People Dive Into Their Tricky "Am I The Jerk?" Stories
21. AITJ For Telling My New Co-Worker To Stay Out Of My Personal Life?
“I work as a teaching assistant at a small local charter school. It’s not a lot of money, but I’m happy with what I do and make up for the extra cost of living by working retail in the summer.
I live together with my partner and we get by just fine.
Recently, one of our teachers quit mid-year and we had to hire a replacement quickly. I was transferred to her classroom as they didn’t have a teaching assistant and admin wanted someone there to show her the ropes.
We had a conversation today in which she was asking a lot about me personally. It was all general “get to know you” stuff until she asked me why I hadn’t applied for the teacher position.
I told her I don’t have the proper degree (though in a charter school, you don’t actually need one), but really the reason is I just don’t want to.
Like I said, I’m happy with my job. And she didn’t really like that. “Oh well that’s not very ambitious! You can do so much more!” “You could be making such a difference” and then the kicker “When you have kids you’ll need the pay raise at least”.
I told her point blank, “That’s not in the plans and neither is being a teacher. And I would appreciate it if you butt out of my personal life. That is really not your business.”
Now though, I’m wondering if I went a bit too far.
On one hand, I don’t think she really had malicious intentions, but on the other, I thought she was incredibly condescending. Either way, it’s put a bad taste in my mouth and this will definitely be a tense atmosphere until I can return to my normal classroom.
So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“ESH. Yeah, she was being inappropriate – prying and putting her values on you and your life. But you just made the working relationship with her much worse. “Butt out” isn’t very professional, when you’re asking someone to be more professional and keep a good working relationship.” ParsimoniousSalad
Another User Comments:
“I understand your irritation, but I think she thought she was encouraging you and obviously thinks that was good. I would simply tell her the next time you see her, you’re sorry for last time, you just don’t feel comfortable discussing your personal life at work, and that you’re a very private person.
Let her think about that. So I think here everyone was a bit of the jerk.” Available-Leg-6171
Another User Comments:
“This attitude is SO common in academic disciplines. People hear that you don’t want to get that extra degree/promotion and assume it means you’re not serious about your career.
Um excuse me, middle management suits me and I’m good at it, mind your business. You’re not wrong to be insulted, but it might have done you more good to be diplomatic. From now on, things between you two might be awkward. Having said that, when a grad student called me a “science tourist” just because I didn’t have an advanced degree, I told him to screw himself, so I can’t really judge you.
NTJ.” Spring_Peeper_2
20. AITJ For Asking My Best Friend To Pay Her Partner's Share Of The AirBnB?
“I (38f) third wheeled with my best friend Anna (39f) and her new partner Andy (40m) to ring in 2024. We booked an AirBnB, and I put the entire amount on my card since I’m the only one with an AirBnB account. This was the first time I met him, too, so I know very little about him and have barely interacted with him.
Afterward, she paid her third somewhat quickly (I did have to prompt after 2 weeks). She said she’s going to get her partner’s share, and then forward that to me. I said fine, but I honestly felt like the right thing would’ve been for HER to just give me both their portions, and then get payment from him.
That’s what I would’ve done, and my own partner (who didn’t join us) agrees.
I found out later that he got upset with her because he’s frugal, and she made it sound like it was going to be a lot cheaper (she chose the place, then told me which one to book).
Anyway, they had a fight, then she said she’s going to wait for things to cool down before broaching the subject of payment again. Once again, I’m annoyed, because I felt like it should’ve been her responsibility to cover for him ASAP, instead of putting me in this weird position where I have to wait for him to pay her, and then her to pay me.
It’s like playing telephone with money, and I’m just hanging in limbo!
They’ve been fighting a lot, so I think the payment topic got quickly left in the dust. It’s been two months and they’ve both forgotten about it. I reached out to her on Sunday (early March), and she was shocked to realize that it still hasn’t been paid.
I believe her surprise because she can be forgetful. I don’t think she’s intentionally ducking me. She said she’ll talk to him this week, and I thanked her.
But honestly? I’m annoyed because:
1. I think his share of the payment should’ve been her responsibility to me.
I feel like at our age, this etiquette should be a given? She doesn’t seem to realize I’m an outsider being put in an awkward position. Instead, her POV seems to be that we’re three individuals with equal social distance from each other, so once she paid her own share, she forgot about how much HE owed me.
This would’ve been understandable if I was also friends with her partner, but I’m not.
2. It’s been 2 months! When I owe people money, I set a reminder and pay ASAP. If I can’t pay immediately, I take it upon myself to reach out weekly to say I haven’t forgotten.
In this case, I had to chase HER down. So it feels like she put the onus of remembering on ME when it should’ve been hers to carry. Also, I think she should’ve just paid both their shares back in January.
There are some things that I AM trying to be understanding of.
Work is really toxic to her, and she’s been having health issues with an upcoming surgery in April (not major, but still scary). She’s also been fighting with her partner. I’m trying to give her grace, but I also think this is not cool.
WIBTJ if I ask her to just pay me with her own money, then figure it out with him on her own time?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I’d tell the friend that you’ve waited patiently, but they have even forgotten they owe you the money once and you seem to still be no closer to getting it. You don’t care if he pays, or she pays you and gets the money later from him, but you want the money within a week.
If they are not happy to hear this, remind them that keeping you waiting like this has been infinitely more rude to you and they should know some shame. If you are patient any longer odds are you will never see the money. With many people like this, the longer time goes on the less real the debt feels to them until they finally feel that you are being petty to even bring it up.” kurokomainu
Another User Comments:
“This is honestly why I never front anyone…. I’m happy booking on my card, but it’s cash up front, to me. I think you’re correct about the solution, but you may have to consider it gone. Their relationship is not your problem.
So don’t bother tip-toeing with her. Tell her to pay up, where she gets it from is not your problem. If she refuses because she doesn’t want to be the bad guy in their relationship. Me personally? I’d tell her to give me his number and go after him, put some social pressure on him, whatever.
And if both relationships go up in flames over reneging over the deal, so be it. NTJ.” VegetableBusiness897
19. AITJ For Refusing To Fast During Ramadan?
“For context, I live in a predominantly Muslim country in Asia and my (26M) partner (26F) is from a Muslim family.
We have been together for almost 2 years now. I was raised as a Christian by my family but I stopped going to church when I was an early teenager and I personally am not religious at all anymore, which my parents are fine with as it was my choice.
Being raised in a religious environment has negatively shaped how I view religion generally. Main point is that taking part in religious practices of any kind makes me uncomfortable because of my upbringing.
My partner is the same as me, she was raised Muslim but is not religious at all now.
There is an understanding about this between her and her parents, but it is unspoken between them as opposed to my situation being very clear with my parents. Her parents are not very strict compared to the standard Muslim family, such as them being fine with us being together and I can sleep over with her but only in their house.
However, they are still religious and Ramadan is taken seriously. She does not take part in anything religious, however, she is still expected to fast during Ramadan.
We have discussed this several times, and the only reason she fasts is to not upset her parents as she still lives with them.
They still have a very parent-child relationship which is common in Asian/Muslim families, so she is very conflict-averse with her parents in general.
This leads me to my current situation. My partner has told me they have asked her in private if I will be fasting this year.
They have asked if I would try it for a day to see what it’s like. I have made it clear that I am not comfortable with doing this for a few reasons. One reason is what I highlighted above about my religious background, and I feel very uncomfortable being pressured to do something with my own body such as eating/drinking, which should be your own choice.
Another important reason is I feel I need to set a clear boundary now, or they will continue to ask more of me. If I try fasting for a day, they will likely ask to try it for a week next and then the whole month eventually.
I seriously doubt trying it for a day would be a one-off and they’ll never mention it again. I have communicated this very clearly to my partner and she does understand my position, but just wants me to do it anyway so I don’t upset her parents.
For additional context, I would need to convert to being Muslim to marry my partner in the future, which I am totally fine with doing as to me it is just a legal technicality for the marriage to be recognized here. Her siblings’ spouses have also converted and they are not expected to do anything religious outside of being pressured into fasting during Ramadan.
Things are a bit tense right now with my partner and me as we can’t seem to find a solution. Am I being unreasonable? Or am I right to set this boundary now?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You should reconsider this relationship. Anyone asking another person to convert for love isn’t worth the time of day.
There are so many other women in your country. Please break up. Her parents will try to dictate every facet of your life.” Crafty3051
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You are not okay with it. Don’t do it. And don’t let anyone pressure you into it.
If they can’t respect that boundary, you have to REALLY think about whether or not this is a family you are okay marrying into. Especially as you described your partner as being conflict-averse. That sounds like she’d be unable to stand up for herself, or you as her mate.” The_Bad_Agent
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It is your choice. However, if you’re from Malaysia the matter of changing religion is not so simple. Changing your religion to Islam means you have to abide by Islamic law including marriage law, inheritance law & even how you will be buried when you die.
Your children will also be Muslims by law. I am a Muslim & this is not to scare you but please make an informed decision. I suggest you talk to other converts & truly do your research before you decide to get married.” GroundbreakingPie289
18. AITJ For Telling My Sister She Should've Expected Her Kids' Resentment?
“My sister lost her first husband 8 years ago after a three-year cancer battle.
Their kids were 8, 7, and 5 at the time of his death. The day my sister lost her husband, she met her current husband Leon, who had also lost his wife that same day. His two kids were around the same ages as my older niece and nephew.
The two of them became friends and for three years that’s all they were. But they did become more sometime after three years of being supportive of each other. They got married a little over two years ago. The kids in their household are now 16, 15, and 13 (sister’s kids) and 16 and 14 (Leon’s kids).
Their blended family is far from the Brady Bunch but I have known blended families with far more hostility between them. They do have one major issue that has led to my sister becoming very frustrated and upset.
The anniversary of the first spouses/deceased parents.
To put it plainly the children are resentful that they have to split the day honoring both my sister’s first husband and Leon’s first wife. Regardless of whether it’s a weekday or a weekend they will go to the grave(s) and go out to eat afterward.
The kids don’t care about their stepparent’s late spouse and only want to celebrate/honor their late parent. But my sister and Leon want to be together for each other on that day. So each anniversary there are fights and yelling and a lot of tension is in the air.
My sister and Leon do not want to mark the day without each other though, as I said, so they expect their kids to be okay with it.
My nephews and niece told my sister the other day that they are going to their grandparents on the anniversary and will mark the day with them instead.
This year it falls on a Saturday. My sister told them she won’t allow that and they told her they do not give a darn about Leon’s wife and they only want to visit their dad’s grave, not some random woman’s grave. Leon’s kids do not have maternal grandparents so it’s not the same for them.
But they apparently told him that they will probably walk all over the grave this year to show how much they hate being dragged there.
My sister came to me yesterday and told me all about this. She told me she wanted to vent and needed her brother (me).
So I listened. I said nothing while she vented. But then she told me I could say something at least and I asked her what she wanted me to say. She said I could say that I’m sorry, that I hate her going through this, I could reassure her she’s doing the right thing.
I told her I was sorry she was upset. She then asked me if I felt she was wrong and I told her I didn’t want to fight. She said she wanted honesty. So I told her that I feel as though she should have seen something like this coming given all five kids hate the way the anniversary is spent now.
She accused me of being dismissive to her venting and she told me I needed to be more supportive. She also told me to grow up because I had the same mindset as literal children.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. “She accused me of being dismissive to her venting.” Well, she’s been dismissive of her children’s feelings for years.
When they were little, she should have put them first and spent the day only with them to honor their father’s memory. Now that they’re grown up, she can spend the day with her husband and let them grieve in their own way. I find the situation unhealthy for the whole family.
“I had the same mindset as literal children.” They’re no longer children, they’re grieving teenagers who’ve never been able to process their father’s death properly and who haven’t been respected in their mourning.” Asciutta
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your sister and her husband are being incredibly selfish and utterly dense.
No your nieces, nephews, step-nieces, and step-nephews do not want to spend a day remembering their deceased parents with people who literally would not be in their lives had their parent been alive, this feels pretty obvious. The children have literally never met each other’s deceased parent and being forced to honor someone you never met, on the day your parent died, must suck horribly.
And this shared grief your sister and her husband are going for will NEVER work. If your sister and her husband can’t detach from each other on this day, then at the bare minimum they should let the children grieve with their deceased parent’s original family – you know, people who get their grief?
With whom they can talk about their parent.” Forsaken-Jump-7594
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You’re not her therapist. And a therapist would probably tell her that it’s not OK to demand that someone listen to her, then demand that the listener provide an opinion…and then judge and attack the person.
I feel sorry for all those kids if that’s the way she behaves all the time. The next time she tries to pull off drama like that, tell her to go to a therapist and don’t get sucked into this trap.” palangi_ninja
17. AITJ For Refusing To Babysit My Unruly Younger Brother?
“I am 20F and my younger brother is 9, there is a large age gap from my other younger brother (9 yrs).
We will call the younger brother Joe. My parents are in their mid-50s, and I can understand how having a young kid at this age can be difficult.
Joe’s an absolute menace 80% of the time, he does not listen to me or any of my siblings when he is left in our care.
Joe is disrespectful to our parents which literally makes my b***d boil because my parents are amazing and don’t deserve that. When Joe does not get his way he screams so loud that it can be heard outside the house, it has happened on several occasions.
When we correct Joe my parents tell us we have no authority over him and “we (the siblings) are not his parents”, which makes the situation even worse when they are not there.
When my parents go away to functions they refuse to get a babysitter for Joe and rather expect one of us (the older siblings) to take care of their kid.
Most of the time they ask, but occasionally will just assume you are okay watching their kid which is often not convenient for me or my siblings as we often are working/otherwise engaged.
So in light of this WIBTJ if I tell them I don’t want to watch Joe?
My siblings all agree with me and all struggle with how rude Joe is to us and our parents.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – tell them that they need to hire someone that Joe will need to listen to. “When we correct Joe my parents tell us we have no authority over him and “we (the siblings) are not his parents”, which makes the situation even worse when they are not there.” Joe is acting like an entitled brat and your parents aren’t helping.
He is going to grow up to be a totally insufferable adult that no one will want to be around.” Comfortable-Sea-2454
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I’m sorry, but if your parents aren’t putting real effort toward getting your brother’s behavior under control, then they’re not as amazing as you may like to believe.
They’re creating a person who’ll likely have major entitlement and behavioral problems for the rest of his life and will make everyone who has to be around him absolutely miserable. Your parents can’t expect you to watch your brother if they won’t allow you to do or say anything to keep him under control.
If no one else is allowed to correct him, (and if he won’t listen to you regardless,) then no one else can watch him. It’s unsafe for your brother and for you/your siblings. It’s also wrong for your parents to simply tell you or your siblings that you’re going to be watching your brother without even asking if you’re free.
It is not your responsibility, and it is not realistic for you to keep your schedule clear just in case your parents end up wanting to go out and needing you to babysit for them. You are not a free babysitter. He is their son and their responsibility, not yours.
Period.” ScratchShadow
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your parents have failed Joe. If he cannot behave, they should be looking into therapy for him. This isn’t healthy for him or them. He’s only 9 but if his behaviour isn’t corrected now, he will be in for a hard life.
Your parents are setting him up to fail. He clearly lacks healthy boundaries and rules. Your parents are also disrespectful of you and your siblings. They cannot reasonably expect you or your siblings to watch Joe if they rob you of a fraction of authority in lieu of theirs (though it seems they have none).
Refusing to babysit is the only logical response in this situation. In your shoes, I’d enlist my siblings to refuse to babysit this child. Send your parents a strong, collective message.” nikkesen
16. AITJ For Defending My Gay Brother Against My Friend's Homophobic Partner?
“So I (24m) have a brother (22m) let’s call him Kyle. He came out to our family when he was 18 and my parents kicked him out.
I was already living by myself at that point so I took him in. Kyle’s mental state was bad, he didn’t eat or sleep until I finally convinced him to seek help. Not gonna lie I had a hard time coming to terms with the fact that he is gay as we were raised in a conservative household but I slowly but steadily got used to it and accepted that it wasn’t a choice.
Who would choose that kind of hate from others?
Anyhow since I was the only family he had left I became very protective of him and cut many of my friends out for having the same views as my parents.
My brother got into a relationship with his partner (23m) and he is very happy.
They are a cute couple and I see how happy Kyle truly is. I just moved into a new apartment and hosted a little party with my closest friends and my brother and his partner. One of my best friends Josh (24m) brought his partner (24f).
Never met her as they just got together. She is a homophobic terrible person. The minute she saw Kyle holding his partner’s hand she started a rant about how they are disgusting and they are sinners who shouldn’t be near those who try to live the way the lord intended. This went on for a good 5 min.
My best friend tried to calm her down but then she said and I quote “no wonder your parents disowned you they wouldn’t want a (slur) in their home.”
I lost it, called her a worthless piece of a human. And then went on to tell her many many many other things that left her in tears.
She ran out and my friend gave me a look and left.
The others at the party were divided, some said what I said was justified and others said I took it too far. So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“That’s when you just tell her to go read John 8:7.
A group of people were basically trying to kill a woman for sinning. Jesus tells them, “If any one of you is without sin, let him be the first to throw a stone at her.” Then you tell her to leave because I guarantee you that she is just as big of a sinner as anyone else.
I think the insults didn’t really do anything except pour gas on the fire, but I’m not going to say it was a jerk move. NTJ.” HolyGonzo
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I am sure that your brother at 18 coming out to your parents who are conservative people was terrifying and very hard.
On top of that, to be tossed out. Heartbreaking. Bravo to you for having the courage to take him in, knowing how your parents felt. I would also like to say I think it’s great you were able to accept and overcome the way you were taught and see not only the despair your brother was in when he came into your home but the changes in his demeanor once he had your acceptance and found his current partner.
I am happy he has you in his life.
Your friend Josh, well his new partner I agree, is a terrible human being. Given she from your post did not know your brother nor his partner, just going off a bit of mild PDA sent her into a religious tilt with the homophobia slurs and all.
I don’t feel you were out of line and I think lucky she did not get worse. She was a guest within your home, thus if she did not like the activities with your brother and his partner or whatever, could have simply left without the commentary about your brother and his partner or his s****l orientation.
I am a bit old school, so I believe in the FAFO life. You handled yourself well, IMHO. BTW, if we don’t stand up for people in our lives that others see as different, some people will never learn or change their behavior.” Smart_Investigator20
Another User Comments:
“NTJ for standing up for your brother and shutting down a homophobic bigot. Her behavior was disgusting, and I’m concerned that if your “best friend” is seeing someone with these views, he may feel the same way as her. I also don’t think the “Lord” would be okay with her going into someone else’s home and disparaging the party host’s brother and his partner.
Talk about ugly behavior.” fallingintopolkadots
15. AITJ For Accidentally Revealing Santa Isn't Real To A 15-Year-Old Student?
“I am an English teacher for Grade 10 (15-16 year olds) and my class is reading Animal Farm, which is an allegory of the Russian Revolution, and in the novella, the animals are very unintelligent and gullible, easily falling for propaganda.
One of the horses couldn’t even learn the alphabet past the letter D.
One of my students, a 15-year-old girl, asked me why the animals were falling for propaganda so easily, and I replied that “they haven’t developed critical thinking skills yet. For example, you probably believed in Santa when you were younger, but as you got older, you developed critical thinking skills and realized that it would be impossible for Santa to deliver a billion gifts in one night.” She then replied with “wait what, Santa isn’t real?” She looked around her table group and asked the other students “you believe in Santa, right?” The other kids stared at each other and a few of them broke into laughter.
I saw one student putting his finger to his mouth, making a Shhhhhh gesture to another student while giggling. She seemed pretty upset for the rest of the class.
So I basically told one of my Sophomore year students that Santa wasn’t real, assuming that she would already know as a 15-year-old.”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here, but with a caveat. In the future, I wouldn’t recommend using the exact argument you used as an anti-example of critical thinking though, and here’s why. I’m not saying I ever believed in Santa, but people I’ve heard about, who did, believed he had a little something called “magic”.
If you believe both that Santa existed and that he had magical powers, it explains any illogicalness of the logistics of Christmas Eve. Thus, the girl isn’t being illogical. Sheltered definitely. Naive….Blissfully ignorant…too. But, not illogical. Why not use a real-life example that doesn’t involve any sort of belief over a holiday, religion, etc.?” TheNewAnonima234
Another User Comments:
“I believed in Santa till I was 13 and 1/2 because my home life was so broken and torn up. I needed to believe in something. Something good. Something to wake up to on Christmas morning from a very freshly divorced household. And had gone to court on my 13th birthday that year for ugly custody hearings.
It came to a head when my mom said she wouldn’t be able to afford presents at Christmas. But we would have a nice meal at least. I told her not to worry about it as Santa would be coming, and that’s when she had to tell me.
I ended up asking my dad for cash before Christmas so I could buy stuff for myself since I already knew. He gave me $40 and I spent every dime on my younger siblings. Stocking stuffers, candy, and cards. All from Santa.” Doenut55
Another User Comments:
“Look my first thought is the kids are joking and it’s a well-planned con. But second thoughts say kids aren’t that smart or coordinated. Third thoughts wonder where you draw the line on what is and isn’t real. So you’ve eliminated Santa, what about the Easter bunny?
Krampus? Period fairy or tooth fair? What about Jesus, God Aquaman or any of the other super friends? So I’ll reserve my judgment based on where on the scale you lie.” Archon-Toten
14. AITJ For Refusing To Agree To My Wife's Unique Baby Name Suggestions?
“My wife (28f) and I (30m) are expecting a baby girl in March. We have not yet decided on a name and it’s becoming worrying that we might not reach an agreement on what to call our daughter. We have very different ideas about what the name should be.
My wife likes nothing too classic and normal like the names I have suggested (Elizabeth, Emily, Natasha, Hannah, Katherine, Francesca, Matilda, Annabelle, Isabelle, Vivienne, Sadie, and many others). My wife has suggested some names I would consider far more modern and she likes unique names I find very hippy (Skye, Indie, River, Ocean, Seraphina, Atlas, Clove, Dove, Asteria, Lennox, Ember, Wynter).
We have thrown out hundreds if not thousands of names and any time I ask her why she dislikes any of the more known/common classic names, she says she likes none of them, she either finds them boring or old leaning and she doesn’t like that.
I told her it would be better for our child to grow up with a name that sounds normal vs one made up to be unique. She told me she would never agree to a name like Elizabeth or Amelia (another name I suggested). I told her I will not agree to a unique or weird hippy name for our daughter.
She told me it’s why we’re still looking and I told her that the names of late have been worse from her. She told me the feeling is mutual and I am not going to force her to change her taste. She also told me my description of her names is unfair and there’s nothing that unique about most of them and I simply reject everything that’s a little more modern leaning in usage.
We took some time after that and have not returned to names in about 4 days. I can see she’s bothered by my choice of words but I can see she’s also frustrated and feels our daughter’s due date looming over us as well.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ just for dismissing the names Asteria and Seraphina/Serafina as “modern,” “hippy” names when they are hundreds if not thousands of years old. Go pick other reasons to claim to dislike those names. You guys should split the difference by naming your daughter Tiffany, a name that will annoy both of you through having a long historical medieval heritage while also sounding irritatingly modern.” bookdrops
Another User Comments:
“First: You both need to be able to compromise. This will not be the last time! Second – try the following: You need to find a solution both can accept. I recommend you have a nice dinner and both be in a very positive mood.
Then you each get the task of finding 5 names you think the other would like and you do not hate the most yourself. Write them all down and let them grow on you. Find the compromise. Another option: Try and have a talk: what do you each want?
Your wife wants something unique and with a certain vibe – you want something more traditional. Go through old names, there might be one you can both accept (like Elvina). But the important thing is you do it together because right now you are each in a corner saying no to everything – get out of the corner!
Everyone sucks here.” NonaAndFunseHunse
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You each have a preference, you can’t change that. Why not compromise and have a first and middle name? When the kid grows up they can settle on which they prefer to be called. Like, “Elizabeth River (surname)”.
I have a friend whose wife is Hungarian and strongly wanted the kids to have Hungarian names, he didn’t want them to have “unpronounceable” names and strongly wanted traditional English names so they wouldn’t be singled out/picked on for being immigrants or something (they’re not but racists be racist).
They compromised and gave them both eg. Their boy is called John Mátyás and he has chosen all through his life to be known as Mátyás, not John. But he had the option of being John if he wanted. Their girl is Csilla Anne and prefers to be called Anne.” Own-Kangaroo6931
13. AITJ For Kicking Out My Brother's Fiancée After She Kidnapped My Cat?
“I (37F) was adopted by my parents (67F & 68M) at age 5, after years of struggling to conceive and many miscarriages.
My brother Adam came along when I was 8. Adam was my parents’ miracle baby that they had given up on ever having. Mom’s pregnancy was super difficult and high-risk, but she pushed through it for the chance to finally have a biological child. Sadly, 3 years ago, we lost my brother in an accident, at 26 years old.
It was sudden, unexpected, and absolutely destroyed me and my family.
During our time of grief, his fiancée Diana (30F) was a lifeline for us. She was grieving as well, but she helped us through those first terrible, unbearable several months and I’ve struggled to find ways to repay her kindness and care ever since.
We became friends when she started seeing my brother over ten years ago, and when I became engaged, it seemed only natural and obvious that I would choose her as my maid of honor.
When I asked her to be my MOH a year ago, she said yes.
4 months later, in the midst of planning, she came to me and said she needed a place to stay for a while. I said come on in and make yourself at home. In the weeks before moving in, she asked about my cat Paulie (9M), wanting to know if somebody could keep him, as she has a mild cat allergy.
I said I couldn’t, and she said she’d take Benadryl and deal with it. I thought that was it, but 2 weeks before Diana moved in, Paulie disappeared. Diana helped me put up posters and check shelters, but we had no luck.
Well, come to find out, Diana is the reason Paulie was missing.
She had used her key to my home to take him, but let me believe he slipped out and had a friend keep him for the four months that she ended up living in my home. I found this all out almost 2 weeks ago and I pitched an absolute fit, threw her stuff out of my house before she could properly fully move out, kicked her out of my wedding, and told her in no uncertain terms to stay away from me for a while.
I blocked her after the third apology text because I was sick of seeing her name on my phone, then blocked her across all social media. She even showed up at my work the other day, and I stayed in the back until she finally left. My parents, who adore her as an extension of my brother, want me to make up with her and let her stay in the wedding, but I don’t see us coming close to even being civil before my wedding date.
Adam helped me pick out Paulie, and he’s one of the few things I have left that connects me to my brother. I don’t know what I’m going to do about the open MOH spot or anything yet, but I’m wondering if maybe I did go overboard.
I don’t think I did, but I could use some outside perspective, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Not only did she expect that you provide her housing, but she then manipulated that situation by taking it upon herself to remove your cat from your home after she had already been told NO. This is not what a friend would do.
I don’t think you’re overreacting by kicking her out and removing her from your wedding. Your parents can continue contact with her if they choose. That is their choice, you have made yours. Wishing you many many years of marital bliss.” many_hobbies_gal
Another User Comments:
“NTJ at all! Holy moly, is your family serious? She freaking kidnapped your cat! IMO she should consider herself lucky that she isn’t facing any legal consequences. I could never forgive someone who would make you believe your precious cat, who shares a connection with your brother, was missing for 4 months.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ 100%. What she did was disgraceful. She entered your house without permission. She kidnapped your beloved cat and broke your heart twice over while lying to you. “Adam helped me pick out Paulie, and he’s one of the few things I have left that connects me to my brother.” Keep her blocked & don’t let her within a hundred miles of your wedding.
I wish you, yours & Paulie all the very best.” Apart-Ad-6518
12. AITJ For Refusing To Help My Cousin With Her Addict Partner Again?
“To preface, I (29f) work in law enforcement, won’t get into details but it’s a pretty demanding job and I work A LOT. I have a cousin Mia (25f) who’s seeing a guy who is really into illegal substances. You can imagine the rest lol.
Anyway, last summer they had some issues within their relationship and Mia asked me to come over after my shift when I’m technically off duty but still in uniform and talk some sense into her partner. Looking back it was a super risky decision but I wanted to help and so I came over and talked to him.
Not gonna lie, I wasn’t sugarcoating anything and was pretty gentle with my words but he wasn’t having it and when I left, he complained to Mia, said he was feeling intimidated and scared and she did a full 180. Won’t get into details basically they reported me to my PD and Mia took his side.
I was seriously at risk of being fired. By sheer luck, I wasn’t, but I’m super careful around them now.
Fast forward to now, they’re having relationship issues AGAIN and Mia called me crying asking for help again. I said I’m sorry to hear that but I really can’t do anything for her.
Last time I tried it didn’t go well. And I’m a police officer, not a family counselor. I can’t just magically turn a substance user into a Prince Charming. Mia said that she really needs my help, I told her to file a police report and her situation would be investigated. She said she doesn’t want anything to end up being on his record.
I said in this case I won’t be helpful. Mia complained to my aunt and she said I’m a jerk for refusing to help my family in need.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ stay far away from them. Tell the aunt last time she asked you tried and then they tried to get you fired. You could send your aunt information to any AL-ANON in the area.
Tell her it’s up to her daughter to get out and get help on her own.” 9smalltowngirl
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I’m a recovering addict first of all (6 years clean) and Mia is going to have to learn you can’t help an addict until they’re ready to help themselves.
I walked away from a 15-year marriage because he wouldn’t stop using and I was clean and wanted to be clean. Besides you helped her once and she stabbed you in the back and risked your livelihood for a man who obviously treats her poorly.
Family or not I would have washed my hands of her. Even on my worst day I still wouldn’t have done something so foul especially to my family who was doing what I asked trying to help me. Definitely distance yourself from Mia and her partner altogether even if she does leave him because she showed her true colors.” Senior-Charge-5727
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Intervening again could get you fired this time. The department probably let it slide last time because it could be filed away as you made a mistake but had good intentions. Tell Auntie this: I tried to help Mia last summer.
It almost cost my job, possibly my career. I am a police officer, not the family’s enforcer. Your daughter needs to handle this herself like thousands of other women.” Flat_Contribution707
11. AITJ For Wanting To Move Out After My Mom Raised My Rent?
“I’m 25 years old, was paying $60 a week rent for a few years. I recently started a new temp job that pays pretty decent, and they decided to keep me with the company last week. This morning my mom texted me to say “Rent starts up again, $150 a week”.
I just told her I would move out. I already pay for my own meals, I only have my small bedroom to call my own in their house. I can rent a studio apartment 3 or 4 times the size of my room for a few hundred more or could rent a room with friends for less than my mom is trying to charge me.
It would be one thing if they cooked and cleaned for me every day and I was raking up their bills but I do my own thing, pay my own bills, I never really even cross paths with my parents besides when I am getting off work.
My mom’s definitely upset that I said that, I can tell. But I’m also upset the person who birthed me is trying to get me to pay what I would pay a landlord for rent just to sleep in her house. Even 100 a week I would have been more inclined to be okay with, but 600 a month just to be able to sleep at my parents’ house seems a little high.
If I am paying $600 a month I think I would deserve my own spaces around the house also as I would with a landlord, it seems having a landlord would be a better deal for me in this case.”
Another User Comments:
“”But I’m also upset the person who birthed me is trying to get me to pay what I would pay a landlord for rent just to sleep in her house.” Y’know, parents have bills and utilities to pay, also.
You’re only entitled to free room and board until you’re a legal adult. “If I am paying $600 a month I think I would deserve my own spaces around the house also as I would with a landlord.” Lol, if you can swing it for $600 go for it.
Where I come from, $600/month would get you a shared bedroom, a half-bath, and access to a garden hose with a 3-minute shut-off timer to shower with. Despite coming off a little naive, you’re definitely NTJ. I’m not sure why she would be angry unless she was genuinely depending on the income she got from you to pay bills.
If she was only depending on it for luxuries and fun money, then she’s extra jerk-ish.” consolelog_a11y
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here – “Rent starts up again…” Sounds like she was giving you a free ride for a bit and then gave you a week to celebrate the job before informing you it was time to start adulting again.
She seems like a great mom. You have no obligation to live with your parents. Her being upset may just be because you’re leaving and that can be hard on parents.” DrFishTaco
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. You have the right to decide if you want to live in that space with your parents, pay more to live on your own, or pay less to live with (potentially more than 2) friends.
You can absolutely choose to move out. However, your parents definitely have the right to determine the amount of rent. It doesn’t matter if she is your mother. Not that this is relevant, but they too are humans with costs, and retirement to think about, and you are now an adult who doesn’t need to be supported.” Independent_Rain4838
10. AITJ For Not Including My Dad's Wife In Wedding Dress Shopping?
“I’m (24f) getting married later this year and I brought my sister (26f), my future MIL (50f), and my future SIL (27f) dress shopping with me. When it comes to the wedding it’s the only part my fiancé and I intend to include others in.
He’s not going to make the same choice when shopping for his wedding attire but I wanted my sister there most of all and when I thought about it I wanted to include future MIL and SIL because I get along really well with them.
I did not include my dad’s wife who married my dad when I was 16. She and I are not close and I tolerate her for my dad but she is not an important part of my wedding day and she’s not an important person to me.
I do not want her involved in my wedding where she feels like she can play mom for a while. She tried that when she married my dad and she tricked me into going dress shopping for prom with her and proceeded to tell the lady in the store she was my mom, then argued with me because I corrected her.
Ultimately she claimed I should have been grateful she wanted to claim me as her daughter and she refused to understand that I had lost my mom when I was 11 and didn’t want someone else inserting themselves like that. I also hadn’t known her very long.
My dad was aware I wasn’t inviting his wife. He knows my difficult feelings toward her and he respects that I am willing to be polite to his wife but is aware I have no interest in being closer to her.
So we went shopping and I found the dress on my first day.
My photo was posted to the social media of the store we attended and then my dad’s wife found out. The lady who owns the store mentioned I had a sister, MIL, and SIL in attendance and my dad’s wife became angry that she was left out where my future MIL was included.
She called me up and told me she would have come and would have made up for my mom not being there. I told her that was okay. She told me she wanted to be included. She wanted to be part of my bridal experience and have the joy of being a mother of the bride.
I tried to end the conversation without saying much but then she mentioned the fitting and I told her nobody else was coming to that. She told me I should have included her in shopping then and when I said that wasn’t what I wanted she told me I was being rude and to wait until Dad hears.
I didn’t hear from my dad about it but I did hear from his wife again saying I put dad in the worst position.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – sometimes you just have to let go and understand you can’t control other people’s emotions.
She can be mad – who cares. This is YOUR wedding. You do what brings YOU joy. You include the people YOU love. It’s not about her. I’d be super firm on my boundaries with her. “There is no making up for my mom not being there.
You are not her replacement and I’m not looking for a replacement. I find the fact that you are trying to replace her extremely offensive to her memory. This is my wedding. I will include whoever I choose in my wedding events. Trying to push in like this certainly won’t win me over.
Furthermore, I’m also an adult and I don’t take kindly to you threatening me with my own father. I certainly wouldn’t want to include someone who resorts to empty threats. Take care.”” whereisthetvchanger
Another User Comments:
“Oh my god, huge NTJ. So not only does this woman think she can make your wedding about herself, but she genuinely tries to force herself into the position of your dead mother?
When nothing about your relationship indicates that she’s even that important to you at all?? Your dad’s wife is being incredibly disrespectful, selfish, entitled, and overbearing. It’s your wedding, it should 100% be about you and your fiance and that means you get to choose who to go dress shopping with.
If her feelings are hurt because she’s excluded, that’s her problem, not yours, and if she did the slightest bit of reflection, she would realize that she’s in no position to demand being included, especially considering the circumstances here. And not just that but to have the audacity to try and take your mom’s position without anything indicating that you would want or need that.
Jesus. I think it’s at least a good sign you haven’t heard about it from your dad yet. Really hope he has the decency to tell her what a huge jerk she’s being with this. Wish you guys all the best for your wedding!” theo-69
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You may need to gently remind her that you’re both adults and you both have the right to make your own decisions. She has the right as your dad’s wife to ask if you’re interested in developing a mother/parental figure and daughter relationship with her and including her in events as your “mom”.
You, as an adult, have the right to accept or refuse this offer. Just because she wants this does not mean she’s entitled to it. The same way when your dad proposed (assuming he was the one who did), she had a right to say yes or no to what was being proposed, you have that same right.
Freedom of choice. She can’t bully and push her way into a role in YOUR life if you don’t want it. You can thank her politely for the offer and then make it clear that you decline. End of discussion. Additionally, she’s the one putting your dad in a difficult position by saying she was going to speak to him (“wait until he hears about this”).
If she doesn’t want to see her husband in a difficult spot, she can grow up, accept that it’s not her choice to make and simply not put him in the middle of something that neither of them has a say in.” whitewalls101
9. AITJ For Rejecting My Husband's Choice Of Baby Name Because It's A Birth Control Brand?
“I (27f) am pregnant with our first child, and we found out we’re having a girl. Naturally, my husband (28m) and I have been discussing baby names pretty much constantly.
We’re sort of just throwing spaghetti at the wall to see what sticks, and half the names we throw out are jokes. “Boot is a beautiful name for a baby girl ha ha ha” etc.
So, yesterday my husband came home from work all giddy and flushed with excitement, and he told me he had the name, this is the one, I’m gonna love it.
I said great! Lay it on me! The name he was so over the moon for was Kyleena (for the unaware, this is the name of a brand of birth control). I laughed because I thought this was just another joke, and his face completely fell.
He asked what was wrong with it, and I explained that Kyleena is a birth control brand. He still fought for it, insisting that we can spell it differently, people won’t make the connection, it’s a beautiful name, and, most importantly, he really loves it and he thinks this is the one.
I said no, I am not naming my daughter after birth control. He said I was being a jerk for not even considering this name that he had truly envisioned for our baby girl and left the room. I can tell he’s still upset that I rejected his name.
He hasn’t mentioned any new names or made any jokes since, so I know he’s hung up on it. I just think it’s weird to name a baby after birth control. But anyway, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Something to keep in mind when naming a child is the potential for bullying.
Can the name be twisted with another word to mock the child? Does it sound like something else that can be used to dehumanize them? Can the spelling cause others to mispronounce it? People who bully are ruthless. I can already see a bully recognizing the name as a name for birth control and using that knowledge to imply to your child that you didn’t want them.
On top of that, teachers/other adults can bully too, so it’s not just the kids to worry about. The world can be cruel, don’t give it ammunition. I don’t want to be rude but your husband is being selfish and needs to get his head out of his butt.
Your kid has to live with that name, not him.” _Sir_Toaster_
Another User Comments:
“Is this pronounced like Kalina? Kalina/Calina is a name with Slavic origins. Kalina is also a name found in Polynesian cultures, most commonly Hawaiian. NTJ because you both need to agree, but perhaps you can think about using the name with its proper spelling to create some distance from the product?
I would also talk to your husband about why this name is so important to him. Even if this isn’t the one knowing that would help you two get on the same page.” EmpressJainaSolo
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. But this is kind of hilarious.
We are currently expecting our first child as well (a little boy) and we did the same thing! Several names were thrown in silliness and in seriousness. But like others are saying, it takes both to agree on something as important as your child’s name.
Especially when they have to live with it for the rest of their lives! I hope you guys can find some common ground though. P.S. We chose Owen for our baby’s name! He’s due in July and we can’t wait!” Prettyozzby
8. AITJ For Cutting Off Financial Support To My Daughter Because She Doesn't Communicate With Me?
“I want to start off by saying that I have done everything for my children.
I was there at the hospital for their births, signed the birth certificates, changed diapers, and always provided them with food and designer clothes. But my ex is extremely manipulative and has tried to turn my children against me since day one.
She manipulated my older daughter who refused to talk things out with me.
I will still forgive her once she finally decides to snap out of my ex’s manipulations and come back to me. My younger daughter “Sarah” and I had a great relationship until she suddenly flipped the switch in her senior year and also was poisoned against me.
When “Sarah” was applying for college I really didn’t want her to go far because she has book smarts but lacks common sense and I didn’t want her to fall for scams. I even offered to buy her a car if she lived with me and commuted to a local school.
But Sarah just said that the local programs didn’t have what she wanted. I found it insulting because I went to a local college and despite what my ex thinks, I am highly educated without some PhD.
Sarah did not listen to my input at all.
She and my ex barely involved me in her college application process. My ex was extremely unhelpful. I would just ask basic questions like tuition since I was going to spend considerable funds, and she would send website links. It would have only taken a few seconds for her to just answer the question so I could stay in the loop about what’s going on.
But this was just part of my ex’s way of turning Sarah against me. Sarah enrolled at an out-of-state college and I didn’t even find out until May because my ex didn’t bother telling me. I didn’t even get to see Sarah off at the airport since she didn’t tell me she’d left until after she was already gone.
I constantly text Sarah asking how things are going. I send her funny posts on social media and ask her to call me. I even offered to split the cost of airfare so Sarah could visit over the holidays. She only responds by email and it’s always her saying she’s too busy.
I am frustrated and tired of this. She is taking a lot of classes right now but I’m her father and it would only take a second of her day to just text me back or talk to me on the phone for five minutes.
I have supported and been providing for Sarah since day one. I am done being disrespected when I have bent over backward for 18 years to give her everything and have sent $7,000 just this year for her schooling. I could be doing a million other things with that money.
Maybe I am at fault for enabling it for so long but not anymore. I sent an email telling her that I am done with being disrespected and if she can’t even give me the time of day then my ex can find someone else to split the cost of her schooling with.
I sent the email over two hours ago and there’s been no response. I know my wording might seem harsh but I am just so done with being disrespected. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. The way you talk about the women in your life is upsetting and concerning.
Of course you paid for everything your kid needed during her childhood. That was your freaking responsibility. You don’t get a trophy for supporting the children you choose to bring into the world. You aren’t special. Now that she is 18, you could cut her off if you wanted to.
But, you’d be stupid to think that she’s going to come crawling back to play by your manipulative rules with all the hugs and kisses for her daddy. She’ll just do what most of us had to do. She’ll take out loans to cover what you stop paying.
You’ll probably never see her again. Forget about her potential future children. You won’t be their grandfather. I don’t think your wife had to turn your children against you. I think you did that all by yourself.” StacyB125
Another User Comments:
“YTJ.
“I was there at the hospital for their births, signed the birth certificates, changed diapers, and always provided them with food and designer clothes.” Apart from the designer clothes, that’s basic parenthood 101 (and providing food and clothes is the bare legal requirement for you as a parent to meet).
The only reason you’d be forgiven for not being at the hospital for their births is if external forces were preventing you. Saying you were there for the births is not the flex you use it as. If you think Sarah is too naïve to spot scams that’s a failing in how you were, or weren’t, a parent to her.
Was this switch flipping around the same time she expressed and you pushed against her uni plans?” lemon_charlie
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Trying to bribe your child to stay with you instead of finding the right college and widening her horizons is just beyond the pale.
Your daughter has now left and is studying. She should not be spending her time when in lectures waiting for texts or writing texts no matter from whom. I think she is fed up with your controlling behaviour and if you don’t turn it down she will probably block you and she will be right to do so.
Your choice that she should stay in the world you know, is just not right for her and I certainly hope she finds other ways of getting through her school without your help if that is how it ends. Money isn’t everything. She could always take a job and take out some study loans.
It would be easier for her if she doesn’t have to do that, but it will be better for her than being under your thumb.” FragrantEconomist386
7. AITJ For Wanting To Continue Stretching My Ears Despite My Partner's Dislike?
“I (30f) have been with my partner (30m) for just shy of a decade.
He’s a very clean-cut guy and very professional in appearance. I on the other hand have a sleeve of tattoos, dyed hair, and pierced ears. He works from home as a lead programmer for a company while I work as a manager/pet groomer.
Despite our opposite looks and career choices, we have lots of interests and opinions in common, if anything I think our differences help balance us out.
Some background that may help add context to our relationship. I started getting tattoos before we met but my biggest piece was done 2 years ago.
He’s not a big fan of tattoos and has absolutely no plan to ever get any (I’ve never pushed but I have asked if he’d get a tiny one with me) it’s not a big deal for me so after he said no, I’ve just left it.
He wasn’t a fan of my big piece, but because I’ve had ink done before he voiced some concerns about the amount of money I’ve spent but left it at that.
Fast forward to this past month. I’ve always liked the jewelry that people with stretched ears get to wear.
Some of it looks really cool/pretty and I, on a whim, decided I would stretch my current piercings. With the help and advice of a friend, I got a kit and have been working on stretching with the goal being about a 2g/0g max.
When I first told him about this he voiced that he really did not like how they looked and he did not want me stretching to the point where you could look through my ear or fit a pencil. I told him not to worry and that I’d stop before I got to the generally accepted “point of no return.” Today I was moving up from a 10g to an 8g and he was watching me moisturize and sanitize my jewelry and ears.
Once again he asked how big I was going and I showed him what a 2g looked like. He gave me an unpleasant look and explained that he again really disliked how gages and stretched ears looked. He further went on to explain that stretched ears were not my aesthetic as it was more “punk” where I fit more into “streetwear” or “gal” styles.
He doesn’t like how they look and doesn’t think I’ll look good with them.
I was disheartened. I took out my jewelry, packed them up, and put them away to maybe discard. I’m now sitting here debating whether I should continue stretching because it’s something I want for myself or if I should honor his wishes and stop.
I already pushed my luck with how many tattoos and how big they are so maybe I should give up on this one thing. I don’t want him to think I’m unattractive so I don’t want to change myself past what he’s willing to accept, but I also don’t want him to tell me what to do with my body.
So WIBTJ if I continued stretching my ears after my partner expressed how much he hates it?”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here you can continue to stretch if you want, despite knowing your partner isn’t keen, but your partner can then react as he finds appropriate.
If he’s truly put off by them then he might end up considering breaking up with you. Why did you ask his opinion if you weren’t going to be considerate of it?” Urbanyeti0
Another User Comments:
“Can we stop acting like as someone in a relationship you should just do whatever you want even though you know it might make your partner unattracted to you?
Why are people acting like attraction doesn’t matter anymore when you love someone? If my partner wanted to shave her head bald all of a sudden it’s her right to do it cause it’s her hair, but if I tell her that would put me off and she does it anyway I’m no more of a jerk if I end up leaving her, that’s her doing.” Aphelius90
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here, your body, your choice. Similarly his life, his choice. You’re not the jerk for wanting to do it. You are the jerk for expecting him to just go along with something he hates if you still want a relationship with him.
Stretched ears make me want to puke. I have friends with stretched ears and I just try not to look at them. There is no way I could do that with a partner with stretched ears. So, no jerks here.” gringaellie
6. AITJ For Not Wanting To Share Books I'm Currently Reading With My Sister?
“I (15M) love reading books, it’s my main hobby essentially. I also work part-time at a Mexican place, and I spend a fair bit of the money I bring in on books. My sister, Amy (12F) also likes to read, but she doesn’t really have any money to spend on things, and when she does buy stuff it’s usually things like dolls or makeup and all that kind of stuff.
So she mainly reads what I buy, which I am usually fine with, except, recently she has started being really annoying over wanting to read books I am currently reading. Also, I feel I have to mention she is a very fast reader, whereas I prefer to read slower and read multiple books at a time.
I recently purchased myself the Harry Potter book set, as I haven’t read them before. It took me about 3 days to read the first one, and the whole time she was asking stuff like “can I read it once you’re done?” And stuff like “are you finished yet I really wanna read it” when I literally have it open and am very clearly not done.
After I finished the first Harry Potter, I gave it to her and she finished it in 1 day. I’m about 2/3rds through the second Harry Potter book and she is now making similar comments about how she can’t wait to read it and stuff, and my mum is now also “encouraging me” to read the book when I am doing other things.
For example, I was playing on my phone and she walked up to me and said “why don’t you read that Harry Potter book, your sister is dying to read it!” Honestly, I don’t like the pressure. Reading is an activity I love to do to unwind, and sink into another world, not be under pressure to read fast, so that my sister can read it after me.
I’m thinking of just setting clear boundaries and saying if she keeps pressuring me I’m not going to let her read my books.
But I feel like a jerk because I love seeing her read and also talking about the books together is something we love to do.”
Another User Comments:
“Here’s a concept: bookmarks. You can both read the same book during the same time period so long as you use bookmarks. As the books are yours, you get priority—so if you are ready to read, she has to give the book back to you, but if you are currently doing something else, she gets to read and must make sure she leaves your bookmark in place.
Also, she gets to stop nagging you to finish. And she has to promise not to tell you spoilers. No jerks here. I strongly approve of teenagers reading!” YourLittleRuth
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – Anyone saying you’re the jerk is clearly an entitled younger sibling, just because they’re younger doesn’t mean they should be pandered to.
If she wanted to read the books she should have saved her money or your mother should purchase them. Tbh both your sister and mother are the jerk especially your mother condoning such spoiled behavior. If I were your mother I’d be ashamed and embarrassed honestly.
I feel bad for you, glad my mum would never.” Annual_Mixture_6227
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, I know some people will say that 3 years isn’t a big age gap.. but a 12-year-old to a 15-year-old, huge difference in stage of life and mindset. 12 is still a kid.
You can encourage your mom to start taking your sister and or both of you to a bigger town or city where they have a bookstore or 2 and have her buy your sister her own books, or at least encourage your sister to manage what money she does get, so she keeps some that she can use to buy her own books.
Also, if she’s a fast reader, you could let her read the second Harry Potter, so she overtakes you and she can read on ahead of you. Only on the basis she doesn’t spoil anything for you.” Yama858077
5. AITJ For Being Upset That My Father-In-Law's Partner Keeps Going Through My Things?
“My wife and I recently had a baby and as a result, we’ve set some family babysitting schedules to help us with daycare spend. One day a week my wife’s father and his partner come to my house to watch the baby. They both have a history of not respecting boundaries with their children…
A few months ago, my father-in-law’s partner was here watching the baby and before I left for work, she asked if she could do any laundry for me. I told her no thanks, I didn’t have much and I appreciated the offer. Getting back from work that evening, there were some freshly folded clothes on my bed. I got upset about the situation because she went into my bedroom, opened my closet, and looked for clothes to wash.
I understand her intentions were well but I didn’t appreciate her going into my room, into my closet. I felt like my privacy was invaded a bit. So I pulled her to the side and essentially told her, I appreciate you trying to help but I’d prefer you not going through my stuff in the future.
Fast forward to today, I come home from work, and she’s cleaned out and reorganized stuff in my office. Now, I’m upset. I just have a big problem with people going through my stuff for whatever reason. I haven’t said anything to her yet, but I wanted to call her angrily.
Another point is that there’s literally no reason to go into my office or bedroom while watching the baby. Nothing there for them. So I told my wife we need to have a conversation with them about this and she thinks I’m overreacting and she’s just trying to be nice but I would never in my life go anywhere in someone’s house that I didn’t need to be.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. The first time with the laundry she was already pushing it after she offered to help and you said no. But then you told her clearly that you didn’t want her invading your privacy, even if it was to try to do something to help you out.
She completely disregarded that, so you have every right to be upset. That being said, maybe your wife should be the one to address this since it’s her side of the family? One thing to note is that you should definitely make sure you and your wife are on the same page.
Is it possible you and she have been communicating different ideas of what is OK and helpful as far as cleaning when watching the baby?” Papyrus72846
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If you don’t have locking doorknobs to your room and office, I’d install them.
They don’t need to be in there. You are not overreacting, they are being rude and are invading your privacy. Your wife is wrong for pushing you to tolerate this, you definitely should not. If she won’t let you resolve this issue then the babysitting situation needs to be terminated.” NotThisAgain234
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You have already mentioned that you don’t like your things gone through and she did it again. You can tell them both again but that probably won’t have any effect. Might be a good idea to make other childcare arrangements.” IamIrene
4. AITJ For Declining A Bachelorette Party After Being Uninvited To The Wedding?
“Sometime last year, I was told by my friend that her bachelorette weekend would be coming up four months from then and to save the date. I was delighted: of course I would love to go and celebrate you!
A couple of weeks later, my friend reached out to me privately to let me know that she and her fiancé had decided to “elope” with a small wedding with 40 guests and 5 bridesmaids.
Due to capacity limitations, I was removed from the guest list; however, my presence at the bachelorette party is still desired if I am comfortable with it. At first, I didn’t see the issue and said that I would still like to be involved. Things happen.
The maid of honor (MOH) sent a text shortly after that with the dollar amount per person and the due date of the payment (one month from then). Split between 11 people, the total is just over $300 per person and does not include meals, parking, and other expenses.
Info: I was a bridesmaid in MOH’s wedding and participated in all the events including the bachelorette party and shower. These were weekend getaways and all involved several activities and outfits. We also had to purchase two dresses for the wedding, plus various accessories and gifts.
At first, I was okay with attending my friend’s bachelorette staycation, but after receiving the dollar amount, I do not feel comfortable attending an event that celebrates a wedding that I am not invited to. This is not an elopement in what I believe an elopement is.
This is just a small wedding. Small wedding should mean small celebration. I can afford the balance, but it’s the principle of the thing. I am being asked to contribute financially to an event, bring a gift, and adhere to a “dress code.”
Two days after the balance notification was announced, I contacted my friend to let her know that I would need to decline the event.
She was understanding.
MOH, however, sent me a long and condescending text about how my declining now leaves everyone on the hook for my share of the cost. She went on to say that having more people on the trip makes the trip more affordable for everyone, and although she’s glad that it benefits me not to go, this is leaving everyone high and dry for my share of the trip.
Am I the jerk for declining a bachelorette party that I had previously accepted when I am not invited to the wedding?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.. but also, the MOH’s opinion isn’t even important here. She has some nerve if you ask me. If her issue is the price went up, you should tell her to go find another person to bring the number back up to 11.
And make sure to let her know that common sense saved the day.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Nobody is confirmed until you understand and consent to the amount. In my circle, it’s not even confirmed until you send the actual Venmo. It would be a no jerks here if it weren’t for the MOH.
Everyone except her is pretty reasonable here.” Appropriate_Buyer401
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Bride is incredibly rude for this one, and shame on MOH for enabling it. Inviting people to a bachelorette party before you’re even certain they’ll be invited to the wedding is ridiculous, and going “whoops, we decided to kick you off the guest list, but please fork over your money anyway” is inexcusable. And you’re absolutely correct – 40 guests and 5 bridesmaids is not an “elopement.” That’s a whole, traditional wedding. ” DiTrastevere
3. AITJ For Calling The Police When The Parents I Was Babysitting For Didn't Return Home?
“I (23f) was asked to babysit for a date night while the parents went to a wedding yesterday. I was supposed to have a baby boy, 13 weeks old, and his sister, 2 years old, from 5 to 11 p.m. This is not my first time watching either child.
Our evening went as smoothly as it could with a toddler and baby. I got them to bed by 7:30 and started putting the house back together. At 10:15 p.m., I got a text from the parents asking if I could stay until 12 p.m., and I told them that was fine and to have fun.
12:15 rolls around, and I haven’t heard from the parents. I sent a text asking if they were close and didn’t get a response. I can be pretty anxious, so my mind started thinking they got into an accident or something bad happened. I didn’t hear from them after 5 minutes and then decided to call, but got no answer.
1 a.m. rolls around, and the baby has already woken up to feed again, and I’m just overly anxious at this point. It’s 1 a.m., and I have no one to call to calm me down. I would never assume that a late parent is just a late parent at 1 a.m. So I am just on our city’s Twitter page, where they’ll let you know road conditions and accidents, seeing if something happened within the last hour and a half but nothing.
2 a.m. rolls around, and I kid you not, I have called around 15 times and received no answer from either parent. I wanted to call the police at that point but also didn’t want the kids woken up and taken out of the house at 2 a.m. I was hoping that the parents would walk in, and although I’d be angry, at least they’re fine, but again, that didn’t happen.
At 5 a.m., I decided to call the police and report the parents missing, and I told them I couldn’t keep them after having them all night. The police showed up at 5:22 a.m. and took a statement from me. I was asked for the parents’ numbers, and the police asked if I could stay with the kids until they could figure out what exactly they were going to do.
At this point, the neighbors are outside, and the woman directly next door told me she could stay with them, but I didn’t know their relationship to her, so I told her I’d wait with the kids for a bit. At 5:48 a.m., they roll up and are greeted by the police.
The mom ran into the house, thinking something had happened to the kids, and sighed when she saw they were there.
“Our phones died, and we didn’t know how to get home from the venue,” is what she said to me, and I was fuming!
I called them irresponsible and the worst parents I’ve ever worked for. I demanded she pay me on the spot, and I left. I got a super long message about how this is my job and I’m a huge jerk for disrespecting them and calling the police.
She felt like I could’ve left them with the neighbors or called the emergency contacts, not the police. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You actually did the right and safest thing. Also it’s 2024, who in this day and age doesn’t have either a portable charger or car phone charger?
They are parents. They should have been prepared for their phone dying. Also they got lost for THAT long? Nah, something fishy there imo. Wipe your hands of them. You didn’t do anything wrong.” MyPath2Follow
Another User Comments:
“Totally 100% NTJ. “Our phones died, and we didn’t know how to get home from the venue.” That’s just total nonsense.
If they’re that irresponsible they deserve the cops to be called. They left you worrying for hours, to the point you checked for accidents. “I demanded she pay me on the spot, and I left. I got a super long message about how this is my job and I’m a huge jerk for disrespecting them.” That’s some projection going on right there.
I wouldn’t work for them again. I’d put the word out so other people in the neighborhood know what they’re like.” Apart-Ad-6518
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Who in 2024 would let their phone die, especially as a parent of two very small children when they know they need their phone to get directions to home?
Even if they had noticed that their phones were dead, assuming they weren’t in the middle of nowhere…. there would have been a phone somewhere (borrow a friend/acquaintance’s phone, use the location’s phone, find a hotel) that they could have used to give you a call (or call someone to call you) to let you know the situation.
Hiring a babysitter for a set number of hours doesn’t mean it’s your job to stay all night until whenever they decide to come home. Assuming they did get their phones charged in order to get home, how on earth did they not see all of your calls and messages and call or text you immediately to let you know what’s going on?
This is all insane and completely irresponsible of the parents, and you did nothing wrong.” fallingintopolkadots
2. AITJ For Snapping At A Stranger Who Commented On My Post-Work Smell?
“I am a 23 y/o woman, the other two women involved were (and I’m estimating, I don’t know them) a mother around 45 and her mid-late teenage daughter.
So I just left the pharmacy where this took place and I’m writing this in the car before I head out, but I was waiting in line to pick up my prescription. The line was pretty long, it went all the way down an aisle a few feet from the counter.
I’m chilling in line, it’s inching along, and about ten minutes into waiting, this woman and her daughter come out of a different aisle and start browsing the one that the line is in. They’re talking about what they want to get, and suddenly the daughter goes “does something smell like a grease trap to you?” I laugh and turn around and say “yeah, that tends to happen after 11 hours in a kitchen” in a casual, joking tone.
The mother makes a face and says “well you smell awful. You could at least have the decency to go home and shower first.”
I didn’t expect a stranger to get nasty with me, and after a long day, I didn’t have the grace for it, especially with over an hour of driving ahead of me.
I also didn’t feel like explaining to the woman that I had about 1.5 hours of driving ahead, that I wasn’t going home first, and to take this little detour would’ve meant 50 minutes of driving (30 from work to home, 20 from home to pharmacy) instead of 15 (from work to pharmacy).
So, I snapped back “well maybe you could have the decency to mind your own darn business!”
She chastised me for being rude and stormed away with her daughter saying she was going to tell the store I’m “mistreating her”. Nothing happened. Ten more minutes later and I had my meds, and now I’m here wondering if maybe I snapped a bit too hard.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, you’re right they need to mind their business. I was raised not to point out anything someone can’t fix right then and there so like: DO let them know their fly’s down, they’ve got food in their teeth, etc. DON’T tell them they need a shower – because they probably already know and there’s nothing they can do about it in the moment.
Also I woulda been like “I may smell awful, but I’m still sweeter than your rank attitude.”” PumpKiing
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You were rude but not really out of line, at all, the mother should have had the good sense to not double down on being mean if the daughter didn’t realize she had said something somewhat clueless.
People who work in restaurants also have to go to pharmacies while they are open. It isn’t like you were covered in sewage or waste, obviously, the people with those jobs would have to find some way to wash up first.” mlc885
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You could be very ill and not show it. You could be diabetic and need supplies. You could just not want to leave the house again after working 11 hours. Those are all legit reasons for being there and being fragrant. My mom had lung cancer.
I would drop her at the entrance to UCLA Hospital and drive to find a handicapped spot. This is so I was not half a mile away when she got out of chemo. One lady started in on me with the “you don’t need that spot” nonsense.
I laid into her because I needed the spot a lot more than I needed the insult. Sometimes you just react. To me, it is because you have a reason for being down, but are still feeling okay until some jerk tells you what you didn’t need to hear.
Instant loss of patience for me! And she doesn’t get to talk to you like that and expect meekness. So you have that too! NTJ!” fromhelley
1. AITJ For Not Letting My Daughter Use My Wedding Dress To Make A Suit?
“My (44f) daughter (25f) is getting married later this year to her partner (27f).
I have always dreamed of walking her down the aisle (my husband passed when she was a child) and she enjoyed talking about a future wedding and playing bride when she was a child, picking flowers and colors and venues.
She loved watching the videos of my wedding and seeing me and her father get married and it was important in our bonding. When she was thirteen I promised her my wedding dress.
However her clothing style is more manly, she began refusing to wear dresses or skirts when she was in her late teens, even trying to demand her school to allow her to wear trousers, and it was difficult convincing her to wear dresses to formal events.
She has gone through phases of wanting short hair, wanting to be a boy, and getting tattoos. I have always been very supportive of all of this, even when she met her partner and proposed to her. I have encouraged her as much as I can.
I am contributing significantly to the wedding.
I recently called and asked her when she wanted me to bring over the dress as it would likely need slight alterations and she dropped the bombshell on me that she wanted to wear a SUIT and have my wedding dress altered to remove the skirt portion so that the bodice could be worn with trousers.
At first, I agreed but dragged my feet bringing the dress over. After a few weeks, I changed my mind and told her that the dress was important to me and I didn’t want her to ruin it. When I promised her the dress it was because I thought she would wear it as a dress, and she will only get to wear it if it is a dress.
I offered that her partner could wear it as a dress instead but my daughter said that would still be ruining it (her partner is a much larger woman than me so it would need more altering) and has since not been answering my messages except with saying that the dress would be a connection to her dad so she is disappointed not to have it.
I offered to go dress shopping with her for a replacement but apparently, some of our family think I am stopping her from having the dress because I disagree with her being masculine.
AITJ for telling her she can have it as a dress or not have it at all?
I may be the jerk because I promised it to her, but that was when she was very young, and before I knew she wanted to change it.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You offered to ‘lend’ or let her ‘use’ your dress – not tear it apart in a way that destroys it forever.
This dress is yours, with living, breathing memories attached to it. If it cannot be returned to you in its original state, then NO, you are not the jerk for changing your mind about this. You might need to ask a professional seamstress about what is possible.
I’m sure you have other possessions that actually belonged to her dad, and she may be able to incorporate one of them or re-create your bouquet, cake, or something similar if that connection is what she’s seeking.” TrainingDearest
Another User Comments:
“Basically, you want your wedding dress to remain a dress.
And your daughter would like to incorporate it into her wedding outfit, but she doesn’t want it to be a dress anymore. If you allow her to alter it, it will still be a family heirloom — but it won’t be a vintage dress. I think you’re within your rights to simply tell her that the dress has terrific sentimental value to you and you’d like it to remain intact.
Make sure her suit looks awesome though. NTJ.” wonderfulkneecap
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. It’s fine to say something like “I know I promised it when you were a kid, but the dress is very important to me the way it is, as a memory of your father.” Then it’d be no jerks here.
But your post absolutely drips of disdain that you are thinly trying to cover. You bold SUIT like it’s so shocking and wrong. You tell her you don’t want her to “ruin it”. And you offered to go “DRESS shopping with her”. Not wedding outfit shopping, DRESS shopping.
It is your dress, but she wants to make it her own, to honor her father. You want it as a memory of your husband….that’d be fine. But, this isn’t about her changing it (because you seem fine with her future wife significantly altering it as long as it is still a dress), this is about how you don’t want her wearing a suit.” Usrname52
