People Are Frozen In Fear By These 'Am I The Jerk?' Stories
24. AITJ For Wanting To Confront My Pregnant Friend Over Selfish Behavior?
“My friend is pregnant and due relatively soon, but I want to confront her over being a bad, selfish friend. Last year, I was a matron of honour in her wedding and helped plan and throw her bachelorette party despite being less than 1 year postpartum with a colicky baby.
I had to travel for both, gave her a wedding gift, and paid for most of her share of the bachelorette party (despite the co-maid of honour telling me she didn’t want anyone to foot the bill, so we made a Splitwise and she paid everyone back for their charges except me and the other co maid of honor).
She recently sent thank you notes for her wedding, over a year later, with no mention of the wedding gift. It also included her pregnancy announcement with a link to her gift registry, even though I already sent a baby gift despite being unable to attend her baby shower.
Rewind to my life events over the past three years, I got married during a difficult time with a very small wedding which she attended, no card or gift despite her telling me she travelled using miles and it was no cost for her to attend.
I was happy she was there and had originally planned for a larger wedding post-difficult time, so I chalked it up to think she would do something at a later date. Then I got pregnant, she didn’t come to my baby shower, and of all the people I invited who came or didn’t come, only she and her mother did not send a card or gift. She did come to meet my child in person, but still no gift or card, despite knowing postpartum was particularly challenging for me.
We’ve been friends a very long time, since we were children and there is a history of selfish behaviour on both sides and lack of outreach at times. If I confront her now when she is about to have her own baby, does that make me a jerk?
I want her to acknowledge how clearly one-sided this friendship feels. Note- it’s not about gifts, but lack of appreciation of my time, money, and effort to make sure her big life moments are special.”
Another User Comments:
“Would suggest that there is little purpose to be served through confrontation; she is unlikely to be receptive, and your resentment would likely grow.
It seems like this is an opportunity for a natural break in the relationship, with you both moving your separate ways. There are many unbalanced relationships in human interactions; it’s far from rare for one person to offer more and the other to offer less.
If the friendship isn’t bringing you joy, move on.” Hairy_rambutan
Another User Comments:
“YTJ because it seems like what you care about are the gifts. You say she showed up, but it was empty-handed. With everything in my life, sometimes I show up empty-handed, too, but the point is I show up.
If it bothers you, just stop reaching out and showing up. Confronting her doesn’t seem beneficial for either of you and would look worse on you based on your description of the events.” OrganizationSharp398
Another User Comments:
“NTJ for feeling the way you do.
However, I’m not sure there is anything to gain by confronting someone who has repeatedly let you down. Even before your friend’s pregnancy, she did not come through with the gifts and support that you hoped for. You can’t really shame her into that now.
Anything you say will lead to hard feelings. I would pull back on the friendship and cut back on the gifts and support you provide her. Clearly, you aren’t a top-tier friend to her anymore. You should protect your heart, reduce your expectations, and adjust your behaviour accordingly.” MedicinalWalnuts
23. AITJ For Leaving On Thanksgiving Night?
“I (30f) live about 45 min from my parent’s house. My parents have been hosting Thanksgiving at their house for the past few years and the responsibility of prepping, cooking and keeping the kitchen clean throughout the day falls all on me. My mom physically can’t help, my dad just doesn’t help, my grandparents are old and shouldn’t be expected to help and my other family members either don’t help at all or minimally help.
So, as I’ve gotten older, I don’t place as much importance on the holidays with my family anymore because it often feels more like a chore than actually quality time with family.
This year, I came over on Thanksgiving Eve and spent the night to spend time with my mom and I was there the whole day on Thanksgiving day and cooked the majority of the dinner.
Around 730, a few hours after dinner, I told my mom that I was probably going to head out and go back to my place because I was tired and just wasn’t feeling up to socializing anymore.
In the past, I usually would stay for a few days but I just wasn’t really feeling it this year, which I felt was a totally okay and normal thing.
I don’t live far, I’m not visiting from out of town or anything.
My mom got upset with me for this, saying that it was wrong of me to leave on Thanksgiving night and that it felt like I didn’t want to spend any time with them anymore and then compared that I’m happier and more fun around my friends than my family.
And that I was purposely trying not to connect, which is not true. All I wanted that morning was for my parents to keep me company while I cooked and they seemed incapable of just doing that. So, I think I shut down a little.
I felt disconnected around my family and tired after cooking all day and I just wanted to be back in my own space. My mom made me feel pretty guilty about this and told me to “just go” and made me feel like I had hurt her and had been selfish.
It’s eating me up because it feels like I did something wrong. AITJ for leaving?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You cooked and did chores all day, and they could not be bothered to even spend time talking to you? Tell them that since all they seem to want of you is chores and cooking, can’t be bothered to even keep you company and talk to you, you are leaving.
And do not plan to come and do this for them again.” bkwormtricia
Another User Comments:
“NTJ…Next year, order pizza. It is not about what you eat, but who you spend it with. Or get everyone together and chip in for a cooked meal. They do not like that?
“Oh so sorry. Okie dokie, let’s make up a chore list of who will do what because I am not doing it all anymore. Everyone can help in some way. Either prepping, cooking or cleaning up.” Don’t like that either? “Oh so sorry.
I cannot make it up this year”, or “Pizza it is!”” Worth-Season3645
Another User Comments:
“Your mom sees you as her surrogate in getting everything ready. She unfairly expects you to do it. I suspect your dad views cooking as a woman’s job. Your mom’s guilt-tripping you doesn’t help at all.
If the majority of your family comes over and doesn’t help, I would contact them, and tell them you can’t do it anymore. Assign everyone dishes to bring. Assign who cleans up the mess. If they squawk, I would find the nearest casino with a buffet, and enjoy my Thanksgiving there and have fun gambling.” ihate_snowandwinter
22. AITJ For Refusing To Be My Cousin's Free Porter During Her Shopping Spree?
“I live in a big city, while my cousin lives in a smaller, more rural town on the outskirts. Yesterday, she and her fiancé surprised me by showing up unannounced at my home, where I live with my sister (our parents are travelling). They said they were staying for a day to do some shopping for their wedding.
I was caught off guard but greeted them warmly, and they said it wouldn’t be an issue since I had work that day—we’d just meet up for dinner after. I work while studying at university, so I told them I’d see them later and headed off to work.
After my shift, I met up with them, and they surprised me by handing me ten shopping bags full of stuff they’d bought, asking me to take them home for them. My fiancé came with me, and since I don’t have a car, we had to lug all these bags on public transport.
It took me two hours to get the bags back home, and then I went back out to join them for dinner.
During dinner, I mentioned that I’d be taking the next day off work to study for my upcoming exams and wouldn’t be available to hang out.
They said they were staying the night at my place but would head out first thing in the morning, which I figured was fine.
The next day, I woke up early to study, but they were in the living room being loud and didn’t leave until 3 PM.
Most of my day was already wasted by then, but I finally started studying once they left. At 5:30 PM, they called me, saying they’d left their shopping bags at my place and couldn’t come back to get them. They asked me to bring them over.
Keep in mind, these are the same 10 heavy, stuffed bags I already struggled with the day before. I don’t have a car, so I had to book an Uber, which cost me a lot of money I didn’t really have—but they’re family, so I did it.
When I arrived, they said we’d grab something to eat at the mall, so I joined them. Then, they hit me with, ‘Could you hold onto the bags while we shop some more?’ They expected me to sit at a café for hours, spending more money I didn’t have while babysitting their bags.
At that point, I’d had enough. I told them, with a clearly irritated expression, that I wasn’t staying and was going home. I explained that I’d already wasted my day, didn’t study as much as I needed to, skipped work, and spent money I couldn’t afford—all for them.
They called me a party spoiler and said I was abandoning them, but I stood my ground, apologized, and left.
So, my question is: AITJ here? I know I may have come off as rude, but I felt like I had no choice.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ They are adults. They can be responsible for their own needs, their safety, and their belongings. They were capable enough to travel alone without a carer. You have no obligation to babysit competent adults or their shopping. You did not invite them. You did not schedule this visit with them.
You made no advance commitments to them. There is no reason that you should cancel your plans and existing obligations just to cater to people especially when they can handle their own needs perfectly well without you.” latent
Another User Comments:
“I think you’ve learned some things about why this chick gets into fights with family.
NTJ. Now that you know I would start practicing “That won’t be possible.” Do they need their 10 bags hauled to the airport? That won’t be possible but they can schedule an Uber and you can offer to load the bags into the car for the driver.
Wake up early and they’re in your living room? That won’t be possible- you leave for a library or tell them they need to wrap it up because you’re about to start studying. They want you to spend two hours carrying bags home and then go back out to dinner.
That won’t be possible- you’re cooking at home and then studying. Over and over and over.” capmanor1755
Another User Comments:
“NTJ They took advantage of you and your hospitality. Nothing about these two days was a party for you – you were used as a hotel and a porter for them, at a cost to you – in terms of time and money.
And there’s the absurdity of saying they “forgot” ten bags of shopping. Both the bride and her fiancée are on the hook for this one – they both took advantage and tried to make you the bad guy when you objected to being mistreated. Also, they keep buying bags of shopping – they could have rented their own darn car.” Kettlewise
21. AITJ For Asking My Wife To Get A Job To Help With Financial Burden?
“So my wife B (33) and I A(33) have been together for just over 10 years. When we first got together, B was employed. Immediately after falling pregnant, she gave up her job and became an at-home mum.
Since then, we have had 2 children, the youngest being 6 years old. We are self-employed and work over 100 hours a week, generating money for our family, and my wife helps out for around 10 hours a week.
With the current economic climate and being self-employed, money is tight.
I haven’t paid myself much, approximately £800 per month for five months, racking up credit card debt while my wife takes home approximately £20 per hour as it’s the minimum she will work for, spending money on clothes, concerts, and trips to see friends.
Today I asked if she could possibly find a job to help take the mental health burden and financial burden off of myself.
She replied by saying no and that she didn’t have the time around her daily schedule to work, and suggested that I find an additional job to bring in some extra money.
For clarity, our business is very much a community hub in the local area and has recently been growing at a great rate, but needs a lot of financial expansion to keep up with demand, and this is why money has been tighter than usual.
B while at home writes fan fiction stories for around 80 hours a week and refuses to charge or ask for money from people. The home responsibilities are split evenly, with me cooking 3 days a week (the only 3 evenings I’m at home) and I also clean the house and do chores on those days to do my part around the home.
B is also a lot more qualified than me educationally, with myself being an ex-force and her having completed college and university.
The kids are with me at work 3 days a week after school and on weekends while she is at home or working a few hours.
So really am I the jerk here?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Essentially, she pulled a bait and switch. She didn’t want to work (like, ever) but she had no choice until she found a husband to take care of her. If she has time to pursue a hobby 80 hours a week, then she has time to work 30 or 40 hours a week and still have time for her hobby.” CommunityGreat9255
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your youngest is at school now so she has at least 6-7 hours a day to herself. You’re supposed to be a team. No burden of the family should just fall on one person’s shoulders. She needs to get a job, as she’s currently just taking advantage of you.
This is a discussion which should’ve been had and agreed upon before marriage and kids through” Uubilicious_The_Wis.e
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Your wife should get a job. But as a fanfic writer, don’t ask her to monetize her fanfic. For the vast majority of fandoms (aka everything not in the public domain) it’s a legal minefield, not to mention fandom culture in general is very much pro-gift economy/anti-monetization / keep your hobby a hobby.
Depending on how popular she is, it might not even bring in a lot of money. Maybe she could look into self-publishing original fiction? Though honestly, she’d probably get more money from a traditional job. Writing is the sort of career that does not bring in a lot of money for 90% of writers.” Old_Effective_915
20. AITJ For Staying In My Room On Thanksgiving After My Mom's Hurtful Comments?
“About a day ago me (17F) and my mother (45F) were about to put up the Christmas tree when we got into a small argument.
She had hurt her back a few days ago and told me that I and my brother would have to do the heavy lifting for the tree this year. I agreed because putting up the tree means I get to spend time with the two of them watching a movie, baking cookies and decorating the tree.
Yet when I get downstairs she’s immediately annoyed with me for coming downstairs “too late”. I assumed that she was just in a bad mood because of her back pain but when I asked about my brother coming to help us so I don’t have to lift the couch by myself, she started to get an attitude, telling me we might as well not put the tree up if I’m going to be so difficult and annoying.
My brother comes downstairs and is immediately confused by her yelling. I decided to just go to my room for the night.
When my dad comes home, my mother starts yelling at me about how both my brother and I are “leeches”, how I “bring out the worst in people”, how I’m “hard to love” and how I can “shove the tree up my rear” (lol?) the absolute icing on the cake was when she said, “I can’t wait until she leaves for college.
I can’t wait to see her struggle”. The next day, Thanksgiving and I refused to come downstairs to cook, watch movies, or eat Thanksgiving dinner with them if she would be there. I stayed in my room the whole day, quiet and trying to be as out of the way as possible.
My mother has a history of making extremely mean comments, but they’re always brushed off as “Well, you know she has issues from her childhood. Cut her some slack!” But I feel like her behaviour shouldn’t be justified or tolerated. The last comment about college hurt me deeply because I’m in the process of waiting for acceptance letters from colleges and as of right now I want nothing to do with her.
AITJ for not coming downstairs for Thanksgiving dinner? My brother came upstairs to tell me the food was ready but I told him I didn’t want to sit at the table if she would be there. Her comment struck me as too far for the situation, am I wrong?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Honey, I could never imagine saying such things to my daughter. But my mother could say such things to me, and as a single person in my 20s, I was always trying to find alternative holiday gatherings. Your family brushes these comments off, but I don’t want you to do that.
Don’t ever think such things are normal because then I worry you won’t expect better for yourself and wind up in similar situations. Saying you are hard to love is one of the most hurtful things a parent can say. I know because my mom said that to me.
I’m 62 and still have no self-worth. Take care, honey.” Aware_Welcome_8866
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Cruelty has no excuse. I don’t care if someone hurt their back, or has a headache or had a bad day – cruelty is not ok under any circumstances.
I’ve had plenty of bad days. I’ve hurt my back (I made Thanksgiving dinner with a terrible back ache yesterday), but I’ve never been cruel. Cranky? Grumpy? Short-tempered? Absolutely. Never cruel. What your mother says is cruel, and that’s a whole different thing than just being in a bad mood.
From the sounds of it, she’s been enabled in her cruelty by the other family members. If she has so much unresolved trauma that she’s emotionally abusive, then she needs therapy, not to be given a break” savinathewhite
Another User Comments:
” Go to college, pick a very good major where you can support yourself as an adult, study hard, always be saving a bit of money, and work two jobs when you’re not in school.
Have a nest egg for when you graduate so you can get an apartment. Don’t party too much, don’t take risks with your life and future. Get therapy so you consciously don’t act like your mom. Start building your own life and stay out of her way.
You can’t fix her and nothing you do will ever be enough. Go be fabulous and smart and don’t let her drag you down.” Ipso-Pacto-Facto
19. AITJ For Being Upset That My Wife Ruined My Birthday Twice?
“I planned and organized the entire day for my wife’s milestone birthday. When it came to my birthday, it was her turn to prepare, but she said she had no idea what to do and didn’t suggest anything. So, I organized the day myself—nothing extravagant since we’re dealing with financial issues.
She decided she wanted to bake me a cake, which I appreciated, but she picked a complicated recipe despite not being very experienced at baking. I gently told her I didn’t care about having a fancy or elaborate cake and that something simple and made with love would mean just as much.
She insisted on making the problematic cake anyway.
The night before my birthday, she spent hours baking and got angry at everything that went wrong. She snapped at me repeatedly, and I didn’t know how to respond. At first, I let her do her thing, then asked if she wanted help or preferred to handle it alone.
She got mad when I offered to help, then angry when I didn’t help enough, and again when I wasn’t helping. I told her to let it go and get some rest, but she refused.
By the time my birthday arrived, the cake still wasn’t finished, and she was utterly exhausted from staying up all night.
I told her to go to bed, and she slept the entire day. Because I didn’t want to disturb her, I stayed in the other room alone and didn’t do anything I had planned for the day. It felt incredibly lonely.
She finally woke up in the evening, but the cake still wasn’t decorated. I decided to decorate it myself because she looked so sad about it being incomplete.
We ate the cake together, and even though the day hadn’t gone as planned, I told her it was fine, and we could reschedule to make up for it. I meant it—I wasn’t upset anymore because I wanted her to feel better.
When we rescheduled the celebration, things didn’t go much better.
That morning, she refused to get out of bed, snapping at me whenever I tried to wake her. After two hours of her yelling and then going back to sleep, I broke down and started crying quietly—something I rarely do. As soon as she saw me crying, she got up immediately and told me she had taken sleeping medication the day before.
I was confused because she seemed to snap out of it quickly, but I didn’t press further.
We went ahead with the day, but she was distant and irritable the entire time. I even suggested we go home early, but she insisted we stay. The whole time, it felt like I was celebrating alone, and I couldn’t shake the guilt of dragging her along when she didn’t seem to want to be there.
When we got home, she apologized for “ruining” the day again, but I smiled and lied, saying it had been a good day.
Later, I talked about this with some friends, and one of them said I was overreacting and acting spoiled, claiming that my wife was unwell because of me.
Now, I feel torn. On one hand, I should have just sucked it up because I’m an adult, and birthdays aren’t that important. On the other hand, I still feel disappointed about how things played out.
So, AITJ? Am I expecting too much here?”
Another User Comments:
“Is she usually snappy with you or only the day before your birthday and on your birthday? I suggest you think about if she’s generally kind and just pushed herself too hard and got upset or if she is usually like this. Why is she sleeping all day?
To me, that’s not something people normally do. She should have set her alarm for a reasonable morning hour and done things with you. Any other behaviour, you are just being too kind by excusing her. I’d say you’re NTJ, but consider if you want years of this person in your life.” HorseygirlWH
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but lying and trying to smooth things over will not end well. You’ll build resentment, and she won’t understand why because you don’t communicate. You have the right to feel like you did, which can be disappointing, but when the time is right, you need to tell her that, or you can’t expect things to be different next time.” fame
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but honestly, I hope the rest of your relationship isn’t like this because it sounds like your wife doesn’t like you at all. In all of this, she prioritized *her* feelings even though it was *your* birthday and then left *you* to clean up *her* mess.
She didn’t know what to plan, so you planned. She couldn’t finish the cake, so you had to. She couldn’t get up out of bed until you were so hurt you started crying, and then she was awful to you all day. Then she made you manage her feelings by being all ‘boo hoo; I’m sorry I ruined your day instead of doing anything constructive about it.
You’re not wrong to want one day to celebrate you, and she ruined it twice over completely. I’m sorry your birthday was so awful, and I hope you can go do something nice for yourself.” WanderingAl08
18. AITJ For Refusing To Bail My Father Out Of Jail?
“My Dad lives in AZ, he just got arrested on some warrants for 2 misdemeanour shoplifting charges and a failure to appear in court. He has 2 $1,500 bonds and is asking me to bail him out and put up $300 on the bonds. He has court on 12/3 and will more than likely be released then.
Can’t see why they would hold him longer over minor charges. But I’m not from AZ so I don’t know the court systems there. I have the money, it’s not the issue, I just don’t want to, especially if he’s going to get out in less than a week.
A little background, my Dad bailed me out of jail like 13 years ago and put up a couple of grand. This makes me kind of feel obligated to return the favour, especially since it is less expensive.
Here’s my issue. My Dad has been on and off substances for years now.
He’s been down and out on his luck lately and borrowing lots of money from a family with promises to pay it back once he gets his workman’s comp settlement. I’m pretty sure he’s actively using it right now and is probably a main driver on why he wants to get bailed out.
But I kind of rather him just spend a couple of days in there, sober up a bit and maybe learn a lesson to stop doing irresponsible things.
He’s been in contact with my sister because she had the same number her whole life and he has it memorized. She called me relaying all the info, I ultimately decided to say no. I feel bad because she’s gonna have to hear him get all mad and upset over it.
But so AITJ here? I already know him, he’s going to be upset once he hears and will likely bring up how he bailed me out in the past.
I did mention, that IF they don’t release him on the 3rd, I will bail him out then.
But pretty sure he will get released.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your dad, who has a warrant for failure to appear, wants you to bond him out? Why, so you can lose the bond when he doesn’t show up for court again? You were a one-and-done.
He was also your dad. You don’t need to reciprocate with a habitual offender.” TaliesinI
Another User Comments:
“NTJ As you’re probably aware, it’s not just $300. You would have to sign the bonds and would be responsible for repaying the remaining $2700 if your Dad failed to appear for his court date. And failure to appear is really common with active addicts…It’s really hard to keep track of court dates when you’re high. Tell Dad that you wish you could help but you can’t sign the bail agreement because you can’t pay the full $3k if he misses his date.” teresajs
17. AITJ For Not Wanting My Dad's Friend In My House During His Visits?
“I (F24) am the daughter of divorced parents. They separated when I was 3, and I’ve lived with my mom ever since. I had a good relationship with my dad growing up, but that changed when I was 14, after he started a new family.
Our regular meetups quickly became sporadic, and we drifted apart.
The house I live in belongs to my mom, but it was the family home before my parents divorced, so my dad is very familiar with it and the apartment complex. One of the residents in our complex is my dad’s best friend, Paul.
They’ve known each other for over 30 years, and my dad often refers to him as a “family friend.” However, neither my mom nor I like Paul.
Paul has a habit of ignoring boundaries, which makes us uncomfortable. On several occasions, he’s come into our home uninvited, often using flimsy excuses like maintenance issues.
The last time he visited, he stayed for over two hours, asked for coffee multiple times, and even went into our fridge without asking. I’m generally a welcoming person, but his entitled behaviour rubs me the wrong way.
Recently, my dad started a new job that requires him to drive past our house, so he’s developed a habit of stopping by once a week.
At first, I was excited to see him more often, but it quickly became clear that these visits weren’t what I expected.
Out of his usual four visits a month, three are spent with Paul. When I call to check when my dad will arrive, he’s often already at Paul’s place, and they show up at my door together.
They hang out in our living room for a couple of hours, drink coffee, and then leave. It feels like I’m just an afterthought.
Last week, I asked my dad to come over to watch a movie with me. He called to say he was at Paul’s and told me, “We’re coming in a minute.” That was the breaking point for me.
I told him I wanted to spend time with just him and that I didn’t want Paul in the house. When he asked why, I explained that I simply didn’t want Paul there.
My dad exploded. He accused me of being rude and kept saying, “Since when can’t Paul come to our house?” I reminded him that technically, this isn’t his house anymore and that if he wanted to hang out with Paul, they could do it somewhere else.
He hung up on me and never showed up.
I felt deeply hurt by his reaction. I thought spending time with me would matter more to him than Paul. Later, when I told my mom what happened, she said I did the right thing and reminded me that my dad can be dismissive and quick to anger when things don’t go his way.
Still, I can’t shake the guilt. Maybe I should’ve just tolerated Paul’s presence for the sake of keeping the peace, but I’m not sure. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your mom knows this truth about your father: he’s a steamroller and will use guilt (and a false sense of entitlement) to get what he wants.
Your mom needs to make it clear that Paul can’t come in. Unless he has an order from management for repairs, etc. and then you want verification of that. But no letting him stay forever. He may not have boundaries, but you and your mom can have them.
Also, let the manager know that you aren’t comfortable with Paul coming over, and due to previous interactions, you want a phone call in advance if he’s meant to do any maintenance. Follow up. As for your dad, let him be mad. He’s making his visiting you only on his terms. I’m sorry he’s such a disappointment.
You are a good daughter for protecting your home.” fernswordgirl432
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – You do not have to host creepy moocher Paul – ever. And you don’t even have to have an excuse for it (learn to say, “No” or “Sorry, that doesn’t work for me,” without an excuse.
If they ask why, just repeat it.), but “I wanted to hang out with just you,” to your dad is a perfectly valid one. I’m sorry your dad is prioritizing spending time with Paul over you. He’s trying to have his cake and eat it, too, by hosting Paul at your place where he doesn’t pay for groceries and utilities.
It’s very selfish of him.” MurnSwag2
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If you are not comfortable around someone for any reason, you should not be forced to be in that person’s company. Do not allow anyone to browbeat you into accepting the company of someone that you don’t like.
Time with you is not more important than time with Paul. If you wind up talking to your Dad about this at some point, be honest. I don’t know if that’s going to help with a personality type like your father’s but being honest is usually best.” Rondesu
16. AITJ For Only Staying For Meals At Family Holiday Gatherings?
“Would I be the jerk if I showed up to Thanksgiving dinner, Christmas, Christmas dinner just shortly before it starts and left shortly after I finished eating/opening presents?
Some context is that I don’t enjoy spending time with anyone in my family except for my sister and maybe 1 cousin (of the family members that live in my city).
Conversations always turn into politics or prying into my personal life, and a lot of them don’t listen to what you are saying they just wait for their turn to talk. I have tested this multiple times by asking for them to repeat what I had just said when it was clear they hadn’t listened to me.
I feel like I don’t need to explain why the politics are annoying (and yes I have told them multiple times that I don’t want to talk politics with them or ever), and the prying into my personal life is when they go deeper than “are you seeing anyone?” “Anything new?” And that type of stuff (which I have also told them is none of their business and I don’t want to talk about it).
For context I am single, live alone, have a decent career and am open about how I like my situation and am not currently looking to change it. I am also the type of person who doesn’t talk much and is usually just listening to everyone unless someone directly asks me something or I do.
Some more context is that I have basically stopped going over when invited to any other kind of dinner event or holiday for the same reasons or because I am always asked to help make some of the dinner or they ask for help with something.
I have no problem helping people when they need it but it started to feel like I was being invited to a dinner party to cook half of it, or they would only call when they wanted something or help with something.
I feel like I have rambled on and maybe none of this context matters.
I don’t know, I just get made to feel like a jerk by my family when I don’t want to do anything with them, I don’t mind making appearances for holidays that matter to them but I don’t want to do any more than that or stay for that long.
What do you guys think?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but if you do go just for dinner and such, those questions are still going to be asked, so might be better to not go if you’re not comfortable with questions. I’m the same way but I usually just ignore those people and concentrate on those that I’m there for and respect my boundaries” GuyFromLI747
Another User Comments:
“I am only invited to holiday dinners because they want me to cook for them. (After being at work, cooking since 5:30 am.) Some family issues happening…brother doesn’t like our dad’s new wife (live in a different state). (Won’t give her a chance.) She is nice and does a lot.
Now I was uninvited from from Thanksgiving and other important events in the year. I bought a massive T-bone steak for my dog and me to share. No pressure, no bs talking, don’t have to break down their turkey, make gravy or do the dishes.
This will be the best Thanksgiving I’ve had in a long time. Holidays are what you make it. Tell them you’re sick. Relax.” Electronic-Lab-4419
Another User Comments:
“Something you can do is go for dinner and tell them directly and specifically that if the talk turns political or intrusive, you might have to leave because you aren’t in the mood for that.
When the talk turns political, you can excuse yourself and say that while you enjoyed catching up, you’re not interested in talking politics, and you’d rather just go home. Be polite and respectful, but also be clear and firm. It makes it clear why you’re leaving, and it’s hard to be too upset with a move like that.
Good luck.” Swamptor
15. AITJ For Wanting My Freeloading Brother-In-Law To Contribute More?
“I’m 27 and my wife is (26), we have 3 children together and we live with my brother-in-law (20) and his mom in our house. Their mom moved in to help us with the kids and make it easier for us and, while working and doing side jobs she has.
My wife works in the medical field and works about 4 days a week. I’m currently in school (about to graduate) and I also stay home and take care of the kids while she is at work, but when she is off I go ahead and go Uber or whatever to make up the money that may be needed for gas/fun/emergencies.
We have sat with him since he lived with us in the last apartment to contribute.
The most he has contributed is when we forced him to sign up for FAFSA to start school and he got a fat check ($1600) and gave us $250. That was well and good but he’s lived with us for a total of about 7 months by just sleeping and playing video games, I have asked him to watch the kids on more than a few occasions but he hasn’t taken care of the kids, as almost every time (not every time) I come home to kids not changed and dirty and may have been for a while.
There have been a few serious arguments but all in all, I just don’t see any excuse for him anymore. He’s cool, me and him get along just fine but, he eats all the food, never buys groceries, never spends money when we all go out and expects us to cover him.
I just don’t know what else to do. Once I graduate we plan on moving and, we have decided not to bring him with us. AITJ or am I just sensitive about my food and fun?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Just wait until you can move and not bring him with you; this sounds like your best option, rather than blowing up your childcare situation with his mother.” eowynsheiress
Another User Comments:
“NTJ he’s had seven good (for him) months of freeloading. Make sure MIL is on board though or she may try to sneak him back in. Tell her if she lets him access your home/groceries etc then she’ll be out on her own too.” pixie-ann
Another User Comments:
“You can’t trust him to watch your kids if he doesn’t wanna do it. If he’s pushed too hard, he’ll be cruel to them. As long as he doesn’t leave marks on them he can scream at them and frighten them, leave them dirty and hungry till someone else gets home.
You would be further ahead to kick him out, and if grandma decides to move out with him because he’s more important than her grandbabies to her. Then one of the two of you quit your job because without paying for his groceries and electricity etc., etc. you could probably make it on only one of you working.” Grandmapatty64
14. AITJ For Confronting My Cousin About Her Negligent Parenting?
“My family seems to be nothing but poor parents. From my brother sitting on the car floor because there weren’t enough seats when he was 4 to the kids being allowed to do whatever they please with no consequence. My entire family including cousins all seem to raise the kids like this.
My cousin Jade has a nice property with a wood behind it that has nice trails for walks. Over the summer a bunch of us gathered there to hang out together. During the gathering my sister Emma, age 8 asked me to take her and 3 cousins on the trail.
I’m 27 and not the parents ever cared about who they let wander off with the kids, but I am one of the more trustworthy and responsible adults.
I knowingly took 4 kids with me. The oldest age 12, and the other 3 were 8. A few minutes into the trail I heard a noise behind me and stopped everyone.
I turned around to find my 3-year-old cousin Wesley! I guess he had followed us onto the trail.
I was annoyed he came only because I hadn’t known he was there and once again a parent had been irresponsible. We were already a few minutes into the trail so I just sighed, took his hand and brought him along.
I didn’t say anything to his mom. No point. Every time I tried I’d just be told I was “overprotective and paranoid”
Then later, the kids were all running around when suddenly Wesley stopped and started having trouble breathing. We were back at that point and his mom rushed over with an inhaler!
I had not known that kid had asthma! I needed to speak my mind and lay into her real good. Stuff like how irresponsible she was and all the things that could have happened. I wouldn’t have known what to do on that trail if he had an attack…especially since I didn’t even know he had asthma.
Mom got defensive of course. The rest of the family is on her side calling me overprotective and paranoid. And how he goes on that trail all the time and is fine, and how I’d obviously be smart enough to get help if needed.
She also told me she had seen him following us and therefore knew where he was and claimed that meant she was responsible.
I told her she wasn’t because she didn’t tell me, the adult, that he was coming. Which means he was left unsupervised for a few minutes.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It’s clear you care about the kids’ safety, and that’s commendable. But remember, setting boundaries is essential. It sounds like you’ve already gone above and beyond.
It’s not overstepping to be concerned, but it might be time to step back and protect your peace.” IndigoRiley
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It’s not about being overprotective, it’s about being responsible. You had no idea Wesley was there, and he has asthma knowing that would’ve changed how you handled the situation.
Parents should communicate, not just assume everything’s fine. You were right to speak up!” PetalPerfume97
Another User Comments:
“I think until you have kids of your own. You will always be told you are judging. Listen. You let them be irresponsible and you know that you wouldn’t let them watch your kids.
At the end of the day, the parents of said kids are very lucky to have you! I think you spend time with the kids and pay attention to what they need and the parents are paying attention to what they want and they need themselves.” Bright_Lake95
13. AITJ For Refusing To Care For My Parents' High Maintenance Dogs While They're On Vacation?
“I (26M) am the oldest of three along with siblings (22M, 18F) to my parents (50 M and F).
I got married this year and moved out to live with my now wife in May, but live only 15 minutes away from my parents. My 22M brother is away in college about 2 hours drive away. My 18F sister also just went away to college herself several states away so my parents are now “empty nesters”.
My parents also have two dogs who are very high maintenance. They are extremely active dogs that require 2 walks/runs at the park per day to get their energy out and they also go crazy when my mom is not home. When I have watched the dogs in the past I hardly get any sleep because the dogs are restless due to a change in their routine.
In the past when we have lived at home, it has not been much of a problem for one of us kids that lives at home to pick up the slack with the dogs if my parents are out of town. But my parents are going on a vacation for their anniversary in January for a week and have asked my brother and me to cover the responsibility of the dogs while they are gone.
This would involve one of us walking the dogs twice daily and staying overnight so they don’t get lonely or destroy anything.
Because my brother lives over 2 hours away from school, he cannot realistically go to class and come and go home during the weekdays.
Given that, the weekdays would be completely on me. I have a job that has an unpredictable schedule during the week, I might start early or end late on any given day so it would be extremely hard for me to commit to the routine of walking the dogs twice a day.
My wife and I also just got married and she works the night shift as well as every other weekend. I do not want to leave my wife at home when she is home and go to sleep at my parent’s house just because of the dogs.
I would not see her for almost a week because her night shift schedule and need to sleep during the day wouldn’t allow her to come with me. And if she happens to be off over that weekend, then I do not want to be responsible for the dogs on the rare weekend that we are both available to do something together.
Also, staying overnight at my parent’s house would wreck my sleep schedule because the dogs would stay up all night due to the change in routine.
I told my parents this reasoning and they told me I was a jerk because they felt that I was looking for reasons to get out of this instead of trying to make it work for their anniversary.
They told me that I am making this a bigger deal than it needs to be but I find it ridiculous to ask me to leave my wife for a week to stay at their house for the dogs.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your parents chose to high-maintenance dogs and they are responsible for their care when they go on vacation.
It’s not reasonable of them to expect you to disrupt your work, your family life and your sleep schedule just to accommodate them. You are an adult with your own life and responsibilities. They had plenty of time to plan this and should hire a dog sitter or use a boarding service, options they should explore instead of guilt-tripping you.
It’s not selfish to set boundaries especially if it disrupts your life. Just because you live nearby doesn’t make you their default solution. If they can’t see that they’re being inconsiderate, not you.” Yupkook
Another User Comments:
“They can ask and you can say no. But do keep in mind that if you are planning on having kids someday, you may want them to babysit and they might say no. It sounds like they are asking for 2 things – someone to sleep at the house and someone to walk and feed them.
Could they hire someone else for one job and you do the other?” Planted2468
Another User Comments:
“NTJ to be fair you are kind of looking for reasons to not watch the dogs. But they are asking a lot with high-energy dogs. There are plenty of places that would kennel the dogs for the week and offer walks and playtime.
Or they could hire a pet sitter to come stay at their home while they are gone. Would it be nice if you or a sibling could do it, yeah obviously but part of pet ownership is having backups if you need someone to watch them.” glamgrl203
12. AITJ For Not Lending My Friend Money To Buy A Concert Ticket?
“About a week ago, it was announced that a famous Kpop group was gonna come to my country and hold a concert in April. My (23F) friends A (21F) and D (19F) were so excited about this and so was I because I just had begun to listen to them, but we were anxious about the whole thing because we had 4 DAYS to prepare ourselves.
A told our friend group that she was gonna find a way to get funds, so I don’t get how she thought that I would be the one to lend her the funds for the ticket. I told her I was going to the concert thanks to my mom because she gifted the ticket to me as a Christmas present, otherwise, I wouldn’t have thought of going.
She then asked her parents for funds, at first they gave her hope but when she asked them a second time, they told her they didn’t have any so she wasn’t going. My friends and I felt bad for her since she had been a fan of the K-pop group for years and this was her only chance to see them live.
I talked to my mom about the situation and without me saying anything, she agreed to lend her the funds for the ticket. I immediately refused because 1) I didn’t know if she was going to pay me soon (more like her parents were since she doesn’t have a job and they can’t afford it right now), 2) she has had weird behaviour towards me and our friend group that for me is getting annoying since we haven’t been bad to her in any way.
And I have a little update from when I started writing this: A has told D that she hates me but didn’t give out a reason for it, but I’m assuming is because I’m going to the concert and I think she is jealous of me, not only this time but has ALWAYS been.
Maybe it is because we have different lifestyles and, from what she has told me and the rest of our friend group, her parents are not loving and caring and mine are in comparison. But I don’t know.
I didn’t tell my friends my mom wanted to lend A funds, and I feel a little guilty because it’s like I’m crushing her dreams, but at the same time, he hasn’t been a good friend to me.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Your mom was very generous to want to lend your friend the funds. But knowing that your friend had no job and likely had no way to pay your mom back, so your mom likely would be losing her funds, you didn’t follow through with her offer.
There’s nothing wrong with protecting your mother’s finances! It’s wise and considerate. Also, if this girl is running around telling people she hates you, please don’t make excuses for her. I’m sorry her parents aren’t supportive and that she has a different lifestyle, but this doesn’t give her an excuse to do something like this.
Jealousy is not an excuse. Someone who tells others she hates you is not your friend, and you get to walk away without guilt. Enjoy the concert! NTJ” Nester1953
Another User Comments:
“NTJ nobody is entitled to you or your mother’s funds. I recently went to something similar.
Look maybe you should rethink this friendship if you think your “friend” is jealous of you. Jealousy breeds contempt. It’s the last thing you need.” Allforus_13
11. AITJ For Wanting To Sit In My Reserved Seat On A Packed Train?
“I (26f) live in the UK and use trains a few times a year to travel to see family and friends. This situation has happened twice now and I’m not sure if it’s me who is thinking wrongly about this or not so I would appreciate the internet’s perspective.
Unfortunately, trains in the UK are quite often cancelled or delayed, leading to later trains having more passengers than seats available.
I have a physical disability and struggle to stand or lean for long periods so I always make sure to book train seats where I can.
Twice now I’ve had an experience where my train arrived as planned but previous trains on that route had been cancelled. As a result, the trains were then packed with passengers.
I went to my reserved seat and politely asked the person sitting in the seat if they would move so that I could sit.
They refused saying that they had had this seat reserved on the previous train which was cancelled. I questioned this saying that if their train had been cancelled then I would have thought their reservation no longer applied. And that my train and my reservation had not been cancelled so I should get to sit in the seat I paid for.
However, they still refused saying that as the previous train had been cancelled and as all those passengers were now getting this train my reservation no longer applied. I did my best to be polite and I didn’t mention my disability to them as I didn’t want to make a big drama, I just reluctantly accepted it.
But it has been bothering me.
I don’t know if this is just some aspect of train etiquette I’m unaware of. It just seems unfair to me, as I feel sorry for them that their train was cancelled but I don’t see why it should affect my seat reservation.
My partner agrees with me but we are both autistic and tend to think quite literally about rules so I’m aware we could be wrong.
So am I the jerk for expecting to be able to sit in my reserved seat when other passengers’ previous train was cancelled?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. In all forms of transit with reserved seating, if you are bumped from one voyage, you don’t get your pick of the next one, you get what is left over. Another commenter said you were the jerk here for accepting it, and while I understand wanting to not be the centre of a conflict, there’s also the simple fact that trains, especially, seem to function on the law of the jungle.
Either you make a show of strength, or you don’t, and to be honest, if you’re not going to call the conductor to make them give up the seat, you shouldn’t be asking at all. Do your trains have reserved seating but no priority boarding?
In the future, use your disability pass BEFORE anyone else gets on the train, and you should be able to avoid this completely.” rockology_adam
Another User Comments:
“A lot of times when there have been several cancellations they just can cancel the reservations on the following trains and just tell people to sit where there is space.
We’ve had to explain to everyone getting on at every other station that reservations were cancelled from the starting station. Then about two minutes after we left the station the conductor the announcement they were cancelled. Also happens when there is a shorter train.” shanna811
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You had a reservation for a specific seat on a specific train. That should be The other person may have reserved that seat but it was for a different train. If that train is cancelled, the seat reservation doesn’t automatically transfer to the next train (or any other subsequent train).
They are being ridiculous (and jerks).” Ducky818
10. AITJ For Wanting My Oldest Son To Walk Me Down The Aisle Instead Of A Grown Man?
“I (32f) am in the thick of wedding planning. I get to marry my childhood best friend, Dave(33m).
A little backstory so you get kind of a feel?
Dave and I have known each other our entire lives. Our families were both neighbours and best friends before and after we were both born, they took care of us when my father passed when I was 12. Dave and his family ended up moving during our sophomore year of high school but we remained close.
We both moved on with our lives. He met a woman and got married, then divorced 4 years later. I only had relationships with 2 people at that time, 1 of which I had a surprise baby with before he passed in a work accident. Dave and I have never been in a relationship or anything else until 5 years ago when we took the plunge.
We now have a second son together.
Since I don’t have my dad, it left me trying to decide who would give me away. My uncle Joe(54m) wants to, and my stepfather, John(50m) of 10 years wants to. I love them both dearly but it doesn’t feel right replacing my dad’s role.
My oldest asked if he could walk me. I thought it was a fantastic idea and would be super meaningful. As the bride, I feel that’s my choice. Apparently not though.
My mom(50f) hates it. She has been telling me nonstop that I have to choose my uncle or my stepdad because that’s how it’s supposed to be.
Yesterday, we went dress shopping and she finally snapped and told me that if I didn’t choose a grown man, she would keep my oldest and neither of them would attend my wedding because she was not going to allow me to embarrass my kid.
I admit, I had enough and yelled at her to stop her nonsense, the oldest requested to do it. I yelled that it was my wedding and my child and if she wanted to keep on, she would be uninvited.
We were both heated but now we are not speaking.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ I don’t see the problem at all… I completely agree with you that it’s a good idea, I don’t even think it bucks tradition if I’m being honest, I could see a widow with a dead father being walked down the aisle by her eldest son in the early 1900s I’m not a historian but I’d bet it happened occasionally.” FlyingFightingType
Another User Comments:
“NTJ You are a grown woman and YOU are the bride, not your mom. Do as you please! If I were you, I’d invite your mom to your wedding as the first order of the day. She doesn’t get to dictate to you wear, who walks you down the aisle or what flavor of wedding cake you will order.
Enough is enough. Stick to your boundaries now or forever be without peace.” LoveBeach8
9. AITJ For Trying To Contact My Long-Lost Daughter After Discovering Her Through A DNA Test?
“I (52M) and my (then) partner (52F) got pregnant when we were both 16. It was the late 80s, and both of our parents were very religious, so getting a medical procedure was out of the question. After ~4 months, she broke up with me, and her parents told me that there was going to be a closed adoption and that I wouldn’t meet the baby.
Being 16 years old, I just wanted to put this behind me and didn’t care about meeting the baby. A few days after that, they moved away and I haven’t seen any of them since.
Flash forward 36 years, I’m a divorced guy with no children.
Since then, I’ve regretted not keeping contact with my baby, but have not been able to find them. Now, there’s some family drama, and my family discovers that my Grandma was unfaithful to my Grandpa and that my dad is not his child.
This is related to the story, I swear. My grandma is long dead, so there’s no way to know who my Dad’s father is. To know a little more about his heritage, my dad gets a DNA test on one of those sites that gives your distant relatives and ancestry.
I’m sure you can see where this is heading.
You guessed it, a 35-year-old woman showed up as one of his relatives. He immediately had an idea of who she was and messaged me with her profile on the site. I thought it was finally my chance to get in contact with who I now knew was my daughter.
I found her on a social media platform and messaged her that I was likely her father and would like to meet her.
After a few days, she replied asking me how dare I talk to her after “what I did” and that I should never contact her again.
I have ao idea what she’s talking about, and neither does any of my family. Is there something that I’m missing? Maybe she thinks I abandoned her and is mad because I haven’t reached out to her in all this time. Or am I just not clued into something that she was told about me?
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Ordinarily I would say to respect someone’s choice for no contact. In this case, I think it would be appropriate to respond – one time. Keep it brief – very brief. “I apologize for intruding. Your mother’s parents told me there would be a closed adoption, and moved with your mother, leaving me no options.
I am sorry that your adoption was not a good one, and I will respect your wishes from here on out.” Either you will get no response, and there is nothing you can do, or at some point, whether a day a week or a year from now, you will hear back from her asking for more details about an adoption that never took place…” KrofftSurvivor
Another User Comments:
“Even if she was told a different history than what happened, as an adult she gets to choose who she has contact with. You did nothing wrong by reaching out. She has done nothing wrong by asking you to stay out of contact.
No jerks here.” mdthomas
Another User Comments:
“Gentle YTJ. You came in a little hot with wanted to meet, IMO. You have no idea what she was told, either by her adoptive parents, or her bio mom/grandparents, and frankly, it doesn’t sound like it was good stuff.
You also have to remember – this isn’t about you. While you now, 36 years later, are overjoyed to find her, she has spent her entire life grappling with being either adopted or raised by just her mom. Even if it was the best-case scenario for either of these, the abandonment trauma is real. I was raised by a mom who was adopted, and while she had an incredible adoptive family, she has always struggled with the “whys”.
She doesn’t owe you a relationship, nor does she owe you appeasement for your guilt. You need to leave her alone.” ellasaurusrex
8. AITJ For Refusing To Help My Old Friend Financially In His Illegal Activities?
“My story ain’t nothing new. I (M23) grew up poor with no father in the house, and my mom did the best she could but a lot of the time me and my sisters were left to fend for ourselves. Around 16 I got tired of not having money so I started getting involved in the streets.
I was involved pretty heavily for about 5 years until I got caught up for some possession with intent to distribute charges. I got a good lawyer who helped me get off with no jail time, but coming so close to doing some hard time made me reevaluate my choices and I decided to switch up how I was moving.
As soon as my probation officer let me move, I got out of my hometown and moved in with my sister in a different state. I got a legit job at an Amazon warehouse and decided to channel my ambitions into something greater by starting a rap career, which has been picking up steam over the last few months.
Still on probation but it is what it is.
Anyway, a couple weeks back one of my friends from home named Jermaine texted me for the first time since I got arrested, saying that he’d heard my music and wanted to link up if he ever came to my city.
I said sure and we met up for lunch at a diner near my job. I filled him in on my life, how I went legit and how the music was going. He was happy to hear that and then filled me in on how he needed some money to pay off this supplier I used to deal with.
I flatly told him no, that the whole point of me moving out here was to get away from the street stuff. He then called me out for being fake since he’d taught me how to move in the gam and told me helping him out was the least I could do.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It’s hard to get out of that life, so good job on making the moves to do so. You do not owe someone who is trying to pull you back down. Getting you back involved with the supplier is just a conversation away from “just do this run with me so I can pay it all off”, which quickly turns into you getting caught committing a felony on probation, which means you serving hard time.
Jermaine is not a friend. A friend would ask you for a leg up if they were in trouble, not trying to pull you back down. Jermaine should be asking for advice on how to go legit like you to pay off his debts. He’s not mad at you because you’re “fake”, he’s mad because he can’t control you anymore.
Still, stay safe. People can get dangerous when backed into a corner. It sounds like Jermaine is.” victim
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You aren’t fake. He’s being a lousy friend and isn’t your friend. He doesn’t care about you, he met you to ask for money.
That’s all. Ditch him and never meet with anyone associated with that part of your life again. You are doing good by doing things right, and I applaud you for trying to change your life!” helloitsgilly
Another User Comments:
“Have you watched comedian Josh Johnson?
He’s incredible. He did a bit about this – he had an old friend who wanted to borrow money and pay him back and it would have been to buy and sell and he was like no dude, that puts me in your ecosystem of illicit money” – and to be clear he is right – it’s breaking money laundering laws and a federal crime – you could still do time for that.
Tell him the least he could do is respect your boundaries. You don’t need friends who use you. Good for you for leaving and not getting stuck. I’m proud of you. You’re on the right track!! Keep going! Also, go check out Josh Johnson – he’s HILARIOUS.
7. AITJ For Refusing To Go On A Thanksgiving Trip My Husband Planned Without Me?
“I Lisa (42F) am married to John (58M). We have four children, mostly adults with no spouses and children of their own.
The last couple of years, we’ve travelled for Thanksgiving because family vacations are hard to schedule and some places are easier to get to for a shorter trip than our hometown.
This month two things happened at about the same time – 1) my husband announced that he’d booked our trip, including a $4K resort in NC without talking to me and 2) I learned that I am 8 weeks pregnant (surprise).
I was pretty upset inside, but tried to explain my thinking calmly and rationally. I was hurt he’d planned this without talking to me especially since we should be more financially conservative with a baby on the way, I don’t want to go to a place that was just basically wiped off the map by a hurricane, and NC doesn’t have good reproductive rights and I’m carrying a high-risk pregnancy.
I suggested we go to Vegas because it’s super fun and accessible, less expensive, we can get a good meal, and the reproductive rights there are pretty solid. Plus, I won’t be able to enjoy places like that for a while after the baby comes.
He countered by telling me that he *never* gets to pick the vacation spot, we have the money, he’s been to Vegas, and we should be supporting NC. Oh, and “just great” he never gets to choose the vacation and it will be even more limited after the baby comes.
I know the risks are generally low, but we work in medicine and I know the CYA mentality. I don’t want to have an emergency with this pregnancy and end up sitting in an ER bleeding, while people debate what they’re allowed to do.
I said, since we clearly can’t agree and there seems to be some baggage here, I’m just not going anywhere and I’m not doing family Thanksgiving. He can go where he wants but I’m going to stay home and chill. AITJ for not going on a family trip for Thanksgiving?”
Another User Comments:
“Mostly NTJ Although, your marriage is showing signs of being broken, and I’m not sure you’re helping or giving the full story. Weirdly, your husband would just book a vacation without telling you or saying “I never get to pick the vacation.” It’s also combative to say “I’m just not going with the family”.
There has to be a discussion. I don’t know why anyone would purposefully book a vacation to a place that just got hit with a hurricane. All strange” RandomizedNameSystem
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You’re pregnant, and you’ve got every right to be concerned about your high-risk pregnancy.
Plus, you want to be more careful with money, especially with a baby on the way. Your hubby should’ve talked to you before booking that trip, and you don’t want to deal with a potential emergency in a place that’s not safe. You’re just looking out for yourself and your baby!” KimberlyThomas754
6. AITJ For Not Paying My Partner Back After His Rent Payment Mistake?
“My partner (25M) and I (30F) just moved to a new state together. We both have jobs; I’m making six figures, and he’s making about 20k less. As such, we decided I would pay 60% of the rent and bills, and he would pay 40%.
So far, I have paid all the bills, as well as groceries, his pets’ food and a new hide (as well as all the meal planning, cooking, unpacking, and cleaning, but we are talking money here). He initially asked me to cover his portion of the rent this month because he just bought a new car.
I agreed on the condition he paid me back when he got paid. I have an auto payment set up for 60% of the rent. October 1st rolled around, and that morning, I got a notification saying my autopayment went through, which reminded me to also pay his 40%.
When I get into the account, it shows that I have paid my 60%, but he never turned off or changed his autopay feature, and ended up paying the full rent payment. So, we are now overpaid $1137, or 60%. This cannot be returned to my bank account.
He then said, since I “didn’t pay rent this month”, that I needed to send him my portion of the rent. I refused and sent him screenshots proving my 60% came out. I said I would be happy to front him 758 for this month since I had already agreed to pay it for him, and then he only needs to pay 379 the next month, but he argued and stated that I needed to pay him my full 60%.
It goes back and forth, and eventually, I get angry enough to tell him I’m not giving him anything and that it makes no sense that I should pay my amount twice in a month just because he made a mistake.
Now he’s saying that I’m basically stealing from him, that I won’t pay rent for two months now thanks to him (I fully plan to continue to pay my portion of the rent; he is already aware of this), and is telling me that I am only here to mess him over and ruin every aspect of his life.
So…AITJ here?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Look at the bright side. Now you know not to marry this guy and let there be no chance of having a child, so you don’t have to deal with this type of attitude for the remainder of your life.
Of course, you just moved in and are stuck far from where you lived, so you will probably have to put on a smile, relax, and play house for a while as you plan your exit strategy.” Scenarioing
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, It’s his mistake, but he wants you to bear the consequences: either he’s very dumb and doesn’t understand this, or he’s a brat.
Either way, his saying he thinks you’re just here to mess him over and ruin every aspect of this life is…rather charming. Separately, though, why are you paying 60%? You say you make six figures, and he makes 20k less. Assuming you make 100 and he makes 80, you should be paying 55%.
If you’re making higher than 100, then actually your share is even lower. I would double-check my math if I were you… It also sounds as though you split the rent 60 /40, but then you cover all the other bills. Why??” Equivalent-One-5499
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, You agreed on a 60% / 40% split.
You paid your 60%, he screwed up his autopayment and paid 100%. If anything, that means the extra 60% he paid would go to the future months in terms of breakdowns. Sounds like he needs to grow up and figure out how to manage his finances.” Shadow5h0t
5. AITJ For Intervening In My Fiancé's Argument With Our Uber Driver?
“My [32F] new fiancé [33M] went out for a lovely dinner last night. My fiancé is a wonderful man, but he does get a little hot-headed, especially after a few drinks.
When we finished our meal, I called an Uber, and from the beginning, he and the driver didn’t like each other. I accidentally knocked over something on the floor of the car while getting in, which the driver reached behind him to fix. He happened to reach near the box we had from the restaurant to fix it, which prompted my fiancé to demand, “What are you doing?” in an agitated voice.
The driver explained what had happened, and I apologized for knocking over the item.
When we got back to the house, my fiancé told me that he was going to let the driver know that his GPS directions were too loud. Knowing the tense interaction between them earlier, I insisted that he not do this and that we just go home.
But as the driver parked, he started saying this anyway, not getting out of the car. At this point, I am aware that he’s inebriated, so I walk around to his side and pull him out of the car. He’s still arguing with the driver.
He and the driver, who has rolled down his window, keep yelling at each other. I asked the driver to please leave and apologize for my fiancé’s behaviour — he truly was the instigator in the situation. Finally, the driver pulls off.
When we got inside, my fiancé confronted me, angry that I hadn’t just let him “talk it out” with the driver.
I felt it was my responsibility to de-escalate the situation since he was inebriated and not making the best decisions, but he thought this was a situation between men that he wanted to handle and that by intervening, I disrespected him. He told a friend who agreed with him, accusing me of acting more like his mom than his partner.
Also, this incident happened on my account, so if the driver gives us a low passenger rating, it will affect only me!
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“I was seeing someone like this. Made all the excuses in the world. And one day, his stupid, inebriated mouth caught up with him, and he said the wrong thing to the wrong people.
He was attacked by multiple guys and needed reconstructive facial surgery. He didn’t deserve what happened at all, but if he hadn’t been a jerk, it wouldn’t have happened. We both have PTSD from it, but he is still a jerk when he drinks.
Now that we aren’t together, I’m so grateful all the time that I didn’t end up de-escalating situations all the time. NTJ, but ask yourself seriously if you like that aspect of his personality and if it’s worth being with forever.
I’m guessing, based on the fact that you only care about the Uber score, you’re fine with it, but if you’re not you need to figure out if he can change or if you can stand it if he doesn’t change.” barrie247
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, and you’re not going to like this, but your fiancé’s behaviour is an issue. Getting inebriated and picking fights with strangers is not normal. You need to have an honest talk with your friends and family about how he comes across to them.
And you need to talk to him and at least convince him to go to couples therapy with you to get this behaviour sorted out before you walk down the aisle.” ClodaghSnarks
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You need to get out of this relationship. Do NOT tie yourself to a man who can’t comport himself in public and who turns aggressive and abusive with a drink.
Seriously, you are about to sign yourself up for a lifetime of escalating behaviour. Get out.” SaveBandit987654321
4. AITJ For Wanting My Mom To Learn Basic Tech Tasks While I Live With Her?
“I (32F) recently moved back in with my mom (62F). This is a temporary measure, and I will move out in 6 months. While living with my mom, I’ve taken on most of the household tasks, including being her IT support. Now, I am very grateful for the opportunity to save some money while living here, so I’ve been doing everything she’s asked me to do.
Set up your printer? Sure no problem. Hook up your phone to your car’s Bluetooth. Sure, no problem.
However, I’m starting to become frustrated with her lack of willingness to learn how to do these tasks herself, especially those I keep repeating for her. Once I move out, she’ll be on her own again, and I’d love for her to have some technological independence.
I’m also starting to feel like this is less of “technology is too complicated for me” and more of weaponized incompetence. She asked me last night to swap the SIM card in her phone (something she’s gotten me to do multiple times before) and I said okay, but this time I want you to watch me do it so you know how to do it in the future.
She flipped out on me, called me ungrateful and said that I should be doing what I was told to do since I was living under her roof.
She’s not an idiot; she’s a licensed professional engineer. She can learn, and I won’t be around to help her any longer.
I asked what she would do if she needed to swap the SIM card in her phone, and I wasn’t around, and she said she’d throw the phone out and get a new one. Seriously?
I didn’t refuse to help her, I just wanted her to watch so she knew how to do it.
The whole give a man a fish vs teach a man to fish. So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ at all. I even tried to make up a whole written tutorial for my mom once on how to use her computer. It’s just laziness. People have no business buying something they don’t know how to work.
You don’t owe it to her to be constantly doing (the same!) technology requests for her.” Aggravating-Item9162
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. I work in IT, so believe me when I say I understand the frustration of dealing with people who have no interest in learning how to help themselves and expect someone else to do it for them.
That said, you’re living there rent-free, right? Helping her out with IT tasks is a pretty fair deal for living somewhere rent-free for an extended period. Save as much money as possible; stop being her go-to IT person when you’re gone. It can’t last forever.” deefop
Another User Comments:
“Soft YTJ-I understand your frustration, as I sometimes feel the same when helping my parents with tech. However, I try to remember that at some point, there will come a time when my parents are no longer around, and I will miss being able to do things for them and, at the same time, spend time with them.
Also, they are still patient when I need them to explain things or their help (just as your mom has been by allowing you to move back in with her, even for a short time).” Impressive_Moment786
3. AITJ For Not Inviting My Busy Friends To A Spontaneous Burger Night?
“Okay, so basically, two of my friends (let’s call them Ray and Jay) have inconsistent schedules.
They always work weekends and have random weekdays off. They don’t even get out at the same time each day, sometimes working as late as 11, so it’s impossible for us ever to plan things. My other friend (John) and I work M-F, 9 to 5 jobs, so we usually hang out on weekends.
Well, John and I got some Wagyu patties a while back and decided to make Smash burgers. I didn’t bother inviting Jay and Ray because they both worked that weekend. It doesn’t make sense to ask someone you know who can’t attend, right? John and I made these amazing burgers, so I sent an image to the group chat (I always post my dishes there), and Jay got super upset that I didn’t invite him even though he couldn’t attend.
So he blew up and proceeded to insult the burgers (even though they were just meat and cheese, and he’s the kind of guy who orders fried rice with no veggies….) and insult me by calling me white (I’m not) and then randomly went on a rant about how I’m too much of a liberal?
He claimed I never invite him to things, but every time I tried he was either at work or his wife wouldn’t let him (and that’s an entirely other topic…). So he decided then and there to end a 13-year-long friendship, but he hasn’t responded to the ground chat and left the Discord server.
On the one hand, I miss my friend a lot, but on the other hand, if he has the emotional intelligence of a toddler and this is how he truly feels, then I guess there is nothing I can do about it. I don’t know.
John and I feel like we did nothing wrong, but Ray and Jay think I’m absolute scum.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I’ve been in the same situation as you, and it annoys me that people like that exist. Although some may argue that you should’ve at least mentioned it to them so that they know you’ve thought of them, I don’t see the need to let them know if you know they won’t be available, regardless of whether you invited them or not.
Just childish behaviour shows how something that small was all that was needed for him to end a friendship.” FlexWerth
2. AITJ For Refusing To Watch Gilmore Girls With My Daughter?
“My 28-year-old daughter Jessica moved back in with me and her father (my husband) 6 months ago. She split with her live-in partner and will save up at home. The one big difference she and I have always had is that she LOVES watching TV. She is always watching something or as she says “doing a rewatch” and all of that.
I never really got into TV.
Jessica started “doing a rewatch” of a show she must have seen a dozen times, Gilmore Girls. It is a show about a very entitled and bratty mother and daughter who constantly yell and scream at each other and everyone around them.
Over the years while she has watched it, I’ve seen enough to know that I just do not like it. I think the show relies on the viewer to find the yelling matches endearing or the “quirky” cast of side characters to be charming.
It’s just not for me. I could explain more about what I don’t like but I don’t think anyone wants that.
But Jessica asked me if we could do this one together because it would be a great mother/daughter bonding time. I asked her how we would be bonding by sitting down and watching the TV and she said it would just be the experience.
I told her that I was sorry, but I just genuinely disliked the show AND that I was not interested in watching hours and hours of, TV to begin with. I told her that I would be happy to watch a movie with her every week.
She didn’t want to do that.
And now I’ve hurt her feelings and she’s angry with me because I won’t sit and watch a TV show I dislike with her. I don’t like to hurt her feelings, but I also cannot imagine how much time I’d be wasting just sitting there watching a show about overly privileged people screaming at each other.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. You’re allowed to not like the show, but have you suggested any alternate activities to do together? Your daughter was reaching out for connection and hoping that a show about the strong bond between a mother and daughter would be good for relating to her mother.
My guess is there’s a reason she enjoys the fantasy of a strong mother-daughter relationship in Gilmore Girls.” arsenal_kate
Another User Comments:
“So, my brother was in a fatal car wreck in his early twenties and he had asked my dad to watch a show and my dad brushed it off because my dad preferred working on his woodworking projects rather than “wasting time.” My brother never expressed hurt so much, but I think he was trying to find something they could do together.
Then one night, he went out with his friends and never came home. My dad watched every season of the show and asked if I’d watch it with him. I wasn’t a fan, and neither was he, but we watched it to remember my brother.
The show? The Dukes of Hazzard. I can assure OP that if she lost her daughter, you bet she would regret not watching the Gilmore Girls with her.” Fourdogsaretoomany
Another User Comments:
“Light YTJ if you consider spending time with your daughter “time I’d be wasting just sitting there watching a show.” I’m not a Gilmore Girls fan, but my wife loves it.
I bought her the entire box set and watched it all with her. I survived. You would too. There are parts of the show that are enjoyable. Lorelei’s mom is pretty funny.” tfelsemanresuoN
1. AITJ For Not Inviting My Horrible Mother To My Wedding?
“My mother has never been kind to me in private. She always seems like the perfect mother to outsiders but acts like a different person when others aren’t around. She consistently makes comments on my appearance, weight, husband, and life choices. In the past, she has called me names like “piggy”, said I look like a little boy, and even commented on my husband’s appearance and weight.
All that said, we recently booked a courthouse wedding and were told that we could have guests beyond our two witnesses. We had already invited my father, my husband’s mother, and my brother plus his fiancée so we were hoping that inviting her would remove the risk of drama and avoid making her upset over missing out on our wedding.
During the call, we hadn’t even gotten to the exciting part of inviting her to the wedding when she started commenting on how much weight I’d gained. At this point, I gently tried to redirect the conversation, when she told me she hoped never to get pregnant because my body already looked “too fat” and it would make it worse.
She is fully aware that we are trying for a baby and have been struggling for over a year now to conceive. I promptly hung up without inviting her to the wedding.
We recently got a call from an aunt who had been contacted by my mother after she found out that we had the wedding without her.
She was livid and inconsolable asking how we could do such a thing. I am exhausted and over being treated like garbage by my own family. I don’t want to bad mouth my mother to her family or friends, but I also want them to understand that it is her actions that led to this happening.
My husband thinks I should cut off anyone who supports how my mother has treated me over the years, as he says that they are aware of her behaviour. I am so stuck because I love my family. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Addressing this specific situation, you can invite whomever you want to your wedding.
Addressing the issue of your mother, she is awful and you don’t deserve that. I know (from experience) how hard it is to go low or no contact with one’s mother. But, you’re trying to have a baby, do you want your little girl to witness you being treated horribly or to be treated herself?
You should practice standing up for yourself, hopefully, you will have someone you *have* to stand up for soon!” Arianoor
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Your wedding should be a happy and exciting day for you and your husband, so why on earth would you invite a relative with such negative energy to be part of your day?!
If your mother or your aunts or anyone bombard you with How could you do that??”, simply tell them that it was YOUR wedding day and you weren’t about to let anyone rain on your parade. By the sounds of it, your mother would have spent more time critiquing everything from the courthouse to the flowers to your dress to the shape of the clouds in the sky to the flavour of the cake to your husband’s lapel flower to everything under the sun.
It would have put a damper on your day and you refused to allow that to happen. If they don’t like it, that is their problem to work out. Congrats and put as much distance you need to in between your happy family and the toxic parties.” Aggressive_Cattle320
Another User Comments:
“To all the nosy sods unable to keep out of the drama. ” I called to try and invite my mother. I kept getting cut off by her commenting on my weight, how she hoped I wouldn’t get pregnant and other emotionally abusive comments.
Any time I tried to redirect the conversation she shut me down to the point where I hung up in tears. I realized I did not need that attitude at my wedding. Nor my life. I am going low contact now and I would appreciate your understanding.” NTJ” Sassypants2306
