invested more, and that counts. It was ‘around 2k’ — you need to know exactly. If it were 2500, for example, the numbers would change. Let’s say 2k and 425 expenses. She paid just shy of 2x more than you. Her investment was around 1645.
Yours was 800. It sold for 2200. Approximately 550 was left after she got her initial money back. Not sure where you’re located, but you probably had to pay for taxes, tags, and insurance as well. It’s quite possible she actually lost money, with everything included. It would’ve had to have been in her name so there’s extra cost with registering vehicles and insuring them.
I think you’d have better luck asking her for the $200 profit, and even then, it may not have actually been a profit.” United-Manner20
16. AITJ For Not Buying Tissue When My Mom Demands It?
“Okay so I (20F) recently got a job in college to help me pay for my everyday necessities and stuff because my mom (42F) would never help me pay for anything or put up a fight when I would ask for money to get things like groceries (I have a meal plan at my school, but it is very limited so I have to eat at home to save meal swipes some days).
To note, no, she doesn’t even pay for my schooling; my grandfather does because she claims she doesn’t have enough to help me out when paying for school. We don’t have a good relationship at all and do not talk to each other when I am back at school.
So yesterday I came home so I could do my hair, and the minute she sees me (no hi or hello, how are you doing?) she demands I buy tissue for the house. Mind you, I don’t live here 10 months out of the year and I still need to buy myself groceries and toiletries, so I was caught off guard and just stared at her.
Then she walked past me and said it better be here when I come home from work and just left.
I was then told by my other mother that she had just spent 300 dollars to get the couch and carpet cleaned because she is hosting people over next weekend, and she doesn’t understand why she didn’t buy tissue with that (also why she is hosting people when she claims she has no money), and I agreed, so I didn’t buy it because I didn’t want to, and I have things I have to pay for for myself because I get no help from anyone else (the tissue she wants me to get is the big pack for like 30 bucks).
She then comes into my room early this morning, asking why I didn’t buy the tissue and going in on me about how I don’t do what she asks me to do, and I better get it today, but I feel like I shouldn’t have to.
You paid money to get stuff cleaned just because you are having company, when you can’t even buy tissue for the house or groceries either (it’s basically an all-man-for-himself household, and my other mother is tired of always getting food when she doesn’t contribute to anything).
So WIBTJ if I didn’t buy the tissue? It seems that whenever she sees I do have some sort of money, she’s always asking me for some, even though I really don’t have it because I work a minimum wage job twice a week while she gets paid more than me and works every day.”
Another User Comments:
“That’s kind of a complicated question. While I absolutely understand wanting/needing to keep your own money, it also sounds like, despite your education being paid for, you’re still living at home. Do you contribute to the house in any other ways (rent, bills, cleaning, etc.)?
If not, is it possible that you could tell your mother that you’ll buy a smaller pack than the $30 one she’s requesting, or tell her that you can see what you have left after making your own necessary purchases?” Dry-Parsnip-5141
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It’s clear that your mom is not supporting you as a college student. And you’re over 18. So the dynamic here, when you’re home, is somewhere between a guest and a roommate. You should ‘carry your own weight,’ but there’s no need for you to be a net contributor to your mom’s household.
She’s not going to be happy with whatever you do, so do what you think is fair. Or another way to look at it is if you want to ‘keep the peace’ for now, then just buy whatever amount of tissue you think is reasonable toward that end.” 1962Michael
15. AITJ For Yelling At A Power Company Worker For Leaning On My Car?
“So, I’m doing the dishes and looking out the kitchen window when I see a person leaning on my car. It’s a bit frustrating, but not worth a confrontation. Anyway, I keep watching him. He wears overalls and a backpack, and he also has some gadgets attached to his belt.
My mind immediately pictures the scratches he may be causing. (It’s a relatively new car, a Skoda Kamiq, which cost me around $45k because of the insane taxing policy in my country.) I’m seriously angry now, but I’m still not saying anything.
I go make myself a coffee, thinking he’d leave any time now because he seems to be waiting for something.
I look again 3–4 minutes later, and he is still there. Just when I’m preparing to ask him not to lean, he starts walking. He is on the phone. I’m thinking, okay, that was close. Then he approaches my car again, and this time he puts his hand on the side window and looks inside.
That’s when I decide to open the window and say something. It was rather an impulse.
‘Hey, why are you touching the car?’ I yell because he is on the other side of the relatively wide street. He searches for the source, and our eyes meet.
He is confused. He leaves the car and gets closer to me, crossing the street slowly. ‘I was just leaning,’ he says. ‘I haven’t done anything to your precious car, just leaned for a second.’ These are not his exact words, but I translate them because what he really said wouldn’t make sense in English.
For anyone who wants the original, he said, ‘I haven’t eaten your car.’
‘Well, don’t. I’ve been watching you for an hour and you’ve been touching the car,’ I say. I admit I still kind of yell, not only to make my voice heard but also because adrenaline starts kicking in.
My gestures are exaggerated, and my wife comes rushing to me, fearing I’m fighting someone.
‘Why are you yelling? Go report me,’ he says. ‘Go on, file a report.’ His confusion is gone. That response is common in my country. When you know nobody will bother punishing you for “minor” offenses, you spam, “Go sue/report me.” I’m not saying what he did was a crime, but that mentality contributed to my anger.
‘Why are you touching someone’s property? Don’t. You can’t do that, my man.’ Make no mistake, that “my man” at the end is not friendly. It has an offensive, contemptuous flavor, which he picks up, and he gets aggressive. He is yelling now. I close the window as he is saying something like, ‘Do you know how many…’ I don’t hear the rest of his words, but they are not friendly either.
Then I hear him complaining about me to his coworker, whom I did not see hearing our exchange because he was blocked by my garden fence. The worker I’ve been arguing with is saying, “I leaned on his car, and he made a fuss about it, bla bla.”
A couple of hours later, I see a power company–branded car pause in front of my car. My wife tells me she saw three men inside, and one of them pointed at our car. So?”
Another User Comments:
“Wouldn’t this guy’s company do something about his behaviour?
I imagine they’ll know who he is if you give them the approximate address and time of this interaction. They’ll only have sent a few guys to that area, and they’ll probably already know which one was acting up.” Hairystench
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Yelling is rarely the best way to go.
The guy leaning on your car was being a jerk. Rather than waiting until you are very upset, go out there in a friendly manner and ask him not to lean on your car.” NoRazzmatazz564
14. AITJ For Using A Chord Presser?
“Recently, a friend in the music program at my college asked me to help clean out some stuff in the studio storage space (she’s a TA), and while we were doing that, I found this chord presser device for guitars.
Basically, you put it on the neck of the guitar where you would press on the strings while playing, and you can play a full chord by pressing one or two buttons on the device. My friend told me it is more meant for people with arthritis, but said I could take it because nobody has used it in ages.
I also have an old guitar from a relative when I was younger, so I figured, why not?
Now, while I do not sing at a performance level or for anyone really, I do like it as an outlet, and the guitar is fun to add to that.
At one point, my dorm neighbor/friend (Tracy) heard me and, thinking that I played the guitar like her, came over to check it out. When she realized that I was using the chord presser, she got mad and said that I was bending the rules and “doing the equivalent of using ChatGPT to write a poem” and taking the soul out of the music by not fully playing it myself.
She also said that this shows how I, as a person, lack discipline.
I told her to get out of my room and off her high horse. It’s not like I’m lying about using a chord presser, and I’m not hurting anyone by doing it.
Also, the crap she said about discipline really bothered me. Yeah, I’m not learning and mastering the guitar, but just because I do something at a hobby level doesn’t mean I am a lazy slob.
The friend who gave me the chord presser figures that as long as I’m having fun, it is cool.
A couple of friends think I am ‘disrespecting’ the instrument and the skill it takes to play it by using the presser. One of them even pointed out that Tracy is kind of right, as my other hobby (cross stitching) doesn’t require any actual skill either, so the discipline thing stands, which, like, ouch.
Our other friends do not really care, but none of them have any interest in music, so they do not have an opinion on the act of ‘playing’ it. So AITJ at ‘bending the rules’ on the guitar?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I use one due to an old wrist injury.
I do think you’ll be more satisfied with yourself (I could be wrong, I’m totally reading that into the tone of your post) if you learn to play properly without one since you’re capable, but it doesn’t really lessen the amount of skill involved needed to play music.” Acrobatic_Hippo_9593
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She shouldn’t care what you’re doing as a hobby on your own time, for your own entertainment. As long as you’re having a good time and enjoying yourself, there’s nothing wrong with using a tool to help save your fingers and make it a bit easier.
A hobby is meant to be time for you to relax, not something that necessarily requires a ton of discipline, and I do not think what you do while you’re relaxing and working on a hobby translates to the rest of your life. Unfair judgment for her to make for sure.” GeckOuttaHere
13. AITJ For Stopping My Little Cousin From Touching My Guinea Pig?
“So I had just bought a new guinea pig, and this is my second guinea pig after my other one just passed away (I have 3).
And my little cousin has never been told “no,” so everyone will just bend the rules and make an exception for her, but for me, when it comes to my pets, I will not make any exceptions because my pets matter more than she does.
My little cousin has an obsession with pets—dogs, cats, etc.—and in the past, she has had a lizard which died because she did not take good care of it. Okay, like I said, I just bought a guinea pig, and when we have “family gatherings,” I will sometimes bring my guinea pigs out of the cage and let people see them because I don’t like people in my life.
One day, I let my little cousin and one of my other cousins into my room, and my little cousin immediately said she wanted a pet and to touch the guinea pig. Since she doesn’t have any bond with her, I said no. Then my older cousin told me, “Just let her touch the stupid little guinea pig.
It’s not gonna hurt her,” to which I replied, “I’m not going to stress out my stupid little guinea pig for her sake.”
Then my little cousin immediately started bawling her eyes out and ran to her mom. Two seconds later, I heard my name being called by her mom, and her mom said, “Just let her pet the stupid little guinea pig.
It’s not gonna hurt her.” Then I said, “Tell me more about how I can stress out my guinea pig and kill her. Tell me more about it, please,” so her mom backed off. I went back up to my room to do some things, and then I heard my mom call my name and say, “Why did you just yell at my cousin?” Then I said, “I did not yell at her.
I told her I will not be letting my little cousin pet her because she does not have a bond and she needs to be told no once in her life.” So, am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“N TJ. No one touches the guinea pigs without your permission.
If you think someone is going to stress you, you have the right to say no. Don’t let them wind you up; they are being ignorant. Just say no, it’s not good for the animal, and shut the door. Try not to engage more than necessary; you don’t want the conflict to become about other things (your attitude, etc).” Starbeets
Another User Comments:
“I was going to say not the jerk, but reading through this, you seem to have quite the attitude. How old are you? Because you sound quite young. You’re not the jerk for not wanting the guinea pig pet, but YTJ for the way you handled it.
She’s a child. You could have easily not let her in your room, covered the cage, explained ahead of time to your mom and aunt that you didn’t want anyone touching them, etc. Instead, you reacted like a kindergartner.” MaidenEevee
12. AITJ For Defying My Mom's Religious Rules To See A Concert?
“I (18F) have a university break next week, and last May, I decided to buy tickets with my friends to go to a concert to see an artist co-headlining with another artist I’ve liked since I was 14 or so. I’m going with friends, one of whom I haven’t seen in a while because she goes to school three hours away, so this was really important to me.
I told my Dad (70M) last week of my plans, and he didn’t react much and just said “okay,” but then I told my mom. My mom (55F) started yelling at me and told me that because we are Christians, I shouldn’t go see a non-Christian artist. In June, though, I went to a non-Christian concert with my other friends, and even though they begrudgingly accepted it, my mom told me that it didn’t add anything to my life and that concerts had no benefit.
My mom villainized me and accused me of being obsessed with music and concerts, and she made me feel bad for wanting to do so. I do love music; I love playing it, and I even want to work in the music industry when I am older.
I’m doing some internships for it now. I manage an artist, and he’s having his first show this month, and I can’t even be there. She called me argumentative and told me that I acted like I knew everything and always combated people when they tried to tell me the “right” thing.
My mom is also concerned about concert safety and says that people who go to concerts do substances, engage in intimacy, and indulge in bad things. There is security at the venue, and I’m going to be with my friends at all times, and I’m either getting a ride there from trusted people or taking a rideshare.
So basically, a concert I’ve been waiting for almost a year I’m not going to unless someone else talks to her about it. I’m not upset because I paid $25 for it, so it’s not a lot of money. Even when I do have money to pay for things, if I don’t ask my parents or if they say no, then I won’t go at all.
My mom does make me stressed so much, and living at home is stressful, but they provide so much, and in this economy, moving out is unattainable, so I’m just waiting until I graduate. I can’t help but wonder if I’m the jerk for springing this upon her last minute, acting “entitled,” and arguing.
So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but I’ll tell you some life advice. You’re 18. You’re now an adult, and it’s clear this is a path you enjoy. Going to a concert would help you on your path because you learn more about how people react, how stages are set up, how the talent plays, etc. Your mom is trying to keep you in a box because that’s all SHE knows.
She isn’t willing to open her worldview, but you are, and as a newly minted adult, take advantage of it. Yeah, you’ll feel bad; it’s the guilt of going against a parent, but when the parent is also unwilling to learn or be open-minded about things, then let the guilt subside.
Just don’t tell your mom about concerts because it’s clear she doesn’t want to hear it. Go have fun.” rejectchowder
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You are 18, which means that, legally, you are an adult. It also means that you don’t have to tell your parents about everything in your life.
You are at the threshold of starting your own life, which means that you are supposed to be making your own decisions, apart from your parents. Otherwise, you will be under their control for the rest of your life.” bamf1701
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. In any case, you’re not entitled for wanting to go to the concert, and you’re not “arguing” for no reason.
You’re standing up for something that brings you joy and aligns with your interests. It’s tough when there are generational or ideological differences, but at 18, you have the right to make independent choices.” Appropriate-Rise-759
11. AITJ For Setting A 3AM Backup Alarm To Teach Him A Lesson?
“I 25f & my 26m fiancé & I have been together for 3 years & living together for 2. Last night, my fiancé put his phone in the bathroom to charge, which is basically attached to our bedroom, and set an alarm to wake him up. All of our outlets in our bedroom are occupied, and he could’ve asked for something not important to be unplugged for the night, but he didn’t.
He had to be at work by 6 a.m. and asked me to set a backup alarm just in case his doesn’t go off, so I did… for 3 a.m. Now I know it might look like I am the jerk, right, but he works at a job where if you are late x amount of times, they will fire you.
So, as you can imagine, this isn’t his first, second, or third time being late at this job alone.
He once again put his phone on charge in the bathroom, where he had set an alarm, and did not wake up when it went off, resulting in him being late at least 2 times before.
So when he asked me to set a backup alarm, which I have done for him on more than just the times his phone was charging in the bathroom, I set it a little earlier than he requested this time. I woke up at 6:15 a.m., saw he was still sleeping next to me, and told him he was late for work.
I have never seen him get out of bed this fast when he was late before. He started blaming me for the backup alarm (which I should’ve just set and let go of), even though he is a grown man who is consistently late to every job he has ever worked and needed a reality check.
I assumed he would just get up, grab his phone, look at it, and bring it into bed, but he didn’t, and he asked why it was set to 3 a.m., and now it’s my fault he is going to be fired—as if I were the reason he is late all the time.
He is banging doors open and slamming cabinets shut while mumbling under his breath as he is getting ready; and I am telling him where his stuff is and reminding him to take his time driving because of the ice storm we had last night.
He is misplacing his feelings of frustration onto me, and I told him it’s not my fault, and it is not fair for him to fully blame me for his lateness. He has done this several times before, and I don’t understand why he still plugs his phone in the bathroom to charge.
I do feel bad about not just setting it for the time he needed to be up, but he has been in this exact situation at least 2 times already, resulting in him being late. He has also let it charge in the kitchen, thinking he would be able to wake up to it multiple times before as well.
He is just late sometimes in general; either he starts getting ready too late or he is making his lunch too slowly. I have, in the past, helped him with his lunch when he was scrambling around because he was consistently late to work more times than I can count.
I am worried that he will get into an accident or something because we just had an ice storm, and he is angry while driving to work—basically just to get fired. I am probably the jerk, but he is a grown man who has a bad habit of being late, and that habit has cost him his job.
I am probably the jerk.”
Another User Comments:
“ESH. He should be able to figure out how to wake up on his own. You *deliberately* set an alarm at a time you knew was useless. You did this essentially out of spite because you thought he needed to learn a lesson.
You also knew it was actually very important that he be up on time. This is such jerk behavior I almost said YTJ instead of ESH. Even though the main situation is his fault, I would be incredibly angry at you.” FacetiousTomato
Another User Comments:
“ESH. Since he’s your fiancé, that means he is your life partner, not just some overnight partner. Which means you should help him rather than try to sabotage him. I get that you’re tired of having to be his backup alarm for him to get to work on time, but you need to try to help him find a solution to this problem.
Get an outlet extender so you can plug in more electronics in your bedroom. Problem solved. This is why I said ESH. He should have been the first one to think of this plan, but the fact is that neither of you tried to find a real solution to this problem.” bbbmine
10. AITJ For Considering Moving Our Road Easement To Avoid My Neighbor's Fence?
“We moved to our home 24 years ago, in July 2001. The road we live on is dirt and is not maintained by the county. We immediately started keeping the road. We bought a tractor to grade it, fill in holes, maintain ditches, and keep it drivable.
We alone have provided maintenance for the road and have never asked for money or help. We figured we were going to use it, so why do we care if others benefit?
Our neighbor that lives past us has been there since the 70s. He also owned property closer to the public highway and gave two 10-acre plots to his two sons.
He also sold 5 acres to someone else. That property is adjacent to ours.
Our private road (easement in legal terms) originally went right through the middle of the two 10-acre plots he gifted his sons. One of his sons complained for months and threatened to block access.
He happens to own the property at the public highway. We wanted to be good neighbors, and at our own expense, we routed the easement to the side of his property. We talked to the owner of the land beside his, and he agreed to give us 15′, and the son agreed to give 15′.
We had to clear land, bring in clay, and build a road. We did keep using the original drive that connected to the highway, and to do so, the easement is still 15-20′ on their property. The driveway was paved years ago by the state while doing road improvements.
Recently, they built a fence halfway into the portion of the road that connects to the driveway. Keep in mind, they have no other fences on their property, no animals; the fence is only 100′. Its only purpose is to block access. The fence causes us to drive through a sandy area that causes the garbage truck and small cars to get stuck.
We talked to a lawyer years ago, and we know that they can’t do this to an established easement. They can’t block access. He also said that if they did, we should not just run over it. My first thought is to relocate the easement again at our cost, just to keep the peace.
But then I wonder, will they just keep pushing?
Should I just move the easement again? Should I sue them to remove the fence? Or should I talk to the neighbor next to him to gain a little more than the 15′ he has given, build a new drive connecting to the highway, and restrict access to his father?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You have been more than accommodating, only to be disrespected. Consult with a lawyer. I wouldn’t sue immediately. Probably best to have a lawyer send a cease & desist letter first. Was the original easement ever legally terminated? I can be vindictive, and if the old easement is still legally valid, I would consider going back to using the old driveway.” mm1palmer
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Get a real estate lawyer and do it legally. If you decide to move the road, or whatever, as part of the process, that’s fine. Just go through the courts so it is all handled correctly and the owner realizes that this is something real and serious.” supermarino
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It’s never TA to prevent someone from causing you harm, damaging your property, threatening your physical or emotional safety, or doing something that is blatantly illegal. What neighbor is doing is illegal, stupid, petty, and just plain mean. Sue. Proudly and confidently.” Money-Possibility606
9. AITJ For Confronting My Niece Over My Son Not Playing With Her Daughter?
“The parties involved in this dispute are myself (44/F), my 11-year-old son, my 44-year-old sister, my 25-year-old niece, and her 6-year-old daughter.
My son is a typical 11-year-old boy – into video games and Legos. The 6-year-old is into baby dolls and playing house. He has played house with her many times out of kindness – but he would rather not. She is the princess in the family as far as my parents, my sister, and her three kids are concerned. You do what she says when she says it.
I was hosting a party at my house. My sister and great niece were two of the guests, along with other family members and, eventually, a friend.
At some point, from what I understand, my son told his second cousin that he did not want to play with her because his friend was coming over.
His friend had not arrived yet. But he had been anxiously awaiting his arrival for over an hour. (They were late).
I knew nothing of the situation when it occurred. Later, my husband told me that he was also unaware of it. I only learned of it when I overheard my sister telling my cousin that her granddaughter wanted to go home because my son said he did not want to play with her.
When I overheard that, I immediately went to my son and pulled him aside to talk about it.
Unbeknownst to me, another discussion had already been occurring between my sister and her daughter. My niece, who was not at the party, began texting me, accusing me because my son did not play with her daughter.
She told me that he was rude and asked why he could not play with her and his friends. My son and her daughter were the only kids at this point. I told her to basically back off because she had no idea how or if I was handling it.
At this point, she texted me that my sister had told her that both my husband and I knew, but had just shrugged it off, and that she was not having him be rude to her daughter. I reiterated to her that I had known nothing of it until I overheard it, and that no one had approached me about it – but that I had immediately pulled him aside once I found out.
When my niece arrived to pick up her daughter, I went out to confront her. She yelled at me that my son was a jerk and did this all the time when his friends were around … and that I was just afraid to stand up to him.
At this point, I yelled unkind things about her daughter (which I AITJ for). Then they all left.
The problem, as far as I have witnessed, is that when he does not play the way she wants (with or without his friends), she demands to go home.
But, as far as they are concerned, he is being a jerk to her. I have always taught him that he does not have to play with everyone, but that he does have to be kind and put himself in the other person’s shoes in these types of situations.
So, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, it is nobody’s place to force him to play with anyone when he does not want to. He was waiting patiently for his friend to show up, even if he was anxious about his friend being late. If the family continues treating the 6-year-old like a princess to that extent, she will likely grow up thinking that everything and everyone must bend to her will as the family does already.” Agitated-Valuable-13
Another User Comments:
“ESH. You’re on the wrong side of this argument. You should have been defending your son’s right to not play with the annoying six-year-old when he doesn’t feel like it. You’re also a jerk for not punching the niece in her stupid face for calling your kid a jerk.
Instead, you got defensive because she said you weren’t doing enough about it, and bashed a six-year-old. Get your priorities straight. Good grief, you’re lucky he’s willing to play with her at all. The solution is that since she thinks your kid is such a jerk, he never has to entertain the kid again.
Ever. EVER!” Saberune
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – You need a divorce from your family. Your niece, and everyone who has enabled her and her daughter to think people should feel privileged to be spat at as long as it’s your niece or offspring. DO NOT give in, DO NOT apologize.
Your niece owes everyone at your home and your son an apology. If anyone yelled or tried to tell your son he had to play with a 6-year-old, they also owe you and your son apologies. How has no one put your niece in her place before this point?!” One_Yak8698
8. AITJ For Denying My Sister Access To Mom Because Of Financial Strain?
“I was born to a single mother who had my older sister (32F), who is actually my half sister, from another man that she left when my sister was about three years old. At Christmas dinner, our entire family gathered, so we caught up. I have a really difficult but well-paying job, one that exhausts me, but having had a single mother with no stable income of any kind, reliable job, etc., in the past, I’ve had to skip meals quite often, and I absolutely fear going back to that.
So I’ve made clear that my goal is to keep the income I have right now at any cost.
My sister was quick to comment that since I have a well-paying job (and the possibility of a raise in the future), then I have to be the one who will entirely financially cover our mother’s medical bills and needs towards the end of her life.
It didn’t sound like a joke.
My mom is chronically ill and has always been. She has arthritis, psoriasis, is on immunosuppressants, has had cancer, as well as being overweight, and recently having had to go through surgery because her stomach was in a terrible state.
I supported her as much as I could, but these ridiculous amounts rack up quickly in cost. I had to borrow money, and it was heck to pay off. My sister never, EVER, helped.
I answered “You’ve never done crap for her before and you still won’t do crap for her when she needs you most. I’m tired of you acting like I or she owes you anything when you could never do anything yourself.” She got extremely upset, at first telling me I was overreacting and that it was “just logic” that I’d be the one paying for our mom.
But it isn’t the first time she’s putting our mother’s care in my hands and using us for money while she spends what little she has on restaurants and unnecessary things. She then went off rails and started accusing my mother of never doing anything for her either, being a selfish woman, and many more things that upset everyone at the table.
I outright told her to shut up and to get out of my house and added that, considering I WILL be taking care of our mother, I won’t be letting her see her again, even when the time comes that she’s on her deathbed. She told me to go screw myself, that I was being unreasonable, etc. We haven’t spoken since, but my grandma says she’s still angry at me and regularly talks crap about me.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. I can imagine you are frustrated to bear all the financial burden, but it is in no way, shape, or form your right to choose whether your mother gets to see her daughter when she is dying or whether she has a relationship with her or not.
You can only decide if you want a relationship with her.” blue_eyes_forever
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. If you choose to take on your mother as a dependent, that is your decision. It does not obligate your sister. How old is your mother? Why is she unable to take care of herself financially?
If you didn’t exist, what would become of your mother? (In other words, what government or charity systems are available to her?)” EmceeSuzy
7. AITJ For Calling Out My Aunt For Identity Theft?
“I have no clue how to start this, so here we go.
I am 27 years old and work seasonally at a beach club/music festival around the US as a bartender/server. When I was around 13 or 14, my aunt, with two disabled children (who are now 21), asked if I would be willing to take a job with the agency she goes through for the children’s benefits.
The deal she explained to me was that she would put in the hours and collect the checks at the end of the week, but come tax season, I would “make out great” with taxes. Unfortunately, at the time, my mother was in the midst of her addiction and wasn’t there to explain the consequences of what this could bring.
At 13, I agreed to what my aunt was asking, not fully aware of what it meant. I tried filing the taxes probably three times with the W-2s from both of the children and ended up owing or getting nothing back because I was working while she was claiming I worked for her as well.
When I was 21, I demanded that she stop claiming wages in my name. She told me she had done so and stopped. Again, I owed on taxes. So, to my knowledge, for the past six years she was not claiming wages in my name after I said stop.
Like I said before, my work is seasonal for the most part, with bartending festivals and the beach club only being open from summer to late fall. HR suggested I file for unemployment since they had to push our reopening date back a month. When I applied for unemployment, the woman I was speaking to informed me that I had wages in another state from my aunt’s children.
My wages in all states will be looked at and sent to me for review; that was three days ago. That paperwork came in two days ago. It showed that within the last year, my aunt had claimed $61,568 in my name. I immediately contacted her through text (I have been refusing to speak on the phone in case I need messages documented) and begged to know why she didn’t stop when I asked her six years ago to stop, since those wages potentially made me ineligible for unemployment.
I did find out today that I will be getting unemployment based on those wages as well.
The woman I spoke to said I’d be getting more unemployment benefits because of those wages. Since she had been claiming that amount in my name for such a long time, and I hadn’t filed the taxes because I had no idea she was still doing it, she did say again that she would stop, but she didn’t last time.
My mother is freaking out on my aunt. My 80-year-old grandfather has called to see what is going on, and I was honest with him, but he’s just trying to do damage control so no one will report my aunt. I don’t want her to get arrested, but I cannot pay the taxes that are owed. She has reached out and told me to do the taxes and that she will take care of them.
But the point is, she should never have kept going to begin with. I agreed and said I wouldn’t be paying the taxes she would as soon as I found out how much they are. I would also appreciate financial help since she’s been doing this to me for years.
AITJ for calling her out and expecting her to make it right?”
Another User Comments:
“Get a good tax accountant or lawyer and do what they say. It’s also high time that you (or your lawyer) contacted the agency in question and told them straight out that you never worked for them or received any money they paid out in your name.
Your aunt is clearly not going to stop, much less make things right, so you have to. If your cousins suffer, it will be your aunt’s fault both for the fraud and for lying when she claimed she wouldn’t do it anymore. I don’t know why you think she’s honest now about paying the taxes she built up in your name.
The tax authorities are the absolutely last people you want to have to explain this mess to without the help of a lawyer, and they’ll probably catch on eventually. If, by some miracle, your aunt actually gives you some of her profits from this crime, DON’T accept them.
You’re in a big enough tax mess without implicating yourself in the fraud by taking some of the profits. NTJ for calling Aunt out, but you’re being foolish if you think she will or can make this right.” SavingsRhubarb8746
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You need to report her identity theft, or you will be responsible for all the back taxes and all the loans she has taken out in your name that you don’t know yet.
Make a police report RIGHT NOW before your jerk family can guilt you any more. This has the potential to ruin your life for decades.” k23_k23
Another User Comments:
“If you have any plans for your future, you need to report this. Financial aid?
Nope. Mortgage? Nope. Get a real job and file taxes – oh, you’ll be screwed. Don’t wait for someone else to do damage control; she isn’t going to stop. She took advantage of you so hard, you need to run a full credit check to see what else she’s done in your name ASAP.” jsbleez
6. AITJ For Keeping My Distance From My Roommate's Substance Sessions?
“My roommate (48 M) has a daughter (16) with whom he has had a turbulent relationship pretty much her whole life. She ran away when she was 14 and has been couch surfing/staying with her mom (who I don’t know much about)/living at a group home since then.
She didn’t see her dad much at all during that time, maybe once a month for a few minutes, so he could give her money. Past that, she refused to see him entirely. For the last few weeks, she’s started coming to our house almost every day.
I don’t mind her coming over. I would hope that she and her dad would have a good relationship and see each other. The issue is that we all smoke substances. The daughter smokes substances as well, and I have conflicting opinions on that.
I was a huge stoner (among many other things) as a teenager and know that telling a teen who’s already into that kind of thing what to do doesn’t work. It didn’t work on me, and I’m sure it wouldn’t work on her.
She’s going to do what she’s going to do, and I’m not her parent, so I’m not one to tell her what to do anyway.
But my roommate will actively get high with his underage daughter (and her friends!) in our house, and it makes me deeply uncomfortable.
When she’s here, I just keep to my room because, in my opinion, it’s incredibly inappropriate to do things like that with a child, and I don’t want to be around it. When I try to talk to my roommate about it, he just laughs it off and won’t engage in the conversation.
I don’t know how to get it through his head that it’s not okay to get a kid high (especially kids that aren’t yours!).
It bothers me even more because I’m on unsupervised parole, and if anything were to happen and the police found out what he was doing, I could be implicated or associated with it, and they would take me back to jail.
I might be AITJ because this is the first time in a long time his daughter has been willing to spend any time with him, and I’d hate to get in the way of them having a friendly relationship. I firmly believe he is not capable of having a parental relationship with her, mostly because of who he is as a person, but also because I don’t think she would allow for it and would disappear again.
She has asked why I don’t hang out with them when she’s over. (I’m the only woman in the house, and I can tell she wants me to like her, and I do! I just cannot be around that.) I’ve made excuses about not feeling good, etc., because I don’t want to badmouth her dad to her, but I’m three seconds away from saying, “Because I respect you enough as a person and as a child to not behave like that around you, and because there’s something deeply wrong with adults who will partake with children,” the next time she asks.
I’m not sure what to do here. I don’t want to be the reason they have no relationship. She’s not my kid, so I have no say over what she does (and neither do her actual parents, it seems), but this puts me at risk, especially when I tell my roommate that he does not listen.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“I don’t think you’re the jerk at all for telling a grown man to not do substances with someone who’s underage, regardless of who she is and what relationship they have. I know people have a pretty relaxed view of substances, and people don’t see it as a big deal, but still, she’s underage.
Substances are not something they should bond over, and I also think you have the right to tell him to stop, considering you’re roommates. If you both pay to live under the same roof, then you both should be able to communicate and have some ground rules, one of them being not to do substances with kids.
You’re not the jerk-” Vegetable_Gas2434
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Doing substances around his daughter is bad, but doing it around a bunch of other people’s children is a serious problem. Should one of those other parents find out about it and rightfully have a problem with it, they’re going to report him.
This could be a problem for you if it can be proven you knew about it and let it happen while you were around, which this post very well could become evidence of should someone find it. I’d personally be kicking him out or moving out myself as soon as possible.
I would also consider calling CYS, assuming that this girl can safely live full time with her mother. If not, group homes may provide a lot worse of an environment than just someone in the home smoking substances.” dumpsterfire_x
5. AITJ For Letting A Qualified Teacher Join My Homeschool Co-Op Instead Of My Sister?
“I have 3 kids (8, 9, 10).
I started homeschooling them in 2020, and in 2021 I started a co-op with another mom who had 2 kids the same age. We decided to let a couple of other parents and their kids join, so that we would have 12 kids between 3rd and 5th grade.
We meet for 3 hours a day, 4 days a week, and cover science, history, art, and Spanish.
All of the kids are on different levels and learn differently for math and English, so we do that separately. My sister has 4 kids (7, 9, 10, 12) and decided she wanted to start homeschooling. She wanted to join the co-op, but I said no for a couple of reasons:
1. The other moms and I agreed that 16 kids is too many.
2. Her oldest and youngest are not the right age for the group.
3. She won’t contribute much.
4. She can be a bit difficult to deal with.
We just went with reasons 1 and 2 when we explained why it wouldn’t work, and she seemed to take it well.
In December, a woman messaged me and said she had been homeschooling her 2 nieces (8 and 11), but she wanted to help them socialize and thought our co-op was a good fit. We did think that having 14 kids would be a bit much, but we decided to let them in for one big reason.
She was a teacher at a local private school for 20 years. She primarily taught 5th grade, but also spent a few years in 3rd–6th. She has a reputation at the school for being an incredible teacher.
She teaches science and history for us, and agreed to come in early for reading and math for anyone who wants it.
While she mainly teaches reading and math at her nieces’ levels (and they are very behind), she is incredible when it comes to science and history. Once her nieces are at grade level, we’re talking about making this more like a pod arrangement and paying her to teach everything.
She also plans these great field trips for the kids.
My sister found out through the grapevine that we have 2 new girls in the group, and she is mad. I explained why these other kids were better candidates, but she is still mad that I let a random stranger in instead of her.”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. You had valid reasons for turning down your sister. And the decision was not yours alone to make. The group voted for the woman who will contribute to the group. I can understand why your sister is upset, though.
She may be one of those people who mistakenly think homeschooling is as easy as plugging your kid into a laptop and going about your day. She probably has no clue how challenging it is to do it correctly.” Dittoheadforever
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. The fact that your sister is extremely upset tells me you made the correct decision.
She has no right to join your group! (Reason 4 confirmed.) The two reasons you shared still apply! Fourteen is less than sixteen. Her kids’ relative ages haven’t changed. And the fact that the new mom is a very experienced teacher certainly matters.” SushiGuacDNA
Another User Comments:
“My wife and I are in a co-op. Every family has to contribute something, either by teaching or buying supplies, etc. The kids are much more successful than in public schooling, and you know exactly what’s going on during the day. My wife teaches math, and I teach science and history.
Only our oldest is in school, but she’s already ahead of the curve in her reading skills and math. Congrats on making a great choice. It should be a group vote on who can or can’t join a co-op. Your sister adds nothing, and the other is a trained teacher.
It makes perfect sense. NTJ.” GirlDad2023_
4. AITJ For Cutting Off My Addicted Brother Despite My Mom's Disapproval?
“I’m adopted by my grandmother on my mother’s side. I’m a 31f. Legally speaking, all my aunts and uncles are my brothers and sisters. My brother, 42m, whom we will call (J), has a very bad past with substances. In and out of jail for years for substance possession.
Every time he’s gotten out of prison, I’ve given him a chance to prove to me and everyone else that he’s clean. However, every time it proves fruitless, it breaks everyone’s heart, including my children’s. The time before last, when he got out, I warned him.
It’s only going to take one positive substance test for me to completely cut ties. I wouldn’t even acknowledge his existence. If he wanted to continue being around me and my family, he had to truly be clean. Keep in mind, yes, I did tell everyone what my plan was.
A few months go by, and his probation officer tests him. He tests positive for his preferred substance. I stand by what I told him, and I cut ties. He is no longer allowed at my house or around my children. I go to my mom’s house a few weeks later and he’s sitting in a recliner in my parents’ living room.
I say my respective goodbyes as I leave and walk past him. I don’t say a word and leave.
As I’m driving down the road, I get a call from my mom, who promptly starts to yell at me for not respecting her house by not speaking to my brother.
I take a deep breath to calm myself and remind her of what I had said when he got out of jail the last time. She proceeds to yell and scream at me about how I disrespected her in her house; how, since I wasn’t speaking to my brother, she wasn’t speaking to me.
That I should be encouraging to my brother, and that what I was doing would cause a relapse. I reminded her that it seems the relapse already happened, and that’s why we were there.
I haven’t spoken to my mom in over a year. I feel like I should apologize, but I need to see this through.
If I don’t, no one will take what I say seriously. I’m tired of watching my brother ruin his life, then playing the victim.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You really went the petty route, though. Ohhhhh, he doesn’t exist. Like he cares. Now you know who cares.
Your mother expects you to behave reasonably in her home. That doesn’t mean having him around your kids or even conversing with him. One blanket ‘goodbye’ when you left the house would have had you in the clear with her. Instead, you went the other route.
Yes, they are enabling hi,m and that isn’t going to stop. You need to decide if you want to speak to your mother ever again.” holisarcasm
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here, OP, you have your boundaries and concerns and Mom has hers.
Mom might be enabling, but frankly, I don’t know since I don’t know what she is or is not doing with or for your brother. You do not wish to associate with your brother while he is in active addiction; that’s fair. Mom wants to maintain ties with your brother, and that’s fair.
Mom wants your brother acknowledged politely under her roof; also, fair. You have a right to make choices about who you associate with, as does your mother. Mom is a bit of a jerk for making this an ‘NC’ issue, though.” stephnetkin
3. AITJ For Being Comfortable At Home And Facing A Neighbor's Complaint?
“I (33M) work from home in a nice apartment complex just outside of the city center. Where I live, it’s about 100 degrees every day, which isn’t awful, but certainly hot enough that I prefer to wear what makes me comfortable every day.
Additionally, I also live on the sixth floor of my building, which also happens to be where the pool for my building is located.
Yesterday I had a particularly busy day of work, so I found myself scrambling to put together lunch and get back to my desk while I was on mute.
As I did so, I was shirtless but wearing sweatpant joggers, which is fairly usual for me. I immediately went back to my desk and sat down to return to my meeting. About five minutes later, I looked over at my dog who was sitting on the couch looking out toward the pool area, and she was clearly fixated on something.
I then stood up and saw three toddlers (maybe 4-7? Not sure; I don’t have kids myself, so I’m bad at guessing) looking into my apartment and staring at my dog.
Fast forward to today, I heard a knock on my door earlier this morning, and it was an irate woman screaming at me over me being ‘indecent’ in front of kids, and she said it was ‘creepy’ to have been shirtless where people could see me.
Now I’m just confused and have been for the last few hours. Do people who live in areas with an easy view of others have an obligation to be fully presentable at all times? I’m asking earnestly, when I lived on the East Coast in Boston/NY, we were in close proximity to one another, and two of my buildings had courtyards in the center with windows opening up to said courtyards.
It wasn’t abnormal for you to see other people living their lives in their windows, and you’d see some one-off dudes playing video games shirtless or exercising or what have you.
Am I wrong here? Happy to be wrong, but this is something I’ve not run into before.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. There’s literally a pool outside where most, if not all, of the men and boys are going shirtless, it’s absurd that you doing so in your own home is somehow ‘indecent’. There’s no difference between being shirtless in swim trunks and shirtless in sweatpants.
In my neighborhood, dudes do their yard and house work shirtless all the time. The only odd thing about it is that none of them ever seem to be wearing sunscreen and they’re so red it causes my skin sympathy pain lol. What a nincompoop.” Darkdragoon324
Another User Comments:
“I know I’m too late to vote, but I just wanted to say that this could actually just be a miscommunication problem. I have a young niece, and the first time she saw me shirtless (I had jeans and a belt on, just no shirt) she started saying I was unclothed—not part unclothed, but unclothed—so to play devil’s advocate here, it’s possible that her kids said you were unclothed when they told her about seeing you, and she just went straight into “mama bear” mode without even thinking about anything but protecting her kids.
Now I’m not saying she was right in how she responded; I’m just trying to give a different point of view. Anyway, even though my vote doesn’t count here, you’re still NTJ all the way, and she WAS out of line.” mcfiddlestien
2. AITJ For Telling My Mom To Let Me Enjoy My Vacation?
“To start, I am a 30‐year‐old man back home visiting the US after working abroad. My plan was to visit my hometown before heading to Miami to stay with my old middle school classmate, who would take me to places, and then leave to do some solo travel in NYC for the first time.
This isn’t my first time traveling by myself; I’ve also traveled to SF by myself, and it never caused any problems. I am aware that NYC isn’t the safest city, and I am always on my toes when I’m traveling by myself.
Anyways, I stayed in my hometown for a few days to get some business done and dine at several restaurants with my mother. Near the end of my stay, she complained that it was like we didn’t do anything. I responded, “No, we did plenty of things together, do you not remember?” End conversation.
My mother doesn’t know my classmate and is worried something will happen, so she tells me to message her every day to make sure I’m fine. This is strange, as we usually go days or even weeks without contact, and I told her that since I’m traveling, I’m going to be too tired and busy to respond, so she can check my social media and I’ll be posting stories.
She’s temporarily appeased. We did have some more contact, as I had some questions.
Once I got to NY, I let her know that I’d reached my Airbnb, and she said she was relieved. The next day, while I was visiting places, she asked me at 11 AM, “How’s the weather?” I answered her and ended the conversation.
At 4 PM, she asked me, “Where are you?” and I answered her. She followed up with, “Are you home yet?” I said no, but usually when she asks this, it means there’s something important she needs to discuss. I tried calling her and asking, “Did something happen?” and she responded, “No, just checking to make sure you’re fine.”
At that point, I got upset that she was disturbing my vacation and told her (as calmly as I could), “Could you please not bother me when I’m traveling unless it’s an emergency? If anything comes up, I’ll tell you.” She abruptly hung up and ignored my call.
I ended up muting her until I got back to the country where I’m working, and I switched to updating my older brother, who’s living with her. What’s the verdict?”
Another User Comments:
“ESH. How can your mother be ok with you living overseas and not checking up on you this often?
Her behaviour is more annoying than anything. She’s being excessive, but it comes across that she loves you and has really missed you… Which is why you’re a little jerk, instead of “don’t bother me” (making mother feel awful), you could have been less brutal and said “I’m really caught up playing tourist and won’t be replying instantly”.
That’s honest, you’re setting your own boundary without trying to change or control her behaviour. I think a lot of people forget in this world of instant communication that you don’t HAVE to be permanently available.” DgShwgrl
Another User Comments:
“Going to get downvoted for this, but it always seems like people on Reddit love making zero compromises with parents.
OP seems to have a good relationship with his mother and he indicates that she doesn’t behave like this usually. She leaves him alone 90% of the time, obviously misses him, and so-called him up twice that day before OP shut her down. Also LOL at OP telling Mom that he will be too tired to send one text to her a day when he’s planning on posting social media stories on the regular.
So yeah, YTJ.” rensenbr1nk
1. AITJ For Refusing To Tape My Husband's Nintendo Switch While I Was In Pain?
“So, for context, I (29 F) gave birth to our second son 5 days ago. The first one is 18 months old. My husband (30 M) and I were both really tired before birth because our 18-month-old did not sleep well for multiple days in a row. And after birth, he stayed with me in the hospital and woke up with the baby every time the baby woke up to change his diaper before giving it to me for breastfeeding.
I’m very tired and in pain due to some tearing during birth that required some sutures, and from breastfeeding which doesn’t go smoothly (I have breast cracks).
So, for the actual jerk move, I just finished feeding my son, and he was sleeping in my arms. I asked my husband to take him so I could go nap before his next feed (2 to 3 hours away).
He took his time, ate a little, took his Nintendo Switch, and then came to take him. As I was leaving the living room to go to sleep, he asked me to tape the Switch to the back of a chair with tape so he could play it with his controller (the two that came with it do not work anymore, so he could not hold it by hand).
I told him no; he should have done it when he was preparing his setup. I explained that I was tired, wanted to go to sleep, and was in pain in my pelvic area, and I did not want to take the time to attach it.
He said I was the jerk for not wanting to do it. I think that I was in my right, but maybe it was selfish of me not to take the time to get the tape and tape it to the chair. Also, my first son is in the nursery during the day and my mother is staying with us.
She was on the phone and doing laundry at the time, but in my mind, she would come up shortly and would be able to do it for him since he couldn’t move because our son was sleeping in his arms. That’s also why I told him no. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ You are right. There is no reason he could not have done this for himself before taking over baby duties. If he has the time to play while watching the baby, he has the time to take care of this. Infants don’t need to be held 24/7.
He can put the child down for a bit and take care of it himself.” GreekAmericanDom
Another User Comments:
“Is the kickstand on his Switch broken? It can stand on its own without being taped to something. Or he could’ve just put it in the dock?
Sorry, I’m kinda forgoing judgment here, but taping it to a chair sounds like a very strange way to play it, and I’m not sure why he asked you to do that.” greasybutterman
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. You both are tired, and yes, you have more on your plate, but life is not a competition.
He asked something he needed help with; you denied, because you’re both tired and you’re both irritable. This really is not something you want to fight over more than was already unnecessary. Be kind to each other as much as you can, and you’ll both find the strength to continue on.” raznov1
