People Have Fiery Drama In These "Am I The Jerk?" Stories
20. AITJ For Suspecting A Phone Borrow Scam At A Bus Stop?
“I was at this grimy bus stop, when a woman asks me if my phone has minutes.
Being the autistic fool I am, I give her the time. After she clarifies that she needs to call someone and asks whether my phone can call someone, I say yes, forgetting that my phone is time locked, so I dial the number but it can’t call anyone, making me look like a jerk.
Then the man sitting on the other side of me asks my name, and I ask “Why?” While we make acquaintance, he keeps mentioning that I’m rude and asking why I am like that. Nonetheless, when the bus comes, he invites me “to come with them.” I decline politely by saying “No thanks.” Then I learn that the bus they wanted doesn’t even stop at their stop, and they walk off.
Am I paranoid to suspect that this was all an elaborate con and not just people being nice/asking for help?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I’ve heard too many stories about people “borrowing” a phone and somehow being able to transfer money to their account, leaving the phone owner out of money.
Plus, who’s to say they are on the phone longer than expected and/or won’t give the phone back? My phone is for my use only. Next time, decline and say your phone is low on battery and that you need to save it.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“The phone borrow scam is super common. And having a partner nearby to distract you makes it even easier. Scammers often play up the indignation and call you rude the moment you question them. “How dare you! I am an honest person!
I will not have you ruin my name!” Screw their good name. They’re scammers or they’re jerks. Either way, they’re trying to cause you problems. Let them be angry. You be safe. NTJ.” kevwelch
Another User Comments:
“Does nobody else think this was more than just an attempted robbery?
Like maybe an attempted kidnapping. I feel like if they just wanted to rob someone, once they ran into difficulty with OP they would try to find an easier target. The fact that they tried to get her to go with them is super suspicious, and then they didn’t get on the bus?
Sketchy.” crazybicatlady86
19. AITJ For Kicking My Sister Out Of My Business After 10 Years Of Unprofessional Behavior?
“I own my own business, and for 10 years my sister has been living on site as “security” and doing odd jobs for very, very, very cheap rent.
She has mental health issues and had previously been with our parents, so I wanted to give her some freedom. Over the 10 years, there have been multiple and repeated issues that I have ignored because I did not want to “upset things,” so to speak.
Her ups and downs can be wild. There have also been many issues that I have brought up and demanded changes.
My business has grown considerably, and in the last 2 years, I have constantly been getting complaints about her attitude, the way she speaks to people (staff and clients), plus she has not been fulfilling her side of the work/rental agreement.
Last week, after 5+ separate incidents, I kicked her out. I gave her 30 days, although she left immediately. She has now moved back to our mom’s, who thinks I’m the jerk because “she doesn’t have anything else.” My sister says I’ve taken everything away from her.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. All she had to do was her job and apparently couldn’t manage to do that! She has had a decade to get her crap together and find something else if she wasn’t willing to do what she was supposed to do.
So, just as if it was anyone else not related to you, it is not your problem! In fact, since it was your sister, you were most likely overly lenient compared to if it had been anyone else! You didn’t take anything from her, except her crap for 10 years, which was probably 9 years too many!” StangF150
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You gave her a job and a place to live. As an employee, she had duties to fulfill, including treating customers and other staff with respect. She didn’t, you warned her, then you fired her. Since you can’t trust her, also make sure you change all the locks.
It’ll be expensive, but it could possibly save you trouble in the future if she decides to access your business for nefarious purposes.” JumpingSpider97
Another User Comments:
“Why would anybody think that you would be willing to let your sister harm your business and the way you make a living?
It makes no sense. It sounds like you’ve been more than generous and more than patient, but it’s time for her to deal with her own issues. Good for you for standing up for yourself.” [deleted]
18. AITJ For Selling My House To Strangers Instead Of My Ex’s Friends?
“My house is for sale. It’s being sold because my marriage unexpectedly broke down after I found out my husband – “Adam” – had been having a year-long affair and, when caught, he moved out.
Adam has been a real jerk in the aftermath – very justified, hostile, and mean. It’s been awful. Did I mention we have two kids? They are 3 and 1. I was pregnant the entire time he was unfaithful.
I digress. The house is in my name and is operating under a private sale.
And right now, there are a few parties competing for it. I’ll sell it in the next 72 hours to clear our debts.
Here’s the kicker: his best friend (his best man) and his wife want to buy it. But they didn’t tell me.
They had the estate agent tell me. These are people who I have called friends for a long time, but when this affair broke out, they were sympathetic and then vanished in the last 6 months. They ghosted me and the children – they would be cordial when I ran into them, and I would be too – but other than that, no support.
Now they are in a tight race with others to buy it and I find the entire scenario weird and deeply awkward. Why wouldn’t they just call and tell me beforehand?! Why get the agent to tell me? There are better ways to go about this.
They aren’t bad people. Just awkward.
This is so crappy and emotional. But on a logical front, sell this darn house.
So the offers are coming in, and they’re getting pretty tight money-wise and similar in terms. I told the agent that someone needs to differentiate and make a bigger offer so that I’m not splitting hairs.
I am reluctant to sell to them as it’s so weird and awkward. I feel like they’re dancing on the grave a bit. I really want these other bidders I don’t know to get it because I don’t want to make a decision.
I don’t really see these friends anymore – my husband does – and I can see it for what it is, despite it being really disappointing of them.
Would I be the jerk if I went with these other people if the offers and terms were practically the same?”
Another User Comments:
“Wow, these people suck. I can understand why you wouldn’t want to sell to them. It’s a real gut punch. However, if you refuse to sell to them, no matter what, they can paint you as the villain of the tale, which might very well give your ex an ‘out’ with any remaining mutual friends and family.
‘Sure, unfaithfulness is bad, but the truth is OP’s a total jerk. Just look at how she’s screwing over BFF!’ Make the sale strictly about who has the better offer, taking into account credit lines versus cash offers, etc. Don’t give your ex any ammunition to use against you.
NTJ, but be careful.” literallylittlehuff
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, you owe them nothing. In fact, it sounds like they helped cover for your husband and actively acted against you. They aren’t any friends of yours, and going to the effort of bidding on a house without even speaking to the seller, when they know them personally, means they know they are not expecting any favours.
Screw them. Personally, I would absolutely be factoring that into my decision. Only you can say how much you are willing to let spite cost you in terms of the selling price, though. How much money will it take above the next best offer for you to be willing to compromise and sell the house to a jerk?” Nrysis
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. We ended up in our current house because the previous family about to buy was actually friends with the family who was selling. Turns out this was their plan B house all along and they just strung them along. Don’t choose someone because they are friends because people take advantage of that situation.
We also weren’t the highest bidder, actually, and there was another offer that was cash, but my husband worked at the seller’s alma mater. People choose whoever they want and it doesn’t need to be the highest bidder. Letters aren’t allowed anymore but people will choose based on random criteria, like if they had family or looked like they wouldn’t cause issues during inspection and such.
You owe them nothing and if I had to guess they know they did wrong which is why they didn’t let you know and kept it professional. Choose the best offer but also make sure you choose someone who is serious and will not back out.
Fewer people are going to come by if your house goes contingent then back on the market.” No-Muscle5314
17. AITJ For Refusing To Bail Out My Brother's Debt Cycle?
“I (26F) recently got a much better-paying job. It’s a great opportunity and has given me more financial freedom. I didn’t tell many people about the pay increase, but my brother (28M) found out and immediately asked me to help him pay off his debts.
Now, to give some background, my brother has always struggled with finances. (I think he might have a gambling problem.) He’s always living paycheck to paycheck, and whenever he gets into a rough spot, he asks family for help. I’ve helped him before, but honestly, it just doesn’t seem to be helping him long-term.
He keeps making the same mistakes.
I told him no this time. I suggested he start budgeting better or maybe even talk to a financial advisor, but he didn’t take it well. He’s upset and now he’s telling the rest of the family that I’m being selfish.
Some of them are on my side, but others think I should help him out because we’re family, and I’m in a better position now.
I feel like I’m not obligated to help him if he isn’t willing to change his habits. But I also feel guilty because he’s struggling.
AITJ for saying no?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ… ‘Family, I have offered to help my brother out by helping him to create a budget or using the services of a financial advisor so that he may learn not to ever put himself in the position again of asking family members to pay his debts for him.
But, by all means, if you all think that paying his debts for him is the better option, you may, of course, do so for him. I, myself, will no longer be offering that route.'” Worth-Season3645
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Having more money does not mean that you should give your brother more money.
He’s an adult (and, in fact, is two years older than you) and is responsible for himself. It’s not like he’s in the middle of an emergency that’s not his fault. It’s just greed, envy, and bad decisions. As far as family that disagrees with you, ‘Thank you for your support.
I’ll let him know you expressed interest in providing him with some money because you’re family.'” extinct_diplodocus
Another User Comments:
“Nope, just nope. He’s a grown man fully capable of learning how to do his own finances and budgeting. If you continue giving him money, you’re just enabling him and he’s never going to get better.
Stand your ground. You do not owe him anything just because he’s a family member. There are groups out there — that probably meet online — for people who are struggling with money management. Perhaps suggest that he sign up for one. If he continues to pressure you, belittle you, disrespect you, and give you a hard time, you should really consider going no contact until he gets his act together.
Congratulations on the new job and I hope that you are taking the extra income and putting it in a savings account.” Hope-maaven2378
16. AITJ For Using The Accessible Stall When A Wheelchair User Was Waiting?
“There are a ton of reasons why a person may use the accessible stall. That’s something that I’m very aware of. But I’m also aware that wheelchair users can only use that one stall.
The main reason I use that stall is the same reason I have a service dog: seizures. I have seizures very often, and I’m not always aware of when I’m starting to have one. If I’m in a regular-sized stall and I have a seizure, my body will block the door, meaning it would be very difficult for someone to get to me.
Since there’s that safety risk, I use the accessible stall.
This happened a few hours ago. I went to pick up a package at my city’s UPS store, which is in the mall. Usually, I have my service dog with me, but she’s sick, so I had to go by myself.
I ended up having to go to the bathroom.
There wasn’t a line for the bathroom, but there was a person who came into the bathroom behind me. That person was a wheelchair user. I did see them, but I went into the accessible stall.
I used the toilet and left the stall as fast as I could so as not to make the person wait too long.
When I got out of the stall, the woman looked me in the face and told me that it was a jerk move to use the stall when I knew she was there.
I brushed it off at first because I know how many reasons there are for using that stall.
But talking to some of my friends, they told me that I was a jerk for not letting her use the bathroom first. So I’m thinking, what if I actually was a jerk in this case?
AITJ for using the accessible stall when there was a wheelchair user behind me.
Clarification: There was only one accessible stall.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I’m not in a wheelchair either, but the handicapped stall is often the only one with handrails. I have a bad foot.
I have to use the handrails to stand. But to see me walking and with my brace under my pants, you can’t see that I’m also handicapped. Sometimes, I also have to partially undress to take a shot, and you can’t do that in a normal small stall.
When my children were little, we used the handicap stall so I could keep them together. Even in a wheelchair, it doesn’t mean that handicap stalls are only for them. And to be honest, waiting might have put you in a bad spot because when I take my wheelchair-bound parent to the bathroom, we are not quick—it takes time to transfer from the chair, remove clothing, and sit.
Then stand, dress, and transfer back to the chair. When my mom goes without an assist, it’s never less than 15 minutes. So you going in first and being quick was for the best.” becoming_maxine
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Those stalls are handicap accessible, not exclusive.
They aren’t like parking spots. Should people who don’t need them prioritize using a regular bathroom if one is available? Sure. Do I think someone who doesn’t need that shall have to avoid it if it’s the next and only available stall? No. Not that it matters, because you have a totally valid need to use the stall with more space.
Just because she’s in a wheelchair doesn’t mean she will never have to wait to use a bathroom like anyone else.” GodzillaSuit
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. You have a disability. That accessible stall provides the support that you need. The problem with invisible disabilities is that there’s no way for a stranger to know if you have a disability or you’re just a jerk abled person.
They deal with slights against them all day, every day, so they will likely assume the latter since that’s also a higher % chance on top of it. You are not obligated to disclose your disability. However, if you don’t want someone to think you’re a jerk, you could just say, “Apologies, I actually have a disability that requires this stall”.
You will either allay irritation at you or just make them more upset. If it’s the latter, there’s nothing you could do that wouldn’t cause that reaction anyway. IMO snapping back with “not all disabilities are visible” is not merited on the first interaction, but it is great to hold in reserve if the person is still mad at you.
I saw a comment about lower bladder capacity for wheelchair users below, and I’m glad I learned that today as well.” HistoricalQuail
15. AITJ For Refusing To Attend My Neglectful Mother's Funeral?
“My mother passed away the day before yesterday. She was 94. I have not seen her in more than 16 years. When I was contacted by a family member with the news, I made it very clear that I had no intention of attending her funeral. My family member was shocked and even upset.
I tried not to sound mean or anything to him; that was not my intention.
A little background: My mother had me 66 years ago, back when women were “obligated” to have kids. Much to her displeasure, she eventually ended up having my younger brother and me.
She clearly did not want to be a mother. We were raised by nannies. I have never been told that she loved me, ever – nor given me a hug or a kiss. She has never shown much interest in me as a person, or in her daughter either.
She only showed as much attention as she had to so as not to look like a bad mother, especially given my dad’s job (high-earning executive). We both went to private boarding schools as soon as she could talk our father into sending us away; we were an interference in her life!
About 10 years ago, I had a life-threatening illness and was not expected to survive. Doctors told my husband to call my family in to say goodbye, as I was not expected to survive. My husband called everyone, including her. When he called her, her reply to the news that I wouldn’t survive more than a couple of days was, “Well, thank you for calling and goodbye.” No questions and no concern at all.
We found out later that the reason she didn’t come to the hospital was that she had a long trip planned with friends, so she didn’t show up due to money problems and physical limitations.
She did not even call back to check on me or get details of what was wrong with me.
Don’t misunderstand; we lived less than 5 miles apart. It was not a matter of distance—even to the hospital, it was only about 7 miles for her.
After that, my husband, who is the nicest guy, did not like her when he eventually met her, and my husband likes everyone!
AITJ for telling the caller to “pack sand” by my refusing to attend her funeral? I can only speak for myself, but I am probably not the only one not attending! I don’t want to be a hypocrite.
So, AITJ???”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ The only question I’ll ask OP is whether or not they think they can live with the choice of skipping their mother’s funeral (although I have a hunch there will be no regret since there was never a close relationship between them).
OP, I can relate! My father was a piece of work. He was an emotionally abusive, financially controlling tyrant who was outwardly charming and kind—loved publicly by his peers and employees. After my mom finally left him and I began my adult life (post-university, career, etc.), I went low-contact and kept my distance.
When he died 15 years ago, I skipped his funeral; to this day, I have no regrets.” theproblem_solver
Another User Comments:
“This may not apply to you, but I heard of someone in a similar circumstance — absent mother, no desire to go to the funeral, etc. This person contacted the funeral home and asked for (and was granted) a private viewing of the body.
She spoke to her mother and told her just how that woman had made her feel, getting everything out of her system. (She may have also tucked in a letter, saying basically the same things, hidden in the lining — it’s been a long while, and I don’t remember for sure.) She explained to a mutual friend that saying the words aloud was a liberating experience for her and allowed her to firmly dismiss her mother’s existence as inconsequential to her.
I don’t know if such an action would give you any needed closure, but I thought I’d offer the suggestion. I’m so sorry that you didn’t have the loving mother you deserved.” CrazyOldBag
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Neglect is a form of abuse.
It can severely damage children in the most gut-wrenching ways. What a terrible introduction to life for a new human being – the denial of comfort, safety, affection, and love. I’m glad you’ve found a partner who can give you what you were denied as a child.
I also had an abusive childhood. One parent was violent. The other was so trapped in a freeze/fawn response by the violence that they were incapable of protecting us, and we experienced neglect. I now teach trauma survivors with histories like mine how to use mindfulness to heal. Part of that includes exploring forgiveness because when we don’t forgive, the resentment associated with what happened to us can eat us alive inside.
Holding on to resentment is like drinking poison and expecting someone else to get sick. It only harms us, that grudge. It does nothing to harm the abuser. They aren’t holding some candle for us while we ruminate on all the terrible things they did to us.
The abuser is not aware, they are not impacted, it does nothing to punish them. We only punish ourselves. But, forgiveness comes when it comes. It can’t be forced and sometimes, it never comes. This is okay. You are not obligated to forgive or pay respects to your abuser, especially if doing so feels like it would require betraying yourself.
The only time this makes sense is if forgiving feels natural and the next step to help you heal. If you feel seeing her face in that coffin would help you release what she did to you, then I would say go. If you feel spending a moment telling her in that coffin what she did to you was wrong, plain wrong, then go.
If you feel it would re-traumatize you, then don’t. Trust yourself. You lived this, nobody else, and that means only you can know what move is best. Here’s the hard part: your family may judge you, they may even shame you, they may call you cold, ungrateful, dark-hearted, but they did not live the abuse as you have.
So, LET THEM. Let them judge you. You do not owe them anything.” sionnachglic
14. AITJ For Not Trusting My Partner With Epilepsy To Care For Our Kids?
“My partner was just recently diagnosed with epilepsy after a very serious seizure, which I personally witnessed. We have two young children—a toddler and a newborn—and I am worried about him being alone to care for them until his seizures are under better control.
Let me set the stage a little bit by explaining that there was already an unfortunate incident with our newborn that has raised these concerns. He was up to take care of our newborn while I got some rest, as this was very soon after delivery.
While he was tending to them, he had a seizure, and our baby fell onto the hardwood floor. I woke up to find him unresponsive and realized that the noise that woke me was our child falling from my partner’s arms. We called 911, and our newborn and I were taken an hour away to a special pediatrics unit, as our baby suffered a brain hemorrhage.
Our baby is fine now and has been cleared by neuro teams and our regular pediatrician.
However, my partner is pushing me to get a job because we are struggling financially. I have been a stay-at-home mom for over a year now. When I raised my concerns about him being alone with the children for a long period of time, he told me, “Just get over it,” and that it wasn’t fair for me not to trust him with our children.
I tried explaining that I was simply afraid for everyone, including him; if I were at work and he had another seizure, I wouldn’t know until later. Not only could he accidentally hurt the children, but he might also be injured himself with no way to get help.
I know we need another income, but AITJ for being concerned about the wellbeing of my children and my partner if I leave them alone to work?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If it’s necessary for you to go to work (which sounds likely), the kids will need to be with another responsible person.
This could be a daycare provider, a young sitter or parent helper, a family member… just anyone who can take responsibility for moving the kids around as needed. If care is provided at home, the caregiver will have to make sure the kids are positioned safely when dad is holding them.
Your partner may be having a hard time facing his challenging chronic condition, but he can’t put his feelings ahead of the kids’ safety, especially while they are at an age where they frequently need to be lifted and held.” Amiedeslivres
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
It seems he’s maybe insecure over his situation and I feel for him, but it’s unfair to tell you to ignore it when there have been incidents in the past causing injury to your children. Reading that he was unresponsive, who knows how long it would have taken for him and the baby to get medical attention—especially if you were to get a job and leave him alone at the house.
Maybe also look into a service dog? I know they aren’t cheap and not ideal for every situation, but they might be able to sense when a seizure is going to come on, which would give him time to set the children aside and get into a safe space.” Entire-Response-9971
Another User Comments:
“I don’t know if you are in the US or not, but if you are, I’d recommend a few things. These are based on my being a healthcare provider in California. Look into getting him short-term (state) disability if it is available.
In my state, it is specifically for injuries or illnesses that will be controlled or resolved in a certain amount of time. You break your leg and need surgery on it, you may be out of work for 12 weeks, and this kind of disability helps you with income while you recover.
You have a newly diagnosed seizure disorder, and it may take several months to get controlled on the right dose of medication so that you can safely work. That should also qualify for a limited time on disability while his treatment is being adjusted or titrated. Check with your state’s disability program and his neurologist. California also has something called IHSS (in-home support services), where people with medical problems can have someone help in the home.
It can be with things like eating, using the bathroom, or showering. It can also be for things like preparing meals or getting to doctor’s appointments. Family members or others can get paid up to a certain number of hours a month to provide this kind of help.
Your husband might qualify for this kind of help; you’d have to discuss it with a doctor, if it’s even available in your area. Talk to your husband’s doctors or their nurses. They may be more support out there (especially in the short term) than you are aware of.
They don’t know what kind of help you need if you don’t ask, and you don’t know what is available if you don’t ask. Also, you are right not to trust his epilepsy. That doesn’t mean you don’t trust him; it’s his uncontrolled medical condition that is an untrustworthy jerk.
Completely unrelated to him as a person. NTJ.” Andreiisnthere
13. AITJ For Not Allowing My Ex's Problematic Partner To Attend My Child's Birthday Party?
“I (34F) and my ex (35M) have been separated for 2 years. He’s also now in a relationship where he lives with his problematic partner. They break up and get back together often, and she has been an absolute jerk to me whenever she gets the chance.
He knows this and hasn’t set her straight about being respectful toward me.
I am hosting and paying for our 3-year-old’s birthday party. I will be inviting him, but I do not want this woman there during the event. She’s trouble, and I want to take pictures of myself, our children, and their father for future mementos.
She is extremely jealous of all interaction between me and my ex, so I stopped talking to him altogether because of her behavior. We are actually past the petty stage of our breakup and don’t argue. She is the main point of issue when we do have to parent.
Am I the jerk for refusing to allow him to bring her? I know he’s said in the past that he will not attend the event if she cannot come.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. But you need to convince your ex that, by not inviting her, you are trying to reduce drama rather than create it.
This may be a tough sell. Point out all the things you have done to plan the party. Tell him you’re stressed about it all coming together and you don’t need another stressor — and he can’t deny that her presence will add stress. Tell him that if he can’t attend as a result, that’s fine, and he can do his own celebration with your daughter.” JeepersCreepers74
Another User Comments:
“It sounds like it might be better if you and your ex hosted separate birthday parties for your child. This same issue is going to come up at holidays, birthdays, and other important functions as long as they’re together. There will be school events, kindergarten graduations, and school music performances.
Expect to see her there with him which means if the two of you cannot be civil, you will have to sit separately and support your children on opposite sides of the auditorium. “She’s trouble and I want to take pictures of myself, our children, and their father for future mementos.” Honestly, you really don’t need to do this.
You are no longer together. If it were the child’s wedding day, maybe. But trying to jump in a picture with your ex at every little occasion when you have a tense relationship with his new partner… is not the way.” dragonsandvamps
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If anything, he is. I’m not trying to beat up on your ex, but if you’re in your 30s and still doing that crap, there’s a lack of maturity there. It is about your child, and you do not need to tiptoe around her in your own house, praying she does not cause a scene in front of family, friends, and children.
You’re better off. Maybe it will be a come-to-Jesus moment? I doubt it, but it’s better than her acting like a three-year-old. One thing I would do: I don’t know if you are working with a lawyer regarding the separation — I know they’ll charge you — but you might want to document this in case he tries to say you’re preventing him from seeing his child.” no_no_nora
12. AITJ For Refusing To Delete My Birthday Beach Photo For A Self-Conscious Friend?
“For my (33M) birthday, we had a beach party with my friends. It was a blast. As usual, I uploaded some pictures on social media, with the highlighted one—a picture of my friends throwing me into the pool—being my favorite shot of the day.
All my friends are included, the lighting is wonderful, and it has everything to be an A+ picture.
I have a friend, let’s call her Ana (29), who is neither slim nor fat, but she has always been too conscious about her body and always wants to look slimmer in every photo.
She texted me last night, requesting that I delete the pictures since she looks “fatty” in them. This is a common habit of hers; she usually asks everyone to delete photos in which she appears if she doesn’t like how she looks. She is usually polite and has been a good friend regardless, so the group normally complies just to keep things okay within the group.
To be honest, she is barely visible in the picture since she is in the background, and one would have to really look to spot her. I told her no, since it was my favorite picture of my birthday and I was the one standing out from everyone else.
People were commenting about me, not her, and since my profiles are restricted so that only my close friends could see them, I wouldn’t do it. We were both polite; she tried to convince me, but I stood my ground.
Well, today some friends have been calling and texting me, telling me that Ana says I was rude and that I was mocking her because she is fat, and some of them say that I should just delete the picture or edit it (which I wouldn’t, since I already have interactions on the post that I want to keep).
Other friends just said she is being overly dramatic and that I should do as I please.
This obviously is going to be a topic for a few days within the group. But I don’t know if I’m being a jerk because I don’t want to delete the picture.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“So, she crashed a party that she wasn’t invited to, as someone who you say is more like an acquaintance than a friend, and is upset that she’s in the background in a picture that she wouldn’t have been in if she hadn’t crashed your party.
You offered to crop her out, but that’s not good enough for her, and she demands that you delete it – not just from social media but from all existence everywhere. If I have this right, NTJ.” Queen_Sized_Beauty
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Tell her the photo is posted, and if she didn’t want to be in it, you should have been informed prior to photographing.
Also, let her know that in the future, you’ll ask her ‘IF’ she wants to be in the photo, and if not, she’ll need to step away because photos will most likely be posted to social media. Since she reacts poorly, your friends should probably ask her the same question prior to taking any pictures.
Although I suspect she’ll request to see a photo of herself prior to anyone posting in the future, don’t be held captive to that… either she wants in or she doesn’t… period. Many of us do not like certain pics of ourselves, but very few act like her; sad… if that was my friend, I’d ask her to step away every time photos are taken, but that’s just me eliminating chaos/nonsense.” Traditional-Egg8590
Another User Comments:
“I do not understand the comments of people saying that he needs to edit her out of the photo to not be a jerk. This was HIS birthday party. She was not invited (they are acquaintances, not friends) and crashed his birthday party—HER choice.
It was a beach party; obviously, clothing would be a bathing suit or something on the skimpy side. Whatever she wore that made her later feel she looked ‘fatty’ was HER choice. She had to know people would be, or were, taking photos (birthday party!
Group of friends on a beach!) and did not remove herself—HER choice. He offered to crop the photo; she refused that solution (wants them to be deleted from all storage)—HER choice. She lied to the other friends (said he was rude to her and mocked her about being fat)—HER choice.
She made every choice on her own, willingly, and he owes her nothing. The fact that others have conceded to her wishes previously and deleted photos to keep the peace is just sad. I don’t believe this is about her looking “fatty.” I think this girl has a need to make everything about her to make herself feel important amongst a close-knit group of friends.
But that being said, the moment that she made phone calls/sent texts and lied to the other friends? That’s when all bets are off. She deserves no compassion nor empathy after maliciously lying and trying to start issues among a group of friends by having them take sides against each other.
These are not children—these are adults. As an adult, she needs to learn that her actions have consequences and that no one owes her any favors. I say leave the photo as it is. If she continues to harass, block her. This is not a friend in any sense of the word—to any of you.
NTJ.” SharpenedQuiIl
11. AITJ For Telling My Friend To Stop Pressuring Me About Using Her Gift?
“My friend and I live several states away from one another and, for the past decade, we’ve exchanged Christmas gifts by sending each other boxes. Her household is her, her husband, and child.
Mine is just my husband and myself.
Each year, she asks me what we’d like for Christmas. I tell her every year that we honestly don’t know what to tell people when they ask us this. When she asks this, I know this is her way of prompting me to ask what they would like.
And just like that, she sends me over a detailed list with items and links for us to buy said items.
But here’s my issue:
This year, she got me a guided journal. Definitely not my thing, but I’m trying it out! I may like it.
The thing is, she keeps asking me about it. Have I used it? Have I written in it yet? I’ve had it for 14 days, and I’ve been asked this several times.
It borders on her just wanting me to acknowledge and thank her for this gift over and over.
I don’t do this to her. I don’t ask her if she uses my gifts. I don’t ask her if she has enjoyed my gifts. I don’t ask her if she used the engraved mugs I got her. She does this every year, and I constantly feel like I have to acknowledge her gift for a month or so.
AITJ for speaking up and telling her this?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. But for your own sanity, stop exchanging gifts. While it is nice to receive something that someone put thought into, it’s less nice to deal with someone looking for constant thanks when they don’t reciprocate themselves and having to balance obligation of getting a gift compared to the desire/want to give a gift.” snowpixiemn
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I’m picking up on the fact that gift-giving is really more her thing than yours. She asks what you want, you can’t really think of anything in particular, and you feel pressured to ask what she wants, which she responds to with a list. It sounds super bizarre to me.
Giving anyone other than your parents or your spouse a list of gifts to get you seems incredibly tacky and like…poor etiquette, I guess? Unless it’s for a Secret Santa or something like that, but to send your friend your Christmas list like they’re your mommy and daddy is cringe-worthy to me.
Are they eight years old? So my knee-jerk reaction is that these are tacky people who are making gift grabs and you shouldn’t be friends with them anymore. But since social media tends to skew towards the nuclear option all the time, I’m trying to give your friend the benefit of the doubt.
Perhaps their love language is gift-giving, and to them, giving others a list is a kind way to help everyone have more cheer. And asking about your gift over and over is because she is so excited by giving gifts that she just can’t contain her glee.
But at the same time, is she gushing over and profusely thanking you for the gift you got her? Because otherwise, it does sound like she just has some weird need to be praised for this weird exchange you guys have going on. I feel like in the future I’d tell her you plan to tighten your budget and just give gifts to family or use some other excuse to get out of this.” Fearless_Lychee_6050
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. At first, I thought maybe she hid something in it and was expecting you to find it when you used it. But hearing she does this every year for all gifts, NTJ. Start making a note throughout the year of one or two things you and your husband want that you would normally just get for yourself – but it can wait until Christmas.
That way, she has something specific to get you, and if she craves the thank you this item has been so helpful text, she’s more likely to get it.” Exciting-Peanut-1526
10. AITJ For Protecting My Solo Vacation From My Mom's Guilt-Tripping Bonding Scheme?
“My (22F) mom (F53) and my stepdad (M55) have been going on annual yearly couple trips for the past 12 years whilst leaving me alone with my grandparents.
I don’t remember ever really having a family vacation with both of them, besides going to distant relatives’ houses for holidays, but I don’t really count those as vacations.
I plan on going on a solo vacation in mid-February. Nothing too crazy—I just want to experience a bigger city for a few days.
And my mom found out that I was planning on it by looking at my laptop (my laptop was out in the living room; she didn’t snoop around). She asked me if I could go with her and said that it would be a good bonding experience for us.
And to her surprise, I said, “No, you leave me out of trips and you don’t put much effort into me, despite me trying to do things with you.” She went quiet and replied with, “Sweetheart, Dad and I need a couple of trips; it isn’t harming you in any way whatsoever.
God forbid, what if I die tomorrow or in the next few months? Will you still feel sad that you didn’t take a vacation with your mom?”
I feel guilty that I don’t want her to come with me, but at the same time, every time I’ve tried to do anything with her, it’s a “No, a hockey game would bore me; I can drop you off and pick you up.” It got to the point where I just stopped trying to invite her to things and pushed myself to try to enjoy things on my own.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If you allowed your mother to go with you, your holiday wouldn’t be the getaway that you imagined. You wouldn’t be as free to meet new people or to experience things that 22-year-olds do. Your whole holiday would be constrained by what your mother would feel comfortable getting involved in.
Going solo and going with your mother are two different holidays. Also, your mother is truly awful for using emotional coercion. It’s fear-based control, and I would suggest that you don’t entertain her antics. If she wants a holiday with you and you would also like to holiday with your mother for some bonding time, tell her that you can both look for another holiday.
Perhaps she can take you without her husband on her next annual getaway and leave him with your grandparents. You do not want your mother gate-crashing your holiday.” Funny_Foundation_980
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, don’t let your mom manipulate you into feeling bad. She never felt bad when she left you at home.
If she truly wants to bond, then she needs to put in the effort with you and not highjack this trip that has nothing to do with her. If she wants to spend time with you, she needs to genuinely want to spend time with you.
If she wants to go on a trip with you, she needs to plan a whole different trip. This trip is for you, and you have every right to go without her. Just like she told you, she and her husband needed all those couple trips you need this solo trip.
If she trys to manipulate you again just simply tell her since she didn’t see nothing wrong with going on these vacations without you she shouldn’t see the harm in you going on this trip without her it’s not harming her and God forbid if anything happens to you would she want you to never experience your own trip without her?
If going on trips without you was no big deal, then she needs to leave you alone and respect that you don’t want her to go on your trip. She could have had wonderful memories by doing an actual family vacation with you, but since she taught you early on that you weren’t welcome on any trips, she shouldn’t feel bad when you don’t include her.” CODE_NAME_DUCKY
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – Your actions/choices are understandable given your history. However, there is more to this interaction. If you gave the reason that you were looking forward to a solo trip, then you are completely innocent and NTJ. But the reason you gave to tell her no was the lack of family trips that included you, and she rejected you when you asked her to spend time with you.
In that sense, the “no” feels retaliatory. Of course, your mom also screwed up big time with her reaction. I wonder, did you ever explicitly talk to your mom about feeling left out with family vacations or did you explicitly say you wanted to spend time with her by going to the hockey game?
I am not placing blame on you, just gathering insight. I would guess by her reaction you might not have had an explicit conversation so she screwed up by not admitting she didn’t realize, and instead counterattacked.
OP, I think your mom really had no clue you felt as you do, and she might not have realized your invitations to her to go to hockey games were your way of wanting to spend time together.
She might have thought you were just being polite in inviting her. This happened to me. My youngest kept asking me to watch “Gilmore Girls” with them. I kept declining because it wasn’t my kind of show, at first. Then during a fight it came out that it was my kid’s way to ask to spend time with me.
Of course, it seemed obvious looking back but at the time I thought it was a courtesy ask and I usually had a pile of chores (my love language is acts of service). So I told my kid to tell me explicitly that it is to spend time together because I WILL always make time to spend with them whatever the activities (their love language is spending time together).
Of course, since then, I always say yes now when my kid asks me to watch a show and we have done several shows that we love to discuss. OP, I think you really want a better relationship with your mom, so go talk to her about it in a calm way because she did say she wanted to bond with you.
I think she said what she said to deflect from her guilt.” Itchy_Flounder_3837
9. AITJ For Requiring My MIL To Pay For Carpet Replacement After Renting My Home?
“My mother-in-law (wife’s mom) initiated a divorce from her second husband late in 2022. NC law requires couples to live separately for a year before divorce proceedings can occur.
She asked to move into our house, which gave her our bonus room. This room is a 12×24 space with carpet, a closet, and a full bathroom attached for her. She moved into our house on 12/31/22 and began paying rent ($500 per month for the first year, then she volunteered an extra $100 per month for the second year to cover Netflix access and increases in HOA dues and utilities).
She just moved out last month into her new home.
My wife and I knew we needed our flooring downstairs replaced, and we wanted to go ahead and do our stairs, main hallway, and primary bedroom. The bonus room we had also decided to get done since the carpet had been lived on 24 hours a day, seven days a week for two years.
My mother-in-law worked from home, so she essentially spent her time in that room working, relaxing, or sleeping. She also had a dog with her.
We felt it wasn’t right to charge her the cost of the upgraded flooring we wanted, so we asked the flooring estimator to send us a separate price for similar carpet in the bonus room so that we could present that price to her.
We were told the LVP option was $2500 and the carpet option was $1400. We advised her of the $1400 in November and told her it wasn’t expected upfront, nor would we ask for it after she closed on her new home. We were willing to work with her on it.
Fast forward a month, and she has moved out, and she asks to speak with us about the carpet payment. She isn’t sure why she’s being asked to pay $1400 when she thought it was our plan all along to change the flooring anyway.
Mind you, this carpet was new and used as a toddler playroom for about an hour each day prior to her arrival. She and I agreed to reduce it to $500 because she felt she should have been able to at least have the carpets cleaned, which would have cost $500.
We denied this request initially because we knew that carpet cleaning wasn’t going to remove the wear and tear of her existence. Well, once we agreed on $500, she asked about the $100 I had agreed to refund her for some car work I had done.
I agreed to it and figured we were done.
Next, my wife finds out about this agreement and immediately calls her mom out of frustration. Her mom decides to “oblige” to $1400, but then begins to say that she incurred extra costs on her car repairs because I wasn’t able to fix her car and that it should cover her $1400.
She also mentioned that her extra $100 per month should have covered the cost as well, even though that was never agreed upon.
Of course, since this all happened right before the holidays, we just agreed to accept $400. We’ve seen each other a few times without issue, but there’s still some bitterness, especially with the comments about how she now has to pay a bigger sum of money for her car repairs.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“I must be missing something here! Your MIL moved in with you and paid you rent. And you also want her to cover the cost of replacing the carpet in the room she occupied? Why would your MIL be responsible for the cost of replacing carpet that you (the homeowners) want to replace?
Is she benefiting somehow from the new flooring? You’ve treated her as a tenant (she paid rent), and if you’d wanted her to address the flooring, you could have asked her (ahead of time) to cover the cost of carpet cleaning when she moved out.
I’m glad we’re not related — this seems a transactional way to treat a family member. YTJ.” tinyd71
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. From your text, it doesn’t sound like she did anything to the carpet besides living in the room—as in usual wear and tear.
While yes, having someone live in a room with carpet for months and months will most likely kill the carpet, that is on you for having it in there. You agreed to her staying. She paid rent. She even covered additional costs when they increased for you.
You wanted to replace your entire flooring anyway, so… I don’t think she, as a previous tenant, should be responsible for usual wear and tear issues. Honestly, it does sound a bit like you have costly home renovations coming up and want to get some extra money for them.
Your MIL is just trying to get out of it after you came to a reasonable agreement but she faltered after her daughter blew up on her (also a bit of a… seriously?! Move).” bluesnowdrops
Another User Comments:
“YTJ! Give your head a shake. You entered into a landlord-tenant situation with MIL.
Repeat after me: Regular wear-and-tear is the responsibility of the landlord. Say it again. REGULAR WEAR AND TEAR IS THE RESPONSIBILITY OF THE LANDLORD. The absolute most you could have asked is for her to have the carpets cleaned. If you didn’t want the room lived in, you shouldn’t have rented it out.
If the dog was going to be a problem, you should have collected a non-refundable pet deposit prior to her moving in. Putting the cost of your home renos on your MIL? I’m embarrassed for you.” apothekryptic
8. AITJ For Not Telling My Mother About My Paternal Grandmother's Funeral?
“My (M25) mother (F60) has been divorced from my father (M60) for 14 years. They still have a bitter, rocky relationship because my father met a new woman about 12 years ago.
My mom harasses my dad to this day with emails, texts from fake numbers, and legal threats to try and get more money out of my dad. She has even stalked his new partner late at night. So these two don’t talk and don’t go near each other.
My grandmother, my father’s mother, passed away. I was not going to tell my mother about this news. I told my father it should come from him if he wanted to reopen the channel of communication, seeing as though nobody on his side wanted her at the funeral, and I wanted to respect their wishes.
Unfortunately, a mutual friend of my two parents was at the funeral and called my mother to inform her about everything and blew the lid off, which resulted in my mother calling me a liar, not trusting me, and using a whole bunch of other nasty words.
She said I didn’t do the right thing. I feel like I did.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You absolutely did the right thing. If your mom brings it up again, tell her that it’s not up for discussion, then hang up or walk away.
I do have to wonder why your dad hasn’t blocked her from all forms of communication and why he hasn’t filed a restraining order. She’s harassing him and stalked his partner. That’s totally unacceptable behavior and borders, if not completely crossing the boundaries of normal mental behavior.
She desperately needs mental health therapy. She could also have some early onset dementia. She needs to be evaluated. And you need to step back and go LC for your own mental health. You cannot continue to be their mediator. They are adults and shouldn’t be involving you with their issues.” LoveBeach8
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. 1. Your mom needs counseling ASAP before she ends up in jail for stalking your father and his partner! 2. It was the family’s wish she not know because of your mother’s behavior, that needs to be made perfectly clear to her!
3. Re-iterate strongly to your mother that she needs to seek counseling because her behavior towards your father and his partner is borderline stalking and harassment of which she needs to stop before she gets in trouble with the law! 4. Have your father and his partner document your mother’s behavior and get a restraining order against her!” Bubbly_March_705
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Even leaving aside her jerk behavior towards your father, you did the right thing. One, if she was involved in his mom’s life, she wouldn’t have needed you to tell her anything. Two, you are not the parent. This news should have come from your dad if anyone was going to tell your mom.
Why would you tell her? You aren’t authorized by anyone to deliver this news to her. Three, how does not being told impact your mom? What did your mom lose by not knowing? Your mom is just complaining for the sake of complaining. That’s just the way she is.
She still has issues with your dad 14 years after the divorce; she clearly has issues.” Deep-Okra1461
7. AITJ For Rescheduling My MIL's Visit To Prioritize My Postpartum Recovery?
“My first baby I had by emergency caesarean. It was traumatic for me, but the baby was completely fine. I was hugely hormonal, and it took months for me to stop crying. I wasn’t sad or upset; I just had tears all the time.
The combination of a traumatic birth, wild hormones, and feeling like I needed to “be a host” meant I was exhausted all of the time. My MIL thought she was helping, but she only cooked one meal while she stayed with us for 10 days and would make comments.
For example, she said she would take the washing off the line. I asked if she could hold the baby so I could do it, and she asked if her folding wasn’t good enough. As a new mother, it was not what I needed.
I’m due with my second baby in June, and MIL wants to come and visit in July.
It is very likely that I’ll need another caesarean, which I am still wrapping my head around. I have asked if she can come in September instead. I understand this means she won’t see her grandkids for a bit longer, but AITJ for putting my potential needs above her need to see us?
These months suit as my husband and I work in schools and these are the holidays. She’d like to come when we are not working.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, this is why many cultures “sit the month” or do the first 40 days where mom does nothing but rest and heal, with no visitors except maybe mom or MIL to wait on mom hand and foot (clean, make all meals, help with baby).
She should have been more helpful with the first kid if she was going to be there early on for an extended period. You should not feel like you are hosting. In many cultures, you would not be cooking or cleaning for the first 30-40 days, and it would be on mom or MIL to do that for you.
Cooking one meal in 10 days indicates MIL is not the right person to support you in the very first couple of months.” RogueEBear
Another User Comments:
“OP, NTJ! You come FIRST in deciding what works for you! When we had our first, my in-laws would come over every few days.
We had just bought a fixer-upper house and my father-in-law was re-doing the plumbing. While he and hubby worked on that, mom-in-law would go straight to the laundry basket, carefully sort and fold everything (exactly the way she SAW me fold it) and set the baskets in the appropriate rooms!
She never asked what she could do; she always made lunch, and honestly, it was the best ever! And, especially nice since she wasn’t a big fan! Now, I’m the grandma! I spent two weeks visiting my daughter, son-in-law, and youngest grandkids. Admittedly, they’re not babies, but when they cooked, I cleared the dishes and loaded the dishwasher.
While they put the kids to bed, I tidied up the kitchen, swept the floor (the youngest gets food everywhere), and wiped down the stove! They joined a gym a few months ago, and for the first time ever, they got to go to the gym and work out together while I made sure my grandkids slept safe and sound.” Fancy_Introduction60
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, your needs are most important here. She already auditioned for the role of ‘helpful visitor in the early days of a small baby’ and she failed the audition. Stay firm that September will be better for visits. Talk to your husband about how you will need breaks from the baby, etc. Make a plan ahead of time for all your potential needs in those early months.
I want to reassure you that while caring for a small baby is never easy… having a caesarian when you know it’s coming is HUGELY different to a first-time emergency caesar. So chances are this will be a very different experience. That doesn’t mean you need to worry about your MIL’s needs for the first few months of your baby’s life.
The biggest difference will be that you have an older child to keep happy along with a new baby and that’s where a visiting grandmother could potentially be very helpful.” ViolaVetch75
6. AITJ For Buying Birthday Candy For A Stranger's Kid Without Asking The Parent?
“This happened on Christmas Eve, I was at the corner store at the end of my street getting some gas and a drink. As I was filling my cup, two kids (a boy and a girl) and a mother came in. The boy was super excited about it being his birthday and ran up to me, telling me all about it.
I congratulated him as I was getting my lid and straw.
His sister pointed out some of the new Japanese candies that the store had recently started selling. He ran over and looked at them when the mother walked up behind them. He was talking about how cool they looked and how he wished he could get one, so I said, “Well, since it’s your birthday, go ahead and pick one out, I’ll pay for it with my stuff.” The cashier saw and also chimed in, “Go ahead and grab a chocolate.” So the boy grabbed a piece of chocolate and a Japanese candy.
The mother looked at me with a nasty look but didn’t say anything. As she was digging through her purse, the cashier asked me if I wanted one too. Seeing this as an opportunity to try and lighten the mood with her, I cracked a joke.
“No thanks, I’m trying to keep my girlish figure” (I’m a heavy-set guy). Her kids were laughing, but she just responded, “Mhm, okay, sir,” paid for her things, and left. I still paid for the kids’ candy and my stuff after she left, but it just rubbed me the wrong way.
Did I do something wrong?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. You don’t know if that kid had allergies, was barred from sweets for acting out, was not allowed sugar, was fasting, diabetic, on a controlled diet, had a hyperactivity reaction to sugar, or had already asked Mum and been told no. It is not okay to offer to buy things for kids without checking with their parent first. I know you thought you were being kind, but you have no idea what impact the act you thought was kind could have had on that kid.” Cautious-Job8683
Another User Comments:
“Strangers don’t always engage with kids, so you probably made that kid’s day by being excited for him and offering to buy him a sweet. Although I have to agree that you should have checked, this has happened to me a few times too, and once a grandad who I bumped into on the nursery run gave my 18-month-old a boiled sweet.
I thanked him and smiled, but after I did, I had to take the sweet away as a one-year-old can’t have those, and it resulted in a tantrum. However, whenever I think of that man, I take it exactly as it was intended: generous, kind, and honestly, he was a lovely man who always made us smile when we bumped into him.
You tried to do a kind thing, so while yes, maybe not again, things like how that mother reacted are why people stop doing kind acts, and that’s a shame. I remember when I was around 10, and an elderly person dropped change on the floor.
I picked it up and he yelled at me for assuming he was too old. It took me many years of not understanding that he was in the wrong for not seeing I was just trying to be kind before I stopped helping people in similar situations because I assumed he was right as he was the adult and I was wrong.
Although you know to ask the parent next time, don’t stop your kind acts or let this put you off because kindness to strangers is a lovely thing.” Suspicious_Style_745
Another User Comments:
“I absolutely hate to call you a jerk for such a kindhearted gesture, so I am saying no jerks here….but there are a million different reasons not to provide anything edible to a child without first getting the approval of their designated grown-up.
Allergies, diabetes, maybe the child has already had a bunch of treats or will have a bunch later, maybe they have acted a fool half the day and are on their parent’s last nerve, maybe the family is knee deep in teaching the kids about safety out in public….your heart was absolutely in the right place, though.” rapt2right
5. AITJ For Demanding Financial Independence After My Parents Controlled Every Aspect Of My Life?
“I (18F) am currently a senior in high school. Before I turned 18, my parents were… let’s just say, pretty controlling. They never allowed me to get a job, learn how to manage money, get a credit card, or even understand how housing works. They always said these things weren’t important and wanted me to focus solely on my studies so I could get into a good university.
On some level, I understood their reasoning, but it also felt suffocating. The one thing that gave me comfort was their constant reassurance that they’d cover everything for my university education, whether I stayed in state or went out of state. This was a big deal for me because money has always been tight in our family, and I grew up worrying about it.
When it came time to apply for college, I told my parents that my top choice was an out-of-state school in Pennsylvania. They encouraged me to apply and kept reminding me, “Money is not your concern.” So, I worked hard, applied, got accepted into my dream school before I turned 18, and even officially committed.
But then everything changed after my birthday.
Now that I’m 18, my parents suddenly expect me to know everything about money, credit, housing, and all the responsibilities of adulthood. They’ve told me I need to figure out how to pay for my tuition if FAFSA doesn’t cover everything.
But at the same time, they’ve refused to let me get a job or even take on small odd jobs to earn money. They’ve also banned me from taking out student loans because they don’t want me to be in debt. On top of that, they don’t want me living in dorms or university housing to “save money.”
I’ve tried my best to come up with solutions. I reached out to a family friend in Pennsylvania to see if they could help me with housing since I have no credit history and getting a place under my name would be close to impossible.
I also talked to my friend (21F), who’s willing to be my roommate and split the costs, but with her income and my lack of one, it’s going to be really tough.
When I explained this plan to my dad, he was furious.
He said I shouldn’t rely on other people for “big matters” like this because it’s his job as my father to provide, teach, and care for me. The irony is that he hasn’t actually taught me anything about how to handle these responsibilities.
My mom agrees with him and even said I’m making them “look bad” as parents for seeking help from others. I feel completely trapped. The future I’ve worked so hard for feels like it’s slipping away because of their restrictions and unrealistic expectations.
So, AITJ for being angry and feeling stuck? And if anyone has advice about managing finances or adulting in general, I would really appreciate it!”
Another User Comments:
“What the heck do they expect you to do?! Literally everything that you can choose to do they told you not to.
Like even I’m puzzled. So do they expect you to be homeless while attending university?! I just can’t wrap my head around how they’re deliberately setting you up for failure. NTJ. They won’t let you stay at the dorms. Won’t let you rent (won’t even let you get a job to pay rent either), won’t let you stay with family.
Won’t even let you get a roommate. What the heck do they want you to do?!?! Stay in a hostel?! Live in a cardboard box?! I’m beyond baffled at what they’re expecting.” Ok-World9924
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You are truly going to have to ignore your parents’ demands from now on.
They are really screwed up: 1. They purposefully haven’t taught you about money. 2. They told you not to worry about how to pay for college. 3. Now that you are college age, they told you they won’t pay for college. 4. They won’t let you get a job to pay for college.
5. They told you you can’t live in a dorm or anywhere else because they don’t want you to have debt. Look, if they won’t pay the full bill for college and don’t want you to have debt, then you HAVE TO GET A JOB. Unless their whole plan is to have you live at home where they can control you.
Don’t they understand money themselves? SOMEBODY has to pay for college and you have to live SOMEWHERE; GET A JOB RIGHT AWAY. If they aren’t paying for things, you cannot let them control you. Do what you NEED TO DO.” ElmLane62
Another User Comments:
“You know, I cannot believe how incapable the younger generation is in even figuring things out for themselves.
You’re an adult, but you act completely helpless. When I was growing up, my parents didn’t really teach me about that stuff either. Most kids were like that. I did have a job, though. But you know what, once I became an adult, I learned this stuff pretty quickly.
Your parents don’t have unreasonable expectations. They’re perfectly normal expectations. Adults also figure things out. You learn as you go along. Can you not do that? When I first lived by myself, having never done it or been taught about it, I figured it out.
That‘s what adults do. Your future isn’t slipping away. You’re just starting out. Let your parents help to an extent, but learn things for yourself. You’re also 18, you don’t need your parents’ permission to get a job. Just go get one.
Do one thing for yourself. It is a big ask to move in with a family friend and, what do you mean, having no income in Pennsylvania. You can work and go to school. Generations of college students have done that. So, basically, you’d freeload off this friend since you won’t work.
That’s more likely what your parents are objecting to. There are thousands of books and resources that teach you about finances and budgeting.” SnooDonkeys2480
4. AITJ For Letting My Impatient SO's Laundry Get Stinky?
“My SO has a big problem with being impatient. We recently finished construction on a new house, so we’re currently in between two houses. We were at the new house, doing some things to get it ready to move in. So, I put a load of laundry in the washer to let it run while we worked. We finished everything we had planned to do, and there were about 10 minutes left on the wash cycle.
When I told him this, he immediately got very impatient, yelled at me for doing his laundry while we were there, and said he wasn’t waiting 10 minutes for it to finish so I could put it in the dryer. I told him it would get stinky from mildew if I left it in the washer overnight until we came back the next day.
We had two cars there, so I told him he could leave, and I would take the other car after I put the clothes in the dryer. He said no because he was hungry, and he wanted me to come with him so we could eat as soon as we got back to the other house (aka – he wanted me to fix him something to eat, and he didn’t want to wait 10 extra minutes).
I was tired of arguing with him, so I said fine and left with him before the wash cycle finished.
The next day when we went back, guess what! The laundry was all stinky. So, this is where I might be the jerk. I put his items in the dryer to dry and rewashed mine.
Then, I folded his and put them away. Now, every few days, he pulls something out, puts it on, and says, “Ewww, this shirt smells bad!” I just smile, nod, and say, “Yep, I told you that would happen.” AITJ or was this simply malicious compliance?”
Another User Comments:
“It’s definitely malicious compliance and I applaud you for it. I’d almost say ESH as leaving appliances that are heat-based running while you’re out of the house is unsafe (I knew someone who burned down her place with a crockpot), so you should have waited to do laundry until you were able to be there the whole time.
But that’s not what you’re asking about. He can wash his own clothes if he is going to get mad at you for doing it, and it was his idea to let them get smelly. NTJ.” bethsophia
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Beautiful. If he’s going to act like he’s 6 or 3 instead of 63, whining at you like you’re his mommy and he’s hungry for his nuggies while you do his laundry for him, he can get 6- or 3-year-old-appropriate responses.
It’s just the consequences of his actions. He had and continues to have many opportunities to make a different choice here; he could’ve waited 10 minutes at the new house, gone himself and picked something up to eat, or gone himself and made himself something to eat like a big boy.
He could have even apologized the next day before you got back or rewashed his own clothes instead of continuing to wear stinky clothes day after day!” nerdygirl153
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but if he has blood sugar issues, he needs to figure out what to do.
Mine will drop, and I’ll tell my husband I need to get something, like fries, quickly. It doesn’t happen THAT often, but he knows when I say NOW, that I really do need it. If I haven’t specified, he might ask if I can wait a bit.
But I make that call. In this case if there were 2 cars, your SO should have just grabbed something quick if he needed it. He’s a big boy, so…given you had to rewash YOUR clothes, I would have simply said, “NO I’m waiting here until this is done…” and he should have left and gotten something on his own.
Stop catering to his condition. He needs to be responsible. And no, mine isn’t anything medical that needs attention (and I get regular checkups)…just something that happens and I suddenly know I need some quick carbs, usually to bridge me over until a meal.” PWM30
3. AITJ For Refusing To Babysit My Neighbor's Kid Due To Incompatible Lifestyles?
“I, F35, am a stay-at-home mom with two kids, “John” (M10) and “Ava” (F8). My neighbor “Zoe” (F42) works full time and asked at the beginning of the school year if she could drop off her daughter “Sue” (F9) an hour before school started twice a week.
I agreed and was happy to help out a neighbor. However, things got bad pretty quickly.
My kids do not get along well with Sue and see entertaining her as a chore. Both of my kids enjoy sports, arts, and playing outside, while Sue is glued to her phone.
Despite this, Sue pouts when my kids do their own thing instead of trying to engage her. Zoe called me a few weeks into the school year to nag me for having the kids walk or bike to school, saying it was unsafe and asking me to drive Sue.
I told her no — if Sue was old enough to have a phone, she was old enough to walk or bike to school. A week later, she asked me to cook real sausage for Sue, in addition to the veggie sausage I make for my kids (my husband and I don’t buy meat).
I told her no — Sue could eat what I cook, but if she wanted specific food, she would have to prepare it herself.
For the first semester of school, Zoe nagged me with similar requests: don’t play songs with explicit lyrics, don’t let multiple kids on the trampoline simultaneously, watch the kids when they’re outside, etc. When I refused, she was respectful and would say, “sorry to bother you,” but she still had new requests every week.
At the end of the semester, I told her that I was not going to make adjustments to our family lifestyle and inconvenience my family for the sake of her child. Sue’s safety was not at risk. If she was unsatisfied with Sue’s situation, there were plenty of other people in the neighborhood who could watch her.
Zoe seemed really receptive, and I was hopeful that would be the end of her nagging.
When my kids got home on December 20th, I asked, “Are you excited for 2.5 weeks with no school?” and John responded, “I’m more excited for 2.5 weeks with no Sue.” Ava nodded and giggled. It broke my heart to know that they were happier to get a break from Sue than from school.
Just a couple of days ago, Zoe reached out to me, thanking me for agreeing to watch Sue and asking if I could watch her a couple of afternoons a week in addition so that she could have some “me” time. I told her that this would no longer work — our kids did not mesh well, and I didn’t want to deal with more inappropriate requests.
I thought Zoe might be mad, but instead, she just begged me to watch Sue at least one morning a week. She apologized profusely and said I could parent however I wanted to. This made me feel bad because she genuinely needed my help and did not know what she would do.
I told her that I knew I could help and that her apology was too little, too late.
My husband and kids stand by my decision, but some of the other moms think that I should have been more accommodating, saying I’m selfish, that moms help moms, and that I’ll never know when I might need help.
Does my refusal to help Zoe make me a jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and you have a perfect right to say no to future requests since the kids don’t mesh well. I will say, though, that some of Zoe’s requests are pretty reasonable from a safety-conscious parent.
If she’s an only child, that makes sense. 1 kid at a time on the trampoline? Yes. 9-year-old walking to school? Depends. Watch the kids when they’re outside? Some do. Sausage? Ridiculous. Sue wanting to be entertained? Nah. It’s not your parenting style, for sure.
You seem more laid back. But some parents are just more anxious and safety-driven. It’s just not a good fit, and she shouldn’t impose her parenting style on you. I’d just tell her your parenting styles are too different, and the kids don’t mesh well, so it won’t work for you moving forward.” SingleAlfredoFemale
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You tried to be a good neighbor, but it didn’t work for your family. You can be a good neighbor in other ways to other people. I was watching a “neighbor” kid 1 day a week at the beginning of the school year.
The original deal was after school on Wednesdays turned into 3 days a week because of “work stuff” then it went from 1hr to 3-5 hours mutiple days a week, no pay, no offer to drop off snacks, no reciprocated child care, they didn’t even say thank you.
Didn’t answer any of my texts when I had questions about food allergies/permissions (can I take the child swimming?) Or answer questions like “when will you be here to pick up the child?” The dad dropped the ball one day and didn’t show up till 8 pm, talking about how much they enjoyed their “weekly dates” since I had been “helping” the work issue had been solved and they had just been leaving this kid with me to feed and care for.
The kid was awesome the parents were using me, so I told them I was done. Then the mom started bad mouthing me around my kids school for “leaving them high and dry” once I told the other parents what was really happening no one else was willing to “help” them with free muti day child care either.” Kantotheotter
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I was in the same position as you. This girl’s older brother had a friend a couple of doors away. The brother and sister were dropped off there at 8 in the morning every day. Once the boys moved on to the senior school, the mother told me I wouldn’t mind taking her daughter to school as I would be taking mine anyway.
After the first week, this child had settled in and become a nuisance. She arrived before my girls were up but would not stay downstairs with me as I sorted out breakfasts and lunches. I put the television on for her, but she would go upstairs and annoy my girls.
My older daughter ended up screaming at her one morning to get out of her room. The mother rang up to complain about her daughter being upset by this. I told the mother that her daughter had been repeatedly told to stay downstairs while my daughters got dressed, and my older daughter had finally had enough.
I was told to make sure it didn’t happen again. After this, the interloper would only go into my younger daughter’s room, who was much quieter. For the second year of this, my older daughter was at a different school, which meant she left an hour earlier.
This child would come in and annoy my younger daughter, move stuff around in her room, and generally make a mess. People thought they were good friends as they came to school together every day and were in the same class. After some of my daughter’s property was damaged, she slapped this girl.
After this, the girl would come into the house until her father had driven off and then walk to school on her own. There are no roads to cross and only 100 yards away, so I let her go. Not a single thank you from these people and not even a Christmas card.
It was such a relief when it stopped.
As you can probably guess, I back your decision 100%. SAHM do so for the benefit of their own family, not to be unpaid babysitters for working mums. Helping out for the occasional emergency is fine, but when it upsets your own family every day, that is not acceptable.
I wish I had been stronger.” Gnarly_314
2. AITJ For Calling Out My Ex For Gaming Instead Of Being There During Labor?
“Twenty-two years ago, I was in labor with my son for 16 hours. My ex (divorced for 12 years now but I maintain a cordial relationship) stayed with me throughout.
Around midnight, I told him to go home, sleep, and take care of our dog—fully expecting him to show up bright and early the next morning.
He didn’t. All my family had gone home, and I was alone and afraid. I called him at 1:00 that afternoon and pretty much demanded that he return to the hospital. He was gaming.
He did come back, but not until around 5:00 that evening.
At my son’s birthday dinner last night, I told the story and my ex thinks I did it to be a jerk to him. In my defense, I just told the story of my son’s birth and subsequent stay in the hospital for complications because it came up in conversation.
My ex texted me this morning, calling me some names, the least of which was jerk. I didn’t apologize and I wasn’t planning on it, but I figured I should ask here. If you say I’m the jerk, I’ll send a group text apologizing.
I might be the jerk for telling a story that makes my ex-husband look bad.
Am I?”
Another User Comments:
“Well…. I mean, there is that saying that goes something like “if me telling a story about you which is true, and it makes you look bad, that’s on you”. It is unclear to me how he thought his actions made sense at the time “well… my wife” (at the time) “is currently in labor… I probably have some time to kill.” Annnnd… Given it’s your son’s b-day, I suppose the story of his birth is something that would come up pretty normally.
So… I say NTJ. That said… fess up. WAS at least part of the reason you told the story to make him look bad?” SoImaRedditUserNow
Another User Comments:
“Info: How did your ex respond to the situation 22 years ago? Did he ever see the light and genuinely apologize and make things right?
If he did and you were in a good place with that, then you should have included that in your storytelling to ensure that he and others know that you aren’t still calling him out on it, but instead are just having fun in the recollection of the story.
Otherwise, that’s kinda cruel to do to someone who has done their best to atone. However, if he did not apologize profusely and perhaps this was one of many similar things that led to the divorce, then not the jerk—dude is a schmuck and deserves the ridicule.
NTJ.” duke_of_ted
Another User Comments:
“Ex was obviously a self-centered jerk back then. I hope he improved over time. Didn’t he want to see your newborn baby? Didn’t he want to be near you? He really thought the new father had no role at the hospital after the birth of his child?
And he still thinks that? The fact that he lost himself in a marathon (8 hours, maybe) gaming session suggests that he was hiding or postponing the inevitable change to his lifestyle that comes with a baby. NTJ, of course. As for your ex, still the jerk.” HyperboleBob
1. AITJ For Accepting Inheritance From My Deadbeat Biological Father?
“I, 19m, barely remember my real father. The last memory I have is that he was yelling at my mother when I was maybe 6 and hiding under the kitchen table.
He was a terrible man with a drinking problem.
One day, he fled the country and was never seen again.
My mother met my stepfather, who is a great man, and raised me as his own kid.
Just a few months ago, I received a formal notice from my real father telling me that my grandmother (his mother) had died and that he didn’t expect me to go to the funeral, as I did not even know the lady, but decided to pass her apartment to me, as he was never part of my life.
It is the least he can do. He doesn’t expect me to contact him or anything. He wrote that he knows how terrible he was and nothing can excuse that.
I was excited about the fact that I could start my life much easier and told my family about it.
They got really mad at me, telling me what a terrible person he was and all, and that is all true!
My mother said that he is probably using that to contact me, or even worse, to claim that he took care of me so I have to take care of him when he is old!
So I talked with a pro bono lawyer about it, and she told me that accepting an inheritance can’t be considered paying child support (which he never did). So, if I decide to accept the apartment, it does not oblige me to anything.
My parents are still mad at me.
My stepfather says I should honor my mother’s wish and not accept it, while I believe that it would be stupid to say no and deny myself a chance to start my life a bit easier than others my age.
AITJ for accepting that apartment?”
Another User Comments:
“Honey, if anyone needs to accept an inheritance, it’s the child of a deadbeat dad. Be cautious; I can understand your parents’ concerns. I also wonder if they’re worried you might feel some care for your father because he let you know of the inheritance and it will lead you to seek a relationship with him.
Remind them they are the best parents in the world and you have no desire to replace them. Happy life, my dear.” Aware_Welcome_8866
Another User Comments:
“Absolutely NTJ – my son’s diagnosed sociopath “father” died & they had not talked in over 11 years.
The deadbeat owed my son over $26,000 & cried poverty. He died without a will and the estate was far from poverty. My son thought it should go to me, said absolutely not – all should go to him. I think it’s horrible that anyone is saying anything except that you deserve every penny and should not feel obligated at all to even speak to him.
You were smart to contact a lawyer. Keep that excitement and take the inheritance. Don’t listen to anyone that says anything but congratulations; you deserve this. I’m very happy for you and I don’t even know you. Not sure why your mom and stepfather are being the way they are, but it’s their issues, not yours.
It’s wonderful that you’re going to have it a little bit easier. You didn’t deserve to have a deadbeat dad and I truly hope you don’t let anyone make you feel badly about this. Good for you!” BeyondAbleCrip
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – as a child on the receiving end of a deadbeat, heavy-drinker parent, you have every right to choose whether or not to accept this gesture. In his own words, it’s the least he can do. This is between you and your father and nobody else has any place to comment on what you choose to do from here.
I understand taking caution around him moving forward for your own benefit, but those saying you should completely turn down a whole apartment because of what the man could hypothetically say in the future are crazy. To me, it just seems like others’ personal feelings towards your father are impacting their opinions.
Turning down the apartment is hardly going to be of any benefit to you; however, accepting it could lead to new opportunities for you. The bigger picture is you having a heck of an easier time beginning the life that you want to live – he may not have been a father to you for most of your life, but at least he’s doing something for you now.” ImpossibleBrick87
If your husband won't accept the need to put the children first after one blunt conversation, focus on getting what support you can for them and you.