People Get Candid With Their "Am I The Jerk?" Stories
22. AITJ For Telling My Friend I Used Her Unused Birthday Funds On A Purse?
“My best friend is very sensitive about her birthday. I know this comes from childhood issues so I’ve been patient when every year feels like a bit of an emotional rollercoaster. We had an incident last year where I put significant effort forth to make it special but it didn’t feel appreciated. We talked through it, she apologized, and it was resolved. Looking to get ahead of this year’s festivities I set aside a budget for myself to spend on this occasion.
I asked her twice in the months leading up to her birthday if she’d like me to plan something. She essentially told me she preferred to go on a solo trip or if that didn’t work out she’d “let me know.”
Well, she didn’t end up planning a solo trip and let me know a week before her birthday that she’d be doing a group dinner.
I attended this birthday dinner and it took up only a fraction of the budget I had set aside. I decided I wanted to spend the leftover money on a purse that I had been coveting. The week after her birthday we went shopping and I wanted to buy the purse.
She made a comment about how it was expensive. I let her know I used the funds that were unused on her birthday for the purse. She was immediately upset by this and told me that it was insensitive of me to tell her this.
That she now feels like 1.) I could have made her birthday more special for her but purposefully didn’t and 2.) I told her this out of spite because she initially wanted to go on a solo trip and not spend her birthday with me.
We are currently at a standstill and I’ve yet to apologize as I don’t think I did anything wrong.
She remains very hurt and said that since I know about her birthday sensitivities I should have just kept it to myself and been more kind. I’m interested in hearing some outside perspectives. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I do have a question, though.
“I let her know I used the funds that were unused on her birthday for the purse.” Why did you feel the need to explain this to her? It’s none of her business how you choose to spend your money. You didn’t give ages, which might impact this, but she’s coming across like someone you’d describe as an ex-friend.” maricopa888
Another User Comments:
“ESH. Whether you spent that money on her b-day or not is immaterial. She made different plans. She really does seem overly sensitive. But why on earth would you tell her the money had been earmarked for her birthday, especially KNOWING she’s sensitive about her birthday?” Goalie_LAX_21093
Another User Comments:
“YTJ – Your money spend it however you want. Where you’re the jerk is that you didn’t have to tell her it was unspent money you had saved for her birthday. You should have kept it to yourself and been more kind.
How did you expect her to react? It was insensitive to tell her that. You could have said it was money you had been saving and that wouldn’t have been a lie. You and your friend are not very kind to each other. That’s not friendship.” GoodTodd1970
21. AITJ For Keeping My Grandma's Dog Tags Despite Family Disapproval?
“I met my dad when I was 4/5 years old. He is not biologically or legally my dad but he is my dad in every way that counts.
He raised me and is the only parent I ever technically had. From the beginning of my relationship with my dad, I had a relationship with his family, and his mom, my grandma, was someone I have a very close bond with. I was the first grandchild and she saw me as the first grandchild.
She never treated me like I was less than. She never made me feel like I wasn’t her grandson and she used to talk about the dog tags she wore. She wore her dad and granddad’s dog tags every day from the time they died. Grandma would tell me stories about them and how she always wanted to give them to her first grandchild.
She told me one day they’d be mine. It made me feel so loved. Especially because I lost the genetic lottery and winning the chosen family lottery made me feel like I truly did belong.
My grandma died recently and like she said, she left the dog tags to me in the will.
This led to some unhappiness within the family. I have a brother and a cousin who would be the oldest bio and legal cousins. They were born on the same day and not too far apart. So it has been argued that either one of them would be entitled to them but not me.
My dad has fallen out with most of the family over this and he is so ashamed of my brother.
The extended family told me to choose one of them to give the dog tags to and I need to choose one of them because they should not be kept by me.
They do not care about grandma’s wishes. They think she was wrong when I was never legally or biologically part of the family.
I refused to comply and my dad said I had every right to. He told the various family members that they should be ashamed of themselves for treating me as less than.
He told them I am the oldest and the first grandchild. That I literally had 5ish years as the only grandchild before another came along.
It hurts to have my family respond this way but I do feel guilty for causing this fight. The majority are unhappy with the decision and they think I’m a jerk for not fixing this.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. What’s wrong with these people? Your grandmother had the right to leave those dog tags to whomever she wanted. And she wanted you to have them. Case closed. Obviously extended family views you as “less than”. Glad your dad is there to support you, though.
Feel free to minimize your contact with these pretentious relatives, but don’t feel guilty. You have nothing to “fix.”” Robbes_Watch
Another User Comments:
“NTJ your grandmother and father are right. Your grandmother’s wishes are the only thing that matters. They are yours and it should be you who eventually decides who they go to one day but for now, enjoy them and continue to share the stories of their origin.” many_hobbies_gal
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your grandma wanted these to go to someone who loved and respected her the way she loved and respected her granddad. She found that in you and knew you’d do the right thing. Contrast that with your cousin who specifically wants to disrespect your grandma’s wishes because to him it’s all about “me me me!” You’re doing the right thing, she’d be proud of you.” [deleted]
20. AITJ For Not Wanting To Share My Inheritance With My Siblings Who Didn't Help Care For Our Parents?
“I (31F) recently inherited a significant amount of money from our parents after they passed away. My siblings, both older than me, have been pressuring me to share the inheritance equally between us. However, I’ve been hesitant because I’m the one who took care of our parents during their final years, sacrificing a lot of time and opportunities for my own career and personal life.
Growing up, my siblings were always busy with their own lives. They moved away for college, pursued successful careers, and rarely visited home. Meanwhile, I chose to stay close to our parents, especially when their health started declining. I became their primary caregiver, managing their medical appointments, daily needs, and providing emotional support.
During this time, my siblings would occasionally check in, but they didn’t contribute much to our parents’ care. They never took on the responsibility of caregiving or even offered substantial financial support. Despite this, they still expected an equal share of the inheritance when our parents passed away.
Now that I’ve received the inheritance, my siblings are demanding their share. They argue that it’s only fair since we’re all family. However, I strongly believe that I deserve a larger portion because of the sacrifices I made for our parents. I feel resentful that they only started showing interest in our parents’ affairs when they realized there was money involved.
I’ve explained my stance to my siblings, but they’re accusing me of being selfish and greedy. They argue that our parents would have wanted us to share equally, regardless of who did what during their final years. However, I can’t shake off the feeling that they’re trying to take advantage of me and the situation.
So am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If your parents wanted your siblings to share in the inheritance, they would have had their wills drafted accordingly. They did not. It’s a pretty clear indication that your parents wanted to leave you everything. You sacrificed a lot to be your parents’ caretaker.
It’s a hard job that never ends. Your siblings were content to let you assume the burden of your parents’ care, thinking they would get an inheritance no matter what. You aren’t being greedy or selfish – your siblings are. Keep the inheritance for yourself.” MerryMoose923
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. “Now that I’ve received the inheritance, my siblings are demanding their share.” It seems like your parents already ensured they got “their share”.
“They argue that it’s only fair since we’re all family.” Where was that “fairness” when you took care of the parents and they were nowhere to be found?
“However, I strongly believe that I deserve a larger portion because of the sacrifices I made for our parents.” It appears that your parents thought the same way and divided up the inheritance the way THEY wanted it divided. You’re good and your siblings are showing their true colors here.
DO NOT CAVE. They are greedy and in the wrong here.” kuken_i_fittan
Another User Comments:
“NTJ “They argue that our parents would have wanted us to share equally, regardless of who did what during their final years. However, I can’t shake off the feeling that they’re trying to take advantage of me and the situation.” Because they are trying to take advantage of you.
Your parents would not have wanted you to share equally. If they did, then they would have constructed their wills to reflect that…but they didn’t. They left the inheritance to you because your siblings weren’t there for them in the same way that you were.
Your siblings need to stop projecting their own greed onto you, and start respecting their parents’ wishes.” Normal-Height-8577
19. AITJ For Wanting My Partner To Attend A Work Party With Me?
“My partner (37) and I (29) have been together for a year and a half now. Prior to this, he’s never been to a work party with me. This was the first one I was invited to. I am in Pharma sales and a provider invited me to a fundraiser for her son’s baseball team.
It was important to me to show up and support.
It was at a bar, adults only, they had bingo, raffles, food, etc. My partner always complains we “never do anything” when we nearly do something every weekend. He also puts it on me a lot to plan things.
And then if we don’t have something planned, he gets irritated because he’s bored. So I told him he’s coming with me to this work party and that it’s important to me to go to and to have his support also.
He immediately just seemed turned off by the idea but never flat-out said I don’t want to go. He just asked where it was and how long it was. I told him we don’t have to stay long but I don’t want to show up and just leave because that would look bad.
We got there, my other coworker was there, and then another one and his wife. We had to sit at the bar because there were no tables left. So making conversation with everyone was difficult. But we ended up getting food, having drinks, playing bingo, and the raffles to win baskets and such.
So 2 hours into it, he starts asking when they are going to be calling the raffles and such, never asking or saying he wants to leave. I told him I’m not sure but I’m having a good time and want to wait to see if we win something and stay longer, also didn’t want to just show up and just leave.
I asked him what he would rather be doing since he always complains we never do anything, and that we’d most likely just go home and sit on the couch since he had nothing planned, and then he would be irritated about that. I offered to get him an Uber and he said no. After the games were over and all raffle baskets were won, which is what I wanted to wait for since I put money towards them, we left. We were there for a total of 3 hours.
6:30-9:30.
Once we got in the car he blew up on me saying I gaslit him into coming by saying we didn’t have to stay long. That I forced him to sit somewhere awkwardly for 3 hours and that he was silent for 3 hours and that nobody would want to do that.
That I made him spend money and there was no point in him being there. That he didn’t need to be there. I simply didn’t respond because I didn’t have it in me to fight at that point, plus I was driving.
He had a few drinks and I just know how that goes so didn’t see it as a good time to discuss it. We got home and he tried to talk about it again and I was silent, didn’t want to argue and yell.
He then said he was leaving and I said ok, bye. I texted him saying that I didn’t want to argue and yell but that I was hurt. That in my eyes, it came across as very selfish and he made it about himself.
That I didn’t NEED him there but WANTED him there because it was something important to me, and his support means the world to me.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. That man is too old to be acting like a child. He could’ve talked to you there and suggested sitting somewhere more comfortable or even stand in a circle so you could all converse.
I was going to suggest communication but seems like he (and you too a little bit) lacks that skill. Also, he never wants to plan anything himself but expects things to be planned for him? Have you tried asking him what he’d like to do and planning it together?
You could do that.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. He’s being an unsupportive baby. You offered him an out and he didn’t take it. He’s gaslighting himself by keeping himself in a position that will allow him to complain instead of setting himself up for success if he wasn’t having a good time.
“He gets irritated because he’s bored.” Well, if you’re bored then you’re boring. He’s a grown man. Why is he acting like a toddler demanding mommy/daddy pay attention to him? He’s also being unsupportive of your networking event. Most of us have had to attend a work-based event with our partners, whether we wanted to or not.
We make the best of it because if it can positively impact them, we’re happy to do so! In theory, anyway… this self-absorbed guy clearly doesn’t get what being a partner is about and is only seeking out things that benefit him alone. This guy, this child you’ve adopted, is not conducive to a productive partnership.” consolelog_a11y
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your partner sounds exhausting. Why is it your job to come up with fun things to do? Work events can be tedious, but they are part of life. He also sounds like he has a bit of an issue with drinks/anger management, which I have some experience with, and let me tell you, it is NO FUN to manage your partner’s angry tendencies.
I would definitely be reevaluating this relationship if I were you.” Chaldramus
18. AITJ For Eating A Large Fruit Salad For Breakfast At A Hotel?
“My partner and I have been together for over a decade now, we spend together about 5 days every 1-2 months (living in two different countries in Europe). I am middle age and he is 20 years older than me. He is on the fitter, leaner side, I am overweight (BMI 30).
We spent some days together in a wellness hotel recently. I am not about wellness, but he likes it and I don’t mind, the hotel had an acceptable gym and I became a very passionate lifter recently.
The hotel had a buffet breakfast and a really nice, wide range of food, I found some nicely chopped fruits, so I made myself a mix of them about the size of 3 apples, onto the dedicated plate.
I also had a pile of cold cuts/salmon/cheese and a small piece of a baked good.
When I sat down to eat, I noticed he starting to make faces, looking really angry. He didn’t want to tell me what was wrong as others might hear us, but he kept doing it so I insisted.
He told me that my breakfast is what makes him angry. That my big fruit salad doesn’t fit the etiquette of the place – true that nobody else had this big fruit salad, but I assume people just don’t like fruit/veggies as much as I do.
He told me that people will judge me when they see it, and they will judge him, too. Or at least I could have had my fruit in two portions after each other. I told him I don’t think anyone gives a darn, and if they do, I shouldn’t care.
He said that when he walks around, he pays a lot of attention to other’s food and if he sees something like mine, he thinks they are greedy. Also, he is angry that I am not having a (weight-loss) diet. We both agreed in general that I should lose weight, but he didn’t tell me before that it was so important for him.
He also said something about how he finds overeating repulsive in general, and as I didn’t start with the fruits, he thought I would not be able to eat them.
This is not the first time we have had this fight, he commented before on my eating 4 eggs for breakfast, on eating 5-6 pieces of tomato a day (he thought it made me fat), at another hotel he commented on me eating a big pile of salmon for breakfast, with nothing else except veggies (we were the only guests there having breakfast, so it was just the principle).
I know this is unusual but I just like these things and they were there. He also complains that I want more of everything, mostly sporty things. Preferably together, but for example, I am a long-distance swimmer and he is not, and when we are near a big body of water I just can not resist. This tendency was always the case with us but it started to (visibly) disturb him just recently.
At breakfast he didn’t seem to be bothered by the baked goods, he encouraged me to have desserts and drinks, so I don’t think a healthy diet is his main problem, but more of my passionate style in things..? Or I am just an embarrassment.
So, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but your partner needs to work on himself..a lot. I would really give yourself a chance to seriously think about why you feel that you need to lose weight. You apparently regularly lift weights and long-distance swim. You don’t seem unfit.” TipTopC
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your partner is trash. He looks at what other people eat and judges them based on their plate? He judges how you eat? He probably has some REALLY nasty ideas about “gluttony” and overweight people in general. Not the kind of person you want to be with.
You’re not “binging”- you’re eating because you’re hungry. W*F. He doesn’t give a darn about “health”- I promise you this is about control and him being one of those people. You know, the kind of person who is always judging other people and is more concerned with their image than they are with their partner’s happiness.” Hazel2468
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Girl run. And treat yourself to all the fruit, salmon, and eggs when you do. Maybe not all at once unless you want toxic farts, but fart freely if you do! He sounds like a complete jerk and you do NOT need that in your life.
Also, what you’re eating is the same stuff people eat when they GO on a diet. He can kick rocks. With as much as you work out, you need the energy. I wonder if he would criticize Phelps for eating 10,000 calories a day and being an Olympic swimmer.” GottaKnowYourCKN
17. AITJ For Telling My Pregnant Friend To Be Grateful For Any Baby Shower Gifts?
“My (26f) “friend” (24f), we will call her Tami, of 2 years who I happen to work with is currently pregnant after a successful IVF. Tami went into credit card debt to do IVF because she couldn’t afford it otherwise. She has a lot of financial issues and IMO, should have waited to have a baby given she has zero savings and barely makes ends meet.
Her mom has paid for everything baby-related so far (furnished her entire nursery) because she doesn’t have money to.
I have noticed that Tami often expects things because she is pregnant. I.e, says she has pregnancy privilege and has to eat first every day (we go one at a time on break) and if she doesn’t get to go first, she says she has to take an extra 15 minutes.
If someone else goes first she says they are selfish for doing that to a pregnant girl.
Her wife took a week off work to prepare the baby’s nursery, so the whole week Tami called in “sick” and had everyone work short while she was actually out to eat/shopping because she wanted to hang out with her wife and “soak up the time they have before baby comes”.
The following week she actually ended up getting sick and had to miss another week of work, but called me crying because she couldn’t afford to not have the money on her paycheck but also blew through her PTO and didn’t have any. My husband said it sounded like she called me hoping I’d donate some of my PTO to her.
Today she brought up to me that she noticed no one is buying things off of her baby registry for her shower in two weeks. Tami had a friend text her about how she got excited and went a little overboard with gifts, but Tami said she was “frustrated” because she checked her registry and nothing had been purchased. She went on a tangent that she hopes everyone attending the shower (aka me) buys off of her registry and doesn’t “screw her over” by buying things that THEY want to buy because she is banking on her registry for most of her baby’s needs.
I responded by nicely saying that she should be grateful for people showing up with gifts and that it is a bit unfair to be upset with friends for that. I also told her that saying all this to a guest coming to said shower is uncomfortable because she’s making it sound like she will be mad if I don’t follow the registry.
She started crying and said she’s nervous that she won’t get what she wants for the baby and that she doesn’t think it’s asking too much to buy what she wants because it’s about her. She didn’t say much the rest of the day and I heard her on the phone with her wife saying I upset her and that I was harsh.
She had similar expectations for her wedding. Her mom paid for it but said Tami can pay for the bar, but instead she had guests BYOB to avoid costs. She mentioned numerous times leading up that she hoped her guests would give nice monetary gifts because her honeymoon was dependent on it, yet was not willing to spend any of her own money.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, just because she is pregnant does not automatically make her entitled to anything. You should limit your interactions with her as much as possible (it’s unfortunate that you have to work with her otherwise I would have said cut that toxic person out of your life).
I completely agree with your comment that she should be grateful for people showing up with gifts! If she continues to go on about the baby shower and the registry and it continues to make you uncomfortable then you should just politely decline and say you can’t go.” Stride101r
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Tami sounds like she has Princess Syndrome or Main Character Syndrome. Whatever. It’s not your job to be the supporting cast or the chorus line for her. If she doesn’t like the fact that her supporting actors don’t read their lines “properly” she should change the script.
You’ve made your (reasonable) point. Buy something as a gift if you want, or don’t. Stop talking to her about any of this, just be too busy to talk right now… all that extra work that keeps piling up ya know? She can cry in the shadows as much as she likes, but if you aren’t actively contributing to the drama anymore she can’t blame you for her own childish nonsense.” Particular-Try5584
Another User Comments:
“If Tami can’t afford the baby now, she’s really up for a rude awakening as said baby gets older. They just keep getting more expensive – not less. I guess I’m old but if you can’t afford to have a baby, expecting others to foot the bill is a jerk move.
How’s Tami going to pay for childcare, healthcare, baby gymnastics, soccer, random martial arts, yadda yadda. I’d dial back on the “friendship”. I’d be polite and distantly friendly. You can work with someone without having a bestie relationship thrust upon you.” Salt-Lavishness-7560
16. AITJ For Being Surprised About My Crush's Wife?
“I didn’t think this was a huge deal but my friend is acting like I was 5 seconds away from causing the scandal of the century so I’d like the internet’s verdict.
I moved to London a few months ago and my friend Eleanor from uni was nice enough to introduce me to her group of friends since she grew up here. I’ve spent a lot of time with her friends and they’re slowly becoming my friends too.
We spend most weekends together and we even took a spontaneous weekend trip to Spain last month.
There’s this guy in the group who is ridiculously attractive but Eleanor warned me he wouldn’t be interested when I first told her about my crush.
She honestly made me think he was gay the way she said it and he always ignores the female attention he gets on nights out so I really did think he was gay. He also doesn’t wear a wedding ring and he’s never brought his wife when we go out, not even when we went to Spain so I was shocked yesterday when I saw him walk over and touch a woman sitting with his best friend’s wife.
I asked one of the girls who she was and she told me she was his wife. I was shocked so I blurted out “THAT’S his wife?” I didn’t mean anything bad about it but I guess my tone showed how shocked I was and Eleanor misunderstood so told me to shut up.
The girl I asked was also giving me weird looks so maybe my tone wasn’t what I intended.
Eleanor dragged me away from the other girl to tell me not to say anything about his wife because supposedly he’s ridiculously protective over her and the group would quickly turn against me if the guy thought I was saying something negative about his wife which I think is super dramatic.
I tried to explain I thought he was gay and that’s why I was shocked but Eleanor thinks I’m lying so she keeps telling me to just be nice to his wife and not say anything bad about her because it would cause problems for her too.
I really think she’s being dramatic. It’s not like I said she was ugly… I was just shocked he was married.
During the night Eleanor went out of her way to introduce me to his wife but I didn’t say much because Eleanor had made it so awkward for me that I didn’t want to say the wrong thing.
She was also really quiet so it was hard to have a conversation with her, especially since her husband or his friend’s wife were always hovering around her.
Today they’re all hanging out and I wasn’t invited. I don’t know for sure if it was because of this but I think it was… AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Just by the emphasis you used, YTJ. It could also be that Eleanor et al. are reading more into what you said considering you are/were attracted to the man. So genuine surprise (I hope) was understood as jealous cattiness. I mean, I don’t know you, and just reading what you wrote, you do seem jealous and catty to me.” hardcandy8923
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. A man can not be interested in female attention without being gay, or married. Assuming he was gay because you were told you have no chance with him wasn’t grounded in anything except “he won’t be interested.” It kind of gives the impression that you think if he was attracted to women at all you would have a chance and the only reason you don’t is because he likes men.
Honestly assuming he is married would also not be fair. There was no reason to assume anything, just to accept he isn’t someone you should hit on. You may not have said it on purpose, but your tone did come up as judgmental of her, not surprised about his status as married. Remember that while we judge ourselves by our intentions, others judge us by our actions.
Your friend wasn’t being dramatic, your actions weren’t ok. I would apologize, stop acting as if Eleanor was being unreasonable, and try to make up for it, maybe by making an extra effort to be nice to her even if you feel awkward and she is a little quiet.
Usually finding something in common or what the other person likes makes things easier.” Im_your_life
Another User Comments:
“Everyone’s a jerk here. You haven’t shared your ages but you’re all capable of international travel and legally able to be married, so why on earth is everyone here behaving like children?
HotGuy™ is apparently also the best at ForsakingAllOthers™ and KeepingSecrets™. It’s a bit odd to be so utterly devoted to and protective of your beloved but to also never mention her, wear a symbol of your love, or proudly introduce this woman to new friends.
Eleanor & Co. are all being very weird about this, it’s not difficult to say, “Yeah you can look but can’t touch; he’s married to (Name); she doesn’t come out much, but they’re utterly devoted to one another,” is far from inappropriate information to share.
In fact, it’s something that would actually help you mesh with the group because then you’d be able to approach her to introduce yourself.
Either your tone betrayed you or you said what you said completely intentionally; hard emphasis on “THAT’S” combined with your response to someone else where you explain how plain her appearance is are very telling that you hold her in low-esteem for the crime of not being as hot as her husband (which is dumb, hotness is objective) and that you were surprised he is with someone who’s not on his level appearance-wise (by whatever your standards of attractiveness is).
Your response garnered “looks” from people who overheard you. You’re calling both Eleanor and HotGuy™ “dramatic.” You even include, “It’s not like I said she was ugly,” which no one in your story even implied, so that reveals exactly what you thought of her and exactly what that pesky THAT’S exposed. You sure are on the defensive for feeling that you haven’t done anything wrong.” EmeraldAthenry
15. AITJ For Not Giving Up My Bus Seat Due To My Invisible Chronic Pain Condition?
“So, this happened yesterday and I’m still feeling a bit shaken up about the whole thing. I (27M) was on a fairly crowded bus after a long day of work, sitting in one of those seats that aren’t specifically reserved for the elderly or disabled but are generally given up for those in need. I suffer from a chronic pain condition that isn’t visible to others, which makes standing for extended periods very painful.
About halfway through my ride, a family of four boarded the bus – a couple with two young children. The bus was packed, and there were no available seats. The mother, holding one of the children, asked me if I could give up my seat for her and her family.
I tried to explain as politely as I could that I have a condition that makes standing very painful and that I really needed to sit.
Then the mother became very upset, accusing me of being selfish and insensitive. The father joined in, and soon, several other passengers were looking at me, some with judgment in their eyes.
It escalated to the point where the bus driver had to ask what the commotion was about. I explained my situation to him, and he seemed to understand, but the atmosphere remained tense for the rest of my ride. I overheard some comments about how “young people nowadays have no respect” and how I “looked perfectly fine.”
I can’t help but feel guilty and wonder if I was in the wrong here. I understand that it’s tough traveling with children, and I would have given up my seat in a heartbeat if I didn’t have my condition obviously (I did this all the time when I was in my teens and didn’t have my condition).
But at the same time, I didn’t feel it was fair to have to subject myself to pain just because my condition isn’t super visible to other people. AITJ for not giving up my seat to the family and causing a scene on the bus?”
Another User Comments:
“All the people who thought the family deserved seats… did they give theirs up? Thought not. That stuff about young people having no respect is as old as mankind. Don’t beat yourself up, you’re as deserving of the seat as they are, and you were there first. NTJ.” Fit-Confusion-4595
Another User Comments:
“100% NTJ. From somebody with a non-visible condition I have experienced this pretty much exactly before with parking spaces and I know that it’s harsh. TBH you should not have even considered that you could be the jerk in this situation. They made a huge scene and were general jerks as well.” ParkingPerspective73
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – but everyone else was. You mentioned you had an invisible disability, they chose not to believe you. I’m tall, so short people ask me to get things in the grocery store often. Once on a trip after a femur surgery where I was using a regular cart for the first time since the surgery and shopping by myself, an older lady was upset at me that I didn’t get something for her even though I explained I couldn’t do it since I was still recovering from surgery, AND there was a cane in my cart!” Tigger7894
14. AITJ For Asking Family To Contribute Towards Car Costs For Our Vacation?
“My wife, our 1-year-old boy, and I are going to Florida with my family (my dad, my sister, and her partner) for our vacation this summer. That makes 6 of us.
Here’s how we’re all getting there and back:
- My dad is going there by car for a month and coming back by car.
- My wife, the baby, and I are going by plane and coming back by plane 2 weeks later.
- My sister and her partner are going by plane with us and coming back by car with my dad.
Now, since there are 6 of us, they told me, during my son’s 1st birthday (which took me by surprise and irritated me as it got me thinking about this instead of focusing fully on my son), that we would be taking my car for the trip since it has 7 seats and theirs only have 5.
I wasn’t thrilled by the idea for the following main reasons:
- insurance concerns since someone else would be driving my car for an extended period of time
- theft concerns since our car is a brand new Highlander (one of the most stolen cars)
- car costs for about 8,000 km (depreciation, maintenance, etc.)
- not having our main car (we have 2) for 2 weeks prior
- us having to pay more than the rest of the family since they would all save on plane tickets except us
After consideration, I suggested that we could take my car and that each of them would give me 100$ to help cover a portion of the costs, which would still be way cheaper than renting a car.
It doesn’t even cover the car costs and my wife and I would still be paying more than the rest of them for traveling but it would help a bit.
To this, my sister and my dad said I was ridiculous and cheap and that my sister wouldn’t hesitate to do it for free if she were me (easier to say since she benefits from it by saving on plane tickets).
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. What kind of person just decides that they’ll be taking somebody else’s car on a cross-country trip? That’s wild. My only question is for practicality; will you and your husband be renting a car once you get there if your dad drives his own car?
Because it seems like it’s agreed that you won’t all fit in your dad’s car.” ShillinTheVillain
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Nope. No way am I letting 3 others take my car for a month, I don’t care if it’s 10 years old and banged up, NOPE.
It’s also going to be a major inconvenience for you and your wife to not have 2 cars when you’re used to having 2 cars. They can drive their car or pay for a rental. They’re 3 adults, they can split it 3 ways. It honestly has NOTHING to do with you how THEY will get there/return.
If they can’t afford their transportation, they don’t go on vacation.” BreastClap
Another User Comments:
“Everyone’s a jerk here (except for your son and maybe sister’s partner). Everyone was assuming something here. You were assuming your dad would split the cost of a vehicle so you would have a way to get around when you got down there (even though it would only be for your benefit because they would already have a car) and your dad figured it would make more sense to take your vehicle so that there would be room for you when you got down there.
Neither of you discussed it with the other.” Saberise
13. AITJ For Wanting To Ask My Partner's Father For His Blessing Before Proposing?
“I (M26) have been seeing my partner (F26) for almost 6 years and I can honestly say I can’t imagine my life with anyone else. We’ve had the marriage talk before and it sounds absolutely perfect to me, she wants to take my last name, we both want kids and we can’t wait to start a family together.
Two weeks ago I bought a ring and I think she has been suspecting a proposal, we go out with friends once or twice a week and she has been making it a point to dress even better than usual.
Last week I was having dinner with my little sister and my mom and told my sister that I was planning on asking for my partner’s father’s blessing, my mom butted in and seemed really upset.
She said that asking his permission would be showing I don’t respect my partner. I honestly hadn’t really thought about it, it seemed like something that was just a part of the process to me. I know it started as a misogynistic tradition but I always viewed it as showing respect to the hopefully soon-to-be father-in-law.
My brother’s (T) husband asked for my father’s blessing and my other brother (A) asked for his father-in-law’s blessing so it never really seemed like a debate on whether or not I would do it. I was planning on asking this weekend when my siblings, my dad, and her parents and sisters are having dinner together and asking her later that night but now I’m worried that my partner or her parents would be offended by my asking for her father’s blessing.
I talked to my brothers yesterday and they both think it would be fine to ask his blessing but also say they understand how some people would get offended. A said that his father-in-law said he was honored that he would ask considering they weren’t as close as he hoped they would be.
T says that he wasn’t offended when his husband asked for our father’s blessing but understands it would definitely be different for a woman. My partner’s parents are old-fashioned (in a good way they are never hateful) so it seems like the kind of thing they would appreciate but at the same time, they are very protective of my partner especially since she is their youngest. I might be overthinking this but I’m still afraid that this could change the way my partner and her family see me.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – ask your partner how she feels! Just say “hey I saw this news article and I wanted to know your opinion on getting people’s blessings.” She’s already suspecting and probably deep down already knows so you don’t really have anything to lose, and it’s not super straightforward or awkward that way!
If she likes it then go for it, but if she doesn’t then respect her wishes. Some people like this kinda stuff and some people don’t. Best way to respect your partner is to communicate with her. And if she finds out you are proposing?
That’s way better than doing something that could upset her.” ChickenPale907
Another User Comments:
“So asking for the father’s blessing is a really individual preference. It is a misogynistic tradition but so are most parts of engagements/weddings, and every woman has her own opinions on which parts she feels comfortable participating in (if any) and which she doesn’t (if any).
And most of us feel pretty strongly about it, so you should ask a woman close to her who will know (or can find out for you tactfully), like your partner’s sister if she has one or a good friend. It is far more important what your partner wants than what her parents want.
(Ie. if they’d appreciate it and she wants it or is neutral about it, do it, but if they’d appreciate it and she’s opposed to it do not). You will not be a jerk for participating in a misogynistic tradition if that’s what she wants.
The only way you will be a jerk is if you do it without checking if she’s okay with it, and it turns out she’s not.” Capresesandwitch
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, your heart is in the right place. Before my fiancé proposed he went to both my parents and basically said that he was planning on proposing and would love their support.
Not blessing/permission, just their support. I would’ve been a bit annoyed if he had only asked my dad or phrased it as asking for permission, but I thought that the way he went about it was very sweet and it made my parents feel special and respected without the misogynistic aspect of it.
Could you do something like that maybe?” lit_lattes
12. AITJ For Telling My Friend That Physical Attraction Matters In Relationships?
“Shruti, Josh, and I are all in the same friend group, and we’re all 16-17.
Shruti has had a crush on Josh since middle school, and she’s confided in me and asked for advice a lot in order to get a ‘male perspective’.
Until recently, she wasn’t the best looking: she was overweight, had bad acne, didn’t know how to dress, etc. This past year, she’s been working on herself a lot, and as a result, lost 70 pounds and looks more conventionally attractive.
In her words, Josh was always kind and a good friend to her, and that’s part of why she initially started liking him, but he never said anything flirtatious or expressed interest in her face or body until after she lost a lot of weight.
Now that she has, she mentioned to me that he has been flirtatious in a way he never was before, and that bothers her.
I asked why, and she said that it feels like he is only attracted to her physically and not personality-wise. I said that I think physical attraction is important, and asked if she would have a crush on him if he was 70 pounds heavier, had bad acne, etc.
She admitted no, while she would still care about him as a friend there wouldn’t be romantic feelings. I pointed out that it’s the same thing in this scenario.
She got upset at me and said I wasn’t listening to her or understanding her.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You pointed something out that showed she was a hypocrite and she did not appreciate being called out for it. There is also the fact that she was just looking to vent and not really looking for an answer but regardless you cannot read her mind so giving her the answer was the right thing here.” Quirky-Leek-3775
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, she’s only mad because you’re right. That said, you can also point out that self-confidence is an element. Confidence is attractive, and people who feel good about themselves basically project an aura of likability that people who are self-conscious or lack self-esteem just…don’t.” yogor3
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. You are correct, of course, but all of you are still kids and finding your ways in life. Honestly, I think it’s alright to not be able to explain the details of one’s feelings. I think I get her.
Even if she’s probably proud of what she has been able to do, she wishes he’d have acted that way before. They are probably not right for one another, because bodies change over time, and in a healthy relationship, appearance isn’t that important. Hopefully, you can all stay friends instead.
Romance only complicates things anyhow.” tric82
11. AITJ For Wanting To Install A Temporary Gravestone For My Late Brother?
“My younger brother passed away prematurely three years ago leaving behind a wife and three kids. He did well in his career and left plenty of money for the family. Despite a heart-breaking and horrible situation, they at least are well taken care of.
For a long time the thought of putting in a gravestone was “too much to bear” and “felt so final” for the surviving wife and we just kind of went along with it.
But now it’s been over three years and nobody knows why she won’t put the gravestone in. What’s worse, everything is overgrown now and we struggle to even find where he’s buried.
It’s becoming somewhat of a sore spot for me since I feel like it’s been long enough and he at least deserves to have a gravestone for people to visit.
But for reasons that are still unknown to us, she isn’t doing anything about it. There are members of my family who are taking a more patient approach and insisting that we should just sit on the sidelines and support whatever she wants to do.
I want to pool some finances together and do something simple so people can find where he’s buried. AITJ for wanting to go around her and put in a simple gravestone for my bro until she figures out what she wants to do?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It could be that she is overwhelmed. She is now a single mom of 3 kids, managing a household and (I’m guessing) a job. Gradually, then suddenly, it’s 3 years later. I’d discuss it with her as something you want to do not just for your brother, but to help her.
And I like how you aren’t approaching this as necessarily a permanent gravestone but something to help find him until she figures out what she wants to do. Your approach is not confrontational.” uwe0x123
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but the cemetery won’t let you just put up a stone without her permission.
However, if my funeral home had handled his service and you called to request another temporary marker, I’d do that. I would call the wife first and let her know the previous one must have been broken by a lawnmower or something–if there was a previous one–and we’d like to do an older metal kind that won’t break.
Either way, I’d say other family members had asked about it because it makes it easier to find his grave when they visit, but I need to make sure it’s okay with her. Usually, it’s clear if there’s family tension, and it can be smoothed during a conversation if there’s a good rapport with the director.” Independent_Ad9670
Another User Comments:
“YTJ – Don’t buy a gravestone, buy a nice wooden cross or something instead. Something that is temporary and can be easily replaced when the wife is ready for the actual, final headstone to be ordered. Also, make sure that his wife knows that you are willing to contribute financially too.
The money left to her may have been eaten up with debt, bills, expenses, etc.” Impossible_Rain_4727
10. AITJ For Using The Shared Living Room Despite My Roommate's Complaints?
“I’m a 20F living with two other 20F. One roommate, we’ll call her Isabel, likes to use the living room for studying.
She has a lot of work which we acknowledge, but we enjoy using the living room and my other roommate’s radio to talk and chill after a long day of class/work. Whenever we do, Isabel tells us we’re being too loud and tries to tell us to limit our use of the living room to weekends.
We thought this was a ridiculous rule since we also pay for the space, but we didn’t want to be outright disrespectful, so we tried to ask her whenever we were about to use the living room to hang out. We keep the radio at low volumes just as passive background noise but they still complain it’s too loud even when we turn it down.
Plus, we’re on a college campus so I’m not sure why she doesn’t want to go to the library or study spaces to study instead.
Lately, we’ve also noticed that Isabel does not respect our boundaries either. She invites friends/visitors over without letting us know until they’re here or already on their way.
And she uses the living room and radio late at night without telling/asking us. And again, this wouldn’t be a problem if she didn’t have so many rules and got mad at us for using the living room in the early evenings/late afternoons.
So eventually we’ve stopped asking and we either just use the living room or give her a heads up. But whenever we do this we get messages telling us to stop and use it at another time. We try not to be jerks and use the living room too late at night.
And when Isabel messages us, we turn the radio down more and try to quiet our conversations to whispers. Or we’ll just go back to our rooms altogether and plan to hang out another night. Despite this, our roommate is still increasingly frustrated with us and we’re unsure what to do.
Our friends and families are telling us that Isabel is being ridiculous and that we’re being too nice or not setting enough boundaries with her, but we’ve tried negotiating with her and she rarely wants to compromise or she’ll become very passive-aggressive afterward. Plus whenever we set boundaries related to cleaning she completely ignores them.
Are we being jerks by not respecting her boundaries?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You and the other roommates should sit down with Isabel and tell her that since she demands complete control of the living space, it’s only fair she pays extra rent for it.
Then, when she laughs in your faces and refuses, agree. It’s a shared space, and you’ll be using it as such. Stop giving in when she sets ridiculous rules or messages you to keep it down. Stop letting her dictate how you live in your own place.” embopbopbopdoowop
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – a common space can’t be commandeered by one person. As long as you’re respectful about noise at antisocial hours, and not throwing raging parties on nights before she has assignments due, then you’re being considerate enough. If being in the living room doing reasonable activities, like listening to the radio, causes too much noise, then Isabel needs to buy headphones.
I say this as a misophonia sufferer, who gets irritated by reasonable noise.” El_Scot
Another User Comments:
“NTJ you should have discussed this the very moment it came up. By allowing her to delegate use of the living room, you’ve given her authority she doesn’t actually have.
And she is taking full advantage of it. She does not need to be studying in the communal space of your home. Presumably, she has a bedroom and, as you stated, multiple other locations from which to study. Time to have a house meeting and put an end to this nonsense.” WifeofBath1984
9. AITJ For Using A Different Photographer Than My SIL For My Child's Christmas Photos?
“My SIL has a photography business and we had used her occasionally. My family wasn’t overly impressed by her work but I truly just enjoyed having photos.
For our wedding, we had her in our party as we didn’t think family should be working on such an important day for us. On the day we noticed a little sulking and a little rudeness from her and her husband but my husband and I just partied on!
Her gift to us was a gift card to her business for photos.
Fast forward to us having kids and she said that she would take newborns as a gift to us. For our first child, we got like 20+ photos, for our 2nd child, we only got 5.
I kept asking for more photos as I thought it was a bit unfair. I even offered to pay for more. She said no as it was her gift to us. So, I stopped asking. We did pay SIL full price for all other non-gift photos (no family discount).
In the meantime, we had hired random newbie photographers for small quick things and she never said anything to us about being upset with these photos.
But the main problem happened when I needed my 2nd child’s first Christmas photos and I kept asking her if she was going to do Christmas photos to which she never really gave an answer.
Two weeks before December, she couldn’t get a Santa. I was heartbroken because there was little time to find someone else. My grandma called her friend and luckily we got gorgeous photos. My grandma said this would be her Christmas gift to us. And we were very grateful.
However, my sister-in-law saw the photos on social media and is now super upset that we went elsewhere, that we didn’t tell her we were going to still get photos, and that we should have just gone to a one picture sit on Santa and not to an experience with Santa (which my 1st child got).
Started telling everyone that we never paid her and that she did all our photos for free and that we are super ungrateful. She said she would no longer take any photos for us. There is tension between our families.
So AITJ for getting photos as a gift somewhere else and not telling her?
Did she have a right to know we went elsewhere before posting on social media?
And WIBTJ if I give our wedding gift back?”
Another User Comments:
“There is nothing worse than having a bad professional photographer in the family. One of my cousins took amazing photos, the other was a mess.
Someone was always blurry or in shadows and the bad photographer always wanted us to promote her work. The good one didn’t need this… her work spoke for itself. Just be glad SIL is done with “gifts.” NTJ.” Ok_Stable7501
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
She is being whiny and difficult and selfish. Be glad you won’t have to deal with her in that capacity anymore. Even say to her that it’s obviously causing too much tension to mix family and business so from now on you want to keep them separate.” manonaca
Another User Comments:
“NTJ…if anyone asks, tell the truth. Certain photos were gifts, others you did pay fair price for. As for Christmas, you tried many times to get her to take photos, but she was unprepared. What more could you do? And be grateful she will not take photos for you any longer.
And if all of a sudden, she offers up again, your husband tells her sorry, but no thank you. We will never mix business and family again.” Worth-Season3645
8. AITJ For Insisting On Feeding My Niece When I Thought She Was Hungry?
“Super Bowl Sunday came and passed and I got to see my niece. She is 2 months old soon and I was holding her and rocking her to sleep in a chair while her mother, my older sister ate dinner.
The baby was fussy a lot but I got her to take a quick nap by giving her a pacifier, that sleep only lasted 30 minutes, she then woke up and would root on my sweatshirt suckling it.
I tried giving her the pacifier again only to notice she would suckle it then spit it out and then gnaw on her hands. Every action I saw screamed “hungry baby”.
So I get up from the chair I was sitting in and ask “Can I feed the baby, she’s hungry.” They say no and I say ok and try to soothe her, I eventually hand her off to my BIL.
While in my BIL’s arms the baby continues fussing and starts to cry a little, continuing to eat at her hands. I ask for my niece back and while holding her I see her gnawing on her hands and rooting again, and I say a little more firmly “can I feed the baby she’s hungry.” Again a resounding no.
I then get told by my sister and father that:
“She’s not hungry because if she was hungry she would be screaming.”
“You’re not her mother you don’t know what she needs.”
“You don’t know anything about babies.”
“She had 6 oz an hour before you came over.” (it was currently 615pmish when I asked. I arrived at 4 pm so she ate at 3pmish based on their account)
“I am her mother, not you, so I know best.”
I relent, albeit frustrated, and hand my niece back to my BIL and say “ok, but personally, I wouldn’t think it best to wait till a baby is screaming to feed them, especially since you can tell she’s hungry from the cues she’s giving, she’s eating her hands and rooting but you guys do what you want she’s your kid, not mine.” I then go back to my chair to watch the game on TV thinking it was over with.
My father and sister then began insulting me saying I am a know-it-all, obsessive, a jerk, and I have no experience in child rearing (I will say I have taken care of 6 children ages 0 to 4 years old and even a couple of kids older than 4 when I was a babysitter/nanny for 2 years).
My father then said because I didn’t raise a child from birth to 20 I have no say in anything that others do. My sister said that because I didn’t birth a child, I don’t know anything about children/babies nor raising/taking care of them unlike her who is a mom and has a baby she birthed (honestly I think that this particular statement is more insulting towards people that do surrogacy or adoption and don’t have children naturally themselves).
I got fed up and kept reiterating that I dropped the situation when I gave my niece back to my BIL and told them to do what they want, why can’t they also just drop it and watch the game? They then called me a jerk for instigating the argument to begin with by asking to feed the baby and being obsessive about it.
So AITJ for asking to feed the baby?”
Another User Comments:
“Unpopular opinion: NTJ. You stuck up for the kid. If you were truly able to let it go after the second mention (and didn’t sit there with a passive-aggressive face or the like), you didn’t do much wrong.
The tone, maybe, but that depends on y’all’s overall relationship, so can’t comment on that. Also, if your calculation was correct, going 3+ hours without getting hungry is very unusual for a 2-month-old, especially if it’s formula-fed.” NoNumbersNoNations
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Baby was showing all the classic signs of hunger, and per your timing, it had been 3+ hours since she last ate – that’s a long time for a newborn.
And yes, you are supposed to feed babies before they start screaming. Unfortunately, your relatives seem to care more about being right and putting you in your place than feeding and comforting a baby.” DinoSnuggler
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. As others have explained, you shouldn’t have insisted. Moreover, you need to realize that:
- your niece is only 2 months old which is still a difficult time for the parents, especially the mom (postpartum, lack of sleep, potentially stressful time depending on the baby)
- young mothers are judged all the time. Everyone has an opinion on everything. All those opinions are of course different.
You think you are the only one who thinks she knows better? Wrong. Everyone knows better: in-laws, parents, grandparents, the other mom, the people you cross paths with at the supermarket, people in forums and social media… The whole world thinks they know better than you.
You wanted to help, but clearly you put pressure on your sister and you should have trusted them. It’s their baby. And the fact that you say you know children but you obviously don’t know enough if you still believe they are all the same.
All children are different and what works for one doesn’t necessarily work for another. Honestly, you should apologize.” TwinZylander214
7. AITJ For Not Wanting To Invite My Estranged Brother To My Wedding?
“I (29F) have 2 brothers 35M and 45M.
“Ricky” (35M) and I get on really well now that we are grown up and speak to each other nearly every week. My other brother “Patrick” and I don’t get on so well. About 4 years ago, there was a huge family argument involving my mum and dad and Patrick and his wife.
It ended badly. Patrick and his wife relied on mum and dad to watch their kids 5 out of 7 days, went away for weeks on end leaving them, but mum and dad didn’t mind. They love their grandchildren as much as their children. When the argument happened, they stopped the grandchildren from seeing mum and dad.
Dad was depressed, and mum never forgave herself. I took matters into my own hands by confronting Patrick and his wife about how they treated my mum and dad
They turned it on me. They said they would have a relationship with mum and dad if I wasn’t in the picture.
They actually turned around to my dad and said “it’s us or her.”
Patrick was awful, and the last thing he actually said to me was that I was dead to him.
Now here is the dilemma. I’m getting married this year, and not a lot of people know about this family drama, even though Patrick and his wife plaster all sorts of crap over social media, we have kept quiet.
My mum wants me to invite Patrick as she says it’ll “mend fences” and it’s her son and he should be there.
AITJ for not wanting my brother to be there? It’ll cause drama, and I know a scene will be made.
But, if I’m dead to him, why should he come?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It’s your wedding, not your mum’s. You get to decide who gets invited, not her. You want people there who will be supportive, and it sounds like Patrick is the opposite of that.
If your mum wants Patrick to attend a family function, she can host one.” mysteresc
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your wedding should not be the catalyst for mending fences. If it was your mom’s wedding, then he should be there. Under the circumstances, he said you were dead to him, and thus you are.
Dead people don’t send wedding invitations.” lilolememe
Another User Comments:
“NTJ… Weddings are not the time or place to mend fences. Either you’re one happy family before or after the wedding. Not, I repeat, NOT on your wedding day! If nothing else, it’s not fair to your fiance or his family.
This isn’t just about making your mum & dad happy to say what a bunch of lovely group family photos, or a day for mum & dad to feel their kids are in perfect harmony. It’s not fair to you or your fiancé to hijack your wedding & turn it into a family counseling group hug.” northwyndsgurl
6. AITJ For Leaving After My Partner Yelled At Me While Grieving His Dog?
“My (35F) partner (36M) had to have his family dog put down.
He is naturally devastated. I went round to his the day after and we stayed in and had a few drinks. The next morning I got up before him. When he got up he just went straight into the kitchen and was washing up, so I went in from where I was in the living room and he looked annoyed. I asked if he was alright and he said ‘no.’ I asked what was wrong and he shouted at me ‘what do you think is wrong, my dog just died. Just leave me alone’.
So I did, I went and got dressed and as I was walking out the door he asked where I was going. I told him home. When he asked why I said I get that his dog died but he didn’t need to tell me to leave when I was just asking what was wrong.
He told me to go then and called me a jerk.
I’ve since sent him a message explaining that he didn’t look like he was upset, he looked annoyed so that’s why I asked what was wrong. He just said ok, no apology.
I have spoken to a couple of my friends who both say there was no need for him to speak to me that way and they would have left too. But the way he’s reacted makes me think he’s hurt that I left him while he’s grieving.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. He doesn’t have a problem calling you names and telling you to leave. He lashes out at you and doesn’t apologize. He’s 36 and more than capable of managing his emotions enough to not treat his partner like his personal emotional punching bag.
You deserve to be treated decently and with respect.” BleepYouToo
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – It can be tough when you lose your furry friend. My dog passed two years ago and we were especially attached to the hip with each other. I miss him every day still.
People grieve in different ways. But his lashing out at you and saying those things isn’t at all justified. You did the right thing to leave when you did, nothing was going to salvage that moment, and probably would have escalated to a bigger row.
So, leave him be until he can at least get his head back on straight and realize how he treated you and apologizes. But that will have to come from him and only when he’s ready. You can’t force that.” Mustng1966
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – I would have left too.
It’s not acceptable to speak to people the way he spoke to you. Has he ever spoken to you that way before? Grief can make behaviour like this more understandable but it’s still not acceptable and he should apologise. I had an ex who would speak to me this way.
There was always some drama or crisis or upset going on which was always used as an excuse. I don’t know anything about the dynamic of your relationship. But if he does this routinely and always blames it on circumstance, then it’s a huge problem and you deserve better.” ThinkFish5023
5. AITJ For Calling Out My SIL's Snobbish Comments About Sliced Bread?
“My SIL (let’s call her Sophie), is often the butt of the joke in the family for her pretentious, snobby comments and behavior. My husband’s family are very middle-class people, and no one in the family behaves or talks the way she does so everyone finds it amusing that she behaves this way.
She is in no way wealthy, has a pretty middle-class job and income herself. Her partner is a higher earner but isn’t rich by any means either. My own parents are first-generation immigrants and immigrated to our country with myself and my brother when we were kids.
We were very poor most of my childhood until my parents got on their feet, and are very much working-class people. My SIL’s comments have always rubbed me the wrong way but I have never said a word, ignore it and move on. My husband will regularly poke fun at her though as do her other siblings, cousins, etc.
Yesterday she was talking about what food she’d given her 8-month-old to eat and said “he is only going to eat artisan sourdough, not disgusting sliced bread from the grocery store like we were fed”. I could not resist and told her that her comments about bread were the height of snobbery and privilege.
That she wouldn’t endear herself to other mothers by making such comments. I said there was nothing wrong with sliced bread. She decided to dig in and said sliced bread was bad for you and her child would never eat it. This went on for a bit, I decided to not engage any further other than to say that I personally found her comments off-putting.
She says I’m a jerk for calling her a snob.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Everyone’s a jerk here. Ain’t nothing wrong with wanting your kid to eat good stuff. “I said there was nothing wrong with sliced bread.” I feel like there was some miscommunication along the way here, where sliced bread became a stand-in for processed industrial bread, made with sugar and refined grains.
Because slicing ain’t bad. “Her comments about bread were the height of snobbery and privilege.” My dude, this is like the lowest possible rung on the snobbery and privilege ladder. Sourdough is some basic food.” StAlvis
Another User Comments:
“Oh, dear god, you know good and well what she meant by “sliced bread” is plain white bread from the grocery store.
Which is, I am sorry, might be filling, but is nutritionally pretty worthless. If she wants to feed her kid sourdough, or whole grains or artisanal bread or whatever, good for her. Why do you even care? But you do care, apparently, because crappy white wonder bread was good enough for you and it was good enough for your kids, and how dare anybody act like they are better than you by expressing they want something different!
Oooooh, they are so awful! So Bourgeois! How dare she try to be any better than she should be! Foot stomp! YTJ.” YouthNAsia63
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Wonderbread-type bread is bad for you. Giving it to kids is horrible because it sets them up for bad eating habits for the rest of their lives.
Your SIL is not wrong for wanting to give her child better than what she had growing up. It sounds like she resents that her parents either didn’t know or didn’t care to emphasize nutrition and quality food when she was a child. Maybe her health is impacted by this even now.
I’m sorry that you had such a difficult childhood. It is unimaginable. But just because you had it worse does not mean that wanting something better is bad. Just because some kids have to go to bed hungry does not mean that parents who do everything to give their kids high-quality, nutritious foods are some kind of snobs for not wanting to feed them garbage.
It sounds like your childhood experiences left a serious impact on you (how could they not?). Maybe try and focus on yourself and any unresolved trauma that you have from those times rather than worrying about how someone else raises their kids.” jennyfromtheeblock
4. AITJ For Making My Daughter Change Her Birthday Dinner Location Because Of My Son's Allergy?
“My (39f) daughter very recently had her 17th birthday. My husband (42m) and I told her to pick out a restaurant that she’d like us to take her to for her birthday.
She chose a seafood restaurant that we’d never been to. In looking over the menu I saw that the vast majority of the dishes contained shellfish.
There were a few fish entrees, as well as some surf and turf. But there were only a couple of non-seafood dishes.
Our son (15m) is deathly allergic to shellfish. He also can’t stand fish. There were only a couple of dishes there that he could actually eat.
I didn’t want to take him there because I knew that he wouldn’t really enjoy his meal and I was worried about cross-contamination.
I told my daughter that this restaurant wouldn’t work and that she would have to pick a different one. My son said that he would be fine just staying home; that we could use the money that we would have spent on his meal to just order him a pizza instead.
My husband also insisted that since it was our daughter’s birthday she should be able to choose the restaurant and that our son would be fine at home alone with pizza and video games.
But here’s the thing; we can only afford to go out as a family every so often.
When we splurge on a restaurant meal, I want BOTH of our children there. I insisted and my daughter chose a different place and we had a nice meal AS A FAMILY. But she is still a little salty that she didn’t get to have her first choice of restaurants.
Most people I’ve asked say I’m wrong. But, again, we can only afford to go out every so often. Is it so wrong that I wanted to do it as a family? My daughter still had a nice birthday meal.”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ for a lot of reasons.
First, if you were going to put parameters on her choice, you should have told her that beforehand. Second, you seem more hung up on the fact that your son wouldn’t like the food than his allergy. Your son’s preferences are irrelevant. This is your daughter’s day.
He seems to understand that, but you don’t. Third, if you were really concerned about cross-contamination, you could have called ahead to discuss your concerns and see what precautions the restaurant would be willing to take. If that isn’t satisfying (which would be perfectly understandable), your son offered to stay home.
I get that you want to have a family meal, but all you have done is tell your daughter that she is not worth individual celebration. This could have been a great opportunity for you and your husband to have individual time with your 17-year-old — a rare opportunity.
Instead, you squandered that, created unnecessary conflict, and possibly formed resentment between your daughter and her brother.” UnhingedLawyer
Another User Comments:
“Well, I mean I get it but YTJ. Your daughter didn’t get what she wanted for her birthday. Your husband had no problem with it.
Your son had no problem with it. Essentially, you decided what you wanted was more important than anyone else, and would you look at that, you got what you wanted – because your word in law, forget the birthday girl’s choice, right? You were upset about the location choice on behalf of your son, who wasn’t upset about it at all.
You made your daughter’s birthday about your wants. Why even pretend she had a choice in where to go? You dangled the illusion of choice in front of her, then overruled her in favor of what you wanted anyway.” BulbasaurRanch
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Your son was fine with staying home.
Your husband was fine with your son staying home. It’s your daughter’s birthday. But you chose to center a day that is supposed to be about your daughter on your son’s needs. Does your daughter ever get to enjoy the seafood she likes? Or does she have to wait to get away from you and your controlling tendencies and move away from you in order to do that?
Sounds like the latter. I wonder how often she’ll actually call home when she leaves, given your relentless need to prioritize her brother (when literally nobody is asking you to).” ElementalHelp
3. AITJ For Not Wanting To Live With My Partner's New Dog That She Got Behind My Back?
“So I 26F don’t wanna live with my partner’s 25F new pet. My partner recently got a new dog behind my back. Some backstory, my partner and I live together and have ever since we turned 20. We have been together since we were in college and I’ve always thought we had a good and honest relationship till now.
Around 2 years ago I was attacked by a dog, the injuries were so bad that I ended up having to go through multiple surgeries and the recovery time was a little over a year and a half, along with me needing physical therapy. I have had a terrible fear of dogs ever since, my partner helped me through the recovery and was my shoulder to cry on.
She helped so much and she helped me with my fear, although I still am absolutely terrified of dogs it’s a lot less than it was at the beginning of all this.
Back to now, a week ago I came home early to see some dog toys sitting on the couch, I got confused and went to find my partner.
I went into our backyard and she was playing fetch with a Great Dane. She saw me and came inside and let me know that she had been wanting a dog for a while and decided to get one and thought that once we had him I would feel too bad to say no to keeping him.
I told her I couldn’t stand to live with him and I wouldn’t be going anywhere near our house or her till she apologized for going behind my back and till she returned the dog. She told the story to my family and her own and I have constantly been getting messages saying I need to get over myself and to stop being a jerk and let her keep the dog, so am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“Wow. I mean, look, I am a major dog lover, but this is nuts. Your partner:
- knows you have a fear of dogs stemming from actual, serious trauma, but consciously decided to ignore this because she wanted a dog
- obtained a Great Dane, one of the biggest breeds out there, which is more like a half-dog-half-horse
- told you straight out that her plan was for you to feel too guilty to make her get rid of it (not, “I think you’ll love the dog once we get it,” which would be bad enough, but “I think you’ll feel too guilty to get rid of it even if you’re terrified all the time”)
- as a plan b, mobilized both of your families to try to pressure you into backing down (that they are all taking her side is also appalling but a different conversation).
It would never have occurred to me that any adult in a fight with their partner would recruit family members to fight their side for them.
NTJ.” CoverCharacter8179
Another User Comments:
“You have PTSD. The way this is worded has so many red flags. 1. “she had been wanting a dog for a while and decided to get one and thought that once we had him I would feel too bad to say no to keeping him”.
Too bad???? She’s trying to manipulate you to feel what she wants you to feel instead of supporting you in what you do feel. 2. She went behind your back to do this knowing your history and how you feel. That’s selfish, and she chose a dog over you.
She chose something that would trigger your PTSD. This isn’t you being able to get over yourself. This is a real mental health issue. 3. She went to everyone to give her POV, and to gang others up against you. I’m sorry, but this relationship is most likely over.
All of these things are so indicative of someone not wanting to continue in a relationship. No one does this to someone they truly love. I’m sorry.” lilolememe
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. (1) you have a reasonable fear of dogs based on a rather traumatic attack you survived. No dogs should be brought into your home without you being consulted. If you both agreed to a dog in theory, your SO should have then involved you in every step of picking a dog that would be a good fit for someone with your dog-related trauma.
One you could meet first in a neutral place, determine if you could learn to feel comfortable around the dog, determine the temperament of the dog, etc. (2) Pets should not be bought in joint living spaces without consulting the other people who live in that space.
Period. You deserve to feel comfortable in your home. You deserve to be consulted before any major changes are enacted upon the status quo of the living space. The friends/family/SO telling you to get over it are being intentionally obtuse and are the only ones being a jerk in this scenario.” WhilstWhile
2. AITJ For Not Wanting To Tell My In-Laws They Ate From Our Dog's Bowl?
“My partner and I have lived together for 1 and a half years, her parents live far away and decided to spend the weekend with us for the first time.
We adopted Marley, a large dog who has a hobby of destroying his food bowls. One day when we didn’t have time to buy a new bowl, we used a ramen bowl and in total we have 2 ramen bowls that we kept in reserve until we bought a new one (just a few times used).
We never used it for something else, we got it as a gift from a relative of mine, so it didn’t make any difference and we left it on a shelf below that you have to bend down to get to and even then, it’s not that visible looking from above.
We never had a problem with someone taking it.
On Saturday night, I had a health problem that meant I needed to go to the hospital and my partner went to help me, we told my in-laws to feel comfortable.
2.5 hours later, we came back and found my in-laws eating soup from these bowls.
This means that they tinkered until they found this bowl, as there are other deep dish options within easy reach. They didn’t notice anything (the bowls are washed normally).
My partner pulled me aside and said we should tell them that it’s Marley’s bowl. I said no, because it’s better to leave it alone and sometimes it’s good to be ignorant instead of knowing the truth and they didn’t notice and were already at the end of the soup.
She insisted and well, when they found out, my MIL vomited and my FIL said he had nausea.
Basically, they stayed all night complaining that the food was contaminated and it was stressful all day.
When they left, still complaining about this thing, I told my partner that this was an unnecessary drama and that they were completely fine eating the soup without knowing it and most likely felt sick because of the truth and not because of contaminated food (I swear, they were fine until she said that was Marley’s bowl).
She doesn’t agree, she said that they had the right to know and that this is not correct to hide.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. So what, the dog ate out of the bowl before they used it? I am guessing you felt it was OK to reuse somehow and they didn’t literally pick it up off the floor and eat out of it.
It’s washed, it’s cleaned, the dog has licked YOUR face and hands before and you are not sick. Why did your SO even keep this bowl with your normal food items if it would freak her out to see it used as a normal food item?
There are people eating out of garbage piles elsewhere in the world, this is hardly barf worthy.” tictactoss
Another User Comments:
“I hope if the bowl was in the cabinet with other dishes used by humans, it had been thoroughly cleaned. I think the parents got sick by the power of suggestion.
I wouldn’t have told them either. NTJ. Future reference, keep doggy dishes separate. I keep all utensils and bowls used by my dog in a dog-themed basket. If someone uses something in a basket marked Fuzz’s stuff, that’s between them and Fuzz.” Accomplished_Two1611
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Clean bowls are clean bowls first. I’m actually sort of weirded out by your SO and her family. Are they always so dramatic? Your SO couldn’t stop herself from saying something, the parents were way over the top…is this a pattern? I’m aware this is just a blind read on a snippet of someone’s life, but was curious.
Couldn’t help but wonder if she had a tendency to be a little ‘dramatic’ or ‘stir the pot’ from time to time? Like I said, it’s just sort of the 1-2 punch of her having to open the can of worms combined with the parents’ performance that has me asking.” Incarcer
1. AITJ For Not Inviting My Daughter's Mean Cousin To Her Birthday Party?
“So my daughter Carmen (9F) is celebrating her birthday tomorrow. My baby chose the theme of a backyard princess fairy tea party (her words lol) and my husband Matt (35m) like always went all out and made our backyard perfect for her birthday. He built these little tables set up, bought princess plates, and little tea cups and I helped Carmen pick her outfit.
The whole thing was like a magical thing, it was super pretty and Carmen loved it.
The problem is that Carmen invited 9 girls, but not her cousin Emma (11F) (my sister Anna’s kid). It wasn’t surprising. Emma and Carmen don’t have a good relationship and it’s not my daughter’s fault.
Emma is just a really mean kid who rough-plays. It doesn’t help that she’s heavily coddled by my sister and my parents as she is the first niece/grandchild. Naturally, Carmen doesn’t like being around her, and she didn’t want to invite her, not wanting Emma to ruin the party and I don’t blame her.
She did invite Trixie (8f), Emma’s younger sister and this is where the problem starts. Anna called me today, asking where was Emma’s invitation since Trixie got one. I told her simply that Carmen didn’t want her there. Anna got mad and demanded I invite her daughter and said I was teaching my daughter to be a bully.
She said she won’t let Trixie come without Emma. I said okay, she was the one depriving her daughter of a good time, not me. I hung up.
Anyway, she got my parents involved and they’re calling me a jerk for excluding a child but am I wrong?
Carmen doesn’t want her there and I’m not going to force her, but I’m starting to doubt myself and I don’t want more family drama. What do y’all think? Am I the jerk for not forcing Carmen to invite her cousin to her birthday party?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. While including family is important, teaching kids they can have boundaries is also healthy. Sounds like something you should have done a better job establishing with your family a long time ago. You should have told your sister about this upfront, you shouldn’t be surprised this was going to cause issues, but you’re the parent.
You choose. But your daughter has spoken her opinion.” Remarkable-World9396
Another User Comments:
“NTJ! Kids don’t need to be invited everywhere, especially if it’s such a small gathering. Your sister has/had the opportunity to do an activity with her daughter and respect the invite.
It all feels very entitled. They are cousins but they are not friends, they don’t have a good rapport what did they expect you to do? Invite the brat and ruin your daughter’s birthday? Have the chance of something going wrong? Absolutely not the jerk, you are a good mom sticking up for your daughter and respecting her, and above all for creating a safe and happy place for her to be celebrated!
VERY GOOD JOB!!!” Own-Ad-6180
Another User Comments:
“Soft YTJ, inviting one and not the other is a great way to make a child feel ostracised and unwanted by her extended family. I would have invited both children… And then firmly disciplined said older child if she was a brat.
You’re her aunt and it takes a village to raise a child. You’re a part of her village. But you also shouldn’t be punishing a child for things she hasn’t even done yet. No, your daughter doesn’t want her there. But you also have a responsibility to your niece as well and part of that is modelling good behaviour to both her and your daughter.
We include people, and then we only respond to things they’ve actually done. Not what we think they’ll do. The simple solution to this would have been to say that we don’t know that she’s going to misbehave but if she does, mama will put a stop to it straight away.
Little miss misbehaves, you take her aside and say “If you can’t be gracious and kind at your cousin’s birthday, you can go home. It’s your choice, which is it?” If she doesn’t like it her mother gets a call to come and get her right now.
She learns that staying and having fun at a party means playing nice, that you will not tolerate bad behaviour, and that she gets to choose whether or not that happens in the future because that’s what happened last time.
NTJ for wanting your daughter to enjoy her special day.
But that can happen without her cousin ruining things if you take the initiative and apply loving but fair discipline in your home. She may simply need someone to help her through her behaviours but if she doesn’t have the opportunity to do so because she’s constantly excluded before anything even happens, that’s on you and the other adults around her making that choice for her.” TrashPandaLJTAR
