People Grapple With Their Issues In These "Am I The Jerk?" Stories
32. AITJ For Prioritizing My Wife's Comfort Over My Mom's Feelings When Announcing Our Pregnancy?
“Some back story. My mom was a traditional “helicopter mom” growing up and even though I’m almost 30, continues to struggle with control issues and not having as much of a say in my life as she used to, and struggles that she is not my go-to person anymore.
6 years ago, me and my wife got together and once it became serious, I started to put our relationship as a priority. My mom expresses disdain for my wife and for my attention being on my wife and not her (gets upset that I use vacation time to spend with my wife rather than for family vacations, would constantly complain that I don’t visit home enough, etc.).
It has been very difficult for my wife throughout our relationship to feel like my parents don’t approve of her or our relationship. When I told my parents I was going to propose, they tried to sabotage it and told me I was too young. When we bought our first house they told me we were making a mistake, when we made the decision to move to another state we were met with a lot of guilt for “abandoning the family” and in general we have not gotten a lot of support from my family, specifically my mom, when making big decisions.
Me and my wife found out she’s pregnant a couple of months ago and decided to wait until she was 12 weeks along to tell friends and family. We told her parents first and that took a lot out of her. They reacted well but it was emotionally exhausting and she had a rough first trimester so she just didn’t have a lot of energy in general. We were obviously planning on telling my family shortly after and my wife expressed concern about their lack of support for big life decisions and said she didn’t know if she had it in her to be a part of telling my parents.
She also doesn’t like being the center of attention so being pregnant has been difficult in that sense as well. After talking about it for a bit, I decided to do a family FaceTime call with my parents and siblings to tell them the good news. They reacted fine but weren’t as excited as my wife’s parents.
My wife was napping when I told them.
Now my mom is telling me she’s upset that we didn’t tell them in person and that my wife wasn’t a part of the conversation. I explained that my wife was having a rough time and felt uncomfortable with that so I was going to do whatever made her the most comfortable.
She is my priority. My mom is insisting that her own needs are just as important in this scenario and that I should’ve been more considerate and should have known it would upset her to hear the news over FaceTime. She also insinuated that my wife steamrolled me in this scenario and that I shouldn’t just defer to her when making decisions.
I tried to explain that my wife asking this of me was not steamrolling me and that I made the decision to do this based on her comfort. Am I the jerk for putting my wife’s concerns/comfort over my mom’s feelings?”
31. AITJ For Telling My Wife To Stop Talking About Her Work To Reconnect With Our Daughters?
“My wife has always been the breadwinner in our marriage, we have two daughters, they are 17 and 14.
My wife used to have a great work-life balance and we used to get a lot of time for the family but she joined a startup about 8 years ago. She promised that she will only work there for a year or two.
She didn’t leave till the company was acquired about a year ago. She worked a crazy schedule and we barely got to see her.
My children did not get any quality time with their mother. She worked crazy hours as one of the senior employees. It has created some issues in my marriage but I can handle her working those hours, our children couldn’t. They didn’t have a lot of great one on one time after she started working there and she missed a lot of big moments, birthdays and my eldest clearly resents her for it because she has stronger memories of before the startup.
My wife is trying to rebuild her relationship with our daughters, Our youngest is more receptive to her but the older one is very reluctant. They both don’t like it when my wife starts to talk about her company. She does it a lot, I don’t mind it because it is her life’s work and she is incredibly proud of her work and I like to hear her speak about it.
The issue is that our daughters don’t like it, They both freeze up and lose interest in the conversation and it dampens their mood whenever she brings it up. I have gently nudged her and told my wife that our children don’t like it when she talks about her company and she tries to connect with them over their interest instead of turning the conversation back on to her company.
We went out to have a nice dinner and we were actually having a good time and my daughter was telling her about some of the clubs she was part of and this was an important conversation because my daughter used almost the same format to come out to me. She would talk about clubs and then talk about the LGBT group in school.
My wife instead of just letting her continue started to speak about her company and how they had formed clubs for the employees. My daughter didn’t come out and she just nodded along and tuned everything out.
When we got home I told my wife that she needs to stop bringing up her company and needs to shut up and listen to our children.
They didn’t want to listen to her glory days. My wife started to cry, she said she is trying and she doesn’t know what more she can do and she worked hard for all of us and they don’t even care about it.”
30. AITJ For Confronting My Partner's Dad About His Holiday Work Expectations?
“This past weekend my partner and I went to her parent’s house for a small family Xmas get-together. With all of my partner’s siblings and significant others, there were about 10 of us there.
My partner and I are in our mid-20s and have been together for almost 3-years. She grew up in a small town while I grew up in the city. Her dad has always had a thing for prodding me for being a “city boy.” My partner has told me to just let it go and brush it off.
According to her it’s just his way of poking fun at his youngest daughter’s partner and that he doesn’t mean anything by it.
Partner’s dad owns and operates an auto shop in their town. I’d say he probably has 10-12 people working for him, and judging by their house and the cars he has, I think he does pretty well for himself.
During the day he had more than a few beverages and I had a few as well. He was talking with his sons about his shop and how he needs to have his shop open on Xmas Eve and New Year’s Eve this year because things have been slow. Now, I know for a fact that this guy collected tens of thousands of dollars in PPP loans because he wouldn’t shut up about it one of the last times I saw him.
I also know those loans were completely forgiven in our state. I also know that he just helped my partner’s sister make a down payment on a new house.
So as he was complaining about his employees not wanting to work during the holidays, I asked him if he was going to be working those days.
He told me he was not because he and his wife were traveling out of state to see relatives. I asked him why he was surprised that his employees are upset when he’s literally going on vacation and asking them to work holidays.
He said until I run my own business, I won’t understand. I told him it just seems like bad optics to his employees that he’s asking them to do something he’s not willing to do himself, so of course they are going to be upset.
I then asked him if he is at least paying them extra for that time. He didn’t answer and only said that he pays his employees more than any other shop around and that he isn’t going to take business advice from some city punk.
At this point my partner came into the room and pretty much dragged me out before I could say anything else.
She scolded me for even saying anything to her dad because I should know better. I told her I was tired of always being told to keep my mouth shut to keep the peace when she won’t tell her dad the same thing. She said it’s just easier that way because I will listen and her dad is stubborn.
I told her that’s nonsense and that I was ready to go and if she wanted to stick around for a bit that I would take a walk or do something else because I’m not going back in there. She told me I was being a jerk and ruining her family Xmas, but I still took a walk to cool down.
On the way home my partner tore into me for what I did and said that her dad had a lot to say about me after I left and now she doesn’t know if she’s comfortable bringing me there again.”
29. AITJ For Refusing To Buy My Disrespectful Daughter A New Laptop For Her Art?
“This story takes place over the course of the past year or so. For some context to this story, this is in Australia, my daughter is currently 16 and an “artist”. I am 58, we live in an extremely rural area.
So, I was my daughter’s Mathematics Methods teacher from years 9-11. A year ago (beginning of 2020) during her year 10, my daughter started acting out suddenly at home and eventually at school too. We think it’s because of one of her friends who, honestly, is a complete jerk to her parents.
Around about the middle of that same year, she would start crying on every single trip to school, most of the time completely refusing to go.
On the days I made her go, she would end up calling her mother during recess to take her home. On the days she refused to get out of bed, we would confiscate her phone, and we’d keep it for a few weeks every time. She still had her school laptop during this though. This was around the time my daughter plainly told me she doesn’t respect me.
In mid-September 2020 or so, my daughter plainly told me she doesn’t respect/love me or my wife, and ever since then has completely ignored all our presence at home.
Skip forward to the same time in 2021, she actively avoids us, insults us, and has no respect for her family. She only ever comes out of her room to eat, and never ever acknowledges us.
She has her own money from the drawings she makes on her laptop, so we never buy her anything except necessities, but around 3 months ago she came to me and her mother, casually telling us her laptop is old, crappy, and broken from our friend’s kids using it.
We don’t usually buy her gifts because we believe she’s old enough to get an actual job and buy her own things, but she’s so lazy and refuses to do anything but draw “anime” in her room.
I’ve seen some of her drawings here and there, and to me it’s inappropriate. The women in those drawings are unclothed, and she says that’s the only way she can afford anything because we won’t buy her anything. We don’t want to reward her for this behavior with a new laptop. We told her a very Stern “No. Get a job,” and she just started crying.
Again.
Since then, every single conversation I’ve had with her has ended up with her yelling at me. Every single time. I’d tell her dinner is ready, and she’d tell me she’ll “eat with her family when she actually gets a family”. It hurts. I’d ask her how her day’s been and she’d reply “get lost.”
She’s such a dramatic kid, she has life so good. She doesn’t have a job, doesn’t go to school, and still has free food and a place to live yet she still treats us like this?
The point is, I don’t want to buy her anything she wants until she starts treating us with actual respect.
AITJ for not buying her a laptop, even when she “needs” one to do her ‘art’?
EDIT:
My daughter was never really affectionate, so her refusing to hug us or anything is not out of the usual.
I originally would only take away her phone when she got bad grades, but now only take her phone when she actively disrespects us.
Yes, we did offer her counseling with an ex-student of mine. She went for a few weeks but stopped going after that because “crystals don’t heal” even though they’re calming.”
28. AITJ For Wanting My Stepmom To Provide Her Own Horse For Lessons And Kicking Her Out?
“I (26m) have wanted a horse since I was a little kid and I had watched Back to the Future 3. I really wanted a horse. My parents got divorced when I was 3 years old and my Mom met my Stepdad when I was 4. My Dad met my Stepmom, Eden, when I was 7 and she doesn’t like me.
I had taken riding lessons and it was great but it wasn’t enough. I needed to take care of and ride my own horse so when I was 16 I decided to make it happen. I lived with my Mom and Stepdad so I asked them if they would help me out a little but they refused, so I went to my Dad and we worked out a deal that he would help me buy the actual horse and the tack and equipment I’d need if I could get everything else settled first. That seemed reasonable so I started working really hard and saving as much money as I possibly could.
A year after college I managed to land an amazing job that pays enough to allow me to own a horse and gives me enough time off to bond with it. I have a mentor at my work, Gene, and he wants to learn how to ride so he asked and we decided that we could become roommates and I could teach him how to ride.
A year after that Gene and I got everything we needed so I went to my Dad and told him. He was ready to help me but Eden intervened and refused to help. No matter how much Dad protested still Eden refused. I didn’t get a written agreement so there was nothing I could do.
I was kind of upset but kept saving. We got our horses 1 year after I got denied for mine and we’ve had them for 14 months already.
I was visiting my Dad a little bit last week and was telling him about my horse and how I taught Gene how to ride. Eden overheard this and asked if I could teach my stepsister, Eva (14f) how to ride a horse.
I told her I could only if she brought her own horse because my horse (an Arabian quarter horse cross) is really skittish when new people try to ride her and Gene’s horse (a quarter horse) isn’t mine to lend out, and Gene would be using it. Eden got mad that I wouldn’t let her ride my horse but I pointed out that we only had 2 horses and both would be in use.
Eden angrily walked out and I thought that was the end of it.
Earlier today Eden and Eva showed up as Gene and I were preparing to ride. Eden started to talk to us about lessons again. Eva tried to sneak on my horse but she got spooked and reared up, knocking Eva off. I went to calm my horse down and Gene checked on Eva while Eden just stood there, yelling at me about my horse bucking people off.
When she paused I asked Eva if Eden told her to do that and she said yes so I told Eden to leave. She eventually left but I feel it was kind of harsh but I was still a little upset about her refusing to help me buy a horse and then expecting free lessons without providing anything.
AITJ for wanting my stepmom to provide her own horse for lessons and kicking her out.”
27. AITJ For Not Wanting My MIL's New Partner To Babysit My Kids?
“I have an 8mo and 2.5yo. The 2.5yo has behavioral issues we are working on, but they are severe enough that he cannot attend full-time daycare. His favorite move is a swift, hard head butt to the face out of nowhere, after being a cuddly cutie. My mother watches him daily so my husband and I can work.
My MIL isn’t as involved (nothing wrong with that) and she sees our children only when I ask if she will babysit (right now around once a week) or if we just drop into her mother’s house where MIL lives for a visit.
Since my mother does the “day shift”, I asked my MIL to babysit so my husband and I could attend my work Christmas party.
I always ask several weeks in advance. On the day of, my MIL asks if she can bring her new partner to keep her company. They have been together for 6 months. I have met him for 10 minutes and my husband has for about 30 minutes when we stopped in at my husband’s grandma’s house for visits.
We don’t know his last name or where he lives. Her other son hasn’t met him (and so he couldn’t provide any intel). I have no reason to not believe he is a nice guy, but I would like to check with at least a Google search and I would like to spend time with him before he is alone with my MIL in my home with my very young children.
At first we said we didn’t want him to come because what would happen if my son head butt him and broke his nose. My MIL was upset at the question saying, do you think he’d sue you (IDK but I was mostly concerned new guy might hit my son). When we said we just didn’t feel comfortable, my MIL was upset because this was “going to be a big step in their relationship” and she had already asked him to come.
She had asked new partner because my husband had said sure when MIL asked a few weeks ago if we could have a visit with new partner and our kids soon, but we thought it would be a visit that included us. New partner was sitting with her during this conversation and at one point she was talking in code to my husband because she didn’t want new partner to hear when my husband asked what his last name was (we still don’t know).
My mom mind went into worry overdrive in response to that comment and weird code-talking phone call, as if MIL was receiving pressure from new partner to be able to come to our house and be with our kids. MIL is upset, and now my husband is upset at me for “pushing everyone away”. My mom ended up babysitting, and we briefly attended the Christmas Party, but we have a wedding in a month we asked MIL to babysit for and new partner will likely be an issue again (or maybe she won’t even want to now because her new partner wasn’t welcome), and so I need to know AITJ?
And either way, advice as to what to do.”
26. AITJ For Scheduling My Wedding Close To My Sister's Birthday?
“My (26m) fiancée (26F) and I decided last week that it was time to schedule our wedding, and since we want nothing to do with big, expensive parties, we’ll just go sign the papers and have with us 10 or so closest family members (due to restrictions AND we don’t like or care for most of our family members), go for lunch on a nice restaurant to commemorate and nothing more.
The fiancée is a mathematician, and as one, she likes numbers (especially 2), me being a massive maths nerd as well, we chose February 12th, 12/02/2022: has a bunch of twos, 12 is divisible by 1, 2, 3 and 4, and has the massive advantage of being a Saturday, so everyone can come since at least half of the guests are coming from out of town.
The thing is, that is 2 days before my sister’s (23F) birthday, so it would be “her birthday weekend”, she usually travels for her birthday, so mostly we don’t commemorate her birthday with her.
After scheduling the ceremony my fiancée and I went to a jeweler to choose wedding rings and whatnot. I sent my sister photos and told her of the date, she flipped out, it’s not “the weekend before her birthday” it’s “her birthday weekend” and she was already planning to do “something” her words.
Knowing her, she would probably travel to who knows where on Friday night and be back by Sunday or spend the whole weekend partying with friends. She used the opportunity to complain about how recently, I went on a lunch date with my mother and didn’t invite her.
A little bit of backstory:
I don’t really care for birthdays, I think is just another made-up excuse date to go buy stuff, I only use it as a reason to meet friends and I’m not very keen on receiving presents either (due to some childhood traumas).
That said, I respect when people care for their birthday.
Additionally, my sister has an extensive background of making a scene over the littlest things, like last Christmas she shouted at me over a board game because I was shuffling while waiting for my turn…
This is the part where I might be the jerk.
Her birthday barely crossed my mind when choosing the date and when it did, I just assumed she probably wouldn’t be doing much on a Saturday morning (apart from maybe being hungover), and lunch on me wouldn’t be a horrible idea…
I got a call from my father (which prompted me to write this post), asking me if I could consider rescheduling my wedding, apparently she has made a lot of noise with my family, how I’m being inconsiderate with her birthday, and they are siding with her because that would make her less cranky, which I find a very weak argument for changing the date, why should I reschedule my wedding instead of her rescheduling the plans she hasn’t made yet?
Anyway, am I the jerk here?”
25. AITJ For Not Wanting My FIL At My Wedding After He Insulted Us At The Rehearsal Dinner?
“My husband and I come from circles where it is extremely common for the parents to pay for the wedding.
We would never ask our parents for anything, but to be clear they all live very well and have the means to pay for the wedding if they wished.
My parents immediately volunteered to pay for the entire wedding and we were immensely grateful. MIL was upfront that she wasn’t paying a cent, which ok that is her right and I’m aware she doesn’t like me.
FIL groaned a bit and said that he guesses the rehearsal dinner was on him.
Just for some background my husband’s father is a partner at a huge law firm. He lavishes his new SO in gifts and travels internationally at least twice a year, so money isn’t an issue and the rehearsal dinner wasn’t going to put a strain on him.
He shot down the options we sent him and said he didn’t like them, his ex wouldn’t eat the food at one (fancy BBQ) and he said if he was paying he should get to pick. We were apprehensive but didn’t want to sound entitled. He ended up picking someplace cheap, and with decent food, but it didn’t match the wedding atmosphere (think a sports bar type place).
Also he didn’t pay for beverages (despite him and MIL both calling parties without open bars tacky) and then he was buying drinks for his whole table and no one else, and they got dessert when no one else did. It felt kind of weird, but I didn’t want to say anything.
Then I heard this conversation:
MIL’s husband: this steak is not good.
MIL: well who orders steak at a place like this? Actually who picks a place like this for a pre-wedding dinner?
FIL: I wasn’t spending money on those jerks. Like honestly, forget them. I spent more money on your birthday gift and we are divorced and I don’t even like you.
They can both sit their entitled selves down. No one cares about their wedding. I don’t just hand over money to people I don’t respect.
At this point I confronted them. MIL was laughing. FIL just kind of shrugged and said I should know he is a jerk and it is what it is. I brought my husband over and told him what had been said, and he asked what I wanted to do.
I admitted I didn’t want FIL at the wedding, and my husband said he would support that.
FIL’s partner called me entitled. FIL didn’t say much, and MIL accused us both of being too sensitive and called me a princess. It isn’t about the money but his disdainful attitude and I feel he did that on purpose because that is not the normal type of dinner or party he would throw.”
24. AITJ For Telling My Stepson To Rehome His Neglected Dog?
“My 28-year-old stepson – let’s call him Mark, his partner, their 6-month-old daughter, and their 4-year-old black lab – let’s call her Moon, live with my husband and me.
Mark adopted Moon as a puppy with the agreement that if he wanted to have a dog, she would be his responsibility and he would have her spayed and kept up-to-date on shots, and flea and heartworm preventative treatments. To date, Moon is 4 and not spayed; she had her puppy shots and only one set of annual shots, he doesn’t give her anything for fleas unless I buy it and I don’t believe he’s ever given her heartworm preventative.
In 2019, Mark left Moon outside in the rain all night, it was summer and our fence wasn’t finished so she was able to run out of the backyard to the covered front porch for shelter until my husband and I found her when we were leaving for work the next morning. About 3 months ago, Mark’s partner left Moon outside all day in 80+ degree F summer heat in the now completely fenced backyard with no water, my husband found her panting and whining when he got home from work.
It got down to 38 degrees F last night and rained (with wind) from about midnight to 5 am. Our backyard has no shelter beyond a tiny door overhang and Mark left Moon outside all night. My husband woke up around 5:30, went downstairs, and heard Moon whining, he let her in; she was soaked, muddy, shivering, and constantly whining.
He got towels and dried her off and called/texted Mark until he got up to take Moon to his room. I saw Mark in the kitchen when I came downstairs and asked him how Moon was; he said “She’s fine she’s a dog.” I walked outside. The outside of our backdoor was covered in mud where Moon had been jumping and clawing at it, the outside door frame is torn up and exposed jagged wood with b***d on it from where Moon apparently tried to eat through it to get inside until her gums bled, the styrofoam spacer block we had wedged between the house and fence pole to close the gap was torn apart from her trying to get out.
I walked back inside and lost it, I told him that if he wasn’t going to take care of Moon he needed to find her a new home, I told him to go look at the door and see what she went through trying to be warm and dry. He retorted that it just happened this once.
By the time I got to work, I had a long text message reiterating that one instance doesn’t equate to animal abuse, I pointed out that Moon is a living breathing animal, if it had been any colder, she would have died and that ‘just once’ was far too many times. I think Moon deserves a better life than what she is getting.
Mark thinks I’m being irrational. AITJ?”
23. AITJ For Being Upset That My Partner Continues To Visit Her Parents Who Dislike Me?
“I have been seeing my SO for 3 years.
We live together. Her parents absolutely despise me because at the beginning of our relationship when she lived with them we were fighting often and they would see her crying/upset/depressed and just felt like this was all somehow my fault and I “don’t treat her well”. Since then they refuse to meet me or be around me because they are hoping we will just break up.
I feel like after 3 years of this I shouldn’t have to tolerate this level of disrespect.
It angers me that my SO continues to go see them (they live nearby) sometimes weekly. She goes for like an hour or two to check up on them, hang out, or see her sister when she visits from out of town.
It infuriates me because she basically goes to see these people who refuse to include me in the family and they probably sit there and pretend I don’t exist. This has caused a lot of fights because my SO refuses to cut her family out (not that I have asked her to do so) which leads to me being angry when she visits them and her getting upset that I am upset and huge fights.
She told me I can be upset at her parents but it’s “not fair” for the anger to spill over to her because she can’t control what they do and that she “is trying” to get them to come around. After 3 years clearly whatever she is doing is not working and I feel like I am just expressing my emotions – my SO just takes them personally.
She has attempted to reduce seeing them to twice a month but this usually only lasts for a few months and then there are excuses like her parents’ health, birthdays, etc where she goes back to seeing them weekly. She says she tries to talk me up to them but her parents are more upset because they feel I am somehow restricting her from seeing them and that if I was just more supportive or put some effort like gifts or just showing them they are wrong about me being a bad partner for her they will come around.
But I just don’t feel right kowtowing to these people who treat me like I am the bad guy when they are the ones being unreasonable.
So last Thanksgiving she asked her family to move the holiday to Friday so she could spend Thanksgiving with me as I was having a rough time with my ex withholding the kids from me.
We still got into a fight as it still felt like she was abandoning me for her family who treats her partner so poorly so this year I told her to go spend it with her family or spend the day with me, but there’s no point to split it. She is upset because she “doesn’t want to abandon me” during the holiday and was hoping to split the day.
I told her don’t bother and now she is accusing me of making her choose? I am not telling her to choose just saying don’t bother driving an hour plus to her parents and then to me. AITJ?”
22. AITJ For Not Letting My Dietitian Partner Help My Obese Sister For Free?
“I have one sibling, a sister. We aren’t twins but we were born in the same calendar year, on New Year’s Day and Thanksgiving Day. Our parents and grandparents didn’t have the healthiest relationships with weight, food, and eating and I was overweight and obese when I was a kid. At age 18, I weighed over 350 pounds.
I’m not overweight now. When I moved out and could control my own food I lost lots of weight. I consulted a doctor to make sure my eating habits were healthy because I didn’t want to make my health worse or end up with an eating disorder. I weigh about 130 pounds now and I make sure to keep active.
Moving out and getting my own place was the best thing I ever did.
My sister was in the same boat as I was. When she saw my weight loss she asked what I was doing. I gave her the name of my doctor and my gym. She did go but after a while she gave up and tried other things.
I tried to be supportive. We’re in our 30s now and she has tried every diet under the sun (Weight Watchers, Noom, Keto, Intermittent fasting, the feeding tube diet, and about a hundred others). She has gotten to under 300 pounds before but she yo-yo diets and the last time we spoke she told me she was probably close to 500 pounds now.
My partner is a registered dietitian and he has a Ph.D. I didn’t meet him in relation to my weight loss. That all happened almost 15 years before we met. At that time I had consulted with a doctor due to being really obese and having other health issues from the complications. Since my sister found out his occupation she’s been bugging me constantly to let her meet him.
Not because she wants to get to know him but so he can help her lose weight. I’ve tried telling her she needs a doctor and a therapist but she has accused me of hiding him to prevent her from losing weight.
I’ve been her biggest support but I’ve been where she is and she needs more help than a dietitian can give.
Even if he was equipped to help her, she expects he would help her for free because he’s with me but I would never ask him to do that. She’s even said he can refer her to a colleague but they aren’t equipped to help either and he’d never ask a colleague to do it for free.
It’s really put a strain on our relationship because she is telling everyone I’m trying to stop her weight loss and whenever we talk which is few and far between now she accuses me. Part of me wants to help her but I don’t think this will work.”
21. AITJ For Being Mad At My Parents For Ignoring My ADHD Symptoms As A Child?
“I (18F) was diagnosed with ADHD, Anxiety, and Depression just over a year ago. According to most of my friends and family (esp. my brother), there was a clear learning/attention problem with me from the beginning. I’ve never disliked my parents for not getting me an ADHD diagnosis specifically, but I have always been upset with their choice to do nothing about the problem.
The situation I am mad about started in year 1. I went to a private school, and I always had a problem with focusing, so my parents gave me a folder to put any unfinished worksheets in so I knew what I hadn’t finished. However, this work wasn’t, like, completed after school or anything, it was just a thing for my parents to get upset at me about (“look how much is in your unfinished work folder!” kinda thing).
And by year 2, my reports were bad enough that clearly the folder wasn’t helping.
Any normal person, by that point, would consider that there might be a bigger problem, but they never did. In year 2 (7y/o) my teacher started making me do my work at recess and lunch on the playground, so I had no friends.
Parents decided to threaten me, saying they would not pay so much for my education if I didn’t care about it, and they would take me away from my friends and teachers and put me in the local public school if I didn’t do better.
It got quite serious when they stuck a logo of the local public school on my desk, and every time I saw it I was on the verge of tears.
Of course, 7y/o me thought this intimidation was normal. I was never actually sent to the other school, but I also never got better at my work, and discussing reports at the end of each year always ended in tears because I was frequently compared to my older brother.
Several times since I got to high school (by the way all this ‘you’re not good enough stuff continued) my mum has expressed what a difficult child I was, saying that when she had to help with my homework there were times when she considered “walking out of that house and just never coming back”.
Even though my depression is diagnosed as “clinical”, I believe their words and actions were the start of it and all my self-esteem issues. Now that I can understand what happened and how messed up it was, I’ve started to pull back from them and be less close, but there’s a small voice in my head telling me that they did the best they could and I shouldn’t blame them or hate them, especially this much later on.
AITJ for being mad at them this much later? Should I let go and understand it’s in the past or is it fair for me to be more withdrawn and distant with them now?”
20. AITJ For Telling My Brother To Apologize After Cutting Off Our Parents?
“My brother ‘Mike’ was an excellent chess player. When I say ‘was’, I mean he was forced to give it up by my Dad. My Mother just silently supported my Dad, like most stay-at-home moms of her era.
My parents had us way late in life.
Mike was born when my parents were both 35, and I was an ‘accident’ when they were 43 years old. They are both 65 now and are enjoying retirement. Mike loved chess and began playing it a lot. He was soon besting older players, and the guys at the local chess club literally thought he was Chess Grand Master material provided he got the right training and exposure.
They encouraged him to play in tournaments as much as he could, even in the U.S. Open Chess Championship which was held annually.
Dad wanted Mike to be a pro baseball player instead. He lost a ton of weight so he could play with Mike, got him the best coaches, and even flew him to Boston to watch the Sox.
And he made sure he reminded Mike of it. Mike, meanwhile, won a bunch of trophies playing chess and hid all of them in my room so that our Dad would not know that they existed.
Dad eventually threw out his chessboard and prized antique chess set too. From now on it was baseball all the way – but Mike was terrible at it.
Years of training, plenty of money down the drain, and many meet-ups with retired players later, Dad finally realized that his dream was not to be. He finally gave up, and Mike was relieved.
A fraction of the money that was spent on baseball would have definitely pushed my brother to the top tier of chess.
I asked my Mother years later if they ever thought of getting me special training in Swimming or Lacrosse – 2 sports which I was good at in School – and she replied ‘Your father thought that Sports were only for men’ and that was that.
Mike is now a lawyer and is happily married with twin sons aged 4.
My mother called last night and said that Mike had called them an hour earlier. He had binge-watched The Queen’s Gambit and all those memories came flooding back. He picked up the phone and tore into my Dad, told him he was not their son anymore, and that they would never be able to see the twins again.
He said that this was payback for all those years when he was forced to do something he was not interested in. Dad broke down soon after they hung up, and my mother was very upset. She called him back but he had already blocked their numbers. She then called me and told me what happened.
I called Mike up and he did not answer. I then hung up, and texted him saying he should not have said those things to Dad, and that he should call them back and apologize. Mike replied stating that he was blocking my number too. I replied, called him a vindictive person and that he shouldn’t deprive our parents of their grandchildren’s company and affection over something that took place years ago.
AITJ?”
19. AITJ For Refusing To Invite My Racist In-Laws To Our Vow Renewal Ceremony?
“When my husband and I got married a decade ago, we had no funds and so really couldn’t afford much. My husband felt so bad about it all because unlike me he comes from wealth, but because his family was against our marriage (I’m Asian, he’s white), they completely cut him off. For the record, I wasn’t expecting financial assistance from them, but it hurt that just because I’m Asian, they thought I was with my husband only for the money.
Naturally, we haven’t had any contact with his side of the family since.
Well for our upcoming tenth wedding anniversary, we can now afford to splurge a little so we’ve decided to have a vow renewal ceremony in style. Given how terrible it has been mentally for all of us over the last two years, we decided on a trip abroad to relax, have fun, and just enjoy a vacation with those closest to us.
And because my parents wouldn’t be able to afford to come otherwise, we’ve gifted the entire trip to them as a thank you for everything they’ve done for us.
Somehow his family has learned that, hey, not only am I not a gold digger but that my husband and I are doing well for ourselves and are about to celebrate our 10th anniversary.
They reached out to us with an “apology” and an offer of a gaudy monstrosity of a ring to use for our vow renewal ceremony. I’m not interested in their token non-apology and certainly have no intention of wearing something that’s not at all to my tastes just for the sake of familial harmony. Plus my engagement ring was a gift from my mom – it was my gran’s engagement ring that my mom also wore so it has incredible sentimental value.
My husband was behind me 100% until he learned from his sister that his grandmother was dying and that she wished to mend things with him. I reluctantly agreed to the visit but made sure we came to an agreement on a few things beforehand – including how his family isn’t invited to our vow renewal and I’m not wearing their ring.
Unfortunately, she passed before we could visit, and his family has been hounding and guilt-tripping both of us ever since, trying to get us to invite them to our ceremony. I refused but my husband’s wavering. He kept saying they apologized (they haven’t really) and that we could educate them. When he wouldn’t let it go, I basically told him that since he’s not Asian, he has no right to accept an apology and extend forgiveness for racism perpetrated against an Asian, and that it’s not my responsibility to educate racists on why racism is wrong.
And honestly, my parents shouldn’t have to deal with racists on what should be a vacation. He said he understood and apologized to me, but he’s been distant. I don’t want to go ahead with our trip when things are so awkward between us, but everyone has already committed financially and we can’t afford to refund them all.
And I’m now wondering if I’m a jerk for not trying harder with his family.”
18. AITJ For Refusing To Constantly Watch My Sister's Kid And Banning Her From My House?
“I (25f) have two sisters (28f & 31f). My oldest sister has a kid. I’m also planning on having kids in the future and I love kids but sometimes I get exhausted around them.
I’ll love my own kid and I’m hoping to be the best mother ever but I can’t stand the expectation that I have to constantly like other people’s kids and always be willing to care for them no matter what. I’ll use fake names for my sisters for the post. Let’s call the middle sister Kate and the oldest Jenny.
Jenny has totally changed since having a kid. She used to want to stay child-free but after an unplanned pregnancy she decided to keep the kid and she’s now a SAHM. But since then she’s not the greatest person. She expects everyone to be her maid and her kid’s babysitter. When she’s around she expects everyone to be 100% focused on her kid and if you’re not she’ll shame you for being a child hater.
She’s unbearable. My sister Kate has always been a people pleaser and she does everything to seem like the good sister and aunt even if it means putting her own needs aside. That’s her choice and I don’t necessarily mind. But I’m not like that. I’ll play with the kid, care for the kid but I can’t always be running behind the kid at all times.
Whenever my sister is visiting my house she’s never checking her kid and expects everyone else to do so. Same thing when she visits my parents. The last time she visited my place, her kid broke a vintage porcelain doll my fiancé had gifted me which used to belong to his grandma. It was very sentimental. And when my sister barely reacted to the kid breaking my doll, she also said I’m not a kid to be sad over a “darn doll” and told me to get over it.
She blamed me for not watching her kid and if I watched her she wouldn’t have broken my doll. I told her that unless she starts caring for her own kid she won’t be allowed to my house.
A few days later I visited my parents and Jenny was there, so was Kate. Kate was always making comments about how heartless I am because I don’t pay attention to the kid, she accused me of hating the kid and claimed she’s the better aunt.
Jenny laughed with Kate about it. They then started making fun of me for being sad about the doll. I said it’s not just about the doll but about the expectations she puts on other people. My parents and my sister Kate sided with Jenny and said I should be grateful she’s warming me up just in time to also be a mom.
I said I’ve had enough of being bullied into watching her kid and while I love the kid I won’t visit my parents whenever Jenny is around because I feel exhausted both physically and emotionally when the mocking takes place. They said I’m being dramatic and I should get over myself. They claim I’m also a child hater if I refuse to watch and play with the kid all the time.
AITJ?”
17. AITJ For Defending My Choice To Have Many Kids Against My Friend's Criticism?
“I’m 25F and I have five kids of which two are biologically (twins 2M) mine and three are adopted (4M, 1M, and a two-month-old F), and apparently for my friend (26F) those are “too many kids”.
She said that she suppressed that thought for a long time but that she never told me because she didn’t want to hurt me but when we adopted our youngest daughter she felt the need to tell me because I am “ruining my life”.
The other day my son turned 1 and we decided to celebrate it with our closest friends and family.
We have been friends for at least 7 years so obviously this friend was invited too. Well, in the middle of the party, one of our friends told us that she and her husband are trying for a baby and that’s when my friend joked that once she has the first she will end up like me and our girls’ nights will be nonexistent, I asked her what she meant, since even when I have five kids we still have girls’ nights, and she said that I had too many kids and that if I don’t stop I will end up ruining my life.
I said “well, it’s MY life” and then she told me everything she hadn’t told me in years, she said that having so many kids at my age is the worst mistake I’ve ever made, that thanks to me our group of friends is separating (apparently the fact that they got married was my fault), that at this age we should be partying and living our youth and not having kids, or “taking care of someone else’s kids” just to try to be a saint.
And when she said that I got really mad, I didn’t mind that she made fun of my relationship with my husband (27M) because, sadly, I’m used to it. But they are MY kids and in no way did I choose them because I wanted to be a “saint”, everyone who knows my heart knows that I am not like that, and I thought she knew me.
So I told her that if her only goal was to party and get inebriated every night while being unfaithful to her partner with different men, it’s her decision but that I don’t want to be a failure like her, and as soon as I said that I said sorry because I knew I was wrong because I said that just because I was mad and wanted to hurt her.
She got offended and said she trusted me when she told me all the times she was unfaithful to her partner and now that everyone knows I ruined her reputation.
And from that day we didn’t talk again. Her sister, with whom I used to have a good relationship, called me and told me that I was a jerk and a loser for saying that, that I hurt her sister’s feelings, and that she doesn’t want to know anything about me.
I know I should apologize in a better way but I still don’t feel ready for it, am I the jerk for that?”
16. AITJ For Buying Land And Not Planning To Rebuild A House?
“I was looking to buy a place but I wanted something very small since I’d be living alone and I don’t want a lot to clean.
I found something pretty unique, a lot that had had a house that burned down and was demolished. Everything was taken out so the land could be built on.
But there was a garage still standing with a 1 bedroom mother in law suite above it. Just a bedroom, bathroom, and little kitchen. This was surrounded by a half acre of mostly forest.
I didn’t know what to think, at first, till I went and toured it. I loved it, the 3 car garage would give me space to work on my car and bikes.
The suite upstairs was bigger than any apartment I had and would be all my own to customize in a way I never could with an apartment.
And the price was super low, unbelievably low for the area. I actually was able to pay a 50 percent down payment and I’ll own it in full in 5 years.
I checked with the local regulations and it would be legal for me to live in the mother-in-law suite on the property.
Anyway, long story short I closed on the house and moved in. I was really happy with the place, it was just the right amount of space for me, roomy without being a pain to clean.
The outdoor space is great for my dogs, and hosting barbeques with my friends.
So onto the trouble. A couple of neighbors made comments about being glad someone moved in to fix the place which was an eyesore on their street.
But a while later, my neighbors started asking when I’d start building, and I realized they thought I was living in the mother-in-law suite and planning on building a main house.
I said I wasn’t planning on it yet, I don’t need a lot of space yet.
My neighbors got upset I was bringing down the property value, by leaving the lot a “vacant lot” and living in an “old garage”… Not mentioning that garage was new and a whole residence.
I said I wasn’t trying to bring it down, I’d keep it nice.
But I didn’t have house building kinda money.
They said that just by keeping it as is I was bringing it down, since its value was maybe 1/6 of the other homes’ values.
I got frustrated and said I wasn’t the one that burned the house down, maybe blame whoever did that… I just got a place as is.
The neighbors got upset with me saying that because they had been close with the previous neighbors and the fire had been a tragic accident.
I said sorry I didn’t know, but honestly they couldn’t put their expectations on me after I’d bought a place not knowing any of that. I just bought a place wanting to get something I could afford, how could I suddenly be expected to spend 6 times as much?
The neighbors said that if I was buying a demolished building’s land, there is an expectation that I rebuild.
AITJ for buying the land without plans of building?”
15. AITJ For Calling Out My Son's PE Teacher's Unfair Grading System?
“My (40F) son (12M) does great in school, all except in one class: P.E. And yes, he is overweight, I am perfectly aware of this and I am working with his pediatrician on it. We are managing with diet and physical therapy sessions. Still, his bad grades in P.E. are becoming a problem.
They are damaging his record. A rule in the school is that if you have good grades in the year (Feb-Nov), you are exempt from the final exam. By this point, my son has been notified that he is exempt in ALL his classes and has the highest-grade average in his level. Still, he has not received any academic recognition (Diploma) in the year and is not eligible for the school’s scholarship (Private School, we pay tuition) because he is failing P.E.
Seeing this, I asked for a meeting with his homeroom teacher and the principal. Because the problem is P.E., the teacher was invited. I went with my husband. I explained that I found it enraging that my son is losing a lot of things because of a complementary class and that it’s not taking into account my child’s health condition.
The teacher said he grades fairly all the students by using standardized tests, so my kid should do just fine. One of those, which represents 40% of the grade, is the Beep test. A passing grade is above level 7, my kid can’t even reach level 4 without being on the verge of fainting. The teacher argues that most of the class can perfectly reach level 9 and that the best ones, the kids on the soccer team, even go as far as 15.
He said this with a smirk on his face, he is also the trainer of the team by the way.
That comparison made me SO MAD. He thinks it’s right to compare an overweight kid to his mini-league guys. Now, this man is overweight himself, so I coldly asked. “What level do YOU reach? I am sure the math teacher can solve one of his own exams, so how do you do in your own “fair” test?
Level 15? Level 20? Come on, tell me.”
The room went totally quiet. It was obvious he himself would do terribly on it. He said something about kids being different than adults and that a teacher doesn’t need to explain his grading methods. He left shortly after, before the end of the meeting.
Our case is still being reviewed by the principal, but my husband said my words were a huge low blow and that I ended up looking like the queen of entitled Karens.
For me, the guy was being super hypocritical and I was just trying to defend my kid.”
14. AITJ For Evicting My Stepson After He Disrespected My Pregnant Daughter-In-Law?
“I (53 female) have a bio son Josh (28) and a stepson Tom (25).
I married my current husband Steve 13 years ago. My deceased husband left Josh and me well provided for. After his death, I placed the house under both my and Josh’s names. Steve and I keep our finances separate.
Josh graduated med school at the top of his class and just finished up his residency.
He married his partner Leah after graduating from med school. Leah was left some money and a house by her Great Aunt. They started doing cosmetic upgrades on the house but then found out about the electrical and plumbing issues. Leah learned she was pregnant about this time. Josh was working 12 hours shifts at the hospital. His shift ended at midnight.
He was worried about Leah being alone in a construction site.
My home has a self-contained in-law suite. I offered them the suite and finally told him that he owns half the house when he offered to pay rent. Josh insisted on paying the property taxes and insurance. Tom stated he wanted the suite after I told him and my husband that Josh and Leah were moving in.
Tom has never paid any rent despite having a decent-paying job. I thought my son’s need was greater.
Leah adjusted her hours to align with Josh’s. She works remotely. She always prepares a nice light meal for herself and Josh after finishing work. She is an excellent cook. I am not. Last Friday was the last day of Josh’s residency as well as the last day of work for Leah.
She planned to use PTO until she gave birth.
Tom has a new partner, Betts. I don’t care for her much. She encourages him to drink. Tom is not an addict, but he can be mean when he has had too much to drink. An incident occurred about 2 years ago and I told him he would have to move out should it ever happen again.
Typically, they go back to her place after having a few drinks. But last Friday, they came to our house and followed the delicious smells emanating from the suite. They burst in on Leah and demanded food. As she opened the fridge, Tom pushed her aside and began taking out the food that she had prepared. Betts started opening the basket of baby presents that her co-workers had sent.
Leah kept asking them to stop. Tom tossed the cake she had made on the floor when he found it contained cherries. Josh arrived right in the middle of this. There was a huge fight that only stopped when Leah’s water broke. He rushed her to the hospital and five hours later, I had a beautiful baby granddaughter.
Once Tom dragged himself out of bed the next morning, I told him that I expected him out in 30 days. He started shouting at me, saying that he should have been given the suite in the first place and not my precious son. He stormed out and we have not heard from him since. My husband is very upset with me for kicking him out, citing my favoritism towards my son, (i.e., giving them the suite) as the reason for this outburst. AITJ?”
13. AITJ For Not Wanting To Name Our Baby After My Wife's Deceased Coworker?
“My (30M) wife (30F) is pregnant with our first child. We recently found out that we’re having a little baby boy. A few weeks ago we decided to write down all the boy names we like, make a priority list, and then let the names simmer for a couple of weeks before we make any judgment calls.
Now, I know the names my wife likes. If I’m being completely honest, they are usually very Southern and attempting to be “modern” (think the name Kaysen or Braxton, both names were on the list). However, at the top of her list and one with a high priority was the name Scott. Now, no hate to the name Scott, just very out of left field for her.
She told me how much she loved it and how it meant a lot to her and when I questioned her on it she didn’t really say much more. I actually loved the name Scott so we kept it #1 and it was also at the top of my “simmer list” as we had been calling it.
Well yesterday we ended our simmer period and both decided on the name Scott Kainen. Both names were #1 on our lists and we were over the moon. As we were going to bed I asked how she thought of the name Scott and she admitted to me that now that I “set it in stone” she felt more comfortable telling me.
There was an older man she apparently worked with, who I had never heard of before, that she really loved named Scott. She said he was 66 and gave her a lot of life advice and guidance but died last year.
After she said this to me I became completely uncomfortable. I don’t want our baby named after a dead coworker of hers I’ve never met.
I asked if she asked his family if it was ok and she said she’s never met his family and doesn’t think it’s necessary. The whole thing is just so bizarre to me considering I’ve never heard of this guy before. She mentioned the passing of a coworker last year and I knew she was sad but she never said much more than that.
Long story short – I told her we’re not naming our baby Scott because I don’t feel comfortable with it. She immediately got mad at me and it turned into a big argument. I had her mom and sisters call me today saying I liked the name before but that I was being a jerk over some old dude and my wife won’t even talk to me now.
I like, even love, the name Scott. I don’t like naming our baby my wife’s dead coworker I don’t know. AITJ?
Edit: Just for clarification, I would not mind keeping the name Scott (and I have communicated this to my wife) if she would tell me about him so I know who we’re naming our child after.
She won’t tell me anything past that he was a mentor to her – no other details. As well, I was mainly upset because I felt like I was tricked into the name because she withheld obvious intent with its meaning. I would have probably been a lot less confused or weirded out if she would have just explained that before.
But since she will not talk to me about Scott and is essentially stonewalling me until I give in, I feel as if I may not be the jerk here. I will take my judgments as they come, but there’s more of my side of the story.”
12. AITJ For Asking My In-Laws To Notify Us Before Bringing My Nephew Over?
“I have 4 kids (9, 7, 3 & 4m). As you can imagine life is pretty busy but I chose to have that many kids and I love it.
It is currently school holidays. My husband does do his part for the kids where he can and he is a great dad but he is still working and the majority of the child care and housework falls onto me.
This is how I like it but as anyone with multiple children knows, it’s also important to have an occasional break as well.
So to give us a break, my parents have taken my 3 older kids for a couple of days so I can spend some time with my baby, catch up on housework and hopefully get some time to relax.
So that brings us to the issue…today my FIL came over and brought my 10y nephew with him. Neither hubby nor I knew my nephew was coming. I am usually happy for him to be here. He’s an only child and is going through some tough stuff at the moment so we have had him over more recently to give him a change of scenery and a chance to play with his cousins.
My problem with him being brought here today is that 1. FIL was coming around for hubby to fix his car and I asked hubby to ask his dad not to bring MIL or nephew with him because I had things I needed to do today and didn’t have time to entertain them again as they were also over yesterday, and 2.
My kids weren’t here for my nephew to play with so he ended up just wanting to talk with me (and boy that kid can talk loud!) which also woke my baby up. And 3. Hubby knows that I don’t like being surprised with guests (my introvert side needs to prepare for this!) but his parents do this all the time.
Mentioning this quietly to hubby had no effect so I decided to message my MIL because I didn’t want to say anything to FIL or talk on the phone in front of my nephew. I didn’t want to make a big deal about it so specifically said they didn’t need to take him home and he could stay here as I don’t want to make my nephew feel unwelcome, but I asked that they let us know in advance next time so we could plan to have him here or could let them know it wasn’t a good time for him to come over.
But my MIL called my FIL and they decided to take him home. I had a chance to quickly talk with my FIL and he seemed fine about it all. I’m usually a fairly nonconfrontational person and will often just go along with things but I felt it was important enough to me that I stood up for what I wanted.
After they left my hubby absolutely went off at me saying I was selfish and fat and lazy and a horrible person for making his parents feel like they needed to take my nephew away.
I think that I am justified in defending my very rare kid-free time.
But seeing as this has devolved into an argument between hubby and me, I need another opinion.
So I’ll leave my judgment in your hands. AITJ here?”
11. AITJ For Rejecting My Partner's Surprise Lunch Due To My Food Aversion?
“A bit of backstory. I (23f) am on the autism spectrum, and one of the things I struggle with is food aversion. A lot of ingredients most find absolutely delicious and amazing, but I find downright repulsive and vile, mostly because of their texture.
It gets bad enough that I involuntarily gag if I force myself to eat it. Most people always just think I’m picky and disregard my food aversion, and because of that, I absolutely hate it when people surprise me by having lunch ubered to my workplace. Because each time they do it, it’s something that mainly consists of something I’m averse to.
Today, my partner (27m) decided to say he’s going to surprise me by having lunch delivered for me. I asked him not to and that I’m fine, but he was adamant and placed the order anyways, without running what he was getting by me. This made me anxious of course, because I’m worried it’s going to end up being something I can’t stomach.
It got delivered. It was a personal pizza. But when the delivery guy handed it over I could immediately smell one of my averse ingredients through the closed box, and I immediately knew which pizza he had ordered. A bbq chicken supreme. Bbq sauce, chicken, onions, and… green bell pepper. I cannot stand anything of bell peppers, especially the green ones.
The texture cooked and raw is icky and green peppers just taste like water and chlorophyll to me, and that taste tends to cling to everything it touches. And what’s worse, this pizza place absolutely loves covering their pizzas in green pepper when it’s ordered, so picking it off is nearly impossible. It would just be easier to take a knife and scrape the entire thing of toppings off, y’know, the cheese, chicken… everything.
I let him know thanks for the food and he ended up asking me if something was wrong and if the food was okay. I was honest with him and said that he had ordered one with green peppers and sadly it’s not something I eat. I then told him I appreciate the gesture but that I’m sorry and that I was probably just going to give it to a colleague that wanted it or simply toss it if nobody wanted it.
He got upset because he thought it was the kind I liked, and I told him I just enjoy the plain bbq chicken version and not the supreme one, and that this is why I hate people ordering food for me. Now he’s upset and very cold to me.
AITJ for saying that?”
10. AITJ For Criticizing My Brother And His Husband For Not Preparing For Their Daughter's First Period?
“My (F32) twin brother Kevin and his husband Cole (M31) got married 6 years ago and adopted Kelly (F10) two years later when she was 6.
So a few nights ago, at around 9 pm, I get a call from Kevin, who’s majorly freaking out, because Kelly got her first period.
Turns out he and Cole didn’t prepare for this happening AT ALL, so not only do they not have any pads ready, but they also have never talked to Kelly about this, meaning they now have a hysterical 10-year-old in their bathroom freaking out because she’s bleeding. So I do what every aunt would do, grab a pack of pads and make my way over to their place.
I get to their apartment, shoo the guys out of the bathroom and have the period talk with Kelly. She calms down somewhat, I explain how to change the pad to her and then tuck her back into bed, since it was past 10 by that point. Afterward, I sat down for a cup of coffee with Kevin and Cole.
This is where the conflict starts.
They thanked me for coming over so fast, I said it’s no big deal. Then I ask why they weren’t prepared for this to happen. Kevin explains that they thought they’d have more time, to which I say that was stupid since the first period can happen as early as nine years old.
Kevin got defensive and said that he googled (Are you serious man?) and the average age to get it was 12, so they expected it to be around that age. I felt like facepalming. At this point Kevin and I get more heated in our argument until Cole tells us to either stop or have the argument elsewhere because they have a sleeping kid here.
We agree that we should calm down and discuss this later.
Two days later, I meet up with Cole and Kevin again, Kelly obviously in school. I once again said that not preparing was stupid, Kevin says they had good reason to believe it would be later and that I’m too harsh on them. I tell them that they are supposed to be this girl’s parents and that situations like these aren’t optimal. Cole says I have a point, but Kevin is still defensive.
He says that they’re trying their best, but they’re still just people and I get that, but this is basic daughter stuff. We argue again for a bit, but eventually just apologize to each other and promise to try and do better next time. At this point, we’re not mad at each other anymore, but we still both believe to be in the right.
Which is why I’m here. Was I wrong here? I feel like I wasn’t.”
9. AITJ For Asking My Co-worker To Stop Including Religious Material In Emails?
“I have worked at my current job for almost 3 years. It’s a smaller company with less than 100 employees scattered across a handful of regional offices. Because I work with people in different offices quite a bit, a lot of my communication is via email.
There is one person in particular who I work with who has a habit of signing off on emails with “God Bless You.” He will also find ways to put bible quotes and scripture into his emails that I find rather inappropriate for work.
I have never been a religious person, but I was raised by Muslim parents and have nothing against it and believe that people should have every right to practice their religion as they see fit.
But, I also believe that religion shouldn’t be forced down anyone’s throat, especially in the workspace. After about 6-months at my job, I brought it up to my boss about my coworker’s email habit. He said he’s aware of it and doesn’t agree with it either, but it’s a different office and the manager of that office thinks it’s ok and I should just try to ignore it.
So, that’s what I did. I bit my tongue and tried to ignore it. For almost 2 more years I ignored it. Until one day this particular coworker added some scripture to an email he sent me after I told him I was having a rough day. I understand he was just trying to be helpful in his own way, but it just rubbed me the wrong way and I didn’t have the patience for it anymore.
So I wrote him an email and copied my boss and his office manager on it, explaining that while I appreciate the sentiment, I would prefer if he refrained from including any religious material in any and all future correspondence. It was a very professional email, succinct and to the point, but also very clear on what I was trying to communicate.
I then signed off on the email with “As-Salaam-Alaikum.”
Not even 10 minutes later I was called into my boss’s office. He asked me what I was doing mocking someone else’s religion like that. I told him I wasn’t mocking anything, I was simply conveying to a coworker, in writing, that I would prefer to keep religion out of our future correspondence.
He said that it sure seemed like I was mocking my coworker’s Christianity by using a Muslim saying in the email. I asked him if he even knew what that phrase meant and he said he didn’t. So I told him it means, “Peace be unto you.” I told him if he thinks it’s ok for someone to say God Bless You in every email, it should be ok for me to say As-Salaam-Alaikum as well.
He told me to leave his office and get back to work.
A couple of days later there was a company-wide email put out by the CEO outlining new email policies regarding religion, politics, and other personal views. It very clearly laid out that none of that kind of personal viewpoints should be included in any company email, no exceptions.
Shortly after that email was sent out, my Christian coworker sent me a text to my personal phone that simply said “I hope you’re happy, jerk.””
8. AITJ For Defending My McDonald's Coffee Purchase Against Accusations Of Theft?
“This happened about an hour ago.
So I got a free large iced coffee through the McDonald’s app and went there on my lunch break. I also got a tea and a McDouble.
When I got there there was a long line, but since I had ordered through the app it only took about a minute for mine to come out.
The employee sat my cup, bag, and coffee all on the counter together and called my name, slid all three toward me. I walked over to fill up my cup with tea, and an older woman grabs my arm and tells me that is her coffee. I respond “No ma’am, it’s mine I ordered through the app”.
She raises her voice and tells me two more times it IS her coffee and I stole it from her, I didn’t raise mine back but firmly said no ma’am it’s not. At this point everyone waiting in line had turned to see what’s going on because she was being loud. She turns around and leaves, comes back a minute later with a receipt that shows one large iced coffee, and then starts yelling at me saying to give her her coffee and that I had stolen it.
I didn’t yell but I did raise my voice back that time and said “Ma’am I believe you that you bought a coffee, but it’s NOT THIS ONE, YOU’RE NOT THE ONLY PERSON WHO CAN BUY A LARGE ICED COFFEE” and at this point she reaches over like she’s grabbing for it and then I yelled LEAVE ME ALONE LADY THIS IS MY COFFEE didn’t even cuss or anything.
Her husband pulled her away and I put the lid on my tea, and as I walked out the two of them passed me and I saw a large iced coffee in her hand, she had it down low trying to hide it behind her so I wouldn’t see it. I pointed at it and said loudly “That’s what I thought” because I wanted everyone to know I did not, in fact, steal this old woman’s $1 coffee.
The husband puts his finger in my face and says he’s going to call Lowes (where I work) and have me fired. I laughed and said go for it.
AITJ? I didn’t think I did anything wrong but a few of my coworkers said I blew it out of proportion and should’ve just given her my coffee to shut her up.
I strongly disagree and stand behind how I handled it, but want to know the opinion of the masses. So, AITJ?”
7. AITJ For Confronting My Sister-In-Law About Her Over-Reliance On My Husband?
“We lost my brother-in-law (34) (my husband’s twin brother) 2 years ago in a serious car accident. He was a good person with a good heart and losing him was devastating, especially for my sister-in-law (his wife).
We all offered different types of help to my sister-in-law and my husband has been the most supportive in the family by stepping up and helping out with transportation, child care, finances, food, doctor appointments, kids matters at school, etc.
My sister-in-law has been vocal about her needs lately. And I noticed she’s been asking my husband to do too many things for her that she in my opinion can do herself like fixing the door handle or getting food for the dog.
My in-laws noticed how she constantly keeps calling his number yet ignores all of us and turns down any offers to help her with the house or kids. It was irritating not gonna lie. I told my husband and he kept saying he wants to help out his brother’s family and finds himself guilty when he ignores her phone calls though he’s very busy with our kids and work.
This biggest fight was days ago when I was at my in-laws’ and my sister-in-law talked about receiving an invite to her friend’s wedding but was required to bring a +1. She flat out told me to tell my husband to be available on x day to go with her to the wedding as her +1. We were all shocked I looked at her and asked if she was serious.
She ranted about not finding anyone close available and also not feeling comfortable asking her husband’s friends to accompany her. I said sorry but my husband was busy and the next thing she did was ignore me and pull her phone out to call him. I stopped her and told her very firmly and loudly that she needed to knock it off because my husband isn’t hers and she needed to just stop acting like it.
She looked at me shocked and said a lot of stuff I can’t remember but accused me of not wanting her husband’s brother who’s her kids’ uncle to help her out and also accused me of discouraging him from spending time with the family and his nephews. She went on calling me petty for feeling jealous and resentful toward a struggling widow and said she needed to go to the wedding to have fun after 2 years of being depressed and unable to go out.
I argued with her and then left.
My mother-in-law called saying she understood my frustration and agreed sister in law had no right but I also had no right to say what I said and basically rubbed the fact unlike her I still have my husband with me in her face. She wanted me to apologize but I refused and explained how my sister-in-law was behaving all those months but everyone keeps saying I should be graceful and sympathetic as my sister in law is trying to adapt to her new normal. My husband said I should talk to her from one woman to another.”
6. AITJ For Being Upset That My In-Laws Don't Consider My Son As Part Of The Family?
“I (30F) got pregnant when I was 18 and met my now husband (33M) 2 weeks after giving birth.
Within the first year of my son’s life the bio dad signed away his rights and my husband adopted our son.
My husband has always treated my son as if he’s his bio dad. We haven’t told my son yet that he has a different dad than our 3 daughters. My in-laws know this but have always treated our son the same way.
A couple of Christmases ago my BIL and his wife gave my in-laws two gifts. The first one had an ultrasound and a due date. The second one had “baby boy” clothes and shoes in it. Everyone freaked out and was so excited. Then, my SIL and MIL started yelling over and over again, “FINALLY WE’RE GOING TO HAVE A (last name) BOY TO PASS ON THE FAMILY NAME!!!” My heart instantly broke.
Luckily, my son was just out of earshot. My face instantly dropped, but I didn’t say anything as to not ruin the new parents’ special moment. I didn’t end up bringing it up at all to my in-laws. I just started staying home during weekend dinners and when my MIL gave me an invite to (new mom’s) baby shower I said I was going to be gone for the night.
Deep down it absolutely crushed me because I felt like the true feelings had come out. It made me feel like they never actually viewed my son as part of the family. My son shares the same last name as the new baby, but my son doesn’t count to carry on the family name?
It was a Freudian slip if I’ve ever heard one.
Fast forward to about ten months later. I had been excusing myself from all possible family gatherings. My husband decided one day that it had been long enough and they needed to know what they did and how it looked/felt. He went over by himself and at first it was just his mom and dad.
He told them how it all played out and what was said over and over again. My MIL instantly got defensive and my FIL instantly defended her. “You have absolutely no idea how hard this has been on your mother for the past few months. This has been eating away at her and stressing her out so much!”..
not one mention about my son, if he heard or not, how this possibly made him feel, or how it made me feel and no one ever reached out to try and make it right. They then called my SIL over because she had said it too and they wanted to include her in the conversation that was extremely one-sided. “We didn’t mean it like that..
we meant ANOTHER boy to pass on the name”. No. Absolutely not. You two yelled it over and over again. My husband doesn’t have a biological son. Only an adopted one. There was no apology. There were excuses and a lot of defensive talk. Apparently some of it was my fault. AITJ?”
5. AITJ For Exposing My Brother's Partner's Fake Food Allergies?
“My brother started seeing this lady “Jessica” in January. The three of us live in the same city, about 3hrs from my & my bro’s parents/extended family so until recently, I was the only member of his family Jessica had met.
One of my brother’s favorite things to eat is this sweet potato and red pepper soup I make.
The relevant info here is that this soup features onions as an ingredient – not enough that you’d eat it and go “oh wow this sure tastes like onions”, but enough that if you skipped them it wouldn’t taste right. I make this soup for him approximately once a week, and Jessica has come to love it as much as he does, without ever mentioning any issues after eating it.
So, the issue. My brother, Jessica, and I traveled to bro and I’s hometown for our grandmother’s 90th birthday celebration this week. Our mum was catering it – specifically with traditional Indian foods, since that’s where she and our grandmother are from. However, when we arrived and I offered to help mum with the prep work, I noticed she was making several additional dishes like chicken nuggets, chips, and finger sandwiches, and was keeping them well separate from the rest of the food.
I asked what that was about and she casually said “I’m just making sure that Jessica can have something to eat with her allergies.” I said I didn’t know she had allergies and mum said “yes, she says she’s severely allergic to onion, garlic and coriander.” If you’re familiar with Indian cuisine at all, you get why it would be an issue for someone with these allergies.
Except…Jessica eats my soup. All the time. It has onions, and it’s never caused her a reaction. The part where I may have been a jerk is I said this to my mum – which, if you’re familiar with Indian mothers, you may understand how that could have been a bad move. She didn’t kick off or act aggressively, but she did confront Jessica about lying and ask if there was something wrong with her cooking.
Jessica just got kind of red and stammery and eventually admitted that she just “doesn’t like all that curry stuff” but thought saying she was allergic would be less awkward. Mum got angry because she’d taken such efforts to keep everything separate and whatever to avoid cross-contamination, Jessica got angry because Mum was angry, my brother got angry at me for saying anything in the first place.
Everything got rather awkward and Jessica ended up not even coming to the party. They now haven’t spoken to me all week, except for my brother telling me I’m a gossipy jerk and I shouldn’t have said anything, which…yeah, I kind of get.
Was I a jerk? I didn’t intend to cause drama, it was kinda just a surprised “oh that’s weird my soup with onions in it doesn’t make her ill”.
I feel bad for ruining her first impression with our family and embarrassing her.”
4. AITJ For Wanting To Tell My Wife's Mother About Her Health Issues Against Her Wishes?
“My (37M) wife (37F) is in her last trimester with our child.
Early on in the pregnancy, my wife had to be hospitalized due to being unable to eat or keep down food.
During the scans, they found a mass on her cervix and did a biopsy. The Doctor told her she needed to follow up with a specialist. We discussed our options but due to where she was in the pregnancy, if it was cervical cancer any treatment would terminate the fetus.
My wife and I have had trouble and she had two previous miscarriages to get us here.
In addition, she’s wound up in the hospital every time she’s been pregnant and our first child was a premie as she had problems carrying to term.
We’d decided that we’re too old and the risk wasn’t worth it so this will be our last child. As such, my wife said we’re going to go ahead with the pregnancy.
The doctor said that we could do that, but if things changed we could always deliver early once the baby was viable.
As such, she was supposed to see a specialist in addition to her OBGYN every month. One would monitor the baby, the other would track the mass growth. She said they were scheduled back to back on her day off and would go see them.
I was very uncomfortable and disturbed by this whole situation. My wife told me I could tell my two colleagues who are close friends, but no one else. She has told nobody and has kept it to herself.
I would ask her how the doctor visits went and she would say fine and then discuss the baby.
Due to the ER visits and hospitalization, she was already at our Out Of Pocket maximum so we won’t have any further bills until December. As such, we never received any bills. Then I got an odd bill for her and went online to verify it was legitimate. While I was scanning through the claims, I noticed the name of her OB, but I couldn’t see anything about the oncologist.
A few weeks ago, I asked her and she admitted that she hasn’t seen the oncologist since she was in the hospital for 2 weeks.
She refuses to go to the doctor or get it looked into as she won’t have this baby come early. She says there is no point. I argued this is not what any of her doctors told her and that we need a plan in place for treatment after the baby is born.
She is adamant about not seeing a doctor until after the child is born, but I think she’s just going to keep putting it off even then and finding excuses. Plus, if she delays she’ll be out of both PTO and FMLA due to the hospitalization.
My colleagues are very concerned as well and they advised me to talk to her mother, who happens to be a retired nurse who worked in…oncology.
My wife admits that if her mother knew she would make my wife go and get checked out by a doctor. However, she has specifically said she doesn’t want anyone to know including her mother.
So WIBTJ if I went against my wife and her wishes and told her mother?”
3. AITJ For Going On A Dinner Date With My Brother Because My Husband Won't Take Me Out?
“I’m a 27f stay-at-home mother of 4, soon to be 5.
My husband hasn’t attempted to take me out on a date since right before our 4th child was born 9 months ago. Mind you, I had to cry and beg for that date. Before that date it had been around almost 2 years since he had taken me on a date. He isn’t exactly interested in going out with me because of him being tired and just not being interested. He’ll make excuses about money or a sitter when we have those things to spare.
I took the hint and stopped asking. In fact, I see why. I mean, there’s not much more to me than “mommy” so why would he want to?
My husband works a lot and I understand that he’s often tired. I take care of the kids and our home as well as everything else that doesn’t fall to him.
Because I don’t work I try my best to make sure he feels special and appreciated. I give him massages, homemade dinners, clean home, and I literally serve him. This man doesn’t usually have to lift a finger when he comes home unless it’s to interact and play with his kids because he’s a good dad who loves them.
I tend to everyone’s needs without any regard for my own.
My younger brother is home from college to visit my mother and family. After telling me about the date he had with his partner before he left I got all sad. My brother asked me what was wrong and I told him how my husband wouldn’t be interested in taking me out for a nice dinner alone and go dancing.
That made him very angry. All of a sudden he’s taking my kids to my mom’s and we are off to Longhorn Steak House! Dinner is fantastic. He told me to get whatever I wanted and I did. I was paid attention to. I genuinely felt like a real person again. I got my kids, went home, and I was the happiest I’d been in a long time.
My husband of course hears of my evening without him and is very upset about it. Passively aggressively saying he hoped I enjoyed myself without him. I told him that I had the best day I’d had in a while and that it was nice to feel valued. He retorts, “Oh, so you think I don’t value you?” My response was, “Well, you’ll knock me up but you won’t even take me to dinner.” Now apparently I don’t appreciate how he works so I can stay home etc.
AITJ?”
2. AITJ For Giving My Dad An Ultimatum About Attending My High School Graduation Over My Step-Brother's Elementary Graduation?
“I’m an only child and my (18F) parents divorced when I was 8, my dad remarried when I was 12, and for a while everything was fine, but after a few years of living there with them I started to notice that my dad preferred my step-brother (13 now), they did more things together and started to ditch me to go to his games, his plays, his tournaments.
For every 10 things I invited him to, he only attended 1 maybe 2. His wife always gave excuses; ”(her son) is younger than me”, ”they are really close”, ”his dad is not involved” and told me that at least, I was lucky to have a dad with me and specifically one who was willing to ”share his love”.
Well, my mom gathered all these things to aim for sole custody when I was 13 and won it, only then I saw my dad being hurt for me ”being taken away” because in his eyes I was his little girl. I started to spend some time with my dad but only if he picked me up to do it, he still missed most of my things and I’ve always resented him and his other family for it.
Since this is my last year I had a lot of significant activities, I had my last debate, my last volleyball game, I won best essay in my class, got into best 20 alumni, and finally went to pick my prom dress, some (if not all) of these things he missed because he was working or attending something regarding his family and I can’t have it anymore.
My graduation is Dec 15, the same as my step-brother’s elementary school, and when I told my dad he said that he would see if he could make it (which meant he wouldn’t) so I came clean. I said that, while graduating elementary school is nice and great for him, I’m graduating high school and I’m on my way to university so he can’t really compare those things and, if he chose my SB’s graduation he better forget about me.
His wife flipped and told me that I was taking my SB’s dad away from a big day and I was being a spoiled brat, I told her that I couldn’t be a spoiled brat if I was being ignored the whole darn time and that I wasn’t talking to her, my dad looked shocked so I said that he could be there for once or he can miss forever and left…
but now that I’m cooled off I’m starting to feel bad, I love my dad to pieces I just want him there for me too and I surely don’t want to hurt a little kid. I was wondering if I was a jerk for acting how I did because he’s paying half of my college fund and I gave him an ultimatum, plus my dad is not prone to confrontation while my mother and I are.”
1. AITJ For Being Upset With My Fiancée Over Her Treatment Of My Female Coworker?
“Recently I (25m) got engaged to my amazing fiancee (24f) Amy. I was the happiest I have ever been when Amy said yes and was nothing but excited for our wedding. We started planning the venues, the dates, and the invites. When talking about who to invite, we both agreed to invite our coworkers as we have worked in our respective jobs for years and like them all.
As I checked that off the list, Amy spoke up and said everyone from my job can come except my work friend Tally (26f). Tally is also one of my close friends so this surprised me that Amy didn’t want to invite her. She has met Tally multiple times and there didn’t seem to be any issues.
When I asked why, she said she just doesn’t like her and finds our friendship uncomfortable, saying she thinks that Tally is the type of person to try to sway taken men and be the center of attention. After talking some more to see where she got this idea, it turned out this was based on nothing but Tally’s looks as even Amy admitted that Tally is always very kind to her.
But still, Amy is adamant about Tally not going and said that she makes her insecure. Amy is a beautiful woman so I don’t know why she feels this way.
I told Amy that if it makes her feel comfortable not having Tally at the wedding then that is fine, BUT before invitations go out I wanted to speak to her privately to let her know to save embarrassment.
Amy agreed and that was really that, we didn’t speak on the matter after. A week or so later I went to work and Tally started to ignore me, only really talking if it was work-related. I was confused as it isn’t just her, our coworkers have started to ignore her and act strange to me.
So I contacted her partner, only for him to be sarcastic on the phone. I asked what the problem was when he asked if I actually didn’t know what happened. He then filled me in. Turned out a few days earlier Amy came to my work on my day off with invitations (I had no idea she even made them yet) and handed everyone an invite in front of Tally, then said to Tally “you aren’t invited, women like you aren’t welcome” which has sparked everyone suggesting she is my “other woman”.
Since then she has been harassed by some guys at work and shunned by the women. She is now looking for another job.
This made me angry and I apologized profusely as I didn’t know. When I got home that night I confronted Amy about this. She denied it at first, but then told me she did it but it is now not an issue because she’s quitting her job.
I flipped on her saying how she clearly didn’t trust me and that she crossed a line doing all this behind my back. She didn’t see the problem and got upset asking me why I’m so mad. I responded, “if we are really going to get married, get your insecurities in check and grow up”.
I stayed at a friend’s since but have had texts from Amy, her friends, and her mother saying I was a jerk for this and that Amy doesn’t deserve this treatment. AITJ?
Edit:
I should have explained better 2 things:
- I had made many attempts to speak to Tally privately to find out what was happening prior to contacting her partner.
She brushed me off by saying she either had work to do or that there was nothing to talk about. No one would really speak to me so I contacted her partner as a last resort. Her partner says he is going to pass on to Tally what I said to him on the phone.
- The wedding is currently on hold, that is also why I’m staying at my friend’s. Need some distance to figure stuff out. I made the post because of all the texts.”
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