People Can't Be Friendly In These 'Am I The Jerk?' Stories
21. AITJ For Refusing To Adopt My Ex's Controlling Parenting Approach And Maintaining A Fair Curfew?
“Our sons, almost 21 and 19, (they’re 15 months apart) have been going from their dad’s house and my house quite regularly for the past couple of years.
Their dad has money, and I, unfortunately, have been disability retired for several years. I’ve always been able to take care of my boys so that isn’t an issue.
Our almost 21-year-old has been dealing with mental health issues for at least six years now, while my youngest, 19, has anger issues.
All of these things I’ve been trying to get help for through our country’s (Canada’s) healthcare system. Without extra medical insurance, mental health inpatient rehab costs at a minimum of $26k to $100k. The waitlists for any free online courses/classes are over four months and are truly ineffective.
Three family counseling sessions are at least three months away.
I, along with my father (because my ex only respects his opinion), met with my ex and our two sons. My ex decided that our almost 21-year-old would not be allowed to leave the house outside of work after we all agreed that respectful consideration would be had by all of us.
No controlling attempts would be made, and no disrespectful home return times enforced. As soon as we went back to my house, my ex sent a text saying, “You better make sure he doesn’t go out tonight” (he left his car at his dad’s so he didn’t have to get bombarded with messages).
My son and I talked. I asked him what time he felt was fair for him to come home (as we have a new fur baby that I adopted last Saturday who is one year old). We agreed on 12:30. No demand, no trying to control, just mutual consideration.
He came back at 12:31, lol.
His dad was spamming me until he texted, “I’m guessing son is out and you don’t want to tell me.” I waited until my son returned, and I messaged my ex-husband back that, of course, I did not want to talk to him about it.
He verbally and emotionally mistreats all of us. I said that we had agreed upon the timeframe for him to come home. Our son complied, so I don’t need any crap from you implying I’m a bad mum in any way. I’d rather be reasonable, fair, and respectful of our sons, instead of being a controlling jerk so that they resent you so much that they completely lose contact.
So AITJ for sticking to my parenting style that worked for 20+ years, or should I enact my ex’s nonsense parenting of our two sons?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Okay so I first want to say that I’m just a bit older than your sons, but my mom’s friend is in a very similar situation to you with her sons’ mental health (also Canadian) so I just want to say I feel for you and what your family is going through, it’s definitely not easy.
“Ex decided that almost 21 y/o wouldn’t be allowed to leave the house outside work.” – Your son is 21. No one has any say over when he goes out but him. It’s one thing to expect him home at a reasonable hour as someone who lives with him.
But his dad can’t just flat-out restrict his movement. It doesn’t matter what mental health issues he has going on, he’s an adult. No sense in treating him like a child when that’s not how the legal and medical systems work.
You say your ex-husband wants to “co-parent,” but you don’t have children anymore. You have adults who are legally responsible for themselves unless a court has deemed otherwise necessary.” Fun_Effective6846
Another User Comments:
“Not a controlling man swooping in after years of absence, thinking he suddenly knows best…
Sorry, you have to deal with that. NTJ. You’ve been the primary parent for two decades, your son is an adult, and your approach based on mutual respect and communication is far more effective than enforcing arbitrary restrictions. Your mostly absent ex doesn’t get to dictate your parenting style—especially when his method is based on coercion and manipulation.
You set a reasonable expectation, your son respected it, and that should be the end of it. Your ex’s sudden need to control things after all these years is about his own power, not what’s best for your kids. Stick to your guns.” Els-09
Another User Comments:
“Ok, you do need to reblock him. I know you say you keep the line of communication open in case the boys fight each other at their dad’s house (which, what the heck?) but honestly, what are you supposed to do if that occurs?
What good is your ex not being blocked going to do in that situation? If one of the boys wants you to help de-escalate, they can call or text you from their own phone. You said your ex doesn’t try to stop them, so why would he notify you if that situation occurred?
Teaching common courtesy (letting housemates know when to expect you home and letting them know if that changes) aside, it’s time to let your boys grow up a bit. Remind them that as adults, visiting or staying with either parent is a choice they are making.
And it is a choice they can change at any time.” Sea_Celi-595
20. AITJ For Kicking My Neighbour's Garbage Bins When Their Trash Blocked My Driveway?
“New neighbor moved in, and she was nice enough at first, but she has a serious problem with how she handles garbage days. I’m not sure how the heck one woman can create so much garbage.
She will have her bins out, but they’re always overfilling. Many times, I’ve come out of my driveway to go to work only to see a pile of spilled-over fresh garbage sitting right in front of my driveway after the raccoons got to it, or see all her bins blocking my car from leaving.
I’ve spoken to her many times about this, and she always says that she does, and claims it must be getting moved around by the wind or knocked over by raccoons, lol. There is no way in heck that all that garbage is getting blown around by the wind.
The raccoon part, I believe, might be true, but there are locks on the garbage bins for a reason, and if you can’t close them because there’s too much trash, that’s a YOU problem.
Lately, even when I know she’s home, she will ignore me at her door.
I always back out of my driveway, and I see bins blocking my path. I tolerate moving them out of the way, even though it really infuriates me terribly every morning. What I can’t tolerate is when raccoons get into her crap, and as I’m backing out, I see piles and piles of freaking garbage blocking my path.
I’ve had to use a shovel to get it out of the way.
I’ve been waking up a bit earlier to move her garbage, and the other day, I asked myself, “Why the heck am I going out of my way to help this stupid idiot?” I took a good look at her bins and just kicked them as hard as I could over to her side, and the garbage spilled over to her driveway instead of mine.
I’ve noticed now that she is slowly learning to take proper care of her garbage, and sometimes she even puts it on the other side of her driveway. She has been a lot better lately, but not perfect. She sometimes now locks the bins, hinges them, and keeps them on the other side of the street, but whenever I catch them in front of my driveway, I will kick them back to her side.
I told my wife about it, and she said that this is so “pathetically low” of me. She doesn’t have to wake up and deal with someone else’s crap, so I don’t really expect her to understand — or maybe I am just a jerk.
I feel like I’ve done my part by being nice; I don’t care anymore.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and while not the same situation, I had a heavy drinker living below me in my flat (or apartment for US people). He’d fill up my non-recycling bin with cans and other stuff which meant the recycling/bin men would get annoyed and not take my bins to empty.
I finally got annoyed and put locks on my bins. Sometimes you have to just lose your temper a bit and show people you’re serious for them to take the situation seriously. He never did it again! Your neighbor is slowly learning and no, you’re not being pathetically low, your neighbor was being disrespectful.
It doesn’t make more effort to keep it to her driveway and lock the bins, as she has shown now..” Empressario
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – To be fully petty in my response, your wife is the pathetic one. Make her get up to deal with it and see what different approaches she’ll take.
And call her bluff too. Tell her, ‘Fine, from now on, you’re on trash duty,’ since she knows she can handle it all so much better, lol. Again, NTJ, you’ve done everything you could to communicate and accommodate. Your neighbor showed bad faith and indifference to the inconvenience she caused you and even went as far as to ‘ghost’ you.
You were fully in your right to have kicked her bins over to teach her a lesson that only experience will allow to sink in. Good on you!” FaeryTale16
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. The second time, I would have moved her bins to the middle of her driveway and shoveled the trash back onto her lawn, and she could clean it up.
I live on a corner lot, and people love to toss their trash out as they enter/exit the community, and it’s irritating to have to clean up a lazy person’s garbage.” Lazuli_Rose
19. AITJ For Refusing To Impose A Grandfather Role On My Kids?
“My (36M) father passed away when I was 20, and my mother didn’t cope well. She got better with time, but she didn’t attempt to pursue another relationship until 15 years later. She has been in a relationship with “Jim” for two years.
I don’t hate Jim, but I don’t like him either.
He drinks a lot (my mother has had to cancel on us several times because he was intoxicated), has made several offensive jokes to my brother (43M) that I didn’t appreciate, and is overall a pretty unpleasant person to be around. Still, he seems to genuinely love my mother and makes her happy, so my brother and I don’t interfere.
One problem I do have with the relationship is that my mother has been trying to get my children (9M and 5F) to form a “grandparent bond” with Jim. He’s also been trying to take on a grandfather role, which neither my wife nor I want for the kids.
They don’t try to push boundaries too much, but we’ve had some minor arguments in the past.
Anyway, my daughter had her first-ever dance recital last December. There was a limit of four guests per child. The kids usually ask us to invite one of their grandparents to events like this, but my mother was out of town (I didn’t even ask her) and my in-laws were busy.
Instead, my daughter invited my brother to join me, my wife, and our son.
My mother and Jim came to visit us during the weekend, and she saw pictures from the recital for the first time in a photo album. She asked why my brother was there and not her, and I reminded her she was traveling at the time.
She said, “Well, Jim was in town.”
I’ll be honest, we didn’t even think of inviting Jim back in December, and neither did my kids. I told my mother that it was my daughter who chose to invite her uncle, and we respected that.
Then Jim turned to my daughter and told her that she could invite him next time Grandma wasn’t around. My wife chimed in and said she could invite whoever she wanted.
After they left, my mother called me. She said she was upset that we weren’t making any efforts to welcome Jim into the family and that we were depriving our children of a wonderful grandfather.
I told her that we would never force our children to like him or spend time with him if they didn’t want to, and that wasn’t up for discussion. We ended up having an argument over this before I hung up on her. I spoke with a few family members yesterday who think I’m being too harsh on Jim.
So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ This was your daughter’s dance recital and it was hers to decide who to invite. You showed excellent parenting here allowing her to make mature decisions and backing her decisions. You showed her that not only is she capable of making mature decisions, you have her back.
This was a situation that had absolutely nothing to do with your mother or Jim. Their immaturity inserted themselves into your daughter’s decision in a childish attempt to manipulate her into regretting her decision and making her feel like the “bad guy.” You again showed stellar parenting by continuing to back up your daughter and by respecting her autonomy.
Your mother sounds like she was a different person before she met Jim. You write almost fondly of her prior to being in a relationship with Jim. For her sake, I hope she hasn’t disregarded your or your brother’s opinion of her in place of Jim’s acceptance of her.
As for you and your immediate family, you sound like you have your priorities in check.” OrnerySnoflake
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Every day we see stories here about folks trying to force people who aren’t family to be treated as if they are. Jim is your mom’s partner.
You treat him with respect, but he isn’t immediately owed some grandfather role just because he’s with your mom. Who could blame you? He’s just in a relationship with your mom. He could be gone next week and Mom could find someone else. She’s not going anywhere, but he’s temporary.
And even if he wasn’t, he still isn’t owed anything.” NotCreativeAtAll16
18. AITJ For Opting Out Of My Sister's Dubai Wedding Over A 17K Loan Lie?
“So my younger sister (Katie 28F) and her partner (Chris 29M) are getting married in April in Dubai.
She has always wanted an extravagant wedding and is going all out on this – so the wedding is happening over four days. There are 70 guests, but they want us (me, my husband, and parents) to stay in the same hotel with them along with her bridesmaids (which I am MOH) and groomsmen – the hotel is pretty luxurious, so with flights it is costing us just over £2900 each.
Chris’s family is also staying in the hotel, which includes his parents, two brothers, and his nephew.
They are well off. I don’t know exactly how much they earn combined, but I know Katie earns 88k and she is the lower earner. But about six months ago, Chris and Katie came to us and asked to borrow £17k more.
They stressed it would be a loan to be repaid over time and said the venue had increased in price, that Dubai law was different, blah blah blah – they paid this money or they lost the lot. We believed them, and I offered to loan £7k while my parents provided the other £10k.
So, long story short, I have since found out through someone else that the £17k wasn’t for the venue – it was for Chris’s family to fly over there. They saw how much it was going to cost; they didn’t want to pay and refused to go.
I asked Katie, and she confirmed, so my first question was: if they were paying for his parents, why not pay for ours? (I would never expect them to pay for me – even if we couldn’t afford it, I would have wished them well and stayed at home).
And her answer was, “Because they can afford it.” She got very defensive and said this was the fairest way she could think of handling it; it’s hard enough planning a wedding, etc. But when I asked, “If you genuinely thought this was the fairest way to do it, why did you lie about what the £17k was for and say it was a venue issue?” she couldn’t answer.
My parents are aware and are very disappointed that they lied, but they have said they’re still attending. However, I have backed out. To me, it feels like my parents are being taken advantage of; and if they couldn’t afford to pay for both our parents and Chris’s parents, and his brothers and nephew, then they shouldn’t have just paid for the four parents or no one at all.
And they especially shouldn’t have lied about it.
Katie and Chris keep calling and asking me to attend, saying that I’m making them feel bad and ruining their day. But the whole thing just feels… icky to me. I’m genuinely an open book, so be brutal: Am I being a jerk here?
Should I just suck it up and go?”
Another User Comments:
“Wait a second. Not only are they not paying for your parents, they’re having your parents pay for his? That’s like a double whammy. I don’t know if you should go or not. Your choice will have a long-lasting impact on your relationship with your sister.
Only you can decide if that is worth salvaging.” Normal-Reward7257
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Not only did the two of them lie to you and your family, but they are setting up an unhealthy dynamic for both families’ relationships going into the future. Honestly, if she is willing to lie about this now, what else will she lie about to you all in the future, especially when dealing with her in-laws, or at the request of her husband?
Your sister and her fiancee should feel bad – they pulled a con job on you and your family, and they have shown no contrition about it – they only say that you are making them feel bad. Not that they recognize that they did anything wrong.” bamf1701
Another User Comments:
“NTJ: I can’t blame them for paying for another family who might not be able to afford it. I can, however, blame them for lying about what the money was for. If they had come to you and your parents and explained that the groom really wanted family there but they couldn’t afford it and asked for a loan to cover them, that would have been fine.
But the lying is not okay.” SamSovern
17. AITJ For Asking My Partner To Shower More Frequently?
“My partner really only showers once a week, twice if I’m lucky. Typically we go to the gym together, and I’ve often asked her why she doesn’t shower, and she always comes up with things like “Oh, women don’t really sweat much, and I sweat very little even by women’s standards.” And I don’t buy it because I can smell it.
I used to just suck it up because I know she’s extremely sensitive. Kinda NSFW here, but this even affected our intimate life. I used to love being intimate with her, but after not showering after workouts/long work days, etc., I’ve lost interest.
Fast forward a bit.
She now starts using the sauna at the gym. Maybe on average 2 times a week.
She. Still. Refuses. To. Shower. I’ve said “There’s just no way you don’t sweat in the sauna; just me sitting 5 minutes in there gets me soaked.” She says she doesn’t sweat much there either.
And she sits there for 20 minutes.
Things are now worse. I can smell her very badly, almost to the point where I try not to breathe in too close to her because it’s not good. I’ve tried for so long to give hints to get her to shower more, like: “Hey, do you want to take a shower together?” But she can’t take the hint, and says “Why would we do that, there’s only room for 1 under the water anyway”….
One evening, she wanted to lie down on the floor and stare at a world map she had. She invited me to lie down next to her and just talk about where we want to go, etc. I lasted for about 1 minute before I had to make up some dumb excuse as to why I had to get up.
She then gets upset and says something along the lines of “Why are you leaving? You never do stuff with me.” The truth is, I just can’t be close to her for long. I’m not even sure if I started to resent her, because it was only this one thing that was bugging me in the relationship.
But maybe I did, and that’s my fault for being bad at communicating with her.
Anyway, I couldn’t hold it any longer. I tried one last time to ask if she wanted to take a shower with me to show I did want to do stuff with her, but she declined. Then I said “I know you say you don’t sweat, but I can smell.
I don’t like the smell of sweat, etc., and it is a popular gym we go to, I would just appreciate if you shower a bit more.”
She freaked out. WW3 started. She accused me of things and asked if I found her disgusting, etc. It almost felt like she wanted me to think she was disgusting for some upsetting reason—like this was an easy way to create distance between us, have less intimacy, and all that.
I’m not sure, maybe I’m overthinking it. It’s just to me, it feels awfully obvious to shower if not daily, at least every other day. She said she doesn’t want to shower her hair often, but still, you can shower your body.
Our relationship is borderline over because I hurt her, so AITJ?
What could I have done differently?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I wouldn’t be surprised if she has some sort of phobia or OCD about the shower if she’s showering so infrequently, ignoring hints, and flipping out over requests. In all sincerity, is it possible she has some kind of Asperger’s or autism?
Either that or she’s happily dirty and smelly, and you two are incompatible in terms of personal hygiene.” Regular-Message9591
Another User Comments:
“My opinion: After the first paragraph, I really went NTJ, there’s a reason why people shower daily if not every other day. Devil’s advocate: Is she depressed or dealing with mental health issues?
That’s a typical sign because people would be too tired to shower. Mentioning she’s sensitive, have a talk with her and see if she does have any mental health issues.” Effective-Tennis7082
16. AITJ For Keeping The Inheritance I Received From My Deceased Neighbor Instead Of Her Estranged Daughter?
“I (F32) recently came into an inheritance when my neighbor and close friend, Valorie (F68), died. I met Valorie when I moved into my condo in 2018 and she became my next-door neighbor. Our places are on the top floor and have almost connecting balconies.
We used to spend every Saturday morning outside taking care of our plant babies and chatting.
I had learned that Valorie had been a widow since she was 55. I got the impression that she had married young and never had a true chance to learn who she was until after Garry had died.
I had always thought that Valorie was alone in the world.
It turns out that Valorie had had one child, a daughter, Sam (F44). However, they had been estranged since the early 2000’s. The story that Valorie told me was that Sam had come out as gay when she was just out of high school. That did not sit well with Garry.
He told Sam that she was no longer his daughter and kicked her out, telling her to never contact them or come home again. The whole situation broke Valorie’s heart, and it was her biggest regret in life. She told me that she had always wished she had tried to fight for Sam, but in the moment she was so shocked that she watched the whole thing happen without saying a word.
When I had first heard that story, I asked if she had ever tried to reach out. Valorie told me that she hadn’t because she didn’t know how to even try. So, I did some internet sleuthing and found Sam on social media. It turns out that Sam had managed to build a good life for herself.
I helped Valorie draft a heartfelt message to Sam. Valorie apologized for everything and told Sam how much her perspectives had changed over the years. Valorie also asked if they could try and build a new relationship. We sent the message and saw that Sam had seen, and maybe read, the message, but Sam never responded.
About a month ago, I got home from work to find that Valorie had passed away on her balcony. She had suffered an embolism. I sent the link to her obituary and memorial page to Sam. I didn’t see Sam at the funeral. There is a lawyer handling all of Valorie’s affairs.
I thought that I would simply grieve the loss of my friend and eventually would have a new neighbor.
I never expected to be the only person whom Valorie mentioned in her will. Let alone to have been left everything.
A few days ago, Sam messaged me.
She was upset and demanded that I give her Valorie’s things, claiming that I took advantage of an old widow. I was upset when I first read Sam’s message and thought, “Who does she think she is? She hasn’t spoken to Valorie in literal decades and never responded when Valorie tried to reach out.
Now Valorie is her mother, and that entitles her to Valorie’s stuff?”
Now I wonder if I should do something for Sam. I go back and forth on whether Valorie would have wanted me to. Valorie knew where Sam was, so she could have included Sam somehow.
The lawyer I talked to said that the inheritance is completely mine and that Sam has no claim, but should I give Sam something?”
Another User Comments:
“There’s always three sides to every story. Side A, Side B, and the truth in the middle.
You don’t know what happened between the two of them, not really. So, I’d be very careful of villifying anyone. (I had a friend who was kicked out and whose mom cut contact because they came out as gay. Their mom acted like their child was the one who abandoned and mistreated them and played the victim to anyone who would listen).
It’s not always so simple when family doesn’t come around. I don’t think you need to give up any funds. But I WOULD offer her pictures and mementos in the house that she may like. Not everything mind you, but a few things that might remind her of her mom, or pictures that she’d like (if there are any).
NTA” TheSciFiGuy80
15. AITJ For Calling Out My Parents Over My Dairy Allergy?
“I (19F) have been allergic to dairy since I was a baby.
My doctor and parents had a whole schedule for the first half of my life to get me acclimated to dairy. It went from me throwing up every night as a baby to the point where I could eat a pretty unrestricted diet and have no real symptoms other than stomach pain when I was in middle school.
This sounds kind of stupid, lol, but it took me until a couple of months ago to realize that the stomach pain is actually a symptom and not a thing I just need to deal with. I was on a school trip and asked if I could have the dairy-free meals (because I knew my stomach would feel icky from motion sickness and traveling), and I actually ended up feeling great.
Ever since coming back to university, I’ve basically gone dairy-free and my digestion has been great. However, because I now have lost all my tolerance for dairy, even very little makes me nearly as sick as when I was a really young child.
I’ve told my parents this, and they basically said, “Do whatever you want at school, but we didn’t spend nearly two decades getting you used to dairy just to cut it out now.
That’s a lot of time wasted.” I had to go home recently for a family event that my parents hosted, and we had a big family meal with a lot of extended relatives where nearly everything had dairy. I tried scraping sauce and cheese off of stuff, but I ingested some anyway, clearly because I felt gross and spent a lot of time in the bathroom.
At one point, my mother got annoyed at me for leaving the table so much (I was leaving a lot) and said kind of angrily, “Why are you being so rude at this event?” This annoyed me because I didn’t feel I was being rude; I was sick, so I said to her, “Why don’t you take my allergy seriously?
You’re the reason I’ve been eating stuff that makes me sick for all my life.”
The issue is that I think that was kind of harsh of me. My parents do believe I have an allergy; they just also believe they cured it with the diet plan my doctor had me on.
And they’ve told me that they only pursued it because my doctor said it could increase my quality of life to not have an allergy—which, to be fair, when I was on this plan I was able to digest more without getting sick; my stomach just hurt a lot.
I feel like I may have been unnecessarily rude in how I reacted to my mother, and I’m also worried I drew attention to myself that wasn’t needed (a lot of my relatives were asking if I was okay after dinner, which was kind of them but really not the focus of the event).”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ My sister wasn’t diagnosed with a dairy allergy (protein not lactose) until she was in college. Growing up, she got stomach aches from eating ice cream. In college, she ended up in the hospital, where she found out that she is allergic to dairy and gluten.
Since cutting them out of her diet, she’s felt better. The gluten allergy isn’t severe, but too much (or several days of exposure) affects her gut.” WyvernJelly
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It’s your body and your diet. Stomach pain is a valid symptom, and if you’re feeling the benefits of avoiding it, then that’s a positive.
Your parents are maybe just aggrieved at what they see as being a waste of time now, but their efforts likely gave you a lot more freedom in your childhood. It doesn’t mean you owe it to them to continue suffering in silence, though.” Mysteryyy87
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Have you told your parents how much eating a dairy-inclusive diet causes you pain and discomfort, even at the peak of their efforts to acclimate you to dairy? They may be assuming that your dairy tolerance didn’t have any negative impacts, especially if you got used to downplaying the pain you were in.
It might be worth another attempt to sit them down and explain to them how the dairy diet they insisted on gave you constant stomach pains until you finally cut out dairy completely. You deserve to be able to share a meal with your family without feeling sick after, but if your parents won’t accommodate this, you may have to put your foot down and start bringing your own food to family events or coordinating with other family members to make sure there are dishes you can eat.” totes_toast
14. AITJ For Asking Kamila To Stop Scheduling Work Dinners At My Restaurant?
“Me (20F) and Kamila(23F) work at the same place. We have been acquaintances for a long time, but we only got closer when I got hired at the start of last year.
She is essentially my boss’s assistant. Besides working here, in November I took a part-time job in a restaurant where I work Friday nights, Saturdays, Sundays, and holidays.
My boss (52M—I think) likes to host dinners for our whole office at least once a month or when we finish a really big project.
Usually I can’t make it, so I don’t pay a lot of attention to discussions about it. At the start of January, I realized that the dinner for the opening of the year was going to take place at the restaurant I work at.
I talked with Kamila. She said that she didn’t realize it, but it couldn’t be changed since the reservations were already made.
That dinner was awkward for me, since my coworkers kept asking me to sit and eat with them and were kind of giving me weird looks (I think it was pity, tbh).
They left a huge tip, which was both cool and a bit embarrassing. Afterward, everyone started treating me differently, and my supervisor even pulled me aside to ask if everything was alright. LOL, they had good intentions, but it was genuinely annoying for me, especially since I don’t talk much about my personal life at work.
The February dinner was set for the restaurant where I work again. I asked Kamila about it, and she just said that the boss really liked the place and there was nothing she could do. I decided to trade with one of the other workers in the restaurant who works in the back (he was previously a waiter) to try to avoid the awkwardness.
I was not even one hour into my shift when the owner came in and informed me that I had to trade again because table 4 (the one with coworkers) asked for me. When I switched, Kamila made a joke about me hiding from them, and everything was awkward again.
After that, I sent a text to Kamila asking if she would please stop scheduling the dinners here. She said that she couldn’t, and we had an argument. I said that she was a bad friend, and she said that I should just quit one of the jobs if I was so embarrassed by people from one workplace meeting me at the other.
She also called me poor, but she apologized for that, LOL. AITJ here? I am obviously young, so I don’t know if I’m being immature. Kamila is upset at me.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but go talk to the boss directly. Let him know that you’re glad he likes the restaurant, but that it’s really awkward to serve your coworkers.
Maybe he thinks he’s helping you out by letting you be present for those dinners, but he just isn’t seeing the consequences. And maybe you’ll find out he doesn’t give a flying fig about where dinner is and just lets Kamila pick.” Nessie-and-a-dram
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You have every right to set boundaries between your workplaces, and making a spectacle out of it is frustrating. Kamila dismissing your feelings and telling you to quit a job instead of accommodating a simple request is out of line. She’s not just ignoring your discomfort; she’s doubling down on it.
Also, the ‘poor’ comment? Yikes. Kamila is out here acting like she’s powerless when she’s literally in charge of planning. ‘Boss loves the place’ isn’t an excuse when she knows it makes you uncomfortable. Maybe it’s time to reevaluate that friendship or move on with others who will hear you and support you.” RiskyOolong
Another User Comments:
“Tell your boss that this is starting to feel like a hostile work environment. The boss is mandated to take appropriate action when those words are used. Also, if it’s possible, maybe you could take off if they schedule the dinner at your restaurant.
Attend rather than serve. Let her be surprised that you are present as a team member rather than a server. The look on her face will tell you what you need to know. My best to you.” Firebird562
13. AITJ For Not Announcing My Decision To Keep My Maiden Name?
“I got married to my husband 1 year ago and I am still wondering if I’m a jerk. Before we got married, my husband and I talked and agreed that I could keep my current last name. It never occurred to me that I should tell anyone of our decision to not change my last name.
At our wedding, the pastor announced us as Mr. John and Mrs. Jane (fake names for anonymity). No last name was announced. But I guess I did mention to my new SIL that I was keeping my name… I’m not sure if she told my in-laws intentionally to cause conflict or if she actually didn’t realize I hadn’t told them.
Anyway, once we got back from our honeymoon and finished moving into our new house, my husband’s parents invited us over. What I thought was going to be a nice first visit as husband and wife quickly turned into a fight. My FIL said he had to have a serious conversation with me, and he began talking about how great and wonderful his last name is and how people will automatically respect me in his community just because I have the same name as him.
I, as calmly as I could (I was so upset at this point I could hardly talk), told him my reasons for not wanting to change my name: 1) It’s complicated and expensive to change IDs and such; 2) My current last name is unique, and I’ve never met another person outside of my family with it; 3) My home business and degree were established under my current name.
None of these reasons were good enough for him. He replied, “Well, another DIL changed her name and she has the same degree as you,” and then MIL said it didn’t cost her any money to change her name (but that was 40 years ago; things change).
I said, “I don’t feel that I need to further justify my decision to you, since you’re not listening or understanding my perspective.” Now, FIL says I am insulting him by rejecting his name and that all his friends are going to suspect something is wrong, that I am making a mistake, and that no one will respect me.
I was in full tears at this point, and all I could do was stand and say, “I am going home.” As we were walking out, FIL stood up and threw his hands up in a surrendering gesture, saying, “I’m just trying to have a conversation.” I think I could be a jerk for 2 reasons here: 1) for not publicly announcing my intentions to keep my maiden name, and 2) for walking out mid-conversation with my new in-laws?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. At all. It’s your name, no one gets to tell you what it should or shouldn’t be. I’d say if anyone is disrespecting other people’s names, it’s your FIL for not thinking your name is as good as his.
The fact that he was so rude in his expression of his opinion only further proves you are NTJ for walking out and avoiding any more conflict, as most people would have done much worse.” Fun_Effective6846
Another User Comments:
“Where was your husband while you were being berated by his father for this dent in his enormous ego?
Edit: I’ve just read your replies to others asking the same. You have a husband problem. He needs to deal with this. And your in-laws are not to be in your home until an apology has been accepted by you.” cressidacole
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
But the fact that your husband even allowed his father to finish his tirade and bully you like that tells you all you need to know about how you’ll be treated in the future. Your husband either agrees or doesn’t have the balls to prevent his father’s mistreatment.
Is that really good enough for you? Good thing you didn’t take his name; you won’t have to change it back after the divorce.” Ok_Homework_7621
12. AITJ For Not Marking My Punch And Causing A Co-Worker's Fall?
“I (25F) recently attended a potluck-style work party and brought punch, which has since caused a problem between myself and another coworker (42F), who we’ll call Sandy.
Last week, my boss hosted a party at his house to celebrate the end of the busy season and a job well done. All of my coworkers and their spouses were invited, and we decided it would work well to do a potluck to offset the cost of feeding everyone (about 35 people, since not everyone who came brought a spouse or significant other).
I volunteered to make a punch that I’ve brought to previous work events that everyone said they enjoyed, as well as some fruit to go with it. This was a casual party with booze present, but since I have some coworkers who don’t drink, I didn’t add any booze to this punch and figured that if people really wanted some they’d just add it themselves.
Fast forward a couple hours, and Sandy is getting even louder and more dramatic than normal, and is stumbling around the party. I didn’t think much of it and figured she brought her own drinks or was adding some of the host’s booze that was put out into something else.
She suddenly fell off the chair she was sitting on and made a big show of saying that it was because she was so intoxicated. She then asked me, in front of the rest of our coworkers, what it was that I put in the punch.
I was confused and told her what was in it (just a mix of ginger ale, 7up, orange juice, and a can of juice concentrate), and she wanted to know what booze I put in it, because she’s been drinking it all night, and is “really feeling it.” I told her that I didn’t put any booze in it, and asked if maybe someone else had spiked the punch bowl.
Nobody said they added anything, and one of my coworkers who doesn’t drink even said that they’d also been drinking the punch all evening and were still completely sober. I also would like to clarify that I understand how context can matter, like if everyone else was really intoxicated then that can make even a sober person feel like they’re loaded, but that definitely was not the vibe.
Sandy was the only person acting “intoxicated.” She then got really quiet and went by herself to the bathroom.
The rest of my coworkers and I exchanged some awkward glances and tried to laugh it off. She left shortly after, and I received an angry text from her about how I shouldn’t have embarrassed her like that and that now she looks like an “idiot” in front of our bosses and the rest of our coworkers.
She’s been hostile to me at work ever since and is basically refusing to talk to me. I didn’t think I did anything wrong, and most of my coworkers agree with me, but some say that I should have just let her go on thinking that the punch was a loaded drink to save her the embarrassment, and I’m wondering now if I’m in the wrong.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Of course you’re NTJ. Sandy was experiencing a placebo effect not uncommon when people truly believe they are drinking booze. That’s embarrassing but it’s not your fault. The truly jerk thing to do would be to let people believe a loaded drink punch was booze-free!
That could really harm someone. If she makes your life hard over this, you’re going to have to take it to management for mediation. It’s a ridiculous thing to hold against you in the office” unhandledxception
Another User Comments:
“This is so funny. NTJ. I’m not sure what she was trying to do, but it certainly feels like she was trying to make you look bad.
“Should have pretended it was a loaded drink” and what, risk making the people who don’t drink anxious and upset? Taken a completely unnecessary fall for NOT marking Punch as a loaded drink when it was, which is a much bigger deal? Especially since everyone else clearly knew/assumed it was non-booze.
I dunno if Sandy just wanted an excuse to cut loose, or if she was trying to make you seem irresponsible and blame you for making her misbehave later to get you in trouble, or what… but she humiliated herself.” KingGuinevere
Another User Comments:
“Girl was about to get into some mischief and was setting herself up for an excuse.
Does she, by chance, have a work crush she was going to toss herself at? And then blame it on the punch… NTJ. Also, OP, nice job providing a tasty non-booze beverage. I’m not a drinker when I drive, I don’t do sodas, and having only water as an option can get boring.” Organized_Khaos
11. AITJ For Urging A Friend To Use A Food Bank When She Won't Accept Help?
“I have a friend, let’s call her Sally, who has been going through some tough times. Sally split from her partner last year when she caught him being unfaithful. They had been together for over two decades, and he was very wealthy. Sally was a homemaker while they were together, and when they split she was left with literally nothing.
Since the split she has been relying on the kindness of friends to get by. She has mostly been staying with one friend in particular, but lots of her friends have been pitching in to help meet her needs.
Currently, she is attempting to support herself by trying to find work as a freelance artist, which she refers to as “hustling.” Most of the money she makes immediately goes back into art supplies.
I live in a different state from her currently and am barely scraping by myself, with a child to care for, so I have not been able to help her financially. Instead, I just try to be a sympathetic ear for her to vent to, and I’ve let her know that I don’t mind her venting to me.
It is also important to note that when she was with her ex, they would often help their friends make ends meet financially. She has helped me and my family more than once.
Yesterday we were talking on the phone, and she mentioned that she couldn’t afford food.
She said that for the past few days, she’s barely eaten anything, and she doesn’t want to ask the friend she is staying with for food because she feels like that friend is already doing too much. I mentioned that she should try looking into some local food banks in her area, and she became extremely offended. She said, “You know, you’d just think that with all the people I’ve helped over the years ,I wouldn’t have to turn to that.
It’s embarrassing!”
I told her that I wished I could help her myself, but that I only had $100 until the next payday, and I had to put my child first. I offered to help her by doing some Googling for her about her options, but she insisted that taking food from a charity was embarrassing and unacceptable.
I reminded her that everyone goes through difficult times, and its not embarrassing to ask for help. I asked her if she looked down on her friends who had needed help over the years, and she said that she didn’t, but that she just wasn’t used to being the person in need. She then ended the call, saying she needed to get back to work.
And I get the feeling that I offended her. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ… Your friend was with her partner for almost twenty years? And she got nothing from him? Your friend needs a reality check. She needs a real job that pays a salary.
Being a freelance artist is all good in theory, but clearly, it is not supporting her. I have a feeling the kindness of those helping Sally is going to wear thin soon.” Worth-Season3645
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It is embarrassing. In the UK it hits the news every now and again how full-time nurses still need to use food banks to support their families due to how crappy the pay is vs.
the cost of living, and chatter in the community is about how shamed people feel that even with a job and over time, they still need the support. So while it is valid for her to feel that way, reality does need to set in.” Fearless_Spring5611
Another User Comments:
“Trying to be a freelance artist is something you do as a sideline while you have a real job. You hustle as a freelance artist to try to build up an income that may be able to support you someday in the future, but you don’t quit your real job until that happens.
If she wants to eat, she needs to find a real job. (This from someone who eventually made money as an independent artist.)” th987
10. AITJ For Refusing To Fund An Overpriced Multi-Day Bachelor Party?
“I married my husband five years ago. For his bachelor night, his best friends took him out to a restaurant; the three split his cheap meal, drink, and one shot. It was pretty underwhelming and only took an hour, but we didn’t say anything. These guys were 25, lived at home, had no bills, and all worked, so they could have done more with the year’s notice they had to plan it.
Five years later, his best man is getting married and he is the best man for him now. My husband spent months trying to organize ideas for a bachelor night, but in the end, the groom told them hewanteds exactly this: Everyone to bring booze to his home to pre-game, then two Uber XLs (on a Saturday night in the most expensive part of town) for the eight men to go to a Brazilian Steakhouse ($63 per person), then two Uber XLs again to a club where they will get two bottles of table service (each bottle of 750ml Skyy Vodka is $300 before tip because a cute girl brings it out), then two more Uber XLs to the casino where they will rent a room that sleeps four people (for eight men) for $500 per night and spend the night gambling.
So at this point, we’re looking at being out one to two thousand dollars upfront while they “get us back,” and now he’s saying he wants to rent the room Friday night as well.
My husband has agreed to everything but the casino hotel as he’s out of his party phase and wants to come home, so we wouldn’t be going in on it either.
This has apparently ruined the entire bachelor party, and the groom called us last night to ask why he won’t just go along with everything and then accused us of having money issues. Hubby made it clear we’re just fine financially, but unlike them, we own a home; they’re all childless and we have three kids in a ton of extracurriculars.
This is how we choose to spend our extra money now. On top of this, he still has to rent a suit for a couple hundred dollars and we still need to get a nice wedding gift, so I feel like this financial ask is out of hand.
I made a comment the groom heard, while he was guilting my husband over the phone for one and a half hours that they didn’t do anything for him so they should be happy we’re going in on any of this absurd request. For the next 30 minutes, the groom attacked me and my relationship with my husband.
For example, he claims he didn’t do anything for my husband’s bachelor because he wasn’t sure we were going to make it. I had been with my husband for five years at this point. So I went ahead and re-RSVP’d for just my husband to attend and declined for me and the kids.
I offered to pick him up so he could drink all night with the guys even.
So I’ve been stewing on this all day at work, so please let me know if I/we are the jerks for not going along with this entire multi-day, expensive bachelor party and bowing only myself and my kids out of attending the wedding.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ holy crap. I can’t believe his defense was that he didn’t think your marriage would last after being together five years!!! That’s the best excuse he could come up with?!? After accusing you of having financial troubles like that’s a moral failing???
Yeah, I don’t think this guy actually likes either of you…he just likes having people around to get stuff out of.” DecentDiscussion8896
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. The groom is acting like a jerk. When you are in a wedding or throwing a wedding, you have to be sympathetic to everyone else’s financial situations and compromise.
Just because you’re getting married doesn’t mean you get to be an entitled jerk lol.” Haunting_Fish5804
Another User Comments:
“Weddings and the pre stuff is out of hand. When I was little, weddings were in church basements, grandmothers cooked, you bought flowers from the supermarket for the tables, you ordered a ton of booze, and everyone had a great time.
Not saying that certain aspects of a wedding aren’t better these days, but multi-day bachelor parties that cost a fortune for everyone involved is just crap in my opinion. If I have $500 to spend without blinking, it’s going to be me and my husband or daughter having a weekend away.” Annual_Version_6250
9. AITJ For Demanding My Mom Gets Paid Fairly For Childcare Despite My Husband's Complaints?
“My husband is a lawyer, and I’m an engineer.
We both have intense careers, but he wanted a second child. I was happy with our daughter, but he really wanted another child. We now have 2 daughters (3 and 1), and I came back from maternity leave. My mom took over full-time caring for them. We both work full-time, so she takes them when we work.
My mom is a nurse, but she quit to look after our kids. I insisted we should pay her the going rate for daycares in the area, which is around $1500 a child. So we pay $3000 for her to care for our children, cook for them, etc. She will also pick them up sometimes, as we may need to be in the office early.
My husband complained a lot about how expensive it was to pay her. He makes $140k, and I make $110k, so we can afford to pay her. But he thinks we are overpaying her and complained about it to her face. My mom is not very confrontational, but she got very upset.
I argued with him on this for months until I decided it was better for her to go back to work and for us to use daycare. Finding a daycare was hard, and now we pay $1800 a child for daycare. Daycares obviously will not pick up your children, nor will they cook for them.
We have less time now, and at a higher cost, our children end up getting sick a lot during the winter season. So far this year, our entire household has been sick three times. I was on a business trip, and my husband was late picking up our children, which resulted in a $75 late charge that my mom would not have charged extra for.
My husband is now demanding that my mom leave her job to go back to babysitting our children, but I won’t let her because he did no research into the real cost of childcare and kept complaining about how expensive it is—even when I showed him.
My mom even part-time makes $4300 a month as a nurse, and I told my husband that if we want her to do the child care, we need to pay her that amount. Remember, we already pay $3600 for daycare. He wants her to go back to the $3000 charge, and he is angry and claims that my mom is asking for too much for such a simple job and that a grandma taking care of her grandchildren is a “privilege.” I told her not to quit, and I told him that she isn’t babysitting, which reduces his number of free hours and makes our lifestyle harder, so he is angry at me for demanding we pay her what I feel she is owed. My mom probably would do it for free if we wanted, but I definitely don’t think it’s fair.
She needs to save for retirement, and she has bills as well. AITJ here?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ! But I’m more concerned that you’re in a marriage with a man who has no problem treating you and your family as if they are all his employees.
“My husband is now demanding that my mom leave her job” – This is unacceptable, and my husband would find he’s sleeping in the driveway if he ever tried to issue ‘demands’ like that…” PurplePufferPea
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but your husband sure has big loud wrong opinions on your mother’s finances, career, and time.
He doesn’t get to dictate what her time is worth, and he doesn’t get to be angry that she holds a job now after complaining that her childcare rate was too costly. I’d tell him he’s made his opinions known, but he has no control over another adult, so now he needs to close his giant, gaping trap.” MidCenturyMayhem
8. AITJ For Blowing Up At My Sick Husband For Waking Me Up At Night?
“I plan on sending this post to my husband once the verdict is in, whichever way it goes, so I’ll add as much of his perspective as I can. Our toddler was sick through the weekend. I was up with him one night from 12:15–2:45, and off and on the next night.
I probably got 10–12 hours of broken sleep the whole weekend.
Yesterday, my husband mentioned he was starting to feel a little sick. Last night, I went to bed early hoping to catch up on rest. All throughout the night, my husband woke me up way more often than my toddler ever does, even on a bad night.
Some of the times were not directly his fault, but other times I felt like he was being inconsiderate.
1: He snored loudly in my ear.
2: He asked for another blanket because he had the chills. I told him it was at the foot of the bed. He asked for help and reminded me that he helps me when I’m sick, and that he’d still do the morning routine with our son.
3: He had a nightmare from which I had to shake him awake. (Normal.)
4: He whispered to Alexa to ask for the time.
5: He asked for another blanket. I gave him mine.
6: He made a phone call (in bed) and left a full-volume voicemail to his work to let them know he’d need to take a sick day.
7: At 5:30 in the morning, he woke me to ask if I could do the wake-up routine with our son. (I do bedtime; he does wake up.)
At this point, I blew up. I expressed how mad I was that he woke me up all night long, and now I have to wake up early to do what he said he’d still do, and I don’t get to stay home and catch up on sleep.
He said I was in the wrong because marriage is in sickness and in health. I immediately got up to get ready. He said I didn’t have to start getting ready so early; I said, “Yes, I did, because I start work at 7:30.” I barely make it to work on time when I wake up at 6:00, and now I have to unexpectedly skip my shower, get my toddler ready, get his food ready for the day, feed him breakfast, drop him off at daycare, then take myself to work.
I said he was a grown man with a cold and that he robbed me of the rest I needed, and that I’ll be sleeping on the couch tonight. At that point, I asked for space and we haven’t talked since. I was late for work, which is a big deal at my job.
I might be the jerk for blowing up at my husband when he asked for support during an unexpected illness. Am I the jerk for being mad at my sick husband?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – It’s one thing if you slept all night and he was up all night sick and he woke you up and asked you to handle the morning routine.
It’s another when he’s willfully kept you awake. Waking you up for extra blankets, asking for the time and making a loud phone call is absolutely willful behavior from him. Your angry feelings are valid. If this is a one-time thing, when he’s better, circle back and have a discussion.
If this is his typical “man flu/cold” behavior, he needs to stop it. Sleep deprivation is cruel.” User
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Being sick, working, and caring for a sick child is terrible. But your husband is an adult and needs to be somewhat self-sufficient and considerate.
He can’t help that he had a nightmare or snored, but waking you up for a blanket twice, asking for the time, and taking/making calls in the early hours from bed is incredibly self-centered.” SlinkyMalinky20
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Women are expected to care for family and children on our deathbeds but men are not held to the same standard.
While it’s understandable that your husband felt awful and needed some help, he could have minimized the amount of disruptions—like waking you just to ask for blankets that are already on the bed—even though the snoring may be due to congestion which he can’t help.
You need some rest, so it’s best if you sleep separately until he is better.” Armorer-
7. AITJ For Refusing To Adopt A Bulldog Because Of Its High-Maintenance Care Requirements?
“My fiancé has always been around bulldogs, as they were his childhood pets & naturally, he absolutely loves them.
Some of his close family members are part of the national kennel club, show them in dog shows & breed them (all registered with proper health testing, etc. & very much NOT backyard breeders). In the event we would own a bulldog, we would likely receive a “top of the line” bred dog with a championship-winning bloodline.
I am not a huge dog person to begin with, but I especially am not a fan of this breed. I don’t like them for a variety of reasons which I’ll list below, but my main protest is that due to our work situation, I would be responsible for 90% of its care.
I am 100% prepared to take care of & love a family pet; however, I’ve made it clear that I do not want a bulldog & I’m not willing to provide the extensive level of daily care they require.
To provide background as to why I don’t like/don’t want a bulldog:
– I don’t think they are an ethical dog breed. I don’t support their breeding, I don’t want to contribute to that market, nor do I want to own such a controversial breed.
– The extensive health issues & potential for super high vet bills are concerning.
He argues that their breathing is perfectly healthy; however, I strongly disagree. We also plan to move to a hot climate within 5-10 years, which isn’t really compatible with a bulldog due to their heat sensitivity.
– High-maintenance daily cleaning of their skin folds, ears, & tail would be my responsibility, and honestly, I’m just not down for that.
– They’re not an active dog. I want a dog I can take hiking or on adventures, not a dog that can’t handle a 45-minute walk.
– I’m not a fan of their personalities.
– Their hair is so coarse that it makes me itchy all over, irritates my nose & eyes, & it sticks to absolutely everything.
– The snoring & snarling noises are disruptive, and I’m a light sleeper.
The reason I’m posting is because my fiancé & I frequently disagree on this topic. Today, I told him that with him working away/long hours while I’m at home all the time, it wouldn’t be fair to me or the dog for us to own one because I’m not willing to provide such extensive daily care.
I understand & respect that he loves this breed, but I genuinely don’t want the burden of responsibility shoved onto me just so he can own the dog breed he had as a kid.
I feel like I could be the jerk since I’m pretty much telling him I wouldn’t take care of an innocent animal & that’s obviously not right; however, I also feel like I might not be the jerk because this right now is all hypothetical since we don’t own one & I’m just trying to convey the point that we SHOULD NOT own one.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Not just for the reasons you list as to why this is a problematic breed, but because couples need to be on the same page when it comes to pets and there absolutely are lots of other options out there. You’re not saying you don’t want any dog at all—you’re open to a variety of them.
He’s only open to one type, which isn’t a reasonable position.” BucketOBits
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I suggest you volunteer for a cat rescue. Foster, then adopt the best cat once you meet them. Very biased because I was a dog person without time to commit to properly caring for a dog.
I felt that cats were all right, so the perfect pet to foster because I wouldn’t cry when they were adopted. This worked for over 15 cats. Then I met my angel cat. The best cat in the world. She passed away last week and I loved every moment with her.
She was a calm dog in a cat’s body. Friendly and cuddly and full of love.” Spirited-Hall-2805
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your fiancé is presumably not 6 years old. If he wants this dog, then he needs to be available and actually do the extensive care necessary for this purebred, expensive dog, not just want it and expect you to take care of it.
Maybe when he’s no longer away so much and can actually take care of the dog he wants, like a grown-up, he could consider it again. You cannot get a dog and expect someone else to take care of it unless, again, you are a very small child.” shelwood46
6. AITJ For Telling My Husband To Do His Own Laundry After Surgery?
“I had gallbladder removal surgery yesterday, and thankfully all went well. They removed a massive stone and several smaller ones.
I even got to take pictures. Coming around from the anesthesia was harder than I’d imagined, but the doctor said it was quite normal to feel very tired and groggy afterward. They said this was quite normal. I was lucky enough to have my surgery in a private hospital funded by the NHS, so my staff was available, but I still couldn’t wait to get home to see my children and sit on my own sofa, in my own house, and watch my own TV.
I got home quite tired and sore just before 7 pm. The morphine has definitely worn off at this point, and I haven’t had any more pain relief, so I just want to sit down, relax, take some codeine, and give my kids a cuddle. I walk in, and the living room looks a mess, which is annoying, but my husband had made sure my pillow was on the sofa like I’d asked for earlier, and it’s hard work looking after three kids (10 autistic, 6, & 2).
They had not long finished dinner (take away), and he’d been doing loads of laundry that had piled up since our washer broke and only got fixed the day before. I didn’t say anything about it; it’s not the end of the world.
I had barely sat down for five minutes when my husband turned to me and said, “Oh, I don’t mean to have a go at you since you just got home from surgery, but can you please STOP putting my football shirts in the dryer since it ruins them?
I’ve told you before they can’t go in there!”
I was a bit taken aback. Is this really the best time to bring this up? He even acknowledged that I just got home from surgery! And for the record, I don’t think it’s wrong of him to not want his shirts ruined, but really?!
This is the time you’re going to bring it up?! No, “Do you need anything? Do you need any medication? Are you comfortable?” Nah, just “my shirts!” I don’t remember putting them in the washing machine or the dryer, and I don’t remember folding one up when the dryer finished either, so all I could say was sorry.
I genuinely thought his football shirts were okay to go in the dryer. I absolutely swear I remember him saying last year they could go in, and I’m usually pretty good about remembering what can be tumble-dried and what can’t. He’s made mistakes too; I’ve told him a few times that our daughter’s school cardigan shouldn’t be tumble-dried. He completely ruined one, said he’d replace it, and six months later still hasn’t replaced it.
If you live in the UK, I don’t need to tell you that branded uniform items are not cheap. I was like, “You know what? Do your own freaking laundry then, and if anything gets damaged, that’s on you. Don’t have your stuff ready for work?
That’s your problem. And don’t ever freaking bother asking me to iron anything either.”
But now I’m lying here at 5 am wondering if I’m just being overly petty for the sake of it. I do most of the laundry as I’m a stay-at-home mom and he works all week long.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Girl, you just got out of surgery, and the first thing this man says to you when you walk in the door isn’t “How are you feeling?” or “Do you need anything?” but complaining about his darn football shirts???
Are you serious?? Sir, read the room. You were literally cut open less than 24 hours ago, and this man is more worried about a polyester shirt than his wife recovering from an operation. That’s wild. And let’s not ignore the hypocrisy—he ruined your daughter’s uniform and never replaced it, but now he’s acting like you committed a crime against humanity for putting his shirts in the dryer by accident?
Make it make sense. Honestly, you’re right. Let him do his own darn laundry. He’s a grown man. If his football shirts are that precious, then he can take responsibility for them. If he wants his work clothes clean, he can handle that himself. You are not petty—you are setting boundaries.
You are recovering, you deserve rest, and the last thing you need is a grown man acting like his jersey collection is more important than your healing body. Stay strong, sis. Let him learn the hard way.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“Is it possible he brought it up because he was doing laundry, and it was on his mind?
Is he neurodivergent? I don’t think you’re a jerk for being upset. It was definitely poor timing. Is this a normal thing for him? Bringing up something at an inconvenient time? Also, he should be doing his own laundry anyway if he wants something specifically washed and dried a certain way.
You’re NTJ, but it’d probably be beneficial to air out your grievances with his timing, as that’s not good for recovery either. FWIW, anesthesia can be a PITA to recover from. Hopefully, you’ll feel better soon!” RocketteP
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I had gallbladder removal surgery back in 2023, and I was resting most of the time, and my doctor told me I couldn’t lift anything over 10 lbs.
When I had gotten out the day before, my partner rushed cleaning so I could move around if needed and help with anything I needed for 5-6 weeks during healing. I even slept in his spot on the bed so I could go to the bathroom faster.
Your husband can do his own laundry. You just got home from surgery; him complaining about jerseys when he could wash them himself is beyond ridiculous.” RaineMist
5. AITJ For Snapping At My Partner Over A Possible Intruder In The Attic?
“Woken up at 3 am by my partner telling me that there was someone in the attic. I got up, rubbing my eyes, and checked the hatch, which was closed. The absence of a ladder below the hatch meant no one had gotten in there from the hatch.
I placed my ladder there and checked the attic; it was empty. I heard something running on the roof at this point, probably a cat.
I got down. My SO was panicking and asking what I saw. I told her there was nothing in the attic—maybe something on the roof.
She wanted to call the cops and was asking a hundred questions. I asked her to wait while I checked it out to settle her down. I circled the house twice while shining a bright torch over the roof; I didn’t see anything there.
I went back inside the house and explained that I had circled the house twice, shining the torch on the roof.
There was no one there. However, I was bombarded with questions: “Who was it then?” I replied, “No one.” “Who could it have been?” I said, “No one was there.” “What were they doing on the roof?” I replied, “I don’t even know if someone was there.” “How could they have gotten up there?” I admitted, “I don’t know.” “How do you not know?
Take a guess!” I responded, “I don’t think anyone was there—probably a cat running around.”
Then she said, “You need to go speak with the neighbors to see if they saw something while I call the cops.” I replied, “I am not going to wake the neighbors at 3 am, and you are not calling the cops; just go to bed.” She insisted, “No, you need to go speak with the neighbors because you don’t know anything.
You don’t know who it was, what they were doing there, or how they got up there.”
“Listen, I don’t know who was there. I cannot believe this. I don’t know what they were doing there; I cannot know this. I don’t know how they got up there.
Hypothetically, if you want to ask, then maybe they flew there, or they parachuted off a plane and landed there, or maybe it was Spiderman. I just don’t know because I cannot know. I have walked around the house and found nothing. Do you think that waking the neighbor will solve the mystery even though he knows less than we do?” I asked.
She is upset now, saying it was a stressful situation and that I should have been cooperative and understanding of her feelings, but instead, I was a real jerk. No matter which way I look at it, I can’t think of where I went wrong.
I was not in the best mood at 3 am.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. But I will say we heard a noise in our basement not too long ago. We thought it was maybe an opossum that got in and knocked something over. Nope! It was an actual human being.
So I get being skittish. But yeah, her anxiety was ramping her up when there was nothing more to do.” tinyahjumma
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here, but reading this, does she normally act this way? As someone who has dealt with paranoia and isn’t always fully there (especially with a middle-of-the-night wake-up), this is sounding on the verge, if not, paranoid to the point of delusion.
The questions, to me as someone who’s been there, sound as though in her brain she knows someone was there and she is in an unwell state of mind. Maybe she acts like this normally and it’s nothing; maybe it’s the middle of the night dream fog.
But it sounds irrational and concerning. If this is normally how she is, I’d lean more towards NTJ. Just reading this is sending me alarm bells.” Mountain-Blood-7374
Another User Comments:
“Well… I can’t say that you answered her questions very… smartly. You said ‘I don’t know who was there… I don’t know what they were doing there, I don’t know how they got up there’ and all say the same thing: that there was someone up there.
Yes, you’d said it was probably a cat, but among all the things you said, she’s just hearing you say ‘THERE WAS SOMEONE UP THERE.’ That’s where it went wrong.” User
4. AITJ For Not Refunding $600 When A Friend Lied And Bailed On A Ski Trip?
“My (19f) friends and I all decided to go on a ski trip for 12 days over winter break. We found a place to stay, and all in all, it was around $600 per person for the rental, so we decided it was just easiest to have one person (me) put all the money upfront and have everyone pay me back before the actual trip, which everyone did.
In my friend group, we have a girl; let’s call her Sarah. Sarah comes from a comfortable family and was even one of the people who suggested the trip and was one of the leading forces in finding the Air Bnb. Literally, in the weeks leading up to the trip, we were all fine—sending outfit ideas, restaurant suggestions, booking tips, etc. The Tuesday before we left (Saturday), Sarah started sending texts to the GC like “Guys, Jacob’s (partner) family is going to xxxxx next week,” basically sending us a LOT of details about where his family is going for winter vacation that we didn’t really need to know.
Then, on Thursday (again, we leave on Saturday), she texts the GC saying that she couldn’t go because she had a family emergency and that her grandma had been admitted to the hospital. We were obviously bummed, but family comes first, and I told her that I would send her the money back that she had contributed toward the rental.
We go on the trip, and everything is okay until one of my friends, who has Sarah’s location on Life360 (roommates), sees that she’s in a beach town, and we put two and two together. We spent that night upset, and we called her out the next day, where she admitted everything.
She had been invited at the last minute on her partner’s vacation and decided that she wanted to go on that instead but didn’t know how to tell us. We were all obviously hurt and upset that she would choose a boy over us, but at the end of the day, she is a 19-year-old girl, so I guess it’s just immaturity.
The part that I’m wondering if I’m the jerk with is that after finding out that she voluntarily pulled out of the trip, I told her I wouldn’t be refunding the $600 she had sent me for the rental. She pulled out so last minute that we couldn’t find anything cheaper, and I said I was okay with just wasting that money because, again, I thought she was having a family emergency.
After finding out that she wouldn’t be getting that back, she went insane and started calling me a bad friend and everything. My parents think I should send it back to her, but I don’t see why I should; she pulled out because of her partner and expected us to all just absorb the costs?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She voluntarily bailed on the trip and lied to everyone, saying that her grandma was in the hospital. She could have told the truth, but she may have known she wouldn’t get the money back or she’d be judged by all of you.
Either way, you paid solely for that BNB, expecting everyone to chip in. In this sense, you’re only expected to pay 600, not 1200, because she lied and went on a different trip instead. The bnb was already paid for, and she knew it. If she really is from a comfortable background, she should have no problem paying the 600 for a choice she made.” umpaloompababy
Another User Comments:
“The only mistake you made was ever offering to refund her the money in the first place. Emergency or not, she pulled out at the very last minute and left everyone else hanging; that’s on her. She should not have been refunded one penny.
She should just eat that cost… even if it had been an emergency. It’s not your place to fund her emergencies… or her ’emergencies.’ NTJ. Oh, and by the way, she’s a bad friend and a big big fat liar.” LawyerDad1981
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She lied and got caught. Technically, you didn’t need to refund her even with a family emergency, but I understand doing so (if you can afford it) because she’ll most likely have unexpected expenses to cover. That’s not what happened. She chose to go on vacation instead.
Friend, I was willing to take a financial hit and refund you when you said you had a family emergency. You lied. You chose to go on vacation with your partner instead, which is your decision to make. Just like not taking a financial hit due to your decisions is my choice to make.
You will not be refunded anything.” ApprehensiveBook4214
3. AITJ For Refusing To Be My Wife's Morning Alarm?
“My (38m) wife (37f) has 3 young kids, including a 6-month-old baby who still sleeps in our room. I’m an early bird. I routinely get up at ~5:30 am to enjoy a few silent moments of sanity and get some crap done before the kids take over.
My wife is a night owl and hates waking up. As a kid, her family nicknamed her “The Lion” on account of her morning temperament and blonde bedhead. They would draw straws, and the loser would have to get her up in the morning. This topic made it into wedding speeches and continues to be a running joke to this day.
That said, she comes by this honestly these days. We’re chronically sleep-deprived because of kids. She’s on maternity leave and is up 1-2 times during the night nursing while I’m blissfully passed out beside her, so I don’t blame her for pushing her wake-up times.
I also don’t blame her for staying up later, as once the kids go down around 7:30 pm, then we put the house back together, then we get stuck on the couch recovering from the day, and then she might get an hour to watch TV before we do it all over again.
Here’s the issue: She always asks that I 1) wake her up in the morning and 2) ensure she’s awake approximately 10 minutes later. This has frustrated me from the start. I suggested she use a silent/vibrating phone alarm or her Apple Watch if she’s concerned about waking the baby, but apparently those aren’t good enough.
FWIW, I wear my Garmin smartwatch and a cheap $20 dumb silent vibrating alarm wristband that could wake the dead.
There have been a few times when I’ve agreed to wake her up at a certain time, but I forgot and woke her up approximately 15 minutes later.
It usually doesn’t cause any issues, but today I got her up at 7:20 am instead of the agreed-upon 7:00 am, as I lost track of time attending to my son who woke up early.
It was a particularly difficult morning with cranky kids, and she snapped about how it was just too late to get up with not enough time to get everyone ready.
I reached my breaking point and snapped back that, moving forward, I absolutely refuse to wake her up in the morning and that she’s a big girl who can be responsible for herself.
Since then, she’s made a few snide comments about random little things, “apparently being too much to ask,” and says I’m being unreasonable by refusing to get her up and make sure she’s actually awake after she inevitably falls back asleep.
I told her if it’s not that much to ask, then it should be simple enough for her to do it herself.
So, AITJ? I can understand infrequent critical moments like “Please make sure I’m awake so I don’t miss my flight,” but making me responsible for her daily wake-up times is absolutely unreasonable at best, even if kids and sleep deprivation are in the mix.”
Another User Comments:
“Normally I’d say No jerks here. But… Do the overnights with her! Just because she’s breastfeeding doesn’t mean she can’t pump and store so YOU can also feed overnight. Split the nights so you BOTH get chunks of solid sleep.
She can take the first one since she’s a late-night person. Dude, you’ve chosen to have kids with this woman. You chose to make a life with her. Now figure out how to make it work!! You’re here complaining about not wanting to have to wake your wife up… while she’s doing all day AND all night with those kids you helped create and you brag about sleeping away next to her.
This is why you’re the jerk here.” Jmfroggie
Another User Comments:
“I am a lion who cannot be spoken to in the morning. I couldn’t sleep at night because I was so exhausted from the kids and desperately needed the alone time at bedtime to recharge my personal battery because I only existed as someone’s mommy or someone’s wife; no one knew who I was anymore or cared about my likes, wants, and needs.
Consequently, I was mentally, emotionally, and socially exhausted, and getting up with the kids meant I was also physically exhausted. Ninety alarms wouldn’t wake me. I needed my husband to wake me. It wasn’t that I wanted him to be my alarm; it was that my soul was exhausted, and asking him to wake me was the only way I could wake.
Him waking me also made me feel like I mattered in a world where I was giving my all to everyone but myself. I’d say NTJ, but she also probably needs some compassion right now. She’s struggling.” badwife2
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. You’ve been having children together, and you knew all along that she’s never wanted to wake herself up in the morning; so, given that you have a very young child in the mix, you need to be a help and not a hindrance to your wife.
Yes, it’s a burden on you, but you are a better sleeper than she is. Do suggest that she work on her sleep routine—she needs to get to bed earlier in order to manage her mornings better. Don’t make it about you having to help her get up; make it about her getting some much-needed rest and about how you are both going to need to be available in the mornings to handle your family’s school/work routine for years to come.
LOL” hadMcDofordinner
2. AITJ For Refusing To Mend My Sister's Broken Relationship With My Nephew?
“I, 53F, have a sister, 55F, I’ll call her Caroline. She has been married for 30 years to her husband, Richard, 58M. When they married in the 90s, they planned to have children. However, nature had other plans for them, and my BIL couldn’t have children.
The doctors confirmed the impossibility, and this devastated them. After weighing their options, they chose to go through infertility treatments with donor sperm. I also must note that my sister is a controlling person, and my BIL thinks he knows everything.
Fast forward a few years, and my sister and BIL had two sons through this process, both of whom have different donors.
As science evolved with DNA, I advised my sister to tell the children when they were young about how they came to be and just be honest with them. I was met with harsh backlash, telling me to mind my own business and that under no circumstance should her sons ever find out.
I would continually bring it up on occasion until one nasty fight where my BIL told me I was an uneducated idiot who knew nothing about this subject. Then I gave up and never spoke to them about it again.
Last year, Caroline’s older son decided to take a 23andMe test and discovered that my BIL is not his biological father.
This caused a massive uproar in my sister’s family. My nephew told them he always knew something was wrong and wanted to find the truth. After months of back-and-forth fighting about my sister and BIL’s betrayal of trust (per my nephew), he has now cut contact with his parents.
I’m connected with him through social media and will not do anything to risk losing this contact.
Last week, my sister called me sobbing because the birthday presents she sent to her son were returned with a note that said “Do not contact me again” from my nephew.
After listening to her for 30 minutes, I got tired. I tried to hang up, but she lashed out and asked why I wasn’t supporting her. I told her the truth, that she ignored my thoughts for years. I told her I warned her that science was catching up with her lies, and she should have told the kids when they were young so they could process it better.
She called me heartless and a monster for not giving her help or trying to persuade my nephew to speak with her. I told her that I would not do this for either her or BIL, that this situation is their fault, and that they need to figure out how to live with the consequences or find a way to fix their relationship with their son.
Then my BIL got on the phone and called me a jerk and hung up on me.
My mother and father got involved and told me that a good sister wouldn’t want this type of family tension to continue and that I needed to step up and help my sister and her son to speak to each other.
I refuse because I won’t risk my one connection I still have with my nephew. So AITJ for not helping my sister and BIL fix their relationship with my nephew and telling them it’s their fault?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. They insisted on not listening to you, punished you enough that you shut up, and now they want you to nuke your relationship with your nephew in an attempt to fix the issue.
Plus, that seems unlikely to work. You value your relationship with your nephew and don’t want to risk it. Actions have consequences, and you are thinking ahead again.” CuriousTiktaalik
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and you’re handling this 100% correctly. You’ve warned the parents many times, and they just sneered at you.
Their own bad choices have finally caught up with them, and it’s their responsibility to remedy them. Both they and your parents want you to perform magic to fix everything. It doesn’t work that way. Your sister and BIL need to contact their own son and try to make things right.
This is not something that gets an instant cure, and in time your nephew may be receptive to his parents. Meanwhile, if he wishes no contact, it’s his right.” extinct_diplodocus
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. They should have told him not just to avoid this outcome but because fertility industry regulations are a joke and he needed to know so that 1.
he could get genetic testing done for any future health conditions because donors can lie or not be aware of any conditions at the time they donate and 2. so that he could be aware and ask any future romantic partners if they were donor conceived (serial donors are a problem and many donor-conceived people are finding out that they have sibling pods within the hundreds) so he doesn’t get romantically involved with a potential half-sibling.” Illustrious-Mud-6821
1. AITJ For Walking Out On A Family Dinner Over My Sister's Controlling Behavior?
“My sister (24F) and I (26F) never really had the best relationship growing up. I’ve always tried to keep it civil, but she wouldn’t and has always been rude to me and would try to speak on my behalf as if she’s my lawyer.
To make things relevant, I’m on the spectrum. She will constantly convince me to say no whenever others ask me a question, tell me to “shut up” whenever I talk to my friends or anyone who wants to have a conversation with me, or she will shake her head no either because she disapproves of something or she simply wants me to shut the heck up.
This past weekend, my parents asked my sister and me to meet with them at a restaurant for dinner, as we hadn’t seen each other in weeks and both of our parents wanted to treat us. We met them at the restaurant, and everything went well until it was time to order.
I’m not much of an eater, so I wanted to order some appetizers, but my parents encouraged me to buy an entree so I could have some food to take home if I didn’t finish. I thought about ordering one, but I saw my sister just shaking her head.
I asked her what her issue was, and she said that she knew I didn’t need the entree and, therefore, I shouldn’t waste money or food.
My parents told her that wasn’t her concern and that I could order for myself. I ordered the entree I liked, and when our food came, my sister was glaring at me the entire time.
I finished my food, and I guess I didn’t really need to take any leftovers home since they were all gone, lol. When asked if we wanted dessert, my dad asked me if I would like some. I said I was full, but my dad said he’d want me to at least take something home, so I ordered a cheesecake.
That was when my sister snapped. She called me a spoiled brat for wasting food and our father’s money and asked, “Why do I freaking need dessert?” My dad told my sister to calm down and said she could get dessert, too. My sister got even angrier and called me names such as a fat pig (I’m around 115, so not even close), a yes-woman, whatever the heck that means, and said that I was wasting money.
I make my own money, so I don’t know what her issue was. I didn’t want to be around her, so I just got up and left. My parents begged me to stay, as we planned to get coffee somewhere else afterward, but I declined. I couldn’t stay if my sister was going to continue being there.
I even changed my mind about dessert.
When I got home, I received a couple of calls from my parents apologizing on my sister’s behalf, and my mom said I shouldn’t have walked out and let my sister get the better of me. She tends to defend my sister a lot, so I told her she needed to wake up and understand how my sister has always tried to control me for reasons I can’t understand.
Am I the jerk for walking out?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Stop attending events if your sister is invited. She’s evil and you don’t deserve a devil ruining your day. The next time your parents invite you two to dinner, tell them that you’d love to have a meal with the two of them but that you are taking a break from your sister.
Tell them she has unknown mental health issues that make her obsessed with you and that you need a break from it. Tell them that you hope the break gives her time to get a life and quit worrying about yours.” saintandvillian
Another User Comments:
“NTJ! You were sensible enough to walk out before things got way out of hand. The good thing here is that you know how to handle your sister. Next time she does that, just make a sarcastic comment and move on. Or better yet, give her a taste of her own medicine.
Next time, also give your mom a taste of her own medicine by telling her to stand up to every insult that comes out of your dad’s/sister’s mouth towards her, and see how she handles it.” BoredofBin
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It’s wild to me that your mother is trying to put this on you for ‘letting her get the best of you’ when she and your dad rightfully told her it wasn’t her concern in the first place.
She blew up at you in a public restaurant because… what? Your parents decided to do something nice for you that they were also doing for her??? It’s not about letting her get the best of you; it’s about her acting like a jerk in the first place.
You don’t have to tolerate that kind of disrespect just because your sister holds some sort of bizarre, unspoken grudge against you. You decided not to tolerate her behavior, and your parents need to stop tolerating it as well.” burner_suplex
