People Want To Fly Away From Their Problems In These 'Am I The Jerk?' Stories
20. AITJ For Refusing To Attend My Dad's Stepson's Birthday And Not Considering Him As My Sibling?
“I (17M) live with my mom. My dad lives in another state and until last year I flew out and spent 6 weeks with him every summer. But last year I told Dad I was only going to visit for a week’s vacation and come back home again.
He was upset but he said he was fine with it, but he wanted me to spend some time with his partner and her son. When I got to Dad’s house, his partner’s son was in the hospital so I didn’t meet them. Dad was upset and wanted me to stay but I wanted to get back home and get back to work.
I went to visit for one weekend again this year. This year he married his partner… who’s now his wife I guess. So he asked me to change the date I was planning to come. I visited the second week of June. But his stepson’s birthday is in July and he wanted me to be here.
I already had plans made for July and told Dad. Then his mother-in-law died the day before I was due to fly out so Dad had the choice of me canceling so he could be with his wife and her son or whether he would stay behind and I’d fly out.
He decided to stay so he could see me. He was disappointed I still didn’t meet his wife or her son, but especially her son, who turned 8 in July.
My dad brought up his stepson’s birthday to me after I flew back. I asked him why he kept talking about it and he said he’d love to fly me out for the day, so I could come to the party, meet his family, and get to know my sibling.
I told my dad his stepson wasn’t my sibling. We’re still strangers. And we’ll never be close. I told him I was not going to move closer to them when I finished school. I told him I was not going to invite them all to stay with me.
We’ll see each other occasionally but they won’t be a big part of my life. I reminded him he chose to move and not be a big part of my life. Dad said he had his reasons and that I should embrace the chance to have a sibling.
I said no thanks.
He bought a plane ticket for me for the day of the birthday party. Sent it two days before. He told me to please come. I told him I wasn’t coming. He even showed up at the airport with his stepson to wait for me.
His wife joined them. I didn’t come.
Ever since Dad has been upset when we talk on the phone. He told me he couldn’t understand me not making the effort. He said it would have meant the world to them. He also told me I had no real reason not to come, other than I don’t want to make an effort for us to be a family and it makes him sad.
He also said his stepson and wife had been so excited to meet me.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“He dragged his wife and 8yo stepson to the airport!?!? What’s wrong with him?!? He’s making you out to be the bad guy and dragging his family into his lies.
Ugh. I’d reach out to his wife and apologize for your father misleading them. Tell her you had longstanding plans, you told your father this repeatedly, and he knew you didn’t get on the plane. Tell her you have no issues with her or your stepbrother, but your father is a manipulator and she shouldn’t fall for his lies.” ConnectionRound3141
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You’re 17 and Dad expects you to take time out of your life to meet his other family. If it’s so important to him why doesn’t he fly them all to meet you? Because it will inconvenience everyone else you’re expected to make the concessions for him.
Dad needs to grow up and recognize he has a son who is a near adult and can make his own decisions. He can’t make up for being gone-dad by foisting other people onto you. I expect he thinks he can foster a bond if you have a relationship with his stepson.
Instead, he’s putting a giant wedge in it. Dumb dad” readout
19. AITJ For Being Upset About My Parents' Actions On My Birthday?
“A few days ago, it was my birthday and I’m currently in another country.
My parents made it clear to me that the budget was tight as we were going to another country and I should consider this, my gift.
Here is the problem.
First of all, we got a pack of cheap balloons, and I blew them all up myself because my mum and dad were both tired. I said okay.
Then, as a prank, my dad decides to pop all of the 30 balloons I’ve just blown up to ‘lighten up the mood’.
Understandably, I was a bit mad but then we went out to buy the cake. My aunt is with us and she says the chocolate cake is delicious.
My parents know I despise chocolate and it genuinely makes me sick sometimes, but they said that I should stop being so self-centred and just not have a slice of cake if it was an issue. I was fed up at this point, but I just brushed it off.
I was firm and said I wanted the strawberry, and as I left to go, they took the chocolate anyway and said I’ve got a bad taste.
My mom gave me 20 euros as a birthday gift and I was grateful for it. Then, we went to an uncle’s house and as we left, my mum and dad got into an argument, my dad saying they didn’t bring anything for my uncle and came empty-handed. My mum came up to me and asked for the 20 euros back to give to the uncle and I was really tired at that point from the long ride to get there and I said no. Guess what, she takes it from me under the threat of being grounded.
So I’ve started to consider this the worst birthday, but I’m starting to think maybe I’m just being a bit of a jerk since I’m in another country anyway but I felt hurt when we got home. I’m thinking maybe stuff will get better now, and as we do the gifts, my mum says she bought gifts for my cousins instead and she had already given me a gift in the money from earlier.
I told her that enough was enough and that the whole birthday had never been about me and was just an excuse for the adults to give gifts and eat lavishly. She told me I was being ungrateful. A few things I’ll mention below.
. They went to this really expensive posh store for the cake, but I wanted to go to a much cheaper place. All the adults loved this place and bought a ton of pastries, none of which they allowed me to have.
. My mom considered the money a gift, as I could have spent it before we got to the uncle’s house.
. When we cut the cake, I got the smallest slice, and my dad said (in front of everyone), I was gaining so much weight, they were doing me a favor by giving me a small slice.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Oh honey, no. Your parents are being real jerks.
Your dad body shaming you like that is NOT OKAY. Your mom asking for the present back that she just gave you is so incredibly callous. And getting a flavor that you *hate* for YOUR birthday cake? It sounds like they didn’t do a single thing for you or put any thought into your wants or feelings at all.
And it’s your _birthday_! The one day of the year that they should be putting in *special* effort to think of you _extra_! You say that they’re “not normally like this”, but the fact that you’re even wondering if you might have been the jerk here is a bad sign.
How often do they ignore you, or take things away from you, or insult you, that you’re *not sure* whether this treatment was acceptable?” YardageSardage
Another User Comments:
“So many posts on this forum where the parents buy cakes for the birthday child that the birthday child does not like/want.
There must be some cultural element that I don’t know of because no one I know would do that, ever. NTJ Your parents are cheap, stingy, and cruel. You won the lottery for “Jerk Parents”. Make your plans to get away from these people as soon as you are able.
Just think how nice your birthdays will be without them.” hadMcDofordinner
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – it costs nothing to be nice and considerate. They were already buying a cake and choosing the flavor they least liked. They took back the small monetary gift they gave you for your uncle, who I am assuming is a grown man.
Trip or no trip, they consistently made it about someone else. Then your father popped your balloons? That’s just cruel. You’re very right to be upset.” Yungeel
18. AITJ For Pointing Out My Best Friend's Partner's Suspicious Behavior?
“My best friend and I have been close since we were five years old. Now, at 21 and 20, respectively, I’ve always admired her capacity for love and commitment. She’s known for being a “lover girl,” which is a wonderful trait. However, recently, I’ve noticed that her enthusiasm for love seems to be becoming excessive.
She tends to pursue any romantic opportunity, believing she can change any man, even when it’s clear that some relationships are just not meant to be.
A few months ago, she started seeing a new guy, and although I was initially happy for her, I began to notice some red flags.
During a group outing, I observed him checking out other girls and chatting up the waitress when my friend was in the bathroom. When I mentioned this to her, she dismissed it as him just being friendly, though his behavior struck me as a bit too friendly.
Later, I saw a notification on his phone while she was away, which was concerning given their serious status at the time. She brushed it off, suggesting it might be an old notification.
Two weeks later, when they became official, I noticed more suspicious behavior.
While we were at a carnival, he kept checking his phone and logged out of a Snapchat account filled with unopened snaps, only to log into a bank account. Despite my concerns, she defended him, saying he doesn’t use Snapchat and that I might be mistaken.
My worries grew when we went to a restaurant together. While my friend was in the bathroom, I saw him discreetly hand a piece of paper to the waitress. When she returned, he claimed it was nothing and that she was imagining things. Despite his explanations, I felt uneasy.
When I shared these observations with her, she accused me of trying to break them up and claimed I was just jealous or biased. I reassured her that if he were genuinely a good guy, I would want nothing but the best for them both.
My friend became very upset, and after our argument, she left and did not respond to my messages. I feel frustrated and hurt by her reaction. Am I in the wrong here?”
Another User Comments:
“ESH Your friend is delusional. You are noticing what appear to be red flags.
But because you are so determined to point out to her, she is trying to prove you wrong and, well, driving her further away. You said your piece, now shut it and be prepared to be there for her, and goodness sake don’t be all “I told you so” when she breaks it off.” joosdeproon
Another User Comments:
“NTJ you’re a concerned friend and it’s not like you lied. But as someone in her late 20s, I’ll tell you sometimes you gotta let your friends be delulu and then look at them like “I told you so” and console them when it inevitably breaks their heart.
If it looks like someone will defend someone’s behavior to the end of the earth, no one can change their mind but themselves. Not even the person admitting they’re terrible will repel someone delusional.” aprilnaomii
Another User Comments:
“YTJ.. you told her once, twice, and three times …now let her live and learn” TimeRecognition7932
17. AITJ For Using My Dad's Credit Card After He Gave Me Permission?
“I’m (F24) an immigrant in this current country for 15 years, and I’m going to another country to pursue a master’s.
My parents are class A narcissists, but I feel they truly respect their duty as parents so sometimes their humanity shows. Since I can remember, I have never had one peaceful outing with the few friends I have. Every time I return home, the day will be ruined because they would scold me.
Over time, I lost many friends, but I still have a few who understand my plight. I barely met them the last 2 years, maybe once or twice per year. One month before I left, my dad kept insisting I meet my friends. I knew he just wanted to have a spot-free conscience, and though I wanted to play it safe and not go, I caved and met my friends because I wouldn’t be seeing them anymore (at least until I started to work and travel).
My dad covers all my expenditures, and I know it sounds unlikely and I might sound spoiled, but it’s mainly because of them. They didn’t let me work when I was able to, forced me to study a degree that’s baseless, and as a foreigner in the most competitive country in the world with mediocre grades, I can’t find a job.
I usually do my best and do not spend more than USD 380 per month. He’s also very controlling, to the point where he controls but wants me to accept that he’s not controlling. For he kept giving me money to spend this month, and when I didn’t go out, he’d almost yell at me going “Oh so you’re trying to get back at me right, you want me to be hurt so you’re not going out”, so I’m essentially coerced into going out.
I’d be lying if I said I didn’t enjoy it, but at the end of the day, it doesn’t matter because it’ll come back to bite me in the back.
And that’s what happened. He gave me roughly 3k to buy necessities and his credit card for travel within this country, and I spent about 600 in the last 20 days.
He came to me today and said how he never let me use the card and I’m lying. After I showed him evidence of him allowing me, he then went how he only meant it for one day. And he won’t let it go, he keeps scolding me on how I could use his card without his permission when he did permit me.
I’m sick and tired of this. I already have plans to return to them whatever they ever spent on me since I was born. I understand 600 is steep, but he did allow me and he gets notifications every day too, so I’m confused and anxious.
AITJ here?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. But your parents 100%. I know a thing about narcissistic parents and the worst thing about it is there is nothing you can do about it. Cause if you confront them they will always find a way how it’s not their fault.
All you can do is find that distance and know what they are, accept it, and never give them your hand again, or start a discussion or argument because you will be the only loser and left hurt. Just “be the bigger person” and know that they are “sick”.
Just try to survive around them. When you leave, heal and either do what I said earlier and find that distance or break contact altogether. Pay them back in the future if you want to for your sake just knowing you did it but don’t expect it will do anything for your guys relationship or fix anything in the long run.” Chrmicham21
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here. Everyone has had a first job. I suggest you keep trying so you can stop taking your parents’ money.” ParsimoniousSalad
16. AITJ For Asking My Partner To Spend Less Time Gaming And More Time With Me?
“I’ve been with my partner for three years, and we’ve lived together for one.
We used to spend a lot of time together before moving in, but after moving in, the planning stopped. For the past 5-6 months, I’ve been asking him to make plans, but it’s been an ongoing struggle. Despite having multiple conversations, the effort fades after a week.
Now, I almost have to beg him to spend time with me. He plays video games nonstop, seven days a week, and doesn’t do anything else. Even if he plays all week, he complains if there’s one day he doesn’t get to play.
I used to ask him to do things with me, but the constant rejection led me to give up. Even when we try to hang out at home, he suddenly disappears, only for me to find him on his computer. When I confronted him about it, he’d say things like, “Oh, I just had to finish up one thing,” or claim he didn’t know I wanted him to stay the whole time.
This all came to a head yesterday when I broke down. I asked him to sit down, and I told him, “I love you, but we barely spend any time together, and I’m starting to feel concerned that you spend too much time on your computer.
It feels like I’m competing with the games. Even when we go out, it feels like we’re rushing home so you can play. I think it would be nice for you to set aside 2 to 3 days with no computer so we can spend time together without distractions.”
He just said, “OK,” but I could tell he wasn’t listening. When I asked if he understood what I was asking, he replied, “Yes, you want me to spend more time with you.” I clarified, saying, “Yes, but the main point is that I think there should be days where you aren’t on the computer so I can have your undivided attention.”
At this point, he started yelling, “No! Stop trying to freaking control me!” He accused me of adding demands and trying to take away the one thing he enjoys, saying he needs it every day to de-stress. When I asked why he couldn’t do this for me, he said it was unreasonable.
He also claimed that we’ve been spending more time together, but when I pointed out that it’s still not enough, he said, “It isn’t gonna happen all at once,” which hurt because it felt like he doesn’t prioritize our relationship.
I told him, “Please stop yelling at me.
I can’t talk to you or listen to what you’re saying when you yell at me,” and he responded, “I’m gonna yell if I freaking want to, and you are going to listen to me!” I told him through tears that when he treats me like this, it doesn’t feel like he loves me.
His response was a nonchalant, “Well, you figure it out.”
Finally, I said I was leaving. He went back to his room, slammed the door, and hit something, calling me a jerk multiple times. Now, I’m second-guessing myself, wondering if it’s too much to ask him to go two or three days without playing on his computer and if I’m being too harsh.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Computer & video games aside, it sounds like he has removed himself from the relationship. Not uncommon once you move in together and that independence is lost, which it seems like he’s having a reaction to with his thoughts that you’re controlling him.
Sorry to say that this relationship is likely not going to work. Follow your gut, you are NTJ.” float above it
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but his reaction is concerning. Sounds like he might have a video game addiction. Giving attention to your partner shouldn’t have to be a request, it should be second nature in a relationship.
To me, it sounds as if he is prioritizing his games over you, and the blow-up after is not a good sign. You shouldn’t have to second guess yourself because you deserve better and have a partner who treats you with respect. I hope you reevaluate this relationship.” Vespirawr
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, unfortunately, his reaction proves that his gaming is an addiction, a way to escape reality and you are not at all important to him at the moment. There is nothing wrong with gaming but this is excessive. It’s never okay to hit things and call you names, please stop making excuses for his behavior and think if this is the life you want.” Kukka63
15. AITJ For Lashing Out At My Unemployed Partner Over A Social Media Post?
“I (23f) have been with my partner (25m) for 5 years. We met soon after I turned 18 and we immediately connected and got very close very quickly.
The past year or so has been rough. He’d quit at least 3 different jobs, leaving me to pay the bills.
Because of his lack of income, we had to move out of our shared apartment and back in with this dad. We’ve been living with his dad for over a year at this point.
I’ve been feeling resentful because of how hard I work to maintain my work-life balance, and seeing him do nothing all the time while I bust my behind day in and day out to try to better myself makes me question what I’m doing.
The other day I made a post for his birthday. It was a sweet post with old pictures and I genuinely had good intentions. He just “liked” it, with no comment or anything. I mentioned that he didn’t comment to him and he just commented a heart emoji.
It felt kind of bad that I tried to make a thoughtful post and he didn’t even seem to care. He said he thinks social media “declarations of love” are “cringe” but I could post it “if I wanted to.” I mentioned his comment was kind of weak and he said “ok, I’ll just delete it then.” He said if I didn’t appreciate the response he gave he wouldn’t comment at all.
I got irritated but he moved past it.
Today I had a long day and I came home late to find he hadn’t done some things he said he would do. This aggravated me and I was in a bad mood, just generally because of everything that had happened over the past few days.
He asked me if everything was ok and I didn’t want to get into it because I didn’t want to argue, and I also didn’t know exactly WHY I was annoyed, I just knew I was.
So I thought about it and asked him if he wanted to know why I was irritated. I brought up the post I made and his comment and the fact he said he would delete it if I didn’t “appreciate it”.
He got mad and told me I was self-serving and I needed to grow up. This made me snap and I said, “I need to grow up? I’ve had to pay your bills for the last 3 times you were unemployed. How about you get a job and move out of your dad’s house, you jerk.” He told me I would regret saying that, and I said I didn’t care.
Now he refuses to talk to me and told me to leave. I get what I said was probably out of order, however, I’ve genuinely put up with so much in the past year it just feels like a slap in the face to tell ME to grow up when I feel like I’m the only one holding everything down, and he can’t even try to understand why I feel the way I do.
So…. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Everyone’s the jerk. He insulted you, you insulted him. Not everyone engages with social media in the same way, so if he doesn’t normally gush over posts, your reaction is over the top. Telling you to “grow up” was, objectively, just not the right move though.
As for your low opinion of what he does with his time, that’s a whole other can of worms that merits re-evaluation of the relationship. You don’t like where the future might be headed with this guy, and that’s a way bigger issue than his reluctance to make big sappy PDAs on social media.” graywisteria
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. How long are you gonna deny you’re ready to leave this immature slacker? Just do it already. You deserve better and I’d bet you won’t have any trouble finding someone who respects you and appreciates you. This guy cares about only himself.” Key-Article6622
Another User Comments:
“YTJ for being upset over a social media post. You did that for you and likes. Your partner was physically right there and you could have just expressed your emotions to him in person. I don’t understand the need for people who live together to communicate via social media.
That said. He’s the jerk for everything else. He saw a very young, just 18-year-old to mold and be who he wants you to be and you are ignoring this as the biggest red flag. He hasn’t done anything to contribute and you actually had to pack up and live with his family and he continues to do nothing and yet you’re here dwelling on a social media post. Dump him.
Please. And in the future, don’t post stuff to your significant other and expect a reply. Just say that stuff in person. Means a billion times more in person.” bigfatkitty2006
14. AITJ For Not Wanting Certain Wedding Guests To Stay At My Apartment?
“I (27M) am going to attend the wedding of my mother and soon-to-be stepfather. The wedding will be next year (Spring 2025) and everything is being planned out by them.
Some things have been discussed between close family members and maid of honor, best man, etc.
While I will most likely not have a big role in the wedding (might walk my mom down the aisle and be the driver as I will be one of the only sober ones there), one thing that I can help with is my apartment.
My apartment is good/big enough to host some guests who will be coming for the wedding from further away. This is mainly so we don’t have to search out a lot of hotels or Airbnb.
Here comes the issue though, where I am not sure if I would be the jerk:
The first idea for a guest to stay over was to have my sister (Sarah, fake name) and her 2 kids be over at my apartment for that weekend, which would have been fine. While I am not the biggest kids person, I think it would be manageable for a weekend and they are my niece and nephew anyway.
But my sister Sarah and my mother had a fallout a while back (again) and haven’t communicated much since. Sarah is still invited but never responded to the invitation card, so the general assumption is she and the kids will not attend. Sadly the only interaction they had was about the funeral of our grandmother, who died 3 months ago.
Sarah wanted to attend but “suddenly her son was sick and she couldn’t find anyone to take care of him to be able to attend” (he is 7 years old). I thought it was an excuse not to see my mother.
At the funeral, we met my mom’s cousins, who are as well my former godmothers.
They too are invited to the wedding While they connected after not seeing each other in a while the discussion came later up that if Sarah wouldn’t be attending the wedding maybe instead of her, my former godmothers could stay at my place.
I don’t feel quite comfortable with them staying over at my place.
I don’t know them anymore, as the last time I saw them before the funeral was over 13 years ago as my family drifted apart. At the same time, I don’t like sharing my own space with other people. The only people I ever invited to my place were my ex, my sister, and my two best friends.
It’s partially as well because I am not the cleanest/most orderly person and my mom expects me to have the “best-looking apartment” for that occasion. Even though they would just be staying there most likely to sleep.
Would I be the jerk to say no to specific guests staying at my apartment for the wedding?
After all, I would like them to have less stress and they did so much for me in the past, but don’t want “strangers” sleeping over at my place (which shouldn’t be too hard?).”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I think you should first call your sister and confirm if she’s going or not because she might show up and the end and cause drama if her “spot” wasn’t secured. You don’t need to mention your mom is asking you to host other people instead of her – since that might stir the pot a bit more -, just tell her you wanted to make sure *insert excuse like “I have enough milk” or “get enough clean towels ready”* if she tells you she hasn’t decided yet or even that she isn’t going, tell your mom you rather keep your place in “hold” for **her daughter AND grandchildren** because if she shows up and she doesn’t have a place to stay there will likely be drama plus THE CHILDREN will be affected. “I know sis said she isn’t going/hasn’t decided to go yet, but I rather keep the room free in case she ends up going, you know, for YOUR GRANDKIDS, I mean the wedding isn’t until spring, so who knows!
Is likely you’ll be made up during the holidays, right?”. Caring son/brother who hopes mom and sis sort things together and thinks THE CHILDREN will be a good look for you.” Dracyl
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – you’re also assuming that while your mom volunteered your place, these relatives would want to stay with you.
Why don’t you ask your sister? Instead of waiting and assuming ask her and see, that’ll save you from hosting people you don’t know. Also, looking at your family interactions, like your mom automatically volunteering your place and falling out of touch with close family, maybe cut your sister some slack due to her conflict with your mother.” vt2022cam
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You didn’t give a blanket invitation to anyone going to the wedding. You made a specific offer to your sister and her kids. One they may still end up using. If anyone asks you only offered to house your sister and kids. Otherwise, you’re not an Airbnb and aren’t available for anyone else. I’d be prepared in case anyone tries to bulldoze their way in by not having a place to stay. Either be out when most people will arrive or ignore anyone at your door and silence your phone.” ApprehensiveBook4214
13. AITJ For Snapping At My Mom After She Made Hurtful Comments About My Weight?
“I (21F) would just like to start with the fact that yes, I am very much an overweight woman, however, I had been having problems with losing weight for many years despite constant dieting and fully cutting out sugar for a few years.
I went to the doctor about this as well as a few other issues I had been having and was diagnosed with both Lipoedema and PCOS, both of which I had suspicions about but were only confirmed in the last month. However, even though the doctor suggested liposuction to help with it, I decided against it as my quality of life wasn’t being affected badly enough for me to consider it my only option.
Now, my mother (46F) and I haven’t always had the best relationship, but it was never bad enough to where we’d dislike each other or go out of our way to hurt each other, but she often made (what I believed to be) unintentionally hurtful comments about my appearance, height, weight, fashion sense, hobbies, etc. However, she was diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder at a young age and even with medication, it can still affect her sometimes so I chose to not take those comments to heart.
Recently, my mother and father were planning a family trip to go and visit our relatives in another country and we would need to fly there. It was then that my mother decided to say to the whole family which consisted of my mother, me, my older brother (23M), my older sister (25F), and my father (49M) that I would need to book an extra seat because I couldn’t fit in a single one.
I will admit that I was in a pretty bad mood as she had already made a few comments about my outfit choice and said that I looked like a homeless bowling ball, but I did try to ignore it. Unfortunately, when she said this I snapped and screamed at her “Will you stop making comments about my weight when I’ve got a medical condition, you jerk!”.
After that, I stormed out of the house to try and calm myself down so I didn’t blow up even more.
Up until this point, I had known about my diagnosis for about a week and a half and was still trying to figure out how to process it so I hadn’t properly told my family yet.
So, when they started calling and texting me to ask what I meant by having a medical condition, I sent the photos of my test results to my sister to share with the family and turned my phone off.
I also sent my mother an apology for yelling at her like that, but I haven’t heard anything back from her.
I feel like I really screwed up, and I don’t even know if I want to go on this trip anymore if I blew up at her like this, but now I’m starting to think that she’s been making all those comments about me on purpose and I don’t know what to do.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I see some people focusing on whether you need a second seat or not (it sounds like you don’t) but I find that discussion irrelevant in the context of this ruling. Even if it was necessary, it is a total jerk move to casually drop that very sensitive topic in a group setting like that.
Maybe one could argue the seating issue is a topic Mom felt she needed to discuss (not sure I agree, but it would need to be in private and with sensitivity to be at all defensible) but that bowling ball comment is inarguably unnecessary, and cruel.
I’m not surprised you snapped and I think it showed character to apologize. I’m not surprised she hasn’t responded, it sounds like she’s way too insensitive to acknowledge she did anything wrong.” Radiant-Raspberry-74
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – having bipolar & being a jerk are two different things.
Bipolar disorder has nothing to do with her ability to keep her mouth shut and not spew insults about people’s appearances. It doesn’t matter *why* you’re overweight, medical condition or not – it’s not her business to make comments to you about your weight that she knows makes you upset.
She’s being a bully. Understandably, you reacted the way you did, and it’s mature of you to apologize for raising your voice. Now let’s see if she apologizes for being unnecessarily rude.” psych_daisy
12. AITJ For Limiting My Mom's Access To My Kids After She Body Shamed My Daughter?
“I (31f) was on the chubby side growing up and my mom (58f) was always hard on me for my weight. It deeply impacted my self-esteem, to the point that I ended up losing an unhealthy amount of weight in my teens just to please her.
Once I left the house, I gained some weight back and, after years of therapy, I finally felt like I had a healthy relationship to food and exercise. My mom also seemed to stop being as obsessed with my body once I wasn’t around her 24/7, and our relationship got a lot better.
I had a daughter nine years ago, let’s call her Mia. Mia is a sweet girl and adores her grandma. A couple of days ago I sent her and her brother (Liam, 7m) to stay with my parents for the weekend. On the car ride home, I noticed that Mia wasn’t her bubbly self and asked her if something was wrong.
She was embarrassed but eventually, she started to cry and told me what happened. That afternoon they had gone out for ice cream. Mia tried to order a cone with 2 scoops, but my mother stopped her and changed her order to a single scoop in a cup.
When Liam ordered a cone with 2 scoops, my mother didn’t say a word. When Mia asked why Liam got a cone and not her, my mother told her it was because she was fat and needed to lose weight or nobody would find her attractive.
I was livid.
The second we got home, I called my mom and told her that what she said was completely unacceptable and that from then on, I would have to chaperone any time she spent with my daughter. My mom told me I was overreacting, that Mia was exaggerating and that I shouldn’t believe a nine-year-old over her.
She told me it was probably just something she picked up in dance class and that I was “projecting.” I was pretty sure she was full of nonsense but I wanted to verify anyway, so I had another talk with Mia. I told her that if my mother ever said anything like that to her again, she to tell me right away.
She started crying again and told me that not only was this not the first time something like this happened, but also that my mother told Mia not to tell me because I was fat and she wouldn’t want to be like me.
I called my mom again and told her everything Mia told me.
All she said was, “Well was I wrong? You are fat.”
I hung up. She tried to call me again but I didn’t pick up. I haven’t responded to her since. This morning she got my brother involved. He thinks it is an overreaction to not respond and that she didn’t mean any harm, but I am pretty adamant about not wanting to expose my daughter to her nonsense.
I told my brother that if my mother is willing to apologize to Mia and me, and agree to chaperoned visits, I might consider letting them see each other. I know she won’t do that. I feel horrible because it’s Liam’s birthday next week and I know he wants his grandma there but I just don’t feel comfortable with my kids being around her, not yet.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Absolutely NTJ. You know firsthand the damage this kind of comment can do to a young girl. You have a duty as a mother to protect your children and you are doing exactly that. Kudos to you, OP, for shutting that nonsense down.
Your mother is wholly in the wrong for making fat-shaming, unhealthy comments to your daughter that could foster an ED, as well as for showing preferential treatment by only directing those comments toward your daughter and letting her brother eat more than her. And she certainly should not be restricting your daughter’s diet.
If you’re comfortable with doing so, it might be good to talk with your brother about how your mom’s fatphobic comments impacted you growing up. Chances are, he’s oblivious because he wasn’t her target.” chickadeerevelry
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your mother is emotionally abusing your daughter.
And she *knows* it’s wrong because she told her not to say anything to you. She knows exactly what she did or she wouldn’t have tried to hide it. Now is probably a good time to teach Mia that if an adult *ever* says to her “Don’t tell mum”, she needs to tell mum immediately.
It may also be a good time to have an age-appropriate conversation about emotional mistreatment, and about how sometimes, someone you love will hurt you because of their insecurities, and that’s not okay.” lordmwahaha
11. AITJ For Refusing To Attend A Beach Trip With My MIL Due To Soccer Commitments?
“My wife 39M and our 8yo have plans to go to the beach with my MIL this weekend. I, 40M and our 3yo are not going. I coach our 8-year-old soccer team, and even though I’m not ok with her skipping our first game, the compromise is that she can skip the beach trip because there has been no other weekend this summer for MIL and her family to go.
Yesterday, MIL claimed she is ‘disappointed’ that the whole family is not going, and it is either everyone or no one. I stated to my wife that I’ve made commitments to our team, and this is why we needed this sort of planned trip to happen before school and soccer start back up.
You see, every single month of the summer, my wife constantly mentions to her mother that we’re still looking to work out a plan for the beach, and every weekend we offer, she is always busy. Either with my SIL using the beach house, or MIL with SIL at the beach house, or some other excuse that shows we’re just not a priority.
The dynamic between my wife and MIL is complicated because my wife wants to have a relationship with her, but MIL wants to correct, criticize, and manipulate her constantly. We don’t raise our children correctly for her, we don’t make family or financial decisions correctly, the fact that my wife is a stay-at-home mom is offensive to her, and so on.
This creates a lot of anxiety and stress in my wife, and when MIL treats her this way, my wife tends to project onto me or the kids – treating us the same way. This has gone on for years and caused a major rift in our relationship.
Based on some summer encounters with MIL, things are at their boiling point with us and I shared with my wife that a beach trip with her mother makes me afraid it could ruin or end our marriage.
She still wants to consider going, because it’s not fair to our 8yo that she can’t see her grandma, and this has been something we’ve tried to plan.
MIL says the trip “won’t be worth it” unless we drive down on Friday (I work M-F normal office hours), or very early Saturday, because arriving at noon on Saturday, and leaving at noon on Sunday just is not worth it to her.
I still will not go and told my wife I would support whatever she wants to do.
She doesn’t have to do it my way but our 8yo has started to express emotions about how MIL treats mom, and it weighs heavy in our household. Because of that, I told my wife I was reluctant to share my opinion because I did not want to make her feel forced one way or the other, and shared with her that if it was my decision I would cancel.
I truly am worried about her going, but also willing to compromise and support them going out there.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and I don’t think you and your wife should have to bend over backwards for your MIL. You gave her dates and she couldn’t accept when you were available so you gave her a date that your wife and daughter could attend by themselves and that wasn’t good enough for her either.
Your wife needs to understand that a relationship, with her mom goes both ways and she can’t always be the accommodating one” Bearmancartoons
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Do you talk to your players about commitments to the team? If so what is the punishment, if any, if they miss practices or games?
If there is a punishment then your child should be subject to this the same as any other player. If there isn’t a punishment then it’s a moot point. However, you committed to the team to coach them and you should be there to set an example.
MIL can learn the world doesn’t revolve around her.” NCNative919
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, Sounds like some boundary work needs to be done here. Your wife has probably felt less than forever and bending over backwards has been the only way to make her feel somewhat loved. Your MIL doesn’t seem like she cares about the family, she only wants to push the family around so she can feel her importance.
I wouldn’t go and honestly, your wife should stand her ground.” Thatcher
10. AITJ For Cutting Off Contact With My Family Due To Their Hostility Towards My Wife And Kids?
“I (Irish) married a woman of a different nationality (Brazilian). My mother and some of my siblings were hostile to the relationship but when they realized that we were going to stay together, they needed to choose to accept us as a couple or lose me in their life.
Behaviors improved over the years but a slide has started to be apparent.
Fast forward to ten years and two kids later (3yo and a 6-month-old baby), unless I bring my children to see their grandmother, there would be no effort forthcoming from her to see them.
She has seen very little of the baby as she is so horrible to my wife and because she is breastfeeding understandably they come as a package. My wife wishes to spend as little time in my mother’s company after recent hostilities where she was badgered and lost her cool shushing my mother.
This was used as proof that my wife did not know how to behave even though I told my mother she was bang out of order and we left the house to get away.
She has started to treat me with disdain (very critical of every action I ever undertook and contemptuous that I have retired early to raise my children and have little interest in traditional work, given I have the means to not require it) and is openly hostile to my wife, critical of our parenting skills and is dredging up views from the past that are hurtful and we thought were left there and to be forgotten about.
She does have some positives to her character but they are getting clouded by her bad behaviour.
My siblings make effectively zero effort to see my children (only see them when we bring them to a family event) and are of the view that my wife and I should be the ones to initiate contact between my children and them.
I see this as being the responsibility of the adults as I am willing to facilitate any contact that they wish to have with our children but my siblings do not seek contact, ordinarily.
I approached my mother after the most recent incident in her house where my wife shushed her, in response to critical parenting comments, and told her that she is an adult and she knows what she needs to do to attempt to rectify the situation.
My mother has decided that she was not in the wrong because she is focusing on the shushing, not on the content that brought it about.
I am at the end of my tether and my eldest has a speech delay that we are trying to help him with, possibly mild autism.
My family members’ version of help is to point out that he is not talking at the same rate as other children his age and that they think he may have autism (that is the extent of their help).
At this point, I want very little to do with any of them.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You might want to just go LC/NC with your family at this point because they are not going to change without a serious reason to do so (such as you cutting them all out of life). Do you get along with the wife’s family?
If so, then put your energy into fostering those relationships for your children to bond more with that side of the family.” ConfectionExtra7869
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I agree with you completely. You should be focusing on your children and not your “old family”. It’s grandma’s responsibility to create a relationship with the kids since they are adults.
You don’t need more stress in your life.” Formal-Fee-8561
9. AITJ For Vacuuming Up The Spiders In Our House?
“My husband (30M) and I (28F) inherited a beautiful home a few years ago. It’s quite old and the hallway/entryway of the house is beautiful and antique, but also home to many cracks and crevices that make it very easy for bugs to creep into our house.
I am a huge arachnophobe and literally can’t enter our laundry room because of this hallway as I am deathly afraid of the spiders lurking there. They are on the ceiling, in nearly every corner, near the doors, totally webbing up the place. I hate it and have asked my husband on multiple occasions to remove the spiders for me however he pleases (he usually puts them in a cup and puts them outside).
He refuses.
He says that the spiders contribute to keeping our house fly- and mosquito-free and that they “also need a place to stay” when it gets cold, etc. which I understand to a degree but the hallway is quite literally covered in spiders (and other small bugs).
One or two spiders I could handle, as long as they stay out of my way, but we’re not a spider hotel. We argued about this and I felt very silly arguing over who has to remove the spiders because it seems so minute. Just take them outside!
Well, yesterday I took action after many weeks of hyping myself up and decided to remove them all by sucking them up and then emptying the vacuum cleaner. I simply have no other way because I can’t bear the thought of touching them, putting a cup over them, or anything else.
I put on a face mask, a hat, gloves, and other silly equipment because I was afraid the spiders might ambush me and then proceeded to suck them all up, webs included.
My husband came home and was livid. He instantly saw the empty corners and confronted me.
“How could you kill them all like that?” etc. he made me feel guilty over sucking up those darn spiders! I told him that if he had consented to take them outside via cup or anything else, this wouldn’t’ve happened, but I simply didn’t feel comfortable in my own house anymore and had trouble taking down our laundry into the basement because of those bugs.
I used to “run” into the house and “run” outside because I couldn’t stand standing in the entryway for more than a few seconds. Now I finally feel comfortable again, although I must admit, in a few weeks, there’s probably going to be more bugs (which I will have to suck up again).
My husband has ranted about this issue with his friends and family and is now making me out to be cruel and heartless, claiming I mindlessly “killed animals” simply because I dislike how they look (which is true, to a degree). I feel extremely silly for even discussing this because to me, this is normal and I don’t see myself as a cruel animal mishandler at all.
They’re just spiders. So, AITJ for sucking those spiders up with my vacuum?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ The house is primarily for you and your husband! And only if you can agree, you could consider letting other guests (spiders, bugs, but also goes for family, kids, etc) stay over.
The key is that you both see it the same way! Try to find a compromise on this – I’ve seen a few suggestions in other comments. But don’t forget that a compromise involves both parties giving in a little…!” Adventurous_Byte
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, I am all for leaving spiders alone or moving them to an attic or garage as he is right in so far as they help you and need a place to stay. However, my friends all kill spiders, my coworkers kill spiders, and I have killed spiders when they surprise me.
It is not something to get angry over as there are like (sorry) thousands of spiders on your property where you can’t see them. Removing spiders from your space isn’t mindless as you are doing it for your peace of mind, and to be honest, having that many spiders will likely result in getting bitten at least once.
I wouldn’t do it, I only kill things that I know do harm to me or my land but again his reaction is overdramatic and preachy.” SoggySassodil
Another User Comments:
“NTJ People don’t understand how phobias work. It isn’t something you just ‘deal with’ or ‘get over’ Yes it’s irrational, we know that!
That doesn’t make the fear go away! Yes, some of us can push through it to a degree to get things done. I have to for work. That doesn’t mean it’s something easy to do or isn’t absurdly stressful. I draw the line at home space.
This is my sanctuary. My peaceful space. No creepy crawlies allowed. The kitties can catch the flies, my husband can smooth the spiders. I respect bugs/spiders. They have a place in the world and if they aren’t in my face they are fascinating. But they don’t get to be in my house.” _Hallaloth_
8. AITJ For Publicly Calling Out My Former Bully Teacher On LinkedIn?
“I (25F) had a 5th-grade teacher who was (at least what I perceive to be) an ‘adult bully.’ She would joke to our class about an autistic kid on the playground and would even mock the way he ran and flapped his arms. I struggled in math throughout elementary school and had an IEP for it, and this teacher would constantly in a condescending tone tell me my methods were wrong in front of the whole class.
She would favor the A-students in the class & would brag about them to everyone else while announcing that they get the ‘special privilege’ of sitting in the back. I asked her when I could have a back seat and she angrily under her breath shouted “No!
you will NEVER get one.” I was mortified. One day she told our class we were going to have mandatory ‘binder checks’ to make sure ours were organized. I went to place mine on her desk and she angrily asked “Why are you giving me this?!
Go sit back down & do your work.” She then dared to call my mom into an ’emergency meeting’ with the school psychologist and guidance counselor because she thought I was ‘disturbed’ and that there was something wrong with my mental health (all because I mentioned I don’t get along with my stepdad at home, but that’s a story for a different time…).
She yelled at my mom that she needed to “do something now! “, which put her in a panic and sent her late to work upset & crying. My mom revealed to me when I was older that she hated her, too.
Well, just the other day, my former school district posted a ‘meet the teachers’ post on their LinkedIn.
Lo and behold, Ms. Newly-Divorced-‘N-lookinglikeshe’s not at her best was their featured teacher of the month. The post mentioned all of these “positive” things about her career & experience (which I already knew were completely made up), and lots of what looked to be parents & other staff were commenting generic “She’s awesome and so hard working!” comments.
So I took to my keyboard and wrote the absolute truth about her; it was time I set things straight. I wrote all the above about how she bullied me & other students with special needs, especially how she picked favorites in her classroom. It was a long post, and some commenters (who never had her as a teacher) dared to respond that my comment was “unnecessary.” One of my colleagues who I’m connected with on LinkedIn stopped me a few days later and said they read my comment.
They suggested I not do that again because even though they do not follow my district page, they *still* saw what I wrote and that I could have publicly humiliated this teacher on an international platform. I told them what I wrote was none of their business, and that unless they have had this teacher & experienced her bullying, they need to stay out of it.
AITJ for going to this length?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ for sharing your experiences with the teacher. As somebody who was bullied by a teacher as well, I’m all for screaming it from the rooftops when a teacher sucks and is unfit for their job.
Not sure that LinkedIn is the right place for that, but, you know what, that’s your decision to make. If your colleague was only worried about the teacher being embarrassed – and that’s what it sounds like – yeah, they should just stay out of it; but if they had been worried about people on LinkedIn seeing it as unprofessional and wanted to warn you that it could potentially have negative consequences for you, that would’ve been a different story.” Kathleen
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your remarks may be construed by others to be “unnecessary”, but I don’t think there is a statute of limitations for adults who bully children. Teaching is one area where there is very little oversight or supervision, and most of the rotten behavior never gets seen by other adults or addressed. I was one of the A+ students and Teacher’s Pet types; good teachers saved my life.
But I saw what bad teachers did — mocking children, dominating them, even manhandling them. There is no excuse. So if you are willing to stand by what you wrote, she is free to address your remarks, and defend her behavior, and apologize. But you are not obliged to forgive her.
I hope venting gave you some peace.” Ladiesbane
Another User Comments:
“Posts on the Internet in social media forums are forever. Posts on Linked In represent your professional career, with current contact information and full name. Most people even have their pictures, so there’s no way out.
You have potentially undermined your career. NO ONE in a hiring position wants to hire an employee who feels it’s more important to shout out about mistreatment in a classroom that happened more than a decade ago rather than to use a little discretion. While I don’t blame you for your feelings, it wasn’t a smart professional decision.
It was a foolish decision.” 2dogslife
7. AITJ For Asking My Mum To Not Eat My Food?
“I (17F) and my mum (45F) both live together, just as the two of us. I have an older brother but he moved out a few years ago.
Everything is good between me and my mum, we often laugh and joke together and have a strong family bond. However, one habit of my mum annoys me, and I’m not sure if this is a normal thing or if I should have a problem with it.
Whenever I have a nicer kind of food, such as a sweet dessert or some sweet snacks like biscuits or cakes, my mum cannot help but eat said item of food if it is left unattended. While she often apologizes for this, and I understand that it is a deep-running habit picked up from her childhood of being told she constantly had to clear her plate at mealtimes, recently the habit has particularly worsened, to the extent that I find myself hiding packs of biscuits and other snacks in the house so that I can still enjoy them.
Which brings us to the conversation that we have just had.
Earlier today, my mum and I went to our local shop, which sells a range of cakes, sweets, and biscuits, and she picked out a small cake each for both of us. I am quite unwell for unrelated reasons at the moment, so my appetite isn’t great, I only ate a bit of the cake and decided to save the rest for later.
This evening, we went out for a meal, which filled my stomach due to my lack of appetite, so I was in no way prepared to finish the cake from earlier. So when my mum asked what I wanted to do with the cake, I asked if she could put it in the fridge so that I could have it in the morning, to which she replied “Ha, no chance.” This frustrated me, as I still wanted to eat the cake, and appreciated the fact that she had bought it for me, I just wasn’t ready to eat it today, so I replied, sternly “No, I want you to put the cake in the fridge and not eat it, because it’s mine and I would still like to eat it tomorrow,” leading to my mum deciding to act cold and callous with me, hardly speaking to me unless it was necessary.
Okay, maybe I shouldn’t have spoken to my mother sternly, but I couldn’t keep putting up with the complete lack of respect for my personal belongings. I am also aware that my mum paid for the cake, so probably had the right to take it back if she wanted, but the principle of taking somebody else’s food when they aren’t strictly done with it is what bothers me.
So, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“You’re NTJ here and neither is your mom, though her behavior sucks. As you seemed to have already guessed her food issues don’t seem to be fully under her control and probably stem from an unhealthy relationship with it going back to childhood.
May I suggest you ask your mom about getting a small mini fridge that you can have in your room for cheap? She’d be less inclined to binge your snacks if she had to come into your room to do so and at worst you could put a lock on it.
That way you can have your snacks and maintain a healthy relationship with food (not feeling like you have to empty the carton now or get none) while giving her space to work on her issue to the degree she can.” BusyIzy83
Another User Comments:
“I love my husband dearly. We have been together for almost 40 years. He always eats all of the snacks almost as soon as they come in the door. It doesn’t matter if it is something he has bought for me (Valentine’s Day chocolates), he just can’t stand to leave it to sit for later.
He was raised poor and food insecure. He rarely got treats. He just can’t get over it. I have learned to put anything I want into the big freezer. If the brownies are frozen, he won’t eat them. If they are on the counter, they are gone.
Same with cookies or pies, if he can eat them, he will eat them. If he has to wait for them to thaw, he won’t eat them. You can’t change your mother, she really can’t help herself. You can change how you store your treats though.
She might be happy that you have made it harder on her as well. I know my husband will tell me to “Freeze them all” after eating a cookie he likes.” JaneTheCane
6. AITJ For Telling My Mom She'll Be Happier Once I Move Out?
“I (20F) have always been close with my mom after she & dad split up when I was a baby. I love my mom to bits as she’s always been there for me, even financially when I know she can’t afford it. We’re super close, however, ever since I turned 17, she changed, seemingly since I’ve become independent.
We have different body types; she’s unhealthily skinny, has to work out daily & her diet is bad. I’ve seen her run on just a bowl of cereal for a day. It’s bad.
I’ve always had wide shoulders, went to a school with a uniform policy, and got bullied for looking wide in my blazer.
I’m curvy, work out often, am a vegetarian, & keep myself healthy. This doesn’t stop her from saying, as if I’m obese, “When you’re so big you can’t move, don’t come crying to me!” It’s to the point where our family friends have told her she’s being mean it’s that bad.
She brought that exact phrase up because we were arguing over it & our family was like “Yeah, that’s mean.” She also has a bit of a complex to do with chores. Saying things like “I’m always doing everything!”. She’s done it since I was about 15?
When I was younger it made me feel guilty because I couldn’t do everything. Now that I’m 20, I do everything I can to help. I’m a university student, who just finished my freshman year, so I only home on seasonal holidays, but I lived in the dorms, & developed so much individuality/independence.
I also met my long-term partner, we’ll call him D. Mom loves D, but again, she does little things like mention my weight in front of him (he doesn’t care about that) & gets upset when I get annoyed or will call or text me when I and D are out on a date.
Anyway, current day – this is what happened tonight (paraphrased). My job allows me to work seasonally when I’m home as part of my contract, & I’m working a 40-hour work week so I can afford rent for a student house, not just a dorm.
Mom works from home. I worked a 7-12 pm today, then had to go out. I get home at 3, play some games, end up napping at 4, wake up at 6. Mom’s cooked dinner! Great. I go downstairs, and a huge fight breaks out. She gets upset with me and starts yelling that I never help out.
I start getting mad by this point, so I walk away. We usually end up arguing, but instead, I very nonchalantly said to her, “At least I move away again in 2 weeks. Then you might be happy.” This sends her crazy, she’s yelling at me, and she’s angry, but she makes me feel very small when she comments on me, and I wanted her to feel that.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your comment is perfectly logical in this context. If you were a slothful burden the way she insinuates, she actually would be happy that you’re moving out. So I see this as calling her bluff in a way. It’s also you growing up and not allowing yourself to be manipulated by her “woe is me” behavior.
Also, good for you to stay healthy and not focus too much on being overly skinny. Don’t let your mom’s body issues become your own.” MiscreantMarsupial
5. AITJ For Refusing To Make My Dad A Sandwich When He Didn't Ask For One?
” I (F19) currently live with my parents, and am on my way out for college, in search of an apartment. Since I live in Germany, dorms are not a very common thing. My mother found an apartment near my school and has made a viewing appointment with the landlord to take a look at the property.
I didn’t ask her to search for an apartment for me, since I do that myself already, but I appreciate the help nonetheless.
My mother insisted she’d join me for the viewing since it’s my very first, and suggested my dad come as well. My dad works all day and is generally very busy, so I told her that that wouldn’t be necessary, yet my dad agreed later this week as well.
Fast forward to today (the day of the viewing) and me sitting in my room working on some freelance commissions I do for side cash here and there as a “job”. My mother enters my room unannounced and demands I make my father a sandwich because, quote: “He hadn’t had lunch yet and is rushing to make it for the viewing”.
I get fairly annoyed at that for three reasons:
1) I know for a fact my dad didn’t ask for a sandwich, my mother just assumed he wanted one. He never asked my mom for a sandwich or me. Because I texted him.
2) She walked up to the third floor of our house (the kitchen is down on the first) just to tell me to make him a sandwich.
3) The last time I made him a sandwich for lunch after work, he didn’t eat it and made one himself.
Now don’t get me wrong, I’d gladly make him lunch if he had asked me beforehand, it’s the principle of my mom asking me without him even asking in the first place.
So I tell her that he is a grown man and is perfectly capable of making himself a sandwich if he wants one. Big mistake. She starts insulting and screaming at me, calling me an entitled ungrateful brat who wouldn’t make her dear old dad a sandwich, after he got himself into such a hurry just for ME and MY viewing.
Remind you, I specifically told both of them that he shouldn’t rush himself for this viewing, it was his choice to come (which I also appreciate tho).
I get more upset at that and blurt out a “fine, I’ll make him his darn sandwich”, to which she blows up in my face and threatens to cancel the viewing with the landlord.
I had no way of contacting the landlord myself, so she cornered me with that.
After that she demanded an apology and wouldn’t accept any of my reasons for my reaction to her request, also not accepting any apology. She still treats me like a child and won’t have a normal discussion with me as to why exactly I won’t make a grown man his sandwich.
I still feel like crap tho, since I kinda feel like an entitled brat now. Am I in the wrong?”
Another User Comments:
” NTJ- if you were working as well, I don’t see why you have to make other people’s food. If you were sitting around playing video games that would be one thing, but it sounds like you were doing a commission job.
I think some boundaries are needed and will be helpful, and ideally, this is why you’re moving out. It’s a classic time-to-move-out scenario. They’re treating you like a child, and moving out will reaffirm those boundaries and help them see you as an adult.” Proper-Ad-8829
Another User Comments:
“NTJ’s lazy mom is the jerk. She could have made a sandwich in the time she took to walk up 3 flights of stairs to your room. Just because you are 19 does not make you the maid. You did say you were looking for an apartment on your own so you should have let Mom cancel the viewing.
If she finds you an apartment she will constantly remind you about all the work she did finding it. She will think you owe her. Stop. being a baby. Find your apartment on your own. I found my first place at 17 while paying for my college.
You are 2 years older. You should be able to do this on your own. Or stay the baby that mommy and daddy have to look after. Your choice. ” ZookeepergameDeep668
Another User Comments:
“NTJ It is completely insane for her to walk up 3 floors to tell you that when she could’ve done it felt like a power move but my advice is after the viewing most likely you’re moving out so I’d say if a sandwich is what is stopping you from that freedom make it and move out or your mom will pull rank and not help after you’re out you won’t have to deal with no one ever again! ” Supernova-Max
4. AITJ For Being Upset My Partner Called Her Ex To Apologize Without Telling Me?
“Tonight, I argued with my partner of one year after she called her ex to apologize for something that happened over a year ago.
When we first met last summer, we had a rough start because she joked about being unfaithful. She believed it was harmless, expecting me to trust she’d never actually be unfaithful.
We argued but eventually moved on, and she promised to stop making those jokes.
Later, we argued about her allowing men who were interested in her to keep contacting her without directly telling them she wasn’t interested. After multiple arguments, she promised to stop, but she didn’t follow through.
She kept in touch with an ex, claiming she had no feelings for him and that he knew how serious our relationship was. I could tell he was still interested, but I decided not to seem insecure and let it go. One day, while we were cuddling in the kitchen, her ex called. She looked at her phone but didn’t answer.
I noticed the caller ID and walked away to the living room. She let the phone ring and continued doing things in the kitchen, which is in the same area.
She came over and asked why I wasn’t talking and why I had walked away.
I told her I felt uncomfortable and asked why she didn’t pick up the phone when she answered all her other calls in front of me, just as I do with her. I questioned why, if she was okay with texting him and talking sometimes, she couldn’t pick up the phone.
She said there was no issue, that they don’t talk often, and that I shouldn’t be insecure. I told her I was going to leave, but she started crying and begging me to stay. I said, “Okay, if everything is as you say, call him.” So she did.
They talked casually for a bit, and I whispered for her to ask if he knew she was in a relationship. She hesitated but eventually asked. Her ex said he wasn’t aware of any relationship. She started to panic and asked him several times, but he insisted she hadn’t made it clear.
I tried to leave, but she cut the call and begged me to stay, insisting she wasn’t playing games. I asked her to call him back, and I had an amicable conversation with him. He assured me there was no issue, that he didn’t want to come between us, and agreed to block her.
After the call, she blocked him and deleted his number.
That happened a year ago. Today, she called me to say she had contacted her ex to apologize for her actions. She said she’d always wanted to apologize because she didn’t want to be someone who hurt others.
She didn’t tell me beforehand because she thought I’d find it weird. During her explanation, she changed her story a few times, which made me suspicious. I told her that while wanting to apologize was valid, not telling me beforehand made it hard to trust her.
It felt sketchy and dishonest. We argued, and now we’re not talking. Am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“You are NTJ for what you did in this situation. You will 100% be a total dummy if you stay with this girl. You could cover a barn with the number of red flags dangling from her.
People who are good at apologizing? It’s because they screw up often willfully all the time. It seems obvious she still carries a torch for the ex and you will get dumped the moment he wants her back. There are TONS of single gals out there who will not bring the issues this girl is bringing.
You can stay with her and constantly put up with this stuff, it will not stop or you can save yourself a whole lotta pain, your choice” Timely-Profile1865.
Another User Comments:
“NTJ The underlined question for her is ‘Why is she so bent on having a good relationship with her ex!’ She cut him off a year ago to focus on you, all that time and she still felt the need to call him and apologize!
Which means that all the time you and her were together she never stopped thinking about him and I hate to tell you but sounds like she never will.” Supernova-Max
Another User Comments:
“Look, man. I have a friend who is kind of likes you.
I showed him all the red flags and he worked through them with his partner rather than taking the hint and ending it. He’s now somewhat distanced himself from me. I see you in the same boat. You’ve found multiple red flags and yet have come all the way to get an obvious answer you see yourself.
Leave. Leave before this becomes your life. Because once you find yourself unable to move on, you’ll be miserable for the rest of your life. And that’s gonna be bad. NTJ but leave her. You don’t owe her an explanation, nor should you let her manipulate you into staying.” thank
3. AITJ For Not Taking Photos Of My Deceased Sister To College?
“Before my parents had me (18m) they had my sister “Emily”. Emily was 3 years older than me and she passed away when I was a few months old. My parents never recovered. My whole childhood I was in the shadows of the child they lost. I understand that grief does things to people and that losing a child is the worst loss a parent can suffer, but it was like I didn’t exist most of the time.
They talked about Emily all the time. Sometimes they could acknowledge she was gone but more often than not she was talked about like she was still around. The most attention I got from my parents was when they force-fed words about how much I loved Emily.
It never came naturally for me to say “I love Emily and I miss her so much”. I didn’t know Emily. But I did feel haunted by her. I had a big photo of Emily on the wall opposite my bed growing up. They wanted me to fall asleep to my sister looking over me.
It always felt creepy. But they had photos of her in every room, even the bathroom. I remember trying to take the photo in my room and my parents had a hugely explosive reaction. Like I’m talking they yelled so loud the neighbors came to check on us.
Emily’s room was never touched after she passed away and sometimes my parents would sit in there for hours. I was also forced to sit with them in there sometimes. But I had to be very careful because I couldn’t touch anything or make the room filthy.
My extended family was always so caught between being nicer to me to try and make up for my parents or coddling my parents and putting the weight of their grief and Emily’s death on my shoulders. They would tell me not to be so harsh on my parents when they (my parents) would let me down.
My parents could never celebrate anything I did. My extended family tried to fill that gap… but sometimes it felt like they came just to lecture me about compassion and understanding.
I did well through school despite getting no help or support from my parents and I got a full scholarship to college.
Before I left my extended family came over to say goodbye and “celebrate” a little, because there could be no celebrating me at my parent’s house. My parents had these photos of Emily for me to take. They told me I’d need them for my dorm.
But I left them behind. I didn’t want to take photos of Emily. I wanted to get away from them and that might seem unfair. My parents realized the next day and I got a text from my dad calling me all sorts of names for leaving them behind.
Then my extended family said I could have taken one and should because Emily is still my sister and I should still try to “remember” her for my parent’s sake if not mine.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“This is a big one. NTJ in any way at all.
Your parents need help and, sadly, they never got that. You should be proud and allowed to live your life. I wish you all the best in this next phase of your life. When you are older maybe you can try sitting down and talking to your parents about all of this.
This likely can’t happen until they get help which they seem unlikely to. I wish I had something better or more helpful to say. Just know that you are NTJ at all.” Logical_Read9153
Another User Comments:
“Moving to college looks like the clean break you need to move your own life forward.
There’s not a lot you can do for your parents, and you may have to limit contact if you want to avoid this argument with them in the future. Ignore the flying monkeys. If the relatives want to help your parents live in the past, they’re more than welcome to put up pictures of Emily all over their homes in solidarity with your parents.
You get to decorate your personal living space as you see fit. Your parents have chosen to avoid dealing with their grief and cling to memory instead of moving on positively with their other child. None of this is on you, so NTJ for refusing to be a part of their drama.” baka-tari
Another User Comments:
“NTJ It sounds like your parents were not able to cope with the loss of their child and as a result put a huge amount of pressure on you to play the part of a grieving sibling. They could not move forward in their role as parents so they also kept you in your sister’s shadow while ignoring your successes.
You suffered because of this. It’s ok to leave the past in the past and make a fresh start at college.” laurasdiary
2. AITJ For Being Upset That My Mom Opened My Personal Mail?
“My mom (57) lives five hours away in my (23f) old hometown. I haven’t lived at home in five years. Didn’t even go back home during college breaks. So none of my friends have been there in years.
In high school, when I was 18 and stupid, I wrote a letter to myself.
My English teacher assigned it, said it would be a time capsule about ourselves then and wonder where we are now. I have no idea what I wrote about. What I asked myself. How trashy it may be. But we had to address it to a permanent address.
I had no other address but my parents. I figured I’d remember to tell my parents not to open any letters addressed to me in 2024. And, while I don’t remember what I wrote, I do remember putting precautions like “do not read if you’re not [my name]” because I treated it essentially like a diary I wouldn’t open until 23.
I feared my parents would read on.
In June, I told my mother not to open any letters addressed to me. I remember telling her why and her laughing and rolling her eyes but saying ok.
But it didn’t matter.
Today I got a call saying I have a letter from [my old English teacher.] I said oh yeah I know what that is, don’t open it.
She said, “I already did”. The way my heart sunk so fast. I immediately asked why would she open it. She said she wanted to make sure it wasn’t an invitation to a wedding or something. (Remember how none of my friends know about this address because I haven’t lived there in a half-decade?)
I started saying stuff like how it’s violating because I don’t even remember what I wrote, (which she said was filled with cuss words and she would’ve taken me to therapy if she saw it back then) and that it didn’t have her name or invite for her to read anywhere on the letter.
She said I should’ve told her not to open anything, then I said I did less than three months ago, which she claims I never did. (Trust me, I did!!) but then that I should’ve been more specific with what she couldn’t open.
But I insisted I did it again.
It was also multiple pages I remember, so at some point, I’d, personally, probably thinkWowow this letter isn’t meant for me” and shut it.
But she responds like this: “There you go again! Always taking things to the top.
You know I just wanted to let you know I had it but never mind” and hangs up on me. Now I can get defensive, but it’s because of stuff like this! And I haven’t spoken to her since.
I don’t know.
It was sent to her home, but I’m 23 and this just feels like a huge invasion of privacy. Would y’all open your grown kid’s mail if was sent to your address? Or call them first? Or maybe even try to remember when they asked you not to open their mail?
And isn’t it illegal to open mail that isn’t yours, even if it’s your adult children? AITJ for being upset and insisting it was wrong?”
Another User Comments:
“My 9-year-old got a package from a family friend and I waited patiently for her to get home so she could open it and I could see what candy we were sent..
👀 But long story short. No, your mother had no right opening that letter. Even if you were 15 let alone at 23. I’m 40. Haven’t lived with my parents in 20 years. Still get the occasional letter and my parents call to ask if they should mail it to me, wait for a visit, or open it.” LateNorth1920
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. That being said, if you still have any way to contact that teacher, it might be worth raising with them the many ways in which the assignment is problematic. Many students have no permanent residence after high school. Some students have no permanent residence during high school.
Kids move; parents move. People are dishonest. Mail gets intercepted. Not everyone is psychologically in the best place to receive a “time capsule” from themselves five years after high school. It could create doom spirals of depression and failure for those who encountered challenges and are reading light, breezy reminders of everything they thought they would accomplish.
At least give students the choice to leave them unaddressed and, for those students, have them instead address a notification postcard to an address of someone they think will be able to reach them with a reminder to call the school to have it mailed or picked up.
But yeah, your mom sucks. There’s no way that a letter mailed from a school written in high school looks anything like an invitation.” MxMirdan
Another User Comments:
“What she did was illegal. What she did was immoral. What she did was wrong. However, you define it she was in the wrong.
However, you can’t win anything with this fight. You can’t make her unread it. And believe me when I tell you that even if you get her to tearfully apologize, it won’t help. You can contact the post office and get a mail redirect setup.
You can do that even though you don’t live there right now. You can just say everything addressed to John Smith at 26 Oak Street is now forwarded to John Smith at 52 Poplar Street. It will cost a few bucks but it will end the possibility of this happening in the future.
You should do other things to firewall your mom. She doesn’t respect your boundaries. And you have no reason to believe that that’s going to change. Maybe Jesus will knock on your door and give you a plate of chocolate chip cookies. But I don’t think your mom is going to change.
So I think you’re justified to be upset. But other than getting the mail rerouted I don’t think that’s a lot you can do about it. You absolutely cannot get justice for this issue. But if you like, if you want to be petty. If I were you I might want to be petty.
Then the next time she’s talking to you on the phone you can hang up mid-sentence. Do that five or six times. When she asks about it just say oh I’m sorry I was reading your mail. Don’t make such a big deal about it.
That’s what I do if I want to be petty. But you shouldn’t do that. Because it’s not going to get you anything. It’s not going to help. Just build the firewall between her and you. And do your best to go on.” phred0095
1. AITJ For Being Upset My Friend Couldn't Attend Pre-Wedding Events Due To Financial Struggles?
“My friend (35F) and I met in college and I asked her to be one of my bridesmaids.
I only had 3 bridesmaids coming which includes my sister and my now husband originally had 8 because he had 2 brothers but we cut it down to 6 so the numbers on each side didn’t seem too out of whack. I had been a bridesmaid at my friend’s wedding 4 years ago.
She lost her job last year when she agreed to be my bridesmaid and was working as a contractor when we had planned the events. She told me she couldn’t be there for the overseas bachelorette as it would have required her to take time off and her time off as a contractor was unpaid.
She also declined to go wedding dress shopping. I was disappointed and she ended up only going to the wedding. I did tell her how I wanted her to come and did say to her that with her husband being a doctor I would have assumed she didn’t even need to work if she didn’t want to, let alone not even being unable to take a few days off.
For the wedding, only she was there as she said her husband needed to watch their son and I will admit I was kind of sad because when I was a bridesmaid I attended her bachelorette and my now husband was with me at their wedding.
I just felt like it was common courtesy.
I posted our bridesmaid photos from the trip after the wedding along with the wedding photos and tagged everyone. She responded by saying it looked fun and I said she should have been there. Then she called me a day later and angrily told me to stop trying to make her feel guilty about not attending and making her husband out to be the villain.
She ranted that her son has a heart condition and her husband was working part-time to take care of him so she was the breadwinner which is why she couldn’t afford to miss work. She said that the insurance company won’t cover their claim for the surgery and didn’t consider his case severe enough so they did the surgery without preauthorization for better results so now they might have to cover a very expensive medical debt.
I was shocked and said I was sorry I had no idea and she said she didn’t want to tell me because I was the bride and she also didn’t want everyone to know her son’s condition but I was so annoyed by making it seem like her husband wasn’t letting her do things when he sacrificed more because she made more with working the same hours.
I thought they were rolling in money because of him and had no idea she was the breadwinner through this. I apologized and she said sure and then hung up and I’m feeling guilty but also wondering why she didn’t just say something because the whole time I felt like she didn’t want to be a bridesmaid and being avoidant on purpose.”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ for making that comment about her family finances. You do realize how much that comment must have stung considering her situation right? Weddings are important to you, but brides have to realize that for everyone else it’s just another responsibility. It sounds like she tried her best to support you and your wedding through an extremely trying personal situation (lost job, son sick, husband working PT to support sick son, medical debt).
You owe her a huge apology.” grow on walls
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. When a friend tells you that they cannot attend something, you accept that. You don’t make passive-aggressive comments about the state of their finances or how you think their relationship should be functioning.
You continued pushing her to such an extent that she finally had to say something about what she’s been dealing with. Rather than just apologize (you did that) and ask if there’s anything you can do/ ask after her son’s health, etc. you still feel slighted and think she should have given you all the details of what was going on for her finances and situation.
No, It wasn’t your business.” ParsimoniousSalad
Another User Comments:
“Great. Another bride who acts like her friends should cry tears of joy and spend thousands of dollars to be at the bride’s wedding. They should be so happy to give into the demands of trips, showers, gifts, and endless responsibilities, all whilst the bride is talking about “their” day.
Spoiler alert for the future brides that may read this- at least 90% of your friends think being a bridesmaid is a gigantic pain in the backside where you hemorrhage money and have numerous responsibilities that take over your life. Btw- you’re the jerk. Think of others for once.” Irishkeddy_
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