People Get Provoked In These 'Am I The Jerk?' Stories
28. AITJ For Kicking My Bridesmaid Out Of My Wedding After She Lied About Me?
“AITJ for kicking my bridesmaid out of my wedding after she’d already bought her dress?
Four years ago, during a period of staying at home, my now-husband and I got engaged. I asked my best friend, Marie, to be a part of our special day. Everything was going smoothly—we went dress shopping, and she bought her bridesmaid’s dress.
Due to the ongoing stay-at-home situation, I planned a small hen party at a local pub.
Marie was incredibly helpful, taking me to pick up food and storing it in her larger kitchen. On the day of the hen party, I decorated the room, and Marie dropped off the food. I paid for both of us to have our hair and makeup done and was excited for the evening.
That night, I thanked Marie for all her help. However, while I was in the restroom, I overheard her complaining to my husband’s family. She claimed she had paid for everything, done all the decorating, and paid for our hair and makeup, calling me ungrateful and saying she wouldn’t be around me if she had the choice.
I chose not to confront her then, not wanting to ruin the night. Later, I found Marie outside, crying. When I asked what was wrong, she said the venue upset her because it reminded her of my grandad’s wake. I was furious—Marie never knew, met, or spoke to my grandad.
I felt she was trying to ruin my night.
The next morning, calmer and sober, I confronted her. I explained that her lies and bringing up my grandad to upset me were too much. I told her I no longer wanted her at the wedding, offered to refund her the money for her dress, and asked her to leave it at that.
She reacted, she denied the whole thing claiming she didn’t say anything, when I told her I heard the whole thing she went off her head calling me a spoilt unpleasant person, and ungrateful person, and told me she never liked me in the first place, we haven’t spoken since.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Good thing you overheard her. She could have ruined the wedding! Badmouthing you to your husband’s family was very bad form for a bridesmaid!” Having-hope3594
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. From the title, I didn’t expect you to say you offered to refund the cost of the dress.
That would have been a different story for me. She seems unhinged. I don’t know what her problem is, but she has one.” Spare-Article-396
27. AITJ For Refusing To Send A Birthday Gift To My Nephew?
“My husband, Evan (40m), and I (38f) recently couldn’t attend our nephew, Owen’s 5th birthday party. We live over 6 hours away from them and we had just been up visiting so luckily my SILs Meghan (37f, my husband’s sister) and Katie (40f, her wife) seemed to understand.
Party looked fun and Owen looked like he had a great time. A week later, my husband gets a text from Meghan asking where Owen’s gift is. Evan mentioned that he thought we were on the same page about gifts (we donate to our nephew’s 529 occasionally).
The next day, she called him telling us just to send him a gift because he was expecting one from us. Evan reiterated what he said via text and Meghan got off the phone with a huff.
We thought that was the end of it.
A couple of days later, Evan’s dad called and asked us to please just send Owen a darn birthday gift. Evan stood his ground (and now mine) and said no. A week later, his mom called us SCREAMING about why we wouldn’t just get our nephew a birthday gift because he deserves it.
My in-laws get him everything he wants, he doesn’t need another monster truck from us (the one thing he always wants – he has over 400). We asked them to stay out of it and also said no thank you.
Cut to, tonight. Evan is away on a work trip and while he’s in a conference, Meghan texts him and says, Owen’s gift hasn’t arrived yet.
Evan reiterated that we will not get gifts for every birthday (aside from the education donation) and we don’t expect gifts for our daughter (2f).
I was planning on getting him something while we’re on vacation with them in a few weeks. Now that Meghan has begged, screamed, and fought with us over a toy, we’re not getting him anything.
I do feel bad because Owen didn’t do anything wrong but I also don’t think he knows we didn’t get him a gift. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Two jerks who are raising a future jerk. Who demands a gift? What adults run and complain to their mommy that their sibling didn’t buy their child a gift?
What mother calls her grown son screaming that he buys a gift? This is one of the most pathetic displays of materialism and entitlement that I have read to date. I am so glad you said no and told your mom to mind her business.
“Brother and SIL. My wife and I have and had planned to continue to donate to your child 529 instead of a gift. However, after this disgusting, entitled, and childish display, we have decided that we will no longer contribute to the fund.” This topic is closed and any further attempts to bully and harass us will leave us no choice but to limit our contact.” Forget ‘em.
No one is entitled to a gift. OP can send a card. Children need to learn that people can love and care about them without expecting a gift.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. A gift is a voluntary kindness, not an obligation. You’re already generously donating money for his future.
That’s more than enough. It sounds like his parents set him up with the expectation that you’d send a gift, which is their problem to deal with, not yours. It’s good for a kid to realize that they can’t always get everything they want, and they can’t *expect* gifts from people.” refer
Another User Comments:
“Ntj What entitled parents. I have never expected gifts for my son. And we have a firm rule about only sending gifts to kids we are seeing in person. It’s a waste of money to pay for shipping. Kids at that age are excited to open presents but probably can’t even read the cards yet.
They’re not keeping track of who gave them what, they’re just excited about new toys/books, etc. If the nephew is aware of it it’s completely because the parents have been talking about it to them.” Bibbityboo
26. AITJ For Wanting To Set Boundaries For Family Visits After My Baby's Birth?
“My (24f) baby is due in the next month. Baby will be the first grandchild on my side and the second on my husband’s side.
We’re all very excited to meet the little wiggle worm and just ready to have the baby home.
Both sides of the family live at least 6+ hours away from where we currently live. My mom has requested that I call her the second I go into labor so she and my dad can drive the 6 hours to come see us and meet the baby.
I want to state I love my parents to pieces, but sometimes they’re a bit overbearing. They plan on staying at my house for a week after I go into labor. I know my mom intends on helping with cleaning cooking and housework, so I’m not as apprehensive of them coming.
I just know it will be overwhelming.
My husband’s mother lives farther away from my parents and plans to fly in. I have been warned that she most likely will do nothing other than hold the baby. Her flight is scheduled for the end of next month, so there should be no overlap between sets of parents.
Here’s where I may be the jerk. I have considered not telling my parents about my labor until after the baby is born and we’re home and settled, which will upset them. I had also considered setting rules where I will not be catering and hosting family and guests like usual; which is most likely what his mother will expect.
Sister says I’ll be the jerk since my mom is excited about the baby and I’d be depriving her of the experience. She also thinks I should be able to let both sets of grandparents bond with the baby. My husband says to do whatever I feel necessary since I’m planning a natural birth and I’ll be in pain.
WIBTJ if I set rules and boundaries around my birth?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your baby, your rules, your decision. I wouldn’t tell them anything about your idea to phone them after the delivery rather than before, because that means you’ll get nothing but grief and emotional blackmail about your decision.
You’ll also have to prepare yourself for arguments if they start on you for not phoning them when you go into labor, try not to let them upset you about that. It’s your decision, and hosting them so soon after childbirth will be hard enough without all the stress.” chubalubs
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You have every right to set rules for who visits you, when, where, how long, etc. You are not obliged to feed and house anyone other than your baby. State your rules. Stick to them. Do not explain or apologize. I wish you and your husband and baby the best of all possible luck!” Catsbirdshorses
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. This is your medical event, not theirs, and you call the shots. You have the authority to set visiting times and hours. You aren’t obligated to host anyone after giving birth. Access to the baby is a privilege, not a right, and it can be revoked at any time.
Make this clear and enforce it. Make sure your husband backs you up. Put anyone that complains in time out. It’s their choice to fly out but not your responsibility to cater to them.” verminiusrex
25. AITJ For Wanting To Tell My Former Coworker's Wife He's Looking For A New Wife?
“I (30f) used to work with a man (35m). On a professional level, we worked fine together but clashed several times regarding how he treated and talked to several people (myself included) He’s made a lot of sexist comments that made me try to keep my distance from him.
He finally moved on to another job a year ago.
It’s important to note that he’s not from the US, but his wife is. They have been married for over 8 years and have 2 children together. I’ve met her and she’s a very nice person. I’m connected to them both through social media.
I only really stayed connected with him in the event our jobs are looking for extra help. We refer people to each other every summer.
Last week, he reached out to me to let me know his job is looking for some summer help and if I had any summer employees that were looking for 2nd jobs to send them his way.
I told him I would.
He then went on to say “If you know any women from (his country of origin) who want to stay in the US, give them my number. I’m looking for a wife!”
I was confused and asked him about his current marriage.
He said that she “No longer wants to be his wife, and he needs someone to raise his kids. But keep it to yourself and don’t tell anyone I said this.”
This is a huge red flag for me. Both of them are still connected on social media but I know what doesn’t necessarily mean they aren’t separated. They don’t post much on their private life so It wouldn’t surprise me if they are separated and haven’t said anything to anyone.
My gut is telling me to reach out to his wife about what he said, but I don’t know if that’s the right thing to do. If it was me, I would want to know but that’s my viewpoint. Should I tell her or stay out of it?
WIBTJ if I tell her about his messages?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ he brought you into his business by asking you to assist with referring potential new wives to him (yuck) and give out his number. You should reach out. You swore no oaths to secrecy to him, he brought you into this business, to begin with, and he can deal with the consequence of doing that.
Another User Comments:
“NTJ what is wrong with him? That’s a wildly inappropriate message to send and then to ask you to keep it a secret? I’d tell him it was inappropriate and send the wife screenshots— let her know you don’t know what’s going on between them, but you found these messages to be inappropriate.
She can take it from there, if they are separating maybe it can help her with the divorce. If they’re not separating…maybe it’ll help her realize they should be.” chaenukyun
Another User Comments:
“You state you are connected only on a professional basis.
Personally, when you worked at the same place you distanced yourself from him due to sexist remarks he made. He has now brought you into his personal life by asking you to help him find a new wife. You would not be the jerk for reaching out to his present wife to find out what is going on.
Chances are she has no clue what he is doing; looking for a new wife. This would give her the chance and opportunity to lower the boom on him instead of him doing it to her. Which should be like what he is planning.” Odd-Trainer-3735
24. AITJ For Not Inviting My Grandparents To My Wedding Due To Their Negligence Of My Mistreatment?
“I have decided to not invite my grandparents to my wedding. Family members from both sides have expressed their uncertainty about my decision… my fiancee, his sister, and my brother however are understanding and support it.
There’s a lot of backstory to this, but to keep it brief, my grandparents have condoned the mistreatment and neglect of my brother and me since early childhood.
Their daughter, my mother, is abusive and narcissistic towards my brother and me. They saw firsthand what that woman put us through and for years I always just turned a blind eye to it.
Then I became a mother myself and realized how out of line their negligence and behavior truly was. I had to be the one to break the cycle of mistreatment to children in our family, and the moment I started changing myself to be better, I started seeing how messed up the situation was.
I was dependent on substances for 5 years, got pregnant, and ended up in some trouble. CPS had to get involved, and honestly thank God they did. They opened up my eyes to how sick my family is, and how sick I am. I got sober and my mother hated it.
She is still dependent on substances and I have no contact with her.
My grandparents were no help in my recovery. They refused to help when CPS got involved. I confronted them after years of silence & made it clear I no longer wanted to act as if their actions, my mother’s actions, and my own were in any way excusable.
I wasn’t received well! They expect this to go away without any apology. The wedding is small, with only 50 people attending. I only want those closest to me and my fiancée there, not the two people who facilitated my mistreatment by turning a blind eye to it.
I don’t think they deserve to be part of my best day ever. I truly have no relationship with them anymore at this point. So, am I AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Surround yourself with love and support on your wedding. I don’t think when you see your grandparents you’d feel either of those things.
Weddings don’t need to be about obligations that don’t make you feel supported or loved. NTJ.” Major_Barnacle_2212
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You want reasonable reactions from people who condoned or participated in the mistreatment you suffered. Absolutely shouldn’t be at your wedding.
That’s reserved for the people in your life who have uplifted you and celebrated this union. And. Good for you for becoming the woman you are!! Awesome.” trishsf
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Oh no. Just because your grandparents didn’t do the abusing themselves, doesn’t mean they weren’t abusive.
They allowed it to happen & pretended it wasn’t. I hope they’re happy with themselves. You do not owe them an invite. You would be a jerk if you did invite them.” NOTTHATKAREN1
23. AITJ For Not Wanting My Partner To Hang Out With Her Ex-Casual Partner?
“I 32m have recently become exclusive partners with Sally 34f (not her real name). Sally and I were seeing each other for a few months before deciding to go exclusive. During this time, I know she was seeing two other men casually, however, neither of them was a relationship type for her.
Once we became exclusive, she notified both of the other guys and stopped seeing them.
Just recently, one of these guys has reached out to her, asking if they can hang out and watch a movie together. Sally didn’t answer but came to me asking about it, thinking that if he comes over to her place where she lives with her sister then it shouldn’t be an issue.
Sally is wary that this guy’s intentions might be to try to make a move on her, so she thinks that if her sister is also present then it would negate that.
Sally and this guy met through a social app, there was no friendship before they were involved.
Sally believes that this guy doesn’t have many friends that he can hang out and watch movies with, and believes that they should be able to get along as friends.
AITJ for not feeling comfortable about this situation and wanting to say no? Even writing it out and reading it back makes me more uncomfortable with it.
I also don’t like being put in the situation to deny her, I know that if the roles were reversed I wouldn’t think about bringing it up. I wouldn’t even want to do it.
Additionally, she has multiple other male friends and I’d be comfortable with her hanging out with them.
Earlier on when we were seeing each other, she asked about going interstate with one for a work trip because I was unavailable and I was fine with it.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Do yourself a solid and drop this girl. She is guaranteed to be unfaithful to you if this is her approach.
Honestly, I have no idea why you would even be with somebody who needs to have two casual partners on the side while you are together :-D” Individual_Complex_6
Another User Comments:
“NTJ I’m all for having friends of different genders but they weren’t friends, they were involved. Why would she even want to hang out with him anymore?
If it’s just because she thinks he doesn’t have many friends then that’s a bit of a sorry excuse, he can make friends on his own and not rely on women he’s been with for socialization.” miwowow
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Seriously, why is she willing to put you through that for someone that is not even a friend?
If she’s not starved for friendship, she loses nothing to refuse him. Why is she even entertaining the idea of bringing this guy into her life when it’s obvious it’ll only create complications in her relationship with you? She is even suspicious of his true intentions, so why risk it at all?
Too much to lose and little to gain by putting you and herself in an uncomfortable situation with some random guy in my opinion. I hope she can understand and if not …. RUN” Ashkiel666.
22. AITJ For Not Trading My Potential First Class Seat On A Surprise Trip I Planned?
“I planned a two-week trip for their birthday as a surprise and paid for all of the accommodations and travel necessities. I’ve spent ~ 3k already.
Luckily, I have non-rev tickets to fly standby, (I still paid over 1k for our tickets though) but I am on a higher status on the list because I’m a family member and they aren’t. So, it looks like there’s a chance I may get first class, and they wouldn’t.
They’re saying they’re mad at me, and I’m rude because I don’t want to trade my ticket to sit in coach.
Their reasoning is it’s because it’s their birthday and a trip I planned for them, so I should let them have the first-class spot since they’ve never flown first class (mind you I’ve only flown first class like twice in my life like 16 years ago).
Also, it’s not like I just upgraded my ticket or bought one first-class seat, I would never do that. I’d 100% want to sit by them but there are only middle seats and first-class seats left.
Realistically we’ll probably both be in coach, but now I’m upset.
I told them I feel unappreciated like nothing is good enough since I’ve already paid for everything and planned this whole surprise trip.. and now I should also give up my first class seat too? It just hurts my feelings, but they said they’re not apologizing and their feelings are justified I could ask anyone and they’d see how rude I’m being…so what are your thoughts, am I being unreasonable here?”
Another User Comments:
“Everyone’s a jerk here. It did not happen yet and you are already fighting over something that may never materialize. For the record, I think you should give him the better seat given that it is his birthday and you are supposedly treating him.
But he should not be demanding it like he did. I think loving partners should rather fight “You have the better seat” or “No, YOU have the better seat”. Neither of you sounds like a loving partner in this.” Angelina
Another User Comments:
“Not the jerk.
You are probably not allowed to give your seat to someone with a lower priority. You could get in trouble or the airline employee who gave you the passes could get in trouble. If your standby number is 4 and you don’t use the first-class seat, the standby person at #5 is supposed to get it, not your traveling companion at #8.
That’s how non-rev works usually. Plus your friend seems pretty ungrateful.” MinimumOption6091
Another User Comments:
“Not the jerk. I don’t understand some of these responses. People obviously can’t read, so let me summarize. 1: She paid for the entire trip. 2. She has non-rev tickets because of her familial connection to a family member who works for the airline, which is why they would not end up sitting together anyway since the seats would be assigned at check-in based on whatever is left on the plane 3.
Even if she chose to give away her first-class seat (should she be assigned it), he wouldn’t get it anyway. It would go to the next higher-status person on the list, not him! Some people seem to think you should have just paid an extra 1k for airline tickets that you already spent on TOP of everything you’ve already spent on the trip.
That’s insane. It’s also insane to pass up a potential first-class seat that your partner wouldn’t get anyway and sit in separate seats in coach just to keep him from being upset.” NorthernLitUp
21. AITJ For Making My Roommate Clean Up His Aluminum Foil From The Toaster Oven?
“I got paired up kinda randomly into a 2 person apartment with a kitchen at a University and we generally get along but occasionally we butt heads. We both sometimes use the toaster oven to cook, but my roommate often leaves his aluminum foil in the toaster oven when he’s done instead of throwing it away in the trash.
The first time this happened, I just threw out the dirty aluminum foil before putting in clean foil and cooking my food. The second time, I told my roommate it happened twice and that he needed to clean up after himself in the future. The third time, I told him he did it again and that he should come to clean it up himself right now so I could cook my food.
This all happened within like a week or two.
It happened more times, and the guy started getting frustrated that I was interrupting whatever he was in the middle of to have him come retrieve his dirty foil from the toaster oven so that I could immediately begin cooking my food.
His position was that it only takes a few seconds for me to remove the foil myself in the case where he forgets to do it and is busy with something else.
My major is education so I might be a bit biased, but I tried to explain to him that if I keep just cleaning up after him then this stuff will keep happening, whereas if I make him stop what he’s doing to clean it up he’ll be motivated not to repeat the mistake.
He was very offended that I was trying to use my educational techniques on him. Pretty sure he thinks I’m a total jerk for this but I think I’m fully justified in interrupting what he’s doing to have him empty the toaster oven so that I can cook.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here. Your roommate should just be an adult and clean up after himself in the kitchen. But worse than that, frankly, is that you don’t consider this to be a genuine interpersonal issue, but rather an excuse to try out your “educational techniques” on him as though he were a child under your tutelage.
Get over yourself and start learning how to separate your personal life from your professional training. (The word you’re looking for, by the way, is “pedagogical.”)” Jyqm
Another User Comments:
“NTJ you’re correct that if you keep removing his used foil, he’ll expect you to do it every time.
He’s grown up enough to know that he should remove it and if it’s too hot can set a reminder to do so. I once lived with people who were happy to leave the place dirty and this one girl went on a trip…left a used pot behind I got fed up and didn’t wash it.
She came back, saw the pot, and said she was “surprised I didn’t clean it.” So that confirmed what I knew, and so I left their dirty things to one side and cleaned only what I had to.” chaenukyun
Another User Comments:
“YTJ for choosing this hill to die on.
Should he be leaving the foil in the oven? No, and I wish he’d clean it up too. However, making a big deal out of it and going “Oh, I know Pavlovian conditioning!” as a conflict resolution tactic is being a jerk. You’re taking more of your time and his time to prove a point and be right.
You’d spend far less time just throwing out the foil a hundred times than being petty about it. Your behavior here is not saving you time, nor is it saving you stress. This is saving your ego from being wrong.” SayoYasuda
20. AITJ For Trading $1 For $50 Worth Of Silver Coins From An Unknowing Customer?
“I work at a gas station/convenience store that is pretty busy.
My job requires me to handle a lot of coins daily, both from customers and rolled coins from the bank. On the side, I collect (more like hoard) old coins. Nothing crazy like looking for mistakes, just old ones. I have a particular affinity for all silver coins.
My employer is fine with me practicing my hobby provided I pay the face value of each coin to the store. You know, an even trade.
So, a lady came in not too long ago and made a purchase. She paid close to exact change which included one 1964 Quarter (silver) which I clocked immediately.
I accepted it without a word. I then glanced up at her hand holding all of her remaining coins and noticed more silver quarters. So, I asked her if she wanted to trade a dollar’s worth of coins for a dollar bill. Without hesitation, she gathered up 4 more silver quarters and traded them for the bill.
Later, once she had gone, I used my own money to purchase the $1.25 in coins from the till.
But I am starting to feel bad, though. She didn’t know what she had or else she wouldn’t have spent them for face value. My coworkers say “Her loss is your gain” and “She should have known.
It’s not your (my) fault she didn’t know.” But I also purposefully withheld the info I had and offered a trade that was heavily stacked in my favor. Should I have tried to tell her what she had and what it could be worth, or is this just “The Art of the Deal”?
Quarter years and approx. Value for those interested:
2x 1964, 1960 d, 1954 d, and 1943.
Each coin is worth ~$10 for a total of ~$50
I know this doesn’t seem like all that much, but it is many times the face value of the coins.”
Another User Comments:
“Going against the grain with NTJ.
Those coins would have inevitably ended up somewhere else to disappear into circulation, and OP rescued some items that could be of value to other collectors. It’s not as if OP swindled someone out of coins that were worth thousands of dollars, and as another poster mentioned, even if the lady knew the coins were worth $50, that doesn’t mean they could exchange them instantly for $50, and maybe they wouldn’t even want to bother with the hassle.” synchronicitistic
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here (kind of). Your interaction was a classic example of how capitalism works. You profited off of her ignorance of the coin’s worth (although as others have pointed out it’s likely that even if you told her she would have given the coins to you because people tend not to care about coin collecting).
I think it speaks very well of your character that you feel guilty about it because you saw it as a human interaction rather than a business transaction. Your choice was rational and encouraged under our current system. Perhaps it was wrong because it was greedy but I think that reflection speaks more to the way we have organized our society rather than your moral failing.
Overall, the transaction was extremely small with little impact on anyone so I wouldn’t worry about it, but a good example of the basics of capitalism.” extreme_enby
19. AITJ For Wanting My Son's Partner To Get A Job Or Move Out?
“Last September, my then 18-year-old son asked if he could move his 17-year-old partner in because she came from a harsh and abusive home. I was hesitant and didn’t want to take on caring for another person. My husband and I were looking forward to finally having time to ourselves since we have raised three children.
I gave in and felt bad for her. The mother didn’t care if she left and so the journey of getting her to finish school and be financially responsible for her care, clothes, food, etc. began.
The problem I have is, I have told her how beautiful and intelligent she is to get her to feel more confident about herself.
She hardly engages with any other members of our family except my son. She doesn’t talk, doesn’t like to leave her room, sleeps all the time, eats whatever, and barely cleans up after herself. I’ve noticed that my son is constantly taking care of her and cleaning up after her.
I’ve tried having conversations with her about expectations but nothing works. She is now retreating to her room when my husband and I walk in the door. Zero conversation! She will be 18 in a few weeks and she’s expected to get a job and start college.
That’s the rule for staying with us but I’m seeing no indication of her trying to get a job. Any communication from her goes through my son and then he tells me. I feel like I’m a stranger in my own home and I have to tiptoe around her feelings.
Not sure what else I can do.
So AITJ for giving her one month to get a job or face moving out and also making my son angry with me?
Also, most of the stories of mistreatment turned out to be false. Yes, her mother is not great but I was told some pretty horrific things which were proven otherwise.
I talked with her about that and understood why she was trying to leave and find a safe place and we would be that safe place for her, which is why I have some guilt about making her leave if she doesn’t change.”
Another User Comments:
“Why does she need a “safe place” if the allegations of mistreatment are false? I hate to sound like a meany, but this person is not your responsibility. It sounds like she’s got a home but just prefers not to live there. You are NTJ. But I would let your son know first that you must evict her and then, along with your husband, tell her. Maybe give a few weeks notice. Your son won’t be mad forever; he’ll recover, trust me. And he can move out with her if he wants to.” Both-Ad1586
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You’re not her mother or guardian. You‘ve remarkably allowed her to stay in your house, most people would have refused outright. She can get her act together, be social with yourself and her husband, and not hide in her room.
Doing chores, doing basic household expectations. Not unreasonable when she is 18 for her to get a job. I would stop this nonsense of talking to her through your son. If needs to be treated like a child, seems she needs some stern discipline. I don’t know maybe her mother had had enough of her behavior and antics and couldn’t handle it.
If she cannot change then you’re doing your son a big favor in the long term, although he won’t see it for X time.” NonamesleftUK
Another User Comments:
“Can you call a social worker to help her get a safe place to go? At what age are parents no longer responsible for their children where they are?
If it’s not safe for her to go home then child welfare should be involved and mom should be paying for her. If it is safe then she needs to go home or get her place. Is she well? She sounds like she could have some mental health stuff going on.
I don’t know if you have a relationship with her to suggest she talk to a doctor. Can you have that conversation with your son? You meant well but you are in over your head.” sreno77
18. AITJ For Offering Solutions To My Younger Co-Worker's Complaints?
“I (20F) was at work on my break.
My younger coworker (16/17F) sat down next to me, she seemed flustered because one of our supervisors had just gotten upset over something other employees had done. I am not someone who gets bothered by that kind of thing, so I just offered her some reassurance of “We’re fine, don’t worry about it” which she seemed okay with.
She then said, “My stomach hurts.” This is where I worry that I may be the jerk: I went “Oh, did you eat?”. When she responded yes, I followed up with, “Ah, do you need some water?” She then went, “No, I just need my stomach to stop hurting,” before leaving to take her break somewhere else.
I have a history of being overly solutions-oriented. I can also be overly concerned for other people. I know that both of these characteristics came out in that interaction. I worry that I was annoying at that moment, to the point where I was the jerk.
Sometimes people just want to complain, which I understand, but I often forget that in the moment. I worry that this may have been one of those times.
For some more context, we are fairly new co-workers, just since the last couple of months. We have had a couple of small-talk interactions before this.
She is nice but I do not think that we would be friends outside of work.
I also acknowledge that I am overthinking this. I think that my getting some opinions on this interaction would help give me some clarity about whether I was truly annoying, or if it was more a situation where she was acting like a teenager (which I can’t fault her for, I was there not too long ago obviously lol)”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, it sounds like you were just trying to be helpful and concerned. As someone who also tends to be solutions-oriented, I get it can come across as annoying sometimes. But it’s coming from a good place of wanting to make things better.
Your coworker is young and probably just needed to vent. No harm done!” thebruisedpeter
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. While it’s true you should read the room to try to tell if someone is just seeking to vent or wants any advice, out of consideration, it’s a two-way street.
If you want to vent to someone you should read the room about whether they are in the mood to hear it and be willing to listen to some advice if you are complaining about a problem you have. Speaking to the issue of venters in a broader sense, there’s a tendency for some people to claim that venters already know everything you might want to tell them as advice and already have the optimal solution worked out — they just want to vent some stress, so doing anything but shutting up and listening is rude.
I disagree with that. It’s very often not true and I think there needs to be consideration both ways anyway.” kurokomainu
17. AITJ For Not Trusting My Partner's Older Friend?
“My partner and I had this mutual friend through our job.
I only worked part-time at that location so they are much closer than I am with that friend. At first, I never had any thought behind it considering that my partner is a year younger than me and our mutual friend is only 3 years older than me.
I am a senior so that gap wasn’t too odd. I recently quit that job due to management issues and haven’t been speaking with that friend as often. I noticed that she has been around that said friend a lot more than usual. My partner has a problem saying no to things and most recently went with this friend to a concert and got high.
My partner was also told it would be the two of them and then arrived to see 2 other people, one of which was a guy who kept making inappropriate jokes. She has also been letting my partner get intoxicated at her house for the past 3 nights.
This friend and my partner have been having sleepovers every night and I have a very bad feeling about her (the friend). My partner says that this friend is like her best friend but am I wrong for thinking it weird that they are almost 5 years apart?
Note that my partner is still in high school and this friend just finished cosmetology school. I have argued with this friend before regarding butting into our relationship after she made my partner take my sweater off while at a festival. My partner was cold and people began staring and instead of fighting anyone, I gave her my sweater.
I no longer trust this friend around my partner but do not want to upset anyone. How should I deal with the situation?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ for not trusting this “friend.” I don’t see how you could trust her. But at the end of the day, your partner ultimately gets to choose who she hangs out with.
I don’t see how what they do affects you or affects your relationship with your partner. They’re separate relationships.” LoudCrickets72
Another User Comments:
“Age gaps can make things seem odd, but friendships can be based on more than just age. Maybe have an open chat with your partner, express your concerns calmly, and try to understand her perspective too.
It’s about finding a balance where you feel secure without pushing anyone away.” slippery racism
Another User Comments:
“NTJ This “friend” sounds creepy and I would tell your partner to stop associating with this person before she drags her into the streets with her if she hasn’t already.” FHTFBA
16. AITJ For Asking My Mom To Return The Money I Sent To Help Her?
“My mother has been going through a huge ordeal lately. Last October, she was diagnosed with bipolar disorder and institutionalized. She then decided with the guidance of her therapist that she would go on long-term disability. Here it is in June and she is just now going back to work… after dropping down to part-time after her therapist also told her to do so.
The issue is now that she is making zero money. She works one day a week, isn’t making enough money to pay her bills, and is struggling. My sister called me the other day and told me that my mom’s power and water were going to be shut off due to nonpayment on the 28th.
I work a full-time job and could afford to help so I called her and asked her if I could pay them for her and she was completely dismissive of my help. She told me she did not want mine or anyone else’s help. I ignored her and sent her the money anyway and told her to pay them and she told me she would think about it.
The following day, I went over to her house and asked if she paid them and she said no. I then angrily tell her to send my money back and she does which makes me cry. I go to my sister’s house and she asks what my mom is going to do and I say I’m unsure at this point because I am upset.
My mom then texted my sister to say that she had no choice but to be homeless now because I asked her to send my money back.
The guilt and shame I feel is off the charts. I do not want her to struggle and I do not want her to be without but she will not accept my help.
She told me she wasn’t even going to use my money, she was just going to let it sit there until the 28th and then send it back. I am at my wit’s end and I am so depressed and hurt. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ- I’m so sorry about your mom, but please don’t blame yourself at all. She’s a grown adult, and she has to be responsible for her own choices, even if that choice is refusing help. The only thing that would come to mind if you’re desperate to keep her from going homeless is to see if you or your sister could get a conservatorship over her, but I also understand if you can’t or just don’t want to go to that extent.” User
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – time out. She said she didn’t want your money and didn’t use it, then said she’s going to be homeless because you asked for it back, then said she was going to send it back anyway??? That’s called emotional manipulation.
You have NOTHING to feel bad about. She’s playing you. Time to off this crazy train and worry about your own life.” Legal-Lingonberry577
Another User Comments:
“NTJ- Just a suggestion but try talking with your mother and seeing if she is open to you and her doing a therapy session together.
Maybe if you did one together the therapist could help you find a way to communicate with your mom. You could try paying things online but if she needs groceries or other expenses another time you’ll end up in the same situation.” User
15. AITJ For Using The Washer/Dryer In My Roommate's Bathroom Without Permission?
“So, here’s the deal. My flat has an in-unit washer/dryer that is, unfortunately, in the primary bathroom attached to the primary bedroom.
We often have to ask the roommate (Mia) who is in the primary bedroom if we can do laundry (weekends only; an odd stipulation in our lease; don’t ask). The problem is that she is wildly unresponsive to her texts. There are four of us.
Mia has claimed all of Friday as her laundry day, leaving three of us with roughly 24 hours (laundry hours are like 7a-7p) to figure out when to do laundry.
Back to the unresponsive thing. All of us have jobs, lives, etc., so we can’t exactly wait for her to reply all the time.
Sometimes it’s even hard to get an answer out of her face-to-face. So, now, if Mia leaves, someone will often just go into her bathroom to do laundry quickly and get out. If she comes home, we text and ask if we can come in and finish it, and are often left waiting for hours.
We’ve started doing this because we’ve tried to talk to her about this, and she always says the same thing: “Oh, but I need my privacy.” Which is so fair! I get it.
However. She chose that room. She knew what came with it. We all pay to use the washer/dryer.
And she refuses to work with us regarding any kind of schedule, communication, etc. Today, I noticed she wasn’t home, so I did my laundry because I knew that it was my only chance to do so this weekend. She came home as the dryer was running, and is now peeved at all of us and lowkey accusing us of knowing her schedule.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If the weekend is laundry day for three of you – that means free access to do so. Knock on the door, of course, don’t get up too early or run machines too late. She has to accept everyone else doesn’t need to request permission or seek a reply from her.
If she doesn’t like it she can swap bedrooms or move out. She could of course allow washing on other days if the weekend is too much trouble for her. Frankly, if I were you I’d be demanding each housemate have sole use of the machine/s one day of each week.
Then swap with someone else if you need to. If she is being a jerk then I’d just let myself in whenever I need to without any complex schedule.” NonamesleftUK
Another User Comments:
“Everyone’s a jerk here. What do you mean that you “all pay for it”?
That you pay specifically for laundry access, or that having a washer/dryer make an apartment more expensive? This needs to have been discussed in detail BEFORE moving in and choosing rooms. Mia has the primary bedroom with the W/D. There are two ways this could have gone.
A) She pays an agreed-upon amount more than everyone else to have exclusive access. B) She pays an agreed-upon amount less premium than the primary bedroom is usually worth, as a trade for less privacy with people coming in and out to do laundry, with a reasonable schedule.
This is why roommate calculators/bidding exist. But with such an uneven facility, which has major benefits and major drawbacks, this needed to be discussed significantly before signing. Also, why do you need to wait for a text, and why only on weekends? Why can’t you talk about making a schedule in advance?” Usrname52
14. AITJ For Wanting My Sister To Give Away Her Neglected Cats?
“This is my first time posting so I’m sorry if I’ve set this out wrong as I just need to tell people who don’t know me personally.
I know that the title may seem selfish, but please just hear me out.
I (17F) have an older sister (22F) called Ann (not her real name). Ann owns two cats (1F and 2M), which I don’t mind as I like the little jerks even though they tend to scream in my ear from time to time.
What I don’t like, however, is the condition the animals are in. Both of the cats are rescues but Ann has done nothing to improve their way of life. They are skinny, smell of urine, and are covered in fleas – to the point where the youngest (1F)’s once white fur is now an off-grey.
I have tried to talk to her about this but she just won’t listen, insisting that “she’s older so she knows what’s best for them”, which is nonsense. Respectfully.
I don’t want to nag her about it as Ann is known for holding a grudge and has gotten into the habit of every time I bring it up, she tallies the number of times I do and then puts me on “timeout” from seeing the cats – which I wouldn’t mind if I wasn’t the only one refilling their water bowl.
I want to do something about this but don’t know how without destroying my relationship with my older sister but I’m at a complete loss on how to do so.
I know I might seem like the jerk in this, but I am genuinely worried about the cat’s condition.
I believe she isn’t fit to look after these cats because of this and want her to give them to someone who I know will look after them with at least the basic respect that they deserve.
So, AITJ for wanting my sister to get rid of her cats?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She is neglecting these cats. She is not a fit cat owner. If you can get evidence of her neglect and mistreatment, maybe you can send it to the rescue she got them from. Maybe they’ll be able to do something or at least talk to her as an “authority”.
It’s awful what she’s doing. Is there anyone else that she will listen to that you can talk to who can help convince her that she should find a better home for them?” matchamagpie
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but there are other ways. If you are in contact with them buy Capstar and Frontline, capstar’ll kill all the fleas, and Frontline will keep them down (probably it works on fleas still?).
Make sure it’s the for cats kind. Just don’t tell her. Once you have things under control if they are really in that bad a shape (I think they can get worms from fleas among other things) you can take a little more time to try to find them a good home, because in a lot of areas having a home at all beats nothing for a cat.” VindictivePuppy
Another User Comments:
“NTJ you have to do what is best for the cats.. people have choices the cats don’t.. and vet care is expensive.. a simple wellness check with shots, heartworm, and flea script for 1 of my mutts is almost 500$ .. if she hasn’t even bathed and tried to treat the fleas then she is not taking care of them and they need someone who will” SeamStressed1
13. AITJ For Reporting A Rude Bus Driver After A Confrontation?
“I use the bus every day to get to and from work.
I have great relationships with my regulars – we know each other by name and I’m always very respectful. But today, I had an extremely rude bus driver.
You know how when you pull the cord to get off the bus, a light comes on?
I did not realize that the light cord was broken and that multiple other people had pulled it to alert my driver to stop as I had headphones in, so I pulled – and she proceeded to lecture us rudely about how she could hear it and we didn’t have to pull it a thousand times.
I felt she had been quite rude but I also wanted to apologize for potentially being annoying, so when I went to get off at my stop, I said, ‘For the record, I had my headphones in, and-‘ I was going to say ‘I’m sorry for pulling it, I didn’t hear the others.’ But she didn’t even let me finish, and she went ballistic.
She began shouting at me, ‘I don’t give a darn what you’re saying! You rude jerk, get off of my bus!’ And continued to shout at me as I got off the bus. The way that she was talking to me was extremely out of line – so I decided to visit their administrative office on my way home from work, as one of its many purposes is to file complaints.
Unfortunately, it was closed, despite saying it was open on the website. While waiting for my Uber driver to arrive to pick me up so that I could go home, the bus driver pulled in and recognized me. She proceeded to then chase me down, harass me, and continue to yell profanities at me until my Uber driver picked me up to bring me home.
So my question is – did I overreact by visiting the office to complain about how she was behaving on the bus?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ for reporting the bus driver. Her behavior was highly unprofessional and inappropriate, especially when she chased you down and continued to harass you.
Reporting her conduct was a reasonable response to ensure such behavior is addressed.” User
Another User Comments:
“No genuine apology ever starts with the phrase “for the record”. That’s how people start sentences that are designed to justify their bad behavior. I’m not justifying the behavior but imagine driving a bus all day and having people at every stop pulling the cord multiple times because they all had their headphones in – I’m a pretty chill person and that would drive me insane.” throwAWweddingwoe
12. AITJ For Telling My Half-Sister To Stop Whining About Her Divorced Parents?
“So, I, 16M, have an older sis, Hailey, 21F, who’s back to stay for the holidays. And, look, I know children of divorced parents have a hard time growing up but honestly, most of my empathy for Hailey, evaporated when I was 7.
My mum died and Hailey seemed to almost celebrate it, which sounds morbid but it’s true. She even went so far as to try and set Dad and her mum up at the funeral.
Hailey and I have never gotten along, she thinks I’m her replacement and I think she’s a terrifying jerk who haunted my childhood.
Multiple times when we were younger, she would go out of her way to come up to me and complain about her mum living oh so far away, and then make a startled noise, and say ‘Oops, well, not as far as yours I suppose’.
I started to think this wasn’t an accident about the third time.
The anniversary of my mum’s death was less than a week ago so I admit I was a bit less patient for her than usual when she decided to try and talk to me about the differences between our grades.
(I get better grades than her) and talk about the massive difference that growing up in a stable home could have for a kid’s grades and how I was so lucky I didn’t grow up in a broken home like her and how dad never loved her mum while he adored mine (dad never remarried/went on another date after my mum and had his plot moved so he could be next to her)
I told her politely to leave me alone because honestly, I was just tired but she kept going on about how ‘lucky’ I was, and I snapped, telling her to shut her whiny self up, because nobody cared about her divorced parents.
She did but she left crying and talking about how awful I was, and that hurt a lot.
I don’t know, I feel guilty after seeing her cry, but she just wouldn’t stop pressing. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, she seems way too competitive and self-centered, I think she needs professional help. But to be honest, in terms of what’s most scarring, to me grief and mum passing at 7 is WAY ahead of your parents getting divorced, so she needs to leave you alone.
I know because I’ve had both and while I “survived” my (very horrible) parents’ divorce, my mum’s passing was just (and still is) extremely painful and traumatic.” PlasticLab3306
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, she sounds like a manipulative brat. It has been at LEAST 17 years since her parents divorced. It is time to move on.
She has TWO parents who one assumes love her. Meanwhile, you lost your mother when you were little, how is your home life more stable than hers? I would do my best to ignore and not engage with her at all.” SusanfromMA
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – Those are crocodile tears intended to manipulate you into seeing reality through her distorted lenses – don’t fall for it. Your stepsister sounds like a demon child, and from her lack of awareness, I highly doubt a “stable home” would have made much of a difference in her grades.
Sorry kid, your sister’s lack of empathy is disconcerting, to say the least. Stay strong.” So_Done_With_You_
11. AITJ For Wanting To Distance Myself From My Dysfunctional Family By Attending A University Far Away?
“As I (18)F prepare to embark on the next chapter of my life at a prestigious university located five hours away from my hometown, I find myself reflecting on the complexities of my family dynamic.
Growing up, I have been a part of what I can only describe as a dysfunctional family. My father, a devoted workaholic, is primarily based in another state, only visiting us once or twice. Meanwhile, my mother, who is a control freak, overprotective, and struggles with narcissistic tendencies, has played a significant role in shaping my insecurities.
The union of my parents was the result of an arranged marriage, and their relationship has been marked by significant turbulence. My mother endured mental torment from my paternal grandparents, ultimately leading her to sever ties with them. Throughout this difficult period, my father remained largely absent, choosing to overlook the challenges my mother faced. Additionally, my younger brother (13) has Lowe’s syndrome, a condition that has required significant care and attention from both of my parents, leaving me feeling overlooked and neglected.
I have experienced a lot of neglect and disregard from my parents throughout my life. My mother tends to unload all of her anger and frustrations onto me, subjecting me to mental mistreatment and denying me any sense of freedom. My father, on the other hand, only seems to communicate through monetary means.
Additionally, I faced a great deal of bullying during my time in school, which has led to the development of anxiety, depression, and various other health issues. Given this challenging environment, I decided to pursue my higher education at a university far away from my hometown to prioritize my mental well-being.
This university holds a special place in my heart as it has always been my dream to attend.
My mother recently found out about my decision to move away, and she has been putting a lot of effort into trying to change my mind. She’s using guilt as a tactic, and her side of the family is doing the same.
I’m starting to wonder if I’m in the wrong for wanting to distance myself from my dysfunctional family.”
Another User Comments:
“GIRL LIVE YOUR LIFE. You are an adult it’s not their choice to make. Why does your mother have the choice to cut off her parents but you don’t it honestly seems like your mom has some traits that rubbed off on her from her parents and you need out.
You’re not the jerk they are trying to manipulate you. If your mother brings up that you’re hurting her feelings bring up the fact that she cut ties with her parents.” Uncoiledyt
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. In unhealthy, dysfunctional families, change is threatening to the family members who want to stay rooted in the dysfunction.
They may try many different tactics to keep you enmeshed in the unhealthy system. You are making the healthiest choice by prioritizing yourself and your mental health by removing yourself from the situation. It is your chance to make your life all that you want it to be.” Late_Confidence8101
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Be prepared that they might pull financial assistance for this choice, but this choice sounds important for you and your mental well-being. Amazingly, you can be so poised after having been raised in such an environment. Good for you for getting out.
(And great prose, a rarity here!)” Jeffrey_Friedl
10. AITJ For Asking My Partner To Set Boundaries With His Mom After She Disturbed My Sleep?
“I (31F) am 8 months pregnant, and live with my partner. He had to be out of town for a couple of days, so his mom told me that I could go to sleep at her place.
I told her no because I hate sleeping there as it’s quite claustrophobic and she gets up late (11 am) as opposed to me, as I get up around 7 am daily. I’m also having some trouble sleeping as my belly is huge at this stage of pregnancy.
Anyway, today at around 3:30 am someone rang on my doorbell, I didn’t answer thinking it might have been a heavy drinker or someone ringing the wrong door. But they didn’t stop. I have anxiety so I started to panic, creating all kinds of scenarios in my head, from my partner having an accident to a fire to someone trying to hurt me.
I got some courage and looked through the camera and realized it was my MIL. I panicked even more, thinking that something bad had happened to my partner.
Turns out it didn’t.
She was just nervous about me being on my own and decided it was a good idea to come and wake me at 3:30 am.
She is well aware of my anxiety. She had some trouble changing her SIM card so she couldn’t call me so she came here.
I had a medical checkup at 8:50 am, and some other plans for the day that now are completely ruined since I couldn’t sleep afterward.
I had tachycardia and Braxton Hicks contractions because of the scare. I’m really angry though I do understand she was just caring about me, but I truly think she crossed a line. I did make her know that she scared me but she pretty much told me that it was my fault for not wanting to sleep at her place.
WIBTJ if I ask my partner to tell her to respect my boundaries even if she is caring for my and my baby’s wellbeing?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Waking you up at 3:30 AM to “check on you” when you’re pregnant and trying to sleep is unhinged behavior.
“I am an adult who is fine staying by myself and can call people for help if I need it, don’t ever show up at my house in the middle of the night again” is a perfectly fine boundary to set, and your partner should be willing to set it.” Scrabblement
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your comfort and well-being are the most important thing, especially so late into your pregnancy. It seems like she was coming from a place of good intentions, just poor execution. Her response (blaming you) is rubbing me the wrong way though.
Regardless, good sleep and minimal stress are imperative to you and the baby’s well-being. It is understandable to ask her not to repeat this and it is a boundary that you/your partner should set.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ I worry like crazy, and never have I ever knocked or called my kids like that.
She is gonna do more of this kind of thing. The best thing you can do is have scripts pre-ready so you can keep boundaries. Things like “I appreciate this, but no” and “I only open my door if I’m prepared for the company”.
“I’m afraid I can’t help with that, I have different plans” “I’m sorry, we try to be polite around here and expect the same from others” “My alone time has value” Treat her like a child when she acts like one. “I’m sorry, you can’t come over at these hours to ease your mind.
If your worries are keeping you awake, then call after 7 am to check.” Fantastic-Bedroom208
9. AITJ For Wanting To Cancel Free English Tutoring Due To Unreliable Parent?
“I recently offered to help an acquaintance’s son with their English studies. They live about 3 hours’ drive from me so we were going to do everything via Zoom. I hate Zoom but I’m willing to use it because education is important.
The first appointment he canceled 5 minutes after the meeting began.
OK, stuff happens. He then asked me twice a day for 4 days to send some paperwork to his boy so that we could start looking at appropriate work. I sent the stuff. He received it and they did the work together. The boy enjoyed the work and was keen to do more.
We arranged another Zoom meeting for this morning. I sent him a reminder and the link last night. I know he saw it because he texted me back. This morning he failed to log into the meeting, to tell me he wasn’t coming, or to answer my phone call.
I have gone out of my way to help this guy but he’s not meeting me halfway. I’m not charging him for tutoring his son because he can’t afford it, and I believe education should not be dependent on your ability to pay for it.
But this feels like he’s taking liberties. I’m annoyed and I don’t feel my time and effort are being recognized.
Would it be unreasonable to end this agreement before it starts? I don’t want to punish the son for the father’s actions but equally, I don’t want to subject myself to any more of this.
I’m autistic and don’t cope with last-minute changes at all well, and I don’t want to sacrifice my state of mind for people I don’t particularly know. I’m so anxious and annoyed now that my plans for the rest of today are ruined. I just want to get back into bed and wait for tomorrow.
I don’t think I’d be the jerk to the father if I canceled, but what about the son?”
Another User Comments:
“I’m going to tell you something that someone told me when I was just starting. “As kind as you are, never give your time and knowledge for free, even when you want to help someone less fortunate.
Because when you take out the monetary value of your time, people will think it’s unimportant and disposable. And you are neither” So I’m not saying to charge the average rate, but even if you charged him 5 dollars per session it makes it clear that your time has value, and if the sessions are not canceled within at least 24h anticipation they still need to pay, as you will show up regardless NTJ” time-water traveler
Another User Comments:
” You are rightfully upset over this and I understand your sensitivity and the impact it has on you. However, I think you might want to consider sending an email to the father that they missed the Zoom meeting without informing you ahead of time and that you can’t work that way.
You can donate your time to continue – or begin – the tutoring but the next missed session terminates the arrangement. The boy probably doesn’t know the proper etiquette and his Dad is to blame. If you feel the possibility of their wasting your time again is too expensive to risk, then you can cancel now, but if the boy is eager, you might enjoy the tutoring sessions with him.” Constant-Divide2253
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – you provide free services only to people who do appreciate your work and time. I would call the dad and tell him this “One more canceled or missed Zoom call and I am providing you with the full refund and ending our agreement, I tried to help you but if you have no respect for me and my time then I don’t want to help you anymore.” User
8. AITJ For Firing My Friend Who Outsourced Her Editing Job For My YouTube Channel?
“I have a YouTube channel. I’m really small and I don’t have a ton of views/subscribers, but I make a little money off it.
I have a close friend, Rachel, who would sometimes be in my videos with me. We’re close friends and we always have the most fun together. I love and adore her a lot.
She offered to edit my videos for me, which I thought was nice.
I said I would give her 30% of what I earn. It’s a lot more than what I would pay a normal editor, but she’s my close friend and someone I talk to every day of my life. So I offered her 30% and she agreed.
I might have messed up here, but she sent me a screenshot of her something but I noticed she had the username of her Reddit account in the screenshot.
She left it in without realizing it. It got me curious because she talked about Reddit, but had never given me her username. I looked her up and I wish I hadn’t.
It was just post after post of her finding/hiring editors. Like advertisements and offering to pay people to edit videos.
I was genuinely in shock.
I texted her a screenshot and she immediately started apologizing, so I knew she lied about editing my videos. She said she was sorry and that the work was getting done so she didn’t know how to tell me it wasn’t her editing the videos.
She apologized, but I said “no” and “it’s done, don’t work with me anymore.” She asked me to understand, that she did the work. But to me, it doesn’t matter.
She made it seem like she was editing the videos when she was hiring other people (in foreign countries) and paying them pennies to do it.
It just feels so wrong and dishonest to me. She said I never should have looked up her Reddit account, and sure. But I’m glad I did because she was lying to me. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It’s a good hustle she had going, but ultimately, even when you get past the dishonesty, if you wanted to pay freelancers less than you’re paying her to edit the videos, you could do that yourself, there’s no reason for you to let her subcontract the job and pocket the profits herself.
She’s just ripping you off. Looking up her public Reddit profile is fine. She’s mad because she got caught and lost her side hustle.” JNF919
Another User Comments:
“While it’s true that one could say “You paid her to make sure the job is done,” the simple fact is that you had a business agreement that either of you were free to end at any time for any reason.
Even if not for your friend’s shady dealing, you’re still NTJ.” neoprene
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She violated the nature of your agreement, she wasn’t hired to simply fulfill a task, she was hired so SHE would edit the videos. If a substitute was acceptable you could have just hired anybody else.
Not only has she broken the agreement, her actions were deceitful AND she would have had to give away your content. That is your intellectual property- raw footage that is now in the hands of strangers on the internet who don’t owe you privacy or accountability.
They can potentially do whatever they like with the footage, there is no contract or relationship in place for you to leverage or rely on.” Last-Butterscotch-68
7. AITJ For Feeling Betrayed By My Siblings After Our Father's Death?
“I’m 26 (F). Honestly, I was fighting myself for a long time about this.
I’ve talked to various mental health workers about how I feel, and it just never stops. The feeling of bitterness, and betrayal. Anger.
I’ll start with this. My father passed about 2-3 years ago. During that time, I was communicating with them while Dad was in hospice.
I have 4 sisters (One married in, and one was recently found out through a DNA test) and 2 brothers (One is part of this situation and one isn’t). I’m talking about 5 of them today. I won’t drop names, because I don’t know if they have Reddit or not.
I should also mention that they are all older than me.
After Dad passed- all communication pretty much stopped. I go on social media sometimes and see posts from them. But now more recently, they all went on trips together. Without me. They don’t send me messages to see how I’m holding up, or to even just say ‘HI.’ And honestly, I’m just so emotionally and mentally crushed that they just don’t seem to care.
Recently my health has begun to fail, and well… There’s cancer in the family. Both my mother and father passed from it. I’m trying to get in to get myself checked, but things are getting scary. I’m scared for the day that my hair might mysteriously fall out, or I’ll just be asleep and can’t wake up.
I haven’t told many of the family about this yet.
I know it’s probably not right to be this bitter about it, but I’ve been alone for so long and every time I see their pictures, I just sit and cry. I was always the one to reach out, they never did ONCE, and as much as I hate to admit it, I know there was some sort of favoritism between Dad and them.
How do I even start to move on from this? I’m disgusted that I’m so obsessed with this, but I feel like I have every right to be upset.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“It sounds to me like you need to concentrate on yourself. Your health, building friendships finding a partner if you would like, or focusing on your career.
I know what it’s like to be treated poorly but if you have to ask for people to be kind then those aren’t your people. And that’s ok. It’s not a reflection on you but on them. I believe you’ve got this and will be on a better path soon!
Another User Comments:
“I’m sorry, it sounds like you’re feeling super isolated and lonely from your family. That is so hard to feel like you’re on the outside looking in. It may be best to take a break from seeing their social media (either taking a break from it completely or just silencing their accounts) and focus on other positive relationships/friendships you have outside of the family.
And if you don’t feel you have those right now, perhaps reaching out to a support group (check with whatever hospital/clinic you’re going to – they may have resources) is the best way to get some support. I don’t think you’re a jerk for feeling this way (no one is ever a jerk for feelings alone), and I think there are ways to handle this that are good for you – that unfortunately may have to be letting go of the wishes you have for that relationship.
Therapy may be super helpful in processing these feelings. Best wishes!” MoooosickCat333
Another User Comments:
“Call or message them ranting about their behavior towards you. It’s possible that they don’t know how you feel or they have a reason for not reaching out. It will also help with the emotional turmoil you’re feeling.
Say everything that’s on your mind to them and then if you don’t get positive feedback, at least you know you tried and you can then move on.” ArcaneAces
6. AITJ For Entering An Apartment After The Maintenance Guy Gave Us Permission?
“I went to check out some apartments today in a town 2 hours away with my parents who were visiting.
I had already narrowed it down to two complexes.
At the first complex, there were two apartments we wanted to check out, but the leasing agent said one was under maintenance and we couldn’t see the inside. We went up just to check out the unit at the door and see what the surroundings were like.
Suddenly, the maintenance guy came out and so my mom asked the guy if it was okay for us to take a look inside. The guy says he wouldn’t mind, but that he had painted the walls, so we shouldn’t touch them. We said okay and he gave us a tour and recommended the place to us.
As we left, we went back to the leasing office, thanked the leasing agent and everything seemed okay. Fifteen minutes later, the leasing agent called and complained angrily that we weren’t supposed to go inside the unit. I told her that I understood and was sorry, but that the maintenance person was there and permitted us.
She said that “the maintenance person was uncomfortable saying no” and that it was a liability for the company. I apologized and said I understood.
AITJ here? I felt offended after. I presume the maintenance person told her what happened. I don’t understand why he didn’t just say no to our request. We would have been fine not seeing it, we just thought we shouldn’t miss an opportunity since he was standing there and the door was open.
The weird thing is that the leasing agent didn’t even call to tell us to do anything (she didn’t say “don’t apply”) or to reach any kind of conclusion. It just felt like she called to vent her anger or something on us. Am I wrong to be offended?
Should I avoid this complex?”
Another User Comments:
“Yeah, YTJ. I think this one could be arguable if the maintenance guy had just offered on his own, but your mom deliberately approached him trying to get a different answer when your group didn’t want to hear a “no” from the leasing agent.
This wasn’t the maintenance worker’s job and shouldn’t have become his problem, and only did it because you and your parents couldn’t accept not getting what you wanted. ” TreeHuggerHannah
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but the leasing agent is. It’s their job to execute policy consistently, and they didn’t.
She shouldn’t rag on you for that and there was no need for you to apologize. Next time someone gets out of line like that, hang up on them. Bang, done.” Constant-Divide2253
5. AITJ For Breaking Up Over Forgotten Food Orders And Not Paying Him Back?
“So I, 20f, started seeing Josh, 19m, 6 months ago. We have a lot in common and we have a lot of mutual friends. I started seeing Josh after we met while he was working at KFC. He gave me a free meal and since then we have spent every day together.
Everything was good from my point of view until 2 months ago. When we would order food he would always forget my order or just order what he wanted. This got annoying especially when I would ask him to order me something dairy-free and he would get dairy anyway meaning I couldn’t eat it.
I remember we ordered a Pizza and watched Netflix at my dorm. I asked him to get me a pizza without cheese. He got a plain cheese Pizza.
I called him out on it and we got into a fight. He called me ungrateful and then tried to say he forgot.
I asked if he had been to the doctor about it since that’s a basic thing to be forgetting and he got mad at me and called me a dumb jerk.
Since then I started testing him. I would ask for the most basic things.
Plain salad no dressing, carrot sticks, plain rice, etc. He would get it wrong every single time. So finally a month ago I started asking him to get me water. Just plain water.
He forgot. I finally had enough. I told him it was over since he couldn’t even get water right.
He started blowing up my phone calling me selfish and a jerk. He accused me of sleeping with his friends and of only seeing him for food.
Now my sister Kaylyn, 23f, is saying I should pay him back for all the stuff he bought me during the relationship.
I told her I would if I had been able to eat any of it. Anyway, now I’m wondering if I am being petty for breaking up over water. So AITJ for not paying him back?”.
Another User Comments:
“You didn’t break up with him over food – you broke up with him because of the inconsideration and carelessness.
It isn’t worth being with someone who doesn’t consider something as basic and important as a dietary restriction. I’d say.. find someone who puts care and effort into finding you things that you like and can eat. Don’t pay him back.
NTJ” Human_Vermicelli_380
Another User Comments:
“Unless it is agreed by both sides that something is a loan or is to be repaid, you are under no obligation to repay them later for it. I saw this on Judge Judy many times lol. What he bought for you during the relationship was considered a gift unless discussed otherwise.
You don’t need to repay him for that stuff because the relationship ended. It has nothing to do with whether you ate it or not.” Chemical_Cupcake_100
4. AITJ For Not Sharing My Bed With My Ex And Splitting Rent Despite Her Absence?
“I (M24) was recently dumped by my ex (F23), not mutual on my end but we both knew there were problems. Currently sharing a studio with my childhood bed (Queen) and a pullout couch (Twin) until she moves out in August, and she initially posed that since we were still sharing rent & utilities, we could take turns between the couch and the bed. Given that the situation wasn’t initiated by me and we have under a month to go, I said I wouldn’t be relegated to the couch out of my bed, but that I wouldn’t care if she decided to either sleep in the bed or on the couch and I would maintain boundaries regardless to continue the breakup amicably.
For the first few days, she continued to choose to sleep on the couch and we attempted to be amicable during the day, but she has since left to stay at mutual friends’ places, with her mom, going on trips out of town, etc. We are currently in No Contact with/ minor texting for logistical situations, so it’s difficult to parse out when she may return or use the apartment again (other than moving things out in August).
Additionally, she is written onto the lease through July, so we have continued to split rent (~$1700 a month) and utilities (~$150-190 total) as agreed to (we have done this at all of our living arrangements since we were not married). Despite this, I can’t help but feel weird about the arrangement, especially given that she is not really in the apartment that often.
I very much was financially planning to split through July, but I also feel guilty about it, especially since she makes a little more than half my salary.
I want to be the bigger person here, so I want to get some perspective on whether I am in the right or wrong under both of these circumstances: 1) not sharing the bed completely, and 2) maintaining rent sharing when she is not here.
Dealing with a breakup is already difficult but having this weird in-between of sharing responsibilities makes it 10x harder.”
Another User Comments:
“Dude, it’s a tough situation for sure. Breakups are never easy, especially when living together. You’re not wrong to feel uncomfortable about the bed situation.
It’s your bed, and she was the one who initiated the breakup. You’re not obligated to give up your comfort, especially when things are already strained. As for the rent, it’s understandable to feel a bit weird about the arrangement. If she’s hardly using the apartment, it might feel unfair to split the costs equally.
But, you did agree to split it through July, so it’s up to you whether you want to stick to that agreement or bring it up for discussion. Ultimately, the best way to handle this is to try and communicate with your ex, even if it’s just through text.
You can explain your feelings and see if you can come up with a compromise that works for both of you. Maybe she’ll offer to adjust the rent, or maybe you can agree on a temporary solution until she moves out in August. Remember, you’re both going through a tough time, so try to be understanding and respectful of each other’s feelings.
It’s okay to prioritize your well-being, but try to find a solution that’s fair to both of you.” HottiexXxAngel
3. AITJ For Wanting To Contact The Man Claiming To Be My Dad's Long-Lost Son?
“Just recently, my dad received a message from a man claiming to be his son. This man (let’s call him Jay) says that he has always known my dad to be his father, but only recently had enough interest and courage to reach out. My dad joined the military shortly after graduating high school, and Jay was conceived either before my dad left for boot camp, or during one of his trips back home.
(This was a few years before my parents met.) Jay said that his mom told him that she had told my dad about the pregnancy at the time, or shortly after Jay was born.
My dad says he has no memory of this and doesn’t even remember the woman.
He says it could be possible he got someone pregnant, but he swears that he had no idea and that this news blindsided him. I do believe my dad when he says he had no idea – he is just not the type of person who would have abandoned a child.
The only reason he leaves open the possibility is because this was 40ish years ago, so he doesn’t fully remember the time.
Jay just says he wants some communication (he doesn’t want to suddenly become family) and to do a DNA test to be sure.
My dad thought about it for a while but ended up basically “rebuffing” the offer, which Jay reluctantly but graciously accepted. However, while my dad/parents don’t want to, I do want to know if he’s my half-brother. I’m not sure if I’m open to any kind of relationship, but I’d like to know for sure if he is blood-related. I asked my parents for Jay’s information, but they refused to give it to me, and it’s been causing a huge fight.
They believe that it’s not my business.
WIBTJ if I insist on getting Jay’s information so I can reach out to him?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You’re an adult, you decide and manage your relationships with family (if Jay is). I think it’d be worth making sure you understand why your parents don’t want that contact.
Is it pride (and if so, which parent’s)? Is there something else they know that’s behind it? Is it a worry about Jay claiming inheritance? Then you might be able to unpack it with them, or find a way to engage with Jay that respects that.” DuckWithAnEye
Another User Comments:
“What is your end goal here? Is it just to satisfy your curiosity? You are allowed to decide to look into this on your own. You are, presumably, an adult. But freedom to act is not freedom from consequences. Your father can decide to pull away from you for going against his wishes, especially if this person decides to use you to pursue a relationship/something of value from your father.
I could not imagine my curiosity over a stranger being so strong that I’d be willing to hurt my parents over them.” Ryuugan80
Another User Comments:
“Have you ever heard of those sites where you put in someone’s name and the town that they live in and it tells you all kinds of information on them?
I use them often to find people. Get a pre-paid card at Walmart to pay for the service. These websites get your credit card info and charge monthly till you die. It’s hard to disable their “Auto-payment” service. Once you have his information, then you can do a DNA test. The key is that you never discuss the fact that you found any info on the person.
Never bring up their legal past, or any properties that they own.” Easy_Chemical_2930
2. AITJ For Wanting To Cancel A Water Service My Friend Isn't Using?
“I (27F) used to live out of state. Once my lease was up I stayed with a friend (24F) for a couple of months to figure out if I wanted to stay or go back home.
My friend always has a pretty full day just with the friends and family she has but we still talked every day. Now I’ve lived back home for almost 6 months and I can only get a hold of her once a month and every time we do end up talking it was a whole fiasco on why we didn’t talk for so long.
Now, while I lived there I had this water service where I get the big jugs of water delivered and I rent a water machine.
I let my friend keep it because it’s more convenient for her situation. Well she hasn’t been using the service and I can’t “pause” the service, I can only skip deliveries.
But I can only “skip” it by making sure my bank doesn’t have enough money for the transaction. I’m tired of going back and forth trying to make sure this money doesn’t come out. And I feel like I’m doing a favor for someone who I feel dropped by.
Now I messaged her like 3 times “Hey, what’s up, etc”. Last night I was like “Can you just contact me tomorrow please”. She finally got back to me but she may need to put her dog down, before that the dog bit her, and before that, she and her dad got into a shouting match, and before that, she had to travel to see her dying grandmother, and before that, she was getting into big arguments with childhood friends.
Like every 3 weeks, it’s just a crazy update and then complete silence and I guess it hurts because we lived together and talked and saw each other every day, even when we didn’t live together. And now I can barely get a call.
Either way…I’m tired of messing around with the water delivery account. WIBTJ if I asked, in the midst of this, for her info so she can put it outside so the company can pick it up ?”
Another User Comments:
“Cancel the service and take the financial hit or go “visit” her, (and retrieve the thing).
After all, she is having such a hard time, you could visit and take her out to lunch and she can tell you all about it. And afterward? You can block her and walk away if you want to. You don’t *have* to block her and walk away, but at least your monthly burden connection would be ended. She doesn’t use the service, she doesn’t want the service, she doesn’t need the servicto e cancel it.
NTJ for getting exasperated, my god, how much trouble would it *be* to drag the thing outside so it could be picked up!” YouthNAsia63
Another User Comments:
“Call the company to cancel the service. Text her that they are coming to pick it up and she needs to put it outside or will send her the bill for keeping the machine.
Another option is to send a certified letter. That may scare her. That’s a good option if it’s expensive. You’ve been accommodating but she’s just dodging you. We all have to continue either way in some aspects of life when we’re sad.
NTJ” Major_Barnacle_2212
Another User Comments:
“You would be the jerk. She sounds like she is going through it and you’re not necessarily doing her a favor if you pay for something she doesn’t use or need so having that opinion makes you seem a little snobbish TBH.
Talk to the company and see if they can cancel the service or redirect it to your current address given that you don’t live with your friend anymore.” Professional-Poet176
1. AITJ For Not Wanting My Critical Mother-In-Law To See My Daughter Or Come To Our Celebrations?
“I don’t want my mother-in-law to come over to celebrate holidays or to celebrate birthdays with us and not let her see my daughter again.
I just had enough.
For context, the most recent issue that we had was when she cut my daughter’s hair without us knowing and not having a valid reason why. After that incident, she kept messaging my husband to ask me to take down the post I made about my daughter’s hair journey from birth up until the day that her hair was cut.
It was almost 7 years of hair as she’s turning 7 this year. I posted how devastated I am and not mentioning who did it, also not telling people who commented, who did it.
When there is an argument she always blames me for her son being aloof to her.
She always tells me a lot about how she doesn’t like how she never liked me but had no choice but just to accept me because I was already pregnant. And all the other horrible things that you can think of.
She’s the type of person that always says something bad about everything.
Just like the first week of June when he visited her, she saw that my husband gained weight (bulking season), his haircut was not the usual that he was getting and he looked haggard (he went straight to their house after work). So my husband voiced to her saying that all she does is criticize him and if she doesn’t have anything good to say just keep her thoughts to herself.
Then, she just said that it is how she is, you should get used to it by now, just let me be I’m old (54 only).
There are so many more. So, do you think it is okay for me not to let her see my daughter and not allow her to come over during my daughter’s birthday and the upcoming holidays?
P.S. I won’t stop my husband from seeing her as he wishes.”
Another User Comments:
“You certainly are not a jerk and if I was in your shoes I would also not want her at my house or any interactions with her. But as for your daughter not seeing her that is a decision for both parents to make.
You need to discuss this with your husband and it sounds like he might agree. If he insists on having your child see her grandmother then you need to require that he supervises the visit and not at your home. There has to be some control and rules.” zlp1964
Another User Comments:
“I love the way she cut off your Daughter’s hair, but didn’t want you to tell anyone about it on social media. She knows darn well she did wrong. I would not let my child around that Woman unsupervised again -EVER. That might be “how she is”, and that’s fine, but she can do it on her own.
NTJ at all.” andyjh64
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She absolutely should not be around your daughter with her nasty mouth. No one needs to be around all of that negativity. All it does is bring you down. And she doesn’t like you? Bet you’re behind she’s going to say negative things about you to your daughter.
And she says “Let me be, I’m old.” 54 is not old. And it’s not old enough to be stuck in your ways. She is who she is & she refuses to change. Because at 54 there is plenty of room to change & become a better person.” NOTTHATKAREN1
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. To be clear, Yes your MIL sounds like a bigger jerk. Stop hosting holidays at your house for his side because the minute you ban her then everyone will gossip and that will make you a bigger jerk. Don’t invite her to your home if you don’t want to but don’t try to turn others against her.
Just remove yourself. Where I think you are the biggest jerk is keeping your daughter from a grandparent. The only thing you have mentioned is cutting hair and it will grow back. Good grief grows up. Cutting back, not leaving her alone with their grandparent is understandable but a ban from seeing her grandparents?
Parental alienating is not a good look.” 24601moamo
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