People Get Flustered Telling These "Am I The Jerk?" Stories
22. AITJ For Not Informing My Husband About The Notary Option For Our Baby's Passport Application?
“My husband thinks I should have told him that there was an option to get a notarized consent form instead of asking him to come with me to the post office to apply for our baby’s passport in person.
He said that I “hid” the fact from him, disrespected him, and wasted his time, and that I should have at least given him the option to do the consent form. He found out it was an option after 20 minutes of both of us waiting in line at the post office for our noon application appointment.
There were still 3 applicants ahead of us (meaning at least a 30-40 minute wait) since the appointments were backed up. He found out because the lady behind us asked if both parents needed to be present, and I said “yes, or you could get a notarized form from the dad.”
After my husband found out, he instantly got really angry that I knew this information and didn’t tell him. I explained that it didn’t even cross my mind, as we are both locals together. I didn’t know that the wait would be so long even with an appointment.
For context, this was our second time at the post office because the first time we didn’t have an appointment, and the line was so long that we left and made an appointment to come back. It’s my first time applying in person, and I didn’t know that many people would be applying for a passport at any given time.
My husband thinks I should apologize for not telling him about the notary option. Looking back, that would have been the way to go, given that it’s been so difficult coordinating times with him to go (he’s been dragging his feet on this because he doesn’t care to go on any international trips anytime soon, and I do, which is another issue).
He’s very protective about his time, especially on weekdays and midday events, as it “interrupts his flow.”
Meanwhile, I think it’s crazy that he feels so entitled to me mentioning the notary option. I’m annoyed at him for being such a maniac about this. Had I known it was going to be like this, I would have told him, but I didn’t know.
He called me “negligent” for not knowing that these things take a long time. I told him the passport process is his responsibility too, but he thinks that since I’ll be waiting in line anyway, I should have respected his time and made it as quick as possible for him by giving him the notary option so he doesn’t have to go and interrupt his day to come in person.
So now he said he’ll do the notarized form on HIS TIMING, “I’ll do it when I do it and I don’t want you asking me about it,” and then I have to go back a third time AGAIN on my own to apply for the passport.
I think we should have just waited and finished the task; the argument, getting the notarized form, and going back is going to take way more time than if we had just waited. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It seems like your husband thinks his time is more valuable than yours.
The fact that he seemingly left the post office when he was already there and had an appointment, rather than just waiting a bit longer and getting it over with, and is now holding this form over you about schedule. You’re having to go back yourself a third time—his behaviour is pretty lacking.” AIPinups
Another User Comments:
“Does he legit think that the line and wait at a notary is somehow magically going to be shorter? So what, we should just have mom go to TWO appointments for this stuff to save him the pain of going to one… and he’d still need to go to one anyhow.
Because you know he isn’t going to do it by himself. ‘Don’t ask me about it’ is so for heck’s sake right now. The DRAMA of this dude. Notaries also aren’t cheap, my guy. He’s controlling you and wasting your time so you can’t leave the country with the baby.
Also, ‘my flow?’ You’re a PARENT; you don’t GET a flow. Edit to add: You aren’t negligent for not telling him stuff. He’s a grown adult, and you aren’t his paid secretary. He could easily have figured it out on his own. Tell him there’s this magical thing called a smartphone and Google.
NTJ” Armadillo_of_doom
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. He’s just as capable of Googling this as you are. Did you decide together that you’d take on this task, or did it get defaulted to you? If it was defaulted, then he’s the negligent one, not you.
Having just done this, it’s an annoying process to make copies, get all the documents together, make the appointment, and then go to the appointment with a toddler. How about he goes back with your kid and a notarized form for you since it was his idea to walk out?” Dense-Passion-2729
21. AITJ For Leaving A Work Training Because Of My IBS Flare Ups?
“Four months ago, I signed up for a work training. It is something I am very interested in learning more about for my career development, and I find it fascinating. It was a free, two full days, in-person training. It consisted solely of lectures, but it wasn’t available online.
I have IBS-D. It is the result of a chronic condition I have. I usually keep it under control with diet and medication when needed, so it doesn’t interfere with my life much. But recently, I have been having a bad flare-up. I’m trying to figure out what the trigger is, but when I think I’ve found it, it turns out I haven’t.
And the medication isn’t helping.
I really wanted to do this training, and I had already signed up for it. I woke up early to take Imodium and had some with me at the training. I was very careful about what I ate, but I still needed it a few times—probably two to three times per day.
I knew it was a possibility, so I sat in the back next to the door so that I could quietly slip out as needed. Each trip to the bathroom took five to ten minutes.
I completed the training, learned a great deal, and I’m happy I did it.
But a couple of days later, the administrator who helped run it approached me and said I was rude and ungrateful for signing up, attending, and “constantly leaving to do whatever.” She told me I wasted a spot for someone who wanted it more. She went on, and I didn’t have a chance to explain myself before she left.
I talked about this with my husband and a couple of others, and they said, yes, it was rude and that the lecturer probably felt disrespected. I get that. But I did my best to prevent issues, and they didn’t work. When I realized it wouldn’t work, I sat in the back by the door so that I could quietly slip out.
I had signed up when I had everything under control, and I left because I truly couldn’t wait.
I’m great at my job; I know it, and people thank me a lot. I wanted to do this training to gain better knowledge and perform my job even better.
It interests me—I love the topic. But I didn’t know I would have a flare-up, and it’s the worst one I’ve ever had.
AITJ for leaving an in-person work training to use the bathroom multiple times?”
Another User Comments:
“Another sufferer of IBS-D.
It is so frustrating when a flare-up happens and I do not know the trigger. It makes me anxious. It is okay to tell the presenter or the administrator that, for medical reasons, you will have to leave the room unexpectedly, and because you do not want to be disruptive, you are sitting near the door.
You do not have to provide any additional details.” GalianoGirl
Another User Comments:
“I was in this situation once. My manager was running a meeting, and I kept having to leave. There was nothing I could do, and I did not feel comfortable being honest about why.
I ended up sending him an apology email afterward and just said, “I’m so sorry for having to step out a few times; I can elaborate more if you feel it’s needed.” He replied and said, “Thanks for the note, and no worries—as it was out of character for you, so I knew you had a good reason.” LLD615
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You can tell them that you have a medical condition that sometimes acts up without much warning and may require you to use the restroom frequently. You do not need to provide a detailed description of what is going on or even name the disease.
I’m sorry you’re dealing with that.” urrrrtn00b
20. AITJ For Prioritizing Dishes Over Other Household Chores?
“My wife and I are fighting a lot lately, and we both think we do the majority of the work around the house and with parenting, which probably means that we do close to an equal amount but exaggerate our own contributions.
Lately, however, we’ve had a huge issue with the dishes. When we moved in together a few years ago, the dishes were assigned as my task. They gross her out, so I do them. My other main task is taking the garbage out. Her tasks are general cleaning (so she says) and laundry, in theory.
I say “in theory” because, in my opinion, we do the laundry equally. By “doing the laundry,” she means throwing the clothes into the washer/dryer, but the folding and putting away is typically a group effort when we have time on the weekends.
Now, the main issue is that whenever we are doing a deep clean on the weekends, or before people are coming over, she wants me to prioritize everything except the dishes.
She feels that the dishes should be the last chore done because, if people come over, they won’t care that there are dishes in the sink; however, the counters should be cleared off and wiped down so that the kitchen looks clean. I have two issues with this.
The first issue is that cleaning off the counters often involves piling dishes into the sink. Then, when the dishes finally need to be washed, they must be taken out of the sink anyway so that I have room to use the sink and the sponge.
Essentially, it just adds a step.
The second issue is that she basically wants me to help her with whatever she wants done, including things that are theoretically her chores. Then, once she can take a breath, she wants me to do the dishes. Basically, I need to do everything she does, plus the dishes, which seems unfair to me.
So, I still just do the dishes first whenever we are cleaning, even though she gets enraged about my priorities, saying that I don’t know how to clean and that I “only know how to do the dishes.” I just keep doing the dishes, though, because I think it’s a priority and I disagree with her assessment.
She thinks I’m selfish about prioritizing the “one thing I help with” and that it’s the least important chore.”
Another User Comments:
“So dishes should be done after you’re done with your meal, so if you have a pile of dishes to take care of right before company, I’m guessing you’re not exactly keeping up on your dishes.
To your point, however, I would want my dishes cleaned and put away for company. I don’t know why your wife thinks that’s not important. I would rather see life clutter than dirty dishes. I guess we are all different. Two people should be able to tackle a home easily enough, though.” anditurnedaround
Another User Comments:
“ESH. OP, I say this as someone who had an extremely parallel standoff with my (now ex, for what it’s worth) wife, even down to the chores involved. If, when you go to do coming tidy-up, there are enough dishes that it presents a problem, then you are behind on your chores.
If there is enough other stuff to do that your wife needs help with, she’s obviously behind on some things. But if the timeline for these things shifts, because the company’s coming or whatever, then what should happen is that everyone puts their strength into the tasks that need doing as they need doing.
She might be right about getting the living room and surfaces done first, so you help with that, but then she helps with dishes. As long as there is some balance there, that works. As for which chores should be prioritized, well, you’re at an impasse there.
I will tell you that doing what you want while she gets angry while you get angry at her for wanting you to do something else is a fool’s errand, and you should find some time, and maybe someone, to talk it out with.” rockology_adam
Another User Comments:
“ESH. She’s your partner, not your boss or foreman. Also, what the heck are y’all doing with your dishes that you have piles of them just sitting around dirty on the counters?! If you wash them as you go, then it’s a nothing task every time.
You both need to grow up (life isn’t fair), learn to communicate more effectively (you should be tackling chores as a team), and probably get some kind of chore chart so it stops being an ‘he said/she said’ issue. Y’all sound like my children when they were 12-year-olds.” yetzhragog
19. AITJ For Ditching My Chronically Late Friend And Leaving Him Stranded?
“I, 24M, have a friend from church, 34M, whose car was totaled last August. I have been helping him get around as much as I can ever since; I never once asked for gas money or anything. He has a problem with time management and is always late for just about everything.
I, on the other hand, am someone who is never ever late. There have been many instances where, due to his poor time management, he has made me late to many functions and gatherings, etc. I truly despise people who are always late; a few times here and there is fine, but being late for everything is just unacceptable in my book.
Nevertheless, I look past it because he’s a friend in need. He rents a car every now and again to make trips out of town (his work calls for such). I usually take him to pick up the rental car and take him back home when he returns it.
Last night, he wanted me to take him home after he returned the rental. I agreed. He tells me to meet him at a mall near my place, where we would then convoy to the rental dealer to return the car, and I would take him home afterward.
He tells me to meet him at the mall at 10:00 PM, but because the mall is close by and I know he’s always late, I stay home until I get a call from him at 11:00 PM — one hour later — telling me he is at the mall.
I drive to the mall and park where he said to meet him. I don’t see him, so I call his phone twice, text him three times, and get no response.
I wait five minutes, still with no response, so I go home. As soon as I get into my house, I receive a call from him asking where I am and saying that he left his phone in the rental and went to buy something in the mall.
I told him I went home. He doesn’t argue or anything; he just says thanks for coming and trying to help him out. I did not go back to help him; I left him to find his own way home. I’ve given him rides countless times before, but this time I was just fed up with him never respecting my time and not answering my calls when I left my home at 11:00 PM to help him out.
I’m not turning back on the decision; I stand by it, but I do feel kind of bad for just ditching him like that. Now tell me AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but I wonder where the context is here. He said thanks for coming and trying to help me out.
Is he upset with you, or are you just feeling bad for ditching him? Either way, you’re NTJ and you absolutely need to stop helping this guy out. He’s had since last AUGUST to figure this out.” tarahlynn
Another User Comments:
“Why feel bad? He needed a ride, and you committed to a time.
He didn’t need to run into the mall. He chose to. The polite thing would have been to call or text you. He opted not to. That’s on him. You’re not his personal Uber driver. Time for him to figure it out.” Upbeat_Vanilla_7285
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You don’t have to be that generous, even if this friend was on time. He has been without a car for six months, and that’s too long to expect somebody else to give him rides. Also, being chronically late, there’s no way I would keep giving him a ride.” ElmLane62
18. AITJ For Telling My Parents I Hope They Don't Have Another Child?
“I (18f) am living with my parents in their apartment along with 4 other siblings, the youngest being 2. Let me rewind a little for some context…
My family struggles so much because of debt and the challenge of keeping a roof over our heads while being well fed, partly because we have so many kids.
My parents fight or argue almost every day, usually because of bills and money problems in general; it gets so toxic that if my mom is mad at my dad, then she’s mad at all of us—even my 2-year-old sister. Just looking at any of us fills her with rage, and she tells all of us to just go to heck.
This forces me to take on a mom role and watch over my siblings because my mom doesn’t want to do anything for us when she’s angry.
The only time I ever see my parents even slightly happy is the day after they were intimate, and oh my, with our thin walls, you can hear everything in that room!
I finally had the courage a few months ago to complain once about the noise (I’ve been dealing with it for YEARS) and that it made me uncomfortable, especially considering my 2-year-old sister is in that same room. She told me that I needed to mind my own business.
I explained further that since my mom is allergic to all kinds of protection, it is very likely that she’s going to get pregnant and that it will mean even more money down the drain. Nope, she didn’t care. (Keep in mind they’re really against termination, so that wasn’t even an option in their book.)
Both of my parents work, so I usually have to take care of my siblings, especially the 2-year-old. This has driven me to drop out of school during my junior year because of the stress it put on me and my performance in school. Oh man, the drama that came with it was insane.
I was called a bunch of names and insults by my mom, such as lazy, slob, disappointment, brat, ungrateful, bad influence on my siblings, and even a jerk—just to name a few. Even when I explained my plans, saying I was going to get my GED and then go to a trade school, nope, they wanted me to go to college.
I explained to them that part of the reason they are in debt is because of their college debt! Woo, that got them even more mad.
The loud noises continue… continue… BOOM! My mom announces she’s expecting a baby. As soon as I heard that, I felt my body boiling and just snapped – basically telling them how horrible parents they are, how inconsiderate and selfish they are regarding our situation.
The yelling back and forth was just insane. I eventually told them that I hope the baby doesn’t make it for their own sake, and that I’m leaving this heckhole.
I’m planning to move in with my partner and continue my GED. Part of me feels so guilty about saying what I said and having in my mind that I’m leaving my siblings with these people, just like my older brother did to me (he’s 32 now).
I feel like crap, but I’m just so very tired of being a second mom to them and having to be the solution for my parents’ little accidents; I never had the chance to feel like a kid.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, your parents ARE horrible people, and you are drowning in their irresponsible actions for a long time.
You snapped, and you already feel guilty about saying what you did. Get out and live your life, you don’t owe them, and you cannot be a parent to another child that is not yours.” LadyWiezeI
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It was a terrible thing to say, but totally understandable.
Please leave the house ASAP and move in with your partner. Finish your GED and go to trade school. Do not feel bad about it. Your parents won’t learn if you keep helping them. Good luck with school x” Jumpy_Succotash_241
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
You need to get out of that heckhole now. Have you started applying for jobs? Please be careful with your partner because you haven’t had healthy relationships modeled for you, and you are at risk of entering into another toxic situation. Can he afford an apartment on his own?
Will you be living with roommates? Will you be expected to take on the caretaker role because you are female? Can your older brother help in any way? I’m so sorry you had to drop out of school due to your parents’ irresponsibility, and I hope you are able to complete your GED and get into trade school.
Hopefully, community colleges are free in your area.” cassowary32
17. AITJ For Refusing To Provide Surveillance Footage To My Nosy Neighbor?
“My neighbor from a few doors down purchased the house next door to me and is actively renovating it. They’ve been pretty respectful and so have I. I recently gave the owner my phone number after I saw a pretty extensive water leak from their renovation flowing into my driveway to the street.
Not a big deal, but obviously they would want to get that turned off immediately and repaired. I’m in construction and real estate, and recently had a similar leak from my house – so, being neighborly, I texted them a link to the part they needed to fix the specific issue.
Flash forward about a month later, Neighbor is texting me asking if I have surveillance footage of their renovation property, especially the outdoor breaker boxes. They referenced a two-week period during which a (now fired) contractor allegedly flipped a breaker that they weren’t supposed to (pool pump came and stayed on, ran dry, and burned out).
I immediately let them know that my surveillance system is not in any way aimed at their house, and I wouldn’t have a view of that. They asked again in pretty much the same words as if I hadn’t already replied. I did not feel so inclined to send them all sorts of camera screenshots that were none of their business, but I did send them two where her property line was just on the edge of the screen.
They replied with a zoomed portion of one of the pictures – maybe equated to less than 1% of the entire view – circling and drawing arrows all over it, and “this is the breaker box!” “Please send me pictures.”
Mind you, I already said “no” twice at this point.
I have not replied again since the last text, but for those not understanding the request: There is no “quick way” to watch 2 weeks of surveillance footage of a tiny zoomed-in 100×100 pixel area awaiting any type of movement – Your eyes would have to be on the screen the entire time.
This is very different than watching for something stolen or broken, where you can easily narrow it down. This is not a reasonable request, even from a neighbor on friendly terms, much less from a random acquaintance that I’ve spoken to maybe 5 times.
Aside: I manage property all over town, have a lot of surveillance systems, and have been asked MANY times for footage by police, neighbors, strangers, etc. Even the policy, when investigating a crime, does not ask for things that are obscure.
AITJ for not replying again, not saying no a third time, not explaining why, or not being willing to watch 2 weeks of video footage looking for a possible 5-60 second period of an extreme closeup?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but honestly… Your reasoning is something you can share with her upfront.
‘I’m sorry but this is a longer job and would require me to forward through XXX hours of video to catch something. I don’t have the time to do it ‘as a favour,’ but if you feel very strongly about getting this footage, I will do it for $20 an hour.
Let me know if it’s worth it to you to have the footage you are looking for. Or, can you ‘easily’ upload the entire 2 weeks and let them find it themselves? Either way, you are not a jerk for not wanting to spend hours of time to do it, and you should not feel out of place saying exactly that.
Everyone’s time has a price.” LiveKindly01
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It’s not a reasonable request. I work on computers and surveillance systems; when someone asks something like this, we tell them it will be billed at normal hourly rate, $149 per hour, 1 hour minimum to review footage.
In this case, paid 1-hour minimum beforehand. That’s not getting them what they want; that’s just to review footage, and if what they want is there, they will get a copy of footage only, for additional cost plus cost of flash drive. Most times it’s not worth $200+ for them for me to do it.” Savageasflux
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. But you made a couple of mistakes here: 1. Giving an excuse that could be challenged, versus simply saying ‘No, I will not be able to do that for you.’ 2. Providing any pictures at all. At this stage, say ‘No, I’ve provided all that I found and will not be able to provide anything else.
Please stop asking. And leave it at that.'” reluctanttowncaller
16. AITJ For Wanting An Apology For The Way My Twin's New Partner Mocked My Speech?
“I, F21, have a twin sister—let’s call her Jane.
Jane has recently gotten out of a relationship and started a new one, fair enough for her. I am single and happy due to past experience. Jane started talking on the phone to him 3 months ago. I tried to make him comfortable while she was talking to him.
Yesterday was the first time I met him in person at the pub. I was with my older sister and her friends, and I asked them not to do anything around him that he might find uncomfortable. They asked me if they could ask him to get them a drink, but I told them no. Anyway, he sat down and started talking to me.
We shook hands and engaged in a bit of small talk, etc.
I noticed a lump on his neck and secretly texted my sister asking if I could ask him about his lump and how he got it. She said no, so I agreed and didn’t ask any further questions about it.
After that, we started talking again. I said, “I’m going to the pictures with my friend to watch this new film called The Monkey.” This is where it took a turn. He started mocking me for the way I said “The Monkey,” and it really made me feel a bit insecure and angry because my twin sister had heard it, and she knows I’m insecure about it because I did go to speech therapy, but did not finish it when it got shut down.
I tried to let it slide, but it hurt me. Then they brought up the topic of going to watch Moana 2, and I felt sad because my twin had promised me that we would watch it together months ago, but we haven’t gotten around to doing it together.
I asked her in front of him, “Are you actually going to watch it without me?” She said, “I promise I won’t do that,” and then he said, “Nah, she will watch it with me.” He was constantly winding me up, even though it was the first time we were meeting, so I had enough of him mocking me and winding me up without apologizing.
I sent a text to Jane (my twin sister) telling her how upset I was that he made fun of me and no one else, and that I would like an apology. I did not talk to him about how he was upsetting me, as I felt it might make him comfortable, and I thought it would be best if my sister took him aside and said, “I think you should apologize.” Anyway, after I sent that text, she told me he’s just trying to fit in, that’s all.
I texted her again, telling her how it still made me feel, even if he was “trying to fit in.” She ignored my text, so I left, told everyone I was going to the toilet, and walked home. She then came back after spending the night at his place and told me how ridiculous it was that he was just trying to fit in, and that I walking home had put the spotlight on me.
I told her I felt it was the best course of action because I did not want to argue with him or make him feel uncomfortable, as he had done to me. I spoke to other people about it, and they told me that I should have just confronted him and that it was degrading.
But Jane is persistent that I was in the wrong and that “he just wanted to fit in.” AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I’m sorry, the fact that she claims he’s trying to ‘fit in’ suggests either your group is mean to you regularly or he thinks being mean to people is a normal part of socializing, which it is not, to be clear.
The worst part is this sounds like pigtail pulling to me, which would take this from unkind to gross. Meet his energy, maybe. Be as mean to him as he is to you, and tell your sister you’re fitting in. ETA: or just avoid him, actually.
That’s better—just don’t agree to hang out with him again. ETA 2: He’s 31???? Noooo. Avoid. Avoid, avoid, avoid.” dryadduinath
Another User Comments:
“This actually irritates me a little. I don’t know where y’all live, but making fun of speech impediments is horrible in any context.
I really don’t understand how he’s ‘fitting in?’ That’s a stupid excuse, and I agree that you should talk to him. He has to be mentally 9 or 10 to just make fun of someone for their way of speaking. Especially with how careful and polite you were around him, you should expect the same in return.
I’m not entirely sure what to do, but honestly, tell your sister what would happen if you made fun of him and how he would probably feel bad.” Practical-Oil2376
Another User Comments:
“There are two types of people who will read/respond to this post. The ones who read it and judge you for the spelling/grammar and how you approached the social setting yourself and blast you for it… The other type will realize there are some learning needs and social ‘disabilities’ going on here, and you did the best you could with what you had.
Firstly, I want to tell you to ignore the first kind. They also need to learn/be reminded of certain social situations, and that not everyone functions and reads the room as they do. They want to take a bit of their own advice. In answer to your question… NTJ.
You were self-aware enough to seek advice from your sister to help make certain her partner was comfortable, and you didn’t overstep any boundaries. He, or your sister, didn’t extend the same courtesy to you despite letting your sister know it was upsetting you.” BeyondMidnightDreams
15. AITJ For Canceling My Graduation Dinner Because My Friend Invited Extra Guests?
“So I recently graduated from my master’s program, and my family and friends have been talking about celebrating.
As I’ve gotten older, I’m much more reserved and don’t enjoy big parties for myself. I feel like every time I have one, I end up being disappointed, so I’d rather do something small or not at all. I only invited 4 people to my graduation and told them I just wanted to go out to dinner.
Fast forward a few days, it slips that my partner and friend planned a night out to celebrate. At first, I was excited as I thought it was just a few of us, but it ended up being nearly 10+ people. My partner tells me my friend invited not only some of her family, but a couple of her friends.
Now I’ve known these people for over 15 years and typically wouldn’t have an issue with this, but my family wasn’t even invited. And furthermore, her friends aren’t really my friends. I’ve known them for a long time, but I only see/talk to them when it’s one of her get-togethers.
A few weeks ago, they had a girls’ night out and didn’t invite me, which hurt since I had mentioned several times how I’d love to have a girls’ night out with them (it’s been a while). I
t feels like I wasn’t considered when it came to their night out, but my celebration, everyone and their mother is invited. On top of this, one of these friends had said some things a while ago that really bothered me and honestly offended me, but I didn’t say anything to our mutual friend because it wasn’t the time and place.
But she was invited to my celebration. It turned into a big to-do when all I wanted was a small dinner with my family. On top of this, my partner had asked everyone to chip in about $20 for this reservation, and everyone paid except my friend and her family/friends.
I can’t help but feel some type of way about this and am not sure how to bring up the conversation without coming off like a jerk. I feel guilty, but at the same time, I feel like my friend was overstepping. I ended up canceling and telling my friend it just wasn’t what I wanted. Am I overreacting?”
Another User Comments:
“Sounds like you need to brush up on the definition of ‘friend’. Someone who arranges the party THEY want and ignores the celebrant’s wishes isn’t what I’d call a friend. You stated you want a small gathering with your family. “Friend” hasn’t invited your family.
NTJ.” HMS_Slartibartfast
Another User Comments:
“Can I encourage you to still do something? Just with three or four of your friends, like you were originally intending? My own opinion is that if you weren’t going to enjoy it, then by all means, cancel it.
However, you also need to consider if you are offending the person who, in good faith, organised it for you. Make sure you talk to them and clear the air.” No-Throat-8885
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You wanted an intimate celebration for your achievement, and it was becoming an all-nighter with people who didn’t even invite you to a casual girls’ night out.
I would reject that too. Good for you for reinforcing your boundaries by not going along with something that wouldn’t feel good for you. Hopefully, your partner will learn to enforce them on your behalf when planning for you in the future. I would encourage you to still plan your intimate dinner and don’t let this cloud your night.
You earned your celebration, and you deserve to be celebrated on your terms. If that upsets anyone, oh well. They did not complete your coursework with you, so it’s not your concern.” Rough_Rush7914
14. AITJ For Bringing Up My Partner's Favoritism Toward His Eldest Daughter?
“I (35f) and my partner (33m) both have children from previous relationships. I have one son (12m) and he has two daughters (7f & 10f). We’ve been together for a little over a year and are talking about moving in together over the summer. Overall, things have been great, and I adore his kids.
They often come over on weekends and have sleepovers since all the kids get along so well. They are pretty cool and well-behaved, but they act up occasionally as kids do. He’s a good dad and has 50/50 custody, though he often has them more than that.
There’s just one thing that really bothers me, and it’s getting hard for me to ignore. It has become increasingly clear to me that his eldest daughter is his favorite. Some examples: 7f will ask to play a game on his computer, and he’ll say no. Minutes later, 10f will ask, and he might hesitate but will ultimately say yes.
7f is expected to do things she doesn’t want if it’s something 10f wants to do, but 10f is rarely expected to do something she doesn’t want. I’m fine with making them compromise, as you can’t please everyone, but it seems like 7f often has her desires sidelined. 7f sometimes gets in trouble for things for which she wouldn’t normally be in trouble.
Also, 10f does not often get in trouble for things in general. There are times when I’ve watched them while my partner is at work, and they’re usually fine, but I am much firmer when it comes to parenting. 10f will literally refuse to compromise with the other kids and gets upset when I intervene and tell her she needs to play fair and stop trying to make them do what she wants all the time.
Now I know he loves both of them so much, and he does show 7f lots of affection. I think some of this does have to do with divorce guilt, since 10f is the one who really remembers and was most affected by the divorce.
But obviously, if I can tell that he favors 10f, I’m positive 7f must feel it as well. I’m also pretty sure she has ADHD, and my partner may be subconsciously treating his eldest better because she’s “easier” (ADHD runs in my family, and even my mom has asked if 7f has it).
WIBTJ if I brought up how he favors his eldest daughter?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ for bringing it up, but I think the key will be fully in how it’s executed. I think it will be important to phrase things in terms of observable behaviors and seek understanding of his thought process, which may help him to possibly see what he is doing.
It’s possible he doesn’t even realize it. I think it’s worth doing as this type of behavior can cause long-term consequences for all of the children, so it’s better to try to begin working through it now.” Sad_Hold_2818
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. But be delicate.
The 7 yo isn’t your child, and you haven’t moved in together or blended your families yet. You may run up against a streak of denial or defensiveness that might derail things. After all, he could pull the ‘she’s not your kid’ card. On the other hand, if the 7 yo is beginning to notice this, you can be a powerful advocate for her, and you have no idea how much it can mean to her to know she has an adult in her corner.” bamf1701
Another User Comments:
“Execution is imperative here. If you bring it up and come off sanctimonious or judgmental, it could be incredibly detrimental to both your relationship with the kids and your SO’s relationship with you. NTJ, but… hooboy, tread carefully, OP.” kaleidoscope_view
13. AITJ For Waking My Friend Up And Causing Her Anxiety With My Swearing?
“For context, my name is Ray, and I admit, I do have a lot of issues with my language.
My friend “A” has expressed that she is not comfortable with swearing, and I have accepted that, and I have not sworn around her since.
On the bus, I had a good few friends and people to talk to, and obviously I would talk to them.
A was also on the same bus as me and would sit near me. I swear a lot, so obviously, while talking to my friends, I would incorporate that into my sentences. On this particular day, I will agree that I WAS swearing a lot, but at the time, I didn’t even realize it as it just slipped out of my mouth.
A’s stop was coming up very soon, and she would fall asleep a lot on the bus, so I looked to see if she was awake. She wasn’t, so I woke her up by lightly shaking her back to get her conscious. My stop is right before A’s stop, so I get home before her.
I walk in through the door, and I’m just chilling on my couch watching a movie when I get a message from my group chat, including my friend group, that says something along the lines of “Due to a toxic relationship I am removing myself from this group, I hope you guys (more specifically Ray) won’t be rude and spread rumours.
If P (one of my friends in the group) wants to be friends with Ray, I’m perfectly fine with that, and I’m not gonna force people to stop interacting with him, goodbye.”
Obviously, I am confused, and I was thinking this was about how I woke her up on the bus.
I continue to tell her, “If this is about how I woke you up on the bus, then sorry. I genuinely have never spread a rumour about you or anyone in my life and don’t plan on it. The only thing I can understand is you being mad at me for waking you up on the bus, and again, I’m sorry for that.
It would be great if you could elaborate on exactly WHAT I did so I can try and fix it.”
She responds by saying, “What you mostly did was swear, which made me very uncomfortable and anxious. Therefore, I’m no longer friends with you.”
Mind you, she sent these messages on my mother’s phone, and I was responding on her phone because my mother was confused, and so was I.
I respond with, “If you aren’t comfortable with my vocabulary, then maybe not being my friend is a good decision. You’ve known from the start of our friendship that I have issues with my vulgar language, and it just slides out of my mouth. If you find that ‘rude’ of me, then that is a you problem, and I suggest you work on that.”
I then tell her I’m sorry for anything I may have done and send her a picture of my contact information, following with “If you would like to have a conversation about this and maybe work it out, then add this contact.” I sent her a message from my phone, basically summing up my points and my perspective on the situation, so that she may pipe down.
She proceeds to leave me on read, and I haven’t heard from her since.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. What gets me is her oh so kind allowance that her other friend can remain friends with you. Rolls eyes. Spineless, oh so tender-eared one can’t even speak up with a tiny, ‘Could you maybe tone it down, please?
It makes me anxious because XYZ. Thanks.’ Self-appointed language police. Screw ’em. If I had known she was like that prior to her jumping ship, not only would I have sworn even more, employing a broad English cultural base as well as more esoteric words she wouldn’t comprehend, but I’d have gone all grammar cop on her every time she opened her mouth just to show her she didn’t even have command of the language.” User
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here, but some immaturity on both sides. She finds you unpleasant to be around, so she doesn’t want to hang out with you anymore. Fair. You have no desire to change your behavior, or reason to. Also fair. As for the immaturity, she didn’t need to announce her departure and make a public thing of it.
And you didn’t need to play games with this ‘well, if you don’t like it, we shouldn’t be friends’ and then trying to get her to ‘work things out.’ There’s nothing to work out. You correctly stated you shouldn’t be friends. Leave her be.”User
12. AITJ For Not Telling My Principal About My Interview Until I Got The Offer?
“I am a teacher overseas at an international school, and I’ve become friends with a few of my coworkers, one of whom is the principal. In the country I work in, we get a four-week vacation at the beginning of the year for Lunar New Year.
I have worked at this school for nearly four years, and I had every intention of continuing into a fifth year, so I thought I would receive and sign my new contract over the holiday.
Before the holiday, I was asked by another school if I was interested in a position (my dream job) in one of the coolest suburbs of one of the largest cities in the world.
I thought I would shoot my shot and apply, thinking “carpe diem.” I got an interview and accepted, not thinking I would get the job. I didn’t tell the principal because I didn’t want to make a big deal of it, and I didn’t want him to worry that I was necessarily going anywhere.
Regardless of our friendship, I also thought my employer was on a need-to-know basis.
I had the interview on the Sunday after the holiday began, and it went really well. Incredibly well. But they wanted a reference from my current principal, so I agreed to talk to the principal and give him a heads up.
The principal was already in another country, so I sent him a message on WhatsApp, informing him what had happened and asking for a reference. He agreed to give one.
The next day, I checked my email, expecting to find a time for a second interview, but instead I received a job offer.
I took a lot of time to consider my answer. I weighed all the positives and negatives, and I talked it out with my bff and partner over the phone for many hours, but I kept coming back to wanting to take this new opportunity.
I was afraid to share the news with my close work friends. I knew they’d be sad, and I didn’t want to let anyone down. I also didn’t want to share the news over WhatsApp, but we were scattered around the world, and I felt I had to because a higher-up had approached me about it.
The principal never replied to my message.
Nearly three weeks have passed, and I’m now back at work. When I tried to apologize for breaking the news over text, he cut me off and said “We would have a discussion about it later.” I was a little taken aback because I didn’t feel there was a discussion to have, and I felt like I was getting into trouble.
In this discussion, I was told that I should have informed him prior to the holiday and that I was a jerk for not doing so. He said that when I did it over text, it was as if he were receiving a “break-up text.” I tried to explain that when I did that, I thought I was giving him notice with eight months to find a replacement and putting the company’s interests first. I also explained that I didn’t really know this would happen before we left for vacation, and that I only knew I had an interview.
He said I should have told him that I had an interview. In this conversation, my character was attacked on a personal basis, and I feel terrible. Am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ It’s a job. You are allowed to move to other jobs.
You’ve given them ample notice. I would also not mention I had an interview to my boss until I knew the outcome and nor would any sane person. His reaction seems extreme. I get that you are (or were?) friends, and his expectations sound as though he’s upset from that perspective rather than the professional standpoint.
You have not, as far as I can see, done anything wrong.” RevRos
Another User Comments:
“NTJ—dude is acting like you ghosted him after a first date when you literally gave eight months’ notice. Jobs aren’t relationships, and you don’t owe your boss a play-by-play of your career moves before anything is even certain.
If anything, he should be happy for you, not making you feel guilty for leveling up. The “break-up text” comment is wild… sir, you are not my partner.” carrissa_
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Obviously, you couldn’t have guessed it using I-Ching or due to your feng shui.
Mate’s acting like you had a crystal ball tucked away. You gave plenty of notice, and it’s not like you owed them a play-by-play of your job hunt. Sounds like he’s just salty you’re off to better things.” ruyrybeyro
11. AITJ For Getting Mad Over My Partner's Shy Cat's Poop Incident?
“I (29F) have been seeing this dude (31M) for about half a year. He has two very furry cats who love to cuddle in bed and on the sofa with us. One is very shy and timid, whereas the other is a little goofball. This story involves the shy little lady.
So I slept at his place from Saturday to Sunday this weekend and woke up in the middle of the night when I felt the shy cat snuggling up at the top of my head. “Aw, nice,” I thought to myself, since she is usually a little bit afraid of me.
But then I smelled the distinctive smell of cat poop. I thought it was coming from the litter box, thought nothing of it, and fell back to sleep.
The following morning, we noticed that there was cat poop on his bag, which made me check the cats to see if there was anything stuck on any of them – and I saw a bit of poop, roughly the size of a penny, stuck in the shy cat’s fur.
I pointed that out to him while feeling absolutely disgusted that the cat might have cuddled up in my hair with poop in her fur. He said that he would try to get it out, but that it would probably be hard since she usually struggles when you’re trying to groom her.
I told him to just get a pair of scissors and snip it away before she could react, but he insisted that it would be very hard and he didn’t want to scare her. I was like, “Okay, he will probably fix it when I’ve left and she feels less scared,” and left it at that.
Today (two days later), I asked him how it went, and he told me he hadn’t gotten rid of it all yet because “it’s easier to get it out when it’s dry.” Now, you might think the cat is so shy that you can’t even touch her without her running away—but she’s not.
I’ve petted her multiple times, and she is 100% comfortable with him, so I can’t see how he hasn’t just cut it off already. It might be worth mentioning that I have an unreasonable fear of germs and bacteria, so I freaked the heck out.
I told him it was disgusting and that I probably won’t visit him for a while, since the chance of cat poop being literally everywhere by now is big. He says that I’m overreacting and it isn’t such a big deal, but I proceed to tell him that it’s a major red flag for me and that I think it’s messed up to let the whole apartment get smears of cat poop everywhere.
So, AITJ for possibly overreacting to him not cleaning up his shy cat’s poop after two days?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I have fluffy cats and one, a similarly shy, scaredy cat, sometimes gets dingleberries. It is gross. If I am not sorting it out, I deserve to be shamed a little bit.
I’d get his point if it were a cat that is horrified by contact or that becomes extremely aggressive. But if it’s a cat that, although shy, can still be handled by him — yeh, he should snip that fur a bit. He should try to work out how to do it in as comfortable a way as possible for the cat, but he should still be working on sorting it out.
Toxoplasmosis anyone? (Cat needs to HAVE toxoplasmosis, but anyway.) Pet poop shouldn’t be getting spread all over.” Catracas
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It’s definitely a red flag. A neglectful pet owner is not going to magically become more thoughtful and willing to put effort in when it’s their partner that needs help.
Having a pet means taking responsibility for their care, health, and happiness. He is showing you the kind of partner that he is willing to be, and that is one who will do the bare minimum. I bet if you look elsewhere, you will see other behaviors that make this into a pattern.
Look long and hard before escalating any further with this dude.” thoracicbunk
Another User Comments:
“That’s so gross. My cat got a poop stuck on her butt just a few days ago and I immediately grabbed her and cleaned her (I got 3 scratches but her booty is FRESH) while my husband cleaned everything we knew she had sat on.
It was 10 pm and we were tired but like… Who wants to live in a poopy home? It was nasty and I hated doing it, she hated it being done, but she forgave me and now I call her princess poopy pants. It’s part of life with pets, dealing with their messes and making sure they are clean and cared for, you are NTJ for having a firm stance on that.” Korsola
10. AITJ For Moving Out Of A Shared Apartment To Escape A Micromanaging Housemate?
“I (M25) moved into a private room in a shared apartment with my now-former housemate, Julie (F26). She was kind and accommodating at first, but it quickly became clear our personalities clashed. I hoped we’d both handle it maturely, but Julie became controlling and temperamental. She criticized me on minor things, like when I vacuumed and put the floor cushions back in place, and she accused me of lying about it despite the clean carpet.
Her biggest blowup was over how I washed dishes. She said I was too slow and destroying the environment. Despite explaining I didn’t like how she rushed and left food bits on plates, but that I would make an effort to shut off the faucet more often, she accused me of “weaponizing my incompetence.” This really hurt because I already struggle with feelings of incompetence.
When she got upset, I’d remove myself until things calmed down. Eventually, she’d give a “sorry, but I’m right” not-apology.
Julie also made me uncomfortable by kicking me out of the living room when she didn’t like what I was watching and forbidding me from having anyone over, even mutual friends.
She later allowed me to have guests in my room, but I thought I was renting a private room in a shared apartment, not just a room with no access to shared spaces.
It felt infantilizing. I’m quiet and reasonably clean, but it was never enough.
I started avoiding the shared spaces, like I did as a kid watching TV in the living room, until I heard the garage door opening.
My new therapist suggested I might be in an “unsafe” environment, which I found a bit dramatic, but it made me realize I shouldn’t tolerate this behavior.
After also hearing some horror stories from Julie’s previous housemate, I decided to move in with my partners, whose apartment had become a safe haven for me. I told Julie I wanted to move out, and she had a meltdown, kicked me out for the night, and called me names.
I felt guilty, but I packed my things and left.
I offered to pay an extra month’s rent and help find a replacement housemate, but Julie changed her mind, saying she didn’t want anyone else moving in. I’ve been trying to send potential renters her way, but she hasn’t contacted any.
Now, I fear she expects me to pay double rent until July, but I can’t afford that.
I feel conflicted. I tried to be fair by offering help, but I still feel guilty for leaving her in a tough spot. My friends say I’m doing the right thing, and even some of my friends are relieved I moved out, but I still feel bad.
AITJ for moving out? WIBTJ for only paying her one extra month regardless of whether she takes on a new housemate?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your roommate is crazy. You offered to look for a renter, but she didn’t follow up on the leads you gave her.
Now you’re DONE. Like, don’t think about this one more minute. And don’t pay one cent more than the extra month’s rent. Who cares if she won’t be able to pay the rent by herself? You’re an occupant, not a tenant.” Aware_Welcome_8866
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If you are not even on the lease, then you shouldn’t have to explain yourself, and you are not financially obligated to any terms regarding breaking the lease. It seems like your roommate is taking advantage of the fact that you are not even on the lease and have no recourse over the way you say they treat you.” RogueLitePumpkin
9. AITJ For Closing My Roommate's Window And Allegedly Trapping His Cat?
“I moved into a house two months ago. I have a very rude and reclusive roommate, and we never communicate. He never leaves his bedroom.
It is winter where I live right now (20/40 degree days/nights), and my roommate leaves his window open all day and night while also blasting the heat at over 70 degrees. He also removed the screen from his window the day after I moved in and was never honest about why, nor did he reinstall it.
Long story short – my roommate leaves the house for the weekend and leaves the window open. It’s right next to the front door, so after a day, I closed the window from the outside of the house; I didn’t think anything of it. He returns Sunday night, goes into his room, comes out and snaps at me not to go into his room or close his window, and then goes back in.
I text him saying, “I didn’t go in your room; I closed it from the outside, just trying to save power.”
Then things got worse. He comes back out, belligerently angry this time, gets in my face, and tells me that because I shut the window, I locked a street cat in his room for three days, and it left crap and pee everywhere in the room.
I don’t know the extent of the damage. He yells at me anytime I try to speak.
I just kept trying to ask him, “How the heck was I supposed to know you were keeping a stray cat in your room when you never once told me?” I asked him if the landlord knew about this, but he just dodged the question and kept calling me slurs.
He said that because he was planning on moving in two weeks (news to me and the landlord, by the way), he didn’t feel the need to tell anyone about the cat.
Eventually, I kind of lost my patience and said, “This is your fault.
You should not have been keeping a stray cat in the house without anyone’s knowledge, you should not have removed the screen from your window, and it’s not unreasonable for me to close your window during the dead of winter when you aren’t even here.”
The landlord called me today. My roommate apparently left them a long voicemail saying that I had gone into his room and rearranged his stuff (not true), that a random cat just got into his room this once (not true), and that I shut his window with the cat inside his room.
He claimed that his stuff and the carpet are now trashed, and I blamed him for everything. I am worried that he will retaliate by trashing my stuff when I’m not there, or maybe take me to court for the damage to his stuff.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Does the landlord pay the utility bills? If so, inform them that your roomie leaves the window open constantly, while blasting the heat, and that’s how the cat got in there. That as far as you know, the cat might be in that room all the time.” OkeyDokey654
Another User Comments:
“It’s not your fault that happened. It’s entirely his, and he’s an irresponsible jerk. Poor cat. NTJ. But I would get ahead of this and write a professional email to your landlord explaining your position. Keep it concise, because it’ll highlight how irrational he’s behaving.
“I apologize for the behavior of [roommate]. I closed his window from the outside while he was away for the sake of heating and security. I was not informed there was a cat in our apartment, and I would not have permitted it without prior approval had I known.” You don’t need to mention his otherwise crazy behavior, because it isn’t relevant to the story unless he asks for details.
I hope it resolves itself soon. That sounds so frustrating.” FlaxFox
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Why the heck does anybody believe a roommate who’s already lying about everything else when he says that this is a stray cat? It’s his cat, there’s no way it isn’t his cat – it didn’t make any noise because it lives there, and because the roommate left food and water for it, expecting that it would still come in and out the window to go to the bathroom.
Which is why Op didn’t even see the cat when he closed the window from the outside – it was asleep in the room where it always is when it doesn’t need to go to the bathroom… And like any other cat that gets accidentally locked in a room with food and water, but no litter box, it didn’t care—because that’s where it lives…” KrofftSurvivor
8. AITJ For Using An Accessible Stall When My IBS Was Acting Up?
“Some background…I have IBS and had a nasty cold last week.
The doctor gave me tons of medication that gave me diarrhea. I work at a college and all of the buildings are connected by corridors or breezeways.
The bathroom in question is in a building built in 1967 and does have one accessible stall out of three, but the entrance door is not wide enough to be wheelchair accessible.
There are two signs on either side of the restroom entrance stating “Handicapped Accessible Bathrooms in X Building,” directing people who need accommodation to the next building (connected by an indoor corridor). It does not say “wheelchair” accessible but “handicapped” accessible. Also, within 20 feet of this particular restroom is a staff/faculty restroom with a keypad that is a single fully accessible restroom.
On Monday, I went back to work after missing the last three days of the week because I was so sick. I was still feeling a little tired, and my stomach was bothering me, but I had to get back. On my way to the office, it was clear that the cold meds were at war with my stomach.
I got into work, took my coat off, fired up my computer, and then had to make my way to the bathroom, which meant I had to walk to another building and go down two long corridors. In the first corridor, there was an older woman whom I did not know, using a walker, and it looked like she was non-weight-bearing on her left foot.
It was just her and me in the corridor, and I walked past her, with plenty of space on her left because I urgently needed to use the bathroom. This corridor had entrances to half a dozen classrooms and a student lounge.
I got to the end of the corridor, made a left turn onto another corridor, and ducked into the bathroom.
There was someone in the middle stall, and the first open stall was the accessible one, so I ran into it and was relieved to have made it in time. I didn’t take the time to see if there was anyone else in the other stall.
I was sick.
A couple of minutes went by, and I heard rattling coming from the restroom and on my stall door, an exasperated expression, and then someone loudly saying, “You know, if you have a choice, you shouldn’t use the handicapped stall!” So, I took a beat and said in a monotone, “I am sorry, I am sick, I had no choice; I will be done in a moment.” I finished a bit more quickly than I should have, and even though there was a sink in the stall, I washed my hands at the other sinks.
I don’t know if this older woman was faculty or staff, but if she was, she passed the single fully accessible bathroom. The college also doesn’t consider the restroom in question a handicapped-accessible restroom. I was also in the middle of a big old IBS flare.
I handed over the (somewhat stinky) stall as soon as humanly possible. Was I the jerk for using the stall in the first place? How was I supposed to know she was heading to the restroom?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Accessible restrooms are just that: accessible.
Not exclusive. If there were someone waiting for that restroom and you cut in line, that would be completely different. HTH, would that person know if you were disabled? Presumably, the door was closed? Not all disabilities are visible.” CheeseMakingMom
Another User Comments:
“Being accessible does not imply exclusive use.
I would have been snarky and replied, “When I came in, this was the only open stall, and if I had waited, I would have had a blowout all over the floor, which would shut this entire bathroom down to everyone as a medical waste hazard.
IBS is a disability that sometimes needs immediate accommodation. Have a nice day.”” Sharontoo
Another User Comments:
“Last I checked, the accessible bathroom stalls are not like the disabled parking spots where it’s illegal to park in them without a permit. Anyone can use an accessible stall.
They’re just designed to be accessible to people who require mobility aids. There’s no sign on them saying “Disabled use only.” NTJ” Dana07620
7. AITJ For Expecting My Fiancé To Pause His Mom's Calls During Movies?
“He is foreign, his mom is in his home country.
They talk for hours. I understand because I love my mom too, but I do get a little jealous because regardless of whether we’re having a deep convo or in the middle of some kind of quality time, when she calls, it’s basically disregarding what I’m saying or what we are doing.
So I’ve made a point not to talk about much or do anything with him until after she calls.
But last night we were watching a movie that I really wanted to see, and she called. He apparently felt that he didn’t need to leave the room or pause the movie while he talked loudly with her through the whole 2+ hour movie.
I gave him looks and didn’t think I needed to say anything, as I wasn’t trying to be rude, since it would be common sense to go outside, pause the movie, or go in the other room until he was done. He’s gotten the hint before and gone to another room, but last night, no. & Anytime I’m on the phone, I go to the other room.
So, when I mentioned it after the movie, he blew up like I had a problem with him talking to his mom, even when I tried to explain it was just the principle and a lack of common sense or courtesy. He said it’s not my business, and if he wants to talk to her until he falls asleep, he will.
I had to reiterate that I don’t care if he talks to her or for how long—just go in the other room or pause the movie. So we go our separate ways; he mumbles nonsense under his breath and speaks when I’ve left the room to go to bed.
We haven’t talked or had contact—not even eye contact—since last night, slept on completely opposite sides of the bed with not even a toe touching, and he didn’t even kiss me goodbye for work. I know he probably thinks I’m wrong and I’m the problem and he did nothing wrong, so.”
Another User Comments:
“You sure you want to marry him? Does he talk to his mom every day? If it’s daily, that’s too much; if he talks to her for two hours once a week, that makes sense. It sounds like his mom has priority and not you.
He was rude to not go in the other room, you’re NTJ. Editing to add: can he pre-set up a time to talk to her? Say they talk every Sunday at 2 pm, this way she’s not interrupting what you’re doing, it’s planned.” HorseygirlWH
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. As you pointed out, he should’ve left the room to have his conversation. What he did was thoughtless and rude, and it would not have been ‘rude’ of you to pause the movie yourself and communicate with WORDS that he should go elsewhere since you were going to keep watching the movie.
As for his long conversations with his mom in general…. It really depends on frequency, and if there are extenuating circumstances going on with his family back home. If this is nothing more than an ordinary phone call…. then yes, he has a ‘problem’. It is only a ‘harmless’ habit or character issue—like any other addiction—right up until it starts causing real life problems—which NOW it is.
You are not wrong about the ‘rudeness’ of how it played out last night, but you also need to have a second conversation—distinct and separate from last night’s problem—about his phone etiquette in general. It doesn’t matter if it’s his mom or someone else—because his behavior is affecting your relationship—and it’s not going to change unless you talk to him about it.” TrainingDearest
Another User Comments:
“Oh God, please do not marry this man. Unless you want her on the honeymoon with you… Probably in the bed between you. This is not about me talking during a movie. This is about a crazily insane, unhealthy attachment of an adult man to his mother.
She will always, always be absolutely number one in his life. Are you okay with that? There are mama’s boys, but this guy is a Mama’s boy ULTRA. And it’s not going to change.” LawyerDad1981
6. AITJ For Not Telling My Ex To Wait Outside At Family Events?
“I am a 42F. I have been seeing my partner, 34M for a year and a half. Being 9+ years older, sometimes I think we have a maturity gap. I have been separated from my ex-husband 45M for 3 1/2 years.
We were together for 20 years. My ex and I are on good terms; we co-parent well. Usually my ex picks up my son every weekend. This weekend we had plans to attend a quinceañera. My partner, my 6-year-old, and my adult daughter, with my ex.
I asked my ex if it was okay for me to take my son with me so he wouldn’t miss out. My ex said, “Sure, no problem.” He could pick up my son from the party and just keep him on Sunday, basically.
Long story short, my ex picked up my son at 11 PM at the end of the party.
He walked inside the hall by the back door where he entered and was there for maybe 5 minutes total to pick up my son. He did say hello to a couple of people, but in no way made a scene that he was there. My partner was angry.
He said I should have told my ex to wait outside the hall. He said that I should always walk my son outside. AITJ? I didn’t invite him in; I just said where we were at. To be clear, the only one who made a scene was my partner.
It was a big scene. He basically ruined the rest of the night over it. He wouldn’t talk to me all day.
On Easter, we had a similar situation. We went to a party at my aunt’s house. My ex picked up my son and came to the door.
My family let him inside, and he made the rounds inside saying hello. My partner was again angry with me. I tried to tell him that my family isn’t rude and wouldn’t treat someone badly just because we didn’t work out. I wouldn’t expect my partner’s family to treat his BM badly either.
He thinks that because I knew he was angry on Easter over the situation, I should have done more to prevent this from happening. Is it customary for the ex to wait outside? Not come to the door? Wait for the child to be brought out?
Or is this a sign of insecurity from my partner?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ You’re correct in a maturity gap, as this is extremely immature. Your ex isn’t doing anything beyond pleasantries, and it’s not like he’s coming in and stealing the spotlight. Basically, what you and your ex are doing is extremely mature and adult, and what I’d expect civil exes who co-parent to do.
What your partner wants is for your ex to feel ostracized and othered. He wants to be the one inside with the party while your ex waits on the steps, not allowed inside. This is for high schoolers, not 30-somethings.” DragoBrokeMe
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
You have a mature, working, no-drama co-parenting relationship with your ex. That is wonderful. The drama llama you’re seeing doesn’t understand that? Would he prefer you guys live in hostility forevermore? He needs to deal with his own feelings and leave you out of it.
His resentment and immaturity is his own to deal with.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Definitely a maturity gap. Your partner is incredibly insecure and needs to understand that this is the father of your children. It is great that you both are behaving so well with each other.
There are going to be a lot of moments in your kids’ lives that you will want to be part of. It makes your kids’ lives so much better being able to have both parents there. The whole, ‘I can’t be at the wedding because he/she is there; who gets to go to the graduation; which parent will be at my birthday; who will be at the hospital to meet the grandchild first,’ is wiped away when parents get along.
Your partner needs to get with the program, be polite, and understand your ex may be anywhere your kids are. If he doesn’t, continue on the path you have with your ex without the immature, insecure little boy.” Odd-End-1405
5. AITJ For Snapping At Delivery People Over Constant Incorrect Buzzing?
“So basically, the title. I am located in a big-ish city and live in a four-story brownstone with each floor being its own apartment. The basement apartment is considered apartment number 1, the “first floor” is apartment 2, I am on what is considered the second floor, yet my apartment number is number 3.
I believe the numbering is apparently controlled by the city, or at the very least, I know it is not controlled by the tenants.
Anyway, I work from home now, and I am constantly buzzed by my neighbors. There is no intercom for me to communicate with whoever is at the door buzzing, so my only choices are to go downstairs and answer the door, or blindly let in whoever is ringing the bell.
I am a female living alone (all other tenants are single men, very nice guys). One time, someone blindly buzzed someone in, and it turned out to be some seriously sketchy people who refused to leave until I had to call the cops. It was horrible; I had just gotten out of the shower, still in a robe, and people I didn’t know were banging on my door, claiming they were from the electric company.
Thankfully, I quickly realized this was crap and shut the door to my apartment; however, they remained in the stairwell for almost an hour, saying they didn’t want to leave because it was cold outside – which, for full context, it was incredibly cold outside.
But I was scared, and I just feel like I pay so much money in rent, and I don’t want three people in our stairwell.
I am constantly incorrectly buzzed. When I say constantly, I mean on average three times a day, at all hours.
It’s 9 p.m. at night, and I just got buzzed. The doorbells are marked in red permanent marker in an attempt to resolve this recurring issue, but nothing has changed. AITJ for being snippy to the FedEx/Amazon/food delivery people who constantly do this?
The FedEx gentleman is a regular offender, and I have begged him to stop, but he always brushes me off. Am I overreacting and need to let it go, or pick my battles?
Side note – I sometimes just ignore it if it is only one buzz, but it is usually three to five buzzes while I’m holding Zoom meetings, eating dinner, or just trying to have peace in my private space.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Can you just get the buzzer changed to one with a light? The ones used for the hearing impaired. Usually, you get a notification via text or email if a package is due to arrive, so you only need to be aware of those days.” Future-Bread7179
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – if you know you’re not expecting any guests, don’t go downstairs when you are buzzed. The situation that already occurred is one of the worst-case scenarios, and it could’ve been worse. Is there a way to disconnect the buzzer?
If not, you need to speak to your landlord.” ButterflyDestiny
4. AITJ For Refusing To Let My Mom Use My Debit Card?
“My mother (50F) has recently been using my (15M) debit card when it comes to making purchases on Amazon.
Now, don’t get me wrong, she does pay me back the money, but it’s always me she asks when my sister has a card too, and it gets annoying having someone ask to use your card and put the money back later.
On one occasion, my mother purchased something for 18 dollars, which I had enough to pay for from my account, and it ended up leaving me with 6 dollars left in my account; so naturally, I asked her to pay me back so I could get an Uber to my high-school football game.
She did so, but later on, the purchase on Amazon didn’t go through due to insufficient funds, which wasn’t my fault; yet she blew up on me, saying I shouldn’t have pestered her for the money if the transaction hadn’t gone through yet.
Again, this was the bank’s fault, not mine.
Today, my mother realized that I had removed my card from Amazon, as I was tired of the antics. I’ll admit, I did lie about removing it when she asked multiple times, and she got really mad, saying how hateful and mean I was, and told me that anything I wanted or needed, I should ask my dad, including the toothpaste I had asked her to buy.
She also made me send her back 20 dollars from when the transaction didn’t go through, and I had used the money she sent to get an Uber.
I understand that her new credit card is being sent by the bank and that it’s taking a while, but am I the bad guy here?
Every time money’s involved, my mom expects me to just give it up so she can pay me back later. When my sister needed her hair done, she told me to save 160 for it, and I gave her the money on the day of the appointment, but she randomly got 300, so she didn’t need it anymore.
When my sister needed gas money, I had to give up 30, which my sister still hasn’t paid back yet. Mind you, my sister does not save her money at all. She’ll get paid 200 and have 50 the next day. I do save my money, and my mother tried to use this as a reason as to why she always uses my card.
AITJ in this situation?”
Another User Comments:
“NTA, your mom should never need to use your money. It’s simply not how things work. When you’re an adult, maybe she can borrow some money from you, with clear rules on how and when to pay you back IN WRITING.
But when you’re 15, she never needs to bother you for money. Not for her and certainly not for any siblings.” StoneAgePrue
Another User Comments:
“NTJ The bank prints debit cards on location now, same day. Mom has no excuse. She’s a big girl and needs to handle things herself instead of getting you all involved. And, if she doesn’t want to wait for the credit card to come, she can go to the store like everyone else.” Snoo-32071
Another User Comments:
“Depends on how long this has been happening. A couple of weeks, just while her card is in the mail? YTJ. If it’s been longer and she’s only getting her own card because you stopped using yours, then NTJ. A 15-year-old CHILD is not responsible for the family’s financial situation and services.
Your mother needs to get her crap together.” criticalthoughtguy
3. AITJ For Refusing To Let My Rebellious Daughter Back In?
“I know that the title doesn’t sound too good, but here is a little background info.
So I (43F) became a mother pretty early in my life. I knew that I didn’t want to be just a mom; I wanted to be cool and fun. My parents never gave me that experience because I grew up in a strict, conservative household.
When my daughter was born, we were extremely happy to have her in our lives. She grew up pretty fast and started to mature very early on. So when she was 13, she had a party in our house without us knowing. So, as I mentioned, I did let her do a lot of things, and to be honest, I think I would’ve let her have the party if she asked me.
But she didn’t, which my husband and I didn’t understand because she always knew we were somewhat fun parents.
She rebelled extremely aggressively and quickly, and she did all kinds of unreasonable things, like sneaking out to a party or having her partner over (again, we would’ve let her do most of these things if she had asked).
So when she turned 18, she left our house with a note on the dining table saying, “I left with xy (her partner). I’m fine, don’t call me, don’t text me. I don’t know when I’ll be back, but don’t freak out. I just needed a little break from this house.” So when we read this, we were sad, then angry, then confused. What part doesn’t she like about the household?
Anyways, so two years passed, really painfully slowly. I just wanted my baby back, but I couldn’t do anything to speed up the “process.” And then one day she knocked on our door, demanding (not asking nicely or saying something comforting) that we let her live here again.
It was a tough decision to make, but we told her to go back to where she had stayed for the past two years. Maybe I’m too petty out of anger, and I took it too far, but she really messed up the whole family.
I don’t know what to do. AITJ, and what should I do?
Edit: Just a quick update. She went to her grandma’s place while we discussed what we should do. I read some comments the next day and advised that we should let her back in (I know it was a little extreme, but just imagine the pain I went through).
Of course, this is not only about me, as I was and still am very concerned for my daughter’s health and safety. I did try to call her multiple times, but as time passed, she still didn’t pick up the phone. I still understand how I’m the jerk here.
My husband was not very happy, as they were much closer, and he was distraught after everything, but I knocked some sense into him after you guys did the same for me. She came back two days ago and is now not really talking to us.
We try to communicate, but she acts like a total stranger to us. I understand why she may feel this way and that this is a transition, and I’ll keep posting updates if desired. Thank you for opening my eyes to see the reality.”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. You never disciplined your daughter, set boundaries, and let her live wild because you wanted to be a fun parent. She took off with a bad boy, said not to contact you, and has no idea what the heck she’s been up to, and since she’s alone, no matter how bad or good it might have been, you say you wanted your baby back.
Then you shut the door in her face. Wow, parent of the year. Right here” AngelIslington
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Your job isn’t to be the “fun” parent. Your job is to make sure they survive childhood and teach your kid how to be a productive adult.
Discipline and boundaries are exactly what she needed, and you didn’t give those to her. She’s acting entitled, childish, and immature. That’s on you. It’s good you are finally setting a boundary, but what you tried not to do that your own parents did to you, that pendulum swung too hard the other way.
A lot of Baby Boomers and Gen Xers have done this to their kids too, and man, are we paying for it.” goldenfingernails
Another User Comments:
“YTJ – She is really only doing exactly what her ‘fun’ mother did at her age, no doubt, and you are now punishing her for it.
Parents need to parent, and you know what that means: being the ones that provide structure, security, and, yes, saying no to their wants. She rebelled against you because you provided none of that to her growing up. I guess you can sure slam the door on her now if you must, but maybe you can fix a little bit of it now by allowing her to return, sitting her down, and admitting to both your mistakes and hers, and finally laying down some structure in her life to help her succeed with some strict rules.
You owe that much to her, but if you are not really sure that you and your husband can do that and hold the line, then don’t compound the error further. You’ll just make it worse.” PumpkinPowerful3292
2. AITJ For Choosing To Live With My New Partner Instead Of My Friend?
“About six months ago, I (33M) decided to move across the country to New York on my own, and mentioned this plan to my friend “John,” (26M) who soon after told me that he always wanted to move to New York, so this was the perfect opportunity for us to move and find a place together.
I like John and have known him for a while, so I agreed with this plan.
About a month later, I started seeing a longtime acquaintance, “Mina,” (31F) and things progressed rapidly. We fell in love, our friends and family like each other and approve, and since she works remotely, she decided she wanted to come with me to New York to stay with me in my two-month sublet and figure out if it would be somewhere she wanted to live long term.
We’ve only been seeing each other for four months, but it seems like a really healthy relationship.
John and Mina get along, and we were talking about getting an apartment for all three of us starting in September. However, after staying alone with Mina in an apartment for the past month or two, I have been feeling like I want to continue living with just Mina and not John.
We’re often unclothed, being silly, dancing, cooking elaborate meals, and aside from the obvious issues, I think the dynamic overall would be different if we lived with John. Neither of us has lived with him before, so even though he’s a great friend, he’s a bit of an unknown quantity as a roommate.
I called John and told him I had changed my mind and wanted to keep just living with Mina and not with him. I know this puts him in a difficult position because he just moved across the country alone and, unfortunately, got laid off from his remote job as a software engineer, so he won’t have proof of income to rent a place, but I think I should stand by my convictions here.
He said we’re still friends, but I saw him last night and he looked moody, quiet, and upset. He’s worried he won’t find a place, but he does have more than a month to do it. He could find a room somewhere.
Am I the jerk for changing the plan on him?
Should we still live with John to make his life easier?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ for changing your mind on him with very little notice. It is close enough to the move that he has already started making some pretty huge, irrevocable life changes based on the plan you made together, and your living together was a major piece of the puzzle of that life upheaval. You’re leaving him high and dry.
I understand wanting to live with just your partner, but you’re going back on a promise to do it. You say, “I think I should stand by my convictions.” What you mean is “I think I’m fine with being selfish.” heysoulmakossa
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. You stitched him up at the last minute. If you did this before he moved, then that’s different, but he was already financially committed to it based on your agreement. He now has nowhere to live and no job because of you. Great friend you turned out to be.” sjw_7
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. I get that things change and you’re rather just be with your partner, but you committed to John which he based a huge life decision on. You left him in a bind. I’m sure John understands, but you might lose the friendship based on your selfishness and lack of thought over your friend’s situation.
Just because you had not signed a lease yet, he made decisions based on what you discussed verbally. You might have also cost him a lot of money too—costs of moving and/or deposits.” Druidic_Focus
1. AITJ For Expecting My Husband To Clean The House And Backyard While I Work Full Time?
“I (wife) work full time with a demanding job.
I have been the sole provider for our family for nearly a year. My husband got a viral illness last year, and lost a lot of weight, so he couldn’t go back to his job, which was very physical. We also have 2 toddlers. My issue arises out of the fact that I have been working tirelessly to provide for our family.
I make a decent salary, but with just me working, my entire paycheck is gone as soon as I get it. He has been working on little projects here and there, working odd jobs (when they come up), and dropping off/picking up our kids from daycare.
That being said, he does little to nothing to help around the house while I’m working. I finally told him that he needs to get a cleaner that he needs to pay for, because I simply cannot go on living in a sty with clutter and mess all around.
He got cleaners to come every other week, and insists that “that’s what they do,” so it’s almost as if he thinks it’s their job to fully clean the house every 14 days, which seems unreasonable to me. He comments about how I may spend some time scrolling on my phone at night when I “have been complaining about the house”, and in all honesty, I’m just completely exhausted.
Every time I bring up the stress that is on me to provide for us and our family, he rolls his eyes and says something along the lines of, “I hate it when you say this crap” and walks away. I’m honestly feeling defeated. Additionally, he has turned my backyard into a literal junkyard, and I have been asking him FOR MONTHS to clean it, as it’s not safe for our kids to play outside now.
He’s not really helping at home, not even looking for work, and his only solution is to “threaten” me with going back to work, and when I tell him to please go back to work, he just trails off. I think that he’s gotten used to me taking care of him, and I simply am running out of steam.
AITJ for asking him to participate more at home, especially if he isn’t working?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ—Time to have a serious talk. “Yes, please go back to work because I’m exhausted.” He works hard to sustain your current status. This is not fair to you, and resentment is setting in.
What is this crap about him hiring cleaners; a job he should be doing? Your paycheck just shrank. One year+ is too long.” DesertSong-LaLa
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. My wife and I divide work roughly along hours spent providing for the family, whether that’s work or chores/cooking/dealing with crazy toddlers.
If he was also exhausted from taking care of 2 kids all day or has lingering symptoms that prevent him from doing much, that’s different. But if he just likes not doing much, then you need some couples counseling or something.” zeushaulrod
If this is his viewpoint, think seriously about kicking him out, as mediocre men who consider themselves superior to women tend to get worse, not better.