People Are Eager To Gather Opinions On Their "Am I The Jerk?" Stories
22. AITJ For Not Babysitting My Nephew And Niece During A Family Emergency?
“My (37M) wife (33F) and I have no children. We live in a small, two-bedroom house with the second bedroom converted into a game room/’office’ for us.
My sister (32F) and BIL (35M) have two kids (nephew 8M and niece 9F). Both are great kids, love them, and would do anything for them. We’ve babysat for my sis and BIL before and had no issues until recently.
On April 7th, Good Friday; BIL got a call that his sister (28F) was in a near-fatal car accident along with two of her friends. She had to be airlifted to the hospital. They weren’t sure if she was going to make it so family members were being called in to say goodbye and support the rest of the family.
This happened across the state we live in. Sis texted me around 10:40ish that night, asking if I was awake then called to explain the situation. She then asked if I would babysit the kids over Easter weekend while they traveled across the state to be with BIL’s family.
I told her no, I couldn’t. I work in a steel manufacturing plant (she knows this) on a rotary shift and after Easter, on Monday, I would be starting the overnight shifts. I told her that I was going to sleep during the day on Saturday and Sunday to get accustomed to being on the third shift. When she asked if my wife would be willing, I again told her no; since she was going to be doing Easter stuff with her side of the family.
When she asked why I couldn’t just sleep in on Sunday or why couldn’t my wife take the kids with her to the Easter stuff, I snapped back at her that I gave her three reasons why. That one, I wanted the weekend to adjust my shift in sleeping schedules and couldn’t do that in one day.
Two, my wife wanted to spend Easter with her side of the family. And finally, that no is a complete sentence and that’s final.
She got mad. Said we’ll talk later and hung up. They took the kids and on the way, Sis texted me that I’m a jerk for not taking their tragedy to heart.
For not helping them in their time of need. That it wouldn’t have killed me or my wife to miss a day of sleep or take the kids with her. And BIL is mad at us. He prays we don’t have an emergency and need him cause he’ll say ‘no’ and he’ll want ‘to sleep in.’ I haven’t responded and we’re currently not speaking to each other.
Going to add: when Sis called, my wife was asleep to get up early in the morning to do her family things. Our parents live in another state. Our other brother lives in another country. I don’t know why she didn’t call any of their friends when I refused.
So am I the jerk for not babysitting my sis’s kids in their time of need?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ
I cannot even begin to imagine how terrified your BIL must’ve been hearing that his sister had to be airlifted to the hospital. The family was literally going to say goodbye.
An emergency like that is far, far more important than sleep and I’m wondering whether or not your employer would’ve given you time off for this kind of emergency. If that wouldn’t have been possible, would it really have been so much of a hindrance for your wife to take them with her to partake in Easter activities?
I can’t imagine my siblings behaving like this if my husband’s family had some kind of emergency like this. How horrifying. Good luck to you if you’re ever in an emergency and need their help.
This isn’t a small emergency.
This is a relative potentially dying and people trying to say goodbye.” SeekingBeskar
Another User Comments:
“YTJ
This was an actual emergency. You’re comfortable looking after your niece and nephew and appear to have (had) a good relationship with your sister and her husband.
While I can understand the danger of you not having the right amount of sleep before your job, your wife had leisure activities on.
There are limits to putting yourself first before you become that horrible heartless selfish jerk.
And they’re right: you should hope you never need a favor from them in the future.” msfinch87
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. For an extreme emergency like that for a close family member, I would have tried to alter my work schedule or have my wife change her plans or take the children with her. Perhaps the children would have enjoyed the Easter activities with your wife, or perhaps your wife’s family would have enjoyed creating a special Easter for the children.
In addition – for the children to potentially be losing an aunt would be traumatic for them – so for them to be able to be with you/family someone they know rather than passed off to other friends would have been a comfort for all involved.” ChimeraMistake
21. AITJ For Not Inviting My Niece's Mom To Her Birthday Party?
“My husband and I found out years ago that we can’t have any kids. My brother has a 14-year-old daughter. She is a very sweet kid and spends a lot of time at our home so we see her as our child.
She also sees us as some sort of parental figure. She turned 14 a week ago and my brother and I planned a surprise party for her. We invited everyone in our family and all of her friends.
The party was great and she had a really good time.
I also bought us some matching clothes to wear at the party (she loves matching with me).
She posted a couple of pictures from the party, including a picture of me and her in our matching clothes with a caption in which she called me the best mom.
My ex-SIL (niece’s mom) called me angrily yelling at me and asking me why she wasn’t invited to her daughter’s birthday and called me a jerk for ‘trying to replace her’. I told her maybe she is not a good mom otherwise she wouldn’t be replaced so easily.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – OP’s brother (the child’s father) helped plan the party. It’s completely acceptable if the child’s dad chose not to invite his ex to a party with his family (my ex always had his own family thing for our child).
There is nothing wrong with an aunt loving and caring for her niece, and if she and her husband have the extra to give/spend with her niece, the parents should feel blessed to have others in her life who love her.
The child posted ‘best mom ever’ not aunt. There’s a whole box of stuff to open there. Why does a 14-year-old value someone else over her mom? It normally takes a lot to reach that level of strain between a child and mother that a child chooses to call someone else mom.
Then the mother called the aunt to start trouble. Why did the mother not address it with the child’s father if she felt it violated their parenting agreement? Why did the mother not kindly ask the child why she felt that way?
The mother is projecting her guilt onto the aunt because the aunt is showing love toward the child. Who yells at an aunt for loving their niece?” Legitimate_Ad_8457
Another User Comments:
“NTJ for not inviting her to her own daughter’s party since it’s a party that you and your brother put together and y’all can invite whoever you want.
Absolute YTJ for that trashy comment towards your niece’s mom, being that aunt that oversteps and projects onto others and acting all holier than thou. Just because you can’t have kids, doesn’t mean you can just substitute your brother’s child as your own.” doggomother
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. You left out a lot of information here, OP. Who has primary custody? Why was mom left out?
Also, as much as you’d like to believe, she is not, in fact, your child. You have no right to speak to her mother that way.
You need to step back. I’m sorry you can’t have children, but that gives you no right to try and take someone else’s. I find it very strange that you dress her like you, and you’ve started treating her like a daughter.
Adoption is available for a reason.
Good luck.” Maleficent-Cry2355
Another User Comments:
“I’ll have to go with YTJ. Did your niece say that she did not want her mom there? Has anything happened which would explain why you did not invite her?
I am so sorry that you cannot have kids and it’s beautiful that you’re close with your niece but she already has a mom and it’s not you.
I think you should maybe seek therapy. Because not being able to have children does something to a person and you should maybe tap into that because it seems like you’re projecting your aggression and anger towards a person that’s not at fault for you not being able to have children yourself.” Lowwway
20. AITJ For Reporting My Classmates For Their Nasty Prank?
“I (18m) am currently a senior in high school and am part of the robotics team. My teammates and I are kind of frenemies. We get along and can work together, but sometimes I feel that they dislike me and don’t respect me personally.
Two of my teammates – let’s call them Angela (17f) and Jeff (17m) decided this year to pull a prank on me as part of the senior tradition. In the past people have filled rooms with balloons, silly stringed teachers, etc. mostly harmless pranks.
This year they decided to target me to ‘razz the robotics team captain’.
As I was walking into our lunch room on Wednesday I was drenched in nasty lake water, muck, and other pond scum from the atrium balcony. Angela and Jeff had dumped one of the enviro science ‘ecospheres’ on me.
Basically a jar of pond life.
It was gross and of course, I was embarrassed. A few other robotics team kids jumped out and laughed about the prank, took a picture and some actually helped me clean up. Angela also dropped the jar on accident and magically it didn’t hit me or even break when it hit the ground.
I was really upset though. I was covered in gross pond stuff for an unfunny prank that only the robotics team enjoyed but the whole school saw. Kids worked hard on the ecosphere project too and they ruined it (even though it was already graded, to be fair).
Also if the jar had hit me or shattered I could’ve been badly hurt.
I reported them to the principal that afternoon. There was picture/video evidence. They got in trouble and are currently facing serious consequences like suspension.
Another robotics teammate told me that I shouldn’t have run to the principal because Angela is at risk of losing her scholarships at MIT this fall. Jeff could also risk losing his internship with Boeing.
Most people on the team said I should have pranked them back.
I do like pranks and don’t want to damage anyone’s career. But I also feel right to be upset. Am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
If Angela got into MIT then she should have the knowledge that it was a trashy thing to do and also very damaging.
Pranks are supposed to be fun, this is assault and not funny. This is absolutely humiliating, not to mention that they ruined your clothes and also possibly a wallet, bags, and cell phone all of which are valuable.
You could also have grounds to go after them for assault and for anything they ruined.” AtomicBlastCandy
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
This wasn‘t a prank. This was stupid and dangerous. You could indeed be hurt and they destroyed other people‘s work and property just to humiliate someone.
People with such a mindset aren’t fit for an environment like Boeing.
Who knows if they ever decide to ‘prank’ a fellow intern and destroy incredibly expensive stuff and in the process make things unsafe/require maintenance?
This was absolutely on them. The stupid ‘prank’ culture has to stop. Ever since it became popular with social media the harmless pranks from the last became humiliating, destructive, malicious behavior under the pretense of being a ‘prank.'” InkedAlly
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – They took a risk that could have seriously injured you, definitely embarrassed you, and made a huge mess that the rest of the team cleaned up, not to mention damaged school equipment. Screw them, it’s MIT’s choice on whether they’re deserving thousands of dollars that could go to other high-performing, non-jerks.
Too bad they’re not smart enough to realize what’s at stake when doing something rude and stupid, hopefully, they learn from this.” UngaBunga0417
19. AITJ For Excluding A Student From A Barbeque Event?
“I (30f) am a teacher. I have a class with 24 students. I teach 1st grade.
I told my students that we could have a barbecue at a park (with hotdogs and hamburgers and snacks) for whoever filled their ‘good noodle’ sticker charts.
This has been approved by the principal and I teach at a private school.
We have daily sticker charts to track their behavior in school. They had to have perfect behavior all of April in order to participate.
I have one student who has some behavioral issues.
They did not earn all of their good noodle stickers this month. Since this student – we’ll call Bobby – didn’t earn the barbecue I had let his mother know just in case he mentioned it. Bobby would join another class for the day and do work inside while his classmates were at the barbecue.
She has been sending emails complaining to myself and the principal all week about how her child should also be able to participate and it is unfair. She thinks we should make an exception since he has behavioral issues and feels we could be targeting him.
I think I’m being fair because he did not earn all of his good noodle stickers.
So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ
You likely could have predicted 1-2 students would fail to get all the stickers. I agree that a person should stick to what they say; in this case, you should have left some leeway.
You set this up and should have foreseen this exact outcome.
This is going to be rough for a 6-year-old to handle. Being the sole kid to be excluded might feel pretty bad.
The real question is; would you feel good about it if you were 6?
Put yourself in the kid’s shoes; they will hear about the big bad guy from their friends for the rest of the term.
If you can honestly say you would be fine with being the only kid excluded, then feel free to ignore my judgment.” Grand-Corner1030
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. I don’t think you can say it’s a fair assessment of the situation if they were trying their best and were probably close. That seems kinda ableist to exclude one student because they possibly had a few more bad ‘behavior’ days than a ‘normal kid’.
Not all students with ‘behavioral issues’ deserve that particular label because that’s glossing over the fact it’s not always a choice in behavior. To me alienating those students is wrong because it will make them feel even more isolated than they already probably feel, you have not given enough information about the circumstances of the child which leads me to believe you kinda know you are not in the right here.” WoWunicorn666
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. I think this is awful. He’s only in first grade. And has a diagnosed disability. You want him to want to go to school not learn to hate it at such a young age. Pretty harsh for a 6-year-old… with a behavioral IEP.
Data indicate that students with disabilities are disciplined at least 2.5 times more often than their peers. (More so if they are non-white.) Exclusion is a punishment.
Students with behavioral challenges lack important thinking skills necessary to regulate emotions. More than likely you won’t be the last teacher to do this.
Exclusionary punishments don’t work. They have long-term effects.” SpecialistAfter511
18. AITJ For Telling My Partner To Stop Mocking Me When I Answer The Phone?
“My partner works away from home, we see each other maybe 4 days a month. He doesn’t answer my calls, I’m expected to answer his or call back immediately.
Often times he will call me at work. I have asked that he texts me prior to calling to give me a second to go somewhere private & not have to answer in the middle of the open-concept office.
He won’t do that, so for a while I answered the phone ‘This is OP, how can I help’ and he would repeat it. Now, I just answer in a low voice, and he repeats exactly what I say in the most dramatic whisper.
I have asked him to stop & just text me beforehand, or stop mocking me every time I answer the phone. He says he isn’t mocking me and I’m a jerk for getting upset about it. We had a huge fight the last time he called because he did the whisper thing and kept it going when he asked how I was doing.
I responded, ‘I was having a good day, but your mocking me again instantly annoyed me. Did you call for a reason?’ He screamed at me that I’m always dramatic and playing the victim. I don’t see this as me making a big deal of things – I have asked him to stop, proposed ideas to prevent this & don’t nag about it constantly, I just occasionally ask him to stop.
AITJ for being annoyed over this? Should I just get over it? Am I too sensitive for seeing this as mocking?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. He IS mocking you. And in addition to that, he won’t even abide by your simple and reasonable request to text you before calling while you’re at work.
I wouldn’t even answer anymore at this point. He clearly doesn’t respect you or your wishes and instead gaslights you into thinking you’re the one in the wrong for getting upset about it.” Penguin_Doctor
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
You asked him for a few reasonable things and he can’t be bothered to change his behavior.
While some will say this is a childish argument, I think it’s an indicator of your partner not listening to your needs. OP, I’d re-evaluate if you want to stay in a relationship where the other person doesn’t listen to your concerns.” retrozebra
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
‘He doesn’t answer my calls. I’m expected to answer his or call back immediately.’
He sounds like a nasty, controlling piece of work. He demands you are at his beck and call, but doesn’t bother answering when you call him.
He doesn’t even agree to a minor adjustment to make it easier for you to meet his, already unreasonable, demands.
Time for good old-fashioned dumping, I think.” Seqenenre77
17. AITJ For Giving Honest Feedback About My Significant Other's Cooking?
“I (22m) recently had a birthday this past Sunday. My family is out of town and I didn’t want friends over so it was just my SO (20f) and me.
We’ve been living together for about six months now, and she wanted this to be special since it is our first since we moved in. She woke me up to breakfast, and it wasn’t that good. She usually is a good cook, but maybe she was overwhelmed and the eggs were a bit slimy so I told her the truth.
She seemed a bit upset at me and didn’t talk for a bit until I asked her about it, and she forgave me and I apologized. She also went all out on the cake, making her own homemade frosting for the first time instead of store-bought.
A few days after my birthday, the cake had only a couple of slices missing since I hadn’t had any more. She confronted me about it and asked if it was because I did not like the cake. I didn’t say yes, but I just blamed it on the new cake batter she used from Trader Joe’s.
She seemed to understand and laugh, so I felt comfort in saying, ‘Maybe next time you should use the store-bought icing.’ Her face immediately turned sour, and she looked like she was about to cry. She said I shouldn’t have said that and I was rude for saying that.
I asked should I not be honest? She stormed out before I could finish. I was just trying to be honest with her, why should I have to lie to the love of my life?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ
If she is the love of your life, you’ll eat food that’s burnt to a crisp and ask for seconds.
You thank her for cooking for you. You absolutely do not throw it in her face. If she messes up cooking, help her next time. She absolutely did not have to do anything for you, but she did. Honesty is a great thing, but when it’s used to be hurtful, it’s not good.
There aren’t a lot of people out there that’ll go the extra mile to make you breakfast and a cake on the same day and you just disrespect her. Seriously dude.” JesterPrivilege
Another User Comments:
“YTJ, and you’re not going to get nice gestures in the future if you keep dumping on people when they’re nice to you.
You didn’t like the eggs? You say ‘It was so sweet of you to make me breakfast, thank you!’ And then next time she makes eggs, ask for them scrambled or well-cooked or whatever. Do it without criticizing her previous efforts, it’s not difficult.
The store-bought icing remark is extra rude because it implies she can’t get it right no matter what. Absolutely terrible, mean remark. Next time, just thank them. Hide a couple of pieces of cake in the bottom of the trash if necessary, or take some to work (or just eat it like a kind person).
When cake time rolls around again, ask for chocolate or whatever is different. Don’t make nasty remarks.
You seriously lack empathy, consider working on that if you want to keep your SO.” SpicySweett
Another User Comments:
“YTJ
She can taste her cooking too.
If it was seriously bad, she would’ve known. So it’s not that the food was seriously bad; the food was just perhaps less than ideal, or perhaps just less how you personally like it. Like, how can eggs be slimy?
Like, are you trying to say they were undercooked? You didn’t even use proper terminology to describe what was wrong with her cooking, so I bet the problem is you.
Just for your information – eggs are supposed to be ‘just cooked’.
I prefer mine cooked through too, but I’m not about to call up Gordon Ramsey and tell him he doesn’t know how to make an omelet because it looks slimy.
But let’s say that the food was subpar. When someone does you a favor and it’s not 100% perfect, you still act nice about it.” QwilleransMustache
16. AITJ For Hating My Mom For Sending Me To Rehab At 13 Years Old?
“I’ll (20M) admit I was a crappy tween. I got into a lot of fights with my parents, my grades were down the dumps, and I was generally a jerk.
When I was 13 some friends and I smoked stuff one of them had gotten from their sister (It had just been made legal in our state at the time) My parents found out, and they went nuts.
Now I get that smoking isn’t for 13-year-olds, but they took it way too far.
I spent the next three months in an expensive rehab facility for troubled teens. I was by far the youngest and smallest, most of these guys were 16-18. And they weren’t in there for smoking, most of them did some heavy substances, and had mental issues on top of that.
My roommate was a 17-year-old who was detoxing from some substances, and who also had unmedicated bipolar. A few nights he’d just stare at me and not sleep. We were in our rooms 18 hours a day, everything else was meals or crappy arts and crafts.
It was awful, but it worked, I was too terrified to have friends, much less do substances.
I wanted to go no contact with my family at 18, but my therapist encouraged me to repair our relationship. We have a rocky one, which is why I moved out, but we’ve been working on healing and it’s been cordial. I was over there for easter with the whole family, and my mom congratulated me.
She said she was so thankful she had me sent to ‘get help’ as a kid, otherwise, I’d just be some junkie. But now I’m a perfectly functioning member of society. I lost it, I called her several things, including jerk, and left. My sister (18F) said that while she agrees, I’m just hurting myself by holding on to so much anger over what happened.”
Another User Comments:
“I would say NTJ based on the fact you smoked once and were sent to rehab for it… It may have helped you get rid of some trashy behavior, but rehab at that age for just that is too extreme, in my opinion.
Your mother overreacted and exaggerated so I understand why you blew up.
The only advice I will give you is to perhaps write a letter to your mother about how you felt about what she said. This way, you avoid getting into a yelling match without being able to express how you feel properly.
Whatever she does with it is up to her, but what she does can certainly make or break this relationship.” FluffySleepingAlpaca
Another User Comments:
“I think you may need a new therapist. NTJ. If your therapist doesn’t change his position on reconciliation with your mother after you tell him about this incident, you definitely need a new therapist. Your sister agrees you were right, and anger does prevent healing.
If the only way to start to release that anger is to go low or have no contact, then that is what you need to do, with the help of your current therapist or a new one. Good luck!” JewelCatLady
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. From the things you’ve listed, none sound like some terrible unmanageable issues, more like standard tween/teen stuff. And one smoke? Please. Your parents overreacted and funded your trauma. While perhaps you could have been less insulting to your mother, blowing up at her doesn’t make you the jerk.
What she said is no different from an abuser saying ‘See, my beatings toughened you up.'” katbelleinthedark
15. AITJ For Giving My Cousin Honest Opinions About Her Wedding?
“I (23F) have a cousin (25F) that I’ve been close with all of my life. The best memories I have in life are with her and she’s been my travel buddy ever since we were young.
She grew up in a different lifestyle than me, as I had a single mom really doing everything she could to finish school and make sure I had a good life, and a financially unstable father growing up. My cousin had everything provided for her, very financially supportive/inclined parents, even until she started working in the real world after college.
I honestly see this as a blessing for her and it’s a life I’d want to provide for my kids, but I also want to be able to teach them to be humble and considerate of everyone.
Here’s the point: She’s getting married and asked me to be her bridesmaid, which made me cry because I love her so much and am ecstatic to be by her side on her special day.
The plans began for it to be early next year, local, and there would be around 200 people invited. We talked a couple of weeks after and now she wants to elope, which I’m super supportive of, as that’s something I want to do as well.
The thing is, where she wants to elope is suuuuuuper pricey to fly to (it’s a domestic flight within the States) and she wants it to be THIS August. She has close family members that might not be able to go and is projecting the stress, as some of my side of the family has big things planned too (school, month-long trips, etc).
She’s getting frustrated because not everyone can be there and she seems to be expecting everyone to drop everything for her persistence. It is HER wedding and I emphasized to her she can do what she wants to do, but at least be considerate of people’s situations.
I also told her to sit down and think if she wants her day with more people that love her, or if she just wants to say screw it and who comes, comes. I also expressed that I don’t expect her to understand, as she’s had an overwhelming amount of support all her life.
She hasn’t responded to me and I’m not sure I overstepped.
Am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“I feel like people have started using elope to describe when they want to have a wedding but not be held responsible for any hosting responsibilities or expenses.
She is not using the word correctly – she wants a short-notice destination wedding, not an elopement. But overall – your cousin can invite people but it is up to them whether they attend. I don’t think it was wrong to point that out, but honestly, it’s not your responsibility to make her see reason from now on since she seems unwilling to entertain any other points of view but her own.
NTJ.” SnooPets8873
Another User Comments:
“NTJ at all. One of the most important things that real friends do for each other is provide reality checks. Yeah, we’re there to support each other, but support, honest support, means real feedback when we’re starting to stumble and act like fools.
Believe me, I’d far rather have a loving sit-down from a friend who cares about me than have people out in public telling me I’m a fool when I show my butt out there, which is what happens when the people who love you DON’T intervene.
Couple things. What your cousin is talking about ISN’T eloping. Eloping is when the bride and groom and maybe a witness or two go off for a private wedding – it’s done to cut costs, to cut drama, to get it DONE, for a lot of different reasons, but it’s usually pretty simple, pretty quick, and not a big production.
What your cousin is talking about is a destination wedding, and those usually come with the understanding (or they should) that not everyone is going to be able to make it. That’s the price of having one of those – you get the fancy destination, but you lose some of the guests you might have wanted there.
And you DON’T get to kvetch.
And – no shade here, kiddo. It’s ecstatic. By the way – the way you talk about your mom is really sweet. I bet you’ll be a great mom when you get there. It sounds like you’re already a great friend.” Gennywren
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, if she’s that privileged she should be able to handle other people being aware of it. Rich people just get endlessly coddled and it’s so gross. If she has problems with her self-consciousness about being wealthy, she can afford therapy.
Shame on her for making you feel inappropriate for being direct.” Solid_Chemist_3485
14. WIBTJ If I Give My Daughter's Cat Away If She Doesn't Help In Taking Care Of It?
“Just before my ex and I separated, our 17-year-old cat had to be put down. Our daughter (9) was devastated as she considered this quiet, old cat ‘hers,’ as my ex and I each had our own dog at the time.
Two months later, my daughter and I moved out of the family home and several states away. I figured a low-key pet of her own, another cat, would help her through the transition of her parents splitting up, moving away, starting at a new school, etc.
In my search for a new cat or kitten, I had seen two kittens that I loved (because you can’t get just one kitten). By the time I was able to get to the adoption center, one of the kittens had already been adopted, so I was resigned to getting just the one.
My daughter and I went to the adoption event where she got to hold the male kitten I was interested in. It was a busy Saturday in a Petsmart with a dozen puppies in cages also for adoption, and the kitten was none too pleased, so he hissed at my daughter.
She immediately was no longer interested in this male kitten, but I was determined to get him. There was a female kitten (sister to the male I wanted) that rubbed herself along the side of the crate and was purring loudly as my daughter placed her hand there.
So, we ended up walking out with two kittens (cause you can’t get just one!).
We’ve now had the cats for almost two years. The male is undeniably more so ‘my’ cat, while the female loves my daughter. This cat sleeps with her at night and, in general, just hangs out with her a lot more.
In therapy, my daughter says that this cat (and the dog she ended up getting post-divorce) really helps her feel happy when she is sad. This issue is that for the past 8 months or so, my daughter’s cat will not use the litter box to poop in instead, preferring to d******e on the floor right next to the litter box.
At first, I moved a litter box to the area she was pooping (in the kitchenette). When that didn’t solve the issue, I placed both litter boxes there. When that didn’t solve the issue, I switched from pellet litter to Skoon (a pebble-type litter).
She didn’t take to the litter change, so I tried Skoon’s fine grain. Nope. I’ve changed the litter two more times. She’s still not pooping in the litter box. Mind you, she has always used the box, no matter the litter type to urinate.
My last resort has been to tape down aluminum foil to cover the ground where she generally poops.
I am sick and tired of cleaning the floor every day, only for it to be pooped on again in a few hours.
It’s absolutely disgusting and embarrassing. I told my daughter that I am no longer cleaning up after her cat and that if she doesn’t stay on top of cleaning it up, the cat is going to have to go. I am at my wit’s end…
So, WIBTJ if I gave her cat away?”
Another User Comments:
“YWBTJ if you gave away your daughter’s pet. Not only does she love her cat, but she even told her therapist her cat helps her feel happy.
When you get a pet, that’s a commitment.
It’s one thing if you are in a situation where you cannot afford a pet or have lost housing but that’s not the case here.
It’s your responsibility to try every single option.
Your first step should be a trip to the vet, a lot of things can cause cats to do this including illness.
Cats rarely show signs of illness or pain, so you might not see other signs of illness. If you’re low on funds, you can Google low-cost vets in your area.
You should also try putting litter boxes in multiple rooms. One in your daughter’s room, one in the kitchen, one in the living room, etc. (you should always have one more litter box than the number of cats you have, so if you have 2 cats you should have 3 litter boxes).
The reason you are putting them in multiple rooms is that cats are territorial about their litter boxes even if they don’t seem to be. You can also make sure the litter box isn’t near her food and water or scoop the litter boxes daily.
Make sure you aren’t using scented litter.
If you’re not feeding them wet food, add wet food to their diet, constipation can cause going to the restroom outside of the box.” gooseylucyless
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. The cat is actually keeping clean.
She poops next to the litter tray so figure out what is wrong with the tray – you’ve tried a lot of things but she still has an issue. We ended up with a pet who’d only poop after a scare in concealed place – under a coffee table with front paws resting on a beam.
She was very clean – woke you to be escorted to her poop place. Another wouldn’t poop where another did. The recommendation as cat poop is horrible to handle is to try a utility tray and tape down puppy pads to it.
But the cat is your daughter’s pet, bonded to her. How would your daughter and your cat feel if you gave away their friend and kept your cat? Your daughter was emotionally badly affected when her cat died. How much pain and anger directed at yourself if you gave away her friend, her confidant, her bed companion?
It could wreck your relationship with her. But she is old enough to help, not take full responsibility, with looking after her cat.” Timely_Egg_6827
Another User Comments:
“YWBTJ
At a minimum, talk to your vet and see what guidance you can get on the issue.
It would be cruel to remove a cat from its home and to take your daughter’s pet away because of this, even if it continued to do it. Your daughter is too young to reliably clean up right away every time this happens.
In the meantime, puppy pads might be helpful in feeling less ick when you clean it (you can just throw them away, no real cleaning involved).” User
Yes, poop is gross, but you literally must have had to deal with it more than once in all the time you’ve had pets, like this isn’t a new phenomenon for you. It comes with having animals! Also your daughter is bonded to her cat, which could be considered an emotional support animal for her since even you acknowledge that spending time with her cat calms her down. Pets are a lifetime commitment, not a toy you toss aside if they annoy you. Getting rid of the cat would be cruel to the cat too, since you don’t know what kind of situation she would end up in.
13. AITJ For Rejecting A Guy And Being Mad At His Remark?
“A few days ago, I (19F) blew up on my friend Sarah’s (19) brother Jake (20M).
Sarah held a party at her house, and I decided to stay and help her clean up and stay the night, which turned out to be a big mistake. For context, Jake has always been weird towards me, making comments about my appearance every time I was near him for years, even after I tried telling him that I was gay.
I’ve been out to my friends and parents for a year, but my parents never fully accepted it and grew distant after I told them.
Eventually, after cleaning up, I sat down on the couch, and he decided to sit next to me and start talking.
At first, we discussed normal topics like school, but it quickly turned into my love life. I already saw where this was going but thought it would be rude to change the topic or leave. As expected, he asked if I had a man, and I said no. He then said he liked me and asked me out.
I politely told him no, and he responded, ‘My life would be so much easier if I were gay; then, I wouldn’t get rejected by girls.’
I immediately blew up on him, saying that he was lucky he never had to experience not being able to tell parents about a crush that they asked about because they thought it was gross, or not being able to introduce them to a partner because he knew that they would always want them to be of the opposite gender.
I went on to mention more things but at this point, I was crying and stopped. He just sat there shocked and didn’t say anything, so I just left and went home.
The next morning, I received texts from Jake’s friends saying that I was a jerk for breaking Jake’s heart and blowing up on him.
I haven’t responded yet. I don’t know if I should feel bad or not. Jake purposely interrupted me anytime he flirted with me, and I tried to tell him that I was gay, but I probably shouldn’t have blown up on him.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. In the future, please pay more attention when you feel pressured to violate a safety boundary ‘to be polite.’ He has consistently ignored your romantic disinterest and lack of consent to pursue a relationship.
He is angry that real-life you are deviating from the script in his head for his imaginary version of a compliant interested heterosexual ‘you.’ That’s 100% a ‘him’-problem. The intensity of his anger and disappointment speaks only to his dedication to his imaginary world and insistence that women bend to align with it.” curious382
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You lost your patience after years of him being annoying, it’s understandable when he interrupts you when you were talking and you’ve tried more than once to tell him you were gay.
And this is nonsense: ‘Jake’s friends saying that I was a jerk for breaking Jake’s heart.’
You’re gay. Jake and his friends are delusional — what did they think you were going to do, pretend you weren’t gay so that Jake could go out with you? Nonsense. There was never even going to be a glimmer of hope you’d feel the same way about him because he’s a man and you’re a gay woman.
If Jake’s friends are saying that you were a jerk for breaking his heart, then in some way they hold you responsible but you must understand that you are not; you’re not responsible for someone else’s feelings.
And also, since you’re gay, you never could have been responsible for his heart in the way that he wanted you to be. You can’t help that he had feelings for you — you rejected him politely, and his answering comment was immature and ignorant.
You shouldn’t feel bad for what you said. I would’ve lost my patience at the same point. As a gay woman myself I’ve been in this very same position and honestly, sometimes being absolutely blunt about it is the only way that the message will get through.
I’ve had men flat-out disbelieve me, tell me they could turn me straight (as if it was some kind of switch), or that I just hadn’t found the right man, etc. Sometimes the bluntness is necessary and it sounded like it was in this case.
And maybe Jake doesn’t want to hear it but perhaps it is his personality that means he’s getting rejected by girls. Being gay wouldn’t make that easier.” booksandmints
Another User Comments:
“Definitely NTJ! I get that he didn’t know you weren’t interested in men, but he should have still taken a hint.
Since he’s flirted with you before and since you aren’t into him, I’m guessing you probably didn’t flirt back. Any guy who actually cares about not making people uncomfortable and who cares about not getting rejected should take a hint and stop flirting if the person isn’t flirting back.
Let alone proceed to ask them out!
Also, him saying his life would be easier if he was gay because he wouldn’t get rejected by girls is giving off ‘nice’ guy vibes. Also, he should know that if you had been interested and had said yes that you don’t go out with your sister’s friend because stuff can get messy and potentially ugly.
But all he was thinking of was sleeping with you.” Cool-Direction-2791
12. AITJ For Telling My Partner To Stop Driving And Just Take Public Transport?
“I (28M) told my partner (26F) that she should stop driving and take public transport as she is a trash driver after she crashed our car.
She got upset at me and called me a jerk but I don’t think I am and think it is a safety issue. She also got mad at me because I called her dumb when the accident happened and hung up and said that I should have asked if she was ok.
She was obviously ok as it was at low speed so I did not see the point in asking.
She has had 4 accidents now since she started driving. When she was 18, she rear-ended a van. 3 years ago she scraped the front bumper against a post while parking.
A year ago she rear-ended another car (she claims it is excusable since the car in front of her also rear-ended the car in front of it first but insurance put her at fault) and yesterday she backed into a car while coming out of a parking lot.
I have only had 2 accidents and both were not my fault. Once when a lady rear-ended me and another time when some high school girl ran a stop sign and t-boned me.
I don’t think telling her she should not drive makes me a jerk since she had 4 accidents that were all her fault.
She claims it is not that bad and downplays it and claims to be a good driver and that those were just minor things.”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ
You should not insult your partner. It’s disrespectful and won’t help the situation.
She likely already feels terrible immediately following an accident. She doesn’t need to be called dumb. Apologize to her, if you haven’t already.
Have you tried to problem-solve at all or did you immediately ban her from the car? Driving is a skill.
It can be improved. Try compassionately discussing it with her and see how you can help. Ask her what she thinks is causing the accidents. Many things can affect someone’s driving like anxiety, vision issues, and ADHD. She isn’t doomed to be a bad driver eternally.
If you figure out the problem, you two can likely solve it.” DistrictHot1695
Another User Comments:
“YTJ, no doubt in my mind.
Insulting her immediately after an accident automatically puts you in that position, but none of her accidents sound bad enough that her ‘poor driving skills’ would make driving hazardous to her health.
Now, if all four of those accidents were near fatal ones or caused any health issues, I’d agree that’s a conversation you should be having, with carefully chosen words to ensure they know you’re coming from a place of worry for their health and safety.
But since it doesn’t sound like it’s your concern at all, admit you were being bullheaded and idiotic, hope she accepts your apology and doesn’t break up with you, and shelve any notion of having her give up her license and driving privileges until AND ONLY IF she develops health issues that makes driving an unsafe thing for her to do.” Starthatshootsyou
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. And probably also a misogynist. She has had two more accidents than you. But you don’t think of yourself as dumb and a trash driver. It would take just two days like the two you’ve already had for you to have as many accidents as her.
You probably are primed to see your accidents as accidents, but hers as negligence, because our patriarchal culture tells you that women are bad drivers. You’re the jerk. She deserves better. I hope she leaves you.” Glum-Substance-3507
11. AITJ For Refusing To Stay On The Lease For Another Two Months?
“So my roommate and I have been staying in a 2-bedroom apartment for about 4 years now. I am a student and she works. When I first moved in, we agreed to split rent so that I pay just a bit less than her, because she couldn’t find anyone else.
This was supposed to be a temporary 6-month arrangement, but after 6 months were done, she said that she would like to keep being roommates, which then turned into 4 years of this arrangement.
From my end, I was really conscious of the inequality and tried to equalize it by doing all the housework (which she used to use a cleaning service for), and other things such as letting her take up almost all the common storage spaces in the house.
Once, when I got an internship and had to leave for 3 months, I kept paying rent because she had a health issue and I wanted to help out and she wouldn’t be able to find someone else in time. Every time the lease came up for renewal, I would tell her that I will move out, but she stopped me every time, saying she doesn’t mind continuing.
For the past 1.5 – 2 years or so, I have been facing major issues due to her behavior. She keeps the volume on the TV really loud, or talks on the phone at all hours of the night, disturbing my sleep.
There hasn’t been a single week these past 6 months that I can say I slept properly, and it really affects my ability to study. I have repeatedly told her to please close the door of her bedroom or lower the volume, which she will do, but the next day she forgets again.
This is among other things such as occupying the washer-dryer all the time, never putting away anything in the kitchen, blocking my doorway with her stuff, etc. Basically being so inconsiderate it feels like she has actually forgotten that there is another human being living here.
And I keep feeling hesitant to ask her to correct these things since she pays a bit more.
We are on a month-to-month lease, and our landlord suddenly announced a crazy high price increase starting the next month. I immediately told her I am going to move out and started looking.
Luckily, I found something within my budget in a week. The same day I found this, my roommate told me she wanted me to stay for 2 more months since she needed that time to find someone to replace me and she offered to take on the rent increase by herself.
I offered to pay the next month’s higher rent even though that would lead to an overlap of rent with my new place. But I didn’t want to let go of the offer that I had received, so I can’t stay for 2 months.
Since then she has been crying, messaging, and shouting at me every day and accusing me of screwing her over and being an ungrateful jerk after all she has done for me. I’m trying my best to do her justice without having to let go of the offer for the new place that I got.
Am I a jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. While I totally get why you would feel bad, it really isn’t your responsibility to maintain your roommate’s finances.
The living situation you’ve described is not ideal and it sounds like you’ve just been living with her out of guilt.
You let her know that you would be moving as soon as the rent was increased and as I’m assuming you didn’t find a place to move into the next day, she has some time to find a new roommate if she wants.
It sounds like she is just trying to take advantage of how you feel indebted to her for providing you with a place to live all these years. Please know that even if you were paying less in rent you were doing her a favor.
As you said in the beginning, she couldn’t find anyone else and I would say you went above and beyond what a slight difference in rent would ask for.
Enjoy your new apartment OP!” boom-boom-bryce
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
She’s not a good roommate. It’s very nice of you to pay double rent to help her out but she needs to figure this out on her own like you did for yourself. Anyone renting ALWAYS needs to be considering that it may be time to look for something else and move, especially when the lease is coming due.
Move on and get on with your life. Her problems are not your problems any longer.” KarmaWillGetYa
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
On the contrary, ex-roommate seems like one.
You seem to have gone out of your way for her on multiple occasions… You may have not been paying rent 50/50 but you were thoughtful and tried to balance it out in other ways so it’d be fairer for her, etc. Her not managing her finances properly shouldn’t be your responsibility/concern in any way, nor you should feel any guilt.
You already had to deal with it for 4 years.
Glad you got out of there (Side note: maybe instead of yelling at you etc, ex-roomie could put all that energy into figuring out what to do w the situation she put herself into).” Bitshcuit
10. AITJ For Grounding My Stepson For Telling My Son I'm Not His Real Dad?
“With my late wife, I have 3 kids (12F, J 11M, and 7F). My late wife passed away when our youngest was 7 months old. I have always known that J is biologically not mine. We temporarily split just after our eldest was born, we were both young and stupid at the time.
During the split, she had a one-night stand which resulted in J. We reconciled just before she found out she was pregnant. It is clear that he is not mine biologically, he is white with light brown hair and green eyes.
His mother was half Indian and half white, I’m black. As far as I am concerned, J is my son. I’m on his birth certificate, I fell in love with him the moment he opened his eyes. I love him like I do my daughters.
I have never sat J down and told him that I’m not his dad.
I have been married to my new wife for the last 18 months. Her son (W 15M) moved in with us 6 months ago. He used to live with his dad but after a series of disagreements with his stepmum, it was decided he would come live with us.
Since he has been living with us, it has been a difficult adjustment. W and J have been at loggerheads because W thinks he should have J’s room as it is bigger and has a big TV and PS5 in it.
After all, W is the oldest. My wife has tried suggesting that we swap the rooms but I have refused as this was J’s room long before they moved in and I’m not making J move rooms because W wants the room that is 6 feet longer than the room he is in.
On the weekend, I came home from running an errand with my youngest to J and W arguing, with W telling J that I’m not J’s bio dad so that J doesn’t need to listen to me.
W called J an idiot for thinking that someone like me could be the father of someone as pale as J. J was completely heartbroken at hearing this. I’ve spent the weekend reassuring J that as far as I am concerned he is my son, but I have also explained what happened and that I would support him if he ever wants to search for his biodad.
I told J that there is nothing that will stop me from loving him like I do his sisters.
I was angry with W for telling J this, and I told him that he was grounded for the next month because that was an incredibly cruel thing to do.
I have also confiscated the family games console from the living room (the girls don’t play it, J plays on his own, and only W and I use it) and have told him that I will be not putting it back for a month.
My wife is angry that I’ve grounded W, saying that it’s not my place to punish him and that J would find out I’m not his biodad eventually as it’s obvious that I’m not his dad. She wants me to put the game console back and unground him.
AITJ for grounding my stepson?”
Another User Comments:
“Oh my lord NTJ. What I am worried about is that you are being prevented from telling off your stepson. You guys are living together. There are 4 children and two adults. Both adults should be in a position to call shots like this.
It also confuses me that your wife doesn’t seem to care about this issue at all (she’s playing a game of them and us and it’s clear) That’s really concerning.
You didn’t yell, you didn’t hit.
You removed a gaming console. If you got aggressive or violent she would have the right to be upset but you took away a PlayStation. Which by the sounds of it is YOUR PlayStation, you just removed his right to use it.
You did well, your wife is enabling poor behavior, undermining you and the 15-year-old has been validated by your wife and will get worse.” Aggravating_Art_4809
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but your wife is the jerk. She told her son.
At 15, and obviously being problematic in the first place, it was horribly stupid to tell him. Your son is only 11, that kid knew exactly what he was doing. It’s not about the information being truthful. It’s about being a cruel little punk that just moved into your house effectively causing major stress.
The wife protecting HER son’s video games over worrying about YOUR son’s hurt is telling volumes.
Do NOT back down from your punishment. He and his mom are testing you. Furthermore, sit her down and discuss acceptable behavior. I would honestly be very worried about the family dynamics here and that your wife is not treating your children the same as her own.
When a parent is dead it is even more common the stepparent will really step in knowing they are in effect the only mother to the kids. It’s very concerning how she isn’t just as upset as you were.
The 11-year-old’s mom is dead, finds this out in a vindictive way that you aren’t his bio dad, hope that poor kid is ok, this is a lot for a child.” AnywhereNo12
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. But I would be rethinking this relationship and whether I want to subject my children long-term to this older kid who is weaponizing information and being cruel.
He got this information from your wife. Really think about that. Your new wife is enabling the bullying and is being very manipulative to try and shove your own kids out of the way and give her sons their space and things.
I urge you to think about this seriously. They are showing their true colors because they feel comfortable crossing boundaries.
When you aren’t around, your kids are going to get unequal treatment from this new partner of yours. What if something happens to you?
At the moment, the only person protecting them is you, and if you intervene. She seems really keen on punishing your son but letting her son get away with bad behavior, and honestly? He’s practically old enough that any intervention at this stage isn’t going to do much.
You’ll be subjecting your kids to bullying from these two for years. And, I’m not gonna lie, they will absolutely resent you for not protecting them when they were young.” Upper-File462
9. AITJ For Being Mad At My Brother For Not Coming To My Graduation Celebration?
“So I (F18) recently celebrated my birthday. I only wanted an immediate family dinner with just me, my mom, my dad, and my brother (M23).
My family doesn’t really have a good relationship with my brother because he has bipolar, has a lot of other mental disorders, and is also a substance user. Throughout the years we have had a really bad relationship with him and he moved out because we didn’t approve of his lifestyle and the way he leeched off of us.
I really want our family to have a good relationship again, but just this once I didn’t want to invite his SO (F18) to this event. She comes to multiple family events but I just wanted this to be immediate family.
She finds ways to make everything about herself and makes my parents miserable too. She’s a high school dropout that refuses to get a job so she and my brother live in a trailer together. My only reasoning asking that she didn’t come is just so I could spend time with my brother.
My brother completely blew up about it and blamed my mom for influencing me to not like her, but this is completely my decision. My parents have been nothing but kind to her even though we can’t stand her.
My brother refused to come to my birthday dinner and has been lashing out at my parents.
Recently, my brother completely ruined his truck and begged my parents to buy him a new one and they did and he didn’t even thank them.
Just yesterday, he said he was not going to come to my graduation because of the relationship between my parents and his SO. I was always the person that was his biggest support system and showed up to all of his soccer games and his football games and his graduation too.
So AITJ for being outraged at my brother not coming to my party?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
It’s hard to mend fences with addicts who are still deep in their addictions. I wish I had some piece of amazing advice that could help you with this, but the truth is: every addict has to hit their own bottom.
This isn’t about you – if may have nothing to do with your parents – it’s about your brother and his demons (which may or may not include his SO).
I’m sorry he’s too out of it and angry to be there for you right now.
But try to enjoy this time with those in your life who are supportive and are here for you. Graduation is a fun time and you should celebrate it. Hopefully one day he gets out of this and y’all can mend fences and be there for each other.
Until then: congrats on your upcoming graduation!” Mx-Penguin
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – You are absolutely entitled to only have immediate family at your birthday dinner. You are setting a boundary!
Your brother seems to be blowing this out of proportion and is behaving like an addict/heavy drinker.
The selfishness, the gaslighting, the codependency, anger, and resentment are all very common in someone suffering from substance abuse. The best way to combat this behavior is to set and keep boundaries. ‘I’d love to have you at my birthday dinner, but this time, I just want it to be our family.
I love and miss you!’
Keep your boundary – but also know that it is okay if he doesn’t come. That is his choice. It’s hard, and it’ll hurt if he doesn’t come, but at least you won’t be enabling his behavior.” appricaught
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I understand you love your brother, want to support him and you have your own very valid reasons for not liking his SO. Your brother is an addict plus he has serious mental issues plus his SO and even your parents are enabling his behavior.
He’s an adult now and even with him having bipolar it’s on him to take responsibility and charge of himself becoming clean and sober and wanting to get help for his mental health issues. Until he wants it there is nothing you can do to help him.
Happy birthday and celebrate it with those who actually support you.” WinEquivalent4069
8. AITJ For Finding My Mother's Request Unfair?
“My mom and I were talking about her estate planning and got into a disagreement over what happens to her house (that is paid in full) upon her passing away.
For background, I (30F) earn significantly more than my (32M) brother. He never left home, currently lives in his childhood bedroom, and has no plans to move out anytime soon. My mother says that upon her passing, I am to let my brother stay in the house (as opposed to forcing the sale of the house) under the following conditions: (1) he pay rent to me and (2) I pay for half of the property taxes and half of the homeowner’s insurance while he pays for the other half.
In my opinion, that would result in me subsidizing my brother’s cost of living. My mother says that I am being unfair and I think her proposal is absurd. The conversation got a little animated so we changed the subject.
So AITJ for my line of thinking here?”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. It sounds like your mom is trying her best to do right by both of you, but unfortunately, this is not the best fit. If you’re responsible for half and your name is in the title, what’s your brother’s motivation to pay rent?
Most likely, he’ll stop paying, you’ll have to pay everything to keep it from being repossessed due to back taxes, and you won’t be able to sell because he’ll never agree to it. At a minimum, you’ll resent each other.
Most likely, it will result in full-blown disgust/hate. If this is something she wants to try, a time limit for him to buy you out or to sell the property is something I would absolutely insist on.” hflores99
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Your mom’s proposal is a mess, frankly. Her proposal is that you take on ongoing costs for a home that you cannot sell, cannot rent out to anyone else, and cannot exclusively occupy. Why would anyone agree to that?
It’s an obvious money pit!
She needs to speak to an estate attorney about the right way to set this up, but I wouldn’t agree to anything that didn’t have a clear-cut end date (brother has X years to buy you out) or didn’t allow you with an exit that would allow you to recoup your funds.
I would never pay any costs towards a house I could not freely rent, occupy, or sell. If he gets to live there, he should be covering ALL costs (including maintenance) while he resides there plus rent to you for your half, and there should be conditions under which you are able to force the sale even if he is not agreeable.
She doesn’t have to leave you the house at all. She can leave the whole thing to your brother, and he can be solely on the hook for all house-related costs. But asking you to bear 50% of the financial risk and burden of the house while your brother gets to control it is a poor move financially for you.” tan_sandoval
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. Your mother wants to take care of your brother but wants you to also benefit from the house. The problem is you and your brother are close in age, so you likely won’t get any benefit from the house long-term and would end up subsidizing your brother, who will get all the benefits.
I suspect she also wants you involved so that he doesn’t blow the house as his inheritance.
In her shoes (and subject to estate tax laws where you live), I would give your brother a limited number of years to live in the house with an option to buy your interest. After say, 2 years, the house is to be sold.
If she has other assets she could equalize the estate by giving you more of those assets and leave him the house.” Username19611691
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your mother’s plan doesn’t make any sense. The house sounds more like your brother’s inheritance than yours because he gets to live there, doesn’t fully pay for it, and you can’t sell it.
It really doesn’t benefit you at all. Your mother has been enabling your brother for years and now she wants you to do the same. She’s being unfair to you. And I bet your brother won’t pay rent to you regularly or at all.” ComprehensiveBand586
7. AITJ For Wanting To Pay My Friend For Fixing A Roof?
“I’m well off in a small town and I’m very hyper-aware of people trying to get crap from me. One thing I’ve learned is to never accept favors.
Two weeks ago a friend was insistent on doing me a favor by fixing the roof of a building.
Which had quite a bit of work involved. I said fine but it’s not a favor and I’ll be paying him by the hour.
After he agreed, he did about a week’s work and when I went to pay him, he refused to take it.
I told him we made a deal that I would pay him, and I insisted repeatedly, then he said something like ‘I don’t want your money, you’re like family’ and ‘Don’t insult our friendship like that’.
I did get very angry and told him he can either take the money or get out of my life.
Which I know sounds like an overreaction but I just knew there’d be a phone call asking for a 10k loan in approx 3 months, or ‘we should go into business’ together, and that manipulative crap about being family set me off.
Then he got angry, left, and didn’t take the money. The next morning that building had its windows broken.
This is someone I really considered a friend. This has happened before, I just really don’t want debt. People tend not to respect that.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Regardless of the outcome in this situation, whether or not you’re a jerk depends entirely on your interaction up until you refused to let it be a favor.
You were upfront about how this was to be handled, and even if some may consider that weird or rude, you have a boundary and that guy accepted your boundary just to try and pull a bait-and-switch.
Even if he had been the nicest guy in the world who is just uncomfortable being paid for doing something for a friend, he agreed beforehand.
Also, a week’s worth of work is not something that you can easily just avoid paying for.
The person receiving the favor will feel awkward when someone puts in that much work without compensation, regardless of the level of friendship.
On top of all that, at the very least there should be a clear indication of what kind of favor you owe them (IF you owe them at all) so that you know what you’re getting into.
Especially considering your history of people trying to take advantage of you.” Voeglein
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here – breaking the windows is ridiculous – but I’m gonna say you definitely have some trust issues to work on. Not everyone who does favors is out for something in return.
Some people just genuinely get their yuks from doing nice things for people.
You could easily have suggested that if he didn’t want the money, he could pick a cause and you’d donate to that in his honor. Just because you don’t want to be indebted to someone doesn’t mean you have to be a jerk about it.
Also, just because someone might ask you for a favor someday down the line doesn’t mean you have to grant it, especially not if it’s something that makes you uncomfortable. Someone might even ask you for a favor without having done ANYTHING nice for you.
You can’t get off this treadmill without living in a cave and shouting abuse at anyone who walks by, so why not at least enjoy the benefits of human kindness while accepting that there will always be jerks in the world and there’s no way to avoid them.” atterysquash
Another User Comments:
“A cautious YTJ.
Say you had a friend that didn’t have a lot of money but they really appreciated you and wanted to do something special. So they make you a painting. It takes 50 hours’ worth of work, and they just do it in their spare time.
They give it to you. Your response is wow, let me pay you for it. Let me tell you, I would be devastated if I were the giver. Your friend might well have seen fixing your roof in the same way as I see doing a painting.
Now there are some differences in your case: you negotiated a fee beforehand and obviously, your windows were mysteriously broken. Gift-giving can be malicious – it can be a big part of abusive relationships. So yes, being cautious about accepting gifts is a reasonable concern.
But in friendships, gift-giving can be a really important way of showing trust – it is a type of debt but not one that should feel like a burden. Denying others the ability to give is pretty cruel.
So I say cautious YTJ, recognizing that accepting gifts isn’t always wise.
Another way you could have approached the situation is to make a mental note of the value of services rendered and if the request for money comes up, that’s the amount you give. Then dump them.” northernlaurie
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here, your overreaction was quite severe for how you would talk to a ‘friend’.
He sucks because he tried to press an issue where an agreement had already been made.
The windows broken could mean anything, he could have been trying to manipulate you, or something else simply based on your overreaction.
If I had to guess, he probably had ulterior motives, but innocent until proven guilty.
You, however, think you are being smart and protecting yourself due to your wealth, but you’ve also become consumed by your money and it’s warped your perception of interaction.” boomosaur
6. AITJ For Calling The Dogs In When They Start Barking?
“We have 3 dogs, in the morning when we start our day, 6 AM, we let them out into the backyard. We don’t have an alley, so the backyards all touch on our block. Now for the argument, if the dogs start barking, this doesn’t happen often, at 6 AM.
I instantly call them in so it doesn’t wake or bother the neighbors. This annoys my husband because he thinks they’re dogs, dogs bark. And yes dogs bark but that doesn’t mean our neighbors want to hear our dogs bark at 6 AM.
So AITJ for calling my dogs in?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. There are legal quiet hours in most cities for noise ordinances and you can bet most of them are still in effect at 6 AM. You may want to look those up for your area.
It’s an agreement to keep neighbors from mowing their lawns, doing construction, and other noisy activities at hours when the average person is asleep. This includes barking dogs. Your husband is an inconsiderate jerk though. Nobody wants to listen to dogs bark endlessly at any time of day.
Yes, dogs bark for many reasons, but just letting a dog do whatever it wants barking at all hours is going to net you hatred from your neighbors and noise complaints.” pocket4129
Another User Comments:
“You’re not the jerk, your husband is.
You 100% are doing the right thing and should be considerate of other people, especially when it’s so early in the morning. Dogs barking may be a natural thing to dogs, but it’s certainly an annoyance and not something people should be forced to put up with on a regular basis.
Even if they were barking profusely during the afternoon, I’d suggest bringing them in as well. It’s the considerate and right thing to do.” BowlerBig8423
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – there is a thing called noise ordinances meaning that at certain times certain noises are not acceptable.
Meaning construction has to start at a certain time and end at a certain time if the construction starts early or ends late they can get fined. Also, it is illegal to have your dog working constantly for say an hour I’m not sure exactly what it is but I know it is illegal. I understand where your husband is coming from but if it was 12:00 in the afternoon then it would be more annoying but you’re definitely not in the wrong here.” TheKingofTheNight400
5. AITJ For Looking Through His Bedroom After He Told Me Not To?
“I’ve (F27) been seeing a guy (M32) for about a year and a half. We aren’t actually together, it’s a situationship so the lines get blurry at times. We do spend a lot of time together. I had gifted him a very expensive wallet which went missing.
He was looking for it everywhere and since he was worried I was suggesting places for him to look. By the way – I have always been good at finding things, my memory is good and I always know where his things are better than him at his house.
I started looking for the wallet at his place and he told me not to look in the bedroom as he had already looked there before. I obviously didn’t trust his searching ability so I went to the bedroom and found the wallet on the bed under the covers.
When I gave it to him instead of being happy he looked angry. He said, ‘I told you not to look through the bedroom’. What I merely thought was a suggestion turned out to be a breach of his privacy or something.
I sleep in that bedroom at least three nights a week, I cook and clean that house so my looking through the bed was not out of character. But at the moment instead of being thankful that I found what he was looking for he made everything about me doing something he asked me not to do.
I shortly left his place which resulted in a big fight. But I’m really confused – am I the jerk here?”
Another User Comments:
“Stop wasting your time with this guy. He’s setting clear boundaries and you’re cleaning his house and buying him gifts?
Invest your time in someone that values you.
I think there are no jerks here since it seems like he’s been clear about what this arrangement is, and since you went in the room thinking he was joking but he wasn’t.
But you really need to step away from this guy. It’s not going to turn into a relationship, and honestly, you probably don’t want it to!” Snoopyla1
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. There is something weird here. He either is hiding something in the bedroom or he didn’t want the wallet to be found.
Maybe both.
He is likely seeing other women and maybe there was something in the room that would reveal it. He may have decided he could get some cash by selling an expensive wallet and pretending it was lost. Pretty stupid either way.
The fact that he is now making it about you shows you that he wants the spotlight off of his behavior. ‘Don’t look at what I did, look at what you did.’ Definitely something fishy going on.” OwnUse931
4. AITJ For Having A Dry Wedding But Not Indicating Why?
“I (28f) am marrying my fiance James (25m) in September. We sent the invites out in January and made no mention of the fact we won’t be serving booze at the wedding, but we won’t. We will only be serving options that don’t contain liquor and there won’t be any available for people to buy at the ‘bar’.
I’m a recovering heavy drinker (sober 4 years and 7 months) but if I’m out socially and a discussion about having booze comes up, I always lie and tell people I’m seriously intolerant to liquor and it makes me very sick. I just don’t want people to know about my sobriety, it’s none of their business.
Only my best friends and immediate family know (and my fiance obviously).
James’ birthday was in early April and we rented the room above a pub (yep, big fun for the recovering heavy drinker as you can imagine!) to celebrate.
Convos about our wedding came up and I don’t remember exactly how but I ended up talking to a group of not-so-close friends (more James’ friends and my acquaintances) about the wedding. I said it was going to be a liquor-free wedding and they were pretty incredulous.
Especially as James’ birthday was not liquor-free. They asked why and I said I wasn’t giving a reason, there’s just no booze. They asked if I was pregnant, and I said no. I just don’t want liquor at my wedding.
I was called a buzzkill and told that people go to weddings to drink and that it’s polite to put money behind the bar for your guests particularly if they are evening guests. It ended up in this big debate about drinking at weddings.
One of our much closer friends joined the convo and asked why I didn’t just tell them all why I don’t drink. I said it was none of their business, pretty rudely to be honest but I was getting mad at this point.
One of James’ friends said being honest about it was the least I could do and it was wrong of me not to at least explain myself. One of them also made a fairly unpleasant joke at my expense basically suggesting I’m the ‘ball and chain’ now for James.
I took myself out of the conversation because I was upset but I still don’t think I owe anyone an explanation despite what they say. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – you are not obligated to have booze or to explain.
You are the jerk for not putting it on the invites. Weddings aren’t fun for a lot of people, and they need social lubrication to get through. This isn’t because they are heavy drinkers, just because some people aren’t comfortable in large social gatherings and, realistically, they are celebrating you, but they don’t get to socialize with you much at a wedding.
Completely your choice to explain why, but I think you’d find a lot more support if you did give the reason. Right now, without explaining, you run the risk of people bringing their own booze.” Slight_Necessary8246
Another User Comments:
“NTJ for choosing to have a liquor-free wedding and for not telling people the reasoning behind it. You are free to choose what you want and do not want at your own wedding. You don’t have to share your personal information or history with anyone that you don’t want to.
Keep in mind if you don’t have liquor, people are going to talk about it and either make up reasons why you didn’t have it or someone will know and word will get around through gossip.
However, I would say that you might be slightly a jerk for not indicating on the invites that the wedding would be liquor-free.
Not having booze might influence a guest’s choice to attend, and people who are annoyed there is no liquor will be more annoyed if they discover this at the wedding rather than beforehand. Expect scenes like the one at your fiance’s party to repeat themselves at the wedding.” someperson717
Another User Comments:
“This might be a cultural thing (or maybe just a thing in my family), but not serving liquor at any event, wedding included, should not be an issue.
If people are really that annoyed about there being no liquor and are saying things like ‘that is what people are looking forward to’, then in my opinion, they are the jerks.
It is your wedding, you are getting married and are looking forward to spending the rest of your life with your significant other, and all they care about is getting wasted. That just seems so weird and disrespectful to me.
Again, this could really just be a cultural difference, but I just find it weird that people can’t just respect the bride and groom’s decision, instead of wanting to change things when it isn’t even their wedding.
NTJ for not wanting liquor at your wedding.
NTJ for not wanting to tell anyone that you used to be a heavy drinker. Whether or not you are the jerk for not putting it on the invite, I can’t say.” Eastern_Mud_6953
3. AITJ For Pressing Charges Against "A Little Girl"?
“So a lady hit me in a parking lot and started to drive off.
I honked at her and followed her for 10 secs to a spot sign in the parking lot. She rolled down her window and asked, ‘What do you want?’ I told her she hit me and she did not believe me and I pointed out the damage on my car and hers.
Her paint was on my car and everything. She agreed to pull over and we pulled off to a clear part of the parking lot. She got out of her car saying, ‘I’m just a little girl’ and started off apologizing.
Saying she did not realize that she hit anything. This is hard to believe because both cars shook violently when the hit happened.
She was acting very odd and was EXTREMELY adamant about the police not being involved. She seemed to be under the influence of something but I could not prove anything.
I apologized for yelling at her at first but she was trying to leave so I was angry. I then just asked to get her information so that we can let the insurance companies hash it out.
After getting my stuff out of my car I was concerned about her driving because I think she has been drinking.
But when I turn around there is a gentleman standing there with her, which caused me to be on guard. This turns out to be her husband and he takes control over the situation, he also does not want the police involved. He starts by trying to give me the insurance information, while she gets in the passenger’s seat and she buckles her seat belt.
I tell him I want to get the license plate first and while I kneel down to get the picture I inform him that I will need to involve the police. I do not give him a reason at the time, but I wanted to involve them because I think she has been drinking and I would feel terrible if a worse accident happens after this and I didn’t call the police.
However, after I said I wanted to involve the police I hear him close up the insurance information, walk around me to the driver’s seat of the car and they proceed to reverse and then drive off. I call the police give them the license plate and tell them everything including the video of the accident.
They track her down and talk with her about the night in question. She says she was scared and she was fighting with her husband that night, so her husband just wanted to get her out of the situation. She told the police she was very sorry for leaving the scene and she is willing to give all her information to the insurance companies to get the car fixed and if they will not do it then she will cover the repairs.
I chose to keep the charges in place mainly because everyone’s actions have consequences and simply saying sorry or being ‘A little girl’ does not make you exempt from those consequences. She is 24 years old and she was driving while under the influence of something.
I personally think that this is a terrible choice and endangers others, if I let her off the hook I feel like that’s me telling her that what she did was ok. Am I the jerk?
The repair costs around $2,500-$2,600.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
You don’t know that she was under the influence of anything so that is just an opinion.
As far as pressing charges, both she and the husband should be in trouble since he drove away from the scene without exchanging information.
I also find it annoying that a competent 24-year-old with a driver’s license would refer to themselves as ‘a little girl’. Ugh. Little girls don’t drive cars, so perhaps the police can help her out with that.
You did the right thing, let the police handle them and the insurance company handle the car.
This couple is a hot mess; the more degrees of separation the better.” ComputerCrafty4781
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. A traffic collision without injury, especially a fender-bender in a parking lot is a CIVIL action, not criminal. According to your account, she did provide her contact information as required. The police should not have been called for the accident, and they won’t even respond to such things in most situations.
Reporting her as a suspected driver under the influence is fine, but that’s not the same as calling the police alleging a hit and run when they hadn’t.” Better-Ad-3526
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but you REALLY should have known that you always, ALWAYS call the police to report an accident AT THE TIME, or insurance doesn’t have to pay a cent.
No accident report, no payment, period. Plus that ‘little girl’ driving and crashing a car was a grown woman and should have been given ZERO leeway in terms of dealing with the consequences of her irresponsible actions. People who cause wrecks ALWAYS beg you not to call the police.
But even if they wave a fat bundle of cash at you, do NOT fall for it! And letting her get away with what she did only enables her to get away with MORE of that dangerous behavior. Stop trying to please everyone and be the grown-up.” No_Armadillo_6474
2. AITJ For Putting My Partner's Cats Up For Adoption?
“I (29M) work from home, which I own. My partner (28F) of two years lives with me and works out of the home. She does not pay rent.
4 months ago, she found 6 two-week-old kittens, 4 female and 2 male, in a box on the side of the road, obviously abandoned. She called me and told me she wanted to take them in.
I have a severe cat allergy and can’t be around them at all. I was against her plan and suggested she take them to a shelter, pet store, or vet clinic where someone else would take them. She kept asking and saying she had no idea if they’d be okay without her and I finally relented, as I’m not some heartless jerk.
I said fine, let them in, under the conditions that she started adopting them out at 8 weeks, they stayed in the guest bedroom/bathroom, and I did not have to look after them except for emergencies.
Now it’s been four months.
They’re getting close to the age that it’s our responsibility to fix them, which is an expense I don’t want. On top of that, she lets them roam the house and tried to get me to clean the cat box for them the other day because she didn’t feel like it.
It’s messing with my allergies and I keep having to open windows, stay in my room, and constantly wash stuff. I started telling her three weeks ago that if she didn’t put them up for adoption, I would and she’d usually ignore me.
Finally, I made a post two days ago on social media and told her about it. She said alright, and I thought that was that.
A couple of people responded, wanting the cats, so I set up a time yesterday during my lunch break and told her they were going.
She said alright again. The people came and four of the cats went to new homes. She got back, saw the cats were gone, and flipped out. I was frankly stunned because I told her this was happening and I told her there was a post up and people coming to look at them.
But she’s angry because I didn’t let her say goodbye and other stuff. I think I gave her a full two months of goodbye time.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your partner is sneaky and inconsiderate. There are plenty of rescues that are better equipped to care for abandoned kittens.
They did not need her, the whole she was afraid they wouldn’t be okay without her was emotional manipulation. And a fairly thin one. She never intended to rehome those kittens. She knew they were making you ill and she didn’t care.
The bottom line was she decided her desire to have an entire litter of kittens was more important than your health. You forewarned her and gave her more courtesy than she deserved. I would have boxed them up and brought them to the animal shelter the very first day.” Tizzery
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She is a jerk for so many things. First, she brings home 6 kittens and argues with you until you relent, knowing you have a cat allergy. Then she lets the cat loose and wants you to clean the litter box.
Then she’d ignore OP when he was trying to communicate the issue. Then OP decides enough is enough and puts them up for adoption. She then gets angry. She also doesn’t pay rent. You know I don’t really like the people suggesting break-up but, seriously, put her up for adoption.” fort_nite_sucks
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Trust me, I’d be quick to call you the jerk if you had done it without telling her. But you set expectations upfront about how long she could keep them, you gave her extra time, and you communicated everything you did transparently with warning time, which she acknowledged. She very clearly was just trying to ride it out and hoped you’d never actually get around to following through.
I would be super sad too if I was her because I love kittens, but you handled the situation more than graciously, so she really can’t fault you.” 1or2throwaway
1. AITJ For Rejecting My Dad's Offer To Make Up For Missing My Birthday?
“Just turned 25 yesterday – usually I’m not one for big parties or celebrations.
I prefer to just take the day off work, spend the day chilling at home and maybe play some games. Then in the evening it’s family tradition to have the birthday person’s favorite food and cake afterward. Nothing extravagant, but it is something nice to look forward to every year.
But yesterday it just seemed like both my dad and sister had completely forgotten, which hurt because we had celebrated my mum’s birthday a week and a half prior. I didn’t want to seem whiny, so I kept quiet about it during the day, thinking at least there will be cake at night.
But evening rolled around and no one asked what I would like to have for my birthday dinner. My sister wasn’t even home, she had instead made plans to go out. It wasn’t until my mum came home from working late, that she came and wished me happy birthday.
My dad who overheard then said, ‘Oh, I forgot’. That’s all, not even wishing me happy birthday. My mum then asked if he even got a cake and he said no. He said: ‘Well it doesn’t matter, your sister isn’t even home anyway, we’ll just do it tomorrow’.
I’m not sure why it hurt so much – it was as if the celebration depended on my sister being home. I pretended to wave it off and shoved dinner down, before crying in the shower and shutting myself in my room for the rest of the night.
This morning I had to head out for work early. My dad was in the living room, saw me, and asked what kind of cake I wanted. My guess was he would buy the cake to celebrate that night. Not sure why I felt so bitter, but I just simply told him I didn’t want cake anymore before walking out of the house and shutting the door.
Now reflecting upon it, I do feel guilty rejecting my dad’s offer to get a belated birthday cake. But I know it just won’t feel the same anymore, knowing he actually forgot and the day itself is already over.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ — here’s why – you didn’t lash out. You didn’t yell or scream or break stuff. You aren’t asking for a lot. Your feelings are valid you’re allowed to be upset.
It sucks when your loved ones forget something important to you.
It’s painful, and it feels like you’re unimportant. You can feel invisible and like they don’t care about you.
Now I think if you let them make it up to you is entirely up to you. You don’t OWE them anything.
They hurt YOU. It is on them to try and fix it. And perhaps you need a little time. Also just doing what they were supposed to do yesterday but forgot doesn’t really ‘make it up’ to you. There, in my opinion, should be something extra involved. Just a little extra thought to say I’m sorry, as well as what was supposed to be involved, to begin with.” nomusicnolove
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, you had every right to feel sad and angry at him for forgetting and the ‘oh I forgot’ without even a happy birthday from him was kinda trashy.
He wants to make it up to you, he should apologize, and explain why (even if it’s just an ‘I have no idea how I forgot but I’ll try and not do it again’ that would be some improvement), and then ask what he can do to make it better.
Preferably that should be done on the day and then you know he’s actually sorry instead of having a very emotionally fraught night like you did.
I’m sorry your dad’s a jerk, I’m glad your mum seems to understand that he’s being kinda trashy, maybe you and she can talk about what you can do for a belated birthday thing.” Queer_Echo
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
If he had immediately been apologetic and kind or shown genuine interest in acknowledging or celebrating your birthday then it would maybe be different. Maybe. He’s your dad. It’s seriously on him to remember your birthday.
Honestly, your mom seems like kind of a jerk too if she didn’t even say anything to you before that moment or make any attempt at making a plan to acknowledge it. I’m sorry your whole family let you down here.
Make plans with friends or just your mom to do something nice.
You are owed a major apology. An insincere offer to pick up a cake the next day is not an apology. You can tell your dad this. Consider being very straightforward with your parents and telling them you were hurt by how little they cared. Specifically, tell your dad that his lack of apology or actual birthday wishes at the moment was especially hurtful after he forgot.
He hurt you and he can’t undo it. The least he can do is give a sincere apology.” TheUnsolicitedAdvice
