People Feel Uneasy About These 'Am I The Jerk?' Stories
22. AITJ For Postponing My Vacation To Support My Son As His Mother Battles Cancer?
“My ex-wife and I divorced 6 years ago. We married young, she is very religious and there was pressure from her family to marry. I was young and dumb and had just left the military with no sense of direction.
We were very different people but it didn’t come out as we only saw each other for 8 months before marrying. It felt very romantic to marry after such a short time but after we wed and moved in together it was clear we weren’t a good match.
We stuck it out for 8 years but it wasn’t working and we were both older so the whole thing of living miserably to make other people happy (her and my parents) didn’t appeal anymore. I don’t blame her for any of it, I think we just didn’t understand what we wanted at the time and did things to please other people.
We had an amicable divorce and our son lived with her until high school. He is with me for high school because we live near a top school and she lives in a small town without a good high school. He is supposed to spend summers and holidays with her and come here during the school year.
My ex-wife got diagnosed with cervical cancer last month and it was caught late so it’s already spread. The long-term survival rates aren’t great and I want my son to visit his mother in a week or 2 before she goes through her hysterectomy.
My vacation renews every June 30th. I had saved 2 weeks to go to Hawaii this winter break. However, with this situation, I want to take a week or 2 to go with my son to be there for him. His mom won’t be able to cook and clean for him and he also wants for me to drive them up to the next city to visit his grandparents.
The other issue is my son might have to stay with us for this winter break (he is supposed to go to his mom’s but it’s unlikely now depending on her treatment schedule) and I don’t want to go on vacation with him home alone with this happening.
My partner is not happy because we have winter break set up to go to Hawaii and our flights have been booked. I called the airline and they said they would switch our flights to a later one for $600 which I offered to cover so we could rebook the vacation for next fall instead.
But she thinks my son should be able to go back alone and thinks I’m wasting my vacation going with him when we already have plans. My son does go on flights by himself (he is almost 16) however this time my ex isn’t going to be physically able to take care of our son.
There are also a lot of things to be done in prep for my son and my ex before she goes through chemo and surgery. My partner is upset I’m prioritizing my ex over her but I see it as going because my son might lose his mom.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – You would not be postponing for your ex, you would be postponing for your son. My mother died of cancer when I was 13, and was diagnosed while I was spending the summer with my dad and his partner (now wife).
When we got the news my dad made the plans to immediately drive me from CO to OH and stayed there with me until she passed, even though my step-dad, grandparents, and countless aunts and uncles were there too. Never once was my dad’s partner anything but supportive of him being there with me while I was going through the hardest thing in my life.
If she had, I can promise you neither of us would have ever had anything to do with her again. And we would have been 100% correct in that stance. Please hear me when I tell you, your son is the ONLY thing that matters right now, and if your partner can’t see that, she is not the one.” punkybrewsterstwin
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, not even remotely. Yes, he’s old enough to feed himself, do his laundry, and travel by himself, but this is a huge visit and he needs your emotional support, as well as help with the basics and to go see his grandparents.
I get that your partner is super excited about Hawaii in the winter, but this is a huge moment for your son and he needs to come first. If she can’t understand that… well, only you know what needs to be considered.” SunshineShoulders87
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It’s a bummer to postpone a vacation you’re looking forward to, but considering the situation, your partner should keep her disappointment to herself or vent to someone else about it. As it stands, she’s showing a staggering lack of empathy for you, your son, and your son’s mother, and I would take it as the red flag it is.
Teenagers and young adults still need their parents. His mom is dying and she wants you to send him off alone and abandon him. As someone whose mom died in my early 20s, who felt alone and scared and tired and angry much of the time leading up to it, I am disgusted by your partner.” friendlily
21. AITJ For Feeling Taken Advantage Of By My Musician Partner?
“I (36f) have been with my partner (49m) 4 years, living together 3. He has two amazing kids (18m/9f), I adore spending time with them. He’s divorced, I never married/ kids by choice. We moved in together in their old place, didn’t want the kids to lose their home after Mom moved.
I work 50+ hours in retail, high pressure, he works M-F. I agreed to the school transport on Fridays on an off day because of the custody agreement and his schedule. His son handles Thursdays. I work weekends.
We moved and he joined a Classic Rock cover band.
Great musician, playing most of his life. He’s started having more and more gigs, when he does he expects me to stay home with kids, most of the shows are at bars or inappropriate places. I did it the first year but said it’s unfair I work more, plan all holidays, and one of my only days off volunteer for school duty.
He’s never planned much or any events with the kids but he is responsible with housework and we split bills.
Last weekend he had a show. I took vacation time, his niece was having a baby shower and his family was coming into town.
I went to the shower with his Ex (who I like we text/talk/get along), he hung out with his Dad, then they went to the show while I stayed home. Not his fault I get up at 5am, but I always feel left out and a little sad.
We tried to patch it up, I told him again we need to be more fair with time and prioritize doing things as a couple too.
This week he has a show Friday night. I told him again it’s not fair for me to be on school duty, sit home with them all night, and he gets to go do whatever he wants while I work all weekend.
He says I’m just jealous and don’t understand how important his music is. He argues that it’s also a source of income, but I bought everything for their birthdays, Halloween outfits, my mom helps with Christmas while he bought a new guitar and hundreds in equipment.
I got tired of fighting and just said he was right, I don’t understand. This morning he stomped out without saying goodbye and turns out he’s going straight from work to his show.
I truly love them, but I feel taken advantage of.
He says I’m controlling and jealous, I don’t think asking him to be the parent and take care of his responsibilities instead of putting it on me. I put so much effort to the house and have no say in anyone’s schedule.
I love he has a passion, and I believe he is genuinely talented and deserves a life outside of the house but, still. My schedule isn’t his fault either though.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Oof, what an attitude on that man. Oh, he “deserves” a life outside of the house, but you don’t?
You “have” to watch and pay and care for children that you love, sure, but didn’t even give birth to, and even if you did — forget that! He’s their parent, he’s the one with a 9-year-old who needs her dad, and she will remember that he thought he “deserved” to have fun and that fun wasn’t being with her.
He needs a reminder that you can walk (and possibly will) out that door and then he HAS to give up his precious band and take responsibility for his children.” fallingintopolkadots
Another User Comments:
“If he had a real passion he would write his own music instead of being a 40-year-old schmuck in a local cover band blowing his $50 guarantee on gear instead of buying his children Christmas and birthday gifts.
I’m a musician too but that “extra income” line is nonsense. Unless he’s playing corporate gigs every weekend he’s making chump change that he probably spends at the bar before he leaves. I used to be the partner funding everything as well with no free time and becoming increasingly exhausted. You may love the kids but this man doesn’t love you.
Save yourself and get out.” Red_Phoenix_Vikingr
Another User Comments:
“Stop, being so available, if you have plans, he has to figure out kid duty. And don’t be so available. Stop funding birthdays and holidays for the kids. Maybe just one small gift just from you.
Make him and his ex pay for everything for their children. Me, I’d be hanging with my friends while he is at his gigs And I’d be planning my escape. Banking some money. Packing up my small stuff. Finding another place to live. I wish you well.
Good Luck” bbaywayway
20. AITJ For Defending My Autistic Friend's Blunt Comment to My Family?
“I (13m) have a friend, Jameson (13m).
Jameson is a new student at our school, up until last year he went to some sort of special school for disabled kids.
Jameson is autistic and easily the smartest kid in school. Jameson and I were partners in Science class for when the teacher did icebreakers on the first day of school.
I had mentioned an injury one of my friends had from baseball and he started talking about kinesiology and the science of how we can be safer in sports. I found him interesting and asked for his socials.
Ever since my friends and I have become close to him, he comes to our baseball games and we try to help him be more social. Most kids in school just know him as a genius because he’s always answering questions.
Jameson sometimes says things that aren’t mean, but come off as mean because of his autism. He’s a good kid though and would never hurt anyone on purpose. He’s very sweet and caring.
Last night, Jameson was at our house for dinner, we were doing a project for science class.
My whole family was there as we always have pizza on Friday with the family (aunts, cousins, uncles, etc).
My 9-year-old sister is currently struggling in school, she doesn’t do her homework much and I’ve heard her complain about how she doesn’t care how school is “too hard” and how she’d rather talk to her friends.
My parents always tell her that it’s fine because “Einstein failed math”. We were eating together and my sister was talking about school again, and like my parents always do, they said something about Einstein failing school.
Jameson then said that was “historically inaccurate” and that the myth only comes from “people who want to make their child feel better about themselves for being stupid”.
Naturally, my sister got upset, my family started to yell at Jameson and I took him to my room to finish working on the project.
He asked me why people were mad at him and I explained that what he said came off as offensive, he said he didn’t get it because “it’s just the facts, how can anyone get offended over that”, I discussed it with him for a while and he seemed to get it, not sure though.
Jameson isn’t the type of kid to say stuff just to offend people. After he left, my parents said that they never wanted him in the house again. I tried explaining to them that he didn’t understand why what he said may be seen as inappropriate because of his autism.
My parents said that it didn’t matter and that “kids like him shouldn’t be in the same type of school you’re in”, I tried defending him by mentioning how smart and sweet he is but they didn’t listen to me and said I was being dismissive of my sister’s needs.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. He may have said something rude, but your parents are irresponsible and ignorant for not getting your sister the help she needs for her, for lack of a better word, dumbness. Jameson was only saying the truth, and as a person with autism sometimes we blurt things out.” funnymama19
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Jameson has a good friend in you. I wonder where you got your empathy and patience; it doesn’t seem to be from your parents. Instead of being incredibly proud of you for treating your friend as an equal; your parents are punishing you.
I’m sorry for that. Keep up the good work and gently explain to your friend when he misses social cues.” copy
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Just tell your parents to go right off (excuse my language) if they’re gonna be that way. What they said was so offensive, hurtful, and ableist. I have autism myself and I struggle with that too.
I can understand your parents to a certain degree, misunderstandings happen and Jameson was not insulting your sister but I do understand why it came across that way but saying that kids like him shouldn’t be in the same type of school you’re in is incredibly ableist and hurtful.
What your parents said was not ok and I am glad Jameson wasn’t there to hear it. I do wanna commend you for being friends with Jameson. It is hard for autistic people to make friends because they have a hard time picking up on social cues and understanding social rules so I am really glad you gave him a chance.” SwedishFicca
19. AITJ For Not Wanting My Husband To Have A Relationship With His Mother?
“I (27F) went out with my husband (25M) and his parents (both 50). My mother-in-law and I never got along from the day I said I do to her son.
I had a child with her son in 2019, she wanted to visit for his birthday but I said no because I was pregnant again, and it was 2020 so there were global issues going on. She then yelled and made a huge fit about how she’s going to miss his birthday and it was my fault.
Anyways so this tumultuous relationship has been going on at long distance. Well recently she and her family moved to where my husband and I are. She invited us out for drinks and promised to get food, we didn’t. I had a couple of drinks on an empty stomach( with food I get buzzed off 2 beers.) Anyways fast forward through the night I’m inebriated and I see my husband check out another female so I called him out.
He then replied with “you always ruin everything” at this I got mad and stormed away. His mom followed me, I was crying telling her that her son was not perfect and he had been neglecting our family and hasn’t been helping me with the children.
She then said you have no right to talk about my son like that and she, I kid you not, said “I have nothing to lose if I swing on you right now.” I was absolutely flabbergasted. We went back inside I tried to tell my husband but he didn’t want to speak to me.
We end up going back to his parents hotel for a minute and that’s when I called her out in front of him. She then stood up again to do again, then we left. He recorded me on the way home, I’m sure for court so he could try to get full custody of our children.
We didn’t talk for a few days after. I thought for sure this was done.
I then said she put you in the situation where you have to choose, but I felt like I was the one who put my foot down saying I will not be treated like this by his family.
I feel like he would have let things go back to normal if I wouldn’t have said something. He then said he wanted a break from his family. So we didn’t speak with them for about 2 months. Now he is back to trying to have a relationship with his mom and to me it feels like he is literally talking to an ex.
I mean his mom flat out said she doesn’t want us to be together and that we should get a divorce. I told him I’m uneasy about him and that relationship and then he proceeds to tell me that I am the problem.
AITJ ?”
Another User Comments:
“ESH and this is a whole mess. None of you are innocent in this, you cannot blame your MIL for you getting inebriated and not seeking out your own food. You then unloaded on her about her son, you made a scene in front of your unpleasant husband who’s checking out other women.
MIL is totally out of line clearly too. The only person I’m not sure is a jerk is your FIL but I’m sure that’s likely too at this rate.” ClarityByHilarity
Another User Comments:
“You can’t hold a person away from their family for their entire life.
Your title and the issue are not the same- the title suggests YOU don’t want a relationship with his family, which is one thing. But the issue is trying to keep HIM from his family, which is wrong and in that situation YTJ. However overall you all sound like unpleasant people who need to work on yourselves, separately.” Unhappy_Ad7172
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. The marriage is over. He’s checking out other women and you think he’s messaging an ex. You’re 27. Enough time to find someone else or start therapy. No need to waste any more time on your failing marriage. I don’t know your MIL.
So I won’t make assumptions but it sounds like everything stems from your husband. Every problem you listed all leads back to your husband. Go talk to a divorce lawyer. Get your ducks in a row and get out.” FluffyPal
18. AITJ For Threatening To Call The Cops On My Ex Over Our Sick Child?
“I have a 2-year-old with my ex.
We are mid 20s. Just the beginning of this week I got an urgent call from him twice telling me to answer my phone. I finally answer my phone and he’s angry that our child is possibly getting “hand, foot, and mouth” disease.
Basically to rewind time just a week before that my little brother who happens to live in the same household as my child and I had caught it at school from teammates.
I had ended up telling my ex this just to let him know and keep him in the loop.
Now fast forward to this week it was his time to get her, he usually gets her once a week and I have her the remainder days due to him working a lot of hours.
So he calls me being upset that our child is getting sick pretty much blaming me making it seem like I didn’t take the necessary precautions to keep her from getting sick. Even though I made sure to not be around my brother and Clorox wipe down everything he might of touched and used a lot of hand sanitizer on our hands.
I told him that I was trying and he proceeded to say he doesn’t want to put her back in this house to endanger her with this disease since my brother is here. I said if she is sick already then it wouldn’t matter if she is here or there because she is already sick and that my brother is better now and back to school.
We end up arguing and the fact that he works so much means he wouldn’t have been able to take care of her there and he would’ve ended up trying to pawn her off to someone else in his family. I left it at that as I had to work so I got back to him later on that night as it would’ve been time for him to drop her off.
I call him and say “Are you going to bring her back at the time we agree on or should I just come and pick her up” He ignores my question to then argue some more with me so I finally said okay I will just pick her up then to he replies with a “ bet I won’t answer” so I said okay so if you don’t bring her back at said time I will call the police.
Now he’s mad at me, can’t look at me the same says I’m evil, etc and is now threatening full custody and that if he gets it I’ll never hear from him again which means I’d never hear from my child again.
Now I’m wondering if I overreacted and was a bit harsh on threatening to call the cops on him ?”
Another User Comments:
“Keep all this information and correspondence and then talk to your lawyer. I’d talk to the police as well just to make them aware of the situation and possibly preemptively contact CPS and let them know what’s going on in case he decides to try that route.
NTJ, he failed the agreement and kids get sick. Neglect and endangering her would be refusing care or telling her to go around and lick people who are sick. Not “hey just be aware this has occurred and she may have been exposed.”” Relevant_Birthday516
Another User Comments:
“As a man who has had the cops called on something similar (much older child, and a different issue that she was actually refusing to acknowledge, with a teenager who was refusing to go back) I’m going to say NTJ. Kids get sick.
You can’t keep her in a bubble her whole life, he sounds like he has been waiting for an excuse here. Good luck, it is hard to navigate this, but it has an end, honest.” No-Yam-1231
Another User Comments:
“Seems as though you have an informal custody agreement, one not mandated by the court….if so then police involvement would be moot, as dad has the same access rights to the child as you too…suggest you and he, go to court and get an official custody and support issue, one that includes his concern for appropriate medical treatment and care….I’m going with no jerks here and simply suggest both working towards a more effective co-parenting plan” Ill-Poet5996
17. AITJ For Feeling Left Out After Taking a Break From My D&D Group?
“I (31f) used to play D&D with a group of local friends and hosted sessions at my place throughout most of last year. We usually played every other Sunday for brunch and everyone brought some brunch food. It got to be a big thing taking 5-6h every time that I barely managed to recover from in time to go to work on Mondays as I struggle with the pressure of being around a lot of chatty people for long periods of time.
I’ve also got a demanding job and found it harder and harder to enjoy D&D on weekends because I was overwhelmed and overstimulated, especially when multiple people started talking at the same time. That’s something that happens a lot with this group of friends, and I kept asking them to keep calm, to just have one person talking at a time, because I simply couldn’t follow what we were playing anymore.
It never really changed.
During Christmas, I had a big falling out with my family and now have no contact with them, which caused my mental health to tank and exposing myself to overstimulation on the weekends didn’t help, so I texted my group I’d need some time off D&D to focus on my mental health since my family was breaking apart.
I’d stay in the group chat though should I feel up to joining later in the year again. Everyone showed sympathy.
But as some time passed, a member of the group reposted fanart they did of everyone’s character. They had posted it to the group before.
There was no comment or explanation. All they had changed now was a logo and cropping my character out of it. Everyone posted happy smileys in response. While I did feel unsettled by this, I didn’t want to start any drama, as they probably had talked about the fanart in their sessions and the thing with my character was maybe just an afterthought.
Now, they’ve hinted they’re planning a secret Santa in our group chat. Last year I organized that. Now they’ve set it all up and didn’t even ask me if I wanted to join, all while talking about it right there in front of me in the group chat.
I asked one friend about that privately, and they all but said “well you said you didn’t want to play D&D anymore so we just assumed you don’t want anything at all to do with us anymore”. I asked why they hadn’t simply asked if I wanted to join instead of simply deciding to leave me out, and they just said “we could have”.
All I said was that I needed time to myself because I was losing my entire family – does that make me a jerk? I did withdraw from most group activities for that same reason, but I’ve been open about it and whenever someone addressed me I replied.”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. It’s been a year. They thought you moved on. All those times where you silently brooded you could’ve reached out reminding you’re still there and want to still be involved. You needed time, they gave you time, they are still giving you time.
It’s up to you, not them, to bring you back in to fold.” pottersquash
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. You told them you were dropping out. Which is your right and that’s fine. But it seems like you want to be included selectively in some things but not others and don’t seem to like that they moved on.
Yeah, they are going to change things without you, do get-togethers and other social things as a group without you. It doesn’t work to leave a group and then get salty that you’re no longer included. I also question the wisdom of stepping back from it since it seemed like a positive outlet.
You exercise your own judgment, but I’d suggest thinking hard about apologizing and humbly asking if you can return.” QuesoDelDiablos
Another User Comments:
“I think you’re feeling left out of something you once enjoyed and playing victim about it. Your mental health should ALWAYS come first, you did what was best for you by leaving the group, and they respected you for it, did they not?
Showing you sympathy. Now you’re trying to blame them because no one asked you to do the Secret Santa thing. People can’t read your mind, you could speak up and say something to your group. How do they know you’re ready to participate in anything unless you say something?
In all honestly, soft YTJ.” DLCMotroni
16. AITJ For Not Gifting My Best Friend On His Birthday After He Forgot Mine?
“I 20F have been best friends with 20M for about 5 years now. We often go to one another when we have problems and have just constantly been each other’s closest friend since we met.
About a couple of months ago, he started seeing this girl from one of his classes and ever since then we haven’t talked or seen much of each other.
I didn’t really mind since I figured they needed the time to bond and get to know each other better.
Well a week and a half ago, I had my birthday and he completely forgot about it. He sent me a text around lunchtime asking if we could meet up on campus and I agreed. When we met up at the library I thought he was going to wish me a happy birthday but ended up asking me if I could help him finish his friend’s report for her corporate finance class (I’m not in finance but I’m quite good at making presentations and have a good visual eye when it comes to editing).
I was surprised since I’ve never even met his friend but he said he’d pay me for it and would get me coffee if I did it so I agreed.
After finishing the presentation, he leaves me in the library and says he had to go and that we would talk later.
He talks to me casually throughout the day but I wasn’t really replying much since I was kinda bummed out and I had to get ready to drive home since my parents were taking me out to dinner.
When we got seated at the restaurant I told him I might not reply until later because I was having dinner with my parents.
I told him it was my birthday dinner with them. He ignored it and went on to talk about a different topic.
Days after that we never talked about him forgetting my birthday but I just brushed it off because I thought I was being overdramatic.
His birthday was today and I didn’t get him anything. But I did wish him a happy birthday. He asked me what I got him as a gift and I told him I didn’t buy him anything but wish him a great day. Now he’s being snappy at me and said he was disappointed because I had asked him what he wanted as a present 3 months back.
I kind of think I was being overdramatic and petty and should have just gotten him a gift.
My other friends said I didn’t do anything wrong since he forgot my birthday and stopped hanging out with me anyway ever since he got with his friend.
AND ALSO he hasn’t paid me for finishing the presentation for him nor has he gotten me coffee. LOL. So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but instead of being passive-aggressive about it you might consider the more mature approach of communication. Tell him you were hurt that he totally blew off your birthday and didn’t really feel like getting him a gift since he doesn’t seem to have any time for you except to ask you for favors.
I get you guys are only 20 and are still learning about these things but in life effective communication will take you very far.” satchel-of-richards
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but he sounds like he’s using you and is not a real friend. I recommend having a conversation about him forgetting your birthday and how it made you feel.
Also mention that you’re disappointed he still hasn’t paid you or gotten you coffee. If after this things don’t change that would be a sign the friendship has run its course.” Sea-Ad3724
Another User Comments:
“NTJ I am so offended on your behalf.
Please tell him he didn’t even greet you on your birthday even after you told him you were having your birthday dinner. Stop letting this jerk take advantage of your kindness. The fact that he is going out of his way to help his friend, to the point of asking you to help him help her, but he can’t even be bothered to greet you?!?!!!
And then he acts all entitled as if you owe him a gift?! Wowwww.” FutureSelection
15. AITJ For Reporting My Uncle's Unhealthy Feeding Habits and Getting His Dog Taken Away?
“My (27F) favorite uncle’s wife passed away last year. He was lonely and ended up getting a dog afterward, and even though he was still grieving, the dog seemed to cheer him up a little.
However, my uncle, while very much a responsible adult for the most part, is a bit eccentric and also clueless.
He takes reasonably good care of the dog (walks it, feeds it, grooms it, etc.), and has always seemed to love giving animals people food. (We used to constantly have to stop him from feeding my family’s old dog table scraps because she had a very sensitive stomach, and once my dad got upset because my uncle gave his half and half to a stray cat, and there was none left for my dad’s coffee)
My uncle started feeding his dog people food… He would heat frozen breakfast sandwiches, and sometimes cook the dog eggs for dinner, and even when feeding her dog food, would always include a few pieces of kielbasa, saying she liked it.
Pretty much every day, he would give her leftovers from his plate, or the bone if he was eating steak or something, or offer her pieces of raw meat and fat when cooking, and didn’t seem to have done any research on what dogs should and shouldn’t eat, because he’d offer her just about anything.
Once, the dog ate a bowl of m&Ms that he had sitting out, and after that, he put a lid on the candy, but afterward, would occasionally feed her a few m&Ms anyway, saying that she liked them and it was just an occasional treat.
The dog gained a LOT of weight in the first few months and is now significantly rounder. I tried to suggest to my uncle that he should stick to feeding her dog food, but he wouldn’t listen and insisted that the dog liked it and he wanted to keep her happy.
After finding out that he was feeding her m&Ms, I tried again to tell him that he shouldn’t be giving those to a dog, but he insisted it was only a few and that she liked them.
I was worried about the dog, so I called the local animal shelter in his city and filed a complaint and said that he was overfeeding his dog.
The dog ended up getting taken away, and my uncle was really upset.
My dad found out what I did, and got mad, saying that it was none of my business what my uncle chose to feed his dog, that the dog had helped him so much after losing his wife, and that I should see what I could do to help him get the dog back.
Was I the jerk for doing this? I know he loved the dog and appreciated the companionship, but I was genuinely concerned for the dog.”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ The man JUST LOST HIS WIFE. You took away his only companionship, just because his dog was a little overweight?
Other than the chocolate I don’t see a problem with the other food he’s giving her. So what, he likes to spoil his dog? You didn’t mention that the dog had any severe problems with its health, just that it was overweight. Real jerk move man.
Did you forget the part that HE JUST LOST HIS WIFE? Jesus Christ OP.” AdMoney110
Another User Comments:
“YTJ you could have done more to tackle this before calling in the animal shelter. Whilst he’s not feeding the dog properly, getting animal shelters involved will be a massive headache, and may end up getting the dog euthanized if there are overcrowding issues, or given to someone else permanently.
I understand you mean well but this dog was this man’s companion and I would be heartbroken if someone did this to me and my dog.” zoobatron__
Another User Comments:
“NTJ While I have empathy for your uncle and in general it would be a jerkish thing to take away his dog, it was still the right thing to do here in my opinion.
The thing is, that your uncle made the dog suffer, as chocolate is poison for dogs and overall there is a huge difference between human food and dog food. And you didn’t call the shelter out of nowhere but after trying to reason with your uncle.
If he had gone further, he would only make the dog miserable.” Dimirosch
14. AITJ For Disliking My Mom's Secretive Partner Who Influences Her Negatively?
“I’m 21F, and my mom has been a single parent since I was born, she never really involved me in her romantic relationships and somewhat saw people in secret. Well; for the past 2 years she’s been seeing this guy, I know he exists but I’ve only met him once.
My mom says that’s normal but I’ve asked a few of my friends and I just don’t agree. She tells me things about him but when I ask to see him it’s always followed with things like “why do you need to see him?” or “I like keeping you and my love life separate.” I’m not saying I want to be there with them 24/7 but this guy has a major impact on my mom’s life and I’d like to get to know him in person and not just through what she tells me.
He’s never met anyone in my family either, my family invites him to holidays and things like that but conveniently something ALWAYS comes up, obviously my family doesn’t buy it anymore.
That’s not really the big issue for me, he’s done and said a few things that just make my opinion of him overall negative.
The major thing is that he told my mom and me to move in with him (2022) I was in college at the time and working, I put my two weeks in when it was time for the move, all of our stuff was packed, and I was just getting over the anxiety of moving somewhere new, the day before we were supposed to move he changes his mind.
My mom and I were furious, and I really thought this was gonna be the end of that relationship, two weeks later it’s all fine and dandy! What the heck?!?
He’s brought up my mom moving in with them again, but this time my mom doesn’t want me there.
I get that I am 21 and should eventually move out but I truly can’t afford it right now, and she holds it against me. She spends most of her time at his place and I never see her and when I do, we just argue.
My mom’s partner also happens to share different views on many things than I and that’s fine, everyone has the right to do so but his views are genuinely turning my mom into an awful person. All of a sudden she’s now somewhat homophobic, uses slurs that I’ve never heard her use, I’m mixed with white and African American and I hear her make inappropriate comments about black people when we see them on TV.
She’s just not my mom anymore, and I don’t know if I should blame him or her? I’m sure there’s other stuff I forgot to include. But when she asks me why I don’t like him I tell her there’s nothing to like, Am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ! You should tell your mom when she asks it’s because you recognize the negative influence he has on her, remind her that you’re also bi-racial so making disparaging remarks around you is insulting and not a reflection of all. Be truthful with her and let it be known you don’t like who she is when he’s around etc. NTJ at all.
The slurs are not okay! Either way start looking into a roommate situation or other living arrangements before you’re stuck between the two of them. Hang in there. NTJ.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, and next time she asks you why you don’t like him, I would tell her that you don’t like who she is when under his influence.
Sounds like he doesn’t want anything to do with you though, which is why he has to slow play you out of the picture entirely” AgitatedDot9313
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and she’s being influenced by a certain type of guy is what it sounds like.
She doesn’t want to bring him around because she knows you and others won’t approve/like him or his behaviors. I wish I knew how to free people from this sort of influence but have seen it happen to friends’ parents over the last few years too.
So sorry.” Hot_Box_4574
13. AITJ For Laughing At My Old Bully Getting Rejected On The Bus?
“Last night I (f19) was catching a bus home from university (I live 30 minutes away from university, so I still live at home) it was a late night bus as I’d stayed back late and studied in the library. There wasn’t anything unusual about the bus, until I started to hear a familiar annoyingly squeaky voice talking at the back of the bus, I looked behind to see it was a girl who had bullied me relentlessly throughout secondary school, sat with a guy who had bullied me during primary school.
To make this an easier read, I’ll call her Missy and him Bill.
My headphones had died whilst I was studying, so I couldn’t help but eavesdrop on their conversation. I pretty quickly realized that Missy was flirting with Bill and kept suggesting that they ‘needed to go out sometime’ and that they ‘need to make it a date’ Bill was clearly not into her, but his friend kept egging Missy on.
I started to feel quite bad for Bill, even if he was a little jerk through school, Missy just wouldn’t stop trying and his friend was making it get even worse.
Whilst this was all happening, I was texting a group chat of my friends everything they were saying and desperately trying not to laugh at what I was overhearing.
Missy is very disliked by our friendship group — whilst we were still at school, she slept with one of their partners, called one racist slurs, suggested that one of them had been deported after having a week off to travel to her grandmother’s funeral, and outed me as a lesbian to my parents on my own birthday.
So they were all finding it as amusing as I was.
I was trying my hardest to hold back my laughter as the group chat was making jokes and Missy was getting rejected again and again, but not taking the hint. Missy finally broke me when Bill once again said no, and her comeback to being rejected was ‘but I have a fat bunda’ (for all of those outside of the UK, a fat bunda would be a large bottom)
I burst out laughing, making myself snort as I continued laughing. I turned around to apologize, whilst trying to hold back my laugh, but Missy was glaring at me and Bill looked like he wanted to be anywhere but the bus at that moment. Missy then began screaming at me and stormed off of the top deck, down to the bottom deck for the rest of the bus journey.
I feel bad for laughing at her and making Bill feel even more uncomfortable, but it felt good seeing my old bullies making a fool of themselves, so AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Anybody who would say that sort of thing, out loud, on a bus, can’t expect others around to completely ignore the spectacle that Missy was making.
You have the right to not feel sorry for any of them for the reasons you listed, but even total strangers would have a difficult time trying not to laugh at the situation on that bus that you witnessed.” frostedtim
Another User Comments:
“NTJ They were obviously talking loud enough for you to hear and when they said something funny, you laughed out loud.
That is the risk of having what should be private conversations in public. They made fools of themselves, you did not make fools of them.” Proverbs21-3
12. AITJ For Possibly Preventing My Father and His Wife From Adopting A Child?
“So my father and his wife are unable to have children together. He has me (16m) from his marriage to my mom which ended because he was unfaithful to her with his now wife.
The unfaithfulness was discovered when I was 7 and my mom left him straight after. I split time with both of them unfortunately, which meant I was around my father and his wife a lot and she tried to be a second mom to me which I think was poor after she knowingly slept with a married man (she was seeing his best friend at the time too).
My mom died when I was 12. Then I had to live with my father and his wife and had no escape from them. They tried to make me forgive them/let go of what happened and they did a bunch of therapy with me. But I always told him I would stop speaking to him as soon as I turn 18.
They found out 3 years ago that they could not have kids together and almost 2 years ago started the process to adopt a baby from foster care. During the process I was interviewed. This was in February of this year. I was asked questions about my relationship with “my parents” which I corrected and told them she was not my parent and he was only because of blood.
Then asked how I would feel about a sibling and I told them I would have nothing to do with one and was planning to move and never speak to my father again once I turn 18. The social worker looked kinda alarmed by that. She asked me about my father’s family and I said they disowned him after he was unfaithful and so did all of his friends.
Soon after the interviews were done they were rejected and told they could not provide a suitable environment for a child.
My father’s wife fell apart. I heard her say mom must have been cursing her from beyond the grave. She’s really religious and does believe people can send good or bad luck from beyond the grave.
She’s still not over the news and a few weeks ago my father was telling me I should take pity on her and at least be friendly to her. I asked why I’d do that and he said her dream of motherhood is over. I told him I didn’t care.
He asked me if I had something to do with that. I shrugged. He then went off on me saying it was cruel to punish them this long. He said they could have provided a child with so much love and it was wrong to say things that got in the way of that.
She sobbed for a week when he told her.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – You were asked questions and you answered them honestly. As long as there were no lies then you did nothing wrong. It amazes me the number of people that break up a home, move in/marry an affair partner, and then are all surprised that their kids aren’t happy about it and resent the parent for it.
Also sorry about your mother.” judgingA-holes
Another User Comments:
“NTJ- You gave honest answers to the social worker. Good on you. I wish poor parents were required to get input from their current children before having more children. In all seriousness, I do not believe your interview is why their application was denied, given the high rate of children that need homes.
Regarding the unfaithfulness – they say you lose ’em the way you got ’em…. your biological father’s current wife is in for a big surprise when he is unfaithful again. And it has nothing to do with beyond the grave. Info: how did your mom pass?” Cocokreykrey
Another User Comments:
“I’m going with NTJ for one simple reason, the social worker asked you a question and you answered with the truth, you had no intention nor the need to cover up for them, if you lied or simply not answered with the full story and they ended up with a child but didn’t treat them right, then part of the fault will fall on you.” Lavender_Everett
11. AITJ For Remaining Neutral During My Best Friends' Divorce?
“My two best friends were together for 10 years, married for 5. I met them a few years ago and we’ve been very close ever since. However, in the last year, things went downhill in their relationship.
They both started to feel unhappy with each other for various reasons and thus felt trapped. They both began resenting each other.
Both of them would come to me separately to talk about it, and I supported them both emotionally as best as I could. They both had valid feelings and experiences through it all and I related to both in some way. They each were always there for me in my times of need and now I was doing the same for them.
When they confided in me, they each would tell me things in secrecy. I stay true to my word and I wouldn’t tell them what they said about each other. He had told me he was making arrangements and planned on leaving her and she revealed to me that she had started a relationship with someone else.
They were both in so much pain and did so much wrong to each other. Neither of them were innocent. I didn’t want to make matters worse by revealing it all and hurting them both more in addition to losing their trust in me.
So I decided to keep my mouth shut and stay neutral.
Well fast forward and the truth of everything eventually came out and she told him that I had known about her relationship all along. He didn’t get upset with me because he knew he had also told me plenty of things in secrecy as well.
They ended up getting divorced and moving away from each other. I remained friends with both of them. Nowadays, I’m not as close with the wife as I am with the husband, but regardless still friends.
Well today I mentioned in passing to my friend that I had talked to his ex.
He told me how hurt he was that I continue to talk to his ex even after knowing everything she did and all the pain she caused him and is still trying to sort through.
In his eyes, he is completely innocent in the downfall of their relationship and her relationship sort of became the red herring that overshadowed everything else.
I know the truth as far as his contributions to why they divorced, but he doesn’t know that I do and telling him now would basically be me kicking him while he’s down.
I’ve done my best to stay neutral through everything, but I guess here my neutrality is looking like complicity.
They both mean a lot to me and have been amazing friends and support to me. I guess I don’t really know where to go from here.”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ Him coming to you and saying, “I’m actually going to leave” is a far cry from “I’ve started a relationship with someone else while we are still officially together”.
His feelings are valid because you’re still friends with a person who was unfaithful. And you weren’t a neutral party. You liked being in the middle of all the gossip, feeling like you have the “keys to the kingdom”. A neutral party would’ve said, “I’m both of your friends, and I’d like to continue to be so.
You cannot come to me with your marital issues. I would recommend a marriage counselor.”” StellarPhenom420
Another User Comments:
“How can you give them honest advice about what they should do if you are listening to both of them? And yes a lie by omission is still a lie.
If you weren’t friends with her and you found out she was unfaithful, you would’ve told him first thing! You are not Switzerland, you’re the double agent.” Critical_Item_8747
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here- You kept your word, and kept both of their confidences.
And it seems that neither of them are holding it against you. Don’t let outsider opinions change sway your resolve. Like you said, you have more information than them. And you were definitely put in a very difficult position. It was a lose-lose situation no matter what you did.
You’re either a liar or a traitor according to someone on the outside.” Savings_Summer2608
10. AITJ For Wanting Payment After Dressing Up As Elsa For Neighbor's Party?
“I 20M work with a costume character company that does children’s events. My neighbor 36F invited me to her daughter’s 6th birthday party, where I had to come in dressed up as Elsa from Frozen.
When I was away in the afternoon one of my neighbors visited my house. My mom and neighbor are somewhat close and in one of their discussions, my mom brought up my work. The conversation supposedly moved to her daughter’s birthday and that she wanted to do something Frozen-related since it’s her daughter’s favorite movie, and asked if I would be free that day to come in as a Frozen Character.
When I came home from a friend’s house my mom told me her conversation with the neighbor: she brought up the Birthday party, and I kind of shrugged and agreed since the neighbor offered 100$. I called my work and told them the situation, since my company is pretty lax with me I asked to borrow the Olaf costume.
They told me that Olaf was reserved for a week, and said I could use the Elsa costume instead.
I’m kind of used to dressing up as Princess characters, so I didn’t feel too forced to wear the Elsa Costume.
Fast forward to the day of the party, everything went well and I got multiple compliments on my costume.
A few of my other neighbors were there and were surprised it was me. Come to the end of the party, I ask the mother for my payment where she dumps the “I am short on money right now, But you could take some leftovers and one of my daughter’s presents.” I told her I needed the money and wasn’t planning on taking her kid’s gift. I felt angry and was about to walk home when I heard her daughter crying and saw the mother pull a toy out of her daughter’s hand and try to offer it to me.
I noticed a bunch of guests staring at me and the mom. I felt so embarrassed and confused about the situation, the father came in and handed me a twenty then I just walked off.
The day after I received a bunch of texts from the neighbor berating me and saying how selfish I was for wanting payment.
And it wasn’t just from the mom, another neighbor who attended texted me saying I should’ve done it out of the kindness of my heart as a person in the neighborhood. I brought this up with my mom and she was shocked and apologized to me since she told the neighbor about my job.
After this event, I feel like I can’t take another offer from a close family friend or family member. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. There is a name for what your neighbor did to you: she lied. She promised you payment and then refused the promised payment when you fulfilled your end of the deal. You are in no way the jerk in this situation.
And the neighbor is getting her friends to text you in order to bully you to back off – using peer pressure to get you to back off because she knows she is in the wrong. Doing it out of the “kindness of your own heart” should have been negotiated beforehand, not after she had agreed to pay you.
Not only should you press for payment, but you should let people know what she did to you so others don’t fall into the same trap.” bamf1701
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Guess what! The whole neighborhood just lost their access to you going to their parties in costume for cheap.
Next time someone asks? “Sorry, I don’t do private bookings anymore. People keep demanding I work for free, and my boss won’t appreciate me constantly undercutting them. Here’s the phone number/website for the company I work for.” If people think that asking for massive favors and then not giving the agreed payment is fine, then those people should work a day without pay and see how *they* like it.” Natural_Garbage7674
Another User Comments:
“Your neighbor’s stiffed you. They offered money and then they pretty much said just kidding. This is not OK. Next time you work for neighbors (or anyone else), you need a simple written contract that outlines when you’ll be there as a character and how much they’ll pay you.
You need to get this signed in advance. Your neighbors are the jerks here. NTJ.” Nester1953
9. AITJ For Refusing To Dress As A Male Character At Work Because Of My Past?
“I (22F) work at a daycare with several other coworkers in our two conjoining rooms. I do not like one of my coworkers, as she seems to think, despite only being about 3 years older than me, that she can boss me around, despite the fact that I’ve worked there longer.
Some background: This coworker has been on my nerves for a while, for how she treats me and the other kids. With those she’s determined she doesn’t like, she’s curt, short, and has actually rolled their eyes when they’re talking (including me). With me, she’s gone as far as to snap her fingers at me when I’m not “hurrying up”, then lambasts me for clapping to get the children’s attention because apparently we do that only to dogs (???).
Conveniently, she doesn’t do this when my boss is around.
Friday was the breaking point. She wanted everybody to do a specific theme, and then gave us all the characters. Funnily enough, I get the only male character in the group.
Now, I’m a femme lesbian.
None of my coworkers know, because they’ve never asked, why tell? But back in middle and high school, I was always picked on for being too “mannish” because of it. Girls that found out I was gay would then make a lot of jokes about how I need to be in the men’s locker room for gym, that I was secretly a hermaphrodite, all that mean girl type stuff.
There’s nothing wrong about crossdressing, I have no issues with it, and I know it’s been a cornerstone in lesbian culture, etc, etc, and it’s nothing to be ashamed of, but I don’t want to because of my past! I’m a woman, I’ve had that questioned before, I don’t want to look like a man.
I asked my coworker if I could just do a female version of that character, but she proceeds to blow up at me. She says I *always* make things harder than they have to be, she’s tired of it, some more stuff I toned out, and said “You’re gonna have to do something you don’t want to, honey, cause that’s the way things are!!!” (Don’t know where the honey came from, because like…she’s only 3 years older than me).
I got upset because she just embarrassed me in front of the kids and my other coworkers, but didn’t want to do so in front of the kids, so I left the room for a little bit. A different coworker came out and asked if I was okay.
I said yes, and when I went back in, everybody acted like nothing had happened.
I’m reporting this to my boss, but before I fully go through with it, I want to know if AITJ for being too “difficult”.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your coworker is acting like she’s your boss, and an obnoxious one at that.
I think you need to tell your boss about the whole string of workplace bullying incidents she’s done, not just the costume thing. It gives this some context and makes it clear that this is a chronic issue the boss needs to address. And who is your coworker to decide the group has to follow her theme and accept her assignments, anyhow?” KaliTheBlaze
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Irrelevant of gender preference, no one should have to dress up in a way that makes them uncomfortable. Period. And I can tell you exactly where the ‘honey’ came from. She was being condescending. I’m from the south, and ‘honey’ is a pretty common endearment to call someone here.
But there are two versions of it. There’s the sincere version, and then there’s the one where you’re obviously looking down on and sneering at someone. Give you one guess which one she was using.” WolfGoddess77
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Who is she to tell you or anyone what to dress up as.
Now if all of you talked about setting this up together and you were in on it but you just so happened to get the short end of the stick, then maybe I could see her point. But at the end of the day, you still have the right to dress up as whoever or whatever you want.
So she can shove it” FlashSingingMasher
8. AITJ For Wanting To Kick Out My Unhelpful Brother After 1.5 Years?
“My brother(19m) lives with me(24f), my husband(25m), and our 2 kids. It was meant to be just until he gets onto his feet kinda thing, short term. He’s been here for about a year and a half now and I’m so tired and burnt out.
I am an SAHM and I do everything in this house due to my husband supporting us. My brother and I had a verbal agreement that he would help out around the house, pay rent, and clean up after himself.
I drove over 1,000 miles just to go get him since we lived in different states.
He helped around the house at first but has slowly stopped doing anything, including cleaning up his room and the bathroom he shares with my children. I have had to call an exterminator, that’s how bad his room got.
When he first started working (took him 6 months to find and get a job) he paid 400 and I supplied him with meals, and anything else that he needed. He stopped helping around the house and I desperately want him out, so his rent is only 75 per his biweekly payments and he just has to worry about his room (which it still is and has been covered in garbage).
He has no other bills other than his measly $35 phone bill. Yet he still has no money saved up and is constantly broke?!?!? I don’t understand that. He constantly steals my kid’s food and then tries to lie to me about it, like I know you did it jerk.
I’m tired of having to clean up after him and constantly reminding him to clean up darn garbage that he leaves around the house. I have 2 toddlers, a manbearpig (husband), and 2 animals I already have to constantly clean up after. I’m tired, I want him out.
My family thinks I’m a jerk for giving him 6 months (since June) to save up as much money as he can before I kick him out. I don’t care where he goes anymore. I have handed everything to him on a silver platter, even offering to sell him my car for a FOURTH of the price it goes for just to get him out and adulting faster.
He has made no effort to even try to get himself in a better situation (like making appointments for glasses, DMV, and so on), and I’m tired of having one more person to clean up after. I get no me time and all I do is clean up after others.
I feel like him falling on his rear and experiencing homelessness will be his wake-up call to do better. I have tried everything. If I was in his shoes I would have thousands saved up by now. 150 a MONTH?!?!?! That’s a darn STEAL.
Anyway AITJ?
Cause I sure don’t feel like one.”
Another User Comments:
“Nooo NTJ You were and are honestly far more forgiving and patient than I could ever be with my siblings. You have done him a huge favor and not only has he disrespected your kindness, but you, your family, and your home.
You have given him more than enough time to get himself together. I think giving him the ultimatum and following through is your only option at this point. If your family thinks you’re the jerk, they can always take him in!!” esmegalileo
Another User Comments:
“NTJ You’ve given him a year and a half with basically non-existent rent. If he hasn’t saved a dime that’s on him. Either kick him out with the understanding that he can use your address on applications for jobs and things or start charging him as if he were a stranger.” Bitter-Berry482
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but remember, no one can take advantage of you without your permission, and you’ve not only permitted him, you’ve enabled him to the detriment of your own family. Let the rest of your family step in and support him if they feel so sorry for him.
You’ve done enough. Put his eviction notice in writing and give him whatever the minimum time is legally in your area.” Leopard-Recent
7. AITJ For Letting My Partner Pay for Her Own Birthday Dinner?
“I’m in a very new relationship, and her birthday fell on maybe our 9th or 10th outing.
Up until now on our outings, I paid for 1st outing, she paid for 2nd outing, and then since then I’ve just asked the server to half the check and she goes along with this fine.
Anyway, I thought it would be nice if we got an Airbnb out of state for a week overlapping with her birthday, so I suggested this to celebrate her birthday. She offered to pay towards it, and so I accepted – split the travel costs in half and she Venmoed me half of that.
Anyway, her birthday fell on the last day we were there, and we’d taken turns paying for things up until then. I was hoping to pay for her birthday meal, but the way things fell it happened to be her turn to pay on that night.
Anyway, the bill was a little more expensive than other nights because we’d gone all out a little bit more since it was a celebration with cocktails/ desserts, etc, so the bill ended up being the most expensive meal we’d had there. I’d picked quite an upmarket seafood restaurant for the occasion too.
The night before, she’d thanked me for dinner and I’d told her it was okay because she could get the bill the next night (her birthday) and she said “sure” but seemed a little off.
Anyway, on her birthday the dinner bill came while I was in the bathroom and she hadn’t paid it by the time I was back but I put this down to her being a little tipsy.
I asked her what she wanted to do about the check – whether she preferred if I paid since it was her birthday and she just said “it’s okay” and that she could get it. I accepted since it had been my turn the night before and she paid.
It was a little more expensive than the other nights ($130 vs maybe $70/$80 the other nights) but not by much so we pretty much ended up even over the checks as a whole.
However, she seems to have been a little bit colder with me since then, even though I got her a nice gift. I think I earn a significant amount more than her (I’m a software engineer and she’s a new teacher) so I prefer not to pay for everything on outings because I don’t want a gold digger.
In my experience, American women don’t usually mind doing 50/50 but then I have limited experience.
Why is she being off with me – could it be to do with the check? (Even though I offered)
Was she annoyed that it was a bit more expensive than the previous nights?
I did order quite a lot of food that night.
AITJ or is she being a princess?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Splitting everything 50/50 is fine generally, but your take on the whole birthday situation is pretty mean-spirited. You suggested the week away and she split it.
You were ‘hoping’ to pay for her birthday meal, at the more expensive restaurant *you* picked for *her* birthday (despite knowing she earns considerably less than you) but shucks, it didn’t work out that way. You say you offered to pay, but your previous description of the conversation doesn’t sound like an offer – more like putting her on the spot.
And then the gold-digger comment. Wow. Dude, you’re a software engineer, not a Kennedy. I don’t think being treated to a birthday meal is going to give the woman a taste of the high life.” AncastaOfTheRiver
Another User Comments:
“YTJ and you come across as a cheapskate and some gold-digger yourself, let’s revise: 1.
You generally take turns picking the tab, so the balance was fair by that point. 2. It was the 9th/10th outing, not the 2nd. 3. You make way more than her. 4._You_ picked a more expensive restaurant than usual. 5. _You_ also ordered more than usual, so you saddled her with a huge bill _on her birthday_!!
6. Hoping to be treated with a meal on your birthday, all else being equitable, does not a golddigger make. Yeah, it’s normal she is disappointed. Maybe your next outing (if there is one…) can be also at an upscale place and you encourage her to splurge.
(Possibly apologize for the birthday issue too?) My dude, being so exact with money, even superseding things like birthdays, is a major turn-off!” Worldly_Bug_2487
Another User Comments:
“YTJ She’s already splitting everything in HALF. The least you could’ve done was pay for her BDAY dinner.
Something tells me she’s getting ready to drop you The funniest part in all of this is that you wanna say you don’t want a gold digger but you can’t even pay 100% to take her out on a vacation. Gold diggers mess with people of wealth that will take care of them 100% NOT people who make their mate pay 50%.GTFOH with that BS.” No-Drawer-1286
6. AITJ For Keeping Distance From My Permissive SIL To Protect My Daughter?
“So my daughter is 4 and hers is almost 5. She came to our house a lot when they were younger. She had no rules, no boundaries, gave her whatever she wanted whenever she wanted, allowed snatching, and didn’t discipline or anything she was the most permissive mother ever.
Her daughter used to be very rough with mine and she never taught her to be gentle she just said things like “Just wait until your daughter is older” or “She’s only little she doesn’t understand”, she let her pull everything out of the cupboard, clothes out of my daughter’s wardrobe and throw them all up the hallway and didn’t pick them up or teach her not to do that.
This happened up until she turned 4. But even now she will still be mostly permissive.
It’s to the point now where she is very bossy and tells my daughter what to do, wants everything another child has, doesn’t listen (because she’s always been enabled to not listen), she will beat my daughter to a toy to get it first and if they play she plays games where she’s the teacher or the mum and bosses everyone around, if they play with barbies she will quickly grab the ones she wants and give my daughter the ones she doesn’t want and if my daughter doesn’t want to play with that one she tells her “no we are playing this” any way you get the picture.
I decided to keep my distance because I really can’t handle it and my daughter gets upset and I don’t want my daughter to be forced to be around another child like that family or not. My husband told her that we needed to sit down and talk about how we parent when the kids are together and she lost it with him and told him very hurtful things about him and me.
He ended up leaving because she was screaming at him.
I ended up messaging her about my side and how I felt how draining it is and how I don’t have the energy to be around it and she went off at me too. Said hurtful things to me as well and told me there was nothing wrong with her daughter or the way she is and then started attacking me and my kids.
Am I the jerk for being distant from these people? My MIL thinks we are being silly because kids will be kids. But she’s just as permissive as my SIL and MIL has an 11-year-old daughter, my niece used to snatch off her (still does) but she would take it back off her and niece would scream so SIL would yell at 11 year old to “just give it to her!” even though she knew her little sister had it first”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ keep your distance. You’re the ones doing the parenting justice. People like that end up raising self-entitled brats and bullies. Family can suck but regardless of what the tradition states (you can’t choose your family) you most certainly can. Let them continue to do what they do I’m sure they will only end up resenting themselves and their decisions eventually.” Tatty-b0jangles
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Protect your child, and avoid these people. Decline invitations, leave when problems arise, stay away. You’re not required to be around people who hurt your child and insult and berate you. MIL is wrong, see her less. If necessary, get a sitter, and don’t take your daughter when you see MIL.” Flimsy-Wolverine-663
5. AITJ For Not Wanting To Attend A Family Dinner With My Abusive Ex?
“I (F25) have an ex-partner (M26) and we were together back in high school, so nearly a decade ago. It was a tough relationship, that ended badly because of mistreatment (possibly narcissism) as well as a very complicated situation that unfolded with some friends. But in high school, he lived with me and my parents because his home situation was very broken/abusive and my parents took him in.
After the breakup. He stayed in touch with my parents. We’ve spoken once in a while throughout the years just on messenger. But 2 years ago he blocked me after I told him I couldn’t listen to him complain about how bad his life is if he isn’t willing to change anything (drama “follows” him everywhere and the sky is always falling).
He reached out again a couple of months ago panicking about how he’s going to be a father. I may have messed up in answering at all but figured I’d be civil since my parents still talk to him.
Here’s where my parents come into the mix.
As mentioned he’s stayed in touch with them, when I started seeing someone again after him, he was still invited to certain family functions when I had new partners there and they even went to his and his partner’s baby shower.
Last week the baby was born.
He’s been sending me photos and I assume sending them to my parents. Yesterday he and my mom both texted me saying he’s going to be going for supper at my parents on the weekend to show off the baby and they both said I should come.
He said he’d understand if I didn’t feel comfortable. But the request from my mom felt more like an expectation of me being there. I love my parents and in a lot of ways they’re amazing. I just find the dynamic with this specific ex strange.
Part of me wants to see the baby just because I like kids and he is super cute. But I can’t be around that ex and I don’t think I should reinforce this weird dynamic. It’s like he’s their 3rd child. And I know he lived with us for a while.
But that was almost a decade ago and he’s not my brother. So I’m not sure I should be expected to attend. Not to mention, I’m not even sure if his partner knows about this and I don’t want to add to that situation. So would I be the jerk if I didn’t go?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You’re right, this dynamic is next-level weird and uncomfortable. It’s already very dubious that your parents decided to stay so involved with an ex who was abusive towards you – but I won’t judge them too hard for that now, as I haven’t heard their reasons (and that’s not what the question was about anyway).
It’s *not okay* that they’re trying to force a sibling dynamic between you and him, however. I cringed just from reading that.” WoodlandOfWeir
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You need to set boundaries with your parents. Everyone will be happy once they learn to respect you.
Tell them that you are not interested in having your ex in your life IN ANY WAY and that if they decide to have him in their life that is fine. But he will never be in yours. EVER, in ANY WAY. This means that you will never be in the same room as him REGARDLESS of the event or situation.
If they persist in trying to force you to have a relationship with him you will reduce contact with them and if it persists still, it will be NC. And that will not change if you have children.” gloryhokinetic
Another User Comments:
“NTJ If you don’t feel comfortable, don’t go.
And don’t fall for the guilt bait. Your parents should respect you enough to not try and force you into a situation that would make you uncomfortable. If they give you grief about it, ask them why his feelings matter more to them than yours.
How long did he live with you their connection does seem weird, unless it was like 10 years or a long time like that. Less than 5 years? They need to let that man start his own life and treat him like a family friend, not a family member.” Live-Pomegranate4840
4. AITJ For Asking My Partner to Stop Exaggerating His Autism?
“I (21f) started seeing my partner (21m) 2 years ago. He was fun and had a lot of quirks I loved. As we started to get closer he let loose even more and I fell more in love with the real person he was. I’m someone who has their fair share of differences to everyone else so seeing him be who he was helped me be the same for him.
A couple of months ago he mentioned that he was going to be tested for autism because he thought a lot of his differences may be due to that. I fully supported this and helped him sign a bunch of the documents where he needed to show symptoms from another person’s point of view.
The results came back and he does. I was happy for him. I know how it feels to be different and not know why and then finally get a diagnosis and finally get the chance to understand yourself (I’ve dealt with mental health issues and being diagnosed has helped me in my journey – I know they’re different but the finally understanding aspect is still there).
Well, recently he’s been acting different. Every time he scrolls on tik his for You page is full of videos of people with autism explaining how it affects them and such. This is normal however he’s started mimicking the way other people act.
I’ll hear him watch a video and the next day he’s doing what they do constantly. The worst part to me is how much younger he acts. It’s hard to explain but it’s like he’s a child. He baby talks and acts like he suddenly can’t do things and has to be comforted and babied constantly and honestly I just can’t handle it anymore.
I don’t even know if that’s related to autism but his diagnosis has started it.
I won’t say that these are completely new. A few of them were small quirks he had that are now done on a much bigger scale.
The other day I was doing terribly and I came home and he had done nothing all day.
He saw me and the whole baby act started and I got so frustrated I asked him to stop exaggerating his autism all of a sudden. We got into an argument where he said he can’t help but be who he is now and I said that it feels like his issues are mostly mimicking what he sees so maybe he could just take a break from watching related content.
He stormed out and is now staying with a friend. We haven’t spoken for a few days now.
I feel like a horrible person but I also feel like he is exaggerating this. Can someone just tell me if I’m wrong? I don’t know if I can handle this if this is who he is anymore.”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. Perhaps you guys just grew apart. I am not a specialist, but I have seen cases where after the diagnosis the autistic person finally discovers who they are and stops masking. I don’t know if this is the case here, but it can be different for the other person to get used to it since you have only known one part of their mind due to masking.
Perhaps your partner is finally being himself and comfortable enough to show it to you. (But if you are completely sure he is faking it and feels like there is nothing more in this relationship, perhaps it’s a good time to leave it in the past)” Different_Wonder4203
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It is possible for people who have a legitimate diagnosis to then weaponize that diagnosis. I doubt a medical professional would sign off on ‘Because partner has autism, you must baby and comfort him whenever he wants.’ There may be a degree where he is no longer hiding his behavior.
However, that doesn’t mean you are obligated to stay in a relationship when he expects a lot of one-sided caretaking. You can decide that his ‘needs’ are too much and you aren’t compatible.” JoJo-likes-bikes
Another User Comments:
“It sounds like he’s unmasking. I did this too after I got my ADHD diagnosis, and started embracing some parts of my personality that I previously suppressed to seem more normal. Once I got the diagnosis it was like getting permission just to be myself.
I understand it’s frustrating for you and it is easier to believe that the way he was before was the real him and the current him is performative, but it seems from what he said it’s more likely that this is more who he is than he was before.” patellanutella73
3. AITJ For Wanting To Expose My Uncle's Greed on Social Media?
“My entire family are very non-confrontational people, almost to a fault. For context, this pertains to my mom’s side of the family. My grandparents had 5 children, 3 daughters, and a son, and my mom was the youngest.
If anyone is from FL you know the housing market right now is insanely high.
Initially, my uncle moved to our coastal town and bought ~10 acres of land in the 90s which back then didn’t cost a lot. Then my grandparents followed and bought 5 acres from him and built a house on it.
It’s important to note my uncle is not good with money, and a big reason he sold his parents that property is because he needed the money.
He had worked as a contractor his entire life so he built my grandparents’ house. All my aunts and uncles came over on weekends to help because they didn’t want my grandparents to need a mortgage, but my uncle did build most of it.
About 10 years goes by and my uncle is in financial trouble again. He made a deal with my grandparents without telling any of his siblings that my grandparents would mortgage their house and pay him again for building it. Also at the same time, again not telling anyone, he added himself to the deed of the house.
He is now co-owned.
Fast forward to the present day, my grandfather passed a few years ago so now just my grandmother and my uncle co-own it. My uncle wants to retire and wouldn’t you know it, he doesn’t have any money to retire with.
He and his wife have always lived well beyond their means.
My sweet grandmother would give you the shirt off her back even if it was the last one she owned. My uncle comes to her and says I want to sell my property and your property so I can retire.
These properties now are worth 5x of what they were when he bought them. That would mean my grandmother would be forced out of her house, her property sold and she wouldn’t get a dime.
He had her sign over her portion of the deed (again without telling anyone).
I am livid. He is taking advantage of his mother. Everyone else in my family has a ‘what’s done is done’ attitude (very non-confrontational) because she agreed that it there is nothing they can do. She is now moving in with my aunt who will be forced to take care of her physically and financially.
I want everyone to know how selfish they are. My uncle and his wife put a lot into their image. I want to expose them on social media for all their friends and family to see.
My entire family is against it, but I think it’s worth it.
Should I do it?”
Another User Comments:
“Not saying you’d be the jerk if you did expose them, but I don’t see how that will help your granny. Having a family meeting with all of these people, at once (minus your uncle of course) and roasting them for the situation they’ve let your grandma end up in could maybe make them feel embarrassed enough to come up with some solution.
Legally speaking, they’re right though. Your uncle was “smart” and no one stopped him, sadly.” StoneAgePixie
Another User Comments:
“Everyone’s a jerk here. Blasting them on social media may bring them shame, but you will get the brunt of the drama and have to deal with it all.
Most likely for years. Your uncle did have a retirement plan, to take advantage of his parents. It’s wrong but from the way you say he did it there is probably nothing you can do and your older family members probably also realize this.” Dilligent_Cadet
2. AITJ For Exposing My Sister's Exaggerated Reddit Posts About Our Family?
“I 17F found out that my sister 16F has been writing many posts on Reddit about our family and our family’s problems. My sister has written 5 AITJ posts with 2 accounts as well as multiple posts on other subs with very great detail about serious family issues.
She also adds fake details or greatly exaggerates issues to make me, my parents, or her teachers seem far worse than they were. For example, we got into a massive argument because she kept wearing my clothes. She wrote the post as she borrowed a shirt and jacket a few times and left out the part where she also wore my pants 3 times.
She made it seem like she only occasionally wears my stuff but she takes stuff without even asking or letting me know. If she just asked I’d be fine. Another instance is when she wrote a post that made my parents seem like massive jerks because they wouldn’t drive us to Red Lobster like they promised if she got a good grade on a test. She left out the fact that my parents did drive us to Red Lobster but unfortunately, it was closed and the next closest one was 1.5 hours away and my sister threw a tantrum since nobody else wanted to drive that far.
My parents even promised to take us to the one nearby once it reopened and asked her what restaurant she’d like to go to for that day.
I found out about the posts because she wrote an issue she had with my partner and wrote some nasty things like I’m jealous since “she’s the hotter sister”.
She has been flirting with my partner and my partner has turned her down, it makes him so uncomfortable he doesn’t even come to our house anymore and she wrote a nasty post but later deleted it which made it seem like I manipulated him into hating her.
My partner’s friend saw the post and shared it with him who shared it with me, the details were too similar and she used our real first names and mentioned the state we lived in the posts and the city in another post on an unrelated sub.
Other people at the school found it and are talking about it as some of the posts had a few thousand upvotes.
I showed this to my parents and they were extremely angry. They made my sister delete all the posts and her entire Reddit account and took away her electronics.
My sister called me a massive mean person and said I betrayed her and I am the worst sister ever and our family is abusive and she will go “NC” (don’t know what that means) when she is 18. She’s a bit overly dramatic.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your parents deserve to know what’s circulating in your social circles and your school. It would be different if people didn’t greatly suspect it was your family. It seems very likely people knew because she told them. If she wanted anonymity she would have gone to greater lengths to hide identities.
Play stupid games and win stupid prizes. Honestly, don’t post on here either, it’ll keep you away from more drama.” Randik8
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You’re understandably angry, I would be too. Your sister is also acting like she is angry and wants people to know she’s angry.
She could just be a jealous little mean person but do you think maybe something is going on socially or emotionally that’s causing her to lash out in such a public way?” SnooHesitations9269
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Posting things with easily identified information that are slanderous/malicious will get her in extremely hot water later on in life.
You’re teaching her a life lesson. Anyone who says everyone’s a jerk or YTJ is someone who does this kind of thing to others and doesn’t understand the severity of what she’s doing. Remarks like this can be life-altering for the older sister, painting her out to be abusive and controlling.” User
1. AITJ For Confronting My Brother And His Wife About Their Neglect Of Their Stepson?
“My older brother has a lot of stepkids.
His wife, Tori, has 2 kids from her first marriage, then a son: Liam (15) from a random encounter, and one more kid from a long-term relationship. My brother has a daughter as well. From what he tells me, Liam is the only one without an active dad and the only one who lives with them full time as my biological niece primarily lives with her mom.
I assumed Liam living with them full-time meant he would get quite a bit of attention but my niece told me that they all seemed to forget about him. She has told me that her stepmom once said that Liam is the “extra” and not as “cute” as her other kids.
It was a joke…
Anyway, Tori invited the whole family over for dinner. At one point they told us all to gather around and Tori told us she was pregnant. Everyone started cheering, I’ll admit, I was too.
But my niece drew my attention to Liam who started crying and walked off.
Niece and I followed him and when I asked him if everything was okay he started crying in my arms. I felt so terrible. My niece then took him out for ice cream to cheer him up while I went back to the others.
They were all very preoccupied and my brother started talking to one of our nephews (NOT Tori’s kids).
This nephew then tells us that while he did not make a team, Liam did. My brother was quite surprised because he’s a huge fan of this sport and had no clue Liam was interested as he always thought he was a quieter, nerdy kid.
This nephew sorta laughed and said Liam is not a quiet nerdy kid, the opposite. He’s very popular at school.
After finishing his conversation with the nephew, he approached me and said “Maybe nephew’s confused, Liam’s not that type of kid.”
I asked him what kind of kid he thinks Liam is.
My brother said that he doesn’t talk to Liam much but according to Tori, he’s “socially awkward,” “sensitive,” and “a little needy.” Tori overheard and was like “Liam? Is he bothering you? Next time he tries to talk to you run or else he’ll never leave you alone… he is needy.”
I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. Especially after how much Liam cried earlier. I told Tori and my brother that they should be ashamed of themselves. I then specifically told Tori that she should’ve kept her legs closed if she didn’t want “needy” children.
My brother kicked me out which I deserved. But Tori is furious and keeps sending me messages about how rude I am and how I don’t know anything about her etc. I even got yelled at by my mom. I sincerely believe they’re all messed up in the head.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Your niece is a gem for noticing &telling you about Liam’s treatment. You need to sit down with your brother & SIL (maybe with your niece there) and tell them what happened at the party. Or at least talk to your brother.
I can’t believe he is so blind & doesn’t see what happens to Liam in his own house. Can you spend more time with Liam? Poor kid. NTJ” Correct-Jump8273
Another User Comments:
“NTJ It sounds like Tori is punishing her son because she doesn’t like that he wasn’t conceived in a more stable relationship.
She quite literally meant it when she called him the extra. If possible, stay in contact with Liam. He needs an adult who cares about him.” buttercupgrump
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here (or at least, the adults). Your brother and SIL for treating Liam poorly.
But your comment was out of line. It had nothing to do with how they’re treating him now, it was only about how he was conceived. Slut-shaming your SIL isn’t the solution. And it closed the door on any potential you had for talking to them and getting them to change how they behave towards Liam.” slietlyinappropriate
Metaspoon Slow or Crashing?
If Metaspoon is causing your browser to crash or run slowly, please try viewing the article in Lite Mode and it should run more smoothly!