People Want Us To Fairly Evaluate Their "Am I The Jerk?" Stories
25. AITJ For Not Wanting To Sleep On An Air Mattress?
“I (31M) live a 5-minute drive from my mom (F 65) and dad’s (58) house. My maternal grandmother (F 80) will be flying out from the East Coast and staying with my mom and dad. My parents’ house is a 2-bedroom.
Further information: I have some spinal issues that can be aggravated depending on how I sleep.
When my grandmother comes she will be staying with my parents in the guest bedroom.
Neither myself nor my dad get along with my grandmother. Every time she’s here she has some sort of snide remark about how I’m still single, why my dad gained weight, why I’m not as successful as my cousins, etc. I do make a decent living but I work for a non-profit, whereas my cousin is an attorney, and the other works for a venture capital firm.
(He legit has a penthouse in Miami, whereas I live in a two-bedroom apartment in the suburbs). Basically just these small barbs and jabs all the time.
My mother told me she expects me to stay at her house, on an air mattress. I told her I actually planned to stay at my apartment after Christmas Eve dinner and just drive over the morning of Christmas Day.
My mom began to argue with me, I explained to her I’d prefer to be in my own bed to avoid a few days of pain from sleeping on an air mattress or the sofa. She argued back and forth with me at one point saying ‘No you WILL stay here’.
At that point, my dad interjected and said ‘It doesn’t matter. I sleep at my house since I’ll still be here for all the Christmas festivities.’
My mom has been passive-aggressive with me the rest of this evening’s family dinner since. So am I the jerk for refusing to stay the night?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I’m guessing your mom is greatly influenced by her mom’s toxic ways – following in her mom’s footsteps/or acting out of fear/avoidance of her mom’s ire. I.e., your mom is insisting on you being there because she wants to please grandma AND she is bullying you into staying because she learned that technique from grandma.
Your mom could also be trying to have more targets for her mom so that your mom has to deal with grandma less. None of that is your problem.
If your mom does not usually act like this and is a more reasonable person in general, you can decide to talk to her soon (or even after Christmas, when things calm down more) and you can recognize this may be more due to her stress levels.
But you do not have to cave at all; do not have to sacrifice your back at all; do not have to subject yourself to more grandma digs at your life. Heck, even if grandma were the nicest grandma ever, I wouldn’t see the value of sacrificing my back – when it would just be for sleeping in the same house, not much more than that.” swillshop
Another User Comments:
“You’re an adult. You don’t owe your mom an explanation for why you plan to stay in your own apartment and not camp at her house on an air mattress. This isn’t a Brownie Scouts overnight; you’re a grown-up with back issues.
(And even with zero back issues, I wouldn’t be on an air mattress on the floor with my own bed 5 minutes away. Are you kidding me?)
I also want to suggest that if Grandma gets nasty, you walk away. As in, ‘Gosh, Grandma, what an unkind thing to say.
I’ll see you later.’ Then hop in the car, drive home, and curl up with some hot chocolate and Christmas music. Let mom be as passive-aggressive and grandma as nasty as they like; you be in a different room, in a different apartment, enjoying yourself.
Taking abuse and an uncomfortable night’s sleep are not things you owe them. NTJ.” Nester1953
24. AITJ For Not Washing My Nephew's Sippy Cup?
“About 2 years ago my sister (26F) and her husband (24M) moved in with me (17F) and our parents, and for a while they helped out around the house.
While I was gone for a few months with family that all changed. I recently got put on doing dishes every other day. Well, she completely stopped cleaning and helping out.
Her children, a 5-year-old boy and a 1-year-old boy, destroy the entire house. I have asked many times to rinse out the 1-year-old’s sippy cups (we will call him Jake) but she will bring out a ton of Jake’s sippy cups from her room and they will be molded and solid.
Or by the next day, they will be curdled and disgusting. But recently there was a completely molded and solid sippy cup. I threw it away and asked her one last time to rinse them and that if she didn’t start rinsing them I would no longer be washing the sippy cups and she would have to wash her own child’s cups.
But a few nights later, last night, I washed the dishes and realized she left it again, so I left all 6 of his sippy cups in the sink for her to solve. She later came into my room screaming and asking why I didn’t wash him with the other dishes.
I explained that I warned her that if she didn’t rinse them I won’t clean them. But now almost all of my family is mad at me except my dad. He’s been saying it’s not my fault and she needs to take care of it on her own.
So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Even if dishes are your part in the household chores, the state of the sippy cups when they’re given to you is beyond what should be reasonably expected for that task. She probably wouldn’t be letting them get that bad if she was the one who had to clean them, but because she can make it your problem instead she doesn’t care.
She’s taking advantage of the system to enable her own laziness and your family is expecting you to bear the burden of it.” CumulativeHazard
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. ‘Almost all of my family’ sounds like sister, BIL, and your mom. Well, you really aren’t surprised that sister and BIL don’t want to have to do any work and want you to keep doing it.
Your mom sounds like she (1) enables your sister and/or (2) favors your sister, at your expense. At least your dad is backing you up. Just keep refusing to wash them. If any of the three of them look at you when your nephew doesn’t have a good sippy cup to use, just keep looking back at them.
And NEVER be willing to feed/watch your nephew because that’s how someone will try to force you to have to clean a sippy cup for him.” swillshop
23. AITJ For Not Wanting My Other Cousin To Join Our Trip?
“My cousin (17f) is around for the holidays. My (17f) break starts next week so I had the idea that we could go to Universal Studios. We haven’t booked tickets yet but we have the date set. It is just going to be me and my cousin.
My parents aren’t going because they don’t like theme parks.
This morning my mom told me that she invited her cousin’s son to come with us, I was mad because she didn’t ask us and I don’t feel comfortable with this kid.
He is either 12 or 13. I am not close with him, my mom is close with his mom. He isn’t a bad kid but he does a lot of weird things, his parents let him play inappropriate games and watch inappropriate things because they don’t really care and his behavior is strange too.
I asked my mom why she didn’t ask us and she said she didn’t even think about asking because she was on the phone with his mom and she just asked her.
I told her I wouldn’t be comfortable having this kid around and this was supposed to be a trip for me and my cousin.
I told my mom that if he comes I might as well cancel the trip because I’m not going, I don’t want to babysit and have to worry about pleasing him. My mom thinks I’m selfish and disrespectful. My dad agrees that my mom was wrong for not asking us and understands why I feel uncomfortable about having him around.
But said that she already asked so we can only hope that he says no.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Stand your ground, and reiterate you will not go if he is going regardless of whether he says yes or not. You weren’t asked about your trip, you set the conditions for you going, not them.
They will deal with the family, it was their fault after all. They will have to back down in the end, and just be a rock. Repercussions will blow over, and your parents might learn a lesson in respect.” claybonsai
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but quit telling your mom any more plans.
Don’t give her any details in advance and don’t tell her when you are leaving. If she invites the 13yo over in advance, just leave without him; it’s cruel to him but he needs to learn young that your mother and his mother are not to be trusted. If you cancel the trip, he will be disappointed, and if you go without him he will be disappointed, so you might as well go without him.” MelodramaticMouse
22. AITJ For Not Wanting My Mom's Dog In My House?
“My mom asked if she and my dad could stay with us on Christmas Eve to wake up with and watch my kids open presents. I have no issue with that except I asked if she could board her dog since it doesn’t get along well with my dog and I just don’t want to deal with it while I should be enjoying the day with my family.
We have to keep the dogs separated the entire time and my dog whines because she’s locked upstairs by herself. My mother’s dog is about 80-90 pounds and comes up past my hip (I’m 5’9”). The dog is mostly untrained, and barks a lot; we live in a townhouse and my neighbors have complained about it to me.
She also frequently knocks down my small (2.5 yrs and 15 months) children or hurts them in some way. Besides those reasons, she’s horrible around food, doesn’t listen, tries to jump on my furniture, and my mom refuses to pick up after her in the yard even though I can get fined for it.
My mother is now saying that ‘(dog name) is a package deal’. I asked if she would really choose the dog over me and my family, and she told me ‘I made the choice for her’. That was the gist of the conversation and it has left me very confused and hurt.
They board the dog all the time and I ask that they do any time they come to visit us for the reasons above, so it shouldn’t be a shock that I’ve asked this time. We never bring our dog to their house when we visit because it is an inconvenience to everyone involved, I just don’t understand why they can’t give me the same courtesy.
I am pregnant and have been overly emotional, I feel like I might be overreacting because of this.
So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“This is a very simple NTJ. As long as you requested the boarding at least a few weeks in advance (since trying to find a sitter/available boarding a week before the biggest holiday of the year, especially for a larger dog, can be a massive, expensive pain), there’s no excuse for her to be behaving like this over being asked to do it.
At this point, if she’s refusing to come unless she can bring the dog, tell her that you hope she has a nice Christmas by herself and invite everyone but her to come over. The decision to not board is hers and she has no one to blame but herself if she’s stuck at home with the dog over the holidays.” ShadowCoon
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, OP. And please do not give in to your mom. She is very wrong! Your story listed several reasons why hosting this dog is a problem. Each one is its own valid reason for you to refuse to host her dog.
You are in no shape to deal with all of those issues. Your children do not have to be subjected to the dog overwhelming them; your dog doesn’t have to suffer because of mom’s dog either.
Tell mom, she can sleep over without her dog.
She can prioritize your kids, her dog, and her wants however she pleases; but there is no sleepover with her dog. Your priority is your family (which includes yourself/spouse/kids/and dog). She (your mom) is after your family, and her dog is far, far down the list. She’s trying to make you think your values are off.
It’s her values that are off, but that doesn’t even matter. It’s your home, your family, and your boundaries. She doesn’t get to run roughshod over any of that. She only gets to decide whether she wants to sleep over without her dog or not.” swillshop
21. AITJ For Refusing To Give My Parents Access To My Home?
“I am single and live alone. I moved into a new house that I had built for myself and paid for myself with no help from my parents or anyone in a gated neighborhood.
My parents, specifically my mom, want me to register their vehicles on my property so they have access to the residents-only gate so they can freely come in and out of my neighborhood as they please and ‘visit’ me whenever they want.
My mom and I get into petty arguments from time to time and she’s become a real narcissist so I can’t stand being around her that long.
Currently, they have to go through the guest entrance which requires them to talk to the guard at the gatehouse and present proper identification, and the guard will call me and I can let my parents in or let the guard know that they can’t enter.
I didn’t buy a house for everyone, it’s just for me. I value my own space and time alone as a true introvert and hate to be bothered especially when it is unannounced. If they want I can visit them anytime. I lived on my own for four years when I was away at college and wouldn’t trade anything for it.
I feel that I want the same experience now just living physically closer to family. I feel obligated to give them access (I don’t know why). And I feel like once I let them have access they will abuse it and I can’t take it back.
So what do I do? My mom specifically makes me feel like I’m the jerk but I tell her she is acting like an entitled parent.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Being introverted is irrelevant. You want some space and boundaries. You don’t want them dropping in unannounced whenever THEY want, or whenever YOU want.
Start as you mean to go. If you want them to plan and call before they visit, let that be known. And your neighbors will appreciate that you respect their security too by not granting complete access.” User
Another User Comments:
“If they want their vehicles to be registered to show they are residents, they can accomplish that by buying a home in the neighborhood.
Your home is not their home. They have no right to visit unannounced. Don’t cave on this, or you will regret it for the rest of your life. You’re an adult homeowner. The fact that you are also their child is irrelevant. They need to learn to see you and treat you like an adult.
Consent matters, and they need your consent to enter your space. Please keep it that way for your own sake. ‘I’m your mother. I should be able to visit you whenever I want.’ ‘No. You should only be able to visit me when we both want it.
If you want to see me, you need to call me and ask if it’s okay to come over.'” throw05282021
20. AITJ For Not Wanting To Hang Out With My Best Friend Because She Drinks Too Much?
“My best friend and I have been friends since high school and I was a bridesmaid for her wedding.
She was always a bit of a heavy drinker and it was normal when we were college age but now it’s become concerning. She drinks at home, drinks when going out, drinks when partying, etc. She has probably gotten to what could be considered heavy drinker’s territory.
When we hung out she would drink a lot (6-8 drinks probably) and then I would have to keep an eye on her to make sure no one tried anything and she went home safe. I’m the designated driver for most of the time but recently her husband texted me to ask me to no longer go out with her and only hang out where drinking isn’t a thing.
I do wonder if because I’m the designated driver she feels ok with getting wasted. She has complained he doesn’t want her to buy liquor anymore and took their collection of wines to friends’ houses to get rid of them. I know it’s causing issues in their relationship.
They were also thinking of trying for a baby and I’m concerned she won’t be able to stop even if she’s pregnant. She’s made plans to hang out and I’ve declined to go and told her we should get ice cream or go on a hike AKA anything liquor-free.
She has caught on that her husband and I are trying to keep her sober and is mad with me for taking his side when she insists she is fine but also says she doesn’t have a problem which I disagree with. I just don’t want to be helping her with her behavior but I also worry if she would be crazy enough to get a drink in a club without friends around.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She’s a drinking addict and you don’t want to be an enabler, that’s what you need to tell her. This is not a situation where you are ‘siding’ with her husband, you are standing up for your own concern about her.
Unless/until she’s actually pregnant there’s no reason to bring a hypothetical child into the discussion. Her behavior right now is self-destructive and you don’t want to be part of any activity that encourages it. Stand firm, you can do other things with her, just don’t stick around for her drinking.
If she chooses to drink with other random people, that’s on her.” kol_al
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, she’s going to get worse before she gets better, something bad was going to happen, you will be there for her, she will say she’s going to make a change, highly likely she won’t, and will make another bad choice, you will be there for her, she will say she’s going to make a change… And so on and so forth until she’s finally ready to give up drinking.
You will probably end up having to cut her out of your life for the most part. Just like most drinking addicts, she’s going to have to hit a certain point of rock bottom before she changes, or she won’t change and will end up in an early grave.
That’s how it goes, just prepping you mentally for what will probably happen over the course of the next few years.” ItBLikeThatChief
19. WIBTJ If I Bring A Spiral-Cut Ham Instead Of A "Regular" Ham?
“My BIL usually hosts Easter, but he’s had an issue with his plumbing recently that won’t be resolved before next weekend (it’s related to the line from the city water supply to his house, so there’s a lot of paperwork involved; that’s not super important), so my MIL is hosting instead.
When BIL was planning to host, my husband and I were going to contribute a spiral-cut ham and the egg hunt. This is what we’ve contributed to Easter for years.
I texted MIL this morning about whether she had baskets for the kids for the egg hunt, and she confirmed that she did and added that we should bring a ‘regular ham’ instead of a spiral cut.
I asked why, and she said that spiral-cut ‘dries out too quickly’ and that the leftovers aren’t as good as the leftovers from a ‘regular ham.’
I know this is a dumb hill to die on, but my husband, his brothers, their wives, and I all prefer spiral-cut ham to ‘regular’ ham.
We’ve been doing spiral-cut at Easter for years, and the first year we did it, they all commented about how much they preferred it. My husband has three brothers, and we split leftovers after such family gatherings, so my MIL will not be saddled with more than 1/5 of the ham (realistically, she’ll be left with much less because the families with teenage kids tend to take the bulk of leftovers, which is fine by all of us).
I told her that we had already bought the spiral-cut ham, which is true (we pre-paid the butcher and will pick it up on Saturday), and she said that she would just get a ‘regular ham’ from Sam’s Club to have on Easter and that we could keep the spiral-cut ham at our house.
I texted all the siblings and their SOs separately from the family group chat about this, and they all gave some answers like, ‘Just bring the spiral-cut ham and mom can deal.’ I posted in the family group chat that we’d be bringing ham and a salad after my MIL asked for a list of what everyone was contributing, and she posted, ‘I have the ham covered.’ Some of my BILs and SILs posted that they want spiral-cut ham, but a couple of them have been siding with MIL and saying that I should just back off because we’ll be at her house.
I told them separately that I was willing to host if MIL refused to serve the ham I brought, and they told me that I should not be pushing this as hard as I am.
My position is that we already paid for the ham, everyone likes the ham except MIL, and it’s silly to buy two hams for one holiday.
I recognize that I am contributing to the silliness, though, so AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Lightly, everyone sucks here. (So far.) Your MIL is the host and should serve what she wants to serve. Bringing food she’s specifically asked you not to is a jerk move.
Don’t do that, please. But she should have told you about it as soon as possible to avoid you purchasing the ham. It’s a shame that happened. It would be a HUGE jerk move to plan a competing event for the same holiday. Please, please don’t do that.
That being said, if you want to host a non-Easter spiral ham party the next week or something, do it. You have the right to have some fun off the back of the ham you bought. That said: The butcher might have a wait-list. You might want to call and see.” ravenwing263
Another User Comments:
“Don’t take it. Since it’s already paid for, pick it up cut it up and freeze it in portions, since she told you not to bring it multiple times in a group chat. If it’s brought up by someone else say you won’t be bringing it.
If anyone questions why it isn’t/wasn’t brought say you chose to respect MIL’s wishes about not bringing it. Eat whatever and then when the leftovers are divided up tell them no thanks to any ham. Try and leave it at that but if questioned as to why you don’t want any ham say you already have some at home.
When it comes to the hams don’t volunteer anything unless asked basically.” Extension-Cup-3529
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She knows that you get the spiral-cut ham and do the egg hunt each year, so this should have already been a known thing to her. She’s being petty about it and she knew that you already bought the ham.
Since your husband is her son, maybe he should text the group that it has already been bought, it’s coming to Easter with you, and that you guys don’t want it to go to waste since you’re probably not going to eat it all between the two of you.
Let him fight this battle with his mother and in the meantime, support your stance (and from what it sounds like, the stance of many of the other family members) on it.” BostonmomSS
18. AITJ For Telling My Stepdaughter She Needs Me More Than I Need Her?
“I have twin (21) stepdaughters, a nearly 5-year-old, and a 1-year-old. The twins share a room and the 1-year-old sleeps in my and my wife’s room.
Stepdaughter 2 has a full-time job, studies part-time, and is self-sufficient in most cases. Stepdaughter 1 has no job, relies on benefits from the government, only leaves the house when it’s to go out with friends, and barely does anything around the house to help without being asked to first.
My frustration with Stepdaughter 1 is through the roof. The other night, I made dinner, set the table, and called everyone to the table. So far, so good, Stepdaughter 2 came home from work just as we finished dinner so she sat down to eat. My wife asked number 1 to do the dishes and she refused saying number 2 never does anything and we never do them.
I replied because all of us work full time, I cook dinner every night, we have younger kids to organize and if you don’t like it you can find somewhere else to live because you need me more than I need you. My wife got annoyed with me for saying it but it’s true.
She abuses the privilege of living with us, not paying for food, electricity, water, gas, and the internet. I wouldn’t care if she was working but she just won’t look for work and is more interested in gaming and doing what she wants.
I told my wife I hated being home because she was always here. Am I the jerk for saying she needs me more than I need her?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If she can game and spend money on toys and gaming then she can proportion some of that money as rent or move out.
She’s 21! She’s no longer a child and if she can’t or won’t work why is it acceptable she takes benefits? You need to sit with your wife and draw up a plan where she takes some of the household chores, helps out, and also pays rent.
If she can’t or won’t then you have a leech and you need to seriously consider how long you’ll be willing to let this continue for. The longer it continues the more frustrated and annoyed you’ll be and it doesn’t set a good example to your other children or the other twin.
There’s no reason at all she shouldn’t have a job. I’m old school and I’d have set the boundaries of being in education or being in work. If she’s doing neither then why are you subsidizing her?” CarMysterious8404
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. But it’s wayyy past time for the wife and you to have an honest and calm talk with your daughter.
You need to ask why she is so unmotivated, what are her plans, and what you could do to help her become a responsible adult. The foot should have been put down long ago, and parenting out of guilt is a recipe for disaster. You and your wife are not doing her a favor, you are actively enabling her, not preparing her to be independent.
At this moment she has absolutely no reason to change, and why would she want to, she has a free home, and food, doesn’t have to work or help around the house, and gets some spending money. Time to send her to a therapist, possibly send her to someone who could help counsel her for future plans.” Janellewpg
17. AITJ For Not Wanting To Introduce My Daughter's Cousin To Her As Her Brother?
“I (f 36) have 2 kids (boy 7, girl 5). They have different dads so the reality is they’re half-siblings.
My daughter has a brother and sister from her dad having other kids.
Now for the ‘fun part’ of this story.
Try to follow along. I’m aware it can get confusing.
A couple of years ago my aunt and cousin moved to the same state as me. Yay. Family is great especially when it comes to kids seeing someone they’re related to often. Randomly it’s announced that my cousin has started a relationship with my daughter’s father.
Nice. How white trash of her but whatever it is what it is. At least she’s good with my kids and they get along. No worries there.
Of course, she’s pregnant now to give birth. Lovely. Here’s where I’m having issues… She has a son already who’s almost three (not fathered by my daughter’s dad) and my daughter knows him as her cousin.
Because they are. They want to ‘introduce’ the new baby to my daughter as being her brother and that doesn’t fly with me. They’re cousins. Yes, they will also be half-siblings genetically speaking but come on. These are children. Let’s not confuse them.
My cousin has her mind set on the brother/sister label and I’m set on it not.
Like is there seriously no other way to ‘label’ this mess? I don’t know. It is what it is I guess. I just don’t think I’m a jerk for wanting to keep it simple. Kids are already confused as it is.”
Another User Comments:
“That baby will be your daughter’s brother-cousin or sister-cousin.
There’s no point in lying about what their relationship is. I don’t wanna say you’re a jerk here, as I understand the feelings of ickiness that can surround a situation like this, but this IS something that can happen in families and it’s best to be fully honest. So, no jerks here or everyone sucks here, given that your cousin doesn’t want to admit that the two children will be cousins as well as siblings.
I say you should be upfront and call them what they are: ‘half-brother-cousin’ or ‘half-sister-cousin’ (if you all care to highlight the half in that way, otherwise you could drop it. I understand different families treat the halfness differently).” StellarPhenom420
Another User Comments:
“It seems like your intention is to not make the kids confused. That is a good intention, but at the end of the day, the labels don’t matter.
Brother/Cousin is just a term. What matters is how your children feel about their relationship with their Brother/Cousin. NTJ because you have good intentions, but I think you are getting worked up over mostly nothing. Just tell her that the kid is her brother and her cousin.
I am not going to give your cousin a pass because she is responsible for the whole weird dynamic, and it seems like her motivation is to force the kids to be close. She wants her son to have an older sister looking out for him, but that isn’t a role your daughter needs to take on if she doesn’t feel like it.” SilasRhodes
16. AITJ For Telling My Stepson It's His Fault He Can't Keep A Relationship?
“My (49m) son (20m) is in a throuple and he introduced his partners (22f and 23f) to my wife (47f) and me yesterday. I’m so proud of my son because both of his partners are pretty, and the first thing I did was have a beer (the legal age where I am is 19) with him.
They had dinner with my family, and they went home. I was curious about the dynamics of a three-person relationship. When my son lived at home, he lived with my ex (his mom), and, I admit, I wasn’t there as much as I probably should have been.
I regret it, but I’m proud of who he is now.
Today, my stepson (21m) started complaining about how unfair life is because he can’t keep a woman and how he’s still living at home, yet my son has 2 partners and lives with them. He kept complaining and whining about how my son has everything figured out while he doesn’t.
I had enough.
My stepson has always had this victim mentality. He’s been in 3 relationships, and all three of them ended with him having an affair. He had an affair with his second during his first, his second with his third, and he tried to have an affair with his third partner’s cousin during their relationship.
He spends almost every day partying, and he hasn’t been able to keep a job for more than a month at a time. I snapped. I told him that all of that was his fault and to stop blaming everyone else for his mistakes. That made him mad, and he called me a jerk and left the room.
My wife thinks I’m a jerk too.
AITJ for telling my stepson to stop blaming everyone else for his mistakes?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ about the stepson thing but it’s pretty weird that you’re proud of your son because his partners are pretty and not because, say, they’re smart, successful, kind, or because the triad is healthy.
I don’t know, I might assume from that, that maybe you being around played a part in shaping your stepson to be so misogynistic that he thinks he’s entitled to a partner after being unfaithful to 3 of them and it seems he also thinks that getting a woman will solve all his problems, which it will not and will only cause more problems for her since he doesn’t have any of his crap together.
In which case, your son probably has a better game BECAUSE you weren’t around much, so he has his mother’s influence to thank. But that’s neither here nor there and again, you’re NTJ with the stepson thing regardless, but still, just an observation.” catboycecil
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your stepson clearly wants relationships to be spoon-fed to him and doesn’t want to put an effort into maintaining his relationships. Your wife’s reactions show that she was responsible for coddling him and is a major cause for your stepson’s refusal to take responsibility.
Now that you know the loser’s habit, instead of helping your stepson, better learn to ignore or shut him up because he will not learn anything good from you nor improve himself.” angryomlette
15. AITJ For Being Uncomfortable About My Roommate Bringing Their Significant Other Into Our Room?
“I (18F) and my roommate (18F) share a triple dorm room (the third roommate dropped out before we moved in). It’s not a big room, but we aren’t cramped either. We both have our own areas in the room and sleep in separate beds.
Recently my roommate has been bringing their significant other (18-ish M) in our room.
Not for anything dirty (from what I’ve seen) but he’s been sleeping in our room for over a week now. I know he has his own room because it is right across the hall from us. I’m not entirely sure of what to do because every time I try to bring something up she says ‘Oh, it’s not like we’re doing anything dirty’.
She once even brought him over when she and I both had 8 AM tests the next day.
I feel bad for being uncomfortable, her SO seems like a nice person, but now I can’t get changed in the morning because he’s always there. They have done nothing malicious but I still feel annoyed every time he comes over.
My roommate seems to notice my discomfort because she bought me yarn twice already (I’m a big fan of crochet). On one hand, I feel like it’s a bribe and on the other, I feel like I’m taking advantage of her.
Today I had to meet someone in the morning and almost didn’t make it because the shower I usually changed in was occupied.
I feel like a total jerk because, again, they’re nice people. My friends tell me to talk to her about it but I’m wondering if I should just******* up and deal with it.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You’re supposed to have only her as your roommate, and it should be obvious to her why you feel uncomfortable sharing a room with a man.
You can’t change your clothes in your own room, you can’t use the shower, and you have to adapt to his presence all the time… this isn’t fair. Ask her how she’d feel if you brought another man she barely knows to sleep in your shared room.
Can’t she be the one to go and sleep in his room?” Red-Octopus91
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Never mind if anything ‘dirty’ is going on or not. You’d have reason to prefer not having her bring in a female friend, too. You share the room and you should share in any agreement of how the two of you use the room.
If you want to go way out of your way to be accommodating, it sounds like your biggest problem is getting ready in the mornings, so tell her he’s got to be gone by 6:30 AM. If she can’t work with that, that’s what dorm RAs are for.” CatteNappe
14. AITJ For Not Allowing My Mom To Watch My Baby?
“For those of you who have not parented in a while, all doctors strongly recommend putting babies to sleep on their back, without pillows or blankets. This significantly lowers the chances of accidental suffocation/SIDS. In fact, the hospital made my husband and I sign a form stating that they had informed us of this fact.
When my older child was a baby, my mom would wrap him in blankets and put him face down EVERY time she watched him. I was in tears, begging her to be safe with him. She just said ‘All my kids lived’ and told me that if I don’t trust her to watch the baby then don’t have her watch him.
I eventually stopped having her watch him until he was much older.
Now I just had my second child and my mother offered to take the kids overnight to give us a break. I told her I would not be able to sleep knowing the baby was not safe, so I would just keep them at home.
My mom is offended and angry. She is saying that I am ridiculous and being very mean to her when she is just trying to help. I told her she was very clear that my choices were either to let her be unsafe with the baby or not have her watch them.
I just can’t relax knowing my baby is not in a safe space, so what other choice do I have? My dad is on my mom’s side and is rolling his eyes and calling me overprotective, my husband is on my side and says there is no reason she can’t change her behavior to keep our children safe.
So, am I the jerk for not letting my mom watch the baby when I think she is being unsafe?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but your parents are massive jerks who apparently don’t care about their own grandchild. EVERY major pediatric group warns against putting a child to sleep on their stomach before they are a year old.
Honestly, your mom’s behavior in this is troubling. How hard is it to put a baby down on its back for heaven’s sake? SIDS is actually declining in frequency due to the campaign to put babies to sleep safely on their backs (without blankets). At this point, I don’t think you can trust your mom to be alone with your baby.
I would be concerned that she’d lie to your face and say the baby would be put down properly and then she’d do it her way out of spite.” celticmusebooks
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. This is why my MIL has never been allowed to sit for my children.
(I won’t leave her alone with them either.) I get the ‘We didn’t need car seats when Husband was a baby’ speech so she’ll never be allowed to drive them, either. Also wanted us to give them water as infants, or to mix baby cereal in their bottles… Yeah.
No. When grandma and grandpa show disdain for your wishes as a parent, regardless of what those wishes are, they do not get access to your children. If your wishes are ‘no plastic toys, only wood or fabric’, even if they think it’s silly, that’s a hard no. Stick to your guns.
Find another sitter. And make it clear that she’s grandma, not childcare.” punnymama
13. AITJ For Refusing To Go To My Partner's Sister's Wedding?
“My partner (29M) and I (27F) have been together for three years.
It’s been… fine. But this thing with his family is really putting the strain on us.
His family is super old-fashioned. They have VERY strong opinions about how people should live their lives, especially when it comes to careers and relationships. I’m a freelance graphic designer, and they don’t seem to see that as a real job.
They always make these little comments about my work, asking when I’ll get a ‘stable’ job, or suggesting things that would be a better fit for a ‘serious career’.
Last week, I went to a family dinner that was supposed to be about his sister’s upcoming wedding, but it turned into an interrogation about my job and my future.
Basically, they don’t think I’m good enough for their son. My partner just sat there the whole time and said nothing. I was so humiliated.
Afterward, I told him how upset I was and I really hoped he would have at least said something to defend me.
But his whole thing is that he doesn’t want to rock the boat with his parents, and it is better to just let it go.
I’m so angry and hurt. Now the wedding’s coming up, and everyone expects me to go and act like it’s no big deal. But I honestly don’t think I can.
I feel like my partner not sticking up for me showed me exactly where I stand in this relationship. He thinks I’m being dramatic and that not going to the wedding will just make things worse.
Am I overreacting? Is not wanting to go totally the wrong way to handle this?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – your partner and his family are the jerks. I would not want to be around people who don’t show me kindness and respect. These people are constantly putting you down and treating you horribly while your partner allows it.
Here’s the thing… it sounds like your partner will most likely always take his family’s side. So, if you get married his family will come first and he’ll keep allowing them to treat you like crap. I would break it off now.
You’re young and you can find that person that will love you, put you first, and never allow anyone to make you feel less about yourself. He’s out there. Good luck! Skip the wedding.” chatterbox2024
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You are not overreacting.
He should have stood up for you and this is what you can expect if you choose to stay with him.
‘But his whole thing is that he doesn’t want to rock the boat with his parents.’ I have lived in a situation like this.
It builds resentment in him and yes, in you. If he can’t get the stones to stand up to them, he will not make a good partner. Consider your options OP. This is a BIG RED FLAG. Start saving money and planning your exit strategy.
You can do better.
PS: My mom was a freelance graphic designer and she made a career out of being her own boss. Your partner’s family is shortsighted, to say the least.” goldenfingernails
12. AITJ For Kicking My Baby Daddy And Son Out Of My House?
“I’ve been separated from my son’s dad for 3 years since he was 1. In that time I have returned to work full-time and bought a home for me & my son, whilst he has worked on and off, and is now trying to set up his second business since we separated.
My ex lives with his parents, and his mum (son’s granny) refuses to allow our son in their home as she finds it ‘too stressful’. Therefore to ensure my son maintains a good relationship with his dad I have let him come and see/take care of our son in our (mine/my son’s) home.
He has always seen him 2 days 1 week and 1 day the following. In the last 8 months, as he has been earning no money, and paying no child support, it became unsustainable for me to keep paying the full-time nursery fees whilst I worked, so my ex started having our son 2 days a week and then every other weekend.
I had always expected that once he was earning money again he would back pay the child support he hasn’t been paying. This happened in the past when he didn’t pay for 5 months, but when he was earning he did pay it back.
This time though he has said he doesn’t feel like he owes me any child support as he is looking after our child 2 days a week so I can work and not have to pay nursery, so it balances out.
To mention, I have just changed our son’s nursery hours to accommodate his dad’s working hours, his business is based in America and he doesn’t start work until 2 pm, so he will have our son for 3 hours every morning instead of the 2 full days.
Allowing him to work fully, the same as me.
While he is in my home he drinks my coffee, uses my food (he does buy a lot when cooking for my son/himself, but for things like butter, cheese, oil, sauces, etc he uses mine), he leaves my oven a mess, and he puts our son in front of the tv and falls asleep, while I’m upstairs working.
I got fed up with it today, the final straw was him saying he wasn’t going to pay any child support, so I told him if he wasn’t going to contribute towards what I provide for our son, then he couldn’t benefit from it anymore, and he was no longer welcome in my home.
I said we would do a handover at the door and what he did in his parenting time was his responsibility.
He says I’m an awful mum who doesn’t put her son first because I kicked our son out with him in the rain.
He brought our son back at 1 pm, even though he knew I’d still be working, but of course, I accepted him back and worked around things. I wasn’t kicking my son out, but I am fed up with feeling like my ex lives with me and is taking advantage.
AITJ for not allowing him to use my home, as I know his mum won’t allow him to bring our son to his house?”
Another User Comments:
“Just stop this. That guy is never going to be responsible with you and his mommy enabling him to skate through life while you pay for everything.
Is this the role model you want for your child? While his mom is still putting up with his useless self, at least she drew a line at the childcare – she doesn’t want the baby in the house because he dumps him on HER all the time!
Change your locks. Document absolutely everything: how much time you each spend, how much money, every communication, etc. Use one of those co-parenting apps so everything is memorialized. Be a strong parent for your child. And triple-check your birth control so you don’t get in this situation with another loser deadbeat.
Expect better for yourself. Only you can make good choices for you and your son.” Avlonnic2
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here. Your deadbeat ex for obvious reasons. And you for allowing him to weaponize your child and kicking the kid out with him. Stop catering to your ex, take him to court for the child support he owes you, and set a custody arrangement.
Stop trying to force a relationship between him and your son. He’s trash and sooner or later he’ll break your son’s heart. ” Helpful_Hour1984
11. AITJ For Kicking My Sister Out Until I Can Rehome Her Cats?
“My partner (M 26) and I (F 26) live together. About 2 years ago, my sister (F 20) moved in with us due to issues with our parents. Because of how suddenly my sister had to move out, my partner and I take care of her financially, fully.
After living with us for about 4 months, she said she wanted a cat.
My partner was very against it as he felt we did not have the time to keep up with an animal and take care of it properly.
I came up with a compromise. She would be allowed to get the cat if she:
1. Got a part-time job and fully financed the cat and all supplies herself
2. Cleaned up after it and took care of them fully
3. Saved up at least $1500 for emergency vet bills as well as money to buy all supplies before the cat arrived.
She agreed to these requirements and within 4 months, she was ready to get the cat.
Long story short, we ended up with a bonded pair. Up until January, they were well taken care of.
Around mid-January, the cats started having accidents around the house. This was unusual as they were pretty good about using the litter box in my sister’s room.
It started happening extremely often. My partner became concerned and said that it could be a kidney infection as having accidents this often when they’re perfectly litter box trained is unusual.
The house started smelling and we traced the smell back to my sister’s room.
It turned out she hadn’t cleaned the litter box in almost a month. The whole thing was unsalvageable. We ended up making her buy a new one as well as schedule a cleaning time as this was improper care of the animals.
Right around Valentine’s Day, my sister left to go visit a friend overnight and told us that the cats had access to food and water.
Both cats seemed extremely lethargic and not themselves. My partner discovered both cats were extremely dehydrated. He ended up buying Petralyte and syringe-feeding them because they were super dehydrated. We then discovered there was no food or water and there hadn’t been for nearly a week because my sister kept forgetting.
We again made her set an alarm and made her buy an automatic refilling water bowl.
The last straw though was when one cat started throwing up multiple times a day. My partner insisted on taking it to the vet.
My sister couldn’t afford it.
She blew the whole emergency vet fund on things she wanted as she thought the cats were healthy.
At that point, both my partner and I got extremely angry. We ended up telling her that the cats were no longer hers and that we would be finding a new home for them.
We all got into a huge fight and we kicked her out. The cats are still at home with us and she’s begging to come home. She’s staying at a friend’s but I don’t want her coming home till the cats are in a new home.
I feel like kicking her out was harsh as we’re her only source of care, but I don’t disagree with my anger. I’m just really conflicted. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. A 20-year-old should be self-supporting, on the road to becoming self-supporting or contributing to the household.
I can’t tell from your story if there’s some reason she’s none of the above. But way too much of your and your partner’s time and energy has gone into cleaning up her messes and chasing after her to keep up with responsibilities as if she were a child.
In hindsight, her vet fund should probably have gone into some kind of escrow, but that ship has sailed.
‘But I don’t want her coming home till the cats are in a new home.’ I agree with you about this. Based on past experience, she would do her best to wheedle one more chance, and/or there would be more fighting.” Dear-Midnight
Another User Comments:
“NTJ for setting reasonable rules and enacting the consequences. But back up to why were you two assuming full financial responsibility for a 20-year-old adult who was able to afford the luxury (in THIS case) of a pet? Why only a part-time job?
Unless there’s a pressing reason involving severe disability, she needs to learn to take responsibility for herself first, let her find a shared housing situation, and grow up. If she’s in school and unable to live under her parents’ roof, and can’t respect your conditions either, she needs to rethink her priorities and goals.
As for the cats, once their acute dehydration issue is resolved, their routine care only involves the cost of food and daily tray cleaning. Pet insurance is a better emergency hedge – $1500 is a weekend emergency vet visit, not counting treatment or overnight stay in many US cities.
I hope you consider keeping and bonding with them if you can, but if you must re-home, please check with the vet first to see if anyone there is willing to foster them and if not, if they have any trustworthy recommendations.” Lhamo55
10. AITJ For Laughing At My Cousin When She Freaked Out At Costco?
“Yesterday I tagged along with my cousin on her trip to Costco. She has always been very high-strung but for the most part, we were having a nice time.
As we were in the checkout line a very pleasant man in his 50s or 60s said hello. My cousin introduced him as the man who owns the company she works for. I sort of stood by as they had normal small talk and he even complimented her on helping out with a huge sale even though she’s not in sales and said that they were still working out what the bonus was going to be but it was going to be more than they initially thought.
I mean all in all, it seemed like a great interaction to have with a boss when you see them out in public.
Shortly after he left she started almost hyperventilating saying ‘Oh my god, oh my god, I can’t believe that just happened.’ I had no idea what she was talking about and then she started saying ‘We have to leave, we have to get out of here, that was horrible.’ I said I had $300 worth of groceries, I can’t leave.
She actually walked away and sat down in the food court and I was still so lost but her leaving caused an even bigger scene because I had to go find her because I needed to scan her membership card. She was in absolute hysterics at this point and even the cashier asked if she was ok and if they could get her some water.
We paid and walked out and she appeared to be so physically weak I told her to lay down in the back seat and I would load everything and drive. As I was driving I finally asked her what was going on and she screamed at me ‘My boss just saw me buying toilet paper!
Do you know how humiliating that is?’ I actually thought I misheard her so I said ‘Wait this whole thing is over toilet paper?’ She screamed, ‘Yes I’m probably going to get fired!’ I asked her if she seriously thought she was going to get fired for buying toilet paper.
She said yes that she can’t let anyone at work know her private life. I told her I doubt he even noticed and I also doubt he thinks about her bathroom habits, but he also probably assumes she takes a dump and pees like everyone else.
Then she screamed back ‘Your job is so easy, you couldn’t possibly understand how much pressure I’m under at work… I’m going to lose it.’
At this point, I lost it and started laughing harder than I knew was possible. Not only was it ridiculous but I felt like she was attacking me and instead of going back and forth, I felt finding the humor was the way to go.
She said ‘You’re actually laughing at me? You are such a jerk. I do you a huge favor and you’re laughing at me?’ She got to my house and dropped me off and sped off with my groceries. I called my aunt to make sure they got at least put in the fridge but my aunt said my cousin overreacted but I’ll probably need to apologize to be able to get my stuff.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, she is either mentally ill or an all-out attention-seeking child. Don’t depend on her for favors it’s not worth the hassle. He was complimenting her and everyone knows you cannot be fired because a boss saw you purchase toilet paper.
It doesn’t even make a shred of sense. If she really thinks that to be real she is delusional to the core and you aren’t qualified to help her. I’m guessing she overreacts to a lot of things where everyone has to tip-toe around her and treat her like a baby or she’ll flip out even more.
I think your family may coddle her in hopes of quelling the tantrums but they’re only making them worse.” PrideFit2236
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here. Your cousin had what sounds like a panic attack. It was over something stupid that got blown out of proportion in her head, like many panic attacks.
She needs better coping mechanisms for sure. This level of anxiety over something so small indicates she needs therapy, not to be laughed at. So, she can get a jerk point for her unchecked anxiety, and you get one for laughing hysterically at your cousin having a breakdown – while mooching over her gas money and Costco membership.” idkmyusernameagain
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. That’s a… she needs to seek help. Therapy. Medication. Her boss was also at Costco. Where he probably buys his toilet paper. Her reaction was so extremely over the top that I honestly don’t believe it was the first time. Aunt seemed way too casual about it.
Suggesting you have to apologize to get your stuff back is absurd. Maybe shouldn’t have laughed but I honestly would have too. To a lesser degree though.” SpiceWeaselOG
9. AITJ For Wanting To Sign Up My Daughter For Daycare?
“I (35f) am currently unemployed due to company layoffs. I have an 18-month-old daughter whom I love and adore. I breastfed her until she was 14 months old because I had the privilege of working from home. My mom is currently living with us and has been caring for her while we were working.
She can stay with us and help till the end of February.
I am actively seeking a job in a competitive industry, and for my specific role, having an updated portfolio website is crucial. Unfortunately, I haven’t updated it in a while due to my long tenure with my previous company, and the demands of caring for a baby.
Now, I’m investing a lot of energy and time into improving it.
The challenge I face is staying focused. My mom now expects more help from me, and my husband doesn’t understand why I’m not spending more time with our daughter, even though I’m dedicating more time to her and I love it.
I suggested sending our daughter to daycare once a week to help her adjust to social environments and to give us a day to handle other tasks such as cleaning, cooking, etc. This would also allow me to concentrate on my job search. However, my husband and mom think it’s unnecessary since my mom is with us.
While I do appreciate her support, I struggle to focus.
For context, we can afford daycare once a week, and we’ve found a lovely lady in our neighborhood willing to care for our daughter.
So, am I being a bad mom for wanting more help even though I am already super lucky to have my mom and am not currently working?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. And in fact, starting daycare one day a week is a great way to help your child gently adjust to being away from you and a new schedule/place rather than suddenly starting her full-time when you go back to work.
So really, I think this is a solution that will benefit everyone: your daughter will get a lead in time where she can get used to going to daycare and get comfortable with her new caregiver before going full time and you’ll have more ability to concentrate on your job search.” tan_sandoval
Another User Comments:
“You need to find balance. And if something is a priority, you need to find a way to make it happen. Do you, working will be a priority, and to get to that point you need to put some work on now.
It is also your priority to make sure your daughter is cared for. And while yes, your mom is there and can help, it’s still not at a point where you feel you can have other priorities.
So I guess my suggestion would be if you need to work to get those things done and can’t do so as your daughter is at home and you feel torn about spending time with her, ask your mom to take her out.
Sign her up for swimming lessons, toddler play time, or any magnitude of things. Get your mom to take her so that you have those times to work guilt-free. If you are already doing that, then tell them that while those things are great, you need a longer period of dedicated time.
Because an hour here and two hours there isn’t enough to be productive. They might be better able to understand the needs of a day when it’s not broken into segments.
This isn’t about not wanting your daughter around. This is about you wanting to spend time with her, but not being able to give your full attention to her and the tasks that need to be done at the same time.
It’s a hard task as a parent. NTJ.” Sunnyok85
8. AITJ For Refusing To Get A Gym Trainer?
“I joined a new gym a few months back.
A few months ago the trainer who works there approached me friendly while I was doing chest flys and proceeded to small talk with me, and then started giving me unsolicited nutrition advice and started adjusting the machine settings I was working on.
About a month or so after that, he approached me again with small talk. Told me his name and was polite and friendly and asked me when we are training together and how he has time available on his calendar for a session. Me being awkward and not knowing how to respond, I just didn’t say anything.
About a month after that encounter (present-day), I was leaving the gym after my workout and he was sitting at the front desk and he said ‘So when are we training together?’
I figured honesty is the best policy and so I awkwardly responded with verbatim: ‘To be honest man, I’m not really looking for a trainer right now’.
He then sort of chuckled and said in what I took as a condescending way ‘You should’. Or something like ‘You need one’ or some combination of those lines. Seems like implying I need one.
Truthfully I wasn’t ready for that and being that I already have very poor self-esteem issues I again just kinda awkwardly declined and went out the front door.
AITJ for the way I handled this? I always see this trainer at the gym and I just feel so awkward working out now because he is always there and training clients around the equipment I use.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. He is being the jerk by using hardcore sales techniques on you at the gym.
The first one he used was the ‘presumptive close’. Like if you go into a car dealership and instead of asking what you are looking for, they walk over to an expensive one and say, ‘What color would you like this in?’ And then the second sales tactic was dissing you.
‘Oh, your form is crappy. (Smirk) You really SHOULD have a trainer.’ When someone is rude to you, you don’t need to worry about the subtleties of politeness. A simple, ‘No thank you,’ is plenty. And if they try again, ‘No,’ again.” SushiGuacDNA
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. He’s trying to drum up business for himself. His initial approach was fine, and there’s nothing really wrong with him asking (nor anything wrong with you declining the offer). Your answer here (‘I’m not looking for a trainer’) was perfectly polite and should have been the end of it.
But it wasn’t – that’s where this changed from a no-jerks-here situation to a he’s-a-complete-jerk. ‘You should’ is terribly unprofessional – he’s trying to get your money in the same way sleazy guys try to pick women up, by insulting you. He’s a loser. If you ever do want to use a trainer, find someone who uses their skills as a trainer as a selling point, not someone who’s just out for a buck.” [deleted]
7. AITJ For Buying Cleaning Supplies For My Brother's Place?
“I (28F) and my partner (27M) are visiting my family for Christmas. My brother (32M) offered his second room for us to stay in instead of a hotel.
So we agreed.
We arrived and the place was dirty. The Christmas tree was covered in cat urine, the floor would turn your feet black and sticky if you didn’t wear socks or shoes, and the whole family was coming over for Christmas to his place to celebrate.
So I went out and bought some cleaning supplies so that I could clean the place up. Brother hadn’t said anything to me but apparently, he complained to my mom about me ‘assuming’ things. One of these things was that I’d be able to use his car to get around because she said I would and she forgot to ask him.
She admitted that was her fault and apologized to both of us.
Now I might be sensitive but I’m getting vibes from my brother that he’s annoyed with me. I haven’t said anything to him about it being dirty, but I said I would help get things ready for Christmas Day – like decorating the tree (after discovering it was soaked in urine we threw it out and got something else to put up).
AITJ for getting a bunch of cleaning stuff and cleaning up his place without asking? Should I tell him that I am uncomfortable with how dirty the place is and that I just want to clean it so I can spend the holidays comfortably with my family?
Should I not have told my mom about my complaints about the cleanliness as they’d find out about it on Christmas Day? Would I be a jerk if I got a hotel room for the stay?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ, unfortunately – you shouldn’t mess with someone’s house without their permission.
Even if it seems like an obviously good thing, they might worry that you’ll move their stuff, use scents they don’t like, make the place feel less like home, etc. Or they might just feel insulted or that you overstepped.
It would be totally reasonable to say something like ‘Hey, would it be alright if I cleaned up some?
If there’s anything you don’t want me to touch just let me know, but I’d love to help out in return for you letting me stay here! And honestly, I’d be more comfortable if I cleaned – since I like to walk around barefoot, I can be a bit particular about the floors.’ Notice how I framed the cleaning as a favor, and the want for cleanliness as a quirk about you, so that it comes off way less insulting than if you said something like ‘This place is filthy, I can’t live like this.’ (Unfortunately, just cleaning without asking or saying anything about it may come off as a passive-aggressive version of the insult, especially if the person is already feeling self-conscious about the mess.) And he’s more likely to agree to and appreciate the cleaning if he doesn’t feel insulted. It would also be reasonable for you to go stay at a hotel!
Especially if you offer to clean and he refuses. He doesn’t have to live at your standards, but you don’t have to live at his either!” SilverStars413
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Your brother offered you a place for Christmas, and instead of being grateful, you roll in like a cleaning fairy without even talking to him.
Maybe he’s chill with his place as is. Complaining about car use to your mom? Bit much. If you’re not vibing with his cleanliness levels, talk to him first or, I don’t know, consider a hotel? Your cleaning crusade seems more about making a statement than being genuinely helpful.
Communication, not assumptions, is the key here.” Fun-Page-6211
6. AITJ For Refusing To Pick Up My Husband's Check?
“My husband and I have a 1-year-old daughter. Her nap times are 9:30 am and 2:30 pm.
Yesterday night my husband asked me if I would mind meeting his boss at a gas station about 10 minutes away from us to pick up his check.
I agreed and asked him what time his boss would be there. My husband told me around 10 am so I planned on just keeping the baby awake and being there at 10. Then my husband messaged me and said not to meet his boss there at 10 but to have the baby ready and waiting because he didn’t know when exactly his boss would be there.
I asked my husband to please have his boss give me a 20-30 minute heads up so that I could let the baby nap. My husband said no. That his boss was ‘on his own time and always has been’ and that he would not be able to give me a time to meet.
I told my husband that I felt like this was an unreasonable and unrealistic thing to ask of me because our daughter would be VERY cranky and need to nap but he is saying that I am being lazy and that I just don’t want to do it for him.
That’s not how I feel at all. I was more than willing to, I just wanted a time frame or at least 20-30 min ahead of time to get the baby ready in case she was napping.
Now he’s mad at me and saying I’m being unreasonable and that he isn’t asking me to do anything crazy just go down the street and grab a check.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your husband’s check, your husband’s responsibility to pick up. While going to get the check is good, the fact that it conflicts with your baby’s nap times is not. If your husband’s boss isn’t willing to commit to that, then he should either drop the check off at your house or mail it to you like they usually get it – had a couple of bosses that mailed or otherwise dropped off my paycheck (the boss who did that was an uncle, so there was no issue there).
Had one other job where I had to pick up my paycheck (or rather, the direct deposit version of such) in my manager’s office, so I don’t know why your husband couldn’t do that either, as you don’t mention that he’s a work-from-home parent.” Efficient_Wheel_6333
Another User Comments:
“YTJ for not considering the effect this would have on your husband’s relationship with his boss. I’ve never met a child who was damaged from not having a nap. Whether you like it or not the world keeps moving nothing stops for one day a kid has to go without a nap.
Would you feel the same if a close family member had been taken to the hospital? ‘Can’t go kid needs a nap’. If you did you’re the problem. Kids adapt, it’s you who can’t or won’t. Good luck!” Tarmi56
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. I feel y’all aren’t hearing each other. It is not unreasonable for you to need a heads-up since you have to bring a dependent with you. It’s also not unreasonable for him to request you get the check since you’re close. I think he’s slightly more the jerk because it reads like he just doesn’t want to ask his boss to do that because he’s worried it’ll annoy his boss but his child’s sleep schedule has to come before asking his boss for a very simple time frame.” TinyBlonde15
5. AITJ For Not Wanting My Mom In My Life Again?
“I am 41 and have not had a real relationship with my mom for 15 years. My dad died when I was 4 and my mom has not really been a good mom since.
I was raised mostly by my grandparents because my mom was constantly bringing bad men into our lives and/or doing things like sleeping with my friends and their siblings. I met my now wife 17 years ago and felt happy for the first time since my grandparents died.
When we were going to get married my mother demanded we do it on her property and wanted it to be a surprise in the work they would do. Well, a week before the wedding date she told us they had done nothing and didn’t even have power so we called family and canceled and got married at the courthouse with my inlaws.
For some reason my mom was hurt we didn’t still do it on her land even though she did no work and wouldn’t talk to me. She then did finally contact me but it was to ask for money and I gave it to her.
We would communicate weekly and then she asked for money again. I asked for the account number to pay the bill and she said no I want your debit card number. When I said no she said I was disowned and refused to talk with me.
Having her out of my life improved my well-being greatly. The one giant stressor I had in my life was now gone and my life improved greatly. When she attempted to reconcile I was not interested because I didn’t see the benefit for myself and my wife.
6 years ago my wife became pregnant (10 years of trying) and our daughter was born. My wife said we needed to let my mom meet her. I didn’t understand the reason but gave her a chance. Things were OK as I didn’t really try to have a real relationship with her more like a distant friend and I even rented a house in the mountains so my daughter had an amazing first Christmas.
It seems like that is when the trouble again started and the next thing was my daughter’s first birthday and my mother ruined the day by trying to make it all about herself. I told her that was it and I wouldn’t let her hurt my kids like she did to me and cut her off.
I then learned that I needed an organ transplant or I would die. People said I needed to talk to her but I didn’t care and just wanted to spend what may have been my last days with my wife and daughter. We also learned right after my diagnosis that she was pregnant again.
Things switched to hopefully just making it to see him born. I did make it and 2 months after he was born I was called in to have my transplant.
Now two years later, things are going well but my daughter keeps asking why mommy has a mom but daddy doesn’t.
I really didn’t know how to answer her but now it has me questioning if I should let them meet my son?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You gave your mother plenty of chances to do better by you, and she doesn’t seem to understand this as ‘well, I should probably behave because it’s my last chance with him’ and more as ‘it worked, I made him come back to me’.
Enough of this. You seem to have made the decision to go no contact once and for all (you even bet your life on it), and I applaud this. I know from experience that it’s not easy, otherwise, it wouldn’t have taken so many years to reach your breaking point.
This might be a bit complicated to explain to your children, granted. But there are age-appropriate ways to explain that some people have a mommy and others don’t have one anymore. Later you can introduce the idea that not all mommies are as good at being a mommy as the mommy your children have.
Stuff like that. But don’t let the questions your children ask, in all their innocence, make you question the decision you’ve made for you and your children.
Remember that not only did your life overall improve without her, but that right now, your kids are still young.
Do you really want them to grow up within reach of that woman? Do you think she wouldn’t guilt-trip them into keeping her in their life regardless of what it costs them in the future?” ladyteruki
Another User Comments:
“So many people tell us we should give these awful parents ‘another chance’ but what they’re overlooking is the fact that we’ve given them countless chances, over and over and over, and they’ve done nothing but hurt and betray us each and every time.
Your mom is horrible. You are right to want to protect your children from her – I have a parental figure I’ll never let near my children, no matter what anyone else in my family says. Some people call it petty but I think it’s the responsible thing to do as a parent who knows for a fact that this person can and will mistreat your child.
Your loyalty is to your children above all else and I think you’re making the right call. I’m sure there’s a kid-friendly way to explain that your mother is not kind and your grandparents raised you, not her. NTJ and I’m so sorry you’re dealing with that but I wish you and your family all the best.” vovinvritra
4. AITJ For Refusing To Pay For My Sister's Wedding?
“I’m (F 24) the youngest of 14 kids. All my siblings are married with kids besides the 2 youngest, me and my sister (30).
It’s a tradition for all the siblings to pitch in over 3k for the wedding and honeymoon for each sibling when getting married since we all have very good jobs and are well off.
After my mother passed I told myself I’ll no longer join in on giving money for the wedding and honeymoon since there is only me and another sibling left.
My last sibling, Ursula, who is about to get married, got engaged this past February. I honestly didn’t know because I only speak to 2 siblings. I got what looked like a wedding invite in the mail the other morning. I opened it and it was a request for 3k from my sister.
I was talking to one of the 2 sisters. They ended up telling me that Ursula lost her job and filed for bankruptcy. She’s with a guy who makes $800 a month and they can’t afford a wedding.
After I got home I sent Ursula a text politely telling her I’m sorry about her situation but I will not be giving her money for the wedding.
I was engaged to my kids’ father. After getting pregnant with our 2nd which is the youngest, he turned abusive.
Ursula messaged me, saying I was going to ruin her wedding by being jealous because my engagement fell through. I told her that not giving her the money had nothing to do with that.
It had been because I hadn’t spoken to her in years. She then responded with how much everything cost. I told her it was not my fault that a bum planned a luxurious wedding and honeymoon knowing she didn’t have the money. Come to find out the siblings are paying for everything.
After I told her a strict no she went on social media trying to bum the money. She went on to a website that lets you set up a fundraiser and she’s posting it EVERYWHERE! She is making herself look horrible. I had a friend send me a few screenshots asking if that’s my sister and I deny ever knowing her.
She then made a social media post about how after I turned 18 and took over the family business I gave money to my siblings’ weddings but not hers. That I was refusing to give her money because I was jealous that she was getting married and I was still single with 2 kids.
I went and made a post with pictures and video evidence of her making fun of all the siblings and her friends. After I made the post I turned my phone off. About 3 hours later I turned my phone on to find out all of the siblings pulled out their funding for Ursula’s wedding.
About a day later she made a post saying the wedding was off because she couldn’t afford the dream wedding and honeymoon she wanted because of me. She went to the courthouse today to get married and sent me a picture of her crying.
I’ve had a bunch of people texting and calling me after this telling me I’m such a jerk for doing this to her. I’m starting to feel bad and feel like it’s my fault because if I hadn’t made the post she would still have funding to have a decent wedding.
So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ to begin with. There are some insanities in your story: Why would your older siblings expect any of the younger siblings to be able to afford $3,000 for each wedding? That’s totally unreasonable. Why would Ursula hitch herself to someone who only makes in a month what others make in 2 weeks working at a minimum-wage job?
(Unless he’s making a lot more under the table but not declaring it?). Why is ‘everyone else’ in the family making good money but Ursula can’t seem to manage her money? Is/Was she the golden child? Did Ursula rush to marry out of spite?
This story is starting to sound like a saga called ‘Marry in haste and repent at your leisure’. I (74M) agree with your point of view. Anyone wanting a big fancy wedding should be prepared to pay for it themselves just in case the geese laying golden eggs stop laying.” PatSchiermeyer
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I’ve never heard where the siblings are basically required to pay $3000 each towards a sibling’s wedding! In this case, that’s $39,000. I know people spend that much on weddings, but it’s crazy, especially if one demands siblings to pay for it. Here’s the thing: ‘saying the wedding was off because she couldn’t afford the dream wedding and honeymoon she wanted because of me.’ She couldn’t afford the dream wedding because of you?!
Wrong! She couldn’t afford the dream wedding PERIOD. Even if everyone chipped in, Ursula couldn’t afford the wedding. She wouldn’t be paying. Others would be paying. ” Marytattoo57
3. AITJ For Making The Girl My Roommate's Seeing Storm Out?
“My roommate Kevin has different girls over a lot, last semester I didn’t really mind since I spent pretty much every single day locked in my bedroom, but now I’m trying to get out more and spend more time in the living room.
So I do end up seeing him and whatever girl he has over before they go to his room.
Friday night I was in the living room playing a game on our big TV and at around midnight he brought in some girl. They proceeded to hook up very loudly.
Like comically loud and it lasted until like 3. I went to sleep around 4 then got up around 10 this morning to make myself breakfast. While I was eating she emerged from the room and saw me on her way to the bathroom.
It was really awkward and honestly, I would’ve preferred her to just not speak to me, but she did.
She made small talk and eventually apologized if I heard the noise. I was so very uncomfortable and I wanted to try to make her feel not as bad so we could end the conversation and I could get back to quiet, so I said something along the lines of ‘It’s fine, I’m used to it at this point’.
She kinda just said ‘Oh,’ went to the bathroom then went back to my roommate’s bedroom and stormed out 20 minutes later.
My roommate came out and was mad at me. He accused me of telling her that he had multiple girls coming over. I told him I never said that, but it’s not like that’s untrue.
He said he was actually interested in her and I made him look bad. I told him that I didn’t think that was my fault. He’s been mad at me since.
I don’t really see how what I did was wrong, I feel like they just took offense to me trying to alleviate an awkward situation.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She opened the door by mentioning the noise. If she’s aware it was loud they should have been more considerate. Several awkward hours for you is worse than her being uncomfortable for a moment after you said something true.
You had no way of knowing she’d confront your roommate about it, or how he’d respond to her. That’s all them.” knapen50
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, although the roommate is a jerk. He would be more considerate of you and NOT make loud noises or make an effort.
And, from the context of her storming out, they were probably seeing each other for a long enough time, and he was having an affair. Good for you getting out more. ‘The good finish last:’ A life-long partner is always better than lying your way to bed. Keep going, and just focus on life.
A good partner will come along when you focus on other things. Let your actions speak for you, like the unconscious honesty you displayed here, OP. Roomie may be living it up now, but his time will come in a few years when his actions catch up to him.
Your time will shine brightly in a few years if you focus on yourself. Stay gold, OP.” CorgiEnvironmental34
2. AITJ For Buying The Dress My Cousin Was Eyeing At The Store?
“My cousin Leah (17f) and I (16f) go to the same school. We are not very close because we are in different years but we hang out from time to time.
Several weeks ago we went clothes shopping together. Leah is quite fashionable and always buys lots of clothes and accessories. By the time we got to this one store she already bought quite a lot of things and when she found a beautiful dress there she said in frustration that she could not afford it.
I told her she could ask the staff to put the dress on hold and then save money but she said it was too much trouble.
Two weeks ago I went shopping with my mom and went to the store. The dress was still there and there was one in my size.
It was a little expensive but my mom bought it for me since I haven’t bought new clothes in ages.
When Leah saw me wearing the dress to our cousin’s birthday, she was angry. She later called me and said I was a jerk for buying the dress I knew she wanted. I told Leah since she didn’t put the dress on hold I thought she wasn’t serious about it.
Leah said that the store puts things on sale regularly and she planned to buy the dress then but I ruined it and stole the dress from her because she can’t wear it anymore or risk being seen as a copycat.
I mean, I know she was the one who first showed interest in the dress but she didn’t care enough to place a hold on it.
Shouldn’t I be allowed to buy the dress? AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. What ridiculousness is this! There are people who own haute couture that someone else also owns and celebrities on red carpets turn up in the same dresses all the time. So, if you wear high street then you will definitely be wearing something that at least 10,000 other people also have around the world.
If she buys something from Zara does she expect no one in her life to like that piece and buy it too? In real life, most girls have at least 1-2 items that both they and their friend bought. Usually together and deliberately. Even if they never show up wearing it together.” kiwi-sparkle
Another User Comments:
“This is the least I think I’ve ever cared about an ‘everyone sucks here’. You wore the dress to a party you knew she’d attend. That feels pointed. She can’t buy the dress cause it’s copying? Unless she gets her dresses custom-made – which she clearly does not – there’s nothing creative about selecting a dress off a rack at a local department store.
20 girls at your school could buy that dress. 100 could. Nobody is copying, there just isn’t any originality to be had in a single item of clothing. If she’s into fashion she shouldn’t be worried at all because she knows that creativity and expression come not from the purchase but from the accessorizing and how you wear it.
How hard is it to shoot a text before buying the dress to let her know you also love it and your mom is buying it for you, thus circumventing any perception of slight?” Kitastrophe8503
1. AITJ For Asking My Offspring To Get Their Stuff At My House?
“My husband is career military so my kids do not have a childhood home. We were at his previous duty station for eight years, where the aforementioned offspring graduated high school and began university.
(They changed majors a few times, so it’s taken them several years to earn their BA.)
My husband received orders when our offspring (26 enby) had one year left of university. We found them an apartment near their campus and we pay their rent.
I moved across the country where my older son lives while my husband finishes the last two years of his career obligations.
(The cost of living is much cheaper here.)
It’s a much smaller house, but it has a finished basement where I set up a bedroom/living area for them. They were in the area over the summer but chose to stay in their older brother’s house and work for him.
They seldom came by and when they did I had to repeatedly ask them to unpack the boxes of their belongings since I thought they would be moving here after university. At no point did they ever communicate that they would not be living here.
Eventually, they did unpack and set up their living space.
They returned to university in the fall and began a long-distance relationship with a person they met in my area. Over winter break they came here to dog sit and spent one night in my home.
The rest of the time was spent with their partner.
Shortly thereafter they announced their engagement, which I’m happy about. Their partner is a great person. And they own their own home which is larger than mine and has more bedrooms.
My offspring graduates this spring and the wedding is this summer.
Then they will move into their spouse’s house.
This is where the issue arises. They have never lived in this house. They have never expressed that they will or will not be living here. However, they claim there’s no room for their clothing or personal belongings (that only take up one room) in their partner’s house.
I’m not even asking them to take the furniture – it’s cheap IKEA stuff I can sell on Marketplace. I just want them to get their clothes and personal belongings and take them to their new home.
Their partner says the discussion is putting them in a ‘bad mental space’ and my offspring is yelling at me for not being supportive.
I just want them to come get their stuff and stop using my house as a free storage facility. I’d actually like to have the basement for my own use.
So AITJ for asking them to get their stuff out of here?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It’s not your responsibility to hang onto their old belongings in perpetuity. Since they won’t talk to you about it box everything up. Find the smallest/cheapest storage unit it’ll fit in, pay the first few months upfront, and then let your kid know ‘Hey, since you didn’t want to deal with getting it out of my house, I did.
I paid the first few months upfront so you have some time to decide without it being a burden on me. I will not be paying further so either find a way to get your stuff moved from the storage unit to your new house or let the payments lapse and lose your possessions.’ At that point, the ball is in their court.
They can do what they want with it all. I’m guessing they don’t actually need any of this stuff since they’ve been doing fine without it all this time.” Weird-Jellyfish-5053
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here. They are 26 so they should have taken responsibility for their stuff sooner.
However, they haven’t moved in with their future spouse yet (where are they planning to live between graduation and wedding?) so their options for storing their stuff are moving it a long distance to their apartment or a storage unit, or forcing their future spouse to deal with it (who probably doesn’t know what they want to keep or not any more than you do, and also shouldn’t have to deal with it all – it’s your kid’s stuff, not their partner’s stuff after all).
And they will have to organize this when they are about to graduate so presumably in the middle of prepping for finals or an important assignment.
You don’t urgently need the basement space so you’re kinda the jerk for pushing for this to happen now instead of waiting til after they graduate and are back in the area.
If they don’t get it sorted once they are back in the area, that’s when you get on them about it – not just before graduation.” TheGreenPangolin
