People Want Us To Decide Who's Wrong In Their "Am I The Jerk?" Stories
23. AITJ For Not Being Willing To Forgive My Awful Cousin?
“I have this cousin Alana (34F).
Growing up, she was always a troublemaker. She would start rumors about our cousins to cause drama between everyone, would gossip and trash talk our aunts and uncles and make up lies about them. She was never a kind person.
I took care to avoid Alana when I was little because she would talk down to me and bully me constantly.
When I was 10, my family had a huge falling out in the middle of a family party.
Alana got into a very heated argument with another cousin, and my uncle stepped in to tell them to hash it out respectfully and without screaming and cursing. Alana flipped out on my uncle and told him to get lost before screaming a bunch of other obscenities at the rest of the family and then leaving.
My family and my uncle’s family didn’t talk to Alana and her family for years.
Fast-forward to 5 years ago. My aunt reconciled with my mom and uncle, and her side of the family started getting invited to family parties again.
I was always nice to them when I saw them at parties and would make sure to say hi and ask how they were. My aunt, her husband, and two of her daughters were always super kind to me.
But Alana would roll her eyes at me and refuse to look at or speak to me when I’d say hello. She has consistently done this for the past 5 years.
Now Alana is pregnant. She’s grown close to my mom recently, and my mom claims she’s really matured. She’s throwing a baby shower at the end of May and told my mom explicitly to invite me.
I refuse to go.
When my mom asked why I said that I don’t appreciate the way I was treated by her as a kid (for which she has never apologized). I was scared of her for years because she was so nasty to me.
I tried to be the bigger person and smooth things over by being cordial with her at family parties, and every attempt of mine has been met with hostility and coldness. I refuse to attend a bridal shower for someone who can’t even say hello to me.
My mom is upset. She said Alana is family. She treated my mom that way at parties for years, too, but she’s really changed since she found out she was pregnant. The rest of the family has forgiven her, so now I’m the sole person holding grudges and not letting the past go.
My mom said I’d be surprised by how different she is. I told her that that is amazing for Alana and I’m proud of her for maturing but I still refuse to have anything to do with her.
My mom pointed out that my aunt wants me there and that, by not going, I’m going to be insulting my aunt. She said she’ll just write my name on her card and make an excuse as to why I can’t attend, but I said if she does that, I will walk up to Alana at the next party and say that I didn’t want anything to do with her & my mom forged my signature.
My mom was very annoyed and upset. But I think my viewpoint is perfectly reasonable.
I know people can change. I’ve seen it happen before. But I just really don’t trust it. Am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It’s great that everyone else has forgiven her but she has never apologized. So what they are asking you to do is to forget. And you’re not required to do that. Even if she apologized to you, you’re not even required to accept that.
I hate when people pull the family card. It goes both ways, but that seems to be forgotten when the offender is asked to step up.
You are not your mom – she may be close to Alana, but that does not automatically extend to you.
I would be worried that your mom is sharing personal details about you with Alana, so if I was you, I’d be sure to tell your mom explicitly to not discuss anything you tell her with Alana as you would be very uncomfortable with that.
If Alana really wants to be forgiven, she needs to take the first step to apologize. Then you can decide and only you can decide that.” Canning-mama-1998
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – I can understand not trusting the change and not believing it yet, but honestly holding a grudge causes more harm to you than your cousin.
I’m not saying be her best friend, but also be careful that you don’t let your negative emotions burn bridges with other family members. Because if she really did finally wake up (which I agree, hard to believe it happened now when she was rolling her eyes when she was pushing 30) and she might have, pregnancy is transformational in some people, but you still act resentful and bitter, the family might start judging you harshly.
I don’t think you should go to the baby shower if you don’t want to, but if your mom wants to add your name to the card, I would consider ignoring it.” SunnyRose57
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
From how she treats you still, maybe she is warming up to your mom to annoy you.
No one just magically changes, pregnant or not unless true accountability is taken they reach out to do it and show changed behavior. She has singled you out for the last 5 years and she magically changed and is up to your mom’s butt but hasn’t reached out to you?
Does your mom have money or something to offer her? Was her home life growing up different than yours?
I don’t buy it. Tell your mom that if she changed so much why hasn’t she reached out to you to make things right?” McflyThrowaway01
22. AITJ For Not Participating In The Strike At Work?
“So at work, we’re facing some issues with the heat wave and some ACs not working. Almost everyone from multiple departments signed a document that was sent to higher management and I signed it as well.
The document didn’t do much and the situation kept getting a bit out of hand day by day and some other issues were added to the list as well.
Now a lot of people and threatening to protest until the situation is fixed, and upper management has hinted that they will let people go if this escalated further.
Might be an empty threat but still, this was enough for me to back out.
The thing is that I have a severe speech impediment (stammer) due to which it’s really hard for me to get a job.
I barely got this one even though I was over-qualified for it. My stutter has gotten a lot worse in 2020 as well so it’ll be hard for me to negotiate a similar deal somewhere else. I’ve applied for leave to avoid this whole situation from my annual leaves but that got rejected as well.
Due to this, I wanted to back out from the protest but all of my colleagues are furious about it. AITJ here?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ with caveats. I’m sympathetic to your special situation but it is also true that the absence of appropriate cooling systems in a heat wave can be very dangerous, and it makes sense that your colleagues want to take collective action.
It depends on how courageous you are to take a stand against the bosses. I can see why you are frightened because your specific circumstance makes it harder to find a job if you were to ever lose this one.
So NTJ, but I’m very sympathetic to your colleagues as well, they’re doing the right thing.” elephant-owl
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You have to do what is necessary to support yourself. If others are in a position to perform a walkout at the risk of losing their employment, that is their affair.
You are the one who has to navigate your own life. If others are angry with your decision, that’s fair. But it does not mean that they are right and you are wrong.” hibbletyjibblety
Another User Comments:
“As a union supporter, I was going to call you a jerk. But you are suffering from very unique vulnerability and job precarity that makes your situation different from your colleagues. They are right to be frustrated because your failure to participate puts them at greater risk – but you are right to worry about your security.
I don’t blame you for your choice. Let your colleagues know in private that you are sorry and scared of losing your only job, that your circumstances are different from theirs, and buy them some pizzas.
NTJ.” notsamantha9230
21. AITJ If I Want To Keep My Grandmother's Rings?
“So my mom is one of many kids. My grandmother, who is still alive, gave her (in stages not all at once) her wedding ring, engagement ring, and eternity ring, which had been given to her by my grandfather, for gifts at major life events.
Some of the other sisters had first choice years ago on some very expensive jewelry (my grandmother wanted to give things while she was still alive to see people enjoy them). No one wanted the 3 rings it seemed. However, one of my mom’s sisters didn’t get any valuable jewelry.
She told my mom several times that she had wanted the engagement ring. My mom asked my grandmother, who said she offered the ring to that sister first who didn’t want it, so we’re not sure who is telling the truth.
The sister is constantly complaining about her mom/my grandmother, and she uses the ring story as another case of why she has been treated unfairly by my grandmother throughout her life (she thinks she is the least favorite of all the kids).
She brings up the story at family functions in front of many people (except my grandmother). Anyway, my mom caved and said she didn’t ask for the engagement ring anyway so my aunt can have it if it means that much to her.
My mom then came to tell me, and see how I felt about it, as she had promised the 3 rings to me as a set.
I’m very sentimental and have been looking forward to inheriting the 3 rings for two decades now and was due to be given them soon on my 30th birthday.
I’m also the last of the generation of cousins still single, so I hoped to use it for my wedding one day. I also already gave my aunt a ring. Several years ago my aunt and I were with my grandmother and she told us to go through some jewelry and see what we wanted. I picked a white gold ring with small diamonds.
My aunt picked nothing. When we left she asked me if I found anything good amongst all the ‘junk’. I said the ring and she asked if it was stamped (it was). She then brought up ‘the ring’ story and about how she’s missed out on getting anything from her mother.
I felt bad and gave her that ring so she could have something from her mother.
My aunt is very generous and I don’t think it’s about monetary value. However, I do question why she wants the ring so bad when she complains constantly about her mom, I feel like it’s more a case of she feels she’s been treated unfairly than actually wanting the ring for sentiment’s sake.
AITJ for wanting to keep all 3 of the rings?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – If your Aunt is bringing this up in front of everyone but her mother then it’s probably because she was offered the ring and doesn’t want to get corrected in front of people.
Your grandmother offered to let both of you look through her jewelry which your Aunt referred to as junk but when she realized you found something of value decided that she wanted it. Don’t let her manipulate you guys, she was probably offered the ring and she declined but now she wants it.” TypicalAd3575
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She wants what OTHER people have. For whatever reason, she refuses to ask for/take the things she does in fact want when offered, but the minute someone else wants it she HAS to have it.
So yeah keep the rings. And when she throws an attitude, remind her of the incident with your ring where in she called everything your grandmother has/had JUNK but was quick to ask for the ring you picked out for yourself.” PommeDeSang
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your aunt her a chance and even stated that all the jewelry was junk. But all of the sudden, when the ring you chose had a stamp, she wanted it. Get out.
You keep those rings and be happy.
I am glad you have a good relationship with your grandmother.” Lovesoljah
20. AITJ For Letting My Friend Pay For Rent All By Herself?
“So this girl ‘Julie’ (21F) has been my (20F) best friend since I moved into town about 10 years ago. From the get-go, she was controlling.
Recently, I moved into a house with her and her partner (‘Jake’ – 19M).
Julie was extremely controlling in what we were allowed to have in the house, even when we could do laundry. It got to the point where I had to put a fridge in my room without telling Julie just so that I could eat.
Julie wouldn’t clean and would jam food into the fridge in the kitchen so that I couldn’t get my own food out and would get mad and accuse me of stealing.
I ended up losing my job in 2020.
I was unemployed for three months but what they paid me out was put into rent so that I wouldn’t owe any amount. I only ate scraps so that I could afford rent. Jake and I were chatting one day, and Julie popped her head into the room and ended up accidentally revealing that she couldn’t pay rent and was taking some amount from the rent that I paid.
She was working as a casual, but she was getting at least 3 8 hour shifts a week at $25 an hour. Jake and I went off at her and I created a spreadsheet for everyone to access and would notify me if it was changed.
Then it got worse. A few things happened that I can’t really talk about for privacy reasons. But it was bad.
I had to force Julie to go to a psychiatrist that I knew because her anger issues meant that she was breaking things in the house.
Our agent hated us.
Side note: I’m saying a lot of negative things, but to me (apart from rumors and her controlling nature) I felt she was a good friend. I had nothing when I moved into town and she helped me learn and kept me around.
Anyway, I went to my sister’s hens party in the city. I had been struggling with my mental issues and was just happy to be near family. The minute I got home, Julie came up and told me she was moving out at the end of the month and that I would have to pay rent by myself… now, we live upstairs and with no neighbors as this was a commercial street.
I was due for ankle surgery in the next few weeks and needed help with movement – which Julie offered to help me around the house.
So I had to get out ASAP. I worked it out with my parents that I’d move in with them until I’ve healed from my surgery and that I’d save up to buy a house.
Since it was due to medical reasons, I was able to give less than 30 days’ notice that I was needing to be off the lease. Julie then made it her lesion to get out of the house before I did so that I would be forced to take over the lease until it expired (another four months).
I got out, and now she’s threatening me that she’ll tell everyone I know that I’m a manipulator and a thief. Like??? She’s the one who stole???
Anyway, AITJ for leaving her to pay for the house alone?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She was going to leave you alone on the lease and alone when you needed help.
Don’t keep her around any longer. Whatever part of a good friend she was before is gone now.
She’s annoyed, and she could try to get back at you. Cut her out and live happily without her.” SordidMorbidCreature
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
She’s not a friend, she’s a user and a manipulator.” SteampunkHarley
19. AITJ For Caring For The Teenagers?
“I (20f) am a study hall aide in a middle school (grades 7-8, so mostly 12-14-year-olds). Basically, I’m there to supervise them while they do their work. Sometimes I help with homework if asked.
I love my job, I think most of my kids are hilarious, and they do talk to me. There are a group of boys who talk to me sometimes (I try to keep them on task, but sometimes they don’t have any work to do).
They’ll make jokes, ask me questions, nothing inappropriate. They have crossed a line a few times (shown me a meme that says a swear word, something like that) and I’ve always told them that they shouldn’t be showing me these things.
I’ve had some of the girls ask me for fashion and love life advice, and nothing they’ve asked or shown has been inappropriate so I usually give them the most ‘teacher’ answer, like ‘you should tell the administration about this’ over telling them to dump their friend.
I try my best to be professional with them and I like to think that I’m not crossing any lines and if they see me as an older sister figure I really have no problem with that. It’s not every day that they approach me with something funny or a story or a question about video games or advice, but I like to make sure my classroom is a safe space and I’m a safe person.
My sister (27f) thinks differently. At Easter, I was talking about my job and how much I’ve grown to like the age group that I’ve changed my mind about teaching elementary, I now want to teach middle history/English.
My sister has expressed that she thinks it’s weird how friendly I am with my students. I explained that they were the ones who ‘made friends’ with me and I don’t ask them unwarranted personal questions. She still thinks it’s weird that I’m close with my middle schoolers, and that they’re too old to be my ‘friends.’
I then explained that we are not friends, they don’t contact me outside of school, and that they just trust me and I’ve built up a good teacher/student relationship with them. She then said that I’m not a teacher (which, no, not technically, sure.) and then thought it was gross that I wanted to ‘hang out with preteens for a career.’ This broke my heart – I know at that age I had teachers who were kind and friendly to us and I absolutely adored them and I believe all ages deserve kindness, respect, and safety in school, and I don’t see how my caring for preteens-early teens is different than someone wanting to teach younger kids.
I feel weird and like I’ve done something wrong. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and your sister is a total weirdo for trying to convince you that you’ve broken some kind of boundary. You have not said anything inappropriate to your students and you have always intervened when they try to cross lines with you.
Teachers and other adults at school are (unfortunately) the only safe adults that some kids have in life. Feeling like there’s an adult they can go to and ask for advice is very important. As someone who had a rough home life growing up, teachers who showed an interest in my thoughts and opinions meant the world to me.
It was very important to the development of my confidence and self-esteem as an adolescent.” Mayalestrange
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
You’re making a great case for being a brilliant teacher in the future, and you’re giving your students a space where they feel safe and comfortable enough to approach you.
This bodes well for if they have serious problems that they need to discuss. You’ve shown them that you’re approachable and willing to listen whilst at the same time remaining professional and keeping a professional distance (i.e making sure they are aware of the boundaries etc).
I don’t understand how you expressing love for your job and a decision to pursue this as a career has led to your sister claiming it’s weird.” AyenDrkwing
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your sister is being beyond weird about this.
If anything middle school is exactly the time kids really need adults around them whom they can trust and have appropriate interactions with. When I went from Catholic school to public for me that was my drama teacher.
In high school, drama teaches again but also my creative writing teacher. When I go home to visit I still pop into my old high school to say hi to my former drama teacher (coffee in hand).
You’ve done nothing wrong and I’m starting to wonder if your sister is of the mindset that pre-teens need to be toughened up in preparation for HS and adult vs what she sees as the coddling that elementary-age kids get.
If so I really feel bad for her kids because she is going to be a nightmare as they get older.” PommeDeSang
18. AITJ For Being Too Spaced Out To Hold The Door For My Boss?
“It was at the end of the day and everyone was leaving the office. Our manager was staying behind to do some general office rearrangements so he was going in and out of the office space. As we were leaving the office area, the manager was coming inside carrying a table, it was one of those folded ones.
As I was going out the door, the manager was coming towards the door. Instead of holding the door open for him, my brain just totally blanked out and I just walked straight past him. I saw him carrying the big table and I even made eye contact with him as I walked past. I don’t know why I didn’t hold the door open for him and I did not even realize it was pretty rude of me to just let the door close on my boss until my coworker, who was walking in front of me, pointed it out.
My coworker gave me a look and gestured for me to help get the door for our boss, but by the time I turned around, our manager already got the door himself. I don’t know why I did this and I have no excuse for it.
I do not hate my boss and my boss does not have a problem with me either so I did not mean to close the door on him out of malicious intent. But now I am worried my boss thinks I was being a jerk to him for a purpose.
Has anyone else experienced this before? Where you just accidentally do something rude like ignore someone without realizing because your brain was not functioning properly at the moment?”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. You zoned out at the end of the day.
Just stop by his office and apologize, tell him you saw him walking and your mind didn’t even register that he was carrying something and might need help with the door.” cuddlemonkey_
Another User Comments:
“Brain fart. It happens.
NTJ. If it gets weird, I would just say something like, ‘Hey, I’m sorry I spaced the other day and didn’t think to hold the door for you.’ Boss will likely shrug it off.” On-two-wheels-yarn
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here.
But now anytime your boss is heading towards the door, you gotta run and open it for him. Southern hospitality rules sorry.” Omnivorous_Leaf
17. AITJ For Being Mad That My Partner Didn't Want To See Me On My Birthday?
“My (20F) significant other (21M) is celebrating his birthday today, usually when it’s his birthday his family and I all go out to eat to celebrate with him. This year he asked me if I didn’t join because his mom wanted it to be just a family thing.
I said yes because I didn’t want to be the person who annoys someone on their birthday, but I’m genuinely the most upset I’ve been in a long time.
We’ve been together for 3 years, and throughout that time his Mom has grown to dislike me and I don’t know why.
I’m well-liked by everyone else but she seems to hate everything I do. It has gotten to the point where I am excluded from holidays and family events my SO wants me to come to because it’s between family, yet his younger brother is allowed to bring his SO all the time.
He and I have had a conversation about this before but I don’t think he’ll ever understand why I get upset over this. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but I’m sorry to say, your partner and his mom are jerks.
It sounds like your SO is phasing you out of his life but using his mother as the main excuse, not himself. If things are not working between you two, you deserve the truth of the matter, not this convoluted nonsense.
Also, if his mom doesn’t like you, and it’s gone so far that your SO can’t stick up for you and spend time with you on his birthday, then he’s letting her dictate his life. You deserve someone who will fight for you to be included in his family.
You have been together for a long time, and you’re not even getting an explanation for why you’re being excluded? They sound like they suck.” othercrevices
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Some people may or may not consider a relationship of 3 years as long enough to be invited to family events, but if the brother’s SO is invited then the mom isn’t making it a family thing.
OP mentions there are other issues with not being liked by the mom. Sounds like it’s time to address those issues (once the hurt feelings have faded away). If the guy is okay with you being made uncomfortable by his mother, then he’s not being a very good partner.” MacaronAntique4956
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your partner should make a stink to his mother about excluding you. It is unfair for his brother to be able to take his partner and not you. What is she going to do if you marry or have kids?
Ask you to miss your own wedding and childbirth? (Lol)
I think anyone would be upset by this.
However… are you sure his mom is the one making this demand? The internet has made me cynical, so excuse the suspicion.” Huntokar_Goddess
16. WIBTJ For Going Out With A Guy My Friend Likes?
“Around a month ago, I was in a relationship with my best friend Lia. I care about her a lot, but I was just miserable, and I couldn’t figure out why.
That is until I started thinking more about one of my best friends, Nico. We’ve been friends for years so I’ve cared about him a lot for a while, but as the weeks went by and I started thinking more about our friendship, I realized that maybe my feelings were more than platonic, and if I felt half of what I felt for him for Lia, I wouldn’t be feeling nearly as conflicted as I did.
That was one of the main reasons why I broke things off with her a few days later and decided to ask out Nico in a little over a week (and maybe keep it secret for about two more while we figured out if it would work or not as to not hurt Lia’s feelings).
However, the day after I broke up with Lia, my other friend, Samantha, told me that she had feelings for Nico. I hadn’t expected it all, since she had seemed to have fallen for this other guy a few weeks before and then another in the month before that.
I was (selfishly) hoping it would just blow over, but it’s been a week or so and she very clearly still likes him.
However, she doesn’t know him nearly as well as I do: he and I spend a few hours talking on the phone every week (plus I kind of left my SO for him) and they only talk in group scenarios, so I don’t think she’s as serious about it as I am (though I still don’t want to dismiss her feelings).
Also, I know for a fact he’d go out with me if I asked because one of my other friends told me that he:
– Used to like me but stopped because I was ‘too much for him’ and said word for word ‘(my name) deserves a lot better than me’ (which made me so happy I cried multiple times but I digress)
– Doesn’t actively pursue me but could definitely have serious feelings for me if he did
– Gave my friend a list of around 4 girls who he’d go out with if asked to and my name was on it while Samantha’s wasn’t.
Plus, as immature and ‘finders keepers’-y as it is, I know for a fact that I started liking him first. Additionally, we’re in high school, so it’s not like I’d be breaking up a marriage or anything. But I’ve still felt awful about it: on one hand, Samantha and I aren’t best friends or anything, but she’s still an amazing girl, and I care about her a lot.
I don’t want her to think her feelings don’t matter to me, even if they are possibly less intense than mine. Not to mention that I think some of my friends are secretly mad at me for leaving Lia and I don’t want this to make me lose so many people I care about.
On the other hand, I think she would get over it much quicker than I would if they started going out, simply because I know I am way closer to him than she is. This is the first time I’ve ever wanted a serious relationship, and I don’t want to throw that away.
Also, she’s kind of shy, so I’m not sure if she’ll even ask him out soon (or ever), while I was thinking of doing it in 2 days. So, WIBTJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You can’t call dibs on another human.
Also, I would consider the boy’s feelings. He said he’d go out with you not her soooooooo shrug. Sucks for her but she has zero claims to a person she’s not even with especially if he doesn’t even like her back?” Least-usedTowel
Another User Comments:
“Oh, how I wish I could go back to the days where this was all I had to worry about lol now I have bills and debts to pay off.
To answer your question, you would not be the jerk.
You like him, he likes you, that’s all there really is to it. The drama will most likely ensue if you two get together, and while you don’t owe anyone an explanation, the only explanation you would ever really need to give is as I stated. You two like each other, so you acted on it.” dammdarcy
Another User Comments:
“I’ll say NTJ since it’s not like this is Lia’s ex or anything and the principle of it is we don’t ‘own’ people just by crushing on them. She is free to make her move just as much as you are.
But realistically be prepared for drama because the person who confided in you liking someone, finding out you then asked them out, almost always results in some fireworks and hurt feelings.” GyroThrowAway
15. AITJ For Wanting My Parents To Help With The Housechores?
“I’m a 16yo high school student who is invested in many other extracurricular activities such as a church, a club, band practice, homework, honor’s projects, and UIL events. Over the course of a normal week I can rack up 55 hours spent not at home or working on schoolwork.
With all that, my mom expects me to keep up many of the chores around the house including washing/unloading dishes, doing cat boxes, doing my laundry, feeding animals, and whatever else they want me to do.
Meanwhile, both my parents are home way more often than I, my mom works from home excluding maybe 1 or 2 days, as her company’s VP of technology.
My dad is home most of the day too because he’s a freelancer, he can’t have a real job because he gets migraines 2-3 times a week. (Military disability pay) they both are there nearly the entire time I’m not.
Even though I split some of my chores with my younger sister, many days she refuses to do them and goes unpunished. I admit to not doing dishes or cat boxes some days too because I’m either too exhausted or too busy.
One day or two I have just skipped them outright because I grow tired of doing everything they say. Then one day I’ll get home and my mom or dad is yelling at me because the dishes are piling up.
I just feel like I’m the hardest worker in this family, and I really want some help from them, but they refuse and pin the blame on me. If they get mad at my sister, all she has to do is say I didn’t do my part, then I end up tending to the overwhelming pile.
Am I being a whiny brat or are they all in the wrong here?”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here, I can see why you’re frustrated, and I can see why your parents are frustrated. I partially agree that it would be a good idea to set up a chore chart.
Discuss it with your parents, let them know why you’re doing it without sounding whiney (even go so far as to say that you’re setting it up so things don’t get forgotten) and use it to keep track.
Honestly though, if keeping up with your responsibilities at home feels like it’s too much, then it’s time to drop something outside of the home. Biting off more than you can chew will just burn you out faster than you think.” ShadyVermin
Another User Comments:
“It’s not a competition.
They wiped your butt as a baby. They’ve still clocked more hours than you have to do work and chores.
You’re the one choosing to have so many activities. If you don’t have enough time to take care of your responsibilities, then you need to cut some of your extracurricular activities.
I would have to do the same thing and I’m 38. I work full time and have leisure activities I do 3 nights a week. If I didn’t have time to get all my stuff done, I’d have to drop something.
YTJ.” mdthomas
Another User Comments:
“You’re NTJ because you’re a kid and you have a lot on your plate. You’re super well rounded and I’m sure you have your parents to thank for that on top of your drive and interests – you should be proud of all of your accomplishments.
That being said, a home is a tough thing to upkeep when you have 4 people living there. Chores are not just to teach kids responsibility but to alleviate some of the stress of the parents since they usually are hard at work providing and taking care of the ‘behind the scenes’ chores regarding owning a home.
Freelancing IS a real job. Do not demean your father for doing what he can while navigating his disability. Migraines can be debilitating and take people out of commission for days at a time.
If you’re overwhelmed, see if you can have more of a concrete chore chart made where your parents can see the things you’ve done each day (including club activities and homework time on it) so they understand a bit better how stretched your time feels.
This can also help with the ‘lazy sister’ part since she’ll have certain things she has to do on the chart and if she doesn’t get them done, your parents see that. Sitting down with them and discussing how burnt out you feel is so, so important to maintaining a healthy relationship with your parents.” Razzberries91
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here.
Your parents should absolutely hold your sister to the same standards and not let her get away with slacking. I remember having to pick up my brother’s slack when he refused to do chores and it was infuriating.
But your judgmental tone about your parents is crazy. Your mom works from home, but that doesn’t mean she has time to be doing chores when she’s working. Your dad doesn’t have a full-time job due to debilitating migraines — which I bet makes it difficult to do chores.
I was loading and unloading the dishwasher and doing all my household laundry by age 12. It’s not an overwhelming amount of chores. Do your part.” vandajoy
14. AITJ For Hating My Partner's Friend?
“My partner and I have been on and off for about a year. Ever since February of 2021 he and this girl have been friends. Let’s call her K. So in the beginning K didn’t bother me.
We were actually pretty good friends but one night she decided she was going to tell my bf that she has a crush on him. Of course, this annoyed me. He told her he didn’t feel the same (because we’re together obviously).
After that, she just seemed to absolutely hate my guts. I didn’t do anything I just told him she makes me uncomfortable.
A couple of months later my partner was supposed to go to our friend’s choir concert after hanging out with her.
Instead, he fell asleep at her house. When he woke up, she decided it would be a great idea to kiss him. Him being half asleep kissed her back. When he realized what had happened, he texted me immediately.
I was absolutely furious. I was shaking with anger. At that point, I decided I needed a break from our relationship. Because she kissed him a lot of our mutual friends got really upset with her. This caused her to be upset with me and she started talking trash about me behind my back.
Ever since then she’s been super mean with me and won’t even make eye contact. She’s also weirdly possessive of my partner and reads over all his messages whenever she gets the chance and sends him love letters and is near him every single time I try to talk to him in school.
I’m too much of a baby to ask him to completely cut contact so I just keep telling him she makes me uncomfortable. AITJ?
Edit: He said he’d cut contact a long time ago and he did stop talking to her for one whole month.
I’ve also sent him screenshots of a couple of comments and he’s been completely ignoring them. He’s still texting me just not acknowledging the screenshots. My friends are all telling me to be more assertive but I’m not sure how to even approach the situation with him.
Edit2: uh I’ve just found out that she’s giving him gifts, cards, and made a cake for his birthday. Also the other day he had gotten back to his house from another friend and I asked if he could come over to my house and he said ‘IDK if I can get a ride’ (we don’t have licenses yet) even though he had just gotten a ride to and from a different town.
I almost cried honestly
Update: I asked him to block her and he put up a fight about it. He didn’t block her until I blew up on him for it. We’re still fighting about it and she texted me asking why I made him block her when she knows full well what happened. I got screenshots from friends of conversations where they cuddled together, held hands, and slept over with each other while we were still together.
IDK what to do because I don’t want to break up with him. I love him so much and don’t want to lose.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, she is being the jerk here, but at least your bf told you what happened, don’t punish him for being honest with you.
Maybe kill her with kindness, be super nice to her .” Agreeable-Meat-7219
Another User Comments:
“Not really YTJ, just too naive to see what’s really going on. How do you know she told your partner she had a crush on him?
He told you. How do you know she kissed him? He told you. His excuse that he kissed her back because he was tired is absurd (and a preemptive defense for in case she told people he was kissing her).
Guys wanting girls to fight over them is a trope as old as time. You’re both being manipulated by this guy. Stop taking the bait. He’s pitting you against each other.” DplusLplusKplusM
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but it sounds like your partner is enabling her.
Staying at her place overnight, kissing her back, letting her read his messages, not cutting her off, etc. There’s more here than her just overstepping boundaries. It’s that your partner isn’t telling her there is any. Maybe rethink the relationship if he doesn’t consider you serious enough to cut her out himself.” snoopdoggo-exe
13. AITJ For Letting My Roommate's Cats Out?
“My college roommate (22M) ‘Jimmy’ has gotten two cats in the last year: 10 months old ‘Rosoc’ and 3 months old ‘Tisco.’ This began when he first got Rosoc as a baby kitten:
I arrived one day and heard a mystery cat upstairs, locked behind Jimmy’s door, thus I went to buy wet cat food — tuna, chicken, and the sort. Two days later, Jimmy came back sometime during the night, only to leave again for days.
I woke up and found Rosoc in the living room! The kitten was thin and barely active. I gave him some of the wet food I had bought and he ate the entire serving. Jimmy came back three days later and locked Rosoc in his room again.
The entire semester, Jimmy proceeded with his usual schedule of going out a lot and coming to the house very sparsely. Usually, the cat stayed locked in his room for days, and when it cried, I would go upstairs and put my fingers under the door, and it would lay on them and purr; occasionally, Jimmy would leave his door open and the cat would roam free — They were quite special, the days when Rosoc was set free — After several months, Rosco had become a playful kitten, we would chase each other in the house, and it wasn’t thin anymore.
I left for winter break, and when I came back, Rosoc was thin again and less active. I suspect Rosoc is not fed well but I have never gone inside that room to see the cat supplies. The usual continued: Jimmy rarely ever in the house and Rosoc sporadically free.
Even when he got his second cat Tisco, Rosoc was still sporadically left outside the room.
Eventually, Rosoc really wanted to go to the bathroom, so I tried to open Jimmy’s room to see if by any chance it was unlocked and Rosoc could go take a dump… and it was unlocked!
Thereafter, knowing that Jimmy’s room was potentially unlocked, I would try to open Jimmy’s room to let Rosoc out. Tisco eventually stopped being ‘too young,’ and I finally let him come out too; it was not as skinny as Rosoc ever was, but still had an appetite for wet food.
Life was good, I let the cats out when I could watch them and returned them after… but one day Jimmy started always locking his door, and always leaving Rosoc out. Tisco now cries because it is alone in that room, and Rosoc can’t get to its litterbox anymore.
It was this weekend that Jimmy had been gone for four days straight that I messaged him about it, that he should leave his door unlocked — this is what he replied:
‘I checked Tisco before I left he’s just lonely and the only reason Rosoc isn’t in there is because you played with them under the door while I wasn’t there and sometimes while I was so he digs up the carpet if he’s alone.
Also, you made Rosoc aggressive by chasing him in the middle of the night. And if I leave my door unlocked you will open it and go in there which is an invasion of my privacy because I used to leave the door unlocked until you started doing that.
So I will keep my door locked and will take care of my own cats and if you want to do something you can get your own cats’.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
He’s not taking good care of those poor cats.
Why does he have cats if he just locks them up for days at a time and doesn’t feed them?
If you want my honest opinion? Those cats need to be rehomed immediately. Just reading this was hard for me.
Have you considered rehoming the cats in secret during one of Jimmy’s longer absences? The good and bad thing about animals is that when they’re lost or stolen, there’s not much you can do, because the monetary value of your average housecat is about $50, so that’s all you get in a small court.
If you’re willing to swallow that, consider finding them new homes, or taking them with you when you move out.
In addition: if you know where he’s getting the cats from, AKA the local animal shelter, contact them and let them know.” Yukimor
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Contact animal control and the landlord and explain the situation. Cats need to have interaction with someone. My little furballs give me attitude if I’ve been gone for a few hours and the one time I was gone for days (my husband and two of my children were home to care for them, and my oldest was in the hospital) my cats were acting out because two of their people were gone.
There is also the problem of them requiring regular feeding. Kittens are not capable of missing a meal, they don’t have the necessary body fat because they are growing. If he claims the one is aggressive, it’s likely to play aggression.
The only fix for that is being attentive and playing with the cat. Two things your roommate seems incapable of doing.” Fluffy-Ad-122
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. This is wrong. He should not have those cats. You know people pay a lot for pet sitters to come to their homes and take care of their pets when they’re away.
And this guy is upset someone is trying to do it for free. If he’s away that much and won’t let anyone take care of the cats he shouldn’t have them. This is absolutely neglect. Living things aren’t just there for his convenience.
I’m not sure how to proceed from here. You could maybe call the apartment office and say your roommate is locking up animals and shoe them the cats when they’re locked up and crying? I’m not sure. They could easily move away and just keep abusing the cats also.
Perhaps reach out to an animal care group?” Seahorsecakes
12. AITJ Being Mad Because Of A Misunderstanding While Texting?
“I was telling my close friend something important about my mental health over text and she responded with ‘Alright?’ which sounded kinda trashy, so I tried elaborating a bit more and she responded with ‘Ok, I guess’ which I proceeded to get mad about because it seemed like she didn’t care about what I was talking about despite it being important.
Her first argument was that a ‘?’ means that you don’t understand something. And although that is the case I believe that there are other uses for it, such as sarcasm (not necessarily joking, but meaning the opposite of what you say) which is how I took it because she didn’t state that she had a question.
Later on, in the argument, I figured out that she thinks ‘ok I guess’ is the same as ‘ok I guess that makes sense.’ In my head that doesn’t connect, so I told her next time to elaborate on things because not everyone knows your shortcuts when it comes to texting, to which she responded with ‘you should know this, it’s day to day conversational stuff.’ Personally, I have never heard of this abbreviation before, so I could just be stupid.
Next, she said that she didn’t think that she should elaborate while using text messaging, because I should know this sort of stuff, so I recommended tone tags/indicators, which she ignored and kept on arguing with me.
In the end, she said the following; ‘I do not want to talk to you if you can’t understand my tone and get mad at me for not wanting to elaborate.’
She then proceeded to block me.
I’m not sure if I’m just dumb and got mad at her for no reason so please let me know. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. ‘It’s your fault for not understanding me when I am communicating unclearly in a medium that is notoriously difficult for conveying tone and nuance’ is a pretty terrible take from your friend.” cuddlemonkey_
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here. Use the phone to talk instead of trying to decipher the intent of the text.” Duukt
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
She was being an unsupportive friend. It doesn’t sound like she really cares.” Aggravating_Law_1315
11. AITJ For Being Super Busy On Easter?
10. AITJ For Being Mad At My Spouse Because The House Is Dirty?
“My wife and I have been married for almost 9 years and have 2 kids (5 and 2). We have different definitions of clean. I tend to think of clean as things being organized and put into place with nothing really out of place.
My wife defines it as everything scrubbed, dusted, etc.
I work 9-hour days in my home office. My wife is a pre-school teacher and works 8:30-12:00 Monday through Friday.
She takes care of the kids in the afternoon while I continue working on work days.
We share chores as sometimes I will do the laundry over my lunch break (or later at night) and she does the vast majority of the cooking. Other stuff is split up ad hoc except for trash which I typically handle.
Our 2-year-old has been sick over the weekend. We have taken turns getting up early with him. My wife got up with him last night as she is on Spring Break this week and doesn’t have to work.
All day she has been laying with both kids on the couch while the TV was on and occasionally playing with our 5-year-old and doing arts and crafts when the 2-year-old went down for a nap.
When I came down from work, the playroom was a mess, the kitchen was a mess and the area between was also a mess.
Not only are there toys all over but also packed coolers from trips to the family last night, Easter boxes filled with Easter decorations, and the kitchen is a mess as we had not yet begun cleaning together.
A friend of hers texted (who also had a husband and 2 kids) about coming over and making quesadillas and margaritas.
My response was ‘I would have no problem with it if the house was in order.’
Immediately my wife was furious at that comment.
She also told me it was how I said it.
She was out with her friends multiple times last week during our kid’s bedtime as well.
So am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. My best suggestion is a method my kids’ preschool teacher taught the kids and we use at home (so your wife may find value in this?)
Clean/tidy/organize a room to an agreed-upon standard. Take a photo of it. I print the photo and put it on the back of the door/cupboard. The room is good when it’s at that standard. No more arguing..
that’s what clean/tidy is.
For the kids they photographed a space and made a lanyard… the kids wore the random space they were given and made it look like the picture. This also works well at home and for teens who can’t get past doing the dishes.” Adventurous-Low9768
Another User Comments:
“YTJ.
Houses get messy and then they get clean. Your wife is looking after two kids, one is sick.
You were asked about having someone come over and you deny permission based on the mess.
You are not her parent.
You justify your position with info that she has been socializing with friends this last week. YTJ.
Children are exhausting. Sick children are more exhausting.” Suspicious-Hat7777
Another User Comments:
“NTJ kinda… I feel like you could’ve worded that in a different way.
I could see how she would interpret that as you passively aggressively saying she should’ve cleaned the house. But I don’t think you’re wrong for wanting a clean house before people come over. Maybe next time just be like ‘if be okay with that but the house isn’t clean.
Maybe we can clean it really quickly or rain check for a different day.'” Divine_skylin3
Another User Comments:
“If you’re unhappy that she didn’t do any house-tidying today during the first day of her week off, talk to your wife about it.
Don’t send a passive-aggressive text for her to see indicating that the house is not in order, implying that you had nothing to do with it. You were certainly a participant in Easter festivities and the family trip that seemed to generate most of the ‘mess.’ Y.T.J.” ParsimoniousSalad
9. AITJ For Being Protecting Of My Friend While She's Partying?
“I (22M) had a friend (18F) who came to Montreal (she lives in a town a couple of hours away), and originally we had planned to do activities together and that I’d show her around Montreal for her since she doesn’t live here, but in a Discord server to meet up people in Montreal, there was an event an at the bar and she wanted to go there, which at first I was a little sad since we already made plans, but I accepted since she’s the one visiting and I wanted her to enjoy her time.
Fast forward to when she arrives at my place, I explain that I’ll be going to the bar as well because I know how easy she is at being manipulated, which happened in the past, and I want to keep her safe.
So we both knew that I was coming simply to make sure she stays safe and goes back home safely.
We arrive at the bar and we join the others. The bar is very small and we’re 10 at a table made for 6.
I ordered some weird hamburger and offered my salad to her since I know she was hungry, but she was too anxious to eat.
2 hours later, I ask her when she thinks she wants to leave and she says ‘I was thinking late.
You don’t have to stay if you’re not comfortable, you gotta come for your own happiness,’ and I simply replied with ‘I’m staying.’ To be honest, I would’ve left sooner, but there were 2 guys that really made me feel like, if I leave something bad will happen to her, which one of them sorta tried. My friend smokes the magic leaf, but since she drives, she can’t smoke for tonight, but then 1 guy tells her that she can crash at his house whenever so that she can smoke.
She asks me if I’m fine with it that she won’t sleep at my house since that was the original plan, so I explain to her that she doesn’t know him and he could very easily take advantage of her while she’s not in the right mind, and she said that it’s fine, she’ll be careful, so I simply gave in since I can’t force her into anything, but the guy says ‘Oh, sorry not tonight, anytime but tonight’.
30 minutes later, I decided to leave. Before I did, I told her to call me whenever she was leaving to tell me where she was sleeping and that she was fine.
It’s 2:50 AM and I call her to see if she’s still at the bar since it closes at 3 AM, but no response, so I just leave a text message.
Then I try contacting on Discord one of the guy that went to the event if he knew where she was and told me that she dropped them off at their place, then drove back to her own place.
I relaxed a little since I was glad to hear that she was fine. At 4 AM, I try calling again since she usually answers her phone while driving, but again, no answer. I’m starting to feel a little scared since, again, I don’t know the guy, is he telling me the truth or not?
And to put it simply, I called her about 6 times and left 4 text messages asking for her whereabouts.
At 5:20 AM, she texts me ‘I’m ok, going to bed now, all safe’ and then doesn’t answer anything until she wakes up.
AITJ for ruining a little bit of her fun in Montreal for trying to keep her safe?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ… you sound like a good friend. I would just be careful about not pushing too much. I think trusting a stranger like that is really scary, but she’s an adult.
You might talk to her about how she feels about certain scenarios sometimes when you’re not out. Maybe she’d appreciate you stopping her from going with a stranger when she’s had a few drinks, or maybe she wants you to stay out of it.
I’d have a difficult time having her over of she’s making sketchy choices though. You’re too young to be up all night worried sick, waiting for a teen to get home.” mynewusername10
Another User Comments:
“YTJ for giving yourself a position in her life she hasn’t agreed to.
She obviously didn’t want to stay with you and in the whole story, you did seem like the most… invading (?) person on her.” FlowerOk3892
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. you were absolutely right to be concerned and want to keep her safe.
I would have loved to have a friend like you when I was 18. you did nothing wrong. she was with a COMPLETE STRANGER and anything could’ve happened to her.” amityblight2000
8. AITJ For Still Working For My Ex's Dad?
“My ex’s dad owns a small company, and I am a direct report. His dad hosts monthly company get-togethers at his house, and that’s how I met my ex. I was with my ex for five years, and we amicably broke up a year ago.
We were living together, and after we broke up, I moved to a new apartment and he moved back home with his parents. I continued working for his dad even though we broke up and would have to see each other once a month.
I thought everything was fine until yesterday.
His dad hosted a company event at his house yesterday for Easter. My ex was obviously there and he had brought his new girl. During the party, she came up to me and said it was weird that I still work for my ex’s dad and I should find a new job.
I confronted my ex about it, and he admitted that it was uncomfortable for him. He told me his two new relationships after we broke upended because of me. I asked him if he wanted me to quit, and he said yes.
So AITJ for working for my ex’s dad? And WIBTJ for continuing to work for my ex’s dad now that I know it makes him uncomfortable?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. He met you while you worked there, he knew you worked for his dad.
The reason people say don’t date where you work is because, in situations like this, it’s awkward when it ends. His previous relationships didn’t end because of you, it ended because the new girls were jealous or it just wasn’t a good fit.
In no way are you actively sabotaging his relationships, you are just staying employed.
If you stay at the company just start ignoring him and if he brings it up again, tell him if he has a problem with your employment – he can speak to his father about it.
Tell him you’re happy in your job and don’t think you should leave because he feels weird at company events.” ADSwasAISloveDKS
Another User Comments:
“Hmmm…
Not many workplaces have celebrations on the holiday itself. It sounds like his dad’s approach to running things has a less defined work and personal life.
That would make it difficult for your ex to distance himself from you in his own home.
Maybe make an agreement on boundaries like you don’t go in certain rooms during the events his dad hosts so that your ex knows he doesn’t have to run into you.
Also, it’s strange that he’s had two relationships that have ended and he’s shared that it’s because of you. Is it because he is not over you? In that case, set up boundaries that establish you are not getting back together and give him the space he needs (while you don’t have to quit the job, maybe there are other things you can do to minimize or eliminate interaction with him).
If it’s because the ladies attend these events and pick up on the chemistry between you two, then that’s also a reason to reexamine your interactions.
Basically, what I’m reading between the lines, is you think it’s amicable and friendly, but he is not in a space where friendship is a contented experience.
Either he’s heartbroken, frustrated, confused, or all of the above.
I mean, you were together for five years.
Do what you think will be helpful and clear for your boundaries and respect his. No jerks here.” purpleit11
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
You shouldn’t have to quit your career because your ex’s new partner is insecure about it. And if your ex truly felt that uncomfortable with it then surely with the split being amicable he could have brought it up before now.
Do not quit. But maybe speak to your boss and mention it might be better to miss the next couple of meet-ups at the house as a compromise.” AyenDrkwing
Another User Comments:
“It depends on your notice for working there.
If you think this company is the best job for future growth in your career, and you do well there, then NTJ, he had to deal with it.
If a part of you still likes him, wants to be in his life, and is happy that your presence ruins his relationships, then YTJ.
Only you know the answers to those questions.” FreeMySpeech
His current girlfriend is very much jealous that you are still around, in any capacity. Ignore her and keep working. And if he claims his last two relationships failed because of you then he needs to take a good hard look at himself. You have nothing to do with his relationships, it's all him. If they failed it's because he either kept bringing you up or he was caught watching you at those parties and the girls got jealous. Amicable breakup or not there are clearly still feelings there of some kind.
7. AITJ For Being Aloof With My Friends?
“Over these past couple of weeks, I’ve (f 17) been having these issues with my two best friends both (f 17).
I’m a liar and I am a fraud I don’t know what’s wrong with me and I honestly don’t know what to do with my life. I’ve been pushing them away recently like a lot.
We’re really close so this is confusing to them. I keep lashing out every time they ask me what’s wrong. Also, I have trouble telling them the truth and continue to flake out on plans even if they really need me.
I feel terrible that I wasn’t there when one of them got kicked out. I have no motivation whatsoever. I recently apologized. Instead of telling the truth, I lied again. literally AGAIN.
I told them somebody in my family passed away.
so yeah that was a lie. I really don’t want to push my problems on them and honestly, even though we share everything together I’m embarrassed. I’ve even isolated myself from them for two weeks over a lie.
Although we are really close I feel like I’m starting to lose them. They constantly ask me what’s going on and it always ends up in arguments now. Now they won’t even talk to me. like at all.
And the saddest part is I don’t even seem to care. I mean I care about them. So much. Literally so much. But not the flaking. I’m too tired to care. They’re ignoring me. Which I hate.
I know I’m a hypocrite. They’re so annoyed they won’t even talk to me.
The last time I spoke to one of them was about four days ago in person. I came over. We didn’t even yell at each other but there definitely was a calm argumentI told her Idk what was wrong with me and said that I was tired. It wasn’t in a rude way but she said I’ve been a jerk 24/7 lately.
I just said sorry and then left. She was upset about that. She was happy we were finally talking then I ran out on her and flaked. Now none of them are talking to me. But I’m just so on and off.
I don’t know what to do. I wish they could just give me more time.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It seems you’re perhaps going through some mental health issues and are aware enough to recognize this isn’t how you want to be.
It can be so confusing. I truly encourage you to find help (school counselor? See if parent/guardian insurance covers a therapist for you) and see if you can get to the bottom of what is really going on.” ozuulrules
Another User Comments:
“It sounds like you’re going through depression. Some of the symptoms I suffer from myself include self-isolation, easy anger, and procrastination… which it sounds like you’re having too. I’d recommend finding a therapist, or psychiatrist and seeking help.
A psychiatrist may even be able to prescribe meds that might help. Once you’re seeking help, one of the things you’ll need to do is reach out to them and explain the situation to them honestly.
You don’t have to get into details, but it’s depression and you’re getting help. If they are truly your friends, they will understand and get past it.
The biggest thing is going to be being open and honest, with your therapist and with your friends.
Sometimes the people around you can help you catch a depressive slump before it spirals too deeply, but they can’t do that if they don’t know what’s going on.
You are NTJ, but because of this state of depression, your friends may see it as jerk behavior, so be sensitive to that.
And I hope the best for you.” Thisisthatguy99
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I get how awful it feels to completely drop everything. I’m sorry you feel this way. Write a letter to your friends. If you can’t go into details don’t.
If your living situation is unsafe and you can’t voice what’s going on write an email.” Realistic-Slip45
6. AITJ For Suggesting My Partner To Go To Therapy?
“Me female 20 and my partner male 20, have been together for almost 8 months and I wouldn’t change anything for the world.
I once saw on his Reddit page him asking an anxiety-related community what therapy is like and even if it’s worth it to go. This was long before we have even met maybe a year prior. I brought it up to him saying therapy is something to do even if it’s not something serious, as someone who’s been going on and off the past 5 years now I found it helpful to have an unbiased trained professional to hear my thoughts.
He then flipped out at me saying it was rude for me to snoop on his Reddit (even though he let me follow it and he followed mine knowing the person IRL on this anonymous app). He said he posted it with the intention of never being brought up in person.
So this burst of our rage was not like him and I got worried and still suggested he go from seeing his reaction. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“I’m gonna go with ‘no jerks here’. The internet is weird.
We kind of have this false shroud of privacy when we post stuff like that despite knowing, logically, that anyone could dig into our web history at any time. Since it’s public information, I don’t think you owe him an apology, and it’s probably worth just letting it go for the time being.
But as your relationship progresses and issues come up around mental health and anxiety, it might not hurt to gently mention it again, or even just talk about your own experience. Seeking help for your struggles is awesome!” finkplamingoes
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You made a suggestion. And if the reaction is making you feel a certain way, listen to that feeling. Odd he would behave like that if it was never supposed to be mentioned? Like okay, moving on?
Or, wait a minute.” Realistic-Slip45
Another User Comments:
“I don’t think you’re the jerk for bringing it up. But you still suggest going after seeing his reaction could have been left unsaid to him.
You definitely didn’t do anything wrong by going on his Reddit, if he didn’t want you reading it… anonymous account or delete it after the post. I mean it’s on the internet…” Difficult_Abrocoma79
5. AITJ For Ruining Our Friendship Because Of A Group Project?
“I became friends with this girl (E) freshman year of college, first semester. We have the same major so we always saw each other and it was easy to become friends. We did a group project together last year (sophomore year, first semester) and she didn’t do much work, but I brushed it off because I and the other 2 in the group were workaholics and did most of it anyway.
We barely asked anything of her. In the second semester of that year, she apologized to me and said the understood my anger because she didn’t contribute.
This year, we are in our capstone/Senior Project class. We decided to be in the same group because we knew each other.
It’s a long-winded story about how our group came to be (her other friend in the class essentially flaked) but our group consists of me, E, M, and L. M and L were pretty helpful last semester with our project, but there wasn’t much to do.
This semester, L got sick (compromised immune system) and we needed to pick up her slack, understandable. M quickly stopped responding and helping as well. That left me and E to do everything. We were able to get a few time-sensitive things done and were caught up.
However, our profs have reached out this weekend about mandatory meetings as our research is due this Friday. I reached out to all group members and after some pushing, I received responses from M and L, but not E.
E has always been unpredictable with schedules but ALWAYS predictable with reactions. I emailed our profs privately to explain the situation (no one responding, having to pick up the slack, etc.) and 1 prof understood my frustration while the other has yet to respond.
I have EVERYTHING riding on this project. I am on track to graduate early and have a job lined up after graduation. But I can’t graduate without passing this class. None of them seem to understand this.
That’s where ending the friendship comes in.
I have consistently explained this to E and she has done nothing besides the occasional help with work when the others slack. She hasn’t responded to the group, doesn’t attend lab, class, etc. She knows how much I have to ride on this class and claims to support me and be my friend, yet all she does is complain about the workload while not helping out and then complain about our group members’ slacking.
All while she has yet to contribute a single thing to this project (all of the picked-up slack was essentially me working and her sitting there).
She wanted to live with me next year and we looked at apartments together, we’re creating google docs and spreadsheets for it, but I backed out because I gave her a firm price range and she only looked at places way over my budget and said: ‘I can take the bigger room so you’ll pay less’ (which doesn’t help when it’s $500+ out of my range).
AITJ? Essentially my future and my financial stability are riding on this one class, she knows it, we’ve discussed her lack of contribution, yet she still fails to do her part. It’s to the point where my professor has never seen this sort of group instability.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – Realistically, she isn’t one of your closest friends, she’s using you. Get the project done and then cut ties. Or at least make her a social friend, not a roommate friend.” SunnyRose57
Another User Comments:
“YTJ for choosing to do a project with someone where it’s very important future-wise, but you previously did a project with them and they were flakey. What did you expect?
NTJ for not wanting to live with her after these two experiences.
You don’t have to end the friendship, but you can explain there have been two times in the past when I depended on you and you let me down. I no longer feel comfortable being in a situation where I will depend on you because the trust isn’t there.” makethatnoise
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here. You’ve had bad group work experiences with E in the past and know what she’s like from a personal standpoint. You knew better than to do another project with her, let alone one with so much riding on it.
She sucks for not taking it as seriously as you and blowing off the other group members.
Record and keep all communication between your group members. If your professors aren’t going to mediate due to problems within the group, do the project yourself and write a letter detailing everything you did on your own; include that when you turn it in along with all the receipts from group members not responding or slacking.” Razzberries91
4. AITJ For Asking My Partner To Tone Down His Jokes?
“I am much more anti-social than my partner is, we’re both around the same age but he has MANY more friends than I do.
We share a few mutual friends, but only one of the mutuals is the one we mostly hang out with when it’s the 3 of us. Now my partner is really comfortable with most of his friends, sometimes disturbingly so to me.
Like, he’ll make inappropriate, super racy and naughty jokes with his friends and they all laugh and continue joking like that, and I know that’s how they joke and everything but it always makes me uncomfortable and I don’t know why.
Maybe I’m just overreacting and taking it too personally, but it makes me feel like my skin is crawling when he makes those jokes with other people.
I had a chat with him earlier about it, and about how it made me uncomfortable and he went off saying that I’m keeping him from making jokes that he thinks are funny, and when I expressed again how it bothered me, he said quote, ‘Fine, I just won’t make any jokes from now on’ which I know is nonsense because he pulls this far too much.
It almost sounds like gaslighting to me but I’m not sure, I don’t want him to not joke, I just don’t want him to make inappropriate jokes like they’re nothing, because it makes me extremely uncomfortable. Like stomach flipping, skin-crawling uncomfortable.
And this isn’t the first time I’ve brought it up either, I’ve asked several times over a span of a few months, and nothing. So, genuinely AITJ? I don’t feel like I am but I still feel guilty..”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. It doesn’t sound like the jokes are offensive or dark. Everyone has different types of humor and if you don’t find this funny, that’s fine. But your partner does, that’s also fine.
You could compromise, have a conversation about it, and instead of telling him to straight-up stop the jokes, try to reach a middle ground!” absolutebeast_
Another User Comments:
“YTJ.
This is the gentlest I can put it, you are insecure.
You’re worried your (presumably) straight partner is going to leave you for his guy friends, to the point it’s making you physically ill? You need therapy and/or to boost your self-confidence and your confidence in your relationship.” tempoDash
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here: but you two are just different. Tbh I’m probably a lot like your partner. I make personal and dark humor jokes with my friends. If my partner asked me to stop honestly that would be hard because it’s who I am.” ImpossibleHand5086
3. AITJ For Giving My Sister-In-Law A House?
“My brother (Jack) and his new wife (Brittany) got married this last weekend. Brittany lives with her parents while Jack lives with me. He’s getting back on his feet and couldn’t afford a place of their own, so he was going to move into her parents’ house after they got married and work towards getting a place together after that.
They had asked me before to move into my place together but I said no. I already have my own husband and kids and am housing Jack, I didn’t want to get stuck with both of them.
Jack seemed to understand but Brittany was pretty upset about it as she isn’t generally happy with her parents.
Seeing their dilemma and still wanting to help, I got together with the rest of our family and put together a plan.
Rather than buy gifts for the wedding, we’d all pitch in and buy them a tiny house and trailer, along with a deposit + 3 months’ rent on a plot to park it. All they’d need to pay after that was the monthly rent for the plot after 3 months once they were more established.
It was a huge buy, but we really put our heart into it. On the wedding day at the reception, one of the groomsmen sneaked off to grab the trailer and home and bring it out to the venue.
We had the DJ make an announcement and have this whole big reveal for the house.
When we showed the bride and groom, I insisted they check out the inside as we’d spent a long time decorating it as well.
Here’s the problem. Brittany is a big woman. She was able to get in the door and walk around, but she came out visibly upset and started ‘joking’ about how it’s a house built for the ‘beauty standard’ and not ‘real women with meat on their bones.’ It got kinda awkward and so I tried to liven the mood by going in there and showing off some of the features.
Brittany joked that I should take it since I like it so much and that I clearly only had my body type in mind when buying it.
I pulled her aside and asked her to stop with the comments.
She started to cry and said that she could barely fit in there and that I embarrassed her by insisting she went in in front of everyone just to show ‘how big she is.’ She told me that I don’t know what it’s like to have heavier genetics and that it’s not fair I have to bigger house.
At this point, I took my family and left. My brother hasn’t come by but has called me numerous times asking me to sell the house and give them the cash as an apology. Finally, I told him that if they used that 3 months for her to lose weight, They’d probably be a lot comfier in the house.
He told my family this and now I’m getting all kinds of flak about how I’m being a mean girl. But I just bought them a house??
Am I really the insensitive one here?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ.
You didn’t buy them a house but a trailer and a financial commitment they didn’t ask for. Who does that as a wedding guest? Living in a trailer isn’t exactly glamorous, at the very least you could have asked them but it is clear you didn’t.
As well as that the wife does have a point if indeed she couldn’t fit inside the place, it doesn’t seem like you really considered what you were giving them. Then to top this all off you outright insult them when leaving and tell them to lose weight.
That is no way to act ever, let alone during and after a wedding.” College_advice12
Another User Comments:
“YTJ.
First of all, you didn’t buy them a house, your entire family chipped in so don’t take all the credit.
Anyway…
I somewhat agree that your brother and his new wife could have been more gracious in their reception of the gift. Obviously, it’s not at all what they wanted but, even without knowing specific numbers, it’s clear that the family put a lot of time and effort and money into the home – that could have been appreciated, even if your brother and sister-in-law go a different route with keeping or selling the tiny house.
Gracefully receive it at the moment, and then speak to the family privately after the wedding about why it’s not the right choice. And I only say I ‘somewhat’ agree that they could have been more gracious because when it became obvious your sister-in-law didn’t want to go in the home and wasn’t comfortable you kept pushing the point.
As for the rest of the family, maybe not jerks but DEFINITELY misguided. There are certain things you should NEVER purchase without the recipient having a say, and a place to live is one of those. There are a million little things a couple might want to personalize in their home, not want at all, or do completely different than even the most well-meaning of gift-givers.
This kind of surprise is designed to maximize the effect for the gift givers, to really put them front and center – it ignores SO MANY of the needs of the recipients. What should have happened is you all could have gotten a demo model or even a giant cardboard cutout or something and presented that to the bride and groom and then let them have a say in the final decisions.
As for you, taking shots at someone’s weight because they weren’t grateful enough for a gift you took part in giving IS mean. Absolutely! Your brother and his wife don’t want to live in the home you all chose.
Instead of holding that against them, figure out what to do next and move on. If this truly was a gift, it’s theirs to sell if they feel like it or rent out or whatever. Live with it instead of getting nasty.” ijustwantedmytruck
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. You didn’t think at all about the logistics of her living in a tiny house. You didn’t need to shame her and make a cruel comment to her. As a fellow large woman – that hurts and it’s not OK to bully someone for their weight.
That’s what you did.
You made her feel self-conscious on her wedding day with your insistence on her going into this house. If you had really wanted to help, you could have banded together and worked out a way to help them get a house of their own.
You could have given them the support, maybe helped them get better jobs or go back into education. You chose instead to dictate where they live and were rude in the process. You didn’t think about the law of unintended consequences.
You have gifted it to them when they don’t really want it. So I’d suggest that they be the ones to sell it and they can keep the cash to help them find somewhere else to live.” Fit-Bear
2. AITJ For Not Settling My Husband's Library Fine And Collections Account?
“My (31f) husband (28M) of 5 years has a LOT of books checked out from the public library. He’s just so bad about returning them that we have a giant stack of them, some of which we’ve had for over a year.
Last month, he got a letter from collections wanting almost $300 in fines and lost book fees. This would be a massive blow to our budget.
I told him to take the books back and ask the library if some of that can be waived since the books were returned and in good condition.
He said he would, but never did.
This weekend, I went to the library to return a couple of books and pay a small $10 fine myself, on my account. I didn’t take his stack of books and told him he could come with me or return them on his own time.
He asked me to take care of it for him since I would already be there, I refused and told him it was his responsibility. He was playing a video game (to be fair, he has been overworked and stressed out lately, and really did need some downtime.)
Was I the jerk? We are usually a good team and we help each other out with remembering responsibilities all the time, but this just felt like too much and I don’t want him to think I will just take care of every uncomfortable situation for him.”
Another User Comments:
“You are not the jerk. NTJ.
He has put it off to the point of avoidance. He needs to take ownership of it or your teamwork will ooze with resentment and frustration. Remind him you are partners, not parents.
That means you can brainstorm and offer solutions but you’re not coming along behind him to amend his habits that he doesn’t take responsibility for.
A factor to consider in problem-solving is checking in with whether this is a pattern he experiences in other areas of life.
Would it be worthwhile to explore supports related to mental health, such as anxiety, ADHD, etc? Again, it’s his lead on those things.
As a team members, you work together to cheer each other on. That doesn’t mean you do the things he avoids so that he doesn’t have to address it.” purpleit11
Another User Comments:
“He was embarrassed. I think you should have returned the books. But I can’t call you out, because you’re right, he’s an adult. No jerks here?
I’ve been in his position and I hate it.
I get out of it by returning the books to the book drop and then paying the fines the next time I take out a book. Somehow, that’s less embarrassing. And I always buy a book at the deaccession table as an apology or donate to the library ‘special’ collection (the fines go into the city general budget).
It’s nice to have a good job and be able to buy one’s way out of sins.
Also, $300 replacement fees frequently drop down to $30 late fees when the book is returned. In many libraries, you can drop the book off in the after-hours return and then pay the fines online.
Libraries will do anything to get their books back and are surprisingly nice to scofflaws. Like me.” WokeJabber
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, it is absolutely ridiculous he let it get to a $300 fine and is STILL ignoring it!
I have walked over and unplugged the gaming system and taken the cord so he can’t plug it back in. I still suggest you do this. Take the cords and charging cables from his stuff and lock it all up until this is dealt with.
If $300 will seriously affect your budget imagine if it grows to $400 or more. Also, it could be sent to a separate collection agency and it can go against your credit for years. He’s acting like a child so treat him that way until he just deals with his problem.
It may already be past the point of no return where returning the books will lower the fees as they most likely have already had to replace them.” Morrigan2022
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here. Look, I’m terrible about returning books, too.
I’ve racked up huge fines like that and had to return books and/or pay fines. I know how much it sucks to have to pay that especially when finances are tight. It’s stupid and ridiculous but it happens, and he absolutely sucks for not taking his books back.
And if he was expecting you to make a trip just for this, I’d be fully on your side. But you were going anyways. Is it really worth $300 that you got to tell him to take his books back himself instead of just taking the 5 minutes to grab the stack and shove them in the return slot on your way by?” InterminableSnowman
1. AITJ For Not Wanting To Argue With My Pregnant Sister?
“I flew out to stay with my sister for a week and attend her baby shower. It was fine until the weekend came and basically anything I said or did felt like I was annoying her. I was still hopeful so on Monday I just offhandedly mentioned that I could move in with them and save them a ton of money on childcare.
I know that was an abrupt way of saying that I wanted to live with them, she got offended and told me they need their space. Which fine, I was just a little manic and excited that she’s going to have a little one, and tbh I miss being closer to her.
I was feeling down and decided to get out for a while so I could put some space between us and process my emotions. I came back around 6:30 pm and had to pack up all my stuff to get ready to leave the next day.
I told them I would make dinner so I was in a hurry but, when I walked in she told me that someone that was at their baby shower that previous Saturday tested positive for a serious disease.
I asked who it was because I was concerned (obviously) and she said ‘I’m not about to violate their HIPAA rights” and I kinda said under my breath ‘well they violated my rights’ and I got a ‘whaaaaaat’ from my BIL, which I responded to by saying ‘I have to get on a plane tomorrow’ and walked into the room I was staying in and I didn’t want their little dog to get all over my clean clothes so I closed the door.
She then texted me at 7:30 pm saying ‘It seems like you’re having a hard time and we’re getting hungry so we’re going to go get food’. It was a tense situation so a little more time would be good to process my feelings.
I went and grabbed food and came back, I still had packing to finish so I did that (with the door closed because of the dog) and in that 45 min time frame, they came back and went into their room for the evening.
The next day, I got up around 8:30 am and both she and her husband were working in the living room. I made my breakfast quietly b/c my sister was on a call and when I sat down to eat her husband went into the other room my sister asked if we could have ‘an adult conversation’ and she said she’d never had anyone be more inconsiderate to her in her life, and then proceed to scream at me about my decision not to talk about whatever feelings I was having the day before stating that ‘this is not how healthy families function’ and how ‘she didn’t want her daughter to be exposed to this’ and I literally just sat there and said that I wasn’t trying to upset her when she’s 8 months pregnant, I told her my suggestion to live with them was just out of excitement and I didn’t think it through and I was just packing and keeping the door closed because of the dog.
I also told her that our miscommunication and tension between us were spurred by the fact that we don’t really know each other very well anymore. I mean it’s been 20+ years since we’ve lived within close proximity of each other and time changes a lot.”
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here. Everyone sucks here.
You asked your sister who you had been fighting with and who you haven’t seen in 20 years if you could live with them. That is absolutely a jerk behavior.
‘then proceed to scream at me about my decision not to talk’
She way overstepped her bounds here. Wanting to defuse a situation is fine. It’s not okay to sweep problems under the rug and not revisit them, but coming out screaming because you wouldn’t address a topic right away isn’t okay.” gdubrocks
Another User Comments:
“I dunno, it kind of sounds like you tried to invite yourself to move in with them, and then later when your sister tried to give you a heads up about a possible viral exposure you bit her head off and then went off for a sulk.
And now you’re wondering if you should have had a fight instead of wondering if you should have apologized and de-escalated the situation.
Yeah, I kinda think that probably YTJ here.” unusualteapot
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here but your sister more so.
That being said she is 8 months pregnant and that is very difficult emotionally. It sounds like there were a lot of miscommunications that escalated because no one was dealing with them well. Your sister is completely wrong about HIPAA and that’s really embarrassing for her but I’m also failing to see where your rights were violated?” violetdeirdre
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