People Expect Favorable Responses To Their "Am I The Jerk?" Stories
36. AITJ For Telling My Friend Not To Let Her Husband Impregnate Another Woman?
“I (f 33) have known my best friend, Pam (f 34), for well over 13 years. She has infertility problems and has exhausted many options to get pregnant.
Years of frustration have worn her down and made her depressed, her husband, Kevin, wants kids and is still pushing her to try more routes.
Pam came over to vent about her current situation. She told me and the other friends that Kevin’s been pushing her to agree to have a baby using the ‘traditional way’, and has been convincing her to let him try to impregnate another woman under the guise of using ‘surrogacy’.
Not just any woman but a close friend of his whose name’s Lauren. The thing is there was tension between Pam & Lauren because of Kevin in the past. Lauren attempted to get with him but he chose Pam.
My friends and I were shocked after Pam said she was considering it, otherwise, her marriage will end.
And those were Kevin’s words. I kept saying ‘Oh my god’ and after letting her pour her out to us and cry. I told her not to listen to Kevin because this a bad idea, very very bad idea looking at the moral and legal aspects of it. Especially when Lauren is the potential ‘surrogate’.
Pam said that Kevin told her he loved her after she expressed her concerns so she felt like she had to say yes since he promised her to move states away once the baby was born. I told her this isn’t ok and she shouldn’t listen to him cause clearly, he’s being pushy and manipulative for his own nefarious gain.
Not only that but the fact he even suggested this is enough. I also pointed out some other ways to use surrogacy in a moral, legal way. She finally agreed and said she won’t be taking any of Kevin’s crap. She got emotionally charged and went home.
Apparently, she had a fight with Kevin and left home.
He came over the next yelling at me calling me a nosy, insufferable witch, and telling me to stay away from his marriage. My partner got involved asking what the issue was and Kevin told him I got in Pam’s ear and tried in an attempt to break their marriage. My partner turned to me and said I had no right to get in between them, but I said Pam’s my best friend, more like a sister and I was trying to help her out.
Kevin threatened to call the cops if he ever saw me again and banned me from their house.
I have been feeling unwell since then, though I had Pam’s best interest at heart. I get she’s desperate to be a mom. But to me, it felt like Kevin is taking advantage of that.”
35. AITJ For Telling My Significant Other She Can Go To Her Boss' Wedding On Her Own?
“My significant other (23 f) and I (24 m) have been together for over 2 years. While I’m finishing my last year of my degree she started as a p*************t at the start of the month.
She joined a group of practitioners in another village which is 2 hours away from where I study so obviously we don’t see each other as much as we used to.
Therefore I have promised to keep as many weekends free for her as possible, giving up time with my own family and friends. I don’t mind this because I love her and enjoy spending time with her.
Recently her new boss is getting married and invited my SO over to the wedding and said that I could come too.
Since the wedding falls on a Saturday my SO thought I would be coming so she RSVP’d. I am kind of annoyed because I really don’t feel like going to a wedding when I literally don’t know a soul and she would know 3 people tops. When I told her (this was like 3 weeks ago) she got mad and said that I already was breaking my promise to her.
I feel like I did not break any promise, I still kept the weekend free for her, like I told her. She is not obligated to attend the wedding and certainly can’t force me to go. I told her she can go if she wants to but that she will be okay without me. If she wants to spend time together she will not go.
She still calls me a jerk over this, is still mad at me, and brings it up anytime she can which drives me nuts. My mom also tells me I’m in the wrong but my friends think I should stand my ground.”
34. AITJ For Wanting To Wear A Dress In A Different Shade?
“I’m a 25-year-old black woman and my brother who is 30 is getting married in February of 2023, my future SIL has asked me to be one of her Bridesmaids and I said yes flattered she’d ask. We were recently trying on dresses to get an idea of what the Bridesmaids would be wearing and she fell in love with a fairly cute dress in Aubergine.
The issue here is I’m the only bridesmaid who isn’t white, and what suits their skin tone doesn’t suit me at all, They all looked stunning in this dress, me not so much. I’m not saying black women can’t wear aubergine either, it looks amazing on some people I’m just sadly not one of them.
I saw the same dress came in some lighter colors so I asked if we could try on a lighter shade of purple and this one was far better on me. It was only a few shades lighter but made a huge difference. I asked if we could go for this instead but the bride said that color would wash out the other bridesmaids a little, I understood that so suggested they wear the other dress and I could wear this one but my future SIL wasn’t having this as she wanted us to match.
I didn’t push and resigned myself to looking f***y on the day as it’s her wedding, whatever right? but my brother called me that night asking me why I’d ask to change the shade of dress in the first place and how it had apparently upset my future SIL that I’d done that… now, I’d let it go and not push so I didn’t see what the big deal was but apparently when she got home she’d blown it out of proportion to him.
My brother seems to think I had no right to even imply I’d prefer a different shade of dress than what she picked out and even if I’d accepted her choice it was too little too late as I’d already upset her.
I’m honestly shocked by this, is it that wrong that I’d suggest that she let me wear a different shade of dress?”
33. AITJ For Fetching My Daughter From Her Sleepover With Grandma?
“My grandmother took my toddler for her very first sleepover. We have been open to the idea but we’re working on communication and boundaries as a family. I am in no contact with my dad for very good reasons I cannot list here. His condition to reconnect is to go to therapy and apologize.
He will not do this and does not respect me as a parent. He wasn’t in my life for the teen years because he was sent to prison. The formulated plan for tonight was to hang out with Grandma. That’s it.
I video-called around 8 pm to say goodnight to my daughter. My father answered. At first, I thought I got the number but then he smiled and started to hand the phone to my grandma.
There was an entire party going on. Lots of kids running around adults I don’t recognize. I hang up after seeing enough of what was going on and I go to pick her up. When I get there she is sitting on some random guy’s lap that I don’t know. I calmly take her and leave.
My grandmother was like ‘You’re overreacting! This wasn’t planned people just showed up I was about to call and tell you you didn’t give me the chance.’ I said ‘You couldn’t control people coming into your home? This isn’t your fault?’ She says ‘No!’ I said ‘You play the victim so well you should carry chalk’ and left. My toddler was dehydrated and still awake at 10 pm.
She clearly hasn’t eaten and scoffed down the food I gave her.
My entire family on this side was there and bombarded me with texts on what a jerk I am and that I am apparently insane for reacting the way I did. My mind fights itself right now. Am I the jerk? Did I overreact?
Edit to add – it was an hour and a half drive from my house – why I got her at 10 pm and not sooner.”
32. AITJ For Being Upset That A Colleague Has The Same Salary Rate As Me?
“I work in a service for people from deprived backgrounds with complex mental health needs. I’m in my late 30s and I’ve worked in this field for over 15 years.
I also have a master’s degree and several diplomas. Basically, I’ve worked extremely hard to get where I am.
A new position was created in my service which is specifically for someone with lived experience of the type of issues we work with. To be clear, I 100% support this and it’s an extremely valuable role.
The young man that was appointed is fantastic at his job. However, from the start, I’ve found it frustrating that someone with no qualifications or professional experience is on the same salary as me.
My colleague is EXTREMELY popular and well-regarded by staff, clients, partners, etc. and I knew people would immediately take his side.
The amount of praise and attention he gets seems a little disingenuous to me and I doubt people would be this effusive if he was a ‘regular’ member of staff. The fact that he’s young, attractive, and charming also presumably helps. I thought I’d managed to keep my thoughts to myself but unfortunately, I guess I made one too many pointed jokes and another colleague decided to interrogate me on my views about him/his position.
I was honest that I think he’s a likable person who works hard and is good at his job. However, I see his role as more of an ‘honorary’ position and I find it frustrating that he gets paid the same as I do when it took so much time, money, and effort for me to get to this point.
This has now apparently spread around the office and my colleagues are very unimpressed.
I still think I have a point. I think the amount of praise he gets borders on patronizing and I don’t see how they can justify paying him this salary when it’s his first ‘real job’ and he does not have the same responsibilities as me.
AITJ?”
31. AITJ For Confiscating My Son's Phone?
“I (41 f) am married to my husband (42 m) and we have two kids: our son (11 m) who we will call Zach, and daughter (9 f) who we will call Lizzie.
Lizzie LOVES the video game Minecraft and has played it nearly every day since we bought it for her on Xbox for her 8th birthday. She is a super artsy kid and loves to create extravagant buildings and structures in Minecraft, and she has shown me her amazing creations many times.
Two days ago, she was playing downstairs and Zach asked if he could play with her. Lizzie didn’t let him play even though we have two Xbox controllers, and Zach was very angry for not letting her play. I don’t know why Lizzie didn’t let him play, I was in the kitchen upstairs.
Yesterday, when my husband and I were still sleeping, Lizzie started screaming and crying downstairs. She always wakes up early to play. Her world with all of her creations is gone, and she told us between sobs that she can’t get it back, and she thinks that Zach deleted it last night.
When Zach woke up, I asked him if he deleted Lizzie’s world, and he started laughing and said that she should have let him play with her.
I was livid. Lizzie loves that game so much and her creations were beautiful, and now they’re gone forever, not to mention that she is devastated that the world she has spent over a year on is gone forever.
I took my son’s brand-new phone away (we had just bought it for him this month for his birthday).
My son is acting like this is the end of the world. He says he needs his phone because everybody else at school has one, and he needs to fit in. He is starting middle school this week and claims he doesn’t want to become a social outcast. I told him he can have his phone back in a month, and that not having a phone won’t make him an outcast, but he refuses and wants it now.
My husband thinks that taking away his phone is going too far and that Lizzie’s game being gone ‘isn’t that big of a deal,’ but by that logic, isn’t Zach’s phone being gone not that big of a deal either? I don’t know what to do, it’s been over 24 hours and Zach won’t talk to me, and Lizzie is still moody.
So, can I get some advice? AITJ?”
30. AITJ For Feeling Taken Advance Of By My Father?
“I (25 M) just began my career earning £100k salary. Living with my dad, brother, and disabled uncle.
I work 7 days a week roughly 70-80 hours to earn how much I do, I currently have no life but it’s a trade-off I’m happy with. My dad knows exactly how much I earn and seems to think it’s a free pass for me to not only financially support him but to take over almost any costs he has.
He’s certainly far from poor.. he owns 2 houses mortgage free and has a huge chunk saved up. His income is rent from one of his properties and a healthy allowance from the government as my uncle (his brother) who lives with us has mental disabilities and requires a full-time carer.
I’m expected to pay for:
– All the bills (electric and gas, water, full council tax)
– All takeaways/days out/meals out (even if I’m not eating or participating). Normal takeaway night works out to be around £30 – £40+ as I will pay for the full family. Takeaways we usually get at least twice a week. Recently got asked to hand over £500 because he wanted to take my sister for days out and I should contribute.
– Grocery bills (if I’m with my dad) I’m expected to pay for any shopping. He will often wait until I’m free from work to ‘go shopping together’.
– Anything my brother or sister may need or ask from my dad I am expected to cover the cost. For example, new trainers, new clothes, and new electronics I will be told to pay.
He has also asked that I give my brother a monthly allowance so he can go out with his friends and buy the things he needs. (Presumably to stop my brother from asking my dad for money every time he goes out).
– Any appliances my dad needs for the house. For example, new Hoover, dehumidifier, and TV I will be expected and told to cover these costs.
– 100% of all vehicle costs. Both our insurance, maintenance, petrol, etc. Granted he doesn’t use the car anywhere near as much as I do since I’m always using it for work. But will always expect me to pay for anything when he is using the car. For example days out with my siblings, he will drive over to my workplace and ask me to fuel up before they set off.
– Lastly, just any random costs that he suddenly faces he will find a way to offset those costs by asking me.
About his outgoings? Nothing besides the odd grocery shop when I’m not with him. Everything else I will be expected to pay for.
I’ve spoken to family and friends and the opinion is that I’m being financially taken advantage of.
This has been going on for a while but I didn’t take much notice until recently my family found out and gave me a telling off saying it has to stop or they will get involved. I really don’t know what to think so I’d like your opinion. I’m a very giving person but I don’t like feeling I’m being used as an ATM or a walking sack of cash to tend to his every need.”
29. AITJ For Not Being Aware Of My Partner's Diet Restriction?
“I (M 30) have been with my partner (F27) for about six months. Last weekend was her first time meeting my family. We were having a birthday celebration for my older brother at Japanese Steakhouse (the kind of place where you sort of communally order and they cook the food at your table).
Everyone in my family ordered some kind of meat dish. My partner decided to split my noodles and veggies with me (portions are large at this restaurant). While the food was being prepared, my mom and brother asked my partner why she didn’t order any meat entrees, and asked if she wanted to try theirs.
She told them that she doesn’t eat meat, but thank you for the offer.
My mom and brother then turned to me and asked why I didn’t tell them my partner was vegetarian, and said that they would have picked a more vegetarian-friendly place if they knew. My partner interjected and said it was no big deal, that she loves the atmosphere of this place and has plenty to eat.
My mom didn’t let it go though and asked me why I never mentioned it.
I was honest with her and told her I didn’t realize up until now that my partner is vegetarian. By this point, the rest of the table had taken notice. My dad and brother’s wife both were shocked I didn’t know and told me I’m an oblivious jerk for not knowing and asked me how I couldn’t have noticed. I told them my partner never told me.
My partner jumped in again and said she doesn’t tell people unless it comes up like it just had in the current situation. My family still thought I was a jerk for never noticing she didn’t eat meat. My partner isn’t mad and doesn’t think I’m a jerk, but she did say the situation was a bit uncomfortable for her.
I told a coworker about this today and he thinks I’m a complete jerk.”
28. AITJ For Getting My Ex-Friend Banned From Tournaments?
“Last summer, I (20 M) became closer friends with ‘Sam’ (20 M) a year after we graduated from high school. I introduced him to eSports and we spent the summer going to various events in our area. Sam is very introverted with social anxiety and familial issues, and I think I was the first person he had a close friendship with.
The obsessive and abusive behavior quickly followed. Sam began to stalk me online and follow me around at social events. It felt like he was glued to my side, and I was growing increasingly uncomfortable with his behavior. It felt like I never had a moment to myself or time with my other friends.
During winter break he announced that he was transferring to my college because he hated his old major.
I was very concerned, and in the first week, after introducing him to the campus & my friends, I tried to set healthy boundaries. I told him exactly how I felt, and he agreed to give me some space. His creepy behavior resumed a week later. At this point, I decided to start cutting him off as he seemed incapable of respecting my boundaries.
When housing appointments came around, Sam begged and harassed me to room with him even after I said no and explained how his persistence was making me uncomfortable. I did everything I could to help him meet new people and find other roommates, but he said his social anxiety kept him from doing so. I also recommended therapy and contacted public safety when his mental health started rapidly declining.
I wanted him to be healthy and safe, but I didn’t want anything to do with him anymore.
When his mental health hit an all-time low, I called public safety, informed his parents of the situation, and got a no-contact order with our school. My mental health was also declining and I couldn’t be responsible for his well-being anymore.
I only did this after I knew he was getting the help he needed. After a month of therapy, I was feeling better and began attending tournaments again. Sam, despite his mental instability, also attended, and he began to do things to make me uncomfortable without violating my NCO. He would eavesdrop on my conversations, try to commentate my matches, park his car next to mine and follow me out of the venue.
He told my friends that he knew what he was doing was wrong, but couldn’t stop. It felt like there was nothing I could do to get him away from me, and legal action would be difficult and painful. I have since contacted my region’s event organizers to get him banned from every tournament I attended.
Throughout this whole situation, I was going to our shared friends for help and advice so that I could navigate everything the best I could. At first, they planned to stay friends with Sam and me separately, but they have since cut contact with him due to his behavior. Sam’s only remaining social hobby is the tournaments, which I am now taking away from him.
He has contacted our friends many times saying I’ve ruined his life, and my parents say I should cut him some slack. I refused. AITJ?”
27. AITJ For Telling My Mom I Don't Care Whose Feelings Get Hurt And Neither Should She?
“My sister (27) is in my opinion useless. She’s too afraid to learn to drive, she got a degree in something she’s too afraid to leave home for, and she ‘helps’ my mom by mopping and sweeping every day but other than that spends her time on her computer.
My mom takes care of my grandma.
We had a lot of family trauma and she’s basically been living on and off with her for the last 10 or so years. I don’t want to talk bad about her, I love her, but she is incredibly manipulative and guilts my mom constantly.
I’ve said before my mom is just so worn down by having basically no help at home and being a sole caregiver that she just does everything even though she’s exhausted and doesn’t want to or just says no.
My grandma is in a nursing home facility for a few weeks after a fall. My mom doesn’t have to go there every day to help her, and she doesn’t have to spend all day just sitting there visiting even though she’s asleep half of the time, but she will because my grandma will constantly call her and say things to make her feel bad about not being there (I guess you’ll just leave me to die alone, I’ll be here forever and never see my grandkids again, etc)
I am seriously just wanting to tell my mom to tell everyone no. No, I won’t come see you today, no I won’t go to the grocery store for you and cook you dinner, no! She says CONSTANTLY that she misses my daughter and wants to visit, but can’t because it would hurt everyone’s feelings if she came alone, and at this point, I want to tell her I don’t care who’s feelings get hurt and neither should you.
She’s missing so much because everyone makes her feel so bad if she’s here alone.
I feel like a jerk thinking that because I know she would feel guilty leaving everyone, but I’m worried she’s going to be so burned out that she’ll never have time for her granddaughter and they won’t have a special relationship, which on my part seems selfish.”
26. AITJ For Stopping Calling My Stepdad "Dad"?
“My (19 f) dad died when I was 6 and my mom remarried when I was 7. When she remarried she told me I needed to call my stepdad ‘dad’ now and that it would be rude and mean not to.
I told her I didn’t want to call someone else dad and her response was he was going to be taking over for dad and he deserved all the love and respect that comes with the title of dad. I ended up giving in because I didn’t want to be bad but I hated it.
He loved it and so did my mom. He called me his daughter and loved having a kid of his own that he couldn’t have otherwise.
I always hated calling him dad and it’s only now that I’m out of the house and adjusted to an adult life with independence that I realized I no longer want to put their feelings above mine.
Calling him dad has never felt right and I never did grow to feel very close to him and I think a lot of it is because I struggled so much with calling him dad when I didn’t want to and fearing a backlash if I didn’t.
So now, where people used to think he was my dad, and I would only mention him, I talk about my dad and I tell people he’s my stepdad.
I have even corrected the lie (at least for me it was a lie) with people who knew me after my mom, stepdad and I moved. Nobody in the community I spent most of my childhood knew he was my stepdad and I never corrected it out of fear.
My stepdad realized I was no longer calling him my dad and he was hurt.
He said even if it started through some guilt and pressure from my mom, he’d like to think he’d been a good enough dad to have earned my love and respect and to have earned the title of dad. I told him it never happened to me and it always felt wrong, and I hated how my dad became forgotten.
I told him I didn’t blame him but I didn’t feel the way he wanted me to feel about him. He’s so sad and my mom told me I should have never opened my mouth about it, that after all these years I have embarrassed him and made a big deal out of nothing. She said I was the most selfish person she had ever met.
AITJ?”
25. AITJ For Not Giving My Twin Bed To My Sister?
“I (26 female) and my sister Megan (36 female) have been in an argument for the past day because I refused to give her my twin bed set for her 4-year-old daughter. In the master’s bedroom of my house, I have a bed for myself and a nice, tall twin bed set I used as a dog bed for my three German Shepherds.
The bed is super cute and equipped with everything from dinosaur bedsheets to large plushy pillows in the shape of bones and T-Rexs.
Since the first day my sister found out she was pregnant she has been demanding handouts from everyone in the family. My sister was not nor is currently financially stable or able to support having a child, instead of getting a job she mostly guilt trips my mother and stepfather into paying for everything she and the child needs.
My sister recently moved back into town and was unable to bring most of her things from her previous house due to her having to leave in a hurry.
Two days ago my sister came and visited me at my house for the first time since I bought the place over two years ago. My sister was expecting me to live and I quote ‘in a crap shack’ but was quite surprised to find out I live in a quiet comfortable home filled with nice things I take care of.
When my sister saw the master bedroom she noticed the second bed I use for the dog and commented on how stupid it was that I spent my money on a separate bed just for my dogs.
Walking through my house my sister treated it like a shopping trip and constantly pointed out things I should give her for her new apartment that my mother and stepfather are paying for.
But she seemed to be most fixated on the bed I use for my dogs, she constantly pointed out how her daughter could really use a bed since she would be having to share with my sister until they can afford a separate bed for my niece. The entire time I stonewall my sister and refused to give her any of the items in my house, eventually my sister left disappointed and quite fussy.
The next day I woke up to messages from my mother, stepfather, sister-friends, and even her baby daddy all saying that I am cruel and that it is unfair for me to not give my sister the twin especially if it’s not even being used. My stepfather is trying to play peacekeeper and has offered to pay me in secret for me to give my sister the bed as a ‘housewarming present’.
I am not interested in giving my sister the bed nor any of the other items in my house as a housewarming present or otherwise, AITJ? AITJ for not giving my sister my ‘unused’ twin bed set for her daughter?”
24. AITJ For Not Wanting To Get Involved In My Mom And Mother-In-Law's Beach Trip Fight?
“My parents own a home that gives them access to a private beach. MIL’s partner also owns a home in that neighborhood, so he can also use the beach. MIL and her partner are pretty serious, and she probably sleeps over 4-5 nights a week and plans on moving in soon, but she still owns a home, so she is not considered a resident in their neighborhood.
MIL can go to the beach with him, but technically shouldn’t be there alone. A few weeks ago, MIL was supposed to go to the beach with her partner and her friend, but he had to go to work for some crisis, so MIL and the friend went. My mom noticed this and reported them to the lifeguard.
The lifeguard didn’t want to get involved, because people tend to kiss MIL’s partner’s butt, but my mom insisted. I think this was really petty. MIL wasn’t doing anything, but rules are rules.
MIL threw a fit when she was getting kicked out. She yelled at the lifeguard that he is going to regret this.
She body-shamed my mom, accused my dad of having an affair and claimed she has proof, and was all like do you know who I am? I thought it was ridiculous and my mom asked me to talk to her, which I refused. MIL then texted me about how my mom is racist, because she said MIL’s hair was a mess and told her to go fix it (MIL is not black and I really don’t know where she was going there).
This has escalated into craziness. MIL’s partner woke my parents up at 6 am banging on their door demanding golf clubs back that he loaned my dad months ago and screaming at them in the driveway. My mom claims MIL came back to the beach and was fooling around in the water, though she has no evidence and can’t prove more than they were standing near each other, but she posted on social media and called MIL depraved. MIL sent the screenshots to me and told me I better talk to her, or MIL is going to tell my husband’s grandparents that we bully her.
The final straw was my mom called me and bothered me at work, to tell me that MIL’s partner accidentally on purpose kicked sand at her, and she wants him uninvited from the wedding. I got a call about the same thing from MIL screaming at me about how if I uninvite him (which I never even threatened to) that she wouldn’t pay for the wedding.
I sent them both the same text saying that I do not want to be involved and that this is stupid. I don’t even want to hear about this beach anymore. I said I don’t care either way and if they keep bringing it up there will be consequences, such as being uninvited to wedding-related things and then eventually being put into time out.
My mom cried and said I don’t care about her. MIL called her parents and told them that we bully her, and now everyone is mad at me. MIL is also saying she is done with us because we are toxic and she doesn’t have relationships with people who talk about consequences for an adult.”
23. AITJ For Being Mad Over Kebabs?
“I (F 20) recently met some new people through a class group chat at college. The group admin, Sydney, thought it would be nice for all of us to get to know one another better and become friends since we’ll be in the class for a while.
I have been pretty active on the group chat and helped a lot of my peers (including Nathan) to navigate through stuff.
Sydney texted us in the gc that she is throwing a little picnic in our campus area and all of us are welcome to join to get acquainted. There was gonna be food, karaoke, games, etc. I helped her a lot to set up the picnic and offered to bring some food as well.
On the day of the picnic, I brought some homemade kebabs and they were delicious. People were loving it so far. One couple joined us a while later and some of the people were urging the guy, Nathan, (their friend) to try the kebabs. Before Nathan could respond, his significant other Renya said ‘Ew that’s meat he is vegetarian come on guys!’
I told her ‘No problem I brought some vegetarian-friendly ones using mushrooms so y’all can try that.’ Then she replied mockingly ‘Oh really? You don’t know what ingredients they used to make it so stop trying to be a free brand ambassador for these for some cheap restaurant.’ I think she was referring to a quite popular local Middle Eastern kebab shop that is like right next to the campus.
I was visibly mad so I said ‘I don’t know what restaurant you think I’m bootlicking for but last time I checked I cooked all of these so yea I think I know what ingredients I used unless I have short-term memory loss. Or do you want to check my medical records too along with the ingredients?’
Nathan grabbed her and left before it could go any further. This evening she mentioned me in the group chat and said ‘You owe me a big apology for what you did and that pls should stop trying to woo my SO every now and then. It’s honestly embarrassing.’ I just replied ‘???’ ‘What should I apologize for and what SO?’ Some people in the group chat asked her to stop picking on me, while others agreed both of us should have been nicer.
But my point is I WAS being nice to her before she started attacking me for no reason. So AITJ?”
22. AITJ For Telling My Partner To Tell His Friends To Screw Themselves?
“I (23 F) and my partner Kevin (25 M) moved in together a few months ago.
Sometimes Kevin likes to have his friends over on the weekend to watch sports and have a watch party thing. My younger brothers Erick (17 M) and Nigel (15 M) were planning to come over yesterday anyways so Kevin invited them to join since both of them love sports.
As a surprise, Nigel brought his new SO, Cody (16 M), to meet me.
I decided to hang out in the bedroom and watch Netflix as I’m not a sports person. I fell asleep at some point and I woke up to Erick shaking me awake telling me that he and Nigel were leaving with Cody. I got up confused because I thought my brothers were spending the night.
I asked Erick what was wrong and he told me that Nigel was upset because Kevin had pulled him and Cody aside and told them to ‘tone down the gay’.
I got up fuming and stormed into the living room asking what was going on as Cody and Nigel were hanging out in the kitchen.
Kevin jump trying to get me to calm down and he tried to pull me to the side and explain that Cody and Nigel were all cuddled up on each other and it made a few of his friends uncomfortable so he asked them to chill until people left. I got even more annoyed because Kevin has never acted this way about Nigel being gay before and I could tell Nigel was really hurt by that comment.
I told Kevin to tell his friends to go screw themselves and if he cared so much about what they thought that he could sleep in his car tonight and on the couch for the rest of the week.
Everyone left after that and my brothers ended up staying the night and Kevin slept in his car.
After my brothers left this morning Kevin tells me I went overboard last night and completely embarrassed him yelling at him like that in front of people. AITJ here?”
21. AITJ For Not Showing Gratitude To My Friend Who Helped Me Get A Job?
“I (30 f) do not need to work as my husband is successful in his career. More or less I work for play money and to keep myself from dreadful boredom.
My previous job was draining. Management was disorganized. High turnover. It was a mess.
I went to my friend (23 f) of several years who works at a cafe.
For the sake of things, we’ll call her Miranda. She expressed in the past that it was flexible and her coworkers were down to earth. I asked her if they were hiring. She said they were, but she’d like to discuss with her manager if us working together would be alright. I didn’t want Miranda to be the reason I got the job, so I jumped the gun and applied before she talked with the manager and didn’t mention our friendship until after being hired (I realized how bad this sounds and completely accept I’m the jerk in that situation.
it’s not the situation I’m seeking judgment for).
The job was… not what I expected. Miranda said her manager was flexible but I quickly got in trouble for asking off too many weekends. In my interview, I said I’d take as many hours as I could have. I changed my mind after realizing how demanding the job was and asked for my hours to be reduced. Miranda expressed management was getting frustrated with me – I wasn’t putting in enough effort, I appeared cranky, and I represented myself differently in the interview.
I told Miranda both she and her boss represented the job differently, not myself.
Miranda left after that and ignored most of my messages. After a month I finally met with her to see what was up. She told me I never showed any gratitude for helping me get the job and my entitled attitude completely ruined how coworkers perceived her.
In Miranda’s words, I was selfish to both her and the company and had a poor attitude. To my surprise, my husband did not come out and agree with her, but he said I did seem eager to work there at the beginning compared to now. AITJ?”
20. WIBTJ If I Put A Lock On My Bedroom To Keep My Roommate's Partner Out?
“I (20 F) am roommates with my brother Cole (26) and his partner Grace (26). Cole and I split the rent and Grace lives here rent-free and job-free if that’s relevant. Due to past trauma, I am very uncomfortable with people being in my room, especially without my permission.
Over the last few years, I’ve been trying to work on this and have gotten to the point where I am more comfortable with people coming into my room.
All I ask is that they have my permission. Both Cole and Grace know this about me.
Cole has no problem with knocking and has tried to convince Grace to do so as well, but Grace is always trying to push this boundary. Grace constantly just walks in or goes into my room to borrow my hair supplies or nail polish while I’m not there.
If she really needed something from my room while I’m out she could just text or call to ask me if she can go in there.
Whenever I have a friend over in my room or Cole to hang out, she deems that since someone else is in there with me she is allowed in too, and just opens the door to come in.
Whenever she does this she doesn’t even hang out with us or my friends, just sits near and browses her phone.
I have asked her several times to please just ask or knock before she goes into my room and reminded her of my reasons, but she constantly ignores me.
Yesterday, I went shopping with Cole and when we came back home Grace was smiling and giggling a lot.
Cole asked her what she’s been up to and she said that she’s just been chilling around before giggling some more.
When I went to my room I saw that some of my figurines had been moved around the room. One was even on top of a painting above my desk that she definitely would have had to climb on to put up there.
I know this because I had to climb on top of my desk to reach it.
I went back into the living room and Grace asked if I liked her prank. I told her that I did not and really don’t appreciate that she keeps going into my room without my permission and that I will be getting a lock for my door.
She told me I was overreacting to having a few figurines moved around and that it was harmless. I told her it isn’t about the figurines, it was about going into my room without my permission and I am not comfortable with her being in my room anymore. She just rolled her eyes and said ‘Whatever.’
Currently, Grace won’t talk to me and Cole said he thinks it is reasonable for me to get a lock on my door but he might be biased. I’ve told my friends about it and some agree with me but a few think I should let it go and not unnecessarily escalate everything by buying a lock.
AITJ?”
19. AITJ For Telling My Partner's Mom About His Surgery?
“My partner asked me to accompany him on a surgery he was supposed to have a few days ago. According to him, the surgery was something extremely simple ‘that should take half an hour at the most’.
Because it involved something private, he requested that I wouldn’t share details about the surgery with anyone, including his family. I found this a bit extreme since he has a good relationship with his mom but it’s his right to ask for privacy so I obliged.
Then the day of surgery comes, he goes to the operating room and a few hours go by.
I spent practically the entire morning and afternoon waiting without updates until I decided to ask the receptionist. The first thing she does is scoff a little and say that the surgery was not trivial and that I should prepare to stay there for at least another 5 hours.
At that time I was already super anxious and worried about his well-being and also because his car was in the hospital’s paid and super expensive parking lot – since we thought it was going to be something simple, we didn’t mind parking on the street.
So I decided to call his mother, who lives very close to the hospital, asking her to come get the car since I don’t have a driver’s license. It’s really important to say that at that moment, I thought she knew about the surgery but not what it would be exactly. Well, she didn’t know.
She started screaming on the phone thinking that an accident had happened and after calming her down, I explained that he thought it would be a simple procedure and didn’t want to worry anyone (even if this is not the real reason but I didn’t want to cause any more drama).
In short, he left a whole seven hours later, a little stressed but okay overall.
He asks me if it took too long and I said that the delay was not a problem but I had to let his family know. He immediately changed his mood and raised his voice asking why I had betrayed his trust and that it wasn’t my right to tell them.
I was so stunned I just grabbed my bag and left, telling him to grab an Uber to his mother’s house.
What hurt me the most was that he immediately came to the conclusion that I must have told them to throw him under the bus, not even giving me time to explain why I did it in the first place. My mom and his mom think he’s being unreasonable, but even after talking, he’s still very upset about it all and I’m feeling really bad.
So, am I the jerk?”
18. AITJ For Criticizing My Sister's Parenting?
“I (15 f) have a half-sister (23 f) Chloe. Chloe hasn’t been a part of my life until 4 years ago.
I was aware of her existence, but we were never close. 3 years ago she moved into my parents’ house with my niece, Sophia. I got along with Chloe but lately, I hate her. This all started off because I would babysit Sophia while Chloe would work. I would babysit her Monday-Saturday, and I would be doing my work at the same time because I do school online.
Sophia goes to school for 3 hours so I have my mornings to myself. I had a pretty tight schedule, I would do my work from 8-11 and I would babysit Sophia from 12-6 sometimes 7. I never had a problem babysitting Sophia for a longer time, but it would bother me when Chloe wouldn’t tell me ahead of time.
It got to a point where Chloe wouldn’t even tell me, she would just leave her with me.
This happened on Sunday. Chloe was in my room all day with my other sister. I don’t know what she was doing but she left Sophia with me. I was just in the living room on my phone with Sophia.
During this time Chloe started potty training Sophia. I don’t know why she did that if she wasn’t going to be around when Sophia needed to go to the bathroom. So Sophia had pull-ups on and told me that she needed to go to the bathroom, and I told her ‘Wait a little bit, so your mom can take you’.
At that exact moment she pooped in front of me AND she took off her pull-ups. It was kinda funny but at the moment I was mad. I picked her up, took her to the bathroom, and cleaned her up. Then I told her to throw her pull-up in the trash, she ended up throwing it in the toilet.
I lost it after that, I didn’t yell at Sophia but I told her that it goes in the trash, not the toilet. A few hours after babysitting Sophia, she falls asleep. I then talked to my mom about Chloe and how she left her with me. My mom just listened to me and said that I’d get used to it.
That got me mad because both my mom and I had to be babysitting Sophia while Chloe does whatever she wants.
After that conversation, I walk to my room (my room is outside my house, it’s not inside). I slammed the door open and started yelling at Chloe. Our conversation went something like this.
Me: ‘What’s Sophia doing right now?’
Chloe: ‘What’d she do this time?’
Me: ‘No, I’m asking you a question, what’s Sophia doing right now?’
Chloe: ‘I don’t know’
Me: ‘Exactly, you don’t know because you never take care of her. It’s always me or my mom, you always put Sophia aside.
You’re always doing whatever you wanna do and never take care of your daughter, you don’t even know some of her favorite things or the things she watches, etc’.
I said other things too but I don’t remember, but she left crying. The next day she quit her job to take care of Sophia.
She didn’t let me babysit her after that and I haven’t been near Sophia since. My parents both think I should apologize but I don’t know if I should. AITJ?”
17. AITJ For Wanting Time To Myself?
“I (26 F) am nearly 38 weeks pregnant and nearly everything is irritating me at this point.
On Friday afternoon my husband (29 M) came home from a bad day at work and was having a very negative attitude.
As soon as he walked through the door he was complaining about how messy the house was. Not only am I verily pregnant and unable to do much at this point, but I’m also watching our 2-year-old daughter during the day that has been getting into everything.
So yes the house was messy and the dishes weren’t done I’ll admit to that.
Then he was complaining that I didn’t have dinner ready for him and that I wasn’t making dinner that night. I usually cook 90% of the time but that day I was just so tired and done with everything so I suggested we go out.
I tried to explain how it’s difficult for me to do stuff now, how I’m tired, how our daughter was bouncing off the walls that day and he wouldn’t listen to any of it.
Then he compared me to his friend’s wife by saying ‘You know, John’s wife is pregnant too and does x, y, and z and she even gets dressed and puts makeup on every day’.
Well, that’s when I absolutely lost it. I told him to get out, and not come back until the end of the weekend. That I’d had enough and wanted time to myself.
He packed a bag and went to his brother’s house, and sent me paragraphs of texts before I finally decided to block his number.
I used the weekend to take my time to clean up and then just spend the rest of the time playing with my daughter.
Not only did he tell his brother about my little freakout, but he told his mother and now she’s been texting me nonstop about how I’m being a bad wife.
It’s like he’s turned everyone against me overnight.
So, AITJ for kicking him out for the weekend?
Edit: My husband and I both work office jobs full time, but my job allows me to work from home so I am not a full-time stay-at-home mom.”
16. WIBTJ If I Take My Kids To A Fancy Restaurant?
“I (38 M) and my wife (40 F) have basically agreed not to introduce certain things (such as religion) to our kids (12 M and 8 F) basically agreeing to let them discover things on their own and not having an influence one way or the other.
When my son was 9, I took him to the race track (just like my dad and my grandfather did). And he had a great time watching the horses run! At one point, I asked him which horse he likes and I placed a bet for him… he won! He won! It was only $9 but man was he happy.
When we got home, he went straight to his mom and said ‘Mommy, look I won at the horses!’ Oh she was mad and told me to NOT introduce gambling at such a young age to him. I told him I didn’t see a problem with it, but she said ‘He will find out it he likes gambling when he’s older.
Not now! Again, let him discover things his own way and not by us influencing him!’ So that was the last time I took him to the track.
A few months ago, we were watching H****s Kitchen and he got really interested in seeing the head chef yelling ad the other chefs cooking the amazing-looking food.
The commentator kept saying ‘H****s Kitchen restaurant.’ My son asked me if there really is a H****s Kitchen restaurant we can go to. I said there is, but (obviously lying to him) not sure where they are.
Last week, my wife and I made plans to go to Las Vegas in May and we let the kids know.
My son got really excited and said ‘There’s a H****s Kitchen in Las Vegas! Can we please go to it?’ Before I can answer sure, my wife said ‘No! You are not ready for that kind of food!’ However, my son responded ‘But we ate at the Eiffel Tower last time.’ Again my wife said no.
When I asked her why not, her answer was ‘I don’t like that guy, and why go when none of us like his food.’ Admittedly, I said I wanted to go there too. So I said ‘I’ll take him and our daughter too if she wants to go.’ My wife argued but I threw back that ‘You said let them discover and find things out on their own, well, he’s done just that.’ My wife argued that that wasn’t the point.
It was supposed to be about religion and other life lessons. I made the reservations for 4 in May and my wife said if we go, she won’t forgive me for going against her wishes. WIBTJ if took my son (and maybe daughter) to eat there?
Edit 1: I forgot to mention, she didn’t have a problem with me taking the kids to the Greyhound races when we lived in England where again my son placed a bet here and there.
And she didn’t have a problem when we went to the Greyhound races in Mexico where he didn’t bet. Her reason: ‘Those are fun.’
Edit 2: it’s not about the money either. She can drop $1K on shoes no problem.”
15. AITJ For Telling My Daughter To Stop Pretending To Have Tourette Syndrome?
“I have three daughters, ‘Catherine’ (21), ‘Alexa’ (17) & ‘Mia’ (14).
Catherine and Alexa are very sweet and we rarely argue at all. My daughter Mia is also an incredibly sweet and precious girl yet I get into arguments with her frequently especially as she has attention-seeking tendencies.
Over the course of a few months, Mia has started to blurt out random words and aggressively move, (shoulder shrugging, head movements, etc).
She’s also been making weird noises, I never asked her and ignored it as I thought she was doing it because she was seeking attention.
A few days ago we were sitting at the dinner table and she kept making weird noises and moving and wouldn’t stop, it was incredibly disruptive. My husband got very worried and started asking her if everything was okay, trying to console her, I got mad and told him to leave it as she was probably just seeking attention.
My daughter busted out in tears and wouldn’t stop crying. My husband got up and took Mia with him to go outside.
When they came back she calmed down. I told her to stop making noises and to stop moving weirdly, she told me she couldn’t control it which I found ridiculous because she hasn’t done anything like this in her whole life.
She said she believes she may have developed tourettes and wanted to go to a doctor. I told her Tourettes don’t develop like that and she should’ve told me earlier. I also pointed out how it just magically disappears whenever she’s doing something she likes.
My husband is furious with me and so are my daughters, everyone in my house is giving me the silent treatment.
My husband said he would be taking Mia to the doctor but I’m not letting him. I told some of my friends and they all agree that my daughter is faking it. AITJ?”
14. AITJ For Being Grossed Out By My Friend's Unhygienic Behavior With Her Cats?
“I (16 F) and my best friend (also 16 F) have known each other since 3rd grade and we love each other to the core. We have been through thick and thin, and I just want the best for her.
About 2 years ago she convinced her parents to finally get a pet, and she didn’t get 1, but 2 kittens. I was a little bothered since I expressed my dislike for cats throughout the entire time we knew each other, but whatever. Anyway, we haven’t really been able to visit each other from 2020-2021 but when I finally visited her 3 days ago, I saw how she acts regarding her two cats:
1. Whenever she washes the cats’ bowls, she washes them in the kitchen sink, the same place where her family puts THEIR dishes.
2. She doesn’t give her cats baths, even though they are indoor-outdoor cats.
3. She lets the cats sit and sleep on the couches AND kitchen chairs.
4. She actually KISSES her cats.
The first things I noticed were 2 and 3, and I’ve expressed how they make me uncomfortable, and how it might make other guests uncomfortable in their house.
She shrugged it off, saying that she doesn’t give her cats baths because they bathe themselves, and she doesn’t see an issue with where the cats sit as long as it wasn’t on any tables where they eat. I cringed but I dropped it. Then later, I saw her kiss her cat, and I reasonably said ‘Gross!’, but she glared at me saying she didn’t know what the big deal was, she only kissed him on the forehead, not the lips; to which I said that is still very gross.
The only time I actually got angry was when I saw her wash her cats’ bowls in the kitchen sink when I look at her surprised and asked her if she knew what she was doing. She looked puzzled and said that she was washing her cats’ bowls, and I just said, no, no, you CANNOT do that, this is very much not okay.
The plate that I ate pizza on earlier literally came into contact with cat spit. She gave excuses, like how there weren’t any other dishes in the sink at the time, she never puts the cats’ bowls in the dishwasher itself, and she always cleans the sink thoroughly afterward, but I was not having this.
I told her that no matter what, this wasn’t okay at all, but she refused to listen to me, saying that if I didn’t like it, I could bring my own paper plates here to eat off of, and I’m like… why would I BUY paper plates just to not get sick with some disease her cats carried when she could easily just not do all this gross stuff?
Anyway, she went on this rant that all of this stuff was her business and that this shouldn’t concern it, and I told her that if I wake up tomorrow morning with some sickness, I will 100% know it came from her cats, and then I left.
Most of our friends are saying I’m the jerk, but now I don’t know anymore.
Am I the jerk?”
13. AITJ For Getting Our Manager Involved To My Fight With A Coworker?
“I (19 f) am a manager at a popular pizza franchise. I have a coworker, who I’ll call Kenny (26 f). She’s autistic, on the higher need end of things, but she’s still able to completely function, as most autistic people are.
I am also autistic, and when I started I was ‘warned’ about her and her unpredictable behavior. So on my very first day, I told her that if she ever needed to take a break or step away, she could come to me and I’d immediately take over for her and let her go, which I thought would be helpful to her since I want her to enjoy working with me.
However, she gets overwhelmed easily and will throw things at me and other managers and yell at us as well, in front of customers. We genuinely don’t know what sets her off, but we’ve given her multiple verbal warnings and it never seems to do anything. She’s incredibly manipulative and often lies to get out of trouble.
A few days ago, she got into a bad mood and was throwing bottles at us and swearing at us; all in front of customers, so she was asked to leave. She refused, so we had to threaten to call the cops if she didn’t. I told her that her behavior was inexcusable and she needed to stop, to which she called me a jerk, and says that her autism is an excuse.
I said it wasn’t. We eventually got her to leave, but not before she called me a ‘stupid jerk’ and said I’m the worst manager ever and I’m horrible at my job.
She then ended up going to our storage and ripping a bag of cornmeal, pouring it all over the floor, and throwing bundles of pizza boxes everywhere.
So we had to get our district manager involved, and after talking to her, he said that she said she wanted to change and that she would actually change this time.
The very next day (today) she’s ignoring all of us and being very rude and standoffish, so I told my DM that if she didn’t get some form of disciplinary action, I would either have to transfer to another store or quit.
he uses her autism as an excuse as well and told me that it’s not fair of me to judge her so harshly. So AITJ?”
12. AITJ For Not Wanting To Live With My Roommate's Significant Other?
“I’m approaching the end of my lease at my current place and in need of new roommates. I currently work a retail job and obviously can’t afford a place on my own just yet.
One of my coworkers is looking for a place too. We get along pretty well and have the same budget and same wants/needs. I’m a laid-back person, a single female and just need someone who isn’t noisy/obnoxious and clean.
We had been looking at a few places and there was one in particular that we both liked. The place won’t be ready for a bit which is fine because that’s when my lease ends.
I hadn’t signed anything yet because there were a few things we needed to work out first. She dropped a bomb on me yesterday and asked if it was ok if she moved her significant other in.
I was already kinda eh… about it anyway, but I asked if she’d pay rent. She said her SO is unemployed but looking and needs a place to stay because she can’t pay rent at her current place.
She’d pay her portion of the rent. The total rent for the place we liked is 1585. If we split it 3 ways, it’d be around $528.33 each. I asked if she was going to pay $1056 each month, and I’ll pay 528. She said no that would be unfair because she’s paying more than me, we’d each just pay half.
I said, ‘No deal. I’m sorry, not paying for your SO to live there for free’. She got upset and said, ‘ARE YOU DUMB? I SAID I’D PAY FOR BOTH OF US. If it’s 2 people on the lease we each pay half’. I said no YOU are dumb if you think I’m going to get suckered into an agreement like that.
Don’t worry about it, I’ll find somewhere else to live. She called me names and said I was unreliable and a jerk because she preemptively signed a lease. I don’t agree with paying half when the other person basically gets to live for free. ‘A man who doesn’t work, doesn’t eat’. Now she’s threatening to sue me because she said I backed out of an agreement and she already signed a lease.
Edit: The utilities are included in the rent, hence why utilities couldn’t be split. That’s why I said that we’d need to split the rent three ways.”
11. WIBTJ If I Cancel The Birthday Party My Wife Was Throwing For Me?
“Rose and I have been married for 7 years and we have a 4-year-old son. She had an accident last year and can no longer work, recovery is not easy. I’m struggling to pay all our bills on my own and still pay the medical bills, but I hardly ever talk about it with my wife because I don’t want her to feel guilty.
I don’t use a credit card, I just have one to leave with my wife while I’m at work and she hardly ever uses it, so I barely look at financial transactions. Just yesterday I noticed that there were credit card purchases made a week ago. It was an expensive watch, an expensive suit, renting a food truck, spending on decorations and confectionery… My birthday is in two days.
That was like a kick in the stomach.
I called my mom asking if Rose had said anything about having a surprise party. My mom said Rose wants to show her gratitude for everything I’ve done for her. I said I would refund the card purchases and my mom said my wife had already sent out the party invites.
I almost shouted into my cell phone that these expenses exceed my salary.
I got home and told Rose how broke we were, not talking about the party. She turned pale and barely spoke during the conversation. I waited for her to confess what she did, but she didn’t say a word. Before creating a throwaway account to post this, I texted a friend asking about the party and he said he would definitely be going, and he thought it was a surprise.
This means that despite having told Rosa about our financial condition, she did not cancel the invitations.
I couldn’t take it anymore and said I knew about the party and would cancel all invitations and ask for my money back. Rose told me that it was no longer possible to cancel most of the expenses without paying a fine, and promised me that she would give me my money back when I got back to work.
She’s begging me not to cancel, but I’d rather pay the fine than pretend I’m happy at a party I didn’t plan and that I’ll have to suffer to pay for.
Would I be the jerk if I cancel the birthday party?
EDIT: About my wife not knowing about our financial situation: we reduced our standard of living a lot, we sold our cars, I canceled plans to buy our own house, we moved to a cheaper rental…
medical debts. I just avoid arguing about it or venting. I leave my card at home for emergencies, the limit is a little above my monthly salary, but like I said, my wife and I barely use it.”
10. AITJ For Making My Cousin Look Back To Her Mom?
“I (20 F) have always had issues with my cousin (22 F) let’s call her Mary.
Mary is an only child, so my mom would leave me at her house to spend time with her so she would have sibling-like experiences. But the thing is that we didn’t get along really well.
Since my cousin was always spoiled, rude, and just a bully.
My aunt and I have a good relationship, since I was always with her, we were kinda closer. She has helped me economically many times and has always tried to give me advice, help, etc.
My aunt and cousin have a very rocky relationship due to my cousin’s greedy, spoiled attitude. And she well knows that at times Mary and I don’t get along, but she says she always connected it to a sibling-like rivalry or jealousy.
Last night I spent the night at my aunt’s house since her husband is out for work and she hates feeling lonely and Mary is out of town.
During my stay, I watched a movie with her and she really had fun since she says her daughter never does stuff like this with her, after that statement, we get into talking about Mary, and asks me why we don’t get along so well.
I explained to her that Mary was always a bully and made fun of my weight, she would criticize everything and would often take things from me. I told her an example that came to mind. A gymnastics sweatshirt that my mom got me. I only practiced the sport for 2 years since I had no money to continue, but Mary did.
When she saw it on me she asked to borrow it. Since saying no to her was never an option, I let her borrow it, but she never gave it back, instead, she gave me an old GAP hoodie and said that I don’t even do gymnastics and I shouldn’t have it (she was 15 at the time).
My aunt was horrified and I guess she called Mary last night or early today because Mary texted me saying that I’m a jerk for bringing it up and that I should be over all of it, that I gain nothing from making her look bad to her mom.
So AITJ for telling my aunt?
Maybe she didn’t need to know.”
9. AITJ For Refusing To Bake Cake And Cupcakes For Another Friend?
“I (45 f) used to be a baker/cake decorator. I used to do wedding cakes at a small family-owned bakery before the global baklava happened. I ended up having chemo and beat it but am not allowed to work or basically go many places until my immune system gets better.
My (40 f) best friend got married 2 weeks ago. She had ordered her cake and cupcakes at a bakery. 2 weeks before the wedding she called me sobbing, her SO took the phone and let me know that the bakery had shut down. They refunded the money but they had no cake. They called around, no one could do it on such short notice.
I called around, hoping that I could get someone to take it on, but no dice.
They came over (they are in my bubble, they and another friend would take me to chemo, come see me, and do my shopping). I told them I couldn’t find anyone, but that I would do it. My best friend sobbed, her SO said only if they paid for everything.
They said they didn’t care if it was box cake mix and canned frosting cuz they knew I would make it good. I agreed, made a list of what I would need and they happily went to shop. My old apprentice heard what happened. Came over after taking a rapid test in front of my nurse, got a neg, and helped.
They loved it. Everyone asked where they ended up going. They told them I did it. I was laid up for 4 days after due to fatigue, muscle aching, and cramping which no one knew about until a week ago when the other friend contacted me to do their cake.
Another friend called and asked me to do their cake.
I said no. Their wedding is a year away. I did this a favor, that they did so much for me that it was the least I could do. She blew up and called me a jerk, a witch, and a bad friend. Said she also deserved it since she took me to chemo twice (I gave her both times a full spa day).
Said I was rotten and that I was worthless, that to never contact her again.
When I told my close friend group, 5 of them said I was a massive jerk. 2 said I wasn’t. I got told since those 2 got the cake of course I’m not one to them. I’m so confused. I thought I wasn’t the jerk, but I must cuz everyone is saying I am.
So, AITJ?”
8. AITJ For Dumping The Garbage Cans Out In My Neighbor's Parking Area?
“The city picks up our trash, but we have to buy the cans from them to get the trash service (a ‘set’ of cans… one recycling, one trash, is around 150 USD… all here will be USD). You can ‘inherit’ cans when you buy a home, and you can also get new cans for free when you buy a home if those at the home are missing or broken.
When I bought my home, the trash can was broken and I requested a new one… and the locality also dropped off a new recycling can because the request got mixed up in their system. So, I have one trash can in good repair, one trash can I can use in a pinch if a make a bunch of trash (it is broken but semi-usable), and two good recycling cans.
In a ‘big’ week, I might fill one trash can and one and a half recycling cans.
The locality also has strict regulations on what you put in your trash and recycling cans. For example, if one of their inspectors checked my trash can and found recyclable materials, I could be fined (I think it’s $75) for failing to properly recycle.
And vice-versa, but I think the fines for putting non-recyclable trash in the recycling can is even more (maybe $125, if I recall correctly). You can also be fined for stuffing the cans to the point the lid doesn’t close. The trash cans have serial numbers on them, and they fine the owner of the can, no matter who ‘used’ it.
Not long after I moved into my house, I received a fine for recyclables being in my trash (so a $75 fine for failing to properly recycle). They send a picture along with the fine, and it was boxes that had my neighbor’s address on them. At that point, I started going out to check my trash right before the collectors came.
On several occasions, I pulled their things out of my cans and tossed them into their parking area so I could avoid further fines, and told the neighbors to stop putting their stuff in my cans (in person and in writing).
This process has been repeating for the 4 YEARS I’ve now lived here, but came to a head recently.
I went out to check my trash cans before trash day and found that they had completely taken one trash and one recycling can and stuffed them completely full. I KNEW if the collectors came and saw the cans as they were, I’d get hundreds of dollars in fines. There were multiple problems. So, I dumped the cans out in their parking area and took the cans into my parking area.
A few days ago, the neighbors got a fine for loose trash in their pickup area. It’s probably a $500 fine. My only response to them slaaming on my door and doorbell at this point was to respond to their threat to call the police for vandalizing their property with ‘Please inform them about the theft you committed when you do.’
Edit: The trash area is too far away from the house for your standard wifi cameras to be a solution (Ring/Nest/Wyze). I sent an email to a couple of friends who may have trail cameras to see if I can borrow one. I don’t own a car, so I can’t put a dash cam in a car.
I put in solar-powered motion sensor lights a couple of years ago thinking this might deter them (they might think they were on camera), and… it did not.”
7. AITJ For Feeling At Home At My Partner's House?
“My (30 F) partner, John, of 2 years (41 M) owns his home.
His friend/roommate Andy (40s M) has lived there for around 4 months.
My partner went camping this weekend and did not want to bring his dog with him so I agreed to stay over and take care of him.
Andy was also planning on being out for the weekend. He originally planned to leave yesterday afternoon but ended up not leaving until this morning.
I live in an apartment with a small tub and no laundry facilities while my partner has remodeled his bathroom beautifully so I had brought a bath bomb and planned to take a long soak in the nice tub.
I also brought over a few loads of laundry to do, as well as some groceries to make dinner with.
I was surprised to see Andy when I got there but he explained that he changed his plans a bit and would leave in the morning. I went ahead and made myself at home – took a bath, made food, and cuddled with the dog on the couch while watching a movie.
Andy stayed in his room most of the night.
This morning before he left, Andy was angry with me and said I had made him uncomfortable by spending so much time in the common areas and acting as though I lived there. I’ve dog sat before he even lived there and John has always encouraged me to make myself comfortable and has never minded me doing stuff like taking a bath.
He even suggested it because he knows how subpar my tub is. so I don’t see why I should have to change my plans for Andy. He wasn’t even supposed to be home last night. And there are 2.5 bathrooms so it’s not like he was unable to go to the bathroom or anything.
My partner doesn’t have cell service where he is so I can’t call and ask what he thinks but I’m 99.9% sure he will be fine with it.
I’m not sure if I should feel bad though. Andy does live there and pays rent and felt uncomfortable in his home but on the other hand, if my partner is okay with it, shouldn’t he be?”
6. AITJ For Not Allowing My Foster's Son's Mom To Visit?
“I have two boys staying with me right now. The younger one’s birthday was today, and we threw a party here. He’s not able to see any of his family right now, so he’s pretty bummed. I wanted to make his party special. I cleaned the whole house and put up decorations in the living room and made it all nice.
I did all of this yesterday.
The older boy’s mother wanted to come over yesterday. Normally, whenever she wants to come over, I say yes. However, I was cleaning and decorating. I’m sure most of you are familiar with how difficult it can be to clean rooms people are using. You usually have to clean the room afterward again anyway.
Plus, I like to give them space when they’re hanging out. So I said it wasn’t a good time.
She was really surprised and asked why. When I explained she said that wasn’t a good reason. She said they would just stay outside, but it’s cold outside, and they shouldn’t need to do that. I know it doesn’t bother her, but I’m responsible for this child, so I can’t in good conscience pressure him to stay outside.
We talked about it for ten minutes, and finally, I just said that it wasn’t a good time and she needs to respect that.
She started to cry, and I felt really bad. At that point, I almost told her to just come over, but I worried that would set a bad precedent. I told her she was welcome to come to the party, but she said she couldn’t because she had to be at church all day.
I said she could come during the week, although I know it’s hard for her to make it on weekdays, and she knows I know that, so that suggestion just offended her, and she said I was being a jerk.
Honestly, I still feel bad about it. Maybe I was just being neurotic. It is possible to clean a room with other people in it, I just wanted to make things easier for me.
Was I a jerk?
Info: She’s living at a shelter currently that is run by a church. Church attendance is mandatory. If they don’t go, they lose their spot.”
5. WIBTJ If I Remind My Sister-In-Law And His Husband That No One Will Be Taking Care Of Their Kids On The Family Vacation?
“I married into a decent-sized family who loves taking family vacations together. That’s 12 adults, and 6 kids, aged young teen to baby.
Recently we decided to discuss a new vacation idea to Europe, and the adults were super excited. In discussing the location, the types of things we would want to do, the topic of costs and entertainment for the kids developed, and it was here that most people felt it wouldn’t be as fun for the kids since most of them do not care for historic things, lots of walking, etc., and that this would probably be better as an adult only vacation.
Here is where SIL/BIL come in, when the topic of leaving kids came, we heard ‘Well my one kid will be going regardless, it’s too amazing an opportunity for them to miss!’
This is where a sidebar/explanation is needed:
My SIL/BIL tend to dump their kids on other people, especially my MIL/FIL.
At this isn’t just family vacations, this is family gatherings, outings, random occurrences, etc. I have witnessed on multiple occasions one or both of them coming in and asking if someone is free on a set day, and once confirmed they say ‘So we need you to watch so and so as we want to go out’.
Again, usually on my MIL. She loves being a grandma, and is the sweetest person on earth, and never says no to people unless it’s for health/safety. The few times she has said no, I literally see her die a little inside, seriously the best person award right here, (sorry I will stop now).
As I was saying though, every. single. vacation. without fail, someone, (usually MIL) is told, not asked, TOLD, they are watching their kids so they can go have dinner together, go do an excursion, or if at a theme park, ride rides. They literally plan their own family trips with just MIL/FIL so they have a babysitter 90% of the time, so they can go off together.
So with this in mind, I knew that if their kid or kids go, MIL/FIL will be tasked with keeping their kid(s) entertained so they can go gallivanting off.
At that moment I went to say something but my husband, who knows me all too well, held me back and asked that I wait, as nothing has been confirmed, we were literally spitballing ideas, and to be gentle and non-accusatory when we do discuss kids going.
Would I be the jerk if they mention again that their kid or kids are going, I say ‘Then I want you to understand now that no one will be watching your kids the whole vacation. If everyone else is leaving their kids at home, you need to treat this as if we weren’t there.
Even if all or some of us are staying behind and not going out, you HAVE to take your kid out with you or stay in as well. We are choosing to do child free and if you decide your kid must go then they are your responsibility no matter what!’ My MIL has never been to Europe, and I want her to enjoy herself and not have to worry about having a child dumped on her.
My BIL/SIL are not bad people. This is the one thing they do that sucks. Otherwise, they and the rest of my family are amazing!”
4. AITJ For Not Caring About My Stepsister?
“I’m (21 f) a college student. My dad’s stepdaughter is 18 turning 19 soon and expecting a baby. She has no idea who the father is and she’s been left behind by her friends who are all in college after graduating last year.
She never went and stayed living with my dad and her mom. Now she’s pregnant, doesn’t have a job, and isn’t in school but she’s ‘planning to go now’ which, I don’t know, I don’t believe that, but I know my dad wants to.
I transferred and I now live about an hour from my dad.
Because I am so much closer now, he wants me to help out his stepdaughter, give her a place to stay some nights, so she can get away from their house, maybe be a sister to her, and offer to be an aunt to the baby. She and I have never gotten along and I personally think she’s a spoiled brat and I do not consider her family, even though by marriage she is.
But we never treated each other like sisters and have never counted each other as such. She regrets that now. She told me as much, she realizes I have people in my life who would be there for me in a heartbeat which she doesn’t have outside of her mom and my dad.
I told my dad I wasn’t interested. That I am happy with where my life is and I don’t trust her to follow through, nor do I care enough about her to reach out.
It’s the honest truth. I don’t care if she does try or not. She’s not important to me. It upset him because he wants more for her. He wants me to want this so badly. But she wasn’t part of my life for as long as she was his. I was 15 when I moved in with him after my mom died, and before that, I saw him a few weeks of the year.
My dad was upset but not angry. His wife, however, thinks I’m ‘a bad egg’ to quote her, which gave me pause. She said family helps each other. Wouldn’t I want her to help me (the answer to that is no because I have seen what her help leads to)? Do I not long for a sister that I never otherwise had?
All this stuff. Then she talks about how her baby is special and important and I should cherish her. She told me only bad eggs refuse to help. I might be wrong now but I consider that her way of calling me a jerk and I only entertain that because my dad is hurt.
AITJ?”
3. AITJ For Telling My Mom She Never Really Took Care Of Me Or My Brother?
“I (20 F) have recently moved out of my mother’s (38 F) house for college. I enrolled in a scholarship.
The other night, my mother wanted her, my younger brother (13 M), and I to have dinner together. It’s been a while since we’ve spoken, and I’m afraid this might happen again.
We were having a nice night, the dinner was delicious, and honestly, we were all having a good time. Eventually, we got onto the topic of how things were when I was younger. I made the comment on how her behavior when I was younger made me feel like I missed out on a lot of things as a child.
She disagrees and tells me that I’m being dramatic and that my childhood was perfect. Quote, ‘I was lucky to have a mom who cared as much as she did.’
My mother gave birth to me when she was 18. My father walked out when I was young, due to a personal conflict between the two.
So, she raised me on her own until I was 7. She met a guy, and they ended up having a kid together, my younger brother. He was a golden child to my mom. His father was only a temporary item, as he left as well, soon after. Although the father of my brother was still visible in his life, I didn’t have anyone to look up to as a father figure.
Eventually, my mom went through a phase of depression after they separated. She started to care less and less about her children, and more about the parties and men she wanted to sleep with. It ended up getting so bad that by the time I was 10, I was a full-time caretaker of my younger brother, (with the exception of the weekends he was with his father).
I started to cook, clean, do everyone’s laundry, and take care of everything outside of the boundaries of my home.
From ages 13-15, I began missing out and losing good friends because I wasn’t able to participate in any activity related to anyone else. I didn’t get a car, or a phone until I was 18, and even, then I wasn’t allowed to leave my house.
I graduated senior year with flying colors and ended up getting a scholarship to a really good college. I took this opportunity not only to focus on myself but to also help my mother realize that I was not going to be around forever. When she found out I got the scholarship, she threw a fit and told me I wasn’t allowed to leave my responsibilities here at home.
I left a week after the conversation. I did make sure that my younger brother was safe with his second guardian at the time.
My mother and I talked on some occasions but never really kept in contact. We got together, and you know the story. She told me I am a jerk for saying that she never really took care of me or my younger brother.
I told her that eventually, she will need to get help and stop victimizing herself. But I’m starting to feel guilty, and that maybe I was dramatic after all. So, am I the jerk?”
2. AITJ For Telling My Husband He Was Acting Like A Child?
“My (26 F) husband (27 M) and I are having twins and I’m expected to be due in December 2022. We already have a son together who’s 15 months. We are both more than excited for this moment and we had our gender reveal last Saturday. We invited our inner circle of friends and family. We did the cliche popper that lets out confetti and each of us had 1, which represented the gender of each twin.
When we popped the confetti, we found out that both twins will be girls. I was very excited because I always envisioned myself being a mother of girls and knowing that I will be having even more than one made me feel amazing. However, when my husband realized the genders, he seemed visibly disappointed and bummed, and apparently, our guests noticed as well.
My husband really wanted at least one boy, he even started picking out toys and names. He acted like this for a few minutes. Even his friends had to comfort him in front of everyone and tell him that he should just be grateful. I honestly got secondhand embarrassment that my husband needed to be comforted in front of everyone because he’s going to be having healthy girls.
After that, he tried to cheer up, but you could still tell he was still very upset. I was upset at him but brushed it off until the party was over. After it was done I confronted him about it, and why he did that. I told him he should just be grateful and that he already has a son.
I told him how embarrassing it was that everyone we knew had to see him act like a child just because the gender of his children were girls. We started going at it and are still acting kind of sour to each other. I obviously love him and I want to diffuse the tension but I need to know if I am the jerk.”
1. AITJ For Not Surprising My Daughter On Her 16th Birthday?
“I (m 45) have two children: Shelley (f 16) and Aiden (m 14). Our relationship has always been pretty solid, and they’re both great kids (sweet, funny, smart, and do their chores with a minimum of nagging – I’ve always considered myself a lucky dad, and I’ve told them so), which is why this is baffling me so much.
We’ve always celebrated the kids’ birthdays. They always got a birthday pancake breakfast with presents, my wife would cook their choice of dinner and there would be cake, and if they wanted one, a party with their friends (a traditional birthday party type birthday when they were younger; now that they’re teenagers they tend to choose something more like a sleepover with movies and pizza, which is also fine).
So a couple weeks ago when we were approaching Shelley’s sixteenth birthday, I was in the car driving her to soccer practice and I asked what she wanted to do for her birthday. She said ‘Nothing,’ which I took to mean that she didn’t want a party, so I said, ‘Just cake and presents then?’ and she said ‘I said nothing.’
I was befuddled and said ‘No cake, no presents, nothing-nothing? Are you sure?’ and she said to stop badgering her. So I did.
When I got home, I told my wife, and later she verified with Shelley. Apparently, Shelley was perturbed at having to say ‘nothing’ a third time.
So… well, I didn’t do exactly nothing.
I bought a frozen chocolate cheesecake (her favorite) just in case she changed her mind, and put aside some money for an Amazon gift card so she could buy herself something when she felt like it. But we did what I thought she wanted and didn’t make any special kind of fuss on her birthday itself.
At about 9 pm, she burst into tears and said that she’d thought I’d take the hint and surprise her with something, because ‘Of course I didn’t want ‘nothing’ on my birthday.’ It turns out that she had expected us to surprise her with something awesome for a landmark birthday like the 16th, but didn’t want to tell us what to do because ‘it sucks to plan your own party.’ And us taking her ‘don’t do anything’ at face value hurt her feelings.
I busted out the cheesecake and gave her the gift card, which mollified her somewhat, but she was still hurt
I told my sister about it a couple of days later, and she laughed and said, ‘Well, it’s clear you’ve never been a teenage girl. Of COURSE, she wanted something special for her sweet 16, you dingus.’ But my wife (who was also a teenage girl) says that there wasn’t much else we could do, because foisting a party on her if she truly didn’t want one also had the potential to make her miserable, and she was fully capable of saying ‘I want something special but can you surprise me?’ On the other hand, she’s always enjoyed her birthdays, so maybe that should have been a signal?
It has mostly blown over, but I’m wondering: is my sister right, am I a dingus? Or in this context, jerk?”
