People Ask Us To Be Frank With Them About Their "Am I The Jerk?" Stories
17. AITJ For Being Angry At My Husband For Leaving Our Daughters At The Park?
“My (F32) husband (M37) has always had a bad relationship with his dad, in 2020 some major dispute happened between them resulting in my FIL getting a restraining order against my husband, My husband then hasn’t been able to visit his parents’ house anymore. His mom would visit us to see her granddaughters (9 & 7) or take them to visit their grandfather while she babysits.
Last week my husband and I had to work and needed MIL to babysit the girl but she couldn’t come to our house so my husband took the girls to the park so she could pick them up from there and take them to her house.
I was at work when MIL called saying she had an emergency and couldn’t come to the park to pick up the girls and my husband wasn’t picking up, I kept calling him but no reply til an hour later when he told me he was already at work and left the girls sitting in the park waiting for Mil.
I freaked out asking how he left them there unsupervised but he said he was already late for work and figured his mom would be there in just a few minutes to pick them up, I yelled at him that his mom just called saying she couldn’t leave home due to an emergency so the girls were alone at the park.
He tried to calm me down but I left work and drove to the park and found them sitting with a family, I was furious I took them home and waited for him to get home.
I lost my ever-loving cool on him yelling that he shouldn’t have left the girls alone no matter what his reason was and he said he thought his mom would be there in a matter of minutes, besides, the park was full of families and it was in broad daylight and not 10 pm.
I basically chewed him out calling him neglectful and irresponsible for prioritizing work over his kid’s wellbeing. He actually said I overreacted and was angry at ‘the wrong person’ and blamed his mom for bailing on him last minute, but I told him to stop using his mom as a scapegoat cause it’s pathetic. In response, he told me off and went upstairs to check on the girls.
That was the last time we talked, He’s ever since started avoiding me and only talked to me through the girls saying stuff like ‘daddy couldn’t sleep last night cause mommy yelled at him and made him sad’ or ‘daddy needs an apology to feel better’. Acting like I wronged him and it irked me beyond measure.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your husband should have called his mother to see how far away she was if he was concerned about the time, or called his job to let them know that he would be running late.
The fact that he thought his mother would be okay with picking up her unaccompanied grandchildren from the park makes me wonder if he has done this before.
I feel like he’s being very flippant over the fact that he left his two daughters alone in the park for an hour. I know that wasn’t what he thought would happen, but it is what happened. As a child, it’s scary to lose sight of your parent in a store for a few minutes.
Has he thought about how his daughters must have felt, waiting alone with no sign of their grandma?
I think if anyone should apologize, it should be your husband apologizing to your daughters. He was faced with a choice, and he picked the option that was most convenient for him, not the option that was safest for his children.” 0_foreverzero_0
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Not only did he leave them at the park a*suming his mom was on the way, but he ignored calls from her. This is where it becomes super a*s negligent. if he would have answered, he would have realized his sitter was no longer available. Also, he left the kids without a way to communicate with family.
They had no way of contacting someone if something happened. People are concentrating on kidnapping as something that can happen. Sure it can. But honestly, more often offense to be worried about is hara*sment. And 2 girls alone in a park with no supervision there or on their way are very vulnerable. This is not the same as kids walking to a park down the street from home.
They were dropped off with no safe space to go to. So sad that your husband can’t see how bad this is. Or maybe he is just really embarrassed and ashamed and doesn’t know how to step back and admit fault. He sounds like a super peach. His dad has the right idea.” NotTheJury
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. The audacity of this man to not only want an apology from you but to bring your children into it by telling them he needs an apology!
9 & 7 is far too young to leave alone without any supervision, especially considering that things like this happen – where someone is late to pick them up or has an emergency and can’t pick them up at all.
As everyone else has already mentioned, the lack of concern your husband showed around leaving them alone at the park given how obviously dangerous and irresponsible it was is alarming. At the very least, being so young and waiting so long without knowing if/when you will be picked up is scary and very upsetting.
Other well-intentioned families at the park could have seen the girls waiting for over an hour alone and could have contacted the police or CPS. And people without good intentions and nefarious motives could have easily taken advantage of two young children left alone for a prolonged period of time.
Your husband sounds immature and is deflecting by trying to turn this into an argument between the two of you.
It isn’t. You are upset on behalf of your children because as an adult you understand the risk he put them in. You don’t need to apologize for advocating for your children’s safety.” El_Ren
16. AITJ For Not Helping My Partner Sleep?
“I am 16 weeks pregnant and my partner and I both work full-time. In the past, I have had sleeping problems and learned to manage them with a variety of techniques.
I had a lot of mental health struggles earlier in our relationship and my partner was very supportive.
My partner has been struggling with his mental health lately for the first time in his life. For months now quite often my partner has had trouble sleeping and it can take him hours to fall asleep at night.
After some very bad nights, he’s even had to take the day off work because he’s too tired to drive.
I have been trying to support him through this and have sourced different ‘sleepy time teas’ for him to try but they only ever work for so long until he gets used to them and they stop working.
We also have rules around bedtime. If I don’t have work the next day and my partner does I have to go to bed at the same time as him or he says he won’t be able to sleep even if I’m in another room. We have to sleep with the fan at full speed even if it’s cold.
We can’t sleep with the air conditioning on even if it’s very hot because the noise will keep him awake. If I snore too much in my sleep or breathe ‘wrong/too heavy’ my partner asks me to sleep in the guest room (which I always do).
When my partner comes up to bed to drink his tea I must put the sound on my phone off and either lock my phone or put it under the covers till we are ready to sleep.
My partner has tried melatonin, other herbal sleep medications, and breathing techniques before bed to try and help. When my partner has trouble sleeping he will often wake me several times in the night and give me an update on how long he’s been awake. I have tried on several occasions when my partner has woken me to tell him a story until he goes back to sleep.
This usually takes me an hour and as the phone light bothers him I usually do this off memory. My partner insists that this is very effective but I have since refused to do it as I have found the next day I’m very tired at work (on top of my already iron deficient and pregnancy tiredness) and have trouble staying awake while driving to work in the morning.
I have been suggesting for a long time that my partner make an appointment to see the doctor to get some advice and possibly see a therapist to get to the root of the issue or even try and find another health provider that may be able to help with sleep. My partner often says he would only see the doctor for sleeping pills.
I’m afraid my partner would lean heavily on sleeping pills and find it impossible to sleep without them and have told him as such. He doesn’t seem to think there’s is anything else that can be done and either way after months has still not made a doctor’s appointment.
My partner keeps telling me he doesn’t feel supported because I won’t stay up with him in the middle of the night and tell him stories till he goes back to sleep.
So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“I’m sorry. Your partner insists that you have to stay awake with him because he has insomnia.
That’s like saying if he had cancer, you’d have to find some way to give yourself cancer, too. Otherwise, you’re not being supportive.
What if you prerecorded stories and he could listen to them with headphones?
Frankly, in your place, I’d be looking at separate bedrooms. His demands are relentless and he is unwilling to make a single concession. The noise of the air conditioning keeps him awake, but the fan running full speed all night doesn’t? Tell him to make that doctor’s appointment and to share your concerns about dependency on sleeping pills.
This is jeopardizing your health and livelihood.
I get that he’s having a hard time, but I can’t sympathize with someone who’s apparently determined that you have to be as miserable as he is. He’s being very selfish and inconsiderate.
NTJ.” User
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
You’re not his doctor or his therapist. Yes, there’s a certain level of care you should be giving your spouse and you should want to help them when they need it.
To me, it seems you’ve done this and beyond. If you have to have a list of ridiculous rules to abide by just to let him go to sleep and he is still waking you up all night asking for bedtime stories, he needs help you are unfit to provide. He needs a professional. Sleeplessness and sleep deprivation will tear you two apart if you keep trying to fix this on your own.
Have a very serious discussion with him and make it clear you are not physically capable of keeping up with his sleep problems. You have a baby inside you that needs your body to rest too. Make it clear you EXPECT him to seek outside help. Make it clear that he is jeopardizing your baby’s and your health by being stubborn and if you are responsible enough to take care of your body and mind for your baby, HE CAN TOO.” TrueObsidian11
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. He doesn’t feel supported? He wakes you up multiple times to complain and help him and you have to follow all of his conditions for sleeping, including going to bed with him because he can’t sleep by himself and then leaving your bed if you breathe wrong?! And you’re pregnant? So your body is exhausted from growing another person, you’re iron-deficient, you work, and he thinks it’s okay to disturb your sleep because he has trouble sleeping and with all this, he’s saying you aren’t supportive enough?
You need separate bedrooms because you need your rest — you say sometimes you have trouble staying awake enough to drive to work, so this is legitimately dangerous. Who demands that their pregnant partner stay up and tell them stories when they know that puts you at risk? He knows how awful it feels to be sleep-deprived and he still wakes you up and demands stories from you like a four-year-old while refusing to go to the doctor.
Look, I don’t want to jump to any conclusions here, and maybe he’s great in every other respect, but this does remind me a lot of my emotionally abusive ex, who always needed me to tell her stories or play little games with her to get her to fall asleep, would never reciprocate, would get mad if I moved around in bed or had to get up to pee, would blame me if I needed anything at night even in an emergency, but had no qualms waking me for minor things to help her, and also generally refused to go to a doctor or therapist…
either way, it’s not great, and it’s reached the point that it’s dangerous for you because you can’t stay awake while driving.
Stop helping him until he goes to the doctor, and sleep in the other bedroom.” lawfox32
15. AITJ For Not Letting My Daughter Live With Us?
“I (55M) have three daughters with my ex (28F, 27F, and 25F).
This will mostly be focusing on the oldest daughter. My ex chose the path of partying and became a heavy drinker when the girls were young. When we divorced, I moved back into the area to be closer to family and my two younger daughters moved with me. My oldest daughter stayed with my ex and stayed in contact with me.
I remarried when the daughters were teenagers and became a stepfather to my wife’s two daughters. My oldest daughter came back up into the area and started to burn bridges with most of the family. She would steal, would not hold a job, and became a heavy drinker. She got pregnant at 17 and gave her ex full custody.
She was horrible to my wife, who paid for her GED and to attend college. She never did either. My daughter moved back down south and is living with her mother.
She has been going out with a guy for a year and we found out that she was pregnant. She and her partner asked if they could move back in with my wife and me.
The issue is that we don’t have the room at the moment as both of my stepdaughters are currently living with us. I told my daughter that we didn’t have a room. She got upset and thinks I am favoring her stepdaughters.
My ex reached out and called my wife a few names and should kick my stepdaughters out.
My daughter is mad at me and won’t answer my texts or calls.
AITJ for not letting my daughter move in?”
Another User Comments:
“You’re fine on not having room for them to move in. But I think this is an ‘everyone sucks here’. Mainly because you present this as if your daughter just somehow went off the rails.
You got remarried when she was a teen, so you got divorced when she was a young teen or tween. And before that, she grew up with a relationship that was not going well and an addicted parent. Those are a bunch of factors that very often mean children will make bad choices. I went through something similar but without the addict parent, and I remember actively deciding that I wasn’t going to let it push me into a ‘bad’ type of life.
And I watched people at similar ages with messy home lives turn to smoke, to harder things and drinking, to sleeping around.
Everyone sucks here because the whole way you talk about this is as if she became a bad kid making bad choices for no reason – her home life fell apart, she was a child without healthy adults/relationships to the template, and she got left alone in the house with the addicted adult.
There is still definitely some individual choice, so I’m including her in the ‘everyone sucks here’. But you should understand that you had a massive hand in this by not making sure that she had support and affection and some positive parenting.” very_busy_newt
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Your ex definitely sounds like a jerk, and she seems to have had an unfortunate influence on your daughter.
However, she is still YOUR daughter and you can’t blame her for her upbringing. If she’s a heavy drinker and had a pregnancy at 17, then she clearly needs help, not scorn.
‘She would steal, would not hold a job, and became a heavy drinker.’
OK, so what did you do? You don’t seem to have extended any support whatsoever, based on what you’ve written.
While your daughter is an adult now and should be able to take care of herself, hence you have no obligation to help, based on how you’ve written this post I still think you’re the jerk for not stepping up as her father.” thechurchofcage
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
The only questionable choice I see here was you letting the oldest stay with her heavy-drinking mother at the time of your divorce.
Why didn’t you take all three? Regardless, you and your wife did what you could to help her, and she repaid you with disrespect. There’s no reason to think that would change even if you did have room for them, and you’d be subjecting everyone else in the home to their crap. You could help out in other ways (financially, for example) without jeopardizing the quality of life you have achieved for your family.
Finally, your stepdaughters are your children, period. I get so sick and tired of people who expect stepchildren to be treated as some kind of second-class family member. Just… no. They are family.” Magnanimoe
14. AITJ For Deleting My Younger Brother's YouTube Channel?
“My (17M) brother (11M) is really into playing video games and some months ago he decided to make a gaming channel on YouTube.
When he first told me about it, I honestly didn’t think anything of it, because I thought he wouldn’t get any views anyway. After all, he doesn’t even know how to edit or make a good thumbnail. But about 2 weeks ago, he came up to me and told me that he had over 4,000 subscribers now and he was really proud of it.
I was kinda surprised and decided to watch some of his videos, to see what it all was about. So I watched maybe half of his videos and it really bothered me how much private information he shared in them. He talked about what city and area we live in, and where he goes to school, and he mentioned some of his friends’ names and some other details.
I know about the dangers that can come with this kind of stuff so I tried to explain them to him, and told him that it would be better if he deleted some of the videos, for his safety. He didn’t take me seriously at all and made fun of me for being so paranoid.
Then I tried to tell my mom about it multiple times and she also said that I was being paranoid and told me that I should let him figure this out by himself. But in my opinion, he is too young to understand some of these things.
My brother continued to upload these videos and I started to get really worried, so when I was home alone one afternoon, I went into his room and deleted his entire YouTube channel.
(I know his passwords because I set most of them up myself.) When my brother found out that his channel was gone and that it was me who deleted it, he threw a full-on temper tantrum, screaming and throwing things around. Then he locked himself in his room and cried for probably 3hrs. My mom is also really, really mad at me.
She said that my brother had finally found something that he enjoys and that he’s good at, and I destroyed it just to get attention. She grounded me for 3 weeks and took away all my stuff so that I know what it feels like. Then I called my stepdad and told him about and he sided with me, but he’s away on a business trip, so he’s not much help.
Now I’m stuck in the house with nothing to do and my brother and my mom both hate me. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If anything, your mother is the jerk for not taking this more seriously. You have every right to be paranoid because the dangers are real. Speaking from personal experience, there are very dangerous and scary people out there.
For her to say ‘Let him figure it out by himself’ absolutely enraged me. How exactly is he supposed to figure it out? When he’s stuck in the back of an unmarked white van? Then she’ll be on the news crying her eyes out wondering how she could’ve known.
Bravo for being a cautious, responsible, and caring older brother doing the job your mother should be doing.
Don’t ever think for one second that putting the safety of your loved one above all else is being a jerk. And I will say this one more thing. As a mother, I will say to you what your mother should be saying to you, I am very proud of you for making sure your little brother is safe.
I hope my son will grow up to be as responsible and caring for his little sister as you are with your brother.” mbull4156
Another User Comments:
“I’m torn this is tough, I’m leaning towards YTJ because you’re not his parent and it’s not for you to decide and it’s a jerk move to delete the entire channel after he gained so many subscribers (deleting all the vids with personal info would be better even if it meant each individual video but the whole channel is a bit harsh because it’s harder to rebuild) but on the other hand, I’m gonna say NTJ because under YouTube terms you have to be at least 13 to have your own channel and he and your parents clearly don’t understand internet safety I think you should teach them about it.
He is too young to understand so he will resent you for some time but he will get over it eventually. Especially because he’s so young there are dangerous people out there and I don’t think he will fully understand that yet.” glittersparkles106
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. That’s really dangerous.
The minimum age is 13 because of laws like GDPR (General Data Protection Regulation) and COPPA (Children’s Online Privacy Protection Rule) relating to how data belonging to children can be accessed.
It would’ve only been a matter of time before someone found out he was 11 and got the account taken down. GDPR and COPPA don’t suddenly stop when you become 13, the account still would’ve been deleted regardless as it was created while he was underage.
This whole fiasco would’ve happened whether you were involved or not.
The removal of the person’s information was 100% necessary.
A lot of people are mentioning alternatives like deleting/hiding the videos. This doesn’t solve the problem.
The brother clearly does not understand that this is dangerous and the parents are useless. This means he’ll continue to do it in the future. OP surely does not want to be their YouTube censorer and eventually, the brother will get annoyed and change his password.” External_Address4401
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here – your brother was wrong for posting personal information, your mother was wrong for not taking it seriously, but you were wrong for ‘hacking’ your brother’s account and deleting the channel unilaterally. You are not the parent. If your stepdad agrees with you now, he would have agreed with you if you brought it to his attention before.
You could have talked to your parents, explained the situation, and then they, as his parents, could have had your brother delete the information and instructed him on what was acceptable to post (something you could have discussed with them ahead of time).
NTJ for what you were trying to do, but definitely a jerk for how you went about it.
Waiting for your step-dad to be home or talking to them before he even left was the proper thing to do.” HKatzOnline
13. AITJ For Not Acknowledging My Sister's Engagement?
“My (28f) younger sister (20f) has been in an on-again-off-again relationship with her high school lover (19m) for like 4 years. He was unfaithful to her and before the global crisis, she broke things off saying that he made her feel bad about herself and was controlling. He went into the military and the distance wasn’t working.
She would spend the entire day in her room in the dark either talking to him or waiting to talk to him and was sinking into depression.
After she broke it off, she was finally going and hanging out with her friends again and seemed genuinely happy. Throughout this time her then-ex would constantly call/text/message etc. Once he even messaged ME to see where she was because she wasn’t responding to his texts.
Then the crisis hit and her college campus shut down and she stopped spending time with friends and went back to spending most of her time in her room. They got back together and she hardly comes out. Honestly, I hadn’t acknowledged their relationship at all. Never asked about him because I figured it was just a phase until the crisis ended.
Fast forward, he came home after not seeing her for a year proposed. The whole fam found out on social media of all places. I said congrats sarcastically when I saw them but it’s so hard to take it seriously let alone be happy about it and haven’t talked to them since or responded to any of her messages.
I’ve been clear that he’s not welcome in my home and when I bump into them at my parent’s house, I just leave. My parents have said that my behavior is only going to push her further away. She just landed a dream job where she’ll be making 3x what he makes and I worry that she’ll throw it away to follow him across the country.
The job is at my old office and I bent over backwards to get her foot in the door.
I seriously can’t stand this guy. After I had my first child a couple of years ago he would come to my house and make comments about it being dirty (I was 4 DAYS postpartum). I got to the point where I asked my sister to stop bringing him over because he made me so self-conscious.
(She lived with me at the time) He’s also impossible to have a conversation with because he has a ‘better than you’ attitude and always has something rude to say.
I truly feel that this proposal was a juvenile attempt at control and I can barely bring myself to speak to him. I know it’s not my life and I want my sister to be happy but I also want her to make good choices.
AITJ for holding him at an arm’s length and ignoring their engagement?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but don’t ignore the engagement because I doubt it is going to go away.
In a few years, your sister is going to need you. She will have followed him cross country so goodbye to a great job. She will be knocked up with another on the way.
He will be treating her horribly. She will be miserable.
Sadly, you can’t prevent this because when you are 20, you are always right and when it is the first love, doubly so. She won’t listen to you. But it will be your choice in a few years whether you choose to pick up the pieces.” JoneseyP98
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
You acknowledged their engagement by saying congrats.
You also know and understand that he is not good for your sister’s mental and emotional health. However, your sister is willing to make this huge mistake and just be with this person. She has to learn this lesson the hard way. You can be cordial towards him, for the sake of your sister (hopefully, she will wake up from this stupor she is in) Just be there for her, when it falls down around her.
Good Luck.” AugustBabyLEO
Another User Comments:
“NTJ for holding him at an arm’s length but if you continually blow her off you’re gonna push her away and farther into his arms. She has to learn from her own mistakes and if you try to tell her what to do she’ll resent you for it.
If she gets to a point she’s unhappy she won’t feel like she can come to you about it in fear of hearing “ I told you so” she’ll just keep trying to make it work.” themeganlodon
He's a total control freak and overly strict, not to mention very sexist (and yes, he's in the military too).
He treats his wife like garbage, he treats his two sons like garbage and insults them regularly (at least when he's there).
And when he's not at home making his family's life wacky, he's off screwing around with various women.
He even got one woman pregnant.
And his wife won't leave him because she grew up in an overly religious family that doesn't believe in divorce (so basically whenever she complains to them, they push her to stay no matter what).
Needless to say, I see that, or some variation of it, being the sister's future with this guy if she marries him.
And I can't blame OP one bit for not supporting it.
12. AITJ For Asking My Friend Not To Invite Her Partner When I'm At Her Place?
“My friend/former roommate lives in a studio apartment in a major city and I am visiting her for a couple of weeks. We’ve done this before; she works at her office during the day, I work from home at her place, and we hang out after work.
Well, now she apparently has a partner who works until 3 am, comes over to her place when he finishes work, and sleeps at her place until 4 or 5 pm when he goes to get ready for work at his own place.
It’s really annoying and uncomfortable, especially since this is a studio apartment and there are no privacy or sound barriers. I feel like I have to tip-toe around the apartment to not wake him, and also I have work and personal calls that I don’t need him to be listening in on.
I asked her yesterday if she would ask him to sleep at his own place while I’m here.
She was a little surprised that I asked but said she would tell him. She told me that this caused a fight last night between them and that he wasn’t going to leave. She also mentioned that she couldn’t force him to go home and told me I was being unreasonable.
I don’t think I’m being unreasonable.
I like the guy and all, but had I known this would be the arrangement, I wouldn’t have planned out such a long visit.
Am I the jerk for asking her to ask her SO to stay at his own place while I’m here?”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here:
That’s not sustainable for either of you for any length of time.
You were not warned/notified that this was a ‘thing’ you should be aware of when you made the arrangement so I don’t blame you for being upset.
This is their arrangement and it’s your friend’s place, so it’s not going to feel great to them to be told they have to make changes for you… he likely feels like they’re basically cohabitating and you’re kicking him out of ‘his’ place.
As much as it sucks, if this is going to be the living arrangement when you’re visiting it may need to change so you stay at an Airbnb or hotel while you’re visiting.” No-Policy-4095
Another User Comments:
“YTJ
Your friend has invited you to be her guest, and you attempt to dictate her SO’s presence there.
It would be reasonable for you to note that this could be a problem for your friend, within the context of your not wanting to disturb him while he sleeps, and allow her to come up with a solution. But requesting this was out of bounds.” Illuminator007
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here
You’re right to be uncomfortable.
It’s awkward to work when someone’s sleeping, it’s awkward to be alone with someone you don’t know when they’re sleeping, it’s awkward to sleep in essentially the same room as someone you don’t know, and like you said if you’d know you wouldn’t have stayed as long.
She’s right in that it is her apartment and she didn’t really think about how uncomfortable it would be, maybe she wouldn’t find it uncomfortable so she didn’t think about it.
There are ways to make compromises so I’d talk it out with your friend. Instead of asking directly, he could stay in his place and not there, just try to find a reasonable compromise.” New_Echidna1480
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here. It’s her place so she can have whoever over she wishes, you can’t dictate who gets to stay or go. She should’ve told you about her SO’s sleeping habits and him being over so constantly before you planned the trip. He has his own place he can sleep at, she’s not even around during that time, and it’s not his place so he doesn’t get to be angry.
You shouldn’t have to tiptoe or be as loud as you normally would during your work hours/day and if he has a problem with it then it is just that. His problem.” savthesage
11. AITJ For Letting My Step-Grandson Become Homeless?
“So my step-grandson came here to California anyway for college, and as promised/advised I didn’t let him live with me despite how much it hurt not to.
Apparently, he was kicked out of the student Apartments for constant parties, disturbing the peace, and harassment of his female peers. I know this because the RA sent a certified letter to my house due to me being his only adult relative listed on his emergency contact sheet. He also lost the cleaning job that he had at the student apartments.
As you can imagine after he got kicked out he came to my house penniless asking to live with me and wanted funds. I gave him two options one-way plane ticket back to Michigan or get a job/room with an old Navy buddy so he can get the help he needs, which he also refused. I told him to leave and don’t come back until he was ready to change.
I and my other grandson that lives with me we’re going shopping and my grandson showed me a camera app alert on his phone of him breaking into my garage and trying to steal one of my cars. So I called the cops. He was arrested and we pulled up to the house. I spoke to the police and decided to press full charges.
I truly hated to do that. It hurt but I feel like this is the only way he’s going to learn and turn his life around. WHO STEALS FROM THEIR GRANDFATHER!?
My son-in-law called me asking if I would consider dropping the charges as he’s looking at a minimum of 5 years, and I said no. I feel like tough love is needed here more than ever before he’s on a destructive path for the rest of his life.
We along with my daughter talked and decided to proceed with this action.
I love all of my grandkids equally step-grandchild or b***d. But AITJ for not dropping the charges because he needs to learn his lesson and change?
EDIT: So let me say If I let the charges stick he’ll go to a youth offender correctional facility.
Five years is the max. With good behavior, he’ll get out in 2-3 years, and the felony will be removed in a year if he stays in school and is doing the right thing. He can also work on his degree in there from what a lawyer friend says if he complies with everything the record will be dropped. I am open to other alternatives for corrective action.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I think you’re looking more for reassurance that you did the right thing, rather than whether you were the jerk.
He hasn’t tried to change at all. He was given opportunities. His parents tried to help him. He had college, and a dorm room and his attitude is so bad, he wrecked that for himself.
You gave him two possible options and he tried to steal your car.
He’s underage, so his arrest record will be locked as a juvenile. This is his last time trying to figure this out. Spend time in juvie. Hopefully, his parents make a plan for when he gets released (i.e. therapy, rules, consequences).
He is not your problem to fix. His father had 17 years to fix him and failed. It’s time he faces serious consequences for what he did.” User
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – While reading this, I can hear your pain, fear, concern, and frustration, your love for your family is obvious. I think it’s really important to remind yourself that you are doing what is best for yourself and your step-grandson.
While your D & SIL might have different perceptions of what is beneficial, these charges are probably the best chance your step-grandson has. This is what sounds like the closest program the US has to a true rehabilitation program for offenders – if he gets older and repeats this habit, the criminal justice system is much less forgiving.
This program also provides a few benefits to him- regular access to meals, healthcare, shelter, education, potentially some programming, and access to peers who are (maybe) trying to better themselves.
I also want to remind you that reading your previous stories, you are very deliberate with your thoughts, actions, and aid you provide to others; you are very helpful but you give people tools to help themselves.
Sometimes young folks only act one way because people think they are capable of that one stereotype. Perhaps speaking with your step-grandson and reminding him that you care, you’re doing this to give him an opportunity to take ownership of his actions, you believe he can be a man and come out of this as a productive man you’d like to become.
You’re doing the best you can, that’s all you can do considering the circumstances- make sure you take time for yourself as well.” meggzieelulu
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but something is happening with your step-grandson that he needs help with and five years in prison will ruin his life. It sounds like he might have some mental health issues.
I have sympathy for everyone involved and I don’t think we know enough of the story here, You did find him a place to stay and I don’t know why he wouldn’t take advantage of that.
I feel like you’re taking a parenting philosophy now that might be too late, I don’t know how he developed the character he has or if he’s just unwell but prison is not going to help him.
He’s going to have a record and he will be in a place where he learns how to continue the path he’s on but more violently and with less empathy. You can’t let him steal from you obviously and you can’t let him live with you. He made that apparent. But I think I’d offer to drop the charges if he will see a doctor, go to rehab if necessary, get a mental health evaluation, and then accept the offer of a trip back to Michigan.
I don’t think he should be around you after this because you’ll always wonder what he’s going to do.
There isn’t a perfect answer and these are just suggestions but I really believe that prison will basically erase any hope he has to pull out of the decline he is in.” dog_star_
10. AITJ For Selling The Piano That Was Supposed To Be My Sister's?
“My parents usually buy presents in late November, to avoid people. They usually make me (17F) buy the presents with them or alone.
This year, however, they only made me buy them and my older’s sister present and not the middle one. My parents don’t really like me, but they usually buy my presents
In December my sister’s (20F) piano broke. Because my parents had already bought her a Christmas gift (a nice car) everyone assumed that she would have to start saving to buy her own piano. Well apparently not, because on Christmas the present that was supposed to be mine turned out to be a new and very expensive piano. I was LIVID and immediately started looking for prices to sell it.
My parents said that they were very disappointed since I didn’t even let my sister touch it. Everyone in my family sided with them and insisted that I get things all the time, to which I replied that so do my other 2 sisters. Finally, my sister offered to buy it for less than half the price, which still was a huge amount, but I could buy myself a lot of things for the real among, so I declined.
I ended up selling it a few days ago. My sister said that she is really hurt and that I’d put a stop to her dream which is to be a concert performer. I know my parents are HUGE jerks, but I feel like I was greedy and mad, and ended up taking it all on my sister who wasn’t involved in my parent’s decision.
So AITJ?
EDIT: To clarify some bad wording of mine, my parents gave the piano to me, with the excuse that I should learn how to play and also so my sister could practice. There was a whole piano in my house when we arrived that said my name and they insisted I should play ‘for them’.
So the piano was mine until I sold it, although my parents thought that I would give it to my sister.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. They gave YOU a piano just because they thought you would give it to your sister doesn’t mean you have to.
So they spent $25k on a piano and a car for your sister under the terms that they give you the piano just so you can gift it to her.
Maybe they should have sold the car they bought her so they could buy you a gift that you actually wanted.
$25k on one gift is outrageous for a twenty-year-old. Isn’t that like almost one year at an instate public college? (From the UK so not sure about how much college costs in the US only know that it’s a lot)
I’m sitting here thinking they must be rich to buy a car and an expensive piano or they like keeping up with the Joneses and as long as the golden child is happy they will spend whatever to make it happen.
When you give a gift to someone you can’t dictate what they do with it.
Your parents seem more upset that you didn’t give it to your sister rather than selling something expensive that they bought.” PsychologicalPhone94
Another User Comments:
“NTJ OP and you really shouldn’t feel bad even towards your sister and definitely not towards your parents! If she really wanted the piano, she could have offered to share her car with you by putting your name on the deed but she didn’t.
Instead, she offered you $500 for a $25,000 piano thinking that was somehow enough to cover your Christmas present and parental neglect. Your parents are just plain jerks for attempting to guilt you into ‘sharing’ the piano with your sister. It’s unfortunate that you have given most of the funds from selling the piano back to them because I don’t think they’ll ever spend that funds on you again.
You could’ve invested in your own future instead of trusting them with the money.” Special-Cat7540
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. For one, who buys a $25k piano as a present? If it’s $25 grand it’s almost certainly a baby grand piano. Even someone practicing does not need a baby grand piano. There are wonderfully weighted keyboards for practice that your sister could easily purchase for less than $5k.
Also, if your parents are so wealthy they can toss out $25 grand on a Christmas present, I don’t understand why they couldn’t have gotten your sister something less expensive by now.
Is there a rule that each kid only gets one present? I play piano myself. Of course, a baby grand sounds wonderful.
But that is an investment, for something you’re really passionate about. You don’t buy someone a baby grand to LEARN on. You buy a $100 Yamaha keyboard until you decide it’s something you really want to pursue. Your sister could probably even find a used upright for less than $5k if she really wants a piano so badly.
NTJ and I feel sorry for both you and your sister that these are the parents you all are saddled with.” Oromuerto
9. AITJ For Not Rescheduling My Doctor's Appointment?
“I’m experiencing some health problems and have been waiting to get an MRI scheduled for months. In December 2021 I was finally scheduled and let my supervisor know I would need the afternoon off on the day of the MRI.
She was fine with it since I have her over a month’s notice and blocked the time off on my schedule. Fast forward to today, my supervisor just found out my coworkers and I need a particular training that is being offered on the same day and time as my MRI. She is telling me I have to reschedule the MRI but if I do that it will likely be several more months before I can get it done.
I told her rescheduling would put me in a very bad place and she just said ‘I know, I’m sorry.’ Would I be the jerk if I refused to reschedule? I hate being in a position where I have to choose between my health and my job.
ETA: just wanted to add that my supervisor is actually pretty awesome and I love her.
That’s why I feel like the jerk for not rescheduling. I have no doubt that the only reason she asked me to reschedule is that her supervisor told her to.
Another ETA: I have asked if there are alternate times/dates for the training and there are not. Those telling me to work half a day to attend the training, I am working half a day.
My MRI is at 2:45 so I will leave work at 2:30. The MRI is with and without contrast which will like last 2-2.5 hours. The training is 4-5 PM (we close at 5) so there’s no way for me to attend that particular training. I have already told my supervisor that I will not reschedule and have requested a note from my doctor.
Final update: they are going to record the training for me. I am still going to follow up on FMLA (Family and Medical Leave Act) to avoid this in the future. Apparently, people are getting mad at me for leaving work at 2:30 when my appointment is at 2:45: my work is directly across the street from the hospital I am getting my MRI at.
I regularly walk over to the hospital to get coffee from their cafe (it takes 2 minutes to get there on foot). I am able to do my check-in paperwork online (including submitting my ID and insurance card). All I have to do is sign in and go back to the imaging center.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Your health is more important. As someone with multiple sclerosis (MS) (I had MS symptoms since 2000, diagnosed in 2003), your health can change overnight. I got diagnosed when my leg stopped working. Eventually, I learned to use a cane and can now walk without one most of the time. You need to get the diagnosis so you know what to expect and if anything were to change within your work environment.
Do not change your MRI. Get a doctor’s note if that is what’s needed to prove your reason for not attending the training session. Remind your supervisor that this had already been moved and you cannot wait any longer for a diagnosis. This is a necessary test and it cannot be put off anymore.
I do hope she understands.
Not being available for required training sessions is not something you take lightly, but you must get this test now.” Azile96
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. I appreciate that you like your supervisor. And unless she neglected to pay attention to the scheduling of the training, I don’t think she’s the jerk unless she insists that you reschedule.
All that being said, only you should choose which is more important to happen timely. You know how important the training will be to your career, and you know how urgent your health needs are. Make an informed decision, and as long as your supervisor doesn’t push hard, I think it’ll all be good.” Impatiently_waitin
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – you did everything right. You asked for the time of a month in advance, your supervisor approved it, and you have it in writing. Your supervisor is majorly out of line to ask you to move your MRI. She’s actually out of line to ask you to give up your time off no matter the reason.
You asked if it was approved, that’s the end of it,
DO NOT reschedule and you need to tell her ‘I asked for the time of a month in advance and you approved it, therefore I will not be coming in that day. I will have to take the training at a later date.’ If she continues to ask or harass you regarding your taking the time, gather all the emails and go above her head.
She’s not a friend, she’s your supervisor and she’s not doing her job when she’s forcing employees to give up time off that they asked for and that was approved, especially not when it was asked for so much in advance.
NTJ – go to your appointment. An MRI, and your health, are more important than anything.
Good luck sweetie.” bookworm1421
8. AITJ For Not Paying My Friend?
“My partner (Dean) and I had a new year’s eve party. Dean invited a D&D friend named Joe and his partner Amy.
Joe and Amy arrived buzzed as they were pre-drinking at a restaurant – no biggie, it’s a party! Joe is an extrovert, and more so when intoxicated. Amy is more of an introvert, but she loves to drink.
Things took a turn when the group decided to walk to a burger joint down the road, leaving Joe and Amy in the apartment with one other friend. Amy was curled up on the couch clearly over her limit. Joe took her to the bedroom to let her sleep it off.
Around 3 AM someone came out of the bedroom to let me know that Amy wet the bed. Yep, urinated in her sleep, all over with some trickling onto the floor.
I’ve had my fair share of overly intoxicated nights, so I wasn’t upset – we all worked together to get her things cleaned up. Amy had a shower, change of clothes, water, and soup to ease her stomach. Everything went into the garbage because I was not dealing with urine-soaked sheets. I told Joe and Amy not to worry about the damages as I was hoping for a new set anyway.
The day after the party, I found a small red purse on my kitchen counter – we all guessed that it was Amy’s as it matched the outfit she was wearing. Dean informed Joe who said they would come and pick up their car and her purse the following day.
January 4th arrives, with Joe and Amy at my door – we exchange pleasantries, they collect their items and give me $50 for the mess on new year’s eve.
I let them know it wasn’t a big deal and tried to give the money back, but they insisted.
Joe reached out to us later that day asking if we removed $500 from the purse. I told them that I was the one who found the purse and hid it in the closet but didn’t go through the contents.
We asked the other party people if they saw anything, and I even checked the camera that faces the kitchen (we have a dog). The camera was somehow disconnected, so I couldn’t pull the feed from that night.
During this time, I learned that both Joe and Amy had lost their jobs that day and the coins in her purse were a week of tips.
We felt horrible about the situation, so we offered to send back the $50 that they gave to us. Amy refused, she just asked me to keep an eye out in case it’s recovered.
Joe was adamant that someone stole the money from Amy’s purse and said we should ask the others for money to recoup the missing funds.
Dean told Joe that we will not be asking our friends for money as we had no idea of knowing that someone took it or if it was misplaced. Joe took this poorly and posted pictures of us on multiple D&D groups and chatrooms stating that we stole from them.
As of this morning, the posts have been removed by moderators and I reached out to Amy asking her to talk to Joe about taking it down – no response.
Joe has blocked both Dean and me while continuing to warn others.
Our friendship has clearly ended but are we the jerks here?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
It was really stupid of them to keep that much funds in her purse when they both lost their jobs, and it was even stupider of them to get ‘pee the bed’ wasted with that much money in a purse.
Like, Homer Simpson-level stupid. Maybe someone at your party took the money, or maybe it fell out of her purse as she stumbled around wherever they were before they arrived.
Ultimately it was their responsibility to secure their possessions. Your apartment is not a safety deposit box or a bank account. As horrible as it must be for them, it is not your fault they made a series of poor decisions that cost them $500.
Also, if they continue accusing you of stealing it, I’d seriously consider sending them a warning about defamation. If you want to be super petty, though, you could post your own account about how wasted pee pants Amy was and speculate that she may have dropped it on the floor somewhere in a crazy stupor.” False-Guess
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Amy and Joe need to have better control of themselves and their drinking. None of this would have happened if neither one of them had been so wasted that they couldn’t control themselves. It sucks that their money is gone, but you don’t know who did it or if it was even in her purse when they arrived. They were drinking before they arrived. They may have dropped it off at the restaurant or on their way to your place.
There’s no way of knowing. Joe’s a complete jerk for slandering you all over the place. You might consider getting an attorney to send a cease and desist letter, and if he continues, take him to small claims court for slander.” wanderingwoman70
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, you tried to handle this maturely and even offered to return the bit of the funds they gave you.
You said Amy was already past her limit when y’all left for burgers, right? There’s a chance someone could’ve snagged the funds beforehand, or even at the restaurant when they were pregaming for the party.
Even if they were guests in your home, that doesn’t mean they should be asking you for coins, let alone asking you to ask other GUESTS for money.
If you found out who did take it, yeah, go at them, but right now nobody knows, and nobody else needs to pay them back.
It’s a really trashy situation, and I don’t think Amy’s the jerk either, just Joe.” OliverEnby
7. WIBTJ If I Refuse Making Up For The Missed Working Days?
“So I (22f) am an Au Pair, I look after a very sweet 6-year-old girl. I’ve been her Au Pair for nine months and honestly, it has been great.
So the issue starts here, I was told my last day last year would be December 17th and I’d return to work on January 10th.
On Saturday 11th December I got sick and the next day was contacted by one of the moms I’d seen a few days prior saying they had just tested positive for the c-word. She also messaged my bosses as she was the mother of one of the kids we’d had a play date with.
My bosses paid for me to have a test done at their work on Monday and the results came back that evening as negative. I wasn’t feeling too bad and was very happy to work for my last week. I was told to take Tuesday off as well so I could rest up before going back on Wednesday.
Tuesday night comes and they messaged me again to just take the rest of the week off and start my leave early, they said they were too scared to have me in. I did not ask for this nor did I want this – I told them I was completely fine with working the rest of the week but they insisted.
Come this Monday the 3rd of Jan, my boss messaged me saying my first day back would be Thursday and I’d get a test done on Wednesday to make sure I was negative before coming in. I was only supposed to return to work the following week so in my mind, she was saying I was going to be starting a few days late – Thursday instead of Monday.
I found it strange but they love their daughter and I figured they just wanted to spend more time with her.
This Wednesday comes and I woke up to a bunch of messages saying I need to be at my test and whatnot. I reply saying that I couldn’t and I set time aside next week Wednesday for the test as agreed. Apparently, that was not the plan, she had actually meant I was to start this week – ahead of schedule.
I was confused and asked why as I was still on leave. They said it was to ‘make up for the time missed in December’ but I really don’t think that’s fair. They decided not to let me go to work, they decided they were too scared. They did not say that my starting leave early would mean I’d end early – they just made it sound like I got lucky.
So I told them I was going away from Friday and couldn’t work the two days this week. She’s now messaging me saying I need to make up the two days from this week that I ‘missed’ but I don’t think it’s fair at all. They didn’t even ask if I was willing to come back early – they just demanded it.
So WIBTJ if I say no to the makeup days for the reasons mentioned above? Is this a battle worth fighting?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I hope this gives you a bit of a lesson about communication. You should never assume things; especially when it comes to scheduling. The way I read your post, I completely understood they meant that coming Wednesday.
So you should have asked or verified what they meant. Something to think about in the future.
That all being said, it is not appropriate for the family to just assume that you would automatically come in to work earlier than previously agreed upon. You are not, or should not, be at their beck and call.
If they made no agreement that you would take off and come back early, that is on them. If you do not feel they are treating you fairly, it might be time to find another family to work for. I think you should be polite and mature with your email. State to them that no agreement had been made for you to come back early and that you will take the full allotted time.
Also, if you plan to continue to work for this family, make sure any other schedule issues like this are in writing and worked out before time is taken.” Sweet_Charming82
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, you can’t assume they meant that Wednesday early. I would assume the same thing you did that it was later.
For all, they know you weren’t even in the country. If they wanted you to work earlier they should have asked politely. They could have sent a message saying since you started your leave early is there any possible way you could start a week earlier than planned? Just messaging op and saying you start this day test this day is ridiculous.” amaerau03
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, if that was their intention then they should have informed you of that from the start. If I were in your position I’d tell them I could only return early if they paid you back for your expenses from the trip you’d be missing (transportation and hotel at the least) due to them choosing to cut your leave short without prior notice.
I would also refuse to make up the days. When it’s time to renew your contract, if you stay on, then you need the terms of your leave and what happens in a case like this written out in detail.” 1976Raven
6. AITJ For Not Sending My Sister More Funds?
“I (31m) and my sister (36f) had a great relationship until recently. Our family house is located in a somewhat remote and hidden place with a tiny lake nearby.
My dad always had a dream of building a cozy resort for the people to escape from the busy city and just chill. The house is huge, it wasn’t finished back then so we only lived on the ground level (3-story house).
My sister moved out when she was 21, after finding a job as a nurse, and started living with her partner.
I moved out at 18 after my parents told me that they would fund my living in a capital city so I could go to college. After graduating, I found a job in a small tech firm and started supporting myself. I visited my parents and sent them funds whenever I could. My sister used to visit them as well, but apparently never gave them anything.
Our parents passed away in 2017 (dad had a stroke, and mom passed in her sleep 2 months after dad). Obviously, we were supposed to inherit the house. We were invited to court and found out that the parents were in huge debt ( unpaid bills) and that we would have to pay for it if he inherited the house.
Sister quickly bailed out and didn’t want any part in it and told them that I could have it all if I decided to accept the inheritance.
It honestly wasn’t a lot of funds, at least for me. I was earning way more than my sister and had a lot in savings since I didn’t have many expenses (shared a place with 4 other roommates, and my rent was under $200).
In 2018, after everything was settled and after being allowed to work from home, I moved back there to live and started renovating everything. After like 2 years of hard work, a lot of financial investments, and lots of help from friends, we got it all to perfection.
After failing to get the permits and start renting it out, I decided to sell it.
After a few months of talking to non-serious buyers, finally managed to find the right one in 2021. After all the investments and the paid-off debt, I still walked away with around 400k euros.
While this was all happening, I was seeing my sister and her family at least once a month, but after the health crisis stuff, not that much.
Finally got invited to come over for Christmas (2021). I brought the gifts for the kiddos and gave her 15k. She and her husband were super excited and grateful but didn’t ask where it came from.
A few days after Christmas, she found out that I sold the house, so she called me and started screaming at me, demanding 50% from the house sale.
I reminded her of what happened at the court and that I thought that she would be happy with what I gave her. She just started calling me names, before telling me that I am no longer her brother and that she doesn’t want to see me anymore. Tried calling her for the past few days but she is not answering.
I told my roommates this and they think that I’m a jerk and that I could’ve given her more.
So, AITJ for not giving my sister more money?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If you give her funds I will make it my life’s mission to find out who you are, fly to your location, and slap you in the face with a fish that has been rotting long enough that it kind of grossly falls apart when it hits you, but still has enough structural integrity to hurt.
Not only did she not help pay off the debt that allowed you to keep the house in the first place, but she also didn’t invest in the repairs or put in any of the work, and she thinks she should get half. You do realize that this means she thinks that the time and funds you put into it are worthless, right?
For her to deserve half it would have to mean she put in as many funds and effort as you, so since she put nothing in, that’s how much she values your contribution.
$15 grand is not only generous, considering her entitled attitude it’s too generous. She’s the jerk, and if you give her any more funds you will be doing the world a disservice by encouraging her to be an even bigger jerk because she will see it gets her what she wants.
And that will make you a jerk as well.” jverity
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, and your sister and roommates all suck. Just, all of them. It was sheer generosity that saw you giving her the 15k in the first place, and if she’s willing to cut you off over funds she has no right to, then I’d gladly let her go.
Your roomies are mad. Seriously? Yeah, you could have given her more. And you could have donated all the proceeds to the starving circus clowns of the world. And you could have piled all your money in a corner and set it on fire. But you didn’t do any of those things because none of those ideas makes any actual sense.
You didn’t inherit that property; you got the first crack, and you straight up bought it. From that point on it was yours and yours alone. The fact that your uninvolved sister saw a penny from it shows you’re a far more generous person than you ever had to be.” horns-of-maleficent
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
She said she didn’t want it so you moved and put all your own funds into fixing it up. Now she wants to get on board and is angry and acting like a child. She didn’t pay for the renovations and she wanted out. If she had wanted half, this whole time she could have been sharing the expenses with you.
I’d be mad. If you decide to give her more funds, half is not acceptable. You put all the work and funds into it when she bailed. I’d say sit down and figure an appropriate percentage based on what you’ve done to the home. At the same time though if you’re leaning towards not giving her any more funds, how much it sold for was none of her business anymore anyway.
She wants the money but did nothing to contribute to that sale. You owed her nothing anyway. She should be grateful.” Shakeit126
5. AITJ For Hurting My Pregnant Wife's Feelings?
“My wife is 24 weeks pregnant. I usually don’t eat sweets because I feel nauseous/overwhelmed by the taste after just a few spoonfuls.
Today, my wife said that she’d prepared some sweets as an offering for God and she gave me a cup of the kheer (a sweet dish and a type of wet pudding popular in the Indian subcontinent) after she was done with the puja (ceremonial worship, ranging from brief daily rites in the home to elaborate temple rituals).
I didn’t want to hurt her feelings so I forced myself to eat what she’d made and told her that it tasted good. It did taste good but because she’d given me a lot of sweets, the taste was still in my mouth and even water couldn’t get rid of it.
I was about to put my cup in the sink when she took the cup from my hands and started to pour more of the dessert into it.
I told her I couldn’t eat any more sweets because I was feeling nauseous but she forced me to eat them by saying that I have to eat them if I love her. I ended up vomiting everything I’d eaten.
She misunderstood thinking she’d prepared the dish wrong causing me to throw up. I tried explaining that it was really delicious but the taste was too overpoweringly sweet for me.
Now she’s not speaking to me.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here
Is it kheer or payasam (South Indian style rice pudding made using jaggery and ghee, the traditional way) of some sort? I fully understand… I love the smell and taste of it but I cannot do more than a few spoonfuls because even among Indian sweets these are quite sweet and overpowering (there is little nuance to the flavor beyond the sweetness).
She really shouldn’t have forced you, that was very silly of her and you should probably have put your foot down.. gently. It may be pregnancy hormones that are making her more emotional about it.
So you’re NTJ. At the same time, your wife – with her pregnancy hormones and palate may not have realized just how sweet the prasad was.
or she may be carried away by her emotions (feeding you as a sign of her love, especially sweets) So I don’t really want to label her a jerk, seems like something you guys need to sit down and talk about kindly and gently and resolve. Hopefully, after this episode, she will cut back on the sugar content and/or not try to emotionally manipulate you into it again… this may be something you can joke about in some years.” smarthagirl
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your wife overserved you on something that makes you nauseous (and I’m assuming she knew this ahead of time and even if not, you told her when she tried to serve you again) and insisted that you eat it to prove that you loved her, and then when, surprise surprise… you threw up because you told her you were nauseous, she thinks she’s a bad cook and is giving you the silent treatment.
I don’t know your wife’s personality that well, so I can’t say whether this is pregnancy hormones or whether this is just her being her usual everyday self. You know that better than I do. If this is her being her usual self, then the two of you need to have a very serious conversation and maybe get some marriage counseling.
If this is pregnancy hormones, then I might recommend, after things have calmed down, that you approach her and affirm that the dish was good and was prepared right, but that your stomach just can’t handle a lot of sweet foods.
It could be that she’s really craving sweet foods right now and doesn’t want to seem greedy or overindulging or whatever and feels like if you’re eating with her, then it’s all good.
But that doesn’t change what your stomach is capable of handling. And that’s not anyone’s fault.” lemonlimeaardvark
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here
She’s pregnant, and as I woman I usually hate the hormonal blame game, but this is that. A few days of period hormones are not the same as 9 months of pregnancy hormones.
You’ll get through this, you just might have to bite your tongue for a lot of it as long as she doesn’t get what you think might be abusive. Because a bad attitude can’t be excused by pregnancy, in my opinion.
You’re halfway through.” enjoyingtheposts
Another User Comments:
“You are not the jerk. Your wife is the jerk.
She did not respect your boundaries because she forced you to eat sweets when they make you feel ill (you simply not wanting to eat it should be enough of a reason). Even worse she guilt-tripped you into eating more by saying, ‘If you love me then you will eat more’. Any sentence that begins with ‘if you love me then you will do ____’ is very manipulative.
Also giving someone the silent treatment is manipulative too (there’s a difference between needing a break to cool down to become less angry and come back to talk things out versus flat-out ignoring someone and making the other person wonder when they can talk to you again).
You should talk to her and tell her there are other ways to show her that you love her without doing something that makes u feel uncomfortable.
Maybe talk about your different love languages. Emphasize that you are sensitive to anything too sweet & she shouldn’t take it personally. Her response will say a lot. If she is defensive then that’s a bad sign. If she’s apologetic then great!” mrsdfgh
4. AITJ For Getting Upset With My Lesbian Cousin?
“I (26 F) have a cousin (25F), let’s call her Pat.
Pat has 5kids who all have different dads except for the twins, all of the dads are bums that don’t support their kids.
Pat recently just found out she’s pregnant again with her latest partner of three months.
Pat has a transgendered sister (Jane) who had to flee our country when she transitioned because where we are from is still unfortunately a very homophobic place and it was no longer safe for her here. Jane managed to seek asylum in a different country and had now settled in and is making a life for herself.
Pat called me recently and told me that she’s a lesbian and wants to go seek asylum with Jane and asked me if I will be willing to take her kids, while she goes off to ‘flee from persecution’.
I have done the needful to make sure I’m a little bit responsible because I don’t want any children at this point in my life, I outright refused to take care of any of her children and I told her I don’t believe that she’s a lesbian and that I think she just wants to abandon her kids and run off to a new country.
I called her scum for wanting to take advantage of a system put in place for vulnerable people.
I’m worried about the kids but I absolutely can’t take them in, I don’t have the finances, space, or patience. The kids always looked clean and fed and I haven’t been worried about them until I realized their mother is willing to give them away to almost anybody, we aren’t even close and hadn’t spoken in years before she asked me to take them.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Her lesbianism (whether true, or just an accepted justification to claim asylum) is irrelevant here – from what you have said it seems clear that you have no problems with that element.
The problem is that she is trying to leave her children behind while making a clean break in a new country, which is completely unacceptable.
You are completely justified in not wanting to have your own life turned completely upside down and be left caring for five children. That is not a small request but a completely life-altering one and should not be taken lightly.
It also does seem odd that she is willing to leave them like this – most countries will have provisions for the children of asylum seekers, and will be able to deal with the whole family as appropriate rather than splitting them up.” nrsys
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here. Her for not trying to bring the kids along, you for blindly assuming that she is lying, and several commenters for saying you should report Pat and endanger her well-being. If Pat’s asylum request gets rejected on basis of your report, she then risks prosecution in your country as a result.” Michael_Chandra
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – it sounds like you’re right about her just wanting to run away and I’m right there with you about being disgusted with her gaming the system. I’m luckily living in a country where being a lesbian isn’t an instant death sentence even though there’s still bigotry. I honestly doubt she’s actually gay if she has 5 kids and is currently pregnant again.
Her earlier actions have shown she doesn’t want to take responsibility for her actions (5 kids with deadbeat fathers don’t just magically happen) and she saw how someone else was able to use gender as an escape card.” sisterZippy
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here.
You don’t need to take in her kids, but you also don’t need to insult/not believe in her gender preferences.
Just because she has kids does not mean she’s not a lesbian, and you’re kinda the jerk for not believing that.
She’s the jerk for, obviously, trying to abandon her kids.” RecommendsMalazan
And some people here are criticizing YOU for being the jerk? Seriously?
No, NTJ. But some expressing that opinion about you should look in the mirror if they want to see a jerk.
3. AITJ For Leaving My In-Laws' House With My Baby?
“MIL has two children (15 and 18, and I’m going to count the older one as a kid because she is still in high school) and they are out of control. MIL thinks everything is funny, literally everything, and MIL’s husband is an idiot who is all like screw the rules, so I see why the kids act this way.
My husband thinks it is ‘a little funny’ and just a ‘different family dynamic’. He says he was raised the same way and turned fine, and pointed out that they both do well in school, don’t get in serious trouble, etc. It is something we fight about a lot because I don’t want my son exposed to it.
I know he is too little now to pick up on it, but I want to set a precedent because I will not raise a kid who acts like this.
SILs decided that they wanted to go to Universal Studios for four days. Their dad said he couldn’t take that Thursday they picked off because he is meeting with a client.
The 18-year-old said “maybe you should have thought about that before you e********d in my mom. I was grossed out and gave my husband a warning look.
A few minutes later the 15-year-old came out with a plate of whipped cream and said since she wasn’t getting what she wanted ‘Sophie’s choice’ and asked her dad if he wanted her to throw it at him or MIL.
He picked MIL so she threw it at him, and no one did anything. I stood up, picked up my son, and went to get his bag. My husband asked where I was going, but I ignored him because we had talked about this boundary before, and I left.
Literally no consequences, and by the time I came down from getting the bag, the 15-year-old was laying with her head in MIL’s lap being petted. my husband said I really embarrassed him.”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ
Nothing you’ve described seems outrageous, your husband is right – it’s just a different family dynamic and they’re all clearly turning out just fine. The world isn’t obligated to bend over backward to help you indoctrinate your kid with your values. That saying about how ‘it takes a village’? That’s just a saying.
Us villagers have other things to do in the village. Your kid is going to be exposed to all sorts of people from all walks of life in the world.
I honestly think it’s a little presumptuous of you to try to dictate parenting to a couple who has raised three children who are, by all accounts, perfectly functioning members of society (you say they aren’t in trouble with the law, on illegal substances, are able to adjust their behavior appropriately for other social situations vs.
in their own home at their own dinner table, do well in school, etc) and raised one of whom you deemed good enough to marry and produce a child with.
You set the rules for your own dinner table with your own kid. Your kid will understand that like the rest of us did, calm down.
My dad used to think it was hilarious to rip farts at the dinner table and we’d all cackle hysterically, we all somehow – including my dad – knew that that isn’t how one behaves in school, a restaurant, a wedding, a work meeting, etc.” Exciting-Head-6644
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. I get that you don’t want your son to have bad influences, but keeping him away from his family isn’t really practical. You can disagree with how they choose to raise their kids, but this will only cause a divide in your relationship that leads to divorce.
With shared custody, you couldn’t stop him from taking your son to his family.
And honestly, blocking out all bad influences isn’t practical. What are you going to do when he goes to school and meets other kids who have parents whose style conflicts with yours? Pull him out and homeschool him and keep him away from all but vetted children whose parents you met and agree with?
And talking to your husband about it is ridiculous. Like… if it were a matter of defending you to his family, then I’d get it, but you want him to change his parents parenting style and their in-home dynamics with their kids. That’s a Sisyphusian task that’s really out of his control. It’s not a very practical ask.” urbanworldbuilder
Another User Comments:
“YTJ because you’re not clearly articulating what negative effects you think your in-laws’ behavior is having on your child. What, specifically, did you think your baby was absorbing from this situation that required immediate removal? What you described here sounds like some older teenagers who have a close but perhaps unconventional relationship with their parents.
Clearly, the whipped cream thing was fine with everyone except you, but you weren’t involved, so it doesn’t really matter if you liked it or not. And the crude language might not be the way you want your kid to speak to you, but again, an 18-year-old is an adult and if both of the people in the interaction are fine with that kind of language then I don’t really see the issue.
I think you’re overreacting a little bit. Your baby is a baby. I don’t think your kid is going to start throwing whipped cream at you every day because he saw an older teenager do it once. By the time he is really old enough to start understanding and internalizing these types of different interactions between people, one or both of those kids will be out of the house and in college anyway.
Your husband’s family might be looser with profanity and pranks, but remember that your child will still grow up with one unbelievably uptight parent. I don’t think you need to worry about your kid growing up wild based on these limited interactions with his father’s family because you clearly will not tolerate any behavior you find unacceptable.” User
2. AITJ For Telling My Mom She Is Neglectful?
“I (15f) am starting to really resent my mom.
My house is GROSS. We used to have people clean our house twice a week, but we stopped because of the global crisis. There’s not like dirt and grime but it feels like I’m in a dumping ground. There are boxes – her random crap – everywhere. We have a whole room that is the equivalent of a junk drawer.
There are walls she half painted then gave up, the floors are scuffed from her doing arts and crafts. She has so many clothes that she tossed the things in my closet so she could put her stuff up when she has a walk-in closet. She just doesn’t care about the space we live in.
One of our bathrooms has been broken for TWO YEARS, and it’s gross in there. Like there are dried brown water stains which I don’t want to think about what they are, and there is something white inside the toilet (the toilet is not white).
She’ll do the dishes or laundry sometimes, and I’m not saying that should be her constant priority because she’s a mother, but she is unemployed. If my dad doesn’t cook dinner, I have to order food or I don’t eat (my mom doesn’t like keeping snacks in the house because she doesn’t want me to gain weight).
She’s always on the phone when I just want to talk to her about my day. She never makes time for me, and if she does, it’s always on her terms and we can only talk about the things she wants to talk about.
I asked to see a therapist over a year ago and have reminded her constantly since but she always has some excuse as to why she hasn’t.
I want to go because I am positive I am on the autism spectrum or something similar.
Recently all we have done is fight. It got really bad today. I saw something I was excited about and I didn’t even think about it, I just started humming and rocking because that’s what I do when I get really excited. Idk.
She asked why I was doing that and I told her she knows why and that she was not making an appointment because she just doesn’t want to accept it. She called me a really hurtful thing and I just snapped.
I told her I don’t care that she buys me things because she totally neglects me.
She got SO offended that I would say that. Saying things like people would die to be her daughter, that I’m ungrateful because she and dad buy me whatever I want, that I’m gonna go to college debt free, and I still ask for more. I said I don’t really care about expensive stuff, I just wish I had a mom because I don’t have one.
The more I think about it the more ridiculous I feel. I mean there are people really without moms. Other than the bathroom situation I’m capable of cleaning up and doing the dishes and the laundry, I’m old enough to take of myself without a parent watching over me. And I just feel stupid to say I’m neglected when I’m sitting in a three-story house with a perfect nuclear family.
AITJ? Like, am I just super spoiled? Surprise surprise, I am terrible at reading social cues so I’m really sorry if I just sound like a brat.”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. While it is your mom and dad’s responsibility to take care of these things, it honestly sounds like your mom has some sort of disorder and needs help.
Which is hard to get when you are willing, and impossible if you are not willing. (Is your dad normal functioning?)
It is also understandable to feel resentful and neglected, you are being emotionally and hygienically neglected. Even if it isn’t truly intentional, it is happening.
You are also correct in saying you can take care of yourself, as in you should clean the messes you make and take care of the responsibilities that go with your existing like your personal space, stuff, and hygiene.
Any of that that you can have control of, you should. Unfortunately, you are in a situation that requires you to step up for yourself and that happens sometimes. Just keep that responsibility to yourself, as in only take care of yourself, and prepare for when 18 hits, as it stands this is just a crap situation and there is no real blame, just survival.” NotSoBunny
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Once you’re not old enough to completely take care of yourself and you shouldn’t have to. You’re still a teenager figuring things out. Sure you may not have the hardest life but it sounds like your relationship is emotionally lacking which can be hard. Just because other people have it worse doesn’t mean you’re not allowed to struggle.
Now Was that the best thing you could have said of course not but everyone has yelled something they regret at their mom. Being a teenager is rough. Maybe you’re mom also has a hard time with words and tries to make up for it by buying you things. If you have a hard time saying things to her try writing them out beforehand.
Spend some time getting your feelings on paper so you have already found the words to describe your feelings.” themeganlodon
Another User Comments:
“You’re 15. Do your arms work? Clean that bathroom you hate so much. Believe me, other people’s houses are also in chaos. Especially during this crisis. We have been at home a lot more so our homes are more ‘lived in’ if you want to call it.
Seeing a therapist would be great, and there are resources available in most high schools. Tap into that. Your rocking and humming? From your mom’s reaction (as you describe it), sounds like that’s new behavior on your part.
My mom always said: ‘when you start wanting to tell your parents what to do, it’s time to move out’.
I DO NOT RECOMMEND YOU MOVE OUT AT 15! This being said, rolling up your sleeves and taking on some of the clean-up duties, finding your own way using resources available to get the help you need, etc, will prepare you for life on your own.
NTJ, but that’s because you are young, and your brain is still developing… but you are on your way to becoming a narcissist. The thing about parents everywhere: they’re not perfect and do the best they can.
Hang in there.” BibiQuick
1. AITJ For Causing A Scene At A Pharmacy?
“So, I’ve been trying to get an important medication switched from one pharmacy (A) to the other (B). If I don’t take my medication, I get very ill and can’t get out of bed. I called Pharmacy A on Monday to have them transfer my prescription over.
They tell me that Pharmacy B has to call them. Ok, no problem, I call pharmacy B and let them know to call the other.
Tuesday was spent going back and forth on the phone with A & B trying to get them to do what they can. I understand they are especially busy due to the global crisis and I am trying to stay patient.
I haven’t taken my medication and I’m not feeling good. I called Pharmacy B back 6 hours later (3 hours before closing) and ask if they ever got in touch with Pharmacy A. No, and the pharmacist says they have called them 12 times and got no answer.
I call Pharmacy A again and they say they will do nothing.
Pharmacy B has to make the transfer request. At this point, I’m frustrated but I gave up for the night.
Now it’s Wednesday, still, no prescription, and I feel like garbage. So two days without my medication. I call Pharmacy B and they said they have now called 15 times and no response. I had enough.
Grabbed my keys and headed to pharmacy A. I get there and the parking lot is empty, no cars in the drive-through, and no one in the store but me. There are 6 pharmacists behind the counter. All chatting about personal things. Normally I don’t care, I don’t know your job do whatever you want. I ask if they can make a transfer for me, as I have been without my meds for 2 days.
He blankly stares at me and says the other pharmacy needs to call. I tell them they have been, for two days now. The guy pretty much tells me tough luck.
This is where I kinda lost it. I raised my voice at him and said this is ridiculous, I am not leaving until this gets done.
A woman from the back tells me I don’t need to get an attitude. I tell her that maybe she should answer the phone and I don’t appreciate her input. I then proceed to call Pharmacy B while I’m standing at Pharmacy A. The lady on the phone is literally calling them now as I stand there.
The phone was ringing and no one goes to answer it! The guy is standing right in front of me as I am on the phone and after about two minutes they finally decide to answer the phone. I still wait at this pharmacy until I confirm that Pharmacy B is processing my request.
I feel so terrible for how I acted. It feels out of character for me, to raise my voice and be a jerk.
My partner says that I’m in the right, but I’m not sure… so, AITJ?
Update: I GOT MY MEDS!
Edit: I submitted a formal complaint to the pharmacy board and am sending a letter to the pharmacy company. I could have carried myself better but sometimes you do what you have to do!”
Another User Comments:
“When your job is to provide people with their prescribed medication, you absolutely cannot under ANY circumstances procrastinate on handling transfers or scripts.
People don’t get prescribed medications for fun, we get them because we NEED them, and missing even one day can be legitimately dangerous for some people, which is something those pharmacy employees SHOULD KNOW.
If you feel selfish for causing a scene, may I remind you that you are not the only person who they were supposed to provide medication for, and if they were this dismissive of you, they’ll be dismissive of others too? You were still, despite missing your medication for a few days, able to push through the pain to get there in person to berate them and force them to do their job, but there are people who wouldn’t have been able to make that trip to the pharmacy and would simply have had to suffer at home because of their laziness.
You did the right thing.
NTJ.” kirarise
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and this is coming from a pharmacy intern.
If they were all standing there not working then that’s ridiculous that they weren’t answering the phones. They might have been techs (meaning they are not allowed to transfer the script themselves), but they should’ve at least answered the phone and put them on hold for the pharmacist. However, people falsely assume pharmacies aren’t busy even if no customers are there.
Right now most retail pharmacies I know of are days behind in scripts constantly. Of course, this is a little different if the people aren’t actually working though.
Next time I suggest insisting that your doctor just send over a new script. The doctor can usually cancel any script they had already sent. Also, keep in mind, in most states (I believe) you cannot transfer any controlled meds (if you are ever on any since you didn’t specify what the med was).” OpportunitySmooth
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here actually, but YTJ also for how you handled this situation. You didn’t mention which type of medication or the name of the medication either, which is actually relevant in this situation. Reason being, pain medication/narcotics versus b***d pressure medication, for example.
Anyway, first, you shouldn’t have waited until you were ENTIRELY OUT of whatever medication that was before trying to make the transfer to a new pharmacy at the very last minute.
You put yourself into that situation being without your medication, not the pharmacy.
For your information, so you’re aware for the future, you are allowed to refill medications when you have 7 days left of that medication, and also, you can transfer your prescriptions over to a new pharmacy at any time.
For future reference, it’s easiest to transfer your scripts by calling your doctor’s office directly and asking them to call new prescriptions to the new pharmacy you want to use.
If the doctor’s office is extra kind, they will cancel the balance of scripts at the old pharmacy so you don’t try to pick up meds at 2 different pharmacies.
I don’t have a problem with you calling pharmacy B while in pharmacy A in an attempt to get this straightened out, but you didn’t need to snap off at them the way you did.
I say that because, as I said earlier, you put yourself into this ‘urgent need’ situation, they didn’t. You could’ve just called your doctor’s office and let them handle it. Please do that in the future and don’t get yourself into this predicament again. You need your medication & it’s your responsibility to make sure you have it to take it.
Hopefully, this doesn’t happen to you again because now you’ve been informed more properly.” OffMyRocker2016
