People Dwell On Their Embarrassing "Am I A Jerk?" Stories
23. AITJ For Telling My Cleaner She Can't Bring Her Son To Work?
“So, this is one of those situations where I can’t really see much wrong with what I did, but hoping some of you guys can educate me in case I didn’t approach the situation correctly.
We have (had, I guess?) a great cleaner, the best cleaner we’ve ever had. She’s been coming to our apartment for roughly 3 months, once a week for 5 hours. She does her work, we pay her, and she leaves. Very few discussions.
She likes to listen to her music whilst working, and my partner and I work from home, so we are on calls or busy in general the whole day.
Last week, 20 minutes before she was meant to arrive at ours, she sent me a text message saying her sitter canceled at the last minute, and that she would be coming with her son.
She didn’t ask if she could, she just said ‘Coming with him’.
Our apartment isn’t very large, it’s open plan, with only 1 office space. I usually work from the living room, and my partner from the office area, switching around depending on where the cleaner is currently cleaning.
So, I replied to her, mentioning that we had a lot of calls that day, that there was no way her son could come with her (on such short notice), and that I understood her situation.
Her son finished school last week (not sure if primary school or just a certain grade) but she was happy about it the week prior and told that she’s looking to spend more time together with her son over the summer, so I responded to her saying I am more than happy for her to take these 5 hours and spend them with her son and that I would obviously still pay her for her time; that it’s a treat for her son to celebrate finishing school (I was going to give her some extra cash for her son at the end of her shift anyways)
She replied saying she didn’t want our money, and that she went to another house to clean as it’s otherwise a waste of her time… I tried to ask her if we are still on for the same time next week and that from the following week I could organize the home a bit better so that if she ever needed to bring her son again, he could come with no issues (I could move my calls to another day so I could work from the bed, or find some other ways of arranging our work space)
She didn’t respond for a few days, and then when I went to message her just now to confirm if she can come, she responded saying that she’s sorry but she can’t/won’t return to work for us.
So, I’m looking for any way in which I could have come across as a jerk which would explain her not wanting to return to work for us.
Some thoughts I had were:
1. She felt like a charity case because I wanted to pay her without letting her work
2. She didn’t like being told no to
3. She misunderstood something I said completely.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. As a parent, I get it but I also get that just because I am responsible for my child doesn’t mean I get to impose that upon others.
This is her work, not summer camp.” Portie_lover
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You offered to give her money for no work and she declined it?! I might be a little offended that you assume the mere presence of my child will render your home unable to get work done in, but any annoyance I felt would be evaporated once you offered to still pay me.
and it is YOUR home and work so you get to make that call. She got her feelings hurt a little and can’t see the forest for the trees.” estoops
22. AITJ For Defending My Brother-In-Law's Proposal At Another Brother-In-Law's Wedding?
“Over a year ago my husband and I got married. Toward the end of my reception, my husband’s brother proposed to his partner.
I was a little irritated because he didn’t ask my husband or me beforehand if it was ok, but overall, it was the very end of my reception, so I didn’t say anything and let them have their moment. She said yes, and my husband’s family celebrated it for a bit before we all said our goodbyes and headed home.
Fast forward to a couple of weeks ago, my husband’s brother had his wedding, the reception happened and everything was going great until about an hour and a half in. I and the new bride were talking and my husband’s youngest brother comes up to us and asks the bride if he can propose to his partner.
She said absolutely, seeing as the same thing happened at my wedding, it’s like a brotherly tradition. About 20ish minutes later he got on one knee and popped the question. She said yes, then suddenly the new husband came over and started yelling at his brother, stuff like “How could you”, “This day isn’t about you”, and overall causing a scene.
The two of us rush over and tried to explain. The new wife told him that she gave her blessing but he didn’t seem to care at all, still angry.
Then I said, “You have no room to talk, as you proposed at MY wedding, without asking me or your brother.” His response was “That doesn’t count as it was my husband’s second wedding, so it doesn’t matter as much”.
His brother’s comment cut pretty deep, he got married to someone who told him she was pregnant but turned out she never was. I responded in a way I now regret, “So you want your younger brother to wait till you get married again to propose?” I didn’t mean it but I certainly see how it comes off, I was just angry that he would say that, my brother-in-law I think saw my point, but walked away seemingly still angry.
The bride was visually upset and that’s when I realized what I said and immediately started apologizing. She told me she understood why I said it, and that her husband was being a bit overboard, but after we all went home, my husband’s family, including his brother (older one) were saying I was a jerk for defending “bad behavior”.
I received a text from his youngest brother, thanking me for standing up for him, and that a lot of the family is mad at him too. I kept apologizing to the bride and she seems fine now, but can’t know for sure what damage my comment did, and that sucks.
I am genuinely sorry about my comment, it just angered me off when he said he thought my wedding was less important than his. So, do you guys think I’m the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“You made a jerk-ish comment but the middle brother is the true Jerk.
1) he started a stupid tradition 2) he’s a hypocrite 3) he devalued your big with the 2nd wedding comment. I hope your new SIL forgives you.” anti_hero_123
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Not at all. The brother who proposed at your wedding is a hypocrite and he insulted you and your wedding.
Your comment back was perfect. Snarky but perfect. I wish I was that witty as quickly. The SIL should not be offended. If she is mad at anyone, it should be at her own husband for creating drama at their wedding.
She consented to the proposal. He should have just shut up at that point but didn’t. Let it go. The sil got over, if her husband doesn’t, that’s his problem. Seriously, he made such a rude comment to you about your wedding so deserved what he got.” Msmediator
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. The one comment was a little bad but the bride was okay with it so it is what it is. Middle brother sounds like a horrible hypocrite.” SpaceDuckz1984
21. AITJ For My Brother Pulling A Guest Into The Pool At Our Anniversary Celebration?
“I planned a trip to a popular music festival with many close friends and family to celebrate a milestone wedding anniversary for my wife and I. For context, this is a child-free trip and the event itself lasts a few days in a day club/ pool party setting.
On the first day a bunch of us head to the pool to hang out and drink while we wait for others to arrive throughout the day. The vibe was playful with a lot of excitement, nothing abnormal from the start to most vacations.
I texted people as they arrived to meet us at the pool after getting settled. I sent everyone a warning that my brother is making a splash and has come fully loaded with pool toys and the chance of them staying dry will be nearly impossible.
At that point, people were sending videos in the group chat in hopes they’d hurry to join.
My college friend, “A” and her new partner, “V” show up to the pool not too long after. At some point, without meeting the girl, my brother pulls a fully clothed V into the pool while she is sitting on the ledge.
She understandably didn’t take it well and my brother immediately apologized. They head back to their room, my tipsy brother feels super bad and asks me to check in with A to make sure V is okay. I send a text to thank them for coming along with a strongly worded apology to express my regret and embarrassment.
A’s response is a bit distant and explains that she’s dealing with damage control. I’m a bit confused by this and wasn’t sure what else could be done in addition to a sincere apology?
Fast forward a couple of hours, my wife decides to be a good host and talk directly to V before dinner.
She apologizes on my brother’s behalf and emphasizes that she hopes she can find a way to move forward and enjoy the trip. With no luck, my wife suggested I text her myself since she’s a guest of my friend.
My text has a similar tune to the one I sent A earlier. She responds with a text the length of this post and basically tells me that my brother is a POS and that my wife is also a POS because she tried to “minimize” her feelings by encouraging her to accept all of our apologies.
In all caps, she continues listing hypotheticals (what if I didn’t know how to swim, what if I had my phone on me etc.), sends a picture of a small/healing scratch on her arm from the incident(?), says that she came on the trip to celebrate her birthday (this was news to me) and that she & A will not be attending the event with us or other festivities we had planned for the group.
To be clear, I understand her initial reasoning and wish it hadn’t happened. I totally get that pools can be dangerous and it could’ve resulted in something much worse. However, I don’t think the situation followed by apologies warranted her reaction.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ for not understanding how awful it is to have some dude you don’t know manhandle you, throw you into a pool – it’s traumatizing af. You’re all downplaying it because you know him.
What if a strange tipsy man had done the same thing to your wife? You’re being unsympathetic.” JenninMiami
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but your brother is. I’ve been at pool parties where some jerk tossed people in the pool and it’s obnoxious.
I’ve seen people get bruised, choke on water, or get their cell phones soaked. Your brother is a jerk and needs to stop his foolish behavior before someone gets hurt. As for V, she has every reason to be angry, but you’ve apologized, and it’s up to her to decide whether or not to accept it.
Enjoy the party.” MysticYoYo
20. AITJ For Cutting Off My Friends After Their Disrespectful Behavior At My House?
“My friends and I have known each other since primary school.
We all kept in touch and formed a strong friendship, but recently it’s starting to seem like our friendship is falling apart. It all started when I moved out of state to a better home/neighborhood. I invited the whole friend group down once I got settled in and two friends, we will call Jack and Tyler, flew out to see me.
We had a blast the first day at my place and we ended the night with some swimming in my pool. Once we got out, we went upstairs to shower from the pool. I told both of them to put away their towels once they were done showering and that they could hang them up on the door or throw them in the laundry.
We all jumped in the shower, with me finishing last.
I get dressed and open my bedroom door to find Tyler and Jack playing smash bros in the upstairs living room with Tyler’s towel right in front of my feet on the floor, still soaking wet.
I yell at both of them and demand to know who put the towel there. They both wouldn’t take responsibility and blamed it on each other. I end up picking the towel up and throwing it in the laundry.
For context, the bathroom Jack used was right across from the laundry room, so you can imagine my horror when I saw all his clothes scattered in the bathroom and another towel lying on the floor. I clean it all up myself and then decide to head to Tyler’s bathroom to see if he had done the same thing.
When I entered, not only was the bathroom worse than Jack’s but he had left his pee sitting right in the toilet bowl. I was ready to blow a fuse, but I didn’t say anything as they had three more days left at my place.
I cleaned up Tyler’s bathroom and then got ready for bed. After that I occasionally checked Tyler’s bathroom since he left pee sitting in the bowl from the first night, I found that he did the same thing 5 times at my place.
5 times he peed and did not flush, with the bathroom smelling like urine. And on top of it all, they never thanked me for anything. I know this may seem a little petty but I was raised to always thank others when something was done for me.
I took them out to breakfast, lunch, and dinner, cooked for them, and even took them to the movies, yet I never received even one small thank you.
Since then I have started to cut them out of my life.
I will ignore calls, not respond to texts, and even make up excuses to not go down and see them. My partner told me I’m being an equal jerk to them by ignoring them, refusing to go and see them, and making up excuses so they don’t bother me.
She thinks I should confront them and make up. AITJ for refusing to forgive my friends?”
Another User Comments:
“It all depends on how much you value them as friends. Ghosting someone is not nice and just wastes everyone’s time as no contact means the friendship will die anyway… why not just say your peace and be done with it if you’ve decided the friendship is over.
Also, how can you expect them to live by your standards at your house if you didn’t lay them out. Granted I believe people should be the best versions of themselves when at someone else’s house as just being common sense… but common sense isn’t so common now.” TwistedPanda23
Another User Comments:
“ESH. Oh, the ‘horror’ of a towel on the ground. Whatever shall we do! I have to fan myself at the mere thought of it! I think not flushing pee is gross, but a lot of people do that to save water, so what you thought was nasty may be normal in their home.
They should have been better guests, and you should have communicated your expectations in a way that didn’t involve yelling at them. Ignoring them is pretty immature. If you care about their friendship, then apologize for yelling and for ignoring them, but also calmly explain that you felt disrespected by some of the things they did.
If you don’t care about the friendship, then tell them the friendship has run its course or gradually phase out of their lives.” ChonkButt510
19. AITJ For Keeping My Nibling's Teenage Drama Confidential From Their Mother?
“I have 4 niblings, the oldest is 14 and is the subject of this post.
My niblings can always come to me if they need to talk or for anything no matter what. The 14-year-old texted me asking if they could come over after school today and I said sure as long as they let their Mum know which is the standard.
(Important info; while my exSIL and Brother are divorced I maintain a good relationship with her as my nibling’s mother. Eldest nibling lives with exSIL primarily)
They come over and they’re not their usual self but I don’t push letting them take their time and after a while they ask if they can tell me something and keep it a secret from their Mum.
I say as long as what they tell me isn’t something that is dangerous to them or someone else then yes I’ll keep it between us. It’s the same thing I always tell them and I mean it.
They tell me the issue and basically teenage drama is the issue.
We all remember 14. There’s a lot of backstory and I don’t want to give specific details due to my promise but a lot of fighting, nasty gossip, and petty behavior all around. We talked about it and I reassured them that it’s OK and all part of being a teenager and I’ve been there.
They cheered up, we talked some more and then we watched a movie until my partner came home from work and took them home (I can’t drive anymore due to health issues)After my partner got home from dropping them off and we had dinner my exSIL called and asked what we talked about as nibling had said I helped them with “stuff”, I said I was told in confidence and I wouldn’t break that except for the reasons stated above.
She got angry and said that didn’t apply to her as she was their mother and had a right to know. I said that if kiddo wanted them to know they would tell them and she got even angrier and demanded I tell her as she’s their mother and what would a “freaking selfish cripple know about raising children” and I said no again and that I was hanging up as she had no right to swear at me.
I hung up and she’s been blasting my phone with texts demanding I tell her. I’m ignoring her but checking in with nibling, they’re OK but sad that their Mum is being awful to me.
My partner is on my side but I’ve had other people in my life say I should have told her if it wasn’t a big deal and I’m not a parent so I don’t get it.
My brother says to tell her as anything for a quiet life but he’s very much conflict avoidance.
And they’re right I’m not a parent (through my choice FYI) but I promised my nibling and I don’t want to break their trust, it happened to me as a kid where an adult I trusted told my parents things I shared in confidence and it was devastating.
But maybe I’m disregarding my ex-SIL too much?
So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It was told to you in confidence and that’s where it should stay. Mom’s reaction here is kind of proof why the kid didn’t want to share it with her.” BetweenWeebandOtaku
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It’s good that they can speak to you when they need adult advice. If you betray that trust then they will never come to you again. I guess there’s a reason they can’t open up to their mother so it’s good they’ve got you.” MerlinBiggs
Another User Comments:
“NTJ I have a brother and two sisters. When my children were growing up, they talked with uncles and aunties. It did not bother me in the least. I trusted my siblings to let me know if I needed to get involved in anything.
I wanted my kids to have other adults they could trust. They are in their thirty’s now and still hangout with Uncle and Aunty.” tinkerwings58
18. AITJ For Considering Moving For Med School Instead Of Comforting My Grieving Family?
“Last week, my uncle passed away.
The uncle was my mom’s baby brother. This came as an extreme shock to everyone, including my baby sisters and my entire mom’s side of the family, such as my aunt and grandparents. My uncle had a horrible illness a few years back and we all rallied to make sure he was okay.
Back to the story, my uncle was buried the next day, and I had to stay with my grandparents to make sure they were as comfortable as they could be during this process. A few days later, I received an acceptance offer from a medical school master’s program in the Northwest (Washington/Oregon).
I’ve been waiting for others, however, this is the only one I’ve received a confirmation call from to date. This master’s program offers an amazing linkage to a medical school, which would help me attain my dreams of becoming a medical doctor.
However much to my knowledge, I found out it starts in early August instead of early September. This doesn’t give me much time to spend with family to help comfort them.
I come from a South Asian household, and as I’m the only son and the oldest child, I have to hold the responsibility to help my family through this process of grief.
But at the same time, I have my chance for medical school sitting right in front of me. I don’t know what to do if that’s my only option, and I’m hoping to wait for the other programs from Philadelphia, NYC, and NJ so I can still be close to family.
But at the same time, if it comes down to it, WIBTJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Maybe becoming a doctor will let you save people like your uncle who might have died too young. Do it as your tribute to his memory, and tell your relatives that.” Katja1236
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – You have a life to live and this seems to be your dream. Follow your dream. You don’t know if another opportunity like this will come up.”
17. AITJ For Wanting To Move Away From My Meddling Parents?
“Wife and I married in 2010. Bought a house from grandfather’s estate, which Dad put a down payment on as a gift (but not before asking Wife to sign a contract that she wouldn’t take the house in the event of a divorce).
Dad and his siblings if they’d ever be able to see the house as Grandpa’s house or our house? Real estate-wise, we weren’t going to get a better house, so it financially made the most sense and we bought it.
We have an 8 and 5 year old. Because of two staph infections in 2017 and 2022, Mom helped in a lot of duties because my wife has had divide her time with me in the hospital/recovery and raising kids while I’m out.
But going back to before children, she has meddled with our creditors (Dad and I have the same name Sr/Jr.) when they learned we were like a day past the due date. We were poor college kids then. Got worse after children and now those remarks undercut my wife’s decision or she’ll do/say something when they are babysitting that the kids bring tell us something grandma said.
We’ll address it if it’s important enough, but usually doesn’t really matter because even when we do, nothing ever seems to change on their end, no matter how nice we try to be or how we change on our end.
This past weekend Mom calls wife at 10 am and says our house foreclosure date is in 3 weeks. She’s talked to her realtor (who has nothing to do with our mortgage) and the sheriff’s office, and they advised her the only way to protect our house is by filing bankruptcy.
Wife explains that we already had everything under control and it’s not going into bankruptcy. We agreed with the mortgage company (signing a mitigation loss agreement) as to how we can prevent foreclosure. We argue asking why they didn’t come to us first. We wouldn’t have been frustrated, but their meddling caused frustration.
Had she called us first, we’d have explained. She starts acting like I don’t care that she was just trying to help at which point my dad gets on and starts yelling about how he doesn’t want the house to go into foreclosure because he “invested” in the house (I’m the only mortgagee).
I feel my parents have always looked down on my wife because she didn’t come from money. My parents always talk about money to the point that they admitted they stay married only because of money instead of divorce. But now the damage is done.
My wife (who’s parents also treated her as never good enough) now feels like there’s never anything she could do to earn my parents’ respect as a wife or a mother. I feel that our house is not ours and don’t want it anymore.
We love Mom and Dad and everything they do for us, but this is too much. We’ve decided I will look at jobs (I bring a larger income) far enough from my parents which hurts (not to mention the kids).
We haven’t told them that decision, but we just want to be out from under them because my parents aren’t haven’t/won’t/will never change.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Sounds like the only good answer. You pull out from obligations to your parents that way — no dependency regarding the house or childcare.
But if your kids are attached to them, hopefully close enough that the kids still see them regularly.” practicalcat50
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Sell the house and move. Since your father gifted you the down payment, no need to pay it back.
If you can find a new house to buy within your budget, do so. If not find a rental. However your current credit history may make that difficult. Be sure to tell creditors that your family has a history of meddling in your finances.
Ask to set up a password they wouldn’t guess, effectively leaving them out of the loop. Unfortunately, foreclosure information and legal proceedings brought against you are often public information and easily viewed on county websites.” Glinda-The-Witch
16. AITJ For Not Letting My Sister Borrow My Car While I Was Away?
“My (32F) sister (33F) asked to borrow my car when I was a state away.
My husband and I had to travel for his work and since I can work anywhere I went with him. I left my keys at home and we had his friend come to check on the cats.
My sister messaged me on day two of this work trip asking if I took my keys with me.
Confused I said “no, why would I?” She said “idk, do you think I could borrow your car for two days to get to work?” My sister works from home but her internet is messed up and the guy wouldn’t be able to come until later that week.
Her car has been sitting in her driveway waiting on her fiance to put a battery in it I think.
I told her my house was locked up and I didn’t know how she would even get the key. She mentioned my husband’s friend who was checking on our cats and that she could meet him at our house.
I told her that I’m sorry I’m just not comfortable with that and she dropped it.
Well I talked to my mom a little later who lives 3 hours away and she was saying how she would have to drive down so my sister could use her car.
I kinda got mad and told her that was nonsense and she needed to figure out a solution herself. She is in constant need of help and she always has someone to help her so she never learns her lesson or problem-solves on her own.
(Which is true, I can’t count the times even the last two months that I’ve dropped everything to help her.)
Well my mom didn’t end up going and my sister ended up working at her best friend’s house until her internet was fixed.
She texted me the other night very formally asking when was a good time to talk and we decided the next night. She basically said how hurt she was and how she realized this was a one-way relationship and that she would do anything for me but I apparently had limits.
So she was informing me that she was going to set up some boundaries. I told her great, as an adult I encourage her to put boundaries in place with everyone. And I told her that I was sorry I was uncomfortable with her borrowing my car.
I told her my reason being I just paid it off and we have a baby on the way so this car has to last me a while. (What I didn’t mention was her track record with cars and accidents…not great.)
She said something about being in a desperate situation and I did say, as nicely as possible, that she was always in a desperate situation and I helped her out a lot. She said some nonsense about when I have a kid I would understand.
(Most of these situations she’s in are because of her fiance and not kid but that’s a whole other post.)
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“In my experience, people who “would do anything for you” are also the people who are able to do the least. They also tend to be the most needy, and view their theoretical willingness as some sort of equivalent compensation for the actual assistance they get.
Boundaries are good for everyone. NTJ.” 3kidsonetrenchcoat
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, always hide your spare key and when you travel hide the main set of keys. Not just because of your sister but also if the house is broken into.
They can haul away your belongings in your car.” Crazybutnotlazy1983
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I only have one friend I would let borrow, and she has solid insurance for driving other people’s vehicles (she owns a wine tour company).” lmmontes
15. AITJ For Refusing To Finish My Story After My Stepdad Interrupted Me?
“For a little background, my (25f) stepdad (55m) is basically my dad. He’s been in my life since I was 2, and has helped my mom (53f) raise me and my brother (28m) (bio dad is in and out of our lives).
My entire life he has continuously cut people off or talked over them in conversations. It’s not that he’s malicious, but it really does upset me and has always hurt my feelings because it feels like he doesn’t care what others have to say.
He’s the most unintentionally inconsiderate person I’ve ever met. That being said, it seems like he only does this to my mom, my brother (who’s also his stepchild) and me. Not his children, his friends, or his family.
Today when he got home from work, we were chit-chatting. Nothing crazy, but as I was in the middle of my story his phone began ringing. He told me “One second” and answered the phone on speaker. It was his friend (who he talks to constantly, like multiple times a day) calling him back.
They began chit-chatting, just talking about their days and whatnot. He didn’t call my stepdad for anything specific, and my stepdad knew he was just calling to chit-chat. It honestly hurt my feelings. It made me feel like a child again, like the conversation we were having didn’t matter to him and that I didn’t matter to him.
We’ve come a very long way, we didn’t have a good relationship growing up because he has always, in my opinion, treated my brother, my mom and me unfairly. He’s truly a good person, but like I said he’s just very inconsiderate.
When he finally ended the conversation with his friend, he began talking about other things with my mom and essentially wrote our conversation off completely.
My mom called him out on it, politely reminding him that I was in fact in the middle of the story.
He turned to me and asked me to continue, and I politely but bluntly told him I was no longer interested in finishing my story. He acted confused and asked what the problem was. I simply told him that it hurt my feelings that he cut me off to chit-chat with someone else while I was talking and that it was apparent that he didn’t really have an interest in what I was saying so I didn’t feel the need to finish it.
Honestly, my feelings were really hurt and it just wasn’t worth it to me. Well he deflected and said that I was being sensitive and asked me if I was on my period. This obviously escalated the situation and I became angry.
I decided instead of entertaining the conversation that we were no longer at the point of communication and excused myself. I know how my family can get and I am too old to spew insults back and forth. My mom says that I should’ve just continued the conversation and moved on, and obviously my stepdad is upset.
However I really feel like all I did was set a boundary that should’ve been set a long time ago. So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Ooooo child. NTJ. Your stepfather is very aware of what he’s doing, and he just doesn’t care.
He’s not a good person, he doesn’t respect you, your brother, or your mother, and he’s more than likely a narcissist. So all you can do is protect yourself. Not just from your stepfather, but from your enabling mother too.
I know it sucks, and it’s painful, and it’s really hard. But you will be so much happier and healthier in the long run. Props to you for trying to gentle-parent your parents, but sometimes gentle doesn’t work, and sometimes you have to realize it’s not your responsibility to make excuses for them, or clean up their behavior.
You are important, what you have to say has value, and there are people out there who will appreciate that. It’s just unfortunate that it’s not something you’re gonna find at home.” private_fishfish
Another User Comments:
“He is not truly a good person. His being inconsiderate is not unintentional. If it were unintentional, he would act like that to everyone. But golly, somehow he manages to not be inconsiderate towards *his* kids, *his* friends, and *his* family.
Crazy that he just cannot remember to not be a Jerk to you, your mother, and your brother! He acts like that to you three because you’re not as important to him. He’s got you three under his power as “dad” and “husband” he can get away with treating you poorly.
Far from being a good person, he’s a misogynistic jerk. NTJ.” AnnieLosAngeles
14. AITJ For Leaving Family Camping Trip After Grandfather's Rude Behavior While I Was Sick?
“For context, my family goes camping every weekend and at a campground, we leave our campers there during the summer.
It’s like the middle-class version of a summer home. Me, my mom, my aunt and uncle, and my grandparents all have different campers as well.
This past weekend my (F18) best friend (M20) went camping without my mom because she had to work.
Everything seemed to be going fine but my grandfather was being very rude to me.
He and I have never really gotten along. Long story short, he’s called me names and told me he hates me. He always apologizes and that seems to be good enough for the rest of my family but for me, an apology means nothing when I know he will just do it again.
The second night, something from dinner didn’t sit right with me. In the middle of the night, I ran to the bathroom and puked (words cannot describe the force that I puked with). After cleaning up myself, brushing my teeth, taking some Tums, and drinking some water, I grabbed a large bowl and went to go lay down.
The bowl ended up being a good idea because a few minutes later I puked again. This time with so much force, it bounced off the bottom of the bowl all over my face, my bed, and even in my eyes.
Puke was coming out of my nose and I almost peed myself. I called for my friend since I couldn’t see. He came running and got me paper towels and helped me strip and remake the bed after I cleaned up myself again.
I then slept for 13 hours straight and woke up feeling absolutely fine.
When I woke up, my friend let me know he took my dog for a walk around noon and my grandfather screamed that it was ridiculous she hadn’t been out yet (she was out at 3am before I finally got to sleep.
I’m still not proud of her going out that late in the day but I was completely knocked out). He then said I was too old to be puking in my bed as if I had a choice. When I went out for lunch, my grandmother offered me something for my stomach and my grandfather screamed that she wasn’t my mother and that I was an adult even though I never asked for anything.
I called my mom and told her what happened. She was upset about how he was treating me and asked if I wanted her to come pick up me and my friend. I said yes and we left later. My grandmother called me and asked why we left (I knew I was on speaker and in earshot of my grandfather) so I said since I was too old to be getting sick in bed I thought it’d be better for everyone if I went home.
I heard him screaming at me for a few seconds before she ended the call. My other family members think I ruined the trip and I was overreacting so AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your grandpa sounds like an awful person and your family is just enabling it.
You don’t have to tolerate that behavior from anyone. I’d argue especially from family. You were sick and they should’ve been concerned. I’m glad you had someone at least to help.” Scarlett1993
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your grandfather is a weird one, I’d never go anywhere with him again.
To the family members who say you ruined the vacation tell them to get a life and mind their own business.” blinky_kitten_61
Another User Comments:
“You absolutely don’t have to tolerate that behavior from your grandfather and I’m glad your mother understood and came to collect you early.
You didn’t ruin anything at all, his crazy behavior did. Info: has he always been like this or has his behavior changed of late? If it’s a recent thing, it could be a sign of dementia. If it’s how he’s always been, someone in the family needs to explain to him that it’s not acceptable and he needs to stop.
I feel bad for your grandmother. Hope you feel 100% recovered now. NTJ.” YouSayWotNow
13. AITJ For Visiting My Favoritism-Showing Grandparents Less And Declining Their Vacations?
“I was born in OK with my uncle’s family living in TX and both sets of my grandparents living about an hour away from me on the border of OK and AR.
Recently, my dad’s parents decided to move down to TX near my uncle’s family and this has since caused some issues with our families.
My mother recently lost her sister and niece and no longer gets to spend extra time with her parents when the rest of my family would go see my dad’s parents.
She’s also said it makes it harder for her to process the loss when she sees my dad’s brother’s family and doesn’t see the rest of her family.
My grandparents have always stated they’d pay for me to go to college wherever I ended up being accepted. Now that I’ve been accepted into a fairly expensive school, they backed out of this deal, only providing some of my tuition.
While I am extremely thankful for any help, I worked extremely hard to get into this college with the school even giving me about 100k in scholarships. I was also expecting fully paid for college since it was afforded to my cousins before me.
Every time they want us to come see them they have to remind us of how they’re helping pay for me to go to school.
Lastly, since I grew into my older teenage years they’ve made little effort in getting to know my interests.
My grandparents like to plan these elaborate vacations for us, but I hate going on vacations. I always offer to save them money by staying home and taking care of the house then I’ll have the opportunity to spend time with them and hear about the vacation when they get home, but they’re dissatisfied with this.
I can understand why, since they want to do something nice and as a family, but I have some disabilities that make it really hard for me to stay comfortable in unknown places. Another thing to note, when I do go on these vacations I see that my grandparents tend to favor my uncle’s family a lot more.
Once, my older cousin was allowed to bring his partner on one of our vacations giving one less room to our family. Another time, my sister asked if she could bring her partner on one of our vacations but she was told that he had not been in the family long enough for them to pay for him to come.
I haven’t declined a visit to them as of yet, but, every time I’ve gone since they moved there’s been tension between either my family and my grandparents or my family and my uncle’s family. I think it’s okay that if they moved somewhere they’d be happier, but I generally feel like there’s some favoritism towards my uncle’s family and I feel like my grandparents are trying to push some power dynamic over us.
My question to you guys is would I be a jerk for spending less time with them and going to see them less due to these points? And, am I a jerk for declining to go on some of these vacations with them?”
Another User Comments:
“ESH. You seem to be making excuses to avoid your grandparents. The whole poor me, I have to go on expensive vacations I don’t like” doesn’t speak well of you. You seem to expect unlimited $$ for tuition.
That is also a poor reflection of your character. Want a high-priced school, don’t expect full tuition payments. Your grandparents also seem to use their money to manipulate everyone. I guess you get what you pay for is a real assessment here.” qlt_ml_01
Another User Comments:
“NTJ I think that you’re at a point in life where you’re trying to set up more boundaries and the way you know how to do that at this point is by physically seeing them less.
In regard to vacations, I think that it’s totally reasonable to decline. There’s probably a disconnect between what their understanding of your disability is versus how your disability actually impacts your daily life. My grandparents live out in California.
Like you, they offered to pay for my college but backed out because the money had been spent on my dad’s apartment when he and my mom separated. So I can definitely see why you would feel this way and to be honest, you’re taking it a lot better than what I did.
I cut them off for several years. When I got older, I’ve admitted that I should’ve handled it differently. I’m not saying I forgave them and let them have a free pass, I just realized that the only way they know how to keep people around is by paying for things.
This isn’t how I feel loved or appreciated, so I interpreted this as them trying to buy my affection. My relationship with them changed when I became more financially stable and realized that I don’t have to have money involved. Since then, we’ve been rather cordial. I think that for now, limiting your time would be beneficial. However, once you graduate college you could resume seeing them more frequently or as infrequently as you’d like.
Before you do this, I think you should have a conversation with them about how this makes you feel. It can be scary to do since you’re probably rather young and are afraid of getting steamrolled. You can also involve your parents to help advocate for you if you need support.
You present as very insightful so if you do this, I have faith that you were completely appropriate in your message. It’s an awful spot to be in I must admit. I wish you the best on your endeavors.” mysterywoman19
12. AITJ For Being Upset That My Husband Didn't Follow The Recipe I Provided?
“My husband (35M) and I (30F) have been together for 6 years. He works a manual labor job anywhere from 40-80 hours a week. Not all of this time is physical work, sometimes he needs to be there just in case and has downtime.
I work from home 40 hours a week. We have a dog that I am the primary caretaker of but no kids yet.
Due to our work schedules, I tend to take on more of the housework (60-80%), especially when he is working more hours.
However, this tends to shift into unfair territory pretty quickly where suddenly I am mostly doing everything and carrying the mental load of it all. We’ve talked about it and every time I bring it up, he acknowledges that he’s been slacking and will contribute more.
He does, but then he has a couple of longer work weeks and pretty quickly things devolve again and stay that way until I bring it up.
We’re coming off of a stretch of longer hours for him and a conversation about our workload split, and tonight he wanted to make dinner (which I primarily do) while I finished working.
So I sent him what I’d planned and the recipe I was using and told him it should be quick so he could leave it for me if he didn’t feel like it. It’s important to note that I do almost all of our grocery shopping (or if he does it, I have to ask/remind him) and I spend a few hours each Sunday meal prepping for each meal I have planned.
I come into the kitchen and he’s making a version of what I had planned, but he’s looked up his own recipe that calls for some entirely different ingredients and uses some of what I’d had planned for later in the week for other recipes.
It also takes way longer to make. It annoyed me and I knew he could tell, but I did my best to move past it and just appreciate the effort by thanking him and praising the work put in. Then a few hours later I open the fridge and see over half of a large container of veggies I’d prepped for this meal were unused.
I went to him and expressed how frustrated I am about this and how it feels like just another thing I have to deal with now. He was visibly annoyed and said “do you want me to take care of that for you?” and doesn’t understand why I’m upset.
In his mind, he can just go to the store after work for other ingredients and the veggies will get used for something so it’s no big deal. To me, it’s disrespectful of my time and energy because I primarily handle this stuff, and if I hadn’t said anything then he never would have thought about how to use those veggies again.
We’re now fighting, tense and frustrated with each other.
I am feeling frustrated so I’m not sure if I’m being unfair/petty, because he did contribute and make dinner and he should be able to have some creative license when cooking.
So AITJ for being upset that he didn’t follow the recipe?”
Another User Comments:
“ESH I’m just gonna say this: he’s arguing about veggies and you’re arguing about respect. You are not on the same page and therefore can come to no resolution.
My wife (49F) and I (48F) have a deal: you can tell the other person to do something or you can tell them how to do it. You can’t do both. If you have prepped a meal to the extent that it will ruin your night if it’s not executed to a T, give the man another job.
He’s got an hour to pitch in? Start some laundry, empty the dishwasher, clean the bathroom, etc. Just a reminder that you’re both giving your employers more time per week than you give your marriage. Snap out of that.” Rudy_Nowhere
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, borderline NJH. My mum has always done meal planning. It’s something that has widely happened in my family. My family also knows how to follow a darn recipe. You provided him with a recipe, you planned for the recipe and unless you met last week he should know you meal prep.
He chose to basically say “forget you and your recipe” and changed it. It would be ok if he added some things to the original recipe and only a little amount but I think this is absurd.” porkiepiggy
11. AITJ For Naming My Daughter After A Gravestone?
“For the sake of the post, let’s say my daughter’s name is Aurelia. Her name is pretty rare in our country but considered beautiful — she never got any ridicule for it and loved it.
For years, she’s been asking me about how she got her name and I always said that it’s because I thought it was pretty, etc. but it’s kind of obvious that you just don’t come up with it out of the blue.
The only places she’s seen her name are old baby name books.
So, finally, I got tired of her always asking and decided to tell her. I didn’t think it would be this bad or that she’d react this way because honestly, it does not strike me as something that would get the average person so unsettled.
I completely understand that how I chose her name was sort of bizarre but I did not expect her reaction.
When I was 15, I visited an old graveyard with my aunt and my mother in their hometown. One of the graves looked really different, was intricately decorated and a totally different color.
The name on the gravestone said Aurelia and my aunt said, “Who’s Aurelia? I have no idea who that is.” and my mother didn’t either. They were surprised because they knew almost everybody there.
I wrote it down because I thought it was so unique and the whole thing seemed kind of mysterious and interesting to 15-year-old me, and when I had my daughter, I named her Aurelia because I remembered that situation
I didn’t think she’d react this badly. I thought she would be disappointed in why I didn’t have a better story or something (names here carry a significant meaning, most names are derived from adjectives describing traits, etc.) so I didn’t tell her, but I was completely shocked when she ended up so mad.
She just gave me this disappointed look and told me that that was disrespectful to her, and horrible that I chose to name her after a dead person I didn’t even know, that it’s disturbing, etc.
I attempted to reason with her and told her that children get named after dead people all the time, that it’s not really that different from seeing the name somewhere else (like at a restaurant, or in a movie, it was just a more traditional “sorrowful” setting that it happened to appear in).
She told me that that was exactly the reason she thinks it’s wrong, that she’s gonna associate her name with sorrow and mourning now, that it’s so weird how I chose that, that she’s gonna change her name because of this, etc.
If I knew how she’d react, I’d have lied. I don’t think that lying in general is all that great and that’s why I was so honest, but this is such a dumb thing that I could have lied about and nothing would’ve changed except that she’d be happy and wouldn’t be mad at me now.
So, AITJ? I believe that I may have been the jerk in this case because of how everything turned out, but I’m not really sure if her reaction is normal.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but you can’t really reason with a teenager.
Nearly any name you would have given her would have belonged to people who’ve passed away. Maybe you can do some research together to find out more about Aurelia so she seems like a person and not just a name on a headstone.” MushroomItchy7180
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. As someone who loves wandering through old graveyards and thinking about the stories of the people buried therein, I think this is a beautiful story. It would be awesome if you and your daughter tried to do some digging into Aurelia and her past together.
It’s a beautiful name.” Toomanykids9
10. AITJ For Talking To My Friend's Ex To Get Urgent Medical Help For My Mom?
“I (22 f) have a friend (21 f) that I met in uni. We were in the same friend group and kind of close so there’s that.
My friend had a partner who worked at a public hospital, they were a couple for a year but broke up 4-5 months ago due to his narcissistic personality. His ex and I were acquaintances as we shared liking K-pop, so we exchanged messages every once in a while when either him or I posted something of K-pop.
When they broke up I immediately asked my friend how did she feel if I kept his number and she told me to delete it, so I did as she asked and I haven’t texted to him since.
Now, to keep it short, I had my mom at a public hospital and me and my dad decided to take her somewhere else as she had been almost 12 hours there and her sickness was growing insanely.
I needed to get the ultrasound they did so we could take her to a private clinic my dad found, but just as we were planning and rearranging, a nurse told me those documents were confidential and that we needed the hospital director’s permission to take them.
Now, tell me, when could I afford that kind of time and connections? Anyway, I tried but it was more than clear that I couldn’t get the documents by myself. When I was just about to give up, I found a well-known face.
My friend’s ex was there just leaving his shift and I acted by reflex asking for help. I was with my dad and I think we had a desperate look on our faces as he helped us swiftly. It didn’t take more than a couple of minutes and I finally had the documents we needed to take her out of that place.
When I told my friend group as a joke what had happened, my friend said something like “I saw it coming” and left the group chat. I was dumbfounded, especially since I was still at the hospital getting the documentation ready.
I was already stressed, you can imagine how that made me feel even more stressed, especially since I didn’t know what I did wrong.
Later on, another friend of the same group chat told me she was mad at me because I spoke to her ex.
You could imagine my face at that moment, “does a second speaking to your ex is more valuable than my mom’s life to you? What in the world?” Was my instant thought. For a moment, I thought it maybe was my fault and that she had her reasons to be annoyed, but couldn’t she wait until this was over?
Either way, I sent her a message to ask for her forgiveness but that my mom always came first to me. Although I’m still mad and probably won’t talk to her in person unless she wants to, I don’t want to ruin our friendship over this, I have too much on my plate right now.
So, am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Def in this situation, your mother comes 1st. Thank this so-called friend for showing her true color and no regret to just ignore her and her drama from now on and for the rest of your life.
Ready to pick a fight about an ex while you are in such a distressing moment… What a Jerk… You don’t want that type of person when the sky is bright either. Hope your mom will get better soon.” Sunsess38
Another User Comments:
“NTJ OP, Your friend is insanely possessive. You are completely within your rights to be and remain friendly with this person. His help was crucial to getting your mother the care she needed and he sounds like a good person.
I honestly don’t understand the need to preclude someone’s “ex” as a friend, especially since she has obviously moved on.” stephnetkin
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your friend is nuts and thank God she did date him at one point because your mom could be in rough shape without his help.
I believe that the universe put him in front of you in that moment to help save your mom because what are the odds you needed connections to the hospital and ex-partner comes waltzing past?” iamsomagic
9. AITJ For Snapping At My In-Laws After They Accused Me Of Using Them To Attend A Concert?
“I (31F) don’t get along with my in-laws.
They’ve been racist and abusive towards me since I’ve been with my husband (31M) (married 6 years, together 9). His family is white and I’m Asian. They’ve always treated our relationship differently to the other siblings (3 brothers with white partners).
For example when we would visit and stay over, my husband and I were not allowed to sleep in the same room but the siblings all were, not allowed to go out to dinners alone, not allowed to be in the same room together alone, I was always asked on to ‘help out’ with chores i.e cleaning their toilets and bathrooms.
So we visit them and it’s just us because all the siblings are busy. The parents live in a different state and we were staying with them for 1 week. Before leaving, I saw one of my favorite artists playing a concert, so knowing what they’re like, asked my husband to ask his parents if it’d be okay to go to this concert while we were there.
They said it was fine. We went and when we came back from the concert, his father met us at the door and told my husband to go to his mother and apologize. I asked what for but they both ignored me and I followed along but his dad deliberately blocked my way.
Fine, I went to give them privacy but came down later and I could see them whispering. I could see the husband’s mother sitting and reading a magazine and giving him the silent treatment while he was apologizing.
I asked my husband after what happened and he said they were upset we went out to the concert.
I asked why, considering we asked beforehand but also we took the late train and came back well (the concert was a 1.5-hour train ride away), and we didn’t book a hotel closer to the concert since we weren’t ‘allowed’ to.
I snapped and asked them what the problem was since we asked. They said that they were being polite and I was rude for ‘springing it’ on them.
I told them that was nonsense and they said that they’re immigrants and they felt ‘used’ and felt like we were just staying there as a ‘pass by’ so we could go to this concert for one night.
They said that they get lonely and don’t have their family here (which is true but they can easily call or Skype or Zoom, they don’t live in a third-world country). I snapped and I said they needed to check themselves because coming here to study because they ‘felt like it’ from another first world country is different to immigrating from a war-torn country like my parents and not to use that word as an excuse for their narcissistic manipulative behavior.
My husband isn’t confrontational and he hates getting involved in these things, which is why they continue to treat me like this. I’m at my wit’s end with him too which is another story. I want to say that I understand technically they are immigrants, but using it as an excuse in this context is cheap.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“They are racist. Call them like they are. Stop tiptoeing around the issue. Everyone else is white but the Asian lady isn’t allowed to canoodle with their white son in the same bed. Not allowed to go to a public restaurant with their white son.
You have a husband problem too. He is being complicit in the racism. Are you sure he doesn’t have an Asian fetish? Sorry to be crude, but you shouldn’t have to put up with that nonsense. NTJ” Historical-Goal-3786
Another User Comments:
“YNTJ. Your husband and his parents sure are. Your husband is enabling his parents’ racist and hypocritical attitude towards you. He needs to be a real man and either stand up to his parents or admit he’s a momma’s boy and is somewhat of a racist himself for putting up with this.” Mekla11
8. AITJ For Telling My Friend I Don't Care About Her Relationships Anymore?
“My (32F) friend Rachel (28F) has a history of being in toxic relationships. I have known Rachel for 10 years, and she has been in two relationships in that time. The first one lasted 6 years.
I’m not sure you could even call it a relationship. They were together for a bit, broke up, and became friends with benefits for the next 6 years. He was an abusive guy who would regularly call her names, ask her for money, show up inebriated and urinate on her door, throw her clothes onto the street, drive inebriated, call her in the middle of the night knowing she was sleeping, and was always being unfaithful with other women the entire time.
They must have “broken up” over 20 times, I stopped counting. After 3 years of talking her through things, giving her advice, and trying to be a good friend, I told her I didn’t want to discuss it anymore unless she was serious.
She never fully ended things with him, but finally, after 6 years she slowly stopped interacting with him as much when she started meeting new people online.
Fast forward to now. She met a guy (43M) online about a year ago.
When they first met, she didn’t like him at all. Said he was too clingy, didn’t feel a connection, etc. For some reason, she decided to keep it going and they’ve been together (traveling back and forth to visit) for about a year now.
The first 3 months, she seemed happy and talked about how well he treated her. Then after that, I’ve probably received over 10 calls from Rachel about how she’s “not feeling” him, he has issues, red flags starting to show, etc. Literally every month, she will call me because she wants to break up with him.
Apparently his house is abhorrent with dog feces and urine all of the house and he doesn’t clean. He also has been “broke” despite making $80k and doesn’t pay rent. He won’t share his spending habits but is now constantly asking her for money.
She found Suboxone in his drawers. He told me that anytime she asks to talk about an issue, he locks himself in the bathroom. He’s the type to cry and threaten to hurt himself and is very manipulative. The list goes on.
Two months ago, she called me and said she was breaking up with him and did so. She ended up taking him back 2 days later and posted photos online about him being her soulmate. Fast forward again to yesterday, she called me and told me he manipulated her into getting back together last time, and she is done now.
She broke up with him and seemed fine. Now today, she is texting me saying she thinks “he’s the one” and wants to make sure I won’t disown her for going back.
I replied and told her I don’t care about her relationship and it’s not something I think about anymore because it’s too exhausting.
I told her to just do whatever she wants and she doesn’t need my permission. My partner thinks this was harsh, but I feel like this is ridiculous at this point, and beating around the bush doesn’t help.
So, AITJ for telling my friend I don’t care about her relationship?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and your partner is frankly being absurd. Does he think you’re a standby t**************s social worker for someone who is actively harming herself? EDIT: I’m honestly staggered by the amount of YTJ votes, to the point where I sincerely hope the commentariat has been skimming the post. OP has supported her friend through multiple toxic relationships for YEARS and has already tried to establish healthy boundaries with a self-destructive friend.
And she’s being tone-policed for not being ‘nice’ enough. Her being ‘nice’ has not helped her friend in any demonstrable way.” SoFokineGraceful
Another User Comments:
“NTJ (sorta) maybe you could have handled it more tactfully but it sounds like you hit your breaking point and that is valid.
You get to decide what you do and don’t let into your life and this person and their relationship drama sounds exhausting. But just be careful and help her if it becomes a DV situation and they would like some help to get out.” AmethystOwl97
7. AITJ For Calling My Family Name Snobs And Defending My Wife's Name?
“My family has always been very judgmental about people’s names and especially about what people are going to call their children. My parents were always like that and my older brother and two older sisters were like that as well.
The exception to the rule is my younger sister and I. We actually love the kind of names that make the rest of our family gag. Oh, and my family DETESTS nicknames. I have gone by my initials as a nickname since kindergarten and my parents and older siblings are the only ones who never used it.
They actually cringe and make faces when people call me AJ.
My wife has one of the names my family looks down upon. They were good about not saying anything for the five years they have known her. But recently they brought up how my brother’s next-door neighbors had a baby and named her Indigo (which is my wife’s name also) and they were being SO judgmental and rude about it.
I told them they were being rude and reminded them that it was not nice to talk like that about what people name their kids and that it was worse when someone present had the name they were slamming so hard.
My younger sister agreed and said she didn’t get their obsession with names anyway. We were told that we were trying to police what they said in their own home/own family’s home and could get out with that attitude.
I told them I would not subject my wife to that nonsense and left. My younger sister decided to stay and wound them up for a while. She told me they were so angry we were against them on the name.
She also said they admitted that they wanted Indie to agree with them and to say that she was embarrassed by her name.
I decided we needed to not see each other or speak for a while. The family noticed and reached out.
Said they wanted to talk. So I went. They were complaining that I had pulled away and saying I had been rude that day and was making it worse by avoiding them. I told them that I did not want to deal with them.
I said they were the worst kind of name snobs and don’t just actively have strict criteria for what is acceptable or not, but that they were mean-spirited and judgmental about others who do not share their taste or criteria and that I was done for now.
That I would not sit there and allow them to disrespect my wife that way and honestly, I was always annoyed by it, but would finally take a stand and tell them I won’t just call them out but space is needed.
They were like how dare you call us name snobs. We’re just thinking about what everyone else is, etc. I told them they were being jerks. They accused me of childish name-calling and being mean-spirited with my choice of words and actions.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your family certainly is something but pretty sure I can’t say exactly what and remain civil so I won’t. However good for you for standing up for your wife like you did. I would be going at least low contact with them if not full NC.
I wouldn’t want that kind of toxic behavior in my life.” Ill_Scientist_6510
Another User Comments:
“You are NTJ, AJ! You are a good person for standing up for your wife! Your family (except your sister) is the jerk. And what the actual nonsense!
How can they even get their knickers in a twist over NAMES is beyond me. You’d think that the world is facing more serious issues than NAMES!! They are control freaks!!!” Cr0wd3dM1nds
6. AITJ For Not Giving My Family Full Access To Our Wedding Photos?
“It’s been a year since my husband (25m) and I (21f) had our dream wedding. He had just graduated from college and I was newer to the workforce.
Because of this we were prepared to make it very budget-friendly. After months of arguing and pressure, my family forced our hand to invite a total of 300 guests (their family friends and my VERY extended family included). The opposite of budget-friendly.
We communicated immediately that we couldn’t afford to host that number and that’s when the war started. They offered to pay for the difference in pricing for their additional guest list. A healthy conversation of compromise. Almost immediately after, they started paying for things never asked of them, expected of them and definitely not wanted with intentions of getting their way because they had financial skin in the game.
This landed on them forcing their way into everything, even the things they were not paying for. At one point when we didn’t see eye to eye about a random thing, they even threatened to withdraw all previous and future payments AFTER invitations had been sent, venue was booked and catering was paid.
We had budgeted for the photos. That’s when one family member brought up the grand idea of having my younger cousin do the photography for the wedding. A few issues with this. 1) she was 18 and VERY new to the industry (had only done 1 wedding before).
2) had a completely different style and vision that did not align with our wants and 3) was about triple our photography budget. She has every right to charge what she wants, she was often fully booked and her prices are not outrageous for the industry.
Just above what we had budgeted. After this idea came into circulation, the rest of the family jumped in again with the guilt-tripping and threats of financial withdrawal. We came to an agreement to have my cousin do the wedding if the payment was shared like what we had to do with the guest list. There was no other way for us to afford it and the compromise was worth the energy of arguing.
I footed all payments and when it came time for the family to give their share, they instead bought the wedding party gifts without consulting on price and assumed that was a fair trade. For context, their share was about $1,500.
The wedding party gifts were about $700. For a low-budget wedding, this was a huge hit.
Now, my entire family, funnily enough, the same members that were the worst about all of it, are demanding to have their own prints of pictures.
Like dozens. They’re willing to pay but honestly, I really don’t want to give them access to any. They expect us to mass email the entire photo gallery to them to print and share. For Christmas, we gifted the key family members between 1-5 prints each, like both sets of parents and grandparents.
Parents also have gotten to pick their faves to have. As of right now I don’t plan to change my mind and many of them think I’m a jerk. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Keep your pictures and make your stand here.
They walked all over YOUR wedding, now you get to decide if they will get to walk all over the rest of your life and you will spend all of it cowing to their demands.” wanderingstorm
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but this is what we in the country call “closin’ the barn door after the horses are out.” Besides, if I was your family, I know all I have to do is keep pushing and you will cave and give me what I want.” the_owl_syndicate
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You need to set boundaries and stick to them. This is the perfect place to start. They can get glad in the same pants they got mad in.” extremelycrabby
5. AITJ For Not Including My Brother As A Groomsman In My Wedding?
“28 F and 27M/ I met my fiancé 7 years ago. My dad, siblings, and my stepmom’s side of the family live 9 hours away. We try and visit them on holidays and every other month, I have a very close relationship with them.
Since it is a micro wedding (30-40 people), my fiancé and I decided we wanted a max of 5 people in our wedding party. We wanted to ask only our closest friends and family. He chose his 3 childhood friends and 2 younger brothers.
My side involved 3 close friends and 2 sisters.
A few months back, my 16 y/o brother asked if he was going to be in our wedding. I said “YES, I would love for you to be involved! I just don’t know where to put you yet!”
Apparently, that BROKE his heart. He had automatically assumed my fiancé was gonna ask him to be a groomsman.
Today, I was chatting with my stepmom and she said his feelings had been hurt that he wasn’t chosen as a groomsman.
I responded “I’m sorry that his feelings are hurt. That was never my intention! Who is on my fiancé’s side on our wedding is his choice, not mine.” I told her I was brainstorming on how my brother could be a part of our day: I would love if he walked my mom and stepmom down the aisle, or he could be a flower man like he was at our sister’s wedding.
I also said he could walk our 3-year-old nephew down as “ring security.” I’m not religious but my fiancé and our family are Christian. I mentioned he could read a Bible passage during the ceremony.
She responds “Well it broke his heart and he feels like an afterthought.
He just assumed that he would be on your fiancé’s side because he thought they had a closer relationship.”
They think I’m the jerk for not just adding him onto my fiancé’s side.
After I got off the phone with my stepmom, I spoke to my sister, and now she’s disappointed that her husband wasn’t asked to be a groomsman (my fiancé and I were part of their wedding party, so she assumed they both would be a part of ours)My fiancé and brother in law don’t have a close relationship either.
Everyone is pointing fingers at me for not making my brother a groomsman. I was told by my sister that “He’s YOUR brother and you’re not involving him.”
I have been accommodating to my dad and stepmom’s family every step of the way.
I chose a venue that they would be able to travel to easily. I made sure to choose a date that was the weekend of my sibling’s fall break (they’ve already hinted that if my little brother had a football game or my siblings had school, there would be issues with them attending).
I have bent over backward over and over again. And I’m finally putting my foot down. At the end of the day, my fiancé doesn’t want my brother and my brother-in-law next to him on our day. AITJ for not just adding my brother as a groomsman to save his feelings?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, your fiancée is his own person, he has a history with people who have been in his life throughout his life before you. A wedding is the union of these two stories, not just a bride in a beautiful dress and her groom as an arm candy..
your family doesn’t seem to respect him, or you, very much. What’s this warning about not going to your wedding if your brother has a football game? That’s ludicrous.” Ryuloulou
Another User Comments:
“NTJ It doesn’t even matter how many people are invited, the groomsmen are people close to the groom.
My partner’s brother is getting married, so he will be his groomsman. I certainly like my BIL and his fiancée but I would never imagine I would also be in the wedding- I’m not a part of her life!
It’s incredibly unreasonable for your brother to be upset.” ewwwwwwwdavid
4. AITJ For Choosing To Live With Another Friend Over My Best Friend?
“So my friend and I (both 22m, let’s call him Jeff) are in college and live in a very expensive city where rent is outrageously high.
This whole year we lived together for the first time with a third friend of ours and surprisingly had no issues, everyone perfectly understood and respected each other’s boundaries and sleeping schedules, etc.. we ended up becoming really good friends.
The lease ends in about 2 months and so I proposed we start looking for other apartments for reasons that aren’t relevant to the story, then Jeff says that he thinks he’s gonna live back with his parents and just commute every day back and forth to college.
Hearing that made me sad because he was pleasant to live with and he’s a very very good friend of mine but it is what it is, so my other friend (the third one that we lived with) and I , start looking for other apartments together after we confirm that Jeff is sure of his decision.
Then we get an INSANELY good offer from another friend of ours (Let’s call him Mike, also 22m), for the 2 of us to live with him, where the rent is cheap even though the apartment is fine, because they are gonna be doing construction in the building for the first few months so the landlord nicely gave us a discount for the whole year.
We eagerly accept as we aren’t likely to find any offer like this again, especially after Jeff confirmed that he’s not planning on living with us anymore.
Mike takes it upon himself to sign the lease before anyone else snatches the opportunity (we weren’t in the area to sign it with him), which was a pretty bold move since if we decide to change our minds, he’s gonna have to start looking for 2 other people to live with him and share the rent with.
If we were to flake on him right now, he would have about 3 weeks to find 2 other roommates before he would start paying rent for the whole apartment by himself.
Now, Jeff decides that he changed his mind and he actually wants to live with us.
We tell him it’s too late, he says something along the lines of “oh come on guys, it’s not a big deal, he’ll easily find other roommates” but I find it extremely disrespectful to ditch Mike, even though I’m not good friends with him like I am with Jeff, since he trusted us and told us he’s not looking for other roommates right now because he trusts that we aren’t gonna flake on him.
On top of that, the rent for the new apartment is such a ridiculously good deal.
So in short, we want to stay with Mike for 2 reasons:
1) we promised him and he put a lot of trust in us.
2) very cheap rent.
Now Jeff is upset and saying we aren’t real friends or something and that we should have just ditched Mike since he has enough time, which is about 3 weeks, to find 2 other roommates. Am I the jerk/bad friend in this scenario?
Interested in other people’s view on this.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. The fact that you have chosen to honor your commitment shows a level of maturity that Jeff doesn’t have. You should know that he would ditch you without any qualms.” Glinda-The-Witch
Another User Comments:
“Sounds like Jeff’s parents either didn’t want him back or they were going to charge him rent hence the change of mind. NTJ. Go with Mike because you have to put yourself first in this situation. Cheaper rent and guaranteed for the length of the lease none of which Jeff your good friend will cover.” ireadrot
3. AITJ For Refusing To Cook For My Stepfather?
“Tonight I, (19F) cooked dinner for my mother, brother and myself. I mostly cook dinner every night because I would say I am pretty good, and I don’t mind it as much as my mother does.
I cook, so I don’t have to clean up. It works in our household.
For further context I would like to add that my mother and stepfather have been together since I was 6. We have lived together since I was 10.
He has always been verbally abusive, calling me all types of names for as long as I can remember. He takes my things, locks them up in his room (he added a lock to his closet..). This includes important documents he just takes for no reason other than it upsets me and he dislikes me.
Yes, he has said he dislikes me.
Household wise it’s really tough living with him. I can no longer fall asleep upstairs because I have horrible dreams he is going to hurt me. I sleep on the couch, close to the exits every night.
I am also pregnant so you can imagine this is not ideal or comfy. He financially takes advantage of my mother and refuses to pay his half of things simply because he’s mad, and it seems like he’s always mad.
Not only that but he has refused to speak to me since I have moved in May. He has not said a single word to me since May! I am living at home short term, until September.
Tonight I cooked, and he came down and grabbed a plate.
It took me roughly 2hrs to cook this meal and I didn’t cook enough to include a portion for him because he knows that I am not responsible for cooking for him. My mother said she asked him for money for groceries so he get some.
I said that in that case, she can cook; but if you want to kick your feet up and have food cooked for you, then you must tell your husband I will not be cooking for him. She says I am being too harsh but I refuse to feed someone who can’t even say thank you.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ 100%. He is a total Jerk and abusive; your mom is also a Jerk for not standing up for you; I could not imagine allowing anyone to treat one of my daughters that way for one second!
The best thing you can do is get out of there as soon as you possibly can, and if he refuses to return your things, call the police, they will escort you in to retrieve them. Wishing you all the best.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“ESH You are calling him abusive, and bringing a baby into the same home. This isn’t about dinner.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“YTJ Let’s look at this from his possible perspective: “You are an unemployed adult who got pregnant and then moved back under his roof.
Then you don’t like him because you have horrible dreams he is going to hurt you. And you use his ingredients to cook for everybody in the house but him…” Lost_Examination_722
2. AITJ For Pretending To Take A Shower To Get The Kid I Babysit To Sleep?
“I (18F) babysit this kid a lot, and her mom is a friend of my mom so there’s a lot of trust that I doubt would go out to a normal babysitter.
Because of this, it isn’t uncommon for me to babysit her overnight or even multiple nights when necessary. The kid is 8 and a foster child that my mom’s friend is trying to adopt. She has a whole complicated situation that involves a lot of trauma but I’m not going to be sharing that in this post.
Anyway, onto the story, last night was one of the instances of her staying the night. She hasn’t been over in more than 3 months so she was very excited. It was at my house and like always she wanted to sleep in my room with me.
This is no biggie usually, done it before and it’s fine. But this night she was especially rowdy and I was catching on that she wasn’t sleeping because me being there was too exciting.
I’ll admit I was frustrated. It was already 4 in the morning and even though she kept saying she was tired she refused to sleep.
So I said I was going to take a quick shower and she said okay and I left. I went to the bathroom (right next to my room so I’d be able to still hear her if she needed something) and turned the water on for 30 minutes.
I came back and like I expected she was asleep.
I thought “problem solved and now it’s bedtime” so I went to sleep too. But in the morning when I mentioned it to my brother (22M who lives at home in the room next to mine) in passing he was very upset and shocked that I did that.
He said I lied to her and abandoned her and that I can’t do that to a kid with trauma like hers.
She didn’t seem upset in the morning and she never called me back to the room. I would’ve come right back if she had.
Plus the door was unlocked if she really needed something. I don’t think it’s that big of a deal but my brother is insistent that I’ve betrayed the trust of the kid, my mom, and my mom’s friend.
Honestly, I think he’s jealous, he used to be the favorite babysitter and now he isn’t.
He very much wants to have kids one day and feels like he’s an expert with kids. I however do not ever want kids.
Don’t get me wrong, babysitting this one is great but handling her for a few days is a lot, I would not enjoy having a kid forever.
He always comes off as kind of angry and resentful that this child picked me over him. He acts like it’s lying to her to say I love her and then not want my own kids one day. I don’t see it that way but that isn’t the point of this post, that’s more to give context as to why I don’t think his criticism comes from a genuine place.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ The way you handled it was fine, but you might be honest about why you’re leaving next time. If you could hear her and you know she’s comfortable enough to ask for help, then she was perfectly safe.
That said, Usually foster care families are supposed to use approved “respite” babysitters, so if your mom’s friend is trying to adopt, she should make sure she’s following the rules.” mauvewaterbottle
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Your brother isn’t, I assume, an expert on what traumatized kids need. He’s simply trying to put you down, whether that’s because he’s jealous of the affection you and the kid have between you, or he wants to put you down to make himself feel better for some other reason.
Your solution was a great idea and, most importantly, you were still right there, still available immediately should she have needed you, accessible to her since you didn’t lock the door, and she obviously felt enough trust to feel secure and fall asleep.
Your brother is being a jerk.” YouSayWotNow
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Her mom is a jerk. She doesn’t deserve to adopt this child. However, I’m glad you are there because you care more about that little girl than the woman trying to adopt her.
I was adopted and my adopters were neglectful and abusive. They often left me for weeks at a time of different relatives, which was great because at the home I was in I was either ignored or mistreated.” FearlessCheesecake45
1. AITJ For Telling Mom I Really Don't Know Her?
“I (17M) have been raised by my dad (40 M) and stepmom (41 F) most of my life while bio mom (40 F) has been in jail the last twelve years or so.
She started trying really hard to get in contact and be in my life through letters, family delivering messages etc. the last couple of years and I’m not having it honestly.
I don’t fully know what she’s in jail for – I know it involved domestic stuff with me and my dad and she lost all rights after going to jail.
And wasn’t even allowed visits for the first few years she was in. After that when Dad offered she wouldn’t accept it because my dad wouldn’t let me go without him or my stepmom.
I will say 100% I understand why she wouldn’t have wanted to see my stepmom.
The briefest way I can describe it is she was an addict for years before I was born, and dad met my stepmom at a loved ones of addicts support group. She got forced to go to rehab for a couple of months and the group including my stepmom (who he admits he’d started messing around with) convinced him to separate because she was toxic.
Turns out she found out she was pregnant while in rehab so he broke it off with eventual stepmom and tried to make it work for a few more years. It didn’t work, he came clean to Mom about the old affair eventually, and well all I know is things got really bad before she started relapsing again and went to jail.
Dad filed for divorce and reconnected with eventual stepmom and they gave it another go now that he was single.
I love my stepmom, she’s the only mom I remember. The only member of my mom’s family to ever help me in any way is my aunt who cut the rest of them including my mom off years ago.
Hearing them complain about how she ruined my bio mom’s life and was the reason she relapsed was getting annoying. Finally, I wrote a message to them and told them to pass it to my bio mom. The blunt truth is – I don’t know her and she’s nothing to me.
She didn’t raise me or bother agreeing to visits for ten years. I told them that and to stop thinking they could change my mind and stop contacting me. Let me tell you they blew up after that. It’s been every day getting messages and phone calls.
I know she’s getting out soon so they were probably hoping to reconnect after that.
I do feel kind of bad for her and her family keeps saying I’m heartless and a jerk. A few of my buddies online said I was being way too harsh also.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – I worked in a rehab facility and have family members who struggle with addiction. Some family members get crazy co-dependent and think that EVERYTHING should be done in order to keep someone from relapsing.
The stories I can tell… Point is, they want you to let her play mommy and make her feel good, but she missed her chance. Take care of yourself and meet her when you are ready (if you ever are) and on your terms. Good luck!” MoonLover10792
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your bio mom sounds like a deadbeat who won’t take accountability for her actions. You owe her nothing and have every right to choose your own family. Bio ties don’t have to mean anything.” WayMoreCowbell
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. She’s trying to be a part of your life again, and you’re getting to the point where you’ll be old enough to dictate what that really means. No one is saying you need to go to the ends of the earth for her, but you need to realize that is your mother, and she probably really does want to at least see you.
Your being intentionally hurtful is also unacceptable. I get you’re probably in pain from this whole situation, but you can’t let yourself become the problem.” YodleGoat77
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