People Are Excited To Comment On These “Am I The Jerk?” Stories
22. AITJ For Telling My Mom She Won't Be Invited To My Wedding Because She Insults My Partner?
“My mom is a really judgmental person and she has always told me to find a “hot girl” to marry. I have gone out with many but they all have a rather unpleasant attitude. About a year ago I fell in love with my current partner and we have had a great relationship but my mom always refuses to meet her because she’s not up to her “standards”.
She’s a bit chubby and a bit dark skinned and I don’t mind at all I love this woman but my mom wants me to marry someone who’s skinny and light-skinned in order to “improve our family” (we are Guatemalan) but this girl treats me like a king and there is no way I’m going to let her go.
My mom always gives me a hard time for being with her and I tried to ignore her, but today she was like “she’s ugly” and I was fed up so I went off on her and I told her when I get married she will not be invited to the wedding.
She then started crying and started to play the victim and I kept on going off because she always victimizes herself. I know she is my mom but if she is going to judge the girl I’m in love with, why should I respect my mom’s feelings?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. And I’m going to tell you what I wished someone told my dad when he married my mom: Your marriage is between you and your wife. That’s it. If anyone else tries to come between you two without a good reason, they’re a third wheel and they have to go.
My dad’s parents weren’t able to stop my parent’s marriage but they sure made their lives and my childhood a new kind of unpleasant experience on earth. Let’s just say I was 4 but I grew up really fast. Imagine a 4-year-old defending themselves from their own grandparents.
It’s ridiculous. Don’t let this be you. Set your boundaries with your mom now before it gets out of hand. It sounds like you and your partner have a good thing going. Don’t let your mom ruin it.” NightAriaC
Another User Comments:
“Your mom is racist–I know because as a Spanish white-looking (but with Indigenous, white, and black descent) person who is a twin to a darker-skinned woman, my sister was treated terribly just because of her darker complexion.
Latin people can be some of the most ardent supporters of colorism. I think you did the right thing, your mom sounds pretty horrible. To be honest, you should have corrected her behavior before because if she is saying things like this about your partner, she must have been this unkind, racist, and just not nice towards other people, but you seem to have ignored it!
I always check my family on stuff, even when. It doesn’t seem to involve me, and this is the reason why, you don’t say anything, keep quiet, and they think it’s ok to go ahead and say stuff like this.” Substantial_Plum3460
Another User Comments:
“The idea that someone needs to be thin and white to be beautiful is unhealthy in so many ways. It’s even more so in Guatemala, where the divide between the indigenous and European folks seems so wide.
I visited Guatemala and spent most of my time in rural areas where more of the people were darker skinned and the word “ugly” never even crossed my mind. Especially with the amazing colors people dress themselves in!
Treasure your partner, op, and tell her every day she’s beautiful. And don’t you dare tell her she’s beautiful in spite of her skin. And if you have children, tell them every day they are beautiful, so when the world tells them they aren’t as pretty as light-skinned children, they will know.
And if your children come light-skinned, let them know that they are beautiful but not because they are light-skinned. Teach them to see how people are beautiful. This is how cycles are broken. This is how the world changes.” legendary_mushroom
21. AITJ For Accidentally Offending My Neighbor By Sharing My Love Story?
“I’ve moved to a new place and have only seen my neighbor twice and the second time she told me her husband lived in another country and that they had met at a club.
I told her that was pretty neat, and that my husband and I also met at a club – at first we thought it would just be something casual but over time we fell in love. When I told her this, she was shocked and said “how dare you imply that my husband and I had intimate relations right away and that he wasn’t serious about me at first. You don’t support women if you are calling me a loose woman who has intimate relations with strangers they just met!”
I have felt awful about it since and have been going over it in my head and wondering about it. Although I didn’t say she and her husband started out casual, it feels like the implication did overstep boundaries.
How much of a jerk was I for this?”
Another User Comments:
“Uh, NTJ. And I totally don’t understand how someone is already saying you are. This neighbor needs to visit the planetarium next, so she can find out what the earth actually revolves around.
How in the world does your relationship have anything to do with hers and at what point they decided to have intimate relations?!? This is mind blowing, that was such a reach to find something to be upset about I’m surprised she didn’t hurt herself.
Here’s what actually happened. You told your story, and then she jumped feet first into the Grand Canyon of overreacting, and then she implied YOU are the one that sleeps around by keeping it casual at first. Goodness, I’m sorry to keep blabbing but this is sooooo wack.
Definitely NTJ.” PhilosopherInside956
Another User Comments:
“NTJ I met my husband in a club. I like to tell people I picked him up in a bar (I care little what people think of me). And, no, we didn’t sleep with each other the first night or even the next.
We were together for a while before ever deciding we would. That’s her problem. She misinterpreted things. I’d be polite and smile and wave, but not engage with her. Let her think about her unnecessary outburst and accusations and worry that she’s the jerk.
You, stop overthinking you did something wrong, you didn’t, and move on. She’s not worth the bother.” Paulie227
Another User Comments:
“You told her how you met yours and how you grew to love over time. She sounds like she is guilty of the same thing but does not feel good about herself now.
I would take a plant over to her and tell her this is for you. I think we got off on the wrong foot when I was talking about how I met my husband. Go from there either she will realize her mess up or close the door…you did all you could at that point.” Sahareaovnight
20. AITJ For Confronting My Dad About His Attempt To Bribe My Husband To Leave Me?
“My dad tried to bribe my husband into leaving me after he proposed as he didn’t think my husband was good enough for me because he chose to cut ties with his family even though it meant he was suddenly penniless.
It’s been a sore spot for me ever since I found out even though my husband doesn’t care at all.
My husband has been working and travelling a lot recently which means I’m left home alone for extended periods of time.
My family isn’t happy because they feel like he should be here looking after me as I’m having a rough pregnancy and none of my family live in this country.
While we were having dinner with both of our families, my dad brought it up and I could tell my husband was getting annoyed. They were close to having an argument and my dad told my husband he wouldn’t sit back and let him treat me this way.
Before my husband could reply I asked him what he was going to do to stop him and if he was going to try to bribe him to leave me again.
My dad is friends with my father-in-law and I wasn’t aware my husband never told him what happened. So, things got very awkward as my father-in-law was angry that my dad thought his son wasn’t good enough for me.
My parents are upset with me now and feel like I didn’t need to bring it up during dinner as my dad was only trying to look out for me.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your dad needs to get it through his head that you’re a grown, married woman with a family of your own.
You can look out for yourself, and you’re the only one who should be handling whatever issues might exist between you and your husband. If not, then I think extended family dinners should just involve your husband’s side of the family going forward.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. He brought up an uncomfortable subject at dinner, so you repaid him in kind. Should it have been discussed in private? Yes. But are you wrong for doing it like you did? Given the circumstances, nope.
Good for you for having the courage to stand up to your obviously controlling father. Not an easy thing for most to do.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. You are married. You should not be including your spouse in these kinds of situations.
If there is animosity between you and your family, you need to resolve it and move on or cut ties with them. There is no point pretending to be a big happy family together when you’re going to sit around bickering and having petty arguments like a 16yo with your parents.
Everyone is upset and feeling awkward and relationships are continuing to be damaged. You need to find a better solution to your issues with your family. If you were my spouse, I would not be attending any more gatherings with your family if this was going to be the vibe.
You need to protect your husband as much as he needs to protect you.” ashleys_
19. AITJ For Asking My Neighbor To Find Another Place For His Bike?
“My neighbor texted me about 1.5 months ago asking if he could keep his bike in my hallway, and 5 minutes later said he should have asked before because his parents were already bringing it.
I said we could see, as long as it’s not in my way when I try to get by with all of my flight attendant bags. It turns out it’s all but impossible.
We have tried to make a schedule for when I’m not home and he’s been on and off good about it but I’ve had to text him several times, always saying how much I appreciate him trying.
I got in after delays at 0230 and saw it there again. I almost screamed but waited until I calmed down today to text him.
In my texts, I always say how I appreciate him trying without coming out and saying the words “find somewhere else!!” I try to get my point across.
This morning he texted me back in what I believe is a gaslighting text. He said he’s nearly busted his butt in his own nightmare of carrying it upstairs almost every day for me and busting his shins.
He said if I have any more suggestions he’s open to it but if not, “I’d appreciate some leniency on your part at this point”. In the beginning, I suggested asking the landlord about keeping it in the basement.
Our building is small and old in Boston.
I totally understand his frustration but it’s also my area of the building and I believe he shouldn’t have a bike if he doesn’t have his own place to store it.
I get stressed before I come home just thinking about it. I’ve sent pics and screenshots and talked to friends and they all agree I’m in the right, especially because a big reason I don’t have my own bike is that I have no room for it in my apartment.
So…AITJ for trying to get him to move it somewhere? In other aspects, he’s a good neighbor so the last thing I want is tension.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but you need to start being more assertive.
“Hi neighbor, I know we said we’d try but your bike is getting in the way and causing an obstruction. I need you to find somewhere else to store it.” And if he argues or says he “busted his butt” for you say “This is your bike, I didn’t ask you to get it, I was doing you a favor by letting you put it near my door but I’m not obligated to let you.
It’s your responsibility to find another solution.” And if he doesn’t, complain to the landlord.” coppeliuseyes
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It always amuses me how someone can see the exercise of riding a bicycle as beneficial, but get annoyed at the exercise from lugging it up the stairs.
Tell him he can’t leave it downstairs anymore. They make little frame straps and/or pads for bikes that make them easier to carry. I used to just rest the top tube on my shoulder and carry my bike up/down three flights of narrow stairs every day.
It’s not the end of the world. if that’s not good enough, he needs to lock it up outside somewhere. Everyone else is mentioning it being an egress hazard in case of a fire, but running out of the apartment and getting tangled up in a bike frame you couldn’t see because of all the smoke, was my first thought as well.” endymion2300
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Seems like something your landlord needs to get involved in at this point if he continues disregarding your wishes. You shouldn’t have access to your residence blocked by his property. He’s lucky it wasn’t me.
I’d be tempted to take a picture of the bike and post it and the location on the “free” section of Craigslist or something.” Rstar2247
18. AITJ For Telling My Ex-Wife I Might Not Have Kids If I Could Do Life Over?
“My ex-wife and I married young, she was 20 and I was 21. We had our first kid a year later and our second 3 years after that. We divorced last year and have 50/50 custody. Since we separated she has hounded me incessantly and lashed out when her feelings are hurt.
As a part of one of those instances last week she asked me if I regretted marrying her and having kids with her.
My response was “I love our kids, I’m so happy we have them and I can’t imagine not having them around.
But if I had life to do over again I don’t know if I would have kids again.” My reasoning being that I was raised in a Mormon family, where you’re basically taught your job is to get married, have kids, and support a household.
After gaining more life experience I know there are other ways to live your life. And why bring more kids into an already overpopulated, messed-up world?
What she heard was “I don’t want kids” and she went on a very long tirade about how hurtful that would be for my kids to find out.
The following morning I got a message that she wanted to renegotiate the terms of our custody agreement and get full custody since I don’t want them and that way I can “enjoy the life I want.”
Am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but why even answer??? You are divorced, all your job now with her is to find a way to co-parent peacefully. She’s clearly upset the marriage ended, probably more than you are.
Does not make her behavior okay, but if you want this next phase to work out learn how to be very, very neutral with your ex. because what she asked was a loaded question. She doesn’t want to get to know you better, you all are divorced. She doesn’t care about your regrets.
She wants ways in which to be rightfully mad at you. Don’t give them to her. Learn to answer loaded questions like this: I love our kids. Without our marriage, we wouldn’t have them. Two factual answers that don’t set her off.” ErnestBatchelder
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. My mom has said something similar to me – not when I was a kid, but as an adult, when I asked her why she chose to have kids. She said she loves my brother and me, but she had kids mostly because that’s just what you do, it wasn’t so much a considered choice because she really wanted kids.
I didn’t find it hurtful, just honest, and I’ve never doubted that she does love my brother and me and doesn’t regret having had us. There’s nothing wrong with honestly admitting you might’ve done things differently – I feel like expecting people to pretend they are entirely happy with every single life choice and would never do anything else is a really toxic mindset.” JadelynKaia
Another User Comments:
“Not quite the jerk, but I will admit this is triggering as my own husband professed to ‘not want children’ just after I became pregnant with my second. We had to work through these feelings together.
(He was worried about being a bad dad). However, this is much different when talking to an ex. She is looking for affirmations that she made the right decision and was likely upset that you too had doubts.
This is not a place you two should be going. You need to focus on the needs of your kids. Saying such a thing could come back to hurt you, especially if you and your ex spiral into alienation.
You do not have to give her affirmations but you can refrain from saying hurtful things. Hopefully, you will find a place where you can at least support each other as co-parents. Remember it is not a game or contest but if you treat it as such EVERYONE loses, most of all your kids.” SorchaLee
17. AITJ For Refusing To Have A Stranger Live With Me To Help With My Newborn And Business?
“My husband and I are currently expecting. We both work but have made arrangements with our schedules so we both can be with the baby on alternate days. I mentioned to my mom and brother that I may need help from my mom or sister for 3 days a week for about 3 hours (I own a business and may need that time to make sure everything is running smoothly).
They both said of course that wouldn’t be an issue! My mother and sister currently live with my brother and they help with their 3 kids (11f, 9f, 10 months f).
Well, I’m now less than a month towards my due date and apparently, my brother and sister-in-law are bringing a 24yo from another country (she’s a family friend?
But I have no idea who she is and never met her before). My mom sat me down and stated how wonderful it would be if we let her live with us so she could help with the baby.
Saying she’ll also clean and cook. I can give her a position at my company in return for her doing this for me and my husband.
I told her no, I do not feel comfortable with having someone I do not know live with me and not only watch my newborn but also give her a job for doing so.
Now every time I come over to my brother’s house they make snarky remarks about how “I’m a new mom and won’t be able to handle the baby, household, and business on my own”. My mom doesn’t understand why I’m refusing “free” help.
AITJ for refusing?”
Another User Comments:
“Just because your sister-in-law chose not to ‘handle’ her babies doesn’t mean that you won’t. NTJ, but I’d also look closely at what you are asking of your mom and sister and offer to get a sitter for that time you need care during the week.
Even if the sitter comes only one day a week, it will be good for you to start building up your networks. (I am both a mom and a former nanny… you DO want to cultivate some non-familial resources because frankly, stuff happens.) For what it’s worth, they were the jerks for even thinking that the au pair should or could stay with you.
What were they thinking? Such selfishness on their part, don’t let them make you feel bad about their inability to make a cohesive plan for the young lady.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. They’re trying to manipulate you, while also putting you down and not having faith in you.
I had a similar thing happen to me and my wife. Seems like your sister-in-law and brother don’t want your mom to leave for a second, so they came up with this. Also, “give her a position in your company for doing all that”?
They are describing it like she would be doing you a favor. Definitely NTJ.” Bazooki
Another User Comments:
“ESH. You may not be asking as much as your brother, but you’re still expecting your mother and sister to help you with a child you decided to have.
You do realize that neither of them are maids or nannies, right? Instead of asking your mother to help you, you should be helping her get the heck out of your brother’s house and into her own place so she can have her own life instead of being a slave to her kids.” Primary-Criticism929
16. AITJ For Wanting To Throw Away A Bottle Of Bleach In My Shared Apartment?
“I recently moved in with a flatmate and the only non-negotiable thing I asked was not to have bleach at home.
After they brought a bottle from my flatmate’s partner’s place, I reiterated that I did not want any at home and they agreed and got it out of the apartment.
Now, do I hate bleach for purely materialistic reasons because I don’t want to run the risk of it ruining things that are important to me?
Maybe, but they seemed to have understood my reasons.
A few weeks back, the partner moved in with us and, obviously, had to bring stuff from his apartment, including that bottle of bleach. What bothers me, even more, is that they didn’t even ask me “Hey, we have to move stuff and there’s this, what can we do?” They decided to hide it on the top shelf in the bathroom, behind another bottle, hoping I wouldn’t notice it.
I checked, it cost less than 2€, so not too expensive, and I’m even willing to refund them if they whine about it, but it’s not like they’re gonna use it anyway…
I’ve considered just talking to them about it, but I don’t know what they’d say about it.
WIBTJ if I just threw it in the trash without saying anything?”
Another User Comments:
“Your comments show that you say you’re autistic and have an irrational fear of bleach. People use diluted bleach to purify water to make it safe for drinking.
That’s how useful it can be. Have you ever ACTUALLY used bleach? Would a demonstration of it on some clothes or in the bathroom help you understand its usefulness? What are these items you’re so scared will be destroyed by some bleach?
Bleach just… bleaches stuff, destroys the colour. Are there specific colored things you need to remain intact? Bleach is normally used responsibly by most folks. It sounds like you need to be able to compromise on it (let them agree to replace any items damaged, and you keep all precious and important items locked away), the bleach only gets used in specific areas, etc.” Rohini_rambles
Another User Comments:
“YTJ jeez I would hate living with someone like this lol “I’m gonna throw away your personal belongings because I don’t like it!” I’m actually allergic to bleach but I would STILL not throw away another person’s bleach, I just stay away from it when someone’s using it.
You’re too paranoid.. as long as the bleach is in the bathroom away from clothes what’s the chance of it spilling on them?” pink__cloudz
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. If you assume they hid the bleach on purpose and maliciously, you are going to ruin your relationship with your roommates and make your life miserable.
Consider that they likely put the bleach in the back to make it less likely to spill, or because it’s not a cleaning product they use often. Bottles are in front of it because they were put in after, not because they wanted to hide it from you.
If they wanted to hide bleach, a common area is a stupid place to do that. Therefore, they are not hiding it. Literally just talk to them. “I noticed there was some bleach in the bathroom. Can I go ahead and throw it out?” Buy some bleach-free bathroom cleaner to replace it.
If they say no, tell them to store it in their room.” kinncore
15. AITJ For Undermining A Father's Authority At My Starbucks Job?
“I (22F) work at a Starbucks, I’ve worked there all throughout college and now that I’ve graduated I have a job lined up that starts in August. Weirdly enough, this is important.
Yesterday at work, a man with his daughter came in (she looked to be about 11) scolding her about her grades and telling her that she’ll never amount to anything if she continues on this path. He then gestured to me and said, “If you keep failing you’re going to end up like her.” And looked at me as if he wanted me to feed into it.
Now, my mom used to do this with retail workers and while it sufficiently scared me, it’s still kinda messed up to do. I decided to have a little fun with it since I only have about six weeks left anyway.
I dramatically looked at the girl and went, “Your dad’s so right. I failed my tests at your age and now…I’m forced to eat toenails and foot fungus for dinner.” The girl started laughing and the dad glared at me.
He picked up his mobile order and left and I thought that was the end of it.
Well, today he came in and started telling me he didn’t appreciate how I humiliated him in front of his daughter.
I sighed and told him, “I’m sorry sir, but I don’t know what you wanted me to say. Most of my coworkers, including myself are college graduates.”
And he rolled his eyes, “Even if that’s so you could’ve helped me prove a point.
I don’t want my daughter comfortable with mediocrity.”
I told him none of us here are comfortable with mediocrity either and he went “whatever” and left. Right after work (I worked 4 hours today) I told my group chat about it and they’re split.
Some think that I did nothing wrong while other friends think that I completely undermined that father’s authority and I should’ve played into it since he’s obviously trying his best. AITJ for undermining a parent?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. He didn’t have to be a jerk and look down on you and expect you to degrade yourself to get his point across. Being a service worker isn’t shameful because, at the end of the day, it’s a pretty difficult job having to deal with irate customers like this man who feel entitled. He needs to also mind his business about what other people are doing with their lives.
It’s not his call to make if someone is “comfortable with mediocrity.”” ceriseangie
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, at the very least expecting a stranger to play along is a little weird, not to mention something that degrades that stranger.
I can see that correcting the dad and telling him all the baristas are graduates in front of the kid could undermine him, but making a joke was a good way to ease the tension imo. Coming in the next day specifically to berate you is also jerk behavior (not sure if picking up another order makes it any better either).
Good luck at your next job!” Ciphree
Another User Comments:
“Lol my uncle has a similar story. Straight after high school (18) he went right into the mortgage business and did really well for himself. At 21 (2006, before the crash) his boss was selling his sports Maserati for a luxury family car and sold it to my uncle.
At a stop light, the car next to him was a dad and son clearly in an argument. The dad rolled his window down and said, “you’re successful, I bet you went to college and really had to grind to be where you are now.” My uncle replied, “actually I went into sales for a high-profile mortgage company.
I barely graduated high school.” Kid has the biggest grin on his face and dad turns bright red as my uncle drives off.” sunflowers1223
14. AITJ For Wanting To Rescind My Open Invitation Due To Friends Overstepping Boundaries?
“I (24) have a really good group of friends from a place we worked at for the last two years.
Recently, the business has gone under, to nobody’s surprise due to poor management, but we all still plan to keep in touch with each other. Everyone except myself has a partner/spouse and children (this is important later), and one pair (E & J) is moving a few hours away.
I’ve been helping them drive their things to their new home and helping them pack because I love them dearly and consider their children my niece and nephew; they also call me Tia.
One friend (N) and her husband (B) (mid-late 30s) have also been helping pack, in a sense.
And by that, I mean they show up and do a few things before sitting on their phones for hours. They also bring their three kids, 10, 7, and 4 with them when E & J specifically ask them not to.
They bring the kids, and the kids always come and complain that they are hungry and want food so we buy them food while their parents look on.
I love these kids, and I love taking care of them.
They are very near and dear to me, but this has happened more than enough times that I see a pattern. N expects us to feed her children any time she comes over. Even when we ask for no children to be there because we’re moving things.
And her husband does the same. They show up and raid the pantry and then when the kids’ stomachs are full, they leave.
As we were finishing up packing L & J’s home, N turned to me and said “Guess we’re gonna have parties at your place more now!
Can’t wait!”
I live in a one-bedroom apartment. Alone. I used to have an open invitation and for the most part, when they come over I am woefully unprepared to feed FIVE people not including myself. But now that E & J are leaving, they will most likely come over more often and I need my personal space to be MY personal space, not drive home from work to see five people by my door hungry.
WIBTJ?”
Another User Comments:
“I would combine the pretending not to be home at times with the talk: “Nowadays I am quite busy, but let’s meet up on Saturday afternoon two weeks from now! You guys could pick up this (send them a grocery list) and we split the cost on 6 people.
Two of us grown-ups cook, and the third does the dishes. Which one do you guys prefer: cooking or dishes? You choose first!” The part where they pick up the food is really important here, also the part where you tell them in advance the cost will be split among six.
Because then it is you who should pay them a sixth of the costs- easily fixed, compared to asking, perhaps repeatedly, for money that you already am out of. Maybe even ask them what food they’d like you to cook together?
Anything else than “Oh, ok, sure” when it comes to them paying their share should be met with “Oh, I am so sorry guys – I really love you all AND every one of your kids, but I simply cannot feed five more on my salary together with all the costs that come with living alone, rent, phone, electricity, water, insurance, etc…”” Willbewithyousoon
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Just because someone invites themselves to your house does not mean you have to open the door. Just like if someone calls you doesn’t mean you have to answer. Your house is not a hotel nor should you be expected to feed people because they are rude and entitled. If they give you a heads-up that they’re coming to visit or stay let them know it’s not a good time.
If they don’t give you a heads-up don’t answer the door. This will go on forever unless you put your foot down. My grandmother had a great saying, in order to be a doormat one has to choose to lay down first. Don’t reward them for rude behavior and don’t participate.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. What the heck?! They’re way older than you and they want you to feed their kids? Not ok! It sucks that they were enabled in the beginning, which will make it harder for them to stop, but you gotta cut them off ASAP.
If they’ve fallen on hard times and need help with food, they need to apply with the right agencies, not mooch off of you! Don’t let them in, tell them you can’t afford to feed them, you’re busy, etc. If they still insist, guilt trip them that you’re going to school or getting a second job and just can’t hand guests.
And/or just come out and ask them if they need to be taken to the local food bank or DES. If they need help, that’s fine, everyone falls on hard times at some point, but it’s not your responsibility.
Do they need help with forms? Maybe they should see your grocery receipt and wake up.” Eleanor_Willow
13. AITJ For Calling The Police On My Mother Over Withheld Money?
“I, a 20-year-old female at the time, was trying to leave an abusive family life. The simplest way I can put it is that I was forced to be codependent on my mother and was belittled for it constantly by her.
Joint bank account so she could track my spending. She had to have the passwords to my college accounts to look at my grades. She had to be added to my therapy HIPAA (unsure if I’m spelling this correctly) release.
Getting threatened to be kicked out constantly for not doing enough.
I had a job, had a full scholarship to school, stayed home to do my school work. I did my chores the best I could but juggling school, and work as well as my declining mental health was a battle, to say the least.
On a constant basis, she didn’t understand I was struggling. To the point when I went to the mental hospital she tried to convince me not to go. (I wished to go due to not trusting myself at all.
I wasn’t okay at all. She wanted me to stay for school.)
This is where it started. As I finally got her to agree to take me to the hospital she asked in my fragile state of mind if I wanted her to hold onto my money.
I should have said no. I should have thought more but it was a condition to take me herself. I was desperate and honestly didn’t think twice.
After I got out the normal nonsense happened. Including being threatened to be kicked out for making four eggs.
(I was “ungrateful” and didn’t think if she had plans for the eggs. She didn’t, as she admitted but she loved to pick fights)
I’d say a few months later I’m speaking to a friend, and we speak about me moving in and getting out of that house.
We get everything planned but there’s one problem. She has the bulk of my money. (This was my savings, I had a job but most were used on rent.)
I despite my fear asked my mother if I could have the money back, explain my plans, and explain what I wanted to do.
She… didn’t take this well. She refused telling me I wasn’t rational, that I was being impulsive. I had planned this out completely I just needed the money.
I went back to my room crying, panicking, due to a huge argument.
My friend told me to call the police and I did. I needed that money back to leave.
The police came and talked to both of us. They couldn’t do anything as we had a joint account.
I know this is only one perspective.
I could write a lot more but I know it would be a book.
On this, AITJ, or did I do the right thing for myself.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your mother is abusive. You need to get out of there, block all communications from her, get bank accounts she can’t touch, and revoke all access she has to your school, financial, and medical records.
Can your friend help you with any of that?” DeathFindsAWay
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You did what you felt was a necessary step, and based on your mom’s abusive behavior, I think it was the right move if you were in the midst of a big argument.
Out of curiosity, where do things stand now? Did you get your money back? Were you able to move out? Why are you still communicating with her?” Stranger0nReddit
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It doesn’t matter that you called the police but they couldn’t help.
You shouldn’t have known that before you called them you’re not a lawyer, and lots of people call them because of the most insane things like McD not having milkshakes. And your mother is an abusive jerk, someone should have called the police on her years ago.
Please forgive yourself sweetheart you’ve done nothing wrong. I’m so, so glad that you’re no longer living with her, she is pure poison and that voice in your head, telling you that you’re a bad daughter, a stupid little girl, that you’ll never be good enough… that some of the poison that’s messing with your head and the voice is wrong.
Any mother should be proud to have you as a daughter, you sound strong, kind, resourceful, intelligent and so much more. You deserve happiness, kindness, respect, empathy, to feel safe and loved. You are worthy of this, you are entitled to this.
I would really love to give you a big hug, because like so many others I’ve been where you are, and I know how very, very hard it is to keep your head up, to fight that stupid voice.
But it can get better I promise you, and no it’s not remotely fair that you have to fight and struggle, because she tortured you all your life.” Stuebirken
12. AITJ For Forcing My Daughter To Meet My Partner After My Wife's Death?
“My wife passed away a couple of years ago from breast cancer. She was the love of my life and it was the most devastating thing I’ve ever been through in my entire life. It took me a little while, but eventually, I learned to move on.
Went to therapy and all that jazz. Before you ask, I did put my daughter through therapy as well and it just simply never worked out for her so I stopped taking her there completely and decided it was best to work through it at home with the support of family and friends.
With that being said my daughter was and still is overly depressed over her mother’s death and because of that I refrained from introducing my partner to her. I met my partner around April of last year. She was a co-worker of mine and we got along very well so I eventually asked her out and things hit off ever since.
Fast forward several months later around February this year I told my daughter that I’ve been seeing someone and I’d like them to meet eventually. My daughter was visibly angry and told me she wasn’t interested in meeting her.
I backed off and gradually asked her a few more times here and there but she still wouldn’t budge. I had enough this time and decided to invite my partner over for dinner without letting my daughter know she was coming.
When my daughter came home from school and saw my partner sitting on the sofa she immediately ran up to her room and shut her door. I tried to make her get out and eat dinner with us but she wouldn’t come out of her room.
Eventually, I just told my partner it was best for her to leave.”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ for inviting your partner and surprising your daughter. But there is so much to unpack here. Your daughter is so young and grieving the loss of her mother, which is huge for her, especially at her age.
You really need to encourage therapy for her and not just stop because it wasn’t working. Perhaps that therapist wasn’t the right one, you need to encourage your daughter to speak to a different one. It sounds like you’re a jerk for your comment that ‘you’ve moved on through therapy and all that jazz.’ It’s great that you’ve been able to move forward and I’m glad you have been, but the needs of a teenager who lost her mother are completely different to a husband who lost his wife.
Please don’t push your daughter to meet your partner and especially DO NOT force it with surprise. Take this very slowly or you are going to lose your daughter.” BrightOrangeFlowers
Another User Comments:
“YTJ don’t force a new partner on your daughter, she lost her mum and is now seeing her dad move on, she might see that as replacing her mum or she might not be ready for that, which is totally ok!
Forcing her to meet your partner and ambushing her when she got home from school totally isn’t ok Just because you are ready to move on doesn’t mean your daughter is. She might never want to meet your partner or be involved with your partner, and that’s fine too just because you have a partner doesn’t mean your daughter needs to know her and get along with her.
YTJ YTJ YTJ. She told you she wasn’t ready and you forced it, if your daughter doesn’t want to meet your partner that’s fine! Don’t force your choices on your daughter, not to mention choices that greatly affect her life, a new partner is a big deal, let alone after the passing of a parent!” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“That wasn’t a good idea dude. I wish you would have come here and asked first so we could have told you not to do it. Did you think she was kidding when she told you she didn’t want to meet the lady?
Someone made a good point. One thing is she probably looks at your home as still her mother’s space so another woman there is not going to work. She is a young girl and there is no comparison to a kid losing their mother at a young age.
There is no time limit on grief and you can’t hurry it or force it. Any suggestions of making her or forcing her into counseling are no. You can’t make someone who doesn’t want it. I think you need to continue to give her time and support.
Do you have extended family like your relatives and your wife’s family are they around and involved? If so especially your wife’s family. Tell these people your daughter is having a rough time. Enlist their help. Maybe going over to see these relatives, talking about her mom, going through pictures, maybe your wife’s childhood things, and stuff like that.
Ask family to help with the understanding you can’t put a time limit but maybe being around them and talking about mom’s life and her favorite things a passions. Was there anything your wife was involved in that your daughter could maybe do something or make something in her memory?
Two years is nothing wrong for you seeing new people but with your daughter still in a fragile state I would not bring the lady there yet. I assume your daughter goes off to college? Is this her childhood home?
Eventually, maybe sell it and get something different. Be sure you have a room and space for your daughter to come home to as I assume she is the only child? All the best to you but talk to her and tell her you didn’t mean to force this.
Please reach out to family for help.” mcmurrml
11. AITJ For Trying To Repair My Relationship With My Fiancé's Kids Amidst A Messy Divorce?
“My fiancé has two children, but my relationship with them is complicated. When the kids thought their dad and I were just friends, they really liked me and we acted like a blended family. They’d even ask their dad about me.
But when they and their mom found out I was seeing their dad, they turned on me (mostly due to things their mom said). Their parents are in the process of a messy divorce, and they blame me for it even though they are divorcing because of problems that happened before I was in the picture.
There is a temporary custody agreement in place, but the kids refuse to speak to me or their father when they come on their days. I’ve been doing everything to rebuild our relationship – buying them gifts and the food they want, offering to go to fun places, and always being kind.
But they still don’t give me the time of day.
Their mom even texted me and said that the kids are begging me not to come over because they hate me so much, knowing that saying that would hurt me.
She also told me to stop trying to be in her kids’ lives because they don’t want me and is threatening to use this in court so my fiancé sees his kids less.
When I heard that, I cried. I really do love these kids.
But even outside of my feelings, I am their stepmom and I am pregnant with their sibling. Like it or not, I am going to be their family and I don’t want the kind of family that’s so disjointed. It’s not fair to anyone.
Their mom keeps saying that my being there is hurting them and that’s why she thinks I might be the jerk, but I think that avoiding the reality that I am here to stay will be more harmful in the long run.
AITJ for continuing to try and have a relationship with them?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. You aren’t the jerk for wanting a better relationship with them, but you and their father are huge, massive, gaping, bloody jerks for the way you’re handling everything.
The divorce should have been finalized before you got involved; otherwise, it’s just you being with a married man, and that guarantees his kids will hate you no matter what you do. You failed. The kids should be their father’s ONLY priority while going through a painful divorce.
Their mental well-being needs to be the only thing he cares about. Not himself. Not you. Nothing but his already-living children. If they don’t want to see you? You should leave when they’re with their father. By putting their mental well-being so low on his list of priorities, he is messing them up permanently (and so are you) and also giving his ex ammunition to use against him in court.
You also need to hit the brakes on marrying him. Doing it within 2+ years of the divorce being final will make things worse. You’re already introducing a new sibling they’re going to dislike (because they will feel like the baby, and you, are stealing their father’s time and attention).
His kids need you to back off while they deal with the, so far, worst thing that has ever happened to them. You being around is adding to their trauma. He also needs to get them in therapy immediately.” ProfPlumDidIt
Another User Comments:
“YTJ – I am going to provide some perspective that maybe you don’t get. You were introduced to the children as a friend. I bet you did fun things when you 1st met them. Bought them gifts, bonded, shared stories, and took them for ice cream.
You did all those things to make them believe that you were a trusted family friend. This man’s children were obviously going through a difficult time. Children are resilient yes but it doesn’t mean that there are no feelings for them to work through during this process it doesn’t always happen overnight.
All the while you were misrepresenting yourself and your intentions to be in their lives. You use manipulations. They have every right to hate or mistrust you. As for the relationship with their father, you really need to stay away and stay out of it.
You’ve already crossed the boundaries by lying and misrepresenting yourself. As for a relationship that these children might have with their sibling it’s very sad but it’s really not up to you. How you treat loved ones can have consequences and you’re reaping the consequences.
Unfortunately, now it’s really up to your husband-to-be. He needs to put back the family that he helped destroy and make room for the family that he’s about to have also….everyone but the kids are jerks in this story……Nothing tells your kids that you’re not abandoning them like going and starting a family with another woman lol.
The best part about this post is that you’re actually gonna marry this person.” Dalfina
Another User Comments:
“You aren’t their stepmom. Your “fiance” is still married. His children are surely still struggling to accept the fact that their parents are splitting up.
It’s too much to ask children to accept their dad’s partner when they are still processing their parents’ divorce, which for them is essentially the end of the life they have known. You need to back off and give this family space.
Stop forcing yourself and your relationship on them. Give them space to have their feelings and get settled into their new normal. You are being really presumptuous to expect them to just get over this major life event and accept you as a step-parent when he’s still married and his kids are still going through an emotional wringer.
YTJ.” joanclaytonesq
10. AITJ For Rejecting My High School Bully's Apology?
“I’m M19, this guy is M20, we went to high school together and I hadn’t spoken to him since he graduated. He bullied me throughout high school and that was the extent of our relationship.
He messaged me on Instagram to apologize for how he’d treated me then followed it by paragraphs upon paragraphs explaining everything that happened to him during those years.
I won’t go into detail but his home life was really tough and so he lashed out a lot. I can understand that on a basic level, I get how violence breeds violence and I think he was very vulnerable with me.
It also changes absolutely nothing about what my experience in high school was thanks to him and his previous apology felt hollow and weighed down by what I felt was an attempt to excuse his behavior.
So I was kind of mad and just wrote back “I really don’t care what the reason for you making my life difficult was, it doesn’t change anything.
Thanks for the apology I guess”
Spoke to a friend about it expecting to be agreed with but apparently I’m a jerk and could’ve just said thanks and moved on.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. As you said, it rings hollow when accompanied by so many excuses.
A simple “I was in a bad place, took it out on you and I know that’s not okay” would have been enough without trying to make you feel bad for him. He crossed the line from explanation to excuses.
I’ve had a couple of apologies from bullies. The best one I ever got was “I was terrible. I’m sorry and I’ll do better” followed by an actual change in behavior. (Oh, and this was from a 13 yo, so if someone that age can manage it….)” Terrie-25
Another User Comments:
“Sure, you could’ve thanked him and moved on. It would probably have done something for his journey towards being a better person. However, it’s obvious that you’re still on your journey to heal from your experiences with him.
If it were a hollow apology that did nothing for you there’s nothing there for you. You don’t get anything from it. There’s no universal ‘right answer’, only your own feelings. In life one needs to learn that not everything can be forgotten, forgiven, moved past, or repaired. Your feelings are the true right answer.
Accepting those whether they be forgiving or not is the most important. NTJ.” haveitgood
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Forgiveness needs to be freely given. He isn’t owed it, and you don’t have to give it. Even if the apology was 100% genuine, you don’t have to accept it.
But it wasn’t, from the sounds of it. An apology has a formula. Apologize, summarize your understanding of the pain you caused, offer a far briefer explanation of extenuating circumstances, and apologize again. If the hurt was especially bad, saying the words “I know none of that excuses what I did” can help.
An apology that is a form letter to many people, not personalized to the person you hurt, and which is 90% trauma dumping by way of excusing your own behavior is… not much of an apology. I probably would have rejected the apology and asked him to never contact me again to be honest.” Massive-Emergency-42
9. AITJ For Ordering Two Scoops Of Ice Cream When My Friend Was Paying?
“Last weekend after brunch, my friend and I wanted some ice cream, so we went to the shop.
She told me to order whatever I wanted, on her, and I ordered 2 scoops of ice cream with different flavors which turned out to be around $5. We paid and genuinely had a great time (or so I thought).
Later that day, she texted me and basically said I had no manners, and that I should learn to not order the most expensive items when someone was treating me (it wasn’t the most expensive, there were other items like three scoops of ice cream and milkshakes that were more expensive).
I was dumbfounded because (1) when I am treating someone, I usually let them order whichever items without telling them to hold back. (2) I was the one who treated her to sushi (brunch) that day, and she ordered more dishes than me since I’m just ok with raw fish, and the bill was more than $100, therefore I thought it was ok for me to order the two flavors ice cream I wanted.
I told her my points of view, but she told me that she didn’t eat as much as she wanted because I was paying, therefore I also shouldn’t. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, I’d text her back “You’re so right.
Let’s just agree to pay for what we ate then so we are on even footing. I’ll Venmo you $5 for the ice cream I ordered and you Venmo me the $ for what you ordered at sushi. That way we both pay for what we are and no one feels taken advantage of.
And in the future, we will always just pay our own way if we hang out again.” I have no doubt her multiple orders at a sushi restaurant will come out to more than $5.” Specialist_Point1980
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and this is not your friend. She just told you that your friendship isn’t worth five dollars. I would send a Venmo request for the sushi because that’s messed up. I lent a friend $200 bucks in 2004 – never saw it again.
I love that girl and she was there for me when I needed her. I cannot even imagine telling a friend they were selfish over five dollars, much less if they had treated me to that much sushi in the immediate past. This girl sounds drama-inducing and exhausting.
Do not send her the five dollars and find a new friend.” armywalrus
Another User Comments:
“I’m going to come out and say everything sucks and you’re NTJ. In any situation where generosity is given, it is best to read the room.
If someone is taking you out to lunch see what they order and you order something of equivalent price. Steak joint and gifter orders a $50 steak you can do the same. Steak joint and gifter orders a $13 burger you do the same.
Should friend have ordered excess sushi? No. Because you did not. Should you have ordered a double cone if friend did not? No. OP I wouldn’t feel guilty about anything and you need a new friend. Friend broke the gratuity covenant so for them to get upset is improper.” KrispyKreme725
8. AITJ For Preferring To Spend Time With My Autistic Brother Over My Dad?
“I (14F) have a younger brother (13M). He’s autistic. Our dad works twelve-hour days Monday through Saturday. Sunday is his only day off.
My brother spends the majority of the week with our mom, just kinda chilling with her.
He thrives on 1:1, so she does a lot of activities with him. Obviously, she wants to spend our dad’s one day off with him, though.
My brother and dad don’t get along. They’ve been to therapy separately, together, and we’ve been to family therapy, but nothing has fixed the issue.
He’s been the same since he was a toddler. So, on his days off, my brother prefers sitting away in his room all day.
It’s a vicious cycle because then Monday he’s grouchy and more prone to meltdowns.
For the past week, my dad has been off work completely. Our mom has been trying to incorporate my brother but he isn’t having any of it. He’s fine if Dad sits in silence, but that never happens.
Honestly, his constant talking grates on me too.
So for the past week-ish, I’ve been sitting with my brother, either in my room or his. My dad isn’t happy about this. I could tell he was getting annoyed.
Yesterday he asked me about it, kind of aggressive. I told him making my brother comfortable and preventing meltdowns was more important to me.
He made a comment about my brother being boring. Honestly, it sounds completely pathetic now I’m writing it down, but he’s never said anything like that before and I was pretty hurt on my brother’s behalf.
I told him my brother was vastly more entertaining than he is, and I’d rather spend time with him.
He was annoyed, obviously, and kinda huffed off. He’s been in a bad mood ever since. My mom is telling me to apologize, I told her I won’t until he apologizes to my brother, who heard what he said.
He hasn’t apologized, so I haven’t. In my mind, he’s the adult and should act as such.
I’m now not sure if I should just take that first step. I know he didn’t mean it, he just wants to spend time with me and all that.
I feel bad on both sides.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ I am honestly surprised by the amount of NTJs that are on this list. Judging by your own description your father is literally making every possible effort to reach out to the son.
He is going to individual counseling, family counseling, and counseling with the son to try and make the relationship better? You have described no forms of abuse or neglect. Your father is not a deadbeat missing father. He is at home and he is working a ridiculous amount just to support you and your family.
All he wants to do is spend time with his kids who he is working to support. Do you have any idea how heartbreaking it is when a parent slaves to support their children and then is rejected by them?
After the son has not responded to any of your father’s efforts to try and simply have a loving relationship you have turned around and stabbed him in the back as well. I don’t know why people think that a father should not have feelings, why he should be able to have infinite emotional strength to be stabbed in the back by the ones he loves the most, with without having any reaction.
You have described no ways in which your father has mistreated you or your brother you have described no ways in which he has done anything but try and be a good dad. Why do you hate him so much?” velocipede80
Another User Comments:
“ESH. So your brother has hated your dad since he was a toddler, for seemingly no reason, and none of the numerous attempts made by your dad to repair the relationship through therapy have been successful.
That’s gotta be heartbreaking for him. And his daughter’s chief complaint is that he “talks too much”. Well, yeah, I’m sure. He’s working 84 hours a week. He’s barely home, he’s probably trying to catch up with you guys as much as he can, and working that much is exhausting.
It’s exhausting to be “on” all day and not be able to really be yourself. So maybe he’s a little over the top while he’s home, ok and? Honestly unless there’s stuff going on that you didn’t share in your post, like that your dad is abusive or neglectful or dismissive, he sounds like he works a lot, makes every effort to engage with his family while he’s home, and his children reject him.
He had an immature and emotional reaction to that, and he should apologize, but I think you’re being entirely too hard on your dad.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I am worried that you’re looking after your brother in a parental way, if you’re okay with doing that then it’s okay, if not talk to your mum about that.
Clearly, your dad has never connected with your brother. It happens, it’s terrible. He’s being a terrible father by treating him differently and making his son uncomfortable to be around him. That’s something that your mum needs to address with him.
The comment about your brother being boring is wrong, out of line, and downright rude. I believe your dad has a stigma about people with autism, otherwise, I cannot understand why he’d start to treat him differently because of his autism (for those who don’t know, autism is mostly diagnosed when kids are toddlers because it’s very noticeable at that age( if you’re lucky)).
Don’t back down. Bring this up with your mum. This isn’t something divorce-worthy, but maybe when your dad is off work find activities to do with your brother that make him feel more comfortable when your dad is home (I have no clue what your brother likes to do but something that could get him out of the house and improve his mood if that’s possible or in the backyard).
Try to make those days comfortable for him and stress-free. Obviously doing this is a big commitment and something your parents should be doing. If you’re okay with being his parent (in this situation you will be) then this is the best advice I can give you.
I’m proud of you OP for sticking up for your brother. You’re an amazing sibling. I wish I could give you a high five, you deserve it.” catch-365
7. AITJ For Not Wanting To Share An Airbnb With My Husband's Family On Vacation?
“I don’t have any problems with my husband’s family (in this case it would be his sister, her husband, their 3 kids, and his mom).
So my husband and his brother-in-law are going to do a week-long class in Florida in the summer to open a business together.
So we decided it would be a good idea to make a vacation out of it. The issue is because of the number of people we’d have to get a house with a minimum of 3-4 bedrooms. The price is coming out to around $3k for the week.
However, if we split it between 3 (me and my husband 2. My mil and 3. My sil and her family) it’s coming up to $1k each. So it’s coming out to be super expensive just for my husband and me.
Meanwhile, I found an Airbnb of an apartment that would be great just for my husband and me and it’s coming out to $600 for the week. Not to mention my SIL’s husband wants to probably bring a friend and his family which means we’d have to get an even bigger house which means more $$$.
I feel in my opinion (could be arrogant of me) it’s unfair that a couple of 2 has to pay the same price as a family of 5. Like that it’s split evenly even though they are more people and require more than 1 room.
I was debating on seeing if we could split the amount per person but I don’t think my sil would appreciate it because it would be more expensive. Not to mention they want to go by car which would be 26 hours by car (I get car sick and can’t stand car rides) and my husband and I would fly (quicker and less sickening).
Am I being dramatic? My husband doesn’t disagree with me but he thinks it could cause an issue with my SIL since it’s going to be more for her. What should I do? I’m almost setting up a separate place for us because of the price.
Any suggestions? Please help a girl out I feel confused. Maybe I’m just causing a big deal out of nothing.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – I get what you say about the money, but taking your own Airbnb might be strange and could cause some wedge as it is a family vacation, but I think payment by person makes sense, in a hotel SIL’s family would have to pay for 5 anyway!
The reason you use Airbnb is to be in the same place so you can be together supposedly as a family, they are still a family of 5 and you 2 and MIL 1, how would be fair that 5 people pay 1000, as 2 persons or 1?
Payment by person is reasonable, especially if SIL’s husband brings friends!” CrazyMath2022
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. The standard way to split Airbnb rentals is by the room. Divide costs by bedroom, so everyone pays for the space they need. If SIL needs two rooms she pays for two, and any other invited guests should expect to pay for the room they need or have those rooms paid for by the person inviting them.
It’s not your job to subsidize others’ vacation accommodation.” cawatxcamt
Another User Comments:
“Absolutely NTJ. If it’s cheaper on y’all, I say go for it. Not just that but they want to bring an extra person? That’s not something I would be ok with.
Not just that but I can already see some sort of situation arising where you and your husband would be made to be babysitters (“Hey, we wanna go out with our friend, would you mind babysitting?”) And I’m not sorry, but you’re not on vacay to watch someone else’s kids.
Not just that but at the end of the day, the last thing I would want to do is be in a house full of people, I would want to be somewhere quiet and wind down, and potentially have some nights to just me and my husband to do what we want and not be around everyone else the whole time.” atomicaly0129
6. AITJ For Refusing To Change My Late Wife's Last Name After My Engagement?
“10 years ago I lost my wife. After losing her I quit my job and spent almost a year secluding myself until my in-laws stepped in and helped me get back on my feet. This was just the most prominent of a million other things I am super grateful to them for.
2 years ago I went on my first date since my late wife.
That is when I met my now former fiancé. I was upfront with him every step of the way about my deceased wife, I made it clear that some part of me will always love her, but that in no way lessens my love for him.
Initially, he was hesitant, but he eventually accepted it and we moved on. Last month he asked me to marry him and I accepted.
Here is where the issue comes in: when I married my late wife, I took her last name, because she and her family were the first real family I ever had.
I planned on keeping my last name not just for her, but for everything her family has done for me.
My fiancé however assumed I would take his name, and when I told him otherwise he said he would like to share a last name.
I told him I would consider hyphenating, but I wouldn’t fully change my last name as it would be ignoring what she and her family mean to me. He said he would’ve been fine with hyphenating if I was going to use my maiden name instead.
All our mutual friends sided with him, and I was called a myriad of names including a jerk. Frankly, I think what I did was fine, and he was just insecure. So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ I’m sorry about your late wife, especially since it sounds like you lost her quite young.
Regardless of how you got it, it’s your name, and the decision to change it or not belongs entirely to you. Anyone seeing someone who has been widowed needs to be prepared for the reality that, to some extent, the late spouse will be part of their partner’s life.
If a person cannot accept that, they shouldn’t go out with a widow, just like people who don’t want to engage much with kids shouldn’t see people who have children.” rapt2right
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here.
Your ex-fiancé wants a full commitment, and you’re not ready to give him that because you’re still hung up on a prior commitment. When you’re done grieving your previous relationship and are ready to leave it behind, then maybe you’ll be ready to be married again.
In the meantime, it’s better for your ex-fiancé to keep searching for someone who’s ready to give him the commitment that he wants. This isn’t a matter of him being insecure. After all, it’s not like you’re ever getting back together with your deceased wife.
This is a matter of you demonstrating that you’re still too invested in your prior relationship to give this one your all. There’s nothing wrong with either of your actions. You both feel how you feel, and that’s OK.” SomeoneYouDontKnow70
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. Although you may have been making it worse by referring to it as your late wife’s name. As you say, her family became your family. It is your family name, and you see it the same way as many unmarried women might see their maiden name.
Plenty of them keep or hyphenate their maiden name to keep that link to their family. He may not have been as against it if it was that you were protecting as opposed to your first marriage (there’s a big difference between allowing someone to keep space for a lost partner and allowing them to put them above you in a way that will be obvious to everyone every time someone needs to be corrected on the “Mrs. X” assumption).
It is hard to be in competition with someone who can never mess up or be viewed with anything but wistful longing, and wanting to ‘win’ this one is understandable on his side, but you’re not obligated to give up the name link you value just to satisfy that, especially if the hyphenation compromise isn’t enough for him.
Sucks, but it’s a compatibility issue.” GojuSuzi
5. AITJ For Waking Up 15 Minutes Earlier, Causing My Roommate To Move Out?
“In March I was looking for a place to rent and my former co-worker published a story on Instagram that he and his female roommate were looking for a third roommate.
A little info about the apartment: there are two isolated rooms and one in a common area between the kitchen and my now room. He used to live in my room but they needed a roommate ASAP so he himself suggested I take the isolated room.
There’s no door between the kitchen and the common area.
We have pretty different work schedules and rarely see each other, plus I spend the weekends at my partner’s.
A year before moving in he has told me about how he’s a light sleeper and wakes up from literally everything.
I never paid a lot of attention to it as I thought I was a light sleeper myself. But compared to him I’m not.
Yesterday he entered our roommate’s chat saying he’s decided to move out as he doesn’t get much sleep and it’s taking a toll on him.
Here’s where I think I might be a jerk.
I work 5/2, waking up at 6:45 am when I’m going to the office (Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday). He works 3/3, waking up at 7:00 am for work. We had a conversation about it, he said he wakes up at 7:00 and goes straight to shower.
I can’t start getting ready for work before I go to shower: you know makeup, styling the hair, getting dressed. So that’s why I decided to set my alarm 15 earlier than usual so I would be able to get ready on time.
Apparently, these 15 minutes are what makes him not get enough sleep which sounds like complete nonsense to me. I mean, yeah, it sucks to wake up 15 minutes earlier than usual but you could go to sleep earlier then?
So am I the jerk for getting up 15 minutes earlier and making my roommate not get enough sleep resulting in him moving out?
P.S. It might be worth mentioning that I never even leave my room after 10 pm, sometimes even earlier.
Always use my headphones while watching something. Unlike him. He never uses his headphones and has his friends over all the time. Most of the time even past 11 pm. Which is usually totally fine. If I’m not asleep, I’m in my headphones and don’t hear a thing.
If I try to sleep I use my pillow to cover the ears.”
Another User Comments:
“I agree, losing 15 minutes of sleep in the morning is not going to make him “not get enough sleep.” And anyway, roommates have to accept that people have different work schedules.
If you had to be in the office at 7:30, you wouldn’t be the jerk for waking up before 7:00 either. As long as you’re not continuously hitting snooze, NTJ.” SamSpayedPI
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – his choices, his consequences.
It’s not like he discovered he was a light sleeper before you moved in… it was his choice to offer you the isolated room. He’s making the right move to move out. The adult move. He doesn’t want to go to bed earlier, and he’s not completely making that everyone else’s problem.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I was expecting the revelation that he works really late and you have to be up hours before he would wake up. (Still would be NTJ because you have to go to work.) But 15 minutes earlier than him?
And 15 minutes so you’re done in the bathroom before he gets up to get ready! NTJ. Either he is extremely ridiculous or he feels like he needs to give a reason to move out and concocted this.” CemeteryDweller7719
4. AITJ For Lowering The TV Volume With A Remote App Because It Disturbs My Sleep?
“My (15F) dad watches TV at night in our living room.
He does it pretty often, and he keeps the volume high enough that it bothers me when I try to sleep. I always ask him to lower the volume, he gets mad and lowers it eventually. Then when I’m back in my room (our house is not that big, so I can hear the noises from the TV clearly) I find that I can still hear it because he brought it back up again.
Asking him was turning into a chore and I just accepted it at some point and only slept after he would leave to bed. But after my little brother also complained, I realized that I wanted him to be asleep comfortably and didn’t want him to be disturbed. So what I did was I downloaded a TV remote app on my phone today, and somehow it worked and I just lowered the volume.
Somehow my mom figured out it was me and got extremely mad and said I was cruel because this is the only time my dad gets to relax after he gets back from work. She called me inconsiderate and told me I better stop.
I feel a bit guilty now. AITJ? I even had a talk with him but he just gets annoyed and ignores me.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Next time you can’t sleep because of your dad’s TV, go to your mom rather than messing with him.
Just instantly, “I cannot sleep, dad hasn’t changed it, can you ask him to turn it down please or can I sleep in your room since you can hear it less!?” Can pretty much guarantee your dad will stop having this mistake.
Your mom might be irritable but by making it her problem to solve it will most likely be more successful than going straight to dad.” erraticjudgment
Another User Comments:
“As one who lives with someone hard of hearing, no, you’re NTJ.
His hard work does not give him the right to inconvenience and possibly cause health problems for everyone. He can watch with close captions or subtitles. He can figure out a way to use headphones. (I do both at times so others don’t have to listen to what I am watching; it’s called courtesy.) He can get hearing aids.
Or he can soundproof your rooms. That being said, you were caught out and have to stop now. I think you will have to start wearing headphones yourself. You get used to sleeping with them fairly quickly, at least I did.” WokeJabber
Another User Comments:
“Mild ESH. Stuff like this is rarely about the TV. It’s a sign of more general dysfunction in your home. No, you shouldn’t be turning down the TV (clever though!) No, your Mom shouldn’t be accusing you of being “cruel” over TV volume.
And No, your Dad shouldn’t be blasting the TV while the kids are trying to sleep. But this is the hill everyone’s going to battle on. You’re 15, you’ve got limited opportunity to solve this. But if the TV’s really loud, I think you could ask your dad whether maybe it’s time for a hearing test, or talk to your folks about whether the TV could be moved, or whether he could use headphones in the evening.
But do everything you can to avoid this becoming more drama than it already is.” cjack68
3. AITJ For Choosing My Dog Over My Partner Who Hates Animals?
“My partner (32) of 4 months hates dogs or animals of any kind. I (28 f) have a 2 year Jack Russell, Brandy. She’s the sweetest thing. She just wants cuddles and walks.
When I brought my partner over to my place, Brandy started growling and barking at him.
I’ve never seen her act like that before. She doesn’t react to the mailman. My partner wants me to re-home her or he’s out.
I said it’s not happening, Brandy was here first. He should try to work with her.
Like, give her a treat or something. He told me he’s not touching a smelly dog. We got into a heated fight and Brandy got between us and barked at him quite viciously. He left, saying my dog needs to be put down.
I tried to apologize by texting and calling him. He sort of ghosted me. Am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“Trust your dog. Also, when you adopted your pup, you made an unspoken agreement with her. You would take care of and protect her, and she would be your dog.
Win-win. If you were unable to care for her, that would be one thing. But we’re talking about a 4-month relationship with an animal-hating (who hates animals??) person. Dude’s making demands he’s got no right to make.
If you rehome Brandy, and when he makes the next unreasonable demand, even if you wake up then and realize he’s a jerk, you won’t be able to get her back. If you kick him to the curb, you still get cuddles with Brandy.
You would be the jerk if you did this to this sweet girl. I think you know that. You deserve better, and I think you know that too.” PoppyTheDestroyer
Another User Comments:
“You’re not the jerk but you would be if you got rid of it.
Get rid of the partner, dogs have good intuition, and clearly something’s wrong with this man (if his hate for your dog didn’t already make that clear.)
Edit: somehow missed the part where he said your dog should be put down.
And then YOU tried to call and apologize???? You’re heading to jerk territory why the heck would you apologize? I can’t tell you how many stories I’ve heard of people with dogs who generally loved people, only reacting negatively to one person.
That one person always ends up being a jerk, even if the humans don’t figure it out till later. Trust the freaking dog.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I was not a fan of dogs due to being bitten as a kid.
And I was deathly afraid of dogs on top of not wanting one. Then I met my now wife who loves dogs. She actually taught me so much about them that I am no longer afraid of them and have no problem even around strange dogs because I now know what to do and not to do.
We are both proponents that you do not rehome a pet. You made a commitment when you got it and you should live up to it. Why would you get rid of a dog you love for a guy who may or may not be there next week?
If he is already making these comments and demands you need to move on from him. If he truly loved you then he wouldn’t tell you to get rid of the dog or put it down.” Sledge313
2. AITJ For Confronting My Business Partner's Wife About Her Disruptive Behavior?
“I am the Godfather to my business partner’s daughter. She is lovely and we spend a stupid amount of time together. I am also very close to his wife.
His wife is not time conscious which leads to problems for everyone. She constantly complains about money but actively works against us making it. She will get my goddaughter out of daycare because she misses her, but by 11 am she will want yoga or cycling class.
This wouldn’t be a problem but she will bring my goddaughter to our office and then say she will be right back. Before we can protest she is out the door. She doesn’t answer the phone.
We aren’t allowed to take her back to daycare after she leaves. So we have a toddler in our office which means one of us isn’t working.
So I had enough of this and bought a car seat and the last time she did it, I took her daughter to yoga and walked in and stood her in front of her mat.
She jumped up and asked what was wrong. I said she was. She then called me a selfish jerk for not wanting to help with my goddaughter for 3-4 hours. I called her a jerk for taking her out of daycare in the first place.
The problem is that a lot of people’s wives were in that class and are calling me a jerk for not giving her a break. Which doesn’t make sense to me, but makes me wonder if there is something I’m not seeing.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“She needs a shrink. OP has said several times this is not her normal behavior and he’s known her for years. It sounds almost like some form of manic behavior the way none of her thoughts and actions hang together with any consistency.
She quits her job to hang with her kid, then gets a nanny to hang with kiddo instead. She pulls kiddo out of daycare, and then wants to do her own stuff instead. She can’t keep a straight, cohesive plan for the course of a day.
She confuses her own wants, needs, and responsibilities and doesn’t recognize those things in other people, ie OP, her husband, and her daughter. I don’t know what the root cause would be but that all sounds like manic behavior to me, or a form of anxiety.
Or both.
I’m not a mental health pro at all, just speaking from personal experience. But the more I think about it….she might be reacting to anxiety triggers. Sleeping in instead of taking care of her daughter because it feels like too much, then guilt/separation anxiety so she gets her from daycare, then once again it’s too much to handle so she needs to relax with yoga or something else.
Anxiety makes lots of things feel essential in the short term as a means of trying to alleviate that anxiety, no matter what the ramifications are to yourself or others. It’s also really tough to explain your behaviors and thoughts to others because when you say them out loud, it suddenly doesn’t make sense to you either, which is scary and embarrassing and….yep….induces anxiety.” RudytheSquirrel
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. This sounds like such a toxic work environment. You’re literally wasting hours every day that you could spend actually working which is insane. What about the rest of the employees working there having to put up with a toddler running around the office and seeing two partners wasting valuable time on a kid instead of doing their job.
Good luck with morale. Refuse to take care of her and let her dad figure that stuff out. No one in that office is responsible for his own child other than himself. I don’t care if you’re the godparent.
Thinking you’re responsible for her and taking her off his hand so he could do his meetings is enabling him to not try his hardest to find a solution other than talking to a wife who won’t listen to him.
I don’t even know why you’re this involved frankly. Suggest divorce and talk with him after work sure but I can’t believe you thought you had to buy a car seat to transport his own child to his wife during working hours.” cocosnut
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your business partner needs to have a talk with her. This is really not your problem to solve. But it sounds like the wife is struggling with whatever her role in the world is.
Husband is out working on a business, doesn’t sound like she works, but instead of caring for the kid, they have her in daycare. That’s fine if you have the means to do it, but then she’s feeling useless/lonely so pulls her out of care until she realizes how much attention toddlers need. It’s perfectly normal to miss your child.
I would occasionally leave work early to get my daughter out and take her to a park or something. But you can’t then decide you’re tired of caring for them and drop them off with the person who’s working.” wittiestphrase
1. AITJ For Reporting My Late Husband's Colleague After He Sent Inappropriate Texts?
“My husband (33) passed away 3 weeks ago. He used to work for this company for 4 years. He’d known lots of people and made many friends.
For days I kept getting texts from his colleague “Ted”. I don’t know him personally I had no idea how he even got my number.
When he first texted me I texted “Where did you get my number?” And he replied saying he got it from my husband. At first, I felt annoyed but then I started getting flirty texts from him. They started getting more and more inappropriate, I warned him to stop but he sent me an unsolicited picture one night at 3 am and asked if I “needed company” since he “knew I was lonely”.
I was appalled and enraged I couldn’t even sleep at night. I waited til the early morning to go to the company, straight to his boss, and filed a report against him after explaining in detail about his behavior.
He ended up getting fired because the other colleagues said he did my husband and me wrong and disrespected his memory.
He started arguing about how low what I did was coming to his work in hopes of ruining his livelihood.
He kept saying it was between him and me and his workplace had nothing to do with it but I told him I’ve known him only as my husband’s colleague and he was his colleague. He and a friend of his said that I was aiming to get him fired and that he “did nothing” wrong and I could’ve talked it out with him instead.
My mom called him a jerk for doing this to my husband and me but also said that he had a point in that I shouldn’t come after his livelihood since the guy has a kid to provide for.
I felt bad about the whole thing and now I feel like I made things worse and acted out of emotions.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. He messed around and found out. The fact you are the widow of his late work colleague makes this absolutely a work issue.
He disrespected and harassed you. If he didn’t want to lose his job, all he had to do was not harass you; literally that’s all he had to do. He wanted you to deal with him without going to his work, cause then he would face no consequences; he was already not listening when you said stop, and generally, cops won’t do anything unless it’s immediately threatening.
Going to his work was the only way he was going to learn. You absolutely did the right thing.” Romantic_AroAce
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. As someone who has lost a partner and experienced something similar immediately after, this is wildly inappropriate.
Not everyone will understand where you are coming from, but they don’t have to. Our brains are so foggy after losing our person that we sometimes forget that we can do things like block, ignore, etc. I remember misreading things as people just offering condolences and finding myself in situations that were very uncomfortable.
That was not my fault. Some people prey on widows; that’s their problem. We can hardly keep track of what day or month it is; why would it be our responsibility to stop or curb their behavior? You know what he did was wrong.
You reported it. If anyone is the jerk here, it’s Ted.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“Oh lord, why do women make other women who are victims somehow responsible for their assailants’ own families? That disrespectful man chose to have a child, and it’s up to him and him alone to hold on to his job and be able to provide for that child.
Tell your mom if you can that HE chose to behave in a way that cost him his livelihood and if you hadn’t done it, he would have gone on preying on vulnerable women. I guarantee you are not his first victim, and I guarantee that you have now laid the groundwork for his next victim to have the means to stop him from assaulting the next prey he spots.
And I’m sure he was fired because this was the last straw in years of behavior that people tolerated but hated him for doing, disrespecting women, flirting with their wives and partners, etc. He did this to himself, and anyone who says otherwise is giving him permission to do what he did to you.
NTJ, not at all, but a portrait in courage who I’m sure stands up for other women when they’re being attacked like you were.” cadaloz1
