People Discuss Their Questionable "Am I The Jerk?" Stories
23. AITJ For Refusing To Give My Family More Money?
“I was born into a culture that when a child gets old enough they give money to their parents. I have friends of the same culture who are working 2-3 jobs to support family back home.
And I guess if I had decent parents I would help.
I am the youngest and only daughter of 5 kids. At 3 I was taking care of my older brothers. I was always told that the boys were special. My mom even called me an accident. There are family photos where my parents and brothers are in it and I’m not.
They’ve taken trips and left me at home… I wasn’t even 10 yet. My only outlet was school. I went early and stayed late taking extra classes and activities. I skipped ahead and was accepted into several different programs. My family didn’t care. As long as I cooked and cleaned I could be gone all day.
8 years ago when I was 20 and in university, I received an opportunity to move to Seattle to work for a famous tech company. I took the offer and told my family that I was leaving when I was at the airport.
My parents emailed me constantly, not congratulating me but asking for money. 3 of my brothers are married with wives and kids.
Everyone lives in the house so my parents say that I must support the family. My father and brothers want to stop working and if I give them 3k a month they can. I only gave them money once 6 years ago. It was more than what my dad made in 10 years. But they blew through it.
Buying TVs and paying for a huge wedding.
I refuse to give more.
My friends say that I’m a jerk and since I’m ‘rich’ now I have to support my family and that I shouldn’t let my past affect things.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Not no but God no! You didn’t have a family.
You were nothing more than a servant to them. They didn’t include you in pictures and left you at home on vacation. Block everyone who tells you to give them money. I am sorry but you need to cut all these people out of your life since they don’t care about you. You spend your money on what you want and save for your future.
You don’t owe them anything. They did nothing for you your entire life. You enjoy going forward and leave them in the back.” mcmurrml
Another User Comments:
“You would not be the first person to go against their culture. Your culture is very misogynistic and maybe it is my outsider’s view but I see no problem with telling your family you will not be supporting them.
The boys are not special and treating them as such has not done them any favors obviously. Again, outsiders view, but they have families, live with their parents, and now want to stop working and have you support them? It sounds like a joke! Separate yourself from their screwed-up ways! NTJ.” Top_Ad5114
22. AITJ For Telling My Husband He Needs To Buy My Daughter A New Piano?
“My husband & I have been together for 2 and a half years. I have a daughter ‘Callie’, she’s 13, and she loves instrumental music and piano has been her #1 interest. I’m not saying this because she’s my daughter but really, I see her talent as special, and more importantly… she uses it to express her feelings, especially for her deceased father who passed away when she was 7.
She always says that she, in a way connects to him through playing piano. So I encouraged her to do more and her grandparents bought her a $6000 piano that she was so thrilled with.
The whole family encourages her but my husband thinks she’s being distracted from school, real future etc. He doesn’t attend her plays, doesn’t help with the academy, doesn’t even take the time to listen to her play, and every time he comes home and hears her playing upstairs, he lectures us about how this activity is just a waste of time.
I sat him down and told him about Callie picking up on that bad vibe, he got mad and said that he was doing my job for me and ensuring she doesn’t get distracted from school although her grades are good.
We went back and forth on this and I made it clear that this should stop.
He said okay and that was the end of it.
On Sunday a huge argument ensued in the house because my husband claimed Callie woke him up on his day off with her loud playing. He issued an ultimatum, either the piano goes or he gets rid of it himself. I asked where should I take it?
He said Callie’s grandparents’ house but Callie didn’t want to. After we left I found out that my husband took it to the junkyard his dad works at and cut it into pieces.
A big argument ensued and we literally had a screaming match in front of his family over this. I gave him 2 days to pay for a new one despite him apologizing and saying he acted in a moment of desperation and frustration.
He said the only way he could pay for it is using his savings that were supposed to go towards his new garage as a side business. He complained about me forcing him to pay and ruining his business before it even started.
He kept sending his family as middlemen to get me to give him at least 4 months but I refused and stood my ground despite being called unreasonable since it’s a piano vs new business.
AITJ for forcing him to pay and not giving him time?”
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here. Your husband for obvious reasons. You for thinking that even if he were willing to pay, that would solve the fact you’re married to a man who thought this was an acceptable thing to do in the first place.
Just talk to your lawyer about how you get restitution out of him in the divorce settlement, and don’t subject your daughter to any more of this nonsense for any longer.” User
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. And there is 0 chance he destroyed it in a moment of frustration. This was at least a few hours of planning, waiting for you to be gone, calling help over (probably arranged ahead of time and waiting for his call) and a good bit of thought went into how to make it work during a brief window you’d be gone.
He had to have had at least 1 other person come over to help him carry and load a piano. Probably more than one. There’s a very good chance this was in fact days or more of planning. And at no time did he calm down enough to change his mind and NOT hurt a 13-year-old girl.
If it were me, I’d give him 1 business day to have that amount withdrawn or at least have an appointment to do so (depending on whether the bank requires it) or I’d call the police and report the theft and destruction. Your marriage is probably over, at least I hope so. Getting your daughter’s piano replaced and getting out safely is all that matters.
Let him be mad. Let him think it’s unreasonable. You’re way past that. You aren’t forcing him to pay – you’re giving him the chance to before he’s charged with a possible felony for theft and destruction. He can take it or leave it, but you aren’t making him do anything. It’s his responsibility to make amends for what he did, all by himself.” Nevaie
21. AITJ For Lying To My Fiancé's Mom About The Name Of Our Baby?
“My fiancé (25M) and I (23F) are expecting a baby girl next month, we’re really excited as this is our first child and we’ve been trying to prepare for parenthood. A lot of our family have been helping us with baby stuff and giving us general advice, they’re also really super excited for her!
Especially my FMIL.
She’s a very stubborn person and hasn’t really accepted me as a part of the family yet, she always tells my fiancé how he could do so much better than me and that he’s fallen into the trap of having ‘my’ child. It’s hurt me a lot and my fiancé has had a talk with her about it but she still hasn’t apologised or anything so I just tend to ignore it now.
She’s also one of them mums who posts every little detail of their life to social media like when my fiancé proposed she went straight to social media before we could announce it ourselves.
Recently my fiancé and I have been coming up with names for our little girl and we both decided on the perfect name.
A few days ago on a phone call, my fiancé accidentally slipped up by telling my FMIL that we’d chosen a name. She’s been messaging us non-stop and calling us to find out the name, we don’t want to tell her until the baby is born so that it doesn’t ruin the surprise and the whole of social media finds out before we are comfortable telling everyone.
She tried guilt-tripping my fiancé by telling him how he’s hurting her by not telling his own mother the name of her grandchild, that he doesn’t love her, and that we (especially me) are gonna try and keep her from seeing the baby. I’m not sure why she would think that as nothing we have said has suggested it.
To stop her from getting on my fiancé’s back I wrote a message saying that if she wanted to know she couldn’t post it on social media, she agreed and I told her a fake name. 5 minutes later into checking social media:
‘I can’t believe I’m going to be a granny to baby Charlotte next month.
So proud of (fiancé’s name) and his partner!’
My fiancé was furious and called her and told her that she was wrong to announce it. She said that she was so overjoyed by it that she couldn’t resist. He told her how that wasn’t even the name and that we weren’t gonna tell her until she was born and hung up.
It’s been a few days and my fiancé has been getting texts from her saying that she didn’t mean it and that I’m the jerk for telling her the wrong name. Her words were ‘Who even tells their FMIL the wrong name of their grandchild?’
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Do everything you can to prevent her from knowing you’ve gone into labor.
Do not tell her anything until the baby is born. Otherwise, she will make you miserable during the birthing process. And if she somehow finds out, don’t hesitate to instruct the nurses to keep her out. I told the nurses I absolutely did not want my MIL in with me, and they kept her out.” mama_bear_taylor
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
She’s a bad mom and an even worse grandmother and her son needs to stand up for himself and tell her that she either learns to respect him or she gets out of his life for good.
She’s going to hurt your child.” [deleted]
20. AITJ For Not Wanting To Drive My Sister To The Airport?
“My sister visited my partner and me interstate for the weekend 3 weeks ago.
It’s not unusual for my sister to fly over on short notice so these trips tend to be loosely planned to just hang out. I work in the travel industry so I get her extremely discounted flights so she can come and visit.
On a Sunday night, she decided she would leave the following morning, booked a flight for 9 a.m., told me and my partner she was going to order an Uber early, and went to bed. All was fine.
Monday morning comes and she realizes the Uber fare is $50. It’s a 16km trip to the airport but due to the crazy traffic in my city, it’s an unpredictable journey in terms of time to get there. Last time she came it took her 1.5 hours to get there one way and $150 fare because of the surcharge (there was a crash so it was really bad) my sister earns a well above average income, by the way, and gets a discount on travel due to my benefits so the trip was already affordable.
When she realized the price of the Uber she asked (but kind of demanded) that I drive her. I said I started work in less than 2 hours and was concerned about being back in time. She LOST IT at me, yelling, crying, calling me selfish, and yelling about how she would do this for me, etc. I tried explaining that it’s not because I don’t want to it’s that I’m worried I won’t get back to work in time if there’s a crash or something.
She didn’t believe me and continued with the outburst. My perspective is:
1: She knows how easy a trip can blow out into a 2-hour round journey. We also have tolls and I always pick her up from the airport. I feel like she’s happy for me to pay to take her to and from the airport and get cheap airfares but it’s selfish of me to ‘ask her’ to get her own way on a Monday morning in peak hours.
3: She does this constantly – finds a reason to be angry at me and my concerns or feelings are never factored in. It’s been like this our entire childhood she expects me to cater to her fully even at my own disadvantage.
She ended up storming out of the house sobbing. My partner chased after her to make sure she was okay and then got the car keys and said we’ll take her so as to not leave the weekend on an even worse note.
We got back in time for work… but now I’m conflicted if I am the jerk. It’s been 3 weeks and we haven’t spoken except she texted me out of the blue to abuse me, criticize me, and say as her sister I should make sacrifices. And also that I’m trashy because I don’t surprise her with gifts and spend money on her.
In retrospect, I could have offered to wake up extra early and drive her but it didn’t occur to me because she had already planned the ride there!
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“So let’s get this straight. She travels on your discounts. She does it on short notice so you can’t really plan ahead for it.
She lets you pay for the travel to and from the airport. She promises to do one thing to save you some time and money, then breaks that promise. Then she abuses you because you won’t do what she wants until you do it. But you think you’re the jerk. Does that make sense? NTJ.” Guess_What_I_Think
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Let me get this straight, she is now demanding surprise gifts & money? Does she do that for you? Does she pay for anything for you? Does she invite you to visit her and pick you up? While at your place, does she ever take you out to a meal to thank you for hosting her?
If she is so unhappy with how you are treating her, stop inviting her over. Don’t let her take advantage of your discount. Don’t let her stay at your place. Don’t do anything for her. After all, you want her to be happy and since you can’t make her happy, you are bowing out.” Comment7215
19. AITJ For Going Off At My Husband After He Tried To Jump In The Lake?
“My (F 27) husband (M 29) and I have been married for seven years and do not have any issues with respecting each other’s boundaries.
This past weekend he completely disregarded me and I can’t get it out of my head so I have to know if I was in the wrong.
For some context, I was the sober driver to our group of siblings and friends and we had been out at a bar drinking.
We all had a great time and headed home. At this point, I was the only sober person by a long shot. My husband suggested we go join the neighbors which was a group of middle-aged women partying. We don’t know them. I went out and told him that it was rude to invite ourselves to someone else’s house without their permission and to leave the idea alone.
Not even ten minutes later our other brother who is single came in and told us that my husband was making him feel uncomfortable trying to get him and everyone else to go over there to join the neighbors. So I went back outside and told him to cut it out. I told him he was making our brother and now me, uncomfortable (I was inside cooking food to help everyone sober up and everyone else was outside on the deck).
Once I finished, I was slightly annoyed but went outside to join everyone. The next thing I know my husband and his friend (M 25) stand up and start walking toward the dock. I asked them what they were doing and he said they were hot so they decided to go jump in the lake. It is pitch black out and they had both had over 7 shots that I counted in addition to many drinks.
I told him absolutely not. That is not safe. He rolled his eyes at me and turned to continue walking to the dock.
At this point, I was mad. I yelled out to him that was fine. I just won’t be the one to tell our kids why their dad died and went back inside to get ready for bed. He ignored me the rest of the night and when I made him come in to have a conversation with me, he kept rolling his eyes.
I told him I felt like he disrespected me and owed me an apology for crossing the line. He insisted that he did nothing wrong. I tried to have a conversation to explain why his actions were inappropriate but he didn’t see it and instead countered that they didn’t even jump in. They just put their feet in.
I ended up going to bed and we haven’t talked about it since. He thinks things are back to normal but knows that I am being short with him. This was an adults-only weekend and no children were present at any point. So AITJ for taking things too far with what I said?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – your husband was wasted and belligerent. It was a safety hazard and there was nothing wrong with you trying to stop him. I don’t think he’s mad at you though, he’s more embarrassed that he acted that way. I don’t even think what you said was so bad. In fact, I would have said it this way, ‘Just think about what the kids are going to think when I have to tell them why you died.'” SquishyBeth77
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, swimming and drinking should never, EVER mix. Let alone swimming after 7 shots plus other drinks. You saved his life and he needs to learn to drink moderately so you don’t have to swoop in to save the day.” purple235
18. AITJ For Not Wanting My Brother To Bring A Family Friend As His Plus One To My Wedding?
“This story focuses on ‘A’ (F 30), a family friend that I have known for about 15 years. We met A because our parents became friends. I’ve never considered A my friend but I’m friendly when I see her.
Though my mom and brother are very close friends with her. I have never really liked A. I thought she was annoying and we don’t have much in common. I really started to dislike her when 3 years ago she made comments to me about how my body was gross and my sister looked so much better than me.
That really hurt my feelings and I really distanced myself from her.
Now to the present: My fiancé (M 27) and I (F 27) got engaged a month ago and are getting married in a year. Last week when I stopped by my mom’s house A was there. She was asking a bunch of wedding questions and I told her that we had nothing planned besides the date and venue.
She then told me not to worry about hair and makeup because that was my wedding gift from her because she’s a hairstylist. I thanked her for the offer but told her I was going to probably use the lady who’s cut my hair for the last 5 years. She continued to insist that she was going to do my hair.
After some back and forth, she dropped it, said she had to go, and left. My mom was gushing about how nice it was of her to gift me that. I told her it was rude of her to 1 invite herself to my wedding and 2 keep pushing when I politely declined. I told my mom that A was not getting an invite to my wedding for the reasons I explained above.
Both my fiancé and I don’t like her and have both been clear that she was not getting invited. My mom was really offended that I was not inviting A. She ended up telling my brother A was not getting an invite, so he told his significant other that they were not getting his plus one and he was taking A instead because she deserved to go to my wedding because I’ve known her for 15 years.
I told my brother that A could not be his plus one and if he is not bringing his significant other he’s not getting a plus one.
I know my brother isn’t concerned about not having someone he knows at my wedding because 3 of his childhood friends have been invited. He and my mom don’t want A to feel left out so that was their solution to A not having an invite.
So am I the jerk for telling my brother he can’t bring A as his plus one?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but your wedding day will be one big blur if you do it right. Send an invite to your brother’s SO if you want them there & don’t give your brother a +1. I’d have an honest conversation with A to let them know personally that you don’t view them as your friend & you want them to honor your wishes & not attend even if asked; you may be a jerk for doing it but a justified one if that’s how you honestly feel.” Few-Entrepreneur383
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You were clear as to why you did not want her there. What your brother is doing is a jerk move. So it’s either his SO comes or no plus one at all. You have a right to not want A there. She was also being super pushy about something you kept declining.
And she shouldn’t have just assumed she was invited in the first place. You need to make certain no one else can make A their plus one either. If need be tell them all, either they listen to your boundaries or they aren’t going to be there. Or you could always just say that’s it, we have changed our minds and are going to elope!
Seriously, it sounds like your mother and brother will try to get someone else who is invited to make A your plus one. And I really think you need to be very clear that you do not want her there and to put a stop to this before it gets worse. I kinda wish you could have security at your wedding, like make a list of who can be there and have a bouncer or security-like person to uphold it.” Psycuteowl
17. AITJ For Going To The Restaurant Where My Husband's Family Was Having A Family Dinner I Wasn't Invited To?
“I (32F) have been married to my husband (35M) for 3 years.
We went out for 2 years before that. I want to start this off by saying that he really is a good guy in other areas.
My husband’s parents, his 2 brothers (ages 38 and 40ish), and his brothers’ partners/fiancées have a tradition of going out to dinner once a month. I am invited about 50% of the time.
I’ve talked to my husband’s brother’s fiancée, and she says she is invited every time.
When I say I’m not invited, I mean that my husband tells me ‘I’m going to the family dinner. It’s probably best if you sit this one out.’ When I expressed that I wanted to come, he told me that it would be for the best if I didn’t.
It has caused several fights.
About a week ago, my husband went to a family dinner that I wasn’t invited to. I was very mad. So earlier that day, I called and made a reservation at the restaurant they were going to. My husband left the house, not knowing about my reservation, and I left 15 minutes after him.
I ended up seated at a table where I couldn’t see his family. So I got up as if I was going to the bathroom and walked right past them. They were all there, including his brothers’ SOs. My husband looked completely shocked and asked me what I was doing there. I told him that I had just been dying for a steak, so I came and got one at the restaurant.
My mother-in-law said it was very rude of me to interrupt their family dinner. I pointed out that I wasn’t trying to join them, I was just going to the bathroom. I told them to have a good meal and I left. I went and finished my steak by myself.
My husband was really mad when he came home, and he told me that he couldn’t believe how much of a jerk I had been.
I said that he was a jerk for not inviting me to his dinners when his brothers’ SOs got to go. My husband said that the decision to invite was between him and his family, and I should respect it.
So I wanted to ask if I am the jerk. Am I?”
Another User Comments:
“OMG, I am stunned. There are family dinners that all the SOs are invited to but you aren’t and your husband goes anyway? Sweetheart, he should be refusing any contact with his family unless you are included, that you come as a boxed set and they can’t have one without the other. This is so obvious to anyone who reads this.
I feel so sad for you. Truly, a husband should be his wife’s no.1 supporter and be the first to jump up on her behalf when an injustice is taking place. How can that man’s conscience allow him to drive off, leaving you home on your own, while he eats dinner in a restaurant with ‘his family’.
Honey, you’re supposed to be HIS family. Get out… leave. This man doesn’t deserve you.” Tobywillygal
Another User Comments:
“I really wanna say you’re not the jerk but I’m going with ‘everyone sucks here’. And to be clear, the only reason I think you suck is because you should be better to yourself and throw the trash out.
Assuming you’re telling the truth, your in-laws are all garbage people. But your husband is the worst. You are his family. But the fact remains that your behavior wasn’t to prove a point. You just went (deliberately crossed paths) to stir the pot. If your husband so very clearly doesn’t value you, don’t engage in high-school behavior, find someone else who does.” geek_yogurt
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Sorry, but your husband doesn’t think about you at all!!! And what happens when you have children, will he ask his children not to go? Or ask that only he and his children go and you stay at home!
Neither your husband nor his family see you as part of the family and he already shows you that he is taking their side!
Sorry, but your marriage would not survive because your husband doesn’t care about you!” Annmenmen
16. AITJ For Telling My Partner's Family To Leave My House For Tying Up My Dog?
“I (M 48) have a partner named ‘Mariah’ (F 40) whom I’ve been seeing for two years. I live in the northeast USA. I also have a dog ‘Boots’ (M 3) – Boots is a working dog breed, but is well-behaved and loved by my friends and neighbors. He has the run of the house, and I also have a big fenced-in backyard for him to run around in.
Mariah grew up in the South on a farm. She’s been around dogs before, but they’ve always been outside dogs that worked the farm and slept in the barn or kennels. She never had an ‘indoor’ dog like Boots and it was an adjustment to get used to him, but she loves him now. She did mention to me that her mother would never get used to an indoor dog, and would absolutely not allow a dog in the kitchen.
Mariah’s mom and brothers wanted to visit her, but Mariah lives in a small one-bedroom apartment and doesn’t have the room for them. Their family also can’t afford a hotel. Mariah asked if the family could stay in my house. My house has plenty of space, so I agreed. They came, and things mostly went well, but as expected, Mariah’s mom kept making comments about Boots being allowed indoors, and how that wasn’t right.
I told them (gently) that I’ll keep Boots from bothering them (not allowing him in their bedrooms, trying to keep him underfoot), but this is my home, with my rules and Boots gets to hang indoors with me. Aside from being around, Boots didn’t do anything to provoke them. He generally chills in whatever room I’m in unless someone is actively playing with him.
One morning, I woke up late and came downstairs to see Mariah’s family making/eating breakfast. I noticed that Boots wasn’t around and I asked where he was. Mariah’s mom said, ‘Dogs don’t belong in the kitchen, so we put him outside.’ I was slightly annoyed, but Boots likes being outside, so I figured it wasn’t a big deal. I looked out the window thinking I would see him on my back deck (his usual spot) but he wasn’t there.
I stepped outside to find him, and still couldn’t see him. I went around the corner of the house and found Boots tied up to the fence using rope from kindling bundles I have for my fire pit.
After untying Boots, I went back inside and asked Mariah’s mom why they tied up my dog.
She said that dogs shouldn’t be allowed to run around, and she was just treating him like a dog should be treated.
I told them to pack their stuff and get out. Mariah and her mom called me a jerk because they had nowhere else to go. I said that was their problem, if they couldn’t respect me and my dog, they had to get out.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your house, your rules. He’s a working dog breed but not an actual working dog. You don’t keep house pets outside. Plenty of people on farms have working dogs in kennels outside and pet dogs inside.
No offense but screw ‘Mariah’s’ mother for being so blasé about deciding what’s good for your dog in your house.
I HATE when people think they can come in and just change stuff. I’d never do anything like that in someone else’s home.
Please ask Boots about who might be a good boy because I think he might be one. I just want confirmation for my files.” Lupin13
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
They could have just let him be outside.
They tied him up, not even with his leash or anything! Some dirty rope you used for wood!
I would have thrown them all out too. You don’t come into someone else’s house as a guest and mistreat anyone who lives there.
They did it to be spiteful. I would throw the woman out too.
She knows they crossed a line and has clearly shown that she’s not used to Boots living in his own home the way he does since she did nothing to stop them from being horrible to him.” ShibeDogeBork
15. AITJ For Only Being Able To Provide A Simple Life For My Kids?
“I’m 26f, my kids are twins, 7f/m, John and Jill. They’re great kids, and I couldn’t ask for better. 5 months ago, we lost the house that I inherited from my grandmother in a housefire. We were out of the house at the time, and luckily so was our cat so we all were physically unharmed. Our house and everything in it was destroyed and in hindsight, I should have gotten insurance but never did.
I’ve been renting a 2bed/1bath for the past few months, but I’ve had to furnish it myself. I’ve prioritized the important things first. Beds, dining table, the basics. I’ve managed to pick up a few toys/books for the kids along the way but nothing extravagant and I won’t lie, I stick them in front of the TV far too much.
My brother lives in Canada and he came back home to visit for the first time in a few years. He can be a judgemental jerk at times, so we don’t speak much, but he came to visit me and the kids in our new place (he knows about the situation) the other day, and needless to say he was appalled.
He was asking why the kids don’t have toys, why none of us have a bedframe, and why I’m living like we’re poor. I said he knows why we’re living like this and that it’s the best I’ve been able to do after losing everything we had.
He said I should be prioritizing my kids’ happiness over anything else, and if making sure they’re happy is so difficult I shouldn’t have them.
I told him my kids were happy, pointed out what they do have, and to get out of my house if he was going to be acting like a jerk within earshot of the kids.
Before he left, he turned to my kids and said, ‘I’m sorry your mommy is making you unhappy’. He texted later and told me he’d help me find somewhere ‘more affordable’ to live so I could get my kids somewhere decent to sleep and something to play with so they wouldn’t get bored in 5 minutes.
He’s making it seem like I’m neglecting my children and like I’m a terrible mother and it’s genuinely got me wondering if I’m being a jerk by not providing them with more, despite not having the means to. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Good lord. It’s 50/50 for me. Not having homeowners insurance is incredibly short-sighted and just bad, as I know you know now.
And I’m really not trying to pile on with that, as I’m sure you already feel badly enough. But that’s the 50% jerk from me. Otherwise, things happen, which doesn’t make you a bad person, but you could have done much better.
But your brother is a piece of… work. He’s a complete jerk.
Good luck.
I hope things get better!” puckinggoalie
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and your brother is. I’m ashamed to know that anyone from my country would have this entitled attitude. Yeah, maybe you should have had insurance and hindsight is 20/20 but you are providing the necessities your children need. Important words that. Necessity and need.
Let him give you help and smile at him while you do it and next Xmas or birthday whatever, let him give them expensive gifts and send him a video of them all playing with the box.
What a twit.
Keep your chin up and don’t take your opinions from entitled gits. You survived a fire, you are providing what they need, you! Psychic hugs honey.” kdnona
14. AITJ For Kicking My Friend's Coworker Out Of My House For Judging My Eating Habits?
“I (f 32) live in Belgium and I run a small business from home meaning that I can manage my time as I see fit (I don’t have kids). One of my friends has a new coworker, Dana (dunno, late 20s/early 30s?) whom she invited to our get-together (I hosted it and my friend asked if that was okay with me).
Dana is from the USA and is a new company transfer or something like that.
We had a nice time and somehow the topic ended up on our cooking habits and grocery shopping. Dana took offense to whatever I said. When I said that I like to pop to shops every day or every other day (there are plenty of grocery shops within talking distance) she remarked that it must be nice to sit at home all day and be able to do that (like what?
It’s totally normal for people to do that here). When I said that I try to cook simple meals from scratch every day, she said that it must be nice to play house when others have to work all day and can’t eat healthy.
We ran out of some snacks and beers and I decided to walk to the shop with another friend.
Dana snarked that if I shopped properly, I wouldn’t have to do that. I snapped and told her to shut up and get out of my house if she couldn’t be civil.
She was gone when I came back. But my friend called me calling me a jerk, telling me that she reported her (my friend) to HR because of me and the fact that my friend brought her to a house of a bully.
I feel bad about my friend but I’m not sure if I did anything wrong. Was I the jerk here?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
You’ve encountered the, unfortunately not rare, ‘Entitled American Abroad’. Truth is a lot of people, regardless of where they are from, get put off by anything that isn’t like ‘Home’.
They are off and act entitled and judgmental. You’ve probably met someone from another province who has the same behaviors when they come to visit.
Not condoning the behavior, just letting you know it isn’t because of anything you’ve done. I do hope your friend’s company puts no stock in her complaint.” HMS_Slartibartfast
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
I think it is pretty common to go to the shops at least a few times a week to top up fresh items like fruit, veg, milk, bread, etc. While it’s possible there are some cultural differences here (I’m European too) it sounds like this is more her jealousy – I hate answering that but it’s the only conclusion I can come to.
She wants the type of lifestyle you have but sees it as unreachable for her despite it being common culturally here for many types of workers.
“We ran out of some snacks and beers and I decided to walk to the shop”
Did no one else bring any? If I was spending an evening with friends like this I’d pick stuff up on the way around, enough for me and likely a little extra.
Still absolutely no reason for her to continue judging your shopping preferences though.
“she reported her (my friend) to HR because of me and the fact that my friend brought her to a house of a bully.”
This is gonna go absolutely nowhere and I don’t even know why she bothered to tell you about it other than to have a laugh together.
It’s your house your rules, being civil should be the bare minimum, especially towards someone you just met.” wildfellsprings
13. AITJ For Reaching Out To My Stepsiblings To Apologize?
“6 years ago my mother died. I was 13. It was really hard on the whole family (I’m the oldest of 3).
2 months after her death, our father got a ‘carer’. Dad has never needed a carer before (he’s physically disabled and confined to a wheelchair) but said he got one so he didn’t need to rely on us kids.
It was tricky because even though Lucy WAS an actual carer, I knew something else was going on. And then just in time for Christmas, Lucy and her two kids (15 and 10) moved in.
And I’ll bite; I was mean. I hadn’t had enough time to process her death before having a ‘new family’.
They moved in 11 months after she died. And whilst she wasn’t banned from being spoken about, we weren’t allowed to express our feelings on Lucy and her kids. I wasn’t allowed to express my feelings without being labeled a bully (‘I don’t like the idea of moving one of mum’s sculptures off the mantelpiece.’ ‘Oh for goodness sakes, stop being a bully!
10 just wants to put a thing up there!’). I wasn’t a total jerkhead, but I went out of my way to ignore them both and I wanted as little interaction with them as possible. It also didn’t help that Lucy’s kids were kind of smug and just generally unpleasant to be around.
Now I’m 19 and I’ve had time to process everything in my own way. I moved out for uni and after some reflection, I decided to reach out to 10 and 15 (who are now 16 and 21).
16 was willing to hear me out but 21 was not. He basically went off on me and said I was a bully and that I’m only looking for forgiveness now that I need financial help (which is not true).
A couple of hours later I got a text from my dad asking if I called 16. I said I did. He said it was good that we talked but that I need to give 21 some time to ‘heal’ and that by calling him, I’ve ‘re-traumatized’ him. It’s caused issues in the family and my younger siblings texted me and said Lucy and 21 are not happy that I’m ‘looking for redemption’ and that ‘bullies don’t get forgiven’.
AITJ for reaching out to apologize and patch things up?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
You didn’t have enough time to process your grief and everything was thrust on you.
You were a child and they behaved irresponsibly and without any regard for your feelings.
It isn’t bullying to want your mother’s sculpture on the mantle.
Expressing emotion is not bullying and they sound like jerks.
Did you receive ANY counseling at all?” T-RexLovesCookies
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – grieving is not bullying, and for context, your step-family should really check out the stages of grief. You weren’t bullying, you were a fresh teenager with all the hormonal changes of that period of life occurring while you were trying to learn the grieving process and trying to help two younger siblings with the process.
Lucy(fer)’s 21-year-old might want to rethink that period of your life because everyone loses their mom one day and 21 might want support when Lucy(fer) is gone.” numbedandconfused
12. AITJ For Wanting People To Get Off My Property?
“So I live in an area that’s seeing a lot of new builds. My husband and I have the last large lot on our street (lived here for 20+ years).
Probably 800 people lived here when we bought our house, now it’s 10,000+). It’s about 1.5 acres.
We installed a big play area a few years ago for nieces/nephews/eventual grandkids. It’s on the opposite side of our lot, pretty far from the house, there’s a path that goes from our second driveway. It’s landscaped and we purchased it from a contractor who was replacing some other park, so I can see how people mistake it as a town park.
This happens often when people stop to play, and I usually don’t care. But we don’t encourage it, as we have two giant dogs who will bark at strangers who come into the yard. I put up some blatant signs that say Private Property and Beware of Dog.
Right now it’s still cold here, it’s an early Friday morning, and I opened the door to let the dogs out.
They stayed in the yard and ignored anything outside the yard. The dogs started barking, I heard yelling. I ran outside.
There’s a couple and their kid playing on the playground. I call the dogs back and put them in the house. I go over to apologize and let them know it’s not a public park.
As soon as I get within earshot, the Mom starts yelling, ‘What is wrong with you! We’re calling animal control on you!’ ‘Who lets their dogs just run around a park, get a fence!’
I hate confrontation, so I get a little shaky. I tell her, it’s not a park, it’s my yard.
She says, ‘Get out of here! Get away from us!’ I point to the signs and tell her that it’s not a park, it’s our yard and they need to leave. She starts going on about how it’s illegal to leave a play area open (it isn’t) and it’s illegal to let your dogs off leash in this neighborhood (it isn’t, there are almost no bylaws here yet).
I told them again to just leave and they weren’t allowed to be on the property. My dogs are in the big window barking, and her husband is screaming that I should ‘train my dogs before they kill someone’ (they’re bred to guard, and detain intruders. (historically, we don’t train them as guard dogs)) This annoyed me more than anything because I’m an irrational animal lover.
I called the police. When they saw I was on the phone with the cops, they started shouting about me being a Karen and started getting in their car. Their poor kid was crying, and the woman said, ‘Watch what happens when you end up on the internet and we tell people where you live!’
I’m sorry my dogs scared them, but the screaming and threatening were so over the top and honestly deranged.
My kids want me to end this by asking if I’m the jerk because I’m old and I want people to get off my lawn?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – I get that the fence is going be expensive.
Perhaps you should think about landscaping your property line with bushes/mulch trees or a combination. If you do it yourself a bit at a time, to define your space. It doesn’t have to be high enough to prevent people, but at least enough to show off your property lines. To show that the playground is included with your property.
You need to think about doing something because once you have your family coming over to use it, other kids will see them and think it’s a public park.
Or start saving for the fence.” User
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. But I’d be careful with the Beware of Dogs signs, if your dog bites someone, and they potentially sue, they’ll say the signs indicated the dogs were aggressive.
I’d suggest you get a more detailed sign something along the lines of ‘This is private property and the equipment is owned by the homeowner and any damages to the equipment will be incurred by the trespassers’. Even with that though, people are very entitled and will still trespass, but at least you’ll have your bases covered in case anything happens.” BackgroundPlum3410
11. AITJ For Not Wanting To Drink On My 21st Birthday?
“My mom’s friend is a very extroverted person and is genuinely a very nice woman however she thinks that being my mom’s best friend gives her the right to tell my brother and me how we should be acting and what we should be doing.
Now my (20f) birthday is in about 2 weeks and that is what started this whole thing.
I’ve never been one to hang with friends on weekends or go to parties but rather I’d be home and hang out with my parents (39f) (41m), and my siblings (19m) (14f). My mom’s friend let’s call her H on the other hand is 45 and constantly thinks me and my brother should be doing those things instead.
We recently talked about my birthday. I didn’t want to go do anything because, 1) I’m not a drinker, we’ve gone to a country where the drinking age is 18 and I don’t enjoy drinking at all, and 2) I’ve never been one to celebrate my birthday. Think that the last time we did anything was for my 13th then I stopped celebrating.
We would instead go camping or boating which I enjoyed. However, H decided to tell me that it was stupid that I was not going to go drinking with my friends for my birthday and that I was just going to stay home and play Xbox with my brother, sister, and fake little brother (15m) who is H’s nephew and probably just order pizza or something.
When she told me this I told her that I don’t want to go drinking because I don’t like it and honestly don’t like hanging out with my old classmates anymore. I can think of 3 that I actually would call my friends. She then told me that it’s not okay that I and my brother just sit home and play games with kids 5 years younger than us to which my brother chimed in and told her that those kids are our siblings who we’ve been playing games with since they got their own Xboxes.
She told us that she thinks that it’s not okay that we’d rather be home than hang out with friends and that I don’t want to celebrate a milestone in my life.
This probably amounted to at least an hour of conversation at this point and I was annoyed. I told her that I didn’t care what she thought and that just because she thinks it’s fun to go drinking doesn’t mean I do and that I’m not her child and if I want to hang out with my siblings who happen to be 5 years younger then I’m going to do that because it doesn’t affect her.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Tell her if she is so stuck on this, to go out and have a drink for you and leave you alone.
Most adults would be ecstatic to see siblings with such a close bond and what you do on your birthday is your choice – just like your friends, activities, and everything else.
Normally, I’d say you could have been a little kinder in the way you said it but if, after an hour, she didn’t get the message, then she obviously needed a ‘slap in the face’ to get her to drop it.” User
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Any parent would be proud to have a kid who put their family before partying with friends and who was refreshingly not looking to go out and get hammered on their 21st. I wonder how your mom would feel to know her friend was encouraging you to go get wasted instead of spend time with your family.” Head-Computer5350
10. AITJ For Transferring My Kids To Different Schools?
“I moved recently into my partner’s 2-bedroom house about 20 minutes away as I just had our new baby and she needs her dad.
Prior to that, I had lived in the same 2-bedroom trailer for a decade. My kids have always gone to school in my school district (age 13 and 6). This move was also to help my kids have more space as my partner’s house is larger.
The issue is my partner lives in a different city and therefore in a different school district.
My kids go to different schools currently so the commute to get them both to school would take probably around 30-35 minutes depending on traffic. It is 25 minutes without traffic to my 6-year-old’s school and 15 minutes without traffic to the middle school. My partner has to help me with transportation also on the 2 days a week I work and he works nights so this cuts into his sleep schedule.
It just would be a lot easier not having to drive the kids to school every day, would save on gas, and the kids wouldn’t have to be in the car.
Both kids’ schools in my partner’s district are either within walking distance or within a 5-minute drive. I didn’t think this would even be a discussion point because when you move, you typically also move schools so I went ahead and took the kids out of their schools and made appointments for enrollment for the new district.
My ex is however making a huge stink as he found out through my son’s old school that he had been withdrawn. He is claiming I violated the custody agreement and am a jerk for not having the kids’ best interests in mind because I had switched my older son’s schools a few times already in the last 5 years (it’s a long story but not my fault), and claims because he is currently failing and having behavioral issues, he should not be subjected to yet another school change after only being at his previous school for 5 months.
He is also saying that my new district is very poor because the ‘online ratings’ are 1s and 2s and I am taking my younger son out of his 6-rated school after just 1 year and this is also ‘bad’.
In my mind kids move schools all the time – sometimes it is just a part of life.
My younger son only just finished kindergarten so it shouldn’t be that big of a change for him. My older son’s current school wasn’t great anyway so it is a lateral move to go to this new school in my district. Also, I don’t think online ratings hold that much clout, it really is about the child and what they make of the school and kids can do well even in ‘badly rated’ schools.
However, my ex is making my life miserable with this school change and seems to have no issue with me and the kids being in the car for 30 minutes on a daily basis, 1-hour round trip.”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. The real reason that you’ve changed the kids’ schools is because it’s easier for YOU.
Don’t try and claim it’s for the children. You didn’t consult them or their dad and have made this decision purely for your benefit. And no, I don’t think it’s ‘normal’ to change schools multiple times unless a parent has some exotic traveling job. You’re setting your eldest up for failure if they’ve got no consistency at school.” woodenpickle17
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. So you chose to move somewhere that you knew had a long commute and now you’re punishing your children for your mistakes? Your ex has every reason to be mad. Sounds like all you do is uproot your kids’ lives and that’s not fair. Maybe they should just live with their dad instead.
I really hope he takes you to court for ignoring the custody agreement regarding the kids’ schooling.” Flashy-Butterfly7620
9. AITJ For Threatening Not Letting My Partner's Mom In Our Baby's Life?
“I (23f) have been in a relationship with Andrew (26m) for 3 years. We hit it off pretty quickly and after a year we moved in together.
After a couple of months of going out, he introduced me to some of his family members, including his mother Nora (60-ish f).
She had raised him as a single mother and she was very close to Andrew. She wasn’t very warm towards me but she wasn’t rude either. The longer we were together the more we would meet her and she never warmed up to me.
After a while, I realized she just didn’t like me and yes I was disappointed but I tried not to think about it too much.
I had mentioned it to Andrew and he said that’s just how his mom behaved with his past relationships and that I shouldn’t worry. On July 9th Andrew and I organized a small get-together with Nora, his aunt Melinda, Chris, and Tiff (his cousins), and my mother Cindy.
Andrew and I wanted to announce my pregnancy as I am 4 months pregnant. When we gathered everyone and told them they were ecstatic and congratulated us except Nora. When we went to her she hugged Andrew, congratulated him, and barely acknowledged me.
I just walked away because I knew they would start talking and Nora excluded me from the conversation, and I went towards Andrew’s cousins who I’m close to.
We talked about the baby’s gender (we want it to be a surprise) and how I would decorate the baby’s room. Normal baby chatter.
I was with the cousins but I was still within earshot of Andrew and Nora and noticed that she was excitedly talking about how she would ‘take such good care’ of the baby because she has always been a ‘mom at heart’.
I’m not going to lie I probably overthink but that last comment annoyed me. She kept talking like I wasn’t in the picture. By the end of the get-together, I was mad and waited until she left to go talk to Andrew.
I told him I thought her comments were weird and that considering she’s never liked me it just feels like she thinks she’s going to replace me.
Andrew just said that she wants to be a ‘hands-on’ grandmother as it’s her first grand-baby and that it’s not that deep.
Yesterday (July 15th) Tiff sent me a message asking me if I knew that Nora was telling her church people (I’m not really religious I don’t know if there’s a proper term) that she was being blessed and she would welcome a baby in her life because ‘God could see how much love she had to give back’, that she would name it after her grandmother and just a bunch of nonsense.
I told Andrew what I knew and he finally acknowledged how weird and creepy her lies were and he called her to set things straight. He told me she started crying and that he felt bad but I feel like she’s just plain crazy and is trying to guilt-trip him. I sent her a message that as long as she can’t accept that I am the child’s mother and respect me she won’t be in the child’s life.
Melinda said I went way too far and that I had no business ‘attacking her faith’ (which I don’t believe I ever did?) So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Girl, NTJ! I appreciate you already showing the mama bear too. If this is as far as the conversation with Nora went, no one attacked her faith, it was just something else to tell her sister you all did.
If she’s gonna bring faith into it like this though, be prepared for you to be everything from a demon to ‘Satan Incarnate’. Take it easy, and cut people out if you have to. Your health = baby’s health. Good luck to you both.” irish_miah
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I’m confused. How did you make her cry?
Your spouse was the one who told her to cool it, albeit at your urging. Sounds like you two need to put your heads together and come up with detailed boundaries about how this grandparent will be involved in your child’s life. It’s up to you if you want it communicated to the grandparent or if you just want to agree and keep the boundaries.
Often it is counterproductive in a situation to communicate the boundaries to the affected party because they will just argue and stir up trouble, hence the need for the boundary in the first place.” HeatherLouWhotheEff
8. AITJ For Asking A Trans Coworker For Period Products?
“I (f 16) started working at a fast food place around 2 months ago and quickly became friends with most of my coworkers. One of my favorite managers is trans (female to male) but is very far along in the process.
He has started testosterone and has good f****l hair as well as a very deep voice so it’s almost impossible to tell that he is trans other than his chest area which he is saving up to get removed but that’s beside the point.
I have been known to have awful periods to the point that I have to lie in a ball on the floor if I don’t have any medicine I could take and I very unluckily started my period at work yesterday.
I just got off of my period 2 weeks ago and because of this I didn’t have anything on me (tampons or medicine) since I genuinely was not expecting another one to come so quickly but when it did it hit hard. I was having awful cramps and my vision started going blurry. I could tell that this was going to be awful if I didn’t have medicine so I started asking all of my female coworkers if they had any midol or tampons I could borrow and unfortunately everyone said no but I was desperate.
I went up to my manager and asked if he had any midol (For the men who don’t know midol is the most common medicine women use for periods) I assumed since he and his fiancée (female) share a car maybe there would be something in his car that he could get for me.
He started to get mad and raised his voice at me asking why I would assume he would have those products and making it seem like I was invalidating him being trans which I absolutely was not. A lot of my coworkers defended him and I ended up leaving early.
Now people from work have been messaging me calling me a transphobic jerk and I genuinely don’t know what to do.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You hit a nerve by reminding him about something that causes/caused dysphoria, but no, that is not what transphobia is.
Workplaces should have these supplies. A manager with teen girls on staff should have these supplies. Male, female, trans, nonbinary, doesn’t matter. Half the population deals with periods. Workplaces should have period products.” ultrarelative
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – Trans men can have periods too, so it wasn’t an unreasonable ask even if you just meant to ask if he had any. But your mind was on if he had any in his car due to his fiancée. He should’ve let you explain yourself rather than flipping out on you.
How old are the coworkers that are harassing you? That’s not cool either way, but I think it’d be especially wrong if they were adults bullying a minor.” CrimsonKnight_004
7. AITJ For Kicking Out My Husband After He Gave My Money To A Friend?
“4 months ago I returned to work after having a baby.
My partner stays at home because my job pays more. With the crazy gas & grocery prices, we haven’t gotten caught up yet to get anything but the bare minimum. Turning 30 I think, is special enough to ‘splurge’ on. So when my work had a contest for $50 PayPal and a pizza party for my team, I worked hard, & won.
I’ve had it saved for over two months now. I was planning on getting a few sirloin steaks to grill & ingredients to make peach cobbler.
Today after I got home from work I went online to clip the steak coupon & to transfer the funds from my PayPal to my debit card. I log in & it says -$10.
It showed a transfer to my partner’s card a week ago. I asked him if he did it, and he said no. I then got on PayPal chat to report fraud, I’m thinking they will just credit me back for the error. I’m in the queue & he comes up & says ‘Wait I did do it, I forgot’.
When I asked him what he spent it on he went on a rant about how he is a 35-year-old grown man & ‘just wanted to spend some money’.
I again ask what he spent it on. He said a friend of his was really struggling and he just wanted to help out a little because SHE has no help.
I told him the friend is probably a man who is finessing hundreds of dollars from s******s like him with the same sob story. He got super angry & said he ‘wasn’t about to feel embarrassed over it’. He is too embarrassed to go to the food pantry but not embarrassed for getting scammed. OK.
I told him I was going to use it for my birthday & he told me ‘You’re an adult, adults don’t get birthday gifts, plus we have food here’. I told him I worked hard for that measly $50 & it wasn’t his to spend. He then says ‘Consider it my allowance for staying home with the kids while you GET to go to work like a little vacation every day.
My friend needed it’.
Like I don’t have needs? Like I haven’t gotten my post-partum depression medicine filled once because I can’t put it in the budget yet. I’m wearing the same bra from pre-pregnancy that is really uncomfortable but his ‘friend’ needed it… gotcha. He then comes up & says ‘Just go donate plasma on your lunch or I will cook dinner with what we have on your birthday’.
I told him it was shady that he changed the email on my PayPal, using money that wasn’t his without telling me & I asked him if he was going to continue helping this ‘friend’? He said yes anytime he gets extra funds or ‘allowance’. I told him to get out and he did.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
I can’t believe he thinks going to work is a vacation. I understand it’s very hard to stay home with a baby and take care of the house.
When you are on such a tight budget that you can’t afford meds and have to save up to cook a steak for your birthday, all purchases beyond necessities do have to be discussed. He overdrafts your bank account to give someone else money and that’s crazy.
And then he tells you that you can’t celebrate your birthday? This guy is a loser.” tatersprout
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Go to social media, ‘When your husband gives a stranger your funds when you can’t afford to fill your medication script then tells you to donate plasma to earn more so he can continue to fund the scam artist’.
Guarantee he told them half-truths. Probably telling them you have funds, you’re keeping it from him, she’s a close friend and you can afford to support her but you’re heartless and won’t.
Change your account password he can’t be trusted with it.
He lied to you, he stole from you. Guarantee a nanny will be cheaper in the long run compared to supporting him as he chats to females online all day.” Status-Pattern7539
6. AITJ For Not Wanting My Pregnant Sister To Move Back In With Us?
“Around 2 years ago now, my sister (now 21F) left the family home and moved in with her significant other: now husband, who lives with his parents.
My parents cut her off for months but reconnected and she visits all the time now.
After she moved out, I (now 15F) and my brother (now 11M) got our own rooms. My brother got the room that used to be hers.
For a while now my sister (who I’ll refer to as ‘Jenny’) has been complaining about the situation at her in-laws’ house.
MIL (mother-in-law) looking through Jenny’s room, MIL and FIL (father-in-law) throwing parties all the time, SIL (sister-in-law) is an overall weirdo and ALSO looking through Jenny’s room, etc. Her MIL and SIL overall disrespect my sister’s privacy. SIL has also gone as far as to steal makeup from my sister, Jenny.
Well, enough context. My sister recently got pregnant.
She’s around 4 months. When she told me I was excited for her. My sister was always a ‘bad kid’ and to see her all grown up and having a kid of her own makes me happy for her. She and I have always been close. My mom has always favored my sister though.
Yesterday, I was shopping with my mom and I asked her; ‘Will Jenny be at the house more when her baby’s born?’ My mom simply responded ‘Yeah, she’s gonna have her own room back.
You’ll share with your brother again.’ I didn’t respond, as I didn’t know what to think. She continued to tell me that we’re not even gonna discuss the issue, as she’s not gonna change her mind.
I enjoy having my own room. I think I’m at a normal age where I should have my own privacy, as I’m now in high school.
My brother is in middle school and I’m not really comfortable with the idea that I’ll have to share a room with him all over again. Not because he’s done anything, but because my room has always been my safe space.
I think it’s sort of iffy how I couldn’t even discuss that with my mom to change her mind about it.
I definitely feel like the jerk for not wanting to share a room again, for the sake of my sister. I honestly don’t know how to feel about it.
I can see why my sister would wanna move back in with us. Her MIL and SIL both suck and she just isn’t comfortable there from what she tells me.
But, I just don’t think she sees where I’m coming from. She gets offended whenever I mention not wanting to share a room again and doesn’t hear me out. I feel childish for making it a bigger deal than it is. So, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here – everyone is in a tough position.
Your sister is trying to escape a crappy situation and her options are limited.
Note for you: your sister is going to give birth in 5 months. This is going to drive the house into chaos like you have never seen. If you don’t want to be a full-time babysitter, start pushing back now or you are going to get guilted into being a babysitter.” Elfich47
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You’re not the jerk for being uncomfortable sharing a room with your brother. Your sister is not the jerk for being uncomfortable living with her in-laws, but she did choose to have a child without having a place to live on her own, forcing her to choose between being uncomfortable and making other people uncomfortable, which if not exactly a jerk move is definitely not a smart decision.” Nikkian42
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
You certainly are at the adequate age to have your own privacy, it’s now your time to expand your creativity/knowledge and have your own safe space. Your mother is extremely irrational in wanting to take that away from you, just to ease it for your sister who asked to land in said situation before doing any background check on the family.
Your sister can’t be treated as a child anymore because firstly, her age should mean she should start to take more responsibility and secondly, she is going to be a mother which means that if she is not good at taking care of herself or has any responsibility, face the consequences. She is going to do an awful job in parenting which will affect the child negatively.
Now that she has landed in such a situation she should as an adult, face it and have a discussion with her husband since he should be able to stand up for her, especially if she needs now extra care in order to not have a miscarriage. Otherwise if it certainly is unfixable between them both handling it poorly instead of communicating and his family not caring, the marriage will be a broken one where many things can and will go wrong if not fixed while there is still time.
The best thing to do is make the whole family sit down and have a discussion, you giving all the valid points why having a room is important, as well make valid points why she should not get her room back, even suggesting that if the mother is in such a desperate need on her moving back in to instead give up her own bed to the daughter if she wants her to stay that badly.
If your mother disagrees then you can freely call her a hypocrite but be aware this might anger her as not everyone likes reality being thrown in their face.” ZeiWat
5. AITJ For Not Letting My Stepdad Kick Me Out?
“I’m 22 years old and live in a decent house. My mother and stepdad bought it together in 2011, and around 2018 I moved my room to the 2nd floor. I have the entire floor with everything I need to live for myself, but I pay rent and I take care of everything myself, except cooking.
Now to my stepdad: My mother met him in roughly 2005, around the same time my dad split up with her. They got married in 2013. My stepdad worked in a bakery, but they went bankrupt and he lost his job. He struggled with employment for a few years but got an okay job in 2010 or 2011 working shifts (important later).
A bit of backstory: When I was in school, I was a horrible student. My mother tried anything to get me going and motivated but failed. My stepdad on the other hand resorted to violence, but soft enough that I didn’t get injured. One time out of frustration and anger he got my radio, threw it out the window, and hit it with a sledgehammer, breaking it completely.
But school ended, and I got a job as an apprentice and later as a worker, doing great in my life. I definitely was the jerk here.
After school, it got better, until it went downhill two years ago.
My stepdad is rather lazy, and so am I. But the difference is that I keep nearly all my stuff on my floor while he uses up the big garage, the workshop, and half of the basement and fills it up with junk and stuff we hardly use.
We have 4 motorcycles that are parked in the small garage, but when all 4 are inside, only one can be accessed or I have to move at least one. He always moves mine to the back of the garage, so that I can’t use it. Same with the small toolbox I own. He grunts when I don’t park my car in exactly the way he wants.
He flips when I invite some friends because of his work. When I want to talk about my motorcycle and if he can move his to get to mine he tells me that I’m not allowed to use HIS garage and I should park it somewhere else. When I tell him we could free up the big garage we’ll have much more space for everything he gets insane, cussing me and my mum out very harshly.
Unfortunately, he was diagnosed with lung cancer. Chemo went well in the beginning, but the progress stopped, maybe he didn’t even quit smoking.
Nowadays, he calls me a lazy jerk, manipulative, and stealing from my mum and he wants to kick me out of their house. I admit that I do rather less work outdoors and nothing downstairs.
Why should I be cleaning their area when he has the time to do so? I have my own area to keep clean and look after. I also admit that I sometimes was a jerk to him when discussing something, but only when he started getting ridiculous. I don’t usually cook upstairs, because of my irregular times being at home.
My mother is fine with that and likes it when we can eat together. Many fights between my mum and him occurred because of me living here, and I feel bad she has to take his burden because of me.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. It’s his garage, his house and you are an entitled tenant.
He asked you to move your motorcycle out of his garage and instead, you tell him to clean it up? No, you don’t get to do that. Cooking for one is annoying? Seriously? Did you ever think of maybe cooking for the family? I feel sorry for your mother with you trying to force her to pick between her spouse and her adult offspring.
Move out already.” canuck_2022
Another User Comments:
“YTJ, grow up. Stop making excuses for your laziness in someone else’s house. You say yourself you have an entire floor to live on and do whatever you want.
The older our parents and step-parents get the more their bodies hurt especially if dealing with cancer. It’s nice you pay rent but I’m sure you’re underpaying what a person off the street would pay for the same space.
Step up, help out. I’m hearing laziness and entitlement all throughout this on the shoulders of your mother. I feel for your mom having to play referee with you two jerks. Time to stop being a spoiled brat before you get put out. The arguments are petty. Enough is enough.” TisThee_Reason
Another User Comments:
“Good heavens, I feel really bad for your mom!
She has 2 entitled children to take care of… you mentioned your interactions with stepdad but mom barely showed up in your post.
She’s expected to cook, clean, keep the animals, while the 2 of you squabble over your motorcycles, cars, and other junk.
YTJ, big time. if you have any love for your mother, do better!
if you feel your relationship with SD won’t “allow” you to be a better housemate, move out… pay rent elsewhere, and remove at least one burden from your mom’s life.” cinnamon_dreams
4. AITJ For Refusing To Give My Brother's Number To My Mom?
“My (16F) mother has cancer. She’s getting treatment but I don’t think it’s working well. It’s hard and we’ve all been a mess.
But yeah, my mom has a son from her previous marriage, (Brady – 27M). My mom didn’t treat him well and he cut contact with her when he turned 18.
I’m pretty sure he calls his stepmother, Mom. I don’t blame him and can respect/accept the fact that while Mom was a great mother to me, she was a terrible one to him.
We talk occasionally but it’s usually just him sending me pics of his wife and kids and me sending him pics of my cat and me.
LOL. He has 0 contact with my parents.
I don’t know if it’s the cancer or the inevitable but my mom has been asking about Brady a lot. I tell her things like oh he’s fine etc you know a general idea but I won’t go into detail to respect his privacy.
But then my mom started asking me to make him visit at least once. So I texted Brady and asked if he wanted to visit and he said no. It would be too hard and then he just changed the topic. I didn’t ask him to explain.
I told my mother and she started crying.
She begged me to give her his number and that she just wanted to see her first baby one last time. She wanted a chance to apologize and tell him that she loved him. I was really tempted, I’m not gonna lie, but I just couldn’t. I love my brother and he’s always been kind to me, the least I can do is respect his wishes.
It hurt to see my mother cry while she was already in such a weak state but I refused to give her his number. She just cried harder and asked me why I was torturing her as well. Basically implying that I’m in the wrong for preventing her from seeing her son. My dad is upset with me as well and said that he can’t believe I’m choosing a ‘spoiled jerk’ over my sick mother.
I don’t think I’m a jerk, but I do feel horrible. My mom is incredibly unwell and it’s true that she can’t really do anything. It’s the only thing she’s asking for these days. But I just can’t. Does that make me the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, especially after what your father said.
Your brother is a person just like your mom and just because your mom is upset now doesn’t excuse her behavior toward your brother. You might end up having to go stay with your brother if your dad decides to continue being angry with you after your mom passes.” BriefHorror
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She’s had years and years if your brother’s a dad.
Now it’s making her realize what she’s done. As much as the general advice is usually to stay out of it, part of me feels that you might suggest she writes down how she feels and then you just tell your brother that you have this. And that it’s then left to him if he reads it or not.
But she’s given a chance to make her peace but if he then chooses not to read it or respond, your conscience would be clear. You absolutely poor thing to be in the middle of this. Who is looking after you my dear?” pinguthegreek
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
Acquiescing to her demand might mean he goes NC with you for refusing to respect him.
Your mom created this situation with your brother, you didn’t. She shouldn’t be involving you at all on that score.
The emotional blackmail coming at you now from your parents is wrong. They shouldn’t be doing that. They are being extremely selfish and self-centered. Stand your ground, and tell your mom that you don’t want your brother to cut you off because she convinces you to stomp all over his VALID boundaries.
That as much as you love her and truly believe she’s been a good mom to you, your brother doesn’t share those feelings, and you have no desire to get in the middle of things between her and him. Ask her if being on bad terms with both of her kids is better than being on bad terms with just one of them.
Because this is a line in the sand with your brother that you are simply not willing to cross over.” jammy913
3. AITJ For Telling My Sister That Everyone At School Thinks She's A Snitch?
“So, my (16m) sister (17f) is high-functioning autistic. Ever since I could remember she’s had issues related to this but I’ll stick to the social ones that are relevant for what’s going on. But the short of it is my sister has always suffered from low social awareness and has a hard time understanding norms or what social rules dictate certain situations.
This leads to our current problem. My sister right now is a social outcast at school. Ever since school started again, all the friends she had abandoned her, and she has gained a very toxic reputation at school. This is because she is a snitch. While my sister does excellently academically and has never been put into any special program, like I said she has to be specifically taught how to act socially.
For some reason that’s beyond me, not snitching has never been something my parents or any of her counselors have worked on with her. Because of this, she has no concept of what a secret is and will parrot anything she hears to anyone. What’s worse is that she does have a moral compass and part of this is that she will just tell an authority figure if someone else is violating that.
Because of all this, she has been given the nickname Rachel the Rat (not her real name but it follows the same theme) and people avoid her at all costs.
What is so outright bizarre about all this, is that my sister is more than capable of learning these things. She has done it with every other behavior that has caused issues.
But my parents almost seemingly refuse to teach her out of this. I’ve brought it up before and each time I am told that it’s a good thing she’s honest but I feel like my parents only allow this to continue because they are afraid of her keeping secrets from them.
Well, last night I made the mistake of finally telling my sister the truth.
She came to me in private and broke down about a friend of hers who went off in DMs telling her to keep away from her. I know why, as this friend was one of many my sister has screwed by ratting them out. So, I told her the truth. Everyone at school thinks she’s a rat and knows that anything they say around her is parroted to others.
Along with this, she will go and tell any authority on them if they tell her anything personal that would not fly by her.
She broke down crying at this and I tried to comfort her. My parents quickly became involved and are livid I would say this to her. I feel like I did nothing wrong here, but she spent the rest of the night ignoring me and my parents are livid.
Should I apologize to her even though I feel like what I said was right?”
Another User Comments:
“Neither you nor your sister are the jerk. Your parents are though. It is their job to teach and guide and instead, they are choosing to be nice. This will impact the rest of her life. You did the right thing, now she has a chance to self-reflect and potentially grow and change.
NTJ. You did right by your sister even if no one else wants to recognize it.” Miserable_Airport_66
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, my brothers are autistic and struggle with body language. They like to be told why things are the way they are, but if it doesn’t make sense they struggle to process it.
Your sister has probably not been told about snitching because it’s in your parents’ interest to not hold secrets.
Also, they probably didn’t think about any negative consequences. If your sister has been told honesty is the best policy, then what you said directly contradicts how the world works. Which could be why she’s quiet. And also why she cried, being overwhelmed.
It also explains why every other one she hasn’t had this issue, because it doesn’t contradict her worldview.” Wondernerd194
2. AITJ For Not Wanting To Pay For My Niece's Hospital Bills Anymore?
“I (49F) have a big family on my mother’s side, my mother has 14 siblings (7 remaining) and I have almost 30 cousins, well my mother’s family is a very complicated family, but I won’t talk about that.
I have a cousin ‘Fred’ (35M) and my family has no contact with him, only a few and his mother are talking to him.
The reason why this happened was years ago he got someone pregnant and got married to her. They were married for 3 years and got divorced, it was a messy divorce. My niece is staying with her mother, well it’s much better.
Fred loved his daughter very much, and at that time he quit his job (which was far away from us) in order to see his daughter, would give her anything, and play with her.
That was before.
He met a woman ‘Cara’ (45F) and she’s a teacher. They got into a relationship but my family wasn’t happy with this, because it seemed like Cara was being a sugar mommy to Fred. Fred had been jobless ever since he left his job for his daughter, and Cara is giving him money most of the time.
Ever since he met Sara, he seemed to abandon his responsibility as a father to his daughter, and then later he announced that he and Cara were getting married. My family was furious about this, that they did not show up to his wedding.
They didn’t like Cara at all. She was the reason why Fred and his sister got into a messy fight which led him to raise his hand on her.
Some of our acquaintances told us that Cara had been bad-mouthing our family.
Fred’s ex-wife is on good terms with us so when we talked about the wedding she asked us not to bring her daughter to Fred, as he’s not making an effort to see her anymore nor is paying for child support, and if she finds out we went against her wish she won’t bring her daughter to us anymore, we agreed.
Cara soon gave birth and had a baby girl ‘Kimi’, who’s a year old now. None of our family went to see her, not even once, except for Fred’s mother and some. I also went to see her and only had a few conversations with them. Kimi gets easily sick often. Fred is still jobless because he gets fired every time he has one.
Cara is a teacher but Kimi’s hospital fees are pretty much bigger than Cara’s income so I offered to pay. After all, she’s my niece.
My husband has been supporting me with this. I was invited to their house for dinner and some friends were invited as well. We were talking at the table and I excused myself to go to the bathroom.
When I got out, a guy I knew was outside the bathroom and told me to follow him. I followed him and we were standing near a wall and I could hear Fred talking, saying how I’m like a credit card to them and how naive and stupid I can be and my mother was right that I’m weak-minded. I was hurt.
Those were my insecurities and I was always bullied for that. I was on the verge of tears and I went out and told him that I wouldn’t be paying Kimi’s hospital fees in the future. Fred and Cara tried to reason but I didn’t give them a chance. Ever since then, I refused to talk to them.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You don’t need to pay for anything. On the other hand, I will say that Kimi doesn’t deserve to be punished any more than she will for having terrible parents. If you want to just pay because she needs treatment, pay it directly to the medical facility so they get nothing.
You’re not obligated to do this, I’m just saying to separate how you feel about Fred and Cara from how you feel about Kimi, and make your decision then. Don’t let them maneuver you into a decision you might regret. That poor kid. She’s so screwed.
Also please don’t let them convince you that it’s weak to do the right thing.
Paying for a child’s medical treatment when they aren’t your responsibility is always a good thing, not weak. Fred is obviously not a trustworthy judge of strength or goodness.” Indusnm
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You know, from your description of how long Fred has been jobless, how these people operate. So it was no big surprise when I read what they said about you.
He’s a user, he’ll squeeze funds out of whoever will give it to him. He’s so deep into that kind of life that he’s openly talking about it even while you’re there at home. Why would you spend one more moment of your time or one more penny on these people?” disruptionisbliss
1. AITJ For Going Off At My Partner After She Called Her Parents To Pick Her Up?
“My old roommate and another of my good friends both just had birthdays, so I was throwing them a party to celebrate.
Wasn’t a rager or anything, just 5-6 of us meeting up to hang out. We were meeting at my old roommate’s place and I was bringing all the drinks and food. I was expecting to have a pretty late night.
Anyway.
My partner and I were going to drive separately because she wanted to go to sleep earlier and I told her that I was expecting to have a late night.
On my way over to my roommate’s place, she called me and asked if I could give her a ride. I said it was probably a bad idea since I’d be out late and she wanted to sleep, but I could pick her up if she wanted. She said, it’s no problem she’ll just pass out on the couch over there and I could wake her up when we’re leaving.
Ok, fine with me so I pick her up.
The party was fun, we ended up playing a bunch of games, and she ended up passing out on the couch exactly as planned. Now, to be fair, the lights were on, we were yelling, and there was music playing so I doubt she could’ve slept at all.
I didn’t really check on her much, but I was standing about 10 feet away playing beer pong. After about 1-2 hours she woke up and was checking her phone a lot. I went over to see what was going on, but she seemed pretty irritated towards me. Wouldn’t let me hold her, didn’t really wanna talk to me or anything.
I asked her if she wanted me to drive her home but she said her parents were on the way over to pick her up.
They were only about 15 minutes away, but I felt humiliated for making her parents come out to pick her up from a party I was at WITH her. When I walked her out to her parents’ car it felt like the walk of shame.
Man, I did not enjoy it at all.
We talked the next day and she was upset that I hadn’t checked up on her and that she thought we would compromise and leave earlier instead of staying out past 1, and she couldn’t believe I just left her on the couch.
Here’s where I probably messed up.
I went completely off on her. I told her I was mad that instead of asking me to leave or drive her home, she called her parents to come pick her up. I felt like since she was out with me, she was my responsibility and she should have asked me to get her out of there, not her parents.
Why did you not just text me or tell me, how am I supposed to know that the plans have changed and so on? I mean I was being pretty insensitive about it.
So AITJ for leaving my partner by herself on the couch, then going off on her when she got upset at me for it?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – you told her what to expect. You had a plan to avoid an issue and she changed it. And she assumed you would leave early to accommodate her changing the plan, despite telling you she would just sleep on the couch. This was a total control move on her part.
She didn’t want you to stay late; she wanted to make you leave early; when that didn’t happen, she called her mommy and daddy. She’s the jerk.” RobbieRood
Another User Comments:
“NTJ for staying at the party. YTJ for going off at her.
These things happen and I can’t say that she was completely fair for ‘assuming’ you would compromise and just go home early.
The part that you messed up was yelling at her out of your own guilt for knowing you could have done better checking on her and not dealing with whatever embarrassment YOU felt for her parents picking her up. That’s why it sounds like you yelled at her, that walk of shame from FEELING selfish when her parents had to come to pick her up.
It doesn’t sound like a huge deal. Apologize for your part and communicate clear expectations next time. She probably shouldn’t come out and plan to sleep on a couch (from personal experience, I know what it’s like to pretend to be okay and say something like this knowing I’ll be mad if we don’t compromise lol).
Just do your part to be kind in the future and she can live with her own choices.” User
