People Try Not To Flounder In These 'Am I The Jerk?' Stories
21. AITJ For Telling My Mom We Aren't Close While Discussing My Long-Distance Relationship?
“So I (20F) recently I’ve been seeing someone online (24M). We met via gaming and so far we’ve done long distance. We’ve been together, for nearly 9 months this December. We have reached a point of comfort in visiting. I could fill this post with reasons I love him.
I have a rocky relationship with my parents, I once left home deciding that homelessness was a better alternative than the constant tension at home. I could detail a bunch. I work and attend college full-time, help out around the house, etc. That’s agreed upon.
Things have calmed down over the years. My family is incredibly traditional. They grew up where if you didn’t threaten to shoot someone trying to court your daughter, you weren’t a real dad, and only a real “man stood his ground”.
For being as traditional as they are, I didn’t grow up traditionally.
I went to a half-and-half school, where you were issued to attend classes, but most of the designated learning was online. I live in a pretty isolated area too. With all these factors, I did not have a social circle. I was an outsider, so I was secluded indoors.
I’m not complaining too much though, since physical bullying is a very common thing amongst local schools. It’s been a recurring issue regarding trust and me being able to express any sort of issues when it comes to a social life. Family saying is “If you’re gonna speak up, you better lawyer up”.
I finally dared to talk and sit them down and try to have a heart-to-heart. It started pretty decent I would say. Nothing I wouldn’t expect from them. (I’m quite literally their only child even remotely interested in romance) The talk lasted for a good three hours, but my dad headed to bed halfway through, and things got a bit heated with my mom.
She was adamant about chaperoning everything, I told her that I didn’t trust her to not act out. “She is one judgemental woman”, her word,s is not mine. I’m not going to subject a person who I haven’t even gotten to shake their hand yet, to that kind of interrogation.
After interrupting a lot asking “Why don’t trust me? What was the point of the convo?” I straight up told her “We’re not that close.” Unfortunately, ly she interrupted me and said “You’re treading dangerous lines of offensiveness. Stop while you’re ahead. That’s it, I’m going to bed.” She cut the convo, and at around midnight,g getI heard her peel out of the garage.
I couldn’t keep it anymore.
To preface, ly know where they both are coming from. Everyone knows it is a big ask. But still not trusting my sense of judgment? For 10 years?
“You kinda did hide it” That’s fair, but the whole point of this convo was to simply try to open up a vulnerable side/say the feelings are real.
I’ve been up for almost 36 hours now. We haven’t spoken.
So, AITJ for telling my mom we don’t have a close relationship?”
Another User Comments:
“You’re 20 years old, your mom wants to chaperone your dates, and you’re discussing it as if that’s actually on the table?
This is so completely out of line for your mom, and your acting like you need her approval to make your own life choices is … outrageous. Girl, your problems have problems. You need to grow up and be your own person. You also need to figure out your parents stopped having a say in your life years ago.
And from your partner’s point of view, this should be a massive red flag. You’ve got no business being in a relationship if you don’t have the agency to make your own decisions, and it’s irresponsible of you to drag someone into a mess like this if you intend to wallow in it.
I hope this isn’t overly harsh; the point I’m trying to make is that you very badly need some perspective. Yeah, your mom (and dad, probably) are going to be mad. But your options are to have a life of your own or not. I’d drop anybody like a bad habit who treated me that way.
Good luck, OP. Kinda NTJ but kinda Everyone’s a jerk here.” ajblue98
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You, my friend, are in a bad relationship, I don’t think you see it yet. Not with your partner, with your parents. Having grown up in one, I see the red flags you are blind to.
Not all mistreatment is physical. The mental mistreatment is just as damaging, if not more so because of the long-term effects. Here’s the main red flag. You are 20. You are in college. Your conversation with your mom reads like something a 16-year-old would have over a first date to going to the movies.
Try to get some sleep. The anxiety is a side-effect of being in a long-term bad relationship. It’s that “walking on eggshells” feeling. That’s trying to manage their emotions to prevent a negative response. That comes from growing up with parents who decide what is ‘wrong’ or ‘forbidden’ to suit their mood so you never know if what you are doing is going to set them off.
That’s an incredibly unhealthy way to grow up.” WhereWeretheAdults
Another User Comments:
“NTJ the interworkings of your family dynamics are only known to you, but so is your interaction with the world. The best thing you can do is make yourself happy, if at some point that includes your family, amazing, but you come first. Not at anyone else’s expense, not even at your own, just know you have one life and one chance to feel good about it.” TacosandGin
20. AITJ For Not Forgiving My Stalker Despite His Fake Apologies?
“In 2019 a man got infatuated via social media. I told him no, he has some pretty hateful views and went out of his way to say inappropriate things to me. He knew that was wrong.
He has since attempted “to apologize”. But he always winds up trying to make me think I “drove him to it”, instead of just saying what he said was bad and shutting up like an actual remorseful person.
He never said sorry for most of the bad things he said to me. He addressed a couple of things only because people got on his case. Clearly did the bare minimum to try to take the heat off himself. Not that he was genuinely sorry to me for being so vile.
So, when he wanted to be friends I decided I didn’t want to. When he said I’d be his buddy if I forgave him I concluded then I don’t forgive him.
On top of being bad, most of what he said wasn’t true and when I politely corrected Stalker he just kept arguing with me about my life.
If he doesn’t even value being intelligent then there’s no point in forgiving him no matter how sorry he is/isn’t and for what? Any further chatting with him would be a stupid waste of time.
Additionally, he continued his stalking/harassing/threatening behavior while he was supposedly “sorry”.
Never did apologize for most of his hateful words/actions. All he did was call me a jerk for not answering him. A lot. I’d block him, and he’d come back, “You’re a jerk for ignoring me”.
I wasn’t forcing Creeper to guess the issue)I don’t have to be friends with guys who bully me 2)Things I wanted addressed, I’d raised at the time they occurred. All he would have needed to do was look over the interaction.
Makes it extra bad later on he got mad at me for not looking at stuff he said to me seriously. Hmmm…
Plus when I’d articulate I was uncomfortable he accused me of trying to “force him to apologize”. When I’d ignore him the same gig.
He got that because I mentioned my parents were chaotic growing up and I guess he thought bringing up they used to have issues saying sorry was going to make me think I was unwise rejecting him. No, and he had no business in my family affairs.
Never said sorry for that either. Sure doesn’t like being treated like he treated me.
He’s still trying to pester me, so obviously he didn’t feel any regret. Never admitted how crappy it was to pressure me to be pals without actually addressing all the stuff he did to me.
I understand on one level it’s good to let drama go. But that shouldn’t result in setting myself up for more drama. Given the stalker is still harassing me and lying about being sorry, I just think there is no point in me trying to forgive him.
He isn’t sorry. He even admitted he was trying to manipulate me. I think my emotional energy is better served and spent on loved ones who are good and supportive things in my life. Creeper would just turn around and do it again.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. As he “comes back”, block him immediately. When you think you can’t keep him from reaching you, (because he keeps switching aliases etc) then report this to the police for a restraining order. Zero engagement ever. Nothing!!!!!” savvybass2
Another User Comments:
“Not The Jerk.
You are under no obligation to forgive someone who treated you so badly, especially when they appear not actually to be sorry for what they’ve done. You’re doing the right thing by trying to keep your distance and keep him out of your life. As you say, concentrate your energies on the people who love and treat you well.
Best of luck.” DorisWildthyme
19. AITJ For Selling The Insulation Without My Partner's Input On Price?
“So we’ve got two piles of just junk in our house. One in the workshop one in the garage. The garage also has 11 full rolls of pink insulation from trying to drywall the garage. We’ve talked about the rolls and agreed to sell them.
I’ve asked my partner several times how much we should sell them for and they have consistently said “We’ll talk about it later.”
Labor Day comes around and I tell them I plan on cleaning out the garage. They say they are going to go hang with their friend.
I make it clear to my partner that I intend to throw some things away and sell the insulation and that I might not remember to take a picture of everything I throw away. I ask again how much they think I should sell the insulation for.
They say that’s fine for the first and I don’t know about the second. I say ok, I’ll figure it out, and if they want to help at all with it I would appreciate it. They say that they’ll think about it.
That morning, they leave for their friend’s and I start on the garage.
The insulation runs $20 a roll on Home Depot and, we’ve had these in our garage for about 5 years now. So I want to move them on the cheap. I put them on the marketplace for $7/roll or $5/roll if you buy 2 or more. Why the discount?
Someone with a $20 bill would rather have 4 rolls of sealed insulation over 2 rolls and $6 back. Well within 45 minutes I’ve got a buyer, they take the lot $65 in my pocket and I don’t have to look at the rolls anymore. I spend the full day cleaning and organizing the garage.
Throwing out garbage and straightening up while listening to true crime podcasts. Sending periodic updates to my partner.
My partner comes back around 8 pm with their friend. The friend looks at the garage and is wowed. They say it looks 4feet wider without the pile of junk.
My partner doesn’t comment past “good job.” I told them both I managed to sell all the insulation rolls and made $65. The friend seems impressed, a one-day listing generating $65. My partner complained that if they had sold it they would have made each roll cost more and that they would not have given a discount.
T lost money since the insulation was so much more at Home Depot, and I should have told them the price I was posting the rolls at first. I could only comment on how I had asked for their help.
It hurt and was a bit jarring with the juxtaposition of responses between my partner who I’ve been married to for 13 years, and their friend who I’ve hung out with maybe 6-8 times.
But I don’t know, maybe I’m just a jerk. I’ll let you decide.
Also, feel free to guess the genders of all involved. I won’t be offended.”
Another User Comments:
“It sounds to me like you kept communicating with them repeatedly. They didn’t seem to care enough to do anything.
I don’t know why that’s changed when you finally just got rid of it. NTJ If they can sell it for higher, then they should have done it ages ago.” orgasmic
Another User Comments:
“NTJ You’re not the jerk, you’ve given your partner ample opportunity over multiple occasions, to give input into the prices, they could have assisted you and decided not to.
They are the jerk in this instance for not assisting you and then being upset over the decision you made, and especially discussing it in front of their friend, rather than having a personal conversation later.” Sacha_Rae24
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You wanted your partner to be involved in this project, but they put it off and wanted to leave all the actual work to you.
Funny how they only have an opinion AFTER everything is over and they’re not expected to contribute. I doubt they would have made more money than you did because they never intended to do the work. And then complaining like that in front of a friend?
Tasteless.” SolitaryTeaParty
18. AITJ For Not Inviting My Partner's Daughter To An Event I Planned For My Niece?
“I’ve been seeing Jackson for about 8 months. He’s 33 and I’m 25. We met at the gym and 4 months later he asked me out. He’s great but we disagreed the other day.
3 months into our relationship, Jackson told me he had a 10-year-old daughter, Chloe, with his ex-fiancé. I knew he was previously engaged, but he never mentioned a daughter. He had her on weekends, but with moving and starting a new job, they agreed for him to just visit/take Chloe out when he was free.
He had mentioned “Chloe” before and would often talk about taking her out with Eli (his nephew), so I assumed she was a niece. Since he was settled, they planned to go back to their original arrangement. I guess he thought that was the right time for me to know since it would eventually come up.
I was upset originally. His reasoning was that he didn’t want us to meet until he got to know me. This is fair, but I’m still of the belief that he could have told me he had a daughter sooner and still not have us meet.
His logic is that a previous partner asked to meet Chloe right away and his being against that had caused a lot of arguing.
The current issue: My sister has been super busy with work and my BIL is in Manitoba since his dad had a mini-stroke.
So I have been babysitting my niece after daycare a lot. I love spending time with her and doing special activities together especially right now with everything happening. I’ve taken her to the aquarium and a few indoor playgrounds.
I’ve gotten to meet and get to know Chloe on Jackson’s weekends these last 2 months.
We were having dinner the other day when Jackson asked me what I was doing on Wednesday. I told him I bought tickets for my niece and me to go to a local art fair. Chloe asked to go. I apologized and verbatim said, “I’m sorry I can’t take you to the fair, they don’t have more tickets but maybe we can go painting together with your dad next week.” She pouted a bit bly just made me promise to take her.
After dinner, I started trying to make plans when Jackson got upset. He wants me to take Chloe to the fair because “she could appreciate it more.” I said no because I was doing this specifically for my niece. Then he got mad I didn’t ask Chloe if she wanted to come.
He said that I’ve been going out to do so many kid-friendly activities but haven’t thought to invite Chloe. He thinks I’m not making an effort with her but like I’ve only known her for about 2 months. I think it’s unfair to expect me to be taking her out when I’m still getting to know her with him present.
AITJ?
I wanted some outside opinions. I called my mom when I got home and she understands Jackson’s perspective. My sister is on my side but she’s always on my side so she doesn’t count. My dad and younger brother don’t really care.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I don’t like that he’s trying to get you to make an effort with his daughter so early. Your niece you’ve probably known her whole life, whereas you’ve only known his kid for 5 months. Additionally, you haven’t even been seeing each other for a year, so I think it was premature to even introduce you two.” algunarubia
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You’ve been in a relationship for less than a year and barely know his child. (It was dump-worthy for him to hide he was a father, but I guess you moved on from that). He’s acting entitled and childish. Follow-up: How were you even supposed to take her when he only gets weekends?” False-Phase9620
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I would be wary of this situation. He didn’t even tell you he had a child, now all of a sudden he wants you to step up and parent her without him. It sounds like he wants you to assume the lion’s share of the work regarding his child, and that will only get worse if you marry.
Then he will be free to watch/play sports with his buds while you are busy being the parent. I am also concerned about the age difference here. Often the second wife is younger than the husband because they are easier to take advantage of and wind up being in over their heads before they know it.
Move slowly, very slowly.” Firebird-girl
17. AITJ For Leaving Dinner After My Grandparents Insulted My Sister?
“For clarity, I was young (3/4) when the biggest part of the backstory happened so I don’t remember how it went down but I know this has been an issue for years.
My mother passed away when I (17f) was 18 months old and my sister was 7.
Dad met my stepmom and married her when I was 3. Or at least that’s the timeline I know. My stepmom had a daughter before meeting dad who passed away when she was still a baby. So both knew grief. My stepmom wasn’t comfortable with having photos of my mother around the house or living in a house that felt like my mother’s house vs hers.
So they packed up all our mother’s stuff and disposed of them. My sister was really angry at that and I get why. I also get why my stepmom felt the way she did. I think it was handled badly. My sister retaliated and she disposed of all the photos stepmom had of her late daughter.
She said since stepmom could get rid of mom since she wasn’t comfortable, my sister felt she could get rid of the kid who made her uncomfortable. This was a really big and defining moment in my family because my stepmom was always very hurt by this and my sister has never regretted it.
But it’s mutual on the part of disposing of mom’s things. My parents always said it was the right thing to do to make it a home for our family as it existed after my parent’s marriage.
My stepmom and sister were never close and their relationship has always been SO strained. My dad and sister also have a tense relationship.
But me? I have a close relationship with all three and love all three. I never wanted to lose any of them because they’re all important to me.
My sister is an adult now and has no contact with my parents but we spend time together and she lets me sleep over at her house for sister sleepovers and we go shopping together and hang out.
She’s someone I consider to be one of my best friends. My parents also understand. I know they hate how bad things are between them and my sister but a line was drawn and my sister doesn’t want to have them in her life. I respect this like she respects that I love them and only remember them as my parents.
My stepmom’s parents (grandparents) don’t like my sister and I didn’t realize they felt as strongly as I did before yesterday when we were all having dinner together (parents, grandparents, and me). My grandparents trash-talked my sister over what she did to the photos of stepmom’s daughter and how evil she was for never regretting it or saying sorry because they were the only photos they had.
I asked them to please stop because she’s my sister. But they continued and made it very clear they hated her for it. I left the table. This really annoyed them and upset my parents who didn’t like me just walking away like that.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – You respectfully requested they stop trash-talking and when they declined you removed yourself. Your actions were appropriate. You set a reasonable boundary. Your stepmom wanted to erase your birth mother from your family and the adults are OK with this…..it’s not OK.
Meanwhile, your sister’s actions (that mirrored your stepmom’s acts) are viewed as vile. Your family regards the stepmom as the golden family member and your sister is the black sheep. The adults never took responsibility for preserving your mom’s ‘presence’ while her daughters grew up.
This is egregious. Best to you.” DesertSong-LaLa
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Now you see how they view people that don’t fit into their fantasy. I’m proud of your sister. Turnabout is fair play. I’m glad you and your sister have a relationship and that she doesn’t hold it against you that you call her mom.
At the end of the day, Dad and Step are the jerks. It’s one thing to pack it away. It’s another thing to destroy it. She was successful in getting you to see her as Mom now she wants to destroy your view of your sister the way she did of your mom.” LouisV25
16. AITJ For Moving Out And Asking My Roommate's Partner To Pay My Part Of The Rent?
“In college, I, 20F moved into a small 2-bedroom, 1-bathroom apartment with my best friend, Avery, 20F. We split the rent evenly and started off having a blast—going out, cooking, and enjoying each other’s company. However, things changed when Avery began seeing Sam. From the start, there were red flags: Sam lied about his age and school, and he wasn’t even a student or near our age.
Despite my concerns, Avery didn’t care, and their relationship quickly became serious.
As time passed, I saw less of Avery. She spent most of her time at Sam’s and our friends would always ask what was up with her. When winter break came, we both decided to stay at our college apartment.
Avery asked if Sam could stay for the weekend because he was getting evicted. I agreed, thinking it was a kind gesture. But that weekend turned into months. Sam never left, and I found myself uncomfortable with a grown man living in my space without contributing to rent or utilities.
With Avery often at work, Sam would just be at the apartments, making me feel super uncomfortable. I avoided the living room and felt anxious about using the bathroom since it was right next to Avery’s room. Sam would eat my groceries without asking. I tried talking to Avery about it, and while she apologized and replaced my food, the cycle continued. Eventually, I resorted to hiding my groceries in my room, but it felt unfair since I paid for half of the apartment.
Sam also brought his five younger siblings to our apartment without asking. They were unruly, broke things, and left a mess everywhere. I was overwhelmed, often locking myself in my room while they ran wild. When I confronted Avery about leaving them with me, she apologized but never changed her behavior.
The situation spiraled into a depression that affected my college experience. After five months of this, I realized I couldn’t live like this anymore. I began searching for a one-bedroom apartment for peace of mind. I eventually moved out without telling Avery, as I was ready to escape the chaos.
I contacted my original apartment to break my lease early due to Avery allowing Sam to stay without my permission. They suggested I ask Avery to have Sam pay my half of the rent for the remaining two months.
When I called Avery to discuss it, she exploded, refusing to let Sam take over my lease.
I tried explaining that I wouldn’t have had to leave if our living situation hadn’t changed. Avery countered that I hadn’t spoken up enough about my discomfort. Despite my previous attempts to voice my concerns, our friendship ended. In the end, I lost my best friend and a significant amount of money while feeling robbed of a part of my college experience.
So, AITJ for moving out and asking Avery to have Sam pay my half of the rent for the last two months?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You agreed to live with Avery only and that was the unofficial leasing agreement – by letting Sam move in she broke her end of the contract and I feel like you asking Sam to pay your half of the rent for only the last two months was reparation for the mental draining and also just living rent free without paying for utilities.
Wonder if he was paying half of her half?” Ok_Turnip_6087
Another User Comments:
“NTJ She is lying when she says she didn’t know you were uncomfortable. I am sure she never told you that Sam would stay longer than a weekend. You aren’t wrong but unfortunately, the rental office may hold you to your part of the rent.
You have a new place and could just say forget it and push them to cover the rent because if you don’t pay they might get evicted (it’s only two months though). Chances are she won’t be able to renew. Either way, don’t pay.” WickedAngelLove
15. AITJ For Refusing To Hold An Intervention For My Friends' Custody Dispute?
“So I (25F) was asked by a childhood friend (29NB), let’s call them Sam, to hold an intervention for their former partner who is also a childhood friend of mine (26F).
We’ll call her Jean.
Sam and Jean have a child together, a 2.5-year-old. A few months ago, they had gotten into an argument where Jean ended up asking Sam to leave her house and because she felt unsafe, she ended up calling the police.
Sam eventually left on their own accord and Jean asked them to not come back, stating that she’d prefer them to work through the courts for shared custody of their daughter, as she no longer wished to speak to them. Since then, Sam has come to me and my fiancée, also (25F) to confide in and get advice from.
They missed their child and wanted to do anything they could to see her again. They felt betrayed that someone they cared for would pull their child away from them and call the police on them. We vaguely understood as new parents ourselves, our daughter being only a month old at the time.
But slowly the simple venting and sharing of advice turned into increasingly ridiculous pleas for help. They first asked us to sit down and try to convince Jean that she overreacted and to let Sam see their child. We agreed to sit down and speak with her to see what was going on from her end but made no promises.
Jean stated that she felt unsafe around Sam and just wished to figure things out legally. Sam simply did not want to agree with this, believing that if they settled in court, this meant their parents would get parental rights.
Sam has not had contact with their parents for a long while as Sam had a traumatic upbringing on behalf of them.
Jean, on the other hand, has been allowing their child to visit her grandparents regularly. One day, Sam came up with a plan. They wanted me to watch the children while my fiancée and another mutual friend of ours held an “intervention” style meeting for Jean where we wouldn’t allow her to leave until we convinced her that she was wrong to take Sam’s child away from them and that she needed to work out a custody agreement out of court and stop allowing their child to visit their parents.
We refused, as it seemed like an irrational idea. Jean comes with a lot of baggage herself and I was certain that cornering her would do no good. She is still my friend and I don’t believe her feelings in the situation are exactly wrong either.
We encouraged Sam to instead work on legal action to get custody of their daughter and offered any other help we could give. But they continue to pressure us into doing the intervention despite our refusal, calling us bad friends for not wanting to do it.
So AITJ for refusing to hold an intervention?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. There is a clear legal procedure for getting access to their child if that’s what Sam wants. And the courts are better suited to evaluate the situation and safety for all involved. Sam should pursue that rather than put you in this crazy situation.” gordonf23
14. AITJ For Feeling Happy About Outperforming My Overly Competitive Friend?
“I (22f) have a friend, (21m), who I’ve known for about 2 years and have been close to for 1.
I’ve known for a while that he’s incredibly competitive to a degree that I find unhealthy – ie. finding satisfaction when other people do worse than him, being insincere when people do succeed, rarely allowing people to talk about their achievements, etc. I think he thinks people can’t tell he’s got this hyper-competitive streak, but he’s got a terrible poker face and voice.
I think the fact that he thinks he’s the best liar in town and would be amazing at poker despite having never played (his own words, slightly paraphrased) annoys me more than anything. There’s more, but I can’t be bothered going in-depth with a word limit.
Anyway, one of the things he does do is constantly go on and on about how academic he was in high school (literally 2 years ago now), how he never had to study or put effort into anything to get good grades. Anyone might mention having done an exam, some high school story, or similar, and somehow he’ll find a way to brag about the fact that he did so well in high school and never had to study or spend time working on anything.
It’s a pain. It doesn’t make him seem ‘cooler’, it doesn’t make anyone respect him more and no one gives a darn about how we did in high school, just that we’re here now.
Having said that, the course we’re in currently requires that people do incredibly well in high school, so showing off good grades (again, 2 years ago, no one else talked about their high school grades) feels almost redundant when everyone around us got the same thing anyway.
Recently, we were talking about our grades through uni so far, and while he’s not doing poorly by any stretch, I realized that I was doing consistently better than him in almost every subject, save for one. When I mentioned what I had scored on that one he made sure to double-check, then very subtly mentioned that he’d scored higher there a few moments later.
I did eventually tell him what I’d gotten on other subjects and I guess he noticed the same thing I did earlier because he was suddenly very eager to change the conversation and grades weren’t super interesting anymore. I don’t love that I did, but that made me feel happy.
I enjoyed the fact that he suddenly wasn’t able to brag about how well he was doing, or how little effort he put in for better results than anyone. I worked insanely hard for what I’ve gotten, and knowing that he was annoyed by the fact that I was doing well made me happy.
To reiterate, we are good friends. It’s part of why I think I’m able to read him fairly well, and part of why I’ve heard his spiel about how amazing he was at not doing work in high school so often.
I’m not certain about how clear this whole thing is, but I guess I need some reassurance – AITJ for being happy that I’m doing better than my friend in school?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. His fragile ego wrote some cheques that he couldn’t afford. That makes him the jerk. Congrats on doing well, btw. Learn from him and don’t follow in his path.” neuronrub
13. AITJ For Limiting My Daughter's Interaction With Her Friend's Mom After She Body Shamed Her?
“About two weeks ago my 14-year-old daughter Bonnie was out shopping with her best friend Gigi and Gigi’s mom Lauren. While they were out, Lauren bought them both dresses she thought were cute. Except she bought Bonnie a size 3. Bonnie said she picked out one that was her size, but Lauren put it back and said that the size 3 one would be her “aspirational” dress to work towards fitting into.
When she came home, she gave it to me and was upset but also didn’t want to say anything bad about Gigi’s mom, which I get. First off, Bonnie is a HEALTHY girl. Gymnastics until she was about 11 (and grew several inches), dance in the fall, and track in the spring, were all her choices.
So she’s got an athletic build. Gigi is a small girl, barely 5 feet, and so I thought at first she got them mixed up. She told me that Gigi’s mom got it for her to aspire to try to get into by “working hard.”
I said I’d take care of it and get her the right size. The next day, I called Gigi’s mom Lauren, and asked her why she would do that. She explained that she thought it would give Bonnie something to work towards, because she heard Bonnie saying she didn’t get asked out last year but Gigi had several boys after her and that it seemed like it upset her.
I told her it was inappropriate and asked her why she would tell a kid she needed to lose weight to get attention from boys. She got defensive and said that it was embarrassing for Bonnie to not have boys into her when all her friends did.
She said I’m holding Bonnie back from growing up—like I won’t help her with boys, won’t drop hundreds at Sephora, still dress her like a kid, and buy B&BW sprays instead of fancy perfumes. She said it’s messing with Bonnie socially and that she’s the only one in her friend group who hasn’t had a partner.
Then she got personal and said just because I’ve “given up” and stopped trying doesn’t mean I have to turn Bonnie into a nun.
FOR THE RECORD, this is partially true. But it’s also because Bonnie doesn’t WANT that stuff. I have offered to get her more than Cetaphil skincare and she doesn’t want it.
She got straight As last year and I took her to Ulta for a “spree” and all she wanted was some lip gloss and then ASKED for the body spray instead.
I said that it’s time for a break. The girls can still hang out, but I don’t want Bonnie at Gigi’s house.
Bonnie got upset over it and I can deal with that. Gigi’s mom however has gone NUCLEAR over it, spreading poison everywhere she can about me being “psycho” and doubling down on how it’s all because I don’t want my daughter to be happy with a partner when I’m single and “no man would touch me.” Which is just… childish.
And I’ve been shocked to see how other people have reacted to this, so now I’m questioning my parenting which I NEVER do. AITJ!?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Gigi’s mom is toxic. This is not someone you want your daughter exposed to or associating with.
She’s 14, she is still a kid. It is not ‘messing with her socially’ to treat her in an age-appropriate way. Gigi’s Mom’s implication that your daughter needs to lose weight is also beyond unacceptable. Her kid is probably on her way to an eating disorder, you don’t want your daughter in that boat.” CuriousEmphasis7698
Another User Comments:
“Lauren is a gossip and a bully. You can’t control what other people think about you or say about you. It’s a life lesson to teach your daughter. Hold your head high. If anyone tries to talk about it to you, simply explain you’re choosing not to allow any woman to fat-shame your daughter by buying homes that are too small for her and telling her she needs to lose weight to please boys.
You find the behavior abhorrent, and you are protecting your daughter from that kind of toxicity. You’re doing a great job. Your daughter may not appreciate it now, but she will as she gets older. Why on earth any woman is pushing for 13-14-year-old girls to have partners is beyond me.
What the crap?” lilolememe
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but Gigi’s mom is. She should NEVER comment on a young girl’s body like that. First off, it’s none of her business. Your daughter is 14, she doesn’t need to be worried about boys right now.
She’s a KID. There’s no rush for her to grow up. You did the right thing by keeping her away from Gigi’s mom.” Easton_HJE
12. AITJ For Refusing To Run Errands For My Video Game Addicted Partner?
“My partner (M25) and I (F23) have been together for about 5 years, and over that time it seems to me that he has been becoming more and more averse to doing things (like anything).
All he wants to do is play video games (I am not exaggerating, he has openly expressed that is the only thing he wants to do with his time). This has resulted in me having to take care of a lot of our needs.
The main issue that I am making this post about, though, is that he keeps asking me to run errands for him that he is perfectly capable of doing but just doesn’t want to.
For example, if he wants pizza for dinner, I have to go pick it up by myself, or if I don’t want to pick it up I have to make something for us to eat because it’s my fault that we don’t have pizza. When I have asked why he can’t do things himself, he has said that either he just doesn’t want to or that it makes him feel loved when I do things for him (which makes me feel like a jerk for not wanting to do it).
He also tries to bribe me into doing things by saying he will send me money to buy myself something if I do it, but that just makes me feel like a delivery driver.
The real kicker happened today. He asked me to go to Walmart to pick up a new gaming controller because he broke his last night when he got angry at his game.
I work in an office attached to our apartment, so essentially I work from home and he seems to think that means I can run errands for him during the workday. He said I could just use my lunch break which is only 30 minutes, while the task would take about 40min – 1hr.
Nothing is stopping him from going himself after he gets out of work, he just wants to have the controller waiting for him when he gets home so he can game. He has said that he doesn’t want to leave the house again after he gets out of work because his job is physically taxing and requires him to drive to the work site (he rides in the truck, he doesn’t drive it and it’s rarely over an hour commute).
We work for the same company and I have done his job before. It’s not that bad, he mostly just waits around and watches videos on his phone. Plus he works shorter hours than I do.
I don’t feel like it’s right for him to ask me to run errands for him while I am at work, but maybe that is something that a loving partner is supposed to do.
I think I have lost all perspective about this because it’s such a stupid argument that we have been having repeatedly. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Honey. Five YEARS?! Has there been one iota of a suggestion that he will ever even think of changing? How much longer do you want to be his (unpaid) Uber Eats/personal assistant/bankroll?
What on earth does this man bring to your life other than somehow managing to convince you to carry him for five years? Don’t make it six years. Or ten. Or 15. Get out now; your life will be so much easier. NTJ.” MaIngallsisaracist
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but you are focusing on the wrong details. He is addicted to video games. This will only increase with time. No one thing should be the only thing someone wants to do. Even if it is the only thing he wants to do, it’s not the only thing he has to do to be a functioning member of society, a household, and a relationship.
The other thing is that you have become his stand-in mother, housekeeper, and servant. It’s time for a direct conversation about responsibilities. Also, no is a complete sentence. If he asks you to go pick up a pizza and demands you cook something, just say no. If he asks you to pick up a controller on your lunch break just say no. No debate, no negotiation, asked and answered is all that is needed after that.” MaybeitsMe0617
Another User Comments:
“NTJ a relationship is supposed to be a partnership, not indentured servitude. Just know that this gets better when he puts in the effort to do better, not when he offers to take you out to a nice dinner or asks you to marry him or gets you a promise ring or wants to have a kid because I guarantee you the next step is him trying to lock you in before you realize you’re too good for this nonsense.” CapoExplains
11. AITJ For Refusing To Let My Dad Use My Inheritance For My Half-Sister's Treatment?
“My mom passed away when I (16m) was 7.
She left me an inheritance that my dad was put in charge of. The funds were supposed to be for my future and nobody was supposed to touch it unless I needed it and it was pretty specific. I read through it 5 months ago when things went down.
My dad got married again when I was 10 and he has an 8-year-old stepdaughter and now a 4-year-old daughter with his wife “Louise”.
My half-sister was diagnosed with a rare condition when she was 2. It was always clear something was wrong but they had a really hard time figuring out what it was.
Doctors would say she’d be fine when she was older. This condition isn’t life-threatening like she won’t pass away from it, but it could potentially leave her permanently disabled in a bad way. A few months ago they found out about this hard to get into treatment for it.
But it was expensive. There were/are ways to get help paying for it but that takes longer. So my dad decided he would use the inheritance mom left me to pay for it. He tried asking me but he was going to do it anyway and when I said no he told me as much.
Then he shamed me for saying no, for putting college before the health of my half-sister. Louise was in the room with us but she wasn’t talking before I said no. She asked me how I could look at my half-sister at the life she will have if we don’t do something and say no. I told my dad I would never forgive him if he took the funds.
After I read her will (grandparents had a copy) I brought up the fact it was only for my needs it could be spent before. He told me mom was dead and he hoped she’d understand. I told him I never would. He told me I’d understand when I’m older.
I told him I hated him and I told Louise she better never speak to me again because I found it disgusting she’d encourage stealing from me and taking my mom’s funds.
I told my grandparents what dad did. They’re my mom’s parents but had stayed friendly with dad and there were times they would help him.
They shared stuff with him all the time and Grandpa would look at Dad’s car for free if anything was wrong. That all stopped when I told them. Dad couldn’t figure out why until he confronted them about it last week. They told him he had some nerve stealing from me, taking their daughter’s funds, and spending it on *his* child.
My dad was mad that they didn’t understand and support his decision. He confronted me about it and complained about what I did. I laughed and told him I had warned him I would never forgive him for it. He asked how I got to be so heartless and selfish.
I told him I would never forget what he did.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your mom left that money for you, not for your dad to decide how to spend it. It’s heartbreaking that your half-sister is going through this, but it doesn’t justify stealing from your future.
Your dad and Louise had other options, like pursuing financial assistance or fundraising, instead of trampling over your late mom’s wishes. The fact that he shamed you and dismissed your feelings is honestly gross. You’re not heartless—you’re protecting what’s rightfully yours.
Your grandparents backing you up says a lot. Hold your ground, and don’t let anyone guilt you into thinking you’re the bad guy here.” User
10. AITJ For Wanting To Adopt A Neglected Stray Cat That's Claimed By An Irresponsible Owner?
“I moved a few months ago, and as I like to go for nocturnal walks I’ve met a lot of the stray cats in the area. One cat in particular I have bonded with and befriended. She’s light orange with blue eyes and I’ve been calling her Daisy.
When I first met her she was so infested with fleas that you would pet her and get a live flea on your hand- it was disgusting. It was also clearly distressing to her, as she was always grooming herself- to the point of hair loss in some places- and flicking her tail in frustration.
She was also quite literally skin and bones, I could see every one of her ribs. Despite this, she’s a very friendly cat, always meowing at me and rubbing on my leg, and loves to be a pet.
I felt very bad for Daisy so I started visiting her nightly.
She was always in more or less the same place, in front of a house about a block away. I never saw any people but this isn’t out of the ordinary as it is nighttime when I visit her usually- typically around 1 am. I would bring food to her every day, and I was able to get some flea medicine that was about to expire from the vet I work for and put it on her.
She’s looking so much better, starting to grow hair back in the places she had groomed raw, has some actual meat on her bones, and seems much happier. I’ve gotten very attached to her as well. A few days ago I borrowed a microchip reader to make sure she wasn’t someone’s lost pet- friendly as she is- and it showed that she has no chip.
Today I bought her a new bowl because my dishwasher melted my old one, and I was excited about it so I went to “show it to her” by giving her a little snack. This is the first time I’ve gone to see her in the day.
A man was in front of the house doing work on the car in the driveway, and at first, he ignored me but after Daisy crawled out of hiding and started eating he scowled at me and told me to please not feed his cat and to go away.
Now I’m conflicted. I’ve bonded with this cat and am tempted to catch her and take her to the vet, have her chipped in my name, and keep her. The owner isn’t doing a good job caring for her given the state she was in when I first met her, and technically she’s legally a stray as a permanent outdoor cat with no chip.
On the other hand, I believe the man that she’s his cat, as she is always at that same house and is too friendly to be strictly wild.
What would the moral thing to do be in this case? I know stealing is wrong but I’m also worried about Daisy.
So, WIBTJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. While there could potentially be some legal complications to taking Daisy, I don’t think it’s super likely. Morally, you would not at all be a jerk for taking a severely neglected cat and caring for her. If you choose to try and do it through reporting to animal services I would be concerned you’d face a ton of bureaucratic nonsense and they wouldn’t necessarily be able to do anything, but I wouldn’t judge you for trying to protect yourself.
That being said, I don’t know if I’d be able to stop myself from scooping her up and whisking her off in the night. If you do this, wait at least a few days or preferably a few weeks while only going to see her at night so this guy starts to forget about you.
I agree that it seems likely the “owner” doesn’t have vet records. See if she seems spayed, if she’s not I think it’s extremely likely he doesn’t. You know a lot about your local laws though, and I trust your judgment whatever you choose to do.
And I’m sure no matter what, Daisy appreciates you.” im_not_u_im_cat
Another User Comments:
“I have an acquaintance who has mental health issues and developmental disabilities. He absolutely, genuinely loves cats but is not competent to take care of them. He doesn’t accept this fact, though, and keeps trying to have pet cats.
He’s legally forbidden from owning cats after being at the center of a hoarding situation. His workaround is to claim strays as his, feeding them and giving them stuff much like OP is doing. But he doesn’t take them to the vet because he’ll get in trouble if he does, and from what he’s said about his strays, they often show clear signs of needing more care.
I could see him acting like Daisy’s alleged owner if he found someone else caring for one of his strays. And I would have absolutely no problem with a competent person taking one of his strays and giving them a more permanent home and actual healthcare.
NTJ.” Snoo-88741
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – yet. You would be if you took the cat though. By all means see if her owner would be willing to part with her, even sell her, but no – just taking her now that knows she belongs to someone else would not be cool.
I’m torn on this vote, tbh, because I would want to take her home too. If he refuses then you have the option of contacting the local animal control/shelter people and seeing if they want to get involved.” Hiply
9. AITJ For Crying After Being Accused Of Hitting On My Friend's Partner?
“So what happened is that today I was talking to my friend and she suddenly said that she is angry at me for something I did. I asked her about it and she told me that about 1 month ago at my “best friend” (let’s call her Anna) birthday party most of our class was invited but my other friend (let’s call her Sarah) was not able to join us but Sarah’s partner was also in the party as he was in our friend circle.
The thing is that I never liked Sarah’s partner so I barely ever talked to him but at that party, the only people I knew were Anna, Anna’s partner, and Sarah’s partner so Anna suggested that I should sit with both of them, but I refused because I don’t like Sarah’s partner but we were trying to remain on cordial terms for Sarah.
So the main story is that, that day I was wearing an off-shoulder top, and while we were dancing, socializing,g and eating my top was going up and I was adjusting it and trying to keep it off shoulders.
Almost 10-20 min before the entire party was over he came and sat next to me and I still didn’t talk to him also because Sarah is a little insecure.
The next day Anna and Sarah’s partner told Sarah that I was pulling my top down when Sarah’s partner was near me. They said that I was trying to hit on him and that he got uncomfortable because of me. After 1 month of this thing, she came and told me about this and she said it in a way that I should be apologetic and assure her that I am not hitting on her partner.
But instead, I started crying cause it felt as if she was questioning my character and trying to make a point that I was wrong. I explained the situation to her and she said it’s fine I trust you but the thing is that when I was crying she started saying that I was overreacting and it’s not that big of a deal.
Am I overreacting? Am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“Wow, this sounds super complicated. First off you shouldn’t feel bad for adjusting your top like that. It’s not like you were flirting. Your friend sounds a bit petty honestly. As for Sarah and Anna maybe keep it chill with them.
Friends come and go, right? Keep your head up and focus on people who trust you for real.” xmerlivey
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Wow. You weren’t intentionally trying to do anything, you were just trying to have a fun time. The partner sucks and is clearly bad at interpretations, and the worst part, Sarah and Anna didn’t even think to trust you and automatically accused you of doing something you never committed to.
You were just adjusting your shirt because it made you uncomfortable to have it a certain way, not because you were trying to “hit” on anybody. Don’t be friends with these girls, they are going to drag you down for other things that they’ll probably accuse you of.
Just because Sarah is insecure doesn’t mean it explains her behavior, and she needs to deal with it herself. I’d really suggest just leaving and finding new friends for yourself because they are just not good girls, and they will never have your back.” RogueX047
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Sounds like you have too many friends, that are causing you drama. Maybe take in that friends circle a bit and let Sarah and Anna go. The partner probably broke up with you over things that Sarah said since they are so close and your other friends were warning you there was trouble.
Back away from the group, you will find better friends.” MrsNobodyspecial67
8. AITJ For Selling My Land To A Fraternity After Neighbors Ignored My Warnings?
“A few years back, I and my family moved to a college town. We were warned by people we knew who had lived there that we needed to be careful to pick a neighborhood that was not likely to be “studentified.” The college in town has gone through periodic expansions in enrollment but has never seemed interested in using its own land or resources to build sufficient student housing.
The result was that student housing developers would come into neighborhoods accessible to campus and engage in “blockbusting”. Like lowball, the saddest house on the street submits plans to build student housing and then the realtors swarm in scaring the other owners that the street is going to be the next frat row.
And the fact is that students and families do have problems mixing as neighbors. This was enough of a problem that the local zoning for some neighborhoods that would have otherwise been vulnerable had some restrictions that would make student housing impractical, but leave things otherwise unrestricted (largely limits on a number of unrelated individuals living in a housing unit).
A year after moving in, we learned the city was doing a zoning overhaul – much needed. But as part of the simplification, the university’s persuasion managed to sneak in a provision getting rid of these limits. When we learned of this, we figured maybe we could agree with our nearest neighbors to put in covenants/reciprocal easements that had the same provisions being stripped out of zoning.
I was also most worried about vacant land. There was one large parcel a block away, and I managed to buy it before the zoning change went through, so it was still relatively cheap. To sweeten the deal for neighbors I was asked to sign covenants, I offered to keep the parcel vacant forever.
Unfortunately, I couldn’t get a critical mass of people to agree – largely because many work for the college and seemed afraid of blowback if the school found out.
Honestly, my kids and I never loved the town. My wife wanted to be near her mom and sister.
My Mother-in-law died last year and my sister then said she was moving away. That was enough and we sold our house and left. I did not manage to sell the empty lot but put it on the market. Lo and behold, I was approached by a buyer.
Turns out, this buyer is a fraternal organization, and they want the land to be their new chapter house. They may subdivide and sell the resulting new plot to another frat or sorority. They are willing to pay up. I warned the neighbors this could happen and tried to protect the neighborhood, but they weren’t motivated enough to go through with it.
And we don’t live there anymore. But some former neighbors have heard this may be happening and now they are reaching out via email/text and complaining. WIBTJ if I said, “match the buyer’s price, or they get the land and can do as they please”?”
Another User Comments:
“Can’t blame you. You’ve done everything you could to protect the neighborhood and got no support from the neighbors. Now it’s not even your neighborhood anymore, why should you pass up on selling your lot? To save your ex-neighbors from themselves when they didn’t lift a finger to get on board with it?
You would not be the jerk to do what’s best for you now, not for them.” Content-Plenty-268
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You tried, and there’s no way you could have succeeded without community support. They were happy for you to fight their battle but not to pay for it.
Reminds me of people who were bemoaning the removal of a big elm tree when a lot was being developed. Everyone saying “It should have been turned into a park!” had years to call the number on the for sale sign posted 20 feet from the tree and make that happen, instead, they waited until the tree was half cut down before staging sit-ins and drum circles.
The tree had to be removed due to Dutch Elm disease anyway.” verminiusrex
Another User Comments:
“NTJ You’re wrong though… Don’t ask if they want to match the price. Ask if they will BEAT the price. Maybe you should auction it. And I’m not sure why people who USED to live there are chiming in.
Hopefully, you don’t care what they have to say. They have no dog in the fight.” LawyerDad1981
7. AITJ For Being Angry At My Friend For Deciding Who I Should Support In Their Divorce?
“I (F) had a very good friend (M) John in high school. He started seeing Jane. In college, I met and married my husband. We all went to the same college and all got along famously. It was really the most ideal thing ever.
One night, now 15 years into our friendship, and 11 years into my marriage, I hear the phone and my husband is basically flying out the door in the dead of night.
I said what is going on? He says he can’t tell me. He’s super uncomfortable with this. I see his phone says, John. He apologized profusely, said he didn’t know what to do, he could only say he promised not to say and left.
I sat up waiting for hours wondering what happened! My mind was spinning! Long story short, Jane was being unfaithful to John, using substances, and had a hysterectomy behind his back. John left her and gathered “the guys” to tell them.
My husband came home and was surprised I was still there.
Apparently, Jane was going to meet with me and “the girls” but took substances and passed out. Messing up the plan to tell everyone equally.
I confronted John saying I was friends with him before Jane! Before anyone in the group! Not only that he got my husband to lie to me?!
Unacceptable. He said they agreed Jane “could have me” in the split so he didn’t know what else to do. She doesn’t have much family and now has few to no friends.
John knows I’ve lost family members to substance addiction and the lies and hurt that came out of that.
Jane has been using substances, being unfaithful, and hiding it for like 10 years. She admitted to this. John desperately wanted a big family. That’s gone. They both knew this was not something I would forgive. Even if I did, it’s my choice who I decide to have, or not have, as friends.
I’m not property to split.
I let it go because I knew John was devastated. They had been trying to conceive and the whole time it was a lie.
My husband and I had a talk. I don’t approve but he thought I’d be getting my own call.
That I’d be confused and worried for minutes not hours.
Moving forward John says I need to be there for Jane. He invites my husband out but not me. We’re also devastated that our whole social group is imploding. My husband went to a few outings to be supportive and to give John time.
It’s been 6 months and still no invites for me.
John has said he has nothing against me in this. Jane came clean and no one in my group is suspected of covering up for her, etc. She simply “asked for me” and it’s “the least he could do”.
The group is divided. Some say I should be there for Jane. I’ve known her most of my life and they say she shouldn’t start from scratch without any friends after a split, rehab, etc. On the secret hysterectomy alone I just can’t respect her anymore.
I don’t want her as a friend….. but I’m the only one she asked for.”
Another User Comments:
“Anyone causing division between me and my spouse would be getting cut off I do not care what their personal problem is do not bring that drama to my home and relationship.
I would be cutting John and Jane off if they think this is an acceptable way to treat a person let alone two people who are a married couple. Period.” AdBroad
Another User Comments:
“How did no one notice she had a hysterectomy? That is a major surgery.
Most of the different options include some sort of scar on the abdomen that John would have noticed. There’s also no insertion allowed for at least 6 weeks (so no intimacy). It takes most women at least that long to feel more normal and resume normal activities without restrictions.
She also wouldn’t have periods afterward. How did her partner not notice any of this?” cmh2548
Another User Comments:
“The number of people who are responding to this as if this is real and not just a giant load of bull crap is surprising.
A hysterectomy is major surgery, that requires years on a waiting list and requires months of recovery. And that months of recovery include a couple of days in the hospital after the surgery. You don’t just get a hysterectomy behind your husband‘s back.” mudbunny
6. AITJ For Calling The Cops On My Possible New Neighbors?
“So I (20F) live in a house that was broken up into apartments. The attic is two apartments, the ground floor is two, and the basement is one.
I live in one of the attic apartments. The way it was modified was around the side of the house there is a door, when you open that door there’s a rather steep and narrow staircase straight up to the two attic apartments. So the only possible neighbor I risk running into on the inside of the building would be that second attic apartment.
When I first moved in 8 months ago the person across the hall was just at the tail end of the eviction process and left all of his stuff and his cat. So someone took the cat and the whole apartment had to be gutted because that place was one step away from being a biohazard.
So for as long as I’ve lived here, that apartment has been empty.
Around 9 pm I was chilling with my partner when I thought I heard talking in the hallway, a thick stench of smoke wafting through the door. I threw on a shirt and peeked my head out the door to see a man and a woman messing with the door to the other apartment.
I initially apologized and they just said they were trying to get into the apartment. It was locked and they didn’t have a key. I closed the door and told my partner about it and then called my landlord because I had never seen anyone go in and finish actually fixing that apartment since I moved here.
I asked if anyone was living there or moving in and she said not and to call the police.
As I hung up with her my partner and I heard the door of the other apartment pop open. I called the police to tell them there were people possibly trespassing and explained the whole situation.
As I said that the door slammed and they bolted down the stairs and ran to a truck parked around the back. My partner was able to get photos of the truck and we shared it with the police who tracked down the couple. The weird part was they said they were tenants and called the homeowner on the spot for them, a man (my landlord is a woman).
So I called my landlord back confused, and she was just as confused as I was. She did co-own the property with a man, but it was agreed upon that she handle contracts, finances, and moving people in while he handled maintenance and upkeep of the property.
She also said that in the 20 years she’s worked with him he’s never gone behind her back to move tenants in. So she also talked to the cop and low and behold the people had the right name and person who co-owns the house, so he just hadn’t told her.
Now I’m worried I had overreacted and ruined possible relations with people I’ll be living in such close proximity to. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, since what they told the police isn’t even necessarily the truth. My best guess would be the “landlord” they called was actually the old tenant, who left something of value behind hidden in the wall or floorboard or something.
But who knows?” Empress_Clementine
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You worry too much about what people will think about you. You did exactly what you thought you should do and what was confirmed by your landlord. If anyone needs to smooth things out with these new tenants it is the landlords.” Plus-King5266
5. AITJ For Confronting My Acapella Group's President About Excessive Photo Editing?
“I (26F) am in an acapella performance group with nine other people, ranging from 26 to 50. As one of the more tech-savvy members, I’ve been put in charge of making graphics to post on social media to announce gigs, but the president of the group (46F) handles the actual posting on socials.
I prefer it this way, but an issue has come up recently.
It was subtle at first, but slowly it’s become more and more clear that she’s been really heavily editing the photos. It was just her own photos at first (like, pics taken mid-show of her that she edits) but now she’s taken up editing…well, everyone.
There are a few main issues:
1. The photos she edits of herself (and now other people) are really obviously edited. Picture 2015 Snapchat “beauty” filters or that “yassification” meme from a few years ago. And beyond that, it’s making jawlines slimmer, changing eye shape/size, etc. Even adding essentially “digital hair extensions” and more makeup.
It’s uncomfortable at best, and insulting at worst.
2. The filter is also an AI filter, and when the filter “catches” parts of the photo that have words/complex things in it, it gets warped. In one photo, someone was wearing a pin with words on it that got super weird in the way only AI can make it weird.
3. She isn’t asking any of us if it’s okay that she edits our photos. Again, this was whatever when she was just editing her own (even though it was really obvious and botched the overall picture quality), but now it’s others in the group.
A few of us discussed it and brought it up gently.
I mentioned how people, especially my fellow Gen-Zers online, can really easily clock AI editing, and it might reflect weirdly/poorly on us. Plus, the issue of not asking permission to edit others.
She got defensive, saying, “Well, sometimes we need the editing.” That rubbed me the wrong way, so I replied (more kindly than I’m expressing here): “It’s best practice to ask for consent before changing someone’s entire face structure on FaceApp.
You can edit your own face, but others didn’t ask to be edited.” She countered, “If I only edit my face, it’s really obvious unless I do it to everyone else.” I couldn’t argue that it’s obvious even in solo shots of her, so I dropped it.
I tried to wrap up by saying: “We need to be careful about editing and get consent before posting heavily edited graphics–” She cut me off with: “Well, I don’t want graphics even made where I have a double chin.”
(It’s also worth noting that she gets annoyed with other members who are self-critical about how they look in the photos she posts and tends to handpick shots where *she* looks the best, regardless of others.)
I know this likely stems from her own self-esteem issues, but she seems to be putting that pressure on the rest of us. Now she’s acting really upset with me, and we couldn’t discuss anything else regarding an upcoming show because she was too mad.
I feel like an insensitive jerk for bringing it up, but it’s spiraled out of control. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ you are trying to communicate to a Gen Xer who doesn’t understand social media very well. You mention that she is the president, how is it that she is president?
Are there other offices in the group of 9 of you? How do you normally resolve conflict? Do you guys have like “business meetings” to address things like this that happen in the group in a formal setting outside of rehearsals?” ISpewVitriol
Another User Comments:
“NTJ I had a colleague who did this with some of our work photos without asking.
They were posted on the wall for parents and students to see. One was so bad we laughed until tears ran down our faces. Literally. I had sore stomach muscles the next day and we still send the photo back and forth when we’re feeling down.
The “editor” of the photo was extremely lucky her victims weren’t more angry. It’s unethical and just plain rude to edit photos without permission.” SleveBonzalez
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and she needs to stop being allowed to manage your digital footprint for the band. She is making you all look like idiots who don’t know how to correctly edit a photo.
Whatever she is afraid she looks like, poorly edited photos look WAY worse. Someone else needs to be in charge of photos and you need to tell her point blank she is doing a bad job. If she wants to get better at it, great.
But no, she does not have your permission to make you look like a clown and ruin your professional reputation because she doesn’t like her chin(s). ” External-Hamster-991
4. AITJ For Dismissing My Fiancée's Belief That Our Apartment Is Haunted?
“My fiance Lynn and I (both 28) have been together for 5 years now. We are in a great relationship, so I can’t complain much about a lot. In terms of personalities, we get along well. We have many similarities and also many differences. For one, I’m an atheist and I don’t believe in anything supernatural. Or spiritual. Lynn on the other hand is very spiritual and believes in the “other side” and has told me accounts of supernatural things that have happened throughout her life.
Well fast forward to now, and this whole issue, we moved into a new apartment last year together and it’s caused nothing but constant stress for her. And now me. The people in the apartment building are pretty nice, but I do admit everybody there is a little strange.
They all go into each other’s apartments, have keys, and hang out together. There are 6 units here.
This apartment was made in the 1800s so it’s an old Victorian house. No doubt it has history, but the stuff that’s happened has been weird. But I don’t believe it’s due to supernatural things.
I think it all can be explained. Lynn seems to think it can’t be explained since all of these issues seem to happen and stop all at once. When “there’s a presence” in the apartment, some weird things do all happen and it does stop when said spirit leaves.
– The first time this all happened was a month after we moved in. The issue seems to be in the kitchen. Our cat peed in the kitchen in the middle of the floor which she never does, and never wants to go in the kitchen.
– The broom in between the fridge and wall would fall over randomly when there was nobody there. This is what happened the most.
– Shampoo bottles fell off the shower. I thought maybe a neighbor did it by slamming the door, but nobody was home the day I witnessed it.
– As this was happening, the fire alarm went off at 1-3 am. As we got out of bed to turn it off, it immediately stopped. I replaced the battery. Cleaned dust. Tested for carbon monoxide with our separate alarm. Nothing.
When this all happens, we both seem to wake up in the middle of the night for no reason.
Then this all stops and nothing ever falls. The alarm never goes back on. And there are no weird noises. Until it comes back. I told her that it’s all just an old house and things fall. The fridge is a little older, so maybe we won’t close it all the way.
There are explanations for everything. The other day, these things all happened again. While she was in the shower, the picture frame we have in the bathroom fell and shattered and that’s what did it for her. She was telling me she wanted to leave, she’s paranoid.
But I told her she needs to seek help for her paranoia with this because it’s starting to be too much. We cannot just leave now. There are no ghosts.”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. You don’t have to subscribe to her beliefs, but that goes both ways.
Respect her beliefs and don’t just flat out tell her that she’s wrong. Calling her paranoid is a jerk move – it’s not all in her head, you’ve seen it too! Get the stick out of your backside, be a little more open and respectful towards her, and have an open conversation about what to do.” Snowlantern
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Not because you don’t believe in ghosts, but because you are discounting your partner’s beliefs. There probably are explanations for these events, but the *fact of the matter* is that *no one* knows what happens after death. You may have more concrete reasons for your beliefs in atheism, but it is still an ideology, and you are putting your ideology over hers in an inflexible way.
Therapy does not usually work to change ideology-based beliefs. You need to think more about this and try to find a compromise that acknowledges her point of view and is practical in terms of your lease, etc.” flow2ebb2flow
Another User Comments:
“If you can’t convince her it is old house behavior and she can’t get you to move, can you maybe work on her seeing it as a harmless annoyance?
Nothing to fear here! My husband and I also live in a +170-year-old building. We have both seen some weird stuff here…enough to raise an eyebrow, but not enough for a YouTube channel. We just go with it. We call whatever is here our “roommate”.
Whenever something weird happens, and the cats are accounted for and innocent, we just look at each other, “Must be the roommate”! Our theory is that if something *is* here, it’s friendly at best and uninterested at worst. If it were to leave, what may move in its place?” Ryllan1313
3. AITJ For Looking Up My Brother-In-Law's Online Partner's Background?
“My brother-in-law (M23) has been online seeing a woman he met in an MMO.
Cool, that’s fine, right? What’s the big deal?… The woman is a 40-year-old from Brazil.
My wife has been worried about this relationship for a while, especially now that her brother is planning to travel to see his partner and stay with her for 4 months.
He even hinted at the wish to live in Brazil with her.
She has been very suspicious of the matter. She has a ton of concerns about the possibility of him being catfished, or the issues due to the age gap, or that he might be taken advantage of, or that he might get scammed and sucked dry of what little money he has.
She pretty much raised her brother and sees him as a very naive and sweet guy, and is afraid that he could end up in a dangerous situation in another country where he won’t have anyone who could help him and in which he wouldn’t even speak the language.
She has been talking with him, giving him advice, and voicing her concerns. But he always reassures her that he knows what he is doing, that it’s not a catfishing situation, and that she shouldn’t worry about it. My wife didn’t want to cross the line of looking this woman up online.
So, I did it. I personally had no issue looking her up and told my wife that I would do it and if I found something suspicious I would tell her. My reasoning was that it was worth using publicly available information to judge if a person is trustworthy.
My first results weren’t her social media accounts, it was 5 lawsuits against her, most of which involved legal issues with banks. The rest of the things I found included an inconsistency regarding where she told my brother-in-law that she worked, he told us she worked IT at a logistics company, but she works IT at an industrial company, but this might have been due to his misunderstanding because of the language barrier, the confusion is so minor that I don’t think this was a malicious thing.
I also found out that she looks like a model which just made the whole catfishing thing even more possible to me. Her socials are all about her love of traveling, but she has 5 lawsuits issued by banks and apparently doesn’t want to help my brother-in-law with travel expenses.
I told my wife who then spoke with her brother. He once again took it well, he appreciated her concerns and tried to reassure her again. My wife decided that she had done enough to warn him, he is an adult and can make his own choices.
However, her brother went on and told his partner that we looked her up and she is now furious, claiming that we violated her privacy. I maintain that we just checked out what’s publicly available online. I can see why she would be upset. But I don’t think I did something horrible.
What do you think? AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – Public information is…public. At 40 one should understand a friend or family member wants the best for him and given she lives far away people will read information connected to her. Her being upset raises an alarm, IMO.
In addition to keeping in touch with him, ask if he will share his travel information with you such as his visa, Passport, address, and full legal name should you need to contact the local police. If he will work remotely while in Brazil can his sister be added to his employer’s HR emergency contact list?
If he stops reporting to work your wife will be notified. You should also decide on a one to two-word statement that tells you he is not safe….agree upon two options; Get to an embassy or a police station. Real possibilities in all countries: Getting roped into illegal and life-devastating traps like the trade/slave industry.
All genders and backgrounds are victimized each year. It’s OK to share you may never see him again. It’s OK if you think I am an alarmist but plan accordingly and may the best outcome be your reality.” DesertSong-LaLa
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and I can see why she is concerned, especially with the lawsuits.
If the woman didn’t have anything to hide, she would not be upset. I have seen people I met online, one internationally. He openly admitted to his family looking me up and I just laughed and said I did the same because it was true.
He came to visit me first for my comfort and safety and had a set time he facetimed with his family daily. Then the next visit I went to see him and my family had his contact information in case they needed it. I also contacted them daily to let them know I was okay.” TimelyApplication723
Another User Comments:
“NTJ it does make one feel off when their info is looked up online, but with how the internet is these days, it shouldn’t be a surprise that someone tried to… especially when she’s trying to see someone who is nearly half her age it does seem really suspicious, especially if she’s expecting your brother in law to shoulder all the costs to meet… and if they get really angry, that’s how scammers usually behave when found out (deny + divert attention by throwing anger at person).” LittleThoughtBubbles
2. AITJ For Not Telling My Partner That My Son Is Adopted?
“I (34F) have a 10-year-old son we’ll call Arthur. I adopted him when he was 2, as his godparent, after his mother passed away and his father was never in the picture.
Arthur has always had trouble making friends, but he made a great one this past year—a 10-year-old boy in his grade, who we’ll call Elliot.
I didn’t plan on it, but Elliot’s father (38M), who we’ll call Edward, and I became very close. We come from very different backgrounds: Edward grew up in a stable, high-income home, mostly raising Elliot in Europe until about a year and a half ago when they moved to our area.
I grew up in a poor family and was raised by my uncle after my mother died. I had a rough childhood and was involved in crime when I was younger, but I’ve been on the straight and narrow for Arthur’s sake.
I didn’t want my relationship with Edward to affect Arthur and Elliot’s friendship, but after agreeing that the boys would always come first, we began loosely seeing each other about a year ago.
A few weeks ago, Arthur got really sick while Edward was watching him. I was an hour away fixing something at a friend’s house, and Edward took Arthur to the ER when things got worse. His appendix had burst. When I got there, Arthur was in surgery, and he went into anaphylactic shock due to the anesthetic.
The doctors started asking about family medical history, and I couldn’t provide any information since I’m not biologically related to Arthur. I never knew his mother’s family. Edward tried to help, but I was panicked and lashed out, saying that Arthur wasn’t my biological son.
Edward walked away to give me space. Arthur’s fine now, but he had some complications and spent a few weeks in the hospital. Since then, Edward and I have barely spoken because of an argument that followed.
Edward was upset that I hadn’t told him Arthur was adopted. I can understand why, but it never came up, and I didn’t see the point in mentioning it.
I wasn’t hiding it, but I didn’t have concrete plans to tell him, either. The situation escalated, and we both said hurtful things. I brought up Elliot’s mother, who I knew nothing about. I didn’t really care about her, but I made it seem like I did.
From what I knew, Edward had raised Elliot on his own. I feel like our situations are similar, but Edward insists they’re different. He says it’s relevant that Arthur isn’t biologically mine, but I don’t think it changes anything. I didn’t want Arthur to know he was adopted before he could fully understand.
We’ve never had an argument like this before. The only time we had a similar conversation was when I told him about my past. I felt like that was relevant because it directly involved me. He was understanding then, and there wasn’t nearly as much conflict.
Now I’m unsure if not telling him about Arthur was the right decision. He’s a kind man, but this caught me off guard, and we both said things we regret.
AITJ for not telling my friend my son is adopted?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ Your son is FAR too old not to know his adoption story. We start telling babies before they are verbal. Your choice, if true, is abusive and will cause him trauma. Because he is so old, you need to find a family therapist immediately and work with them to tell this boy his history right away and help him process his birth mother’s death.
I don’t care about this friend of yours but his attitude about adoption is gross.” EmceeSuzy
Another User Comments:
“YTJ for not telling *Arthur* that he’s adopted. He *absolutely* has the right to know that information from a far younger age than 10. As for Edward, it shouldn’t be a secret “kept” from him, but it also shouldn’t be super relevant information that he needs to know in order to see you.
He should be told eventually, but if it’s never come up in convo before, then there’s no reason you needed to tell him as some big reveal.” Late_Butterfly_5997
Another User Comments:
“You’re supposed to tell adopted kids that they are adopted long before they understand what adoption is.
The advice adoptive parents get is to tell the kid often that they’re adopted so that it becomes a normal thing that they’ve always known about. Springing it on them when they’re older is traumatic, regardless of how well they understand the concept of adoption.” ohdearitsrichardiii
1. AITJ For Not Celebrating Father's Day After My Husband Forgot My Special Days?
“I (34) female and my husband (36) male have been married for 12 years. For the past 6 years, my husband has forgotten my birthday, Mother’s Day, and our anniversary. At first, I would be upset and cry to him because how could my husband forget about me on the important days of the year?
Everyone close to me knows my love language is gifts no matter how big or small. I would write my husband cards, buy his favorite cologne, and shoes, and leave little cute sticky notes around to show my love and appreciation to him. Eventually, I got tired of crying and begging my husband to remember and celebrate with me on the days that matter the most. Father’s Day came around and usually, my husband would wake up to breakfast in bed with a day planned out to celebrate him but today he woke up to absolutely nothing.
My husband came up to me asking if breakfast was ready and I pointed him to the fridge where all the ingredients for the breakfast he wanted were waiting to be cooked. I decided to have a day of pampering for myself. While I was out my phone kept going off like crazy.
When I looked at my phone it was messages from my mother-in-law expressing her disappointment in me for lack of appreciation for my husband. She told me he called her upset because I didn’t do anything for Father’s Day for him. I explained to my mother-in-law why I didn’t do anything and she explained to me that my husband has never been good with remembering dates or planning things romantically.
I kindly told my mother-in-law that what she was saying was false because the one thing that made me fall in love with my husband was his show of appreciation for me. He used to plan dates, buy me flowers, and surprise me with little meaningful things to show his love.
After I got off the phone with my mother-in-law I started to head home.
Once I arrived my husband angry started expressing the way he felt without caring to hear why I chose not to celebrate this day for him. The conversation turned into an argument that ended with my husband going to stay with his parents.
It has been three days and he has not contacted me or returned any of my calls. Today is my husband’s sister’s baby shower and I got a text from her asking me not to come due to the issues me and my husband are having and that she doesn’t want him to be upset or uncomfortable.
I am beyond hurt that my husband is acting this way and I am also wondering did I really just ruin my marriage because I wanted to make my husband feel what it’s like to be forgotten? Was it worth it? Am I the jerk for not celebrating Father’s Day for my husband?”
Another User Comments:
“What marriage is there to ruin? Marriage is a partnership and he just wants it to be one-sided. What he did during your courtship is called love bombing. He showered you with love and attention to get what he wanted. Once he had it, he dropped the act.
He is selfish and immature and he inherited that from his family. Maybe your second husband will treat you better now that you know what to watch for.” shaylgarcia
Another User Comments:
“Holy crap, NTJ. What a tool. It’s hard work to continue expressing love that goes unrequited. He didn’t get his breakfast and goes running to mummy.
The only thing perhaps you could have done differently is communicate it before the day. “I think I’ll join you in not celebrating special occasions anymore. It was important to me, but you don’t seem interested, so we’ll just leave it. If you want a Father’s Day breakfast, the ingredients are all in the kitchen.”” BB_67
Another User Comments:
“You did not ruin the marriage…He did ?!! He’s a petulant child and a jerk. He has shown you NO signs of affection, appreciation, or respect!!! He goes running to his parents. His sister disinvited you ?? Good for you for not being thoughtful!!
Bravo to you for speaking the truth !! Bravo to you for Speaking up for yourself and loving yourself enough too !!! Do not call him, text him…he needs to realize He IS WRONG!!! He obviously has no regard for you !!! With your absence let him realize you are the best he’ll ever get and he’s wrong for running away and engaging his parents in this !!
If I were you I would also start preparing to separate!!! There is a likelihood your marriage may get worse. Believe me when I say it you are not wrong!!! You would be wrong calling him, texting him because he wants you to feel bad !!
He’s trying to punish you for standing up for yourself!!” lifevisions
